#what do we have to do to cope?
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Has anyone figured out what to do with the undying rage that lives just beneath the surface? Like the fury that you constantly need to be pushing down because you know unleashing it onto others is cruel? But if you never let it out the build up causes you to explode on some unsuspecting bystander?
#after years of therapy I’ve learned I’m a very angry person#I used to just be sad all the time but now I’m just#so angry#I feel wronged so easily and I hate being mean so I try to never let people see how angry I am#but eventually I just blow up at someone for a relatively minor offense#like what’s a healthy way to get it out of your system?#and don’t say working out#running just makes me angrier because it fucking. blows#is it art? should I be making angry and viable art?#journaling?#people always talk about how to deal with the sad part of mental illnesses but like#what about the true bitches and bastards of the world#what do we have to do to cope?
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[Abandoned by the Lightners, his heart became cracked with hatred.]
Hitting a lil' too close to home?
#junie art post#ink sans#error sans#utmv#errorink#implied. but yea not the focus#this has been turning around in my mind for quite some time. im glad to finish it lmao idk if my ramblings make sense even.#so like listen. do you ever think about how similar the function of the utmv is to the dark worlds in deltarune.#in a meta narrative to fandom sense? idk the word#we are making exaggerated expanded worlds of the ordinary tools and entertainment of the real world and make it into something more#isnt that very very interesting?#and we explore every sort of possibility in that creation. both good and bad#and when all is said and done. every possibility found and the entertainment and secrets has all run out#we put it away. abandon and leave it behind#what is left? what happens to the world and characters we have created? can it sustain without us?#what of the ones left in the dark?#idk if yall saw me a few months ago but i reblogged comyet's old post of ink begging us not to leave him alone and to keep creating#yea that never left me#and seeing exactly THAT SCENARIO in deltarune made my brain iTCH#imagine an ink in King's position.... wait isnt that just underverse#mmmmmmm. darkner ink.....#also error is here too. not just for errorink or that i can't separate these two to save my life#but error is also one of the few people to be able to GET IT?? he can hear the creators too. ink cant#but hes pretty much programmed himself to avoid having a mental break down to this via reboot memory loss.#and ink has his own internal coping mechanism (hooray for short term memory loss)#these two idiots will do anything but confront truths lmfao#ahhh my favorite idiots. never change#mmmmm#deltarune
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Curtwen Week Day 6: Happy Ending
#I like to believe that there is a universe where they get to grow old together#just one#look once upon a time I read a fic that had me bawling my fuckin eyes out where they get to grow old together#I do want to say that I believe in personal growth and I think that Curt can 100% have a happy ending without Owen- where he can grow#away from that experience and where he can healthily cope with the trauma he ended up with#where he can find solace in something other than alcohol and where he can find it in himself to forge new relationships and build his#connections with people like Tatiana#etc etc#I just want to make it known that this is one of many happy endings that could happen#(amongst the several sad ones that I know also exist)#ALSO I wanted to draw the old men and I do what I want#but yeah something something if the universe is infinite /ref#maybe this is a universe where the banana incident never happened and they were able to retire together#ough#the curtwen feels are really getting me today#I adore them#also I used a new brush ive been having fun with this past week#doesn’t it look cool?#I really like drawing with it and I like how it looks so#we might be seeing more of this one in the future#although 6b is still my guy#damn y’know hypothetically- if Owen (depending on the au) and Curt lived to be in their 60s (at least) they would witness the first Pride#god can you imagine that?#At the very least Curt being around for stonewall and everything that came after that with queer rights#FUCK anyways#fun fact: a group of frogs is called an army#isn’t that cute#reminds me of that one person on TikTok that raised like a thousand frogs- they had a literal army of frogs#crazy#curtwen week
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perry with some words of wisdom in superman: lex 2000 ("just because this country is about to go to hell in a handbasket doesn't mean this newspaper does, too!") (and we are all the newspaper, really.)
