#we like batman a lot

[ketchup-monthly]

Batfam’s Favorite Batman Actors

with the help of the lovely @space-specs who typed most of this while we talked at like 1AM

Bruce-  Kevin Conroy (SO many things, but most well known for DCAU) (he’s THE batman actor and its only fitting that he is bruce’s favorite.)(i made myself cry with the implications of this -specs)

Dick- Michael Keaton (Burtonverse) (Keaton reminds us of what bruce should be like around the time he gets dick, so watching the movies would make dick nostalgic for those days, even if Keaton didn’t have a Robin in those movies)(plus the lack of neck mobility would make dick laugh bc he’s been batman and had to wear the cowl before, even if he could turn his neck)

Babs- Diedrich Bader (Batman: the Brave and the Bold, Harley Quinn the Animated Series) (Its a really goofy interpretation of Batman and unlike some of the younger bats or bats who haven’t been around as long, who believe that Bruce was never that goofy, she has the videos. She knows, and gets no end of amusement from the fact that Bruce and Dick used to be that ridiculous)

Jason- David Masouz (Gotham) (Baby Bruce triggers Jason’s latent inherited adoption instincts and he's mad about it. The show also tackles all the weird shit Bruce gets up to, especially in response to grief, which we think is important for him to see)

Tim- Ben Affleck (DCEU) (Similar to Dick, Affleck is a Bruce that is familiar to Tim. This is a Bruce that still has hope for building a better world, but it’s also a Bruce that has lost so much and is in crisis)(plus hes a dilf -ketchup)(this one also makes me cry a bit if i think about it too long -ketchup)

Cass- Adam West (Batman (1966)) (She definitely has a bunch of reaction gif from this show that she sends all the time. It just sparks joy to imagine Bruce in such a whimsical version of Gotham)(it’s the slapstick -ketchup)

Steph- George Clooney (Batman & Robin) (Similar to Cass, Steph loves being a nuisance to Bruce about this. the goddamn batnipples, y'all 💀)

Duke- Will Arnett (The Lego Batman Movie, The Lego Movie 1&2) (He’s hijacked the speakers in the Batmobile to blast the Lego Batman tunes. Also, thinking about the time Duke confronted Bruce so he would stop hiding from the fact that he was Batman vs. Arnett's Batman having to realize that he isn't better off alone.)

Damian- Ethan Hawke (Batwheels) (He would never admit out loud to enjoying both batwheels and Ethan Hawke's Batman. That man is such a dad even in the cowl and Damian would love that)(we like batwheels, and are not afraid to admit it, unlike one small tiny feral child -specs)

Cullen- Val Kilmer (Batman Forever) (He’s gay. We're gay. Val Kilmer pretty)

Harper- Troy Baker (DC Lego movies) (It's Lego, enough said. He’s just a little guy! She loves watching the Shazam one and Family Matters back to back. (Her and Duke both bond and argue about their different Lego Batman’s in turn))(are we projecting? a little bit. the shazam lego movie is the best one, closely followed by family matters -ketchup)

Kate- Christian Bale (Nolanverse) (She likes Bale as an actor (she enjoys American Psycho), but doesnt like Nolan’s interpretation of Batman. He is, however, painfully straight, and that amuses her to no end. If she and Bruce patrol together, she will follow him around doing the Bale Batman voice)(fun fact! ketchups least favorite batman actor bc they dont like the nolan movies :D)

Alfred- Winston Duke (Batman: Unburied) (the one thing Alfred wants is for Bruce to be happy. thinking about the speech Bruce gives to his parents about the joy he has found in being Batman)(plus BU is a podcast so he can listen to it while gardening or doing other things)(legit tho, this is one of the ones that almost made us cry)

Terry- Robert Pattinson (The Batman (2022)) (It’s the flying squirrel suit for him. Terry also sees a lot of himself in Battinson, and it’s refreshing for Terry to see that Bruce wasn’t infallible as Batman. He didn’t have all the answers, and that was okay. Terry doesn’t need to be perfect to live up to Bruce’s example, because Bruce wasn’t perfect.)(sobs sobs sobs sobs sobs sobs sobs -ketchup)

Matt- Joe Walker (Holy Musical B@ man) (He quotes this musical religiously. He sings the songs on patrol to annoy Terry. He is just like me fr. He has also said the “aaaaaalfreeeeeeed! How could you do this to me? You got my hopes up so high and then you mugged and shot them in an alleyway” line in front of Bruce exactly once and then never did it again)

Jarro- Roger Craig Smith (Batman: Ninja) (Because Batman: Ninja is a fucked up little movie and Jarro is a fucked up little starfish -ketchup)(The plot to this movie sure is something)

Drake Winston- Jeffrey Wright (Batman: the Audio Adventures) (Good with kids. Honestly, seems like a halfway between B:TAS and Keaton, which feels fitting for Drake)(plus its a podcast that he can listen to while working in the shop or on patrol so yay! bonus!)

Carrie Kelley- Codot (Rogues! the Podcast) (given the everything about DKR universe, this one feels appropriate for her with Bruce being an asshole)

Jim Gordon- Ben McKenzie (Batman: Year One) (Batman: Year One really focuses in on building the relationship between the two. Also ketchup pulled a sneaky on me by selling me on this before I realized it was also the actor for Gotham Jim and this is now hilarious -specs)

Bette Kane- Jensen Ackles (Batman: The Long Halloween) (She watches Supernatural and thinks its funny. She actively makes supernatural references to Bruce. He pretends not to get them. The other bats get the jokes and find it so amusing)

Luke Fox- Rino Romano (The Batman (2004)) (It just feels right. Hes a serious batman but he has kids. Also he has claws and Luke thinks that Bruce should implement those in his own suit with how often he has had to listen to Alfred and Lucius complain about Bruce damaging himself or property while falling off of buildings that he couldn’t get a good enough grip on)

Bonus!

