#when I finished the write-up

[phtalate]

Write up of WLW Media:

June is over, but Pride continues. (Literally, the parade near me is next saturday.)

In honor of that, here’s my write-up of WLW Media I’ve consumed, horked down, hoovered up, whatever you want to call it and a fairly substantial TBR list.

My goal here is to provide more WLW material, because honestly it’s often kind of hard to find. Recommedations in the notes are very welcome!

I’ve also put books on this list I didn’t like as much, because if you dislike the books I adore they’re probably more your thing. (Having someone who’s taste is opposite of yours is often surprisingly useful)

I intend to make this a half-yearly to yearly thing, because my reading speed is so inconsistent. (Seriously from zero to eleven books in a month everything is game.)

My criteria for WLW media are the following: features a WLW romance or a sapphic character in which the character or the pairing is central to the book. Books with one sidepairing that’s WLW don’t count unless that sidepairing takes up substantial time.

This is mostly fantasy and SciFi: (because they’re my favourite genres)

I'm putting a read more here, because the TBR is out of control and the list got quite long.

The Locked Tomb by Tamsyn Muir

Starting with Gideon the Ninth, this series seriously doesn’t need an introduction or propaganda. It’s the rare WLW story that actually gets shoved in your face!

It’s a sci-fantasy-horror series about necromancy in space seasoned with the occasional meme that’ll make you groan. It’s very good and while it’s relationship focused it’s not necessarily very romance focused, if I’m making sense? I don’t recommend reading parts of the first book at 3 am because it gets seriously scary at times. Also the author doesn’t shy away from body or corpse grossness. If you like you characters sane and emotionally stable, this is not the book series for you.

The Priory of the Orange Tree Samantha Shannon

Described by the author as a feminist retelling of St. George slaying the dragon, this is very much classic fantasy with some modern twists. If you like your books thick and dense this is for you. Features a bodyguard romance.

The Doors of Eden Adrian Tchaikovsky

Evolutionary biology crossed with modern riller. Features parallel worlds. This qualifies by virtue of having a lesbian and her disappeared girlfried as well as a trans lady scientist as two of six view point characters. Dense and thick and takes a while to get into. Adrian Tchaikovsky is a writing style chameleon, but if you’ve read Children of Time he chose a similar writing style for this.

The Jasmine Throne by Tasha Suri

The disgraced princess of an empire (she refused to be burned alive) is banished to a temple in an out of the way impoverished province. One of her maids who accidentally encounters her even though they weren’t supposed to have contact with her is the only person she can count on for aid. A former warrior priest acolyte that escaped the burning of her temple as a child is hiding her identity and working in the palace as a maid. Working for the princess is the first time since then that she’s been back on/in her temple. This definitely earned it’s fucked up label. Features some body horror.

Also fucked up sibling relationships both adopted and blood related. (For those of you who like that.) Do not be deceived by how small and manageable the paperback version looks. It’s got over five-hundred pages of densely packed text. First book of a trilogy, third book comes out autumn this year.

This Is How You Loose The Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone

Diversity win! The alien entities fighting a time war identify as female! Another one that really doesn’t need an introduction considering how popular it got. Two agents fighting on opposite sides of the time war write each other letters, starting with one taunting the other and developing from there.

Sweet and Bitter Magic by Adrienne Tooley

This is very much YA but not in a bad way. A witch who can only feel emotions by taking them from other people in trade for something and a girl who desperately needs help go on a journey to rescue the world from an encrouching magic plague.

A Memory called Empire by Arkady Martine

Did not like this as much as I expected to and am kind of sad about it, because people whos’ taste I trust liked it alot, so I’m wondering if I missed something? Maybe that something is being a native speaker, since the German friends I read it with didn’t enjoy it that much either. I’m left feeling kind of meh about it. Features a wlw romance. And is about the influence of language on the construct of Empire and identity.

Even though I knew the End C.L Polk

I didn’t really like this one. I felt it was too short and it’s storylines not explored enough. (It’s a novella.) I also tend to not like stories with a definite Christian Afterlife that exists and is definitely paradise. Other people liked this a lot though.

The long way to a small angry Planet by Becky Chambers

I’ll be honest, I did not like this one and think it isn’t well plotted or has good worldbuilding. It also has no genuine conflict. But since a lot of people seem to like Becky Chambers this is probably a personal taste thing.

Legends and Lattes by Travis Baldree

Described by the author as „High fantasy, low stakes – with a double-shot of coffee.“ I’m going to disagree on the low stakes bit. While the stakes aren’t world-ending, they are present. This is about an orc who is tired of the mercenary life and starts a coffee shop. The stakes are that this is the life she wants and the business is her baby. Features a subtle romance that doens’t really come into play for a good long while because the main character is still busy with the whole learning to be a person with needs and wants thing. Very sweet though not in a toothrotting way, more like a slightly sweet well made baked good balanced out by the bitterness of the coffee.

