#while drinking gatorade and making rice

[freddie-77-ao3]

travis: what if i made rice with gatorade instead of water so i get my electrolytes that way? cecil, the one actually trying to make dinner (chicken and rice), grabbing a gallon sized bottle of gatorade (where did he get it??) from travis: what if you didn’t.

[vxm1tcxre]

Pvrging harm reduction masterpost (from someone who’s had severe bul1m14 for 3 years, and who wishes they’d gotten this advice)

I get asked a lot and see posts asking for “tips” around pvrging.

I absolutely do not condone it. It’s a horrendously dangerous, unpleasant, and addictive behavior, and often a slippery slope to full-swing bul1m14 (and trust me, that is not something you want, for the sake of your wallet and sanity).

However, I do acknowledge that that doesn’t get in the way of the urge to do it. It certainly didn’t for me. That’s not how 3ds work. Being told how dangerous and horrible something is often is just more enticing. I know people are going to try it regardless. And frankly, I’d much rather focus on tips to stay safe over just telling you “don’t do it” like a Christian parent preaching abstinence. Harm reduction is king, especially on a platform like 3dblr.

So, here is a list of things to help you stay safe.

1. I feel like I should reiterate this again- if you at all can, don’t start. It’s not the c4ls-be-gone magic spell it might seem to be. Starting is what ended my r3str1ct1v3 phase. I thought it’d just be a last resort for when I ate too much. Fast forward to now, it’s been 3 years since my first time and I consume a good 6k+ c4ls every single day, have g4ined a ton of w3ight, feel like shit all the time, have no control around food, am constantly broke, have done things that would make people gag, and have all the risk with no reward. Ultimately, you will not l0se w3ight with pvrging. It gets harder and less effective the longer you do it. While the “you can only get rid of 50%” you often hear is a myth, being bul1m1c destroys your control, and eating maintenance in addition to whatever c4ls you didn’t manage to pvrge will inevitably lead to w3ight gain over time. It simply isn’t worth it.

2. DO NOT USE FOREIGN OBJECTS. It is legitimately so dangerous. Massive choking hazard and generally terrible for your throat. If you can’t get a response with your fingers, don’t do it. I promise, getting rid of some chicken nuggets is not worth getting a plastic fork lodged down your throat and almost dying. (Yes, I am speaking from experience)

3. Some people are simply incapable of inducing v0m1t1ng. It’s more common than is talked about and is completely normal. Frankly, if you have urges to pvrge and find that you can’t do it, consider it a sign.

4. Do not brush your teeth directly after. This is because the bristles of your toothbrush will rub the acid into your enamel, increasing the chances of decay.

5. Baking soda is magic. Swish about a teaspoon with some water in your mouth to neutralize the acid. Swallowing some (significantly less- about 1/4 to 1/2 tsp) is also an easy remedy for acid reflux. Get checked and have your teeth cleaned at the dentist’s regularly- if damage starts occurring, you can catch and mitigate it early.

6. Maintain good dental health as much as you can. Continue to brush and floss regularly. Keep in mind, however, that you can’t avoid tooth decay forever. It’s inevitable with long-term pvrging.

7. One of the biggest risks is electrolyte deficiencies. You often hear of people dying from cardiac arrest. This is because thr0wing up depletes your potassium, which helps with muscle contraction. Your heart is a muscle. If it’s unable to contract, it will fail. After pvrging, replenish your electrolytes. Coconut water, Gatorade, pedialyte, anything that contains the nutrients you just got rid of.

8. Also remember to stay normally hydrated. Even just drinking water is better than nothing. pvrging dehydrates you.

9. DO NOT FLUSH. It’s one of the most dangerous games you can play.

10. Try and eat something safe after the fact, especially if you’re having symptoms of low blood sugar (shaking, dizziness, sweating, a rapid heartbeat). This can be easier said than done but it’s crucial to getting back to normal. Something easy on your stomach with some c4rbs is ideal- toast, rice cakes, crackers, etc.

11. Avoid hot showers or baths or exercising directly after. You will lose more water through sweating. Wash your hands and face- especially around your chin and mouth, pvrge-induced acne is a real thing- and rest for a while.

12. Warm drinks or cold foods like popsicles or ice cream are very soothing on the throat. Throat coat tea and hot chocolate are quite nice. The former may be best if your stomach isn’t feeling well.

13. You will bloat like crazy whenever you eat if you pvrge long term. It’s hell on your digestive tract in general. It’s one of my biggest struggles and pet peeves. Honestly, you can only really wait for it to go away. Remember that it will with time, and do something to distract yourself from it. Some things that in my experience have made it less severe are to eat at a reasonable pace, chew your food thoroughly, and sip drinks rather than chugging them.

14. L4x4t1v3s absolutely aren’t worth it. You don’t really get rid of anything and it’s a fast track to dependency and being horrifically constipated whenever you don’t use them. Stay away. If you must, opt for natural remedies like teas, fiber-rich foods, chia seeds, etc.

15. If you take medication, wait several hours before pvrging. It obviously won’t work if you just get rid of it.

Feel free to reblog this with any advice of your own. I hope this helps some of you; stay safe out there.

[foodresearchlab]

Sports drinks as functional food

Introduction

Any drink consumed while engaging in sports or exercise, be it while preparing for, during or after exercise for recovery, is called a sports drink. The main objectives of a sports drink are to accelerate rehydration, to provide carbohydrates for use during exercise and to promote recovery. They also replace some electrolytes that may have been lost while engaging in physical activity. A sports beverage or drink usually contains water, a carbohydrate source and electrolytes. Other constituents of sports drinks include vitamins, minerals and choline, and they may or may not be carbonated. The salt and carbohydrate concentration of a sports drink is roughly similar to that of the human body. Sports drink was first formulated by a group of scientists led by Dr Robert Cade at the University of Florida in 1965. It was common for players to be hospitalised due to exhaustion and dehydration, and about twenty-five football players died due to heat-related illness; the first sports drink, Gatorade,  helped improve the performance of the football players. The commercial success of Gatorade gave rise to developments in sports nutrition and functions beyond fluid replacement, such as endurance and muscle growth.

Sports drinks in the present

The beverage industry is exploring alternative natural sweeteners with fewer calories. Stevia is one such example of a potent low-calorie sweetener that was granted Generally Recognised As Safe (GRAS) by the Food and Drug Administration. A primary reason for this shift is consumers’ increasing interest in natural ingredients in food products. Gatorade Endurance and Life AID is an example of a sports drink made entirely of natural flavours and colours. Another development is the combination of fruit juice and energy drinks, known as ‘hybrid’ drinks. An example of one such drink is Free Radical Scavengers (FRS) Healthy Energy. Sports drinks have also become sport-specific; for instance, the Golazo line of beverages is specific to soccer. They contain coconut water as an electrolyte source, while agave syrup provides carbohydrates. Innovations like ready-to-drink protein beverages have been developed for recovery post-exercise. The drinks are also fortified with B vitamins to offer nutrition, thereby increasing its nutritional value and rendering them functional drinks [1].

Future trends

The consumer base for sports beverages has broadened over the years due to increased health awareness. A rising number of fitness clubs have also opened the avenues for sports drink innovation and growth. However, one thing remains clear. Consumers demand transparency in the formulation. Any changes in the formulation, when labelled as ‘no added sugar’ and ‘GMO-free’, serve to increase or retain the consumer base. Additionally, some companies provide a complete ingredient breakdown for increased transparency, using attractive labels to assure consumers that the product they are purchasing is safe [2].

Alternative protein sources are explored and utilised for sports drink formulation, like brown rice and pea, since there are fluctuations in the price of whey, and consumers nowadays prefer plant-based protein. Another trend that could be noticed is that of hybridisation, which enhances the functionality of the drink. For example, supplements, phytochemicals and botanical extracts could be included in sports drinks. In addition, the drinks are also becoming more specific, like age, gender and occasion [1].

Conclusion

Sports drinks were developed with the intention of restoring fluids and electrolytes that have been lost during exercise and aiding recovery. This sector is becoming increasingly diversified to cater to different age groups, gender, and the type of sports the consumer engages in. Beverage formulation centres like the Food Research Lab helps to develope sports drinks using natural ingredients and offer clean labelling that increases consumer acceptability, making the product successful.

[miekasa]

how would the aot babies take care of you/cheer you up when your sick?

Levi makes sure you’ve got everything you need, and then some. The first thing on the list is a shower; he knows you might feel like hell, and it doesn’t have to be a long one if you’ve got a headache, but you need to take one, nonetheless. It’s not a matter of cleanliness, it’s about your mental state. He’ll remind you to take Advil every few hours, get you warm drinks and water, and make sure you rest; all the basics. He’ll set up a humidifier in your room if you’re feeling stuffy, and he’d make food for you, too, so that you’ve got something to eat. Takes care of anything you might need, whether it might be chores, emailing your professor/boss about late work, or running errands for you. Honestly, he’s not the type to really cuddle with you, knowing you probably already feel hot as it is, and it does pose a risk for germs; but he’ll stay in your room with you and read or watch a show; and once you’ve gotten past the worst of it, and are moving around a bit more, if you situate your head in his lap, he won’t move you away. 

Eren might appear hopeless, but he’s actually not that bad. One of the few things he cooks very well is a soup that his mom used to make for him when he got sick as a kid, so his first move is going to the store. He picks up anything else he thinks you need while he’s out because he doesn’t wanna have to leave you to go back to the store. Once he’s done cooking, he’ll sit with you while you eat it, and maybe even have a bowl himself. He’s got a pretty good immune system, so he doesn’t mind forgoing possible infection to lay in bed with you. He actually spends a great deal of time thinking about your symptoms and how it’s affecting your body, and how that relates to his coursework; it sucks that you’re feeling bad, but it’s kinda cool to him that he understands what’s going on with you at a molecular level. His primary goal is to make sure you’re well fed and resting; no studying, or working, or doing anything but taking it easy while he’s around. It’s really just him taking the time to lay with you and cuddle you back to health as best he can. He’d probably even give you his hoodie to stay warm (also because he likes the way you look in it), and wear one himself so you guys can match.

Mikasa’s like Levi, in that she knows exactly what to do to help you feel better, even if you think it might not help. She feels pretty bad that you’re not feeling well, and wants to make sure you’re feeling better as soon as possible. She wouldn’t want to leave you alone for too long either, so she does whatever schoolwork she can from your place, and really only leaves to go to class (after you’ve ensured her that, “I’ll be fine for two hours, Mika. You have a quiz, go.”); and she doesn’t waste time getting back to you when her lecture is over. She also encourages you to take a shower when you feel like you can stand for a bit longer, and she tries to get you out of your room a bit too; even if it’s just migrating to the couch for a few hours, the change of environment can do wonders. Kisses your forehead when you’re drifting off to sleep, and cleans up for you while you nap. 

Jean is a surprisingly good nurse, and almost clinical in how he takes care of you; he keeps track of your temperature, when you ate, and the time you took your meds in a note on his phone (“Tylenol is every 4 hours, but Advil is every 6. You can should more Tylenol now, because you’ll probably be knocked out by midnight when you’re due for more ibuprofen, baby.”) He’s always been this way, even when it came to taking care of himself, his mom, and Connie and Sasha when they’re sick (that’s when he got serious about the meds situation, because if he hadn’t stopped Connie freshman year, that idiot might have murdered his own kidneys with amount of Tylenol he was taking). He’ll cook for you, too, but he is more hesitant about being around you because he can get sick himself, and he’s a miserable thing when he’s sick; but he’s still there to care for you when you need him. He nurses you back to help pretty quickly and efficiently, and is still silently looking over you for a few days after, just to make sure you’re really free of your fever/sickness. 

Connie doesn’t get sick often, which is why he nearly overdosed on Tylenol freshman year when he was sick for the first time in five years, and away from home with no instruction; so, god bless his soul, but he’s not the best help in the medicine department. He does know how to use the internet though, so he’ll look up info if he needs to, and other remedies that might work for you. He might not be the best nurse, but you’re his baby, and he’s not just gonna leave you hanging. He’ll order food for you, watch TV/play games with you, he might even try and do some of your assignments for you bless his heart. He sets a timer after you take your medicine, and it scares the shit out of him when it goes off; he almost forgets what it’s for before he’s springing up and heading over to you with a water bottle in hand, “Babe!! Time to take more medicine!!”

If you’re sick, then there’s an 8/10 chance that Sasha is sick, too, and you both probably caught the same bug when you were out together. It sucks, but at least you’ve got a buddy to be sick with. Because you’re both already down for the count, sick cuddles are a thing, and neither of you are sure if you’re really helping the other, but at least you have each other. It makes it somewhat easier this way; you take turns ordering food, taking your meds at the same time, and you know that if she’s downing a bottle of Gatorade, then you should probably be doing the same. If you’re both really bedridden then, your best bet is to call in Jean or Mikasa for extra reinforcements. Once you’re both feeling better, she treats you to some “real food,” because living off of soup, rice, and vegetables for a week was easily the worst part of it. 

Armin doesn’t like that you’re not feeling well, but he doesn’t want to get sick, either, so he does somewhat limit his interactions with you. Trust that he’s going to care for you however he can, but if he’s going in your room, it’s probably with a mask and gloves on, and for as little time as possible. He doesn’t freak out that you’re sick tho; he understands how colds work and that you’re not on your deathbed, but he is responsible enough to know that it’s not worth getting himself infected (and forcing you to take care of him after) just to sleep next to you for the night. While you’re sick and napping, he’ll definitely take care of your coursework for you; doing whatever assignments he can, and emailing your professors about absences if you’ve missed an assessment. His grandparents probably have some age-old remedies they used on him as a kid, so he’ll call them up and ask for their advice, then do his best for you.

[titan-fodder]

Prima Vista Part VIII

[ previous ]

Rating: E (explicit; mdni) Pairing: Mike Zacharias x fem!reader wc: ~13.2k

Warnings: this one fucking hurts, pining, stupid decisions, miscommunications, explicit sexual content (it’s time for something we’ve been waiting for), yet another party, angst A/N: Read this, but before you murder me remember there’s one more after this. Also, this isn’t the big thing you’ve been waiting for, but I know it’s something a lot of people have wanted to see. Enjoy this ouchie. 

Mike doesn’t feel human when he wakes up. He’s nearly positive he no longer is—body taken over by some creature of the bog with toxic breath. Jesus, what the fuck happened last night?

 Blinking hurts. Shifting his leg hurts. His chest is fucking killing him, feels like he bruised his god damn sternum, and when he moves to sit up in a bed that is not his, overwhelming nausea has Mike groaning and covering his mouth with one hand. 

 “He has risen,” a vaguely familiar baritone voice rings through the air, loud enough to make Mike wave his other hand in an attempt to mute it. Erwin chuckles, paying him no attention apparently as he speaks again, “Good timing, too. I just came to drop this off.”

 Mike tries to focus his bleary eyes on the nightstand where his friend sets down a bottle of water, a bigger bottle of Gatorade, and several liquid gel pills. 

 “Chill here for as long as you need. I’m just watching the pledges clean downstairs. Want me to bring the trash can over?” Erwin’s concern can’t entirely hide the amusement in his voice. It’s irritating, but also… Mike needs that trash can.

 “Yeah,” he croaks through his palm. “Thanks.”

 Erwin nods and grabs the little plastic bin, setting it down next to the bed. Mike considers just picking it up and sitting with it in his lap, but he doesn’t know if he’ll be able to stay upright for long enough.

 “I’ll be downstairs. If you need anything, you’ll just have to yell because your phone is definitely sitting in a bag of rice in the kitchen right now.”

 “What?” Mike frowns. How even…

 “It got wet,” Erwin states, like that clarifies anything. “Probably in the shower.”

 “Why was I—”

 “We can talk about it when you’re less…” Erwin gestures to Mike’s face with one finger and grimaces as he finishes, “Green. You didn’t do anything too terrible, though, so you can rest easy.”

 He leaves, and Mike chokes down the pills and a few gulps of water before gently laying back down. He has to retrace metaphorical footsteps to get to the last thing he remembers from the night before, and it’s body shots off some blonde clone. His order of events goes: hanging out with Rhi, talking with you and Erwin, Zeke showing up, catching Eren mid-roofie attempt and throwing him out, getting mad at Nile, and then just a lot of drinking. Too much. Of different kinds. That had been dumb. 

 He thinks he spent a little while in the bathroom. Erwin was there. And, Nile came and went. He thinks he may have heard your voice a few times but can’t be sure, and honestly, trying to recall anything from the period of time his brain was literally incapable of processing new memories is a pretty big waste of time.

 Mike spends most of the day in Erwin’s room. He drifts in and out of restless sleep, waking up to drink his water and Gatorade. At some point, one of the kids, Jean, knocks on the door and drops a bowl of soup off, mumbles, “Erwin told me to bring this up here.” Mike hasn’t spent a ton of time around the current pledge class, but Erwin must like Jean if he trusted the kid enough to give him his room code. 

 The soup settles his stomach enough to move around a little more. His headache ebbs into a dull throb, and the sharp ache in his chest fades into that of a bruise. By around five o'clock, Mike is finally able to amble downstairs, give everyone a tired wave, mumble his thanks to Erwin, then drive himself to his apartment. 

