#what the fuck is today. like SERIOUSLY
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CW brain's being a fucking bastard AGAIN.
Someone needs to put us down like a dog.
Cause FUCKING CHRIST.
#the clowns are rambling instead of dancing#random posts#feelies again#cw sui talk#< idfk? kinda?#cw dehumanisation#the urge for death for some reason has returned.#what the fuck is today#im fine. BEE threw away anything we could've even POTENTIALLY used so. yknow I'M FINE WE'RE ALL FINE#IT'S JUST THERE WHISPERING AGAIN IN MY HEAD. AND I SOUND INSANE AGAIN. YAY (/vsarc) I FUCKING LOVE MY MENTSL HEALTH!! (/SARC)#- Kinda mostly Pat but like. everyone. we're all feeling the sudden looming death thing#what the fuck is today. like SERIOUSLY#cw death mention#cw animal death#< MENTIONED#I REITERSTE THIS. WE ARE FINE /SRS BRAIN IS JUST BEING A FUCKING DICK. BECAUSE FOR SOMW REASON IT'S DECIDED WE ARENT ALLOWED TO FEEL JOY#FOR SOME REASON BRAIN HAS DECIDED GENUINELY FEELING JOY = BAD NUHYH! AND THE SOLUTION IS LOOMING THOUGHTS OF DEATH AND OTHER HORRIFIC THINGS
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ngl you guys, I was so flabbergasted by the office shenanigans in today's episode I completely forgot there was a statement. Like sure sure, the bone apple teeth anatomy students are working at goodwill now that's great, CELIA KNOWS! COLIN'S ON TO US!! SAM GOT AN EMAIL FROM JON!!!
#tmagp#the magnus protocol#And Hilltop and Gwen and Lena's whole thing#tmagp spoilers#the magnus protocol spoilers#Like seriously what the FUCK happened today???
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ohhh god I think my brain’s broken or somethin cos at the sight of all the goddamn 9hr shift Saturdays and 4.5hr shift Sundays in my near future I legit bawled. Like I don’t DO that ok that is WEIRD for me. I miss having weekends. I should be BEING A TEENAGER ON SATURDAYS not standing in a small space for NINE HOURS
I genuinely think this is gonna be what makes me lose it
#the worst part of it all is that it’s literally been two days. like that is pathetic whhhy can’t I just tough it the fuck out oh my godddd#it ain’t even HARD work I just feel like a caged tiger#and so damn borrred#my boss is real nice tho and quitting would seriously be a dick move#like she bought me a soda…:(#I wish I had a good reason to hate it other than the fact that it’s on weekends and is time consuming#but I don’t#I worked at the stable all summer and I didn’t hate that at all. It was gross and dirty#and I was so sweaty and all my clothes smelled like horse for weeks after and fuck man I didn’t even get paid minimum wage#but I liked it. It was real fun (even when I got zapped by the electric fence!)#but I’m in retail now#and after the first day last week I went home and punched a wall hard enough to get a giant bruise#and after today-the second day-I cried like 5x harder than I did last time I freaked out. Fuck man I prayed even and im not even religious#I think somehow my brain registers boredom as a bigger threat than actual danger holy hell#…jesus I /like/ the job w/ the electric fence but lose it at the cushy one with free soda -_-#yeah no my brain’s definitely not wired right I don’t think#ugh#rambling#personal stuff#whining#delete later#oh yeah and I was right I didn’t work out tonight cos I was miserable.#I mean I jogged a tiny bit but my biceps man…what abt my biceps…:((
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HELP! I've fallen down a Bering and Wells hole again and can't stop watching fanvids. I misssssss them!!! 😢
