#we should not be shamed for healing

[artfulravioli]

THIS! So many of my friends I have had to save and lift up because the second person I told an adult was thinking of suicide was hospitalized and drugged.

Even when I struggled, I did my best to follow my own advice because the fear of being locked away and injected with things I just have to trust they're telling the truth on is overpowering. Sooo many mental hospitals are actually horrible and very few are good. Its genuinely horrifying.

I should not have been a young teenager holding myself up while I help up others. Some of these people I don't even speak to anymore, but they have thanked me endlessly and shared stories of what has happened to them in hospitals since then or to friends who got put in hospitals. Something needs to change, badly.

suicidal people deserve a space to talk about their suicidal feelings without risking hospitalization/institutionalization or being accused of being manipulative or attention seeking

[ancha-aus]

RealAgeAU - Doctor Visit

*whispers* pppssssttt @spotaus the next one is here :3

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We do have a warning for this one though, as it will refer child abuse, mental and physical. And wounds and what comes with it.

I am not going to make it graphic but if it bothers you please be careful with reading :)

Otherwise no beta or edits. I write these in one go and just let them live :D

Fun fact, this was originally going to be a Dust pov chapter but I realised that Ngihtmare pov would be more interesting! Also fun fact!! This was suposed to be a lot shorter but then i got typing and i realised some characters were not going to accept certain things without a good explanation and well... here we are.... i regret nothing.

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Nightmare pulls on his shirt as he looks down at it.

Cross hums "Nervous?"

Ngihtmare huffs and shrugs. Yes. but he doesn't want to say so.

Cross gently rubs his spine through the shirt "Yeah I get it. I never liked my health backups either."

Nightmare frowns but feels a bit less stupid about not wanting this health check. It is just stupid! His four... his four already check his old wounds! There is a reason they don't let him bath alone.

Nightmare finally finds the right words and mutters "It is just... not needed... You guys check them."

Cross is silent before Nightmare yelps as he is picked up easily. He shoots Cross a glare but Cross just keeps smiling and hugs him close with a purr "We get it Night. But we are worried too. We need to make sure that everything really is healing as we think it is. None of us are medical professionals." Cross smiles at him "please?"

Nightmare shrugs as he leans into the hold. It is nice. comfortable and warm. He hadn't realised how much he had missed hugs and being held. Last time anyone wanted to hug him this much was when he still lived with Dream and even Dream's hugs had been short or more of just leaning. His four just, hold him for as long as they like. Which can go on for the whole day.

It is nice.

Cross nuzzles his skull "And you won't be alone. Dust will be with you the whole time."

Nightmare nods. He ahd asked the day before why just Dust. Dust had explained they had agreed it would be for the best to just have one of them there to keep an eye on it. Killer hadn't wanted to get attention on him because of his soul and Horror had had much the same reason. His skull may look like a mess but it is very stable. Neither had wanted to take the focus away from Nightmare as he, according to them, needed it most.

And with Cross now again admitting health checks make him nervous. It is no wonder it would be Dust.

Nightmare gives a slow nod "true..." and you can't remove Dust unless he wants to be removed. Nightmare had known that since he first met the other skeleton.

Cross nods and smiles "See? Perfectly okay." he stands up and Nightmare gets lifted wiht him. Nightmare for his part just grabs hold on Cross's shirt to stay steady as they leave their attic.

The week they had been here is honestly amazing. Nightmare gets to relax more and read his book on the couch. At elast one of them is always nearby.

It is still weird that Crop, and his brother Straw, are so... nice. Nightmare isn't used to others being nice to him.

It is weird.

He can accept it from his four. But that is different, they are different. They are special and actually care, that is why they are nice and came back to him... for him.

Nightmare leans against Cross as they get downstairs. Dust and Horror are discussing things as Killer sits by the window staring outside.

Cross grins at the others "All clean and ready ti mingle!" Cross easily walks over to Dust and Nightmare feels himself be handed over to the other skeleton.

Nightmare can feel the difference between their holds and feels the other magic near. It is nice and familiar nad Nightmare just leans agaisnt Dust.

Dust leans close and nuzzles him "You okay? We can still call it off." Cross shoots Dust a disapproving look but Dust ignores him.

Nightmare is appreciates it but shakes his skull "It is fine. It is needed..." He huffs and crosses his arms as he looks to the side "It is just stupid." he doesnt want to do this.

Dust nods "Needed things often are stupid. It is honestly a terrible system." and another nuzzle and Ngihtmare feels a bit better.

Crop, who had been watching from the kitchen, walks over "so... who is gonna go the talking? Do you all want to be there?" and he waits.

Killer doens't look away from the window but answers "Dusty will stay with Nightmare throuhg it all. We will stay in the living room."

Crop nods "Right right." he looks a bit more nervous "You got a story straight?"

Ngihtmare huffs and mutters against Dust's shoulder "There is nothing straight about that story."

Dust freezes before snorting and trying to smother his laughing. Horror, who had been close enough to hear too, grins widely.

Cross and Killer btoh turn to them confused, same for Crop.

Dust snorts and shrugs but Horror answers "We spoke about it before hand." and Horror shoots Dust a look.

Dust looks actively pained "Yes we spoke about it."

Cross smiles at Crop's worried look "it is fine! Dust is great at this stuff. He won't share everything of what happened but will tell the healer enough to really sell it and get rumours flowing."

Ngihtmare nods and feels... happy? Pride? he isn't sure but he always knew his four were special and amazing and this just proves it again.

Crop blinks and nods "okay. As long as that is the case... She should be here any moment. She is the head doctor and head healer in our town and anything in her clinic goes through her. She is really nice and just wants to help though so no worries okay?" and he grins.

Nightmare is once again reminded of what is coming and feels hismelf grow more tense as he turns slightly to be clsoer to Dust. Dust just holds him closer and nuzzles him. Dust doesn't say anyhting but it still helps. it feels nice... it is safe.

Crop looks troubled but before he can say anything Killer turns sharply to the window again "Car just stopped. a deer monster got out." and he glances at Crop.

Crop smiles and rushes to the door "That is her. euh. just act-" he turns but before he can say anything Dust and Ngihtmare are already on the couch, Nightmare is still in his lap and has a book in his hands. Nightmare cna spot Killer by the table wiht some playing cards, already having a few made to form a house of cards. Cross is by the tv playing around with the channels as Horror sets water up for tea.

Crop blinks as he softly mutters the rest of his sentence "-act natural..." moments later a knock on the door.

Ngihtmare pushes closer to Dust and Dust takes the book from his shaking hands and starts reading it out loud.

Crop opens the door and Nightmare can't even focus on the calm voice of Dust or the fact the others are around. as Killer had said, the doctor is a deer monster of some kind. she has rather impressive antlers for her kind as she greets Crop with a familiarity.

Crop turns to the room and grins "Guys. This is Fauna. She is the head doctor in town and she is nice and very profesional!" and he waits.

Nightmare watches as Killer huffs as he looks her up and down "... I see." he walks over to Dust and Nightmare and Nightmare suddenly gets another skull nuzzling him.

Dust chuckles as he calmly puts the book away "Careful Kills, he just had a bath and your goop tends to stick."

Killer pouts at him "kill joy."

Nightmare blinks between them as he lounges against Dust. He glances back and sees a soft smile on Fauna's face. Ah. Right. make sure to show what you want them to see.

Dust looks up at Fauna and nods "I will be staying with him through his checkup." it is an announcement.

Fauna smiles and crosses her arms "oh really? I am sure we will discuss that." she looks at Crop "Where can we have this conversation and checkup?"

Crop smiles "The kitchen! come this way." and Crop leads Fauna there.

Dust rises to his feet and Nightmare cna see both Cross and Killer shoot him nervous glances.

Dust just huffs "I got this." and walks towards the kitchen. Just in time to see Horror pour some mugs of tea and setting two aside.

Horror looks at Dust "Chamomile and lemon." He smiles at Nightmare and points to the other "Lavender and peach." he nods to Crop and Fauna and silently leaves the kitchen.

Dust takes a seat before taking a sip of his own tea. Nightmare grabs his own mug and sips it. It is nice, easily with the intent Horror put into it when he made it. It helps him relax.

Crop grabs a mug for Fauna and Fauna quickly makes her own tea. Then she gives Crop a very pointed look "I know this is your house but just because you are now technically their landlord does not mean you are allowed to have this information. out you go."

Crop doesn't fight it at all "Of course. you know your way around." he grins at Dust and Nightmare "Take it easy okay?" and he leaves.

A long silence in the room.

Fauna takes asip from her own tea and looks at Dust critically "Now. Before we start I have to ask you two a few questions. Foremost and before anything else. I am here for the wellbeing of that child." she smiles at him "That is my goal." she gives Dust a colder look "Understood?"

Dust raises a brow "That is fine." then slower "However. Before we answers any questions I have one very important one for you. What are your privacy policies?" Dust nudges Ngihtmare and Nightmare is quick to take another sip, it helps to calm his shaking a bit.

Dust stares Fauna down easily "Just like you want to make sure he is okay. we just want him safe. If you are a risk to that safety we will not answer anything."

Fauna glares but nods "Insulting to be questioned like that but understanding. When I took this profesion I took a few oaths. One, to always help those in need no matter who they are. Two, to always put the health of my patient first. Three, to never disclose private matters of a patient to other people." she turns her spoon in her mug "I take these oaths very seriously. You can't help people if you are not trustworthy."

Dust rolls his eyes "Of course you took oaths. I mean who will get access to this information? You knowing it is one thing. You making physical notes that someone else can read is another. We don't want... certain people to have access to information about him." and Nightmare feels Dust hug him closer.

Obviously not a lie. They have always been careful with another about his situation geting known to other people. But that is multiverse level. And unless they would visit this universe and ask the right people the chance of the stars finding this file are very low. But... for their backstory? It is crusial. Dust having been on the run with a babybones that had been stolen and he just stole back? That means this type of information is very dangerous to just lay around.

Fauna frowns and seems to make the conclusion that Dust wants her to make. Her voice gets a bit softer as she answers slowly "Patient files are under lock and key... however. I have a special case which only I can access where I keep the more sensitive information that only i know. If i have information that I deem to sensitive for others to hear I make sure to lock it away tightly." hse has a stubborn look "And no one knows where that is."

Ngihtmare considers it for only a moment and assumes it is in her inventory. Slightly high risk as if she were to dust that information would disappear forever and be lost forever. However, no one can force someone to take something out of their inventory.

Dust frowns and gives a slow nod "Ask your questions." then he looks at Nightmare and nuzzles his skull again "If you don't want to answer her you can say so okay?" Nightmare nods and waits.

Fauna stares at them for a moment longer ebfore smilign at Nightmare "Hello... before anythign else... Do you have a name you would be okay with me calling you and knowing you as?"

Ngihtamre thinks it over before answering "My name is Nightmare, miss."

Fauna smiles and writes it on a file she has pulled out of nowhere, see? Inventory.

Fauna nods and looks back at him "How would you like to refer to you? A boy? a girl? neither? both?"

Ngihtamre shrugs as he leans against Dust. "I prefer he... but anything is fine honestly..." an afterthought and he shoots Dust an uncertain look. Dust just gives him a nod. Nightmare looks at the table "Just... no 'it' please." there. He doesn't like that. He knows some monsters are fine with that but he isn't.

Fauna nods "Of course." she smiles "Nightmare. That is not a name i hear often. Did you pick it yourself or was it given to you?"

Ngihtmare holds tighter unto Dust and mutters "Given."

Fauna nods again before smiling "by who?"

Nightmare freezes and turns to Dust for a moment. dust just nuzzles him "Your choice."

meaning he will figure out their story and edit it if he needs to. Ngihtmare feels bad about the idea of not telling his name for given by Nim... she had been his mother! yet... yet...

yet...

Nightmare shrugs as he leans against Dust "What everyone always said i was..." not a lie.

DUst frowns and holds him closer. Fauna frowns as well "Are you sure then you want to be called tht then?"

Ngihtmae nods and spekas with more confidence "fits fine wtih everyone." and more importantly "it is my name." his. Even if everyone always made it out to be something bad. It was his!

