#rejection sensitivity disorder

[femboi-rayne]

What even is the terminology for when you're experiencing RSD? RSD attack? RSD episode? Rejection dysphoria? There aren't any resources on this that I could find because RSD isn't even considered its own thing, just something that happens sometimes with ADHD or anxiety disorders.

It's choose your own adventure every time I want to say I'm having a bad time.

[dc-and-damirae]

having one of those autism days where I just reevaluate my entire life and realize that nearly every genuine compliment I have ever received is just a symptom of my RSD or ASD and everything else was just that my hair looked cute or that one time I wore a fucking pirate hat to school. OH WATE!! a pirate hat is the most autistic hat and I only change my hair after an existential crisis. well, I guess this time I will go with purple. GREAT now I am on my period FUCK EVERYONE I am going to get some chocolate.

[friend-through-teenage-nights]

Me at the slightest possibility that someone is feeling even slightly negatively towards me (no evidence needed from their side).

[theplantbish]

Rejection sensitivity fucking sucks, it's making me think that all my friends hate me, I want to talk about it to them but I can't because what if they DO hate me and I just.....

[sincerelyquestionableatbest]

I know it's not personal. . . but boy is it starting to feel that way. I tell myself over and over it's not you, you tried your best, and it was probably a hard choice. Just once though I'd like it to be me. just once. I know scholarships are competitive and you can't win them all, but sometimes I wonder if my application even gets looked at. I wonder if the essay that I put way too much effort into even got a once over, much less a second glance. I tell myself it's not personal. It doesn't say anything about my value as a person and yet I can't help but go down the rabbit hole. Cause what if it is me, what if I am the issue. And if I am the problem then what about me is so bad. But it's not personal, right? I know they say that if you say it enough you'll believe it. So I keep telling myself, hoping it will sink in and the feeling in my gut and wave of depression that comes every time I get another rejection email will cease. And the desire to curl up into a ball and fade away won't return. It's hard when every rejection erodes a little more hope of achieving your dream and you don't know how much longer you can hold on. But it's not personal, right, so what's the big deal anyway.

[lesliepoet]

Disappointment

Once an avid gamer, my recent experience with a modern version of a beloved 80s game leads to a profound disappointment. This triggers a reflection on recurring feelings of disillusionment, not just with games, but with the world at large.

Unlike my younger self I don’t spend hours playing games. Way back in the 80s I was glued to Elite on my  ZX Spectrum. Simple vector graphics and what I remember as being engaging gameplay were all I needed to spend hours fighting and trading. Mostly for the sake of it with a side order of secret missions, which may or may not have existed. Yesterday I finally caved in, due to the massive…

[cutepastelstarsalior]

This + having rejection sensitivity disorder =

Omgomgomgomg does my friends/murals still like me???? Wait, they reblog or like my stuff??? Yay!! But wait, what about you’re other mutual??? What if they block you?? Or unfollow you??? Should you unfollow them back???? What’s it’s tumblr glitching?? What if..

[neurodivergent-brain]

Society: be yourself!

Me as a child: *be’s myself*

Society: ewww omg what is wrong with you! We said to be yourself not weird! We’re gonna reject you and make you an outsider!

Me: but I followed your rule of being myself? Why don’t you like me? What’s wrong with me? Why does everyone else get the rules that need to be followed but I don’t?

[clown-around-and-find-out]

is this a safe space for me to admit that i absolutely hate the term "neurospicy." is it just me or do other neurodivergents agree

[toomuchdivergentformyneuro]

some things i didn’t realize were my ADHD until fairly recently:

(i’m probably combined type btw)

constantly starting new projects and wanting to do loads of things all at once, and then having loads of unfinished ones all over the place because i get tired of them before i can finish them and have another idea that i want to pursue

binge-reading books or whole book series within a few hours/days and not being able to think or do anything else other than that

being suddenly possessed with the urge to clean my entire room every once a month to a few months and not being able to do anything else other than that in that time when i have that urge, and getting incredibly angry and/or anxious when interrupted

being absolutely depressed, anxious, and having SI and/or SH urges/thoughts just because i’m bored, and nothing being able to solve that boredom no matter what i try to do

feeling rejected/unloved/unwanted in a ton of situations because of the way someone worded something

