#we the chronically neurotic

[letmedownslows]

im late i know. im so sorry.

i always like to give some long reblogs so yeah, get prepared. this is me rambling.

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion. “Is she being nice to you? I swear to Godric if she even says one mean thing I’ll stick a broom up that witch’s ar—“

how sweet she is (im just like her). you don't fuck with luna and get away with it. not in my presence!

“Glory, riches, power. The usual,” he deadpanned. “What do you think I want? I've been waiting for you at the lab for half an hour.”

he's so effortlessly funny i hate him for it

Mattheo smirked. “Oh, I like her.” 

we like you too mattheo, my beloved

You didn’t even notice that your bantering had stopped every conversation at your table.

i love this thing about Ravenclaws being gossipers, its pretty accurate (im a ravenclaw)

Theo smirked, seizing your wrist. He lowered his voice and spoke quietly so only you could hear. “I’d rather see you wear my jumper again.” 

LMAOOOO

You scoffed. “You want me to relax? I have literally never relaxed in my entire life. I came out of the womb stressed about taxes.”

she's just like me fr.

“Tucking that away for names I’d like for you to call me in bed.”

“Pervert.” 

“Don’t slut shame me, Y/N. We all have our kinks.”

i literally cant NOT laugh bc of him. my man is just hilarious AHHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“Only uptight little Ravenclaws who’d rather vex me to death than enjoy a stunning view of the stars.”

i mean-

“Maybe you’re the stick up my arse.” 

“Don’t joke, darling.” Theo quipped, placing a hand over his chest. “You know I’ve been asking for months.”

HES SO UNSERIOUS BYE.

“Jokes on you, I find your threats incredibly arousing. I’m pitching a tent in my trousers just thinking about it.”

AGAIN. i can't stop fucking laughing he's the epitome of comedy

Theo shrugged. “An irritating know-it-all once told me that not everything has to involve magic.”

It was strange to hear him echo your words.

oh. that's sweet.

A set of dimples appeared on Theo’s cheeks. On anyone else, it might’ve been endearing. “Close. There’s also the added bonus of annoying you.”

how lovely

Theo sighed and propped himself up on his elbows. He stared at you for a second before his eyes lit up with realization. “Of course. I’m so stupid.” 

“No argument there.”

I look too much like her, it's starting to get personal

Theo rose to his feet and offered you his hand. “Lead the way, diavolina. Show me how the chronically neurotic unwinds.”

oh theo you have no idea what you're getting into

kiss with a fist | chapter three.

masterlist 💋 chapters 💋 playlist

pairing: theodore nott x reader.

song inspiration: high enough by k. flay.

author's note: we're well on our way. this is a shorter(ish) chapter, but that just means that you might get the next one sooner rather than later. as always, please enjoy the banter and sarcasm.

Angel’s Trumpet was going to be the death of you. 

You were convinced of it.

The multiple failed attempts to brew the wretched draught hung over you like a pall and followed you into your second week. When Wednesday night finally rolled around, you were in a proper foul mood. You couldn’t even bring yourself to take more than one bite of lasagne, which was usually your favorite. 

Beside you, Luna set the latest copy of the Quibbler down and looked over at you with concern. “Still having trouble with potions?” 

You nodded, sighing in frustration. “It’s this bloody Angel’s Trumpet. I’ve read over the recipe so many times that it’s practically ingrained into my subconscious, but I just can’t seem to get it right.”

Your roommate smiled faintly. “I know,” she said in her breathy voice. “You do come up with some rather creative curses when you’re studying.” 

You smiled sheepishly. “Sorry Loons, have I kept you up with my late night ranting again?” 

“No need to apologize. The wrackspurts are truly doing a number on everyone, not just you. They’re especially rampant during the start of term.” Her dreamy eyes sharpened into something that resembled mischief. “And how are your sessions with Theodore going?” 

The faint smile on your friend’s face told you that she definitely knew more than she let on. Besides you and Theo, Luna was the only person in Hogwarts who knew about your secret little dalliances. She had figured it out rather early on last year when you and Theo kept mysteriously disappearing at the same time. It was a shame that everyone underestimated her. Luna Lovegood was the most astute person you knew. 

You had absolutely no doubt that your secret was just one of many that Luna had uncovered by simply being observant. After all, teenagers weren’t exactly covert even if they were witches and wizards. 

“Miserably,” you finally answered. 

Much to your annoyance, Theo had not let up since the weekend. Day after day, he dragged you into the potions lab with varying disastrous results. Just the other night, the damned cauldron spewed magenta liquid like a geyser, effectively soaking you and Theo in pepto bismol pink like a demented water park ride. No amount of scourgify could wash away the shame. 

Luna laughed. “Pansy said that Theo spent hours scrubbing potion off of his fancy leather shoes.”

“Pansy?” you asked incredulously. “As in, Pansy Parkinson? Since when are you two the best of friends?” 

Your friend shrugged nonchalantly, but you clocked the slight flush in her cheeks. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to replace you. Pansy and I just have a few classes together, that’s all.” 

You narrowed your eyes in suspicion. “Is she being nice to you? I swear to Godric if she even says one mean thing I’ll stick a broom up that witch’s ar—“ 

Luna held her palms up. “I appreciate the concern, but I assure you Pansy is very nice.” 

That wasn’t entirely convincing, but you trusted Luna’s judgment. As protective as you were over your friend, you knew that she was perfectly capable of handling herself. 

“I just worry,” you said, patting her shoulder. “Those little serpents have teeth.” 

“Oh, I think you’re more familiar with the Slytherins and their teeth than I am.” 

“Loons!” 

She smiled unapologetically. “Speaking of which, here comes your serpent now and he does look poised to bite.” 

You turned just in time to see Theo marching down the aisle with two of his housemates. The curly headed one, Mattheo Riddle, swaggered on his right and winked at you. Flanking Theo’s left side was Enzo, who gave you a polite wave. He was by far the most tolerable out of the lot of them. You wholly ignored Mattheo, but acknowledged Enzo with a nod. 

Theo, on the other hand, you openly glared at. “To what do I owe the displeasure?” 

Every head at the Ravenclaw table turned towards your direction. Though your housemates liked to think they were above the petty drama, Ravenclaws were some of the worst gossips in this school. A Slytherin walking amongst their midst was as juicy as it got. 

Completely unfazed by the attention, Theo slid in next to you on the bench. “Someone’s got their wand in a twist.” 

You flashed him a saccharine smile. “I’ll twist more than just your wand if you don’t leave me the hell alone, Nott.” 

Mattheo smirked. “Oh, I like her.” 

The glare you shot his way was full of venom. “The feeling is not mutual.” Enzo fought a smile as Mattheo gaped. You ignored the both of them and turned back to Theo. “Who are they supposed to be? Your cronies?” 

“Merlin, she never truly lets up, does she?” exclaimed Riddle. 

Theo grinned. “You have no fucking idea, mate.” His expression faltered when he saw the ire dancing in your eyes. “Right, I know that look. Leave us before she decides to turn you two into toads.” 

The boys reluctantly backed away. Beside you, Luna followed suit but winked behind her shoulder as she left the Great Hall. Luckily, Theo’s back was turned to her. 

“What do you want?” 

“Glory, riches, power. The usual,” he deadpanned. “What do you think I want? I've been waiting for you at the lab for half an hour.” 

“I can’t,” you said dismissively. “Not tonight.” 

“Oh, yes you can. I’m too invested to give up now. I am going to teach you how to brew Angel’s Trumpet even if it kills me.” 

“I’d prefer to skip the brewing and get right to the fun part.” You didn’t even notice that your bantering had stopped every conversation at your table. Everyone watched as you menacingly twirled your wand. “Shall I buy a new dress for your funeral?” 

Theo smirked, seizing your wrist. He lowered his voice and spoke quietly so only you could hear. “I’d rather see you wear my jumper again.” 

“Let go of my hand and I’ll be sure to turn up to your wake donning your beloved jumper.” 

He sighed in frustration. “I’m serious about the draught, diavolina. We’re trying again. Tonight.” 

“Was my last try not humiliating enough?” 

“There’s definitely room for improvement. Avoiding turning the lab into a slip and slide would be my first suggestion.” His mouth quirked in amusement. Prick. “Aside from that, I think I finally figured out the missing ingredient.” 

“And that would be?”

“Relaxation,” Theo answered proudly. “You’re way too uptight and it’s feeding into your magic, hence all the explosions.” 

You scoffed. “You want me to relax? I have literally never relaxed in my entire life. I came out of the womb stressed about taxes.” 

Theo snorted. “That’s exactly why I’m here. Let the expert teach you, sweetheart. Being relaxed means being confident and being confident means success.” 

“You do know that confidence and arrogance are two different things, right?” 

“Do you want to brew the bloody potion or not?” 

The fact that Theo was the one motivating you to do school work was only slightly despairing. “Fine,” you conceded. “Teach me how to relax, oh Great Master.” 

“Tucking that away for names I’d like for you to call me in bed.”

“Pervert.” 

“Don’t slut shame me, Y/N. We all have our kinks.” 

“Great. Mine is committing acts of violence against snarky Slytherins.” 

“This snarky Slytherin rather enjoys your acts of violence. Especially if it involves your smartass mouth on mine.” You flushed in response, which only made Theo smirk in satisfaction. “Now, come. We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us.” 

The Astronomy Tower was the last place you expected Theo to take you to. He didn’t really strike you as a stargazing type of guy, but then again, you probably didn’t strike people as the type of girl who slept with her academic rival out of spite. 

Maybe you both had layers. Layers upon fucked up layers. 

The thought almost made you laugh hysterically as you silently watched Theo transfigure his robe into a blanket. He laid it gently across the wooden floor and beckoned you over. “Sit,” he said simply. 

“This is awfully romantic of you. You take a lot of girls up here, Nott?”

“Only uptight little Ravenclaws who’d rather vex me to death than enjoy a stunning view of the stars.”

You snorted. “Sorry to disappoint.” 

He rolled his eyes and patted the spot next to him. “Sit. I won’t ask again.” 

To be fair to Theo (a statement you never thought you’d make), the stars were stunning tonight. You sat cross legged on the blanket and watched as constellations twinkled in the horizon. If you were up here with anyone other than the present company, you might’ve found it rather nice. 

But alas, this was Theo you were talking about. It was only a matter of time before he ruined it somehow. Probably with a lascivious comment. 

