#what do you mean you have to do science stream in order to get that license?

[yoddhasblog]

RCI, you dumb group of idiots

[i-like-blue-eyed-robots]

Wheatley has ADHD

It’s a common enough occurrence that it probably deserves its own trope — aliens, robots and any other nonhuman character almost always end up with autistic traits. It’s because writers take a nonhuman character and go ‘well, how do I make this character register as nonhuman, but still human enough that audiences will like them?’ And the answer is making them neurodivergent. I’m not personally inclined to say that this is a good or a bad thing, though I can see how it might be taken that way.

However, some authors like myself do it intentionally, to demonstrate how neurodivergent people can end up ostracized.

Some examples of common traits that are autistic-coded and writers give to nonhuman characters are as follows:

-difficulty understanding metaphor, sarcasm or exaggeration

-overly blunt in communication

-unawareness of others emotions/incorrect reaction to said emotions

-difficulty realizing their own emotions

-need for a strict schedule in order to be happy

Of course, there’s more out there, but I’ve seen these pop up quite a lot.

However, the Portal series’ fantastic writing team did not follow these stereotypes with their robots, and that’s what I would like to cover today.

I would go over GLaDOS in relation to this idea, like she clearly understands sarcasm, but she doesn’t quite fit for reasons that would be obvious to anyone who’s played through Portal 2. I’m here to talk about Wheatley, the other main robot we get to know in Portal 2.

Wheatley is not autistic coded. He has no problem speaking to strangers or making eye contact. He enjoys sarcasm almost as much as GLaDOs, and so on and so forth.

However, Wheatley is most definitely neurodivergent-coded, and it’s fascinating because for once, maybe for the only time ever in popular media that I’ve ever noticed, a robot is adhd-coded instead of being autistic-coded.

What do I mean by that? First of all, if you haven’t finished Portal 2 go do it now. It’s relatively cheap on Steam and it’s amazing. Moving on — it all stems from what we’re told Wheatley is, during the betrayal scene with GLaDOS. Now to preface this, GLaDOS is a liar. You can take most of what she says with a grain of salt. But, what she says is all we have officially to go off of.

To add further context to this line, the personality cores or “Aperture Science Personality Constructs” (the line of robots that Wheatley is a part of) were specifically built in order to be plugged into GLaDOS’ systems to slow her down and to keep her from killing everyone in Aperture. In the first Portal game, Chell, the player character, incinerates the four ‘successful’ cores that supposedly were the last ones needed to stop GLaDOS. However, given that the character has to travel through an empty facility to do so, it’s clear that they weren’t nearly as successful as the engineers had thought. Later, as core after core was built and none of them worked to stop GLaDOS, Aperture was needing robot maintenance of some kind since all of their human faculty were being killed, fired due to financial ruin, and/or quitting, and so the personality constructs were repurposed to try and keep the facility from falling apart.

Aside from GlaDOS and Wheatley, we don’t see any “non-corrupted” cores. And even both of them are corrupted, with GLaDOS being 80% corrupted and Wheatley assumedly 25%, after doing some quick math of the boss fight. This would normally affect my ability for confident analysis, but luckily in this case I don’t need them to prove that good ol Wheatley is adhd-coded.

Because right from the get-go, “generating an endless stream of terrible ideas” sounds pretty damn adhd to me, as someone who has both inattentive and hyperactive adhd myself. Now, that’s not to say every idea a person with adhd has is a bad one. That’s not even the case with Wheatley, despite it being what we’re told, because again, GLaDOS is an unreliable narrator. It’s Wheatley’s ideas that keep her from killing Chell with turrets or neurotoxin. He’s the one who gets Chell to dismantle those systems. Those are clearly not bad ideas.

But what about other adhd traits? Having an endless stream of ideas isn’t even on a symptom list of being adhd, it’s usually just a side effect of everything else going on. Well, Wheatley has plenty of them.

Hyperactive-type adhd symptoms include but are not limited to;

-fidgeting

-excessive physical movement

-excessive talking

-impulsive behavior

-restlessness/impatience

Oh but how can a robot ball fidget or have excessive physical movement, you may ask. Well. This is the most expressive ball I have ever seen in my life. Wheatley is constantly moving, shifting panels, popping his eye out, spinning in his casing and so forth. The excessive talking one is easy, my younger brother (also an adhd yapper, who has no room to talk) was trying to throw Wheatley over the railing into the bottomless pit beneath Aperture “because he was yapping” too much. This is unusual for a robot character (outside of the Portal series) whereas they tend to speak when spoken to. Wheatley is generally impulsive, but this is especially noticeable when he’s hooked up to the facility in the GLaDOS chassis. After PotatOS calls him a moron, he proceeds to punch her and Chell into the abyss below without thinking about it, reacting out of anger until he realizes they’re about to drop, right before they do. Interestingly, that sort of impulsive rage reaction is more often seen in monster characters, like perhaps a werewolf situation. It sort of adds to the framing that now Wheatley is in control of the facility, he has become something monstrous. Now, judging his patience level accurately is difficult, given that in the beginning he’s in a high-stress, deadly situation and later, when he’s in the chassis, he’s being affected by symptoms of drug withdrawal. However, he is impatient, such as when he’s playing the recorded sound of knocking on a door at the beginning. Granted, he’ll go on ‘knocking’ forever because it’s necessary for the story, but he speaks up every couple of minutes asking if you/Chell are going to open the door already. Again, this is unique for a robot character, as they tend to wait on a player or another character’s actions before responding to it, rather than initiating.

Impressively, these are not all the symptoms Wheatley demonstrates. There is another form of adhd, known as Inattentive-type adhd. The symptoms can include the following;

-Short attention span

-Overlooking details

-Careless mistakes

-Inability to stick to tedious tasks

-Difficulty organizing tasks

-Constantly changing tasks

-Difficulty listening to and carrying out instructions

For having a short attention span, this is again, difficult to determine for Wheatley in a normal setting. In the beginning he’s mostly able to focus, but he’s in a life-or-death scenario. However, he does ramble on about things that have no relevance to what he and the player character are doing, such as when he’s telling the player character about the many jobs he’s had around Aperture and been subsequently released from. He definitely has issues overlooking details, such as when he and Chell are supposed to be dismantling the neurotoxin facilities. While he’s busy ‘hacking’ a computer that may or may not even regulate the facility in the first place, Chell dismantles the generator and he doesn’t even realize she’s doing it at first, because he’s distracted listing off the hardware of the computer. As for careless mistakes, again, this could be simply the situation he’s in, but he definitely makes them. Like when he’s transporting the relaxation chamber in the first chapter, he runs into an unbelievable amount of other relaxation chambers, tearing Chell’s apart. Or even when he’s supposed to be guiding her around Aperture but he dips into wrong corners and has to recorrect. He most visibly has difficulty with tedious tasks when he’s in the chassis, as the facility is literally falling apart because he didn’t bother reading the manual or taking care of the massive amount of upkeep the facility requires. But again, he’s suffering symptoms of drug withdrawal as well that could be affecting his ability to do that. However, given his descriptions of his job loss, mentioned above, we can gather that this is likely an issue he had before ever being a part of the core transfer. This also is in line with difficulty organizing tasks. As for constantly changing tasks, again, he has somewhat better focus in the beginning because if he doesn’t he’ll die, and later he’s exceptionally distracted by a need to test. But even when he should be consumed with the need to test, and he does watch Chell for most of it, he does stop watching randomly at times to do… Who knows what. When it should be the only thing he can focus on. As for difficulty listening to and carrying out instructions, again, the facility falls apart and Wheatley kept being fired for similar, if not the same reasons.

So. That covers basic symptoms and how Wheatley fits pretty much all of them. But, a lesser known side effect of adhd is that it can easily lead to the development of other neurodivergent disorders such as anxiety and depression. Adhd is also linked to something known as emotional dysregulation. Wheatley clearly exhibits signs of anxiety. He’s terrified of dying, and says as much at several points. Not only is he especially scared of dying, but he’s scared of judgment, too. He’s constantly trying to seem more important or smarter than he is, and even though Chell is a silent protagonist, when he takes over the facility before being affected by the testing withdrawals, he assumes she’s been secretly plotting against him the entire time. Depression is more difficult to spot in Wheatley, as he’s not lethargic, but, again, a high-stakes situation can allow a person to mask their symptoms for a brief period out of self-preservation.

However, I do want to point out he clearly displays emotional dysregulation, and not in the way one might expect from a robot character. Wheatley is exceptionally sensitive to criticism. When GLaDOS begins her spiel about him being an intelligence dampening sphere, he moves as far away he can from her, turning his back so he doesn’t have to look at her. He even goes so far as to say “Not listening!” while she’s saying it. Then when she calls him a moron, he reacts violently, in a way he hadn’t so far in the game before that moment. He smashes her through the glass of the elevator and then, when she proceeds to call him a moron again, is when he smashes PotatOS and Chell into the pit. However, he doesn’t even need to even be actively insulted to react to perceived insults as just as much of a threat to his psyche. As mentioned earlier, despite Chell being a silent protagonist, and in some ways because Chell is a silent protagonist, Wheatley assumes that she’s been plotting against him from the start. Her perceived attacks against him are most especially notable during the boss fight. He points out that she’s always quiet, assuming that she’s “silently judging” him. He points out that she didn’t catch him when he fell off of his management rail in the beginning, and that she didn’t warn him that she was the one who killed GLaDOS.

All in all, Wheatley is a beautifully three-dimensional character, not in spite of being a robot, but rather, in some ways, because of it.

[the-cat-and-the-birdie]

You don't need to worry about the ATSV fandom dying. As someone whose been in the Marvel fandom over ten years - I can assure you this is natural.

The ATSV Fandom Isn't Dead: A brief look into the science of fandoms.

[me standing beside Hobie beaming my thoughts of love and adoration into his head like I'm professor x]

A lot of people are afraid of the ATSV dying - and I don't blame them.

In the era of shows releasing all in one day, or movies coming to streaming almost immediately - it's not hard to say we're in an era were content is consumed at ridiculously rapid rates.

I mean, this time last year Wednesday was breaking records on Netflix. Where's the hype now?

I know you see it too, there's less posts everyday in the Hobie tag, less screenshot breakdowns, etc etc etc.

But I'm here to tell you - The ATSV fandom is doing just fine. Better than fine. All of this is meant to happen.

Let me put it into perspective.

ATSV released on June 2nd - it's November.

