#we just wanna sell you pot

[intosnarkness]

What part of anxiety disorder life is “panic attack at the dispensary” asking for a me

[ariestrxsh]

dealer!chris x dealer!reader

💸 content warning: smut/angst (in later chapters; this one's mostly just suggestive), mentions of masturbation, mentions of hard drugs and guns, enemies to lovers, slow burn

💸 summary: you and chris set aside your differences to join forces and close on a sweet deal with a local supplier.

there will be several parts to this story, and they will contain sex, drugs, violence, use of weapons, and a lot of things that could be triggering if you've ever been apart of the drug world or loved someone with an addiction. i don't mean to glorify drug use, selling, or anything like that, but i wanted this story to be realistic, so it does appear like a somewhat "glamorous" lifestyle to chris and the reader in the first few parts. i want to make it very clear that when you get involved in the drug world in real life, you usually end up in one of two places: the ground or prison.

WHEN SPARKS FLY

chapters: | intro | 1 | 2 |

You and Chris rode in your silver Honda Accord through the rainy streets, following all the laws, using your turn signals, and driving the speed limit. Not because you were law-abiding citizens but because you had about twelve bricks of the city's finest coke stashed in a suitcase in your trunk.

"So, what now? We go bag this shit?" Chris asked, fidgeting with one of his rings. "I mean, I'm not doing anything tonight. Are you?" You asked, your eyes darting over at the boy slouched down in his seat beside you. He shook his head and shrugged.

"Let's go back to my place. I'll make coffee, and we can stay up tonight bagging. Tomorrow we start selling," you suggested, glancing into your rearview and fixing your gaze back on the car in front of you.

"You know, you're a pretty established dealer. Pretty high up there. What do you go on your own runs for, ma? I'm sure you could pay someone to do it," Chris wondered, hoping he could be a candidate for the job.

"I don't need help, Chris," you shook your head. "I didn't say you need it. I'm just wondering why you don't," he clarified.

"I like to do shit myself, Chris. It keeps me busy, it makes me more money, and if I'm the one doing it, I know it's getting done efficiently. Why would I pay someone to dip into my stash and give product away to their friends behind my back?" You shrugged.

"Damn, ma. You got trust issues," Chris shook his head. "Don't you?" You inquired, peering over at Chris. "Nah, I don't think so," Chris replied, staring out his window at the falling rain.

"You're telling me you've been in this business for how long, and you've never been fucked over?" You narrowed your eyes at him. "Nah, I haven't," Chris mumbled. "Then someone's fucking you over, and you don't know about it," you dryly responded.

"Damn, ma. That's not a very bright outlook, but if that's how you wanna be," Chris shook his head. "I'm just being realistic," you shrugged. "Who hurt you?" Chris asked, sounding somewhat genuine with his question.

"Wouldn't you like to know? I'm not playing this twenty questions shit. We're not having a heart-to-heart right now, alright? We're just doing business," you rolled your eyes, putting up your defenses.

"That's fine, ma. I don't mind when they're tough to crack," Chris joked with a playfulness in his tone, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

The two of you drove silently through the slick streets back to your place where you unloaded the heavy suitcase. You started a pot of coffee, the smell of the medium-roast brew drifting through the air as you started to take off your blazer, kick off your heels, and unstrap your gun.

"I'll be right back. I'm going to go change," you declared, making your way to the bottom of the staircase. You reached around to try to unzip your dress, but it didn't budge. "Shit," you whispered, fidgeting with the stuck zipper.

"Need help?" Chris asked you, starting to walk towards you. "No, I got it," you told him, but you didn't have it, and you were still struggling. "C'mon, ma. You don't have to do everything yourself all the time," Chris chuckled, coming up behind you.

You felt silly. Earlier, you were bragging about how you didn't need anyone, and now you were being humbled by a piece of metal that was stuck on a thread from your dress.

Chris fiddled with it for a few minutes. "Got it," Chris said as you heard the slow ziiip as it came undone.

He tried to remain professional about it, but he found himself nearly holding his breath as his eyes traveled to the curve of your back and how pretty your skin looked in the soft, dim lighting.

Suddenly, his phone started to vibrate, pulling him out of the trance you unknowingly held him in. He let go of your zipper, and his hand flew to his phone that was in his pocket.

"Who's that?" You asked, peeking at him from over your shoulder. A pang of guilt about how he'd been looking at you all night surged through him as he peered down at his screen. "My girlfriend," Chris replied, glancing back up at you.

You pulled your gaze away from his. A very small part of you felt a little jealous and hurt because you'd thought Chris had been flirting with you all night.

"Don't tell her too many details about our deal tonight. The fewer people that know the names, locations, and prices, the better," you told him, and he nodded at you.

"Hey, baby. I'm gonna be stuck at work pretty late tonight. No, don't wait up for me," he told her as you started ascending the stairs. "I know, I know," you heard his voice take on a more sultry tone.