#rereading superman: lex 2000 to cope tbh lmao#but like. deep breaths. the justin mcelroy tweet. im gonna keep doing what good i can and nobody can change that.#i will take today to wallow and be deeply dismayed and disheartened and take comfort in my friends.#and we will all keep trying to work towards a better future no matter what. bc i have to believe it's possible#but. enough of that soapbox im just going to read superman comics and sleep and then maybe play video game or write and call my besties#i can be a real person again later. for now. save me lois lane#rimi talks#clark#lois#jimmy#perry
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nikolai hunting ghost down whenever they're on the same base and plucking him from whatever duties he has to whisk him away somewhere private. he has no authority, nothing more than his reputation as a rogue pilot with a few screws loose, but the way he fearlessly manhandles the ghost has people ducking out of his way anyway
behind a locked door, he offers ghost the choice of either curling up at his feet or sitting pliant in his lap, his full weight against him with his head lax on his shoulder; warm, comfortable, boneless
he then tucks his mask up above his lips and plies him with fruit and sweets; things he'd never buy for himself, indulgences he’d never entertain, wasted on a hollow shell like him
but nikolai? oh, he knows how much he deserves them; these precious moments of peace where the only thing ghost exists for is the next delicious bite
he feeds them to him one by one; thumbing strawberry juice and powdered sugar from his lips, humming in pure pleasure as he sucks it away, and smiles at ghost’s involuntary shivers when he feeds him his favourites. ghost doesn't even know what most of the sweets even are; what they’re made of or even what country nikolai buys them from. he just knows he loves them; loves the chase of nikolai’s fingers on his tongue after each one even more
nikolai always brings plenty for him, always draws it out, wanting these rare breaths of contentment to last for ghost’s sake as much as his own; offering plump bites of tart, homemade treats, letting rich chocolate melt between his fingers so it's soft in his mouth and watches his eyes flutter shut as he savours it
decadence incarnate; slow taught and hard won
ghost licks the dregs from his fingers and suckles them long after they're clean; the thought of an empty mouth so wrong to his sweet-clouded mind. nikolai coos in russian down at him, brushing his fingers through his hair as he holds him close, but he's too far away to take in any of it; the only thing holding him in the present the sugared fingers held gently in his mouth
after all, nikolai's always been his favourite sweet
#been thinking about nikolai hand feeding ghost to cope#do i hate turkish delight? yes#however i do think its something ghost would enjoy#i just imagine nikolai making a layover in between ferrying soldiers to pick up a bag of it from some 150 yr old store#that still makes it the same way they first did traditionally#and bringing it back just to hand feed it to ghost#i think hed like strong flavours#he gives me licorice vibes#what do we think of nikghost over here is it a vibe#bc im very not normal about them on twt#also niksoap#i just need nikolai to soft dom the entire 141 and force them into looking after themselves#its what they deserve#mr ‘we broke into a country and have limited supplies and options but still made sure to get price his favourite gun and bullets’ nikolai#i also have a tiddy sucking thread i can bring over if this hits#coming out of my cage and ive been doing just fine.txt#we’re a team. ghost team#nikghost#nikolaighost#nikolai/ghost#nikolai x ghost#cod nikolai#nikolai cod#simon ghost riley#ghost cod#rarepair#save post#rare pair
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#I'm pretty sure this scene and the way nandor said fuck it is their way of saying this plot blip is over for the most part#(plz for the guide's sake let it be over she's not having this)#I can't believe I'm saying this but thank you jerry (insert nadja gagging after saying something nice here)#what we do in the shadows#wwdits#nandor the relentless#jerry the vampire wwdits#wwdits spoilers#wwdits season 6#wwdits season 6 spoilers#wwdits s6#wwdits s6 spoilers#brought to you by ms paint#ok but like it's clear nandor is reflecting his feelings onto someone else as a way to cope#also we're so close to the end 😭😭😭
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thoughts on dave and aradia (<>)?