“Why are you sitting like you’ve got a stick up your arse?” Bingo. “Even more than usual, I mean.”

“Maybe you’re the stick up my arse.” 

“Don’t joke, darling.” Theo quipped, placing a hand over his chest. “You know I’ve been asking for months.”

“Do not make me push you over that railing, Theodore.”

“Jokes on you, I find your threats incredibly arousing. I’m pitching a tent in my trousers just thinking about it.” 

You rubbed your temples. “How is irritating the shit out of me supposed to be relaxing?”

Theo grinned, reaching into his pocket. “Because, I have this.” 

With a proud smile, he produced a tightly rolled blunt. 

“That’s your big idea?” you asked, wrinkling your nose at the joint. “Taking me to the highest tower in the castle and getting higher than a hippogriff so we can potentially fall down the stairs and break our necks?”

“It’ll help with your nerves.” 

“The only thing wrong with my nerves is that you’re always on them.” 

He smirked, sticking the joint between his lips. “You’re deflecting. What’s the matter, diavolina? Scared to partake in the devil’s lettuce?”

You rolled your eyes. “Oh for fuck’s sake, give it here.” Theo’s eyes widened as you took the joint from his mouth and stuck it in yours. “Well? Are you going to light me up or not?”

He shook his head in mild disbelief before pulling a lighter out of his pocket. You squinted at the silver Zippo, which had initials engraved on the front. The writing was too faded for you to read.

“I got tired of Mattheo stealing my lighters,” he explained. “This way I don’t lose track of it.”

The initials weren’t what surprised you. It was the fact that Theo even had a lighter in the first place. Most wizards just used magic to conjure fire. They certainly didn’t go around carrying muggle inventions in their pockets. It almost made you feel like you were back home in London, bumming a cigarette off some drunk after a night out in the pubs. 

“Why not use incendio?”

Theo shrugged. “An irritating know-it-all once told me that not everything has to involve magic.”

It was strange to hear him echo your words. 

None of it made any sense. Theo would’ve had to venture into a muggle shop to buy that lighter, which was unheard of for a pureblood. Especially not one whose family was part of the now disbanded Sacred Twenty-Eight. The idea of Theo walking around Camden Market to purchase a Zippo was more disorienting than the drugs. 

This little discovery did not line up with what you thought you knew about him. You squinted at him in the dim light, inhaling deeply. The smoke filled your lungs and clouded your senses. Yet one question remained even as you exhaled. 

Who the hell are you, Theodore Nott?

Sensing your gaze, he watched with a small smirk as you passed the joint over to him. It seemed impossible for the drugs to be taking effect so soon, but you found yourself mesmerized as Theo took a long drag. Smoke curled around his mouth as he leaned back on his elbows, tipping his head back to gaze up at the moon. 

“Why the Astronomy Tower?” you asked after a few moments. 

Theo shrugged. “It’s nice up here. Quiet. It helps to get away from the noise.” 

“Strange. I’d become convinced that you sometimes speak just to hear the sound of your own voice.” 

A set of dimples appeared on Theo’s cheeks. On anyone else, it might’ve been endearing. “Close. There’s also the added bonus of annoying you.” 

You didn’t try to stifle your laughter. “Yes, I suppose that sweetens the deal.” 

The two of you sat in silence, passing the joint every so often and quietly contemplating the stars. The absence of noise was jarring. You couldn’t remember the last time that you weren't surrounded by noise. Ravenclaws were a chatty bunch. Whether you were exchanging the newest piece of gossip or bragging about academic achievements, there was always this constant exchange of information. 

Your brain was hardwired to process input. Without it, you felt sort of like a toddler who had just gotten their comfort blanket ripped away from them. 

“Stop fidgeting, Y/N,” Theo commanded with his eyes closed. “You’re supposed to be relaxing.” 

You frowned, picking at your nails. “I don’t think it’s working. Either your drugs are rubbish or my neurosis is canceling it out.” 

He opened one eye lazily. His body language was languid, like he was floating through air. You envied him for it. “Just take a deep breath and empty your mind.” 

“I know that may be easy for someone whose thoughts are typically vacant, but I’m not wired that way. I can’t just turn off my thoughts.” 

Theo sighed and propped himself up on his elbows. He stared at you for a second before his eyes lit up with realization. “Of course. I’m so stupid.” 

“No argument there.” 

He rolled his eyes in response. “I’m trying to get you to relax the Theo way when we should be doing it the Y/N way.” 

“What does that even mean?” 

“Think of the one place in the castle where you feel most at peace.” 

You cocked your head, contemplating. The answer came to you in an instant. “Okay. I’ve got it. What now?” 

Theo rose to his feet and offered you his hand. “Lead the way, diavolina. Show me how the chronically neurotic unwinds.”

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[queenerdloser]

my dad: yeah i'll be there at 3:30p

me, like a normal person: gets ready & is all set to go by 3:30p literally on the dot.

my dad at 3:45p: sike i'll actually be there at 4:30p

me: great :) love this :)

[divinerapturesys]

Welcome to my Ted Talk about AsPD, or Antisocial Personality Disorder, which the internet likes to coin as sociopath 👌🏻 if you don’t like long infodumps about stigmatized mental disorders from someone who is diagnosed, move on.

Quick toxic rundown: People with AsPD are generally characterized as emotionless, violent, manipulative abusers who kill animals and like to make other people their bitches. The biggest pet peeve we have is the emotionless, sadistic and abusive generalization.

Personally, we are highly neurotic, with highs and lows of: depression, frantic drive, self abuse tactics, chronic fear, lapses of rejection, overwhelming over-analyzation, grey area thinking, false goods and false bads, ultimatums, obsessive compulsive behavior, harsh self demands, and irritability.

AsPD is a disorder that is caused primarily (according to current research) by trauma and abuse in childhood; most notably being emotional neglect and absent caregivers that cause a child to have emotional shutdowns and repression episodes in an attempt to self soothe. Primary caregivers who do not bond with their children are also a factor. Children learn how to behave from those around them. If a primary caregiver is emotionally distant and unavailable, children will learn that is normal behavior and that’s how people are. If a primary caregiver does not provide empathy and sympathy during moments of distress and fear, children will learn that aloofness and disregard of others feelings is normal behavior. If a primary caregiver does not keep a child safe, children will learn that they should not prioritize their own safety or the safety of others. You can find my follow up post regarding this here.

Neglected and abused children often act out trying to get attention and help, often acting out in bad ways because they lack the ability to articulate what they’re feeling and what is happening to them. The pipeline for AsPD typically is: Oppositional Defiance Disorder as a child, Conduct Disorder as a teen, AsPD as an adult. There are a lot of warning signs cueing that AsPD is becoming a risk for development, but often kids do not have a support system to help negate it as it’s their support system that is usually a factor in its creation.

Being AsPD is like being an emotional La Croix 70% of the time. If you’re depressed, then it’s like someone in the other room has depression and is telling you about it. The other 30% of the time, if you’re depressed, your brain doesn’t understand how to handle it so it’s an ultimatum between doing something drastic to remove the Trigger or ignoring and dissociating for days on end.

People with AsPD are very good at ignoring things. Honestly it’s problematic as fuck but it’s not hard to ignore major issues when you just, don’t care. It’s not in the terms of being cruel or making ourselves not care, but the fact that finding the emotional willpower is so far out of our feasible reach we don’t do it. This causes us to piss people off because we don’t have the capacity to care as much as they want us to, even if we can and do to an extent.

Think of it this way: empathy/sympathy is a deep tub of water that everyone has. They can easily fill their measuring cup for the needed amount of empathy without any issues and it’s easy for them. People with AsPD don’t have a tub of water. We have shallow skillet. When we try to dip our cup to fill it, we can’t, it always comes up short and it is difficult to get any water in it as there is no room for the cup to dive. Our ability to care is limited because we do not have the same emotional resources everyone else does.

❌ False Positives & False Negatives ❌

I operate on what I’ve learned are called false positives and false negatives. These are things that are trained into the brain from an early age based off of childhood trauma and other factors. False positives are a distorted version of why we do something to help ourself and for our own good, meanwhile a false negative is something we do because it’s a threat, or based out of fear.

❌ Some of my false positives:

- It is good to be afraid of nothing

- It is good to adapt to someone’s personality if they are stronger than you

- It is good to isolate yourself

- It is good to be a silver tongue because you can get into any place you want

- It is good to become a social chameleon and shape yourself to whatever those around you need/want most, because then you have no chance of being abandoned

❌ Some of my false negatives, which can explain the false positives as well as core beliefs:

- it is bad to be afraid, if I am afraid then I am vulnerable and it can be used against me

- It is bad to be emotional or show concern for others emotions because they do not care for mine

- It is bad to be able to be exploited, because I believe it is everywhere

- It is bad to allow myself to be bored, because boredom begets bad thoughts and no one can or wants to help me when I spiral

- It is bad to not shape yourself to the social circle, because people quickly grow tired of those who do not match them perfectly and being discarded means I failed

My core beliefs can be viewed as the root for the false positives and negatives, because they are based on the core of trauma, abuse and neglect. They come from patterns and instances that make someone with AsPD become the opposite of what they experienced:

- eat or be eaten

- If I don’t show that my bite is worse than my bark, I will be taken advantage of and I must remain on top because the ones on top are safe

- I must look out for myself because nobody will do it for me

- It doesn’t matter what happens to me, therefore it doesn’t matter what people think of me

- If I cannot do something well, then I should not do it at all

- If you are dependent on others for emotional and mental well being, you are weak, therefore I must isolate myself to avoid becoming codependent and a burden and useless

- If I can handle the stress of a situation better than everyone else, therefore I will keep the problem (financial, emotional, mental, etc) to myself to reduce chances of being abandoned due to failure of perfection

People with AsPD are hard to get along with. We often:

- are always anticipating a fight

- lack respect for authority

- ignore social structures to an extent

- tendency to lie if it’ll lessen punishment or if we feel the lie is more acceptable than our actions

- limit social support because it’s wrong to be dependent on others

- have an inflated view of our own importance — which turns into a self ridicule for believing someome like me could be found important to others —

- can be rude and inconsiderate of others feelings somewhat unintentionally

- are unable to read the correct social cues in relation to empathy towards people and animals

- am constantly confused by others dependence upon empathy and inability to make desicions from logic based standpoints

We can’t speak for everyone who has AsPD, nor are we saying that no one with AsPD is capable of being a murderer/abuser etc. but we are saying that y’all need to stop automatically classifying someone as a certain “type” as soon as you know about their disorder.

