#when it was me it took me a Lot of time and the influence of many different factors
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colorlessjay · 18 hours ago
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hello! may be a weird request but do you have any fanfic recommendations?
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BUCKLE THE FUCK UP
OH DO I HAVE SOME RECS FOR YA'LL
Mind you, 90% are based on personal preference and fics I think about way too often than I should. A lot of them influenced the way I make characters interact
Some of them might not be your taste and that's cool!
First off, Gotta promote the fics that people wrote inspired by my art (I am truly honored)
Time Cast A Spell On You by bethefirstwhoeverdid
Cabin of Feathers by Featherpie (Izupie)
Return To The Past by faeryn
NOW FOR MY COLLECTION
Just any fic written by everandanon
I swear to you, all of their fics are worth a read. They are frustrating (In a good way for me) but the worldbuilding, comedy, dialogue, and character interactions always have me physically getting up and laughing. At one point during Quarentantion, I had to stop reading to rant to my friends about it because it made me feel so much that I went to 3 different friends about it. With Interest actually made my heart physically hurt at certain points. Expectations had me on a roller coaster ride But if you think their fics are a little overwhelming, I recommend reading Casicorn. It's the first ever fic I read from them and it solidified my love for this author. I swear I am on my hands and KNEES waiting for them to finish their newest fic
Where All My Journeys End - (a Twist and Shout alt universe) by Say_It_In_Enochian
Did reading Twist and Shout devastate you? Did it emotionally hurt your heart and make you wish there was something to make the pain lighter? READ THIS FUCKING FIC NOW I got so fucking lucky when I found it immediately after reading T&S and when I tell you the JOURNEY this fic took me? It healed my soul The struggles, the history, the relationships, the LONG fight to get to their happy ending I am FLOORED this doesn't have 1000 Kudos!
The Ed Sheeran Effect by tricia_16
It made me laugh. That's it. It's sweet and funny and really fun and just feels very campy, like it could've been a decent movie I would rewatch on days I just feel like feeling good Am I a sucker for HighSchool/College AU fics? Yes do I fucking care? No
The Best Years of Our Lives, My Ass by ireallyhatecornnuts (CharleyFoxtrot)
I. fucking. love. this. fic The story alone was so interesting but it was the DIALOGUE that hooked me in. I swear I think about this fic in the middle of drawing and go "Damn, good times" like it's a long lost friend
Slide Away by Castielslostwings
It's the TENSION that got me. I can't explain to you how much I just love their hate-pining for each other Read it, love it, in my digital bookshelf
Sleep Without You by turningthepages
Hilarious. The density is so high it could float. I swear to god I've read this fic at least three times and think about it once a week I remember reading it and cackling so much that I woke up my mom
Should've Just Asked by Annie D (scaramouche)
I wish this fic had a follow-up that was just Dean's perspective because I would LOVE to read more of it. The situation is so absurd and I binged it all in one day (I'm a very slow reader)
Pinfall by crowleyo
I'm gonna say it. I'm so actually angry this fic doesn't get enough attention. It is so so SO well-written and heart-wrenching. Am I still a sucker for highschool sweethearts? YES! I OPENLY ADMIT THIS! But COME ON
Of fuming and partaking and so on by zation
This fic and literally any fic from Zation. I absolutely love the way this author writes. It's so funny and self-aware and the dialogue and scenarios always keep me entertained and laughing They have such a large catalog of fics that I'm pretty sure I have at least 15 saved on my phone
Mr. Blue Sky by anyrei, queerwolf79
This fic specifically and literally ANYTHING from these two. I swear, a lot of their fics are certified bangers. Mr. Blue Sky is probably a personal favorite of mine cause I actually teared up
Love Me More by Saiorse_Irvyne
I'm not the biggest fan of A/B/O stuff, but MAN this has me feeling things. When a fic makes me feel strong emotions, I just gotta recommend it
Lock and Key by tricia_16
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH it's THAT good
Kind Of A Forever Deal by komodobits
It's FUN. It's FUNNY. It's so fucking campy and cute and the progression of their relationship was just AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
It's Always the End of the World Somewhere by Annie D (scaramouche)
I can sit here and recommend Annie D's fics all DAY, but I'm recommending this one specifically because of this: “Get a room, assholes,” someone mutters. “Hey!” Crowley whirls on the offender. “I could set on you on fire!” And that's one of many fantastic quotes
Cinderwings by bendingsignpost
One of the first fics I've ever read from this fandom, and I recommend it to ANYONE regardless of whether they know Destiel or not. The story is so fucking captivating it makes me want to eat my foot it's so GOOD
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Do I have a type when it comes to fanfics? Yes
But I like gravitating towards funny dialogue and silly shenanigans. I thrive off of fun fics that sometimes take themselves seriously, but still pull me back and make me laugh
If a fic can make me feel such a strong emotion that I PHYSICALLY have to get up? Then fuck yeah it's going in my archives
I would recommend some of the darker fics I have, but this is for fun
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starlightkun · 2 days ago
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➺ word count: 9.3k ➺ genre & warnings: sci-fi, near future, fluff, falling in love without seeing each other, minor hurt/comfort, coworkers au (but in space), space traffic controllers; brief blood/injury mention ➺ synopsis: in which you go to your job as a space traffic controller every day looking forward to your shifts with one specific coworker who you might be falling head over heels for. and sure, you don't know quebec’s real name, nor what he looks like, but you two talk for hours a day between guiding landings and take-offs, and you know him better than anyone else. you’re perfectly happy, until his end of the comms falls silent one day and won’t reconnect ➺ extra info: i recommend being aware of the existence of the icao alphabet so ur not thrown for a complete loop by ppl’s nicknames in here lol. u don’t need it memorized but i swear i didn’t pull these words out of thin air ok. also, in aviation, the number 9 is pronounced niner, ur not going crazy and neither am i ➺ author’s note: agh i had so, so much fun with this one! i know i say that with every new fic, but it’s true! also, i don’t know a whole lot about being an air traffic controller, so this was only loosely based off that (and reader and kun’s jobs are made up anyway), but my dad used to have his pilot’s license and take me flying with him when i was little and i took aviation classes in hs, so i do have a bit of knowledge/experience from that so there’s definitely a lot of influence from american aviation jargon in here (whether or not it’s used correctly is an entirely different thing... we’re in space in the future, after all)
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You didn’t immediately see any sign of injury and grabbed his wrist to try to find a pulse. It was faint, but there, and when you put your hand under his nose, you could feel his shallow breaths against your skin. He didn’t rouse, though, and that was when you saw a drop of blood trailing out of his ear.
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“Hey, Quebec?” You spoke into the mic, knowing that only one other person could hear you.
“—eah, Zulu?” A familiar man’s voice came through your headset, the very beginning of his sentence cut off as he hadn’t let there be enough still air before he started speaking.
One might think your job lonely or heroic or an opportunity to travel and see some of what the vast Milky Way had to offer. Space Traffic Control was by no means glamorous, and you certainly didn’t feel like a grand figure of mythology in your standard-issue orange jumpsuit that all employees wore on duty, sat at your desk with your feet crossed under you and your mic in one hand as you used the other for leverage against the counter to spin yourself around and around, the various lights on your control panel turning into a starshower before your very eyes. But you quite liked your job. You had the same shift almost every day, so your schedule was predictable, and while the landings and takeoffs that you oversaw were pretty regular thanks to the advancements in space travel, every so often, something fantastic did happen, and you did get to save the day with your quick thinking and directions. You were very rarely thanked or even acknowledged for it, all of the credit and glory going to the pilots, of course, but you didn’t mind—keeping your head down had always best suited you.
And you could never feel alone, even if you were the only person in your control tower. Not when you had Quebec. It was policy to have two controllers on duty at all times, in case of medical emergency (or non-emergency, since even Space Traffic Controllers had to use the bathroom). While you and Quebec weren’t always on shift at the same time, the shifts that you shared with him were by far your favorite. You’d never met in person, nor seen his face, nor even knew his real name, only his call name (Quebec Kilo). But other than that, you knew everything about each other. It wasn’t against any rules for STCs to know each other’s names, but since you only ever used call names on shift, it was pretty pointless to give out your real names.
The landing dock had two towers facing each other, and while they technically did have windows so you could see outside at the approaching spacecraft, even when the lighting was perfect, you could make out no more than a fuzzy, shadowy outline of a person in the window opposite you.
“What did you bring for dinner?”
“Don’t tell me you’re eating your dinner already.” His voice was clearly exasperated.
You hurried to swallow the chip in your mouth before replying. “No…”
“I can hear the food in your mouth.”
“Just a snack!”
“And now you’re going to get hungry again right after dinner and have to go to the vending machine down the hall for another snack and leave me alone with everything.”
“For like five minutes.”
“Remember when that Class-III Tanker came in for an emergency docking while you were on a snack break?”
“Remember every single other time when that didn’t happen, and it was perfectly uneventful?”
He kept his mic on to sigh directly into it, letting you know exactly how he felt. “Just go ahead and eat all of your dinner, why don’t you?”
“Maybe I will,” you bickered back.
“I just brought a rice ball from the convenience store in Sector II,” he answered your question anyway. “And an iced tea.”
“You like to warm your rice balls up or do you eat them cold?”
“I’ve got a salmon one today.”
“Question still stands.”
“Who eats warm salmon and mayo rice balls?”
“Plenty of perfectly normal people.”
He laughed, his disgust from earlier fading away. “You warm up your salmon and mayo onigiri, don’t you?”
“What’s weird about that?” You immediately defended yourself.
“Nothing, I suppose,” he gave in. “I’ve just never thought to try it. Pork, sure. Beef, absolutely. Salmon or tuna? Never.”
“You should try it today. I know that tower has a microwave.”
“Our towers are exactly the same.”
“Almost.”
“What are you leaving me this time? And where?”
You tried to imagine his grin, despite knowing nothing about what he looked. You had decided long ago that he had dimples, one deeper than the other, because that was obviously cuter. And probably straight teeth, since he spoke like he was well educated, which meant his family probably had the money to afford braces if he needed them.
“You’ll find out,” you replied in a sing-songy voice, having already stashed various gifts somewhere around the office. Days in the towers were long and boring, so you’d been teaching yourself more and more complicated origami, always leaving pieces in hiding spots around the tower for Quebec to find the next time he was in there.
The ten STCs were split into two teams of five. Since the station was so large, it was a chore to commute back and forth between the towers every shift. So, each team of five was assigned to one tower, then you’d swap every two months. This meant that your cabin also moved every two months to the opposite side of the station, but you didn’t mind—crew cabins were impersonal and barebones anyway, and different sectors had different offerings in the convenience stores, cafeteria, food court, and just different people. It was a change in scenery even if you were still stuck in the same corner of space.
“And what do you have for dinner, Zu?” He hummed, imitating your tune.
“Well, I just finished my chips,” you sighed with disappointment, tossing the wrapper away. “They were salt and vinegar. But I still have some fruit—honeydew, it’s my favorite—and a leftover sandwich from the caf from yesterday.”
“The fruit—is it imported? From Earth?”
You scoffed. “Pfft! I can’t afford that! You know how much we make! Wait—Unless you’re making more than me. Bec, are you making more than me?”
“No, no, no,” he reassured you with a laugh. “I just thought you might have saved up, since it’s your favorite.”
“It’s my favorite, but I still can’t justify spending that much on something that I’m just going to digest.” You shook your head. “Ag-bubble-grown is perfectly fine for me, thanks.”
“Practical.”
“It’s what I grew up eating. I don’t have a spoiled palate.”
“Like I said, practical.”
A blip appeared on one of your screens, at the same time that all the information on the craft appeared on the screen beside it. “It’s that civilian craft we’ve been waiting for,” you said. “Rock paper scissors?”
“Because that’s always been great via audio,” Quebec chuckled.
“Hundredth time’s the charm.”
“Rock paper scissors, shoot—Rock!” “Paper!”
“See?” He said pointedly, and you imagined him rolling his eyes. “The person who says it always has the disadvantage because of the delay.”
“No, I think you almost had me that time. Really.”
He sighed and cleared his throat, which you took as your cue to turn your mic off. There was another distinct crackle of him turning his outgoing signal on before he started speaking to the incoming spacecraft.
“Space Traffic Control to civilian Sparrow, November-One-One-Niner-Six-Whiskey. Do you copy?”
“Civilian Sparrow November-One-One-Niner-Six-Whiskey, we copy, Space Traffic Control.” The voice of the pilot was even more garbled than yours and Quebec’s, typical not only of civilian spacecraft, but judging by how short the N number was, he had a much, much older craft as well. There had been so many made by now that some N numbers were over 10 characters long and included letters too. After the initial identification was made, the N number would typically be abbreviated to the last three characters to save time, unless another craft was in the area with a similar N number. “We are approaching your portside slightly positive on your z-axis, but we’ll sort that out before we get there, about five minutes out. Do we have permission to land?”
“Control to Sparrow, you are all clear for landing. We’ll see you in a bit.”
“Roger-dodger. Thanks, Control. Fair winds. Sparrow over.”
“Fair winds,” Quebec echoed. “Control over.”
Quebec had hardly turned off his outgoing feed when you caught another blip on your screen, this one you weren’t expecting, approaching quickly. You frowned as Quebec cursed under his breath, the information on the spacecraft once again reading out underneath the information on the Sparrow. This was also a civilian craft, slightly larger than the Sparrow, and definitely newer, the N number at least 10 digits long by the look of it.
“Space Traffic Control to civilian Hummingbird, November-Zero-India—”
“Yeah, copy,” the pilot of the new spacecraft cut Quebec off.
“I need to finish identifying your craft,” he said through gritted teeth. “Civilian Hummingbird, November-Zero-India-Zero-Zero-Seven-Four-Two-Zero-Juliet-Foxtrot-Niner-Eight-Delta. Do you copy?”
There was a long bout of silence, so Quebec asked again, “Hummingbird Niner-Eight-Delta, do—”
“Yeah, I copy, didn’t you hear me the first five times?” The pilot was clearly irritated now, and so were you and Quebec.
“Were you holding the button to turn your mic on the first five times?” Your coworker asked.
“I’m landing in like, two minutes. It’s clear, right?”
“No.”
“What?!”
“We don’t have your flight on file, and there’s another spacecraft that did put their landing request in ahead of time that we’re expecting to land within the next five minutes. So, no,” Quebec reiterated with no sympathy. “Do an orbit. An eccentric one.”
The pilot sputtered indignantly before declaring, “This is an emergency!”
“All readings from your vessel indicate that it’s in perfect condition. Brand new, even. What is the nature of your emergency? Please give us specific details so we can assist.”
You, meanwhile, were glad that your mic was muted, because you were keeled over at your desk laughing, wiping at the tears being forced from your eyes.
Clearly unable to think of a specific emergency scenario, the Hummingbird pilot gave up. “Fine! I’ll orbit and land in ten minutes.”
“We will process your landing request and let you know if you have permission to land.” There was no response from the pilot, but Quebec nevertheless said, “Control over.”
“Hummingbird over,” he finally replied, not hiding how peeved he was.
The dot signifying the Hummingbird changed course, beginning an oblong orbit around the space station that would thankfully take it out of the path of the incoming Sparrow.
“Asshole,” Quebec muttered over your internal frequency.
“Just because we’re not near any major planet doesn’t mean they can show up unannounced and expect to land whenever they want,” you scoffed. “Nobody seems to get that we’re the last station around for light-years, so everybody stops in. Which is why they’re trying to land in the first place.”
“You would think they’d think about that, but no,” he sighed. “Everybody assumes nobody exists outside their own ship. Including us. We’re just disembodied voices to them.”
“I wonder how many people think they’re talking to an automated system when they talk to us.”
“Lots, I’m sure.”
A few minutes later, the Sparrow landed with no issues, and you waved to the quaint ship of various patchwork panels of tan and browns as it came in, despite the pilot being unable to see you. It was just something you liked to do.
“Bec?”
“Yeah, Zu?”
“You want me to let the Hummingbird know their landing has been approved?”
He groaned. “No, but better you than me.”
You snickered, composing yourself right before turning your external comms on, establishing a connection to the Sparrow with a flick of a switch. “Space Tower Control to civilian Hummingbird Niner-Eight-Delta, do you copy?”
“Where’s the other guy?” The pilot asked, surprise evident in his tone. He was clearly ready for a round two.
“Control to civilian Hummingbird Niner-Eight-Delta, do you copy?” You repeated in your most neutral, artificial customer service voice.
“As long as he stays gone,” he grumbled. His time-out imposed by Quebec had clearly done him no good. “Yeah, this is civilian Hummingbird Niner-Eight-Delta. I copy, Control.”
“Your landing request has been approved. In the future, please submit your landing requests at least twelve standard Earth hours prior to arrival in non-emergency cases.”
“Yeah, whatever.”
“What’s your ETA, Hummingbird?”
“1743.”
“Copy. Fair winds, Hummingbird. Control over.”
“Fair winds,” he repeated unenthusiastically. “Hummingbird over.”
The Hummingbird was of course a sleek ship, slightly larger than the Sparrow in size, but all smooth, thin, long shapes and a glossy scarlet red paint job with chrome accenting. You flipped it off as it glided by to dock with the space station.
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After coming back from your late-night vending machine break, you catapulted yourself back into your rolly chair with enough momentum to roll back up to your station with no extra movements needed. Putting your headset back on, you announced into your mic, “I’m back!”
“No disasters,” Quebec reported dryly. “This time.”
“You’re never gonna let me live that down, huh?” You clicked your tongue.
“No.”
“Anyway, I got cookies, in case you were curious,” you told him cheerily. “And information!”
“What sort of information?”
“There was a paper on the bulletin board by the vending machine advertising skiing lessons on Nixu for this upcoming snow season. Starts in just a couple months. You know what that means?”
“We’re about to get all their tourists coming through here on their way to go ski and snowboard and whatever else,” he sighed. “For the next three Nixiun years.”
“Yup!” You confirmed through your bite of cookie. “How many standard years is that? Five? Ten?”
“Too many.”
“Well, Nixiun summer was peaceful while it lasted. For the whole six months.”
“God, have we really been working here for that long?”
“We started within a couple weeks of each other, I think. My one year’s coming up.”
“My one year was a few days ago.”
“Aw, and you didn’t tell me?” You gasped in betrayal. “I would’ve done something!”
“It’s fine, Zulu. I think I was on shift with Pops anyway.” Pops—another one of the Space Traffic Controllers on your team, an older man who happened to be assigned the call name Golf Papa (shortened to Pops).
“Yeah, but you and me are like—” You gesticulated wildly as you scrambled for the right word. “You know?”
“No, not really,” he laughed. “I need you to elaborate a little bit more.”
“We’re Quebec and Zulu, you know? Bec and Zu.” You could see your pout in the reflection of the glass window as you looked out at Quebec’s control tower across from you. “I know we’re all close but you and me are like extra. Right?”
“Yeah, you’re right,” Quebec agreed without a hint of sarcasm or jest. “When’s your one year? I want to make sure I don’t miss it.”
“In six days. I expect fireworks,” you teased.
“I’ll see what I can do.”
“We’re working together that day, I think.” You pulled up the schedule on your computer connected to the ship’s intranet. “Yeah, the 1600 to 2400 shift again. It’s starred, we’re going to have a VIP that shift.”
“What about the day before?”
You hummed as you looked it over. “Wednesday… I’m off, and you are on the 2400 to 0800 shift with Uni. You have a lot of time between shifts on Wednesday and Thursday at least. Ooh… never mind.”
“What?”
“You’ve got alt shifts Tuesday-Wednesday. You’re on 0800 to 1600 Tuesday with Uni.”
With 8-hour shifts and two controllers needing to be on shift at a time, your supervisors tried to give you at least two shifts—16 hours—off between when you were scheduled to allow for adequate rest and downtime. Being scheduled for alternating shifts, on, off, then back on (or god forbid, double shifts), was a nightmare for trying to get any rest, errands, or other personal time in.
“Let me see this,” he mumbled, presumably pulling it up on his own monitor. A few moments later, he groaned. “Kill me now.”
“Hey, I’ve got the 1600 shift Tuesday with Indy,” you scoffed. “I’ll kill you if you kill me.”
“Ah, he’s not so bad…”
“You interact with him for all of five minutes when you swap, I have to deal with him for the whole eight hours.”
“Our crew quarters are near each other, actually. We’ve grabbed lunch.”
You clutched your chest as your jaw dropped in horror. “I thought we were friends, Bec, and now I find out you’ve grabbed lunch with my archnemesis?”
“Normal people don’t have archnemeses, Zu.”
“Well I—” A blip popped up on your screen and you quickly switched your comms over to address the incoming ship. “Space Traffic Control to military Wasp, Kilo-Five-Five-Eight. Do you copy?”
Military ships didn’t have N numbers like civilian crafts, instead they had a much shorter ID number. The first letter indicated the classification of the vessel, while the numbers after were unique to that ship.
“Military Wasp Kilo-Five-Five-Eight to Space Traffic Control, we copy,” the pilot replied automatically. “We’re not looking to dock, just requesting a conditions report.”
“Nothing major in the past twenty-four hours and nothing expected in the next forty-eight. Sending the full specs to your ship now,” you said, quickly doing so on your computer.
A few moments later, she confirmed, “Received. Thanks, Control. We’ll be heading out now.”
“Fair skies. Control over.”
“And following seas. Wasp over.”
It seemed a bit silly to you when you started as an STC, to say an old Naval blessing every time you ended a conversation with someone, considering that you were in space so there were no skies or seas to speak of. But soon it became second nature to you. You found that most civilians just echoed ‘fair skies’ back to you, but military personnel would actually complete the phrase.
As soon as you had turned your outgoing feed off, you got right back into it with Quebec, closing your eyes and putting a hand over your chest as you went on with your impassioned opinion, “I think having an archnemesis livens things up. Especially around here.”
“I thought that’s what I was for?” He teased.
“Do you want to be my archnemesis instead?”
“Could be fun.” You imagined him shrugging with a lopsided grin on his face. “Are you taking applications?”
“Only for you.”
“Ooh, I feel so special.”
“Yeah, well I’m tired of wasting time and brainpower on Indy of all fucking people.” You kicked your feet up on the desk, eyes focused on the other tower now as you grinned at it. You always left shifts with Quebec with sore cheeks. “I need someone more on my level anyway.”
“Are you saying if I become your archnemesis then you’ll think about me all the time?” His voice curled around your ear, still playful but not quite the same friendly banter as before. You weren’t sure when it started, but there were moments like this, between your taunting, and poring your hearts out to each other, and rousing games of audio rock-paper-scissors, and actual work, that the mood… shifted.
You bit the tip of your thumb to keep from literally screaming, taking a second to compose yourself before answering. “Mm… maybe.”
“Because then you’re already my archnemesis.”
Muting your mic, you then literally screamed and pumped your fist into the air victoriously. After a deep inhale, you turned your mic back on, unable to contain your giddiness in your one-word question, “Really?”
A hand landed on your shoulder, and you let out an embarrassing yelp directly into the mic, whipping around to see the STC who was taking the next shift from you. “Fucking—Delta! What the fuck, man?”
Quebec was now laughing directly in your ear over the headset, and you took one ear off to hear what Delta said back to you.
“I’ve been here for the past two minutes. I thought you saw the light.” He indicated to the red light above your station that flashed when someone opened the door to your tower. You must’ve had your eyes shut when Delta came in and missed the signal. Delta looked entirely unamused and a little disgusted as he looked down at you, continuing, “Anyway, I’m ready and I can’t listen to you and Quebec do… whatever that is anymore.”
Your stomach dropped out of your ass at his words. What the hell did your conversation with Bec sound like to other people? Apparently bad. You barely knew Delta, only interacting with him during shift hand-offs, and, yeah, he seemed a bit uptight, but still, this was embarrassing.
Quebec was no longer laughing, now coughing and sputtering on the other end of the line too. You meekly put the mic back on the desk and took the headset off, handing it over to Delta. He took disinfectant wipes to the headset, waving them in the air for the solution to dry before putting them on and taking the seat which you had just vacated. You shuffled over to the table by the door where your bag was, as well as the IN/OUT log, which you signed before hurrying out.
Returning to the hall where your crew cabin was, you walked by an open door and stopped to poke your head in, beaming at the woman sitting on her bunk. “Hey, Uni!”
“Hey, Zulu,” the STC on your team—Uniform Lima was her full call name—lifted her hand in greeting. “Just get off shift?”
“Yeah, I was going to grab something to eat and head to the gym before sleeping. Want to come?”