 He's still trying to piece together what happened the night before, but he just ends up more confused than before, so he decides to put it behind him and move on. Everyone deserves a wild night every once in a while. 

 *

 Thanksgiving nears. Mike has already made plans to go home to his parents which means he has to turn down the Pike house Friendsgiving offer that Erwin extends to him. 

 He tells Mike that Nile and Hitch will be there, but Marie might show her face, "So, that will be interesting." 

 Some of the brothers who can't make it home will attend. Erwin is bringing Maddie who Mike hasn't heard about in several months, but he's pretty sure that's just to throw him off the scent of whatever Erwin has going on with you. You, who will also be in attendance because apparently your mom opted to go on a girls trip instead of face the family. Mike can't blame her. 

 He thinks maybe he should reach out to you, to ask about the night he blacked out because he has a feeling you can give him some details that others can't, but Erwin assures Mike that you were only in the bathroom with him for a short time. "Just long enough to see you rip your shirt which she seemed a little too happy about."

 Mike doesn't know what he'd say to you anyway. Even after learning that Zeke had blocked his number in your phone. He's still mad that you let the fucker get close enough to do that in the first place, that you had chosen him. It's a wound that just won't heal. Any time he sees you or hears your name, all Mike can think about is why he wasn't good enough. 

 So, he keeps distancing himself. It seems like the most appropriate thing he can do until he decides he'll be able to have a conversation with you without blowing up. 

 Mike's parents are happy to see him when he walks in the door. Scout jumps on him until he picks her up and holds her like the puppy she is not. He isn't surprised when his mom asks about you, if you and Mike sorted things out. The question hurts even if he was expecting it, seems like yesterday you were walking around the house like you'd always been a part of it. 

 Lying is the easiest path to take. He tells his parents that you had to go home for the break, that you couldn't split up your time between two families in just four days, and, of course, they buy it. 

 Thanksgiving day is nice enough. The family travels a couple cities over to Mike's aunt and uncle's house. It's much bigger, has room for the relatives that are able to make it. There are traditional Greek dishes as well as the usual turkey, stuffing, cranberry sauce, etc. A few pictures here and there, entertaining his younger cousins—it's a good time. 

 Until Mike checks his various social media apps and sees the pictures from Friendsgiving.

 They're tame, nothing wildly inappropriate, but they still make Mike scowl as he thumbs through them. 

 One of Nile cutting into the turkey, of Reiner ripping into a drumstick, Connie hoarding all of the cranberry sauce while his best friend, a girl named Sasha, does the same with the deviled eggs. Gelgar looks to be crying with a dot of potato salad in his hair. Marie is indeed there, glaring in the background of a photo where Nile and Hitch are tapping beer bottles together with silly smiles. She looks much happier in the shot of her and Maddie sitting together, laughing over glasses of wine. 

 Mike's heart stutters when he gets to a photo of you aiming to toss food into Reiner's mouth, then of you and Erwin both holding beers in one hand and pointing matching finger guns with the other.

 Thick as fucking thieves. Two peas in a god damn pod. Mike wants to throw his phone out the window of his dad's suburban. 

 There are several more pictures that Mike doesn't bother to look at. He'd like to have a good time with his parents for the remainder of his break, and there's no way he'll be able to do that if he's pissed off. 

 So, he distracts himself. He goes on walks with Scout and plays with her for hours, watches old movies with his mom and dad, calls a couple relatives from overseas to catch up. But, those pictures are seared into the back of his mind, surfacing whenever he has down time. 

 He doesn't have any desire to go back to campus, not if he's gonna see you and Erwin together. His friend can deny it all he wants, but Mike knows something is going on between the two of you, and as he drives back to the college, he finally has the realization that… you might just be a shitty person. 

 Yeah, you have issues, but so does everyone. It doesn't excuse you from—from fucking toying with people, from using them as puppets whenever you need to. Mike wishes he'd never even tempted you to sleep with him that last time. It had felt too good and too right, but apparently you don't feel the same way. You went right back to Zeke once you'd gotten what you wanted, and Mike should have seen that coming. He should have been prepared for it. On some level he knew that's what you'd do, but that never stopped him from hoping that maybe… maybe it would have opened your eyes. 

 Plus, it ruined the entire Jurassic Park franchise for him, so that sucks. 

 He picks up where he left off both in his classes and in his social life. He stays away from PKA as much as he can but still attends meetings when necessary. The lacrosse season is coming to an end, so he tries to make the most of it. Rhi ends up in his bed again, both of them taking what they can from each other. Erwin jokes that he's gonna fall in love with her— "You know what happened the last time you tried to keep it casual," —and Mike nearly decks him in the face. 

 You don't try to talk to him, no texts or calls. When you see each other on campus, you don't spare him more than a sad glance as you pass him. 

 Mike is fine with it. He isn't about to be the one to make the move to talk things out. Honestly, he doesn't know if there's anything to talk out. You dated Zeke, and now you're dating Mike's best friend and trying to hide it. 

 He's mad at both of you, but it's easier to channel that blistering anger toward you rather than Erwin who he has to see on a regular basis. Besides, Erwin has always gotten around. Mike isn't especially surprised that he'd try his hand with you especially after what happened at the ranch house, but fuck, couldn't he have waited until after he and Mike graduated or something? Just disrespectful. That's what it is. 

 *

 "Bro, I do not wanna go to another party," Mike's voice rises in frustration. "Consider me partied the fuck out, okay? I'm tired of 'em."

 "It's not even a party," Erwin tells him. "It's more like a gathering of… like-minded individuals."

 Mike snorts. "Yeah, okay." 

 "I'm not kidding! Like, twelve people at the most. All we're doing is hanging out at the ranch house."

 "Will there be drinking?" Mike questions, moving his head back and forth in a mocking way. 

 Erwin shrugs his shoulders where he sits. "Of course there'll be drinking, but you don't have to partake. I just want you there to chill. Come on, man."

 "Who's going?"

 The blond lists off some of the Friendsgiving group, but he doesn't get to finish because once Erwin utters your name, Mike cuts him off with a loud, "Nope!"

 "Duuuude," Erwin sounds like the frustrated one now, not that he has any right to be. 

 "Don't dude me! Why the fuck would you think I'd have any interest in watching you two giggle and cuddle n' shit."

 "Mike," Erwin groans, rubbing his forehead. "How many times do I have to tell you…"

 "You don't have to tell me anything. I already know what I need to know."

 Standing up, Erwin seems like he's at his wit's end when he barks, "You don't know shit! You're seeing what you want to see without asking either of us! She misses you, dude. I'm just the next best thing."

 "Nice to know your dick game isn't better than mine at least," Mike grumbles. 

 "Jesus Christ, you know what? I don't care. Come to the house, or don't come. Whatever."

 Erwin takes long strides to get to Mike's front door, obviously ready to get away from him. He slams it hard enough to make Mike flinch. 

 He doesn't care how annoyed Erwin is with him. It's partially his fault that Mike doesn't want to go to the gathering, and he should know that. He'll come to understand eventually, and that thought makes it easier for Mike to make his decision. He's not gonna go. He refuses. There's no way. He won't—

 Mike ends up going. 

 After powering through finals and visiting his parents for another few days. He has a mental debate the entire way to the ranch house, swearing to himself, going over the pros and cons. He comes close to turning around more than a few times, but after a couple hours, Mike finally pulls into the large circle drive right behind Levi's black Prius. 

 Erwin is extremely surprised to see him but keeps his mouth closed about it, just tells him, "Room upstairs on the far right is still open."

 Mike drops his stuff off then greets the others—Nile, Gelgar, Reiner, Jean, Marco, and Levi. 

 "Wasn't expecting to see you here," the last states, focused on burning the loose string of his hoodie with a lighter. "Erwin told me you guys had some bullshit argument."

 "Happens sometimes," Mike dismisses as he takes a place on the couch. 

 "I guess. This is why I don't have a lot of friends. Can't put up with stupid shit like that."

 "Oh, is that why?" Mike rolls his eyes. 

 Levi snickers, shaking his head. "Aw man, he was right. You are in a bad mood, aren't ya'? 

 "Man, fuck off."

 They sit in silence for a few minutes. Mike is bouncing his foot where it's thrown over his opposite leg—anxious or angry or some other negative emotion he needs to get rid of. 

 "Party's gonna be a fucking sausage fest," Levi mumbles. 

 Nile passes behind the couch just in time to hear and informs the smaller man, "Not entirely. Maddie, Marie, Hitch, and Mike's little heartbreaker should be getting here soon."

 Mike groans internally but speaks out loud, "This was a mistake. I can't fucking be here if you guys keep talking about her."

 "If you can't handle us talking about her, how're you gonna handle seeing her?" Levi scoffs. 

 Erwin has stocked the bar with craft beer and various wines. Mike considers going ahead and breaking a few bottles open, but he resists—doesn't want a repeat of the forgotten party. 

 They set up a horror video game upstairs and an animated adult series downstairs. Erwin wasn't lying about it being a more relaxed environment than usual, but that doesn't stop Mike's neck from prickling when you arrive with Hitch at around five. Maddie and Marie show up a couple hours later, and Mike can feel the tension that surrounds all four of you. Amusing as it can be, he really doesn't have the patience for cattiness tonight. 

 High quality Chinese food is provided courtesy of Erwin's father's credit card as well as dipped strawberries that Nile keeps feeding Hitch. It gets Marie very heated very quickly, and Maddie has to talk her down in another room. 

 It makes Mike wonder if you would ever let him feed you like that or if you would snort and bat his hand away. What the fuck do you think you're doing, Zacharias? That's couples shit.

 It makes him sigh and slouch on the couch, thankful you're upstairs watching Connie play the most recent Resident Evil. 

 He knows you're not a fan of horror, so the only reason you'd be up there is to avoid Mike. 

 Good. 

 Erwin is the first to open the wine. Maddie won't leave his side, stuck to him like a magnet. The fact that he has to get a drink only furthers Mike's theory that Erwin didn't invite her as a real date. 

 He spends a fair amount of time shooting the shit with Levi. It isn't necessarily the most enjoyable conversation considering Levi's constant smartass comments, but it's better than trudging up to the second floor. 

 Nile fucks Hitch in the bathroom for everyone to hear. Marie starts crying and runs to the porch. This gathering is about as insufferable as Mike assumed it would be. 

 Eventually, you journey downstairs. It was inevitable. You spare Mike a glance and sigh as you make your way to the kitchen to grab a beer—you don't even like beer, so why—

 "Hey, can you grab me one too?" Erwin calls out, and when you hand it to him, he gives you that hundred watt grin Mike knows brings girls to their knees, but while Maddie stares at him with that dreamy look in her eyes, you just snort and gently shove him. 

 "Don't fuckin' look at me like that, Smith."

 Ah, the last name card, the one that you pull to act like you're all aloof when really you're just reeling them in. 

 "Like what?" Erwin asks before taking a sip, still smiling around the rim of the bottle. 

 "You know what."

 Mike chooses then to go upstairs, knowing he steals your attention as he stomps like a toddler throwing a tantrum. 

 Why did he even come here? Was it just to give himself more reason to brood? Solidify that he's valid in being angry? 

 Connie is trembling as his character makes his way through a decrepit house. Jean laughs every few minutes, but he also startles at every jump scare, leaving Reiner to call both of them pussies as he bites into strawberry after strawberry, throwing the stems into a little bowl in his lap. Mike supposes the first years are entertaining enough. He can see why Erwin invited them here. 

 It's close to nine o'clock. Mike is bored out of his mind, can't help venturing back downstairs mostly because he's tired of watching the pledges swear and shout at the video game (including Reiner now) but also out of morbid curiosity. 

 Marie has returned and is sitting in the kitchen with Maddie, both of whom are glaring into the den where you, Erwin, Nile, and Hitch share the couch. Hitch may as well be in Nile's lap, but you're sitting on the back ridge, feet planted on the cushions as you hunch forward and nurse a beer. Your knee is against Erwin's arm, but that's the only point of contact. Still, whenever something funny is said on the TV show, he looks up at you, as if to check that you're laughing, taking it in. Mike can't blame him. You have one of the cutest laughs he's ever heard. 

 Levi and Gelgar are both on plush loveseats on opposite sides of the room, either scrolling or typing on their phones. 

 Again, Mike has to think about how laid back the party is—even if he's a mess. It's so different from the raucous scenes he's used to—blasting music and keg stands and dancing on tables. This would be infinitely preferable if it weren't for the open pit in Mike's stomach. 

 If he could just chill the fuck out, pay absolutely no attention to you and Erwin and the way his fingers slowly wrap around your ankle when you won't stop bouncing your leg. 

 Not together his ass. 

 When Mike gets a text from Rhi, he basically sighs in relief—the perfect opportunity to forget about you for a while. 

 He doesn't bother asking to make sure it's okay with the host, just messages back, what are you doing rn? and immediately asks her to come over, knowing she only lives about an hour away. 

 Naturally, she agrees. One of the only great things about Rhi is that she’s always, always down to fuck. Mike doesn’t know if it has something to do with his size or if she just has a high sex drive. Either way, he’s glad for it.. 

 He meets her on the porch after waiting for what feels like an eternity, just having to sit and watch you kick Erwin’s thigh whenever he says something dumb. He always retaliates by pulling on your little toes which makes you squeak and almost fall off the couch. It’s fucking maddening, makes Mike want to pull his hair out or throw something, just trash the fucking house because Erwin deserves it. 

 But, then Rhi arrives in all her Ugg boot glory, wearing the old, green hoodie that you had given back to Mike a few months ago.

 They walk in, Mike’s hands on her shoulders like he’s pushing her over the threshold. You look up, take the other girl in, then very quickly step off the couch and prance into the kitchen without saying a word.

 Erwin, however, makes up for your silence, wide eyed as he stares at Rhi and utters, “Fuck.”

* You didn’t want to be like Maddie and Marie, jogging to a private place to cry over a fucking boy, but god, you are definitely locked in the bathroom, hunched over the sink sobbing as quietly as you can. Your nose is running, and your eyes are burning, leaking god damn rivers

 It wouldn’t have been so bad if she was just in her normal winter sorority get-up. But the hoodie? The one you wore for months on end, the one Mike would sniff whenever he would lay his head on your stomach, mumbling something about, “Smells good. Might have to take it back.” He didn’t have to say it out loud, but you knew he always felt a little jolt of pride when you’d wear it, like you were advertising how close you were to him.

 So, to see another girl wearing it—to see Rhi wearing it—it fucking hurts. Your throat is sore from holding back those loud, pained cries. Your stomach is rolling like you ate something spoiled. Your fingers ache from digging into the fancy, granite sink. Everything hurts. 

 It makes you wonder if Mike felt like this when you first told him about Zeke, if he feels like this now that he thinks you’re with Erwin—stupid, stupid, stupid. You shouldn’t have waited so long to talk to him. You should have cleared things up right after the party. Now, it’s too late. 

 There’s a knock on the door that makes you sniff and wipe your nose, but you still tell whoever is on the other side (most likely Hitch or Erwin), “Go away.”

 “It’s me.” Erwin. "Let me in."

 "Literally what did I just say?" 

 "If you don't unlock the door, I'll kick it in. It's my house, so I won't get in trouble for it."

 "Oh my god," you grumble before turning the lock on the knob. "Spoiled fucking brat."

 Erwin steps in and closes the door then takes a good look at your puffy face and red eyes. Sighing, he leans against the wall. "For the record, I didn't invite her. Mike must have—"

 "That doesn't make me feel any better," you say, grabbing some toilet paper to blow your nose. "Actually, it makes me feel even worse."

 "I just wanted to make sure you knew."

 "What, d'you want brownie points or something?" You ask sarcastically, making sure the toilet lid is down before sitting on it, bracing your arms on your knees and looking up at Erwin to find him frowning. "Sorry. I'm being a bitch, I know."

 He waves it off. "It's understandable. I'm not very happy with him either. The perpetual shitty mood is driving me crazy."

 You don't know much about that other than it being entirely your fault, so you apologize, "Yeah, sorry about that."

 "If you guys would have just talked it out like adults—"

 "Well, we didn't, Erwin. And, it seems like it's not even an option any more, so…" you hold your hands out in a clueless fashion, like you're at a loss. "I don't know what you want me to do."

 Your voice is thick, straining against the lump in your throat. Vision going blurry again, you shove your palms against your eyes, repeating, no more crying, no more crying, no more crying. 

 "I'm sorry he's doing this to you," Erwin says quietly. 

 You sniffle, almost laugh when you reply, "Not really different from what I did to him. Like," you have to blow your nose again so it doesn't start running, toss the toilet paper into the waste basket next to you. "I don't know if he's trying to get back at me or legitimately moving on, but I can't exactly hold it against him."

 "Still," Erwin takes a couple steps toward you. "Pulling this kind of shit is fucked up. He had to have known it would hurt you on some level."

 "You don't have to, like, take my side or whatever," you state. "I know we're friends and all, but you don't have to coddle me like this."

 "I'm not trying to coddle you. I'm sympathizing. There's a difference."

 "Whatever it is, it's unnecessary," you mumble.

 "Yeah?" Another step closer so that he's right in front of you. "So, you weren't planning on crying in here for the rest of the night?" 

 "No," you're quick to deny, but your lips quirk upward when you correct, "I was gonna go up to my room and cry in there for the rest of the night."

