#we should not be afraid to heal
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THIS! So many of my friends I have had to save and lift up because the second person I told an adult was thinking of suicide was hospitalized and drugged.
Even when I struggled, I did my best to follow my own advice because the fear of being locked away and injected with things I just have to trust they're telling the truth on is overpowering. Sooo many mental hospitals are actually horrible and very few are good. Its genuinely horrifying.
I should not have been a young teenager holding myself up while I help up others. Some of these people I don't even speak to anymore, but they have thanked me endlessly and shared stories of what has happened to them in hospitals since then or to friends who got put in hospitals. Something needs to change, badly.
suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking
#we should not be shamed for healing#we should not be afraid to heal#or ask for help#or save ourselves#when i was thinking of killing myself#i had to seperate myself from that part of me#there are now two halves of me permanently#and so often i am powerless against the one that chants for my life#and so often i am powerless against the part of me that wants to live#it is an endless fight that i must fight alone#because if i told a medical professional this id be locked away#drugged#and hidden from a world i fought so hard to stay in#how is that fair?
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chat i think im gonna be sick
(Powers of X #6)
#xmen#xmen comics#powers of x#charles xavier#snap scans#snap chats#moira stronger than me like ik why we here we're gonna die if not and so that is why she is stronger than me she is committing#i woulda kissed him in this moment too tho she and i are family on that front im afraid i do find him very cute#also. SIDE TANGENT. i loved the art before this of charles slowly processing the horrors of moiras mind ...#EXCELLENT art i must eat it at once#the most devious part of this is after i finished reading i went to go to my brother to talk about What I Read#and the second i pulled up like 'his sad eyes Brother im gonna be sick' he immediately quoted this page I HATE IT HERE#thats why they had to put that dome over charles' eyes so no one could look at his sad eyes anymore#this is in fact something i love and always love seeing but it still hurts i will not LIIIEEE#cant wait to read bout how this all goes horribly wrong ....#while my bro and i were talkin we were talkin bout other in-between stories an i wanna check those out at some point ...#maybe ill check my comic shop sometime in the future idk. for now im gonna throw up !!!!!!!!!!#i will simply spend tomorrow watching the rest of 92 im almost done with it. relatively speaking i will feel healed then probably#i got like two seasons left which is basically the same length as season 3 and then its onto 97#thats just one season for now so ... should finish that quick ..#ok bye i have Being Sick to be
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I sometimes wonder how much Louis is able to withstand. It’s a lot of heartbreak in a short amount of time. I got to thinking about this when I’ve been catching up on old 1D footage and even after 1D ended how they really supported each other.
A couple of things that are like daggers to the heart… that hug they shared at the last show. I know we all focused on the Larry hug but with some of these videos & tik toks people are sharing on Twitter, I really saw the Lilo hug. I teared up. They were so close even with the band ending. And then I think of Liam wearing Louis’ merch. Ugh I teared up again. Louis defending Liam on that radio show, teared up again. These darn lilo compilations lol. It’s just minutes of pure emotion. I feel like Louis once again lost such a big part of his support system that he and we thought he’d have for many years to come. Oh and the “I thought we’d share the same stage again but it wasn’t meant to be” part. And how Liam said that Louis would purposely start these water fights to make Liam smile and be like a kid again.
To see how he was publicly grieving by posting not only his statement but the pictures he posted of the 2 of them and then also posting his latest song to encourage people to stream it. It just kills me to see Louis be the next big target online. The amount of hate & wishes of harm on him so soon after Liam’s passing is gross. I hope Louis stays far away from social media and just concentrates on himself during this difficult time.
Oh, that was a bit soul cleansing lol. Sorry to bring up all of this, things just really got to me yesterday. I hope everyone can take steps to heal, I guess I realized my process might be a little longer ❤️🩹 Take care!
🫂
#i think Louis has a very strong support system#even with his fans#it’s different than the hate Liam has been receiving#also they are different personality wise#i just hope Harries will stay the fuck away from#him and I just hope they will all will stay away from public eye for a long time#i know this is not what is going to happen because sooner or later they’ll be back#especially Harry cause I can’t imagine they will hold back whatever project they have for a long time#i just wish they would tho because I don’t think anybody needs it#it will take me like 2 to 3 years to be able to consider the idea that we should move on#i am considering selling zayn tickets too because honestly i cant imagine what it must feel like#for us but also for him?#im dreading that moment#mostly because I know it will happen earlier than ill be ready for it#and i will hate seeing everyone happy and celebrating how life moves on#and im struggling with that too#i hope louis knows there is no rush#i hope he sits down and heals and recovers before thinking it’s taking too much time or whatever#there is no rush and i hope he knows it#i hope he knows there is the option to stop and take care of himself#the option is there and it’s valid#he didn’t have this option when his mom died. he didn’t have this option when his sister died#i just hope he knows this is different and should be treated differently this time#for the others… i don’t follow them closely so i don’t care#even if i am afraid they will move on soon#but with louis… yeah I hope he manages the pressure of it well#also just remembered Louis was seen wearing Liam’s merch#and honestly im broken now#casella di posta numero 32
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Pt.3 SILLLY LITTLE BAT.
pairings ⸺ Yandere! Platonic! Batfamily x Anti-hero! Fem!reader.
sinopsis ⸺ There are only memories, fragments of a past that, like shadows, will haunt you until your last breath, whispers of what was and will never be. Gotham cries out for a guardian, a soul to face the darkness, to challenge fate in its shadowy alleys.
But tell me, who will rise to protect you, traveler of scars and broken dreams? Who will watch over your light when the world swallows your hopes?
In the eternal night, amidst the echo of fear and longing, there is only one path: to confront the monsters and become the hero this city needs, even if the price is the forgetting of oneself.
warnings ⸺ Dark Themes, Dead, Religion, murdering,Disturbing Content, Unhealthy Obsession, Discrimination, Street Fights, Gaslight, Violence, Blood, LGBT Content, Child Abuse, Kidnapping, Implicit Sexual Content, Mental Illness, Addiction, Torture, Corruption, Isolation, Trauma, Phobias, Paranoia, Manipulation.
Chapter guide! Pt.1 Pt2. Pt.4
A/N — English is not my first language—Spanish is— Here is the continuation of the other parts. There will be a few more parts but you should know that we will soon reach the end, but there are still things to clarify and so on. I don't know if you would like me to do another Batfam yandere series in the future or similar. Send me your ideas if you want :3
They are upset because I left
Where they never included me.
The car moved slowly under the gray sky of Gotham, as if the universe itself understood the weight of the pain you carried in your small figure. Commissioner Gordon, with his firm hands on the wheel, cast furtive glances at the rearview mirror, where he saw you curled up in the back seat. Wrapped in an old blanket, the same one you had hugged for days, your face was hidden among the folds, but the silent tears that fell could not be disguised. There were no words that Gordon could offer to heal the recent wound of losing your mother, but his empathy, though silent, was there, wrapping around you like the coat that couldn't quite warm you.
In your lap, a small Batman doll rested, pressed against your chest, as if that fabric toy could protect you from the world that had just destroyed your innocence. Your eyes, still swollen and red, looked out the window without seeing, watching the city that seemed so distant, so foreign.
"You will be loved and cherished," Gordon whispered, breaking the silence that had weighed like fog in the car. "Bruce Wayne... he will take care of you, I promise."
But you didn't respond immediately. The name Wayne felt strange, distant, as if he spoke of someone living in a story, not in your reality. You looked up, your eyes meeting Gordon’s for a second in the rearview mirror.
"And if they don't want me...?" you murmured, insecurity clouding your childish voice. "I don't know them, Commissioner... and they don't know me. What if they leave me in an orphanage? Mama always told me those places aren't nice."
Gordon swallowed hard, understanding the depth of your fear. "You were just a child, but you had already learned that love was not a guarantee." The world had taught you that cruel lesson too soon.
"The Waynes..." he began, searching for the right words, "are good people. You might not understand it at first, but I assure you they have suffered too. Bruce..." he paused, recalling the losses that man had faced. "He understands what it is to lose someone. He will do everything he can to make you feel safe, to help you find a home again."
But you kept looking at the doll in your hands, your fingers squeezing it tightly, as if it were the only stable thing in a world crumbling around you.
The silence grew heavy, uncomfortable, as if the words wanted to come out but didn’t know how. Again, Gordon spoke, his voice low, almost afraid to break the stillness.
"And/y/n... what was your mom like?" he asked softly, not taking his eyes off the road, as if by doing so, he could give you space to be honest, to not feel pressured.
You fell silent for a long moment, your small fingers nervously playing with the edges of the blanket. The world outside the car seemed a reflection of what you felt inside: cloudy, cold, distant.
Finally, you exhaled, as if gathering the courage to speak. Your voice came out shaky at first, filled with a mix of sadness and a hard-to-accept truth.
"My mom..." you murmured, not taking your eyes off the window. "She wasn't a good person, but... she wasn't a villain either."
Gordon nodded slowly, without interrupting you. He knew things were rarely black or white, that life had that cruel ability to mix the two.
"She... told me she grew up in an orphanage. She never had anything that was really hers." You paused, your eyes glassy as you recalled details that now seemed more painful than ever. "Well, except for me."
"Gordon felt a knot form in his throat." He knew that loss was a terrible burden to bear, but there was something more in your words, something suggesting that, amidst it all, there had also been love. An imperfect love, but real.
"She always dreamed of having a little house..." you continued, and for the first time, a faint smile appeared on your face, though it was tinged with melancholy. "A house with a garden, lots of Barbie dolls, and a little dog. She didn't need more. She just wanted something that was hers."
You stopped for a moment, as if the simple act of recalling those dreams your mother had hurt you. You knew she would never have them. That the world had been cruel to her, denying her even the small things she wished for so fervently.
"But... she never got it. We were always moving around, fleeing, searching for something better. And now... she doesn’t even have that."
The car seemed to shrink, the air denser. Gordon felt a wave of compassion for that woman who, though perhaps not perfect, had dreamed of something so simple, so human, and yet had not achieved it.
"I'm so sorry, Y/n," he murmured.
"Commissioner, what if... what if I can't forget her?" you asked, almost in a whisper. "What if I can't stop thinking about Mom?"
The silence in the car became heavy, almost tangible. Gordon wanted to tell you that you didn't have to forget, that it was natural to carry that pain. But the words didn't come, and instead, only a long sigh escaped his lips.
"It's not about forgetting, Y/n," he finally said, his voice low but firm. "It's about moving forward, even though it hurts. Your mother would want you to find happiness again, even though it may not seem possible now. And I’m sure Bruce will do everything in his power to help you."
The car turned onto the long, dark road leading to Wayne Manor. The trees formed a tunnel of shadows, as if the road were wrapped in the same mourning you carried within. The mansion, with its imposing grandeur, appeared in the distance, its walls as high as the secrets it held. "You were so small in the face of the immensity of this new life that awaited you."
"We're almost there," Gordon said softly, as he slowed down. "The wind outside whispered through the trees, like an echo of everything you had lost."
You didn’t know it at that moment, but that house would be full of stories, some broken, others in the process of healing. And although you felt like a stranger in a strange land now, Gordon hoped that, one day, that place would become your refuge.
The car stopped in front of the enormous gates. Gordon looked at you one last time before getting out. In his eyes, you could see a mix of sadness and hope, an empathy that went beyond words.
"You are not alone, Y/n," he said, his voice now firmer. "You will never be alone again."
You remained silent, gazing at the mansion as you clung to the blanket and the Batman doll. The weight of the world still rested on your small shoulders, but for the first time, there might have been a glimmer of relief in knowing that someone, even if he was a strange and distant man, was waiting for you inside."
And in that moment, although you still felt the burning pain of your loss, a ray of hope began to break through the shadows of your heart.
Y/n was sitting in the BatCafé, that corner of the city where the tables wobbled and conversations were woven into murmurs, as if the place knew how to keep secrets that even you wouldn’t dare to share aloud. The walls, a mossy green, were filled with stories that no one had asked for. She looked at her lukewarm latte as one looks at a future that hasn’t quite arrived, a liquid mockery evaporating before it could warm her hands. It had barely been a month since she left her family home, but she already felt that independence was more of a myth than a fulfilled dream. At first, the heroism of having thrown herself into the world had filled her with pride, but now reality lurked like a treacherous chill seeping through the cracks, and the fact that she was waiting for her potential roommate didn’t help matters.
“Well, at least the rent will be cheaper,” she told herself, or rather to the coffee, as if the dark liquid could reply with something sensible.
Sharing an apartment was, for Y/n, the only way out. Her salary barely covered survival, but only if she fed on fresh air and broken dreams. And there she was, waiting for someone named Pamela Isley, who, according to the ad, didn’t even seem to be from this planet. "I hope she’s not one of those people with invisible cats," she thought. Of course, the alternatives weren’t very promising: people who collected Batman figurines or guys who made friends with cockroaches in the kitchen. She had seen it all; after all, her apartment was in one of the most dangerous areas of Gotham, and she knew it all too well.
You were born in that area. One could say the neighborhood chose you before you had a chance to choose it. You didn’t remember exactly which apartment; in that hive of broken windows and half-painted bricks, all the floors seemed like a blurry copy of the previous one, each with the same square footage and an air of silent resignation. In the end, it didn’t matter, because in a way, everything was the same. Dust in the corners, worn tiles, cracks in the walls that seemed to form a map of some invisible and secret city, a place that only you could decipher if you stopped to observe long enough.
It was an unpretentious place, where people rarely smiled, but neither did they let themselves be trampled. There was something in the air, a kind of poorly disguised pride, as if every neighbor, every stray dog, knew that surviving there wasn’t a matter of luck but of will. Heroes didn’t exist in that corner of the world, but villains didn’t dare impose their law without facing some gaze that, without saying anything, said it all. It was rough terrain, where kindness camouflaged behind growls and complaints, and malice grew tired before it could fully settle.
And yet, you loved it. It was absurd, but you loved it with that devotion reserved for things you don’t choose, for roots that sink into your chest without asking for permission. The place was filled with memories you didn’t ask for, stories you never wanted to hear but that seeped into your skin. Tales of people who vanished in alleyways, of broken promises around the corner, of loves that drowned in factory smoke. And yet, those same tales were like echoes that held you, reminding you that you were born there, in that half-hell where life was always a fight but never a complete defeat.
The clock in the BatCafé struck six ten when the door opened. What happened next was hard to explain, like when you dream and you don’t know if it’s the pillow or the universe holding you. Pamela Isley walked in, and it was as if the wind, that autumn wind that brings memories, had gently pushed her in. Y/n looked up, and the first thing she noticed was her hair, a red that was out of this world, more fire than pigment, more nature than dye. The roots tangled as if they were living branches, and for a moment, Y/n wondered if the sun had made a mistake and was shining only on her.
Pamela walked as if she had a pact with the earth. Her steps were slow but firm, as if her feet waited for the ground to respond before settling. She wore a jacket that was impossible to describe without sounding crazy: green vines and small buds peeking out, as if at any moment the plants would grow over her. "Where does this woman come from?" Y/n thought, feeling something beyond mere curiosity. There was something she couldn’t deny, an attraction that felt unsettling, like those waves that, without warning, sweep you away when you think you can still touch the bottom.
Pamela approached the table with a calculated calm, a calm only nature or time can sculpt. And then she smiled. In that smile, Y/n felt something familiar yet strange, as if she were facing a younger version of her mother, but instead of being terrifying, it was comforting. What was happening?
“Y/n L/n?” Pamela said, her voice reminiscent of the whisper of dry leaves underfoot.
“Yes, that’s me,” Y/n answered, trying to make her voice sound normal, even though everything inside her felt out of place.
Pamela sat down across from her, crossing her legs with an almost feline elegance. The BatCafé seemed to conspire around them; the air smelled of wet earth and freshly brewed coffee, a strange mix, like the combination of what was about to be born and what had already died.
“I didn’t expect you to be…” Y/n began, not knowing exactly how to finish the sentence. She wasn’t even sure what she was expecting.
“Strange?” Pamela completed, with a playful smile that left Y/n with a sense of defeat and fascination in equal parts.
“Something like that,” Y/n replied, looking at Pamela’s hands. Her long, slender fingers were covered in small green spots, as if she had just planted a forest with her own hands. There was something almost magical about her, as if every part of her being was connected to the earth in a way that Y/n couldn’t quite understand. And there, amid that confusion, was the fine thread of attraction.
Pamela let her gaze fall on her own latte, turning it between her hands as if it were about to reveal some hidden secret in the foam.
“So, what do you do? I mean… aside from, you know… looking like you walked out of a Tim Burton movie,” Y/n said, attempting a bit of humor to ease the tension she felt in her stomach.
Pamela glanced at her and laughed softly, a laugh that felt like an unexpected breeze on a hot day.
“I’m… a caretaker. Of plants.” She paused, gauging Y/n’s reaction. “And other things.”
“Other things?” Y/n asked, intrigued but also amused by the way Pamela toyed with the mystery.
“Yes, like people who don’t know how to water a plant without drowning it,” she replied, arching an eyebrow mischievously.
The response made Y/n laugh, a laugh she hadn’t expected, as if Pamela had found a way to touch something deep within her, something that hadn’t bloomed in a long time. And without being able to help it, she felt drawn, not just by the way Pamela moved, spoke, or even by the air of mystery surrounding her, but because there was something more, something familiar, something that reminded her of her mother, but without the shadows of authority and judgment. It was like a wild, free version of what had once been security.
“So… are you going to save my cactus or criticize it?” Y/n said, trying to sound casual while feeling that her heart had started playing a game of chess with her emotions.
Pamela smiled again, and this time it was a different smile, one that seemed to carry a promise.
“It depends. Would you let me stay to try?” Pamela said, with a playful seriousness that left Y/n unsure whether the question was about the cactus or something much larger.
Y/n blinked, trying to process the phrase, but deep down she knew that any answer would sound awkward. Pamela’s question hung in the air between them like a leaf falling slowly, right at the perfect point where it was neither entirely a joke nor completely serious. And there she was, caught in that space, wondering whether she should laugh or just blush.
“Well… you can try,” she finally said, trying to hide the warmth creeping up her face. “But I can’t promise the cactus will survive. I’m something like… a serial plant killer... When I was younger, I had time to care for them as they deserved, with help from… from my father. But now work consumes me a lot, and the truth is I’ve neglected them too much… they must feel the same way I felt when… sorry, I talk too much about myself, don’t I?”
Pamela raised an eyebrow, with a smile that seemed to say more than either of them dared to voice at that moment.
“Oh, no, keep talking about yourself; I’m used to it. I have very… eccentric friends, to be honest.” She leaned a bit closer, as if about to share a secret. “Though I prefer not to work under threats, so don’t look at me like I’m going to be your next plant murder victim. But I doubt a little scared bat can kill even a fly.”
Y/n laughed nervously, surprised at how easy Pamela made everything. She, who had always been clumsy with conversations and glances, felt like the words flowed with Pamela in a way she didn’t quite understand but didn’t want to question either.
“...Little Bat?” Y/n asked, with a clumsy and blushing smile as her fingers nervously toyed with the edge of her cup.
Pamela let out a low giggle, that laugh that always seemed to carry the sound of dry leaves being trampled in autumn. With a gentle gesture, she pointed to her clothes.
“Is it that obvious?” she said with a half-smile, raising a playful eyebrow as she leaned a little forward.
She wore a dark fur coat, enormous, with a wide fall that, under the dim light of the BatCafé, seemed to have the precise shape of bat wings extending. The high, well-fitted black boots completed the image of a figure that seemed to have emerged from the very shadows. And for a moment, Y/n didn’t know whether to laugh or get lost in that air of mystery that Pamela seemed to wear like a second coat.
“Well…” Y/n diverted her gaze with a shy smile, “it’s not like you’re hiding it much.”
Pamela smiled with that touch of mischief that characterized her.
“Does it bother you? I’m sorry, it’s just… I’ve been fascinated by bats since I was little.” she asked, her voice low and slow, as if measuring every word, as if the world were a delicate plant that required to be touched with the tips of her fingers.
Y/n let out a small nervous laugh, feeling the heat rising to her cheeks again.
“No, not at all. I think it’s…” she hesitated for a second, searching for the right word, unsure how to avoid the obvious, “I think it suits you well.”
Pamela watched her for a moment, and then, with that look that always seemed to go beyond what words said, added:
“You’re turning red, you know?”
Y/n’s eyes widened a bit more, surprised by Pamela’s directness, but all she could do was laugh at herself.
“Well, it’s just that, I’m not really used to… this.”
“This?” Pamela repeated, raising an eyebrow. “Sharing coffee with someone or bats?”
“Both,” Y/n admitted, shrugging, which provoked another smile from Pamela. “I always wanted one as a pet… but I have a vegan little brother who’s very… spooky… so I’ve always been afraid he’d steal it from me or accuse me of having exotic pets.”
Pamela settled into the chair, not taking her eyes off Y/n.
“But you’ll get used to it,” she paused, letting her words float calmly.
Y/n felt a shiver run down her spine, a mix of nerves and a spark of something she couldn’t quite define. Pamela’s dark coat and relaxed smile were a disconcerting yet strangely familiar contrast, as if they had always been there, waiting for her. And suddenly, all she could do was wonder how soon that would happen… getting used to it.
“Although I can’t promise my apartment isn’t… a battlefield,” Y/n said, trying to sound confident, but noticing the slight tremor in her voice.
Pamela looked at her intently for a moment, with that mix of flirtation and something deeper, something that seemed impossible to decipher completely. Then she relaxed in the chair, as if the game had just begun.
“A battlefield, huh?” she said, playing with the spoon of her coffee. “Well, I like challenges. And chaotic places have their own charm if you know where to look.” Pamela let the phrase slide smoothly, like someone throwing a stone into a lake and waiting for the ripples.
Y/n couldn’t shake the feeling that every word Pamela spoke carried a double meaning, but far from making her feel uncomfortable, it sparked something akin to contained laughter, as if they were sharing a private joke that she was just beginning to access.
“Don’t you have plants at home?” Pamela suddenly asked, as if the question had sprung from the foam of her coffee.
“Well, there are a couple of cacti… and a fern that I think hates me,” Y/n replied. “But I always forget to water them. Or I overwater them. Seriously, it’s like plants come to me already doomed.”
Pamela smiled, one of those slow smiles that seem to grow little by little, like a sprout deciding when the perfect moment to emerge into the light is.
“It’s not just about water, Y/n,” she said, with that voice that seemed to carry the calm of the wind and the weight of centuries of nature. “Plants need attention. Patience. Sometimes they just want to know you’re there, even if you don’t say anything.” She paused, letting Y/n’s gaze get lost in her eyes. “Sometimes, like people.”
Y/n felt a little shiver. It wasn’t what Pamela was saying, but how she was saying it. There was something in her voice that disarmed her, as if every word had been calculated to penetrate a defense that Y/n hadn’t even realized she had up. And then, almost without thinking, she let slip a truth she rarely shared.
“I’m not very good with people.” The confession came out of her mouth before she could stop it. She said it without drama, almost as if she were talking about the weather. But something in Pamela changed, barely perceptible, like a leaf moving without the wind touching it.
“Really?” Pamela asked softly, but without an ounce of pity. Just curiosity.
Y/n looked down for a moment, fiddling with the edge of her cup, before daring to continue.
“I grew up in a huge house, but… empty. My father… well, he was busy with his things. Business, parties, the usual. Shrugging it off, wanting to downplay it, even though inside she knew it wasn’t something that could easily fade away. Alfred, the butler, raised me. And yes, he was amazing. But it was always just him and no one else. It’s not the same as having… friends.”
Pamela listened in silence, but not in that awkward way where people listen just to see how you respond afterward. No, there was something in her attention that enveloped Y/n, as if she were giving her space to bare herself without fear of being judged.
“You never had friends,” Pamela asserted more than asked.
Y/n shook her head.
“Until now,” Pamela said, with that same softness that seemed to have become her trademark, and something in Y/n’s chest stirred, as if she had just heard the most important thing in the world.
There was a moment of silence, but it wasn’t uncomfortable. It was a silence that somehow connected them. And then Pamela broke the spell, with a mischievous smile that lit everything up again.
“So… are you going to let me be your first friend, or would you rather keep killing plants?”
Y/n couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips, a sincere and liberating laugh, as if something inside her had broken an invisible chain. After all, it was clear that Pamela wasn’t just another person passing through her life. There was something different about her, something that made the air feel lighter, that made the future seem less uncertain.
“Well, if you can survive the cactus…” Y/n said, leaving the sentence unfinished, but knowing Pamela would understand.
And then, for the first time in a long time, Y/n felt that everything might be okay. That maybe, just maybe, Pamela Isley wasn’t just a roommate, but the first person in a long time with whom she could imagine a less lonely future. She was already caught in that web, and the worst, or perhaps the best part, was that she didn’t care at all.
Bruce Wayne was sitting in the mansion's garden on a gray afternoon that seemed to drag memories along like the wind drags fallen leaves. In his hands, a cup of black coffee, still steaming, its strong and bitter aroma mingling with the scent of damp earth after the rain. In front of him, on a small wrought-iron table, rested a piece of dark chocolate cake topped with melting strawberry ice cream, forming a pink puddle around it. But he found no pleasure in the view. It was more of a bitter symbol of a routine he once believed unbreakable.
In the garden, where the wilted flowers swayed gently, a little girl flitted about with contagious energy, as if the chill of the afternoon did not exist for her. Her laughter, so innocent and pure, filled the air, breaking the sepulchral silence that seemed to reign in that old home for a moment. She wore a pink dress with small white dots, an 80s style that would have been charming in another time but now seemed out of place with the scene. Her patent leather shoes shone as she ran back and forth, chasing her dolls.
In her small hands, she held action figures, one of the Batman her father portrayed and another of the Joker, his eternal rival. The girl, no older than six, organized her battles with adorable seriousness. In a high-pitched, mischievous voice, she brought the characters to life, staging an epic duel between hero and villain.
“You won’t defeat me this time, Batman!” she exclaimed, raising the Joker figure with a malevolent laugh.
“I will stop you! I always do...” she replied with her other hand, giving voice to Batman, but with a childlike touch that contrasted with the darkness of the character.
Bruce watched the scene with a mix of tenderness and pain. He knew she wasn’t really there, that this vision was nothing more than a distant echo of what never was. Y/n, his little Y/n, had vanished months ago. And he… he had never given her the love she deserved, always wrapped in his own shadows, in his endless struggle to protect a city that never rested.
The air felt thick, heavy with nostalgia and regret. The girl continued to play, laughing, talking to her dolls, oblivious to the weight of the years, to the loss. And Bruce, although he knew it was an illusion, couldn’t look away; he couldn’t stop imagining what it would have been like to give her what he never knew how to offer. What it would have been like to see her grow, to laugh more, to run through those gardens with the carefree spirit only childhood allows.
Suddenly, the sound of soft footsteps interrupted the daydream. Alfred appeared at the garden entrance, always elegant, always with that air of discretion and understanding that only he possessed. He approached slowly, placing a hand on Bruce’s shoulder as if he understood the pain that kept him trapped in that scene.
“Mr. Wayne” he said in a low voice, filled with compassion, “it’s time to come back.”
Bruce closed his eyes for a moment, letting Alfred’s words seep into his consciousness. He knew what they meant. He knew that girl, in her 80s dress and her dolls, was nothing but an idealized memory, a distorted reflection of what never was. Because Y/n wasn’t like that. She didn’t like those old dresses; she had always preferred the fashion of the 2000s, with its vibrant colors and comfortable clothes. And she never enjoyed the chocolate cake now sitting in front of him. She liked carrot cake, simple and sweet, but he had never paid attention to those details when he still could.