“I already worked out, but I could eat,” she agreed.
“Let me get out of my jumpsuit then we can go. You pick.”
Indy was the only STC who was a gym rat to your knowledge, but being in space, working out and supplements were just a fact of life in order to prevent muscle atrophy and other deterioration of your body. You were used to it, having spent plenty of time on spaceships growing up. Going to the gym with a buddy made the mandatory exercise regimen go by a lot quicker.
After changing into casual clothes appropriate for the gym, you grabbed Uni and headed out. She was a few years older than you, not nearly Pops’ age, but you knew she had been here for a little while before you started. Uni was a tall woman, tall enough that you had to crane your neck a little to look up at her, with dark black hair that she kept cropped close to her head. There were a few premature specks of grey at the back, which you never mentioned to her in case she hadn’t noticed.
“You were on shift with Quebec today?” She asked casually.
“Hm? Oh, yeah,” you answered. “You… checked the schedule?”
“Just to see when I was working. You had your dopey little smile on, so I figured.”
You covered your mouth with both your hands, squinting at her over them. “What are you talking about?”
“No, I think it’s cute. You guys are so cute when you talk about each other.”
“He talks about me?!”
She burst into laughter, fondly patting the top of your head. “Gotcha.”
“You’re mean,” you huffed, swatting her hand away. “Mean and awful and a liar—”
“I wasn’t lying!” You friend defended herself. “He does talk about you when we’re on shift. And it is very cute, too. I just also gotcha by bringing it up.”
The two of you had arrived at the food court that never closed, and she started towards one of the options. You followed, not caring where you ate right now, and also desperately needing to continue this conversation.
“What does he say, Uni?” You pleaded, shaking her by the arm as you got in the short line. Time was pretty meaningless on a space station in the middle of nowhere, constantly getting travelers arriving and departing, so people ate whenever they pleased. The only ones who tended to keep a pretty regular schedule were the crew—except STCs, of course.
“He talks about you the most, out of all the STCs. It’s always Zulu this, Zu that. He knows we’re friends, so he asks about how you’re doing if you guys haven’t been scheduled together for a while, stuff like that.”
You dug your toe into the metal panel under you as you thought about it. Suddenly, your friend was pinching your cheek and cooing at you, “Cute!”
“Uni!” You whined and smacked her hand away, cradling your now-tender skin. She laughed as the two of you shuffled up in line.
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The days all tended to blur together on the space station if you weren’t careful. Time was pretty meaningless in the middle of nowhere with no seasons or daylight to give your body cues. STCs mostly relied on shifts and tower cycles as units of time—the duration of a shift, and how long you were assigned to one tower before you moved to the opposite side of the station.
You were back on shift with Quebec, and so far, it had been a busy one. You’d barely had time to breathe between arrivals and departures, much less chitchat. Finally, during what seemed to be a lull, you pulled out your bag of food from your bag.
“Alright, that’s it,” you huffed. “I’m eating dinner.”
“What do you have tonight?” He asked.
“Didn’t have time to run to the convenience store today so it’s just some snacks and stuff I had in my room. Might have to make a vending machine run, sorry.”
“Look in the minifridge.”
“What? Did you rig it to explode?” You pushed your rolling chair back to grab the edge of the fridge, pulling the door open to peer inside.
“You’ll just have to find out.”
A plastic container greeted you, and you grabbed it, already spotting something green inside. Setting it and your mic back down on your desk, you took the lid off with a pop, eyes bugging out of your head as you looked at the green and white cubes. The color and shine alone told you that these weren’t grown in an ag-bubble, these were imported straight from Earth.
“Quebec…” You breathed out in awe. “You did not.”
“You can’t justify spending that much on something you’re going to digest, but I can,” he replied kindly. “Go ahead, eat. Happy one year at the station.”
“I didn’t even remember that was today,” you admitted.
You grabbed a cube between your fingers, not bothering to find utensils. The best part was licking your fingers after, in your opinion. The fruit was juicy and sweet, no bitterness from the rind at all, and so much more flavor than ag-bubble fruit could ever develop. You felt tears well up in your eyes, embarrassingly.
“God, it’s so good. Thank you,” you mumbled through your half-eaten honeydew. “I wish I could share it with you right now.”
“No, don’t worry about me,” he said, and you heard a faint pop of another plastic lid opening on his end of the line. “They were selling it by weight. I had them send some to your tower and some to mine.”
You smiled at the tower across the landing dock. “We are sharing it right now.”
“Yeah, we are.”
“Have you ever been on a picnic, Bec? Like, a real one, outside on a blanket with a picnic basket on the grass with fresh air and food and your friends and family?”
“Once, when I was really little. I don’t remember much about it. My mom showed me a picture,” he mused. “Have you, Zu?”
“No, never. I was born on a mining colony. Never breathed fresh air in my life, or been to Earth. Always been in ships, stations like this, or firmaments.” Firmaments—man-made structures on the surface of planets whose conditions were not naturally habitable for humans. Within the firmaments, the air quality, pressure, temperature, and planet’s surface could be regulated in order to allow for human survival. The actual mining typically happening outside of the firmaments, however, and that was only one reason that it was so dangerous—and lucrative.
“What about your parents?”
“They weren’t born on Earth either, never saw the big deal about going to visit.” You shrugged, popping another piece of melon in your mouth. “What about you?”
“My parents were born on Earth. They wanted me to be born there too, but I came a little early while they were on a trip to a nearby resort planet. The closest hospital was on its moon…”
“Did you grow up on Earth then?”
“Visited after I was born, went back and forth for a good bit of my childhood, but my parents just liked traveling too much to stay in one place.”
“My family moved around a lot too. Mining pays good, but you have to move with the materials. There’s always some hot new mineral in vogue that’s paying more than the last thing everyone wanted. You never want to stick around until a mine dries up.”
“How long does that take? Like, how much did you move around?”
“Depends. Sometimes we were there for a few weeks or months, sometimes years.”
Quebec was quiet for a moment, and you took the opportunity to eat two more pieces of honeydew. Then, he said, “Zulu?”
“Yeah?”
“Why did you take this job? All the way out here?”
“I didn’t want to work in the mines with my parents my whole life. Saw the opening and figured I might as well give it a go,” you answered simply. “What about you?”
“Kind of similar. More desperate, I think,” he admitted. “I was in med school, actually, and I was absolutely miserable. Just at rock fucking bottom. I told my parents I was going to quit and they said I couldn’t unless I either enrolled in law school, or got a job. This was the first one I found.”
You blinked, watching the dark dot in the window across from you. “Wow. I don’t think you’ve ever told me that.”
“Haven’t talked to anybody about it since coming here.”
“Why’d you ask me that then? You had to have figured I would’ve turned the question back on you.”
“I… don’t think I knew I was going to tell you that until I said it.”
“You know you can always talk about whatever with me, Bec.”
“I know,” he replied warmly. “Same for you. I’m all ears.”
“So you quit med school, took the first job you could find and just happened to find something you liked doing?”
“No,” he chuckled. “I did not take to being an STC at all initially. I wanted to quit after my first week. I was on this stupid station in the middle of nowhere starting all over again at a job that paid considerably less than the surgeon I was supposed to be. I was miserable, and lost, and kept thinking that they were right and I should just put my head down and be a doctor or a lawyer or whatever. It felt like I could’ve disappeared from the universe and nobody would notice.” He sighed, and you felt your heart twist in your chest. “Then during my second week, another new STC started, and we ended up on a shift together. And you said—there’s no way you remember this, Zulu, it’s so… but—What do you remember about that shift?”
You rifled through your memories desperately for something, anything specific, but came up empty. “Not much, I mean, it was like my second one, I think. So I was still pretty nervous about doing everything right, and I remember meeting you, but I don’t think we even talked much outside of small talk, right?”
“That’s great. I mean it, I love that you’re just like this, that you weren’t trying to do it,” he laughed with his whole chest, and you smiled fondly, not feeling like he was laughing at you at all. “Anyway, it was pretty dead that shift, and in one of the quiet times, you got on the mic and you told me to look outside. I thought there was a ship or something going on. But then you said, ‘I’ve never seen these stars before.’ Which made me realize I hadn’t even looked at the stars since arriving at the station. At the end of the shift, you said, ‘Talk to you next time, Quebec.’ And I decided ‘sure, I’ll stick around until next time, see what else she’ll say.’” His words made you snicker softly, and he continued, “And then you just kept saying these little, interesting things, or things that made me smile for the first time in years, or you’d ask questions and let me talk about whatever I wanted… I kept putting off quitting until I wasn’t half-bad at being an STC and didn’t hate living at the station anymore.”
“Bec…” You murmured, fidgeting with the wire of your headset. “Do—”
A dot popped up on your monitor then, and Quebec said, “Ah, there’s the ambassador.”
Because of where you were in space, the last station for a very long while along the intergalactic travel routes in this region, it wasn’t unusual for you to receive special arrivals. Politicians, ambassadors, military leaders, celebrities, you’ve seen a lot in your one year as an STC. Today, an ambassador from Earth was stopping over on their way to an intergalactic peace conference. You and Quebec had received the briefing for the landing in advance to your crew emails, so the ship information that appeared along with the dot was already familiar to you. When the VIPs were of this caliber, all of the higher-ups on the ship would be at the docking port to greet them. The protocols for landing were also slightly different, meaning that having two STCs was necessary for much of it.
“Space Traffic Control to military Heavy, Papa-Zero-Four-Niner. Do you copy?” Quebec took over the initial paging.
“Military Heavy, Papa-Zero-Four-Niner to Control, we copy,” the pilot’s voice came back quickly. “Sending out recognition codes…”
An incoming message from the Heavy flashed up on your screen, and you accepted. Quebec read his out first, then you got on the mic to read out your three-number code.
“Great, thanks,” the pilot acknowledged. “Are we clear for landing?”
“Yes,” Quebec confirmed.
The two of you seamlessly worked through the pre-landing protocols with the Heavy’s pilot. Finally, you just had to wait for the craft to get closer before you could begin the next phase: landing. The pilot dropped off the comms momentarily to address something internally, promising to get back on when it was time to begin the landing. That just left you and Quebec again.
“Wonder why they even keep having these intergalactic peace conferences,” he mused. “They only invite the factions that are already at peace, never the ones with any tension.”
“It’s symbolic, I guess,” you shrugged. “Maybe they talk about how to go about achieving peace with the ones that aren’t there? Or to promote continued peace among the ones that are there?”
“It’d probably be worse to stop at this point, huh?”
“Yeah, might not look good if they stopped holding the intergalactic peace conference that’s been going on for the past couple decades.”
“Still, Th’irin always has something to say about—” A heavy clunk punctuated the end of his words, followed by silence. Not fuzzy silence, like when the mic was on but the person on the other end was quiet. Dead silence, like the mic had been shut off entirely.
“Bec?” You said uncertainly. Someone must have come into his tower, and he was addressing them off-mic.
When he still hadn’t responded a minute later, even to tell you to hold on or wait a minute, you started getting nervous. Sitting forward in your seat, you futzed with cover on your microphone as you called into it again.
“Quebec? You there?”
Nothing.
You paged him properly this time, hitting the button to flash the lights in his tower as you enunciated as clearly as possible, “Space Traffic Control Tower One to Tower Two, Quebec Kilo, do you copy?”
At the same time, your hands rushed to send a message to him via the STC system.
[TOWER1: Q? DO YOU COPY?]
Your heartbeat was thudding in your ears as you desperately went to send another message via the ship intranet to your superiors instead. As soon as you had started drafting it, though, you cursed under your breath and deleted it. They would be down at the dock waiting to receive the ambassador, not at their usual stations with monitors ready to receive emergency alerts from the STC towers.
“Military Heavy to Control, do you copy?” The pilot’s voice cut through the sound of your heartbeat, and you banged your fist on the desk in frustration. You quickly went into the system and switched it over to be a dual STC setup on your monitors since Quebec apparently wasn’t going to be able to help.
Turning your outgoing feed back on, you confirmed, “Control to Heavy, we copy.”
Now with both set of STC controls, you had to move twice as fast to input everything and go through the landing protocols with the pilot. All the while, in the back of your mind, the black put of worry in your stomach only grew and grew.
In between operations, you were drafting a new message, this time to the other STCs. You doubted any of them were going to be checking their staff emails not on duty, but you needed some kind of help. It was a succinct SOS, and you had to focus back in on landing the ambassador’s ship again, and sent it off without another thought.
“Your partner’s quiet,” the pilot commented, their tone light, and you knew they meant nothing by it. “Did you guys rock paper scissors for who would take what parts?”
“Mm, yeah,” you forced out a laugh through gritted teeth, smacking the page button for Quebec’s tower again—just in case.
The light in your tower flashed, and your heart nearly exploded with hope that it was Quebec signaling back to you, that something had just gone awry with his mic and he was still there. Then a hand tapped your shoulder, and you were thrown back into despair again.
It was Pops, the lines on his forehead clear as he furrowed his brows in confusion. He held his digipad out to you, your SOS message on it. You held a finger up to gesture for him to wait a moment as you were receiving pertinent information from the pilot.
“Seven-Five, Two-Zero,” you echoed, entering the numbers as you said them. “Copy.”
Taking one ear of your headphones off, you switched your outgoing comms off before immediately rambling, “It’s Quebec! He dropped off the mic like five minutes ago and he’s not answering, Pops!”
The older man held his hands out in a ‘calm down’ motion. “You’re sure he’s not just getting a snack?”
“No, no, he’d tell me! It was in the middle of his sentence, and we’re literally landing an ambassador’s ship right now!” You sputtered out, gesticulating between your controls and the large ship right outside your window. “He wouldn’t just leave! Something’s wrong!”
His jaw set and he gave one solemn nod. “How far are you?”
“The rest is automated now. But I can’t—”
“I’ll monitor,” he cut you off. “You go check on Quebec.”
“He’s all the way—”
“Now, Zulu!”
You shot to your feet and threw your headphones off and onto the desk. Running from the control room, you didn’t even stay to see Pops take over the station like you’re supposed to.
The space station was huge. It was a thirty-minute walk on a good day from one side to the other, but now that you had fully been overtaken by panic, all of the worst-case scenarios playing in your mind, your stomach consuming itself in fear and anxiety crushing your lungs, it felt insurmountable. Probably your only saving grace was the fact that word had gotten around about the ambassador’s arrival, so lots of people were down on the observation decks above the landing bay to watch the ship dock rather than milling through all the halls that you were currently sprinting through. Even the crew-only shortcuts that you had access to—which you knew were faster—felt like agony to wait for. Standing around in the elevators felt like standing in lava despite the fact that you knew they were moving 100x faster than it felt. The crew corridors were narrower, and you cut corners too close, banging your shoulder or elbow a few times. In your impatience, you lost the location of Tower 2 a couple times on the directory when selecting your destination in a transporter, screaming and kicking the wall in frustration. The pain distracted you from all the what-ifs, and grounded you back into this moment, so you didn’t actually mind it much.
You clutched the handles of Tower 2’s elevator so tightly your fingertips went numb, gnawing on your bottom lip until well past the point you tasted blood. Finally, you were at the control room, and you damn near pried the doors open yourself. Pushing yourself through the doors as they opened, you probably bruised your shoulder again, but you hardly registered it.
Under the red light that flashed to announce your arrival, a man was sprawled on the floor between the chair and the control station. You ran over, pulling the chair away to reach him. He was face-down, and you took his headphones off to roll him over.
“Quebec!” You shook his shoulder a little less than gently.
You didn’t immediately see any sign of injury and grabbed his wrist to try to find a pulse. It was faint, but there, and when you put your hand under his nose, you could feel his shallow breaths against your skin. He didn’t rouse, though, and that was when you saw a drop of blood trailing out of his ear.
“Oh, God,” you muttered, scrambling to your feet to lunge for the bright blue medical emergency button by the door. The button lit up, and you ran back to grab his headphones and mic.
“—ation EMTs will be at your location in less than two minutes. Please communicate the nature of your emergency if you’re able,” the dispatcher’s voice requested.
“I just found the STC in this tower passed out. He’s got blood coming out of his ear and he won’t wake up,” you said.
“Do you know how long he’s been in this state?”
“Twenty minutes?”
“Okay. Any sign of injury?”
“No, nothing. He was fine, he was talking and just, I don’t know, collapsed I think!” You didn’t mean to snap at the dispatcher, but you were freaked out by how little you knew.
“Alright, okay. I understand. The EMTs will be there very soon. Can you stay on the line with me in the meantime?”
“Yeah.”
“Who is the patient?”
“An STC—call name Quebec Kilo.”
“And who are you?”
“I’m an STC too. Zulu Echo. We were on shift and he just dropped off the mic in the middle of a landing.”
“Got it, got it.”
“Where the EMTs?” You asked, feeling for Quebec’s breaths again.
“They’re in the elevator now.”
The elevator door opened then, and your throat seized up anxiously. “They’re here. Thank you.”
“I’ll hang up now. Goodbye, Zulu Echo.”
You took the headphones off as the two EMTs swarmed Quebec’s body, watching them start evaluating his vitals with their field scanner.
“We have the information you gave dispatch,” one EMT informed you. “We’re going to take him to the infirmary in this sector.”
You grabbed the edge of the desk to pull yourself to your feet. “I’ll—”
“Elevator isn’t big enough for all of us,” the other informed you regretfully as they had started loading him onto a stretcher. “You can take the next one.”
“Right. I’ll be right behind you.”
You watched them take him out, and as soon as the elevator doors closed behind them, felt your knees buckle under you. Barely catching yourself against the desk, your eyes filled with tears, which you barely saw the flash of a red light through. The elevator wasn’t opening again, though, so you figured it must be a page.
Picking up the headphones and mic, you kept it on the internal system as you croaked, “Pops?”
“Oh, Zulu, there you are,” his relief was evident in his voice. “How is he?”
“Bad, I think,” you confessed, tears slipping down your face. “He was out cold, and there was blood coming from his ear. The EMTs took him—”
“You know where?”
“Sector 2 infirmary.”
“So what are you doing still talking to me?”
“Right. Bye, Pops.”
Your hands were trembling as you set the headphones down on the desk. With a trembling breath, you recalled the elevator. It was empty when you stepped on, and you numbly selected down. The infirmary was close by to the tower, and you wiped your eyes in the hall outside before entering.
It was eerily empty, and your stomach dropped. You dug your nails into your palm to try to get control of yourself again. Finally, a nurse came out of the hallway and into the main hallway where you were, clearly surprised when he spotted you.
“Sorry about that.” He focused a frazzled smile on you. “How can I help you?”
You were sure you were mirroring his expression. “I’m here to see somebody. He should’ve just come in with the EMTs…?”
“Yes, the doctors are working on him.” He pointed over his shoulder. “I’ll take you to where you can wait.”
You were put into a small patient room with a bed and one chair. After pacing for who knows how long, your feet finally got tired enough that you sat down in the chair. You didn’t sit for very long before you were back on your feet, pacing again. That repeated at least three times before you finally heard something from the hall.
Your eyes were already on the doorway when a gurney was pushed in, Quebec laying atop it. Stepping out of the way of the two nurses who transferred him from the gurney to the bed and started hooking him up the monitoring equipment, you were then pulled aside by the doctor who had come in with them.
“Are you a friend?” She asked.
“Yeah, we work together,” you confirmed. “I called it in.”
“Good timing,” she commented lightheartedly. She filled you in on the issue—most of the specifics went over your head, but it didn’t sound good—then gave you the prognosis, “We plugged everything back up. He’ll have a headache for a few days, and needs to take it easy for the next week. But other than that, he’ll be fine.”
“Really?” You couldn’t believe your ears.
“How far medicine has come, huh?” She chuckled. “Something like that would’ve killed him a decade ago. But he can go on like it never happened now.”
You looked over at where Quebec’s eyes were still closed, still unable to calm your panicked heart despite the doctor’s reassuring words and relaxed demeanor. “When will he wake up?”
“An hour or so.” She nodded towards the door. “If there’s nothing else, I’ve got a couple other patients to check on.”
“Oh, go for it.”
“Push the call button if you need anything, or just holler. Small infirmary, someone will hear you.”
With her departure, it was just you and Quebec. You pulled the chair up to his bedside, gathering your knees to your chest in a self-soothing grasp. His heart monitor beeped steadily in the background, and you noticed that his hand was hanging off the bed a little bit, so you reached forward to pick it up and rest it over his abdomen like his other one. There was a small piece of gauze affixed under his ear, and you recognized it as the ear that had been bleeding earlier.
“I’m never letting you live this down, Quebec,” you stated through a sniffle. “Every time you bring up that Tanker showing up while I was at the vending machine, I’m going to bring up you passing out while we were in the middle of landing an ambassador’s ship.”
He continued resting, chest rising up and down.
“So you better wake up soon, so I can start teasing you.” You poked his shoulder before taking your hand back and wrapping your arm around your knees again.
For the first time since you entered Tower 2, you took a moment to process what Quebec actually looked like. Dark brown hair, bangs falling out of the way of his forehead and pieces curling around his ears, and a freckle under his right eyebrow.
You sighed, chewing on the inside of your cheek. Of all the times you’d let yourself daydream about finally meeting Quebec in person, this was absolutely not how it went. Usually, it was something like bumping into each other while you were switching crew cabins, or you just so happened to go to a more centrally located place to eat and started talking to a handsome stranger and found out that it was him. Funny enough, you never thought of actually asking Quebec to hang out off-shift. You were more than happy with what you had, fully content with the knowledge that nobody in the universe knew him better than you, and vice versa. So what if other people knew what he looked like or knew his real name? That never felt important.
Before you realized it, your eyes were fluttering shut, your ears continuing to listen to the rhythm of the vitals monitor. Eventually, a confused grunt caught your attention, and you looked up quickly.
Quebec was hesitantly squinting one eye open, rubbing his other as he seemed to be struggling to adjust to the bright lights in the room. You stayed quiet as you let him wake up a little more and acclimate, getting two eyes open and blinking as he registered first the hospital gown he was wearing and infirmary bed he was laying in, then did a sweep around the room, brown gaze landing on you.
“Hey, Bec,” you greeted him gently, offering a small smile. “How do you feel?”
“Zu?” His voice was hoarse, gaze unblinking as he reached a hand towards you.
“Yeah, it’s me,” you confirmed, taking his hand between both of yours. “You had uhm, a problem. The doctor can explain—But you’re better now.”
He clutched his head, and you winced sympathetically.
“Your head will hurt for a bit, but other than that, all better,” you corrected yourself. “You feel okay?”
He nodded, sitting up a little straighter. “You came all the way here?”
“You passed out in the middle of us landing the ambassador’s ship,” you told him frankly, a hint of teasing in your tone. But your voice wavered as you added, “I was worried sick. Found you on the floor of the tower.”
“Ah, sorry. Thank you.” He squeezed your hand.
“No way I was going to let you die, Quebec. I mean—What if they started putting me with Indy instead?”
He was just staring at you, mouth parted, before a soft smile came across his features, two dimples marking his cheeks. “I knew it.”
“Knew what?” You chuckled nervously.
“That you’d be the most beautiful person I’d ever seen.”
You covered your face as you laughed and shook your head. “Quebec—”
“Kun.”
“What?”
“That’s my real name,” he hummed. “Qian Kun.”
“Kun,” you sighed fondly. “I knew you’d have dimples.”
“What?” He giggled, touching one of his cheeks. “You could hear my dimples?”
“It was a hunch.”
He looked down at the IV in his arm. “They’ve got me on some good stuff.”
“Yeah, they do,” you agreed.
“I mean it, though.”
“Mean what?”
Kun turned over on his side to face you. “You’re beautiful, Zulu.”
You traced the lines of his brows, his freckle, his eyes, his nose, the curve of his smile, his cupid’s bow, and his jaw with your eyes. “Y/N. That’s my name. Y/L/N Y/N.”
He mouthed it to himself first, slowly, then said it aloud, “Y/N. Thank you.”
“I’m really glad you’re okay, Kun.” You pressed a fleeting kiss to his hand that you were still holding. “Really.”
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You kicked your feet up on the desk, tapping your toes in the air along to an imaginary beat. Clicking your internal comms line on, you asked, “So what are you doing after this?”
“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Kun immediately teased back.
“Yeah, that’s why I asked, asshole,” you scoffed.
“Ouch, first day back on the job and this is how I’m treated?”
“Doctor said you’re fine, no need to throw yourself a pity party.”