Fauna blinks before smiling "Yeah. your name is the first thing that is truely yours. and so that means it is your choice what you do with it." she notes down the name and looks at them "no family name?"

Ngihtmare shakes his skull and looks at Dust and waits.

Dust shrugs "never needed one."

Fauna chuckles nad nods "I can imagine that your names aren't in the list of most popular babynames. This will work just fine for now." she looks back at him "now nightmare. a very important question. Are you really okay wiht Dust being here for your examination?"

Nightmare is alreayd nodding and holds unto Dust tighter. Dust hugs him "I am not leaving unless he tells me to leave."

Fauna nods, not at all btohered by the glare Dust sends her way "of course. Is it okay for Dust to then be noted down as someone who is allowed to know your medical records and information?"

Nightmare nods nad pauses for a moment "So are the others."

Fauna raises her pen and waits.

Nightmare rolls his eye lights "Killer, Horror and Cross. They cna all know as well. They know things." everything he is willing to share that is.

Dust raises a brow "are you done yet with your interrogation? I thought this was suposed to be about how he is doing."

Fauna hums and looks unbothered as she updates the file "I want to be sure that I know who i can share what with." she looks at Dsut "privacy policies."

Dust looks beyond annoyed and huffs before his face goes back to being calm and bored looking.

Fauna nods and looks at Nightmare "Now. We will start easy. an examination can be a lot and with what Crop told me he knew it makes me worried about your health. we will go as far as you feel comfortable with. I will start with asking soem questions, ease you in. okay?" and she waits with a gentle smile.

Ngihtamre thinks it over before nodding.

Fauna nods again as she grabs a list "Does anything hurt?"

Nightmare rolls his eye lights and nods. Duh. He is healing.

She immediantly frowns and pulls out a shard with frowning faces "now... which face would show you how you feel about this pain?"

Ngihtmare knows he is pulling a face as Dust chuckles. Nightmare looks unimpressed at Fauna "It hurts a lot. I would say a ten when it happened. about an eight on days it hurts more and about a six otherwise."

She stares in shock and Dsut shrugs "the.... people.. he was stuck with... did not treat him as a child... we are still working on that." and he looks at Nightmare but Dust can see the pride and amusement.

Fauna frowns but makes careful notes "okay... can you explain to me what hurts? in your words."

Ngihtamre waits a moment before speaking "ribs... always... spine aches easily. legs normally don't hurt unless i walk a lot... skull doesn't hurt unless i use do magic. arms also always hurt but not as bad..." he tries to think what else but then shrugs.

Fauna however looks horrified and moves closer but she immediantly stops. Nightmare only realises later that the second she moved he flinched back and fully against Dust.

Fauna nods "okay.... That is very serious. You say using your magic also harms you?"

Ngihtmare nods slowly "not like... eating and stuff... or lighting up my eyes... but bigger things... spell stuff." it sucks but luckily the balance doens't need him anymore. He hadn't flet any new calling and figures he has time.

Fauna nods and frowns at Dust and Nightmare both "crop mentioned that there had been magic at play. somekind of shielding?"

Nightmare looks helplessly at Dust. he had no idea how to explain that!

Dust nods to nightmare before looking at Fauna "if you don't mind i will answer that." Fauna nods and Dust continues "We aren't quite sure of the details. we never saw the magic or studied the spell up close. We think he got into contact with something very powerful, probably with old magic. maybe an artifect. We never actually saw what it was. But it formed a sort of shield or bubble. It enclosed him, his soul and magic. but eventually it warn off and Nightmare appeared again. I saw him reappear and after some confusion on our end we got to work to get Nightmare back with us for safety..."

Fauna nods "You have seen this bubble or shielding?"

Dust nods "I have, it left Nightmare completely unrecognizeable from who he truly was. You wouldn't even be able to guess he was in there..."

Fauna frowns heavily as she makes notes "That may have impacted his magical growth and development, which may also be part of the reason shy using complex magic hurts him."

Nightmare stares at Dsut in shock. How had he just... made that up?! On the spot? It wasn't even a lie!

Dust sees him look and winks back wiht a grin before pulling his face back to the blank worried one of before.

Fauna nods as she sits up striaghter "okay. that is most of the verbal examination. I am very sorry but I really need to look at the physical wounds and your magic. I understand you have had very bad experiences with others who were suposed to keep your safe. Will you please allow me to see if i can help?"

Nightmare frowns as he thinks before answering "only wiht Dusty here." Dust will keep him safe. he can't keep himself safe but that is okay because Dust will.

Fauna nods "of course. Where would you like to start?"

Ngihtmare thinks before answering "magic and skull." that is easy to do together and as soon as he stops using his magic his skull will be healed again.

Dust pushes the chair they are sitting on a bit backwards and moves them around. Nightmare sits wiht his spine and back against Dust's front and he feels the slow and even soulbeat of him against his spine.

It helps calm his own racing soul.

Fauna sits in front of them. a reasonable amount of space between them.

Nightmare takes a deep breatha dn leans against Dust as he calls up his magic. It is still tought but a bit easier. It answers his call but it doesn't take any shape. It doesn't have a purpose. Nightmare tries to use it to feel the healer's general emotions and his head starts to ache.

He tells them as much and starts to feel what the lady is feeling. Worry, just so much worry and grief. Grief for him.

Ngihtmare doesn't get it. People don't like Nightmare. Ngihtmare is a bad omen and makes bad things happen. Why would she be worried for him? She doesn't even know him.

A loud gasp and even more worry and horrified feelings and Nightmare knows the cracks are visible.

Nightmare doesn't look at her but instead at the table. the light of his scars is bright enoguh to light up the room in a strange combination or purple and cyan.

Dust speaks softly "His own magic is purple... the cyan was from whatever the shielding bubble thing had been." a soft hand rubbing his shoulders. helping him relax.

Fauna swallows before speaking softly "Can I come closer and examine it?"

Nightmare answers himself "may as well... I managed to do it now anyway." it aches so badly "just... quickly please."

Dust mumbles "and carefully. This is very painful."

Fauna moves carefully and even a feather light touch causes agony as he shakes and a whimper escapes him.

Dust pulls him further back "Ngihtamre i think that is enough. can you dispell your magic again?"

His skull is swimming in pain and emotions not his own. He can't feel adn understand them on the same level anymore... can't sperate them from himself as easily anymore.

The light disappears and Nightmare just lays shaking in Dust's hold. Dust frowns at him and mutters "It got worse again..."

Ngihtamre looks away but nods. Dust just rubs his back and looks at Fauna "So yeah... pretty much all his magic still has that... cyan colour to it but as you saw it isn't helping him."

Fauna is writing quickly in her notes "It is almost an invasive magic on him. However it doesn't seem like he makes this cyan magic himself. I think it are still left overs but we would have to try and messure the two different forms of magic which is hard to do in the same person. those wounds..." and she looks at them.

Dust sighs "THe newest... wounds he got on... on his way out... on his way away from those he was with before... We always thought that whatever the magic was it saved him." again, no lies, just selective with the information and how he tells it.

Fauna taps the notes and nods "Well worrying. I think you are right on the magic having saved him. Especially as when he isn't using magic it isn't harming him. What i think that is happening is that the magic is keeping the head wounds close and whole. I think him trying to use his magic makes the cyan magic react as well, but as he can't make that it is pulled from whatever source he has. which in this cause is the very thing helping him." she nods and writes on another paper "For now. don't use any complex spells. only use very light and natural magic. things that don't bother or tire him. This way you can keep his own magic active and practise to help it grow stronger without disrupting the magic in his skull. If he at any moments starts to regularly have headaches we will need to look into somekind of magic transfer."

Dust frowns "why not do a transfer now?"

Fauna sighs "Magical transfers can be dangerous. if your soul doesn't accept the transfer you are suddenly without any magic in you. For children, especially those with very little magic themselves, it has an added risk of completely overwriting their own magic. meaning that their soul will only accept the new type of magic, but as the soul can't make this they will still have the same fate." she gives Dust a cold stare "this is not something done lightly."

Dust nods and mutters "We will keep an eye out for headaches." he give shim a look "any. headache."

Nightmare pouts and huffs at him "Okay. I will tell you."

Dust nods "good."he nudges their skulls together softly. "What next?"

nightmare frowns and sighs "ribs... it is the worst.. if that is okay the rest should be too." even if he hates losing his shirt and showing anyone the wounds and barely healed bones.

Dust nods and looks at fauna "Nightmare is going to have to sit with his back to you. You will need to announce any movement you make and keep making somekind of sound or noise."

Fauna accepts it easily and waits. Nightmare turns to sit towards Dust nad lets Dust help get him out of his loose shirt. Cross had specificlaly picked this one for today to make this easier. It is also why they skipped the bandages for today.

A loud gasp and Nightmare quickly hides his face in the bright red scarf.

Dust rubs the back or his skull "Yeah. we know. We try to get him to take a bath each day to clean the wounds out. He can bath himself but the wounds demand extra attention and care that he as a six year old just doesn't have the dexterity for." hearing Dust talk helps him calm down. he isn't alone. he isn't alone. he isn't alone.

Fauna swallows and speaks in a soft voice "I am going to sit a bit closer and take a closer look at some of your wounds near your spine." slow movements and Ngihtmare feels hismelf grow more tense. Fauna continues to talk "you are being very brave. thank you for trusting me, or at least trusting Dust enough to allow me to try and help you." she sits closer and Ngihtmare cna hear her breathing now. Fauna hums softly "Even if they look bad and still very hurt, which i know they do, they are very clean and seem to be healing well. YOu are all taking very good care of these breaks and missing chips."

Fauna shifts a tiny bit and Nightmare tightens his hold on Dust's hoody. Nightmare relaly likes the material that Dust wears. it is soft and makes it easy for him to sink his tiny claws into. Not let go.

Fauna speaks again "Mayb i touch the bones on your spine? I need to check how sensitive and hurt the still healthy bones are."

Nightmare takes a moment and nods before grabbing Dusts arm. DUst luckily understnads him "He will grip me if it hurts and i will tell you. is that okay?"

Fauna speaks with relieve "That is fine. Thank you for letting me examine this. I am going to touch your spine in 3. 2. 1. now." the touch on his spine still surprises him but aside from the tiny flinch nothing happens. Fauna hums and speaks "I am goign to touch a tiny bit lower." the touch moves but no pain. "very good. a bit lower again." the touch moves lower but his whole spine lights up in pain and Nightmare whimpers as he clams down on Dust's hand.

"It hurts him very badly." the hand on his spine is already gone before Dust finishes his sentence.

Fauna speaks with full praise "Thank you Nightmare. you did amazing. You are very brave."

Nightmare can't help it as he pushes closer to Dust "dusty... it is weird."

silence and Dust hums "what is?"

Nightmare pushes clsoer to Dust "her being nice." people aren't nice to him. they hate him at first sight. why is she different. why...

"Why weren't they nice?" he hates how he sounds but he just wants to know.

Dust holds him clsoer, Dust's hands and arms always know were to hold wihtout hurting him. same for the others. they are safe.

Dust mutters "I don't know. I think they were just dumb." a bit louder "I think we shuld stop."

Fauna is quick to agree "absolutely. I am sorry for not realising we had already hit his limit."

Dust helps him put on his shirt again "Nightmare is an amazing person. but he has the habit of not saying what bothers him." dust holds him close in a hug and dust looks at fauna "the spine is the worst by far. What do you think?"

Fauna writes some things down before speaking "I think you four have been doing a good job with trying to help him heal the pain he was caused. The spine is going to be a slow healing process, even slower because of his magic situation. All you cna do is keep cleanign it daily and making sure it is wrapped up." she finishes writing something.

Dust takes the note and speaks "understood. keep cleaning the wounds daily, wrap them up and check to make sure the wounds don't get bigger. Aside from that he isn't suposed to use his magic aside from easy and stressless things. if he at any moment starts to have headaches we are to call immediantly"

Fauna answers him "indeed. If you have any questions or worries feel free to call. I put the number for my clinic on there as well. Just ask for me and saywho you are and they will call me. I am going to amke sure that everyone knows you are on the emergancy list." slow steps towards the door and exit of the kitchen when she stops "He is a very sweet babybones. I am sorry to hear he got this hurt."

