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vanilladove · 1 year ago

Text

❤︎ ₊ ⊹ get free (1/3)

pic creds luvpngs | gif creds akashi-tetsuki

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: asylum patient!nikolai x asylum attendant!fem!reader

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: v suggestive w/ plot (yasssss); read at your own discretion

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: unhealthy relationships, infidelity, slightly yandere(?) nikolai, dubious consent, nikolai himself is a warning lol, also sorry if the asylum! au is inaccurate

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ summary: reader is an asylum attendant and is assigned to their newest admit nikolai gogol. ALSO this fic is heavily inspired by @/cherikolya's fic she's the one i'm running with- pls check it out and support her! also i'm splitting this up into 2 parts bc watching the aot anime has been breaking me and consuming all my thoughts, but i still want to post:( ˚₊‧꒰ა read pt 2 & pt 3 & bonus (bad ending) ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ word count: 5.7k (oops...what can i say nikolai makes me delulu)

"Nikolai Gogol. Age 26. Male. Charged with terrorism, first-degree murder, and treason among other things, but he got off with an insanity plea. Look over his file before he comes in later." The man behind the desk tossed the neat file carelessly onto the acrylic surface, exhaling boredly after giving his monotone rundown.

"I'm being assigned to him? But I already have other patients to take care of!" You inquired, fists forming at your sides as you already imagined the overtime and exhaustion you were going to rack up.

"Attendants don't grow on trees, do they? Don't assume I'll give you special treatment. Besides, I'm handing your other patients off to the new girls, so you'll be able to focus on Gogol. He's high priority." The man butted back.

Tch. You sighed and grabbed the file, mumbling a "fine" and turning to leave his office.

"Goodbye, dear." He spat it out like venom with a forced smile. You glanced back once more at the man: your boss⎯or rather husband⎯before heading out the door. You two were simply a marriage of convenience⎯a business transaction. In exchange for funding to build a new asylum on par with Mersault to rehabilitate criminals, your father had offered your hand in marriage to his business partner's son, who had become entranced by your beauty after seeing you once in your father's office. He wasn't too bad of a man at first, and you both related over your occupation together, but your marriage started to go sour after he realized you weren't just a pretty face or obedient wife, and it worsened after his narcissism and egocentricity started to show. He was too traditional and trapped you in his cage of rules and regulations. Even sharing the same bed and having dinner together couldn't reignite the nonexistent spark between you.

You walked back to your office and closed the door behind you before making yourself some herbal tea to calm your nerves. Laying down on the plush couch in the middle of your room, you looked through your new patient's file, trying to memorize all the details.

Nikolai Gogol, huh? What kind of person are you? You shivered reading the list of his crimes, which seemed endless and cruel.

An hour or so had passed before you heard a soft knock at your door. "Miss?" Another attendant had come to fetch you. "Your patient is waiting for you in the white ward." The white ward was where "high priority" or more dangerous patients were kept.

"I'll be out in a moment!" You called out, getting up from the couch and tidying up the space before fixing your hair and pulling down your uniform. It was a black flowy dress with puffy bell sleeves and a white rounded collar. The dress itself was a bit too short, being designed and chosen by your gross and perverted lovely husband. You walked out the comfort of your office and followed the attendant to the white ward.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

"Miss, this is your patient Nikolai Gogol". The attendant gestured to the tall man standing in the hallway outside of his room. He was strapped and held by two guards, with several others surrounding him holding special guns. He had a neutral smile on his face that turned upwards upon seeing you. You couldn't help but be momentarily mesmerized by the man in front of you. He wore a loose white button up and white linen pants⎯the standard male patient uniform⎯and his white hair was messily layered with a long, neat braid on his shoulder. His eyes were the most captivating to you, one emerald and full of life and the other a dull blue with a scar. Without the jester attire donned in his file pictures, he actually looked quite...handsome and prince-like?

You snapped yourself back to reality after remembering who you were dealing with and bowed slightly, just enough to stop your dress from riding up.

Observing the situation, you could sense the belligerence seething from everyone else. Not that you could blame them, the new patient was a dangerous anarchist. Your personal philosophy was always to treat the patient as humanely as possible in order to build trust and security, so you tried to not think about your new patient's file information. Just focus on diffusing the energy of the space and getting the jester to somewhat like you.

"Hello, Nikolai. I'm your attendant and will be taking care of you for the duration of your stay here," You looked back up and smiled gently at him, starkly contrasting the hostile glares from the other attendant and guards. "Let's get along, okay?"

Nikolai's eyes widened immediately and he tried to move closer to you. "Whaaaa! Nice to meet you, pretty miss! I can't believe such a beautiful girl is taking care of me!" The two guards forcibly stopped him from taking another step and the others pointed their guns at him.

Nikolai frowned and stopped squirming. "Hey! All I did was talk! Put those scary things away!" He giggled as the guards retracted their guns slowly and stuck his tongue out at the other attendant, who looked disgusted yet scared. He wasn't intimidated or scared at all. The guards then opened the door to Nikolai's room and placed him sitting down on his bed. Before you could follow to begin debriefing, the other attendant tugged on your arm lightly.

You turned back at looked at her. She had a fluffy blonde bob, light green eyes, and freckles. Lacey, one of the young new hires your husband mentioned earlier. "Um Miss, aren't we supposed to follow the script when interacting with patients? I thought smiling at them and speaking casually promoted unwanted feelings and was unprofessional?" You cringed, loathing that she sounded just like your husband when he was lecturing.

You shot her a fake sugary smile, "Oh, yes, I usually just take a softer approach with more unstable patients. Don't want them to stab you in the back immediately, do you?" You tried to answer lightheartedly, but your efforts clearly failed by the way Lacey had a horrified look on her face from your little joke, like it was the worst answer you could've said. You awkwardly coughed and put your hand on her shoulder.

"Right, thanks for reminding me, Lacey. It's great that you remembered the boss's words." Rolling your eyes once your back was turned to her, you stepped into Nikolai's room. You already dreaded Lacey telling your husband about you deviating from protocol and the long talk he would have with you at home.

"Four of us will be staying here to observe the debrief, Miss. This man is dangerous." You nodded as each of the four the guards stood in a corner of the room and the rest filed out of the room. You pulled up a stool and sat down, giving your new patient a run down of his daily schedule and how the asylum operated. The whole time, his eyes watched you excitedly like a puppy and he giggled and nodded frequently in between your sentences. It was strange and unsettling, but you were slightly relieved you didn't have to deal with an aggressive patient.

Scooting closer to Nikolai, you pulled out a small water bottle and a case of different pills. "These are your daily meds, Nikolai. I'll come to give these to you every morning at six before breakfast. I'll monitor your progress and adjust your dosage as time goes on." He nodded as you stood up and placed the water bottle on the stool, putting on a white latex glove and pouring the pills out into your hand. "I'm going to be administering them to you just for today. Open your mouth and don't close it until I'm done, okay?"

"Okay, missy! I'll be a good boy and try not to bite your pretty fingers off!" Nikolai perked up and giggled like a child getting candy. You mentally cringed and prepared yourself for the worst as you stepped towards him. What could you expect? This man was dangerous and had no reason to listen to you. The guards tensed up as you moved closer and pointed their guns at the jester's face. You swallowed as Nikolai opened his mouth, obnoxiously saying "ahhhhhhhh" and bouncing in his spot lightly.

Heartbeat increasing, you placed your free hand under Nikolai's jaw, thumb supporting his chin and lifted his face up slightly to you as you dropped the pills into his mouth. Mind racing and anxiousness clouding your vision, you missed the way he gaze softened. He closed his mouth and leaned into your touch more, nuzzling your delicate fingers. You swiftly pulled away, turning your head back to grab the water bottle behind you, attempting to hide the light rose that dusted your cheeks, unsure of whether it was from fear or embarrassment. Nikolai's eyes were still intently on you, so you secretly hoped he had missed that.

As you opened up the water bottle and stepped back towards Nikolai again, he shook his head. "I already swallowed them, I don't need any water, miss attendant." He opened his mouth again to show you proof before you sighed out an "okay" and tightened the cap back on. You grabbed the empty pill case before gesturing to the guards to put their guns down. They complied and two came over to slowly undo the restraints on his upper body, making sure to hold him back immediately after.

"Well, Nikolai, that's all for today. Thank you, and I⎯"

"Whoa, missy, you have a ring! Too bad you're already married!" Nikolai interrupted, his head poking up but quickly being pushed down by one of the guards. You cursed yourself silently as you froze in place. Since you had to move around a lot and constantly clean, you wore your wedding ring on a simple gold chain as a necklace instead. It was usually tucked under your uniform, but it must have slipped out when you were laying on your couch earlier. You cleared your throat awkwardly, tucking your necklace back into your uniform and trying to get rid of the instinctive frown on your face that appeared anytime your partner was mentioned.

"Yes, I'm married. Anyways⎯"

“But you held my face so lovingly just now. Won't your husband get mad? You're supposed to do that to him, not your new captive, right?"

You tightened your fists at that.

"That man…does he treat you well, pryntsesa?" Even though his head was held down, his dark gaze still cut into you, now not as innocent as it was before. You were sure the cheeky man was smirking too, taunting you with an otherwise harmless question.

You let out a fake laugh and an even faker wide smile in response, just eager to leave and go home now. Whatever charm you had your patient initially under had clearly faded away. "I'll see you tomorrow at six, Mr. Gogol." Nikolai's smirk turned down after hearing the name change, but quickly turned back up again followed by loud hysterical laughs⎯unbeknownst to you, who had already left his room.

"So the little ptashka wants to play games, does she?"

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

"Thanks for dinner, dear." Your husband said, wiping his mouth with a neatly folded handkerchief.

Shocking. Is he being...nice?

"Of course, I've already packed your lunch for tomorrow, too." You replied, occupied washing dishes and organizing the kitchen again.

"So, how was your first encounter with Gogol?" He inquired, walking over to you to put his dishes into the sink and lean against the counter beside you. You stopped for a moment, surprised he was making conversation with you today, as he usually retreated back to your shared bedroom or went to the living room to watch the news.

You were about to start until you noticed his brows furrowed and his arms crossed. You took your rubber gloves off and placed them next to you.

Oh boy, he's about to lecture me, isn't he?

"What are you really trying to say?"

He exhaled. "Well, Lacey⎯"

That snitch. You couldn't believe her.

"Ahhh, Lacey. The sweet young new girl you hired as extra help. What about her?" Your spouse's eyes narrowed.

"Respect your coworkers, dear. Lacey told me about your unprofessional interaction with Gogol. Smiling at a murderer and treating patients as friends doesn't exactly align with the asylum's values, now does it?" He said sternly.

"I was just trying to immobilize him. You can't exactly make a patient trust you when everyone's just shooting daggers at them, y'know?" He didn't look convinced. "Besides, this has always been my approach since I started in this field, and it's never failed me. You more than anyone should know I have the most successful recoveries among all the staff."

"Fine. Just make sure your unorthodox tendencies don't rub off on the other staff." He looked down at your neck. "And don't tuck your necklace under your uniform anymore. Don't want all the delinquents getting the wrong idea. You're off the market now" He lifted the chain of your necklace and traced the outline of the ring before letting go and walking to grab his coat and a pack of cigarettes.

"Going outside for a smoke break. You should get to bed and get some sleep for the long day tomorrow" He replied before walking out the door, your eyes following him.

You didn't miss the way he swiftly grabbed the keys and fixed his hair before leaving.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

"Good morning, dove!" Nikolai chirped upon you entering his room.

"Good morning, Nikolai. Did you sleep well?" You asked softly, taking his medication out and handing it to him, along with some Ukrainian candy.

"Mmhmm, yes I did! I had a sweet dream, too, doll, but I can't tell you what it was about!" He said excitedly. Used to his antics, you only laughed in response and watched as he took his pills⎯still without water for whatever reason and unwrapped the minky binky candy, popping it into his mouth.

Five weeks. That was how long it'd been since Nikolai was admitted to the asylum.

Despite your initial worries of dealing with a monster, you and Nikolai had gotten along quite well. He seemed to only listen to you, though, much to the dismay of the other attendants. It was beneficial for you though, since it meant you didn't have to work overtime seeing to other patients.

Nikolai had developed a habit of calling you by anything but your name, bestowing several different pet names on you⎯a new upgrade from "miss" and "missy".

He also became increasingly touchy with you as well: constantly holding your hand⎯intertwining his fingers with yours, braiding your hair, and hugging you when he felt "cold". Perhaps you were desensitized to it or just touch starved, but you rarely complained about it. You would rather keep him happy and easy to deal with, anyways.

"Look, pretty girl, I finished all my meds!" Nikolai exclaimed as he opened his mouth to show you proof that he swallowed them all.

You gave him a friendly smile. "You aren't having any bad side effects from your meds, are you?" You found it a bit odd that Nikolai's dosage never changed, since no one could pinpoint his exact condition. It made your job easy, though, so you tried not to think much about it.

"No ma'am. I had some trouble sleeping at first, but it's all gone now!" He stood up from his bed and watched as you straightened it up⎯simultaneously checking for anything suspicious. There never was anything somehow.

His hands loosely wrapped around your waist as he pressed himself against your bent back and rested his chin on your shoulder, causing you to push your hands into the sheets and wrinkle the thin blanket. You let out a surprised squeal when you felt his warm breath on your ear.

"Love, can we eat breakfast in the courtyard today?" He whispered softly, nuzzling into the crook of your neck. You felt yourself blushing as you turned around and pushed him away, his hands still remaining on your waist.

"Y-Yes, N-Nikolai, we can go to the courtyard today." You said, finally stepping away to be free of his touch just for him to hold your hand. He flashed a happy smile at you while skipping out the door, tugging you along with him.

"Yayyyy! Me and ptashka are going on a date~"

"...It's not a date, silly." You replied back, blush still faintly across your cheeks.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You inhaled the fresh courtyard air, still holding hands with Nikolai as you walked on the cobblestone path. His breakfast to-go box and your lunchbox were on the nearby bench; you both already ate, but Nikolai basically ate most of your food, claiming the dining hall food was "stale and dry" compared to the pillowy cream puffs you'd brought.

"Wahhhh! Look at the fishies, dove!" Nikolai exclaimed, waving his finger at the koi fish swimming in the fountain. They eagerly swam towards him, probably thinking he was going to feed them. He giggled, eyes focusing in on two of the fish.

"Don't those two look like us, love?" You were snapped out of your previous trance and looked down to see a black koi fish and a larger white koi fish together cuddling into each other.

"Oh, I guess they do. Because of our uniforms, right?" You looked back up to Nikolai to see him frowning and still staring at the fish.

"No, dove, because they're in love..." He said lowly, to the point where you almost couldn't hear him. His gaze softened as he looked back down at you and cupped your face gently.

In love? Us?

Eyes widened, you felt confused as you looked away, not sure how to respond or think. The sudden action caused Nikolai's hands to drop away from your face. You closed your eyes, not wanting to see his disappointed face as you stammered, "We're not in lo⎯"

Your eyes flew open again as you felt something hard in your hand.

A bouquet of lavender roses was in your hand, with Nikolai giving you a big grin with his hands behind his back. "Pretty flowers for my pretty girl." You blushed, forgetting about what had just happened. You had always loved roses and their romantic charm.

When was the last time your husband brought you flowers?

"Lavender roses symbolize delight and love at first sight. They remind me of you." Your eyes widened again as you looked up, Nikolai turning serious and gazing at you affectionately, like you were really lovers.

You found yourself getting lost in his heterochromatic eyes. Somehow, you felt peaceful like this. Even though he was a dangerous criminal. Even though your heart was already sworn to another man.

"Thank you, Nikolai. They're beautiful." You said smiling at him, this time being genuine and not passive. You were falling into a serene state, only able to focus on him. His action had somehow touched your conflicted heart and put you in a good mood.

He laughed happily in response, pleased by your reaction. "You look lovely when you smile like that, sweetheart." He pulled your other hand back to the bench so you could sit.

"Also, you should give me a nickname, too. I have so many, but you only call me Nikolai~" He pouted, scooting next to you on the bench.

"Hmmmm...What should I call you then? Niko? 'Lai? Nikolas...?" You pondered, both of you slightly cringing at all of the options, each one sounding worse than the previous one.

"I know!" Nikolai exclaimed, grabbing your hands⎯still holding the flower bouquet⎯and clasping them together, "Kolya. Call me Kolya. That's what my close friends and family would call me!"

Family? You mean the ones you murdered? You tried to shake the thought.

"Kol⎯Ahh!" You cried out as you felt a deep prick on your left ring finger. You pulled your hand away from Nikolai's and dropped the bouquet, watching the blood drip down your finger and down to your thigh.

Nikolai's eyes filled with concern, "Love! You're hurt!" He rushedly rummaged through his breakfast box and his pockets, trying to find a napkin to stop the bleeding. You tried to calm him down, telling him you were fine, but he wouldn't listen.

Suddenly, he seized your left hand and brought it to his mouth, closing his lips around your ring finger. Shivers ran down your spine as you felt him running his tongue over your finger, getting every last drop of blood and kissing the spot slowly when he finished.

Heat rushed into your cheeks as the air felt thick, no longer serene and peaceful. Nikolai's eyes darkened, and an unreadable expression fell on his face.

"There's still some there, dove." He gazed down at the blood that had dripped onto your thigh. Your stomach churned at the thought of what he would do next as he pushed you down onto the bench and brought his lips to your inner thigh, leaving soft kitten licks all over the spot and lightly groaning.

"Niko⎯Kolya, s-stop⎯" You tried suppressing the moan threatening to spill out from the contact on your sensitive skin. You tried to push him away softly, but he wouldn't stop, now pressing light kisses that travelled up your thigh to your sweet spot. He was getting close. Too close.

You pushed his head away, not trying to be soft anymore, and sat up again, moving to the far side of the bench. You pulled down your dress again to cover your now reddened thigh.

"W-We can't do this. It's wrong. You're my patient, and I'm your attendant. And..." You hesitated, regaining your composure, "...And I'm married." You said, biting your tongue. The gold necklace suddenly felt heavy around your neck, like it was pulling you down.

Nikolai laughed bitterly, "You don't love him though, myla. He's kept you trapped in a cage. Is that what you want, dove? Do you want to be trapped in his cage?"

"I⎯"

"Miss! Mr. Gogol! There you two are! We've been looking everywhere for you both. There's a group wellness activity starting for all the patients, and they're waiting on you." You turned around to hear a familiar high-pitched voice.

Lacey. The snitch new girl.

You put on a fake smile. "My apologies, I completely lost track of time. Lacey, you can escort Nikolai to the group's meeting spot. I'll be retiring to my office for the rest of the day." She nodded as you grabbed the bouquet and your lunchbox and took one last look at Nikolai before standing up from the bench and turning away, "I'll see you tomorrow, Nikolai." You didn't wait for a response back.

It felt too awkward. Everything felt confusing; you knew your place but you also wanted to be free. You liked Nikolai but you didn't know if those feelings could be considered love. You surely didn't love your husband...

All you could do was hold onto the roses and gaze up at a dove flying across the sky. For a moment, you wished to be like that dove. To be elegant, at peace, and loved.

You wished to be free.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Taking a deep breath, you forced yourself to scan your access card and enter Nikolai's room. Today was a special day, after all.

"Good morn⎯"

"Love! You're finally here! I was waiting for you~" Nikolai exclaimed as he lunged towards you, burying his face into your neck. He wasn't wrong; The extra time you spent collecting your thoughts and debating going in or not made you two minutes late.

You lightly pushed Nikolai away⎯not before he caught your hands and intertwined them with his again⎯and tried to put a neutral smile on your face. "Nikolai, I have good news for you."

His face lit up as he clasped your hands and brought them towards his chest, "What is it, dove? Are you divorcing your husband and leaving him for me?" He shook your hands excitedly as you eyed him disappointingly. He really wasn't going to drop this lovesick act, was he?

You shook your head and cleared your throat, "No, as a reward for good behavior, you can choose a special place to visit and an item to keep in your room. Your options are the courtyard, the gy⎯"

"The library. I want a book to read." Nikolai stated, suddenly turning serious, taking you slightly aback; you didn't take him as the type to be able to sit still and read for a long time.

"Alright, the library it is then. Take your meds first, and then we can go, 'kay?" He nodded excitedly as you turned away from him to make his bed and do the usual check. Nothing suspicious, as usual.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

The guard greeted you both as you approached the grand library doors. It was an old wooden room with tall glass windows that contrasted the relatively short bookshelves. It wasn't exactly a popular destination for patients, so the books were mostly dated and collecting dust. The natural light inside made it one of your favorite break spots during your trainee days, so it was a bit nostalgic for you.

"There are security cameras around the library, but radio in if anything happens." The guard explained sternly, looking over at Nikolai and then you, "Do you need assistance with your patient, or will you two be fine alone?"

You shifted your gaze over to Nikolai, who had a slightly mischievous smile on his face but maintained a serious expression. "We'll be fine alone. He'll behave." The guard nodded at you before opening the door and letting you two in. The door shut firmly and you tried to grab Nikolai's hand, but he dashed away from you towards the large stained glass window before turning to face you.

"It's so big in here, ptashka. I haven't been in a library in sooooooo long. I actually love to read, y'know?" He said, smiling and motioning for you to join him. The colorful stained glass reflected on his face, casting multicolored kaleidoscopes on his face.

You joined him, admiring his beauty momentarily before leaning against the window and crossing your arms. "I didn't know that, no. To be honest, I didn't think you were much of a reader.." You said lightly with a giggle.

Nikolai grinned back, "Heh. There's a lot you don't know about me, dove." He looked away, lowering his voice a bit, "But that's fine. You'll have plenty of time to learn everything later~" You looked at him confusedly, not quite catching what he said, but you remembered the reason you came and grabbed his hand again.

"Anyways, was there a particular book you were looking for? I know this place pretty well." He laughed in response.

"Ah, is that so? Well, I'm looking for The Overcoat. It's my favorite book." Nikolai said proudly, like he was trying to impress you with his literature selection.

"The books are sorted by last name. Do you know the author?" You asked, leading him towards the bookshelves. Nikolai just squeezed your hand and started skipping forward at a fast pace, practically dragging you behind him as he started giggling hysterically.

"Nope! Not a clue, hehe~" You paused and frowned at him. Who didn't even know the author of their "favorite" book? "The genre's fiction, though, if it helps~" Nikolai said giddily, turning towards you and swinging your arms from side to side. You sighed and slowly headed over to the fiction section. There were about 1,000 books to go through, so you weren't exactly too excited. Not that it bummed you out too much, though, since your husband had asked you to help the new girls clean if you finished early with patient duties. You supposed you'd rather spend your time with Nikolai finding his book.

You both agreed to search the shelves simultaneously, Nikolai looking on the higher shelves and you on the shorter ones. The space between shelves was quite narrow, making his chest rub against your back several times. He wasn't shy either, grabbing your hips to maneuver past you, causing you to jolt when he pressed himself behind you.

Starting to lose count of how many books and shelves you'd checked, you were falling into a tired daze until Nikolai's sudden shout woke you up. "I found it, dove! I'm the winner! Me, me, me!" You looked over to Nikolai, who now had his book in his hands, and shot him a relieved smile.

He hurriedly headed towards you as you gave him some congratulatory praise. "Guess our work's done here, then. Let's get some lunch and call it a da⎯"

He hugged you suddenly, making you yelp as he giggled and wrapped his arms around your waist, pulling your back against him. He leaned in by your ear, squeezing you tighter, inhaling your scent, "Say, dove, do you still have the roses I gave you from the courtyard?" You perked up toward him as he smiled, awaiting your response.

You did. You'd placed them in a small glass vase⎯trimming the thorns off⎯and put it on your dresser. Somehow, the sickly sweet smell was stronger in your room than it was in the courtyard. "Yeah," you smiled, "They're in a vase by my dresser. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of them because of how beautiful they were." Nikolai snickered at that, delighted that you'd cherished his little gift.

He slowly smirked, "Your husband doesn't give you flowers, does he?" You tensed up a bit under his arms but relaxed again, frowning and looking down.

"No, he doesn't. I think the last time was during our honeymoon." Nikolai cuddled into your neck after that, rubbing your sides like he was trying to comfort you.

"What a shame, love. You should leave him for me. He doesn't deserve you." Nikolai said, his teeth barely grazing your ear, sending shivers down your spine. Was the space always this narrow?

"I can't. It doesn't work like tha⎯"

"Why not, though? Leave him for me. I'm actually perfectly sane, y'know? I know how to make you happy, how to free you from his cage..." He paused, "How to touch you..." His hands on your waist trailed down, pushing your skirt up higher.

"H-hey!" You stammered, stopping his hands from going further with your own, "We can't do this. There are cameras here." You anxiously looked around, trying to find them, but Nikolai's hand grabbed your face and pulled it back down to him.

"Shhhhhh. Stop worrying, myla. This is a blind spot. It's covered by the light, see?" He tilted your face up slowly again toward the camera, which was in fact covered by a big, dusty lantern. How convenient.

He pushed your skirt up again and grinded himself on you, and you swore you could feel his bulge pressing up against you. "You've been driving me crazy, dove, since yesterday I've only been able to think about you," he grunted, slipping his hands into your loosened dress and under your lacy bra to palm and squeeze your breasts. "The sounds you made...I wanna hear them again."

Your head was screaming at you to run away and get the guard, but you couldn't ignore the wet spots on your matching lace panties from your arousal. To be honest, you didn't remember the last time you'd been this intimate with anyone, and your body was clearly craving touch. Your breath hitched as Nikolai kissed below your ear, working his way down to the crook of your neck. You were starting to feel lightheaded.

Becoming more desperate for a reaction, Nikolai suddenly pinched your sensitive nipples and bit down on your neck, causing you to yelp in pleasure. "A-ahh K-Kolya⎯" The sudden impact caused you to push back against his clothed member and grip onto the sturdy shelf in front of you for support. You could feel him grinning in satisfaction, letting out a low groan.

"Mmm there's the pretty noise I wanted to hear~" Nikolai replaced his lips with his tongue, trailing slowly up and down your neck as you kept bucking against him, needing more friction. "Dove," he heaved as you mewled upon feeling his tip brush against your clit through eachother's clothes. He couldn't handle seeing you start to lose yourself. "F-fuck, kiss me".

Nikolai grabbed your hips suddenly and turned you around, so your back was against the wooden shelf. You looked up at his face; he was panting heavily, eyes filled with lust, and a few strands loose from his usual kept braid. The sight of him made your cheeks flush and your panties even wetter. You wrapped your arms around his neck and pulled him in, bringing one hand to his lips and tracing his bottom lip with your thumb. You gazed intently at his lips. Just one kiss will be fine, right?

Both of your noses were practically rubbing against each other as Nikolai started to dip down. "Kolya, I⎯"

BAM!

You instinctively pulled away as you recognized the sound of the old library door being kicked down. As the stomping of the guards' boots grew closer, you pushed Nikolai off your body and fixed your dress. Nikolai shot you a surprised glance as the guards knocked down the heavy bookshelves to open up the space around the two of you, eliminating the narrow confines. You couldn't process what was happening as five guards circled around Nikolai, drawing their guns and pointing them at him as he put his hands up. Another guard was slowly approaching you, lifting the walkie talkie up to his mouth.

"06, copy. Patient Gogol has been surrounded and apprehended successfully. We're on our way to the interrogation room," He glanced over to you, still sitting down in shock, "His attendant's here, too. We'll bring her to you, Boss."

Boss? Your husband? Shit, had you been caught?

You were so lost in your thoughts that you didn't even notice Nikolai being handcuffed and pushed out the door⎯or the way he looked back at you⎯until the guard put his hand on your shoulder and called out your name. "Miss, we need to get going. We'll explain everything once we're with the boss again." He helped you up as you trailed slowly behind him with a churning stomach and The Overcoat clutched tightly in your arms.

˚₊‧꒰ა part 2 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

˚₊‧꒰ა part 3 ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

#vanilladove #vanilladovebsd #bungo stray dogs #nikolai x reader #nikolai gogol x reader #nikolai smut #bsd smut #bungou stray dogs #bsd #nikolai gogol x reader smut #nikolai gogol #nikolai gogol smut #nikolai x reader smut #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #not me having to rewrite this twice bc tumblr didnt save properly #way too many words lol #splitting this up into 3 parts bc aot has been breaking me

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vanilladove · 21 days ago

Text

‧₊˚ ☾. ⋅ haunted

spooktober 2024 masterlist

⁶𖤐⁶genre: (light) smut w/ plot; 18+ only!

⁶𖤐⁶content warnings: nsfw 18+, virginity loss, implied age gap, demon marking, dubcon, supernatural, blood kink, corruption kink, 19th century au inaccuracies

⁶𖤐⁶summary: you're a young maid working for a mysterious, occult-obsessed household, so everything seems normal when a demon appears out of nowhere and is friendly to you...until he marks you; myshka = mouse

⁶𖤐⁶word count: 6.0k

You shivered upon feeling a cold breath against the nape of your neck. Not that it was too unusual⎯this new house was always chilly. That was one of the many strange things you stopped questioning once you started being a maid for the wealthy Ivanov family. The lady of the house had taken pity upon you, a sweet and innocent orphan of the church.

