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voiddaisy · 7 months ago

Note

Rank the Batfam members based on how well you think you'd get along irl

This is so fun! Okay, so my idea of canon versus fanon is kind of messed up, but I'm going to do my best to go solely off of what I know is canon. I also went a little overboard and did some character study shit because when I tell you I love the bat family, I love the bat family.

(1) Duke Thomas. From what I know about canon, we are really alike. He has a strong moral compass, wants to help people, and can be super goofy and silly. He doesn't really take things super seriously, cares a lot about his family, and is not afraid to lie to Bruce, which I am a supporter of. I think overall we would get along the best just because we are so alike. He also just seems so chill and fun to be around, and I've made a post about this before, but he is so nonjudgmental when it comes to his friends and family, so nonchalant, and literally just the cutie patootie ever, so for sure him.

(2) Stephanie Brown. I love Steph and no one can take that away from me. She reminds me a lot of one of my sisters; She is very witty and humorous, and she is determined, stubborn, and compassionate. She tries to have a positive outlook on everything, despite everything she has been through. I think we would get along well because she is kind of my opposite in a lot of ways. She is outgoing, confrontational, and rebellious, but still vulnerable, caring, and selfless. We would kind of just be a slay duo in my opinion.

(3) Dick Grayson. If I didn't relate so much to Duke, I would definitely say I am the most like Dick. He is a perfectionist, very sarcastic, caring, and literally rocks "eldest daughter syndrome," which... same. He is also such an emotional person, and most of his emotions come out in anger because he doesn't know how to regulate them, which I can relate to. He has that personality that is so easy to banter with but also gets vulnerable, which we see a lot in the comics when it comes to his brothers. I just think our personalities would blend really easily together.

(4) Barbara Gordon. Barbara is literally that bitch. She is super intelligent, determined, hard-working, and responsible while also being empathetic, funny, independent, and wise. She takes so many of the bat kids under her wing as a mentor and tries to build them up to be better people (literally fixing what Bruce messes up). She is super funny and cool, is clearly intelligent without having to flex on it, and cares so deeply for people. If I had an older sister, I'd want her to be just like Babs, because this woman is literally gold. She isn't higher on this list just because I just connect with the other characters more, but she is still just such a good character and I love her so much.

(5) Cassandra Cain. I think I would get along well with Cass because she is a very complex person. She is silent, stoic, determined, responsible, deeply empathetic, and has self-esteem issues. I share a lot of these traits with her, but I'm more... outgoing than she is? So it would be like a bad bitch and her baddie friend situation where I am a yapper and advocate for us both when I normally wouldn't be. She'd encourage my more outgoing side to come out because of how stoic and quiet she can be. She is also like the better version of Bruce Wayne (sorry Bruce), where she still has that intense sense of justice and a strong moral compass, but because she cares so deeply about her friends and family, she puts them first, whereas Bruce kind of... struggles with that lmfao. That is just my interpretation of her, though!

(6) Jason Todd. I actually didn't plan on putting him this high on the list, but after I started typing it out, I was like... oh. I would get along with him better than I thought. Okay, so what annoys me about him is mainly his sense of justice, rebellious nature, complex moral code, and anger. However, these are all issues that stem from his insane trauma and aren't like natural-born traits of his. When he was Robin, he was very playful, witty, kind, and sweet, as a lot of people mention. Despite how he changed after the Lazurus Pit, we still see these personality traits slip through sometimes. He cares a lot about the street kids and does his best to mentor them. In the Gotham Knights cames (which apparently aren't canon but I don't care), he can be very vulnerable and kind to his brothers instead of... beating Tim half to death. Jason is a very emotional character with loyal and protective instincts, and he desires redemption so deeply that he doesn't care how it is acquired. His complexity is what makes me drawn to him, I think. To recognize him as a person who is deeply traumatized and needs positive reinforcement in his life is easy; To give that positive reinforcement is harder. But I think I could offer that to him (and I have the "I can fix him" mentality. Would I be able to fix him? No. Could I be a good friend to him? Maybe). My major qualms with him would be his skewed sense of justice and his moral code; Everything else is like typical emo behavior haha.

(7) Tim Drake. I did not expect Tim to be so low on this list, but I guess it's more of a little brother-type situation. Tim is very intelligent, analytical, determined, empathetic, and compassionate. He shares a lot of traits with Dick, where he is a natural kind of leader and has a deep resourcefulness to him. He can be very self-critical and lacks a need to take care of himself, but he is a team player and can be very responsible. He is also just kind of like... the funniest bat brother to me. It's his sarcasm and the way he picks on people, I think. While he is a good character, I just think I would get frustrated with his stubbornness very quickly. He also just has that little brother attitude that gets on my nerves. But I do think that I would be like a big sister figure to him if that makes sense? Like "you love to hate them" type of shit.

(8) Damian Wayne. Okay, to preface; Damian is just a deeply traumatized kid, so my reservations are literally just about that. I have what you would call a chronic need to fix people, and Damian would just be so easy for me to try to fix, even if I knew I couldn't. He has a skewed sense of justice, like Jason does, but is easier to convince not to kill people. He is stoic, cold, can be emotionless at times, and does not want people to take care of him. I saw some panel yesterday about Dick trying to comfort him after Bruce dies, and Damian is so choked up and doesn't want to speak about it, despite Dick being his older brother. Damian has literally been trained since birth to focus on his mission, his feelings be damned, and I would have such a hard time with that. I would just get so emotional over him and want to take care of him, and he would hate that. I just think that he wouldn't like me very much. I love Damian as a character and I love how complex he is, but he would not love me lmfao.

(9) Bruce Wayne. I knew Bruce was going to be last because there is a special place in my heart reserved for my beef with parents who fuck up their kids. Even though Bruce tries to be a good father to his kids, he is just so shit at it sometimes, and it makes me so mad. In my real life, any time my parents fuck with one of my sisters, I get so irrationally angry and want to fist-fight them. If I was around Bruce and his traumatized children, I would want to throw hands with him every time I saw him. I know that deep down, Bruce is a really good man who just wants to help people, but the way he treats his children literally just boils my blood. I would get along with him if he either didn't have children or had some deep-rooted therapy to fix his emotional constipation. I mean... we would get along fine I'm sure, I would just always have that rage, you know?

This was way longer than I intended it to be, but I have been doing so much character study lately about these people and wanted to share my opinion on each of them in a broader way. If I messed up their character in relation to DC canon... oh well. Also, I know Jason Todd is a little bitch, but he is my little bitch, so it's fine.

Thank you for the ask <3 this was so fun!!

#bat family #batman #dc comics #headcanons #character study #icarus yaps #duke thomas #stephanie brown #dick grayson #cassandra cain #jason todd #barbara gordon #tim drake #damian wayne #bruce wayne

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yuridovewing · 5 months ago

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How did you make Rainflower worse? I'm really interested.

Rubs my hands together. I made that woman RANCID (Putting this under the cut because I predict it’ll get long and I wanna throw up a CW for abuse of power, child abuse, victim blaming, humiliation, and ableist abuse. Also disclaimer: haven’t reread Crookedstar’s Promise in a minute, and I want to, so this is subject to change)

Razorverse Rainflower… or as she’s properly called… Rainstar.

Just gonna plagiarize @/bonefall’s structure and stuff here lmaooo. Gonna list what I don’t care for about the canon version, what I’d like to do but am not sure how to go about it exactly, and what I know I want to do.

Canon:

-So, Rainflower. We all know her, she’s The Bad Mom. The one who renamed her son something ableist for the purpose of humiliating and disowning him. The one who never apologized, barely made any attempts to support him further, and fucked up Crookedstar’s self esteem and drove him into Mapleshade’s claws.

-I don’t have an issue with her being portrayed like this at all. Rainflower herself, as she’s presented in the book in a vacuum, is fine. I’m very anti “oh lets never talk about serious topics in kids content” because that’s an easy slippery slope into book banning to me. Her actions are portrayed as horrific, and if I remember correctly, Crookedstar doesn’t forgive her. No reconciliation. With several kids properties (and WC itself if we’re being honest) making plotlines about how you have to forgive your abuser or you suck, that’s honestly sort of refreshing. You’re not obligated to forgive your mother because she’s your mother. Fuck that. The ableism adds a whole extra layer to this as well because while I don’t remember specific caretaker abuse in the book, plenty of victims have spoken up about relating to Crookedstar. She really is the recipe for an intentionally awful character.

-That being said… man, it’s kinda weird how this random ass queen apparently has the power to rename her child something derogatory in the eyes of their god and the leader who is in charge of all this is like “yeah sure okay”, and everyone else is like “oughhh that bites! ah well though what can ya do? sorry infant, we’re cool with calling you a slur forever” and that is never addressed or seen as weird and we’re supposed to love all these other characters and see them as role models for Crookedkit.

-It makes RiverClan look Pretty Bad, Dude. Which would be cool if it was intentional-there’s actually a line in Cats of the Clans that implies Crookedstar struggled because of societal expectations, not just his mom’s disowning. I kinda wanna reincorporate that. Like, Rainflower isn’t just One Bad Mom, she’s a product of her environment, she has a clique of cats that think just like her.

-Also… while I don’t think this is necessarily a bad thing in a kids book, yeah, Rainflower is pretty flat. Not completely- my best friend read the book recently and he actually made a great point that Rainflower’s kind of a bad mom even before the accident because she brags and brags about her kids, but doesn’t really look out for them, which makes them get hurt. She thinks her kids fart rainbows until one of them makes her look bad, after which she disowns and treats him poorly. But aside from that… there’s not much to her. She gives birth in a storm and has sentimental names because of that, she is a doting mama until she isn’t, and you could also say she’s vain.

-Again- all that is perfectly fine.

-But… and this may read as a little controversial to the fandom crowd… I like to add a bit more meat to abusive characters.

-Not necessarily by making them sympathetic, although that’s one way to do it if done properly and with the tact and attention it deserves.

-But I want to make them read more like people. People who have families and friends, who have hobbies and favorite foods and silly weekly routines. Who have fears and anxieties, who care deeply for the ones they love. Who are charming and well liked.

-Because abusers are not identifiable at a distance. They’re not always obvious. They’re not ugly, or constantly acting like douchebags.

-A lot of abuse falls under the rug because of the abuser’s status in reality. A man that beats his wife could have his family rally behind him because… well, they grew up with him. That’s not who he TRULY is. What did the wife do to provoke him? No no, this man also has an important job, he has a lot of connections and people willing to stick up for him. “I’ve talked to him before and he was just the nicest man! He would never do anything like that. Maybe he was just having a hard day. His job is so hard, you know!”

-A mom who stalks and beats her kids? Well, she’s so sweet in public! She tutors the neighbors kids, you can’t possibly expect us to believe she’s hurting her own! They must be problem children anyways if she has to keep her eye on them.

-That aunt who emotionally abuses her nespring? Well, she’s got such an important job higher up and she has connections (and eyes) everywhere! There’s no escape no way you could expect us to believe that such a helpful person could be so cruel!

-(And in cases of romantic relationships there is typically victim blaming in this line of thinking. “How did you not know they were abusive? Surely you noticed SOME of the signs? You’re not innocent here. You chose this. You can’t expect me to be sympathetic.” This doesn’t apply to Rainflower, but since I’m talking about fandom abuse, I think it’s worth a mention.)

-These people can’t be abusers. Because they’re human. They’re loved. And if that’s true… doesn’t that mean you and I are also capable of abuse? That people we know and trust in real life could be abusive? People we look up to? No, no. Of course not. Abusers aren’t human. And as long as we slot them as inhuman entities, as Other, that means we could never become like that. Ever. Anyways, I just got done rewatching all the silly pirate movies, he’s so funny and charming! How could that evil inhuman bitch EVER think he abused her? She is a demon who should rot in hell for making me feel bad about my best celebrity friend. She should’ve just put up and shut up.

-(Really hope it’s obvious, but I know what fandom I’m talking to, so I’m gonna slap an /S here for that whole paragraph)

-And I can’t help but see parallels of that when I look at fandom and you have people going “you’re an abuse apologist if you think this abusive character had a backstory or motive!” or “This comic is bad because it portrays an abuser as having a pleasant relationship with their sibling!”

-The reality is that no one is born evil. No one crawls out the womb ready to commit war crimes or whatever, no matter what Warrior Cats tries to tell you.

-A big thing that allows abuse to fester is power. Familial abuse is so common because the children are under the care of the adults around them that have every right over their autonomy. Becoming a parent is to have power over a small, vulnerable person… and so of course, that creates an environment where the adults are practically welcome to take advantage of that.

-Of course someone might not notice their friend is a child abuser. Their friend probably doesnt have intoxicating power over them, so they don’t see that behavior. And if that friend somehow does hold power over them… well, all the more reason not to rock the boat, right?

-Okay I’m rambling at this point so let’s bring it back to Rainflower. I’ve seen a couple people try to flat out woobify her, which is something I don’t particularly care for personally, but it’s led people to be kinda volatile to those who do try to add… More, to Rainflower. “Oh, you must do that because you don’t think her abuse is that bad!” Even when that’s not at all what people are saying.

-Rainflower isn’t real. The way she’s handled resonates with people, and that IS real, and should be respected. (Again- I’m not saying it’s bad to portray her as pure evil. I’m sure that’s liberating for some people who grew up with a parent like her! Different strokes for different folks)

-But that doesn’t mean we’re not talking about fiction at the end of the day, and no, we are not toning down abuse by daring to ask why Rainflower is the way she is.

-And that’s what I’m gonna ask.

What I’d Like to Do:

-So, Rainstar is leader now. That’s my answer to the awkward way the original renaming is handled.

-I like readings where she’s thoroughly punished, or that Hailstar was biased in her favor and had to be humbled for it later. But I felt particularly spiteful about the “Listen to your leader no matter what or you’re a heathen!” law they’ve only recently let up on (only to mock the change if I’m reading it right) and I was like. Actually let’s play around with that.

-The idea here is that Rainstar is someone who uses her power to abuse those around her. She doesn’t really need to be leader to abuse Stormkit, she has structural power over him as his mother and a warrior, but I wanted her to be leader because… jesus christ can you imagine having your abusive parent be your leader as well? The one who decides what route you take in the clan? Who has autonomy over you for battle patrols? Who can humiliate and punish you with no repercussions? Where your clanmates sticking up for you could be systematically punished for doing do?

