#which is fine she learned A LOT
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ssreeder · 2 years ago
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i dont feel like discording right now so your getting this here instead.
what the fuck was that
i mean it was amazing in the sense that your an incredible writer and you captured all the traumatic shit perfectly and whatnot but still whatthefuck
you are just trying to completely trying to isolate sokka arent you?
Like its zukos turn to get some type of emotional support (even if it is by iroh 🙄😒) but atleast its there. But Sokka is just pushing everyone away.
i mean i dont blame him for lying, i probably would to in this situation.
and i dont think either of them are in the wrong this chapter, like i think they both have every right to be as angry as they were in this chapter (esp sokka bc katara is acting a tad bit shady)
surprisingly i dont want to strangle iroh this chapter. so that was a weird expierience (actually semi enjoying reading him)
Its like your trying to murder us all but like,, in a very artistic and lovely way.
because liab is horrific (affectionate) and stuff but its also really good and i love it.
i think you should let sokka go batshit and actually attack someone (preferebly iroh) but just my thoughts .
i still dont forgive you for the whole shen situation. i think about that atleast once a day. ive never had a fanfiction haunt me and i didnt even like shen that much but did you care? No you ripped my heart out. (idk what im saying here)
on a different note
you always do such a good job at capturing trauma and the effects of it. also the longevity of it. like as much as i hate reading sokkas slow descent into madness its also very nice and i love it. and as much as i hate seeing zuko tortured over and over and over and over again (leave him alone jfc) its war and its accurate for a prince that got turned over into the wrong hands (of course, who at this point is the right hands for him at this point since sokkas a litttle bit insane and ozais obiously a douche bad and irohs a twit). (i feel like your really trying to push the whole 'iroh is the best thing for zuko rn' thing and while i very reluctently agree, i still dont like iroh. he'll never get my approval).
I got off track.
anywho
even though its taking so long for both of them to actually be maybe sane, i think the little bit (we might) get by end of liab will be worth it because its taking so long??? idk.
i want to say i trust you with that but i dont
is it going to be perfectly executed? Yes. Definitely.
is it going to be happy? Who knows.
i think thats all for now
if your having trouble following my train of thought so am i but its your fault so.
the last portion was intended to be nice idk if it came across that way.
I’m not trying to isolate Sokka! He is doing a damn good job of that without any effort from me.
Katara & Sokka we’re just doing what siblings do, fight. But one is exhausted and emotionally drained and the other is in fight mode and ready to cut anyone down (even if it’s accidentally his little sister)
Shens death was sad, but he was laid to rest soooooo…. Positive moments??
Awwww thanks for the compliment - I’m glad you enjoy the way I capture the longevity of trauma because it’s not going away but time & support will help them heal slowly. Although after what they experienced they will never be “back to normal”
There will be a happy ending for those of the characters that survive, but there will always be lasting trauma. It doesn’t just ‘go away�� unfortunately.
Your ask was really sweet I’m surprised!! I feel warm & fuzzy MAXXXX!!!! you’re amazing. & I’ll make sure to stuff liab full of iroh content JUST. FOR.YOU. <3 (& Zuko cause he needs his uncle right now)
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mulders-too-large-shirt · 4 months ago
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s4 episode 4 thoughts
woohoo!! it feels, again, like our separation has been so long, but it has been about… 3 whole days. oh, how i miss the earlier months in which i had time to post episode thoughts every day… 
this episode sounds interesting!!! no idea how someone’s thoughts could be captured on film, but we do a lot of disbelief suspension around these parts, with varying levels of success.
wait. hold on. i just saw the description for the episode after this one. what the hell is mulder getting himself into with that. do we need more mulder ex lore? i don’t need that. it doesn’t make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 
putting aside my many questions on that matter to focus on what is here in front of us.
(author’s note post-episode: …. woaghhh. scully…)
in all honesty, having processed my thoughts, i think this one was just a LITTLE bit too intense for me. which i recognize is okay, and to each their own. but i need to speak my Truth.
liveblogging commences below 
we begin with this sketchy looking dude, who is being rude as hell to a woman putting on lipstick before getting a passport photo taken. god forbid a woman want to serve… then he says to act natural while not acting natural himself. HYPOCRITE!
she goes in for a passport photo and…. she left her money in the car! she must return to this unfortunate man and go get it. but someone is following her…. 
he did something to her… and she gets back to the car to “billy”, but someone did something to him, too!! he appears to be dead and bleeding from the ear!! then she falls to the ground and tries to crawl to safety, but the mystery man in the yellow rain jacket comes back for her…. 
and the man in the photo store looks at the passport photos, but despite taking just a standard headshot, he sees the woman’s dying face in the images!!
oh. that is an unpleasant day on the job for such a nice seeming man.
this intro always makes me laugh... i’m sorrrrryyy the ufo pictures just remind me that this show is fundamentally unserious 
scully and mulder are rolling up to a town in michigan, while he asks her for any thoughts on the case. it appears this woman was abducted three days ago. and billy was punctured in the brain. yuck.
okay, so her name is mary. and this poor pharmacist…. he has to take people’s pictures, and give them drugs, AND deal with this nonsense 
they are at the pharmacy where the “druggist” (they keep using that term which i have never heard before) is showing them his camera, which he keeps under lock and key, and i notice he has some fun candy in the background. but i assume things are not fun at this time for him. 
