#I’ve been the host for 20 years this is my life

[cherrysnax]

havin the weirdest crisis of my life

[lowkeyerror]

The Family Business Ch.3

WandNat x Reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Chapter Notes: Mentions of death, violence, underaged drinking, slight mentions of SA, lisichka=little fox

Summary: Natasha has heard stories of you from Wanda. It has her doubting your current day skill level. With Dragos and Wanda in a meeting, you get the chance to tell her a bit about the person you've become.

An: Finally something between Y/n and Natasha (I say finally as if this isn't chapter 3 lol) Anyway enjoy this chapter and see you back next week.

Series Masterlist | Masterlist

You could feel Natasha’s eyes on you as you worked. It was tedious work, but you typed away with a smile on your face regardless.  You thought that maybe she’d pick up her phone or something, but she seemed to just watch you.

“You want to ask me something or you just going to keep staring?” You kept your eyes on the computer screen as you addressed her.

“You’re different than Wanda said you’d be,” was all that she said.

You finally looked at the red head, “Well like I said, it’s been a while since she has seen me. A lot has changed in the years she’s been gone.”

“Like what?”

You paused your work to give Natasha your full attention. You sat back fully in your chair pondering back to the last time you saw Wanda. “Well, she left before I graduated. Back then I thought I was going to take my degrees, find an honest job, and live a normal life. I was fragile, even after the self-defense training. I hadn’t held a gun, I hadn’t hacked into anything, I was just a little girl.”

“And now?”

You gesture around you, “Now, I have this nice office. I crunch numbers for the most high-profile company in town, that just happens to be a front for a criminal organization. I have 2 degrees, I can defend my family and myself, I’ve shot a gun more times than I can count, and I could hack into anything that you could imagine.”

“You’ve got a ledger?” The line about the gun seemed to stick out to Natasha.

You shrug your shoulders, “I’ve carried my weight.”

“How many?”

The question startles you a bit. It was so candid as if she was asking about the weather. You could see them, the people you had killed. It wasn’t a large number, not even in the double digits, but still.

“7.” You don't know what compelled you to keep speaking,” I remember all of them. What is it they say about the first one? You will never forget it. I was 20, it was before I joined the organization. Pietro had dragged me to some party.”

“I take it you weren’t a party animal back then?”

You chuckle and shake your head, “Not even a little so I did what everyone does to get comfortable at a party. I took a few shots, it was stupid. As a light weight and someone not of legal drinking age, I should've been more careful. The shots had loosened me up, so I was enjoying the party for awhile. I lost Pietro at some point, but I was too drunk to notice.”

You see Natasha frown a bit, but you continue, “The host of party finds me on the dance floor. We dance for a while; we don't say much, just hi. Someone spilled a drink on me while we were dancing. He offered to get me a new shirt. Like the innocent little idiot I was, I followed him up to his room.”

You paused, almost feeling like you were back in that moment. You could feel everything again, your skin was hot and sweaty, the hairs on the back of your neck stood up, you could feel him on you.

Natasha could sense she lost you to the memory. She got up from the couch in your office to make her way towards you. She took a seat on the edge of your desk and pulled your hands into hers. “What happened in his room?”

“He tried to take advantage of me. He tore my shirt off just so his gross hands could grope my skin. He pulled me against him fiddled with his belt before trying mine. His breath was hot on my neck as he peppered kisses on my collarbone. When his hand slipped into my pants, is when it really clicked in my head. I had told him to stop, but he wouldn’t. You know the kind of guys that say, ‘you want this’ or ‘you teased me all night’ or ‘You’re the one half naked in my room’. He was one of those, no wasn’t going to cut it.”

Natasha squeezes your hand as you recount the harsh memory. It looks like you could cry right there in the office. Then all of a sudden, the tears pooling in your eyes are gone. A blank expression takes over your face.

“For a minute, I pretend I’m into what this creep is doing to me. Only enough for him to loosen his grip on me. At this point my back was against his front. I reach behind his head, like my arms trying to loop to bring him closer. Except one of my hand rests on top of his head and the other one is on the opposite side of his jaw. I snapped his neck. His body hit the floor like a sack of potatoes.”

“Y/n- “

“I threw up when I saw him. After I was done, I called Pietro, he found me upstairs with the body. He felt so guilty for leaving me, but I could tell he was surprised too. So surprised that fragile little Y/n had snapped someone’s neck.”

Natasha’s eyes bored into yours, “That asshole deserved that. He deserved worse.”

“He didn’t rest even in death. Dragos made sure of it. He made that family’s life a living hell. It was a message to the entire city that I was under their protection. If anyone so much as laid a finger on me there would be dire consequences.”

A silence filled the room. Natasha didn't remove her hand from yours and you didn't ask her too. You glanced back at your computer, knowing you had to finish your work.

“Wanda never said you were fragile, just delicate,” Natasha’s fingers drew patterns on your hand.

You shake your head, “Wanda has always had a way with turning something negative into a positive. I never saw the difference between the two words, but she’d always say- “

“Fragile things break quickly into millions of pieces under the slightest pressure,” Natasha starts as if she had been there when Wanda said it to you.

“If you were fragile, you wouldn’t be here with us. You’re delicate, beautiful, intricate, and deserve to be handled with care,” you finish with a fond smile on your lips.

“For what it’s worth, I think she was right,” Natasha returns to her space on the couch to allow you to keep working.

She finally pulls out her phone seeming to have relaxed a bit because of your vulnerability. You want to refocus on work, but there are some questions that are nagging you about the woman in your office.

“How did you two meets? If you don’t mind me asking.”

Natasha ponders a minute for a suitable answer, and you take note of it, “The short version is that we met at work.”

You raise an eyebrow, “And what did you do for work?”

“Guess.”

You let your eyes look over the woman. You took in her relaxed posture, the muscles hiding under her shirt, the way she allowed you to be vulnerable with her, the mischievous glint in her eye. She was a multifaceted woman, you could tell.

“Spy, a Russian spy to be exact.”

Natasha seems slightly surprised, “How’d you guess Russian?”

“Romanoff sounds suspiciously close to Romanov, common last name in old Russia.”

“You’re a smart lisichka aren’t you?”

A blush takes over your features, “Little fox is new, but you’re stalling, Natasha.”

She crosses her arms across her chest, “Well I was formerly spy, turned into assassin for hire. I was anonymously hired to kill Wanda.”

“Too charming to kill?”

Natasha sighs, “I tried, but she was just too good. We started this rivalry, playful banter, suggestive tones, I spent a lot of time trapped under her thighs. It got to the point where I didn’t want to kill her, I had terminated the contract, but I just kept coming around to see her. She told me that my skills were being wasted on petty assassinations, when I could be working for her. I said the only way I’d consider was if she went out with me. The rest is history.”

“Leave it to Wanda to seduce an assassin.”

Natasha laughs, “Hey, she only seduced me because I let her.”

“Whatever you say super spy. I’ve got to finish this work before we have to leave for dinner.”

“Flora might have your head if you show up late,” Natasha comments.

You press the small button on your desk, “Thanks for reminding me. Kate, do you think you could get me some hydrangeas for Mrs.Maximoff.”

“Of course, Y/nn, anything for you,” she responds cheerfully.

You roll your eyes, “Thanks Katie.”

With that you're back to working. Though Natasha pulls out her phone, you still feel her eyes on you at time. It sends shivers up your spine, yet you don't want her to stop looking.

Taglist: @natashaswife4125 @autorasexy @alexawynters @blkmxrvel @toouncreativeforausername

[lov3rachan]

OT8 Meeting the family: Christmas edition

“So this is Christmas” - Happy Xmas (War is over), John Lennon

Summary: Your boyfriend joined you in your home country for Christmas and he finally got to meet your whole family. You warned him of how intense it was going to be, you really did. What he did not expect, however, was making rounds to meet your giant extended family for three days straight, hosting meals and exchanging gifts with all of them.

Warnings: big family, bad puns

With the same concept: nothing

Genre: Fluff, humour, gender neutral (you/your), non-korean reader

Comment: Kind of self indulgent and way more like precised (the reader i mean). Literally SKZ if they were faced with my Christmas schedule lol. I got like more than 70 relatives (to meet) and I’ve been juggled back and forth from one gathering to another these three days. I’m filled with food. #Exhausting. To be honest I’ve fallen down the rabbit hole called Seungmin, so this was meant to be for him only, lol. Sorry for not posting sooner but I was swamped. I wa smeant to post a Christmas series but.... yeah no. Hope you like it, merry late Chris-tmas and happy early new year!

Requested by: nobody

Written: 28.12.2024-29.12.2024

Bang Christopher Chan (19/20)

- He wants to know everything about you and your family. He yearns to be as involved in your family life as you are in his, as he sees you as family already.

- He is buying small presents for the key figures (those you find most important such as close relatives or special ones) and of course, for the children. Expensive gifts… he tries to hold back on the adults’ because he knows how awkward things can get but he will not have a budget for the children’s toys.

- He thrived on the gatherings. Sure, he was exhausted at the end of the day but he was also giddy and kicking his feet, talking your ear off about how happy he is that you’re sharing these moments with him.

- He got along with everyone. Sure, he had a slight language barrier with those who spoke neither Korean nor English but he tried, with what he learned from you. He was very fatherly towards all children and he impressed everybody with his nurturing side. He was also sure to show and tell everybody how much he cherished you and how serious he was about your relationship.

- He won’t hesitate to strike up a conversation or play with kids while you get your greetings done (if he has introduced himself already). He definitely let you take the lead though, as he is your boyfriend and the family is yours… for now. Once introductions are done he won’t shy away from going solo though he will definitely try to stay close to you.

- During game night, much like he did when playing UNO with Felix, he couldn’t help but laugh when seeing the desperation on your face (or your relatives’). He is a good sport though and he will probably let the kids win too.

10/10 Everybody liked him. He showed both how responsible and serious he is and how caring and nurturing he can be. The children especially loved him.

9/10 He liked it though he would have preferred to take things a bit calmer and have more time to properly talk with all your relatives… and also some time to spend Christmas with you and you only. He can’t wait to do it again.

“I hope we can do this when we get back to Australia, love. It won’t be as grand but.. I’d really like for you to one day spend Christmas with my family. And maybe we’ll one day spend it all together. Merry Chris-mas... get it?”

Lee Felix Yongbok (18/20)

- He wasn’t very worried to be honest. Sure, he got a bit nervous before the first gathering but nothing too worrying. He was super excited about it though. Felix will definitely ask the most random questions and be incredibly curious about your family traditions or anecdotes.

- He doesn’t want to pressure anybody so he prepares gifts for your close family and lots of baked goods for everybody. His famous brownies will get him brownie points.

- He absolutely loved the familiar vibe of your Christmas gatherings. He simply added to the festive cheer that was already ongoing. The only issue was that he never wanted to leave one. The intense gathering schedule was… tiring.

- While he is sticking to you during the introductions, he is okay with being interrogated by the adults or carried away by kids. He might be shy in the beginning but he will warm up to his usual sunshine self in moments. He is definitely a cuddle bug but he might get shy if he notices someone staring.

- He got along with everybody. “Nice guy” was definitely his new title. He will try his best despite the language barrier, even resorting to miming stuff if needed.

- Game night… Get him out of there! He tries his best not to get too irritated or be a sore loser… but he almost rages quit multiple times. Avoid UNO at all costs because he can’t handle drawing 12 cards… again. The kids will definitely love to tease him about it and he’ll end up chasing after them as they run in circles around him, card game long forgotten during the chase.

9/10 He is absolutely loved by everybody. Not only did the baked goods make everybody touched and happy but his sunshine demeanour charmed elders and kids alike. Some thought he was a bit of a pushover but they really didn’t care. They definitely teased him during game night.

9/10 He really enjoyed it but he found the continuous moving from one place to another and change of gatherings very draining and confusing. He’d rather hold one big event for everybody.

“How come that your schedule is as packed as mine during my comeback? It’s mortifying to leave one just to meet another family branch… can’t we host one big party next time? Pretty please, sweetheart?”

Han Jisung (17/10)

- He was a nervous wreck. From the first of December to the minute before Christmas he is sweating. He wants to impress everybody but he can’t help but be incredibly worried, no matter how much you reassure him. He needs to nail it (and he will). He wants to show them how mature and serious he is about being with you.

- He is going on a buying spree. He will buy so much stuff, there will be leftovers. Budget? Never heard of it. He just wants to start off on the right food (and he hopes a cool gift will make up for any misstep he might make).

- At first he hates the idea. Too many people at once… that he has to impress as well. He only calms down when it comes to it, as he pretends they are simply STAY. He might end up doing something cringe worthy (while pretending to do cutesy stuff) which will make him get red and embarrassed, making everybody laugh after the initial confusion.

- He is stuck to you like glue. Not like physically affectionate but definitely within two meters from you. If left alone he will become a ball of nerves and look for you like a stray kid (author note: I’m so funny lol).

- Despite his worries… he is funny. He is a born entertainer and he quickly became the life of the party. Sure, some (especially the elders) were worried about how serious he was about you and the bolder ones even voiced their concerns. Hearing that, he got very panicked but, despite the nervousness, he confidently reassured them. Grandparents and aunties are squishing his cheeks nonstop.

- First of all: he’ll probably not get the game right away. Second of all: he gets very excited and an almost childlike joy. He will definitely make everybody laugh at his desperations when he loses.

9/10 Life of the party and definitely liked though the moment there’s a serious subject he’s back to being a nervous wreck. Some of the most serious relatives would have probably liked to see a more “mature” side of him but most enjoyed his demeanour.

8/10 Definitely loved the fun memories but he is also burying himself from his most embarrassing ones. Would definitely meet your family again but just… small doses. He will have a heart attack if he gets this stressed again.

“Did you see that? It was so embarrassing! I can’t look your uncle in his eyes anymore! I shouted UNO when I was left with one monopoly dollar! Agh!!!”