ATSV released a little over six months ago.

For reference: The Avengers (2012) was released on May 4th.

The Avengers DVD wasn't available for purchase until SEPTEMBER 25th - almost SIX months later.

The time that the Hobie fandom has formed and existed - is the same amount of time people had to wait just to see The Avengers again.

Large periods of time where tags only get three posts a day TOPS was nothing to fear. xReaders and fanfics held the fandom over until the next trailer, the next sneak peek or leak.

Prior to the release of streaming, only a little more than ten years ago - it was NATURAL for a fandom to wait six months before even seeing the movie for a second time.

And mind you - streaming didn't exist. If you wanted to see The Avengers again, you had to go out and BUY it. $26.99.

If you wanted to order it online - you'd have to get it shipped to you. Before Disney plus, we watched on BlueRay Discs.

And the fandom was fine and healthy.

If a fandom that doesn't even have a DVD release can keep up content for six months, I think we'll be fine.

But I'll admit - there's still the question:

If the ATSV fandom is 'doing fine' then where is everyone going? Why are the tags getting slower?

The answer is simple:

FANDOM BIOLOGY

I LOVE social sciences and the systems people create and how they work - even unintentionally.

And I have a theory - one about the natural evolution and regeneration of fandom. Hear me out -

When it comes to ATSV:

We are leaving the Analysation Phase, the phase in which content creation is centered around deciphering and breaking down the most recent installment in the fandom.

During this phase usually see art of newer characters, new ships, meta breakdowns, easter egg point-outs.

We were in that phase.

Once the Analysation Phase dies down, usually main content creators may remain. The intermediate or liminal period.

The intermediate is usually when you'll see more x-reader art pop-up, the levels of fanart evening out as artists return to their favorite characters - usually incorporating any new ones they gained from the last installment.

Shitposts usually also become popular around this time, as the shock and weight of the story wear off, and we're more able to joke about the storyline a lot more light-heartedly.

That's why the intermediate point is often see as the passion 'dying out'.

When in fact, it is the fandom getting comfortable. Resting for the next phase.

And after a few months, the next phase comes:

The Speculation Phase:

The Speculation Phase cannot come until the Analysation Phase is over.

During the Analysation Phase the fandom begins to breakdown and digest the writers intentions. They integrate the new character into the story, and the fandom.

As the audience and fandom talk amongst each other, we get more solid ideas of who the characters are, what their motivations might be, and most important of all-

What they might do.

In the Speculation Phase we turn from the last installment - and start looking towards the future.

Let's take Hobie for example.

Looking at the timeline of the Hobie fandom, we can see a progression.

Originally taken as a punk-rockstar and little more, throughout the months the fandom began posting things about punk culture, the 70's, Hobie's motivation in the comics, and how that all correlates to him.

As the fandom analyzed, the collective zeitgeist and understanding of Hobie grew into something a lot more sound, and telling.

We looked at the parellels he provides in the story, and what kind of person he is.

And because if that we have seen a marked improvement in people's contextual understanding of Hobie - as a punk and a hero.

And now that we can understand him - we can predict him.

The same goes for Miguel - over the months, a lot of us have began to question if we know him as well as we think we do , if we really know the kinda person he is -

And if we really know what he's doing to do.

That's where the Speculation Phase comes in.

The Speculation Phase in fandom is when we see some of the most passion - and instead of tapering off overtime, it builds. More and more until the next release.

The Speculation Phase is when the fandom takes the analysis' and from there, they begin to theorize.

Now that we understand, we can begin to predict.

And this is arguably one of the most interesting parts in a fandoms natural ecosystem.

During the Speculation Phase, we can see a number of diverse opinions appear.

As more and more creators begin to gather their understanding, tips from the writers, new released news, and past comic book arcs, we start to see dozens of triguing paths the writers can take us on.

As more news releases, the more hype people get. I mean - imagine how you'll feel when they release the first new poster of Hobie, or Miles? Or when we get to see Miles.G in the trailer?

And with each new poster, or trailer, we're given clues. The theorizes develop more. And the plot thickens.

It's all natural.

So I can understand the fear. Only getting one or two new posts when you visit the Hobie tag can be a bummer. But it's natural and it's GOOD.

Y'all, we need to conserve our energy. We are in the liminal phase. And they never last long.

With the news of the voice actors back in the studio, and a cliff-hanger like we have - I can assure you, it's only a matter of time before we begin to see the theories, the trailer breakdowns, the people guessing what Miguel might do, or exactly how much tech Hobie is hiding.

And when that time comes we need to be READY. I can already feel it on the horizon.

I really wonder what they'll do with all that left over Hobie concept art.

Plus with explosion of Hobie approval, I wonder if they'll add him in even more. Hobie fan-service anyone?

Hmmm...

But chill y'all, we're on the right track -

-------------------------------------

If you read this far, as always THANK YOU SO MUCH!! And as a token of my appreciation, I hand you this Hobie. Hold him gently please

Bye 💗

[heartfullofleeches]

Yandere Streamer + Delivery Driver Reader Blurb

"Package!"

You bang your fist against the apartment door, lock popping open after the second beat. Music floods from its cracks, leaving you curious as to how anyone heard you when another resident on this very floor couldn't hear you from their own living room. The query fades into irrelevancy as you wheel your cart closer to the opening door. The only thing that mattered was getting the job done so you could finally head home.

"Yeah?"

"Package for a uh...." You flip through your notes. "Miller?" That was definitely a new one. You've been delivering packages to this apartment complex from a local warehouse store for a few months by now to the point you almost knew everyone's name. The home owner's tired face gains an enormous grin, but not at the mention of the name. Rather, the voice behind it.

"Yeah, that's me. Sorry, thought you might've been someone else."

"I understand. From what I have here, you ordered a new surveillance camera, a gaming chair, and a set of deadbolt locks. You also requested set up for the chair. Is that correct?"

"Sounds about right. Come on in. Bedroom's to your right. Try not to take too long, I'm going live soon." You drag the cart in as Miller shuts and secures the door; chain lock clicking into place.

You park outside of the bedroom door, carrying the needed supplies inside and adding them to a plethora of boxes already situated inside. Must've just moved in, you conclude; despite all the worn posters and furniture placed around the room. The boxes were stacked in a way that they were out of general sight of a computer set up near a bolted window. Oddly enough, there was already a chair in front of it.

"New one's for my partner." Miller answers to the question you hadn't even asked, pointing at the chair. "Couples streaming seemed like a good way to welcome them home. All this other stuff is theirs too. Don't have much from their old home and I wanted to spoil them."

"When do they move in?"

"Today."

"I see.." You trail away from the conversation as you focus all your mental energy towards assembling their chair. You never got the proper training for this part of the job, but it wasn't rock science. Miller even helped you get started before they left the room, music blaring through the other corners of the house as they work on their own tasks. Three quarters of an hour down, and you've got it done. Miller had reentered the room around the time and had been working on their computer. They usher you over to bring the chair, offering you a seat for all your hard work.

"Y'know, I should be thanking you for all your hard work. You don't know how many times I've had to reschedule my order because they kept sending your coworker instead. Made no sense, but I guess you had other deliveries. It's whatever. All that's in the past now, baby."

Before you can ask what they mean, Miller puts on their headphones and presses a button on the keyboard. Your puzzled face appears on screen, blocked partially by the bill of your hat.

"Hey, guys! I'm here with my first stream with my spouse. Told you I was taken. I know I've hyped up their arrival, it just took a while to get things settled, but now they're finally home and here to stay."

[eveandtheturtles]

Dating Advice

Ship: Leo X Reader

A/N: Leo can't catch a break it seems lol I am going to continue bully him for a lil bit more. With the help of his fam ;)

Tagging: @madammuffins @turtle-babe83 @thelaundrybitch

Anyone else want in let me know!

Recently Leo has been a bit antsy. A bit more... jumpy? But only in the presence of one person.

April noted his behaviour as you left the lair and immediately pulled him aside.

"Okay, spill." She sat him down in the kitchen and gave him her best 'big sis time' look.

"I- don't know what you mean," he said slowly, clearing his throat and looking away. "Now if you excuse me-" he started getting up.

"Sit," she ordered and he sat back down. "Come on Leo," she softened her tone. "I want to help."

He sighed heavily and tapped his finger over the table. "Fine," he sighed, finally giving in. "It's- well,... How do you ask somebody out? Asking for a friend."

April smiled and was about to answer when as if summoned Mikey popped up behind them.

"Who is asking who out?" He asked.

"No one!" Leo tried to stop the train from crashing but too late.

"I think Leo likes your new friend a little more than 'just friends'," April informed him.

"That's nothing new." Suddenly Donnie spoke up from the coffee spot. He had crawled out of his science cave to inject more caffeine in his blood stream. "You aren't that hard to read Leo," he added seeing the shocked face of his brother.

"Can we stop with the bullying?" The blue masked turtled sighed.

"Who are we bullying?" Raph asked as he emerged freshly post work out with a towel around his neck.

"Leo." All three replied.

The terrapin in question sighed again leaning his head down and rubbing a spot on his forehead. He could feel the headache coming.

"Oh, really?" Raph grinned. "What about?"

"He wants to ask Sweetness out," Mikey informed him.

"I never said I want to! It's for a friend!" Leo protested.

"Really? What is his name?" April asked with a wide grin.

Leo opened and closed his mouth. He then made an undignified noise and slid lower in his chair.

"That's what I thought," she said smugly.

"Bro, you could like make a song for her, chicks are into this kinda thing, right?" Mikey looked at April.

She made an 'eh' face. "Depends."

"Or a poem." Raph placed one hand on Leo's shoulder. "I got one for you bro."

"Don't." Leo glared at him.

"Roses are read, violets are blue." Raph ignored him and continued. "Guess what, my bed has place for two."

"Good one!" Mikey snickered. "How about - twinkle, twinkle little star, we can do it in the car."

The two hollered with laughter, even April had to bite her lips not to join them. Leo was suffering.

"Mikey, if you get anywhere near the turtle tank with that intent I will cut you off the WiFi for life and set your hover board on fire," Donnie spoke up.

"Yes, sir!" Mikey immediately sobered up. Donnie threats were no laughing matter.

"Thank you!" Leo called out, hoping the torment was over. He was wrong.

"That being said -," Donnie took a sip of his coffee and cleared his throat.

"Oh, no." Leo sunk further down.

"Row, row, row your boat, gently down the stream," purple terrapin sang. "Merrily, merrily, I can make you scream."