Ninefox Gambit by Yoon Ha Lee

One of the two main characters is wlw though this doesn’t really get picked up on because Cheris is too busy dealing with the empire she’s part of, the frankly quite evil calender and her own identity. This series makes use of the „any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic“ principle by going so far beyond it lands in magic territory. If you like math, original worldbuilding, military fantasy, good prose with a wide vocabulary or all four of these check it out.

The Price of Salt or Carol by Patricia Highsmith

A classic and one of the few things on this list that isn’t fantasy or sci-fi of some kind. Patricia Highsmith first published this under a pseudonym. It was kind of revolutionary at it’s publishing time for featuring a queer romance that had a kind of happy ending. I liked the well built characters and romance and the ability of the author to describe complex, ambivalent feelings.

Other Media:

Anime:

The Magical Revolution of the Reincarnated Princess and the Genious Young Lady

Typical modern Shoujo style. I was just searching for something sweet to watch and was suprised by the earnestness with which this story was willing to treat its’ themes. Is originally based on a novel series.

Puella Magi Madoka Magica

Takes the magical girl anime to it’s natural extremes. Kind of a deconstruction, though I have to say that it doesn’t go any harder than Sailor Moon was already willing to go before this was ever written. Gets on this list for a very important side character.

The Witch from Mercury

Has a very much modern Shoujo style but is also a mecha anime. I need to watch the second season. Features a kinda arranged marriage, a mecha school and fucked up things lurking behind the cute exterior.

Trapped in an Otome Game: All Routes Lead to Doom!

Very funny. The main character gets transmigrated into the villainess of an otome game and is very determined to not share that fate. On accident she kind of seduces every available man and the female rivals and the female main character. The result is chaos, a friend group that doubles as a harem and the gayest sleepover I’ve ever seen while the main character has no clue. (Noteably she is completely able to say stuff like „If I were a man I’d marry Maria on the spot!“ without catching on.) I’m rooting for Maria but there are several female characters who have their sight set on the main character.

I've Been Killing Slimes For 300 Years And Maxed Out My Level

Cute. An overworked office drone dies and gets transmigrated into a witch and proceeds to do nothing much for the next 300 years. Then things suddenly get going and do not stop again any time soon, as the heroine gets friends, children (Surprise! She’s a deadbet mom and didn’t know it.) and admirers. I’m rooting for the dragon.

I’m in love with the Villainess!

Very cute. A modern girl gets transmigrated into the heroine of an otome game and promptly proceeds to flirt with the villainess. Is based on a series of novels. Covers themes of queer loneliness and class struggle amongst all the silliness.

Revolutinary Girl Utena

I haven’t watched this in ten years and have forgotten most of the plot, but I remember really liking it. Utena assumes the role of the prince and duels other people for the Rose Bride. This takes place in a school and involves dramatic elevator rides. Also the movie had Utena and Anthy (The Rose Bride) turn into cars for some reason? I need to rewatch this. Also please don’t forget to check the content warnings, most stuff I like is fairly fucked up.

Sailor Moon

This one gets a pass on the strict criteria because it’s a classic and Sailor Neptune and Sailor Uranus were many peoples first wlw couple.(Though Usagis’ straightness is debateable, miss I’ll follow this pretty girl to her home because I’ve got heart eyes.) The classic magical girl anime and manga, popular for a reason and doesn’t really need me to sing it’s praises.

Live Action:

Couple of Mirrors

One of a few full length wlw dramas. (I’m aware there are a couple thai dramas, but they’re mostly modern and my interest is fantasy, sci-fi and historical). Historical costume drama featuring a young innocent socialite writer and a girl with a fotography studio and a rather dark past.

Legend of Yunze

One of apperently quite a few Mini Webdramas. It’s essentially just significant scenes stiched together. You need about an hour and a half to watch all of it. Some people have called the central couple the female version of wangxian, though while there are similarities these two are their own thing.

The extra features the line „Stand in the corner, fuckboy.“

Also season 3 when?

You can find it through this carrd: https://legendofyunze.carrd.co/# or through Youtube. An account named douqi has translated this drama and a lot of others including Nü Er Hong which is below in the TBR.

On the TBR:

The Oleander Sword by Tasha Suri

Second novel in the trilogy starting with The Jasmine Throne, I’ve gotten fifty pages in but put it down and need to pick it up again. Tasha Suri also has more books I’ll need to take a look at.

The Unspoken Name A.K. Larkwood

This is the first book. I’ll have to get to the second to get to the WLW.

The Unbroken by C.L. Clark

Also has a theme of empire and rebellion (and assasination). Of the same list as Exile and the sorceror.