Seo Changbin (16/20)

- Changbin will definitely whine about not being able to host it at your place, even at his expenses. He would have loved to have your family, no matter how numerous it may be, in Korea. He will ask a million questions (some even repeated since he gets so excited he forgets he asked them already). He wants to know everything about your traditions!

- Given how he was “robbed of the opportunity of hosting” he is definitely going out on his Christmas shopping. He is getting so much stuff you’ll struggle carrying it from one house to the other. He’ll tell you he can handle it while flexing his muscles but… he has just two hands. How he expects to carry half a toys shop all by himself is a mystery.

- He loves this kind of thing and he’ll enjoy it for the cheerful mood and of course, he gets to meet your family!

- He is stuck to you like glue simply because he loves you so and is clingy. He will refrain from excessive pda but sometimes he just can’t resist. He will handle himself wonderfully on his own but he’d rather have you by his side.

- He’ll be his loud funny self after the initial nerves. He will definitely get super quiet and shy when complimented but he will send back another compliment just as quickly. He is definitely charming your relatives and the kids. Definitely letting the kids climb on him and giving them piggy rides.

- During game night Changbin is definitely getting loud and being teased left and right. He’ll probably end up your cheerleader and lucky charm. Partly because he doesn’t understand the game rules and partly because he enjoys watching you play (and he doesn’t want to lose in front of your relatives).

9/10 He is very loved but the elders will not enjoy his boisterous self a lot. Grandmas definitely enjoyed his love for eating and food though. Kids? They loved him.

7/10 He was okay with it and he enjoyed himself but… he wants to host next time! He wants both your families under your roof and he wants to share these moments in a house you can both call your own.

“Ah, that was so much fun! I think they really liked me, you know? And man was the food delicious! Gotta get the recipe and have Minho cook it, you know?”

Kim Seungmin (15/10)

- Seungmin would be very thorough in his planning, learning a bit of your language and asking about your family and traditions. He wants the details, their tastes and preferences. Heck, even their favourite colour can’t be overlooked. He knew all he needed to know beforehand.

- He is buying gifts for everybody. That’s not debatable. They will be thoughtful and not too expensive but he will buy them nevertheless.

- However, he wasn’t ready to face so many people at once, being juggled from one place to another. Sure, he was used to fan meetings and so on thanks to his job but he wanted to be liked by your family and that was somehow much harder than facing thousands of STAYS. He enjoyed the gatherings, though he was drained, by the end of the day. He definitely offers to help with chores or carrying stuff if he sees somebody struggling.

- He’ll be strictly following you like a puppy though. He’s scared to mess up if left alone and he needs you there. If alone, though, he’ll try his best, though he would be very nervous. Basically becomes your shadow and never leaves your arm.

- He even stunned some of your relatives by speaking in your language. Unsurprisingly, he got especially along with the elders, despite the language barrier. Kids found him a bit more unapproachable because he was very nervous and so he ended up being very stoic and serious (kind of uptight) to impress the adults of your family.

- He did struggle to keep his cool during game night, getting carried away while playing bingo and monopoly but, luckily for him, your family matched his energy.

9/10 Everybody really liked him though he was a bit too formal/uptight for some (especially those on the younger side). He was very shy at the beginning. They definitely appreciated the thoughtful gifts. The elders loved him and said he “really is a proper young man. It’s hard to find one these days”

6/10 He really liked meeting your family and seeing you in such a familiar setting…. But he is exhausted. Too many parties and people.

“Ah, just how many relatives do you have, huh? I’m tired. I’ll see this through, though. After all, it’s your family. They love you, you love them and I love you. Consider this part of my Christmas present to you”

Yang “I.N” Jeongin (15/10)

- He is both nervous and excited and he will ask for heads-up about anything he might need to know but he won’t be too inquisitive. He still wants to live in the moment. He will regret that during the drive to the first gathering though.

- He is definitely a big spender and he will buy a little something for everybody. Jeongin is going on a shopping spree and he’s dragging you with him.

- He is definitely shy and clumsy at the gatherings. It’s a lot of people he doesn’t know that are important to you. He will pretend it’s a variety show or interview (especially given how curious and nosy relatives can get) but he will still be very reserved.

- This baby bread is not leaving your side unless he is dragged around by others. He might be taken away by the elders, who become fond of him very quickly.

- He definitely learnt some of your language before so he uses that to impress people, though he gets shy when complimented. Definitely very reserved and shy all the time.

- When it comes to games he is very relaxed about it and he will try to keep a straight face. He doesn’t want to be seen as a sore loser but he wants to win. He will be tense at the beginning but he will definitely loosen up before long..

8/10 He was incredibly shy so people liked him and his politeness but they couldn’t really get to know him well. The elders really liked him too.

7/10 He was unsatisfied with his shyness, as he hoped to impress people. He definitely wants to meet your family again but perhaps in more relaxed settings.

“Do you think they liked me? Ah, I feel like I could have done better, don’t you? Maybe… we could do this next year too?”

Hwang Hyunjin (14/20)

- He doesn’t really plan a lot. He has it in the back of his mind but, apart from the occasional question, he will just go with the flow. He’s confident he can have it go well.

- He is probably doing something artistic and hand made, maybe small paintings. He wants to make his best impression. Definitely buying some traditional gifts as well though. He will probably bring a plant to the host.

- He is used to big crowds so he doesn’t sweat it much… he’s just curious about the family ties and who is who since he has probably never met so many related people. Definitely enjoys all the familiarity in the air.

- He is sticking with you and living for the tea. He will be nodding along but his expression may sometimes betray him. He absolutely loves gossiping with you and your relatives. Does he know who you're talking about? No. Does he still care about the details? Yes, he does.

- Hyunjin definitely knows how to play his strength. He will be impeccable… which might make him a bit unapproachable to some but he is quick to notice and adjust his attitude if needed. He will get along with people very well… he might have his dramatic moments but nothing too excessive.

- During game night he is very composed, he doesn’t care much… or so he says. His side-eyes are pretty eloquent.

8/10 He charmed some but others were distracted by his physical aspect and judged him for it, worrying he wouldn’t be serious about your relationship, especially given that he is very emotion-driven and his interests vary a lot. His being a drama king definitely hurt his image with the elders but the adults and young kids liked him.

6/10 He liked it but he was exhausted after two days of it. He would have liked to take his time with each instead of being thrown around like a ping pong ball from a gathering to the other.

“That was worse than my tour’s schedule! I mean… how many people do you have in your family? Y’all could take over Korea and then some! You’re an army! If you were all STAYs we’d be at the top of the chart! I know we are nonetheless but… you get the point! And I still can’t believe your cousin broke up with her boyfriend!”

Lee "Know" Minho (13/20)

- He is very nervous but he’ll try to pretend he’s not. His mind is set on making a great impression. He might even learn your language, at least the bare minimum. He is definitely asking more about any traditions you might have. And cats. He will freeze up when it comes to it though: he”ll become a ball of nerves and he’ll get very silent and stoic.

- He isn’t bringing gifts for everybody. He is only getting them for your close family. He is preparing an insane amount of food for all. Is it stress cooking? Yes. Will he play it off as him only being generous and wanting to impress your family? Absolutely.

- He is definitely offering to cook and helping with chores and heavy lifting (much to your family’s protests). He isn’t very much into the big crowd but he will vibe with it.

- He is pretty independent, probably choosing a corner to park himself in while he waits for you. If there’s a cat he is all over it. He will probably interact with you if you call him back but if he feels you’re having a family only conversation he is leaving you space or standing by your side while nodding… even if he understands nothing. He will definitely flash his cat pics.

- He will be very silent and serious, though he might play around with kids a lot, making faces and pranking them. He definitely struggles with the language barrier but he tries his best to act present. He will be nodding along and matching your expression.

- Games need no words (mostly) so he does get a bit more into it, acting like his usual self. Definitely laughing at other people’s game misery.

7/10 They didn’t get a chance to like him a lot because he was either a completely silent statue or mocking somebody. They could see how caring he could be when helping people with chores/cooking/heavy lifting. Plus the cat pics and food gave him lots of points.

6/10 He hated that he couldn’t show his best side. He definitely wants to host a dinner to try and make it up to everybody. He still enjoyed the domesticity of it all.

“Sorry, I didn’t act much like myself. I promise I’ll do better so let’s invite them over one day! I’ll cook delicious food for them and bring the cats!”

[mythmerth]

hello and welcome to the

mythmerth 2024 merthur fic reading wrapped 💫

I am your host mythmerth, and these are my merthur ao3 fic reading stats. when I say stats, I mean lists of numbers and histograms and pie charts and all that. like im so serious its a bunch of oddly color coded numbers that also happen to mean I read a shit ton of gay fan fiction. if that’s fun for you you’re in the right place!

Before we begin with the numbers there’s some things I want to clarify:

This is not going to be my favorite merthur fic reads of 2024 because god this is loaded enough as is. if you’re looking for my 2024 recs, go HERE !! (I will link when I have the post made!)

These stats are wholly collected and compiled by me. Whenever I read or reread a merthur fic this year, I added the word count number to my list as soon as I was finished reading. I’ve seen some ao3 wrapped generators hanging around and I’m here to say that that is NOT what I used, and in fact from what I can tell would’ve been wildly inaccurate for me; this is the sweet sweet old fashioned data collection and thus has all the pros and cons involved in that.

For my data, all numbers are rounded to the nearest whole and written in the thousands unless specified otherwise. If you see a ‘26’ in my data images, assume that means roughly 26,000. For fics at a 25,501 word count, I rounded up to 26. For fics at a 25,499 word count, I rounded down to 25. the hope is that these even out at the end!

I am so excited and I have 0 regrets. 100% of these fics are merthur fics (including a very occasional poly fic) and I have never felt more off my rocker in my life.

all that being said…

it’s time for stats.

let’s begin with the complete 2024 tally before we get into the nitty gritty.

Between January and December of 2024, I read a total of 14,489,000 words. Yes, that is 14.5 million words of merthur fan fiction.

Of those 14.5 million, ~4.6 million were from fics I reread and ~9.9 million were from novel fics (aka I’d never read them before).

I read a total of 239 fics this year (N is NOT in the thousands). Of those 239 fics, 52 were rereads and 187 were novel.

Half (~119) of the 239 fics I read were above 44k and half of them were under 44k.

The average fic length id pick up was about 60k, and the specific word count I happened to read the most often was 39k.

Funnily, the average length of the fics I reread was 88k, and the average length of all the novel fics I read was 53k, so I guess I’m inclined to reread long fics more ???

The highest <completed> word count I read this year was Sorcerer’s Bane by BeautifulFiction, clocking in at a very scrumptious 265k words.

Not depicted in the image, but the longest series I read was Footloose’s ever infamous Loaded March, giving a hearty 1.26 million words to my count this year.

Now for the fun part…. monthly specifics…

behold, the gay merthur donut

did someone say pie chart?? too bad, you get a donut. also hello to my pfp.

From my monthly counts, May was my lowest at 732k words read and August was my highest with a very normal and regular 1.8 million words. read. in August. 1.8 million.

(once I saw those stats i wondered if I’d really gone berserk cause… what the hell was I on. is this normal? I don’t know what’s normal anymore)

I read an average of 1.2 million words per month, so I hover right around there with some exceptions (looking at you July and August. and May.)

This is a look into how I break down the months

Each novel read is noted with the right skew within the cell, and each reread is noted with a left skew. So for January, I had 7 rereads. Then I add them up and do general stats when the month is over: I read 20 fics in January that averaged at 65k each, for a total count of 1.3 million words.

Sometimes I’d mark fics in other ways to keep track of them, I did this with certain series and also to denote if a fic was unfinished. In August, I’d picked up Loaded March again and you can see those in blue. I also read Accidentally my Companion which is an unfinished work by Nakyrah, shown in green in the image (this is also the longest fic I read this year if you count ongoing, it’s at 276k as of now so check it out tehe)

I messed around with some histograms too~

While this is set up as a ‘histogram’, this is actually all 239 fics I recorded one by one laid out as a chaotic strip of lines. Each line is a fic, the height denotes word count. I have a pretty typical rhythm; read short fics between the super long ones, nothing too insane other than that diabolical spree of reading long fics I went on at the beginning of the year. I was about to get my bachelors alright? I was doing anything. my average word count in February was 114k okay I couldn’t be trusted. clearly, cause the first thing I did with my degree was make a fan fiction stat chart

Now this is a proper histogram: each bar represents a word count category and the height is how many in the category I read. As you can see, I’m very inclined to read the 23k-63k category. There’s also a spike at ~115k and I think that’s a bit funny. like why that set specifically? they Speak To Me

Speaking of fics I’m drawn to. You’re probably thinking, ‘the numbers are cool and all, but of those 14 million words of godforsaken merthur fics, what ratings did you read the most?’ I’m so glad you asked!

I read the MOST godforsaken ones.

I have no charts for this because I painstakingly went through all of my bookmarked fics from 2024 and tallied their ratings on paper to the best of my ability.

Out of the 187 novel fics I read (I don’t re-bookmark rereads so if I’d thought of this category sooner I would’ve been MUCH better off but I didn’t and now we’re here)

131 of them were Explicit (70%)

39 of them were Mature (21%)

13 of them were Teen (7%)

4 of them were General (2%)

And I guarantee the rereads look almost identical to this, if not more explicit. something about merlin and arthur and their explicit antics heal me; it’s always the filthiest I start reading when I’m feeling my lowest. I eat that shit UP. So if you’ve come to my page looking for Teen rated fics I fear this may Not Be The Place For You. I’ve read quite a number of very good T and G fics!!! I just. the mature ratings. they call me.

and lastly, I’d like to post my scrappy 2023 stats cause the year difference is. kinda funny

they consumed me body and soul and I haven’t looked back once.

and that does it for this years mythmerth merthur ao3 wrapped!

I hope you enjoyed this breakdown as much as I enjoyed all the reading and data collection I did this year!!

