#what the society around them believes to be like a normal basic person

[maretriarch]

psychopathy is not real that's just a word you made up for an asshole guy who does bad things you don't like

[linkspooky]

I WANT YOU TO UNDERSTAND ME

It's not surprising to me that Gojo's dying monologue he spent more time talking about his fight with Sukuna than any of his students. Gojo's priority from the beginning isn't to save Megumi but to fight all-out against a strong opponent, the line is: ""The Absolute Strong. The loneliness that follows. The one who will teach you about love is..."

This fight is basically the climax of Gojo's identity crisis which has been a long running issue for him throughout the manga. He's simultaneously a self-confident individualist with an overpowering sense of "ego" and a person with little idea of who he is outside of the role in society that was given to him. Gojo went into the fight looking for someone capable of understanding him, the fight is about Gojo seeking an answer to who he is, that's why he fights and that's why he loses.

Gojo is Not Normal

Nanami's statement is misinterpreted I think.

"You live for Jujutsu. You don't wield it to protect something. You use it solely for the sake of satisfying yourself."

A lot of people took this to mean that Goo didn't care about anyone but himself, even though Gojo directly contradicts this earlier.

"I love everyone and don't feel lonely snow, but somewhere along the way there was a line I drew, not as a human but as a living creature."

He states he does love other people, if only from afar, he just doesn't understand them. Gojo can't make other people his reason to fight, because he only understands himself. He only sees himself. He can only fight for what's inside himself.

"You can make a flower bloom, you can admire it, but you can't tell that flower 'I want you to understand me'

Gojo's students are the flowers. Itadori, Fushiguro and Nobara are all named after flowers. He's raising them up to be as strong as him, he's fond of them, but he doesn't think they relate to him because he exists in a different category of other people.

A lot of people want Gojo to be a more traditional caring mentor figure like Kakashi or Aizawa they're missing what's really interesting about his character. When Nanami says "Gojo only cares about being the strongest" it's true because his entire character is written around the statement "I am the strongest". He is conceptually about what it is like to be the strongest man in existence. That is the character concept, and Gojo's entire identity crisis revolves around that he's built up his personality around being the strongest at Jujutsu and nothing else.

Gojo can only fight for his own ego and self satisfaction as Nanami says, because he has nothing else, he has no identity outside of that.

However, before I get into why I want to point out that Gojo is not normal. It's not because someone on his power level is fundamentally incapable of relating to other people, but Gojo himself...is not right in the head. He's making an active decision to choose not to empathize with people whatsoever, it's not just that it's hard to understand him, it's that they can't understand him.

Gojo talks about his students like they're members of another species. They're flowers. They can't relate to him on a human level because he's something other than human. A friend had an interesting reading on why specifically it's flowers Gojo chose for his metaphor.

Plants are less sentient than insects, they don't contemplate anything they are just taken care of by their gardener and grow towards the sun. That's how differently he sees himself from others.

I wanted to include this take from @kaibutsushidousha as well.

Gojo's not from the planet mars he's a human who has human emotions and human psychology like everyone else, so that's simply not true, but Gojo believes it is and that belief influences how he interacts with everyone.

Gojo can't see himself reflected back in other people for some reasons that aren't his fault and some reasons that are. Gojo has been from birth, treated as different from everyone around him, not for anything he really did but because he was born with a really strong jujutsu ability. He's a literal chosen one. He always seen as the six eyes user, the strongest, before he was seen as a person. His entire life has been defined entirely by the abilities he was born with, he was born to be a Jujutsu Sorcerer so of course that's what he builds his entire identity around.

Not only is he told that he's categorically different from others, but he also believes it. We know little about his early childhood besides Gege's statements that he was spoiled, but we do see later on in childhood there are people who are willing to treat Gojo normally despite the position he has as the strongest. This is when it starts being Gojo's fault that he continues to see himself as different from other people.

Shoko, Gojo's closest confidante in his schooldays after Geto's days basically tells him that. She's been with him for years and yet he still has the audacity to act like he's all alone in the world. Even when people try to treat Gojo normally and relate to him on a personal level, Gojo actively ignores their presence in his life like he did Shoko because he's not only been told he's different from other people because he's stronger, but he believes it and he's built his entire world view around it.

This is why the only person that Gojo ever let in was Geto, because Gojo believed that Geto was someone who could stand on top with others. THe only person who could believe the strongest, or teach them about love was someone equally as strong. Gojo just happening to meet another sorcerer who was special class as a teenager not only allowed him to have a friend, but fit perfectly into his narrative that he was separate from others and only someone as strong as him could understand. There are people like Shoko and Nanami who treat Gojo normally despite the fact he's the strongest, but Geto was the only one Gojo met in because he met the qualifiaction of being someone equally as strong.

This isn't really the case for Geto. Geto comes to see weak people as inferior yes in the sense he sees Non-Jujutsu Sorcerers as inferior, but Geto is capable of making connections to other Jujutsu Sorcerer. Geto has his family, he has Nanako and Mimiko and the rest of his followers who he all cares about equally. Geto met all of them and chose to relate to them, he even tells Gojo after killing his biological parents that he's choosing who his real family is now.

"It wouldn't be fair if I made an exception for my parents, now would it? Besides my family now consists of more than just them."

Geto demonstrates someone as powerful as Geto can make a choice to relate to other people. It's shown in the way that Geto treats Nanako and Mimiko, he is their father and he raised them as his daughters. Compared to how Megumi is just a student to Gojo. Gojo's only invested in making Megumi into a strong Jujutsu Sorcerer, because Gojo doesn't fathom connecting to someone weaker than him. He's only their to raise up a strong sorcerer, whereas Geto who's capable of connecting with people in other ways is raising up Nanako and Mimiko and they're connected as parent and child.

Geto and Gojo are similiar in a lot of ways, same level of strength comapred to the rest of humanity, same god complex (and yes it is a god coplex, there's a reason the two people Gojo relates to are Geto who has constant religious imagery associated with him and Sukuna who's literally satan) and yet Geto shows someone roughly Gojo's power level can make connections to others Gojo just chooses not to.

This is where I'm stealing from a friend's post a bit. @theanimepsychologist points out that Geto notices the beginnings of Gojo's identity complex soon after it started with Toji.

I always thought of the panel above as Geto being jealous of Gojo surpassing him in strength but, in retrospect, I think Geto’s disappointment had more to do with Gojo’s sense of self over-identifying with the title “the strongest” and how that made him harder to relate to, which is one of the main themes in this chapter. I’ll come back to this in a sec. But first… Quick depth psych segway. I think I’ve said this before, but it bears repeating again that an overwhelming sense of self is all ego. There’s nothing wrong with ego per se. The problem is that an over-identification with ego means inherent separateness because, as an organ of the psyche, the ego sense of self is what gives us a separate identity from the collective.

Geto notices that Gojo is drawing a line between himself and other people, and pulling away because of that because people in the second category of weak can't possibly understand the strong and he's reacting to it. Geto is also the only person to underline to Gojo himself that he's unsure about his own identity.

Gojo knows he's the strongest, but he doesn't know anything about himself besides that, or even what being the strongest entails in his relation to other people. He's never constructed an identity outside of it in part because he's never had to, nobody has ever challenged him for his title as the strongest, and he also fits jujutsu society's mould perfectly. He's perfect at what he does, why would he need to change? Why would a person who reached enlightenment at seventeen need to reflect upon himself or figure out who he is? You can't really become more enlightened.

The other reason he's never constructed an identity is he's never interacted with anyone on equal terms. Metaphorically Gojo exists in a vacuum of human interaction. How appropriate is it in a way that he was sealed in a box where time didn't move completely alone for who knows how long, because that's kind of just how Gojo sees himself in relation to the rest of the world.

As Psycho points out an unregulated ego results in an inherent separateness from the collective. People don't exist in a vacuum however. We wouldn't know who we are if we were entirely alone. We are defined just as much as ourselves, as we are by our interaction with others.

Ich and Du, translated as I and Thou is a book by philosopher Martin Buber. His two main porositions is that we may address existence in two ways:

The attitude of the "I" towards "it" towards an object that is separate in itself, which we either use or experience.

The attitude of "I" towards "Thou" in a relationship in which the other is not separated by discrete bounds.

I -> It is the world of sensations. If I am looking at a chair, I say "This is a chair. This chair is an eyesore." I am seeing the chair. I don't relate to the chair.

I -> Thou can be used to refer to a relationship between human beings. You don't experience the human being., you can only relate to them and what that relationship means to you. He goes on further to say that love requires a subject -> subject relationship. To love someone means you have to relate to them as if they are another being, you can't love an object.

He's a philosopher to put forward that it's human's connections with each other and their ability to relate to each other that brings meaning to life. Gojo in Buber's terms is only experiencing the world around him, not relating to it. How appropriate of someone with the six-eyes, an ability that gives him sight far better than anyone else to see himself as only an observer to the outside world, like a floating pair of eyes.

The choice that Gojo makes not to relate to other human beings on an equal level, not only isolates him, it affects his sense of self. People cannot exist within a background. Gojo's like a vampire who can't see his own reflection. ? It's all because of this caveat that Gojo himself has set up that no one can possibly relate to him unless they were equally as powerful as him that he can't see himself in others. He can't see himself in others, he can't find anyone to help him understand himself, and therefore his identity crisis goes unresolved.

Twitter user @ det_critics pointed this out that the question: "Take away his strength and what is he?" isn't one Gojo has an answer for, and one he's actively been running from.

As I said Gojo literally doesn't have a reflection, we see that in story when the prison realm opens its eye and it's just a void where Gojo's face is supposed to be. Gojo choosing not to think of himself as the strongest is also a choice not to think about who he'd be if he wasn't. A question he evades over and over again by telling himself that he can't be understood by people who are weak b/c he categorically exists on a different plane of reality.

When he does look for an answer it's telling just how not normal Gojo is in who he chooses to empathize with: which is Sukuna.

This is who Gojo as chosen to be the only other person besides Gojo he felt he could relate to. The same person who monologues about weak people like this.

The same person who monologues that weak people shouldn't even be alive, they should be culled. Sukuna sees weak people as insects. Gojo sees them as plants.

The first person that Gojo relates to as a subject rather than an object Geto is cut short, the next person he relates to as a subject is Sukuna of all people. He chooses to see himself in Sukuna, because Sukuna validates that incorrect idea Gojo has that someone as powerful as him could never possibly be understood by other people. After all, Sukuna the strongest sorcerer of all time isn't even really human anymore, he's a curse a calamity. For Gojo who doesn't see himself as relatable to other human beings this is validation of that mistaken notion.

It's also telling of how much Gojo's own identity issues have warped him that he finds a curse personally relatable, and even pitiable because it's lonely. Sukuna, who's main problem is that he's bored because a life of killing people is unfulfilling and it's turned him into an adrenline junkie. This is who Gojo's personally chosen to relate to because they both only see the world in the category of "the strong" and "the weak."

