#but then its like i Know if i see him again itll all come back.

[bangcakes]

.

[mxdotpng]

its actually something i think about often which is sad. nobody sees this vision more than i do. or at all actually

[amoressb]

☆ LOWKEY

pairings : childhood bsf!riki x reader ; friends to lovers

synopsis : in which you and riki have been best friends since you guys were in kindergarten. youre both now in your last year of high school and with all that time together, people would think that you guys were bound to end up falling for each other, right? well, that seems to only be the case for riki. hes fallen in love with you after all this time, especially since you guys tend to flirt constantly, but he knows you dont feel the same. right? either way, he doesnt want to risk losing you so he tries to keep his love for you on the lowkey. will it work?

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hes making moves

smau + written

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putting his phone away, he focused on getting to school. he was only 3 minutes away anyways. he couldnt believe he woke up late even with having his alarm put on. hes heartbroken he couldn’t walk you to school or your first class but he can walk you to the rest so he guesses its fine.

on the way, he started thinking of where hes gonna take you today. “oo i should buy her some flowers, that would be good first hint right??” he thought. either way even if it wasnt a good hint, he was still gonna buy you flowers. maybe moves will happen naturally but theres one thing he wants to make sure he does at the end of their ‘date’. he couldnt stop smiling at the thought.

making his way to class, he spots you through the doors window. you looked so pretty all focused on the teacher and making sure youre taking notes. he started feeling butterflies in his stomach just by looking at you and also remembering hes gotta ask you out.

entering class, he makes his way quietly to his seat next to you. turning over, you spot riki placing his stuff down and getting out things he needed. he turned to you with a smile and you both said hi at the same time which caused you both to start giggling quietly. “i already took notes so ill just give them to you after school okay?” you look over at him only to see him staring at you. “what?” you chuckle confused looking away for a second. “hm? oh nothing um about after school, i was wondering if you wanted to go out?” he rubs his hand on the back of his neck. he seems nervous? “yeah of course!” you smile. “okay perfect ill pick you up at your house then by 4?” he questions. “yeah ill be ready!” you nod.

“btw since we’re gonna go out, ill give you what i was gonna give you when you come pick me up” you grin. “aw cmon why not now” he sulks moving closer. “nope itll stay a little surprise till then” you look away cheekily smiling. he just moved closer to you and continues begging for you to give him the little gift. “riki-“ you were interrupted by the teacher calling out you and his name. “ni-ki y/n, do i need to separate you two..again?” he looks at you two with a straight face already used to you two goofing around with each. “no sir” you both say at the same time and once the teacher turns away you both turn to each other giggling like little kids. just get together already..

coming out if the flower shop, now on his way to your house, riki was getting more and more nervous about how the rest of the day could play out. would you enjoy the day? could something go wrong? he knows he shouldnt worry as he know thats what you always tell him. today will go perfect and hopefully by the end of it he could have given enough hints that he likes love you.

the plan for today was to take you to a little cafe he knows you wanted to go to then maybe an arcade? then end off the night with just a night walk near the lake and look at the city lights then take you home. oh he couldnt wait he was genuinely so excited but still slightly nervous of course.

riki was now standing in front of your door. he took a deep breath and rung your doorbell. putting the flowers in front of his face and once you opened the door you said his name in a confuse yet excited manner, “riki?!” he moved the flowers to the side and his head to the other side and smiled widely. “hi pretty, these are for you m’lady” he hands you the flowers bowing a little and that makes you let out a chuckle at his actions. “aaand these are for you handsome” you said taking out the spiderman keychain you had bought him the other day and hand it to him with a smile. “i bought it the day i hung out with jake and look were matching now!” you bring out your matching keychain attached to you bag. “i love you.” riki let out on accident in a daze. “what.?” you look at him confused genuinely not hearing what he said. “huh oh nothing i said nothing haha..” he quickly realized what he did and tried to play it off which worked. “anyways um lets go yeah?” he points behind him. you nod and he starts leading the way.

after a couple of minutes, you guys finally arrived to the cafe. once there, you both order your drinks and whatever you wanted to eat and went to go sit down. you guys started talking about some things as well as what you think your plans will be for winter break next week. but what you didnt notice was the gaze riki had on you the whole time. honestly you thought he was just really into what you were saying and just letting you talk and he nodded from time to time taking sips from his drinks. in reality riki was hearing you..he was just more focused on you. all around being the ‘you can talk my ear off’ kind if guy as long as he can just hear and look at you the whole time. ever since he started realizing his feeling, its been harder to look away from your beauty. this opportunity right now gave him time to really take it in. you couldnt tell but he was looking at you with nothing but love and adoration.

you guys finished up at the cafe and started making your way to the arcade. it was nice that it was all walking distance, so it gave you more time to really be with each other, as if you guys arent always with each other. at the arcade, you guys had an absolute blast. although for the most part riki won most, if not all the games, but like i said you had fun. what was really cute, was the dedication he had to get you this one specific stuffed animal you wanted. after many tries and lots of quarters, he finally got it and handed it to you. “for my beautiful girl” he handed it to you the same way he handed you the flowers and this made your face heat up a bit. all this name calling was doing something to you but you being oblivious to everything, you brushed it off.

now you guys were just walking around the lake taking in the sights when you feel something grab your hand. you look to your side and see that it was not other than riki. this action that he did made your cheeks heat up even more. thank goodness it was dark outside, so he couldnt catch your face looking like what it was. even though your heart was beating like crazy on the inside, on the outside, you make sure to look calm and collected and continued to take the view. riki on the other hand, couldnt bear to look over to you. worried youre looking at him in a weird way. this was part of his ideas anyway, but actually doing it, he felt his heart jump out of his chest. eventually he turned over to you just to see you calm and looking over the lake. how are you so calm? hes feeling all giddy inside and you? how was he going to do what he was going to do next if this is how hes feeling by just holding your hand?

still hand in hand, making your way home was sad for both of you. you both didnt want the night end. both making their way to your door, riki pulled on your hand gently to make you turn to him. “i had a really fun time with you today and i hope we can do it again soon like this. yk not like I usual hang outs” he states using his other hand to rub the back of his neck. “yeah me too. i loved it. it was very relaxing” you smiled swaying the hand that was holding onto his slightly. “im gonna get going now. msg when you get home okay?” you state. “okay i will” and right there is when riki took his chance and leaned in to give you a simple yet sweet kiss on the cheek. “goodnight pretty” he smiles at you sweetly and begrudgingly lets go of your hand and starts walking away. “goodnight riki” you yell a bit, finally after you stood in shock for a second. your face was so red people would think its because of the cold but no. it was all riki, that..cute..sweet boy named..riki. you smiled softly at the thought.“i just did that omg” riki thought. he honestly couldnt be more proud of himself. he couldnt believe he stayed calm after doing all that because in reality his knees felt weak. he might just drop right then and there. overall he thinks he did pretty good. he went home with the biggest smile on his face. he hopes to be able to do this again.

☆.。.：*。.：*・.：*・.。.：*。.：*・.：*・.。.：*。.：*・.☆

taglist - @ruth-odyssey @kyuremp3 @heartheejake @heenzie @annoyingbitch83 @getoxo @sunooluuvr @moony-mari @luvgiselle @yjwxfxr @crimson-reaper576 @jungwonsjellies @ikeulove @inaisis @jiiyen @stvrriki @keylimejake @seungminsapuppy @who-tf-soddhi @pshwrldd @enhytan @reikaxslvr @i03jae @jkslvsnella @kamfaye @yangjungwonnie @babygirlskz98 @heirdollies @noiiny @brendz00 @sugarikiz @nctrawberries @aishigrey @h33seungz00 @en-ctzen @bananna-12 @rikidaze @nikistar @lilifiedeans @vixialuvs @strawberrieswithchocolateo3o @jenniferecand @jakeslvt @swanyvess @kittsnewera @rairaiblog @haerinheartss @hooneyz-luver @rikikiynikilcykiki @sugarikiz

[vanderdyks]

I literally dont know how to continue explaining to people that part of the reason Goku decided to stay dead was because Gohan hated fighting.

He didnt know this until cell. He literally had no idea. Gohan NEVER gave any indication whatsoever. Couple that with the fact Bulma pointed out most of people threatening the Earth during that point in time were all people wanting Goku. The saiyans. Frieza. The androids. Doctor Gero. Cell.

All because of Goku. Its not his fault but his very existence consistently put the Earth in danger. He truly believed Earth would be safer without him and therefore, gohan wouldnt be consistently placed into battle.

Because Goku didnt know gohan hated fighting. But once he knew came the very interwoven nature of these threats he brought making his own son fight because gohan felt he HAD to. Not because he wanted to. For goku, protecting the earth always aligned with his own love for fighting. But gohan fought out of necessity, out of the very idea that they couldnt afford to do it without him. He has this power he didnt ask for so he must use it right? Because it would be selfish if he didnt.

But goku... goku thought gohan was like him. Gohan WANTED to return to help fight vegeta. He WANTED to go to namek. He WANTED to stay and fight after piccolo almost died to frieza. Goku didnt see gohan train that first year. Didnt witness what it took to make gohan a fighter. All he saw was his son who now was strong and wanted to join the fight like his dad. And he knows gohan is more powerful than them, knows he can stop cell, FELT IT. Gohan has to defeat cell because no one else can. So he thinks if gohan gets angry enough fighting cell, itll be the answer. Because thats how its always been for goku. And in thirty seconds piccolo makes him realize he's wrong. He doesnt argue back, he listens and concedes and realizes that piccolo is right. And suddenly goku wants to abandon his plan and stop the fight. He made a mistake. He intends to get gohan out. And in the end, he still ended up being right, but it doesnt change what goku now knows. Gohan isnt like him and he doesnt enjoy fighting.

Goku would have NEVER made gohan fight if he thought he didnt want to. You know this whenever adult gohan gets involved in a fight and goku apologizes that he had to. Or when someone suggests gohan for a battle and goku is like nah he's "out of practice," even when they have time FOR PRACTICE. He never wants to force gohan into a situation like cell again. Because cell was a mistake and goku has learned from it. So he never asks Gohan to fight anymore. If Gohan wants in then of course he's in. But he wants his son to be able to choose that. He wants gohan to be HAPPY and if thats not fighting then thats perfectly alright with goku.

So it wasnt just about keeping the earth safe. Or his friends. It was knowing that in the safety of gokus absence, gohan wouldnt have to fight either. There would be less threats, less chances of his son being forced into battle. And sure he also trusted that gohan and the others could keep the earth safe if they had to, but he was banking on the threat level significantly decreasing instead.

And decrease it did. They had seven whole years of peace. Not a single threat. Meanwhile from the moment Raditz shows up to gokus death to cell, it all takes place within the span of FIVE YEARS. The longest they went without a threat was the three year gap spent training for the androids. And they spent every waking moment knowing they were coming.

And then if you look at trunks future... majority of the human population being wiped out by the androids. Majority of gokus friends. His son. All dead. Because of him. Because he defeated the red ribbon army when he was a child. And that very easily could have been their future as well. So Goku does his job in preventing that. He saves all of them. And if hes the only one who ends up dead, well... it doesnt matter. Because they aren't. And he intends to keep it that way. So he stays in otherworld, to keep them safe and to give his son a future that he can choose. If Gohan has to fight, then he can. But at least his father wouldnt be the one bringing the threats to his door.

[h4venpha]

i think i find comfort in vashwood because of their unwillingness to say outloud how they care and love for one another. like CANONLY, theres so, so much they dont say, yet their actions reflect everything.

i’m pretty sure i’ve spoke on this before but i like to think that they never say more than they need to because of the world they live in, the type of people they are, the type of upbringings theyve had. it all stems back to them not really feeling worthy of the love they are offered.

wolfwood who only thinks of himself as some fucked up modified killing machine and that he believes theres no chance someone as kind hearted as vash would see the good in him, or what little there is left of the good in him. he’s done nothing but kill, he could never redeem himself, and yet vash isn’t scared nor shuns him for it even with his pacifistic ideals.

vash who has seen the brutal truth of wolfwood’s being and still decides he loves him to the very end.

vash who doesnt believe he deserves any ounce of love or commitment because he only hurts those he gets close to. it’s happened before and itll happen again, like hes a walking time bomb and everything will blow up again and the people close to him will die no matter what he does. and wolfwood who canonly sticks beside him until the end! literally calls himself his guide.

vash who has never had true companionship in his 150 years of living, and wolfwood who follows him to the ends of gunsmoke.

just up until vol10, theyre still toeing the line of the relationship theyve created. but the exact moment vash shows up and chooses to prioritize wolfwood over going after knives (the fucking thing he’s been working towards since the big fall, over a hundred years ago) is the moment he steps past that line. its so extremely open and explicit, even wolfwood asks him ‘why are you here?”

while what he says here is true yes, it also sounds like “you cannot die, i’m here to ‘save’ you because i want to live.”

then to this when wolfwood knows and accepts he will die— the sheer HORROR on vash’s face when he realizes wolfwood wont allow him to save him.

few pages ahead, vash’s monologue starts and these old panels come up. “deep down, he had become very close to me.” basically implying that back then, during the ‘shoot’ moment, they weren’t really close. and when vash accused him: “you’re the coward here.”, “you give up all hope so easily”, it was almost surface level in a way? talking to him at surface level

but now, so many chapters later when wolfwood really does give up hope, vash, with all of his developed love through out the story realizes how differently he feels now. wolfwood made him put a fucking gun to his head (giving up hope), and vash who only scolded and accused him, vs vol10 where when wolfwood gives up hope, vash feels straight terror, that he’s really going to lose him. (also the inverted panel is just so gorgeous.)

the whole “isnt that right, wolfwood?” just proves my entire point that vash’s presence here in this fight steps over the line of vulnerability they had created. he knows how he feels, and he knows that wolfwood feels the same, even if hes speaking to him indirectly.

