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#why???? would you cut it??? to hurt me???? to hurt me personally????
witchesverse · 1 day
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house wife
pairing: dark!50swanda x fem!reader
summary: after wanda meets you in her hex, she decides that she wants to keep you as her own.
content: noncon, heavy manipulation, degradation, mention of murder, crying, cheating (kinda??), nipple touching, fingering, clit rubbing, spitting, face slapping, mention of training.
a/n: half way writing this i realised wanda didn't have her children in the 50s so just pretend she did so i don't need to rewrite it :(
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The moment she met you, she was hooked. Everything about you drew her in. It made her heart flutter at how you genuinely cared for others and that beautiful, shy smile that would spread across your face at one of her compliments.
And it made her stomach flip at how utterly perfect your body was.
When she created the hex, it was out of grief and the yearning for a family with her dead husband, Vision. But once she met you, that idea was disregarded, and then her children and Vision disappeared.
She didn't care for her family's disappearance. She was too focused on the fact that she could finally have you.
The real you.
"Oh, hiya, Wanda!" Your cheerful voice brought a smile to her face.
You stood at your front door, holding a cookie tray with an apron wrapped around your waist. Wanda thought you looked adorable.
"Oh no, I hope I'm not intruding on your baking time, sweetheart." Wanda's voice was laced with faux concern.
You immediately shook your head, seemingly baffled by the question Wanda had asked. "Of course not! Your presence would never intrude on my time. In fact, why don't you come and sit whilst I finish baking?"
"Are you sure? I don't-"
"I insist."
Wanda bit her tongue, holding herself back from snapping at you and spanking your arse over her thigh. How dare you cut her off.
You stepped back, letting Wanda enter your house.
Your house was big for one person; it makes Wanda think someone else lived here before the hex.
"Make yourself at home!" You gestured to the living room, "I'll just pop these in the oven."
Instead of sitting on the couch, Wanda followed you to the kitchen and watched you. She held back a moan at how perfect your arse looked as you bent down to place the cookies in the oven.
She wanted to be slow and give you time to warm up to her, but you looked too perfect to resist, especially with how your dress revealed your panties to her.
"Come here," Wanda spoke with such authority that you immediately obeyed.
She softly grabbed you by the chin, forcing you to look at her. She smiled at how easily you complied.
Such a dumb, pretty thing.
She dragged her thumb over your lips and your mouth dropped slightly. Her chuckle brought you back into 'reality'.
"Um," You cleared your throat and stepped away from her. Wanda hid the anger in her face.
She stepped forward, sandwiching you between herself and the kitchen counter. She placed one hand on the counter and the other on your temple.
She lifted the spell.
Your eyes widened and your sweet, soft look was replaced by pure fear. You tried to run, but Wanda prepared for that and her magic kept you in place.
"Y-You did this," You whimpered "Please, let me go. I'll do anything, please."
Wanda smiled innocently, "Anything?"
"My wife-" You gasped, "Is she here? God, I haven't seen her in weeks. Please let her go if she's here. I promise-"
Wanda covered your mouth with her hand. She didn't want to hear about your wife. She wished she trapped your stupid wife in her hex so she could kill her.
"If you comply, I promise I won't hurt her." It was a simple lie, but you believed it.
She used her thumb to wipe your tears away. She couldn't have you crying already.
"Strip for me."
She watched with an amused grin as your brain struggled to process her request, but when it did, heat rose to your cheeks. With shaky hands, you removed your clothing until you were bare and on complete display for Wanda.
Wanda's fingers brushed against your erect nipples and her other hand wrapped around your throat, pushing you onto the counter. You whimpered as your back hit the cold counter.
"So perfect," Wanda muttered, more to herself than you.
Her fingers dragged down your stomach, goosebumps rising, until she stopped at your cunt. She lightly circled your clit and you whimpered in response.
Then, her fingers went lower. She tsked, shaking her head and brought her fingers up. They were drenched.
“I’m not…” You swallowed, unable to finish your sentence.
“You’re not what? Enjoying this?” Wanda rolled her eyes “Don’t give me that bullshit because you’re drenched.”
You looked away, tears filling your eyes. You were embarrassed.
Wanda sighed. She had a lot of behavioural corrections to do.