day 356
BIG fan tbh. in this house we love and respect timerails
truly yall read this log and tell me theyre not cute
#day 356#year 4#dave strider#aradia megido#aradave#homestuck#she really saw this kid and was like OH YOU HAVE ISSUES WITH YOUR MORTALITY?? :D#boy do i have some relevant life experience and wisdom to impart on THAT ISSUE SPECIFICALLY#and then she just. very gently and kindly makes the subject more approachable for ghostdave#the pesterlog i linked is literally my FAVORITE aradia moment. to me it is THE character defining moment for god tier aradia#yes she is being kind of ominous and trickstery at first#but it VERY quickly becomes clear shes got genuine concern for this kid she's had very little to do with up until this point#she really wants to connect with him over their shared time aspect stuff#and she really DOES care about how he feels about everything. she wants to help and she wants to put him at ease#because she KNOWS from experience that being dead and having to cope with what that means for you is like VERY UPSETTING AND TRAUMATIC#shes not just like. 'hee hee i think death is great and awesome because im edgy'#shes like 'no dude being dead is scary if you dont have anybody to explain this shit to you. so im going to explain it-'#'-and hopefully by the end of this conversation you will have some new things to feel relief and maybe even joy and excitement about'#'not just in spite of the death thing but BECAUSE of it'#i know shes spooky and has weirdgirl swag and we all love that about her but like#at her core she is a very KIND person. she may occasionally struggle to connect to people through the Death Special Interest Haze#but she WANTS to and when she DOES she is like. a genuinely very warm and comforting presence for her friends#ANYWAY. if andrew hussie or i guess james roach now want to give me an honorary doctorate for my 12+ years of intensive aradia studies#i will be here waiting patiently#timerails
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Pardon me while I go weep for three hours
#this ENDING MAN#LIKE THE MOST DRAMATIC ANIME ENDING EVER WITH THE M U S I C I AM SOBBING#NOT OK NOT OK NOT OK#SHADOW CHILD I WILL TAKE YOU IN MY ARMS#this is what we always imagine shadow’s experience to be like!!???!?#the excruciating grief over what might have been#AND NOW ITS CANON#*screaming*#shadow focusing on the very next thing he has to do has always been his instinct but he especially does it now as a coping mechanism#because otherwise if he lets himself think it becomes this#*sobbing*#shadow the hedgehog#dark beginnings#shadow the hedgehog dark beginnings#sxs generations#sxsg dark beginnings
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sequel to this ramble cause the way james talks bout the reduced cherik scenes throughout the xmen films in this video is making me want to kill people. 'we'll always have paris darling' what if we all blew up.
#xmen#xmen first class#xmen dofp#xmen apocalypse#xmen dark phoenix#cherik#snap chats#im gonna be sick ive rewatched this like five times#IM STILL PISSED AWF AND THEN HEARING HIS COMMENTARY ABOUT IT OUUUUGGHHHH#OOOH WHAT IF I THREW ROCKS#LIKE WHAT THE HELL WAS CUT. aside from that gorgeous 'where are you doing' scene in first class ofc BUT WHAT ELSE#im forced to believe there was a make-up and/or hate sex scene in dofp because wdym they were worried about censorship#LIKE WHAT. WHAT DID THEY CUT. CAUSE CENSORSHIP OVERSEAS IS ONLY FOR EXPLICITLY QUEER THINGS INNIT#maybe paris can be our always i hate it here NO I LOVE HOW THE PARIS BIT IS EVEN /THEIR/ COPE#LIKE PLEAAAAASSE im throwing up. maybe if i draw cherik ill feel better#on the real its genuinely so sad. like even outside of shipping this is still art being reduced#and what we have is still good but the thought that it coudlve been BETTER ...#again their connection is already good from what we have in the final but just ... the lost emphasis of it all if that makes sense#ESPECIALLY outside of first class and dofp- like their relationship really is so sparse in DP and apocalypse its so sad#i think what makes it esp sad is how upset james is about the cut material like its so nice that hes so invested in their relationship too#and its just gotta be so. Excuse Me What when youre told 'hey so your characters cant having a deeper relationship or we're fucked'#'even though the relationship between these two is one of the most fascinating aspects of this generation of xmen films'#is it so hard to want to see like .. even just an intimate 'friendship'. like would it be so bad to see them be so heartfelt#or even just bein a bit silly. or hell ill take them fighting again ANYTHING I BEG YOU the humanity between them is so important#LIKE PLEASE im gonna cope and seethe forever i fear#and when he said 'i thought 'its probably the last time we get to do this to each other'' :((((((((((((((((((((( shoot me#at least we'll always have paris ....
