#i know this is not what is going to happen because sooner or later they’ll be back

[persephoneflouwers]

I sometimes wonder how much Louis is able to withstand. It’s a lot of heartbreak in a short amount of time. I got to thinking about this when I’ve been catching up on old 1D footage and even after 1D ended how they really supported each other.

A couple of things that are like daggers to the heart… that hug they shared at the last show. I know we all focused on the Larry hug but with some of these videos & tik toks people are sharing on Twitter, I really saw the Lilo hug. I teared up. They were so close even with the band ending. And then I think of Liam wearing Louis’ merch. Ugh I teared up again. Louis defending Liam on that radio show, teared up again. These darn lilo compilations lol. It’s just minutes of pure emotion. I feel like Louis once again lost such a big part of his support system that he and we thought he’d have for many years to come. Oh and the “I thought we’d share the same stage again but it wasn’t meant to be” part. And how Liam said that Louis would purposely start these water fights to make Liam smile and be like a kid again.

To see how he was publicly grieving by posting not only his statement but the pictures he posted of the 2 of them and then also posting his latest song to encourage people to stream it. It just kills me to see Louis be the next big target online. The amount of hate & wishes of harm on him so soon after Liam’s passing is gross. I hope Louis stays far away from social media and just concentrates on himself during this difficult time.

Oh, that was a bit soul cleansing lol. Sorry to bring up all of this, things just really got to me yesterday. I hope everyone can take steps to heal, I guess I realized my process might be a little longer ❤️‍🩹 Take care!

🫂

[freelancearsonist]

so scarlet, it was...

➔ post-outbreak Joel Miller x afab!Reader - series masterlist

➔ 1.3k words

➔ “Go ahead, yell your fucking head off. That’ll make everything okay, won’t it?”

➔ Rated MA for dark fic kinda, a/b/o themes (alpha joel, omega reader), established... situationship? i guess, pregnancy/contemplation of termination, contemplation of self harm, reader is not in a good headspace. one instance of vomiting, joel is not very nice, this fic in general is not very nice. takes place three years post outbreak. [please let me know if i missed any warnings so i can add them in :)]

➔ thank you so much to my darling @bitchwitch1981 for the prompt, i'm so sorry this is probably very much not what you wanted 🤣 extra special thank you to @perotovar for making this wonderful joel gif for me, if ur reading this ily <3

You’ve never actually used one of these things before. You’ve only read about them in books or seen them in movies from years ago, and they’ve only ever been an object of abject horror.

You understand why now, looking down at those two little lines on the stick cradled in your hand. You’ve never been quite so terrified in your life.

You never should’ve pocketed this test when you found it in that miraculously untouched drug store. You could’ve stayed blissfully unaware. Better yet, you should’ve been more careful. Three years of living like this has been more than enough to make you firm in your decision to never bring life into this broken world. This isn’t a place for a child, this is barely even a place for you. Every day is a fight, every waking moment is a nightmare. But you’ve been so careless with him and now it’s all crashing down, this blissful bubble where you can pretend that everything might be okay because you have the pack and, more importantly, him. 

You won’t have him for much longer when he finds out about this.

You wonder what it’ll take to right this wrong before he finds out about it. It must be pretty early, so maybe it won’t take much to reverse it. Maybe all you’ll have to do is bump into something just right, or trip over the right log.

The thought makes you sick–more stomach bile than anything else coming up because you’ve hardly had more to eat than stale beef jerky and some precarious berries in the past few days. Resources have been so slim; another reason this can’t be happening. You hardly have enough to tide you over, much less a child. And it’ll be even worse once the pack abandons you.

You bury yourself into the haphazard nest of blankets and his worn clothes, letting the heavy, musky scent of him soothe your wracking sobs. 

Maybe you should just accept your fate now, sacrifice yourself for the good of the pack. Everyone is going to die eventually, after all–sooner rather than later in this world. You’ve only been postponing the inevitable. They never have to know why you do it, and it’ll be one less mouth to feed. Two, technically, but they’ll never have to know that. He won’t even really miss you, it’ll be one less burden on his hands. On all of their hands.

You don’t hear them return early from scavenging–maybe because the volume of your own sobs drowns out any other noise. Or maybe because he can sense something is wrong as he enters the run-down little shack you’ve been holed up in for the past few weeks, and he softens his approach because of it.

Joel has never been quite as tender as he is when he takes you into his arms, pulling your face out of the pile of fabric to wipe at your tear-streaked cheeks.

“My omega, shhhh, I’m here. It’s okay,” he murmurs, wrapping you into his big, strong, safe arms. He doesn’t know. Maybe he thinks you had a nightmare, or you just missed him, or a million other things except the truth. But he doesn’t know, and you know he doesn’t know because you feel the moment he connects the dots. His eyes drop to the little white stick clutched tightly in your fist and his entire body stiffens like a board. Suddenly there’s no more warmth or comfort to his touch, nothing soothing about the pheromones drifting from him. He pulls away like you’re infected, and maybe you are. Maybe the thing that’s taken root in you is worse than cordyceps could ever hope to be.

You’ve never been terrified of him before. Joel is dark and brooding and imposing, but he’s only ever fought to protect you. His omega, who wormed their way under his skin despite him fighting it every step of the way. His omega, who’s been the only source of anything remotely close to comfort he’s had since outbreak day. His omega, who’s given him purpose in this dark world.

His omega, who’s betrayed him in such an unforgivable way.

“What the fuck.” There’s nothing but venom in his tone–he looks at you with pure disgust and your resolve crumbles.

Maybe there was a little, tiny, miniscule part of you that hoped it would be different. That he would be excited to be a father, or at least be understanding. But that hope dies so suddenly when you look up into his scowling face. He towers over you, dark eyes flashing with anger, and for the first time since you met him two long years ago you’re scared.

“You were supposed to be careful.” His voice rises further and further with each syllable, as if this isn’t partially his fault too. As if he wasn’t the one in such an uncontrollable rut last month that he kept you in bed all week, losing the willpower required to pull out with each powerful thrust of his hips. As if it isn’t his seed blooming in your womb as you speak.

“What do we do now, huh?” He growls, eyes darkening, fists clenching at his sides. “I’ve fucking marked you, I can’t turn you loose! And we barely make it by as we are! How the fuck are we supposed to handle this?”

He rants for what seems like hours and you flinch with every booming word, curling tighter around yourself in a desperate attempt to simply disappear; to not have to deal with this any more because your heart shatters with each irreversible word he throws at you. You shrink and shrink and shrink in hopes of vanishing because this is undoable. No matter what happens, nothing will ever go back to the way it was and that’s the knowledge that crushes you completely.

Your voice is so small when he finally quiets enough for you to speak. “Go ahead, yell your fucking head off. That’ll make everything okay, won’t it?”

Joel stops in his tracks, white knuckles unclenching for the first time in minutes. He sees the fear and regret in your eyes, and he almost lets it soften him. He loathes himself for this look on your face–for making you scared of him.

His omega. So small and fragile, curled in a pile of his clothes because his scent brings you comfort. He’s dedicated two years of his time and effort to keeping you safe and comfortable, if not happy. He’s supposed to protect you, not hurt you. He’s supposed to give you children and raise them with you, be a family with you. That’s what being your alpha means, and he has so sorely failed you. 

But he knows he can never do that again. That’s never what this was supposed to be. He didn’t mark you out of anything but necessity–if he had let your uncontrolled scent waft every time you went into heat, every alpha in the country would be targeting your little pack of four. You’re his omega out of biological necessity–a warm hole to fill when his rut threatens to tear already strenuous ties with his brother and Tess. That’s what he tells himself because the alternative is so startlingly incomprehensible that he won’t allow himself to even consider the fact that he might care about you; that the urge to care for you and protect you is more than primal, biological instinct; that you mean more to him than anyone ever has.

Not just his omega now, but his mate. His unborn child is growing and growing and growing with each passing second inside your womb and he’s powerless to stop it.

“We’re thirty-seven miles from the Boston QZ,” he growls from somewhere deep in his chest. “We leave at first light.”

You don’t get a chance to argue or plead your case before the door slams shut behind him. 

➔ beta: @beskarandblasters and @fhatbhabie

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[maximoffcarter]

Take a chance on me.

Pairings: Emily Prentiss x reader.

Summary: To say that Emily was baffled that she first had control over the situation with the UnSub and suddenly being hostage and getting shot again, was an understatement. But what she didn't expect was that she'd meet someone.

A/n: This was requested by anon, I was going to follow Emily's thingy with Mendoza but decided to change it a bit and make it in my own image🫢 Also, I didn't want to have to rewatch those episodes cause I kinda like to think they didn't happen🙂‍↔️ I also did not proof read this, I never do until it's too late haha, so my apologies. I'm working on everyone's request, I'm slowly getting back to writing again cause I miss it so much, and I've been so busy. Hope you guys enjoy this, leave comments, hearts, whatever you like and reblog so this gets some love🫶🏻

*not my gif*

To say that Emily was baffled that she first had control over the situation with the UnSub and suddenly being hostage and getting shot again, was an understatement. After two days of dealing with this case, it seemed like they had it all figured out and under control, but of course, things don’t always go as planned or expected, and now here she was in a hospital bed, waiting for her procedure to get the bullet out because, apparently, it was dangerous to keep the bullet inside and she had to go through surgery to get it out. The team had already made its round to check on her and had promised that they’d be back once Emily was out, she didn’t see the need for them to stay when they had paperwork to do, and they could just go home. She groaned softly as she laid her head back against the pillow and closed her eyes for a moment, sooner or later the nurse would come to take her to the OR, and she’d be out for a while. Soon enough, she felt the presence of someone, she opened her eyes and was about to make a comment about being fine when her eyes landed on the agent that had saved her life. The agent she had spent the last two days working with, and that somehow, had taken her breath away.

“Carter…what…what are you doing here?” Emily offered a small smile, trying to hide the faint blush on her cheeks as she noticed the flowers that the agent was holding.

Y/n huffed a chuckle as she walked into the room, placing the flowers on the table in front of the bed. “I uh…I wanted to check on you. I heard they’ll have to take you to surgery.”

Emily scoffed. “Yeah, well, apparently I can’t keep it in, and they convinced me of the surgery to save me from pain.” She shrugged.

Y/n chuckled softly as she nodded. “Yeah, great choice.” She smiled softly as she tilted her head, staring at Emily. “I’m just glad you’re okay.”

“Well, you saved me. So, I gotta thank you for that.” Emily smiled softly as she stared at her. “And…thanks for the flowers.”

Y/n looked at them and chuckled nervously. “Yeah, well, they were out of ‘get well’ balloons. And I thought these flowers were pretty.” She smiled softly and returned her stare at Emily. “And you really don’t have to thank me.”

Emily nodded as she huffed a chuckle. “Well, I still wanna thank you. Not everyone would risk their life for a stranger.”

Y/n hummed as she squinted her eyes. “Isn’t that our job, though? Risking our lives for strangers?” She grinned softly.

Emily rolled her eyes playfully and grinned. “You know what I mean, and if you don’t, then maybe it’s your problem or maybe me not thinking because of the painkillers.”

Y/n laughed softly as she nodded. “Understood.” She tilted her head as she stared at Emily for a moment before she cleared her throat and looked out the door. “Well…” she looked back at Emily and offered a smile. “I should go…I uh…I need to report back to my office.”

Emily nodded. “And I’ll go into surgery soon.”

“Good luck with that.” Y/n huffed a chuckle as she nibbled on her lip. “It was great working with you, Agent Prentiss.”

Emily smiled softly. “You too, Agent Carter. But please call me Emily.”

“Then you must call me y/n.” Y/n smiled.

Emily nodded. “Fair enough.” She grinned. “Well, I definitely owe you a beer or a drink for saving me. I sure hope we see each other again.”

Y/n grinned softly. “It’s a date.” She shrugged. “I’ll call you tomorrow to check on you…and to talk about that beer or drink.” She winked at Emily. “See you around, Emily.”

Before Emily could say anything else, y/n was already out the door. Emily’s eyes widened slightly as y/n’s words kept running in her mind. ‘It’s a date’. A date. Was it a date? Emily was not entirely joking, she did want to buy her a drink for saving her, which she normally wouldn’t have offered, but felt the need to. But she hadn’t meant it as a date, she hadn’t even thought about it and the words just came out of her mouth. Of course, she wouldn’t mind going for a drink.

Y/n was really nice, Emily found herself getting along very easily with her and they fell into a comfortable rhythm to work together, which Emily really appreciated and made it easier to work this case. She also couldn’t deny that y/n was a really beautiful woman; her voice, the way she walked with confidence, the determination and dedication, her beautiful wavy hair, and the way she smiled…woah, Emily! Stop right there. She snapped out of her trance as she heard the nurse walking into the room, suddenly, Emily remembered she was still in the hospital. But even as the nurse took her to the OR and kept talking about how easy and quick the whole thing would be, she couldn’t help but keep y/n in her mind.

********************

A few weeks have passed, and Emily was allowed to go back to work, eager to already leave her apartment and get herself busy with work, even if that meant getting busy with paperwork. Not a day went by without Emily getting a visit from someone from the team, and she was not left alone at all, which of course she appreciated a lot, but she was ready to get back and actually do something herself. As she walked into her office, she stopped in her tracks as she noticed a bouquet of flowers sitting on her desk. Her eyes widened a bit as her brows raised, not really expecting this. As she made her way to the flowers, she picked up the small note that laid between the flowers.

‘Heard you’re back on duty. Welcome back! And please be safe since I’m not there to save you again ;)

-Carter.’

Emily’s breath hitched as she stared at the small note and then back to the flowers, not being able to stop her heart from beating as fast as it was. If she didn’t know better, she’d think that she was just flattered by the flowers, but the way her heart was beating? Yeah, that was not common at all. She nibbled on her lip as she leaned down and smelled the flowers, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips at the beautiful smell. But the moment was interrupted as she heard a knock on her door, startling her and making her turn back fast.

“Emily Prentiss in the house! We missed you here, Em!” Penelope squealed as she walked to Emily. “I made sure that your office stayed clean, and also- oh?” She looked behind Emily and let out a gasp. “Who sent you flowers?!”

Emily looked back at the flowers and then back at Penelope, clearing her throat nervously. “Ah…uh…well…” she walked around her desk and then sat down, putting her bag on the desk, and looking at Penelope. “I don’t really know.”

“There’s no note?! Oh…you got a secret admirer that we don’t know about? Do I have to look into surveillance footage? Because I-“

“Garcia!” Emily interrupted, raising her brow as she offered a smile. “No need for that. And…the flowers are just…there. It’s okay.”

“Huh…” Penelope shrugged as she sighed. “Well, fine. Guess we’ll leave it at that.”

Emily nodded softly and thankfully, Penelope dropped it as she told Emily what she had been missing from the days she was not here. But all Emily could focus on was the flowers sitting at the corner of her desk. She felt a bit guilty because since she had left the hospital, she had meant to call y/n but having a full house, barely having any time for herself, it had been hard to actually get some time for herself. As Penelope kept talking, she looked down at her phone and decided to take a little step.

Emily: Good morning. Just got to my office and found some beautiful flowers sitting at my desk. Do you happen to know anyone named Carter?

Y/n: Oh, not sure. The name sounds familiar but can’t wrap my head around it.

Emily: Well, too bad because I really wanted to thank them. I loved the flowers. Happened to be my favorites too.

Y/n: Huh…this Carter must be very smart and has very good choices. Maybe they wish they could’ve seen your face when you saw them ;)

Emily looked up at Penelope as she felt herself smiling, biting her lip softly as she tried to hide it and try to focus a bit on whatever Penelope was saying. She looked down at her phone as she nodded to what Penelope had said, but half of her attention went back to her phone.

Emily: I was quite surprised, but it was nice to walk into my office to such a beautiful surprise. Thank you, y/n. You really didn’t have to.

Y/n: But I wanted to. No problem. Though I hope this means I’ve finally earned my drink and next text I get is you telling me when I can see you ;)

“Who’s texting you that has you smiling?”

Emily’s eyes widened at Penelope’s voice, and she rapidly looked up at her. “Oh, ah…what?”

Penelope chuckled softly as she raised her brow. “Oh…so you do know the person who sent you the flowers.”

“I- uh…I mean…” Emily sighed loudly and decided to give up. She licked her lips nervously before she cleared her throat. “I do.”

“Who is it?!”

“Oh, I know who those are from.” JJ suddenly showed up at the door, smirking as she noticed the flowers. She walked to them and sat on the other chair beside Penelope.

Emily stared at JJ and bit her tongue, trying to save the comment she had in mind. “JJ…”

“It’s this agent from Field Office we worked with a few weeks ago. Emily and…what was her name? Carter?” JJ smirked softly as she looked at Emily. “They got along so well.”

Emily groaned softly as she closed her eyes and looked down, placing her hands on her forehead. “You gotta be kidding me…”

“OH?!” Penelope looked between JJ and Emily, already getting excited.

“Don’t get too excited, Garcia.” Emily chuckled softly as she sighed, nibbling on her lip for a moment.

“What you mean not to get excited? Our girl found herself a girl! How can I- oh. Oh. No. Emily Prentiss, you’re not doing that.” Penelope suddenly snapped, raising her brow. JJ only chuckled softly as she covered her mouth.