She grabbed your chin, turning you to face her. You watched with teary eyes as Wanda spat on your cunt, spreading her spit with her fingers.
One of her fingers slowly entered, curling upwards and pulling out. She kept a steady pace, figuring out what made you scream. It was understimulating.
"More,"
Your demand was whispered and weak, but Wanda heard it.
"Say it with manners."
"Please, can I have more?"
You nearly cried. The guilt of begging another woman to fuck you ate you up, yet you couldn't stop yourself.
Wanda rewarded you with another finger, stretching you out. Your hips desperately rutted into her palm, chasing the pleasure. It was brain-numbing how good her fingers felt.
She slipped a third finger inside. It was embarrassing how drenched you were. You could feel your slick dripping down your ass and were positive it was dripping down Wanda's arm.
Your orgasm hit you suddenly. Your back was arched and your toes curled. Your eyes fluttered closed and your mouth dropped open, letting out the sluttiest moan.
Wanda captured your lips with hers, muffling your moans.
"Can't have people knowing what a whore you are." She mumbled.
You shuddered, wanting to say something snarky in reply but words fell dumb on your tongue.
"My wife-"
Wanda pulled back, anger evident on her face and her palm met your cheek. It wasn't a hard slap, but it made your heart drop and tears fill your eyes.
"So much training is needed."
Her fingers touched your temples and you were put under her spell again. She stepped back and sucked her fingers clean, watching your reaction intently.
You cleared your throat and looked around, confusion written on your face. You ran your hands over your naked body and jumped when you noticed Wanda standing there.
"My goodness!" You picked your clothes off the floor, shielding yourself from Wanda. "Sorry, Wanda. I-I don't remember getting naked but give me three seconds to tidy myself up and I'll meet you in the living room!"
Wanda grinned as she watched you walk away.
Brainless little plaything.
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Brainrotting About A Crimson Rivers Fan Film aaaaa
And because @almostafunctionaladult (hopefully that @'s you cos idk if it worked) and a grand total of four other people liked the post I made about it, I'm gonna barf all my current ideas here
Cos why not??
FULL disclaimer I laid away late into the night conjuring all of this up and when I tried to bother my sibling with all this madness it was only semi coherent so hopefully this will make sense lol Strap in.
TO START OFF! There is SO much content even just in the first arena between all the hell James and Regulus are going through, plus wolfstar's domestic romance thing they have, and all the politics and Sirius' pov in the Hallow during the games. And THEN, you have the whole entire hellscape that is the second half of the fic and the second arena and revolution and shit, so it would be EXTREMELY hard to make a single movie. The original source material couldn't even be made into one book, let alone one movie XD
Which is why I have been stewing and pondering and have decided! Do it miniseries style >:D With the VERY large and generous budget of my dreams, it would be two seasons each with 30-45 minute episodes. Season 1 is 6-12 episodes and covers the first arena as well as the aftermath and ends once James and Regulus are on their way home. Season 2 is definitely more like 12-15 episodes and covers everything that goes down in the last 30 chapters or so.
UNFORTUNATELY, I do not have that splendid or magnificent of a budget as I am just a uni student with delusions of grandeur lol
So I would pick a few fan favourite scenes from the book and make short films about those! Starting off strong with the scene when Regulus and James meet up in the arena the first time cos I ADORE that scene and I need to see it in film XD That one is ALSO very easy to do on a budget which is nice cos it's two actors (which I still need so if you're in the US of A and can make it to Idaho, hit me up whaaaattt who said that??) and a patch of trees I could reasonably pass off as a forest on camera.