-I still need to figure out the timeline here. If she dies at the same time as in canon, how long this goes on for, all the cats that are Team Crookedjaw or Team Rainstar, etc. I’d like him to still have good moments to breathe in between all this, like Brambleberry is still important and advocates for him a lot, his friendship with Willowbreeze and his brotherhood with Oakheart, the barn cats are still helpful to him after he returns. I do think she dies relatively early though. Crookedstar becomes a leader very young.

-Basically though, the idea is that Rainstar is a perfectionist that’s intoxicated on power. Growing up, she seemed to be a perfectly kind warrior. She and Shellheart were a great couple and she was excellent friends with Hailstep and Echomist, even if she could have a competitive streak.

-But… her grandfather was Appledusk. Who died at the serial killer Mapleshade’s claws before he met his kits. Who was also a codebreaker, and implied to have not been the best mate to Reedshine.

-Though the clan forgave him, there was a pressure on his lineage to not repeat his mistakes. After all, if he never had an affair with Mapleshade (broke our wonderful code!) this may not have happened.

-Applefrost and Duskwater made it as top standard warriors, with Duskwater having been deputy before she retired. There wasn’t a single blemish on their records.

-Rainflower felt this pressure throughout her life. She felt confined to clan life, doing whatever she was told. If she was told to jump, she asked how high. She was perfect. A model warrior for the apprentices to look up to. Always smiling and happy to join patrols, attend festivals, taste test meals, etc. She was just what she needed to be… with no room to breathe. No room to fail.

-And of course, because she’s just a cat, she did fail. Like taking too much food at mealtime. Or falling asleep during her vigil. And when she did, it was scandalous. She was berated by her former mentor and parents, cats whispered about how clumsy she was, how she probably couldn’t be leader after all.

-Rainflower would recover, as would her reputation. She climbed the ranks with a raised head and tail. Never faltering if she could help it. Gathering several loyal supporters.

-When she finally became leader though, it was like some of the pressure gave way. She still followed the code, still did her part, she was still exceedingly popular and was responsible for very smart negotiations with the other clans, even managing to work through a sturdy alliance with Heatherstar.

-But… she had more agency atop her clan. Sure, she still couldn’t fail, not ever. But if she had to, say, give a warrior humilating tasks for speaking to her in a tone she didnt like, she could. If her mate and deputy, Shellheart, did something she didn’t like, she could leverage her power over him, with the clan’s support even.

-It was only a matter of time before things got worse… When Oakkit and Stormkit were born. Duskwater died in the storm around the same time they took their first breath. Applefrost had died years prior. Rainstar took pride in her kittens, but the pressure was on once again- never fail. Don’t make us look bad. Don’t make me look bad. If you fail, then I have failed.

-And when Stormkit cracks his jaw that fateful day, he failed. She failed.

-She saw him as a humiliation. Something to be ashamed of. Perfect Rainstar’s son, disfigured.

-When Brambleberry informed her that he would be permanently disabled from now on, resentment began to brew. Even though Stormkit was still healing, she became colder and harsher to him. Propping up Oakkit as her golden child, her winnings. And putting down Stormkit as her failure, something to be ashamed of.

-She essentially dehumanizes Stormkit (and Oakkit to an extent). They are extensions of her. They are something to be idolized. They are something to throw around when you need to release stress. And that’s just what she does when she renames him Crookedkit and decides to keep him a kit forever.

-He doesn’t even get the privilege of being an elder. Elders gave something to their clan and are honored and supported since they’re frail now. Crookedkit didn’t do anything worthy, he acted like a child, and ruined himself, so he gets to stay a child. Forever.

-Crookedkit was unfortunately subject to a lot of public humiliation and pressure during this time. (I’m wondering if Shellheart still dumps Rainstar here. Their mateship is dead either way, but he also probably still tries to suck up to her to keep his deputyship. Kinda torn on whether he flipflops between supporting Crookedjaw or Rainstar because of it… Leaning towards him being just on Crooked’s side, but I also like him having to be a tiebreaker between Brambleberry and Rainstar)

-When Crookedkit is denied his apprentice ceremony for several moons, he runs away to the barn, where he gets properly trained. This is a wip, I wanna reread the book and see how they handle this in canon, but these cats stick around for the rest of his life. Bonefall even had one go back with him in Better Bones, so I think I may take a page out of his book and do that too. (Maybe with a different cat though lol) They remain a support system for him.

-Oakpaw also deals with similar pressure, as well as his mom worshipping him (and knowing he’ll be humiliated like his brother if he “fails”). As a form of escapism, once Crookedkit runs away, he repeats history and starts a secret friendship with Bluepaw, the troublemaker ThunderClan apprentice.

-There is that divide in the clan still. Several cats were indeed outraged at Crookedkit’s treatment… but what can they do? Rainstar will punish them if they help. And she has more supporters than not, for one reason or another, whether it’s her former mentor (undecided, he’s an elder I think) or her friend Hailstep. All of which vouch for her, claiming she has the right to handle her son and clanmate the way they want. And besides… he can’t even eat right, how will he be uuuuusefullllllllll

-Oh yeah there’s also the whole “this society is pretty ableist and is unaccommodating to disabled people” thing. Crookedkit struggles to eat! He deals with pain in his jaw all the time, he slurs his words and cant pronounce certain things. Like in canon, he finds support for this in the barn, not in the clan.

-After he comes back for some reason or another (WIP), he’s nearly full grown and imposing, and now that hes uuuuusefullllllllll (so now he’s ok) Rainstar does relent and let him be an apprentice. But his apprenticeship is long and grueling. She refuses to let him go to gatherings, she constantly attacks him over his training and hunting, she gets pissed if a border patrol sees him, she has him perform tasks that upset his jaw (like helping with construction).

-Crookedpaw is freed, however, when dogs are found in the territory. The two major losses? Shellheart and Rainstar. The deputy and leader.

-And a squirrel with a crooked jaw was found on the freshkill pile.

-(with a note that say “Shadey says hi!!! xoxo kys”)

-To say this caused outrage would be an understatement. Crookedpaw would be going from apprentice to leader! He’s underqualified! Forget not having an apprentice- he’s been one for years!

-But. StarClan’s will can’t be denied, Brambleberry says. (Unsure how much she Knows.)

-So Crookedpaw becomes Crookedstar. A false prophet leader.

-From there I think he’s like a proto Onestar? No civil war but he does deal with a ton of pressure and the psychological weight of having to lead the cats who enabled his mom to hurt him. Still figuring out how he was a leader… but he is kinder to his family. He vows to never leverage his power over Silverkit, ever.

Other Stuff I’d Like to Change But I Dunno How:

-God I hate the ableist names so tbh I’d like to nix that here. Make Crookedstar an honor title like in BB (I really like honor titles so I wanna try them out myself) But I don’t quiiite know how to make it work in this context.

-I think I’ve said this before but I want Mapleshade to have haunted Rainstar too. Maybe put some ideas in her head and made her insecurities worse. My only thing is that I dunno how much influence Mapleshade has at that point. I think Crookedstar was where she upped her game and got more power.

Okay if you read all of this, bless you, thank you <3 this took me a minute so I appreciate it. Also if anyone has any tips or criticism I’d welcome them! Especially on all the abuse talk, some of it came from my own feelings and experiences but I would hate if I funked up the wording or misunderstood something. We’re all capable of harm after all and I am not exempt from that. Also if any of the talk was upsetting, I’ll go reblog some kitten pics as a detox.

#warning: i get pretty into it. this may be upsetting to read if you are an abuse survivor #i also talk abt my feelings on how fandom percieves abuse #mail #snarkysneasel #razorverse #rv!rainstar #rv!crookedstar

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danses-with-dogmeat · 1 year ago

Text

Day 28 -- Proctor Ingram

The (nsfw) details for Kinktober 2023, Day 28 are just below the cut!

Minors, please don’t interact.

Body Worship with Proctor Ingram x g/n!Sole

Golly, Proctor Ingram is just one of my favorite people in fallout, I swear. I love her personality, her relationship with the Sole Survivor, her relationship with the rest of the members of the brotherhood and those aboard the Prydwen, her relationship with technology as an engineer, just-- too much to explore in this little work, but still, I hope that love shines through. <3

Enjoy! 😊

Here is the link to my Kinktober 2023 Event List so you can stay up-to-date, or re-visit these works as you please.

Included: Body Worship, self-esteem issues (sorta), jokes in poor taste, relations between ranks, undressing, kissing, so much kissing, breast play, fingering, oral sex, cunnilingus, accepting praise/compliments.

Words: 4.7k

“What do you want?” Ingram blocked the entrance with her semi-mechanical form as she opened the door to her quarters.

Sole’s fist was still raised from their knocking.

“W-well, I just wanted to talk to you about what I said.”

Ingram scowled down at them, her hard, unforgiving brows low over her eyes. A moment passed, and with something between a scoff and a sigh, she moved aside to let them step into her quarters.

Don’t need to draw any more attention to the memory of their comment than due necessary.

“Yeah, it was a good one, soldier.” She said, without a semblance of humor in her dry voice. “I’m sure everyone got a real kick out of it.”

“I don’t think you understand, Ingram–”

The proctor narrowed her eyes as they spoke her name. A warning.

“Ma’am. Sorry… I just…”

“Go on, soldier. I don’t have time for this.”

“I just want you to know," They said it so rapidly, the words almost melded together, "What I said wasn’t a joke. I meant it.”

“Look, knight, you don’t have an audience anymore. You can cut the crap.” She turned away from them and walked with heavy steps back over to the layers of schematics lying on her raised desk. “Let me get back to work.”

She ignored them for a bit, leafing through the blueprints carefully with her metal gauntlets, only half focused on the contents with Sole still loitering behind her distractingly.

Stubbornly.

“Look, you forget how to open a door or something?” Ingram said over her shoulder, without sparing them so much as a glance.

“No, I just… I can’t leave until you believe me.” They said it as if it were obvious, as though that were a fact of life and not some rule they’d made up just that second.

“I believe you.” She said tersely, “Now, buh-bye.”

“No,” She heard their footsteps approaching her from behind, “That doesn’t count.”

When they reached her, they placed a hand over her metal arm. They did it gently, as though they were touching straight through to her skin.

“I mean really believe me.” They put pressure on her arm, encouraging her to turn, to face them and look them in the pleading eye. “Ingram, please. I… I can't help how the others took it, and it was stupid of me, to say it out there in the cafeteria for all of them to hear, but, please, know that it was just that: me being stupid. Not… malicious or snide or the asshole you probably see me as now.”

“I’ll accept your apology. Knight.” Her expression remained cold, despite her words, “I’ll accept that you regret what you said, but I–”

“I don’t regret it.” They cut in, “Not at all, I… Well, I regret the way everyone reacted, but…”

Ingram’s eyes grew distant, if only for a moment, as she was thrust back into the memory of the cafeteria from earlier that evening.

The laughter, the wide eyes, the pats on the back for Sole joking about what no one else dared.

She remembered her friends, her colleagues, the closest thing she had to family, all delighting in what she’s become. The novel of being with someone like her.

Maybe it was her personality. After all, there were other disabled brotherhood members, and they should, should, have sympathy for their brothers and sisters wounded in the field. Maybe it was her hair, her face, her gruff self, it was her own sense of humor, even. She would be in on it, she could laugh at herself, chuckle it off with a few drinks with the guys.

Ingram thought back to their faces though… The way their eyes had gone to her frame, like people’s do when they meet her for the first time. Even Teagan… the way he’d chuckled until their eyes met. Then the guilt she saw there.

If it had been innocent, why would he have felt guilty? Why would he have stopped laughing when he caught her eye.

Cade had looked angry, which gave her another hint into how Sole’s little compliment was really perceived by everyone. He’d stood up with a groan of his stool and a loud clank of his drink, and made his displeasure known.

It was when he tried to approach her that she laughed along and excused herself.

Now they’ll talk even more.

Ingram felt her breath pick up, felt frustration brew in her, heating her chest and eyes all the same.

Should’ve just fucking stuck it out. Been a sport about it. Then it wouldn’t stick.

Then Sole might’ve not felt the need to do this.

She almost wondered if Cade was somehow responsible for this little apology of theirs.

“But you deserve to know the truth.” Sole finished finally, bringing her back to the present moment.

Ingram merely looked at them, her face still drawn and uncertain, but… she felt compelled to hear out the rest of this– surely rehearsed– little speech of theirs.

“I think you’re incredible.” They said it softly, so quietly, she had to lean down to hear them, “You’re funny, and intelligent, so skilled at what you do, I just… I look up to you so much. As a soldier, as an engineer, as my superior. You’re the best of the brotherhood, and you do it without being stuffy. You’re the smartest in the room most of the time, but you’re still so fun to be around. You’re… just as I said before... I think you’re beautiful, too.”

They almost had her.

Really, she’d felt her throat tighten a bit with the emotion of it all, felt a warmth start in her chest that had begun to spread, and then… then it turned to ice as they finished with the same cruelty that started this whole mess.

“In your own, grease-covered, dirt speckled kind of way.” Sole tried to finish, sickly sweet syrup dripping from their lips as they looked away with a nervous run of their hand over the back of their neck.

What a performance.

Ingram didn’t grace any of it with a response. If they wouldn’t leave, fine, whatever, but she still had work that needed finishing.

“Ingram?” They tried to lean into her line of sight as she turned back to her papers on the table. “Were you listening to anything I just said?”

“Yes. I was.” She flipped a paper over as she spoke, moving onto the next. “You can tell Cade that it was well-written. And that I’m not going to forgive him for this easily.”

“Wh–”

“Tell him he’s bringing the drinks this Thursday, not me. And I expect the good stuff.”

“Fucking hell, woman. Forgot to mention stubborn as an ass in my speech.”

“Watch you’re fucking language, soldier.”

“Cade had nothing to do with this." They ignored her jab, "Neither did Maxson or Teagan o-or Neriah or anyone but me.” They were a bit out of breath as they spoke to her, she could hear the frustration building in their voice, raising it higher one octave, could see it in the way they raised their hands, the way their gestures became full-bodied and rapid. “I was dumb, yes, I shouldn’t have tried a pickup line flirting method with you out in public like that. And I… I shouldn’t have disrespected you by… by talking about your body that way. That was an asshole move, but, really Ingram, I came by it honestly, I swear.”