Emily furrowed her brows as she shook her head. “Uh…what?”

“I know that look on your face. Just because you’re the chief, doesn’t mean you cannot have a life outside this building. And if this girl is persistent, I don’t see why not! Do you find her attractive?”

Emily stared at her, and she took a deep breath, averting her eyes for a moment as she tried to find the right words to explain the situation. “I just…” She sighed. “Yes, I find her attractive. I don’t know her very well but she’s…really nice.” She smiled a little as she looked back at the flowers.

JJ grinned softly as she looked at Penelope. “Someone has a little crush.” She teased.

Penelope nodded rapidly as she smiled and turned to look at Emily. “Em, c’mon. Call her!”

“Well…she has tried. We text and…I might’ve suggested that I owed her a drink and that has not happened yet…” Emily said the last few words almost in a whisper, a shy smile on her face.

“Oh, because she left out the fact that Carter saved Emily after she got shot.” JJ grinned.

“She did?! We need to worship her! Cute and a knight?! You definitely gotta call her and invite her out.”

Emily groaned softly as she shook her head. “I don’t know, I mean…what if she’s just being nice? What if she’s just…I don’t know…feel like she has to- hey! Give me back my phone!” She tried to stop Penelope from grabbing her phone, but she was too late.

Penelope gasped as she went through Emily’s phone. “‘Hope this means I’ve finally earned my drink and next text I get is you telling me when I can see you’?!” She looked at Emily and her jaw dropped, a chuckle leaving her lips. “Emily! It’s obvious she’s into you!”

“Why someone like her would be interested in me?”

“Oh, c’mon, Em. Anyone would be so lucky to have you, and I’m pretty sure she knows that.”

“And have you seen yourself in the mirror, babes? Please!”

Emily laughed softly, nibbling on her lip as she looked back at the flowers. She sighed softly. “I just…I’m not sure she would want to deal with me.”

“I’m gonna stop you right there, Prentiss. You are allowed to have a life outside this building.” JJ said as she looked at Emily, tilting her head as she stared at her, offering a small smile. “C’mon, Emily. What could possibly happen if you accept one drink?”

“That’s what I’ve been telling her!” Penelope whispered/yelled.

Emily stared at both of them, groaning softly as she shook her head and licked her lips. She extended her arm and grinned a little. “Give me back my phone.”

Penelope squealed as she handed back the phone. “Chief Emily Prentiss got herself a date.”

Emily chuckled softly as she shook her head, looking down at her phone as she nibbled on her lip.

Emily: How does Friday sound? 8 pm?

Emily waited anxiously for a reply, feeling JJ and Penelope’s eyes on her. It would only be fair if she took her time to answer, of course, Emily had taken her time replying back and-

Y/n: Friday sounds perfect. Would you mind sending me your address so I can pick you up?

Emily: Sure, I will :)

Y/n: Perfect. See you on Friday, agent Prentiss. Can’t wait ;)

Emily bit her lip softly as she read the message over and over again.

Emily: See you on Friday, agent Carter. Can’t wait either.

Emily looked up at JJ and Penelope, smiling widely as she nodded. Both women clapped and cheered for her, making Emily laugh. A drink won’t hurt…

********************

This has never actually happened to her, she was going a bit crazy on how she kept pacing around her room and how she just kept getting clothes out of her closet; she had gone through at least three dresses now, and she still didn’t find the right one. It was just drinks. A date, yes. But drinks. With a beautiful woman…she was losing her mind. Since when did she get this nervous? It wasn’t exactly her first date, but she hasn’t been really open about dating in a long time, mostly because the job had taken a lot of her time, and she had made up her mind that she didn’t exactly had time to date. But y/n knew the job, she was part of the FBI too. Was she getting ahead of herself? Thinking about y/n this much? She had not been able to stop since that day at the hospital. How could she? When she had the most beautiful smile she has ever seen and-

A sound suddenly startled Emily, snapping out of her trance when she figured out that y/n was already here. She cursed under her breath as she grabbed her heels and purse, deciding at that moment that the dress she was wearing was good enough. The moment the door of the elevator closed, she took a deep breath, trying to stop her beating heart. How was it possible that she felt so nervous? How come y/n made her feel like this, and they barely knew each other? She took a deep breath and then let it out as she walked out of the elevator. Y/n was leaning over the car, looking around as people passed in front of her, fidgeting with the bouquet of flowers she had in her hand, and then, as she turned, her eyes landed on the raven-haired woman, her breath hitching as she composed her posture, smiling softly as Emily walked to her. She couldn’t help the way her eyes darted down over her body; she was wearing a sleek, form-fitting red dress that hugged her curves in all the right places, and her hair was styled in perfect waves. She was stunning…

Y/n cleared her throat as Emily stood in front of her. “H-Hi.” She smiled softly.

“Hi.” Emily said softly, smiling as she noticed y/n’s nervousness. “Are those for me?” She grinned softly.

Y/n raised her brow before she looked down at the flowers. “Oh! Yes.” She huffed a chuckle as she handed Emily the flowers. “Sorry I…you just…” She looked back up into Emily’s eyes, smiling softly. “You looked gorgeous.” She said softly.

Emily felt her cheeks heating up as she stared at y/n, smiling softly as she accepted the flowers and tried to hide her blush by smelling the flowers. “Thank you.” She looked back up at her. “And…you look beautiful.”

Y/n grinned softly. “Thank you. I dress up once in a while.” She said playfully as she stepped aside and opened the door for Emily. “Your carriage, m’lady.”

Emily couldn’t help but laugh softly as she grinned, raising her brow. “Such a gentlewoman.”

“I’d like to think so, yes.” Y/n chuckled as she closed the door once Emily got in the car. She then walked to the pilot seat and got in the car as well, taking a deep breath before she closed the door.

At the beginning of the ride, both women were silent, both too nervous and shy to even say a word until a song started playing and both started singing to it. Both started laughing at the same time, and from then, the conversation kept going. Soon enough, Emily noticed that they had arrived at a restaurant, which surprised her a bit but also felt her heart flutter. As they sat down at the table, they both fell into a very comfortable conversation, work was out of the topic the whole night. Y/n couldn’t help but stare at Emily the whole time she spoke, finding it incredibly cute how she talked about random stuff, and she looked so passionate about it, loving how Emily seemed too different from Chief Emily Prentiss; she definitely loved her smile and laugh, and she wanted to keep seeing it and hearing it.

“So…” Emily grinned softly as she raised her brow. “This was a whole dinner…with drinks.”

Y/n hummed. “Yes.” She grinned.

“I thought I said I’d buy you a drink.” Emily tilted her head, her tone playful but also wondering what y/n had really planned.

“Well…I know you’re the one who set the day and time. But…I thought maybe this first date could be my treat.” Y/n stared into her eyes, smiling shyly as she nibbled on her lip.

“Which means that I still owe you a drink, and we’ll see each other again.” Emily nodded as she chuckled.

“Smart plan, isn’t it?” Y/n raised her brows playfully. “Is this you telling me that my plan completely failed, and you don’t wanna see me again?”  

Emily stared into her eyes, not saying a word for a moment. A smiled tugged at the corner of her lips as she thought about it, she definitely wanted to see her again…there was no denial about it. “It’s me telling you that next date, is on me.”

Y/n’a heart started beating faster at Emily’s words, her smile widening as she nodded, trying to hide the fact that she felt very excited. “I’ll hold you to that.”

After ordering dessert to share, they headed back to Emily’s apartment, silence surrounding them, but it was not awkward or uncomfortable anymore, both had smiles on their faces. As y/n parked, she got out of the car and went ahead to open the door for Emily, offering her hand for her to take. Emily chuckled softly and took it, stepping out of the car with the flowers in hand. She stood in front of y/n and stared into her eyes, smiling softly at her.

“Thank you for tonight. It was…really nice actually.” Emily said softly, not letting go of her hand.

“Of course. It was definitely nice.” Y/n smiled softly. “So…text me when you free?”

Emily nodded. “Definitely.” She smiled softly before she leaned in and kissed her cheek softly. “See you soon, Carter.” She said as she started walking away.

Y/n felt butterflies in her whole body, smiling like an idiot as she watched Emily walking away. “See you soon, Prentiss.” She breathed out.

Emily watched over her shoulder and gave her one last smile before she walked into the building. She knew JJ and Penelope wouldn’t let her sleep on this, and they would tease her endlessly, because at the end of the day, they were right. She was happy that she had said yes. But at the same time, she couldn’t help but wonder if this would actually be something else. It had been a very long time since Emily had actually thought about dating someone, about wanting to be with someone, but the truth was that she couldn’t help but do so with y/n.

********************

“Well, then I did everything wrong.” Emily groaned as she ran her fingers through her hair, waiting for Rossi to say anything at all -once his laughter died-.

“I’m sorry to tell you that you’ll have to start over. Follow the rules, Emily. The rules.” Rossi laughed before he hung up.

Emily looked at her phone and cursed under her breath, putting back her phone on the counter and walking to the stove, groaning softly as she thought about starting all over again. And then a knock on the door made her realize that it was already late, looking down at her watch and sighing. She walked to the door and opened it with a shy smile on her face, her face soon enough softening as she stared at y/n. A box in one of her hands and another, flowers…God, y/n would literally give her a whole garden if she could.

“Hello pretty girl.” Y/n smiled softly. “Since you told me you wanted to stay tonight…I thought I’d bring dessert.”

Emily smiled softly as she scoffed. “Well, I’m afraid to tell you that we will have to order take out.” She stepped aside to let y/n walk in.

Y/n furrowed her brows as she walked in and the first thing she did was turn to Emily’s kitchen, raising her brow as she saw the mess on the kitchen island. “I…take it that you wanted to make dinner for us?”

Emily nodded as she sighed. “And failed.” She looked at y/n as she bit her lip softly. “I’m sorry.”

Y/n smiled as she walked to the kitchen island and placed the box and flowers on it, turning to look at Emily. “What if we do it together?”

Emily furrowed her brows. “What? You don’t…you don’t feel…I don’t know, disappointed?”

Y/n tilted her head. “Disappointed? Em…” She took her hands and brought them to her lips, kissing the back of her hands. “You tried. And the thought is very sweet. And…” She shrugged. “What a better date than getting to cook with you?”

Emily felt her heart fluttering as she stared into her eyes, a smile spreading across her face. “That…sounds good.”

“I gotta admit that I’m better at dessert, but…we’ll try out best.” Y/n grinned as she pulled Emily with her.

Not too long after, the kitchen was surrounded with laughter, both women having the time of their lives as they tried Rossi’s recipe once again, but this time, Emily wasn’t even worried about or stressed. She enjoyed the fact that she could laugh and have fun with y/n while trying their best attempt to get the recipe right this time. Emily couldn’t help but smile as she stirred the sauce and y/n wrapped her arms around her waist, resting her chin against her shoulder as she watched the sauce, and teased Emily saying that she already looked like a top chef. After they were done in the kitchen, they went ahead and sat down at the dining table.

“I think Rossi would be proud of us.” Emily nodded as she took another bite off her plate.

Y/n nodded as she hummed. “It’s so good, I might ask him to give me some lessons because I don’t want any other pasta in my life.”

Emily laughed softly as she stared at y/n. She stared at her for a moment as she smiled, licking her lips softly. “I’m sorry if tonight didn’t go as planned. I really wanted to surprise you with dinner.”

Y/n looked up at Emily and raised her brows. “Are you kidding? This was way better than I expected. I had so much fun. And I just…loved seeing you happy and smiling like that.” She smiled softly as she tilted her head. “The best date I’ve had.”

Emily blushed slightly as she nodded, taking her glass, and taking a sip of it. “Good.” She tried to hide her smile behind her glass.

Y/n smiled softly and went back to the pasta. She then grinned softly and grabbed a single spaghetti, only putting the end of it in her mouth and turning to Emily. “What do you say if we do the lady and the tramp scene?” She raised her brows.

Emily furrowed her brows but couldn’t help laughing as she looked at y/n, the spaghetti hanging from her mouth. And yet, she didn’t think twice before she grabbed the other end and put it in her mouth, starting to eat it. Soon enough, their faces were inches apart from each other, eyes locked, they stared at each other for a while, not moving an inch. Emily was the one who broke the spaghetti and leaned in to press her lips against y/n’s. Y/n’s breath hitched, her eyes instantly closing and placing her hand on Emily’s cheek, trying to keep her in place as she kissed her back. The position was a bit awkward, the table coming in between them, but they didn’t mind it much as they continued the tender kiss. Emily was the one to break the kiss, taking a deep shaky breath as she opened her eyes, staring back into y/n’s who was already looking at her, a silly smile on her face.

“And you still doubt that this is the best date?” Y/n teased as she bit her lip.

Emily ran her tongue over her tingling lips, chuckling softly at her teasing. “Couldn’t help it when you were being all cute.”

“You mean stupid.” Y/n chuckled.

Emily shook her head, her hand holding y/n’s and bringing it to her lips. “Not stupid at all.” She grinned softly. “What do you say we skip to dessert?”

Y/n smiled. “Let me just tell you that it’s the first time I make this sort of cake and- oh. Wait.” Her smile then turned into a smirk. “You don’t mean that dessert.”

Emily shook her head as she bit her lip. “No.”

Y/n grinned. “I like your idea of dessert better.”

Emily chuckled softly before she stood up and pulled y/n with her to her room. Needless to say, the other dessert was completely forgotten.

********************

Emily shook her head as she tried to ignore the fact that her phone kept vibrating in her pocket, trying to focus on the task she had right in front of her, but her mind drifting away every now and then. She felt guilty, to say the least. After that night in her apartment, Emily had become so busy with work that she had her schedule pretty much full, but that was not all of it. In a night accompanied by her overthinking, Emily couldn’t help but think that maybe she was not what y/n needed. They hadn’t really talked about where this was going, but Emily could feel that once she gave in, things would start to crumble. That’s how it always was. She was not exactly made for relationships, because she always messed up.

She hasn’t meant to ignore y/n’s texts or calls, she did answer…every now and then. But she didn’t know how to put into words that she didn’t think things would work, and not because she couldn’t just say it, but because she knew that sort of her didn’t mean it. She liked y/n. Hell, she could swear with her life that she was starting to fall, but it was too good to be truth. She barely had any good things in her life aside from her team. But y/n was too good to be truth. She was so sweet and kind, she was beautiful and so…incredibly hot. She had never met anyone like y/n, which scared her. Sleeping with her had not exactly been in her plan for that night, but she hadn’t been able to control herself. And boy, she did not regret it. Which is why she felt even more guilty, thinking that she gave y/n the idea that she just wanted to get her in bed, and that was it.

Emily looked up at her door when she heard a knock, and then went back to her file as she told them to come in. As she heard the door closing again, she looked up and she froze for a moment, her heart stopping as her eyes connected with y/n’s. She noticed the serious look on her face, and it made Emily’s body shiver and not in a good way.

“Y/n…what are you doing here?” Emily said softly, trying not to sound harsh.

“You were not answering my calls…or texts. I thought maybe paying you a visit wouldn’t hurt.” Y/n said softly as she sighed. “Emily…did I do or say something wrong?”

Emily furrowed her brows. “What?”

Y/n shrugged. “It’s…it’s been three weeks. Since we were together. You said you’d call, and I know you’ve been busy. But you just…entirely ignored me.” She shook her head as she looked at Emily. “Did I do something wrong?”

Emily groaned softly as she scratched her head, nibbling on her lip as she tried to think what to say. “Y/n…I didn’t mean to do that. I just…I’ve been busy.”

“You can save that excuse, Emily.” Y/n snapped. She sighed and looked away for a moment, licking her lips nervously. “Look…” y/n looked back at Emily as she crossed her arms over her chest. “If…you don’t want us to go out anymore, I get it. But please just…be honest with me, and don’t leave me hanging and waiting for you.”

Emily felt a pang of guilt as she stared at her, standing up from her desk and walking over to y/n. “Y/n…”

“I get it that I’m a bit…silly. You can call me weird if you want. But I just…” y/n huffed a chuckle as she looked down at her hands. “I never…felt more comfortable to be myself…without having to worry if it’d be too much or not.” She looked back at Emily as she shrugged. “And you…you made me feel safe to do that. I’m sorry if it was too much.”

“Gosh, no!” Emily shook her head as she grabbed y/n’s hands in hers. “I…” She sighed. “You’re amazing. You’re…so cute and sweet. I never thought that you were too much or weird or silly. You make me smile more than anyone.” She smiled softly. “I was an idiot for just dropping you like this.”

“Why did you do it then?”

“Because…” Emily looked into her eyes as she frowned. “…it seemed too good to be truth. And when that happens…it normally doesn’t end well at all.”

Y/n furrowed her brows. “Emily…”

“Since the very beginning. The way you acted with me, the way you smiled and looked at me, how easily you made me laugh and just feel…happy. It all seemed too good to be truth. And that scared me.” Emily said softly, afraid that if she spoke louder, her voice would waver. “I just…I was afraid that if I gave in to this happiness, it would soon end. I’ve…been hurt before. I feel like I’m not actually made for relationships.” She chuckled sadly.