Another essential would be the Bear Trap scene and I have SO many fun ideas for camerawork on that one to add to the stress and chaos >:D never lingering on one person for two long to keep up the frantic, panicked feeling in the scene. I'd ALSO love to have a shot of them all just walking and then somehow quickly foreshadow that the trap is coming just for a split second before it cuts to a wide shot of the forest treeline for James' scream as he Gets Got. Then cut right back to all of them and commence the scene. Regulus calling James 'baby' is, of course, a must have in the book-to-film adaptation partly cos it's a recurring theme and hurts a lot when Reg says it later on, and also I just like it :) I would LOVE to do the scene with the death eaters when they catch Regulus and James cos I think that one can be really fun with the expressions. And being able to put Regulus going apeshit on Mulciber for hurting James could be a super cool but to film
I want to do EVERYTHING with Evan cos I love him so much but this is getting long so I'll have to save that for another rant
OH! And how could I forget the BEATBOXING SCENE??? I feel like I'm legally required to film the bit where James is beatboxing in the arena cos it's PEAK comedy but also the right background music could really do wonders in emphasising the level of humanity James still has in him at that point and could make it just a little bit angsty :)
RAGHHH AND MY IDEAS FOR THE FINAL SCENE WHEN REGULUS COMES OUT OF THE RIVER AND THEY REACH FOR EACOTHER! Camera blur will be my BEST friend in that one, giving the illusion that the audience is kind of seeing it from James and Regulus' pov as they're losing lucidity. Maybe some brief hints of flachbacks to all the top Jegulus highlights of the arena in, like, a 'happiest memories' sort of way? But not set on that it might be too much I dunno yet. And then I want to have the very last shot be from Regulus' pov. Imagine with me: we can see his hand in the foreground as he's reaching for James but the camera is swaying and his vision is blurry. Distantly, Slughorn's voice announces the winners of the 84th annual hunger games are none other than James Potter and Regulus Black. James, who had just been staring for the longest time, looks to Regulus, and there could possibly be the slightest twitch in his hand as he reaches back for Regulus, but the moment Slughorn's voice fades, Regulus collapses completely and it cuts to black as he passes out. And that's the end of the film. Roll credits :D
That's all I got for now, and those are only my ideas for the FIRST arena but this was getting long so I gotta cut it here lol XD Anyway yeah hopefully this was semi-coherent and as cool on metaphorical paper as it is in my head lol Let me know what yall think!! And if you have any other ideas I'd LOVE to hear them!!
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thatsoanjie · 1 day
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Unspoken costs
Sebastian Sallow x reader
Summary : You start doubting Sebastian's intentions in your friendship.
Word count : 1 124
Notes : Requests are open! I just write these to get the ideas out of my head :)
Read my disclaimer and fair use notice here
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The thought crept up on you like a shadow, subtle at first, but growing in size and weight until it consumed nearly every quiet moment you had to yourself. It was one of those thoughts that made your stomach churn, your heart clench, and every instinct scream to push it away. But no matter how hard you tried to ignore it, it lingered, gnawing at you, relentless.
It started with a simple, innocent observation—how often Sebastian would bring up Anne in your conversations. It was natural, you told yourself. Anne was his sister, his world, the person he loved most. Of course, he would talk about her, especially when you had been so deeply involved in their quest to cure her.
But then the doubts began to creep in. What if that was all you were to him? A means to an end? Someone who could help him save Anne, but nothing more?
You began to replay every interaction in your mind, searching for signs, for clues. Every time Sebastian had pulled you into his schemes, every time he had sought you out for help, every time he had looked at you with those intense, desperate eyes—it all seemed to revolve around one thing: Anne. And the more you thought about it, the more it started to hurt.
Were you just a tool to him? A convenient ally who could be discarded once Anne was cured? The idea sent a wave of nausea crashing over you. You cared about Sebastian—more than you had ever cared about anyone. But what if that care, that love, wasn’t mutual? What if you were just another piece in his puzzle, and nothing more?
After one particularly grueling day in the library, these thoughts became unbearable. You had spent hours researching yet another obscure text, and Sebastian had been restless, his frustration bubbling over.
“We’re missing something,” he muttered, his voice strained. “There has to be something more… something you can do.”
You paused, trying to calm the rising tide of doubt, but it felt too familiar, too raw. "Sebastian," you started, your voice shaking, "do you only want me around because I can help you save Anne?"
The question cut through the air, sharp and immediate. He stopped, narrowing his eyes at you, his posture stiffening.
"Are you serious right now?" His tone was incredulous, defensive. “After everything we’ve done, after everything I’ve asked of you, you’re really going to throw that at me? You think you're just some tool?"
Your breath caught in your throat, but you stood your ground. “It feels like that sometimes.”
He scoffed, pacing now, clearly agitated. “You know what, maybe you're just too afraid to see things through. Maybe it’s easier to think I’m using you than to admit you’re scared of what comes next. Coward.”
The word hit you like a blow, your heart hammering in your chest. “How can you say that? After everything we've been through?”
