#8x21 holding on
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i don’t even fucking care
#house md#house spoilers#hilson#the fact that house is consistently selfish. that he’s an addict. he’s always in pain#but he gave up his vicodin for wilson. mind you the pain in his thigh must have been excruciating#bc consistently whenever he’s extremely stressed or worried the pain gets worse#but wilson is still his priority. he put wilson above the burning pain god man😭#him giving up his freedom HIS LIFE for someone who has less than half a year to live like oh my god#the love house has for wilson actually makes me sick bc even outside of the cancer arc house has done things for wilsons sake#like almost killing himself just to help him and amber. drugging him at that one conference from s6#he’s an asshole often times but he truly is the only constant in his life. they both are for each other#i actually feel sick. im not on everybody dies yet (im on the c word rn) but god idk how im gonna get thru this😭#5x13 big baby#8x19 the c word#1x01 everybody lies#8x22 everybody dies#7x15 bombshells#8x21 holding on#where the quotes are from btw#sorry for the essay in tags
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top ten scenes that send the viewer into cardiac arrest
#i just threw my earbuds out and like fucking scrambled away from my computer literally what the fuck. what the fuck#if house doesnt tell him he loves him ill phase through the screen and commit murders#many many murders. house you fucking better#wilson#house#hilson#never in my life have i had that visceral a reaction to a show istg#house md#hatecrimes md#8x21 holding on#ok i made this post yesterday. but i had hit post limit. so i drafted it. and now. well. let me say i have endured horrors since then#i absolutely crawled through the screen to kill house btw
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5x4 'birthmarks' x 8x21 'holding on'
#the heart#house md#5x4 birthmarks#8x21 holding on#the one who wasn't boring at the convention with 3thousand people and the one best friend kept over 20 years
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2x02 "Autopsy" | 8x21 "Holding On"
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House M.D. | 8x21 Holding On
#houseedit#housemdedit#james wilson#thirteen#remy hadley#hilson#house md#house 8x21#tor gifs#watching this ep is what i imagine getting hit by a truck repeatedly would feel like
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Prodigal Children (Chase and Thirteen, House M.D.)
1x05 “Damned If You Do” // 3x15 “Half Wit” // 8x05 “The Confession” // Luke 15:32 // 8x21 “Holding On” // 7x18 “The Dig”
#house md#greg house#remy thirteen hadley#robert chase#something something chase and thirteen siblings something something#web weaving#3x15#7x18#8x05#8x21#100#an anya original#200#the prodigal daughter#1x05#my webs
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something about house in 4x03 telling wilson i love you right after dying and seeing no afterlife and so drugging and showing wilson what death is like in 8x21 to replicate that experience, but when wilson wakes up from his fake death he just tells house that he believes in heaven, instead of finding himself compelled by life’s love like house did. death made house value life, value wilson. but in that moment death doesn’t make wilson value house. house feels like he’s secondary to wilson’s heaven. like wilson thinks life might be better after death, after house. something about house not wanting to live if wilson hates him. something about him living for a man who’s now refusing to live for him. something about him throwing away his rationality for wilson. for his love of wilson. and then wilson throwing away his rationality for a belief in heaven. something that makes his death less awful for him, but not for house. it even acts against house’s desire to get wilson to truly value him. the first thing house does after nearly dying is tell wilson he loves him. he doesn’t want to hurt wilson in death. he needs wilson to know that he’s living for him. but wilson now doesn’t return that favour. wilson is centring the pain of his death around himself. he says don’t worry it’s fine i believe in heaven!! but house is standing there like what about me bitch!!! meanwhile house’s relationship with the afterlife is centred entirely around wilson. i’ll tell you i love you when i learn there isn’t anything after death (or after you), i’ll choose to live for you despite you hating me (i’d rather be dead than have you hate me), i’ll fake my death and turn you into the afterlife i’ve never until this