How did he know those little details about his daughter? Bruce often wondered. It wasn’t because he had learned them by being close, because proximity had been a luxury he never allowed himself. No, those small fragments of her life he had discovered in the album that Alfred kept with an almost reverential discretion. That album was more than just an object; it was a silent refuge where Alfred had archived what the big house, always filled with shadows and echoes of footsteps that never came, had refused to hold.
The day the children learned of the album’s existence marked the beginning of a chaos he still remembered with a mix of exasperation and a contained smile. They had decided, like little conspirators, that treasure belonged to them. A kind of all-out battle had ensued in the mansion, something that over time acquired the quality of family legends.
Bruce, standing in the study, could still see the sparkle in Damian’s eyes, the intensity, the almost playful fury with which he had taken that assault as a personal mission. Damian, with his perpetual impatience, had been the fiercest of all. He vividly remembered how his youngest son had burst into the room wielding two katanas, with the cold precision of a millennia-old warrior, even though his hands were still too small to fully grasp the handles.
“It’s mine!” Damian shouted, with that mix of stubbornness and vulnerability that only the youngest possess, as if he could cut not only the air but the very uncomfortable silence that always floated between them.
“It belongs to all of us, Damian” Bruce had tried to intervene, with that authoritative voice that, curiously, never managed to control his own children as he did with the chaos of the city.
But Damian wasn’t listening. For him, the album was not just an object; it was a relic, a bridge to something he felt but couldn’t name. His sister Y/n, so distant in daily life, was closer in those pages than in any superficial conversation they had ever had. She was his sister, but not enough. He wanted those photos, those notes that Alfred had kept, he wanted to understand what it was about her that slipped away from him daily.
Bruce watched from the threshold, not really intervening. He let the chaos unfold, as if it were necessary. The children fought, but it wasn’t just for the album. They fought for something deeper, a kind of silent reclamation of what they had never been able to have: time, connection, perhaps even love. Alfred, from a corner, merely smiled with that quiet wisdom, knowing that those battles of childish katanas, of shouts and disputes over photos and notes, were actually the way they tried to find each other in a house full of absences.
Bruce sighed, remembering. Alfred had always known more than he did, always understood those invisible things that Bruce, no matter how much he wanted to, could never quite grasp. And so it was that he himself, at the end of it all, also ended up snooping in that album, with a silent curiosity he would never admit. There, in those carefully tended pages, he found his daughter. Or at least, he found the idea of her, the pieces of a life he hadn’t shared but that, somehow, had always been present in those photos, in those little notes that Alfred, more of a father than he was, had kept with such love.
“She won’t come back, Alfred... I lost her... maybe forever... ” Bruce murmured, his voice barely audible, as if admitting it aloud would make her absence more real—“and I… I was never there for her as I should have been.”
The old butler sighed, his tired eyes filled with infinite patience.
“It’s never too late to remember, sir. It’s never too late to honor her memory in the right way.”
Bruce opened his eyes, looking again at the scene, but this time more clearly. The girl had disappeared.
The wind blew gently through the Wayne mansion's garden, carrying away the murmur of the dry leaves. Bruce remained motionless, as if the weight of the years, of the mistakes, had turned him into another statue in that landscape. The aroma of coffee had dissipated, and the cake before him remained untouched. Y/n’s figure still floated in his mind, her laughter like a distant echo that wouldn’t fade but also wouldn’t console him.
Alfred, with the patience only a father at heart could have, stood by his side, his firm hand on Bruce’s shoulder, as if in that gesture he could transmit strength to face the pain that gnawed at him.
“Mr. Wayne” Alfred began, his voice soft but laden with meaning, “the kids have gone looking for Y/n again.”
Bruce closed his eyes, allowing those words to sink into his consciousness. He knew all the Robins and Batgirls had been following leads, searching for answers in the darkest corners of Gotham, but the emptiness he felt remained overwhelming. They had failed so many times… what did another attempt matter? The city, always hungry for its heroes, seemed more a trap than a cause.
“It doesn’t matter anymore, Alfred” Bruce replied, his voice rough, worn down by years of struggle. “None of this will change what happened. Y/n… is gone.”
“With all due respect, sir,” Alfred interjected, this time with a firmer tone, “Y/n is still out there. And as long as there’s a single chance to find her, you cannot allow yourself to give up.”
Silence stretched between them. Bruce’s gaze remained fixed on some point in the garden, lost in thought. But Alfred, with his usual insight, knew he needed more than empty words to awaken him.
“There’s something else,” Alfred added, taking a breath, “a new figure appeared last night during a robbery in the East District. They call her Kerosene. The White Bat. She was seen taking out a group of assailants in seconds.”
Bruce didn’t react. Kerosene. The city had always generated figures willing to fill the void he had left every time he stepped away, every time Gotham lost the light of its vigilante. But this time, he didn’t feel the urgency to learn more. What did it matter? He repeated to himself. Gotham already had its heroes.
“I don’t care” he murmured, his voice empty, as cold as the air surrounding the garden—“Let others deal with Gotham. Kerosene, the Joker, or whoever… the city doesn’t need me anymore.”
Alfred tightened his grip on Bruce’s shoulder, almost like a father refusing to see his son give up. He stepped forward, and this time his voice was lower but more incisive.
“This isn’t about Gotham, sir,” he said with an intensity Bruce hadn’t expected—“It’s about Y/n.”
Bruce lifted his gaze, his eyes finally meeting Alfred’s, as if those words had ignited a spark within him.
“If you don’t want to protect this city, do it for her ” Alfred continued—“Because you will find her, sir. I’m sure of it. And when you do… how would you want her to find you? Destroyed? Defeated? No. You need to be ready, you need to be strong, for her. Wherever she is, Y/n is still waiting for her father.”
Bruce felt the pain in his chest intensify, a constant reminder of his failure, but Alfred was right. Y/n was somewhere out there. Alive or not, it didn’t matter. What mattered was that as long as he didn’t find her, he couldn’t give up.
“The kids have done everything they can to find her,” Alfred said, softening his tone—“They’re still at it. Every day they search for new leads, explore new corners of Gotham… but there’s only one man who can put everything in order. There’s only one father who can bring her back.”
The air tensed between them, and for the first time in a long time, Bruce felt a slight tremor inside. He remembered the moment he decided to become Batman, driven by the guilt and pain of losing his parents. Now, that same guilt, that same pain, called to him again, but this time, it wasn’t for Gotham. It was for Y/n. His daughter.
“Tell me, Alfred, who is this Kerosene?” Bruce murmured, finally reacting to the information Alfred had given him.
“Yes, sir. Her abilities are astonishing, according to reports. Agile, fast… but her true identity remains a mystery. Some say she’s just another vigilante trying to fill the void you left. But the important thing is that she is acting with lethal precision.”
Bruce stood slowly, leaving the cup of coffee on the table, already cold and forgotten. He looked at the empty garden, but this time, with a new determination blooming in his chest.
“If this Kerosene is connected… if there’s any link to Y/n, I will find out,” he said, his voice firmer, closer to the one Alfred had known for so many years—“And if not… then I’ll find her myself.”
Alfred nodded, a mix of relief and satisfaction reflected on his face. He had managed to awaken the man Gotham needed, but more than that, he had awakened the father Y/n deserved.
“ Very well, sir,he replied with a slight smile, always the unwavering servant—“The Batcave is ready for your return.”
Bruce turned toward the mansion, but not before glancing once more at the garden, where Y/n’s figure, so real in his mind, faded like morning mist.
Wherever you are, I will find you.
Richard “Dick” Grayson knocked forcefully on the old apartment door, the echo resonating in the narrow hallway of the building, where dust gathered in the corners like forgotten memories and the lights flickered as if trying to perform one last dance before going out. Beside him, Barbara Gordon, the commissioner's daughter, crossed her arms, staring at the door with an intensity that could have splintered the wood.
Jason Todd, restless to his left, kept his gaze fixed on the doorknob, his body tense, as if each passing second brought him one step closer to breaking through that wooden barrier. Above, on the roof, Red Robin, The Spoiler, and Batgirl waited, shadows in a world that seemed to ignore their pounding hearts, ready to act.
“I don’t know why we always have to deal with the worst specimens of humanity,” Barbara murmured, adjusting her coat as she shot a sidelong glance at Dick, who seemed to have a plan in mind.
“Because we’re lucky,” Jason replied, sarcasm lacing his words, a crooked smile on his lips that didn’t quite fit the situation. “And when I say ‘lucky,’ I mean we’re carrying someone else's karma because we… are screwed.”
Dick knocked on the door again, this time with more force. The echo reverberated through the hallways, a declaration of intent.
“We should break it down. You know it’s not going to open just from a gentle knock,” Jason said, stepping forward, his intention clear and palpable.
“Calm down, Jason. Not all problems are solved with violence,” Barbara retorted, though a part of her knew that idea faded every time they found themselves in a situation like this.
“Sure, as if we have another option. Do you want me to schedule a tea date instead of kicking down the door?” Jason frowned, the tension palpable.
Finally, a sound came from behind the door. Chains, the metallic echo of locks being unlatched with a maddening slowness, as if someone on the other side knew that every second of wait was boiling the blood of the three standing before the door. At last, the door opened just enough to reveal a face: the landlord. A short man with small eyes and a slimy smile that seemed to ooze like dirty oil through his yellowed teeth.
“What do you want?” he asked in a thick voice, looking at Dick with suspicion, but his gaze soon dropped to Barbara, lingering unpleasantly on her figure, and then to Jason, who had already tensed the muscles in his jaw.
“We’re looking for Y/n Wayne L/n,” Dick said, trying to maintain his composure, the heat of anger threatening to overflow. “We know she lives here. And we know you know where she is.”
The man let out a laugh under his breath, a rusty squeak that resonated like a heavy joke.
“Ah, the pretty girl… yeah, yeah. And who are you all, huh?” he asked, his slimy tone sending chills that seemed to crawl over Dick's skin.
“It’s none of your concern. We just want to know where she is,” Barbara said, her voice firm and resolute, although the tension in her body betrayed her impatience.
The landlord tilted his head, like a cat playing with its prey, and smiled with a disturbing mischief.
“Well, if you haven’t found her in five months, maybe you don’t want to know,” he said, letting the words drop like stones in a pond, creating ripples of discomfort.
“I warn you, this isn’t a game,” Jason interjected, his voice low and dangerous. “Don’t make me remind you what can happen when a man plays with fire.”
The man shrugged, trying to appear unconcerned, although the glint in his eyes betrayed him.
Jason's hand rested near his belt, right where he kept his gun, and although he hadn’t drawn the weapon yet, the threat was clear.
The landlord noticed but instead of being scared, he wore a repugnant smile, like a predator that had just spotted a wounded prey. His gaze shifted back to Barbara, and then, without the slightest respect, murmured something that made Dick’s fists clench.
“Ah, Y/n... yeah, I remember her. She came around when she had just turned eighteen. Good material, if you catch my drift. She looked innocent, but... those are the most interesting ones, right?” The man's gaze darkened, scanning Barbara again, as if evaluating merchandise.
“Say that again,” Jason growled, drawing his gun in a motion so quick that the landlord barely had time to blink before feeling the cold barrel pressed against his forehead. “And I swear I’ll blow your brains out right here.”
The words hung in the air, sharp, loaded with contempt and a lust that twisted like a snake inside him.
The man let out a cynical chuckle, relishing the moment.
“The last time I saw pretty Y/n was a while back. I don’t know what she’s up to now, but I kept some pictures of her and her friend.” His tone was defiant, almost mocking.
Rage was bubbling in Jason. His fists were clenched, a deadly spark in his eyes.
“What did you say?” His voice trembled between anger and control, like a string about to snap.
The landlord, feeling invincible, continued. “I don’t know if they’re lesbians, but seeing them together was quite the spectacle. Both of them were hot, you know?”
Jason could no longer hold back. The anger erupted like a volcano.
“Shut up!” he shouted, and the sound echoed like a gunshot in the tense silence that had invaded the room.
Before the landlord could react, Jason pulled his gun, aiming with precision.
“I’m going to give you one chance. Tell me where Y/n is. Now.”
The man’s laughter faded, his eyes widening in shock. “Wait, wait, there’s no need to…”
“WHERE?!” Jason's voice thundered, firm and filled with rage, like a storm rumbling in the atmosphere.
The tension became palpable, the air thick with promises of violence.
“Alright, alright!” the landlord stammered, but Jason’s voice turned even colder.
“I’m not going to ask again.”
“She just left for work at night and that’s it…” he started to say, but Jason could no longer hear. The man had photos of Y/n. Compromising, crude, and that simple mention ignited hell in his chest.
In an instant, the sound of an explosion resonated in the hallway, and the man fell to the ground, his silly smile erased by the terror that had overtaken his face. Blood gushed forth in a dark torrent, staining the floor and nearby walls.
Barbara covered her mouth in shock, while Dick stood frozen, stunned.
“Jason!” she exclaimed, but the image of the landlord lying on the ground with his vacant stare was etched in her mind.
Jason holstered the weapon, his breath rapid and uncontrolled. He had crossed a line, and in that moment, he realized there was no turning back. Anger had found a way to break free, but at a terrible cost.
“I won’t let anyone hurt Y/n again,” he murmured, his eyes filled with determination. No one else would stand in his way to find her, no matter the price he had to pay.
The room was saturated with the echo of the gunshot, and the silence grew heavy, almost palpable. Barbara took a deep breath, the anger sparking in her eyes as she looked at Jason, who still seemed dazed by the act he had committed.
“What the hell were you thinking?” she said, her voice contained but sharp as a blade. “That’s why we didn’t bring Damian along, because he would have gone off just the same, but in a much more reckless way.” Her gaze fixed on the corpse, lying in a pool of blood, a scene that could have come from the mind of a disturbed artist.
Jason, with his chest heaving and jaw clenched, simply shrugged.
“I couldn’t just stand by. He knew something, and I wasn’t about to let it slip away.” The fervor in his voice didn’t hide the confusion that was beginning to seep in, like the cold of the night creeping through the windows.
Barbara didn’t respond, but the silence that filled the room grew even denser when the others entered, alarmed by the gunshot. Tim, Stephanie, and Cass arrived, their expressions filled with concern that quickly transformed into indignation.
“What happened here?” Tim asked, his eyes widening at the scene. Blood slid across the floor like a dark river, and the landlord’s body faded beneath the flickering light.
“Are you crazy, Jason?!” Steph exclaimed, disbelief palpable in her voice.
Cass crouched down, her expression grave as she looked at the fallen man. She didn’t need to speak to convey her disapproval; every glance said more than a thousand words.
“It doesn’t matter how we got here,” Dick intervened, his authoritative tone trying to restore order. “We need answers. Let’s investigate.”
With a determined movement, Barbara approached the body, while Jason still breathed irregularly, as if the weight of his actions began to settle on him. Barbara looked around; the apartment was a dusty and sad place, filled with shadows that seemed to whisper secrets.
As the others searched, Tim found a series of photos pinned to the walls, each one showing Y/n and other women from the area, frozen laughter in time, trapped between moments that should have been happy. However, there was something unsettling about the way they were arranged, a disorder that seemed a declaration of possession.
“Look at this,” Tim said, pointing to the images. There was Y/n, always smiling, but next to her was a figure that couldn’t be ignored. The silhouette of Pamela Isley, better known as Poison Ivy, stood beside her, her red hair like a fire that seemed to consume the sadness of the place.
“Pamela…” Cass murmured, her voice almost a whisper. “She’s been in Arkham for three months.”
Barbara moved closer, examining the photos more closely. “This is more complicated than we thought. Ivy has been involved, and that changes everything.”
Jason, still trying to comprehend the chaos he had unleashed, ran a hand through his hair. “It doesn’t matter. We’ll find Y/n. I don’t care what I have to do.”
Barbara looked at him, her expression one of challenge but also understanding. “We can’t do this recklessly. We have to be smart. Silent.”
The group nodded, realizing that the road ahead would be filled with dangers, but also promises of redemption. They were all willing to kill for Y/n, but they had to do it quietly, like shadows slipping through the streets at night.
“Listen, we’re going to find her,” Dick said, his voice resonating like a mantra. “No matter how many doors we have to break down, how many truths we have to drag into the light.”
And so, in the echo of the silence that followed the violence, the five united in a tacit pact, intertwining their destinies in the search for Y/n. Each lost in their thoughts, each remembering that shadows sometimes have the power to conceal not only secrets but also the light that clings to hope.
The shadows stretched as they moved away from the apartment, leaving behind the vestige of a dead man and the echo of trapped laughter. The search had begun, and Y/n’s fate hung in the balance, a thread of light in the darkness that promised to bloom amid the ruins of despair.
The city lights flickered in the distance, like lost stars in the asphalt.
The tears of Y/n fell onto the slippery ground, forming puddles that blended with the blood, a dark ruby staining every part of her thin body, as if sins were being tattooed onto her skin. The humidity of the place smelled of iron and fear, of broken promises and a destiny she had chosen but didn’t quite know how to accept.
“It doesn’t feel good, little one?” said the Doctor, his voice a bitter whisper echoing off the damp walls of the room. He, with his dirty blonde hair falling messily over his forehead, wore a white coat that looked more like a rag than a symbol of authority. A cynical smile spread across his lips, revealing teeth that seemed sharper than the fate he had designed for her. “Bathing in the blood of enemies, isn’t it an exquisite pleasure?”
Y/n, her gaze lost at a point on the floor, nodded slowly, as if each movement cost her an eternity. The blood, warm and sticky, slid between her fingers, a sensory experience that drowned her in contradictions. On one hand, there was a dark delight in the power that image conferred upon her, a power she had learned to wield. But on the other hand, there was an abyss of pain threatening to consume her.
“It’s…” she whispered, barely able to form words. Her voice trembled like a leaf in autumn, indecision etched in her features. Guilt suffocated her, and each tear that fell was a reminder of what she had lost, of what she had left behind.
“What is it?” asked the Doctor, leaning toward her, his eyes lit by a glow that was not exactly compassion, but rather a cruel satisfaction. His gaze seemed to pierce through the layers of her being, scrutinizing the dark corners of her soul. “Is it pleasure you feel, or is it fear?”
Y/n recoiled, feeling her skin burn under his gaze. The Doctor’s words tangled in her mind, forming a knot that seemed impossible to untie. Her voice, almost a cry for help, resonated in the air.
“I don’t know! I don’t know if it’s pleasure or pain.” The words shot out like arrows, but only managed to embed their tips in the empty air, finding no destination. She trembled, caught between repulsion and the desire to free herself from the invisible chains that kept her anchored in that place.
The Doctor let out a cold laugh, as if he were enjoying the spectacle unfolding before him. With a careless gesture, he threw another bucket of blood onto the floor, creating a small puddle that slid toward Y/n.
“That is the beauty of your situation, my dear. You have been chosen to cleanse Gotham of the scum, and along the way, you will discover that pain and pleasure are two sides of the same coin.”
“Chosen?” replied Y/n, her voice shaking with the fierce mix of disbelief and rage. “Chosen for what? To be your puppet?”
The Doctor stepped closer, letting the distance between them fade. His presence was oppressive, like a shadow that swallowed light.
“You are not a puppet, Kerosene” he said, pronouncing her name as if caressing it. “You are the spark that can ignite the revolution. The tears that fall now are the ashes of the old you, and it’s time you embrace what awaits you.”
Y/n felt the air grow dense, as if the Doctor’s words were trying to envelop her, to convince her. But there was a truth in his voice, an echo of what she had longed for deep within her being. Hadn’t she been searching for purpose, a place to belong?
“No… I don’t want to be what you’ve made me.” she said, though her voice sounded more hesitant than determined. It was as if reality slipped around her, like the slippery ground she stood on.
“Of course you do, Y/n.” He smiled, and there was something unsettling in that smile, something that made her feel she was on the brink of a revelation. “Your pain is the echo of the city, and you, little one, can be its savior.”
The Doctor’s words resonated in her mind, and Y/n felt herself teetering on the edge of the abyss, the possibility of becoming Kerosene, the force of vengeance and power. She fought against the idea, but there was a part of her that was beginning to awaken, to open like a flower in the desert.
“So, what do I have to do?” she asked, finally facing the reality that surrounded her. The tears, instead of being a sign of weakness, now seemed a recognition of her new identity.
The Doctor looked at her with a mix of satisfaction and complicity, like a teacher who sees the spark of greatness in his student.
“First, you must accept that the past does not define your future. The blood that surrounds you is only the first step toward freedom. Become what you have always been. Your destiny is to burn, and in doing so, illuminate others.”
Y/n felt the weight of her decision slowly fading away. By accepting her destiny, she had found a new way to free herself, a purpose that shone like fire.
“Then I will do it.” she said, her voice now firm and resonant, as if she were finally embracing the darkness that had always dwelled within her. “I will be Kerosene.”
The Doctor smiled, and in that smile lay a world of possibilities. Together, they could shake the foundations of Gotham.
“That’s right, my dear Kerosene.” He stepped back, allowing his figure to fade into the shadows..“And remember, every decision you make will be a step toward glory or toward downfall. The line is thin, and you are destined to cross it.”
“What about them?” Y/n asked, pointing to the shadows surrounding her, referring to the Waynes who remained silent in their luxurious prison of silence. “Where is Batman?”
The Doctor paused, his gaze turning serious and contemplative.
“Since your appearance, the Waynes have become shadows of what they once were. Batman has vanished, as if fear has locked him in his own game. They don’t want you to know the truth, and I wonder if, deep down, he fears what you are capable of.”
“Fears?” repeated Y/n, incredulity splattering her voice like a rain of dead stars. “Why?”
“Because the truth is that there is no longer space for the good in this city.” The Doctor stepped closer, his tone low but filled with fervor. “Soon you will go after the Court of Owls. We will expose those monsters in the streets, as they deserve, and they will have no one to defend them. Not even their beloved bat.”
A chill ran down Y/n's spine. The idea of stepping out into the night, of facing the villains who had ravaged her city, filled her with a strange power. She remembered Pamela, laughing amidst the shadows, her voice like an echo urging her to fight.
“I will not be their puppet. I do not want to be a pawn in a bigger game.” The words erupted from her with the force of an approaching storm, and the vision of Pamela dancing among the flowers filled her with a sudden sweetness.
“You will not be a pawn, Kerosene.” The Doctor smiled, and in his eyes was an air of admiration. “You are the queen in this game. Your vengeance will not only bring down those villains, but it will also seek the man behind the mask of Batman. We need to end him.”
“End him?” The question hung in the air like a trembling whisper. Her heart stopped for an instant, remembering the nights spent with Batman, the unspoken words, the caresses of an absent father.
“Yes. Because he, like them, has become a legend that needs to fall.”
Y/n felt the darkness looming over her, a shadow whispering promises of power and pain. But there was something more, a spark igniting within her, a fire burning with the strength of a new dawn.
“Then I will do it.” said Y/n, her voice resonating with a clarity that surprised her. “I will expose the Court of Owls and make my father see.”
The Doctor watched Y/n with palpable satisfaction, as if he had finally ignited a spark deep within her being. With a gesture of his hand, he made the invisible shackles that kept her trapped fade away. In that moment, a strange freedom slipped over her skin, a freedom laden with dark responsibility.
“Come, Kerosene.” he said, his voice now a hypnotic chant rising among the shadows. “There is something you need to see.”
He led her through a labyrinth of damp hallways, each step resonating like an echo of past decisions. The walls seemed to whisper forgotten secrets, tales of those who had fallen into the abyss before her. As they advanced, the light of day faded, and the gloom became an accomplice to their thoughts.
Finally, they reached the balcony of the building, a place where time had stopped its march. The Doctor gently pushed Y/n toward the railing, forcing her to look out over the vast expanse of Gotham that stretched before them. The city was a canvas of flickering lights and deep shadows, a portrait of intertwined chaos and order.
“Look, little one.” the Doctor whispered, his voice wrapping around her like a veil of mystery. “This is your city, a monster that feeds on the secrets you hold in your chest. The blood that stains your skin is a symbol of the struggle that lies ahead.”
Y/n leaned over the edge of the balcony, feeling the cold wind caress her bare skin. The city glimmered like a sea of dying stars, each light a story, each shadow a whisper of betrayal. The vision enveloped her, and for a moment, she felt like a spectator of her own destiny.
Her bare skin, still stained with blood, prickled at the chill of Gotham, a freezing breeze sneaking through the cracks of crumbling buildings, as if the city itself reminded her that she was alive, that darkness embraced her with its mantle of forgetfulness and despair. Each small contact of the air made her more aware of her vulnerability, and at the same time, of the power that blossomed from within her. It was a reminder that, amidst chaos, she was the spark of a new flame.
The puddles of blood that had stained her skin, silent witnesses to her transformation, shone like a dark ruby under the dim light of the moon. In that moment, each drop was an echo of past decisions, a symbol of the life she had left behind. And yet, in her mind, the Doctor's words echoed: “You are the spark that can ignite the revolution.” The irony of her state wrapped her in a sweet and bitter confusion; deep down, her nakedness felt like a release.
The city stretched before her, a vast ocean of twinkling lights and lurking shadows. Gotham, in its complexity, seemed to breathe, a living being pulsing with stories of pain and longing. The streetlights flickered as if about to go out, and Y/n felt that each flicker was a whisper calling her, a reminder that she was destined to be part of something much larger than herself.
As she gazed at the horizon, her mind filled with images: the faces of those she had lost, those she had loved, and those she had to confront. Her heart wrestled between the desire for vengeance and the longing for redemption.
“What do you see?” asked the Doctor, his eyes shining with an unsettling intensity.
“I see…” Y/n began, but the words slipped away like sand through her fingers. The city was a labyrinth of emotions, a stage where pain and pleasure intertwined in a macabre dance. It was a reflection of her own internal struggle, her desire for vengeance and her yearning for redemption.
“I see a sea of shadows, a stage where illusions collapse like houses of cards.” she finally replied, her voice echoing. “Each light, a hope; each shadow, a whisper of unhappiness.”
“Perfect.” The Doctor smiled, his face illuminated by an almost fraternal satisfaction. “Gotham is a mirror, and you are the light that can break the darkness. You must be able to see beyond what shines.”
The Doctor’s words resonated in her mind, tearing through the veil of confusion that enveloped her. In that instant, Y/n understood that every tear shed had fed the city, that every drop of blood on her hands was an echo of what she had lost. And yet, vengeance offered her a new purpose, a path into the unknown.
“The city cries for change, for a fire to purify it” she whispered, her voice gaining strength in the night breeze. “And I… I am that fire.”
“That’s right, dear.” The Doctor nodded, a mix of pride and malice in his expression. “The fire that will purify Gotham and, in its wake, consume everything that stands in your way.”
Y/n felt the air fill with electricity, a palpable current connecting her to the city, to its pain and desire. Deep within her, something began to change. She was no longer just a puppet; she was no longer merely the shadow of her past. She was Kerosene, the spark that would ignite the flame of change.
“But, Doctor, what about those who love the darkness?” she asked, her voice now an echo of what she had learned. “What if they cling to their shadow?”
The Doctor stepped closer to her, his penetrating gaze filled with complicity.
“Darkness is a possessive lover, but there is always a price to pay. The truth is that they cannot hold onto it forever. And when the fire burns, only those ready to be reborn will be saved.”
Y/n felt a mixture of anguish and determination. The city before her became a symbol of her internal struggle, a stage where light and shadow intertwined in an eternal game. Every street, every building, every corner whispered her name in a song of warning and challenge.
“And when the fire consumes everything in its path, will there be anything left of me?” she asked, her voice trembling with the fragility of a leaf in the wind.
The Doctor smiled, a smile that seemed to mock the questions still dancing in her mind.