"I know. I bet you miss my cock so much right now, don't you, baby?" Chris cooed into the phone, his voice sounding further and further away as you got closer to your room. You scoffed and rolled your eyes at his vulgarity.

You shut your door behind you, slipping your straps off your shoulders and letting the fabric drop to the floor. You unhooked your bra and let out a sigh of relief as it fell, joining your dress that laid at your feet. You tossed them into the hamper and slipped into sweatpants and a sweater.

Your eyes danced across Chris' jeans, his shirt, and his hoodie that were thrown into a pile next to your bed. You couldn't help but kind of like the idea of Chris' clothes littering your bedroom floor, but you tried to push that thought out of your mind upon learning that he was dating someone and upon remembering that you totally hated him.

You threw your hair up in a bun and started back out your door to let Chris know he could use your room to change now. You stood at the top of the stairs as Chris' voice came back into earshot.

"I know, baby. Pretend your fingers are mine, alright? C'mon. Be a good girl and cum all over them for me," you heard Chris say into the phone in your living room. Your jaw fell open, your breath caught in your throat, and your hand flew up to cover your mouth.

You felt your body temperature rise as you slowly descended the steps, listening while he talked her through it. You knew Chris self-reportedly knew how to talk to people, but you didn't know it extended to the bedroom, too.

You felt a slickness between your thighs as Chris' seductive voice danced through the air. You tiptoed down your stairs, peeking over the banister at Chris, who was sitting on your couch, legs splayed out, gently caressing the bulge in his pants while he spoke to his girlfriend.

Your eyes widened, and you pulled back before Chris could see you. You took a deep breath and cleared your throat before descending the stairs the rest of the way. Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw Chris jump a bit.

"Sorry, baby. I gotta go. Gotta get back to work. I'll come over once I'm done. I love you," he told her before hastily hanging up. Chris leaned forward on your couch, placing both his elbows on his knees, and interlocking his fingers to hide how hard he was.

It wasn't very often that men made you lose your composure, but as your gaze met Chris', you hoped he wouldn't notice your flushed expression.

"You can go change out of that corny ass suit if you want. Room's all yours," you casually told him. "Thanks, ma," he said, getting up quickly and darting up your stairs, hoping you didn't overhear his phone conversation.

Chris stepped into your room, shedding the layers of the suit that was too big for him, and he climbed back into the clothes he started off in, making sure to tuck his erection into the waistband of his boxers. He neatly folded the suit over the back of your chair before departing from your room and heading back down the steps.

He found you in the kitchen, pouring two mugs of hot, black drip coffee, steam rising into the air as you emptied the pot. Your eyes rose up to meet his again, and you gave him a subtle smile.

"So, what's your girlfriend like?" You asked, trying to sound nonchalant about it as you handed him the dark blue ceramic mug that was filled nearly to the brim. Chris nodded, silently thanking you for the beverage as he took it from you.

"Her name is Daisy. She's a very sweet person. She's affectionate. She's understanding. She cooks and cleans," Chris told you, smiling to himself. You could tell he was really in love with her by the way he spoke about her. "She gives great head," Chris added.

"Gross!" You exclaimed, rolling your eyes and giving Chris a look of disgust. "You almost had me. You almost had me thinking you were a romantic."

"I am a romantic. I always return the favor," he cracked a smug grin in your direction as he said it. You scoffed in annoyance. "How long have you guys been together?" You wondered. You placed both your hands around your coffee mug, enjoying the heat it provided and taking a long sip.

"About six months," he responded after counting on his fingers and thinking about it for a second. "She know you sell?" You wondered, raising an eyebrow. Chris sighed and shook his head.

"Chris," you said sternly, setting your cup down on your marble counter top. "You can't keep something like that from her. That's not fair," you told him, looking him dead in the eye.

"I know. But it's either I keep it from her, or I have her worrying about me all the time," Chris replied, scanning your expression for some kind of understanding. "If you knew her, you'd know why I made the decision I did to keep it from her."

"No, Chris. She might worry about you, but she has a right to. This is a dangerous business. What if you get raided when she's over at your place? What if someone robs you? What if you get arrested and she doesn't know until she sees your mugshot?" You said, raising your voice.

Chris was silent. He hadn't considered any of those scenarios until the words left your mouth.

"This business is dangerous, Chris. Everyone around you is subject to the risk," you reminded him, running your fingers along the letters of your name engraved into the mug in front of you.

"So, that's why you don't ever get close to anyone, huh, ma?" Chris smugly suggested, reading you like a book. "You don't know me," you scoffed, narrowing your gaze and folding your arms across your chest.

"When's the last time you dated anyone?" Chris asked, raising an eyebrow. "Stop trying to psychoanalyze me, and let's bag this shit," you angrily huffed, picking up your drink and pushing past him. "You got it, ma," Chris agreed, nearly spilling his coffee as you shoulderchecked him.

You unzipped the suitcase, revealing the neatly organized bricks of white powder and perfectly stacked cash. You picked up a $10,000 bundle and handed it to Chris, but before you let go of it, you gave him a serious look.

