#we'll see if it works... or if i can even keep it up for more than a week lol
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pomegrante part two: y/n finally convinces harry to go out with her and her friends, but the night really starts when they make it home
wordcount: 9.2k+
—————
"What's for dinner tonight?"
(Y/N) peeked over Harry's shoulder, her hands landing on his back to keep her steady. There was a whole empty stretch of counter she could have stationed herself, where a well enough view would have shown her what he was doing at the stove, and yet she chose the option to put her hands on him and let him breathe in the bouquet of her scent.
His lungs squeezed on instinct.
"Jus'—uh—some macaroni and cheese. Thought it would be easy and all," he murmured, attempting to keep his voice even and mind from wandering.
It had been a week since the drunken night in his bedroom had turned into the morning spent between his sheets, and yet Harry wasn't sure he'd ever actually recovered. Every now and again, when a particularly vivid memory of her hand fisted around him came to the forefront of his mind, he was out of commission for a few moments, something akin to an aftershock racing up his spine.
(Y/N) definitely wasn't making it any easier to move past the intimate moment with the way she seemed to have completely forgone any kind of barrier that had previously kept her from being touchy-feely with him. It was moments like this—with her hands on his back in the middle of the kitchen—that had plagued him and kept him stuck on the week prior.
Most mornings now included a lingering hug goodbye with a kiss to his cheek. The days where he beat her home, she would make a point to come and say hello to him once she'd returned from her own work day. Cuddling on the couch during a show or movie, was something that no longer required any build up; from the moment they sat down, she was at his side with her shoulder bumping his and knee skimming the cuff of his own with every shift of her form.
Tonight, she held no hesitation before she was draping herself over his form, the warmth of her body sinking into him. Instinctively, he wanted to melt and relax, allow his bones to go malleable so that he could wrap around her the way he wanted. At the same moment, his spine went stiff, keeping him at attention as he was unwilling to miss even a single brush of her fingers.
"That sounds good, H," she smiled, decidedly much more at ease than her counterpart, "Do you want any help?"
"No, I've got it," he swallowed, curling his mouth into a smile as he turned his face to find her gaze already trained right on him, "Thank you, though."
"Okay," she sighed, dropping down from her tip toes and edging out towards the living room, "I guess I can just watch our show then."
He laughed at her exaggerated show, playing along as if she were the one doing the hard work for the night. "I hope y'can manage."
"We'll see" she sang just before sweeping out of the space and taking the butterflies in Harry's stomach along with her.
His chest deflated as a deep breath left his lungs. It was embarrassing to admit that, from just the smallest moment, his cock had stirred for no other reason than the fact that it was (Y/N) that had touched him. There was a part of him that figured that after that night in his bed, that he would have been freed from that lingering kind of desire; that he would have gotten everything out of his system and would have been able to move on as only her friend, but everything appeared to only have intensified.
That's why every touch and every moment seemed to make a larger mark on him. More often than not, he was transported right back to his sheets, (Y/N) tucked to his side and his chest heaving. He knew what she felt like—the touch of her hands, the heat of her skin, the pump of her heart—and he wasn't going to be able to easily forget that.
A furrow appeared in his brow as he forced himself to focus on the task at hand. He needed to finish making dinner, and then he would worry about (Y/N) and what it meant that he couldn't look at her now without a rosy glow glossing over his vision.
—————
Scratching his head, Harry stared at his laptop screen. A spreadsheet illuminated his face.
While he loved his project team and enjoyed his department colleagues, there were times—just like this one—that made him wonder if he was going to be driven mad on their account. The equations and rules posted in each of these cells made little to no sense, he couldn't fathom why Tylor would think this was good enough to pass along an—
"Boo!"
A fumbled curse fell from Harry's mouth as he practically jumped out of his skin. Snapping his head to look over his shoulder as he roughly pulled his headphones off of his head, he saw (Y/N) giving him a goofy grin, biting back a laugh.
Harry let out a heavy sigh, his heart rate settling back to normal.
"Did I get you?" she giggled, her hands still on his shoulder though now her grip turned into a massaging roll.
"Yeah," he laughed, sagging in his chair, " Y'scared the shit out of me."
Her laughter only bubbled brighter. "Sorry, I couldn't help myself."
"'S alright." He shook his head as his eyes followed (Y/N) as she fell back to sit on his bed, "You're home early."
"Yeah," she sang, propping herself up with a hand behind her on his mattress, "My supervisor let me go early since I finished all of my reports yesterday."
"That's nice," he smiled, making a point not to focus on the fact that seeing her in his bed elicited a much different reaction than it used to. "What are y'gonna do with all of your extra free time?"
Something sparkled in her eyes then, a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth though she made an effort to keep it from stretching wide. "That's what I came to talk to you about actually."
"Yeah?" A flush crept up the base of his throat.
"Yeah," she chirped, "I talked to Rue and Kim, and I think we might go out tonight. They're bringing a couple of friends and I think Kim is asking her roommate to come too."
"That'll be fun," Harry encouraged, pretending everything that happened after her last girls night didn't happen. "Y'gonna be here for dinner then, or do y'want me to save the leftovers for tomorrow?"
"Actually," she started, canting her head with a blink of her eyes, "I was wondering if you might want to come with me tonight."
Harry's mouth suddenly ran dry. (Y/N) had talked about him joining her and her friends on a night out many different times, but he never gave it much thought. He was never one for big parties or crowded clubs, even during his university days. He was sure (Y/N) knew as much.
He fumbled for an answer—a kind way to decline her invitation once more—, though (Y/N) seemingly met him halfway and cut him off.
"I know you don't usually like going out like this," she started, eyes turning pleading, "But, I really, really think you'd have a good time. The bars we pick are fun, I mean it." He watched as her expression shifted, a glint passing through her eyes though her smile turned coy. "And you could meet someone, you know."
That was the first illusion to any facet of the conversation that had taken place in his bedroom that week and a half ago. She wanted him to meet someone, still?
While Harry had been well aware that what had transpired wasn't going to, and didn't change a single thing between them, she also hadn't again brought up the idea of setting him up. He had figured that now that she knew his secret, that she understood why he wasn't looking to find a random person in a bar, or be set up through anyone.
(And, maybe there was the smallest, most minuscule part of him that hoped that, maybe, she was no longer interested in seeing him with someone else anymore. That, maybe she had found the same book he had pulled, and was working herself to the same page. A futile hope, he supposed).
"I don't know, (Y/N)," he sighed, bringing his knuckle up to brush the tip of his nose, "I've still got a lot I need to get done today."
He dared to match her gaze from where his eyes had skated over her shoulder. Her glittery, pretty, clear eyes didn't shy away from him. Her lashes flared when she blinked at him, a small gape to her lips.
"Please, H," she murmured, a small curl touching the corner of her mouth, "You're really going to make me beg—just for a couple of hours of your time?"
Harry swallowed, making a point to drop his gaze from hers. Beg? She was going to beg for him?
Why would she say that? Was she trying to make him fall to the floor? Light on fire?
A warm flush crept up his neck. "Beg?" he choked out.
"I will if you really want me to," she offered, amusement in her voice though Harry wasn't finding the joke.
"No, no, 's alright," he rushed out, sparing himself and his briefs the trouble, "Y'really want me to go?"
"Of course, I do!" Harry hadn't realized how the air had stilled, or the way her voice had dropped until she suddenly perked up. The cheer now injected in her tone was a stark difference to whatever it was that had been between them just a moment before. "I promise you'd have so much fun; if anything we'll get to have a night out for the first time in forever."
Truthfully, did he really think he was going to be able to say no? Especially when she sat so prettily on his bed and was willing to beg for him.
He took in a deep breath, as if he were taking on a heavy burden before he looked to (Y/N) with thinned lips. "Okay."
It was the joy and excitement that lit her up that had Harry feeling certain in his decision. He'd never had a chance.
"Harry, really?! I'm so excited!" She popped up from his bed only to hug him as best she could while he was still stationed in his desk chair.
He only hesitated for a moment, his limbs stiff for a breath before he succumbed to the warmth. Feeling the strands of hair on the crown of her head tickling the tip of his nose strung memories back to the front of his mind, the kind that had his heart plunging against his ribs just as she pulled away.
"I'm going to tell everyone, and I'll let you know what time and everything." Her chattering voice filled his room even as she began towards his door. "We should probably eat before we go out, but I'll let you know what we figure out." She paused in the threshold. "Are you excited?"
The way she was looking at him, grin wide and eyes bright, he was only able to answer honestly. "Very excited."
With one more grin over her shoulder, she disappeared out of view.
Harry had his eyes fixed to the door frame for a lingering moment. His lungs expanded at full capacity for the first time since she had barged in, his heart beginning to even out. He blinked as he attempted to get back to work, urging himself to focus on something familiar before he was going to have to deal with the deal he made for the night.
When she was sitting in front of him, the perspective of a smoky bar with her sounded fun and exciting. Now he was alone with the reality of a sticky, overpriced bar being his plans for the night, he could only hope that his original excitement prevailed.
—————
(Y/N) had her hand wrapped around Harry's wrist as she led them through the congested line in front of the bartop. He couldn't help but to mumble his sorrys and excuse mes despite knowing not a single person was listening. Holding up the rear, Harry could see ahead to where Rue and her roommate lead the charge, followed by Kim, and her boyfriend, along with Cora and her brother. The usual suspects in (Y/N)'s life; some he met back when they were both in university, others she met through work.
Meeting up outside of the bar didn't leave much room for small talk and catching up before they were herded inside, but it was long enough for Harry to see the surprise that crossed Rue and Kim's faces. They hadn't believed that he was really going to show up tonight. And, he couldn't blame them, even if it did make him feel a bit sheepish; he hoped none of them had an ill opinion of him because of that.
The so-called bar that had been chosen for the night was verging on a night club with the way the music was pounding loud through the room. There wasn't a designated spot for dancing , but it appeared the space had been made with the way there were few tables in the room aside from the bartop and the booths lining the room. The empty space before the DJ became the dancefloor, their warm bodies swaying and moving together. Other than strobing party lights, the bar was left in the dark.
Rue, thanks to a connection with one of the bouncers and a bartender, was able to sweep them through the congestion in the bar to find an empty booth in the back. It was secluded, behind the large speakers of the DJ. Harry was sure he was going to have a ringing in his ears for the rest of the weekend after this, but it was a preferable spot compared to just standing around while others pushed around.
"This good?!" Rue shouted to the line behind her (or at least Harry figured she shouted, he was just making do with reading her lips).
It only took a few nodding heads before the group took over the vinyl seating. (Y/N) kept him close, pulling him to sit on the end of the curving booth beside her. She grinned up at him, her teeth splashed in flickers of blue and magenta thanks to the lights above.
"What do you think!?" she bubbled, close enough that Harry could just hear the octaves of her voice.
"'S a lot," he answered, ducking down to hover his lips by her ear, "A little sticky."
She laughed at his words. "Yeah, I never wear cute shoes here. Thank you for coming, though."