He laughed, but answered your question nevertheless. “Gym and then dinner. Missed enough required exercise thanks to that little incident I’m going to start withering away.”
“I’ll have to find another archnemesis if you do.”
“So I am your archnemesis.” His grin was audible, and you could perfectly imagine it now, bright and dimpled. “Well, I can’t have you thinking about anybody else.”
You looked over your shoulder before offering, “Want some company?”
“Sure. Sector 1?”
“Damn, you really that afraid of withering away you’re willing to come all the way over here?”
“I was being a gentleman—”
“Wait, your favorite restaurant is in the Sector 1 food court,” you said knowingly. “Would that have anything to do with it?”
“It’s a win-win—you don’t have to come all the way over here, I get to see you…”
“And eat at your favorite spot,” you snickered. “Smart, Bec.”
“I would’ve offered even if I hated all the food in Sector 1, Zu,” he declared dramatically. “Hand on my heart.”
Despite knowing each other’s real names, it was still habit (and technically proper) to use call names on shift. You checked on him every day during his recovery over the past week, so you’d gotten used to calling him Kun as well.
“Uh-huh,” you agreed mildly. “I’ll meet you in the gym at 1630 then.”
“It’s a date.”
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After getting through your mandatory workout for the day, you and Kun meandered over to the Sector 1 food court. Despite your teasing, you also got food from the same restaurant as him. He didn’t move to take a seat in the food court, however, jerking his head for you to follow him. With your bag of food in one hand, you did so, intrigued. Kun apparently had a destination in mind, weaving through the crowds with intention and reaching back to grab your free hand to not lose you.
Soon, you arrived at a crew-only observation deck devoid of other people. You couldn’t recall if you had been to this particular one before, but the door slid shut behind you two and the sounds of the rest of the ship faded away. This particular deck was pointed directly at a large plasma cloud, glowing with energy and all sorts of swirling pinks, purples, and greens.
“Oh, this is beautiful,” you gushed, sitting on the ledge under the window.
“I like seeing how the cloud has changed whenever I’m in Sector 1,” Kun said, sitting next to you. “It’s different every time.”
You drew your gaze over to him, eyes catching on the faint line under his ear, marking where he’d been operated on just last week. It had healed very fast, of course, as all surgeries now did, and you reached out to touch the skin under it with a fingertip. “Do you feel okay, Kun?”
“Brand new.” He took your hand from the incision and laced your fingers together. “I promise, Y/N.”
“Good.” The two of you ate your dinner like that, hand-in-hand, watching the plasma cloud and stars, sometimes talking, and sometimes in silence. And that was more than enough.
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⤷ masterlist
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TAGLIST
@annenakamura @bee-the-loser @lotties-readings @ppddpjdr @reiofsuns2001 @snowyseungs @tearinka @yoursyuno @yutasputa69 @winkeuu
@classicroyalty @fairvtale @giirlfriendd @shaqs-oatmeal @sofipolii01 @fae-renjun
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icy-writes · 3 days ago
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Lloyd Montgomery and the Four Silver Fangblades of Ourboros
Chapter Eight
Time for a little exploration
“This is one of the few temples built outside of Ouroboros,” Skales said, nodding to the complex in the valley. “To see if being desecrated by the surface-dwellers…”
He let out a snarl that ended in a hiss. One of his eyes pointed straight at a cluster of people at the entrance of the complex.
“I’m sorry,” Lloyd said, watching as the group of people seemed to agree on something and head off in different directions. “No one deserves to have something like this destroyed in any way.”
Skales turned his attention to Lloyd, looking him up and down with narrowed eyes.
“You speak as though you’ve seen desecrated holy ground.”
“My mother’s an archaeologist and anthropologist,” Lloyd said, scuffing his shoe on the ground. “She studies history and places and cultures of civilizations that have long since been destroyed. And she took me along to a lot of the places she would research. A couple of them were places a lot like this.”
He didn’t mention anything about them now being considered photo opportunities nowadays. Mostly for influencers trying to flex their ability to travel wherever they wanted. He didn’t think Skales or any other Serpentine here would understand any of that. Heck, he didn’t understand it.
“You mother sounds wise,” one of the soldiers said.
“I miss my mother,” another piped up.
“She’s back at the den,” said a third. “You’ll see her when we get back.”
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ceedak · 13 hours ago
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can we get a ceedak timeline 🤔 i feel like there’s a lot idk abt them fr 😭😭
yes u absolutely can i could talk about them forever and ever 🥳🥳
disclaimer: i do wanna say this is just from what i’ve gathered because i didn’t become super fixated on nfl rpf until last year </3 one day i’ll do a legit deep dive like an insane person and update with all my findings…
second disclaimer: im delusional yes and a part of me straight up thinks that they’ve had to have hooked up at least once bc i love to psychoanalyze people i'll never meet but i’ll make sure to say when i’m being fully delusional KSDJFHSKDS
putting it under a read more because i’m sure it’ll be much longer than necessary
also i will reblog this and add links to some videos!!
SO before i get into like when ceedee was drafted and such i wanna talk about how invisible string coded they are because i love shit like this sm
both were born in louisiana only about an hour and a half apart from each other until ceedee moved to texas as a child after hurricane katrina hit (he’s said he’s moved around a couple of times as kid in interviews before)
dak went to mississippi st. in college and ceedee’s dream school was LSU (rival colleges… 🚬) but he had committed to oklahoma (also they wouldn’t have met or anything in college anyway because dak was drafted in 2016 and ceedee started playing in college in 2017 but i digress it makes my brain light up anyway lol)
when dak was drafted he was projected to go like late second round/early third round of the draft but 🗿 he got into some trouble beforehand (driving under the influence) and ended up falling to the 4th round (after the front office kept trying to trade up to get a different backup QB)
dak also had to compete for his spot as a backup and was named starter after romo was injured in 2016. this was dak’s rookie year and he led them to the playoffs - almost to the nfc championship game. after this he basically took the job from romo
okay so FAST FORWARD to the 2020 draft. ceedee was projected to go top 10 and he fell all the way to SEVENTEEN so the cowboys were able to grab him then (drafted bpa instead of for need)
idk all of this is just very <333 to me that so many things managed to fall into place just right and they managed to find each other on the same team out of THIRTY TWO teams it makes me weeeep 🤧 also just something else that i think is very cute because i truly am a little insane: ceedee was born april 8th and dak’s jersey number is 4 and ceedee’s is 88 so 4/8 ALL THE DOTS CONNECT SOMEHOW…
so we’ll go through a teensy bit about dak i suppose and then ceedee this won’t be too long
dak: baby of his family and has two brothers. his parents divorced when he was little and he was very close with his mom before she passed away in 2013 (he’s started a foundation since then for cancer research and suicide prevention/mental health). went to mississippi st, cowboys starter his rookie year, etc etc. he also lost his brother to suicide in 2020 and he’s said before he feels a responsibility to live on and carry his and his mom’s legacy throughout his life. he’s like suuuuuper underrated in the league i feel and a lot of cowboys fans are complete assholes to him all the time it makes me so mad cos they could literally never ever make me hate him - he makes me so weepy 😭😭😭 umm but yeah he’s donated a ton to children cancer funds too and donated during BLM protests and things like that - he won the walter payton man of the year award. he just had a baby and got engaged in october (remember for the yaoi LOL) ok im gonna stop here cause i don’t wanna rant too much lol
btw i know what you are dak prescott:
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ceedee: MY BELOVED… my favorite my absolute favorite. he has two brothers and two little sisters. idk if he’s the eldest or not tbh i see different things all the time that he’s the second eldest whatever not that important i guess. so blah blah college blah blah - he wears 88 on the team because that’s considered really special to the cowboys franchise and is reserved for elite receivers. idk he’s the most beautiful man ever and he does a lot of donating too - i know he participates in a lot of football youth camps a lot to help kids out and he likes to provide meals to families around thanksgiving and christmas time. a loooot of cowboys fans have criticized him for not being that much of a leader and pouting a lot on the sidelines (which he does sometimes… my mimir) but i think this last season he’s reaaaaallyyy taken a step into more of a leader type position especially with dak being out and he’s proven himself more than enough. he LOOOVES spending money on clothes it’s so cute… gonna be a sad day when the class war happens and i’m faced with cedarian lamb. ummm i also legit think he’s gay and closet is made of glass but whatever
see this is the problem i never stfu but okay CEEDAK what you actually asked about ksjdksjdks
PRE-2020 SEASON: this was before ceedee was drafted (some stuff i found last night) and this is what i mean when i say i haven’t done like a deep dive into these things bc i’m sure there’s soo much more but this kinda gives the general vibes
“I was like a little kid at the playground,” CeeDee tells us. (on the first time Dak texted him to invite him over to his house, says it was surreal.) august 21, 2020
and i actually hunted the exact clip down where he says this: (will reblog with link - skip to 4:25 he talks for like a minute or so - sorry the audio’s funky it’s because of covid so all the reporters weren’t in the room i’m pretty sure) DELUSIONS: you can’t tell me ceedee wasn’t nursing a crush here idgaf
2020 SEASON:
ceedee’s rookie year
personal stuff happened with dak before the season started - this is when he lost his brother to suicide and he’s been really outspoken about mental health since then. on top of that he broke his ankle during week 5 of the season (and tried to snap it back into place by himself on the field). dak was performing on like a sort of insane level before the injury happened so </3 what could’ve been and all that… the what-ifs of it all… so that year they weren’t able to play together as much
Oct 11, 2020: “CeeDee Lamb said he texted Dak as soon as he got out of the shower. Thanked him for everything he’s done for him and they were gonna hold it down for him until they see him on the field again.” (after the game dak got hurt in)
POST 2020 SEASON:
"He came back from his second surgery about two months ago so he’s walking around, rehabbing, doing everything right," Lamb said Wednesday. "It’s great to see, especially when you seen him go down. You saw the look in his eyes and you saw how sad he was and how much this game meant to him. Just to see him smiling again, happy again, being with his guys is a great deal."
"First day he kind of caught me by surprise with his arm strength," Lamb said. "He knows the little nuances of the game to be better. He makes it easy to follow him, if you will."
2021 SEASON
ceedee’s second year, he was in a WR room with amari cooper (currently on the bills) and michael gallup (now retired) blah blah season happened whateverrrr but AFTER this season the front office (i’ll always be mad about this lol) traded amari to the browns for a 5th round pick 💀 hence THIS!!! which i consider the #Real beginning of ceedak:
“Dak Prescott asked for CeeDee Lamb’s locker to be moved next to his: ‘My two other locker mates left, so I was a little lonely. With him being young, hopefully he’s my WR until I’m done playing. Just bring him closer, more conversations, he’s right there to talk and communicate.’”
said he had no doubt ceedee could become his "main guy"
here’s some fun stuff i found from 2021 too
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t3hCmIZN-YI&ab_channel=DallasCowboys (7 min mark this was after a game winning td in overtime against new england)
“CeeDee Lamb on game-winning 35-yard TD: ‘It was the best feeling ever, honestly.’”
2022 SEASON:
https://youtu.be/T73xGDsFiVo?si=Qn_dwK1yfnHPiMya talks about dak here at 7:50 “all i need is him” 🤧
he’s actually said this a couple times lol he says shit like “we’re all we got” about each other - he’s said it this most recent season too so <3
dak injured his thumb this season though so he was out for like 7 weeks i think i can’t remember off the top of my head lol but again another season where they didn’t get to play much together
fun 2022 stuff:
“Last year, Cowboys caked Dak in the face on the field for his 28th birthday. On his 29th today, CeeDee told us they planned to do the same in the locker room. Hoped Dak would think he was safe after no cake on the field, and then locker room ambush.”
“Scene here: Dak was talking to us at his locker. CeeDee walks past wearing metallic red lens sunglasses indoors and eating chicken. Says the key to following up ass-kicking is ‘keep kicking ass.’”
“Dak on CeeDee’s vibe: Yeah, cool as hell - says ‘keep kicking ass’ while he’s eating.”
“Dak Prescott walked by during our interview with CeeDee Lamb - QB1: CeeDee’s that dude! / WR1: Happy birthday, Dak!”
link posted in reblog: skip to 2:30 he almost says he loves dak lol also very
2023: THE SEASON OF CEEDAK!!!
https://youtu.be/7_WRIzb5fPA?si=R0TETc2qtW0IOP5P the infamous "was gonna take him out for dinner tonight" clip is from this aka what got me hooked on ceedak lol (this interview is just so good in general i love ceedee sm - def recommend watching! such a nice look at his personality)
this is where my delusions take over i deadass think they hooked up at LEAST once around this time lol maybe end of 2022 season maybe early 2023 season IDK but anyway during this year the offense was soo wack for a couple of weeks until the bye week and then ceedee made some noise about it bc he felt like he wasn't being as utilized (which is true i'm so serious mccarthy was SUCH an annoying coach lol) but quotes:
“Cowboys WR CeeDee Lamb said Dak Prescott approached him and said: ‘If you have a problem with anything, just come up to me and we’ll talk about it.’ Lamb said he and Dak worked on getting on the same page their first day back in the building after the 49ers loss.”
Dak: ‘I mean, a frustrated player that feels like we all could’ve done better and feels like he can change the game, I understand it. I really do. So it’s in the sense of just communicating with him… CeeDee is a guy that I’ll never lose confidence in and trust who he is and understand why he’s frustrated. But at the end of the day, he’s a leader. It’s about him leading other guys and picking other guys up and him just trying to make sure we’re all pushing our best. That’s where the frustration is, we have to remove that. And he will. He’s a young player that’s growing by the day and he’ll only get better. He’ll be better because of that.’
but after they switched the offense around dak and ceedee went craaaazyyy - ceedee was named all pro, dak was in mvp talks (should have won it to be honest i'm sorry lamar i still love you <3) but 2023 cowboys will seriously haunt me forever lol
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sudQu72KDXs&ab_channel=NFLonFOX
DELUSIONS: dak announced he was having a baby like two weeks after this game SO let’s just say…. maybe…. perhaps… they were hooking up… ceedee probably knew before the public did - not saying that’s why he seems a little upset at the beginning of this clip cause who knows 🤷‍♀️ like i said DELUSIONS but… i can’t help it when the timeline timelines don’t shoot the messenger
also i do wanna mention that dak’s fiance follows a loooot of cowboys players on ig but she does not follow ceedee and he doesn’t follow her AGAIN just delusions…. but… iykyk 👀
sooo they were poppin off in 2023, ceedee was breaking records and shit, won nfc east, went to the playoffs and then i DON'T wanna talk about it i have my theories about wtf happened during that playoffs packers game but 💀💀 anyway the offseason before the 2024 season was genuinely the worst of my life because BOTH ceedee and dak had to get extended and jerry jones (who is the worst) waited until after training camp to get them both signed lol so ceedee wasn't participating in training camp at all which affected them in the beginning of the 2024 season which was a complete mess A MESS but here's some fun stuff after ceedee signed his extension/during that offseason
“Remarkable. That’s who CeeDee Lamb is. … He’s special. He’s just getting going and as long as I’m here, he’s gonna keep stacking these records year after year.”
“CeeDee Lamb strongly defended Dak: No one deserves the criticism that he gets. The way he gets talked about is crazy.”
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2023-2024 OFFSEASON:
worst months of my life lol ceedee was holding out for his new contract and didn’t get it signed until like… august i think? anddd dak was signed fucking three hours before kickoff the first week of the season lol i HATE this front office
but here’s some fun quotes after ceedee was signed:
CeeDee Lamb: “We were texting quite a bit. Obviously I missed being out there, competing with him… for is being so in tune together and all it takes is one text message or one conversation, one phone call… for us both… having the same passion for the game, same love for the game. I want what’s best for Dak and vice versa. Shout out to him too for getting that bag, too. We’ll be together for the next five years.”
Dak Prescott on CeeDee Lamb’s added muscle weight: “He’s wearing a lot more sleeveless shirts. As long as the speed is there, and it looks like it is (in practice), I’m fine with however big he is.” LMAO??
Dak Prescott: “I peeped the biceps. He’s wearing more sleeveless shirts now.”
Dak Prescott recently on CeeDee Lamb: “He’s talented. He works hard. He’s special. He’s the best receiver in the league for a reason. And I’ve seen Instagram videos. I know you’ve seen him. He’s working. And he works hard. So I have no angst, no worries about when he gets here that we’re not going to pick up where we left off. And when you're a stud like that and you’re smart like he is and you’re good at communicating, that makes that process that much easier. So it’s not like we’ve got to build something. We’ve got that. We just got to reignite it when he gets here.”
on how much ceedee worked with dak at the field at dak’s house even though he was staying away from the team: “Often. I would say quite often. Anytime that I’m back in town, and he’s obviously back here, I hit him and then… it’s very… good having a rich quarterback.”
Dak Prescott’s thoughts on the tandem of him and CeeDee Lamb being compared to legendary duos like Joe Montana and Jerry Rice: “I think that says a lot just cause we’ve only done it for four years and you just named some of those duos that did it for their whole careers. But then again, I feel like we can be better than all of them… so love the comparisons, they sound good and all, but hopefully one day people are saying these next duos and next tandems can be like me and CeeDee.” (i will kms over this quote one day)
i’m sure there’s things i’m missing but this is already sooooo long lol so
2024 SEASON:
WORST SEASON OF MY LIFEEEEEE / ceedak angst era
the front office set this team up to fail and let like a ton of players walk in the offseason, didn’t use free agency, injury riddled team, had a bunch of rookies starting but anyway just gonna go game by game really quick because this is when i was locked tf in and it’s more recent so ?? more detail seems alright when it's necessary also i wrote so many half-finished post-game fics this season to cope with how terrible it was i’m cryingggg it was insane
cowboys vs browns: i was at this game :) good game they won
cowboys vs saints: blocked this game out actually!!!
cowboys vs ravens: fake ass comeback also the game ceedee CRASHED OUT on the field lskdjslkdjsskjdsk which is so funny bc i literally love lamar sm and was so excited to watch but… my players wanted to make me MISERABLE
this was said a day or two after the game by ceedee (bc he fumbled during it and then wasn't there for post game media people andddd was yelling at dak on the sideline 🗿)
“Our relationship has, if anything, gotten stronger. Don’t let what, what’s out there fool you. We’re brothers to the end. We know that we all we got, and I tip my hat off to him. I got the utmost respect for him.”
“So with that being said, everything is gonna come out - the energy, the passion, the love, the fight - and then we’ll make up in the end. So no, no craziness now. Don’t.”
dak also said something about his rhythm with ceedee being a “rare feeling” which… okay internalized homophobia but i CANNOT for the life of me find the actual quote i’ve searched through my gallery but it’s not there </3 if i find i’ll add later (i’m pretty sure it was after the baltimore game but i can’t remember)
cowboys vs giants: this is a tremicah game no need to mention ceedak idt - nasty ugly win but whatever
cowboys vs steelers: dak prescott giving me a heart attack 12 fucking times during this game
cowboys vs lions: don’t wanna talk about it! i’m a hater! always will be sorry!!! ben johnson statpadding on my sorry ass terrible team i was SICKKKKK
BYE WEEK: my trials and tribulations…. my nfl rpf…
CeeDee Lamb on getting in some extra work with Dak Prescott during their bye week: “We love our bye weeks. We took advantage of it. We got right. We used every opportunity to get better and I feel like it’s going to show. We got on some routes, and obviously the timing is everything. We needed that.”
now ummm this is the week dak got engaged so. which is really funny because after the announcement post on ig ceedee went GHOST on instagramksjdjks like i went back to check because i’m crazy (these are delusions btw) and he had been posting like once a week… maybe once every two weeks PRETTY consistently like for at least a couple of months but after the engagement happened there was pretty much nothing for like… almost two months?? ummm which AGAIN i’m not saying anything i’m not insinuating anything buuuuut…… buuuuut….. also it’s really fucking funny because in this same interview ceedee dropped that he left the country during the bye week but didn’t post it on socials at all so i’m like ohhhh… you’re coping w the engagement… i see LMAO anyway
cowboys vs 49ers: sigghhhh….. lets get into it
SO this was a loss but two ceedee touchdowns.. i’m leaving with something!!!
“Yeah, I found CeeDee,” Prescott said when reflecting back on Lamb’s breakout in the Bay Area. “He did a good job of getting open, running all of his routes hard no matter where he was, if he was the one or if he was backside on a concept. Loved his intentionality in the game. He kind of said something like that to me during the game, midway through the game, like ‘Yeah, we’re back.’ And that was before, I think, his two touchdown drives. So just him even playing with that confidence, communicating that, it gives me a lot of confidence.”
super hopeful right maybe they'll really connect again and things'll be fine LOL
cowboys vs falcons: worst game ever dak tore his hamstring off the bone like a fucking idiot and ceedee sprained his AC joint and would not stop going back out into the game i was ready to kms
cowboys vs eagles: not talking about it idc
cowboys vs texans: loss because ofc but whatever ceedak hugged before the game tho so i didn’t gaf about the loss - i can’t find the clip rn but if i do i’ll post it
cowboys vs commanders: this is when i accepted they were tanking and then they decided to just be elite for whatever reason lol made me so happy though ceedee was so happy <33
cowboys vs giants: whatever
cowboys vs bengals: worst fucking game of my life nothing to do with ceedak but one of my other fave player’s (i also ship him w ceedee idgaf) knee EXPLODED so that was so much fun to deal with
cowboys vs panthers: i still can’t believe bryce young decided to forget how to play football in this game im crying
cowboys vs tampa: again they just wanted to be elite for whatever reason
cowboys vs: eagles: don’t wanna talk about it idc
cowboys vs commanders: WHATEVER thanks for the 12th draft pick ashton jeanty you will be a cowboy
SO. that’s basically where everything's at lmfao worst season EVERRRRR with ceedak ANGST um but yeah hopefully 2025 will be better... i’m cautiously optimistic because their old coach is finally FINALLY gone because he was really limiting them and their ability you know? 2023 season was amazing and then 2024 started and it was like… mccarthy just reverted back to his old scheme that wasn’t working. it was really annoyingksdkskds. but the new coach (despite it seeming like a silly hire) had a decent press conference (that ceedee didn’t attend bc he was playing around in paris LOL) andddd he seems to be setting up a nice staff around him so hopefully hopefully hopefully 2025 is a lot better and ceedak will save me again… can’t wait for training camp omg
anyway if u read all this i’m SO sorry i hope it’s… expansive enough?? i wanted to include kind of how it’s been through the years and i had a lot more to add for 2023/2024 because that’s when my adhd was just like Yea let’s hyperfixate on this so. been stuck here for awhile and i’ll probably be stuck here for years and years and years <3
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sskk-manifesto · 10 months ago
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Atsushi's back in the game!!! ۶( ˆ o ˆ )
#And Kouyou!!!!#Also. I can say Steinbeck is kinda 👀👀👀#King of the specific category of “I forget I like him until he's on screen”#I'm seriously unlocking memories with this rewatch. Like I haven't thought about it in two years–#but I just know when I was watching the anime for the first time I was being like#“Of COURSE the villains need to spend several minutes each episode explaining in detail how their own superpowers work so that the–#protagonists can get a perfect idea of how to best counter them. Why are villains made so freaking stupid in this show” aljhvwslchvqliyqwb#But. Eh. I guess that's just bsd to you.#Alsoooooo random thought of the day: I don't really favour how Tanizaki's ability was adapted in the anime.#I very well understand they were going for this green Matrix-like illusion effect‚ but every time someone says “... Snow?”#I'm like please explain where do you live that has snow glowing green.#Aamsjgvfaskjhfv sorry this is me being very. Cranky and nitpicky and having terrible audience etiquette in refusing to–#engage in suspension of disbelief. It just bugs me akvakcvqkyb I just feel like... Green is such a non-snow color–#that quite of completely disrupts the Light Snow / Sasame Yuki aesthetic. I would have liked it much better light blue or simply white.#What else. The way the Guild just goes on at stereotypes still troubles me a lot. The “usamericans can't be touched by laws–#because they use money to corrupt anyone” “foreign criminal organization come in our country to corrupt our pure and untouched soil”#Idk. Maybe all of it is true. Can it still be deemed a stereotype when it's objectively something that's happened before–#and will probably keep happening?#I suppose I'm just not a fan of the constant hostility against any foreigner. Idk.#This situation besides is extremely ironical. If you meet me irl it probably won't take long to see me being very outspoken about–#how much I despise usa cultural colonization of all other countries. It's something that really bothers me‚ how rooted and pervasive–#their influence is. So in a lot of ways I can relate to the author's sentiment#I just feel that. If you start treating them as stereotypes and ignore the complexity of a country and the wide spectrum of causes–#that contribute to its attitude in international relations. You end up practicing precisely what you're trying to criticize.#Okay this is the last time I'm getting into the politics of the Guild arc lol#random rambles#This time I took watching the episode slow I feel a little late
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rawliverandgoronspice · 2 years ago
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Hello.