“Perhaps, dear Kerosene, you will find yourself in the act of burning. Or maybe, you will fade into the ash. That is the enigma of transformation: in the fire, death is merely the prelude to a new beginning.”
As she gazed at the city, Y/n felt her identity fragment and fuse, in an endless cycle of creation and destruction. The image of Gotham before her became a metaphor for the human soul, a reflection of the struggles everyone faced in the darkness. The city, with its chaos and its heartbreaking beauty, enveloped her like a hug.
With one last look at the flickering lights and lurking shadows, Y/n stepped back, a firm decision rising within her.
“There’s no turning back now” she murmured, her voice an echo of her new reality. “I will be the fire that illuminates this eternal night.”
The Doctor, with a gesture of approval, retreated into the shadows, leaving her alone in her revelation. As the city spread before her, a mantle of mystery and power, Y/n knew that the true journey was just beginning. The line between fire and ash was thin, and in her chest burned the certainty that by crossing it, nothing would ever be the same.
“So be it, Kerosene” she said to herself as the wind enveloped her in secret whispers. “Let the fire speak in your name and let the night receive your lament.”
And looking at Gotham, she understood that, in the end, her destiny was not merely to be a spectator, but an unstoppable force, a storm that would unleash chaos. And so, with her heart beating to the rhythm of the city, she prepared to embrace her truth, her fire.
☆
A/N — Here is the long-awaited third part of this series. Thank you for all the support and love you have given me. I decided to make this part longer (at the cost of not being able to include the last image :( ) so that you can enjoy it more.
I was reading your comments where you were asking if Y/n and the Doctor would have a romance (which horrifies me a bit :d, but it gave me an idea) or if he performed a lobotomy on her. Well, that will be answered in the next part or in a headcanon, whatever you ask me.
By the way, in the tag list, there are some users I couldn't add, sorry about that 😔. I really appreciate your understanding and patience. Your enthusiasm keeps me motivated to keep creating and sharing these stories. I hope you find this installment engaging and that it brings you the excitement and emotions you’ve come to expect from the series. Enjoy!
Don't hesitate to ask me anything if you want.
take a bath!
Tag list! ◇ — @amber-content @toast-on-dandelioms @feral-childs-word @sweetconnoisseurgardener @victoria1676 @toasted-cat18 @nosyrobin @beeaskewwrites @yandere-enthusiast @telltaletoad @dhanyasri @vanessa-boo @m3vl0vesu @jellypotato66 @midnightgrimoire @cherryxxxxyoongi @imnotdumbimstupif @plsfckmedxddy @h0neysiba @mybones537 @erikasurfer @sheepintherain @pix-stuff @yan-rai @uniquecutie-puffs @arlandvery @theblonde777 @alishii
@maicenitas @ti-girl1226 @vanilliona @chickenwings435 @thedramabrotherss @bat1212 @imnotdumbimstupif @somebodyrandom-613 @aelxr @jsprien213 @sheepintherain @lovebug-apple @zenychwan @starsdotalk @holylonelyponyeatingmacaron @misdollface @clementinesyummy @bunbunboysworld @lunaluz432 @kiarst @meowmeeps @adeptusxia0 @mettatons-number-1fan @fairygardenprincesss @nervousalpacalady @mottysith
Inspiration: @acid-ixx with his Again & Again series, @gotham-daydreams ' work, @i-cant-sing's work and @klemen-tine's work, be sure to check them out!
#yandere batboys#fem reader#x reader#dc x reader#yan blog#yandere#yandere batman#yandere bruce wayne#yandere damian wayne#yandere dc#yandere dick grayson#yandere jason todd#yandere red robin#yandere red hood#yandere robin#yandere alfred pennyworth#yandere x reader#reader insert#yandere batfamily#yandere batfam#neglect#neglected reader
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wtf
f*g is not your slur to reclaim. why don't you try tr*nny instead?
actually i think i’ll reclaim them both, thanks!
#I don't even know what to say#dude I usually hate reading this stuff cause it makes me so uncomfortable cause I don't know who to believe#But this is ridiclous#lables shouldn't set up us-versus-them scenarios especially in the gender community#just because we are slightly different shouldn't and doesn't mean we should be discriminating like this#us reclaiming something is meant to tear down the walls that others built around us to seperate us from them and make us afraid#what this is doing is taking the bricks they threw at us and building walls around eachother#you are continuing the damage#we reclaim to heal not hurt eachother
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You Kiss Their Scars
Summary ✩ How your lover reacts to you kissing their scars
Warnings ✩ Mentions of violence and blood
Jacaerys Velaryon
You were amused as your lips pressed against the teeth shaped scars, in the shape of tiny little bite marks that Jace explained were from Vermax
“He used to bite me plenty when we shared a crib,” Your husband told you. “He was a nasty little thing. Mother was afraid he’d take a chunk out of my arm—but he never did. He stopped doing it when I bit him back,” He revealed
You giggled as you imagined baby Jace and baby Vermax—both the same size at one point—going at it while Rhaenyra tried to separate them. “So I suppose you’ve both always been temperamental then,” You said
It was no surprise that your husband, who also had quite the temper, related so much to his dragon. The two were one of the same, and you guessed that’s why they got along so well
“Yes,” Jacaerys agreed, a fond smile on his face as he recalled the memories. “We were quite a menacing pair indeed.”
Aegon Targaryen
“She did it again,” Is the only thing Aegon had to tell you in order for you to pull him into your arms, kissing the spot where a nasty red bruise was forming
It was no secret that your husband and his mother did not get along, but never did you think that she would have the audacity to strike him after an argument
It was appalling to you every time it happened, and you wanted nothing more than to march towards her and give the same treatment, Queen be damned
It wasn’t fair that she took out her anger out on Aegon but he begged you, no pleaded with you to not do anything
“It won’t do any good,” He’d tell you sadly, and your heart would ache as you saw the brokenness, the sadness on his face. “She’ll just hate me even more if you act.”
Aemond Targaryen
“Hold still.”
You jutted your tounge out in concentration as you cleaned Aemond’s scar, making sure that it was sanitized properly for the day
Your husband trusting you with such a thing was an act of love itself. The fact that he trusted you to see his deepest insecurity meant alot to you, and all you could do to repay him and hopefully bring up his spirits was pepper light kisses on the skin surrounding it
“There, all done.”
“Thank you, my love,” Aemond smiled slightly as he touched the spots were your lips touched, still wondering how he got so lucky as to find someone like you
Cregan Stark
“Ow! Be gentle, woman,” Cregan said playfully, wincing as you brushed over his ‘scar’ with a wet cloth
Somehow, for some reason, your dear husband thought it would be funny to wrestle with his dire wolf and then he had the nerve to come crawling to you, asking you to patch up his wounds after the beast had bitten him
Of course, it wasn’t really that big of a deal and Cregan wasn’t really hurt, but you still smirked as you pressed a kiss to it like it was a real wound
“There. That should ease some of the pain, you big baby,” You teased, rolling your eyes
Cregan chuckled as he checked your work, looking at the bandage you had placed over some ointment
“What do you suppose it’ll look like when it heals?” He asked you seriously
“It’ll look like you simply have a freckle, Creagn,” You responded sarcastically, and then you giggled as he grabbed your waist and pulled you onto his lap
“Don’t make fun me, wife. You should be proud,” He said, flexing the arm where the bite was. “How many men do you know have taken on such a beast and lived to tell the tale?”
“Only you, husband. Only you.” You snorted at his dramatics, wondering just what you were going to do with your silly, drama queen of a husband
Benjicot Blackwood
There was reason they called your husband ‘Bloody Ben’
You found this out when one day, he came limping home after solving a conflict in the Riverlands, covered in wounds and blood—so much blood
Thankfully, most of it wasn’t his but Benji still did have a few wounds that needed looking after
The Maester was busy, having been sent by your husband to tend to the other men, so you got the pleasure of dragging him to your chambers, making sure that he was clean before you began to stitch him up
The entire time you worked, Benji barely even flinched which amazed you
By the time that you were done with his top half, he’d barely said a word or complained which led to you kissing over a few of his stitches as a reward
“What was that for?” He asked in wonder, a small blush on his cheeks while you grinned
“That, my love, is for being such a good patient,” You told him cheekily, and you did not expect what Benji did next
Standing up, he loosened his trousers and then he grinned as he pointed at the area beneath his small clothes
“Well in that case, I’ll need plenty of kisses here, too. No promises that I won’t move if you touch me there though.”
“Benji!”
#house of the dragon#hotd#jacaerys velaryon#jacaerys velaryon x reader#aegon targaryen#aegon targaryen x reader#aemond targaryen#aemond targaryen x reader#cregan stark#cregan stark x reader#benjicot blackwood#benjicot blackwood x reader
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how to be more feminine⋆.ೃ࿔*:・🩰
this post is inspired by an inbox question i answered on wednesday so i wanted to elaborate on things that make me feel more feminine and how to BE more feminine…💬🎀
SURROUNDING MYSELF WITH WOMEN ;
surrounding myself with women and making more friendships with women then with men has helped my femininity so much i feel. because like, as a woman we can relate to each other more and often times female friendships are just so much more pure and beautiful.
i feel like when ur friends with a man 99.9% of the time they end up wanting to pursue something romantically. also i noticed that when im with my male friends they like to tease and kind of roast each other but with my female friendships we bring each other up instead.
and its not like one is better then the other, but female friendships are better for my confidence and femininity as a whole which is why im friends with a lot more women and only a few men. in general female friendships have just healed my soul 💗.
THE SELF CARE ASPECT OF FEMININITY ;
when u take care of urself like u should, not only is it addicting but it makes me feel 100% more feminine. because you should care for urself like you care for a goddess. give urself the best that u possibly can and take care of ur mind body and soul.
take care of ur hands and feet
dont be afraid to be high maintenance
the self care aspect is important! make sure that ur keeping up with ur hygiene and using sweet smelling perfumes and soaps. taking care of ur body through what u eat, what u do etc. remember that ur inner translates to ur outer so dont forget to do the self concept work which leads me to my next point
THE FEMININE SELF CONCEPT ;
shift ur mindset and start to think of urself as beautiful, precious and feminine. make a vaunt if u want but make sure to say ur affirmations because that builds confidence. self love + confidence are so good for the cultivation of ur feminine energy.
CREATIVITY ;
femininity is all about creation and being creative so its important to find some ways to cultivate ur creativity and ur natural gifts. a way to cultivate ur feminine creativity is through makeup. makeup is such a beautiful art form and a reminder that you are your own muse.
ACCESS DENIED ;
another thing, dont give just anyone access to ur mind, ur time and ur body! not only are you protecting urself but ur also protecting ur time, emotions etc. can you imagine how draining it must be to always be readily available to everyone at anytime? like no.
everyone has their own boundaries and rules based on the way that they see the world, but when ur thinking about things like who has access to ur mind, time and body make sure not to be accessible to everyone cuz you're sacred!
#law of assumption#advice#honeytonedhottie⭐️#it girl#becoming that girl#self concept#self care#self love#that girl#it girl energy#dream girl tips#dream girl#dream life#self improvement#self reflection#self development#self growth#self healing#hyper femininity#femininity tips#femininity#divine feminine#hyper feminine#girly#girl blog#girl blogging
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The Scars on Your Neck
Emperor Caracalla x Reader
Summary: It was completely unimaginable what happened. No one expected you to get attacked during your daily walk through the gardens.
Caracalla was furious, demanding answers from your guards immediately and if they don’t give him an answer as fast as he needs them to, he would personally attack them and kill at least one.
He does not take it lightly that you got hurt, especially since they should have been with you when you were attacked.
“How did this happen?” He would ask and demand answers. When he wouldn’t get an answer, he would ask his question again but this time yelling at the top of his lungs.
You would be in the room next door getting treated, but you could hear him yelling outside.
Your husband was in a meeting with the senators and his brother when the news about your attack reached him. He immediately rushed out of the room without any explanation.
When he reached your shared chambers, he saw your pathetic excuses of guards and that is when the yelling started.
"We were walking with her when she asked us to leave her for a moment. It was not unusual. We turned around but stayed close." one of the remaining two guards explained.
"Not close enough apparently!"
"You are right, Your Majesty. She was attacked by a servant boy. Had a rope to her neck so we wouldn't hear. She fought, knocked over a vase and that is when we noticed."
"You are absolutely useless! You two will be put in the games and killed!" Caracalla waved with his hand and didn't even hear the men's pleas.
"Brother?" Geta arrived with worry written on his face. "Was she truly attacked? I will find out who did this. You stay here with her." Geta had a brotherly love towards you. He knew you were the only person able to calm and keep his brother happy.
Caracalla burst through the doors only to see the healer talking to you as you nod.
"Emperor Caracalla. Your wife is-" Caracalla didn't even allow the man to finish as he was already by your side on the bed. He watched you lay there as he grabbed your hand.
"My Love. I will punish whoever did this."
"It was Macrinus." your voice was hoarse, it pained his heart. "The boy told me." you coughed as you grabbed onto the bandage on your neck.
The vivid images of the boy pulling the rope on your neck as you tried to escape filled your mind. Your hands were shaking and your eyes filled with tears. "He was sent to break you. If he kills me..."
"We will take care of it. Geta will find the boy and then Macrinus. You are safe." he kissed your hand as his own eyes filled with tears. "I will avenge you."
You smiled at him, speaking was too painful.
You didn't sleep much that evening. The images filled your mind.
You only felt safe because you laid in his arms.
You knew he would kill the people responsible. You knew your husband would do anything to keep you safe.
The people responsible were quickly found and killed.
You got new guards.
But your husband requested that you always be with him. And you had no objection to that.
Staying with him meant you were safe.
You felt safe.
He always held your hand no matter what.
During the night, when your bandages came off, you looked at your bruised neck.
It was still very purple and the cuts of the fabric were ugly. You got a herbal balm for it, the healer said it will help with the healing.
You let out a long sigh.
"Does it still hurt?" Caracalla asked from behind you, you turned and looked at him.
"Only a little, I think the balm helps." you smiled a little.
Caracalla took a step closer and he lifted his hand, allowing the tips of his fingers to touch your bruised neck.
His touch was feather-light. As if he was afraid to hurt you more. Even if the people responsible were dead.
"I was so scared. Sometimes I can still feel the rope tight around my neck. All I could think about was you, My Dear Husband."
"Even on the verge of death, My Love?"
"Always. I worried with my death madness will take you over. I worried you would be lonely. I worried you would be sad."
"And I would be. Madly sad because I miss you. But you are still here. You are here with me." his hand moved to cup your cheek and you turned to kiss his palm.
"I'm here and I love you, My Emperor."
"And I love you, My Empress."
Gladiator II Collection
Taglist:
@castellandiangelo @imagines-by-a-typical-fangirl @manduse @jacalineiscomingforyou
@mandoloriancookie @deliciousfestsalad @lilliumrorum @asgards-princess-of-mischief
@fallout-girl219 @dracaryxzs @snowtargaryen @mel-vaz
~Masterlist~
ˇAO3ˇ
/YOU DO NOT HAVE PERMISSION TO TRANSLATE, TO STEAL OR TO REUPLOAD ANY OF MY WORKS TO THIS OR OTHER PLATFORMS/
#x reader#fanfiction#x female reader#emperor caracalla#caracalla x reader#gladiator caracalla#caracalla x you#gladiator ii#gladiator ll#caracalla x fem reader#emperor caracalla x reader#emperor caracalla x you#emperor caracalla x female reader#emperor caracalla imagine#emperor caracalla imagines#gladiator 2#gladiator movie#gladiator x reader#gladiator imagine#gladiator imagines#gladiator emperor caracalla#gladiator caracalla x you#gladiator caracalla x reader
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Agape
Pairing: Lucius x Reader
Summary: After the Roman Empire had fallen, birthing the Republic, you and Lucius had finally found a moment to breathe in each other's presence. Over a few years' journey of healing, you find that is both exhausting, yet all the more fulfilling at the same time.
Part 2 of 2 (Masterlist)
Warning(s): Past SA, Depictions of Grief, Violence, Angst, Miscommunication, Historical Inaccuracies [I tried my best to make it kind of accurate], Nudity (sexual and non-sexual), Mutual Masturbation, Oral Sex (f receiving), P in V Sex
Paul Mescal's facial hair in All of Us Strangers, if you can hear us, please save us. Nobody ask me how I went from "’Oh, I’m just gonna write some scenes about healing from trauma, and the rest is smut! Easy!" to then making it just a little longer than the first part. I'm a yapper, but holy shit XD. Anyway, this is just shameless pRopAgAnDa at what I personally view a husband to act like (even in modern times). So, without further ado, thousands of words of hurt/comfort and smut.
Word Count: 16.4k
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You were a lucky child. When you were twelve and your friend was married off to a man who was forty-two, you asked your father when you would be married.
He tucked you in that night, saying that he wasn’t certain, and that you had nothing to fear; for he wouldn’t promise you to a man who was in a war the same year you were born. He would have to know him personally as well, saying.
“It’s easier to like a man than have to plan his assassination if he dared lay a hand on you.”
You like to think he would have approved of Lucius; he was the once heir to the Roman Empire.
You don’t think he would have approved of your…informal marriage.
“A year.” Lucius stated as the two of you sat together in one of the piazzas. “As long as we are not separated from each other for more than three days, Rome will view us as married if we live in the same household for a year.”
You hummed. “And why should we care what Rome views?”
“Men won’t stop their advances on you if they saw you as my sister.” he explained. “Even as a wife, that doesn’t stir them.”
“It’s a very Christian belief of you to have.”
“But it makes them think thoroughly on if they want to risk tainting you.” Lucius finally looked at you. “Knowing that I would break every finger they touched you with.”
Even with his proclamation, you merely shrugged. “Being the emperor’s favorite whore, I doubt they would care.”
He sighed. “Do you want to know what my mother wrote? Her final words that will forever be with me because they are in ink? ‘Take her as your wife.’”
It had only been one day since Lucilla’s death, since Rome had become a Republic, and no one knew exactly what to do.
Yet…even at the mention of her presence, you felt tears spring to your eyes.
How you hated crying; and crying and crying.
“It is wise.” You finally settled on. “The people here too must see me as a traitor.”
“You would be dead if they did.”
“It’s still early.” You smiled sadly. “I desired to be free of the emperors, but all they must have saw was lust for power.”
Lucius sighed. “If it is a concern, then I believe it is best to leave Rome.”
Suddenly, you were no longer afraid for your life. You scowled. “Leave the city you risked your life to liberate?”
“It is not just my own life I need to think of now, is it?”
“Then think of mine.” you began. “I don’t wish to leave. Where would we even go? I know nothing outside of Rome.”
This would have been solved if you somehow still had the house you grew up in. The moment Geta claimed you, it was gone. Even with the fall of the Empire, and the birth of the Republic, you could not take it back.
Among many other things, you could not take it back.
“We’ll live just outside the walls.” Lucius suggested. “A farm perhaps a few miles from here-.”
“-A farm?” You questioned. “You know how to farm? Because I sure don’t.”
“I’ve lived longer on a farm than I have in a palace.”
It shouldn’t have surprised you, but it did. You also weren’t in the position to bargain. Even though it wasn’t going to be what most would deem an ‘official’ marriage, he still owned you. That was how it always was, whether living outside of the Roman walls or not. Still, you had to try.
“I will learn as much as I need to,” You shook your head. “but I will find a job in the city. You cannot believe I will be shut out-.”
“-Do you want to share a room, or would you like your own?”
You furrowed your brow. “What?”
Lucius restated. “We don’t have any money to buy a farm, so I’ll build us one. Do you want your own room?”
You had only known him for a grand total of a day and a half (if you were to add up all the previous times you had spoken to him before Macrinus’ death), so needless to say, his offer shocked you; more so, it impressed you.
“Isn’t it odd for a man and wife to not share a bed?” You asked.
“So, you want to share a room?”
“No.” was your immediate response. “I just…”
Am not used to compromising with men without them threatening my life.
“Won’t it cost money to build a house?” You asked instead. “None the less, more for another room?”
“I only want you to be happy, if we’re to be married.”
There you were, asking every question and not being satisfied with his answers, yet he was remaining patient.
“Thank you.” You bowed your head in thanks for just a second before questioning. “I am still allowed to have a job in the city? It will help with the cost, of course.”
“Where exactly do you intend to work?”
He said your name; not ‘Julia’, the name you had whispered to him in his cell. Lucius was the only one who had said it to you, for you did not even tell Lucilla or Marcus. It still felt strange hearing it on your lips, nonetheless, his.
Still, shaking your discomfort away, you hummed humorlessly. “I know two women who run their own businesses; hairdressing and tailoring. I’m better at hair than clothes, but not so much. And you?”
He sighed. “I’ll see if there’s any other farmers needing a hand.”
“You’re going to work for a farmer to build a farm?”
“It sounded more bizarre in your head than when you said it aloud, did it not?”
That was the first thing you found out about Lucius after all the bloodshed and heartbreak of the last week:
He spoke with such a straight tone, you did not know he was joking until he would smile just a hint; you couldn’t really call it a true smile.
You managed to grin. “I suppose it makes sense. You should find one that will let us sleep there.”
And he did. A farm just a few miles outside of Rome took both you and Lucius in. It was substantial, housing five chickens, two cows, three pigs, four horses, and seven human children. Albeit the children helped with the chores, but the eldest was only ten and could not manage any of the heavy lifting whatsoever, which was where Lucius came in.
From sun up to sun down, he’d work on the farm. The farmers, Atticus and Diana, let you sleep in the barn of all places. The hayloft was nice for the both of you; enough space to spread out but not be right next to each other. There was also somewhat of a wall between the two of you, giving the illusion of separate rooms.
It was certainly an adjustment for you; had been sleeping on the softest of beds for months, but even so, you just missed the bed from your old house.
Lucius fell asleep the second he laid on the hay.
Dreams and nightmares were always a peculiar thing. Some days, you would dream of your mother and father, some days, they would be of Lucilla and Marcus.
You had nightmares of what befell you before coming to the farm; Macrinus and his manipulation, Caracalla’s temper, Geta…
Yet, the worst that would happen would be you waking up more tired than the night prior. You knew Lucius was having nightmares too, but every time you approached him, he would lie and say he was fine, or simply not want to speak of it.
You stopped asking.
For the first few days on the farm, you were put to work by watching over the younger children when their mother was busy. Somehow, it was the older ones you didn’t mind, it was the youngest baby who was a handful.
It’s morbid to say, but you always wondered how any of them survived infancy.
Luckily, you managed to get back to Rome after perhaps a week of being stranded on the farm. It was almost an hour walk, and you had gotten up even before Lucius had, but it was worth it.
It wasn’t that you felt dead as you were on the farm per say, but walking through the streets brought a certain kind of life back into your steps.
You spent a good portion of the day trying to find the hairdressers you talk to Lucius about. Just as you were about to give up and try again tomorrow, something caught your ear.
Hebrew.
You turned over your shoulder and saw a man speaking in Latin to another man and a pregnant woman. The father had spoken in broken Latin before turning to his wife, speaking quickly in Hebrew as if to ask her what to say.
The Roman man began to yell, and you rushed over, speaking to the patriarch of the family.
“What’s going on?” You asked quickly.
His eyes grew as if you were the first person in Rome to understand him (you probably were). “I paid for a bag of peaches fairly; two bronze, yet they’re saying it wasn’t enough.”
You turned to the man behind you. “He says he gave you two bronze for the peaches.”
“It was three.” The Roman man gritted his teeth.
Tilting your head, you tried. “Show me your stand so we may see.”
It was perhaps stupid of you to challenge him; yet, he controlled his tempter and led you to his fruit stand. The sign by the peaches indeed said ‘2’, but there was also a good amount of peaches blocking the bottom half of the sign.
When you moved a few, it read ‘3’.
You smiled, looking at the man who spoke Hebrew. “It is three, but it’s not your fault this brute didn’t notice either.”
He nodded, returning your grin before handing the men another copper. With an few mumbled exchanges, the man and his wife were on their way.
“You have Judeans in your family?” The man crudely asked.
Still, you decided to reciprocate his crassness with kindness. “I actually speak five languages.”
He rose his brows. “Is that a fact?”
“Yes, yes it is.”
He hummed, holding his hand out. “Isidorus.”
“Julia.” Was your immediate response as he took your hand and kissed your knuckles. It wasn’t even your own choice to say that name; it was what you lived by. Retracting your hand, you shake your head and said your own name. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean-.”
“-All of Rome knows who you are.” He interrupted. “Do not be afraid of your own people. Most of them were there simply a week ago when you tried to slay Macrinus but was there to comfort lady Lucilla in her final moments.”
You only nodded, not wanting to be praised. “I thank you for your kindness.”
“With certain.” He nodded. “You are with child; only a monster would harm a woman carrying.”
The events of the past weeks had made you forgotten about the false babe. Luckily, the fear upon your face could be used to your advantage.
“Are you not well?” Isidorus questioned.
You dropped your gaze, stammering your tone. “The…I lost the child.”
He looked down as well. “Oh…I’m so sorry.”
“No,” you shook your head. “it’s…it feels odd. His father was terrible but…”
“Why are you perusing Rome unchaperoned?” He changed the subject.
“My betrothed is being put to work,” you immediately answered. “and I am scouring the streets to find my own.”
“What has your luck been?”
“Nothing.”
Isidorus hummed. “I could change that.”
Even at the thought of what he was alluding to, you smiled. “Good sir, I am not in the position to sell my body-.”
“-None of that.” he waved his hand. “My brother works down at the entrance of the city gates. They’re always in need of translators.”
You nodded, considering. “When may I meet with him?”
“Tomorrow?” He asked. “Midday at the gates with many people watching so you do not feel threatened?”
The two of you laughed, and you agreed. “I shall be there. Thank you.”
“Anything to help a woman of the people.”
You walked all the way back to the farm with a skip in your step. Even at dinner, you were more talkative with the rest of the family. Lucius certainly took notice as the two of you were settling down for the night.
“You seemed better today.” He complimented, laying onto his bed of hay.
“So, I’ve been absolutely horrible the rest?” You teased, peeking around the wall of the hayloft.
“No, just what I think you were like before everything; more yourself.” He explained. “Did the hairdressers go well?”
Leaning against the wall, you crossed your arms. “I’m actually working as a translator down by the city entrance.”
He gave you a look. “How’d this come about?”
“Well,” you began. “I overheard two men arguing, one was speaking Hebrew, and I asked him what was wrong. There was a misunderstanding over peaches of all things, I helped them talk it out, and it was solved with no bloodshed. The vendor said his brother works at the gates and is always in need of translators and offered to meet with him tomorrow. It will be midday and so many people around; do not worry.”
Lucius nodded. “I’ll accompany you.”
“Did you not hear what I just said? I shall be fine.”
“I have no doubt you would.” You knew that was a lie. “One of the scythes broke today, I’ll need to buy another one in the city.”
You didn’t know if that was a lie or not, but it wouldn’t surprise you if Lucius would sneak out in the night and break equipment simply to go with you.
Sighing, you went behind the wall to your side of the hayloft. “Fine.”
To no one but Lucius’ surprise, Isidorus had not lied about his brother, nor the job offer. Of course, the brother had been off put at a woman being the translator (because everyone knows that they are the lesser sex). Still, after some convincing (you talked to a Greek family, a man from Anatolia, and two brothers from Persia), he said you could be put to work.
Lucius stood there the whole hour you had proved yourself.
“You couldn’t have gotten the scythe while I worked?” You questioned him while walking home.
He kept his gaze on the road before him, carrying the farm equipment. “It was engaging to watch.”
You hummed. “I could see how engaged you were while you stood like this.” You crossed your arms and scowled.
“I did not look like that.” He scoffed.
