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caramel1mochi · 3 months ago

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One Hazy Winter [Iso x F! Reader] [End]

[ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 ]

Genre: Angst, fluff ‎

Words: 3k ‎

Synopsis: One winter before his disappearance, you told your boyfriend Yu about a question you’ve had for so long; one even he could hardly respond to. It took many more hopeless winters for you to finally have your answer.‎

Note: Please don't copy or steal my work and pass it off as your own! If you'd like to use one of my headcanons or something, I'd love it if you tagged or asked.

We're done with Iso!! As per the vote, I'm moving on to Yoru once everything's ready. And man is he as painful to write as I remember haha

‎

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ· +❤·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·

Spring, present day.

ㅤㅤ

It took you a long while to decide on whether that was one of the worst or best months of your life.

On one hand, you came back with a quarter of the harvest you were supposed to get, and you had to wait for a while until your lemon trees would bear fruit once more. That, and working with only thirteen lemons turned out to be much more difficult than you thought when it comes to baking.

And on the other hand, it was fun attempting to come up with workarounds with Ying. That, and you woke up the next morning with a new sensation that wrapped around you like a clingy lover. And it wasn't anything like the miserable pessimism you hauled around, or like the apathy that…

No, no. It was apathy.

But a more positive kind of apathy. One that beckoned you to come to terms with many dilemmas in your mind. One of them being that winter was just... winter. A season. And like every other season, it had its ups and downs. It wasn't some omnipresent being out to get you, or whatever.

And quite frankly, this apathy was the best feeling you've ever had in a long... well, in your entire life. You woke up looking forward to the day, with a desire to actually get things going.

And that's exactly what you did.

You spent the past three months selling those plants back in your apartment at that nursery, you made friends with that lady who recommended you do such a thing, and now you were back at Yu’s house to check in on your growing orange trees. Heck, Yu’s neighbours even started greeting you whenever you came by.

They definitely saw you carrying the baskets of fruit and wanted some. Maybe you should use this wealthy neighbourhood to your advantage, you mused.

ㅤ

Ying called you earlier and mentioned discussing the state of her café with you since she had ‘more important matters to get to’. And you didn’t really mind, despite still being a mere barista, but she said she’d discuss the details by afternoon… But the location? Yeah, she promised she’d get back to you on that after she’d decided.

You moved down the short corridor, your eyes taking a moment to adjust to the strong rays that poured through the windows of the doors. The darkness around you did not help ease the pain of such a bright light. But even then, you wrapped your free hand around the handle and forced the door open, allowing the brightness to finally balance itself out.

You noticed something yellow out of the corner of your eye. And you would’ve dismissed it if you hadn’t turned to look at what it was. It was… inside the basket. There was one Meyer lemon, probably from that harvest months ago that the two of you missed. It kind of made sense that you’d forget it. You haven’t really visited this house after that day, not with the ongoing streak of snowstorms. And, you know, Ying’s persistence on keeping you safe.

Your thoughts were interrupted by the buzzing of a nearby mosquito. And immediately, you dropped the watering can and crushed the bug, instantly killing it. Now that you considered it, the one good thing about winter was the lack of annoying insects. That, and the fact it helped plants rejuvenate after a harvest, and that it kept earth’s temperature in check, and…

No, nevermind. You didn’t want to be warming up to winter. Pun intended.

You moved back towards your growing orange trees and observed their shape for a moment. And like the row of lemon trees right behind them, they looked as otherworldly as they were. The white flowers on it looked even prettier under the sunlight’s strong glare. Much prettier than in the winter, but they both had their charm. Super photogenic.

Just as you grabbed the watering can up from the ground, your phone vibrated with an embarrassingly loud ringtone, and you pulled it out of your pocket only to discover that Ying was calling. At the worst time as well, you thought as you answered and held up the device to your ear.

ㅤ

"Hi."

ㅤ

"Y/N, I've decided!"

ㅤ

Her voice took you by surprise more than the ensemble of loud chirping birds around you.

ㅤ

"Decided?"

ㅤ

"We're going to meet up on the bridge. Do you remember it?"

ㅤ

You kept the phone held up against your ear with your shoulder, grabbing one branch and gently pushing it aside so that the water from your can could reach every crevice of the tree.

ㅤ

"The bridge...?"

ㅤ

"Yes! I was told it looks ethereal in the spring, and it truly does! Ah, and it's closer to the train station than I thought. We can use it as a landmark for when we leave. What do you think?"

ㅤ

You continued watering in silence for a moment. It looks ethereal in the spring? Who the heck told her that?

Whatever, it wasn’t your job to question everything.

ㅤ

"That can work. When do I come by?"

ㅤ

"Actually, I'm already here."

ㅤ

You immediately stopped watering.

ㅤ

"Already? Ying, the least you could've done was give me a heads up."

ㅤ

“I’m sorry, but I have something scheduled for sundown! I’ll see you there, okay? I promise you, it’ll be worth it!”

ㅤ

She closed the call before you could retort.

She was probably going to promote you or straight up just hand you the café. What with how busy she was starting to get and how much she disappeared, it wouldn’t surprise you if it turned out to be actually that. You didn’t really mind taking control of the café, now that you thought about it… Oh, but the idea of dealing with your co-workers’ minute problems sounded like pure torture.

You sighed and continued watering your plants in silence, quickening your pace so that you’d be able to make it to her in time.

ㅤ

It took you a while, but eventually, you made it. And the only guidance you used was the pitter patter of the children’s feet as they ran around and cackled, alongside the melodic chirping of the birds. The bus left a trail of smoke as it sped off, but this one mild inconvenience was immediately drowned out by the sight before you.

Ying was right, the place looked like paradise on Earth now that it was spring.

