#which I relate heavily to lol
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I have more reasons but I don’t have the energy to write them right now.
But yeah, I’ve been thinking about what I’d be if I were in Faas and Enya’s universe and I thought I’d be a changeling as well for a while for many reasons, but upon further consideration I think I was wrong. So here’s the first concept art for a my avian persona.
As for the songs (which was one of the main influences on why I started thinking about avians because I realized that over the last six months the majority of songs I’ve been obsessed with have bird centric undertones at the very least) you can find them here
#my art#this is the first fluid pose I’ve managed to do in a long time and I’m so proud of it#also I was drawing the headshot at co-op and multiple kids came up behind me and were like#ooo cool bird person#it was still a sketch at that point so I was happy it translated as bird#and just compliments from kids are the best ones#avian character design#character design#persona#Ava art#avariel#avian#bird humanoid#the wings and coloration are based on a female cutthroat grosbeak#because I’ve always really loved their markings- even more than the males#and upon researching into them I’d say we actually have quite a bit in common#they are usually very solitary birds#the biggest group you’ll find them in is nesting pairs#they are rather elusive#they live mostly off seeds nuts and fruits#which I relate heavily to lol#they care for their young a nearly after they’ve fledged#sometimes longer#there were other things but I can’t remember them#will add them when I remember#small artist#artists on tumblr#digital art#young artist#chibi style
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despite not quite sharing the same pink-gold-dark palette that otome and ichijiku’s speakers have, i think it’s kiiiiinda crazy kuukou and jyushi’s speakers match theirs in style better than nemu’s lol
#this is vee speaking#not pictured is nemu’s bc while her’s is necessary for comparison i also hated how the photo set looked lol#ah concern over kuukou and jyushi’s pink my old friend LOL#i was revisiting the thought that their pink comes from an important woman figure in their lives#and nothings changed about it lol i just started comparing their speakers with the characters who are heavily influenced by a girl#so that’d be ichiro in a way samatoki ramuda dice hifumi and rei#aaaaaaaand ramuda and dice are the only ones with pink lol tho ichiro’s speaker graffiti has Some pink lol#which is on god actually no cap frfr like goddamn fcking me up LOL#i let myself get lulled into a false sense of security thinking jyushi’s pink was related to his grandma and kuukou’s a lady we don’t know#and it can still hold true esp since dice’s known chuuoku connection is his mom#but posse always keeps you fuggin guessin who knows what else is up with dice#*crying* and who knows what is up with bat other than their vibes#pls let me return to my false sense of security idk if i have any new info i can infer from pls i’m not strong enough for bat fears aGAIN—#c: kuukou👑#c: jyushi#c: otome#c: ichijiku
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do you have a favourite portrayal of a character in the gotg game!! who is it and why <3
Oh I think they're all great honestly!!! Part of why I love the game so much is that genuinely, the whole team + supporting characters are written with such obvious love of the source material and equal attention between them all. When I see comments of people saying who their favorite character was from the game and the answer always being different from each person I'm like!! That's how it SHOULD be!!! They're the Guardians of the Galaxy (plural) the focus shouldn't all fall on a singular character like most other GotG media usually ends up as 😭
The two (sorry I can't pick just one) whom I think benefit the most from the game though are Drax and Gamora because they're almost always sidelined both in-and-out of universe by most of the various writers (especially as of late) and in turn the viewers/readers. I've been told plenty of times that they're the most boring members of the "main" team, BUT IT DOESN'T HAVE TO BE THAT WAY! The amount of love the game versions get (by the few who've played it at least) proves that 🥺
I've never really liked 616 Drax shifting to being a complete clown during the 90s and such (and even less so when the MCU followed along 💀) So I appreciate the game taking a bit of his seriousness from the DnA run and just making him struggle with nuance and context clues in a less exaggerated way (autistic Drax I still believe in u) and I feel the focus put on him and how losing his original family + the aftermath deeply affected him hits pretty hard here because it's treated very seriously and shown in depth, especially with how his family (wife) gets actual focus. I cannot tell you anything about Yvette in comparison to Hovat, who actually seemed to have had a personality lol (AND she was on their village's council like omg imagine having more to you than just being The Housewife) Though I will say I flip and flop on my thoughts about Heather being disconnected from Drax's life in this universe... The TLDR is that I think his arc here specifically works stronger when he has to come to terms with losing his entire family and accepting the life he currently has with the Guardians. BUT!!! I very much appreciate that Heather is still confirmed to exist within this universe, even if that means her dad issues would have to be dealt with in a different context if we ever get to see her.
Also? Shoutout to the writers actually bringing up the intense paranoia that always kneecapped 616 Drax but having that be a turning point in his backstory here, with that conversation he has with Peter where he talks about how he was becoming so paranoid of everyone being a chitauri/Thanos conspirator to the point of literally turning into an obsessed maniac like Thanos, and realizing that he desperately needed to turn his life around, it's so ough.
Out of the already many great conversations throughout the game, I think the ones with him are the most poignant. My favorite scene in the whole game is Drax and Pete's little moment on Knowhere... makes me go wahhh
(l also love that out of everyone on the team, it's his headspace that we quite literally get to go into. You KNOW that if this was any other media it'd be going into Rocket or Groot's head and likely treated as a joke.)
And oh my god, Gamora...
I find it so extremely refreshing that her role in the plot doesn't revolve purely around the men in her life, and instead, it's nearly exclusively her connection with other women. Or in the most direct obstacle she has to deal with, being how she starts projecting to the millionth degree on Nikki's situation for reminding her of what happened to her and Nebula. I find that infinitely more fascinating as a reading of her character rather than just dating drama or her arc getting completely overtaken by a man's instead.
And especially in her friendship with Mantis, who, despite having all these futures she's constantly seeing and having to navigate, still makes time to do her best to help her 🥺 From saving her life and being the one who put her on the path to healing on Lamentis, to getting her to join the Guardians and still checking in on her when she's able 😭 Friendship between women can be so powerful... u love to see it (🏳️🌈)
I also find it nice that there's this emphasis on her recovering mentally, and the comparison between Thanos essentially teaching her to just Deal with the shit in her life through very simplistic meditation versus the priests of Pama actually teaching her something to help soothe the mind :^( and that she still has moments of relapsing essentially. I find that to be a realistic take on recovery because that's just part of the journey since healing is not linear... and I think it's very sweet that she finds comfort in collecting something ---girly--- like dolls. Love to see a person reclaim a part of their childhood that they weren't allowed to experience. And how she's allowed to make BAD JOKES?? Imagine a woman being written to have multiple dimensions, crazy and absolutely unthinkable, I know.
There's this extremely specific theme in relation to Gamora across media that's been rattling around in my brain since first playing the game. When near the end during the revisit to Knowhere, she's about to completely lose it when Peter tries talking -for- her on what she's so upset about before immediately shooting him down, and she explains what happened between her and Nebula and she starts crying. It really struck me right then that she's never given a moment to cry elsewhere (or in the 616's case, the quite literal inability to.) aside from her shedding a Single Manly Tear (Original Sin) or a single moment out of legit fear (MCU 💀) because she's a hashtag Strong Independant Woman who can't be vulnerable etc etc. But for her to cry in front of the people she's come to care about, It gives her a moment of true vulnerability that I don't think she's allowed ever in most other media.
That and all of the above hits hard and is what makes me genuinely believe that the writers cared about her in the narrative and tried to do right by her when every other bit of media really hasn't nor cared to the majority of the time since the 90s :'^/ Brings a tear to my eye that she's allowed to just... exist in the narrative on her own merits and not on what she can provide to someone else's story.
#lex thoughts#gotg thoughts#universe: eidos game#gotg2008#sorry for asking for a question then immediately disappearing for a month 💔 I'm on the most stressful roadtrip ever#i 🫶 you for asking about them though the Eidos gotg are my everything and i won't shut up about them if given the chance#very funny to me that all these important moments happen on Knowhere. Strange things can happen at the end of the universe.#The end page of W&tIW 09 is the only other Gamora moment of vulnerability across media that i can specifically pinpoint#But it's more self reflection in a way of a heavily traumatic experience that I don't feel ever truly got resolved within the 616 IMO#And I find it a specific point to be made when Gamora is/isn't allowed to feel or literally denied things that are stereotypically-#-categorized as -feminine- (which is dumb to assign gender roles to a simple human emotion such as CRYING.-#-But you get what I mean I hope) We play fast and loose with gender around here pardner I think all of the gotg should cry more#but in Gamora's case specifically it Hits Different knowing her past and treatment throughout media#i could also heavily go into the way the game adapts Peter's character in relation to his element guns but that's an essay for another time#just because -i- find that extremely fascinating doesn't mean i think he should particularly be the main focus (and he isnt)#bc pete rocket and groot are the ones that already get all the attention (even if i dont agree with how they're written elsewhere)#i just find it more engaging for the other two main characters of the team that always get sidelined by the writers actually being put in-#-the spotlight with equal attention given to them for once to be sooo -shakes fist#sorry for the intense word salad i hope i make sense lol ESSAY/RANT OVER .🤐
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headcanons i have about Craig the scientist :)
as are most of the characters i have headcanons for, Craig is on the autism spectrum. he has a flat effect to his voice and facial expressions, doesn't really get most social cues, doesn't know how to react to others in pain the "right" way, misunderstands metaphors and speaks in quite a direct manner because it makes the most sense to his brain. he's quite a literal thinker. he also tends to hyperfixate so hard on a task that he forgets his basic needs and hygene, and thus has quite an unkempt look underneath that hazmat suit of his (which i will get into later!). Barry often ends up needing to get Craig something to eat because of how long he hyperfixates on something.
Craig sometimes doesn't exactly pay attention to his tone of voice, so sometimes he can say something that, to him, sounds completely normal, but because of his tone, can end up sounding really ominous to other people by accident ("We know who you are, Barry.")
Craig has traumatic cataract in his left eye (or wherever the fuck craig's visor crack is supposed to be in canon lol) from the explosion in 'Level 2' and is half blind in that eye. his eye has a very clouded look as a result of the injury. he's also got a huge scar there too that required some pretty gnarly stitches later, and his skin is almost completely numb around that area.
Craig also never really had the best eyesight before the injury, so he's always wearing these big ol' nerdy glasses underneath his helmet. and yes, they are tacked together with a band-aid lol
Craig is one of the few scientists who is not a clone of Peter Simpkins, the late friend of both Professor Brains and (in my headcanon'd canon) Craig. i like to think that Craig and Simpkins knew each other when they were first recruited by Legitimate Research and was pretty close to both him and Brains, and since Simpkins died, Brains has kind of taken more of a liking towards Craig (mostly out of loneliness and needing someone to help around at the lab, but he has a genuine fondness for him under his demanding and angry exterior).
There's a bit of a fan theory that Craig is the same guy as the scientist in the 'Robot Bird' rock opera, which i like to believe is the case. i mean, he's got the same monotone voice as Craig, it's gotta be him. i hope this does end up becoming canon because i think it'd make for an interesting conflict between Barry and Craig!!
Craig may or may not be related to Lab Lady.
Craig's counterpart in the mirror universe is named Kayla.