Gojo's viewpoint of other people is mistaken for several reasons, but one interesting one was pointed out for me by Psycho. He refers to his students as flowers, but they're lotus flowers. Lotus flowers mean many things, but they're seen as symbols of purity because they rise up from the mud. Gojo is only looking at the flowers, not the mud they rise from .

"No mud, no lotus. The mud is what makes us who we are, and no one can 100% understand what wading through the mud feels like. I think people see oh shiny lotus, the outcome of wading through the mud but they overlook the self because we live in an outcome oriented society.

Gojo is someone who doesn't see the mud and therefore doesn't relate to the personal struggles of others. Which sabotages a lot of his personal relationships. Which like, to bring Megumi into this, Megumi is proof that Gojo IS NOT NORMAL.

Megumi is the kind of special genius that Gojo is, he's born with the strongest technique one capable of killing Gojo, but he doesn't become a special class at seventeen like Gojo, nor is he interested in doing that because Megumi is an entirely different person with differnt personal struggles than Gojo. He has all the raw potenital that Gojo does, but they have wildly different upbringings. Gojo was primed for success by being the spoiled child of his clan, while Megumi is an abandoned child. It proves again Gojo's maxim of people who have that much power are inhuman and don't follow human psychology is wrong because Megumi has all the potential to be as strong as Gojo, but he's just a normal kid. Megumi is still wading through the mud and Gojo doesn't see that.

GOJO IS NORMAL

Jujutsu Kaisen seems to be following Buber's logic on how identity is defined by the interactions we have with other people, because there was a period in Gojo's life where he did create an identity outside of being a sorcerer and that's when he was Geto's friend.

In the afterlife we even see him regressing to that previous state of being. There was a period for three years in his life that Gojo was something besides being the strongest, and that was when he was Geto's friend too. If Jujutsu Kaisen is about how identity and meaning are both constructed from the interactions we have with other people (subject -> subject) interactions then it's telling that Gojo reverts to his seventeen year old self because that was the first and only time in his life he was capable of relating to another person, and acted like a fully developed person outside of the role of sorcerer he was born to play.

If identities are constructed though that means they're not inherent. Gojo is not inherently the strongest, just as he's not inherently different from other people. This is different from what Gojo's been told his entire life. He was born the strongest. It's inherent to his identity, a fundamental part of who he is. Therefore people who are strong are inherently different from those who are weak, it's something internally different about them which makes it impossible for Gojo to comprehend the motivations of weak people.

Rather than just strong and weak being constructed categories. Gojo's the strongest at Jujutsu but if you took him outside of Jujutsu and asked him to work any other job he'd no longer be the strongest. He's only the strongest as long as he remains in his fish bowl that is Jujutsu Society. However, Gojo believes differently, he believes being the strongest is what he is, it's something inside of him, and something that makes him fundamentally different from others. This is the line that Gojo has been told due to being born with the six-eyes and this is what Gojo has bought.

This is also what his ability the limitless symbolizes, no one in this world can touch him or reach him, he exists somewhere else. However, the limitless can be breached and Gojo has been shown before there are others capable of touching him.

Toji is the first and only living human being to challenge him, until Sukuna comes along. However, Toji does arguably more in story than just give Gojo a good fight. Toji full on traumatized him, soemthing which Gojo refuses to acknowledge. Toji is the beginning of the end of Geto's friendship, the death of Amanai Riko sends Geto on a spiral for an entire years, and drives a wedge between Geto and Gojo's friendship when Geto self isolates and Gojo doesn't know what's wrong with his friend.

Gojo also experiences what it's like to be defeated for the first time in his life, and his response is to perfect the limitless so he runs it constantly all the time. Remember, before that he was exhausting it doing it for three days in a row, and when Geto told him to take a break Gojo reassured him he wasn't worried because he knew Geto had his back. Gojo was someone who could let down the limitless before that, but afterwards Gojo always insists on fighting alone with his shields up all the time. All to deny that feeling of vulnerability that Toji inflicted on him for the first time in his life, something he remembers years later, you know like trauma.

There are times when Gojo is reminded that it's possible he's the same as anyone else, he can experience human weakness. Geto's fall is another time, one post says it's particularly challenging for Gojo to comprehend why Geto would defect because he saw Gojo and himself as above others and therefore immune to human weakness.

gojou 100% has a god complex and thats why getous downfall hit him harder than anyone else. he saw himself and getou as above everyone else and exempt from ‘regular’ peoples flaws, he never thought either of them could be led astray and when getou finally snaps hes bewildered that something like that could ever happen to either of them. hes not just heartbroken over his best friend becoming an enemy, hes thrown for a loop because getou, the one person he thinks of as just as above everyone else and incapable of failing as he is, could ever do something wrong, could ever be wrong. hes finally put into a position where he has to face the fact that hes just as capable of screwing up as anyone else and he can’t make sense of it. gojous hesitance in killing getou isn’t just a byproduct of their friendship, it’s also him realizing that it could have easily been him on the other side of the conflict, which breaks the illusion of him being better than everyone for a second. and like that’s still not enough for him to reject this idea, personally i think that his comment about him and getou being 'the strongest’ in volume 0 is indicative of the fact that despite everything he still hasn’t grown out of this delusion.

Gojo has trauma, because he's a human being with human psychology. He makes mistakes, he has terrible past regrets like his friendship with Geto gone wrong, but he doesn't acknowledge those things because as stated above Gojo thinks he's immune to having regular people flaws. Gojo seeing himself in another category from regular human beings also allows himself to deny an vulnerability, because the strongest isn't supposed to have weaknesses. Seeing yourself as too distant to ever be touched by others also means they can never hurt you, emotionally or otherwise, an extreme form of the hedgehog's dilemna which is explored an Neon Gengesis Evangelion, an existentialist piece Gege takes obvious inspiration from.

The fact that he avoids other human beings, not because he's fundamentally incapable of understanding them but because he's distancing himself from human feelings like loss, pain, suffering these weaknesses that are part of the human experience just proves he's the same as everyone else. If he wasn't capable of feeling those things he wouldn't avoid it, he wouldn't spend ten years mourning Suguru but not killing him directly until he was forced to on December 24th, he wouldn't be trapped by the box because seeing Geto alive made him have a three minute long trauma flashback.

Gojo is a normal human, with normal human emotions and human psychology, albeit twisted from the power he was born with and his unique viewpoint of the world but he doesn't believe that he is. He uses that as an excuse not to interact with others and because of this his identity suffers. Gojo is someone defined by how limited he is in the story despite having limited power.

Gojo fails as much in the story as he succeeds. As my friend @justapanda put it.

"But, it loos like being strong isn't enough..." Another point could also be made here that, regardless of being the strongest at this point, Gojo was incapable of stopping his closest friend from straying down a dark path, which is perhaps Gojo’s greatest failing in the series. This failure also comes back to bite him much later on as Kenjaku’s ace in the hole to finally checkmate Gojo involved surprising him with the now possessed body of Geto, which distracted Gojo long enough for him to be successfully sealed by the prison realm. Once again, the vast amount of power that Gojo had attained turned out to be completely useless in preventing his own sealing, which has now placed him in an inactive role for over half of Jujutsu Kaisen’s duration. Earlier in the story, Gojo once said: “Ironic, isn’t it? Given everything, but unable to do anything.” when referring to the function of his own domain. This was another intentional use of foreshadowing to describe the dilemma that Gojo was inevitably going to face himself. Satoru Gojo is no limitless man, for no one man is without his limits." Another point could also be made here that, regardless of being the strongest at this point, Gojo was incapable of stopping his closest friend from straying down a dark path, which is perhaps Gojo’s greatest failing in the series. This failure also comes back to bite him much later on as Kenjaku’s ace in the hole to finally checkmate Gojo involved surprising him with the now possessed body of Geto, which distracted Gojo long enough for him to be successfully sealed by the prison realm. Once again, the vast amount of power that Gojo had attained turned out to be completely useless in preventing his own sealing, which has now placed him in an inactive role for over half of Jujutsu Kaisen’s duration. Earlier in the story, Gojo once said: “Ironic, isn’t it? Given everything, but unable to do anything.” when referring to the function of his own domain. This was another intentional use of foreshadowing to describe the dilemma that Gojo was inevitably going to face himself. Satoru Gojo is no limitless man, for no one man is without his limits.

Gojo has moments where he brushes up against the idea that he's not capable of doing everything, that he has faults and fails like every other human being. However, that feeling never really lasts for long. He always tends to double down on his belief that he's the strongest rather than facing his faults because that's where he's comfortable. Gojo can't see himself reflected in other people and therefore is not capable of reflecting and critically evaluating his faults. Not only that but avoiding looking too critically at those losses, he also stops himself from feeling the pain of those losses and denies that vulnerability.

Gojo exists on another plane from other human beings, and therefore why would he experience human sadness and pain? All he feels is a vague sense of loneliness and unfulfillment because he's been so alienated from his own emotions and in Gojo's mind that's better than struggling with weakness. Who would deliberately choose to be just like everyone else when you can be special? Why get close to others when the hedgehog's spines are just going to stab you? However, people form connections because of their weaknesses. Humans cooperate with each other because they are a social species. All of society exists because people divide labor and help each other out. Even Gojo can't say there's no point in his life where he was weak, because he was cared for as a child and raised in a family. He didn't come out of the womb a fully formed individual. The darwinian survival of the fittest, and the black and white strong vs. weak way that Gojo sees the world just doesn't exist, especially in modern society. There's nothing wrong with individualism, but the extreme end of individualism is wrong because no one exists in this world alone you share it with everyone else.

Gojo doesn't even see that though, because he's not living in the same world as everyone else. In his mind the limitless makes it so he basically exists on another plane of reality, but again the limitless can be breached.

Detective critics basically said that Gojo's delusion was always a false one, he always existed in the same world as everyone else, he simply deluded himself into believing otherwise. There are reasons for this, his upbringing, trauma and not wanting to face the pain of that trauma, but it's still a choice he made. Gojo didn't want to live for other people, he didn't want to relate for them, so he lived for himself pursuing his own strength. Ironically, it reflects Toji's own decision to take pride in neither himself or others and live only for the sake of showing that the Jujutsu World that rejected him was wrong.

Toji chose to live a life where he only lived to fight and prove he was stronger than the sorcerers who rejected him. He chose it over his own son Megumi, abandoning him in order to continue his lifestyle as a mercenary. He even chose it over continuing to live because he stayed and fought against Gojo to prove he was stronger than the pinnacle of Jujutsu. Toji lives for strength, and he is someone even Gojo respected the strength of, but what else does he have?

Toji's identity is unstable, he doesn't really live for any purpose, he kills people then blows the money gambling, he jumps from women to women to mooch off of them, he's also mentally unstable as well he shoots a little girl in the back of the head and feels nothing. The instability comes from his isolation, Toji is rejected by everyone the same way that Gojo is lauded by everyone. But Toji goes on step further in that he fails to construct any identity outside of being rejected and his entire life is spent rejecting the people who rejected him. Why does Toji want to be strong, he doesn't know. Purpose is something you have to construct for yourself, because there's no inherent meaning to life. Identity is something that's constructed by both yourself and your interactions with others because people aren't born inherently one thing or the other.