scully wants to see the camera, and mulder takes a step back to let her pass. it kinda looks like he does that thing where he touches her back, but it’s hard to tell. and once again for all readers, that thing where men touch your back is only attractive when it’s mulder to scully and not between some randos!
scully notices something on the pharmacist’s foot, and also that the film is out of date. she is always noticing things. one of her many lovely qualities. 
mulder calls the pharmacist “bruno hauptman” and i don’t get that reference so i do what i do best: go to wikipedia. oh! bruno is the guy that was executed for kidnapping the lindbergh baby. i don’t know why i thought that mystery was unsolved. i guess it’s because the article is saying it was a heavily criticized and debated case. huh, a mystery for another time.
anyway, mulder is saying this all tauntingly with his stupid beautiful mulder smile, but scully is saying yeah, this nice old pharmacist doesn’t look like a usual suspect.
but she does point out that the film has heat damage, and a heater is right there… “so you think that would make it look like she posed screaming for a passport photo?” <- LMAO MAN LET HER FINISH
BAHAHA she is onto nothing 🔥🔥 
“plus, the film is two years out of date” “oh” the- the photographic chemistry could have changed” (mulder nodding) “uh-huh” “the- the dyes fade… they… alright, what’s your theory?” <- BAHAHA love that… you have to admit when you don’t know wtf is going on! i had full confidence she would pull something out of her science-y brain, but sometimes you just don’t know!
(this stupid scene had me giggling, as did her face of resignation)
mulder seems to ALSO have no idea wtf is going on, but as they discuss this, a police officer walks in and says they might have wasted the agents’ time…. what does that mean? did they figure it out that quick?
back at the house of the victims, they meet a postal inspector. okay!!! that’s fun and different. and i pause to write this down, and scully is SO beautiful, i actually might blow up. a full on explosion where once stood me is liable to go down. oh my gooooood.
okay: postal inspector is investigating a mail theft. mary had been working at the postal office, stealing people’s credit cards, and her boyfriend was signing them! oh! very illegal. inspector seems to think she faked her disappearance, but mulder points out that would not explain the stabbing of the boyfriend. also, they have this creepy ass broccoli magnet on their fridge which. bleugh. it did not spark joy.
mulder wants a camera from their house, and he finds one! did he just. take a picture of scully…? oh my god. he said “stand back, scully, it’s loaded” and took one… he didn’t even let her pose or anything… that's so cute... even if it's a little weird to use a dead person's camera from a crime scene... he wanted to take her picture
no, i am all wrong, for it appears he is just… taking random photos. because someone in the 60’s once claimed that he could concentrate really hard on undeveloped film and show his thoughts. uh. press f to doubt.
(man, i want to live in that very brief and exciting moment where i thought he was taking a cute little candid of her again… it was so blissful there)
wait. what da hell. he just clicked the camera a bunch of times and it comes up with the screaming mary photo again and again.
oh… he thinks that someone was stalking mary, and the stalker’s psychic energy altered the film by him coming in its proximity. i didn't realize that was how psychic powers worked but i am listening and learning
scully says that these images had to be doctored, which is, again, a reasonable conclusion, but he asks her to “what if” the situation and just think about it!!! just imagine!!!
cutscene to… someone crawling on the side of the road. it’s mary!!! she’s bleeding from her eyes (?) and not responding at all to the police car arriving behind her.
now she is in a stretcher at the hospital that our agents are helping to steer. they are kind like that. she had a “painkiller cocktail” in her system, but that wouldn’t account for her condition. scully orders a PET scan for her, a term i have never heard before. i love when she uses terms i have never heard before.
they’re putting mary in what looks like an MRI sort of thing to look at her brain. whatever it is, it is clearly very bad, as told by scully’s visible reaction and audible declaration of “oh my god”, while mulder looks at her and asks “what is it”? 
(and while i appreciate that this is a sensitive moment for our story, mulder not knowing wtf is going on with these medical things always is a favorite trope of mine, 1. because me too, and 2. he is usually such an insufferable know-it-all i love watching him admit when he knows nothing. humility!)
oh my god… “she has been given what’s called a transorbital lobotomy” <- oh that does NOT sound good… it used to be known as an ice pick lobotomy!!! oh my gosh i’ve heard of that one!! ice pick… eye sockets… i can feel myself growing faint…
but whoever did it, did it wrong… who would do a lobotomy without knowing how to do it the right way???
in the machine, mary is mumbling!! she is saying “unruhe” according to the closed captioning, but it just sounds like faint groaning to me. however, given that this phrase is the title of the episode, i venture to guess that it IS in fact relevant.
a policeman bursts in and says there has been a second abduction, and our agents look deeply sorrowful at this news, seeming to know what will happen next if they cannot crack the case.
oh! now we are seeing the new victim, and whoever took her is in fact saying “unruhe”, and other stuff in german! NO! he pulls out a pick…. fade to black. 
WHO in this small seeming town speaks german and has a psychic effect on cameras… ?? i hope this can be narrowed down to a slim pool of candidates!!
scully is going into the next crime scene, where mulder reports that a man has been murdered, and his secretary alice taken. this is not good.
mulder has been looking into what that word alice was mumbling means- first in a phone book, but then as a translation, i guess, because it means “trouble” in german.
WOAH, WHAT?
! SCULLY LORE REVEAL ! she took german in college!!! and knows that the word is more accurately translated as “unrest”! 