One last thing I do want to point out is that it is not uncommon for people with AsPD to derive some sort of enjoyment in causing harm, doing something illegal, hurting someone or animals, etc. This entirely stems from lack of environmental control as a child. Being able to control what happens to others or being able to control the things you say or do that hurts someone else is a hefty high to get addicted to; it soothes the underlying itch of not being able to control your own trauma and abuse, so in turn you push these behaviors onto others and enjoy it because it gives you a sense of power and control. Some people with AsPD do genuinely love hurting others, and some enjoy hurting others when they believe it’s deserved or their ire has been stoked. Some enjoy causing pain to those they think deserve it, and others don’t care who they hurt as long as they feel like they’re in control of the situation.

Hope this have some insight into AsPD 🤙🏻 if y’all have any questions, shoot.

[letters-to-rosie]

random Ekko thoughts

so I'm trying to get a little fic writing in, and I was thinking of some timebomb takes I've seen recently. I realized that a lot of opinions people have on their relationship and how it's depicted center around Jinx, and I was wondering what care people give towards writing Ekko, so here are some things I like to include when writing him:

perfectionist. Ekko, at least in League canon, goes back and forth over and over to craft a perfect moment. I think he'd be observant, detail-oriented, probably a little neurotic, definitely the type to replay an awkward interaction over and over in his head in the shower or before falling asleep

emotionally guarded. first, I gotta say I don't think Ekko would want to be this way. but he's been through so much he finds it useful to have walls up. it's not like all the toughness is a defense mechanism—he fights for what he believes in and is clearly very brave (who else makes hoverboards ffs). he does miss, though, the times and people that allowed him to be more vulnerable, and he treasures it when he has it. his childhood ended way too soon

chronic overthinker. this goes back to the perfectionism, but I think he'd constantly be questioning everything. he's good on his feet, but he likes to have a plan, and he'd tends to think about those for a long time

charismatic as hell. this one I think is proven by the show, lol. Ekko seems very personable, likes to haggle (at least as a kid), and is liked enough to lead a resistance movement. I think he'd make good speeches and be good at convincing people. this would, of course, cause drama with Jinx, because he'd be like "all these people believe in me and my former best friend doesn't," ow

drama. I like to give him a pretty dramatic inner monologue, lol. I also like to think he's self-aware enough to realize he's being dramatic in the moment and to then continue the drama anyway

enjoyer of thrills. hoverboard. need I say more?

childish and playful side. didn't get to have a full childhood and cherishes getting to let that side out. cue fluff

fidgeter. it preceded the tinkering

player of mind games. this is mostly based on how he treats Caitlyn and Vi after kidnapping them, putting them through what essentially amounts to tests (for, imo, understandable reasons). he also goads Jinx into a game he knows he'll be able to win. I think he'd apply this thinking to other scenarios, be they big or small

too-big sense of responsibility. would feed into the drama for sure. he feels the weight of his community on his shoulders, and because he wants things to go well, and because they're counting on him, he takes on a lot that he maybe should not

self-righteous. he strikes me as filled with righteous anger. he's right, most of the time. on the occasion he isn't, this causes problems

proud. wouldn't be a real issue in most situations, but it's there

irreverent. he flips off cops as a kid. we love him for this

smart. this is obvious, but sometimes can be forgotten in the fandom. I'd see Ekko as book-smart and having street-smarts (or at least a lot more than Jayce, but that's a low bar). I think his verbal skills would also be a bit more polished than some of the other science-inclined characters (cough cough Jinx). I think it's also notable that among the others (Jayce, Viktor, Heimerdinger, Jinx), Ekko is the main science character who has no access to proper schooling at any point. sure, he has his job with Benzo, but it's unclear how much that would have taught him. Silco probably got at least books for Jinx, and the others had real teachers. there's an element of resourcefulness in Ekko's smarts which is laudable, imo

very dorky. we love a man with range. I feel like he would be able to operate on multiple levels, one in which he's this cool charismatic leader and another when you get to know him better, who makes science puns and has a lot of insecurities, which naturally leave him replaying awkward conversations in the shower. layers!

idealistic. you have to give people what they need to live

heart of gold. one thing that always strikes me is that Ekko is really the only member of the main cast concerned enough with the plight of the average person in Zaun to make it his whole business. he's tending to the crisis in a way that is simultaneously very grounded and (again) idealistic, where substance use recovery is very much needed in the setting but he's also (perhaps in contrast to Vander) throwing himself into battles that are unsustainable because he believes in his cause, even if the persecution is so bad he has to hide over it

disaster bi (this one is for me)

Ekko's a really layered and interesting character. I wanted to bring up some things I think about when writing him because of posts I've seen recently about him being reduced to "Jinx's boyfriend" (due to anti-black racism, of course) and posts just kinda about timebomb in general? I think because it's been canon that Ekko has a crush of Jinx for so long, it's easy to take that for granted and not give much thought to his side of the ship. we also spend a lot more time in Jinx's head than his in the show, even though the brief moment we do spend in his head introduces a whole new art style and the best song on the soundtrack (fight me)

obviously, I'm a shameless Ekko and Firelights stan. he's my favorite character in Arcane and one of my favorites in anything ever, so it was fun to flesh out my headcanons, things I think are extrapolatable from canon, and just some of the traits that go into writing him. if people have others (or just traits and things they think are interesting) I'd love to hear them! I love my brilliant and contradictory boy!

[absolutebl]

hello! i recently attended a panel on live action BL, and they recommended your blog for all things BL. i'd love to get into more queer shows to watch. this is oddly specific, but do you have any shows with a strong plot where one or more of the love interests is famous? anything else goes. (bonus points if they knew each other before they/either of them became famous, it's a favorite trope). thank you, and have a good day!!!

Top 10 Celebrity BLs!

I love oddly specific questions. I'm the human BL recommendation algo, and I'm ready! Although like most algos I sometimes get it way wrong. I will do my bestest.

Hello, WELCOME!

BLs with a strong plot where one of the love interests is famous, bonus for the "known since childhood" trope

I fixed your request, since in BL we just can't expect strong plot and "strong" plot is super objective anyway. I put these in order of my personal preference and noted if it breaks your criteria.

Ready? Here we go!

To My Star

(Korea 2021 Viki)

Hwang Da Seul directing this show about a neurotic actor (actual puppy) who takes refuge with a grumpy chef resulting in sparks, cooking lessons, and LOVE! It’s is a touch quirky to get into, but utterly charming once it hits its stride. This is the ultimate grumpy/sunshine pairing plus the most appealing light-filled kitchen of our dreams. I adore this show so much. Limited use of BL tropes makes this feel more of a sweet contemporary gay romance between an actor plagued by scandal and the chef who accidentally adopts him, but the gentleness will appeal to fans of the BL genre.

Doesn't have much plot and they did not know each other before, but my only 10/10 on this list.

Cosmetic Playlover

(Japan 2024 Gaga)

It's a classic office BL about the older workaholic who loves his job and the younger upstart who unexpectedly loves his boss. It’s a hyung romance where everybody is extremely earnest and sweet and pretty about everything. Except our seme, who is slightly unhinged and a little obsessed in all the ways one likes best from Japan. Utterly charming unexpected gem of a show. What fun!

The seme was once a famous model but left the business for harassment reasons. Again, light on plot and they didn't know each other before.

Lovely Writer

(Thai 2021 YouTube)

Thailand criticizes itself and the BL industry while simultaneously giving us classic seme/uke with great chemistry in a one-two punch of “we love it, but are we supposed to? and must we think this hard, yet enjoy it SO MUCH?” This show won’t appeal or make sense to those who don’t already have at least some Thai BL watching experience.

What Lovely Writer does, at heart, is re-exame what Thai BL has done to queerness, but in a very gentle way that has more to do with Thai BL growing up than any actual queer authenticity. It’s not parody or pastiche, but it is self reflective and trying to correct for some chronic mistakes. Whether it is ultimately successful in this matter is going to depend on the watcher’s relationship to BL and queer identity. But that’s what makes this show beautiful, interesting, and thought provoking. And I, for one, applaud the effort even if I didn’t personally connect to the characters.

This one satisfies all your criteria, but if you are new to Thai BL you should watch others first.

My Beautiful Man AKA Utsukushii Kare

(Japan 2021 Gaga)

One of the most Japanese BLs to release in the last decade, as weird and as messed up as any 2000′s yaoi: emo af and hella warped, entirely true to itself with no attempt made to modify its POV for modern sensibilities or current BL fandom. It used seriously old school problematic and kinky tropes, like whipping boy, for a truly uncompromising piece that also manages to hit up themes of communication, consent, and self acceptance. It’s a wonderful BL but uniquely dirty and harsh, in the best possible way - Japanese cinema, uncompromising. I lost my mind over the ending.

For actual celebrity status you will need to watch all 3 installments (this is the first season). But it has the tone I think you're after. They kind of are kids when the story starts so this is following them pre-fame into adulthood.

My Personal Weatherman AKA Taikan Yoho

(Japan 2023 Gaga)

This style of live action yaoi really only works from Japan. Basically: boys who fell in love in college end up living together but are so repressed they don't realize they're in love. It's higher heat than we usually get from Japan's HEA stuff, and that aspect is also very well done, but it leaned into the "why don't they just talk for fuck's sake?" trope which is only exacerbated into undiluted frustration by the fact that they're already fucking.

It's great, but watching requires more patience than usual, even for Japan. That said it's also bruisingly romantic. Emphasis on bruise.

This one where they have known each other since college, and the plot is... odd and maybe absent, ya know, Japanese BL.

* ThamePo

(Thai 2025 YouTube) Watch this first! Also if no longer on YT check Viki, iQIYI, or Gaga

The boyband idol romance I've been waiting for from Korea, only Thailand did it instead. Quintessentially Thai and very GMMTV with good production values, great chemistry, and a solid support cast. It also was a hung romance mostly driven by external conflict and a found family reunion trope so I didn’t mind (too much) when that romance thread felt secondary. I loved it (except, of course, the singing).

This is it. This is the one you're probably looking for. They didn't know each other before, tho.