The Exile and the Sorceror by Jane Fletcher

Found this through googeling Sapphic Fantasy recommedations. I don’t think I could dig up the specific list this is from again. The cover looks like the fantasy novels in my mothers shelf and I liked the summary.

Sword of the Guardian by Merry Shannon

Apperently a Fantasy Bodyguard romance? Off the same list as When Women Where Warriors and The Exile and the Sorceror.

The Warriors Path (When Women Were Warriors) By Catherine M. Wilson

Describes by the author as like the fantasy stories she loved to read but with women.

Carmilla by Sheridan Le Fanu

Occasionally reading the classics is good for the souls. Especially if they contain lesbian vampires.

The Traitor Baru Coromoran by Seth Dickinson

Recommended by veliseraptor who has excellent taste. Features themes of empire and collaboration and becoming compliant with the system vs. resistance. Read the synopsis it does a better job than I do on describing what it’s about.

Clear and Muddy Loss of Love by Please Don't Laugh (请君莫笑, Qǐng Jūn Mò Xiào)

and

Female General And Eldest Princess by Please Don't Laugh (请君莫笑, Qǐng Jūn Mò Xiào)

Baihe (chinese gl, female equivalent to danmei) novels that get recommended a lot.

I am bizzarely scared to read these, because what if I don’t like it?

Also if anyone has any more baihe recommendations, I’d love to have them! Bonus Points for dark, fucked up stuff!

The Beauty’s Blade Feng Ren Zuo Shu

Baihe, have seen this one on tumblr before and the description is really good.

Someone You Can Build a Nest In by John Wiswell

Lesbian horror monster fantasy! I found this trawling Good Reads. I hope it’s good! The description is really fun.

City of Hope and Ruin by Kit Campbell and Siri Paulson

Another fishing in the Good Reads pond find. More in the fantasy space. Looked interesting enough I’ll give it a chance.

Uhh, googeling wlw/lesbian fantasy on Good Reads produces interesting results ‚:) If someone else wants to try, since it‘s not possible to search two tags at the same time or do nested searches, I’d recommend looking through the lists.

She Who Became The Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

I love fucked up women. And political schemeing and characters pretending to be someone else. This seems right up my alley.

A Master of Djinn P. Djèlí Clark

Picked this up without knowing it contained a lesbian detective as a main character! Delightful surprise!

Foundryside by Robert Jackson Bennett

Once again, picked this up without knowing it contained a sapphic romance! Don’t know if I’ll like this, since unfortunately I don’t vibe with Sandersons style and this is supposed to be similar.

The Stars Are Legion by Kameron Hurley

This is Sci-Fi. And once again I didn’t know this contained wlw, because it wasn’t mentioned anywhere when I got the recommendation.

When the Tiger Came Down the Montain by Nghi Vo

Second in the series after the Empress of Salt and Fortune, which I omitted because the WLW part isn’t really central. The tiger/scholar romance is more central in this one, so I’m putting it on the list.

Black Sun by Rebecca Roanhorse

Was reccomended to me as very modern fantasy and unique, is apperently WLW as well?

Fishing through Novelupdates works better than Goodreads, but also produces as per the nature of the site unfinished and untranslated/partially translated novels. The tag for GL is either yuri or shoujo ai or both, because Novelupdates will let you search for several tags at a time.

Novels that perked my interest, I don’t vouch for the translation or it’s completeness:

The Princess’ Shadow Guard Cannot Be Too Clever by Senlin Zhangchun

The General’s Manor Young Concubine Survival Report by Feng De Lingdang

The Hero (♀) Hypnotized The Demon King (♀) by Sanrokukyuu(this one is a oneshot)

As I Was Reincarnated as the Villainess of an Otome Game, I Panic-confessed to the Heroine to Avoid My Ruin Flag. Since She Was Ok With It, I Will Live a Fake Yuri Life. by Satera Ito

The Witch Nichang by 八千岁 (no transliteration given)

Live Action:

Nü Er Hong

The same account (douqi) that did the translation for Legend of Yunze has translated a lot more Mini-Dramas and I already started this one. I plan to watch more from that selection and dig my way through the carrd.

Carol

Movie Adaption of the book. I don’t always agree with the community on who is universally hot (Keira Knightley does nothing for me.) And think that insisting we all are all attracted to the same peolpe and this is a community shaping shared experience is damaging. But Cate Blanchett can get it and casting her as Carol was an inspired move.

[choccy-milky]

from my new oneshot, 'the vexing village of vellmore' ✨ ao3 / wattpad ((it's about seb & clora visiting a cursed village and trying to figure out how to break the curse, and since it ended up being 50k words i decided to split it into 2 chapters and the next part will be out soon!🙏 also, while it does have spoilers for the raven and the snake, it's a standalone story and can be read blind💖))

[chalkrub]

so i remembered daily comic day this year and i am paying for it

[anbaisai]

Happy New Year!! 🎉🐍

It's the year of the snake, so who better to celebrate it with than our resident snake boy?