#I'm also thinking about a platonic Pete & Myka soulmate AU and all the bickering that would come with it#Like Pete trying to feel out what the rules are for him dating someone if she and him are soulmates#and Myka's like 'I literally never want to talk about who you have sex with ever'#“But-” / “NOPE! Just do whatever you want Pete!”#And then later as joke (but delivered completely seriously) she says she wants full approval of any serious relationship he has#And she'll be the one planning the proposal for him#(No no no! That's not happening.)#Actually! She might just play matchmaker for him too because she's not sure she can trust his judgement#... or his ability to make a good first impression.#“You wanted my input remember?” / “Not like that!”#And then even LATER when she meets Amanda for the first time she's like 'Wow that's your ex-wife? Man you really fucked up there."#“Yeah thanks for that Myka. That's very helpful.”#“No chance of winning her back?”#“Winning back my ex-wife who's about to be remarried? No I think that ship has sailed.”#“Yeah.... My ex girlfriend is a hologram now so at least this is a step up from that.”#“I never agreed to HG being your girlfriend.”#“.... Yeah but I wanted to.”#“.... Okay this is getting way too gloomy for a wedding day. We need to stuff ourselves with cake.”#Warehouse 13#Myka Bering#Pete Lattimer#Helena Wells#Bering and Wells#my fic#(I guess accidentally in the tags lol)#(idk I'm tired man. My head is all over the place today :P)
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I would commit murder to see the interview these pictures are from
#im feeling very monza 2011 today i guess!!!#nah but seriously PLEASE I WANT TO WATCH THIS SO BAD#I NEED CONTEXT FOR THEIR INCREDIBLY AWKWARD HUG#let me describe these photos for you bcs they are all just peak vettonso:#the first one where theyre smiling and looking at each other 🥰🥰🥰#and the second where theyre both smiling at the interviewer(?)#third and fourth i describe as: twink about to pounce#like seriously seb what is he talking about that is making you look at him like you want to eat him#fifth is sending me like ITS SO AWKWARD AND I LOVE IT#just my fav thing about 2010s vettonso where seb is so excitable and touchy and etc#and nando is like: i dont want to be here rn get him off me DJKFLGL#stop it Fernando. i know you want to.#and then last one idk i really like it. you guys know how i feel abour chairs.#i guess to me theres something about how differently they're sitting#like seb is more open and relaxed and Fernando is a lot more curled up and small#ANYWAYS WHERE IS THE VIDEO OF THIS 😭😭😭😭 I NEED IT#this actually adds to my bafflement abt their dynamic at this gp#bcs this is how the race wknd starts off and isnt it truly wonderful? that fernando then says 3 days later: fuck u my boy#f1#formula 1#sebastian vettel#fernando alonso#vettonso#2011 italian gp#we do a little bit of f1
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as someone who has just started volunteering in a big op shop 2 days a week.... if you're the type of person that just leaves a whole ass mountain of clothes strewn on the floor of a change-room and maybe haphazardly hung up on the wall or direct on the floor in front of the change room rack... I reserve my right to believe that I should be allowed to flay you alive when the purge happens. also this is playing in my head right after you have the audacity to do this and probably say to yourself that "well, it's their job anyway 😒🙄. why should i even try and bother to help them?"
however, if you're the type of person who honestly tries to rehang your clothes on the hanger and either puts them back correctly on the return rack at the change rooms.... or EVEN BETTER puts it back in the CORRECT clothes rack where you got it from (or at least you guessed where you got it from and say put it in size 8 when it's size 10 or something). I am passionately, earnestly, eagerly, ardently, caringly, wholeheartedly, tenderly, vigorously, etc, making out with you. with tongue. sloppy style. we can do anything else sloppy style too if you wish, king or queen.