"Because it’s true!” he shot back, his eyes burning with frustration. "You’re brilliant, more capable than anyone I know. Hell, half of the things we’ve accomplished wouldn’t have happened without you. But here you are, too afraid to push yourself further, hiding behind this—this doubt. You think I haven’t noticed?"
The weight of his words settled on you, heavy and stifling. “I’m not hiding. I just need to know… What happens when Anne is cured? Where does that leave us?”
His expression softened, but only for a moment. “Why does it matter?” he asked bitterly. “This isn’t about us, this is about saving her.”
You felt the sting of his words but pressed on. “No, Sebastian. It is about us. I need to know if I’m just a means to an end.”
He stopped, his face hardening as he looked away, the tension thick between you. Then, almost too quietly, he said, “Maybe you want to be a means to an end. Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t want this responsibility.”
His accusation stung, but you didn’t back down. “That’s not fair. I’ve done everything I could.”
“I know!” He finally turned back to you, his voice breaking slightly. “I know you have. And that’s exactly why it frustrates me that you don’t see it. You’re extraordinary. Your talent could change everything, do things I can’t even begin to comprehend. But every time it matters—every time it could really make a difference—you hesitate. And I don’t get it.”
You felt the lump in your throat grow tighter, his words cutting deeper than you had expected. “I’m not like you, Sebastian,” you said quietly. “I can’t just throw myself into it without thinking about what it’ll cost.”
Sebastian was silent for a long moment, his face a mixture of anger and something else—something more complicated. "I don’t want to admit it, but you’re right. You don’t have to be like me, and you don’t owe me this.” His voice softened, but there was still a raw edge to it. “I can’t deny your talent is incredible. It’s—it’s the kind of magic that changes everything, that changes people. And maybe I’ve pushed you because I thought... because I needed you to see it, too. But I get it. I’m not asking you to follow me down the same path.”
You blinked, surprised by his shift in tone, by the way his defenses crumbled just enough for you to see the vulnerability underneath.
“I can’t ask that of you,” he continued, more measured now. “And I respect that. I just… I just wish things were different. That I didn’t need you so badly, and you didn’t feel like I was taking advantage of you.”
There was a painful silence as his words settled in. For the first time, it felt like he was admitting that he’d put too much on you, expected too much without understanding the weight of what he was asking.
“I don’t want to be a coward,” you whispered, your voice barely audible.
“I don’t think you are,” he said, his gaze finally softening as he looked at you. “I think you’re braver than you give yourself credit for. But I’ll respect your choice. Whatever you decide, I won’t push you.”
For the first time in a long while, you felt something loosen in your chest. His words weren’t perfect—there was still hurt, still unresolved tension—but it was enough. Enough for now.
“Thank you,” you murmured, the air between you still heavy but no longer unbearable.
Sebastian nodded, stepping back slightly but keeping his gaze on you. “I don’t want to lose you,” he admitted quietly. “Not because of this. Not because of anything.”
***
Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Requests are open. I've been trying to get a fic out every monday at 4pm ET. So far, so good! I do need to branch out from one character fics lol.
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butcharondir · 1 year
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TOM and SOPHIA + FAVORITE (CUT) BOOK QUOTE
Madam, when you reflect on the situation in which I write, I am sure your good-nature will pardon any inconsistency or absurdity which my letter contains; for everything here flows from a heart so full, that no language can express its dictates.