Hal Jordan- Jason O’Mara (DCAMU) (He’s a more serious Batman, he’s such a dad, but also he’s a little shit and Hal loves that about him. (are we pushing our superbatlantern agenda? Yeah a little bit. Fight us -ketchup)

Clark Kent- Bruce Greenwood (Young Justice, Batman: Under the Red Hood, Batman: Death in the Family) (This is a Batman, a Bruce, who has lost his son, and Clark wanted so badly to be there for Bruce at that point, but Bruce pushed him away and Clark was forced to watch from the outside as his best friend was self destructing. It’s a little hard for him to watch at times, but this is a man who would stand up to Clark and tell him what he was doing wrong, and be there to support him if he truly needed it, even if it wasn’t in the most gentle way. Also most notably, it is these two versions of Bruce that get dessert at Bibbo’s Diner with Clark. (i will push my dessert at bibbos agenda until i die -ketchup)

[prlssprfctn]

To this day, I think the crack-au with Jason joining Bruce Wayne alike competition for fun and accidentally winning, and this becoming a reason why the whole Batfamily finds out that Jason is alive in the first place, is the funniest version of a fix-it scenario.

[ditzybat]

tim: nah man, i stay away from drugs, last time i touched that stuff i killed someone

jason: you… killed someone?

tim: i mean, she was resuscitated after and definitely set it up so i would kill her (i think), but you know it’s the principle of the matter right?

jason: that’s an original experience i fear

[captainadwen]

Damian Wayne vs the World

Sixteen year old Damian Wayne is on the hunt for a younger sibling. Being more discerning than Bruce 'child collector' Wayne, Damian's firm criteria for Batman's latest adoption problem includes but is not limited to: black haired, blue-eyed, tolerable humor, not evil, and most importantly - younger than Damian.

Lucky for him, fourteen year old newbie vigilante Danny Fenton is the perfect fit. Now, to fulfill his end of their deal, Damian must defeat the evil government organization hunting Danny in order to gain a baby brother.

Or, @livinghalfway your post made my brain go !! but in such a different way I figured it was better to make a separate post, hope you don't mind/enjoy still

~~

Damian Wayne re-entered Tim Drake's life like a gnat revealing itself in a closed bedroom space. Tim was in t-shirt and a boxers, maneuvering ramen into his mouth with one hand and scribbling out an epiphany on a murder case with another, when Damian's demonic dulcet voice echoed down from the ceiling. "Drake," said Damian, judgemental, "You live like this?"

Tim nearly choked on his ramen, because the day Damian doesn't attempt to murder him - however doubtfully accidental this incident might be - is the day Darkseid decides to be friends with the Justice League. "Fucking knock," Tim coughed out. "And get out. No one invited you in."

"Put better traps if you don't want me here," said Damian, dropping from the ceiling where he'd crawled in on wall-clamps.

"This is my apartment," said Tim. "It's called courtesy."

Damian sniffed. He padded around to Tim's desk and frowns at his cases, then said, with no further lead up, "I need your assistance."

"No," said Tim.

"You did not even listen to my request."

"Don't need to," said Tim. "Answer's still no. Door is that way. Bye."

"Father says mutually assisting each other is beneficial," said Damian.

"Father," said Tim sarcastically, "blamed me for you exploding a glitter bomb in the batcave two weeks ago."

"That is your fault for not being able to provide evidence to the contrary in an appropriately efficient manner," said Damian. He squinted down at Tim. "And he apologized. Eventually."

"I would not have glittered the batcomputer," said Tim. "Do you know how much of a pain in the ass it is to backup those servers? No, because you don't like tech work, you just profit off it."

"Blaming me for Father's mistake," said Damian, "Most mature of you. But we must put our differences aside. I have selected a new family member and I need you to dismantle a government organization."

That drew Tim up short. He blinked down at his ramen as though it might explain Damian's words to him, but the ramen remained disappointingly uninformative. "Repeat that," said Tim, gesturing with his chopsticks. "Slower, and with more detail."

Damian pulled out his phone and sent him an email. Silence surrounded them in the brief moment it took Tim to set aside his chopsticks and open the email. The subject line was titled 'New Baby Brother', which birthed all sorts of horrifying nightmares of Damian Part 2: Demon Child Boogaloo. The teen in the inserted picture, however, was reassuringly not in possession of Damian's bone structure.

He did have black hair and blue eyes. "Who am I looking at?" asked Tim.

"Daniel Fenton," said Damian. "He is fourteen years old, enjoys puns, and has recently awakened 'ghost powers' that allow him to transform into the vigilante Phantom to fight other ghosts."

"Is he also an orphan with a tragic backstory?"

"No," said Damian, and Tim relaxed. "But that will not be an issue. We can share custody if they cannot be removed from the picture."

"Jesus H, kid."

"I am joking, of course," said Damian blandly. "Murder is wrong."

"Ha ha," said Tim. "If he has parents already he's not joining our menagerie."

"He will," said Damian, with a smug upwards tilt of his lips. "He and I have a deal."

"So you're coercing him in addition to stalking him. Anything else you want to share with the class?"

Damian considered this query with a serious frown, which was how Tim knew this was not a flight of fancy or a very early midlife crisis (although with their lifestyle and Damian already having died before...).

"He has," said Damian after a moment, "a rogue that calls himself 'The Master of all Technology' and is a technopath." This was clearly meant to be of interest to Tim, and not to be a stereotype, but it kind of was.

"Great." Tim turned his attention back to the email the demon child sent him. He scanned through it quickly. There was apparently a secret and evil government organization dedicated to the investigation and extermination of 'ghosts' and other paranormal creatures in the world. Their latest efforts were focused on the town of Amity Park, Illinois, which was 'infested with ectoplasmic pests'. Their words, not Damian's. (It was specified in the email.)