"Chris, don't go spending this on anything. Got it? This is part of our reup money after we sell all this."

In most cases, you wouldn't have even given it to him, yet, but it was a test. It was great that Chris could talk to people and get you discounted deals, but you had to make sure he was good with his money.

"Don't worry, ma. I know what I'm doing," Chris said with a sly smirk, but you didn't take people for their word. You watched their actions.

"First things first, I'm always testing my shit," you said, pulling a test kit out of a drawer. You pulled out a switch blade and made just the tiniest slit in the plastic wrap around the brick.

"I just get out the tiniest bit, and I'm gonna mix it with this solution here, and based off what color it turns, it'll tell us exactly what we have. Whether it's pure coke, whether it's cut with something," you taught him, holding the test tube up to eye level. "It usually doesn't take too long. Ah, look at that. Bright blue. It's pure," you said, smiling.

"Miles tried to sell me bunk shit once, but I told him what's up, and now he only sells me pure shit. He knows we'd have a problem if he tried to give me anything less. I still check anyway," you mentioned, glancing over at the blue-eyed boy to your left who was mesmerized by you.

He loved the way you looked like some kind of sexy chemist or badass drug lord, and it was undeniably turning him on a bit. He watched and listened intently, soaking up all the knowledge you bestowed upon him.

"Alright, Chris. When I'm bagging, I usually do it in fairly small quantities, and then I take those bundles and put them together. So, we want all the small baggies in a pile, and we want it to add up to a kilo, so it's very important we only break open one brick at a time," you told him, reaching into a drawer and pulling out a bunch of little plastic ziploc bags.

"I don't like to count things a million times, so we're gonna make piles of ten. We're weighing out mostly eight balls, and we use the scale every time. No eyeballing shit," you stated, handing him a stack of bags.

"Yes, ma. You know, you teaching me all this, it's kind of sexy," Chris admitted, peering over at you. You rolled your eyes and stared back at him. "You shouldn't be saying that kind of shit when you have a girlfriend who's laying in bed waiting for you right now while you're out bagging up drugs she doesn't know anything about," you replied coldly, raising an eyebrow.

"Damn, ma. It's just a little playful flirting. I think intention matters, and I'm not trying to actually do anything about it," Chris shrugged, scooping an eight ball into the tiny square bag. "Intention matters, but so does perception. What if I liked it?" You asked, weighing out your bundle.

"You do," Chris smirked, looking over at you. "No, I don't," you dryly answered. "I'm just saying, you flirt like a single man. It gives off the wrong impression. Leads people on," you replied.

"What? You gonna fall for me, ma?" Chris nudged you in the leg with his. You just rolled your eyes, not even dignifying his accusation with a response.

The two of you continued to weigh out the powder, methodically organizing it the same way you always did. Despite the thrills and everyday excitement that came with being a dealer, these were the times you really looked forward to - the mundane.

This is where you felt most relaxed, sitting on your couch with a cup of coffee at the end of the day, just counting, your heart, beating at a resting rate, and your mind, temporarily free of worry.

It was almost nice to have company - even if your company was a former enemy who you weren't sure if you could trust yet. It just felt nice to have someone that could bask in the silence with you while the rest of the world slept soundly.

"Wow. Is it really that time already?" Chris asked, peering over at the analog clock on your wall that read 2 a.m. You yawned and took a sip of your coffee before rubbing your tired eyes. "Time flies when you're having fun," you dryly replied, stretching your arms above your head.

"I should probably head out. I told my girl I'd stay over at her place tonight," Chris responded, glancing down at his phone to see if he had any missed texts. "I can drive you," you offered. "No, I can't let you do that. Look at how tired you are," Chris declined, getting up from your couch.

"Trust me, Chris. It's safer if I drive you. Neighborhoods around here can be sketchy at night," you warned him, gesturing towards the bundle of cash he'd made from the deal. "Ah, you got a point, ma," Chris smirked at you, reconsidering your offer.

"You know, if you're gonna be my partner in crime, you gotta be smarter," you joked, reaching for your keys. Chris followed you out the door, stepping out into the stormy weather.

Your heavy eyelids struggled to stay open as you fixed your gaze on the freshly paved road. The soothing vibration of your tires driving over the smooth asphalt almost made it harder for you to stay awake.

The two of you rode in silence, Chris tapping away on his phone and looking up every few minutes to direct you down different side streets.

You rolled to a stop underneath a flickering streetlight when you pulled up to Daisy's house, a single light bulb lighting up her doorstep. She always left the porch light on and the door unlocked for Chris when she knew he would be coming over late after work.

"Hey," you stopped him before he stepped out of the car. "Thank you for tonight. I'm really impressed with what you did back there with the deal and everything. Plus, we bagged up the product in half the time that it would have taken me to do it myself," you told him.