moment believed in. whereas wilson just believes in this foreign, impersonal heaven. his own dying is about only him. house’s dying has always been about wilson. luckily!! holding on is about wilson realising and accepting just how much he loves and values and needs house. because house has always known. and, whilst he only fully realises the extent of it in everybody dies, house has never denied his love for wilson. but wilson has regularly tried to. he’s tried to reject it to instead prioritise himself. but holding on sees it all bubble over. foreman tells him that the only person he’s consistently loved is house, and that has to mean something. thirteen tells him that house is the only person he wants to spend the rest of his life with. he realises that he needs house to tell him that he loves him before he dies. and then he sees those fucking oreos in his cupboard and goes shit man. he needs me. and i don’t think that’s a bad thing anymore. i haven’t actually just been living for me, i’ve been living for house. if i can’t even look at a fucking oreo without thinking about him then surely. my life is entirely about him. and so wilson is prepared to do chemo for house. to suffer in life for house. but house tells him he doesn’t need to and instead joins wilson in killing himself so that they can live together in death. life has prevented them from being who they want to be. the only life they want to live is one completely devoted to the other. their afterlives aren’t heaven or hell, they’re each other. they turned their deaths into their love for each other. their deaths will exist forever as their eternal love. and like this is canon
#mum help she’s taking the old man medical drama too seriously again#why does the whole thing hinge on the fuckign oreos#i’m gonna turn you into my heaven but it took oreo symbolism for me to decide that#fuck this stupid baka show#house md#hilson#suicide mention#+
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The X-Files: Each Main Character's First and Last Line In The Series ✨
Entries with an asterisk signify the character’s last line was spoken posthumously.
DANA SCULLY
Pilot (1x01): “Agent Dana Scully.”
My Struggle IV (11x10): “It's more than impossible.”
FOX MULDER
Pilot (1x01): “Sorry, nobody down here but the FBI's most unwanted.”
My Struggle IV (11x10): “That’s impossible.”
WALTER SKINNER
Tooms (1x21): “Agent Scully, we have reviewed your reports and frankly we are quite displeased.”
My Struggle IV (11x10): “All right, hold on.”
THE CIGARETTE SMOKING MAN
Young at Heart (1x16): “Where are they?”
My Struggle IV (11x10): “Then you don’t know me very well.”
ALEX KRYCEK
Sleepless (2x04): “Agent Mulder?”
*The Truth (9x19/20): “They'll kill her.”
JOHN DOGGETT
Within (8x01): “Water? It could be a wait.”
The Truth (9x19/20): “Get in the car.”
MONICA REYES
This Is Not Happening (8x14): “Hi.”
My Struggle IV (11x10): “No!”
MELVIN FROHIKE
E.B.E. (1x17): “She’s hot.”
*The Truth (9x19/20): “All you're going to do is get yourself killed.”
JOHN BYERS
E.B.E. (1x17): “And, Mulder, listen to this.”
*The Truth (9x19/20): “You already know the truth.”
RICHARD LANGLY
E.B.E. (1x17): “So, check it out, Mulder, today I had breakfast with the guy who shot John F. Kennedy.”
*This (11x02): “Mulder...”
TEENA MULDER
Colony (2x16): “Hello?”
Sein und Zeit (7x10): “So much that I’ve left unsaid for reasons I hope one day you’ll understand.”
MAGGIE SCULLY
Beyond the Sea (1x13): “As if he’s an authority on having a good time.”
Home Again (10x04): “My son is named William too.”
WILLIAM SCULLY / JACKSON VANDEKAMP
Existence (8x21): “Wah, wah!”
My Struggle IV (11x10): “I don’t think you can do it.”
Video Compilation
#the x files#x files#first and last lines#mulder#scully#maggie scully#teena mulder#william scully#jackson vandekamp#lone gunmen#melvin frohike#richard langly#john byers#walter skinner#csm#smoking man#dana scully#fox mulder#john doggett#monica reyes
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Supernatural Battle of the Episodes!
Hey folks! Looks like The Great Escapist took down Taxi Driver in a landslide victory! As we near the end of Season 8, let's see how it holds up! Who's next on the roster Chuck?
Chuck: Well next up we have Clip Show- The boys learn that the last Trial is to cure a demon! They reanimate Abaddon to make her the Guinea Pig. Meanwhile, Crowley demands they stop the Trials and starts killing off people Sam and Dean have saved!
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Crowley Tour: 3rd-6th May 8x07: A Little Slice of Kevin 8x21: The Great Escapist 8x01: We Need to Talk About Kevin 8x02: What's Up, Tiger Mommy?