I may not be the best with words, but I really appreciate everyone that has showed me support in the past year. You guys have been amazing, and I hope to see you around in the new year too ❤

Thank you for an incredible 2024, and wishing everyone a wonderful 2025!

[froglover7789]

every iteration of the doctor can be categorized into two categories: dyke and twink

[brainzzzeater]

Happy Halloween spideypool nation‼️

Halloween version of this post since booping is back

[twstyuna]

The transfer student looks familiar

The end of the event. Pain and agonies. Behold mine copium.

[saltynsassy31]

Full disclaimer, I have to read any of the fics written for Shockwave and the kids yet as I've been busy and off Tumblr for a bit for my own mental health lol

But I recently saw a photo of an abandoned carousel in some underground area filled with puddles and it reminded me of that one deleted scene from Detroit: Become Human where the Jerry's make a broken carousel work again for Alice and they all just watched her happily play on it as the world around them crumbled.

And, with that thought, it also reminded me of Shockwave and the kids and I simply HAD to write a small drabble fic of it. Sorry if it isn't accurate for the characters or the story already made, but I hope it's enjoyed regardless :3

And, I hope, with all the angst going on, this fluffy story will satisfy yall a bit XD

[This is the post I saw that inspired me to write this, if anyone wants a visual of the place: https://www.instagram.com/reel/DGog_W_vDiR/?igsh=b3FsYm50enJhM3ln ]

AU belongs to @keferon

Carousel

~☆~

As the days went by, the situation they all found themselves in was slowly starting to get far too real. It was fun, at first, running around abandoned buildings and scavenging for whatever they could find, spending time with their newly acquired aquatic dad friend who kept them safe and well fed.

But then things started to show up and it scared them. Shockwave tried to avoid the areas with the most floating bodies, the children having seen enough of that (and he hoped they hadn't seen any they would recognise), but every now and then something would float up and startle them. Other times they'd run into bigger problems while scavenging and they had far too many close calls for Shockwave's liking.

They tend to keep themselves entertained, for the most part. Shockwave only occasionally indulged. But, usually, he could simply gently float on the surface of the water and let the kids tire themselves out. However, they've become more quiet lately.

It was hard to tell what caused it. Could be a myriad of things, as listed before, maybe it was finally starting to dawn on them how the situation was far from ideal. Maybe it was the conversation they had with that Orca - Jazz, was it? Shockwave couldn't tell, and it bothered him.

He missed their lively chatter (it still happened, but few and far between). A part of him was starting to wonder if the humans who called him out on the fact that this wasn't normal behaviour for human children were right, a small pang of regret reaching the back of his mind.

But he shook those thoughts away. Now wasn't the time. Nothing about their situation was normal anyway, he was already providing more than enough for them to survive this cruel world.

Shockwave was aggressively pulled out of his drifting thoughts by an ear piercing screech that immediately put him on high alert.

“Guys! Guys! Look!” He heard Skids say. Turning to look at him, he followed where the boy was pointing at.

It looked to be some kind of fair or theme part, it was a little hard to tell. Half of it was submerged, but there were some areas in which the water had receded. Shockwave relaxed once he deemed the situation safe, but still gave a small scrutinising glare at Skids for causing unnecessary concern - which went, of course, completely ignored.

“Oh wow, it looks pretty banged up, huh?” Tc noted, crawling closer to the edge of Shockwave's back to get a better look.

“But there might still be some things left over. You know how much they tend to sell in these places? And now we can just snag them!” Warp argued, already getting excited at the thought.

“Do we really need more useless things to carry around?” Trailbreaker argued, the bag he carried strangely heavier on his back.

“There are other things we could do there.” Skids quickly chimed in. “We could check out some of the games they have.”

“Would there be any still working?”

“Carnival games easy to fix, Soundwave up to the task.”

They all turned to look at Soundwave, seemingly to silently fall into an agreement.

Warp turned to face Shockwave, clasping his hands together as he pleaded. “Can we go there? Pretty pleaaaase?” Before he could even answer, the others had joined them.

He wasn't going to say no. This was the exact type of fun distraction they needed, maybe it would help them go back to their usual, energetic selves. So the theatrics were unnecessary. Still, he couldn't help the small amusement it brought him. He pretended to think it over, as if he didn't already have their answer.

“Hmm, I don't know…”

Those simple words were enough to make them all Start to plead harder, making their eyes as big as possible, throwing promises he knew they'd never actually follow through.