"Okay," Tim drummed his fingers against his desk. "Before I help you defeat this secret evil government organization so that," he opened the email attachment with a contract on it and squinted at the legalese, "this poor newbie teen you've harassed into signing this joins the family in exchange."

"I did not harass him," Damian huffed. "It was a gentleman's agreement."

"Does he know that?"

"I am not a politician, Drake. I thoroughly explained the terms and legalities before presenting any contract. Now ask your question."

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because," said Damian, tone implying 'you are stupid and haven't noticed something obvious, idiot'. "Father has begun saying he misses the noise around the manor and looking wistfully at old pictures."

"We still live there though?" said Tim. Damian looked flatly at him. "Sometimes."

"If you lived there frequently enough," said Damian, "you would already know Father is having...empty nest syndrome." Damian sounded disgusted. "I refuse to tolerate whatever inadequate and incompetent child he will find."

"So instead you found an incompetent and inadequate child for him?"

"Don't be stupid, Drake," said Damian. "I would not have chosen someone inadequate. Daniel is merely lacking formal training. Father can rectify this. It will keep him occupied for at least the next two to four years, which gives me enough time to find another black-haired, blue-eyed, tolerable child I approve of to be his successor and my second younger sibling." Damian paused. "Or until one of you procreates and gives him a grandchild."

"You're really serious about this," Tim whispered in horrified awe.

"I am serious about everything I do," said Damian. "Now, you will help me defeat this evil government organization so that our new sibling joins us."

"Okay," said Tim, but his mind snagged on a minor, throwaway detail, so utterly in odds with Damian 'Demonic Jealous Child' Al Ghul it surely came from another person - "Did you just call this kid your successor?"

[hailsatanacab]

A Persuasive Argument - dpxdc

"Great!" Danny says, clapping his hands together to get everyone's attention. The dinner table falls silent as everyone looks towards him. It's a full house today and, honestly, Danny's a little nervous. "I'm sure you're all wondering why I gathered you here today."

"It's dinnertime. In our house." Duke mutters, while doing a very bad job of concealing his yawn. He holds his fork poised over the braised beef, but, just like everyone else, still looks towards Danny before tucking in. It's intriguing enough to wait.

"Yeah, no one misses Alfie's dinner." Dick says, with a brilliant smile that Danny can't help but return.

"Precisely! What better time to talk to you all than when you're all actually here!"

"Wait, I thought you came round to work on our English essays?" Tim asks, blinking owlishly.

"I'm afraid I've lured you here under false pretences, Tim."

"This is where I live."

"I would still really appreciate help on that essay though, I mean, what the hell is Hamlet even about? I just don't get that old time-y language, like 'Hark! A ghost hath killed me!' - absolute rubbish, what does that even mean?"

"The ghost never kills anyone in Hamlet, he's there to tell Hamlet that he was murdered. Have you actually read it?"

"No, but it sounds like you have. Tim, I want this guy to help me with my essay instead. I know for a fact that you haven't read Hamlet, either."

"So? We don't need Jason, I've read the Sparknotes."

"Hi Jason, I'm Danny, pleasure to meet you, summarise Hamlet in three sentences or less."

"Am I auditioning to help you write your essays? I can't believe you’ve gone through your whole school life without reading it, it’s good!"

"Hamlet, along with a number of other classics, was banned in our house because it portrayed ghosts as intelligent and sympathetic beings rather than evil, animalistic beasts. I didn’t even get to see The Muppet's Christmas Carol until last year with Tim! It was surprisingly good, and I hate Christmas because everyone always argued and it sucked. But we're getting off topic. I—"

"No, no, please go back to that, because what the fu—"

"Boys, please." Bruce interrupts, looking to the world as if he wants to hang his head in his hands. "Danny, you were about to say something?"

"Oh, yeah, Mr. Wayne! Thanks!"

"Please, call me Bruce."

"Well, that very succinctly brings me to my point, because I'd actually really like to call you dad."

Nobody says a word. Nobody even blinks, all as shocked as the other, watching open-mouthed as Danny pulls his laptop out from beside his chair. Bruce can definitely feel a headache coming on.

"Before you say anything, I've prepared a 69 slide PowerPoint presentation on why you, Bruce Wayne, should adopt me, Danny Last-Name-Pending. Please save your questions, comments, and verdict until the end, thank you."

[voiider]

I need codependent Danny/Jason as a little treat (for me) and I love the idea of them having some sort of instant connection the moment they meet (bc ghost stuff idk)

Danny who's been dropped in Gotham with no way home (alt universe??) and he's been here for 36 hours and having a Very bad time senses a liminal being and immediately latches onto them heedless of the fact that his new best friend is shooting at some seedy guys in an alley and goes off about how stressed he is and how he can't make it back to the ghost zone and what a bad day he's been having (and it's important to note Danny is a littol ghost boy literally hanging off of Jason's neck as he floats aimlessly) and Jason is like "who are you??" And Danny is like "oh sorry I'm Danny lol" and then just continues lamenting his woes

And honestly ? This might as well happen. Nothing about this Danny guy(is he human?) gives Jason a bad vibe and tbh he's never felt more calm and level headed before so he just keeps up his usual Red Hood patrol and doesn't even think about it when he heads back to a safehouse and feeds Danny dinner (breakfast) before crashing for half the day

The only thing I actually need is Jason meeting up with the bats for some sort of Intel meeting and they're like "uhhh who's that" and Jason is like "that's Danny." And does not elaborate (very ".... What do you have there?" "A smoothie" vibes)

And it takes them a while to realize that these two have known each other for less than 12 hours and are literally attached at the hip

[welcometogrouchland]

Hi hello I'm not dead I just didn't post art for nearly 3 weeks bc I took an anxious break from this app and then immediately got sick afterwards <3 so here's the backlog

[confessedlyfannish]

Writing Prompt #14

"You foolish, stupid child," Vlad hisses, pinning Danny to the wall. Danny's eyes turn green as he wraps both his fists around the one Vlad has clenched in his collar, his feet dangling in the air. Vlad leans in, his own eyes burning red.