 Erwin shakes his head then pulls you into a strange embrace, pressing your face to his stomach with one hand while the other settles between your shoulder blades.

 Your first instinct is to shove him away, but his shirt is soft and smells like detergent, and his stomach is firm and grounding against your cheek, and the knuckles rubbing up and down the top of your spine are warm and soothing. 

 So, you stay in the slightly awkward position, shutting your eyes and trying to relax, but all you can think about is Mike walking in with his hands on Rhi and the way she looked in his hoodie. Is she cuter than you? Does she smell better than you? Does she treat him better than you did? 

 Tears well up in your eyes once again, dampening Erwin's shirt as they slip over your waterline, and before you know it, you're clutching the material covering the small of his back and crying against him. 

 And, he lets you—just keeps stroking between your shoulders and shushing you with a quiet, "I know, I know. It'll be okay." 

 Erwin is cocky and bold, takes things a little too far sometimes, but, just as you thought last year after he stole that kiss, he is good. Even if he's broken too many hearts to count and completely disregarded people's feelings, he's a good guy. At the very least, he's good to you, and that's what you need at the moment. 

 "What time is it?" You speak into his shirt. 

 "About eleven thirty."

 You hum and turn so that your forehead is resting just above his hips. It could be a suggestive position, but—

 But nothing. 

 You blink a few times, weighing the situation, everything that unfolded tonight—everything that's unfolded over the past semester and… it would make sense. It's not like you've never thought about it before. You're worked up and need to unwind, need to clear your head, and besides, Mike already believes there's something between you and Erwin, so why not take advantage of that?

 Sucking on your bottom lip, you go through a list of pros and cons. The biggest downside is that Mike will be upset with you. He already is, though, so there’s isn’t much to lose on that front. The upside is that you'll be able to forget about him for a while and possibly get an orgasm out of it. 

 "Hey, Erwin…" You're not entirely sure how to bring it up, but it turns out you don't have to. 

 "Don't fucking ask," he huffs. Perceptive bastard. 

 You push away from his stomach and look up at him. "Okay, why, though?"

 His head is hanging back, gaze trained on the ceiling as he admits, "Because if you ask, I won't say no, and it'll only make things worse."

 Something about that gives you butterflies. That's a good sign, means you might be invested enough to finally let your mind wander from Mike. 

 "Mike already thinks we're fucking, though, so unless you don't actually want to fuck me, I don't see why we shouldn't."

 Erwin walks backward until he hits the cabinets. His full lips are pressed into a tight line, and his blue eyes look like a warning. Don't push me. 

 "Do you honestly think you won't walk away from that feeling guilty?" He questions. "We know we aren't sleeping together, that we aren't actually doing anything wrong even if Mike doesn't believe it. But, to actually go through with it?" Erwin lets out a little chuckle and crosses his arms over his chest. "I probably won't feel bad 'cause I'm kind of an asshole, but you? You will feel awful."

 "I already feel awful," you remind him as you stand. "I already feel guilty. If you think I could feel any fucking worse than I already do, you might be overestimating my—my—I don't know—emotional capacity?"

 Moving forward, you nudge Erwin out of the way to get to the sink, splashing cold water on your face to clean it of dried tears. You cup a hand under the faucet, then toss some water into your mouth, swishing, and spitting, and turning back around. 

 Erwin's gaze is dark and not at all subtle when he eyes you up and down. 

 "I might hurt you, you know," he states in a voice that's considerably deeper than before. 

 You raise your eyebrows, unconvinced. "You don't have to worry about me catching feelings, Smith. Relax."

 Mouth tugging up on one side, Erwin smirks in a way that makes you squirm where you stand. 

 "That's not what I meant."

 It takes you a moment to decipher what he's trying to say, but you breathe an, "Oh," when you realize, then another as it truly sinks in. "Oh."

 That's okay, you want to tell him. I want to be hurt tonight. You only want it if it will hurt. If you confess to that desire, though, Erwin might back out—a disappointment considering the way you're starting to get a little excited. 

 "If I can handle Mike, I can handle you," you say, fully aware that he'll take it as a challenge. If there's one thing you know about men, it's that they thrive off competition. 

 Erwin is no different as he slides in front of you, hands finding your hips and pulling them to his. He's already half hard in his khakis, and you stand on your tip-toes, brushing against him as you do, to tilt your head back and hover just under his mouth as you tease, "Don't tell me you haven't thought about it before."

 "You have no idea how often I've thought about it—how often I think about it."

 You nip at his bottom lip, enjoying the way he licks it afterward. "Have you been holding back since we started hanging out—just the two of us?" 

 His fingers dig into your back, just above the curve of your ass, and you already know there will be small bruises left behind. 

 "Do you want me to paint a picture?" He rumbles, and you nod, pressing a kiss to his throat. "Any time I have you in my room I think about fucking you. On the bed. Over my desk. Up against a wall…" A little gasp makes its way out of him as you bite down on the skin you've been sucking on, and Erwin ruts against you a couple times before continuing, voice a little more strangled than before. 

 "Thought about fucking you downstairs on the couch for the whole frat to see, all spread out, moaning like a porn star. I know what you sound like," he whispers, catching you off guard when he suddenly lifts you to set you on the counter. "I've heard the way you scream for Mike." 

 There's a pang in your chest at the mention of him, but it's gone just as quickly. 

 "And, you'd like it, wouldn't you? Being watched." Erwin trails his lips from your temple to your ear, making you shiver when he speaks into it, "You can pretend all you want, but I know you liked it when I walked in on you and him. You liked being on display."

 He isn't wrong. You replay that instance in your head a little more than you probably should. 

 Hearing the fact stated now, though, right to your face has your body heating, arousal flooding you and making warmth pool between your legs. 

 "You can admit it, it's okay. I've known for a while now."

 One of his hands moves to the inside of your thigh then further up, fingers dancing over your covered pussy. It's your turn to gasp. You clutch his shoulders and spread your legs despite knowing there's no way you'll be satisfied with this, not when thick denim is separating you from his touch. 

 "Don't get too cocky, Smith." You try to sound confident, but it's hard to when your breath keeps hitching. 

 "Why?" He grazes his teeth over the sensitive space below your ear, and it makes you twitch in his grasp. "I have every reason to be."

 He goes on to list every other place he's thought about fucking you—apparently just about every setting you've ever been in with him. Each and every Pike party, the locker room before or after a lacrosse game, his Mustang, Mike's Wrangler.

 "That's fucked up," you somehow manage. 

 Erwin shrugs his shoulders, mumbles, "Can't help it," then slots his lips against yours for the first time (or, the first consensual time). 

 You're reminded of Zeke, the way all you did was compare him, only now with Erwin, you have two men who flash through your mind. He's softer than Zeke but just as bold as he cradles your head and slips his tongue into your mouth—tastes sweeter than Mike (probably from the strawberries), but it's not necessarily a good thing. It isn't bad either. It's just Erwin… Different. 

 His hair doesn't brush your cheeks like Mike's does. He doesn't have glasses to dig into your skin. Clean shaven, no coarse hairs to tickle against you, and he's smack in the middle in terms of height. You have to crane your neck more than you did with Zeke but less than you had to with Mike. 

 It's all a little jarring, but you feel this was always sort of an inevitability, at least once you started spending time with Erwin one on one. You never would have let this happen if you had stayed with Mike—if you had actually taken the next step with him—but that's why you started hanging out with Erwin in the first place. 

 You never noticed the way your back and forth was flirty, mostly just you giving him shit about one thing or another, but apparently others read further into it. And, you've had as good a time as you can. The heartache has put a damper on things, kept Erwin mostly off your radar save for the days you woke up frustrated and desperate, but that's what your vibrator is for. 

 Apparently, while you were busy making sure things stayed friendly between the two of you, Erwin's mind was getting away from him. Every god damn time you hung out, he told you, whether it was at the house or out to lunch, walking with you to classes or out to your car. 

 He did make it a habit of touching you, you can admit, but none of it was inappropriate—a nudge to knock you off balance that would result in you hitting him, a prod in the ribs that would result in you squeaking and hitting him. Sticking a foot out to trip you that would result in you…

 Dude obviously likes to be slapped around. 

 There's also the hugs. Up in his room when you feel extra gloomy, he'd wrap his arms around you and sway back and forth. Sometimes he'd sit and pull you with him, turn on a movie and keep a tight hold around your shoulders. There were afternoons you'd walk into his room while he was studying and just pass out in his bed, up too late the night before from worrying and obsessing, in need of a nap before your evening lecture. He'd set an alarm for you, stay up for a while longer before allowing himself to take a break and crawl under the blankets beside to—

 Oh, god, you've been dating Erwin Smith. 

 You have to break away from him to laugh, lightly hitting your head against his chest so that he chuckles and asks, "What?" 

 "I—" You look back up at him, shaking your head to yourself. "I can't believe I didn't fucking see it."

 "See what?" 

 "You and me—"

 "You and I," he corrects, and you shove him. 

 "You and I have just been doing what Mike and I were doing."

 "Uh, excuse me," he holds a finger up. "We have not been having endless sex, thank you."

 "That's not—" You roll your eyes. "I'm saying we've been dating without actually dating. Like, I get why everyone thinks we're a thing."

 "Oh," Erwin nods, sucking his teeth for a second then adding, "Yeah, I was wondering when you would figure that out."

 "Fucker. Did you do it on purpose? Like, just to prove you could?" 

 He frowns, looking genuinely offended. "Christ, what kind of person do you think I am?" 

 "Not twenty minutes ago you confessed to being an asshole."

 His face softens when he snickers. "Okay, true. But, no. I'm not trying to manipulate Mike or you for that matter. You've been upset, and you've put up with a lot of shit over the last few months, and I just figured you could use a friend."

 Staring up at him, you notice the way his face is turning a little red, and you hold your tongue between your teeth as you smile knowingly. 

 "You caaare about meee."

 He scoffs and looks away

 "Heartbreaker Smith cares about a girl," you tease. "How embarrassing."

 "Laugh it up. You would've been miserable without me."

 "I mean, yeah, but still. What's it like having a platonic girlfriend?" 

 He tilts his head to the side then reaches forward to squeeze your thighs. "Is it really platonic if we're about to have sex?" 

 "Absolutely. Hundred percent."

 "You're not even a little worried that it'll become a regular thing and you'll fall in love?" The arrogance is both astounding and amusing. 

 Cocking your head, you take a deep breath, expression one of false sympathy as you pat his stomach. "I'm positive. Unfortunately, my heart belongs to another."

 Erwin clicks his tongue before moving forward and sliding his hands between the counter and your ass. "I'm a little hurt, honestly. I'm used to fucking a girl and having to hide out for a while afterward—always so clingy."

 You squint, can't tell if he's being serious or overdramatizing to annoy you. 

 "You know what? Nevermind. I don't even want your little playboy ass anymore—"

 Naturally, he turns the charm back on right then, getting too close to your face, blue eyes flicking to your lips before he breathes, "Don't lie," and presses a tiny peck to them. "The tough girl act is only believable for so long."

 "Wow, fuck you."

 "That's the idea," he smirks. 

 "Har fucking har. You're so funny."

 Erwin pulls you closer to the edge of the counter and grinds his hips against yours then prompts, "Your room or mine?" 

 "Mine," you reply. "I'd rather you have to do the walk of shame later."

 "Probably a good idea since you won't be able to once I'm finished with you."

 You actually laugh out loud. It would have worked on you a few minutes ago, but all the joking has you a little giggly at this point. 

 Fuck, he is going to make a great distraction. 

 "Okay, calm down. Don't make promises you can't keep."

 "Sounds like a challenge to me."

 "Men," you sigh. "So predictable."

 After minutes more of unnecessary banter, Erwin finally coaxes you out of the bathroom you've both spent far too much time in. Your face has cleared up, the urge to cry subsiding, though your heart still drops in your chest when you pass behind Mike and Rhi on the couch, green eyes tracking you as you walk up the stairs in front of Erwin. 

 This is not the right way to solve a problem, but it'll probably be fun for a while. It's already fun as Erwin kicks the door closed and walks you back to the bed. He isn't even touching you, just watching you with a hazy blue gaze. He isn't smiling, looks like a predator, and honestly, it's ridiculously attractive. 

 "Stop making that face."

 "What face?" 

 "That—that—"

 You run into the bed, wave your arms to keep your balance, but Erwin presses his fingertips to your chest and just barely pushes to knock you back. 

 "What face, hm?" 

 The hair on your arms and neck is standing on end, anticipation bubbling in your gut as you try to crawl higher on the mattress only for Erwin to grab you by the ankle and tug you back down. 

 Damn. He's good at this. 

 "Stay," he commands, straightening up to take his shirt off. 

 He's tan and toned, light blonde hair sprinkled over his chest and above the waistband of his pants. 

 You're reminded of the very first Pike party you went to, the first time you slept with Mike (and can't remember), walking downstairs the following morning to find Erwin in the kitchen wearing sweats and drinking his coffee and smirking at you like he could tell the future. 

 Maddening. He's maddening. 

 You rid yourself of your own top then shimmy out of your jeans. Erwin eyes you hungrily, causing your whole body to tingle. It simultaneously makes you want to cover yourself and spread yourself open for him. 

 "I have been waiting way too fucking long for this," Erwin mumbles, raking fingernails down your torso so that you take in a shuddering breath. 

 "It's been, like, a y-year and a half." Your back arches on its own volition, hips bucking as Erwin scratches over the bones before catching your thong and pulling it down. He kneels at the end of the bed, a familiar scene save for the head of shiny, golden hair.

 "A year and a half of having to look but not touch."

 "Poor little—" you gasp when he parts your folds with his thumbs, staring at your pussy then blowing a stream of air over it. 

 "Do you know how many times I've jacked off to the thought of you? How many times I've slept with other girls while imagining it was you?" 

 You want to make another smartass comment, tease him about being a pervert or in his feelings or something, but you can't find your voice as he licks a long, slow stripe up your slit. You stare at the ceiling, not even blinking as too many signals fire in your brain all at once. 

 Erwin is good with his mouth. Like, stupid good. He has a teasing rhythm, flicks your clit with the tip of his tongue until your muscles are coiled then moves to trace the ring of your entrance, taking his time as you turn from human to puddle. 

 He’s better at this than Zeke who would purposely graze his teeth over your sensitive little bud a little too hard on purpose, would suck on it until it hurt. He liked when you whimpered for him, liked leaving raised welts on your ribs and back from where he’d scratched. The intermixed pain and pleasure never failed to make you come, but the climb up to that precipice was usually precarious for lack of a better term.

 Then, there’s Mike (because of course there is). His mood usually determined how he would take you, hard and fast before a game or slow and lazy as you both relaxed in his room. One thing always stayed the same no matter his disposition, and it’s that he fucking worshiped your pussy—even said it on multiple occasions. He would eat you out like a starving man, lapping at your juices like it would quench his thirst. Some days he would overstimulate you to the point of tears, neverending licks lavished over your clit as he pumped thick fingers in and out of your cunt. Other days he would go down on you like it was a fucking hobby—turn on a movie, spread you out on the foot of his bed, and eat you out while only halfway paying attention to the TV. He could pull multiple orgasms from you that way, letting you come around a finger or two before returning to your pulsing clit. Fuck, you used to make such a mess. He’d spend minutes trying to lick you clean, but you always ended up in the shower afterward.

 You shouldn’t be thinking of that right now, though. You should be thinking about Erwin’s clever tongue and the fingertips just barely brushing over sensitive skin. You want them inside of you, want something to clamp down on, but no matter how much you pull his hair or utter a breathy, “Please,” he keeps the same pace, only moving on when he feels like it.

 He’s doing it on purpose, trying to break you before even getting to the point of fucking you, and if you’re being honest, it just might work. He’s gonna make you lose your god damn mind tonight. Exactly like you want to.

 “Fuck, how much p-practice have you had with th-this?”

 Erwin laughs, stilling your wriggling by curling his arms around your thighs. “Too much, probably.”

 You whine when he continues, but when he starts softly sucking on your clit, you’re surprised at how close you suddenly feel, your legs naturally trying to spread further but remaining immobilized in Erwin’s grip. The threat of not being able to move only intensifies the building sensation in your gut, and soon you’re gasping his name, eyes rolling as you try in vain to buck further into his face. 

 You feel more than hear Erwin groan, a deep vibration that pours over your clit and makes you twitch. He gives you a few more long licks, then pulls back and stands, exposing the way his mouth and chin are covered in a glossy sheen. 

 “Feel better yet?” He smirks.

 You wave a lazy hand, don’t want to fluff his ego too much, so you allow him to witness your borderline stoned state while still jeering, “I’ll feel better when I have your cock inside me.”

 Erwin laughs to himself, mutters, “Eager,” then takes his pants off. 

 Pushing yourself up on your elbows, you give his cock a cursory glance and stop. “Hold on,” then slide off the bed and to your knees. 

 If you’re gonna fuck Erwin Smith, you’re at least gonna appreciate it. 

 He inhales sharply as you place your hands on his thighs, eyes traveling over his length. It’s pretty, above average in size, smooth, with a flared tip that’s currently flushing a dark pink. 

 “I really hate to admit this, but you could be, like, a dick model.”

 He chokes on some kind of snort, and you swear his entire chest turns red. “I—thank you?”