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friendly reminder that plurality is caused by trauma. trauma is defined as an event that has a severe negative impact on oneself. there are going to be dark parts of plurality that no one wants to talk about. the brain created you to cope with what it went through. it's okay to have parts (or wholes) that have “twisted” desires, attractions, innerworld or external relationships, sexual or emotional needs, etc. other people might call you disgusting, evil, immoral, but it's just part of being traumatized. it's going to be unpleasant or unsightly.
read the tags.
#shout out to our multiple pairs of siblings who fuck because of the shit our mom and dad put us through with our sister#shout out to our child alters that would put themselves in dangerous situations with irl adults if we didn't healthily satisfy them#because of what our dad and various friends much older than us did to us#shout out to our various alters with non-con fantasies‚ whether its having it done or doing it‚ because we were accused of doing it to our#family and having it done to us before we were even double digits#you might think we're disgusting but this is how the brain copes#being groomed is not an experience you shake off easily#being manipulated and abused is not an experience you shake off easily#15 years of being groomed is going to make our brain do some “twisted” shit#am i scared of posting this because a friend of mine has this account? yeah. but whatever im sure itll be fine hahah.#system#did#did system#actually did#cdid#plural system#sysblr#osdd#did osdd#osdd system#endos dni#plurality is a trauma response xoxo
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They are IN LOVE! and being so brave about it!!!
#giant tiny#gt#g/t#size difference#size difference???????#sizetumblr#mini giant#they’re both quite young (she’s twenty and never been kissed. he’s trans and not expressed love this way before 🥺)#the state is fucking with me and my trans girlfriend right now and I’m so mad I’m so so mad about it#but I’m coping by drawing these little trans lovers loving despite the danger#all we have is love and community in the face of this state of fascist affairs#and I am so glad I have love and community here. I don’t know what I would do#anyway giant robot#ocs#my ocs#my art#illustration#notes app
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NEED TO TEST WITH TOO PEEPL
GUESS WHOS STILL MOURNING THE FINALE OF THIS SHOW LIKE MY OWN FATHER DIED!!!!! THIS GUY!!!!!!!!!
#remember when i said i was grieving this worse than real people. i wasn't joking.#rewatching everyday as a coping mechanism bc i have convinced myself i will once again have new episodes in october#welcome to the delusion bank we got delusion on deck delusion on da flo#TOASTED#also nandor is a flying fox nadja is a long eared bat and laszlo is a vampire bat bc i said so.#cat draws#wwdits#wwdits fx#wwdits fanart#nandor my betrothed#what we do in the shadows#what we do in the shadows fanart#nandermo#nandermo fanart#nandor x guillermo#guillermo x nandor#nandor the relentless#nandor wwdits#wwdits nandor#guillermo de la cruz#guillermo wwdits#wwdits guillermo#nadja of antipaxos#nadja wwdits#wwdits nadja#laszlo cravensworth#laszlo wwdits#wwdits laszlo
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Shinsou: I hate all those things that were like, “they used to be so strong and funny…. ThEn [insert trauma here], now they are a shell of what they once were”
Shinsou: I can be traumatized and still be strong and funny. I’m the funniest fucker I know
Tsuyu: yesterday you said that you wanted to enter a coma so you didn’t have to deal with an authority figure being mad at you again
Shinsou: both can be true, am I not allowed to have duality, tsuyu??