Gojo and Toji just refuse to do this, and only focus on themselves and the goal of being stronger. In Gojo's case I'd argue he doesn't fight for other people because he doesn't feel that connection with other people or rather he doesn't let himself. Hedgehog's dilemna to the extreme. Gojo only fighting for himself isn't Nanami calling him a selfish person who doesn't care about others, it's sad because Gojo never found any other reason to fight or meaning to his life but by getting stronger for its own sake.

Gojo only fights for the sake of satisfying himself, but here's the clincher, he's unsatisfied. Not only did he fail in his goal of giving Sukuna the fight of his life, because he knew Sukuna was holding back on him, but also admits to Geto that what would have really been satisfying is if Geto was there with him to pat him on the back.

He's failed on both fronts, he's failed at being the strongest and he's failed at making a connection to the people in his life. Gojo and Toji die in pretty much the same way, they die standing up in the middle of battle, but their last thoughts aren't of disappointment that they lost but their loved ones.

They spent their entire lives believing they were stronger and therefore different than others, and fighting to satisfy their ego and what does it amount to? Toji lived a life of hedonism and then died abandoning the one person he genuinely loved. Gojo has failed his stated goal of revolutionizing Jujutsu Society and dies before he can see whether or not his dream of a reset Jujutsu World will even come to fruition.

They belived they were someone stronger and therefore inherently better, and are put in their place when someone stronger comes along. They die just like all the other mortals. They believed they were alone so they died alone. It's sad and it goes to show how destructive being "the strongest" was to Gojo's identity in the end. Gojo thinks he's Sukuna but Gojo doesn't want to be Sukuna, because Sukuna's alone, and unlike Gojo you could make the point that Sukuna's not a human being who has human emotions because he's a curse. If Gojo was truly someone who could understand Sukuna he would have been truly alone the same way Sukuna is, and that's not what he wanted.

It's too bad Gojo never thought seriously about what he wanted, and therefore learned his lesson too late. He was always looking for someone he could relate to, except for in the people who were right in front of him.

[beanghostprincess]

TW // Suicidal behavior/tendencies

The ASL brothers deal with suicidal tendencies constantly in different ways and I find it so interesting how little the three of them value their lives for completely different reasons.

Ace is obvious from the very beginning. He has been constantly told that he shouldn't have existed. That he should die. That he is not worthy of living. His whole identity was a secret from the rest of the world because if they knew, they would want him dead. But he knows already that people want him dead, so, whatever. He can't take love from others. And it is not he is actively trying to kill himself but he doesn't value his life at all. At least not until he meets Sabo and Luffy. And he still doesn't value his life much, but he realizes there are people who want him alive. And it is hard for him to believe it, but they do. Ace's journey is a tragedy because he keeps asking himself if he should be alive, constantly fighting against it because he genuinely thinks he shouldn't have existed, and then dying in the arms of his little brother and thanking him for loving him. And he dies because he is too proud and stubborn and it was just obvious that his recklessness would end up killing him somehow. It was not a conscious action but-- Ace knew he was dying that day. Which is extremely sad because he realized he wanted to live seconds before he was killed.

Sabo is just too focused on saving the world. He puts the greater good before him constantly because he quite literally has never known any better. He joined the revs with no memories and no purpose and only hatred for the ones with power. He was raised with love and friends there but-- There is only so much you can do in a place where they teach kids specific ideals and what they should do. And Sabo is happy there and more than glad to be of service, but he doesn't value his life at all. He constantly puts himself in danger, ever since he was a kid, to fight for others. And not even others as 'specific people' but just society and his ideals as a whole. Like he would rather die and kill if that spreads the revolution around. He genuinely doesn't care about dying if he is able to help the cause. I mean-- I think it does change when he meets Luffy again (he is canonically still reckless af okay this is self-indulgent) and realizes he can't let his brother lose him again. But still, he keeps on not valuing his life at all and acting without thinking things through.

Luffy is quite obvious, isn't it? It's not that he doesn't value his life, but he values his life around others. He is a person whose core need is to be with people. He was left alone at a very young age. Dragon left him with Garp and Garp, aside from being an awful role model, wasn't even there much and left the kid alone. The only role model he had was Shanks and he was going away constantly too. Uta basically disappeared from his life out of the blue without explanation. So when he finds Sabo and Ace it is normal that he gets heavily attached to them right away. When he is kidnapped and tortured he doesn't say a word about their treasure because he doesn't want to get in between their dream which-- Is another story. He values people's dreams even above his own life too. But there is also this layer of "If I break the promise of not telling people they will not want me" and it is just-- Pretty fucking sad. Like. Luffy's need to be around people and not lose the ones he loves comes from abandonment issues. Plain and crystal clear. He puts his life in danger constantly to not lose people and when he is alone he doesn't see any reason to keep going. He always finds something, of course, but being alone for him is quite obviously worse than death and he has had those types of thoughts/tendencies before. That is why I love the Baron Omatsuri movie so damn much. It is basically this whole thing.

Ace and Sabo are pretty similar when it comes to not valuing their lives and acting recklessly, but Ace is more on the 'I should not be alive' side of suicidal thoughts and Sabo is more on the 'I don't care if I die' side of self-destructive tendencies. While Luffy is on the 'There is no point in living if I am alone' side of abandonment issues.

I don't mean to go anywhere with this, btw. I just find it interesting how the three of them value their lives so little and end up forming a little family together. They found comfort and love in each other and I think their damaging tendencies keep existing because they are not together anymore. Like. Genuinely. In a Modern AU where the three of them are together their mental health would be so much better because of being next to each other. Ace would struggle with his self-worth but would be constantly reminded every day that he is loved, Sabo would overwork himself but they'd keep him from it being actually damaging, and Luffy would just not be alone at all.

[genericpuff]

Okay, what was up with the "I'm with stupid" SpongeBob episode?

is this like a rhetorical question or are you asking for me to actually get into it lol because i absolutely will, here we go-

CW: discussions of ableism

honestly it's just one of those season 1-3 episodes that hasn't aged as well as all the others. like so much of seasons 1-3 are bangers, they often still hold up really well 20 years later and even the 'weaker' episodes are still solid and someone's favorite that they will fight to the death to defend

but the "I'm With Stupid" episode is genuinely the tarnish on that record because it's just. mean-spirited torturing and gaslighting of spongebob the whole way through. it's both foreshadowing of the declining quality of Spongebob that , at the time, we didn't know was coming (we know now) and foreshadowing of Patrick's character being devolved into the "big mean and dumb bully" archetype that comes around S4-5.

like for anyone who hasn't watched this episode or doesn't remember it, it's the one where patrick's parents are visiting and he's stressing out because his parents always treat him like an idiot (and we do know patrick isn't characterized as being "conventionally intelligent", but he's still a great guy throughout the first 3 seasons, he loves his friends, is the ultimate chill guy, and really he's just total ND vibes for anyone who remembers being that "not conventionally intelligent" kid growing up so I can def 100% understand the premise of this episode as someone who was that kid lmao)

and spongebob offers to help his friend out by sigh pretending to be stupid to make patrick look smarter by comparison

and i'm sure you can see where i'm going with this when i say this episode hasn't aged well

like it immediately starts on the wrong foot with the whole premise of spongebob playing the "protective helmet dummy" act which is just a cruel stereotype of disabled and neurodivergent individuals.

but then as it goes on, patrick basically weaponizes spongebob's idea against him by actually being mean to him the same way his own parents would (and yes his "parents" are cruel right out the gate to patrick, but then immediately shift focus to spongebob as the target once he arrives and puts on the "dumb person" act.)

is this resolved in any actually meaningful way? maybe something like the Squirrel Jokes episode where Spongebob gets rightfully called out by Sandy for making stereotypical jokes about squirrels which is a metaphor for jokes that punch down on girls/minorities/etc.?

nope, not at all. spongebob eventually gets so (rightfully) fed up with the bullying that he decides he's not gonna go along with it anymore esp when he offered to do this to help his FRIEND and that's now clearly being taken advantage of at his own expense. So he approaches the parents as his 'normal' self (ugh sorry i just hate using that word in this context) where he explains that he's not actually an 'idiot', he can do math and even knows how to do his own laundry (sigh, again, incredibly ableist). and how do patrick and his "parents" respond? oh right, they gaslight him and escalate the bullying. the parents don't believe that spongebob was putting on an act and just assume patrick "taught" him how to say the things he's saying to defend himself. which i don't even have to explain is just another level of mean-spirited because this is an ACTUAL THING that happens to neurodivergent / disabled children, their needs aren't taken seriously by the adults around them and because they're often seen as purely the stereotypes of their disabilities, they're talked down to and mistreated just because they don't function the same way that neurotypicals do in a society that's designed for neurotypicals.

anyways, spongebob is literally driven into a meltdown by the parents and patrick gaslighting him, and he runs home crying. that is the last that we see of him in the episode.

and then the "parents" happen to say their names out loud to each other and that's when patrick realizes they're... not his real parents. and the parents go "oh duh, that's right, we don't have a son!"

and that's it. that's the resolution to the episode. there is no moral, it tries to "get back" at patrick and his shitty fake parents by being like "haha see! they're stupid!!" but it just ??? doesn't at all make up for the 10 minutes of manipulating and abusing and gaslighting spongebob???

like up until this point in the show, the one who's usually on the end of the abuse is Squidward, sometimes Mr. Krabs, but both of them are often at the end of some kind of physical comedy as karma. Mr. Krabs is a scummy greedy capitalist, so of course anything that happens to him after he's done something awful is karmic justice in the form of an anti-capitalist metaphor that's funny for children and satisfying for the adults re-watching Squid on Strike who go, "OMG Mr. Krabs is unfair!" Of course because it's a serialized kid's show, it does have to go back to the status quo at the end of each episode so nothing can really come of Squidward dismantling oppression board by board (Spongebob is literally us when we were 6 btw, "Gee, IDK what Squidward's talking about, but he sure sounds convincing" which is just genius writing lol), but even episodes like Squid on Strike and Selling Out have incredibly timeless and STILL APPLICABLE MESSAGES about late stage capitalism and the death of small businesses under the weight of massive, predatory corporations that, if anything, have only aged BETTER over time because now the 6 year olds who watched that back in the 2000's are adults and living the reality that Squidward was living in.

and then ofc when it comes to Squidward, well, it's usually also karma after he took things too far in his cynical opposition to Spongebob's childhood wonder. In a lot of ways, Squidward is simultaneously an empathetic reflection of the adults who have had to survive under the oppression of capitalism, many of them giving up their hopes and dreams to do so; but also a grim reminder that if we're not careful and don't appreciate the little things that bring us joy, we too can become jaded and oppressive to the next generation.