You and gay-jesus-probably have successfully made me question everything with your view that Tears of the Kingdom is imperialist propaganda, so that's been fun.
Anyway, I decided to share this discussion with the Zelda fans on reddit, and perhaps unsurprisingly, a lot of them disagreed. Here is what they said (I'm Alarming_Afternoon44):
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So what do you think? Have I and all these other people just been duped by the game's manipulative framing? Or do they actually have a point?
And if you'd rather not answer this, or would prefer if I censored the usernames, just tell me and I'll delete this.
Hey! Thanks a lot for reaching out, and I'm glad it made you think stuff through!!
Honestly, as I mentioned in this post, I am not super interested about in-world conversations about who oppresses who, because what can be assessed from the game is super vague and more vibes-based than evidence-based. Within the text, of course that the Good Zonais are good and the Bad Ganondorf is bad! But that's my whole point! The narrative has been deliberately crafted so that the zonais and Rauru (and Hyrule) are as blameless as possible (and it's not doing a great job at it overall to be frank; we would not be having these conversations about how offputting it all feels for a non-zero number of people if it did do a great job). More importantly, I want to focus on what sort of real-life narrative it all parallels. Because people make stories, and people live in the real world.
Not going after everyone's throat here, gamedev is hard and the hydras that are AAA game production do end up doing super weird stuff, especially since the thematic ramifications are absolutely never prioritized (and it's also always the same kind of people who make the final calls and push out what can and can't be talked about also). And as fans, we tend to have trouble stepping outside the lens of lore and take a look at the bigger picture sometimes; not as an attack on any individual part of that decision-making process but to just pause, stop, and question our standards, our priorities and the kind of reality (or skewing of reality) the stories we tell each other reflect.
Again: do we want to take videogames seriously or not? If we do, then we need to accept they are a vehicle for ideology, just like any other artform. And sometimes, you push out questionable ideology, sometimes without meaning to, because you didn't unpack your own biases as you did. And it's even fine to do it, nobody is perfect, a 300+ people team spread over 6 years certainly will not be that. But that it wasn't prioritized is, in my opinion, a problem. As a narrative designer, I want games (at least the narrative side) to be held to a higher standard than this. It's literally my job to work with the industry so it can hold itself to higher standards of quality --so the whole TotK situation is quite frustrating to witness from a very pragmatic, work perspective where I already spend my days trying to convince people that things mean things. I have a vested interest here in not having the companies I work for being given a free pass by gamers to do literally whatever as long as it's fun, especially when we're talking about a billion-dollars company suing its own fans left and right for any perceived slight. Nintendo are not underdogs here. It's fine to point out they cut corners and maybe promoted messy ideologies, voluntarily or not.
So long story short: no I don't believe anyone here has a point in regards to what I think is actually important, which is why these choices were made in the first place. If you look at an imperialist text expecting the text to tell you that it's imperialist instead of recognizing a framing used for propaganda by yourself, you're never gonna find any imperialist text ever, obviously not!! I'm sorry if I sound a little gngngn here, but I don't know why audiences have, at large, this feeling that lore and story beat decisions materialize themselves already formed and without any human bias, meddling, intervention, internal politics or approximations (it seems that people can only conceptualize this part if they have actual names to attach to the story, but without clear authors it's like there are no authors and so no bias, which is... a very strange bias in itself). I can promise you that it does not work that way in practice: every narrative department on every big game is a battlefield --some nicer than others, but all of them very emotionally draining either way.
So yeah, I guess that on these grounds, I disagree with every point raised here. Sorry Reddit :/
But thank you for the ask and sorry if I didn't go more into details as to why. The big Why I Dislike Rauru Post and the Gerudo Post might have some more specific rebuttals, but I am not super interested in debating small detail stuff tbh. I feel like it's no use if the frame of reference isn't being understood in the first place.
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sysig · 2 years ago
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Just thinking about @10yrsy’s Things, y’know, casually (Patreon)
#Doodles#IZ#I know Things is long dead but I've been feeling rather nostalgic lately#Man let alone Irkens when was the last time I doodled a Latrodectus haha - and 10's style of antenna! It's all quite nostalgic#I'll try not to get Too sappy but it's hard when I was so inspired by Things! It had a big impact on me#Without exaggeration Things helped shape the trajectory of my life for quite a while - it's interesting to think about artistic influences#But gosh heck I don't think I've doodled anything of any of them since the song contest all those years ago lol#I like to think I've improved a bit since then lol ♪ Though the medium is quite different haha#Finally drew Nid! Only took a Very long time lolol#I do remember having doodled some Extreme roughs for a comic concept ages and ages ago but that's really all I remember lol#Maybe hunting down those old notebooks sometime would be fun haha#ANYway lol - enough reminiscing! There's all this current silliness!#Snarp was my favourite back in the day and I still like him a lot haha#He's a prickly little so-and-so! A cute and spicy lad! Always a fun ♪#If ''little meow meow'' had existed as a term back then I would've used it for him lol he deserves it#It really is about the [unforgivable nature] paired with [unconditional love] hhh their friendship is still really cute <3#Myk! He's always had the most gorgeous design <3 His eyes! My word!#Beauty like that really doesn't age - I was always a fan of the close up of his eye and his skin texture ahh#Probably no one remembers this blog's original icon but hmm ♪ Inspiration down many many avenues haha#Hopefully I did his eyes justice with my limited traditional palette haha#Had to show off his muscles a little too <3 Those gloves man he's just a pretty dude!#I did a bit of editing magic with Nid so if his eyeline doesn't quite match up just sshhhshshshh it's fine lol ♪#Who's saying which and who's gasping hmmm who knows it's a mystery hehe#And ending off with those two again <3 It's their dynamic I swear I just jdslfdsf it gets me bad lol#Squish him hold him (gently (maybe not that gently)) haha
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pixlpawz · 8 months ago
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thank you for the love on my fursona forecast post🩷
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viktortittiforov · 11 months ago
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the 2010s sure were a time in my life
#there's just....... there's just something about that time#it might have something to do with 2011 being the year i started high school and 2019 being the year i finished my BA#and also the last year before the pandemic#I DON'T KNOW I JUST. THINKING BACK ON IT THERE IS THIS MYSTIQUE TO THAT TIME. THIS STRANGE EXCITEMENT#which is most likely a result of me finally beginning to feel like i can shape my own life and who i am and daydreaming abt a better future#and like exploring myself. in 2010 i turned 14 and fully realised i'm bi and throughout the decade#i experimented with a variety of different like...... identifications and imaginations of who i am#some of those were quite consumer identities (e.g. i strove to be and was a very hipster teen) but nevertheless#i don't know dudes like. the pandemic took a lot from me in terms of ability to be excited about what's to come i think#even though my life is pretty good i'd say#but also maybe that's just what it's like to grow into adulthood and get a job etc. SIGH why am i writing an entire fucking essay#abt my 2010s teenagehood nostalgia#like majority of those years also SUCKED because i had zero real irl friends and was really lonely lmfao#it felt like life didn't really start for me yet#and i was constantly waiting to burst into it. maybe that's the mystique. constantly hoping i am on the precipice of smth extraordinary#is nostalgia for one's teenage yrs inevitable? even if you feel like you missed out on most experiences considered quintessentially teenage?#i only started having Teenage Experiences™ when i went to uni lmfao (i.e. early 20s)#but idk it's such a loaded period psychologically and it's horrible and frustrating when you're living it but then you think back on it#and you're like man..... sure was a time huh. wow#but idk my experience could also be influenced by so many other variables#e.g. smartphones and social networks becoming widespread and common#that was also a pretty significant thing that happened#anyway i think i'm abt to run out of tags so. that's it#sry this shoulda gone into my diary probably but i inflicted it on you instead#neptalks
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no1ryomafan · 1 year ago
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The urge to not be the most annoying person ever when Gurren Lagann is mentioned by anyone randomly and I get the urge to scream “DID YOU KNOW GETTER ROBO IS A INFLUENCE ON IT” because every instance it’s always unprompted, probably not getting the person interested and it’s not like I even watched Gurren to make justifiable comparisons nor do I know when the fuck I will.
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disasterhimbo · 1 year ago
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[ID: a chart titled “Meaning of RAADS-R Scores” with a “score” column and an “interpretation” column. It says, “25: You are not autistic. 50: Some autistic traits, but likely not autistic (yet some autistic people score as low as 44). 65: The minimum score at which autism is considered. 90: Stronger indications of autism, although non-autistics may score as high. 130: The mean score of autistic people; strong evidence for autism. 160: Very strong evidence for autism. 227: The maximum score autistic people acquired in Ritvo's seminal paper on the RAADS-R. 240: The maximum possible RAADS-R score.”]
If you don’t know your score, take the test here
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theartinmyheart · 2 months ago
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#with where I'm at in life rn I've been thinking about my ex a lot and his happiness and quality of life#I'm probably way off to assume that hes unhappy but if I'm comparing where I'm at and where I've last heard he's at..I feel sorry for him#I feel like i got lucky after we broke up bc I started therapy and school and my museum and life#like I was able to learn and unlearn and grow into the person i am now and learn to be my own self w out a partner or family and be content#and then i think about how he had a kid w someone pretty quickly after we broke up and then just got into another serious relationship#like did he process our breakup completely? by the time i had processed it#his new kid was like 2 i think. and thats ok bc that relationship was a huge part of my life and influenced me a lot today#so to think that it took me that long and he was already in another deeeeeep situation makes me wonder if hes happy#I think i'd be miserable. knowing what I know now just on life experience and therapy and school especially#I would never want to be in his shoes. but maybe hes happy living like that#like one of those he doesnt know what hes missing bc he doesnt know what education and therapy and freedom looks like situations#I think bc im v grateful w where im at in life rn I'm wondering if it all worked out for him as well#or honestly if hes just stuck in the same pattern of life he was in when we were together#having two kids out of wedlock#being in a relationship w someone bc they got pregnant#is the relationship healthy? is his son happy?#god i wonder about his son a lot and how he feels knowing his dad has another kid he lives w full time#i truly feel bad for all kids from broken families bc its not what children need at all.#like is he learning and educating himself on important things or is his life monotonous and lacking intellectual stimulation?#I cant imagine being ignorant like I was when we were together so i really hope its not like that for him#Idk lately I've been wondering if we could have been friends but I doubt his relationship is healthy like that lmao#I feel like i just want to sit down and talk w him and catch up but am i too different now? is he? it'd be like meeting a stranger#and that also makes me sad bc that relationship was so significant to my life and to who i am today#but thats how life is. you're never the same person twice and you only experience things once. so this is just how its meant to be#so i really hope he is happy and he has done internal work and is making the most out of his life and his circumstances#he deserves that and more#j#anyways
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fellator · 3 months ago
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but also im kinda sorta worried about him because a lot of the things he said (not only this specific time, but also like. all this time they've been fighting) really sound like the way i operated when I was having Really Bad depression and being sort of a fucking asshole about it
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batmanisagatewaydrug · 9 months ago
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I think a lot of what's currently informing my fellow white people curdling like milk and shitting their pants when asked to interrogate their relationship with rap is the way many people (especially well-meaning white people) still can't help but think of racism as something that you get accused of rather than something that influences the entire world in pernicious ways.
like, I think a lot of people currently posting the most cringe takes about rap right now would very much agree that Racism Is Bad and probably even acknowledge that rap has been and is still widely maligned and devalues for racist reasons.
but that last step, acknowledging that your personal tastes and interests are also influenced by systemic racism, is where a LOT of people stumble. it's very easy to assume that because you consider yourself against racism, then your tastes and interests cannot possibly be at all informed by racist. if you're a white American, that's simply extremely unlikely to be true.
speaking from personal experience, I had to Work to decenter whiteness in my media tastes. when I was like 19 I listened to a podcast where a white Jewish man talked about keeping a spreadsheet of the books he read to make sure he was reading a roughly equal number of men and women, and I started doing the same thing to track how many authors of color I was reading. at the time I took pride in my belief that I was reading diversely, but when the year ended I was shocked to discover that people of color had written barely a quarter of the books I'd read. I had been giving myself way too much credit while still unintentionally prioritizing white authors, because white authors were the ones I knew best. so I started making an extremely conscious effort to seek out books by authors of color, both fiction and nonfiction, that sounded like my kind of shit.
music was extremely similar. I grew up a little white girl in a very white city in a very white state; nobody was offering me an education in rap or r&b or soul or hip hop. as an young adult there were definitely some Black artists I liked, like Janelle Monáe, but I had to take the initiative of seeking out more artists to find out who I fuck with. you're not going to like everybody, which is fine, but are you even giving anyone a chance? are you even looking?
racism has roots everywhere, bro. it's not enough to just acknowledge it, you have to actively get digging.
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girlygguk · 3 months ago
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NOT IN THAT WAY | JJK (m)
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summary in which you're hopelessly in love with your best friend, min yoongi. meanwhile, your other best friend, jeon jungkook, is hopelessly in love with you.
★ based on this request ★
pairing non idol!jk x fem!reader (slightly ft. min yoongi)
wordcount 30k (20k main post, 10k reblog due to block limit)
genre childhood bffs2l, fluff, angst, smut
rating 18+ minors do not interact
content jk&oc 21 | yoongi&jia 22, unrequited love everywhere, yoongi is kind of villainized 😞, toxic friendships, jk and oc are v touchy n lovey friends, pining, pushover & lowk naive oc, protective jk, simp jk, a touch of he hates everyone but her trope, a lot of clichés, a lot of flashbacks, heated-ish arguments, panic/anxiety attack, alcohol consumption, a lil bitta jealousy, kissing under the influence, smoking (ciggies), cursing, non-detailed sex scene w yoongi, happy ending because it's me 😭 explicit content; dirty talk, nipple play, clit play, cunnilingus, condomless p in v sex (oc on pill), toy usage during sex (vibrator), multiple orgasms, creampie, lots of pillow talk
author's note this fic was basically built entirely in my old writing style, & while i did a fuckktonnn of editing, i'm still not 100% happy with the final product. but it's either post it now or i'll never post it! also... during said edits.. i think i took out most of the angst? 😭 i'm sorry angst luvvers, this is like 60% pure fluff and filth 😭
don't forget to read part 2! link at the end 🩷 (or don't, i wouldn't blame u xx)
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The rain drums against the windows of Jungkook’s Jeep as you cradle a six-pack of strawberry soju on your lap, the bottles clinking slightly with each bump in the road.
Jungkook hums softly to an old Linkin Park track from the mixtape he's played a hundred times before, the nostalgia pulling you in until you find yourself humming along without even realizing it.
He’d picked you up from your place not long ago, with a quick stop at the liquor store for beer and snacks, and now the two of you were about ten minutes away from Yoongi and Jia’s apartment.
You’ve been best friends with them for as long as you can remember—Jungkook, Yoongi, and Jia. Jungkook, just a little longer than the others. Growing up on the same street, realizing that the boy with the big bunny smile from your second-grade class lived right next door—it almost felt like fate.
‹ ‹ ‹
“How was school, honey?” Your mom leaned down to wrap you in a hug, her soft bangs brushing against your cheek.
Eight-year-old you giggled at the ticklish feeling before grabbing her hand and tugging her excitedly toward the school gates, eager to begin the walk home. “It was so fun, eomma! My teacher let us watch a movie since we finished all our work early!”
“Oooh, that’s nice, sweetie.” Your mom smiled warmly, easily keeping pace with you, her strides leisurely next to your quick, hurried steps.
The two of you chatted happily about your day, your little hand swinging in hers, when something up ahead caught your attention.
“Oh? Jeongguk-ssi!” you called out, your voice high with excitement.
Your mom followed your gaze and saw a young boy, about your age, walking just ahead of you. He turned at the sound of his name, curiosity lighting up his big eyes.
“Y/N-ssi? Hey!” Jungkook waved with that trademark bunny smile, and without missing a beat, you pulled your mom along as you ran up to him.
“I didn’t know you walked home!” you exclaimed, beaming. “This is my eomma!” You introduced her proudly while your mom greeted both Jungkook and his mother. “We’re walking home too!” you added with a grin.
“Cool,” Jungkook beamed before patting his mom on the arm. “This is my eomma! We live just down there.” His little hand reached out to point at a street just within view.
“No way!” you screeched, eyes wide in disbelief as you whipped around to look at your mom for confirmation. “That’s our street!” you shouted, practically buzzing with excitement.
“Wow… and we’re in the same class? This is getting weird,” Jungkook muttered, equally amazed. You both stood there, nodding at each other with wide, stunned eyes.
Your moms laughed at your expressions before yours turned to his. “Should we walk together?”
“Yes!” you cried, bouncing on your toes. “I want to talk to Jeongguk-ssi about the movie we watched today!”
You didn’t even wait for an answer, slipping out of your mom’s grasp to walk beside Jungkook, chattering away as if you’d known each other for thirty years already.
Jungkook’s mom chuckled, falling into step with yours as they followed closely behind, chatting about mom things while you and Jungkook walked ahead, engrossed in your conversation about 'Robots'. You were so caught up that you didn’t even realize you’d arrived home until your mom gently pulled you to a stop.
“We’re home, sweetie. Time to go in and start your homework before dinner. You’ll see Jungkook tomorrow, okay?” Your mom’s soft voice pulled you from your excitement, and you looked up at her with a pout.
“Okay…” you sighed, turning back to Jungkook, who was still smiling at you. His expression confused you. He wasn’t sad to leave like you were… Why wasn’t he upset? You thought the conversation was going great…
“Y/N-ssi, I live right there!” Jungkook exclaimed suddenly, bouncing on his toes as he pointed toward the house directly next to yours.
Your eyes followed where he pointed before snapping back to him in an instant, your pigtails flying. “Wow! We can walk to school together and-and walk home together and talk about movies! And you’re wearing a Superman t-shirt, and I’ve seen half of the Superman movie! This is so cool!”
Jungkook didn’t correct you—his shirt wasn’t Superman, it was Iron Man, his favorite hero of all-time. But he didn’t care. He just grinned, matching your excitement with a big nod.
Jungkook’s mom chuckled again, tapping him on the shoulder. “Okay, Gukkie, we better go start your homework, too.” She turned to your mom with a warm smile. “I’ll give you a call later to talk about what we mentioned before, Bora?”
“Yeah, absolutely. Thanks, Hyomin.” Your mom gave her arm a quick squeeze before gently guiding you inside.
“Bye, Gukkie! See you tomorrow!” you called out, using the nickname you heard his mom call him as he walked up his driveway with her.
“Bye, Y/N-ssi! See you tomorrow!” he grinned before disappearing inside with Hyomin.
The next day, your moms walked you both to school, chatting as they went, and when they left, they seemed to head off in the same direction.
That evening, you found out they’d gone for coffee to get to know each other better, and it turned out they got along incredibly well. At the time, their husbands were the ones working while they stayed home to care for the kids and the house. It wasn't long before they were exchanging recipes, enjoying wine nights together, and becoming each other’s go-to babysitters whenever one had an appointment. Soon, they were inseparable.
Just like you and Jungkook.
› › ›
You first met Jia and Yoongi about six months later, when you and Jungkook moved up to third grade. It was a combined class of third and fourth-graders, with Jia and Yoongi a year older than you both. Since the activities were separated by gender, you and Jia naturally grew close, always being paired up or placed in the same groups for subjects. It was the same for Jungkook and Yoongi.
Jia was beautiful. From the day you met her, you knew she was in a league of her own with her looks— naturally wavy raven hair, long lashes, and starry eyes that made her stand out in any crowd.
As you all grew older, Jia only became more stunning, her confidence blossoming with age. By high school, she had every boy wrapped around her finger. And she knew it.
What you didn’t expect, though, was for Yoongi to be one of those boys.
Jungkook was the first to know about your insatiable crush on Yoongi. Of course he was. He was your best friend, the peanut butter to your jelly, the moon to your light. You’d confided in him when you first realized around middle school that your feelings for Yoongi had shifted, that you didn't just like him as a friend anymore.
You told Jia, too. But she seemed to brush it off as just an innocent childhood crush, something that would fade with time. When she and Yoongi only grew closer, eventually making it official during your senior year of high school, you felt like you were going to die.
You love Jia. She's an incredible friend, and she deserves all the good things the boy you were in love with had to offer.
But no matter how hard you tried to convince yourself that you weren’t a jealous person, the ache in your chest was impossible to ignore. And every time you visit their shared apartment, which they moved into not long after their second anniversary, you can’t stop that very ache from resurfacing as soon as you step through the threshold.
“Hey. We’re-o—”
Jungkook’s words die on his lips as soon as he steps into the doorway of Yoongi and Jia’s apartment, his body freezing in place. You don’t have time to stop, bumping into his back, the soju in your arms rattling with the impact. Jungkook turns around to steady you before Jia's voice rips through the room.
“You always fucking do this! I’m so sick of it, Yoongi! Seriously! I can’t fucking take it anymore!” She storms toward the kitchen counter, snatching up her jacket and keys. Her eyes pass right over you and Jungkook as if you weren’t there, and she shoves past you both in her rush to leave.
“Yeah, walk away like you always do, Jia.” Yoongi’s laughter is bitter as he follows her to the door. “I’ll see you at, what, 10 o’clock when you come crying back, saying that you’re sorry and you overreacted again?”
You exchange a glance with Jungkook, both of you fidgeting uncomfortably with the drinks in your hands. This was just supposed to be one of your usual Friday hangouts… but instead, you’ve walked straight into a war zone.
Jia’s already halfway down the hall when she whirls around, her eyes blazing with venom. “No, I won’t.” Her voice is sharp, her tone final. “I’m done, Yoongi. We’re done.”
Yoongi’s face falters immediately, and in all the years you’ve known him, you’ve never seen him look this lost. “What?” His voice softens, a note of desperation creeping in as he steps toward her. She shakes her head, holding up a hand to stop him.
“I’m serious, Yoongi. I can’t do this anymore. We need a break… some time apart.”
Even though they fight often, the look on Yoongi’s face tells you that this is different. That maybe she’s never called it quits like this before.
“Wh—jagi? No, don’t—no… just get some air? Please? We’ll talk later, okay?” Yoongi’s voice cracks, and you feel your brows furrow, your heart aching at his tone.
Jungkook silently sets his beer on the counter, gently taking the soju from your arms and placing it beside his. He returns to your side, his arm slipping around yours. The warmth of his touch grounds you, but your eyes stay fixed on the man you love, who looks like he’s about to fall apart right in front of you.
“This is toxic. We’re toxic, Yoongi. We fight every single day. This isn’t love… this is—I don’t even know what this is.” Jia’s voice trembles, her grip tightening around her keys as she struggles to keep her tears at bay.
Your instinct is to step forward, to offer your best friend comfort, but she rejects your gesture, wiping away the tears that have just started streaming down her face. Her face contorts in pain, causing your lips to purse as you itch to pull her into a hug. Jungkook moves close behind you, his presence reassuring, but you aren’t the one who needs comforting right now—Jia and Yoongi are. Jungkook doesn’t move, just leans against the wall next to you, his gaze fixed on the ground.
“Jia, please.” Yoongi’s voice is raw, a pleading tone you’ve never heard from him before. You glance at him, your chest tightening as you see his eyes all glossy and red.
You have witnessed plenty of arguments between Jia and Yoongi over the years. Whether it was when you were all just friends in school and they disagreed on something, or when they’d suddenly break out into a heated fight during a night out at your favorite bar. But this one feels so different, and you don't know what to do.
You shift a little, moving to stand properly beside Jungkook, your head tilting up to meet his gaze. He glances down at you, about to ask if you're okay right as you’re about to suggest you guys go back inside, but Jia’s voice cuts through the air again.
“I’m gonna go stay with my mom. I’ll get my brother to come pick up my things… I need space, Yoongi.”
You swear you see the exact moment his heart snaps in two. His knees almost buckle when Jia turns around without another word, taking the stairs instead of the elevator, desperate to get out of the building as fast as she can.
Immediately, you and Jungkook rush to Yoongi, enveloping him in a tight hug. The dam breaks, and he begins sobbing in your embrace, his body trembling between the two of you. His breath carries the faint, bitter scent of alcohol as he struggles to catch his breath. You sigh, realizing the argument probably escalated because they’d both been drinking.