The way she smiled at him made up for the sweat already beginning to slick the back of his head, and the way the soles of his shoes may never be the same after this. When she looked up at him with eyes sparkling, grin wide, he wondered why he'd never said yes to a night like this before.
"(Y/N)!"
Whipping their heads to look across the table, Cora's brother, Colin had his gaze on (Y/N). The planes of his face were highlighted under the beams of strobing light, long shadows cast by the length of his lashes and the point of his chin. Harry knew Colin was a good looking man, and maybe that was why he felt a pinch of jealousy sting the middle of his chest. Especially when he smiled at (Y/N) like that; Harry wondered if that was what he looked like when he gazed at her too.
"I'm going to the bar, what do you want?"
She rattled off a simple order, something fruity and sweet that he knew was her favorite. As soon as she finished though, she looked at Harry, brows raised in question. "What do you want?"
Flicking his eyes to Colin, Harry saw the way his lips thinned. Maybe it was because (Y/N)'s attention was spread elsewhere. Or, it could just be the way his face looked, Harry reminded himself.
Nonetheless, Harry met Colin's eyes across the table and shared his own order. "Thank you," he smiled, even if Colin didn't give more than a nod of acknowledgment.
He and Cora excused themselves a moment later, heading back into the throes of patrons towards the bar.
Harry didn't want to, but he had a feeling he was going to be keeping an eye on him through the night.
At his side, (Y/N) bumped him to grab his attention. "You're going to dance with me tonight, right?"
A smile crept onto the corners of his mouth. "I don't know, (Y/N)," he drawled, "Are y'sure you're ready for everyone to know 'm a better dancer than you?"
She let out a peal of laughter, bright and tinkling compared to the heavy bass rattling through his bones. "I guess I'll have to manage," she teased, both of them knowing the truth about his coordination, "I promise I'll get out of your way when people start cutting in to take my place with you."
Harry played along, graciously accepting her offer. "I think that's best for the both of us." With a moment's hesitation, he gently laid his hand on her knee. While (Y/N) didn't even blink at the contact, Harry could feel his heart rate jumping as if he wasn't the one who had made the first move.
Especially when she threw her head back laughing and leaned right into his touch, angling her body just so, he questioned if there were any others in the room.
As if Harry would accept anyone else's hand tonight.
—————
Bringing the small black straw to her pursed lips, (Y/N) bit back her laughter as she saw Harry move horrendously so to the music pumping around them. Tonight's game apparently was going to be one where they threw out the worst moves they could, leaving the other to replicate them and make them that much more uncoordinated. It wasn't the right game to play if they were attempting to catch anyone's eye, but that was far from Harry's mind at the moment. All he wanted was to keep (Y/N) having fun.
Rue, Kim, and the others weren't very far away with Colin and Kim's boyfriend having taken to staying in the booth to stake claim of the space. It wasn't hard to catch Colin looking (Y/N)'s way more than once. Even if he didn't seem particularly happy with the fact she had been sticking with Harry through most of the night, Colin hadn't tried anything more than watching on with a slight pinch to his features.
Just as (Y/N) was going to match his move and add on something extra ridiculous, her eyes lit up, flicking over his shoulder. Spitting the chewed up straw from her mouth, she crossed the few steps between them with a giddy smile. She gestured him to lean down for her, leaving his ear level with her mouth.
"There's a girl behind you that's been looking at you! I just saw her say something to one of her friends and point at you," (Y/N) bubbled, almost stumbling over her words, "I think she's going to come over here!"
Harry wanted to match her excitement. He wanted to look at her smile and offer up his own. But there was nothing about this revelation that made him as excited as she wanted him to be. Was it nice to be admired, and have someone know nothing about him and still want to get to know him just from one look? Sure.
But, if that person wasn't (Y/N), he didn't have much interest.
"I can leave if you want," she rattled on, "So she doesn't feel weird coming over here!"
"No, no," Harry immediately fired off, "'S alright. I want to keep dancing with you."
It was a simple admission, one that could be easily shared between friends, but felt loaded falling from his tongue.
"But, H," (Y/N) countered, "This is the best time to meet new people! It might be fun to have someone other than me hanging around, don't you think?"
Immediately, Harry wanted to say no. It wouldn't be very fun in his opinion, to retrace all of his vulnerabilities and secrets to be shared with someone else when (Y/N) was right there. She already knew any and everything there was to know about him, he didn't need to share any more.
His silence was taken the wrong way by (Y/N). A gentle hand settled on his shoulder. "If you're still nervous about what you told me, I promise you'll be fine. Don't let it stop you from meeting a nice girl." She paused for a moment, Harry's throat bobbing as he swallowed around his dry tongue. "I can still help you with all of... that, anyway. If that makes you feel better."
Suddenly, he could feel the heavy beat of his heart as it matched the bass of the music pouring from the speakers. What kind of twisted pep talk; one where she was encouraging him to meet other women and to not hold back due to his lack of prowess, while also offering to help him get some of those firsts off of his plate.
He took in a heavy breath, grateful that he could still glean notes of her perfume over the rest of the sticky, smoky scent that filled the bar. "Yeah?" he breathed, already getting much too wrapped up in the implications of her offer.
"Of course," she bubbled, entirely too bright for where his mind was going, "You don't have to worry about things like that. If any girl is worth your time, she'd never feel any kind of way about that part of you."
Harry gave a slight shake of his head. "No—um—I mean... Y'really mean y'still want to help me?"
(Y/N) reared back just enough to catch his eye, her half finished drink left to the wayside as she chewed on her bottom lip instead. "Of course."
It verged on embarrassing how just those two innocuous words were able to cause a stirring in his stomach, his pants needing an adjustment.
Before he had a chance to say anything in response, Harry felt a hand settle on his arm. (Y/N)'s expression loosened, her eyes widening when she saw whoever was behind him. She didn't say anything before she urged him with her hand on his shoulder to turn around, a bounce of her brows.
Forcing himself to turn over his shoulder, Harry found a pretty girl with lengthy brown hair and honey eyes looking up at him. Her skin was powdered and highlighted to perfection, her lips a juicy pink with blush to match. Her lashes flared around her eyes, like a cat's eye.
"Hi," she smiled, bouncing on the tips of her toes, "Sorry if I'm interrupting. I hope this isn't weird, but you're just really cute; my friends have been telling me to come and talk to you since we came in."
Harry wanted so badly to feel flattered. He wanted to feel a flush go up his cheeks and warm his already glistening skin. But, he just didn't.
All he felt was reluctance when (Y/N) excused herself, muttering that she was going back to the table.
"Um," Harry fumbled, forcing a dimpled smile onto his cheeks, "Thank you. I think you're cute, too."
It was true, the compliment. Though that was where it stopped. She was a pretty girl, but not the one he wanted.
She let out a sweet giggle, her drink sloshing in hand. "Do you want to dance?"
He couldn't help but to cut a look over his shoulder, finding (Y/N) sitting with Colin and Rue's roommate. An encouraging smile beamed from her features.
He swallowed thickly. She wanted him to take this girl up on her offer.
Honestly, he would have, if not for that smile on her face. As pretty as this girl was, she wasn't ever going to have the same creased by her eyes, the same crinkle to her nose, the same grin on her face. She wasn't the one that he saw himself readily watching reality dating shows with. She wasn't the one he wanted to end his night with. Not when (Y/N) was right there; not when she was the one he trusted the most.
"Actually," Harry started, morphing his features into an apology before the actual words even left his mouth, "I came here for a friend's birthday tonight; not really trying to meet anyone tonight."
The lie came out less than smooth, but it appeared that was all the explanation the girl required.
Her lips formed an O as she gazed up at him. "I see, no worries," she bubbled off, shaking her head, "I totally get it! Maybe I could give you my number or something? So next time you go out, you can just text me if you want to meet up."
Harry felt terribly guilty the more sweet and understanding she was. Rejection had never been and would never be his strong suit. And he wasn't going to be able to hone his skills tonight.
"Sure," he choked out, already unlocking his phone to be passed along to her hands.
She happily tapped away at his screen as she added her number to his contacts, a winking emoji stamped at the end of her name (Viola, he learned).
"Have a fun night!" she beamed at him before leaving to rejoin her friends.
Following suit, Harry pretended he didn't feel any eyes on him as he retreated towards (Y/N) in the booth. It was then that he caught the wolfish smile on Colin's face dissipate when he realized Harry was on his way back.
"What happened?" (Y/N) chirped, throwing a glance around him towards the woman he retreated from.
Harry shrugged, sliding into the booth at her side. "She and her friends are leaving soon. She gave me her number."
(Y/N) clasped her hands in a giddy clap. "No way! She so likes you, H! I'm so happy for you!"
It was cute, the way she bubbled his praises, as if he'd done anything at all to warrant the approach from Viola.
"When are you going to text her?" She leaned towards him (and away from Colin) with a conspiratorial smile.
Once again, Harry lifted his shoulders in a shrug. He dropped his gaze from hers, hoping she wouldn't press for more explanation when he answered, "Not sure yet."
"Oh," (Y/N) sounded, drooping some, "Well, wh—"
Just then, thankfully so, Kim approached the table with clear eyes, her boyfriend draped around her with his own gaze looking much less coherent. "Hey, I think I'm going to take him home," she shouted to (Y/N) over the music, "Do you want to ride with us, or are you going to stay? I think Rue and Cora are planning on staying until last call."
(Y/N) immediately looked towards Harry, brows raised in question. "Are you ready to go home? Or did you want to stay?"
He gave a small cant of his head, warmed by the attention she gave him. "'M alright with whatever y'want to do."
Before he even finished speaking, (Y/N) shook her head with a roll of her eyes. "No, H. What do you want to do?"
Rolling his lips between his teeth, Harry didn't stand a chance before his mind wandered right back to the offer she made to him on the dance floor. He... Well, he would never assume that (Y/N) would drop and follow through right away, though there was a higher chance if they weren't in public.
"I could be ready to go home, if you are."
(Y/N)'s features softened into a smile. "Okay," she said just before turning to Kim, "We'll go home with you, if that's alright."
It was her turn to drop a hand on his knee, a slight squeeze of her fingers around the cuff. That was all it took to have his stomach tightening and heart choking his throat.
Harry wondered if he would always be this easy, or if it was just (Y/N).
Hopefully, going home early would help him find out.
—————
Harry waved one last time to Kim and her boyfriend before they drove off. Behind him, on the small tiled space just past the threshold, (Y/N) struggled with her teetering heels.
"Are y'alright?" he murmured as he closed the door, the lock clicking into place a moment later.
"Kinda," she sighed, "Hold on." Just as he turned to face her, (Y/N) placed her hand on his abdomen. Her fingers pressed through the material of his top just over the ridges of muscles lining his torso, steadying herself as she carefully attempted to shuck her shoes off.
His lungs stunted, his eyes dropping to where she was just short of kneeling in front of him. The last time she touched him so low on his stomach was when he had guided her palm down his abdomen before she had taken his cock in her fist. The memory had his throat bobbing as he swallowed thickly.