"Oh, my god," Leo groaned. "You are my family, but you are all terrible, you dicks."

"Eh, you love us," April patted his hand.

"Hey guys," you re-entered the lair. "I forgot my bag." You took the scene in and frowned. "Is something wrong?"

Suddenly all the eyes were on Leo and he just wanted to disappear.

"Nope," he jumped out of the chair. "Everything is peachy! Let me walk you home." He rushed to your side and threw a death glare at his snickering family.

You were very confused as Leo escorted you out.

"What was that all about?" You asked. "It looked like you guys were having an intervention," you joked.

"It was nothing, they just thought they were being funny," he huffed.

"Were they giving you shit because you haven't asked me out yet?" You smirked, giving him a side eye.

Leo felt like a scratch record. "What?" He blinked at you, stopping abruptly.

"You aren't that hard to read Leo." You took his hand. "Also I was listening to the whole thing for quite a while. The sewers do carry sounds well."

His heart was about to jump out of his chest. "And um, do you, would you mind if I did?"

"Nope, so come on, shoot your shot." You nudged him gently.

"Alright," he took a deep breath in. Here it goes. He will not mess it up. "Do you take out game?"

Fuck.

"I mean - Will you check me out? No!" He pinched the bridge oh his snout.

You tried so hard not to laugh.

"I can do this," he said probably more to himself than you. "Will you. Go with me. To the Knicks game this Saturday?"

You giggled and stood up on your tip toes giving him a kiss on the cheek. "Yes, with pleasure."

"Great!!" He smiled brightly. "I can pick you up at 6?"

"Sounds perfect. See you then." You gave his hand a squeeze and exited the sewers. A smile never leaving your face.

Once you were gone he fist pumped, excited. You said yes! That was such a relief! He felt so good he was going to clean the dojo!

Figuring out how to prevent his brothers from going to the game was future Leo problem.

[musings-of-a-rose]

I Don't Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) - Chapter 5

Pairing: Benny Miller x wife!reader nicknamed “Juni”

Word Count: 3000+

Rating: Mature - 18+ ONLY!

Warnings: Just like ao3, “creator chooses not to use warnings.” If you click Keep Reading, that means you agree that you’re the age to handle mature themes. Also by clicking Keep Reading, you understand warnings may not be complete in order to avoid spoilers for the story. 

Notes: HUGE shoutout to @laurfilijames for listening to me babble about this fic. I hope you enjoy your husband Will! This is not beta’d - we yeet and post.

**If you want to be added to the taglist, join here or let me know!

❤If you enjoy the fic, please consider giving me a warm beverage! (It is not required in any way!)

→Tell Tumblr this should be shared with others by reblogging! That's what the algorithm loves (it's how it works here. I don't make the rules!)

**Reader is not described

Main Masterlist

Benny Miller Masterlist

I Don’t Want to See Tomorrow (Unless I See It With You) series masterlist

Sunlight streams through the cracks in the wooden boards on the wall, casting light on my face. I yawn, stretching when my hand bumps against something. No, someone. In my bed. Before I can react, the body beside me shifts, rolling to face me so the light hits his face.

Benny. So it wasn’t a dream.

I reach out, gently tracing my finger across his cheek. He’s always been so beautiful. A hand shoots out, gripping my wrist as he rolls on top of me, pinning my arms to the sides of my head. His bright blue eyes roam over my face before leaning down to press his lips gently to mine.

“This is still real?” He whispers. 

I nod. “Real.”

After spending some time between my thighs to make sure I was really real, we managed to get dressed and head into the kitchen area. We crack open a box of Sugar Bombs cereal and grab some leftover Brahmin jerky, sipping on our purified water as we idly chat. 

“Did…did anyone else..” I hesitantly ask.

Benny nods, swallowing a bite of jerky. “Yeah! Frankie and Santi joined the Brotherhood. They don’t always agree with what they stand for, but Frankie has a ton of knowledge about the vertibirds. Plus it gets him flying. And you know Santi can’t ever sit still.”

I chuckle, remembering how Santi would flit from place to place, even on leave. Usually from bed to bed too. “What about Will and Tom?”

Benny takes another sip of water. “Tom owns the bar in Diamond City. Will is living there too with his wife.”

My jaw drops. “Wife?? Why didn’t you tell me this first? What’s her name?”

“Lauren. Nice, but keeps him in line too. Honestly, they’re perfect for each other.”

“Was she in a vault too?”

Benny shakes his head. “No. She was living on a farm that got overtaken by Raiders. She just managed to escape. Will found her half dead but full of fight. They hit it off right away and not just because he had clean water.”

“Well I’m glad he found someone.” 

“Yeah me too. He was getting annoying.”

I remember something I’d seen him do the day before. “Hey, I wanted to ask you something.”

“Shoot.”

“Yesterday, when I came home and you were just magically there. How did you just disappear? In the darkness?”

Benny takes his time finishing his bite of food, washing it down with the last of his water. “A couple years after I woke up, I heard about another group trying to establish themselves here. The Enclave. I’d had the thought about being a merc so I figured out where they were as they were a science-y type group. They were able to, uh, mod me out. Make it so I can see in the dark, I can jump a little higher than normal, take some more damage and rads (radiation) than others. I also have better aim.”

My jaw drops. “How?”

He rubs the back of his neck, not quite meeting my eyes and it makes me nervous. “I uh…it’s an implant of sorts.”

“YOU LET THEM CUT INTO YOU??”

He finally looks at me but to my surprise, his eyes are sad. “You were gone. I figured I had nothing to lose.”

I cup his face and turn him to me. “Oh Benny.” I give him a soft kiss. “I’m so sorry.”

“ ‘s not your fault….anyway, they implanted me, asked me to do some tests and runs. Then one day they got into it with the Brotherhood or some other vault dweller. They were just gone. But the mods still work so..” he shrugs, then turns his head, pointing to a line behind his ear. “This is where they went.”

I trace the scar with my finger. “Did it hurt?”

He lets out a hard scoff. “Like a mother fucker. But they’ve kept me alive more than once.”

I turn his face back to me. “Well now I’m back, please don’t let anyone else cut open your skull to put shit in it, ok?”

He smiles at me. “Deal.” 

He closes the distance between us, pressing his lips to mine, his large hand cupping the back of my head to hold me closer. I moan into him, my fingers twisting in his shirt as he lays me back, pressing me into the couch. I wrap my legs around him, gasping when he pushes himself against me..but then the sound of a gun cocking into place makes us both freeze.

“What the fuck is going on?”

I glance up into the eyes of Preston, who has his gun aimed directly at Benny. 

“Preston-”

“Get off of her! You don’t get to come in here and take-”

“Preston! It’s Benny.”

“-take whatever what??” Preston’s mouth falls open in disbelief. “Benny is the Nightshade?!”

“Apparently so.”

Preston continues to stare, not moving his gun. Benny clears his throat. “I’d uh, shake your hand but you’re sort of aiming at me.”

“I’m not sure I shouldn’t shoot.”

I sigh. “Don’t, Preston. Because if you shoot him, I’ll have to shoot you and I really don’t want to clean up all that blood.”

His eyes shift from Benny’s to mine. “You vouch for him?”

“Of course.”

After a few moments, Preston lowers his gun but doesn’t holster it, his eyes never leaving Benny. “I think I need an explanation.”

Benny looks to me for confirmation and I nod. “Like I told you, Preston’s a good guy. He’s trying to do good with the Minutemen. I think he deserves to know the truth.”

Benny nods, trusting in me fully. He shifts his attention to Preston and tells him everything, ending with meeting me at Red Rocket.

“Well I’ll be. I never would’ve considered that the Nightshade was your Benny.”

“Who would have?”

Preston turns back to Benny. “I didn’t realize all of what you are doing for the Commonwealth. Many people have their lives because of you doing the work you do. I’m sorry that you don’t get the recognition you deserve.”

Benny shrugs. “Probably best I don’t. I have a feeling the Raiders wouldn’t work with me if they knew the full extent of everything.”

“Do you mind if I tell my people? A condensed version.”

Benny nods. “Maybe leave out the part about the mods? I keep that pretty quiet.”

“Agreed.” Preston stands and holds his hand out to Benny. He takes it and they shake. “Why don’t you come meet the family, officially?”

They were weary of Benny at first and I can’t blame them. His reputation as the Nightshade preceded him and it’s a big one. The only person who didn’t seem phased was Mama Murphy, who simply gave him a knowing smile, glancing between us. Like she knew exactly who he was the entire time. 

As the weeks went by, and Benny helped everyone out from the gardening to helping refortify not only our defenses but our homes too, people started to warm up to him. Group meal times were no longer silent and tense, people starting to chat and even sing once Benny presented his makeshift guitar he’d been secretly making. A couple months after we were reunited, he comes home after helping a new family of settlers fix the last spot on their roof. I give him a kiss and motion towards the counter where I had set a bowl of corn soup for him. 

“Thanks, Juni. That new family is all settled. Their little girl is so cute. She was following me around and asking me all kinds of questions.”

“She is adorable. She came over to play with Dogmeat yesterday. He ate that shit up.”

Benny laughs as he takes a slurp of his soup. “I bet he did. But I was thinking…I think I need to make a trip back to Diamond City. I gotta see Will. Let him know about, well. You.”

I nod. “I’m going with you.”

“You’d be ok with leaving for a bit? It’ll be dangerous.”

I scoff. “It’s the Commonwealth, Benny. Everything is dangerous.”

“Fair point.”

We leave for Diamond City a couple of days later just before the sun comes up. I command Dogmeat to stay behind, as much as it kills me. It’ll be better for him and the new little girl just adores him. Still, I’m going to miss the hell out of him.

It takes us longer than it normally would for us to get to Diamond City, which they built inside Fenway Park. Pretty cool idea if you ask me. But with all of the debris and general rubble from not only the bombs but the past 200 years, we have to take a longer route. Fortunately for me, Benny is familiar with the nearly hidden paths through the city. We only encounter a random pack of feral ghouls, which Benny spots from a distance and takes them all out before they even know we’re around. 

We turn a corner and I nearly collide with a man dressed in umpire gear, a rifle held in his hands. Benny waves and calls the man by name and they chat for a few minutes. Apparently, Diamond City has enough people to put out patrols a few miles from the city. It helps to keep out things and people that they don’t want infiltrating their protected city.