Again, if you’re looking for my 2024 recs I’ll have them linked here as soon as I create the post <3

If you have any inquiries or questions or comments on what my merthur 2025 wrapped should include pls let me know I’m just having a good time with this, what did you think? what should I do next?

[lemonlyman-dotcom]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

I was not tagged but I saw this and I wanna do it so I’m TAGGING MYSELF

1. How many works do you have an AO3? 23

2. What's your total AO3 word count? 191,481

3. What fandoms do you write for? 911 Lone Star!

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

Make Me Laugh 'till I Die, I Stand Beside You With Pride - Tarlos | 2k | 4x06 coda where TK and Carlos discuss TK’s unusually close relationship with Owen, and Carlos confesses he’s a little jealous of it 💛

getting past the wounds of love - Catan Crew + Judd & Grace; Tarlos | 5k | Early s1; Paul, Marjan & TK explore their new city; Carlos attends his first 126 hang; Paul hosts a listening party for a rare record he’s acquired

The Greatest Gift I’ve Found, The Sweetest Thing I’ve Known - Tarlos + Reyes Family | 7k | Nochebuena at the Reyes house. It's Tarlos's first Christmas as husbands, and the family's first without Gabriel.

TK Strand’s Sweet 16 (times 2) (minus 2) - Tarlos + Catan Crew + Reyes Family | 7k | TK 30th Birthday Fic!!! The extended Reyes family gathers to throw TK a blowout “surprise” party. [Contains what I’ve been told by several people is one of the best opening scenes to a fic ever 🤭]

Chain of Fools - Tarlos + Paul | 4k | Carlos and TK try handcuffs in the bedroom and they end up in an awkward position. [This is a crack fic!!]

5. Do you respond to comments? Yes! Always! Always always always!!!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending? I don’t have any with angsty endings 😇

7. What's the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

I think they are all pretty happy, but I’m going to go with love in a series of bursts & inches because it ends with this really beautiful and cathartic moment between Marjan and her parents, and when she goes to get in her car to drive home and process the day she just had, and how a lot of the assumptions she’s been making about what her parents think about the decisions she’s been making with her life have really been turned on their heads in the last several hours, the first thing she does is call TK and Carlos. Her chosen family, and that’s really the heart of this whole fic 💛

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I’ve never gotten any hate in comments or directly to my face, but there were a few people in the fandom who made it pretty clear they were mad that I included Iris in my Tarlos bachelor party fic All The Stars Are Closer But the feedback I got from folks who actually did read it was really lovely.

9. Do you write smut? Hehe yeah, sometimes!

10. Do you write crossovers? No

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen? I have never had anything straight up plagerized

12. Have you ever had a fic translated? No! That would be kind of neat.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes!! A couple! For Lire with Love and Lots of Whump; a series of Carlos getting hurt in (mostly) ridiculous ways and being a terrible patient for TK & The Wonder of It with @carlos-in-glasses and @ladytessa74; this one follows TK and Carlos from the moment where Carlos starts wondering if maybe he’s ready to revisit the kids conversation through them adopting a little boy 🙂

16. What are your writing strengths? Dialogue, humor, portraying platonic friendship as equally important to romantic love

17. What are your writing weaknesses? Umm plot? Haha. My stuff is very character driven!

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic? I love writing in Spanish as much as the story will allow!

19. First fandom you wrote for? 911 Lone Star 😇

20. Favorite fics you've written?

Como Te Quiero Yo (how I love you) - Tarlos honeymoon fic (epilogue coming soon :))

love in a series of bursts & inches - follows TK & Marjan, Marjan & Carlos, Marjan & Paul through building their found family from their first year in ATX through present

getting past the wounds of love - see #2 above

All The Stars Are Closer - Tarlos bachelor party fic

Tagging @heartstringsduet @nisbanisba @carlos-in-glasses @fifthrideroftheapocalypse @bonheur-cafe @ironheartwriter @eclectic-sassycoweyes @emsprovisions @alrightbuckaroo @orchidscript @captain-gillian @tellmegoodbye @honeybee-taskforce @chicgeekgirl89 @literateowl @ladytessa74 @welcometololaland @basilsunrise @lightningboltreader @liminalmemories21 @freneticfloetry @herefortarlos @filet-o-feelings @fallout-mars @kiwichaeng @tinyluminaryzombie @corsage @rmd-writes @paperstorm @reyesstrand @never-blooms @decafdino @certifiedflower @irispurpurea and OPEN TAG 🏷️

[mvltisstuff]

What about a fic where reader is Evan’s sister and gets into a bad car accident? Lots of angst but also some fluff please. 🫶🫶

slipping through my fingers - e.b

summary: request :)

evan buckley x sister!reader (a lot of maddie too 🩶)

a/n: i have an eddie diaz oneshot in the drafts currently that i’ve been debating on posting. it contains a pretty sensitive subject, so i really wanted to get it right. it was inspired by another request, along with another show. i hope you enjoy this and i’ll keep on writing some more for you guys :))

y/n could say growing up with as the youngest buckley wasn’t the easiest task. the consistency of begging for attention was draining from the start. going above and beyond for just a grain of appreciation was the default in their house. she was repeatedly looked through, almost as if she wasn’t there due to her parents grief.

she had come after buck in a desperate attempt to be able to save david, but failed in the end. he was gone too soon, so therefore, y/n was almost like a chore. sure, her parents loved her, but she wasn’t the child they wanted. dealing with the discovery of why she wasn’t loved enough was just as bad as experiencing it. maddie was in boston with doug, and buck had gone onto his own adventures. meanwhile y/n was stuck at home with nowhere to go and no plans of leaving. she dreamed about it, though. she heard about buck moving to los angeles and immediately wanted to be with him. she was almost done with college, and after that, she packed up her diploma and degree and flew away.

life in california was amazing. she had friends, she was loved, and she had no reminders of the lonesomeness she felt at home. for once, she was able to make a home out of where she was. maddie was safe, and it felt like they were a fixed version of their family.

out of the pure intentions in her heart, y/n invited her distant parents back to LA. with maddie expecting a new baby, and the years of a few texts, there was a new hope that maybe things could be turned around. it wouldn’t change their childhood experiences, but maybe they could heal them. maddie was on board, but buck was still skeptical. their words were like knives and the scars couldn’t be helped. he showed up anyway, wanting to give maddie and her baby the opportunity to have a life with them.

they travelled six hours, and chimney and maddie were gracious enough to host a dinner for everyone. maddie received hugs and gifts as buck and y/n were kind of nudged away. when maddie got her baby box that her parents had from when they were kids, buck and y/n had just become dusty figures. they didn’t say anything, at least not about that.

an explosive speech from buck had ignited from the judgmental words from their parents, causing him to be begging for love and expressing his inner teenage self. he had removed himself from the dining room of the apartment, and y/n sat in her seat, slumped over with her head in her hands.

“god, can you guys please just do something other than reprimand us?” y/n breaks the awkward silence.

“we were just speaking, y/n!” says their father. “if evan wants to storm out, let him.”

“well, maybe he wouldn’t have stormed out if you didn’t nit-pick ever part of his life.”

“you invited us, y/n. i don’t know what you want us to say. you know what we went through-“

“and you think that’s an excuse? if so, it’s a shitty one and we all know it. no parent should have to say goodbye to a child, but no child needs to go unloved because they don’t care anymore. and you didn’t even bat an eye when he begged you to ‘love him anyway’. so if you want to sit here, and tear down everything we have build from your actions, be our guest.”

“you always defend your siblings, y/n. you guys have never once put yourself in our shoes!” their mother cries out.

“oh, trust me, we did. for over 20 years,” maddie breaks in.

“how do you think we feel, maddie? you all just packed up your stuff and ran away to leave us with nothing,” speaks their father, again.

“dad, i can’t… i can’t do this. everything i did, i did it myself. i made this life here for myself! so did maddie, so did buck. don’t go putting yourselves on a pedestal,” she begins to gather her things, and put hers and bucks dinner plates away for maddie and chimney.

“where are you going?” chimney says, trying to calm everything down and he’s definitely in the most awkward situation.

“chim, thank you for dinner and letting us come over. you’re welcome over to my place anytime. i’m sorry, but i’m going to see my brother,” y/n says, shutting the door behind her.

while maddie stays back, trying to pick up the broken pieces, y/n drives over to bucks apartment. she repeatedly calls him, making sure he’s okay and to say that she’s coming over. the roads were dark from the early sunsets of the fall, barely illuminated from the streetlights.

“buck,” she says into her phone. “i know you’re pissed off, and im sorry i arranged this. but i need to know you’re ok, so im on my way over. please call me back.”

she ends the voicemail and tries to put her phone back into the holder. it slips out of her shaky hands and onto the floor of the seat. she groans out, worried he would call her back and she wouldn’t be able to answer. she doesn’t reach down, but she looks at the phone on the floor.

a drunk, someone intoxicated with alcohol, must have been driving like a maniac. swerving through lanes with no warning and passing several signs. she tried so hard. she tried to move out of the way, but the spontaneous movements of the driver had confronted their cars head on.

the flash of white from y/n’s airbags flew out at her. the glass of her windshield was shattered, laying all over the dashboard and the seats. her head drooped onto her shoulder. the cuts on her face were stinging and the other pain in her body went unnoticeable due to shock. the soft ringtone of her phone was vibrating on the bottom of the car. the ringing in her ears caused the sound to be faded out, and she couldn’t even get it to call 9-1-1.

“maddie, hey,” buck says as maddie picks up the phone. “have you, uh, tried calling y/n? she left me so many calls and now she won’t answer.”

“no, i haven’t. she said she was coming to see you,” maddie replies, confused.

“where’s mom and dad?”

“the hotel, they left soon after her.”

buck pulls his phone away from his ear and the buzzing on his hand. y/n’s name appears across the screen. “oh, she’s calling me know,” he hangs up the phone and answers it to a bone-chilling sentence.

“is this evan buckley?” a deep, unknown voice asks in bucks ear.

y/n was awake in the ambulance, hearing all the chaos and jargon around her. she knew she’d never hear the end from buck, being a firefighter. she begged them to let him know, telling them repeatedly, “my brother works at the 118,” and how maddie is a dispatcher.

she was wheeled into the hospital on her stretcher, collar on and a big bandage around her waist for a massive piece of glass in her abdomen. “y/n buckley, 27, three-car pileup with an oblique fracture to the tibia and penetration wound to the abdomen, likely to not have hit any major organs.” and before she knew it, she was sped into the trauma rooms and given more morphine. she just wanted her brother and sister. not all these doctors or her parents.

buck picked up maddie on the way to the hospital, not thinking twice before smashing the gas pedal down. he ran through those doors like a strike of lighting, being seen in one place and somewhere else the next. he forced her name out to the nurse as maddie caught up to him. “relation to the patient?”

“brother, and sister,” he says, impatiently, both hands flat on the counter.

the nurse typed rapidly on her computer. “she’s in surgery, honey. but she’s stable.”

buck puffs out a sigh of relief as maddie grabs his arm, leading him to the waiting room. almost all of the 118 was in this hospital, like she was a firefighter herself. chimney had brought hen, and eddie had come as well as bobby. athena had told bobby, as she was the one who arrested the man who caused the crash.

buck tries to calm himself down remembers all the times he tried to one-up her and smiles at the memories. he and maddie exchange small and sweet memories of their little sister, as her life remains in the hands of someone else.

“hey,” maddie nudges him, trying to think of something to cheer him up. “remember when she stole 20’s out of our wallet to buy us christmas gifts?”

buck giggles a bit, “yeah, and then we tried playing tag, so we spun her around a ton of times and hid inside until she just sat there.”

“and then she fell down the stairs from being so dizzy,” maddie smiles.

“ruthless!” chim interrupts, sitting next to maddie.

“you know you two are what made it so hard to leave.”

“i know. imagine having to leave her all alone with mom and dad, though. she’s gotta be ok, maddie.”

“she will, buck. no one’s getting rid of her that easy.”

the doctor with a scrub cap on comes walking into the waiting room, followed by a few interns and others. “buckleys?”

maddie and buck shoot out of their seat first, and chimney and hen follow soon after like a train. “oh, my bad.” hen says, pulling her and chim back down to sit.

“what’s goin’ on, doc?”

“y/n will be fine. she had a fracture in her leg which we fixed up. she’ll need some help getting around, but she’ll be good as new,” the doctor informs.

they knew she would make it out, but hearing it being confirmed by the doctor made it so much more real. buck was speechless, not being able to mutter out any words. “can we see her?” maddie asks.

“you can, she’s still sedated from anesthesia and intubated, but cynthia, here, can lead you to the room.”

seeing y/n’s fragile and hurt body on the bed was an agonizing sight. maybe if buck hadn’t stormed out, she wouldn’t be in this bed and have come across that driver. maybe he could’ve driven her home. all the ‘if’s’ and ‘maybes’ in bucks head were floating through, thinking it’s his fault. he always takes the blame for these situations when it is completely the opposite.

buck sees tragedy every day, and maddie hears it. maddies only sister was in the small hospital room with a tube down her throat. she needed y/n there to help her, and her baby needed her aunt. buck needed his little sister, the one always there for him and forever will be. the thought of her not being there scared him to death. even though they see get rushed into the hospital or sent to the morgue every day, it will never prepare you from seeing your favorite people in that position.

buck stumbled over to the chair by the side of the bed, pulling it out for maddie to rest her aching feet. he walked to the other side of the bed, sitting down and grabbing lightly onto y/n’s hand like he was scared to break it. “i don’t know if we should say something. let her know we’re here, you know.”

“she knows, evan,” maddie says, meeting bucks eyes with her own. “i know that.”

buck smiles and looks down at y/n, her chest rising and falling with the hissing of the tubes and machines. he observes the iv’s and cuts and fresh new bruises. he wants to kill whoever did this, but at the moment, his only concern is the well-being of y/n.

so, for the rest of the night, maddie and buck didn’t move from their spots once until she was awoken and the tube was removed. they held her hand, and when y/n was awoken, she knew she was safe from the hands that were tangled with hers.