#life#about me#shut up ilona#ilona tries to be funny and relatable#ilona tries to cash in on an oldish (i suppose) meme#but seriously though#i spent the WHOLE FUCKING DAY working on change rooms at the salvos today and i am GOING INSANE#a group of teens came in to try on ugly formal dress for what i assume is an op shop ball thing#and they just left EVERYTHING all over the floor and maybe ONE thing on the wall (just a hanger)#and another changeroom at tbe#*at the back of our shop had like 16 garmenta hung on the wall half hap hazardly#i nearly cracked thr shits and fucking screamed#i didnt scream but i did when i got back to my car#and its all bc we dont have a clothes limit like target and other big retailers do#apparently they used to but for some reason head office decided to get rid of it for some fucking bizarre reeason#like if qe had a limit of 5 items of clothes for a CR#then people wouldnt have the fucking audacity to fucking dump out a whole fucking basket's or trolley's.....#....worth of fucking clothes on a CR floor or haphazardly on the wall our on the chair ourside of the changetooms
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watching people discover the fucked up science guy part of viktor's lore and then being like "we need to acknowledge that he's a fucked up science guy 😔" is so funny. like yeah, he is a fucked up science guy who thinks ethics committees are bullshit because in his mind having rights temporarily violated is perfectly fine if it means saving lives—especially when the ones condemning his beliefs don't offer what they consider to be an ethical alternative to fix the problem and simply let it continue to exist.
and yeah, he's a fucked up science guy who experimented on himself following a, quote: traumatic period of introspection. he had a mental breakdown, fell into a major depressive episode, and spending this horrible time of his life "alone in the depths" reinforced and radicalized his previous beliefs, and to showcase his beliefs (and to try and get rid of his emotions because of how overwhelming they were) he turned himself into a cyborg (and did in fact make himself worse in certain ways but ehh who cares /j).
and yeah, he's a fucked up science guy who gave a kid back alley anti anxiety meds so he could face down his bullies, but he did so after making him a cozy beverage, teaching him about the dangers of propaganda and baseless rumors, and having him scream into a megaphone to freak out said bullies because it was funny (not that he'd admit to finding it funny because then he'd have to admit to having emotions, and well he can't do that, no sir).
so yes, viktor is a fucked up science guy, but that's half his charm! he cares so much about helping people, but he's a weirdo and freak about it! though to be fair, in the city that also has a chemically enhanced werewolf (warwick), a sentient blob of goo (zac), a wind and water goddess (janna), and a literal war criminal who invented chemical warfare (singed), among many other wacky individuals, he's pretty normal all things considered! fucked up science is just a part of life in zaun, my dudes!
#viktor league of legends#machine herald#uhh those are the only tags I'm doing#still not making a lol tag < is my lol tag#absolutely no hate or offense intended towards anyone bringing up viktor's deeply questionable ethics btw#it's just genuinely a really funny phenomenon to me is all#fr though viktor (and zaun) are meant to represent that dark messy side of science people don't like to acknowledge exists#we would not be where we are today scientifically if it weren't for the people who willingly or unwilling crossed the line#according to a reddit ama the person who wrote viktor’s 2016 lore was directly inspired by the scientists who invented local anesthesia#and tested it on themselves before testing it on patients! obviously what viktor did is just a smidge more extreme than that#but you get the point#he's not evil he's just not exactly mentally well lmao. except the times where he is an evil super villain#95% of the time he should be a weird but otherwise normal guy and the other 5% he should rob banks with his buddies for comedic effect#as zaun is all dark and gritty and deals with complicated complex themes but also it's like a saturday morning cartoon down there#that story from legends of runeterra where viktor takes away all of jinx’s weapons and then gets beat up by vi for it bc she didn't know#that's why the two of them were causing trouble is so fucking funny. just another tuesday am I right?#to be clear I intentionally took a more comedic tone w this post bc I don't have the energy to get into a nuanced discussion of ethics#and discuss the themes of academic elitism mental illness and other stuff in viktor's lore seriously#nor am i particularly knowledgeable of certain aspects that play a part in his lore aka glorious (r)evolution