The Ivanovs themselves were interesting...they were obsessed with the occult and their house reflected it. The whole house was black, dimly lit by chandeliers, covered in dark rugs and obscure art, and displayed the family's several haunted possessions. Allegedly, Lady Ivanova had sacrificed one of her children to summon a demon, and several of the previous maids and servants had mysteriously disappeared after having tea with her.

However, you didn't have time to worry about baseless rumors with how much they were paying you and how much more freedom you had now that you were gone from the orphanage. The Ivanovs had gone to a big circus in Ukraine, so you were currently watching the house and in charge of keeping it tidy in their absence.

You resumed hanging up some of Lady Ivanova's gowns, alone in her gothic yet luxurious room. Although cleaning usually brought you some peace, your skin always crawled upon going into her room. She had several creepy dolls, stuffed animals, and figures up on the wall, and you would turn them around to avoid their large glass eyes and deranged faces. Exhaling, you were shocked to see your breath materialize from the low temperature of the room, watching the white fog leave your lips.

Crash!

You yelped upon hearing something fall to the floor. Turning around, you looked to see a wooden demon and a doll dressed in a maid's uniform on the floor. The doll's black gown and white lace apron mirrored your attire. Your stomach turned as you hastily picked them up, rotating them to check for any damages before placing them back on their respective wall shelves. You put the doll back, but the wooden demon's shelf was a bit higher, so you went up on your tiptoes to try and reach it, but your hands flailed helplessly in the air. You sighed as you went down, looking up again to try and see if there was a better angle to reach up from.

Stepping to the side, you used your free hand to grip a nearby shelf and went up on your toes again, grabbing the demon figurine, but the outcome was still the same. You heard the hearty laugh of a man in the background, but you dismissed it, determined to put the demon up. Hearing voices was nothing new, and it seemed like the most activity always came from the lady's room. You swore whatever was in her room was always mocking you.

"Need some help, little girl?" You heard a sultry voice close to you.

Shut up. Shut up. Shut up. Just let me put this cursed piece of wood back on the shelf! You tried to ignore it⎯after all, you weren't quite sure if you were going mad or if supernatural presences really did dwell within the house.

You stepped up again, struggling until a firm hand wrapped around your waist and pushed the figurine up back to its rightful place. You paused, relieved yet alarmed by whatever presence had its chest pressed to your back, which had caused your skin to run cold again.

You yelped upon feeling another squeeze on your waist and cold breath fanning the shell of your ear, "Not even a thank you? Did no one teach you your manners, dear?" Whipping around, you tried to catch the man's face but all that was left was a faded brown book. Peering over, you caught its title.

Crime and Punishment.

Sighing, you turned all the dolls and figures back to their original position before suspiciously picking the book up and heading to the library.

⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚

You had always been pretty lonely. At the orphanage, you watched as your friends got adopted into new homes and the sisters started to leave for new places of need. Even though you had left that place, the Ivanovs had more hired you as a servant rather than as a daughter. You couldn't get along as well with the children either. The fraternal twins that were close to your age both tried to play tricks on you and cut your hair in your sleep, so you tried to avoid conversation with them. You just cleaned and did as you were told, reading in the unused library in your spare time.

Although the house never really felt empty⎯there was always some sort of entity lurking. Lady Ivanova had made you discard the cross necklace the church gifted you, claiming it would scare the 'residents' of the house. They too would play games with you, stealing and rearranging your belongings or messing up the furniture and decor, but it had stopped shortly after an old butler suddenly quit. After that, you would only see human-like shadows move across the walls and hear the disembodied voice of a Russian man. The house got even colder, and it was always the worst inside the library. You had an underlying suspicion that some new entity had possessed the house, but you were always too scared to search further.

But today you had to push aside your fears and enter the library to put the book back. Walking towards the bookshelves, you spotted some faint white smoke in the distance and followed the scent of freshly brewed black tea to a small table with two chairs.

Seated in one of the chairs was a tall, pale man wearing a white suit and matching ushanka, with a long black coat draped over his shoulders. He was holding a novel in one hand and a teacup in the other. You hugged the book tighter to your body. You had never seen a full-body apparition before, much less one that could consume human food or read literature. This spirit must be powerful.

You opened your mouth to speak, but the older man spoke first, "Ah, myshka, you finally decided to join me," he pulled the empty chair closer to him and patted on its pastel floral cushion, "Come, sit. I made tea for us."

A shiver ran down your back as his magenta eyes stared into you, along with the pleased smile on his face. You stepped back in fear, "W-Who are you? Another malevolent house spirit?" You mentally planned the fastest escape route since you weren't allowed to exorcise any entities per the family's rules, but the man sighed upon seeing your wandering eyes. He placed his novel on top of a neat pile of books beside his chair and crossed his legs, tilting his face to the side.

"Well, I am possessing this house. But I'm just in here because of boredom." He flashed you another warm smile, but you still stared at him warily. He had to build up some more trust with you, so he pushed a tiered stand with Russian tea cakes and gingerbread towards you, "Myshka, I know you're lonely, and you surely must be hungry from all that cleaning!" He pushed a teacup with hot tea and a smaller pitcher with condensed along with the stand, "Why don't you just have some tea and talk with me, so you can eat, and I can relieve some of my boredom? No one can tell you off anyways⎯there's nobody in this house but the two of us".

Your eyes perked up at that, and you couldn't deny the appeal of the sweets in front of you⎯dessert had always been your weakness. Clearly the stranger didn't seem to have any bad intentions, but you couldn't really tell since you'd always trusted people a bit too easily. You were also still shaken from the figures falling off the wall, so you supposed a short mental break wouldn't hurt. You still had over two weeks to clean, anyways.

"At least sit and talk with me for a while to repay me for helping you put those cursed dolls back on the shelf". You clutched the book harder.

"That was you? You helped me?"

He nodded slowly in response, laughing to himself as he recalled seeing you struggle on your feet, trying to pull yourself up on the wall for dear life. "Indeed. I tried to play a trick on you at first, but watching you jumping up was so pitiful I had to come to your salvation."

Salvation, huh. You exhaled, deciding that having tea with your so-called savior wasn't too dangerous.

The man smiled as you slowly uncrossed your arms and placed Crime and Punishment on top of his little book pile. As you sat down on the cushion, you watched his expression to see if anything would change, but he only kept his upturned smile. You usually played along with any spirits that came to the house, but it didn't seem like the man wanted anything more than tea with you. Somehow, you felt like you could trust him.

⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚

Sipping your milky tea, you took in the new stranger in front of you. You learned his name was Fyodor, and he was summoned by the Ivanovs, supposedly for protection from lesser spirits. He didn't elaborate much on his summoning ritual, but he emphasized that he was simply just interested in observing humans of this era.

"So...are you..." You put your teacup down, trying to take in his appearance, "...a phantom?" You were met with a blank stare, so you guessed again, "...Poltergeist? But you don't seem very disruptive..."

Fyodor sneered cockily, "You think that lowly of me, dear?" You pouted, dipping some gingerbread in your tea.

"I'm a demon. I've been watching over this world for a long time."

A chill ran down your spine from that. A demon? Wasn't he being too nice for a malevolent being? You guessed that explained why the house was so icy and devoid of its usual activity, though. Although your heartbeat was increasing, you tried to remind yourself of the fact that he didn't want to hurt you.

"Do you...drink blood then?" Fyodor leaned forward, eyes full of amusement. You swore you could almost see a glint of red in them.

"Hmmm...not quite. It doesn't satiate me anymore, and I've long outgrown the taste. I much prefer the taste of souls and innocence now, although I'll occasionally indulge in mortal food".

"How old are you then?" You asked, biting into a jam-filled tea cake. Fyodor smirked, entertained by your innocent curiosity. He also found your love for sweets to be quite cute and endearing, matching your delightful personality.

"I stopped keeping track a while ago, but I've lived long enough to see humans repeat their foolishness time and time again," Fyodor tipped your chin up, running a pale finger over your lips to collect the stray powdered sugar and jam sticking on them. His touch made your stomach flutter, and he brought his finger to his mouth, "In human years, I'm probably close to my late twenties⎯maybe 27 or so?" He licked the tip of his finger, making your cheeks heat up profusely. "Well, I'm certainly older than you, no?"

You shivered from the fact that he'd basically indirectly kissed you, "Y-Yes, I guess so!" You chirped, making Fyodor snicker.

"You keep shivering, darling. This house must be too cold..." He shifted, standing up to walk over and drape his fur-lined coat over your smaller frame. You gripped onto the long coat, reveling in the warmth it gave you, murmuring a grateful thank you under your breath. He bent down on his knees to get closer to your height and cupped your face tenderly. "Better?"

You nodded, sure he could see the blush across your face. "Stay warm, myshka, I'd be upset if you froze to death one day and couldn't talk to me anymore." His smile suddenly dropped, which caught you a bit off-guard; you watched him stand back up and dust-off his clothes, signaling he was going to leave.

Remembering your maid duties, you started to stack the fine china and gather the dainty silverware before you felt Fyodor's hands stop you. You looked up in confusion.

"Is something wrong? I have to clean up. If I don't, we'll get rat⎯"

"Leave it there, dear. I'll take care of it." Giving him a puzzled look, you put your hands back in your lap. "I'll talk to you tomorrow night. There are some ghosts outside I have to take care of." Somehow, him leaving you made you sad. It reminded you of when you'd make friends at the orphanage just for them to suddenly leave.

Fyodor took your delicate hand in his and brought it up to his lips, and he pressed a light kiss on the backs of your fingers, lingering momentarily to say, "Sleep well myshka," and then slowly fading away, the tea set-up going away with him.

You pulled his coat closer to your body, "Goodnight, Fyodor..." You whispered into nothing.

⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚

That night, you couldn't stop thinking about him...the mysterious demon haunting the house who somehow was nice to you. Did that make him a friend of some sort? You weren't too sure, as the church and orphanage had instilled in you to always fear and never trust supernatural beings.

Anxiously tossing and turning, you didn't see Fyodor again until the next day. You had just finished drying your freshly washed hair, and you nearly screamed after walking out of your bathroom and seeing him sitting at the foot of your bed, composedly reading a book again.

Upon hearing you stumble across the floor, he perked up with his signature smirk, "Ah, dear, did I scare you? I did tell you I would come back tonight, didn't I?" He slowly closed his book, and placed it next to a flower vase on your nightstand.

You shivered⎯there was an instant change in temperature as you stepped closer to your bed. It got colder and colder as you approached the demon. Fyodor's lowered gaze made you conscious of your thin nightgown which generously exposed your neck and collarbones and stopped right before your cleavage. Not wearing anything underneath, you used your arm to cover your chest, which was definitely more visible thanks to the cold.

"You did mention that, yes," you quickly slipped into your bed, pulling the covers up to shield your upper body, "I guess I just didn't expect you to come so...late." You brought your knees up to your chest, "I'm freezing..." You whispered, feeling a deep chill in your bones.

Fyodor smiled, turning towards you, "Want me to hold you for a bit? Both of our bodies against each other should provide some warmth, no?" His sultry voice sent tingles throughout your body, and you caught the dark purple glow in his eyes reflected by the moonlight.

Feeling a strange pull between the two of you, you nodded, making an opening in the covers for Fyodor to slip into. "S-sure!" You replied, feigning calmness, though your cheeks flushed under his intense gaze. You had never been this close to a man before, much less in bed with a man.

As he moved in next to you⎯which felt like it was taking forever⎯Fyodor chuckled softly, sensing your shyness and nervousness. You tried to move back against the wall to create some distance, but the demon pulled your chest firmly against his, bringing your faces close together while one of his legs snaked in between yours.

"F-Fyodor!" You tried to back up, not used to the close contact, but he held you in place. As you turned slowly, your breath caught in your throat as you met his bright eyes. His presence was equally alluring and terrifying. The room was lowly lit by the hazy night and your warm candles, but it was enough to see the sharp lines of his jaw and the way his lips curved in a mocking smile.

"Are you scared, little maid?" One of his hands went to your lower waist to caress the area, while the other tucked your hair behind your ears. You whimpered lightly as Fyodor drew circles and pressed on your stomach, not used to the foreign sensation or the tension building in your lower abdomen.

You tried backing up again but stopped upon feeling his soft lips run under your ear and hearing a soft groan leave his mouth, ""Mmm...your skin…your hair, so soft and silky…your scent…it's intoxicating," his lips went down to your décolletage and your breath caught in your throat, "...like the sweetest, finest roses of summer. I could just bury my face in your hair and breathe you in all day..."

All you could do was close your eyes, sure your once cold body was hotter than fire now from his touch. You gripped onto his shoulders tightly until you felt his warm breath leave your neck, and you slowly opened your eyes back up and halted his movements, "Fyodor, please⎯it's too much. I've never been touched by a man like this before⎯" You flashed your doe eyes at him, and he sighed and pulled away. You pouted, covering your chest again and pulling up your dress, which had slipped down from his coddling, "I'm warm enough now..." You were sure your flushed face and neck were evidence enough.

His hands went back up to gently rest at your waist, and an unreadable emotion circled in his irises⎯no one had ever stopped him from going further, but he guessed it was due to your shameful innocence that the church had instilled in you.

"Right...perhaps my method of warming you up was too...aggressive..." He tilited his head cutely, trying to play off his devious act, "I thought you had already experienced some form of intimacy." You shook your head shyly, and he frowned when you brought your knees back up to your chest to cover your body.

He wasn't too unsatisfied, though, and a gleam of excitement sparkled in his eyes as he thought of the fact that you were completely untouched, and the fact that he had just marked you, unknown to you. Yes, he was going to have fun ruining you.

"...dor! Are you listening to me?!" A soft poke on his cheek snapped the demon out of his thoughts. He peered back down at you, making you shiver when you locked eyes with him, "I-I asked if you would tell me a story from your past. I want to know more about you."

You really were so innocent that you'd already moved past what he just did to you, huh? "A story from my past?" Fyodor brought a finger up to his lip, contemplating, "Shall I tell you about the times I've seduced innocent women to get my way?" You coughed awkwardly, trying to cover up your embarrassed blush.

"N-No! Tell me about a time when you...umm..." Your frantically looked around the dark room, trying to hide how flustered you were from his burning gaze. He laughed, laying his head down against the pillow and motioning for you to do the same.

He patted your head, "Ah, I'm just teasing you, myshka. I'll tell you about the time I infiltrated a vampire's castle." You hesitantly laid down, resting your head on Fyodor's chest and allowing him to continue stroking your hair gently. You listened intently. No heartbeat.

His hands felt comforting in the cold dusk, and the vibrations from his deep voice put you to sleep easily. It was nice⎯it reminded you of a sister from the orphanage who used to tell you bedtime stories late at night when you couldn't sleep from nightmares.

You smiled softly before dozing off into a sweet dream, thinking about how Fyodor could become your new friend, or at least some sort of guardian since he warded off the other spirits in the house.

⋆.˚ ☾ .⭒˚

The next morning, you screamed loudly when you saw your reflection in the mirror. You had just taken off your nightgown, and right above the the seam of your underwear, a purple and black marking had suddenly appeared. It appeared to be an amethyst-colored Saint Peter's cross that faded out into strange black sigils.

Afraid of what it was, you jumped into the shower and tried your best to scrub it off, the scalding hot water making you wince. It was futile, though, and it only became more vibrant on your skin. You felt lightheaded, had you been cursed or hexed? Surely nothing presumably stronger than a demon could've appeared in the house?

You touched it again and shuddered. It felt just like when Fyodor was drawing circles on your lower stomach, and you felt funny again. You gasped as the marking became brighter, coincidentally also when you started thinking of Fyodor again. Fyodor.

Wait...maybe he could help you figure out and potentially remove the marking? He was certainly more experienced in supernatural matters anyway. You decided you'd enlist his help later as you slipped your black maid uniform on, grabbing the white lace apron as you made your way to the kitchen to resume your cleaning duties. You hoped you'd see the demon again, who had already disappeared by the time you'd awoken.

Grabbing a pail, you ran some hot water mixed with cleaning solution inside, watching your distorted reflection in the sudsy water, the bubbles swirling and making a rainbow cast from the sun's beams. You counted each one patiently as they formed.

...Or at least you thought you were; you made it to eleven before black spots clouded your vision, and a sudden, intense sensation of heat filled your upper body. You felt a cold pair of hands grab your breasts and circle around your aroused buds. A soft whine left your parted lips as you felt ghostly lips trailing across your neck, gently biting on your pulse points. You closed your eyes again, feeling warmth travel down your body, close to the strange marking.

It felt like you were trapped in a dream, and the hands felt familiar. You intertwined your fingers with the ones caressing your tits and slowly brought them down your dress, lower towards your skirt where a wetness was pooling. You tilted your face to the side to give him better access to your neck, feeling his dark hair tickle your shoulders.

Wait...him? Your eyes shot open, "Fyodor?" You turned around abruptly, but the sensations left instantly. You shrieked upon feeling water on your thighs, and looked down to see the pail overflowing and spilling sudsy liquid all over the kitchen floor. You reached to turn the faucet off, cursing yourself silently for getting distracted out of nowhere and making a mess. Additionally, no one was in sight, and there was no sign of Fyodor anywhere. You didn't even feel a nearby chill.

You sighed, stripping off your soaked dress and sweeping up the spilled cleaning solution with your mop and a few towels. You decided to take a temporary break, bringing the back of your hand to your forehead to check for a fever⎯you'd never gotten such intense heat flashes before.

Back in your bedroom, you didn't even bother changing into different clothes before lying back down on your bed, the cream duvet giving your perspiring skin some comfort. The heat flash had worn you out and made your eyelids heavy, so you barely noticed you'd slipped into a sweet dream.

His hands were back on your body again, this time touching your bare skin. You were on his lap, kissing his pale lips, and you shivered as you felt his cold hands down your back. You gasped as he pulled you down and slowly grinded your hips against his bulge. "F-Fyodor⎯" You moaned as his fingers slipped into your lace panties and he⎯

"Having a nice dream, my little maid?" A raspy voice startled you and pulled you back to reality as you tugged the covers off yourself and sat up, shocked to see the man you were dreaming about in front of you, next to the empty space on your bed. He had a satisfied smirk on his lips again, and his hand slowly went up to pet the top of your head.

You swallowed, hard. You'd never had a dirty dream before, and you certainly didn't expect Fyodor to wake you up in the middle of it. Wait, did that mean he heard you moan his name? You blushed and covered your face in embarrassment, in disbelief by your indecency. He giggled amusedly, "Is something the matter, dear?"

"I⎯" you started, mind still hazy and unsure of what details you could tell him. "What⎯" You were confused...when did he appear, and why were you so disoriented? You recalled wanting to talk to him about something, but your head felt full of too many thoughts.

You felt a burning sensation in your lower abdomen again, which reminded you of everything. You didn't know why, but you grabbed Fyodor's arms and pulled him closer, "I-I think I've been cursed...or hexed..." You tried to collect your thoughts as he wordlessly stared at you, urging you to continue, "There's...a strange mark on me...it looks satanic almost."

That piqued his interest, and he perked up, "A satanic marking, you say? That is my area of specialty...Where is it?" He smiled but it didn't quite connect up to his eyes, which were still intensely trained on your figure.

You swallowed, unable to think straight, "Here..." You trailed your hand down to where it was, right above your white ruffled cotton shorts. His eyes smoldered excitedly, but you stopped right before you could pull the waistband down to show him the mark, suddenly feeling hyper-aware of your lack of clothes. He watched, but you were too shy to continue.

Fyodor sighed, "Feeling shy? Allow me," he pushed you down slowly on the bed, and you yelped upon feeling the pillow hit the back of your head. Your hands flew to the waistband of your shorts quickly, but Fyodor only sneered mockingly, prying your hands away with ease.

"Oh, my little maid, there's no need to hide yourself from me. I've seen things far more…stimulating than this," his clawed hand gently pulled your arm away from your body and moved it to rest on his shoulder, exposing your skin to him, "You have nothing to be ashamed of. In fact, you should feel privileged to have such a...desirable body".

You felt the crimson rushing in your cheeks when you heard him say that, about to protest before he silenced you with a finger to your lip. He pulled the waistband of your shorts down slowly, and he smirked satisfyingly when he saw the purple and black mark sprawled across your skin.

You blushed again, feeling strange because he was basically on top of you, "W-What is it? Is it⎯"

"It looks better than I thought...very good..."

Your eyes widened, and before you could speak, Fyodor slowly traced along the lines of the marking, making you shudder uncontrollably. His fingertips felt like ice on your burning body, and you were already sensitive enough. You gasped and shook when Fyodor got to the center of the marking and pressed down on your womb, his claws slightly digging into your soft skin. You hands went back to halt his movements, but he stopped them again.

"Myshka, does it feel strange? You've never felt pleasure or been touched before..." You whimpered. His voice was so low and alluring, and it was making you even more lightheaded. "This marking...it's the mark of a demon. Given that it's here," He poked your womb again, which made you yelp, "it won't go away until your body's satisfied. Each day you delay it, the sensations will get stronger...You might even die if the feelings get too unbearable." He smiled darkly, continuing his slow tracing, making you shake even more.

"How...How do you know all that?" You questioned.

"How? Well, I was the one who placed it on you, darling." He smirked, and you quivered in fear when you saw fangs poking out. He leaned down to whisper in your ear, pressing you further into the bed, "Ah, my little maid…you're so innocent and fragile…and all mine," his hot breath tickled your skin and he gently nipped at your earlobe, "I want to do so many things to you…so many…sinful things… "

Your body jerked up, half in terror and half in arousal. You couldn't process anything, but you knew you didn't want to die. You felt like you were burning again, and the fact that Fyodor had you pinned down to the mattress with his larger, stronger frame didn't help. You still felt unsatisfied from your dream, and you knew your body wanted more.

"Fyodor, make the feeling go away, please..." You begged, and you swore a glint of red flashed in his eyes.

His hands found your wrists, gripping them tightly as he whispered seductively, "I'll corrupt you gently, darling, as your first and last..." You whimpered as you felt his fingers roam your body, his touch becoming more and more possessive.

"The dream you were having earlier...what sorts of things was I doing to you?" His claws pulled your shorts and panties down to your thighs, "Was I touching you here?" You hips bucked upwards as you felt his fingers run over your slit. It felt like you were being shocked, and you moaned when he started drawing circles around your sensitive clit. Your body jolted from the new sensations, and Fyodor laughed lowly at your amusing responses.

"It was something like this, then?" He pressed your hips back down on the floral sheets, and you swore your eyes rolled back in your head from the new feeling. His fingers sped up, and you gasped when you felt him pinch your arousal.

"Mmm⎯F-Fyodor, 'feels...funny⎯" He chuckled, not offering any sympathy and continuing his fast circles, adding to the heat building up in your lower stomach.

"You're so innocent, myshka...I'll make you feel even better." He grinned manically as he slipped your clothes off your legs and spread your legs further, baring your naked body to him. You shivered, not used to feeling this exposed. You'd never shown your pristine self to a man, or a demon for that matter.

Feeling your hesitation, Fyodor pushed himself between your legs to stop them from closing up and slowly kissed down your heated skin, starting from the valley of your breasts and staring into your eyes until he went down to your womanhood. "So delicate..." He whispered, before placing a kiss on your wet slit, making you whine. "This might hurt a bit, but stay still." You nodded slowly before yelping when you felt Fyodor stop his circling motions to insert a finger inside your tight hole. The pleasure turned painful all of a sudden, and you felt a searing rip course through your lower half, as well as a slight scratch from his claws. You grunted and tears stung your eyes from the intrusion, but it only seemed to turn Fyodor on more.

He groaned, but it bordered a possessive growl, "F-Fuck, myshka, you're so tight⎯" The way your virgin pussy tried to push out his slender finger was driving him mad; he hadn't had a pure maiden like you in so long. "I'm going to ruin you tonight..." He whispered to himself, inaudible to your overstimulated ears.

He pushed his finger back in you, trying to go slower to accommodate the stretch you felt. You kept shaking, so Fyodor bent down to capture your lips softly in a kiss, "Is this your first kiss, too?" You blushed, looking away. Truth to be told, although you'd never been intimate with a man, you had kissed a boy from the orphanage when you were younger. It wasn't exactly the same, but it still counted as a kiss, right? You stayed silent and pulled away for a bit, causing a small surge of jealousy to course through the demon's veins.

"...I see." He used his free hand to tear off your thin tank top, taking a moment to allow his eyes to skim every curve and contour of your body. You reflexively wanted to cover yourself up again, but Fyodor's glare cut into you and stopped you from even thinking further about it.

You gulped and looked down to see him pull back his ring finger, which was now lightly coated in blood. Your blood, from what you guessed was your hymen. The crimson reflected off his irises as he licked it off tantalizingly slow, eyes trained on you the whole time.

Then, before you could process anything, he pushed two fingers back inside of you, making you screech again from shock. It surprisingly didn't hurt as much, perhaps because of the power encased in the marking. When he curled his fingers up inside you, you moaned, loudly. A hand flew to cover your mouth to hide the embarrassing, shameful sounds leaving your lips.

Fyodor scoffed, pushing your arm down again, "Darling, don't cover your mouth. There's no one here but me to hear your pretty noises," He leaned down again, biting the shell of your ear, making you clamp down on his fingers, "I wouldn't claim you like this if I didn't want all of you."

Your mouth fell wide open as he fucked his fingers faster into you, the stretch feeling more bearable now. His thumb went back up to play with your clit and his fingers found the gummy spot inside you that made you see stars. He loved the way profanities and his name repeatedly slipped off your tongue as he went on, knowing you were slowly but surely giving into the hedonistic pleasure he was giving you.

He resumed his kisses and made his movements more shallow, which made you claw at his hands desperately, but it did nothing to stop him. "A-Ah, my stomach feels weird⎯S-Stop⎯"

Your whimpers made him smirk pridefully, "Hah, cumming from just my fingers? It's okay, myshka, I know it feels strange." He caressed your cheek gently, "Just release whenever, okay?"

You felt weak by the time your "release" finally washed over you. The pressure made your vision go blank for a moment and you felt your whole body relax blissfully before slowly tightening back up again.

Your muscles were limp and your cunt was so sensitive that you flinched when Fyodor pulled his fingers away. You breathed heavily, noticing the mark was glowing an angry purple. "Was that..."

"A orgasm, yes." Fyodor brushed the tears from the corners of your eyes and brought his fingers to his mouth, slowly sucking your juices clean. He sighed lustfully, voice dropping to a seductive purr, "This taste...is the closest I can get to Heaven..."

You moaned from his praise, watching him savor your taste on his tongue. Once your heartbeat slowed down a bit, you pulled Fyodor back down, missing the weight of his body against yours.

"You're so stunning, darling. I could just…devour you right here," He ran his tongue along the crook of your neck, baring his fangs on your pressure points. He bit down softly on the spot where he felt your pulse, and you exhaled as you felt him drawing blood from your sweet spots, which felt like euphoria, "But this will have to suffice for now..." Your overheated body finally felt like it was the right temperature, and the marking finally faded away.

You tangled your hands in Fyodor's raven hair, whispering sadly to yourself, "Is this...the last time I'll see you?" Are you going to leave like everyone else? Your eyelids felt heavy.

He chucked softly again, "Myshka, don't you know that once you're in a demon's grasp, there's no escape?" He kissed along your bites, your blood staining his pale lips a pretty cherry red. Somehow, his statement seemed more comforting than threatening, which was strange. Perhaps you really had been corrupted, seeking comfort in the sweet nothings of a being who just wanted to taint your soul and innocence.

Fyodor pulled you close, his arms wrapping around you as he gazed into your eyes, gaze soft with longing and desire, "Goodnight, my little maid," He leaned in to give you a gentle, sweet kiss that tasted slightly of iron, "May your dreams be as sweet as your taste upon my lips…"

#vanilladove #【ｖａｎｉ＇ｓ　ｓｐｏｏｋｔｏｂｅｒ　２０２４】#vanilladovebsd #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoevsky x reader #fyodor x reader smut #bsd smut #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky x reader smut #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor dostoevsky bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #i got too lazy to make this a full smut im sorry .^.#the way its literally halloween and i still have 3 more fics to go...help #happy halloween my loves <3

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vanilladove · 6 months ago

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♱ ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹ sinful angel

gif creds the-chikyuu-times

𐙚 ⋆˚.⋆ pairing: hacker!fyodor x camgirl!reader

𐙚 ⋆˚.⋆ genre: smut w/ plot; 18+ only mdni!!!!!!

𐙚 ⋆˚.⋆ content warnings: light bsd manga spoilers, dubious consent + manipulation, sexwork mentions, sex toy use, slight exhibitionism/voyeurism, some degrading (+ lots of praise to balance it out)

𐙚 ⋆˚.⋆ summary: you've caught the eye of cybercriminal fyodor dostoevsky, who regards you as his sweet angel. watching you isn't enough to satisfy the lurking demon, who wants nothing but to corrupt you. translation notes: "milaya" = sweetheart, "shlyukha" = whore

𐙚 ⋆˚.⋆ word count: 5.7k

Fyodor sighed in annoyance, running his hands through his dark hair as he looked at all the computer screens in front of him. He was tracking down an arms dealer that was nothing but a pawn ready to be disposed of. The monitor displayed footage from the dealer's apartment, and showed him standing in the lobby making a phone call.