"When, exactly, did you plan on telling me your biological father was Bruce Wayne?" he says furiously.

Danny's hands drop in surprise. "W-What?" he gasps.

Vlad drops him unceremoniously and he lands on the floor in a heap. Vlad claws at the air in frustration.

"Don't lie to me, boy." Vlad says, omitting his often used possessive "my" in front of "boy".

"How do you know that?" Danny asks warily, propping himself up. He watches Vlad push a shaking hand through his hair. The man looks down at him before dropping in an ungainly squat beside him.

"Of all the sperm donors, Bruce Wayne, Daniel? Really?" The man asks, despairingly.

"I didn't exactly choose him, Vlad."

"No, I suppose you didn't."

"Seriously," Danny says, watching the man rock back on his heels as a growing pit forms in his stomach. "How did you know about him?"

Vlad's mouth twists bitterly. "Because he now knows about you."

"What do you—"

"Vladdy! Danno! What are the two of you doing on the floor?" Jack flops down beside them, a tray of freshly prepared fudge in his hands. "We having a heart-to-heart boys? Let me in on this!"

"Jack," Vlad says. "If you truly want to have a heart-to-heart with your son, I suggest you tell him the real reason I've come over today."

Jack's face falls.

"Vlad," Maddie says from behind him. "Thank you for coming. We're grateful for all you've done, but I think we can handle it from here."

"Madeline," Vlad says, rushing to his feet. "I must insist—"

"And I must insist you see yourself out," Maddie smiles tightly. "You know where the door is, don't you?"

"Mads," Jack says gently, looking between the two.

"I can show him out," Danny says, getting up as well.

"That's alright, Danny," Maddie says. "Why don't you go get your sister? We need to have a talk...as a family."

Danny glances at Vlad.

"Now, Danny," Maddie says. Danny heads for the stairs, pit growing ever larger.

--

The next time they meet it is Danny who has Vlad pinned, the gaudy chandelier above him shaking with the force of his rage.

"You should've told me," Danny growls.

"I thought your parents had you informed," Vlad says, utterly unbothered by the teen cracking what is thankfully not a load-bearing wall of his mansion. "Honestly Daniel, we could throw around allegations of deception on both sides, particularly mine as I assume you've known for quite some time now, if not the entire time, about your father hmm?"

Danny's eyes flick away in an obvious tell.

"Yes, I thought as much. But rather than whinging about being blindsided, I suggest we focus our energy on the solution."

Danny drops Vlad, barely biting back a snarl when the man lands gracefully on both feet.

"Which is?" Danny asks.

"First of all, your well-meaning but frankly moronic parents seem to believe that they can make a case for your custody without the assistance of my legal team. It is in both of our best interests to dissuade them of this."

"They don't like feeling indebted, Mom in particular."

"Well, to be crude for a moment Daniel, tough shit. Yes," Vlad says in response to Danny's widening eyes, "I said it. Bruce Wayne has the best of the best on his payroll and your parent's rinky-dink attorney from the local practice won't stand a chance against Friedman & Sons. Especially once he establishes paternity."

"He can do that?" Danny asks. "I mean I'm almost eighteen, can't I just refuse?"

"The keyword here, Daniel, is almost. As in, you are not. The judge can take your wishes into consideration, but I suspect Wayne will make a case for an unsafe living environment alongside his paternity to win his petition for full custody."

"Un-unsafe living environment?" Danny sputters. Vlad eyes the boy dryly before gesturing to all of him, currently clad in silver and black hazmat. Danny drops the transformation with a wince.

"In fact, I suspect that's the main reason the man filed in the first place," Vlad continues. "Lord knows he doesn't need anymore heirs to fight over his fortune once he passes—"

"Jesus, Vlad,"

"—so I believe he did some digging and found your home to be, well, wanting. On paper, Daniel, your parents sound eccentric at best, dangerous at worst. Pull the right strings, and hospital records just fall into laps. He probably thinks he's rescuing you." Vlad sneers. "If only he knew how quick you are to spit in the face of one offering you a comfortable and wealthy home."

"Fuck off," Danny says. "Is that what this is about? If you can't have me, no one can?"

Vlad rolls his eyes. "Come now, Daniel. Are you really intending to keep up this pretense?"

"What are you talking about?"

"We agreed a long time ago that no matter the nature of our quarrel, we would leave the Justice League out of it," Vlad says, taking a menacing step forward. "You think I, running in the circles I do, would have no knowledge of Bruce Wayne's alter-ego?" He takes another step, voice rising. "I have avoided drawing The Batman's attention for years, no matter how often our paths crossed. I stayed under his radar for decades, and now, BECAUSE OF YOU, I AM ABOUT TO BE RUINED."

With a creak and a groan, the chandelier drops, landing between them with a crash. Danny coughs from the dust as Vlad takes a heaving, calming breath.

"Then why get involved at all?" Danny asks, staring at the ground.

Vlad sighs, clapping his hands twice. Several ghosts dressed in service uniforms fly out the woodwork, gathering up bits of chandelier as others begin to mop.

"Because, little badger," Vlad says, walking away from the mess. "If we lose this, he'll have you in the palm of his hands. Which is infinitely worse."

Entering the kitchen, he pulls an open bottle of white out of the kitchen fridge and pours himself a glass, throwing a Fiji water to Danny who takes it for the peace offering it is.

"He won't."

"Won't what, Daniel? Please speak in full sentences."

"Won't have me," Danny says, letting a thin coat of frost spread over the bottle. He tips the freezing cold water into his mouth and wipes his face with his sleeve, mostly to see Vlad grimace.

"Why, because you'll run away if he wins? Until you turn eighteen? I won't have you fail to complete your education because of a cockamamie scheme, Daniel—"

"Because I have a solution, Vlad, one that doesn't involve the courts or running away."