Her hands had paused on the blueprints, her eyes staring straight through the papers as she absorbed their words. As she, for the first time that night, considered them.

“Like I said. I meant it.”

They stepped closer to her on that word, on the one they emphasized from the very moment they'd stepped into this room.

Ingram took a breath.

“How?” She asked, her voice matching their earlier faintness.

“How…?”

“How will you prove it to me?”

Through the silence permeating the steel-coated room, she heard their breath catch in their throat, heard them gulp nervously, heard them take yet another step closer, until they could take her armored hand in both of theirs.

She almost flinched away.

Almost.

“With your permission…” They brought the back of her hand to their face, and pressed their lips gently to the metal. “I’d like to make good on my promise. Stupid as it was to say out there, in here, well… You were the only audience that was really meant to hear it.”

They tried to pull her along with them, as they took a step or two backwards, but Ingram held firm.

“Then why not tell me? This way, I mean.” Her voice came out harsher than she’d meant it to. More accusatory, and less curious than she truly felt. “Why not be honest?”

“Because… like I said, I’m stupid. Is that so hard to believe?”

She had to admit, that did pull a chuckle from her.

“I was stupid and cowardly and too afraid that you would think it was a joke and, and be mad about it, or that you’d just outright reject me, and… And then that’s what happened, so, you know… Now I guess I figured, what have I got to lose?”

They shrugged as they finished speaking, a little, earnest glean to their eyes as they looked up at her sadly, pleadingly. Like one of those damn squires when they want a ride on her shoulders.

How could I say no?

“Maybe a couple teeth, if I was in the mood for it.” Ingram said, but, in the same breath, relented to their pressure, and allowed Sole to lead her to where they desired.

“But...?” Their voice had a light humor to it, as if they were tiptoeing over thin ice.

They may as well be, at this point.

Generously though, Ingram allowed them an armistice, an olive branch of sorts, as she answered.

“But… You’re off the hook.” Another look reminiscent of a child’s, this time of one’s ability to experience unfounded joy, illuminated their features.

“For now.” She added quickly, “But whether that changes or not is going to heavily depend on what you choose to do next.”

“I’ll make it up to you,” Sole said, their hands still wrapped around her metal gauntlet, their expression suddenly somber, earnestly determined. “I promise.”

With that, their hands traveled up her armored frame, grazing along the metalwork like it was her own tender skin, before their form wound its way behind her. Ingram's eyes stayed narrowed the whole while, tentatively waiting for the other shoe to drop, for them to realize their joke had gone too far.

“Anything I can help you with back there?” Ingram tilted her head towards the sound of fingers prodding on metal, trying to twist, to press into it. Testing.

“I want to be able to reach you.” Sole sounded almost breathless behind her.

Just from trying to release the opening lever? Maybe they really did need help.

“Have you tried climbing? This frame makes me pretty tall.”

“Work with me here, Proctor. You know what I mean.” That same such seriousness continued to rule their tone, and Ingram felt something stir in her chest at the feeling. The feeling they were showing her, and whatever the hell was brewing in her own heart, her own mind in a direct response to it.

Do I shut it down now? Or… see where this goes? Where this feeling goes, where they go when I am out of my frame?

I’ll know for sure where the truth lies, if I let them see me.

The thought sobered her somewhat. It’d been a long, long while since anyone had seen her out of her frame. Anyone but Cade, but he barely counted. Doctors didn’t count.

Attractive knights that confessed their ‘need to be with her’ in the middle of a busy cafeteria… well, they only counted a little.

But still, they counted.

“Step back, knight.” She heard herself say, and the clanging sounds stopped, she felt their presence ease off of her, and with one extended metal-framed arm, she undid the necessary levers to allow the bulky thing to hiss as it expanded, as it opened, and lowered her to the point she could remove herself from the labyrinth of tech.

“Do you need–”

“I’ve managed well enough on my own so far.” Ingram huffed, her strong arms hauling her successfully out and to the foot of her cot, where she’d built steps to ease her way onto the mattress. “Just… If you really care to ‘make good on your promise,’ you can… Can join me on the bed.”

She settled there herself, facing out towards them as she saw Sole hesitate. She didn’t intend it, but Ingram’s breath halted in her chest.

“And if you don’t, well, you know damn well where the door is.”

“I’m not leaving, just… That was amazing.” Sole sounded out of breath themself, and as they rounded her suit to step into her line of sight, their own eyes gleamed with… What the hell was that?

She wanted to say wonder, but that felt presumptuous.

“You really built all this?” Sole sat down on the bed beside her, keeping their wide-eyed gaze locked to hers the whole way.

“W-well, yes, sort of. Not from scratch at least. Didn’t mine the metal myself, or anything like that.” She chuckled, was that… nervously? “But yes, made modifications to your standard power armor frame.”

“Right when I thought you couldn’t get any cooler...”

“Hey, you were the one on ice for two-hundred years.” She piped up with another little laugh, feeling more awkward than she remembered being in years.

“If I was given a thousand years,” Sole carried on easily, “I wouldn’t be as bad-ass as you, Proctor.”

She only blinked at that.

It’d been so long since she’d been woo-ed, flirted with, even complimented in this sort of capacity.

Sole scooted closer as she remained silent, close enough that their leg brushed hers where it cut off into nothing, a bit above the memory of her knee. They didn’t flinch, didn’t even look, just kept those earnest eyes firmly on hers, boring into her like they were still pleading their case.

They are. Ingram tried to remind herself, but already… Well, they were passing with flying colors so far.

They moved tentatively, as though she could stop them any moment. If they pushed too far, if they touched her the wrong way, if they broke their eye contact, she would order them out the door without so much as a blink of remorse.

More and more that was becoming less likely, but she couldn’t help but feel a tinge of satisfaction that she was keeping up appearances, even from this close.

“Is this alright, Ingram?”

She could feel the delicate heat of their breath against her cheek, could feel it warm her lips.

“Call me Audrey.” She whispered, and killed the remaining space between them.

Ingram savored the feel of their lips on hers, a burst of ardor spiking down her spine at the contact, she remembered this type of feeling so distantly, it felt like the first time all over again.

Immediately, Sole moved closer, bridging all gaps between their bodies, turning to better face her as they tucked one leg under themself in an effort to press their fronts flush together. Ingram made no argument, melting into their kneading mouth, to the touch of the hand they placed at the nape of her neck, so softly as they stroked the baby hairs there with gentle fingers.

Soft moans poured from her mouth and into theirs, and Sole’s tongue brushed the front of her lips until she allowed it in, to mingle and spar with her own. They both shifted slightly on the mattress, Sole’s arms wrapping around her, pulling her body more tightly to them, and fitting one knee between her slightly-spread thighs. Unwittingly, and embarrassingly, Ingram began to grind against the contact, reveling in the lightning sparks flying up from her core. She felt like an undisciplined initiate rubbing one out noisily in their cot. Utterly shameful, but… If that thought meant to stop her, it did a poor job of it.

“Mhm, jesus, Audrey.” Sole huskily breathed against her lips, and she felt herself shiver at the sound of her name, “It’s been too long, hasn’t it?”

Her cheeks heated at their question, the color surely matching the vibrance of her hair by now.

“Wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Hm.” Sole hummed, those delectable lips curling into a knowing little smile, “Been a long time for me too.”

They bucked their knee up, increasing the pressure over her heat, helping her gain that needed friction.

“Feels good.” They whispered, and pressed back into her.

Then Ingram was shifting, Sole’s hands guiding her slowly down, resting the bulk of her upper body on the pillows behind her as they effectively nestled themself between her thighs.

“I want to see you.” Sole said as they pulled back, pausing only to press their lips to her cheek, her jaw, the column of her throat. “Is that okay?”

She wanted to ask if they were sure, to make a comment of some sort about keeping their expectations low, cutting them short, even. Something that would keep her safe, keep her distant, pull her away from this unnerving vulnerability.

Sole’s eyes gave her pause, though. As she hesitated, they looked down to her face, their pupils blown wide with arousal, their eyebrows drawn together slightly, creating delicate lines that read like scrollwork, like frilly poetry laced with romantic truth.

Maybe it was silly, or maybe it really had just been too long, but Ingram couldn’t bring herself to even think about ending this prematurely.

“Yes,” She said, and it came out almost as a sigh, “But don’t think you’re off the hook, Sole. I’m gonna want to see you too.”

“I had a feeling,” They laughed, and it warmed her. “Don’t let me keep you waiting, then.”

They sounded confident, but Ingram didn’t miss the way Sole’s hands trembled slightly as their fingers grasped the zipper of their flight suit, and they tugged it downwards.

Shamelessly, Ingram felt her chestnut eyes follow the movement, hungrily taking in each inch of skin they bared to her. Noticing her boldness, Sole took their sweet time pulling their arms from the sleeves, and letting the fabric collect at the barrier their hips created.

“Well… Haven’t been skipping out on our physical training, then, have we?”

Sole cracked a smile, looking away shyly at the praise. Ingram’s grin echoed theirs in turn, but soon vanished as they began to reach their hands out towards the zip of her own suit.

“Your turn, sweetheart.”

She could’ve scoffed at the pet name.

Could’ve.

Instead, Ingram let her gaze follow their movements, holding her breath as they hauled her zipper down. They tugged the little metal piece as though it had a significant weight to it, drawing out the action until Ingram felt her lungs burning.

Finally, she allowed a heaved breath to escape her as the opening in her suit reached her navel, certain that would be the end of it, for now, at least until–

Sole surprised her then, cutting off her assumptions as they leaned forward to mouth unreservedly at her neck. Their hands brushed over her shoulders, squeezing them in a whisper of a massage, before they started to pull the sleeves from her. Only then, did Sole pry either side of her suit open enough to reveal the sports bra she wore below.

If I’d known anything like this would’ve happened… She shook her head slightly, knowing the way her bra, and hell, her entire suit must've had a ripe smell to it, must’ve had stains somewhere that she hadn’t noticed.

She was always in her frame, safe and sound and covered.

If Sole noticed anything they disliked though, they sure were talented at hiding it. No, they kissed down her throat, tracing their bottom lip over her collarbone as their hands wrapped about her, rubbing circles over her back, letting the pads of their fingers graze over the hem of her bra until they were pricking at it wantonly.

She didn’t wait this time. Instead, Ingram pulled back slightly, wrenching the sports bra off herself in one abrupt, elbow-heavy movement. Sole paused, rather disrespectfully, for a moment, gawking at her.

Probably the paleness. Ingram thought with a set jaw. This bit of me hasn’t seen the light in… what? A decade or so?

That sounded about right.

But Sole’s lips told a story of want, of hungry intrigue, as they lunged forward to trail a line of open-mouthed kisses and love bites from her upper chest down the center of her cleavage. Their tongue swept over the underside of her left breast, stretching the skin slightly as their mouth grew more tenacious with its movements.

Ingram found herself gasping at their attentions, her hands clinging to the back of their head like they were a buoy in a storm. They were relentless though, if there was in fact a storm, it was Sole themself, the way they rocked them both on the mattress, encouraging the Proctor to continue her grinding movement against their upper torso as they leaned down and devoured her blushing mounds like they were caked in cream and sugar. Her breaths grew heady, as the marks they left grew darker, cementing themselves in her pale skin like a lover’s tattoos.

“Sole,” She breathed out, sounding like an entirely different person. One she didn't mind being. “I… I think I’m starting to believe you now.”

They grunted a bit, unable to pull away, as their mouth sucked another dark oval onto her skin.

“Don’t.” They managed, even amidst their important task, “You can’t believe me yet.”

A curious noise left her without permission, urged on by their hot tongue as it dragged over one nipple.

“Not done showing you, ma’am.”

“Ah… Do me a favor, Sole.”

“Anything.” They whispered, and gave her a swift little nip that had her breath catching in her chest.

“Mm, don’t call me ‘ma’am’ in here.”

They kissed her again, right on the spot they just bit, and pulled away to look at her.

“Yes, sir.”

Sole winked, and then they were moving again, leaving her breasts in peace for now, as they trailed their mouth down the center of her stomach.

Oh, that mouthy little--

They paused briefly, silencing Ingram's good-humored thought, as their bottom lip brushed a raised scar on her torso.

Ah. Is that the burn scar they’ve discovered, or have they made it to that portion of the surgery line?

Instead of carrying on, as she wanted them to, and instead of pulling away entirely, like she expected them to, Sole lingered over the mark, and kissed it.

Their lips were soft now, like they were caressing a weak flower petal, moments from parting from its stem. Ingram grew restless from their pause, her body shifting beneath their light ministrations until they finally relented, and continued their journey downwards. She dared to hope that they would simply ignore most of what they found, as Sole’s hands began to ease the remaining fabric of her flight suit down over her hips; down, down, down, to pull them from what was left of her legs.

They didn’t adhere to her mental wishes, though, not even for a moment. Each scar they came across, each ugly, raised bit of discolored skin, every misshapen knob and curious amalgamation of reconstructed flesh, and they stopped to pay particular attention to it, just as they had the first. Sole kissed and caressed the marks like they were made of beautiful, air-blown glass. Works of art, each and every one of them, so striking, so intricate; and yet, one wrong move, and they would shatter to pieces at the admirer’s feet. They didn’t take that chance, not once in all the time they spent hovering over her.

Ingram’s entire body tingled from their thoughtful movements, like blissful pinpricks into each pore, each follicle, she felt their admiration, their affection being injected into her. Their hands followed their lips’ fearless lead, tracing the lines they felt, smoothing over her aches with firm fingers until one made a home at her center.

That too, felt new, like another had never laid hands there before.

They might as well not have, with how Sole seemed to put them to shame. Instantly, their fingers spread her lower lips, and Ingram felt her thighs open to accommodate them. A bit of wetness had gathered there from their attention, more than she’d expected, but Sole deemed it not enough, clearly, as their fingers worked her over. It wasn’t masterful per say, but it was determined, the way they moved. Sole’s fingers prodding, exploring every nook within her, brushing over her clit fervently once they’d gathered the wetness they desired.