"Sorry," she muttered, looking up at him through the fan of her lashes, a curtain of her hair hanging over her features, "I didn't want to sit on the floor—I don't think I would have gotten up."
He knew he was supposed to laugh along, especially when she let out a breathy laugh as she was finally able to kick off her shoes. Kicking her shoes to the side, she gave a chummy pat to his stomach before she rose to her full height. When she met his gaze, her demeanor was decidedly brighter and lighter than the direction his thoughts had taken.
"What's wrong?" she immediately chirped, her brows slanting as she gazed up at him.
Harry forced himself back into the moment, blinking back into the middle of his home. "Um," he coughed, turning away from her prying eyes, "Nothing—sorry, I zoned out."
"Are you sure?" (Y/N) pressed, canting her head. Her eyes fell from his face and down the line of his neck. "Do you feel hot? You're turning red, H."
A streak of guilt trickled through his system. She was genuinely concerned for him while he was a moment away from allowing himself to imagine if she had actually dropped to her knees in front of him and made good on the offer she extended only hours prior.
Shaking his head, he tried his best to fight off the natural reactions his body gave when it came to his roommate. "'M alright, really. Jus' a little tired, I think."
(Y/N) initially seemed to buy his excuse, but in that same moment, he saw something flash across her gaze. Her concerned features shifted until there was a sly smile on her lips, brows bouncing above her accusing eyes.
"Ohhh, I see," she sang as she all but bounced on her toes, "You want to go talk to your new girlfriend."
His eyes widened at her accusation. What map had she used to get to that destination?
"Th-That's not—'M not—"
"It's alright, I get it," she teased, putting her hands up as if in surrender, "I'll let you get to bed. Just let me know if you need any help deciphering what the amount of i's in her Hi mean, or if the exclamation points mean she's flirting or just happy."
Harry swallowed, shaking his head. "'M not—I don't... She was nice, but I don't think 'm going to text her."
"And, that's alright!" she bubbled, realizing he wasn't planning on playing into her chiding, "I was only teasing. At least you put yourself out there, that's all that matters."
A short smile touched the corners of his lips. He wasn't very interested in putting himself out there when what he wanted was right here at home. "Thanks," he mumbled nonetheless.
Her expression grew gentle then, the look of a best friend who wanted to know what was going on in her companion's head. No more teasing was going on as far as he could see. "Why are you all flustered then? You didn't drink much tonight, but it's okay if you're feeling sick."
"No, I—" he cut himself off before he stumbled into revealing the truth. "'S nothing."
(Y/N) was skeptical, that much was obvious on her face. "Harry."
"(Y/N), 'm fine."
She canted her head, looking up at him through fanned lashes. "Harry."
"(Y/N)."
"Harry, there's no way anything you're thinking can be that bad, that you can't even tell me."
There was something in the lilt of her voice, the way she so innocently pushed to know more about him in that moment. Harry wasn't sure what exactly it was, but there wasn't much fight left but the time she finished speaking.
Truly, once again, he'd laid bare each and every of his secrets and most embarrassing moments before her. What was one more?
For a split second, he thought back into that crowded bar.
I can still help you with all of... that, anyway.
He could still feel the fan of her breath tickling across his neck. He saw the way her lashes fluttered as she looked up at him with clear eyes. He saw the sincerity in her irises—both just before in the bar, as well as when she was wrapped up in his sheets.
All of this because he had the breath taken away from him when he saw her almost kneel in front of him when taking off her shoes.
"H—"
"I was thinking about you," he rushed out, unintentionally cutting her off, "And, the—uh—thing y'said at the bar. About... helping me."
A look of confusion struck her expression before she seemingly caught up. Her eyes brightened, a near imperceptible drop of her gaze down his form before she returned to his face.
"Oh. Are you... right now?"
They both knew the answer to her question. The suspicion only confirmed when he didn't offer any response.
Her socked feet shifted over the carpet, the front door still only mere feet away. A small reminder that he'd not even fully made it into his home before he was taken by the sight of her alone.
"You want... me?"
The genuine curiosity in her tone was enough to have Harry's insides beginning to roil. Of course, he wanted her; she was the only person he can remember wanting enough to act this vulnerable.
"Um, yeah," he answered, tongue fumbling over the words, "By the door, you were... almost on your knees."
Peeking at her, Harry gauged her reaction to his admission.
He watched as she blinked, lashes fluttering. Her eyes dropped down from his eyes, skipping to his pelvis. Harry didn't have to follow her gaze to know that she was seeing the slight semi he was sporting through his trousers.
"Really?" she chirped, looking up at him through her wispy lashes.
Harry shrugged, only a single corner of his lips daring to give a slight curl. "Back at the bar," he started, "Y'said... y'still wanted to help, so."
He didn't need to say more, not when a light entered (Y/N)'s gaze. She tilted her head as she looked up at him. A sweet smile bloomed over her lips.
"And you've just been thinking about that?"
His smile turned sheepish. He didn't think this was the time to really detail just how often she was on his mind.
A sparkling laugh fell from her lips then. "C'mon then, H," she bubbled, taking his hand in hers.
Something akin to a daze fell over his body. Harry didn't feel a single breath of hesitation as he followed (Y/N) from the front door. All he did was follow her steps to their sofa, his eyes unabashedly landing on her backside and the way her skirt hugged her hips.
"You said you liked me on my knees, right?"
Harry didn't think before he was humming a confirmation.
"Then I have an idea for something new tonight."
It was then that she dragged him to sit down on the sofa. Harry blinked, unsure of what to do with his hands before (Y/N) took her spot before him. On her knees.
His heart was reeled right up to his throat. She wasn't...
With her knees cushioned by their plush area rug (one she bought into the equation when she moved in), she scooted towards him. Her skirt rolled up over the smooth skin of her thighs, revealing more and more of her, parts that Harry couldn't help but to imagine gripping and squeezing in the heat of the moment.
"Is this okay?" she asked, so sweet and kind. Her hands landed on the cuffs of his knees.
"Um," Harry started, his mouth incredibly dry as it fell into a gape as he gazed down at her, "Yeah—Yes. Really okay."
The smile on her lips was so pretty. It wasn't fair that she would just look like that, not when she was working her hands up his thighs.
"You're funny, H."
He wanted to respond, really. But then she started undoing the fastenings of his trousers. He could do nothing other than watch her manicured fingers unbutton the waist and pull down the zipper. His cock stirred even just from the slight brushes of her hands.
Goosebumps erupted on his skin when she started pulling down his pants. Harry could feel her eyes on him when he lifted his hips to help her along, the kind of warm feeling that had his spine stringing up straight.
The warmth was no doubt becoming visible on his skin, a flush creeping up from the base of his throat to the apples of his cheeks. His lips were parted, breaths coming out in quiet puffs as (Y/N)'s deft fingers crept up his thighs. The inky tiger tattooed on the meat of his leg was delicately traced with the tip of her fingernail. His cock jumped.
"You said you've never done anything before?" she pressed, her voice drawing him in as if he weren't already hooked.
Harry swallowed, his throat bobbing. "Other than what we've done, yeah."
"Okay," she sounded, her fingers now creeping under the hem of his briefs, "We'll figure out what you like then. If I do something that feels good, just tell me and I'll keep doing it."
She said it so simply, as if they weren't talking about what he was going to feel when she put him in her mouth. The feel of her touch under the legs of his briefs was enough to have his toes curling in his shoes, his hands reaching for the fallen throw blanket behind him.
Had it really only been a week or so since they were holed up in his bedroom? His body reacted to her like he was starved, hungering for even a brush of her hand over his bare skin. Had he really thought that having her once was going to be enough to get her out of his system? Had he thought that just one touch was going to be enough?
Harry practically sunk into the sofa when she pulled one of her hands from the leg of his underwear and instead brushed over the bulge of his cock. He felt the press of her hand over his length, the ridge of his head pressing into her palm. The catch of her nails over his thigh as she scratched down over his tattoo was felt through his body, his bottom lip being caught between his teeth.
He was only slightly aware of her eyes skipping up to land on his face while his own were trained on her hand palming his length through his boxers. The material began to stretch further as he stiffened against her touch, the cut at the front of his underwear pulling open.
When the first blurt of precum stained the front, Harry felt more of that heat creep up his skin.
"Sorry," he murmured, already anticipating the mess that he was going to have to clean up tonight.
"Why?" she asked, so easily with her eyes peeking up at him.
So badly did Harry want to answer her, but she also decided to hook her fingers underneath the waist of his underwear in that same moment the question was posed. His mind went momentarily blank. All he could process was the catch of her nails over his hip bones, the drag of the material over his sensitized length, the fact that it was (Y/N).
Her question was lost when they both turned to focus on his cock as it bobbed free of the confines of his boxers. The head was already ruddy, veins roping around the length. Thank god he had just trimmed up down there before going out.
"Okay?"
Blinking back to the world, Harry looked to (Y/N) with a gape to his lips. "Huh?"
Her smile was too pretty to be fair. Especially not when she was seemingly bracing herself from her spot on her knees between his legs. "You're okay?"
"Y-Yeah," he breathed, mouth moving faster than his head, "'M so okay—so fucking okay. I've been thinking about this all week."
Her brows shot up over her eyes, light flitting through her eyes. "Really? Even when you were talking to your girlfriend tonight?"
He knew, in the back of his mind, that she was teasing him. The way she said the word full of extra sing-song syllables, the same way she would have teased him if he weren't half naked. But there was absolutely no room in his head where he could find any joke to play along.
"I was thinking about y'the whole time," he confessed, "She—She's not you."
"Harry," she crooned, her eyes soft and rounded, "You can't talk like that. Not when I'm about to suck you off; you'll make me cry instead. And not in a hot way."
Unable to hold back any more, Harry let out a flowing moan. The gravel of his voice filled their home, disrupting the hushed tones they had been using before.
Why would she say that? When he was barely holding everything together, why would she say that?
He couldn't keep his mind from wandering to the idea of her blinking back tears with her lips stretched around his cock. Harry never wanted to see her shed any tears—especially over him—but this idea, full of smudged mascara and glossy eyes, didn't sound so bad at all.
His composure being something just out of reach, Harry didn't have a chance before he could feel the breath of (Y/N)'s slight laugh fanning across his heated length. Just barely was he able to force himself to peel his eyes open to catch sight of her pressing her lips to the head of his cock.
It was a gentle kiss, the same kind that she would plant on his cheek when in a particularly touchy mood. Not the kind of thing that should have made the muscles banding his thighs and blocking his abdomen grow exponentially tighter.
Harry tightly clutched the throw blanket at his sides, the material thinning against the force of his fingers. Nothing could have prepared him for how deeply something so simple affected him.
(Y/N) continued with only a small crease appearing between her brows. She kissed the crown of his length more than once, dragging the pillows of her pretty lips over the heated skin. As innocent as the act appeared, it was immediately stomach twisting when he saw the way the thin strings of his cum connected her mouth to his head. The gloss she had lost back at the bar, was back in the form of Harry's own pleasure.