"And what is that, exactly, Daniel?"

--

"You're going to leave my family alone."

"Danny," Mr. Wayne says, blinking in surprise at the boy on his doorstep and miles away from Illinois.

"I mean it," Danny says firmly. "You're going to drop your petition and whatever smear campaign you were planning on and leave the Fentons alone."

"Danny...why don't you come inside?"

Danny takes a step back from the manor's large doors. "You want a relationship with me? Brute force isn't the answer."

Bruce takes in the teenager, lanky but almost to his eye level. His eyes are clear and sharp, his demeanor forcibly calm.

"I debated whether going through the court was the right thing to do," Bruce says slowly, matching calm with calm. "But I wanted to be above board."

"Because my adoption wasn't?" Danny says, arms crossed. "Yeah, I'm aware. Kinda hard to adopt a kid that doesn't legally exist. And I know what you're going to say, the Fentons should've reported me to the system, but they didn't do it because I begged them not to. Because I didn't want my biological parents to find me."

"Danny..."

"You can swing your dick around and get your way, exactly the way I thought you would do things," Danny says, "Or you can have a relationship with me on my terms. A relationship where I don't despise you because you took me away from the people who've loved me no matter their faults."

"You're asking me to choose your happiness over your safety." Bruce says carefully.

"That's bullshit," Danny says. "I had a lab accident when I was fourteen and went directly against my parents' instructions. They trusted me, and I made a mistake."

"It's not a matter of trust. You were a child, Danny, and you almost died." Bruce says, not bothering to feign ignorance. Footsteps echo behind him.

"Bruce?" A voice calls. "Is that..?"

"Your son did die," Danny says. "He took a flight with your credit card to Ethiopia and got blown up. I bet you trusted him too."

Bruce reels back as a hand lands on his shoulder, the other on the door.

"Whoa, whoa, uh, Danny, right? I'm Tim, I'm—"

"I know who you are," Danny says, clenching his fists. Powering through the hurt he is causing. "I didn't come here to point out what a total hypocrite you are. I just want you to back off. And if you give me your number, we can text and I'll come to Gotham for Thanksgiving or the ski chalet in Vermont or your villa in where-the-fuck-ever and you can be Uncle Bruce that I maybe even tolerate being around once in a while. Just leave my family alone."

"Bruce, what is he talking about?" Tim asks. "Back off of what?"

"Your Dad is suing my parents for full custody," Danny says when it becomes clear Bruce isn't answering.

"What?" Tim hisses, turning to Bruce. "That isn't what we talked about!"

"Danny. I..."

"Here," Danny says, thrusting an index card forward that he's scrawled his phone number and email onto. On the other side is the past participle conjugation for 'venir'. "I won't answer until you drop the custody petition. Which I expect you to do by tomorrow morning."

"Done," Tim says, stepping past Bruce and taking the card. "Give me about noon to get it all squared away with the lawyers. Do you have a hotel? A way home? I'd be happy to reimburse your flight and accommodation."

"Overstepping already."

"Fair enough," Tim says coolly, raising his hands. "Our lawyers will reach out when it's settled."

"Great. Bye." Danny says, turning to leave. He waits until he hears the manor door close behind him before pulling out his cell phone.

Ring!

Ring!

"Hello?"

"It's done."

"What's done? Again, little badger, full sentences, I beg of you."

[magicpiano]

Danny hides from the GIW in Wayne Manor because it is, objectively, a great hiding place. Huge house but few people living there, no one notices if food goes missing, plenty of entertainment options, ect. Plus the government would never think to look for him there. As long as he is quiet and invisible no one would even notice him!

The only issue is, well, Bruce Wayne's son died just a little while ago. Danny doesn't know this because the two permanent inhabitants mostly refuse to talk about it, and when they do talk he goes somewhere else because eavesdropping is rude and he has some manners. Also, he missed most big recent news events because he was in a GIW cell for a while.

Anyway Bruce, Alfred, Dick and Tim come to the logical conclusion that Jason is a ghost haunting their home.

[stillwaterinc]

i have nowhere to put my batman thoughts so they’re going here

jason comes back as the red hood, planning to take out his little replacement or at least hurt him bad enough that he drops the suit and lets robin die but suddenly, a month before his plan is to start, robin disappears. and so does the joker.

what? jason looks, he scours security cameras and internet forums, even weasels his was into the gcpd’s files and…

nothing. there’s nothing.

no bodies reported, joker’s not in arkham or black gate or any other prison, he hasn’t finally been given the death penalty he just. disappeared.

he can’t find anything on robin either, or tim drake, for months until he stumbles upon a nearly perfect patient file in some hospital records.

nearly. it’d be perfect to anyone else but jason, even years later, can recognize bruce and barbara’s finger prints all over it. it’s a cover. a cover for what though? he reads through the file, tim drake’s file, presumably and finds… well.

someone clearly tortured the kid, and with the meds he was being prescribed it got to him. it would’ve gotten to anyone.

jason shudders reading the initial injury report. electric burns, lots of them, are what catches his eye the most but there’s all kinds of stuff. what catches his eye the most though is the lacerations that had to be stitched either side of the kid’s mouth. shit.

he doesn’t get the full picture, not yet, but pieces are starting to come together. the joker has been missing for a while, just a little longer than jason’s replacement has been in the hospital for some violent injuries.

the joker is missing.

tim drake is in the hospital.

something happened, clearly. the joker did something to tim, something awful, something bad enough that the joker disappeared and the kid’s been in the hospital for weeks.

bruce didn’t make it in time, only this time robin wasn’t dead, he’d been broken.

someone had gotten to robin, to tim drake, before jason could, had gotten to him so badly that even after he was released he wasn’t robin anymore.

not because he didn’t want to be, a few bugs here and there in the manor let him know that much, but because bruce wouldn’t let him.