Craig is demiromantic and is questioning his sexuality (he thinks he might be bi or pan), though he definitely knows he loves Barry <3
Craig has an unhealthy habit of wiping his embarrassing memories, like, a lot. he wipes memories of awkward accidents in the lab, particularly painful failures, and most importantly, the memories of losing literally all his stuff and his career to Barry, which is why he doesn't immediately recognise him in the shorts. Craig has a lot of trouble recounting stories from the past because of this memory-wiping and felt a sense of emptiness, which getting hit in the head certainly didn't help with, so he tried inventing that apple in the Multiverse Madness event to get some of them back. it was pure dumb luck that Barry didn't end up witnessing what happened to Craig in the 'Robot Bird' opera and both are completely unaware of the disastrous can of worms that could have opened. bro's gonna end up like wallflower blush if he doesn't keep that memory erasing under control
and finally...
under his helmet, Craig has messy dirty-blonde hair, a rounded face that has a few stray facial hairs he forgot to shave, a long scar down the left side of his face, hazel coloured eyes and pale skin. this design is inspired by the designs made by @dexterno-artz and @schnabel53 respectively :D
this is a sketch of my finalised(ish) craig design!!! i've shown earlier versions of this guy in a couple of older posts but i haven't really revised his design much until now. i kinda had the idea of him looking like a stereotypical nerd and then made him messier. i might tone the amount of hair he has down a tiny bit but also i really like the nerdy bird's nest thing he has goin on :) i like to think he literally hasn't brushed his hair in several weeks and it's just become a bird's nest from nights of staying up doing science stuff
how i feel about barry tbh. he's literally so dumb i love him
(also apologies for the photos being kinda blurry and me forgetting to turn off the filter. again. in my defence it looks really nice and orange on my phone)
sometimes i like drawing him saying stuff from the shorts to get a feel of how he'd look when talking and make sure he looks juuuust nerdy enough for me to go "yep that's craig". also his big,g, handns,s,
drew this as a quick side profile sketch to get a general idea of how i want to draw him from this angle. he's talking to barry offscreen and falling in love with him <3
stupid little comic with a stupid little interaction that would definitely happen between these stupid little guys <3 barry being a little asshole every now and then is very entertaining to me. i need to see him antagonising craig and starting an old couple bickering argument with craig, that would heal me i think
i think i'll post more of this design in the future, i really quite like it a lot :)
#jetpack joyride#craig jetpack joyride 2#jetpack joyride 2#headcanon design#yeag sorry the photos are so fucked looking#my room does not have good lighting.... like..... at all#my sketchbook is also literally falling to pieces lmao#i'm gonna get a new one soon but damn. my poor sketchbook#i didnt even do anything to it....... why must it fall apart and die on me..........#anyway YEAH craig design!!!!#i quite like this design a lot#i feel like there's something that could be added to it but i don't wanna make his design more complicated than it already is#that first drawing of him kinda looks like his eye is bleeding lol#it's just a really big scar dw#craig having traumatic cataract was inspired by my dog getting traumatic glaucoma in his eye#also i think craig would go hard as like. a character who's similar to wallflower blush#except instead of everyone forgetting her but her remembering them#it's craig forgetting everything that happened to him and then finding a way to restore the memories and then he gets SO PISSED at barry#they'll sure need a lot of couple's counselling after that blunder#i kinda wanna make designs for steve and toni#especially steve!!!#how do you think they'd identify steve from the other scientists. would barry just stick a big piece of paper with an S on it to his face#answering my own question: yes he would absolutely do that#steve is the one i feel like both barry and craig tease the most#i find steve literally being so nervous about being perceived that he runs away and damages property to be extremely relatable#also fun fact: craig's hair and eye colours are kinda based off the colour i see the word craig in???#ok this is gonna be tricky to explain but i think i might have grapheme colour synesthesia#it's basically a condition where you can see or VERY heavily associate colours to a specific number or letter#and for some reason my brain has christened 'craig' as being a very specific sort of yellowy green! it's what i see in my head when i think#-of the word 'craig' so i decided to make him kinda blonde and have hazel eyes (which is basically a mix of green and yellow)!! neato!!
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HELLO EVERY ONE :D ...my sona :3 .....whenever you reblog from me or like my posts this^ is who you make smile. if you even care.
This is the Iron-beest. It's a chimera-like creature that lives in a magical comfort world in my head where everyone is a wild creature that roams and forages all day. I hate absolutely fixed character design and the whole point of this animal is to be fun for me personally, so its physical traits can shift around a bit. It can have hooves, paws, or talons, but never hands or anything with prehensile thumbs. Its tail can take on a variety of forms, and sometimes I'll just draw it short. I switch between giving it a catlike head, a hoglike head, and a tapir head. Its ears tend to be small and gently rounded. It is always stocky and big, with lots of fat and muscle. I haven't colored any of these yet, but its fur changes color year round and never grows the same color pattern twice :)
#my art#and uhhh..#cw blood#tw blood#i guess?? its dried.#i had a bloody nose and there was a moment b4 i had access to a tissue where i just had to let it drip into my hand and i was fumbling arou#btw i am totally showing my ass and getting vulnerable with this^#this character is heavily related to how I see myself#which is of course influenced by my autism.#tbh if i had been born a few years later i wouldve been a therian by now lol#TIB
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also a few people in the notes brought up:
it seems (from rough observation, not any surveys yet) that in general fandom culrure:
-a lot of characters that are commonly headcanoned as trans men are male in canon (ie the character transitioned years before canon)
-a lot of characters that are commonly headcanoned as trans women are... also male in canon (ie the character is still an egg/closeted)
and i think that raises a lot about 1: fandom's seeming inability to connect to characters that are female in canon 2: the differences in how people view trans men vs trans women and our transition processes
"he's a girl to me" isn't a substitution for ever giving a shit about female characters
#a bit ago i made a generic post that was like ''haha i can't stop thinking about my favorite character''#(which i kept vague for humour sake but i was 100% thinking abt lucretia adventurezone bc i love her lol)#and ppl were reblogging it and tagging their fav characters and like 80% of the characters were men#so i added the ''for a dollar‚ name a woman'' meme at the end#AND A FEW PPL IN THE NOTES WERE OUTRIGHT LIKE ''TEEHEE I CAN'T NAME A WOMAN OOPSIE''#how do you people live like this...#these tags aren't related directly to the subject of like he's like a girl to me and trans headcanons#but i'm just. god. ppl do not care enough abt female characters#funny enough i was the opposite as a teen and loved the female characters wayyy more than the males#like it took A LOT to make me give a single shit abt a male character but i like the ladies very easily#i'm not like that as strongly anymore like i do like plenty of male characters now#which is kinda nice. like twice the characters available to love#but i think i still have a slight preference towards women#tho canon nonbinary or heavily nb coded characters are probably the ones i love the most. for obvious projection reasons.#but those are rare. and were practically non-existent when i was younger
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there are some scenes in the light novel i really wished made it to the manhwa. of the ones i liked so far:
-Prince Tyrone trying to fight Lyla by throwing a snow storm at her and Paris stepping in to stop it sheerly because he felt like it. Which then proceeds to him learning Lyla's name and following her, freaking her the hell out as she tries to navigate not gaining his interest, and which then leads him to connecting the dots and sending her to Fian
-Paris apparently fighting off other people from approaching Fian and even going to his father and telling him not to put Fian in with the Kylon Imperial Knights bc he didn't want Fian to be swarmed by humans
-Helene telling Odelia and Tyrone to shut up when they insulted Lyla. I'm so upset these scenes aren't canon (tho obviously it's understandable why they aren't) and i hope Helene in the manhwa gets to protect Lyla like this sometime in the future
-Fian takes Lyla out for a ride during the festival in his dragon form. which was adorably cute
-Helene approaching Lyla and asking her if she was sad about her mother's passing, patting Lyla affectionately and telling her "it's okay to be sad" only to end up crying when she leaves, much to Lyla's shock
-Helene telling Paris that she wants Lyla dead because she doesn't want to look at the girl and remember things she wants to forget but can't erase herself bc apparently memory erasure isn't a thing. This is not a spoiler because it's an AU as fuck thing from the manhwa im 100% sure. but yeah Helene's fucked up as a character and she might not be telling the truth here bc so far the LN is making her feel like she could be a liar but i honestly can't get a read on her in the LN aside from the fact she's probably messed up af
-on that note, Paris kneeling to Helene and pledging loyalty to her was really neat. The actions he took before it though...well let's just say i like the manhwa's take on their talk about Daniel more :>
-Helene being unhinged. God do i enjoy her being unhinged. If you think manhwa her is at all unhinged, oh you don't know the half of it
-also Paris bickering with Helene at the hunting festival banquet by saying "at least i don't try and kill my siblings" after she snarked about how close he was to his cousin was such good use of tension. Im really enjoying that they both feel like they're on their toes around each other in the light novel and that Paris both is fascinated with Helene like in the manhwa but also he tries his best to "nope" out of helping her and her demands
-Helene watched Lyla still the Dragon's Heart Fragment from the Imperial Vault and knew she took the fake. It's all but implied she was the one watching Lyla steal it (tho not much has really come of that funnily enough)
#TME LN#The Mighty Extra#im 45 chapters in (up to the talk Paris has with Helene about Daniel awakening as a dragon) and i have some thoughts LMAO#im ngl i think i prefer the manhwa more because everything feels more cleverly written there than it does in the LN#bc the light novel feels more#disjointed?#disconnected?#something like that#i have a harder time connecting to the characters (and rely heavily on my attachment to the manhwa versions of them to carry me lol)#but i like getting more information about this world and how it operates and more about stuff the manhwa skimps on#such as OG!Helene's relationship with Paris and Fian#or how the Dragon's Heart Fragment and it's association to Helene shouldn't be overlooked whatsoever#i will say that i prefer the manhwa for its plot and character cast/development#but i think i like the light novel more in terms of world-building and how more realistic Lyla feels as a character#like no joke one of my favorite lines of hers is “while Helene and Odelia were arguing about politics i was thinking of dinner”#like damn Lyla stop being relatable as fuck#tho i wish the story would revolve a little less around her like it does in the manhwa#Paris being more interested in Lyla than Helene for example makes me D:#bc part of what makes Paris so appealing is in the manhwa is that he's the only dragon who doesn't really care about Lyla#which shows that she's not the center of the universe whereas in here that's less the case :/#also btw did you know there's like 180 chapters and each chapter correlates to roughly the same number in the manhwa#so hypothetically by the time the manhwa ends it should have about 180 episodes total#and currently it's only at 82?#wild~
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How your disabled character's allies react to their disability can make or break the representation in your story: Writing Disability Quick Tips
[ID: An image with “Writing Disability quick tips: How your character's allies react to their disability matters” written in chalk the colour of the disability pride flag, from left to right, red, yellow, white, blue and green. Beside the text are 2 poorly drawn people icons in green, one is standing with their hand up to the face of the other, who is in a wheelchair. /End ID]
Something I brought up in my big post about Toph Beifong was how the other characters reacted to Toph pointing out that things were not accessible to her and setting boundaries regarding her disability, which were ignored. I had more to say about it than I thought I did, as it turns out (when isn't that the case lol) but I feel like this is an important aspect of disability representation that is all too often over looked.
You can write the best, most accurate portrayal of a specific disability ever put to screen or page, but it won't mean much if all the other characters, specifically those we're supposed to like and empathise with, treat your character terribly for being disabled and having needs relating to said disability, especially if the story justifies their behaviour.
You see this most often with autistic characters and especially autistic-coded characters. The character in question will be given a bunch of autistic traits, most often traits relating to not understanding certain social dynamics or sarcasm, and when they get it wrong, the other characters we are supposed to like jump down their throat, tease them or outright abandon them. Autism isn't the only disability that gets treated this way, but it is one of the more common ones that get this treatment. It doesn't matter if you do everything else right when creating an autistic character if the other "good guys" constantly call them annoying, get angry at them or laugh at them for the very traits that make them autistic, or for advocating for their needs.
Likewise, if you have a leg amputee character who is otherwise done well, but is constantly being criticised by their allies for needing to rest their legs or taking too long to get their prosthetics on, it undermines a lot of the other work you've done. Same goes for having a wheelchair user who is accused of being a bore or a stick in the mud because they point out the places their friends want to go to on a group holiday have no wheelchair access, or a deaf character who is accused of being entitled for wanting their family to learn to sign, or anything else.
This isn't to say you can never have moments like these in your stories, but its important to remember that a) people with the same disability as your character will be in your audience. If you spend a whole season of your TV show shaming your autistic character for real traits that real autistic people have, they're not exactly going to feel welcome and may not want to hang around. b) it's going to very, very heavily impact people's perceptions of your "heros" who do this, especially in they eyes of your audience members who share the character's disability or who have had similar experiences. This isn't like calling someone a mean name or being a bit of a dick when you're sleepy, it's going to take a lot to regain audience appeal for the offending character, and depending on exactly what they do and how frequently they do it, they may not even be able to come back from it at all. And finally, c) there should be a point to it outside of just shaming this character and saying the other guy is an asshole. Like I said before, you're character is criticising real people's real disabilities and the traits or problems that come with them, things that they often have no control over, it shouldn't be used as a cheap, quick way to establish a quirky enemies to lovers dynamic or show that one guy is kind of an ass before his redemption arc. If you really must have your characters do this, be mindful of when and how you use it.