[banj0possum]

What if i want to bite them (all characters), like. Its love bites <3 like not hard enough to bleed hut enough to leave a mark for a while. Like i love them so much i just cant help it! I would kiss the bite marks after in hopes to make them not hurt as much <3

-🩷

Darling Gives Them Love Bites <333

My OCs x GN! Reader

Heres a short post from an old request as a little snack before the yan gang!!

CW: biting ofc, nsfw jumpscares sprinkled in, tooth decaying fluff

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Adrian is a bit confused and weirded out at first, like why are you biting thats gross youre gross wait why are you stopping you have to bite his other shoulder or else its not symmetrical and itll feel weird come back !!

he needs to get used to it gradually, but once it gets to the point you leave marks on his skin, he's asking for a lil bite every time you two say goodbye so he can have a memento of you

he cums in his pants if you lick the bite oh my god please do it again he begs of you

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Brandon thinks it's a game and bites you back, picking you up and throwing you up in the air. You activated some kind of trigger in him that made him go full excited golden retriever.

He bites you back, kissing the area over and over again as revenge

He probably bites more than you to be honest, he's always wanted to bite but held back in case you were uncomfy with it, but now that he knows you're cool with it he's going ham.

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Valeth is cooing over you, little duckling bites!! so cute!!!

He praises your bite marks, pointing out the parts that hurt saying things like "If you tried, you could definitely break skin! Good job my duckling!"

Thinks your little teeth are cute, especially your canines, he loves comparing it to his tusks.

He allows, no, encourages to let you nibble on his hand or arm

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The horde doesnt let you, kisses are ok, but biting ? no no no

not because they dont like it, they just dont want you putting your mouth on their literally rotten skin

plus they associate biting with eat so thats a bit of a problem

but my oh my they love kisses, give them a bit and maybe just maybe theyd let you nibble a little bit.

dont let them do it back to you especially ribs, they have super sharp teeth that can break bone if they wanted

but like you might be into that so idk man

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Wolfie thinks youre being aggressive before you assure him its how you express love, then he starts to do it back or lick you.

It's more of him casually putting a part of your body in his mouth protectively, he doesnt wanna hurt his mate ;-;

he still prefers licks and cuddles tho, anything that involves cuddles are ok for him!!

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Doriks cummin buckets im sorry

are you marking him as yours ? please do it some more please! maybe on his ear? arm? dick? chest?

hes all yours !!!

he offers to bite you back, itll eventually turn into very intense sex that ends with the both of you covered head to toe in bite marks

he wants round 2

use it as a reward and hes doing whatever you ask with the speed of a sports car

appears right next to you, neck exposed, waiting eagerly for another bite

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kalva is confused but laughs and bites you back, its a little painful because of the beak but he tries his best to be gentle.

he sees it as you trying to preen him and swoons over your 'attempt'

he preens you in order to teach how its really done! its mostly just an excuse to love on you <3

hes very ticklish so expect a flurry of giddly hoots and chirps from him whenever you nibble on him

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jasper is crying sobbing rolling on the floor rn

BITE HIM ON THE BECK PLEASE BITE HIM ON THE N-

he wants to roleplay with you being a vampire and him being your mortal soulmate

lil guy a bit freaky like that <3

moans so loud when you bite him, he has to apologize

euheheh eghghhh hes so crazy for you and your love bites

doesn't wanna bite back because skin on teeth is not a good sensation for him, but he'll cover your face in kisses to return the favor

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The vampires are cooing, swooning, absolutely simping for you

our little mortal is biting us so cute soc ute!!!!

get ready for never ending teasing and kissing

they point out the marks you leave and talk about how much better it would be if you were a vampire like them!

they fake terror over your bites, oh nooo a cute little human is biting me !! so so spooky !!

please let them bite you back

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Baron is short circuiting

ohmy oh oh my oh yomhyo-

thank you.

he has to process what just happened for a bit

tries to forget about it but he cant help but want another one when he gets a glimpse of your teeth when you talk or smile at him

stays up and imagines your mouth all over his skin leaving teeth marks everywhere

stayed up that night pumping his cock when he remembers you biting your lip that one time

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Caspian makes a big deal out of it

hes literally morticia in the addams family movie

last night you were unhinged, you were like some desperate howling demon, you frightened me

do it again

no please were are you going do it again!!!

"misbehaves" so you can bite him again as punishment

oops! i splashed you with water! you might have to bite me again~

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Hallow is yanking his fabric back and scolds you, what if you choked? he'd be worried sick!

gets you a chew fidget instead

doesnt quite understand love bites

please explain to him why eating him means you love him

maybe its because you think hes delicious? awwee thank you! youre delicious too i suppose !

coos over you as he holds you close, thank you for the bite honeypie!!

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Ashvan is squealing over how cute it was!!

blushes whenever you do, like very very flustered, his eyes might be covered by soft fur but you can almost see the redness on his face

his ears flatten as he tries to calm his frantically wagging tail

he gets much shyer whenever you smile at him or when you bite into your food during meals

he has to timidly ask for another bite with his index fingers touching together

please give him more biteys!!

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Axel tells you to bite harder

try it! hes tough! lets see how strong that jaw of yours is!

*frantically hiding his growing erection*

calls you little kitten or..rat

teases you by poking at your mouth with his finger to get you to bite

he loves it, he thinks its the cutest thing whenever you do it, especially when youre just subconsciously nibbling on him as if he was a chew toy

he makes sure his hands are always washed for you, no more touching dirty stuff carelessly, he gotta take care of himself for you!!

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King Alistair is pushing you away and coldly telling you no, but once you two are alone in your shared chambers, away from prying eyes, he softly tells you to continue

of course he loves you, he wants you to be free to express yourself, but please dont do it when people are watching

he has a reputation to uphold! not because he's shy and insecure about showing pda in public or anything...

bites back, definitely bites back!! out of all the ocs i think he bites the most next to Brandon

loves playing predator and prey whenever you two are fooling around together, if he ever leaves marks, hes kissing them softly to let you know he means no harm, he just got a bit carried away because youre just so sweet~!

if you leave marks, hes covering it up in his clothes, but occasionally he heads to he mirror, pulls away the fabric covering your lovebite, and smiles

argaragrgagrggrgargagrg

[pixieskie]

˖˚˳⊹"i really do love you.. im sorry"˖˚˳⊹

-warnings: Angst, depress!on, su!c!dal thoughts, detachment, scars, body dysmorphia, disassociation, not proofread, chubby reader. -chars mentioned: Scaramouche -wc: 0.6k -a/n: i dont even know what to say.. Um this is .. something.. enjoy?

masterlist

as someone who felt every emotion more intense than others, it also meant feeling more sad. it should've been fine but you simply couldn't feel happy.. you have friends and family but still felt so lonely..

“helloooo” scaramouche waved his hand infront of your face to get your attention.

Suddenly looking up, you see him frowning at you. “what’re you thinking so hard about.. do you not wanna watch the movie?”

“sorry.. i just spaced out” you said embarrassed.. “just continue the movie, ill pay attention this time”.. Scara simply muttered a small ‘fine’ and resumed it.

Scaramouche is your best friend, the one you share everything with. But.. he could never understand the depth of your emotions.. The void you feel inside.. The aching loneliness that consumes you at every moment.

“Yes lets go to the beach!! itll be perf....”

“ooh i just bought a new bikini…..”

“wont it be too sunny? ill get tanne….”

you drowned out their conversation and thought of excuses to skip… you had no other choice.. a bikini wouldn't cover your scars, stretch marks or tummy fat.. it would be on display for everyone to see your insecurities and then they'd hate you.

“guys im sorry but i have to study this weekend.. exams are close”

“again? but didnt you say the same last week…”

“oh come on! itll be so fun…”

“ugh she does the same everytime…”

Ofcourse they wouldn't understand.. They had the perfect body..

The words were blurred as you tried to read them.. Nothing made sense to you anymore.. Your exams were near and you have to study but the words together don't make sense anymore..

Sighing, you went to splash some water on your face to wake yourself up. Looking up into the mirror, you saw failure.. Someone who cant study.. Someone who wouldnt be able to make a living..

You sat back down at your desk.. You can study and change your future right? its just a book..

But.. you cant make yourself read the words anymore.. you felt so tired..

Why cant you also be like others?.. Everyone else is so successful and perfect.. They have good grades, perfect body and happy lives..

You sat on the edge of the roof.. This used to be your hang out spot with Scara but eventually you both stopped meeting there.

“where the fuc- YOURE HERE?” Scara dramatically sighed, huffing. “Ive been searching all over for you. Come on, ive made dinner.. you have to eat something”

You chucked softly at his caring nature and nodded silently.. “Scara?” he was about to leave but turned back to look at you “yeah?”

“I love you”

He chuckled in confusion “yeah yeah i get it, i love you too. no need to get all sentimental with me, its just dinner.”

You turned back to the sky once he left. He probably went to your kitchen to fill a plate for you..

You smiled at the thought. He was the best person you could've asked for..

And it hurts. He cared for you so much but you couldn't appreciate it..

Leaving never had to be this painful.. But a tear fell down and you closed your eyes, recounting your memories..

There were so many happy moments you never got to enjoy.. Sad moments you stayed numb.. And the huge gap in your memory.. and nobody knew how you felt because you never let them.

‘Im so tired… Im so tired..” You looked at your feet, dangling off the roof.. ‘i hate this .. i dont wanna do this.. but theres nothing else to be done’

You took a deep breath in.. “i really do love you.. im sorry”...

…..

tags: @rubywonu @stygianoir @unsavoy-melon @kashiiwi @babbledabble25

[kekisu]

a very popular headcanon people have (i Think its popular. at least a lot of my twitter mutuals agreed with me a while back) is that joker comes from inaba, and if youve played p4 you know that theres literally nothing to do there

so a big headcanon that i used to be obsessed with is that he would spend a lot of his days skateboarding or biking around listening to music and exploring old dirt roads.. and he ended up getting a special interest in bugs and reptiles because hed come across so many during his little solo adventures. hes also very well versed in fishing its not a fixation or anything but just something hes pretty good at

this is why i tend to draw joker like some sort of skater boy. i think hes always stood out a lot in this small town even before the false assault charge, like he wasnt disliked or bullied but he just didnt really fit in. and this didnt bother him. i think he only realized how boring his life was when he became a phantom thief and got all these new friends in this new big city that understood him despite the circumstances that led him here. like man i really used to live like that and see nothing wrong with it? i didnt yearn for more?

it makes it even more painful when he has to leave and they naturally drift apart. because they all have dreams and ambitions, and the best years of their lives are waiting for them around the corner. but joker is back in this small town where theres nothing to do but hang out in some food court or poke around in the woods. i imagine this newfound loneliness is really hard on him, not to mention the guilt for feeling like hes somehow to blame for. well, whatever happened with goro

to me personally i think goro lived. i think he mustered up the perseverance to bite and claw his way out of shidos palace after seeing that even someone like him has a chance at being loved, he just didnt really remember this in marukis reality because it was all a blur. so both goro and joker were completely clueless as to what his fate would be if they went back to their true reality, which is what was so scary. the uncertainty. he could very well be dead but how could they know for sure? i just dont like the thought of him dying before he could truly live, even though i understand the tragedy of it can be poetic, i just cant stand for him going out like that because i relate a lot to his struggles. and i think it would go against the overall positive message of p5r. sure not everybody gets to have a second chance or a happy ending, but. man. anyways

joker fully believes goro is dead though. he wouldnt be crazy to assume this considering how they parted ways in shidos palace. but it eats away at him and maybe he really does go crazy. maybe his life feels like its stuck in time and while his old friends are out chasing their dreams, hes stuck. broken and shattered over feeling like he couldve done something to save him, knowing jokers savior/martyr complex

im running out of steam and i didnt mean to ramble on about my post-p5r headcanons but, to wrap it up: goro is in rehab somewhere and has a service dog to help with his dissociation and mood swings. and a couple other stuff. he feels like if he walks back into jokers life itll mess something up like joker will just break down or something. so he keeps his distance until they cross paths again. im just very obsessed with the idea of goro getting his life together vs joker wanting so badly to chase that high of phantom thievery again but failing and being actually so depressed

man morgana must be exhausted

[urapunk]

(TW; mentions of self harm and vomiting.)