there's a lot in the older Spongebob episodes that's a lot more counter-culture than people give it credit for (unsurprising though considering Stephen Hillenburg himself was a Gen X'er and many shows pioneered by Gen X'ers throughout the 80's and 90's were writing from a comically cynical point of view, like they hated capitalism and the boomers too, this shit runs deep LOL) making it a way more progressive show than many people give it credit for because on the surface, it's just that dumb kids show with the annoying laughing sponge.

nothing about I'm with Stupid is counter-culture or fighting for the "little guys" like so many other episodes do. whether it was a blind spot on Hillenburg's end or another writer on the staff who was severely misinformed, the entire episode shows its age in the most exhausting, uncomfortable, ableist way, by stringing together 11 excruciating minutes of gaslighting and manipulating a normally positive and endearing character who was just trying to help their friend, with no closure or apology towards said character, and no resolution or message in the end about how treating people differently based on their perceived intelligence is wrong and cruel. I feel like somewhere under all the mean-spirited attempts at "jokes", there was some fringe message about how right-wing assholes will look for lesser targets to "punch down on" or use manipulation tactics to make their victims appear weak by poking them in all the right places, but it's lost in the mishandling of the episode's overall structure where it spends the majority of time playing into disability / neurodivergent stereotypes for comedy, bullying a character who did nothing wrong, and then hastily resolves itself by leaving the message at "welp, at least Spongebob isn't as stupid as Patrick and his parents!"

this turned into a longer and more introspective post than I had planned, but man, I was genuinely shocked when I rewatched that episode for the first time in ages and realized it had come out during the seasons 1-3 era which has, y'know, the episodes that are still the most popular to this day 20 years later and contain the majority of every Spongebob meme template out there (of which there are a LOT).

Like I swear to god I always remembered this episode being part of the sort-of-later era, like shortly after the movie came out but before it became entirely mean-spirited in its comedy post-Hillenburg. But nope, I'm With Stupid accompanies Procrastination, one of my own personal favorite episodes from that era because it perfectly encapsulates the ADHD experience, both of which aired in 2001, three years before the Spongebob movie which is when most people agree that Spongebob 'peaked'.

I was just so stunned by that because most episodes of that seasons 1-3 era are generally so positive and equalizing between the varied characters, and when that balance is thrown off, it's usually for the sake of sending a message about being kind and accepting to one another. Shit, Sandy is someone whose entire characterization revolves around her being conventionally intelligent, she literally built a rocketship to fly to the moon, and yet in the very first episode where she meets Spongebob, as soon as she finds out Spongebob couldn't breathe without water, she doesn't make fun of him, she doesn't chastise him for lying to her, she simply accommodates him and Patrick by giving them fishbowls to wear on their heads whenever they want to visit her in her home, which we always see them wearing in subsequent episodes when they go to visit her (at worst she says "you could have asked" in response to their need for water, but in her defense, they gave her the impression they knew what air was and it does make a point about how we need to all play our role in both sides of the conversation so people can express their needs without feeling like a "nuisance"); and we always see her going out and interacting with her friends in Bikini Bottom in her suit, which people don't make fun of her for, until at the earliest the Squirrel Jokes episode which, again, see above, her getting made fun of by Spongebob and everyone in town is meant to serve as a message not to pick on people for their differences.

And no , I'm not saying all this as some nostalgic Spongebob fan, I'm saying this as someone who both watched the shit out of Spongebob as a kid AND as an adult, who regularly rewatches their favorite episodes from the earlier era of the show, has almost all of those season 1-3 episodes memorized line for line (even the ones I don't watch as often anymore), and is currently doing a binge watch of every episode from S1-3. I hadn't watched I'm with Stupid in a long time. Maybe that was for a good reason 😒💀

[whetstonefires]

Very fun thing actually about Jin Guangyao is he spent so much time and energy passing himself off as normal. The Normalest Guy, Look How Normal I Am. The Very Best And Most Skilled At Normal Things, Like Being Normal And Having Normal Opinions.

Which is great because on the one hand it reflects how he was kind of aware he absolutely was not. (And that by default this isolated him and this was Very Unsafe.) But on the other you see, with all the times he falls into the typical mind fallacy under stress and projects weird shit onto people, he also on some level believed everyone was doing this.

That being a Normal Person who had Normal Reactions to things, like being appalled by brutal violence, was an elaborate social lie everyone had to maintain to keep up the facade of civil society, and actually everyone was basically the same as him deep down. He was just better at it, and also the smartest.

Which is a very long way to say his character arc is heavily tied up with his evolving relationship with and skills at masking. I'm not gonna armchair diagnose him because that's beside the point, the point is that he is trying so fucking hard to be normal, but without a particularly well-developed definition of what's abnormal about him to begin with, resulting in some misfires.

And then you contrast him to some other characters and it gets more fun. One of his direct foils is Nie Mingjue, who literally does not know how to mask at all, not the slightest bit, but is fortunate enough to have been born the exact kind of weirdo his position in life demands, with special interests in 'saber training' and 'destroying evil.'

(He explicitly, per narration from wwx being inside his head, has no other interests and doesn't really understand the idea of having more than one activity you care about, do not tell me Nie Mingjue is walking around with a normal brain.)

So he is (jgy has a point about this, although he actually makes it about the luxury of having moral compunctions) free to totally embrace the conviction that everyone should basically be their authentic selves at all times, and just not do evil things about it.

On the other hand, and this really illuminates their relationship for me, Lan Xichen is absolutely trying to be normal. Like, he does try to excel, he wants to be best and he knows he's good, but as a person he is also trying to be as normal as circumstances allow.

He understands 'being normal about things' as a goal not in jgy's terms as an elaborate social fiction but as aspirational shaping of the self; if everyone is normal about everything then there won't be needless conflict. Living as normally as possible will optimize your mental health and your respect for others, and it's just a good baseline from which to be good.

Which is fine as far as it goes, but means harmless eccentricity (including gay) is to be tolerated and swept under the rug rather than really supported, and prejudices him to instinctively side with Jin Guangyao and anyone else who is pushing for Let's Be Normal About This, even when the people being weird are in the right.

(This is also to a non-zero degree a trauma response behavior; what Lan Xichen experienced as the largest existential threat to him growing up was something along the lines of being perceived as a selfish disruptor of norms, like his father.)

And then contrast that to Jiang Cheng and Lan Wangji, who are both very concerned at least initially with how things and people and they themselves are supposed to be, and feel some responsibility for ensuring this supposed-to is reflected in reality.

But neither of them makes any particular attempt to be normal about it.

And then ofc Wei Wuxian, another jgy narrative foil, never attempts to pass himself off as normal. He will sell 'I'm better than everyone ever' and 'I'm scum of the earth' in the same breath before he will try for normal.

Except that he genuinely seems to think his most virtuous traits, his throw-himself-between-victim-and-weapon impulses, are basically normal. If not everyone (who isn't a total shithead) does it, it's because not everyone has his insane confidence they can pull it off.

Which in a good mood he would say is fair, because he is in fact awesome and really good at winning. (In a worse state of mind he would definitely hate on all the selfish cowards.)

Nie Huaisang is probably the most genuinely normal human being in the main cast, probably even more normal than Jiang Yanli, and he's very happy to play that up and present himself as actually even more normal and average than he is, in order to keep expectations down.

Up until his whole life gets fucked and this little pretense turns into the most elaborate and successful mask in the entire book.

[itsnothingofinterest]

Hey hope you're doing ok with the recent bnha discourse?

Still holding out hope for shigaraki/tenko and good writing 👍👍

Can I ask you, if you ever find it kind of off-putting (like I do) when some bnha fans commit to the idea that Deku and the other younger heroes will be the ones to change their society for the better, after the villains are killed?

As if purely heroic methods were really capable of changing hero society, when the very best that the innocent people in bnha have done from their constant protectors, the heroes, is toss the hero kids a shirt and some dollar store med. Items??

(To say nothing of the government corruption that came to be under All-might's nose, that Deku and the other heroes haven't thought about once.)

And they honestly believe that's the best outcome...

It feels either very optimistic or unknowing at best, and completely ignorant at worst.

Do you think so or differently?

Oh yeah, no I totally get what you mean; it kinda looks like we’re on course for a lot to get worse actually. And it all comes back to how poorly they handled the villains; both their talking points, and their failure to save them.

We just have not been given any indication that the next gen are going to do anything better than their predecessors; they're ending their arcs side by side with them as equals and partners after all.

Rather than improving things, they're basically a carbon copy of the last generation; which I feel is exemplified in how the final battle of this war ending in a retread of Kamino. Except like I said, in some areas it feels like it'll just get worse. This retread of Kamino ending not in an arrest, but in a murder; something I find very worrying given Deku's status as the next symbol (which, despite all criticism of All Might in the same roll, Deku has become anyway) because of the impact that'd have on treatment of villains by the heroes Deku inspires. Add in their treatment of Machia & their support of Hawks' handling of Twice and it just doesn't look good. Oh and if that same crowd gets wind of his status as 'The Greatest Hero Who Saves By Putting You Out Of Your Misery' that'll be even more catastrophic. (Especially once the Singularity doomsday starts up for real.)

Meanwhile, what little progress has been made on a societal level is either purely for the heroes benefits, like the civilians acting more grateful to the heroes (and as you say, the results of that are pretty middling, amounting to first aid & a shirt); or else maybe baby steps in the right direction like Shoji's answer to the heteromorph plot. Baby steps they do not have time for, mind you. And even then, that's still a 'maybe' because Shoji's not actually planning anything different from normal hero activity: just be inspiring and hope people follow your example. Meanwhile everything else societal that brought us here, corruption in the system, poor treatment or handing of quirks, general prejudice; it's all just gone unaddressed.

Probably because the points with which they used to be addressed, the League, instead got their plot points changed to revolve around motives more personal, less serious, less justifiable, and more easily addressable by the kids. Y'know; Toga's plot used to be about society's treatment of the other but then was about her wanting love, Dabi's was about people in power abusing their power but then was about him wanting attention, and Shigaraki's was about the lie of hero society and the complacency of the people it inspired, but Deku couldn't do anything about that so instead it because about Tenko's hatred towards his house. But then Deku still couldn't do anything about that so instead it became about Tenko's self-hated. And then Deku still couldn't address that either all too well, really, so we instead got 'It was AFO All Along'; and that Deku could handle with trivial ease. What self-respecting All Might clone couldn't punch AFO?

To use a metaphor I think Tomura would appreciate; it's like they all turned on easy mode, and Deku especially turned on baby mode, and it feels like we're all going to get the bad ending as a result of them skipping so many side-quests, dialogue trees, or special objectives. Personally speaking, any hope I had in things turning around was based in how the villains would be handled, both a) because I expected how they were handled would reflect how their societal motives would be handled(i.e. how Deku saved Tenko would inform us of how he'd save other Tenkos), and b) because I expected they'd need the help and perspective.