Her hips began to move with their attention, pressing firmly into the contact of their hand as she arched her back off the bed. Sole’s mouth finally was drawn from its task to effectively appreciate every skin cell on her lower body, distracted now by her growing arousal, and the slickness that came with it.

Ingram gasped as they set their busy lips over her sensitive little nub, and sucked. Her hands flew to Sole’s shoulders, leaving marks of her own as her nails dug into their skin. Sole’s fingers moved, then, down to her entrance, and one began to prod there, working its way in slowly as their mouth nursed her clit until it swelled.

Ingram’s thighs squeezed at Sole’s head unwittingly, keeping them close, keeping the feeling of them anchored to her as she moaned out their name. At that, Ingram felt her partner shudder, felt the fingers of their free hand clench over her hip.

“Feels good, Sole.” She breathed, feeling as though cotton filled her mouth, made her tongue clumsy. “D-don’t stop.”

They groaned into her in answer, and Ingram felt the pressure of another finger as they eased it inside, and began to pulse the digits against her pliant walls. She clenched from the attention, clamping down on their fingers as their tongue swiped lovingly over her swollen nub, like they were trying to polish the damn thing.

Sole’s own hips began to grind against the firm mattress, and Ingram let her eyes fall half-open, taking in the alluring sight of her bed partner. The muscles of their back clenched with their movements, their expression was desperate, pleading like they had earlier that evening, only this time, they were pleading with Ingram's body instead of her mind, her heart.

No, those, they’d won over, Ingram could say with confidence. Her body was following their lead rapidly.

“I-I’m getting close, Sole.” She said their name again, loving the way they groaned at the sound, the vibrations of their voice sending another surge of tingles up from her core.

They redoubled their efforts over her, their fingers thrusting and curling rapidly, stroking over that spongy place that had her phantom toes curling as her thighs tried in vain to wrap tighter around the purveyor of such ardent pleasures.

Their worshiping lips caressed her clit to the point of suffocation, and at last, Ingram felt her release spill over. Her walls cinched tightly around their fingers, pulsing as wetness burst from inside her, coating their hand in the evidence of her euphoria.

Ingram’s chest heaved with her heavy breaths, her muscles straining as the shocks of bliss shot through her like electric charges. All the while, Sole’s lips caressed her, tasting the sweetness she poured out for them with their eyes rolled to the back of their head, their own lewd groans leaving their throat in droves.

After Ingram had finished, after the last of her orgasm fizzled out and left her sensitive and worn, Sole finally let their fingers slip from her, and pulled their mouth away. A string of her slick connected their lips to her, until they dragged a wrist over their flushed mouth.

“Now,” They panted out, their eyes still dark and blown wide with arousal, “Now you can say you believe me.”

“Oh,” Ingram nodded weakly as her head fell back against the pillows, sweat glistening on her brow, her muscles aching and tired, “I believe you, knight. I… I really do.”

And she, too, meant it.

#fallout #fallout 4 #fallout companions #fallout 4 companions #fallout 4 npcs #fallout npc #fo4 #proctor ingram #ingram fo4 #proctor ingram fo4 #fallout proctor ingram #brotherhood of steel #sole #sole survivor #dwd.nsfw #kinktober 2023 #kinktober

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fairyniceyeah · 2 months ago

Note

11 and 17 for the writer asks??

Hey Anon^^

Thanks for the asks!!!

Ask 17 is answered here: Asks 3, 6, 17

You really made me sweat with question 11XD

I spent half my morning re-reading fics to be able to answer this! It’s a really interesting question though, so thanks for choosing it!

11. Do you have a comfort fic that you always come back to? What is it?

Well, here we are again with hyperfixations on fandoms! I don’t necessarily have a specific comfort fic I will always read because it’s just not the fandom I am interested in currently. Below, will follow a list with a few fics I really like and find comfort in re-reading.

But, first of all. This must sound super arrogant and self-centered but there are two fics I do come back to regularly that I wrote for myself:

One is Red - The Blood of sick men, focused on Les Misérables’ Enjolras suffering from Ulcerative Colitis. As somebody who has this awful and potentially embarrassing chronic illness (and had a lot of health complications due to it), it does comfort me when I start to feel awful physically or mentally due to it. It’s bittersweet because I am writing about a lot of my own personal issues, things that have really happened to me but with the twist of his friends knowing and caring about him. Basically it’s Enjolras getting the comfort I need(ed).

Same goes for Black - The Colour of Despair, where I make Combeferre deal with his parents getting a divorce – and yeah, it’s basically a retelling of my parents divorce… but it helped me deal a lot because I was able to finally write down my thoughts and figure out my feelings towards my parents.

But as promised:

Shadowhunters

The first fic that comes to mind is Tea of Every Flavor by IntrovertedRavenclaw. It teaches about the various uses of tea and it’s generally very sweet. Especially Chapter Seven with this dialogue

Alec sips the tea carefully, testing out the temperature. "It's bland." "You threw up. You don't need sugar." Magnus says.

is my roman empire.

Les Misérables

I just love The Peace of Wild Things by ariadneslostthread. The way Enjolras, Combeferre and Courfeyrac care about each other is very sweet and what I wish for I had as a friend group (not that I am not happy with my friends but this is the kind of thing I do yearn for as somebody who is used to getting yelled at by my mom for being sick). It’s very well written and, while long, I never get bored.

Now, back to K-Pop!

SEVENTEEN:

I absolutely adore most of kaiteki’s Seventeen fics (all those not containing anything NSFW). They focus on Jihoon and are always very well written. I tend to come back to Simultaneous, Observational, Difficulty in Falling and Who Else? They are either sickfics or (emotional) hurt/comfort. Though again, there are some NSFW and 18+ fics on that account so proceed at your own risk!

ATEEZ:

I am in love with the series 8 Makes 1 Family by aambass. The fics are so well written an each part focuses on one member specifically. Seonghwa who struggles with being the oldest, Wooyoung with self-esteem issues, San’s insecurity about his place in the team, Jongho’s struggle with being maknae, Hongjoong overworking himself and realizing he barely spends time with the members, Yunho pushing himself too far, Mingi’s insecurity and anxiety and Yeosang refusing to speak because nobody ever listens to him anyways. However, that blog also has some NSFW contents, so be careful when scrolling through. I am pretty sure that the series is safe though.

I come back at times to THE WEIGHT OF LOVE by matz_love. That fic is not SFW but you can anticipate where it starts and stop/skip like I do. Generally the author has a really nice writing style that I love to read, but check the tags on the fics! It's about Jongho figuring out his sexuality and the way Hongjoong and Seonghwa speak to him is so comforting I nearly cried when reading it.

Random fics:

I am neither MoA nor Shawol but these fics also caught my eye and I re-read a lot.

All three ShinEE fics by justalittlehoarse, especially Day 6.

fever only makes the cuddles warmer by honeybeomgyu is very sweet.

Lots of love,

🧚🏻‍♀️

#🧚🏻‍♀️

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lastmafagafo · 6 months ago

Text

What's the difference between nice and kind?

I reread Mansfield Park, after more than a decade. The first time I read it, I was a teen, discovering Jane Austen works and watching every adaptation I could put my hands on. Back in the day, Mansfield Park became my least favourite of her novels, while Fanny Price, despite not being my least favourite Austen heroine, couldn’t stand a chance with Lizzie, Emma or even Elinor on my list.

Now, for a series of reasons, I decided to read the novel again and, for my surprise, I liked Fanny a lot. I dare even say she is one of Austen's strongest heroines, succeeding where others failed. Despite being shy (and clearly having low self esteem issues), Fanny do stand up for herself when it's really needed.

That’s more than you can say about Anne Eliot, who was persuaded to refuse Captain Wentworth's first proposal. Fanny is also a good judge of character*, better than Marianne and Lizzie, who let themselves being fooled by Wickham and Willoughby, Catherine Morland, who befriended shallow Isabella (and also accused her father-in-law-to-be of murder), and Emma who managed to misjudge every single character in her story, including herself.

Not saying that Fanny is perfect, tho. She can be a bit of a doormat when it comes to dealing with her Aunt Norris. I dare say Fanny can even be a bit manipulative sometimes. But she surely has her heart on the right place.

I've seen some people compare Fanny with Mary Crawford, stating that Mary would do a much better protagonist. How? Comparing Fanny and Mary is like comparing being kind and being nice. Fanny is kind, and we know it because in her thoughts she really seem to care about the people she loves (and even those she doesn’t love so much). Even when refusing Crawford she worries about his feelings. But Mary, she is not kind, she is nice. Like a chameleon, she changes her demeanor to match her companions. When in Mansfield she is witty and charming, but not improper, specially when compared with Maria and Julia. She even gets closer to Fanny (in acquaintance and demeanor), since she knows that was something Edmund would approve. Back in London, she is changed. With her friends, she is coquettish and frugal, forgetting about Fanny when keeping her friendship is not as useful as it was.

Mary seems confident, but she is a people pleaser. She seeks others love and attention, and expects to gain something from her actions. Fanny doesn’t.

I could say this is an issue of today, of our social media/attention seeking selves, but knowing even Jane Austen's family had very different opions about the novel and Fanny, I dare say nice x kind is a timeless debate. I think Jane knew it, and how easily people could mix the two. Something, I confess, I’m still trying to learn myself.

What do you think about it? Leave a comment, or call me on my DMs.

*Isn’t it brilliant of Jane? Most of her novels, the heroine misjudge other characters, but in Mansfield it is us, readers, who are fooled by appearances.

#nice x kind #nice #kind #mansfield park #jane austen #fanny price #mary crawford

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bougieblkbimbo · 2 years ago

Text

what is love?

because i never truly felt it

sure my mom, dad and friends have told me they love me but i don’t feel anything

i learned early on as a black woman, nobody loves you,

your family’s love can be conditional,

your friends love can also be conditional,

and a lot of the men that say “i love black women” are bull shitters, they like that they can use us

people like to have black women around and not really value us as women.

people like that were strong,

people like what we can do for them,

people like our aesthetics,

but they don’t actually like us.

we get ignored,

forgotten about,

rejected,

used,

abused,

and the list goes on….

in my personal life,

i was only praised about my abilities and what i can bring to others such as emotionally, physical, and mentally,

i was only praised when i would bend over backwards for people to use, abuse, neglect , and suck the life out of me,

i was only praised when i was the “party friend” that people liked to hang around for a good time, but when shit goes down, y’all were no where to be found.

trying to make friends my whole life and being ostracized, and seeing how much easier others had it than me,

trying to live up to the standards of people around me and still not being “perfect enough for them” and every single thing i would try to do would be critiqued

trying to be as attractive as possible because of the beauty standards and how people literally don’t treat black women the same as other races of women and lighter women because they’re seen as more worthy of respect, kindness and care,

whereas i’m seen as the bitch you can disrespect, the friend you can take advantage of.

being a black girl that has never fit in my whole life,

im tired of living up to the standards that people want me to be.

people want me to be the type of black girl that’s a stereotype.

people want me to be a “jezebel”, that’s why they overseuxalize me because im apparently the definition of “pretty for a dark skinned girl”.

that phrase doesn’t mean shit. it just means you’re attractive enough to fuck but not really take seriously and be seen in public with and be seen as someone to actually be valued and respected.

people want me to have low self esteem. people expect me to settle for any person and build them up, stress myself out, and also waste my prime on someone because god forbid a black woman has standards. apparently because we don’t fit the eurocentric standards of beauty, and we’re seen and showed we’re “the last picked”, we can’t have standards and expect to be treated well, even though that’s the bare minimum

people want me to be a mammy. I gotta always be emotionally available to hear about boy problems, drama with your own friends, be the emotional support. But when i talk about my issues when i’m struggling and hurting, i don’t feel seen. i’m not seen. i’m gaslighted, people don’t understand, people don’t even really empathize with me because i’m a black woman. apparently not worthy of getting sympathy.

people want me to not be myself. people want me to only “culturally” be a stereotype and not an individual. Me liking country music means i’m “whitewashed”, me speaking in a “monotone” voice means i’m boring, me speaking to different types of people means “i’m trying to get rid of my blackness”. This has caused me serve identity issues. I’m too “different for the blacks” and “too black” to fit in with everyone else.

I love being a black woman but they way i get treated is exhausting

I’m sick and tired of feeling the pressure of being boxed into expectations,

i’m sick and tired of feeling alone and feeling like i’m the only one that’s experiencing discrimination and ostracization because of what i look like and people can’t understand,

i’m very sick of being shown by the world i’m not worth shit unless i can provide people things and isn’t that “too masculine” as some people like to refer to us as?

i’m tired of “doing” and i want to start “receiving” the treatment everyone else gets

#black women #black women poets #spilled ink #spilled thoughts #spillled poem #depression #anxiety #healing #poem #poetry #thoughts

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wahlpaper · 1 year ago

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The Floating Feldmans Review

The Floating Feldmans by Elyssa Friedland

CW: Cancer, Off-Page Death, Family Stress, Toxic Relationships, Vomit, Tourism and Cruise Culture, References to Harry Potter, Drinking, Underage Drinking, Drugs, Fire, Injury, Violence, Internalized Fatphobia, Money Problems, Self Esteem Issues

4.5/5

I'll be honest, I only added The Floating Feldmans by Elyssa Friedland to my TBR because it's Jewish and had a fun cover. I only decided to read it because I asked my friend to pick a book at random from my list while I was on hold for Radio Silence by Alice Oseman. This book is a casual read. It's not there to change your life or hook you into a series. There are either 9 or no main characters depending on how you look at it, and it feels a little light for some of the serious matters addressed. It's not my kind of genre, but if I was going to read a casual story, I'm glad it was this one. It's progressive, it's Jewish, and it's a little queer too!

The Floating Feldmans centers around a cruise being taken for Annette Feldman's 70th birthday. Her family is practically estranged and highly dysfunctional, but her husband has cancer and she's not sure how much time they have left to bring the family back together. Everyone has at least one secret and a whole lot of feelings about other members of the family. Will the Feldman descendants and the charming cruise director be able to make this a good vacation for Annette? Should they?