Dust chuckles and just holds him clsoer "we know... we agree..."

a moment of silence before Fauna speaks again "I am going to talk with Crop that you will have to use his bathroom a lot, doctors orders. What else you tlel him is up to you. Have a good day." and she is gone.

They sit in silence nad Dust just helps Nightmare finish his now much colder tea. The taste is still good even when cold...

DUst nuzzles his skull "You oaky?"

Ngihtmare just pushes closer "tired."

Dust chuckles "Yeah... me too... how about this? I am going to help you wrap up your ribs. after that we will lay in the living room together and nap while Killer and Cross get competitive over a card game?"

Nightamre nods and relaxes "yeah" that sounds great. Dust picks him up and takes him to their attic to help him get ready for the rest of the day.

Dust will tell the others how it went and what to watch out for. Nightmare just has to relax and trust him.

And that is okay. Nightmare has gotten a lot better at trusting others.

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[moonshynecybin]

hi how do you get over the overwhelming feeling of cringe/being weird. like every time i accidentally get too meta and think about how im reading fictional stories about real motorcycle racers getting pregnant im like. what am i doing i gotta kill myself dawg. like what's wrong with me. how do you heal from that. or should i even. maybe shame is good and necessary and i should stop all this.

um ultimately that is a journey you have to reconcile within yourself my man it’s not something i can do for you. i have listed a few thought processes that i go through here when i think about it though:

1. it is literally normal to be weird in a horny and parasocial way with professional athletes. lots of people do it. like its fine. maybe the way we’re going about it is a lil weird and a lil cringe but who cares. we are minding our business. people start riots over sports losses, a few 30 note posts on a website that 98% of the people i meet irl haven’t thought about in ten years isn’t going to kill anyone. like truly no one cares, no one’s gonna see it unless they go looking for it, and if they do that’s kinda on them at that point. like what were YOU doing at the devils sacrament…

2. you don’t live in the panopticon. the rpf police do not exist. no one is watching you specifically and thinking you’re a freak and if they do WHO CARES we’re on tumblr it’s the weirdo website. AND (not saying this in a mean or specific way) you are not the main character in reality. like i guarantee that there are broader conversations to be had about fan culture that don’t involve me answering fun little asks and you enjoying them! idk like valentino rossi is vibing in his mansion he dgaf about me

3. the way we treat rpf like this on here isn’t like. a genuine sexuality conspiracy board or personal dating life examination/investigation. it’s looking at an athlete and their narrative (a construct of themselves that they/broader sports media present to me as a fan for public consumption that is some ways them and in other ways not) and going. wouldn’t it be theoretically crazy if they had gay sex. like it’s playing with the IDEA of these guys like barbie dolls.

4. at no point and under no circumstances must you care what millionaire tax evaders think of you. in some ways this is praxis.

5. the only people i EVER see genuinely stressing about sports rpf are the people doinf sports rpf. like lowkey a champagne problem

6. rpf is fine —albert einstein

like idk it can get uncomfy but if rpf is like. genuinely taking its toll on you then my brother you can go vibe! and i say that with such love like it is okay to feel a lil bad and also okay to simply decide it’s not for you

[ink-asunder]

Class of 09 makes me feel so normal /gen.

Like, it's not JUST realistic writing. It's that when I was a teen, I told outrageous lies about sex and drugs and unreasonably cruel treatment. Just like, for attention and to get out of trouble and as a way of coping with the REAL traumatic shit I was going through. Most of the time it was just exploratory behavior! (Idk if THAT'S usual for teens, but I have autism and psychosis, which can incentivise exploratory behavior.) And finally seeing THAT represented in such a mundane slice of life style of story kinda helped me stop repressing and forgive myseld about that shit. Yeah it was wrong, but I was a fucking traumatized teen, and a pretty normal teen on top of that. I'm not going to hell for that shit, yknow?

[shinraelectricpowercom]

While I’m on my high horse: if you’re going to disagree with someone or judge them for something they said, at least have the decency to do it with what they actually said instead of your interpretation of it.

Stating that something happens is not endorsement of it. Posting analysis of something is not inherently a claim that one’s analysis is the only possible correct reading. Calling something “common” is not the same as arguing that it’s a majority. Enjoying a particular narrative in fiction is not and cannot be real-world apologism because that fiction is not real. And so on.

[vaguely-concerned]

listen, I'm all for empowerment and awareness of self-care in the mental health field and informing people about things that might help them (MIGHT! little known fact here but there is no one size fits all solution to mental illness! different people with different problems require different things!) but uh hey...

some of you are just out here giving skin care advice to people who're actively on fire and then getting angry and telling them it's their own damn fault that they're burning if that's the attitude they're taking when they say they didn't find it helpful. if all you want to do is feel superior to 'lazy' people who ~just won't help themselves for whatever reason~ when you pulled yourself out of depression by the bootstraps and mindfulness etc. ... I'm sorry to be the one to tell you this but you are not being helpful, you are being a fucking asshole to people who already have more than enough on their plate. at least have the decency to not dress up your bullying as philanthropy.

[wellthatsclever]

...

[gunkyengines]

•••

Hey what's the deal with lumping people who don't give a fuck about the pro/anti discourse in with one side or another in their DNIs now. This is absolutely not something where not picking a side means picking a side. (More thoughts in the tags.)

[tvintedspvrkarc]

tag drop : muse tags so far

[fastandcarlos]

On The Mend : ̗̀➛ Oscar Piastri

summary: with your lack of presence in the paddock, fans are starting to worry, little do they know that you happen to be a little broken back at home

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by landonorris, danielricciardo and 849,183 others

oscarpiastri: another successful week of racing, super proud of the whole team to get the car all the way to P2 this weekend 🏆🏎️

35,058 comments

username1: congratulations oscar, such an awesome drive!!

username2: just a shame that yn wasn’t there to see it once again 🙄

landonorris: so proud of you osc 😭😭😭

username3: surely they can’t still be together, she hasn’t shown her face in weeks…

charles_leclerc: mum is very proud that the two of us were on the podium btw

oscarpiastri: @/charles_leclerc it was all thanks to her pep talk ofc

username4: we’ll still support you osc even if yn won’t

mclaren: the whole team is so proud of you, congratulations oscar!

username5: enjoy the celebrations, I’m sure the team will be there for you at least 🥲

danielricciardo: congrats brother, always nice to see you repping for down under

username6: either something must be seriously wrong or yn really just doesn’t care anymore 😭

maxverstappen1: hell of a drive from you, great to see you back where you belong!

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

ynusername posted two private stories

replies

georgerussell63: thanks for reminding everyone I got a penalty yn 😂😂

oscarpiastri: make sure you’re resting, you don’t need to worry about the race sweetheart!!

ynusername: I’ve never missed a race of yours 😩

danielricciardo: why tf are you in hospital and why didn’t you tell me immediately so that I could help!!

nicolepiastri: sending you lots of love sweetheart, sorry we can’t be there to help you 💕

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

oscarpiastri: I promise to sneak you in loads of snacks as soon as I’m there 💞

lilymhe: I miss you so much, hope you’re recovering well girlie

landonorris: he’s on the first flight outta here straight back to you 🧡

carmenmmundt: sending you all the healing vibes in the world ❤️

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by charles_leclerc, logansargeant and 812,948 others

oscarpiastri: wish me luck on the flight, some weird passenger keeps looking over their shoulder at me 👀

36,950 comments

username7: that poor pilot having to drive these two home lmao

danielricciardo: now you get to experience my struggle before you came along 😭

oscarpiastri: @/danielricciardo idk how you ever did it 🤦🏻

username8: at least oscar has lando to celebrate with even though others have abandoned him

alex_albon: why else do you think we offered to take you home on our plane instead?! 😂

username9: i wonder if he's going home to yn being there or not

charles_leclerc: you're incredibly brave volunteering to travel home with him 👏🏻

username10: yn should be there with him, i really hope that they're okay

username11: what would we do without these two in our lives!?

maxverstappen1: we tried to talk you out of it but you didn't listen 🤷🏻

username 12: i love how all the boys are exposing lando as a terrible travel partner hahah

landonorris: stop trying to make it sound like we're not bffs osc 💔

oscarpiastri: @/landonorris that's because we're definitely not best friends

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by landonorris, alex_albon and 793,722 others

oscarpiastri: seeing as some people want to make it their business, we thought we’d share why yn hasn’t been around recently. a couple of weeks ago she had a nasty fall at home which resulted in a broken leg. yesterday I finally got to bring her home and begin helping her with recovery…just call me doctor piastri from now on 🧑🏻‍⚕️💞

57,492 comments

username13: i hope all you losers who thought they broke up are proud of yourselves 🙄

landonorris: you guys know where i am if you need anything!!

georgerussel63: we love you yn, make sure you get plenty of rest ❤️❤️❤️

username14: sending you so much love yn, get plenty of rest

ynusername: apologies in advance for the lack of sleep you're about to get because of me 😂

oscarpiastri: @/ynusername as long as you're healing idc 🥹

username15: can't believe some of you were so stupid to ever think they'd actually break up

alex_albon: glad to see you're back at home where you belong yn

danielricciardo: do i even want to ask how she managed to break her leg??

oscarpiastri: @/danielricciardo if I told you I don't think you'd believe me 😂

username16: poor oscar looks exhausted having to drive and take care of yn too

charles_leclerc: pls tell me I get to sign the cast ✍️

ynusername: @/charles_leclerc i'll save a spot just for you

username17: please make sure you take care of yourself yn and ignore what everyone has to say

carmenmmundt: sending you so many healing vibes yn, we miss you at the paddock

username18: during a time when they need privacy and instead they've been hounded by nosey idiots 🤦🏻

maxverstappen1: can't wait to see all the doctor piastri content from you! 😂

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by georgerussell63, carlossainz55 and 682,058 others

oscarpiastri: the only way to get her out of the house atm is to bribe her with coffee ☕️

63,957 comments

username19: it's adorable how much oscar cares about her 🥰

lilymhe: tell her im omw with coffee as we speak to get her out again!

username20: it's so good to see yn back up on her feet and moving around again 🤩

alex_albon: i actually forgot what yn looked like stood upright for a moment

username21: why does it feel like oscar is one of those partners who is constantly checking on her making sure she's doing her exercises and following every single bit of advice

maxverstappen1: yn's injury is really making you look like the doting boyfriend rn ❤️

danielricciardo: if yn ever gets bored of being entertained on a walk by you, you know where i am!

username22: i bet yn can't wait for race weekend again to get rid of the nagging doctor 😂

landonorris: wish you looked after me as well as you look after yn

oscarpiastri: @/landonorris just a shame that we're not dating then really huh?!

username23: anyone else noticed how many drivers have been round this week to take yn out and make sure she's staying active too

username24: @/username23 i think she might just be the most popular wag on the grid

ynusername: i hate you but i love you at the same time these days 💞

oscarpiastri: @/ynusername if the doctor says you keep moving, it's my job to make you move 😂

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by landonorris, carmenmmundt and 59,491 others

ynusername: I always knew oscar was secretly boyfriend coded but damn having him look after me is making me fancy him all over again 🔥

12,056 comments

username25: i think i might've just fallen in love with him all over again too 😍

alexandrasaintmleux: make the most of all of the attention you're getting girl

ynusername: @/alexandrasaintmleux oh I am, he doesn't let me lift a finger 😘

username26: soft, doctor boyfriend oscar might just be my new favourite thing

charles_leclerc: if i see many more of these posts from you i might just need a sick bucket 🤮

username27: yn you really are the luckiest having this guy in your life

carlossainz55: i always knew he was a softie deep down 🥺

oscarpiastri: you know i'd do anything as long as it meant getting you better again

ynusername: @/oscarpiastri you're an angel in disguise i swear

username28: i'd break my leg too if it meant oscar piastri was there to look after me 😂

username29: it melts my heart to see how caring oscar has been over the past few weeks

danielricciardo: even i found myself getting a bit excited when i saw these photos yn

username30: everyone needs an oscar piastri in their life

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

ynusername posted two stories

replies

landonorris: you're ruining oscar's image with every post you share these days 😂

oscarpiastri: there's nowhere else that I'd rather be

ynusername: we'll pretend you didn't complain that it wasn't race weekend first thing this morning shall we???