That broke the façade he was trying to play up, causing him to laugh. “Alright, alright. We can go.” The kids erupted into celebratory cheers, hugging each other and jumping on Shockwave's back. “But don't stray so far where I can't reach you, okay?”

They all nodded, but he only had trust in some of them to actually obey his orders.

Regardless, he swam over to the abandoned park and waited until they had slid off of him before crawling over onto land. The ground was still pretty wet, so it made it easier for him to slide around and follow them, keeping himself to the more deeper puddles when possible.

He watched as they all went to different directions with their own, small group. Tc and Warp, always tied to the hip, ran over to some of the stands that still had some prizes hanging. Windcharger and Trailbreaker followed Damus as he ran to play some of the games that didn't require power to work. And Skids and Soundwave went…

Where did they go?

Panic immediately followed the realisation. Shockwave stood up straighter and began to spin his head around in search of the two missing kids. The others didn't seem to have noticed their absence, too enthralled in their own activity.

He was about to start calling when he heard a familiar boisterous voice call from not too far. “Guys! Over here! Come see what me and Soundwave just discovered!”

Immediately, all of the attention was on Skids who had a smile so wide Shockwave was worried he'd hurt himself with it. The others looked at each other briefly before making their way over, Damus hesitating a bit before putting down the fishing rod he held and following the rest.

Shockwave did so as well, to the best of his abilities anyway. The further they went, the tighter the space became and less water reached the surface for him to easily slide around. He wanted to voice his complaint of them going too far, like he had explicitly told them not to before coming here (and really, he thought Warp would have disobeyed first before Soundwave. Skids made sense, but him?) But before he could even think of what to say, Skids noticed his struggle and seemed to remember something.

“Oh, right! Almost forgot.” He jogged over to the mer shark and gently grabbed at one of his fingers to guide him elsewhere. “There's an opening that takes you directly to the area we found. You have to swim underneath some rubble, but it should fit you.”

The boy took him to some dilapidated attraction of the park, it was too broken to tell what it used to be, but it did create an opening that allowed Shockwave to fit through perfectly fine. “Just swim straight ahead and it should take you to the area, we'll meet you there.”

Immediately, Shockwave didn't like that idea, and he didn't need to voice his thoughts for the teen to catch on, his glare doing the job just fine. “It'll be fine, don't worry! It's not that far. Less than a minute, probably less than a second for you since you're so big you'll just have to slide in and out. Besides, there's nothing here, the place is completely barren.”

Shockwave was still unconvinced.

Skids took to pleading. “Please! It'll be quick, I promise you. And worth it too! It's the exact thing we've been needing, and Soundwave put a lot of work on it. I know you don't like leaving us alone for even a second, but give it a chance?”

They stared at each other for a moment, Skids making his eyes as wide and innocent as possible and Shockwave hoping the stubborn teen would dispel this idea with his glare alone.

In the end, Skids guppy eyes were far too powerful even for a great shak such as Shockwave. And the kid was right, wasn't this what he wanted for them to begin with?

He let out a heavy sigh of defeat and reluctantly agreed to it. “Fine. I trust you, but if anything shows up–”

“We don't engage with it and call for you, yes, I know. Now go! Soundwave is waiting!” Skids ushered Shockwave to submerge himself into the large opening with the wave of his hands and only joined back with the others once he could no longer see the large mer.

One relief Shockwave had was that the tunnel formed was large enough that he could easily turn around and pop back out if he heard any of the kids in danger, though it also lacked any proper escape for him as it only had one direction for him to go. Straight ahead or backwards. 

But Skids was right in saying the trip was short, he could already hear the muffled voices of his children. Soon enough, he found himself resurfacing, the lively chatter being the first thing his senses picked up on.

When the children heard the splash of water, they all turned to look towards the source of the noise, their excitement almost blindingly radiat in contrast to the dark, murky room they found themselves in.

The place was closed off by fallen buildings that created a sort of cave around them, plenty of fauna already making its home here. It was fairly empty as well, save for the large, round attraction in the middle of the room. It had horses stuck to poles inside it, a dim pink and gold decorating the whole thing, the paintings that littered it had long since faded and it was hard to tell what it once was.

“Okay, you're here, good.” Skids turned to Soundwave, who was standing next to what looked to be a control panel. “Soundwave, would you do us the honours?”

The other teen nodded, bending down to start pulling at some wires in place of pressing the buttons offered. Warp scoffed, crossing his arms and looking skeptically at his friend. “There's no power here, how in the world are you going to get it to work? I swear, if you brought us all the way here for nothing I–”

Before he could finish his sentence, a blast of music and light echoed loudly around the empty space, causing everyone to flinch back and cover their ears. Shockwave nervously looked around, worried that the loud noise might have attracted some unwanted attention. Once the shock faded, Skids ran up to Soundwave and gestured proudly at the now working carousel.

“Ta-da!”

