#who then gave me drugs
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so I take ritalin and I'm starting to think it's either not working or it's making things worse bc my doctor was too quick to dx ADHD and maybe my lack of focus, disorganization, difficulty starting tasks, etc are not in fact caused by ADHD. idk. I'm going to stop taking it for a few days and see how things go.
#there wasnt really any formal dx it was just like a self assessment he had me take to my psychiatrist#who then gave me drugs
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i don’t even fucking care
#house md#house spoilers#hilson#the fact that house is consistently selfish. that he’s an addict. he’s always in pain#but he gave up his vicodin for wilson. mind you the pain in his thigh must have been excruciating#bc consistently whenever he’s extremely stressed or worried the pain gets worse#but wilson is still his priority. he put wilson above the burning pain god man😭#him giving up his freedom HIS LIFE for someone who has less than half a year to live like oh my god#the love house has for wilson actually makes me sick bc even outside of the cancer arc house has done things for wilsons sake#like almost killing himself just to help him and amber. drugging him at that one conference from s6#he’s an asshole often times but he truly is the only constant in his life. they both are for each other#i actually feel sick. im not on everybody dies yet (im on the c word rn) but god idk how im gonna get thru this😭#5x13 big baby#8x19 the c word#1x01 everybody lies#8x22 everybody dies#7x15 bombshells#8x21 holding on#where the quotes are from btw#sorry for the essay in tags
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*Collective brain rotting over symbiotic Nightmare*
Mothiepixie gave me the idea and I had to give Lex her own outfit if she and her nightmare had a symbiotic relationship. Not only did I do that, but an encounter with Motti during their AU hopping.
Makes me feel like a spider-verse moment lmfao. Guess I should write some cool lore for Lex and her symbiotic relationship with her Nightmare and how that happened and how she came.
This is all that's gonna be keeping me busy now, thank you lmfao
#caycantdoodle#my art#symbiotic nightmare#nightmare sans#motti x nightmare#lex x nightmare#symbiotic nightmare au#mothie drug me into brain rot hell with them#im not complaining tho teehee#this gave me even more a reason to do it now#both nightmares are competitive for who's stronger#Motti and Lex are just complimenting each other's outfits#they aren't even paying attention to fighting
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day 16
so instead of a drawing todays art is Babys First Embroidery
it will eventually be a patch for my Cool Patch Jacket once i get the border all filled in
it is in reference to the fact that i recently found out my state has a program that provides free naloxone to anybody who wants to carry it, no prescription necessary.
if you aren’t familiar, naloxone (brand name Narcan) is a medication that can be used to reverse an opioid overdose almost instantaneously in an emergency. in my state it is provided in the form of a nasal spray, but similar programs in other areas might offer auto-injectors, or other subcutaneous delivery methods.
BUT what i want to get across is that there are A LOT of these programs out there! if you’re curious, just google “free naloxone [your location]” and you might be able to get your hands on free or extremely reduced cost doses of naloxone to carry with you. most programs will train you how to administer the medication, and how to recognize signs of overdose.
harm reduction for drug users is important to me, regardless of who is using them, or for what purpose. and you can be part of that effort in your community SO easily by adding this to your first aid repertoire. it’s a bit like getting cpr certified! only literally so fast and cheap and easy like in my case i was in and out of the pharmacy in 15 minutes!!! you can literally save somebodys life with this, it is so so worth it.