"Told you I could be valuable to you, ma. Thanks for giving me a chance, and thank you for the ride," he said, cracking a smile. "Yeah, of course, and thanks for the company. It was.. nice," you shrugged, fiddling with the gear shifter.

His stare lingered on your lips for a second before flickering back up to your eyes, and you swore he was about to lean in and kiss you, but his eyes darted straight ahead, and his hand flew up to the door handle. "Night, ma," he murmured, gently easing your car door open and stepping back out into the drizzling rain that was finally letting up.

You got about half a block before you heard the vibration of your phone in your cup holder. Chris' contact information appeared on your screen. Thinking he must have left something in your car, you picked up and slowed your speed, preparing to turn around. "Chris?" You said into the speaker.

"Hey, ma. I just wanted to stay on the phone with you and keep you up until you get back home. You looked pretty tired," Chris quietly answered. "You didn't have to do that," you replied.

"I know, but I could never forgive myself if you didn't make it back safe, ma," Chris replied, still standing outside on Daisy's porch and staring up at the clouds that were passing over the moon. You couldn't help but to smile at his words. It felt nice to have someone care about you. "Plus, I wouldn't know what to do with all this coke if you croaked," he added.

There it was. Every time Chris said something somewhat endearing, he always ruined it by following it up with something perverted or vile. "Gee, thanks, Chris," you sarcastically murmured.

"What are you gonna do when you get home, ma?" Chris casually asked. "I'm probably gonna pass out the second my head hits the pillow," you said, straightening your back and rapidly blinking your eyes to refocus them. "How about you?"

"Probably smoke a joint. Maybe jerk off," he casually admitted, shrugging his shoulders and putting a hand in his pocket.

"Well, you're just an open book, aren't you?" You replied, your heart racing as you pictured him with a pleasured look on his face, pumping his fist around his cock. "I mean, you asked, and I have nothing to hide," Chris replied.

After a moment of silence, his voice came through again. "You're imagining it, aren't you?" A smirk crept into his expression. "What? Gross. I-I'm not. No," you defensively responded, his assumption catching you off guard.

"Relaaax, ma. I'm fucking with you," Chris chuckled. You rolled your eyes as you cranked the steering wheel, turning onto your street. "Well, Chris. Have fun with that. I'm about to pull into my driveway. Goodnight."

taglist: @skye-44 @faiyaz555 @idrk2292 @chrisslittleslut @bsturnzmtts @sturniolo-girl @theyluvme-2315 @jassturn @brookiecookie-18 @maggot3647 @slut4chriztopher @strnlslvr @sleepysturniolo @lvrsturniolo @sofieeeeex @imjusthereforthesturniolosmut @matts-myloverboy @witchofthehour @slutforsturniolosss @whoahoahoahoahoa @ilovechrissturniolosposts @smt-obsessed @sturnioloxlver @that1fangirll @hrtz4alex2211 @drewstarkeysdoll @sp3ncerslvt @sturniolo-munch44 @jakewebberswifee @ssturniolooss @thenickgurl @sturniolo-fann @sst7niolo @babysturniolo @chestersturniolo @riowritesitall @camzeecorner @mattsturnixlo @annedebeijer @scorpioosworld @mattlover-00 @sweetlikesug4rvenom @m11rx @sturniolocharms @mickelodeon-2003 @sigmarizzler1 @chrislova @stellarsturns @lelesturniolo @sturniolodoll

"Goodnight."

click to read chapter 3 ✨️

[hyhkai]

games i'd love to play with txt

don't ask what this is idk either.

yeonjun — five nights at Freddy's

i feel like it'd be fun seeing him scared the fuck out of himself while looking throught the cameras. i mean, did we see him in the haunted house to x do episode or just scared in general? it's hilarious imo. also he'd call grown chica hot.

Beomgyu — minecraft

loser.

do i seriously have to explain? he's a loser gamer bf. he'd play it for hours and build the cutest stuff for you just because you asked and are unable to, but he'd hide it from you for a long time bcz he's afraid of showing feelings

Soobin — overcooked (2)

there's only one way to describe this. he'd be so stressed. especially trying to teach you how to cook in a game. and I quote a situation I've seen —

"do I bring the rice to the pot or the pot to the rice?!" you said, and the game turned on the results.

one star.

he sighed setting the controller down and looking at you, like this is the end of the world and you're discussing it with extra precautions. "so you bring the rice from the box to the pot put it in the pot, once the green bar completes, then you PICK UP THE POT, to a pot that had seaweed on it and you put that there. then you put the chopped up tuna in there, ROLL IT UP, SELL IT!"

taehyun — are you smarter than a fifth grader

i love my mansplaining boyfriend taehyun ❤️

hueningkai — animal crossing/ maybe even dumb ways to die lmao

hey I just think he'd wanna play cute games okay (even though dumb ways to die is NOT a cute game)

[passivenovember]

thinking real hard about Billy and Steve finding each other years after they've settled into themselves.