ID: Four digital drawings, each comprised of a rough sketch of Crowley from an episode of Supernatural alongside the episode title and a quote from the same episode. In the first drawing Crowley is holding up tablet with rough markings on it. The title reads "May 3rd: 8x07 A Little Slice of Kevin" and the quote reads "This hurts you more than it hurts me.". The second drawing shows Crowley standing and firing a gun. The title reads "May 4th: 8x21 The Great Escapist" and the quote reads "I'm the daringest devil you've ever met, love.". The third drawing shows Crowley from above. He is standing in a field surrounded by goats. The title reads "May 5th: 8x01 We Need to Talk About Kevin" and the quote reads "Chin up, gentlemen. I'm a professional.". The fourth and final drawing shows Linda Tran punching Crowley in the face. The back of Linda's head is visible, with Crowley reeling back in front of her. The title reads "May 6th: 8x02 What's Up, Tiger Mommy?" and the quote reads "Maybe you should try D, for dumbass.". End ID.
#crowley#spn crowley#the crowley tour#spn#supernatural#spn 8x07#spn 8x21#spn 8x01#spn 8x02#a little slice of kevin#the great escapist#we need to talk about kevin#what's up tiger mommy?#not super happy with these ones ngl#except for 8.01 that one was a lot of fun#also i am finishing this up at midnight after day 7 of 9 of work so like. maybe just feeling a bit pessimistic haha
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Renée’s Tag Guide
Last Updated: 17/02/2024
General tags:
#hey I’m renée - posts I have written myself
#headcanons - self explanatory
#my fics - my fanfics
Fandom tags:
#house md - House, M.D. (TV show)
Character tags:
#Allison Cameron
#Amber Volakis
#Chi Park
#Chris Taub
#Eric Foreman
#Gregory House
#Martha M Masters
#James Wilson
#Lawrence Kutner
#Lisa Cuddy
#Remy Thirteen Hadley
#Robert Chase
Ship tags:
#Camteen - Allison Cameron/Remy "Thirteen" Hadley
#Chameron - Robert Chase/Allison Cameron
#Foreteen - Eric Foreman/Remy "Thirteen Hadley
#Huddy - Gregory House/Lisa Cuddy
Season/Episode tags:
#house md season 2
#house md 2x07 - "Hunting"
#house md season 3
#house md 3x02 - "Cane and Able"
#house md 3x14 - "Insensitive"
#house md season 4
#house md 4x06 - "Whatever It Takes"
#house md 4x08 - "You Don't Want To Know"
#house md 4x12 - "Don't Ever Change"
#house md 4x13 - "No More Mr. Nice Guy"
#house md 4x15 - "House's Head"
#house md 4x16 - "Wilson's Heart"
#house md season 5
#house md 5x06 - "Joy"
#house md 5x08 - "Emancipation"
#house md 5x09 "Last Resort"
#house md 5x11 "Joy to the World"
#house md 5x20 "Simple Explanation"
#house md 5x24 "Both Sides Now"
#house md season 6
#house md 6x16 - "Lockdown"
#house md season 7
#house md 7x01 - "Now What?"
#house md 7x14 - "Recession Proof"
#house md 7x18 - "The Dig"
#house md 7x21 - "The Fix"
#house md season 8
#house md 8x05 - "The Confession"
#house md 8x21 - "Holding On"
Misc:
#house md promo
#my imaginary huddy fic
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find me the chase prodigal son screencap those are his kIDSSS
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4x16 'wilson's heart' x 8x21 'holding on'
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8x21 "Holding On" | 4x16 "Wilson's Heart"
#hilson#house md#james wilson#gregory house#amber volakis#parallels#*drops this and walks off to the ocean*#my edit
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"I also believe that Hell used the idea of Sam against Dean, and that that was instrumental in them ultimately breaking him. But that's another head canon entirely"
please head canon/ramble away?
I think that Alastair’s torture of Dean was much more psychological than Dean ever let on.
“They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you... Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... just so they could start in, all over.” - from Heaven and Hell (4x10)
While I’m sure there was a significant element of what seemed to Dean to be very real, very painful, very physical torture, I think that was actually the simplest part of what they did to him. The easiest part for him to wrap his head around, and so that was what he focused on afterwards.