Pinning his bottom lip between his teeth, he watched with clenched hands while (Y/N)'s own moved along the strength of his thighs. One stayed braced over the ink of his tiger, fingertips denting the plush skin in an anchoring touch. The other continued on until her fist was wrapped around the base.
A swift breath was sucked in through his nose at the touch. Once again, he was reminded that his hand paled in comparison to hers. No one else in the world could be as soft, as gentle, as firm, as perfect as she was.
Her name fell from his lips in crooning prayers, Harry sinking further into the cushion.
Though he was sure his lungs stopped only a heartbeat later. Silence fell over the house, Harry's mouth dropped open in a soundless moan as she took her kissing a step further and tucked his head between her lips.
The heat of her mouth felt scorching over his sensitive skin, her soothing tongue laving over him. Her hand at the base of his cock worked up and over his length in lingering strokes.
Why hadn't anyone told him it could feel like this? No wonder there were millions of videos on seedy sites just about this subject alone. After last week, he doubted any pleasure could top that, and yet, here he was.
Before he had a chance to become accustomed to the feel of her mouth, (Y/N) pulled away with a soft pop of her lips. She kept her hand moving along his length as she gazed up at him, head canted.
"Do you want me to go deeper? Or do you like that?" she murmured, her voice lingering and warm.
"Deeper, deeper," he rushed out, lips slicked and swollen.
She didn't give anything more than a short smile before Harry watched as she dipped her head and took him back between her lips.
A moan of her name fell from his lips, sandwiched between swears too jumbled to make much sense of. True to her offer, she lingered over his head for only a moment before she surged forward, taking him deeper. Harry felt hypersensitive at that moment.
He swore he could feel each bud on her tongue pillowing against his sensitive length. The gentle suction of her cheeks hollowing out around him. The coaxing of her throat as she swallowed him down the further she took him.
Saliva dripped down his length, slicking her hand as she continued the rhythmic pumping. Harry couldn't look away, but could barely keep his eyes open.
Watching her felt like looking into the sun—like he was going to go blind, like he couldn't watch for longer than a moment before was going to lose it. But, he couldn't look away. He was lucky enough to have had her touch once, let alone twice. He couldn't act like this was ever going to happen a third time. He had to savor each and every moment.
Even when he felt the tight channel of her throat closing around the very tip of his cock, he forced his eyes to stay open. Even when he saw that moment that had his muscles going taut with (Y/N)'s eyes growing glossy. It should have broken his heart to see her blinking back tears, but he only felt the winding of the pit of his stomach.
Twice in a row, he was not going to be able to last. Twice in a row was he going to embarrass himself in front of his ultimate dream girl.
But, god, was it worth it.
"(Y/N), I—"
She cut him off with a slight gag closing her throat, enough for her to pull off for a steadying breath. Her mouth was slick and swollen, dropped in a gape as she dragged in breath after breath.
"Sorry," she mumbled, continuing the strokes of her hand, "Scared myself. I just need a second."
"Don't be sorry, don't be sorry," he muttered, finally giving in and throwing his head back with his eyes screwed shut. Precum streamed out of his cock, vein throbbing "You're perfect, love. So perfect."
The breathy laugh she let out was watery. "Thanks, H. You're perfect, too."
He should have felt silly, having given out such rambling praise right now, when it would no doubt sound like the lusty thoughts of a horny mind. Not like the honesty that slipped out in a vulnerable moment.
Though, he didn't have any longer than a pair of heartbeats to dwell before (Y/N) wiped any and all thoughts from his head. The glorious, wonderful, perfect heat of her mouth enveloped him once more. She sucked around him, matching the tight grip of her fist around his base.
"Fuck, fuck, (Y/N)," he chattered, surprised he hadn't ripped a hole in the fabric of the throw blanket puddled around him, "'M gonna cum, 'm sorry, 'm sorry. Y'don't hav-have to—"
Pulling off of him just enough to press her pursed lips to the tip again, (Y/N) shook her head. "I want to. It's okay, honey. Do whatever you want."
Maybe it was the vibration of her voice echoing around his length, or the sight of her pretty mouth parting for her soft tongue to lick over his head, or the encouragement that she wanted to take his cum—whatever it was, was all he needed. The bunched muscles lining his bones finally gave way, releasing him like a rubber band snapping as his hips lifted from the cushion.
He unraveled on the sofa, a warning on his lips that didn't make it in time before the first rope spurted out of him. His lungs were stunted as he watched the first dredge released over her mouth, following the line of her nose and dripping to the shape of her lips. (Y/N) closed her eyes, a soft gasp falling from her pretty, swollen, glazed lips. It was only a second before she tucked the head of his cock back between her lips, swallowing the rest of his release.
She continued the stroke of her hand, working him through the throes without lagging. Every pump of his release was swallowed down by (Y/N), the motion sending aftershocks through him. The grip she held on his thigh, with her nails digging into the skin was the only bite of clarity offered in that moment.
The world felt so small then, consisting of only he and (Y/N) and the throw blanket he was never going to complain about being balled up on the sofa ever again. There could never be anything else worthy of his attention when (Y/N) looked up at him with glossy eyes, bottom lashes clumping together. All with the traces of his cum having painted over her face.
"What the fuck?" Harry breathed out, a slight bit of delirious laughter falling from his lungs as he melted against the couch. His head fell back against the cushion, fingers cramping as he unravelled from the throw blanket.
Pulling away with a pop, (Y/N) allowed him to come down without the distraction of her touch.
"Good what the fuck? Or bad?" she breathed, letting go of his leg with one final squeeze.
"Good," Harry cemented with a nod, "So good."
Sucking in a deep breath, he pulled his head from where it had lolled against the cushions. Just in time to see her swiping her fingers through the mess on her face, licking his cum from her fingers.
Maybe his head was still in the clouds, the lack of oxygen having made him delirious and impulsive, but Harry didn't give a second thought before he was leaning down and pressing his lips to hers.
He could taste something salty and heady on her mouth, but he didn't care. There had been plenty of times before this that Harry wanted to kiss her, but this was the first time he couldn't find a single reason not to. He was convinced that this was the only way he could possibly show her how much he appreciated, and revered, and cared for her after she did such an act for him.
Her skin was just a touch sticky as he cradled her cheeks between his palms, their swollen lips sealed together. The very tip of his nose grazed the bridge of her own as he tipped his head just enough.
By the time his head caught up to his body, he realized she had gone stiff, mouth parted as if in the process of gasping.
A string of curses ran through his head. What was he thinking? Is he stupid? Or just so horny and touch starved, this seemed like a good idea?
Just as he made a move to pull away, (Y/N) pressed forward, kissing back. Matching his movements, she tilted her head and pursed her lips. It was Harry's turn to feel the slight gaze of her nose tracing his skin. The creases in their lips lined up perfectly, fitting together like jigsaw pieces.
Now was far from the time to confess just how many times he pictured and wondered what it would be like to kiss (Y/N), but suffice to say, the reality was galaxies better than the fantasy.
It was a short kiss, lasting only long enough for Harry to hear his heartbeat in his ears before he pulled back.
(Y/N)'s eyes were bright as she gazed up at him. "What was that for?" she whispered, voice croaky.
Harry shook his head. He could go on, listing for days, though maybe that was for another time.
"Jus' thank you."
The smile that bloomed over her mouth was sweet and sticky, glossed by saliva and a mess Harry was going to feel more guilty over once his head was clear.
"You're silly, H," she murmured, tipping her chin just enough to peck his lips, "You're welcome." With that, she stood to the full of her height, Harry's hands falling back to his sides. "I'll be right back. I'm going to clean up my face, but maybe we could have a sleepover out here tonight?"
It was the way she looked at him, like this was just another night of bonding with her best friend, that was going to make his heart both bloat and break.
Harry nodded instinctively. "That sounds like fun, (Y/N)."
She bounced in her spot with a chattery cheer before starting off to her room, promising to be back in just a moment.
He watched her bedroom door swing closed behind her, left alone in the quiet of the living room. Harry made an effort to put himself back together, underwear and pants pulled back up though he didn't bother to refasten them before he started towards his own bedroom. He needed to gather a few things for their sleepover, and that was what he was going to focus on and not the buzzing of his lips. Not the way his legs felt like jelly, his lungs rivaling the pounding of his heart.
How much of a fool was he? He was never going to be able to keep from crossing that flimsy, self-appointed line that reminded him that she was nothing more than his roommate and wasn't going to ever be anything else. That boundary was miles behind him, unable to be seen. Not anymore, at least.
Not after tonight.
—————
figs are the roman symbol of Dionysus, god of wine, and priapus, satyr of sexual desire
ahhhhh thank u sm for reading! sorry for any mistakes and I cant wait hear what everyone thinks! any fun ideas or requests pleaseeeee send them in!
#harry#harry styles#writing#harry one shot#harry imagine#harry au#harry blurb#harry smut#virgin harry#harry x reader#harry styles one shot#harry styles imagine#harry styles au#harry styles blurb#harry styles smut#virgin harry styles#harry styles x reader#as it was#harrys house#fine line
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>Ok but he doesn't. He thinks he does. He thinks he has Rook all pinned down. It's why he doesn't expect Rook to escape the Prison of Regret but Rook does. Solas is convinced that all of his manipulation to get Rook to drown in regret is enough to keep them trapped in that prison. In his pride, he doesn't expect Rook to escape. He once again doesn't expect Rook to see through his final betrayal about the veil. He also doesn't expect Rook to have enough cards by the end to stop him (which is conditional based on what you do in the game)
I don't think that Varric was thinking that far ahead when he was hiring Rook. Hiring someone who can make decisions during high-risk situations and face the outcome is logical - you know that this person has the resilience necessary and won't back away from a challenging task.
However, to hire them because they're unpredictable and can potentially outsmart or outwit Solas? I don't think they were aiming that high or planning that far ahead. They just needed reliable people to hopefully intercept Solas before he sets his plans in motion.
Also, it's not uncommon for Solas to underestimate people. He woke up and decided that the beings living after the Veil deserved to go extinct because he saw them as terminally disabled due to their disconnect from the Fade - and only later was he forced to acknowledge them as people, which didn't dissuade him from his goals, just made him feel bad about what he was going to do.
He had flawed opinions about dwarves, Qunari, humans - and he still has them, but recognizes the Inquisitor as "one of the good ones" on High Approval. So, his pride has always been his weakness and the reason for his hubris.
The Inquisitor would have gotten out of the Prison of Regret, just like many other determined and strong personalities Solas knew personally - because they made as many, if not even more hard decisions as Rook did, and they didn't let regret stop them.
>Cassandra also spent time in the Hunterhorn Mountains north of Orlais, where she worked to rebuild the Seekers. For a time, the new Seekers remained reclusive, showing no interest in worldly affairs and working to a purpose few outside their order could guess.
"For a time" doesn't necessarily mean "for entire 10 years". Also, Seekers seeming reclusive and working to a purpose few outside their order could guess makes sense in the context of the Trespasser - if Cassandra decided to use the Seekers to assist the Inquisitor with searching for Solas, she isn't going to tell everyone and their mother about it.