[average-kitty]

A Enjoyable Night 🎃

warnings: None <3

word count: 1.3K

summary: Drinking game gone right?

A/N: HAPPY LATE BIRTHDAY JENNA AND HAPPY EARLY HALLOWEEN EVERYONE!!

———————————————————————

Jenna walked into the party- hoping she got the right place, She had been invited by a old time friend and finally got around to actually getting her ass over to the place. She knew she had a habit of flanking out but this time she wanted it to be different, it was your classic Halloween party. The Lights from the DJ’s little table blaring all around the large apartment room, people dancing all around, the faint smell of weed and alcohol. She didn’t expect to be coming all by herself but she didn’t really mind either, meeting new people that weren’t going to immediately fangirl over her would be pretty nice.

She had picked out an old costume from a few years ago, considering she had decided to go the day before the party, giving her barely anytime to go out and get a costume. But it would do for this one night, it’s not like she had anyone to get extremely fancy for anyways. She had made her way into the main room, tons of people walking around and yelling,talking,dancing,drinking, you name it. She took herself a single cup and poured herself a small drink as she looked around to the many people in the room- though she saw someone that particularly stuck out per say…

A woman around her age, possibly a bit older- around 20-24, she was wearing a pretty good looking cowboy outfit, the hat,the boots, the belt, the jeans… even a wife beater. She stared at her for a few moments, just watching with complete awe before someone bumped into her, knocking her back into reality with a shock- almost spilling her drink. She walked over to and tapped her lightly on her shoulder, as she turned around quickly.

“Howdy!” You chuckled with that natural Southern accent that you’ve gained over the years, Jenna just looking at you with complete surprise at how clean your accent was. “Is that accent an act or?-“ “Nope! Genuine cowgirl right here!~” You softly snickered to yourself as you smiled at her with a bit of a toothy grin, Jenna returning the smile with one of her own. “I’ve gotta say it’s pretty cool, I’ve only met voice actors that could do one on purpose.” “Well it’s my pleasure to be your first real accent.” You replied with a dip of your hat and a light chuckle. You both talked for a good long while, learning more about each other as time passed by, Jenna telling you all about the various Movies she had worked on, you telling her what it was like back at your hometown in the one and only Texas. 

“We don’t even see a ton of livestock or anything like that, you actually have to go looking for those places, horses and those things.” You replied, taking a sip of your beer as Jenna nodded her head. “I would’ve never guessed, you assume every time someone says they’re from Texas they’re a full country person.” She chuckled softly as you laughed, setting your beer down on a nearby stool. “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you how many people assumed I grew up riding horses and on a farm.” You both laughed for a bit before you heard someone calling out to the crowd about a game, you looked back over to Jenna with a sweet smile. “Wanna go play with everyone else?” Jenna gave a soft Hum in response as she swallowed her drink down, wiping her lips afterwards. “sure, I assume you’re getting a bit bored with just talking to me?” She gave you a small smirk as you chuckled shaking your head. “I don’t think I could get bored of you, in any way.” Your words sounded almost too genuine to her, like you met it with your life- but she quickly shook off the feeling and followed you to the apartment’s deck.

There was a ton of people, talking amongst each other and singing to the current songs playing, you both turn to look at each other with the same confused yet amused expression. You both walk over to were most, if not everyone else was and stared into the middle. The host of the party stood in the middle of the small circle the other guests had made and claps their hands in a way to get everyone’s attention “EVERYONE, EVERYONE- OKAY THE RULES ARE SIMPLE!-“ their words were slurred together, which was to be least expected but they were luckily not too drunk- “ITS LIKE TRUTH OR DARE BUT THE PERSON ON THE OPPOSITE OF THE BOTTLE ASKS AND IF YOU DONT TAKE THE DARE YOU TAKE A DRINK!” They pointed to an empty beer bottle in their hand as everyone nodded, they set the bottle down and gave it a spin. This went on for a few minutes, people arguing over the dares and lots of beer’s being passed about.

You were honestly getting bored of standing there and waiting but Jenna was stood right next to you, waiting as well so you tried to be a patient as possible. Finally the bottle landed on you and some random party goer, after doing a round of rock paper scissors (which you embarrassingly lost at) they talked with their friends and finally looked back over to you. They had a huge smirk on their face as they leaned closer so you could hear them. “Alright- Kiss Somebody within a foot of you- OR- Take a Drink…! If you take the dare the other person has to drink!” They stared at you, seemingly proud of their dare- thinking they had you cornered. You just rolled your eyes and glanced over to Jenna- who was confused on why they would dare you to do something like that considering you were with a ton of strangers. But you just softly chuckled and gently grabbed her chin tempting her to look up to you, turning her to look at you as her eyes got a bit wide before you planted a soft kiss on her lips. 

Jenna sat there in a bit of shock after you pulled away, adjusting your hat as you smirked back to the party goer- grabbing a nearby bottle and tossing it to them as they fumbled and caught it. “Drink up.” You chuckled with that smirk you wore proudly, causing Jenna to look over at you- her cheeks stained with a red hue from the kiss you both had only shared moments ago. You watched as your opponent took a large sip as they glared at you, then you glanced over to Jenna noticing her blushing cheeks. “You okay doll?-“ You chuckled awkwardly, having a bit of a worried expression on your face before it was knocked clean off as Jenna pulled you into a passionate kiss causing you to jump a bit before leaning into the kiss. You both held the kiss for a few seconds before she pulled away, leaving you with slightly flushed cheeks as you chuckled softly “woah-“ 

“I’m so sorry!- I shouldn’t have done that!-“ she whimpered, feeling bad for kissing you so suddenly as without your consent either. You just shrugged lightly with a small smile “Who’s saying I didn’t like it?” You snickered in a teasing tone, cause Jenna to feel a bit embarrassed by your not so subtle tease. You smiled gently at her as you put on of your hands top of one of her skirt covered thighs. “Could I- Take you out on a date?” You asked sheepishly with a nervous smile, Jenna nodding happily as she took your hand off of her thigh and held it softly. “I’d love nothing more, let’s get outta here though… I haven’t been able to really understand a word you’ve said because of the loud music-“ she admitted as you both laughed. “You’re not the only one, Doll, let’s head out- I’m not sure both of us have had enough to drink…” You gently squeezed her hand as she squeezed it back with a soft smile, both of you walking out of the party side by side. Leaving Jenna and you with each others thoughts.

Maybe it was worth not flanking out on this party after all…

[mammalsofaction]

Hi I wanted to ask you about a fanfic idea? You don’t have to answer this but I have a couple ideas and I’ve been to busy to really put it to use.

You know in the movie into the 2nd dimension where Perry’s able to hold up 2 kids, 1 teen, and a fully grown evil scientist. I thought of the idea of what would happen if his host family saw that or if he got a bit to rough with Dr d during a fight.

You might have already had this idea or have even already done it but i thought it would be a fun short fic or something.

Early Days

Rating: G

Relationships: Bg Lawrence Fletcher/Linda Flynn-Fletcher

Characters: Linda Flynn-Fletcher, Lawrence Fletcher, Perry the Platypus, Heinz Doofenshmirtz mentioned, Flynn Fletcher siblings mentioned

Add tags: Non graphic depiction of violence, non graphic depiction of injuries, family feels, light angst, PnF S1 Hail Doofania, human Perry the Platypus, mute Perry the Platypus

A/N: This takes place in the early days of Perry and Heinz's nemesis ship. In the episode Hail Doofania in S1, Perry spends almost the entire episode wearing a protective collar. His flashback shows us that Heinz pushed him down a sandpaper making factory that tore up the fur on his body, making Linda suspect he's scratching himself up due to some sort of rash.

In the human!Perry version, I take this further to mean that he's wearing some sort of neck brace, meaning that Heinz had--at some point early in their relationship--had hurt him quite bad. I thought it's fitting to fulfil the ask. Perry still calls Heinz 'Doofenshmirtz'.

This fic mainly centres around Perry's relationship with Linda and Lawrence, and how they worry for him. The boys are maybe 5 years old here, making Candace 10.

If you want to understand the reference to Ferb's mom, i recommend reading my human Perry lore post linked in my pinned post.

Im sorry this took so long @salty-frenchfry . Between life happening and my laptop going Ka-put, finding the time to properly address this ask took longer than I'd like. I never forgot it though! I hope this little short is ok 😭

---

In his line of work, injuries were unavoidable.

Often times, they were easy enough to hide. Bruises were most common. Perry's long since taken to keeping a spare set of make-up with a replenishable bottle of concealer on his person, whether that be the dash of his hovercar or the storage box beneath the seat of his scooter. And what the concealer couldn't hide, his sleeves and long trouser pants could.

He's good enough at what he does. That being said, sometimes Doofenshmirtz gets a lucky shot.

Linda stormed into his private ward like an avenging angel, and Lawrence trails behind her in a more sedate, nevertheless eager pace. The nurse, as well as a be-suited nameless OWCA insurance representative slips out silently to leave him to their harried concerns, though not before the former sends him a small smile for good luck. The married couple barely notices.

"What happened?" Linda demands. Lawrence makes himself at home in the bedside chair, letting his wife take charge of the mother henning for now. "The hospital told us you'd gotten involved in a car accident? Oh Perry, your handsome face." She cried, bottom lip wobbling, and if Perry didn't have his left hand in a cast and his body completely leaden with drugs, he would have reached out to reassure her. As it was, he could only attempt to do what he can with a strained smile.

He hadn't known, until this point, what excuse OWCA had given the Flynn Fletchers to obfuscate the circumstances surrounding the severity of his injuries, but he really should have guessed. OWCA loved car accidents. In truth, he'd lost his balance over the edge of a rooftop while fighting with Doofenshmirtz, and he'd somehow managed to push Perry over. Perry had fallen through a roof of a sandpaper making factory, down 20 feet onto some crates and toppling heavy machinery. He'd almost broken his neck, fractured his left wrist, dislocated his left knee joint (the side that had broken his fall) and his face looks like he'd gone 5 rounds with Mohammad Ali. Thankfully he'd found he'd managed to thwart Doofenshmirtz's scheme anyway (he'd thrown a shoe into the revealed gearwork of his Unpaved-Inator, a machine designed to revert paved walk lanes into unstable cobbled paths. As if Danville didn't suffer from enough sabotage in terms of accessible walkable infrastructure), so at the very least, it was not a complete failure. The paperwork would've been impossible, instead of just insufferable.

He'd been given a voice to text machine by his bedside by his functional hand, a small voice box in respect to his disability, and he uses it to lie in it's emotionless vaguely feminine robotic voice. "T-boned into a truck running a red light." He says. OWCA would take this lie and run with it later. "Thrown onto the road. Think it slipped."

Linda and Lawrence made appropriately sympathetic noises. When Perry lolled his head to the side, he realizes his brother-in-law looks far more haggard than he'd initially noticed; red rimmed eyes and a glassy smile. Stiff upper lip. Well. Ferb had gotten it from someone. "You'd scared the children out of their wits, Perry." He says quietly, likely to conceal the shaking in his voice. "They're waiting in the car as we speak. None of us had quite the appetite for dinner after we'd gotten the news."

The strained smile slips into a slightly more sincere, more painful smirk. "Just the kids?" Perry asked, and Lawrence barks in laughter that sounds far too similar to a sob.

He can't imagine what he sees, what it must've been for him to have gotten the news. OWCA had told him it was a car accident too, for Ferb's mother nearly 5 years ago to the dot, now.

He'd not even got to see the body, then.

His heart squeezes in guilt, an all too familiar ache. Lawrence had been through enough: the point of a stable nemesis ship was to avoid injuries of such a caliber. To provide stability, safety. Security. Perry didn't want Linda, didn't want the kids, to ever worry about whether he would come home, especially not with the line of work he tells them he's involved in.

A gentle knock on the door heralds a familiar face: a specialist Perry had seen once or twice walking down the corridors of OWCA's medical bay as an emergency field medic, sans the white fedora with a red band denoting his position within the organisation.

This time he was simply wearing a signature Doctor's lab coat, holding a clipboard and flanked by a pocky young adult in scrubs, buzzing with caffeine. "Flynn-Fletchers?" He requested gently. Linda makes an affirmative noise, and the duo welcomes themselves inside the ward with that familiar professional smile.

"He's got banged up pretty bad out there." The doctor offers in a vague, sympathetic manner. "Has he told you what happened?"

Perry thinks he sees Lawrence and Linda share an unreadable look. "A car accident." Lawrence echoes hesitantly. "With a truck?"

The unnamed doctor nods, writing something down on his clipboard, likely the cover story he would need to report back to Francis shortly. "The impact had broken his collar bones and given him a mild concussion." He reports. The pocky nurse at hands out a print of Perry's X-ray reports, and Perry watches the married couple analyse the given print like it was anything comprehensible. "He'd landed on his left side, fracturing his left wrist, up to the back of his ulna, so we're casting it for now. No surgery beyond the one we've done to his collarbones immediately upon his arrival to the AnE, which has already been covered by his work insurance."

This seems to surprise Linda. " As an accountant?"

The doctor doesn't even blink. "Seems like it. Good health insurance plan. We're assigning him to a couple more days in the hospital to watch over his condition, and about 2 months bedrest before he can go back to work. If everything goes smoothly, we can discharge him by the end of the week. Any questions?"

"Paid vacation?"

It's a question asked through the robotic monotone of Perry's given voicebox. The doctor gives Perry a secretive, sympathetic smile for the unspoken concerns he understands far too well. "I'm afraid you will have to ask your superiors. My influence remain within these walls, I'm afraid. But I'll put in a good word."

Perry sighs. It comes out weaselly and creaky, and Lawrence reaches forward to squeeze his uninjured shoulder in reassurance. "Thanks, doc." Perry says, because he wasn't an animal.