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giallos · 5 months
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a truly terrible idea has latched hold of my gremlin brain which is, buck and tommy do break up so that buck can pursue eddie because either tommy thinks buck is in love with eddie or buck feels like he should be with eddie because everyone else keeps suggesting there's something more there BUT buck/eddie getting together changes their dynamic so much that neither of them are enjoying themselves (and they're worrying about losing what made their friendship so special because of all the changes to the dynamic) AND buck and tommy keep hooking up [air quotes] platonically (with tommy stumbling into inconvenient feelings and pining pathetically for buck while fucking him) while buck struggles to sort out intense feelings toward eddie (which obviously have to be romantic of course) vs. his calm, more settled feelings toward tommy (they're not as intense as his feelings about eddie so they can't possibly be romantic) blah blah long story slightly less long but buck realizes he's been in love with tommy the whole time and was having trouble separating strong but platonic feelings for eddie from his romantic feelings toward tommy and then tommy's like "newsflash asshole i've been in love with you the whole goddamn time"
i'll never write it because it's irredeemably stupid and i value my peace but it IS sitting in my hindbrain tormenting me right now
#thank you for coming to my ted talk#i'm not tagging this bc i don't want it showing up in any show or ship tags but...............................#terrible evil plotbunny free to a good home#nobody ever writes about the friends who get together bc 'why not everyone else already thinks we're dating' and then it doesn't work out#because the dynamic changes SO MUCH that you're not sure if it was such a good idea in the first place#now add a third person to the mix that you like but aren't sure how you feel about them#not sure if eddie would be aware it's casual and non exclusive or if there'd be miscommunication leading to angst#honestly this is just me venting my frustrations with those breakup fics masqueraring as b*cktommy that have tommy#graciously sacrificing himself on the altar of b*ddie's true love and stepping aside magnanimously#that's not interesting to me to read even as a b*ddie shipper#if buck and tommy have to break up let it be real and messy because real people are real and messy#let tommy fight for buck even if it doesn't end up working out#let buck and eddie feel guilty because buck did genuinely care about tommy and eddie does like him as a friend#let tommy cut both of them off because even though he likes both of them he still has feelings and it hurts seeing them together#let tommy be petty about showing off a new love interest or fwb and how much happier he is with this guy than he was with buck#let buck wonder if he made the right choice or not bc he didn't ever want to hurt tommy#he only convinced himself tommy would be completely fine with the breakup because he needed him to be fine so that he could do it guilt fre#let eddie wonder if they made the right choice or not bc while he finally has what he's wanted for years it did hurt someone he really like#maybe it'll all work out in the end for buck and eddie AND tommy but i just want it to feel real and not overly polished and sanitized#and no one is hurt or upset or petty or flawed#anyway#i like mess#don't @ me#i might have to write this now but i don't want to be chased off with pitchforks and torches#text#shut up giallos
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Come on, you know you want to, give us the character bingo for Viktor.
don't mind if i doooo
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#ask me#okay there's a lot going on here but first things first#viktor has transcended the favorite character tier where I want to protect him or whatever#like yeah he did that shit! I support him but I also don't! the more trouble he gets himself into the happier I'll be!#do you feel me#like one of the things I love most about Viktor is that I feel so much sympathy for the circumstances he's in that are out of his control#but he has so much agency in his own story that everything he's gained and accomplished are because he makes choices#and GETS HIMSELF places#and now the same thing is happening with his BAD choices and I find that just as delightful if not moreso#he is the agent of his own salvation and his own destruction and I will be in the front row seat with popcorn for both or either#so writing him is mostly me studying him under the microscope poking him until he does something untoward it's very fun#I only hesitantly say that Viktor is like me but the Balkan ties and the grumpy-but-kind and obsessive personality#and the strong opinions about a chosen STEM field#are inescapable okay#mommy issues is not circled because I have mommy issues but bc I have convinced myself that Viktor WILL have them#if Nikola Tesla is anything to go by#the jayce-mel-viktor trifecta is ruled by mommy issues and i will stand by that claim#also viktor is more interesting with no therapy - with as little therapy as possible would be my preference#WITH THE EXCEPTION of the lonely genius shit that Singed planted in his head#that is absolutely the lie that Viktor believes that he MUST discard in order to progress as a character and I am excited for it#I genuinely think that Viktor will be happier and more eccentric as [REDACTED] but it won't last#he will hit a VERY LITERAL -if thy right hand offend thee cut it off- situation and then he'll have peace but he won't call it happiness#I can't say that I'd hate anyone who hurt him because that is half of why I'm excited for s2#but I will probably lose it at any scene where he loses to [REDACTED] for rivalry reasons#I genuinely do want to see Mel completely own his ass as [REDACTED] though like can you imagine the banter#and both of them secretly having fun with it
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not to reblog that one jo post but i am special hihi
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wolpatinga · 1 month