We make it easily through their security, Benny having his reputation seems to open doors a little bit quicker than the rest of us. Once the heavy doors slide closed behind us, Benny takes my hand and we walk forward, looking down on what was once Fenway Park and my jaw drops.

I’d heard the Minutemen talk about Diamond City, but nothing could’ve prepared me for what I’m seeing. The dirt is still there, buried under sidewalks made from old pallets and wood slabs. All around in what I’m sure is an actual street-like layout, are buildings of different sizes and shapes, all made from some sort of sheet metal slabs or old cars, some are even old buses! The middle of Fenway, or the middle of town, is what looks like a giant smoke stack, people below it sitting at counters and eating whatever is on the menu for the day. It seems to stretch on and all I can do is stare.

“Told you it was pretty impressive,” Benny whispers in my ear, squeezing my hand gently. “Come on. Will and Lauren live higher up.”

We take a few sets of stairs, some there from before the bombs and some makeshift more recently, to what would’ve been the fancy seat boxes back in its hayday. Benny explains that some of the box's walls were knocked down to make them bigger and people could live in them - if you had enough caps (money) for it. Will is head of security here so he definitely has the pull. We stop outside one of them and Benny knocks, waiting for a moment before the door flies open and Will’s smiling face greets us.

“Hey Be- JUNI??”

Will stares at me like he doesn’t believe his eyes. I smile and give him a small wave. “It’s me.”

“What the fuck?” Will grips my wrist and yanks me to him, nearly suffocating me in his embrace. Will had been the brother I never had and it wasn’t until this exact moment that I realized how much I missed him. I squeeze him a bit harder and he kisses the side of my head before pulling back to look at me.

“Where the fuck have you been? How-”

“Can we talk inside, man?” Benny asks.

Will shakes his head. “Right. Yeah, of course. Come on in.” Will doesn’t let go of my wrist, pulling me inside and closing the door behind Benny, sliding a very heavy lock into place. Benny pulls off his long coat and hangs it up on a hook near the door. Will looks down at me, disbelief still etched in his features. 

“Are you hungry?”

“Yeah. But I don’t want to put you out.” 

He gives me The Look. “You just came back from the dead. The least I can do is give you some soup. Right this way.” 

We head through another door and through a living area into a small kitchen. At the stove is a woman with chocolate brown hair and freckles on the exposed skin on her arms. She turns to face us, smiling at Will, her green eyes flitting between all of us, a slight pull between her brows as she takes me in.

“Hey darlin’.” Will walks up to her and gives her a quick kiss, releasing my hand for the first time. 

“Hey baby. Who is this?”

“Lauren, this is Juni. Juni, my wife Lauren.”

Her eyes go wide as she looks from Benny to me. “Juni? As in your Juni?”

Benny’s smile is wide. “Yup!”

She drops the spoon she was holding on the counter, clapping her hands together. “This is wonderful! But how? Why?” Will nods in agreement with her. 

“Ladle us some of that soup and we’ll tell you,” Benny nods towards the pot behind Lauren and I elbow him in his side.

“You don’t have to be so rude.”

Bowls of soup in hand, we sit around a small table in various chairs, Benny and I taking a few sips of soup before starting in. We tell them everything, what happened on the day the bombs fell, all the way up to us walking into Diamond City. 

“Sounds like you were lucky to have met when you did,” Will says, putting his bowl in the sink. “You been to see Tom?”

Benny shakes his head. “We came here first.”

“Well I think a celebratory drink is in order! Let’s go to Tom’s bar,” Lauren suggests. She turns to me as we pull on our boots. “They also have non alcoholic drinks if that’s more your style.”

“I’m sure I’ll find something. Thanks.”

Tom’s bar is loud with people, crowding around small tables and huddled at the bar. A jukebox sits in the corner, quietly playing tunes from before the bombs fell. The crowd parts and I can just make out Tom behind the bar, barking orders at what I’m presuming is a regular customer, who is now several sheets to the wind (drunk). He spots Benny first and points at him, beckoning him closer. It’s only when we’re right in front of him does he see me, his eyes going wide.

“Juni? I thought you were dead!”

“Likewise!”

“I’ll want the story later- sit DOWN Jeff!” Tom glares at a customer who was about to stand on the bar. “Come to the back for a sec, Benny?” He nods and follows Tom, taking my hand and pulling me along into a back room. When the door closes, the volume lowers by at least half. Tom looks at me and Benny nods.

“Don’t take this the wrong way, Ben. I’m happy to see you, and especially happy to see you, Juni. But what the fuck are you doing Ben?”

Benny’s eyebrows pull together. “What do you mean?”

Tom crosses his arms. “You stopped doing your runs.”

Benny shifts his weight. “Yeah. I mean I found Juni. I figured they’d assume I’d died-”

Tom holds up a hand. “Well they didn’t. Rumor has it the different Raider factions are teaming up to try and find you.”

“Fuck. You think it’s true?”

Tom nods his head to the side. “My sources have never lied before. What are you doing, Ben?”

Benny sighs, rubbing his hand over his face. “I’m done, Tom. I can’t do this anymore. I was strugglin’ before Juni but now? I’m not gonna leave her to go traipsing around the Commonwealth.”

“Did you think it would be that easy?”

Benny shrugs. “Yeah, actually. They knew I’d probably die eventually.”

“I think you’re gonna need to talk to them, Ben. Tell them you’ll do one last run, a big one, and then you’re out. Tell them you’re injured or whatever. But you have to do something before it gets bad.”

Benny nods again. “You’re right. I’ll think of somethin’. Thanks Tom.”

Tom nods at him but then shocks me as he pulls me in for a hug. “Now you I really missed. Give me the cliff notes version?”

We end up staying in Diamond City for a few weeks, Benny renting a room above Tom’s bar for us to stay in. Both Tom and Will offered to let us crash with them, but Benny didn’t want to impose, especially when he didn’t know when we’d be going back to Sanctuary Hills. I liked Diamond City, I did. There was a barber and many shops, an eatery and a place to get your weapons or armor inspected and repaired. There was even a garden and a mini stage where the kids from the school would put on plays. A school! But I’d be lying if I said I didn’t miss the peace that comes with Sanctuary Hills. Plus, I miss my dog.

Benny was with Will tonight, helping him with patrol while they discussed what Benny could do to get the Raiders off his back. They were pretty close to a solid plan. I wave bye to Lauren as I leave their home, heading back downstairs and winding my way through the streets back towards Tom’s bar. 

Something smacks against the back of my head, the last thing I see is the logo from Tom’s, glowing neon bright as my vision fades to black just before I hit the ground, a voice saying “And they said Raiders can’t be sneaky!”

General Taglist:

@frankie-catfish-morales @chaoticgeminate @janebby @astoryisaloveaffair @balekanemohafe @greeneyedblondie44 @hoeforthefictional @marvelousmermaid @hauntedmama @icanbeyourjedi @wretchedmo @sunnshineeexoxo @livingmydreams13 @adventures-of-a-noodle @sara-alonso @theewokingdead @punkerthanpascal @giggly-otter @f0rever15elf @phandoz @gallowsjoker @lovesbiggerthanpride @booksarekindaneat @charlispersonallyhell @xoxabs88xox @amneris21 @gooddaykate @avengers-fixation @paintballkid711 @harriedandharassed   @ladykatakuri @practicalghost @withakindheartx @batdarkladyvampir @justanotherkpopstanlol   @mermaidxatxheart @alexxavicry @justreblogginfics @kmc1989 @veryprairieberry @mysterious-moonstruck-musings @heartpascalispunk  

[8hsaturn]

Hi there, I hope you're having a beautiful day, and happy Spring Equinox if you celebrate!

Can you do a full chart reading for me? Or if you can't, unusual aspects etc. in my chart.

A little bit about me: I'm mainly interested in art, literature and music, as well as history and spirituality and the Occult. I hate anything to do with sciences. I'd say that I'm a very dreamy and Neptunian person with quite a bit of Mercury and Uranus energy, but I don't know.

Here's my chart:

Thank you ever so much in advance!! 💕💕

Natal chart reading + Indicators of artistry and creativity in a chart

8h Jupiter (chart ruler) square Neptune: you could have an easy time receiving money from other people, be it gifts and allowance and even inheritance, you could also have a strong intuition and ability to instinctively understand people’s psyches as well as the occult. Could have a desire to learn more about spirituality, the occult, psychology, and any taboo subjects, and your mission in life could be to teach people about these themes. Note that this gift comes “naturally” to you, so you could already understand more about these subjects than most people or take less time assimilating new information. You also daydream a lot and just have a very active imagination. Prone to getting premonitions or having intuitive dreams, could also easily understand subtext or the bigger meaning in media and arts, a good aspect for interpreting poetry and abstract art pieces. Be careful of being swindled or scammed especially when it comes to medical bills and medicine, also watch your spending, especially in matters related to your hobbies and leisure activities, escapism can be helpful but overindulgence can be dangerous. You could have a constant stream of thought and like to consume a lot of content related to dark topics and abstract concepts, so starting a podcast or a blog related to this can be very productive and fulfilling.

Neptune conjunct Chiron in the 12th house: you could’ve had a lifelong struggle with mental illness, and coupled with the heavy piscesian energy, you’re someone who’s very empathetic with heightened sensitivity, and your ability to feel energy and absorb could lead you to need to recharge every so often. From the position of your Mars, you could’ve had to deal with a very tense environment growing up, where you had to be very attuned to your environment in order to survive. You could have a heavy mind and have a tendency to accidentally manifest your fears. Your mission in this life is to understand that you don’t have to always take what others project into you and internalize it, but give yourself the space and boundaries that allow you to cultivate your own identity. You have an instinctual ease with manifestation, so make sure to have a good self-concept no matter how deluded you might think it is because it could end up manifesting into your new reality.

3rd house Gemini Mars conjunct IC: this could indicate having had a hard time in your early school life, perhaps up to middle/high school, you could’ve been picked on/ignored because of your interests, your eccentric personality, or your unpredictable nature. People wanted to box you somewhere and couldn’t and that’s where a lot of animosity towards you came from. You constantly have a whirlwind of thoughts happening in your brain at the same time and might need to watch out for sudden bursts of anger because your words can be very impactful and could trigger wounds in people that they could not even be aware of. Your personal space is also something you’re very protective over, and one you want to reflect your personality and eccentricities. There could be a lot of blue and green aquatic influence, messy but still aesthetically pleasing, you might also think of sharing your home with your soulmate and both of your aesthetics merging together, with your Jupiter 8h in Libra there’s a strong pattern of merging your possessions when in a relationship. Also, a tendency to rant on social media?