The waters were crystal clear, the trees were full of life and the grass on the ground vibrated with an enigmatic amount of cheerfulness. Almost like they were harmoniously swaying to a tune you couldn’t hear. Had someone taken a picture of this place, you would’ve convinced yourself it was just editing and that there was no way Earth would look like this.

But it did, you mused as you approached the bridge.

It didn’t take long for you to arrive at a comfortable spot and rest your arms on the warm railing. Thankfully, despite your short height, the railings weren’t too tall and your loose clothes allowed you maximum flexibility to peer through to catch a glimpse of the waters. Short enough for you to be able to comfortably lean on it, but not so short children could fall down.

Your eyes were firmly fixated on the lake. And for the first time in so long, you felt... content.

You still didn't know what your goal in life was. You still didn't know why you should keep going, among many other questions like that. But all you knew was that the path your life headed in... Well, you didn’t want to change anything about it.

What would tomorrow look like? You pondered with a fond smile, holding up the Meyer lemon just above the lake and allowing the sun's light to shine in on it. And it beamed. It beamed with celestial beauty unfathomable to the human mind.

This was your harvest.

You put down the lemon with an even wider smile and stared at the lake instead, the fish that swam by. Tomorrow sounded amazing, now that you thought about it.

And you looked forward to it.

ㅤ

"Y/N?"

ㅤ

A soft voice promptly came up from behind you. You sighed and stuffed the lemon back into your pockets, before turning around to meet her gaze.

ㅤ

"What took you so long? I thought you were in a hurry–"

ㅤ

The moment you locked gazes with a familiar pair of lilac eyes, your breathing hitched, and time stood still.

It took a moment to comprehend that this person wasn’t Ying. It wasn’t Ying at all. It was… You felt your heart drop as you rapidly looked the figure up and down.

Broad shoulders, purple eyes, black hair, tall stature…

It was Yu. He stood only a few feet away from you; and he donned a meticulously designed hoodie with collars tall enough to conceal the lower portion of his face. One you had never seen before.

The words were lodged in your throat. Scratch that, no, your mind went completely blank, and the world felt like it started breaking apart.

ㅤ

“Yu…”

ㅤ

"Y/N, I..." He took a step forward, the floorboards audibly creaking under his weight. "I'm so sorry."

ㅤ

His voice had a sombre undertone. Slight and drowned out by the mirth that surrounded the both of you, but it was still telling. It was one that successfully let you know that he drowned in regret, all without saying a single word.

And yet, you still weren't sure how to feel about this. Sad? Happy? Furious? The second option was the most obvious one in your mind, but for the love of God, you just couldn’t form a single thought in your head. Heck, you couldn’t even comprehend the situation in general. All you knew was that Yu was here. And that was… No, wrong wasn’t the word.

His hand gently clasped your shoulder, and a familiar warmth landed alongside it.

ㅤ

"I'm sorry it took so long, but I- I was caught up in so many things, and it all just..."

ㅤ

He then pulled you into a hug. Your cheek slammed against his chest, the impact only cushioned by his thick hoodie.

ㅤ

"I missed you."

ㅤ

You didn't react.

For a few seconds, you stood there with a stiff posture as you stared into space, unsure whether you should return the hug or just stay silent and not do anything. This whole situation felt unreal. It felt like one of those hyper realistic dreams your brain would conjure up whenever it decided it wanted to escape your pitiful life, but that sprinkle of hope always scattered the moment you woke up. But it wasn't. In fact, he stood right there, the familiar scent of lemons taking over your nostrils on account of how close he was.

Yu was here… He was present. He came back.

Though you shut your eyes as hard as you could, tears still formed against your will, and they were quick to stream down your cheeks.

ㅤ

"Where..." you started, "Where were you...?"

ㅤ

You weakly pulled away, but Yu still kept you in his grip. And you immediately took this chance to observe him all over again despite your incredibly blurry vision. It was as if those years had never passed given his features. He still had that same enchanting face, and those pretty lilac eyes that always tore away at your stress with just one glance.

ㅤ

"After all this time..."

ㅤ

You held his cheek and caressed it. His pale skin yielded under your touch, and the palm of your hand outlined the sharp structure of his jaw. The softness of his skin, the flicker of vulnerability in his eyes juxtaposed to his stony expression… All of it was all so familiar.

ㅤ

"Why did you leave me, Yu?"

ㅤ

"I'm– I'm sorry, Y/N. It wasn't my choice. If I could take it all back, I would–"

ㅤ

"Why did you leave me?!"

ㅤ

You burst into tears and clutched his hoodie, burying your head in his chest.

ㅤ

"I thought you were dead! I– I thought that– I thought... I thought I lost you...!"

ㅤ

Out of pure instinct, Yu was quick to bring you closer and tightly hold you in his arms.

ㅤ

"I'm here, I'm here, okay? Nobody's dead."

ㅤ

"I thought you died, Yu! I thought you were dead, I– thought you were..."

ㅤ

Your sobs and nonsensical babbles continued. It was all the same repetitive questions about his well being, and more specifically, how you thought he was dead. Each sentence you managed to complete felt like another blade plunging his heart, only further drowning him in guilt.

And unfortunately for him, the only thing Yu knew to do in this situation was hold you and gently caress your back.

ㅤ

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I– I should've explained it all from the beginning. But I... didn't want to lose you if I ever did."

ㅤ

He knew how stupidly soft you made him. How he'd stutter when speaking to you, and how wide his smile had gotten when you two first hugged, your arms squishing his thick white hoodie just to reach his form. The same hoodie he spent hours washing blood off of the night before.

Maybe he should've told you.

ㅤ

"I thought you were dead, I– I thought... that gun, you–"

ㅤ

Though you followed these loosely strung sentences with a curse, one specific word successfully pierced his bubble.

ㅤ

"Gun? What gun?"

ㅤ

This question seemed to bring you back as well. You pulled away, and just the sight of your red cheeks and shimmering eyes, aching with raw emotion, all of it was enough for him to understand how much this impacted you.