carmenmmundt: hope it's good news, lemme know how you get on!!

alex_albon: praying for you and hoping that it's the beginning of the end now 💕

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

danielricciardo: thinking of you guys, tell the doctor if he doesn't give you good news i'll break his leg 💞

ynusername: something tells me you might find a few challenges in doing that hahah

georgerussell63: you're so strong yn, just remember we love you

charles_leclerc: the whole family is hoping for good news for you and oscar ❤️

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

liked by oscarpiastri, landonorris and 70,238 others

ynusername: the moment i've waited for for so long, back in my second home of the garage and back supporting my love during race weekend

14,592 comments

username31: make sure you keep taking care of yourself yn!! 💕

oscarpiastri: cannot begin to tell you how happy i am to have you back with me again ☺️

ynusername: @/oscarpiastri the best feeling in the world being able to cheer you on again

danielricciardo: ik just how much this means to you, welcome back to us yn

username32: it's so good to see you right back where you belong again

username33: it feels like you've never been away, I'm so happy for you guys 🥹

charles_leclerc: on the mend at last, i hope you know just how many people can't wait to welcome you back this weekend

username34: we love our favourite #81 fan 🧡

iamrebeccad: i am hurrying over to that mclaren garage as fast as i possibly can rn ‼️

username35: so happy to see you back on your feet and back with our favourite duo again

username36: this is the content we've been waiting for, it's so good to see you back

landonorris: as much as i hate having to share oscar again, it's a joy to have you back 🙃

˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

˗ˏˋ 𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓 ! ´ˎ˗

[yourstardarling]

Lilith Analysis

(Lady Lilith, by Dante Gabriel Rossetti)

In my perspective, Lilith symbolizes the female intuition which is often vilified in our patriarchal society. She questions the status quo, defying societal norms and forges her own path for how she lives her life. In some interpretations, Lilith is depicted as the serpent in the garden, tempting Eve with the apple as revenge for her expulsion after refusing to submit to Adam. Targeting Eve instead of Adam, shows how Lilith understands the curious nature within women to want to know more and what ifs. It is the same curiosity that made Pandora open the box releasing malicious spirits into the world.

The energy of Lilith is a vengeful one as she sought revenge against God for her banishment out of the garden. In her expulsion, she was stated to steal babies and harm innocent lives, unsympathetic to anyone in her way. So within our charts, Lilith shows where we've experienced profound shame and societal rejection. It is where we are often demonized for refusing to yield to others' expectations. If we don't heal this pain it often becomes a form of self-destruction, fueling a need to gain revenge, harming anyone in our path. This part of our chart is usually suppressed, relegated to the shadows, but integration of this energy is crucial. Mainly because keeping our shame underneath the surface will often cause self-sabotage within the house Lillith is in. Finding the underlying root of the problem will often lead to reclaiming of your power, making Lilith be an energy of magnetization and authority. Neglection will only exacerbate internal conflict.

Lilith in the 1st:In the first house, these individuals are the walking embodiments of Lilith. They are often faced with deep-seated feelings of shame regarding their sexuality and physical appearance. Many have endured the pain of bullying in their youth, which has made them feel shunned out from society. This shame becomes a heavy burden that feels as if it is a part of them, complicating efforts to express their true self openly. Consequently, a portion of their identity remains veiled, guarded against potential judgment or rejection from others. Yet, beneath this veil within their unconscious, lies a potent magnetism. A profound sense of sexuality that others find rather attractive or unsettling. They find themselves both desired and feared. But honestly like Britney said it’s because, "All of the boys and all of the girls want to if you seek Amy." Lilith's influence in this house encourages independence and self-assertion. It teaches the importance of standing firm in the face of societal pressures and refusing to be demonized for your own authenticity. However, yielding to criticism and seeking external validation risks facing internal conflicts. A constant battle against yourself. That is why confronting the shadow aspects of one's personality should be practiced, as it offers a pathway to self-discovery and empowerment. When you are able to show resilience and unwavering faith in yourself, you're able to garner admiration and respect from those around you. The ability to transmute pain into productive actions serves as a magnetic force, attracting allies and opportunities alike. Learning to embrace your inner sexual energy is imperative, as it is something that cannot be suppressed. Unfortunately, this embracement may invite unwanted attention, leaving you vulnerable to exploitation and trauma. Overall, the role of Lilith in the first house is one of self-acceptance and defiance against societal norms. It's a journey marked by challenges, but also by profound personal growth and authenticity.

Lilith in the 2nd: In the house of personal gains, Lilith has felt great shame surrounding her personal values. Individuals with this placement have a hard time surrounding their self worth and physical assets. Possessive tendencies lie beneath the surface, as a consequence from being betrayed in the past. People may have taken advantage of them for their material value and stolen from them. Financial wounds run deep making them unable to properly trust themselves with money. Might find themselves in cycles of reckless spending, prioritizing instant gratification over long term investments. The types go on a shopping spree and then feel guilty for indulging materialistically.These people can either be overindulgent or extremely picky when it comes to what they spend. There is an inherent value of pleasure and spending resources on things that make you feel good.The sign Lilith is in will give you an idea on what you unwarily spend money on and guide your financial decisions. Implementing a budget plan can be very beneficial in uncovering and healing shame surrounding your spending habits. It will help you regulate your spending. Underlying shadow challenges when it comes to self worth is another aspect of this placement. Leading to having doubts about deservingness and attaining success. Lilith in the 2nd, prompts a reevaluation of your values. Rather than being overly picky, you're encouraged to be intentional in your pursuits. Learn to align your investments with your deepest values and aspirations. Family dynamics may also contribute to your relationship with money, with the possibility of past generations engaging in questionable financial practices. Additionally, Lilith's immature aspects may tempt individuals to resort to unethical means of acquiring wealth, such as engaging in sex work or participating in illicit activities. However, succumbing to these temptations risks exploiting others and ultimately perpetuating cycles of harm. In navigating the influence of Lilith in the 2nd house, you are urged to exercise caution and integrity in financial dealings. By confronting shadows and cultivating a sense of self-worth, they can transcend shame and reclaim power over their financial well-being.

Lilith in the 3rd: When Lilith is in the third house of youth and mental stimulation, these individuals have deep shame within their speech and communication. Oftentimes they were demonized as a child, facing constant scrutiny about their childish behavior. Parental guardians made them seem like they were to blame for the smallest issues that occurred. In school they may have felt shunned out from their peers, becoming the target of bullying and ridicule. This ridicule can even come from their teachers that overly criticized them for not being the perfect student, leading them to feel like they were a bad kid. Might indicate having a speech impediment, having a hard time communicating how you feel and issues surrounding being able to read. Your intelligence was significantly downplayed from the earlier years of school which made you believe you were dumb. For this reason, you may prefer being quiet and only speaking when you are needed to, often avoiding starting conversation. To others you may seem standoffish when you speak, but instead it can be anxiety to say what you really want because of public reaction. This Lilith wound is one centered around your inner child and taking back power over your mind. Intrusive thoughts of feeling less than can often be an underlying trigger, but you must recognize that these voices in your head are not your own. It is programming from the ridicule you received as a kid. Mindfulness and meditation practices can help regulate the outside input that comes in your head. You're a very intellectually capable individual that often understands knowledge about topics considered unconventional by society. Don’t be ashamed of what you know and use it to teach other people information you are passionate about.

Lilith in the 4th: Within the house of home and heritage, Lilith has wrested with feeling of shame for her family background. These individuals can often grow up feeling sexually repressed by their family. Criticism for what they were and being called a slut for wanting to express themselves. This placement reminds me of Meg from Family Guy, and how she is consistently made the butt of all ridicule by her family. As you went through puberty, you could've felt uncomfortable being objectified by family members. Some could've faced even faced exploitation by their own family. There is a strange focus on purity within the household and committing towards conservative ideals of presenting yourself. From their point of view, you may be seen as someone who is promiscuous and disobeying traditional values. You might find it hard to feel at home within yourself because of these past afflictions. This can even lead to you feeling ashamed about your emotional responses, often viewing them as evil instead of necessary feelings. Aside from sexuality, this Lilith placement also indicates having shame regarding your origin. There might have been concealed truths about your birth, unraveling as you mature. Might have felt like your family were strangers and you did not belong with them. Issues with the mother figure can be highlighted by this placement. You don't get along well and could feel a sense of cruelty from her. A shadow side to you is kept veiled from your family, which makes you feel like an outsider by them. You may have a reputation of being the rebellious cousin. They may harbor outdated ideologies such as racism, homophobia and xenophobia, that makes you more ashamed of them. The home you grew up in may have been the cause of this shame too, because of its design or infestation issues. Overall, stepping away from your family's point of view of the world is a big factor with this Lilith placement. You cannot allow their lives to dictate who you are meant to be. Learning to nurture yourself and finding your own community is an essential part of your journey. As time pass, you may discover yourself becoming a space for other people to confide in about their personal issues. A testament to Lilith making a home for herself outside the boundaries of Eden.

Lilith in the 5th: In the fifth house, individuals have grappled with profound shame surrounding the way they experience pleasure within their lives. Their childhood may have been faced with restrictions on the ways they could have fun, such as engaging in hobbies solely to appease their parents rather than for personal enjoyment. Activities you found enjoyment in, felt like you needed to keep hidden away from other people in order to not get ridiculed. There are plenty of hobbies you enjoy that others will find unorthodox to have. For example, going to shooting ranges, participating in drag shows, taking part in the circus or cosplaying your favorite characters. When it comes to your talents, you might face envy from others because they want the attributes that you have. May face hate in your extracurricular activities and being outcasted by team members. In your own eyes, your often unsure about your talents and feel like you're not good enough in your practice. Additionally, there is also shame regarding sexual pleasure. You might find it fun to explore, but some experiences make it unsettling for you to enjoy. There may be a need to keep your sex life a secret from other people. However, sex positivity can be a notable aspect of this placement though, not having much conservative notions in your sexual experiences. When it comes to children, you might feel some shame for not wanting to have kids and face scrutiny from others for this stance. You can even feel like you hate the thought of children and not wanting them around you. If you do end up having kids, they can exhibit Lilith quality traits of rebellion and unorthodox behavior. There is definitely a shadow side to how you gain pleasure with this placement, indulging in self destructive behaviors and selling yourself away for fun. You must learn to tame that primal urge within you when you are having a great time. Especially as this can lead to addictions to pleasure, such as having a gambling, drug abuse and being overly sexual. Learn to set boundaries when you're having fun.

Lilith In the 6th: In the house of service, Lilith plays a commanding role within her work space. This placement reminds me of The Devil wears Prada, where Miranda was seen as a formidable figure by her colleagues. Similarly, coworkers may harbor similar feelings toward you, casting you as assertive & harsh. You may face a lot of scrutiny in the workplace and could even work in an environment where there's a prevalence of discrimination. Workplace harassment can occur here as well, oftentimes facing oversexualization. Navigating and accepting your shadow persona in the workplace becomes essential. As long as you come there to do your job, that’s all that matters. Just try not to lash out at your colleagues because of misconception and other issues. There may be a big rumor that you are lazy for not doing as much as everyone else. However, you're the type of person that only comes and does the work that is necessary, not overworking themselves as everyone else. On the flip side, you can be hyper focused on work and do a lot more in your day that others don’t really see. This can take a toll on your health and work stress can be a big indication of this placement. Speaking of health, you might have a terrible relationship with health officials. Health experts in the past might have treated you poorly and even faced a misdiagnosis. Your relationship with health overall is something you can feel intense emotions around. A health condition could make you feel like you don’t have the same capabilities as other people. Might struggle with digestion and eating food to nourish yourself. There is a lot of necessary shadow work to uncover within your habits and daily routines with this placement. Learn to not be so hard on yourself, making time to properly maintain your physical needs.Health is wealth after all.