Y/n tilted her head as she took a step closer to Emily, letting go of one of her hands and placing it on Emily’s cheek. “Em…I would never hurt you. Didn’t you hear what I said? I had never felt more happy or safe with anyone else. And I…want you.” She smiled softly.

“You do?” Emily whispered softly.

Y/n nodded. “I do.”

“With…flaws, traumas, and everything?” Emily smiled sadly.

Y/n chuckled softly as she nodded. “Everything.” She let go of Emily’s other hand and placed it on her waist, pulling her closer to her, leaving a small space between their bodies. She then rested her forehead against Emily’s and smiled a little. “Take a chance on me, Em…please.” 

Emily chuckled softly, closing her eyes for a moment to relish this moment. She placed her hands on y/n’s neck, smiling softly. “Yes.”

Y/n smiled widely. “Yes?”

Emily nodded. “Yes.” She looked into her eyes, studying y/n’s face as she smiled. “I want us to date.”

Y/n chuckled softly, trying to hide the happiness she felt but knew it was useless. She wrapped her arms around Emily’s waist and brought their lips together into a sweet, gentle kiss, missing the feeling of Emily’s lips against hers. Emily smiled against her lips before she kissed her back, wrapping her arms around her neck to bring her closer, while y/n’s hand went up her back, rubbing it softly as they kissed.

Emily broke the kiss but stayed close to y/n, pecking her lips before she smiled. “You were thinking about the Abba song, weren’t you?” She said playfully as she looked into her eyes.

“I was ready to get my Rosie act, and sing like her.” Y/n grinned as she leaned in and kissed Emily’s jawline, tracing her kisses down her neck.

“Of course.” Emily chuckled softly, biting her lip as she tilted her head to give y/n more access.

“Emily, I have- oh my god.” Garcia stopped in her tracks as she stared at both women, her eyes wide at the scene in front of her. “I’m…sorry. Didn’t know you had company.

Emily jumped slightly, making y/n turn back to look at Garcia, both their eyes slightly widened. “That’s why you knock first.”

“I did, but guess you were too distracted here.” Garcia raised her brow. “You must be the famous Carter.”

Y/n looked back at Emily and then at Garcia, extending her hand to shake Garcia’s. “You can call me y/n. Or Carter is fine too.” She chuckled.

Emily smiled softly as she looked between y/n and Garcia, and then her eyes stayed on Garcia. “She’s my girlfriend.”

Garcia looked at her with wide eyes and her jaw dropped as she stared at both of them. She then squealed and chuckled softly. “I knew this would get somewhere! I called it! I’m so happy for you.” She then gasped. “Oh my god, new addition to girls' night. It’s gonna be amazing!”

Emily chuckled softly. “Garcia…you came to give me something?”

Garcia nodded. “Right, here, the reports you asked for.” She handed her a file and then smiled. “I’ll just leave you two lovebirds alone.” She chuckled softly and then stopped before she closed the door. “By the way, you’re so charming and sweet, the flowers? On my knees for you two. Nice to meet you, new friend.” She giggled before she left the office, running to JJ’s desk.

Y/n chuckled softly as she turned to look at Emily. “Girlfriend, huh?” She grinned.

Emily smirked. “Isn’t that what we agreed on just now?”

“Yeah.” Y/n pulled her closer again, wrapping her arms around her. “It’s just nice to hear it.”

“It’s nice to say it.” Emily smiled softly before she leaned in and kissed her lips again.

[myslutwritings]

Hello? Ah, I think I put my requests in the wrong area, I got confused and put them in 'Submit A Post' instead! My apologise, Ahem! I shall repeat one of my requsts here. If it's not much of a bother....So, my first request was how would the upper moons (Plus Hantengu clones) react to an S/O who is allergic to the sun? Like they have Solar Urticaria which gives them, and I quote here, 'causes an itchy rash or hives that appear on any skin that has been exposed to the sun' and it hurts them a lot

➤ Uppermoons with a S/O who suffers from Solar Urticaria

➤ SFW headcanons

including: Muzan, Kokushibo, Douma, Akaza, and Hantengu clones

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(not proof read)

Muzan

Your first mistake was giving a chance to the demon king himself and your second was keeping this little illness of yours a secret.

Literally your explanation behind for not being honest about your situation is mostly because you’re scared shitless of this man half of the time..

Because you’re a human and Muzan’s adored S/O he does also have high expectations for you when it comes to looking for the blue spider lily.

You’re human, walking in broad daylight shouldn’t be an issue? He sees no problem whatsoever! This will benefit him after all.

So, when you’re hesitant to walk outside the man grows immensely confused?

First of, how dare you disobey him and what are you not telling him?

There is absolutely no reason to keep it hidden because sooner or later Muzan will find out eventually so what’s the point? He isn’t an idiot.

Just the main explanation he didn’t notice at first is because he was focusing on more important matters. He’s an extremely busy man after all.

Soon, you inform him of your ginormous problem.

May feel a tad bit guilty for not noticing at first and on his end it’s embarrassing for coming off so dense.

Your condition is not that entirely different to a demons.

Anyway, congratulations, you just gave him the perfect opportunity to turn you into a demon.

Probably won’t be too happy if you refuse.. Muzan hates when those disagree with him because this man has the mentality that he’s always correct despite his tactics being morally wrong..

Kokushibo

Kokushibo is an introverted, an expressionless, and quite eerie demon. But do not let that fool you for him being a brainless fool.

Koku happens to be very observant.

Cares for you strongly despite his severe lack of affection. He always has a sharp eye on you.

So it doesn’t take him too terribly long to take notice of your avoidance to the sunlight.

Yeah, now he’s going ti be curious.

But instead of immediately asking you first, instead he’ll observe you from afar to find out for himself, analyzing your every move, waiting for your darkest secrets to spill at any given moment.

His plan was a complete fiasco because in turn he found out nothing. Only came off as a creepy stalker.

He may become frustrated, give up and just demand answers from you himself. Wont even ask, just will straight up demand you to tell him everything.

No point in lying about it because he isn’t idiotic.

Kokushibos reaction whenever you inform him of your allergy will be somewhat similar to Muzan’s.

Offers to transform you into a demon because it isn’t like they’ll be a striking difference, you know?

However, Kokushibo is shockingly not the type to force you into demonic nature if you’re against losing your humanity.

He may view your reason as dumb and “typical human behavior” but it’s safe to say that he’ll still love you and won’t turn you without your consent or knowledge.

Instead, Kokushibo will help you deal with your allergy in other ways which are actually beneficial.

Douma

Takes awhile to notice, out of all the uppermoons he’s the most dense, especially with inability to feel proper emotions.

With his consistent work he has to perform in the cult he has very little time with you in general.

But whenever he shares those little moments with you he savors them. It’s his only escape from the cult he unknowingly despises so much.

Douma is another observer, but in the most creepiest way possible. Makes it known that he’s a full-on stalker.

One thing he will immediately notice is that you’re repulsed by the sun. You even prefer colder weather and only ever exit the temple in the dead of night!

How cute, you’re the most demonic human he’s ever met!

Douma isn’t too fascinated by it at first nor does he care until he finds himself frequently fantasizing about it all the time.

As the thoughts nag on, Douma just kindly asks you himself.

Ah, so you’re basically allergic to the sun? Haha! how eccentric.

Cue the horrendous jokes, an increase in teasing.

Deep down, an unknown part of him is surprisingly worried about you. But of course he’ll pretend he’s not. After all, these emotions are foreign to him and he ain’t too fond of this paranoia he’s experiencing which only grows stronger.

You are Douma’s beloved S/O, his prized possession!

And like the others this menace will offer you to give up your humanity and join the demons to hopefully rise to the upper ranks.

I mean, you’re no different from a demon! Douma sees absolutely no problem with this!

This is his own special little way of him ‘helping’ you.

Besides, he does desire for you to be at his side for all eternity!

If you accept his offer, he’s beyond thrilled, overwhelmed with joy.

If you decline, Douma is visibly disappointed..not satisfied. Isn’t too fond of this feeling he’s experiencing the moment you reject his kind offer.

Very well, be that way. His feelings for you won’t change! However, so expect him to be extra overprotective. He makes sure to keep you away from the outdoors and the two of you only visit the great outdoors when the sun is down.

Akaza

Akaza is already overprotective enough as it is. Once he finds out of your condition his overprotective behavior will only increase.

There was a time where you did take a step outside on a warm summer day and immediately you break out. You feel lightheaded, break out in wrenched rashes, your delicate skin grows irritated, you look like Nezuko burning in the sunlight minus the flames.

Panicked boyfriend mode=activated.

Immediately, you and Akaza retrieve indoors. Demons and their speed. You didn’t even notice you were picked up and brought to safety until you were surrounded by the interior of your lovely home.

Akaza is astonishingly experienced when it comes to treating others who are ill or have conditions. No, he’s not a doctor. Akaza just knows how by heart.

Now, he doesn’t know everything. But he knows enough to make you feel better and not break out again!

As he treats your pruritus and erythema, Akaza keeps in mind to be very gentle with you. Even if you possess a high pain tolerance Akaza will ALWAYS be benign when it involves his lovely partner.

Poor baby is still shaken up, therefore his hands are having a mild seizure as he treats you.

Moving on, after that unfortunate incident your boyfriend has a couple questions for what the actual fuck just occurred today

He’s a commutative partner and is a bit disappointed you didn’t inform him prior.

Akaza won’t be mad forever though. He just loves you too much to stay mad at you so therefore your apology if accepted.

However, please tell him things next time. You aren’t aware of how much they really matter to him.

Yes, he as well is a cold hearted demon but at least he has a heart. Unlike his subordinates who have an insatiable hunger for human flesh like yours.

Akaza is able to control himself, possess morals to this day, no matter what happens he is always going to care about you and will take care of you whenever it’s needed!

Hantengu Clones

Sekido

He found out about your condition by accident on one unfortunate day.

Springs into action by dragging your ass back indoors and treating your delicate skin which reacted as the sun made contact with it.

However, afterwards he puts off his caring act and grows increasingly frustrated and concerned.

He only expresses anger so fuck the concerned bit. Doesn’t even admit it. But you can tell he’s worried for you in a.. angry way?

Sekido’s temper only rises the moment he realized you kept this a secret from him.

You two have been together for how long? Yet you still keep secrets? why? Do you not trust him?

Immediately assumes the worse of the worst and lashes out at you.

Yeah, he isn’t too happy and being understanding isn’t his strong suit either.

Communication has always been a problem for him.

He is mostly just lashing out because deep down he’s hurt you didn’t tell him.

Sekido is terrifyingly protective over you so there is yet again another reason he’s pissed off you never told him of your Urticaria prior.

Doesn’t want you hurt physically or emotionally in anyway.

He’s hurting you right now emotionally thought but literally screaming at you-

Moving on, you finally manage to calm this angry bastard down.

He doesn’t know a lot of your condition so you elaborate it to him.

Honestly, he understands, especially being a demon and all. Y’all are basically similar.

Sekido finally calms down the further you explain.

He loves you so he’s understanding. Be sure to stay telling him things though please😔😔

Aizetsu

As y’all’s relationship began, you inform Aizetsu of your condition, knowing well it’s important for him to know of this due to him being your beloved boyfriend.

Aizetu’s brain stops out of sheer panic.

I swear, he’s always so worried about you in general! Now it’s only increasing!

Pities you.

What a pity that you’re a mere human and can’t even set foot outside and feel the warm sunlight on your face..

He honestly makes you feel worse about it which is a red flag in your opinion.

Like hello?? you just need him to understand. You don’t need all that pity nonsense!

You just simply explain to him how that doesn’t help and it only causes him to feel more horrible.

Fortunately for you though, he apologizes.

Becomes even more protective of you then he already is.

Thankfully you never had an incident because you take good care of yourself.

Aizetsu also keeps a sharp eye on you even though you don’t need it.

Like Sekido, he relates to you.

Lowkey craves for you to become a demon like him.

But at the same time he doesn’t want you to lose your humanity because he knows that’s very important to you. Plus, it would upset you. Aizetsu despises seeing you upset.

Karaku

To put it bluntly, Karaku may come off as a horrendous dumbass and menace but he isn’t actually an idiot.

Knows what’s going on, what he’s doing, he isn’t exactly dense nor misunderstanding. Especially when it comes to his precious S/O.

So whenever you inform him of your condition, explain to him what it means, etc. He confesses he already knew something was up prior but waited for you to tell him yourself.

Karaku is honestly happy to know that at least you two can relate with the whole sun dilemma.

He even teases you about it here and there. I mean, he’s a demon so what do you expect?

Earns a slap in the face if he ever taunts you or teases you.

Ok, ok, for your sake he’ll stop with the immature jokes. 🙄

Karaku is highly aware on how your little condition upsets you and how you deeply desire to feel the warm sunlight beaming down onto your delicate skin without having this troubling condition.

He is always there for you to cheer you up whenever you get insecure about it!

Even becomes even more protective of you.

He knows damn well you aren’t stupid enough to walk outside on purpose but he still loves the feeling of looking out for you and being there for you.

He’s cocky about it too.

Karaku always reminds you that he still loves you despite your condition. He knows how insecure you are about it and you always overthink that he’ll get bored of you and leave which isn’t the case. He loves you for you! Even though he teases you like hell.

Urogi

Similar to Karaku, this mf is cocky as hell about it.

Says shit like; “Damn really? Guess we have more in common than i thought baby.”

He’s so goofy. A silly lil demon. 💀💀

Also one positive wack. Attempts to help you develop a slightly more positive mindset. He knows how negative you can get due to your condition which you have a burning hatred for.

Deep down, he’s lowkey a upset for you, he wishes you and him could walk under the sun together. But covers it up with his happy facade.

Reminds you that you’re like him and that he doesn’t see the problem. I mean, he still loves you and has even more in common with you!

He tries his very gosh-darn hardest to make you feel better about it.

Since you cannot appreciate the sun, Urogi and you go out in the evening and have wholesome small dates!

Unfortunately, y’all can’t really go into town cause of his demonic form

BUTTTT you both have picnic dates under the moonlight. He finds a way to make you appreciate the night/the moonlight instead of sun.

Constantly reassures you that it’ll be alright!

Urogi will also pick you up and flies you around on his back to have fun!

Now for the semi-red flags: He has the strong habit of teasing you. Not intentionally because he enjoys hurting you or anything.. He just assumes ahead of time that it’ll make you feel a tad bit better!

Is always on a mission to witness you at least crack a smile at his childish humor.

By the way, his teasing doesn’t benefit you in the slightest..

If you’re okay with his jokes and are able to joke with him then you two just bond over that and you soon get over your insecurities.

However, if you cannot handle it and are sensitive, which is completely valid in your case. Urogi will tone it done and search for other solutions to help you out!

But he does sometimes find it amusing when you proceed to call the sun ‘evil’ and hide from it when you’re in a bad mood..

Yeah the sun is evil. Bro agrees with you. 😡😡

Omg, sorry this took so long to finish! I hope i wrote these headcanons met your expectations and i hope you enjoyed reading them:) bye-bye! (also this ain’t proof-read so sry if there are any typos)

[livwritesstuff]

uh so i was feeling like writing something angsty and ever since i wrote this a little bit ago i can’t stop thinking about the idea of what the upside down coming back decades later would look like, however it’s a bummer and not the vibe i want for my steddie!dads verse so consider this an au for an au or whatever idk

It’s a normal, average, mundane, regular Wednesday when Dustin calls.

They don’t talk as much as they used to, but that’s adult life, Steve supposes. 

They both have entire lives now, spouses and children and jobs that consume pretty much every waking hour. The near-1000 miles that separates Steve and Eddie in Massachusetts from Dustin in Indiana doesn’t help things either, and seeing as how Dustin had long-since inherited the Hawkins Lab research from Owens when he retired back in the mid-2000s, that won’t be changing any time soon.

Steve is home when Dustin calls, and between counseling clients, so when the phone rings and lights up with his name, Steve picks it up with a grin.

“Hey man, what’s goin’ on!”

Nothing but silence comes through Dustin’s end for a while – such a long time that Steve checks to make sure that the call didn’t drop or his phone didn’t die or something (and neither had happened, so it’s definitely a Dustin thing).

“Dustin?” he asks, “You there?”

Silence, still.

Then –

“Steve.”

Dustin sounds…not normal, and Steve feels the grin slide off his face.

“What?”

“Steve,” he chokes, “It’s…it’s back.”

Steve feels his heart stop for a second, feels it like all the blood in his veins came to an abrupt halt for just a moment.

“The Upside Down,” Dustin continues, “It…all of…it’s back.”

He sounds like he’s underwater, or maybe Steve’s the one sinking beneath the surface, just like he’d done forty years ago when he’d taken Dustin’s place on that boat and got dragged into hell through the depths of Lover’s Lake.

Steve hangs up the phone, his hands shaking.

His knees feel shaky too, like they can’t support his weight anymore despite doing so for nearly sixty years.

They’ve been giving him problems lately – his knees. Nothing too crazy; he can still go on his runs and putter around the yard and all that. It’s just a part of aging, he supposes, and he hadn’t minded aging before – liked it, even. Liked his greying hair and the crow’s feet around his eyes and his achy knees, because there’d been a period of time many years ago when he wasn’t sure he’d make it long enough to experience that inevitability of life.