Nobody knows what exactly Seekers are working on because nobody needs to know. Cassandra did learn a lot, and she learned how to be subtle. At least, had she been included in the plot of the Veilguard, there wouldn't have been any disconnect between the epilogue and her actions.
As for her not showing up in Southern Thedas due to political reasons, it would have been understandable, especially if there was a particularly intense geopolitical situation (I'm elaborating on this in the final paragraphs below). However, since Solas could be anywhere because of the Eluvians, she still can help in the regions she can go to.
>With Corypheus gone there is a power vacuum. A cult of fanatics don't just say "oh well, guess we'll go home now." According to Tevinter Nights (which the franchise being a mixed-media franchise has it's own problems), while a lot distanced themselves from the Venatori there were still a good number of loyalists who remained active. This leads to Aelia trying to fill in that role. She does gain a decent amount of support for it. Even when she's "captured" she has enough sway to escape prison and cause problems. Why? Because the Venatori's ideology is appealing to a lot of people in Tevinter even if they don't directly associate with the cult. However, with her "failure" we have another power vacuum present - so why is it "lazy writing" to have the emergence of another powerful mage that speaks like Corypheus and offer power similarly to what he did fill that?
First of all, yes, telling the story of the game in bits of other media is a horrible practice. Not all people are going to read them - so, it should be explained in the game. Not just by codex entries, but by the characters. I had no clue who Aelia was and why she was bad news - and Neve's vague explanations didn't make it any clearer.
Second, without Corypheus the Venatori lost their competitive differentiation, so to speak- their ideology wasn't any different from the general ideology of Tevinter, just a tad more honest and aggressive.
Yes, Tevinter is obsessed with the idea of its supremacy. Yes, it believes it deserves to rule the world and is working towards this goal.
Venatori are just too loud and messy about it, especially without an ancient god/demigod backing them up. So, if the Venatori can't serve the Tevinter's cause meaningfully or at least fall in line, the Tevinter's power would have either dismantled them (either forcefully or by destroying them from inside), just so they would stop causing so much ruckus and getting unwanted attention.
Alternatively, Tevinter would have exploited their zeal and fanaticism (for instance, encouraging their unethical magic research or even agreeing to finance their search for magisters like Corypheus) because despite being absolutely despicable Tevinter isn't stupid and it knows an opportunity when it sees one.
What I mean to say is that the game tries to show that the Venatori are the main reason why Tevinter is corrupt and not getting any better instead of showcasing how deep the problem goes and how it's much more complicated than "defeating a group of bad guys with an evil name"
>The supremacist ideology of the Venatori embody everything you're saying here. The examples you're giving are all part of the supremacist mindset. Hedonistic and power-obsessed ruling class? Yep. "Slavery is bad" and "we should treat non-mages as people" Those two concepts are directly against the supremacists ideology. We also do get some notes from Dorian doing just that Veilguard. The Venatori isn't just one shade of ugly, it's the embodiment of everything wrong in Tevinter. It's the supremacist ideology given form.
Then why make such a focus on the Venatori if the entire Tevinter is built on the ideas of supremacy? Why?
By making the Venatori solo bad guys of Tevinter, the writers washed their hands off the entire corrupt system of Tevinter established in the previous games - see, guys, magisters aren't that bad and the entire Tevinter society doesn't need a wake-up call, it were the Venatori all along. The Venatori are bad, Tevinter nobles practice slavery just because they're misunderstood and confused, and I guess Danarius, Hadriana, and all the slavers from Tevinter you had met before were just the Venatori in trench coats.
The reason why Tevinter refused to acknowledge the Venatori in the Inquisition was because of their cultish obsession with Corypheus and unsubtle aggressiveness, which didn't look good for their long-term ambitions and plotting.
It would have made more sense if the Venatori either became an official ruling party by the events of Veilguard (no coup needed) because a) they didn't meet any resistance from Senate or the people of Tevinter, b) they brought proof of ancient magisters actually existing, which gave magisters a huge ego boost and added quasireligious delusions to the Tevinter's program, c) Par-Vollen officially started its invasion (like it was promised in the previous games) by attacking Antiva, giving Tevinter the opportunity to be more active and aggressive (infiltrating Antiva by offering it "protection" from the Qunari, reintegrating Kirkwall under the guise of defensive measures), preying on the neighbor's desperation and vulnerability to its influence.
But instead, they're shown as that malicious cult that is officially opposed and rejected as if Tevinter somehow had an issue with their philosophy.
>Varric is the one tasked with forming a small team. It's his responsibility to form that team and onboard people and vet them. With the way it's framed in "The Missing" Varric had full authority to bring on whoever. He didn't need approval. They kept in touch via Charter and sent correspondence to the Inquisitor but there wasn't any need for approval.
That's the problem, especially considering that the group was going against Solas with his immense abilities and his network of spies. Bringing on whoever is dangerous. There should be at least reporting to the Inquisitor about new recruits because otherwise Varric had been putting himself in a stab-me-in-the-back situation for Solas' spies all that time.
>Given Varric's line to Neve at the beginning, Varric is upfront with the information: "I also told you he was an ancient elven god." Whether the person believes them is dependent on the person. Rook has been tracking Solas with Varric for a year or so. I think by now they've witnessed enough to believe Varric's information.
Having the information doesn't mean being prepared to face Solas - a guy who has been manipulating and doing psychological warfare long before the the Veil. Also, Varric gives a very one-sided perspective on Solas because he only knows him as his former ally. The Inquisitor gets to know a lot more about Solas - after all, they're the one he rants to during his High Approval scene at the balcony, they're the one he subtly confirms his chosen course of action with, they're the one who sees him leave after the Orb is broken, and they're the one to meet him again in the Trespasser. Varric doesn't have this information, he didn't see that side of Solas, so whatever information he gives to Rook is incomplete. Rook doesn't know what they're dealing with. Moreover, Rook doesn't need to know that Solas is sentimental - Rook needs to know that Solas is very good at lying and deceiving people and that he is ruthless.
It all could have been addressed within prologue dialogues, but all we got was Rook asking "So, when we find this Solas...then what?" - which sounded as if Rook joined the group just yesterday. As a result, Rook sounds woefully unprepared.
>You think they wouldn't let that stop them. I think they're smart enough to not continue to play an active part if any information they get or send off is information Solas is spoon feeding them. If their continued involvement would cause more harm then good then yea, I think they would take a step back. I think they would hand off the reigns to others.
The problem is: who are these others? The entire "there is a real elven god walking around and he wants to destroy the Veil" story is very hard to explain to anyone who hadn't been around during the events of the Trespasser. Dismissive and derogatory attitude towards the elven culture aside, people don't respond to the "gods are among us" claims well without proof. It's not the Blight, which is super hard to ignore. It's something new - and it's so challenging to everyone's religious ideas that engaging new allies would have required some thoughtful wording and messaging.
There is a reason the guys who believed that Andraste reincarnated into a dragon were considered lunatics in the DA:O. To find others who can handle Solas (while knowing what he is and bracing themselves for a tough challenge) would take time and effort - meanwhile, both Leliana and Josephine have the burden of knowing the threat, knowing it's coming. I can't honestly imagine them sitting on their hands and hoping that the Inquisitor finds someone.
Now, there could have been a wonderful way to keep them busy and not as involved without making it look odd. For instance, if Par Vollen officially declared war and started invading Rivain and Antiva.
In that case, Josephine would be fully committed to doing whatever she can for her country, while Leliana's presence will be crucial for a) the morale and safety (if Divine), b) working against Ben-Hassrath and gathering intel (if Sister Nightingale).
>They do find new allies through their journey.
We don't see them in the game.
>They do find people who have ample knowledge of magic and ancient history.
We don't see them in the game.
>This idea also continues to play out in Veilguard. We find someone who has connections.
There is only Neve who is more of a investigative journalist/freedom fighter who never dealt with gods, ancient magic or anything like that. She herself admits that she is way over her head.
>We find someone who has ample knowledge of the fade since that's what Solas was directly trying to manipulate.
Aside from Emmrich, there is nobody else available - and Rook employs him after Varric is out of commission, leaving Rook desperate for help and clues because they have nothing. That's the issue: there are no tangible results after the 10 years of search. Rook starts from the ground zero - even though they aren't supposed to.
>I do not think it implicitly means what you've interpreted it to. I think that's how you interpreted that and I think that's a valid interpretation of it. Unfortunately that's not where they took it. That's also now how I interpreted it. I think a lot of the fandom interpreted this in different ways and that leads to disappointment if their interpretation wasn't correct. I think that's what's happening to you here. I don't think Bioware not catering to your interpretation means "they don't care." or anything like that. I think it's just that what you predicted or assumed based on the information provided ended up being incorrect. Other people predicted it correctly. If anything this just means that the marketing team could have done better at setting expectations and making sure everyone was on the same page.
From my point of view, there are things that are meant to be interpreted differently by players, and that are part of worldbuilding that isn't up for interpretation. For example, the Warden can be absolutely merciless and cruel in their decisions - and their motivations depend on the player's interpretation (trauma, anger due to oppression, refusal to be kind to the world that screwed them over, simple assholery). Similarly, the Warden can be heroic and selfless - why are they like that is still up to the player's interpretation. However, the end goal doesn't change: Kill the Archdemon. It doesn't matter how evil or how kind the Warden is as long as they get the job done. They become the Hero of Ferelden regardless.
All the threats created or hinted at were never up to interpretation. Blights are extremely dangerous. The Mage-Templar war caused massive destructive disruptions across the Andrastian regions, leaving mages and templars particularly vulnerable to exploitation. The death of the Divine led to hysteria and massive crisis of faith, while the Breach and the rise of Corypheus led to the emergence of the Venatori and red lyrium zombies. And the characters always responded accordingly to the threats -- either because of their rank and calling or due to them having exclusive understanding of the problem and needing to be in the loop.
The ending of Trespasser implied that Leliana and Cassandra were sticking around, working with Inquisitor and following the Inquisitor's decisions (and certainly taking note of how easily Solas infiltrated their networks). For them to just bow out without any explanation or reason isn't the problem of interpretation - the game didn't deliver its own buildup.
>But Bioware can't just make whatever they want. Bioware is owned by EA (not just published through them. OWNED by them). Bioware has to pay people to make the games. They need to get the funding and approval from EA to do so. This means that no matter how passionate the team is, there's only so much they can do and EA gets a huge say in what that is. EA who explicitly stated earlier AFTER BG3 released that they don't think single player story based games are worth investing in. WHICH IS INSANE TO ME. EA had them start developing the game one way. EA had them change development midway. EA had them remove all multiplayer pieces. EA cut funding to Bioware forcing them to make cuts in staff.
I admit, I don't know whether it was Bioware or EA who decided to completely dunk on the elves and their entire arc in the Veilguard, make a clown show out of Qunari, destroy Loghain as a character and erase nearly the entire Southern Thedas - and then naively hope for Dragon Age series to get the next game.