A Gary Smith writing that I made, and'll probably make more of.

People Dont Consider Me a Tradgedy And I Wish They Did

It's funny how alike he is to Petey. He's no different, he gnaws his nails quietly in class and listens to conversations around him because its embarrassing to start a conversation other than being the one spoken to. But thats a lie. He's just nervous and it tastes bittersweet and disgusting in his mouth like straight syrup.

But he cant even get better. He just cant. And so in the back of the ambulance with his snapped arm and new cuts from glass, he found himself crying. Crying for once. He's going to be fixed up and.. And well.. Sent away. Three months they said. Thats an entire summer. A summer in a looneyhouse and then its right back to the hell of bullworth if his grandpa decides to offer enough money. Those same faces. Those same, disgustingly familiar faces that he knows are staring. They're always looking, looking and looking and looking.

The EMT can see the cuts lacing his arms up and down until they get to his upper arm, because they feel even worse there and he doesnt hate himself so much as to make it sting even worse.

But he still does it. Theres atleast 12 cuts on his upper arm and they were all from really bad times. Times he's repressed and forgotten, times that make him want to rip his arm off and grow a new one, times that make him vomit from the anxiety of them happening again.

The lights are so bright in the roof of this death van. They hurt his eyes so bad, and he's sure his ankle is broken or wrist is shattered. He doesnt even know its his arm yet. Why didnt he just get Jimmy kicked out instead? Did he have to take over bullworth? Couldnt he just... Couldnt he just talk.

But he doesnt know how. He babbles like a small child when it comes to his stupid emotions because what are they. They all feel the same, his heart races, his face contorts, and thats it. Thats only how it feels and it will never feel different, and thats only the literal sense. They can either make him feel like hes driving a bumpy road or they can feel like his guts are spilling out so disgustingly in his lap.

It doesnt stop, and when they give him a therapist in happy volts itll still be the same. His therapist would ask him questions, like 'what caused this for you,' or 'why'd you do it?'...

'Why'd you do it?'

'Why'd you do it gary!'

And thats when he let out a loud, frustrated groan of pain.... He couldnt hear the sirens. Where had the sirens gone? Why couldnt he hesr the ambulance that he was in-?

He noticed he was wrong. He wasnt in it. He was now in a hospital bed, light beaming through the curtains and illuminated the cast on his right arm.

The cast. The cast that would restrict him. He was restricted now. Restriction is a bitter word. He doesn't like it because it specifically restricts him. Restrict, restrict, restrict.

It hit him that he had just woken up. He disnt remember falling asleep, maybe they out him out because he was writhing too much or- crying. Did he cry? Was he crying? He shouldnt have been crying. But nevermind that. He had obviously woken up from something frustrating him and he had no clue what it was. Maybe its best he doesnt remember.

It wasnt much longer in the day when he was checked into happy volts. He felt sluggish, and he quickly recognized the disgusting, stomach churning 'calm' of medication. His therapists all said the same things throughout those 3 months. Each time he was first meeting them he'd do a survey; with one question that stumped him every time, not matter how many times it was explained. 'Are panic attacks frequent? On a scale of one to 10, how bad do your attacks get?'

What is a panic attack. His therapists all just gave him the same answer, but he was searching for one that really set it up in him. He underatood it, a little, but it was like the knowledge of the ocean. It has fish and is very deep; it's emotional and very scary.

The thin mattress he slept on was annoying, and he couldnt tell if it made his slouch better or worse. He didnt have to wear one of those stupid gowns, they gave him a nice blue sweatshirt and white sweatpants with...

Grippy socks.

It made him want to die the amount of times he tried to slide down the hall only to remember, these arent normal socks. They have GRIP to them. He'd nearly fallen a less than safe amount of times. He couldnt even be childish, he had to be reduced to a 'calm' medicated zombie that felt sick all the time.

The clothes were comfortable though, the bed was.. Okay, but the showers were awful. He didnt feel clean. It never got hot enough to help him feel soft and fuzzy.

And it reminded him that he'd never wipe away the punches thrown at him over the years.

But that was for his therapist to hear, only because she was paid to. He's talk to his grandpa when he got home, but.. His grandpa wouldnt want to hear that. He wouldnt want to hear about how his grandson fought more than he should. That his grandsontried to take over the school and broke his arm in the process, that he fought ontop of bulworth academy and his last name would be slandered now. They shared nothing but the word Smith sometimes.

When he finally got out his grandpa had brought him clothes to change unto before leaving, a soft white tshirt and black cargo jeans, and a dark green jacket. He loved that jacket so much. It was like the perfect shade, the color that was the embodiment of gary! When he finally settled in the car he noticed his grandfather gripped the wheel angrily.

"So why'd you do it Fish?"

'Why'd you do it?'

'WHY'D YOU DO IT GARY!'

That made him wanna hurl. He couldnt stop thinking of Jimmy when anyone asked, but hearing it from his grandpa was sickening. Especially with the nickname he had aince a boy. He always loved aquariums and fish and all to do with fishing, so papa called him Fish, or just... Gary.

His grandpa was met with silence... And it did worry him. A little bit. But there wasnt room for worrying about gary now.

"Fish, tell me." He wasnt spitting venom out alongside his words, but more like a bittersweet syrupy medicine thats overly sweetened, the kind you'd take as a child and wanna throw up after.

"I dont know."

...

[queerlordsimon]

Tis the season of giving

Cw: y/n is ramshackle prefect, winter, cold, kissing, loving couple things, the works

An: merry christmas cattie, i know i organized this secret santa so it may seem cheap that i got you, but i swear it was the only way to make the organization make sense- so enjoyyyyy @hotchocolatefairy

It was the holidays again in Twisted Wonderland, and that meant Night Raven College was covered in snow again as well. Ramshackle dorm had yet to get heating inside, so y/n was just as cold inside as she was walking to the school, or anywhere else.

She had started traveling from her dorm to see her partner. Most of his dorm had stayed over the holidays for studying, and so had he. She stumbled through the cold breeze that brought more snow down on her, falling onto her knees a few times in the process. She shivered in the cold, but kept moving. 

Now her boyfriend had exited his dorm mirror to go get a few things from the school kitchen, when he spotted y/n in the courtyard. He blinked a moment, confused, before she fell to her knees again. He rushed over quickly, kneeling down next to her and wrapping an arm around her, helping her up. 

“Ja-mil-” she gasped softly in the cold air, looking up at his face lovingly. He looked at her softly, concerned.

“How did you end up all the way out here, my love?” he asked carefully, already walking her to the mirror room.

“I was-s coming to see y-you” she managed to say softly before another shiver passed through her. He trained his eyes on her, noticing she was still wearing what she was when he had visited a few days ago.

“How long have you been wearing those clothes?” y/n might have flushed if her face wasent already flushed from the cold as they entered the mirror room. 

“Grim-m managed to ruin-n all the other o-ones, so now this is all i have-e until C-Crowley gets b-back” she shivered again as Jamil took her hands softly, making her smiled softly. “Your hands are warm-m” Jamil smiled fondly in return and nodded.

“Youre about to be warm too, were heading into my dorm.” she nodded softly, as Jamil pulled her through the mirror, and y/n instantly felt warmer, still not fully warmed up but much better than she felt outside.

Scarabia had become a second home to y/n, her visiting whenever she had the chance whether it was to just see Jamil, or to study with him, or help him cook. Practically anything happened and she was over there, so she had many fond memories over there. So it felt natural for her to be there.

Jamil lead her into the dorm itself, and through the halls till they reached his room, as he opened the door and lead her in, moving the blanket on the nicely made bed out of the way and having her sit, before wrapping the blanket around her tightly, almost like he was swaddling a baby, and not that she fought it. He then went to his closet and pulled out a shirt for her, and his birthday jacket before setting it on the bed next to her.

“Im going to go make you some hot tea, change into these while im gone, alright? Itll help you warm up” she nodded carefully, smiling gently.

“Alright mil, thank you” she hummed, already warm enough her voice wasent shaking, and he nodded back, smiling softly before leaving and closing the door. 

While he was gone she changed into the clothes, and he was right, she already was feeling warmer. She looked around the room that was so familiar to her, smiling softly at the familiarity. As Jamil came back with a tray, a small pot of tea and two tea cups on it, along with some small treats, which he slid onto the lightstand next to the bed. He poured some of the tea into one of the tea cups, offering it to her, smiling softly at how warm she looked in his coat. 

“Here, drink up, its your favorite.” she smiled brightly at him.

“Thank you jami.” she look it carefully, sipping at it softly as he sat next to her on the bed, and she rested her head against his shoulder. “Youre too good to me.” he shook his head softly. 

“I cant have you getting hypothermia, now can i?” he hummed softly, looking at her gently. Before he thought and stood up again, making y/n raise an eyebrow. 

“Where are you going?” he smiled. 

“I have a surprise for you” he hummed, eliciting a curious look from y/n as he reached up on the shelf in his closet, pulling down a small box before bringing it back over to her, her putting her tea cup on the tray again. He handed it to her and she inspected the box carefully as he sat back down. “Open it, love” she nodded before opening it carefully.

Inside was this beautiful necklace, a round stone that looked like a galaxy with a single gold band around it hung from a gold chain, and y/ns eyes were astonished as she looked at it.

“Najma picked it up from at home, thinking youd like it, from everything ive told her about you since she met you last year. Do you like it?” 

“I love it, Jami. thank you” Jamil smiled softly.

“Good, cause some force took its energy to send you here from another galaxy, just so we could meet. And for that im so grateful.” y/n smiled gently.

“Im so grateful too love.” he smiled warmly and flushed softly, “can you help me put it on?” he nodded, y/n handing the necklace to him before turning away from him, moving her hair out of the way as he put the chain around her neck, clasping it carefully before she turned back to him, fingers going up to mess with the stone, as she looked above them, a small thing of mistletoe forming above them, making her look at it curiously. 

“Did you do that?” Jamil looked up, confused, before his eyes locked on the mistletoe as well, and he shook his head. 

“No- who could have-” he looked at the door, which he hadnt closed because his hands were full, and he sighed. “Kalim must have.” y/n smiled gently, leaning closer to him carefully. 

“Tis the season of love. “ she smiled mischiviously, making Jamil chuckled softly and shake his head. 

“No, thats true hearts day season. Tis the season of giving.” y/n giggled softly in return.

“Well then, give me a kiss.” Jamil laughed, before leaning in and kissing her, as she returned it. Before they broke apart, resting their foreheads against one another. “I love you Jami”

“I love you to, y/n”

--------

@secretfandonsanta

[simplygyuu]

Nouvelle Crown - 25 : Daisies (Youth)

synopsis : choi beomgyu, the second prince of the royal choi family doesnt have much of a life outside of his duties. even then hes not allowed to do much, his brother is the crown prince after all. but when he meets you, a regular commoner girl, through his brothers friend soobin he cant help but be intrigued. commoner life is so different from what he knows and you are the only person to treat him like the normal teenager he always longed to be. with you he gets to experience the normal, teenager life behind the backs of his overbearing family.

you and beomgyu had been dating for a few weeks now and your friends found you two absolutely insufferable. any chance you got you would hang out, beomgyu sneaking out way more than he should. but thankfully, things in his personal life were getting better. his parents were becoming more lenient (thanks to a whole lot of convincing from the princes and the queen).

today, for the first time, beomgyu was coming to meet you during the day! just you, not pretending to go to kais or any of the other tricks you two had been pulling just to see each other. he had begged and begged, promising to do lots of favors (he wouldnt tell you what they were) and promising to be good if there was any press. it took a while, but the king finally let him leave to meet you, strictly making a guard come with and wait outside of your house while beomgyu was inside. but beggars cant be choosers, so youll take what you can get.

so thats what led you to this moment, you rushing around your room to make sure everything is in order while nervously smoothing down your hair. your room isnt dirty after you cleaned it so well before he came but you still move stuff as if its going to do something. you cant help it, its his first time coming to a commoner home after all! not only do you want to make a good impression with your home, but youre also nervous because soobin has been very ominous and vague recently, saying beomgyu was planning something. now knowing your boyfriend it could easily be something silly that he thought was monumental just like the time he bought you something from the store.

"..this is what you were so nervous about?" you asked, taking the drink and candies beomgyu had bought you before looking up at him with furrowed brows. he looked so cute, hands held together and eyes anticipating something.