Right this second though, he hates it, hates the way it makes him realize he’s not as nimble as he used to be, the way his reaction time isn’t the same anymore, because he knows that’s what had gotten him through those horrible years back in the mid-eighties.

He lowers himself down, and as his ass hits the tile floor of the bathroom – his daughters’ bathroom, the one they’ve shared practically their whole lives, the one Moe lost her first tooth in, the one Robbie pierced her own ears in, the one Hazel will be getting ready for prom in soon – Dustin calls him again.Steve doesn’t pick up, too busy kicking himself for not considering sooner the possibility of this sooner, for not having a plan ready to execute to keep their daughters safe the way no adult had done for him.

He can feel an old instinct – the urge to gather his loved ones close – starting to kick in, his mind starting to race as he catalogs the people who make up his small corner of the world. 

Hazel is easy – she’s at the high school just down the road. He can have her back home, back within arm’s reach, in a matter of minutes.

Robin and Nancy are next closest, still living in Boston after all these years. Steve would wager a guess that they’ll be hearing from Dustin soon if they haven’t already, and then they’ll probably head Steve and Eddie’s way, and then they’ll all regroup. 

They’ll figure out what their next moves are.

Moe and Robbie are trickier with both of them living in New York City and likely unwilling to leave their school and their jobs and their friends without any warning whatsoever. Moe is getting more and more reasonable the older she gets, so Steve may have to start with her and hope that Robbie follows.

Moe is twenty-two now. 

Moe is older than both of her dads had been when Eddie had nearly died, when Steve had carried him out of hell and made sure he didn’t. All three of their daughters – even seventeen-year-old Hazel – are older than Steve had been when he got sucked into that horrible mess, and they’re still so damn young. 

With two decades of parenting under his belt, he finds it kind of unbelievable that anybody had looked at his sixteen-year-old face and seen anything but a child, nevermind actually asked him to do the things that he’d done.

Dustin calls him two more times before he gives up. Only a moment later, Steve hears Eddie’s phone ring downstairs, and then he hears Eddie’s jovial tone as he answers the call. 

He goes quiet real quick after that.

Just as Steve is deciding who to call first – Hazel’s school or Moe – his phone vibrates, two quick buzzes that can only indicate a text from Robin.

He opens it.

did dustin call you?

Steve lets out a heavy breath because, fuck, it’s real.

Yeah, he texts back, then adds –

This fucking sucks

40 years

As Steve watches the bubbles of Robin’s incoming response, he can vaguely hear Eddie’s ascent of the stairs, still on the phone with Dustin. 

The bubbles disappear.

“Fuck you, Dustin,” he hears Eddie snarl, “This is on you.” There’s silence for a while, and Eddie seems to pause in the hallway just in front of their bedroom door. Then, “Yeah, I’ll talk to him…I know…later, man. Love you. Be safe.”

Steve looks down at his phone to see that Robin is still typing, only for the bubbles to disappear again a second later.

Finally –

nance is going back

i’m going with her

Steve could throw up.

He almost does, he’s pretty sure, although he’s not positive because he might be having an out of body experience, or maybe he’s dissociating, or maybe it’s a fucking PTSD flashback or something. He doesn’t know.

He should know, or so his handful of psych degrees would suggest, and he probably would know if it was happening to someone else, but then again, he’s always worn blinders when it comes to himself.

That was true about him when all this shit started in 1983, and it’s still true now, almost forty years later.

Forty fucking years.

He doesn’t look up when Eddie comes into the bathroom, joining him on the floor with his back against the bathtub.

“Dustin took offense to you hanging up on him,” he says, and Steve can hear the way he’s forcing humor into his tone.

As if any of this shit is funny.

“Erica and the kids left with Claudia,” Eddie continues, answering a question Steve probably would’ve gotten around to asking Dustin himself if it weren’t for the whole hanging up on him thing, “Erica went kicking and screaming, obviously. I offered up our house, but they’re still deciding where they want to camp out. And everyone has agreed not to say a word to Jim and Joyce.”

Yeah, that makes sense, seeing as they’re both in their eighties and perpetually acting like they’re thirty years younger – at a minimum.

Not that Steve would know anything about that.

Definitely not.

“He said he’s one-hundred percent positive that it’s all still contained to Hawkins, so…” Eddie pauses, “We don’t have to, like, track down the girls or anything. Just make sure they don’t go anywhere near Indiana.”

And that, at least, is an actual relief.

“Robin’s going back,” Steve tells him, because there’s no point waiting to address that particular issue in this whole fucking mess.

The so I’m going too is implied, because that has never needed to be said when it came to Steve and Robin.

The way Eddie’s face changes evades Steve’s ability to describe. It makes him regret saying anything – that’s for fucking sure. Makes him wish he’d just snuck away in the dead of night.

“C’mon man, we’ve picked up a whole fuckin’ litter over the years,” Eddie says, and he’s still forcing humor into his tone, “You can’t leave me to fend off the masses alone – the years have made me weak-willed, I’ll surrender immediately.”

Steve manages a snort, but he still looks down at the floor all the same.

Eddie doesn’t say anything else for a while, but his hand wraps around Steve’s ankle as if there was enough brute strength in the one appendage to keep him rooted to the bathroom floor.

(Strangely enough, it feels like there might be).

“Steve,” Eddie finally says, his voice stiff and hard in a way Steve doesn’t think he’s ever heard before, “We are way too old for this shit – Robin and Nance too.”

Eddie pauses.

“Steve,” he says again, “I know how important Robin is. I know, but our children would be fucking devastated if anything happened to you. Don’t think they wouldn’t – and something would most certainly happen to you.”

“Eddie.” 

He’s still avoiding his husband’s eyes.

“Steve,” he pleads, something desperate in his voice, “We talked about this. Remember? Last spring, when we watched that stupid zombie show with Hazel? And there was the episode with the old gay guys? We talked about this. You told me not to let you go if this shit came back.”

Steve makes no response. Ed lets out a heavy breath, looking to the ceiling.

They have this conversation every now and then – one of those conversations that always teeters on the edge of an argument – in which Eddie insists that Steve could be fine if their relationship ended in a way that Eddie himself would not. It’s a conversation that Steve hates, because he hates the idea that Eddie – his husband of twenty years and the love of his whole entire life – could still be thinking so low of himself, that there’s any part of him that doesn’t think Steve would be fucking wrecked by losing him.

Still, it had always been a hypothetical. It had never been real.

Suddenly, Steve feels claustrophobic sitting on the floor of his daughters’ bathroom. He gets to his feet and, as he heads for the door, Eddie scrambles up after him.

Halfway down the hall, Eddie lunges for him and catches his arm, wheeling him back around to face him.

“Steve,” Eddie says one more time. 

Then, because he apparently has no words ready to follow with, he stops.

“Steve,” Eddie starts again, “Please. You’re everything. I love the girls and I love our life, but Christ, Steve, you’re my entire world. You changed everything for me. You showed me how life could be worth living, and you keep showing me, and I’m not ready to let go of you yet – not even fucking close. Please don’t let this be the way we leave each other.”

Steve finally lets himself look at Eddie’s face, the face he’d fallen in love with decades ago, the face he’s still in love with decades later. He looks at his big eyes and the hint of grey at his hairline and his crows feet and the scarring that creeps up his neck from underneath the collar of his shirt (it’s a shirt he’s had for ages – since before even Moe was born by the looks of it, but so is the rest of his half of their closet).

And he finds himself nodding.

Eddie’s exhale is all desperate relief as he tugs Steve into his arms and wraps them around his shoulders. Steve immediately reciprocates the hug, pulling him in even closer, surprised to feel tears pin-pricking his eyes

“I love you so much, Steve,” Eddie tells him, gripping the back of his t-shirt so tight he feels the collar pulling taut against his throat, “I don’t say that to you enough.”

“You say it all the time,” Steve replies with a wet laugh.

“Not enough,” he shakes his head, and Steve decides there’s no point in arguing.

A minute goes by.

“Fuck,” Steve half-laughs, half-chokes as he lifts his head to meet Eddie’s eyes, “This fucking sucks.”

“I know,” he says. 

Again, he reels Steve in, and again, Steve lets him, holding onto his husband like a lifeline, like they’re standing somewhere far more perilous than the carpeted floor of their upstairs hallway.

“I know,” Eddie repeats, “And we’ll…we’ll talk about it but for now, just – can I just hold you for a bit, okay?”

Steve nods again.

“Okay.”

read the extended version on AO3 (i.e. feat. added “flashbacks” so it fits the formatting of the rest of the series)

[came-out-of-the-coffin-desisted]

not to out of left field dragon age post, but i’m thinking of replaying origins and it made me think about how like. mahariel and tamlen are definitely old enough to be married/bonded by dalish standards, and they’ve been friends for at least a fews years if not their whole lives (and it’s probably their whole lives honestly) so they’ve had time to get bonded.

so the implication is that either a) they haven’t gotten their shit together enough to tell each other how they feel much before like. the week origins begins OR b) the elders wouldn’t allow them to bond, the way they wouldn’t let mahariel’s parents bond, and eventually they relented. and i know a lot of people like the first one and i agree that it is like. nicer to the characters. but the second one makes me go INSANE because it’s like. we think you’re too immature, or maybe just one of you is, you’re too impetuous, you don’t think before you act, and you egg each other on, or one of you is too devoted to hold the other one back. whichever it is, it’s a matter of worrying they won’t be good for each other— they don’t approve of the match.

until someone (probably ashalle or marethari herself) intervenes, and the FIRST thing, the very first thing that happens is they find that cave. no matter how it happened— if tamlen refused to go back to prove that he was worthy, if they egged each other on, if mahariel led tamlen forward— they WERE bad for each other, but not out of malice. out of love. and afterwards, when mahariel is a warden and tamlen is gone from them forever (even if they will, unbeknownst to them, see him again, just in the most horrifying way possible,) i can just imagine them sitting up nights, afraid to sleep because of the horrible dreams, alternatively blaming the elders for not letting them be together sooner and blaming themselves for not going back, for not making him go back.

in the gauntlet, the spirit or demon or whatever it is takes the form of tamlen, taunts them about their failure, about their waking fucking nightmare.

and months later, when there have been so many loses that they’re sort of numb to it all, when they’ve made a new family and maybe fallen in love again, when they’re living every day like it could be their last (because it could be,) they wake up one night in a cold sweat, or they’re in the middle of ~something~ with their new partner, and shrieks ambush their camp. they have to come out and fight, back to back with their new family, with their lover— they finish the fight covered in blood, every inch the warden, every inch the hero of ferelden. and in the aftermath, there he is. the ghost of the one person they never thought they’d lose, their best friend, the soulmate they were /supposed/ to have. and he’s a ghoul, he’s dying, and if they don’t kill him, the blight will force their hand.

and then there’s one fucking line with alistair about it. you can’t follow up on it. …but imagine if you could. imagine if the warden absolutely melts down afterward. imagine if they got to feel, for once, the ENORMITY of what they’ve lost, the enormity of what the blight took from them, which they’ll never get back, even if they have people they love. even if they live through it all, they save the world, now they’re the warden commander and they get to live free of fear—they’ll still never be one half of the happy elder couple who laughs and jokes and says ‘yes’ to every match because they believe in love over all. they’ll never get to see merrill become keeper and tease her about how pompous she was as a kid, they’ll never have children. they’ll never hunt again, never sit with the halla and smile about the beauty of the world.

in a lot of ways i think that the elven wardens lose the least, because they gain power they’d otherwise never have— but they still lose things. there is no easy way to become a warden. the only way that a warden loses nothing by joining is if they had nothing to lose at all.

[ellieluvr420]

Eye for an Eye Pt.5

MASTERLIST (and information about Palestine) Please read!

SYNOPSIS: Your body yearned for the touch of your girlfriend, the warm embrace that calmed your mind but you couldn't give in, the anger you harboured for her at disappearing with her group for three months without any warning, explanation or even a mention of when she would be back stopped you in your tracks any time you got close to giving in. You loved Abby so much but looking at her made you sick, you couldn't push the feelings down no matter how much you craved for things to go back to what they once were. You hadn't planned this but the anguish in those green eyes mirrored yours and sucked you in before you could think twice about the repercussions of your actions. You made your bed when you made the deal with the auburn-haired stranger, eventually you'd have to lie in it.

I want to quickly stress that this is a darker fic and there will be a lot of darker, possibly triggering themes to do with mental health throughout so take that as a warning. I likely won't do warnings for each part because part of this fic for me is that you don't know what's going to happen until you read it so please do not read if you find graphic descriptions of mental illness and topics surrounding that triggering (this includes suicide, be warned). But if you do read, thank you so much, this story is really important to me and I appreciate any interaction whatsoever!

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧      

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?” Her pistol jammed into your chest as she grabbed your hair and yanked it, pulling your head backwards to meet her eyes. The force of it causing you to drop the polaroid on the floor.

“Ellie, I’m sorry.” 

“You’re fucking sorry? You’re sorry you didn’t tell me you’re with the girl who bashed Joel’s head in with a golf club while they made me watch? You’re fucking sorry? Sorry’s not good enough.” She cocked the gun and you didn’t even flinch, you just stayed frozen in your place as you pictured Abby, your sweet Abby, before everything happened and suddenly a switch flipped, you wouldn’t die before she did, you had to keep going. 

“Wait! Ellie, look, I know it’ll be hard to believe me, but I still want to help you. I want her dead just as much as you do.” 

“How do you expect me to believe that?” 

“Because it’s the truth. Yes, I was in love with her, but she broke my heart when she left without telling me, she didn’t care about me, she left me to rot on my own and when she came back she still wouldn’t tell me where she had went, she watched me crumble, become a shell of myself, I didn’t eat, I didn’t sleep and it didn’t change anything for her, she ruined me. Then you told me what she had done and that was it, she wasn’t my Abby anymore, you want to kill her and I want to help, that’s the truth Ellie.” She loosened her grip on your hair and retracted her gun as she took two steps back from you, shaking her head like she was trying to stop your words entering her ears. 

“So- so what, you help me kill her and then you just live happily ever after? You’re full of shit.” 

“No Ellie, I was going to kill her and then kill myself.” The words fell out of your lips before you even had time to process what you were thinking. There was silence between you both, she just stood and stared and you never let your eyes leave the floor as you pinched at the skin on your arm, you’re real, this is real, you’re conscious. 

“W-what, why?” You chuckled at her bewilderment like the answer to her question was the most obvious thing in the world. 

“Because I’m basically dead anyway, I signed my death warrant the second I agreed to help you, they’ll figure it out sooner or later but they won’t find you before you get to them. I accepted my fate when I agreed to help you because I can’t live with her but I can’t live without her so I don’t see myself being able to live like this much longer.” 

“Like what?” 

“My mind is splintered, I keep saying things in my head but different words are coming out of my mouth and I have no idea what I said in place of what I was thinking. I keep blacking out, I’m losing time, one minute I’m walking out of the theatre with you and the next we’re in Hillcrest but I can’t find you because apparently I wandered off without a trace. I don’t even know if you were telling the truth to Jesse when you said I saved you from two clickers on the way there because I have no memory from when we left the theatre to when I found that Wolf. I don’t remember the journey from... the house by the hospital to- to here. I reached for the door handle to leave and instead I was opening the window for us to climb through. Earlier today I imagined that I strangled Abby to death and it felt so real until I snapped back to reality and she was sitting right in front of me. When I passed out as we came in, what happened in my head was that as I got through the window I turned back to see Abby following me in instead of you. She grabbed me and she- I don’t even know what the fuck she did but it felt like I was dying. I’m going fucking insane and there’s nothing I can do to stop it because Abby broke my heart and dragged my soul away from me too. I am nothing, I will never be anything again.” You sobbed, choking on the lump in your throat as you just tried to keep going. “The first time I even felt like I was attached to my body in months was in that fucking house with you Ellie and then it happened all over again and I was screaming and crying but I wasn’t because I was kissing you back and I actually felt real but in my head I was begging for you not to become a monster like me. I can’t breathe, I can’t sleep, I can’t function because the person I trusted with my life is slowly killing me. I’d rather die than keep living like this but she doesn’t get to just move on and forget about me all over again once I’m gone. She has to pay too. I know you’re not telling me everything about why she killed Joel but I don’t care, I want to die and I want to take her with me.” You suck a breath in to try and steady your voice and clear your mind. “I’m sorry for lying, I really am. I shouldn’t have been an asshole about you not telling me about Dina because I’ve done worse but I have no control anymore and I just saw red when you told me about her. I haven’t always been a monster like this I swear, I’m just- I'm too far gone to save. So I was gonna help you kill her and then kill myself. That’s the truth, I swear.” Fuck, why did you say that? Why did you actually just tell her that?

You feel dizzy, out of breath from your monologue. You don't want to look at Ellie, to see her reaction, you know it won't be good, you're surprised she hasn't shot you already, you just let the tears stream down your cheeks as you stare at the floor.

"Why didn't you say anything when I found you in Hillcrest?"