I don't know whether it was the Bioware's love ruined by the EA (which definitely played the part in it because I know how soulless and greedy management can fuck up the production) or Bioware writing it all out of spite and then releasing the artbook so people could pay $75 to see the content and the story that never happened and will never happen.
The outcome is the same: there is no reason for me to give them money. If Bioware can no longer make it's own creative choices, I will no longer buy its games because it means rewarding EA for its abhorrent practices.
There is no point in believing in Bioware anymore and support it because if this is where EA is taking it, I'd rather let my favorite series die and be put to rest than see them twisted into the parody of their former selves.
I understand your point, but IMHO, the problem of Veilguard isn't that it's not perfect - it has been actively hurt by the choices and management, which is why it's the pale shadow of what it was supposed to be.
Moreover, I don't even know what the writing team thinks because they either lump reasonable criticism together with elon musk fanboys whining, which is downright insulting or carefully pat themselves on the back for the job done. I understand that EA may have made them sign some kind of BS contract that doesn't allow them to speak ill of EA and its decisions for 100 years or so, but even refraining from comments would have sent the message.
Right now, both behaviors create an impression as it's the players fault for having expectations and wanting the proper final of their story, instead of just consuming the content.
And that's just sad.
Bioware writing team has a comfy, sheltered life and it shows
I'm sorry, but how come that the only people Inquisitor sent to look for Solas were Varric and Harding? How come that the only people recruited in 10 years of pursuing Solas were Neve and Rook? Do the writers understand that this is NOT how a serious effort looks like?
What about Leliana? Divine or not, she is still Sister Nightingale with an immense spywork. You'd think she won't mobilize everything she has to track Solas and his followers?
What about Josephine? What, she decided "nah, I'm done" and didn't use any of her diplomatic talents and connections to let the Inquisitor's agents have access, permissions or information they need?
What about Dorian? As a political figure, you'd think he will be the first Minrathous contact for the Inquisitor allies, the one arranging things and providing insights?
What about Cassandra and her Seekers? Isn't she interested in stopping another world-ending threat?
What about Sera and her sabotaging potential? If she organized the group of people for performing vigilante acts, people who are her eyes and ears, how come nobody from her group is helping with the effort?
I get it why Varric takes part in it - he knew Solas, the Inquisitor trusts him and his judgement, but for the game to imply that all the responsibility was lumped on Varric's shoulders is fucking disgraceful. I get it writers, Varric is popular character, and you would use him as bait to your heart's content, but the context you've created implies that Varric might have been the only one to take the threat seriously, while the Inquisitor and the rest were doing God knows what.
Varric should have been handing the Rook information on all the contacts they can recruit, all the useful agents, all the people to work with, not tell them to ask Neve because she might know someone because detective (Neve is a good character, but the fact that people who were supposed to spend 10 years chasing Solas look up to her for finding them contacts is appalling).
"Oh, but all these people were in the previous parts and we don't want to mention previous parts because muh new players" - well, you shot yourselves in the foot. Maybe, just maybe, you should have AT LEAST cared more about the choices made in DAI.
Congrats.
#dragon age: the veilguard#datv spoilers#dav spoilers#da critical#dav critical#that WAS a lot to type indeed :D#i appreciate the discussion honestly
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ᰔᩚ🗝Where the connection with your person is headed? (Pick a pile)
{How to pick a pile? First, take a deep breath with your eyes closed to clear your mind. When you open your eyes, don't hesitate – pick the image that immediately grabs your attention or stirs up a memory. Remember, you can pick more than one pile if you feel called to. If none of the images stand out for you, it means there's no message for you at this time. You can always come back to it later.}
♡ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ ♡
Pile 1, Pile 2, Pile 3 (from left to right)
Hello, and a huge thank you to everyone for your incredible support. It means a lot!
In this collective pick a pile reading, we'll find out where the connection with your specific person (no matter who) is headed. Let's see where your energy takes us.
Disclaimer: This is a collective reading I picked up on multiple energies, so please only take what resonates and leave the rest. When something resonates you usually feel a light energy and in your heart you can feel it's your message, and the pic that attracts you is a clearly sign.
♡ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ જ⁀➴ ♡
PILE 1 🔑
2 of Swords, Death Rx, Ace of Pentacles (9 of Wands)
Hello Pile 1, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!
Whenever I see The Wheel card, I always think of karmic bonds or relationships. This card indicates an inevitable fate, which reminds me of karma and its lessons. But remember, karma can be positive too - and at the end, you'll be grateful for what you learned. Don't fear it, darling. Neither of you knows where this connection is headed, and for some of you, I sense a connection that's energetic. You may dream of each other. All the cards in your spread depict people with their eyes closed, which also tells me that some of you are trying to make sense of your connection with this person and asking yourself why you feel so drawn to them. Well, it's karmic, so you have unfinished business/unsolved debts with this person, and to move forward in life, you both have to solve them or let go of them and become a better version of yourself. Some of you are building a fence to protect your peace from this person if you have suffered in the past, you do not want to repeat the same 'mistake,' but deep down, I believe you're longing for them because, again, you may have unfinished business or unsolved karma. I'm not sure if we can escape karmic relationships, except by working on ourselves and including shadow work in our routines. That helps us free ourselves from past wounds. Your or your person, but I'm getting both of you, fear change and try to avoid it, holding tight to the past, even if it hurts. But this instead of helping, it blocks you and keeps you going in circles as if there's no way out when in reality there is - but you need to find it looking within you and trusting your gut.
However, nothing is lost because the rest of the cards show me a beautiful outcome for all of you in different ways, but still beautiful. I see material gains, prosperity, and new opportunities that bring abundance, an important step for soul growth and expansion. For some of you I see this connection finally "materializing" in the 3D, you'll reconcile or get in union with them. For others of you I see you resisting this connection, those strong feelings you're holding for long and finally let go of them, which is good as they may not have been for you.
This will lead you to an even better outcome that you may not expect, but that you'll feel grateful for once it comes, and you'll meet someone that is for you and fulfills your heart and soul. All of you will grow and feel inspired and passionate again, with sparkling creativity. It's a great time for growth for all of you. The two Ace's in your spread also tell me that this is just the beginning, and if you're going through a 'dark' period, it's going to be better! <3
Blue, Pink, and red colors may be significant for some of you. Whether is you, your person or both. As well as 1/11/111 and this is also Pile 1 😆
Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 1.
-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.
PILE 2 🔑
7 of Pentacles, The Empress Rx, The Devil (6 of Swords, The Tower)
Hello Pile 2, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!
Oh, my dear pile 2, I'm picking up some troubling energy here. As always, I strive to be as honest as possible, and I believe sugarcoating is not helpful for anyone, however as a positive person myself I love to give advices and encourage people specially in difficult situations.
I see the majority of you is feeling trapped in this connection and can't find the way out, whether confessing to this person or let go. Pretty similar to pile 1 (if you feel called to, please check it) but your group's energy feels a bit more troubled, worried for some reason and there's more emphasis on the 'letting go' part. One of you in this connection is more giving than the other so there's an imbalance and this applies to energetic connections as well, one of you is more invested than the other, hence the Devil card also indicating obsession and the need to let go or ease the feelings for your person. The Empress reversed is a confirmation that you're neglecting yourself and your needs because you're too focused and invested in your person. They're probably your first thought when you wake up and last thought when you go to sleep, occupying your mind almost 24/7 while they're more focused on their career rather than love. But for some of you, what I just picked up applies to both and both of you are obsessed with each other but for some reason, you cannot be together or at least for now. "Divine timing" I know you're fed up to hear this and I am too, but trust that the divine knows when is the right moment for anything and is not punishing you but helping you to not sabotage your connection.
If this connection downs you instead of lifting you up, this reading is a strong sign (my corrector typed "sigh" instead of sign, so I'd take it as a sign lol), from your intuition to let go even if it may be painful at first, trust that you're doing the right thing and better things are awaiting for you. Sometimes a 'difficult transition' is necessary for growth and healing. (6 of Swords and The Tower kept appearing in your reading) I see that you'll navigate successfully through those turbulent waters. With the 3 of Swords at the bottom of the deck, neither the outcome is positive, and if you keep up with this person, it may lead to a broken heart or disappointment.
I see also the color black being dominant which in Tarot is not a good omen as it alludes to hindrances and burdens. (black could be significant for some). As well as the two 3s which mean a need for cooperation if you really want this connection to work.
The message that I'm getting strongly is that you need to recognize your self-worth and be confident in your own skin, and not let anyone change you because you are worth it, my dear, today, tomorrow, and always. And for that, you deserve better, someone that truly loves and respects you and not just in Valentine's Day. But don't worry, because I sense that when you'll finally recognize your worth and power, you'll get that loving person who will love you for who you are, so don't be afraid to let go of this one that deep down may make you unhappy as you don't see any progress from their part. When someone is meant for us, we don't have to force anything, and the physical union will just happen naturally when the time is right. But remember, nothing is set in stone and energies can shift. I am nobody to dictate your life, I'm just reading cards and your energies. You do what you feel like.
Whatever you decide that feels right to your heart will bring you in this Queen of Wands energy: CONFIDENT, PASSIONATE, CREATIVE, and LEADER of yourself, and manifest the life that you want, because she's also a great manifestor!
Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 2.
-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.
PILE 3 🔑
Knight of Wands, The World, 2 of Pentacles Rx (5 of Wands)
Hello Pile 3, and welcome to your reading. Let's dive in!
Compared to the other piles, this one feels more positive. (curiously my group 3's often have positive energies I love that!)
Despite some initial setbacks or obstacles, I see this connection working but not immediately; you both have to work for it. I see disharmony in this couple and overall conflicts that you both have to navigate through if you want your connection to thrive. It's crucial to be clear with each other about what you want from this connection, whether it's casual and short-term (like friends with benefits) or something more serious and long-term. Unless you want both the fun and the seriousness *wink wink* what matters is that you communicate with your person (or partner if you're already in a relationship with them). If you don't, it would be a pity as I see a beautiful connection between you both, but the choice is yours.
Indeed, the Ace of Swords appearing on top of the deck indicates a time for clarity and breakthrough, and confirms the need for open and honest communication between you and your person. My cards can't stress enough how important this is.
If you and your person are not yet in a relationship, they may be worried that you have many suitors or you think they have. However, I don't see them paying much attention to those suitors. One of you (I feel them) may be in a relationship with someone else, and you may think their partner is toxic and want them out of it. If you strongly feel within you that they are unhappy, try to communicate it to them. Communication isn't just for those already in a relationship.
The 10 of Cups and The Sun appearing while I was shuffling is a clear indication that your connection is meant to be or become something beautiful, as long as you and your person work for it.
Thank you for allowing me to read your energy, Pile 3.
-For further guidance or a personalized reading, feel free to book a reading with me. All infos in my paid readings services. However, I also do donation based readings on my Kofi. I'm here to help you navigate life's challenges and find clarity.
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ANY LIKE/REBLOG/COMMENT IS APPRECIATED, ALSO IF YOU LET ME KNOW IF IT RESONATED.