 “You’re welcome,” you tell him, promptly taking hold of his cock and guiding it into your mouth.

 “Oh, fuck, fuck—”

 His skin is soft against your tongue, warm as you take him deeper. His girth stretches your jaw, but you’re still pretty used to the feeling, had to get used to it with Mike because he’s a little bigger than—

 That’s not important. 

 Erwin breathes through his teeth as he places a hand on the top of your head, and when you look up at him through your eyelashes, he lets out a disbelieving little laugh. That confident fucking tease is nowhere to be found as you swipe your tongue over the tiny hole leaking pre then surge forward, almost pressing your nose to his pelvis as you run the muscle back and forth under the base of his cock.

 “Shit, let me—let me lean against the bed,” he says, pulling you off him and chuckling, “Gonna make my fucking knees buckle.”

 You turn where you’re kneeling, waiting for him to get better stabilized before resuming your efforts to ruin this annoying, charming frat boy who is always put together. You suck and slurp and trigger your gag reflex a couple times. Erwin’s fingers scratch against your scalp like he’s looking for purchase. He’s careful not to be too brutal as he pushes you down on his cock, raising his hips to meet your rhythm. His head is thrown back, thighs tensing under your hands as his chest rises and falls with short breaths. 

 You have to work up to it, but once you feel loose enough, you press forward and let Erwin slip further into your throat. His voice sounds like honey when he groans a low, “Hoooly fuck,” letting his head hang down as he attempts to stare at you with unfocused eyes. 

 “Okay, okay, okay,” he huffs. “Keep going and we won’t get to the main event.”

 You pull off of him with a lewd pop then raise to your feet. Your knees are a little sore, but it’s nothing some exercise won’t work out. 

 “Want me to wear a condom?”

 “I don’t care. I’m clean and on birth control,” you tell him. “What about you?”

 “Well, I’m clean, but I haven’t gotten my birth control prescription refilled in a wh—”

 You flick his chest, and Erwin laughs as he bats you away. 

 “Alright. Up on the bed with you then,” he motions to the mattress. “Lay on the edge.”

 You do as you're told, spreading your legs for Erwin to stand between, and you bite your lip when you feel him rub the head of his cock between your folds. You’re still wet with slick—probably dripped onto the carpet when you were giving him head—which makes the glide easier as he teases you. 

 “Ready?” He asks, wriggling thick eyebrows until you smile. He doesn’t wait for an actual answer before he starts pushing in, pressing your legs to your chest as he slowly seats himself in your cunt.

 You’re making that face—eyebrows moving toward your hairline as if you’re worried, jaw dropping open as air is pushed from your lungs. Erwin looks focused, licking his lips as he gazes down at the way your pussy stretches around him. 

 He thrusts in and out at a tortuous pace, apparently waiting for you to start trembling around him before he deems you ready to take more. Every one of his movements is measured, slowly pulling out only to push in all at once. The ridge of his cock drags over your g-spot, pressing firmly against it and making you claw at his shoulders. 

 He feels good, satisfying, but he’s not quite as good as Mike who used to hit all your spots without even thinking about it—somehow making you beg like a whore and sing like a little girl in Sunday school all at the same time. 

 Still, you don’t have to lie when Erwin quickens his pace and pants, “Feel good?” 

 “Fuck—yes, yes, Jesus Christ—”

 He’s pulling all manner of crude sounds from your pussy, wet and greedy as it sucks him back in with every rut of his hips. The angle is perfect—his height paired with the bed on stilts has him hitting your spot every time, and you feel the need to warn him, “If you keep—keep fucking me like this—god—m’gonna squirt.”

 “Fuck yes,” he praises, wetting a thumb in his mouth before bringing it down to massage your clit. He only speeds up as your voice rises, body confused like your muscles don’t know if they should be flexed or relaxed. 

 You feel that tell-tale burning, that urge that only gets stronger the more Erwin abuses your g-spot and presses against your clit.

 “Shit, shit, shit—”

 Erwin groans when fluid starts to trickle from you, pushes more and more out of you while quickly swiping two fingers over your clit. The sense of relief is mind-numbing. You can’t even be upset that your sheets are gonna be damp whenever you decide to sleep. 

 He doesn’t slow down, doesn’t lose his rhythm, just sticks his two wet fingers into his mouth and sucks them clean. 

 You see it now—the skill, the appeal, why the girls always come back to him. It makes sense. He’s devastatingly handsome, especially like this, all fucked out and flushed, hair out of place, lips red and swollen from biting them. 

 Yeah, Erwin is fucking hot.

 But, that doesn’t mean he’s your type. 

 Pulling out, he flips you onto your stomach, and you have to stand on your tip-toes as you lean over the bed. The burn in your calves disappears almost entirely when he slides into you from behind, pelvis pressing against your ass as he curls over you, cupping your tits and tweaking your hardened nipples as he gifts you with a series of shallow thrusts. It makes you whimper and teeter forward, unable to balance and squirm at the same time. Face suddenly buried in the mattress, your cries are muffled by the blankets. Erwin’s hands travel back to your hips, rocking you back and forth on his slick cock. He’s getting a little rougher, pressing into you as deeply as he can, and the fact that you’ll be sore from this tomorrow gives you a strange sense of satisfaction. 

 Only way to get over someone is to get on top of someone else, right? Or, underneath in your case. Being a little more in control wouldn’t be the worst thing, though, so…

 “Erwin, Erwin, fuck—Lemme ride you.”

 There is no hesitation. Erwin slips out of you and throws himself onto the bed, grinning crookedly as he watches you climb over him on unsteady limbs. His patience must have worn out some time ago, because he holds his cock with one hand, using the other to line you up with it, then guides you down his length. 

 You have to sit still for a second, or you would like to, but Erwin is still holding your hips, and he rocks you back and forth in his lap like he knows. He probably does. He’s probably fucked enough girls to notice exactly when their eyes pop open, when they shudder and break out in goosebumps because that pressure is hitting exactly where it needs to, and yeah, he knows. 

 Finding it in yourself to move again, you lean over Erwin, planting your hands on the pillows by his head, then start bouncing on his cock. He hisses in a dark, appreciative way, eyes and hands immediately drawn to your chest. He sits up enough to suck one of your nipples into his mouth, licking and pinching then doing the same to the other. 

 He’s so good—feels so good, knows just where to touch, the exact place to bite on your neck that makes you melt, but how—how does he know that? It’s like he has a sixth sense or—

 Or, he just paid attention to the bruises that Mike used to leave on the sides of your throat. That checks out. 

 Fuck, he used to mark you like he wanted everyone to see, especially that last night. It was almost animalistic, like he had been—marking his territory, Zeke’s voice plays in your head. It makes you frown, and you rid yourself of the thought only to replace it with the memory of Mike’s mouth on your skin, his calloused fingertips trailing down your torso, huge hands wrapping around your legs to pull you against him—

 You whine, glad it sounds like a sound of desperation rather than frustration. You just want to stop thinking about him. Just an hour—if you could go a single fucking hour—

 “Hey, look at me,” Erwin commands in a soft voice. 

 You open your eyes, still hovering over him, and expect him to say something, but instead he just reaches up to the back of your head and pulls you into a kiss. 

 He’s helping move you on top of him, forcing you to take his cock over and over, and like this, so close and breathing him in, you don’t even have the room to think about Mike. 

 Both of your bodies are damp with sweat, and Erwin’s hair is a mess, pushed from his flushed face. He bites down on your bottom lip and tugs, only letting go to ask, “Where do you want me?”

 “I don’t care,” you groan, legs and arms and pussy growing sore. You’re not surprised; you’ve been going at it for a while now. 

 Erwin licks your lower lip as if to soothe it after biting it, tells you, “Oh, don’t give me that option. You know where I’ll pick.”

 Smiling, you straighten up then move to fit your feet underneath you so you can bounce more freely. “You can come inside, dude. It feels good to me, too.”

 “I really don’t know how to respond to being called ‘dude’ when I’m balls deep in a girl.”

 You shrug, “Sorry not sorry,” then raise and drop yourself, feeling in charge for the first time tonight. 

 “Fuck—shit—”

 That feeling is short lived as Erwin goes right back to using you the way he wants. You think for about half a second that he’s finally, really losing himself, but the accuracy of his finger on your clit proves that is not the case. He’s clearly having a good time, but he isn’t at that feral stage that Mike falls into sometimes.

 Before you can dwell on it for too long, you hit your peak, moaning Erwin’s name, hips moving uncontrollably as you ride out your orgasm.

 He’s speaking, mumbling praise or pleas or curses, you aren’t so sure, but after about another minute of fucking into you relentlessly, Erwin comes, shooting line after line inside of you until he’s spent and twitching. 

 With your two previous partners, this is usually when you’d fall forward and cuddle, catch your breath and enjoy the feeling of being all plugged up.

 But, it’s Erwin, huffing and blinking up at the ceiling then finally stating, “That was a dumb idea.”

 It makes you laugh for some reason, probably because you agree. 

 The sex was great. There is a reason girls talk about him on campus, about his sexual prowess or whatever, and if you weren’t too busy suffocating in your little pit of heartbreak, thinking about your best friend nonstop, you wouldn’t mind fucking Erwin again. And, again and again.

 That’s not gonna happen, though. The heat of the moment is fading, every mental faculty returning to you, and despite the fact that you’re still seated on his cock, as you look down at him, you feel absolutely no spark.

 He’s ridiculously attractive, pretty fucking brilliant but with a dumb sense of humor, and you love him. You really do. He’s done a lot for you over the last semester, made it at least somewhat bearable, but… This shouldn’t have happened. 

 Hopefully, it quelled his curiosity, though.

 “I told you it would just make you feel shitty,” he mumbles, but he doesn’t look sad. Sympathetic more than anything, resigned that he’s probably going to have to pick up the pieces of another mess. 

 “Yeah,” you drawl. “You were right.” Your joints pop as you stand, towering over Erwin for once and leaking his fucking cum as you hop off the bed. 

 “It’s been known to happen from time to time,” he jokes absentmindedly, wiping a few drops of white off his stomach then reaching for the tissues on the nightstand. 

 You don’t feel awkward or out of place, but you have no idea what else to say. The only thing that comes to mind is, “I’m gonna take a shower,” as you walk toward the bathroom.

 Erwin moves on the bed, stretching a little before grabbing his pants and leaving you to your devices, but you pause before stepping onto the tile, turn back and pace over to him.

 “Hey,” you start, and Erwin glances up from the button of his khakis. “Thanks.”

 He rolls his eyes, a small smile playing at his lips, and once he’s all zipped and buttoned up, he pulls you into a hug. 

 “I would say any time, but we probably shouldn’t do this again.”

 “Yeah, probably not.”

 You breathe into the space under his collarbone, humming as he gently scratches you back, then break away. “Alright, actually gonna shower now.”

 Erwin nods, “You do that,” then slaps your ass as soon as you turn around. 

 You look at him over your shoulder with raised eyebrows, but he just winks and tells you, “I had to. Just once,” which is fair. 

 You run a hot shower, scrub the shit out of your skin, lather your hair with some fancy shampoo then rinse it off. Once you go through your full routine, you’re happy to change into pajamas and slip into the comfortable bed. You don’t even mind that the comforter is a little damp in various places.

* You don’t stir when the door opens and closes, but you do when the mattress dips. Shifting slightly, you assume it’s just Erwin, falling back into your usual routine by slipping under the covers with you.

 As soon as he lays behind you, though, you know it isn’t Erwin. You recognize that weight, that warmth, that smell, and you are very awake very quickly. 

 “M-Mike?”

 All he offers is a little, “Mm,” to confirm.

 You chew on the inside of your cheek, confused and clueless as to what you’re supposed to do. 

 “Are you drunk again?”

 “No. Little buzzed.”

 Why is he here, then? You want to ask—What is he doing? Why isn’t he with Rhi?

 You start to turn to face him but you're stopped when Mike sets a hand on your back. It's oddly firm, keeping you in place as he grunts, "No, don't."

 "What?" 

 "Don't turn around." His voice is hushed and choppy, like he's gritting out every syllable. 

 "Mike?"

 "I have shit I wanna say to you, and I won't be able to if you're lookin' at me."

 You have no idea how to respond to that, don't know if this is going to be a positive one-sided conversation where Mike confesses deep feelings while actually sober, or if he'll just unload all the baggage you've given him. Either way, you wish you could see his face. Something about having him laying behind you, close enough to feel his body heat, has you feeling very uneasy. 

 But, you nod, "Okay," trying to put on a brave face that he refuses to look at. 

 For a while, he just breathes. You assume it’s because he’s gathering his thoughts or maybe working up the courage to say something, but the suspense is making you shiver under your blankets. You have that terrible feeling in the pit of your stomach, the mix of anticipation and regret you get on the way up to the first drop of a rollercoaster. 

 “Why have you been lying to me?”

 And, there’s that drop. 

 You swallow. “I haven’t been.”

 “Bullshit.”

 “Mike, I haven’t been!” You try to turn again, but his large hand is still right in the middle of your back. 

 “Do you think I’m fucking stupid?” His fingers close around the material of your shirt. You feel it tighten at your chest, making it hard to breathe—harder to breathe. “How are you gonna tell me that right after sleeping with him?” 

 You open your mouth to argue, realize you can’t make a case for yourself, and when you snap your jaw shut again, the sound of your teeth clacking seems to echo in your head.

 Yesterday, you would have been able to talk to him about this and be honest when telling him you weren’t fucking his best friend. Now, though…

 God, that had been such a bad decision. Why hadn’t you just listened to Erwin? Why can’t you fucking listen to anyone?

 “Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Mike mutters. His grip loosens, but you can still feel a light tug at your shirt, the movement of fingers, and you think he might be rubbing over the material he’s still holding. “Pretty sure all of us could hear you guys goin’ at it, so… Thanks for that.”

 You take a deep breath in, squeezing your eyes shut because it sinks in that this is not going to be nice conversation. This isn’t going to result in the two of you apologizing and making love confessions to each other. 

 “I… I’m sorry.”

 Now, you’re grateful for not being able to see his face. You wouldn’t be able to stand looking at him right now, not when you know his expression will be grim—probably angry. 

 “I can’t really do anything with sorry,” Mike sighs. His hand drops from your back, but you make no move to turn over. 

 Your heart is like a hummingbird’s, beating frantically in your chest as that ache rises inside of you again, making your throat constrict and your eyes burn. 

 “Why’d you invite Rhi tonight?” You ask, hoping your sniffle isn’t too noticeable.

 “Why does it matter?”

 You suppose it doesn’t, but you still want to know, “Is it to get back at me, or is it because you’re actually into her?”

 Mike scoffs. “Not that it’s any of your business, but do you think I’d be in your room at three in the fucking morning if I was into her?”

 It’s probably the closest he’ll get to admitting it, but it’s all you need to hear. He’s been going out of his way to hurt you. At least any pain you’ve caused him wasn’t intentional. Until tonight, that is, and even then, you didn’t fuck Erwin to hurt him; you did it to help yourself. 

 Pressing your tongue to the roof of your mouth, you hold back tears and mumble a thick, “Just wanted to know.”

 “Want to make sure I’m still interested? That I’ll keep waiting for you to fucking realize—”

 “I have—” You turn over roughly, pinning Mike’s hand under your ribs as you glare at him, but he manages to put more distance between the two of you when he yanks his arm back and sits up.

 “I can’t do this anymore,” he tells you, and you think you hear his voice waver for a second.  

 The orange light pouring in from the bathroom is the only way you can tell his eyes are wide—worried—and it chills all the blood in your body.

 “Wh-what d’you mean?” 

 “I mean, I can’t fucking do this anymore,” he repeats a little louder, drawing it out like it’ll help you understand. “I cannot deal with you anymore. I can’t keep feeling this way, okay?”

 “Mike…”

 “No,” he stops you, acts like he has something else lined up but bites his tongue and sighs. He sits cross-legged on the bed now, hangs his head as he speaks calmly, “This semester has fucking sucked. I am angry all the time. I can’t focus in class, and I can’t play lacrosse without getting in trouble, and I can’t fuck anyone else without feeling bad—I can’t fucking do anything without thinking of you, and I’m—” he looks at the wall and shakes his head. “I’m exhausted.”

 “I am too,” you tell him, voice cracking as that lump in your throat grows and bubbles, pushing hot tears from your eyes that you quickly wipe away. “Mike, I am too, so can we just—”

 “No,” he cuts you off again. “Whatever it is you’re about to say—move on, pretend it didn’t happen, pick up where we left off, whatever… the answer is no.”

 He seems like he already has his mind made up, came into the room with a plan, and he isn’t gonna let you talk him out of it. 

 So, you stay as silent as you can, sniffing and swallowing and letting the comforter catch every teardrop. 

 “I have been… Right in front of you this whole time. I made myself completely available for a year—was at your beck and fucking call. I was—I mean—I was good to you, right?” He sounds incredulous, like he can barely believe he’s asking. 

 “Yeah,” you manage. “Yeah, you were.”

 “Then, why…? Zeke? And, now Erwin?”

 “Do you want me to try to explain, or do you just wanna rant for a while?”

 Mike glances at you, looks surprised that you’d give him the option. 

 “Honestly, I don’t really wanna hear it. You’ve more than proved your point.”

 Indignation swirls in your stomach alongside your nausea, and you press, “My point being?”