#day 16#year 4#embroidery#harm reduction#cw drug use#cw drug overdose#i feel like a crazy person ever since i found out abt this fucking program#i have just been shouting at every person i see like HEY DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN GET FREE NARCAN#LIKE TRULY JUST FREE I WENT TO THE PHARMACY AND CAME OUT 15 MINUTES LATER WITH THE STUFF#NO PRESCRIPTION NO APPOINTMENT THEY JUST GAVE IT TO ME#there are like 7 pharmacies doing this in MY CITY ALONE like!!!!#anyway. you can literally keep a person from dying and it was so simple and so fast#its just so exciting that a program like that exists in my conservative ass state#like needle exchange programs are technically illegal here. but we have this#ANYWAY. the embroidery is busted as hell but its punk rock so who gives a shit
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lemme tattoo u with some dumb lil cute design then u n then tell everyone its ur kids drawing
#u could say let my kid practice but that may raise more concern idk tbh i dont know if ur supposed 2 let a kid tattoo or not?#told them they should do this with one i rly fucked up pretty bad once ngl lmaoo n they didnt respond which 😡 im serious#look me tattooing u is a 50/50#ive done some rly good ones on me n others n ive done some questionable ones but look if u let me tattoo u i think u know ur taking that#risk ngl lol bc every time im not confident im like uhhh i can try lol n if someone says that whos about 2 tattoo u thats on u okay#bc god did i fuck up one on angel lol but another friend i gave a gr8 one n my brother got a gr8 one too n one person was my test canvas 4#a bit so uh half n half tbh n one person fucked up their own bc i said dont get in the ocean till its healed thats not on me then ngl n i#think thats everyone ive tattooed but lol the alarming part is i actually have no idea which uhhhhh i have lots of gaps in my memory due 2#drug abuse n just not bein real 4 months at a time lol#batbaby rambles
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giving off a wholesome, approachable energy this week that has attracted both tourists and missionaries alike
#the tourists know I can help them find shoppers drug mart and mcdonalds#and the missionaries know I’m polite enough to accept the little Jesus business card they gave me#it’s something about this week#I keep getting stopped by strangers who need help or want to give me pamphlets
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Everyone talks about how fucked up it was that people told kids, especially girls, that if someone picks on you it means they like you. And that is fucked up and should be talked about, but you know what else is fucked up?
Telling bullying victims to have sympathy for their bully because “they’re probably hurting too” (also that the best way to stop bullying is to ignore it, but that’s another post). That’s really harmful and just teaches kids to ignore mistreatment and abuse because the perpetrator has had a hard time too.
#like no#fuck them#idgaf#their trauma is not my problem#their bad home life is not my problem#they don’t get to abuse others because they have a bad life#I’m traumatized too#you don’t see me making other people want to end their own lives#bullying#anti bullying#my childhood bully came from a single parent home and her mother was a drug addict#you think I gave a shit when I found this out?#hell no#yeah I felt kinda bad for her#that sucks#doesn’t give you an excuse to treat me like shit though#that’s not my problem#another bully had an abusive father who humiliated him in public#I watched his father embarrass him at a school concert#and you know what I thought to myself?#‘damn that sucks. I feel kinda bad for him. still a dick though’#not ‘oh that’s why he’s body shamed me and called me slurs every day since third grade. that’s why he told that girl to khs. I forgive him’
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if scars don't make man look good then being alive sure does
#mafia 2#henry tomasino#frank vinci#there's going to be a lot of text in hashtags here so first of all:#i gave up at things like “they wouldn't do/say that” at this point#ooc and “what if” are more interestning and entertaining for me sorry mafia fandom#i like to spin the plot and characters like a rubik's cube#so stopping w rat!henry and continue with survived!henry who's true purpose was to became the head of falcone family#so the drug thing was just a way to frame falcone and get vinci to the point where he decided to do away with falcone#because of the increased drug traffic#henry always struck me as the most conservative of the (relatively) young mobsters#so i guess he wouldn't have gone on about the drugs and gotten vinci's sympathy because of it#yet henry didn't expect an attack from the triads and the fact that he survived only reinforced his religiosity#now he wears a rosary and prays more often than he used to#<- i'm actually too lazy to think about the details of how it might work so whatever#and I know the mafia chief's photo wasn't on the wall#but it's more symbolism about the change of power and prioritizing religiosity over personality#i just think he could be a good leader + there's a lot about his pride here#and tbh i just wanted to see him with the scars but my brain can't do anything without a plot#and sunglasses instead of an eye patch#and yeah my brain refuses to believe that he was just overconfident and really believed that there would be no repercussions ->#for selling drugs under the nose of falcone who clearly wanted to become a monopoly in this field#also i don't really care that much about henry surviving tbh#i mean his death fits the story well because it's after all a mob story (no matter was he a rat or not)#(i'm being a bit of a hypocrite here bc i refuse to believe that joe is dead)#“survive and take power” version is just interestning for me#but if i put aside all of this ooc#naah he was too pathetic to do this fr#k im too lazy to write anything further#thank you for coming to my ted talk
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I was diagnosed with DID three times. The first time when I was 17 - and my therapist suspected I have it before I even knew what DID was so I couldn't have faked it for attention. But I fear she "over diagnosed" the disorder with her patients idk.