After a moment of rubbing his back soothingly, you suddenly glance up at Jungkook in alarm, which he returns with a puzzled look.
“Yoongi,” you whisper, tilting your head back to search his tear-streaked face, gently wiping away the streams flowing down his cheeks. “Honey, has Jia been drinking too?”
Yoongi doesn’t answer, still too distraught to process your question. His sobs only deepen, his body shaking with every breath.
Jungkook immediately understands, his hand lightly rubbing the back of Yoongi’s neck before he pulls away, quickly disappearing down the staircase that Jia had descended.
“Come on, hun, let’s go inside,” you murmur, guiding the broken boy toward the couch. His legs are heavy, dragging as you help him into the apartment with an arm around his waist.
Once inside, you manage to coax him onto the couch, gently urging him to sit down. His face is flushed, streaked with tears, and your heart wrenches at the sight. You pull the throw blanket from the back of the couch, draping it carefully over his lap.
The sheer amount of tears pouring from his eyes leaves your brows furrowed almost permanently. You’ve never seen Yoongi like this before—so utterly broken. Whether it’s the alcohol or the depth of this fight with Jia, you don’t know, but you feel sick to your fucking stomach.
You head to the kitchen, filling a glass of water before returning to Yoongi’s side. Sitting down next to him, you adjust the blanket so it covers both your legs and his. “Here, Yoongi. Drink some water, please?” you offer, gently wiping away the moisture clinging to his cheeks.
With a sniffle and a hiccup, Yoongi glances at you, then wraps his trembling hand around the cup. He takes a few gulps, finishing about half before you gently set it back on the coffee table. Then, you rest your head on his shoulder.
The room feels unbearably quiet now, and you don’t know what to say, how to make any of this better. “I’m so sorry, Yoongi.”
“I can’t believe it’s over.” His tears have stopped, but his voice is hoarse. His sad, dilated eyes lock onto yours, making your heart ache even more. “She’s all I’ve ever known, Y/N. I don’t know what to fucking do. What—what do I do?” His voice cracks.
“I…” You hesitate, your mind scrambling for something, anything that could comfort him. But for once, you don’t have an answer. “I have no idea, hun…”
You’re no stranger to giving Yoongi advice about Jia, and vice versa. You’ve practically become an expert over the years. But right now, you’re absolutely clueless.
Your best friend nods, his lips pursing to the side as he tries not to cry again. You exhale, your breath shaky as you shift to face him when he turns away. The blanket slips slightly, and your hands instinctively reach out to adjust it over his lap. But then, his trembling hand lands on yours, stopping you.
Your gaze lifts to his face, brows furrowing in concern. There’s a look in his eyes—something you've never quite seen before.
“Yoongi? Are you—mmf—”
His lips are warm, tasting faintly of Laphroaig—his favorite whiskey. The smoky sweetness floods your senses, dazing you as if you’d taken the bottle and downed the entire thing yourself. Suddenly, you're letting him guide you onto his lap, his hands gripping your waist as the blanket slips to the floor, forgotten.
Your mind blanks as he deepens the kiss, his tongue sweeping past your lips in a desperate, feverish attempt to lose himself. His grip tightens, and he swallows your surprised gasp, pulling you closer, as if trying to drown out his heartache in the heat of you.
The realization hits you like a fucking truck.
You immediately jerk away, gasping for breath, your body trembling as you quickly scramble off his lap. Your legs feel weak as you collapse back onto the couch beside him, your wide eyes staring blankly at the wall above the TV.
Their TV.
A tense, painful silence fills the room, and you think you’re gonna puke.
Your lips still tingle with the memory of his, your heart pounding so hard you’re sure he can hear it. That was everything you’ve ever fucking wanted—but for all the wrong fucking reasons.
Your phone buzzes in your back pocket, yanking you out of your spiral. Clearing your throat awkwardly, you pull the device from your jeans and push yourself off the couch, stepping toward the kitchenette as you answer the call with shaky hands.
“Hey, bug. I’ve got Jia.” Jungkook’s voice soothes the crease in your brow before you even realize it. “She’s sleeping in the back. I’m going to drop her at her mom’s, and then I’ll come back to get you. Is Yoongi okay?”
You glance back at Yoongi, who's still sitting in stunned silence on the couch. “Ye—kkkhmm—yes, he’s fine. Okay, I’ll see you when you get back.”
Yep. Of course your voice broke. He won’t ignore that.
“Bug?” His tone softens, laced with concern. You close your eyes, trying to hold back the tears that spring to your eyes. “Y/N, are you okay?”
“Mhm,” you choke back the cry building in your throat, glancing over your shoulder at Yoongi. His head is buried in his hands, elbows pressed hard into his knees. “I’m okay, Gukkie. Just get Jia to her mom’s, and I’ll see you soon, okay?”
Jungkook goes quiet for a long second at your quivering voice. “No, bug. I’m gonna come get you first. Tell me why you’re crying, please.”
Your chest tightens, and when you try to speak, your voice cracks again. You roll your teary eyes, swiping your free hand roughly over your face. “‘ll tell you later, Gukkie. Please, just… please take Jia to her mom’s.”
He goes quiet again, and if it weren’t for the sound of his windshield wipers squeaking against the glass, you would have thought he hung up.
Jungkook’s fingers tighten around the steering wheel as he fights the urge to turn the car around right now and drive back to get you. If Yoongi is the reason you’re crying... Fuck, he can’t even finish the thought.
“I’ll be back to get you in thirty minutes, okay?” he manages to say, his pulse pounding.
“Thank you, Gukkie. I love you, please drive safe.”
“I love you too, bug,” he sighs before letting you disconnect the call.
Jungkook glances up at his rearview mirror to see a sleeping Jia sprawled out on his backseat, soft snores escaping her lips. He doesn’t entirely hate Jia, but he can’t ignore how poorly she treats you, no matter how much you try to convince him otherwise.
What kind of person feels the need to one-up their friend in every aspect of life? What kind of person knows about the insecurities that their beautiful, amazing friend has, but discredits them and forces them outside of their comfort zone anyway? What kind of person learns about the feelings their friend harbors for someone, and shortly after, goes for that person just to prove they can?
Whether Jia does it subconsciously or not, whether her intentions are ill or not, whether you notice or not, Jungkook sees everything.
At the end of the day, it’s you he cares about. You are his best friend. You are the love of his life. You are the one he will protect at all costs when it comes down to it. You are the one he will choose.
You will not get hurt in the crossfire of Yoongi and Jia’s fucked-up relationship. Jungkook will make sure of that.
“Are you okay?” Your voice is quiet—the quietest Yoongi has ever heard, and his heart splinters.
His head lifts from his hands, eyes searching for you. You’re standing a few feet away, the distance between you obvious, and he almost cringes. “Don't, bug. Are you okay? I’m so fucking sorry.”
It’s still strange to hear Yoongi call you the nickname Jungkook gave you what feels like a hundred years ago, but you can’t ignore the warmth it stirs in your chest when he does.
“Of course I’m okay,” you say carefully. “You’re hurting... People do silly things when they’re hurting.”
Yoongi’s breath hitches, his hands running through his hair in frustration. “I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry for making you uncomfortable, bug, I—”
“You didn’t.” You’re quiet again, and he freezes, confusion knitting his brows. “Make me, um, uncomfortable.”
He scoffs under his breath, hands rubbing at his temples. “Sure seems like I did.”
“No, you could never make—”
“Y/N, don’t say that. I kissed you. I pulled you on top of me—”
“I let you—”
“I took advantage of you—”
“You didn’t—”
“Stop fucking defending me! Stop thinking the best of me—”
“I’m not—”
“You are! You always do! Even when I act like a complete piece of shi—”
“I love you.”
The room falls into a suffocating silence. Yeah, you’re definitely going to puke now.
Yoongi’s hands slowly fall away from his face, his eyes desperate to meet yours. But you refuse to look at him. Your gaze stays fixed on the rug you helped Jia pick out from your favorite vintage home decor store. You’re going to get vomit all over such a pretty rug.
“Bug…” His voice is soft, pleading. You don’t look up. You don’t move. You can’t.
You’ve said “I love you” to Yoongi plenty of times before. But you know that you can’t possibly play this off as another friendly declaration. You know he caught what you really meant.
Over a decade of hiding and suppressing your feelings for him, just for you to suddenly blurt it out because you couldn’t bear to hear him talk badly about himself? And to think your stupid therapist said your chronic people-pleasing tendencies were getting better.
“Y/N. Please.” You didn’t even realize he’d stood from the couch, didn’t notice him moving closer. But you feel it when his shaky hand gently lifts your chin, forcing you to look at him.
“You don’t mean that,” he murmurs, shaking his head slowly, his eyes filled with sadness as he takes in your expression.
“Okay.” You nod, tears slipping down your cheeks despite your efforts to hold them back. “I didn’t mean it. Let’s just forget it happened—”
“You can’t love me, bug.” He looks like he’s in so much pain, and your stomach clenches. He’s repulsed by the idea of you loving him in that way. God, you wished that you’d just stayed home tonight and watched movies with Jungkook like he had suggested.
Who were you even kidding? Yoongi is in—well, was in—a relationship with one of the most gorgeous, fierce, and confident women you’ve ever met. Jia is everything a man could want. He loves her. Obviously, he loves her. How pathetic could you be?
“Yoongi, I’m sorry. I-I don’t know why I even said that. I’m so stupid.” You sniffle, and Yoongi sighs deeply, his thumb brushing away the tear that spills down your cheek. “Please forget it. Please, let’s just forge—”
But he cuts you off, his lips crashing into yours again, more intense this time. His kiss pulls you under before you can even think to resist, and it's not long before your body completely surrenders. Your lips part, letting him in, stifling the urge to moan as his tongue meets yours. Yoongi’s hands move from your jaw to thread through your hair, pulling you closer, and suddenly, everything—right, wrong, loyalty, friendship—fades. It’s just him.
A deep groan vibrates from his throat, and you capture it, drinking it in as your head spins. Your hands unfreeze and find their way to his chest, feeling the warmth beneath the fabric of his shirt. You grip the material, tugging him even closer, satisfaction surging through you as he presses himself against you.
Yoongi pulls back, just for a moment, and you force yourself not to chase his lips. Your eyes flutter open, taking in the sight of his swollen pout and reddened cheeks. “I didn’t know, Y/N…”
You shake your head, swallowing the lump in your throat. “I know. It’s okay, really. You don’t have to—”
“I didn’t know that you had feelings for me, too.”
Your hands jerk back, the fabric slipping from your fingers as you stumble away. What?
“What?” you whisper, your voice barely audible.
No? That’s not. No.
“Of course I love you, bug.” Yoongi’s eyes soften, and his words spill out like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. “What’s not to love? You’re smart, funny, pretty, sweet… Anybody would be lucky to have you.”
Your head starts shaking furiously, your brain scrambling to process what he’s saying. “You’re—a-are you drunk? You don’t mean that. You can’t just say something like that to me if you don’t mean it—”
“You know me, Y/N. You know my tolerance, and I’ve barely had much to drink. I’m just really emotional tonight. But I mean it, I do love you.”
You stare at him, the boy you’ve loved in secret for years, the one you’ve cried over, wishing for this exact moment. And now, the words you’ve always dreamed of are tumbling from his lips.
But… where are the fireworks?
There’s no rainbow-colored burst in your head, no magical release of all the pain you’ve carried, no sense of it washing down a metaphorical drain. You pout at the thought.
You feel happy, yes. Relieved, yes. Confused… yes.
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A soft thudding noise furrows Jungkook’s brows as he twists the handle to Yoongi’s apartment door.
The lights in the living room are on. There’s a blanket sprawled across the rug you really wanted from your favorite vintage home decor store—the one Jia bought because she said it would look cute in her new apartment. Your sandals are neatly placed next to the doormat, but you’re nowhere in sight.
Jungkook peeks into the nearby rooms, checking the main bathroom and laundry, both empty. His steps slow as he reaches Yoongi and Jia’s bedroom, where a sliver of light spills from beneath the door. His hand hovers over the knob before it freezes, his blood running cold.
“Oh! Fuck!” Your sweet voice rings in his ears, rendering him immobile.
No.
No, bug… Fuck.
The thudding noise he heard when he entered the apartment returns, now registering loud and clear as the headboard of Yoongi’s bed slamming harshly into the wall. Jungkook tries to move, tries to turn around and leave, but he can’t.
“Shit, bug! You like that?”
Jungkook’s fist tightens around the doorknob as he hears his best friend call you by his nickname while he fucks you. He’s got some fucking nerve.
“Mhmm, I-I love ittt.”
Jungkook stumbles back from the door as he feels the bile rising in his throat. He heads to the kitchen, chest tightening painfully with every step. He grabs a glass, fills it with water, and downs it in three gulps. Then he fills it again, downs it again. And again. And again.
He repeats the action until his eyes are watering and he can’t force himself to swallow another mouthful. The sick feeling clawing at his throat remains unaffected. He's gonna fucking pass out.
He’s shaking now as he carefully sets the glass in the dishwasher. Then, he walks to the door and removes his shoes, lining them up perfectly alongside yours. After turning off the light, Jungkook walks to the couch and bends down to pick up the ugly blanket draped across your pretty little rug.
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Your body clock wakes you as it does every morning. Groggily, your hand reaches out, searching for your phone on your bedside table. But instead of the familiar hard surface, your fingers only encounter more mattress instead.
‹ ‹ ‹
“Okay, can you pass me two screw C’s, please, Gukkie?” you asked, eyes bouncing between the half-built table you were trying your best to put together.
Jungkook stayed quiet for a moment, his hand hovering over the screw C’s even though he knew it was actually screw B’s you needed for that part. He glanced over, catching sight of your little pout, and grabbed two screw B’s, plopping them into your hand.
“Thank you—” you started, pausing when you noticed the bolts weren’t what you thought. “Gukkie, no, I need screw C’s.”
“No, bug, you need screw B’s.” He rubbed your leg, which was bumping against his as you both sat cross-legged on the floor of your new apartment.
“What—I… huh?” you mumbled in confusion, glancing from the manual to the table, then back to the manual. “Ohhhh, fuuuckk!”
You dropped the screws and manual with a whine, pulling your knees up and burying your face in them. “I’ve gotten the last three steps backward! I’ll have to basically unassemble it and—ugh!” you groaned, grumbling into Jungkook’s shoulder when he laughed, catching you as you flopped against him. “Should’ve just let you build it like you wanted to,” you muttered.
Jungkook just shrugged, glancing at the table. “S’okay. Won’t take me long. Want to order our dinner?”
You glanced up at your best friend, hands reaching to grab his cheeks and squeeze them. “Yes. Thank you. I love you.” He turned his face to give your hand a quick kiss, nodding as he reached for the table pieces. “I love you more. My phone’s over there,” he gestured to the couch behind you, a silent invitation to use his delivery app.
You nodded, grabbing his phone and angling away just enough so he wouldn’t see you switch to your own device instead. He never let you pay, but he was building your furniture...
You’d happily take the scolding once your bellies were full and your cute new table was standing next to your bed.
› › ›
Confused, you open your eyes, only to be met with the sight of a blank beige wall. But… your walls aren't beige?
And then it hits you.
Yoongi.
You and Yoongi.
The arm wrapped firmly around your waist tugs you closer as Yoongi nuzzles into your back, still half-asleep. You freeze, your heart skipping a beat, before gently trying to pull the blanket up over your exposed chest. But even in his sleep, his grip on you remains strong. You’re about to tug a little harder when you suddenly remember.
Jungkook.
Holy fuck, Jungkook. He was supposed to come back for you. He must have, but you weren’t out there waiting for him. Panic surges through you as you scramble out of the bed, not even thinking as you leap for your jeans discarded on the bedroom floor.
Yoongi stirs, a confused grunt escaping him as his eyes slowly open, watching you frantically search your pants. “I would say I’m hurt you’re rushing to get dressed so quickly,” he drawls, voice husky with sleep, “but your ass looks fantastic from here, so I’ll let it slide…”
You roll your eyes with a little smile, still focused on finding your phone. Climbing back into bed once you have it in hand, he watches with a twinkly smirk, the bruise he left above your left nipple making his morning wood throb a little. His head tilts up to capture your lips, and you almost drop your phone at the feeling, but you don’t let it last too long before flopping back next to him, finally opening your messages app.
[7:36 AM] To: Gukkie good morning, gukkie. i’m soooo sorry i didn’t call you last night. i have so much to tell you. please text me back when you wake up, okay? i love you 💗
You scroll back to the last message, a photo from Jungkook of an anime figurine he found at the gas station yesterday on his way to pick you up. He said it reminded him of you.
You’ve never been much into anime—only knowing what you do from when you go over to his place and finish the episode he’s currently watching with him—but the character was so cute. Maybe you’ll ask him to show you the series later.
You’re just about to ask Yoongi if you can borrow his charger because your phone’s at 5%, but his phone rings, interrupting your question. He presses a soft kiss to your shoulder before leaning over to grab his phone from the bedside table. As he glances at the screen, a sigh slips from his lips, his hand running through his hair in a familiar gesture that tells you exactly who’s calling. A knot forms in your stomach as you focus back on your phone, pretending to be preoccupied with the screen.
Clad only in his boxers, Yoongi gets up and quietly slips into the ensuite, shutting the door behind him. His voice is low, muffled by the walls, but you don’t try to listen. Instead, you lean over to his bedside table, searching for a charger amongst the clutter, but come up empty. After a quick check of the drawers and still finding nothing, you sigh.
Just as you’re about to get up and search the rest of the room, you glance back at your phone in your lap. The messages app is still open, and your heart stutters when you notice the read receipt on the last text you sent.
Read 7:37 AM.
Jungkook’s awake? Maybe he’s just in the bathroom and will reply soon. Or maybe you woke him up, and he was too tired to respond. Or maybe he’s mad at you for ditching him yesterday. Guilt twists in your chest, and you bite hard on your inner lip, knowing you’ve just earned yourself a spot in the Shitty Friend Hall of Fame after last night.
You're typing another message to Jungkook when the ensuite door opens. You glance up, only to find Yoongi stepping back into the room with a somber expression. His movements are slow, careful. Your stomach drops.
Suddenly, you’re all too aware of how underdressed you are. Your phone slips from your fingers into the blankets without a thought as you scramble back up to grab your shirt from the floor. Your throat feels scratchy, and you clear it awkwardly, desperate to fill the silence as you tug the fabric over your head. Yoongi watches your frantic movements and sighs as he reaches out to you, but you pull away, avoiding his touch.
His voice is strained. “Bug…” 
God, you’re so fucking stupid. Of course, this was nothing to him. You were nothing but a momentary distraction, a warm body to offer comfort while he was hurting. Of course it takes one five-minute call from your beautiful best friend to have him regretting everything that happened between you.
Holy fuck. Jia.
She’s going to be furious. She's going to kill you. She’s going to hate you.
Panic rises in your chest, and your vision blurs as tears well up in your eyes. You stumble back slightly, grabbing for your jeans again, but your hands are shaking too much to pull them on. Yoongi steps closer, taking the jeans from your hands, his fingers brushing against your skin, warm and gentle.
And that’s when you break.
He pulls you into his arms as you lose it, sobbing uncontrollably, ugly and snotty. “I’m so sorry, Y/N. Jia and I… we’re gonna try to work on things… There’s just so much history, and we weren’t thinking clearly last night. I’m so—”
“No, I’m…” you choke out between hiccups, wrenching free from his arms, hurriedly wiping your eyes and nose. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. Oh my god, she’s going to hate me. What have I done? I-I—”
Your words falter as a wave of dizziness hits you, and your vision begins to blur at the edges. Your heart is pounding so loudly in your ears that it drowns out everything else. The tightness in your chest makes it hard to breathe, each breath becoming shallower, more frantic. “Yoong—”
The room is closing in on you, suffocating. The panic seizes your lungs, and even the minimal clothing you’re wearing feels too heavy, too much.
It’s been two years since your last episode and you'd almost forgotten how they felt like. But right now, but the feeling is all too fucking familiar.
Yoongi’s eyes widen in alarm. He’s saying your name, you think, but all you can hear is the deafening thud of your own heartbeat. Your hands tremble uncontrollably, and before you know it, you collapse to the floor, curling into yourself.
Head on your knees. Deep breaths. In and out. In and out. Just like your nurse taught you. Just like your best friend practiced with you for hours until you both experts in the method.
But it’s not working. It’s not fucking working.
“Y/N?” Yoongi’s voice rises in panic, his eyes wide and helpless. “Y/N, please. What’s happening? What do I do? I-I’m going to call an ambu—”
The door to Yoongi’s room slams open, hitting the wall with a thud at the force it was thrown open. Within seconds, Yoongi is shoved aside, and the warmth of strong arms wraps around you. You don’t even have to look up; you’d recognize his touch and scent anywhere. The most comforting, familiar presence in your life surrounds you, and while it barely steadies your racing pulse, it feels like everything.
Your body shudders with a fresh wave of tears as Jungkook pulls you into him, his arms cradling you while he gently rocks you back and forth. His lips press softly against the top of your head. “‘S’ok, bug,” he murmurs, his voice a soothing balm. “Just focus on your breathing. In and out, remember? I’m here. I’m with you. We’re here together. We’re okay.”
“Kook…” Yoongi’s strained voice cuts through, watching helplessly as you cling desperately to Jungkook’s shirt. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know what to—”
“Yoongi,” Jungkook interrupts, his voice low, firm, almost dangerous as he speaks without taking his eyes off of you. “When she’s okay, we’re going to leave.”
Yoongi immediately agrees, his expression growing more concerned as he watches you fall apart in Jungkook’s arms, “Y-yeah-uh, yeah, I can drive you guys if—”
“If you or Jia ever drag her into your fucked-up situation again,” Jungkook finally lifts his gaze from you, staring coldly into Yoongi’s eyes as he continues, “you will both regret it.”
You’re slowly regaining control, your breathing evening out, but you’re still too drained to form words. You want to tell Jungkook that it’s not Yoongi’s fault. That you were just as much to blame. That you made this mess, too. But the words won’t come. You’re too spent, too weak to defend him.
Jungkook watches as you struggle to speak, your breath still uneven but slowly regulating. His focus is entirely on you, not caring about whatever unreadable expression Yoongi is wearing. Anger, regret—whatever the fuck, Jungkook couldn’t care less. All that matters to him is that your sobs have finally stopped and your breathing is settling.
You’re still trying to speak, no doubt in an attempt to defend your other best friend. The other best friend who’s standing a foot away from you looking like he was going to have a panic attack. Fucking pathetic, Jungkook thinks.
His gaze softens as he brushes his thumbs gently across your cheeks, wiping away the lingering tears. You pull back slightly, clearing your throat to try and gather your strength.
He raises an eyebrow in disapproval, silently telling you to stop straining yourself, but he lets it slide without comment. Your hand hastily moves to wipe your nose, your chest tightening in embarrassment by the state you’re in.
Jungkook moves your hand away, lifting the bottom of his t-shirt to gently wipe under your nose, the way someone would for a baby when they couldn't blow their own.
A raspy laugh escapes your lips before you can stop it and Jungkook’s lips quirk up at the sound, a little weight lifting from his heart as he finally sees you smile. He finishes wiping your face and lets the t-shirt fall back down, his hands resting on yours where they’ve settled on his leg.
“First one in a while,” he murmurs softly, still ignoring Yoongi’s presence across the room, allowing you to play absentmindedly with his hand.
“Yeah,” you nod, sniffing one last time. “Thought they were gone… Thank you for helping m—” Your voice falters, confusion clouding your expression as you look up at him. “Wait, how are you here? Where did you—when did you—”
“He slept here. On the couch.”
Yoongi’s voice interrupts, and your gaze snaps to him, brows knitting further in confusion. What? He knew Jungkook was here? And didn’t tell you? “Wha—”
“Saw him when I went to grab water in the middle of the night,” Yoongi adds, resting casually against his dresser.
Annoyance flickers inside you, and you don’t even know why. Maybe it’s the fact that Yoongi didn’t tell you Jungkook was sleeping out there, alone on the couch. Or maybe it’s the sudden wave of nausea rising in your throat at the realization that Jungkook might have heard everything.
“You ready to go?” Jungkook’s gentle voice pulls you back to the present, his thumb grazing over your knuckles. He leans forward and grabs your jeans from the floor, handing them to you without a word. You give a quick nod, accepting them and walking to the ensuite to put them on.