(oh my gosh, i need to get back into compiling lore reveals at the end of each season like i did for s1…. good thing i take such detailed notes so i can go back and do them for s2 and s3)
((we didn’t get a ton in the last 2 seasons, so i thought of doing one post for both seasons- but the organization freak in me wants to do 1 per season, so i’ll go through them again and see what i can find when i get bored someday))
scully hands him a photo from the first crime scene, but mulder says the criminal wasn’t there, because if he was, he would have altered the photos. scully seems annoyed that he’s looking for psychic photos and not crime scene evidence, but he explains that whoever did this has to be very good, and photos may be their only lead since he doesn’t seem to know he is doing it. but then scully sees something and her eyes go SUPER wide… and she says she wants to show him something. 
oh! they find a construction company’s logo at both sites. so maybe the criminal worked at places under construction and was able to kidnap the women…? this theory is brought to you by scully.
he says she might be right, but he is going back to DC to get analysis on the photo. she still is skeptical, but he says that since the woman’s time is running out, that’s all the more reason to analyze the one piece of hard evidence they do have, and that he’ll be in touch. 
he must have really cared if he said he’ll be in touch, because usually he just runs off to god knows where to do god knows what. 
(and how much time would they even HAVE if he has to drive all the way back??? that isn’t a quick trip, is it???)
the same criminal dude from before is now saying stuff in german and taping alice’s mouth shut, while mulder is back in the photo lab sitting practically on top of this nerdy yet attractive fellow, asking for the blurriness in the image to be reduced. and it reveals very scary looking demon things! 
mulder sees someone in the back of the photo… and they get a more enhanced image on the face, but it isn’t clear to me who it is. i felt like i was supposed to know who it was, but luckily i wasn't!
scully is ordering people out to canvas and investigate the employees who may have been working at both construction sites. i like when she does that.
mulder and the lab guy figure out that there is a shadow in the background of the photo from the kidnapper. “he’s standing over her, he means to pass judgement on her, like a god” <- an unsettling thing to say, mr. spooky
scully rolls up to one of the construction sites and i’m thinking, oh please, do not get kidnapped, please please, it’s not something we need today. she’s yelling “hello” and no one is answering... but she hears something….. 
it’s a… guy on stilts? it’s the foreman named gerry. oh… could he have made the big shadow in the picture his stilts? but he doesn’t sound german…
mulder calls and says the kidnapper’s legs are unusual, either he’s very tall or he wants to be. stilts man?!?! is it you?!
instead of playing it chill upon hearing this news, she hangs up on mulder, and turns to gerry and says “unruhe”, pulling out her gun. but he uses his stilts to jump across the building! only to collapse and fall. his getaway is thwarted as scully tells him to stop or she’ll shoot, and to prove her seriousness, she does so. but i’m not buying he’s the guy!! sorry my queen!!
NO!! I WAS FOOLED, WASN’T I??? she reaches into his pocket and pricks her finger!!! NOOO! it’s a huge pick in there! like we saw before at the kidnapping!!
is she gonna be drugged from that….
(thankfully, the pick itself did not contain the drugs)
they’re interrogating the dude, and he denies everything. i mean, i guess a lot of people could have stilts and a pick at construction sites. maybe they didn't grab the right fellow.
he says that tool is used to start keyholes in the sheetrock and all fixtures. a good excuse…
but he really does seem confused. 
however, mulder brings up that gerry was arrested before, for attacking his father with an axe handle until he spent the rest of his life in a wheelchair. OH! this is not promising.
gerry says that he was institutionalized, which mulder reveals was for a schizophrenic disorder. gerry claims that since his release, he had been taking care of his father 24/7, until he passed away in january. well i’m not entirely sure if that makes amends, but i guess it’s better than nothing?
“and how did you feel about that?” asks mulder about gerry's father's death, sounding very much like the psychology expert i sometimes forget that he is. then he reveals that the same year gerry attacked his father, gerry’s sister passed. connected….?
gerry is staring intently back at scully, saying that she looks troubled. oh! do not talk to her that way.
then mulder comes in with the enhanced photo from earlier, and asks if it shows gerry’s father. he seems taken aback, like it really is his father, and then further taken aback when he pulls out the full photo and asks if those demons figures are what he sees when he closes his eyes. this finally gets gerry to crack and say that he knows where alice is, and that she is safe, “from the howlers”. HUH? 
(is it bad my thoughts went straight to a howler monkey when he said that? i was thinking man, monkeys do not look like that at all. you and i have seen some different monkeys, gerry. but no, he does not refer to those types of howlers)
a ton of cop cars are arriving in the woods, to find alice, who is bleeding from the eyes, which can only mean one thing in this context. oh noooo. scully seems horrified and as if she is blaming herself 
oh, we get a very charged exchange here. she says it doesn’t matter what is in the photos, or if it shows gerry’s dreams or nightmares, because it’s over, and they couldn’t save alice. she starts the engine, and when i think she’s gonna drive off without mulder, he hops in. i bet that guilt that doctors feel when that cannot save a patient is even worse in her than in usual doctors, because she also has to deal with trying to rescue people from crime. :(
gerry is being taken in and photographed by the cops. but instead of a mugshot, when we see the picture, it’s the guy who was taking him in with a bullet hole in his head. oh! so that seems to confirm earlier suspicions on behalf of mulder. 