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#*beep* oh. hey. guess you're sleeping? maybe you're at work. or out with friends. i hope wherever you are it's good#or that it's getting better. i really do#i'm not good. but you knew that already. otherwise why would i be leaving this message?#sorry. i just need to talk for a bit i guess#cause it's like. every day i write a hundred posts and every day i delete most if not all of them#and i could not tell you why#this is my blog after all. my words and thoughts go here#but also. this is my third place. and i can't lose that#isn't that crazy? i can't lose the handful of notes from reblogging other people's posts#the idea that somehow i'm constructing myself in the cut and paste instead of doing something myself#and i do try to make posts of my own. but nothing's ever worth posting. i don't even let it rot in the drafts. it's just gone#and i try to think about what would stop me from doing this#which inevitably brought me here - what would i be doing if it were fifty years ago#and i think the answer is i'd be calling someone who used to care and blowing up their answering machine#and i think about old answering machines. the ones that need a tape to record the message#does dora just re-record over the tapes that harry fills?#does she trash them? i'm guessing she doesn't listen to them#i won't tell you what to do with this message. i'll spare you a call to action#it's not like a diary would fix this. i have a diary. i've been keeping one regularly for months now#i think i want to be perceived but i refuse to speak unless spoken to and i will not reach out on here unless i'm being a kindly anon#and when i talk irl it's all broken disjointed subjects without predicates#it takes such effort for me to talk that people stop asking me out of kindness. but there's still thoughts i haven't said#thoughts that don't need to be said. we don't *need* another person rambling on about whatever random fandom topic or half-assed scribbles#i tried making serious art and meta posts for like four years across different fandoms#it's all gone now. as is most of my poetry. lotta things i don't know or care to know#and i can't bring myself to do that again. esp if that's not why you're here. so like. it's easier just to remain quiet?#because. i know people *can* understand. but it takes effort#and i can't guarantee a return on investment. i don't know if the cost of teaching me how to talk again is worth it#god i want to infodump but that was beaten out of me. the need is still there but i can't. it hurts#idk. things are good and then things are bad and on the whole they're good and getting better
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steviescrystals · 2 months
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i’m fr gonna lose my mind :)
#been a minute since i’ve ranted in the tags on here hi hello#so i have this friend who is driving me absolutely insane#we’ve been friends for about a year or so and when we first met we clicked right away and got super close and hung out all the time#we met at work but neither of us works there anymore and it feels like our whole friendship is falling apart now that we don’t#i literally have not seen her in person once since the last time we worked together (march)#and even before that we didn’t hang out outside of work since december of last year#and i have grown very used to having friends that just do not put the same amount of effort as me into our friendships and it’s sucks#so i was starting to make my peace with the fact that we just weren’t really friends anymore#but then a few months ago she started texting me asking me to hang out all the time and she seemed way more like her old self#and immediately i got sucked back in and was all excited to see her again and have her back in my life fully#but she completely flaked on me three times in a row (not even cancelling our plans but waiting until the next day to give me an excuse)#which like i said i’m unfortunately used to but she literally was the one who invited ME to hang out every time#like why are you initiating plans with me and then ignoring my calls and texts when it comes time to actually hang out#then a few weeks ago she texted me again saying we should go to a concert together bc we hadn’t in a long time#and there happens to be a concert i’ve been wanting to go to on the 31st but had no one to go with#she said she was totally in and really excited and i bought the tickets a couple days later and texted her to tell her i had#got zero response for almost a week and then she texted me yesterday saying we should hang out this week#so i said yeah let’s do it but also this concert is literally in 2 days are you still coming with me#and no response! again! so now i have 2 days to try and find someone else who can go last minute bc it seems unlikely that she will#and i’m just so fucking confused bc why do YOU keep reaching out to ME just to flake out at the last minute every single time#like at this point it feels like she’s doing it on purpose just to see if i’ll keep tolerating her bullshit#and part of me wants to just cut her off bc she’s been a terrible friend to me for months at this point#but i can’t bring myself to do it bc i miss her so much anyway and when our friendship was good it was really fucking good#like i considered this girl one of my best friends and now it feels like she’s just playing games with me bc she’s bored#which sucks extra bc last year she was there for me when literally none of my long time friends were#like it’s bad enough that it seems like our friendship was conditional on us being coworkers#but it hurts more and more every time she reappears in my life just to ghost me again like genuinely why would you do that#so i’m really upset and pissed off rn and i have no idea wtf to do about the concert bc idk anyone else who likes the artist enough to go#vent#lj.txt
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autisticlee · 1 year
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it always pisses me off when people start ghosting me and completely cut me off and think i'm annoying because I didn't ~get the hint~ all because they're too much of a coward to be straightforward and honest with me!!!!