By the way he was hurriedly whispering, Fyodor could tell he was trying to be discreet. It was useless. The dealer was too occupied trying to hide his words from the security guard that he didn't even realize Fyodor had hacked into his phone and was listening in on the whole conversation. It had already been thirty minutes, and the hacker felt restless, waiting for the stupid pawn to just go back to his room and find the sweet gift awaiting him—another henchman ready to shoot him dead.

The dark haired man anxiously bit his fingernail until he heard something—no, it must've been the voice of an angel—through the recording of the dealer's phone conversation. His eyes narrowed onto the source of the voice from the screen.

There you stood, wearing a pastel pink and white lacy top, white cotton maxi skirt, white flats, and a ribbon in your flowing hair. You sweetly greeted the security guard, giving them a fresh pastry that you'd presumedly just bought. Your saccharine voice and mannerisms struck Fyodor's cold heart, snapping him out of his boredom. A precious anomaly in a world of pawns and subordinates, an angel.

His magenta eyes followed your movements towards the elevator, and his fingers instinctively typed in code to display the elevator's camera feed onto a different monitor, noting your floor number and the room number transcribed onto your keys. Pulling up another set of cameras for your floor's hallway and your attached balcony, Fyodor watched as you entered your unit and set your bag down on the dining table, pulling out a strawberry custard tart and going to the kitchen to pull out a mug and a teabag. He smiled, watching you brew his favorite blend of black tea and pulling out your laptop to find a show to watch while enjoying your midday treat. In his eyes, you were a woman of fine taste. An elegant lady that held herself to the highest standards of purity and grace. Your apartment was clean, with the right amount of cute, feminine touches and white lace everywhere. Truly a sight for sore eyes, and the perfect relief for an overworked criminal mastermind like himself.

The dealer's phone call suddenly ending interrupted Fyodor's daydreams as he turned his back to the screen showing you and watched the dealer take the elevator. He guessed it would take forty-five minutes or so to get the job done and cover all the tracks of the murder. After that, he promised his attention would be on you again.

♱ ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹

Fyodor Dostoevsky was a lonely man. Throughout his many lifetimes, he'd never sought out a companion, nor did he necessarily have the desire to. More and more, he found himself displeased by the new generations of sinners, unimpressed by virtually everyone. He didn't care much for consuming media, but for some reason he had a strong urge to watch the movie with you. Judging your character, he was sure you were watching some cheesy rom-com or a soapy drama. He was intrigued and bewitched by you and your sweet nature, which was why he couldn't help hacking into your laptop to see what you were watching, planning a 'movie-date' of sorts in his mind.

What he wasn't expecting to see was you spread open, in white lace lingerie and stockings, touching yourself.

Fuck, were you recording yourself?

His eyes widened, watching your manicured nails circle around your glossy clit, panting as you ran your fingers up and down your opening. Your thin panties were pulled to the side, leaving your bare cunt on display, slick dripping down. You whined and bucked your hips as you slipped two fingers inside, whining from the stretch.

"A-ahh, f-fuck—" You whimpered, your arousal leaking more from the pressure of your movements. You were moaning louder now, your other hand coming underneath your knee to expose your stocking and give a better view to the camera.

"Mmm—I'm gonna cum—make sure to watch, 'kay?"

Fyodor watched in utter shock as he witnessed you in a complete state of lustful pleasure. His angelic fixation was actually nothing more than a sinful temptress, a camgirl. As disappointed as he wanted to be, he couldn't ignore the strain against his pants. Seeing your blissful state, the bunched up lace, and listening to your sweet voice was enough to make him painfully hard for you.

With a groan, he leaned back into his padded chair, freeing his pulsing cock and tightly stroking up and down his length, eyes squinting yet open so he could still see your sensual body on the monitor screen.

He shamefully squeezed his leaking tip, trying to time his movements with your soft moans. Fyodor carefully trained his gaze on your pussy, closely watching your arousal drip down your slit, and how you gradually squeezed your thigh harder for relief.

You suddenly popped your fingers out and rubbed fast around your now swollen clit, body moving slightly as you heaved your chest from the feeling. You were practically whimpering at this point, close to finishing. Fyodor stroked faster to match your neediness, starting to buck his hips into his hand. His face was surely flushed a rosy pink by now, matching the color of his darkened tip.

“C-cumming—guys, I’m cumming—” You jerked up slightly, fingers leaving your clit to lightly spread your folds as your cum dripped out of your loosened hole, dampening the fuzzy white blanket below you. Your legs were shaking a bit as the orgasm washed over you, but Fyodor’s eyes widened again after you slowly wiped the excess cum around the outside of your pussy and the crevices between your thighs, leaving your skin glossy and shiny. You giggled sweetly, causing more blood to rush straight to his hard cock.

“Ahh, I kinda made a mess, didn’t I?! Let’s try this one next~!” You slowly pulled out a pink dildo, kissing the tip of it loudly and carefully rubbing it around your slit to lubricate it with your juices, gasping anytime it hit a sensitive spot.

God, you vixen. You knew what you were doing.

The hacker couldn’t resist, sweat starting to bead at his forehead as his breath got thicker in the air, cock feeling heavier and tighter while watching you tease yourself with the sex toy. He couldn’t help but wish it was his cock instead of that fake dildo that was slipping in and out of his pretty angel’s cunt as he fucked up into his fist more intensely. Borderline growls left his lips as he tried to chase his own release, which he cursed himself for since it wasn’t coming out fast enough.

As your own moans got louder and more broken, Fyodor could feel himself getting equally as lost into his own delusions, trying to satiate the long suppressed lustful desires. One orgasm wasn’t enough, he needed—no, craved—more, and long after your stream had ended, he couldn’t hold himself back from exploring your page, going through your different videos with one hand stroking his unsatisfied dick.

♱ ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹

Catching his breath, Fyodor cleaned himself off afterwards, feeling ashamed yet incredibly turned on from his actions. It was probably the hardest he’d came in a long time. As much as he wanted to continue to obsess over you, he was rudely interrupted by Nikolai barging into his space. Fyodor turned his chair immediately and glared at the white-haired jester.

Nikolai smirked mischievously, “What the hell, Dos, you watchin’ porn or something?” He taunted, causing Fyodor to scowl and throw his dirty napkins at him, which Nikolai swiftly avoided.

“None of your business…and knock before you enter my room.”

Fyodor gritted his teeth. Was it his own noisy groans or the audio of your moans playing out loud that Nikolai could hear? He secretly hoped it was the former since he didn’t want anyone else hearing his angel’s precious voice, especially not in such a lewd state.

“Well whatever, I was just letting you know that I killed and disposed of the dealer, so I expect my payment.” Nikolai waved his hands dismissively before pausing, tilting his head in a coy manner before grinning at Fyodor again, “By the way, if she’s a cam girl, you can usually tip her if you want a more personal interaction.”

Fyodor narrowed his eyes again, throwing more badly-aimed tissues at Nikolai. “Get. Out.” He threatened sternly, sick of Nikolai’s antics. The jester didn’t care, only laughing pridefully and singing “Dos likes a girlllll~” before leaving.

After waiting for his footsteps to disappear, Fyodor pulled up your account again. Coincidentally, you went by the alias of “angel” and dedicated your whole page to a soft, lacy aesthetic, becoming the perfect sinful object of desire for your subscribers. He found the paid chat and calls for your account, and swiftly made an encrypted account to send you a message, noticing you were still online.

demonfyo: My angel, how are you? Your beauty has entranced me, and it’s all I can think about…

angel ଘ(੭◌ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚: hiiiiiiiii~♡ oh, how you flatter me demonfyo, i’m blushing (￣▽￣;) i’m feeling very playful atm hehe what abt you?

demonfyo: I’ve been trying to pray and repent all night, but I can’t get your pretty pussy and voice out of my thoughts.

angel ଘ(੭◌ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚: sounds like my charm is working hehe ૮꒰ ྀི >⸝⸝⸝< ྀི꒱ა i'm happy i could help you get off lots ♡

demonfyo: Can you bless me with a short call, darling? I need you.

angel ଘ(੭◌ˊᵕˋ)੭* ੈ♡‧₊˚: yesyes! do you want to do a video call? ૮₍´˶• . • ⑅ ₎ა

demonfyo: No, I just want to hear your sweet voice for a bit before I go to bed. Is that alright?

The incoming message notification sent your heart racing. Somehow, the new user had caught your attention. Swinging your legs cutely on your soft sheets, you couldn’t help but feel giddy about the mysterious sender. Typically, those who paid for messages got straight to the point, often explicitly stating their feelings towards you with no filter or immediately requesting a personalized video call. Seeing someone address you so adoringly certainly pulled on your heartstrings a bit, and the mystery behind what the new sender wanted was making you excited. You pressed the call button, anticipating the voice on the other side.

You cleared your throat, "Hihi, This is Angel~! Is this demonfy—"

"Fyodor. Call me Fyodor, angel". Your mysterious caller's deep, husky voice startled you. From the way he was messaging you, you half expected it to be some horny old man, but the man calling you sounded attractive. Fuck, you were getting a little turned on—thanks to your secret voice kink.

Of course, your small reactions didn't go unnoticed by Fyodor, who was intently watching you on his monitor. He smirked pridefully after seeing the rose on your cheeks and the way you slowly clenched your thighs together from hearing his voice.

"F-Fyodor. Umm, h-hi. Was there anything you wanted to talk about?" You quickly tried to regain some composure, nervous about talking to someone desirable, not just the usual degenerate. It didn't fool Fyodor, though, who you could hear sneering on the other side. You bit your lip—even his laugh was hot.

Fyodor spoke slowly, "Stuttering, huh...Do I make you nervous, milaya?" Your breath hitched, which he caught again. You were too fun to tease. "You're not used to being intimate with other men? Even though you're a camgirl?"

"N-no, it's not that...I'm just not used to non-sexual conversations." You huffed, trying to sound less flustered, "And I don't get intimate with other men; it's just me in front if the camera. N-not that I'd be opposed to having a special guest though—!"

He smiled at that, noting how hot and bothered you were getting, "Would you do it with me, then? I could make you feel better than that cheap pink dildo."

"W-what?!" You quickly shot out, gripping the sheets for balance, drawing another mocking laugh from Fyodor, which made you instantly regret it. Pull yourself together, girl! Maybe he's trying to roleplay!

"Yes, I would,” you muttered, trying to recover your confidence and add a flirty tone to your voice, “Would you whisper dirty things in my ear?”

Fyodor tilted his head, watching you bite your lip before whispering sweetly into the microphone, “Only if you begged me to, my sweet girl. You like my voice that much?”

“Maybe~” You teased, starting to feel tension build up again in your core. You lightly moved across your sheets, trying to relieve some of your pent-up arousal—even though you knew it wouldn’t be enough. Fyodor sighed watching you sink further into your bed, eyes starting to gloss over.

“Touch yourself and dream of me tonight, and it might happen,” your caller whispered, admiring you through the screen and smiling when you gasped and gripped the sheets tighter. “Sweet dreams, my pretty angel. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He whispered the last part to himself and ended the call before you could even process what he said or respond, making you double back at the empty screen.

You pouted, already missing Fyodor’s voice, but that didn’t take your attention away from how wet you were. Even your fatigue couldn’t stop your heartbeat, and you hastily opened your drawer of toys and reached for a baby pink vibrator, silently cursing yourself for being so horny and cursing your caller for leaving you hanging. You laid back in your bed, pulling aside your shorts as you covered you eyes in shame. No one had ever had this much of an effect on you. Imagining Fyodor’s sultry voice, you turned on the toy and moved it downwards, unaware of the violet eyes trained on you and following every movement and sound.

♱ ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹

You closed your laptop and stretched after editing some videos to tease your fans with. It was raining hard outside, ruining your plans to go out and get your usual strawberry tart. Sighing and opening your fridge, you thought about what to make for dinner.

You settled on pasta and grabbed a pot, filling it with water and turning on the stove. You went to grab some noodles before turning around and realizing the stove wasn’t turning on. Confused, you tried pushing the buttons on your oven and microwave, but they weren’t responding. A power outage? Strange, but at least your internet was still working. You really needed to call maintenance, but it could wait. You instead opened a food delivery app, ordering some vodka pasta and tiramisu and laying down annoyedly on your couch, drinking some rosé that you poured for yourself. Resting for about 20 minutes, a knock on your door woke you up.

A bit buzzed, you walked to the door and opened it to see your delivery person. He had shoulder length dark hair and a big hat was covering his face.

“Thanks!” You said sweetly, grabbing the paper bag from the man. He nodded slowly and you noticed the drops of water beading off the front strands of his hair. Oh, right, it was pouring outside. “U-Um, wait! Before you go, let me grab you a towel and some tip money. I feel kinda bad about the weather.” You tried to offer some sympathy and set your food on your dining table before going into your room to fish out some extra change from your wallet. Rushing back to the door, you were surprised to see that the delivery man was gone, and your door was now shut.

“Where did he go?” Muttering under your breath, you opened the door to look out into the hallway before sighing and closing the door. Maybe he was in a rush…at least you got to keep your money…

Your eyes widened right after closing the door, though, and a shiver ran down your spine as you felt warm air against your ear, “Hello, my angel.” You shrieked as you whipped around to see the same delivery man without his hat and a pair of glowing purple eyes staring back at you menacingly.

Alarmed, you tried to open the door and scream loudly for help, but the dark-haired man pulled your body against him and put a hand to your mouth, the other pulling you in and and resting on your back. “Why so scared, milaya? Didn’t you want to see me last night?” You yelped instinctively as you recognized the husky voice, which made you turn cold.

Fyodor.

“F-Fyodor! W-What are you doing here?!” You tried to back up, but he followed you, still holding you tightly as your back hit the door. He only grinned evilly, eyes low and mentally undressing you—not that your floral lace set was hiding anything, especially since you were bra-less and only had a skimpy white thong on. His hot breath fanned over your face as you took him in. He was much taller than you with a relatively thin frame, and his voice matched his ghostly, handsome appearance—like the attractive villain in a movie. But his touch was cold, so cold.

“You’re so beautiful, angel, yes, much more in person,” he whispered lowly, dragging his lips down from your ear to your jaw, “I’ve always taken a liking to pretty people, and you, milaya, are no exception.” You were shaking, fearful of his intentions—it was no secret that people into your work were suspicious. He looked up at you with an almost predator-like expression. “I’m going to move my hand. If you know what’s good for you, don’t scream. Understand?”

He was taunting you, but you were to afraid to fight back, and you nodded slowly in compliance, earning a cunning smile from him as well as a peck on your forehead as he moved his hands away from your mouth to slowly caress your cheeks. Your mouth was sealed shut from fear. “Good girl…I’m going to reward you now.” He whispered slowly before moving his head down to capture your lips in a slow kiss. You tried to keep your eyes open, but they closed upon feeling his soft touch.

Despite intruding into your apartment and forcing himself on you, he kissed you sensually, like a lover. Your hands pressed against his chest, but as he slipped his tongue in your mouth, your hands went to tangle in his long hair, still slightly damp from the rain, drawing a low groan from him. His knee came in between your leg, and the sudden pressure made you moan into the kiss, the shock causing you to break away from him and pant to catch your breath. You cursed your face for betraying you—your cheeks felt hot and you were sure you were blushing like crazy. Not to mention the fact that you could feel your nipples hardening beneath your long sleeve top.

As much as you wanted to blame your body’s reactions on the rosé you were drinking earlier, a part of you knew it was because of his voice, which you’d been fantasizing about since the call. Not to mention, being a cam girl made you turned on by the thought of your caller visiting you. As ashamed as you were, you knew Fyodor was enjoying every bit of your internal struggle, the sly smirk still on his face as he felt your heat on his clothed thigh. He quickly went to your neck, nipping and kissing your sensitive skin, somehow knowing where your sweet spots were and leaving light hickeys, making you whimper every time. His leg simultaneously grinded against your cunt, weakening the little balance you had left. You were starting to feel lightheaded and dizzy, wrapping your arms around Fyodor’s shoulders and playing with his hair.

Before pulling away and lowering his leg, he gently kissed over your hickeys along with the tears starting to prick your needy eyes. “Fyodor…” You started quietly, suddenly bashful and unable to make eye contact. He gave you a soft smile before tucking some loose strands of hair behind your ear. You looked so cute gripping onto his shirt for what seemed like dear life, too flustered to even look up. How easily his pretty vixen fell apart for him.

“Yes, my angel?” He responded, still gazing at your face affectionately, like he was deeply devoted to you.

“Can we…” You trailed off, not sure what to say since your heart, head, and arousal were all screaming different things at you. Fyodor stroked your face with his knuckles slowly, enjoying how fragile you were under him, how corrupted your mind became. His questioning deep hum vibrated through your body, making you shiver and hold your breath.

The demon had captivated his innocent angel, bringing out her most sinful desires and conjuring the unholy courtesan that she really was. “C-can you fuck me? Please, Fyodor, I want you—“ You begged, forcing your doe eyes to look into his piercing orbs. His lips twisted upwards, and he slowly stepped back from you, turning you around and leading you backwards to your nearby plush couch, encouraging you to continue.

“I dreamt of you last night after our call, but it wasn’t enough. I tried so many toys, but I really wanted you…” You whined, making Fyodor push you back faster. “I kept thinking about how good your dick would feel inside of me, and the things you would say to me. What kind of things do you lik—“ Your rambling was cut off by your legs hitting the edge of the couch, and Fyodor swiftly pulling you seated into his lap, your back hitting his lean chest.

He seemed to be satisfied with your pleas, not pushing you for anymore and driving you into an embarrassing silence. He rested his head on your shoulder and exhaled, lazily wrapping his arms around your waist, “I know, angel, I was watching you.” You moved your head an inch to the side, even more flustered about your words.

“…Oh, on my website and livestreams?” Fyodor shook his head slowly, making your stomach drop. He grabbed your chin and moved your face around your room.

“No, here, there, and…here!” He guided your face from your smart fridge to your balcony camera and finally to your laptop camera. He smiled upon feeling you gulp nervously. “Ah, I guess I watched your livestreams and videos, too, but it’s more fun to watch you alone from different cameras,” he mentioned it too naturally, like that wasn’t considered creepy or an invasion of privacy. He frowned teasingly, “You should really get a stronger security system, angel. Lots of hackers are out there, and they love to target helpless, sweet girls like you.” He smiled to himself; not like any security systems could protect you—he could bypass all of them.

“Oh, about that…you wouldn’t mind streaming this, would you?” Your body froze, but he continued. His hands left your waist to glide down your arms, moving his fingers on top of yours. He reached over to your laptop and dragged your fingertip on top of a key to unlock it, going over to your bookmarked website and hitting the record button to start a livestream. He hid the live comment notifications, so your attention would be only on him. Your heart was beating rapidly as you were too shocked—realizing that Fyodor was a cyberstalker and about to make his presence known—trying to move his hand, but the one minute timer was already counting down on the screen.

Fyodor sighed after seeing your appalled expression, seeing the timer at 50 seconds. "Angel, that's no good...your viewers won't like it if you don't show them a pretty face. I want you to enjoy this as much as I will." He pushed you off his lap onto the floor, and the force of your knees hitting the floor finally brought you back to the present.

"H-hey, wha—" You snapped, placing your hands on Fyodor's thighs to steady your kneeling figure. He only looked back at you lovingly again while petting your head. Shit, that expression made you wet weak.

He bent down to your level to kiss your lips while looking into your eyes with a sympathetic expression, "Please, angel, be good for me..." You closed your eyes for a moment to savor his sweet gesture, "Or at least do it for your loyal viewers." He smirked, reminding you of your job. To perform. He was just giving you the option to enjoy it or not.

You only turned your head and pouted, earning another snide laugh from Fyodor, before he swiftly pulled off his pants and boxers, revealing his springing hard-on. Your eyes widened. It was long, not too thick, and the pale mauve-ish tip was already starting to leak some pre-cum. Definitely bigger than your dildos.

He clicked his tongue, "Angel, time's up." The counter was at five seconds, and Fyodor placed his hand behind your head, pulling you closer to his length. "If you're still embarrassed or upset, you can just start—no need to do an introduction." He cooed, offering some faux condolences which made you narrow your eyes at him for trying to mansplain your own job.

You heard the beep notifying you that your stream had started, so you lowered your head to his tip and kissed it softly, using kitten licks to collect his built-up arousal around the slit. His hand gripped your hair tighter as he sighed from your motions, pleased that you were complying. Flashing doe eyes at him, you ran your tongue up and down his cock, placing kisses along the way and paying special attention to the throbbing veins around the side. He let out a low growl as you captured his heavy balls in your mouth, popping them in and out of your swollen lips. The intimate, sweet way you worshipped his dick was perfect.

"Angel..." He grunted, pulling your head back and signaling for you to stop teasing him. You sat up straighter and kissed his sticky tip one last time before gently taking it into your mouth and sucking slowly, working your way down to the base while swirling your tongue around his length. You looked up to see him flushed, now groaning in heat from the way you passionately sucked him off like a lover—not to mention how well you were taking him despite his big size. "Mmmm—you're doing so g-good...God y-you little—a-ahh—"

Fyodor threw his head back in ecstasy, your small bobbing motions and the sloppy sounds making him breathe heavily, both of your eyes clouded over with pure lust. Watching him become weak under your tongue was gratifying to say the least—you were clenching your thighs together, sure the viewers could see the wet spot on your thin shorts. His cock felt heavenly in your mouth, but you really wanted him in your—

He pushed your head flush against his pelvis, and it took everything in you to not gag from the abrupt intrusion as his tip poked the back of your throat. "I'm close, take it a-all, milaya—" Fyodor's groans got louder as you slowly pulled away, sucking along what you could and using your hands to pump whatever was left. You hummed along his cock, the vibrations making him close his eyes and tug on your hair, tears forming and starting to run down your face. He heaved deeply as he opened his eyes to look down at your pretty face, stroking your soft skin adoringly. You could tell he was close, so you moved closer to his tip, running your tongue across his sensitive slit, driving him over the edge. A deep grunt followed by the twitching motions of his aching cock were your final warnings as you got into a better position to follow his commands. You sturdied yourself against his thighs as his cum spilled down into your throat, making you moan.

Fyodor pulled your strands harshly, angling your head to ensure not even a single drop leaked out, making you lightheaded from the lack of air from what felt like being held still for forever. You turned to the camera, opening your mouth to prove you swallowed it all, and cleaning the residual cum on your mouth with your fingers before sucking them clean, the sight getting Fyodor hard again. Your lewd actions prompted a deep laugh from the dark-haired man, who was breathing heavily and busy coming down from the heaven you'd just sent him to, "My angel has quite a dirty mouth on her, doesn't she? You seem more like a succubus to me."

You simpered cheekily, stripping what was left of your floral lace set, teasing Fyodor and reveling in his intense gaze. You slowly rose up and sat in his lap, purposely pressing your ass against his stomach and spreading your folds with your fingers, teasing his tip with your entrance, making you hiss in lust. "Hey, Fyodor, can you put it insid—"

You were cut off with a harsh slap to your pussy and a rough yank on your hair, making you squeal in pain and pushing you back down against his chest. Fyodor pulled your hair at an upwards angle to face him, glaring into your lively eyes and inciting fear into them. "Don't forget I'm the one that's in control, shlyukha." His warning sent shivers throughout your body, and you nearly screamed when you felt him thrust into you, walls tightening around him, and you choked as he pushed deeper inside you, body stiff from how he just punished you. You gasped as he relentlessly filled you up with his length and stretched your spasming cunt—which you were sure was lewdly squeezing around him on camera. You could feel your eyes running again as he bottomed out in you—touching spots that even your biggest toys couldn’t reach.

He only smirked as he heard your whines and whimpers, which he knew would soon be replaced by pleasured cries because of how wet you got from giving him a blowjob. He kissed your tears away before guiding your hips back and forth on his cock, being more gentle and placing more kisses down from your ear to your neck. Upon hearing soft moans leave your lips, Fyodor drew small circles on your puffy clit, using his free hand to clasp your hands behind your back. Smirking after feeling you start to ride him to meet his thrusts, he playfully bit your ear, "Ha, I knew deep down you were just a sinful little slut."

More tears fell from your eyes as you felt Fyodor's dick reach your g-spot, the sensation sending a burning fire through your body. It was intense, much more so than anything you'd done solo. It was like all you could focus on was him, how rough yet passionately he was fucking you, how your head was full of his sultry, deep voice only, and how stuffed you were of his cock. You could feel yourself starting to unravel, moaning loudly as Fyodor pinched your sensitive nipples while gingerly kissing and nipping at your hickies.

"F-Fyodor, you're so m-mean". You murmured, the different sensations making you quiver under his touch. The blinding pleasure lolled your head forward, your front strands of hair covering your eyes, but you could still see Fyodor's magenta orbs cutting into yours through your peripheral, holding an intimidating expression.

His fingers swiped some stray layers to the side, his panting breath fanning over the shell of your ear, "I never said I was a nice man, milaya." You bit your lip after feeling him kiss under your ear, his gentle touches mixed with his unrelenting assault on your pussy driving you to your climax. Fyodor smiled as he felt you squeezing his cock so desperately and watched how your eyes fluttered, lashes wet from your tears but still framing your eyes so beautifully. "You're close, aren't you, angel? It's fine, let it all out on camera. Let everyone see how indecent you are." His finger circled faster around your clit and he groaned feeling you clench around his length again. "Show your loyal fans how much you love being fucked by a stranger." Another faint bite to your neck paired with a particularly rough thrust sent you over the edge. Juices dripping down from the spot your bodies connected, you cried out from the force of your orgasm washing over you.

Sighing from relief, Fyodor slowed your bouncing movements with slow strokes to bring you down from your high. Catching your breath again, you turned to face your cyberstalker, eyes dreamily looking at him, secretly tugging on his cold heart. You brought your face up, yearning to kiss him, but he only tilted your chin down and kissed your forehead instead, making you pout as he stared at you blankly. "I-I can't kiss you?" You asked, suddenly shy. Fyodor exhaled slowly, finding your faux innocence adorable. He didn’t tell you, but he wasn’t the type of man that enjoyed tasting himself on his lips—it was dirty, and that type of sinfulness was reserved for you and your lips only.

"So needy...this isn't enough for you, my angel?" You yelped as he roughly pulled you down on his member and came inside of you, the abrupt warmth flooding your insides and drawing a low moan from you. Fyodor kissed your neck before letting your restricted hands go and shutting your laptop to end the livestream. His phone buzzing made him turn his head, and he calmly moved to pull out of your snug cunt. He grunted as he felt your pussy gripping onto his cock tightly, trying to milk him completely dry. You whimpered when he finally pulled out, feeling empty and stretched out, already missing him pounding your walls as his cum flowed out of you, coating your plush inner thighs and staining your previously spotless couch.

He kissed your reddened cheek to offer some aftercare and sat up from the couch, grabbing his discarded clothes from the floor and putting them back on.

"You're leaving, Fyodor?" You looked up at the man, now fully clothed and checking his phone. He gave you an unreadable smile and glanced at you longingly.

"Yes, milaya. I have business to attend to." He pet the top of your hair gently before walking past your figure. Hearing you huff in disappointment, he looked back and smirked, "I may come back sometime, though, angel. If you beg me nicely enough..." Your eyes sparkled upon hearing his words, which almost made him go back for another round. He held a hand out to signal his leave and disappeared, walking out the door like a ghost, like he didn't just break in arrive, leaving you with your cold dinner.

♱ ໒꒱ ⋆ﾟ⊹

Exiting your apartment complex, Fyodor grinned arrogantly upon seeing the livestream recording that had successfully downloaded onto his phone. You didn't know, but he'd already hacked into your laptop before visiting and made the stream private—there was no way he'd let anyone watch him corrupt his pretty angel.

Now all he had to do was watch and wait. Wait for his angel to summon the demon she had sinned for again.

#vanilladove #vanilladovebsd #fyodor x reader #fyodor dostoevsky x reader #fyodor x reader smut #bsd smut #bsd fyodor #fyodor dostoevsky x reader smut #fyodor dostoevsky #fyodor dostoevsky bsd #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #fyodor texts like an old man it’s canon idc #why do i always write long smuts smh #im changing my layout i feel like it's prettier now -v-

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vanilladove · 1 year ago

Text

❤︎ ₊ ⊹ get free (2/3)

pic creds luvpngs | gif creds akashi-tetsuki

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: asylum patient!nikolai x asylum attendant!fem!reader

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: smut w/ plot + some dark elements; 18+ only pls!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: smut/nsfw, slight mentions of torture + drugging, manipulation, violence/abuse, unhealthy relationships, infidelity (mutual😋), slightly yandere!delulu!mean! :( nikolai, dubious consent

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ summary: your asylum patient has been taken in for questioning, and you learn a shocking fact. however, after an emergency call, you're left alone with nikolai again. dangerous? yes. but even more, tempting... ˚₊‧꒰ა read pt 1 & pt 3 & bonus (bad ending) ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ word count: 7.1k

His heterochromatic eyes were boring into your soul.