 “That I’m not good enough.”

 Oh, god. No, no, no. You could understand him being angry. You’re okay with him being angry, it’s fine. But, this—this feeling of inferiority? That is so much worse. It makes you sick. This is the last thing you’d ever want Mike to feel. It’s the last thing he should feel because it’s false. He has no reason—he’s too good and too kind and too warm. He’s like… He’s fucking sunshine. He can light up a room, and he doesn’t even know it.

 “Mike, n-no,” your voice breaks, making you sound like a wounded animal. “You are so, so good. You are more than enough, I promise.”

 He snorts in a self-deprecating manner. “Then, why—”

 “Because I’m not good enough. I fucked this up. This is my fault, and I can own that as long as you know that there is absolutely no—nothing wrong with you,” the last part comes out as a squeak as you try not to hyperventilate and cry the way your body is urging you to. Not yet. 

 Mike nods a few times. You can see his mouth moving from the side like he’s biting his lip or sucking his teeth until he agrees, “Yeah,” then adds a quiet, “Whatever you say, babe,” that makes you want to throw up.

 Mike scoots to the edge of the bed and stands. You assume he’s about to leave, let you be alone with your thoughts, so when he rounds the corner to get to your side, you sit up a little straighter. 

 Half of his face is illuminated, casting shadows under his eyes, highlighting the bruise on his neck that Rhi probably left, but your gaze is trained on his as he leans down to you. A finger hooks under your chin, and Mike tilts your face at an angle, kissing you so softly that it’s painful. 

 His lips are warm and familiar, everything you’ve been craving as they cover yours. There’s no tongue, no force, just light pressure as he inhales through his nose.

 You know what this is, what he’s doing, but you can’t prepare yourself because there’s still that tiny string of hope you’re grappling for. He just needs a break. You just need to give him space. That’s all—

 “I love you,” Mike murmurs. His voice is low and honest and slices you open. “I love you so fucking much it hurts, and I just—” He brushes a thumb over your lower lip as he pulls away, and it takes everything in you not to grab his hand and beg him to stay. “It’s like I hate you too.”

 You pull away to wipe your face with the blanket. There’s so much you want to say but have no idea how to articulate it, so all you can do is stare at Mike with wide, watery eyes. He… hates you. He hates you. 

 Straightening, Mike’s expression is suddenly nonchalant, like he just flipped a switch in his brain. “I’m not exactly the social butterfly I used to be, but I wanna have fun my last semester of undergrad—make up for the time I lost fucking brooding over you, so—”

 “I’ll stop going to the Pike house,” you tell him quietly. It’s easier to make the decision yourself rather than have to hear it from his mouth: Don’t come around anymore. I don’t want to see you. 

 “Cool. And, if you, like, see me on campus or anything—”

 You cough, maybe gag, you can’t really tell at this point because wow, this just keeps getting worse. 

 “I won’t bother you.”

 “Cool.” He bends to press another much more patronizing kiss to the crown of your head, then starts walking toward the door. “I’m just gonna try to move on, you know? Start fresh. And, you should do the same. Shouldn’t be too hard for you.” 

 You don’t watch him leave, just listen for the door to click shut behind him before you crawl out of bed, turn the lights on, and start packing your things. 

 You and Hitch drove together, but you have no doubt that she'll be able to get a ride with Nile, and with that thought, you’re out of the ranch house and on the road just as the first rays of the morning sun start shining over the horizon.

 *

 It’s surprisingly easy for Mike to slip back into his old, obnoxious persona, and the remainder of the school year is spent partying, fucking, and cramming for tests he should have studied for weeks in advance.

 But, life is short, and he’s done beating himself up over stupid shit.

 Most of his PKA brothers are happy to have him “back”, and the pledges get the chance to see this of him, but there are times when Mike catches Erwin or Nile shaking their heads at him. He doesn’t mind much. They can both go fuck themselves for all he cares. 

 True to your word, you don’t show your face around the house. There were a few weeks after the holiday get-together where Erwin would disappear for a few hours at a time and come back either tired or angry, sometimes a combination of the two. 

 He attempted to bring you up in a conversation a total of one time, right in the middle of a party where Mike had been eyeing up a sorority girl. He brushed his friend off, easily telling Erwin, “Don’t fuckin’ talk to me about her,” through the crooked grin he was flashing at the little blond across the room. 

 Erwin didn’t bother after that, obviously deeming Mike a lost cause. 

 Mike knows better, though. He isn’t lost anymore. In fact, he’s found himself all over again.

 Every once in a while, he’ll catch a glimpse of you on campus, but whenever that happens, he just turns around and takes a different route to wherever he’s going. He doesn’t want to give you any reason to think you can talk to him—doesn’t want to give you the chance.

 He’s spent too much of his time hung up on you, too much time pining and hurting, and that hasn’t disappeared entirely. Mike can still clearly remember the way you looked at him the last night the two of you spoke, the way your tears twinkled in the dim light. He remembers how strangled you sounded while speaking, remembers the way your shoulders shook as you fought your emotions, remembers the way your lips trembled against his. 

 It wasn’t very satisfying. Mike left the ranch house the following morning sporting a few bruises on the outside thanks to Rhi as well as a few bruises on the inside thanks to you. 

 That entire night had been a clusterfuck—between Maddie and Marie storming off to cry then the little stunt he pulled by inviting Rhi, it had been much too dramatic for a gathering of that size. Mike experienced a wide variety of emotions that night, but the one that stands out the most is the searing rage that threatened to burn him from the inside, the red the clouded his vision as soon as he heard you moan Erwin’s name through the wall. 

 Mike had already been toying with the idea of severing all ties with you, but that’s what pushed him over the edge, watching you put on your little show when Rhi walked in only to turn around and have a grand fucking time with his best friend. 

 It needed to happen. Mike needed to free himself of you. It feels good. Mostly. There are still some days he comes close to giving in, just picking up his phone and calling you, but he resists, and he’s better for it. 

 He gets through his classes, does well on his finals after actually putting in the time to prepare for them, and by the time Mike graduates, he’s already been accepted to the graduate program of his choice and has an internship lined up. The tension between him and Erwin has faded for the most part, which is great since he’s going to grad school in the same area up north. Things look… promising—something he didn’t think possible without you by his side, something he didn’t want to be possible without you by his side. 

 But, now, here he is, unpacking his new apartment with the help of Scout who insists on sniffing absolutely everything. He’s halfway across the country from his parents, away from all he’s ever known, and Mike couldn’t be more thrilled about it. 

 He can go full days without sparing you a thought now, and he hopes—he prays—that one day he’ll think of you for the last time in his life. 

[ next ]

[fighterkimburgess]

58 + Rheese

58. You did spend lot of quality time in my bathroom for what it’s worth.

--

If you asked Sarah how this had happened, she couldn't have told you. She and Connor had bonded over parental disappointments, and gone out for drinks. Which led to seafood. Which led to more drinks. Which led to making out on Sarah's couch, until Connor realised that maybe eating shellfish out of season was a bad idea and spending his night stuck in her bathroom, a bottle of gatorade beside him.

It was a marginally better reaction to the first time she'd kissed someone than the time she kissed Amy Turner in seventh grade, who'd then gone around the school proclaiming "SARAH REESE IS A LESBIAN". Thirteen year olds didn't get bisexuality, evidently. At least this time the humiliation was between the two of them and not the entirety of West Hartford Middle School.

"Sarah, I'm really sorry about last night. I didn't mean for that to happen." Connor was holding his head as he came out of the bathroom, and Sarah held out a glass of water for him.

"It's fine, honestly. You did spend a lot of quality time in my bathroom, for what it's worth."

"That wasn't exactly the b room I was hoping to spend time in. Look, you can completely say no because nursing me through food poisoning isn't exactly something sexy. But I like you. And before the clams decided to yell at me, I wanted to say that I thought last night could have counted as a first date. When I'm a hundred percent can we have a do-over? Without the shellfish?" He had a bashful smile on his face, and it was all Sarah could do not to grin. She'd honestly believed her crush was unrequited, but it wasn't. And he'd just proven it wasn't.

"That sounds really nice. Are you going to make it home? Or do you want to spend the day here while I'm in work? It'll save a cab cleaning fee."

He nodded gratefully at that, squeezing her fingers as she left for her shift. And that night when she got home he had dinner waiting for her, eating hot and sour soup while she had her usual tofu fried rice, curled up on the couch together.

[starlight-writes-stuff]

hi again omg! im getting into the feral boys and i was hoping you could do some headcanons for them with a reader that has their period (but could you make it gender neutral if possible?) - ⚙️ anon

⚙️ anon ! hi ! i can absolutely do this , im sorry it took a long time . i genuinely ended up LOVING these , and i hope you do too ! 

AYO LOOK AT THESE : reader who gets a period , mentions of cramps , usage of tylenol / painkillers of that sort , very very very fluffy feral boys content . i luv them .

reblogs are always appreciated ! <3

dream : 

would be incredibly worried :(

and unbelievably empathetic

he’s such a good fkn person in general ugh

“i don't know how it feels but i would imagine its … not good”

he would just want to keep you comfortable

“stay in bed, baby, i’ll bring [whatever] to you”

would go on pad/tampon runs for you

and wouldn’t be a pussy about it

“what size ? how heavy is your flow ?”

would call you while he was in the aisle to double check

and would get more than one box

“i know it fluctuates”

while he was out he would pick up some little gifts for you

just things to keep you comfortable

a blanket because “it looked soft”

some of your favorite chocolate

“did you know that chocolate produces endorphins ? which can help with cramps ?”

a little teddy bear

and would pick up some junk food for you

he’d move his stream to comfort you all night

“can i hold you ? will you still be comfortable ?”

would end up laying your head in his lap and running his hands through your hair

he’d do small , soothing actions until you fell asleep

and would be so still while you napped on him

clay would die if he woke you up

you’re his number one priority , and you need your rest

george :

sweet gogs would be . so concerned .

“... are you alright , my love ?”

would get pouty because you were irritated 

but would understand

he tries his best to help you in anyway possible

brings you water and tylenol

and would make you a snack to go with it

“you have to take it with food so your body can process it , darling .”

purchases a heating pack to keep at his house

and genuinely just tries to keep you as comfortable as possible

picks you up bridal style

to transfer you from couch to bed

and would be SO upset when you whimpered in pain

“did i hurt you , baby ? are you okay ?”

you’d try to explain that it wasn’t him at all

just your body working against you

but would insist on nursing you 

going as far to lift your water cup to your lips for you

“wanna make sure you’re taken care of , sweet thing .”

would bring you desserts and comfort foods

and would eat half

gogy would try to get you to nap

“your body is working so hard ! you need rest !”

and would be elATED when you fell asleep tucked against him

he’d run a hand up and down your back while you slept

trying to comfort you even in unconsciousness

sapnap :

trying his best

bless his little heart

would be incredibly concerned but very scared

not necessarily of you

but of you

wouldn't want to make you mad in any way , shape , or form

is worried that you’ll rip him to shreds

but is also v soft for you

doesn’t like seeing his s/o in pain :(

so he’d be very careful with you

won't give up his cuddles tho

would jump 10 feet into the air when you said “ow!” after he wrapped an arm around your lower tummy

apologizes incessantly

feels bad for the next week

would make you tea and warm drinks to help

and would diy a heat pack out of rice and a sock 😭

nick would NOT want to leave you alone

so he’d try to cook

and would do pretty well !!

would make you mac and cheese from the box

but it was so good

and would feed you oreos

he’d make you both milkshakes, too

karl : 

nurse karl™ is on the case

he would be the BEST at taking care of you

would have an entire period kit at his place

and would carry tampons/pads in a bag in his backpack just in case

karl knows you inside and out 

and has taken notes on what to do while you're on your cycle

stocks up on all your comfort foods the week before

makes sure you have plenty of supplies

he would make a movie lineup for the two of you to watch together

all cheesy rom coms and disney flicks

he’d sing all the songs to you

would make jokes about being your prince charming

karl would try to make you smile in any way he could

he would make you a comfy spot on the couch

with lots of pillows and blankets

“is it okay if i hold you ?”

would be s o gentle

barely touching you

“baby , i'm not made of glass”

“but i don't want to hurt you !”

would end up spooning

and karl would smother you with kisses

“gotta kiss it better >:(“

he’d keep you clothed in his big hoodies and sweatpants

and would make sure that you always had a warm towel when you got out of the shower

karl would run all the errands you usually did

and would bring flowers back from the store

quackity :

loml big q

god he would be so so so tender with u

he would go completley soft

because seeing you in pain just rips his heart to shreds

has the whole phantom pain thing

because yall are so fkn close w each other

wouldn’t leave you alone like ,,, ever

is so worried that you’re going to lose too much blood

you’ve tried to explain that your body regulates it to an extent

but he doesn’t care

he’d call your mom to ask for tips

and would follow all of them to a t , PLUS everything that he’d picked up on already

would make sure to keep you hydrated

gets gatorade “because you need electrolytes !”

he’d run you warm showers

and get you clean , soft clothes

would give you back and neck rubs to help with your muscles

alex would lay in bed with you all day 

he’d love when you napped on his chest

would set timers on his phone for giving you ibuprofen

“every six hours , my love .”

alex would 100% get midol and be so proud that he found it

finally makes a trip to the store on like ,,,,,, day 3/4

would take a picture the pads/tampons you use so he gets the correct ones

and would buy multiple boxes so you’d never run out

is incredibly comforting

does small tasks for you

brushes your hair and tries his best to braid it back

would make you foods that are high in iron

“you need it , baby , it’s for your blood”

but would follow it up with hot chocolates for the both of you

he’d sing softly to you until you fell asleep in his arms

and would press little kisses to your head

[peachdoxie]

So I decided to go to Walmart today (my first mistake) because I've absolutely been craving white cheddar cheese rice cakes and both Meijer and Kroger are sold out after I bought them all last week, and of course walking an hour both ways in the relatively cool Ohio summer of 77°F and twice that in humidity is the most logical choice. I check to make sure it's not going to rain on the The Weather Channel app, then grab my unintentionally-diluted gatorade and Cubs hat with the pride flag on it and head out.

Now, when I planned to leave it was mostly cloudy and I thought that would be fine, but the sun decided to show its sexy face and I spent most of the 2.6 mile walk limping in the sunshine since my right foot decided it was going to yell at me for putting weight on it, but I persevered and made it to Wallyworld in more or less one piece, albeit exhausted and with a headache building. I get half way to the grocery section before remembering I need a cart (I also want to buy flour) and wander my way to the front, then back to the grocery aisles. I eventually find the location where ideally there should be dozens of bags of white cheddar cheese rice cakes for me to purchase, but, alas—they have all the flavors but white cheddar cheese, and so I have to settle for white cheddar cheese poppéd cörn triangles instead. With my disappointing spoils of war, I hobble to the self-checkout and legally purchase my corn triangles and flour.

At this point I'm really feeling like crap and am totally dreading heading back out in the heat, so I plunk myself and my mostly-empty cart down at the Walmart Sbubby (eet freesh) and play around on my phone, hoping that taking a break off my feet in the aircon will help me stop feeling like crap. After sitting for a bit, I get up, push my cart to the exit, stare outside with a mounting sense of dread, return the cart, and then walk back inside to the Sbubby, wondering how long I can loiter before they kick me out, when my body finally decides to inform me that holy shit you need some more calories girl. Hmm, I think. Maybe this is why I feel like crap.

The problem is that I don't really want Subway—I've mostly forgotten/ignored there's an entire Walmart behind me, as any sane person should—because it's Subway, and also because I was hoping to stop by the Italian restaurant on the way home and get some spaghetti, since eating a Subway sandwich will make me not hungry for the very excellent spaghetti that I don't get the chance to eat since I only go to this area of town when I can justify walking an hour for something, which apparently includes white cheddar cheese rice cakes but not spaghetti. I'm wondering how much the Subway Sandwich Artist™ will judge me if I just get a six inch with nothing but cheese on it when my eyes fall upon what I instantly know will be my savior: a soft pretzel covered in butter and salt.

"One salted pretzel," I say, somehow coherent, "and a regular fountain drink" because I'd also like some soda because why not. The Subway Sandwich Artist™ obligingly gives me my pretzel, which I legally purchase along with the soda. I sit down with my ambrosia and nectar and immediately regret my decision: Hellworld's attempt to cool its firey pits is super loud and I am quickly descending into the sensory overload layer of hell. Luckily, this Subway has a back area where it is 2% quieter into which I can retreat. I do, I wipe off half the salt because I'm not a masochist, and begin consuming the pretzel.

While this is happening, I'm updating my friends on discord as to my situation, and I recall the time my sister passed out while on a hike in Albania because she got overheated and threw off her salt balance, and I think, hmm, this is probably what's happening to me. And sure enough, after eating the pretzel and downing the soda has made me feel better! Yay! I mean, I still feel like crap, but crap that can at least attempt to make the walk home. It's like an hour after I arrived to Walmart at this point and 45 minutes of that has been me in this Subway. I throw out my trash, pack up my things, and head to the exit.

It is now pouring down rain.

Curse you, The Weather Channel! I shake my fist at the sky. Curse you for lying to me! I trusted you! My tears rival the rain.