Needless to say, I've not been left with much hope that things will turn around.

So yeah, right there with you hoping Tomura could somehow come back, partially because that's the only part of this ending that feels salvageable even by his long-shot odds. But boy is the rest a mess of unfortunate implications beneath the veneer of how "The Day is Saved"...Man, Deku really is an All Might clone.

[lovesickeros]

can.. can I ask for an affectionate reader with characters who aren’t normally like… used to the love? like, not just through words but physical affection like hand-holding, kisses, hugs, all that shebang. probably with a few people like yelan, ei, basically any character that is either cut-off from society or seems socially distant or isolated. 😞

☆ affectionate reader with yelan, ei, & furina

[ 4.2 Archon Quest spoilers ]

× yelan

Varies between how you display your affection, to be honest. Just like being affectionate with people? She's cool with it as long as you don't pop by while she's working (mostly because she'll end up dragging you into it for a bit of fun). I don't think she's all that touchy feely herself, but she'll absolutely get you gifts instead– like pretty knick nacks? She'll make sure to snag any she thinks you might like. Like a good meal? Sure, she'll take you out to one of the restaurants in the city, doesn't matter how expensive. Her treat. If you do prefer physical gifts rather then being taken out, you'll eventually get used to the random unmarked letters and packages showing up where your staying pretty often. It's obvious to know who it came from even if she never signs anything.

Flirty reader, though? Whole nother can of worms and now it's a challenge. The more confident you are the more interested she is. The other acolytes would absolutely seethe at the idea but she has no hesitation at just straight up flirting back– she's as charismatic as they come and she's got a poker face that's basically impenetrable. She'll probably also make a bet to see who cracks first (she always wins, unsurprisingly). Probably won't get dragged into any of her schemes this way but if you ask politely maybe she'll consider it, anyway.

The smell of freshly brewed tea and the clatter of dice across wood was a common sight at the Yanshang Teahouse– less common was the woman secluded in the far corner, her lips pulled into a grin that flashed fangs and a look that would scare off the most confident of men.

She'd normally try to scope out any new blood that'd made the mistake of stepping into her teahouse and was equally stupid enough to accept a gamble against her just for the thrill of it, but she was far too absorbed in the warm body at her side, one of her die clasped tightly in their hand as she guided them through the motions– they had a knack for it, she had to admit. The thought made her preen, the clatter of the die as it rolled across the table giving her that subtle, familiar rush.

Even if she knew exactly where it'd land.

"Six. Hm, maybe you're just lucky," She muses, plucking the die from the table and holding it up to her eye like a prized jewel, "Or maybe you're not as innocent as you'd have us believe." There's a sharp glint in her eyes at the prospect, but everyone else has the sense to keep their heads down and their words to themselves as she tosses the die herself.

"So why don't we find out and make a bet, just between you and me?"

× ei

Varies between Ei and the Shogun, because you'll probably be seeing either as much as the other. Sometimes you gotta really squint to tell who it is sometimes, but you get used to it. Both are fairly similar, though, in that their first instinct (especially in public) is to tense up like you're about to attack them or something. Difference is Ei eventually relaxes after a solid minute of trying to process your sudden affection and, if no one else is around, she might even reciprocate. Just don't tease her for being a little stiff and awkward about it, she's trying. That's what happens when your only company is a robot and uh. Nothing. For like 500 years. She's trying. Raiden, on the other hand, is just about as awkward as you can imagine. She's polite (blunt) about it because Ei is fond of you and also you are. The Creator. But she's not really built to deal with personal relationships and so she doesn't know how to deal with affection.

..Depending on what you do you may or may not blue screen Ei hard enough that she retreats back to PoE

Ei usually isn't fond of sitting still, unless it's to meditate. At least then she goes in with a purpose, something to achieve– but now, she's just focused on trying not to make a fool of herself. Her muscles are starting to ache from how hard she's tensing, though, in an effort to sit as straight and still as possible as their hands glide through her hair, weaving it into a single braid.

She can just barely hear the subtle lilt of their voice as they hum– and though it is soothing, it is also..very distracting. She can't focus long enough to try and meditate, too lost in the gentle rise and fall of their voice and the care they take to braid her hair. If she'd had a heart, she'd sure it'd be beating so wildly against her ribcage they could hear it.

But then it stops– their hands fall back to their sides and their humming falters. She freezes, too, racking her brain for any slights she must have committed. Instead, she is met with a calm, tender touch on the back of her neck, making her inhale sharply.

"Am I making you uncomfortable, Ei? You're so tense.." She has to grit her teeth to stop herself from bowing so low her head presses against the ground, her hands folded in her lap, clenching instinctively. "..No, Divine One." She answers simply, trying to contain the adoration swelling in her chest.

Yet as much as she tries to relax, to ease their worries, she finds that she cannot.

"Hm." That small murmur, a simple sound that nearly made her jump, was the only warning she got before they scooted closer, wrapping their arms around her stomach and resting their chin on her shoulder with a grin she would liken to Miko's, if she dared to make such a comparison. "Really?"

She swears she must've been feverish at the affection, lightheaded and dazed until she thought she might simply perish at the brush of their hands against her own.

Much to her embarrassment, however, she doesn't realize she's instinctively pulled back into Plane of Euthymia until she sees the familiar dull purples engulf her vision once again.

Though only a small solace, it seemed a little..brighter, this time.

× furina

Varies between pre 4.2 and post 4.2 archon quests to be honest.

Pre 4.2 she comes off as very vain– of course the most Divine would see fit to spoil her with affection! She deserves it, and is obviously their favorite! Just don't look too hard because she's terrible at hiding how flustered she actually is. Absolutely goes home right after and screams into her pillow for at least thirty minutes minimum.

Post 4.2 she's a lot more openly bashful and flustered. She's really not used to affection and even the smallest show of it has her folding immediately. Now that she doesn't need to worry about being found out she's a lot more receptive to affection. Cup her cheeks and compliment her and her knees are buckling. Like. Especially weak for compliments and praise (she deserves it. please spoil her).

She swears she must be hallucinating– she had been having trouble sleeping recently. But..no. The visage of the Creator was as real as the sweat beading on her brow as she stared at them for a long, awkward moment. Should..she let them in? But then they'd see the pathetic state she was in, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a fool of herself in front of them-!

Her choice was quickly made for her, anyway, as she let out an undignified squeak of surprise when they suddenly tugged her forward into their chest, enclosing her in a hug.

Her first reaction was to freeze– her second was becoming absolutely flustered, her cheeks flushing a soft pink and her mouth closing and opening as she tried to find her words.

"I– ah..um." She stumbled over her words instead, floundering like a fish out of water. Yet she felt a distinct sense of emptiness wash over her when they finally pulled back, looking a touch sheepish. "Sorry, sorry– you just looked like you needed a hug."

The silence spoke for itself, her shoulders tensing slightly. But the way the concern and affection bled through their voice made her waver, her hands trembling as she let out a shaky breath that almost sounded like a sigh.

"It's..It's fine! Fine, I'm fine." She repeated, trying desperately to ignored the way her voice cracked and how hot her face felt– though it was more an attempt to affirm herself that she was not thinking about how warm they felt, how much she..actually enjoyed the hug. She wasn't thinking about it all! Absolutely not!

..Maybe a little.

"Just warn me next time, please?"

[hyperfixatedbean]

Why I think Eddie Diaz is autistic !

(As an autistic individual)

- Struggle with emotional expression:

He often struggles to express emotions, particularly in his relationship with women, (look at the way he acted with Sharon, Ana and Marisol, never communicating clearly, or doing it VERY straightforwardly (-> “you should go”)

He struggle with articulating his feelings, to name his emotions and process them (seemingly alexithymia) and he close off a lot, even with his therapist !

- Literal Thinking:

He tend to interpret language literally, (interactions with his colleagues and fast problem-solving, keeping a cool head under very stressful situations, the way he react to jokes, the way he doesn’t believe and ‘judge’ the way they fear superstitions, only believing what he can prove)

It seems to me like he experiences challenges with understanding figurative language or sarcasm and only believe what is proven, he’s very closed off about the idea of superstition which can be seen in some autistic people who struggle with theses concept

And he can be really straightforward (see the “you should go home Ana” or the “last time he wore that was at his mom’s funeral”) -> stating facts straightforwardly without processing it first and without realizing how stating it like that can be ‘awkward’ to others

- Meltdowns and Coping Mechanisms:

He experiences moments of intense frustration and resorts to unhealthy coping mechanisms (-> fights and destroying his room, hurting himself and other in the process (as in a lot of autistic meltdown and the way a lot of us turn to violent coping mechanisms to fight against sensory overload and the complexity of understanding our own emotions -> resorting to violence)

He parallels experiences of sensory overload and regulation, also his panic attacks and the way he avoid addressing his trauma and feelings by brushing it off and ignoring his own mental health, struggling to understand his own feelings about what he’s experiencing

- Difficulty with Trauma and Normalcy:

His reluctance to address trauma and persistent efforts to appear "normal."

It reflects challenges faced by autistic ppl in processing traumatic experiences and blending in with neurotypical society (force conformism and such)

There’s something about the way he and his father approach emotions, keeping it hidden and close off, that resonates a lot with my own experiences as someone autistic raised by someone who’s (probably) autistic too ‼️

+ the way he quickly connect with Buck exemplifies the ‘neurodivergent link’ : ADHD and autism solidarity is a reality ! Neurodivergent people tend to feel more secure, comfortable and friendly with other neurodivergent individuals!!

He basically just give such a autistic energy, like- I really connect with his struggle and the way he interact with the world around him, but please tell me what YOU think 🫶‼️

To have a better view of this part of him we would need more of his pov, sadly we rarely get it so I’m basing this of what I remember, what I personally see in him, what I connected with :’D

(Keep in mind that I probably projecting and it’s just an headcanon, not hate please <3 constructive criticism is welcome tho !!)

Credits it to @thisonemaniac that helped me make this post :D !! We talked about it a bit, I highlighted in orange what he remind me off ‼️

(Since you asked me about it you might want to read this :D !! I explained it better I think xD @lesbianphoebespengler )

[aerithcloud]

My opinion of Hachi's love struggle from personal experience.

To start with, this is my own interpretation, if anyone has other interpretations of the manga and Hachi's character that's totally fine! I've just been thinking on the manga more and more since i read it fully and i genuinely feel Hachi is a lesbian who suffers with feelings of comphet and idealisation of a 'normal romance' which she tries to pursue during the series.

To start with her relationship with Asano started from her being shown attention from someone who is much older and is clearly just grooming her for his own desires. Her first love being with Asano also screwed her idea of what a romance should be like. Getting mistreated, ignored and kept a secret like she's someone to be ashamed of which leads into how she approaches all of her romances from then on. For Hachi as long as they love her, even if it's not in the way she wants she starts to believe she loves them.