"It was the first time I properly blacked out for a long time, I was scared and I thought you'd think I was mad and shoot me there and then, I can't die until I know she'll be there waiting for me." It was grim, hearing your words, you couldn't imagine what Ellie was thinking.

"What if we kill her and you go back to n- you stop feeling all?-" She cuts herself off, unable to find a phrase to use that seemed appropriate.

"Stop feeling fucking insane?" You both chuckle quietly, it was bittersweet, more bitter than sweet.

"Sorry."

"Don't be, that's what I am, I doubt that'll change but even if it does, it won't change my mind. This is what has to happen, I know it doesn't make sense, to you anyway, but this is it for me, I don't have a future anymore because I can't have one with her. It's pathetic but she was the only thing that brought light into this shitty life and she ripped it away when she left, I'm sick of living in the dark."

"You're the most complicated person I've ever met."

"Could say the same to you."

"What?" She scoffs.

"I know you love Dina, you wouldn't call what happened between us a complication?"

"No, it's not complicated in my mind. It's about the simplest thing I've got going on up there these days." She taps her temple twice, it was your turn to scoff, she had to be joking. There's nothing simple about it, you had promised yourself you'd keep your distance because you couldn't get wrapped up in anything that might alter the course of your plan and that included Ellie... and her girlfriend.

"It won't happen again Ellie." Her face drops from the cheeky smirk that had been playing on her features, her eyes fluttering shut as she nods her head and bites the inside of her cheek.

"Please don't... you know... Come back to Jackson with us. You can start fresh." Her eyes lit up as she finished her sentence, a new sense of hope coursing through her veins that dissipates the second she meets your eyes.

"I can't do that, you know that, besides, you should want me dead for what I've done, why the fuck would you want me to come back with you?"

"I don't know but I can't just leave you here to die. I can't let you go." Quiet falls over you both, you shouldn't have asked her that, you knew the answer would only hurt more. You could never be what she needs, Dina is what she needs. You don't know Dina, but you know she's what's good for Ellie, she's the opposite of you, she's the light where you're the dark. She's the warm when you're the cold. Ellie deserved light and warmth, not cold and dark, that's all you'd ever be and that's all Ellie would ever want, it was sad, crushing but it was reality. You would always be Abby's even in death.

Why the fuck did you kiss her? You're fucking evil for doing this to her.

"When this is all done, go home with Dina and move on, forget about me and everything that happened here."

"I can't do that, you know that." She mimics your words and it stings.

"Ellie, I'm a fucking monster, I'm evil and I'll only dirty you. All I've done, you don't deserve someone like me in your life. I'll only bring you pain and suffering and I'll ruin you and your home. Leave me behind and get out while you can, before it catches up to you, don't get dragged down with me when I eventually go." Silence. She doesn't speak, only furrows her eyebrows as she steps towards you.

"It just happened again." Her reply confused you, it was obvious from your face that you hadn't caught on. "You didn't say anything just then. You just stared at me, not even at me, you stared through me."

"No." You breathed out, your voice wobbling.

"I'm sorry." She sounded sincere, she was, she watched as you disappeared behind your eyes and then reappeared like it was nothing, you were struggling to hold it together in front of her and she knew it.

"FUCK!" You curse out. "See what I mean, I'm barely alive anyway, what fucking difference does it make?"

"All the fucking difference! You're alive, you don't feel it but you're alive, you're here. Being alive in the world we live in is a fucking miracle, you can't just throw it away."

"I'm not just throwing it away Ellie. I can't see another way out of this. Just let me help you finish this and then forget about me. I'm not gonna change my mind so stop fucking trying." You snap, your voice harsh and distant as you look anywhere but her. You couldn't, you knew it would be too hard. Ellie stepped closer pleading with you in her head to just look at her like you'd hear her thoughts but you wouldn't, couldn't look at her and it sent shooting pains through her chest. She still hadn't learnt how to deal with sadness, it had always just turned to anger. The anger she could deal with, she could process to a certain extent, but sadness just lingered in her and caused her body to ache and her mind to become clouded, slightly separating her from the world. You were sad, gut-wrenchingly heartbroken, she saw herself in you and it only fed her delusions more, you would both finish this and you wouldn't feel this way anymore, that was the only possible outcome in her mind. She felt hope, the tiniest shimmer of light in a sea of darkness, almost being drowned out but still there. Though it was hard for the light to compete, her anger at your stubbornness and your lies crashing through her mind. She wanted this to work but she was still so aggrieved by your cold shoulder.

"How can I trust you now?" Her voice was sharp, covering the real feelings bubbling up. She trusted you, even after finding out about your relationship with Abby, she trusted you but she just needed to hear you speak again.

"I have patrol with Manny, I was just gonna kill him then and tell you but if you wanna see for yourself, I'll tell you where we're going to be and when. But if you get caught, it's not on me." She doesn't make a move to speak, only wincing slightly, almost unnoticeably at the coldness of your last statement. You wait and wait but she doesn't reply, she just stares, the look on her face screaming of dissatisfaction. "Look I know it's not Abby but it's only gonna be me and Manny on that patrol so when I come back alone and say he died, I'm gonna get interrogated for hours, it's protocol. I'm putting myself at risk here before I can even get to Abby because I want her to feel the pain of losing all of her friends. If I wasn't serious about all of this, why would I risk killing him in a way that could get me in serious trouble? Yes I want to end it but not until after she's gone, think about it Ellie, I'm doing this because I want to speed up the timeline. I want her dead, please believe me." Even as you beg, you still sound cold, the temperature around you both dropping to the point where there ware goosebumps prickling your skin.

"Fine. Now why don't you run off back to your little girlfriend and let me sleep." Little wasn't exactly the right word but Ellie had lost all control of her mouth, she sounded rough and hateful and she was anything but that towards you, being around you after all you had said was just too much of a reminder of the reality of what's to come and she wasn't ready to face that.

You didn't fight, you didn't have it in you. You just turned on your heel and walked away from her without another glance at the girl's defeated face. The polaroid still laying on the floor where you had been stood, abandoned by you.

tags: @emiliabby @liasxeatt @kawaiibreadbouquet-blog @tphmnv @a-little-bit-of-everybody @chrry1ovr @bready101

[blommp717]

Disingenuous Misleadings

Disclaimer Post

Welcome

I’m really sorry this is a long post but I reallyyyyy hate this idea that people who “manifest” can’t understand NonDualism to experience the life they love.

Hey guys, this is mainly for the “critics” ( dramatic I know, but I really couldn’t think of another word sorry 😭😭🫶) but of course I advice that everyone read it regardless because it’ll also help you understand if this page is for you or not! I received a message recently and I could tell that sooner or later there would be another person like this claiming I’m being fake or disingenuous and misleading with what I say, so here is, the post I’ll always refer them to 😭 I’m going to use word with allot of “quotes” around it because I know if I don’t people r gonna go nuts. If I come off aggressive near the end, then I’m sorry.

“Your not teaching nondualism�� 🤭

I’ve actually said this multiple times across plenty of posts that I’m not teaching anyone how to manifest, because there is no such thing, it just looks like manifestation. But I have to use words like that or else no one would understand what I’m saying. If I wanted to be another no concept or NonDualism blogger who speaks vaguely and cryptically to the point where the majority of the people who read their post’s have no idea what they’re even talking about I would. It’s really not hard, because there’s absolutely nothing to learn. All is what “it” is, absolutely no-thing. We get it.

To whoever gets upset that I’m not teaching nondualism and that I’m giving people a false idea that they can read what I say and be awakened, you yourself have no idea what nondualism states. Starting off, no one can awaken, all of that is just random b.s we make up for ourselves because we think there is a “journey” Nonduality is not a teaching, it’s just another random meaningless word we use to describe what “is”. When you truly reach the point of complete understanding you’ll realize that even the idea of nobdualism is well, just an idea. Truly there only ever is “ “ it’s unlabeled, no words can describe, no emotions or thoughts can describe, it’s the indescribable beingness that always is and what “we” are. Notice how vague that is, this is nobdualism, but you realize no one will understand what we say if we all talk like that right? We HAVE to describe it using words people actually understand or else they’ll all be left confused.

What is “happening”

Regardless of your belief or reliance on LOAssumption, LOAttraction or ND, realize that in the end it’s all concepts made “real” by “ “ or if you want to use words that people actually understand, awareness/consciousness/god. These are just thoughts made real by the realization of the thought/idea itself. Understanding NonDualism is realizing how this experience, so to speak, is. Meaning, absolute, no separation, no difference, no duality. I think where people disconnect from is when they come from people saying, “there is no one doing anything” and they see someone like me talking about how to “manifest using nondualism”. I get it can seem like I’m telling it wrong but that also comes from how you see just one of my posts without context. There is nothing and no one, yes, the experience is completely hollow, yes, it’s lacking a substance, lacking a real foundation…yes. But the existence of what appears to be or what seems to be happening (people, life, physicality) still is “real”. We can’t make all of this disappear (and I wouldn’t want it to) by understanding NonDualism properly, the “goal” was never to transcend anything, because it’s all you! You can’t! And the “3D” just like anything and everything to ever exist is deconstructed to “ “. The (for lack of better words) existence of all that’s perceived or experienced is reliant on “ “, including the body. The “answer” is, all of it is “ “ and in essence that is what “you” are. There are no rules, no concepts, no laws, absolutely nothing. BUT THIS ALSO MEANS IT CAN BE ANYTHING. Imagination, thoughts, visuals, physical is all “ “, therefore any story painted by realizing an outcome or experience is what appears as what “happens” in life. A preferred experience made real by the simple realization of that experience. That is not manifestation Its existence, but do you really expect me to tell people that over and over and over again? Nondualism isn’t a technique it’s not a method and never can be. Literally just being and perceiving that your living the life of your dreams or everything always working out for you is not an affirmation to make something happen, it’s the true nature of existence in that instant moment because you’ve realized it, therefore making it “real”

Are you for real rn??

The “3D” is also just “ “, who cares if someone wants to experience the life of their dreams??? You’d rather people learn to be unaffected by the illusion while their life is “spiraling”, or they’re going into debt or waking up “suffering” every single day? Why does it seem so unappealing to you for someone to have “faith” or even “hope” doesn’t matter if there’s no such thing, we cannot escape what appears to be happening. You still exist as a “physical” experience. If we truly wanted to live life so detached from meaning or anything mattering, people would be able to kill each-other and say “well there’s no one doing anything so you can’t charge me with a crime, because a crime also isn’t really real it’s just “ “ your honor” but surprise, though the experience isn’t really “real” and all of it is just an appearance, it still exists! Please I urge you (not really, pls don’t actually do this) go punch someone on the street a few times and see if you don’t have to “experience” the consequences. Oh right you still get arrested, it still leaves a mark on your name, you get charges and probably jail time or a fine. Why?? Just because it’s all illusionary doesn’t mean the illusion doesn’t “exist” (Don’t actually incite any violence it’s just to paint an image)

Conclusion

So what now? So what happens now is you stop getting so upset that someone’s actually explaining nondualism in a way that people can benefit from, this body will be here for however long it is, and up until then I see no point in “suffering”. If you understand ND and “use” it to be completly neutral in any/every moment, good for you, doesn’t mean everyone has to take it that way. And THATS OKAY. But what will NOT happen is for anyone to come on my page and tell my friends/followers that they’re living their own life wrong and shouldn’t want to go about it this way, how selfish you are, truly. Anyways I think I’m kinda done with this post 😭😭 thanks everyone for reading and understanding. 🫶🪷🫀🥰💵 take care.

[nocasdatsgay]

Baby of Mine A Spring Time Affairs Fic

Day 7 of @polyacotarweek Free Day

Pairing: Tamlin/OC/Elain/Lucien | Rating: T| Word count: 3778

Master List | Poly Week Masterpost | Read on AO3

Summary: After Calanmai and forgetting to take the tea, Flora is pregnant. The problem is, she doesn’t know if Tamlin or Lucien is the father.

Warnings: Pregnancy, Anxiety, base level childbirth mentions, a baby

AN: WE DID IT FOLKS! Last day of the week. I can’t want to go through the Masterlist and read what I have missed while writing. Thank you for all the likes and comments. PS: Can you catch the Beast of the Briars call out?

Tagging: @saltedcoffeescotch @ysmtttty

Tamlin said he did not care. 

Lucien and Elain both said they didn’t care. 

But Flora did. 

The stress was evident on her face as she turned in front of the mirror, gaze dropping down to her bare stomach. She was starting to show. New clothes would be in soon, her old ones already feeling snug. She didn’t want to despise the babe in her belly but gods it was hard to not let her worries get to her. 

She was Tamlin’s wife. She had a duty to him to have his heir. What would the court do if her babe came out with red hair or russet eyes? Their relationship wasn’t a secret. Everyone knew. But they’d been so careful and then Calanmai came and the one time she forgot to put contraceptives in her system, she ended up pregnant. 

She hoped it was the first undiluted magic that conceived this child. Tamlin took her into the cave. They made love on that stone and released all that magic back into the world. What happened with Lucien and Elain after wasn’t under the same pull of ancient magic. But doubt plagued her. Her plants showed her there was no difference between the first wave of magic and after. It could easily be the same with her. 

“Flora?” Tamlin’s voice dragged her out of her thoughts. Her gaze met his through the mirror. “Is everything alright?” 

Tamlin stayed nervous about her condition. She knew why. He was worried she would fall into a depression or worse. He was constantly encouraging her to engage with the court, to go outside with Elain. It warred with his want to keep her inside and safe. His mistakes in the past haunted him. Even after all the time that passed. 

“I just-“ she looked back at where her hand rested on her stomach. “You know I worry.” 

“I don’t care what others may think. You know this.” 

“They’ll talk, Tamlin,” tears built in her eyes. Her worries she had been holding in came tumbling out. “What good am I? If my first born is not your heir? This is a child, Tamlin. What if it is Lucien’s? What if it triggers something in Elain? They’re mates.”

“Flora.”

“I’m sorry.” Her voice cracked and tears spilt. “It’s awful to think these things, I know. I'm horrible.”

“You’re not horrible, my wildflower.” Tamlin came up to her, wrapping his arms around her. One hand splayed over her stomach. “How long have you felt like this?” 

“Since I found out.” 

She grabbed one of his arms with her hand to mentally steady herself. She hadn’t spoken out loud how she felt. She feigned excitement; they were so happy when her scent changed. She didn’t want to take that away from them just because she worried. 

“Honey.” She winced at the sadness in his tone. “Why didn’t you say something sooner?” 

“I didn’t want to upset you.”

“You’ll never upset me.” She felt him kiss the back of her head. “I know you worry but our babe is so loved already and that’s all that matters.” 

She nodded and leaned back into the embrace of her husband. Tamlin was the most excited out of all of them. She just hoped she could match his enthusiasm sooner rather than later. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

She officially was showing and barely made it out alive from the Court announcement party. So many congratulations, each one meant well but still grated her. She was a perfect Lady of Spring, faking her smile and when someone did notice, it was explained off as hormones. Tam watched her the whole time, ready to scoop her up and out of the room if needed. She finally feigned tiredness and excused herself. 

It was a relief to enter the empty hall. Though she was not alone for long. She made it up the stairs before running into one of the two people who put her in this predicament. Lucien’s gold eye clicked rapidly as he came up to her, studying her face. She had not seen him since his return this morning from visiting Day Court. 

“How did it go?”

Flora rolled her eyes. “I swear if I hear one more congratulations I am going to vomit.”

”So it went well. Good.” He leaned in and kissed her forehead. “And how are you? How’s my little one?”

”I am tired and annoyed. And you don’t know for certain, if this babe is yours,” she snapped. She regretted it the second the words left her mouth. “The baby is fine, Lucien. I didn’t mean- I’m sorry. That was unkind of me.”

“It was.” He didn’t hide the hurt on his face. 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. I don’t mean that. I’m sorry.”  She looked down in shame. She’d never spoken to Lucien like that before. She was horrid. 

“Flora, look at me, I do forgive you.” He reached his hand under her chin and tilted it up so she would look at him. “I get it and I’m sure the announcement party didn’t help.”

Her eyes watered. “It really didn’t. None of them have any idea. They all just assume this was planned. They all just assume this is Tamlin’s and when I try to correct them, they just -” She took a shaky breath and her hand went to the small bump poking out from her dress. “Tam says stress isn’t good for the baby.”

”It’s not,” Lucien replied. “If they’re mine, they might come out looking grumpy and be mistaken for Eris if you aren’t careful. Try explaining that to the court.”

That made her laugh. “You’re right.” She gave him a soft smile. “He’s a boy, by the way. Don’t tell Elain, she doesn’t know yet.”

Lucien’s grin beamed with likeness of the sun. “We’re having a boy?”

“Yes. We are having a boy.” She paused and bit her lip. She knew the answer but after the party, her worries continued to fall from her lips without warning. “If this is Tam’s baby, are you sure you aren’t going to be mad?”

Lucien sighed. “I’ve already told you, it doesn’t matter if he’s mine or Tam’s, he will be ours.” Lucien tapped his finger on her nose. “Get those thoughts out of your mind. Don’t let the courtiers get to you. And go tell Elain before I find her first. I won’t be able to help myself and she’ll be livid you told me first.” 