"of course it is!" he exclaimed in response, leaning closer to point at each object. "see i got you candy and a drink, just like the boys do in the dramas when they like someone."

you stared at him for a few seconds before bursting out laughing, hugging the gifts close to your chest as he stared at you with a confused look. "gyu.. gyu its just something in the movies silly. its not that big of a deal in real life... gosh you really have absolutely no dating experience." you giggle and his face instantly turns red out of embarrassment.

so when the doorbell rang and you ran downstairs to go answer the door, you kept telling yourself that it wont be much. itll just be beomgyu being silly again.

"yn! i missed you." was the first thing beomgyu said as he immediately wrapped his arms around you, pulling you close with a cute smile. behind him is a bodyguard, just blankly standing there. you return the hug, a bit unnerved by the bodyguard watching and beomgyu seems to notice. "lets.. go inside" you laugh a bit and bring him inside, slowly closing the door in case the bodyguard needed to come inside. he didnt.

beomgyu looked around your house curiously, he had never been inside a home so small before. yet he thought it was cute and small, something comfortable. it wasnt polished and shining like the castle was but he liked the knickknacks and things around the house. it felt lived in and like a home, feeling warm unlike the coldness of the castle.

"your home is so cute" beomgyu says, smiling before looking down at you. hes a bit awkward, cutely standing there and clasping his hands together in front of his body and standing straight. he looks almost out of place in your doorway, his clothes just a bit too fancy.

"im glad.. i was worried" you then take his clasped hands, pulling one away to hold his hand and bring him to your bedroom. he immediately locks your hands together and happily follows, almost like a puppy. his head whips around to take in the new scenery as he follows you.

you immediately lay down on your bed once you reach your room but beomgyu awkwardly stands by it, making you chuckle softly and pat the bed. so he hesitantly lays down beside you, eyes widening when you roll over to lay your head on his chest and rest an arm over him. his faces begins to flush red before he brings a hand up to run his fingers through your hair.

"honestly theres not a lot to do here but i thought we could watch a movie." you say, picking up the remote and glancing up to see if he agrees. hes looking down at you with a smile, looking absolutely enamored by you before nodding.

and thats how your movie marathon started. you and beomgyu cuddled up together on your small bed, watching whatever movie you took turns picking.

around the 2nd movie you glanced up at him and its like the wind got knocked out of you. beomgyu is just so beautiful. the tv would sparkle in his eyes and he just looked so cozy in the dim lighting of your room. his side profile was breathtaking and suddenly its like you were watching him instead of the movie. the small quirks of his face since he was just so expressive, eyebrows twitching and lips tilting up whenever something was remotely funny. then, you see his eyes slide over to look at you and a beautiful smile spreads across his face and he turns his head to look straight at you. now you were a weak, weak woman.. what were you supposed to do when such a pretty guy was looking at you like that, eyes sparkly and a breathtaking smile on his face.

you kiss him of course.

you wrap your arms around beomgyus neck, having to scoot further up the bed a bit awkwardly so the kiss is more comfortable which makes him giggle against your lips. his hands land on your waist, gently pulling to help you move up. you two get lost in each others lips, the movie playing in the background no longer being important as you relish in each others touch. by the time you break the kiss, pulling away beomgyus face is a bit flushed and his ears are red.

"cute" you cant help but say, watching in amusement as beomgyus face gets a darker red and he brings his hands up to cover his face.

"leave me alone.." he whines and you can imagine the pout hes hiding behind his hands. it makes you laugh happily, grabbing his wrists and pulling his hands away from his face to press a quick peck to his lips. he looks down at you with sparkly eyes, a fond smile on his blushing face. "if you keep doing this i wont give you the gift i planned.."

you perk up at the promise of a gift, sitting up straight with a smile. "you got me something? really?" you ask, smiling excitedly. you couldnt help it, it wasnt often that you were given gifts by anybody.

beomgyu smiled when he saw your excitement, nodding before reaching into his pocket to pull out a small box and hold it out to you. "here, i got this for you." as he places the box in your awaiting hands you can see the way he immediately stares up at your face to watch for your reaction.

you carefully open the box, pulling off the top to see a silver bracelet sitting inside. theres a pretty charm of a flower on it and you smile, gently taking the bracelet out to look at it closer.

"the flower is a daisy. i thought it was cute and.. well daisies usually represent youth and innocence and i got it because you let me experience my youth. its a little silly..." beomgyu softly explains as he nervously watches you look at the bracelet.

"i love it, it's beautiful. thank you gyu" you immediately say, your heart flutters as you continue to turn the bracelet around in your hands to see every bit of it. the way you resist the urge to squeal makes you feel like a middle schooler with a crush, the gift was just so thoughtful. "help me put it on?"

immediately beomgyu nods and takes the bracelet from your hands, having to lean close to you and squint as he wraps the bracelet around your wrist and clasps it together. once hes finished you both smile as you bring your arm up to look at the bracelet once more.

despite how he could be awkward and inexperienced at times, beomgyu was just the sweetest boyfriend. he seemed nervous to initiate any physical touch but you could easily dismiss it, its not like hes been around many touchy people in his life. but he did his best to make it up for you in the ways he knew how like with thoughtful gifts or sappy little speeches about how much he loves you.

you cant wait until the two of you are older. maybe there are some perks to him being the second prince, he wont be forever chained down to that castle after all.

--------------------------------------------------------------

previous masterlist

notes : andddd thats a wrap! im a bit disappointed in this au and what i did with it but its all in the past now and i didnt want to just abandon it and leave everyone hanging :) but thats it for nouvelle crown! i hope you all enjoyed it

reblogs and replies are really really appreciated and keep me motivated!

taglist (open) : @mazeinthemoon @pokyloky @run2seob @bluebearybeom @wonioml @rikismiel @yumilovesloona @captivq @soobin-chois @thisisnotjacinta @silvsie @sullystraw @luvsoobs @ddeonudepressions @woncheecks @ioszzn @dudufodd @jaeminanklelicker @strawbrinkofdeath @softcabur @luvsooby @ilovewonyo @kaewonie @fairy-of-sugar @itzxvaxella @il0vebeomgyu @angelbythewindow @gyuville @myknifeyourlife @sandhyaaa-aa @beomiebears @vocaloshin @streeete @silkenthusiasts

send an ask or a message if youd like to be added to my permanent taglist!

[heartbinn]

My darling I would love to read your take on this idea. Love ya 😘

SeungIN x MaleReader

I.n steals puppy's favourite hoodie and when seung goes looking for it (annoyed) Mn sells him out. Innie just wanted to be covered in his hyungs scent. You offer Seung you're favourite hoodie in exchange and he's finally happy again and gives you a shy kiss and mutters a thank you. I love the idea of Seung getting all giddy, shy, and fluffy when Mn offers his hoodie. Then he goes the chase innie down XD

"Where is it" "Very descriptive hyung" "You know what I'm talking about" "Wouldn't have a clue 🤷‍♂️" "My favourite hoodie?!" "Oh pfff innie is wearing it" "YOU TRAITOR!!"

Steal Stole Stolen

Seungmin + mreader + i.n

-warnings; /fluff/

-not proofread

A/n ajdhsjdndnxn finnnnnnnally getting to write this.... im sorry pookie im doing my job i swear!!!!!!

Also i kind of changed some things beacuse i needed a plot going sorry ml😔🙏

8pm, quite late for the members to still be at the studio. Channie would usually send them out before seven to have dinner.

But today, two members remained behind, Mn, who seemed to not be able to get the footwork right, and I.N, who was willing to stay behind with his boyfriend to teach him.

"No- no, Mnnie-" He laughed a little. "You're supposed to step back in and back out there.. okay.. hold on let me check"

Jeongin crouched near the mirror and started the chorus, the song playing loud, and Mn trying to get it right. He stopped at the middle of it though. "Ahh i can't do this.. my knees hurt"

"Ahh but i see where you dont get the beat" The other replied. "You just have to hear it out it's okay, you'll do it perfect overtime" Standing up, he walked over to Mn, pressing a small kiss at the corner of his lips. "Mhh i'll be back in a minute okay? I'll go shower, you stay Mnnie"

And with that, and of course, another peck, he was out the door, leaving the practice room. Mn really should shower too, but he likes to calm down first. He sat down near the mirror, sitting back against it.

Just some minutes later, the door opened again. Mn didn't pay much attention to it, thinking I.N came back and continued scrolling on his phone.

Thats when he heard a small huff. He looked up, catching a glimpse of his other boyfriend, who pouted his lips forward.

"Minnie?" He called out to him. "How come you came back? What's wrong?" Seungmin seemed to lift the pillows from the couch and put them back, looking behind any and every object and furniture.

"Where is itll.." The puppy was clearly annoyed.

"Where is what..?"

"You know what im talking about"

"No i dont..?"

"My hoodie.."

"And.. you're cold?" Mn questioned. "Or like.. i remember you taking it off but.. i think you brought it with yourself when leaving."

Minnie pouted his lips again, something to keep him distracted. "Im not cold.. i j's need it.."

"Uhmm which hoodie again? Cus i know i have the black and green one in my closet over at the dorm but.."

"Its the grey one.. with the chinese writing on the back" He replied. Ohhh yeah thats one of his favourites.

"Ohh that one, yeah Innie took it" Mn smirked, enjoying to sell him out for once. "He's showering right now though"

Seungmin groaned. "Oh my god so i have to wait for him?!" He sighed and sat down next to Mn.

"Calm down minnie, he should be back soon" Mn giggled and after a few minutes, he spoke again. "Do you want mine?"

Seungmin immidiately looked at him. "Your.. what?"

"My hoodie? You're cold no?" Mn watched and laughed as minnie kept looking at him, his cheeks slowly turning red.

He looked down, covering his cheeks. "I.. guess.." He muttered, watching as Mn immidiately took his hoodie off, handing it to him.

Minnie reached for it, his eyes glued to Mn's stomach which got slightly exposed when taking off the piece of fabric.

"T-thank you.. love" He muttered, leaning over and pressing a small kiss against his cheek.

"Aww not my lips?~" He cooed, enjoying the way Min's face kept turning into a darker shade of pink.

But of course, after muttering something to himself, he connected his lips to the others. Just for a few seconds, until he pulled back and buried his face deep in the hoodie.

He seemed to be drunk on it too, inhaling the scent and smiling, giggling like he just got a compliment.

It's rare to see him like this and so cute..

But the moment only lasted, until the door opened and innie stepped in, his hair slightly wet, while.. wearing the exact hoodie minnie was searching for...

"Oh hey minnie" i.n greeted, closing the door behind him.

Seungmin seemed not to lift his head from the hoodie.

"Innie, where is my hoodie.."

"Ah- um hyung-" his face turned red. "Um.. i don't know.. i didn't take it..."

"Mnnie told me you did though.."

"Ah- Mnnie!! You just backstabbed me like that?? You traitor!!" Innie acted dramatic as Seungmin seemed to finally lift his head, immidiately noticing his hoodie.

He stood up, chasing after jeongin who just ran out the door, not wanting to give the hoodie back.

Mn laughed, standing up and walking out. "Hey! Wait for me too!"

[whumpshaped]

I know you just wrote one but I would love another sickfic out of you! Maybe illness affecting the taste of the blood or something?

how abt a mild infection beck is deathly scared of.. (ive had that on my list and i think itll fit the bill but we'll see)

masterlist

tw gross infection, sickfic all the way through, conditioned whumpee, aftermath of punishment, emotional whump

Beck woke up to an immense amount of pain radiating from his neck. He groaned and tried to move in a way that would lessen it, only to find that turning his head at all was a monumental task. It hurt. The whole area felt... swollen... too warm.

Was it... was it infected?

He stumbled out of bed and into the bathroom, horrified to see the damage Helle had left him with. His neck looked disgusting. His skin was flushed starting from his face all the way down to his collarbones, and the bites were... leaking. He stepped away from the mirror and covered his mouth, trying to keep the nausea at bay.

This was bad. This was bad. This was bad.

He texted Christie with shaking hands about an 'infected dog bite', then tried to ignore her dumb joke about him being a chewtoy for more than one species. Should he go to a doctor? He should at least look up how to treat it at home. Was this the way he'd die? Not even from a direct attack or Helle's sadistic whims, but an infected wound?

No, first and foremost, he needed to clean it all out. He used a generous amount of water and his special antibacterial soap, scrubbing down the entire area despite his body's protests. Then came the ointment and the bandages, and he very quickly realised that his neck and shoulders were a very awkward place to try to patch up. Nonetheless, he persisted.

Would Helle be mad at him for not taking better care of the bites? They could still drink from his wrist! Right..?

He looked into the mirror again, relieved to see most of the gross parts covered. He lifted a hand to feel his cheeks, not too happy to find they felt warmer than usual. He probably knew way too much about infections, but even if he hadn't, the average person could deduce that a creeping fever was a bad sign.