Billy's gone to therapy and he lives in a little house on the shoreline. Steve makes it to California. Doesn't have the six nuggets, yet. He's working insane hours at a job that isn't very lucrative, but he never had to sell his soul to his old man--

So. Point is. They're happy. Content, almost.

And then they find each other.

--

Steve's burning a pot of water when the phone rings.

It's like a knife through the air. A thorn in his side, pain and annoyance ramping up to an 11 as he yanks the receiver from the wall. "Yeah, now's not a great time," He says, because the goddamn smoke alarm's gonna start wailing any second now, and Steve's neighbor is real trigger-happy when it comes to alerting the fire department. "Look, I'll call you--"

"--Why answer the phone?"

Steve would know Billy's voice anywhere, the rough and tumble drag of someone who used to live fast and hard but doesn't, anymore. "I," Steve says, "I don't--"

"--It's like. Why answer the phone if it's not a good time to talk?"

"I don't like being impolite."

Billy hums, smoke and lightning on the end of the line. "So, you weren't waiting for me to call?"

"No," Steve says. But he was. Has been since high school and all the weird, boring, disheartening years that followed until Billy appeared at the dive bar on Saturday. Like a vision. An angel.

"Damn. And here I was, taking a full 72 hours to figure out what I should say," Billy tells him.

Steve can hear a smile.

Aches to taste it, but-- "That's kinda lame, Hargrove."

"So what?"

"So. You're kinda lame, I guess."

Billy laughs at him, then, high and bright. It shoots confetti into Steve's kitchen, the curling tendrils nearly catching on fire as Steve comes back to himself. He pulls the pan of water and dumps it into the sink, killing the flame on the stove.

"Yeah, I'm a disaster. Maxine tells me all the time," Billy says, "It's just. How weird, y'know?"

"What? You?"

"No, you," Billy tells him, chuckling again. "Fell outta the sky, or something. Into a shitty dive bar."

"So did you--"

"--Fell outta my dreams."

"So did you," Steve says, and his stomach twists. Tumbles. Washing-machine guts still soiled with the bloody red spots of a decade-long crush.

"Huh. You're kinda forward, Harrington."

Steve shrugs, face burning. "Long as I'm not as lame as you are."

"Dude, I didn't say you weren't lame."

"Sure, you didn't."

Billy's next laugh Steve feels in his gut, heat pooling behind the thatch of curly down at his pelvis. "Still such a bitch, pretty boy."

"I'm just being honest. We aren't getting any younger, I'm not really interested in playing it cool, anymore."

Something rustles as Billy shifts his weight, "You were cool, once?"

"Ha-ha."

"I don't wanna play it cool, either," Billy tells him, as serious as a heart attack, "Look, can I be honest? You mind?"

Steve nods and then remembers Billy can't see him. "Go ahead."

"I can't stop thinking about you."

Steve peers through the kitchen window, trying to imagine Billy somewhere on the edge of town with sunlight in his hair. Smoking in bed, naked gold until the duvet pulls him under hips first.

"Harrington, I need to see you again."

"Need is kind of dramatic."

"Maybe I'm feeling dramatic."

"Thought this was honesty hour, Hargrove?"

"It is. Honestly? I wanna kiss you," Billy tells him. "At midnight. In the pouring rain because I was too chicken-shit to do it after our first date."

Steve focuses on not swallowing his tongue. Damn near fails. "Was that a date?"

"No, it was bigger. It was the stars aligning, the start of--"

"--God, you are feeling dramatic."

"When can I see you?"

"I dunno," Steve says, fiddling with the lip of the sink, "When are we expecting rain?"

"Not sure."

Steve can hear his smile. Aches to sink into the softness. "I need a window to commit."

"Tonight. I'll make it rain."

Steve snorts, light as air. "You're crazy."

"I've had ten years to plan for this, Steve."

"Alright, lemme--" Steve pads over to the refrigerator, peering at his Kittens and Firefighters calendar. May is covered in birthdays, vacations, late nights at work, and roll-over plans from April, all hacked into the cardstock in striking red.

Steve groans and flips to June. "--Can you still make it rain in a month?"

"A month," Billy demands, "Fuck. You're hot shit but I didn't think--"

"--I have a full-time job. And friends who want to hang out when I'm not at work, but since I use all my energy at work I cancel on them, and things get moved around and--"

"--You can't make an exception for the guy who wants to eat you out?"

The pages of the calendar flutter, May settling heavy in the room. Steve swallows and his throat clicks. "Uh. My friends--"

"--Aren't gonna eat you out."

"They would. If I asked them to, at least one of them would."

"I'm not really loving that idea, pretty boy," Billy says, teasing. "What about over a lunch break?"

"You want to eat my ass over a lunch break?" Steve snorts, "I'm not a hooker."

"What's wrong with--"

"--I'm not," Steve says, "And even if I was, I'm not cheap. You couldn't afford the hour, and we'd need more than that, anyway."

"What about a sleep over?"

"A sleepover?" Steve says, turning from the refrigerator. "Like, where I come over to your house and stay until the morning?"