Flora nodded and smiled again. Lucien always knew how to make her feel better. She stood on her toes and gave him a quick kiss before setting off to find Elain. He was right on that part; Elain was going to be livid she was the last to know. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Tamlin made her nap in a guest room citing he ‘had a surprise’ for her. She was too tired to question it. Five months in and between being either absolutely insatiable and exhausted, she took his word for it and laid down. It wasn’t until after dinner that night, he escorted her to their rooms, grinning the whole time. 

“What did you do?” She asked, not able to suppress her own smile. 

“Come see.” 

They entered through the sitting room and into their bed chamber. Nothing looked different; Tamlin guided her forward into the next room and she gasped. The nursery was finished- and fully finished. Her hand went instantly to her stomach, where she felt the flutters of life moving inside her. 

“It’s beautiful,” she blinked back her tears. “Oh, Tamlin.” 

She called out things as she noticed them. The walls were painted a pretty light green. A bassinet in the middle and an oak crib against the wall near their room for later. Even the rug was beautiful- her favorite flowers stitched in throughout. Other furniture filled the room, all a deep oak like the crib. There was even a rocking chair and bookshelf by the window. 

“Do you notice anything else?” 

She frowned, looking up at her husband’s knowing smirk. She looked around the room again- everything was new. The room even smelled of wood still. She frowned harder; that wasn’t right. She glanced around the room again and finally noticed it. A new door opposite their own. 

“Where does that go?” She asked. 

“To Lu and Lainy’s rooms.” 

She jerked her head towards him again with her mouth open. “They’re moving? Really?” 

They talked about it so often before that Flora thought it was mute at this point. She desperately wanted them to be closer than where their rooms were now on the other side of the manor but didn’t want to push them. They deserved their own space. Even with the baby- especially with the baby. But knowing they agreed to move closer- she started crying. 

“We’ve been waiting for time to put the door in so they’d have access to the nursery too if needed.” Tamlin reached up and wiped her tears. “These are happy ones, correct?” She nodded. “Good. Come, I want you to pick out the curtains for the window.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Three more months to go and Flora was ready to evict this baby now. Sitting was a little uncomfortable, her belly becoming rounder by the day. It didn’t help that her babe started to kick daily, for no other reason than to make his mother uncomfortable. 

Even outside in the garden, where the chairs could lounge out to prop up one’s feet weren’t comfortable. It was Elain’s idea to take their tea outside today. Flora shuffled about in her chair while Elain poured tea into a cup. 

“Drink this,” Elain sat the tea cup and saucer beside her. 

“What is it?” Flora was scared to sniff it. Last time she smelled anything but black tea she nearly hurled. Though that was early on in her pregnancy. She avoided it ever since. 

“Raspberry mint. I made it for Feyre and it seemed to help with the second pregnancy.”

She took a hesitant sip and her eyes widened right before she downed more of it. She sat back her chair and made an inappropriate noise. 

“This is the best tea I’ve ever had.” She took another drink from the saucer. “Thank you Elain.”

“You’re welcome. Hopefully it calms the little rascal.” 

Flora nodded and resisted the urge to down the rest of her cup. She set aside and watched Elain take a sip of her own tea. 

“How are your sisters?” 

Elain contemplated for a moment. Flora didn’t know if that was a bad sign or not. 

“Nesta has taken on a writing project.” Elain cut her eyes to Flora with a knowing look. “A romance novel.” 

Flora sat up straighter. “Really? On a scale of what I read and what you read, how smutty is it?” 

“What you read. You know Nes adores those Drake books. Stands to reason she would write something equally scandalous.” 

“You know you love those books too,” Flora playfully rolled her eyes. “I hope she completes it. Tell her I look forward to having a copy on my bookshelf.”

Elain grinned. “I will make sure to let her know.”

“And Feyre? How is she?” 

Flora held no ill will to the female. What happened between her and Tamlin was in the past. 

“She’s good. The twins are giving her hell.” Flora laughed at that. “She handed off her workshops to local artists. So now she’s only supervising the ones in Illyria and Hewn city, occasionally hosting an event.” 

“I thought you mentioned she planned for that?” 

Elain took a sip of her tea. “She did. She’s just been putting off for decades. She’s worse than Lucien, having her hands in so many pots.” 

Flora couldn’t disagree. She picked her tea backup and drank the rest before it was too cold. It was only minutes later when she realized she could still feel the baby move but his kicking stopped. 

“By the cauldron I thought he’d never stop. You’re a lifesaver, Lainy.” 

She only smiled and took another sip of her tea. They settled into a nice silence but Flora’s mind spiraled. No longer focused on her baby’s excessive kicking, she couldn’t help but wonder further about Elain’s sisters. She hadn’t had time to ask. Or even think about it but now…

“Elain?” She hummed in acknowledgment. Flora smoothed out the fabric on her belly idly. “Have you explained to your sisters he might be Lucien’s?” 

“I have.” She replied. “They are aware we have a different relationship, the four of us. They are understanding. You don’t know them as well as I do, but I promise they will not care. If they did, I would never let them hear the end of it.”

She accepted that response. Elain studied her for a moment, then reached over, placing her hand on Flora’s stomach. 

“No matter what, this is our baby. We’ve been over this. I will love him no matter who fathered him.”

“I know, I know. Thank you.” 

Elain gave her a soft smile and pulled back her hand to stand. She came over and gave Flora a quick kiss. She patted Flora’s shoulder. 

“Come, let’s clean this up and go bother our husbands.” She said with a grin. 

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

The time finally came and Flora labored off and on for days. The whole time Tamlin never left her side. Lucien kept the court running and Elain took over the kitchens by cooking. She’d brought all kinds of food every few hours to see if Flora would eat. Flora took most of the pastries. She joked the baby had a sweet tooth but they all knew it was just Flora’s preference. 

It felt like an eternity passed before it came time to push. Their healer in the room supervised as planned. With Lucien and Elain flanking her sides, and holding her hands, Tamlin caught their child as he was pushed out into this world. Flora should have known the second she felt the head crown and Tamlin’s widened, what was about to happen. Of course she was too focused on screaming her own lungs out from the pain and pressure to realize it for what it was.

Their healer beside him cleaned out the baby's mouth and wails filled the room. Flora was finally handed a baby boy with the brightest red hair she’d ever seen in her life. And she laughed. She laughed and cried as she pulled her baby to her chest. All those months of worry, all the love for this tiny little being she grew in her body, and all the stress from labor hit her at once. 

It was bittersweet but not in the way she expected or planned for. She didn’t realize Elain had moved off the bed until Tamlin was right beside her, hands cupping her face as he kissed her forehead then her lips. He was crying too but there was no sadness in his eyes. No words were exchanged; they weren’t needed. It was their healer who finally intervened, moving Tamlin so her assistant could take the baby to clean up and she could take over for the rest of the process. Flora looked over to see Lucien and Elain still by her side. Both of them had red eyes also. 

“We have a baby,” Flora choked out, tears renewed. Both of them grinned at her. 

“We do,” Lucien laughed through his tears. 

They both gave her a long kiss each before the healer shooed them out to give Flora some space. They all agreed when she first became pregnant that no matter what, she wanted Tamlin by her side during the first few hours of recovery. She still felt guilty sending Lucien out, knowing what she knew now. 

The guilt didn’t last long when she felt like she had to push again. 

Tamlin was utterly smitten. Flora watched him cradle their baby in his arms while the head healer made certain everything else was gone and felt around her stomach. He was so gentle, like he was afraid he would break him. The healer finally took the baby back to show Flora how to feed him. Once he was settled, they cleaned up and Flora moved into their room. 

After some time with just her and the baby, Tamlin came back to join her on the bed. She also finally realized how exhausted she was. Being back in her own bed, with her baby calm had relaxed her heavily. Tamlin put their son in the cradle by the bed and crawled up next to her. They were silent for a long time, so much she almost fell asleep with Tamlin rubbing his thumb over her knuckles. His soft voice pulled her back from sleep. 

“Flora?” 

“Tam.”

“How do you feel?” He was still stroking her knuckles nervously. 

“Exhausted.” She knew that’s not what he meant. “Numb. I worried so much. I was so anxious. Now it’s over and I don’t feel anything.”

“Look at me,” he pulled back and tilted her chin up gently. His sad green eyes pleaded with hers. “The second you start feeling upset or overwhelmed, you tell me. Because you will- you just had a baby, our baby. Your body might be in shock.”

He let go and she nodded. “I know. I promise. I love you.”

“I love you,” he kissed her forehead. “Do you want to bring Lu and Lainy in? Or do you want to rest?” 

“They can come in. They need to meet their son proper.” She grinned when she said that. Their son. The four of them. 

“I’ll get them.” 

Tamlin went through the door to the nursery and shortly came back with Lucien and Elain right behind him. After a few exchanges of kisses with Flora, Lucien took the babe first. Elain came and sat by her while Lucien stood, rocking the baby gently in his arms. 

Then his brows furrowed, confusion etched in his face. “Are we sure he’s mine?” 

“That’s exactly what Beron said when you were born,” Tamlin replied immediately, causing Flora and Elain to snort with laughter. 

“No, I mean it,” Lucien replied through his own chuckles. “His eyes are green.” 

“No, they aren’t,” Flora replied. 

She had stared at her son the whole time she had him and fed him. Not once did she notice his eyes being green when he opened them. Elain got up and Lucien lowered him for her to look. Shock went over her face. 

“Flora, they’re green.” 

They brought their son over to her. She frowned as she took him and he grunted from being passed around. It took a moment for him to open his eyes again. Flora’s mouth fell open. Her son’s eyes were green. Tamlin’s green. 

Tamlin looked down at their son with a soft smile. “The Mother has a sense of humor. When we said our baby she knew we meant it.” He sighed and looked at his wife. “Do you still want to wait? Before we tell your parents he’s here?”

“Gods yes.” Flora’s parents always meant well, but were so overbearing sometimes. “I need a few days before my mother descends upon the manor. I’m also going to need all three of you here to explain this.” She smoothed her son's red hair gently. 

Along with overbearing, they weren’t understanding of her relationships. They only kept their mouths shut thanks to Tamlin being High Lord. Elain’s sisters understood. Lucien’s parents understood a little too well, considering who his father was. Flora was going to have to mentally prepare for the explanations she’d have to provide. Elain pulled her from her thoughts, moving her mate to sit beside Flora. 

“Have you picked the name?” 

Elain looked between her and Tamlin with her big doe eyes, innocently trying to hide her excitement. She’d been begging them to tell her what they picked for weeks. A small list was made by the four of them and from there, her and Tam picked two weeks ago. 

“Yes Lainey,” Flora bumped her forehead gently against Elain’s. “We’re going with Ezryn.” 

“Not the grumpy one,” Lucien exclaimed albeit playfully. 

Before Flora could even scold him, Ezryn grunted and shuffled in his swaddle. It would have been perfect timing if his hair hadn’t changed from bright red to brown. Her eyes widened as she just stared at her baby, silence between the four of them deafening. It was finally Elain, who said something. 

“Oh he’s going to be a rascal.” She covered her mouth and looked at her mate. 

Then Flora laughed again. Laughed and cried like she had when she held him for the first time. The whole time she was worried about his hair and he changed it. Which meant her worries, her acceptance of her fate, was all a waste. Tamlin was laughing too, his head on her shoulder. 

“He’s worse than you,” she wiped her eyes, turning her head to her husband. “By the mother he’s only a few hours old.”

“I still think he’s Lucien’s,” Tamlin chuckled, which sent Lucien howling. 

Ezryn did not like that. To be fair to him, his little fae ears could only handle so much. Tamlin took him, rocking him gently in his arms. Lucien and Elain both made their exit, promising to come back with dinner later so Flora could rest. By the time he was settled again, Flora was also nearly asleep. 

“He’s going to be a menace,” she whispered after Tamlin put their son in his cradle. 

“He’s our menace.” Tamlin got in the bed with her. “His powers are just fluctuating because he’s a newborn. They’ll taper out in a day or so.” 

She nodded and yawned. She then snuggled up to Tamlin to try and rest, though her mind raced. 

“Will you check on Lucien later?” She whispered. “I’m worried. We all thought…”

“I will, I promise.” He took her hand that laid on his chest and gently squeezed it. “I think he’s fine, but I will ask Lainy to keep an eye on him. Today was a lot for all of us.” 

“It was.” She yawned again. “Thank you.” 

Silence fell between them. She let Tamlin brush his fingers through her hair until she finally fell asleep.

[waterfire1848]

AU where Ozai wins the spirit battle against Aang during Sozin Comet and becomes the new Avatar.

Hello, @stardust948 !!! (This could have been a lot darker but I’m in a comedy mood)

1. When Aang loses, no one knows that he’s now not the Avatar. They just know he’s lost and was forced to flee with Sokka, Suki and Toph. Katara, Zuko and Azula are still at the palace and know something is wrong. They try to flee without Azula but she actually asks to go with them because she was beaten and she really doesn’t want to be alone to face Ozai (she doesn’t know why but she has a feeling he won). They get on Appa and fly to where Sokka, Suki and Toph were supposed to be and get the four. Since Aang is tapped out, they’re forced to fly off and regroup. They decide to head back to Ember Island for the time being so they can think over what to do. In this time, everyone tends to their wounds, Azula stays pretty much on her own, and Aang grows angry about how he failed. Katara, trying to help, offers a waterbending training sessions which Aang agrees to. When they try to bend a simple waterball back and forth, Aang finds that he can’t. In fact, he can’t bend anything aside from air. (Aang: What happened?! Katara: You’re sure you can’t bend anything besides air? Aang: Positive! It’s like the other three forms just disappeared! Katara: Well, if you’re not the Avatar anymore…then who is?)

2. Ozai is weakened very much by the Avatar’s attack and his airships have been damaged. He tells those who remain to stay put (cause he can’t be there and he’d die if he wasn’t center stage during Sozin’s Comet). It’s a set back but they’ll destroy the Earth Kingdom later. Ozai is brought aboard one of the ships for a medical examination and nothing is found to be wrong but Ozai, internally, feels off. He tells everyone to leave and remains in the room by himself, eventually falling asleep until they return to the palace. He receives word that Azula is gone but just takes the title back himself and is Fire Lord and Phoenix King at the same time. That night, he’s meditating when he decides to get some water. Getting up, he accidentally trips and waterbends. (Ozai is like 99% sure he’s not a waterbender). He tries firebending, but he also takes a wack at waterbending, earthbending and airbending and can do all of them. Ozai doesn’t know how but he’s the Avatar now. (Not only that, but there are a lot of angry voices in his head. He can’t explain it but once sounds like a very pissed off Earth Kingdom woman and the other a very, very pissed off Air Nomad woman).

3. The Gaang is trying to understand how Aang isn’t the Avatar anymore. Does this mean there’s a new Avatar? Who is it? Is there some new baby in the South Pole? Did Aang somehow start all over with his bending progress? While everyone else is freaking out and trying to find a solution, Sokka is trying to decide what they should do since Sozin’s Comet wasn’t the victory or defeat any of them suspected. They heard that Ozai didn’t continue with the attack so BSS is still standing but that doesn’t make any sense to them at all. (Sokka: He had the perfect opportunity to get rid of the city, why not do it? Aang: Maybe he realized he could choose another path? Everyone:… Sokka: Normally, I wouldn’t consider that but that might be a possible scenario here. Azula, off to the side: Ha! My father would sooner give up his bending than not use Sozin’s Comet. Katara: Then why is Ba Sing Se still standing? Azula:… Suki: Could something have happened to Ozai during that big light beam show? Aang….Huh?)

4. Ozai can hardly move without bending another element and, of course, he doesn’t want anyone to know he somehow can bend all four elements. Under normal circumstances, he’d be very proud to show off his new power but anytime he even considers using his bending in that way, Kyoshi is on him. (He’s 70% sure she can read his thoughts and it’s so annoying). This being said, I kinda want a Roku & Ozai friendship. Roku knew Azulon, a younger version but still, and Ozai has no fond memories of his father. (Kyoshi: Ah, daddy issues. Why does everyone in this family have daddy issues? Yangchen: Says mommy issues. Kyoshi: I do not have- Yangchen: Let’s not go back and forth right now….but you totally do. Kuruk: And it’s not everyone in the Royal Family who has daddy issues, Azula’s got mommy issues. Kyoshi: Oh, yeah, I forgot about her. Szeto: You and the comics). Roku and Ozai talk frequently after everything that happens. They develop kind of an older brother & younger brother relationship with Roku trying to give Ozai good life advice and Ozai saying “I’m gonna do the opposite of that.”