Well, not really. It wasn't like he could see you through the one-way privacy glass of the interrogation room, even though you could still see every expression on your patient's face.

Still clutching his book, you sat next to the security guard on a bench outside the room. You could feel the pit in your stomach get deeper with each minute, anxiously waiting for the boss to arrive.

We were definitely caught. What's going to happen now? To me? To Niko--

"Sorry for the wait. I hope it wasn't too long, dear." You looked up shakily as you heard a familiar sigh from your husband.

You were just about to confess everything then and there until you looked up at his face, which was surprisingly calm and almost...concerned? Your husband reached down to hold your hand, "He didn't hurt you, did he? I can't believe you had to watch over a monster like that. Seriously, who would've known Gogol would put on a whole act. I--" You tuned out his words after that, completely confused. What was he rambling on about? Was Nikolai actually right about the camera blind spot?

Calm down. Just act oblivious.

"Wha-what are you talking about? What's going on?" You questioned, trying not to sound suspicious. Your partner stopped his rant, shooting a quick look at the guard, who raised his eyebrows and got up to leave the leather bench. Your husband took a seat next to you, clasping his hands together and looking down at the floor.

"For five weeks, we've been finding pills randomly in different trash cans throughout the facility. I thought it was an accident at first, but then I remembered that Gogol was admitted five weeks ago, and the pills that were thrown away were the same ones being administered to him."

"So? Was it really necessary to do all this? We've dealt with uncooperative patients before." You glanced back at the glass screen, jumping a bit when you saw Nikolai up against the glass, his hands pressed on the surface and gazing at you intensely. He had an unnerving smile on his face and was waving at you like a child. You shivered lightly, trying not to scream out in shock, causing your husband to look up in your direction.

"Tch. That wasn't all; there was this letter, too." He said, unfolding a piece of paper and handing it to you, roughly turning your head around--away from Nikolai--and hitting the glass with a glare.

You stared at the letter confusedly, looking at the mix of Russian, Ukrainian, and some sort of secret code. "What's this supposed to mean?"

"That's what I'm trying to figure out. Translators couldn't decode it at all. All they made out was that it was addressed to a 'Dos' and mentioned the facility, someone named 'Dove', and 'escaping'". Your eyes widened at that. Nikolai wrote a letter to someone? But when? Who were "Dos" and "Dove"? Wait, was that supposed to be...

Your husband standing up interrupted your thoughts. "Anyways, I'm going to get him to fess up. He's clearly plotting something. Can't trust a global terrorist." He gripped your hand tightly, unlocking the door and dragging you into the interrogation room, several guards trailing in behind you.

Nikolai gazed up excitedly at you once you walked in, only to be held back by several guards and restrained by a strap harness. Upon noticing that, your husband stepped in front of you--a measly attempt at covering you from Nikolai's gaze--and spoke sternly. The jester frowned in response.

"Gogol, do you want to explain why you've been throwing away your prescriptions across the facility?" Nikolai only tilted his head cutely to the side, trying to move to see you.

"My meds? Well, it's quite obvious, actually," he smiled tauntingly, "I don't need them. I'm perfectly sane. Ask your wife if you don't believe me." The boss clenched his fists at that and signaled for the guards to point their guns at Nikolai's head, making him laugh mockingly.

"Fucking freak. You're far from it..." Your husband muttered under his breath, reaching for the letter in his lab coat and unrolling it in front of Nikolai, whose eyes lit up upon seeing it. "We found this in the mailing room. Care to translate it? Who're 'Dos' and 'Dove'? Two of your criminal accomplices? And you mentioned 'escaping'? Hah. You don't really think you could leave one of the world's most secured facilities, do you?"

You cringed at that. You could tell he was trying to intimidate Nikolai, but it clearly wasn't working; the jester only yawned boredly in response.

Sighing, Nikolai answered, "Dos is a dear friend of mine--no, maybe my only one--and Dove..." he paused to stare intensely into your fleeting eyes, "Dove is my lover. I want to escape with her." His eyes crinkled slightly as he smiled at you.

You felt your heart skip a beat at his comment, putting together that "Dove" was you. Making you Kolya's...lover? You blushed at that, not hearing your husband's angry scream or seeing him stomp up to Nikolai and grab his shirt roughly, shaking him and demanding to know the content of the letter.

"Hmmmm....what my letter says? Who knows? I guess I must have wrote it in a frenzy, y'know, because I'm crazy and deranged." Nikolai said, the old dark, unreadable look in his eyes. "Say, can I have lunch first? I'm hungry and can't think straight."

Your husband lost it at that, winding up and punching Nikolai across the face, shocking the guards. Now back to the present, you ran to Nikolai, pulling your spouse back and yelling at him.

"Hey, what the hell are you doing? Losing your cool and punching a patient? Just let it g--"

CRASH!

A sharp pain hit your stomach and lower back as you felt a blow to your front, causing you to collide with a chair behind you. You wheezed from the impact, looking up to see your husband breathing raggedly, his hands coiled into fists, and Nikolai with widened eyes full of concern.

"Dove!" Nikolai yelled out, regretting it instantly when your husband glared at him; the pieces clicking in his head. The security guard from the library rushed to your side, helping you up and guiding you out of the room. You tried to resist, but it was hard with your head throbbing from banging against the chair. All you could hear faintly before being dragged out was your husband threatening Nikolai more for answers.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You sat with an ice pack on the bench outside, head still spinning. Struggling to keep your eyes open, you peaked into the glass window. However, before you could look in, a bright, blinding light flashed, followed by a maniacal laugh from…Nikolai?

Electroshock treatment. Were they trying to get a confession out of him?

You could only cover your ears as the laughter got louder, mixed in with his occasional tortuous screams and angry shouts from your husband. Pressing yourself further into the bench and wall, the strong scent of artificial peony attacked your senses, forcing you to look up and meet Lacey's eyes. What was she doing here? Did she just come out of the interrogation room?

"Miss, I have some news for you," You peaked your head out of your arm enclosure, uncovering your ears and looking at her, "You're off for tomorrow. Gogol's been declared a dangerous threat, so he's going to be handed off to the boss and security. You'll be seeing your normal patients again, so please take the time in between off. I'm sure today was traumatizing for you." Lacey held your hand, stroking it like she was trying to console you. You could see the forced pity in her eyes; she was just one of your husband's loyal subordinates, after all. Knowing it was fake, you stood up and slapped her hand away, wobbling from your balance being thrown off.

"Thanks, Lacey. I'll try to relax a little." You turned away before pausing, feeling lightheaded, “You wouldn’t mind walking me to my office, would you? I need to grab my stuff first.” Lacey nodded, throwing your arm around her shoulder and helping you walk unsteadily towards your office. Even though the noises of torture and occasional bright flashes in the background made your stomach churn, and you really just wanted to run back and save Nikolai, you could barely stand up straight in your current state. You were going to process your thoughts, get an ice pack and some painkillers, and wait it out away from the scene.

You couldn’t leave yet. You had to see Nikolai one more time before you left.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

It had been eight hours since the interrogation room incident. Luckily the painkillers had knocked you out, so you'd just woken up from a peaceful nap on your office couch. Fixing up your hair and appearance, you picked up your phone and squinted from the lighting.

11:47 PM.

Everyone except for security had gone home for the night. You checked your notifications but saw nothing from your husband. No sort of apology, check-in, or questioning to ask you why you weren't home yet. What could you really expect, though? This was the man who'd just hit you at work in front of others. Feeling sick from remembering the day's events, you forced your phone back into your dress pocket and walked out of your office. Moving cautiously to not get caught, you headed towards the white ward.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Scanning your key slowly, you walked into Nikolai's room. There weren't any guards present, likely since they assumed he'd been immobilized from the electroshock treatment--there was no doubt the boss had gone overboard with his torture.

After you quietly shut the door behind you, you made your way to the bed carefully, reaching around in the dark room. Your hand finally found the night lamp on the dresser, reaching around to find the switch. Chills ran down your spine as you felt cold fingers brush against your hand and lead you to it. The dim light turned on and illuminated the figure next to you.

"Dove? You came back for me?"

You almost jumped back after hearing Nikolai's hoarse voice. The warm light enveloped him, the shadows reflecting off the curves of his face and intensifying his gaze. He was sitting up properly, almost like he hadn't been tortured a few hours ago and this was some regular midnight visit. Like he'd been expecting you.

"N-Nikolai...Wha--I--I came to check on you." Nikolai's eyes widened at that, and he blushed with a small smile on his face.

"Ahhhh, that so? Well, I still feel like shit." Nikolai winced in pain as he slowly sank back down into the bed, laying down and turning to the side to face you. The light was fully on him now, and you could see some light bruises on his face from where he'd been punched and roughly handled. The sight made you frown. What a shame his pretty face had been wounded, by your coworkers nonetheless. You knew it wasn't your fault, but you felt like you had to apologize.

You pulled up a stool next to the bed and sat down awkwardly. Nikolai cut you off as you were about to open your mouth, reading your intentions. "Don't say sorry, myla. Besides, this was probably divine punishment for my past actions. Sadists get punished by sadists, I guess? Not that I care much about or regret what I've done". His green eye glowed after he said that, but he quickly perked up after seeing your semi-horrified, semi-concerned face. "It was fun though, really. Nothing I haven't gone through before..." He tried to laugh a bit but quickly cringed again from the soreness.

Instinctively, you reached out but quickly pulled your hand away after remembering why you came in the first place. Reaching into your coat pocket, you pulled out The Overcoat, "I brought your book. So you don't get too bored." You smiled sadly to yourself, "I don't know if we can be seen together much anymore. I though this would help."

Nikolai bitterly laughed at that, the situation sinking in. "You came all this way to give me my book...You're silly, ptashka. I can't even read it." One glance at him confirmed his statement: he could barely keep his eyes open.

"Read it to me," he said huskily, reaching one of his hands out and stroking your cheek, "Stay here and read to me until I fall asleep. Unless you'd rather sleep next to me, hehe~" Nikolai teased, outlining your lips with his thumb. The action caused you to blush.

"N-no--I'll read to you..." you stammered, bringing his hand down to your lap and opening the book. He giggled seeing your flustered reaction and with some of the little strength he had left, he laced his fingers with yours and gazed at you lovingly.

You smiled warmly at him, opening the book and starting, "In the department of -- but it is better not to mention the department. There is nothing more irritable than departs, regiments, courts of justice, and, in a world, every branch of public service. Each individual attached to them nowadays thinks all society insulted in his person..."

You'd gotten twenty pages in before Nikolai finally dozed off; you could tell by the way his grip on your hand slacked up. You closed the book and moved his hand back to the bed slowly, careful not to awaken him. The lamp rays cast a warm glow on Nikolai, softening up his tense features. His fluffy bangs fell across his face, almost making you laugh because of how perfect and prince-like he looked--just like the first time you saw him.

You pulled the covers over him, brushing away his bangs. You remembered the library suddenly and how you owed him a kiss. Now wouldn't be a bad time, would it? Leaning into him, you planted a soft kiss on his forehead, moving down to the bruises on his cheeks and lower jaw. He was still resting peacefully by the time you were close to his lips. You blushed suddenly, feeling nervous. All you could muster was a small, quick peck on his lips before pulling away.

"Goodnight, Kolya." You whispered before getting up from the stool, feeling your heart beat rapidly in your chest.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

It was almost 2:00 AM by the time you got home. The day had truly worn you out, both physically and mentally. You were surprised that you and your husband's shared car was still in the parking lot by the time you left. To be honest, you were too tired to be concerned with who he'd gotten a ride with or if he'd actually meant to leave; you were also secretly grateful to not spot his shoes or coat anywhere, meaning he wasn't home and you had the bedroom to yourself.

Groggily making your way to the bathroom, you took a warm shower to clean yourself off, changed into a satin pajama set, and tucked yourself into bed. Your head was still spinning and the pain in the lower half of your body had resumed, making you need painkillers again. You recalled your husband telling you that he kept some in the nightstand dressers. Opening the lower drawer and reaching in, you were hit with the familiar nauseating smell of peony perfume and felt something...thin and silky?

In a confused daze, you peaked over and found a neon green G-string along with a small envelope with red hearts drawn all over it. You dropped the underwear in disgust and felt a pit in your stomach. Already having a strong hunch of what was going on, you opened the note, cringing when you saw a lipstick mark on it:

Same time, same place next week? Never took you for the type of man who could be adventurous and cheat;) Can't blame you, though. Your wife is booooringggggg. ~L ♡

Tears fell down your face as you threw the note back into the drawer and slammed it shut, eliminating the scent of Lacey's perfume. Even though you couldn't be surprised about your husband cheating, it felt like the final blow to a series of disastrous events.

Fatigue creeping up on you, all you could do was pass out from the mix of emotions.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You had just finished brunch in the morning when you'd received a call from the asylum. Wanting nothing more than to ignore it and try to enjoy your day off, you waited until the last ring to pick up. After all, it could be an---

"Miss? Please, I know it's your day off, but---I don't know what's going on--please, we need you now...this is the worst--" you recognized the security guard's voice on the other line frantically speaking among shuffling and siren noises in the background.

Concerned, you spoke, "Hello? What's going on over there? Explain it me calmly."

The guard on the line sighed deeply, probably as a way to steady himself, "R-Right. It's Gogol," your eyes perked up at that, "He--God--He's out of control. He's been injuring staff left and right." He paused again, "That psycho has taken out half the squad of armed guards and put ten attendants on stretchers in an hour. That blonde girl got it pretty bad...she's knocked out with a black eye and a concussion."

"What? No way" You said in complete disbelief, trying to process everything.

"Yeah. Anyways, we have him temporarily detained until we can get special forces to come in. If you could get here ASAP to calm him down, we'd need that. Of course, we'd pay you extra, and--" The guard was practically yelling at this point, rambling on as you heard the commotion in the back getting louder. Reality hit you again, forcing you to realize the gravity of the situation. Not to mention, what was up with Nikolai? You couldn't believe he'd dwindled down the asylum's forces right after being tortured, or that he'd suddenly gone on a rampage after being relatively well-behaved and compliant. Even though the last place you wanted to be was work, you obliged.

"I'll be in soon, give me fifteen minutes."

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

"Where is he?" You asked, panting since you were out of breath from running alongside the security guard that called you.

"The bath house. Everything was normal until he was in for his scheduled bath and an attendant was helping him. It was the new girl with blonde hair," He looked back at you to make sure you were still behind him, "She tried to help him undress since he was injured, but he reacted badly and started full on beating her up. She already had a black eye and a concussion by the time the guards got to her."

That was definitely Lacey. You weren't sure how to feel about her situation with the new information that's just come to light, but you quickly shook off the smug grin that you could feel forming on your face and kept running behind the guard.

"After that, some other attendants rushed to help her out, but they weren't spared either. When the guards came in to detain him, he went on a total rampage, even stealing a baton and taser off of a guard and clearing the response team."

You were shocked at that. Of course he was a notoriously cruel and sly criminal, but to think he'd made light work of so many people that easily...

"What's the situation now?"

"Well, several ambulances later, we finally got him under control by tranquilizing him and restraining him with handcuffs, so he should be incapacitated for now. What a monster, doing all that like he wasn't electrocuted yesterday." The guard stopped suddenly, making you almost bump into him. He took his access card out and scanned it. "We're here, miss," he started to open the door before facing you, "I'll be in there with you in case anything bad happens, but just try to keep him under control until backup comes in. Apparently, they're experiencing delays, now of all times..."

You nodded and followed the guard in, looking around the bathing room. Rather than the usual communal showers, a special isolated bath house was reserved for high threat patients. The space itself wasn't too extravagant, with white and black tiled floors and a singular bath tub in the middle of the otherwise large, light-filled room. You walked towards the center and spotted Nikolai inside of the tub, his tall figure peaking out from the edge. His hands were cuffed to the faucet, and he appeared disheveled: hair messy, shirt unbuttoned and in boxers, and knuckles discolored, likely from fighting. His previous bruises did look like they'd lightened up a bit, though.

"Nikolai, it's me." You started, sitting down a few feet away from the tub. You heard a faint groan come from him in response, meaning he was still conscious. The guard stood ten feet away from you, trying to gauge the situation in case your ex-patient tried to attack you. You took a deep breath, "I heard about what you did. I can't--I don't understand it or the meaning of this at all. Why can't you just behave for once? Why do you always have to be so unpredictable and difficult?"

Squinting, he looked up at you sadly, nearly making you blurt out an apology. "Dove...can't hear...close--come closer..." Nikolai muttered weakly, resisting slightly against the cuffs to try and reach out to you. You looked at the guard who gave you a reassuring nod and stepped closer to the tub. You took off your lab coat, suddenly feeling conscious of what you were wearing underneath. You didn't have any time to change before rushing in, so you were just wearing a short pair of biker shorts and a matching tank top--the set you were planning to wear to the workout class you were going to attend on your day off. You felt exposed as you hesitantly made your way into the tub, sitting closer to Nikolai. "Bathe me." He teased, his eyes crinkling up a bit when he felt your presence next to him.

You opened your mouth to respond but got cut off by the beeping of the guard's radio followed by frantic noises. His eyes widened and he looked back at you, “Miss, I’m sorry but there’s been a situation,” you shot him a concerned look, “A mass fight has broken out in the cafeteria…Half of the patients are beating each other and staff up, and the other half are throwing their guts up. We think someone might’ve poisoned or drugged the food.” The guard exhaled frustratedly and was anxiously tapping his foot on the ground, “I hate to say it, but I need to go help suppress the whole commotion. Will you be alright?”

You looked down at Nikolai, who still appeared to be weak and under the tranquilizer’s effects. There was also another shot of tranquilizer on the floor next to the tub—in case of an emergency. You nodded affirmatively, and the guard slowly walked out, the pang of the closed door echoing off the walls. The bath house went silent as you two were left all alone.

The next thing you heard was the sound of breaking metal as a strong--too strong for just being tranquilized--pair of arms wrapped around you. You yelped as Nikolai pulled you into his lap, arms encasing your waist--effectively trapping you--and nuzzled into your chest, the handcuffs landing away on the tiled floor. He muttered something about how you smelled like coffee and vanilla.

"Kol!--" You protested, struggling against Nikolai's strong arms to break free. You couldn't though, slightly scaring you and adding to your overall confusion. Where was this sudden strength coming from? Should you even be surprised?

Nikolai only cruelly laughed at your attempts to escape his hold, pressing you harder against his body until you finally went limp and gave in. "What's wrong, dove? Aren't you happy to see me? You're wearing less clothes this time, too~" He cooed playfully, loosening his grip on you enough to get his face out of your breasts; all of his nuzzling had pulled down your tank top to expose your cleavage.

You blushed and put your hands on his shoulders to gain some distance. "That's not--I--" you couldn't speak straight, not sure where to start and how or if you should even explain the events of last night to Nikolai. "My husband--he--"

"Cheated on you? With the blonde bob girl? Yeah, I know. They always do it in the storage closet." The bluntness in Nikolai's voice shocked you. Had everyone literally known about this but you? Did he and Lacey have to be that obvious? Nikolai started playing with the ends of your tank top, "That's why I beat that annoying harlot up. She was faking nice all day and kept touching me all seductively," he ran his hands up and down your waist, using his fingers to slowly pull up your top and drag down your shorts like he was trying to reenact the scenario.

"H-Hey..." You stammered, blushing at his advances. Nikolai only giggled as he brought your hands up to his face and kissed them.

"I hate girls like that, you know? I only have eyes for you, myla." He stared into your eyes for a minute--unbeknownst to you, waiting for a reciprocated response--before letting go of your hands and sighing disappointedly.

"Quiz time!", Nikolai started, lightly slapping your hips and sitting up straight, startling you, "Will Dove entertain me or stay here while I beat up the boss then escape?"

"What?" You looked confusedly at Nikolai, "Entertain you? What are you talking about?" A pit formed in your stomach; you had a bad feeling about this.

A smirk appeared on Nikolai's face, "Well, you are just here to keep me occupied until backup arrives, aren't you?" He waved his hands at you, "I broke free from my handcuffs, so technically I can leave whenever I want. I know you won't stop me."

His taunt made you sneer, but you knew deep down he was right. It wasn't even about strength, you didn't want to stop him either. "I can't let you leave, though. What do you want?"

"You're really bad at quizzes, ptashka. You're supposed to guess, not ask me." Nikolai leaned back into your chest. "Hmmm...bathe me." He suggested, causing your face to heat up.

"But--" You objected, getting cut off by Nikolai looking towards the exit door and starting to get up. "Wait!" You pushed him back down and glared into his mocking eyes, "I'll do it. Just--just stay here...with me." The last part piqued Nikolai's interest as his attention went back to you and his smug look returned.

You shakily reached for the faucet to turn the water on before Nikolai pulled your hand back. "Not yet, dove. We can't bathe with clothes on. Remove them all first." His warned, dark eyes and an unreadable expression back on his face.

You gulped, "R-right..." His white button-up was already open, so sliding it off Nikolai's broad shoulders was easy. You couldn't peel your eyes off of his toned chest. You couldn't believe that loose uniform and his lanky frame were hiding a perfectly chiseled six pack all this time.

Nikolai laughed seeing you admire him, "Like what you see, pryntsesa? Keep going down, it gets better~" He teased, moving your hands down to the waistband of his boxers. Your heartbeat was ringing in your ears as you pulled them down. Vision flashing, you grabbed a soap bar from the ledge of the tub and turned the faucet on, burying your face into Nikolai's neck and closing your eyes, eliciting a subtle whine from him.

"What's wrong, dove? Too embarrassed to look?" Embarrassed was an understatement. You hadn't been intimate in so long, and now you were getting naked with your ex-patient that you'd been in charge of detaining. You were blushing like it was your first time. Nikolai giggled at your reaction; he was annoyed at first that you'd stopped but was pleased by your flustered state. "Cute. Now look up." He brought your face up to his, but you put your hands on his chest to stop him, hesitating to continue.

"Come on, now. Where's the confidence from when you kissed me? Y'know, while I was sleeping." You froze in place from that, allowing Nikolai to move your hands away and bring you close again. You were still stunned, so he continued, "You didn't know I was awake, did you? If I wasn't under all those drugs, I would've--"

"I'll do it, Nikolai. So please, stop talking..." You whispered out, silencing him with a kiss. Nikolai obliged, kissing you back obsessively and pulling you deeper. You flinched a bit when you felt him tugging off your biker shorts, pressing you near his exposed length. He broke away from the kiss, cheeks lightly pink as he feverishly pulled your tank top off and you complied.

Intimate silence between you, you picked up the soap bar and slowly started lathering up his upper body, sensually gliding your hands over his firm abs. He panted lightly from your touch, still taken aback by your sudden forward gesture. You weren't unscathed either, eyes averted to the bubbly translucent water and a rose hue across your face. "Dove," he started needily, "Wash lower". He took a hold of your hand, letting the soap sink, and moved it down under the sudsy bathwater to his hardened member.

You looked away ashamedly as your fingers slid down and rested at the base. He was big. Were you really going to--

"Dove", his voice was slightly threatening as he grabbed your face with one hand, "Look at me and do it properly." He cupped his other hand over yours and starting lightly stroking up and down, making you even more aware of his length.

"I-I'm embarrassed..." You said, trailing off and struggling to look into his hazy eyes as your movements got weaker. Nikolai's smile turned down after that, and his glare burned into you.

"Why, you've never done this with your husband?" He sheepishly grinned as his hands crept down your sides before stopping, "The one who loves you so much and gave you these love marks?" His face went dark again before squeezing the bruises along your waist, hard enough to make you wince in pain. He only smiled happily from your reaction, kneading into your skin more as he continued, "I would never hurt you like that, dove...Not unless you wanted me to." He moved closer to you and whispered in your ear, "You don't want me to hurt you now, do you? That's why you'll listen to me, right?"

Your eyes burned a bit, tears almost forming as you realized how powerless you were in this situation; he could always kill you. "No..." You quickly shook your head as your hand went under the water again to pump his dick. Nikolai heaved upon feeling your fingers wrapped around him again and pulled you in again for a softer kiss, hands now affectionately caressing your body, trying to comfort you for being a bit too cruel.

He groaned into your mouth after you started stroking at a faster pace, bringing your fingers up to play with his tip as you squeezed tighter on the way down. Your kisses became weaker as you could feel his pre-cum making his shaft more slippery. Nikolai broke away from the kiss, breath hitching as you squeezed his sensitive parts tighter. "S-Shit, dove..." He muttered out, momentarily relaxing his head and shutting his eyes, making you could feel his cock get warmer as more of his arousal came out.

He didn't miss the way your nipples hardened from his desperate panting and was quick to trail kisses from your neck down to below your collarbone while undoing your bra. He got harder seeing your perfect, round tits and took one in his mouth, sucking sweetly while palming the other. His quick action drew a sudden moan from you, and you brought a hand up to run your fingers through his layered hair, latching on for support.

"A-Ahhh~" You were still focused on pleasuring Nikolai and kept massaging his dick as he lapped up your breast, digging his nose into your skin, getting drunk off of your vanilla scent. He opened his glossy eyes to see your rosy, lewd expression.

"So pretty, myla," He released your breast with a 'pop' and groaned under your touch, "Mmmm...there...K-keep stroking there, dove. I'll make you feel good, too." His face was flushed now, light pink dusting his cheeks. He didn't expect his pristine dove to be so...forward and lascivious. Certainly not so skilled with your delicate fingers, either. He felt like rewarding you and used his free hand to bring your body down, so your cunt was aligned with his thigh. He grunted feeling your wetness immediately against his skin.

You hissed after feeling the back and forth friction on your slit, insides clenching around nothing. The heat in your core was only getting more intense, making you only want Nikolai and ignoring all morality. You could tell he was feeling it too by the way he started breathing heavily and leaving hickeys on your neck, panting out your name. The kisses trailed down your collarbone to your tits again as Nikolai drew circles around your nipple with his hot tongue.

Needing more, he pushed you down further onto his thigh and suddenly bit your sensitive bud, causing you to jerk up and tug his hair roughly "K-Kolya! Mmmmm...t-too rough!" His name leaving your pretty lips was enough to send him over the edge as he came into your hand and whimpered loudly.

"F-fuck, fuck, fuck..." He hugged you tightly and kissed your skin as he came down from his high, hot breath on your chest. His eyes were shut tightly. You blushed seeing him all vulnerable like this and kissed them softly, gently brushing the hair sticking to his forehead to the side. When he finally opened them again, you were reminded of your own unfinished arousal.

"A-another round, please, Kolya," You begged him with lust-filled eyes, grinding yourself into his thigh more, "Want you to make me--"

Your needy pleas were cut off by Nikolai's amused giggles as he gazed at you mockingly, "Hmmmm...so my dove needs me now, does she?" He tilted his head innocently, his signature twisted smile gracing his face, "I don't know, though, ptashka. I'm a bit tired and injured, so I can't move much."

You hated it--how he was getting off seeing your pathetic expressions. Even if he was telling the truth, it felt like he was degrading you, like he wasn't the one utterly obsessed with and love-sick over you in the first place. You were still just playing his little game, but it didn't matter. All you needed was him now--inside of you.

You exhaled shakily and moved up again, reluctantly holding onto his shoulders and starting to lower yourself, "You're the worst...teasing me like this..."

"Only because you tempt me too much, myla." Nikolai's hands caressed your face and traced over your pouting lips. His eyes remained dark and daunting; he was testing your limits, testing you. You both gasped as you felt him directly on your pussy, brushing past your clit and threatening to slip in between your folds.

Low moans left your mouth as you took him inside of you. His cock was stretching you out, forcing you to close your eyes to avoid looking down. Inch by inch, you went lower--moving at an agonizingly slow pace, whimpering from the uncomfortable feeling of being slowly filled. You stopped after the stretch started to borderline sting. It was too big--He was definitely way too--

His laughs interrupted you again, "Come on, dove. You're only half way down. Try a little harder, won't you?" Only half way? He had to be jokin--

You choked on your moans as Nikolai forcibly grabbed your hips and pulled you down to the base of his cock, submerging your lower half into the milky warm water. He smirked shamelessly upon feeling your perfectly manicured nails dig into his shoulder blades and kissed along your neck to soothe some of the pain.

"A-Ahh...you're tight, love. I'm bigger than your husband, aren't I?" You mumbled something quietly, too focused on trying to adjust. Nikolai kept going, though, "Yeahhhh, I definitely am. I can tell by how--fuck--good you're s-squeezing me~" His facade started disappearing when he felt the sensation of your pussy's contractions mixed with the scratches on his back . He held his breath as you unclasped the gold necklace--now no more than a satirical collar--and let it fall into the bathwater below you.

"S-Stop talking about him. I don't want to think about that cheater anymore. Just focus on me, p-please, Kolya." Your weak yet assertive pleas made his heart melt a bit as you rode him slowly. The unfamiliar stretch each time you rowed your hips back and forth made you bite your lip slightly. Nikolai only threw his head back and placed his hands lightly on your sides--still insistent on not doing any of the work--greedily enjoying the ride and moaning praise out of his mouth. He looked so pretty like this--like he did in the library: flushed face, disheveled hair, and lust-blown eyes.