ㅤ

"I saw that gun. N– next to that medallion." You furrowed your brow, the sun sharply highlighting your tear-stricken face. "Is that it? Are you in a gang, Yu? Is that what you couldn't tell me?!"

ㅤ

"No! I– I wasn't in a gang, Y/N. It's..."

ㅤ

Yu's gaze fell. Unintentionally, he instead eyed your trembling hands.

He couldn’t hide this anymore, could he?

ㅤ

"I– I'm... Look, as unbelievable as this sounds, I– I was a… I was a hitman."

ㅤ

"...You were what? A hitman?!"

ㅤ

"Yeah. I… That’s the truth."

ㅤ

You narrowed your eyes. It really was unbelievable. How could someone like him be capable of killing someone? No, not someone, but people? And for a job?! You would’ve labelled him a liar if it weren’t for that blasted gun.

Then, a name popped up in your mind, one that seemed to support this idea.

ㅤ

"Iso...?"

ㅤ

He went blank for a moment.

ㅤ

"...That's, uh, no, that's a code name. I switched to a profession less... suffocating. That's what they call me now."

ㅤ

"Ying was in on this?"

ㅤ

Yu's face blanched. But quickly, he held your hand and firmly kept it in your grip.

ㅤ

"She was my only way of knowing you were alive! There wasn't any– Y/N, look, none of this should've happened, I know I should've been honest from the beginning, but I didn't want you to leave if I ever told you!” His eyes darted elsewhere. “Ying wasn’t happy when she found out, but I–"

ㅤ

"I’m not like her! I never would've gone anywhere! You could've been the devil and I still would've stayed because I wouldn’t have kept going if you weren’t there!” You furrowed your brow. ”But that's not the case anymore. I still love you, but I know what I deserve, Yu. I know I deserve a relationship that isn't... one-sided..."

ㅤ

You suddenly choked on your words. Yet, he was quick to respond when he could.

ㅤ

"But we can have that, Y/N! We can start anew, no more secrets. Nothing between us, okay? Nothing but the truth. Just, please..." he squeezed your trembling hand, "give me one more chance. I promise I'll make you the happiest woman on Earth."

ㅤ

Tears began to flow once more, tracing the same path as the ones that had dried out mere seconds ago.

For a moment, your eyes slammed shut, and you used this pause to both catch your breath and comprehend the situation. It was hard to make a decision. Sure, you were unbelievably mad at everything. At Ying, at Yu, at the world, and especially those people who held Yu hostage, if his words were to be believed.

But, Hitman…? It sounded so unbelievable. Yu was just way too kind and pacifistic to commit murder. It sounded impossible.

Almost mechanically, You rested your head on his chest, lying limp as he wrapped his arms around you. The lack of aversion on your side registered as permission for him to hold you. Not that he still didn't remain incredibly cautious.

ㅤ

"Happiest woman on Earth..."

ㅤ

You muttered ponderously to yourself. You were already happy. But you knew you’d be happier with him. Even after everything that happened, you missed having him by your side again. You missed his curious little questions about things you considered mundane, and that endearing look of realisation as you explained it to him…

Then, a smile lifted your lips.

ㅤ

"I missed you, Yu." You hugged him back. "From now on, you’ll be honest with me. About everything."

ㅤ

Being this close to him, you felt the jump in his palpitations as he registered these words.

ㅤ

"I will! I will. I promise."

ㅤ

You closed your eyes, allowing the familiar scent of lemons to enter your nostrils and put your mind at ease once more. The two of you stayed like this for a second. It felt like this embrace’s sole purpose was to make up for how much you two missed each other. Of course, he knew he would’ve lost a bit of his sanity had he not known about your whereabouts, but he also knew that saying that probably… Maybe it’s best to keep quiet. Thank God for Ying’s updates…

Then, his eyes shot open at the mention of the healer.

ㅤ

“Hey, let’s go home. I have so much to tell you.”

ㅤ

You pulled away and wiped your cheek once more, noticing the eagerness etched on his features. You nodded.

ㅤ

“I’d like that.”

ㅤ

With that, he held your hand and helped you stand up, and the two of you began walking away from the bridge. His thumb promptly began tracing the lines on your palm all on its own. And of course, you couldn’t help but wistfully smile at this familiar

Despite everything, you couldn’t truly hate this man, no matter how much you knew you had to. You just wanted to know how this gentle giant was supposedly a hitman.

You rested your head on his shoulder as you moved.

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caramel1mochi · 6 months ago

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One Hazy Winter [Iso x F! Reader] [6]

[ Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 ]

Genre: Angst, fluff ‎

TW: Heavy depression, implied suicide ‎ ‎

Words: 5.8k ‎

Note: Please don't copy or steal my work and pass it off as your own! If you'd like to use one of my headcanons or something, I'd love it if you tagged or asked.

Heya! So I planned on doing this after I finished this story, turns out the scenes were too long and I need split it in two. Anyway, while I was tidying this, I couldn't decide on who the protagonist for my next x reader should be. So I'm making a poll! I'll be posting it within the next few days. I'm REALLY leaning towards Clove, but I thought it would be better if you guys chose instead. Thanks and have a good read!

。+❤ฺ·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ· +❤·。❤ฺ·。+❤ฺ·

Ying immediately rushed to her car when you shut the call and sped towards Yu’s house with only a coat to keep her warm.

Her neighbourhood’s location didn’t allow the haze to obscure too much of the residents’ vision. It was a good amount, but not debilitatingly blinding like your area unfortunately was.

And to her relief, the storm had abated by the time she had finally arrived at Yu’s house. For a moment, she was led to believe that you weren’t there yet, but all of that hope quickly dissipated once she saw faint footsteps imprinted on the thick snow just in front of her. Even with the storm that was still ongoing at the time, the rapid snowflakes weren’t falling fast enough to fully cover them.