"Or I come over to yours, yeah."

"But--"

"Actually, let's do yours. Maxine's place is getting fumigated, so she and Lucas are staying in the guest house."

"You have a guest house?" Steve doesn't remember mention of that during their first date, but. He was distracted.

Billy laughs, "Bet I could afford your hour, pretty boy."

"I thought," Steve says, twirling the phone cord around his hand, "In high school, I remember you telling Becky Gordes that you don't do sleepovers."

"I'm gay."

"Okay, but what about Eddie Munson? The whole school thought you were fucking him, did he ever sleep--"

"--No, my dad would've killed both of us," Billy tells him, and. Something in his voice makes Steve's blood run cold. Makes him believe it.

So he shifts gears, "But. Don't you have work tomorrow?"

"Who said anything about a sleepover tonight," Billy says. Steve imagines the look on his face. Shit-eating grin bright and sharp and beautiful as always. "Unless you want me to come over tonight?"

"I never said that."

"I can work wherever I want. I don't have to go in at all, if I don't want to."

Steve pads over to his junk drawer, digging around for a red pen. "What does Saturday look like for you?" He bites the cap off, holding it like a straw in the curl of his tongue.

Billy laughs, "I thought you said you weren't free until next month?"

Steve chews on the cap for a moment, pen shaking over the cardstock surface of his calendar. He imagines Billy like he was that night. Different but exactly the same. Charming and soft in a way that only comes from the toil of regeneration. Years and years shedding skin.

He'd been funny and smart. Quick wittted.

Sweet. Like cotton fuckin' candy.

Steve remembers not wanting the date to end, not believing that the universe would give him Billy with no strings attached and laying awake that night, hoping Billy would call, and that they'd get their chance, and now--

"Shit. What the fuck am I doing?" Steve asks, but it comes out garbled and messy and wrong. Comes out sounding like, she whale the food ham ding dong.

Billy laughs at him, again, anyway. "What?"

Steve spits the pen cap onto the counter. "You really want to eat me out tonight?"

"Damn--"

"--Because. I was too fucking stupid to realize what was happening between us in high school. Or. What was happening to me when I saw you in high school, and this is important to me," Steve says in a rush. Fuck being subtle, right? "We're not getting any younger. And I haven't slept with anyone for a long time, much less someone who I've wanted for as long as I can remember, so if you're going to come over here and fuck me--"

"Or talk," Billy says gently. "We could talk more. Get to know each other."

Steve listens to the static on the other end of the line.

"I want to get to know you again, Steve," Billy says.

And Steve cracks. Like a bowl in the microwave, curdling under pressure and heat. "Alright, just. Do you have a pen and paper?"

"For what?"

"My address," Steve says, leaning against the sink, "I want to get to know you, too."

"Tonight," Billy asks, digging around for something.

"Tonight," Steve says. "What the hell."

"Great."

"You've got something to write with?"

"Yeah," Billy says, sounding like he's barely holding it together. "Yeah, just. Whenever you're ready."

--

That night, after, just as Steve falls asleep in Billy's arms--

It rains.

[elaemae]

The premium version of human is here to wreck house, mfs.

[Twst x Obey Me!AFAB!reader]

CHP. 6

PREVIOUS CHAPTER: PROLOGUE 5

I get really happy every time one of you guys like, reblog, or comment on my chapters, Thanks guys :3

CW: ANYTIME that MC is referred with male address or pronouns it's going to be color blue. There's also a shit-ton of cursing here.

You can feel your blood pressure ascending into the Celestial Realm (faster than a newly deceased good person) as this Azul Asheng-something mf drags you into his oh-so-fancy "Monstro Lounge" while you're just peacefully trying to fuck off from his dorm.

You were unfortunately curious enough to go poke your head into the mirrors leading to the dorms to see what they've got and use it as inspiration, but then this greasy-ass bitch sadly spotted you and literally hounded you to go in.

You would've socked him in the face for a second time but it turns out that he's a pretty important figure in this school.

You don't really wanna get in trouble for doing that.

(You may be able to do it to Crowley but you don't know if this attempted-bangle-thief has influential parents or something.. Crowley meanwhile, acts pretty parent-less for you.)

You are keeping an eye on him though.

If he tries any bullshit then he's getting his ass kicked.

Social hierarchy be damned.

You didn't rein in 10 demons, 3 angels, The greatest sorcerer in all of humanity and The literal fuckin grim reaper, (who're all constantly dragging you onto bullshit as either an accomplice or the baby-sitter) just for some dude in an Emo-friendly-cut-my-life-into-pieces college to best you.

• • • •

Jade did a double-take.

"..."

He blinked.

Azul is sending him SOS signals by blinking morse code at him.

Jade rubbed his eyes for a few seconds.

"..."

Nope, still the same.

Azul: *Blinking for help intensifies*

...Pft–

He bit his lip to stop his laughter from escaping.