#Writing disability with Cy Cyborg#Quick tips#Disability#Disabled#Disability Representation#Writing Disability#Writing#Writeblr#Authors#Creators#Writing Advice#Disabled Characters#On Writing
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❤︎ ₊ ⊹ get free (1/3)
pic creds luvpngs | gif creds akashi-tetsuki
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: asylum patient!nikolai x asylum attendant!fem!reader
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: v suggestive w/ plot (yasssss); read at your own discretion
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: unhealthy relationships, infidelity, slightly yandere(?) nikolai, dubious consent, nikolai himself is a warning lol, also sorry if the asylum! au is inaccurate
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ summary: reader is an asylum attendant and is assigned to their newest admit nikolai gogol. ALSO this fic is heavily inspired by @/cherikolya's fic she's the one i'm running with- pls check it out and support her! also i'm splitting this up into 2 parts bc watching the aot anime has been breaking me and consuming all my thoughts, but i still want to post:( ˚₊‧꒰ა read pt 2 & pt 3 & bonus (bad ending) ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ word count: 5.7k (oops...what can i say nikolai makes me delulu)
"Nikolai Gogol. Age 26. Male. Charged with terrorism, first-degree murder, and treason among other things, but he got off with an insanity plea. Look over his file before he comes in later." The man behind the desk tossed the neat file carelessly onto the acrylic surface, exhaling boredly after giving his monotone rundown.
"I'm being assigned to him? But I already have other patients to take care of!" You inquired, fists forming at your sides as you already imagined the overtime and exhaustion you were going to rack up.
"Attendants don't grow on trees, do they? Don't assume I'll give you special treatment. Besides, I'm handing your other patients off to the new girls, so you'll be able to focus on Gogol. He's high priority." The man butted back.
Tch. You sighed and grabbed the file, mumbling a "fine" and turning to leave his office.
"Goodbye, dear." He spat it out like venom with a forced smile. You glanced back once more at the man: your boss⎯or rather husband⎯before heading out the door. You two were simply a marriage of convenience⎯a business transaction. In exchange for funding to build a new asylum on par with Mersault to rehabilitate criminals, your father had offered your hand in marriage to his business partner's son, who had become entranced by your beauty after seeing you once in your father's office. He wasn't too bad of a man at first, and you both related over your occupation together, but your marriage started to go sour after he realized you weren't just a pretty face or obedient wife, and it worsened after his narcissism and egocentricity started to show. He was too traditional and trapped you in his cage of rules and regulations. Even sharing the same bed and having dinner together couldn't reignite the nonexistent spark between you.
You walked back to your office and closed the door behind you before making yourself some herbal tea to calm your nerves. Laying down on the plush couch in the middle of your room, you looked through your new patient's file, trying to memorize all the details.
Nikolai Gogol, huh? What kind of person are you? You shivered reading the list of his crimes, which seemed endless and cruel.
An hour or so had passed before you heard a soft knock at your door. "Miss?" Another attendant had come to fetch you. "Your patient is waiting for you in the white ward." The white ward was where "high priority" or more dangerous patients were kept.
"I'll be out in a moment!" You called out, getting up from the couch and tidying up the space before fixing your hair and pulling down your uniform. It was a black flowy dress with puffy bell sleeves and a white rounded collar. The dress itself was a bit too short, being designed and chosen by your gross and perverted lovely husband. You walked out the comfort of your office and followed the attendant to the white ward.
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
"Miss, this is your patient Nikolai Gogol". The attendant gestured to the tall man standing in the hallway outside of his room. He was strapped and held by two guards, with several others surrounding him holding special guns. He had a neutral smile on his face that turned upwards upon seeing you. You couldn't help but be momentarily mesmerized by the man in front of you. He wore a loose white button up and white linen pants⎯the standard male patient uniform⎯and his white hair was messily layered with a long, neat braid on his shoulder. His eyes were the most captivating to you, one emerald and full of life and the other a dull blue with a scar. Without the jester attire donned in his file pictures, he actually looked quite...handsome and prince-like?
You snapped yourself back to reality after remembering who you were dealing with and bowed slightly, just enough to stop your dress from riding up.
Observing the situation, you could sense the belligerence seething from everyone else. Not that you could blame them, the new patient was a dangerous anarchist. Your personal philosophy was always to treat the patient as humanely as possible in order to build trust and security, so you tried to not think about your new patient's file information. Just focus on diffusing the energy of the space and getting the jester to somewhat like you.
"Hello, Nikolai. I'm your attendant and will be taking care of you for the duration of your stay here," You looked back up and smiled gently at him, starkly contrasting the hostile glares from the other attendant and guards. "Let's get along, okay?"
Nikolai's eyes widened immediately and he tried to move closer to you. "Whaaaa! Nice to meet you, pretty miss! I can't believe such a beautiful girl is taking care of me!" The two guards forcibly stopped him from taking another step and the others pointed their guns at him.
Nikolai frowned and stopped squirming. "Hey! All I did was talk! Put those scary things away!" He giggled as the guards retracted their guns slowly and stuck his tongue out at the other attendant, who looked disgusted yet scared. He wasn't intimidated or scared at all. The guards then opened the door to Nikolai's room and placed him sitting down on his bed. Before you could follow to begin debriefing, the other attendant tugged on your arm lightly.
You turned back at looked at her. She had a fluffy blonde bob, light green eyes, and freckles. Lacey, one of the young new hires your husband mentioned earlier. "Um Miss, aren't we supposed to follow the script when interacting with patients? I thought smiling at them and speaking casually promoted unwanted feelings and was unprofessional?" You cringed, loathing that she sounded just like your husband when he was lecturing.
You shot her a fake sugary smile, "Oh, yes, I usually just take a softer approach with more unstable patients. Don't want them to stab you in the back immediately, do you?" You tried to answer lightheartedly, but your efforts clearly failed by the way Lacey had a horrified look on her face from your little joke, like it was the worst answer you could've said. You awkwardly coughed and put your hand on her shoulder.
"Right, thanks for reminding me, Lacey. It's great that you remembered the boss's words." Rolling your eyes once your back was turned to her, you stepped into Nikolai's room. You already dreaded Lacey telling your husband about you deviating from protocol and the long talk he would have with you at home.
"Four of us will be staying here to observe the debrief, Miss. This man is dangerous." You nodded as each of the four the guards stood in a corner of the room and the rest filed out of the room. You pulled up a stool and sat down, giving your new patient a run down of his daily schedule and how the asylum operated. The whole time, his eyes watched you excitedly like a puppy and he giggled and nodded frequently in between your sentences. It was strange and unsettling, but you were slightly relieved you didn't have to deal with an aggressive patient.
Scooting closer to Nikolai, you pulled out a small water bottle and a case of different pills. "These are your daily meds, Nikolai. I'll come to give these to you every morning at six before breakfast. I'll monitor your progress and adjust your dosage as time goes on." He nodded as you stood up and placed the water bottle on the stool, putting on a white latex glove and pouring the pills out into your hand. "I'm going to be administering them to you just for today. Open your mouth and don't close it until I'm done, okay?"
"Okay, missy! I'll be a good boy and try not to bite your pretty fingers off!" Nikolai perked up and giggled like a child getting candy. You mentally cringed and prepared yourself for the worst as you stepped towards him. What could you expect? This man was dangerous and had no reason to listen to you. The guards tensed up as you moved closer and pointed their guns at the jester's face. You swallowed as Nikolai opened his mouth, obnoxiously saying "ahhhhhhhh" and bouncing in his spot lightly.
Heartbeat increasing, you placed your free hand under Nikolai's jaw, thumb supporting his chin and lifted his face up slightly to you as you dropped the pills into his mouth. Mind racing and anxiousness clouding your vision, you missed the way he gaze softened. He closed his mouth and leaned into your touch more, nuzzling your delicate fingers. You swiftly pulled away, turning your head back to grab the water bottle behind you, attempting to hide the light rose that dusted your cheeks, unsure of whether it was from fear or embarrassment. Nikolai's eyes were still intently on you, so you secretly hoped he had missed that.
As you opened up the water bottle and stepped back towards Nikolai again, he shook his head. "I already swallowed them, I don't need any water, miss attendant." He opened his mouth again to show you proof before you sighed out an "okay" and tightened the cap back on. You grabbed the empty pill case before gesturing to the guards to put their guns down. They complied and two came over to slowly undo the restraints on his upper body, making sure to hold him back immediately after.
"Well, Nikolai, that's all for today. Thank you, and I⎯"
"Whoa, missy, you have a ring! Too bad you're already married!" Nikolai interrupted, his head poking up but quickly being pushed down by one of the guards. You cursed yourself silently as you froze in place. Since you had to move around a lot and constantly clean, you wore your wedding ring on a simple gold chain as a necklace instead. It was usually tucked under your uniform, but it must have slipped out when you were laying on your couch earlier. You cleared your throat awkwardly, tucking your necklace back into your uniform and trying to get rid of the instinctive frown on your face that appeared anytime your partner was mentioned.
"Yes, I'm married. Anyways⎯"
“But you held my face so lovingly just now. Won't your husband get mad? You're supposed to do that to him, not your new captive, right?"
You tightened your fists at that.
"That man…does he treat you well, pryntsesa?" Even though his head was held down, his dark gaze still cut into you, now not as innocent as it was before. You were sure the cheeky man was smirking too, taunting you with an otherwise harmless question.
You let out a fake laugh and an even faker wide smile in response, just eager to leave and go home now. Whatever charm you had your patient initially under had clearly faded away. "I'll see you tomorrow at six, Mr. Gogol." Nikolai's smirk turned down after hearing the name change, but quickly turned back up again followed by loud hysterical laughs⎯unbeknownst to you, who had already left his room.
"So the little ptashka wants to play games, does she?"
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
"Thanks for dinner, dear." Your husband said, wiping his mouth with a neatly folded handkerchief.
Shocking. Is he being...nice?
"Of course, I've already packed your lunch for tomorrow, too." You replied, occupied washing dishes and organizing the kitchen again.
"So, how was your first encounter with Gogol?" He inquired, walking over to you to put his dishes into the sink and lean against the counter beside you. You stopped for a moment, surprised he was making conversation with you today, as he usually retreated back to your shared bedroom or went to the living room to watch the news.
You were about to start until you noticed his brows furrowed and his arms crossed. You took your rubber gloves off and placed them next to you.
Oh boy, he's about to lecture me, isn't he?
"What are you really trying to say?"
He exhaled. "Well, Lacey⎯"
That snitch. You couldn't believe her.
"Ahhh, Lacey. The sweet young new girl you hired as extra help. What about her?" Your spouse's eyes narrowed.
"Respect your coworkers, dear. Lacey told me about your unprofessional interaction with Gogol. Smiling at a murderer and treating patients as friends doesn't exactly align with the asylum's values, now does it?" He said sternly.
"I was just trying to immobilize him. You can't exactly make a patient trust you when everyone's just shooting daggers at them, y'know?" He didn't look convinced. "Besides, this has always been my approach since I started in this field, and it's never failed me. You more than anyone should know I have the most successful recoveries among all the staff."
"Fine. Just make sure your unorthodox tendencies don't rub off on the other staff." He looked down at your neck. "And don't tuck your necklace under your uniform anymore. Don't want all the delinquents getting the wrong idea. You're off the market now" He lifted the chain of your necklace and traced the outline of the ring before letting go and walking to grab his coat and a pack of cigarettes.
"Going outside for a smoke break. You should get to bed and get some sleep for the long day tomorrow" He replied before walking out the door, your eyes following him.
You didn't miss the way he swiftly grabbed the keys and fixed his hair before leaving.
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
"Good morning, dove!" Nikolai chirped upon you entering his room.
"Good morning, Nikolai. Did you sleep well?" You asked softly, taking his medication out and handing it to him, along with some Ukrainian candy.
"Mmhmm, yes I did! I had a sweet dream, too, doll, but I can't tell you what it was about!" He said excitedly. Used to his antics, you only laughed in response and watched as he took his pills⎯still without water for whatever reason and unwrapped the minky binky candy, popping it into his mouth.