Both of your moans got louder and you sped up your pace, grinding your pussy down on his cock harder each time and leaving passionate hickeys on his neck and chest. He ran his fingers through your hair and groaned into your ear, the sight of your plush ass and tits bouncing up and down turning him on even more.

"So perfect for me, angel..." Nikolai pulled your neck in and crashed his lips messily onto yours, muffling your moans with his tongue. You were so cute, thighs trembling from trying to take all of him with no help but desperate to chase your own release. He brought his fingers down to your puffy clit and rubbed small circles around it, occasionally pinching and making you buck your hips momentarily. His satisfied groan quickly turned into another whimper as you squeezed harder around him in response to his teasing. Your movements and kisses got sloppier as the two of you got closer to finishing, the knot in your stomach threatening to snap once you felt every vein on his cock throb inside of you.

Your thoughts were becoming clouded as you chased your own pleasure--something you hadn't prioritized in years. You didn't care anymore about your husband, who was just a good-for-nothing adulterer and abuser, your coworkers who'd stayed silent about his cheating, or your parents who only cared about what they could get out of you. All of them kept you in a cage, their cage that separated you from love, truth, and happiness. But Nikolai was different: he lived his life freely and wanted the same for you; he cared for you like no other--actually desiring you and staying loyal, making you laugh, and knowing how to touch you. Even if he hurt you, the pain always went away shortly. After all, even though he'd caused the commotion at the asylum, he'd protected you by keeping you in the bath house with him. He was doing all of this because he cared about you, right?

Nikolai pulled away from the kiss, leaving a string of saliva between you. He was panting hard and out of breath but gazed adoringly into your eyes again. The circles on your clit got faster, drawing broken moans from you as you started to become numb to all the previous pain. Now that you'd adjusted fully and angled yourself better, you could feel Nikolai in the depths of your pussy hitting your sensitive spot. "Mmmmm--Kolya...you feel...'s good--Ahhh~"

"Y-yeah, pryntsesa? You're close, right?" You nodded vaguely, drunk off of the hedonism you'd been denied for so long. "I love you, dove. So much." Your hazy eyes widened after hearing that, tears of ecstasy prickling your vision. "Come for me, please, pretty girl. Let's do it together."

You came undone from that, your orgasm washing over you and putting you in a state of pure bliss. Nikolai groaned as he felt your warm pussy clench around him, following you and releasing his cum inside. You shuddered from the warmth that contrasted the now cold water you were half-submersed in. Feeling tired and cold, you hugged Nikolai's firm body.

"Love you too, Kolya. I wanna be free with you, forever. Let's run away." You looked up into his eyes, almost shocked to see the dark, unreadable expression and a wicked smile on his face.

"Yeah? That's good to hear~" He captured your lips again, a bit more harshly this time, and kissed you hungrily. You gasped into the kiss as you felt him grab and squeeze your ass and thrust up into your overstimulated sore cunt, going at an unrelenting pace you couldn't handle.

You tried to push him away, but you were too weak and fucked-out, only crying out as you felt him balls-deep inside of you. "Sorry, dove, I want to finish one more time. Will you help me?" He was laughing in between as you moaned incoherently, too spent to keep your eyes open or respond properly.

"I love you...I love you, Kolya..." You could only repeat that as you started to feel the sensation building in your core again, feeling Nikolai's rough thrusts more intensely. You felt some shifting and were about to open your eyes when you felt a sharp prick at the left side of your waist.

"Ah--Ow!" Your eyes flew open from the pain, and you gasped in shock as you saw Nikolai's hand closed around your side, holding the rest of your body still as he injected the spare shot of tranquilizer into you.

Nikolai only looked down regrettably at you as he stroked your hair and kissed your face gently. Your head was spinning and your vision slowly faded to black as the effects kicked in, unable to even process what was going on. The last thing you heard was Nikolai's distorted voice.

"Don't worry, dove, we'll be in a better place soon. Somewhere we'll be free..." You made out a warped giggle, "Dos and Sigma are going to be so jealous of me."

₊‧꒰ა read part 3 here ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

#vanilladove #vanilladovebsd #bungo stray dogs #nikolai x reader #nikolai gogol x reader #nikolai smut #bsd smut #bungou stray dogs #bsd #nikolai gogol x reader smut #nikolai gogol #nikolai gogol smut #nikolai x reader smut #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #chat is the smut good #nikolai having a sleeper build is canon bc i said so #he is so pookie bear omg

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vanilladove · 7 months ago

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Hello, I am writing to you anonymously out of shame but you can call me Emy I was reading your blog and I was totally delighted with how you wrote and I wanted to make a request: could you write for Chuuya, Jouno, Dazai and Poe (you can add more if you like) with a reader like Mikan from danganronpa If you don't know her, her personality is a little (very) shy and she is surprised by the slightest show of affection (she is even surprised if you say good morning), often despising herself, asking others to forgive her existence and when people Annoyed with her, she tends to ask if she can take off her clothes or imitate a pig so that they can forgive her for all this because she suffered harassment in the past. I'm sorry if the request is very big 😭 but I would be grateful if you accept it (nothing happens if you don't either) I'm sorry if there are spelling errors but English is not my first language and I am using Google Translator. ♡

⋆˚࿔ ˚⋆ bsd men with a v shy + fragile reader

bow divider yeribbon

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: various bsd men x gn!reader (dazai, atsushi, chuuya, akutagawa, jouno, poe)

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: comforting fluff!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: none! also i'm not v familiar with daganronpa, so apologies for any inaccuracies! i'm just going off what wiki fandom says (。-∀-)

⊹ ࣪ ˖ dazai osamu

doesn't mind your personality, although at first he teases you mercilessly until he realizes it isn't just an act.

as someone that has also gone through trauma, he would gradually soften up to your personality and reassure you of your worth.

dazai is a very impatient man though, so expect his method of choice to be exposure therapy...like extreme exposure therapy...like bro might slap some sense into you like atsushi & akutagawa ( ó × ò)

when you start over-apologizing, he'll put a finger to your lips and stroke your face and hair to calm you down (ღˇᴗˇ)｡o

expect lots of subtle displays of affection like hand kisses, kissing away tears, and general affectionate flirting.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ atsushi nakajima

your demeanor confuses atsushi at first, to the point where he cries after the first time he meets you :,(

you're going to get a sentimental, heartfelt speech about how you deserve to live, and how you aren't a burden to anyone.

poor atsu cries over you--you guys probably have daily cry + cuddle sessions.

will do random things to cheer you up and give you many words of affirmation.

buys you a tiger plushie sprayed with his cologne to cuddle with when he isn't with you for comfort ♡

i'd like to think that through helping you, atsushi also helps address his own self-esteem issues ^w^

⊹ ࣪ ˖ akutagawa ryunosuke

hates you at first and sees you as a cowardly weakling.

it isn't until one day he randomly compliments or helps you and catches your shy/flustered expression that he begins to feel some sympathy.

will gradually visit you more until you stop flinching whenever he approaches you. he can tell you're intimidated by him because of his personality and notorious reputation.

it's definitely hard for akutagawa to be soft with you, since he's a rough person, but he tries his best to be gentle with you.

shows his care through actions more than words (sharing food with you, doing constant check-ins, guiding your back when walking with you, etc.)

promises threatens to kill those who have harmed and harassed you in the past.

becomes overprotective over you, getting mad when anyone--even jokingly--teases you.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ chuuya nakahara

tough love~!!!

expect a lot of "huh, what the hell are you talking about?" anytime you apologize for something small or suggest some self-sabotage

since you aren't used to affection and often try to reject gifts, thinking you aren't worth giving them to, chuuya will 'lovebomb' you with gifts until you get used to them as the norm and accept them willingly.

although he may seem short-tempered and easily irritated, he'll always make time to sit down with you and listen to your rants/past stories and engage in deep conversations.

holds your hands and reminds you of how strong and talented you are--will keep drilling it into your head until it sticks.

carries tissues in his suit for when you cry.

⊹ ࣪ ˖ edgar allen poe

this man may be your twin...honestly he's a bit of a mess himself, so he doesn't know how to help you.

i think poe would be relieved to find someone similar to him--also very shy and awkward/bad at socializing.

if you started apologizing when there was a pause in conversation, he would probably apologize back, and you two would go back and forth until karl bites him (꒪▿꒪)

since you both mainly only find confidence in your talents/skills, he would get to know your strengths as much as possible and encourage you to do your best!

will also share his book plots with you, taking you with him into the books and getting your feedback, never missing the chance to show you something beautiful he secretly wrote just for you

overall, poe would make you feel less alone and isolated, helping you gain confidence overtime!

⊹ ࣪ ˖ jouno saigiku

since you're already so fragile and frantic, jouno wouldn't find any pleasure in torturing or messing with you

ends up helping you under the pretense of "calming down your raging heartbeat and nerves that are too loud"; in reality, he notices how you're always on edge and just wants you to experience some peace and quiet.

jouno's sensitive to others' emotions, so i think if you were having a panic attack or extreme anxiety, he'd immediately hug + hold you until you calmed down again (ㅅ´ ˘ `)

like the rest, he'd offer you words of affirmation and hold your hand in public/around other people.

will stick around you to ward off anyone who tries to bully you or exploit your personality; blushes uncontrollably if you thank him for his simple acts ♡

#vanilladove #vanilladovebsd #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd headcanons #bsd fluff #bsd x reader #dazai x reader #atsushi x reader #chuuya x reader #akutagawa x reader #jouno saigiku x reader #jouno x reader #poe x reader #poe bsd #edgar allan poe

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vanilladove · 6 months ago

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hiii hello vani<3 may i request smt angsty with dazai and reader in which he’s acting neglectful/unfaithful as a partner and you just deal with it? but you don’t hate him or anything you’re just really sad about it hehe tysm ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡

☾⋆.ೃ࿔* ghostin

gif creds fybugoustraydogs | divider creds benkeibear

₊ ⊹☁ pairing: dazai x gn!reader

₊ ⊹☁ genre: angst :,)

₊ ⊹☁ content warnings: distant/neglectful relationships; canon mentions of double suicide bc dazai lol...i couldn't bring myself to write a cheating dazai i'm sorry T~T inspired by ghostin + better off by ariana grande!

₊ ⊹☁ word count: 1.9k

You shivered under the cold sheets when your alarm had woken you up. The space next to you was empty, your lover nowhere to be found.

It had been like this for months now, but it was nothing new due to the nature of his job. Dazai always became distant right before handling a new enemy for the Armed Detective Agency. He only disclosed vague details to you, explaining that withdrawing himself was a way to protect you since he didn’t want enemies knowing about you. Before leaving, he’d muttered something about keeping you away from “the demon”.

But you had to admit, the feeling of being 'safe' from a far away, unknown enemy didn't compare to being wrapped in your lover's arms, the soft kisses on your forehead, gently running your hands through his brown fluffy hair, and whispering sweet nothings to eachother. You missed his corny jokes and the nights you two would have together after drinking too much sake, giggling on the floor and watching the stars on your open balcony—Dazai always pointing out the constellations and telling you the stories and lore behind each one.

He had been staying at a secret location far from your shared apartment, so the sheets didn’t smell like his musky, warm cologne anymore. The space felt ghostly now, and hanging out with your friends barely helped. Stirring a sugar cube and cream into your morning coffee, the things they said repeated in your head.

“Just break up with him..."

"You don’t deserve someone who ignores you—especially if he puts work above you…”

"He's definitely cheating on you with all the travel he's always away on..."

Your friends didn’t understand though. They didn’t understand the depth of your relationship or how Dazai loved you. He was a reserved man; he didn't let anyone into his heart, always putting on a flamboyant front to mask his true self. Even becoming his partner and finally moving in with him was a feat in itself and was something he'd hesitantly accepted. You knew he had a traumatic upbringing and that the ones he cared for eventually left his life, often in a tragic way; the last thing his broken heart could take was losing you.

Which was why you put up with the cold sheets in the morning, the single serving meals, and all the sad movie nights alone—because deep down, you knew he cared about you. Your lonely conscious couldn't handle any other explanation.

You tiredly shaped the triangular onigiri filled with snow crab and placed it in the wooden bento box, along with some tamagoyaki and salad, savoring the momentary heat in your hands. It was Dazai's favorite lunch—something you used to pack for him everyday. You forcibly dragged yourself out of bed to make it for him after receiving a text—from an unknown number, of course—that he was stopping by the apartment to grab something. You knew it was futile waking up early; it wouldn't stop him from leaving with no explanation, from not being targeted by the port mafia, the hunting dogs, or "the demon". How silly and lovesick you were.

Closing the lid, you put the dishes in the sink and placed a piece of bread into the toaster, staring intently as you waited for it to finish, which seemed like forever. You took a sip from your mug, cringing when the lukewarm liquid touched your tongue. Shit, your coffee had gone cold. That never happened when he was still there.

The lock clicking snapped you out of your somber thoughts, and you turned your head around to face the self-inviting visitor. Gaze softening, you admired the tall man in front of you, wrapped in a tan trench coat, which you instinctively slipped off from behind him, his tense shoulders relaxing under your fingertips as you draped the coat on a nearby chair. Wordlessly, you both exchanged melancholic glances before Dazai made the first move, stepping forward to close the space between you two. His slender fingers slowly came up to caress your face, the foreign touch making your cheeks heat up. Leaning forward, he closed his eyes and placed a soft kiss on your cold lips, "Hi, bella."

Forcing yourself to open your lids again and not overindulge in the much needed contact, you smiled at your lover, but it didn't quite connect back to your eyes, "Welcome hom—errr—back...You needed something from here, right?" You replied, choosing your words carefully so he couldn't hear your evident desperation.

Dazai blinked carefully, "Yeah, a flash drive. It's in one of the kitchen cabinets. Is it fine if I look around for a bit?" You nodded, looking down at the tiled floor and smiling at nothing. Dazai was always like that, hiding important things in the most impractical places as a precaution. As he fished through the cabinet, he turned his head briefly to look down at the abandoned mug sitting on the counter, "Is that for me?"

You wiped the nostalgic grin off your face, reaching for your coffee, which you'd made in Dazai's usual mug, "A-Ah, no. It's mine, sorry," Dazai raised an eyebrow at you, "I made it earlier this morning, but it's cold now. I'll make you some more." You offered, trying to brush off his suspicions and the strange looks he was giving you.

He sighed, stroking your hair lightly, "It's fine, darling, brew yourself a new cup, and I'll drink this one." He gave you one last reassuring pat before picking up the mug and slipping away into your shared room to look for something else, giving you no time to protest. What seemed like a sweet gesture really had a double meaning: I'm not staying long enough for a new batch of coffee, so I'll just take the cold cup.

A pit formed in your stomach as you dumped out the used coffee filter and reached for a new one. Your vision started to blur, stopping you before you could open the lid of the coffee grounds. Wet drops falling on the back of your hands made you realize you were crying. Instinctively, you brought your hands up to cover your mouth and block any sobs from Dazai, who was still next door in your bedroom.

Stop it.

You tried to coerce yourself, but you couldn't help it. The despair was too agonizing; to have the one you needed most close to you but not being able to tell them to stay, to hold you, especially since you knew how precious you were to him—if you asked, he'd drop everything to stay the night with you. Everyone at the ADA was aware of that, which was why they'd sat you down and conveyed that you couldn't dote too much on Dazai. You understood that and had stayed by his side anyways, knowing that being with him sometimes was better than never. Even if it broke your heart in the process. Even if it meant crying silently in the kitchen while your lover was in the next room, oblivious to the tears wetting your sleeves.

Deep down, you wished he would notice the pain you were in. You wished he would text and call you more or at least take you out to dinner and do special things when he'd finally come back, but he always resumed your daily routines almost like he'd never left. It made your heart ache, feeling like he disregarded his long leaves and their effects on you. You sniffled quietly and quickly wiped your tears away upon hearing rustling from the bedroom doorway signaling that Dazai was almost done grabbing what he needed.

Inhaling deeply, you breathed in and out slowly to calm your frantic heart and turned to the side to face the counter as your partner walked back into the kitchen.

"Found what you were looking for?" You asked, trying to cover your face with your hair and sneakily wipe away any residual tears.

Dazai swiftly passed by you, going towards the chair to slip his trench coat back on and grab the lunch you'd made him. "Yeah, I found it. Thanks for the bento and coffee by the wa—" Your eyes widened as he trailed off mid-sentence, all of a sudden feeling his presence next to you. He bent down to peer over at your face, evidently still swollen and a bit red from crying.

He rotated your body towards him and pushed the stay hairs from your face, intently observing your features. "Bella, have you been crying?" He stroked your cheeks delicately, "And your eyebags are so dark...have you been getting enough sleep?" He looked genuinely worried, peering into your eyes for any sort of insights, but it was too hard to maintain eye contact with him.

"I'm fine...I—" You muttered, words trapped in your throat.

Tell him you miss him. That you don't want him to leave you again.

No, don't! Let him walk out as usual. Your sadness isn't worth letting a countless number of innocent people get harmed or killed.

Thoughts conflicting and wearing your tired soul out, you only mustered a weak smile, placing your cold hands on top of Dazai's. "If I died now, would you still die with me?"

"What?"

"You promised we'd commit a double suicide together. Would you still—" Dazai's arms wrapped around you, pulling you into him, his warmth and comforting scent making tears fall again, not knowing the next time he would be back. You cursed yourself internally for breaking down in front of him, but you couldn't hold your emotions in any longer. He only held you silently, running his hands through your hair as you sobbed into his chest. You felt lightheaded, crying for several minutes, the only condoling things being the scent of Dazai's cologne and the way he held you to remind you he was still with you.

You looked up from his chest, gazing into his chocolate brown eyes, which were swirling with uncertainty. A pained expression was on his face, no doubt from your actions. "I'm sorry, my love. I'm so sorry..." He lifted your face up to kiss your lips gently and kiss away your salty tears before pulling you back into his chest. "I was selfish to think you wouldn't be hurt by me always being away. I tried to turn a blind eye to focus on work, but..." He exhaled shakily, "...somehow I always hurt the people closest to me...even the one I love the most."

Dazai squeezed you tighter in his arms, "I love you, and I know we'll get past this, darling. I don't expect you to forgive me, but please, please don't think of resorting to that." He cradled your face, forcing you to look up at his broken eyes.

This was the power you had over him. Prison, criminals, and even the mafia couldn't break him anymore, but your tears could melt his gaudy, confident facade instantaneously and bring him to his knees. Exactly what everyone warned you about.

You nodded slowly, the last of your cry session being wiped away by Dazai's thumbs. You hugged him back, listening as his rampant heartbeat went back to normal, staring off to the side.

"Listen, bella, I'm going to be gone for a few months. I suspect I'm going to be arrested and sent to a high-security prison...probably somewhere overseas. We won't—we won't be together for a while." You heaved, holding your breath, "But," He turned your head to face him, "I'm going to stay here for a couple of days until then. Is that okay?"

Before you could think, you crashed your lips on his, and Dazai only happily kissed back, smiling, grateful to have cheered up his love again.

"Y-Yeah, that's fine. I love you, Osamu." You sniffled back. He could stay forever if he wanted to, but you'd take a few days.

"I love you, too, bella. I always will, even when I'm not with you. Enough for the both of us."

#vanilladove #vanilladovebsd #dazai x reader #dazai osamu x reader #dazai x reader angst #dazai osamu bsd #dazai osamu #bsd dazai #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #bsd angst #bsd x reader #bsd x reader angst #yes i added a nana reference and what about it #i added comfort + good ending bc i'm a sad bitch at heart

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vanilladove · 11 months ago

Text

❤︎ ₊ ⊹ get free (3/3)

pic creds luvpngs | gif creds akashi-tetsuki

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: asylum patient!nikolai x asylum attendant!fem!reader

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: smut w/ plot + dark content; 18+ only pls!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: smut/nsfw, kidnapping, mentions of abuse + death, manipulation, violence, unhealthy relationships, infidelity (revenge hehe), slightly yandere!nikolai, dubious consent, husband yapping🤓

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ summary: you've been kidnapped by your patient and taken to meet "dos" and another member of the doa. you notice someone familiar and are forced to make a quick decision. will you free yourself or stay in another man's cage? ˚₊‧꒰ა read pt 1 & pt 2 & bonus (bad ending) ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ word count: 5.6k

Your head was pounding and your eyelids felt heavy, along with the intense soreness coursing through your body, especially on the left side of your waist. Trying to open your eyes through the blinding light, you could barely make out two figures in front of you--they looked like they were talking, so you tried to listen to the warped voices as much as you could with the remaining consciousness you could muster.

"Nikolai, I've meaning to ask you..." A deep, disinterested voice inquired. "What are you planning to do with that?"

"That? Don't be rude, Dos! This is Dove, I wrote to you about her in our letters, remember?" You could make out Nikolai's whines.

"Yes, but what use does she have for the Decay of Angels? If she's just another plaything, then she doesn't belong at the base. Besides, that woman is just another liability."

Nikolai sighed annoyedly, "She's my lover. I intend to keep her with me. I'm sure we can find a way for her to contribute later," he smirked, "I guess you wouldn't understand though...When's the last time you felt the touch of a woman, anyways?

You heard Dos scoff loudly at Nikolai's remark, "Fine, do what you like with her. Also, Sigma and I have finished getting information out of the target, so he's ready for disposal in the basement. He was a real pain to deal with."

Nikolai giggled at that, joking more with Dos. The exhaustion was taking over you again, though, so you couldn't keep yourself awake to glean anymore information from their conversation.

You heard the two men's voices fade out into the background as sleep overtook you once again.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

When you finally woke up, it was dim. You winced as you got up and took in your surroundings: the silk sheets you were under, a large bed, a spacious gothic-style room, cream curtains covering tall windows, and cuddled next to you...Nikolai?

You flinched lightly when you looked down to see his eyes staring directly into yours. He got up slowly and pulled you into his strong arms, moving the stray hairs--which had been mysteriously braided--out of your face and kissing your forehead lovingly. "How are you feeling, myla? Did some of the pain go away?"

You blushed as you felt his warm chest against you. He was shirtless, and all of the passionate hickeys you'd given him were exposed. Nikolai smirked cheekily when you stared at them for too long and watched your blush deepen when you realized you were wearing his white button up with nothing underneath. You looked so cute in the oversized shirt, so his.

Confusion coming back to you, you pulled away a bit, "Wait, Nikolai, where are we?" You frowned, last remembering being in the bath house, "The asylum...what happened?"

A sigh left his lips as he placed your head on his shoulder, "Well, after we had sex in the tub--by the way, you're pretty good at riding--" heat rose in your cheeks from his dirty comment, "back up was on their way and I didn't have enough time to explain things, so I needed to subdue you quickly for us to escape. That was why I had to use the tranquilizer on you. Sorry, you must've been shocked..." Nikolai stroked your hair softly, but you pulled back in bewilderment, staring into his softened eyes.

"Wait, why couldn't you just tell me that before? And how did you escape so fast? Where is this pl--" Nikolai cut you off suddenly, dramatically pressing a finger to your lips, "This is the Decay of Angel's temporary base...we're pretty far from the asylum and ran away like you wanted. I couldn't tell you anything because we needed to know if we could trust you." You tried to object at that, but your ex-patient only pushed his finger further to silence you. "And how we got here? Hmmm..." he paused to giggle manically, "Well, dove, that's a secret I can't tell yet...I'm a jester after all. I have tricks up my sleeve that I can't reveal to the audience--even to pretty girls like you~" You groaned as he replaced his finger with his lips and peppered kisses all over your flustered face.

He clearly wasn't telling you everything, but you didn't have any choice but to believe him. After all, you were still in one piece and out of the asylum, and he'd at least taken you to a nice place with silk sheets and roses. Nikolai wouldn't lie to you or harm you without a good reason, would he?

You pouted, "Fine, I believe you..." Nikolai grinned proudly and rolled off the bed. He stretched and threw you your black biker shorts and underwear that he'd pulled seemingly out of nowhere along with a loose white shirt that matched his uniform linen pants.

"Come on, pryntsesa, there's someone I want you to see."

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You shakily stepped forward as Nikolai led you deeper into what seemed to be a basement. The walls were covered in pale bricks and dimly lit lanterns--keeping up with the medieval theme of the overall base. In the barely illuminated darkness, you could make out what looked like a jail cell. You kept trying to peer at Nikolai to ask him where exactly you were going and who he was taking you to see, but he only stared ahead with the same proud smirk on his face.

Maybe he was taking you to meet Sigma? Or the other members of the Decay of Angels? You shivered thinking about the fact you really were in their base; Nikolai's files had included that he used to work with a terrorist organization and the various atrocities they'd committed. Now that you were with them, you wondered if that made you a hostage or co-conspirator. You briefly recalled Dos mentioning "the target" in the basement. Was that who you were going to see?

You were snapped out of your thoughts when you bumped into Nikolai's back, his soft braid tickling your nose. You muttered out a quiet apology as he flipped on a switch to brightly light up the jail cell you stood outside of. He turned slightly to face you and smiled gently at you as he brought you in front of him, putting his hands on your shoulders and making you blush. Some sudden cries grabbed your attention to what was in front of you, causing you to instinctively recoil at the familiar face staring back at you.

The boss of the asylum--your husband.

"Dear, is that you?" His raspy voice called out. Getting a full look at him, he looked worse than ever--sweaty disheveled hair clinging to his forehead; uniform tattered and stained with dirt, sweat, and what appeared to be ash; and a desperate, blown out expression on his face. You couldn't believe your eyes--Why was he here?

"T-that man kidnapped you, didn't he?" He got up from the floor and stepped closer in response to your silence, "L-look, I don't know w-what those terrorists told you, but that f-freak--" your husband shrieked, pointing at Nikolai but quickly bringing his finger down in fear, "--burned down the entire asylum and dragged us here. The new girls, the guards, they all got burned or severely injured." Your eyes widened as he started crying and wailing miserably, "A-and Lacey...sh-she's dead...what a brutal way to die...Oh God...Lacey--" The boss clutched his face as tears streamed down his face, mixing with the ash and further sullying his appearance.

Disgust and shock hit you, partly from the mess in front of you that was still reminiscing about the home wrecker he'd cheated on you with and partly because of the events you'd just learned--assuming your husband wasn't lying, Nikolai committing arson and presumably killing Lacey were details that he kept from you. You turned to face the jester, but he only kept his smile from earlier--eyes now devoid of warmth and stoically cold, gazing back into your dilated pupils before turning your head around back to the cell. You shuddered lightly: that was him confirming it was true.

Your husband's eyes twitched at your lack of reaction. He abruptly lunged towards the jail cell, clinging onto the cell bars and struggling against them to try to reach out to you. You screamed as his arm extended in your direction, and Nikolai stepped back to wrap his arms protectively around you, pulling you into his chest.

Your husband was banging against the bars, "Please! L-listen to me, darling!" You cringed at the fake nickname. "Forgive me for what I did in the past and save me--I'm sure h-help's coming. After this, I-I'll...buy you a new car and w-we can go on a nice vacation, start a f-family--start over, y'know?" He gave you a distraught smile, and you cringed at his pathetic display of promises. There was absolutely no way you could willingly go back to a man who'd abused and betrayed you.

Snot was now falling down his nose as he tried to fix his hair and steady his voice; he was practically yelling at you now. "Look, I'm sorry for cheating on you. Lacey was just too tempting...but I regret it, a-and now I know that I really love you." You weren't convinced, he was clearly just trying to save face. "S-shit!" He clanged against the bars again, knuckles turning white from how hard he was gripping them, "I'm trying to apologize to you, dear. I love you--I'm wearing my ring for fuck's sake! C-can't you see that that freak's manipulating you?" He tried to make eye contact again with the white-haired man in front of him, but only cowered back in fright after meeting his intimidating gaze.

You could sense Nikolai glaring back as he tightened his grip around you. It made you frown seeing your husband trying to act like he knew everything about your relationship...Nikolai wasn't manipulating you; he loved you in the way your unfaithful husband never could.

"What are you talking about?" You asked sadly, completely shattering whatever pitiful resolve your husband had left. He gasped horribly and fell to his knees, realizing that you were too far gone, too in love with Gogol.

He stopped when he looked up and noticed your bare neck. "Your ring...why isn't your necklace on?" You traced around the empty space, feeling how light it was now that it was gone. Nikolai smirked in response.

"I--"

"She doesn't need it anymore." Nikolai replied darkly, cutting you off. He laughed a bit, the expression not quite reaching his eyes. He turned to you, startling you a bit. "Actually, you threw it away yourself, didn't you, dove? 'Cause you don't love him anymore." You nodded affirmatively, exasperating your husband even more as he resumed his sobs. Nikolai only curled his lip up coyly at his reaction and brought one of hands down to stroke your inner thigh provocatively as another brought your chin up to kiss you passionately. Heat flowed throughout your body as you blushed deeply. You couldn't tell how much time passed as you felt dizzy after he slipped his tongue in. The anguished cries in the background were drowned out as Nikolai pulled away slowly, making you flustered from the string of saliva left behind.

He licked his lips satisfyingly and gave you a peck before whispering in your ear, "Go on, ptashka, tell him how you feel."