OH NO!! gerry reaches out and grabs the gun from the cop! NOOO! 
mulder points out that the image from that interaction showed the man shot in the head, but in reality, he was shot in his throat. so i guess it’s not based on reality as much as his intentions? sure, why not. and scully says there was a robbery at the pharmacy back where the very first photo was taken. no! our druggist friend!
gerry took all of the film in the store and a ton of drugs for more “twilight sleep”, which is a bad sign. i think i’ve seen this film before…
scully thinks that perhaps he was stalking his next victim at the construction site, and i’m thinking, girl i think he picked out his victim alright, but i don’t think she’s in the apartments.
mulder wants to wait a bit for his photo to come out. so he sends her to pull the car around and i’m screaming NO, NO, DON’T SEPARATE, NOT WITH A GUY ON THE LOOSE WHO LOOKED AT HER AND SAID “YOU LOOK TROUBLED” AFTER DOING 2 DIY LOBOTOMIES ON OTHER WOMEN AND KILLING 2 OTHER MEN! JUST WAIT A MINUTE AND WALK TO THE CAR TOGETHER!!!
but she cannot hear me….
NO! as she unlocks the car, a hand from beneath reaches out and pierces her foot with a needle NOOOO… and it’s gerry and she’s going down and NOOOOOO!!!!
AND MULDER PULLS THE PHOTO OUT TO FIND GERRY WAS THINKING OF SCULLY WHEN IT WAS TAKEN!
he is RUNNING after that car. despite his best efforts, even trackstar mulder is not as fast as a car, yet he follows her and screams her name regardless. until he realizes he will not win this race.
back at the police office, mulder is STARING at that photograph, the one showing scully being taken by these horrific creatures known as “the howlers”. he’s asking for any leads, including “does he have a summer house? a winter house?” which could be seen as desperation for answers or mulder being out of touch with how many people grew up with summer houses, take your pick.
OH! in gerry’s wallet was his father’s obituary. and his father was a dentist… and the name sounds german… 
so they go to his old dentist’s office, where they did an ad for the pain medicine cocktail he’s been cooking up. and mulder finds a footprint and a missing dentist’s chair. 
NO!! scully is in the dentist’s chair at some undisclosed location. waking up to find her arms and legs bound with a pick on the table and gerry in the distance. she’s watching him…. and she says to let her go. 
he begins his german ranting that has happened before the other lobotomies, and she… RESPONDS???? in clumsy german??? she says she has no unrest and doesn’t need saving, but he insists she does??? WHAT!!!
good on her for remembering some words after all those years :,)
he says everyone has some unrest, but especially her. she thinks she must remind him of his sister, and they talk about “the howlers”, who live inside your head, and make you say and do things you don’t mean.
so she turns the tables on this, and says maybe there are no such thing as howlers, and maybe he made them up to justify what his father did to his sister, which sets him off further. OH… so she thinks gerry attacking his father and his sister’s death were related. damn… that’s heavy
she tries to convince him that the “howlers” are just in HIS head, and no one else’s, as he approaches with a camera to try and prove they do exist. because cameras cannot lie!!
back at the dentist’s office, mulder appears to be losing it. mumbling about the 6 fingers the howler had in the photos, and yelling “WHY are there 6?” to no one in particular, as if he can find an answer through sheer willpower. one of the cops is asking him what to do while he looks at the obituary and counts five headstones…. and the father makes 6? sure, if that makes sense to you king!
they’re off to the graveyard while scully is still in a mystery location, with tears in her eyes as gerry shows her the photos he took. he takes the photos to mean he doesn’t have much time left, and tapes her mouth… and oh my gosh, i think of what would go down here if i knew she wasn’t gonna pull through… until gerry hears a tapping and MULDER IS LOOKING IN!! YES!!!
gerry is doing this in a camper van! by the graveyard!!! mulder is peeking in, sees a tooth keychain, and realizes she’s in there!!!! he’s yelling her name, and she’s yelling that she’s in here, while gerry tries to hold her down!!!
mulder’s BEATING on the window of the camper with his hands, and when that doesn’t work, he finds a giant metal pipe and SLAMS it into the window, goes in, and shoots gerry. this escalated quickly, but it was almost not quick enough.
mulder asks if she’s hurt, and neither of them say anything as she walks out, with mulder kneeling down to see that the last photos gerry had taken were of himself dead on the floor. it’s a terribly thick tension that reminds me of the ending to irresistible, but without the tension bursting like it did in that episode with her finally revealing her fear to him. i wish that she did it again this time. 
scully is doing the episode wrap up, sounding terribly solemn. she is reporting that gerry had written a diary intended as a letter for his father, including the list of the women he hoped to “save”. and her name is the last entry. she has no explanation for the photographs. but she empathized with him, which her survival depended upon.