i'll keep asking about a thing or when we are hanging out or try to converse with them, because their response is always excuses and not straight up "no" so how am I supposed to know?! either short responses of 1-5 words that I can't really respond to or things like "I'm busy this weekend/I'm too tired today/I forgot about it/we can try next time/I'll get back to you and le you know" are apparently all hints and lies to hide the truth. what they really mean when they tell me this is "no, stop asking. stop talking to me. I do not want to hang out with you or talk to you anymore"
why can't you just say that?! it will save you the annoyance of me asking you 20 times because i took your words at face value. your excuses sound temporary and you didn't get back to me so maybe you forgot. there are rare times people say these things and it's the truth or they really did forget!!!! when I say it, it's the truth. I also have a bad memory. you can't just suddenly ghost me for that! it's on you if you aren't being honest with me. it's up to you to be straightforward and tell the truth so you don't waste both our time. (what's worse is this is usually one of the first things I tell people when we meet. that I need then to be straightforward and honest. they promise they will but that's also a lie)
ghosting is so cruel (when the other person has no bad intentions/isnt causing harm). more cruel than telling me to my face you hate me and never want to speak again! i actually prefer that, so i at least know and can give up on your useless ass and stop wasting my time. don't give me false hope when i'm really excited to be friends and hang out, don't waste my time and energy and efforts, and don't lead me on with lies only to crush my entire soul when I find the truth much later. just say it and get it over with!!!! it's your fault if I annoy you by "not taking the hint" because there was no hint, lying isn't a hint. spill the truth and don't blame me for it!!!!!!
this is why i've given up with people and now only give attention to the ones who contact me first every time continuously, and I put little effort into anything anymore. I know that will end up making some people give up on me by thinking i dont care. but I'm tired of wasting my time and energy on the people who put no effort into me. you must prove yourself and keep doing it or I won't try at all. the people who ghost me and hurt me are to blame. yes, I live a very lonely existence with maybe one friend I talk to once every week or two for a total of 5 minutes at most. yes I wish I had more connections or closer ones. but i'm SO FUCKING TIRED. i'm tired of trying so much and so hard just for people to shit on my efforts and disrespect my needs and boundaries!!!!!!
why should I keep trying when it always ends bad and adds yet another layer to my trauma.
#it happens every time!!!!!!!! i dont havw the spoons amd energy to keep giving these people every piece of me. theres nothing left!!!!!#people always tell me keep trying dont give up dont cut yourself off from everyone etc#but everyone cuts ME off so wtf am i supposed to do????? keep wasting energy and brain power just to let them keep doing it?!#its like if you spend a year carefully crafting a custom blanket for someone. putting in all your love and time and energy. give it to them#AND THEY SER IT ON FIRE AND WALK AWAY. NOT EVEN ACKNOWLEDGING HOW HARD YOU WORKED OR ANYTHING#that's what its like every time i try with people. it's a waste and i never get anything good out of it 😭#so why would it be wrong to protect myself by taking the part of the cold and unresponsive one for once? act like them instead?#no try or give someone much attention until they do like i always did and put in a ton of effort and keep it going?#if someone tries as hard as i always did then they must be good and worthy of keeping around and putting some effort into myself right?#ugh idk. i hate all of this and humans arent good at being good friends and im tired of trying to be one too#perhaps me not trying will make people think i dont care about them so they give up still anyway. well oh well#that means they didnt try gard enough and would have given up anyway. if i dont get attached or care much first then it hurts less#i know everyone tries to make me feel better by saying stuff like the right ones exist and my people are out there or whatever#but i will not believe it until i see it. because it's possible that is not true. it's possible i'll never have real/close friends#what then????? what do i do about that?? people love telling me i'll find the right people but no one steps up to try being that one#this all sounds doom and gloom but I'm just venting. in reality i just give it 3 tries.#if a person makes excuses or doesnt respond or doesnt carry the conversation 3 times on a row i will give up and it's their move.#if they dont come forward at all then we are done and i will never reach out to or speak to them again. if they want me they can prove it#lee rambles#autistic#autism#actually autistic#autism things#autistic friendship#friendship problems#loneliness#communication#cptsd#rsd#the fun thing about the cptsd and rsd combo is when people do these things i get hit with a wave if every past experience and relive it 🙃