Her relationship with Shouji had her initially jumping to some feelings on her first meeting but deciding ultimately to try and just be friends with him bond with another guy 'without ulterior motives' and just become friends. However as we know Shouji liked her and everyone around her started to pressure her into getting into the romance with him. Especially around the fact Shouji started it through guilt tripping her for sex. Nana cared for Shouji, she didn't 'love him' which explains how she treats him. She likes having a boyfriend because she likes being loved. She gets really uncomfortable with the way he kinda mainly uses her for sex than actually showing romantic feelings towards her herself. Like the main thing she did to make him feel justified in cheating with her is the fact that she didn't want to just sleep with him over and over when he wanted. Shouji just wanted her to be his 'pet dog' and got upset the moment Hachi started making her own friends outside of him and Jun. Overall Hachi's 'love' for Shouji is just a dependence on the first somewhat normal guy who loved her, especially when Jun her only real friend left to Tokyo her 'love' for Shouji was the main thing keeping her going. For someone like Hachi she needs love to feel like life is worth living, she has no goals outside of marrying someone and having children, this is in part due to how society views women but also she never really had stable relationships or friendships growing up.

I find it really interesting to note that Hachi never had feelings for Nobu until Nana started bringing it up and Nobu himself starting to try and confess and show he loves her. She again falls in a cycle like she did with Shouji, the big difference being that Nobu is a genuinely nice guy as a whole and for Hachi it's hard to really justify that she doesn't have romantic feelings for him, that and she clearly is attached to Nobu as a friend, they're similar in ways. However Hachi has never had a male friend who hasn't suddenly decided they loved her and wanted to sleep with her. For Hachi she thinks the moment she turns him down he'll abandon her. We know this isn't true given Nobu and Hachi clearly made up in the timeskip and started getting along better in the last few chapters of the manga. However basically everyone in Hachi's life seems to leave her behind or infantilize her and tries to control her. Hachi's emotions are always in control of someone else, the only action she had complete control over was choosing to keep her baby regardless of what is best for anyone else. A big part of her character is the fact that she wants a normal family. Now onto her love for Takumi. A big thing a lot of lesbians tend to latch onto with guys they love, is usually they're some sort of ideal they usually can't attain. And because of this they somewhat feel fictional and out of reach and therefor someone they can focus all of their affection onto often in a way of trying to prove to themselves they like men. Hachi never really initially plans to fall for Takumi, it's just a love and affection she doesn't put much weight onto. However when she meets Takumi in person for the first time, she just found out Nana and Ren are dating. In Hachi's pov any feelings she has for Nana are an 'unrequited love' but she can't deal with Nana getting further and further away from her. Takumi being in the same circle that Nana and Blast are ending up in is a way of her forceably tying herself into the same circle. Hachi herself knows it's wrong and that it won't turn out well but can't help herself because she assume everyone is leaving her behind. She tries to leave him until the pregnancy happens but he is realistically the only one who could support her financially through the situation. She convinces herself over and over throughout the story that staying with Takumi is the only thing she can possibly do once she found herself in the situation.

I honestly believe the first person Hachi truly loved on her own terms was Nana. It's stated often throughout the text how, how she felt with Nana was 'like the bliss of a first love' and how soothing and relaxed she feels around her. Hachi has clear struggles in accepting her feelings towards Nana due to her own misconceptions that what she wants and needs to be happy is falling in love with a man, getting married and having children. In fact it's clear she recognises her feelings for Nana but in her mind Nana loves Ren and any love she feels for Nana won't be reciprocated. It's because of this that she starts sleeping with Takumi to begin with. She feels an immense sense of isolation and fear around her feelings with Nana. It's because of this that she bases her entire worth around who loves her rather than who she actually loves on her own terms. Many lesbians struggle with comphet around their feelings because society makes women feel that romance which don't revolve around a man or having children. Hachi's obsessive need for love traps her and makes her be unable to be happy and free, unlike how she initially assumes love would make her feel. I personally believe if the series continued Hachi would figure out how she feels around Takumi and Nobu and then her feelings around Nana by the end of it.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for not helping my brother unlearn some hate?

I (16F) and my brother (9M, let's call him K) are both from a third world country with some less-than-friendly general views, most of which my parents agree with. I couldn't care less if my mom is vividly disgusted at Chinese/Korean products/music or if she wholeheartedly believes that having crushes on your female friends is "normal" and "not homosexuality", because she's a really kind and sweet person and I just love her, you know? She never voices these thoughts around people who are that way and even has Chinese friends herself, but once I ask her "what do you think your friends would feel if they knew you said things like that sometimes?" to which her response was basically "it's not like I'll ever say it to their face, that's rude, and I don't think they're any less humans than us, their country taking over the industrial world and music is just disgusting". Or she immediately demands the channel be changed if the tv is showing an LGBT couple (this is illegal in our country, we connect to foreign satellites which don't censor this).

Anyway. Sorry for the ramble. This leads me to two problems:

My brother is kinda short and skinny due to genetics. And when I say "kinda", I mean like, he's really, really small and tiny for his age and often gets mistaken for a preschooler or first grader. My mother worries over the fact that the boys at his school (since we're all being raised in the same toxic society, huzzah) bully him for being smaller than them. And K has a tendency to easily cry at insults, furthering this issue. I've talked to him several times on how he'll get a growth spurt and it's fine, but my mom's talks mainly consist of how he's a grown boy now and it's not nice for boys his age to cry in public like that. She also doesn't really like me getting "involved" in K's bullying issues. Please, PLEASE don't send any hate to my mom, okay guys? She's one of the best people I know.

The other issue here is that K technically IS growing up, but he's also learning some of the really uncomfortable aspects of this society by repeating things like "the referee for this soccer game probably let the other team win because he's Chinese" (to which I had to correct him and say the referee was actually Filipino, but never mind) or asking me with GENUINE curiosity if I, as a girl, play soccer at my school (he loves soccer so so much, I try to encourage this love for him).

I correct him on this stuff as much as I can, but honestly... sometimes I just don't. Sure, I think it's bad and all, but I (probably, I don't remember much) grew up being the same way considering the way our society is. And if I turned out nice enough, I'm sure he just needs to be the right age for some more technical guidance and all I can do here is randomly tell him he's wrong when he says this stuff. My mom just... she thinks it's a huge stretch to "call everything racism nowadays", which I think REALLY depends on the context! My brother says this stuff very, very rarely, but I don't think he really... gets /why/ it's bad, you know? Again, I'm mostly planning on giving him advice on occasion and letting him figure it out by himself, but I don't want him saying racist/antisemitic/sexist jokes by accident in public, less so because it might humiliate the family and more so because it might actually upset someone.

Again, WIBTA? Don't call my mom the asshole here, please. She's super extremely polite to everyone, calls for action against our dictatorship of a government, and gives medical care to her less financially stable patients for free (she's a doctor). She just has some little views here and there that are the result of her upbringing, same as ours are the result of what we experienced. I can wholeheartedly forgive her for that.

[maxwellssilverbeatles]

if ABO existed in the real world, what flavor of omega would each of the beatles be?

i am here to answer this question that no but me has ever asked! IF YOU DON'T LIKE ABO OR MENTIONS OF IT, DON'T INTERACT WITH THIS POST.

first off, i fully believe that all the beatles would be omegas, maybe george as a token beta, but absolutely no alphas in the band. thinking logistically, this is the 1960s we're talking about, and ABO is basically just a second gender aka a second set of gender norms assigned to people from birth. omega = more feminine traits, alpha = more masculine traits and beta = neutral, we all know this already. but because of this we can assume that omegas experience discrimination in much the same way as women do, a form of sexism based in the fact that omegas are supposed to be subservient to betas and particularly alphas, who are meant to act as protectors of weak, defenseless omegas. in the 1960s, such sexism would be much more normalized in society, and therefore the idea of separation between the different sexes in any context other than courting would be stronger. just as the idea of boy/girl platonic friendship wasn't normalized (even to this day), the idea of casual omega/alpha friendship wouldn't be normalized either. because of that, i believe all four of the beatles would most likely be the same second gender, because of their comfortability and intimacy around one another and the way that most people's closest friends are of the same gender as it's an easily shared and relatable experience.

now, why do i believe they are all specifically omegas? they could just as easily all be alphas or betas? this is where more of my opinion comes in. ABO and the omegaverse was created as a specific way of fetishizing queer male relationships and viewing them through the lenses of staunchly heterosexual, patriarchal relationships. a way to take a homosexual relationship and distill it down to inherently harmful stereotypes of queer people, that there's always a more feminine/masculine presenting person and that whether you decide to top or bottom determines your amount of "gayness" and therefore your masculinity. the creation behind the omegaverse was just a kinky way of being able to view male/male relationships as essentially just a straight relationship in which both partners just so happen to have dicks. alphas are portrayed as big, strong, aggressive protectors with huge cocks to knot their mates with. omegas are seen as overall gentle and demure, who go through periods of heat in which their sexuality is inherently tied to wanting to be fucked and impregnated by their mates aka seen as submissive. betas rarely have any emphasis in omegaverse stories, due to them just being regular people who don't have raging horomones in them telling them to give in to their most basic, sexual, animalistic urges, but they are often portrayed as mediators between the bs of alphas and omegas.

the beatles were never and have never been viewed as pillars of masculinity in the way that other rock stars at the time were viewed. that is just a simple fact, whether it be due to their overwhelmingly large female fan base from the beginning of their careers or the way they dressed and presented themselves. much like their rise to mega-stardom, i believe it was a mix of a lot of different elements of themselves and their brand that let them get this more "soft" label that they eventually tried to break out of. it wasn't just the female fans, as elvis also had a disproportionate number of female fans and he was always seen as a masculine rocker. it was also the matching suits and haircuts, their "silly love songs", their goofy demeanor in interviews and the fact that paul mccartney just has a really pretty face and voice. because of this, i highly doubt the alpha label fits any of them, not because they were particular feminine but because they didn't express their masculinity in a particularly obvious, stereotypical way. one could just say it was the styles of the decade, and i would agree with you, but also not every rock star has people debating on whether or not they were bisexual + having an extremely large community of people fully believing they were fucking/in love their best friend to this day quite like john lennon.

so, they're all omegas imo 🤷 now here's my cringe hcs (,,◕　⋏　◕,,)

paul is a sluttyyyy omega who pretends to be a beta. because of his extremely repressed nature due to his upbringing (*cough* jim mccartney *cough*), he would probably be ashamed about his second gender and try to bottle away his inner feelings on the issue through suppressant abuse (if we're in a universe in which those exist yet) and overall randy-ness (he's a horny boy! he fucks a lot!). his repression leads to a lot of frustration, the regular kind and also the sexual kind, which he expresses primarily through his stubbornness/unwillingness to compromise and his obsession with perfectionism (both represented through his overbearing presence in the studio).