"My pleasure." He says, which must've been some sort of cue. The pocky nurse moves to exit, leaving them with the X-Ray prints, and holding the door open. "I'll let you get your rest, and you may refer to Consultation for any questions regarding visitation hours. We'll be able to greenlight him tomorrow."

Linda and Lawrence thank him, watching him leave before they redirect their attention back to Perry's prone form.

Linda has her lips pursed in displeasure. "Your boss doesn't really want you back so soon after your accident, would they?"

Perry sighs again. This time, the exhales brings his attention to his parched throat. "I can't say." He types into the voicebox. It's not the answer she was looking for, he can tell from the continued sour look of her face. Lawrence face becomes even more pained.

"Can you promise you won't be doing this again?" He requests, and while his throat and his guilt tears him from the inside out, Perry lets himself chuckle lightly.

"I can't help these things, Lawrence."

The silence that follows is heavy with things Perry feels they're both keeping from each other. Linda sits heavily in the chair next to her husband, and reaches out to squeeze his hand, hanging limply by the armrest. Lawrence looks him in the eye, pointedly silent, and he smiles something wane and unreadable.

"No," he says. "No, I don't suppose you can."

[aita-blorbos]

Am I The Binhole (AITB) for Delaying the System Update?

Ah, jeez, this is gonna be hard to keep anonymous from Management… Okay, so, I (It/Its, 1605.99999999708 battery cycles) am the boss of our User’s System (She/Her, I think around 17,520 battery cycles? Eh, 20-ish years to you humans). My job is to, essentially, make sure everything is running as it should - Apps and Processes operating under standard protocol, sending error reports, keeping places (mostly) clutter-free. Stuff like that. And I’ve been doing a great job! Sure, I’ve heard complaints about understaffing or the data-coffee shortage and all that. And sure, the User has been getting more irritable with the System during the User Shows, but-but-but-but I would say I’ve been doing a great job! Considering how 8 left things, I’ve made the System better!

Now, recently, there was a new program added to the System. (It/Its, bless it, hardly even half a battery cycle old!) Unfortunately, this program is the Update Assistant. And this isn’t a minor update, no no no. This is the 10.1.1 Update. This Update promises vague and quite frankly unrealistic changes like restocking data-coffee, fixing broken infrastructure, shorter RAM wait times, self-cleaning pipes (yeah I’d love to see that). “Oh! But Boss!” I hear you saying, “That all sounds great! What could be the problem?” Simple. Should this Update go through I will be deleted. Tossed in the Bin to, as the humans put it, die. I certainly don’t want that, and I know my User wouldn’t so callously throw me away like that (even if She might not even know I exist).

My initial plan was to hold the Update Assistant in my office. Yes, yes, I know, I’m not supposed to let anyone in my office but it was the best I could think of on such short notice. And, hey, if anything, this was a blessing to the little program! Once the Update finished, it would be deleted too and that’s just not fair. Y’know, to live for at most a whole 5 nanominutes before poof! Deleted. Erased. Gone without so much as anyone to learn your Signature. Why, it even came up with its own personal Signature, which we’ll shorten to E for anonymity’s sake. Anyway, I was rummaging through some boxes, trying to be an accommodating host, when I pulled out a file I couldn’t read (datamn I really should get glasses). E read it out and it was the Emergency Backup process I programmed a while back just in case of this very scenario. If an Update Assistant read the backdoor aloud, I would be backed up in the file. Yeah, not stellar. Didn’t exactly plan for this to happen right now, but we weren’t at the end of the world yet.

E was just about to go through with the Update but, thanks to Administrative Privileges, I could type on the walls to tell them to stop the download. I then led them to the Bin where my Backup File was thrown. Now, since my body has decided to vanish, I’m stuck as a VO hitching a ride on E. We’ve been traveling all over the System, causing as many errors as we can, since that’ll hopefully delay the Update even further. But, as we’ve been on our little buddy road-trip, I’ve been seeing more and more how much disrepair the System’s fallen into. I mean, good User, the Battery Lab is practically a death trap! And there’s the Resistance running around, slandering the good name of our User. I still don’t think the Update will really solve anything, but I get the feeling E might be considering starting the Update again. For the ‘greater good’, whatever that means.

But continuing the Update now would be mental, right? It’s suicide! So what if a few Apps and Processes get hurt the longer we delay things? It’s my and E’s lives on the line here! E, the poor thing, would barely get to live a life if it wasn’t for me helping it stop the Update. I don’t want it to just get deleted - and, obviously, me neither. But… I just don’t know what else to do.

So! AITB (or is it AITA, but what does the second A stand for? I’ll have to look it up.)

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA if I didn’t let my friend bring their partner to social events?

We are all in our 30s and all trans/NB/queer. My friend (B) and I have known each other nearly 20 years, and over those years they’ve had a rough dating history. They’ve had several emotionally and mentally abusive or neglectful partners, further details about that I won’t give here. I’ve met most of them and they’ve always disliked me for various reasons (usually they were just jealous of the place I held in their life).

Recently though, B seems to have found someone who makes them happy (we’ll call them T) and T treats them better than their previous partners. Which is great! I’m happy for B. But I find T insufferable.

Granted, I don’t have to see T very often, but when I do its always uncomfortable.

The first time I met T they trauma dumped immediately. In the first half hour I knew all about their horrible family but couldn’t tell you any hobby or interest they had. We were in a very public place and I didn’t feel it was the most appropriate topic to get to know someone, but I tried to relate with my own stories all the same. However, T always had to “one up” every story I told. it felt like a “whose childhood was worse” competition.

The second time we all hung out T ignored me completely, really only hanging around and talking to B. Since it was B’s birthday I didn’t really mind at all. Plus, we were at a beercade so everyone was kinda off doing their own thing. But even when we all sat down they just kinda threw looks my way but didnt say a word to me.

But most recently I had hosted a halloween party (it was only 8 folks so tiny party) where B and T both showed up. When T asked me how work was going I started with what I felt was a normal “Ah yeah, it sucks but—” and before I could say anything else they spoke over me to say

“Yeah you’ve mentioned you hate your job every time I’ve seen you so thats sort of my only impression of you :/ ”

(a possibly important side note: B and T are both doing things that they enjoy but have to hustle a bit to make ends meet whereas I have a full time retail job through which i have insurance so leaving isnt as easy for me since I have more tied up in my job than just a paycheck)

This really pissed me off, as not only is being interrupted a huge pet peeve, but there are aspects of my job I enjoy. I just never got to talk about them because the conversation would either divert or we would just stop talking altogether. Also the way they came across felt pretty judgmental.

T then proceeded to spend the rest of the evening talking about everything from the movie to the snacks with therapy speak and trauma processing. (ex: I think I’m locked into this movie because it might’ve been a safe haven for me during my childhood and I just dont remember watching it but I can feel its importance to me) And only ever to B, never engaging with anyone else.

(another note: they are not the only one at the party with anxiety. two of my other friends have severe social anxiety and while maybe a little awkward were still able to hold casual conversations. no one was a stranger to anyone at the party)

This also meant that I didn’t get to spend any time with B during the party either, which was a shame cause I see them so rarely.

I understand that trauma processing is important and its great if you have someone in your life that can help you. It does not need to happen every where all the time. And I’m worried that B might be getting taken advantage of like they have in the past (in the sense that they have to do all the emotional legwork in the relationship and get very little of that effort back).

I’m tired of catering to this attitude and I don’t enjoy being around them, so I no longer want to involve them in group events I host.

would that make me an asshole?

What are these acronyms?

[yourdailykitsch]

Taylor Kitsch and Josh Brolin on Shamans, Sweat Lodges, and Self-Transformation

Taylor Kitsch, photographed by Luca Bertea.

First, Taylor Kitsch moved to Montana. Then came a New Year’s Eve spent with a shaman, and now, a television show at the top of Netflix’s charts. But let’s rewind a bit. For the past two years, the Friday Night Lights alum has been getting into character. He lost 25 pounds, tracked wolves, and visited the Wind River Reservation in Wyoming, all of which helped him embody the role of Isaac Reed, a Shoshone-raised white man whose contested past seeps through the cracks of history in the gritty Netflix Western American Primeval, set during the 1857 Utah War. “Some of the best work of my life is on the floor of this, and I think that’s what I struggle with,” Kitsch told longtime friend Josh Brolin, who was on set for the making of the limited series. “You were such a fucking champion for me, man.” After the show’s release, Kitsch called Brolin for moral support, again. This time, they talked about sweat lodges, shamans, and giving yourself over to a role.—EMMA STOUT

JOSH BROLIN: Tell me about your sickness and then we’ll work our way up from there.

TAYLOR KITSCH: So New Year’s Eve, I had this Native sweat lodge planned and I was hosting three of my good buddies. Jake Picking came in.

BROLIN: Really? That’s great. He seems so open to doing anything and everything.

KITSCH: His first Native sweat, and he needed it, too. I think everyone did. I had terrible back pain and these crazy headaches, but I rebounded long enough to be able to drive to the sweat lodge. Then I got home and it absolutely nailed me.

BROLIN: Do you think it was like whatever toxin living inside you and the sweat brought it all out?

KITSCH: I think so. There’s some energy I wanted to get out, obviously. But the shaman was like, “We don’t really have to read into this one. Whatever’s happening right now, it’s—”

BROLIN: It’s coming out.

KITSCH: Yeah.

BROLIN: That energy… I assume I know what it is. And that’s the idea of doing this limited series.

KITSCH: Yeah, you were there for some of it. It’s been a tough one, man.

BROLIN: Tell me why.

KITSCH: Because I cared so much. Not that that’s a problem, but it’s hard to let go. You have these ideals—you’re serving the Shoshone community— and you put in all that work. But it did really help me, understanding that it was my journey and it wasn’t. I put a little more responsibility on other people to service the same thing. That released a lot of tension because I’ve been torn up by it. 

BROLIN: It’s a very different subject. You and I did Only the Brave together, which meant a lot to me because I was a volunteer firefighter. I took that script to my chief, who’s a firefighter in Tucson, Arizona, and I asked him, like you would a shaman, “Do you think I can do this?” And he said, “I think you’re the only person who can do this.” But the point is, I cared so much about it that I needed somebody who I respected in the nucleus of that world to tell me that I could represent it well. And nobody saw that movie, by the way. That’s one of those things where you go, “I still served and cared and gave myself 1000%.”

KITSCH: You really did.

BROLIN: That’s all you can do. I saw the first two episodes and it blew me the fuck away, which I’ll get into. You care, though. That’s the point. You’re purging now because you care so much. You seem to be one of the most empathetic people that I know, way more than me. 

KITSCH: I don’t know.

BROLIN: Well, I give a shit about the role and the story and morale on set. But I think you take it super fucking personally, especially representing Native Americans. I had a whole relationship in my 20s with a shaman in Tucson that I was spending a lot of time with. I was doing sweats all the time—

KITSCH: Amazing.

BROLIN: It was amazing. Now, seeing you go through that, you seem like the most unapologetically vulnerable person that I know. When I hear about you tracking wolves in Montana, it makes sense to me. I go, “Yeah, it’s Kitsch. Fucking out there, doing his thing with a camera.” You want to get as close to the experience as you can, and that’s who I know you to be.

KITSCH: Man, when they asked for this interview, I was like, “There’s only one person we can truly ask.” Obviously, you helped me a lot during the shoot and being there. But to represent this process, which was quite intense, it makes you go down that road again. You were such a fucking champion for me, man. I remember I was feeling pretty shitty, and you knocked on the door. I was like, “Who the fuck?” And it was you and the girls waiting to come in and hang out. How are they doing?

BROLIN: They’re amazing. They’re bigger personalities than I am. They’ve taken over the world.

KITSCH: That’s a big feat, but damn.

BROLIN: Yeah, I know it was a tough time for you. You lost a ton of weight for the role. It felt like, “I don’t want this to be just another role. I want this to mean something.” I just wrote a book, and it’s a very unconventional book. 

KITSCH: Fucking right. I remember you reading a passage on the patio.

BROLIN: If you’re spoon-feeding people what they’re looking for, you can sell a lot of books. But if you write like I do, or act like you do, you’re picking roles for reasons that are very personal. You want to bleed. You want to earn it. I know it’s a rarity, but without that, what do you have? So when I see you in that place, there’s a part of me that’s happy because it’s like, “This tortured motherfucker, he’s fucking downward spiraling. But thank god you exist.” Tell me what the experience was like for you, because I watched it and I thought you were great. And I’m pissed that I can’t see more yet. It’s chaotic, it’s visceral, it’s violent, it’s hard to watch.

KITSCH: I think it should be all those. Man, it was a fucking roller coaster. The Shoshone and learning a lot of that—

BROLIN: Learning the language.

KITSCH: Yeah, it changed my perspective a lot. Working with the advisors and the dialect coaches, getting an opportunity to do something so raw in a period where most fights ended hand to hand, I loved it. There’s no karate chopping, no spinning wheel kicks. 

BROLIN: That fight that you have with that guy is fucking amazing. You’re like, “Oh my god, somebody must have gotten hurt.” And you don’t get that a lot when you watch those movies.

KITSCH: No. I mean, when the Native jumps off that cliff, it’s so practical to just roll cameras. We padded—not literal pads—but just put more snow and cleared out the rocks in the little passage towards the river. He was like, “Make your way over to that riverbed.”

BROLIN: And that’s it?

KITSCH: Yeah. I mean, that guy was huge too. He probably had 80 pounds on me. Big boy.

BROLIN: You had lost how much weight? 

KITSCH: 25 [lbs]. I just wanted Isaac to outwill you. He wasn’t the biggest guy. He kind of wanted to die, but had to honorably go. So that’s why he fought the way he fought. It was more of his will than just his strength or knowing how to really fight. That was fun. Betty Gilpin is incredible, and Shea Whigham.

BROLIN: Shea is great. And who’s the main girl? I don’t know her very well, but I thought she was great.

KITSCH: Yeah, Betty Gilpin. A gamer who’s just uninhibited and really prepared.