This book is structured in a mostly-linear fashion. The prologue contains a scene most of the way through the story, but it then pops back in time to the start. From there it goes forward as best it can. There are vivid flashbacks throughout, telling stories from anytime in the lives of the characters. As this story is told from 9 different points of view, sometimes the chapters overlap in time. I like a unique story structure that I can still follow and that's absolutely what Friedland has created here. I normally don't do well with a lot of POV characters, but the structure kept me engaged with the characters and helped me to keep track of the plot.

The Jewish representation in The Floating Feldmans is gentle but not barren. It isn't important to the plot, but it's woven into the personality of the book. Yiddish is used, characters have Jewish names, gefilte fish is mentioned a few times, and Jewish holidays/celebrations are brought up. While I don't think anyone was mentioned as keeping kosher, it did initially matter to Annette that her daughter married a Christian man. I would say that this book was written for a Jewish reader, even if it can be enjoyed by those of other religions. It assumes you'll get the cultural references.

When I put The Floating Feldmans on my TBR, I had no idea that there was queer content within! So this is me telling you about it! One of the 9 main characters is the cruise director, Julian. He's worked on the ship for over a decade and loves his job, but he's skittish when it comes to his personal life. His boyfriend wants to get married, but Julian isn't sure that's for him. I wasn't fully rooting for their relationship because of this, but I knew I liked Julian from the start. His character arc was one of my favorites in the novel.

I mentioned previously that The Floating Feldmans isn't a life changing story, but that it is progressive and addresses some serious matters. It's a character driven book that centers around the vacation more than a specific plot. Included and handled well were a shopping addiction, poor communication between husband and wife, cancer, self image issues, college application stress, a problematic secret relationship, and more. You'll find that nothing is idealized, it's all told with realism.

The Floating Feldmans by Elyssa Friedland isn't the right genre for everyone, but if you're looking for a cool-down book or prefer casual reads in general, I highly recommend it. You'll be treated to silly adventures, lots of family drama, and a book that can make you laugh. Are you ready to set sail?

#the floating feldmans #elyssa friedland #book blog #bookblogger #queer books #queer characters #jewish books #jewish authors #mlm romance #vacation comedy #jewish comedy #jewish book review

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emisfritish · 4 years ago

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Characters I See Myself In (Drama version)

Ahn Jeong Won - Hospital Playlist "I empathize too easily. It's too hard, I won't do it."

For his sensitivity, his empathy, his dorkiness, his whining and his love of children.

Ainam - My Dear Loser - Edge of 17 "Even if the fish doesn't have a spouse, it can have a friend you know ?"

For her kindness, her stubbornness, her intelligence, her love for her friends.

Ki Seon Gyeom - Run On "Of all the things I've loved, why have I never loved myself?"

For his awkwardness, his sense of justice, his lack of self-worth, his difficulty connecting with others, his personal growth.

Jiang Yan Li - The Untamed "Ah-Xian, stand behind me."

For her loyalty, her sensitivity, her protectiveness, her fierceness, and being the embodiment of 'there is strength in kindness'.

Moon Gang Tae - It's Okay Not To Be Okay "Moon Gang Tae belongs to Moon Gang Tae"

For his devotion to his family, his loneliness, his repressed goofiness, his journey through self-worth, his emotional growth.

Fujisaki Nozomi - Cherry Magic "There's more to life than just love."

For her sexuality, her positivity, her self-doubt, her value of friendship.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

I was tagged by @curlykytta and this was so difficult but really fun to think about, so thank you <3

I can't produce perfect gifs the way you can, so I hope this is okay instead !

I know many people have been tagged already (and I apologize for re-tagging you if that's the case), but I'd love to see the answers for : @yihwas @sarawatism @fiat-pattadon @kittychicha @ficklefackle @salayy @morksuns @florbexter @howtosingit @tattooedsiren and anyone else that would like to do it 💛

#god amanda it was so difficult sorting things between the characters I actually see myself in and the characters I wish I was like ><#but I do think I see bits and pieces of myself in all of those #also if some people I tagged have already done it I'd love it if you send it my way so I could check it out 👀#I focused on dramas because if I actually had to add characters from other shows this list would have been even more difficult to make #also not at the way 2/6 of these characters being the ones that love their brothers fiercely... although I guess that tracks.#what this list says about me : i love my friends/family and I have self-esteem issues.... okay then.#ask game #about me

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ktmarison · 2 years ago

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the book of mormon sentence starters.

‘ perhaps one day, someone very special will find them. ’

‘ you simply won’t believe how much this book will change your life ! ’

‘ are these your kids ? ’

‘ have fun in hell. ’

‘ would you like to change religions ? i have a free book written by jesus ! ’

‘ just stick to the approved dialogue. ’

' this is it, you guys ! this is it ! '

' i have been praying to be sent to my favorite place in the whole world. '

' well, if you prayed for a location, i'm sure heavenly father will make it happen. '

' you're like, the smartest, best, most deserving elder the centers ever seen. '

‘ the most important time of a mormon kid’s life is his mission. ’

‘ soon i’ll be off in a different place, helping the whole human race. ’

‘ i know my mission will be something incredible. ’

‘ god loves mormons and he wants some more ! ’

‘ we’re fighting for a cause, but we’re really, really nice. ’

‘ yes ! i knew we’d get paired together ! ’

‘ i pray i’m sent to my favorite place: orlando. ’

‘ uganda ! cool ! . . . where is that ? ’

‘ oh boy ! like lion king ! ’

‘ i’m so stoked we got paired together ! ’

‘ this is... fantastic ! ’

‘ he answered your prayer ? . . . huh. ’

‘ my mom always says if heavenly father is proud of you he will always give you what you ask. ’

‘ i’m gonna miss my brother so much. ’

‘ say, maybe we should see if there’s any way i could get transferred someplace a little bit closer to home. like, i don’t know, florida. ’

‘ he is a the kind of kid any parent would be proud to have. ’

‘ just do your best. maybe your new companion will help make you not so weird. ’

‘ it’s like i’m finally gonna have a best friend. ’

‘ my little problem is in check, it’s not gonna be an issue. ’

‘ i have low self esteem and desperately want to fit in with my peers. ’

‘ i’ve never been, but i’m sure it’s a hoot ! ’

‘ bye, baby ! ’

‘ it’s just you and me now. ’

‘ we are never allowed to go anywhere without each other. ’

‘ that’s so awesome, because all of my friends always end up leaving me, but you can’t. ’

‘ are you a star wars guy or a star trek guy ? i wanna know everything about you. personally i like star wars, but i’m willing to like star trek if you think it’s better. ’

‘ i’ve always had the hope that on the day i go to heaven, heavenly father would shake my hand and say you’ve done an awesome job. ’

‘ you and me, but mostly me, are gonna change the world forever. ’

‘ i can do most anything. ’

‘ i can stand next to you and watch. ’

‘ now we’re seeing eye to eye. it’s so great we can agree. ’

‘ heavenly father has chosen you and me, just mostly me. ’

‘ i’ll do something incredible. ’

‘ i wanna be the mormon who changed all man kind. ’

‘ i’ll do something incredible that blows god’s freaking mind. ’

‘ life is about to change for you and me. ’

�� there’s no limit to what we can do. me and you. ’

‘ why are you doing this ? ’

‘ you stay the fuck away from them. let me do my job. ’

‘ no. no, no, no. first, shouldn’t we call the police and see if we can get the bags back ? ’

‘ having a saying makes it all seem better. ’

‘ there isn’t enough food to eat. ’

‘ people are starving in the street. ’

‘ we’ve had no rain in several days. ’

‘ now you try. just stand up tall, tilt your head to the sky, and list off the bad things in your life. ’

‘ the plane was crowded and the bus was late. ’

‘ when the world is getting you down, there’s no one else to blame. raise your middle finger to the sky, and curse his rotten name. ’

‘ when god fucks you in the butt, fuck him right back in his cunt. ’

‘ you really should not be saying that. things aren’t always as bad as they seem. ’

‘ fuck you, you dick ! ’

‘ i told my brother he could cure his aids by having sex with a baby. ’

‘ she’s all i have left in the world. ’

‘ if you don’t like what we say, try living here a couple days: watch all your friends and family die. ’

‘ i’m always there if you’d like to talk. ’

‘ no matter how hot you get at night, keep your windows closed. ’

‘ she is so hot. she is super, super hot ! ’

‘ that’s a lot to remember. ’

‘ that is practically nothing. ’

‘ i’m just feeling a little confused right now is all. ’

‘ that’s no problem, it’s super easy not to feel that way. ’

‘ don’t feel those feelings. hold them in instead. ’

‘ it’s a cool little mormon trick. we do it all the time. ’

‘ really, what’s so hard about that ? ’

‘ when i was young, my dad would treat my mom real bad. ’

‘ how am i gonna keep my mom from getting abused ? ’

‘ i’d see her all scared and my soul was dying. ’

‘ now don’t you dare start crying. ’

‘ the doctor said she still had two months more. ’

‘ where is my brother ? ’

‘ he and i were close as two friends could be. one thing led to another, and soon i would discover, i was having really strange feelings for him. ’

‘ my hetero side just one. ’

‘ boys should be with girls, that’s heavenly father’s plan. ’

‘ i think it’s okay that you’re having gay thoughts. ’

‘ being gay is bad, but lying is worse. ’

‘ you’ve only got yourself to blame. ’

‘ you didn’t pretend hard enough. ’

‘ imagine that your brain is made of tiny boxes. then find the box that’s gay and crush it. okay ? ’

‘ no, no, no, no ! i’m not having gay thoughts ! ’

‘ now he isn’t gay anymore. ’

‘ check it out, we get to sleep right next to each other ! ’

‘ we’re glad you’re here. ’

‘ i can see how this is gonna be a lot like the lord of the rings. you’re frodo, and i’m samwise, and we’re fighting against impossible odds ! ’

‘ this is all just so not what i was expecting. i mean, i gotta admit, i’m beginning to feel a little. . . i don’t wanna say ripped off ! just. . . overwhelmed. ’

‘ remember when i told you [x] ? it isn’t true. i made it up. ’

‘ i’ll do anything for you. i’m your best friend. ’

‘ sleep now little buddy, put your cares away. nappy with a happy face, tomorrow’s a latter day. ’

‘ that’s what my mom used to sing to me to make me feel better. ’

‘ do you understand how difficult this is gonna be ? ’

‘ don’t forget what you told me. you are awesome. ’

‘ and then my dad will finally feel proud of me. instead of just feeling stuck with me. ’

‘ i am here for you. ’

‘ i finally found one ! a texting device ! now i can get on facebook ! ’

‘ why don’t you just let me do all the talking and you can just sorta support what i’m saying by going oh wow and stuff like that ? ’

‘ they don’t have a doorbell. ’

‘ it’s fine, but did you knock ? ’

‘ do you ever feel like there is something missing from your life ? ’

‘ you should see the doctor. ’

‘ calm down, i got this. ’

‘ of course that didn’t work. those were christian missionaries. we’re mormons ! ’

' you all know the bible is made of testaments old and new. but what if i were to tell you there's a fresh third part out there ? one that was found by a hip, new prophet who had a little donny osmond flair. '

' he spoke to god ? '

' this is no lie: i speak to god all the time. '

' he's gonna do something incredible. '

‘ oh, well, y’know, i’ve actually never read it. it’s just so boring ! ’

‘ what is this ? some kind of party, huh ? and no one invited me ? ’

‘ keep the light off and the windows closed. ’

‘ i don’t want to spend another night hiding under my bed. ’

‘ stay inside and do not open the door for anyone. ’

‘ my mother once told me of a place with waterfalls and unicorns flying, where there was no suffering and no pain. ’

‘ i always thought she made it up. ’

‘ if i could let myself believe, i know just where i’d be: right on the next bus to paradise. ’

‘ i can’t imagine what it must be like, this perfect, happy place. ’

‘ will i fit in ? ’

‘ soon life won’t be so shitty. ’

‘ now salvation has a name. ’

‘ i once told a lie when i was twelve and i had a dream i went to hell. it was really spooky. ’

‘ we’ve all had the hell dream, people. i have it nightly. ’

‘ africa is nothing like the lion king. that movie took a lot of artistic license. ’

‘ he’s upset because we just saw some guy get shot in the face. ’

‘ there is absolutely nothing i can accomplish here. ’

‘ latter day doesn’t mean tomorrow. it means afterlife ! . . . the reckoning ? latter days ? when good people go to meet heavenly father and they get everything that they have always wanted ! ’

‘ to heck with rules. ’

‘ i am not wasting the most important two years of my life. ’

‘ i’m sorry, guys, but he is my best friend. ’

‘ i can’t do something incredible here. ’

‘ look, you and me, we’re just--- we’re not that compatible, alright ? ’

‘ we just became best friends a few days ago. ’

‘ i’m not your best friend, i just got stuck with you ! ’

‘ it’s okay. i know how it goes. it’s fine. it’ll all be totally fine. ’

‘ you and me, we just need different things. ’

‘ it was really nice meeting you. ’

‘ take it easy, buddy. ’

‘ i was there for you. ’

‘ i don’t have any friends. ’

‘ it’s too late, he’s already made up his mind. ’

‘ he is gone. but you are still here. ’

‘ i’m a follower. ’

‘ what did jesus do when they sentence him to die ? did he try to run away or did he just break down and cry ? no, jesus dug down deep knowing what he had to do. ’

' when faced with his own death, jesus knew that he had to man up. '

‘ just like jesus, i’m growing a pair ! ’

‘ it’s time to man up. ’

‘ i’m gonna man up all over myself. ’

‘ what did jesus do when they put nails through his hands ? did he scream like a girl, or did he take it like a man ? ’

‘ when someone had to die to save us from our sins, jesus said i’ll do it, and he took it on the chin. ’

‘ you’re not my father ! ’

‘ heavenly father, why do you let bad things happen ? ’

‘ more to the point, why do you let bad things happen to me ? ’

‘ i’m sure you don’t think i’m a flake, because you clearly made a mistake. ’

‘ i’m in the lead for the very first time ! ’

‘ i’m going where the sun always shines ! ’

‘ it means, you know, that you should be nice to each other. or something. ’

‘ i know you’re really depressed with all your aids and everything, but there is an answer in christ. ’

‘ i just told a lie. ’

‘ i didn’t lie. i just used my imagination and it worked. ’