john is a confusing case. he is undoubtably an omega, just like paul, and he also has a great deal of self directed shame as most male omegas do (they're supposed to be masculine as they're boys, but they're also able to get pregnant and go through heats so they're seen as lesser and gay- derogatory). but i also believe he uses his omega status to benefit himself in ways paul does not do (paul hides and represses while john makes self directed digs at himself and his gender and then bats his eyelids to get whatever he wants). he is also more open about his feelings than paul is, talking more freely about his struggles and is more willing to be vulnerable around others. if it weren't for the fact that he was married with a kid, he would've probably received a lot of hate and controversy due to his very un-omegalike and flamboyant personality.

ringo is just a confident omega man who settles down when he's ready to settle down. due to his shorter height, he was never really going to pass as a beta or alpha and he's resigned himself to that. he was also the most disregarded member of the band, which led to him having less of a focus on himself than his other group members, and therefore less pressure to become a family man despite his age. but such inattention leads to insecurity in himself, his looks and his musical abilities which he compensates for by acting as “the funny beatle” and being generally the most easygoing of the 4.

george is the youngest of the group and because of that he was always being overshadowed by an image of innocence and the overwhelming force of johnpaul. he obviously hated this image. he got girlfriends, slept around a lotttt, made sure to be more expressive and loud in interviews, and changed his style and his hair to suit the person he felt he was on the inside but that wouldn't stop the public from viewing him as "the quiet beatle" or the most ideal omega of the 4. it also didn't help that he wanted to experiment more with music and get more of his songs onto the LPs but repressed and stubborn paul mccartney kept treating him like a baby brother.

this is unbelievably long and stupid and probably unreadable as i wrote it in one sitting as a ramble and didn't look over it at all. hope this gets no attention and forces me to realize i need to get a life and a hobby outside of being parasocial about (dead) 80 year olds. holy shit

[vensionwithvox]

as someone who is aroace, ive always felt less than human. one of the most prominent aspects of my identity has got to be my aromanticism. the asexuality is definitely there, but it isnt much of a burden to me than the fact that im romance repulsed. mainly because im in my teenage years, and romance is a popular topic amongst my peers at this time around. im constantly surrounded by people who all collectively have one thing on their minds: love. sometimes it feels like everyone around me is brainwashed, with myself being the only exception. its alienating, to say the least. to simply be myself, which is why, when i figured out that i was aroace a few years ago, i couldnt help but be in extreme denial about the reality of it all. i forced myself into relationships at the cost of my sanity. i genuinely believed that if i tried hard enough, changed to the point where i couldnt recognize myself anymore, then it would all work out in the end, so i forced feelings that were never there to begin with and got exactly what i deserved. not only did i hurt myself, but i also hurt those closest to me in the process. even labeling them as ‘relationships’ would be a lie, because if anything, they were failed experiments to see if i could muster up the slightest ounce of love. my selfishness was my own demise. i just couldnt accept that i was defective in a way. if everyone else was born with the ability to love, then why cant i? what makes me different? i didnt want to be different. i just wanted to be normal. and yes, im fully aware that love takes on multiple forms; its not restricted to only romance, but keep in mind that im also aplatonic. love is a basic fundamental of our everyday lives, but not for me.

note: this is my own individual experience. its harsh, but its the truth. also, i didnt expect my first post to be so personal right off the bat, but im currently holding a grudge against society right now.

[ramblingzombpossum]

I keep going back to something from therapy today. During morning check in we have to write how we're feeling, it's literally "What is your mood today?" and today, I just didn't know. I was flipping from one mood to another so fast that I couldn't wrap my mind around one emotion or mood.

When I wrote "I don't know" I expected a bit of push back, someone to tell me that's not acceptable, there is no way I can't know. We all know how we feel right?

Well, instead the therapist smiled and said "That's ok." They know I have schizophrenia, and apparently I've lived with it all my life. When I apologized she insisted I didn't have a reason to, it's ok to not know how you feel.

One of the points my one on one therapist is hammering home, is when I say "I don't know" people are going to be confused. People who aren't schizophrenic DO NOT understand. I grew up with it, I've learned to adapt and hide it.

Hallucinations are weird? Ok, I'm not going to talk about it, or I may draw attention I don't want. Hearing things isn't normal? Alright, we chalk that up to 'keep to yourself and hide.' Oh, the random moments of "Lol I could just die" or "Man I could sleep and never wake up" aren't necessarily normal? Cool, that will not be spoken about. (That last one is common in a lot of things, but it's thoughts I can remember having as young as sixish.)

But the phrase "I don't know" has always been demonized to me.

"Why did you do that?" "I don't know" "NO you absolultely know why, so why did you do that?!" It was a rather common reaction, from everyone. For years, because in most people's minds, they know.

Before I got medicated, I didn't realize how bad it was, how I would sit there, and just not know what I was doing. I'd have moments of full unawareness, and I still do at times. I dissociate, something I never knew what it meant until I was forced to acknowledge it. I go off into my own world and completely disconnect from life, going on basically auto pilot.

Sometimes I'll do something, and I will have a reason, but after doing it, I have no idea WHY. My brain doesn't work right, it never has, and I learned the easiest way to avoid it, was withdrawing. I could just not talk, I could just live in my mind and be fine. As an adult this doesn't work, it makes life harder, it makes everything harder. I literally sit at home sometimes and just lose time. I've become obsessed with time checking, to make sure I wasn't off in my mind for hours.

Even now I have an aversion to "I don't know" even if it's the truth. I find myself scrambling for a believable lie because "I don't know" is unacceptable, it is very much a sin. No one has a brain so broken that they don't know.

But I do, I don't know why I do a lot of things. I don't know why I say things sometimes, or why my brain jumps to something completely out of left field.

Someone asked me to describe my thought process on something, and it went a little like... A needs to happen for B to happen, but if C occurs then A will be ruined, and B can't happen, so obviously I need to do Y, D, F, G, and L before anything else to make sure that A can happen.

None of it makes sense, none of it comes together, but my brain is so loud and jumbled, even with anti-psychotics I have auditory and visual hallucinations. Not as bad as it once was, but it happens. I can hear voices as if someone is standing over my shoulder, telling me just to stop. Give up. Let my body crumble, and cease existence. No one will ever care, no one will miss me.

I know this isn't true, I fight against it daily.

Sometimes I turn around in my house while I'm alone and think someone is standing in the kitchen. Nothing solid, a shadowing form in the vague shape of a person that catches me off guard, but I've learned not to show my fear. How can I react to things when others don't see them? That's weird, and society says we should never be weird. How does one explain when they want to just hunker down, grasp their head and scream to drown out the voices? How does one explain what it's like to be plagued with things, delusions of being immortal, delusions of everyone hating you. The idea that in this life you'd be more of a contribution as a memory than a living being. The paranoia of what everyone wants. The paranoia of not knowing what is and isn't actually happening. The Paranoia that you're going to say the wrong thing, and wind up hospitalized because 'you're not normal.'

There is nothing fun about this, there is nothing easy. I've been fighting a silent battle for who knows how long, and a lot of people say I'm strong for being open. I'm not being strong, I'm being weak, because I'm tired. I'm so very tired, and I don't want to be strong anymore. I want to lay down, I want to have a day where I'm not constantly shifting through my thoughts, where I'm not trying to decide if the person next to me is talking to me, or if its one of the voices trying to tear me down. I don't want to be convinced that everyone is out to get me, that everyone will leave, everyone is just using me in some way.

I'm just tired, I'm tired and I don't know what I feel. I keep going because I want Bean to know it's ok. I want her to never worry about asking for help. I want her to realize, sometimes we all have battles we don't share, and that's ok, but it's also ok to ask for help.

In the end, I'm tired, confused, and I will never be able to answer everything, unless I'm allowed to be honest and say "I don't know."

[5ummit]

It’s been 7 years since Civil War and I still mourn for the Bucky Barnes story we should’ve gotten.

I mourn for how quickly they showed him integrated back into society after CATWS. One moment he’s almost killing his best friend... and the next moment he’s living on his own and seems just fine. Sure, he’s a little quiet and awkward and sad, but he’s mostly pretty normal. Outside of the first half of Civil War, there’s very little evidence at all that would lead anyone to believe Bucky used to be the world’s most feared assassin, who was trained and molded into the perfect weapon through unimaginable pain and psychological manipulation. This man spent the better part of his life as a ruthless, mindless killing machine programmed to do nothing more than follow orders. You don’t just walk away from that without being fundamentally and irreversibly psychologically altered. Even the removal of the trigger words wouldn’t change that.

To clarify, I’m not talking about his lingering feelings of guilt and sadness. I think Seb has done a great job with getting that part across at least. I’m talking about his behavior. About way he interacts with other people and how he handles situations. He doesn’t act like a formerly-brainwashed ex-assassin who was treated as less than human for literal decades and who, by all accounts, should have the most severe form of PTSD known to man.

I just don’t buy the Bucky we see post-CATWS and particularly post-Civil-War. I don’t buy that Bucky would be joking around and flirting and basically acting like Just Some Guy – a grumpy guy but still Just Some Guy – and his recent haircut sure isn’t helping the situation either. That he wouldn’t always be a little bit on edge, a little bit animal (kinda like the way we see him at the beginning of Civil War but then never again). That being in the heat of battle wouldn’t sometimes make him either shut down or completely snap and go into a violent fugue state where he subconsciously reverts back to the brutally efficient methods of the Winter Soldier (we almost got this in TFATWS but they couldn’t commit).

Now maybe he received some absolutely incredible therapy in Wakanda. Maybe it worked wonders on him! The problem is I don’t buy it because I never saw it. I never got to see him struggle to learn how to be a person again. I never got to see him fight back against the thing Hydra turned him into.

It just sucks because I love everything about the concept of Bucky and the Winter Soldier, but the parts they’ve chosen not to show or address are, in my opinion, the most interesting parts of his character. But more than that, the lack of follow through and disconnect between what he was and who he seems to be now makes it really hard for me to see him as a fully-realized person in canon. It’s like my brain registers perfectly who he was in CATFA/CATWS and even kinda sorta now in TFATWS, but there’s this giant chasm in between them that mentally feels like fuzzy static.

How long did it take him to fully shake off the brainwashing and conditioning? When did he start thinking of himself as a human being with agency again? Did he ever have to fight the desire to return to Hydra, the only thing he’s known for 70 years, or was it an easy choice? How long did it take him to start recovering his memories? Has he recovered all of them? Does he now remember everything that happened before and during his time at Hydra? How long did it take him to stop flinching at every sound and expecting Hydra to track him down? How long did it take him to relearn how to interact with people like a normal person? How did he afford food and shelter between CATWS and CACW? How and why did he end up in Romania? Did he travel there immediately after CATWS or did he live somewhere else first? Did he get actual therapy in Wakanda or did they just work their science-magic to remove the trigger words and send him on his way? Is the the soldier still in there? Does he still have to consciously stop himself from using deadly force every time he’s in a fight? Is that why he deliberately avoids carrying any weapons now?

I have so many questions.