“i see now the value of such insight. for truly to pursue monsters, we must understand them. we must venture into their minds. only in doing so, do we risk letting them venture into ours?” (said while there are tears in her eyes, as she looks at the photograph of her being pulled by the howlers)
WHAT THE HELL.
okay, so chris carter… you and i need to have some words. 
i have a lot of thoughts. perhaps number one: what if mulder had been 5 minutes later… can you imagine him never being able to cope with that….? oh my gosh. oh my gosh. no, i shan’t imagine. but i’m sure they both were imagining it. and that is probably why she couldn’t say anything as she walked out of the camper van. it was too horrific.
second. this was a dark one. i was giggling at first and then it got really dark. lobotomies… are a hard subject.
third. when the writers make the bad guy have a mental illness, i do feel it to be insulting, because we don’t often get a character where a guy with schizophrenia is just a guy doing normal things like working at the store or going to get his oil changed. no, he’s gotta be up to something nefarious. i wish that wasn’t the case and that these episodes didn’t use mental illness in that way, and i understand that things were kind of Like That in the 90’s and arguably still are in media, but it has been observed with distaste. 
okay, final thoughts? like i’ve said before, i believe in gender equality when it comes to kidnapping and rescuing, and i hope that will be evened out at some point. i understand that gerry had a fixation on women for his own personal reasons, but that’s the doyleist vs watsonian debate thing. and i want a 1:1 ratio on who goes about saving the day. although the ratio was uneven in s2, i’m not recalling the ratio from s3, and we’re 4 episodes into s4 with a 1:1 ratio. so i hope that overall, the entire series ratio evens out eventually. damsel in distress is gender neutral
i was actually really invested in this episode, probably because it let us look into scully deeper, and also because the stakes were high, the pacing fast, and the horror a new kind rather than a standard serial killer we get in a lot of episodes. 
but… while i appreciate that, i’m not sure i can say i enjoyed it, you know? because even a “scully speaks german” lore reveal cannot save me from the feeling of… something adjacent to fear? not horror as in “ahhh i’m so scared” but maybe a sort of horror as in “stop putting her into these fuckass situations, let my girl have a day off” and also a bit of terrible grief in knowing that lobotomies were a very real thing and did untold harm. and to be clear, i’m not saying that fact shouldn’t be explored and discussed, i just think that for me it seems to provoke some intense feelings that make me want some fluff. now. 
deliver it. to my door. as we speak. in fact, here is an incomplete list of things i want to read our agents doing in fanfiction form:
apple picking and apple cider sipping, hiking and sharing weird facts they know about the things they encounter (scully will be all “this type of spider has a unique silk production gland” and he’ll be all “this type of wildflower is used to induce hallucinogenic states” while they look at a pretty view), ice skating (can they ice skate? need to explore that), getting ice cream cones, a visit to the beach, decorating for various holidays, a very serious game night- perhaps uno or some sort of trivia where it turns into a real nerd-off, arguing over unsolved mysteries, more implications of them starting a family together if you feel bold and brave, even, but for those who like it more reserved we can just have an aquarium date, watching a meteor shower, scully attempting to understand his fascination with the various sports of the world by tagging along on an anthropological expedition to a knicks game with him, baking, movie theater trip, etc
well! i have gotten myself so enthused at the idea of them doing silly stuff like handing out halloween candy that i have forgotten all about my initial feelings, which shall surely resurface soon when i go through and edit my notes, but you’re gonna sit there and tell me you don’t want to play dolls in your head of them getting hot chocolate together? 
canon? what is canon? c’mere, kid. let’s daydream about them eloping without ever having the “what are we” conversation and ignore the suffering 
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keeps-ache · 8 months ago
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HEY
#art#my art#artists on tumblr#digital art#oc#pink space#i really like the subtract glitch i've been doing recently - so here's some of that again lol :3#the way it interacts with their palettes is so fun i like it a lot ehegh :33#//anyway do you ever consider just tossing out any part the human body you've learned to draw and just drawing dumb little guys with arms#like pipecleaners forever or what hfhs#//oh this is was doobled in traditional originally#i need to digitize more of these. Because#though aura's hair was more extreme in the second panel in that version - i'm tired though and 3 days ago it was the same so no feelings to#change that lol :)#also i didn't shrink the noise enough so it didn't look right - and i was not going to reimport it so Bon Voyage my dude hfhs#was Supposed to fit on a 900x900 canvas but i made the panels a liiiiitle bit too big so it's 950x950#which is Fine it's a round number but it's not a Round-Round number so [gesturing]#1000x1000 was way too big for this little thing so she sits at a pleasant halfway point :>#//anyway i was also up til 3 a.m. last night doing ?? something ?? i genuinely don't even know what lmfhsbvh#nice though maybe my brain'll get a reset lol :3#stay up really late some random nights and jumpstart your brain!! it's foolproof!! never fails!! [<- these statements have not been reviewe#by the FDA or the Center for Sleep Control]#//ANywho now i'm going to be on my way#/oh i also forgot to post the oath n aura refs i made for artfight lol-#i'll prolly put those up w/ the kira and hid ones though :>>#i like to have the whole ensemble :D i Do feel bad when one of them gets left out hghsfh - like forgetting a stuffed animal somewhere#even though they're all together for small portion of the story it still feels off lol#i should prolly introduce the rest of the cast at some point. .... ......... ..........hm yea prolly. maybe one day hfhs#//anyway NOW i'm going i've run out of tag space i think hfhs - toodles !! :>
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passumstars · 9 months ago
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I will likely never get to do anything with her
#the band ghost#nameless ghoul oc#i mostly wanted practice making a character sheet ish thingy#and by god i got that#had to work hard for her colors which is not usually a problem for me#and the silhouette flip like if your character doesnt have a tail then bam its done and no one will notice the small problems#but it doesnt work with a tail if you want perspective i had to redraw/move her tail around to make it look right so. learned that very much#i like the layout concept though thats nice#i have a whole backstory for her. she was part of a group summon and it all went fine except that one person was missing and they ended up#with a statue. she was too terrified to talk to anyone so she got left there and after it sounded empty she reverted and found some place to#hide in the gardens. so she lives there now. and ruins a lot of socks. and helps with the plants not that anyone knows that. and panics and#turns to stone if anyone walks by. so everyone does realize theres a moving shifting statue in the abbey but no one is sure what to do about#that. doesnt speak much if at all. doesnt steal a new shirt bc people notice if those go missing unlike socks. has anxiety bitch face also#yeah. and like. i dont know what a fandom is and i certainly dont know what a music is and thats why ill likely not do anything with her#which kinda sucks. but i still made her a character sheet cause she wont leave me alone. and for the practice#cause if i think about doing a sheet for story ocs i get all perfectionist and it doesnt happen#the luck thing is that she kinda thinks being summoned was a curse#im gonna shut up now
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himblebo · 3 months ago
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I just want to be allowed to scream at my sister the way she screams at me. I want to be allowed to slam doors and throw things and break things. I want to be allowed to react to the way she treats us and not be called selfish.