This let her know you arrived way before her, all in the middle of a blizzard.

Ying slowly stepped out of her car and hugged herself in an effort to keep herself safe from the cold. It wasn’t much, and she wasn’t exactly built to stay warm with just her hands, but it was the best she could do at the moment.

She took out her spare keys and scrambled to open the front door, all while struggling to ignore the stinging cold temperature of the handle she so desperately pulled on. With one final click, the door swung open, and she was swiftly allowed an entrance to a house as lifeless and miserable as the atmosphere that engulfed her. With a deep breath, she rushed right through, swallowing all her fears with her.

‎ ��

Everything was dark; the air was heavy… It all felt so constricted and suffocating. The windows were shut, and the lingering smog and rapid snowfall effortlessly blocked any sun rays from entering. But despite all of this, the house still felt unbearably cold from the inside. That, and there was still a considerable amount of misplaced light coming from... Her eyes promptly fell on the source, and it didn’t take long for her to come to her own conclusion.

The doors to the backyard were ajar, and this freely let in the cold and the snow without concern for the consequences. It was easy to tell that you pulled them open and rushed outside as fast as you could.

A sigh escaped her, and she moved through the vast yet smothering living room.

‎ ‎

“Y/N?”

‎ ‎

She called out, the echo of her voice only forcing her to outline the shakiness of it, how concerned she was. Even her muffled steps weren’t spared from the mocking reverberation around her as she slowly marched towards the double doors. And with each step, the higher the possibility was that you had died. Hypothermia at the absolute best. But at worst? Even if it logically made sense, she wanted to do anything but consider it.

It didn't take long for her to finally arrive in front of the two doors, her bare fingers slowly wrapping around the handle.

‎ ‎

“Y/N, are you out here?”

‎ ‎

Ying asked sheepishly as she pulled it wide open. But immediately, she fell into silence at the sight.

In front of her were the very trees that were so lively and vivid just a few weeks ago. Their hypnotisingly green leaves, and especially the white flowers she found so pretty. All of it was missing; it was violently ripped off with little regard. Now, the only thing all of the dead branches were capable of lifting was the very snow that killed it, all signs of life having scattered within mere hours.

There were no flowers. There were no leaves. All that remained was the filthy aroma of death and a few lemons that swung hopelessly in the wind, all dangling under the mercy of the second incoming blizzard. Only one more push from the merciless winds was all it took for them to disappear as well.

Ying's eyes then fell on your figure. You were on your knees, not too far away from the decaying trees you were facing, hands on your lap, shoulders slumped, silent, and... unmoving. Still like a statue. It's not that she wasn't beyond grateful that you were alive; she absolutely was, but this... this stasis, so to speak, immediately flooded her with concern.

At least when Yu was in a state somewhat similar to yours, Ying could tell that he was alive. You looked no different from a dead body.

‎ ‎

“Are… Are you okay…?”

‎ ‎

Ying slowly moved down the steps concealed by snow, her feet digging through inches upon inches of it before finally reaching solid ground. You had already processed her presence by the time she got close.

But even as she placed one hand on your shoulder, you didn't react. You couldn’t. Once she leaned closer for a better look, only now could Ying just barely dig out the empty expression on your face through the small openings in your pitch-black hair. The pure, unalloyed sense of detachment etched on your features, and that dreadful empty glare. Even though it was quite a laughable expectation considering who you were, she had assumed there would be tears, or… for you to scream, something like that. Somehow, this was much, much worse.

She stopped and knelt right beside you, unsure how to ease your sorrows after such a loss. Not when you were so silent and gave her absolutely nothing to work with.

‎ ‎

"Y/N, I'm– I’m so sorry..."

‎ ‎

Ying earned naught of a response from you.

You didn’t bother to note just how stiff and numb the tips of your fingers felt. It could be bloody frostbite for all you care, but that did little to shift your concerns. It was nothing in the face of what had just happened. It was hard to convince yourself not to chop down all of the trees again and call it quits. Drop gardening and rot in bed all day. Just like last time.

It took you years to build up the courage to plant again, let alone enter your dead boyfriend's house and spend more than two minutes there. Just a few years ago, the thought of your parents' and Yu's favourite fruits would nauseate you.

You thought you had come so far, only for this to happen. And in your mind, there was one concept that had now become clear. Everything you ever work for, everything that could ever make you happy, winter will be there to wash it all away in the blink of an eye… for no reason. So really, why bother? You mused to yourself, ignorant to the snow that surrounded your now-numb legs. Why bother plucking the last few lemons that dangled from the branches? They'd rot anyway. Or something would be wrong with them. Infested with some fungal disease you missed, probably. They'd wither away like everything else.

Your parents, Yu, and now this.

You felt all of the misery that used to swim in your mind return. And in this situation, it was the only thing that felt familiar. The familiarity of the heaviness in your body that would prevent you from moving, and the familiarity of vehemently refusing to see a tomorrow if Yu wasn't within your vicinity. The familiarity of depending on others for a better state of mind.

…

Ugh.

Ying flinched once you stood up all of a sudden and moved forward. She immediately followed your lead, placing one hand on your shoulder to stop you.

‎ ‎

"What are you doing?"

‎ ‎

"I'm taking those lemons."

‎ ‎

"What? No, it's too dangerous. Let's just head back inside, I–"

‎ ‎

"Go inside– are you kidding? So I can mope when the blizzard inevitably takes it all away? I'm not going to do that anymore."

‎ ‎

“Y/N, it’s too dangerous!”

‎ ‎

You ignored her.

But just as you took a step away, you felt a firm hold on your wrist that forced you to cut your path short. You angrily met Ying's gaze in response, but she was quick to speak before you could.

‎ ‎

"Listen to me! We can wait for the blizzard to pass, plant another tree, and start all over again. Anything. Please just listen to me, Y/N. This is suicide!"