“You did so!” You refuted, lowering your voice. “My name is Lucius Verus Aurelius, the Last Gladiator, son of Lucilla and Maximus, grandson of Marcus Aurelius.”
He looked down, mouth upturning a little. “I do not sound like that.”
“Is that a smile?!” you gasped. “Gods above, I never thought you could unless you were attempting humor!
“Away with you, woman.”
You only laughed as the sun was starting to set.
There was something called a “Fullmoon” period in a marriage. Most now would say it’s “Honeymoon”, but the period in time where a man and woman were in a complete state of euphoria together was called “Fullmoon” because it only lasted for a month.
You and Lucius (even with your strange circumstance) were not immune to this.
A month later, when you had fully settled into a mundane life of working in different areas for hours upon hours, the only times you saw Lucius was when you ate dinner with the farmer’s family, and before going to bed.
It didn’t’ effect you that much for the first three months, as you both were still on good terms and were fine simply cohabitating without affection. This marriage was purely for protection and to honor Lucilla’s wishes.
Then…Lucius came to you one day, saying that together, you both had enough money to build a farm. He already had a patch of land picked out from the help of the famer who employed him. It was five miles away from the farm you stayed at. Five miles more of a journey to the city.
You would move in once the walls were built, which he said would only take a week or two.
It was too fast for you.
Still, you had to go along with it, because you were to be his wife; nothing more. Even so, nothing out of the ordinary besides your hidden, simmering annoyance happened between you two.
The first day construction was to be done was when light was shed upon it.
“Lucius!” You called his name as you approached him and a few other men hauling the wood and stone that would be used. It was mid-twilight when you ran to them.
He furrowed his brow, walking towards you. “Aren’t you meant to be in the city?”
Grinning from ear to ear, you shook your head. “I asked for the day off because of the house. He said I-.”
“-You need to go back and tell him you’ll work.”
Your smile fell from his usual, monotone demeanor. “He doesn’t expect me to come in today-.”
“-Then he’ll be happy to see you.”
“May I just talk for a moment?!” You yelled.
His said nothing.
Sighing, you began. “I will be useful in any capacity. If you need me to help dig for water, measure supports, lift anything-.”
“-Your shoulder cannot carry-.”
You retorted. “-It might be the shoulder you shot, but it’s the shoulder I have to live with, and I will tell you if something is too heavy to carry.”
It hadn’t been the first time you brought up your shoulder after Rome was free. Yet, in the past, it was always out of good fun; something to say to him when you didn’t want to carry as little as an egg from the chicken coop. You told the children the story too why you had to set one of them down after carrying her for so long.
You expected them to cower away from Lucius when he returned for supper, but instead, they all tackled him to the ground to defend your honor.
They didn’t hurt him of course, and you laughed until you couldn’t breathe.
Yet, at that moment, you said it with nothing but disdain; and he heard it in every word. You thought it would have been enough to guilt him into letting you help, you made sure of it.
Lucius titled his head back toward the main road. “Go on, now. The sun will be up soon, it’ll be better to walk without daylight beating down on you.”
The audacity he had. Usually, on the times you’d have disagreements of sorts, you’d try to leave with dignity; perhaps a word of sarcasm or two.
No, you simply turned on your heel and marched away in a huff.
You were harsher that day when translating, and you were still angry by the time the day ended. You ate dinner outside by yourself (until three of the seven children came outside to eat with you), and did not utter a ‘goodnight’ to Lucius before laying down to sleep.
Neither of you spoke to the other for days after that.
It was one morning, not even when the sun was out, as you tried to tiptoe around him, did he ask from his makeshift bed.
“Do you remember where the house is?”
You nearly fell off the ledge of the hayloft. “What is wrong with you?!”
“Do you remember?”
“Yes!” you whispered, afraid to wake the whole farm. “Why?”
“We made the water pump, and the walls and floors are finished. We’ll be able to sleep there now.”
“I don’t see the appeal in sleeping in a house with no roof.”
“I’ll put half of it on today. Tell your foreman too that you won’t be able to work for the next week.”
You furrowed your brow. “Why?”
“I’m teaching you how to tend to a farm.” He wrapped his blankets tighter around him and turned his back to you.
And you continued on your way; making the long trek to the city, which would only be longer when you moved to the house.
When your work was over, you walked and walked. You took a short break at the farmer’s house, making your final goodbyes to the children, and gathering what little belongings you owned.
As you tried to leave, Diana stopped you. She was leading one of the horses, a berber, behind her.
“Take her,” she handed you the reins. “you shouldn’t have to walk so far.”
You shook your head. “I simply cannot-.”
“-I insist.” She smiled. “She’s yours now. Think of it as payment for helping me with the little beasts that are my children.”
Smiling politely, it soon faded. She took notice. “What is it?”
“…I’ve only ever ridden once, and I was a child.”
She sighed yet was still kind. “Come on, my husband’s horse is at your farm. I’ll ride back with him.”
Despite your inexperience, it was actually nice riding a horse. It was perhaps the closest you could ever come to flying in your lifetime; maybe that’s why you enjoyed it. As you were nearing your soon-to-be home, you saw a familiar silhouette along with some others.
Atop the house, against the setting sun, you watched as Lucius continued to add tiles to the unfinished roof. His shirt was off, and even with night beginning to set in with the cold air, he was still breaking a sweat from the rigorous work. You would be a liar if you say that you didn’t catch yourself staring, and it was Diana who had to take the reins.
“What a fine home!” She broke you out of your trance, and when Lucius looked in your direction, you snapped your gaze away.
Lucius nodded. “All that needs to be done is the roof.” He jumped onto the ground just as you were sliding off the horse. He gave you his hand as you were, and you took it.
“Thank you.”
Atticus and the other workers went to a lone tree where their horses were tied. Atticus then approached both you and Lucius.
“Well,” he smiled. “it was lovely hosting the both of you. Please come back as often as you can; I’m sure the children will miss you.”
You all exchanged your final goodbyes, and it when everyone rode off away from you, did you realize something. This was the first time in a while you were alone with Lucius that wasn’t when going to sleep or waking up.
“Do you have a name for the horse?” Lucius asked.
Turning over your shoulder, you led the steed to the tree, petting her as you began to tie her up. “Not at the moment. She’s yours too, do you have any?”
“You’ll be with her more; you should name her.”
Humming you looked at him when you finished securing the horse. “You asked them to give her to me, didn’t you?”
He shrugged. “They asked how they could repay you for taking care of their children, I mentioned how it would be a longer journey to the city once we moved here. That’s all I did.”
…He was better at asking for forgiveness than for permission; that was another thing you learned about him. Still, you nodded your appreciation, inspecting the area around you. It was quite beautiful even with its plainness. The fields stretched on for miles, and there were no tall buildings to cover the night sky. Even the unfinished house brought a sense of happiness to you.
Something that was, at least partially, your own.
“Where will the barn and chicken coop go?” You questioned.
A hint of a smile played on his mouth, but in Lucius fashion, did his best to hide it. “You were complaining about not having a roof, and now you wonder about things for the animals?”
“Perhaps I’m more interested in farming that you are.”
“I’ll teach you.” he led you into the house. “Come on.”
The front living space was large, and in the corner of it had an oven, so that was where the kitchen would be. Lucius showed you the two rooms as well; each having a single pillow and a blanket.
“We’ll begin planting tomorrow.” he announced. “I don’t think I’ll have to wake you up.”
“You won’t.” You nodded. “Goodnight, Lucius.”
“Goodnight.” He said your name.
You didn’t think you’d ever get over the sound of your own name from his lips.
You named the horse after your mother. Well…not the exact same name, but a similar one. It was quite a scene too when confessing to Lucius you could exactly remember how to ride a horse by yourself.
He didn’t laugh at you, that was what greatly surprised you. He spent an hour teaching you, and you were able to ride her on your own.
Farming was more difficult than you thought it would be, but not so horrible either. Yes, where Lucius was patient with you for the first few days, he made a few snide comments as time passed. Nothing outright mean, but still enough to get under your skin.
Still, you managed to pick it up within the few weeks after that.
He had even let you help him finish the roof of the house; something you didn’t expect him to do. After living in the house for a month, both of you managed to buy actual beds for your rooms, among other luxuries like a few tables and chairs for the main living area, and utensils both for cooking and for eating.
The bathroom was completely bare. Having spent all the money on everything else, it would take time for the both of you to buy a bathtub. Bathing wasn’t a problem back on Atticus and Diana’s farm, but now being away from them, you would be forced to rely on the public baths in the city…
Even with some bathhouses having baths only for women, that did not stop men from forcing their way into them.
You didn’t mind being dirty for weeks on end.
The two of you fell into another pattern of life; you going into the city and spending hours translating foreign dialogue, and Lucius working on the farm for most days, sometimes accompanying you.
There was…something else strange as well.
It was always a coin toss on what weeks Lucius would speak to you or not.
Yes, he was always a man of few words, but this was different. There were some days when you asked him about his day, he would tell you what boring tasks he did. Than, on others, it was just one word: “Good.”
Never “Bad”, never “Just okay”; only “Good”. Even when you knew it wasn’t, that’s all he would say.
And you could endure it.
It had already been a little over half a year since the two of you started living together. In the eyes of Rome (as mere Plebians), you would be married once a year passed.
This was perhaps the best marriage you could ask for as a Roman woman. Still…every day that Lucius would not speak to you only brought more dread upon your shoulders.
When he stopped even looking at you, that was when you went to Diana one day.
“It’s so lovely to see you.” She smiled, setting down two cups of wine and sitting. “It’s felt like ages!”
With her youngest baby on your lap, you chuckled, taking a sip of your drink. “You honestly didn’t need to get the wine out.”
“Nonsense!” She waved her hand. “It’s a celebration just to be in your presence. I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you as well.”
“How’s the farm? Lucius?”
“Well,” you took another sip, setting your cup down. “the farm has been alright. I know at least how to properly water crops and know when they’re ready to harvest or not. I help Lucius sometimes, but…he likes things his own way. He was a farmer too, I understand.”
She hummed. “And as a betrothed? I hope having your own home would help; to me, you two treated each other more like acquaintances than anything else.”
All you could do was avoid eye contact and bounce the giggling baby on your knee.
“Ah.” She sighed. “So not much has changed?”
“We both talk more than we had at your farm, but somehow, less at the same time.” You explained.
Diana reached over and held your hand, asking softly. “When was the last time you were intimate?”
As if she were a man, you tore your hand from hers. “What?”
“I do not wish anything to be forced upon you,” she stated first. “especially with what has happened to you. But…it is still important, especially to your future marriage.”
“We…we haven’t done anything in…months.” You were not going to tell her you hadn’t even seen him naked. You were not going to tell her you hadn’t done you “duty” as a woman.
She nodded. “There must be something plaguing his mind terribly.”
“I know that!” You cried. “He just won’t tell me.”
“Men do not like talking,” Diana sighed. “I have been married to Atticus for fifteen years, and even after seven children, there are parts of his past I still do not know of. What Lucius frets over is important though. You must dig your heels into the ground and let him know you are not doing anything until he tells you what he has issue with.”
The baby on your lap cooed as you held her, reaching for parts of your clothing. Diana took her from you once the baby started fussing, and you offered her a grateful smile.
“I’ll try my best with him.”
She squeezed your shoulder. “He will come to his senses. If not, then he truly hit his head too hard in the Colosseum.”
Except, you couldn’t confront him when you got home. Even though the sun was only beginning to set, when you arrived, the house was silent. You peeked into his bedroom and saw that he was already fast asleep.
With a sigh, you finished your nightly activities, and when the sun went down, you were in your own bed.
The nightmare was unlike any you had before.
Hands from all around you reached out to you. Some grabbed clumps of your hair, stuck their fingers into your mouth, caressed the most intimate parts of your body, or even tear your skin off.
You blinked and then you were in the palace, surrounded by cloaked figures. Someone forced you onto your back, and you looked up and saw Geta, raising a knife high above his head before diving it into your stomach. He carved it out before digging his hands into the opening he made and pulled out your womb.
After sitting up in bed, you had thought you awoken. When you opened your bedroom door, you were welcomed to a field of reeds, seeing nothing for miles. All but a silhouette in the distance. You could not make out it to be a man or a woman; all you knew was that you needed to run to them.
Yet, even as you dashed through the fields, calling out a name you do not even remember, your feet sank into the ground with each step.
The earth swallowed you whole before you could even reach them.
You didn’t awake with a scream; you didn’t even awake with a cry. You did awake in a sweat. Sitting up, you slowly pulled the blanket away from your body. Your stomach was unwounded, and nothing had happened.
Without knowing why, you rose from your bed and slipped on your sandals. Not even putting on a robe, you walked out of the house into the cold, night air. Numbly, you treaded through the tall grass away from the house and stopped.
The stars above you watched as you fell to your knees, and the past finally had the last laugh.
You wept for your mother (whose touch you never felt).
You wept for your father (who you had to take care of the same way he took care of you).
You wept for Marcus (the first man outside of your father to ever see you as a person).
You wept for Lucilla (the woman who saved you in more ways than one).
You wept for the innocence you lost to the twin emperors (and how you mercilessly killed them).
You wept and wept, until you felt bile claw its way up your throat and out of your mouth.
The tears did not stop even after you were finished.
Two hands grabbed your shoulders from behind, and you tried to tear yourself away with a sharp cry. You were turned around, and even though your tears blinded you, you could see that it was Lucius.
“What’s wrong?” He asked, his eyes grown.
You couldn’t speak clearly, only shaking your head and saying ‘No’ over and over. Lucius led you to the water pump and sat you down by it. Cranking the handle until the water flowed freely, he cupped his hand to catch some of it before gently washing your face.
The cool water grounded you, and your sobs began to slow. Once you were only left with shallow breathing and a stuffed nose, Lucius finally sat beside you.
“What happened?” He asked again, although, returning to his normal, straight-toned self.
“Bad dream.” Was all you said.
He said nothing at first. Then, looking down at the grass beneath him, he said. “Would talking about it help you?”
It was meant to be a helpful question, but it only angered you. “You ask that now? After I run out into the night screaming?”
Lucius squinted his eyes. “Why does that bother you?”
“I know you have nightmares too.” You scoffed. “I have asked you dozens of times if you wish to talk to me about them, and you have always said no. You’ve never once asked me about mine, so how dare you expect me to tell you about it now when you cannot even share yours with me!”
“That’s not fair.” He shook his head.
You stood up, walking back to the house. “You’re right, it isn’t fair.”
He jumped to his feet. “You can’t walk away without telling me why this is troubling you.”
“You first.”
“What?”
You turned to face him. “We are to be married in less than a year, at least ‘In the eyes of Rome’ as you say, yet you do not even look at me anymore!”
His shoulders fell, and he shook his head. “I am looking at you-.”
“-I ask you how you are these days, and you lie to me every time.” You interrupted. “The few instances you allow me to work beside you, you criticize every little thing I do. I understand that I am the farthest thing you wanted for as a wife-.”
It was that word that struck a chord. Despite saying it every so often those past few months…it was only then it occurred to you that where Lucius was your first husband…you were not his first wife.
He tore his gaze away from yours, as if he knew you had figured it out. You sighed. “Gods above…I’m sorry for what has happened to her, and I will never know the loss of a love like that…but I cannot be viewed as her replacement-.”
“-Who told you that you were?” He sharpened his tone.
You swallowed, knowing that this would all end in tears no matter what you said. “You do not tell me anything. I will never ask you to care for me the way you cared for her, but she is gone-.”
“-I couldn’t do anything after she died but weep and watch her body float into the ocean.” He hissed. “I vowed to kill the man that slaughtered her, and I didn’t. It had been perhaps just a month since her death, did I promise myself to another woman. I have dishonored her memory three times.”
“I do not know how long you need me to apologize for something I could not control, but I will if that means you will stop hating me.”
“I don’t hate you.”
“You hate that I will be your wife!” Your voice was growing hoarse. “I don’t understand it at all. I will be whatever it is you wish me to be in few months’ time, because you will own me. Even if you wish me to be dead, it shall be done because what I want will not matter-.”
“-Must you make everything about yourself?!” He finally yelled. “Would it soothe you if I said I despised every part of you? That if Jupiter himself came down and offered me my old life in exchange for you, I would give you up to him?! Would it give you any peace of mind if I told you I would have rather died in the arena than live a thousand years with you?”
You had expected him to at least pause after he made his confession. To at least have the courage to look you in the eye and watch as the words sunk into your being. Yet, as soon as he finished, he stomped back to the house; and you were alone outside again.
The tears upon your face glimmered from the light in the sky above you, for all you could do was stare at the little farmhouse Lucius had built for you.
How strange that something you once saw as a sign of devotion, was now revealed to be one of complicity.
He had admitted his disdain for your future marriage. You knew that it would be loveless (you would never escape that), but you wished at least for respect. Seeing as how you were not even going to have that, you dragged your feet over to the tree where your horse was tied up. Mounting her with nothing but the clothes on your back, you raced down the pathway.
For the first day, you had stayed at Diana and Atticus’ farm. You said nothing about Lucius, and tried to spend the most time with the children to avoid any questions.
On the second day, you finally went back to the city. Even though the man in charge of you yelled louder than Lucius had at you, it did not phase you. You merely nodded and returned to work. With what money they paid you for the day, you spent it on a room at the safest inn you could find. You had another nightmare that night. Not as horrible as the one two days prior, but awful enough for you to lay awake until the sun rose.
The third day seemed to be ordinary, until you finished your job, and you were promenading along the market. As you eyed the fruit at Isidorus’ stand, a man came to stand beside you.
“Good sir,” you heard Lucius’ voice. “do you have a wife?”
Isidorus nodded. “I do.”
“What from your stand would you give her if she was angry at you?”
He eyed you before smiling at Lucius. “My ears to listen.”
You turned, promptly walking away. Of course, Lucius followed.
“I didn’t know you confided into strangers about our qualms.”
“He’s not a stranger.” you kept trying to lose him. “And gifts will not suffice for an apology this time.”
He got in front of you, uttering your name. You stopped, sighing. “What else have you come to say to me?”
“That I am a fool.”
Although you weren’t necessarily expecting him to admit it, you only nodded. “You very much are.”
He began. “For my entire life, I was not allowed to be entirely truthful with others. Whether it was how I felt in the moment, or even my own name. I’m not used to the freedom of being candid with one another. And I have been mistreating you; I have provided a home, but I haven’t provided your wellbeing. Ari-.” Lucius paused, breathing through his nose. “Arishat and I lived on a farm, that was all I knew while being a husband. I will love her until the end of my days, but that does not give me the right to neglect you. I will…I will try with all my being to share my thoughts with you.”
You stared at him, feeling as if you would blink, and you would awaken from another dream. Yet once you did and saw that he was still in front of you, you said.
“I didn’t mean to insult your memory of her.”
He shook his head. “I believe she would hit me if she were here and saw how I treated you.”
“Thank you.” You nodded. “Truly, for everything. I…it’s not only you, I don’t know if I will ever feel like myself after…everything.”
Lucius already knew. Still, looking around himself, he then said. “Where is your horse?”
“The inn I’ve been staying at has a stable. You walked the whole way here?”
“It’s what I deserved.”
“You smell horrible.” You mustered a shy grin.
He mirrored you, looking away. “I have for a while.”
“I do as well. I was…I was going to brave the baths; would you like to join me?”
Your offer took him by surprise. Usually, a question like that would be an invitation to more salacious activities to take place. Still, what took him aback more was how you were initially so afraid of the public baths, yet there you were.
“I shall.” He agreed.
Thus, the two of you walked beside one another. There were many baths in Rome, yet it would be challenging to find one that had a separate bath for women and one for men. By the time you reached the third bathhouse, you sighed.
“This will do.”
Lucius shook his head. “I’ll ask the workers at this one if they know-.”
“-No.” You stopped him. “It’s fine. I wish to speak more with you.”
He was still hesitant, but gave in. The two of you entered and drifted off to the separate changing rooms. It was strange that the bathhouse had rooms for the different sex to disrobe, but not baths itself.
After locking your clothes away, you ventured out into the main pool. You were welcomed to an array of naked bodies. You weren’t entirely innocent of course, even before everything. You were never to see any of these people again; it was Lucius you would live with.
Quickly, you disappeared half of your body under the surface of the water and clung to the wall of the large bath. Other people around you laughed and socialized, only putting you more in the eyes of men who only came to the baths for one thing.
Yet, before you could take a moment to worry, your eyes fell to Lucius who entered. You soon averted them and felt the water shift beside you as he entered. You turned to look at him, leveling yourself with the side of the pool, essentially shoulder to shoulder with him. The hear radiating off of his body onto yours reminded you too much of that night months ago; the one where you whispered your name into his ear.
“What were you like as a boy?” You questioned in an attempt to hide how flustered you were.
He hummed. “Why do you ask?”
“If you wish to be more honest with me, than I think it should be best to stary with something minor.”
“I understand. I was spoiled growing up in the palace. Still, I wished nothing more than for adventure. All my life, the mere thought of war and battles were taught as a way to bring glory to the empire; pride for one’s family. I had gotten my foolish wish when Maximus died, and my mother sent me away from Rome.” He paused momentarily, before continuing. “I ran all across the land until I was thirteen, where I finally settled in Numidia. I had changed my named too many times to count and settled upon Hanno.”
Your attention did not waver for a moment. When he was finished you asked. “How old were you when you left?”
“Eight…” There was a sad silence between the two of you. A silence held in almost reverence for all the troubles he had been through. “What about you?”
Even with your uneasiness to answer your starkly different childhood, you did so; also have been promising to be honest with him. You spoke of your father, your past friends, the house you grew up in. He never once looked upon you with envy or hatred.
“Your father sounded like a good man.” He said.
“He was.” You nodded, feeling a weight settle in your chest. "I think he would have liked you.”
“I can only hope.”
The conversation halted after that, unknown if you should wait for him to ask a question, or for you to ask another. Both of your eyes drifted around the bath house as people filtered in and out. When your gaze fell back onto Lucius’ you watched his eyes flicker to something behind you. Before you could utter a word, he placed his hand upon your bare back, bringing his lips to the space between your ear and your jaw.
It all happened so fast you had no time to react, and your body shivered upon the feel of him being so close to you.
“There’s a man eyeing you from behind.” He whispered into your skin. “Don’t look at him, just keep looking at me. I’m sorry.”
You pulled away slightly, doing as he told. He traced circles on your back with his thumb, staring intently at you. Even as you shrunk under his eyes, they did not frighten you.
Deciding to play along, you trailed your hand up his bare arm until resting on his shoulder. You felt his skin erupt into goosebumps and he took a sharp intake of breath.
“Okay?” You asked.
He nodded. “Yes, it’s just…it’s been a while.”
Anyone with any sense knew that meant more than one thing. It had been a while since he felt anyone’s touch; nonetheless, a naked woman’s.
From behind him, you saw a small group of girls all looking at you. They all looked a little younger than you, and acted like so, giggling loudly and talking without a care in the world. It was only then that you noticed they were looking at Lucius.
“Is there someone eyeing me now?” He attempted to tease you when he noticed your gaze.
You nodded, no hint of humor behind your voice. “A good few of them.”
“Is that so?”
You removed your hand. “I wouldn’t mind, you know.”
“Wouldn’t mind what?” He pinched his eyebrows together.
“…Getting your release from a woman that isn’t me.” You were puzzled by his seeming ignorance. “You’re a man, I understand-.”
He said your name with somewhat of gasp. You didn’t listen one bit.
“No, I mean it. I will not be more selfish than I already have been, expecting you to remain celibate because I don’t think I will-.”
Lucius said your name again and you stopped. Even when you did, he said it a third time as if to know he had your attention. He continued to run his fingers up and down your back.
“I will not dishonor you-.”
“-I have been dishonored several times before, it does not matter-.”
“-Listen to me.” He said softly yet firmly. “Even if I desired someone carnally, it is not selfish of you to want my loyalty. I’m not a boy who wishes to bed anything that breathes. I don’t think I can do so with someone I do not have any deep feelings for. You are my wife, and I will not treat you less.”
He didn’t call you his ‘betrothed’. As if, the moment you accepted his apology, you were already his other half. To hear him speak with so much certainty after neither of you knowing what any day would bring…it brought an astonishing comfort you never knew you needed.
“Thank you.” You felt like your heart could beat again.
“You don’t-.”
“-No but I do. I don’t…I don’t think I could give you anything of myself if you wanted it. It’s still…I remember a lot of what Geta did to me, and I forgot it at the same time. It doesn’t happen a lot in my nightmares, but it still does. That one night you found me he…he cut out my womb and held it in his hands. I thought I woke up, but I didn’t, and I think I was in Elysian Fields, but I only saw a shadow. I don’t know what any of that means.”
Lucius let you finish all of the anxiety you had thrown onto him. Still, releasing a shallow breath, he said.
“You die in most of my dreams.” He clarified. “The bad ones, I mean. A lot of people do, but you’ve been in them the most. There are times I see both you and Arishat, or my mother, or all three of you and…those are the worst. The night I found you outside, I couldn’t…I had a horrible dream that I couldn’t even see your face, but I knew it was you when I found you hanging in the Colosseum.”
If the both of you weren’t naked and, in the bathhouse, you would have embraced him. Yet, with the most understanding look in your eyes, you brought your hand to the base of his neck, his loose curls between your fingers. You swore you felt him relax into your touch for just a moment.
“I’ve known everyone to have their own beliefs of dreams.” You whispered. “They’re meant to predict the future, they reflect the past, they are punishments, they are blessings, and they mean nothing. I wonder if it’s possible they are all of them.”
He nodded. “I don’t know what I believe in anymore.”
“I do.” Lucius unknowingly leaned into you just ever so slightly. You grinned from ear to ear, pulling your hand away from him. “I believe you need to cut your hair.”
He chortled. “I’m not spending anything on cutting it. It’s fine.”
“I’ll cut it then.”
“I would rather be stabbed.”
“Oh, quit being dramatic.” you playfully swatted him. “There’s a reason I would’ve been a better hairdresser than tailor.”
The two of you teased one another for a minute longer after that. Than, even though the conversation died, it was not in vain. There was a quiet gentleness and protectiveness as you both shared a short distance between each other while bathing. Lucius kept his eye on you more than you did him, knowing that it was always possible a man could try to take advantage of you.
When all was said and done, you got your horse from the stable at the inn, and the two of you rode back to the farm with a newfound understanding of each other.
More than a year and a half have passed since the fall of the Roman Empire and its subsequent birth of the Republic. Your strange marriage with Lucius grew into a friendship of respect and understanding. You both talked more than you had when you were first betrothed, even if your busy schedules remained the same.
The farm had improved after its first harvest, even raising enough money to build a chicken coop and house a few chickens. The house itself was more furnished, and the two of you managed to purchase a bathtub, no longer needing to use the public ones in the city.
Both of you had changed as well. Even with what minimal farm work you did, it built both your strength and stamina. Lucius had begun to grow out his facial hair; not much for it to be an actual beard, but more so just under his nose. You’d joke about it looking like a caterpillar, to which he would lightly shove you away.
After the intimate discussion the two of you shared, it was only then you both realized you still didn’t know much about each other. Most importantly, the little things that made each of you a person.
So, you’d take time to get to know one another.
You were helping Lucius pull weeds around the crops when you found out he had ripped a monkey’s throat out with his teeth during his very first gladiator fight.
You were reading a collection of poetry one night when Lucius told you that you mouth the words of whatever you’re reading if you find it most interesting.
During supper one night, Lucius ate the entirety of the plate only to then eat whatever else you hadn’t. That was when your theory was proven right; he does forget to eat sometimes.
Both of you had tried to keep the housework to an equal amount; if he cooked one night, you’d clean the kitchen and vice versa. Yet, some remained stagnant; you always cut his hair, yet he always changed the horses’ shoes.