Fortunately we have fic and fanon to help fill the void but we shouldn’t have to. Bucky Barnes is one of the most interesting and unique characters to ever exist. There’s so much good stuff to dig into here and it’s been wasted.

They squandered the original opportunity to explore this part of his character when they turned Cap 3 into an Iron Man film, a decision I will forever be mad about (fuck you RDJ/Tony for stealing Bucky’s movie), but they finally had the perfect chance to make up for that with TFATWS! Bucky was getting his own show (6 hours of content!), and with it, plenty of time to really dig into his psyche and lingering trauma! I had hoped to see him relapsing a bit and falling into old patterns. Or maybe being triggered by something and having a panic attack. Or even just talking about his time in Hydra and how it felt to be used like that and his struggles to regain his humanity afterwards (instead they fucking gave Hawkeye the emotional “I was a weapon” speech that Bucky rightfully deserved). But other than that opening nightmare, a few brief teasing lines from Zemo about the solider still being in there (which was never followed through on), and the shittiest excuse for “therapy” I’ve ever seen, we really got nothing.

From everything they’ve shown us, and particularly from the ending of TFATWS, it’s clear Marvel believes Bucky has already “healed” and there’s little left to discuss or explore and it makes me incredibly sad.

[somevillainfuckery]

RANTETHING TIME, WORMS (pt.3 Beetlejuice the series)

This is gonna be more of a mini-rant, or at least just not as long as my last rant. I just really wanna talk about Snugglejuice. She terrifies me, genuinely freaks me out- but I still like them. In my honest opinion I don't really think they deserve the hate that they get. If you think about it, she's gotta be as scared as the actual Beetlejuice that we know and love. He hates the idea of manners, cleanliness, and basically anything involving decency- but Snugglejuice has a problem I find to be worse than that. Beetlejuice understands the fact the Jack-In-The-Box is basically a torture chamber and all of Neither-Neitherland SUCKS. While I might be wrong on this, since BJs whole multiple different personality thing kinda confuses me in the show [plus a wiki I use lists the alternate versions of Beetlejuice as just different personalities and not really disguises or separate beings], I don't know if he remembers or not.. I like to believe he'd at least remember being locked up in the Jack-In-The-Box, before things eventually just became a blur. But Snugglejuice doesn't remember anything- they recognize the people around them, what those people mean to them but majority of their thoughts are blurred with 'sugar, spice, and everything nice'. There's not a thing out there that could convince me to believe Snugglejuice views their cutesy ways as normal, not entirely normal at least.. I imagine them kinda just having a subconscious feeling that something is- odd, to say the least, about it all- but they don't speak out about it because she was manipulated into thinking that the way she is is the right way to be, and that she could trust Little Miss Warden. It's a forced smile they have, if they don't think about it or question it, maybe it'll stop bothering them. Despite both personalities [Beetlejuice and Snugglejuice] clashing, I feel like they both see something in common. They don't really get what happened that day, and they don't like it. It scares them. I get that Snugglejuice was just a one episode thing, but I feel like she's still there, along with every other personality BJ plays. Now how she's doing in the gross mind of his, who knows, but I just kinda feel like Snugglejuice deserves better.

All this dumb serious-ish ranting aside [dear god I'm probably gonna find so many spelling errors in this later], is there such a thing as a Neitherworld therapist? Don't get me wrong, I still got a few episodes of the show left to watch, and also its just supposed to be a silly cartoon but like- theres something wrong with Beetlejuice. That is not a ghostly menace to society, that is a feral dog with attachment issues, and canonically- trauma- a very fat chunk of trauma- Really, there's two perfectly hatable characters in that episode, and ya'll fr chose Snugglejuice to shit on- I need hate posts about Germs, fuck that guy.

[eyesandtentacles]

People only like Toji because he's attractive

I saw a comment on Tik Tok saying something along those lines and honestly it didn't sit right with me.

Of course, people are free to have their own opinion and you don't have to like Toji, but I believe that there is much more to his character.

So this is a post where I talk about the things that I personally appreciate about Toji Fushiguro. We'll start simple and get deeper as we go on. So strap yourselves in because this is going to be a long one.

Spoilers for the upcoming season 2 of Jujutsu Kaisen.

First let me start by saying that yes,

Toji is indeed very attractive

Look at this fine specimen of a man. No wonder the fandom goes crazy for him.

His design is certainly aesthetically pleasing. The worm curling around his body and the tight shirt and baggy pants he's wearing emphasize his muscles and tiny waist making your eyes run all over him. His black hair falls on his handsome face nicely and the scar on his lips draws attention to it and adds a little bit of spice, just enough to tie this whole meal together.

He is built like a snack and boy am I hungry!

But enough about his looks. Looks isn't the only thing he has to offer.

Toji has a superhuman body

Similarly to Maki, Toji is affected by Heavenly Restriction. His body is incredibly strong and fast and in exchange he possesses no cursed energy. But he doesn't even need cursed energy to see curses, because his senses are just that sharp and enhanced! He truly is an anomaly and if the jujutsu society recognised his potential instead of abusing him for being different, he would definitely be classified as a special grade sorcerer.

Dude's a beast so he makes any battle that he takes part in fun and exciting to watch. He also had some interesting matchups allowing him to show off how skilled he is as a fighter.

We got to see him battle with Gojo,Geto and a disaster curse, all of them considered special grade and he won all but one of his encounters with them. However, that one loss was from the second battle with Gojo AKA the strongest sorcerer alive, who he almost killed on their first one, so that shows how superior his combat skills can really be.

But Toji doesn't only depend on his body to do the work.

Toji is smart

When tasked with the mission to kill Riko Amanai, instead of charging in right away, he simply sits and waits while others try their hand on the assassination.

But why is Toji waiting?

It's because he knows that Gojo is protecting this girl and he knows what he is capable off, so he chose to take things slow. By putting the money reward for the job on the internet and offering it to anyone who was successful in killing the target, he ensured that the protection squad would be constantly on edge. He even put a time limit on the offer to deceive them into believing that they only needed to be careful for a certain amount of time. As a result, when the time limit had passed and the group let their guard down Toji striked by putting a sword through Gojo's chest, an attack that would be lethal if it weren't faced with such a strong opponent.

He also took advantage of the fact that his lack of cursed energy makes him invisible to the security system of Jujutsu High and to the sorcerers around him. He made sure that his first strike against Gojo was with a normal sword and switched to a cursed tool when the surprise attack didn't work.

But where did that tool come from? And if it has cursed energy wouldn't it be detected?

Well that's where the worm comes in....

So basically, in order to keep the advantage of being invisible due to the lack of cursed energy and to always have weapons available, Toji keeps this cursed spirit on his stomach and whenever he needs something he simply vomits it out and does his thing. Kinda gross but very effective.

Honestly it's terrifying how this man can use his body and anything else that is available to quickly come up with a strategy to kick your ass. Being his opponent must be a total nightmare since Toji is brutal and cares only about one thing and that is money.

Or maybe there is something more........

Toji cares about his family

Now I know what you're going to say and I agree.

Toji is a terrible father.

Not only did he abandon his son but he also sold him to the Zenins. That ain't exactly father of the year material. Despite this, there are moments that show that he loves his family.

One of those moments is when he recalls Megumi and that he was the one who named him. I refuse to believe that Toji woke up and chose a random name for his son, especially since Megumi means Blessing so he must have put some thought into it.

Additionally, in his dying moments he thought about his son and his wife and it was obvious that it's a memory that's dear to him. At first he chose to not say anything when asked about his last words, but changed his mind when he remembered Megumi, informing Gojo that he will be sold in the Zenin family and to do with that as he pleases. That ensured Gojo taking Megumi under his care and protection.

Another moment is when Toji is back as a mindless puppet in Shibuya, fighting purely on instinct the strongest person in the room and when that person happened to be Megumi he froze, his eyes literally softening at the sight of his boy and he regained control long enough to ask a question and then kill himself to ensure that he won't bring him any more harm.

But wait, you may ask, if he cares this much about Megumi why did he abandon and sell him?

Well the answer to that is a simple but sad one.

Toji is a broken man

Toji is a Zenin, a member of one of the most important clans in jujutsu society. But because he was born with no cursed energy he was abused by the family and left it completely unstable.

Look at this panel. His eyes look so empty and tired. This was before he left from the clan and started to work as an assassin.

However, even while he was away from this toxic environment, the damage had been done. Toji definitely had issues regarding his self-worth. He kept trying to prove that someone like him can be strong and defeat sorcerers. He referred to himself as a ''useless monkey who can't even use jujutsu''. He kept saying while selling his son that unlike him, his son had potential since he had a cursed technique.

And in the end, in the battle that led to his death, instead of fleeing, he chose to stay and fight because he was facing Gojo and being able to crush him, the strongest sorcerer alive, would discredit the society that deemed him worthless.

His trauma caused him to ignore his survival instincts and led to his demise.

This trauma was also the reason why he abandoned and sold Megumi. When he met his wife, Toji was able to calm down and become a bit more stable. He loved and really cared about this woman. But she died soon after Megumi was born, leaving Toji once again unstable but with a baby in his care.

At this point, his issues about his worth once again kicked in and he probably felt that he wouldn't be able to raise his son properly. So he sold him to the Zenin family, promising them that the kid would develop a good cursed technique and asking them to take care of him. In his mind, the place that he grew up would be better for Megumi since he had potential.

I'm guessing that before dying he realised that that environment would still be bad even for Megumi so he told Gojo about the deal maybe because he was hopeful that Gojo would help the kid. And of course that's exactly what happened.

So when Toji appears once again in Shibuya and comes face to face with Megumi he asks him a simple question.

What's your name?

And when Megumi replied with Fushiguro instead of Zenin I'm sure that that made Toji feel happy and relieved.

All of this of course doesn't excuse any of his actions but it certainly explains them.

And all of his actions had some effect on the story.

Toji is an important part of the plot

Before he even appears in the anime, Toji has already made his impact. He was considered an anomaly and his mere existence was bound to affect the story in some way.

There were so many moments where we see how he affected it.

By almost killing Gojo, he made him realise his full potential and become the strongest.

By killing Riko Amanai, he caused Geto's spiral and existential crisis leading him to leave Jujutsu High and become a villain, only to later die and have his body used by Kenjaku for his big plan.

By killing Riko Amanai, he also stopped the merging with Master Tengen, something that had massive consequences and would be taken advantage of by Kenjaku in the future.

By telling Gojo about Megumi, he caused Gojo to take him under his protection, training him and raising him with much more care that the Zenin family ever would.

All of these moments are vital.

All of them caused by him.

Toji was an important piece to the whole puzzle of this story and without him Jujutsu Kaisen would not be complete.

And just like that, we have reached the end.

Once again I'd like to say that you can believe whatever you want about Toji but simply reducing him to just an attractive character is a bit of a disservice to him, no?

Apologies for the chaotic writing I have way too many thoughts and can't articulate them properly.

Thank you to anyone who has read this far <3