Five weeks. That was how long it'd been since Nikolai was admitted to the asylum.
Despite your initial worries of dealing with a monster, you and Nikolai had gotten along quite well. He seemed to only listen to you, though, much to the dismay of the other attendants. It was beneficial for you though, since it meant you didn't have to work overtime seeing to other patients.
Nikolai had developed a habit of calling you by anything but your name, bestowing several different pet names on you⎯a new upgrade from "miss" and "missy".
He also became increasingly touchy with you as well: constantly holding your hand⎯intertwining his fingers with yours, braiding your hair, and hugging you when he felt "cold". Perhaps you were desensitized to it or just touch starved, but you rarely complained about it. You would rather keep him happy and easy to deal with, anyways.
"Look, pretty girl, I finished all my meds!" Nikolai exclaimed as he opened his mouth to show you proof that he swallowed them all.
You gave him a friendly smile. "You aren't having any bad side effects from your meds, are you?" You found it a bit odd that Nikolai's dosage never changed, since no one could pinpoint his exact condition. It made your job easy, though, so you tried not to think much about it.
"No ma'am. I had some trouble sleeping at first, but it's all gone now!" He stood up from his bed and watched as you straightened it up⎯simultaneously checking for anything suspicious. There never was anything somehow.
His hands loosely wrapped around your waist as he pressed himself against your bent back and rested his chin on your shoulder, causing you to push your hands into the sheets and wrinkle the thin blanket. You let out a surprised squeal when you felt his warm breath on your ear.
"Love, can we eat breakfast in the courtyard today?" He whispered softly, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. You felt yourself blushing as you turned around and pushed him away, his hands still remaining on your waist.
"Y-Yes, N-Nikolai, we can go to the courtyard today." You said, finally stepping away to be free of his touch just for him to hold your hand. He flashed a happy smile at you while skipping out the door, tugging you along with him.
"Yayyyy! Me and ptashka are going on a date~"
"...It's not a date, silly." You replied back, blush still faintly across your cheeks.
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
You inhaled the fresh courtyard air, still holding hands with Nikolai as you walked on the cobblestone path. His breakfast to-go box and your lunchbox were on the nearby bench; you both already ate, but Nikolai basically ate most of your food, claiming the dining hall food was "stale and dry" compared to the pillowy cream puffs you'd brought.
"Wahhhh! Look at the fishies, dove!" Nikolai exclaimed, waving his finger at the koi fish swimming in the fountain. They eagerly swam towards him, probably thinking he was going to feed them. He giggled, eyes focusing in on two of the fish.
"Don't those two look like us, love?" You were snapped out of your previous trance and looked down to see a black koi fish and a larger white koi fish together cuddling into each other.
"Oh, I guess they do. Because of our uniforms, right?" You looked back up to Nikolai to see him frowning and still staring at the fish.
"No, dove, because they're in love..." He said lowly, to the point where you almost couldn't hear him. His gaze softened as he looked back down at you and cupped your face gently.
In love? Us?
Eyes widened, you felt confused as you looked away, not sure how to respond or think. The sudden action caused Nikolai's hands to drop away from your face. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see his disappointed face as you stammered, "We're not in lo⎯"
Your eyes flew open again as you felt something hard in your hand.
A bouquet of lavender roses was in your hand, with Nikolai giving you a big grin with his hands behind his back. "Pretty flowers for my pretty girl." You blushed, forgetting about what had just happened. You had always loved roses and their romantic charm.
When was the last time your husband brought you flowers?
"Lavender roses symbolize delight and love at first sight. They remind me of you." Your eyes widened again as you looked up, Nikolai turning serious and gazing at you affectionately, like you were really lovers.
You found yourself getting lost in his heterochromatic eyes. Somehow, you felt peaceful like this. Even though he was a dangerous criminal. Even though your heart was already sworn to another man.
"Thank you, Nikolai. They're beautiful." You said smiling at him, this time being genuine and not passive. You were falling into a serene state, only able to focus on him. His action had somehow touched your conflicted heart and put you in a good mood.
He laughed happily in response, pleased by your reaction. "You look lovely when you smile like that, sweetheart." He pulled your other hand back to the bench so you could sit.
"Also, you should give me a nickname, too. I have so many, but you only call me Nikolai~" He pouted, scooting next to you on the bench.
"Hmmmm...What should I call you then? Niko? 'Lai? Nikolas...?" You pondered, both of you slightly cringing at all of the options, each one sounding worse than the previous one.
"I know!" Nikolai exclaimed, grabbing your hands⎯still holding the flower bouquet⎯and clasping them together, "Kolya. Call me Kolya. That's what my close friends and family would call me!"
Family? You mean the ones you murdered? You tried to shake the thought.
"Kol⎯Ahh!" You cried out as you felt a deep prick on your left ring finger. You pulled your hand away from Nikolai's and dropped the bouquet, watching the blood drip down your finger and down to your thigh.
Nikolai's eyes filled with concern, "Love! You're hurt!" He rushedly rummaged through his breakfast box and his pockets, trying to find a napkin to stop the bleeding. You tried to calm him down, telling him you were fine, but he wouldn't listen.
Suddenly, he seized your left hand and brought it to his mouth, closing his lips around your ring finger. Shivers ran down your spine as you felt him running his tongue over your finger, getting every last drop of blood and kissing the spot slowly when he finished.
Heat rushed into your cheeks as the air felt thick, no longer serene and peaceful. Nikolai's eyes darkened, and an unreadable expression fell on his face.
"There's still some there, dove." He gazed down at the blood that had dripped onto your thigh. Your stomach churned at the thought of what he would do next as he pushed you down onto the bench and brought his lips to your inner thigh, leaving soft kitten licks all over the spot and lightly groaning.
"Niko⎯Kolya, s-stop⎯" You tried suppressing the moan threatening to spill out from the contact on your sensitive skin. You tried to push him away softly, but he wouldn't stop, now pressing light kisses that travelled up your thigh to your sweet spot. He was getting close. Too close.
You pushed his head away, not trying to be soft anymore, and sat up again, moving to the far side of the bench. You pulled down your dress again to cover your now reddened thigh.
"W-We can't do this. It's wrong. You're my patient, and I'm your attendant. And..." You hesitated, regaining your composure, "...And I'm married." You said, biting your tongue. The gold necklace suddenly felt heavy around your neck, like it was pulling you down.
Nikolai laughed bitterly, "You don't love him though, myla. He's kept you trapped in a cage. Is that what you want, dove? Do you want to be trapped in his cage?"
"I⎯"
"Miss! Mr. Gogol! There you two are! We've been looking everywhere for you both. There's a group wellness activity starting for all the patients, and they're waiting on you." You turned around to hear a familiar high-pitched voice.
Lacey. The snitch new girl.
You put on a fake smile. "My apologies, I completely lost track of time. Lacey, you can escort Nikolai to the group's meeting spot. I'll be retiring to my office for the rest of the day." She nodded as you grabbed the bouquet and your lunchbox and took one last look at Nikolai before standing up from the bench and turning away, "I'll see you tomorrow, Nikolai." You didn't wait for a response back.
It felt too awkward. Everything felt confusing; you knew your place but you also wanted to be free. You liked Nikolai but you didn't know if those feelings could be considered love. You surely didn't love your husband...
All you could do was hold onto the roses and gaze up at a dove flying across the sky. For a moment, you wished to be like that dove. To be elegant, at peace, and loved.
You wished to be free.
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
Taking a deep breath, you forced yourself to scan your access card and enter Nikolai's room. Today was a special day, after all.
"Good morn⎯"
"Love! You're finally here! I was waiting for you~" Nikolai exclaimed as he lunged towards you, burying his face into your neck. He wasn't wrong; The extra time you spent collecting your thoughts and debating going in or not made you two minutes late.
You lightly pushed Nikolai away⎯not before he caught your hands and intertwined them with his again⎯and tried to put a neutral smile on your face. "Nikolai, I have good news for you."
His face lit up as he clasped your hands and brought them towards his chest, "What is it, dove? Are you divorcing your husband and leaving him for me?" He shook your hands excitedly as you eyed him disappointingly. He really wasn't going to drop this lovesick act, was he?
You shook your head and cleared your throat, "No, as a reward for good behavior, you can choose a special place to visit and an item to keep in your room. Your options are the courtyard, the gy⎯"
"The library. I want a book to read." Nikolai stated, suddenly turning serious, taking you slightly aback; you didn't take him as the type to be able to sit still and read for a long time.
"Alright, the library it is then. Take your meds first, and then we can go, 'kay?" He nodded excitedly as you turned away from him to make his bed and do the usual check. Nothing suspicious, as usual.
˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
The guard greeted you both as you approached the grand library doors. It was an old wooden room with tall glass windows that contrasted the relatively short bookshelves. It wasn't exactly a popular destination for patients, so the books were mostly dated and collecting dust. The natural light inside made it one of your favorite break spots during your trainee days, so it was a bit nostalgic for you.
"There are security cameras around the library, but radio in if anything happens." The guard explained sternly, looking over at Nikolai and then you, "Do you need assistance with your patient, or will you two be fine alone?"
You shifted your gaze over to Nikolai, who had a slightly mischievous smile on his face but maintained a serious expression. "We'll be fine alone. He'll behave." The guard nodded at you before opening the door and letting you two in. The door shut firmly and you tried to grab Nikolai's hand, but he dashed away from you towards the large stained glass window before turning to face you.
"It's so big in here, ptashka. I haven't been in a library in sooooooo long. I actually love to read, y'know?" He said, smiling and motioning for you to join him. The colorful stained glass reflected on his face, casting multicolored kaleidoscopes on his face.
You joined him, admiring his beauty momentarily before leaning against the window and crossing your arms. "I didn't know that, no. To be honest, I didn't think you were much of a reader.." You said lightly with a giggle.
Nikolai grinned back, "Heh. There's a lot you don't know about me, dove." He looked away, lowering his voice a bit, "But that's fine. You'll have plenty of time to learn everything later~" You looked at him confusedly, not quite catching what he said, but you remembered the reason you came and grabbed his hand again.
"Anyways, was there a particular book you were looking for? I know this place pretty well." He laughed in response.
"Ah, is that so? Well, I'm looking for The Overcoat. It's my favorite book." Nikolai said proudly, like he was trying to impress you with his literature selection.
"The books are sorted by last name. Do you know the author?" You asked, leading him towards the bookshelves. Nikolai just squeezed your hand and started skipping forward at a fast pace, practically dragging you behind him as he started giggling hysterically.
"Nope! Not a clue, hehe~" You paused and frowned at him. Who didn't even know the author of their "favorite" book? "The genre's fiction, though, if it helps~" Nikolai said giddily, turning towards you and swinging your arms from side to side. You sighed and slowly headed over to the fiction section. There were about 1,000 books to go through, so you weren't exactly too excited. Not that it bummed you out too much, though, since your husband had asked you to help the new girls clean if you finished early with patient duties. You supposed you'd rather spend your time with Nikolai finding his book.
You both agreed to search the shelves simultaneously, Nikolai looking on the higher shelves and you on the shorter ones. The space between shelves was quite narrow, making his chest rub against your back several times. He wasn't shy either, grabbing your hips to maneuver past you, causing you to jolt when he pressed himself behind you.
Starting to lose count of how many books and shelves you'd checked, you were falling into a tired daze until Nikolai's sudden shout woke you up. "I found it, dove! I'm the winner! Me, me, me!" You looked over to Nikolai, who now had his book in his hands, and shot him a relieved smile.
He hurriedly headed towards you as you gave him some congratulatory praise. "Guess our work's done here, then. Let's get some lunch and call it a da⎯"
He hugged you suddenly, making you yelp as he giggled and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling your back against him. He leaned in by your ear, squeezing you tighter, inhaling your scent, "Say, dove, do you still have the roses I gave you from the courtyard?" You perked up toward him as he smiled, awaiting your response.
You did. You'd placed them in a small glass vase⎯trimming the thorns off⎯and put it on your dresser. Somehow, the sickly sweet smell was stronger in your room than it was in the courtyard. "Yeah," you smiled, "They're in a vase by my dresser. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them because of how beautiful they were." Nikolai snickered at that, delighted that you'd cherished his little gift.