Lilith In the 7th: When Lilith lies in the house of partnerships, there is often shame surrounding the close connections these people have. They often easily attract people with Lilith energy in their lives, such as rebellion, ostracization and outcasts. You're often able to see the version of others that they keep hidden underneath. For some reason, people can feel like they can trust you with their problems and you make space to not judge them. Something about you just allows people to feel easily able to open up their shame to you. It might be because there is a part of you that has felt the same shame of being shunned out by other people. In your love life, there could be a tendency to feel outcasted by your partners which leads to having a warped perception of yourself. Partners often can make you feel like you are too much and incapable of being loved. May find it hard to feel their needs being met in their personal relationships. Here lilith indicates issues of being taken advantage of by other people and personal power being exploited. Aggressive aspects can also show facing abuse, which can make these individuals pretty guarded when meeting others. You could feel the need to be in control and have a dominant role in your love life. However, self-destructive tendencies may spur from not getting what you want out of a partner and lead you sabotaging your connections. You can often pursue relationships you know are unhealthy for you. There’s a tendency to want people that bring out an unhinged version of yourself, becoming a whole different person with a partner. Shadow work needs to be done as to why you chase these toxic connections, which sometimes is rooted from the way you viewed the partnership of your parents.

Lilith in the 8th: In the house of death and loss, Lilith is put to face the extremes. Each time they are in a transitional phase in their lives, they get kicked out of their paradise. These individuals understand the darker sides of life and are somewhat good at navigating their shadow. Shadow side can often take things to the extreme when they are out of control. Really good at understanding the taboo and being okay with things that are scarier for other people. A necessary need to make peace with inner demons and resolving past psychological conflicts. While they are able to easily exude a seductive persona, sex can be a harsh topic for them to feel comfortable with. Losing their virginity might have been a monumental experience that shifted the way they act in their lives. There is a need to work on resolving issues with sex and not being afraid of it . Also, you might be into some fetishes that you feel the need to keep hidden from other people. Hiding is a big coping mechanism for them, whenever they feel like the world rejects them, they bury themselves down in shadows to not be seen. A distinct relationship with death, some hold huge guilt for being unphased by death, while others worry about their own deaths. If a family member had died, you might feel guilty for not being sad or crying at the funeral. These people can mourn their innocence a lot, thinking of a time they were untouched by the world around them. During transitional phases of your life, you could be vilified and demonized for acting differently. Might have had a dark aesthetic or emo phase during your teen years. Change can be a scary thing for you and you could harbor strong resistance towards new possibilities. This mainly comes from the scrutiny you’ve felt by other people. Learn to embrace the taboo and understand change will only allow you to reclaim your power.

Lilith in the 9th: These individuals hold a complex relationship with religion and belief systems. Growing up, they likely experienced a religious environment that instilled fear and submission to authority. It's possible they had overly religious parents who prioritized adherence to faith, rather than showing genuine love and understanding for their children. As you mature, there's a tendency to reject traditional systems of beliefs for more esoteric philosophies, helping you find empowerment through alternative spiritual paths. Although shifting your beliefs will allow you to have a sense of freedom, remnants of past religious trauma still linger in your mind. Guilt for what you believe in is a big focus for this placement. They often find themselves at odds with mainstream perspectives, feeling a sense of alienation and struggling to fit in. There's a tendency to doubt their intelligence and the information they know. This struggle extends to academic pursuits as well, where they may feel out of place and struggle to connect with their peers. Moving away from their area of upbringing can be liberating, allowing them to explore their shadow aspects and embrace their darker side through travel and adventure. In doing so, they may discover a newfound magnetism and allure, attracting others to their path towards self-discovery.

Lilith in the 10th: In the house of public career, Lilith exerts a strong influence on one's outward image and persona. When in public settings, you often see people being easily magnetized towards you. If Lilith is conjunct the Midheaven (MC), it can signify experiences of unwanted attention, including catcalling. There's a deep-seated fear of being seen, stemming from the difference between your public persona and true self-image. Overexposure to the public eye can lead to discomfort, particularly in career fields where others seem to dominate or overshadow you. There is a natural ability to exude sensuality that others find intriguing. They may develop a reputation for sensuality and allure, which can intimidate others, particularly men, due to the inherent power they radiate. Despite the fantasization, they may resent the objectification and sexualization. In professional settings their bosses may even attempt to take advantage of them. This placement can also indicate stage fright and social anxiety, causing them to prefer the sidelines rather than the spotlight. An unbalanced version of this placement would be sabotaging yourself when it comes to your career. Promoting bad behavior so that you can gain the upper advantage in situations. It's crucial for them to be vigilant against exploitation by authority figures and to properly navigate professional relationships and contracts. Despite potential misconceptions about their character, individuals with this placement must embrace their authenticity and prioritize their own career aspirations over societal expectations. Your that b*tch for real, and you cannot allow the public opinion of you to dictate who you are. Also, Lilith in the 10th house may signify a challenging relationship with their father, involving absence, mistreatment, or attempts at control. This further fuels aspirations to become a successful person, in order to prove their farther wrong. Embracing their power and authenticity is important for success and fulfillment in the professional world.

Lilith in the 11th: Friendships are never easy with Lilith in the 11th. Despite outward display of support, these individuals frequently encounter betrayal from those they consider close allies, discovering that supposed friends harbor secret animosity and ulterior motives towards them. Friends could make jokes about insecurities you have, while accusing you of being soft for finding offence. Your secrets are not the safest within your social networks, they are like blind items ready to spill all the tea about your personal life. This atmosphere of distrust can lead to a cautious approach to forming friendships, resulting in a preference for family and romantic relationships over the unpredictability of friendships. Despite these challenges, individuals with this placement often gravitate towards unconventional or marginalized groups of people. Finding companionship in the outcasts who defy societal norms. They may become strong advocates for the rights and liberation of marginalized groups, focusing on the need for women's rights and the empowerment of societal underdogs. So while friendships may be met with much difficulty, these individuals create meaningful connections with fellow non-conformists in society. Finding solidarity in their shared struggles, leading to finding community outside of Eden.

Lilith in the 12th: Individuals with Lilith in the 12th house tend to keep Lilith's energy to the depths of their subconscious mind. They are often unaware of its magnetic, rebellious, and sexually charged nature. May doubt their own sexuality and seductive capabilities, feeling overshadowed by others charm. However, when in solitude, Lilith emerges to confront them about their inner shadows and demons. This often leads to solitary battles with their deepest fears and insecurities. Sleep issues are common with this placement, as they may struggle to maintain a stable sleep routine. May prefer the quiet solitude of the night for introspection and self-discovery. In their dreams, they often confront scenarios designed to evoke feelings of inadequacy and shame, forcing them to confront their inner vulnerabilities. They can be drawn towards dream working, meditation, shifting and exploring unique ways to access their subconscious mind. By using the arts, they can transmute fears and underlying issues in their mind to a reservoir of creativity. You can often see their shadow portrayed boldly in their art. Also, these individuals are often empathetic and hold nonjudgmental view towards the shadows of other people. Overall, through uncovering their darkness, Lilith in the 12th house can lead to spiritual growth and artistic development when integrated unapologetically.

____

Remember to look at the aspects to Lilith in your chart. Since it is an astrological point & asteroid, it doesn't hold as much significance compared to the planets. So aspects allow you to know how much of this energy can be brought up to the surface. Also, this reading is for all versions of Lilith in the chart.

-your Star Darling

(Portrait of Simonetta Vespucci, by Piero Di Cosimo)

[chibidashie]

by the way July is disability pride month, so let's go over some things, shall we?

are you normal about incontinent folk needing aids such as diapers or catheters? if you think they're wearing one for fetish reasons or think they're inherently gross for something they cannot control, you're ableist full stop. stop assuming incontinent people are immediately sexual for having a disability aid! this can be applied for countless other disability aids that have been unfortunately sexualized (especially from people who have no idea what consent is) too!

are you aware about the fact that finding a good therapist can take a really long time, especially in the United States in which healthcare is seen as a privilege and we're still fighting for universal healthcare? if you don't like someone, especially if someone is mentally ill and struggling, stop weaponizing therapy towards them and acting like therapy will cure every mental illness ever instantly. you're not only ableist, but classist when you say "go to therapy" or "seek psychiatric help" towards someone you don't like for something VERY trivial. HEALING. IS. NONLINEAR. there are so many therapists that absolutely suck and will invalidate your struggles and finding the right one that will fit your needs is a literal treasure hunt that can take YEARS.

are you trying to reclaim the r slur? guess what! i hate you! even if you are disabled, you cannot reclaim a slur that people still use as a means to discriminate against intellectually and developmentally disabled folk, and you sound like a conservative dipshit! even if you say you are disabled and "reclaim" it, i do not trust you. a good chunk of people in the disabled community will gladly beat your ass.

are you autistic? if so, are you going to shame other autistics for having autistic traits that you don't have? if yes, you are 100% selfish. even comparing autistics you don't like to people like Chris-chan is also dehumanizing and adding to the stigma that we're dangerous and should be dehumanized and made fun of for having autism! Wow, sounds familiar, huh?

remember this too, that you cannot pick and choose around disability advocacy for your own comfort. Disability advocacy is about unity around all disabilities and we will fight tooth and nail for our rights to be respected and acknowledged. Even if you do not like someone who happens to be disabled and mock their disabili(ties), perhaps you should side with the oppressor with all the infighting you're doing.

(disabled folk feel free to add on, abled folk can reblog!)

[honeytonedhottie]

starting ur healing journey⋆.ೃ࿔*:･🩹🎀

healing is so important for us to function and have good quality of life. a lot of the time its easy to brush ur mental and emotional health underneath the rug but its just as important as ur physical health, if not more important. take care of urself…💬🎀

SHADOW WORK ;

shadow work is a form of journalling that focuses on confronting our "shadows" or parts of us that we dont know well, to help kind of understand ourselves better, why we respond to certain situations the way we do etc. it rly dives into urself and ur shadows.

HOT TIP ; if u search shadow work prompts on pinterest they have some rly rly good prompts, thats where i get all of my prompts. i also have a couple posts that include shadow work prompts…💬🎀

the most common way i see people do shadow work, and the way i do it, is by using shadow work prompts and choosing a few that resonate with me. i'd answer the prompt in depth and talk about it in my journal. shadow work has helped me heal in so many ways and i highly recommend it if ur thinking about starting to do shadow work every now and then.

WHAT DO U STRUGGLE WITH ;

recognizing what triggers you and things that u struggle with help you to identify the underlying source. this is called being more aware of urself, so i challenge u to dig deeper into urself and try and find out what the BIG idea is.

some things to take note of when ur trying to identify the deeper reasons for ur behaviors, feelings etc is to look at…💬🎀

♡ what do i value

♡ what do i have the strongest opinions towards

♡ what is something that i think of all the time/why do i think that all the time

by also looking at ur biggest fears, ur strongest opinions and ur deeply held values u can kind of understand what u value most and where ur insecurities and fears stem from. something that u can also look to is the things that u regret...

STRUGGLE WITH REGRET ;

first off, understand that u should recognize, reflect and then move on because living in a past moment is stagnant and u can't expect urself to heal if ur doing so. the only thing that u rly can do is heal from it and learn from whatever u regret so much so that then in the future u dont repeat those same things.

THE IMPORTANCE OF BEING GENTLE WITH URSELF ;

practice self compassion!! i swear everyone is so kind to literally everyone EXCEPT for themselves. give urself a break and humanize urself. u can do this by allowing urself to make mistakes and forcing urself out of the shame cycle. you are allowed to make mistakes cuz your human!! stop being so hard on urself.

furthermore remembering to be gentle with urself can cultivate a better relationship with self. acknowledge ur feelings and remember that whatever emotions ur feeling are totally normal and valid. doing things like…💬🎀

♡ journalling and nurturing urself, ur being gentle with urself and to me thats rly important when embarking on ur self healing journey

WAYS TO SHOW URSELF THAT U CARE ;

♡ practicing forms of self care and grooming - ur showing urself the love that u deserve and that ur worth taking care of and putting in effort for

♡ being mindful of ur health through what u eat, how much u sleep etc

♡ walking away from toxic situations, people etc and protecting ur peace in doing so

♡ getting fresh air everyday and moving ur body

♡ focus on urself and your needs before focusing on the needs of other people. you first.