#he’s fine he just has to be dramatic about it first#it’s so okay it not like I have a panic attack when an authority figure looks at me#that’s crazy I’d never nope not me#Aizawa is probably the current authority figure for shinsou#tsuyu is not afraid to check her on her friends mental health and we love to see that#what a lad#she’ll call bullshit without a second thought#anyway. I saw one too many things about Ellie being strong and funny until ‘David broke her’ and fuck that bullshit#as someone who has been abused their entire life that stuff makes me mad as hell#that being said. if that’s what someone needs to do to cope. I bid them the best of luck and all of my love and support#bnha#mha#incorrect mha quotes#incorrect my hero academia quotes#mha incorrect quotes#bnha incorrect quotes#incorrect bnha quotes#shinsou is in the izucrew#shinsou hitoshi#asai tsuyu#incorrect izucrew#izucrew#izucrew as family
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And You and I
#inspired by Yes's “And You and I” of course!#this is not necessarily ship art but it can and should be interpreted as affection of any form as long as its intense#what if we were both espers and had a fundamental trait that made both of us lonely and insecure#because we were afraid that without our powers we weren't worth much and nobody would care about us#but we had very different experiences and traumas that shaped us into opposites and made us hurt each other#which shatters one of us's worldview and makes them obsessed over the other in a unhealthy way in order to cope#but then they have to leave this behind too and start to see the other as an equal and a flawed human being#and we have to start this relationship all over again and learn about ourselves and each other in a positive more vulnerable way#promising to not do harm again like we did on the past while developing a real and more sincere bond#for the reason we are the ones who truly understands the other the most?#its not enough for me for them to like each other it needs to be insane and have a weirdly complicated transition between stages#mp100#mob psycho 100#mp100 fanart#teruki hanazawa#shigeo kageyama#terumob#lalarts
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I’m going to paint you a picture of modern communication, and how it is fundamentally broken.
Let’s look at one friend. You chat pretty much everyday, and mostly talk to this person on twitter and discord, with occasional tumblr DMs. That’s three places you talk. But that’s actually not true, because you also have each other’s priv twitters and talk there as well. That’s four. Now account for, let’s say, one post reply per account per person, in addition to your DMs. That’s eight. But that’s ALSO not true, because not only do you talk in discord DMs with each other, but you’re in a friend group server as well! And you talk in those channels together! That’s nine.
This is one friend.
Now look around you. How many friends, how many mutuals are you in contact with. A few, a handful, a dozen, more? How many accounts per person do you have, how many places can you send each other posts, devolve into separate topics and conversations? How many people text you as well. Friends, family, coworkers? What do you do day to day around catching up, what IRL commitments will rip you away long enough to let the pile build again?
I can’t do it. I cannot live an actual life in the real world and balance this much interaction, it’s crushing. I reply to a friend’s post because I’m interested in the subject, I want to have a discussion! I WANT to talk about it with them, but I immediately kick myself for adding another conversation to the pile. Day by day, I ignore messages for hours on end and watch mountains pile around me, to reply en masse at the end of the night to let the cycle repeat. I wake up to six discord DMs and as I clear the third, the first replies back again.
We weren’t meant to have thirty simultaneous conversations. We weren’t. And you know in your bones that the number isn’t an exaggeration.