Unintentional Love Story

(Korea 2023 iQIYI)

OMG the plot! Uke forced into a totally understandable betrayal, falling in love despite himself, put into a corner he can't get out of, the AGONY, the PAIN in those gorgeous eyes. Gah. Okay, so: A boy loses his job due to trumped-up corruption charges accidentally discovers his ex-boss's favorite artist, now a recluse. Evil manager offers him his job back, if he can convince the artist to rejoin society. Instead, they fall in love.

I found the artist a bit stiff and reserved but Gongchan (maknae of B1A4) is a fucking GIFT - he carried this show (which I do not expect from the idol element). He was luminous with extraordinarily expressive eyes, just drown in the emoting abyss. The external conflict, social tension and pressure is complex and beautifully executed, plus Korea gave us legit side dishes (NOT a love triangle, hally-fucking-luya).

Everything but the childhood. The best plot on this list, but the celebrity recluse bit might not be the kind of fame you want. Still... I loved it.

Wish You: Your Melody in My Heart

(Korea 2020 Viki)

Set in the music industry featuring a talented singer and the pianist who falls in love with him (and his music), subtle and achingly adorable. High production, low heat, short run, very tame, and Korea, so all the pretty. Slow burn and lots of pining.

He isn't quite a celebrity... yet. And they didn't know each other before.

* Love Stage!!

(Thai adaptation of Japanese original 2022 YouTube?)

This BL surprised me with its charm. The acting was good, the leads were appealing, support cast on point, and the production values high. It followed the original manga story arc relatively closely: boy (now famous actor) falls in love with girl as a child, grows up to discover girl is actually a very pretty boy. Although there are some quintessentially Thai changes that mellowed, softened, and extended the romance arc.

One of the things I’ve always appreciated about this story is that the climax is about coming out as a celebrity couple as well as gay. I like the examination of the nature of celebrity versus privacy, and the contrasting kinds of closets.

And I love that they depicted two couples with two different versions of this choice. A solid and enjoyable show.

Winner winner chicken dinner. This one satisfies ALL your criteria.

Also, if you like it there is a Japanese version, an anime, and the original yaoi.

My Stand-In

(Thai 2024 iQIYI)

Stuntman Joe dies on the job and wakes up in the body of another Joe with an entirely different life. But Joe just starts repeating the mistakes of his previous self - love, work, play. Including falling back in love with rich kid (now famous) actor Ming who used and abused him as nothing more than a toy bf in the past.

I enjoyed the experience of watching this show, I looked forward to it every week. I thought everybody did a great job with it and in it, and I liked that is was something substantially different for Thai BL. But it was divisive and left me feeling more sanguine than happy. It's not really a revenge narrative (what I wanted) nor was it a romance (what BLandia expected). I spent most of this show just very very sorry for poor Joe. But if you like your celebrity gays messy, it doens't get much messier than this.

The plot is... different, and they knew each other before just not in childhood.

BONUS

Deep Night

(Thai 2024 iQiyi)

It's about a host club and all the gay boys in it and some stuff that's not important because… PEOPLE OF EARTH WE HAVE A HONEST REP OF POLY IN A BL. Stand up and raise your hands in prayer to the Thai BL gods because sure as shit no one else was ever going to give this to us. For that alone this show gets 8/10 from me. Bonus Lesbian moms and great kisses.

Okay so the celebrities are the top performers at the club and there is no plot, but I have decided it ranks, so there.

Sirs Not Appearing In the Top 10

FC Soldout - almost made it, washed up actor + up-and-coming football player

First Note Of Love - washed up musician and talented young composer

Happy Ending Romance - it's just, not really a BL, celebrity author and betrayal!

Happy Merry Ending - dito

Love is Better the Second Time Around AKA Koi wo Suru nara Nidome ga Joto - the famous person is a professor/author, reunion romance that is about lost childhood love

Behind Cut

Ocean Likes Me

Vice Versa - in one reality one of them is a famous actor but that's not the point

At 25:00, in Alaska AKA 25 Ji, Akasaka de - you might like this one

City of Stars - this might be a good one for you if you're willing to try a Thai pulp, satisfies most of your criteria

First Love Again - he's a famous novelist but that's not really relevant

I Became the Main Role of a BL AKA BL Drama no Shuen ni Narimashita: Crank In Hen - it's in the title

Kabe Koji AKA Kabesaa Doujin Sakka no Neko Yashiki-kun wa Shounin Yokkyuu wo Kojirasete iru - this is an idol romance, but also no real kisses

My Esports Genius Brother - very very odd, no plot, and it's China censored so... oddly I have a soft spot for it anyway

Oh My Assistant - famous writer again

Pit Babe - famous sports star and a wild plot

You Are Ma Boy, EM LÀ CHÀNG TRAI CỦA ANH - idol romance with a cafe boy, it's adorable but very Vietnamese poor quality, stil an old favorite of mine

Kiss X Kiss X Kiss - the "idol series," these are shorts from Japan, 3 of them feature idols in a band together having a secret affaire

Codicils

Shows that feature a celebrity but I rated 6/10 or lower are not on this list. But add more in comments if you like.

I left celebrity chefs off this list, because I think that's not quite what you are looking for.

This is up to date so far as I and my spreadsheet of doom can determine as of March 2025. Only included completed BLs as of that month.

(source)

[st4rgirllv]

Meetings, Minutes, and Mistakes (In That Order)

Pairing: School President!Kuroo x Vice President!Reader cw: Student council AU, slow burn, accidental confession, Academic rivals-to- lovers, comedic fluff with a very soft confession

You pride yourself on punctuality.

And yet—yet—Kuroo Tetsurō has shown up ten minutes early to your own council meeting. With coffee. For you. Like it’s normal.

You narrow your eyes. “What’s your angle?”

“No angle,” he says, handing you a cup. “Just a dedicated school president making sure his equally competent VP doesn’t combust before midterms.”

You peer into the drink suspiciously. “You spelled my name wrong.”

He sips his own. “You spell it wrong. Ever consider that?”

“Kuroo.”

“Okay, okay, it’s just that your penmanship is suspiciously uniform. Like a font. You scare me, Santiago.”

Your eye twitches. “We’ve talked about this.” “No nicknames?” “No Brooklyn Nine-Nine references during official meetings.”

“Rude, but noted.”

The meeting drags.

Two committee heads argue about event booth placements. The treasurer still hasn’t submitted the supply budget. You physically twitch when someone says “guesstimate.”

Kuroo watches you the whole time, smug and useless.

Finally, when the others leave, you collapse into your seat with a long sigh. “I’m going to die organizing these files.”

“Not on my watch.” He nudges a folder your way. “What if we got you a label maker for your birthday?”

You smirk, exhausted but amused. “I already have three.”

He grins. “God, I’m in love.”

You freeze.

He freezes harder.

You look up, blinking. “What?”

“I said—I meant—I love that,” he stammers. “Love that about you. The label thing. It’s cool. And attractive. Hot. I’m gonna shut up.”

You raise a brow. “Tetsurō…”

“Don’t say it like that,” he groans, covering his face. “That’s the voice you use when you catch me trying to expense Yakult as a ‘wellness item.’”

You laugh—too loud—and feel your cheeks warm.

“You’re blushing,” Kuroo says, still half-buried behind a folder, clearly panicking but unable to help himself.

You scoff. “I’m not blushing. I’m… chronically overheated. Due to injustice.”

“Injustice,” he repeats flatly.

“Budget injustice,” you clarify. “We’re being underfunded. Again. My blood boils with righteous fury.”

Kuroo lowers the folder just enough to look at you—wide-eyed, wary, and annoyingly amused. “And here I thought it was the three-label-maker levels of neurotic hotness that got you flustered.”

“Don’t push it,” you murmur, but you’re smiling despite yourself.

He leans back in his chair, trying to act cool—fails. “Okay, so, hypothetically… if someone said something like ‘God, I’m in love’ in the middle of a conversation about office supplies, would that be a fireable offense?”

“Depends. Did they also once use the student council printer to make fake parking tickets for the vice principal’s moped?”

Kuroo tilts his head. “You can’t prove that was me.”

“I literally caught you drawing mustaches on the school’s official template.”

He shrugs, unrepentant. “You said our council lacked whimsy.”

You roll your eyes, organizing the last of the folders to avoid his gaze—but the room still hums with something else. Unspoken. Tense.

“So…” he says after a long silence, tapping a pen against his palm, “you have three label makers?”

You pause. “One is for school documents. One’s for home use. And one is for emergencies.”

He blinks. “What kind of emergency requires a label maker?”

“What kind of emergency doesn’t?”

Kuroo laughs, low and honest, like you caught him off guard.

You want to bottle the sound.

“I was serious, you know,” he adds, quieter now. “I do love that about you.”

You go still.

“Not just the label makers,” he continues, awkward but determined. “The color-coded calendars. The way you put sticky notes in library books even though it’s definitely against school policy. The way you speak like an academic journal when you’re mad. I… think about those things a lot.”

Your voice is careful. “You’re not joking?”

He meets your eyes. “I joke about a lot of things. Not this.”

You stare at him for one breath, then two.

“You’re an idiot,” you say finally. But your voice is soft. Treacherously fond.

His grin returns, slow and devastating. “Takes one to love one.”

You shake your head, smile curling your lips before you can stop it.

Somewhere in the mess of budget forms and emotional panic, your heart does a weird little skip. And for the first time in a long time, it’s not stress—it’s him.