Cutting his hair was perhaps your favorite way to speak with him.
“Remember to clean your sandals before coming in next time.” He reminded you as he sat on a tree trunk outside. “You tracked in mud.”
Standing behind him while trimming small hairs, you shook your head. “My apologies, master of the house; it was downpouring and I was freezing.”
“Serves you right, I’d say.”
You placed the tip of the shears against his neck. “What else do you have to say?”
He snickered. “That you’re an astonishing woman who I am blessed to be with."
“Wrong answer, all lies.” You pretended to stab him, only to bring the shears back to his hair.
“I’m not lying!” Lucius laughed.
You only gave him a ‘tsk’ before continuing. “Are you sleeping any better?”
He said nothing at first. Your eyes drifted down to his hands and saw him pull on his tunic; another telltale sign of his nervousness.
“I keep seeing my mother’s face.” He admitted. “Only her face, nothing else.”
“It was the third night last night, right?”
“Yes.”
You sighed. “Would you want to hear a dream I had a few days ago to make you feel better?”
“Better because it was happy, or because you think I’ll feel happy I wasn’t you?”
“The latter.”
“Tell me.”
You turned his head to the side gently, continuing your work. “I stood in front of the entire senate of Rome, and they were all laughing at me. I don’t even know what I said, they only laughed and laughed.”
“Is that not what happened to you in the waking day?”
“No, they listened…I think.” You shook our head. “It more so angers me that, in the waking life, I presented logic to them, and they still chose Macrinus who showed nothing of the sort.”
“Some men like to speak of only desiring logic yet run away with their emotions once it is presented.” Lucius stated. “What had you told them?”
“That all of Rome would continue to riot if they killed Lucilla.” You said grimly. “I still don’t understand; they had their proof of the rage Rome’s children could feel when their general was killed, the only reason the city did not fall was because Macrinus was slain. I’m done.”
You set your shears down and Lucius stood, shaking the fallen hair off his clothes. He turned to you.
“If it matters at all, I think the only reason this house hasn’t fallen is because of you.”
Grinning from ear to ear, you shoved him playfully. “Away with you, you’re just as much of the reason as I am.”
“I do all that I can.”
There were moments like this where you would not speak of childhood memories or events of your day. These moments were reserved for the days where it felt like time slowed down just to give you two the grace to speak about them in more detail.
With only a single candle between the two of you one quiet night, you told him how you have to walk a different path in the city sometimes simply to avoid brothels; hating the sounds you would hear from inside, the stench of cheap perfume and sweating bodies burning your nose, the men who would brag to their friends about the women they had.
At breakfast one day, before the sun had even rose, Lucius told you about a time when he was ten, still on the run. He had gone into a man’s house with the promise of food, only to then be hit the head with something so heavy, he was knocked out. He had awoken in a dark room, but managed to find a curtained window, and escaped. He never knew what would have happened to him if he had woken up just a minute later.
There was tenderness you shared with him that you had never shared with anyone in your life.You sht
That was only more apparent on one fateful day.
The first bad omen for the day that morning was when you had run out of sugar for breakfast. The second was when your horse was extra stubborn as you rode her into the city; it was so out of the ordinary, you wondered if you did something to make her hate you.
Still, everything was fine once you went to work. At least it was for the first half of the day.
There were aggressive people from across the land coming into the city you certainly had to deal with, but the worst was when a man twice your size bluffed you with a slap. Even so, the other men you worked with had yelled and sent him away.
That day though…there was a woman with a look in her eyes.
You thought you had seen pure rage when you had been with Geta. Yet, that day was a lesson to you; wrath had many faces.
She mumbled in Greek, but you did not know what she said at first. Then, she attempted to speak Latin. You politely told her you could speak Greek, and so with exhaustion, she told you that she was going to visit her mother.
When asked for her mother’s name, she didn’t say it. After asking again, she became enraged, yelling at you that she should just be able to be let in. When you resisted, she grabbed your bad arm, yanking it to pull you closer to her.
The pain shot through your shoulder like a bolt of lightning, and you cried out. She tugged on your hair as the men beside you tried to pry her away from you. Luckily, she didn’t manage to yank any of it out once the men forced her away from you. Tears fell freely over your face as you cradled yourself, unable to stop the sobs from leaving your lips.
They let you leave early yet paid you as if you were there the whole day.
The ride back to the farm wasn’t any better, but at least your steed took notice of your heartache and was more merciful to you. When you made it home, you slowed her down when you saw Lucius limping towards the house.
You both stopped where you were, staring at one another as if you weren’t supposed to be seeing the other.
“Why are you back so early?” He asked first.
“Why are you dragging your foot?” You asked second.
Lucius took a deep breath, and you saw tears in his eyes. “I fell.”
The only time you had seen him cry was when burying Lucilla; it wouldn’t be from simply falling. You slowly pulled yourself off your horse but did so quick enough before he could rush to help you. You wished nothing more than to pull him into the warmth of the house, to sit him down and tend to his wound to distract you from your own.
Yet, the moment you took his hand, he began to weep.
“Oh Lucius.” You whispered, bringing your hand up to cradle his face. He wrapped both of his arms around you, bringing you onto the ground with him. You yelped a little when he squeezed your bad shoulder too tight, and he pulled away.
“What happened?” He asked.
You shook your head. “You need-.”
“-What happened?!”
Knowing he wouldn’t stop asking, you told him. “Someone at the gate attacked me. Pulled on my bad arm, my hair…it wasn’t as bad as you’d think-.”
“-Where is he?” He lowered his tone and his demeanor.
Your jaw dropped into a surprised huff. “She is long gone by now, and even if she wasn’t then as my husband, you should stay with me instead of wandering the streets of Rome hoping to find someone to be your anger’s victim!”
Though he still wore that rage upon his face, it soon fell once he saw your own tears fall from your eyes like dewdrops on flowers. Lucius laid himself flat on the dirt, and you sat above him.
“I have been married to you longer than I had been to Arishat.” He confessed. “I knew her for longer, but-but not as deeply; no, I-I knew her more than…I don’t…It’s been long since her death, yet there are moments I think of her, and I cannot stop crying.”
You never knew this was in his heart. You knew to never speak of Arishat, only listen whenever he would bring her up (even so, it was once in a blue moon).
“I’m sorry.” He sniffled, trying to pull himself together. “I know she is gone, and I shouldn’t be-.”
“-You shouldn’t what?” You interrupted. “Remember her? You think I wish for you to forget the woman you so loved?”
He shook his head. “No, but it’s selfish of me to-.”
You were the one to make him lose his words this time. With both hesitation certainty, you placed his head into your lap. It was too late for you to stop once you did, and you felt your own body tense. Then, upon taking a look at his body battered from rigorous work, and another at his face, which relaxed with his eyes fully shut, you ran your fingers through his hair.
“Lucius,” you sighed. “never will I think you are a horrible man for mourning her. You missing her shows just how much you adored her, and how she was a treasure to you. In another life, above all, I wish I could have met her. You are not in the wrong for wanting to see her again. I know you do not love me-.”
“-I do love you.” He opened his eyes upon saying it.
Your heart felt as if it was going to beat itself out of your chest and run away when he said those four words. To preserve your sanity, you took it a different way and smiled sadly.
“Not in the way you loved her.” You said softly. “But what else more can I ask for in a husband than one who treats me with a gentleness I did not know was possible? One who has been there to protect me even before we were married?”
Lucius took a deep breath, rubbing his face to clear away his tears. “You’re too good to me.”
“Gods above,” you groaned tiredly. “we can go back and forth on who deserves each other. Let us just go back into the house, have supper, and sleep.”
“I would like that.” He hissed as he went to stand.
Helping him, once he was on his best foot, you said. “You never told me what you did to your leg.”
He looked behind him at the field. “There was a snake and a rock.”
You gave him a look. “And what happened with them?”
“I don’t wish to speak of it.” He said grimly.
In any other instance, you would have laughed. Yet, as his eyes were still heavy from crying, you just nodded. The both of you helped each other into the house, and you sat him down on one of the several cushions in the living area.
“Your arm,” he asked. “how bad is it?”
You shook your head. “Just really sore. I think she might have left a nasty bruise or two somewhere, but I won’t know yet.”
“Put one of the cloths in the pot with water and put it over the fire.” He told. “Take it out after a few minutes, let it rest for another, then put it on your shoulder. It should help.”
“Thank you.” You stood, doing so, saying. “I swore we had bandages somewhere. I’ll make something for you to drink too; I bought some herbs just last week.”
He nodded, not taking his eyes off of you as you worked. If it were any other man, you would have felt unsafe; yet, it was only Lucius.
Little by little that night, both of you helped heal one another.
Half a year passed since that night, and you and Lucius had only grown closer. Perhaps as close as you could be with a man who was not your husband by choice.
Not much on the farm had changed; you two were living comfortably, and happily, almost making all the turmoil from the first year worth it. The both of you decided to make more visits to Atticus and Diana’s home, realizing just how much you both missed having someone to talk to outside of each other; but that did not mean you had to keep things hidden of course.
If anything, you shared everything with each other.
So much so, that when Lucius asked you why you held onto him longer when he embraced you on your birthday, you told him the truth.
“I don’t want every time we touch to be when it is in turmoil.” You explained, growing meeker. “And I…I’ve missed the feeling of it when it has not been forced upon me.”
Lucius stared at you with a look you had never seen from him. He had been gentle with you many a times, but they way his eyes fell into yours…
He took a step closer to you, and when you showed no sign of discomfort, he took your face into his hands. Your eyes shut at the feeling of him, and he pressed his head against yours. Never in your life had someone’s breath upon your skin feel so immaculate.
From there on out, it always seemed like you had to have a hand on each other one way or another.
It started with holding hands whenever walking through the city together. He used to ‘lead’ you through the crowds in the past, but more so with a hand hovering over your back. No, him holding your hand meant he would have to go where you would go if anything were to happen.
Alongside this, he’d reach over and hold it at Atticus and Diana’s house; whether it was during dinner, or simply just talking. The eldest child had said what the rest of the household had been thinking.
“They’re finally acting like they’re married!”
Because even when there were no other eyes besides yours, he would still hold your hand. You wonder if it ever became a way for Lucius to ground himself; because it certainly did for you.
You hugged him more often as well. Those used to be for ‘substantial’ occasions; those being celebrations or heartbreaks. Now, they were incorporated into greetings and goodbyes. Of course, it only took a few weeks before they were than made into simple desires.
He would be cooking dinner, and you would come beside him to embrace him. You would be gathering eggs from the chickens, and he would wait for you to set the basket down before tossing his arms around you.
At night, it was normal for you both to trade spots as one of you would read a story, and the other would have their head in the other’s lap.
This happened on so many occasions, it shouldn’t have come as a surprise for what Lucius proposed next, but it did.
“If you don’t favor the question I’m about to ask you, then you are allowed to never speak to me again.” He said, his feet hanging off the arm of the lecti couch you both bought that year.
“Well,” you scoffed, sitting on the end of it. “I will have to speak to you again because we live together.”
“Would you want to sleep in my room tonight?” Never in your life had you thought that would have been his question. When you didn’t speak right away, he backtracked. “I don’t expect you to. I understand if-.”
“-The nights are growing colder.” You stated, no visible uneasiness. “I’ve noticed it, and I don’t think any number of blankets could warm me.”
He swallowed thickly, and this was perhaps one of the first times you’d ever seen him like this. “Yes…it’s cold.”
You nodded, and another beat of silence fell between you two. Standing up, you tugged at the seams of your dress. “I-I’ll go change.”
“Yes,” he sat up. “I shall as well.”
Disappearing into your room, you tossed your day clothes off then slipped on a nightdress. After pacing around the floor for a few moments, you gathered the courage to go out into the hall and knock on Lucius’ door.
It was opened as if he was standing right behind it.
He wore just a plain, tattered tunic, and said nothing; yet, you caught his eyes run down you before immediately bringing them back to your face. You were not even in his room yet, and already your body grew warmer.
“May I come in?” You asked.
“Yes, of course.” He stepped aside and you entered.
Somehow, you were no longer man and wife; you were two people who had just discovered a strange, yet burning, feeling that you both held for one another. A feeling that you were both afraid to say aloud…because then it would be real.
The only light in his room was from the moon just peeking through the curtain of his one window. Looking around, you saw that it was still just the bare minimum; a bed, a small table beside it with a lamp, and a dresser. The only others things of note were his sword leaning against the wall, and just a few dirty clothes on the floor.
“I-I tried to clean before you came.” He mentioned.
“Is the rest under the bed?” You asked.
He chuckled. “Yes.”
Before you could change your mind, you pulled the covers off one side of the bed and slid under them. Glancing behind at Lucius, you saw him wear a look where you knew he wanted to say something.
“What is it?” You asked.
“That’s usually the side I sleep on but-.”
You rolled over to the other side. “Are you content now?”
He wheezed, moving to his designated side, slipping under the covers. “Very.”
“Good.” You smiled up at him.
His own mouth lowered as you could see him thinking. He then said. “I don’t expect us to do anything.”
You watched as his eyes dropped from you, as if it was too invasive just to merely look. Thinking from only your heart, you scooted closer, resting your hand on his arm. You ran your fingers up and down his muscles, but then guided his arm to wrap around your waist.
“Okay?”
He hummed, pulling you just a little closer. “Yes.”
“And we’ll just lay together?” You whispered. “Nothing else?”
“Nothing else.”
And that’s what you did. The compete truth was that you would caress him only to remind yourself that it was Lucius and not Geta. His arms, his back, his face…he was nothing like him.
After a few more nights, you told him that as you both lay awake, unable to sleep. He had pulled you on top of him that night, saying that you could see his face better in the moonlight. You only giggled, hiding your face in his chest; even that was too much for you.
It was easier to tell each other things in the darkness. You always knew that, but with being in the same bed (you had not gone back to your room for a week), the words flowed out of both your mouths.
“After my father died,” you said one night as you laid on your side facing him. “I would stroke my own hair or even my arms and pretend they were someone else’s. Even when I was with Geta.”
Lucius stared at you, then immediately began to caress your cheek. You shut your eyes, sighing at the feeling.
“I never thought I’d be able to sleep next to another woman again.” He whispered.
“And now?” You looked into his eyes.
He stopped his movements, but did not remove his hand. You watched every part of him. How his chest heaved shallowly, his arms tensing ever so slightly, but his eyes…gods his eyes. They were heavy as they looked at you; a look that made your heart flutter and not shutter.
Swallowing your fear, you sat up and inched closer to him. Your face hovered above his, and your breath heated his skin. His hand continued to trace shapes about your cheek, and shutting your eyes, you placed your lips upon his.
It was the gentlest kiss you ever shared with a man.
You had pulled away, dreading to see how he felt. When your eyes befell his gentle smile, and his other hand came up to cup your face, you kissed him again.
And again, and again, and again.
You climbed upon his lap without pulling your lips away from him, wrapping your arms around his neck. He sat up, his own arm encircling your waist and drawing you impossibly closer.
Lucius parted from you, and as you whined at the loss of his lips, they soon settled upon your cheek, and then your jaw, and then your chin. Your heavy pants turned to soft grunts as he kissed down your neck, his mustache scratching your skin in just the right way.
Your hands settled into his hair the lower he traveled, moving your night gown off your shoulder to kiss your collarbone. You felt yourself becoming intoxicated from him, and only then noticed you had been for a while.
Oh, how you wished you could bottle up his laugh, his strength, his stubbornness, and get drunk every night. His kisses only added fuel to the fire that was your desire for him.
He sunk his teeth into your skin, and your body, once enflamed, ran cold.
“No!” You tore yourself from his lap, nearly falling off the bed.
Lucius said your name, leaning forward on instinct but soon stopped once he saw you crawl away. “I’m sorry.”
You opened your mouth, but nothing came out. All you knew was that you needed to go, so you did. Cradling yourself in your arms, you got up from his bed, rushing out of his room and into yours.
You half expected him to knock on the door, then, when you wouldn’t answer, him yell and curse you before breaking it down. Yet nothing of the sort happened. You heard his own door open, and you saw his shadow on the other side, but he did not touch your door. He left after a moment of waiting.
When his own door shut, did you finally cry.
You told yourself that night, you would wake up far earlier than Lucius would so you simply wouldn’t have to see him.
When you awoke, you did the exact opposite. You laid in your bed, trying to return to sleep, only to be forced to lie in the dark. The sun rose into your room, and you heard Lucius’ door open. Still, you did not get up.
It was quite comedic, actually. With your door still shut, he knew you were still home. How he tried his best to keep quiet for you, yet his footsteps had always been heavy, the front door had always creaked, and you could always hear him cursing under his breath every time.
When you knew he had left the house, that was when you stood from your bed, slipping on your sandals. You didn’t bother changing out of your nightdress, leaving your room, and then the house.
Lucius was amongst the chickens when he saw you. He didn’t bother hiding the surprise upon his face at the sight of you. You walked to him until there was little space between you.
“Last night-.”
You took his hand from his side, placing it upon your face. He rubbed your cheek with his thumb as if it was natural. Kissing the palm of his hand, you trailed it down to your clothed breast. He breathed your name with hesitance, but you shushed him. You held his hand there, not taking your eyes off him.
“I will show you, one day.” You told him. “I will show you the mark Geta had made. The one where I myself can scarcely see it, yet I know that it haunts me. But now…” You brought your other hand up to his face, tracing your thumb over his lip. “I just want you to understand.”
He kissed the pad of your thumb, nodding. You embraced him, and he held you with both gentleness and ferocity. The rest of the day carried on as normal, yet you aided him with the chores on the farm.
You went to bed with him that night, but it was the first time he did not entrap you in his arms. You knew he was still afraid of hurting you, but you would be a liar if you said you weren’t thankful for the space.
Still, he would feel your touch every day; whether it was something as small as brushing his hand, or as substantial as kissing his cheek.
As the both of you lay awake one night, you played with the sleeve of his tunic.
“Could I lie on top of you?” You asked.
Lucius looked over at you, nodding. “You never need to ask.”
“I want to.” You climbed on top of him, straddling his lap. “I never want to force you to do anything.”
His eyes fell to your hips before returning them to your face. “I’ll tell you if I wish to not do something. I hope you know you can as well.”
“I do. Would you like to touch me?”
“Where do you want me to touch you?”
You moved his hands to your hips, which he held firmly, yet not enough to hurt you. You leaned down so your lips touched his.
“No teeth.” You said.
“No teeth.” He repeated.
Lucius sighed into your mouth as you kissed. Despite how you were on top of him, the kiss was sweet, shy even. When you pulled away, you trailed your lips from his cheek to his ear.
“Do you dream about me?” You rasped.
He said nothing, and you continued to kiss every part of his face besides his lips.
“It’s okay.” You kissed his Adam’s Apple. “I want you too.”
“Yes.” His breath hitched.
“What was I doing in your favorite one?” You kissed his pulse point.
“You,” he breathed sharply through his nose. “you’re touching yourself.”
“Would that please you?” You sat up in somewhat surprise, resting your hands on his chest. “To watch me do so?”
He shook his head. “I want to do what pleases you.”
It felt foreign to hear someone say they want you to feel good. Instead of cowering from it, you faced it head on. You kneeled for a moment, hiking your gown up to your hips before sitting back on your ankles, exposing yourself to him. Lucius’ jaw clenched at the sight of your naked center, and he drew his hands away from your hips, falling them into fists upon the mattress.
“I wish to watch you as you watch me.”
Without looking away from you, he drew his hand down to his cock, pulling it out from under his tunic. Your eyes grew just a hint. There was no doubt upon him being more well-endowed than others, but it was still different from how you imagined.
Shutting your eyes, you trailed your fingers over your cunt, your thumb playing with your clit. The sounds of Lucius’ smothered grunts, and the skin of his cock on his fingers only added to your pleasure. Digging deeper and moving faster, you felt a coil within your stomach tighten when you opened your eyes and saw as Lucius’ gaze bore into yours.
Light moans escaped your lips as your hips moved with a mind of their own, watching the man beneath you take pleasure from his own hand. It was him chanting your name like a prayer that sent you over the edge. With your eyes shut, the coil within you snapped, and pleasure filled your veins.
Not long after, you felt a warmth coat your nightdress. Opening your eyes, you looked down and saw the white-hot residue of Lucius’ release. Your gaze drew to his cock, still clutched in his hand, yet red with droplets of white running over his knuckles.
You don’t know what possessed you to, but you lowered your mouth down to clean him with your tongue.
“Gods be good!” He huffed, laughing your name.
“What?” You wiped your mouth.
“You’re going to be the death of me.”
Grinning like the devil, you slid off the bed, walking towards the door. “I hope it’s a pleasant one then.”
He sat up. “Where are you going?”
“To change. You dirtied me as well.” You teased.
“Take one of my tunics from the dresser.”
It almost made you laugh that he didn’t want you to leave for even a second. You opened the top drawer, grabbing the longest tunic you could find before facing him. “Close your eyes.”
He laid on his side, putting a pillow over his head. Many would find it strange how the both of you would see the most intimate parts of yourself while doing one of the most intimate acts together, yet you didn’t want him to see you naked.
But Lucius never thought of it as strange. He knew what you had been through, and never once judged you.
When you were clothed, you slid into bed, wrapping your arms around his body and pressing a quick kiss to the back of his neck.
“You’re a good man, Lucius Verus Aurelius.” You whispered. “I will tell you that until the day you die, or when you finally believe me.”
He squeezed your hand, relaxing into your touch. You never slept so peacefully until that night.
You always had to see him whenever he would touch you so intimately. There would be nights where there was only a single candle in the room either while he caressed the swell of our breasts, or the inside of your thigh as you sat on his lap.
His fingers were too much for you at first, but he never ridiculed you. When you whimpered at the feeling, he retracted them, kissing your eyes. You asked him again to try, and he whispered praises into your hair as the pain from a dry spell soon turned into pleasure.
It was usually at night did these moments of exploration occurred. In the day, the most you would ever do was kiss. That is, until the first time you cut his hair since the discovery of feelings.
“I don’t want to get hair on your floor.” Lucius said as he sat on the floor, leaning his back against the foot of your bed. It was hotter than sin that day. He wore nothing but a loincloth, but that barely did anything to help him from the heat. You wore essentially a thin shift that would usually be under your dress; yet again, because of the heat, that was all you wore.
You sat on the bed, legs draped over his shoulders as you cut his hair. “It’s your floor too. You built the house.”
“You know what I mean.”
“I haven’t slept here for a while now. Besides, I will clean up.”
“I had no idea you favored doing domestic work now.” He turned and pressed a kiss to your knee.
You slapped the back of his head. “Don’t move! I’ll give you a bald spot if you do so again.”
“Yes, my mistress of the house.” He joked.
“You’re horrible.”
“You just told me I was a good man not so long ago.”
“And I can just as easily revoke that title.”
He stayed silent the rest of the time, but not from any underlining anger. Simply from his at ease posture, you knew he was smiling.
He smiled more those days.
When you were finished, you tossed your scissors aside, but Lucius’ hands settled upon your thighs, not allowing you to get up. You scoffed.
“What is it?”
He turned to face you, kneeling up to meet you. “I wish to try something, but only if you wish it as well.”
You rose your brow, but smiled, kissing his nose. “It will be difficult if I do not know what it is.”
Without drawing his eyes away from yours, he slid his hands up your thighs, bringing the bottom of your shift with it. It seemed normal at first, but once he lowered his mouth, your chest tightened.
“What are you doing?” You asked.
“I want to kiss you there.” His breath caressed your cunt and you mewled at the feeling. “I think you’ll enjoy it, but we don’t have to.”
Your heart changed from beating in fear, to then in anticipation. You loved how he kissed your lips, and every inch of your skin that was not covered, what would it feel like to have his lips there?
Kissing the top of his head, you laid on your elbows, nodding.
“Let me hear you say it.” He nosed the inside of your thigh.
“Yes.” You sighed. “Please.”
He lowered his mouth back down, pressing the lightest of kissed onto your center. You groaned through shut lips, only for them to part open as the hairs of his mustache tickled you whilst he began to lap at your wetness.
Tossing your head back, you sat up, running your hands through his hair, unconsciously rolling your hips to meet his mouth. His groan reverberated through your body, only adding to the pleasure you were feeling.
“Lucius, Lucius,” you babbled his name until it didn’t sound like a word.
His nose bumped against your aching clit the same time his tongue penetrated your cunt. You yelped as that familiar, tightening feeling swept over you. His half-lidded eyes would stare up at you every once in a while, as he would continue to drink from you as if he had been stranded in the desert. Just as you were on the brink of release, you drew him away from you.
“What-what is it?” He huffed. “What’s wrong?”
You shook your head, pressing your lips to his before scooting further up the bed. With one last breath, you pulled your shift over your head, revealing your bare body to him. His gaze ran over your figure unashamedly.
“Come here.” You beckoned.
He crawled onto the bed and over your body, yet still looked at your face. You took his hand and laid it over your breast. His body ran cold at what was on the side of it. A bite mark.
“He branded me all those years ago.” You confessed. “And it has not left since.”
Geta…
You ran your hand up his chest. “I love you, and I trust you with every part of my body. I need you to know that.”
“I love you.” He echoed, pressing the tenderest of kisses to the mark and you gasped lightly. “I have for so long now; I…I need you.”
“Then have me.”
He sat back on his knees, unwrapping his loin cloth and tossing it to the floor. Precum leaked from his sweltering cock as it stood upright like a pillar. You crawled over, kissing every inch of his face and climbing into his lap. He drew his arms around your waist, his finger tracing circles into the small of your back.
“I don’t know how long I will last.” He puffed heavily. “It’s been so long.”
“I just want you inside of me.” You kissed his jaw, taking his cock into your hand and sinking down onto it. It had been a while for you too, and while you were soaked, it was not enough to completely subside the tightness. “Just…wait.”
“I could die happy if all you wanted was for me to remain still as you’re above me.” He said into your ear.
You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, sinking your nails into his skin because that was the only way to remind you that he was still there. The further you sunk down on him, the easier and more pleasureful you felt.
“I’m going to move now.” You said into his shoulder, and you did.
Slowly, at first you relished in the quiet slapping of skin and the breath moans leaving both you and Lucius’ lips. He trailed a syrupy line of kisses down your throat until he bowed his head to place them upon your chest.
“Your name,” Lucius said into your skin. “tell me your name.”
You gave him a look as you rolled your hips into his, yet sighed your name.
“Again.” He breathed, latching his lips around the tip of your breast.
You did.
“Again.” He kissed the hollow of your throat.
You leaned into his touch, saying your name a third time.
He repeated your given name, than following it with ‘Aurelias’. Your movements stilled, yet he did not care.
“You are the most cunning woman I have met, and you are my wife.” He stated, never looking away from you. Tears sprang to your eyes when you saw the same for him, and you gave him a messy kiss before resuming faster this time.
After months of being called a name that did not belong to you, especially whenever in the bedroom, Lucius was doing everything to remind you that you were yourself again as you felt pleasure.
It felt as if, after two years, ‘Julia’ was finally gone.
You chanted his name as if it was your favorite prayer, burying your hands in his hair and kissing his lips.
“Lucius, Lucius, Lucius…”
Because, just like you, how long had it been since his true name was uttered whilst in the throes of pleasure?
He moaned into your mouth, holding onto you tighter. You squealed when he rose up onto his knees, latching your legs around his waist and only crying out sharply when your throbbing clit ran across his pubic hair.
“Come on, come on,” he urged into your ear. “I know you can give it to me.”
“Lu-Lu-!” You moaned, running your nails over the thick field of muscles that was his back.
He said your name over and over again, until it was one word that was the end of you.
“Please.”