#hush catríona#this is essentially copy pasted from my twt last week but made a touch more coherent#iiiii spiral about this pretty regularly. i think this is the 4th or 5th time ive gone on this spiel bc its agonizing#i feel horrific guilt for ignoring messages for so long. and its absolutely voluntary. but i cant FUNCTION like this i cant DO it#i have friends where we talk Every Single Day and i LOVE them so much. so unfathomably much. but it KILLS me#hell take my roomie for example. one of my fav ppl in the world. we text- twit dm- discord dm- ig dm- reply to posts. thats five right?#i guess!!! but we also LIVE TOGETHER. i see them in real life and talk to them out loud with my voice and its still this much to add on!!!!#and i feel like nobody else talks abt this shit and it makes me feel crazy. am i the only person completely debilitated by this???#i dont want this to come across as like ‘boohoo we get it ur sooo popular’ that is NOT what this post means#i think a lot of ppl big acct or small. fandom or otherwise. talk to a dozen ppl online. and i dont get how anyone copes#this is agony. and every single time i ever make a post? its another opportunity to add to the pile#i only reply to comments on posts on twt and this is why. i cant DO it i cant keep up. i see every tag and im so grateful but i cant ever#reach out. i cant add to the pile. theyre already taller than me
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I notice Nahida is portrayed as frustrated or scolding of other characters (usually Wanderer) in fanon often but to be honest I don’t think Nahida really has that much of a temper where she defaults to that sort of thing very much….She can be angry and firm as needed but I really don’t think that’s her first instinct on how to assert herself in a lot of cases.
She instead really strikes me as someone who primarily gets upset when it’s on behalf of other people or someone embodying ideas she finds very devoid of care and compassion for others….but struggles to really be angry on her own behalf. Like, it’s pointed out it’s only until she’s actively being rescued that she finally says she’s angry at the Sages, and while she is openly angry then we see later everyone comments on how they seem to have gotten off days, which I touched on in this post and feel u can infer from that this idea Nahida struggles to be harsh even towards to the people who kept her in a cage for 500 years—which makes when u see how much she rationalizes being treated like this earlier on. She ultimately seems more concerned with the Sages mistreatment of her people vs their mistreatment of Nahida herself.
This feels consistent to why she seems pretty visibly disgusted with Dottore when they have their negotiation. Dottore is more or less an antithesis to everything she believes about wisdom and embodies a lot of malice and cruelty that Nahida would be really disturbed by. I personally like to write her lack of a temper in some areas as something that seems almost troubling — bc on one hand she’s very forgiving and kind despite through being a lot, but on the other this seems like it might be rooted in just genuinely not allowing herself to be angry to protect herself. But yeah overall I think unless you’re really causing an issue Nahida is more likely to give you a kind of frazzled sad puppy look and very politely ask you to be better as opposed to hitting you with a sandal or scolding you for it
In the case of her relationship with Wanderer specifically I’ve like, talked about how I feel people overlook the fact Wanderer makes a genuine effort to cooperate with Nahida and doesn’t really fight with her much…so i don’t think they’re often bickering with each other to the point Nahida has to get really firm with him. She seems to have a pretty interesting amount of patience with him especially post AQ, which again I think is helped by the fact Wanderer is genuinely trying to cooperate and she sees that. We do see her ask Traveler + Scaramouche to stop bickering in Inversion of Genesis but she is in my opinion very polite and at most a bit awkward about it, not scolding or irritated
#tbh the way ppl make her scolding and getting on ppl’s case just feels like part of maternal/mom/etc Nahida fanon#which is my arch nemesis. so. JJSNXJXJ#she is not nagging wanderer to do the dishes or whatever he is a grown man etc#I feel ppl want to give her depth abt her history and stuff but default to the idea she has like#secret anger or resentment bc she bottles her feelings up#but I do not think this is what goes on in nahidas brain. I think she just genuinely rationalizes herself out of being upset or angry about#things sometimes and like she Can have a temper but it goes alongside the fact#more than anything she really wants to be a good archon and cares a lot about people and#reasonably had to rationalize there must be a reason she was put in a cage for 500 years to cope with it#ergo this is why why we r told she’s imprisoned she initially excuses it with like#um well they were understandably expecting rukkhadevata when they saw me#and I am not powerful or useful :( so my existence has little meaning#JAKJSNXMXNX#NAHIDA.#genshin#nahida#genshin tangents
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