#hot fucking take but I don’t really see much dialogue on how fucking traumatizing it can be to live with an autistic person#whose autism outwardly manifests the most behaviorally#her not being able to help being dysregulated does not negate how fucking scary it is#to be on the receiving end of that behavior#and to be conditioned for your entire life that you’re bad if you react in any way#this is less about neurodivergence than it is about my fucking mother#especially because I’m likely on the spectrum as well#but if someone that wasn’t autistic did those same things it would be considered an abusive environment#I’m not saying that my sister is abusive#but I am saying that it is so incredibly emotionally damaging to live in this house#any harm done to me by the screaming and throwing and breaking things is not even allowed to be considered#because she ‘can’t help herself’#and the quotes there are again less about neurodivergence than my mother#because my sister actually has really solid coping skills… when my mother is not involved#my mother will make excuses and enables her in a way that is so frustrating#my sister would actually do much better if she were living in a dorm/group home like she previously was#but that costs a lot of money#and so she lives here with my enabling permissive mother#and is more dysregulated than she has been in YEARS#because so many of the skills and coping tools she learned at her resident program#she has completely stopped utilizing because she doesn’t have to#because instead of trying to work through it my mother will make excuses for her#so instead of trying to work through it she screams so loud my ears ring#and slams doors so hard they break#and throws things in a way that makes me scared she’s going to hurt one of us#but if I display any reaction to what in any other circumstance would be recognized as a frightening and harmful situation#I’m making things worse and I’m being selfish#I’m like. fine. in the way that I’ve had to be my whole life.#which is mostly dissociating and spending as little time home as possible#but every time it happens it makes me wish I was not alive
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dolichomorph · 12 days ago
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manifesting a new bee!chloe in season 6 🕯️🙏🕯️
#im imagining chloe is just Absent for like half the season off in new york#and then she's just Back. out of nowhere. maybe permanent maybe temporary#but shes just kinda. defeated. not nice or anything but just not really engaging. people try to rile her up re: her being an asshole#and shes just like. whatever. and doesnt engage further. shes over it all and just keeps her head down#does alright on classwork with the new freeform structure and having been Aggressively tutored while with her mom#(and also by not being distracted by being an asshole)#and then one day theres an akuma and zoe is unavailable for Reasons but pollen took her miraculous and goes for the nearest available holder#chloe!! one room over at the hotel lol#and they have a sweet reunion and maybe chloe actually feels Guilty for how bad she fucked it up in the past#and also worries that the team wont trust her as queen bee (fair)#and pollen is like 'it seems like chloe has changed a lot.... maybe queen bee can change too :)'#i like the idea of chloe being a New bee hero and not queen bee again#at least at first. give her a few chances to prove herself and learn to trust herself again#get used to like. positive attention and being appreciated on a genuine level#and then she or butterflila or whoever reveals her identity and its a whole thing but it WORKS OUT FINE#and maybe zoe and chloe figure each others identities out and have like. split custody LMAO#or maybe pollen just operates on vibes who knows#anyway. i feel like theyre setting up 1. Banishing chloe for an indefinite length of time#which i think is smart. gives lila more room to work lol#but 2. i think shell at least try to have a redemption arc#like her weeping miserably at the end didnt feel like a triumphant comeuppance of a bully. it just felt like a sad teenage girl#i think itd be easy to write that scene to read more victorious than they did. i think that was a Choice#but idk chloe has had such a wild track record in this show#give her the black cat for a minute i dunno#ooh that's another wishlist item. randomized miraculous swap for an episode#anyway. apparently i had a lot to say about chloe bourgeois!
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falst · 5 months ago
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What’s your charlotte character like?
Mine is an insane blue teifling vessel whos possessed by a god who wants to kill a random aroace girl who doesn’t even know her all cuz she thinks the aroace girl is love with the girl she likes (she isn’t, she is aroace but Charlotte doesn’t know what that means lmao)
!!! your Charlotte sounds so cool !!!