We know that demons can appear as anyone in order to torment. When Sam rescued Bobby’s soul from Hell in Taxi Driver (8x19), Bobby tells him that the demons had been appearing to him as Sam and Dean over and over again. And Crowley had demons pretending to be Sam and Dean to mislead Kevin to keep him working on translating the tablet in The Great Escapist (8x21).
Because Sam is Dean’s weak spot, I am certain that Alastair would have had demons appear as Sam and then they would have tortured Sam in front of Dean. There are so many ways they could have played that too, just over and over and over. Sam being tortured and killed. But then I also think they would have mixed things up, because keeping your victim off kilter is one of the keys to breaking them. Anticipation is bad enough, but anticipation when you don’t know what will happen next is the worst. So they would have allowed tender moments, Sam rescuing Dean, or Dean rescuing Sam, only to have them get caught and hurt again.
And how long would it take for demons to push the closeness, start crossing lines that Dean had or hadn’t ever even thought of crossing. Reunion hugs started to linger a little longer, touches became more tender, more intimate… hands on hair became hands in hair, tugging and carding, hands finding skin underneath all those layers, pressing closer and harder. Foreheads touching would become cheeks touching, and then lips and…
All the while, Dean would have been growing more desperate, more despondent, losing his grip on reality and what he ever may have actually wanted. Until all he wanted was whatever he could get, taking anything good, no matter how tainted or how wrong he may have once thought it was.
This would be the real stripping away of him at the core of who he was, completely breaking him down so they could build him back into what they wanted as they began the process of turning him into a demon.
What Dean didn’t know though, was that it really wasn’t just his own soul at risk. Sure, he may have been The Righteous Man, but he also had/has cripplingly low self worth, so he never thought of himself as important beyond what he could do in service of his family. Dean never really thought his own soul was worth saving anyway, righteous or not, so he had little reason to resist Alastair’s proposition forever. If he had known that taking up the knife and becoming the torturer would ultimately damn Sam, well, I think he may have been able to hold out longer… although it was almost guaranteed that he would have broken eventually, Hell had forever to work on him after all.
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absolutely incredible meta op. and then add to this all of 8x21 "Holding On", when House doses Wilson with propofol to prove that the afterlife is "nothing", and then tries to force Wilson to continue chemo so he can live longer....
Inspired by the post by @oddlittlestories about Wilson touching House's sensitive points--specifically, the mention of the strongyloides patient and the afterlife. This is something I've been stewing on for awhile.
I don't think House's issue with the afterlife and the strongyloides patient was solely stemming from his own personal obsession or ongoing issues with suicidality related to his disability.
4x03, 97 Seconds, is only four episodes after 3x22 Resignation, in which House discovers Wilson has been taking antidepressants and it's implied Wilson has been struggling with his depression and simultaneously refuses to tell House anything about it, no matter how House pries. House makes his own inferences, that this is either a new thing or a change in prescription because of worsening depression, but Wilson deflects when he tries to ask. It's one of Wilson's sensitive points. We learn (and House explicitly observes later) that Wilson shuts down particularly painful topics, mostly relating to loss, and this is one that he shuts down hard and fast by accusing House of not caring about him.
House, true to character when it comes to all things Wilson, assumes the worst. We don't know what Wilson is actually going through, that's left to be guessed at by the audience, but we do know that House has been effectively shut out while continuing to be concerned.
And then, only a few episodes later, we get two different patients: a man who experienced cardiac arrest and replicates it in front of House for the thrill, and a physically disabled man who discusses being free of his mortal body. We see House and Wilson have exchanges about both of these patients. First, about the knife in the outlet patient:
House repeatedly tries to draw Wilson back to the topic of suicidality, why? how? what was the plan? and Wilson repeatedly avoids the topic until he gives up and leaves the scene sooner than have the conversation. My read: The implication is that Wilson at some point in the past (whether or not this is recent past or long past, we don't know) dealt intimately with suicidal ideation that makes him uncomfortable, either personally or with a family member (maybe his brother). House takes this as confirmation.