Who would've thought that he'll see a day where his precious housewarden is having his face passive-aggresively squished and kneaded by a new student? And also, probably getting himself threatened based on the eerie smile on the students' face.

Azul should be grateful that floyd isn't here, lest he'll have two people on his hands that are more than happy to squish him around. He should be grateful there isn't anyone else around, really.. Lest the reputation he took so long to build crumbles.

Oh he can just imagine it at the top of his head.. The poor octo-mer will probably combust from embarrassment and maybe even go find himself an octo-pot that he can shimmy himself into.. oh how he misses those days...

(Elae: I'm just imagining baby Azul shimmying into a lil pot.. Ugh, so adorable I'm getting cute aggression.)

He does eventually step in to stop the student from treating Azul's face like a squishy piece of dough He took a couple of pictures ofc. he ain't an amateur, but not before almost getting his own face fall victim to the new students' hands.

• • • •

"You try this shit again and see what happens." You smiled at him as you squished his face.

He's still holding onto your wrists but he seems to have given up from escaping your passive-aggresive face massage. Instead, he seems to have settled in blinking so fast he can almost fly with his eyelashes.

This bitch really had the audacity to try and get you to sell your jewelry to him in exchange for a room in his frankly unimpressive dorm. (You have more than a dozen rich and powerful simps. A dorm in a college ain't gonna be enough to impress you anymore.)

"— I know that you must not have any money to pay but maybe we can compromise, it's gonna be hard for you and your friend (Yuu) to keep staying in the infirmary after all.."

"We can manage—"

"And my benevolence will not allow me to let some poor unfortunate souls be without accommodations... So what if, for a week of stay each, you give me your jewelry in retur—"

You got so pissed at the audacity that you almost strangled him but changed your tactic into a hateful squeezing the last second. (You can't be reported for physically violent behavior rn.)

He speaks as if the entirety of this college and its dorms can actually be worth even a single piece of the ring in your left hand.

But seriously? 15,000 madols (that's the price Azul told you) for one night of stay?? If you're gonna be paying that much money for a single room, then that room better solve all your problems, fulfill your greatest ambitions and then suck your imaginary dick afterwards.

Your annoyed musings were cut off when a hand tries to remove your grip from Azul's face.

You absent-mindedly reach your other hand, trying to deliver another kneading to a new victim.

• • • • •

Azul covers his face with his hand, embarrassed of how the situation played out.

It doesn't help that Floyd is cackling like a deranged maniac at him right now.

Thank goodness they're in his office.

"Can you stOp?!"

Poor bbg was so embarrassed his voice cracked :<

Hmph.

Jokes on you, even if he got embarrassed today he still got closer to your jewelry.

And now, he can 100% confirm that those ornaments aren't just for decorations.

The strong magic from your rings that were pressed against his face confirmed it.

Those things are definitely custom-made magical artifacts of the highest caliber.

Now.. How to get them...

• • • • •

You stopped walking, feeling someone's gaze on you.

Looking around discreetly, you didn't see anyone but you can still feel the eyes on your form.

Yeah no.

You continue on, ignoring the feeling of being watched, but not going to dark places or spots where you'll be all alone.

Time to check in on Yuu and their unwilling gang of window cleaners.

See if they're done already.

The sun is starting to go down, after all.

• • • • •

Mc... We're going to come find you.

Don't worry..

Please stay safe..

Please don't forget that we love you more than anything else in existence..

0u® |!gHt įN tH€ d@RkN€§$

← Pr. 5 | Chapter List | Pr. 7 →

EDIT: WTF WHY DID THIS CHAPTER GET POSTED?! I SAVED IT IN THE GODDAMN DRAFTS THIS AIN'T SUPPOSED TO BE DONE YET WHAT THE HELL?!

Oh welp, ain't nothing I can do about it now..

Thanks for reading this far, readers☺️

Reblog or I'll bite ya ankles😈

@f0uerleafedcl0ver

@leviathans-tail-scales

@a-traveling-void-human

@xingyunny

@caprinaesprout (should I put you in the permanent tag list for this series?)

Tagging isn't working for some reason so I can't tag some of y'all. The usernames I tagged just fuckin disappearing.

Tumblr is messing with me rn.

You wanna throw hands, Tumblr??

[xxgoblin-dumplingxx]

One freebie

Yapping and the thud of luggage sent Wade hurtling over the sofa to the door, startling both Logan and Althea out of the pleasant haze they'd fallen into watching Golden Girls.

"She's home, she's home, she's home!" he chanted, flinging the door open as he scooped up the dog. "My babies are home," he said, flinging your suitcase out of the way and pulling you into a kiss that made your head swim."

"Hello to you too," you tell him, thudding your head against his chest. "We would have been here sooner but Traffic was-"

Logan cut off your complaint with a hello kiss of his own and stroked your back. You smelled all wrong. Too antiseptic. No trace of him. No trace of Wade. Too much like hospital even after you'd showered and changed clothing. But you were here and that was reassuring. You looked a little wilted but no worse for wear. Nothing some food and something cold to drink wouldn't cure. "Feel okay, Princess?"