“Wh…how is this possible!?” Warp questioned, looking at Soundwave for answers, to not only be ignored, but shoved around by the other kids who ran towards the attraction. “Seriously?! Is no one else even a little bit concerned on how this is possible?”

Tc placed a hand over his shoulder, bringing his attention to him. “Warp, just enjoy the miracle. When are we going to get another chance like this?”

Warp could only grumble. Tc was right, they wouldn't, not for a long time. That didn't mean he had to accept it though.

Shockwave watched as they all walked over and picked their favourite horse, Tc and Skids fighting over the same blue one before Trailbreaker broke their fight up and offered his to Tc, walking up to help Damus up and sit with him instead. Shockwave observed the way Soundwave continued to pick at the control panel and looked up at the other children, waiting for their confirmation that they were ready before clicking something and closing the panel. As soon as he did that, the carousel began to slowly move, the horses bobbing up and down in gentle motions, causing the kids to excitedly cheer.

Soundwave stepped on the moving platform while it was still picking up speed and sat on a random horse near Windcharger. Although not as vocal as the others, he was clearly enjoying it.

Shockwave couldn't quite get what was so entertaining about the thing. It was slow, even after it picked up some speed, and the music was painful to the ears. But that didn't quite matter, did it? They were happy, and they were having fun.

It clearly was something they knew about before the tsunami, before their civilization fell apart. A simple joy of life that they missed.

And, in a world dimmed by tragedy and destruction, where at every corner something threatens their very existence, isn't that all they could ask for?

So, in a small moment of peace, Shockwave let himself relax. He bent forward and rested his chin over his crossed arms and watched as his children sang along with the screechy music, bouncing on their fake horses and pretending they were in some high chase in their little imaginary world.

In this dreary reality, even the artificial light of a broken past could make it all worth it. 

[rawbin-hsr]

Aventurine x Reader

You treat Aventurine with more respect than he deserves.

Read part 2 here !

Only barely proof-read, guaranteed to have lots of grammatical errors, English is not my first language and I am experimenting with my writing style <3

CW: smut, handjob (Aventurine receiving), dehumanisation (internal, thoughts Aventurine has of himself, referring to himself as a “monster”), feelings of inadequacy, hurt/very little comfort, crying, mentions of death, at some points this seems like dubcon because Aventurine speaks of feeling “dread”, but it’s NEVER intended to be read as him not wanting to receive touch from reader, it is meant to convey how little he thinks he deserves this. The smut is soft and gentle, but Aventurine’s internal thoughts definitely are not <3

Lmk if there’s anything else I should warn about !!

18+, minors will be blocked <3

Your touch is so kind. Soft and gentle, as if he is made of the finest porcelain, as if he is a fragile flower, as if he is delicate. It is cruel, he thinks, that he has made you think he is any less than a monster. It is cruel that he hasn’t pushed you away, when he knows he will devour you. It has become part of his nature.

But how can he push you away when you are so persistent? How can he push you away when you roll with his punches, when you go along with each and every one of his pushes and pulls? It is hard to keep you out when you insistently pry your way into what’s left of his soul, when you gaze upon the rotten corpse that he is and still claim him to be beautiful. He thinks you must be blind at best and naive at worst.

“You’re so pretty,” you whisper reverently, and though Aventurine knows his body is, he also knows that is not the part of him you’re referring to. Not when your hand rests on his chest, above the empty cavern where his heart is meant to be.

You kiss his neck and he shivers. There’s a pit in his stomach, knotting his insides with dread.

He should tell you to stop, should warn you that he’s deceiving you, that he’s not the person you think he is. Should show you that he is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, that he is a bad omen. But he can’t bring himself to. Not when being with you feels so good, not when he’s self-indulgent to a fault, and he can’t help himself with you. He is the worst mistake you could ever make, in part because he can’t even stop from letting you continue to make it.

His hands rest on the back of your neck, fingers tangled in your hair. It is unfair how good your touch feels, his back arching just from mere caresses upon his skin. You play him like he’s an instrument you’ve practiced for years, despite never having fucked him before. He digs his heels into your back as your hand wraps around his dick, and he whines into your shoulder when you lovingly stroke it.

“I love you,” you murmur as he pulls on your hair, as his nails dig into your skin, and he wants to cry. He will destroy you from the inside out, he knows, or maybe he will kill you before he gets the chance to. He can never keep the things he loves alive.

Your lips kiss his skin, and he moans brokenly as your thumb glides over the head of his cock, pushing down on the tip. His hips rock up to meet your hand, and he feels ashamed of how blatantly he allows himself to enjoy you, how blatantly he allows himself to use you. You deserve so much better, but you are the best thing that he has ever managed to get his bloodstained hands on, and so he can’t help himself. He wants you to remain unaware of how much better you could do. He wants you to stubbornly remain by his side even when he makes it hard for you to do so. He wants to bare every part of his being to you so you can see how little worth he is to you. He wants you to run from him before it’s too late.