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thotsfortherapy · 2 years
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hmmmm... ran into my ex today
#cy says stuff#personal#it's been three years but i had such a strong feeling that i would see him and i did#he definitely saw me first and when we made eye contact i think he like confirmed that it was me#and he looked... scared#which is like. dude it's been three years i have made peace with it#and then he literally just ran out of the building without ordering food or anything#and I'm like damn i wanted to talk to you!#i wanna know how he is!#but tbh by the looks of it he seemed unwell! which is sad because i really wanted him to be okay..#i just feel so much older now and seeing him again really made me realize how i just want him to not be sad anymore#And i felt that when we were dating and after we broke up#and to see that he's still sad is like :((( idk it kind of breaks my heart a little bit#i know he's still beating himself up about everything and I'm like bro i forgave you years ago i promise you it's okay#idk. i wish him well. i hope he turns out okay. i hope he figures out how to love himself and the life he's been given#and I'm happy i cut off contact when i did because i know it would've broken my heart to see him stay like this for so long#and i wonder why his reaction was to be afraid#because i was stern after we broke up but i was never out here threatening ppl or actively trying to hurt them#like the worst thing i did was ask him why he thought it was appropriate to keep randomly texting me to compliment my appearance after we'd#been broken up for months#and I'm like what life experiences are you having that make you afraid.. what have you come to expect???#idk i feel like he's just so guilty about everything he's ever done and he's made himself out to be this monster that deserves that respons#but he really isn't like he was just a kid and he just keeps fucking himself over cause he never learned how to be healthy or get help#idk im kind of grieving for him rn! like I'm sorry your life turned out like that!#i can't make it better for him but im definitely not going to make it worse#and if we ever talk i will tell him i forgive him and that he should forgive himself too#for that at least lmao#no idea what he's been up to in these past few years#but he clearly wasn't ready to talk today so#maybe some other time some other place some other world
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Me at the slightest possibility that someone is feeling even slightly negatively towards me (no evidence needed from their side).
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quietblissxx · 2 years
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🙃
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geometricalien · 2 years
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him, already with a girlfriend that he wants to marry: I wanted to kiss you when I saw you. I wanted to kiss you on the bridge as well.
me, externally: i- eh- what-
me, internally: soooo many red flags how can he just admit this??
#personal#when did my life become a fucking k-drama?#not that anything will happen. i firmly closed that door.#sir you can be as romantic and funny and sweet as possible but that does not excuse that red flag right there#its not romantic or sweet. its frankly disturbing and horrifying. if i knew my partner- who ive talked about marriage with- was torn like#this? over someone they have not seen in years- i would be deeply hurt#just- why man are you so messy?#why are you so presumptuous? where does this audacity come from? 'i know my feelings for you and i know your feelings for me'#HOWWWW I DONT EVEN KNOW MY OWN FEELINGS#i reject all feelings that i cannot rationalize and sort out- i- where does he get this audacity#fucking Shakespeare ass motherfucker.#BUT IM THE ONE WHO SAID 'IF OUR STARS CROSS AGAIN' I CANT BE HELD ACCOUNTABLE FOR THAT- IVE BEEN IN GENSHIN BRAIN ROT FOR THE LAST 24 HOURS#AND BEYOND THAT SAPPY AKA/FURI FLUFF SOUP#excuse me if i say something poetic and poignant. stupid red flag 'isms just tear society apart' GAHHH#i still want to be friends but i SWEAR if he says some flirty earnst comment or- looks at me like im some fucking miracle like he has been#the last times we were face to face- i dont know what to do. i cant encourage that behavior. and no physical punishments either. thats just#flirting on my part. ill just- raise my eyebrows like a disapointed teacher or some shit i guess fuck#pls dont percieve#unless you have advice. tell me to ignore him. block him. cut him off. because... if you saw the way he looks at me... apollo doesnt need#to throw his red ball to manifest me messing their relationship. i refuse to do it.
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nickywhoisi · 2 years
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Why do people stay longer in my head than they do in my whole life?
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sparxemberflame · 3 months
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Even now... I wish that you would Please talk to me. Tell me how you're feeling and what you want and what I can do to help.
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