Mars square Sun, Mercury, and Uranus: being spiritual and a healer is a very important part of who you are, along with just generally being someone who looks beyond the surface, and when you feel this identity is under attack you could react aggressively. The Mars square Uranus aspect makes you someone who wants to change the world around them, especially in matters of injustice

Sun, Uranus, and Mercury on the Ascendant: and all in Pisces. You could look younger than you really are and have very unique features (anything from wide set/hooded/heterochromia in eyes, wide or small forehead, asymmetry, yaeba teeth…) and could also “look” smart and eccentric, people assume you’re not very regular which might’ve been the cause for animosity when you were younger, but is now a source of secret admiration (12h aquarius venus). You might have a hard time expressing your thoughts when speaking or could have people misunderstand your words and therefore misinterpret your character, and this pushed you to find music and poetry a much better medium for self-expression as your feelings are often times too complex or even singular to express in a regular setting.

6h Saturn opposite 12h Venus: your health could’ve suffered a lot and this might’ve pushed you to pay more attention to things in your daily life that impact your health, be it your eating habits or working out, could also have teeth problems, chest pain, hair loss, or headaches. You might be a big escapist and struggle with caring for yourself in a concrete manner, you could also prioritize others over yourself and struggle with overexerting yourself, please make sure to listen to your needs and practice self-care. You could struggle with body dysmorphia and low self-esteem, words from your early childhood could’ve wounded the way you perceive yourself. A lot of things you heard were just projections, hence why you shouldn’t see those jabs as a fact but a reflection of who said them. Be careful of unbalanced, one-sided relationships where you give without receiving.

Lilith conjunct Descendant in Virgo: you could’ve been wounded by people before and that led you to harbor resentment. You could be a later bloomer on a physical level, and you could run the risk of being manipulated or betrayed by those closest to you which leads you to become more introverted and reserved. Be wary of people projecting their fantasies unto you and expecting you to fit unrealistic ideas, as well as attracting unfaithful or manipulative people. Your close friends and enemies could’ve been the people to criticize your smallest mistake and you could cope with this by dissociating or escapism.

Artistic/creative indicators:

Saturn in Leo in the 5th degree (detriment): you need to trust in your artistic ability enough to discipline yourself and structure your work. You are creative, your entire chart is screaming that healing yourself -and in consequence others- through your art is your purpose in life, so all you’re left to do is put a structure to your art. Define short-term and long-term milestones for yourself and be proud of your development even when you think it’s insignificant because consistency and perseverance in itself is a grand feat. once you lay the grounds for your art to flourish you will see how bright the future that awaits you is.

5th house moon in an Aquarius degree: your sensitivity and reserved nature shine with your art and self-expression, you care for humanity as a collective but also want those closest to you to be happy and loved. Your unique emotional nature is what makes your art stand out and resonate with the masses.

10th house Pluto: you’re here to break structures, to challenge the status quo, and you’re not looking to uphold a correct image just to fit in. People project into you a lot and that’s why their words shouldn’t affect you. Very fame-enhancing placement as you can be very influential and convincing to others. Use your influence wisely.

Pisces mercury in retrograde

Pisces/Gemini/Aquarius/Leo influence

extra note: your hate for science could be explained with Aquarius (science) being in your 12th house (fears)!

[gravecircuit]

5AM headcanons as I slowly get back into Moral-ing

- idk how much from Narcissism the fandom accepts, but it does make me categorize Bloberta as the “prettiest” / most desired woman in moralton based on the fact that she made Putty climax with words alone.

- As goofy as that is it also re-contextualizes a lot. She is “off limits” even in infidelity because she’s the mayor’s wife.

- I also think if Dottie tried her routine on Bloberta, Dottie would end up crying wayyyyyy earlier. Bloberta’s numbness includes an immunity to gaslighting. Also there is one element that actually connects the 2 characters that I wanna draw. Here’s a different scene for now:

Dottie: Can I sit with you Bloberta so our kids can talk to each other and not us?

Bloberta: … you talk to your kids?

Dottie nervously lights a cigarette.

Dottie: I- uh, well I mean-

Bloberta puts out the cigarette by clasping the end with her bare fingers.

Bloberta: If you’re going to do that, I think you should sit somewhere else.

- Blobbie / Censordoll discourse is also interesting bc I think of it as “numb & barren” (ship name maybe?) - things kinda also come full circle. In Help: Bloberta fails to help Fran, feels like she helped Clay and marries him, Orel is born and goes on to be Fran’s main helper in her campaign against Clay, with signs made by Bloberta.

- Gay Clay vs. Bi Clay was a debate brought up in one of my streams and I said my answer keeps changing. There are “tactile” arguments for Bi Clay but they all really start to evaporate for me with the scene in honor. There is no exact science, it is just a uniquely gay anguish confessed. alsogayclayrhymes

- I think about Clay’s rise to office a lot and what exactly enabled him to do so, and I’m beginning to think he may have used his mother’s death in his campaign as he starts to pen her lost commandments into Moralton law. Much to Arthur’s dismay, which only encourages Clay to take things further.

- A newer idea but I feel like Danielle’s experience encouraging Orel might have kindled something, and if Fakey can go from coach to Principal so can Danielle.

- I think now that Bendy is reconnected with Joe, the Fakey situation will actually quickly lead to a restraining order. Since Bendy no longer has to telephone through Ms. Secondopinionson to talk to Joe, Fakey talks to Secondopinionson for updates on Bendy. I think Fakey’s mental state will decline between his ruined marriage and “mistress” cut off, but for some reason I think with Secondopinionson’s infinite patience she becomes a sort of friend + makeshift repressional since Putty’s having none of it anymore. In that circumstance I think Secondopinionson becomes comfortable speaking to him in her natural voice . I think Fakey loses his job to Danielle like above, then idk, gets part time work at Steph’s shop or something.

- The David Tuber interview mentioned that Orel goes goth but also goes atheist, and the blue heron as a symbol of his faith begins to follow him around. I think the “Nature rematch” would be Orel getting Ol’ Gunny with actual intent to kill the Heron.

- Which brings me to the tinfoil hat section. Consider this my “Season 4+”

- By this time Censordoll has a stranglehold on Moralton. With no role models and in complete nihilism Orel kills the Heron in anger. In absolute darkness Orel finds no solace, he then notices the Heron’s nest.

- I have no idea what Steven Universe / Demon Slayer script we’ll need to get to this point but I really think that if Censordoll is the “final boss” of Moralton it should end with her and Orel nurturing the blue heron egg until it hatches, roll credits.

[adultswim2021]

Aqua Teen Hunger Force #80: "Shake Like Me" | April 5, 2009 - 11:45PM | S07E02

A momentous episode. Folks, it’s the “lost” episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force. Hell, it's loster than "Boston" at this point. It’s the one you can’t stream online or buy digitally or whatever. Hell, it’s even missing from the recent DVD box set. Can we get an Adult Swim Treasures DVD box with an intro from Leonard Maltin? Will it ever be okay to laugh again???

Okay, this is how this write-up is going to go. First I’m going to dryly describe all the racist stuff in the episode. Then I’m going to apologetically tell you that I thought the episode was funny. Then I’m going to pay lip-service to people who might legitimately have problems with the episode. Then nobody is actually going to read this, and I’m gonna go on to watch Duckman or whatever show aired after this. I think it was Duckman. I don’t know, there’s some weird guy on YouTube who makes his own Adult Swim blocks but he includes shit like Duckman and Dr. Katz and I'm starting to believe it's all real. I don’t hate it, but I’d prefer to see Duckman sandwiched between Weird Science and USA Up All Night, with nothing but phone sex ads and promos for Silk Stockings.

A construction crew is dumping green toxic ooze into a neighboring house (the Ruth Powers side, not the Ned Flanders side). Shake tries to stop them by yelling at them a lot, when one of the operators, a black man, gets pissed off and bites Shake. So, he was bitten by a radioactive black man. Eventually signs of Shake’s blackness start coming out; he turns from white to brown, sprouts an afro, sports a bejeweled grill, and now possesses an immaculate vertical leap. Frylock, scientifically testing the authenticity of his blackness, tries to make Shake go in Carl’s pool. But alas, Shake can no longer swim. I’ve heard of MASTER Shake, but CHOCOLATE Shake???  

I have never heard of a “chocolate shake”. Anyway, Frylock tries to give Shake his whiteness back, but it just won’t take. Boxy Brown eventually intervenes (is this the first time characters other than Meatwad interact with him?). Boxy, of course, is the original racist character of the show. He encourages Shake to embrace his blackness, but while they are on the basketball court it simply begins to wear off. Oh well. It was fun while it lasted. I mean, if that’s the kind of fun you like having. 

Honestly, this episode made me laugh a lot. The joke about him swimming, especially. Also, the part where Frylock gives him a wristwatch after his supposed white conversion in which they straighten his hair and cover him in white house paint. Frylock gifts the wristwatch and says something like “here, time management is going to be real important to you now”. Really funny! I'm not even racist! That's what's so insane about this! 

REFERENCE: There’s a scene where Frylock takes Shake to a hockey game in order to whiten him up. There is a hockey guy in the background just bleeding from his neck. That seems to be a reference to Clint Malarchuk, who in 1989 took a skate to the neck and it caused massive blood loss on the ice. He survived! If you just wanna see photos of a hockey goalie hunched over a nasty amount of blood on an ice rink, I recommend googling his name and looking at the image results. 

In retrospect, the squirmiest part of the episode is Carey Means participation. I would like to think they cleared these jokes with him beforehand, and I’m sure if I googled around one could definitively answer this. A better version of this blog would be one where I actually take it upon myself to do just that. A better version of this blog would be one where I am also being paid handsomely to do stuff like that. Oh well. But: the main sticking point with me is the idea that Frylock is specifically written to not exactly be black. 

There’s an argument to be made that Shake isn’t actually white; they are food products and aren’t afflicted with race. It sorta gets to the problem of whiteness being seen as a “default”. If Shake is white, then that should mean Frylock is black, and Meatwad is retarded. The only reason I don’t think I’m stretching too much for this, is the fact that Frylock defends himself to Boxy Brown that he’s not being “racist” against him. To me, this is the only actual profound misstep of the episode. It’s the thing that cements the fact that they fucked up Frylock’s characterization. It sorta made me feel the same way when I saw an old episode of South Park where Trey Parker voices a black character saying stuff like “actually I’m opposed to hate crime legislation”. 