A few minutes later, you emerge from the bathroom, looking a little more put together. Your face is rinsed, and your hair is tied back into a ponytail, but the redness around your eyes remains, making Jungkook’s stomach churn. He doesn’t say anything, just watches you cross the room silently.
You step forward, hugging Yoongi tightly, your voice small. “I’m really sorry, Yoongi. I just—”
“Don’t,” Yoongi cuts you off, shaking his head. “You don’t need to apologize, bug.”
Jungkook, who had been waiting near the doorway, catches the end of your conversation. His jaw clenches when he hears Yoongi say, “I won’t mention anything to Jia.”
You nod, assuming he means that he’ll let you break the news to her yourself. “Thanks, Yoongi. I’ll come see her later toni—”
“No, bug.” Yoongi interrupts again, his tone a little firmer this time. “I won’t say anything at all...”
You blink, confused. Your brows knit together as you search his face, trying to understand. He wanted to keep this a secret? From Jia, one of your best friends? The woman he’s in love with?
When it seems like you can’t find the words to say, Jungkook approaches quietly, your sandals in hand, nudging them toward you. You break your gaze from Yoongi to slip into them, but your eyes flick back to him, silently begging for more explanation. He offers none.
Jungkook stands close and quietly behind you, waiting for you to finish up, and he hopes you do it soon because he really doesn’t want to be in this house anymore. You finally avert your gaze from Yoongi, still confused and dazed, but suddenly desperate to leave. Jungkook reads the look instantly, repressing back what he really wants to say to Yoongi for the sake of your presence, slipping his hand into yours before leading you out of the apartment.
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“Damn it,” Jungkook mutters, clicking his tongue in frustration, the sound echoing in the roomy cabin of his Jeep.
You glance over at him after fiddling with the knob of his car heater, noting his annoyed features. “Hm? You okay?”
“We left our drinks there.” A borderline adorable pout coats his lips as he sighs, and despite the heaviness in your chest, you can’t help but smile.
“It’s okay.” You shrug, looking down at your lap. “Don’t want them anymore.”
Jungkook glances at you, and the moment his eyes catch your expression, his heart twists. He wants to cup your face in his hands, massage your frown away, and tell you everything will be fine. But at the same time, all he can think about is driving back to Yoongi’s apartment after he drops you off at home and beating the ever-loving shit out of him.
He’s so fucking angry.
Angry at how Yoongi would claim such a priceless fucking gift from the sweetest fucking girl and leave her hurt in the process. Angry at how he knows you’re blaming yourself for everything that happened last night when he would bet every cent to his name that you have nothing to be truly sorry for. Angry at the thought of how Jia will react, and how devastated you’re going to be. He knows Jia’s history well enough to predict that she will somehow make this all your fault.
Jungkook's grip on the steering wheel tightens, his knuckles turning white as he takes a shaky breath. “It’s not your fault, bug,” he says as softly as he can in his vexed state.
Your eyes fill with tears again, and a sad laugh escapes you. “Of course it is.”
Jungkook shakes his head, his jaw tightening as he signals right and pulls over to the side of the road. As soon as the engine cuts off, his hand finds yours, and he turns to face you. “Bug—”
“I told him, you know,” you sniffle through a short chuckle, cringing at what a shit-show this whole ordeal is. “I told him I loved him. And-and he said he loved me too.”
Jungkook’s heart stops. “He what?” He doesn’t know if you heard his words; he barely heard them himself. But when you purse your lips and nod sarcastically, he knows that you did.
“Yup. Said that I’m pretty and sweet and funny and that anyone would be lucky to have me.” You scoff bitterfly, using the hand not in the grasp of Jungkook’s to wipe your tears. “Apparently not anyone because he clearly didn’t want me. God, I’m so pathetic. This is all just so pathetic.”
You finish wiping your face and dry your hand on your jeans, your thumb gently rubbing over Jungkook’s knuckles. “Sorry, Gukkie,” you croak, sensing the way he tensed up and went quiet, probably due to all of your whining. “I’m done, promise. No more crying.”
Jungkook remains still, his brows furrowed as his gaze is fixed on nothing in particular, lost in thought. “Gukkie?” you ask softly, nudging his hand with your finger to snap him out of it. Nothing.
You squint at him playfully, deciding to poke his cheek this time. It works, though the reaction is faint—a tiny twitch at the corner of his mouth, but you catch it.
Your head tilts as you move your finger from his cheek down to his lips, ready to poke again, but your focus wavers. His lips. They’re so pink. So plump. So pretty.
“You are the furthest thing from pathetic, bug.” His voice is soft, drawing your attention back to his words, but your eyes remain on his lips. You smile at the way they shape each letter, his slight lisp curling around certain syllables.
A quiet sigh leaves you, and your hand drops to the buckle of his seatbelt, releasing it with a click. You unfasten your own as well before leaning over the center console. Jungkook’s hands move instinctively, helping guide you as you crawl into his lap, melting into his embrace.
He wraps his arms around you, pulling you closer and making sure you’re comfortable in his lap. One hand plays gently with your ponytail while the other traces soothing circles on your back. You bury your face in the curve of his neck, inhaling his familiar scent—a blend of his cologne that defied the night and the comforting aroma of soft linen that always reminds you of him.
“Don’t deserve you,” you mumble, your breath tickling his skin. His muscles relax instantly, his body turning to mush under your weight.
Cuddling like this isn’t anything new for the two of you. It’s become your go-to after a rough day at work, or at uni. Whenever you meet him at his car after class, you more often than not end up in this exact position.
Jungkook remembers that one time a classmate walked past and saw you in his lap, assuming you were doing more than just seeking comfort from your best friend. You got so embarrassed that you stopped cuddling him in his car for a while. Jungkook hadn’t cared at all, but he realized it really bothered you. So, maybe he booked his Jeep in for window tinting that night.
But even though this is routine, it doesn’t stop Jungkook from from turning into a lovesick puppy when you do end up snuggling him. Because he does. Every single time.
“If anyone deserves me, it’s you, bug,” he responds quietly.
Your hand strokes through his tousled hair, your fingers occasionally scratching his scalp the way he likes, and Jungkook has to bite back a pathetic whine. The way you hold him, the way your nose brushes against his neck, it’s too much and not enough at the same time. “I love you, Gukkie. I’m sorry for being such a bad friend.”
“I love you too, bug,” he replies easily, tugging your shirt down as it rides up when you snuggle deeper into him. “But if you say one more untrue, negative thing about yourself, you’re walking to uni tomorrow.” The half-hearted threat is followed by a gentle nudge of his head.
You pull back slightly, observing him quietly. His eyes are closed, his head resting peacefully against the seat. He looks so content, so at ease, and you wish he could stay like this forever.
Jungkook senses your gaze and squints his eyes open, a single brow raising in question. He adjusts your ponytail with a soft touch, waiting for you to say something. But you just shake your head and give him a sweet smile before climbing off his lap and settling back into your seat.
“Can we go watch that anime with the girl you said reminds you of me?”
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It’s been eight days since that night. Yoongi and Jia have reunited like nothing ever happened, and it’s driving you fucking crazy. He still hasn’t told her.
You’ve seen them at university during the weekdays since then, and everything is normal. Jia has been normal, Yoongi has been normal. It’s like nothing ever happened.
Three days ago, at the peak of your anxiety from keeping the secret, you caved.
The second you got home, you collapsed onto your bed, phone gripped tightly in your shaky hands. After six long rings, Yoongi finally picked up.
“Hey, Y/N—”
“I feel fucking sick, Yoongi. Please tell her. The longer we wait, the worse it’s going to be. This isn’t okay.”
Yoongi’s sigh came low through the receiver, already giving you that sinking feeling in your chest. He's not going to tell her.
“She doesn’t need to know. It doesn’t concern her. It was just a simple mistake, and we weren’t even together at the time, bug. It's fine.”
It was just a simple mistake.
If you didn’t already feel pathetic, you sure as hell do now.
Maybe he’s right. Maybe she doesn’t need to know.
You’ve tried convincing yourself of that ever since your phone call. But deep down, you know that if the situation were reversed, you’d want to know.
Not that you ever would be, because Jia would never do something as horrible as this to you.
Over the past week, three things have been haunting you: hurting Jia, being a shitty friend, and not feeling as heartbroken as you thought you would be when, in the span of twelve hours, Yoongi:
Told you he loved you (nice).
Slept with you (nice).
Said he was getting back with his ex-girlfriend (not so nice).
You’ve been in love with Yoongi for your entire adult life and so much of your childhood that you can’t even pinpoint when it all truly started.
When you think of Min Yoongi, you think of that warm, fuzzy feeling that swirls in your chest whenever someone you like walks into a room. The excitement of scanning the crowd at a party, hoping to catch a glimpse of their figure. That extra spark of joy when it was your joke that made them laugh.
Or, at least, that’s what you used to think.
Now when you think of Min Yoongi, you think of a friend. Someone you care about. Someone you appreciate. Someone you love… but aren’t in love with.
The events of last Friday night might very well be the reason for the sudden, drastic change in your heart. Maybe you’ve finally developed enough self-respect to stop chasing after someone who clearly doesn’t want you in that way.
You ignore the voice in the back of your mind that snarkily whispers, “Yeah, just… like… ten years late, honey.”
But, still. You aren’t 100% sure. And it’s driving you fucking mad.
Sure, you could just chalk it up to you being so hurt that the pain, you don’t know, numbed itself out?
But that wouldn’t be honest.
You know yourself. You’re an over-planner, an overthinker, and maybe (most definitely) an overreactor.
Over the years, you’d curated a long, arduous list of ways you thought you’d handle Yoongi’s rejection when the time inevitably came, hoping to better prepare yourself for it.
But not caring? Yeah, that wasn’t on the list. It wasn’t even in the fucking notebook.
You aren’t going to say that you’re unhappy about not being a weepy ball of tears and snot for an entire month, (which was on the list—quite high on it, in fact) but you just can’t help but be completely puzzled.
This isn’t you. You don’t… not care.
If there’s one thing you’ve always done, it’s care.
So, you can’t, for the life of you, figure out why you don’t.
"Caramel coffee frappé for Jeon Jung—huh?" you pause mid-callout, glancing up as the name on the cup registers in your brain. Your eyes land on your best friend, standing close on the other side of the pick-up counter.
"Hi, bug." Jungkook smiles softly, his hand already reaching for the drink that’s frozen in midair as you blink at him in surprise.
"Hi, Gukkie," you grin, the surprise melting into delight as you grab a paper straw from beside you and unwrap it for him. "What are you doing here? I don’t finish until four."
He shrugs, taking the straw from your outstretched hand and popping it into the cup. "Bored at home," he says, taking a long sip. "Thought I’d come early and—mmm, shit, bug, this is nice."
Your eyes crinkle in satisfaction as you watch him down almost a quarter of the frappé in one go. "I told you it’s the best drink we have," you nod knowingly, before a small frown starts to form. "But it’s not your usual, so I didn’t know it was yours… Should’ve told me you were here so I could’ve added my discount, Gukkie."
Jungkook just keeps drinking, hoping the brain freeze would distract him from the urge to reach across the counter and wipe the pretty little pout from your lips. "They gave it to me anyway," he mumbles around the straw. "Didn’t even ask."
And he wouldn’t have. Jungkook has money—and plenty of it. More than he’ll ever actually need. But it’s mostly blood money from his guilty father, which he has no problem in taking it without so much as a thank you. You know all this, yet you still badger him to use your 25% staff discount whenever he visits you at work. Cute.
You smile at that, glancing over at the register where Bella’s back from her break. She knows Jungkook’s with you, so it must’ve been her who added the discount. "Good. I’m glad," you hum, leaning against the counter, chin resting on your hand as you look at him. "What are you going to do? It’s only two-thirty."
Jungkook grabs a complimentary caramel drizzle bottle, aiming it over his cup. He probably doesn’t mean to be so rough—it’s just that he’s naturally strong—and you watch as nearly half the bottle spurts into his drink with one squeeze. “I’ll just hang out here until you’re done. Got any breaks left?”
You laugh, reaching over and grabbing the bottle from him. "You’re gonna get a stomachache, Gukkie." Shaking your head, you roll your eyes. "But yeah. One left. I’ll take it now?"
Jungkook scoops up some of the caramel with his straw, a slight smirk on his lips as he shoves it in his mouth. "Okay," he nods, gesturing toward the door with his head. "Come out for a smoke?"
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The cool breeze is a gorgeous contrast to the warm, stuffy air behind the coffee bar as you burst through the door of the campus café. Jungkook holds it open for you, and as your shoe hits the pavement, you instinctively grab his hand, pulling him along with you.
It’s only another twenty seconds before you reach the secluded smoker’s spot near the outdoor stock corral. Leaning against the wall, you plop to the ground and giggle when Jungkook pretends to get yanked down with you, falling beside you with exaggerated force.
You shift into a criss-cross legged position, letting go of his hand so he can dig his lighter from his hoodie pocket. His shoulder becomes your makeshift pillow as you curl your right arm with his left, watching as he sparks the cigarette that dangles from his lips. Once the cherry glows red, he shoves the lighter away and rests his hand gently on your knee.
“How’s your shift going?” Jungkook asks, smoke curling from his mouth as he tilts his head away from you to blow it out of your direction.
“Good, it’s kinda quiet today,” you hum softly, eyes drifting shut. The mix of tobacco and Hermès cologne definitely shouldn’t make you feel so peaceful. But on him, it does.
“Good.” He nods, his gaze raking over you properly now that you’ve shrugged off your apron. Light-washed jeans, a little white singlet, black cotton cardi. He takes a deep drag of the cigarette, letting the smoke linger in his lungs before he comments, “Look so pretty today, bug.”
Your eyes flutter open as you blink up at him, beaming. “Really?”
He nods, holding the cigarette away with his right hand as he reaches over to tug gently at the cardigan with his left. “This new? S’nice.”
"It is," you nod happily, leaning back and twisting a little to show it off to him. He bites back a smile. “Just came yesterday. It's from my online Polly order. Remember?”
“Mhm,” he says, slipping an arm around you as you settle back into his side. A comfy silence stretches until you break it.
“Don’t wanna go to Yoongi and Jia’s tonight,” you murmur, your voice low, strained. The calm on your face shifts into something more pained, and Jungkook doesn't like that.
“Then we won’t,” he responds easily, tilting his chin up to exhale the smoke away from your face. “Movie night?”
You let out a sad sigh, head tilting up in time to catch the way the muscle in his jaw moves as he exhales. “Already canceled yesterday. If we do it again today, Jia will know something’s up.”
“So?” Jungkook turns to you, tongue pressing against the inside of his cheek as he looks down at your glossy eyes. “I’ll call them. Tell them I’m sick and you need to take care of me or something,” he shrugs, flicking the ash off the cigarette.
“You think that’ll work?” You speak with a slight muffle as your cheek presses against his bicep.
“Don’t care if it doesn’t,” he replies honestly, a soft smile tugging at his lips as he watches you melt further into his hold.
You shake your head, amused, the motion shifting against his arm. “They’re our best friends, Gukkie—”
“You’re my best friend,” he cuts you off simply, finishing the cigarette and tossing the stub into the makeshift ashtray nearby.
Your eyebrows scrunch at his stubbornness. “And you’re mine.” You roll your eyes, trying to keep the smile pulling at your lips under control. “But you know what I mean…”
Jungkook sniffs, the chill finally settling in now that the cigarette's heat is gone. “Yeah, I know, bug. But you shouldn’t have to feel like this about going over there. Yoongi put you in an awkward fucking position, even if he doesn’t think so.”
You sigh again. “I feel like I’m overreacting about all of this. He says she doesn’t need to know, and maybe—”
“Such a pussy,” Jungkook mutters, annoyance evident as his thumb continues rubbing slow circles on your knee.
You snort at his bluntness, leaning into his arm. “I won’t say anything as long as he doesn’t want me to. But I can’t face her. Not outside of school. If I do, I might just word vomit everything the second I see her.”
Jungkook rests his head against yours, crooning. “Yeah, you do word vomit a lot.”
You close your eyes through a snicker, squeezing his arm teasingly. “Hm, thanks, Gukkie.”
A few quiet moments pass. Jungkook nudges his nose gently against the top of your head, his voice low when he speaks again. “You know you’re not ‘overreacting’ at all, right? Yoongi is a piece of shit for what he did. And even someone like Jia deserves the whole truth.”
You ignore his jab at Jia, having tried—and failed—many times to convince him that she’s actually a good person. “You keep acting like Yoongi did this all by himself, Gukkie. I’m just as guilty as he is.”
Jungkook scoffs, shaking his head. “Not really.”
“Yes, really,” you insist, poking his side gently. “It was completely consensual—”
“I’m not just talking about the sex, bug,” Jungkook swallows hard, more than unenthusiastic about delving into the specifics of your night with Yoongi. One run-through was enough—and even then, he barely held back the contents of his stomach.
“It’s everything else. Before and after. Telling you he loved you like it was some obligation when you admitted your feelings? Dropping the news about getting back with Jia how he did? You’d been awake for five fucking minutes, bug. You were naked and vulnerable in his fucking bed.”
Jungkook pauses roughly to regain his composure, and you instinctively move closer, feeling his anger on your behalf. You’re about to tell him he’s right, that you understand, but he isn’t done.
“And then for him to not even give his girlfriend the bare fucking minimum of being able to make an informed decision about their relationship? Fucking coward. What if she doesn’t want to stay with him after finding out? He’ll have already taken months of her life from her. Yoongi is prolonging the pain for everyone involved. And I don’t know how long he intends to keep this shit going, but if Jia catches on, and she takes it out on you? Bug, I’ll fucking kill him—”
“Gukkie,” you gently interrupt, shifting your arms from around his bicep to wrap around his waist instead.
As you hug him close, your legs shift to tangle with his because you know he likes the contact. His rigid muscles gradually begin to ease, and you settle against him with a soft sigh. “I’m so sorry, Gukkie. I should’ve thought about what this might bring up for you.”
Although not an exact replica, the situation had similarities to what Jungkook witnessed in his childhood; his father being an unfaithful piece of shit to his mom.
It began with small actions like working late, claiming extra shifts on weekends... withholding the whole truth from his partner.
Jungkook’s mom, an amaing woman and a second to your own, stayed in the marriage for as long as she could—for Jungkook and his older brother, Jisung. But eventually, she realized leaving was the best thing she could do for them.
You were in your early teens when the Jeons temporarily moved in with your family until his parents settled their divorce and his mom found a new place for them to go.
Jungkook’s father, a powerful and successful proprietor, was his role model during his entire childhood, and when he lost that bond, it broke him.
Even though some of your best memories together came from that period—sleepovers, movie marathons, him teaching you how to sing—you knew the divorce had a greater impact on Jungkook than he liked to let on.
However, he still likes to joke darkly that if he could relive those days with you, he’d go through the divorce all over again without hesitation. That always results in a wack in the arm from you.
Jungkook shakes his head and his lips part, no doubt to tell you not to apologize, you butt in again. “You’re right, Gukkie. What Yoongi did, what he’s doing, it’s wrong.” His hand moves from your knees to curl around your shoulder, pulling you closer to his chest.
“Okay, this won’t just go away. Jia deserves to know.” You glance up at him to find his eyes already on you. “Tonight?”
Jungkook’s gaze softens. He nods, leaning down to press a kiss to the top of your head, careful not to disturb your tidy bun. As you trace slow circles on his waist with your fingertips, he pulls out his phone and shows you the time—2:58pm. You gasp, scrambling to your feet.
Jungkook laughs, standing up and letting you drag him back toward the café, ready to take the blame from your shift manager, Jimin, for you being back fifteen minutes late. Park Jimin loves him, after all.
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“Bug! Kookie!” Jia’s excited voice rings out from the room she shares with Yoongi as you and Jungkook step into the oh-so-familiar apartment.
Yoongi closes the door quietly behind you both, the hug he usually greets you with noticeably absent. Instead, he reaches out to clasp Jungkook’s hand in a brief bro-shake, which Jungkook returns half-heartedly, before Yoongi heads straight for the kitchen.
Jungkook watches Yoongi’s retreat with a slight furrow in his brow, his jaw tightening as he registers Yoongi’s failure to acknowledge you at all. When he looks over to you, you just shrug, not as bothered by his childish antics as you thought you would be.
After your shift ended, Jungkook drove you back to your place to grab a change of clothes. Then, you headed to his apartment so you could use his shower—the one with the best fucking water pressure ever.
Your lease is up at the end of the year, and then you'll finally be moving into Jungkook's place.
Living on your own for senior year seemed like a good idea when you decided to move out of the dorms, but that novelty wore off real fucking fast. Being away from Jungkook was not ideal and you hated not being able to see him whenever you wanted. His dorm wasn’t too far, but it was still on the other side of campus, and overnight visits to dorms of the opposite gender were prohibited.
Jungkook didn’t care, of course—he snuck over anyway, stacking up a few too many strikes from student monitors and professors who caught him.
So, when you moved from the dorms into a your cute little flat, Jungkook did the same, finding one just a few minutes away. There were no free spaces at your building for him to take, so he told you to move into his instead—that plenty of apartments were available. But when you saw the rent price, you just laughed. You knew he had every intention of covering it anyway, but you couldn't do that to him, no matter how much you wanted to live together.
That’s why you’ve been working more lately. Shifts at the campus café during the week and extra hours at Seoul Cinema on weekends. With what you’ve saved, plus a little help from your mom, you’ll soon be moving in with your best friend and gaining 24/7 access to him and that gorgeous fucking shower.
Earlier, when you were about to step into the bathroom, you called Jia to confirm what time she wanted you guys over. That’s when she casually revealed that the plan for tonight had changed—that everyone was heading to Joonie’s, your friend group’s favorite club, instead.
Panic flared in your chest and you almost blurted everything to her right there on the phone. Sensing it, Jungkook took the phone from your hand, calmly telling Jia that you’d be there at nine before hanging up.
You poked at him for ending the call without letting her respond, but deep down, you were relieved. You knew you had to tell her everything in person. If not for the respect of your thirteen-year-long friendship, but because doing it over the phone just felt so cowardly.
You know telling her tonight, before you all head out to drink, is risky. She could blow up, scream, and tell you to fuck off—which you’re fully expecting—but at least it’ll be in the privacy of her own home.
So now, here you are, standing awkwardly in the apartment that’s haunted your dreams for the past eight straight nights. Gone are your comfy pants and Jungkook’s warm hoodie. Instead, you’re squeezed into a black mini-skirt and a tight little top, wishing you were anywhere else in the world.
Deflated, you let Jungkook take the bottle of tequila from your arms as you make your way toward the room where Jia's still getting ready. The door is slightly ajar, and you give it a gentle knock.
“Ji?” Your voice comes out quieter than you intended, so you clear your throat and take a cautious step inside when she tells you to come in. As soon as you catch sight of your beautiful best friend, a smile automatically paints your lips.
Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry.
“Buggy!” Jia grins, snapping the cap onto her eyeliner before tossing it aside and striding over to you. When the long-legged girl extends her arms for a hug, you embrace her tightly.
“Hey, Ji. You look so good."
“You too, babe. You wore red like I asked! God, we look so hot matching.” Jia smirks as she pulls away, letting her eyes roam over your outfit before tilting her head in thought.
You swallow, waiting patiently for her assessment. Usually, she finds one or two minor things that could be improved for your clubbing outfits, and you pray she doesn’t find anything, because it’s a thirty-minute drive back to your place to make the adjustments.
Not that you think that tonight's plans will still go ahead after what you’re about to say.
To your surprise and relief, she nods in approval before turning back to her floor-length mirror. Jack Harlow plays lowly from her phone that rests on her dresser, and she hums along to it, fixing a few pieces of hair that have fallen out of place.
When you’re quiet for a long moment, something usually very out of the ordinary for you, Jia catches your eye in the mirror and her head tilts. “What’s wrong?”
You swallow. Your mouth opens. Then closes.
Jia’s brows knit together as she turns away from the mirror to face you directly. “What is it, bug? Is it Yoongi?”
Your heart plummets. “Wh-what?”
“He told me you stayed over last Friday? After Kookie took me to my mom’s?” Jia continues, her tone curious but confused. “Said you thought you could handle his whiskey, and he didn’t want to leave you on the couch, so you slept in our room. I almost didn’t believe it…”
“I—” you stammer.
“As if you’d ever willingly touch that disgusting whiskey he drinks. You can barely handle soju.” Jia chuckles.