‎ ‎

"I've had enough of this! I'm not going to be passive anymore! Don't you dare drag me down!"

‎ ‎

She furrowed her brow.

‎ ‎

“These trees can die, Y/N, we can always plant another; but what if something happens to you?!”

‎ ‎

“Let go of me! You’re wasting your breath.”

‎ ‎

You attempted to pull away, but Ying kept you firmly in her hold. So much so, you were sure she could cut off your circulation with a bit more pressure. Since when was she this strong?

‎ ‎

"I understand that winter took everything from you and put you in depression. But, please, don't let it take you away as well!"

‎ ‎

"Winter didn't put me in anything, Ying. I let winter do this to me." You clenched your fist. "And I'm fed up with it! I don't want to be happy because Yu is with me, or because the trees are still standing, or– or because of something else, I want to be happy because I want what’s best for me!"

‎ ‎

You narrowed your eyes.

‎ ‎

"I finally care about the woman I see in the mirror, Ying. And winter can take that when I'm six feet under!"

‎ ‎

With her mind overwhelmed, you managed to escape her grasp in the midst of your words. And immediately, you took your chance and moved towards the trees. Ying, in panic, called out for you,

‎ ‎

"Wait, wait I–" she quickly followed, "let me help you, okay? Let me help you."

‎ ‎

Her hand was placed on your shoulder instead. And immediately, this forced you to stop as you looked at her once more.

‎ ‎

"Your determination is admirable, Y/N. And... if you're so adamant about this, then I'd like to support you in the process."

‎ ‎

You stared at her for a few prolonged seconds, attempting to deduce whether or not she was serious. And she was. Ying, the woman who undeniably had more of an incentive to stay alive, desired to help you under the threat of another blizzard.

Once this realisation dawned on you, a weak smile played on your lips.

‎ ‎

"Thank you, Ying."

‎ ‎

She met you with a smile a lot wider and more natural than yours. Then, with a subtle gesture, both of you moved towards the trees and aimed to pluck the last few remaining lemons and make sure you used them to their absolute fullest potential.

‎ ‎

Six trees were planted, and you only managed to harvest about thirteen Meyer lemons. Which was embarrassing, since you would've usually come back with no less than six baskets stuffed with the golden fruit if it weren't for the blizzard. The urge to call it a pitiful harvest and toss it all perked up, but doing that would be giving in and crawling back to the prison of misery you tried too hard to escape from. You were so close. You couldn’t give up now.

The doors were slammed shut behind the two of you, and you quickly set down the mostly-empty basket. But before you could recount them, the gloves you wore were forcefully snatched away from you, and Ying immediately took your hands in hers.

‎ ‎

"Look at how blue your fingers are! Any longer, and you could have these amputated."

‎ ‎

Her soft fingers intertwined with yours. And somehow, the longer she kept this embrace still, the weaker the blue tint would be. Warmth shortly began enveloping your hands.

‎ ‎

"Ying, is there any reason for this?"

‎ ‎

"For what?"

‎ ‎

You used your eyes to point at what she was doing. And as per usual, it took her a moment to realise what you meant, a titter escaping her once she finally caught on.

‎ ‎

"Oh, the– uhh, the warmth from my hands, it– it helps, that is all."

‎ ‎

You stared at her with a raised eyebrow, accompanied by an unamused expression. That's one magically warm hand, you mulled whilst the blood returned to your fingers. But you were too exhausted to actually make that comment. And instead, you opted to wait for her until she was done holding you.

It only took a few extra seconds until Ying allowed you to finally pull your hands away. And once you did, you squeezed your index finger, taking in the sensation of being able to feel your limbs again. Thankfully, the heaviness was gone... both physically and mentally.

‎ ‎

"Thank you, Ying. This should make things easier–"

‎ ‎

The words were lodged in your throat once Ying suddenly forced you into a tight hug.

A sigh escaped her, almost as if the two of you had just escaped a life-threatening situation. Maybe to her, sure, but it didn’t really matter to you.

‎ ‎

"I'm so proud of you, Y/N. You've come so far." She pulled away. "I– I don't condone you risking your life, and please, never, ever do this again, but I commend you on your bravery."

‎ ‎

"Thank you...?"

‎ ‎

"Oh! I almost forgot, are you free this March?"

‎ ‎

You were confused about how to feel about her compliments, but this question, combined with the whiplash, was all it took for you to completely forget about what she said. Besides, how many times has she asked this now?

But, to be fair, she never really received a direct answer from you. From what you remembered, anyway.

‎ ‎

"Yes, I am. What is it with you and March?"

‎ ‎

"That's because we're visiting Yu's grandmother in the spring!"

‎ ‎

"Spring? But the lemons–"

‎ ‎

"We'll bake them into lemon bars! Something with a texture so soft, it’ll be exactly like biting into a sweet cloud! What do you think?"

‎ ‎

She inadvertently held and squeezed both of your hands to emphasise her words. And by God, you couldn't help but smile at her excitement. Even you couldn’t deny how cute it was to see her like this.

You escaped her grasp and held her wrist instead, moving down the dark corridor so you could lead her to the kitchen.

‎ ‎

"I'm sure she'll love it, Ying."

‎ ‎

With a beaming smile, your boss quickly snatched the basket on the way and continued following you. You could tell by the grin on her face that she was daydreaming about the day you'd both finally take the train to Yu's grandma again, to visit her after so long. And, admittedly, you couldn't help but do the same.

March is definitely going to be a fun month when it finally comes around. Besides, Yu’s grandmother always preferred softer foods, didn’t she? If, again, your memory served you correctly.

‎ ‎

❤ฺ·。

‎ ‎

Winter, two years ago.

‎ ‎

Why don't you just break up with him?

Seriously, what was the point of any of this? The stress of dating a man who shamelessly kept so many secrets from you? Honesty is supposed to be one of the pillars of a relationship, isn't it? And yet, it was nowhere to be seen in this one.