ᯓ★ I would say I haven't gone insane but that would be an understatement. UGH I LOVEE Peraltiago sm | Masterlist

[heuldoch7b]

while i was gone, i was deeply contemplative about part of what made me take a hiatus in the first place, which is shame. long post forewarning

growing up on the internet (i was 10 when i started using the internet, back in 2010-11) and something i was (and frankly, still am) constantly exposed to was shaming others. ranging from "light hearted" shaming; this ranged from poking fun at an amateur artists work for it looking funny or it being super "tumblry" to shaming with the guise of social justice, you know "hey this artist draws X and thats BAD and if you support them youre JUST AS BAD".

when i was younger i poked fun at other artists and engaged in cancel culture, on a very small scale (just my friends and i) and i regret it. it was entirely due to my own low self esteem and peojecting fear of being made fun of myself. but ive retained that fear, even as i've matured and grown to understand how unkind it is to shame and mock others, ESPECIALLY as myself a weird, autistic artist who draws "cringe but free" stuff

and even with regards to problematic content, stuff that, reasonably more often than not, ellicits a "yuck" reaction out of most viewers, has turned more into a genuine social risk of getting a callout over being immoral or gross and losing your social circles and delving into isolation. this happened to me. i think it genuinely messed me up, and im dealing with it even now.

it has lead me to be avoidant of being honest about what i like, and being afraid of befriending others due to fear of being dropped again. this is of course not fair to you, potential reader, but unfair to myself as well. i want to develop a healthier respect for my friends as well as myself about what i do and dont like, and not feeling guilty for saying no or not liking something.

i think, as i remake my old pinned post, i am going to be more explicit on stuff, i like shipping the primarchs! i love it very much even. and if you do not thats absolutely A-OK. i like drawing the dismal warcriminals as genderweird. i like maybe skirting away from how chronically cynical and dour the universe (which i do still enjoy, im into warhammer FOR warhammer) and making silly, comfy stuff. fuck i LOVE drawing weird heroic nudity mythological scenes where some characters are like, centaurs, cause its sick as fuck.

and with all that i myself need to be okay with maybe people who i enjoy their work of dont really jive with all that, and that isnt the end of the world, its just being honest with oneself, and thats really important to do. i will be trying to maybe tag sensitive stuff like primarchcest better, so people can filter it out, but i am not gonna be hypervigilant about tagging everything because that would make me neurotic and id rather just be unfollowed or blocked at that point.

anywho, i really just wanted to put my thoughts down into words and share them, i honestly wrote this out and deleted it like 3 times already due to, hilariously, shame. but this is a really important topic to me and extremely relevant to my social presence on this website. i care for you all immensely, even if we are all strangers online.

i will be sad if i lose potential friendships over the things i like, but theres literally thousands of people if not more on this website, and it so fine and healthy to go like "eh no i dont want that in my life" to something like someones specific fuckin fandom art LOL

if any of you want to talk to me about your experiences with shame, id welcome it, may it be through a reblog or messaging me personally. i think its really important for all of us to be unashamed, mindful of course, but not stifling ourselves. be free have fun type stuff. i hope i can drop my own shackles too. thanks for reading

[bodhrancomedy]

A Heist is When You Steal Things by Bodhrán M

Elevator Pitch

If your best friend had died a pointless, premature death, would you do everything in your power to fulfil their last wish? Even if their last wish is to have their painting of a pigeon and a chicken jousting hung up in the Scottish National Gallery? That’s a question a neurotic, struggling stagehand will have to grapple with in “A Heist is When You Steal Things”. He gathers a crew of similarly displaced art school graduates – an easily distracted Deaf dancer, a chronically method actor, and an increasingly bewildered camerawoman – to engineer a ‘reverse heist’ in Edinburgh’s National and put the painting in pride of place without ending up in jail. As each failed, documented attempt brings media coverage to the “Edinburgh Four” and their plans and relationships become more convoluted, the story builds to a desperate game of hide-and-seek from the police within the gallery where the stagehand must confront himself and truly admit his reasons for this fool’s quest to atone. It’s What We Do in the Shadows meets Ocean’s Eleven, a Scottish dark comedy about art and grief.

[captainwans]

SAME OLD LANG SYNE.

— ALEX TURNER.

pairing: am!alex turner x fem!actress reader

timeline: 2014

summary: the pair connects by a shared history of what was and what could be, where one remembers while the other comes to realization.

part two: oh, sweet arabella!

warning: vulgar language, neurotic reader, and teeth-rotting fluff between the pair.

word count: 4,9k | ( picture not mine! )

note: i’ve changed the storyline a little bit, and i hope this won’t get too confusing. i really liked the idea of cindy and miles being together.

arabella series

masterlist!

….  [Y/N]’S HEELS CLANKED LOUDLY AGAINST THE CORK FLOOR, THE SOUND OF HER SHOES ECHOING ACROSS THE STUDIO HALL AS SHE FASTENED HER PACE. The actress internally cursed at herself for being late and feeling disappointed in herself that this would be the group’s first impression of her. She thought she was prepared. She marked this day on her calendar and planned on taking the plane two days early. She had a plan. But boy, was she wrong. She got a call from her assistant two days before, asking her why she hadn’t shown up to the studio. She ended up getting a lecture, telling her how she messed up with the dates and that they were all expecting her. [Y/N] went spiral, eyes almost building out of their sockets as she realized the original date. Being her neurotic self, as well as a chronic perfectionist, she dropped everything she was doing and booked the next flight that was leaving in an hour. She brushed off her suggestion that they could wrap it up and take it to the next day. She refused and told her that they would see her under an hour sharp, leaving her assistant dumbfounded. 

     “[Y/N], it’s fine. They understand that we messed up the dates. We’ll take it tomorrow—” Denise, her assistant, reassured with a warm tone, but ended up getting abruptly interrupted by the actress' frantic tone. 

     “No! Denny, stay where you are. Don’t do anything. I will be there in an hour. Ok? Bye.” [Y/N] stressed through her phone, face grimacing as she watched the clock on the wall. She hung up, not letting Denise finish her sentence as she dashed through her closet to get her suitcase. 

     The actress arrived right on time just like she promised, but her anxiety was on the roof at the thought of everyone’s faces, even the band, which she was ecstatic and nervous to meet. She couldn’t exactly pinpoint where she had met them, especially the lead singer. She was so sure that she must have interacted with him, but whenever she recalls the past her mind gets blank. It also applied to the other members and she remembered watching a picture of them, finding some familiarity that she couldn’t explain. She talked about it to Cindy, but it was to no avail. 

     "Apparently, Arabella is about me? That’s all I’m hearing and reading about on the internet. Do you know them? Miles, you know them. Aren’t you in a band with one of them? They’re really popular internationally. Arctic Monkeys.” [Y/N] told her best friends, her face glued to the computer screen as she read the lyrics of the supposed song that is about her. 

     Miles nodded with a hum, sitting beside his girlfriend as she had her legs draped over his thighs. Cindy’s eyes sparked, her lips forming into a curved smirk as she watched her co-star. She shifted her body to the side, sitting cross-legged before voicing her thoughts, ignoring Miles’ disapproving look. “Hmmm….Maybe, maybe not.” she sighed, giggling at the end, making her best friend turn her head toward her with a confused look before she went back on her computer. 

     “You need to tell her, love,” Miles whispered, making Cindy stifle back a laugh as she shook her head. “And ruin all the fun? She needs to figure this out for herself, baby. Besides, I love her clueless side. It truly fascinates me how she remembers all of her lines, but she can’t even remember a face. Heck, I mean she could’ve met him without even knowing.” she said in a low tone, looking back at her girlfriend with a funny look. 

     Her heart stumbled upon its own rhythm, and she didn’t know if it was because she was going to meet the band or from almost gasping for air as she ran with her high heels toward the backdoor to lead her to the set. Maybe a mix of both, she thought. A hard, quick pulse roared in her throat making her clear her throat, awkwardly passing an employee who looked at her with concern. She turned to glance at them, but once she turned her head she didn’t notice another person heading her way. Her body collided with a hard chest, making her lose her balance as she fell down the hard floor with a thud.

 

     [Y/N] felt blood rush through her ears as she profusely apologized to the person in front of her. “I-I’m so sorry—” she wobbled with her words, her lips morphing into a downward pout. She felt their rough hand hoisting her up to her feet, their small chuckles filling inside her eardrums. 

     “No, please. I didn’t see where I was going.” The actress slid down the ends of her dress, her eyes slowly meeting theirs, making her breath hitch as she recognized him. Her eyes widened, crimson dancing across her cheeks. “Oh…” she trailed off, rubbing the back of her neck as she shyly looked at him. “Well, that’s a good first impression, right?” she chirped with a soft laugh, cursing inside her head at her high-pitched tone at the end. 

     Jamie’s smile widened, eyes sparking as he looked at the actress with a warm expression. “You’re still the bubbly [Y/N] that I remember.” he beamed at her, making her tilt her head at him in confusion. His face faltered for a second, confused by the fact that she couldn’t recognize him. He brushed off his confusion by clearing his throat, which went unnoticed by the latter as he introduced himself. “I’m Jamie, the guitarist.” he introduced himself, bringing his hand toward her to shake, which she happily returned.

     “Nice to meet you, Jamie! Oh, I hope I’m not too late for filming. I’m so sorry, I somehow messed up the dates and my assistant called me a few hours ago telling me that we were supposed to film today, and now—I’m rambling, fuck..Oh! Sorry.” she babbled, covering a hand over her mouth as a curse word emitted from her lips making Jamie laugh.

     The guitarist placed a gentle hand on her arm with a deep chuckle. “You’re all good, love. We don’t mind, really. It was much needed to extend the filming. We’re all jet-lagged from the flight.” He reassured her as the pair walked out of the studio with Jamie opening the door for her, for which she warmly thanked him.

     The sun kissed her delicate features, making her squint her eyes as she walked toward the main set. She saw Denise waving her arms, making her return the same gesture as her eyes lit up at seeing her assistant. Her eyes darted across the ambiance, eyes finally landing on the group, whose eyes were already on the pair walking toward them making her self-conscious. 

     Alex held his breath before slowly exhaling as he took in her presence, his mind wandering back to their previous interaction from almost ten years ago. He remembered being so devastated with the incident with the paparazzi, as well as losing the sight of her when they forfecully had to part ways and for not trying harder to catch her. 

     Alex’s face morphed into a deep scowl, feeling a fire erupting inside his chest. He pushed a paparazzi out of his way as small curses emitted from his lips, his eyes darted across the old pub in look of the actress. He felt a prickling feeling in his chest, squeezing his lungs making him let out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he found his friends with his shoulders slumped. 

     Jamie gave him a frown, looking at his friend’s devastated state. “I’m sorry, mate. You just missed them.” he told him, his frown turning deeper, feeling bad for Alex and for [Y/N], who looked pretty shaken up by the incident. 

     Alex’s eyes widened, his feet sauntering backwards. “Did they leave just now?” he asked, his eyes tinted with hope as he watched his friend nod. Before he could answer his question, he turned his body the opposite way and sprinted toward the exit. 

     His heart was furiously beating against his chest, hearing his heartbeat loudly echoing inside his ears as he used all of his strength to open the metal door. He was immediately hit with the cold wind and he frantically looked around him, before noticing a car a few feet away from him driving off. He saw her by the window, making him dash toward the car. “[Y/N]!” he called out, halting with his steps as he watched the car disappearing from his sight. 