PLEASE DO NOT REPOST MY WORK.
ALWAYS THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR EACH ONE OF YOU'S SUPPORT, I'M GRATEFUL 🤗🤍~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Please note that I used AI language bot to help improve grammar and spelling in my readings, as English is not my first language. However, the interpretations and insights provided in my readings are all my work, based on my intuition and the cards' symbolism.
Disclaimer: Tarot readings are for entertainment purposes only and are not meant to predict or dictate your future. The cards provide insights and guidance, but the ultimate power of choice lies with you.
#pick a card#pick a pile#tarot community#tarot blr#tarot blog#pick an image#tarot cards#collective reading#tarot readings#love tarot reading#love reading#spirituality#tarot deck#the light seer's tarot#mysticalserenity tarot#love reader#intuition#intuitive reader
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Sometimes I can't believe they're real
Q. I don't understand how Oliver can say Buck's bisexuality isn't tied to Tommy. He didn't know he was bisexual before Tommy. There was zero need for Oliver to say his bisexuality isn't tied to Eddie because Eddie has nothing to do with Buck's bisexuality but Tommy literally gave Buck his realization. His bisexuality is absolutely tied to Tommy.
A. So we are rapidly approaching the final ask I will answer on the subject of Tommy or Lou because they are no longer a part of the show. Tommy may be mentioned from time to time from a narrative perspective, though I personally believe it might be one more time at best, but Lou is long gone, thank god, so continuing to talk about either one of them is unnecessary. But I am going to respond to this because this level of absurdity is mind boggling. Your sexuality isn't tied to a specific person or relationship. A person's sexuality belongs to that person and only that person. Buck was bisexual before he realized he was bisexual. Buck is still bisexual even though his relationship with Tommy is over. If the fling he is going to have in 8b, and stop trying to talk yourselves into believing it will be some other kind of vice it won't be, he will have a fling (although hopefully it will be with the person who ends up abducting him), is with a woman he will still be bisexual. He will be bisexual when he's with Eddie. He will always be bisexual. Tommy gave him his first bisexual experience, but that doesn't entitle Tommy to Buck's bisexuality. Abby gave him his first adult relationship and Tommy gave him his first bisexual relationship. Both of those people will always be significant for Buck because of those two things, but neither one of them is owed any kind of ownership over Buck or his identity in any way. They were his firsts. That's the only title either one of them will ever have. Buck was a bisexual man before, during, and after both relationships. Buck not being aware of his bisexuality prior to Tommy doesn't mean it didn't exist before him. And it certainly still exists after him. So Oliver was correct in making sure people understood that no matter who Buck ends up with in his life he will always be a bisexual man. The fact that you don't seem to understand how this works is why Oliver needed to say what he did. You're part of the group of people he was talking too, anon. Hope this helps.
Thank you Nonny!
Yep, yep and yep! I overall agree with Ali.
The only thing I don't fully agree with is that Buck will have another fling in the beginning of 8b. To be honest? Personally, I don't think he will and that he'll try to distract himself with something else. This isn't me trying to fool myself by the way. 😋
Tim did talk about Buck getting into 'something', not 'someone'. Yes, I am aware that Tim is a lying liar that lies, so I could be wrong. 😂 But I have a hunch that they won't take the same old tired path for Buck this time and instead they'll have him involved in something unexpected. What? I haven't the faintest idea. 🤷♀️
We'll just have to wait and see.
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If you are interested in more of Ali’s posts, you can find all of her posts so far under the tag: anonymous blog I love.
#anonymous blog I love#season 8 speculation#buddie speculation#nonnies galore#Buck's always been bisexual#it was always there#it isn't tied to anyone but himself#same with Eddie and whatever label they'll give or won't give him
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#us election venting beware:#i am actually a bit annoyed at all the people that told me i was just being pessimistic and it's not healthy to think the worst of people#when yet again we have proven the worst of people wins#and even if it doesn't win (it will) it is still so significantly mobilized and out there#like i know it's not helpful. but i TOLD YOU. everyone thought it wouldn't happen and it DID.#just like nobody thought it would happen THEN and i was apparently the only one around me who saw it coming.#now can we PLEASE take this problem SERIOUSLY and get off our fucking asses and admit it's fucked out there??#the core of our system is bad. it is rotting and the proof is in this joke of an election#so can every white liberal get off my ass for 'bringing down the vibe' or whatever?#you people have been LAZY for a long time. you have been comfortable and unmotivated and been doing NOTHING.#quit focusing on doing your best by voting and get the fuck out there and disrupt. radicalize!#'common sense' is not enough and it never was#i hate to say it but believing the best in the masses in this deeply racist country will disappoint you every time#and i can't believe so many people fell for it again!!!!#i know it's unfair but#i'm finding it really difficult to sympathize with people in my community who are sad and disappointed#when i watched you do NOTHING for YEARS#(not for the people that are actively in danger. my heart breaks for you. i will not stop fighting for you. you didn't deserve this.)#i have never believed that people are fundamentally good and i'm sorry if that's mean but it's just not true#people are fundamentally neutral and you have to WORK to push them towards 'good'#and for too long the pushing has been going in the other direction. but 'pushing' at all is uncouth to you people i guess#get over your decorum. get over your morals that mean nothing. no one else is playing by your rules. DO something. CARE MORE.#sorry. i'm angry. i am filled with rage. and it is mostly directed towards the white intellectual elite.#to anyone who is blindingly furious i see you and i am with you lmao.#to anyone that wants to say 'i told you so' you are so valid.#we keep going.#futhermore: 'it's only four years. we'll recover.' BITCH#ONLY four years? that's four years of DAMAGE that will really hurt people in the meantime#and set up a whole host of problems for the future! the courts my god.#four years of bullshit policy and shit we will have to spend years untangling just to get back to even thinking about making any progress
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reading amazon reviews about salicylic acid skincare products and ppl were upset that it burns a little bit
lmao,, yeah its an acid,, thats how it works🧍🏻♀️
#like its in the name whatd u expect HAHA#anyway i got a bunch of new and fancy skincare products bc im tired of being 70% blackheads so#we'll see if it works... or if i can even keep it up for more than a week lol
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on today's episode of 'acaica's background thoughts for the dess raises kris au': okay but lets be serious do dess and chara actually stay together in the end--
#drkau#chatter#i debate over this point SO OFTEN LOL#they are BACKGROUND characters. like medium at best.#dess (or asriel or both you can argue any way) is the catalyst for everything but at the end of the day this is a kids story#and noelle IS still going to be the main character#but. man. does desschara work it out#their dynamic will be by far one of the hardest ones to write it think#it is very messy and very complicated and neither of them make great choices#and ive been writing a test piece of them for a WHILE#which. was good to get a decent nail of their characters as they stand in this au#but introduced SO MUCH MORE MESS. bc chara is aroace and 100% has some trauma and fucked-up feelings around sex#but xe DOES have sex with dess. and its like. does xe fully consent to it? yes!#does dess check in to be sure hey you're down bc she knows chara is ace while she isnt? also yes!!!#by the books they do everything right its just. chara is very very very good at rationalizing things.#and xe is. not actually as okay with this as xe is trying to be. and in fact this is very unhealthy for xir#(and then theres this whole OTHER layer of dark worlds and prophecies and everything that leads to frisk being born)#and its like. man. Man. this is so much to juggle#just everything between desschara is jngdfg they are trying their bests but it really is not going that well#bc they meet at like. 19-20 i think and chara's had nobody at all and sorta keeps chasing being someone's most important person#and dess has never had someone who has understood her on a level like chara#who really truly gets what shes about as a person and how she operates in the world#and its just a perfect storm really. and they both have kids and dess did technically kidnap hers just a little bit#and she never tells that to chara. and she tries but she cannot stay in place with xir#and chara couldnt hate her bc. again. has never experienced unconditional love#or love at all really </3 so instead of ever having hard conversations xe will brush it all under the rug#and sorta just enable dess's worse impulses. even sometimes at the expense of their literal children#ITS MESSY YALL. AND LIKE.#at the end of the day we'll see lol maybe they work it out maybe they dont. i have no idea. ive gotta write the thing#and if dr chapters 3&4 come out that could complicate things even FURTHER--
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#personal#keep being like. if Only i had talked to him sooner. if Only i had been Friendlier sooner. but its like#Realistically.... probably wasnt ready. and also like. itd have to happen after school was over anyway bc 1. um i need to focus on school#and 2. how Awkward if i asked him out n he said no. or say we broke up or soemthing#like there were weeks i saw him every day. aint no way... i could handle the awkwardness of that#so ok ok ok. everything is fine JFJFJKFKFKFMFMFMFMFMF#i just have to remember not to get in my own head about it#like if i wanna message him i just should.....#its just..... hhhhHHhhhhh whyd this have to happen to me at 29. i could have been a happy spinster thank u NFJFJFJFJJFJFJFJF#but now ik what having an actual crush is like and oh wow is it painful. but also beautiful n fun. i just...... and lets face it this is#more than a crush. like its definitely Like like but i dont wanna say the Real L Word bc it seems..... idk JDJDJJDJD#but ive definitely um.... fallen. ya. ew JDJDKDJKDKDKDKDKS#but im just gonna follow my gut or whatever the fuck has been guiding me bc things have worked out so far#and like it wouldnt have without his participation. like ya....#im just like... what if he Forgets about me or like everything fizzles out#but then its like i Know if i see him again itll all come back.#bc in the summer i tried so hard to get over him (and kinda succeeded)... only to see him again in class and be like oh fuck oh no and the#n That Dinner. that was the final blow. i was so overwhelmed i got lost on the way home#which... the restaurant we were at is less than 10 mins from my house so you can imagine the uh Overwhelmingness#i cant even remember the original point of this but. i think we'll find a way ....... i say we but i should say 'i' bc until he tells me#that he likes me im gonna have to like Not Assume. hhhh#it doesnt help either that ppl were bringing up 'hes just not that into you' on twt bc Now im like#oh God. am i in that kind of situation???? i doubt it tho. i think hes just reserved. GAH. whatever happens happens
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I still find it kinda wild that after 1 psych eval they immediently put me on antipsychotics
#i mean it was in the right direction but not the right answer#we good now tho we on the two in one epilepsy mood stabalizers ayye#i will say tho i got put on keppra for my seizures and i cant imagine being on that long term#if i stayed on it any longer than i did i prolly woulda been in the er simply cause i couldnt eat and was near passing out at every moment#but if i didnt have that i woulda been in jail#i was so fucking mad and angry all the time i thankfully was able to keep it in but oh my god#never in my life had i wanted to throw chairs at people SO bad#my mom would ask if i had found a pair of socks and it took all that was in me to not scream and throw my socks across the room#and then i got so so sad oh my god#cause i ended up taking two tweeks off work to get off it and get on a new one and i went up to see my dad#so i was on the train sobbbing my eyes out for no reason#or like a day or two after i got there we drove up into maryland to go to costco it was prolly hour 30 hour 45#and my dad turned to look at me and my brain decided he did it wrong#i sobbed the entire way home and we had to stop at harbor freight and i cried even more#and he felt so bad and was like we can get dinner u want pizza we'll get pizza if u want and we almost couldnt find the dominos#and it almost made me worse i cried for like a solid 2 hrs and half of it was cause i was so upset abd angry that i was crying#when i didnt want to which made me cry more#god keppra is fucking evil#if it helps you of course ya got the good part but damn id never felt like that on any other med