Flush still on your cheeks, you looked directly at your old partner, who was now shaking in agony, "He's right--he's not manipulating me, either. I'm not yours anymore, and I don't want our old life back. I--" Nikolai was still stroking your thigh and was dangerously close to your panties. "I--mmh--I'm in love with Kolya now, and I want to be with him." You missed the pink on Nikolai's face as you saw your husband practically collapse, banging on the ground as he bawled awfully.

"Y-you fucking slut! How could you betray me like this? A-nd your p-parents--w-what would they think about this?" You backed away from the cell, bothered by his yelling. You wished he would shut up already.

Your husband's rambling was stopped suddenly as the sound of a gun cocking reverberated off the brick walls. It was from Nikolai. He placed it in your hands while gazing into your eyes sincerely. "Dove, you've been trapped in this man's cage--stuck on a ride you want to get off, but you keep riding. I want you to decide...If you want to keep playing his game or live your own life."

Your eyes widened at that. This was your chance to change your life and free yourself from the burden of your old life. There was no more chasing rainbows and hoping for an end to them, no more waiting for an inconsiderate man to love you. There was no sure promise of a better life if you saved him and went back to him...

Shit, what the hell were you thinking about? Could you really kill someone by yourself so easily?

Brain an absolute conflicting mess, you felt like you had a war in your mind. You couldn't think clearly as your thoughts jumbled together, and the intensity of the cold metal was making you unsteady. Nikolai noticed and wrapped his warm hand around your shaky one, bringing it up to aim at your husband's head.

"Do you want him gone, myla?" He whispered into your ear, placing your finger over the trigger. "All you have to do is shoot, and it'll all be over." His soft whispers drowned out the sound of your husband begging for his life and backing away desperately in the background. Nikolai gave you the same warm smile as before and his usually dull right green eye was sparkling with emotion. In a strange way, it was comforting, reminding you that you weren't alone.

You didn't remember much after that, just feeling the gun go off and Nikolai's hand over yours, followed by a deafening silence. You winced as you felt something wet against the side of your skin and blood splattered across Nikolai's white clothes. You didn't dare look at your own shirt. Your heartbeat was so loud in your ears, and you swore you were about to explode. Nikolai was grinning and laughing maniacally, while you could barely register your own emotions. You slowly turned your head to peer into the cell, but Nikolai put his hand out to block your sight. It was probably for the better, anyways. The stillness already confirmed your husband was dead.

Instead, Nikolai put his hands around your face and crashed his lips onto yours possessively. You closed your eyes as he muttered sweet nothings in between kisses and wrapped your arms around his torso, collapsing as your body slowly gave out and the gun dropped to the floor.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Nikolai kissed your forehead gently again as he wrapped a warm towel around your shivering body. After leaving the murder scene, you'd taken a shower together. You guessed it was like 'washing away your crimes' and getting clean again. It was strange, despite how lovesick he was over you, he didn't touch you sexually at all while washing your body. You thanked him and mustered up a small smile as you turned away from towards the mirror.

"Are you still shaken up, myla?" From your--no, our--first kill?" You stared into your reflection and looked down, basically giving him your answer. "It's okay, it's human to feel guilt and remorse after a death...even a horrible monster like me still feels that way, too!" He beamed at you, giggling contagiously.

You pouted back at him, feeling a slight burden lifted off of you, "Don't call yourself that--you're my lover now..." You mumbled, blushing slightly. You could love each other openly now.

He smirked and hugged your waist, the fabric of his clean white button-up--unbuttoned and exposing his toned six pack--and black slacks pressing against your skin. He'd gotten ready while you were spacing out in front of the fogged-up mirror, but you couldn't help stopping to admire how handsome he was.

"Ahhhh, I almost forgot...I never told you why I fell in love with you in the first place, did I, dove? You looked up at him curiously and he kissed the tip of your nose, "It's because you reminded me of my past self. Unknowingly in a cage, slightly different from the rest--I still remember the pretty little smile you flashed me the day we met and how sweetly you treated me...kinda unprofessional by the way...flirting with a crazy man..." Nikolai slowly trailed his kisses over your jaw and down your neck, making you start to feel warm inside, "I wanted to free you from the control of the outside world...I could tell you already had the willingness to change and just needed a small push." You yelped as Nikolai bit down softly to mark your collarbone and dropped the towel from your body.

You instinctively tried to cover up your body, but Nikolai stopped your arms, placing them on the rim of the sink instead. His hands left your waist to fondle your tit, drawing circles around the hardened bud while his other hand crept down your stomach to slip over your slit. A familiar rose dusted your cheeks as he kissed your neck softly and a moan slipped out from you, "A-ahhh, K-Kolya..." He nudged your jaw up towards the mirror.

The fog had evaporated away, so you could now see your reflection. To see yourself in such a lewd, shameless state, completely naked while Nikolai was basically fully dressed was...you couldn't describe it. He tenderly kissed your skin again before grinning at the mirror and taking his hand off your chest to lift up your face.

"Look how cute you are, dove. You really love my touch, huh~?" He pulled his slick-covered fingers out from your thighs and licked them clean. Watching him do it through the mirror was an enticing sight: it made you want more. Nikolai wasn't oblivious to your slight panting and trembling either. "Watch clearly as I make love to you, pryntsesa." His fingers dipped back into your cunt, parting your folds as his middle finger slipped inside of you while his thumb played with your clit. His other hand resumed massaging your breasts as he licked down his trail of kisses. You couldn't help but mewl at his actions, getting wetter watching the sight in front of you.

It was strange, he was typically rough and forward, but he was unusually soft with you this time. You didn't have time to think about why as he inserted another finger and went at a slightly faster pace, making you start to rock your hips against his hand. You moaned as the sensation coursed through your lower half, fingers gripping the rim of the sink and ass arching into his back, making you blush when you brushed against his clothed bulge.

"Mmmm~Kolya...your fingers...they're--ahh--s'good--"

"Y-yeah? You like 'em, pretty girl?" He heaved into your ear. He wanted to be gentle with you today, but the sight of you in the mirror and the way you were moaning his name so angelically was making him more hot and bothered than he wanted to admit. "C-cum whenever you want, 'kay?" Nikolai pumped his fingers more intensely into you, needy to make you finish as you struggled against his hold, the pressure making you lose balance and lean forward. He sturdied you against his chest again and captured your lips to pull you into a deep kiss, your tongues wrapping around each other.

The coil in your stomach got tighter as his long fingers pressed against your sweet spot, and his pointer and thumb coming together to pinch your sensitive clit finally sent you over the edge. You cried out his name as you came all over his fingers, staining the front of his pants and shaking from the intensity of your orgasm. Nikolai gently kissed away your tears as you came down from your high, hugging your waist and caressing your sides.

You gasped as you heard him unzipping his damp slacks, and you looked in the mirror, your eyes traveling straight down to his hardened member. Nikolai started stroking his length slowly, pale pink tip sticky with pre-cum, as he lowly groaned your name. "S-sorry dove, I--fuck--wanted to play with you more, but I--ah--can't wait any longer..." Heat went straight to your core upon hearing that.

"I-it's fine, p-put it in..." You looked back at him sweetly before parting your folds with your pretty nails, and he grunted after seeing some of your arousal drip down your thighs.

"F-fuck, myla, you're so beautiful~" You hissed at the feeling of Nikolai teasing past your slit before entering you slowly. Even though he'd prepped you more than last time, you still whimpered lightly from the stretch, secretly making him smirk pridefully. He silenced your moans with another gentle kiss as he started thrusting inside of you, lewd sounds bouncing off the walls. Both of his hands went back to your tits to play with them again as he broke away from the kiss, groaning into your neck as he pushed deeper into your pussy. It wasn't enough for him, though.

He lifted your leg up slightly and bent it slightly at an angle before drilling his cock harder into your cunt, your hands pressing close to the mirror as your back arched, so he could go deeper inside you. Nikolai groaned and bit his lip as your walls clenched around his length. He soothed your pleasured cries by kissing down your back, pressing his abs against your hot skin. The foggy reflection of your tits bouncing up and down with his movements and the fucked-out expression on your face made him moan lowly, praising you for taking him so well.

You whined at the tight feeling in your core as your pussy sucked in his cock. The feeling was so good you were moving your hips back and forth to meet his thrusts, ass recoiling perfectly in response. Nikolai was still hyper-focused on leaving hickeys on your skin and squeezing your tender nipples, and his hot breath tickling your neck was driving you crazy. He groaned as you squeezed his length again, pre-cum starting to leave a creamy ring at the base of his cock.

"A-ahh~ I'm close--keep going, p-please--" You begged, desperate to cum and hoping he wouldn't edge you like last time. He smirked, pleased by how needy you were. He nodded, locking you in another messy kiss as his free hand traveled down to your hips. Nikolai pulled away from you slightly before re-entering you harshly, making you see stars.

You choked on your moans as you whimpered his name, pussy clenching around him even more. He was breathing heavily, and his thrusts were getting slower and messier, signaling that he was close, too. You got up slightly on your elbows and looked back at him affectionately, "I love you, Nikolai."

His eyes widened as he pulled your back against his chiseled stomach and buried his face into the crook of your neck, secretly blushing like crazy. His strong arms came back to wrap around your waist, making you yelp when you felt him all the way inside you. "L-love you, too, dove~" He rasped quietly as he came in your pretty cunt.

The warmth made you moan as you followed with your second orgasm, panting at the euphoric sensation. Only Nikolai could make you feel like this. He pulled out slowly and turned your fragile body around towards him, hugging you intimately and kissing your forehead softly. He tucked your damp hair behind your ear and kissed the spot again, "You did so good, myla." You hugged him back, nuzzling into his chest and blushing when you heard his frantic heartbeat.

"I'm so happy you're mine now..." He whispered quietly, kissing your head again before steadying you against the sink to wet a towel and clean himself off. Nikolai bent down a bit to wipe you down, and you impulsively ruffled his fluffy white hair, making him giggle and plant a small kiss on your inner thigh. You smiled adoringly.

So he has his soft moments, too, huh.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Your and Nikolai's hands were intertwined as he led you to a grand dining room. Apparently, you were supposed to have dinner and meet two other members of the Decay of Angels. You fidgeted nervously as you approached the grand dining table, which was decorated with gold candelabras and a cream cloth table runner. Despite the warm decorations, the room still had a slight eerie feel.

The two men seated at the end of the dining table looked up at you. Nikolai had given you some fresh clothes, lending you one of his oversized chunky cream sweaters and a silk midi skirt that he'd quickly sewn out of the sheets. From the occasion, you'd learned about his surprising little hobby. On the other hand, he kept on his white button-up--now loosely buttoned--and just changed into a different pair of black and white striped pants.

Nikolai placed his hand on your waist and beamed excitedly, "Sigma, Dos, meet Dove! She's my lover and is going to be staying with us from now on!" He pushed you forward a bit and you nervously bowed.

"N-nice to meet you both. Thanks for accepting me, and I hope we all get along." You cursed yourself mentally for not coming off as confident as you wanted, but you couldn't help but crack slightly under the two men's stares.

Dos, who was sitting at the head of the table merely sneered silently and continued glaring at you as you sat down next to Nikolai. The man sitting across from you offered you a bashful smile instead, "N-nice to meet you, too. I'm Sigma." You smiled back at him, secretly grateful that he was trying to cut the tension.

Nikolai clapped his hands, "Okay, we've gotten introductions out of the way! Let's eat now~" Your eyes drifted to the bowl of pelmeni soup and borodinsky bread in front of you. To be honest, you were starving but concerned since Dos hadn't touched his food at all and was still intently staring you down.

Sigma cleared his throat and spoke up again, "Y-you can eat the food. It isn't poisoned or anything. Ivan made it." Ivan? You didn't know who that was, but you nodded and thanked him quietly, trying a spoonful of the soup. You wished you could just scarf it down, but you decided to eat in a ladylike manner as to leave a good impression.

You weren't quite sure if you'd impressed Dos, though, who had finally introduced himself as Fyodor Dostoyevsky a few minutes later, resting his chin on his linked hands.

"Welcome. We're the Decay of Angels, a terrorist organization that commits murders and causes great fear and suffering--find a way to make yourself useful or you'll be disposed of--" He stared straight into your eyes, "--by me personally." Your heartbeat increased in fear and your hands went slightly clammy upon hearing that.

Nikolai put down his spoon, "Oi! Be a bit more gentle with her, will you?" Fyodor's gaze left you and he turned to Nikolai, "I know this is the first woman you've interacted with face-to-face in years, but you're already threatening her? Seriously? No wonder you're single..."

Fyodor's eyebrow twitched in response as Sigma turned away, obviously trying to stifle a laugh, and he and Nikolai glared daggers at each other. You hid your face in embarrassment as Fyodor scoffed annoyedly and dismissed himself from the table, taking his dinner with him. So much for getting along.

"God, he hates me now...he's probably going to murder me in my sleep..." You looked sadly at Nikolai, but he only grinned snidely.

"Don't worry about it, ptashka, Dos is just like that. Anyways, the mood's lightened up so much now that he's gone, right?" He giggled maniacally--unserious as always. Sigma chimed in as well, trying to cheer you up,

"Y-yeah! To be honest, I haven't spoken to him much, either, and I've been here for a while. He's just the serious, loner type." You weren't convinced fully, which he noticed. "I-I'm the general manager of the sky casino." You looked up and nodded, hearing about it before--a luxurious place for people to gamble away their fortunes and essentially be ungoverned and off-the-grid. "If you're not doing anything tomorrow, why don't you come and visit? I'll give you some money, on the house!" You perked up at that, taking up Sigma on his offer, much to his relief.

"I'll be going, too, just so you know." Nikolai butted in, making Sigma sigh and tell Nikolai he wasn't invited didn't have to come with. The two bickered back and forth, Nikolai being insistent on going to the casino with you two.

You giggled at that, they were just like real friends. Perhaps your stay here wouldn't be too bad--at least now one more person liked you. Sigma and Nikolai stopped arguing after hearing you laugh and looked at each other before smiling softly at you. You yelped as Nikolai jumped at you suddenly to attack your face with kisses, making Sigma cringe.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You'd finished dinner with Nikolai and Sigma, successfully being cheered up from the previous tension. It wasn't too long-lived though, as Nikolai had asked you to get Fyodor's dirty dishes. You tried to object, but he'd simply just waved his hand at you while he resumed washing the dishes with Sigma.

Knocking on the door to Dos's room, you hesitantly cleared your throat and spoke, "Can I come in? I just need to get your dishes." You heard him shuffle around and click his tongue,

"The door's unlocked. Come in." You gulped before turning the knob and entering. The stone room was cold and barren, with the only 'decoration' being a table holding several different monitors and keyboards. The room was only lit by the screens, which were circling with code and all sorts of data. Fyodor didn't even try to acknowledge your presence or turn around, so you just tried to step around the various cords on the floor and grab his bowl in front of him.

He was reading a book in his chair and still didn't speak a word, but you could feel his glares cutting into the back of your neck, sending shivers down your spine. You grabbed the bowl and turned back around--again trying to avoid stepping on any cords--and your eyes curiously tried to see what book he was reading.

He rotated his chair briefly, "You know, being a housewife isn't--"

"Crime and Punishment?! Oh, I remember reading that book in the asylum's library. It's a great commentary on the transformative power of guilt and the possibility of redemption, isn't it?" You chirped, instantly regretting your impulsive input on the book. Why did you have to be such a bookworm?

Fyodor's eyes widened slightly as he closed his mouth, truly caught off-guard, "Yes, it is." He went back to his book as you shyly smiled and made your way through the cords, back finally turned away from him. He paused, "You can borrow it if you like. I can give it to you tomorrow after breakfast."

You stopped in your tracks, turning your head slightly. You were only met with the sight of his chair, though. "R-really? T-that would be nice, actually...Thank you." You trailed slowly towards the door before leaving. "G-goodnight!" Flustered, you closed the door quickly, missing him saying it back and the pale rose that was dusting his cheeks.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Life with the Decay of Angels had been going surprisingly well. It had been two months since Nikolai had taken you to the base, and you'd adjusted in that time span.

You got close with Sigma, who admitted he was a bit intimidated and scared of you at first because you were Nikolai's lover, but he was relieved you weren't exactly like him. Fyodor had become more open and accepting of you, and you both mostly connected over the literature he would share with you. Nikolai tried to keep you away from him as much as possible, though he would never tell you why...

You had become a decoy of sorts and helped Nikolai on the ground with disguises and espionage. Currently, you were both infiltrating Mersault. You had learned that the true reason for Nikolai coming to the asylum was to get a hold of the space-creating ability that both Mersault and the asylum were built with. Fyodor was hoping to harness it to build a secret, impenetrable base for the Decay of Angels.

Criminal profiling and socialization skills from your previous attendant position had come in handy when going undercover, along with your "feminine charm" that none of the other members possessed. Of course, Nikolai was all too excited to have you working with him, never missing the chance for quickies or subtle flirting and teasing. You couldn't exactly say that you hated it, though...

Whenever you walked around in public, you would occasionally see a "missing" poster with your face and information on it. You would always discreetly rip up and toss them, though, having no desire to be found or go back to your old life.

After all, you'd finally crossed the threshold from the ordinary world to a new life with your true lover. You'd been freed, and you were never going back.

˚₊‧꒰ა bad ending໒꒱ ‧₊˚

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vanilladove · 6 days ago

Text

₊˚.༄ hide + seek

spooktober 2024 masterlist

☾₊‧⁺˖pairing: asylum patient!nikolai gogol x asylum attendant!fem!reader

☾₊‧⁺˖genre: angst + fluff; slightly suggestive

☾₊‧⁺˖content warnings: manipulation/mind games, infidelity, nikolai's a bit of a meanie in this one lol

☾₊‧⁺˖notes: meant to follow the events + be a side story of the get free series (between pt 1) just pretend it's still halloween okay

☾₊‧⁺˖ word count: 5.3k

"Happy Halloween!" You chirped happily, handing Nikolai a pumpkin-decorated gift bag with his favorite Ukranian candies and sweets. There was an assortment of minky binky, roshen, and ABK chocolates inside⎯which you'd learned were his childhood favorites.

Your patient paused before opening the bag and observing the treats inside. He looked...melancholic almost? He took the candies out in his hand and turned them all over to look closer at the packaging, silent.

You opened your mouth to speak but closed it, unsure if you did the right thing. Your husband had warned you not to bring gifts for any of the patients⎯and especially not Nikolai⎯because it would promote unwanted feelings and attachment, but you brought them behind his back anyway. You hated how strict all the protocols in place were, and how they treated the patients like they were evil monsters instead of normal people that just needed help. After all, Nikolai wasn't a monster. To you, he was⎯

Arms wrapping around your waist and warm breath hitting the shell of your ears forced you out of your thoughts, and you yelped as you felt Nikolai's toned body pressing into yours, "Thank you, dove~" He patted your head affectionately and you felt some loose strands of his white hair tickle your face. "Halloween is actually my favorite holiday, y'know?" He hugged you closer, and you felt your back hit the wall of his holding room.

"When I was a kid, my neighbors and I used to go around the nearby houses and say 'Varyatyky or sweets!' It was meant to be a a tradition to 'overcome' evil spirits!" You nodded and tapped on his chest to tell him he was crushing you, and he finally released you from his grip.

When he pulled away, his once sad eyes were now sparkling with excitement, and you gave him a questioning look, which he seemed to catch on to, "Ah, I was a bit sad earlier because the candies you gave me reminded me of my past life," He solemnly took your hands in his, "And I've been trying to escape the old cage I was in for a long, long time. I guess it made me feel weird..."

You tilted your head in curiosity⎯you swore that every time you thought you understood Nikolai, he always threw you off again. He giggled suddenly and spun you around, catching you back in your arms and embracing you again so your back was against his chest, and you shrieked from the slight dizziness, "You make me feel all sorts of weird emotions, ptashka, but I don't hate it."

For some reason, that made you smile softly as Nikolai rested his chin on your shoulder, his heterochromatic eyes still trained on you. You placed your hands over his, which were wrapped around your waist, and paused momentarily before peeling them off of you as usual. Your eyes caught your reflection in the steel mirror off to the side. Although distorted, you could clearly see Nikolai's body wrapped around your smaller one and how relaxed you looked. It definitely didn't look like an attendant and their patient.

It felt nice. Being held like a lover felt nice.

This was bad. He was being too affectionate, and you were playing along a little too complacently. Were you really this touch-starved? Wouldn't letting another man touch you⎯a married woman⎯like this be bad in any other situation?

Your doubts and uncertainties were interrupted when Nikolai whispered into your ear.

"Love, can we go play in the courtyard later today?"

₊˚.༄

The crisp autumnal air hit your skin, but it was nice. The orange and red foliage contrasted the stark white asylum you were in all day, and the tan trench coat you threw on helped keep you cozy and warm in your short dress. Well, that and Nikolai, who was connected to you with linked arms. He would stop every few steps to squeeze you in his arms, claiming he was "too cold and needed heat" even though he refused to put a coat on.

The patients had just finished their midday snack, so he smelled like the powder-mix apple cider that was served in the cafeteria. The scent of sour apples and cinnamon was comforting enough to you, so you didn't complain much about his antics.

You exhaled, watching your breath materialize in the chilly air, "This weather...it makes me wish I could give out candy to the trick-o-treaters," you smiled sadly to yourself, "I always like decorating the house during this time of year and seeing their happy faces when they come to our door..."

Nikolai paused, stopping your steps briefly and walking in front of you, holding both of your hands now. He walked backwards, crushing leaves under his feet, "Why don't you do it tonight, then? You get off work before they start to come out, right?"

You shook your head, "No...it's been four years since the asylum opened, and in those four years, my husband has always forced me to work the night of Halloween, so I can never celebrate." You paused, looking up to see some doves flying in the sky, but Nikolai pulled your head back down to him.

"That's a shame, dove. If you were with me, we could dress up in matching costumes together and surprise all the kids," He started skipping frantically, pulling you away from the main area of the courtyard, "Oh! I could do your hair and makeup, too, I'm pretty good at that sort of stuff, y'know? I could even make you a custom costume!" You squealed as he started to skip faster, spinning you in circles and making you dizzy. You were both getting farther away, the fountain no longer in sight.

He pulled you close to him again, his blue and green eyes wildly piercing into your shaky pupils, "If you just left him, we could make that a reality, myla." His hands grasped your arms tighter and your lightheadedness was making his words feel hypnotic, "Why don't you just leave him already? You don't even love him, do you? He hurts you; you hate him. And I hate him even more. I hate him. I hate him. I hate him. I fucking ha⎯"

"Ahh⎯Ow⎯" You gasped sharply from the pain of Nikolai digging his nails into your arms and pulled away from his tight hold, mind still a bit hazy. "S-Stop it, just stop it, Nikolai..." He gave you a disapproving glare, but you continued, "He's my husband and my boss, so I have to obey him. I can't just up and leave him whenever I wan⎯ack⎯!" You stepped backwards and stumbled on a stray boulder, and time felt like it went slower as you lost your balance and toppled onto the ground, your back and head hitting the dirt.

You groaned in pain, feeling the ache in your skull. Your patient, however, didn't seem too concerned and only sneered when he watched you hit the ground. You narrowed your eyes at him and felt his presence as he crouched down to assess you for any injuries. Nothing too serious.

He giggled manically while picking some dried leaves out of your hair, "Say, dove, if you really miss the kids, why don't we play a childish little game?" You grunted and tried to swat his hand away, but the dull throbbing in your head prevented you from being successful.

You tried to glare at him, but a chill ran down your spine when you glanced over to see a wide grin on his face and the same dark, unreadable look clouding his eyes, "Hmmm, why don't we play hide and seek? It's a fun game, right, ptashka?" He gleamed brightly at you again but barely gave you a chance to object, "Yeah, that sounds fun, doesn't it? How about you count to thirty and then come look for me?!"

You winced again, placing your hand over your head to try and alleviate some of the pain. How desperately you wanted to scream at Nikolai to stop and help you, but the constant pang blocked you from doing so. He tilted his head innocently, "Oh, a prize, you ask? Well..." He pondered mockingly, "What about winner decides? And no cheating, okay?" He took your phone and walkie out from the pocket of your trench coat and shut down your phone so no one could track or contact you. You whined when he threw a part of your coat over your eyes to blind you.

His presence left you as he dusted himself off and stood up again, "Thirty seconds, okay, myla?" You tried to reach for his foot, but he was long gone, and all you could do was listen to the distant crunching of leaves and hysterical giggles grow farther away from you.

Thirty, twenty-nine, twenty-eight, twenty-seven...

₊˚.༄

The sun had set by the time you opened your eyes again, finally mustering up the strength to get off the ground. You rubbed your back and looked around⎯it had probably been closer to thirty minutes since Nikolai had ran away.

Internally, a tick set off in your head telling you to look for him. You checked your empty pockets and decided that you should try and catch him first before reporting anything. After all, he was technically your responsibility, and the thought of your husband hounding you over losing a patient hurt your brain more than the spinning pain.

You tried to think rationally⎯if you had woken up on the ground, then surely no one had noticed both of your absences or caught Nikolai. Just calm down and try to find him.

You looked around, trying to guess where he'd ran off to, but the ground didn't give you any clues as to which direction he'd gone. Not that you were surprised, though, since he had plenty of experience running away.

It's fine, it's just a silly game⎯he didn't really run away or escape. You tried to calm your mind and think of a plan to get him. Deciding that treating this as a game would help your sanity, you cupped your hands around your mouth, "R-Ready or not, here I come!" You squeaked out, your shaky confidence showing through your voice.

You ran towards the fountain, hoping Nikolai would be there since he was always drawn to the koi fish and rose garden. You walked towards the direction of the structure, the crisp air filling your lungs as you frantically looked for him. Calm down, he's definitely there. You smiled to yourself, envisioning him playing with the fish or tossing rose petals into the water pools of the marble fountain. It was a ten-minute walk, so you tried to enjoy the fresh breeze blowing through your hair and massage the knots in your strained back.

What you weren't expecting was...nothing. There was just a maintenance worker tending to the garden and pulling out weeds. No sign of your patient. You walked around, looking behind every bush and up into each individual tree, but you still saw nothing. The gardener would glance at you occasionally, but you kept searching tirelessly, trying to go beyond the bounds of the elaborate labyrinth to see if he was hiding in a more inconspicuous spot. Still no luck.

You mustered up the courage to go up to the worker and see if he'd be any help. Maybe it was cheating, but you were starting to get impatient and doubt was beginning to sink in.

You cleared your throat, "Ahem," the worker turned around, "Excuse me, but have you seen anyone pass through here recently?"

The old worker smiled, the corners of his mouth crinkling upwards in a smile, "Well, yes, actually⎯lots of people. Anyone in particular you were looking for?"

You breathed a sigh of relief, "Have you see a tall man with white hair? It's probably in a braid, and he has heterochromia⎯one eye is green and the other is a bluish-gray with a vertical scar," The gardener only gave you a confused look, "...he's pretty young and fit..." You trailed off, concerned by the look you received.

The elderly man scratched his head, "I haven't seen anyone like that around." He paused, recognizing your attendant uniform, "Is he your patient? We can get security involved if it's a serious problem. Actually, let me radio the bos⎯"

You grabbed his hand apprehensively once you saw him reach for the walkie on his belt, "O-Oh, sorry, I just remembered I handed him off to another attendant." You let out a fake laugh, trying to reassure him no action was needed. No matter what, you couldn't get your husband involved.

The worker eyed you cautiously but then shrugged, "They really overwork you attendants so much you start to forget things, huh? I've heard you're understaffed."

You forced out another laugh and nodded, "Haha, yeah, they do..." You perked up, smiling as another precaution, "Thank you for your help, though, sir! I-I'll be on my way now, so please resume your work." You waved to him and started walking back towards where you fell.

"Young lady! Where are you headed off to? The asylum's back there!" Your eyes widened at his voice calling out after you, but you turned again, feigning confidence.

"Just taking a walk to clear my head!" You waved again, and he shrugged and tipped his hat to bid you farewell. You turned around and cursed yourself silently, both for acting suspicious and still not finding Nikolai.

As soon as you couldn't see the old gardener anymore, you started sprinting, hard, back towards your starting point. The fall air was now burning your lungs and your heart was beating violently fast, swelled with anxiety about the whole situation, and the fact that Nikolai could very well be gone by now. And it would all be your fault.

A pit formed in your stomach as you thought of all the potential repercussions you'd have to face, but also at the thought of never seeing Nikolai again. Of knowing that was your last interaction. Somehow, the thought made you want to run faster. It felt like you had to find him.

₊˚.༄

The forest. You hadn't checked the forest yet.

It was darker now, the once coral sky had turned navy blue, and the sky was much dimmer. Almost two hours had passed, but you still hadn't found Nikolai.

Despite the cold, you were sweating from anxiety. There was no way you lost him. Maybe if you called for him, he would come out of hiding? He did seem to have some sort of obsession with you. You looked around again before stepping closer to the mass of colorful trees.

"Miss, is everything alright?' You whipped your head around to see the second-to-last person you'd want to encounter at the moment⎯Lacey.