That's what ran through your mind for an entire day.

You've been dating Yu for a while now, and it felt like your relationship had been progressing at an adequate rate. He showed you many details about his life, including his house… but he refused to even disclose who the woman in the picture was. And this time, as opposed to how patient you've been for the past few years you've been dating him, you saw red.

Why didn’t he tell you about her? What did he have to hide? Was there something you just weren’t meant to know?

But... you stayed quiet. You acted like nothing was wrong for the rest of the day. The anger instead built up until it spilt at work the next day, and your co-workers had the pleasure of hearing about the turmoil in your seemingly peaceful relationship for the first time. So they planted a few ideas in your head.

And you believed them. In fact, no, you didn't just believe them, you also began adding on to them once your shift was over.

He didn't tell you who the woman in the picture was; he didn't tell you who his parents were; how he managed to buy a whole house at the age of fifteen (oh, but apparently his grandmother 'helped him'); and he didn't even tell you why he had to be so tight-lipped or why his bloody eyes were purple.

What reason did you have to believe that Yu loved you in the first place? That he wasn't some sort of– actually, no, what if he also had other women on the side? You knew that someone with a figure like that would be able to make any girl swoon over him if only he ditched those massive hoodies.

But it worked. It fooled you, of all people.

These thoughts, unchecked, started growing in your mind until they formed practically a whirlwind, one that only grew at the sight of Yu, who was ready to escort you back home for the day. You were a ticking time bomb at this point, ready to explode at him should he make the mistake of saying one wrong word.

You were still grieving your parents. You had many more things to be worried about than some two-faced snake. So why–

‎ ‎

"Y/N?"

‎ ‎

"What?"

‎ ‎

He was caught off-guard by your aggressive tone.

‎ ‎

"Are you... okay?"

‎ ‎

He couldn't help but notice just how quiet you were during your whole journey back home.

Your gloominess wasn't anything new by any means. But this misplaced wrath definitely was. He could tell that, just by the way you carried yourself, the heaviness in your steps, your furrowed brows, and your clenched fists, something was wrong. Very wrong.

You averted your gaze to the mounds of snow obscuring the road instead.

‎ ‎

"Yes."

‎ ‎

The atmosphere was unbearably still. But, nevertheless, the two of you moved through it for a few more elongated seconds. And, to Yu, it felt like walking through an ocean of honey. Sans the sweetness of the liquid, much to his misfortune.

The only thing that broke the tension was the chirping of a few nearby crickets, the clicks of both of your boots, and the loud thoughts that gnawed at your mind.

His soft voice felt like such a farce. A mask he put on. It explained a lot, too, especially why his expression was usually blank, and his eyes were the only emotive parts of his face. Sure, it somewhat mirrored yours, but at least you were open about how much you loathed living.

He placed one hand on your shoulder, only further angering you.

‎ ‎

"Hey, why can't you tell me what's bothering you?"

‎ ‎

"What then?"

‎ ‎

...

‎ ‎

"What do you mean?"

‎ ‎

"What would you do if I told you?"

‎ ‎

"I'll... uh, I'll do my best to fix it. Whatever it is."

‎ ‎

You sighed and instead stuffed your hands inside your deep pockets. Your fingers brushed up against the earbuds he lent you the night before, the same ones you had completely forgotten about until now.

‎ ‎

"We'll talk at home."

‎ ‎

His heart skipped a few beats at this statement, but you didn’t pay him any mind.

‎ ‎

“I need water. I’m stopping by a store.”

‎ ‎

You said. And Yu was quick to pick up on how you phrased that sentence. Nevertheless, he averted his gaze, pulling up the collar so it could conceal the lower portion of his face.

‎ ‎

“Okay.”

‎ ‎

That was all he said before the two of you fell back into silence.

This neighbourhood was incredibly shady. The buildings themselves were coming apart, and the sidewalk was so disjointed that you were sure an earthquake must’ve occurred that they couldn’t be bothered to fix. Not only that, but the two of you were alone. But at least Yu had a large enough silhouette to scare off anyone.

Whatever. Getting out of here was the one thing you needed to do right after getting your drink.

‎ ‎

You entered the one store that was open– well, you were lucky you even found a store to begin with. But just as you thought you could feel safe, the bulletproof glass with the bullet lodged in it worried you.

Only two people were here. A young cashier and a customer wearing all black, muttering stuff to him. He glanced at you from the corner of his eye, looked you up and down, then went back to his conversation. Weird, you mused, but you quickly brushed it off and instead marched towards the aisles.

‎ ‎

“I’ll wait for you here.”

‎ ‎

You responded to your boyfriend with a hum before disappearing into the crisps section. Not that it concerned you too much. Besides, the cashier was there.

You suddenly remembered the argument from yesterday as you continued searching. The thought of breaking up with him was just so seductive at this point. Really, what was the difference between him and the men who’d say anything to please you?

You stopped by where the juices were stocked. Only a foot away, and you’d find exactly what you needed. But you instead took out the earbuds in your pockets. Your fingers tightly wrapped around the case, your thumb successfully concealing the logo. Breaking up with him would ruin a ton of things for you. But it wouldn’t be the end of the world.

Okay. That was it. You’d do it.

‘We’re done.’, that’s what you’d tell him when you see him outside the store. You’d give him the earbuds, break it off, and go back home. Nothing personal, but you weren’t a doormat who was going to take this treatment.

A sigh escaped you.

Then, you pocketed the earbuds, grabbed a water bottle, and moved towards the cashier.

‎ ‎

You emerged from the stocked aisles with your boyfriend’s name at the tip of your tongue. However, you weren’t met with him loitering around the automatic sliding doors like you expected. In fact, the entire area was empty, both inside and outside.

He was… gone.

‎ ‎

“Yu?”