But part of him knows he already has shown you himself, that you’ve seen who he is and you still love him. You must be stupid.

“Use me,” he begs you, wishing you’d do something with him to alleviate the guilt he feels, so it would at least be mutual. His hands cling to you, and he whimpers pathetically when you lean back to look down at him. “Use me, please. Please…”

And your eyes are so kind. Your eyes are so sweet and soft and human, and everything he is not.

“Shh,” you hush him, tenderly pressing a kiss to his lips. He sobs, feeling embarrassing tears fill his eyes as you press closer to him, the touch so caring and innocent yet so lewd as your hand tugs at him. “Just let me make you feel good, okay?”

And you do. You always keep true to your words, unlike him. It’s barely a minute later that his breath hitches and he keens, nearly wailing into your neck as he comes undone under your too loving hands. It’s obscene, and he feels filthy as his semen paints your hand and splatters on his lower stomach. He has soiled your perfect skin, has dirtied your perfect body. He hopes you will let go of him and wash yourself up, then leave him here, broken on the bed in the mess he’s created. That you will leave him to pick up the pieces of himself he has left. He is undeserving of you.

And yet he only feels your love swaddle him when his body relaxes, adoring praises and sweet words tumbling from your perfect lips as your perfect hands gently stroke his body, soothing him as if he is deserving. Your perfect body presses closer to him, no doubt getting his mess on your perfect abdomen as you almost lay yourself flat on him. You pepper perfect kisses all over his face, and he realises belatedly he’s crying. For the first time in ten years. Fat tears rolling down his cheeks, and he doesn’t know for what reason.

But you seem like you do know. You look so understanding, wiping his tears with an achingly kind, perhaps slightly sad smile, and you don’t ask him why.

“I’ve got you now, it’s okay,” you say instead. And you do, because you always keep true to your word.

And he is selfish, because he doesn’t stop you. He lets you clean him up, lets you kiss his tears away, lets you take care of him. Lets you climb into bed with him afterwards, unaware that you have brought the monster under your bed up into your loving arms. He hasn’t felt so much love since he was nine.

And he is selfish, because even though he can already feel his claws dig into your flesh as he holds you in return, he cannot bring himself to pull away. He can only hope he won’t dig in his heels when you eventually see reason and try to leave. He can only hope you will have the time to get away before he kills you.

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My inbox is open, feel free to send in asks or requests, I'd love to ramble about things <3

[rsenak]

something something immediate follow up to this

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

Alex Turner + gushing talking about Miles Kane

[spookygibberish]

Horotmu-Pavam of Solēsne was a Southern Throne born of the union of Unbodied Horotmu of Solēsne and Headless Pavam of Hatab, and was one of the most famous Solēsne Throne, much to the despair of House Solēsne. They are known best for their failure to synchronize, and the resultant death of a House Venvin scion at their hands, or rather teeth. Horotmu-Pavam has become a character of academic interest, a case study on the art of matching Headless and Unbodied, and a dramatic illustration of the consequences should a pair be ill-considered.

[somegrumpynerd]

Okay hear me out

Nightmare asking Killer if there's anything he wants and Killer says he wants to go see Color in the omega timeline. He hasn't seen him in a while and he misses his friend, but Nightmare takes this to mean he wants to leave and stay with Color permanently.

He agrees, because even though it makes him deeply sad to lose one of his men, he needs to let Killer go and live with other mortals and be happy. Killer texts Color and goes to pack a bag and Nightmare opens a portal and takes him to the omega timeline. They meet Color and he's looking very suspicious of Nightmare while Killer runs up all excited and off they go.

And Nightmare goes back to the castle. He spends the rest of the day in a weird daze, feeling kind of empty. When the others inevitably ask where Killer is, he hesitates and tells them he's in the omega timeline and doesn't elaborate further.

Eventually he shuts himself in his office for the night and just sits at his desk, staring into space. He's glad Killer's happy, of course, but it still hurts that he's gone. What is he going to tell the others when they start asking again, after it's been too long to be a simple visit? Will they all want to leave? They probably all have places to be, maybe he should let them go, would that be better for everyone? If Killer, who was always so eager and happy to be here, wanted nothing more than to get out, what does that mean for the rest of them?

This is the beginning of the end, isn't it? He'll have to let them all go, and then he'll be alone. Just like when he and Dream were kids and Dream would go off with his own friends. Except he can talk to Dream now, can't he? Maybe he should ask him about this. If nothing else maybe Dream would agree to visit him, once they're all gone.