not being able to follow conversations because i keep getting distracted by my trains of thought, and because i can barely understand the person i’m talking to since i can’t hear what they’re saying

forgetting something i was thinking about/told/etc. as soon as i step into a new room/environment

forgetting literally everything, and learning to make lists, checking everything so many times, and thinking again and again about something to make sure that doesn’t happen

always fidgeting in some way, even when not anxious, and needing some sort of stimuli on in the background

my brain racing 90% of the time (the other 10% is when i’m extremely exhausted and my brain is shutting off/has shut off), even when i’m not anxious, and sometimes getting overwhelmed by that

forgetting something from a few seconds ago, and constantly needing to retrace my steps, whether physically or mentally

becoming really attached to someone new incredibly fast, and then feeling nothing (or not as much at least) for them once i’m adjusted to them

and many more things. i might do a part 2 another time, and just keep adding from there. but it’s incredibly astonishing to me that i only recently figured out these things and found answers for it all.

[icarusredwings]

Thinking about Wade's Adhd and rejection sensitivity. Getting upset about inconveniences he can't control even when not mentally small, just becoming irationally overly upset over things that don't really affect much.

How he's been talking about a certain sandwitch all day long. Since noon, throughout the entire mission, and now he's yapping about it again on the 6 block walk to said sandwitch joint ran by a small immigrant family.

He keeps talking about how great it is. Logan didn't have this place in his timeline, so Wade is ampled excited to show him. Logan jokes with him how he sounds more excited to eat this sub then he is to suck dick.

Wade, with the most serious face, goes, "I can get dick anytime. They're only open 4 days a week and only from 1 to 5."

Logan notes this in the back of his mind for the future.

Just as they get there, Wade is telling Logan that they used to be open 10-5 but their daughter went to college, so now they are on their own. How these people have been so kind to him and told him that they started this shop for their daughter specifically. To give her a good life, they've been working hard to send her to college since day one.

As they roll up to the door, Wade's face drops. All of the glee and joy from his body evaporates and immediately he's just staring at the sign.

"Sorry, we're closed. Come back -" and then a small plastic clock that shown when they opened again tomorrow at 1 pm.

They're too late.

"Oh... well, that sucks." Logan mutters, hands in his pockets as he watches Wade look so utterly disappointed that even he begins to feel bad for him.

He puts a hand on his shoulder. "We can always come again tomorrow."

"B-but I...i wanted.." He starts to tear up, quickly moving to wipe his eyes, sniffling and shaking his head. "It's fine... okay.. tomarrow." He whispers, not only feeling pathetic for being so upset over a sandwitch store being closed, but now they had to walk all the way back home.

"...are you okay?"

"Yeah.. it's fine.." But it's clearly not fine. He fully understands that they were late, and thats why they were closed. He's not angry at them. He's not angry at logan either. Not even himself, really. He must have miscalculated the time. A pure mistake.

But on the way home, it's very obvious that this is a big deal. He's quiet. Staring at the ground as he walks, biting his nails, wiping a tear once inawhile.

It makes Logan frown, uncomfortable with the silence, knowing his mind was no where near silent at the moment. He knew it was turmoil in there, a loud and pouting mess.

"....do you want to get something else?"

"...no..." He whispers.

Logan observes his body language, watching how his eyes kept flickering and filling with a tear every now and again. How distant he becomes and almost... hugs himself... at one point. He knows that this is a much different response from when small him throws a tantrum or sulks. He looks as if he genuienly didn't want to be upset but just... is. As if he couldn't stop his overwhelming emotions from flooding his mind.

He takes his hand. "...is it because you wanted to show me?"

"No.. I mean.. kinda? But I just... I really wanted it."

"We can get it tomarrow?"

"I know. I can't... its hard to explain."

Logan gives his hand a squeeze, talking quietly.

"... is it a safe food?"

Wade nods, wiping another tear on his sleeve. It was one of the few things he could eat without puking. But that still wasn't why he was upset.

"Do you want me to make you a sub?"

He shakes his head. "It won't be the same."

"Im sure I can make it the sa-"

"No.. I mean... yes?? Im sorry, Peanut. It's... It's an experience thing.. I've had it in my head all day to go and get a sub from them. And now I can't check it off until tomorrow."

Oooh.. that makes sense. He had a checklist in his head. Something he needed to finish before he could go to bed. And now that this wasn't finished? He would have a hard time moving forward.