SEEK AND YOU'LL FIND ;

lately most of my worries and the thing that has been putting the biggest strain on my mental health is things that i dont have the answer to. and by seeking help from some of my moots and my friends and searching on my own for answers that satisfied my curiosity i feel like i can live yk? cuz im constantly in a state of wondering and asking myself things that ik stress myself out and im working on breaking that cycle…💬🎀

[rosewine-5]

Baby Come Over

Wolverine/Logan Howlett x black fem reader

gif made by blursbian

Summary: Wade is hellbent of getting you to meet his new roommate, but what is his motive? (Note: I am not the best writer, but I had motivation, and the title is definitely not taken from Virgo’s Groove)

Warning: drunken asshole, Wade Wilson, cursing, unprotected piv smut (wrap it before you tap it) fingering, riding, soft!dom Logan MDNI 18+

Word Count: 4.2

-

Wade encouraged you to meet the new man in his life, not knowing if it was a new friend, a boyfriend, or someone he wanted to pursue romantically. Knowing him, it was probably both, but you agreed anyway. "Come on, sugar. I'm a vigilante, you're a fine-as-wine vigilante, and he's an old but good-looking mutant who needs some TLC— he'll love you immediately," Wade insisted, bringing it up again as you two talked over a late dinner while sitting on his couch.

Wade, I have to work all next week," you said, trying to get out of it. "Yeah, bartending is so hard. When was the last time you got laid? The pink vibrator doesn't count," he added for extra measure, almost making you slap him. "None of your business. Besides, I don't ask about your business even though we, unfortunately, share a wall. And why did you go through my drawer?!”

“My point being said, he needs friends, you need a new one, and if you won’t be with him I will! And besides, I'm Marvel Jesus, there's nothing I can’t do!” Wade insisted, emphasizing his statement with his hands and ignoring your question.

You knew better than to argue with him because he could go on for hours, so you agreed. You had pulled your braids into a ponytail and walked next door, where you saw the small get-together Wade had arranged. “Sweetie! You made it!” he cheered, answering the door, and dragging you in. He put you in front of him as he walked you to the back of the apartment, where Logan wasn’t facing you.

“He’s a bit grumpy today, but I’ll talk to him. Hey, three-pronged wolf!” Wade said, trying to get his attention.

He got it all right.

Before you could even introduce yourself you felt something pierce your arm, three things. You were met with the face of a man who looked like he was ready to knock someone out, it was Logan. His face quickly changed when he realized he hadn’t stabbed Wade, and immediately tried to cover the wound he made. “Ah, shit!” He cursed, looking you in the eyes.

“Now this is not how we greet potential lovers, gramps! Shame on you.” Wade scolded playfully, looking between you and Logan. “Well that’s a good icebreaker, or skin breaker I should say.” He said, looking at your already healing skin.

“Well, Logan, this is my best friend, she heals like us, curses like me. Sugar, this is Logan, the old good-looking man you should kiss for helping save the timeline. Do not fuck on my bed, and I don’t babysit.” He said, patting your cheek before walking away. You watched him leave and then leaned on the wall.

“Hell of an introduction, neighbor,” You said, trying to start a conversation. He didn’t respond but kept looking over your features as you did the same. Wade hit one thing on the mark: He was fine as hell. “How long have you known him?” Logan asked. “Ehhh, a couple of months, he’s good people, but he can be annoying as fuck some.” You said, that you two agreed.

It turns out that you both had something in common, besides the healing factor. Both of you were no strangers to drinks, and pain was a familiar feeling for both of you.

And that was how the foundation of the friendship was built. You didn’t talk much, mostly just passing each other in the hallway, a short greeting when you left for work and coming back home. That was until he found the bar you worked in. It was 5 minutes before closing, and you heard the man sit down. “What’ll it be buddy?” You asked, still wiping down the table with your back towards him.

“Whatever’s left.” Logan’s voice said, cutting through the faint sound of Sade’s voice coming through the jukebox. Your head snapped around at the familiar tone of the voice. “Wade mentioned you worked in a bar, been wondering which one it was,” Logan said, sitting down at the bar. “You didn’t think to look at the closest bar which is only a 15-minute walk from here?” You asked, leaning on the bar, a laugh leaving your lips.

He reached over, grabbed a bottle of beer, and shrugged, “Good point.” He said while taking a drink, a long one. “Let me guess. Roommate annoyance?” You asked, seeing him set down the bottle, and bringing him another one. “Yep. He made me leave the place today.” Logan explained. “Any reason for him kicking you out?” You joked, meeting his ever-so-serious eyes.

“He said either I try and make friends, or he walks around naked until I leave.” He said, almost making you cringe, “No one wants to see that.” Logan let out a short hum, before downing the beer before putting it down. As

You reached for the bottle your hand brushed his, and your eyes met in an awkward look. “Sorry-.” “My bad.” You both said at the same time. Logan then held your hand, moving it completely taking it off the bottle, and set it down behind the bar for you with his other hand.

“There. Less confusion.” He said, sitting back down. You nodded and looked at your still joined hands, noticing how his completely covered yours. You allowed yourself one more look before slowly sliding it out of his hands. As you finished cleaning up and locking up the bar, Logan stayed. As you walked back to the apartments, he walked beside you, in total silence, and both of you did.

That’s how it continued for almost a whopping 2 months. He’d show up for the last call, talk until closing, and walk you home in silence.

Until one night Logan walked in 1 hour earlier than his normal time. “You’re here early.” You pointed out, looking at the clock above the door. “Well, Wade mentioned something about you hating thunderstorms, thought you might want a familiar face around.” You never froze so fast in your life. “Oh? He told you that?” You asked, passing him a beer, Logan nodding in response.

“What if I told you he lied?” You asked, seeing him stop mid-drink to look at you, eyes with confusion. “I’m gonna strangle him,” Logan said. “He’d probably like it,” then you thought for a moment, “No, he’d love that.” He dropped the beer just in time for you to see a chuckle leave his lips with the taste of a smile, and your heart jumped. You already found him attractive, but that smile could’ve made an entire country swoon and sigh.

You looked away just in time for him to not catch you staring. “So, what do you do other than work?” Logan asked. “Vigilantism.” You replied, holding up another beer, switching up his empty bottle for a new cold one. “What did you do in your universe?” You asked. “Was a part of a team, had a suit and everything,” Logan explained. “Did they have abilities like you?” You asked, cleaning up some glasses while he talked. “Better. Way better than these claws in my skin.” He said, looking down at the counter harder than he should've.

You heard a little bit of how he was “the worst Wolverine” from Wade, and given how he was acting right now, he might have told the truth. “You remind me of one of them too. You don't look like her, but your mannerism reminds me of her.” Logan added. You took a chance and put a hand over his, “I won't pry, but if you ever want to talk, let me know.” He looked up at you with a greatful gaze, nodding his head and letting his hand hold yours.

You then looked at the clock and took your hand away from his “Closing time. Imma lock up real quick.” You said, wiping down the tables. As you were about to lock up, one man stumbled in. “We’re closed man. Go home.” You yelled. “One beer, sweetheart, it’s all I ask.” The random drunk asked, now grabbing onto your sleeve. “Were closed. Let go.” You said in a harsher tone. Trying to get your sleeve free.

“Come on sugar, just one drink.” He asked, eyes looking you up and down. “Dude. Let go!” You yelled, now trying to get his hand off you, but he had a strong grip on your wrist. Before he could respond Logan grabbed his arm, freeing you and walking him out. “Hey man what are you-.” Before he could finish Logan put his claws under the man’s neck. “The lady asked you 3 times to leave. I’m giving you 3 seconds to bounce before these find a home in your neck.”

The man stumbled back before slipping out the door. “You alright?” He asked, looking at your torn sleeve. “I’m alright.” You sighed, putting your jacket on. He walked next to you that night, almost arm and arm with you while you both made small talk. “I could’ve handled that asshole you know?” You asked him, bringing up the drunken man again. “I know, just wanted to do it.” He said, lighting a cigar, smirking, making you chuckle. “There she is.” He said, looking down at you. “What there? You asked, now across the street from the apartment. “That smile.” He said, still smoking the cigar.

As you opened the door to the building, you missed the faint blush on his cheeks. But you didn’t miss that look in his eyes and the way he looked over your body. But as he tried to open the door to his shared apartment, it was locked. “Are you fucking serious?” Logan said, now banging on the door. “Wade! Open the door!” he yelled.

Wade locked me out, and he’s not waking up.” He said, looking over at you. “I’ll try and call him.” You said, pulling out your phone and trying to call him, only for it to go straight to voicemail. “This son of a bitch.” you sighed, and put your phone away. You could tell what Logan was about to ask, so you beat him to it.

“I got a couch,” you said, unlocking your door. “I don't want to-.” “Logan, come over,” you interrupted, moving. so he could get in. You could tell he wanted to protest, but he knew he didn’t have a choice or another place to sleep. He gave the space a once-over and nodded. “Nice place,” Logan said.“I'm gonna take a quick shower, and I’ll be right out,” You said, he nodded in acknowledgment.

You turned on your heel, went down the hallway, and hopped in the bathroom. After 15 minutes you put on an oversized shirt and sleep short and walked to your close. You grabbed an extra pillow and top sheet for him.

“Here I got-.” Before you could finish you saw Logan with his shirt off looking you up and down. It was then you remembered you had gotten out of the shower, only wearing an oversized shirt and your shorts, that barely covered your thighs.

You saw his eyes staring at your legs, and then back up at you. His eyes were hungry with desire, and it was safe to say yours were too. His and was clenching and unclenching by his side. “Honey,” he breathed, “go to bed before I make a mistake.” You didn’t move, you didn’t dare. You moved closer, setting the blanket and pillow on the couch, your eyes never leaving his. “Please, walk away,” Logan said, licking his lips. “Why? When we both want the same thing?” You asked.

You swear you saw his breathing stop.

That was all he needed. He surged forward, claiming your lips with his. You could still taste the beer on his lips. His hand found your waist and then your thighs, lifting you, and groaned, looking up at you with a wolfish grin. Before he could say anything, you kissed him, your nails running through his hair as your tongue fought for control against his. His hands mapped out your skin, going over every contour and gripping your ass as he rolled his hips into yours.

A shiver ran through your veins, your thin shorts doing little to hide how much you wanted him, and he knew it. “Already? We’ve barely even started and you’re soaked?” He teased, one of his hands leaving your hips and dipping under the fabric. His fingers ran over your folds, his lips forming into a smirk as he sucked another mark into your neck. A soft moan left your lips as you felt two of his fingers dip into your cunt, “Oh fuck.”

“That’s it, honey, let me hear you,” Logan whispered. You let out a loud moan when his fingers hit your G-spot, your nails digging into his skin, emitting a groan from his lips. “Sorry.” You whispered, looking at him, only to see a feral smile on his lips. “You have no idea how much I loved that.” Logan groaned, his fingers working another finger in, making you bite down on his shoulder to muffle your moans.

“I wish you would.” He grunted, grabbed a handful of your braids, and pulled your head back, assaulting your neck with bites and kisses. “Logan!” You squealed, feeling his thumb find your clit. “Cum for me baby, let me hear it,” Logan whispered. Your hands made crescent marks on his back as you came undone, feeling his lips soothe you down from your climax.

You felt his fingers slowly come to a halt before Logan pulled his fingers out of you, his other hand letting go of your braids. “Still there, honey?” He asked, peppering kisses across your neck. You couldn’t even speak, your brain was still fogged from the orgasm you just went through. “Holy shit,” You breathed out. You finally cracked your eyes open, meeting Logan’s hungry eyes and seeing his fingers disappear in his mouth.

His tongue swirled around his digits, his eyes trained on yours. “Taste like heaven.” He said, licking his lips before claiming your lips in another kiss. You snapped out of the trance you were in as the taste of your juices hit your tongue.

You need him. You needed him now.

Your hand went to his pants, slipping under his jeans and finding his cock. He was rock-hard. He shuddered under your touch, a deep moan leaving his lips. Logan helped you get his jeans on the floor, his cock springing free and hitting his chest. “Goddamn. Someone’s blessed.” You whispered. “Is that someone you?” Logan asked, his hands slipping under the waistband of your underwear.