it comes out, in one of these arguments, that time killed the joker. shot him dead. and jason almost wants to congratulate the kid for it, or wants to strangle bruce and ask him how the hell he let robin, who’s just a kid, tim, who’s just a fucking kid, get anywhere near a position where he had the means and desire to fatally shoot the joker.

because that’s it, isn’t it? the reason jason’s like this, doing this, is because of the joker. jason knows how to use guns because of the joker. he’ll never go to college like a normal kid because of the joker. and now tim.

tim wants to be robin, asks for it, begs bruce to let him back out in the suit and jason nearly finds himself agreeing with bruce. the joker’s gone sure but what if someone else tries the same thing? what if someone tries worse? being in the suit’s already gotten tim this much pain, why risk more?

it hits jason, one night, that he stopped being angry at tim a while ago. a long while. he can’t be angry at bruce either, because the joker is dead. there’s no one to enact vengeance for his death on anymore.

anyways most of my posts are about incest please don’t follow me for batman content

[damian-lil-babybat]

"Eventually, I will no longer drown from the overflowing of an empty cup"

Pre-Morrison Talia would be the kind of love poets would write for.

Talia al Ghul, with all her history, faults, and flaws, have no means to have had so much love for the people she cherish. But she does...she does.

"We are immortals, Habibi. When others say they love forever, they lie. But we don't have the same luxury. For people like us, forever means eternity, beyond death and even after. It is a curse, my heart. Our curse. For such promise meant to taint such noble feelings— And yet, I will never apologize for loving you."

"Boy Wonder" (2024) #4 by Juni Ba.

[gothamite-rambler]

Lady Shiva may not be a traditional, perfect, or sane mother, but I like to imagine that she and her daughter don't have a fundamentally antagonistic relationship. Rather, they simply have some differences in opinions and values that lead to disagreements. These might include mundane issues like favorite pizza toppings, movies, or killing people, you know normal topics.

Lady Shiva rested on the ground, catching her breath after another fierce fight with her daughter. Cass won, but wasn't going to kill the woman as she stated numerous times, although she had grown tired of these usual fights to the death.

Lady Shiva (smirking, wiping blood from her nose): You haven't killed me yet, Cassie. I'm both impressed and perplexed.

Cass (standing triumphantly, fists on her hips): I have told you numerous times I will not take another life. Goodness, you're starting to act like David.

Lady Shiva (sitting up with a pained expression, gently touching her bloody nose): Okay, let's not go that far.

Cass rolled her eyes, a mix of irritation and amusement across her face.

Cass: I didn't even come to fight you. I wanted you to meet somebody. You'll like them.

Lady Shiva (raising an eyebrow, intrigued): A person for me to meet? Hm, you got the upper hand, so I'll allow it.

Cass nodded, indifferent to her mother's opinion, and left the room to fetch the person, returning with Jason Todd in his Red Hood suit.

Cass (gesturing): Lady Shiva, this is my—

Lady Shiva (excitedly interrupting, eyes sparkling): You have a boyfriend!

Both Cass and Jason were taken aback by the question. They exchanged bemused glances before Jason took a few steps forward, stifling a laugh.

Cass (flustered, pointing at Jason): Um, he's not my—

Lady Shiva jumped to her feet and clapped eagerly.

Jason (amused): Aww you both clap, didn't know that was hereditary.

Cass (blushing): Jason, quiet. Shiva, I've never seen you react like this.

Lady Shiva (giddy): I can't help it, I usually can keep myself calm, but I finally meet a partner of hers. You know, I thought you and that Stephanie girl were going to get together, and I support it. She's better than the other seedy options. But Red Hood… I'll allow it. I've heard so much about him. Do I see grandbabies?

Jason was about to tell a lie, but Cass held up her hand while covering his eyes.

Cass (growing increasingly flustered): No! Wait, you'd give a pass for Stephanie? I'll… go back to that later, but he's not my boyfriend! He is my brother!

Lady Shiva (shocked): I never had a son… did that bastard cheat on me?!

Cass (exasperated, throwing her hands up): How does that make any sense? You aren't together and you said you'd screw Batman over David.

Lady Shiva (curious): Is he single yet?

Jason (chuckling under his breath, trying to keep it quiet): This is gold.

Cass glared at him for a moment, then turned her annoyance back to her mother.

Cass (firmly, arms crossed): Remember when Batman, who is in a committed relationship, adopted me because David is a monster? He has sons and Jason is one of them! Jason is my brother now. We're close and I wanted you to meet him because… Well you two share some ideals.

Jason (quickly correcting): One ideal. Only one! I would never kill Cass though, I tolerate her the most.

Cass glanced at Jason then giggled, shaking her head.

Lady Shiva (nodding, recalling): Batman? The one who brought me that skinny white boy and assumed I was his mother? He gave me the truth serum, and I had to set it straight that string bean wasn't related to me—

Jason (insulted, taking a step forward): I was a teenager at the time, harlot!

Cass stepped in front of Jason, pushing him back with a scolding glare, while Lady Shiva studied the taller man, tilting her head with a quizzical eyebrow raise.

Lady Shiva (smirking, eyes narrowing playfully): Oh, you're the kid? I heard about you, good for you. Someone actually ate their vegetables? I do remember that whiny voice though.

Jason (defensive): Hey!

Cass (interjecting, authoritative): Shiva! Stop being rude. Jason is my baby brother now, and you will be nice to him especially since I won this dumb battle.

Lady Shiva rolled her eyes, but a curt smile crept onto her lips as she extended her hand.

Lady Shiva: Nice to meet you again, Jackson.

Jason (correcting her, slightly exasperated): Jason. My name is Jason!

Lady Shiva (unconcerned): They're both J names.

Jason (crossing his arms, sarcastic): So this is what Rose goes through. I get it now. Yeah Cass I don't care for your womb carrier.

Cass (shrugging, understanding): Excuse her; being a bitch is her usual setting.