Every medical paper he could find agreed that vampire bites were distinctly different from that of an animal's. First of all, there was no chance of them being rabid. Second of all, it rarely ever resulted in death, at least in patients who attempted to treat it. Well, he was definitely trying.

Still, a doctor's visit was in order. Not right now... not when he was still so tired... but after a quick nap, maybe.

Unfortunately for him, his pillow was full of stains, blood and... whatever that was, he stuff that was coming out of the infected bites. He really, honestly tried not to be too grossed out. He tried not to cry at the thought of having slept in that. He failed.

He needed to change his bedsheets right now, even if moving around was a fucking agonising ordeal. He needed clean sheets. He wasn't going to lie back down in fuckig filth.

By the time he was done cleaning up, his neck felt entirely stiff. Even moving his arms was a challenge, given that all the motions started from the shoulder muscles, the ones that were now in an incredible amount of pain. But maybe sleep would make it better. Surely, if he let the ointment work its magic, he would wake up feeling better. So he crawled under the blankets, exhausted and shivering, and prayed he wouldn't wake up to being bitten.

The pain was so much worse the second time around. The articles all warned about the dangers of venom in an infected wound, but Helle didn't use venom, and apparently no one had studied raw vampire bites. This wasn't a case of 'the patient might be inclined to leave the infected area untreated due to an altered state of mind, in which they respond positively to the pain that comes with it'. This was a case of pure 'I can barely lift my body to get out of bed, I cannot walk or drive like this'.

He just had to ride it out. Vampires didn't kill via infections. They didn't. He wasn't going to die. He was just... going to be in some pain, is all. He just had to whimper and whine his way through it, through the fever and nausea, through the debilitating fatigue and thirst. It would go away. It was going to go away.

The next time he woke up, the pain was a little less intense. It was more of a dull ache rather than an all-consuming, burning fire under his skin, and he took the chance to go change the bandages. The wounds looked... better. They weren't... healed, or even healthy by any means, but... better.

Soap. Ointment. Bandages.

He downed a bottle of water on his way back to the bedroom, and put a full bottle on the nightstand. The plastic clinked against the pile of jewellery that he still had there, and he froze. He needed to put those away, immediately. Where was the box his mother had them in? Oh god, he had no idea.

He walked back out into the living room, looking on every surface and in every drawer until he finally found it, hidden away nicely so Helle wouldn't question it. He quickly rushed back to the bedroom and threw all the silver in there, hardly caring about the necklances and bracelets getting tangled for now. He would untangle them before giving the box back.

He collapsed onto the mattress again and took a deep, calming breath. He had to stay up tonight, to ensure Helle wouldn't try to bite into bandages this time. He was pretty sure they would be pissed about it. He had to stay up and explain the situation, apologise, then offer his wrist as an alternative. He had to be polite about it. Respectful. Good.

Maybe they would be forgiving, if he was good. Maybe they would absolve him of the sin of causing a mess and getting sick from it.

Or maybe they would reprimand him further. Kill him off because they had no use for a disgusting, dirty bloodbag like him.

It was a coin toss. Beck could only hope.

~

taglist: @whumpsday @the-scrapegoat @hidden-dreamland @dismemberment-on-a-tuesday-night @delicateprincepaper @whumppmuhw @florissimps @nicolepascaline @oliversrarebooks @the-cyrulik @pirefyrelight @there-will-always-be-blood @pigeonwhumps @echo-goes-mmm @whumpycries

[meetthegofer]

🦀🦅💕😑💀 (esp interested in the last one considering game mechanics)

THANK YOU TORRANCE MY GOAT.. once again since this will be a little long its going under a readmore 🔥 thank you though this is a very fun selection

🦀- How did they handle realizing they were in love? Embarrassed? Nervous? Mad?

fossey was absolutely the more accepting of his feelings of the two in this regard; though they were definitely pretty nervous they tended to downplay it a lot, like "welllll... people get crushes on coworkers with all the time!! plus its not like anything's gonna come of it, so its fine for me to like him.. im sure ill get over it soon" <- that. generally just didnt register that they might have a chance At All and as a result didnt really catch themself reading too much into his words/actions because "well its not like he'd like me anyways! that would be wasting my time. i have a job to do, after all".

sniper on the other hand...

for him, the realization was like being hit in the face with a brick. not because he thought fossey was particularly undesirable in any way that would make him go "i cant believe i like THEM", but rather because he was still operating under the expectation of not really getting to know them or really form any relationship/attachment past just. general coworker amiability. it honestly made him panic a bit, because he wasnt sure if this would affect his performance in battle ["if i get hung up on something like that, itll be easier for me to get distracted and hurt more easily. or worse, ill underperform" <- that sorta thing] and again, he tries to consider himself as being somewhat divorced from feelings, at least on a professional level. of course, we know this to not be true [calls his parents regularly, shows genuine care to his teammates, etc etc] but well. hes stupid. <3.

🦅- How good are their friends at being wingmen? Do they even help at all or just sit back watching the pining with a bag of popcorn?

...you could not possibly have a worse ensemble of wingmen than the options laid out for these two. at the absolute least, fossey has the support of miss pauling, who reassures them about things when they feel down. however shes not really an active wingman? like she encourages fossey but doesnt ever actively try to vouch for fossey as a potential partner for sniper, mostly because fossey has asked her Not to [going back to the whole lack of perceived desirability they feel and all]. other than that, they havent really confided in their feelings to anyone else, mostly because they know theres literally no circumstance under which it would end without great humiliation.

sniper, on the other hand, tries to be discreet when asking for advice, but everyone kind of Knows who hes got his eyes set on. so when he tries to ask for help and is immediately met with a chorus of "ooooh so youre finally gonna ask out fossey?" hes like FUCK YOU and also how did you know [fake idgafer they saw you saying good morning!! when you dont do that for anyone else!!!!]. so i think he would get frustrated and then not ask for help again

that said i can definitely see a few of the mercs trying to take things into their own hands. scout makes stupid jokes to fossey about sniper ["yknow hes got a picture of ya in his camper, right?" "HE WANTS TO SHOOT ME?" "NO"], soldier probably tries giving him unsolicited advice that literally only worked because zhanna matches his freak so well, and medic breaks HIPAA in a strange way to try and bring them closer together. none of it ever works but theyre all quite content to watch the two of them very awkwardly dance around their feelings for one another and tease them about it [though mostly sniper. since fossey does a shockingly good job at hiding her side of things + they havent known her nearly as long]

💕- Who confessed first and how? Did it go as planned or did shenanigans ensue?

oh this ones fun. they both kinda confessed at different times, but the first one just... didnt work? going back to this question set, after fossey apologizes/confronts sniper about his avoidance, he Does confess his feelings, but does so in a more vague way that fossey absolutely Did Not Clock as romantic. unfortunately this ended with the most brutally unintentional friendzone known to man

its not as though All hope is lost, though. like i said, there were multiple "confessions", albeit fossey's was admittedly much more thought out in terms of like. the specifics.

see, they have a really bad habit of overworking [mostly because they lose track of time very easily, and their work is so repetitive its easy to get lost in the sauce. they arent a very intentional overachiever], and a lot of sleep problems. as such, it was bound to happen that they would one day fall asleep at their desk, having worked themself to exhaustion and not really noticing it until they'd woken up...

sniper notices fossey sleeping at their desk, hours after they were supposed to leave for the day [being a bit of an insomniac himself, he would sometimes just. walk around. everyone on the team is kind of a freak it makes sense to me. you know]. so he goes and wakes them up like "hey dude you were supposed to leave hours ago" and theyre like FUCK right ill be out of here in a second. however, before they can leave, sniper remembers that fossey usually Walks home. so he offers them a ride, because the idea of them walking home alone at like 2am greatly unsettles him. they agree, and since its only a 15/20 minute walk it ends up being a very short drive, spent in an admittedly comfortable silence between the two. maybe a longing glance or two is passed without the other noticing.

and just before fossey steps out of the van to go fuck off to their apartment building, without even thinking they lean over and give him a kiss on the cheek, then step out and wave goodbye like nothing happened. [its not until theyre actively closing the door to the apartment building behind them that they realize what theyve done. and by then theyre like FUCK]

sniper is obviously speechless, because just a couple months ago he got friendzoned and he was still wrestling with the fact that his feelings were only getting stronger with time. he just kind of sits there for a second before he realizes he probably looks crazy just sitting there in a van outside an apartment complex that is primarily home to like. old ladies. and on the drive back to his usual parking space for the camper hes just like Fuuuck work is gonna be so awkward tomorrow.

and the next day they do talk it out.. fossey stops by his camper and is like Heyyy so can we um 😅 talk about last night haha... and they give a verbal confession but end it with like "im not really expecting you to feel the same way but since you basically already know i figured id tell you..." and snipers just there like It is unbelievable how much i feel the same way. i imagine the conversation itself would be quite awkard/seemingly "anticlimactic" for the start of a relationship, sort of like [incoming maine moment] shimamitsu's first little stint as a couple in skip to loafer where they just very awkwardly are like "do you... wanna try going out?" after a rather embarrassingly sudden confession. but both of them are autistic and awkward so <3 love is love <3

😑- How easily do they get jealous and how do they handle it?

fossey is admittedly not very jealous at all LOL though this mostly comes from the fact that they dont place very high value in themself. so theyre like "? if he ever found someone else he'd just go for it man i dont think it'd be worthwhile to keep me around just to cheat". they also just arent really the possessive type, since they do actually trust him quite a bit in this regard and are very much of the "if you love something let it go" mindset. however in the context where i ship sniper with the other mercs theyre very chill with it. because fossey has the fujoshi spirit 👍

if they ever Would get jealous i think they would handle it well enough on their own, though. they tried exactly one [1] time to make a joke about sniper leaving for someone else and he was MORTIFIED so they were like Damn i probably shouldnt do that again that was a little mean.

sniper i think would probably be a little bit more jealous? it doesnt come up very much, but every once in a while someone gets just a liiittle too close or looks a liiittle too long and hes like ? You could back up a little bit!

he mostly keeps it to himself since fossey isn't and has never been the type to pursue or flirt with others even in a playful context, so when he Does get jealous its usually directed at the other party. i think early on he mightve gone to fossey about it first and when they got confused [because they didnt think the other person saw them that way + were absolutely NOT trying to go for them] he realized it didnt make much sense and didnt really bring it up like that again. not much reason to blame fossey for how others feel when they arent the one Inviting those feelings, yknow? at most he might be like "damn that guy would Not leave you alone" but even then it happens quite rarely, so its not something they really have to address more than like. once or twice a year. that said i Do think he might get a little more clingy without really noticing it... hugging a little more tightly or casually throwing an arm around their shoulders a little longer than usual.

💀- If the canon character is canonically dead, how did your OC handle their death? (Or did you completely omit their death cause fuck canon?)

this one is interesting, not just because of the game mechanics but also because of his canon [albeit temporary] comic death. when considering respawn compatibility + mechanics and the nature of the game, i think fossey is desensitized enough to how much violence occurs around these guys on a daily basis that the concept of sniper being hurt in this way doesnt really faze him any more than it does miss pauling or any other merc. like he knows he'll be back. its fine. though i do think in the back of his mind he sometimes worries that one day sniper might come back and not remember/not love/not care for him anymore, although this has yet to happen, and if scout's persistence with trying to court miss pauling is any proof, it likely never will.

his comic death, however, is a different story, primarily because it left him with some pretty permanent scars. fossey freaked out so fucking bad when they found out what happened [since they werent present for it] and they just like. almost couldnt really believe it? the desensitization to his death in the context of the gravel war + respawn machine and how it functions made them less cognizant of the idea that Hey he could still die for real one day. and that realization shook them pretty badly... if they were actually present for it i think they would genuinely be inconsolable for a while. but LUCKILY hes back 👍 insert i cant help myself "all clean!" image here