Her blonde bob was swaying from the light breeze and her emerald eyes shined with fake concern, "Where's your patient? Gogol, right? Nikolai Gogol?" She ran up to you and tried to reach for your arm, but you stepped away before she could touch you.

Somehow, you felt strange. No one had ever said Nikolai's name before, as they were too scared to acknowledge him because of all the crimes he'd committed. The way his name flowed off her tongue in such a tender way irked you for some reason.

"He's fine." You mumbled, forgetting to add a nicer tone to your voice. You coughed suddenly, remembering that Lacey was likely there for a reason, and that she'd run off to the boss immediately if she caught on to the situation at hand. "Ah, did something happen? You should be done with work by now, right? It's late."

Lacey shifted, peering over your shoulder like she was trying to look for your patient; you felt your palms getting clammy. "Well, you and Gogol have been gone for two hours, and your walkie and phone both aren't able to be contacted. The boss sent me to look for you because he was worried about you both..."

Worried, sure. Definitely not just because he was a control freak that needed to know your wherabouts all times. She gasped dramatically, bringing a hand up to her mouth, "He didn't run away, did he? He isn't with you⎯" her brows furrowed and she looked around, "Should we call security? They can deploy helicopters and dogs to search from him!"

You felt a lump in your throat when she said that, fearful of her taking action and exposing you. You reached for her shoulder reassuringly, "Oh, well, there's no need for that," you raked your mind for any sort of plausible excuse, "Nikolai's just...um...using the bathroom! He's in the woods right now, so I'm just waiting for him to finish." You tried to laugh to throw in some emotion, "Sorry I didn't tell you in the first place. It's kind of TMI and embarrassing!"

Lacey stared at you suspiciously but nodded slowly, "Oh...I see." She grimaced at the thought, "Men are really gross, aren't they? For a patient to do that...how uncivilized..." You forced another painful laugh and agreed with her, wrapping your coat tighter around yourself to shield your shaking body. You couldn't tell if she was dumb enough to believe you or not.

Lacey smiled at you, "Why don't I wait with you, then? Once Nikolai comes back, we can all walk back to the white ward, and then I'll go home!"

Your mouth felt dry. Shit, you were really going to be caught now. You couldn't tell her that you still didn't know where your patient even was. For all you knew, he could've successfully escaped the asylum premises by now. You tried to open your mouth to object, but you didn't know how to do so without making yourself look more suspicious.

Think. Think. Think, damnit.

Lacey's humming made your head hurt, but you suddenly thought of another excuse, "Oh, Lacey, could you actually bring me a new walkie? My old one and my phone died earlier, so I gave my walkie to a guard and asked him to bring me a new one, but he never did." You clasped your hands together, "They should be in the break lounge, and you can ask IT for help configuring it. That way, I can radio in, and you can head home!" You hoped that convinced her, and luckily her eyes lit up at your suggestion.

"Sure! It's honestly a little cold out here, so I'll go back inside to get you a walkie." She pouted, "I kind of wanted to meet Gogol. He's stuck to you all the time and hates all the other attendants...I'm sure we would get along, though!"

Lacey flashed the brightest smile at you, and you had to restrain yourself from throwing a rock at her sly face as you adjusted your coat. Certainly she didn't think Nikolai would make an exception for her⎯she was way too irritating and two-faced. "Well anyways, I'll head back. I'll come back to this spot afterwards with some guards to get you and Gogol." She waved goodbye to you in a childish manner before skipping away, and you watched intently until she became a small dot in the distance.

Your palms got sweaty again as you realized you had thirty minutes at most to find Nikolai. Your heartbeat increased as you ran into the forest and looked up into the branches, hoping to catch sight of him.

Still unsuccessful, you started to panic. "Kolya!" You cried out, cupping your hands over your mouth to project your shouts, "Kolya, where are you?" You ran deeper into the woods, dirtying your clean shoes and getting scratched by branches along the way. It was dark and the foliage covered the light, so you couldn't see very well.

The hairs on your neck stood up, and you heard some distant rustling. Looking up, all you saw was a dove in a tree, feeding some of the babies inside its nest. You stopped to stare for a bit before moving on, going deeper into the mess of shadows. Anxiety kept creeping up on you as you continued shouting Nikolai's name.

"Kolya, please! I give up, so you can come out now! Please, come out, please⎯" You kept running, and your throat felt dry as everything started to dawn on you. You'd been wandering for ten minutes. It was getting late, and beads of cold sweat stuck to your skin. Your body still hurt. Lacey and the guards were going to be here soon, and when they were here, they'd find out you were lying about everything, and Nikolai was actually nowhere to be found. You'd lose your job and very livelihood. Your husband would get angry and take it out on you and your family. You'd be locked away for aiding a global criminal in escaping one of the most secure places in the world. Or even worse, you'd be declared mentally insane and be stuck here, as a patient for your husband and Lacey to look down on. It was all your fault for believing you could trust Nikolai or be his friend.

Your back hit a tree trunk, and you slid down slowly, curling up into a ball. Tears flowed out of your eyes, and you whimpered to yourself. You felt ashamed and alone. For a moment, you felt used. You cried, feeling desperate. You couldn't believe you were about to ruin your life over conflicted emotions you had over an insane man. You should've just been a good, compliant wife and not follow your heart. You should've never tried to seek freedom.

"K-Kolya," you sobbed silently, "I just wanna see you...one more t-time. Don't leave me please, you..." You're all I have. You're the only person in this world I can really talk to. You couldn't speak the words out loud, in denial over your forbidden feelings. You closed your eyes as you sobbed, only looking up when something small and hard got crushed under your shoe.

You wiped your tears and nose with the sleeve of your coat, eyes focusing on a white and red striped circular object on the ground. A minky binky⎯one of the candies you'd gifted Nikolai. You got up slowly upon seeing several more leading deeper into the woods, resembling a trail of Ukranian candies.

Your feet started to pick up their pace as you followed the trail, stopping when you got to a clearing, where a short stump was surrounded by an assortment of dried leaves.

Your teary eyes widened when you finally saw your patient, glowing from the moonlight and with a dove perched on his hand. Nikolai released the bird into the night sky and smiled at you in a melancholic way. "Oh, you found me. Took you long enough, ptashka. You really are terrible at hide and seek."

Without hesitation, you ran into his arms, wrapping yourself around his frame. You helplessly gripped onto his sleeves and dug your face into his shoulder, not wanting him to see any evidence of your tears from earlier. "...I didn't think you would run away so far...I thought I lost you..."

Nikolai only laughed. "Dove, honestly," he said cheerfully, "You were never going to find me, I'm far too clever for that!" He pulled you away from his shoulder, but what he didn't expect was your face, illuminated in the moonlight, with tears clinging to your eyes and your lips and nose swollen from your earlier weeping.

"K-Kolya, please don't leave me again," you wiped your eyes and sniffled, "I was so s-scared⎯"

Nikolai's faced softened and he embraced you in his arms, stroking your hair gently and trying to comfort you. This was...strange. He'd never seen you display such strong feelings of emotion or sadness. And to think you were crying over him of all people...he didn't hate the fact he was making you cry, but it bothered him that it wasn't because he wanted you to cry. A small frown appeared on his face and his heart felt...slightly heavy from seeing you in this state.

He spoke in a soft voice, trying to reassure you with his presence. "Hey, dove...I didn't mean to make you cry, really…I was just trying to make it a little harder for you to find me, I wanted to surprise you." You continued sniffling and Nikolai used his thumb to wipe away more of your tears, trying to make them stop. "Why...Why are you so sad?"

You covered your face in embarrassment, ashamed of breaking down in front of your patient, "I⎯", you started, head screaming at you to shut up and step away, but your lightheadedness made you more vulnerable, "I thought I was going to lose my job, and I didn't want my husband to find out about us," Nikolai's head perked up, but he rubbed your back.

"Was that the only reason?" He stared into your eyes sympathetically, but also like he wanted to hear more from you.

"No...I also...was scared I'd never see you again." You exhaled shakily, "Your mannerisms, our conversations, you always holding my hands or hugging me, I don't...I don't hate it...They've made my dull life somewhat more interesting." You looked away, "If I lost that...if I lost you, I would feel so empty again. You make me...happy for some reason."

Your patient's eyes widened. Nikolai made you...happy? But he wanted to make you free. Or was he just using you to alleviate some of his boredom? Wasn't making you happy the same as him committing himself to you, and you tying him down by making the two of you codependent? But that was what he was trying to escape from...he wanted to be free from the control and ideals of others.

You went on, talking about how Nikolai was the only person you could talk to about your personal life, how he made you feel special at times, but Nikolai's own inner thoughts drowned out your words. Stop. Stop it. Stop your babbling. He fumbled a lollipop out of his pocket and stuck it into your mouth, silencing you like a baby with a pacifier. His eyes brightened, overwhelmed by you. Your eyes wavered, not being able to handle the intensity of his stare, and the same thought plagued both of your minds.

Were you catching feelings for him? Was he more attached to you than he thought he was?

Nikolai caressed your cheeks, drying the last of your tears with his dampened sleeve. He slowly kissed your eyelids, catching the saltiness of your teardrops. "Myla, the words you're saying and the game you're playing...you could make a sane man mad."

You blushed, suddenly being hyper-aware of the fact you were both alone. The thought made you shudder. Anything could happen and no one would see.

"Are you cold, dove?" You yelped when Nikolai's strong arms pulled you into his lap, so you were straddling him. You placed your hands on his shoulders and squirmed awkwardly to try and get off, but he firmly held you in place. He dug his face into the crook of your neck, "Oh, your skin's freezing. Should I warm you up?" He smirked playfully before biting down lightly on your neck, making you jerk up and gasp. He started kissing the mark, simultaneously holding your legs open and rubbing circles on your thighs. A small moan left your throat, which you instantly regretted, and you tried to close your legs, but it was no use.

You squeezed his shoulders, "H-Hey, what are you doing⎯s-stop⎯"

Nikolai giggled mockingly, "I technically won our little game of hide and seek, so this is my reward. Winner got to choose, remember?" He continued littering your neck with kisses, "I want you to treat me like your lover for ten minutes, or until we get caught." His dark eyes cut into you, "Otherwise, I'm really running away. And you won't be able to stop me." You whimpered as he licked down your skin, baring his teeth against your sweet spot, about to leave a hickey.

You mustered up some strength to push him away, "W-Wait, you can't leave a mark then." He frowned, staring up at you. You sighed, feeling defeated but knowing you didn't have any other option but to comply with his wishes, "Kiss...lower instead. The marks won't be visible..." Your cheeks flushed as you threw off your coat and slowly undid the buttons on your uniform, the dress falling down your shoulders and stopping right under your collarbones.

Nikolai watched as the fabric dropped and nuzzled into your exposed skin, "So soft..." He kissed down your collarbones, dragging his tongue with each kiss. You moved your hands up to tangle in his white messy hair, pulling him closer as he made his first mark above your collarbone, the feeling of his teeth biting down making you jolt and press down farther into his lap.

One of his hands left your waist to pull your dress down further, and you gasped as the cold air hit your chest. You tried to instinctively cover up, but Nikolai was already palming one of your tits through your lace bra and kissing the other. He groaned from finally being able to explore your body more, and you could feel the tent in his pants pressing against your panties.

"S-Seriously, Kolya..." Your skin felt hot, the feeling of being this desired feeling foreign to you since you and your husband barely got intimate...and when you did, there wasn't any real love or passion to it. Having someone worship your body like this⎯it made you want more.

You pulled on Nikolai's hair and gently rolled your hips to press down more on his bulge, drawing deeper groans from him. "Myla, a-ahh, you're so pretty..." He kissed in between the valley of your breasts and looked up at you, "You should just be mine and mine alone." He sucked on the exposed part of your tit and marked another spot there, kissing it afterwards. He repeated his motions on the other breast, his touch making you whine, the sound being absorbed by your lollipop.

"Mmm...your skin is so nice...I wonder how sweet you taste, ptashka." His other hand was still caressing your inner thigh, and it was dangerously close to slipping inside your lacy underwear. He could just⎯

"Miss! Mr. Gogol! Are you in there?" You both stopped as you heard Lacey's shouting voice and saw cut-up rays of light through the tree trunks. She had come back as promised with guards, evident by the heavy footsteps coming towards your direction.

"Ah, I guess our time's up, then? Too bad..." Nikolai sighed disappointedly, teasing you with one more bite over your bra, earning a surprised yelp from you, and you hurriedly re-did your buttons. Nikolai looked upset, wishing you could've gone further, but deep down, he knew this little back-and-forth game between the two of you wouldn't end anytime soon.

He got up slowly from the stump and swiped the cherry-flavored candy from your mouth, savoring the taste of you on it. You pouted, but he only laughed at you in return, slowly walking away as you picked the twigs and leaves off your trench coat. He stuck his tongue out before licking the lollipop, "Don't be sad dove, I'll taste you someday~"

You ran up to meet him and tried to get the blush off your cheeks, already trying to think of a lie to tell everyone on the long walk back. He intertwined his hand with yours, giggling to himself as Lacey and the guards finally came.

He was sure you'd scream when you saw the hickeys at home, which he'd purposely left in a diamond formation, like the ones on playing cards. That way, you wouldn't forget he was the one who marked you, and that your heart belonged to him.

#vanilladove #【ｖａｎｉ＇ｓ　ｓｐｏｏｋｔｏｂｅｒ　２０２４】#vanilladovebsd #bungo stray dogs #nikolai x reader #nikolai gogol x reader #nikolai fluff #bsd fluff #bungou stray dogs #bsd #nikolai gogol x reader fluff #nikolai gogol #nikolai gogol fluff #nikolai x reader fluff #bsd x reader #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs x reader

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vanilladove · 5 months ago

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Helllooo, can i request Tecchou with someone hes known all his life, and that are kinda Childhood-friends to lovers? Just some fluff and maybe the Hunting dogs being like, „And how long have you been friends and together for?“ “Just 18 years, why?“ bc i think that would be so funny (also extra, can you make their dynamic kinda like black cat thats secretly a golden retriever(reader) x golden retriever(tecchou), if not, that okay [[: )

I hope you have a good day ♡

.ೃ｡+˚❝ just 18 years ❞

divider creds plum98

ೀ⋆｡˚pairing: tecchou x fem!reader

ೀ⋆｡˚genre: fluff, slightly suggestive oops

ೀ⋆｡˚content warnings: none! other than tecchou's horrendous food combos .__.

ೀ⋆｡˚word count: 1.6k

"A-Ah, Tecchou, don't dip your hamburger into your milkshake—!"

You pouted, stopping your boyfriend's hand from ruining his strawberry milkshake. The two of you had decided to go on a date at a vintage diner for his day off. Being a Hunting Dog was demanding, and he was often exhausted at the end of the day, so you tried to cherish every moment you could spend together. However, you could never truly relax with him.

The brunette frowned, his bangs shifting as he turned his head to peer up at you, "Why not? Sweet and salty go together, right? And it's good to combine foods that are the same colors. Ketchup and strawberry are bo—

You sighed, shoving a french fry dipped in your vanilla milkshake into Tecchou's mouth, cutting off his senseless rambling.

He looked surprised, but his eyes quickly lit up upon tasting the new, delicious food combination. "Oh, this is actually really good...Can I have another one?"

"Sure!" You nodded happily as you fed him another french fry, this time dipping it into his drink. At least it was more socially acceptable now. You watched as he ate the fries, quiet but focused on absorbing the flavor. Getting to treasure these sweet and wholesome moments with the strongest soldier in the Hunting Dogs was what made you fall for Tecchou in the first place, your love for him only growing stronger as you two grew up. "Seriously, though, Tecchou—sometimes I feel like your food taste is just pregnancy cravings..."

You continued to shovel dipped fries in his mouth as you recalled your past memories together, "Remember that one time that you tried to eat a slice of my birthday cake with dirt just because it was chocolate, and they were both brown?" You giggled as you pictured the scene again: you running over to find Tecchou after he'd gone off to your garden, him proudly showing you the "dirt sprinkles" and "moving gummy worms" he'd dug up from the ground to eat with his cake, your shock, and the equally shocked and amused looks on his parents' and the neighbors' faces when you told them the story. You titled your head, staring at your reflection on the bar table's metal countertop. "I don't even know how old we were when that happened. Just that it was when we were still neighbors."

Tecchou grinned, "It was your tenth birthday. I remember you were wearing that cream frilly dress with roses and got it dirty when you came to talk to me in the garden." He looked up and down your figure, noticing your cream and cherry-patterned halter midi dress, "'Kinda looks like what you have on right now. By the way, did I tell you how beautiful you look today?"

Rose dusted your cheeks as you pulled away, flustered and trying to keep your cool. "T-thanks." You looked back towards Tecchou and took in his outfit. Since it was his day off, he'd ditched the maroon uniform for an off-white, short-sleeve linen button-up and tan pants. His shirt was partially unbuttoned at the top, exposing his toned chest and arms and accentuating his layered, dark hair. "You look nice, too." You looked away, embarrassed for momentarily staring so hard, but you were sure the blush was still visible on your cheeks. You couldn't help it—even though you'd known Tecchou for so long and had already been dating for a few years, you felt like you'd never get over the butterflies and puppy love phase. It was probably due to his honest yet silly nature and the disastrous but endearing moments you always spent together. You still went on cute dates all the time—hiking (Tecchou would get you two lost in the woods sometimes...), picnics, and aquariums, so your relationship always felt wholesome and tender even through the hardships of Tecchou's work, just like a plum blossom.

Tecchou whined lowly, missing your touch by his face already. You were too lost in thought to notice the drops of milkshake flowing down your fingers, and Tecchou smiled cheekily. “Your hands are dripping.” He pointed at the one you were feeding him fries with.

You looked down, “Huh? Oh—“ you were about to grab a napkin from the dispenser until you felt your boyfriend firmly pull your hand back to his mouth and lick the sugary drink off your fingers. You yelped and tried to move back, startled by the sudden action. "T-Techhou, i-it's fine—"

"No," He said firmly, keeping his grip on you—there was no way you could break out of the toughest Hunting Dog's hold—"Just stay still." Complying, you blushed as he slowly ran his wet tongue over your sticky fingers, golden eyes intensely staring into your own.

"Mmm...you taste so sweet..." he grumbled into your skin—you secretly prayed he would stop before you started drawing attention as your heartbeat got faster.

"Tecchou—seriously, you're acting strange—!"

He pouted suddenly, lifting his head a bit, "You should be happy, y'know...When I get you pregnant, I'll eat all your weird pregnancy cravings with you."

You shivered at his words as he dipped back down to get the last bits of vanilla milkshake off your fingers, entire body now feeling hot. You were sure he didn't intend for it to come off so suggestive and probably thought it was a cute and innocent thing to say, but you were going crazy inside. Wait, doesn't that also mean he loves me enough to start a family togethe—

The door to the diner slammed open abruptly as three other customers came in, all in matching maroon attire.

"Hey! Tecchou's eating a human!" You recognized the high-pitched voice of Teruko, who was quickly followed by Jouno and Tachihara. The two ran in to see your questionable pose; Tachihara gaped in shock and Jouno looked disgusted, and the intrusion made you almost explode in embarrassment.

Tecchou, however, was completely unbothered, only muttering a "hello" as he looked at his unit who'd cut off his precious time with you.

You pulled your hand away, trying to introduce yourself "H-hi. You must be Tecchou's coworkers...I'm—"

Tachihara gasped, "Right, sorry, we must be interrupting your first date. Let's leave them in peace, guys!" He tried to leave before Teruko stopped him.

"No, Tachihara, we can't leave yet. This poor girl doesn't even know what she's gotten herself into...I mean, Tecchou's got some weird quirks and stuff, right?" Jouno sighed, already sick of the two and wanting to get away from the noisy diner. He could hear Tecchou's heartbeat get faster anxiously as the Hunting Dogs started to taunt you, suggesting that the brunette had strong feelings for you.

Tecchou's grip on you loosened like a sad puppy as Teruko's words hit him, making you notice, "N-no! You're both wrong!" You stammered, catching all four's attention. Tecchou's eyes were gazing into you again, curious as to what you'd say and how you felt about him since by nature you weren't a very expressive person. "This isn't our first date, and Tecchou's not weird!"

His eyes widened, and Teruko fell silent—slightly pissed off that you were challenging her but also shocked at how you were defending the same man who ate boiled eggs with the shells still on.

"He's kind and always makes me laugh, he's strong and protects me from danger, offers to carry and take care of me when I'm tired and sick, and he spends his free days with me even though he feels guilty about not being able to save others! I love him! I love him, and I always have ever since we were neighbors!" You pulled his arm close into your chest and tried to avert your eyes away from the patrons who had all started staring at you. Now, you and your boyfriend were both blushing. And he knew how you felt about him.

Teruko looked at you suspiciously; the Hunting Dogs were all close with each other and didn't disclose much about their pasts, so she wondered what your intentions were with Tecchou, since she didn't recall him ever mentioning you. "Neighbors, you say? And how long have you been friends together for?"

You and Tecchou looked at each other, both equally confused and dumbfounded by the fact that the Hunting Dogs didn't know you'd been dating. "Just 18 years, why?" You both said in unison, smiling and giggling at the coincidence.

Teruko recoiled in surprise, now feeling bad for being so intrusive. Trying to brush off her actions and be nonchalant, she turned her back to the two of you and grabbed the other two men, "Oh, sorry. Sorry for barging in then. We'll see you tomorrow, Tecchou." Jouno sighed again, unimpressed by his superior as Tachihara followed before turning around and smiling,

"Have fun, lovebirds!" You hugged Tecchou, feeling sheepish from the whole encounter and by your loud love confession, and he only hugged you back, strong arms enveloping you into his firm chest.

"Love you..." You mumbled weakly, feeling defeated but also relived to finally be alone together again. He laughed huskily as he planted a kiss on top of your head.

"I love you, too." You poked your head up from his chest to peck his soft lips, tasting a mixture of vanilla and strawberry. He closed his eyes, guiding the back of your head into the kiss more before pulling away and hugging you once more. "Hey, do you think you could feed me more fries? I'm hungry again."

You snickered cutely, nodding as you stayed in his arms a bit longer, thankful to have fallen in love with your childhood best friend.

#vanilladove #vanilladovebsd #tecchou x reader #tecchou suehiro #tetchou suehiro #tetchō suehiro #tetchou suehiro x reader #bsd x reader #bsd fluff #bungo stray dogs x reader #bungou stray dogs #erm this request was from oct 2023...anon im so sorry T-T #but also im done with requests now yayayayay #sorry for being inactive lol

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vanilladove · 2 months ago

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𐙚⋆.⋆♡ dollhouse

spooktober 2024 masterlist

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚 pairing: yandere!ayatsuji yukito x fem!reader

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚 content warnings: kidnapping, dollification, stockholm syndrome, a tiny bit suggestive

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚 summary: an intriguing customer with an obsession for dolls visits your family's antique shop and is captivated by you, but little do you know what he has in store for you...

˖ . ݁𝜗𝜚 word count: 2.5k

The door to the basement clicked open, signaling that he was back home.

Ayatsuji Yukito. The man who had kidnapped you randomly and gotten away with it, because he could.

You still remembered meeting him at your parents' antiques shop, the smell of smoke wafting past you. The way his gold orbs cut into your soul, and the following shudder your body let out—looking back now, it must've been a sign, but you ignored it. How could you not, though, with how beautiful the man behind you was? When you turned around, you took in his appearance.

His messy blonde waves and his dressed-up attire—donning a white button-up, gray sweater vest, and a maroon tie tucked underneath. When he pushed up his yellow-tinted sunglasses, his eyes finally met yours. Giving you a calculated look up-and-down, he smiled like he was pleased about something.

Remembering your employee duties, you cleared your throat, "H-Hi, can I help you with anything, sir?"

He looked around suddenly, checking out all of the windows like he was making sure no one was following him. "Ah, yes, actually—" he looked back again, trying to flash you another grin like he was trying not to be suspicious, "Do you have any dolls here?"

Your eyes widened in delight; no one ever came for those, "Dolls? Yes, we have some in the back. Follow me." You motioned for the man to go down the aisles with you, but you didn't know Ayatsuji was observing you, too.

He admired your loose braid, fastened by a red gingham bow. The puffy white dress and brown leather mary janes you wore, matching the aesthetic of the store. Cute. The detective thought, wondering if you liked wearing frilly skirts and laced high heels. You'd look pretty like that, you already had such lovely doe eyes.

"Here they are, sir."

"Ayatsuji. My name's Ayatsuji, darling." He shook his head, "I'm not that old yet." You giggled from that, the angelic sound gracing his ears as you blushed from slight embarrassment. You were oblivious to the way your presence captivated him.

Your ruby-tinted lips turned upwards, "These are the dolls, Ayatsuji," you paused, noticing how he admired the ball-jointed dolls on the rack, and explained the assortment to him. His gaze wandered from the dolls to you and back and forth, and he attentively listened until you were done speaking. "Are you buying them for anyone special? A girlfriend or a younger sis—"

His golden eyes cut into you again, but not before a smirk appeared, "No, they're for me. I collect dolls."

You curiously brought a finger to your lips—he was definitiely an interesting man. "Collect dolls, huh? Most customers avoid this rack because they think they're haunted or too creepy." You turned to the side to smile again, recalling the pranks you used to play on your cousins who were scared of dolls.

Ayatsuji sighed, a coy smile still on his face, "Creepy? I don't think so. I actually find them quite enchanting. Dolls are far more intriguing than people. You never grow sick of them." You were surprised to see his face so close to yours, goosebumps crawling up your arms. He looked even better up close, and you were sure the rose coming back on your cheeks didn't hide anything.

You internally scolded yourself for being so attracted to a random customer, but you couldn't help it. Your parents had moved far away from your hometown to open an antique store closer to the city, so you didn't know anyone here. Since you already finished school and felt obligated to help your parents run their shop, you never had time to meet people. Customers were your main form of outside interaction, and hot men never came in.

You're staring at him too much. Look away. Your mind screamed at you, and you abided, coughing awkwardly. You knew it was unethical to fall in love with the first attractive man you could talk to, "I see, um, well, let me know if you have any questions. I'll be by the register—"

Ayatsuji pulled you closer, forcing your uncertainty-filled eyes to look into his again, "Wait, I have a question for you." Time stopped as he pleaded softly. You tapped his arm again, signaling that you weren't leaving. He stared intensely at the dolls again, squininting his eyes as he slowly let go of your shoulders, looking you up and down again.

"These dolls...are there any that look like you?"

You stepped away, cheeks heating up, "Wha-What?" You were startled by the way he so casually asked you that, "O-Oh, you mean any with my style of clothes?" You frantically turned back, grabbing a doll with braided hair and a white puffy dress and trying to shove it into Ayatsuji's hands, but he stopped your motions halfway.

He smirked amusedly at you, entertained by your flustered reaction, "No, darling, I mean any that look like you. With your same complexion, your pretty doe eyes, and beauty."

He spoke like a poet.

"You think I'm beautiful?" You started, not used to the abrupt compliment. "Wait, Ayatsuji, are you flirting with me?" You looked up to see the cheeky man laugh, a cocky grin still present. He nodded again, mumbling a soft mmhmm before tucking a stray piece of hair behind your pearl-adorned ears. You would be fun to dress up.

You opened your mouth, but you were cut off by the bell from the entrance ringing. "Ayatsuji! What the hell do you think you're doing here?! How did you even get past the sniper team?" An angry green-haired women in a suit stormed past the aisles towards you too, making Ayatsuji click his tongue and sigh in annoyance.

"Oh, Tsujimura, as always, you have the worst timing." He turned back to you, softening his facial expression, "Apologies our time has been cut short, darling, I would've loved to chat more with you. Can I—"

A black-gloved hand seized Ayatsuji's shirt collar and shook him aggressively, "Hello! Are you even listening to me?! I'm taking you back now!" He only swatted her hand away dismissively, making her even more mad.

His warm glance turned cold as he faced her, "I heard you the first time, alright?" He pointed to the doll in your hands, "Can I get that delivered to me?"

You were confused by the scene in front of you, but you shook your head, "No, unfortunately we're in-store only." Tsujimura fumed, about to take her wrath out on you next. You swore you could see steam coming out of her ears.

Side-eyeing her, Ayatsuji pulled you into an embrace, a sugary coffee scent filling your nose. He leaned down, whispering in your ear, "No worries, I'll come back for you, my precious doll." You froze, not expecting a hug and unsure if he was talking to you or the inanimate figure.

You felt chilly as his warm body left yours and he took his leave, waving goodbye as he was dragged out left with Tsujimura. What a strange encounter. You shoved the doll under the register and grabbed a cardigan to wrap around yourself, wondering when you'd see him again.

It wasn't until a week later, until you were closing the shop and heard the front door ring again, that you saw Ayatsuji again. Except he looked different. He was wearing a black turtleneck, black belt, and black trousers and shoes. Like he was trying to blend in with the night. It was dark since you'd dimmed most of the bright display lights. His gold eyes were all you could see, but there was a different glint to them.