This one is funny as fuck. That's kinda the only thing that matters to me. But I get why they would rather sweep it under the rug. I also get why I sought out an old iTunes release of the episode and keep it on my computer. I get why I won’t get rid of my DVD copy of it.

EPHEMERA CORNER

[tinylittlecubby]

In the following possibly concerning for my psychiatric health rant , I will be covering what the actual definition of parasocial is, the function and normalness of regular parasociality, why some mediums invite stans more than others and what would need to change to eradicate stan culture. Im unfortunately just someone with an internet connection and im writing this on mobile so if any degree of understanding in regards to those facts can be maintained I would be very grateful!

1) i would rather do a flip off the bellagio instead of meet any of the people who's art/content I consume I just want to say that first

1b) however I have participated in fandom since I was literally 7 years old so I know way too much about fandoms in general and also parasociality.

2)the partition between social worlds is an illusion. If it happens in one place it happens in another. People putting artists on a pedestal and then tearing them down is something that also happens in arenas outside of popular culture like the sciences and in peoples very own homes. Uniqueness of circumstance is rare and the breadth of human capability in terms of horror and beauty is present no matter the field.

3) Parasocial relationships have an actual psychological function (more on this later) Because of the term 'relationship' and the cultural baggage around that term it is assumed that it is something that is purely done outside of the bounds of the time it takes to consume the media. Even the term caring is loaded more than it should.

Art and media should push us to care and ultimately, a parasocial relationship is JUST caring about a subject ( like a person or object or idea) BUT they/it LITERALLY can not care about you back due to lack of knowing SPECIFICALLY you.

Off of that definition that is why in order for media to be effective a parasocial relationship has to exsist. It makes sense to care about one character over another depending on how a film is written, and this state/relationship of caring last the duration of the film.

That feeling of caring about the character can persist beyond the literal duration of the film due to how emotionally moving it could've been however I find that for films most people do not continue that state beyond the literal duration of the film (in terms of fantasies about the character as I dont find that there are many fanfictions for example about movies -unless they have been made into TV shows as well- etc), due to it being one of the shorter mediums today both in the media itself and the promotion cycle/exposure to the people involved, which is why I picked movies.

I want to make that distinction cause people often say we need to eradicate parasocial relationships altogether and I dont think they understand that parasocial is a sociological term that was coined in 1956/57 and has an extremely long history OUTSIDE of social media. And if the term was coined then that means the phenomenon was going on prior.

Also, films are fake. Literally everyone knows this, no one gets mad at anyone for saying that cause we all know this. However films, when the term was coined, were seen as THE medium that facilitated parasocial relationships (in the sense i described above in terms of the duration of the film, rather than the sense that is used now in terms of being a stan)

And about movies being fake and maybe that being why people stan actors less (sometimes def not all the time)

A) the amount of films and TV shows that try and use this narrative to go far beyond actors zone of consent ìs one of THE main problems with the entertainment industry. They are real people doing fake things but they are still people first.

B) i personally believe that it is in a streamers best interest to create a degree of a character to be on stream (can be a genuine persona or just to the degree of customer service agent. Aint nobody their god damn selves when being a customer service agent but they also aren't not being themselves. If you know you know.) So they too are in an arena of fakeness as well. This lack of understanding is why they constantly have to tell their audience "bro i don't know you AND you don't know me"

4a)and in regards to the statement that I made in terms of parasocial relationships having to exsist, I'm saying that with finances/politics/sociology in mind. There is a business theory in the arts that if you have 1000 true fans (defined as someone that will buy ALL of your merch, concert tickets,will listen to 90% of your music and genuinely enjoy, talk about the music to their friends to get them to like it as well etc etc) you can make your art on your own terms and consistently from a financial stand point. However, that kind of consumer is the exact type that participates in the parasocial relationship outside the duration of the medium and can take them to stan town. And record labels know this, that is why pop music lyrics are the way they are and even when they aren't romance oriented they still market the artist to be as 'authentic' as possible so the development of the parasocial relationship can continue outside the literal duration.

4b) in terms of the psychological function of parasociakity I would read into how children develop relationships with their toys. During active play it is developmentally normal for the child to act as if the toy can react back to the child's own affect/actions, that's why children will talk to or feed etc their toys. Outside of active play sometimes the child will mention the toy (usually in terms of requesting for it to begin active play OR talking about it like they are a friend and saying to a parent "do you think Bella would like this dress?" And the parent knows they are talking about the toy and would respond in kind and maybe they buy the little dress to dress up the toy (think of build a bears model of the type of inventory they sell) it is also common that if they are playing with a sibling or a friend and the other child is being rough with the toy the main child will use language such as "you are hurting them!" suggesting the child believe that the toy can feel literal pain the same way they can (because they are a literal child duh)

A child being able to show the capacity to communicate, empathize, emote and respond to stimuli the object may provide back (like if its a talking to) is absolutely MAJOR and is used in clinical studies during neurological testing in children literally all the time. And if you as an adult were to go up to a child and start berating them for this dynamic pal....you yourself got problems.

This is one of the many types of ways that children learn how to socialize and it happens concurrently with other types of learning in terms of interacting with peers, adults that may use language they dont know but helps them build they own language tool kit etc etc. It is absolutely NOT to be seen as the ONLY type of socializing. That is horrifying and I dont know what the hell would happen if it was literally the only type of socializing a child or even an adult would be receiving (also I dont know how that would literally happen either like do they live in the woods with literally no one else around??)

I say all of this to say that parasociality should NOT be demonized because doing so would be inconsistent with the overall cultural narrative about being social animals. If we are social animals then it makes sense that parasocialism exists. UNHEALTHY!!!!!!!!!!!!! parasocialism ABSOLUTELY needs to be extinguished i am not fighting anyone on that at all. Being a legit stan is VERY VERY SCARY! and I dont mean arguing about charting stan I mean hacking airport security cameras stan (if you know you know unfortunately)

My personal hesitation in terms of putting hope into this changing though is we would need to do the following

Reduce the social capital tied to perceived authenticity

Remove profit motives tied to artists being accessible

Eradicate amanormativity

Build safe,accessible and thriving third spaces

Invest in psychiatric infrastructure and resources

Create a healthy culture that supports the notion that individuality and interdependence can exsist at the same time

Eradicate misogyny

Eradicate ageism

Eradicate racism

Eradicate classism

Eradicate ableism

Eradicate whorephobia (BIG ONE!! the amount of female/non binary stans that are wild about their targets because they feel like its the only safe place they can express their sexuality via fanfiction, fan erotic audios (which is new and the audio stuff i dont know too much about but its something I'm seeing more and more)amongst other things is a proportion that is tooooooo high!

And the list goes on and on and on honestly

(Added this poll on accident because I'm on mobile and it won't erase oooppss)

I dont know if any of this made sense I feel like I just blacked out and I'm coming to but yeah yell at me if you like or ignore this its just my thoughts about parasociality and the like okay byyeeeeee

[ask-hannah-blog]

Hey Honkers it's been a while! 🥨🥨🥨 Yeah yeah yeah it's me!!! Super super super sorry for being gone for so long stuff just got wild after the Holidays and I never got time to update y'all on little old me! So first things first, me! I wear a nice and comfy size 17 now and I couldn't be happier. Got all my shoes done like the one in my dream and now the smell is so strong you can practically see the stink lines emanate from my salty tootsies! It's super duper yummy 😋🤤

I definitely upgraded from chubby to fat now, but I'm pretty tall so luckily it evens out pretty well. My hands are also pretty big now, I think they grew like that so it'd be easier for me to milk my titties and my wiener when I get hungry or thirsty... convenient! My overbite is so big now that my dumb teeth poke out from my mouth even when it's closed but honestly, it's super cute so I can't complain either! I think that's about it physically? Mentally I've been happier than ever! Though I don't know how much is just my clown hormones and how much is from the thing that's been keeping me so busy!

Drumroll, please....I'm producing! I started feeling bad I got all this yummy food and nobody to give it to, and wouldn't you know it, I think the girls from the nail salon really like little old me! So in exchange for giving them all the yummy stuff they want, and a good dicking, I get free mani/pedis on the house! Sometimes they get a little carried away and start rubbing and worshipping my feet during the pedicure or get handsy with the merchandise but honestly who can blame them??? Not me hyuck hyuck hyuck!!! 🤡😘🤤

They're definitely kinda chubbier and dumber now that they're always doped up on my salty treats but honestly, they're so happy and they asked for it in the first place I can't blame them! hehehe it's so funny now when I walk into the salon with my sausage out and they all just drop what they were doing and start crawling towards me all drooly and stuff! Super cute! And don't worry, when I'm not around to take care of them, my plushy babies are there for them! I gave away a few to each of them and they've been enjoying a bit of "Pretzel at Home" through them. I'm kinda jelly but luckily it's not like my babies don't take care of me still! Nothing like drifting to sleep with all of your holes filled, know what I mean? Heheh hyuck

Super proud of your own progress btw girl! Sissy and Daisy make me so proud to be your humble servant and I approve of your progress on Toe Cleavage, the only thing is, I don't think I want her to be a dom. I've definitely grown into more of a top and well... the more I think about it, the more the only person I want giving me orders is you.

Anyways having all these fuckbuddies is part of the reason why I've been so busy, but the other reason is... I wanted to surprise you, Hannah. Every single night I've been running around in this stupid night circus trying to find your tent and I keep getting lost (or uhhh... distracted... feeding... eating...) and rrragh! It's super annoying!

I wanted to meet you! Do you remember all that time ago when you said you would send me a video of you going to town on your Goof's feet if I recorded myself worshipping my pretzel toes and making them all big and stuff? I didn't forget that. I wanted to do it live in front of everyone at your tent! Record it and stream it for posterity like those science guys who recorded your dream all the way back then! I can't find the way... can you help me please? Try to find me or send someone out to do for you and bring me home to you, my queen. It would make my day... or night, I guess. If you or Daisy could give me the directions to your office when Toe Cleavage is all done getting clowned up that would be swell. Maybe I'll even drop in an application when I'll come pick her up 😜 I hope you're well Queen Honkers, your ever faithful, Pretzel The Clown.

🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨🥨

Awwwww!

Our little Pretzel is growing up, and becoming a Dom! 🥰 Hehe what happened to the shy little trans girl hiding under her hoodie when in public? Now you’re wadling around tootsies loose, and weiner dangling! What a success story!