     “Fuck!” he fumed, kicking a crumbled soda can and brought both of his hands to his forehead, aggressively brushing out some of his hair away from his face as he looked at nothing in particular.

    Alex snapped out of his daydream, blinking a few times and watching her greeting the others, including the staff and crew members. A small smile curved his lips unknowingly at her kind nature, which was a feature that he noticed in her when they first met. His eyes shamelessly trailed over her figure through his sun glasses, the red dress hugging her curves like water before catching a glimpse of her beautiful features. His stomach swarmed with butterflies, her graceful smile glowing like the sun as she was enthusiastically greeting the drummer. 

     [Y/N] grinned, eyes crinkling as she subconsciously pulled down the long sleeves of her dress. She covered her hands with the material and brushed a few hair strands away from her face before greeting them with a polite smile. “There she is! The living legend.” she heard one of them say, causing a dust of crimson dance across her cheeks as she was pulled into a gentle embrace. She felt a sudden deja vu with the way he expressed his beam, but that quickly disappeared as it rapidly appeared. 

     She giggled, returning the gesture by hugging him back just as tightly. “Oh, I don’t know about legend.” she said with a deep chuckle before pulling away, causing a fit of protests coming out from Jamie’s mouth making them all laugh. 

     Nick came forward and politely greeted her, making Jamie pull Matt to the side. “She doesn’t remember us.” he whispered into his ear, making Matt look at his bandmate with a surprised look. The pair moved their gaze away from each other toward the actress, watching her introducing herself to Nick by shaking her hand. 

     Matt leaned closer to Jamie, opening his mouth to voice his thoughts. “Not even Alex?” he said in a small voice, making Jamie shake his head with his lips pressed into a thin line. They shared a look, before the guitarist shrugged his shoulders. “If I remember correctly, I don’t think Alex got to the stage of introduction himself. You remember the paps?” Matt’s mouth morphed into an “o” as he remembered the incident, his handsome features turning into a frown.

     Blood rushed through her ears, flushed at Nick’s compliments. She smiled widely at his praise, hands placed on her heart as she said her thanks before moving her attention to the other guy beside Nick. She noticed his reserved nature, making her tilt her head to the side as she tried to search for his eyes through the glasses. Her heart palpitated at the smile he gave her, making her shyly smile back as she approached him. “Is it mine turn now, Ms. famous?” he chimed with a cheeky smile, making the others laugh, including the actress who burst into a fit of giggles. 

     “Oh, yes! You’re the last one, and you know what they say….Save the best for the last.” she chimed with a wink, bringing her hand for him to shake while she had a war inside her mind trying to figure out where she got that sudden burst of confidence. 

     Alex’s smile widened, deep chuckles emitting from his lips as he brought his calloused hands to shake her hand. “I’m Alex, also known as the frontman of the band.” He politely greeted, giving her hand a little squeeze. It was hard enough for him to ignore an electric spark inside his body at her touch.

    [Y/N] felt her skin tingle at his warm touch, eyes trailing over his features as she watched him resting his sun glasses on the top of his head with his other hand. She caught her breath at his handsome face, feeling her heart skip a beat at his stare. She hummed with a gentle smile, tasting his name on her lips and exhaled, his name for some reason making her feel content. “Alex. It’s nice to finally meet you. I’m [Y/N], w-which you probably know.” she bashfully greeted, cursing internally at her stuttering at the end.

     Alex rubbed her hand with his thumb, his finger tracing circles on her skin as he let out another laugh. “Oh, I definitely know. I loved your last project. You were phenomenal, love!” he complimented, his hand leaving hers in the process as he watched her smiling widely at him, noticing her heated cheeks radiating from the sun.

     “Very phenomenall that Alex wrote a song about you.” Nick interjected, hands inside his pockets as he looked at his bandmate with a look, wiggling his eyebrows making everyone laugh, including the actress, who was a furiously flustered at the attention. 

     Alex’s felt blood rush through his face, causing him to clear his throat before voicing his thoughts. He crossed his arms like two swords, “People need to know about this masterpiece. I heard the views and streams increased when the album realised.” he said proudly, smile curving upwards making realization hit the actress like a wave.

     “Now, it makes sense why fans started commenting on my Instagram if I’ve listened to Arabella.” she thought out loud, a small laugh erupting inside her throat. 

     Jamie joined her laughter, “When I think of it, the movie got ten times as many viewers compared to when it first came out. I read about it in an article about our album review.” he added into the conversation, making her eyes wide in surprise. 

     “All thanks to you,” she sang, gracefully bowing making them break into another session of laughter. Alex returned her gesture by placing a hand on his chest and bowing his head, making the actress giggle as she watched him with fond eyes. 

     The laughter soon died down around them as the pair continued to stare at each other before they were interrupted by a cough. Everyone whirled their head toward the sound, watching the director making an appearance causing [Y/N] to step forward to greet him. “I see you’ve all finally met. Nice to meet you, [Y/N], and don’t fret about it. I know, Densie told me. We want you at location two for filming.” the director ordered with a kind smile, making the actress nod her head.

     [Y/N] turned her attention back to the group, her lip pressed together with a thoughtful look as she studied every member. She hummed and gave them a kind smile. “It was nice meeting all of you. Hope we see each other soon!” she chirped making them mirror her actions. 

    Her eyes lingered longer on Alex, whose eyes were focused yet soft. She watched him giving her a warm smile, making her turn her head away toward her assistant with a smile resting on her lips. Denise gave her a look, a smile curving the assistant’s lips and turned around to walk toward their location with the actress hot on her heel.

 ㅤ  ㅤ  ㅤ  ㅤ  ㅤ ▹ ▹ ▹

     Alex was finished filming for a scene and was rushed to another location where he was going to film together with the actress. Nervous was an understatement, in fact he was almost shitting his pants and sprayed endless amount of cologne and fixed his hair before entering their new filming location. He was definitely a little upset that she didn’t recognize him, but that was merely his fault because he never got to tell her his name.

     The sound of her laughter made his heart skip a beat, a smile curving upwards as he entered the set. He politely greeted some of the crew members before his eyes landed on the actress, who had her back facing him. He let out a breath he didn't know he was holding before sauntering toward her. “Ok, Alex, act cool.” he whispered to himself, nodding and brushing his sweaty palms on his leather jacket.

     [Y/N] had her eyes closed, feeling the brush caressing over her eyelids and adding finishing touches on her makeup. She was nervously fiddling with the sleeves of her dress as her mind wandered back to the lead singer. The way his hand brushed against hers was enough for her body to ignite a spark, and she became deeply immersed with him. Something gnawed at the back of her brain, nagging and prickling at the sense of familiarity and she couldn’t put a finger on it. 

     She was so stuck in a trail of her own thoughts that she didn’t notice the makeup artist stepping back and packing her bag. A thud from the hairspray bottle hitting the floor is what snapped her out of her state and she locked eyes with the makeup artist, whose were apologetic and timid. The actress gently brushed her off and picked up the bottle to give it to her before she walked over to the kitchen counter. 

     [Y/N] leaned her back against the counter and folded her arms in front of her chest as she looked down, noticing her heels were a little dirty from stepping on mud. She heard her name being called, and she turned to see Denise throwing a pack of cigarettes toward her which she gracefully caught with both of her hands. She hummed, eyes studying the small box with narrowed eyes. “Is this real cigarettes?" She mainly asked to herself since she was always used to smoke herb cigarettes when she was filming, but she also didn’t mind if they were real and she had a habit of smoking here and there once in awhile.

     “I hope so. I’m kinda craving for a cig right now.” A deep voice filled inisde her ears, making her heart stammer against her chest as she turned her head to him, who was standing in front of her. Their close distance made her jump and she hit her back harshly against the counter causing a small gasp emit from her lips. The others, including her assistant and some of the crew members laughed. “You’re such a scaredy cat!”

     Alex felt his stomach clench at her startled state and respectfully stepped back. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you,” he apologized, eyes tinted with guilt. He watched her brush him off with a hand gesture, her small chuckles vibrating from her chest.

     “It’s alright. I’m always jumpy, and to answer your question, yes, they are very much real.” she reassured, cheeks hot as she referred to the cigarettes, taking one stick out and placing it on her lips. She patted her waist and looked beside her for a lighter, eyebrows furrowed as her mind went back to a few moments ago, wondering if Denise gave her a lighter or not.

     The sound of a lighter igniting made her turn her head, looking at Alex covering one hand over the small fire as he gave her a smile. “May I?” His smile took her breath away, leaving her speechless and she could only nod before inched closer. [Y/N] rested the cigarette between her fingers with a hum, blowing out the smoke by turning her head to the side to avoid him inhaling the smoke. She turned her head back to him, already finding him looking at her the same way she was looking at him — tenderness. 

     She brought the cigarette toward him, which he gently took out of her hand. She felt his fingers brush against hers, the warmth of his skin quickly disappearing as it appeared. The pair continued by taking turns with a comfortable silence surrounding them, blocking out the sounds from the studio as they immersed themselves with each other.

     “I hope this isn’t weird or anything.” Alex broke the ice, making [Y/N] frown with confusion. “What do you mean?” she softly asked him, head tilted to the side as she rested both of her hands on the counter. 

     The lead singer let out a flustered chuckle, feeling his words getting stuck inside his throat. “With the song and all that.” he tried to explain and internally cursed for the choices of his words, feeling blood rushing through his ears.

     [Y/N]’s eyes crinkled from smiling. She shook her head, giving him a simper. “Oh God no. This is not weird at all. In fact, I’m very honored to have a song written about me. It’s nice to see someone else’s love for the movie as much as I do.” she admitted, leaving the counter as she found herself inching closer.

     With every close step she took his breath away, and the way she simply smiled at him set fireworks from his soul. His heart was beating against his chest and he was pretty sure that she could hear the way it was furiously pounding. He licked his lips before speaking, his brown eyes gazing into hers. “That’s good to hear.” he said, his voice barely above a whisper, but she heard him nonetheless.

     [Y/N] studied him, feeling herself getting self-conscious with the way he was looking at her. “What?” she puzzled at him, cocking her head to the side. She felt crimson painting her cheeks and she scrunched her nose. “I can’t tell if you’re staring at me for the sake of staring, or planning a murder inside your head.” she voiced her thoughts, making Alex chuckle. 