I am now faced with walking home in the pouring down rain, thus missing out on my spaghetti, or remaining in the Walmart Subway for even more time, despite my health bar being rapidly drained by proximity to the megacorporation's holy temple. I check the The Weather Channel app to see what they say, knowing they are untrustworthy, and see that it's supposed to rain for the next few hours.

Fuck it. I'm going to go buy a rain poncho to protect my flour and just sacrifice my shoes to the puddle gods since the sidewalks here range from "flat" to "expert mountain climbers only" and I know my feet will be soaked within five seconds of leaving the building. First, though, I want to use the toilet, but the one at the front is being cleaned, so I head to the back. Granted, I had to go there anyway since I figured the sporting goods area is the most likely to have a rain poncho.

I cannot find the rain poncho. I've been in this Walmart for over an hour and a half at this point.

I go back to the front in the off chance the seasonal picnic aisles might have one, cringe at the bountiful supply of American Patriotic Equipment, and eventually give up and ask the greeter lady where I can find a rain poncho. Aisle L24, aka one of the camping aisles in the back of the store. I've already searched there but apparently cannot read, because I find them this time, begrudgingly grab the blue since they don't make pink in the adult size, and return, once more, to the front of the store, where I legally purchase the poncho.

In the ten minutes it took me to decide to find the rain poncho and buy it, it's stopped raining and the sun is shining because of course it is.

[simonalkenmayer]

Hey Simon, my 21st birthday is coming up and since I cant go out I'm going to buy a bunch of 50ml bottles to try a whole bunch of different things. I like wine, and peanut butter whisky and do NOT like jack daniels🤢. What should I get so I can experience the most flavors of the most alcohols and also do you have an eggnog recipe?

1. Not a good idea to mix liquors. Humans have difficulty with that. I’d rather you buy two or three smaller bottles of good spirits to get the best

2. I would like you to first order a bottle of NAC or N Acetyl Cysteine on Amazon, and a bottle of blueberry juice. For the week before your birthday, I want you to take one capsule every day along with food and blueberries. This will fortify your liver and make it strong. I’d be even happier if you had liver before hand.

3. Have Gatorade, water, and either V8 or Clamato on hand. If you can manage pickles, cheese, and plain rice, I’ll be even happier.

4. If these demands are met, then you may try different types of alcohols, but I would be very cautious and try only a little of each, until you find one you like. For every shot or drink, drink a small cup of water.

5. I will give you a list of the alcohols I think everyone should know, but first, education (Spirits are distilled. Meaning something is fermented, and then it is boiled. The alcohol vapor rises up into the still and is collected. Then it is altered in many ways, and turned into types of spirits. What a liquor is, depends on what is fermented, how much the pure alcohol has been diluted, what additives are put in, and how it is stored. These four things affect the taste and make each one unique. In the case of some alcohols, even the thing burned to fuel the still matters)

Vodka—true vodka is made from fermented potatoes, and you can buy potato vodka and see what you think. It mixes well with fruit and savory alike. However, most vodka is made with grain, and so is the least interesting alcohol if bought cheap. It’s almost entirely good for nothing except mixing with other things to get “rekt”. This is also a spirit that is good for buying flavored versions of, for making cocktails. I like the marshmallow vodka as an additive to White Russians. I also use a few different ones for other drinks. I also make my own bacon vodka for Bloody Mary’s. Vodka is vaguely seeet and has the classic “this is alcohol” taste.

Gin—gin is essentially vodka that has been laced with many botanicals while passing through the still. The vapor moves through mesh layers on which the botanicals lay. The most dominant flavor is usually juniper berry, which has a lime and pine sort of taste. Gins can be simple or deeply complex. One of my favorites is St George’s distillery “botanivore” which contains 44 botanicals or Silent Pool. This goes very well with tonic water and lime, or sweet vermouth.

Rum— rum is made from cane sugar and has deep caramel and molasses notes. It can be bought quite god damn strong. I have some I use for flambé. It goes well with other seeet things like coke or root beer. But it can be drunk on its own.

Whiskey/whisky/bourbon/scotch—the several involved parties might try to hang me for limping these together as the profiles can be so different, but since the process is similar, I shall. All are made from some ratio of grains, distilled, and then stored in barrels. In the case of bourbon, it is a specific ratio of rye to grain or it cannot be called bourbon, and it must be stored in a brand new white oak barrel that has been toasted on the inside by fire. That is what gives it its color. Scotch used to have thistle in it. Hardly ever does now. Many are very “peated” or smoky and leathery. This comes from peat bricks used to fuel the stills. Jack Daniels is a bourbon, and is on the cheaper end. Most whiskey and bourbon tends to be sweet, caramel, and possibly smoky or hot (burning in the throat which can be good or ba. A “smooth” whiskey makes the burn less pronounced.) These go very well with orange flavors, apple, mint, and so on. Scotch ought to be drunk alone. It’s complexity demands it.

Brandy/cognac—brandy is made from distilling wine. cognac is a sort of high grade version of this. It can be sweet but dry and smooth in the mouth. Also best alone but can be turned into cocktails.

Tequila—made from distilling the blue agave plant. Sweet, an interesting smoky quality that is difficult to define. Goes very well with citrus, particularly lime, and salt. I put it in my fajitas. It has many types, and they range in strength and flavors.

There are other things like cremes: Irish creme, Creme de menthe creme de cacao Kahlúa, and so forth. There’s many many types of wine, liqueur additives with flavor profiles. A cocktail is just a mix of a main spirit, liqueurs, flavoring elements like zest or juice, and served in some special way.

I can give recommendations on all the alcohols here if you like. If I’ve forgotten anything, I’ll come back and edit. 

[sickviking-fr]

This is a long one, fellows. Buckle the fuck up.

Y'all know I only started this job two weeks ago and was all excited but it all went to shit day one. Well I got an offer from Walmart to start at a dollar more and I took it.

So last night was my last night at this grocery chain and I guess the universe knew it. The manager was happy for me so that was good, he'd been super nice and supportive for the few days since I gave him my resignation so I came in deciding I was going to give my all and do the best I could. I shot down four energy drinks because I knew it was going to only be me and one other on the shift and I was determined.

Those energy drinks took an hour to kick in but once they had I was WIRED and Manager appreciated it. About half an hour into the shift, Manager pulls me and the other guy (we will call him Jack for no reason) to the side, clearly high on caffeine himself, to give us the low down. He gives us a huge list of stuff to do and says he's sorry, its ordering night and he's all alone so he can't help us. And like, I get it, shit is the opposite of streamlined and efficient here, as you all know from my bitching, he's got a lot of work ahead of him. Jack and I have to do the work of 6 people and Manager has to do the work of three.

"Time is our enemy tonight, guys, we don't have a minute to spare standing around talking. lets get to it!" he finishes his speech.

Me, being out of my gourd on energy drinks, yell "NO BOSS! WE CAN'T ALLOW TIME TO BE THE ENEMY! LETS GO BOYS, WE'RE MAKING TIME OUR BITCH TONIGHT!" Manager punches me in the shoulder and says "Heck yeah, thats the attitude I wanna hear, why the fuck are you leaving me?!" and with that he's gone.

Now. When I said that, Time looked over at God and said "Hold my flower. No, hold my fucking flower! Who is making who their bitch? We'll see about that!" And God sayeth unto Time "Kick his ass babe, I got yo flower."

So my first task was to stock Gatorade and the energy drinks which I did in record time, taking only a half hour to do about two hours of work, working three pallets and condensing them down to one AND wrapping it up so Manager can swing by with the forklift and haul it off no questions asked. I'm feeling invincible. Next, me and Jack have to go stock water. He's exhausted, was up all day and feeling sluggish so not a whole lot of help tbh. Thats okay I'm running on four energy drinks and the high of imagining the boss begging me to stay, I've got this!

There's several pallets of various types of water container on the floor to be organized and stocked, and I'm on it like a fly on dogshit. In only fifteen minutes I put up a full pallet worth of gallons (Probably about 60-70 gallon jugs) before Time makes her move.

I don't know where Jack is, I'd sent him to move another pallet a while ago and he's not back yet. I move on to the 2.5 gallon jugs with spigots (Different brand but this same jug tbh) get about twenty up, only have four or five more that can fit on the shelf. Both hands are full of these heavy ass jugs, I lift one up onto the shelf and the spigot comes off. It just pops the fuck off. I drop the second in surprise and its spigot pops off. There's water pouring everywhere, I'm now soaked and panicking trying to gather up these jugs and get them turned in a way so they aren't pouring water everywhere and I am swearing profusely this whole time.

The wooden shelf is soaked, I'm treading water and Jack comes around the corner to see if I'm okay, sees me juggling water and starts laughing his ass off. We double team taking down all the water I just put up so I can mop the floor and the shelf. It takes the two of us over half an hour to dry everything and get the water back on the shelf.

Jack starts in on the 2 gallon bottles while I finish cleaning up. As I come back from throwing the broken containers in Claims, I see Manager has arrived with a fresh 5.5 foot high pallet of these 2 gallon waters (Its also vital to note that these come wrapped in plastic in packs of 6, which we are separating to sell individually), both are laughing, Jack is facing away from me doubled over with laughter.

"All I hear" He says "Is suddenly 'SHIT...SHIT SHIT! FUCK-SHIT FUCK!' and then just 'squeak squeak squeak'. His shoes sounded like Spongebobs boots!!" And at this point I realize my shoes are squeaking in the water but their shoes are not (I still do not know why...) As soon as Manager hears my squeaking shoes coming towards them, he also becomes consumed by giggles. Ha-ha, okay y'all shut up so we can carry on. I'm still trying to be impressive here! But I guess we are opening the water packs too slowly for Manager because he takes his special plastic cutting cutter and starts slicing open packs so we can just grab the jugs and throw them up.

EXCEPT HE'S NOT PAYING FUCKING ATTENTION! He cuts this one pack thats on the edge of the stack, three of the waters immediately start to fall over dragging the whole pack with it and now six, two gallon jugs come crashing onto my foot and also suddenly I'm wet again. Manager doesn't realize it hit my foot, but I shout and he says "Don't worry, its plastic they wont break." This phrase gets repeated ad nauseum the rest of the night to mock him.

"Well that would be great except they all fucking exploded!" he just looked at me stupid, then started swearing too. My foots fine, thanks for asking. Actually its not, my ankle is killing me as I'm writing this but whatever.

All six jugs broke open at the bottom seam and are now spewing fresh spring water onto my newly mopped floor, under the pallet and soaking into my shoes. Again. I'm running around trying to gather as much of these jugs as I can as fast as I can and get them to the sink. Again. Meanwhile my shoes are squeaking anew. Again. Jack cannot stay standing, what between laughing at Manager for busting open six gallons, repeating "It'S pLaStIc! iT wOnT bReAk!" and laughing at my squeaking footsteps running all around the two of them.

Manager has us leave the spilled water and stock, then when we are done he moves the pallet and sends the janitor over with the zamboni to clean up the water while sending us to fill up a display of cases of 24 bottled water other-where. Jack is now awake and still melting into fits of giggles every few minutes, and with his newfound energy he's tossing the cases up onto the display and then punching them into place instead of just putting them there. Toss a case, punch-punch-punch, flex, repeat. (Did I mention Jack is 18? What is it with teen boys constantly wanting to show off? Like bro who are you showing off to? Its literally just me and Manager here.) I keep telling him to knock it off but eventually, you guessed it, he pops a couple bottles.

Its already the four hour mark by the time we clean up all the water and get the rest of the packs all on the display. Smooth sailing from here on out, yeah? We're done with water, everything that needs to be on a shelf is on a shelf. It has to be easy from here. We think so anyway. It can't possibly get worse, we've still got shit to do! Innocently, we go to lunch and I chug down another energy drink. Okay so we are done stocking, its now time to face the shelves(AKA make them look nice). Manager sends me and Jack to the opposite ends of one isle, Jack arranging pickles and vinegar and I'm freshening up condiments. Suddenly I hear Jack yelling and cursing.

For several days, theres been a mystery bottle of vinegar by the Huntz that no one knows where it came from but also no one has bothered messing with. We've just been nudging it to look nice lined up with everything else and if someone buys it good if not, well it seems happy there. Its kinda shaped like this but plastic and not quite a gallon. It's filled full to the lid.

Jack decides to remove it today. He grabs it, lifts it about three inches, and the neck comes off. Just comes the fuck off. Its a perfectly clean separation at that seam where the neck connects to the body. The entire contents are now soaking into Jacks clothes from mid-chest to his shoes and puddled all over the floor. I rush over to see that he's okay and then go to get the mop for him. I can smell the vinegar from four isles away. It takes nearly another thirty minutes for him to get that properly cleaned up and then he has to take a break to change into his spare shirt because the smell is giving him a headache.

By the time he comes back, I've finished that isle and moved on to the cereal + juice isle and the store is now open. I tell him that he must have felt left out that Manager and I both made bigger messes than him with the water so he had to one-up us. This seems to make him feel better. Jack starts working juice while I'm tidying up the snacks and gummy candies. An older couple come up to me to ask about Rice Krispy Treats. I don't know where they are other than the ones I'm holding so I go to ask Jack. Poor Jack. I call out to him as he's kneeling in front of orange juice with both arms shoulder deep in the shelf and as he looks at me, for some fucking reason he squeezes his arms together in a hugging motion around maybe 8 jugs of juice.

Several fall into his lap and a customer must have gotten thirsty yesterday because someone took the cap off one jug and just left it there. Jack is now soaked chin to toes in orange juice. There is a looooot of swearing as I run over to check on him and then run off to get the mop and bucket from the back.

At some point the janitor had taken the mop from where we left it by vinegar and used it to mop up milk that the Dairy folks had spilled (so the bad luck wasn't just towards our crew, Time was taking her frustrations out on everyone). Anyway, the bucket is full of maybe four gallons of milk water and also the vinegar from earlier so it stinks but I don't have time to put fresh water in it because there are customers in the store now and the juice is a major slip hazard.

I'm pushing the bucket through the isles and I run over a drain like I do every day and thousands before me have done, except the drain cover decides TODAY IS THE DAY, NOW IS MY TIME. It kamikaze pops off and the bucket wheel goes straight in the hole, tipping the bucket over and spilling four gallons of stanky milk water every-fucking-where. Also, apparently this POS building wasn't built so that the floor sloped towards drains so the water is just flowing further and further out in every direction. Now I'm panicking trying to push as much of this water into the drain asap so I can get the bucket over to Jack so he can mop up the OJ. And I see the older couple are still waiting, toe tapping and pointing at their watches as soon as they see me. And then get all pissy that we didn't have any smaller packs of Rice Krispy Treats in yet.

Jack fucks off to the bathroom to dry as much as he can of himself while I do my best to hunt down the Janitor to send him and the Zamboni down juice, vinegar and the main pathway where the vinegar-milk-water spilled and is still stinking up the joint. Jack didn't come back for probably 40 minutes, I was honestly surprised he came back at all, I didn't think he was going to.

Manager has no idea any of this shit has happened because he's been darting off everywhere like a squirrel on coke doing his own thing. He's got the rest of those 2 gallon bottles from earlier on the fork lift and has us follow him to the frozen section. He wants us to add what's left to a display over there where we are selling the full 6-pack cases. He drops off the pallet and is gone before we can say anything. Jack, understandably, is beside himself pissed and starts literally throwing the water up onto the display and then punching them into position. Like, he's full force punching these things like gym equipment and chanting "It'S! pLaStIc! iT! wOnT! bReAk!". And of course, he pops two bottles. We still have 2 more hours of our shift left, plus 2 hours of mandatory overtime.

THANKFULLY, once we cleaned up that water the rest of the shift was uneventful, but it took forever because we were exhausted physically and mentally and pissed

[abyssaldyke]

Ollie really is the best person in the world and they make me feel loved every day but here are some highlights:

- I once had a very heavy box accidentally delivered to my old address and they went and got it without me even asking so I wouldn't have to Lyft out there after work

- we used to go to the movies a lot but we cant now bc of the pandemic so they decked out our apartment like a movie theater and bought a dvd of my favorite old rom com and made movie theater nachos and snacks and everything and I came home from a long day and just cried on the floor bc i was so surprised and happy.

-our apartment is on the fifth floor and our building has an awful cage elevator that won't go if the door is open and someone left it open on the sixth floor so when they got home before me, they climbed 6 flights of stairs to close the door so I would have the elevator when I got home.

-I got The Flu in college (before we were dating) and couldn't really eat or sit up for like 4 days and they exhausted their meal plan to bring me plain white rice and saltines and Gatorade and sat next to my bed to read to me even though I was like, delirious and stupid contagious

- last night, while I was drinking like a monster, they said 'I'm going to say I told you so when you get sick later' and then when I was sick later NOT ONLY did they not say I told you so but they PICKED UP my dumbass deadweight drunk body (I'm skinny but sort of tall and p much all limbs), pulled the covers back, picked me up AGAIN and tucked me in because I was shivering

I dont know guys, I've been obsessed with love my entire life but I never thought I'd find it or that it would feel like this. Every time I look at them I'm like it's you. There you are. I can do anything as long as you're there.

[befitnesshub1]

How Long Does It Take To Get Food Poisoning?

You get food poisoning from poisoned or polluted food eating or drinking with pathogenic viruses, bacteria, parasites, poisonous chemicals or toxins.  It doesn’t surely come from rotten or spoiled food.  It might come from the delicious food that was just improperly handled or cooked.