Very well. I’ll turn toe cleavage into your submissive Clownie pet. Serves her right for being such a tease with those slutty tootsies. She caused my poor pet Pretzel such anguish jerking off to those toes, with no relief in sight. Any decent citizen would have offered a foot job to their Clownie admirers. So I’ve got no choice but to sentence her to life under your Salty toes, to be punished as you see fit.

She’ll have a big pink Afro made of always regenerating cotton candy. Her titties will be filled with fizzy soda just like you. We’ll give her a big farty booty too, that can produce whip cream! Hehe she’s gonna have some wet creamy farts! Her panties are gonna be a mess! And of course we’ll give her a dick to match pretzel’s. One that can churn out frozen yogurt! 13flavours! You just gotta tug on her balls to change it. And of we’ll give her smaller feet than pretzel, subservient little clompers, with a sweet fruity scent. I’ll keep her skinny too, but only so Preyzel can enjoy pumping up her prize hog. She’ll be the perfect employee for the snack stand!

And I’m so glad you found a place in the world that appreciates your special brand of clowny treats! Soooooo hot that you’ve got your own stable of normie hogs, sedated and fat off your cum. Loved hearing about that. And it’s so great that your nasty stuffies are making friends. I know it’s hard to let go of your favorite cum rags, but you gotta let your toys stretch their cocks and fly!

That’s why you’re my fave! You’re following my commands perfectly, you’re getting out there and making normies happy! I bet they just have the sweetest smiles on their face as your mayo drips from their mouths. Hehe you’ll have to take me someday so I can see how well you’ve trained them to service clown feet!

It’s kind of funny. I’ve been hearing more and more about my clownies gaining these normie followers. It’s like we’re getting more powerful or something. I mean for me to have followers is just natural, ya know? But for a gross hog like Pretzel? Hehe can you imagine how pathetic you’d have to be to worship her? Hehe!

Don’t get me wrong girl, you’re sexy as hell, but you’re hardly regal. 🤷‍♀️ to each their own though, huh babe?

I guess it makes sense we’re clowns afterall, it’s only natural we draw a crowd, a loyal following. Now each of you can get a little taste of what I have from all of you! Hehe.

And you’re right Pretzel, you’re a star. I mean you work a fast food stand at MY circus, why should anyone think they could tell you what to do? Except me of course, always me, eagerly me, right pet?

You’ve been so good to look for me. I know it’s hard to find your way. So many distractions in the circus huh? That’s why I let you all come to me. So of course I’ll bring you home.

I’ll have Daisy get in touch, m’kay?

Can’t wait to have you home, where you belong, right between my honey toes, where I can give your tubby yummy lots of scritches and honks!

Hehe k, love ya Babe, see you soon 💙

Ms. Honkers

P.S is that your first time declaring yourself Pretzel The Clown? So hot! I mean I’ve always known you as Pretzel but it’s hot to see you accepting the name I gave you as your true name. Fits you so much better than whatever boring human name you were going by!

[huygenscaustics]

How to become an experimental physicist

Top tips from a recent graduate! I'm still learning, so this will be a growing/changing post! I might think these tips are wrong as time goes on, so I'll strikethrough them so you can watch the changes, like a scientific notebook!

1. Keep inspired! If you're anything like me, there are times where you'll hate doing physics problems or dread going to the lab to "attempt" to solder new parts for your experiment, or going through purchasing orders. So read, or watch, or listen to physics! It doesn't have to be papers, you may not have the brain energy for that, plus, there are all those confusing words, and it's all so specific! Especially when you are transitioning from high school to undergrad, you don't need to have already worked out your specific interests. You don't need to go from "ooh Newton's Laws!" to "Indistinguishable telecom band photons from a single erbium ion in the solid state" (random paper I saw). It's totally unreasonable!! Others may say they do, but good for them I guess it's not where you start! Popular science book? Perfect!! Cosmos tv show? Beautiful! Isaac Asimov's Understanding Physics? I CANNOT recommend it enough! Heck, it doesn't even need to be Physics! Interested in neuroscience for some reason? The Tale of the Dueling Neurosurgeons by Sam Kean is a fun one! This is so helpful in so many ways, no matter what it is. You're brain is building connections, and they are getting stronger, day by day!

When I started to "hate" Physics, I took a break. I felt awful about it, but I did it anyway. No, I do not mean I stopped research, after all I have a visa to support, but I just had to stop judging myself for not caring enough. But I started to pick up books. Biology, neuroscience, history of education, corruption. Whatever I was interested in. Let yourself love learning. I moved into Physics biographies like Feynman's "The Pleasure of Finding Things Out", wanting to hear about their stories. I wanted to read sci fi again, so I picked up Asimov's "The Earth Is Room Enough". Soon I'll reread Understanding Physics, maybe.

The key is to never let your love of learning be smothered by the capitalistic tendencies of society.

2. Don't compare yourself with others. We all go at different paces and live in very different circumstances. We all think differently. So do what you want!

3. Keep your finger on the pulse. Somehow, even if it's just in the background, have streams of Physics news info flowing into your brain space. Physics is rapidly evolving. What's popular is often changing. That determines funding, which in term determines your academic freedom. When you end up making your discoveries, you'll want to know what else is happening around the world. Personally, I'm listening to the Physics World Weekly Podcast. Along with that is the Physics World Stories Podcast. While folding laundry. Or on a commute.

4. Use libraries. Libraries give me the space to encounter many different topics, all placed side by side physically in space. You can walk by a book that catches your eye, flip through it, and discover something that matters to you. Maybe it'll lead to some inspiration in research.

If you are lucky enough to have a physics (or physical sciences or engineering) library that you can access, USE it. You can even be like me, just sit down and listen to music or a podcast or work, and then take a stroll through the aisles for fun.

5. Use university spaces. Often, even if you don't yet have access to a university, they have public hours. How great is that!! Sometimes you can even stroll through the corridors, reading posters on the walls (that's what they're there for). There'll be notification boards too, different ones for different departments and building spaces.

6. Keep an eye out for names. University names and professor and grad student names. Even departments and group names. Building names! It may help you in the future, connect the dots for different research topics. Maybe it'll even give you a chance to...

7. Email people! Especially if it's just for curiosities sake. If you would like to share something with a professor of a topic, that's a way to do it. If you have a question about research, it's a good way to connect. They'll likely appreciate it!

8. To reach a professor about something >semi urgent, add the group admin if there is one.

Ok that's all for now! Cheerio

[void-botanist]

9 (in my defense i'm a social scientist ajdjfjfkfj), 18 and 27 for the character development ask game!

I'll take Zel for this one because I really don't talk about her enough. I'm also going to do these out of order because I went on a whole adventure for number 9, the question about socioeconomic status.

Is your character more likely to admire wisdom, or ambition in others? Wisdom is what she most actively admires, because she wants to be capable and collected and not chaotic, and to avoid more pitfalls of being ambitious. Once upon a time she had ambitious academic and career goals: when she started college in Takolem City, she wanted to be a veterinarian. She made it about a year and a half in her veterinary science program before various factors led to her transferring to a school in Winchester and finishing out a degree in literature, and she has a lot of regrets about how that went. She's also just plain envious of her brother, who somehow managed to get all the way through a doctoral degree and then land an extremely cool space job almost by accident?? Rude???

How does your character normally deal with confrontation? It really depends on the context and who's involved. In public, or with people she doesn't know well, she tries to defuse things with humor and sarcasm, often @ herself. But in private, especially with people she knows well, and especially her brother, she accelerates pretty quickly from defusing with sarcasm to full-on shouting match. Except it's not really a "match" with Zalen because it takes a lot to make him yell at anyone. She's never shouted at Anni, but Anni also doesn't really confront people that much.

Is your character’s current socioeconomic status different than it was when they were growing up? I possibly thought about this way too hard and went kind of sideways, but I think I understand socioeconomic status better as a concept? If I say anything that makes you go ?? feel free to reply/message me/send another ask.

Anyway, the short answer is yeah, mostly. Zel grew up in a tiny rural mountain town in Takolem. Goods that had to be brought in from elsewhere—even up from the foothills—tended to be more expensive, but the town and its nearby neighbors could produce most of the basics themselves (food, water, soap, furniture, etc.) and the community tended to be pretty cohesive and supportive of mutual aid. Universal basic income was provided to adults by Takolem's government, but it was scaled by average costs for basic requirements of living. Those requirements were defined broadly, but still, for Zel's hometown, the payouts were some of the lowest in the country, even as prices for external goods rose in tandem with costs of living in other areas. Zel's grandfather had a decent job that shored up the UBI payouts to support a four-person household, but a lot of the tech that Zel owns now would have been luxuries during her childhood.

Zel now lives in a major city in Deridis, where UBI payouts are generally higher, even if the exact details of why are different for Deridis's goverment. She could coast on UBI for a while since she's only supporting herself in a small apartment. But it's nice to have the extra money (and tax write-offs for some of her tech) and she likes streaming. So that's kind of the economic part. The socio- part of the question is more complex. (To be clear, I'm looking at this from a US perspective because that's what I know.) I haven't thought a lot about how it's conceptualized in-world, but in both of these contexts blue collar jobs and trades are actually valued, and more even income and wealth distribution means that there isn't a stark division between "haves" and "have-nots" in terms of numbers or social standing (I know making use of resources like tutoring or extracurricular activities is more complicated than just how much time and money people have available to them, but on those basic levels there's more equality). Zel does sometimes struggle with no longer living in the same community as she did growing up, because she doesn't have the benefits of directly knowing people and being able to learn from them. She still hasn't really succeeded in building up a new community around herself that she can rely on and contribute to. There's also an element of how different species' cultures influence one another. Zel's home culture was mostly in conversation with local tree and mushroom person cultures, whereas Deridis has a strong relationship with orea-nawwen cultures, which does change some of the underlying attitudes and species distribution across different types of jobs. So overall Zel has a higher socioeconomic status now than when she was a kid, but it's complicated especially when you look at it in terms of social class.