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#GAH hate not knowing how ppl feel about me#bc i used to be SUPER close friends w this person like they were ~25% of th reason i came back to my uni town after moving away last summer#and i keep texting them like ' hey we should meet up sometime! ' and they respond ' omg YES 100% i have SO much i need to catch you up on !#unfortunately i am out of town every single day. also so busy. '#and like yeah okay college very busy life very crazy. but how are you out of town every single day and also why have you NEVER reached out#and i saw them in person at target and they seemed genuinely pleased to see me! and also said something like#' we gotta hang out i have so much to tell you!! *ill* message *you* ' in a way that seemed to convey guilt at ^^ all that#but then how in the WORLD do you happen to be driving out of town immediately after the one event i know we'll both be going to???#and also casually gracing over the fact i also mentioned getting dinner beforehand??#also i dont know any reason they wouldnt like me unless its one of those ' im autistic and didnt notice you getting fed up w me '#or if theyre just actually that busy or too anxious to see people or anxious to reach out or fucking whatever#and like even when i saw them at target they told me a bunch of stuff that i dont tthink youd say to a random acquaintance#which if they do still like me makes sense! bc we were super duper close once! but doesnt make sense if they dislike me/want me to go away#like UGH just either ask me to hang out or say yes to a hang out or tell me to fuck off already!!!!#oh and ALSO the one time we DID have plans we didnt set an exact time but they texted me at like 11 and said ok we can hang out now until 2#or they texted me at 11 and said ' i work at 2 but i dont think thats gonna be a problem also are you okay w hanging w my roomies too '#and i know their roomies so thats fine but i was like ??? WHAT shouldnt be an issue? r you gonna call off to hang out for more than 3 hrs?#or are you gonna friend break up w me so it wont take 3 hours#anyway i was like uhhh shit we didnt set a time so im actually at a tattoo place like an hour away w my roomie?#so we rescheduled for the next day when uh oh they hung out w someone who was exposed to covid so had to cancel again!#i cant think of a single reason they wouldnt like me except that they never did but we had an activity together so they were stuck w me#and they seemed genuinely happy to see me and also seem upset declining plans but like if thats true what the FUCK is happening????#anyway this was a mile long if you e read this far i love u if you have tips feel free to reply or dm me
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the worst part in being able to write sentences is that nothings stopping me from writing fics yk
#snap chats#i get inflicted with images and i MUST share them through art lest i die i know it's awful#like i keep being inflicted with images but my arm hurts too much to draw any more today#bitch ass arm why are you hurting. WHY are you hurting its not even my wrist it's my bicep??????#anyway the problem with writing lies in writing up to the scene in question#not even 'scene' just like. A Visual that lasts Max five seconds but i need to project into people's brains#ive sketched a lot of things to finish on other days today. im still too intimidated to leave the house lest i run into Mother#so im just thinking of how to kill time now that i have nothing left to do today#ough id work on my june-sale comm sheet ad thing but my arm hurt.. as i said before..#maybe tomorrow ill do it- or ill have it ready by monday#anyways. im gonna sit here and hallucinate and see if i come up with anything 5k words worthy#'snap you know you can just write the scene you want right. you know you can even just tell us what it is right'#1.) we know how i feel about saying things i wanna write/draw !!!!! i SUCK !!!!!!!#2.) i like build up... i like us getting there.. i hate me too its ok#ok hallucinating time. or i-grow-up-and-leave-the-house time idk we'll see in like an hour ig
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since getting back from rehearsal i've iced, wrapped, and elevated my foot for rest and taken some ibuprofen after i had something to eat, and i'm glad to say my ankle is much less angry feeling now
#sasha speaks#i'm gonna try to take it easy tomorrow for the most part and not stress it too much to make sure it's okay#although the walk up/down the hill to/from the music building and across campus will be. shit#i would really like to get to the practice rooms during the day before evening rehearsal to work on the baroque a bit#i'm gonna need all the practice i can feasibly cram into my schedule between now and next thursday to get used to the thing#but i really don't want to have to walk up/down that hill more than absolutely necessary tomorrow#and i'll need to eat dinner before rehearsal which is on the opposite side of campus. sigh...#well we'll see how it feels tomorrow. i'll keep it wrapped up tonight#it was very much not happy with me sitting in the rehearsal chair for like 5 hours tonight and then walking up the hill again after#but what can you do
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When Sophia rang this morning, she said she'd slept on the couch, still in yesterday's clothes, had knocked over the coffee and it had spilt everywhere and everything was wet and she couldn't even light her cigarette and
#normal people problems#also my work emails had a fit today and i clearly need to resign and i hate everything and#i could tell Sophia was in a bad mood when she rang at 5 minutes to 5pm and yet that's when i told her I'm leaving early next Monday#and that i have an exam on the 8th#she's like 'what exam?????' Jesus Christ Sophia i already mentioned it to you#it's just so hard to train the new girl#sure I'm being a baby about it all but it's just so hard and i hate it and Sophia rings every two seconds telling me to do something else#so I'm doing like several things at once and the new girl is obviously confused and i just#Jenette and Colleen did so much like not huge things just a whole lot of little things and i can barely keep up with everything#and then to show a new girl how to do things#like it takes double the amount of time to explain#aw man i didn't even put the petty cash money away#or send out the correspondence#everything's so much up to shit#i just#i feel so awful though because I'm definitely not doing enough and i know Sophia needs me to do more (invoices) but i just#I'm so dumb and everything is a mess and#i barely take lunch breaks like just eat kitkats and freddos and juice throughout the day that's it#also he barely talks to me in the office and i have to be around a married couple but at least i get to banter with Tony sometimes#Tony come on tell me about your girlfriend and we'll double date I've seen she's the man i know how double dates work#I'm violet as a boy and he is eunice and Tony is Channing Tatum and his girlfriend is Olivia and#i see nothing wrong with this
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ahdfgjh
#i have an interview on friday i think#which is conveniently right after getting back from a trip lmfao 😀#bruh when i gave them my interview availability i said like available after 6/20 or smth#and they originally scheduled me for the 13th 💀 which like whatever human error and i emaied and they fixed it#and thenscheduled for the day after i said i would be on a trip lmfao#i have a bunch of shit to do to prepare for it too / complete for them beforehand#and i just realized i also have to prepare a 10 min presentation#without powerpoint or anything like i just have to tak abt smth for 10 mins ?????#which is not that bad ig considering like they could've made me actually give a presentation on myself lmfao#but i think i can actually talk about anything which is cool#bitch is gonna talk abt flow arts / glowsticking lmfao#but like i want more time to prepare TT and idk if i have that much time / motivation / energy on this trip lmao#ugh whatever#idek if i can get this job bc it requires relocation and i can't rly relocate until after this academic year lol#even tho i am no longer in da academic c:#ugh anyway lmao also have an interview next monday idk why they're so close rip#i also have to prepare for that one TT that'll be an after this first interview problem lmao#i also have a coupoel saved job apps deadlines coming up#........ i have not finished the cover letter even tho i was working on it before this trip like i need to finish before this trip#bc i'm not gonna work on it lol but guess what i did not do before this trip :DDD#i could very much do da cover letter rn bc my brother is suddenly having a random ass call for his student org lol#(bro i already miss being on my student org leadership :'''''''''') anyway)#so ig we're just chilling in our hotel#but what if i dont 😀 i've been reading HELLA j/atp fanfic lmfao idk why that specifically but ig i miss them :')#so i'd much rather keep doing that over doign cover letter 😀😀😀😀😀#anyway we'll see lemme shut up now lmao#jeanne talks
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I feel like my meds keep wearing off earlier and earlier in the day ugh.. having to lie down now im home from work I'm shattered :-(
#was out of it from 2pm i had a whole 2 hours at work where i couldnt tell u what i even did. just so exhausted and empty#and i keep forgetting basic shit. thf i slept badly last night so this isnt representative of every day on meds#trying to keep that in mind before i start wailing abt how they dont work bc they DO. but ONLY if i sleep and eat properly#ah i dont know.. im gonna go to bed early tn anyway im getting rly irritable again#i think i might be coming down w a cold actually my sinuses feel a bit inflamed#so there we go#but yeah ill get back to my dr abt supplementing w short release. and we'll see.#if that doesnt work ill try a week or 2 more at this dose and then decide whether to stick with it or give up on meds#well i dont want to give up. but im rly apprehensive abt non stimulants bc ive heard the ones she suggested can stop periods#and anything that fucks w my cycle always messes me up badly... idk what it is. hormones i guess#and some ppl have said they got rly bad mood swings on them n shit. if i have worse mood swings u wont hear from me again 👍#ah shit i have a nosebleed#changed my mjnd i was gonna take a cold shower but im putting the hot water on i need a long one#ill eat now while its heating up. and then msg dr. and then play a FUCKING videogame bc i haven't all weekend i feel insane#.diaries
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i have literally never been a dog person but lately i've been hit with What If I Got A Dog and it's rockin my world to be quite frank with you
#dogs are just. so cool. i want a medium/big dog IF i ever get one#but with the job that i'll have working evening shifts i would have time for one during the day#i've spent all my idle time today just mapping it out in my head and looking at dog breed vids on youtube#which is an ok amount of research for rn because it will be YEARS before i bring another animal into this house#for a dog to come into the house it has to be after my cat dies and that thought makes me very sad so i want to just focus on my cat#for right now#he does not get along with others. he's just a very anxious little boy because he's disabled and doesn't feel confident that he can#defend himself.#i have been watching bike riding videos with dogs cuz that's what i'd do if i had one. i can't run it's just not in my agenda#i don't have that kinda stamina or the right shoes or anything#but ohhhhh my god if i could train a dog so well that it could RUN BESIDE ME while i ride my bike? that would be SO AMAZING#first of all it would keep the dog healthy. second we'd look cool as hell and so coordinated. and it would mean that we'd bonded rlly well#idk man i don't want kids but i do want to guide a life and make it better. which i'm doing right now with my cat but like#idk i'm just daydreaming#dogs were bred to be trained. cats do whatever they want. you CAN train them but they're not bred for it#part of me is attached to labs but that is so BASIC and i know that people underestimate labs cuz they're so common in usa and canada#so i'm looking at different breeds to see what would suit me best but it rlly comes down to The Dog#which will not come along for HOPEFULLY many years#literally we'll just see how i feel tomorrow. cuz this feeling has come up as of today. i actually think i'm just pmsing#but i can tell this experience has changed me. i've been watching dog grooming videos that's what it is#i will come out of this with more of an appreciation for dogs. i know that. maybe i will actually adopt one in the far far future#it's a nice thought#txt
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