Mines a girl out of a rich family who was basically kicked out bc one of her moms came from lower standing + she started doing some forbidden magic and turned herself spider-y (mostly just changing her eye color and growing more eyes) who’s trying to travel down to a magic school in the southern part of the continent so she can get her magic under control and be as re-accepted into her family. Shes also a trans lesbian and plays the violin
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e77y · 4 months ago
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Glad I’m starting therapy so soon after moving out ☝️ I am already feeling the helplessness and loneliness
#vent#<- slightly? not that strongly? this is a pretty chill post like. I feel pretty chill#but also :( sad#I miss my family and friends at home#I haven’t really talked to my roommates#including the one who’s been my friend since high school bc she’s been sick (?) for the past few days#and this semester is definitely going to be A Lot#I got accepted into another choir but I’m most likely not joining bc my schedule is so packed#but the main thing is#I FEEL LIKE A BABY#my parents never really made me cook or clean and I just feel kinda useless#I’m just gonna have to force myself to learn which is fine#and my parents have offered to walk me through stuff over the phone when they can#but idk I just feel really immature bc like. damn I am 20 and don’t know how to cook Anything#I’m gonna go grocery shopping either tonight or tomorrow and get some sandwich supplies and other non-cooking stuff#so we are not completely doomed lol#also I need to do laundry tomorrow.. which. I can do and have done before. but I’m still gonna call my mom for guidance 😅#idk I think the main thing that’s stressing me out is spending money on food vs. groceries#and trying to eat at least some protein and fruits/vegetables etc. while also not spending exorbitantly#bc I am SOOOO irrationally anxious about money. I hate hate hate spending money#so the whole idea of grocery shopping is just kind of filling me with dread 🥲#but I will do it bc I need to Adult at some point#I just. idk I guess most students do this and I’m being whiny about it bc I’m not used to it??#but it just feels like So Much to be taking five classes and doing a bunch of extracurriculars and living on my own for the first time!#like! ahhh! too much at once!#😰😰😰#and I need to get an internship soon 😀 and if I don’t get one this semester I need to at least get a job so I can stress less about money 😀#but I always stress about money regardless 😀😀😀😀😀😀😀 even though I have scholarships savings etc 😀😀 ocd things! 😁 (🥲)#thank god for my meds and the thought that I’ll be starting therapy in the next week or two#and also my mom for being like the sweetest wver
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sillyabtmusic · 1 year ago
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walk you home cover by louis (src)
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rxttenfish · 6 months ago
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honestly miranda's a lot more insecure than she will ever let anyone else know about or even mentally recognize and realize in herself - its just also in such specific and bizarre ways that no one ever picks up on it
#all the care guide says is 'biomass'#its because of the merkingdom. just. theres no mystery this is absolutely why this is#and also the conflict between#merfolk cultural standards and their norms and what the lands cultural standards and norms are like#honestly merfolk dont lose a lot of their neural plasticity when it comes to social behavior even as they age#because being able to keep up with and maintain bonds and match even small changes in their social groups#were large evolutionary pressures that allowed them to function as they do#that its a little like miranda never fully left the part of childhood where youre just a social sponge#which. again. normal for merfolk. normal for even very old merfolk to be constantly learning new social tricks#its just a problem when she comes up to land and the only other merfolk around is bellanda#and theres a LOT of casual or indirect or even outright rejection of her needs as a merfolk#she has all sorts of new body image issues that she never had before#because she got slapped into a situation where people keep treating her badly because of them#this is also why bellanda and aaravi end up being so important as a part of a stable miivt'ia with her#because that plasticity prioritizes by relationship hierarchy#so if ravi and bells are fine with something and even outright indignant about it#then miri will default more to them being the ''norm'' than anyone else#i just like how much merfolk approach socialization and social behavior from the non-mammalian perspective#of effectively just retaining a social learning curve instead of the way mammals will settle into an ''adult'' socialization#and merfolk having the opposite of most mammals#where theyre far more independent as children and way more social as adults#where the lopsided attachment in parent-child relationships actually has the parent being more attached#hmmmm#which now makes me think high neural plasticity would help them with their long lifespans (already helped by being large and coldblooded)#and staving off the effects of aging by keeping their brains healthier for longer#things to thinks upon
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library--fairy · 9 months ago
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12. laughter for AuRaApril and 12. treasure for VieraprilJust a lil sketchy for today <3 <3 laughing around a table full of delicious food is the real treasure hehe
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gotyouanyway · 1 year ago
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lol the other day i told my pt i always use my knee brace at work (3x 4 hour shifts a week, sometimes less) bc if i don’t then i’ll be in significant pain and she told me off for it bc i’m “relying on it” too much and it’ll make my muscles weaker and make things worse in the long run. and when i said “i understand that so i don’t use it all the time. but you told me to use it when i’m in pain or standing/walking a lot.” she said “i only meant to use it right after our last appointment because you were in a lot of pain. only use it when you’re in extreme pain” and i said “but if i don’t use it Then i’m in extreme pain. idk what you want me to do” and she literally said “okay” in her “defuse the aggro patient” voice and moved on. like truly these people do not give a fuck about your day to day quality of life they only care about your long term statistics
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strawberrysweater · 1 year ago
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i sorta hc that shuichi is the only member of the polycule who can cook or bake... he's not amazing at either but he's pretty good. i think kiibo could follow a recipe but he just hasn't practiced very much yet, and kaede has never tried because what if some freak accident in the kitchen burned her hands? what if she hurts a finger chopping vegetables? she can't take that chance
BUT i think she and kiibo should try at least once... maybe they make some cookies or little pastries for all of them to enjoy together (not kiibo though LMAO)