He slowly smirked, "Your husband doesn't give you flowers, does he?" You tensed up a bit under his arms but relaxed again, frowning and looking down.
"No, he doesn't. I think the last time was during our honeymoon." Nikolai cuddled into your neck after that, rubbing your sides like he was trying to comfort you.
"What a shame, love. You should leave him for me. He doesn't deserve you." Nikolai said, his teeth barely grazing your ear, sending shivers down your spine. Was the space always this narrow?
"I can't. It doesn't work like tha⎯"
"Why not, though? Leave him for me. I'm actually perfectly sane, y'know? I know how to make you happy, how to free you from his cage..." He paused, "How to touch you..." His hands on your waist trailed down, pushing your skirt up higher.
"H-hey!" You stammered, stopping his hands from going further with your own, "We can't do this. There are cameras here." You anxiously looked around, trying to find them, but Nikolai's hand grabbed your face and pulled it back down to him.
"Shhhhhh. Stop worrying, myla. This is a blind spot. It's covered by the light, see?" He tilted your face up slowly again toward the camera, which was in fact covered by a big, dusty lantern. How convenient.
He pushed your skirt up again and grinded himself on you, and you swore you could feel his bulge pressing up against you. "You've been driving me crazy, dove, since yesterday I've only been able to think about you," he grunted, slipping his hands into your loosened dress and under your lacy bra to palm and squeeze your breasts. "The sounds you made...I wanna hear them again."
Your head was screaming at you to run away and get the guard, but you couldn't ignore the wet spots on your matching lace panties from your arousal. To be honest, you didn't remember the last time you'd been this intimate with anyone, and your body was clearly craving touch. Your breath hitched as Nikolai kissed below your ear, working his way down to the crook of your neck. You were starting to feel lightheaded.
Becoming more desperate for a reaction, Nikolai suddenly pinched your sensitive nipples and bit down on your neck, causing you to yelp in pleasure. "A-ahh K-Kolya⎯" The sudden impact caused you to push back against his clothed member and grip onto the sturdy shelf in front of you for support. You could feel him grinning in satisfaction, letting out a low groan.
"Mmm there's the pretty noise I wanted to hear~" Nikolai replaced his lips with his tongue, trailing slowly up and down your neck as you kept bucking against him, needing more friction. "Dove," he heaved as you mewled upon feeling his tip brush against your clit through eachother's clothes. He couldn't handle seeing you start to lose yourself. "F-fuck, kiss me".
Nikolai grabbed your hips suddenly and turned you around, so your back was against the wooden shelf. You looked up at his face; he was panting heavily, eyes filled with lust, and a few strands loose from his usual kept braid. The sight of him made your cheeks flush and your panties even wetter. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in, bringing one hand to his lips and tracing his bottom lip with your thumb. You gazed intently at his lips. Just one kiss will be fine, right?
Both of your noses were practically rubbing against each other as Nikolai started to dip down. "Kolya, I⎯"
BAM!
You instinctively pulled away as you recognized the sound of the old library door being kicked down. As the stomping of the guards' boots grew closer, you pushed Nikolai off your body and fixed your dress. Nikolai shot you a surprised glance as the guards knocked down the heavy bookshelves to open up the space around the two of you, eliminating the narrow confines. You couldn't process what was happening as five guards circled around Nikolai, drawing their guns and pointing them at him as he put his hands up. Another guard was slowly approaching you, lifting the walkie talkie up to his mouth.
"06, copy. Patient Gogol has been surrounded and apprehended successfully. We're on our way to the interrogation room," He glanced over to you, still sitting down in shock, "His attendant's here, too. We'll bring her to you, Boss."
Boss? Your husband? Shit, had you been caught?
You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even notice Nikolai being handcuffed and pushed out the door⎯or the way he looked back at you⎯until the guard put his hand on your shoulder and called out your name. "Miss, we need to get going. We'll explain everything once we're with the boss again." He helped you up as you trailed slowly behind him with a churning stomach and The Overcoat clutched tightly in your arms.
˚₊‧꒰ა part 2 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
˚₊‧꒰ა part 3 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚
#vanilladove#vanilladovebsd#bungo stray dogs#nikolai x reader#nikolai gogol x reader#nikolai smut#bsd smut#bungou stray dogs#bsd#nikolai gogol x reader smut#nikolai gogol#nikolai gogol smut#nikolai x reader smut#bsd x reader#bungo stray dogs x reader#not me having to rewrite this twice bc tumblr didnt save properly#way too many words lol#splitting this up into 3 parts bc aot has been breaking me
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getting serious Fionna and Cake flashbacks from that Sozonius comic ngl
Introducing Follower gang!
There. Finally did all the Bishops follower designs!
The 7 deadly sins
And some other follower gang, done with lineart this time because the other 2 pieces made me lose my soul for how long they took.
(Also a small HC if I may: Dr. Sozonius is trapped inside the mushroom on Sozos head, while the actual mushroom is controlling his body)
+ some more doodles
Info about the 7 Sins and more doodles below:
Jeg represents Greed - he was one of the first of Lamb's followers. (At first, it was very difficult for Lambert to indoctrinate people, due to their inexperience, this guy was like the 5th or so) Jeg has...a very specific personality to say the least, yet the Lamb can't help but be fond of him. They eventually nominate him the Tax enforcer role and...That might've been the worst decision of their life. But they did not take the role away. Jeg acts smug 24/7 and relishes in his new power, but deep down, dudes pretty insecure, ( but don't tell anyone!) He used to have a huge crush on the lamb, but then Narinder and eventually the other bishops came, and since their leader was for some reason head over heels for the ex god of death, Jeg grew bitter and often got into fights with Nari, as well as charging him and his other siblings more than the average follower. Though he's mostly mellowed out since then.
Brash represents Gluttony They despise Helob, since they used to fight for "food" a lot, and eventually Brash got really injured and was found by the Lamb. She tried to eat them, but was quickly disarmed. Despite this, they decided to spare him and bring his sorry ass back to the cult to indoctrinate. They were very cunning and didn't trust the lamb either, but eventually they cooled off and accepted the new life. She still eats people tho, just not from the cult, otherwise jail or *worse*
Yara represents Pride She is one of the core followers. She's very strict and somewhat self-centered, she likes things done her way, or if not her way, the lambs way. Period. No one else can boss her around or even give a helpful advice. She's actually a pretty stand up deer, and despite being incredibly stubborn still makes a good friend. She gets along with most people though Brash annoys her, since he keeps snatching body parts off corpses. She has always been extremely devoted to the lamb and will be annoyed if any follower dissents and tries to preach against them. She wasn't surprised in the slightest when they eventually took down all the bishops.
Thorn represents Envy He had a pretty terrible life before the cult. When he was brought in, she was bitter about her newfound situation. He wasn't very trusting of the lamb and thought they expected something out of her (which technically they did, but it's just work). He envies the fools who are so oblivious and just do everything as they're told and let their lives be guided by some amateur god. Similar to the other two, he puts on a mask, He often acts overly saccharine to hide his true feelings, but doesn't have any bad intentions. (Most of the time) She does genuinely like some people, but others, he only pretends to like to appease the lamb or to blackmail them. He hates when the people he actually cares about are threatened.
Jermo represents Wrath Jermo absolutely does not trust anyone. Similar to Thorn, and most other followers tbh, their life was absolutely horrible prior to the cult. They trusted some people, they got betrayed, and almost died several times because of it. It was extremely difficult for the lamb to make them stop dissenting. They legit had to give them the loyalty necklace in order for them to finally stop dissenting. Jermo keeps getting into fights with other followers, because they feel as though everyone is always against them or is constantly judging them. (They're technically not wrong) They've died 5 times, because they keep getting into fights with other followers. Lamb strongly considered keeping them dead, but decided to challenge themself with them (also they're too cuddly to just be killed off) Despite their many, *many* flaws, Thorn has a huge crush on them, since he's one of the people who managed to see their soft side. Jermo, deep, deep, deep down actually cares a lot, but they've been hurt too much by everyone, so they retaliate for the same stuff to not repeat.
Herett represents Lust At some point, she passingly heard about the cult and since it seemed like a peaceful place from the rumors (and also had hot people in it) she eagerly joined in. She's usually in the kitchen area, if not hanging around the love tent or babysitting some kids. She crushes on almost everyone, but for some reason she hates Kallamar (legit in my actual game she rejected him so hard, despite having the lustful trait and not caring prior)
Mateo represents Sloth Is perhaps the 1st or 2nd of Lambs followers, so they're absolutely not letting go of him, dudes lived 4 long lives and is tired of it, he keeps switching jobs since with age he's been slacking off more. He's currently stuck as a janitor (he hates it) He's also one of the few people who managed to befriend Jermo, his mellow, don't care attitude is somewhat comforting to them. Aside that, he gets along with almost everyone, as best as he can at least.
Not much else to say about the gang in the third pic but Riley and Dannie are platonic bffs and were forced to babysit kids when the lamb was crusading. The lamb was a little incompetent here to give carnivores children to take care of, but thankfully they actually managed to be good with them and got used to being on nanny duty.
The capybara (Beige) is a retired teacher and adopted a little owlet to take care of (Chip)
While Femur is our below yellow cat, and that's my HC name for him. He's a gatherer here.
#Cotl#Cotl followers#Cult of the lamb#Rip kallamar lol#His self-esteem's shit enough as it is#Also so valid of Herett to be lustful towards literally every gender and type except sub cis men#And/or not having a tentacle kink#Can't exactly relate to all of that but I respect a woman who knows what she likes#Also I thought Yara was a cow at first too because I forgot that “meat cow” wasn't a variant#Which I thought would be funny because then we'd have a butcher cow and a cook cow#Also thought she'd be Envy because of it#Genuinely was not expecting the two-faced Thorn#Fanart would bang though I think#Lastly I relate to Jermo#For many reasons actually#Also the particular hatred for Shamura is extremely intriguing for me personally#Anyway I think this might be a sign that I might actually be they/them. I haven't been sure (AFAB) but I have been heavily considering it#... or I shouldn't be basing my gender off of someone else's interpretations of their fictional cult followers from a video game.#Finally I already like Femur a lot but that's mostly because of a character in a different video game who is my daughter#Do you ship him with Leshy?#And speaking of Leshy#How does he interact with Thorn as a coworker?#Something tells me the former God of Chaos and the sin of Envy would NOT get along#But only one of them would press the other on it#God this reminds me of me and my sister#I really hope you don't write a scene like this because I might start hating Thorn#Not genuinely but like. Because she'd respond to confrontation the same way two people in my life actually do#So... nothing wrong with that#But also that's practically incest-#IM SORRY IM SORRY I DIDNT MEAN IT IT WAS A JOKE
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Wait this is actually interesting, so from what the story implies, Wild Rose Castle is weaker than Black Scale Castle because it probably has no magical atmosphere that serves as its defense, there's probably fewer troops here, and the fact that its just on a clear meadow makes the terrain not suitable for defenses unlike Black Scale who is atop a mountain and covered in a Valley.
So I kinda think that Wild Rose Castle is a newly built castle in Briarland. After all, Meleanor was a kid only 200 years ago so Wild Briar is probably that age as well (or more), i think that age is young (compared to Black Scale which probably several centuries old?) thats why it has weaker defense facilities.
Maybe Wild Briar is older as Black Scale, but this game says this is Meleanor's castle so I assume she's the one who had built this.