The second time I was diagnosed at a clinic by a whole treatment team plus they interviewed my mother and sister for a third party anamnesis.
The third time I was diagnosed at the rehab clinic by using the SKID-D and I was very careful not to exaggerate my symptoms. At the end the therapist asked me how severe I thought my symptoms were. In pretty much all points I said moderate. She said she viewed them as severe and the test also came out with severe.
Yet I still doubt I have it because my current therapist hasn't diagnosed me with it. I know that I use different names and am forgetful, but I think my forgetfullness is normal and I don't have an explanation for the different names tbh. Maybe I'm just weird.
Anyway. Last session my therapist and I talked about how I was diagnosed with BPD at the age of 15 - and he agrees with me that it clearly was a misdiagnosis. I literally don't have any of the BPD symptoms. My relationships are stable. My ex had BPD though and we talked about how it affected the relationship. How he put me on a pedestal and idealized me which led to him never seeing the real me.
#personal posts#dissociative identity disorder#or not#who knows#I could live with OSDD#also#my weed dealer moved in today#I'm doing my best to be kind and make him feel welcomed because the whole situation with him being kicked out of his home mist suck a lot#I'll go grocery shopping with him this afternoon to show him where the stores are and gave him a banana because he didn't have any food#in the evening we want to do a barbecue#he did offer me weed but i declined#can't take any drugs when my surgery is next week#now we are eight people in this living group man
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Tulips by Sylvia Plath
#tulips#poetry#Sylvia Plath#psych ward#medical#hospital#mental hospital#upload#I have a nagging feeling the needle was full of Thorazine#that’s what they do at some mental hospitals. just put you on meds that make you sleep so they don’t have to deal with doing their jobs#I’ve seen people who are literal zombies because the doctors gave them an antipsychotic dosage that was WAY too high#like there were people that would sleep all day because they genuinely couldn’t get up after injections being forced upon them#and sometimes they were literal children#it’s kind of extremely evil#you’re not fixing the problem you’re just drugging someone to a point they cannot function#and that’s disgusting to me
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I’ve been eating almost nothing but fun dip all day. This stuff is like cocaine.
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why you should vote for my boy yoh in the protagonist poll
(the cool one on @protagonistpolling)
he is named weed basically (yoh means "leaf" and he wears explicitly weed-based shirts all the time)
yes that is canonically a weed shirt I saw a reddit argument about it two years ago and also in the manga it says hemp
goodest boy to ever boy
like so good he rewired my moral philosophies good
one of his abilities is a comically large sword
ain't that just the most coolest thing ever
he has a dark reflection catboy twin
he forfeited his dreams in a tournament twice and deserves to have a win
if he won round one and fought jim trollhunters round two that would be both my boys in the same room and I'd be very very happy
he got two entire tv adaptations he was so cool
sounds like sonic in the 4kids dub you guys
can see and talk to ghosts
also kind of a dumb baby who threw a ghost once
anyways please vote yoh in round one of protagonist poll so he can get ratioed by jim trollhunters (who you should also vote for) round two and I get a sick nasty crossover event
also shaman king is very cool and you should watch it but also it's so so stupid look at him he's named WEED. VOTE FOR THE WEED.