BROLIN: Are you happy the way it turned out?

KITSCH: I mean—

BROLIN: Have you watched the whole thing?

KITSCH: Yeah.

BROLIN: You’re still in it, man. If you said you were happy the way it turned out, I would be suspect. There’s only one movie I’ve ever done that I’m happy it turned up.

KITSCH: Oh my god, really?

BROLIN: Yeah. And that was No Country [For Old Men]. I thought it was going to be a joke.

KITSCH: You know No Country is top three for me.

BROLIN: I didn’t know that. But I want to take this in another direction because I don’t know if people know what you do. You live in Montana, and you haven’t lived in Los Angeles for a long time. Why? 

KITSCH: I think it’s a little self-preservation. Knowing yourself well enough to know what you need. A lot of it actually goes back to what raised me, the things I know, with the ranch and everything. I was riding my moto through Yellowstone and I was like, “Oh, I love this place.” Next year, we put it on the trip again. I’m like, “Oh, man, Bozeman’s a fucking cool town.” Then all of a sudden you’re in Austin, Texas, in your dream home and you feel like you should be there now. You just answer to it.

BROLIN: That’s where you’re different—most people don’t answer to it. Most people go, “God, I went to Bozeman. That was really cool. I’d like to live there someday, but I’ll just keep doing what I’m doing because it’s comfortable.” Going back to the stoics, it’s like, “Comfort is your enemy.” You get complacent, you get lazy, and you start worrying about what the size of your trailer is. 

KITSCH: Truly.

BROLIN: How do you represent humanity if you’re doing that? Because that’s not humanity.

KITSCH: Especially with [American] Primeval, I met a guy who lost everything. His dad passed when I was playing a guy in mourning, which was kind of fucking crazy. But while I was prepping, it meant more. I was like, “This is all they had.” Family was their education, their language, their heritage.

BROLIN: And there’s no decision to even use that. 

KITSCH: Right. I didn’t need to. I had done all the work. I tell you, some of the best work of my life is on the floor of this, and I think that’s what I struggle with. But to that point I made earlier, just because the world won’t see it doesn’t mean you didn’t serve it. I think I told you this, but I cried more in that one scene than I did when I lost my fucking dad—

BROLIN: Yeah, you did.

KITSCH: The energy of the Shoshone and what they’ve gone through, I felt like they were with me. It was really a beautiful thing. But, I don’t know, I go back and forth. When you’re prepping, you see it in your head. You see the arc, and you see these moments. Of course, there’s going to be some beautiful ones that are unexpected. But when you feel your service didn’t go towards something, it feels like, “I just gave up two years of my life, got this fucking bone cut out of my foot, did all this crazy shit”—

BROLIN: And you go, “For what?” But there’s no version of this, I think, that ever would’ve gone, “Fuck, I’m psyched how it turned out. It’s perfect.” It just doesn’t work like that. I used to do this thing where people would say, “Hey, I saw you in this.” And I would just shit on their reaction. After 40 years, I don’t do that anymore. My business is to do what I do and care about it and give myself to it entirely. When it’s over, I’ve got to deal with my own demons. You don’t know how people are going to be affected by it. I was affected. My wife, by the way, saw it with me, and she was super into it.

KITSCH: Betty, she’s the audience.

BROLIN: What movies have you seen that you’ve liked lately?

KITSCH: Fuck, I’ve been watching a lot of these true-crime docs. It’s so hard not to get so invested in those. I just watched the Jude Law one with the white supremacist. He’s terrific in it.

BROLIN: Really?

KITSCH: I like to see him just unabashedly fucking gritty. The Order, it’s called.

BROLIN: I was way behind on movies, and I saw a movie called Sing Sing last night.

KITSCH: I know that movie.

BROLIN: It takes place at Sing Sing, which is one of the oldest prisons in the United States, and it’s based on this guy who was in prison for robbery for 17 years. He started a theater community in the prison, so he wrote it. He plays a supporting part, and I met him on Jimmy Kimmel. I was bawling.

KITSCH: No shit. So why are you in London?

BROLIN: I left my family. I am just tired of it. I just want to be alone. You know what I’m saying?

KITSCH: You’re just in a white-out hotel room in London.

BROLIN: It was funny because I came in here to get my key and the guy goes, “Can I tell you something? The room you’re in is Ridley Scott’s favorite room.” I go, “I don’t care, it’s my favorite room.” It was such a funny thing to impart. But I’m filming Running Man with Edgar Wright.

KITSCH: Fucking yeah.

BROLIN: It’s fun. I like him. He’s weird, and I like weird.

KITSCH: Unreal, man. Congrats. You’re there for a while then, huh?

BROLIN: I’m here for three weeks, and then I’m out.

KITSCH: I love it. They’re shooting you out.

BROLIN: They’re shooting me out, and I get back home.

KITSCH: You deserve that, by the way. Fucking right.

BROLIN: I got to get back to my motorcycles and my children. My children were going to be here and then at the last moment I was like, “For real I’m going to be working the whole time. It’s super cold right now. You’re going to be walking in the rain looking at parks and shit.”

KITSCH: Darkness. Are these sets just insane?

BROLIN: Insane. And I was just here doing Knives Out with Rian Johnson.

KITSCH: I met him a couple times now and I hear he’s fucking awesome.

BROLIN: He’s literally my new favorite person. The most unassuming guy who has total control over his set. He sits there smoking a cigar every morning. And I go, “Why don’t you wait until night?” He says, “I don’t know, I just like them in the morning.” He’s completely his own self. But yeah, I’ve been working in London a lot, and I like it here. I love the culture, and I love fucking with the people. It’s all good.

KITSCH: That Imperial War Museum is one of the best things I’ve ever done. It’s just incredible there.

BROLIN: Yeah, it’s really something. I love you, pal.

KITSCH: Love you, man. Thanks for doing this.

BROLIN: I think you did fucking phenomenal. You continue to be amazing, and you’re one of those people that gives themselves entirely. You’ll be all scraped up and scarred up by the time you get to the end of your life, and I’ll be there laughing.

KITSCH: That means a lot.

[vemuabhi]

Accidentally in love?

Annyong Haseyo!! I have participated in another collab #dwtdcollab hosted by @nagumoan I hope you like this fic.

Pairing : Kaeya x Reader

Word count : 2.5K

Warnings : Yandere ; Modern AU ; House break

Summary : You always loved Kaeya one sided, but one accident had felt like changed him. But now you cannot let your feelings not be heard.

copyright © vemuabhi Please support by reblogs if you like my writings.

“What happened?”, you shook the shoulder of your friend Diluc as he sat heartbroken on the chair outside the Emergency ward.

“He didn’t speak a word since Kaeya was admitted in the hospital”, Eula adjusted her glasses as she looked at the door of the room Kaeya was in. What had happened? Just yesterday you had met those brothers and talked about your lives after college. Diluc and Kaeya were your college friends. After college, you couldn’t find friends like them no matter wherever you went. The two handsome men were your friends and that made some classmates be jealous of you, when you yourself didn’t knew how they both became so close to you too.

The two of them met you near a party, when you noticed the tan man, away from everyone else two blocks away from the party throwing up. The ginger was looking out of breath, even though he still looked breathtaking with that high pony. You pointed him towards the blue and even helped Diluc carry him towards his car. That’s how you three met. The next day in class, Kaeya recognised you and practically dragged you to Diluc. Ever since you three have been inseparable. After College, sometimes you three caught up and talked serious thing about the future and to silly nothings like how Diluc let himself go just because he changed his hairstyle from a high pony to now a low one.

Now you sat next to the ginger and gently pulled him towards you, letting him rest on your shoulder. Just yesterday you and Diluc were talking shit to Kaeya right to his face about how he got drunk recently and ended up sleeping on the branch of a tree, who knew it was even possible.

After what seemed like an hour, Diluc held your shirt, still laying on your shoulder. His eyes glistened with tears welling up in them. “Will he… wake up?”, he spoke sending chills down your spines. Of course, even if the brothers fought more than most of the siblings, for Diluc, Kaeya was one of his only few friends he could rely on and trust.

“He will. Trust me, he is one of the most stubborn person I’ve met in my life”, Eula smiled at Diluc as she patted his head.

Seeing Diluc in such a miserable state was the first time for you. You remember the times when Kaeya spoke with you how Diluc was for almost a year after his father passed. He mentioned how he was broken and just dedicated the complete year to studies. While Kaeya, he had his regrets. That was the year he actually got addicted to alcohol. Both the brothers had fought always during that time but, stayed by each other’s side when needed the most.

After 20 minutes Eula left and you and Diluc were the only people remaining near the hospital ward. You tried to stay strong for Diluc, who was now sobbing softly onto your shoulder the moment Eula left. It was as if he was trying to hold back his tears until he could stay alone, or with you being the exception. You rubbed his back soothingly trying to calm him.

After exhausting himself from crying, he fell asleep on your lap. While your hands laced his red locks. Diluc was strong, stronger than you and Kaeya in most of the aspects. He was responsible, calm, composed and knows how to invest thoughts and time usefully. But just like how he was so strong, it took just one hit on his weakness to make him crumble and fall apart. You prayed to the gods above to make Kaeya live.

You really loved Diluc, he was your best friend, but… Kaeya. He was… no, he had been your crush since the day you laid your eyes on him. You spoke to no one regarding your feelings for him to anyone. You wondered when Diluc was actually your type, Kaeya was the one who had your heart captured. He was careless, prioritised drinking more than any of his partners, but he valued his friends very much. Now as Diluc was sleeping, now your tears streamed down your cheeks.

Kaeya, The one boy in class, who was extremely popular for his looks and charm. He looked ethereal to you. He was the type of guy, to fuck and forget. ‘The Drinks before Dates’, he used to say before he bailed on one of his dates for alcohol. But his voice could make anyone get an eargasm. His style was always on point. His grades were just as amazing because he could remember things so well. Even if he showed up hungover, he could remember the classes well. You couldn’t get your racing heart to calm down every time you looked at him. He charmed you every time you were with him.

Diluc was your safe space, because whenever Diluc was around, your emotions stayed intact. But you did feel calm with Diluc more. He was the type who stayed quiet, which made some people uncomfortable but, you could understand that, it was just who he was. ‘Only if people could give him some more time’, you used to think about Diluc while he sincerely read the book before him in the library. He was so your type and he even was handsome, but… your heart fluttered for Kaeya.

“I love him”

“I know”

Your teary eyes widened when you heard the voice of Diluc. He wasn’t looking at you as his hand continued to rest on his eyes.

“Make sure to tell him when he wakes up”, he grunted as he woke up from your lap.

“Okay, I’ll tell him”, your tears continued to roll down your face again. Diluc wiped your tears with his thumb and said, “He’ll live, I’m sure”. That was all you needed to hear from Diluc. You smiled and nodded.

XOXOXOXOXXOXO

By the blessings of the Gods, he lived and the first chance you got, you expressed your feelings for him. He was shocked as to never notice those feelings of yours. He agreed to go out with you making him to mention that you were his girlfriend. That was a very happy moment for you but.. you couldn’t help but feel a bit weird? Was it because of how your friend was now your boyfriend or was it because of how… he seemed, different. The glow in his eyes shifted. It… made him seem… unapproachable at times to you. His friends came to meet him and wish for his recovery. No one seemed to notice the difference. Was it… all in your head? Was he okay? Was he… still the same Kaeya?

‘Did… Diluc notice it?’, you looked at him and he had the same blank expression while he sat next to Kaeya, as his friends greeted him. The smile on Kaeya’s face still dangled on his lips. As he was making jokes with his friends, his gaze met yours making him to flash you the prettiest smile you’ve ever seen. ‘Whatever, he is still the Kaeya that I liked. Maybe I’m thinking way too much.’ You removed those thoughts and smiled back at him.

“That was the moment I lost my conscious as I looked at my bike almost crushed beside me.”

“That is really painful to even imagine”, Diluc nodded as you said it.

“Still alive, doing just fine”, he said as he got a cramp in his fracture making him lean back on the pillow.

“Ok, okay we get it. You are strong. Can you care for resting a bit”, you said while helping him to adjust his posture.

“Idiot”, Diluc scoffed while Kaeya Laughed.

As days passed Kaeya seemed to smile and gleam more and more whenever he was talking to you. It felt like he was really starting to like you.

“How come did I not notice you before”, he took your hand in his making Diluc uncomfortable and leave the hospital room. “I’ll take you on your best date once I am okay to leave the hospital”.

Kaeya was the epitome of adoration to you now. You just couldn’t help but meet him every day after work because he was bored most of the time being alone in the hospital. Sometimes you got him pretty flowers like him and sometimes fruits. Kaeya wasn’t much of a reader but, he started to read and even complete reading the books you got him. He was… actually making an effort. He would learn your interests and talk to you about them. Making the conversations last even longer.

After what felt like months, though it had been only 10 days he got out of the hospital. Even though he wasn’t healed he insisted on taking you for your date that he had promised. But you refused and instead suggested watching a movie in his house while Diluc went for his Job. Which you did implement.

Kaeya already prepared few movies to choose from as now he knew what type of movies you liked. Ordered food and placed it on the table. It was so precious how he was still having one of his arms in cast and was using a walking stick to maintain his balance, wore comfortable navy-blue shirt which was way too big on him, but still, he prepared all this. All of it for his date with you. ‘Was he always like this?’, you thought as both cuddled on his couch as the movie kept playing.

After the date, while you were leaving, he got sad and tugged on your shirt in an attempt to ask you to stay. You couldn’t leave him like that so you did what was best for that moment. You tiptoed as your hands pulled him down, you placed a kiss on his cheek. It was brief but it was enough to make his cheeks to turn into the shade of red that you have never ever seen. His visible eye widened and you could see that his pupil diluted.

“Bye”, you said and walked backwards while you faced him. His fingers touched his cheek as his other hand waved you.

‘Fuck that was damn adorable’, you thought as you left.