     Alex puffed out the smoke, slowly exhaling before giving her a look she couldn’t quite decipher. “You really don’t remember me, do you?” he genuinely asked, eyes soft as he watched her face falter for a second.

     [Y/N] furrowed her eyebrows, eyes studying every feature of his handsome face. She stepped closer, their lips a few inches away. She brought her hand to rest on his, gently using her fingers to grab the hold of the small stick as she looked at him. She noticed a small mole under his lips, eyes trailing over his slightly chapped lips before she searched for his brown eyes. She felt his hot breath fan over her face, the scent of mint and cigarettes and that was enough for her mind to wander back to her suppressed memories. 

     The smell of cigarettes and mint fanned her face and her eyes trailed over to his lips, wanting so badly to have his chapped lips against her. She felt his hand drifting up to hold the side of her neck, cupping her cheek as she melted into his touch. She rested her forehead against his, savoring his touch and the intimate moment between them.

     A wave of emotions hit her like a tidal wave, her mind taking in every detail of their interactions and she blinked as realization engulfed her. Her mind traveled back to the old pub in Sheffield, from rembering helping the long-haired musician to ignite his cigarette to him protecting her from the paparazzi. Her heart did a backflip, beating vigorously as she felt herself growing hot. 

     [Y/N] turned her head to him, who was already looking at her with a fond look. She hummed, placing her hands behind her back. “Did I look good on the dancefloor?” she cheekily asked, making Alex laugh with a nod.

     “You did look good on the dancefloor. In fact, you outshined the crowd with your dancing,” he admitted, biting his lip as he looked into her eyes, making her let out a sound of satisfaction. 

     “Oh my God, it’s you,” she breathed out, eyes softening as she looked at him and grabbed his arm. A growing smile reached her lips. “The cute long-haired musician.” she said with a giddy laugh as she bounced on her feet. Alex felt his cheeks flush at the name and grinned, his eyes lighting up like a christmas tree as he looked at her. “You remember?”

     [Y/N]’s eyes gleamed as she nodded her head eagerly, “I knew it was something familiar about you—all of you actually. I just couldn’t pinpoint exactly where, and everything about that night–well, Sheffield was all blurry and I have a memory of a goldfish.” she tried to explain, but ended wobbling with her words making the singer chuckle.

     “But….I finally got your name after almost ten years.” she bubbled with a grin, pushing away some hair from her face. “I’m gonna be having a talk with Miles and Cindy about gatekeeping you.” she said in a dramatic tone, making Alex’s shoulders shake from laughter. 

     Alex gave her a funny look, “Gatekeep? They didn’t tell you about me? Not even Miles?” he asked, face scrunching as he thought of his friend for not mentioning him. 

     The actress shrugged, “I guess they did and when I think of it, I’ve heard your name, but I didn’t know they talked about you, or any of the members, really, to be honest. You didn’t get the chance to tell me your name and I was so upset that night that I suppressed everything that happened with the paps and everything.” she told him with a breathy chuckle, face deep in thought with her lips pressed into a thin line. “And Cindy decided to shut her mouth about it, which she’s in trouble for by the way, and now I’m here just realizing things.” she finished almost breathless, moving her eyes to look at him.

     Alex’s lips curved upwards, nodding his head at the information. “What a story,” he said, making [Y/N] giggle with a nod. “Yeah, and I’m still processing here,” she joked, leaning her back against the counter and placing the cigarette on the ash tray beside her.

     Alex shook his head and chuckled, causing a smile forming on her delicate features. The sound of his laughs made her stomach swirl with butterflies, as well as pink dust dancing across her cheeks. A comfortable silence engulfed around the pair, with the sounds of clamours echoing through the studio. Alex looked back at her, noticing her having her attention on the camera crew setting up for their next shoot. He watched her moving her head back to him, making them share a soft smile. 

     “I remember so being devastated after what happened with the paps. We got divided and I just lost you. I went looking for you, but Jamie told me you guys left.” he broke the silence between them, grabbing the lifeless cigarette from the ash tray to his lips. 

     Her eyes softened, resting her hand on his arm by gently rubbing circles down his arm. She hummed, “Well, I’m here now.” she softly said in a low tone, but enough for him to hear. “I’m not going anywhere this time.”

     Alex’s eyes formed into a youthful glee when she said it, stifling back a grin on his handsome features as he looked at her. “Good.” he said, feeling his heart doing a backflip at the way she was looking at him.

     Before [Y/N] could open her mouth, a loud clap behind them made the pair whirl their head toward the sound. The director had a beaming simper etched onto his features as he neared the duo. “I see you’ve already started without me. I think we’re going to use that. You guys really have chemistry!” the director chimed, pointing a finger at them.

     The pair shared a flustered smile before moving their gaze toward the director, and the actress moved her eyes to her assistant, who gave her a knowing look as she wiggled her eyebrows at her. [Y/N] bit back a smile, biting her lower lip and averting her eyes away from Denise to the director before voicing her thoughts. She cleared her throat, earning the director’s attention making her cheeks tint a dust of pink. “Uh…I know the music video solely focuses on Alex, but is there anything specific you want me to do?” she asked, shifting her body to the side to snatch the small stick from Alex toward her lips. 

     The director snapped his fingers, “Exactly that!” she said, pointing a finger at her as she exhaled the smoke before letting out a laugh. “You’re gonna smoke some cigarettes, look mysterious just like the song displays. We’re thinking about doing what the song says to get a clear view of who Arabella is, and we’re also gonna add some clips from your movie.” the director explained, making her nod her head as she flicked the smoke on the ash tray. 

     “Great! Let’s do some magic, guys!” the director told everyone, walking back to his original position as he ordered the camera crew to get ready. 

     Alex and the actress shared another smile before the singer brought his hand to her. “You ready, my lady?” he asked her with a cheeky look, which she happily responded with a soft smile as she intertwined their hands. “I was born ready, baby. Let’s do this.”

[donnerpartyofone]

Tumblr is a funny thing because I think we each have some kind of generality about the character of this platform that we assume is universal, which it really isn't. The other day someone I follow said something about this being the social media site where everyone has tech jobs, and I thought Oh huh, I thought this was the chronic unemployment website! Then I saw a post where someone was saying that she didn't believe that anybody REALLY ruminates on embarrassing experiences forever, she thinks that's a completely made-up unrealistic emo pose and in real life everyone just gets over all their shit in a matter or days or weeks, and several of that person's followers piled on in agreement, and I was like...I mean not only is neurotic ruminating a real and common mental problem, but I definitely thought "everyone on Tumblr" ruminates on their humiliating experiences forever! I thought this was the clinical depression and generalized anxiety disorder website.

But anyway this thing happens where you join Tumblr and you follow whoever looks good to you, and then after seeing that cohort's reblogs and interactions with strangers for a while, you can start to forget that almost everything you see is in some way triggered by your own editorial choices, even if indirectly. It can start to feel like what's on your dash is "everything", it is representative of the entire usership of Tumblr. And then one day you find yourself criticizing this conceptual monolith you created, and you start using that hostile, performative Tumblr "y'all" to address the crimes of a mass of people who you imagine to be simultaneously a) attentively following your blog, and b) in opposition to everything you stand for. You think to yourself People on Tumblr are fucking crazy, why are they all like this?, forgetting entirely that the whole thing is chiefly defined by your choices and you are in no way experiencing objective reality.

This diatribe has been brought to you by a blazed post I just saw featuring a wedding photo of a guy in USMC dress blues, where the guy is saying that he wants to make Taylor Swift say hi to his wife for their 10th anniversary but he doesn't know how to get in touch with her, so he has come to Tumblr where he thinks there are people who know how to get the most famous person on the Planet of Earth to do personal favors for randos. This was so divorced from the reality I'm familiar with on every single level, I just sat there staring at the post for minutes trying to pick a reaction to it. And then after that I saw another blazed post of a girl taking a selfie in a fancy hotel, and I found that her entire blog was just stock photos of hot rich people gently making out in luxury settings. And I remembered, ah yes. This, too, is Tumblr.

[teatitty]

This will not make any sense to anyone who does not religiously follow my Iruka posts but I woke up with the vivid idea of Iruka offhandedly telling Kurenai not to burden herself with his health problems [the chronic back pain] and Kurenai getting so mad about this she tugs his hair to make him look at her and asks if he thinks it's a burden when Kakashi gets migraines. Is it a burden when he has to lay down flat and hold a press over his eye because it throbs so harshly? Is it a burden when Gai's neurotic hyper energy goes too far, and we have to remind him of an inside voice? Is it a burden when we help one another out of the hospital? When Asuma got injured on a mission and needed help limping back?

And Iruka can't say anything to this because no, he doesn't see any of that as a burden he can only say "That's different" without being able to explain why and then Kurenai hits him with "We're friends, Iruka. You could be missing half your limbs and I'd still be in your life." Iruka, of course, doesn't know how to deal with that either, outside of getting irritated and bothered and shrugging her off so he can leave only to feel like an arsehole when he gets back home

He feels so bad about it, in fact, that next time he sees Kurenai he drops off some takowasa for her to eat and awkwardly accepts her invitation to sit at the table with her. He gets better about accepting her help after that

[davekitties]

Just realized that the reason I feel chronic dysphoria is because from an early age, I noticed that AFAB people have way less freedom, from the toys we were allowed to play with, to the chores we were forced to do, while our AMAB siblings/friends weren't subjected to this.

I was around 4 or 5 years old when I "gave up" on conforming to the feminine role my parents so desperately wanted me to fill. This couldn't wouldn't last forever. I was 13 years old when my parents' constant jabs and remarks finally got to me, and I believed that if I conformed to their idea of what I was supposed to be, things would be easier.

So, I got rid of my gym shorts, my cargo shorts, my random, comfy, t shirts; my mom took most of my "boys" toys away (bionacle, pokemon, all video games really, and even the legos too). I traded what I was comfortable in, what made me happy, for some dresses, a pair of heels, and more responsibilities.

I often think back to when I was 8 years old, and my mom had gotten me another baby doll as a toy. I took the baby doll and put it under my bed, with the other, unopened/never played with baby dolls she had gotten me. My mom saw me do this, and when she found half a dozen unopened baby dolls, she started screaming at me for being ungrateful. I told her I didn't like them and that I never had (which I had told her before). She snatched up the unopened baby doll and told me to get into the car because we were going to walmart to return it since I didn't want it.