“HAH! Yeah, you know me! Can’t handle my hard liquor… Would-would put me right on my ass!”
Jia’s amused squint deepens as she eyes you closely. “You’re acting weird.” She tilts her head with a teasing smile. “Did you have one of Kookie’s special cigarettes again? Because you know those are—”
“Jia.” Fuck. Word vomit. It’s happening. “I need to—”
“Change those shoes? I know, I was going to say something before, but you looked kinda sad… Hold on, I’ll—”
“No, Jia. I have to tell—”
The bedroom door swings open before you can finish. The words die in your throat as you whip your head toward the entrance. Tears well in your eyes as you turn to see who it is. Out of the two most likely options it could’ve been, unfortunately, it is not the one you hoped it was.
Yoongi stands in the doorway, his expression unreadable as his gaze flickers between you and Jia. The tension in the room rises dramatically, but Jia remains unfazed.
“Jagi,” Jia greets him with a bright, oblivious smile. “Just telling buggy how cute she looks in red. Doesn’t she look amazing?”
Yoongi nods at Jia, but his eyes are locked on you. There’s guilt swimming in his gaze, but it’s overpowered by something stronger. Desperation.
Earlier today, after talking to Jia, you called Yoongi to confess that you couldn’t keep it hidden anymore. That you were going to tell her tonight.
His reaction was beyond unhappy. After five minutes of him practically begging you to keep quiet, he abruptly ended the call when he realized you wouldn’t change your mind.
“Jagiya, can I borrow Y/N for a sec—”
“No.” The words leave your lips so firmly that you’re almost surprised.
Behind Yoongi, you catch sight of Jungkook’s approaching figure. His head tilts slightly—his nonverbal way of asking if you’re okay in situations where you guys can’t speak. Ignoring Yoongi’s dejected look, you give Jungkook a small nod before turning back to Jia.
“What’s going on?” Jia’s eyes dart between you and Yoongi. “Why are you both acting so weird?”
“I’m so sorry, Jia—” You begin, your voice shaking.
“Y/N,” Yoongi pleads, but you refuse to look at him.
“Yoongi, just give them some space, man—”
“Don’t tell me what to fucking do, Kook,” Yoongi spits back, taking a further step into the bedroom.
Your brows furrow as your head snaps toward Yoongi. “Don’t talk to him like that. I’m telling her—”
“Tell me what?” Jia huffs as she steps forward, and soon the couple are both staring at you with two very different strands of frustrated expressions.
Your heart pounds at both the lack of distance and the looks you’re receiving, but you push through. You can do this. “Ji, on Friday—”
“Jagiya, wait, don’t liste—”
Jungkook’s scoff cuts Yoongi off, and you can see both men getting more and more heated by the second. He doesn’t take his eyes off Yoongi when he speaks to you. “Bug, take Jia into the living room. I need to talk to Yoongi.”
Yoongi turns to glare at Jungkook. “Stay the fuck out of this, Jeongguk.”
“Or what?” Jungkook’s reply is immediate, his brows raising as if he genuinely wanted to know the answer.
“Y/N, just spit it out. What are you saying?” Jia demands, her voice rising with frustration.
“I—”
“Don’t, Y/N,” Yoongi warns, stepping forward, but Jungkook stops him.
“Stop fucking walking closer to her, Yoongi—”
“You have no fucking right, Y/N—”
“Y/N, just tell me—”
“No, Jagi, stop—”
“Yoongi, fuck off! Just let her tell me—”
“I slept with him.”
All the noise in the room dies out at your words. Jungkook is standing beside you now, his arm brushing lightly against yours, but you can barely feel it. All you can feel is Jia’s eyes on you, her expression completely unreadable.
Tears well up in your eyes, but you refuse to let them fall. “I slept with Yoongi when Jeongguk was taking you to your mom’s. Jia, you need to know how fucking sorry I am. I wasn’t thinking straight, and-and it just happened—”
“It just happened?” Jia’s voice cuts through your apology with a pitying laugh. Her eyes never leave yours, not even to glance at her boyfriend, who’s running his hand through his hair roughly, his eyes red-rimmed. For someone who said it was so unimportant and didn’t matter, he sure isn’t acting like it.
“No, I—no. It didn’t just happen. I did it. And I can’t explain how fucking sorry I am—”
“Yeah, you said that already,” Jia interrupts, her tone dismissive. Her gaze rakes over your body as though she’s bored.
You stand there, struggling to find the right words. “I know I broke your trust, Jia, and I’m so s—”
“If you say you’re sorry one more time, bug…” Jia rolls her eyes, brushing her hair back over her shoulder before turning to check her reflection in the mirror.
Your mouth snaps shut.
Where’s the screaming? Where’s the kicking you out of her apartment? Where’s the—
“Who initiated it?” Jia’s tone is uninterested as she runs a finger gently around the edge of her slightly smudged lip liner.
You glance at Yoongi, but his eyes are glued to the floor. “I don’t remember,” you admit quietly. The moment was a blur—his confession had thrown you off balance. It could’ve been him, but maybe it was you.
Jia gives you a skeptical look through the mirror, as if she doesn’t believe you, but then she turns to Yoongi. “Who initiated it, Jagi?”
As Yoongi hesitates, you feel Jungkook’s eyes on you again. You glance up at him, the boy who had been seething with anger just minutes ago, only to find him looking at you in concern. Blinking away the tears, you reach out to brush the back of his hand with your pinky finger.
“I did, Jagiya. I’m sorry. I was hurt that you left me, and I needed to forget,” Yoongi finally says.
His explanation seems to bring some relief to Jia’s face, and you brace yourself for the inevitable ache in your chest at his words. But it doesn’t come. If anything, Jungkook is more affected by what he had to say, judging by the way his jaw tightens and his hand clenches into a fist beneath your pinky.
“Okay,” Jia nods at Yoongi before reaching for her clutch on the dresser. As she casually tucks her phone and keys inside, you glance over at Jungkook, your confusion evident, but the look he returns is calm—like he expected this.
With a roll of her eyes, Jia glances back at the three of you. “Did you bring the tequila like I asked?”
When her eyes meet yours, you nod instinctively, trying your best to mask your unease. “Yes. It’s, um, in the kitchen. Jia, is everything—”
“We weren’t together, Y/N. It’s not like you’re still fucking… are you?”
“No.” You choke instantly, almost shuddering at the thought.
“Okay, then. Let’s start pres and then go.” With that, Jia walks out of the room, leaving you standing there, completely dumbfounded.
This isn’t what you were expecting.
You’ve never experienced Jia’s anger firsthand, but you’ve witnessed it many times before, and this is the last reaction you could’ve ever expected.
Maybe she’s in shock, and it’ll come ot later. Or maybe… maybe she really doesn’t think it’s a big deal? She’s so incredible like that, so understanding.
The room stays quiet as Jungkook remains rooted beside you. Yoongi lets out a short sniffle before trailing after Jia without glancing at either of you. The door slams shut behind him, leaving you and Jungkook alone in his bedroom.
As soon as Yoongi’s gone, Jungkook turns to face you, the warmth of his body washing a sense of comfort over you that you don’t deserve in the slightest.
“Are you alright, bug?” he asks carefully, his hand lifting to adjust the strap of your top that had shifted slightly across your shoulder.
“Of course I’m okay. I just… I don’t understand, she’s not even mad at me—”
“Good. She shouldn’t be—”
“What? Yes, she should, Jeongguk.” His brows furrow. “Please, stop acting like I did nothing wrong—”
“You think I didn’t notice how you took all the blame when you were telling her?”
“It doesn’t matter how it came off, Jeongguk.” His expression tenses further.  “It doesn’t matter how I sugar coat it. The fact is, we messed up. And she’s so fucking nice that she didn’t even—”
“Nice?” He almost scoffs, his lips twisting into a wry smile. “Bug, did you really not see that response for what it truly was? Come on…”
“What are you talking about?” You try to keep your voice down despite the door being closed and a random Drake song pounding through the walls. “You saw the same thing I did! She barely even said anything—”
“Exactly. She barely said anything. We’ve known her for how many years? And when has Seong Jia ever not said something? Think about it, bug. She’s going to hold onto this and use it against you—”
“Why do you always think the worst? Why do you think so poorly of her—”
“Because I see the way she fucking treats you, Y/N!” Jungkook takes a step back, his voice rising as frustration pulses through him. “Even if you don’t see it, I see it.”
Your eyes well up with tears, and you blink rapidly, trying to keep them at bay. In the fifteen years you’ve known Jungkook, you’ve only had two heated arguments—this being the third. And, though you push the thought aside, you can’t ignore that all three fights were about Jia.
“This—this blind loyalty you have for me is flattering,” you mutter bitterly through your tears, “but you’re wrong. She’s a good friend.”
“Blind loyalty?” He forces a laugh, incredulous. “The only thing blind is you for not being able to tell when someone’s treating you like shit!”
“Yeah?” you scoff.
“Yeah.” He nods mockingly, taking a step closer. “You think you haven’t earned my fucking loyalty?”
“Oh, I know I have.” You cross your arms defensively. “If I’ve earned anything, it’s your fucking loyalty! But you need to acknowledge that I can make mistakes too—”
“I do acknowledge when you make mistakes.”
“No, you don’t, Jeongguk!” Your hands fly out in a frustrated gesture as he closes the distance between you even more. “You didn’t when I overfed your goldfish and it died from bloating! You didn’t when I signed up for that People Magazine free trial using your card, and you got charged for an entire year! And now you’re doing it again—”
“That shit doesn’t matter, bug!”
“You’re saying this doesn’t matter?”
“No, it doesn’t.”
“How could it possibly not matter—”
“Because I know what it feels like to be so in love with somebody that it consumes you.”
Your mouth snaps shut. As Jungkook continues, his gaze remains fixed on you, but his eyes are distant. “That any sign of that feeling truly being reciprocated would make you do unspeakable fucking things.”
The frustration coursing through your veins fizzles out, replaced by a sudden, painful wave of pure jeal—confusion.
“What?” It comes out as a whisper.
Jungkook doesn’t answer, his eyes just continuing to trace the lines of your face.
“You love somebody?” The bitterness in your tone is obvious, but you don’t can't stop. “We tell each other everything… and you didn’t care to tell me that you’re in love with someone?”
His silence is so unsettling that it prompts a painful laugh from you. “Oh, okay.” You give a sharp nod, “if that’s how you want to be. Fine. I’ll just start keeping fucking secrets from you too, then.”
The lack of response from him only fuels the fire inside you, and before you can stop yourself, the words keep pouring out. “Why aren’t you saying anything? Why wouldn’t you tell me? Is it someone from uni? What the fuck, Jeongguk—”
“It’s nobody you know.”
“I—” You stare at him, your eyes wide, disbelief flooding your system as your arms drop to your sides. “I know everyone you know!”
This time, you don’t even try to stop the tears that are building behind your lashes from spilling over. But the fiery, sour feeling burning a hole in your gut is too strong, too raw, and you’re not ready to acknowledge what it might mean.
“If you don’t want to tell me, fine. But don’t lie to me.” Your voice trembles at the end as you lift a shaky hand to wipe under your nose, choking back a sob as tears slip into your breath.
Jungkook’s expression softens as he takes a step forward, cautiously reaching out his hand to touch your arm.
He tries not to think that your reaction is anything but a best friend being upset that their best friend didn’t tell them about an important part of their life.
He tries not to think that your reaction is because you can’t stand to think of him being in love with someone else.
He tries not to think about how much every cell in his body has ignited at the thought of you being possessive of him. Jealous of the person he’s in love with.
But it’s hard. So fucking hard. Because all he can see is the pain in your eyes, the hurt etched across your face.
Such a sight would usually bring him to his knees and have him doing anything to make the pain go away. But now, as fucked up as it is, all he feels is hope. Hope that maybe the reason you’re so upset is because you feel the same way he does.
“I’ve never lied to you, bug.” His voice is soft as he rubs up and down your bare arms gently.
“Hm,” you croak, wiping more tears away. “Until now.”
“Until now,” Jungkook echoes quietly, lifting his hand to gently cup your cheek, his thumb brushing away the tears that won't fucking stop.
You don’t know why you’re crying harder than you have in God knows how long. Why you don’t push Jungkook’s hand away even though you’re mad at him. Why you’re even mad in the first place.
Well, like you said earlier: you are an overreactor.
But it’s not like you and Jungkook haven’t had lovers in the past.
You had your first boyfriend last year, a sweet senior named Kim Taehyung. He was a great guy—kind, easygoing, gorgeous. He got along with most of your friends, and you were especially glad Jungkook liked him as his approval was the toughest to earn.
But something about Jungkook must have rubbed Taehyung the wrong way.
Before you and Tae officially started dating, you’d first met at a frat party that you attended with Jungkook as Yoongi and Jia had stayed in that night. The two of them got on super well, and you guys had even teamed up for beer pong together.
But after a few dates, and you eventually saying yes when he asked to go steady, things began to change.
Taehyung started asking you to sleep over at his frat more often, something you didn't really like to do (and something Jungkook certainly didn't like you doing either).
Soon, he was asking for details on which friends you were with whenever you hung out with someone. He even began to ask to switch to FaceTime calls when you’d mention specific names and leave out others.
At first, you didn’t think much of it. You’re a naturally clingy person too, so maybe it was just his way of showing he cared. But when he requested that you spend less time with just one friend in particular, that was where you drew the line.
It confused you, especially since you’d already cut back from spending all of your free time with Jungkook to about 40%, but he still wanted more. You’d told Taehyung from the start that Jungkook was your best friend and a huge part of your life, that you guys have always been close. He had no problem with that. Well, in the beginning, at least.
Naturally, you told Jungkook about Taehyung’s request, and you’d never seen him so angry. You reassured him not to worry, that it all wasn't sitting well with you, that you'd be ending things soon.
Jungkook relaxed at that.
He also dropped to his knees that night and sent up a prayer to the Goddess that it was finally fucking over. But you didn’t need to know that part.
As for Jungkook, he’s never been in relationship. He has been with two girls, though. Park Iseul and Cho Jiwon.
Iseul was great. You and her shared an Economics lecture, and you even used to sit next to her during classes.
She’d usually ask about Jungkook, and you’d give her updates, letting her know he was doing well. But whenever you’d try to pass on her messages to Jungkook, he would just refuse to hear them, asking you to stop sitting near her.
It seemed like Iseul picked up on the hint since she gradually found other seats during class, and so did you. You didn’t mind; she was still super nice, but you did scold Jungkook for his behavior. He apologized, but only to you, not to her.
Your encounter with Cho Jiwon, however, was… different.
‹ ‹ ‹
“Uhhh…”
The voice caught you off guard, making you turn from shutting the door behind you. Sitting at Jungkook’s kitchen island with a bowl of muesli, was a female around your age. You glanced at your surroundings, then the key in your hand to make sure this was indeed your best friend's apartment. It was.
“Oh, hello.” You greeted the pretty girl with a nod, adjusting the strap of your bag on your shoulder.
“Hello?” she responded, confused. Her eyes roamed over your Seoul Cinema uniform before narrowing slightly. “Who are you?”
“I’m Y/N,” you responded quietly. Unsure of what to say or do, you hesitated. “And… um, you?”
“Jiwon,” she replied, squinting a little. “Are you his girlfriend or something? Because he said he was single, but I should’ve known; he literally stopped in the middle of sex last night to answer a text…” Her voice trailed off as she tilted her head, “Wait, what was your name again?”
You blinked, a frown edging onto your face for her. You opened your mouth to repeat yourself when Jungkook stumbled out of his bedroom, rubbing a sleepy hand over his face.
“Bug?" He croaked, making his way toward you. "You okay? I was gonna come get you in a bit.” His bare chest was still warm as he wrapped his arms around you.
You pulled back from the hug with a quick apology. “Sorry, I got ready early and just walked over,” you said, gesturing toward Jiwon, still munching on her cereal. “Didn’t know you had someone over, though. I should’ve texted. I can ask Taehyung to drop me off at work and we can reschedule?”
Jungkook looked down at you, confused, then followed your gaze to Jiwon, who was still seated at his kitchen counter. He blinked in surprise, as though he had only just registered her presence. “Uh…are you okay?”
Your gaze snapped to his in surprise, and Jiwon’s expression turned sour. “What?”
“I thought you were leaving…” Jungkook’s brows knitted in confusion, eyeing her attire, which consisted only of his t-shirt. He hated that you were seeing this. “Did you need money for an Uber?”
“Jeongguk,” you frowned, shifting your bag on your shoulder as you glared at him. But Jiwon just rolled her eyes and scoffed.
“You could do so much better, girl,” she sneered at you, tugging off Jungkook’s t-shirt and tossing it at him as she got up. He caught it with little reaction, watching indifferently as she headed toward his room in her bra and underwear.
You were about to nudge him to apologize when she reemerged in her dress a moment later, throwing a glare over her shoulder. “Way better than a lying cheater, anyway.”
You opened your mouth to clarify. “No, Jiwon, we’re not—”
“Yeah, okay. Thanks, Jihyo,” Jungkook cut in boredly. “So, did you need money for that Uber?”
Your jaw dropped as you stared at him in utter disbelief while Jiwon just shook her head with a scoff. She angrily brushed past him and left, slamming the door behind her.
“Jeongguk, that was so rude.”
Jungkook just shrugged, tipping her cereal down the disposal and rinsing the bowl. “Bug, I already told her I had something to do in the morning and I’d need her to leave by 8 if she wanted to stay over.”
“I wish you would've told me. I wouldn’t have just barged in without calling first. That was so awkward.”
“You never need to call when you’re coming over,” he gave you a look. “And it wasn’t awkward.” He shrugged again, opening his dishwasher and putting the singular bowl and spoon in before starting a cycle.
“It was a little awkward,” you murmured, sighing. “You could have at least offered her a ride home.”
“Okay, okay, bug. I’ll repent for my sins later,” he nodded, walking over to slip your bag off your shoulder and set it on the couch. “You okay, though? Why’d you come over so early? I thought we were seeing the 10 o'clock movie since your shift starts at 1?”
You just shrugged, eyes shifting to the floor. Jungkook’s big hands cupped your face, gently tilting it up so you were looking at him. "Hm?" he prompted, squishing your cheeks slightly, coaxing your lips into a cute little pout.
When he let go enough for you to speak, you mumbled, “Dunno…haven’t seen you in a few days. Missed you.”
His brows knitted together, and his arms slid down to your waist, pulling you closer. “I missed you more, bug. What’s up, though? Did something happen?”
You exhaled, leaning into his chest as your arms wrapped around him. “No, just…feels weird not seeing you every day. I don't like it.”
His heart thumped at your words, and his fingers traced small circles along your back. “I get it. It's weird for me too. But your boyfriend probably doesn't like it very much, hm?”
You pulled back slightly to frown, “Gukkie—”
“Kidding,” he murmured with a soft chuckle, resting his head in the nape of your neck. He was most certainly not kidding. “I’m gonna shower, and then we can have some breakfast before we go, okay?”
You nodded, scratching his back a little as he pulled away, heading toward the bathroom while you settled on the couch to wait.
Breakfast was yummy. The movie was great. You and Taehyung broke up a week later.
› › ›
“Can you please tell me who it is?” you ask, looking up at him with a sniffle, feeling utterly defeated. You need to know.
Jungkook has never denied you when you ask him for something. Ever.
You would usually never take advantage of such a gift, but right now, you’re desperate. You know that this feeling won’t go away until he tells you. You need to know.
“I can.” His hand still rests on your cheek, his thumb pausing its soft caress as your tears finally stop. But even then, he doesn’t meet your gaze, his eyes fixed somewhere on the lower part of your face.
“Will you?” you ask, trying to catch his eye, but his gaze remains fixed on the bottom half of your face.
“I will,” he confirms tensely, reluctantly lifting his eyes to meet yours. His irises are a little darker than usual. “But I won’t tell you their name... I want you to guess for me, bug.”
Your brows furrow harshly, and you take a step back, not in the mood for games. But Jungkook immediately follows suit, as if he expected your movements. He easily closes the distance between you without losing the contact between your face and his hand.
“You’re really playing with me right now? Seriously, Jeong—”
“She’s the most beautiful person I’ve ever met in my entire life.”
Well, okay then.
You stop yourself from flinching, eyes snapping up to his to find them already locked on yours.
“She’s so fucking funny. Makes me laugh harder than anyone else in the world. And she doesn't even try.”
Yep. You’ve heard enough.
You swallow hard and raise your hand in an attempt to stop him, your mind racing for words. The fingers of his free hand wrap easily around your risen palm, bringing it to rest flat against his chest.
“All she has to do is walk in the room, and my heart beats so fucking hard that I’m scared she’s gonna hear it one day.”
You feel it—the rapid thump of his heartbeat beneath your palm. Your breath catches in your throat, and when your eyes meet his, you try to look away from the intensity, but you can’t.
No matter how foggy your vision becomes with tears, no matter how badly your hand trembles against his chest, no matter how hard it is to breathe with him looking at you like that—you can’t look away.
“I check my phone every five fucking minutes when we’re apart, just to see if she’s thinking about me like I’m thinking about her.”
Jungkook’s figure becomes a watery, blurry blob because you refuse to blink, as if the millisecond that your eyes are closed will somehow cause you to miss something crucial.
“She’s the first person I think of when I open my eyes in the morning,” he says quietly, “and the last when I fall asleep. I’m reminded of her by every single fucking thing. Even a stupid little toy figurine that looks nothing like her.”
At that, something inside you snaps, and without a second thought, you shove his hands away from you. Before he can react, your hands slide up to the back of his neck, pulling him down and pressing his mouth firmly against yours. Your eyes fall shut at the warmth of his lips, and then it happens.
Bursts of color explode behind your closed eyelids, vibrant and electric, filling every corner of your mind.
A surge of relief sweeps through your veins, washing away every single thing that came before this moment in a wave of perfect clarity.
Your fingers tighten their grip on the back of his neck, feeling his surprise blend into pure pleasure. His hands slip to your sides as he pulls you closer, every muscle in his body loosening as he melts into the kiss. It’s warm, soft, sweet. Your mouths are closed, eyes shut, simply savoring the feeling of being with the person you care about most in the entire world.
You’re happy. You’re relieved. And for the first time in the last eight days, you’re not confused in the slightest.
"Any guesses?" Jungkook murmurs against your lips as you pull back slightly for air.
You laugh through the tears that had spilled out before you kissed, as his hands lift from your hips to brush them away. "Hmm," you hum, leaning into his hand on your face, "Jia?"
“Ooh, close…” He squints teasingly with a smirk, his thumb swiping away a tear that had fallen to your pouty lip. “Just think, like, five times less bitchy and ten times hotter.”
A watery laugh escapes you, and you fall forward, resting your forehead against his chest. You sniffle and shake your head. “I can’t believe you just confessed your love for me in Yoongi and Jia’s bedroom.” Jungkook’s soft chuckle fills the room, making your heart flutter. “That’s such a you thing to do,” you add as you pull back to look up at him.
“You’re not wrong,” he replies, his smile softening as he leans down to press a kiss to your forehead.
His hand finds yours, and he glances toward the door, a faint awareness in his eyes. He’s not sure how many songs have played while you’ve been holed up together, but it’s been long enough to raise suspicion. “C’mon, bug,” he murmurs, gently tugging you toward the door.
But your brows knit together as he tries to lead you out. “What?”
Jungkook turns back, his expression relaxed and a little curious. “Hm?”
“I—” You pause, caught off guard by how casually he seems ready to move on. “You don’t want to talk about… things?”
His eyes glimmer with amusement as he steps closer. “Things?”
“You just told me you’re in love with me, and kissed me, and—"
“You kissed me,” he teases softly, his lips quirking up when you glare at him with the cutest, slightly swollen pout.
“You don’t want me to… say anything? To say it back?” you ask quietly, letting him take your other hand into his hold so he has both of them, tugging you a little closer.
Jungkook’s tongue darts out to wet his lips, and your eyes track the movement, unable to forget the way they felt against yours. He’s so close now that the heat of his body warms the space between you, the scent of his cologne mixed with the lingering smell of the cigarette he had on the drive over swirling around you.
“I didn’t tell you for something in return, bug,” he says gently, his thumbs tracing slow circles over your knuckles. “I told you because you wanted to know,” he adds with a slight shrug, “and because I wanted you to know.”
The simplicity of his words takes you by surprise. There’s no pressure in his gaze, no expectation. Your heart aches in a way you’ve never felt before.
“And if I want to say it back?” you whisper, eyes looking between his.