‘ you’re making things up again. ’

‘ when you fib, there’s a price. ’

‘ that is definitely against god’s will ! ‘

‘ wait, let me check— ’

‘ you’re recklessly warping the words of jesus. ’

‘ but this time it’s helping a dozen people. ’

‘ i’m not committing a sin just by making things up again, right ? ’

‘ a clitoris is holy amongst all things. ’

‘ who would have thought i’d have this magic touch ? ’

‘ i’m talking, they’re listening. ’

‘ i’m gonna save them all with this stuff. ’

‘ and it’s even better than i could have imagined ! the streets are clean, and the people are happy ! ’

‘ you know, the funny thing is, i don’t even remember getting here. ’

‘ oh, i remember this place. ’

‘ long ago, when i was five, i snuck in the kitchen late at night, and ate a donut with a maple glaze. my father asked who ate the snack, i said that it was my brother, and he got grounded for fourteen days. i’ve lived with that guilt for all of my life. ‘

‘ i’ve lived with that guilt for all of my life. ’

‘ now i’ve gone and done it again. i’ve committed another awful sin. ’

‘ oh god, how could i have done this to you ? ’

‘ there is nothing you can do. ’

‘ you blamed your brother ? you’re a dick. ’

‘ jesus, i’m sorry. ’

‘ jesus hates you. ’

‘ i’m sorry, it was selfish of me. ’

‘ i’m way worse than you. ’

‘ please, give me one more chance. ’

‘ i can’t believe jesus called me a dick. ’

‘ wake up, buddy. ’

‘ i’m sorry, you guys, i had a little meltdown last night, but i’m not leaving. ’

‘ you left me ! remember ? ’

‘ give him a break ! if it’s working better this way . . . ‘

‘ people should be free to do what they want. ’

‘ it’s okay you guys, i have everything under control, i know what heavenly father wants from me now ! ’

‘ ever since i was a child, i’ve tried to be the best. so what happened ? ’

‘ my family and friends all said i was blessed. so what happened ? ’

‘ i allowed my faith to be shaken. oh, what’s the matter with me ? ’

‘ i’ve always longed to help the needed, to do the things i’ve never dared. ’

‘ this was the time for me to step up, so then why was i so scared ? ’

‘ a warlord who shoots people in the face. was so scary about that ? ’

' i must trust that my lord is mightier and always has my back. '

' i can't have even one shred of doubt. '

' you cannot just believe part way, you have to believe in it all. '

' my problem was doubting the lord's will. '

' i believe that has god has a plan for all of us. '

' i believe that the current president of the church speaks directly to god. '

' i know that i must go and do the things my god commands. '

' this is the moment i was born to do. '

' i feel so incredible to be sharing my faith with you. '

‘ hey, wait a minute, god has spoken to me, sir. ’

‘ by the power of god almighty, touch me not ! ’

‘ there are more of you than there are of them, you gotta stand up for yourselves, christ said ! ’

‘ i love all these mormon stories. they are so fucking weird. ’

‘ i just want to say we are really happy heavenly father brought you here. ’

‘ i’ve never seen the people here so happy. you are amazing. ’

‘ you’re a great man. ’

‘ well, y’know, to be honest, i’ve never really done it before. ’

‘ do you know how to baptize someone into the church ? ’

‘ i swear to dedicate my life to the church. ’

‘ i’m about to do it for the first time. and i’m gonna do it with a girl. a special girl. ’

‘ i’m gonna baptize her, bathe her in god’s glory. ’

‘ i’ll make her beg for more. ’

‘ it’ll be so good, she’ll want me to baptize her, again. ’

‘ i’ve never known a boy so gentle. ’

‘ one like him is hard to find. ’

‘ i’m so happy you’re about to be my first. ’

‘ i preformed like a champ ! ’

‘ i’m wet with salvation ! ’

‘ we just went all the way ! ’

‘ praise be to god, i’ll never forget this day. ’

‘ you’ve truly honored the church with your success. ’

‘ i’m not a follower anymore. ’

‘ this is something incredible, that blows my fucking mind. ’

‘ hit me, get me another one, come on. ’

‘ well, well, well, if it isn’t super mormon. you busy spreading the word, making more brainwashed zombies ? ’

‘ of course you woke up, you drank twelve cups of coffee. ’

‘ you just get everything that you pray for. ’

‘ you’re doing all the things that i was supposed to be doing. now doesn’t that seem a little bit telling to you ? that the universe doesn’t work the way we were told ? ’

‘ when i was nine years old, my family took a trip to orlando, florida. it was the most wonderful, most magical place i’ve ever been. ’

‘ my parents told me that if i made god proud, and i did whatever the church asked, then in the latter days, i could have whatever i wanted. so i worked. and i worked. and even when i studied mormon stories and thought well that doesn’t make any sense i kept working ! because i was told that one day i would get my reward ! ’

‘ but what do i have now ? i can’t even get a ticket home. ’

‘ fine. but don’t talk to me, and don’t touch me. ’

‘ without you, i’m just a guy who will die and never go back to you. ’

' let's be really fucking polite to everyone ! '

' now comes the part of our story that gets a little bit sad. '

' we gotta stick together. '

' fuck your woman, fuck your man, it is all part of god's plan. '

' god wants us fucking. '

‘ i think they liked it ! ’

‘ i wanted to show you this. it is the entire play, posted on the mormon church’s facebook page. ’

‘ my things are packed. ’

‘ but you said we could find paradise by listening to you. ’

‘ it’s kinda like a jesus thing. ’

‘ you tell ridiculous stories to people less fortunate to make fun of them. ’

‘ you have crushed my soul. i hope you all had a good laugh. ’

‘ there is no trip to paradise. ’

‘ how could i let my hopes get so high ? ’

‘ you gave me a dream, but it was all a lie. ’

‘ i think you like to see me cry. ’

‘ i really did it this time. i mean, i’ve always been a screw up, but this ? ’

‘ that play was the most miraculous thing i’ve ever seen. ’

‘ well, sure, it was a bunch of made up stuff, but it all pointed to something bigger. ’

‘ wait. . . you’ve been trying to teach me something all along, haven’t you ? ’

‘ i was making it all about me. i was losing faith while you went out and did. . . something incredible. you did something incredible for people who had nowhere left to go. ’

‘ they were happy. and hopeful. and wearing costumes. it was almost like orlando. ’

‘ we cannot give up hope, we have to try and fix this ! ’

‘ we do not oppose you, we will do whatever you say. ’

‘ our prophet has taught us to stick together and fight oppression. ’

‘ he was. . . eaten by lions. ’

‘ there is no promise land, and there is no salvation. ’

‘ that is fucking stupid. ’

‘ you might as well put down those guns, because they will not work against the undead ! ’

‘ i’m so sorry, if you could give me a second chance, i promise— ’

‘ where do you think you’re going ? ’

‘ you know what, you guys ? fuck him ! ’

‘ we are still latter day saints. all of us. even if we change some things. or we break the rules. or we have complete doubt that god exists. ‘

‘ you wanna stay here with me ? ’

' who cares what happens when we're dead ? we shouldn't that far ahead. '

' if you just put down the gun, i'll show you--- '

' did you know that the clitoris is a holy sacred thing ? '

' the past may be in tatters, but today is all that matters. '

#South Park RP #rp memes #rp sentence prompts #rp sentence meme #sentence #sentence starters #south park sentence starters #rp sentence starters #sentence starter memes #meme #ask meme #roleplay meme #askbox #ask sentence meme #book of mormon rp #book of mormon sentence starters #orgazmo rp #orgazmo sentence starters #its the post - covid script <3

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nightswithkookmin · 3 years ago

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hello, i have been watching alot of bts videos on my free time and i noticed how jk is kinda so possessive of mimi.I understand when jm is goofing alot with non members like other idols or interviewers,just jimin being jimin interactions. But why does jk get possessive of him when its just the members,?

ok dont get me wrong i know possessiveness in relationship is not bad,You have a right to do so,if the person you love is whining with some other person & enjoying & ignoring you so you have right to be possessive.but why with the members when they are all like bros/family

You are asking the wrong person sis

One time I was "friends" with this girl and she would come around my family often but took a liking to my cousin.

I developed crossed eyes and everything whenever my FRIEND merely talked about my cousin or complimented her or said anything nice about her.

She's a nice person- ait date her then.

Oh she asked me to go to the beach party- ait you two have fun and don't invite me to the wedding.

Her skin is flawless- ait that's a break up. Don't ever hit my line again you community vagina.

I wish I could say I'm a better person now but truth is I'm not. Will swing for anyone who dares look at my cousin twice.

Truth is, I'm lowkey- scratch that- i'm high key jealous of my cousin like I'm not even going to sugarcoat it. And yes, I do think she has low morals as to steal my girl if she wanted to. Doesn't matter to me that she is straight. bitch loose as fuck.

Worse, she is as trustworthy as a mouse, but because we are family I'm expected to act like I don't find her problematic and the things she does is not questionable to me.

She will lie on you, sneak around behind your back, steal your stuff and akekeke at the end of the day holding the family card meanwhile I woulda put hands on her had she been any one else.

If Kook is possessive it's probably because it's his nature first and foremost- some people are naturally predisposed to feelings of jealousy and possessiveness. It's the human in us all.

Sometimes too the environment calls for it. If you are around people you don't trust, people who constantly trigger your own insecurities about yourself, poke at your trauma and trigger your fear of losing something or someone, your fear of being cheated on, your fear of being betrayed-

If you have low self esteem, low confidence in yourself, insecurities about your looks or what you bring to the table then you are bound to be triggered every now and then especially when people around you don't respect the boundaries you put in place to prevent yourself from tripping.

For Kook i feel it's a mixture of all these things.

We all have demons we fight within us. Others can make it hard or easy for us to over come these demons.

Jungkook is human.

He's not always been so confident in himself and to an extent he still deals or might be dealing with insecurities about his talent, his looks etc. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with him. But that's because I see too much of myself in him. I'm not as talented or pretty or successful or rich but I feel him.

I hate to say this on a platform as this but- i mean he is human. He is surrounded by equally amazing beautiful human beings. It's a miracle they all get along this well. They get along too well it's almost fake. Even siblings are plaqued with sibling rivalry and sometimes you need several shots of nicotine to be happy for their early marriage, promotion, new house etc.

Jimin don't have to be interested in those people for him to feel the burn at all. When Jimin shows interest in the others it only compounds the issue.

I don't want to say outrightly that certain members trigger his insecurities- Namjoon being on top of that list if I were saying exactly that cough- but I'm not saying that because who wants to get dragged by JKKs. Who wants that??

Like I said, i don't mind if my gfs mess around with whomever but it would be bloody if they mess with my one particular cousin. I don't hate this cousin but... yeah. I will shoot poison daggers and everything. Just don't do it. Just respect my boundaries.

God don cussed a whole race of humans over one damn apple. I used to think he was dramatic for that shit but now I can relate.

We shouldn't invalidate his feelings because of our personal pseudo moral stance and demonize the humanness in him. I feel it's gaslighting for people to assume he is perfect and as such shouldn't grapple with these human feelings if it is that.

And it applies even if they are just friends. Sometimes, just sometimes, you get uncomfortable when your friend is friends with other people. The thought of your friend building intimate relationships with other people beside you, the idea that they may be as close or closer to others beside you can be unnerving.

That comes from cherishing your bond so much you just don't want anyone to come in between that to mess things up for you.

Kook values his relationship with Jimin.

unless he is a polygamourist, it's gonna be difficult to come to terms he is not the only one or that he is not as special to Jimin or that what they have isn't unique at all.

Not everyone is capable of building multiple emotionally intimate relationships with multiple people. Some people are naturally, innately exclusive in their formation of emotional bonds. I'm one such person.

Don't think too hard about this.

It's like Jimin getting jealous over Tae hanging out with his Hwarang friends and excluding him. It's cute, juvenile and not to be taken seriously. Kook is cute. Endearing even.

These feelings are perfectly normal and not at all mysterious. It's the most basic of human emotions. Almost as basic as love.

But i could dive much deeper into this topic. To Ko-fi we go!

I mean as soon as I'm done with my JM post. I keep writing and deleting 😭

GOLDY

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stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale · 3 years ago

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I’m sorry, but can I just go on a little rant about the Louis, clouis, and the Clem comic...?

I didn’t really talk about Louis in my overall review of the comic because I wanted that to be more contained to the content shown on the pages, Clementine’s relationship with AJ, and her as a character.... but the more I think about these comics and Louis, the more frustrated I become thinking about what Clementine abandoning everyone would do to him.

[... okay it’s not little anymore since I guess I can never just do anything simple when it comes to Louis, sorry my bad]

So, no surprise, we all know the comic’s bullshit by now. Clementine leaving everything and everyone behind because she’s not happy is dumb, AJ just letting her go is dumb, and Clem going to the mountains on crutches and a peg leg to find this so-called happiness is dumb.

Now that we’ve established it’s dumb, I wanna talk about Louis because I got a lot of built up feelings about how bullshit this storyline is with how Clementine would not only abandon AJ, but also abandon Louis.

Because let me tell you..... his heart would be broken beyond repair and I need to talk about why.

Sigh.... so.... muh boy.

Before he met Clementine, Louis was this laidback, irresponsible, but caring and musical person who kept his head down to avoid conflict and never looked at the future. He was the kind of person who took things one day at a time, saw survival as a day-to-day task, and said that the future doesn’t exist, there’s only today. You get the point, he was never too concerned with things because they always seemed to work out, and if they didn’t, then that sucks and that’s why we should appreciate every day while we have it.

Louis is shown to be charismatic and friendly, he spends his free time playing piano and card games, but no one really takes him seriously. Not even Marlon, his best friend for 8+ years. While he doesn’t seem to be on bad terms with anyone [including Aasim, they just act like people who disagree with the other’s point of view and have had the same argument many times, but that doesn’t mean they hate each other, y’know?] he also doesn’t appear super close with anyone outside of Marlon and possibly Violet, but even then.