When we get to Walmart, I'm looking at the toys I actually like when I see a beautiful orca plush on the bottom shelf. I tell mom that's what I want. She grabs it, checks the price, and then she starts to smile. She tells me that its on clearance for $9, and she even asks me if I want anything else (she had spent $30 on the baby doll she had gotten me). I tell her no, I just want the one orca plushie, and she gets so excited because she now has an extra $20. We both walked out of walmart smiling that day.

It's weird, having parents that tell you that you can do anything, be anything, achieve anything; yet when you don't conform to their idea of what that "anything" is, you are shamed and disciplined. Forced to fall into line.

A lifetime of trying to be what they forced me to be is tiring. I never wanted this, I wanted more. I wonder why I often feel lonely and ignored when I'm clearly not, and I believe it stems from a childhood of being told that my opinions and emotions don't matter and are irrelevant. Just hearing someone say, "Calm down," "Stop crying," or "You're acting neurotic/irrational," can still send me into a spiral, and I'm fucking 30 years old.

I know everyone always says, "It's never too late!" But, for me??? It sure feels too late. If I had stood my ground as a child, I feel like I would like myself more. Now, I'm just, "obviously a woman, from the eveyrhing about [me]." <- quote from an old coworker of mine. That's all I'm allowed to be.

[stephenjaymorrisblog]

Between Narcissism and Altruism

Stephen Jay Morris

3/28/2024

©Scientific Morality

            The voices in my head clutter up the canyons of my mind. “Don’t be a victim!” “Man up!” “Do it yourself!” “Get off my lawn!” “What are you looking at?” “Be a man!” “Ring, ring on the telephone!” “Monday is the deadline!” “Don’t be so selfish!” “You’ve got to think about yourself sometimes!” “Oh! My Bob!” Shut the fuck up! SHUT UP!

            I do care. I really do. When women and children are starving to death, being maimed, and killed by weapons of war, and you express that emotion, most conservatives say, “Why don’t you adopt them and have them sleep in your garage!” Most conservatives are narcissists. Certain political ideologies attract those with personality disorders. Sociopaths make personal liberty into malignant selfishness. That sentiment ranges from libertarians to Paleo-conservatives: Me first, my family second, and my country on third base.

            Oh, those on the left, on the other hand, are neurotic, clinically depressed, anal retentive, and emotionally wrecked. At one point, some smart-ass yells out, “The whole world is fucked up!” To which I reply, “No. Just you.”

            You know what is acceptable? To hate people and despise the world. But if you declare, “I hate the Irish!”—Watch out! You’re a bigot! If you hate the world, you are seen as a prophet from God. Is it acceptable to hate all except for one group of people? If you hate all countries, then you are an Anarchist terrorist. However, if you love America, but hate all other countries, you are a Patriot!

So, let’s review: Collective hatred is just fine. Specific hatred for a particular race is unacceptable. Why is that? I’ll tell you, boobie: On the left, there is the belief of international solidarity. On the right, it’s tribalism. Stick to your own kind.

            Now the main problem with the right is this gigantic contradiction: Individualism versus National pride. You remember that lunatic, Ayn Rand? Not only was she an atheist, but she believed that the rights of the individual triumphed over loyalty to their country. AKA: dying for your country is a sucker’s game. So, do you put your personal liberty over loyalty to your country? According to Ayn Rand, you put yourself over the state.

            Where do I stand politically? Does it matter? I realized, over the years, that I am not special. I try my best to be a good person. Now, in America, selfish people outnumber the good. You need a magnifying glass to find them. Morality does not come from a compass; it comes from the conjunction of your left brain and your right brain. Once you fine tune it, then you are in business.

            When I was young, my priority was to save the Vietnamese people from the American bombers destroying their homeland. Every night, the news gave up the death tolls while we ate our T.V. dinners. So, we protested and got arrested. It was better than going to the high school football game! I think and feel that we did the right thing.

            Now, Israel’s Likud Party is running a near six-month campaign of committing genocide on innocent Palestinian men, women, and children in Gaza. What can I do? Protest? Write a letter to my congressman? Bomb a building? I don’t care if you think this is a major copout, but I am tired, I suffer from comorbidity ailments, and I have chronic pain in various parts of my body. As such, I do nothing. The young people are managing just fine without me.

If I knew I was going to live this long, I’d have taken better care of myself. I am 70.

[local-hellhound-steals-spaghetti]

We can all agree that doodles are often poorly bred because a lot of people are breeding them for profit rather than passion for preserving a breed.

But wow am I tired of seeing the same “hot take but doodles suck and are ugly lol” post over and over. It’s big on Tiktok too and it’s so petty and immature and people act like purebred dogs aren’t a mix of various breeds that was refined into a standard over years of selective breeding. Every “pure bred” dog was a mutt at some point.

People like doodles. Yes it’s trendy, yes doodle people can suck (especially about grooming) and yes they’re probably a poor fit for some people but they’re not going anywhere. They’re great little dogs and they seem to be fitting into families pretty well, regardless.

Considering that the average person with a dog is probably not using that dog for it’s breed’s intended purpose, why can’t we move towards selectively breeding dogs for the purposes of living in homes? Doodles seem to be what that is. The dog that’s social, cuddly, energetic and doesn’t majorly shed (which makes them more appealing as an indoor dog for people who hate fur everywhere)

To clarify, I’m not saying the mass production of doodles via puppy farms and the irresponsible breeding of backyard breeder doodles is okay. But to me I just feel like there’s such an intense hatred of doodles from purebred fanatics that seems so unwarranted.

I used to be a dog groomer so I get that a lot of the doodles are neurotic - and same with the nuts people that demand you brush out their severely matted Cavoodle and lose their shit when you shave the mats off so the poor dog can move properly again!

But damn it’s not as if other breeds aren’t like that at all! I’ve met many poorly bred purebred dogs that had major anxiety issues, genetic disorders ect.

Doodles can be great little dogs. And there’s a standard being developed for the Cobberdog here in Australia which is a doodle mixed with a bunch of other breeds to create a low shed, fleecy fur dog (great for sensory issues), moderate energy, handler focused dog for assistance dog work. There are breeders that are producing really solid dogs with mixes like these.

And to the people that say - “just get a poodle” for assistance or therapy dog work - they are great but they do have high energy needs and that’s hard for bad mental health days or chronic illness flare ups. I love poodles but I have a sighthound because my mental health can’t deal with a high energy needs dog.

Tbh the main issue is the lax regulation around breeding dogs, especially when it comes to puppy farms and backyard breeding, and the lack of standard, health testing ect. Which is not the fault of the dogs that are just. Existing.

[bourbon-ontherocks]

Don’t really know anyone else that watches this show lol but I fell like I need to rant. Honestly “The Art of Crime” is a good show, I like how well they incorporate the art and the artist and they have an array of suspects to choose from. My only gripe is how they’re writing Antoine and Florence relationship, especially Florence.

I got that she’s quirky and she’s got issues she’s working through and I like how often she goes to therapy for that. But I have no idea why they portray her as a child when it comes to Antoine. It was bad enough when they introduced Juliette and he’s already hooking up with her at the end of the episode. But she’s still pining after him, even going so far as to wear the wedding ring, pretending she’s in a relationship with Pardo, and then twice kissing Antoine even though she knows he’s with Juliette and she saw it! I mean, it’s just so childish!

I’m sure you see it differently, how do you explain her behavior?

... Well, those season 6 links escalated quickly! 😂

Look, anon, I'm gonna be honest here and say that I don't really see your point. You're mentioning wildly different things that, even if they connect to each other on some level, have radically different causes, and I see no childishness in any.

Pining after someone isn't a childish thing to do, unless adults can control their heart and feelings now and nobody thought to inform me.

The first kiss was an undercover one. Also Juliette did the exact same thing with her target two episodes before. I don't see the issue here.

Wearing the ring was the consequence of an impulsive decision to live a fantasy just for a minute, and pretending to date Pardo the only way out of the unintended catastrophe that ensued (which, incidentally, remains one of the most hilarious trainwreck I've ever seen on TV)

And so on.

And of course, the bigger picture depicts someone with HUGE issues to address, and a chronic walking disaster, but to me it doesn't mean that Florence is a child, in fact she's a grown woman with a very adult approach to many of her relationships. It's just that in her case, her inner child (we all have one by the way) takes over a little more often than average. That she loves living in a fantasy. That she's impulsive. That she's a dreamer.

And sure, she's completely neurotic and I love that she's seeing a therapist but it's mostly because for me the only thing that's superior to the "walking disaster who should see a therapist" kind of character is the "actually sees a therapist and manages to STILL be a walking disaster" type.

Obviously you are totally entitled to your opinion on her actions, but pardon my bluntness here, I genuinely don't think The art of crime is a show for you if you're seeing it that way. And that's fine, not everything is for everyone! But the whole show is about the way reality and imagination interlace in our lives, it's about how art bleeds through real life, it's about fantasy, hell why do you think there are so many dreams/hallucinations/imaginary conversations/magical realism sequences?? The entire show is about Florence and the way she sees the world, actually, and stating "I like the show but I dislike Antoine and Florence's relationship and/or Florence's actions" sounds like a total oxymoron to me, because that's the point of the show.

Besides, it looks like you're assessing her actions according to a "real life" moral compass which sure, why not (although it's never proven itself to be a good idea), but I think this is missing the point entirely. The show is supposed to be goofy!! This is not something that should be taken seriously.

Also, this might be unintentional, but the way you phrased your ask suggests that you're asking me to justify myself for enjoying Florence's character, which is something I do not appreciate. I do not owe you anything, and frankly I have better things to do than trying to "convince" you or whatever. I'm glad that you got to rant if you needed to, but I'm not gonna write a full-length essay defending Florence's behaviour and explaining the essence of her character as I see it (in case you were wondering this was not an essay, we barely grazed the surface of the beginning here 😂).

I'm sorry that this reply probably won't meet your expectations, and I apologize if I misinterpreted some of the stuff you said in your ask, but I sincerely don't know what else to say, and I'm not interested in getting into an argument over whether Florence is childish or not.

That being said, feel free to come back anytime, and maybe I'll have more interesting insights then... 🥺

[havenroze]

Two independent friends of the bride* both told me they found me intimidating??? From my perspective I am terminally awkward, generally neurotic, and suffer chronically from “just a little guy” syndrome, where do we find intimidating in there???