When they arrive home, Wade goes to hide in the corner of their bedroom, quiet and trying to think of something else he could do to distract his mean brain from yelling at him.

'What are you doing? You were supposed to go to the shop! Stop being lazy and just go! Come on! We've been waiting all day for this! ... Logan said he would eat a sub with us...But we were so good today...' They said.

"I know.." he muttered, putting on his headphones, hoping to drown them out.

It doesn't work. Now hes just laying in bed, rotting and staring at the ceiling while tears travel down the sides of his face. He's breathing a bit shakily.

'Why are we crying? Its just a sandwitch. It has nothing to do with the sandwich dipshit!! Are we bad..? Did we misbehave? Is that why Logan dosn't want to eat with us? Hey! Hello?? Were kind of starving here. Haven't even had anything today since breakfast. Im not hungry anymore. You're really pathetic you know that? Almost 50 years old crying over a fucking sandwitch.'

They were so loud that even with the volume up so high, he didn't hear Logan come in.

"Wade?" He waves a hand in front of him, watching as he jumps, looking up with such puffy red eyes.

"W-what?"

He puts down a plate. It's a sub.

Looking at it, he glances between him and the food multiple times, watching as Logan takes it, taking a bite and sitting next to him.

He doesn't say a word.

Now, Wade is crying for a different reason, his eyes softening as he smiles, gently leaning into him. "... Can I have a bite?"

"Of my dick or my sub?" He asks, glancing to him with a teasing look painted on his raised brow.

Wade giggles, nuzzling into his shoulder as he takes a big breath, sighing. Glancing at the door, he mutters. "Do you see this shit? And you all call me the nasty one."

Logan only smirks, a bit too proudly. "Says the guy who once-"

"Woah woah woah peanut! That's enough. This episode is rated pg. Sorry about that. God, such a potty mouth." He snickers, sitting up as Logan lets him take a bite from the end of the sub, Lady and the Tramp style.

[femboi-rayne]

Can RSD just die please?? Thanks??

[homoqueerjewhobbit]

ADHD + Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria means if you tell me I did something wrong I will either think about it every single day for the rest of my life or I didn't hear you at all because "every day we're out there making Ducktales wooo-ooo!"

[melonlthawne]

[bunnighost]

[nightbunnyusagi]

Autism and tactlessness

I don't know if this is part of the general autistic experience or is more specific to people who grew undiagnosed — I can only speak for myself — but something that really bothers me and makes social situations far more exhaustive than I think they could be, is policing everything I say.

I was diagnosed with ASD after adulthood, but I didn't need a paper to see, throughout my whole life, that I struggled and suffer the effects from it. And one thing is that I am aware, as my loved ones like to point out, that I am "tactless" a lot of the times, which can mean I don't realize when I'm being rude, annoying or inconvenient, specially when I can't understand why that'd be.

Because of that, I was often corrected while growing up. Things that I said that were plainly honest, spontaneous or curious were pointed out as bad, usually without a good explanation on why it was bad, just that it was. After that, I'd usually be punished in a way or another, being not getting an explanation, receiving silent treatment and being ignored, having people mad at me, shouting at me, blaming me for a myriad of things or accusing me of things, laughing at me. All that came off as a punishment for being and talking the way I was.

Years ahead, now that I am an adult, I realized I learned something. Instead of learning why saying certain things is bad, I learned to be scared of what I say. I feel tense and constantly try to analyze what I'm gonna say even when that is meaningless because I can't find what could be bad about it in my memories. If I get too relaxed and let the words slip away, I get anxious I might've offended someone. I'm constantly scared to be offensive and be punished again.

That also means I am always scared of being abandoned by the people I love, and my first assumption will always be that I did something offensive without realizing. I know I'm an overall grumpy person, but I tend to be scared of people when they're mad, I tend to get anxious that they'll never want to talk to me again and I'll be alone.

I am exhausted of fights that I don't understand why even happen. Of not understanding why people get mad at me. Of feeling rejected by people I trusted and loved. Of overanalyzing everything I say and still being scared of going through all that again.

Disclaimer: I am one autistic person, late diagnosed and mid-low support needs, talking about my experiences and opinions that I believe are related to autism. I do not speak for other autistic people, only for myself.