‎ ‎

You audibly called out, but you earned nothing more than your echo in response. Where the heck was he? There’s no way he’d leave you alone in an incredibly dangerous neighbourhood like this.

You quickly moved towards an area that would give you a clear view of each and every aisle. And as you slowly walked across the store to observe every single one, you still couldn’t find him. Actually, you couldn’t find anyone aside from the cashier, who gave you a weird look whilst you paced around.

Maybe he was in the bathroom? No… this store was way too small to have a bathroom. But what if he was outside?

Yes, you’d check there, and call him if you couldn’t find him.

With this plan in mind, you stepped through the doors with your bag tightly clutched in your hand, and stepped towards the sidewalk, careful not to stray too far away from the entrance. You turned your head left and right, but all you were met with were the rows of streetlights that prevented the pitch-black darkness from swallowing you. And… your heart dropped to your chest.

Where was he?! He couldn’t have left. He just couldn’t.

With no time to waste, you took out your phone and rapidly began texting him, moving back through the doors and entering the store once more. It was a struggle to type out any comprehensible words, what with how shaky your hands were.

You texted and texted. But a response was naught. Your eyes widened, and you clutched your phone with unfathomable tightness.

There’s no way Yu would leave you out here alone, right? Even with the animosity between you, this could mean life or death. You could be hurt out here, what on Earth was wrong with him?

It’s okay. It’s fine. It’ll be fine. Maybe he just left for something. Maybe he just took a quick stroll since you took a while to pay? Maybe he’ll be back. He’ll be back. Or maybe your coworkers were right. Maybe he realised you were flirting with the idea of a breakup and decided that this was his act of revenge.

You heaved a sigh.

This was it, huh? Just like that? You should’ve expected him to take the coward’s way out.

Just as you slid your phone back in your pocket and went further inside the store, however, you huffed once you bumped into someone. All relief immediately dissipated the moment you looked up.

It was that scruffy-looking man from earlier, the one who was talking to the cashier. He stood in front of you. Uncomfortably close, and seemingly eager to block you from further entering the store past the sliding doors. You couldn’t help but notice how everything on his body was jet black.

‎ ‎

“Hey.”

‎ ‎

Terror immediately coursed through you as you took a step back. Your phone was promptly shoved back in your bag and swiftly zipped up, however.

Why was he still here? You thought he’d left by the time you went to check-out on account of his sudden disappearance. Apparently not…

‎ ‎

“It’s rude not to say it back to me.”

‎ ‎

“…Hey.”

‎ ‎

His ‘greeting’ was anything but friendly.

And if that wasn’t enough for him, it was impossible not to notice that he also had one hand deep inside the pockets of his hoodie. Crap.

‎ ‎

“I… need to go.”

‎ ‎

You immediately stepped to the side, but he swiftly moved in front of you.

‎ ‎

“You don’t wanna talk to me?”

‎ ‎

“I’m– I’m in a hurry, I need to…”

‎ ‎

“Don’t be like that. All I need is somethin’ quick.”

‎ ‎

You just couldn’t get to the cashier, not when he kept stopping in front of you and blocking your path. What was worse was that his hand kept digging deeper and deeper into his pocket. And for the love of everything holy, you couldn’t find your voice to tell him off. Then, he lifted his chin to look down on you.

‎ ‎

“Your headphones look sick. Let me see them.”

‎ ‎

“Headphones…?”

‎ ‎

Your heart jumped out of your chest once you saw a gun emerge from his pockets, and he took a few steps closer to you, forcing you to back up again. You were unintentionally pushed out of the store and into the empty streets.

‎ ‎

“Don’t play dumb with me, woman! It’s in your pocket!”

‎ ‎

He shouted as he kept rushing towards you.

But your back suddenly pressed up against a large pole, and escape seemed hopeless in a place like this. There was nobody around. Not even cars that sped down the road. And even if you tried to run or scream, you were sure he’d gun you down before you’d get anywhere.

So you immediately lifted your hands in surrender.

‎ ‎

“Okay! I– I’ll give it to you!”

‎ ‎

“Good!”

‎ ‎

He pointed his weapon at you as you struggled to dig your hands into your pockets. But even here, you could tell he scrutinised you as if you were a mannequin dressed in apparel he really wanted to purchase. He snatched the earbuds once you held them out for him, but he used his chin to point at what you didn’t realise was your neck.

‎ ‎

“Hand me that sweet scarf while you’re at it.”

‎ ‎

He promptly pocketed the device.

This demand only further engulfed you in panic. But that’s not where it ended, he very clearly continued observing you for anything else he wanted. You were okay with handing him your belongings; it wasn’t worth losing your life because you were too stubborn to do so. But those earbuds were Yu’s. Not yours. Nevertheless, without second thought, you clutched the scarf on your neck with both hands and fumbled to rip it off.

An arm shot out from behind the robber and promptly wrapped itself around his neck. The grip was then firmly tightened to an impossible degree. His gun dropped with an audible clank as the robber desperately clawed at the figure’s considerably large arms in a vain attempt to free himself. It only took a few seconds for his movements to stop.

Then, he was dropped to the ground, revealing a very familiar figure behind him.

You didn’t get a good look at his unmoving body or said figure, however, not when you were forcefully pulled close and tightly held in the man’s arms. The scent of lemons swiftly invaded your mind. Somehow, it successfully pulled you out of your state of panic, and you leaned into his comforting touch.

‎ ‎

“Did he hurt you? Are you okay?”

‎ ‎

Yu’s voice was such a soft juxtaposition to the harsh silence he cut through. It was as if all the fury you felt towards him melted, all within a picosecond.

‎ ‎

“I’m… I’m fine…“

‎ ‎

He placed one hand on the back of your head and brought you closer to himself.

‎ ‎

“I– I should’ve known they would’ve pulled something like that.”