[jackienautism]

What do you think about the werewolf blood lore in the Quarry. I think it’s stupid imo

like. i assume you mean how werewolves won't kill / eat someone just because they're infected / have werewolf blood? if that's not what you mean then that's my bad, please lmk what you do though!

but honestly i havent really thought abt that part of the lore? mainyl bc it really isn't that... important. and you don't even GET to see it in some maybe even most playthroughs. but i guess that just answers it for me, it's definitely a neat little detail if you end up getting / seeing it in game, but overall i don't think it was necessary? in the grand scheme of things, it's just, i dont know, it's just there. it's neat if it happens unexpectedly, but i suppose for what it is, it's not huge or important

that and like, before i say more, does abi get infected by kaylee in chapter 3? bc then it'd make sense why nick still attacks her in ch 6 even if shes bitten previously. due to kaylee being shot by silver before that scene takes place. but if it's not kaylee... then how come nick is able to kill her? wouldn't he smell(?) her werewolf blood and leave?

i guess that's another one of my criticisms for it, it's just... it's rather inconsistent? bc why would it only be put into effect when the infected person is JUST about to turn? since they're gonna have werewolf blood regardless of when they turn right? bc based on when this sort of thing happens in game, werewolves only back off when the person (dylan, kaitlyn etc) visibly looks infected. but like ??????? why? does it take a certain amount of time for the Werewolf to enter the blood stream? is that why and when people turn? is it just when the werewolf bite finally makes itself into the rest of the body? since it'd make sense due to there not being an exact science to how long it takes someone to turn... but if that's the case, why wasn't that explained more? does that even make sense biology wise?

LIKE OK. since we know that werewolves use their sense of smell in order to tell whether someone is one of them or not (think, infected kaitlyn and turned caleb in ch 10), so wouldn't they tell even if the person has been infected for just a little while? bc i can't imagine their smell being bad at all, due to being similar to dogs / wolves and all. but ????????? i guess they're only able to tell when the infected blood has spread itself throughout most of the body who the fuck knows. bc the same thing happens w/ rust and snake bites right? both take a bit to spread throughout the body... soooo is it assumed the same shit happens w/ werewolves and their bites? but how come they can't tell after initially being infected? is their sense of smell isn't as great as i think it is?

bc like. ryan can be killed by chris in ch 9 despite being infected by laura, and emma can be bit by that werewolf (silas? idr) in ch 6 despite being potentially infected by max previously. but i suppose they don't necessarily smell them beforehand? but wouldn't they be able to regardless of the time that has passed????? bc it's still gonna be in your blood / body regardless right?

AND OH I THINK I FOINALLY REALIZED WHAT YOU MEAN. LIKE. BEING ABLE TO JUST PUT WEREWOLF BLOOD ON YOUR FACE TO AVOID BEING KILLED YEAH? yeah i guess that's sort of stupid jndgjkfg i once again don't really have much to say bc i haven't rly thought abt it much. but once again again, it's sort of similar to what i said previously abt the other part of the blood lore, it's cool ig uess, but it isn't necessarily striking to me. it IS neat however thinking this character is gonna die bc you fucked up but they actually DONT..... in that case i like it, bc it's like. you assunme getting someone infected is a bad thing yeah? and i suppose overall it is, but in little cases, such as kaitlyn and dylan's, it ends up saving you! so that's fun

it def is more stupid that it plays the same effect as werewolf blood physically in someone's system though. but i suppose the smell would be stronger if it's just In The Open and On someone's face? i dont know man fdnfkgdf im so sorry i went all over the place here. you got me reeaaally interested in how it all works

[gwenmyoty]

My challenge over the next month

Hey everyone. I'm going to be honest that this is largely going to be a vent post about what's been going on in my personal life recently. I want to get it out there though. Maybe someone will have an idea of how to accomplish what I need to that I hadn't thought of.

For a little background, I've been actively trying to get Australian citizenship. I was born in the US, but Australia is my home. For a vast majority of my adult life, I've been nomadic, traveling all over the US in hope of finding a place I felt comfortable. I've never lived anywhere for longer than a year and a half since I was 18. I was afraid that home just wasn't a feeling I could have. Going to Australia changed that. I feel at peace there, and I feel comfortable in a way that just never really happened in the US anywhere.

A very important deadline in that effort is coming up though. One of the most efficient paths to Australian citizenship is the Working Holiday Visa. It is one of the few temporary visas that allow a person to work while they are in Australia which is crucial to receiving sponsorship for a more permanent visa.

However, come November of this year, I will no longer be eligible to apply for this visa. Even more urgent, the best possible opening for me to have a place to live in Australia is from April through June of this year. This all largely means I need to get approved for this visa as soon as possible if I don't want my naturalization efforts to become a decade long struggle of seeking sponsorship from outside the country.

There are a number of requirements for the visa, but I'm really not worried about most of them. I achieve them fine or with minimal effort on my part. The one that concerns me is that they require you to be in possession of 5000$ AUD. (Aprx. 3500$ USD) It doesn't need to be spent, just in your bank account. It's an assurance you won't become homeless while you're on the visa. While a reasonable concern in most of cases, it really doesn't apply to me as someone with a support network and resources in the country already.

Putting away that kind of money just isn't possible for me. I'm an openly trans person in an environment that is growing increasingly hostile towards my existence. Even going 'boy mode', I still get called ma'am frequently. Normally the dream for a transgirl, but in this case it means I can't just hide my transness in order to get work. I also have incredibly bad social anxiety to boot. Even with a bachelor's degree in a burgeoning field (Computer Science) I struggle to find work here.

My illustration commissions and streaming are my only sources of money. It gets me by with the generous help of my roommate, but saving up money just simply isn't possible with such little income, and even then, without the help of one of my clients tossing me extra funds recently, I would've fallen behind on even just the essentials.

I'm trapped in the position of doing everything I can, and being afraid to ask for help given the very personal and privileged nature of what I'm trying to accomplish. I.E. I don't *need* to immigrate to survive. Being able to move countries isn't exactly something people just get to do. It's not like I'm trying to get money for a life-saving surgery.

I've considered doing discounts for my illustrations to push sales, but my backlog is already quite large as it is. People who commission me now might be stuck waiting until Autumn for their purchases at my current rate. I've considered donathons with streaming, but as I said, it feels wrong to just ask for donations over something that isn't necessary for me to survive and even if I didn't, 3500$ is a massive amount of money to raise.

On the optimistic side, I have around 600$ now already, and my girlfriend is working really hard, taking extra shifts to try and get money together herself to help. I know it's possible with the effort of many, but I just don't know how to ask for that help in a way that doesn't make me feel like I'm just sapping away the kindness of my friends, and that one day they'll just get tired of helping me.

So that's the situation. I do my best to put on a strong face a lot of the time. I'm good at being happy even when I'm filled with anxiety. I know a lot of people look to me as a source of optimism and hope in my circles, but I've got my struggles too. This isn't really supposed to be a call to do anything at all, but if you have any good ideas for resolution, I'm happy to hear them.

Thanks loves~ Gwen

[storyofwhoiam]

IMPORTANT HEADCANONS TO CONSIDER

tagged: @shieldretired tagging: @aluthornotamonster @ricochetingtears @wynterlanding @knowseverythingaboutyou @shcftingpieces

Amy Cameron:

CAN THEY USE CHOPSTICKS:  yes. she isn’t perfect by any means but can certainly handle them plenty well enough to not have any issues.

WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THEY CAN’T SLEEP:  listen to music. work. stare at the ceiling. really depends why she’s awake and whether she’s alone.

WHAT WOULD THEY IMPULSE BUY AT THE GROCERY STORE:  something unusual that she’s never seen or tried before. bonus points for if it’s an ingredient that she would have to actually research what to do with once she got it home.

WHAT ORDER DO THEY WASH THINGS IN THE SHOWER: hair first, then body from top to bottom.

WHAT’S THEIR COFFEE ORDER: either just a black coffee or a latte. it depends on where she’s getting it from (if it’s somewhere with decent coffee, she’ll be more likely to stick with black coffee), and whether she’s having it on its own or with food.

WHAT SORT OF APPS WOULD THEY HAVE ON THEIR SMARTPHONE: an assortment of messenger/social media/news. linkedin. rideshare apps. various music/podcast streaming apps. puzzle games. sometimes some dating apps. duolingo (that never gets used). headspace (that gets used even less often most of the time).

HOW DO THEY ACT AROUND CHILDREN: amy works with kids most days in work, and more often than not it’s under far less than ideal situations. she’s pretty confident with kids of most ages and if you’re friends, will happily offer to babysit for you so that you can get a break.

WHAT WOULD THEY WATCH ON TV WHEN THEY’RE BORED AND NOTHING THEY REALLY LIKE IS ON: movies – usually action on thriller – it doesn’t matter how crappy the movie itself is. that or re-watch a classic like btvs.

Justino Rosa:

CAN THEY USE CHOPSTICKS:  yes. he uses them well.

WHAT DO THEY DO WHEN THEY CAN’T SLEEP:  what doesn’t he do. justino rarely gets to sleep at any reasonable time, largely because he is much too easily occupied by some new hyperfixation. if it’s that he can’t sleep when he’s actively trying to, he’ll generally just get up and carry on with whatever he was going to do when he woke up normally – he can catch up on the lost sleep some other time.

WHAT WOULD THEY IMPULSE BUY AT THE GROCERY STORE: to be honest, most of his shopping is done purely on impulse – he’s really not one for lists and planning ahead of time. that being said, the most likely additional impulse by would probably be some kind of sour candy.

WHAT ORDER DO THEY WASH THINGS IN THE SHOWER: there is no routine. whatever he reaches first gets washed first.

WHAT’S THEIR COFFEE ORDER: it depends entirely on what he feels like in the moment. it could be anything from black coffee (which isn’t actually a favourite, he just tells himself it is), to a cappuccino, to any kind of sugary, syrupy, favoured monstrosity.

WHAT SORT OF APPS WOULD THEY HAVE ON THEIR SMARTPHONE: so many (he’s also one of those people who almost always has one of the most up to date phones, and is always running out of space on it). shopping apps. creative sorts of drawing/colouring apps. endless games that he goes through phases of playing obsessively or ignoring.

HOW DO THEY ACT AROUND CHILDREN: justino is basically a big kid himself at least half of the time. he’s in his element and both himself and the kids are likely to have a great time. plus, he has a child-friendly dog as well (his cat is much more skittish around new people).

WHAT WOULD THEY WATCH ON TV WHEN THEY’RE BORED AND NOTHING THEY REALLY LIKE IS ON: he can get invested in a storyline fast enough that he’s pretty happy with anything fictional. when it comes to non-fiction watching, he’d prefer a cool documentary (science, animals, history, etc.) rather than topical news-related things.