So then, this scene is followed up later in the episode, where Wilson and House together are with the disabled strongyloides patient, who is telling them he does not want cancer treatment. The patient says death will be a relief--in front of Wilson, House looks at him before he addresses the patient. It triggers a knee-jerk reaction, anger.
House recognizes he oversteps and leaves the patient, but the argument continues between him and Wilson in the hallway. It goes much deeper than trying to talk a terminally ill man into living a few months longer, because the argument isn't really about him; he's just a narrative vessel for this conversation between these two characters.
The most popular read for this exchange is that House is arguing for himself, that he thinks misery isn't a good enough reason to take his life and he is telling himself that death isn't a worthy escape (which is definitely a valid read of the scene). But given the recent context of Wilson's depression, his utter refusal to share anything with House and therefore the audience, his complete discomfort with the suggestion of suicidal ideation and all the big questions like why and how and what for... I don't think House's actions after this scene are for House.
We have this argument where Wilson is arguing in defense of a man who is passively suicidal. "You don't know death isn't better, you can't know, death could be better. There could be a solace after all of this, you don't know." If this conversation is framed in context of Wilson being depressed and having potentially been suicidal, he's not defending the patient--he's defending himself, for having had those thoughts. And House is arguing with him, against those thoughts. Wilson's conclusion is you can't go to the afterlife and see how much it sucks.
Of course House's conclusion is to go to the afterlife and see how much it sucks.
This is the song playing while House contemplates what he needs to do.
Starting over anew without a partner, not knowing how to make sense of things, becoming a new terrified person in lieu of someone who is supposed to be there--that's where his mind is. He goes to look at the electrical outlet patient, just staring in silence. What could be so good that it needs to be revisited? He must be wrong. (Note that at no point does House ever share with Wilson that the electrical outlet patient's claim that death was the best 97 seconds of his life--he asks Wilson why but never follows up with the answer.)
So House pages Amber and tries to try to kill himself, as convoluted as it sounds, so he can know the afterlife isn't good. So he can have proof. So he'll have evidence. He'll know it sucks, even worse than Detroit, they can't have this argument again.
House says it explicitly. "You insisted that I needed to see for myself." He had to know.
House wants to talk about what he experienced. He deliberately seeks out someone who will understand, asks for that person specifically, he wants to share. But with Wilson, he digs in his heels. Entrenched. We see that Wilson is generally the person House shares personal things with, such as the suspected identity of his biological father, he goes directly to Wilson after Dominika leaves in S8, he seeks him out throughout the Stacy arc in S2, pesters him while the fellows are fleeing in S3 even after the Tritter arc, his soft place to land during and after rehab in S6--Wilson is House's number one confidant.
Not on this subject. He refuses to say anything, except, "I love you." He doesn't respond to Wilson's criticism that he's already had near-death experiences before; he doesn't bite at any of the bait. Not talking about it. The person he wants to share with isn't there, so he doesn't share, not even with Wilson. The only thing we get as the audience is his dialogue to the corpse at the end of the episode.
This is also not something he shares with Wilson. Too much of a sensitive spot, too tender.
But all leading to my conclusion that... House didn't put the knife in the electrical socket for himself. As Wilson points out, House has had multiple near-death experiences. He doesn't need to almost die to find out what happens. He's already seen it. He already knows.
The character who has most recently displayed new depressive tendencies in this context isn't House. Wilson is the one refusing to discuss his mental health, ostensibly taking new psych drugs or minimally increasing the dosages, becoming uncomfortable with conversations about the difficult questions of suicide, and verbally defending a man's desire to die to end the mortal coil.
House didn't put the knife in the electrical socket to fight release for himself. He's been in chronic pain for a decade at this point, it hasn't changed, he has treated patients with self-destructive tendencies in the interim with no impact to his own mental health. This event didn't strike at a vulnerable time for House; it struck at a time when House knows Wilson is struggling, specifically when he has already tried to offer help and Wilson accused him of not caring. He had to do something.
House put the knife in the outlet to fight for Wilson. To have evidence, to talk him down. "See? I proved it. There's nothing. Now you know for sure. Now you have to stay with me."
That would be too saccharine. But he says, "I love you," and that's what he means.
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