What is food poisoning?

We think of food poisoning or illness; it’s a broad term that includes more than 250 kinds of disease-causing bacteria, germs, including Salmonella, E. coli and rotavirus. Those germs can cause diverse degrees of nausea, diarrhea and vomiting, depending on several factors.

Infectious germs or their toxins can spoil food at any point of processing. The food is contaminated by bacteria that can also occur at home if food is incorrectly controlled or cooked.

What are the symptoms of food poisoning?

When you consume contaminated food and first experience symptoms, it could be anywhere from under one hour to one week.  Food poisoning symptoms depends upon the cause of the contamination.

As an example, symptoms of a bacterial disease linked to undercooked pork (Yersiniosis), can appear between four to seven days after eating the contaminated food.

Food poisoning symptoms vary that usually arise within one to two days of eating spoiled food. However, they may start between a few hours and several weeks later with the source of infection.

This mainly includes one or more of the following signs and symptoms:

Feeling Sick (Nausea)

Abdominal pain and cramps

Vomiting

High fever

Lack of energy and weakness

Loss of taste

Diarrhea

These sickness symptoms will last for a few days, and you will make a full recovery. Food poisoning usually affects the digestive tract and throat.

Types of food poisoning

Escherichia coli (E. coli):

E.coli is the leading cause of bacterial spread on beef. It poisoned the meat with feces during slaughter and spread mainly by undercooked beef. Other causes include unpasteurized milk and apple cider, alfalfa sprouts, and polluted water.

Enteritis:

Intestinal infection (enteritis) is an extremely common illness. You’ll need to avoid food for a while and start taking plenty of fluids. In most cases, the illness will pass in one to three weeks. If the symptoms come on suddenly, you should contact your doctor immediately.

Clostridium botulinum:

Botulinum spread on homemade foods with low acidity, improperly managed commercial foods, smoked or salted fish, potatoes baked in aluminum foil, and other foods kept at warm temperatures for too long. Clostridium perfringens commonly spread when serving dishes like soups and sauces don’t keep hot enough or chilled too slowly.

Anaphylactic Shock:

If you’re allergic to a particular food, you may develop a rough reaction after eating that food. Sometimes, you won’t even notice the problem to consider as mild food poisoning symptoms. You will have to tell that you’re allergic to any particular food before eating to avoid getting an attack.

You can minimize your exposure by staying away from that food as much as possible. That’s better than suffering an embarrassing reaction right in front of everyone at the party.

Related Article: Causes of Depression | Symptoms | Treatment and More

How long does food poisoning last?

As we told, more than 250 types of food poisoning. While the symptoms may be similar, the length of time it takes to get better differs. Depending on: what substance caused the contamination and how much of it you ingested?

Food poisoning recovery time depends on many factors. These factors include the amount of food ingested, your general health, severity of the problem, and your symptoms’ seriousness.

If you suffer only minor symptoms, you may be able to recover in a day or two. If you have severe symptoms, you may need a week or two. Sometimes, people recover within a day or two without needing medical attention.

You may be out of work for a couple of days. You may experience some discomfort after the initial signs of food poisoning. But, over time, you should be back to your old self.

However, in some cases where the illness is severe enough, the symptoms don’t go away for a few days. The best thing how to know if you have food poisoning, is to consult your doctor for more advice. Some medicines can help you recover faster.

How to prevent food poisoning?

You can avoid food poisoning by following the basics of food safety in your home:

Be sure to protect yourself if you will drink any water from rivers, streams or lakes.

Make habit to wash your hands after treating raw meats, using the toilet, or being around ill people.

Wash fruit and vegetables, even if you’re going to uncover them.

Don’t share a plate of uncooked meat, poultry, and fish with different foods.

Use separate cutting boards and knives for meat, poultry, and eggs.

Don’t use food that has passed its expiry date.

A bacterium multiplies fast between the temperatures of 40 ͦF (4 ͦC) and 140 ͦF (60 ͦC). So, you need to preserve food above or below that temperature range.

Use a meat thermometer for cooking. Meat, fish, and poultry should be cooked to at least the recommended temperature.

After marinating meat, please don’t use the remaining marinade without boiling it.

Refrigerate or freeze perishable food inside at least two hours. Frozen food should be melted in the microwave, or under hot water.

Keep yourself, hydrated! And, remember to throw away leftover food.

What does food poisoning feel like?

Viral gastroenteritis is also known as a stomach bug. It spread through viruses that most frequently include norovirus, rotavirus, and adenovirus.

The norovirus affects around 21 million cases of the stomach bug in the USA each year.  Other viruses such as astroviruses may also cause this condition. Stomach bug caused by a rotavirus or norovirus disease is extremely contagious.

In the United States, the infection most commonly occurs between October and April.  The most common way to spread this by knives or an infected food handler. You can also get the virus from contact with something somebody infected has touched that contains raw or contaminated meat, poultry, milk, or egg yolks having faeces, saliva, or vomit substance with the virus in it.

Diarrhea, intestinal cramps, nausea and vomiting, are the main symptoms of stomach bug.

Do you get a fever with food poisoning?

Viral or bacterial food poisoning can seldom cause fever. It’s best to focus on balance and high energy diet.  That would be rice, bread, rice pudding, applesauce, toast, bananas and chicken noodle soup.

You want to drink a lot of fluids, rather than just water.  Water is isotonic. Suppose you’re ill and you are losing plenty of water or having sweating and get a fever with food poisoning.

In that case, the best supplement is not exactly water.  It really should be a not-isotonic fluid.  That would be something with sugar, salt or electrolytes inside, such as Gatorade, broth, ginger ale or juice.  When you consume that sort of fluid, you usually keep it in your body to recover from fever. It’s less likely just to run off or go straight to your kidneys where you’ll urinate it out, or you have diarrhea.

It would be best if you stayed away from food that is harder to your digestive tract to digest, such as greasy, fried or spicy foods.

[lifewithchronicpain-original]

so I know you're not a doctor but you're one of the only chronic pain accounts I follow, and I'm trans guy and I want to be as sure as I can that something is wrong before I put myself in a situation I'll hate. When I'm on my period, I pretty much can't eat anything. I generally have a pretty bad appetite and a hyper metabolism that has kept me underweight for years, but when I'm on my period I get fevers and my appetite is completely gone, even for liquids. Is this normal somewhat?

For more clarification on the previous ask, it isn't just a lack of appetite, I also usually can't hold down what I do eat during that time of the month and I'm throwing up a lot. I've tried googling it and haven't found much on my situation in particular. The only thing that I can really handle is really cold stuff for some reason (I can suck on ice cubes and I can blend frozen fruit). My mom told me it's normal for her but she has an entire array of health problems and so do I. (Part 2)

I don’t know what is wrong, but that is not normal. My best guess is that your menstruation is fucking up some levels in your system. What levels, I don’t know. Can be iron, can be other things. I would see a GYN and I would recommend only seeing a female, I would never trust a cis man with my female organs ever.

Look into Pre-Menstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) I have it, it makes me suicidal before a period. It could have some anwers for you, I don’t know for sure, but it is somewhere to look.

The most common way to control severe periods is birth control. I take the depo shot and I haven’t had a period in years, it’s a beautiful thing. There are many options for BC and a thoughtful GYN will help you figure out the best one to use if you go that route.

Also, you said you don’t want to fuck it up more, is this because you plan hormone therapy? I would research as best you can what the HRT you plan can do to the female body. I wonder would less estrogen and more testorone actually make your periods better? That’s a good question and one you should ask all your doctors. If any other trans men have insight on how HRT affects periods, please feel free to comment.

Lastly, to get through the period itself until you can find an answer, try drinking ensure to keep your nutrition. Bananas, Apples, Rice and Toast are some of the safest foods to eat when nauseous. See if your doctor is willing to prescribe nausea meds. If nothing works, just focus on hydration. Pedialite (sp?) is marketed for children but anyone with severe dehydration can drink it. Gatorade works too. Just get yourself through it while you try to make it a thing you don’t have to get through.

I hope something in my advice helps but the biggest takeaway should be you’re definitely wrong for thinking it’s not normal. Your mother comes from a time when people ignored menstrual health and told every woman it’s normal without even checking. We now live in a time where you can see a female doctor with the same organs and issues you are dealing with. Take advantage of it, it can make all the difference on how seriously your issues are taken. Good luck, I wish you well. 💕

[atlfics]

Grocery Shopping- All Time Low Fanfiction

Jack picks up groceries for Alex. Word Count: 2169

More notes at the end. 

“Hello?” Jack asked into the phone, muting the show that was on the TV.

“Hey Jack, it’s Alex,” Alex said on the other line in a raspy voice.

“Oh, hey man, did you go to the doctor? Did they say you have the flu?” Jack asked.

“Well, no, they actually said that I tested positive for mono, which explains why I feel so wrecked,” Alex replied.

“Oh shit, I knew you were struggling the last few days of tour, but I didn’t think it’d be that bad,” Jack replied.

“Yeah, I’m glad we have a couple of months off from touring, I need to use all of that time to rest. I feel like I got hit by a truck,” Alex said.

“Damn dude, I’m sorry to hear that. Do you want me to come there and try to help you?” Jack offered.

“That’s actually why I called you. I really need some stuff from the grocery store, but I don’t have the energy to go, and I don’t want to spread this shit, anyway. If I texted you a list, do you think that you could go for me, then bring everything to my house?” Alex asked.

“Yeah man, absolutely. What store should I go to?” Jack asked back.

“Nowhere in particular, I guess. Maybe Kroger, it’ll probably be the cheapest. Oh, and I’ll pay you back for all of it,” Alex explained.

“Don’t worry about that. I’ll go to Kroger now, then head to your house. Don’t die on me while I’m out,” Jack joked, laughing some.

“No promises, man. I’ll send the list, thank you so much, Jack,” Alex replied, hanging up the phone. Jack put on his shoes, then grabbed his keys and wallet as he felt his phone vibrate. He saw a text from Alex, which was the list of things that he needed. It wasn’t very long, and it also wasn’t very specific, but Jack figured that Alex was too worn out to really elaborate on things.

He got in his car, then drove to the Kroger that was by his house. After parking, Jack went inside and grabbed a cart. He set his phone on the top part of it and pulled up Alex’s list.

The first thing on it was soup, and Jack decided that he should get some canned, and some that was fresher, since he was in the deli section of the store. He went to the cooler that had chilled soup, and grabbed a couple containers of chicken noodle, and made a mental note to himself to grab cans when he got to that part of the store.

The next thing on the list was crackers, so Jack went a few aisles up before finding a shelf stacked high with crackers.

“Hm, generic or name brand?” Jack asked himself as he looked at the shelf. After a minute, Jack decided on the generic ones, because the box had a cute cartoon on it.

Next, there were some drinks on the list, so Jack went to the next aisle over. Once he parked his cart, Jack grabbed the case of ginger ale that Alex had requested. Next, he went to the sports drinks. Alex had said to only get a few bottles, but Jack grabbed two different flavored twelve packs, and put them into his basket. He knew Alex really liked Gatorade when he felt bad, so he figured that getting extra would be smart.

Next on the list was rice, so he went to the part of the store that had a bunch of different kinds of rice, and immediately felt very overwhelmed.

“Since when are there so many types of rice?” Jack mumbled to himself. He went to Google what kind of rice was best for sick people, but his service wasn’t working great, so he decided to figure it out by himself. He saw a fifteen pound back of brown rice, and decided on that, since it sounded healthy. He also picked up a box of Spanish rice, figuring that Alex could have it once he felt a little better.

He went a bit farther up the aisle and saw the cups of instant mac n’ cheese. It wasn’t on Alex’s list, but it was just pasta and milk powder, surely it’d be fine. He grabbed ten cups of the Star Wars macaroni, knowing how much Alex loved those movies.

The next aisle up was all of the canned food, making Jack remember that he needed to get more soup. He looked at all of the options and felt more overwhelmed than he did when he was looking at the different kinds of rice. He grabbed more cans than he could count, unsure of what Alex would want and be able to eat.

The next things on the list were tissues and straws, and Jack figured that these things would be close together in the store. He walked a little further, then found the aisle with all of the paper products.

“These are perfect,” Jack said, smiling as he put a pack of tissues covered in cartoon guitars into his cart. The straws were down the next aisle, and Jack picked the bright neon ones, hoping the color would brighten Alex up some. Next to the straws were the fire logs and starter sticks, and Jack thought that Alex might want to have a warm fire, since it was February in Baltimore.

The last two things on the list were a couple of different medicines, and a thermometer. He made his way to the pharmacy area of the store but got distracted when he passed by the frozen desserts. He saw a bunch of popsicles, and grabbed some, knowing that Alex usually liked them when he was under the weather.

After this, he picked up all of the different kinds of medicine that Alex asked for, then went to where they kept the thermometers. Jack found some normal ones, but then found a kid’s one with a dog on it, and decided on that one, laughing as he put it into his cart.

He started to walk to the cash registers, but got sidetracked as he passed the seasonal section, that was currently decked out in pink hearts for Valentine’s Day. He noticed all of the stuffed animals and got an idea. After looking through all of them, he found a stuffed dog that had hearts on the paws, and put it into his basket, thinking that Alex could use a buddy to help keep him company.

Deciding that he was done shopping now, he went to the self-scan machines, and scanned everything through. He paid about forty dollars for everything, which he decided wasn’t too bad, considering how much he’d gotten for that price. He put all of the bags in his car, then put the basket in the return in the parking lot.

After a short drive, he arrived in Alex’s driveway. There were only a few bags, so he was able to get them all inside in one trip. He pulled out his copy of Alex’s house key, deciding that Alex would probably be too weak to get up and answer the door.

When he walked in, he heard gags coming from the living room. He set the bags down by the door, and quickly walked in the direction of the sound. He finally walked into the living room, and saw Alex on the couch, under a few blankets, holding a hand to his mouth as he continued to gag. Jack noticed that the waste basket by the door was empty, so he grabbed it and ran it over to Alex.

“Hey man, use this,” Jack said, helping Alex sit up some. Jack started to rub Alex’s back as he continued to gag over the wastebasket. After a few minutes, Alex stopped after not getting sick. Jack put the wastebasket on the floor next to him, and helped Alex lay back down on the couch.

“I’d ask you how you feel, but I guess that was pretty telling,” Jack said, sitting on the other end of the couch.

“Sorry you had to deal with that right as you walked in. I’ve been having waves of nausea all day,” Alex replied.

“Don’t apologize, I came here to help you. Have you actually gotten sick at all?” Jack asked his friend.

“Thankfully, no. I feel so weak that even if I did, I probably wouldn’t even be able to get up and go to the bathroom,” Alex replied.

“Oh damn, you are really sick,” Jack said.

“Mono isn’t a joke, it fucking sucks,” Alex said with a cough.

“It seems like it. Oh, let me get all of the stuff I bought for you!” Jack exclaimed. He got up and grabbed all of the bags he’d put by the door and brought them into the living room.

“Did I really ask for that much?” Alex asked, surprised by how many bags he was seeing.

“Well, no, but I picked up a few extra things,” Jack replied.

“I see. Did you get the thermometer? I want to take my temperature,” Alex requested.

“I did, let me find it,” Jack replied. After looking through a couple of the bags, he found what he was looking for, and gave it to Alex.

“A dog? Isn’t this for kids?” Alex asked with a laugh.

“I thought it was cute and that it might cheer you up some,” Jack replied.

“It certainly did, thanks, Jack,” Alex said, turning it on.

“100.8, not too bad, I guess. What else is there?” Alex asked.

“This bag has all of the medicine you asked for. As far as soup goes, I got you some of the chilled stuff from the deli, and I also got you some in cans. There were a lot of options,” Jack explained.

“I’m glad you got a lot, I don’t plan on going to the store anytime soon,” Alex replied.

“Next, neon straws to brighten you up some, and tissues with guitars on the box, because it’s literally perfect for you,” Jack said with a smile.

“I love that, thanks man. What’s in the big sack?” Alex asked, pointing to a bag on the floor.

“Well, I didn’t know which rice you wanted, so I got a fifteen pound bag of brown rice, and a box of Spanish rice that I thought you could have once you were feeling a bit better,” Jack explained.

“I’ll never have to buy rice again,” Alex said with a laugh.

“Not a bad thing! So, these things weren’t on your list, but I got you instant mac n’ cheese and popsicles. I don’t know if you can or even want to eat them, but you’ll have them to look forward to for when you’re better, at the very least,” Jack stated.

“I’m too cold for popsicles, but I’ll have them when I can. I love the Star Wars noodles, but I can’t really eat that yet, but I’ll definitely be looking forward to them,” Alex said, smiling. Jack ran the popsicles to the freezer, then came back to continue his haul.

“Oh, so I also got you starter logs. I figured that you’d be cold and would enjoy a fire to warm up to some. We can make one today, or whenever,” Jack explained.

“I’m freezing my ass off, so I really like that idea. What’s in the last bag?” Alex asked.

“Oh, so I want to be here to take care of you as much as possible, but I figured that you could use a buddy for the times that I’m not. They have all of the Valentine’s stuff out, so I got you this,” Jack said, giving Alex the stuffed dog.