You came with your vision blinded from the state of euphoria you had reached. Lucius still held you above him even as his legs began to quake, bouncing you on his cock. You felt as though you were suspended in air when his groans stammered, and you felt strings of his cum paint the walls of your cunt.
Slowly, he lowered the two of you onto the mattress, laying you on your back like you were the most precious treasure in the world. You kept your legs around his waist, breathing with him with your chests glued together from your sweat.
“Lucius-.” You began, trying to shift under him.
“-Just,” he grunted. “just another moment. Please.”
How could you deny him? Every kiss he gave was loving as he laid upon you. His cock had grown soft, and even you were aware that you could’ve fallen asleep if you weren’t careful.
When he pulled away from you, you let out an involuntary whine.
“I thought you wanted me to get off you?” He kissed your stomach when he stood up.
You shoved him playfully. “Just clean me up and come back.”
“So controlling.”
Still, he did what you asked, bringing a soaked washcloth from the bathroom and cleaning you. You groaned out of both the cold water hitting your hot skin, and the heat from the air itself.
“We should’ve waited until night.” You whined.
“Why?”
“I’m suffocating from the air outside!”
Lucius hummed, tossing the washcloth aside and looming over you. “Then that forces us to wear nothing today, so that we might cool down.”
You nodded. “Perhaps you aren’t as feeble minded as I thought.”
He settled behind you, tossing an arm over your waist and pulling your back to his chest. Even though his cock pressed against you, the two of you were completely exhausted from the heat of the day’s work, and the heat of what took place only moments before.
The only sound was that of the cicadas singing in the summertime. Sometimes, a breeze or two of wind would bounce the curtain off the window, but for the most part, just the even breathing you shared with Lucius was all you could hear.
Lucius’ mustache rubbed your skin when he placed a kiss to your neck. “What’s going on inside of your mind right now?”
You grinned. “A proper wife would say that I was thinking of you.”
“But that’s not what it is.”
“It’s something that has nothing to do with anything of note.”
He squeezed you. “Spit it out, woman.”
Sighing, you felt a sense of dread in your heart; both for your thoughts, and also how your husband would react. So, you tried your best to explain it.
“Do you even wonder how you will be remembered?” You began. “Spoken from mouths? Written in books? Painted on walls? They’ll remember Lucius, the Lost Son, the Last Gladiator…What will they remember of me, if anything? Rome’s Cleopatra? Her Delight? A whore to the twin emperors? I like to fantasize that they will name me the first woman who sat upon the emperor’s throne, even if it was as the last of its consul. Yet, even if they name me…I will be Julia. The name of a slave, the name I only accepted when he would press me into the bed so roughly. I only survived because I would need to tell myself that he was doing all of it to Julia, not to me.”
It felt quieter in that room, even though the sounds outside did not cease. Lucius gently turned your body towards him, and he stroked your face with the back of his hand.
“You’re crying,” he uttered your name, frowning.
You wiped your eyes, wanting to hide from him. Yet, he did not allow it, pulling your hands away from you and wrapping them around his shoulders.
“Would you wish I remain silent, or share with you what is in my head?” He asked.
“Talk to me.” You answered.
“I never cared of what history would see of me.” He stated. “Even as a boy. I know that we are different in most aspects of life, but I believe it serves no one to wonder away how we will be viewed long after we are dead. I do not care if or what a stranger thinks of me in a lifetime later. I care how Atticus and Diana see me. I care what their children think. Above all, I care of what you see me to be.”
You pressed your head against his. “You’re pigheaded and quite foolish sometimes.”
“And it matters you say that.” He pulled you closer. “Because that is what you will tell others when I pass on.”
“You know I don’t think that is all you are.” You remined him.
“I do.” He nodded. “I will know you for your wit, and your protective nature, and your kindness.”
“I never truly thought of myself as kind.” You gave a pained smile.
“That is how I see you.” He kissed your brow. “And what I will say with my last dying breath.”
You wondered how such a man as himself could exist at the same time you did. A man who hated you prior to everything yet laid with you in bed. A man who treated you with a tenderness you never thought possible.
A man who could be the last person on earth with you, and you would only feel at peace.
You did not need to say anything to him. Simply by the innocent smile that spread across your lips, did he know. You fell into the most comfortable of silences together as you laid naked in the summer heat.
The both of you were lost to time as we all shall be one day.
Perhaps you lived on that farm for the rest of your days, or perhaps you moved to a different land.
Perhaps you had ten children, perhaps you had only one, or perhaps you had none and were content with each other’s company.
Perhaps you died before him, perhaps he died before you, or perhaps you both passed onto the Elysian fields together.
All that truly matters, at the end of all things, is the life the two of you led together, and what you and loved ones remembered the most of it.
#gladiator 2#gladiator ii#hanno x reader#lucius x reader#lucius verus x reader#lucius versus x reader#gladiator 2 spoilers#Youtube
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Simeon: You're human, it's clear that you are afraid to do certain dangerous things… Or at least you should be...
Mc: *healing their wound* Are you sure about that?
Simeon: ?
Mc: Are you sure it's not you... No, you, as an angel who is afraid to do things?
Simeon: What are you implying?
Mc: Well, I know that angels look down on humans as unconscious, weak creatures…. Inferiors
Simeon: That's…
Mc: *looking at him fondly* Humans only have this one life, Simeon.
Simeon: …
Mc: We can't even be sure that heaven or hell exists, although I know ironically … Only this life.
Simeon: *looking into their eyes*
Mc: If you were in that situation? Would you prefer to live in a glass box without any danger? Or risk and live, really, live as long as you can?
Simeon: I…
Mc: *totally healed* Do you think humans should be like that because that's how you've been living as an angel?
Simeon: *feeling his chest heaving*
Mc: *smiling* Tell me, would you be willing to go on like this now that you're human?
.
.
.
This doesn't make a lot of sense but I'm thirsty…Give me a deep conversation between Simeon and Mc about mortality, about the human beings, about being human, about angel standards, about angel thoughts about humans, about Simeon's feelings and everything that's in his heart!!!! Please.
I think I'm waiting too much for the new season right? 😂
.
.
#obey me#obey me! shall we date?#obey me shall we date#omswd#om! shall we date#om#om! swd#obey me one master to rule them all#obey me otome#obey me game#obey me angst#obey me thoughts#obey me mc#omswd mc#om! mc#mc obey me#om mc#simeon om!#omswd simeon#simeon obey me#om! simeon#obey me simeon#obey me angels#obey me spoilers#obey me season 4 spoilers
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Doctor's In - Chapter 7
Summary: You struggle to relax as you recover from an injury.
Wanda Maximoff x F!R
This chapter contains some badly written smut
Wanda is enjoying this far more than you. Having you home 24/7 seems like a luxury that won’t last long and she’s relishing every second of it.
You, on the other hand, are acting like a caged lion, restless and always looking for ways to pass time, though options are limited with your healing shoulder and bruised body.
This morning, you opted for a stroll while Wanda worked on some sketches. The woman has to do a double take when she’s on a coffee break, because it’s been 40 minutes since you left. And there’s only so much walking a person can do in this neighbourhood.
The answer lies a few houses down the block. Wanda’s walking and looking for you when she spots you in the porch of Agatha’s home. Mrs. Hart and Dottie are there as well, cups of tea and biscuits in a table.
You’re taking Mrs. Hart blood pressure, while she keeps talking about her latest medical appointment.
“Sweetheart” Wanda calls for you. “I need your help in the kitchen”
“Oh, Wanda, I’m so sorry. Y/N here was just walking by and we got talking. She’s so brave for saving that man’s life” Agatha places her hand in your bicep, slightly hoping it annoys Wanda.
“Yes, she is. But now she needs to rest”
“Ladies” you greet, standing up and sighing as you go down the steps. “Sorry” you mutter to Wanda.
“No need to apologize” she stands on her toes to peck your lips. You smile, taking her hand as you both walk back home.
“Next time you’re around I’ll need a physical exam, Doc” Agatha calls and Wanda is about to turn and tell her off when you pull her.
“Nu-uh. Let’s go” you say, sincerely afraid of Harkness.
Wanda remains silent for the rest of the walk and you think she might be upset. That is, until you close the door behind you and are abruptly pushed against it, Wanda’s hand pulling down on your shirt possesively.
“Do I need to tie you up?”
“I wouldn’t mind”
“That’s not what I meant”
“But, baby…”
“You’re still recovering” she warns, but you can tell she is considering it.
“My mouth is fine” you whine as her lips approach yours. “Please, I have all this pent up energy, and I need some release”
“Is that what you need? Release?”
“Mhm” you nod, your nose bumping against hers.
“Fine” she finally kisses you, and it turns frantic. Wanda starts leading you upstairs, but you shake your head no, going for the couch instead. With the hand that isn’t in the arm sling, you tug at her yoga pants and she slips them down her beautiful legs, panties following suit.
“Come on, here’s your seat” you say, laying down on the couch. Wanda lowers herself, and almost screams when she feels your tongue working quickly around her bundle of nerves.
Without thinking, you suck harder and let your teeth graze her clit, but the feeling of pleasure is so unexpected that Wanda’s legs close around your neck, her knee digging in your bad shoulder.
“Ow, time out” you plead, pain shooting down your arm.
“I’m sorry, I…” Wanda pushes the hair out of her face, looking at you worriedly. “Are you ok? Should we go to the hospital?”
“I’m fine. No need to go and ruin Darcy’s day with the details of our sexcapades, my love”
“You sure?”
“Yes, come here” you ask, and she hesitates, until you pull her down to lie next to you on her couch. Realising she’s naked from the waist down, your hand travels to her ass, looking to squeeze the soft flesh.
“Stop” she warns with her mom voice. “You’re gonna hurt yourself. I thought I broke your neck a second ago”
“What a way to go” you joke, smiling as Wanda laughs against you.
—
Billy writes down in his notebook and you squint your eyes. Fractions are horrible, and how you wish you were helping Tommy with his art project instead.
So, you check the exercise again and sigh.
“I think that’s right, kiddo”
“You sure?”
How bad would it be to say “not at all”? You figure it wouldn’t be wise considering you’re the adult in the room, so you rub your eyes instead.
“I’ll check again after dinner, ok?” you promise, Wanda telling them to go wash their hands.
Going down the stairs, you find your girlfriend in the kitchen. She’s made an effort to cook anything you’re craving, and tonight’s feast is roast beef with potatoes.
“Delicious” you comment, pulling her so she’s pressing against your front.
“Thank you, I think you’ll like it”
“Wasn’t talking about the food” you pull her hair to the side, clearing the path to litter her neck with open mouthed kisses. “I’m not giving up on this even after what happened earlier”
“You mean how I almost broke your neck?”
“Almost being the key word, baby”
The protest dies in her lips as the kids join you in the kitchen. They set the table for the four of you, doing everything they can to keep you from hurting yourself.
Even as Wanda insists on slicing your portion, you drop the armsling, because you’re very picky about the way you cut your meat.
“Childish” she mutters under her breath and you glare, but smile the same.
Dinner is the usual stuff about classes, the upcoming school trip and how Billy thinks you’re so good with fractions.
They’re in the process of getting ready for bed when you Google the answers to the math exercises, and you’re only wrong twice.
Oh, well.
Once the kids are tucked in, you go back downstairs to clean up, Wanda following suit.
“Please let me”
“Come on, I gotta do something around the house”
“You already helped with Billy’s homework”
“Oh, that. I can’t wait for them to start doing square roots so I’m banging my head against the table”
Wanda laughs at that, settling on the countertop as you wash dishes.
“Yeah, I guess you missed the time where homework was easy. Like coloring, or learning vowels”
“Sounds better than fractions” you recognise.
“Don’t be long” Wanda asks, kissing your cheek and going upstairs.
Your shoulders drop a little, and you eye the armsling, but you’re tired of it and feel like it does more harm than good. Leaving it downstairs, you walk up to find your girlfriend preparing a bath.
“Might help relax” she says, and truthfully, you do feel a lot better when she’s taking off your clothes, hands delicately going over your skin. As she walks behind you to place a small kiss in your shoulder blade, her hands stops in a spot you’re always trying to hide.
“What happened to you?”
“Car accident” you say, not in the mood to delve deeper. Turning in her embrace, you unbutton her shirt, kissing down the valley of her breasts. Next are her pants, and you look up with a smile, helping her step out of them.
You sit in the bathtub, letting Wanda rest between your legs. Your hand goes up and down her arm, but your mind is elsewhere.
Especifically, in the pain that hasn’t stopped.
What if it’s something serious? What if you need surgery? And can’t do your job ever again?
It’s all you have, it’s who you are. You don’t know yourself outside of an OR, outside of grueling shifts and hospital walls.
“Can I ask you something?” Wanda interrupts your spiraling thoughts.
“I do think you’re the most beautiful woman on the planet” you say, kissing the spot between her neck and shoulder.
“No, it’s… uh” she hesitates, looking at her hands. “Did you ever think about having children of your own?”
“Oh” you say, frowning. “I don’t know, honestly. I guess all I ever figured out was what I wanted to be, you know? And it’s so demanding that I never thought I’d be a good mother”
“I just… talking about those early years. I love my kids but I don’t know if I’d do it again, start over with a new baby”
“I’m not holding my breath for that, sweetheart” you promise, kissing her temple. “And I’m a workaholic so it wouldn’t be fair to put you through it so you’re alone for a big part of the time”
“Are you sure? If it’s something you want, I can…” she turns around in your embrace, the water splasing a little. “I can try, maybe it’ll be nice”
“I love the way things are” you promise her, looking distractedly at her breasts. “Especially right now. Can you sit closer so I can pay attention to those two?”
“You’re incorrigible” she laughs, her hands going around your neck.
“And yet, you love it”
—
It was hard to sleep with the shooting pain down your arm, but you refused to take anything for it.
By the time you got some rest it was almost 4 AM, so you completely missed breakfast and driving the kids to school.
Probably for the best, since you’re in a foul mood.
“Hey, I have a meeting with Laura. Wanna come with?” Wanda says when you walk downstairs, changed into jeans and a t-shirt.
“Can you drop me off at the hospital?”
“Sweetheart, I know it’s driving you insane but you can’t go to work right now”
“It’s not… that” you say, struggling with your words. You’re so used to solving everything on your own, it’s hard to share that you have any discomfort.
When you were younger, it added to your mother’s stress because she had other things to deal with, so it only made everything worse at home.
“Are you ok?” Wanda asks softly, finally noticing the bags under your eyes.
“I’m just in pain and would like to check everything’s fine”
“Why didn’t you tell me? We should have gone to the hospital as soon as…”
“Wands” you say, overwhelmed at how much she cares. You pull her close, kissing her softly, and she melts against your lips. “It’s nothing serious, promise”
“Ok. Let’s get going, then”
She insists on going with you, but the meeting with Laura is happening, so you just convince her to pick you up as soon as it’s over.
Greeting the people at the front desk, you walk to the staff area, looking for any familiar faces. It’s empty, so the next place is the ER. The sound and rustling make you nostalgic, and there’s gotta be something really wrong with you, because it’s been five days only.
“Can I help you?” Darcy says behind you.
“Looking for a leprechaun”
“I have not missed you” she remarks, and you wanna say something back, but then you notice your ER board.
“Uh, what the hell did you do to my board?”
“It’s color coded!”
“This is an ER! Not arts and crafts, Lewis” you say, feeling like your heart is breaking at the sight.
“Fury likes it”
“Fury can go to… oh, hello, sir” you say, and he glares at you.
“You’re supposed to be resting”
“I have some pain… wanted to check with Carol if everything’s ok”
“Danvers is in the middle of surgery. Will be an hour or so before she’s free” he explains. “How bad is it?”
“A four, maybe” you lie, and he still looks concerned, because in all the years you’ve worked here, you never get sick or complain if you have anything bothering you.
“Get a CT, I’ll go tell her you’re here” he instructs, patting your good shoulder.
Darcy walks with you to get the CT, and once you’re done you both go to the cafeteria.
“Hey, you didn’t bring any cookies” Darcy complains as you pick up a muffin.
“Wasn’t planning on stopping by”
“How’s domestic life? You ready to retire?”
“It’s fine” you say with a smile, but as always, she can see through the bullshit.
“You look miserable. So, you’re either in a lot of pain or there’s something else”
“I just… feel bad that I don’t know how to rest. You know? I’m a workaholic, and Wanda knows it, but it used to be nice to get breaks and spend time with her and the kids. And now, I should just be relaxing and enjoying this time off but I’m so restless. And I wonder if I’m good for them. If I’ll enjoy going on holidays and spending a few days without work or I’ll promise to be there for something and then let work get in the way”
“Ok, first of all. Every surgeon is a workaholic, you know it. This was the only way we could survive and get as far as we did. But you’re acting as if you’re on an indefinite break. Your CT looks fine. In a week you’ll be back”
“Right. It was just so unexpected…”
“You’ve been working less, haven’t you? Spending more time with Wanda and her kids. That’s a major change. So don’t worry about still loving your job and wanting to do it. It’s who you are. And if Wanda loves you she’ll understand”
"Well, good thing she seems to be done having kids, too” you scratch your neck, thinking about last night’s conversation.
“I thought you wanted kids” your friend frowns.
“I never made up my mind… but if she says she’s done, it’s done”
“Interesting…” Darcy holds her chin, examining you. “I do remember you having baby fever when you did your Peeds rounds”
“Ages ago” you insist, smiling. You were good and you almost decided to focus in that area. But Trauma was always where your passion was.
Darcy’s pager beeps and you look at her with some jealousy, wishing you had somewhere to be.
“Gotta go. Danvers should be done soon. Chill, watch some tv, you’ll be back in no time”
“Thanks, mate. And I know, I’ll ask Wanda for some cookies”
You look around the cafeteria, and then wander the hallways. There are a few people in the ER, sitting and waiting for someone to call their names. Without knowing a thing about Darcy’s system, you pick up a file and say a name out loud.
The little guilt you feel at working when you’re clearly not supposed to is quickly forgotten as you help several people, looking at their X-Rays and writing prescriptions, the armsling tossed away.
That is, until you hear someone calling you across the room.
“Y/N Y/L/N” Wanda hisses. “What do you think you’re doing?”
You squeal, hiding behind a curtain. She pulls it and grabs the file from your hands.
“Did Doctor Danvers see you yet?
“She was in surgery and I was bored!” you complain like a little child.
“We’re finding her and then going home”
Doing all but pulling you by the ear, Wanda drags you around the front desk and asks for Carol, the nurses hiding a smile as you remain in the background, silent.
They tell Wanda that Carol will be in a few minutes, and you wait in one of the examination rooms, you sitting in the bed dangling your feet while Wanda answers an email from Laura.
“How did the meeting go?” you try to make ammends.
“Fine”
“Mmm” you nod, thinking it might be better to drop it.
It only gets worse when Carol walks in, thinking you’re the only one in the room.
“How’s it going, Princess?”
Wanda clears her throat, glaring at the blonde and you want to crawl in a hole and die. Not this again.
“Hey, Wanda. Didn’t see you there” she starts speaking in a rush. “What’s the matter? CT looks fine. Except for that horrible surgery they did on you”
“It was twenty years ago, Danvers” you roll your eyes, avoiding Wanda’s inquisitive stare.
“Ok, take your shirt off. O-or not, don’t” she says when Wanda glares.
“Make up your damn mind” you complain, oblivious to everything.
Wanda stands up, looking you in the eye. She smiles, taking your shirt in her hands and pulling it up. Might as well fucked you right then and there, with the way she looks at you.
Maybe it’s not so bad that she’s jealous of Carol.
“There” she says, and all you can do is focus on her lips. She stands back, sitting on the couch and waiting for Carol to examine you.
“The pain has been recurring, right? What changed?”
“It’s more persistent and intense”
“Have you been taking painkillers? Anything else?”
“Nothing, Doc”
Carol sighs.
“We really are the worst patients” she grumbles. “You have nerve damage, we knew that already. The armsling might be making it worse. Use this instead”
She passes a brace that supports your shoulder and allows you to move freely.
“Wooho, this one is way cooler!”
“Wanda, can you make sure she takes these meds? It will help with the swelling” Carol turns to you. “If you rest properly, you can go back to work in ten days”
“Ten days? I want a second opinion”
“A second opinion would be to try surgery and fix that nerve” she says, knowing Stark would agree.
“Fine. Meds and rest” you grumble, putting on the brace.
“One last thing” Carol says and you’re about to ask what is it when she blind sides you, inyecting something on your muscle.
“That’s low even for you” you complain, feeling the burn.
“That will relax you for a few hours, pal”
“Mmm. Thanks, Carol”
“Anytime. Bye, Wanda”
Your girlfriend thanks her, taking your hand and walking you to the exit, hoping you’ll finally get some rest.
“Who did this?” Darcy fumes from the ER and you rush, dragging Wanda.
“Run, now”
For the second time in the day, someone calls you by your full name, this time sounding less forgiving.
“You messed up the system!” Darcy says, watching you run like a coward. “You’re dead to me”
Wanda laughs at that, and you smile, hoping her mood has improved ever since she caught you working.
“Want anything special for lunch?” Wanda asks as she drives back home and you can’t really think of anything.
“Cuddles and a nap with my beautiful girlfriend” you say, feeling the medicine relaxing you. “Damn it, Carol probably gave me a horse tranquilizer”
“That’s what you get for being so stubborn”
“I am not stubborn” you insist, proving her point.
By the time you’re home, your feet feel heavy. Wanda almost has to carry you to the bedroom, where you plop down.
You feel her taking off your shoes and you honestly try to sit up and help, but Carol really outdid herself with whatever it is she gave you.
Lucky she’s a doctor and not a dealer.
“Wands” you mutter.
“Shh, I’m here. Get some rest”
—
Your mouth feels dry, limbs heavy. Like a hangover, but without the fun part.
“M’gonna kill Carol” you sigh, rubbing your eyes. Wanda’s laugh by your side makes you turn and you smile. “Hey, gorgeous”
“Feeling relaxed?”
“Very. I’m just thirsty”
As if she was a mind reader, Wanda nods towards the nighstand next to your side of the bed, where a glass of water is waiting for you.
“You’re so perfect” you say once you gulp it down, breathing and stretching. “Where are the kids?”
“Soccer practice.”
“Oh, sorry about falling asleep. We could have been watching a movie or something” you try to sit up, but Wanda pulls you down, scooting closer to you.
“I just want you to rest”
“I’m not gonna break if I do other stuff”
She doesn’t answer and you lie down, looking at her.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m sorry” is all she says and you frown. “For everything that happened with Steve”
“You already apologized. It’s in the past”
“I just want to give you everything, and take care of you. I wish I knew how to make you feel better when you’re in pain”
“You’ve been cooking and helping me do everything for the past week, love”
“Anyone could do that”
“No, you’re the only person who could make it all better by just being here” you say, your hand moving the hair out of her eyes. “I’m damn lucky to have you on my side, Wands”
“I… can I ask about the accident? I feel like I know bits and pieces. Though if it’s too painful”
“I was with my Dad” you say, sighing. “Someone else ran a red light and crashed into us. He didn’t make it. It’s just… there’s no point in dwelling on it. It happened, and no amount of grieving can change it. So I don’t”
“Ok”
“I’m not the best person to be with” you admit. “I’m very much addicted to my job, I don’t have a family that is worth talking about. It’s just me, and whatever happens that day in the ER. Maybe that’s why I struggle with being away from the job. There’s nothing else besides that”
“It’s not just you, not anymore. You have us” Wanda promises, kissing your hand. You smile, nodding.
“I know. I love you”
“Love you too.”
—
You finally found some things to do. Wanda would give you drafts to read, surprised at how good your literary insights were.
“Laura might have competition” she joked once.
As for other forms of entertainment, you were currently picking up on your Project Runway obsession even though you were just rewatching season 8, arguably one of the most dramatic ones.
The arm was a lot better and the pain subsided, which was great news. On the other hand, Carol would never shut up about being the best Ortho surgeon in the whole country.
Still, there was one thing you were hoping to do, taking advantage of all the hours you had alone with Wanda.
Thinking it would be better to just catch her off guard, you were in bed, reading another one of her drafts when she came by the room, stretchig her back.
“Tired, my love?” you say with a sympathetic smile.
“A tiny bit. I was thinking we could get pizza tonight? I’m not in the mood for cooking”
“I’m paying for it”
“You’re paying for groceries and everything else these days” she protests.
“What can I tell you? I like to spoil my girl”
Wanda blushes at that, straddling your lap and leanig down to kiss you. You smile, eager to feel her lips on yours, but also, anticipating her reaction as she feels what’s hidden in your pants.
The way she gasps against your mouth sends a shiver down your spine.
“What are you…?”
Your good arm wraps around her waist, making her rub against the strap on.
“A surprise for you” you say, your nose against her neck, leaving open mouthed kisses. “Unless you don’t want to try it. We can just forget about it”
“No, I- but your arm”
“Well, you could be a good girl and ride my dick” you half joke, not expecting the words to have such an impact on her. Before you can react, she’s reaching down between your bodies.
“I wanna see you” she asks, out of breath. You let her pull your pants down, revealing the harness briefs you’re wearing and the plastic cock attached to them.
“What do you think?” you say, one of your thumbs traveling to her mouth, and she eagerly accepts the intrusion, sucking on your finger. She bites it as you pull out, pupils dilated.
Operating on her desires, Wanda moves down your body, until she’s eye level with the strap. Even though you can’t feel it, the sight of her tongue darting out to lick the tip makes your hips buck, pushing inside without a warning.
But she’s a good girl, and takes it all with enthusiasm, her hands on your hips as you fuck her mouth. The friction against your clit makes your breath quicken, and aware that Wanda’s gagging, you stop moving, pulling her away by the hair.
“Show me how good you can take it, baby” you say, smiling. Wanda doesn’t waste any time, discarding her own pants and placing both hands on the side of your face.
You move your hips up a couple of times, teasing her entrance, until you pull her hips down, and you have to look down, admiring the way her hole swallows every inch, Wanda’s face contorted by pleasure.
Once you bottom out, you give her a few seconds to adjust, and only move when she rocks forward, moaning at the way it feels to be so full.
“Look at you, made to take my cock. Fits so fucking perfectly inside that tight cunt” you taunt, squeezing her neck.
Wanda clenches as you choke her, overwhelmed by all the pleasure she’s feeling.
“Come on, fuck yourself on my dick” you challenge, and she begins moving, slow at first, and then faster, her hips finding a rhytm as you let go of her neck, hand going down to pinch her nipples.
The touch catches her off guard, and she somehow changes positions in your lap, the strap going deeper and hitting just the right spot.
“Oh, God…” she mutters, losing herself in the feeling of being full, riding you as your hands roam around every inch of her beautiful body. “I’m close, please”
“Please, what?”
“Please, make me come” she stutters, her hips moving erratically as she approaches her climax. You let your hand travel down, and as you play with Wanda’s clit, the woman lets out a moan, juices spilling down her legs and between your bodies.
Wanda collapses on top of you, breathing heavily. You wait until she calms down to pull out, trying to do it without hurting her.
“Stay inside” she pleads, and the desperation in her words makes you want to fuck her again.
“You did so good, baby” you smile against her temple. “Just relax, I got you”
—-
You had created a horny, hot, insatiable being.
Whenever you were alone in the house, you were usually packing because Wanda would just barge into the room, kiss you like she was running out of time, and then would just push her underwear aside, moaning and panting until she was satisfied. She went at it two or three times each day, even at night though you had to be quiet to not wake up the twins.
How you loved being used for her pleasure, and watch as she was all disheveled when she came, breathing against your neck and repeating how much she loved you and how much she needed you.