Lady Shiva (playfully defensive): Hey! I'm trying to be less of a jaded and cruel woman. You see, I met up with this woman, Talia, and she set me straight. She said she went insane, killed her son because her sister—now that Nyssa is a total bitch—warped her mind to do so. Then her dad—

Jason (interrupting, incredulously): Oh my God, she got parenting advice from Talia?

Cass (bemused): Yeah, I'm not loving where this is going.

Lady Shiva (waving her hand dismissively): Shush, let me finish. She said her father put her in the pit that brought her back to life and restored her mind. Great dad, by the way. She said she met her 'maker' and that it changed her. I doubted it… then I got shot and was dead-dead. Went in the pit, and ta-da!

Lady Shiva held out her hands, as if debuting herself as a new woman, and even did a little spin, her evil grin unwavering. Cass looked at Jason, who merely shrugged laughing.

Cass (hopeful): Right, so you stopped killing people for money and enjoyment?

Lady Shiva placed her hands on her hips, scoffing at the question.

Lady Shiva: I'm going to be better than the sperm donor that helped conceive you, but the fighting and killing, that's who I am.

Cass (resigned): Yeah… To be expected. I surround myself with the people who conflict with my morals, but so does the rest of my family.

Jason (taking that as a compliment): Aww, thanks Cass… That was a good thing right?

Cass nodded.

Lady Shiva (sincere): I'm happy for you sticking to your morals, Cassandra. Well since you and your "brother" did visit and you won our match, would you like a snack? I have these sugary cakes that are big in America. Little Debra is the name.

Cass was about to decline, but Jason walked past her eager to eat the desserts.

Jason: Hold on, sis, I love Little Debbie cakes! We can spend a few minutes here.

Cass sighed, placing a hand on her forehead and a small smile on her face. She shrugged, accepting this aspect of her life.

[fckbatmanhiskidsareminenow]

What’s for Breakfast?

(yes it’s the parsnip fic)

(tw mentioned nightmares and mildly dissociation)

disclaimer: this will probably be ooc, i’m still extremely new to the fandom so be nice please

description: jason decides to cook and is interrupted by the rest of the bat siblings.

word count: 1556

All he came here to do was drop off some intel for Bruce but now? Now Jason is standing in the middle of the Wayne manor kitchen, with his hands on his hips, wondering what he should cook. He’s hungry, alright, sue him.

It’s Sunday and Sunday is the day Alfred restocks the kitchen so the chances of Jason actually finding something other than premade pancake mix was not great.

The first ingredient item he finds is a few parsnips. He passes one between his hands trying to think of what he can make with them. After a few seconds he comes up with something, tossing the parsnips onto the counter and he collects some onions, a leek, flour, eggs and vegetable oil. He gets the grater out and it’s decided. He’s gonna make parsnip and onion fritters.

Jason starts with slicing the onion. Just get that shit over and done with. The familiar burn of the onion begins in his eyes and he is immediately reminded of the last time he cooked in here. He was 15, it was a few weeks before his death. He and Alfred were making home made burgers, requested by Jason himself, and they made caramelised onions to go with it.

He’s pulled out of the memory by the wet feeling of tears dripping down onto his hand. He glares down at the vegetable as if it had personally wronged him. And you know what? It did. He’s crying all because of a fucking onion.

He continues slicing only slightly more aggressively when he hears a soft patter of feet.

“Todd?” At the sound of his name he looks up and is met with a sleepy Damian staring back. The kid’s got on a set of cat pyjamas, that Jason can admit is kinda cute, and is wiping away what looks to be tears. Must have had a nightmare or something.

“Cooking.” Jason replied gruffly. Damian approaches the island he’s cooking on and stands on his toes to try and see what Jason is cooking. Once again he can admit the kid looked kinda cute with only just his head and little hands poking over the bench.

“Cooking what?” He asks softly and with genuine childlike curiosity, which is rare for Damian. Jason breathes out a sigh and walks over to the small table on the far side of the kitchen and pulls a chair up against the bench.

“Parsnip and onion fritters. Wash your hands and come grate the parsnips for me.” He usually would tell him to fuck off but the kid looks like he could use a distraction and he does love a mission.

Damian washes his hands, climbs up the chair and starts grating.

They slice and grate mostly in quiet, only breaking the silence to quietly giggle at each other's onion induced tears.

“Cooking?” The sound of a voice startles them both so badly Damian almost throws a parsnip and Jason damn near cuts his finger off. When they look up at the source, Cass is standing there with an eyebrow raised.

“Christ, Cassandra, you could have killed us.” Damian says as he lowers the parsnip. Jason huffs out a laugh.

“Again.” He mutters and doesn’t miss the nasty look Damian throws him. Cass only smirks and shrugs. She looks dishevelled but Jason chooses to ignore it. She wanders over to the island, inspects what they’re doing before sitting on one of the stools and pulling her phone out of her pocket. Jason and Damian share a look before continuing what they were doing.

They finally get through all the slicing and grating when Steph and Tim stumble in looking like they had not slept all week. Jason stops what he’s doing just to look at them judgingly.

“Where the fuck have you two been?” he asks like he doesn’t want to know. Steph groans and collapses into the stool next to Cass.

“We were out all night for a stake out that turned up nothing.” Jason makes a confused face at that and looks to Tim who is all but dragging himself to the coffee machine.

“I don’t even want to talk about it.” He says holding a hand up to block out Jason’s judgmental look. Stake outs like that happen, not often but they happen. But for Tim? It’s even less often, he gathers all the intel he can before going out. Make sense for his mood to be shit.

Jason can practically sense Damian is about to say something so he scoops him up by the armpits and places him onto the ground.

“Your jobs done now.” He tells him before the kid can protest. He only receives a slightly grumpy nod before Damian drags the chair back to its regular spot and sits down. Tim looks away from the coffee machine.