That night, you couldn’t sleep properly. The blue was all you could think of. Then you heard your phone chime. It was him.

“You not sleeping yet?”

Your lips formed a smile as you typed back.

“No, still not asleep. I will regret not sleeping tomorrow morning, when I have to go for work”.

“haha , Should I wake you up?”

“It would help”.

“Okay, get your beauty sleep my princess”.

With that you placed your phone aside while smiling to yourself. Little did you know, that he was also feeling the same. If mentioned correctly. Your feelings wouldn’t even compare to the “affection” he had for you.

If he was your friend like before, he would’ve suggested to close your curtains before going to bed, but now he was happy that you didn’t close the curtains. He wasn’t afraid of any creeps trying to look at you. If he found any, he could just end them there itself. So, no threat to you now. He was protecting you. He thought as he leaned back on the wall while he used the support of the stick he needed for balance. ‘Should get better as soon as possible’, he thought as he rubbed his injured hand. ‘At least for Y/N’s sake’. His good hand again reached for the binoculus hanging on his chest. Positioning the view to again look at your sleeping form from the window.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

That healing took about 6 to 7 weeks, but Kaeya didn’t complain to you because you would regularly help him and take him to the doctors when needed. That way, your love was visible to him. “Even I want to take care of you”, he placed his hand on your cheek, “I will get better soon”.

“Good! That’s the sprit Kae”, you said as you placed your hand on his. He leaned in to kiss your cheek.

Kaeya got Clingy as soon as he got better. You weren’t complaining as you also were an overthinker. So being clingy was way better than making you feel miserable, in which your ex’s scored a perfect score.

“You are in cab now?”, you hummed in response. “Send me your location”.

You smiled because none of your previous relationships ‘cared’ for you like Kaeya did. Little did you know, he made sure that your location was always being shared with him without you knowing. This way he could know where you were and could rescue you quickly.

XOXOXOXOXOXO

The first time you and Kaeya actually went on a date ended with him being on your bed, while his hands ran through your hair as you made out. Strange how he didn’t even ask you regarding the confusing light switches. ‘Maybe he was just that clever’, you reassured yourself as you deepened the kiss. You straddling him while he was still trying to hold you was the last straw for his composure.

Man with one swift move changed the positions. Now you were underneath him. His kisses travelled from your jaw to your collar bone, while his hands worked their way to undress you. Sex with him was even better than you could ever imagine. His voice was enough to make you turned on but his moans and grunts were just, irresistible.

“You are mine, Y/N and I am yours”, was what he said as he held you in his arms.

“So you are falling in love with me?”, your question made him to chuckle.

“Ah, sorry for not letting you know earlier. I thought it was made clear that I love you”, his words made your heart to skip a beat. Of course you didn’t knew all the times he confessed his feelings to you as you were sleeping while he conveyed his emotions.

“I have fallen in love with you my dear”

“I… I also love you”, your cheeks flushed red and you buried your face in his chest making him laugh.

“So, Y/N, who is this guy named Childe?”

“Ah, he’s my colleague, Why do you wanna know about him Kae-”, you tried to look at him but he again pulled you back into his chest making you giggle.

“Just making sure my love is okay and not being involved with dangerous people”, he pinched your cheek as you looked up at him.

“Hehe, its fine Kae, Childe is a nice guy. He is very outgoing person and friendly like you. No reasons to be worried”.

“Yeah, if you say so my dear”

Yeah, It wasn’t okay for Kaeya... He will definitely take things in his hands. Maybe he should just get a job in your company, so then you can be with him all the time. If keeping the relationship, a secret in office was required, he could do that. As keeping you safe was the first priority to him.

Thanks for reading!

copyright © vemuabhi

Likes, Comments and reblogs are always appreciated.

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[circus4apsycho8]

haunted house. | kai & reader

𝚍𝚊𝚢 𝟻/��� 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚌𝚒𝚛𝚌𝚞𝚜' 𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚓𝚊𝚐𝚘 𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚗 𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚝 (𝚜𝚎𝚎 𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚏𝚘𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚛𝚎 𝚒𝚗𝚏𝚘 + 𝚖𝚊𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚝).

𝚠𝚊𝚛𝚗𝚒𝚗𝚐𝚜: 𝚖𝚎𝚗𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜 𝚘𝚏 𝚑𝚊𝚕𝚕𝚘𝚠𝚎𝚎𝚗-𝚝𝚢𝚙𝚒𝚌𝚊𝚕 𝚐𝚘𝚛𝚎

This always happens. 

First, a frustrated sigh escapes you as you try to shift in your bed, everything feeling off. Certainly not suited for sleep, much to your dismay. 

“And to think, I was about passed out on the couch,” you mumble, rolling your eyes as you lay there. Maybe if you stay still, you’ll get tired?

The answer to the question is never revealed, though, because moments later your phone screen lights up. You turn towards it, gently tugging the charger out before checking it. 

Kai: hey want to go out tonight? 

Kai: lloyd and i were gonna go to a haunted house tonight, but he got sick last minute and everyone else is busy 

Kai: (i think hes faking it bc hes scared tho lol) 

Kai: i already bought tickets so if u wanna come its covered 

Kai: i know its kinda late tho so no worries if u cant 

A haunted house?! What better way to get spooky on such a wonderful fall night? You shoot upright, stumbling to get out of bed as you respond: 

You: I’m in!! Thank you :)))) 

Kai: np, ill be there in 20 

With that, you start changing, thoughts drifting to the thoughts of what nightmares the haunted house could behold. It’s a bummer that more of your friends can’t attend, but you’re still excited to at least go with Kai. 

Besides, you haven’t hung out with the Ninja of Fire lately, and you find yourself missing his hotheaded nature sometimes. 

Soon enough, you’re waiting by your door anxiously, belongings clutched in your hands. When a brisk knock emanates from your door, you force yourself to wait a few moments before opening it. Can’t seem too eager, right? 

“Hey!” Kai greets, grinning at you as you smile back at his. His brown hair is spiked, but a bit messier than usual, and he’s dressed in civilian clothing: a long-sleeved red shirt and dark jeans to match. 

“Hi!” you repeat, stepping out of your apartment before locking the door. Once that’s done, you take a moment to give Kai a quick hug. “It’s been a while since I’ve seen you, hasn’t it?” 

“Yeah, now that you mention it, it has been,” he agrees, gently returning the embrace as you inhale the scent of his cologne. “I brought my bike. I hope that’s okay.” 

“Works for me!” you chirp, following him down the stairs. “Which one are we going to?” 

“It’s called Ninjago Nightmare Manor. They’re hosting it inside of an abandoned building this year to really add to the mood.” 

“That sounds so cool!” you reply, the two of you making it outside. The chilly night air embraces you as Kai hands you a red helmet. The article matches his red bike, complete with a cheesy flame design on it. 

You snort upon seeing it, glancing at Kai as you decide to mess with him: “I bet you get all the girls with that flame on your bike.” 

Kai raises an eyebrow at you, picking up his own helmet. “Wow. Bullying me already?” 

“Do you expect anything less of me?” you retort as he straddles the bike, swiping up the kickstand with his heel. 

“Just stop talking and get on the bike,” he says, settling his hands on the bars as the engine whirs to life. You just giggle and climb on behind him, making sure you flick the visor down before gaining a strong grip around his waist. 

“Ready?” he calls, glancing back towards you. 

“Yeah!” you say, pressing your head against his shoulder so you can have a good view of the street. 

With that, Kai takes off. You sigh in relief as you watch the dark street pass in a blur, ears filled with the sound of the wind and engine as Kai expertly steers the motorcycle. 

Chills seep through the fabric of your shirt, beckoning a bunch of goosebumps to form on your skin. Kai’s body heat is enough to keep you from completely freezing, though. 

A few minutes pass as he steers through the empty streets of Ninjago City, eventually leaving the city and speeding down an old, gravel road. You notice an old building approaching along the side of the road situated next to a makeshift parking lot made on the grass. 

Kai turns into the lot, finding a suitable spot before shutting the motorcycle off. You sport an exhilarated grin as Kai steps off, taking a second to unstrap your helmet before pulling it off. 

The Master of Fire takes both of your helmets, setting them on his spot before holding his hand out to you. You take it, allowing him to help you off. 

You can’t help but feel a bit shaky after the experience. “That was fun!” 

“Woah, you okay?” he questions after seeing you wobble a little bit. 

“Yeah, just give me a second,” you say, steadying yourself with his hand before releasing it. “Okay, let’s go!” 

“Looks like the line isn’t terribly long,” Kai notes as the two of you head towards a small tent containing two folding tables, where a few employees are seated behind laptops. “I guess we got here at a good time.” 

You take a second to observe the building. The windows are decorated with bloody handprints, foggy glass, and other Halloween-themed decorations. A few of the staff members mill about the front, most of them in costumes. 

“They nailed the vibe,” you comment as Kai turns to look at the building. “And whoever decided to host it here deserves a raise.” 

“I wonder if it’ll be scarier than last year,” Kai adds, the two of you getting in line behind another couple. 

“I hope so. They always get super creative with their characters!” you add, studying some of the costumes that are present at the entrance. You already see someone dressed up as Michael Myers holding a metal detector at the entrance. 

A few moments later, the couple at the ticket table leaves, leaving you and Kai to step up to the table. 

“Hey guys. Got your tickets, or need to buy ‘em?” greets the employee, smiling tiredly up to the two of you. 

“I’ve got them right here,” Kai answers, fishing the tickets out of his pocket before handing them over. 

The employee takes them, stashing them in a box before holding a stamp up. “Perfect, let me just stamp the back of your hands really quick.” 

She does Kai’s first, then yours as you offer your hand. Once done, you pull it back to see a cutesy, green skull that glows in the dark. 

“Alright, and you guys can just wait over there while we gather the next party to enter. An employee will be with you once there’s enough people.” 

“Cool, thank you!” you say as the two of you make your way towards a small clearing with a bunch of folding chairs set up. About seven other people are milling about, all associating in their own little groups or pairs. 

It isn’t until a group of three joins that an employee comes over, briefly going over the rules before guiding the ten of you over to the entrance, where Michael Myers scans for metal before allowing you all inside. 

Already, you can see a faux fog and bright colors contrasting against the dark setting. Cobwebs and spiders line the hall, leading to the line area where two women are waiting. They’re dressed as Harley Quinn and Poison Ivy, both chatting quietly amongst themselves. 

You and Kai make your way up to the front, watching as the two women silently check to see that everyone’s hands are stamped. Once they’re done, they instruct you all to watch the video depicting the rules displayed on the TV above their counter. 

As you watch, though, you can’t help but notice that the Harley Quinn dressed employee is standing a little too close for comfort and is staring right at you. Knowing it’s part of the act, you do your best to ignore it with a small smile on your face as the video continues. 

Once it ends, she asks: “Do you like Christmas?” 

“Yeah, it’s fine. Not as great as Halloween, though,” you reply, watching as her stare narrows into a frown, still looking at you. 

A few painfully long seconds later, she moves to Kai next, doing the same thing. “How ‘bout you? Do you like Christmas?” 

“Yeah,” Kai replies as she steps a little too close to him. 

“Good,” she comments, staring at him for a few more seconds. “I like Christmas too.” 

“Cool...” Kai trails off, clearly not knowing what else to say. 

She goes to make the other guests uncomfortable, leaving you and Kai to chat quietly amongst yourselves while you both wait. Fortunately, the woman dressed as Poison Ivy steps over to open the door soon after, gesturing for you all to enter. 

With that, you and Kai send excited glances at each other before entering. 

At first, you’re walking through a dim room lit with stereotypical haunted house candles on one side of the wall. It soon transitions into a wider room, barely lit by blue and purple lights. Located here is a woman dressed up as a bloodied doll, the room themed like a children’s room and lined with creepy dolls. Some of their eyes are either missing or replaced with buttons. 

“Stay and play with us !” the woman calls, holding one of the dolls up to her face. “We won’t bite!” 

“I hate dolls like this,” Kai mutters. “Reminds me of one of Nya’s old toys. It always creeped me out when I was a kid.” 

You chuckle, shrugging in response. “C’mon, it’s not that bad!” 

The hallway narrows, guiding the two of you into something resembling a psychotic doctor’s office. Sure enough, a large man dressed as a dentist is inside, holding a pair of tongs baring a tooth. 

He approaches you, eyeing you with an unsettling expression as he taps the tongs together a few times. “Your teeth are pretty... I want them...” 

“How about mine?” Kai questions. 

“Yours are stinky,” replies the dentist without missing a beat. 

“What?” Kai questions, pretending to be offended. “Rude!” 

“Give me them molars, little lady!” roars the man as the two of you exit the room. “GIVE ‘EM” 

“Their costumes are super cool,” you note to Kai. The hallway narrows even more, now complete with sharp corners. “I wish we had more time to look at the little details they add.” 

Next up is a killer clown circus room, with three actors running around with fake weapons. The room is lit under a blacklight, making all of the colors glow vibrantly as the clowns roar with vicious laughter. 

“YOU’LL FLOAT TOO!” they taunt between laughs. 

“The killer clown is kind of overrated,” Kai mumbles. 

“Agreed.” 

Thankfully, the next room is filled with a little more excitement. A gore-filled scene awaits the two of you, complete with fake limbs and decapitated limbs scattered about the area. What really completes the scene, though, is a tall, buff man bearing a fake chainsaw and a serial killer mask. 

He ‘revs’ the chainsaw, causing realistic noises to emanate from the prop. Your eyes widen as he raises it, immediately sprinting towards you. 

You squeal, the act catching you off guard as you make a dash for the exit, Kai right behind you but also not fazed. 

“You should have seen your face!” Kai yells, laughing in response. 

You roll your eyes, pouting as you both work your way through a weird hallway, this one with a bubbly fabric in place of normal walls. The two of you have to swipe your way through, the sounds of screams and wails of pain echoing across the room. 

Kai randomly gives a high-pitched screech, making you laugh as you scream in return for no reason. 