“I love this, thank you, Jack. I was feeling a bit lonely earlier, so this is really awesome. How much do I owe you for all of this?” Alex asked.

“Nothing,” Jack replied.

“Nothing? Dude, I don’t want you to pay, I’m the sick one who needed all of this, I don’t want to burden you with the cost of everything,” Alex replied.

“Alex, don’t worry about it. Like I said, I want to help you and take care of you, and this is part of that. It wasn’t even that much, anyway. It’s on me, don’t stress about it,” Jack insisted.

“Well, if you’re sure. Thank you so much,” Alex replied.

“No problem. Want me to make a fire?” Jack offered.

“I’d love that,” Alex replied. Alex snuggled his new toy as Jack quickly made a fire. Once he was done with the fire, Jack sat on the end of the couch, and scrolled through the TV menu, selecting an episode of South Park.

“Thank you for all of this, Jack,” Alex said with a cough.

“Absolutely, if you need anything, just let me know. For now, focus on getting better,” Jack replied. They exchanged smiles, then started to watch their show, happy to be with each other.

A/N: Hey guys! So, I've had this story written for about two months now, and I wrote it because of my job! I'm a cashier at a grocery store (Kroger specifically), and I came up with this idea during a super boring shift. I have a super personal story going up tomorrow, it's about something that really shaped me into who I am, and I'm nervous in a good way to share it with you! It's similar to Drug, in the sense that it's my exact experience, but through ATL. I hope you guys liked this story, and please send in requests if you have them!! Lots of love, Liv.

[uglypaw]

i'm 6 weeks post op as of yesterday! heres my full diary for the first week post op that i wrote during recovery if anyone wants to know what my experience was. CW: blood, surgery, drugs, unsanitary, self harm. if you have any other questions im happy to answer them!

sorry for how long this is lol--

june 21 friday (surgery day)

i'm writing this a few days later but here's how i remember it--

i checked in to the empty office and the copay was $10. the receptionist had me sign a form so that they could call my dad once my surgery was over and he gave me a plastic medical bracelet with my info on it. we hung out in the waiting room for about 10 minutes before i was called in by a nurse. she asked me if i had to pee (i did) and asked if there was a chance i could be pregnant (there wasn't). this nurse was very apathetic and had a very flat voice. i didn't like her.

she had me go to a bed with a gown and a bag for my stuff on it and instructed me to change with the curtain drawn. i did and hung out for about 10 minutes for her to come back, and then she had me lie down and covered me with a blanket and went over my medical record and what meds i was taking and stuff like that. while she was doing this, a male nurse came by and gave me a bunch of painkillers to take with a cup of water(i almost choked on them), and put in my IV on my hand, which was the most painful part. he said i have thick skin on my hand and he really had to push. at this point i got kinda lightheaded hearing him say that but i calmed myself down after a bit.

they called my dad back in and another nurse told me it would be about an hour before the surgeon came to see me. we hung out and played with the monitors on my blood pressure and heart rate and O2 and stuff and made jokes about writing messages on my torso for the surgeon to see when i was under. during the entire time waiting for surgery i was super hungry and wanted to hurry up so i could eat afterwords.

after about an hour the surgeon came by and marked me up, which was kind of uncomfortable because the markers he used were sharp. he held conversation the whole time and was very friendly and charismatic. he went over the marks a bunch of times, and had tentative places marked for my nipple grafts.

he told me the right side was larger than the left so the incision would have to be a bit longer, but since i'd lost weight the incisions were going to be very minimal either way.

after he marked me up he left me again and i asked another nurse to use the bathroom and i got a heated blanket. the anesthesiologist came by and he was funny and casual and alleviated any anxiety by explaining what meds he would be using on me (don't worry about the pain, i prescribe A LOT!!!) and he left once more and another nurse (OR helper) double checked what procedure i'd be doing on the computer, and she told me they would ask me the same questions again once we were in the OR to double confirm. (this ended up not happening because i passed out pretty quick.)

they came by again and confirmed the OR was ready for me, and the anesthesiologist gave me two shots into my IV of some warm liquid and told me i'd be feeling it pretty quick because they were strong (he was right, within a few minutes i was feeling loopy and warm. i was worried i'd have a panic attack about the meds taking effect so fast but it was nice). my dad filmed this part.

they came by about 5 minutes later and said they were ready so they had my dad go back to the waiting room and wheeled me to the OR which was a tiny room with a lot of machines and bright lights and white walls. i remember thinking it looked nothing like it did on TV. they had my name on a whiteboard on the wall. they introduced me to some of the new people i hadn't seen before but i was pretty out of it by then so i wasn't paying too much attention.

they had me scoot over from my hospital bed to the surgery table, and had my arms out to the sides crucifix style. i thought this was really funny and made a note to remember it after surgery.

i recall a few more moments of them rechecking my charts but then the next thing i remember is coming out of anesthesia and seeing my dad and the lights overheard being really bright. someone took off my oxygen mask but i think i was having trouble waking up so they had to put it back on so i would breathe.

they tried to sit me up too fast and i almost passed out so i was given water and gatorade (that i brought from home) and they very slowly raised my bed. my throat was really sore during this time and i remember the gatorade burning as i drank but it was better than the water.

coming out of anesthesia was long and i remember being irritated at it taking so much time and making everyone wait for me. i was also the second to last person in the recovery room (there was a lady next to me coughing a lot, the nurses were saying she was a handful).

my dad told me the doctor told him it was a super easy surgery and it made a difference that i was "lean". he said i might not have fluid in my drains by monday (surgery was on friday) but they wanted to be absolutely sure that i wasn't draining anymore before taking them out.

we talked with the nurse for a while as i caught my breath and could sit up again, and my dad ran to the pharmacy downstairs to pick up my muscle relaxer meds before we left. the nurse talked to me about my transition and stuff like that. i didn't mind because i was still pretty out of it.

when my dad came back they got me a wheelchair but made sure i could stand and could walk to the wall without falling. i was pretty weak but made it steadily. i was surprised how mobile i was. my dad helped me get dressed but i didn't need much assistance.

my dad pulled the car around the front while the nurse wheeled me down to him, and we chatted as we went. the whole hospital was empty and it looked closed. he pulled my chair right up to the car and helped me in, and we thanked him a few times before leaving. he kept repeating if there was any issue with drains coming out to come back to this hospital.

the drive home was fine, and when we got back my dad insisted on taking the dogs out so i could get out of the car. he helped me out and eased me inside to my room. my mom gave me soup though i wasn't too hungry. i chilled in bed for a few hours before falling asleep and my dad showed everyone how to empty the drains. my mom was grossed out but not too much.

i ended up eating about half an edible to help me fall asleep and manage some of the discomfort, but i could have done without it. i had to pee a LOT during the night because of how many IV bags they'd given me. right when i came out of surgery they told me it was good i was dehydrated because it meant i had followed the instructions on not drinking nor eating since midnight the night before.

i was a little worried about wiping myself but my arms were very mobile and i could do it no problem.

i took a bit of tylenol but none of my prescriptions because the pain was very manageable.

sleeping on my back was the hardest part as i was supposed to be sitting up, and my neck was killing me even with my travel pillow. my butt was also really sore so the next morning i made an effort to walk around a bit. having a big squishy pillow under my butt while i slept also helped with the soreness and by day two it was fine. i stretched my legs a lot and tried to lay down as little as i could.

june 22, saturday

morning after surgery

night 1 wasn't great! i woke up a lot to go pee and it was uncomfortable laying sitting up. my neck ended up hurting a lot from the travel pillow. this morning brutus wanted to be with me so bad and i felt bad sleeping without him. i had to maneuver him around so he was on my lap and not my chest because he wanted to be close.

my incisions hurt a bit but it's not unbearable. it feels like the night after i made a big self harm cut, stings and i don't want to jostle them.

the rice krispy definitely helped last night with pain and relaxation and falling asleep, and i'm surprised it didn't give me anxiety or a bad dream.

i don't like sleeping on my back. i woke up around 3 to pee and didn't get back to sleep until almost 5. i was thinking about food to eat the whole time.

i really want ihop pancakes and syrup.

i'm getting little sharp shoots of pain on parts of my chest but they're not too bad and hopefully they mean i'm healing. i'm hopeful they're where my nipples are.

i really should have brought cough drops to the hospital, my throat was very sore after intubation.

i feel electrodes still stuck to my upper chest and i want them off, they're irritating. (i ended up peeling them off a few hours later)

it's still tough to pee but i've been taking short walks around the house to stretch my legs. i. get tired easily so they don't last more than a few minutes. still haven't taken any of my prescribed pain meds, but the pain is getting worse i think. people are telling me the pain will get worse tomorrow.

i've been vaping thc and taking tylenol to manage the pain and they make me sleepy so i've been taking 2-2.5 hour naps and then getting up to pee and snack. 

i took a norco pill in the afternoon but i dont think i needed it. i didn't feel much of an effect from it at all, but it did make me sleepy. that evening i went for a bit of a walk around the front yard.

june 23, sunday

i didn't sleep very well again last night but it was better than the day before. i think having a soft pillow under my butt helped with the soreness and i didn't need the travel pillow as much as i did yesterday with my naps. i still woke up disoriented a lot from my 2 hour naps

i stayed up till like midnight and then just passed out from exhaustion so i didn't wake up very much during the night to pee. this morning i woke up very refreshed but feeling gross physically. i cleaned out my own drains, had papa clean my shoulders and put on my testosterone, and megan dry shampoo my hair. i still haven't pooped but i'm not making too much of an effort. j think i'll take laxatives today.

thus far the pain isn't too bad. last night i had little twinges of sharp pain along my sides near my armpits but haven't had any since. taking deep breaths is getting harder because the incisions are getting more sore and my back is hurting from the binder.

this morning when we drained my drains one of them had barely anything in it which is good

update: i did poop a bit. i've been peeing a lot today.

i haven't napped at all but my arms are getting painful from being squeezed from the binder.

having that shower in a bottle has helped keep me feeling fresh and clean. i may take a sponge bath sometime this week. hygiene is keeping me feeling good, i brushed my teeth and washed my face with actual soap earlier which helped me feel good.

june 24, monday

i'm very sleepy today. i washed myself again with the shower in a bottle and i woke up itchy. i took a long nap in the middle of the day and i'm still pretty out of it and tired. i woke up last night only twice to have diarrhea from the ex lax chocolate papa got me yesterday.

i didn't have a lot of fluid in my drains this morning but it was more than yesterday.

my right drain keeps coming undone. i took another nap today and once i woke up i saw it was completely inflated. i fixed it pretty easily but it's strange it keeps happening.

ive been having binding pains a lot today from being compressed so tight. it hurts mostly when i stand up.

i gave myself a sponge bath today and washed my hair in the sink! i think that activity drained me because afterwards i took a 2 hr nap. i keep feeling like i'm sleeping a lot but all my naps are quite short.

june 25, tuesday

today i had a bit more pain where the drain sites are. it stings and burns a bit but it's not unbearable, just very uncomfortable. it happens regardless of the arm positioning.

i'm getting a lot more tingling/pins and needles over my chest but my actual incisions don't hurt. my ribs and back are killing me from the binder soreness, and i've been tired but not enough to sleep. every time i get up it kind of resets the pain so i'm trying not to adjust a lot.

i feel like i've been eating a lot of crap the past few days so im trying to be more mindful about eating more protein and less refined sugar

also, my chest was very itchy so i put my hand down the front of my vest to scratch it and i couldn't feel anything. it felt like when a limb falls asleep too hard to even be pins and needles and just turns numb. it made me uncomfortable so i only did it a few more times.

i have less energy to walk today than i did yesterday, but not tired enough to sleep. i'll definitely take more of the sleepy antihistamines to sleep tonight.

june 26, wednesday

not much new stuff to update on today. i took two norco pills because one didn't do anything and i almost passed out, i got super lightheaded and nauseous and had to lie down for a while to let my brain catch up.

we took the dogs on a walk to the gate and my chest felt weird walking but not in a totally bad way, i just had to go a little slower so i didn't jostle anything.

i'm so excited for friday! i can't wait to get my drains out.

pain has been pretty minimal today though i did take a few naps. i haven't smoked today at all because i wanna keep my brain clear and save my weed and there hasn't been a huge difference in pain.

my muscles feel very good today and it doesn't hurt to stretch my shoulders and reach for things as much.

drain sites are still very itchy and kinda sore. not a lot of fluid but i noticed the right side hasn't been inflating as much! i think it just needed to be milked and cleaned better.

june 27, thursday

the pain has been the worst today by far. i was draining a lot and found out that exercise or excessive movement will cause more drainage, and i did go on a longish walk yesterday with my mom and the dogs. i ended up taking tylenol, flexeril, hit my pen, and had the rest of the rice krispy treat just to dull the pain. it's starting to go away now but i'm still getting like stinging throbs and aches where my drains are. i'm definitely taking painkillers before we go tomorrow!!

i'm worried the excess drainage means that they'll want me to keep the drains in longer. i rally hope not, they're the one thing causing me pain.

i looked at my chest this morning and last evening and there's a little blood bubble inside the plastic they taped me up with on my left side. i can see my chest too, with all the surgeon marks and the edges of the incisions. it does look like he curved under the pec muscle. i was expecting straight line incisions, though i'm sure i'll warm up to it.

i've been very weak and light headed today, and when i stand up i need to take a minute to let the stars go away out of my vision.

june 28, friday

today's the day! we're leaving soon to go to kaiser for my one week post op. i really hope they take the drains out despite the spike in fluid i had the other day from going on that walk.

i'm very tired today and feeling very lazy. usually i want to bathe in the mornings but today i feel so gross i don't want to do anything. i managed to get myself out of bed today to do my laundry but that's as much work as i could manage.

later; they ended up not taking the drains out because of the spike in fluids from going on a walk the other day. they want to be 100% sure that there's less than 20mg over two or three days so i'm making an appointment for monday.

Monday update: got the drains out. Completely painless and not uncomfortable -- didn’t have much sensation in the area and the nurse distracted me so I didn’t notice her removing them. The worst part was her cleaning the area with alcohol beforehand. 

[ghosttrolls]

Food Discourse

Okay here’s the deal. We’re all reblogging posts and sending each other asks and dms about this so here it is. I’m gonna make a masterpost of the food I’ve seen mentioned and say my opinion on each one and then anyone who wants to can answer once and for all, their opinions on this stuff

Oatmeal: not my favorite. kind of weird, but i’ve eaten it before and i might again

Mustard: great! the only condiment provided at barbecues that i’ll even consider consuming.

Ketchup: SUCKS. the least valid.

ranch: sucks

Barbecue sauce: sucks. second to last in terms of validity

Mayo: gross. gross. tied for second to least valid

Rice and/or pasta cooked in Gatorade: eh. it’s just blue now

Onions: delicious. put em in a sandwich! cook them in butter and drizzle that over your potatoes! slice one up and eat it raw! it’s all good!

Raw vegetables: okay, I guess.

Lettuce and cucumbers: don’t like lettuce and cucumbers are also invalid. sorry. they’re just crunchy water.

Cooked vegetables: fine with seasoning or with rice or in a soup. typically plain is boring and mushy

Olives: gross. smells gross, tastes gross.

Popcorn: fantastic. i make it all the time. along with Cheez-its, i eat it using chopsticks quite often to keep my hands clean

Wendy’s Frosty and fries together: a delicacy. don’t even think about eating those fries plain

Sour cream: a good condiment; typically with mashed potatoes or potato chips or quesadillas.

Yogurt: the act of eating it makes me feel like I’m physically dying. i’d say it’s okay but i feel so bad while eating it, i don’t even know why, it tastes fine and afterwards i’m fine

Tomatoes: gross on their own and i can’t eat them or anything containing them anyway, except for salsa. it’s the literal only exception. any other tomato product makes me feel like im dying for several hours at least. i have to order pizza without marinara sauce

Lemons and limes: good on everything, good on their own, just bite into a lemon, i don’t care. i’m great at making lemonade and if you say my previous opinions make me an unreliable source tell that to the 50 bucks and empty pitcher of lemonade in one day of me selling my hand-sqeezed, sweet and tart lemony goodness in my ghost town of a neighborhood

Pineapple: bad on pizza, good on its own. I’ve bought a fresh one at the store, sliced it up, and eaten the whole thing in one sitting before. a delicious fruit

Pickles: juicy, but with flavor, instead of its watery predecessor. the superior stage of the cucumber.

Cream cheese: i love the stuff. as a kid i used to just eat if off a spoon. eat it on a bagel, mix it into mashed potatoes, sweeten it and throw it on a cake. it’s good - just don’t put it on popcorn.

Plain Cheerios and banana: do not combine these. it’s a regretful mistake that’s haunted me since i was 2 years old

Juice boxes: the ultimate way to hydrate oneself. just suck back five of these and you’re good to go. why is this even under consideration

Milk: i can’t drink it on its own. it physically repulses me to try, even though I’m not actually lactose intolerant. as adults humans aren’t really supposed to drink the stuff anyway - at least, we weren’t.

@what-is-love-babey-dont-hurt-me is the most valid from what i’ve heard so far but why don’t we get @ceciliaspen @d-o-t-s and @voidetrap in on this too since y’all are the ones that come to my mind as the most vocal in all this Phandom Phood Discourse

if you wanna use this list for anything please go ahead