5. The Gaang decides to leave Ember Island and try to regroup with the White Lotus. While heading to the EK, they’re captured by FN soldiers and brought to the capital (without the Avatar and being tired from the comet both physically and mentally they aren’t on their best game). Everyone is put in prison, including Azula who is internally having a heart attack, when Ozai comes and demands to see Aang. Everyone, minus Azula, starts going crazy because they think Ozai is about to kill Aang. Instead, Ozai takes him to a private room and just starts yelling at him (Ozai: What did you do to me?!? Aang: What do you mean what did I do to you?! Ozai: I didn’t know being the Avatar was contagious!) Aang learning that Ozai is the Avatar now would probably make him both laugh, cry and nervously be like ‘what spirits in the spirit world okayed tbis’. (Aang: What do you want me to do? Ozai: I want you to teach me how to keep these other inferior bending forms under control. I can’t move my wrist without throwing water at something. Aang: Why should I help you? You were just trying to kill me a week ago. Ozai: I won’t let all your friends die. Aang: But then I really won’t help you and you’re back at where you started but now three masters down. Ozai:…What do you want?) Spoiler Alert: Aang wants his friends to be free but they find the knowledge that Ozai is the new Avatar way too terrifying and hilarious to just leave. Which is how Ozai gets Katara, Toph and Aang as his new teachers and maybe a “not as big a jerk as you could have been” award.

[the-sun-and-the-sea]

Odesta Week Day 2: Take Me Out Tuesday

Finnick’s spent plenty of time in District Thirteen dissociating, but at least this time it’s for a good reason. 

He has Annie in his arms again, and they’ve backed themselves against a wall and have started to slump down. He doesn’t care that they’re on the floor, just like she doesn’t care that his fingers are tangled in her long hair. They’ll deal with that stuff later. 

It’s not until after they’ve done their fair share of crying and kissing that Finnick asks, “So, what do you want to do?”

Annie’s eyes are gleaming and her smile is practically blinding, but he thinks she’s never looked better. “I want to take you out, obviously.”

“I know you just got here,” he says, and presses another quick kiss to her mouth, “but there’s not really a lot of date night options—”

That’s as far as he gets before the blade of her knife tears through his gut. 

The first thing Finnick thinks is that the blood is coming out faster than it should. He’s seen a lot of blood. He’s watched a lot of tributes bleed out on the grass or sand or snow or gravel. But his mind is cloaked in a fuzziness that he can’t shake, and for some reason, he can’t seem to focus on his own blood as it seeps into his clothes. 

Finnick’s eyes eventually focus on Annie. He wants to reach for her hand and tell her that he’ll be fine, and there’s no way she’s getting rid of him that easily. Not after they just got each other back. But Annie’s not even looking at him. Her eyes are cold and impassive, but what strikes him most is the clarity. She knows what happened, and she’s standing here like it’s just another Tuesday for her. 

Then his eyes travel down her body, where her hand is still gripping a bloodied knife. 

This is when Finnick realizes that something is very, very wrong. 

He probably should have seen it sooner, but between the blood loss and betrayal, it’s hard to accept. That can’t be Annie. 

Someone comes over to take Annie away, and Finnick slips into darkness. 

***

He tries to keep track of the voices he hears around him, but it quickly becomes impossible. They must have Finnick on morphling because his world is hazy and soft. 

“Open your eyes.”

He’s not so sure he wants to. Who’s going to be waiting to stab him this time?

“Finnick, come on.”

That’s a voice he recognizes. Finnick’s eyes peel open involuntarily. Even now, he’s not good at sitting still. “Johanna?”

“Yeah,” she says. She’s sitting on a chair by his hospital bed, looking like she’d rather be anywhere else. “They let me out of the hospital just to talk to you. Lucky me.”

“Talk to me about what?” he asks, blinking against the fluorescent lighting. 

Johanna doesn’t mince her words. “When we were in the Capitol, they messed with Annie’s mind. Turned her against you. They did it with Peeta too.”

“I don’t understand,” says Finnick. Maybe it’s that he doesn’t want to understand. 

“It’s called hijacking. Something with tracker jacker venom, I don’t know. And before you lose your mind over this, she’s already showing signs of progress. More than Peeta, anyway. Probably because she’s older.”

His head is spinning. There’s way too much going on right now and not enough morphling in the world to deal with it. In all of his nightmarish scenarios his mind ran through while Annie was in the Capitol, Finnick hadn’t ever considered this. Turning Annie against him feels impossible somehow, even though he’s sitting in a hospital bed with bandages wrapped tight against his abdomen where she stabbed him. 

“What do we do?” he asks after a second, voice hoarse. “How do we help her get better?”

“Do I look like a doctor?” Johanna asks, and Finnick gives a shrug. “Look, some of the doctors suggested writing a note. It might trigger positive memories of you without you actually being in stabbing vicinity.”

It’s a good enough idea for him, so Finnick spends the next half hour trying to procure a pen and some paper. Figuring out what to write takes a lot less time. It’s an old poem he wrote for her when she turned twenty, and they invited all of Victor’s Village to a party on her boat. Thinking of that day still makes him smile. Kai, the second oldest resident of the Village, had gotten Annie a year long supply of cat food. It’s a very practical gift for someone who has a cat, which Annie doesn’t. 

He sends the poem along with Johanna and waits and waits for some kind of response. His note is delivered back to him not even a full day later, and Finnick is fully ready to let his mind slip away when he notices shaky handwriting on the back. 

Still a better gift than the cat food.

[sabo-has-my-heart]

Hi :D

I need to say that I love your writing very much. You're literally so amazing at describing characters and their emotions , their actions and the background as well!

Tho, If you feel comfortable enough - Can you make headcanon or drabble (choice is up to you) about Platonic!Roger Pirates and Whitebeard Pirates having a young crewmate that is very mature but is really self-sacrificial? By that I mean , they are not a fighter but don't want to be burden so they do anything they can to not be useless in their opinion?

So I did headcanons because I'm not good with drabbles. It's either 800-900 words minimum or nothing. I don't do drabbles. That being said, I hope you enjoy this, just remember this is just how I see them.

Word Count: 900

Roger Pirates

Roger totally pouts about you being very mature

You’re a kid, you should be enjoying life!

Orders the crew to give you as few chores as possible.

That’s not to say you don’t do plenty, just that Roger doesn’t assign it to you.

Constantly telling you to go have fun and enjoy the sunshine.

Part of you wants to, you want to make him happy, you kind of want to go have fun.

But what if you become a burden by doing so?

What if you cause trouble like Buggy and Shanks?

Nope! Not gonna happen!

And you go right back to helping out. 

Rayleigh has had to forcibly stop you before.

Actually picked you up, set you in a chair, and ordered you to enjoy a small dessert.

In his defense, you’d been working yourself pretty hard at the time.

The entire crew knows not to wake you in the morning unless necessary. 

It’s not that they don’t want your help, but they’re worried about you.

Rayleigh suggests a therapist. 

You got so caught up in taking care of things that you missed the appointments.

The crew honestly tries their best to get you to stop and relax.

They’ve seen you overwork yourself, it wasn’t pretty and they all felt terrible for not stopping you sooner.

You still find plenty to do though.

Them not telling you to help actually makes you feel worse. 

You’re being a burden by trying not to be a burden!

Rayleigh realizes this and you, Roger and Rayleigh reach an agreement.

You’re to do the chores you’re given and no more unless asked.

Buggy and Shanks aren’t allowed to ask you for help. 

You’re allowed to get the usual early wake up call, but you have to spend a mandatory 2 hours being a kid and having fun.

Your fun usually involves helping Crocus organize the infirmary or just talking with Shanks (and keeping him out of trouble).

Neither Roger nor Rayleigh are happy about it, but they accept that it makes you happy so they don’t say anything.

You tell them that you just don’t want to be a burden… They laughed.

They told you that you were a kid, the only thing kids should worry about is being kids, not about being burdens. 

Still, if doing a certain amount each day gets you to have fun later, they’ll take what they can get.

Whitebeard Pirates

Oh dear.

If you think Roger was bad, try dealing with his son.

Ace loves goofing off and causing trouble.

Haruta also likes causing trouble. 

The two try to get you in on their trouble very, very often.

Not that they do, but they’re really trying to get you to enjoy life. 

Unfortunately, watching them cause trouble and make messes only makes you want to do more.

Their jobs as commanders are important and they’re great fighters, but damn do they cause trouble for people. 

Marco, Izou, and Thatch help though. 

They keep you busy but also keep you from overworking yourself.

Thatch will give you easy tasks in the kitchen, Marco will give you simple tasks in the infirmary. 

It’s always stuff that’s ‘important but I just don’t have the time’. 

Izou helps in a rather odd way. He insists on spa days with you, says your company is relaxing, that he needs someone he can talk to but not like Ace or Thatch.

So you take spa days with him.

He actually really does like your company and it does help him relax, but it’s 90% for your sake.

Even Whitebeard has you help him. 

He’s 20 ft tall, Luffy literally fits in his giant hand! He needs someone to help him with small things. 

You’re young and small, so you do a lot of things he’s ‘too big’ for. Could he technically order things in his size? Yes, but that would be a lot of money when he has someone small who can do it for him.

At least, that’s what he tells people. 

You’re often busy this way but actually do very little work.

Which was their intention.

You’re a kid, they don’t want you being too grown up but they know if they try and stop you, you’ll find other ways.

So they keep you busy while making things easy. 

Organizing things, sorting produce, spa days, writing out various orders from the captain, reading off lists made by the commanders, all stuff that requires very little actual work but is still important to each of the commanders.

Ace and Haruta try to make their tasks fun as well.

Sometimes it works, sometimes it just annoys you.

Are they mocking you by doing this?

Whitebeard does have one very strict rule for you though.

No working after dinner, the time between dinner and bed is to be spent winding down and getting ready for bed.

Someone once caught you trying to clean the kitchen counters after dinner to make life easier for Thatch. 

Whitebeard ‘grounded’ you for a week. You weren’t allowed to help anyone with anything, you felt awful.

Ace and Haruta were assigned to you to make sure of that.

You never disobeyed the rule again.

It’s not that you don’t want to have fun, but you just really don’t want to be a burden to anyone. 

You spend some of the time after dinner just doing what you want to do.

[vacantgodling]

i know what you’re saying

wip: paramour (slums au)

characters: amon (16) & hya (18; who goes by ‘cinth’ in this au)

cinth has made up his mind, even if that decision breaks amon.

tw(s): none unless you feel weird about teens kissing ig. also the girls are fighting but it devolves into emotional things.

“They’re just gonna laugh at you!” Amon finally shouted. His voice reverberated through the alleyway, shaking the brick foundations to their core. Cinth stared at him, wide-eyed. “They’re going to laugh and say ‘who the fuck is this wannabe bastard, fake-rich loser who’s just asking for fucking handouts because his daddy dropped him’!”

“You don’t fucking know that.” As always, when Cinth got angry, his already deep voice dropped to a visceral near growl, but his eyes were still wider and flightier than Amon knew was his real anger. He must’ve swung a hammer at some wedged in nail of insecurity that dug deep into the pits of Cinth’s chest.

Amon did what he did best. He stepped into Cinth’s space and pushed. Literally pushed—shoving the older teen back into the brick behind him as if to instill some fight in him. Amon was never good with words. He was only good with his fists. He expected Cinth to shove him back—shove him like when they were kids and ended up on the ground in a heap, pulling each other’s hair and shouting at each other, then eating frozen cream together an hour later. But this wasn’t that kind of fight. He saw it in Cinth’s eyes. Saw Cinth’s hands ball into fists by his side; saw his jaw clench. But he didn’t swing. He squared his stance, but didn’t take the bait.

“I belong there.” Cinth insisted—defiant, but almost like he was trying to tell himself that. “Just because ma is a streetwalker doesn’t mean my father wasn’t from money. It doesn’t mean that some of that inheritance isn’t mine.”

“They don’t care about that shit up there!” Amon sneered. He didn’t know how else to make Cinth get it. They didn’t care what Cinth was or wasn’t owed—to them, he was an outsider. An outsider who was taking money they’d rather shove in their pockets. They wouldn’t stand for that, they’d sooner throw him into Debtor’s Labyrinth than fork over money. “It’s the law.” Cinth said factually, jaw clicking. Amon stared at him like he’d grown two heads.

“You think they care about law? Hell—when have you ever cared about law?” Amon gestured around them, not just to the dawn-dark alley they were shouting in, but to all of Lower Halifax in its entirety. “This place exists there is no fucking law that anyone gives a damn about!”

“I don’t care about the law morally, dipshit.” Cinth growled. “I care about it legally. They can’t disinherit me if I have proof of my birth and that my father knew of me—”

“You don’t—”

“I do.” Cinth finally did react and he pushed himself into Amon’s space. Even though he had to look up at him now, looking down into Cinth’s deep brown eyes with fire and brimstone raging behind them wasn’t any less knee-weakening. Amon felt his chest start to pound harder; adrenaline for a fight, maybe. But also that something else that he never wanted to put a name to.

“What the fuck do you think I’ve been doing for the past eight months? Going up to Upper Halifax for my health?”

“Well I wouldn’t fucking know!” Amon threw his hands up. “You wouldn’t tell me shit!”

“Because I know you,” And oh how that stung. “And I knew you’d react like this.”

“Even if you have some grounds to stand on they still won’t accept you. They’ll find some way to push you out.” Cinth only stared at him. Maybe petulantly, if you accounted for the downturn of his lips and furrow of his brows, but mostly just in annoyance. “I know. Because the same happened to me when I was there.” He’d never told Cinth this. Why was he telling him this. Cinth didn’t say anything and didn’t give him any yay or nay to continue, but Amon found that now that he was saying it, he couldn’t stop talking.

“My mom. She—she died. Y’know? The scars I have. I should’ve been dead too. But at the hospital this… this couple—like old money rich couple from Dalry or something like… The Farrah’s okay? They took me in. Paid for my health. Nursed me. Told me they couldn’t have kids and so they wanted me to be their child. I—I couldn’t. I mean. I tried. For the second year I was there. Went to some Galas and like…. tried doing the noble thing but like. If it wasn’t my scars, then it was that I didn’t belong. The other kids they—fuck, they were peachy compared to the adults. They looked at Lady Farrah so… disgusted. I heard her crying herself to sleep and like. I couldn’t take it anymore. I came back. Here. I thought I made a shit choice but then, I met you, and like—you can’t just l-leave me.” Amon’s barely pubescent voice finally cracked. He was biting down hard on his tongue to try and keep his lower lip from trembling but it was far too late for that now.

And even worse, suddenly the tension in the air just drained. Drained because Amon was biting his tongue and sniffing and looking absolutely pathetic in front of Cinth, who was regarding him impassively. The fight left his stance, but he didn’t reach out. Yet. Well—Amon knew Cinth was shit at comforting anyway, and he’d learned by now never to expect him to. So, color him surprised when Cinth out of nowhere reached out and gently tugged him by the front of his ragged ass linen shirt, and wrapped his arms around him for a tentative embrace. It was strange, and clinical—yet more than anything he’d ever offered in terms of affection before.

Amon clutched the back of Cinth’s marginally nice satin shirt like a lifeline between his fingers, hunched over into Cinth’s arms, and began to slowly release the dam of emotions building behind his eyes.

It was a long moment before either of them spoke.

“I’m not leaving forever.” Cinth’s voice was hushed, and burned itself like a prayer into the shell of Amon’s ears. “Just for a little while.”

“Even that’s too much.” Amon mumbled. Selfishly, he squeezed Cinth tighter. “It’s too much to ever be away from you.” He had to know what he meant. Had to.

“Would you come with me?” This whisper was even quieter than the first. It was like Cinth could barely stand to say it but…

“What about Knox? Erecia? Your mom?” Amon said into the crook of Cinth’s neck as tears finally managed to flow further than his eyes. “I’m asking you.” The usual edge returned to Cinth’s voice, even though he was still holding Amon, for Vat’s sake.

It was a long moment before Amon said: “You know I can’t.” Why he couldn’t—Amon barely knew himself. But he just… he knew. Somewhere deep inside of him, an uncharted part of a map of his soul he wasn’t prepared for.

“Then I’m going.” Cinth’s voice was firm. “… Alone.” He finally said and Amon’s heart shattered. Cinth finally pulled back to look at him. His gaze was unreadable—but it always was. Never had Amon more desperately wanted to know what he was thinking, or what he would say.

He didn’t expect that Cinth would tug him again, pulling him down by his shirt once more, but this time until their faces were aligned and Cinth pressed a kiss to his startled lips. And he didn’t pull away immediately either—that’s how Amon thought their first kiss would go ever since he’d dreamed it nearly 4 years ago. He kept pressing, waiting for Amon to react and begin to melt like wax over an open fire. And when Amon pressed back, returning that effortless pressure, Cinth surprised him even more by tilting his head and opening his mouth. A rough, startled “mm!” left Amon’s lips, because he was helpless to this soft, thorough, determined kiss that by the end of it left both of them breathless.

Cinth cleared his throat after a minute.

“I swear I’ll be back for you.”

And what else could Amon do but nod, still dumbstruck when Cinth finally detangled himself from their impromptu embrace. They didn’t say another word because, really… what else could be said? Cinth was going to leave and not even love was enough to make him stay. That stung more than it should’ve. Really. And as Cinth walked into the morning dawn, his plans and opportunities ripe for the execution, Amon turned his back away from it, slipping effortlessly back into the false midnight of Central Halifax.

[johnnycakesswitch]

I just saw the stress eating head anon and I can so see them just being so upset and sad about it every time :( Do you have any headcanons you have for that?? I feel like it’s right up your alley and your hurt/comfort is always super cute! If not that’s okay! Just figured I’d ask if you had any first!