But before he can pick up his phone and call his brother, it starts buzzing and it's Killer like "Okay I'm ready to come home now c:"

[galaxyspark-6e16]

My Viva gijinka design ✨🌟🌠 isn't she fantamazing!

[heartorbit]

HAPPY NEWONDERHOY YEAR 🍡

[airenyah]

Episode 6: FadelStyle vs. Beginnings and Endings

In the past one and a half-ish weeks we've discussed at length just how good the last scene at the diner is and how Style drawing tears on Fadel at the rock concert was foreshadowing to Fadel ending the episode crying real tears. What I haven't seen discussed yet, however, is how that ending scene is actually a counterpart to Fadel and Style's conversation after the rock concert. And I think that makes the scene in the diner even more poignant. And it also makes the scene at the rock pub even more painful as well. Because they are basically the same scenes, just flipped. And I desperately need to talk about it or else I'll explode.

Part 1: "Tonight I am very happy"

In this scene Style knows something that Fadel doesn't: This will most likely be their last chance to be happy together like this. Tomorrow Fadel will go on his mission where the police will be waiting and then Fadel will be taken away from him.

But Style already loves Fadel, he is already worried about him and he really does not want to lose him. So he keeps trying to subtly talk Fadel into staying home from the mission and spilling the beans about the mission so he can explicitly ask Fadel not to go. But Fadel keeps his mouth shut. And as happy as Style is together with Fadel this evening, he is also very upset. He doesn't want the night to end, but there's no way around it. For Style this is a goodbye.

And for Fadel? Fadel went from I'll tell her this will be your last job to Ruerat is the last jerk we have to kill. After that, we can live however we want. Even in this episode, right before he goes to the concert with Style, Fadel tells Bison "Once we’re done with Ruerat, I’ll talk to Mother again", when Bison says it's time for them to quit. Fadel is on the same page as Bison now. Ruerat is their last victim and after that Fadel wants out. For Fadel, this is the last night where he's still stuck in his hitman life, but once he is done with his mission the weight will be off his shoulders and he can finally truly be with Style. For Fadel this is the opposite of a goodbye.

In the words of my mother: For Style, when the night is over life will end. For Fadel, when the night is over life will begin. Style is ending something and Fadel wants to begin something.

And another thing my mom pointed out is how they're standing in front of a pink sky:

And at what time of the day is the sky pink? Either at dawn or at dusk. The beginning of the day or the end of the day. And for Fadel this scene is only the beginning of the day while for Style this scene is the end of the day.

Part 2: "I think I already love you"

In this scene Fadel knows something that Style doesn't: Style has played him, has made him lower his protective walls, has made him fall for him only to turn around and betray him.

Style told Fadel he hoped that Fadel wouldn't get any more scars and yet here Style is, stabbing Fadel right in the heart and jeopardizing his life. Here Style is, bursting Fadel's bubble that he's finally started daring to dream about, a dream of a future where he wasn't lonely, a future where he was happy and himself with someone, Style, by his side. Style is a danger to him. Style can't stay. As happy as Fadel has been together with Style, he needs to let go of him. For Fadel this is a goodbye.

And for Style? He has just spent a full week worrying sick about Fadel after his mission went wrong and went completely MIA. Style has likely (definitely) spent a week checking the restaurant every single day for any sign of Fadel's return, not giving up hope of seeing him again. And then Fadel is back. Style is overjoyed. The heavy metal concert wasn't their last day together, Fadel is pulling through on his promise to have many more nights like that with each other. The concert may have been the end of the day, but now against all odds a new day has come. For Style this is the opposite of a goodbye.

And so we're left with the exact opposite situation from what we had at the concert: Fadel is ending something and Style wants to begin something.

Conclusion

These two scenes go together, they're flipped parallels of each other.

At the concert Style is internally saying goodbye to Fadel because he thinks their relationship will be over when Fadel gets arrested at the mission and the police take him away. At the diner Fadel is internally saying goodbye to Style because he thinks their relationship is over now that he "knows" that none of it was real on Style's part since in reality he was working with said police.

At the concert Fadel is truly happy, because once his mission is over he'll talk to mother and when he's managed to convince her that him and Bison will be out, then Fadel can go and start a new life, a new future with Style. At the diner Style is overjoyed because he thought he was about to lose Fadel, but Fadel has come back and now Style gets a second chance at a future with Fadel.

At the concert, Fadel is happy and he can tell something is kinda off about Style ("What's wrong? You act like we’re not going to see each other again."), but he has absolutely no idea that Style is in the process of bidding him farewell. At the diner, Style is happy and he can tell something is kinda off about Fadel ("You were just calling me out for being affectionate. Now you wanna be romantic?"), but he has absolutely no idea that Fadel is in the process of bidding him farewell.

It's brilliant writing, really. And both scenes are flawlessly performed by both boys.