[crushedsweets]

it’s been a while back so i’m w more song analysis!! this is too long i’m warning u now. in fact this might not even be readable im so sorry it’s just. so much rambling 😭

when memories snow (more mitski mm also i got tickets for her tour and i will not shut up ab it!!! she’s so cool!!!!!!!) is incredibly tim coded. the very sinister chords at the chorus, really makes you *feel* him spiralling - and the LYRICS ugh very ‘i’m trying to ignore/suppress my memories but they keep coming back against my will’ slash ‘bottling up all my feelings and forging on with my work. pretending they don’t exist’

hate yourself by tv girl is very nina x kate (in the sense of kate watching nina destroy herself for a man who does not even like her) ough. ‘i think you’d fall in love with anyone who fell in love with you / and they frequently do’ BC KATE DID!! kate fell in love with her!! also ‘i’ll just wait til those arms belong to me’ is so subtly manipulative which is very. yeah. kate’s definitely not perfect and i wouldn’t put her above being like that if she really wanted to. + the deceptively happy instrumental with vaguely dark lyrics = nina being overly outgoing and social to make up for the fact that her mental state is in absolute shambles (poor bby)

the wolf by siamés is both tim and brian but i think leans more brian (what is it with this man that makes me think of ‘walking music’. ykwim? the chain, the wolf, house of the rising sun all remind me of him. all very slow-threatening-determined-walk songs) once again, driving beat, heavy bassline. (i play bass guitar so i love a song w an interesting bass part) i think shows resilience as well as grounding - imo he’s always been one of the more mature / level-headed creeps, to the point he’s very self aware. this man knows exactly what he’s doing at all times. ‘somewhere far away i can hear your call’ even in the future when he thinks he’s escaped from slender he knows deep down he’ll never be truly free…. yes ok

keep myself alive by get scared for jane. she’s so angry - AS SHE SHOULD BE and i feel it’s just a audible version of her rage. ‘i just wanna leave this place behind / everytime i see your face in mine’ because her and jeff have the same burned face thing going on…….. ough. she can never escape from the man who ruined her life. the guitar shifting from this melancholy, reverb-y tone in the verses to the loud distortion in the chorus reflecting her mood shifting from self-pity to raw anger

bonus: class of 2013 by mitski x toby

i should rlly make a playlist for each creep but i use musi not spotify 💔

- 🌙 anon

sorry for making u read all of this ❤️

anon. oh my god. i need you to know how often i think about this ask. and how guilty i feel knowing i shouldve responded forever ago but kept putting it off. im going to respond now with shame. thank you so much for your patience. my god

when memories snow for tim is soooo real. i associate him with a longing for life before slendy, while also repressing it cuz it hurts knowing itll never ever come back. going to bars, hanging out in his friends apartments, going to class, late night driving... "I shovel all those memories, clear the path to drive to the store" i think even the imagery of him shoveling snow out of a driveway gives off that sort of strong, cold idea of him. and 'drive to the store' obv being...proxy work... SO SAD

ALSO FUCK NINAKATE MENTION IM IN TEARS ok listen. theyre both really bad. and i super agree that kate might be a bit deceptive and manipulative (intentionally or not) cuz she wants nina to completely remove jeff and take his place (NOT HIS ROLE, just his place in ninas arms). also "how long will it take before you start to hate yourself and go straight to the arms of someone else" i think its undeniable that ninas obsession with romance is related to her own self image, and kate doesnt really like herself that much either. "im not saying that you love me, im not saying anything" OHH BUT SHE WANTS NINA SOOO BAD... man.

also im absolutely in love with how you take the sound itself into account, not just lyrics. the way you explain the wolf connecting to brians determination, reslience, and grounding presense is SOOO PERFECT and i can see it in the first few lyrics as well. the also "sneaking in the pain, every truth becomes lie / i wont trust myself once i hear your call" THATS TIM AND BRIAN COME ON GUYS DO YOU HEAR THIS

also i love keep myself alive. i heavily agree she has every right to be angry, and thats a core part of her character - rage, grief, strength. "to sleep i of course think i'm stronger now / to sleep i gotta catch myself" im crying. the sleep menton + she feels alone. she has a support system, a literal wife, but she still holds all of her grief on her own shoulders. who the fuck else can relate to being violently stalked for months, walking in on your parents being tortured together, being attacked, nearly burnt alive, then LOSING your parents? also "how could this dark cloud make me stronger now" i think a lot of people would have told her that her experience made her a survivor and made her strong and whatnot. but i dont think she feels that way. i think she feels like a victim, she feels tortured, she feels like that same little girl who'd sleep in her parents bed after a nightmare - but this isnt a nightmare she can wake up from. her parents bed burnt to ashes. there is relief in just letting yourself grieve and hurt - but she's so beyond focused on being strong. and it doesnt make sense to her. doesnt make sense how she can be strong after all of that . but she is, cuz she has to be

ALSO YES OH MY FUCKING GOD CLASS OF 2013 DFUCK FUCKFUCKF FIFJF FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCKKKKKKK i dont even need to explain why this gets me. yall already know. my god

[sadisthetic]

alarmingly long hanahaki au jaya. i hurt jay quite a bit in this. this is a product of 4 straight days of insanity. im SO ILL. ABOUT JAYA. IF YOU MAKE IT TO THE END OF THIS. I COMMEND YOU. THANK YOU FOR YOUR TIME IN ADVANCE.

once again adapted from a twitter thread. its. like 165 tweets long. yeah. yeah. im lazy so its gonna be mostly copy pasted and lightly edited so if it sounds like im talking to myself I WAS. AND I WAS DOING IT FOR FOUR DAYS. 

anyways heres the start.

-

so hanahaki.... jaya.... season 3...... jay is absolutely the guy who gets hanahaki theres absolutely no doubt about that like absolutely none. but the world building tho... how should i handle it.... i want it to be canon compliantish. and more importantly. when should i give him symptoms. what would be most interesting

sure. i could give him hanahaki after he find out about nyas perfect match. but haha

what if he get petals earlier tho.

he doesnt understand why at first, why jay starts coughing up petals, he and nya are dating and in love. there shouldnt be any reason for it. its not bad yet so he just ignores it really hard or thinks he mustve gotten a weird strain because theres now way he has normal hanahaki because theres No Way! haha

so when he hears the truth there in his parents trailer, the roots around his lungs constrict and he cant tell the pain apart from his heart breaking in two. his chest hurts so much and he sees cole and just goes ballistic

just imagine. what thats like for him. hes mad but its a secondary response to the heartbreak. hes had signs literally inside all along but to actually find out? like this? jay cant take it

haha. the double date would suck so much HAHA. he holds it in through the whole duration of the movie but when its over he vomits full flowers in the bathroom

ive been mulling over the worldbuilding of hanahaki in this au of mine. i thinking i want it to be a departure from the standard hanahaki worldbuilding thats in fics. just slightly. mostly regarding the fatality and maybe treatments........ i think i want jay to have hanahaki the whole time until skybound. and so i think im gonna have to make hanahaki nonlethal. but kinda like chronic pain. if you cant let go of that love

im partially adopting another fics worldbuilding but i like the idea you can recover on your own if you simply fall out of love. its easier and less damaging the earlier you give up on the love. the roots atrophy and fade and theres not that much scarring. you can easily recover

but you know...... its jay. hes not gonna let it go. he cant. he loves nya.... i think he hides his affliction tho... because he knows nya doesnt want to get back together. and he doesnt want to look you know.... pathetic? desperate? overly clingy?

“you still hasnt gotten over nya?” “dude come on.” “give it up.” he doesnt want to hear it from the others. because he doesnt want to. 

but also he wants to save face in front of nya. hes scared itll drive her even further away. his heart cant take more of that. this distance hurts enough

so for months.............. he suffers the pain of one sided love. quietly. pretending that nothing is wrong and that jay is okay with them just being friends. of course jay could choose to surgically remove the hanahaki.... but he doesnt want to do that

i think im gonna keep a bit of the amnesia worldbuilding standard fics have. but im not gonna have it so that artificially removing the hanahaki makes you forget the person you love. no.... just the love that you felt. i think jay doesnt want to lose his love for nya..... also not being able to fall in love with nya scares him. hes just that fucking attached to her. he has it bad man. dude has attachment issues. hes so clingy. 

anyways. jay chooses to suffer. because hes that badly in love

jay self medicates on over the counter cough suppressants thats meant for the cold and more normal sickness. works surprisingly well. not ideal tho. he also fills his pockets with cough drops and sometimes makes himself sick when he accidentally eats too much on bad days

he gets sick of them. the sweet icky taste and menthol nausea but he doesnt have that many better ways to deal. its just a temporary fix too. considering that coughing is his body's natural way to get rid of the petals. and hes just letting them sit in his lungs

periodically he has to stay hunched over a trashcan to clear out the petals and yes its an awful experience every time. it becomes routine. the petals scratch his throat on the way out and he gets into tea to soothe the irritation. he becomes a regular at mistake's

in general, his ability to breathe starts to decline and he gets winded so much more easily. the plants in his chest limit his airflow and also steals the oxygen from his lungs. his chest is tight always and aches like theres thick needles lodged in his chest. those are the roots

usually its manageable. but it becomes harder to fight. battles usually end up leaving him wheezing. one of the guys teases him about it. that hes slacking and getting out of shape. he sidesteps that convo tho and brushes them off. he certainly cant be honest

im a sadist so im gonna making him pass out after one fairly vigorous battle. one which he has to push himself harder to make it out alive. so hard that his lungs cant keep up with the rest of his body and even when he gets himself to a safe corner or clearing, no amount of breaths is enough and he just blacks out. he eventually comes to a worried face shaking him awake. ill figure out who and when this is set later. either way they just assume jay got knocked out even though they cant find any wounds. theyre relieved he seems fine

but that was very bad. super duper bad for jay tho. he cant let that happen again. but these kinds of things are out of his control tho. but he just has to deal.

things comes to a head in skybound. i think itll be most dramatic if nya finds out in the lighthouse. after she rescues them and they successfully flee. when they settle and in moment jay cant hide he coughs out a gross mass of petals

and nya has a slow step by step realization of the implications. but before all that happens tho. nadakhan. i dont think he knew jay had hanahaki when he first targeted him. maybe. this point might change

but as it is, for the thought i have, nadakhan learns when jays meds wears off, and hes not even able to pop in a cough drop his mouth. and he vomits a messy slurry of petals onto the wooden floorboards of the deck. its EXTREMELY FUNNY to nadakhan, he mocks jay for it! he has hanahaki! that is so tragic! to think jay has known his love was utterly unrequited and yet he tried so hard to win her back. but it was all a hopeless, desperate, pathetic endeavor. so nya truly doesnt love jay, hm? so shes single and free for the taking. no hard feelings, then, when they marry

up on the ship, he coughs up so many flowers. he doesnt get enough sleep from the persistent coughing. and passes out multiple times, for a collection of reasons. from being knocked out, exhaustion, apnea, running out of breath after several matches of scrap n tap

i think it would be really sad and pathetic if there one incident where he chokes on a flower. and he cant cough it out and he thinks gonna die for reals. a pirate helps him out only to add insult to injury (and to torment him more to pull a wish out of him, hes better off alive than dead)

when hes rescued by his friends, theres no flowers around so none of his friends suspect. jay manages to keep the petals in his mouth, catching them behind his teeth, and swallows them back in. he coughs pretty bad but they all think he just got really sick. he looks awful after all

but thats of course only up until the lighthouse. ive been contemplating about how nya handles it all...... how she feels......... what is the most satisfying route here is much more trickier to figure out than just a fixit skybound au....... 

feelings are trickier and much more loaded........ the revelation certainly isnt going to be an easy thing for nya to swallow..... but lighthouse talk has so much potential....... jay might be honest for once..... because he has to be.... forced to be!

ngl lighthouse part of skybound has been super elevated in my head by favorite skybound fic so my perceptions of it and my own take on it for this au is probably going to be influenced by that. not in the sense im copying scenes but in the sense of like. oh yeah writer IS right, lighthouse ep TOTALLY has the massive potential for big feels and honesty. and revealing trauma/hurt feels. anyways. let me talk a bit about nya and the little dilemma i have.....

so like...... nyas part in the story is so tricky to handle.... because she entirely determines the ending of this story. much more so than in the original canon.....

because the crux of this story is the love between nya and jay... the lack of thereof from nya and the undying love from jay. hanahaki. unrequited love. the story is not just about jay making mistakes and being flawed as a person and being tested as a person and learning and growing his mistakes

in this au, the focus is specifically on his love for nya and how hes willing to hang onto it for so long despite how much it literally hurts him. love hurts. its barely even worth it. but to jay it is. this story is driven by his love. however how it ends all depends on nya.....

and heres the thing.... i know the way the "romance" in skybound was resolved was..... whats the word..... forced? it was insufficiently developed.... i cant recall the exact word i wanna use but it was just. tacked on. nyas change of heart kinda came out of nowhere....

nyas line in the lighthouse before she pushed jay through the portal is honestly inconsistent with her characterization that season up to the point. shes really didnt seem like she loved jay back at all. its entirely because the writers didnt write in those feelings

it takes a bit of creative thinking and interpretation to make jays and nyas get together at the end of the season work. you have to fill in the gaps of the romance yourself if you want it and want it to make sense and have it be satisfying

what i do for my fix it interpretation of canon is that nya didnt actually stop loving jay entirely in s3 breakup arc. instead i choose to think is that nyas desire for independence simply grew stronger enough to eclipse her love for jay

also i like to think nya liked jay more casually than he loves her so it was easier to break off their relationship. if youve seen my dream divorce ot3 slowburn get together break up get together fic (concept) (that only exactly two people know what im talking about). and also string of fate au. ESPECIALLY IN STRING OF FATE AU. then you know. my take on them. ANYWAYS.