‎ ‎

“Was he…”

‎ ‎

“I left to throw something; the cashier wasted my time. Stopped me from going back.”

‎ ‎

The petrifying shock seemed to have seeped through the both of you, judging by how quiet and flat his voice sounded. But you were more shocked at what he’d done to the man. You couldn’t even peer through his thick hoodie, which obscured your vision, since he held you so tightly against it.

‎ ‎

“Is he– Yu, did you kill him?!”

‎ ‎

“He’s fine.”

‎ ‎

Yu held your wrist.

‎ ‎

“Come on. Let’s go.”

‎ ‎

He walked you a few steps, far enough for you to be unable to look back. Not only that, but he used his size to his advantage to block you from seeing the criminal’s unmoving body as he moved further down the sidewalk.

Then he placed both hands on your shoulders, now able to meet your gaze more clearly. He couldn’t help but notice just how blanched your face was.

‎ ‎

“Did he take anything?”

‎ ‎

“Only your headphones…”

‎ ‎

You muttered, and he nodded in response.

‎ ‎

“Stay here. I’ll be fast.”

‎ ‎

He pushed you out of sight for good measure, before moving back down the path you both marched on. And you immediately hid your face in your hands.

Your voice was beyond shaky, and you could hardly understand what on Earth had just happened as sweat dripped down your chin. You weren’t sure where Yu came from. Was it from inside the store? If so, how could you not have noticed the doors slamming shut? But… Your brain hyper-focused the robber. Especially how he writhed like a bug as Yu mercilessly choked him.

Being so caught up in your thoughts, you hadn’t even realised your boyfriend had returned with the earbuds until he placed one hand on your shoulder.

You hesitantly looked up. But this time, Yu could see something awry in your expression. Concern. Directed at him.

‎ ‎

“Did you… kill him?”

‎ ‎

“I only knocked him out.”

‎ ‎

“But how? How did you know how to…”

‎ ‎

“I… I didn’t. I acted on instinct.”

‎ ‎

“Are you kidding? You knew what you were doing back there! Are you trained in self-defence?!”

‎ ‎

Yu... wasn't sure how to respond to this.

‎ ‎

“It’s just the adrenaline, I–”

‎ ‎

“I can’t believe it. You could’ve run away; you could’ve saved yourself. Yet you…”

‎ ‎

“Run away? What– why would I leave you?”

‎ ‎

“I don’t know, it… I assumed you’d pull something like that…”

‎ ‎

“Why would you think that about me?!”

‎ ‎

You paused for a second.

‎ ‎

“I– I don’t know.”

‎ ‎

“Y/N, please, tell me, did I hurt you? Did I make you upset? I– why would you think that I’d leave you in a place like this?!” Yu shook his head. “Something’s been bothering you since yesterday, right? Please, just tell me what it is; I’ll fix it. Whatever it is, I'll do everything I can to make it right, I–”

‎ ‎

As he spoke, you zoned out and instead observed him. The worry etched on his typically vacant features and that glimmer in his eyes that screamed shock as he tried to grapple with the very concept of upsetting you. He was terrified at the prospect of losing you. Very obviously terrified.

Your thought process was interrupted when he cupped your cheeks in his hands. He held onto you as if you could disappear any second, like some kind of fleeting spirit.

‎ ‎

“I could’ve lost you, Y/N. Something could’ve happened to you…”

‎ ‎

You blankly stared at him for what felt like a few minutes. His words went in one ear and out the other, and all you could focus on was what Yu did to the robber. He choked him. Knocked him out in seconds. This man, the very man who seemed troubled at the sight of the mauled corpse of a pigeon a few years back. You remembered that moment too. You were walking home, and he… saw it. On the side of the road.

…

You didn’t bother fighting the smile that played on your lips. Then, this smile morphed into a grin, and the grin morphed into misplaced giggling. You began laughing. Loudly.

Yu blinked.

‎ ‎

“I thought you left,” you said in between gasps of air, “I thought you deserted me. I thought you wouldn’t come back! Can you believe it?”

‎ ‎

He watched you wipe away a tear as you continued,

‎ ‎

“But you knocked him out. He had a gun, Yu. Did you know that? He could’ve killed you. You could’ve died because of me!”

‎ ‎

“Why–”

‎ ‎

Yu flinched once you clutched his wrists and forced them away from yourself.

‎ ‎

“Because of those secrets. I thought you had other women on the side. And you know what? I knew you were gone the moment he pulled that gun on me.”

‎ ‎

His eyes widened.

‎ ‎

“I was wrong. I was so wrong. You care about me, don’t you?”

‎ ‎

“Of course I care… What kind of question is that?”

‎ ‎

That answer was just as instinctual as his actions back in that alley. And it wasn’t hard to tell that he spoke without thought, his dull tone screamed his intentions behind those words. And you were delighted to hear this.

Yu flinched when you pulled him into a hug, your head buried in his chest.

‎ ‎

“Then I’d be the stupidest woman on Earth if I left.”

‎ ‎

For a few seconds, he stared unresponsively at the brick wall in front of him.

‎ ‎

“Oh– I…”

‎ ‎

He looked down.

Although he needed a few seconds to realise it, Yu finally rested his hands on your back and gently returned the hug. It would take him longer than a few minutes to comprehend most of what you just said. Heck, it took a moment for Yu to even realise you had forgiven him, let alone the fact you pulled him into an embrace. And it felt… like the knot in his stomach had disappeared.

Once he had finally stopped mulling over your random laughter, Yu couldn’t stop himself from smiling like an idiot, a tinge of red painting his previously pale cheeks.

‎ ‎

“Thank you.”

‎ ‎

He muttered.

Yu cared. He truly cared about you, you thought to yourself. Maybe those secrets were kept for a reason. Maybe… Maybe his hands really were tied. But you could wait until he was ready to share them with you, right?

Yeah, you definitely could.

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