"A-Ayatsuji! Y-You're back?!" You were taken aback, glad to see him but also a bit cold for some reason. He walked towards you, his boots clacking against the hardwood floor. You ran to meet him, smiling like he was your long-lost lover, and hugged him, wanting to return his gesture from before. His warm breath fanned the shell of your ear as he wrapped his arms around your waist.

"Hah, I'm glad you missed me too, darling." He stroked your hair, taming the unkept strands, "Can I take the pretty doll home with me now?" Your brows furrowed. He was talking strangely again, but you pulled away to nod and crouch to get the doll from a week ago. Ayatsuji took out a smoking pipe from his pocket, taking a long hit of it before blowing it by your face. You held the doll out, trying to give the figure to him while waving your hand and coughing from the smoke which he wouldn't stop blowing in your direction. You already felt a bit dizzy, and the last thing you remembered was his smirking face before the world turned black.

You were in a cold room full of dolls. It was adorned with old paintings and a Victorian-style bed, but you couldn't shake the feeling of the glass eyes boring into your shivering body—tied to the bed with some silky lace. You tried resisting against it, but it wouldn't budge.

A mocking laugh sent a familiar shiver down your spine, coming directly in front of you. Seated in a throne-like chair in front of you was Ayatsuji, your once charming yet unsettling customer. "Seriously, doll, you really need to stop with these futile escape attempts of yours."

Setting his hat and coat on the arm of the chair, he slowly made his way onto the bed beside you, suddenly turning soft as he caressed your cheek. You hated to admit it, but his warm touch was too easy to relish in and lean into, and it had slowly become the only source of comfort in your bone-chilling enclosure. He smiled in response, "At least try to appreciate me making it pretty and cute for you."

You mumbled a quiet 'thanks' which seemed to satisfy him. He excitedly untied your lace ropes like they were nothing and pulled you into his arms, and you reciprocated his gesture a bit too eagerly.

"I missed you, Ayatsuji. Please don't leave me in here with these dolls all the time." You whimpered, burying your face in your captor's chest, inhaling his coffee-smoke scent. He only continued to stroke your hair, kissing you gently.

"Don't say that, darling—I got all these friends for you since I knew how lonely you were before." The helpless look in your pleading eyes and your needy little pouts always pulled at Ayatsuji's cold heart--he couldn't resist himself from spoiling his precious doll.

You shook your head, "It's not the same...they don't talk to me, and it's so...cold here." Of course, you wouldn't mention the short dress and thin stockings on your body—Ayatsuji took care in picking out different dolly outfits and playing dress-up with you.

He tilted his head innocently, "You're cold? Ah, maybe I should gift you a puffy coat and leg warmers? So you look like one of those pretty slavic dolls?" He cupped your face excitedly with his big hands, scanning your figure up and down with a piercing gaze, "Yeah, you'd look nice like that."

You nodded frantically—anything to cover your exposed skin, making Ayatsuji giggle. "Doll...you know your clothes aren't cheap, right? Especially because I get them tailored to your body..." Your heart started beating. Fast. Ayatsuji always did this--offered something he somehow knew you were in need of in exchange for some sort of affectionate favor. It was all a plot to make you slowly become more dependent on him. And it always worked.

You placed your hands on his chest, getting ready to plead for something nice, "W-What do you want this time? A kiss? Homemade dinner?" You blushed, remembering the times you'd gotten more intimate, "Or se—"

He placed a finger to your lips, "You missed me today, so how about just a sweet little kiss?" He flashed you a caring smile while he leaned back against the head of the bed and patted his lap.

You exhaled shakily, becoming a bit too conscious of what you were wearing. You slowly made your way onto Ayatsuji's lap and pushed his bangs away gently. You told yourself that these acts of affection were just performances, but you started to question how much of it was an act and how much was through your own will. You certainly couldn't stop yourself from shivering when his hands teased your thighs, or the shaky breaths that left as he started drawing circles on your cold skin.

Bringing your face closer to his, you whispered, "I love you, Ayatsuji. Thank you for taking care of me." You dipped down and caught his lips with yours, kissing him passionately as his hands made their way up to wrap around your waist. Your mind was screaming at you not to indulge your kidnapper any further and to pull away, but his touch felt too nice.

You went further, loosening his collar and kissing down his neck. Ayatsuji groaned, pressing you down further against his lap. He felt so warm. "A-Ah, doll, you're so needy today." He pulled you away to gaze at your slightly glassy eyes, which were focused on him only. He started fiddling with the hem of your frilly dress, starting to place light kisses on your collarbone.

You felt cold again suddenly, so you looked up. A bony doll with black eyes was glaring at you shamefully, like it was disappointed in how easily your heart caved in to your captor.

Feeling your body still, Ayatsuji stopped and looked up to see your gaze wandering to the sides of the room where his other dolls were. "Doll—"

"Ayatsuji, how is my family?" You gripped his shoulders and looked back at him, but his face seemed more stoic now. "Are they...still looking for me?" You yelped as you felt his fingers dig into your hips.

"Darling, you're not supposed to worry about them anymore." He sighed dejectedly. Your eyes widened again when he squished your cheeks and pulled your face back down. "Dolls should just look pretty and give all their attention to their owners, right? You know that, don't you, love?" He shook your face softly as tears threatened to spill and the warmth left your body.

"Awww, don't cry and ruin your makeup, doll. Don't you still want that coat?" He pulled you down on his lap again and stroked your hair while wiping the drops forming by your eyes, careful not to smudge your eye makeup. He kissed near your ear before whispering into it, "Just keep kissing me, okay? You're so close."

You felt broken, but you couldn't disobey him. He was the only one looking after you now, and you knew you couldn't escape him. Shaking slightly, you placed your lips back on his, holding onto him for dear life. He exhaled blissfully again, happy you were back to being compliant.

"Like that, doll. I love you so much, you know? Just stay with me and don't think about anything else."

#vanilladove #vanilladovebsd #【ｖａｎｉ＇ｓ　ｓｐｏｏｋｔｏｂｅｒ　２０２４】#ayatsuji x reader #yukito ayatsuji #bsd ayatsuji #ayatsuji yukito #bsd x reader #bungou stray dogs #bungo stray dogs x reader #this is for the ayatsuji girlies...we're small but mighty fr #spooktober #kinktober

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vanilladove · 10 months ago

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❤︎ ₊ ⊹ get free (bonus)

based off of an anonymous request to see what would happen if reader tried to escape because trust was lost🫣 this is also the 'bad ending' reposted bc 'read more' wasn't working the first time.

pic creds luvpngs | gif creds akashi-tetsuki

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ pairing: asylum patient!nikolai x asylum attendant!fem!reader; slight fydor x fem!reader🤫

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ genre: angst + fluff? w/ dark elements; one suggestive scene with nikolai🙈read at your own discretion!

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ content warnings: feelings of guilt, manipulation + violence, unhealthy relationships, slightly yandere nikolai, this is lowkey sad...😔

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ summary: you've become an accomplice to the doa. however, you've started to grow some doubts about your situation. are you really free or just in another man's cage? not to mention the demon lurking from a distance... ˚₊‧꒰ა read pt 1 & pt 2 & pt3 (good ending)໒꒱ ‧₊˚

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ word count: 4.7k

"So, what's your husband like?" Your coworker Juliette asked, sitting in a circle with your other colleague Anaïs, passing around a box of assorted chocolates.

It had been three months. You and Nikolai had successfully infiltrated Mersault, getting more information about the space-creating ability and honing in on potential ability users. Now you were alone, working for the government's IT department--your goal was to create a breach in their database for Fyodor to get into, so he could narrow down the Decay of Angel's targets and get their information.

Anaïs scowled and gave you the chocolates, muttering a word about how she was "low-sugar" before she primped her hair, preparing to brag, "Well, y'know, Louis takes me shopping and buys me new jewelry whenever I want. He just got me a new puppy, too, and he's the cutest little pomeranian!" You giggled a bit as Juliet pouted in envy, "Oh--and he's taking this weekend off, so we can go to the islands together!" You popped a caramel-filled square in your mouth as Juliet rolled her eyes playfully.

"You spoiled princess...Antoine spends all his money on the kids--plus he only gets one weekend off a month and always brings them to our romantic date nights..." Your coworker sighed dramatically, pretending like she wasn't equally as doting over her children, whose pictures and handmade gifts were all around her cubicle.

Ah, children, families, frequent romantic dates, marriage...those were all traditional things you gave up after running away with Nikolai.

You were lost in your thoughts as you popped another rich candy into your mouth--this one being filled with a creamy pistachio ganache that tasted a bit too artificial and made you cringe. Juliette called your name to snap you out of your daze.

"Well, what about you? What's your husband like?" She leaned forward and stared curiously at you, waiting for you to share your little gossip. You chewed slowly, trying to process the question as Anaïs nudged her friend's side lightly.

"Juliette, are you blind?! The girl doesn't have a ring on her finger--certainly she must have a man though--I mean look at her--she's a stunner." Your eyes widened at that as you twirled your wig hair and fixed your fake disguise glasses.

"Oh, well, Anaïs is right, I do have a...lover." Lover...you and Nikolai had never really put an official label on your relationship. You described Nikolai--dubbed as "Nikolas"--to the two other women, trying to stay as true as possible while not revealing his true identity.

Juliet winked at you, "Do you guys have sex? Is he rough, soft, kinky?" She giggled as Anaïs side-eyed her for her childish behavior.

You blushed, well, at least you could answer this question in earnest, "Yeah...he's good...really good." You covered your face briefly, feeling heat in your cheeks when you remembered your little Mersault moments. "But we haven't done anything in a while since he's away on a...work trip." You smiled sadly at that, despite missions being the new norm, you couldn't deny feeling lonely and missing Nikolai constantly.

"Ohhhhh?" Juliette and Anaïs exchanged coy looks, "You need that man to marry you before he leaves you...trust me, darling, I would know." Anaïs said, touching up her lipstick, "You wouldn't want to get knocked up and left alone, would you? Men are too unfaithful these days..."

Yeah, you knew all about that first hand.

You were about to interject until you supervisor knocked on the wall of the space you three were having lunch in. "Lunch break's over. Get back to work, ladies." You all got up slowly, and you held onto the box of chocolates, offering some pieces to Juliette before taking it back to your work desk and putting your headset on.

"You shouldn't eat so many chocolates, ptichka, you'll get a sugar crash." You straightened your back suddenly upon hearing the sultry, russian man's voice in your headset. Fyodor. He usually gave you instructions privately to hack into the system, but he normally only talked to you for mission purposes.

Rolling your eyes, you popped a sweet milk chocolate heart into your mouth, "Hush, I'm stressed. And how did you know? Are you watching me or something?" You looked up by the ceilings to glare into the nearby security cameras.

Fyodor only laughed on the other side. "Oh, milaya, I'm always watching you." Shivers ran down your spine as his voice faded out and you were back to staring at your log-in screen.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

You waved goodbye to your coworkers as greeted Ivan--your personal chauffeur--and stepped into the backseat of the car, staring out the tinted window. The car was stopped at a red light when you noticed an animated billboard broadcasting a clip of the news. It was your parents and your in-laws begging for any information about you or your husband's disappearances and the award for either of your safe returns. While that didn't bother you at first--after all, your parents just saw you as a pawn they could marry away for a sound investment, and your in-laws didn't treat you much better either--you couldn't help but feel some remorse from their desperate pleas.

You knew what had happened to your husband--you and Nikolai had killed him. As much as you didn't want to admit it, his death was starting to haunt you. The eerie silence after you'd pulled the trigger and the horrible state he was in before replayed in your dreams, and it didn't help that your lover wasn't there to comfort you anymore. Especially now that Sigma was busy managing the Sky Casino, and you had to work your 9-5 office job, you really had no one to talk to openly. No one...except for Fyodor.

"Welcome back, milashka." Fyodor greeted you as you slipped off your heels upon entering the base. You smiled awkwardly at him, freeing your hair from the wig and slipping your glasses back into your purse. "How was work today?"

"Good...as always...you would know that, though since you're always watching me." You teased, still a bit shaken by what he'd said.

Despite how cold and reluctant he was towards you at first, you'd somehow gotten closer since it was basically just you two at the base. He'd held up his promise and gave you plenty of books to read, so you often talked about literature, which usually lead to deeper conversations. Additionally, although he never addressed you by your name like Sigma, he started giving you russian pet names--some of which were uncannily similar to the ones Nikolai would call you. You tried not to pay it much mind--it was probably some weird power dynamic thing--but you couldn't help but notice how he hid the nicknames and subtle flirting around Nikolai.

Fyodor motioned towards the small table by the fireplace, "I made some tea. Would you care to join me, ptichka? He smirked as you sighed and sat down next to him--you swore the chairs were closer than usual. You pulled the box of chocolates out of your purse and set them down next to a blue and white porcelain tea cup. You poured yourself some black tea before taking another chocolate, this one being filled with strawberry cream. You sulked after seeing a drawing of a happy family on the box, drawing Fyodor's attention. "Is anything on your mind, milaya? You seem bothered."

You eyed him curiously, surprised that he cared to listen to you. You figured you needed to get it off your chest, though, so you opened up, "Well...it's just that I've been alone lately with Nikolai gone, and I've been feeling like maybe this life isn't exactly for me..." You trailed off, a bit panicked when you saw a blank, stoic look on Fyodor's face. You put your hands up defensively, "N-not like I don't want to be a part of the Decay of Angels anymore, but just that I want more out of my life in the future."

Fyodor crossed his legs and rested his chin on his hand, gazing down at you, intrigued, "Go on."

You gulped, "I get so jealous when my coworkers talk about their families and settling down, going on fun vacations, or having daily board game nights...How they can speak so freely about their lives, while I have to live a lie and walk past my missing posters every day...I-I don't have anyone to come home to anymore, either..." You could feel tears start to cloud your vision as you looked down, never speaking this passionately before. You were sure you looked pathetic.

Your eyes widened as you felt Fyodor's frail fingers come up to wipe away your tears and brush across your cheek before landing on top of your hands. They were cold, not as warm as Nikolai's but at least somewhat comforting.

"Perhaps it isn't a different lifestyle you crave, but a sense of belonging and security." Fyodor started, bringing his face a bit closer to yours. "Your heart desires a deeper connection with those around you. After all, you abandoned everyone you knew before and suddenly went into an entirely different life. It's only normal that you would feel distressed after a while. You need comfort--and I'm sure that some part of you wants to give your parents some closure about your disappearance."

Fyodor was being...sympathetic? It was almost scary how well he could describe what you were feeling, along with how surprisingly empathetic he acted. You had quickly learned that he had little regard for others or for defective subordinates.

You looked up at him, "It's not just that, though. Even though it's selfish, I want Nikolai to marry me--or at least make things more serious and clear between us..." You didn't notice Fyodor slightly frowning at that as you continued, "He's just been away for so long, and it's not like I don't trust him, but he really has no obligation to stay loyal to me, and I've already been cheated on before...There's no way I can fall in love with another man being a double agent, so I need to know if he plans on us being long-term or not..." Rambling out the rest of your feelings, Fyodor stroked your hand slowly, his smug smile returning on his face.

"You should tell him that, then. If you speak from your heart and tell him the truth, I'm sure he'll listen to you. After all, he'd fulfill your desires if he really loved you." You pouted.

"But it's Nikolai...at the end of the day, he lives by his own convictions and philosophy."

Fyodor clicked his tongue, "If he loved you, he'd compromise." You weren't quite convinced, but you flinched when he brought your hand up and placed a soft kiss to the back of your hand. "Good luck, milashka." As soon as it happened, he was gone as he dismissed himself and left you alone at the table. You didn't know how to think or process the conversation as you lightly slapped away the faint blush across your cheeks.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Another long day of work had concluded as you wished your coworkers a good weekend and walked out the door. It had been two weeks since your conversation with Fyodor, but it was all that was on your mind. You really needed to talk to Nikolai soon.

Wait. Was that Ivan...holding a bouquet of flowers? Not just any flowers either--they were the same lavender roses you'd been gifted by your ex-patient in the asylum courtyard.

Ivan only gave you his usual twisted smile and laughter before handing you the bouquet as you shot him a questioning look. You muttered a quiet "thank you" as you got into the backseat and stared out the window again, smelling the fragrant roses and replaying Fyodor's words in your head.

It didn't hit you that the road you were traveling on was unfamiliar until the car suddenly came to a stop, and you realized you were in an abandoned alleyway. Uneasiness started to settle in as your driver exited his seat, shutting the car door behind him. "Iv--"

You were interrupted when the door to the backseat flung open and closed as Ivan crawled on top of you, pushing the flowers out of your hands as he pushed his body against yours and cradled into your neck, hysterically giggling. "I-Ivan--" You struggled to shove him off you, but he was too strong, "W-what are you---"

A familiar scent stopped you from speaking as your heartbeat increased. Wait, was that--?

Ivan pulled away from your neck before tugging off his bandages, his whole appearance suddenly fading away before being replaced by...

"K-Kolya! I-It's you!" Relief washed over your face as you looked up to see your lover staring back at you, clearly satisfied from whatever prank he'd just played on you. He kissed away the tears that had formed instinctively from your fear while laughing maniacally.

"Hehe~ Did you miss me, dove? I wanted to surprise you since I just came back. Your reactions were a nice little treat~" You pouted as you looked away, embarrassed that you'd lost yet another one of Nikolai's mini games. His features softened, "I'm afraid I may have gone a bit too far though. I really missed you, myla." His warm, gloved fingers traced over your bottom lip slowly.

"M-missed you too, Kolya. So much..." You sniffled as you pulled his head down to yours, tangling your fingers into his fluffy white hair and capturing his lips in a deep kiss. Your back pushed into the car cushions as Nikolai's hands roamed your body, needy to touch you again after so long--especially since he couldn't contact you. He fumbled with the buttons on your thick coat, hands working fast to get you out of all of your layers.

He groaned into the kiss as you tugged on his locks and wrapped your legs around his waist to press him further against you. By now, he had unbuttoned your light blue blouse to reveal your pretty skin. Nikolai pulled away from the kiss gently to take you in--the sight of you all flustered in just a thin lacy bra was turning him on, evident from his growing arousal that was pushing against your tights.

"Fuck, dove, you're so beautiful..." He dipped back to leave messy hickeys on your neck, whispering in your ear before slowly working his way down, "Your skin's so soft...were you touching yourself while I was away, pryntsesa?" You moaned at that, whining when his hand starting rubbing circles from your hips to your inner thigh, getting dangerously close. The trail of wet kisses traveled down your collarbone and your breasts to your stomach and eventually stopping where the waistband of your black skirt and tights laid. He was panting lightly at this point, devoid of air from worshipping your body. "It wasn't enough, though, was it? You need me to feel good, myla~" He heaved, his face pink and strands of hair falling over his eyes. His fingers hooked around your clothes and he resumed his trail of kisses, about to strip you.

"If he loved you, he'd compromise."

Fyodor's words hit you as you stopped Nikolai, lightly pushing yourself up again. "W-wait, Nikolai, I want to talk to you about something." He grunted, annoyed like a little kid, his bulge still pressing against you.

"Can it wait? I didn't bring you to this abandoned, sketchy alley for nothing, ptashka." You pulled away further, to his disappointment, and pulled your knees up against your body, pouting sadly.

"I know, but it's something that's been on my mind since you've been gone", Nikolai only sighed impatiently as you pleaded, "I promise it won't take too long..." You put your hand over Nikolai's, and he obliged reluctantly, sitting up a small distance away from you.

"Cockblocker...make it quick." He muttered, and you tried not to be immature and giggle. This was supposed to be a serious conversation.

You cleared your throat, "Well, I was just wondering about us...and our relationship..." You flinched when you saw Nikolai's eyes bore into you, "I-It's not what you think---I love you and want to stay with you, but, are we..." You trailed off, suddenly feeling embarrassed and unsure about what to say next. You looked down, mind a muddled mess, but you tried to remember Fyodor's advice.

"A-are we ever going to get married? Settle down and maybe start a family? Move somewhere nice and peaceful, where we can just enjoy each other's company?" Your mind went back to Anaïs and her husband, as you slowly started to look back up, "Go on a vacation together to the islands? Or your home coun--"

"No." Nikolai's dark gaze cut into you, stopping you from speaking any further. "Why would you want that, dove?"

You could feel your heart shattering. This wasn't how you thought he would respond. He was supposed to understand you, to listen to you, to compromise.

"I want a future with you, Kolya, that's why..." You started sadly, throat feeling constricted.

"But we're already together right now, myla. Isn't that enough for you?" Nikolai replied apathetically, his expression stoic and unreadable.

"It's--but my husband cheated on me, so I have to know if you're serious about us. I don't want to be in an unstable relationship anymore." Tears pricked your eyes, threatening to spill out as you could feel your heart breaking, "Anyways, you could just cheat on me, too. You're barely even around anymore, and I'm sure that you're always surrounded by beautiful women...All my coworkers are already married and in a happy relationship, so I feel so behind..."

"Oh, so that's why? Because society's telling you to live that way? Because you want to be accepted and imitate everyone else? That's the exact life I was trying to escape from, dove." Nikolai butted back, smiling cruelly.

"N-no! That's not--" You cried out, not being able to hold in the tears. Nikolai frowned and looked up from your face, reaching up towards your head.

"That hat? When did you get that?" He glared up at the white ushanka on your head. It resembled a certain someone's too closely.

You sniffled, "T-this? It's a gift from Fyodor. 'Cause it's getting cold out." Nikolai furrowed his brows in jealously upon hearing that name.

"From Dos...he's the one who planted those ideas in your head, didn't he?" His fists tightened at the thought of Fyodor wrapping you around his finger; it was his specialty, after all.

You wiped your tears sadly as you lowly shook your head no. At this point, Fyodor seemed to be the only one who understood you. He was the one who'd told you that Nikolai would compromise if he loved you. But he didn't. Did that mean...?

"Tch. Look, myla, stay away from that man. Dos may be my friend, but I don't trust him." Seeing your sad face and lack of response angered him more and he raised his voice a bit, "Stop talking to him, dove. I'm warning you--don't you dare even look in his direction."

Your sobbing resumed as you pulled your head back into your knees, hearing the backdoor shut as Nikolai left and started driving back to the base. You heard the sound of rain in the background as you clutched the white ushanka in your arms, the fluffy hat offering you some comfort.

The ride back was silent.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

Fyodor awaited you both when you finally arrived back at the base, the same sly smile on his face. "Welcome back, you two." Nikolai only glared back, holding your hand tightly. He let go suddenly and walked past Fyodor into his stone room, implying for him to follow suit.

Once Nikolai's back was turned away, Fyodor gave you a soft, concerned glance. Your nose and eyes were swollen and red from all the crying. "I'm guessing it didn't go well, milashka?" You shook your head softly, and he whispered about leaving some cookies and tea in your room. He tried to approach you, but a strong voice cut him off.

"Dos, let's talk." Nikolai menacingly called out, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorway. You'd never seen him this stern or angry before. He never took anything seriously, certainly you weren't an exception, right?

Fyodor shot you one last empathetic look and went into his room. You shuddered as the sound of Nikolai slamming the door and immediately yelling loudly bounced off the walls. As much as you wanted to eavesdrop, you were worn out and tired.

You retreated to your and Nikolai's shared room slowly, too exhausted to even try the tea and cookies Fyodor had thoughtfully left for you. You barely stripped off your disguise before crashing onto the bed, just wanting the day to be over.

Things with Nikolai could never go back to normal again. You wished you'd just kept your mouth shut, but you also wished Nikolai had been more open to your desires. What were you to him, anyways? And you didn't understand why he was so mad at Fyodor. He'd kept you company while Nikolai was gone, and he'd been nothing but respectful and attentive.

You groaned and tried to shut your eyes to drown out the conflicting thoughts in your head. Everything was way too complicated now. You wished things could be peaceful again. You wished you could escape.

˚₊‧꒰ა ☆ ໒꒱ ‧₊˚

"You want to go back home, ptichka?" Fyodor asked. You nodded in response. The next day, Nikolai was gone on another mission, never coming to your shared bed the night before or saying goodbye to you before leaving.

The russian man sighed, "That's a bad idea. You'll get caught before you know it, and once the press gets a hold of you, it'll be hard to rescue you. Plus you still have your job that could arouse suspicion."

"I know..." You started. "I just...have some amends to make...and I'll only be gone for a day or two...and stay in disguise." Liar. You didn't know why you wanted to go back, and if you were homesick or just trying to self-sabotage yourself. Either way, you knew you couldn't stay here and look at Fyodor or Nikolai any longer. Things were too tense, and you didn't know who was genuinely there for you or just manipulating you.

You couldn't trust either of them. Your plan was to either go back and get caught for your crimes or retreat to the Sky Casino for as long as possible. You bet that Sigma didn't like or trust the two men either.

Not to mention, you'd already left Nikolai a parting text, writing,

"I'm sorry. I'll always love you, Kolya. Thank you."

Not that you even knew if he'd see it, but you still wanted to say something.

"I'll help you." Fyodor finally said, making your eyes widen in surprise. "But I want to tell you something first." He took your hands and held them, running his thumb over your fingers. His touch was cold. "I admire you for wanting to confront your feelings and follow your heart. The rest of us have forgotten such feelings of humanity." He continued, "To see such a lovely, well-read woman like you leave pains me. I'll truly miss you and our intellectual conversations, milaya. So much so that I'll be awaiting your safe return."

You blushed as he kissed your gentle hands, "T-thank you, Fyodor, I'm flattered." Lying again, but you figured you would have to use your 'feminine charm' a bit to fully convince him.

He smirked subtly, "Escaping from another man's cage of lofty ideals and freedom into the outside world...Would you care to do me one last favor, milashka?" You nodded with doe eyes as he leaned into your ear.

"Give me a goodbye kiss." Shocked and flustered, you pulled away and broke contact.

Fyodor only stepped forward and held your face, his soft smile seeming more sinister now, "What's wrong, dove, you just have to kiss me, and I'll help you escape. Not a bad deal, no?" He got dangerously close to you, his hot breath fanning over your glossy lips.

You froze for a second, "I-I can't--" Fyodor only traced your lips ominously, like he was taunting you and asking you why.

"I'm still in love with Niko--"

"Dove? Dos?" Your heartbeat stopped when you heard your lover's voice behind you. Why was he here, and how'd he get here so fast?

You turned around, hoping he would save you, until you saw him holding a gun--the same one he used on your husband.

"Kolya, w-wait, this isn't..." You stopped talking when you heard the gun cock. There was no way you could explain your way out of this. You and Fyodor were just about to kiss, and you were trying to escape indefinitely.

Nikolai narrowed his eyes and pointed the gun at Fyodor, "This was your doing, wasn't it?" Fyodor only remained calm, however, and twirled a strand of your hair while smirking.

"No, quite the opposite actually. Our little dove here was just about to escape and go back home to 'make amends'. It seems like she may still be grieving over her husband and their traditional life together..." Nikolai's grip on his gun tightened, still pointed at his friend. "Actually, she was just seducing me to help her escape. A goodbye kiss, that's what you wanted, right, ptichka?" Your ex-patient's eyes narrowed after hearing the similar pet name.

He turned to you, "Is he telling the truth, dove?" You were shaking, still trying to process the situation in front of you.

"N-no! I was trying to escape with Fyodor's help, but that's it! I swear, I still love you--please believe me, Kolya!" You pleaded, practically begging for your life. Nikolai looked at you regrettably before removing the card over his right eye and laughing bitterly.

"And here I was, rushing back to see you once I saw your text because I was worried about you and wanted to talk things out properly. I'm quite the fool aren't I, dove?" He started laughing maniacally, scaring you. He then stopped suddenly and pointed the gun at you, "But I guess this decision was from your own free will. I was wrong for thinking you were the same as me..."

Anxiety settling in, you couldn't react. What was Nikolai going on about? Had Fyodor said something to or manipulated him, too?

"We got rid of your husband, but now you want Dos, too? You're aren't really mine, are you, dove?" He walked closer to you and pressed the cold metal barrel to your hip. "I'll be nice and let you play one last game, though~" He had a crazy look in his eyes--one dark and emotionless, and the other streaming tears; you were sure every feeling was spiraling through his brain.

Nikolai giggled as he pushed you out of the door onto the floor. You were about to get up in fear when you heard a shot in the background. Did he shoot Fyodor?

Deranged laughter was heard behind you as Nikolai peeked his head out the door, "Better start running, dove. Otherwise the next shot might hit you~" You backed up in terror, standing up and stumbling over to Nikolai, wrapping your arms around him and crying hysterically.

"K-Kolya, you're s-scaring me. I-I love you, s-so let's go back t-to n-normal." Nikolai paused against your shaky body and lifted your face up to his. Tears were falling out both of his eyes now, contrasting the wicked grin contorting his lips. You gasped as he wiped your eyes and licked away your tears.

"You look so pretty when you cry, angel. I'll give you an extra ten seconds for that. Ten...nine...eight..." Realizing you had no way to convince Nikolai to spare your life, you ran, not daring to look back behind you. The man you loved was gone, driven mad by his obsession over you. Your skin crawled as you heard his voice reverberating through the hallways.

"I thought you loved me, dove, but it seems I wasn't what you wanted. I got too attached to you, though, and you know too much, so it seems I can't just let you go or give you to another man. You won't escape my cage."

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