the problem i have for this au is that i cant do that. i cant use that same interpretation to have them get together again. it doesnt work. because in this au.........nya really did fall out of love for jay. and having them get together again just like canon isnt.......satisfying

its tricky..... because to make nya fall in love with jay now after she learns he has hanahaki..... if im not careful ill be doing the same thing that the writers are doing. writing a careless romance solely because i want them to be together

and i DO want them to be together again.... but it requires a considerate approach if i really do want it. here..... the situation is this..... nya finds out jays has truly been in love with her for months STILL. and its bad enough he got hanahaki. i think she might feel uncomfortable about that. its unwanted love you know? being the object of someones desires still after you long broke up with them. she has moved on but jay hasnt? its super awkward for her...... but also...............

jay knows that. nya isnt stupid. she realizes that jay knows that and thats exactly why he kept it from her in the first place....... shes also uncomfortable because... jay is suffering because of her. she broke it off with him but its not like she doesnt care about jay 

no she still does. jay is still someone important to her. hes not just some ex. hes still a friend.... and her heart aches seeing jay suffer. her heart twists realizing that jay has been suffering this whole time on his own and she had no idea.

and it was out of consideration for her. its not entirely her fault jay has hanahaki..... but also she does feel a little bit responsible. sure jay messed up a lot recently and all of it is because he wanted to get back together with her and she doesnt like that.... but also..

learning about it put some things into perspective for her. like shes uncomfortable but jay has been hurt and is genuinely hurting still and she doesnt want to hurt him more and she wants to be gentle. so she starts thinking first. before she proceeds to deal with feelings

and so she starts really thinking about it. she was mad. she was mad jay kept so many secrets from them and endangered them all. and that he was STILL attached to her after all this time. shes still a little mad about that but also its subsiding a bit now....

if she really thinks about it.... jay had been respecting their break and her boundaries up until recently. in fact she only found out now, months later. jay actually did do a pretty good job of hiding those feelings. and not only that... his hanahaki.

that. she doesnt fucking understand how jay kept that a secret. ITS HANAHAKI. HOW DID HE HIDE IT FROM EVERYONE. ITS THE MOST VISIBLE DISEASE. maybe she did notice jay smothering a cough or clearing his throat every so often but to think it was hanahaki this entire time......

....when did it start even...? she can only assume that it was around their breakup. they eventually have a talk. a really important one that jay cant run away from. it takes a bit for jay to be fully honest and tell her that he started spitting petals when they were still together

she becomes mortified by that fact. and what that means. and she gains a bit of perspective of how the perfect match debacle looked from jays perspective. she really was.... a terrible girlfriend during all that huh.... to nya it felt like a clean break..... but to jay.... it left him pretty raw. 

it didnt hit nya until know how much jay was hurt by the breakup even without considering the hanahaki. jay still loves her despite her cheating on him and making him fight over her because she couldnt decide? it seems that jay doesnt even care about that. doesnt even think she was a terrible girlfriend at the end of their relationship when she very much was. something is deeply wrong with jay (he loves her too much). jay hadnt been the best...... he had been really selfish and self centered. esp with the whole wish thing

but she comes to a realization that she was being really self centered too. its unfair for her to criticize jay for that when the very beginning of it all was because of nyas own selfishness. its unfair for jay to break up over something so stupid like a match making machine

of course part of it was still on jay. he should have still let go. you cant have a relationship in which only one person is in love. but.... she couldve gone about it in a better way. a way that wouldnt have hurt jay so much at the very least

he has apologized for everything involving nadakhan and keeping secrets.... maybe taking on more blame than he should.... nya owes jay an apology too. so at the very least she gives him a proper one. for her own faults

but she doesnt know how to fix jays hanahaki tho...... and to be honest? neither does jay. he tells her this. despite everything he didnt want to force her to love him. he didnt want to guilt her back into a relationship. he didnt want her to give him her pity also

thats part of the reason why he kept it a secret. he wanted to *win* her back. make himself more appealing so that nya would love him again. jay was super misguided in his approach and didnt understand why exactly nya broke up with him in the first place

but thats what he wanted... nyas genuine love. (im ignoring a tiny chip of canon for this. or im considering it a moment of weakness (jays dismay when he learns he cant wish for love). creative interpretation is that seeing his future in the mirror made him too hopeful and a bit desperate) anyways. jay is a hopeless romantic. who is extremely lovelorn. also hes chronically ill like literally. cut him a little slack

anyways anyways. i dont want nya to just get back together with him right after finding out about his hanahaki. its bad romance. it wont taste good. it wont be genuine......... 

as it is...... of course theres multiple options................ but they arent all happy. and i do feel like. a story like this does need a happy ending..... it would be too sad if it remains unresolved. im just gonna talk about the ends that kinda suck first

most unsatisfying but technically still very plausible end: a standstill. nya cant do anything to help. she wants to but she cant return jays love. jay understands but decides keep living with the hanahaki. the two of them keep living in this awkward status quo, knowing.

eventually jays hanahaki gets too much for him to handle and he either dies or nya/the others take matters into their own hands and without his consent, send him to surgery bc hes dying. unethical maybe but they want him to live

its super awkward after that.... but things return to normal and they all forget about it except for nya, where it lays heavy in her mind forever. if he dies its just tragedy. i dont want this kinda of end

a potential good neutral end however can be one in which jay tries his best to simply move on. try to process his one sided love into something... different somehow. because he accepts that nya has fallen out of love with him. he has long accepted that.

but they talk........... and a lot happens (being pushed into the portal, the rest of skybound). and jay has a realization too. nya may not love him in the same way.... it doesnt mean she doesnt love him. she still cares deeply.....

she cares about him a lot as a friend. that love is still worth something. its..... its more than what jay thought nya felt about him. it honestly felt like their relationship get demoted all the way down back to acquaintances, at best coworkers. not technically. they were still friends. but jay felt a yawning distance between them after the break up. its one part nya distancing herself from jay after that whole disaster. its also another part jay keeping his distance so that nya doesnt learn about his hanahaki

whatever talk between them was either just ninja business, surface level casual conversations, or small talk. it was awkward but only when they dwelled on it... (and jay did dwell on it) but in the lighthouse they actually talk Talked about things... about them. and jay learns

nya sacrifices herself to save jay in the lighthouse and he realizes that he still matters to her. the everpresent tightness in his chest doesnt leave but it.... loosens. and he breathes easier for the first time in a while

he still wishes that nya and him could get together romantically. but something about his feelings changes. he feels less lovelorn somehow. his heart still yearns a little. but somehow he feels more okay. he hurts less

and once time turns back and jay and nya share this secret and finally properly reconcile after everything is done. the pain in his chest abates more and more as time goes on. hes not sure if hes exactly cured. but he can live without hurting now somehow

he learns how to live with his unrequited love. and more importantly he doesnt need his love to be requited anymore. because love is love you know? she doesnt love him romantically but she does still love him. and thats still good

they were always a little mismatched in their feelings for each other anyways. jay isnt settling for lesser. nyas love for him now is just different not less. and jay accepts that. and hes content that they managed to fix them. their relationship. hes okay and happy

his own feelings... he doesnt know if they changed themselves also like nyas has. he doesnt feel like his love has changed. but the nature of it mightve become more ambiguous. and it doesnt matter anyways. he loves nya and that will never change

hmmmm i think this became less of a neutral end and more just an unrequited good end. and accidentally poured so much aro juice into it oh my god? i had a good requited end thought up kinda also before this end i just talked about the end first bc i wanted to talk about requited end last

i kinda came to really like good unrequited end........ im still gonna talk about good requited end tho. i kinda want opinions about which end is narratively the best..... even though i only have a confident audience of two

i think requited end is a bit more dramatic..... nya really doesnt know what to do. she broke it off with jay. she wants to fix him. she really wishes he didnt get hanahaki for *her* of all people....

whats so great about her anyways that he would live like this for months on end be just ok with it. she thinks if she was in jays shoes she would long moved on. she doesnt get what is worth the pain and risk

either way she doesnt want to date him out of pity. she distinctly has a feeling that wouldnt actually fix anything. and probably jay doesnt want that too. but also she cant fabricate love

she feels suffocated by just the prospect and it reminds nya about why she dumped jay in the first place. this whole thing reminds nya why she dumped him. jays love was always too much for her. smothering. of course he gets hanahaki. why is she even surprised. if anyone would, its jay. she doesnt want to resent him for it though. hes hurting because of it. and he spared it from nya up to this point and she only found out because jay couldnt help it. who knows how much longer he wouldve kept this secret

but as is. she doesnt know what to do. so they stay in the lighthouse awkwardly together. they were honest with each other but now what? .....actually. curing hanahaki can come later. they gotta focus on saving their friends and all of ninjago first before they can deal with them

HHMMMMMMMM....... i think despite knowing about how much jay love her.... she doesnt really... Get It. HOW he loves her i mean. quantity vs quality. when they were first dating, to her it was really casual. in my mind jay was first attracted to nya shallowly too

but then he fell deeper. more genuinely. and that contributed to a greater discrepancy between their level of affection. nya for the most part has been believing that jays obsession with her is because hes just too clingy and attached. and like he is. but.... its like the product of the intensity of the emotion you know? his love for her manifested in jay in a way that put nya off a little. contributed to the reason why nya dumped him all those months ago.... having a heart to heart gave her some perspective on what it has been like for jay but

thats different from Understanding you know? comprehending... seeing the depth... anyways... so jay had been acting too chivalrous up to that point right? and then nya learns about jays hanahaki and chalks up his behavior to him overcompensating...... a symptom even

nya thinks its just jay trying his best to win her back. she doesnt really have that many reasons to think otherwise. its whats consistent. this all happened because jay wanted them to get together again. whatever, she has decided that shes going to forgive jay for all that, needless acts of chivalry included. even tho. she really doesnt like that. calls it a force of habit and puts it aside. for more Important Things like taking care of jay and taking nadakhan Down

but then they get found and theyre scrambling fast to prepare for the attack and counterattack. they manage to fall into a frantic but familiar routine of collaborative repairs and fixes and asides from jays incessant coughing reminding nya that things are pretty awful.... its nice

she doesnt get to feel that way for long tho. their haven is raided and their prep wasnt enough, theyre struggling, theres way too many pirates and its just the two of them against what feels like an army and theyre on the way to losing and nadakhan is nowhere to be found

they try to stick together to have each others backs but they get separated anyways and they start doing even worse. im changing up the action scene btw. nya manages sweep a bunch of pirates away but doubloon is one of the ones that could actually put up a fight

meanwhile jay isnt fairing very well and maybe worse because he was already injured and also his hanahaki makes it really hard. he fights for his breath trying to hold his own. he gets fucking smashed by dogshank through the floor onto the stairwell below. all the air is knocked from him

and he legitimately cant breathe for a solid moment. hes wheezing and he coughs hard enough to vomit. he doesnt have his breath back when he looks up and sees nya panicking at the sight of him and shes distracted and jay sees doubloon take an opening

jay doesnt even breathe when he instantly fires a lightning bolt from prone towards doubloon. and hes already up and sprinting to nyas side to fill her blindspot.

hes on the cusp of an asthma attack, he can feel it, but he doesnt have the time to worry about it (as if he had any control over it) his chest is tight and his breaths are too shallow and it hurts but he pushes through it to protect nya. hes slipping though

assaulted from all sides, between doubloon and dogshank and all the pirates, jay knows theyre going to lose. mostly because of him. hes dragging the two of them down and why did he ever think the two of them had the chance and why did he ever think that nadakhan would even come (hes not gonna this turned into a full divergence now) and even if he wasnt flagging hard now, he can feel it his chest that hes going to pass out if this goes on for any longer and leave nya to fend for himself and get them both captured and he cant let that happen.

nya is at her wits fucking end she can feel them losing too and nya refuses to think about how at this rate both of them are going down, but she wont let them. but, among the harsh clangs of weapons, the rush of floods, and the cracks of lightning at jays fingertips,

through all this discord, at this proximity she can hear jays struggled breaths and its the most terrifying sound in the world. then suddenly shes shoved to the side and hears a crash and a cry and when nya looks jays sliced through by doubloons sword

then something glows by her feet and nya realizes what jay did. he broke the teapot. clutching at his wound, jay gives nya a strained smile. he says "sorry" and kicks her in before she can object. before the portal closes she watches jay take a stand only to be subdued

she lands in the junkyard with a bad tumble. she just lies in the dust and dirt in shock. it happened too fast. jay sacrificed himself for her? jay risked himself even though he was the one who needed protecting and got himself hurt to pull that stunt.

and now hes in their clutches again. rage begins to well up. why! why?! why did jay do that?! is he stupid! there had to be a better way, they couldve escaped together and regrouped! tears begin to well up as well. nya gets up and smashes a bunch of junk

jays parents come out after that. and nya realizes where she is for the first time and forces herself to calm down. she sorts out her feelings over ednas soup after shes pulled into the trailer..... 

at first she doesnt get it. shes too upset to think about it. she vents to jays parents about what he did. "why did he do that?" and it was meant to be a rhetorical question for herself but edna gives her an answer thats way too simple.