Jungkook does the same, looking for any trace of uncertainty in yours before asking quietly, "Do you mean it?"
“More than I think I even understand,” the words tumble out before you can second-guess them.
"Then say it."
“I’m so in love with you, Gukkie,” you whisper instantly, as if it were a command, “I thought I knew what love was, but… you’re love. Everything about you, everything you do is love.” Jungkook swallows hard, his thumbs still tracing softly over your knuckles. “We’re still so young, and there’s so much more to do… But I want to do it all with you.”
“Fucking hell, bug,” he mutters under his breath before his lips crash back into yours.
This kiss is deep, urgent, like he’s trying to tell you something through it.
And, god, Jungkook had always been a good storyteller.
Your hands slip free from his, finding the sides of his neck, grasping for balance as his hands slide to the small of your back, steadying you when you almost stumble.
Your fingers curl into the warm, strong muscles of his shoulders, and you return his kiss with the same intensity, the taste of him filling all of your senses. His lips feel warmer, smokier, like everything about him is more intense now. And in that moment, everything else just fades away.
When you part your lips, an ache for more already tugging at you, his tongue slips in like it’s been waiting the whole time. A soft, satisfied hum escapes you, and he mirrors it, his sound a little throatier as his tongue intertwines with yours.
Jungkook’s hands slide over you—your sides, your hips, your back—as if he’s committing the feel of you to memory, like he’s afraid this is the only time he’ll ever have the chance. The soft, wet sounds of your tongues moving together fill your ears, and you know that if you have any say in it, this will be far from the last time.
A low groan bubbles in Jungkook’s throat when you press yourself closer to him and his fingers instinctively tighten around your sides.
Then he hears it.
Jungkook pulls back quickly but carefully, his gaze lingering on yours as his hands smooth over your hair, fixing where his fingers had tousled it. His thumb brushes over your shoulder, adjusting the strap of your top that had slipped down again, while his other hand runs along the edge of your lips to fix your smudged lip gloss He licks his own lips to remove any residue and you pout, about to ask if he’s okay when the door swings open.
“Hellooo? What's taking so long? The Uber’s here and the guys are already at Joonie's.” Jia bellows, raising her brows as she glances between the two of you. “Come on, you can pregame in the car.”
Jungkook looks at you, waiting. You nod at her, your fingers brushing against his as you step back, clearing your throat and tucking your hair behind your ear. “Okay, Ji, sorry. We’re coming.”
She just nods, leaving the door open as she turns back to Yoongi, who’s waiting with her jacket. He hands it over wordlessly before leading her outside.
Jungkook’s gaze lingers on you, quiet and searching. “You sure you still want to go?”
You take a breath, nodding. “Yeah, if Jia still wants me to come, it’s the least I can do. Do you still want to go?”
His lips press together for a second, but he nods, his hand sliding down to interlock with yours as you both walk out of the bedroom. He grabs his car keys from the counter on the way, but as you approach the door, a frown creases your forehead.
“You’re not driving us, right, Gukkie?” you ask, eyeing the keys in his hand.
He glances down at you, a faintly amused smile touching his lips. “Yeah, I am, bug. Why? Did you want to take the Uber with them?”
You shake your head, but the frown doesn’t leave. “No, but... you’re not gonna drink tonight?”
Jungkook shrugs lightly, giving your hand a gentle squeeze before he lets it go so you can grab your mini purse from the counter and slip it over your shoulder. He reclaims your hand when you’re done, guiding you out of the apartment. “Not tonight, bug.”
The sadness in your eyes makes him pause, and you glance up at him. “Why? Is everything okay? I don’t like drinking when you don't drink.” Your voice softens, lips forming a small pout as he presses the down arrow for the elevator.
He smiles at the sight, brushing his thumb over your knuckles. “I just wanted to drive you home, that’s all, bug.” His smile turns slightly amused. “But I’ll drink if you want to. You know I’m always down to drink with you.”
Your face brightens, leaning into his side to give him a soft thank you. As the elevator dings open, your phone vibrates in your clutch. You pull it out and giggle at the screen, tilting it toward Jungkook. He rolls his eyes, his lips twitching as he ushers you inside the elevator when it reaches your floor.
[9:57pm] From: Ji HELLOOO???? oh my god get down here. this fucking freak is trying to charge us twice for making him wait like two minutes
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The crisp night air envelopes you as soon as you and Jungkook step outside the apartment complex, refreshing your skin and helping to calm your racing mind.
When you had both arrived at Yoongi and Jia's earlier in the night, you received a very quizzical look from your best friend as you climbed out of his Jeep.
‹ ‹ ‹
You extended your hand, waiting for him to come around to your side of the car before intertwining your fingers. Instead of locking the car, he paused, glancing back through the windows as if searching for something.
“Gukkie? You okay?” you asked, tilting your head at his hesitation. “I have your phone in my purse, remember?”
“Bug, where’s your jacket?” he asked, his brows furrowing as he looked over your outfit. He gave the Jeep’s seats another quick scan, hoping you’d just forgotten to grab it.
You shook your head, giving his hand a little tug to urge him forward. “I didn’t bring one. Couldn't find one that worked with my outfit. It’s okay, Gukkie, I'm not cold.”
But he didn’t budge. “Bug…” he said with a sigh, eyes scanning the backseat to see if he had left one of his jackets in there that you could wear. Nothing.
“Gukkie,” you laughed at the way his frown deepened, tugging his hand again. “You don’t have a jacket either, hm. Besides, there’s a small chance we’re even going out tonight anyway...”
Your voice softened, and Jungkook paused, sighing as the urge to drive home and grab you a jacket waned a bit. He pressed the lock button on his key fob with reluctance and let you pull him along up the path to the building.
His free hand slid up your arm as you walked, checking that your skin was still warm. It was, luckily for you, or he would've been plopping you back in the passenger seat to go back and get you a coat no matter how much you complained.
Jungkook knew Jia’s firm stance against jackets and outerwear—always “ruining the aesthetic" or something of the sort. He didn’t really pay much attention to what she said unless it involved you, if he was being honest.
And the thought of you borrowing one of Yoongi’s didn’t even get a chance to settle in his mind before he forced it far, far away.
› › ›
The scene with Jungkook in Jia’s room replays over and over in your head, but there’s a new lightness to it now—a weight lifted, even though you know the lines between you have definitely blurred. There’s more to think about, maybe more to figure out, but as you glance up at Jungkook’s peaceful expression, you find that you don’t mind it right now.
Reaching the end of the path, Yoongi hops out of the car and pulls the seat forward to let you into the back. “Hi, sorry for the wait,” you apologize softly to the driver, offering a polite smile as Jungkook takes your purse. His hand settles warmly on your back, guiding you in as you climb into the backseat.
The driver just mutters something under his breath and waits as Jungkook slides in next to you. Yoongi settles back beside Jia, who’s typing something on her phone, closing the door as the driver pulls out onto the road.
In the quiet hum of the car, you lean back, stealing a quick glance at Jungkook. He catches it, his lips quirking up as he shifts just a little closer, one hand slipping over yours where it rests on your lap. You turn your hand over and intertwine it with his, using your free hand to play with his fingers, tracing over the lines of his pretty tattoos. You rest your head on his shoulder, your eyes fluttering closed.
You can’t wait to drink.
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It’s about twenty-five minutes later when you arrive at Joonie’s nightclub.
Jia had managed to convince the Uber driver to let you guys drink a little with the promise of a 50% tip, and as soon as he agreed, she swiftly pulled the bottle of tequila up from beneath her seat. She took a sip and handed it to Yoongi, who did the same before passing it to the back. Jungkook let you take a mouthful before he did, and you each took one more, his shots a little bigger than yours.
As you step inside, the music is loud, vibrating the ground as colored lights flicker across the floor. You spot the rest of your friends by a table in the corner, already clinking shot glasses together and throwing them back. When they see the four of you, their faces light up, and soon they’re stumbling over for hugs and half-drunk hellos.
Jimin is the first to reach you, a bright grin spreading across his face as he wraps you in a tight hug, swaying you from side to side. “Hi, angel! Gah, y'always look so pretty without an apron on! Good to see you—ah, hey, Kook! Get over here, you big thing,” he beams, pulling away from you to bring Jungkook down into an equally enthusiastic hug.
“Hey, Jimin-ah,” Jungkook responds, returning the hug and then straightening to stand by your side again.
Jimin stands there, his eyes raking over both of you for a moment before he lets out a sigh and gives something similar to a nod of approval.
You shake your head, laughing as you adjust your purse. “How much have you had to drink already, Jiminie?”
“Not nearly enough,” he quips instantly, glancing back at the group where the others are ushering Jia and Yoongi over to their table. “And judging by the fact you’re not red as a tomato yet… neither have you. Come on,” he grins, grabbing both your arms and pulling you and Jungkook toward the rest of the group.
When you guys reach the circle, you exchange hugs and little hiii, I missed you's until you reach the last person at the table.
"Hey, Y/N," Taehyung greets, pulling you into a warm hug.
Blinking in surprise as you pull back, you smile. "Hey, Tae? I didn’t know you were coming tonight. How are you?”
Taehyung nods, his hand resting casually on his beer. “Yeah, been okay. You?”
“Good, thanks Tae,” you reply with a soft smile, stepping back beside Jungkook.
“Oh, hey, Jungkook-ah, how are you, man?” Taehyung continues, extending a hand.
Jungkook takes it, and they do a little bro shake before he settles next to you again. “Really good, man, thanks,” he nods, glancing over the table before turning to you. “I’m gonna go get our drinks. Did y'want a long Island?”
Your eyes light up, and you nod, starting to walk with him to the bar when Valerie calls out, “Y/N! Babe, come take a photo! The lighting is soo cute over here.”
You turn back around, “One sec, Val, I’m just going to grab—”
“It’s okay, bug. I won’t be long,” Jungkook says quietly, running his hand down your arm as you glance over at him.
“Oh, okay.” You nod, looking up at him.
He raises his brows with an amused look when you don't move for a while. “Go on,” he nudges his head toward your friends, watching as you nod again with a cute smile and head over to Jia, Valerie, and Jimin. His gaze lingers as Yoongi takes the phone from Jia, and you all get ready to pose for the photos.
Sliding in next to Jia feels like second nature as your arm wraps around her waist, but as realization dawns, you quickly move to pull back, unsure if that's okay anymore.
Jia just rolls her eyes, grabbing your arm and placing it firmly back around her waist before leaning into you. The two of you settle in for the shot, and you smile, resting your head on her shoulder as the flash goes off, Yoongi snapping a bunch of photos of the four of you.
Once Jia finally deems the hundred pictures her boyfriend has taken as enough, your little group breaks away, with Jimin and Valerie immediately rushing over to review the results.
You start to follow them but pause when you catch sight of Taehyung at the end of the table, sitting alone and staring at his beer. You frown, looking around for Hoseok and Jin, but they seem to have wandered off, leaving him by himself.
You slide into the seat beside him. “Hey,” you greet, and Taehyung looks up, returning a small smile. "You okay?"
“Hey,” he chuckles lightly. “Yeah, why, do I look all depressed and lonely right now?”
With a grin, you pick up the tiny umbrella from an empty glass nearby, twirling it in your fingers. “No. Just a little alone,” you hum. “Where did Jin and Hobi go?”
“Out for a smoke,” Taehyung answers, his eyes lingering on you for a second before glancing back at his drink. Just as you’re about to ask if he wants another beer since his looks low, Jungkook arrives back at the table.
He sets your drink in front of you, still holding his own glass, and pulls up a chair beside you. “Thanks, Gukkie,” you smile, pulling the cup toward you to take a sip.
Jungkook gives you a little nod, resting a hand on your leg. His gaze shifts, noticing how Taehyung’s eyes follow the movement of your mouth as you wrap your lips around the straw. Jungkook’s tongue flicks over his lips before he takes a silent mouthful of his drink, watching as the two of you chat.
It's not long before Jimin brings over a large tray to the table, all your friends cheering in excitement as he sets it down with a grin.
"Shots!"
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“Shit, bug, wait, watch your step, I just—”
Jungkook’s warning doesn’t reach your inebriated brain in time, and you stumble over the step he nearly tripped on himself, letting out a little curse. Before you can fall forward, his arms are already around you, pulling you back upright.
“Gukkie,” you whine, “why did you push me?” you grumble, your cheeks rosy from the endless shots Jimin kept feeding you and the lingering heat of the dance floor you two had been on all night.
Not that you’ll remember most of this tomorrow, considering you went over your limit about two Long Island iced teas ago, but tonight was one of the best nights you’ve had in a very long time.
Jia mostly clung to Valerie for the night, but that didn’t matter—you and Jungkook had more than enough fun on your own. Jimin even took Taehyung under his wing, and the four of you ended up spinning around on the dance floor after you convinced Jungkook to join in too. He’s so good at it, you’ve never understood why he doesn’t dance more often, but he indulged you tonight. And it was so fucking amazing.
“I didn’t push you, bug,” he grumbles back, holding you steady as he blinks, trying to get his own hazy vision under control.
If you went past your limit, Jungkook went double down. He can handle his alcohol—much better than you, at least—but you guys were having so much fun, and he loves drinking with you, so he went all out. When you took a shot, he took two. When you stood in front of him, lifting a cup to his lips with a sweet, urging little smile, who the fuck was he to say no?
“Gukkie, where’s your car?” you ask, squinting up the street, arm looping through his as you both stagger down the sidewalk. The chilly night air nips at your bare legs, but the warmth of the alcohol keeps it at bay as you rest your head lazily on his bicep.
“Uhh,” Jungkook mutters, scanning the line of parked cars as he tries to spot his Jeep. “I dunno, baby. Let’s just walk home.”
You nod in agreement, too tipsy to consider that the walk back to either of your apartments would take at least an hour—probably more, but you don’t care. Right now, it feels like you could walk for miles, just like this.
“Okay, but—” you trail off, eyes drifting as he stops running his hand over the one of yours clinging to his bicep. He turns to you with a little frown. “But what? D'you want to take your heels off?”
You blink up at him, the blur of alcohol softening everything but his face, his features as clear and pretty as ever. “You called me baby,” you say, a wide, drunk grin lighting up your face as you gaze up at him, utterly enchanted.
Jungkook’s brows knit together in confusion. He glances forward to ensure you both don’t veer into anything, then looks back down at you. “What, bug?”
“You called me baby,” you repeat, leaning your head against his arm with a happy squeeze. “Gosh, Gukkie, I hope I remember this when I wake up.”
Jungkook blinks a little at that, turning his head to face the path in front of him as you both keep walking. Did he call you baby? It must’ve just slipped out. He’s never called anyone that—not even while drunk, as far as he knows. The thought lingers for a moment, but when Jungkook feels you shiver slightly and yawn against his arm, that’s all it takes for him to have his first sober thought since his umpteenth vodka shot.
“Bug,” he says, pulling you to a gentle stop, his gaze drifting over your goosebump-covered legs and sleepy eyes. You blink up at him, a soft, confused smile lifting your lips as you glance around, wondering why you’ve stopped. “I need to get us an Uber,” Jungkook murmurs, rubbing his hands over your cold arms to warm you. “Come sit with me. Gonna order it.”
He looks around for a seat, but there isn’t one in sight, so he guides you to the curb and sits down, holding his arms open as you step in front of him and plop between his legs. Making sure you're settled, he pulls out his phone, blinking hard to try and get the numbers on the screen to stay still enough to punch in his passcode.
You lean back into his hold, his free arm wrapping around your stomach as your eyes flutter shut, your fingers tracing softly over the inked patterns on his arm. “So warm,” you mumble, lost in the feel of his skin against yours.
Jungkook tilts his head a little as you lean further into him, the tip of your nose brushing against his neck. He swallows, his pulse quickening as he tries to focus on ordering the Uber to your place.
“How are you so warm everywhere?” you sigh dreamily, letting your nose drift up the length of his neck, fingers still tracing along his arm. Jungkook’s breath catches, but he manages to confirm the ride and lock his phone, his other arm wrapping around you, quietly pulling you snug against his chest.
"Can I kiss your neck, Gukkie?"
Jungkook’s eyes shut at your words, every fiber in him reacting to you as he swallows hard. “Just a little, bug. Our uber isn’t far.”
The slight tilt of his head is all the encouragement you need, and you press a gentle, lingering kiss to his nape, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallows again. Drawn in by the pretty sight, your mouth latches onto his neck, tasting the warmth of his skin.
“Bug,” he croaks, his voice shaky as your lips press more purposefully, your soft touch just a bit more intentional. “Bug, c’mon, baby, not too much. You’re drunk, I—” His breathing deepens as your tongue traces a warm, wet line over his skin, his hands tightening on your sides as he exhales shakily.
Your lips find a soft spot at the base of his neck, and he lets out another unsteady breath, his body responding without his consent. Humming happily, you let yourself sink into the feeling a little longer before pulling back and admiring your handiwork. It’s not enough to leave a mark, just a faint warmth that’ll fade, but it’s still so pretty. You press one last gentle kiss to the spot before turning back around, leaning contentedly back against his chest.
“Thanks, Gukkie. I like the way your skin tastes,” you smile with your eyes closed, settling your hands over his arms around you, the honesty in your words amplified by the haze of the alcohol.
“God, bug,” Jungkook mumbles once he catches his breath, his fingers running lightly up and down your waist as he adjusts the hem of your top, covering you when it rides up a little. “So cute.”
He watches as a soft, pretty smile curves your lips, eyes still closed as you practically purr into him at his comment.
So. Fucking. Cute.
Jungkook rests his head in the crook of your neck, which is bared just for him. Your head lolls back as you sleepily begin to curl into his embrace. “So pretty,” he breathes into your skin, pressing a light little kiss as he inhales as much of your scent as possible.
He’s kissed you plenty of times—on your forehead, your cheeks, even twice on your fucking lips earlier tonight. But he’s never kissed your neck before.
And it’s addicting.
The aroma of your vanilla-creme body wash mixed with the Miss Dior perfume he buys you for your birthdays—fuck. He could lick it off every inch of your body if you’d let him.
But not tonight.
He knows you get extra touchy with him when you’re drunk, and, yeah, he does with you too. That’s just how you two have always been. But it’s usually just longer cuddles, sitting closer than normal, not leaving each other's side for more than a few minutes.
You’ve never done that to him before.
Maybe it’s because, however intoxicated you may be, your brain recognizes the shift between the two of you from earlier at Yoongi and Jia’s.
God, he fucking hopes so.
Jungkook prays that you’ll remember kissing him tomorrow, even if you’re dazed from the alcohol. Because he is too. But, somehow, he'll make sure he remembers every single second.
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i hit the fucking block limit >:( sooo nasty of tumblr 😔 the rest of the fic is available in this reblog 🩷
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starkwlkr · 2 months ago
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girl, so confusing | f1
an: might make this two or three parts, not sure yet but oh well <3 love y’all THIS IS AN AU WHERE ALL THE F1 DILFS ARE SINGLE
faceclaim gisele bündchen
part 2 part 3
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liked by maxverstappen1, aussiegrit and others
yourusername 💋
aussiegrit long time no see 👀
yourusername don’t worry, I still have cherry lipgloss that’s waiting for you
aussiegrit 😉
jensonbutton well hello 😏
yourusername hey there stranger
jensonbutton stranger? you’re breaking my heart, baby
sebastianvettel miss you lots!
yourusername come over then
sebastianvettel don’t tempt me
ferraridepressionclub y/n fr has all the dilfs in her comments i wanna be like her when i grow up
paddockgirlies she’s so iconic
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INTERVIEW WITH Y/N L/N | VOGUE
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In conversation with Y/n L/n about being a mother and a racing driver, and her what’s in store for her.
Known for her fierce driving and even fiercer spirit, has seamlessly transitioned into a life that’s as complex as it is rewarding. A name that echoes through the halls of motorsport history, her story is one of reinvention—a journey from high-speed thrills to quiet, profound moments of motherhood, and, possibly, a return to the racing world in an entirely new role.
The 2000s were Y/n’s golden years at Williams. Her raw talent shone even when the team’s fortunes dipped, and she quickly became a fan favorite. Known for her courage, sharp wit, and stunning moves on the track, she formed friendships with some of the sport's brightest stars—Mark Webber, Sebastian Vettel, and Jenson Button. Their bond, a cocktail of camaraderie and unspoken attraction, became as legendary as her driving.
But the glamorous world of F1, with its dazzling lights and high expectations, took a toll. In 2004, Williams made the decision to drop her from their roster—a move that would alter the course of her life forever. Y/n, at the time, found solace in the chaos. Late nights, parties, and the company of friends became her refuge.
"I wasn’t ready to let go of F1, but at that point, I wasn’t sure where I was headed." Y/n said as we chat in her London home. It’s a beautiful house with stained glass windows and the perfect amount of sunlight shining in. Her daughter is also present though she much prefers to continue with her reading as she cuddles up to her mother.
But in the unpredictable world of racing, the story of Y/n was far from over. A fresh start beckoned when McLaren offered her a seat, a move that many saw as her redemption arc. She embraced the opportunity, her focus sharper than ever. The partying ceased. The cigarettes were put out. It wasn’t just a return to the sport—it was a return to herself.
Her career, marked by precision and passion, came to an official close in 2014, but Y/n’s influence has never waned. Retirement, though, didn’t equate to slowing down. Today, Y/n is a mother—something that’s become a cornerstone of her identity.
“I’ve always been independent, but being a mom has redefined what it means to be strong," she says, her eyes softening. "It’s a different kind of challenge, but one I’m grateful for every single day.”
Her daughter, now nine, was born a year after her retirement. She had announced the birth on her social media with a simple caption: “welcome to the world, my beautiful girl”
“As a mom, I’ve learned the art of balancing," Y/n reflects. "There are days when I’m just a mom—no racing, no interviews, no drama. And then there are days when I’m reminded of who I was before all of this. It's about finding peace with both versions of myself.”
At this point, her daughter stops reading her book and places several kisses on her mother’s cheek. It was a beautiful moment between mom and daughter.
“The future is full of possibilities. I’m focused on what’s next, but I'm not in any rush. We’ll see what happens. Right now, I’m the happiest I’ve ever been.”
Motherhood may have softened some edges, but it has only sharpened her focus. If there’s one thing Y/n has taught us, it’s that the greatest drivers are those who can keep pushing, even when they’re driving toward the unknown.
INTERVIEW WITH Y/N | THE PADDOCK SESSIONS PODCAST
“Welcome everyone to the paddock sessions podcast. I’m your host Dan and todays guest is a very special one. She is my favorite driver and I’m going to try not to freak out right now. Y/n L/n welcome to the paddock sessions!” Dan the host said into his microphone.
Y/n smiled and thanked Dan for the introduction. “Favorite driver? Dan, I’m flattered. I’ll pay you later.” She joked.
“You’re actually the reason my girlfriend watches formula 1. She watched your past races and was devastated when I told her you retired in 2014. I think she was thinking of breaking up with me because I told her,” Dan admitted. Y/n chuckled at his words. “But can we see a potential comeback for you? I know I’m not the only one that would love to see that!”
“Well I can’t really stay away from formula 1. I try to watch the races with my daughter, but she’s not interested in racing at all so I always end up watching them alone.” Y/n explained as she adjusted the microphone.
“Daughter of a racing driver isn’t interested in racing? That’s wild. But at least she knows that her mom is a legend in the sport, yeah?” Dan asked.
“She’s reminded every time we go out and I’m stopped because someone wants an autograph or a picture,” Y/n laughs. “But she knows the basics, she knows what all the number means, she’s a smart girl.”
“Amazing. Um, on the topic of your daughter, and you can stop me if you want, you’ve always been an open book in many ways, yet when it comes to your daughter’s father, you’ve kept things private. How hard has it been to keep things like that private? I imagine it must be frustrating.”
Y/n nodded and cleared her throat. “I’ve always believed in protecting my daughter’s privacy, and for me, that extends to the people closest to us. I’ll say this: my daughter is incredibly lucky to have the most amazing father. He’s the kind of dad who would do anything to keep her safe and happy. I know she’s growing up in a secure and loving environment because of him. He’s protective, but in the best way possible.”
“Have you seen the tweets regarding it?” Dan asked curiously.
“Oh yeah, it’s all over my feed. I’ve actually read some pretty crazy shit about the father of my daughter.” Y/n said.
“Any favorites?”
“There’s a thread that was posted recently on why Lewis is the father of my daughter. I love Lewis, but I can confirm he is not. He’s actually the godfather.”
“Well, you heard it hear first folks!”
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