Marlon’s shown to have little faith in him with the way he talks about if Louis will even show up to hunt. He has a controlling grip on Louis that’s prominent during the confrontation scene when he uses intimidation to try to convince Louis to not interfere. Oh, and there’s the fact that Marlon’s been lying to Louis for the past year about the twins and then continued to lie to his face about what really happened to Brody... which isn’t great when you consider how Louis was the only one who had blind faith in him as a leader and, according to Marlon, was the only one who couldn’t see how pathetic he always was.

Violet, while having a few more nicer moments with him than Marlon, still invalidates him and his feelings several times throughout the first half of the game which makes me wonder how close they ever were, or at least if Violet ever considered him a close friend to begin with. And no, a small monologue in the dorms doesn’t make everything better or confirm they were brotp the whole time... especially when once they’re on the boat, Louis might as well not exist because Violet can’t be bothered to acknowledge what happened to him or inquire about how he’s doing. I guess she just didn’t have time react while standing in her cell for several unbothered minutes-- no wait, it’s she already reacted off screen. Right. Good writing is good.

What I’m getting at here is that even though Louis is surrounded by people who he genuinely cares about, there is an argument to be made that he’s a lonely person. Hell, he’s aware of his loneliness when he says that no one hears past his music and jokes. I mean, how many nights do you think he spent by himself playing the piano because no one wanted to hear it? Are they like Violet and crack jokes about how he doesn’t have actual talent? Probably, given that someone literally carved “you suck at playing” onto the side of the damn piano.

Oh, and let’s touch on that backstory of his. Louis grew up wealthy with two parents who loved him and each other, and they gave him anything he wanted except singing lessons. Louis says he wanted to be a real musician. But I guess his father didn’t like that idea and told him no, with the [as Louis puts it] dumb dad lesson of, “You get to be happy, or you get to be rich, can’t be both.” ...which is interesting given that Louis and his family were stupid rich but also.... were they not happy? well, that doesn’t make sense because little Louis knew that if he broke up their marriage, they would be hurt.

So yeah, Louis was so upset that his father continually refused to let him take singing lessons that he broke into the man’s credit cards and faked an affair, which led to his parents divorcing... and then he spit his father’s words back in his face.

Then they dumped him at Ericson. And the walkers came.

There’s so much to unpack from the story he tells that it could be it’s own analysis, but basically.... Louis is aware of why what he did was fucked up, and he carries it with him every day.

He regrets what he did, chews himself out for being such a “vindictive fuckhead” [and the amount of force used in that line tells you a lot, like how it’s not the first time he’s chastised himself like this] and he admits that he doesn’t even know the person he’s talking about. Yet, he still sees himself as bad, saying that they [I assume the staff] told him and the other kids they’re bad people. I don’t doubt that Louis internalized that which played a huge role in the confidence and self-esteem issues he has during tfs.

Anyway, I’ll come back to this later, but when you take that amount of guilt and regret, and mix it with the fact that they dropped him off at this school that was supposed to make him better.... then the walkers came and those teachers, staff, and headmaster? Gone. Left a bunch of kids to fend for themselves, with the exception of Ms. Martin [but given how she looks when we find her I doubt she lasted that long] and I cannot imagine how horrifying that was for all of them. The dead are up eating people, and if you die you become one of them... and the people you thought you could rely on just fucking left you to die at this school.

Every kid in that school has trauma and abandonment issues from before and after the world went to shit, every last one, and Louis isn’t the exception here. Over the years, a lot of kids died and they’ve all seen horrible shit. They all knew they were never going to see their families again, and as far as we know, no one came to get their kids at the beginning. They had to find ways of coping while trying to survive, and all they had left was each other.

Louis copes with music and games and jokes. He’s built up this persona where it seems like he’s unaffected by the comments the others make, that the death and suffering he’s gone through is in the past, that he is confident and open to those around him.

But then Clementine and AJ show up, and Louis grows close with both of them. They had immediate chemistry upon first meeting, he was the one who looked after AJ since it seems like everyone else saw him as a little terror, and he went out of his way to be kind and make them comfortable.

When they go hunting with him, Louis and Clementine have a moment after taking care of the walker where they lower their guards a bit-- Louis gives her more in-depth reasons for his views of survival, and going off her expression, it gets to her and makes her think.... but they’ve know each other a day and he’s not quick to infodump his life story or let her in, so he cuts the conversation short.

Then we have the Marlon confrontation scene that I have gone over so many times in the past. I won’t dillydally with it too long but..... Clementine appeals to Louis, who curls in on himself because of the control Marlon has on him. He wants to help, and hell, he knows this is wrong but he’s so used to not getting involved that he gets defensive.... plus, he’s known Clementine for two days, and he’s known Marlon for 8+ years.... he wants to believe Marlon but you can tell he doesn’t want this, either. It takes Clementine talking to him to give him courage to stand between her and Marlon’s gun and it’s a lot.

AJ shoots Marlon and everything goes to shit, and Louis is a goddamn mess. His best friend was murderer right in front of him, so add that to the trauma list, and he’s overwhelmed with all these feelings that again.... they keep getting invalidated by Violet because “Marlon was a liar and murderer, therefore you shouldn’t feel bad about his death. Get over yourself, Louis, you can be such a shithead sometimes.”

Oh yeah Vi, I guess he should care more about two people he’s known for a total of two days rather than for the safety of the people [including you] he’s grown up with and cared about for 8+ years.... makes sense.

So yeah, little to no support during this time. Alone again.

And just because I have to make this clear so no one gets a hair up their ass-- both Louis and Violet are wrong here. Kicking them out isn’t the solution, but neither is acting like AJ was right to commit murder just because it was Marlon.

But plots gotta plot, so they get voted out and you can see that Louis is conflicted about the whole thing. He wants them gone, but at the same time, he knows what kicking them out means. You can see it on his face that he’s not okay with kicking them out. He’s hurting when he’s there in the dorms telling them how the vote went... he literally doesn’t know what else to do. He just knows that everything hurts, Clem and AJ caused it, and he wants the pain to stop. He even tries to justify it to himself by figuring that they’ve done this before so they’ll be fine. Not a great thing to say, Lou.

Anyway, we know the story, Clem and AJ come back and Louis once again sees the consequences of acting out of pain.... AJ is shot because Louis was hurt and he made a bad decision that he’s gotta live with.... something that he’s done before, and this affirms to him that he’s bad. He wishes he could take it back, and goes as far as to admit that to Clementine during the archery scene.

By the way, credit to him for his apology to her. It’s rare in these games that Clem gets a genuine apology from someone who hurt her and doesn’t turn around to repeat the hurtful behavior, y’know? Plus, I can think of plenty of characters who owed Clem an apology in the past or if they did apologize, it was half-assed.

You can feel how conflicted he is with this whole thing-- learning who Marlon really was and what he did, feeling something for Clementine before everything went down and not knowing how to handle those feelings afterward, caring about AJ and understanding why he thought shooting was the best choice but still hurting that his friend is dead....

And the thing is.... Louis forgives her for so much, as she does him, and through all of that bullshit, they manage to develop that strong connection that turns romantic. Louis lets himself be fully vulnerable with her and is honest about his feelings, how she listened when no one else did and seeing him for more than just the persona he put on.

This works on Clementine’s side, too. Clementine has been through her own fair share of bullshit-- trauma, abandonment, loss, injury, you name it. She’s made mistakes, done terrible things, and has been in enough groups to know that romance usually ends in heartbreak.... and yet, she’s willing to open herself up to Louis and admit she feels a lot for him.

Is it a little rushed? Yep. Could it have been handled better? Of course, most things this season could’ve, but what we got was pretty good.

So Clementine and Louis are romantically involved now, the raiders attack, and she saves him... and boy does Louis feel guilty about that one, too. He feels bad enough that he questions why she would pick him because he can’t fathom his life being worth saving over another’s. He doesn’t see himself as useful, and even though Clementine is literally his girlfriend at this point, his self-esteem is so all over the place that he can’t understand why she would have him at her side.

And when Clementine tells him that he’s too important to her, he’s too baffled to even give a response. He looks at her in disbelief like he wasn’t expecting her to say that. But this shows that at the beginning of their relationship, he still doubts himself, and through her working with him, he begins to build up that strength in himself.

He becomes brave enough to share what got him sent to the school with her, and he plays Don’t Be Afraid for everyone at the party and like.... for once, everyone is listening to him. Really listening to him. They’re not talking shit about his musical skills, they’re not ignoring him or the feelings he’s putting into the song, they’re sitting there with him and I just..... if you watch him, you can see that his eyes get pretty glossy throughout the song. The moment meant something to everyone.

There’s also the fact that Clementine asked him to come with her and AJ onto the boat, and to be the one in charge of the bomb... that’s a huge responsibly and he feels the pressure of that. He starts to panic a bit about if he can do it, because what if he fucks up? What if he gets them caught and makes everything worse? What if something happens to Clementine and he can’t do anything about it?

She’s there to reassure him that she believes in him, and that he can do this. They’re going to get everyone back, and he needs to focus... then he asks her to slap him which why would you? that’s dumb, so Clementine smooches him instead and like.... he physically relaxes into her because he’s comfortable and trusts her in this situation.

Also, he loves her and cares about this mission enough to cover himself and his fancy jacket in walker guts.... sure, he complains while doing so but how else is he gonna cope with rubbing rotten guts on himself to blend in with a herd of walkers?

Skipping ahead so that we’re not here all day, I wanna talk about the walk back to the school because it’s one of the most important clouis moments in the game and a huge reason that solidifies why the comic is bullshit.

Louis went off on his own to go out and find them. He didn’t know where they would be, he just knew that he had to go out and find them after making sure everyone was okay back at the school because he couldn’t bare the thought that he had lost them. And the way the AJ gets so excited to see him? and the group hug??

At this point, Louis has grown so much as a character. With Clementine by his side to support him, he’s grown stronger and more reliable. Remember how he never thought about the future? Well, now he is because his relationship with Clementine has given him a reason to long for a future. He talks about building this imaginary house with her, one he knows they can’t physically build... but it’s his way of saying we can build a home together, that he wants a future with her and AJ and everyone else. It’s such a personal conversation that flows so easy between them. Louis is more comfortable talking to her about things from his past, which is something he didn’t want to do back in ep1.

He confides in her how he’s feeling after he shot and killed Dorian, he tells her that having a home means protecting it and I just.... it’s so good, okay? And from Clementine’s side, you can feel how at ease she is with him, too. Just the way she smiles at him as they’re walking? like he’s the cutest thing and she’s so happy to have him with her?

But then we gotta deal with Minerva’s crazy ass on the bridge and well, AJ shoots Tenn and Louis is having flashbacks to Marlon and it’s not great. That’s a whole thing, and he ends up separated from them while escaping.

We don’t get to see Louis’ reaction to Clementine getting bit and losing her leg since I guess that puts a damper on the overly happy ending. But, going off of what we know about him and what I’ve explained [which isn’t even all of it, this isn’t a full Louis character analysis. if it was, it would be much longer and in multiple parts... believe it or not, I’m trying to not make this too long and only sorta failing...] we can get an idea of how he would react.

Um, to say he was upset is an understatement.

Because remember, he had no time to think and climbed over the fence, thinking he could get them to climb over and they could get away, but it didn’t work. He ended up leaving them in order to save himself since walkers were closing in on him.

But you know that he’d blame himself for the bite. A lot of, “if I had just stayed” and “I should’ve climbed back over, I should’ve stayed with you.” I’m sure there were points where it looked like Clem wouldn’t make it and I can’t imagine how much hurt he went through watching her suffer and heal from losing a leg like that.

Not only that, but knowing that AJ was the one to do it? And him thinking about what Clem’s death would do to AJ after all this? There isn’t a doubt in my mind that Louis would take care of AJ if she died. He cares about AJ, and he loves Clementine, so he be there for both of them, even if he’s still hurting from Tenn’s death.

However, Clementine didn’t die. She survived the bite and amputation, and when we flashforward, she and Louis are still happily together. Louis is right there next to her at dinner, and he’s the one to help her with her crutches. He’s there to go over future plans to meet the traveling caravan, and Clementine wants him to be the one to go.

Oh, and Louis once again forgives AJ for shooting Tenn, claiming that he understands that AJ saw something that he couldn’t. Like with Marlon, he’s not happy Tenn’s dead but he can see why AJ did it to save his life.

I just..... happy ending. Clementine and Louis are together and she’s truly happy to have found a home for her and AJ with him at Ericson.

....But then the comic thought it would be fun to say “nah.”

The comic isn’t canon, I’m still insulted that it would ever consider itself as such, but even so I can’t help but feel so frustrated about how this would destroy Louis.

He finally found someone he would consider his best friend, not just his girlfriend. She saw past that funny man persona and he trusted her enough to let her past this wall he built around himself. He let himself become vulnerable around her, he named his song after her. Their initials are carved into his piano with a heart surrounding them. He loved her.

Clementine left him feeling loved, something he probably hasn’t truly felt since he was a little boy with his parents before their divorce. She loved him even after hearing his past because she knew that wasn’t him anymore, and she helped him build the confidence he needed to step up. Because of Clementine, Louis wants to enjoy every day while also looking at the future. He isn’t lonely anymore, he has her and AJ. He’s truly happy.

So to tell me that Louis would wake up one morning only to have AJ tell him that Clementine’s gone, she’ been planning an escape without telling anyone because she wasn’t happy...? I’m sorry, but if you think that wouldn’t leave Louis absolutely devastated, then you know nothing about him as a character.

This idea is just.... look, Louis is perceptive. That’s a big part of his character, he’s perceptive of those around him. If Clementine was showing signs of being unhappy or depression, he would see it. He would notice a change. He would be able to tell if something was off, and he would ask her about it. Louis is the type of person to ask you what you need. What can he do to help? What do you need to feel better? And if you don’t know, it’s okay, he’ll help you figure it out in any way possible.

Plus, the comic suggests that there are times where she went off on her own but came back [probably doing her escape prep ugh] and you expect me to believe that Louis wouldn’t notice that or wonder what she’s doing? Wouldn’t sense that something’s going on?

After she’s gone, he’s going to blame himself for not being enough. He couldn’t make her happy and he was a fool to think he ever could. AJ lost the only family he’s known since he was born because Louis couldn’t help her, couldn’t do anything to stop her from leaving.