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formaldehyde, via arterial injection
#paradox live#paralive#kanata yatonokami#nayuta yatonokami#goose draws#medical imagery#<- technically??? I don't know how to content warning chat normally I just say fuck it#got so hung up on what to caption this due to the actually knowing things about the funeral industry#like “no I can't put embalmer in the title his ass is NOT qualified”#funnily enough I still totally drew most of this wrong because MY ass is not qualified#although I did seriously consider studying to be a funeral director in 10th grade that is not where we are today#I just like caitlin doughty and thinking about dead bodies okay#shoutout to caitlin doughty love her
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This pride month made my brain get maxley rot
#maxley#max x bradley#NO BUT SERIOUSLY#WHERE DID THIS COME FROM#I just found out about it today#AND I AM OBSESSED#the extremely goofy movie#max goof#bradley uppercrust iii#like#what#I need coleydoesthings to do a video on this#IT HAS SO MANY FICS WTF#WHY DOES IT WORK SO GOOD????#WHY AND HOW AM I ACTUALLY INTO IT???#I forgot this movie existed until today#I can’t believe fucking maxley is what is going to get me out of my writer’s block#fucking MAX X BRADLEY OF ALL THINGS#pride month#love wins#so called ‘free thinkers’ would give Disney their souls if they made Maxley canon#I’m talking about me#I’m the free-thinkers#genuinely I haven’t been this obsessed about a ship so quickly since#fucking uh#I can’t even remember#even Luigi x browser didn’t have such a chokehold on me#why. why do they have such good chemistry—#I can’t believe I’m tagging this#disney
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i'm gonna share a bit of wisdom with you, because this is how i approach writing both my hyper intelligent characters who also happen to be idiots:
you can be super competent in what you do, and still walk into a light pole.
#( ooc )#( tbd )#// thinking about this again today#// mostly because missing the whimsy in emmrich is a mistake#// if he's too serious he stops being who he is#// but seriously#// no one is immune to tripping over their own feet#// and i can't be serious to save my life like...ever#// and if you're not occasionally taking the piss out of your characters#// for being disasters#// are you even living?#// i got one cosplaying a fucking lich the first time you meet him#// who forgets he's got his lich mask on#// and one who has to have the cheez-its hidden from him#// because he'll eat them all#// does that make them any less top of their fields no#// but they are stupid#// and that's where we live#// eta: it ties into i think me hating pissing matches#// and writing characters who know they don't know everything#// and will seek out the people that know what they don't#// instead of being dicks about it ig
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What annoys me is when allos are so caught up in their amatonormativity (or just allonormativity) that any statement akin to "romance is not or less important to some/you don't need a partner to complete you" comes across to them as downplaying their own relationships, present or past, and then take offence, raising their pitchforks crying out about how they love their partner and for good measure throw in something like "being by yourself is selfish", "falling in love is what makes us human", "everyone wants a relationship"...
They don't though. That's the thing. There are people that are perfectly content without a romantic relationship, whether at all or just for the season of life they are in at the moment.
So heres my message to those people:
Me maybe not ever wanting a relationship is my preference and has nothing to do with you. Me stating that there are people like me does not devalue your relationship. If you perceive it as such, then that is on you and you might want to learn to not take shit that isn't an affront personally. End of PSA.
*awkward curtsy*
#aromantic#aro#aroace#fuck amatonormativity#seriously tiring#tired of this shit#when I say I don't want a dog because it doesnt fit my lifestyle or I don’t know how to take care of one properly#or because I JUST DONT WANT TO then no one bats an eye#can we do the same for relationships please#what do you care if I have a partner or not#and if you come at me for using a dog as a metaphor you're getting blocked#you know what I mean and of you dont then just ask#dont be rude#or else like I said youre blocked#i have no fucks to give today
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I’m being so deadass when I say 13 year old me might’ve accidentally manifested my desires from when I first watched fifty shades of grey, because tell me why I’m catching a flight for a man twice my age next month????