But I have this HC that this castle is actually built because of Levan. For his diplomatic mission between humans. Building a castle in an easy terrain would make sense to make it easier for magicless humans to transport in. Because I don't really expect(?) Maleanor who is a military commander, which she probably has knowledge of strategies, to not see how disadvantegous this location is considering its close to humans
But I also think Wild Briar was built as like a refuge for the faes that live far away outside Dragon City(I wont call it dragonopolis lol)
Wild Rose being a few centuries old also kinda makes sense since the Silver Owls only recognize Meleanor as the only ruler in Briarland, they probably arent aware theres a queen named Maleficia because she's ancient(?) atleast I didnt caught any silver owls mentioning her iirc(?) They went to the mountains near Dragon city yes-- but like it was to pursue General Lilia and not to besiege Black Scale as well even they kinda had the potential to do so since they took down Maleanor and Silver Owls' is implied to be very greedy--
I actually think its more interesting to not summarize Maleanor's cause of death as just her overestimating her win against Knight of Dawn-- I actually think its because of several reasons such as:
"Wrong time" in working out the diplomatic relations between the conflict between humans and faes, Levan's plan to educate wasn't pointless effort, but I wish the story states as well what he did to counter the fact that the faes hates humans not because of a misunderstanding, but because of their mistreatment towards faes(the story literally implies rhe humans kills faes meanwhile we have yet to see a royal guard fae that killed humans the story only tells us they chased them away), Levan does this when its clear that the Silver Owls was getting hostile, like objectively speaking, this was kinda not the right time to communicate and Meleanor was the receiving end of the build up hostility of the Silver Owls
This is kinda countering my first point, but Meleanor's decisions was kinda weird too in the story lol, why send your best Generals to the enemy fortress.... 😭💥 But I actually think this is interesting as well, because its likely a reference to the wars in LiveAction Maleficent... I remember watching that movie especially Maleficent 2: Mistress of Evil and just wondering why the Moors never plans (and even if they do its very simple, just charge in and overpower the enemy with strength), they just charge in instead of treating it "like a chess" where you save your best pieces in dangerous situations and everyone has a role in dispelling the enemy. They also hold this belief that only the strong ones would guarantee their success and heavily relies on them. Meanwhile, Queen Ingrid used deception and control to subdue all the faeries. Like Meleanor/Faes vs Humans, the faes never thinks about what the human enemy plans, they rely on raw dodging it lol probably alluding to the fact that the faes have trouble thinking like a human.
And lastly this point lol, poor choice of headquarters, the terrain is easy for humans to invade in, and the castle is still weak, also the fact that Wild Briar was alone in fighting several human nations was a factor as well because it couldnt get back up in time because it was too far away from Black Scale Castle, kinda adding Wild Briar was outnumbered too atp
#this got way too long 💀💀💀 dont take this srsly lol#twst theories#twst#twisted wonderland#disney twisted wonderland#twistedwonderland#disney twst#lilia vanrouge#twst wonderland#twst analysis#meleanor draconia#twst meleanor#disney maleficent#maleanor draconia#twst maleanor#twisted wonderland headcanons#wild briar castle#twst diasomnia#twst maleficia#twst silver owls#twst book 7#twst headcanons#analysis
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Bimbo doll
MINORS + AGELESS BLOGS DNI, Satoru gojo x reader, all characters are 18+, reader is heavily bimbo coded and loves pink, satoru's gross here, 1.3k words approx
CW: Masturbation, satoru gets horny over reader sending him pics of her dresses, satoru has fantasies of reader and she's unaware, again satoru is gross here you've been warned, some proof reading but very little
Notes: I'm so sleepy and I'm too lazy to fix any other mistakes so if you see mistake no you didnt. had to write sth for Satoru, as wit all of my creative works I hate this but I hope u like it though!!
Satoru thinks you're absolutely adorable. From the moment he was blinded by the absurd amount of pink you were wearing, he thought you were the cutest thing on this planet. The coordinated color palettes of your clothes that always had a splash of pink, that shiny layer of gloss on your lips that you regularly reapplied, he gets so happy when he hears the clack of keychains because that means you're near.
Of course he couldn't keep himself away and you both exchanged numbers at one point, you gladly gave it to him after he shot you a lame pick up line— to which you laughed and smiled, simply telling him "you're funny! Sure!"It was almost too good to be true.
You got along well with each other, you both liked sweets, complimented each other's fashion sense, shared a similar sense of humour— when satoru asked you to describe him, you told him that you love being around him because he's fun (you said something about how he 'gets it', a quote about girls.. getting it and others not getting it..? He didn't understand, but he deduced that you like him, and that's all that matters.)
Satoru notices you love sharing tidbits of your day, and most of the time, you usually share a photo related to it in some way along with multiple typos, abbreviations, and emoticons.
"(Name)💘: Toru omg look at these shoes! Super cute right :3" Attached image sent.
"(Name)💘: I went 2 that cafe u told me, the strawberry shortcake is soooo good" Attached image sent.
"(Name)💘: I have 2 go 2 a party tonite, which dress should i choose!1!!??" 4 images sent.
Being friends with you had its benefits, you were comfortable with Satoru, so comfortable that he almost dropped his phone when he opened the images you sent; all of them were minidresses, all of them different shades of pink, all of them hugging your figure so tightly and snuggly he was tempted to stalk your social media to know where this party is.
He couldn't see the details that differentiated each dress, or at least he didn't focus on them as he felt his cock throb in his sweatpants.
"Ooooohhhhhfffuuck..." he mumbled longly to no one in particular, Satoru almost choked on his spit as he sat up from his position in his bed, all the heat rushing to his face as he examined your photos closely. Your poses so cute as you stared at your phone screen in the photos with a small pout, you had the pretty sparkly gloss on this time, that's his favorite..
(Name)💘: TORU OMFG PLZ ANSWEERRRR MY RIDES ALMOST HERE >:(
he almost forgot your little dilemma.
"Sorry lol I was eating, go with this one!!" he forwarded one of the four dresses with his response and sent his text, he felt guilty about lying but what was he supposed to say? 'My bad! You were so hot I got a little hard like some Virgin!' No way in hell.
You answered back quickly, how did you type quicker than he did with nails longer than his? He has a hunch it's because you don't care about typos but the dedication is admirable.
(Name)💘: TGANK UUUUU ill text u after the party!
(Name)💘: thank* lol
He let out a small laugh at your typo, scrolling back to the photos he zoomed in on one of the four he hadn't picked, and the reason why he didn't choose this dress is that he knows no sane rational person with a sexual libido would be able to resist you in this.
You looked so cute, so perfect, Satoru let out a small sigh as he pulled his dick out of his pants hissing at the cold air, his thumb smeared the precum over his tip. He should feel bad– terrible even, but how can he resist? There's no way you have no idea what you do to him, he tried justifying in his mind as his cock throbbed desperately in his hand.
Biting his bottom lip, the image of you in his phone fueled his imagination as he envisioned arriving with you at this party you mentioned, having such a pretty thing like you on his arm would be a major ego boost too. The length of your dress could easily allow him to pull down your panties (did you even have a pair on under that dress?), bend you over the host's bathroom sink and slam his cock balls deep inside you, relentlessly filling you then demanding you to pull your panties back up and come back to the party with him as his cum would be dripping between your thighs.
As Satoru bucked his hips up into his hand, he stopped briefly to spit into his hand, deciding there's no time to look for lube, he went back to fucking his hand to the thought of you. If only you knew your new friend got off to these innocent pictures you sent him, if only you knew what he wanted to do to you– he's confident you wouldn't wanna be friends anymore. Shaking his head he pushed aside those thoughts and focused on his current pleasure, his fantasy, his goal of cumming from the pictures of you in those dresses you handpicked to show him.
He mumbled words of encouragement as if you were there with him right now bouncing on his dick instead of the reality of his hand moving up and down, mutters of 'good girl's and praises like "so good, baby" and "yeah? You like that?", desperate to convince himself of his fantasy. Satoru tossed aside his phone long ago after making sure the photos were engraved in his mind, he wasn't expecting you to update him until sometime near midnight.
his eyes closed as his other hand slid up his stomach pushing up the material of his shirt until it reached his collarbone, his fingers trying to find any weak points on his body to rub, pinch or entice as his hand rubbed his dick to the pace of his imaginary storyline; where he dreamed of driving you back home and stuffing you full of his cock until the only word that was in your vocabulary was his name.
"Yesyesyes, (Name)..! Mmmmmhffuck..!" He groaned out as he felt his end near already, his face warming up to a soft reddish pink reminiscent of the tip of his dick as he fucked his hand, soft gasps and groans escaped him as he imagined all the filthy things he could do to you, all the filthy things he wanted to know about you.
What type of panties do you always wear? What type of men make you horny? Who have you been with? Would you let him fuck you? 'Please lemme fuck you, lemme fuck you..! Wanna fuck you..!'
The vulgarity of his desperation made him blush but brought him dangerously close to the edge, squeezing the base of his cock Satoru covered his mouth instinctively, he bucked up his hips as his cum coated his abdomen, stomach and some droplets even reached his chest. He moaned behind his hand as he felt the waves of pleasure shock through his body. He slowed his hips, mumbling for the imaginary you once more. "Take it, take it all, baby.."
He didn't want to move, he knew he had to but he wanted to relish in his fantasy a little longer, he wanted to pull you close and sloppily kiss your cute glossy lips and praise you for being a good girl, taking his load like that. He imagined his cum oozing from your slit but he wouldn't let it go to waste, he'd use his finger to slide it back in where he knows it belongs.
He remembered to save those photos for.. 'next time', reaching over to get his phone, he paused as he received a notification.
(Name)💘: party was lame, coming 2 ur place!! >:3c
Sitting up, the sweat that collected at his back from his 'session' cooled him off, he cleaned himself up and couldn't help but grin at your adorable message.
You don't need to worry, he'll entertain you more than any dumb party could.
#gojou satoru x reader#gojo x reader#satoru gojo x reader#gojo satoru x you#satoru gojo x you#gojo x you#satoru x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jjk smut#gojo smut
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(is it alright if I send a request?! Feel free to ignore this if not. I've heard there are some new rules regarding that?) So what if their s/o had to travel somewhere outside the country/state (could be something work/family related) for like a week or so, which Slashers would take it the hardest/easiest (basically who has separation anxiety and who is chill lol)?! Hopefully this makes sense, sorry for bad english?! I have a feeling Brahms (and maybe Jason) are in the first category, but your stories are always full of suprises so 🤷
Mature themes mentioned. You've been warned.
Jason would be the worst when it comes to abandonment issues. He would be too afraid of you leaving him forever.
He'd come up with various excuses to make you stay.
He'd wrap his arms around you and refuse to let you go. The man is touch-starved. He'd beg to come with you.
If you didn't let him ? Well...I think he'd be miserable.
Jason *whines and cries against your shoulder while holding you close* : "Stay. Please. Stay."
For him, to speak takes tremendous effort—so when he does ? That means it is important.
Do not leave the poor man alone without anything to contact you with, or you'd come back to a mess. He'd have turned the whole house into a target practice.
And believe me, you don't want to be in the way of his machete...
Brahms would be close second after Jason. He'd make you stay by any means necessary.
Brahms *breathes heavily* : "DO NOT LEAVE ME !"
His parents told him they would be gone for only a few days—but they never came back.
He wouldn't let you do the same.
He tried to get Greta to stay, but it failed. He wouldn't make the same mistake twice.
Brahms *grabs you and groans* : "If you leave me, I'll find you...I'll find you, Y/N."
The way he uttered your name made you shiver. Brahms would be close to a break down if you were gone for a few minutes. Imagine his state if it was for more than a few days ?
The moment you got back, he'd be borderline hysterical and crush you in a bear hug—crying and sobbing for you to never leave him again.
Bo has serious abandonment issues as well but—unlike Brahms or Jason—he would be more radical in his ways to make you stay.
Bo *grabs your arm and grits his teeth* "OH NO YOU DON'T !"
Bo was hated by his mother and it only aggravated his loneliness until he became...well...very self-centred and afraid of the pain.
The moment he gets attached to someone—their freedom is of no interest to him whatsoever.
Bo would rather tackle you to the ground, attach you or even have sex with you for you not to leave him.
That redneck isn't a quitter. Good luck trying to make him stay away.
"WHO THE F*CK GAVE YOU PERMISSION TO LEAVE ME, HUH ?!"
Yeah...He's not going to cry, but you might. Sorry.
And in the category worse abandonment issues we also have Vincent. Of course the other twin wouldn't be very far from the first.
Vincent is...gentler than Bo ? He wasn't hated by his family. He was actually rather liked.
So, his wouldn't be as bad—but still.
There is a reason he wanted to make all his wax statues from actual people. He is scared of being lonely...He likes to be surrounded.
And since all the people in his town treated him and his family as freaks—he couldn't make a lot of connections apart to his brothers.
He was lonely. And hence, he'd be afraid to lose the only person he ever cared about than them. You.