"because he loves you." 

and nya is hit with another rude realization. shes been having too many of those

jay..... loves her. deeply. truly loves her genuinely, more than he cares about himself. its not just lingering attachment. its a deeper, more sincere love than nya could ever fathomed. nya knew how much jay loved her. but at the same time she didnt. she didnt get how he loved her

she feels a way about that. all this time jay loved her this bad? bad enough to catch hanahaki, bad enough to keep his hanahaki, bad enough to hide it. bad enough to *wish* for her love, to suffer, ang to get hurt for her...

she thinks he loves her bad enough to die for her. she really feels a way about that. her heart starts beating fast. she doesnt want to put together why. she kinda wants to cry.

why was she so mean to him... sometimes he deserved the little things he had coming but why was she so harsh. why did she fall out of love with him..... well she knows but also.... she was really unfair to him huh. jay wasnt perfect and he was too much but... she doesnt know.

all she knows is she feels a lot of regrets right now.. and moved by jay what did for her... along with this third unplaceable feeling. 

(she started falling in love again)

its a slow gradual thing tho. nya doesnt place it immediately. she doesnt think she wanted to after she broke up with him herself. didnt even think it was possible.

but eventually nya feels very embarrassed by it when she realizes. because 1) oh my god shes falling in love with him after falling out of love and dumping him? is she shameless? and also 2) flustered because shes For Reals in love this time now beyond the casual kind of love she held for him before. this realizaton doesnt happen anytime soon. probs a good amount of time after everything resolves

so for narrative purposes i swapped jays and nyas roles for this last part of the story only. i think its safe to say jay is not treated kindly when he reboards the ship. in fact i think theyre even crueler for letting nya get away. before he was just roughed up to play with him

a form of coercion to get him to make his last wish. this time theyre taking it out on jay as punishment. nya assembles a rescue party like jay does in canon and somehow rescues jay and she hates the state that she finds him hes in

i think he'll be easier to rescue than nya because hes not like.... nadakhans bride. but wait..... WAIT NO IT COULD HARDER BECAUSE THEY COULD SET HIM UP AS BAIT FOR NYA TO COME GET HIM.... FUCK CURSE MY WHUMP DRIVEN BRAIN!!!!!!!!!! ITLL BE SO MUCH HARDER TO GET HIM LIKE THIS BUT— 

THE IMAGE OF JAY BEING TIED/STRUNG UP IN PLAIN VIEW.... fuck. figuring it out is too hard and i dont even need to figure it out for the romance do i like goddammit. fucking sequencing..... maybe they get their friends out of the sword first.... somehow.

as for how they beat nadakhan..... i havent thought up a good way. i dont think it should go the same way as canon. i want nya to actually have her agency and not take it away again after ive given it to her. 

i however dont know what jays wish should be. thats like so hard to figure out. this end is a significance divergence from canon. oh also jay has been thoroughly gagged so he cant say his wish. and also maybe because the pirates got sick of his coughing. nadakhans goal for torturing jay has changed.

he doesnt want him to break and submit and wish himself away anymore. he has better use in making sure nya comes to him. well he can still break him. its extra motivation. an incentive for nya to be a bit more faster and careless in her desperation to save him. he just shuts jay up also.

also im a sadist. anyways back to defeating nadakhan.... its a little tough ngl! for me and for nya! because this story has diverged so considerably. it cant have the same climax as canon. it just doesnt work. not even when theyre roleswapped

nya cant make a wish. she doesnt have anymore wishes. or hmm maybe she does have one left like jay does in this timeline but i dunno.... technically i could do that bc nya used up her wishes in only stupid ways so its not that hard of a change. 

it changes their game plan in the lighthouse just a bit but in this version nadakhan doesnt even show up so story wise its a nonfactor. they both couldve made a wish and stopped things. but they dont get the chance to do that.

but either way nya having a wish is an option, not something thats set in stone. also i think nya gets a hold of the venom. either jay had passed it to her when he pushed her into the portal or it stayed on his person and was confiscated and nya obtained it because clancee told her about it. which ever works. man is jay doing rough in this au. hes suffering so many consequences....i think as hes bound and helpless, hes gonna have a lot of thoughts... and a lot of regrets

he wishes he never kept secrets, he wishes he didnt make things worse.... i think he wishes nya doesnt come and rescue him. because if she does and she gets captured and nadakhan marries her for infinite wishes then itll all be his fault. again. because nya risked herself for him

so jay hopes nya doesnt come. he wants her to be safe even if it means hes forever captured. its better than the worst case scenario. 

but a tiny tiny tiny part of jay that is wishful does hope that he is rescued. because hes weak. he selfishly wants nya to save him

he shouldve learned by now that his desire for nya doesnt do him any good. but the part thats terrible and in love still wishes for better. he wants to be saved. he wants to be forgiven. he wants to fix things. he doesnt want to hurt anymore.

he thinks he can accept nya never loving him again. but he wants to stop aching in his chest. but he cant let go of his love. at this point its a part of who he is. so even though hes resigned to suffer and part of him foolishly hopes. he wishes

but jay doesnt get it. nya HAS forgiven him. she wishes she has never hurt jay like she did and if she could she would take it back. shes determined to fix things one way or any other. she has to save him or shes the worst. jay never deserved *all* of this.

once she saves him shes going to fix them. somehow.

and somehow they do. with a wish i cannot fucking figure out so SPARE ME. but i think... they dont go back in time. things arent undone and theres damage everywhere. so much repairs to be done. and theres a start to everything

i think i forgot to mention but at the end of unrequited good end, which honestly i think friendship end is a more fitting name, jay and nya hug at the end of skybound when time rolls back. no kiss. i think the same happens at the end of requited end too. time doesnt roll back but they have moment... hug.. but still no kiss. not yet. nya hasnt realized her feelings are changing. actually she might it takes a bit for them to develop. jay and nya start having a very honest relationship with each other tho

nya doesnt want to ignore jays hanahaki and jay comes to a similar conclusion as friendship/unrequited end. he realizes nya still cares for him A Lot as a friend, she cared so much she risked everything to walk into nadakhans trap guns blazin. and he doesnt want to jeopardize their friendship by distancing himself.

he wants things to be normal between them despite his hanahaki. and the funny thing is that... in this end, jays hanahaki gets somewhat more manageable too.... but its for a different reason in this au. lol. lol. because his feelings are becoming requited.

his hanahaki isnt suddenly gone one day because nyas feelings are so ambiguous tho. and when she does finally realize that shes fallen for jay. she actually goes into a bit of denial. for a mix of reasons. 

its not because nya doesnt want to cure jay of his hanahaki. she just didnt think thats a thing that can happen. falling in love again. she was also so very sure that she didnt have feelings for jay anymore before so its also a pride thing she has going on. subconsciously, she doesnt want to take things back because shes stubborn.

and its also one part nya feeling like shes doing jay a little bit dirty somehow (her brain making her overthink in a twisted way) and that she wouldve been toying with jays feelings if she returns them now. after all this time has passed.

is she that fickle? (its not her being fickle) and nya cant quite place why she has feelings for jay again. nya feels like jay probably deserves someone better than her, someone who hasnt hurt him so bad.

nya has trouble understanding herself so she thinks shes being flaky and worries her feelings are flaky also and she doesnt want to hurt jay again with such uncertain feelings. i am making nya feel so fucking complicated and conflicted. FEELINGS ARE OFTEN AS SUCH!!!

but despite nya's internal turmoil, her feelings for jay are very genuine. she might think they are arbitrary but thats not quite the case. well her love is arbitrary as any other love is. but anyways. she fell again because jay did win her over, not even when he was trying to.

his sincere love... his dedication. when nya saw it in a different light it was attractive to her. she appreciates that jay loves her the way he does now. also before (the breakup) her love for jay was a bit shallow. it was just that casual. but now what she feels for jay is more genuine. and more equal. eventually she sorts it out. there might be some of romantic drama to get her to get there though. a bit more accidental hurt.

i had the tangential thought that jay might tell nya that his hanahaki is getting better causing her to go "on no". jays finally letting go of his feelings over for her and nya doesnt want to mess that up. hes finally recovering when she catching feelings again?

of course this would happen to her. shes glad but shes wistful she missed her chance at having a boyfriend who truly cares about her like jay does.... serves her right. .... nya is an idiot lol... jays is getting better bc of her skdjhtrglksdj. anyways

eventually... they talk. and sort it all out. all the hurt and feelings and love. nya opens up and confesses and jay cries about it lol. because this is all he had ever wanted ever since he fell in love with nya. the elation he feels is unparalleled. and tightness in his chest finally vanishes all together and he feels better than he has in ages. of course he says yes. he tells nya things to erase her doubts. and it took a lot of trouble to get here but theyre here now. together again for reals. and neither of them can believe it. 

they hold hands. and they finally kiss

-

I THINK. THATS THE END OF REQUITED END. WOULD YOU BELIEVE THAT MY THOUGHTS FOR THIS END WERE INITIALLY MUCH SHORTER, SHORTER THAN, UNREQUITED/FRIENDSHIP END? ON GOD. WHAT HAPPENED. ITS BECAUSE I FELT LIKE REQUITED END REALLY NEEDED FULLY BEAT OUT DEVELOPMENT. OR ELSE I COULDNT BE SATISFIED WITH IT. IM A LITTLE EMBARRASSED BY WHAT I CAME UP WITH FEELS KINDA SAPPY BUT I CANT TELL IF IT IS. IM ARO. THIS ISNT MY HOME TURF. BUT I WANTED REQUITED END TO BE ACTUALLY VIABLE WITHOUT FEELING FORCED.... I WANTED TO BE AS SATISFIED WITH THIS AS I AM FOR UNREQUITED END. AND ENDED UP NEEDING TO PUT IN 100 TIMES THE WORK SDJKTUFHIGTLSDKJ. I THINK I ACCOMPLISHED WHAT I WANTED THO...... I THINK ITS OKAY..........

okay. im finally picking flowers. ive been thinking about it a bit while i wrote this whole thing. it wasnt a priority. but i do wanna pick some flowers that fit this story....

had the thought that depending on the end of this au (... i have aus within my au huh....) jay actually has different flowers. different meanings and symbolism.

i want jays primary flower to be an anemone for the record. “forsaken love”. nods. thats pretty representative of jays love for like. 3 seasons. also.... shares a name with the ocean animal. water... small connection with nya... not directly representative of her but it does a little. anemone has a few other meanings as well and i think those can fit too depending on the end. but the primary meaning im using is forsaken love (apparently its specifically the red and pink ones that mean this. please do note all these flower language resources are pretty inconsistent from each other)

tragic death end- anemone (specifically red- also means death), red poppy (remembrance in death), red spider lily (am i going too ham with the death flowers? yes. would jay see this as an ill omen? definitely. however. symbolism. also this bouquet is just So red. with blood lol)

tragic lost love (surgery) end- anemone, yellow chrysanthemums (broken/slighted love), black dahlia (betrayal), narcissus (unrequited love, selfishness), rue (regret), i would add forget me nots if i didnt think it doesnt fit with the colors

friendship/unrequited end- anemone, yellow rose (bros the meaning of the yellow rose is so fucking loaded LMAO. friendship, infidelity (nya), undying love? the wiki sure lists a lot), dandelion (overcoming hardship, growth, hope, and healing, friendship)

requited end- anemone, sea lavender (remembrance/memory, sympathy, i love you), sea holly (independence (nya) and attraction (jay)). okay so i dunno if a bouquet of these would look good together per se but.... ocean theme.... and also i wanted the flowers to rep both jay and nya in meanings.... since this is the end in which theyre together after all....

flower language is fucking hard. but i cant NOT put sincere thought into it. its fucking hanahaki i feel like i Gotta. btw these arent 100% set in stone i might change my mind about them? but i do really like anemone tho.... and tangential thought hgtjbnfjkghl sea holly would be fucking AWFUL for jay to cough up. esp when he starts spitting full flowers. those look like they hurt. just like what its like to love nya (lol). flower that would definitely make him cough blood

anyways..... if you made it to the end of this..... thank you.... this post is literally over 7600 words. thats like a long one shot. this is more like a fic outline tho. anyways anyways.... madness legit descended upon me while i wrote this all. i hope you enjoyed. i did this for my self satisfaction but if other people enjoyed this also i kinda wanna know

holds up a glass. cheers to jays suffering and heartbreak

(og thread here)