#my son (asakura yoh) is off to war (protagonist poll) and I fear he won't return victorious (won't fight jim trollhunters round two)#my brain didn't let me sleep until I made this#shaman king#asakura yoh#my boy my boy#vote for my boy#trying desperately to convince everybody I know to get me my epic crossover#come on rare person who followed me for monkeys look a Guy#I raised him so well (gave him the 1 nomination he needed to be in the poll)#also hi protagonist poll mod person it's me the guy#sorry you had to find out about takei naming all his dudes after drugs from my tags lol#it be like that
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I think “Art Is for Amateurs” by Jam Mechanics, featuring Bug Hunter and the Narcissist Cookbook, might be replacing “Ghost Stories” by the Narcissist Cookbook as my favorite song and I Don’t Know How To Feel Ab That
#like ghost stories takes me away to that Place yk#other plane of existence#something something sense of self#something something we are all ghost stories at the end of the day and maybe we should just aim to stay that way#BUT ART IS FOR AMATEURS IS SUCH A BANGER#IT GOES SO HARD#WHO GAVE YOU THE RIGHT#i’ve been listening to it on repeat#wdym ‘doweries or endowments or for the decorative towels’#wdymmmm ‘so spare a thought for the middle-man who couldn’t make anything (but bank)’#the raw EMOTION of ‘the more space you just make for the BULLSHIT’#and ‘and I’m all in man this is all that I know how to do’#different emotions#both raw as /shit/#this song is the only thing on my mind always#it’s taking over my life#and putting a pen in my hand and pushing me to get back to work#bc goddammit#art is for amateurs#bug hunter#the narcissist cookbook#jam mechanics#ghost stories#this song slaps#both songs are amazing#ghost stories will forever be my first True Love#my gateway drug lmao#but new personal life anthem just dropped
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hmm
#i jus think its Funny how 🤨#y’all didn’t hate an ‘aesthetic’ until the coquette aesthetic came along#n a lot of y’all might be mad by this but i Never Gave A Fuck#once that aesthetic came along all of a sudden instead of it just letting girls be girls without bein afraid to be that way n instwad#always worried about not appearing like ‘other girls’ in order to appeal to men#the coquette aethetic is a return to womanhood if u will#its not infantalising or sexist or demoralisng#its just girls being girls#the way they wanna be#so what if i wanna wear pink bows in m’hair?#so what if i see bunnies bein’ sillie on the internet n think to m’seld#bcuz that izzz so me#if u get it u get it#if u don’t u don’t#lik .#when the earth girl aesthetic was going crazy y’all didn’t say nothing about it capitalising off of indigenous/afro indigenous cultures even#tho it did#when ‘90s model was back in#y’all didn’t assume every girl who dressed n acted in that way was doin’ hard drugs n starvin herself did u?#so why when i want to wear short skirts n pink n layers of lipgloss n i wanna smell like a faerie that suddenly means#m jus ‘trying to submit myself to men’ n ‘infantilising myself for p——s’ or not being a feminist#like no.#this was never abt men n it never will be#if a man happens to compliment me wearing this certain aesthetic thanks i guess but its not for him#never was#this was for me#this IS for me#the little girl who adored being called princess by her mummy n papi#who had a tiara collection that gathered dust and disuse as the years went on.#who felt the need to lie about her favourite colour being pink after a table of her classmates erupted in laughter at that revelation.
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Valentino telling baby Vax a bedtime story be smth like this :
youtube
#voxval#that one voxval fankid#vax#hazbin hotel#the vees#i swear vax gives me little ricky and desi arnaz jr vibes in spades#vox and vax's dynamic be kinda like that of ricky ricardo and lil ricky in spades#valentino is vax's mami and vox is vax's papa#yes valentino is the one who gave birth to vax#vox and val conceived vax in a room at a drug infested party of all place#6 months later val pushed the egg out of his hoo ha#3 more months later vax is hatched#Youtube
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Watching Tenshi Muyo while having the biggest fever rn while Red Robin ranting fnaf lore???
Is a trip
I don't even know if Red Robin was talking about fnaf lore since my ass was out of consciousness watching 90s anime which I could barely hear red robin was just talking
#gothamites#only in gotham#onlyingotham#₍⑅ᐢ..ᐢ₎#sanriogotham#dc red robin#Who needs drugs when you have illness and anime#I was watching the dub and could barely hear anything#or what what the bro said#Can't believe listening to red robin ran actually gave me asleep
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