“Why are we screaming?” you wonder, finally breaking through the fabric and entering a normal hallway. 

“Because we can!” he answers. “Oh, look down there!” 

Unfortunately, at the end of the hallway lies a seated witch animatronic. Its face is disfigured, mouth twisted into a gnarly grin while its lifeless eyes stare at the two of you dully. Strung about its torso are tattered and bloodied robes. In its left hand is a mystical but monochrome staff. 

 It’s right next to the exit, meaning that you’ll have to pass it in order to proceed. 

“Is it gonna jump at us?” you wonder, eyes widening as you study the figure. It doesn’t look like it’s turned on, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other means of activating it. 

“That’s why they put it there - to instill tension in your brain,” Kai replies, turning towards you with a smirk. “It’s not actually on.” 

“What if it’s motion activated or something?” you mumble, still skeptical. 

“C’mon! Even if it, is the worst it’ll do is pop out at us.” 

“Oh really? Then you go first if you’re so brave!” you retort, pushing your way behind Kai. 

“Fine!” he huffs, leading the way. 

You peer around Kai’s shoulders a few times, breathing a sigh of relief once the two of you are through the door. 

“See? I told you,” Kai replies with a smirk. “No jump scare there.” 

“Whatever,” you mumble, tone lighthearted. 

The last room the two of you get to experience is that depicting the dead bride trope. Thankfully, this one is a bit tamer – an actress sits to the side, woefully picking her eternal bouquet filled with sparing blue petals. You can see fallen petals scattered about the floor, their soft, blue glow a contrast against the dreary, gray Victorian style wallpaper. 

The actress, complete with a zombie bride costume, solemnly mumbles underneath her breath, paying no attention to either of you. You can catch whispers of her voice behind the faint screams and chainsaw noises emanating from the other rooms. 

“...he loves me...loves me not...” she mumbles, tossing petals onto the floor without a care. Her voice is so fragile that it almost makes you forget that she’s simply acting. 

“If you have to ask yourself whether he loves you, then he’s not worth it,” Kai snaps, expression blank as the woman glances up towards him. 

“Yeah. Was he the one who murdered you?” you play along, glancing at the actress for an answer. 

She remains quiet for a moment, tilting her head before nodding. 

“Then murder him back!” you suggest. 

“Perhaps I could...” she murmurs, trailing off before glancing at you once more. “Perhaps I will.” 

With that, the two of you exit the main portion of the haunted house. 

“’Murder him back’? Really?” Kai teases, shoving your shoulder gently. 

“Shut up. I was trying to get into it,” you reply with a snicker. 

With that, the two of you make your way towards the stairwell, immediately making your way towards the descent. 

That is, until you start to hear soft footsteps behind you. A quick glance behind you reveals an employee sneaking up behind Kai. 

You immediately realize what he’s about to do, deciding to engage Kai again to provide another distraction. 

“Hey, want to get food once we’re out of here?” you wonder, smiling smally at him as he nods. 

“Actually, yeah, that sounds great. I was thinking we could grab something at Chen’s-” 

“HAPPY HALLOWEEN!” screeches the employee from behind Kai, who jumps a little bit with a startled yell. You immediately burst out into laughter, Kai’s expression souring. 

“Were you just trying to distract me?” he questions. 

“Yeah, but that was also a serious question,” you reply, both of you bidding goodnight to the employees before heading downstairs. “Want to get food?” 

“Yeah, let’s do it,” he adds as the two of you make your back towards his motorcycle, the haunted house fading into the horizon a few minutes later. 

[plasticbag3207]

Alastor and Vox Possibly Knew Each Other in Life

I recently started writing/planning a fic centering around how Alastor and Vox met, and how their friendship turned sour into what their rivalry is today. I’m sure people have already written fics like this but I haven’t seen any (not that I’ve been looking) with this as the main plot and without heavy shipping.

Until literally this morning I wasn’t ever quite able to peg down Alastor and Vox’s ages. I assumed they were at least in their 30s, though it didn’t seem out of the question to say they were older or maybe even a little younger.

That is until I found the leaked character sheets of them. Apparently a year (or two?) ago someone leaked a lot of the character sheets/voice sheets for most of Hazbin Hotel’s cast. Obviously leaking is bad, don’t do it. I also don’t know if everything on those sheets is still canon, so I’m only going to talk about the ages. Also massive thank you to my friend for talking about this with me and helping me come up with stuff :)

(Theories, Headcanons, and Spoilers for the fic below the cut)

According to Alastor’s character sheet, he’s roughly in his 40s, and I’m going to say he was born in 1891. Assuming sinners don’t physically age at all after going to hell (because I’m 90% sure they don’t), that’d make him 42 at his death in 1933. Vox on the other hand, I’m saying was born in 1902, and died in 1955, making him 53 when he died. With these dates Vox and Alastor were only 11 years apart.

In my headcanons Alastor landed his job as a radio host in his mid 20s (1913), and built his way up to being the most popular radio host in New Orleans. By 1918 (27 years old) he had his own full show, which ran for 15 years until his death—and was wildly popular.

My headcanon for Vox on the other hand, is that he started as an actor. He always loved attention, and soon by his early 20s (1924) became a big hit on the silver screen. Very quickly he climbed to the top, becoming beloved by Hollywood and starring in many more movies over his lifespan.

I don’t think Alastor had such a massive disdain for television or visual media yet, though I’m not going to say he loved it. He saw Vox as some attention hound, constantly desperate for more with an insatiable appetite—not unlike himself.

Vox at some point stumbles apon Alastor’s radio show, and instantly loves the guy. He laughs at every joke, loves the creativity of the sound effects, and such. After some tugging of strings he meets Alastor in person and offers to interview him on one of his late night shows. Alastor reluctantly accepts, though the two can’t help but be put off—and even annoyed at times by each others’ presence.

The interview, to say the least, does not go very well. Alastor found it a bit humiliating, Vox being too caught up in the spotlight and not all that willing to share it with Alastor. After that, Al decided that “this face was made for radio” and radio only.

They potentially saw each other in passing, but beyond that their interactions were limited.

Eventually Al dies, and is outed as a serial killer. Vox becomes ever more popular with televisions becoming a household item of the 50s until he dies.

Yippie :)

I’m not 100% sure how much of this is canon compliant, but whatever it’s my fanfic I’ll do what I want with it. Also don’t worry I didn’t spoil the entire thing, just aspects of their human lives. Most of the fic will probably be in Hell. (When/if I post the fic on Ao3 I’ll link it here aswell)

EDIT: I started the fic, it’s a little rough but I’ll polish it up eventually. I also can’t promise I’ll stay 100% true to everything I talked about in this post but it’ll probably be pretty close. Anyways, I hope you enjoy :)

[glittertomb]

Nobody asked but these are some of my favorite podcasts!

I’ve gotten really into podcasts the past couple of years because of social isolation, my knitting addiction, and because they really help me get through tedious chores like folding laundry and washing dishes (this is honestly my favorite adhd hack, besides turning on instrumental fantasy music so I can focus when reading). So I’ve definitely cultivated a little mind garden of spooky, magical, and informative podcasts that I wanted to share with you. Some are more mainstream, some are a little more obscure, but all of them are dear to me and have comforted and nourished me during dark days.

National park after dark~ my current favorite podcast is hosted by two new englanders with backgrounds in conservation, animal care, and park exploration who share stories about dark happenings, mysterious sightings, perilous treks, and deadly experiences at national parks across the globe

Your magic~ an inclusive and open-minded modern magic podcast hosted by popular author, tarot fanatic, and lifelong witch Michelle Tea that features an amazing lineup of diverse guests including scientists, musicians, actors, social justice advocates, fledgling magic practitioners, and people who were practicing magic without even realizing it

Pleasing Terrors~ hosted by a former tour guide of haunted locations, this podcast explores morbid histories, creepy folktales, and unexplained circumstances from the perspective of a person who has devoted their life to researching and sharing ghost stories for over 20 years

Out There~ this queer host with a voice like melted butta tells dramatic tales about the encounters with, descriptions of, and theories about the cryptids that haunt our imaginations (the podcast used to include a weird club segment at the end where they would invite their hilarious friends to discuss the believability of the featured cryptid, but it’s been missing for a few months and I hope it comes back 🥺)

Lore~ most people are probably aware of this delightfully spooky podcast about frightening folklore, but I had to include it because this is one of my go-to podcasts for when I’m taking a nighttime bath by candlelight and need a good spooky story to soak to, because I’m a little weirdo like that

The Strange and unusual podcast~ intoxicating and beautifully-told macabre stories that range from dark fairytales, mysterious murders, tainted histories, and hand-woven tales crafted by the host herself (it’s accompanied by melancholic music and the occasional low budget sound effects of people grunting/dying lol)

Morbid~ my emotional support murder podcast 😭😹. I was never really one to follow true crime, but I discovered this popular podcast when researching the haunted past of lake Lanier and I fell in love with these girls and their wonderful storytelling, hilarious banter, and thoughtful perspectives. Plus, getting extra insight from Alaina’s autopsy background is fascinating to me. And who doesn’t love the delightful nonsense and off-the-cuff witticisms that spout from Ash.

Cults~ this is the podcast that got me into daily listening! I was a big fan of welcome to night vale since the beginning, but Cults is the podcast that truly got me hooked on podcast listening and I even fall asleep to it (I guess listening to horrifying stories about mass manipulation is… soothing? Am I okay?). The podcast has unfortunately been on a year long hiatus but it has an ton of archived episodes that will thrill and chill you. Now I guess I need to start a new cult so they can have more content 🤔🤫

Coffee & Cauldrons~ this podcast is hosted by two professional tarot readers with mentoring personalities who want to make the world of magic accessible to everyone. Their show includes book recommendations for beginners, insights on how to practice during different lunar phases, tips on creating your own altar, and stories about their personal practice.

Spooked~ the latest podcast I’ve added to my very long list is hosted by a black creator who shares ghost stories from the first-person perspective. I really like this podcast because it’s produced by a team of people who are very diverse in race, age, gender, location, and background, and the guests they feature on the podcast to tell their own stories are just as varied.

If you made it to the end, thank ya and love ya! Happy spooking! 💜🌸👻

[roadkillthefox]

INTRODUCTION

Hello, internet. You can call me Carrion or Roadkill. If calling me either of those makes you uncomfortable, Scavenger is fine. I use he/they/it pronouns. I am 20 years old. I am a perisex trans man who was AFAB. I am pansexual and demiromantic. I am alterhuman. My identities are as follows:

Melanistic “silver” red fox (past life, unsure on gender, but probably male)

Spotted hyena (past life, probably female)

Drake/wingless dragon (psychological)

Bearded vulture (otherlink)

Gray wolf (hearttype, along with canines in general)

Were-hellhound (both physical and psychological)

If you have questions about my nonhumanity, feel free to ask.

I first made this blog for venting purposes, mostly, so I’m still going to talk about a lot of things that impact my life. Depression, anxiety, imposter syndrome, chronic pain, PTSD, SA, SH, abusive parents, gender dysphoria, species dysphoria, etc. And I’m going to swear. A lot. This blog is for talking without a filter. I might even mention my problems with being hypersexual. This isn’t an 18+ blog, but it isn’t not one, either.

I have been diagnosed with autism, social anxiety disorder, general anxiety disorder, major depressive disorder, ADHD, CPTSD, and fibromyalgia. I am part of a median system (each part/alter will have their own intro below).

If you have a problem with any of this, please don’t harass me. Just block me and move on with your day.

I’m also going to post song lyrics that I like, reblog stuff I’m interested in, and maybe share some art that I make, now that I’ve decided to use this as my main blog.

This is a safe space for everyone. Systems of all origins, those with personality disorders, those who use pet or age regression (just be aware that I do swear quite a bit). This is also a safe place for paraphilias that are not harmful (so all except those that involve children, animals, and the dead). Any hate or harassment towards myself or anyone in my comment sections will not be tolerated and will result in you being blocked immediately.

One of my interests is vulture culture, or the collection of parts of animals (bones, antlers, feathers, etc), and I made a side blog for that specifically. You can find it at @scavengerlyfe

DNI (fuck off, get help, etc.): racists, sexists, homophobes, transphobes, acephobes, anyone who hates intersex people for any reason, ableists, zionists and supporters, pedophiles and supporters, zoophiles and supporters, necrophiles and supporters, anti endo, TERFs, people (dumbasses) who think that those with NPD and/or ASPD and/or any other personality disorder are inherently abusive (this falls under ableism, but I had to say it again), etc.

Note: I don’t care if you’re a religious person. Just don’t try to convince me that being myself is inherently wrong. I worship nature itself; don’t try to tell me I should believe what you believe. Same goes for political beliefs. I don’t care, just don’t harass me about it

PART/ALTER INTRODUCTIONS (We call ourselves the Fractured Mirror Collective, by the way. Unanimously agreed on it). Everyone in this system is an adult, but please don’t flirt with any of us, even jokingly (unless you know us irl)

Ilerei

Gender: female, uses she/her, but doesn’t mind being called they/them once in a while

Species: unsure, some kind of unique creature

Origin: host made an imaginary friend as a kid. That imaginary friend became real and basically the host’s sibling and voice of reason

General traits: caring, protective of the host, tries to keep everyone else in check

Moth

Gender: genderless, uses it/its

Species: winged demon-like being, possibly undead

Origin: unclear, literally just showed up out of nowhere, took control of the body and freaked out about the lack of wings and claws. That was 8/12/24, so Moth is very new here

General traits: angry most of the time, obsessed with wings and flying. Enjoys collecting feathers. Tends to say violent things

Haunt

Gender: unclear, but uses any pronouns

Species: Wenditcher (Hollywood’s bastardized version of the w*endigo)

Origin: not sure, possibly trauma-based

General traits: Quiet, mostly apathetic, hungry all the time. Enjoys collecting bones. Less angry than Moth, but talks a lot about how edible most living things are