Once, you are almost caught by Agatha. This time, you initiate it, approaching Wanda as she makes lunch in the kitchen. Your arm snakes around her middle, hand going up and down until you pinch her nipple through the fabric of her t-shirt. When Wanda arches her back, her ass rubs against the strap, and she moans, allowing you to take her from behind.
“Look at you, taking me so fucking well” you say, spanking her. She moans against her arm, enjoying the new angle and the way your hands grab handfuls of her ass, the soft flesh turning red.
In that precise moment, there’s a knock at the door. You turn at the same time, and while Wanda seems to be trying to gather her thoughts, you keep pushing inside of her.
“Wanda, are you home?” Agatha says.
“Go on, answer her. Tell her you’re getting fucked from behind, baby” you taunt, determined to make her come.
“If she sees us…”
“Better hurry then” you mutter, hips moving faster until you feel Wanda’s legs shake, hand over her mouth to keep her from screaming.
You pull out, and force Wanda on her knees. She can’t stand up, as Agatha looks through the window, waving at you. The lower half of your body is hidden by the countertop.
“Do you have any eggs I can borrow?”
“We’re out of those” you lie, moving your hips forward until Wanda gets the hint and licks the strap clean. “I’m going to the store later today, I’ll get some extra for you”
“You’re such a dear. Is Wanda working?”
“Oh, yes. She’s hard at work” you say, smiling.
“If you ever feel lonely, come by and visit me, dear” the woman winks, turning to leave. You keep Wanda in place, fucking her mouth until the pressure on your clit makes you get some release.
“I’m not done with you” you say, pulling her up. “It’s a damn shame you couldn’t be as loud as you wanted before”
Wanda looks confused, or maybe it’s the orgasm she just had. Either way, you guide her upstairs, and she quickly gets on all fours, ass up in the air again.
“Better be screaming my name when I’m done with you”
Of course she did. And you’re pretty sure those screams could be heard all the way to Agatha’s house.
—
“I’m gonna be late for work” you say, not really caring. Wanda’s on your lap, grinding against you. There’s nothing under your scrubs today, because, well, it would be awkward to work while packing all day.
Who knew you’d end up wanting more free time, and all because Wanda can’t go five minutes without getting fucked.
“I’m gonna miss you” she whines, biting down on your earlobe and you moan.
“Baby, you’re not playing fair”
Maybe calling in sick won’t be such a bad idea. Your colleagues will understand. It’s not like they’ve been covering for you for two weeks.
Right.
“I have to go” you sigh against her lips, searching her eyes. You hope she can understand.
“I know, I’m sorry”
Wanda smiles and the way she runs her hands down your cheeks melts your heart.
“I love you. Thank you for helping me heal these past weeks. And I’m sorry for being so difficult at times, my love. I’ll make it up to you”
“I love you too” she smiles, leaning her forehead against yours.
With that, you get ready to drive to the hospital. You’re still wearing the brace Carol gave you, more as a precaution. Wanda also gives you a whole batch of cookies and you suspect Darcy will steal most of it.
You say goodbye at the front door, promising to call her when you have time.
“Welcome back, doctor Y/L/N”
Kate Bishop is the first to greet you, waiting in the ER.
“Thank you, Kate. Did I miss anything big these past few days?”
While you go over some files, she makes the rounds on patients that have been here for the past days and are getting discharged soon.
You go back to the ER to review paperwork and she sticks around, which seems weird.
“Shouldn’t you be around the halls to see if you can scrub in on something?”
“Uh…”
“Look, if they told you to babysit me, don’t worry about it. I can handle this alone”
“That’s not… remember how I hadn’t made up my mind about a specialty? Well, I did. I want to be a Trauma surgeon” she smiles, hoping you’re happy about it.
“Wow! Congrats, Bishop” you can’t help but bring her in for a hug. “Everyone else had their student, but me”
“Well, you have yours now. I can’t wait to learn, Sir. Ma’am. Doctor” Kate stumbles with her words and you pat her back.
That very second, two people walk in, screaming something about their Halloween decoration and a freak accident.
“Let the lessons begin, kid”
And so, you spend the better part of the shift stabilizing a patient and working with Stark to stop a brain bleeding from a falling pumpkin.
“It’s that time of year again” he says, and you sigh.
“What is?” Peter looks around the table.
“You wouldn’t believe the amount of freak accidents when holidays are around” Stark says. “Well, Dr. Y/L/N knows better than me, she’s the one treating everything”
“Cuts while carving pumpkins, blazing Jack-O-Lanterns, food allergies for kids”
“Tripping with their too long ghost costumes” Stark adds. “Learn that the hard way with Morgan”
“Gotta warn Wanda about that” you grimace.
“Ah, yes, the missus” Stark says, and you can’t see a lot of his face but you can tell by his tone that he is ready to tease you.
“Careful, Doctor Stark”
“I’m just saying, everyone thinks it’s cute. Morgan loves her and their art lessons too. Plus, it’s nice to see a doctor dating someone outside of the hospital. I’m so done with all the hook ups, it’s nearly impossible to find an on call room to rest”
“You own the hospital, can’t you do something about the rooms?”
“Not without causing a meltdown for HR” he says and you both chuckle.
“It is nice to be with someone who thinks you’re crazy for wanting to be working for two straight days. Gives you perspective”
“Precisely” Stark agrees. “Well, Peter can close him up”
“Meet you back at the ER, doctor Bishop”
You nod, going to the scrub room to wash your hands.
“Carol told me about your little nerve thing”
“Of course she did”
“There’s a great chance for the procedure to work, it’s also non invasive. Recovery time is…”
“I’ll think about it. But it hasn’t been bothering me anymore. Maybe it was just the shoulder injury”
“Yeah, maybe. But you know how it is. Wouldn’t you want to be completely sure you’ll be fine holding your baby one day?”
“Wanda is done having kids so that’s not a particular concern of mine” you say in an even tone.
“Really? With the way she looks at you, it almost seems like she wants you to knock her up”
“Tony” you elbow him, and he cackles.
“Just saying. Your kids would be cute”
“Are you having baby fever and trying to drag me with you?” you raise an eyebrow.
“Maybe” he winks as you leave the scrub room.
Still, the conversation leaves you thinking about Wanda and as soon as you’re out of the OR you call her.
“You’re on speaker, my love” she says, making you smile.
You can hear Billy and Tommy rushing to her side, speaking over each other.
“Woah, woah, one at a time”
“I got an A in my Science paper!”
“I scored a goal in practice”
“Way to go, kiddos. Can’t wait to hear all about it”
“We miss you” Tommy says, which makes you strangely emotional.
You never had someone say that to you.
“Miss you too” you admit.
“Go wash your hands, say bye to Y/N” Wanda waits a little and then talks to you again. “You’re still on speaker because I’m finishing dinner”
“No dirty talk, got it” you chuckle.
“How’s the day so far?”
“Oh, we had a freak accident with Halloween decoration which reminds me, don’t put anything until I’m there to help?”
“Ok, I won’t” she agrees.
“And Kate, you remember her? She’s a resident and today she told me she wants to be a Trauma surgeon so I guess I am officially her teacher”
“Congratulations, she got the best one”
“Yeah, it’s just a lot of responsibility, I guess” you chew on your lip, thinking about everything you’ll have to teach her. It’s not just the medical side, it’s about handling the stress and the pressure of helping people in the worst situations.
“I’m sure you’ll do great” Wanda says, knowing your sudden silence means you are overthinking. “Is the shoulder ok? Promise me you’ll eat something and get some rest”
Your pager interrupts the moment and Wanda groans.
“I’m afraid I can’t keep that promise, love of my life. Will talk to you later”
“Love you”
“Love you too”
Kate meets you in the ER and you’re suddenly dealing with a car accident and four patients, two of them children.
“Page Maria and Carol, this is gonna be a long night”
“And my shift is just starting” Darcy says behind you and you turn, excited to see your best friend.
“Missed me?”
“Not a bit”
But you know she’s full of it. You scrub in together, and she updates you on all the gossip you missed, using codenames no one else knows about.
“Did you hear Doctor Bishop is my new apprentice?” you say when you let her close the patient.
“Congrats, you finally got a minion”
“Wanna get one for you?”
“Ugh, no, you gotta water them twice a week and it’s too much trouble. I’m fine just being an attending” she rolls her eyes.
You’re about to go on a lecture about the importance of teaching and mentoring when Kate curses, and the patient begins to crash.
“Move” you say, stepping in to check what’s wrong.
“See?” Darcy says.
Though Kate didn’t do anything wrong, you ended up an hour more in the OR to make sure everything was ok.
When you’re done it’s close to dawn and you’re exhausted. Darcy finds an empty room and you plop down in one of the beds, sighing. It’s too early to call Wanda. You remove the brace to rest your shoulder.
“Do you think people ever considered we were hooking up?” you ask your friend, remembering the conversation with Stark. It’s just a funny thought, but Darcy let’s out a groan.
“Ugh, I hope not”
“Excuse me?” you sit up. “It sounds like you’re offended by the idea”
“You’re just not my type”
“So hot and successful is not your type?”
“You’re too tall!” she shouts.
“You’re too small!” you say, turning around so she only sees your back. “Garden gnome”
“Big foot” she whispers and you both laugh.
—
“Wanda, baby” you moan, kissing the… pillow?
Your pager wakes you up, and you look around the room, confused.
“I’m trying to sleep” Darcy complains.
“So was I” you say, checking your phone. It’s nothing related to the ER, so you go to the room where you’re called to.
“How can I help...” you walk into the room, and are surprised to see Wanda sitting in the bed. “Baby, hey! Wait, are you ok? Did you hurt yourself?”
“I’m fine” she says, appreciating your concern. Still, you check every inch of her body, hands holding her face gently. “I drove Agatha here”
“Why?” you frown.
“She cut herself while carving out a pumpkin”
“Halloween is always like this. I hate it” you mumble, and Wanda laughs.
“Don’t be such a party pooper. What’s wrong with dressing up and getting candy?”
“Trust me, spend a night in the ER with people who thought it would be a good idea to bring a real chainsaw to a party and you’ll agree with me”
“Well, I’ll have to change your mind about it” Wanda bites her lip, pulling you closer. “Maybe wear something real nice to cheer you up”
“I’m listening” you say, moaning against her mouth when she finally closes the distance. God, you forgot how good it feels to have her in your arms. “I should go check on Agatha”
“Your little student is taking care of her. Plus, I have a few symptoms of my own I’d like to ask about”
“Ok, what is it?”
“I have heart palpitations… and something like a flutter in my stomach. It’s hard to focus sometimes, too”
“When does this happen?” you play along, smiling as Wanda pulls you in between her legs.
“When I'm thinking about my girlfriend fucking me real hard”
“Babe” you sigh against her lips.
“Nu-uh. You’re working” she smiles, happy to see you so worked up.
“Mean”
Wanda laughs against your temple, her hands running up and down your arms.
“When does your shift end?”
“Tomorrow morning. Which would give me enough time to get ready for Laura’s party”
“You remembered” Wanda says, shocked.
“Well, yeah”
“I told you a month ago”
“And I wrote it down so I didn’t forget. You told me it was important for me to be there” you smile, unaware of the impact a little gesture like that could have in Wanda.
“I changed my mind, I need you to fuck me here”
You open and close your mouth a few times, looking at the door and then at Wanda. Yeah, you’d be crazy to let that chance slip.
Undoing the butto of her jeans, your hand moves as much as possible in the confined space, rubbing her clit through her underwear until Wanda is panting against your ear.
The woman finishes with a groan that you muffle with your lips, worried someone might come in.
Still, when you both leave the room, a bit disheveled and blushing, Stark glares and you wink.
“At least it’s not an on call room, Tony”
Wanda follows you to the ER, where Kate is finishing with Agatha’s stitches.
“Took your sweet time, Wanda” Agatha says, and you try to hide your smile.
“Sorry, that was my fault. But I’m here now and I’ll make sure everything is fine. Nice work, Doctor Bishop. Mrs. Harkness is a vital member of our community”
“Oh, darling, aren’t you a dear?” Agatha laughs, patting your arm. “Careful, Wanda, I might steal her from you”
You’re pretty sure Wanda’s response is not gonna be a nice one, but then you’re interrupted by the forensic that works at the morgue.
“Yo, Y/L/N. Can I get your name here?” Rio asks, her tone even and deadpan expression making her look bored, as usual.
“Sure, Death. There ya go”
Rio looks at Agatha for a second too long and then smiles to herself.
“I love to play with knives too” the brunette says, winking at your neighbour.
Wanda and you share a look, as if you’re wondering if Rio is the answer to all your problems.
“Who was that?” Agatha says, enthranced.
“Rio Vidal. We call her Death because she’s at the morgue, doing autopsies. Seems like she likes you”
“Could I… can you give her my phone number?”
“Oh, yeah. I’ll go straight to the morgue and make sure she has it, Agatha” you promise.
Once Kate finishes with closing the wound, Agatha tells Wanda they better go, so you’re free to find Rio.
“See you in 24 hours, my beautiful girlfriend” you promise, kissing Wanda.
“Lovebirds, wrap it up. Vámonos”
“Ugh” Wanda rolls her eyes. Maybe she liked Agatha better when she pretended to be nice to you to upset her.
“Smile, darling. Let’s hope Rio keeps her busy for the next few weeks”
“Or centuries” Wanda jokes and you laugh, kissing her softly.
—
A 48 hour shift when you just got back to work was not your best idea. As you park in your driveway, you text Wanda to let her know you’ll shower and rest a bit before you leave at noon.
You almost fall asleep standing in the shower, but snap out of it and clean yourself up so you can get a nap.
Once you wake up, it’s a little before noon so you get some time to change into pants, a t-shirt and sneakers.
“Well, hello there” you admire Wanda’s figure in a sundress. “Am I underdressed?”
“It’s a barbecue, baby, you’re fine” she smiles, pulling you inside and cornering you against the door. “Missed you”
“Missed you too” you sigh against her lips.
“Mom, have you seen my shoes?” Tommy says from upstairs and you laugh.
It takes the twins a couple more minutes to get ready, but once they go down and see you, they’re both buzzing with excitement.
The whole car ride is spent asking them questions about their day. As soon as you park, though, they are out the door, eager to greet Cooper and Lila.
You carry the pie Wanda made and put it on a table full of food.
“Wow, it’s kinda nice to live outside the city” you say admiring the entire property. Wanda had told you they lived in a farm, but you thought it was a figure of speech. “Maybe we need to get something like this, babe”
“Wanda, glad you could make it. You must be Y/N” a brunette approaches you, and you squeeze her hand.
“Nice you meet you, Laura”
“I hear you already know my husband”
“Yeah, we’ve had our share of work stuff” you nod, hand going to your shoulder.
As if on cue, Clint shows up holding a baby that is getting restless.
“Sweetheart, did you feed Nathaniel? Oh, hey Wanda. Y/N”
“I just fed him. Can you take care of him for a bit? I gotta make the mashed potatoes”
“Why don’t I…” you suggest when the baby starts crying. His eyes widen at the shift and then stares at you. Holding your breath, you expect him to begin hollering but he just laughs, curious about your hair. “There we go”
“Oh, wow. Wanda, you should have mentioned this sooner” Laura says, amazed at how Nathaniel seems to be so at ease with you.
“Come on, little prince. Let’s walk around the party for a bit. Say bye to Mom and Dad”
“I’ll catch you later, gotta help Laura for a bit” Wanda says, finding it hard to look away from you.
“Ok, darling” you say, balancing Nathaniel in your arms.
You walk around the Barton’s property, waving at the twins and their friends. Nathaniel bounces around in your arms, wanting to play with his siblings.
“What are you up to, kiddos?”
“We’re gonna play hide and seek. Wanna join us?” Billy says.
“Gotta look out for Nathaniel, but enjoy”
Across the field, some of Clint’s friends are playing soccer. Nathaniel seems interested in the ball, so you stand on the edge and let him follow it with his eyes. At one point, one of the guys throws it your way by accident and you’re able to stop it with your foot, without dropping Nathaniel.
There’s a chorus of whistles and one of the man approaches.
“Hey, you must be the cutest babysitter I’ve seen”
“I’m a guest of Clint and Laura” you say, ignoring his advances. “And you are a hazard to babies. Goodbye”
Wanda is following your every move from the kitchen, and she’s reluctant to admit that the image of you holding a baby so confidently is doing things to her.
“There are kids present” Laura teases and she laughs.
“Is it that obvious?”
“Can’t say that I blame you. She looks good with a baby”
“Yeah, but… I don’t know, we talked about it and she seemed to be indifferent to the idea. Or maybe it was because I tried to brush it off” Wanda sighs, cutting up more fruit. Truth is, she did wonder what it would be like, to have a partner that was with her every step of the way.
She loved her boys, but she had done everything on her own. Sometimes Pietro and her parents would help, but she didn’t have a spouse that would be her companion in every sense of the word.
“Well, I don’t think she’s completely convinced about it either” Laura points your way, and you’re making Nathaniel giggle with silly faces.
“Diaper change” you announce a moment later; walking to the living room. “I can do it”
“Thanks, you’re a sweetheart” Laura says, pointing at the diapers and wipes. Wanda takes a break from the cooking, to check if you need any help.
To her surprise, you’re changing the diaper expertly. In one swift motion, it’s all done and cleaned. Your girlfriend joins in, talking to Nathaniel while her hand runs up and down your back.
“We’re missing a player, wanna join us?” Clint calls from the door. Wanda takes Nathaniel from your arms, and you kiss her cheek.
When you walk to the field, the same man that spoke to you before approaches.
“Hey, we got off on the wrong foot. I’m Sam Wilson” you arch an eyebrow, staying silent. “Come on, can I at least get your name?”
“I’m Y/N”
“Ok, Y/N. Why don’t we make it interesting? If I score a goal, I can ask you something about yourself”
“Well, what do I get if I score?” you say, smiling.
“Whatever you want, gorgeous”
You look around the field, spotting Lila playing with some nail polish.
“Lila gets to do your nails”
“Alright. Let’s go”
It’s funny, how Sam and his team think they have to go easy on you. It takes them two goals to catch up and realise they’re not letting you win.
You’re making them lose big time.
Throwing some turns and dribbles, you make Sam lose his footing, jumping over him to kick the ball one last time and score another goal.
“That’s three versus zero, Sam” you pat his back.
“One last shot” he says. You roll your eyes, too tired to argue with him. This time, you run around with the ball but do a simple kick that he can intercept.
“Yes. Goal!” he stops mid dance to turn to you. “My question is, do you have a boyfriend?”
“Nope” you answer, smiling as you can see Wanda approaching you. She walks past Sam, jumping into your arms and putting her legs around your waist. She kisses you, groaning against your mouth when you bite her bottom lip.
“She does, however, have a girlfriend” Wanda says, getting down. “Food’s ready”
“I’m starving” you say, letting Wanda pull you to the table, leaving Sam behind, confused and exhausted.
—
It was a wonderful party. There was plenty of food, playing and cleaning to do. In the end, the twins wanted to stay over to play with the Barton children.
Laura said it would be no trouble, and you voluntereed to pick them all up the next day to go to the movies or anything else.
“Had the best time today” you say, stretching in Wanda’s bed. She stays silent for a second and you sit up. “Everything ok?”
“Yeah, I’m just…” she interrupts her beauty routine to turn and look at you. “Would it be a mistake to tell you that maybe, I still want to have another baby?”
“Am I that irresistible holding a toddler?” you wiggle your eyebrows and Wanda let’s out a laugh, relieved that you’re not freaked out by what she just said. You stand up, kneeling in front of her. “I think having a little baby girl that looks like you would be the best thing ever. I also know having a kid involves a lot of changes and planning. But I can’t think of anyone better to do it with”
“So… why don’t we just leave that door open?” Wanda says, looking at her lap where your hands are clasped together. “For now”
“Yes, my love” you nod, kissing the tip of her nose. You’re about to stand up when she pulls you down by your shirt, this time in a rougher kiss.
“I got us something” she says, breathing heavily.
“Oh?”
“We don’t have to use it if you don’t want to”
“Now I really need to know what it is, Wanda” you say, the exhaustion of the past days leaving your body at the idea of having sex with your girlfriend.
“Get in bed and close your eyes”
You nod, excitedly waiting for her to reveal what she got. You hear her drawer open and close, and your heart beats faster.
“Ok” she says, and as you open your eyes you don’t notice anything different, until you look at her hand.
“Oh” you pick up the strap, arching an eyebrow.
“It’s a…”
“I know what it is” you say with a smile, checking that it is indeed hollow. Out of curiosity, you squeeze it and a stream of lube shoots out of the tip. “Shit. Sorry, love. I’ll last longer next time”
“You’re an idiot” she laughs, hiding her face in her hands.
“So, wanna try it?”
“I do, yeah… uh, it’s a fantasy of mine to feel you, as if, finishing inside. I mean, I know it’s just something different but… yeah” she turns red, looking between you and the strap.
“No need to feel ashamed, my darling. I like to be tied up, if you want us to share some kinks”
“That would be amazing” she says, a little out of breath. “But if we do all of that, I might not survive, so, just one thing at a time?”
“Of course” you smile, placing the strap on the nighstand. “Come here”
You let Wanda sit on your lap, and you begin to kiss her, taking your time and alternating between running your tongue down her lip and letting it explore the inside of her mouth.
“This toy is a bit bigger than what we’ve used before, so why don’t I… get you nice and ready, huh?” you whisper hotly, pulling her underwear to the side. Without waiting for an answer, you collect Wanda’s juices in your fingers, prodding at her entrance and stretching her. When you bring a finger to your mouth and suck, Wanda’s mouth opens, hypnotized by your movement. “Lie on your back and get that dress off. I wanna taste that pussy”
She doesn’t need to be told twice, and you watch with a smile as she discards the dress, waiting in her matching lace set.
“What a good girl” you purr, crawling until you’re close to her center. You kiss the inside of her thighs, and then pull down her panties, slick coating the fabric.
Wanda arches her back when she feels your mouth on her cunt, holding your head in place. You let her dig her nails in your scalp, moving against your face until you have her arousal on your chin and lips.
“Feeling ready to take my cock?” you say, standing up to take off your clothes. Wanda is so worked up that she barely listens to you, watching as you adjust the strap around your hips.
Before you can get back to bed, Wanda leans forward, licking the shaft.
“Fuck” you say, admiring how the cock disappears inside her mouth, and she looks so pleased licking it that you’re tempted to squeeze and have the lube run down her throat.
Maybe later, you decide when she breaks apart, gasping for air.
“I’m not waiting any longer to be buried inside you” you say, pushing her so she’s on her back again. “Ready?”
“Please, just fuck me already” she says, canting her hips up.
“So desperate. And all just so you can have my cum inside you, is that right?” you taunt, letting the tip in and watching for any sign of discomfort.
Wanda bites her lip and the way she looks at you makes your hips jerk, introducing more of the toy. The woman moans, her nails digging in your sides.
“That’s it” she sighs, while you move in and out, starting a slow and steady ryhtm. You lift her legs and put them over your shoulders, going deeper and hitting that perfect spot that makes her see stars.
“Harder, I want you to fuck me so hard”
“How hard, huh?” your hand goes to her neck and you squeeze. Wanda moans your name, enjoying the pressure. “Want me to come inside you?”
“Yes, please fill me up”
“So pretty when you beg” you mutter, pounding harder and letting the hand that was chocking her travel to her nipples. You pinch one and then the other, enjoying Wanda’s sensitivity.
As you change your angle, Wanda’s legs squeeze you, pulling you closer. You thrust harder, erratically, knowing you’re close and so is she.
“Wanna get you nice and full”
“Fuck, yes” Wanda cries out, biting the spot between your shoulder and neck. “I’m gonna…”
As soon as she says those words, your hand travels between your bodies, squeezing the strap on so it can shoot the load inside of her.
Wanda lets out a loud moan at the feeling, pulling you until you can’t hold yourself up, collapsing on top of her.
For a few minutes, all that can be heard is your heavy breathing. Once you come to your senses, you move to the side. While Wanda is still trying to recover, you look down, clenching at the mess between your bodies.
“Give me a second and we can…” Wanda says, coming back to her senses. You smile, kissing her softly.
“Take your time. I’m not going anywhere”
Once her breathing evens out, she scoots closer, hiding in your arms.
“Was it good? We appreciate honest feedback here”
Wanda laughs, kissing your neck.
“It was so good I think I might be pregnant”
“Well” you say, rolling so Wanda’s on top now. “That will be one beautiful baby”
—
This has been the best night of your life. You’re usually quiet when having sex, because you never have the house to yourselves. After that, you cuddle and call it a night.
Not this night, though. You had been at it for a couple of hours when you got hungry, so now you’re having a midnight snack, Wanda wearing your shirt and you in the usual tank top.
“Food’s almost ready” Wanda says.
"While we wait, let's..." you trail off, playing some music.
I used to love like a lovesick puppy Loving on anyone who'd throw me a bone I didn't care if they weren't good for me 'Cause it was better than being alone
“What are you doing?” Wanda asks with a smile when you reach out for her hand.
“Can I have this dance?”
“I’m a terrible dancer” she warns you, but you shrug your shoulders.
“You’re not wearing heels right now, so we’re safe. Come on, I’ll lead”
Without waiting for her reply, your hands go around her waist. Wanda puts her arms over your shoulders, letting you sway her to the music.
Now I've grown up to be a pretty cool person Loving myself and I know my worth I think I'm ready to find my person 'Cause I won't accept less than I deserve
“I’m not looking for a girlfriend, I’m looking for a wife” you sing, making Wanda laugh.
“Is this you proposing?”
“What? Nu-uh. When I do it, it’s gonna be awesome. And unexpected. But mostly awesome”
“When you propose? You thought about it”
“I’m here for the long run, baby”
Wanda smiles, leaning against your chest, while you keep rocking gently to the music.
“I love you”
“Love you too, Wanda”
Ooweeoowee My emergency contact Want a love like that No sweat 'cause I know you've got my back Ooweeoowee My emergency contact Want a love like that, want a love like that
A/N: Song is Emergency Contact by Corook. Please listen to all her music.
Last year I told you all to listen to Chappell Roan and none of you did and LOOK WHERE WE ARE NOW
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"Behind Closed Doors" (18+)
Pairing: Spencer Reid x f!reader
Genre: smut!!, 18+ only, fluff
Warnings: smut, p in v, kissing, unprotected sex, fluffy smut, it's cute :)
Words: long, idk, sorry
Summary: The man who walked out of that prison was not the same man who had gone in. And there is a need in this different man...
It had been months since Spencer Reid was released from prison. The guilt of his wrongful conviction still lingered, but now, with his freedom restored, there was a whole new weight in the air between us. The Spencer Reid I knew had always been distant, reserved, and so wrapped up in his own world that the idea of him noticing anything—let alone me—seemed impossible. But somehow, through all the chaos, the letters and visits, I could see something shift in him.
The man who walked out of that prison was not the same man who had gone in. He was a version of Spencer I could hardly recognize—more hardened, more aware of his own power. But when he looked at me, there was something in those eyes, something that drew me in like nothing before.
I had been waiting for this moment—the moment when I could finally have him, really have him. And now, here he was, standing in the doorway of my apartment, shifting uneasily on his feet, looking both lost and conflicted.
“Spencer…” I said, my voice soft as I closed the space between us. My heart was racing, and I couldn’t decide whether I was nervous or exhilarated. Maybe both. “It’s good to see you.”
He looked at me for a beat, his gaze dark and intense, then glanced away briefly, as if the weight of my words was too much. “I don’t know if ‘good’ is the word for it,” he muttered, his voice rougher than I remembered. There was still a certain vulnerability beneath that hardness, a part of him that hadn’t quite healed from what he’d been through. But it didn’t scare me. I wasn’t afraid of him anymore.