“Hold still for me baby,” he sighed and your arms framed his shoulders. You heard his claws come out and slice your bottoms off. “Someone’s done that before.” You teased, watching as his hand threw the fabric on the floor. Logan didn’t respond as he started to pick you up, but you held him firmly on the couch. “Nope, stay right there.” You breathed you, stroking his cock a few times.

He watched your hand pump him before positioning yourself above him. Logan’s eyes were trained on your pussy as you eased onto him. As you finally bottomed out, Logan let out a loud moan, and it almost made you cum on the spot. “Goddamn, you trying to kill me?” He asked, his hands going back to your hips. You didn’t respond as you started to move up and down, riding his cock.

Logan did little to stop the moans that were leaving his lips. “Fuck, honey. You’re squeezing me like a goddamn vice,” Logan sighed, letting you set the pace. You kissed his neck and sucked marks into his neck, not giving a damn that they wouldn’t be there tomorrow. As you bit one spot closer to his collarbone, he let out a whine. You focused on that spot and bounced on his cock a little faster.

He suddenly gripped your hips as a broken moan left his lips, “Fuck, wait.” He sighed, holding you still on his cock. “Why’d you make me stop?” You asked, looking at his screwed-shut eyes. Logan suddenly grabbed you and picked you up, still keeping you on his cock. “Which one is your room?” He asked. “Down the hall to the left,” You said. Logan walked down the hallway and you thanked god you left the door open.

He laid you and climbed over you, kneeling on the bed and pulling you closer, his cock moving between your thighs to rest on top of your belly button. You leaned up and rested on your forearms, and looked back down at his cock. “To answer your question from earlier,” Logan said, leaning down and tilting your chin up to look at him, “I stopped you because there’s more room on a bed than a couch.”

He looked down at you and licked his lips before catching your lips in a passionate kiss. Your hand cupped his cheek as you returned it, your tongue finding its way into his mouth.

You were so caught up in his kisses you didn’t register the head of his cock tapping your clit until you felt it slam into you, a scream falling out of your lips. Logan laid you back in your sheets and let his hand that wasn’t holding your thigh trail in between your chest and down your stomach as he fucked you. “Keep those eyes open for me, ya hear?” He asked, you nodding in response.

He didn’t waste a second after. Logan’s cock began to thrust in and out of you, sliding almost all the way out of you to only slam back in, emitting a moan from you every time. You writhed under him, looking up at his wild and feral expression. His mouth was open, looking down at your fucked out one, moaning loudly as you held the pillow behind you.

You could hear the sound of your headboard hitting the wall, the grunts coming out of his mouth, and you didn’t give a damn if anyone heard. All you cared about was the amount of pleasure he was giving you. As he hit that one spot that cut your breath off, you bit the pillow and screwed your eyes shut.

Immediately you felt Logan stop and he grabbed your wrist with one hand and pinned it beside your head, his own hovering over yours. “I said eyes open, darling. And don’t even think of hiding those pretty fucking moans from me.” He whispered. He then dropped his hand from your thigh and put it over his.

He now used one hand to wipe the sweat off your forehead, “You still here honey?” He asked, you nodded in response and opened your eyes. Logan was grinning down at you, taking in your tired face, “There’s my girl.” He softly kisses your lips before picking up his bruising pace, making you scream again, “Logan!” Your nails found their way to his back, making marks on his skin. “That’s right honey, let everyone on this goddamn floor who’s fucking you,” Logan grunted, using his free hand to hold your hip, his fingers digging into your skin.

The bed was creaking more as his thrust picked up, one of his hands starting to play with your clit. You instinctively let out a high-pitched whine and you swore he growled for a moment. “Logan, I’m gonna-, oh fuck!” You moaned, your hips bucking into his as you writhed your bed. “Yeah that’s it, let me see you come.” Logan cooed, His hand working your clit faster.

It didn’t take long for a long moan to erupt out of your mouth, your orgasm hitting you like a freight train. Your walls squeezed him like a vice as his free thumb caressed your chin. “Now that’s a sight I need to see more of.” Logan moaned with a smile on his face. You felt his hips pick up the pace and his moans getting louder as he was on the verge of his orgasm, both of his hands now holding your legs open.

“Tell me where honey,” Logan asked, looking down at you. Your legs only pulled him closer, and that was all the confirmation he needed. A sinful whimper left his lips as he spilled into you, his eyes screwing shut. Logan held himself up and let the waves of the orgasm wear off before he moved, flopping down in your bed next to you. “Goddamn.” He sighed, catching his breath.

You nodded, looking up at the ceiling. “For a 200-plus-year-old, you fuck like you’re 30.” You said, looking over at him only to meet his gaze, “I don’t hear you complaining.” Logan teased, pulling a chuckle from you. “After the two orgasms you gave me, I’d be a goddamn fool too.” You said with a laugh. A yawn soon came from your mouth as you turned on your side, “Wore you out that much?” Logan asked, leaning over and looking down at you with an amused smirk on his face.

“Yeah, and I’m, once again, not complaining,” you said, feeling yourself drifting off to sleep. That night was one of the best you ever had, followed by one of the best mornings. You awoke to the sound of someone breathing in your ear and an arm around your waist.

Logan slept in your bed last night, and you slept in his arms. As looked down, his hand was rubbing your hip through the sheets. “You’re awake?” You asked, turning around and meeting his eyes, “I’ve been up for a while.” You felt his thumb caress your cheek, a tender touch matching the emotion in his eyes. “I know this is probably a stupid to ask, given the circumstances, but would you like to grab a drink with me? Ya know, outside of work,” Logan asked.

You only leaned up and kissed his lips before pulling back and looking at him, “I’d love to.” Logan broke out into a grin that could rival the sun and returned the kiss. After a quick shower and getting dressed, you were about to make breakfast when a loud knock hit your door. “Who is it?” Logan asked, coming out of the bathroom with a towel wrapped around his waist. You couldn't stop your eyes from wandering down his chest, but you refocused, “I don't know, I didn't answer it.

The person knocked harder a second time, almost startling you. Logan walked forward and opened the door, only to find no one there. You peeped out the hallway, saw Wade’s door open, and heard music coming from it. “I think I know who it was.” You recognized the song coming from inside too: Sexual Healing. As you walked in, Wade was singing along before he saw you walk in and popped a confetti cannon.

“Congratulations!” he yelled, and Blind Al popped hers as well. “I guess Christmas came early because I know you did last night,” Wade then looked over your shoulder, and nodded, “Both of you did.” Logan was standing behind you and closed the door, only in the towel. “What the hell is all of this?” Logan asked. “A small celebration for you finally getting laid. All part of my plan last night.” Wade explained. Logan immediately walked past you, “What the hell does that mean?”

“Well come on man, I knew it was bound to happen when you took more than 15 minutes to get back, you think I locked you out by accident?” Wade grinned, and it all clicked. “You knew I would let him crash?” You asked, seeing the shit-eating grin grow on his face. “Oh I knew you would let him do more than that, sugar, besides that's what you both fucked on wasn't it?”

You and Logan shared a look, confused about how we knew. “First of all, neither of you tried to be quiet, at all, especially you Donna Summer,” Wade said, pointing at you. “Two, I could hear the headboard hitting the wall thanks to tall strong big dick vintage-rine over here,” he continued. “And three, someone with claws made a little hole in the wall, and trust me, I heard it all.”

Logan’s mouth was open while you wanted the ground to swallow you whole. Wade then went to the fridge and pulled out a cake and got candles. “Happy first fuckiversary, my friends,” Wade said, putting the candle in the middle, above a gel doodle of two stick figures. One of them had boobs and was on her back with her legs in the air while the other with claws was in front of her. “Made this little doodle last night,” Wade said as he lit the candle, “go ahead, blow it, you’ll be doing a lot of that later.”

You didn't miss the wink he gave Logan as you blew out the candle. You took the cake and looked at Wade. “Thanks for the cake,” You said, hugging him, “and thanks for locking the door.” You took the cake and then left, Logan shutting the door behind him as you both went back to your apartment. “He’s never gonna let that go is he?” Logan asked, you shaking your head in response. “Nope, now go back over there and get dressed.”

He had a quick, confused look on his face. "Why?" you explained, throwing him his pants and shirt. "You made a damn hole in my wall, you're helping me fix it." "Yes, ma'am," he chuckled, walking back over to his and Wade's apartment.

You never thought you would see the day you would thank Wade for bringing you a man, but I guess Marvel Jesus works in mysterious ways.

[sinning-23]

Backseat Pillow Princess (Pt.2)

And by popular demand (and because ei couldn't just leave it how I had it and planned on making a part 2 anyway) I BRING YOU PT.2! I really tried to conjure of some kinky freak nasty shit in this y'all so uhhh just be dually noted that I really tried my best with this.

Warnings: tag-team, p in v, multiple rounds, refractory period? we don't know her, creampie, unprotected, biting, choking, eiffel tower in a fucking car dude it gets wicked, nipple play, edging, degrading, praise, light banter, how did we end up outside the gd car????, spit as lube

Hope yall enjoy lol the endingit idk ill probably tweak it later yall pls dotn shame me i was starting to feel bad for makingyall wait so long!

Enjoy~

PT.1 HERE

______________________________________________________________

It all happens so fast that you can hardly register the clash of teeth and tongue. You can feel the growl that rises up his throat and past his lips on your own, the taste metallic but sweet.

You’re breathless, Wade attacking your neck with the same speed and intensity. Your senses are overwhelmed, body riding a 9-hour (give or take) high.

"You are a fucking sicko, you’re soaked through the leather." Logan grunts, tugging your lower lip with his canines,

"Forget that, look at her tits," Wade gasps, looking at the little bumps your hardened nipples made through the fabric.

Part of you should feel embarrassed but you can’t seem to function when there're two separate mouths and two pairs of hands adorning your body. If your uniform wasn't torn to shreds, it definitely was now, a familiar set of claws slicing latex leather away from your flesh easily.

"Great now what am I supposed to wear when this is over?! At least be a little nice to me!" You huff, peeling the shredded fabric away before attacking the older man before you.

A bit surprised, Logan leans back against the door, your chest flush against him as your breaths mix, hot and heavy in the space. You can feel Wade shift, large hands at your hips with your ass against his pelvis. Finding Logan’s zipper was easy, your fingertips tugging at it as you caught his lower lip between your teeth.

"C'mon let's make this fair. I’m the only one showing some skin.” You purr, pulling the little piece of metal down to reveal tanned, toned abs. The thin sheen of sweat and blood makes them glisten.

You practically drool, the sight of them in the moonlight now seared into your brain.

"Jesus you're built like a brick fucking wall-" You gasp, hesitating to touch before running your hands down Logan's chest, then stomach.

"Like a godddamn marble sculpture," Wade adds, taking his chance to admiring the man beneath the both of you.

He chuckles a bit, shrugging his sleeves off before connecting your lips again. It’s shot though, mostly because you can’t help but look at him.

“Nuh uh, lemme see you.” You command, pushing him back against the door.

He groans, your lip tucking beteeen your teeth as you presses kisses to his pulse, trailing downward as his neck flexed perfectly with the rest of his torso and stomach.

“Gorgeous.” You mumble, finally making your way down to his v-line before licking a stripe right back towards, ending it with a faint bite.

“Shame I can’t mark you up how I want, you’ll just heal it.” You sigh, thumbs tracing Logan’s belt now.

You grind down, a heavy, “oh fuck,” leaving your lips as Wade chuckles from behind you. Speaking of which, he had managed to pull your uniform a little past your ass, his hands squeezing the flesh there.

Of course you can’t help but tilt your head back, accepting sloppy open-mouth kisses from the mercenary when he cups your pussy from behind. Purposefully dragging his middle finger between your folds, his mouth swallows up your whimpers, a grin ever present over the lower half of his scarred face.

"Shit you weren't lying, she is soaked." Wade huffs, licking a stipe up your neck, his chest flush against your back

"You know I had to find a way to get your attention, I was starting to feel left out?" Wade taunts, his ring and middle finger two-knuckles deep in you, the squelching echoing.