#like HELLLOOOOOO WHAT#the resemblances between some aspects of the first movies plot and mine and his relationship so far… is uncanny I dare say!#this occurred to me maybe yesterday but it like Really Sank In today and holy fuck man lmaoooo#I am literally a master manifester o get anything I yearn for actually#it seriously is as simple as that??#shifting motivation#manifestation#manifesting#manifesation#manifestation success story#manifestation motivation#shifting blog#law of assumption blog#law of assumption#loassumption#loa tumblr#loa blog
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this expression rook makes sometimes where they press their lips together to smile and it's all rueful and fond in a way that looks like it hurts a bit. cry if you agree
#the quality of expression animation fluctuates a bit throughout the game (I mean. of course it fucking does. do you realize#just how much of it is needed in this thing it's fucking *insane*)#but there are so many small nuances of it scattered here and there that have SUCH an impact to me#rook animates so specifically in some ways they're like. a set dude. a person. with certain trends of expression#and I really like that#dragon age#dragon age: the veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard spoilers#dragon age spoilers#oc: Ellaryen Ingellvar#bellara is the one person rye doesn't let the snark out with *most* of the time b/c he saw how much it hurts her to not be taken seriously#and not have her pain or fear be taken seriously. and was like 'I would rather cut my own hand off than intentionally hurt you in any way#I guess I'll have to *shudders delicately* be perfectly earnest for a moment.#none of the rest of you get used to it this is bellara only privileges time'#this is a rare moment of 'literally I cannot think about this today bellara this is what I'm capable of giving right now.#would you care for some carefully curated denial in these troubling times I've worked really hard on it'
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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Taylor on the red carpet
Video credit: @/11份面包 (cuz I was so busy screaming over his outfit that I missed it myself 😂)
#rwrb#red white and royal blue#rwrb movie#taylor zakhar perez#alex claremont diaz#He's a fucking fantastic model but no surprise there#But seriously as someone who once upon a time wanted to be a fashion designer#What the fuck#Why the shoulder pads#Why brown with bright red#Like even bungrundy would have looked better#And he had a perfectly good outfit for the photo shoot and the blue carpet???#Why change???#He really fucking looks like Alex though which *chef's kiss#Also#Gong Jun the only one person I care about at this event also wore bright red#Also not that flattering on him#What the fuck is up with my two fav being the red coded character in their ship wearing bright red today
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im so happy for you that fiction doesnt effect your reality. thats not the case for all of us though ✌️
#and intentionally trying to fuck with people or fuck them up bc you know theyre sensitive about what they consume- makes you evil!#sorry! not taking any nuance on that particular thing today <3#no reason to psychologically torment anyone ever especially not a trans guy online you were told to dislike <3 <3 <3#like some of yall only like saying 'fiction doesnt effect reality' SOLELY so you can harass and fuck with people for whomst it DOES effect.#and i think that makes you evil yeah. i feel p confident about that one. get a life seriously and get over your edgy bully teenager persona#genuinely some people are endlessly searching for an excuse to treat other people like shit#if you do this- only say that shit to excuse harassing someone else- you should prolly do the world the favor and off yourself.#or stay as far away from humanity till you can get over your desire to be a smug piece of shit that cant offer ppl basic human respect#we get it you can make up 'logical' sounding reasons for why you get to treat THIS particular person like shit. like i get it i rly do#but you really gotta get over that urge. maybe theres no acceptable target. and maybe thats what scares you most.#bc the only way you know how to express and release your anger rn is by hurting other people...#and if theres no acceptable targets... and you're hurting people.......#you might actually be doing something wrong! that would warrant valid criticism you cant as easily ignore w/o your excuses!#and lord forbid you ever see yourself as being someone who does something wrong *gasp* Blasphemy to even suggest such right?#hey trust me- its not a new thing to vent your anger by hurting people at all. you should know that. thats prolly how your dad treated you.#and thats why you hate the assertion so much- bc you might end up being more like the person who abused you than you thought#but instead of confront that and break it down and work on it- you stubbornly deny it. so then you keep repeating the abuse.#bc your oh so perfect ass could NEVER do wrong surely not. you've built pride on seeing yourself as a better person than your father.#so i get why it might all crumble down and make you pissy if someone asserts that you're not too different........#to be clear bc this post got super hyper specific n even tho i connected everything its still weird how i got from point a to b but-#you're like your father in the sense that you hurt people to relieve your anger. got it? got it. bc i dont think i was clear sdgkjgdshjbk#the conclusion to my thesis wasnt conclusioning yknow
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