“You don’t have to explain yourself,” I said, standing closer to him now. My fingers itched to touch him, but I wasn’t sure if I should. I’d never seen him so conflicted, so unsure of himself, and I didn’t want to make it worse. “I’m just glad you’re here.”
There was a long silence as his eyes flickered back to me. I saw the tension in his posture—the way he clenched his jaw, his fists barely hanging at his sides as if he were waiting for something, for some cue. We both stood there, just breathing, the room feeling too small for what was building between us.
“You’ve been on my mind,” Spencer finally said, his words slow and deliberate. “I know I’ve been distant, but after everything… I…” His voice faltered, and he cleared his throat. It was rare for Spencer to lose his composure, but the weight of everything seemed to be crashing down on him now.
I took a step forward, my body betraying me as my hands found their way to his chest. “Spencer, you don’t have to explain. I know.” I looked up at him, my heart pounding as his eyes softened, that familiar warmth beginning to creep into his gaze.
And then, something shifted.
Without a word, he leaned down slightly, his lips just brushing the edge of my ear. “I’ve wanted you,” he murmured, his breath hot against my skin, sending shivers down my spine. The words felt like a spark, igniting something deep within me. Everything in me screamed to pull him closer, to feel his lips against mine.
But before I could act on that instinct, he pulled back slightly, searching my face for a sign. “You’re sure about this?” His voice was hoarse, a trace of uncertainty still lingering in his tone. But there was also a hunger there—a need that matched mine.
I didn’t hesitate. I had never been more sure of anything in my life. “Yes. I’m sure,” I breathed, my eyes locked with his. “I’ve always been sure.”
Spencer let out a deep breath and closed the distance between us in an instant. His lips collided with mine, a fierce and desperate kiss that stole the air from my lungs. His hands came up to cup my face, and the urgency in his touch made my heart race even faster. I responded instantly, my own hands threading into his hair, pulling him closer as the kiss deepened.
The kiss was raw—needy, as if we had both been starved for this moment for too long. The way he kissed me was possessive, but not in a way that scared me. It was as if he was trying to reclaim a part of himself he thought he had lost, and in doing so, he was claiming me, too.
I could feel the tension in his body, the muscles under his shirt tight as he pulled me even closer, molding my body against his. Every part of me seemed to respond to him—my heart, my breath, my body—everything was reacting to the heat between us.
I let out a soft gasp as his hands moved down to the hem of my shirt, lifting it over my head in one swift motion. The cool air hit my skin, but it did nothing to dampen the fire that was building inside me. Spencer’s eyes scanned my body, taking me in with a hunger that left me breathless.
“You’re beautiful,” he whispered, his voice rough. “God, I’ve thought about you like this.”
The sound of those words, the raw intensity in them, made my chest tighten. I didn’t know how to respond, didn’t know if I could put into words how badly I wanted him, too. But before I could say anything, his lips were on mine again, more forceful this time, more demanding. His hands explored my body, his fingers tracing the curve of my spine, making me arch into him.
I moaned softly, and Spencer groaned in response. The sound sent a shockwave of desire through me, and I pulled him down with me onto the couch, never breaking the kiss. His body hovered over mine as I felt his weight press down on me, his hands now pulling at my jeans. I didn’t hesitate to help him, sliding them off with a sudden rush of urgency. I wanted him so badly, it felt like everything I had been holding back was finally coming to the surface.
His eyes met mine once more, the intensity in them so raw it took my breath away. “Are you sure?” he asked, his voice thick with desire, his hand resting on my bare hip.
I nodded, my own body trembling in anticipation. “Yes,” I whispered again, my hands sliding down his chest, feeling the hard muscles beneath his skin. “Please.”
That was all he needed.
In one swift motion, Spencer kissed me again, and I melted under him. There was nothing gentle about it now. He was all-consuming, his lips capturing mine in a way that made everything else disappear. His body was a wall of heat against mine, and I could feel the tension, the pent-up need between us, breaking open.
I was lost in him—his kiss, his touch, the feel of his body pressing against mine as we both moved in perfect sync. Spencer Reid was no longer the broken man who had left prison; he was someone new, someone who needed this just as much as I did. And as I finally gave myself to him fully, I knew that this was the start of something much deeper.
He pulled away for a moment, his face inches from mine, both of us gasping for breath. “I’ve never wanted anyone more,” he said, his voice low and rough, almost growling the words.
I smiled, my fingers brushing against his jawline, the weight of everything between us settling into something undeniable. “Then let’s not waste any more time,” I whispered, and with that, his lips found mine once more, sealing the promise of everything to come.
The room felt like it was closing in on us, the air thick with the electricity between us. Spencer's lips were still on mine, but now there was a desperation to it, an urgency that hadn't been there before. His hands were everywhere, pulling at my clothes, as if he was afraid the moment might slip away. And maybe it would, but I didn’t care. I was done holding back, done pretending like I didn’t feel the pull, the need, the desire that had been simmering for so long.
“Spencer,” I gasped, tugging at his shirt. “I need you.”
His breath hitched against my lips, and for a second, he paused—just enough to let me breathe, enough to let the weight of the moment sink in. His eyes met mine, and there was something in them that I hadn’t seen before, a rawness that sent shivers down my spine.
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” he muttered, his voice rough, his chest rising and falling in shallow breaths. He pulled back, just enough to look at me, his hand resting against my cheek. “God, I’ve been waiting for this, for you… for so long.”
His words cut through me, and I could feel the ache in my chest deepen. Spencer had always been so careful, so guarded with his feelings. But now, in the heat of the moment, he was letting it all spill out. The prison had taken so much from him, but now, in this space, with his fingers grazing over my skin, I could feel that he was giving himself back to me, piece by piece.
Before I could respond, Spencer kissed me again, harder this time, his lips moving against mine with a fierce need. I kissed him back with equal intensity, my hands roaming over his body, desperate to touch him, to feel the warmth of his skin beneath my fingertips. Every inch of him was real, was mine, and it felt like a dream.
I could feel the tension in his body, the way he fought to keep control, but there was no need for it anymore. I didn’t want him to hold back, didn’t want him to second-guess himself. So, I gave him no choice but to surrender to the moment. I tugged at his belt, my fingers trembling with the need to touch him fully, to feel every part of him. Spencer gasped as I worked at the fabric of his jeans, finally pushing them down along with his boxers.
“Are you sure?” he asked again, his voice a low growl against my neck, his hands cupping my face. But this time, there was no uncertainty in his tone. Only need.
“Yes,” I whispered, the word barely leaving my lips, leaving me with nothing but the heat of the moment.
The air was thick with anticipation, but it wasn’t uncomfortable—it was the kind of pressure that built between us, something powerful and unrelenting, until nothing existed but Spencer and I. He took a breath, steadying himself for a moment, before he looked down at me, his eyes clouded with both desire and something else, something deeper.
“I don’t know how to do this without… without feeling like I’m losing myself,” he murmured, his voice thick, like he was working through every word. “But I want you. I need you.”
And in that moment, something shifted. There was no more hesitation, no more uncertainty. I pulled him down toward me again, wrapping my arms around his neck as I kissed him, slow at first, savoring the feel of him beneath me. I could feel his heart hammering against mine, the warmth of his body pressing down on me, his breath ragged against my lips.
“I’m not going anywhere, Spencer,” I said softly, my hands threading through his hair, pulling him closer. “I’m right here.”
His eyes met mine, and for the first time, I saw the walls fall away. The Spencer Reid I had known for so long—the brilliant, reserved, sometimes awkward man who could solve any puzzle but never seemed to understand his own heart—was finally, fully here. And I wanted him, all of him.
Spencer’s hand slid down to my thigh, his fingers just brushing the edge of my skin, sending sparks of heat through me. His mouth found mine again, and this time, it wasn’t just a kiss. It was more—it was an affirmation of everything we had both been holding back, everything we had been afraid to say, to feel. We were breaking the silence, breaking the distance between us, and I couldn’t hold back anymore.
As he pulled away, his gaze locked on mine, and the intensity in it made my breath catch. “Are you sure?” he asked again, his voice barely a whisper, the words laced with something I couldn’t quite put into words.
I nodded, a smile tugging at my lips. “I’m more than sure. I want you, Spencer. I’ve wanted you for so long.”
That was all he needed to hear. He kissed me again, and this time, it was wild, unrestrained. Spencer’s body pressed against mine, his hands everywhere, pulling at the rest of the clothes that separated us. I could feel his need in the way he kissed me, the way his hands shook as they touched me, and I couldn’t help but respond in kind. I wasn’t going to let this moment slip away, not now that we were finally here.
I moved beneath him, my hands sliding down his back, feeling the muscles flex as I pulled him closer, wanting more. His lips trailed down my neck, and I gasped as his tongue found the sensitive spot just beneath my ear. It sent waves of pleasure crashing through me, and I couldn’t stop the moan that escaped my lips.
“Spencer,” I breathed, my voice trembling with need. “Please…”
His eyes flicked to mine, and for a moment, everything else disappeared. There was only us. And then, without another word, Spencer moved between my legs, his body pressing against me as his hands slid to my hips. His lips captured mine once more, his kiss deep and possessive, as if he were claiming me in a way that was both thrilling and comforting.
With a single, slow motion, he entered me, and the sensation was overwhelming. I gasped, my body arching beneath him as he filled me, his name falling from my lips in a breathless whisper. Spencer’s pace was slow at first, as if he were savoring the moment, but the tension was unbearable, and soon he was moving faster, more urgently. My hands gripped his shoulders, pulling him deeper as I met him thrust for thrust.
The world outside this room didn’t exist anymore. There was only Spencer, only this moment, and the way we were connecting in ways neither of us had expected. His name left my lips in a breathless cry, and he groaned in response, his body pushing against mine as if he was trying to lose himself in me.
I could feel the build-up, the tension coiling in my body, and I knew we were both getting closer, both on the edge of something we couldn’t control. Spencer’s lips were on mine again, his kiss tender but frantic as he whispered, “I want you. So much.”
With one final thrust, I shattered, my body bucking beneath him as the release coursed through me. Spencer followed shortly after, his breath ragged, his body trembling as he buried his face against my neck, his own release shaking him to his core.
We lay there together, our bodies entwined, the world outside fading into the background. My heart was racing, but in the aftermath, there was only peace. Spencer’s fingers traced lazy patterns on my skin, and his lips brushed softly against my ear.
“I’m not going anywhere, Spencer,” I whispered again, this time with complete certainty. "I’m here. With you."
He kissed the top of my head, his voice softer than before, but filled with something I had never expected to hear from him. "I don’t deserve you, but I’m not letting you go."
In that moment, I realized that, in this space between us, neither of us had to be perfect. We didn’t need to fix the broken pieces of the past because, right here, right now, we were whole. And it was enough.
#criminal minds#criminal minds fanfic#mgg#spencer reid#spencer reid fluff#spencer reid imagine#spencer reid x reader#spencer reid smut#criminal minds one shot#criminal minds imagine#criminal minds smut
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my happiness is all of your misery
pairing: dark!agathario x fem!reader
summary: you hadn't seen your kidnappers in centuries, but of course, you just had to be summoned right to them.
content: noncon, mentions of physical/mental/sexual abuse, mentions of suicide, manipulation, mentions of death, pain (slapping), spitting, praise, HEAVY TOPICS, crying, fingering (r receiving), blood licking, kidnapping, orgasm control/ruining, cum eating.
a/n: just pretend the others don't exist on the witches road pls. only agatha and rio here.
masterlist
"Oh, I mean. No complaints from me."
Your skin crawled at the sound of a voice you hadn't heard in centuries. Agatha Harkness.
You felt like you would be sick at the sound of the second voice.
"Interesting."
Rio Vidal.
Without a second thought, you were on your feet and sprinting away from them. You dodged through trees and bushes, cursing when you heard footsteps following.
It had been centuries since you last saw the pair, and you wanted to get far away from them.
When you first met them, you were dead. Death had come to reap your soul but she didn't. She resurrected you and kept you as her pet. You met Agatha a few weeks after that.
They were awful and cruel owners. Your body never healed, even after you escaped. You hated thinking about what they did to you. But you hated even more that you loved them for it.
Rio slammed into you and sent you flying to the ground. She buried her hand in your hair and sat on your stomach, pinning your arms down with her legs.
"You can't run from us, idiot." She laughed her wicked laugh. "We're on the Witches' Road."
Agatha appeared by her side.
"Let me die, please." You begged.
"I'd never let you die," Rio whispered.
You sniffled. She had never let you die. Multiple times you had killed yourself to end their torture but she brought you back each time. Your death doesn't exist when Death does.
Her lips connected with yours and you hated how perfectly they morphed together. Her hand drifted down to your pants and you made a noise of discomfort.
She hushed you and tugged your pants down enough to reveal your panties to her. She ignored cries as she pushed them to the side and collected your slick on two fingers.
"All we've done is kiss and you're already wet. Looks like someone missed me." Rio grinned.
"I hate you."
Rio and Agatha rolled their eyes in sync. Their synchronisation was something you always loved about them.
Agatha crouched next to you. She lovingly caressed your cheek with a small smile. Then the smile was replaced by an angered frown and she slapped you.
"We gave you everything and you left us for two centuries. You're such an ungrateful little bitch." She snarled.
You flinched. The pain from her slap was somewhat comforting.
"I hate you. I hate you both." You fought against Rio's hold. "I wish you both would die. You don't deserve to live."
"That's ironic telling Death that you wish she was dead," Rio said.
Agatha grabbed your jaw and squeezed until it dropped open. You cringed as her spit hit your tongue, but held it obediently until she told you to swallow.
"Good girl. It looks like you haven't forgotten your training after all this time."
You wanted to roll your eyes and snap back the question about how you could forget their training. It was still so drilled into your mind that you caught yourself still acting how they trained you to act even when they weren't there.
Tears prickled in your eyes as Rio pushed a single finger inside of you and pumped a slow, steady pace. You kept eye contact with Agatha, afraid she would get angry if you looked away.
"You should know that crying doesn't get you anywhere," Agatha said, wiping your tears away with her thumb.
"I can't control it," You meekly replied.
They laughed.
Rio added two more fingers, stretching you out perfectly. Your walls clenched around her fingers and you whimpered from the pain. Her thumb pressed against your clit and you squirmed in her hold.
Agatha pulled Rio into a heated kiss. There was a small fight for dominance that Agatha won. When they pulled apart, you saw that Rio's lip was bleeding. Agatha cupped her jaw and licked the blood away.
Your whimper pulled their attention to you.
"Feeling left out, huh?" Rio asked.
Her thumb rubbed circles on your clit and she pumped her fingers faster. She curled her fingers upwards and pressed against your g-spot.
The familiar feeling started to build in your stomach.
You bit your tongue. You weren't going to beg, not this time.
"Don't get fucking bratty." Rio snapped. "Beg for it."
You ignored Rio.
"Come on, sweetheart." Agatha cooed.
You ignored Agatha, too.
Rio ripped her fingers from you and slapped your cunt, making you cry out. She stood and licked her fingers clean, disappointment painted on her face.
Your ruined orgasm made you want to cry.
"Get up." She said in a monotone voice. "We have a road to walk."
You pulled your pants up and cringed at the uncomfortable wet feeling as you scrambled to your feet.
"And don't you dare think you're going to escape." Agatha shoved you towards Rio, who was walking ahead. Agatha walked behind you, keeping you caged between them.
You stifled a sob.
You would never be free from them. They owned you and you couldn't do anything about it.
All you can do is accept it.
#rio vidal x you#rio vidal x reader#rio vidal x y/n#agatha all along#agatha harkness x reader#agatha harkness x you#agatha harkness x y/n#bluewrites
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✩ ‧₊˚ ✩ KISS IT BETTER — GETO SUGURU.
contents. post hidden inventory arc, healing suguru agenda !!, fluff + established relationships, suguru has nightmares :(, chest kissies for sugu <3, reader lays on top of him, like very cheesy banter my bad
suguru gets nightmares—it’s expected, but it’s not easy. it breaks your heart—very painfully so—every time he jolts up with frantic eyes and labored breaths.
he tries to shake you off and pretend he’s fine the first few times, but by the time it’s happened enough, he resigns himself to letting you handle things, just like you always do.
it’s easier when you handle things—he’s starting to realize that more.
“another one?” you mumble through a yawn, sitting up and hugging him from behind as your cheek rests on his bare back. he grunts, hunched over with his head in his hands.
“‘s okay,” he says quietly, “you can go back to sleep.”
“we both know i’m not doing that, suguru,” you hum, palm rubbing slow circles into his abs. he sighs, melting into your touch eventually as he leans against you, head falling back to lay on your shoulder.
“sorry,” he whispers, “i didn’t wanna wake you.”
“i wish you would,” you hum, tracing his nose delicately as you kiss the side of his head, “i wish you’d let me help, baby.”
“you already help enough,” he mutters—almost bitterly, you note, “i don’t need to make you lose sleep over it.”
“you’d do the same for me,” you say gently, “wouldn’t you?”
“of course,” he says instantly.
sometimes, suguru is too kind for the world. it tramples him and leaves him curled on the floor under its cruelty. sometimes, he gives too much and forgets to take, to ask, and it’s starting to show. it’s starting to pile up and become too much and you think, just for once, someone should give to suguru too—because he deserves it.
“it’s a two way street, y’know,” you smile against his temple, “wake me up next time. please?”
“you really wanna see me at my lowest, huh?” he tries to crack a joke and dodge the question—but you know suguru, and you know what he needs. sometimes before he knows himself, even.
“everyone needs someone in their lowest, baby,” you mumble, “it helps more than you think.”
it’s silent for a bit. it’s like that more often than not with suguru these days—he’s silent, prefers the quiet and tender moments alone with you when you happen to catch them. he doesn’t have the energy to talk, and you don’t make him, and he’s grateful. he’s grateful when your fingers weave into his hair and your lips find his cheek, when you’re content with laying your head on his chest and just being there as he thinks.
you look down as he lays against you, his back to your chest and his body slotted between your legs, resting in your hold. it’s silent—he doesn’t always want to talk, and you don’t make him.
and he’s grateful.
finally, he breaks the silence first. “i felt it all over again,” he mumbles, “the…on my…”
his hand instinctively covers his chest, and you know what he means—he doesn’t have to finish, doesn’t have to say anything else before you press a tender kiss to his head. suguru doesn’t have scars on his chest. shoko’s reverse cursed technique heals well enough that the scars on his chest don’t remain even a little. it’s almost like it never happened—no proof of the x shaped slashes from blades to his chest.
but suguru can still feel his skin slicing sometimes—in fact, he thinks he can never forget it.
“hmm,” you think out loud, “well, there’s only one remedy for this i’m afraid.”
he looks up and raises a brow, staring at you before you crawl from under him, letting him plop down against the pillows as your body turns to hover over his.
“what are you—”
“mwah,” you press a wet kiss to his chest, starting from his collarbone before continuing in a diagonal line down the rest of his sternum. he can’t help but let his lips slowly widen into a smile with each one, letting out a soft chuckle when you tickle the skin slightly. “i read somewhere that kisses are really good for healing,” you murmur.
“ah yes, your doctorate from webmd is really coming in handy,” he teases, grinning when your lips press against his collarbone once more, on the other side this time as you peck along his chest in another diagonal line. it’s silly, a little pointless even—the wounds have long healed and you can’t even be sure you’re kissing where the scars would be, but suguru seems to brighten considerably with every touch of your lips.
it’s enough.
“well, my handsome patient,” you say cheekily, “did that help?”
“oh yes,” he nods dramatically, “i feel better than ever. thank god i have a gorgeous doctor like you.”
“hmm, i am rather gorgeous,” you brighten, giggling as he pulls you down by the wrist to kiss you softly. his hands are on your cheeks, cupping your face delicately as you hum against his mouth. “better?” you ask pulling away, pecking the corner of his mouth.
he nods, wrapping two strong arms around you as you lay over his body, grinning up at you.
“better,” he assures, “they should let you open up your own clinic. you’d put the hospitals out of business.”
“but suguru,” you gasp, “then i would have to kiss random men—surely you can’t let that happen!”
“you’re right,” he plays along, eyes widening in faux concern, “i can’t. i guess i’ll have to be your only patient.”
you smile at him—it’s radiant enough to clear the dark clouds of his shoulders, gentle enough that he feels the hardened parts of him start to go soft just a little. sometimes, suguru gets nightmares—they’re not easy, but you make them feel a lot less impossible.
it’s enough.
“what a waste of my higher education,” you sigh, “but fine. you’ll be the only one i kiss better.”
“i’m so grateful,” he snorts, pulling the blanket over your bodies as he holds you close.
sleep comes easier that night—and every night after.
i’ve decided to give this lil healing sugu series a tag so it’s: #operation: heal suguru! and you can click the tag below on this post to read the earlier drabbles !!
anyway unseen footage from this moment is that i actually sucked his tiddies as i kissed his chest. bc lord knows he just needed his tiddies sucked and he’d have been 100% happier and fine
#teepods.writings#drabbles.#operation: heal suguru!#geto x reader#geto x you#geto fluff#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#geto suguru x reader#geto suguru x y/n#geto suguru x you#geto suguru fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff
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Happy Disability Pride Month!!!
Remember Folks:
- SELF CARE IS NUMBER ONE
- Use your spoons sparingly! Here’s some spoons to go: 🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄🥄
- Clean your mobility aids! (Seriously dude when was the last time you wiped that shit down with an antibacterial?)
- Accommodate yourself, as others will follow.
- Make goals within your reach and abilities
- DO YOUR COPINGS SKILLS
- Remember to stay hydrated and take your meds!
- For my fellow heat sensitive homies, stay cool this summer! A cold rag draped behind your neck, airy clothing, a small portable hand fan, keeping ice packs ready, cold water and expecially cold electrolyte drinks, all do wonders!
- For my fellow autistic folks, don’t be afraid wear earmuffs, stim, use chew charms, whatever it is that helps you regulate. You don’t have to mask if it’s something that isn’t benefitting to your life.
- POTS havin mofos like me, salt the ever loving fuck out of your food. Try different foods with salt, such as fruits and vegetables! I’m currently eating a salty tomato. Drink lots of water, I’ve been aiding gateraid packets to my water and it’s made a HUGE difference, especially as someone who hates drinking water.
- Those with PTSD for whatever reason, I wish you safety and support as you learn to cope and hopefully heal.
- I don’t know exactly what to say to others with H-EDS, as I’m still understanding this disorder other then BE CAREFUL WITH YOURSELF THIS PRIDE MONTH. I swear to god we are the most accident prone mother fuckers lmfao-
- If your immune system is all fucky like mine, keep clean and be sanitary, communicate with others that if they’re sick you can’t be around them, and wear a mask if you feel like that’s the right option for you. In my hometown I’ve gotten yelled at more than once for wearing a mask post-covid, however you can’t let someone else’s ignorance result in your own suffering.
- Don’t forget to move around and stretch! A little movement can do a lot for your body.
- Check in with your disabled friends! Try and see if there’s any way you can help one another, see where both of your strengths and weaknesses lie, and swap some spoons!!
- Be aware of what triggers your disorders. Whether if it’s caffeine triggering bipolar episodes, the weather causing fibro flares, big changes causing meltdowns, overexerting your hypermobility, whatever it is, it matters. Listen to your body and mind.
- Don’t be afraid to call out that doctor who isn’t listening, dismissing your symptoms and medically gaslighting you.
- While it may not seem like a big difference for some, trust me when I say your appetite is so important! Remember if it comes down to it, that it’s better to eat something, ANYTHING, than nothing at all. 
- To that person who might be hesitant, ashamed or might be questioning wether or not they should use a mobility aid, if it’s the difference between you being stuck at home vs going out and living some life… USE THAT MOBILITY AID!!! Same goes for braces and any other tool that may help you live a better quality of life.
- Be accepting towards those with disabilities different then your own- remember this month isn’t a competition about who’s struggling the most, rather to understand that people of physical, psychological, sensory, neurodivergence, and even undiagnosed disabilities all share one thing in common.. WHICH IS BEING DISABLED!
- Doesn’t matter who you are, how young or old, black or white, thick or thin - the disabled minority is one you can end up becoming a part of at any time, and likely will if you live long enough. Disability doesn’t discriminate, so EVERYONE should be advocating for disabled people’s rights.
- And of course, have pride in being disabled. This shit is fucking hard, but if you’re reading this, you’re doing it. Just being here today and doing what you can handle or manage, is doing your best, and that’s enough. You don’t have to push yourselves to impossible lengths to be proud of yourself.
Here, have the disability pride flag:
#actually disabled#cripplepunk#actually autistic#chronic illness#disability#disability pride#disability pride month#spoonie#pots syndrome#potsie#mobility aid#accommodations#self care#self help#young disabled#disability activism#coping skills#heat sensitivity#fibromyalgia#hypermobility#mental health#physically disabled#neurodivergent#sensory issues#take care of yourself#self love#disabled pride#chronically ill#chronic pain#chronic fatigue
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Rookanis and Romance Archetypes
I have longer thoughts that I should probably write out, but here's where I'm at with Lucanis and Rook as a romance (I Love Them).
First of all, when you're looking at the capital-R Romance genre (not to be confused with the Romanticism movement, because we WILL be here all day), one of the most important bits of analysis to start with is determining what the "fantasy" might be and who it's for. Judgement-free. Occasionally, a friend will approach me about a book, boggled that all their friends like it, and we'll play this game. "What's the fantasy" is important, because otherwise we get bogged down with judgements like "Don't women know that a love interest like this would be bad for them?"
Yes, usually. Take the older stereotypical bodice ripper where the love interest kidnaps the heroine and carries her away to have his way with her. In this fantasy, the heroine is perceived as beautiful and irresistible and doesn't have to cross the social boundary of Having Desire. Another version of this is more common today (in the books that people will admit to reading), and that's the fantasy where the heroine has desire, but the love interest is uniquely capable of intuiting it and returning it.
Coming back to Veilguard:
Lucanis/Rook is flipped in-game, as far as romance archetypes go. For all that Rook is the protagonist of the game at large, you get hints in early game flirting scenes that this romance isn't going to go the way you might be expecting. When it comes down to it, Rook is the love interest, and Lucanis is the hero (i.e., the character referred to more commonly as the heroine).
In the romance arc, of the two of them, Lucanis is the one with the Disney/musical theatre "I want" song. The fantasy is for someone to see him as he is and to reach out for him where he's at. This feels impossible at the beginning! He's newly an abomination, he's a killer, and he feels that there's something deeply wrong with him as a human being—that there always has been.
His fantasy becomes that as he works through his current family issues, his dangerous supernatural malady*, and his sometimes panicked response to the pressure of saving the world, there's half a chance that there might be someone who will wait for him at the end of it. And when he gets to the point where he can face the Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known, there will still be someone who looks at him and sees something better than what he sees in himself.
The fantasy for the player is an uncommon one, for the romance genre: it's the fantasy of being capable of being that person to someone else. Rook can be capable of handling anything life throws at them. Rook doesn't need to be afraid of any kind of violence. More importantly, Rook can be worthy of that kind of trust.
Next time, I argue that Neve/Lucanis and Rook/Lucanis are both illustrations of healing in a positive direction, but in different ways.
*Don't @ me over this. Being fused together the way they are is dangerous for both Spite and Lucanis
#we love and respect neve gallus in this house#also i have thoughts about how lucanis sees spite as a reflection of himself and oh boy that does not make things easy for the poor demon#lucanis x rook#rook x lucanis#rookanis#lucanis dellamorte#veilguard meta#veilguard spoilers#da veilguard#dragon age veilguard#dragon age the veilguard#crow thoughts#veilguard#da: the veilguard#romance tropes#character meta
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