🦁 anon

I’ll definitely try! I’m sorry I didn’t get to this sooner I’ve just been busy!

Darry

• I feel like Darry would feel really guilty because he wants to put his brothers first and feels like he’s wasting food

• tends to kinda just shut himself away when it happens because he’s embarrassed and doesn’t feel good mentally about it

• usually pretty good at hiding it because it tends to happen late at night after work when he’s just awake with his thoughts. If he’s noticeably stressed around his brothers they’ll try to distract him or get him to talk about what’s wrong which usually helps a lot

• sometimes Soda or Pony will come out to get water at night and see Darry just sitting at the table by himself eating chocolate cake and since they’re all stress eaters they know what’s happening so they’ll just pull him to the couch and sit close and either try and get Darry to talk or just watch tv for a little until Darry wants to go to bed, usually feeling a little better

Soda

• gets upset over stress eating for different reasons. Soda gets upset bc his tummy hurts now 😔

• his stress eating is arguably the worst because he has a really sensitive stomach and has eaten himself sick on multiple occasions

• doesn’t even realize he’s doing it a lot, he’ll just eat a bunch of junk food throughout the day when he’s stressed about something then later is like 🤢

• whenever Darry and Pony notice him doing it they’ll try to like gently steer him away from eating so much by either distracting him with something else or asking what’s wrong because getting things off his chest helps Soda a lot

• when he does overeat though and inevitably makes himself sick it’s usually Darry who will take care of him. He’ll let Soda lay in his lap on the couch and rub his stomach because Soda hates being nauseous and throwing up so Darry will try to help settle him down and make him drink ginger ale. Pony offers emotional support from a distance when Soda is throwing up but he’ll definitely cuddle him afterwards <3

Pony

• it’s the worst for him when he’s worried about school stuff like if it’s finals season or something. Also like Darry he’ll stress eat at night time but usually because he stays up late studying

• one time him and Darry went to the kitchen to get food at the same time in the middle of the night and just stared at each other like 👁️ 👄 👁️ that night was a little productive at least bc they both knew what was up and talked it out instead of stress eating. Yay healthy coping habits!

• he’s usually just embarrassed when he realizes he ate so much so he’ll try to hide it but the others always notice because Pony is like super bad at hiding when he’s uncomfortable. His face is literally like 😟 the entire time

• they know he gets embarrassed and doesn’t want to make it worse so they won’t directly point it out but they’ll be more affectionate with him and try to make him feel better. Darry will leave him a glass of water and ruffle his hair and rub at his neck when he’s walking by and Soda will cuddle Pony in bed and rub his belly for him which always puts Pony to sleep so fast

The good thing about them all dealing with this is that they can very easily help each other <3

[cal-daisies-and-briars]

🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟🧟 maybe a zombie apocalypse wouldn’t be so bad

168 or 1k to bring on that apocalypse, whatever I hit first haha:

---

“I know that!” Buck exclaims. “That’s not what I’m getting at!”

“Then what?” Karen asks. 

Buck sighs. “Okay, maybe it’s still not a great time to think about it… But, like, what do I do about me?” 

“About you?” Maddie asks. 

“Yeah!” Buck nods, eyes wide and kind of bugging. “Like, this changes a lot. And I get that we kind of need to be focused on whooping intruder ass. But I’m a little… Shaken?”

“Shaken that you had sex with a hot guy and liked it?” Maddie asks. “And want to do it again?”

“Well… Yeah?”

Maddie and Karen exchange a look. Karen doesn’t know Maddie very well. She likes her. She just doesn’t know her. But they both know Buck. And Karen is fairly certain they both know where Buck is struggling here.

“Well, uh…” Maddie says. “I haven’t been through this, but… I think anytime you learn something big about yourself, it’s a good thing, right? Even if it’s maybe sort of scary at first?”

“And,” Karen adds. “It only has to mean what you want it to mean.” 

“What I want it to mean?”” Buck asks.

Karen nods. “It’s up to you, Buck. There’s no right or wrong answer.”

Buck considers this. 

“I don’t have to figure it out? Make some sort of announcement about myself?” 

“Nope,” Karen shakes her head. “The Department of Gay Registrations was shut down during the zombie apocalypse.”

Buck gapes. “Wait, hold up… Oh. You’re joking.”

Maddie snorts. “Of course she’s joking.”

“You don’t have to do anything at all except be patient with yourself,” Karen says. 

Buck smiles softly.

“And,” she adds. “If you’d be so inclined… You can help us build a bomb?”

Buck grins. “Oh, fuck yeah.”

September 10th, 2018

Karen can hardly sleep that night. She tosses and turns and lets restless hours pass her by. Her eyes and brain are begging her for rest, but there’s an underlying buzz in her body, avoiding sleep. 

It’s not because she’s scared. 

The trap is all set. She, Maddie, and Buck worked well into the night. If the men who assailed them today have friends, and those friends try anything, they’ll be sorry. Karen is sure of that. Proud of that. This is her family. She found a way to protect them. She’s a fucking bad ass, even if she was never a firefighter and, like her wife, not fond of guns. 

So it’s not fear that keeps Karen awake. It’s anticipation.

Maybe that sounds sick. Maybe Karen is a total freak for wanting a bomb to go off sooner rather than later. It’s not like she looks forward to the explosion or the carnage. Really, she doesn’t. For no other reason than it will cause a fucking mess. But… Well, Karen just sort of wants to get it over with. See how well it works. Hopefully be rid of a threat. Maybe be able to fucking relax for a week. A lofty aspiration, she knows. 

Hen comes back from a security camera shift around four in the morning.

“Babe, you’re awake?” She whispers when she sees Karen. 

“Unfortunately,” Karen replies. 

“You need to sleep, Karen. You’re going to fry your brain.”

“Thank you. I hadn’t try that,” Karen replies tightly. 

“Sorry,” Hen sighs. She walks over and lowers herself down beside Karen on the mattress. “I get it, though. It’s been a hell of a day.”

“No kidding,” Karen replies, sitting up to match her eye-level. “Tomorrow will be weird, too.”

Even if they don’t face retaliation for what happened. There’s still a bunch of extra people in the library and everything is up in the air and… Well, Karen wants things to go back to a sense of normalcy. But she has a sense they won’t. They’ve made contact with so many people, fantastic and… Not. If zombies are less of a threat and people are coming out of the woodworks… Karen has a feeling things are going to be different in a big way. She just wants it to be positive. 

“Do you think the girl gang will leave?” Hen asks.

Karen snorts. “You’re only saying it like that because you’re jealous.”

Hen chuckles. “Maybe a little. But I’m not jumping ship."

“Me neither,” Karen says. “I like our family.”

“Me too,” Hen smiles. 

“Maybe I’d sleep better with someone to keep the bed a bit warmer,” Karen suggests with a wink.

“Oh? So I’m not a cover hog?”

“Not tonight, you better not be.”

“Well, come on,” Hen says, wriggling under the covers. “The night only has a few hours left.”

[player1064]

Ok after the amazing angst one about their first time might I request a hurt/comfort… I love the complications of them being secretly together as players. Maybe Gary (srry bby) gets injured in a match and it’s scholes that has to tell Jamie and that’s how they come out to their friends or to the world, maybe Jamie’s there, idkkkkkk but something in the following of the SAF finding out one? 😁❤️

tbh like. at this point this is fully just a full length fic. perhaps I'm insane about them...

LOVE the idea of them being together in their playing days. wish I could find footage of Gary breaking his ankle but there's none!!!!!

Set as a sort of prequel to this one from a few days ago

---

17th March 2007

Jamie is on the team bus headed for Birmingham when it happens. Up front, the radio is playing match coverage, but he’s sat further back, he and Stevie too busy holding court with the players sat around them to pay it much attention. It’s always a good idea to keep an eye on what United are doing, but as it stands they’re twenty points clear of Liverpool and are certainly going to get another three today – it’s only Bolton, and they’re at home too.

So, he’s on the bus when it happens, but he doesn’t find out until the team is sat around watching Match of the Day later that evening. Even then, he doesn’t get to see the footage, the only mention that anything happened at all being a short “Gary Neville came off after 11 minutes with an ankle injury.”

His teammates cheer and Jamie tries to laugh along, but all he can think is why hasn’t he texted.

“Reckon that’s him off England squad this summer, then” Stevie says, grinning, “finally, some peace and quiet. An’ they’ll be needing someone to step in for ‘im, Carra, you might get more minutes.”

“I fuckin’ hate playin’ right back,” he groans, rolling his eyes (why hasn’t he texted why hasn’t he texted why hasn’t he texted).

He makes a show of looking at the clock, says something about needing to call his parents to let them know he’s got to the hotel alright, and high-tails it out of there to go back to his and Stevie’s empty room.

Still no texts, so he brings Gary’s number up and calls, pacing the floor while it rings.

It takes longer than usual, but eventually he’s greeted with a quiet “’lo?” and breathes a sigh of relief.

“Are y’alright, love?” he asks quickly, his words rushing together. “Only just heard, else I’d’ve called sooner – what ‘appened? That twat Lineker was so vague.”

There’s a long pause, long enough that Jamie starts to wonder if his signal’s dropped out, and then:

A voice which he now hears is definitely not Gary, saying “this is Scholes.”

“Fuck,” he hisses, and snaps his phone shut.

His phone starts ringing a few seconds later.

Jamie, because maybe he’s a bit stupid, answers it.

“Yeah?”

“Er,” he hears Scholes say, “Who’m I speakin’ to, exactly? Gaz’s only got this number saved as ‘J’.”

“Um,” Jamie says, panicking. “I’m just a friend of ‘is, heard he got injured so wanted to check he were alright.”

“’e’s still waitin’ on some scans, but they reckon it’s broken,” Scholes says. “Gaz doesn’t really have friends, does he, outside of team. An’ you sound –”

“—Okay, good t’hear he’s alright, bye then.”

Jamie snaps his phone shut again and tosses it onto his bed, wipes both hands down his face.

Broken. Fuck. That’s him out for the remainder of the season, then, he’ll be devastated. At least he’s already racked up enough appearances to get a medal when United inevitably win the league, not that the prick needs another one of those.

This thing of theirs, whatever it actually is, it’s not been going on that long. Not even a full year, if you’re ignoring the few mistaken fumbles at England camps over the years and only counting from when they’d made it – not official, exactly, because again Jamie’s not entirely sure what it is they’d be making official – but as close to official as it’s likely to get.

Gary, the prick, would probably give him a smack if he said all that to him. It all comes a lot easier to him, the – the words, and the feelings. Jamie can almost hear him now, why’s everythin’ always so complicated w’you, Jamie, stop bein’ a baby and just admit I’m your boyfriend.

His ankle is probably broken. Jamie should be there.

He has a match tomorrow.

He sits on the end of his bed, hunched over with his head in his hands while he tries to sort through the mess in his head to work out what he’s meant to do. There’s a buzzing in his head that feels so loud he doesn’t notice the soft click of the door opening until there’s a dip in the mattress beside him and Stevie’s hand patting him on the shoulder.

“Y’alright, lad?” he asks gently, shifting his hand to rub firm circles on Jamie’s back. “We’re headin’ down for dinner soon, boss sent me to find you.”

“I’m fine,” he says automatically, but when he looks up he can see the disbelief in Stevie’s face. “I am, I just – if somethin’ happened to Alex, like, if she’d been hurt. Would you go home? Even if you’re meant to be startin’ tomorrow?”

“Of course,” Stevie replies, like he doesn’t even have to think about it. “’Course I would, you know that. She’s – y’know, she’s the mother of my children, in’t she? I’d drop anythin’.”

Jamie groans, puts his face back in his hands. “’s not helpful, Stevie.”

“Well, no, ‘cause you don’t ‘ave kids.” Stevie pauses for a second, frowns. “Unless you –”

“—No!” Jamie says quickly, shaking his head. “Christ, y’think I could ‘ave a secret family? Give us a break. No, it’s just – I dunno, I been seein’ someone, for a little bit now, and somethin’s happened, and – and I feel like I’m meant to go home, aren’t I? Help out? But I –”

“But you can’t miss the game tomorrow,” Stevie finishes for him, because of course he knows that, he knows him, knows how his head works. “So there’s yer answer. Carra, she won’t hold it against you. If she – I mean, does she love you? Are the two of yous, like – why’ve you not said anythin’?”

Jamie feels a twinge of guilt. “’s complicated,” he says with a sigh. “But we – I s’pose so, yeah. I s’pose you might say that we’re – that.”

Stevie, god bless the man, seems to lose any trace of annoyance or upset over being left out of the loop, and throws an arm around Jamie’s shoulder with a grin. “My boy’s in love!” he says, squeezing Jamie tight. “Too much of a prick to tell ‘is best mate, but what else is fuckin’ new? Look, Jay, I know you, don’t I? And if she knows you, then she’ll know you ‘ave to play this game. Long as she’s not dyin’, I’m sure she’ll understand waitin’ ‘til tomorrow evenin’ for you to get home.”

“Ha,” Jamie says humourlessly, still feeling guilt clawing away at his insides, “prob’ly won’t notice if I’m there or not, anyway.”

Stevie pats him on the shoulder one last time and then stands back up, nodding his head towards the door in question.

Jamie gets up too, but they’ve only taken a couple of steps towards the door when another wave of guilt crashes into him and he blurts out “Stevie –”

“I’m bloody starving, Carra, c’mon now.”

“Stevie,” he says again, clenching his fists at his sides. He can’t look at Stevie, is staring up at the ceiling instead as he says “’s not a girl. That I’ve been seein’. That’s why I couldn’t tell you.”

There’s a long pause, where it feels like the air between them is humming, and then Stevie just nods and says “okay.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

They make it all the way out of the room and into the lift down to the dining room when Stevie’s brow furrows for a second and then he turns to Jamie, eyes wide.

“Carra,” he says grimly, “please tell me the guy you’ve been seeing that’s got hurt today’s not another footballer.”

Jamie feels himself blush. “Um,” he replies.

“Jesus fuckin’ Christ, Jamie, what is wrong w’you?”

*

When Gary is wheeled back into his private hospital room, it’s to the sight of Scholesy sat in an armchair looking thoughtfully at the phone in his hands.

He blinks when he hears Gary come in, looks up with a grimace. “X-ray gone alright?”

Gary shrugs, looks away. “Broken,” he says, trying to sound nonchalant. “Like they thought. Guess it’s gonna be more’n just three weeks out, then.”

Scholesy sighs, deflating slightly. “’m sorry, Gaz.”

“Is what it is. They said I can go home now, at least, so that’s somethin’. You got all my things?”

“Yeah, give us a second,” Scholesy says, turning around to rummage through the pockets of the coat that’s hanging on the back of his chair. He pulls another phone out, opens it up. “I’ll call us a cab, yeah? Want me to stay at yours tonight?”

It takes a second to compute that if the new phone is Scholesy’s, then the one he’d been staring at when Gary came in was –

“Erm. Were there any calls for me, while I was out?”

“Yeah,” Scholesy says, back to sounding sort of distant.

Please be from my mum, Gary thinks desperately, almost wanting to squeeze his eyes shut while he waits for Scholesy to elaborate.

“Um, texts from the family, of course. But just the one call.”

He hands the phone back to Gary, who opens up the call log to see exactly what he was hoping he wouldn’t.

Still, there’s a little glowy feeling in his chest at the fact he’d called.

“Ah,” he says. “Did you, er, d’you speak to him?”

“For a minute,” Scholesy says carefully. “Said he were a friend of yours.”

“Yeah,” Gary says with a relieved chuckle. His idiot boyfriend is good for something, after all. “Yeah, he’s a good friend. Good of him to check up on us.”

Except, then Scholesy adds: “Sounded Scouse.”

“Ah, yeah,” he replies, rubs a hand over his jaw. “Well, can’t hold it against him, I s’pose.”

Except, then Scholesy looks him dead in the eye and says: “Called you ‘love’.”

Fuck,

Fuck.

“Scholesy,” he says, feeling panic rise up inside him, “Scholesy, I can explain –”

“First boyfriend in how many years and it’s a bloody Scouser,” Scholesy mutters, which –

Which isn’t what Gary had thought he’d say, not even close.

“You don’t – you don’t mind that he’s – that he’s a man?”

Scholesy frowns at him like he’s lost his marbles. “Well, what else would he be?”

“I – a woman, Scholesy!” Gary screeches.

“But you’re gay?”

“You’re not meant to know that!”

Scholesy’s eyes flit up towards the ceiling. “Oh my god,” he mutters. He looks back at Gary, voice even. “You are so annoying, d’you know that? Nobody cares about the gay thing.”

“Oh,” Gary says, even though his head is screaming other people know too???

“He sounded worried, your lad on the phone.”

Gary feels himself relax a bit as it finally clicks how nice it is to be able to talk about this. “Yeah,” he says fondly, “’cause he’s bloody stupid.”

Scholesy hums thoughtfully. “What’s ‘is name?”

Ah, right. There is still that one, teeny tiny little problem.

“Um,” he says. “’s name’s Jamie.”

There’s a brief second while Scholesy’s brain works through the complicated equation of ‘Jamie + Scouser’, and Gary can tell the exact moment it computes because his eyes go wide and he says “Carragher?”