And for him to realize that she didn’t love him? Clementine, the girl he thought the world of because of how strong and confident and in-charge she was, because she saw him for who he was..... she left him, abandoned him... and she couldn’t even be bothered with a goodbye.... that says that she didn’t care all that much about him in the end.

You KNOW that he would think he had this coming, too. How could the universe allow him to fall in love and be happy with someone who loved him back after what he did to his parents? He would feel so heartbroken that he would see this as some sort of karma for breaking up his parents happy marriage as a kid years before he ever met Clementine and before the apocalypse.

I fucking can’t.... I don’t have the words to fully explain how much I hate this. Louis wouldn’t be okay afterward, and I doubt he’d ever fully recover. I wasn’t joking when I mentioned before that Louis would stop playing piano. How could he sit there and play when I he can see is their initials and remember the night she confessed to him? When he named his song after her? Clementine left and took the music with her because Louis wouldn’t have it in him... something that he used to cope would be ruined and that’s just.... it’s fucking awful.

Not only that, but now he has AJ who I assume is hurting just as much [though the comics inaccurately assume he would just let Clem go sooo... yeah] and he would be the only one Louis would really talk to about it, but then again.... what if AJ doesn’t wanna talk about it? What if AJ starts to act out and things just become terrible and Louis is just too overwhelmed?

I just.... UGH. That’s how I feel. UGH.

Clementine from the comic? Not her. She would never fucking do this to Louis, AJ, or anyone else at Ericson, and you would know that if you played the tfs.

Sigh.... sorry, I just needed to get this all out. I haven’t seen anyone talk about how Clem leaving would affect Louis and I’ve gotten some asks/come across some posts about Louis that have left me incredibly annoyed.... well, I was annoyed before because of the comics, so my annoyances with those things were only heightened. So yeah... I wanted to talk about Louis’ character in hopes of explaining why he would be so hurt if this comic was canon.

Which it’s not. So it’s fine.

How are we all feelin’ at this point, by the way? I know I’m not the only one still annoyed with the comic, so I hope y’all are doin’ okay. Hope you’re stayin’ chill and thinking about your faves to help cope with this mess hahaha

#twdg louis #twdg clementine #twdg clouis #twdg aj #twdg marlon #twdg violet #clouis #twdg #sometimes i just need to talk about louis okay #one day i'll do a full character analysis that goes over everything #but today isn't that day #long post

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idle-lyla · 2 years ago

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i made a list of things i have to read before possibly doing something bad for me —

you go to my office high. you drive me home high. you get overly touchy and reckless when you're high. you smoke everyday. you say you don't have enough money but you spend as much as 20k for weed and psychedelics every other month. also, your weed pipe looks like a fat dildo.

you don't want to be seen with me in public. there's always a pretty dress put to waste.

my therapist says you are a narcissist who's been alternating between love bombing and devaluing me the past three years. this cycle has destroyed my self-worth and self-respect for the sake of building yours. at first i found this hard to believe because you never appeared self-obsessed. my therapist said, narcissists have low self-esteem but hide it very well. you appear charming and accomplished to the world with your meaningful career and advocacies. you invite me to group meditations where you speak about lovingkindness, as if you were a priest preaching the gospel. you are worse than most men, because you go out of your way pretending that you are not like most men. you are smart with your deception. truth is, you have never been good in your personal relationships, you only want an audience so people can think that you are capable of goodness. looking back, you have only been nice to me so you could take advantage.

you never say sorry. you have taken away my freedom in saying what's on my mind. whenever i feel bad and try to communicate it, you twist my story to turn yourself into the victim, so much so that i end up apologizing and regretting i ever said anything to hurt you. now i overthink the validity of my emotions rather than accepting them as they come.

you bring out the worst in me. i forget to take care of myself. non-stop crying in the hospital, in the shower, in the grab ride home. i was told i was showing PTSD symptoms.

this relationship has driven me away from my family and friends.

it was not always consensual.

it hurts that you talk to too many girls. it makes me feel very disposable. it hurt so much that day we were watching netflix on your phone and a message notification flashed on your screen. you feigned innocence and acted like it was a message from a friend.

you have daddy issues. you hate him but you are so much like him.

messy room. messy life.

i thought it was a bit romantic how we have kept this alive for so long, how we have managed to live our own lives and meet other people, only to cross paths again in the end. but i now realize that you are never letting me go, not because you (could) love me, but because you needed me to boost your ego up. you will always want me but you will never care for me.

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softinkshadows · 4 years ago

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Shingeki no Kyojin Astrology: sun-moon-rising combinations

I was looking around tumblr for detailed astrology speculations of my fave anime characters, but there aren't that many! Being q well-versed in astro myself, i thought why not do my own version (very spoiler-free, don’t worry)! I followed the birth dates given by isayama:

Eren Jaeger - Aries sun, Scorpio moon, Cancer rising Aside from the fact that he can be hotheaded and impulsive, Eren's feelings of vengeance run deep and explosive. Remember that time he was chained to the bed after the attack on trost, and his eyes were wild with the need to violently eradicate all titans? He's so tenacious and emotionally stubborn too (a Scorp moon trait) to the point of being closed off from everyone else, especially towards the end where he seems to take the weight of the world's burden on his own shoulders. And all for the sake of protecting his community and ensuring the safety of his friends for the rest of their lives. His comrades and family are his motivation. This is his Cancer rising steering his life.

Mikasa Ackerman - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Aries rising "Look that moody brat is running off on her own again." Mikasa is similar to Eren in her impulsiveness and determination, but different in two ways- what they aim to protect and their extent of fearlessness. Eren is aware of his own weaknesses and helplessness, but Mikasa's amazing physical prowess makes her act without any hesitation at all. She's hella fierce and driven to keep herself in shape too, doing all those sit-ups and chopping firewood post-injury. I think she deserves a double Aries! An Aries rising means a Libra descendant too, which is reflected her whole-hearted devotion in her close partnerships (Eren and Armin). Her aquarius moon really shines thru with her stoic independence, focus and perseverance.

Armin Arlet - Scorpio sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising He's the brain of the 104th cadet corps, and is second to Erwin in terms of strategy! An intelligent planner with low self-esteem often found second guessing his own analytical abilities, Armin is a true blue Virgo moon. His emotional self stands out the most from the main three protagonists - Eren & Mikasa mostly express anger and desperation, whereas Armin is usually shrouded in fear and worry. He's a very soft bb, hence the Pisces rising, not to mention he gets so dreamy imagining the sea, the vast plains, and the magical world beyond the walled universe he knows. A spiritually-attuned and curious explorer :")

Levi Ackerman - Capricorn sun, Scorpio moon, Virgo rising Levi is such a complex person, thanks to Isayama's brilliance. Like many Cap suns, Levi is authoritative, cold and incredibly savage. That's not to say he doesn't feel anything either. Levi is an evolved Scorp moon (maybe even moon in 11th house) because his feelings are never for himself, but he hurts so much for others - you can tell every death hits him so hard, but he doesn't show this to anyone else. He also exudes this quietly intimidating aura of natural competence, a common characteristic of this sun-moon combo. He can take things personally as well (re: height issues) but it never snowballs into more than passing irritation. The turbulence of his emotions and habit for violence is balanced out by his earthy Virgo rising, which is emotionally subdued, quite thin and delicate in physique, and super neurotic and nitpicky when it comes to cleanliness and health. Cap, Virgo and Scorp are some of the most guarded signs, and a combi of all 3 are hellish. You can tell this poor beautiful man is always caught between feeling and thinking, between maintaining his humanity and forsaking it.

Erwin Smith - Libra sun, Capricorn moon, Leo rising In another life, Erwin Smith would be the damn CEO of a global conglomerate because he oozes so much charisma. Hell if charisma were energy Erwin Smith would be its prime, eternally renewable source. His stature alone is so commanding, and I find some strong Leonine traits in his thickset physique, strong eyebrows, beautiful hair, and that way he shouted in full glory atop wall Rose in that one episode to the cheering masses below. He might be a Libra sun, diplomatic in political affairs, but his Capricorn moon is what drives his decisions. Cap moon has a rep for being cold and unemotional, but i believe they are way more than that! Cap moons rarely boast about their long list of achievements, instead looking forward to the next goal. They struggle with emotional expression, and are super driven and disciplined. Erwin is capable of making the hardest decisions, putting aside emotions to strive for an abstract ideal, and this is to be expected of the commander who takes on the role of the devil.

Hange Zoe - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon, Gemini rising All hail our favourite mad scientist!! Hange is such a breath of fresh air in the Survey Corps, balancing out the heaviness of missions with their wacky tales of titan research and experimentation. Their penchant for study and higher knowledge is typical of a Sagittarius moon, who is drawn to advanced academic study and spiritual truths. It's also a lighthearted and optimistic sign, true to Hange's upbeat personality. The Virgo in them contributes to their sheer intelligence and obsessiveness with research subjects. We also know they LOVE to talk, and once Eren asks Hange about experiments, they cannot stop (Gemini governs communication). Virgo, Sag and Gemini are the most intellectual signs, and because they are mutuable Hange tends to follow orders rather than give them, making it difficult to adapt to their new role towards the end of the series. Mutable signs also means rapidly-changing emotional states, and a whole lot of chaos, which suits our beloved squad leader.

Jean Kirstein - Aries sun, Virgo moon, Taurus rising Our third Aries on the list ohmygod. The snk universe is full of feisty hotheads. Jean is always seen clashing with Eren, fuelled by Eren's closeness with Mikasa and his own adorable jealousy. I mean, they had a full on fist fight right after dinner in the mess hall, although everything went downhill after the first few punches. Our first impression of Jean during his cadet days is coloured by his desire to work in the interior, and this favour for material safety and wealth is perhaps common to a Taurus rising. Also, Taurus is ruled by Venus, planet of beauty and harmony, and thus often figures in the charts of artists. If you've seen Jean's drawing skills in that special episode, you'll know that his artistic abilities are the finest we have seen, exceeding even that of isayama himself. Jean's strong principles such as being averse to killing people and oftentimes cynical nature, is also characteristic of the moral and cautious Virgo moon.

Sasha Braus - Leo sun, Gemini moon, Taurus rising Not all Leos are showmans. Sasha is the type of Leo who displays more of the quirky, unabrashed personality suited to her opposite sister sign Aquarius. Authority doesn't exist when food comes into play, as we see when she breaks potato with Shadis and later steals a slab of meat from the officer's warehouse. Unlike the visual artistry that Jean possesses with his Taurus rising, Sasha's Taurus centers around her love for food, and hell she can have fiery determination for it (rmb the wild night she mistook Jean's hand for meat?). I love that both of them were pitted with each other in that cooking special episode. I considered placing her as a Taurus moon, but Taurus moons are usually steadier and classier in emotion, whereas Sasha is often breezy, gets nervous and chaotic, with stellar intuition, making her likely a Gemini moon.

Connie Springer - Taurus sun, Cancer moon, Gemini rising Although not much attention is paid to Connie's growth, his character development reminds me a lot of Aang from ATLA. Cheery and happy-go-lucky at first, before the incident with his mother made him more prone to feelings of anger and vengeance, especially near the later chapters. His strong protective bond with his mother is what compels me to say he is a Cancer moon, which is a moon sign that is very homebody and drawn to family and traditions. His goofy self and him referring to Sasha as "his twin" puts him as the spunky Gemini rising, another sign he shares with her.

Reiner Braun - Leo sun, Pisces moon, Capricorn rising Aside from his natural leader personality (Leonine), Reiner likes to take on the persona of the big brother of the group. His outward stoicism, decisiveness and task-oriented nature is typical of a Cap rising, who is often serious and solemn in appearance. He reminds me of that Cap rising workaholic who does his best in a corporate organization, working 9 to 5 plus overtime as it fulfills his sense of purpose. Beyond his stoic facade reveals a more troubled personality. Like a Pisces moon, Reiner is impressionable, and it's difficult to tell if his emotions and personalities are his own, wavering and absorbing traits from those around him. His internal war with his identity and the ensuing fatigue characterises him during the second half of the series.

Annie Leonhart - Aries sun, Aquarius moon, Virgo rising Annie is the kind of Aries that is so motivated to achieve her goals that everything else is sidelined, including her own emotions. She's quite ruthless in chasing her objectives, and her composure, focus and endurance is highlighted with an Aquarius moon. I'm guessing she has a 4th house influence somewhere because of her motivations to go home to her father and lead a normal life. I find the daintiness and delicateness of her features similar to Levi, who is also a Virgo rising. The Virgo effect also registers as a brutal, unfiltered honesty (also seen in Levi), and Annie doesn't hesitate to speak the truth about her own or her opponent's capabilities.

Other characters which I won't go into much detail about:

Bertholdt Hoover - Capricorn sun, Virgo moon, Pisces rising Bertholdt is quiet with an unobtrusive personality. His lack of supposed iniative and aggression can perhaps be attributed to the mutuability of Virgo and Pisces, which goes with the flow instead of charging forward. He keeps his feelings to himself, but reacts when the people he wants to protect are threatened.

Historia Reiss - Capricorn sun, Libra moon, Cancer rising Historia initially lives for the sake of others (esp Ymir), and is more co-dependent than many of her other squadmates. She also tends to put up a front of pleasantness, afraid of disappointing or offending people. She has a strong tie to family, and a profound sense of duty.

Ymir - Aquarius sun, Pisces moon, Aries rising Ymir is extremely astute when it comes to evaluating human behaviour. The religiosity of her background is also usually found in this sun-moon combination, which tends to attract paths of strong spirituality. She also has a bold and noble sacrificial streak for the sake of her companions.

Zeke Jaeger - Leo sun, Capricorn moon, Scorpio rising A headstrong, intelligent and radical character. In a way similar to Erwin in his ruthlessness, but emotionally darker and much more sinisterly private.

Kenny Ackerman - Aquarius sun, Sagittarius moon

Rod Reiss - Virgo sun, Libra moon

Dot Pixis - Virgo sun, Sagittarius moon

Hannes - Capricorn sun, Taurus moon

#snk astrology #snk #aot astrology #shingeki no kyojin #attack on titan #anime astrology #eren jaeger #mikasa ackerman #armin arlet #levi ackerman #erwin smith #hange zoe #jean kirstein #sasha braus #connie springer #reiner braun #annie leonhart #bertholdt hoover #historia reiss

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