they would be so silly about it, they get themselves some nice kitchen aprons just for the fun of it... and both of them spent a lot of time beforehand, total coincidence, researching interesting types of cookies to make and recipes they thought would be fun because they're both So into this and got really excited and focused on making The Perfect Little Treat... and they come together like oh haha this is so silly of me but i had all these ideas... wait no that sounds great you're so right YEAH LET'S DO IT
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pepprs · 1 year ago
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discovered miah_pie on t*ktok (<- i don’t have one btw i just stumbled upon her bc someone i follow on ig talked abt her) and her videos make me want to cry so bad. 24 year old dependent moment
#purrs#i went to a clothing store today to try to get new work shoes and pants bc the one pair i have of each literally have holes in them and are#falling the fuck apart on my body and it was a HORRIBLE experience largely bc i think everybody in town was out shopping for back to school#so it was super crowded and there were lots of screaming kids and it was extremely stressful + my dad got into a mini car accident while i w#was in the store (he was / is completely fine thankfully but the car is not which is so awesome 😍😍😍😍😍) and i was just so stressed and#overstimulated but also like… nothing fits me bc im so short lol. but anyway it was so horrible i was on the verge of starting to cry in the#store and then i came home empty handed and my mom got super pissed at me for… needing to go to the store / being the reason we were out lol#and then finding miah pie and her videos are all about making trips to the store SO much fun and buying little treats and saying yessir and#OHHHHHH MYYYYY and just finding the joy in smth that can be so stressful and unpleasant… it makes me want to cry happy and sad tears at the#same time like i want that soooo bad and i can’t do it fully yet but i want it. need it. fuck my stupid baka life#anyways im gonna start saying the stuff she says just to make myself feel better even when im not at a store. yessir! OHHHHHH MYYYYYY.#acquired. don’t mind if i diddly dooooo!#also btw i am not a dependent except for the ways i am a dependent. hope that helps 🫶🏻#the problem is really that i don’t have a car or a license and also that my mom throws a fit every time i need / want to get driving#practice bc it’s never a good time so. lol 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍 me doing drivers ed this summer was a fucking joke i forget literally everything i#learned and have only been behind the wheel 3 times and none of them have actually counted bc im just developing basic motor skills#(literally). fmlllll im never getting out of here who am i kidding 🤪#delete later
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aroaessidhe · 1 year ago
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2023 reads // twitter thread
Court of the Undying Seasons
NA high fantasy
demigirl volunteers to be taken by the vampires instead of her friend intending to kill them for revenge, but quickly learns that’ll be impossible unless she becomes one
she has to get through her training to become a vampire or live as a human thrall, and quickly gets swept up in their world - and discovers a string of murders that could have dire consequences for them all
#Court of the Undying Seasons#aroaessidhe 2023 reads#ok i was kinda hoping this would be more me than most things in its genre niche....but is just kinda is that#why is the main couple a thing? what is the attraction? i feel like I skipped half a book. you’re gonna kill him right#just really did not get that at all lmao. ur usual dark fantasy romance i gues#it’s kind of pitched as ‘she wants to kill vamps!!!’ but like. she immediately learns that’ll be too hard and basically forgets about it lo#i feel like the courts being named after colours reads. well you know it reads like the stereotype of YA with different factions to choose#but I guess I get that if they were called by their alt names it would have been a lot of confusing info to keep track of#the mc being a demigirl is pretty subtle#if you’re looking for it you can see the trans coding#but if you weren’t I feel like it might just read as girl who’s slightly uncomfortable with her appearance…#which is fine I guess. but just so you know if you're picking it up for that#also picked it up for ace side characters but like…. it’s not rly like the authors other books#there’s vague mentions but tbqh I’ve forgotten who is supposed to be ace#(probably because I read like 6 other books between starting and finishing this)#also genderfluid side character who is like. treated as two different people when they’re girl or boy version?#which is sort of treated as a vampire thing but i thought it felt odd#anyway all in all not entirely bad just not for me at all lol
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pastafossa · 2 years ago
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Hey Pasta! I was rereading some of the new chapters and wanted to ask when Jane and Matt went from just impressions via thread, to full blown words and conversations?
I was trying to remember if there was a distinct shift, and I'd love to go back and read it if there was!
So while there's definitely a sloooow, gradual build to full conversations, the first time an actual word gets through is in chapter 31! This also happens right before the Away chapters, and as we know, they get a toooooon of practice trying to communicate with words, then, and are up to short sentences by the time she comes back.
BUT LET ME TALK ABOUT THIS WORDBUILDING A LITTLE THO CAUSE IT'S RELEVANT. I intentionally wanted it to feel slow and gradual, the way they go from emotional sensations -> full conversations. Even when they're talking to each other via thread now, they're not actually talking the way we think of it, which is why when you read their conversations, you'll still sometimes see something like this (Ch 134):
Bloodstained lips shifted, shaping a word on his tongue. Even before he spoke it, the air around him seemed to shiver as his intent manifested, his current aligning with yours where it lay quiet. "Mine," he whispered, the word raw smoke and rough city streets, letters a caress on your skin. "Understand?"
This isn't any of the languages we use every day. It's a language built on the bones of emotion, sensation its sound, with intent giving the words form. That's why it's taken them both so long to work up to where they're at now - they've essentially been learning a new language, one in which each word is also a sensation, a memory, and a physical change in the thread world as intent manifests (with stronger intent enacting stronger effects, as Matt almost discovered). It's a language only they can speak (that they know of), although I will confirm they learned it far faster, far more intimately, and far more fluently than anyone In The Know would have expected. Whether that's because they're soulmates, because their thread is just REALLY open now, or because Matt's super senses align perfectly with her abilities is something I'm leaving open for guessing at present.
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