So, he'd be very hesitant to let you go and try to make you stay with gifts and soft touches. Try to make you understand how much you mean to him before eventually letting you go. Just so you know that you'd be taking a part of him with you.
You might be surprised, but Pennywise belongs to the category of the slashers who would be very upset by the lack of physical proximity.
Indeed, even though he hates physical touch, he is still clingy when it comes to the presence of the people he loves—one of the reasons why he stays with Penny.
So, he'd be upset, a little bit more moody than usual without you around. He'd be constantly looking at the road and unconsciously hoping you'd come back.
Pennywise *sighs deeply to himself* : "Come on, you old clown...Don't be so stupid. Come on. Stop thinking about...about..."
He'd fight against his inner demons and believe that you'd come back on your own...until the very end.
"...Oh, you're leaving, human ?"
Surprisingly enough, Penny isn't as clingy as people think he is.
He does like physical contact a lot and would be very sad to see you go, but he also knows he is a god and would be able to get to you whatever happens.
Penny is confident in his abilities, maybe too much.
So, he'd keep a smile on and giggle while waving to you when you go.
But, remember...
He's always watching.
You try to escape ? He'd know.
And he'd hunt you down. He'd make you regret ever trying to escape. He'd drag you back if he has to.
Penny *giggles darkly* : "Aww...Poor poor Y/N. Don't look so sad. We'll be together forever. Isn't that what we wanted ?"
Freddy would take it badly, but old habits die hard. He'd find a way to blame you and move on...no matter what.
"Ya think you can hurt me, huh ? Well, I've got news for you, ~sweetheart. You can go. I can always find ya a replacement."
Douchebag attitude is Freddy's defense mechanism.
You want to leave ? Fine. He'll find a way to fill the hole. Booze. Brothels. Chaos...
Whatever he can do, he'll do. Freddy needs a moral compass in order to stay in check. You and Michael fill that position.
But, if you're gone ? Then, Freddy would be missing an important part of his functioning mechanism and would go back to his old ways.
He'd be lost. Trying to find himself all the wrong ways all over again...
For his safety and others, make sure to remind him that you care for him from time to time—especially if you're going somewhere he can't follow.
And be sure to invite him into your dreams from time to time. 😉
Michael would remain himself. He'd watch you go and stay impassive. Because he knows it wouldn't change a thing.
He expects you to never come back. It would be better.
Every time he takes a knife in his hand, he wouldn't find that tingling feeling...the little voice in his head telling him to kill you.
He wouldn't be so afraid of hurting you every single day. He wouldn't have to lock his door every night because he's afraid he might wake up with your blood on his hands.
He'd even tense up when you come back.
You *smile when you see him* : "Well, hello there. Missed me ?"
Michael : "..."
You *smile falter* : "Oh...Well, okay then."
Michel *slowly approaches you and slowly hugs you*
He did miss you. He just didn't know how to tell you...or stop himself from grabbing the kitchen knife and plunging it into your heart over and over.
Michael would die before hurting you, but it doesn't mean he isn't a slasher. Or that your love for him isn't dangerous.
Arthur would put his feelings aside and try to appear cruel.
"You think I care ? ~Oh, sweetie. I've spent most of my life caring about people. Not anymore. Not ever again...So, if you want to leave me ? Go ahead. There's the door."
You have to understand, Arthur has been hurt most of his life...by life itself.
He was never lucky. He never had any friends. He was basically alone most of his life.
He wouldn't want to be kept down, and so wouldn't want the same for you. He understands the need to leave. More than anyone else.
He'd prefer you leave than stay and be miserable—like he was. So, he would never stop you from leaving, no matter if there was a risk you wouldn't come back.
Arthur *smiles and holds your hand* "...Please. Don't let me stop you. Be free."
If you want to leave ? He won't stop you.
Because that's how much he loves you.
He'd let you have your freedom. No matter what.
"I'm going out.", you said.
"Have fun, honey.", he replied. He didn't even look up from his newspapers.
"I may be out for a couple of days.", you added—waiting for a reaction.
"Sure. I'll be right here when you come back.", he answered and smiled—but it didn't quite reach his eyes.
Jack is a ghost. He doesn't really have feelings anymore and can sound cold sometimes. But, it's not because he doesn't care. It's just he knows what it is to have responsibilities.
He failed at being human—and he wouldn't want the same for you.
He would of course be worried that you'd leave forever, but honestly ? He'd be happy to let you live your life as you intend.
He doesn't have abandonment issues.
Matter-of-fact, he's the one who leaves most of the time. Of course, he wouldn't want your relation to stop so suddenly and would prefer you to come clear to him.
He wouldn't get mad, but he'd feel a little more dull and emotionless inside.
He'd become even more of a ghost than he was—but wouldn't let you see.
Jack *smiles before you close the door* : "...Bring back a souvenir, alright ? Something...something nice."
And that would probably be the only attempt he'd do to hint that he wants you to come back.
#fandoms#imagine#fanfic#pennywise 2017#pennywise 1990#pennywise x reader#slashers#michael myers x reader#freddy krueger x reader#jason voorhees x reader#jack torrance x reader#arthur fleck x reader#brahms heelshire x reader#vincent sinclair x reader#bo sinclair x reader
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Disgusting holy shit
and while we’re talking abt noah schnapp as a fandom, we should also be calling out brett gelman who is a HUGE zionist and is posting increasingly troubling calls for violence, is vehemently opposed to a ceasefire, and posts pictures of normal (aka non-famous/public figures) pro-palestinian protestors to his insta story, basically saying “find them” to his almost 1 millions followers
#Ops tags the only thing I've seen about celebrities besides the Noah schnapp thing is gal Gadot obviously being a zionist (always has been)#But I'm not shocked that many celebrities are on the casual zionist bandwagon (Noah schnapp and Brett gelman go beyond that)#Bc i see celebrity public opinions as often heavily impacted by what they're meant to think in order to cause the least damage#Often not always. Painting broad strokes#But I think being a celebrity makes you more susceptible to powerful propaganda tbh#Also there is a bit of McCarthyism going on#People in journalism and education are getting silenced and fired for supporting Palestine. My school had a protest for this recently.#It's reflective of the McCarthy era which heavily affected actors.#Not saying that actors and such will be blacklisted for supporting Palestine but I imagine it's heavily discouraged#Idk though#What I do know is that I haven't taken people who accuse anti-zionists of lacking education seriously for one second#I took political science courses in the beginning of my college career and one class was mainly about Zionism (and antisemitism)#globalism & propaganda in countries like Denmark whose right wing groups will pose their Progressive Ways as a mask for xenophobia#(Denmark would get Muslim refugees/immigrants and right winged groups would say the immigrants are against everything they stand for)#(such as being pro-Lgbt rights)#Anyways it's similar to what people are doing with Israel#In addition to the spread of literal misinformation and silencing the truth. There's this angle of like we should support Israel#Bc it's more western and Palestine doesn't support gay people#Which is a really sick angle. My best friend's mom used it against her.#Anyways the other reason I don't take that talking point abt education seriously:#The most well-read (in related subjects) people I know are pro Palestine lol. My grandpa was a history teacher#And has always disagreed w US involvement in the middle east (including the making of Israel in this)#Was called a traitor for protesting war in Iraq. Now look at public opinion.#my professor? Pro Palestine (he doesn't talk about it but offhandedly mentioned he had to go join the protest downstairs)#(I knew he would be based on what he teaches us)#But even without all that you have to see that what's happening to Palestine is genocide#Israel isn't. They're continuing to send young people on birthright RIGHT NOW#My friend's friend got an email confirming it's still happening either yesterday or two days ago.#Actually I'm highly suspicious of the fact that they're doing it still#Like is this ... A strategy....
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OMD THE TEA??? TAG ME IN PT 3 PLSPLS 🙏
Why so shy? PART 3
(A/N: Hello, gaymers. I don't know why you guys are shipping Iso x Clove and Iso x Gekko or Iso x Deadlock when you guys should CLEARLY ship ME WITH HIM instead. Anyway, I already wrote parts 3 and 4 in advance, I just forgor. Enjoy thirsting, gaymers.)
(WARNINGS: OOC Omen)
(GN!Reader x Iso) Part 1
Part 2
Part 3 (You are here.)
Part 4
Nervous.
That was no longer what you were feeling right now.
You were too busy running away from the medical ward and back to the privacy of your room.
Maybe it isn't Iso. Maybe it was you. Maybe it was your fault for getting ahead of yourself. Maybe it was your fault for assuming that Iso liked you in the same way that you do.
Maybe you shouldn't have gotten your hopes up.
You stop in front of your door, panting heavily. You had to prevent your tears from falling out of your eyes, especially outside of your room.
Your eyes slowly started blurring from the tears as you tried to pry open your door.
notnownotnownotnownotnow, your mind raced.
You successfully unlocked your door and stumble inside.
Finally, you're alone, just as you always were. You let the tears fall from your eyes, staining your cheeks and clothes.
You shouldn't have gotten your hopes up. Maybe then, you wouldn't be crying, you wouldn't be in pain, you wouldn't be in this situation—
A knock on your door interrupted your thoughts.
You immediately wiped your tears away and sucked everything up, before approaching your door.
"W-Who is it?" You ask through the door, trying your best to sound like you weren't crying.
"It's me, Omen." Omen's gruff voice was muffled from the outside.
You sniffle, slowly getting up and opening the door slightly, enough for you to peek out and see Omen.
"Hey, Omen... Do you need something?" You ask, albeit a little too quiet for your liking.
"Greetings," Omen nods.
"I've noticed that the atmosphere around the HQ seems a little darker than usual," Omen's 'eyes', which were just three slits, moved as he spoke.
"The shadows also seem a little unstable." Omen continued.
"I've already checked up on Fade, and she is in great condition. You however..." Omen paused, 'looking' at your eyes intently.
"I came to check in on you. The hallway leading here was especially dark, and it felt heavy." Omen nods.
"Oh- No, I'm okay, Omen. It must be someone else's ability...?" You reason, although you were bad at lying.
"But you are the only one with shadow-related abilities in this hallway." Omen tilts his head. If Omen had a real, human face, you'd probably see a very unimpressed expression on it.
"Well, shit." You sigh.
"I am your mentor. You can tell me," Omen paused.
"Though I may not understand nor offer any help, I am here." Omen continued.
is it just me or Omen is so very OOC rn lol, you thought.
"...Come in." You sigh, sliding the door open wider, wide enough for Omen to come in.
"Thank you." Omen nods, walking in your room.
You slide the door shut and turn to Omen, who took a seat on your desk chair. You were comfortable enough around Omen, as he was your mentor and your very first friend in the VP.
"It feels even heavier here," Omen breaks the silence.
"I take it that your problem must be even heavier on you." Omen turns to you as you sat down on you bed.
"It's just like what I have told you in the past. Your emotions affect your abilities greatly," Omen nods, clasping his hands together.
"Take Neon or Reyna for example." Omen continued.
"To lift the heavy energy emanating from your abilities, you must let out your emotions; Talk to someone." Omen nods.
"Or like how Reyna does it: Take it out on others." Omen visibly sighed, but no sound of it comes.
"However, I know that you are better than that. So, let's discuss what you are feeling," Omen 'glanced' at you.
"I... I don't know if you'll understand, Omen. It's... about love." You sigh.
this is so cringe bruh who even says its about love bro, you thought.
"I do not expect myself to understand, either. I am not profound in the topic of love," Omen shook his head.
"But I will listen." Omen continued.
"Communication is key, either you tell them, or you tell me. Either works fine," Omen looked around your room
damn bro when did omen suddenly know about love and communication bro im cooked, you thought.
But confessing to Iso? Hell no. You're already hurt by the current situation, you'd be stupid to confess and expect a different outcome.
"It's... about Iso." You sigh, rubbing the back of your head in hesitation.
"The new recruit? I see," Omen nods.
"I've... been interested in him ever since he first arrived," You sigh, averting your gaze.
"I thought I was making progress; That if I pursue him and show him that I like him, he'd feel the same way." You murmur, eyes locked onto your fingers.
"He was starting to say things that might mean something more, in a more than friends way." You say, recalling the things that have happened a few hours earlier.
"It even went as far as him asking me to go out and get some food," You lower your head.
"But I was stupid. I got ahead of myself." Tears started welling in your eyes.