Logan, eager to please makes a point to suck a mouthful of your tits, his canines grazing over them. He growls, breathing hot against your skin. His free hand cups your other, thumb swiping over your nipple as your palm presses down against his bulge.

"You gonna take it out or just keep pushing on it?" Logan grumbles, hips rolling into you.

It's hard to think, pleasure flooding your senses as you try your hand at helping his length spring free. Fuck, he's rock hard. And soon enough it's in your hand, hard, hot, and dripping with precum.

If you had to give an example of a photogenic dick, his would be at the top of your list. It's got a slight upward bend, the tip slightly tanned as beads of precum rolled down the side. And right beside that slick train that oozes downward, is a thick vein adorned by a smaller one. Your mouth waters, tongue lulling out of your mouth to taste it.

You're stopped, however, when Wade grips your hair, reminding you that HE is the one with his fingers in you, making your pussy drool with each thrust.

You pause, squeezing the base of Logan's dick in response, just to have the male sigh heavily under you.

"Almost lost your manners huh? That's okay I'll help you." Wade announces, seeing the brief irritation flash behind Logan's hazel eyes.

"You ask when you want something," Wade huffs, tone low and dangerous.

You swallow hard, taking a deep breath through your nose before using your thumb to press down on the tip.

"Please?" You whimper, mouth watering now, needing nothing more than to wrap your lips around his length.

"Please what, honey?" Logan encourages, using his thumb to push past your kiss-bitten lips and press down on your tongue, the saliva dripping down his palm and forearm.

"Please let me suck it." You finish, a satisfied grin finally filling Logan's features.

He nods his head in your direction, his fist at the base as you roll your tongue out your mouth, engulfing the tip, tasting the bittersweet precum slide down your throat. He groans, releasing his hand the farther down you go.

You thank the gods above for your almost nonexistent gag reflex, because once you got a feel for just how he settled in your mouth,you wasted to time getting him acclimated to your throat.

"Fuckkkk that's it, honey, swallow." He grunts, flashing those pretty canines as you do exactly what he says, the flex of your throat making his hand shoot to your head.

Between the feeling of you gulping Logan down and Wade's fingers still stretching you out, you're bound to reach your peak at any minute now. And then you feel it.

Empty for a moment, and finally...

"What, you didn't think I was getting this pussy ready for nothing did you?" Wade chuckles, your spine shivering when his tip slid between your aching wetness.

Arching more, Wade grabs a nice handful of the flesh between your hips and your ass, easily filling your needy cunt as you lift your head, gasping in response to the stretch. A sign of saliva connects your lower lip to the slightly reddened tip of Logan's cock. All you can do is whimper, bracing yourself as Wade thrusts into you, pace quick and calculated.

"F-uck!' You hum, each thrust breakign up the syllabus

Your hands scrath at Logan's chest, using him as an anchor to keep yourself from cumming too quickly. He only chuckles, tugging your hair to place a bruising kiss on your lips, his free hand using your saliva to pick up where you'd left off.

"Squeezing, fuck you're tight." Wade huffs, teeth sinking into your shoulder as Logan's lips swallow up your painfully pleasured whine.

"Close, so close, need it" Is all you can muster up, your hips now meeting his in an attempt to speed the process up.

And sure enough, the knot that had worked its way into your core finally snaps, your strangled moans filling up and pouring out the Honda, your head throwing itself back, as you ride out the high. All you can hear are praises and encouragement from behind and in front of you, all of which are fading in and out as your ears ring.

'Thats it'

'C'mon honey give it to me'

'Good fucking girl'

'So wet holy shit'

'Look how fuckin pretty you are'

'That arch, jesus christ'

"Sooo good, oh fuck yes." You whine, tucking your lower lip between your teeth.

Once your eyes manage to flicker back open, you're met with the prettiest view, and you gasp at the sight, already feeling yourself ready for another round.

Thee he was, eyes screwed shut, brows creasing as his chest rises and falls in time with his fist, which was now dripping with thick, silky looking ropes of cum. His jaw is clenched, a growl bubbling past his lips as you reach your hand down to help guide him, the substance coating your fingertips.

"You look so pretty when you cum." You hum, then grabbing his jaw to give another forecefull yet intimate kiss, your tongues slipping past one another.

“My turn,” Logan growls, pulling the door open in one swift movement before tugging your body outside the car.

You gasp, legs feeling more like jelly after Wade had already turned your insides to mush.

You wobble a bit, using the edge of the door to steady yourself before you’re stuffed full again. An overstimulated moan forces its its way out of you. He feels even better inside than in your palm. And yet, he doesn’t move, the sound of Logan’s hollow, shaky breaths mere centimetres from your ear.

“Oh honey.” He groans, his hips moving just to slam back into you, a pleasured yelp leaving your lips in response.

“Can hardly take it, look at you fucking shaking.” He chuckles, sinking his teeth into your shoulder, your head falling foreward as you’re overwhelmed with so many different feelings. The pain from the fight mixed with the pleasure from his strokes and the previous orgasm.

“Don’t- oh Fuckk. Don’t patronize me-.” You whimper, gripping the edge of the door for dear life, the smack of his pelvis to your ass loud and rhythmic.

As if you weren’t already fucked out, Wade managed to scoot riiiiight in front of you, just enough so that his cock is resting against your cheek, and god does your mouth water.

“Let’s keep you busy, huh sweetie?” Wade hums, his tip pressing against your glossy lower lip.

You’re eager to accept, letting your tongue roll around the head before taking as much of him as you can. Every slight thrust of his hips pushed him further and further down your throat, alive dripping down your chin and onto the torn, blood-stained seats below.

It doesn’t take long before you’re right back to square one, legs trembling as your labored breaths quicken in pace.

“Ohhh fuck, squeezing. You’re about to cum arent you honey?” Logan chuckles, squeezing the flesh of your hip before landing a brutal smack to your ass.

He smirks at the sight of the recoil, and doesn’t it again, each smack leaving a nice shade of red. You don’t even have a chance to warn him before you cum, the blissful feeling making you shudder, throat coated with sticky release as Wade tangles his fingers in your scalp.

What you weren’t expecting, was for your release to trickle down your thighs, each thrust only making your squelch more and more. The familiar twinge of overstimulation ravages your senses as you swallow down Wade’s release.

And unfortunately, you’re empty again, peeking over your shoulder just to see Logan finishing on the perfect curve of your back. The pearly beads of cum rolling down your ass and up your spine.

There’s a few beats of silence, paired with the laibored breathes or three violent and fucked out regenerarive assholes.

But of course, Wades specially is breaking silence.

“Hey how come you didn’t squirt for me?” He huffs in faux disappointment.

You can practically hear Logan roll his eyes, whom of which had made a point to massage where he had hit earlier.

“Please shut the fuck up.” Logan huffs, shuffling around the car to either A: find something to clean you up with or B: something for you to wear.

Either way, you're beyond fucked out, the previous tension finally dying down as you're bathed in moonlight. It takes a little effort from the two males but they successfully lean you against the middle console.

Lucky for you, there just so happened to be an extra set of clothes hidden in the trunk most likely belonging to the variant you got this stupid car from anyway.

Meh, I think missing clothes will be the least of his worries considering this piece of shit car is absolutely thrashed...

And now tainted with spit and cum-

Tag list: @awoodsysimp411 @solheartz @brucebannerswifey @oscarissac2099 @yourlocalhot-simp @of-daisies-and-dandelions @peachybaby255 @bby-pinky-pink @mimi786 @bontensbabygirl @jupiterlvr @silverloveless @saturnhas82moons @zeeader @queermaxwooo @turtlefordestiel @dumpster-hellfire @kultofkorii @mxtaurus @bumblebeebutter @buryth3hatchet @9iavolo @speedybeta @myersobsessed

[fatliberation]

If its ok to ask; how do you feel about fat kinks? I havent seen any fat acceptance blogs talk abt it. /genq

I know it's a sore spot for a lot of fat liberationists (and yes, I'm quite familiar with why so please do not take to my inbox), I think people are scared to talk about it. personally, I think it is crucial that people with fat kinks are able to access fat liberation spaces so long as they leave the kink at the door. I say this not only because the majority of them are fat people, but because that community is steeped in a deep shame and feeling of brokenness for taking delight in fatness and/or weight gain, which perpetuates rampant fatphobia. and fat liberation is what will heal those wounds. I don't understand it when fat activists tell kinksters/fetishists/feedists, whatever you want to call them to stay out of the fat liberation movement. because what is the alternative? do you want them against the movement? that doesn't make sense at all. I think people are so uncomfortable, disgusted, or afraid of this community they don't understand, that they just wish they wouldn't exist. they aren't going away. kink is akin to sexuality, to identity, to queerness. I think what people really mean when they say feedists should stay out of fat lib is, "kink should stay within spaces designated for kink." we aren't talking about kink when it comes to who can belong in a movement, we are talking about people. it is wrong to equate every person who has a kink or a fetish to a predator. it causes very real harm to those people, because they internalize that message that their kink makes them a bad person who is inherently worthless, who has to hide. if feedists aren't welcome in fat liberation, they aren't welcome anywhere.

I think that people who love fat people, love feeding people, love their own fat bodies, who see their fattest selves as their most satisfying selves, would be natural allies to this movement once they find their way to it and feel safe and accepted here. I want to make it absolutely clear that ANYONE is welcome on this blog as long as they aren't harassing or harming anyone. so many of my followers and biggest supporters are kink blogs. some of my closest friends and fat liberationist allies are feedists. I know feedists who are way more educated and passionate about fat lib and body politics than most people I've met. I don’t wish for anyone to feel alienated on my blog - especially fellow fat folks and fellow fat allies. we are 100% FAT POSITIVE AND SEX POSITIVE on this blog, babey‼️

In fact I feel really glad when I see fat kink/feedism blogs engaging with my content bc it means that person is putting the work in to understand systemic fatphobia, how to be an ally to fat people (if they aren't fat themselves), but also healing their community through education and acceptance. and HOT TAKE, BUT: when it does happen?? when feedists aren't shrouded in internalized fatphobia, shame, and isolation, and instead start embracing this innate, powerful appreciation for fatness, it's literally so fucking beautiful? and so very queer?

choosing to gain weight on purpose as an act of self creation. because it feels Right for you. gaining weight to affirm the relationship you have with your body. getting fatter because you feel so much of your identity (even gender presentation!) is attached to your fat body. feeling sexiest when you're fat. someone else worshipping that about you. giving unlimited permission to nourish yourself and/or others - and taking carnal delight in it. releasing food rules and food guilt through centering pleasure. food and fatness as an erotic and sensory experience. finding feedist partners who also have this ingrained love of fatness that can't be replicated, partners who are willing and eager to support and adore your fat body, NOT merely tolerate it. reclaiming tropes used against you through kink, and turning a loving gaze inward. saying "fuck you" to the system and choosing to take up more space in a world that consistently tries to shrink you. never denying yourself pleasure even though everyone is telling you you don't deserve it. feedism is such an interesting facet of the endless spectrum of human sexuality and I think that once people in that community find liberation and heal their relationship to the kink, it can be one of the most radical forms of self acceptance and exercising complete bodily autonomy.

I already know that a love letter to feedism coming from a fat lib blog is gonna piss people off. I'm going to lose a lot of followers, I'm going to get a lot of hate. but. kink in general is SO demonized and SO misunderstood and as liberationists we should also be open to sexual liberation. so much of this discomfort around feedism comes from a lack of education and understanding about kink in general. feedism doesn't = fatphobia in the same way that bdsm doesn't = misogyny or abuse. quite the contrary, if practiced ethically, with informed consent. every community has assholes. especially when those communities are small, ostracized, and so young that there are next to zero resources for self acceptance, safety, education, and accountability. in fact, the assholes are the ones that you're going to SEE because every respectful person is staying away and out of your business. if you've been harassed by someone with a fat kink, that is so shitty and I'm sorry that happened to you. I know it happens a lot. try to remember that what you experienced was abuse, not kink.

what consenting individuals choose to do with their bodies is entirely their business and there is nothing wrong with kink. (and I will not stand for sex-negative, puritan bullshit in my inbox, thank you very much.)

reminder: fat pleasure is fat liberation.