“Are you making breakfast?” He asks half judgy half genuine. Jason almost responds with some snarky sarcasm but just looking at Tim tells him the poor guy's exhausted brain would probably melt if he did.

“Yeah I am. Parsnip and onion fritters.”

Steph lifts her head from where it was laying against the kitchen island.

“What the fuck is a parsnip?” Jason chuckles and holds up one of the unused parsnips.

“It's like a white carrot thing. They taste good, trust me.” Steph eyes it suspiciously before shrugging and laying her head back down.

Duke runs in while Jason is mixing in the flour and eggs. He stops and looks at everyone surprised. To Duke’s credit it is rare for all of them to be in the same room for a non vigilante related reason. He looks at Jason and into the bowl.

“Hey, that looks great! I’m heading out to patrol but save me some for when I get back?” He says as he grabs an apple and speeds out of the kitchen without waiting for an answer. Jason files the information to save some away in his head before he continues mixing. He makes sure everything is evenly coated before heating up a pan and drizzling some vegetable oil onto it. He places as many scoops as he can evenly spread on the pan and waits until he can flip them.

The sizzly of the fritters and the oil almost covers up the sound of a new pair of feet entering the kitchen.

“Whatchya making, Jaybird?” This time he doesn’t jump at the sound of Dick’s voice coming from directly over his shoulder. Just by looking at Dick’s eyes tells Jason the eldest is floating in between a dissociation episode. He’s not really all there.

Jesus Christ, was he the only one who had a good night? Well, he doesn’t really know how Duke’s night went but with the way he was rushing to get on patrol, if Jason had to guess it would be probably not good.

“Parsnip and Onion fritters.” He replies while scanning the kitchen for what task he can give Dick to help him out.

“Hey, could you do the dishes for me? I wouldn’t want Alfred to wake up and find the kitchen a mess.” He asks softly. Jason doesn’t mention that Alfred is already up and upon seeing all of them in the kitchen, about ten minutes ago, gave Jason a soft smile and left to do whatever Alfred does when he’s not butlering.

Dick turns to where Jason points to the dishes and nods.

“Oh yeah, of course.” He says spacely. Jason fights the urge to fist pump. If he’s learnt anything it's if you wanna get Dick Grayson to help himself, you gotta guilt trip him a little bit. He does take the knife before Dick can add it to his washing pile. Yeah he’s got some less than moral helping tactics but he’s not gonna let the guy hurt himself.

Damian gets up to help Dick with the dishes and they make quiet conversation. With Damian occasionally yelling when Dick splashes him or tries to place bubbles on his head.

Jason hands the empty bowl to Dick before placing the last of the fritters onto one big plate. He quickly whips up a greek yogurt and herb dip sauce. He grabs out enough plates for everyone and places two on a plate for Duke before wrapping it with foil and placing them in the fridge. He then hands the remaining stack of plates to Dick.

“Alright losers follow if you want breakfast.” He calls out before heading into the proper dining room. Dick sets the table before taking one for himself.

Jason will never tell anyone but he did feel nervous waiting for everyone’s reaction.

“Wait, why is this good?”

“I can’t tell if these are good or if I’m just really fucking hungry.”

“These are really good Jaybird.”

He tried to hide the way the tension fell from his shoulders before digging into his own food. The atmosphere was good and it made Jason kinda miss moments like this. This sense of family and belonging. Just a family having breakfast together.

“Is there any left for me?” Bruce asks as he walks in. Jason looks up at him. He’s met with a proud look he hasn’t seen in what feels like a lifetime. He hides his face and gestures to an empty chair.

“Take a seat, old man.”

I hope the fic is a good as you guys imagined 🥰

here’s a special thanks to @kaycynyrs for sending in the ask that inspired me to look at this fic again and @yourlocal-edgelord for encouraging me to rewrite it and to @heavenssolitude for being there and supporting me 🥰

(i’ll totally untag you guys if you didn’t wanna be tagged. just wanted to say thanks)

[puppetmaster13u]

Prompt 86

Let it be said that someone breaking into Arkham Asylum was not something anyone was expecting. And let it be said that if one was to ever try it, they all- guards, residents, and doctors alike- would think they would be breaking in to break someone out. 

They are not in fact, expecting a child to be running through the halls giggling with everyone failing in catching him. Someone catch the child before he gets hurt or somehow makes it to the isolation ward! The joker is in there!

Danny is honestly having fun. Ms. Arkham- Gotham’s own Gatekeeper and daughter- is really fun! Sure he’d rather she not view the people within her walls as dolls and playthings, but he supposes she’s not exactly harming anyone. And honestly she could hold on tighter to a few of them to prevent them from escaping in his opinion. 

But he’s here to spend time with his new ghostly Aunt, not judge her, so he’s going to get the whole tour! Secret tunnels you say? Oh, a graveyard, inside your walls? That’s amazing! Isolation ward? Ah, where the naughty dolls go, makes sense! 

Well of course he wants to see it, lead the way! 

[kindaasrikal]

Something something Lloyd affectionately biting people cause Oni are known cannibalists and he can’t help it so it became a sign of affection until after the whole crystallised situation happened he has a panic attack and freaks out and bites a bloody chunk out of Wu’s hand. And in the complete silence of a frozen group of ninjas with a horrified Lloyd held by an equally horrified Cole, Wu pulls a batman and goes “Hm.” The skin between his pointer and thumb laying on the ground.

Turns out, Wu has an identical bite scar his opposite hand from Garmadon.

He also has one on his forearm from a wild Misako. Don’t ask why, she’ll say self defence, but he says it’s from a wild animal attack.

Edit: it runs in the family (Wu used to bite the Fsm and once accidentally bit Morro, who was so baffled he just bit back???)

[jerseygirljasontodd]

Talia is honestly deeply hilarious at times. I'm obsessed with Maya going "Wow, you suck lady! No wonder Damian has issues!" and Talia's immediate response being "How DARE you say my son has issues! He's my perfect angel!"