"I started assuming that he liked me back; That he felt the same way." You stifle back a sob.
"So, it was really painful when I heard him asking Sage out on a date," You bit your lip, trying to hold back your tears.
"It was my fault for assuming that he likes me too." You held your hands to your face.
"...I see." Omen nods quietly.
"You can't have everything you want," Omen starts.
"And it's not that easy." Omen shook his head.
"But you have to understand that maybe Sage and Iso have a lot more things in common that you and him," Omen explained.
"Or what maybe Iso likes Sage more, maybe he's had his eye on her since he came." Omen nods
You could feel your heart breaking, slowly shattering into pieces.
"But I'm not saying that to hurt you," Omen shook his head.
"I am opening your eyes to see the truth; To see that you're not the only one for Iso." Omen continued.
"You're not the only one who may have an interest on Iso," Omen shook his head, 'looking' at you.
"Not everyone wins, and you must learn how to accept that; That Iso likes Sage and not you." Omen's words sent a pang of pain in your through your heart.
not you. notyounotyounotyounotyounotyounot-
"The shadows are suffocating." Omen says, snapping you out of your trance.
"I'm sorry, Omen." You sigh.
"Acceptance. Learn to accept it." Omen looked at the closed curtains of your window.
Maybe this was for the best. If Iso wanted to be with Sage, who were you to oppose that? You're just a friend.
Everything was just a friendly gesture.
"I understand. I know better now," You took a deep breath.
"Thank you so much, Omen." You smile softly, drying your tears.
"Do you really know better now?" Omen asks.
"I do, thanks to you. I'm really grateful for that." You nod.
"It's good that you're still learning from my words." Omen nods, standing up from his seat.
"You're the best mentor I could ever ask for, Omen. I'm always learning from you." You smile at him, also standing up.
You walk with Omen to the door, sliding it open for him..
"I expect only the best from you. Don't let this weigh you down." Omen nods, walking out of your room.
You slid the door shut as Omen left your room.
Omen's right. Even if you thought that Omen was a little too out of character earlier, whatever he said was right.
You sigh and walk to your desk, before noticing a little purple octopus gun buddy on the chair that Omen said on.
Omen must've left it on accident. You took it into your hands and headed for the door to chase after Omen.
You slide the door open and wow. Reality and fate must really enjoy hardfucking you in every single angle, huh?
In front of the open door of your room, outside the hallway was Iso with a small smile on his face.
"There you are." Iso smiles, taking out one earbud off of his ear.
whatthefuckwhatthefuckwhatthefuck, you thought.
"Are you ready to go?" Iso asks.
go where? to heaven? yes im so fucking ready, you thought.
"Uh... huh?" You murmur.
"Did you forget? We're going out for hotpot, remember?" Iso chuckles.
"Oh, right," You avert your gaze.
I FUCKING FORGOT, you thought.
How were you gonna do this? You can't face Iso now.
"Is something wrong? You promised that we'd still go despite my injury," Iso tilts his head.
well shit it might be my fault for promising, you thought.
"I wanted to thank you for healing and saving me." Iso smiles, nodding.
"Right..." You nod hesitantly.
"So, are you ready?" Iso asked.
"Um, yeah." You step out of your room, sliding the door close behind you.
"Nice. Hm?" Iso smiles, then looks at your open palm.
"What's that?" Iso asks, gesturing to the octopus gun buddy.
"Oh... This is Omen's gun buddy. He must've forgotten about it and left it in my room." You show him the gun buddy.
"I was gonna return it to him, but maybe in another time." You shook your head, pocketing the gun buddy.
"Anyway, where are we headed?" You look at him.
"I know this hotpot place in the city. It's not that famous and crowded, so we can chill while eating," Iso smiles, pocketing his phone.
"I mean, we could just buy ingredients for hotpot and make it here, like what me and Sage did..." Iso paused.
Your ears rang. Sage again.
"But since it's gonna be about thanking you. I want it to be extra special." Iso smiles sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head.
Your heart started beating faster.
No. Remember what Omen said. Don't get ahead of yourself.
Your mind was blank, trying to block out any thought.
"There's a mall near the hotpot place. We could go there if you'd like." Iso smiles.
Why's he acting like he has so much time? Doesn't he have a date with Sage?
Shut up. That's none of your business.
"Let's head to the city." Iso smiles, nodding his head.
-
You and Iso arrive at the bustling streets of the city. You looked around, observing the food stalls. Some were colorful, some were simple and bland.
Maybe going out with Iso to the city isn't so bad. It could take your mind off of things.
"What kind of food do you like?" Iso asked, walking with you through the bustling street.
"I don't really mind anything, nothing specific." You shook your head, shrugging your shoulders.
"What about flowers?" Iso asked.
Why's he asking that?
"Well, I've never really received flowers, soo... I don't think I have anything I prefer in mind." You shook your head again.
"Do you like lilacs?" Iso asked, question after question.
"I'm sorry if I'm asking too many questions." Iso smiles sheepishly.
"It's okay," You smile, shaking your head AGAIN. STOP SHAKING YOUR HEAD BRUH
This is just him getting to know you in a friendly way.
"Lilacs... I think lilacs are beautiful. Back in my college years, I used to research about lilacs." You hum.
"They have a lot of meaning to them. I think I'm confident that I love lilacs," You nod.
"Lilacs are related to your title, right?" You ask.
"Mm, yeah." Iso nods, his hands in his pockets.
"How about a dream date?" Iso asked.
"Huh? How'd it come to that all of a sudden?" You laugh.
It's getting difficult trying to ignore the thoughts.
"Sorry, was that too personal?" Iso chuckles.
"It's alright, no harm done." You smile.
"Before you answer, let's head to the hotpot place so we can get comfortable." Iso suggests.
"Good idea. Lead the way, then." You nod, trailing behind Iso.
-
Following Iso proved to be difficult in this lively street.
You lost Iso a couple of times. But thankfully, Iso was tall enough to so you could see his head above the others.
In one instance, you lost track of Iso and simply walked ahead. What startled you was the hand that suddenly grabbed your wrist.
"Hey, where are you going?" You turned and was met with Iso's lavender eyes with a worried expression on his face.
"Oh- Sorry! I lost you and I thought you were just walking ahead." You smile sheepishly.
"You can hold onto my arm so we don't lose each other." Iso offered his arm for you to hold onto.
There you go, you couldn't stop your face from flushing.
ohmygod im litereally about to bust bro someone call cleanup aisle my underwear cuz i have the niagra falls here with me, you thought.
You had to mentally reprimand yourself to stop getting ahead of yourself. Iso only offered it because you keep losing each other.
You nod hesitantly, holding onto his arm.
mygod he's so close to me dude im boutta bust the biggest nut ever, your mind raced, as well as your heart.
-
Holding onto Iso's arm surprisingly went well, and navigating through the crowd became easier.
Oddly enough, when you and Iso got away from the crowed, he didn't shake your arm off or move away.
It was more than enough to have you overthinking again.
POOKIE STOP THIS OHMYGOD DID YOU NOT LEARN FROM OMEN AT ALL, you mentally scolded yourself.
Okay, stop. Friends do this too, you know?
You and Iso arrived at the hotpot place that he talked about.
Iso went ahead, opening the door for you.
You smile, mouthing a small thank you and entering the restaurant.
While you checked out the place, Iso went to the receptionist for the table. The place looked to be a Chinese restaurant, with some Chinese writings on a red banner or paintings that you may or may not understand.
The tables and chairs looked to be made of red wood, with Chinese-style teapot and cups place in the middle of the table.
The atmosphere was calm and there were at least four groups of three in sight.
Your thoughts came to a halt when you felt a tap on your shoulder and see Iso with two menus on his hand.
"Hey, ready to take a seat?" Iso smiles at you, offering you the menu.
"Yeah," You nod, taking the menu.
You followed Iso to a table for two and sat down.
"So, about your dream date..." Iso paused.
"Oh, right. I don't really have a preference, but I think cafe dates or library dates are really good." You pondered for a moment.
"Dates that are peaceful and calm seems to slow down time, which means I get to appreciate and enjoy the date for longer." You smile at him.
"How about you? Do you have any preferences?" You ask.
"I like museum dates. The pictures I could get from it would look wonderful." Iso nods.
"Have you ever been on a date before?" You blurt out before you could stop yourself.
"Well... Today will be my first time." Iso smiles sheepishly.
Oh. His date with Sage.
Your ears started ringing again.
"We should order," Iso's voice snapped you out of your trance.
"Oh- Right. Sorry, I spaced out." You smile apologetically, looking through the menu with Iso.
-
Two hours had passed, it was now the afternoon. You and Iso walked around near the lake, talking and laughing, getting to know each other better.
Although you knew that this was nothing more than a friendly gesture, it wasn't so bad.
"We should head back to HQ," Iso sighs, his hands in his pockets.
"Yeah, we should." You nod in response.
He still had a date with Sage, after all. Who were you to take up more of his time? Maybe he just wanted to go out with a friend before his date.
"I had a lot of fun." Iso looks at you, a small smile on his lips.
"Me too. I haven't been going out lately, so this was a nice change." You turn to him with a smile.
"I hope we'll do this again soon." Iso adds.
"I hope so too." You nod.
It made you sad that this was the closest as you can get to going on an actual date with Iso.
But that was okay.
-
You arrived back to HQ with Iso, seeing Sage seemingly waiting for Iso.
Your eyes met with Sage's as she smiled at you.
she must be really excited to go out with iso, you thought.
You said a simple and quick 'bye' to Iso before power-walking back to your room.
You hear Iso calling after you, which only fueled your tears as you ran away.
Here you were, crying from the start, and still crying in the end.
-
(A/N: wsg gaymers, what'd you guys think of my long ass updates lol, thanks for reading and supporting Why So Shy? and my other Iso works.)
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if you've never considered playing anything other than D&D 5e, now might be the time to start.
as you may have heard, Wizards of the Coast wrote up a new Open Game License that was leaked and it's really, really bad. (i linked to the article about it yesterday but here's a twitter thread of the author of that article summarizing it.)
i'll attempt my own breakdown of what this means here:
the new OGL revokes the previous OGL. this is bad for so many reasons, and will affect all kinds of TTRPGs like Pathfinder, and third-party publishers like Kobold's Press.
it also means that character sheets wouldn't be able to be used in unauthorized virtual table tops anymore, including Roll20, Foundry, etc.
the new OGL grants WotC a perpetual, irrevocable license to all third-party content produced and published under the old OGL, as well as future content. for example, if WotC hypothetically liked Dimension 20's Unsleeping City setting enough, it could sell products related to that setting, without needing D20's permission.
the new OGL can be updated, changed or revoked with only 30 days' notice. truly wild.
anybody who makes more than $750k revenue (not profit, but revenue) has to pay 20-25% over that amount in royalties to WotC. this will affect so many kickstarters raising funds for indie TTRPG systems that used to fall under the original OGL. $750k sounds like a lot but keep in mind publishing books is expensive.
this is really, really bad. WotC will probably go back on some of this based on public response, and a lawsuit may make them go back on even more. (some of what they're trying to do here is illegal? i think?) but they'll likely still push forward with some of it.
it seems WotC's goal is to 1) appease shareholders (which in late-stage capitalism means "exponential growth forever") and 2) create a closed ecosystem for d&d that's completely under WotC's financial control. think: D&D Beyond being the only place you can access any D&D content, character sheets, etc. and i mean, in general, they've shown a pattern of greed and weighing corporate interests more heavily than their customers or employees.
now would be a great time to move away from d&d if you've ever considered doing so, or to consider it if you haven't.
if you want something similar to d&d 5e mechanically but a bit crunchier, try pathfinder 2e. if you want narrative-focused storytelling games, try Powered by the Apocalypse or FATE systems. if you want a mechanics-forward episodic style of play, try Forged in the Dark systems. if you want a cross-genre game with freeform character creation, try Savage Worlds. and this is an extreme short list of the great TTRPGs out there! a lot of systems that, IMO, people would have more fun playing than d&d, just based on preferred style of play. try them out and please don't give WotC anymore money lol.
#dungeons and dragons#d&d 5e#wizards of the coast#should i have a wotc tag#ttrpg talk#open dnd#opendnd
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