"Fine," you tell them smiling. "Just a long drive. Stopped off at home to see the family on the way back. The kids say hi."

"And mummy dearest?" Wade asked.

"It's a big job being the family black sheep but," you shrug, "someone has to be the cautionary tale."

"That's the spirit," Logan said, letting go of you and picking up your suitcase to take it to the bedroom for you.

"Cautionary tale my taint," Al put in, "Fuckin' living cinnamon roll. Only fucked up thing you ever did is get railed by these two-"

"That you know of," you tell her mildly, kissing Wade's cheek and giving Mary a pat before going to get a cold drink. "Remember. No one ever expects the good kids to cause trouble."

"I liked selling pot to the good girls," Wade said, making Logan roll his eyes.

"Of fucking course you did," Logan snorted, idly wondering where you fell on the spectrum of good bad girl. Probably NOTHING like Wade's mess. But definitely enough to make your wanna be blue blood family just BESIDE themselves. He watches you add vanilla and rum to a coke and quirked an eyebrow. It was unusual for you to drink. Something definitely wasn't being said.

"And that's why you always got busted. You never sell to the good kids. It's never 'But daddy I love him!' when the cops show up." you tell him patting him on the chest.

[razorblade180]

Potion Practice

Bonus to this <-

Amber:Aether! Pfft, Nice outfit.

Aether:*in Lisa’s clothes* They’re helping me make better potions. This has been a little hard. *stirs pot*

Amber:Oh yeah? Alchemy does seem complicated. I’m sure you’ll get the hang of it.

Aether:Did you want me to make something or stare at the slit in this outfit.

Amber:I just can’t believe she had one in your size. What’s the likelihood you’d mess up if I held your waist?

Aether:Fairly high.

Amber:Then I will settle for a vigor and stamina potion that’s good for long patrols. Lightly I’ve been pulling expedition alongside my normal routine while other knights are training new recruits.

Aether:Did Ellin and Noelle pass?

Amber:Not yet unfortunately.

Aether:One day. Welp…I could attempt a potion for you.

Amber:You’ll do great! I heard business was fine.

Aether:Last time I messed with vigor and stamina I made an aphrodisiac.

Amber:…

Aether:That was my expression when Lisa told me. Thankfully, she took Sumeru Rose stems away.

Amber:Why were they there in the first place if-

Aether:Because Lisa is chaos. *adds three Rainbow Rose leaves* Now let’s add some Asters and…done.

Potion turns red

Aether:Well it isn’t pink this time, so that’s good. Although maybe I should dip it first?

Amber:No it’s fine. I trust your skills. Besides, it would be bad it something made you have to shut down the shop.

Aether:You have work though.

Amber:Worst case scenario, Kaeya fills in for me after taking care of his nonexistent Calvary. *sips potion*

…….

Aether:Thoughts?

Amber:Taste good. My sinuses are open, like a rush of fresh mint. Guess it works for vigor! Coffee wasn’t really doing it anymore.

Aether:That’s awesome! Glad I can help.

Amber:When is your next break by the way? I’m sure you’re allowed lunch soon?

Aether:All the other potions have been properly prepared and stocked. We can catch up now. Just let me change.

Amber:You’re not walking into town like this?

Aether:I’m not wearing these heels longer than I feel necessary.

Amber:That’s fair. I’m glad I caught you when I did then. Hehe, especially cause this is definitely another type of love potion.

Aether:…Come again?

Amber:This potion. Definitely an aphrodisiac.

Aether:Please say sike.

Amber:*fans face* I wanna, however…

Aether:There’s no fuckin way- *grabs potion book*….. Lisa!!

The witch casually walks over. She doesn’t even need to be asked for her to smell the brew.

Lisa:Ah you used the Rainbow Rose leaves raw. That’s pretty overwhelming at times unless you only add two or ground them up for extract. This is pretty low grade so just add chill water before selling it. *leaves*

Aether:Why the hell is the line between vigor and horny one leaf? Amber, how exactly are you feeling?

Amber:I’ve never had an aphrodisiac before so on a scale from one to ten… I’m sitting at a six. Maybe a six and an half?

Aether:Hold on. I’ve gotten good at stabilizers for obvious reasons. Give me five minutes.

Amber:….Or, I can get our lunch to go and meet you at my place? You need a place to change anyway.

Aether:…

Amber:… *sips potion*

Aether:Paimon!

Paimon:*counting mora* The shop is in good hands! Just come back with snacks!

Amber:Consider it done! *takes Aether’s hand*

Aether: I don’t know how to feel about being on the menu while in this.

Amber:Consider it dessert.

Aether:There’s no way Lisa said that stuff was low grade.

Lisa:*in the distance* I can show you high grade!

Aether:Please don’t!

[justalittlesolarpunk]

hello! I've just found your blog and that's AMAZING, but I have a question: what do you think about industrial food? it's super low quality, and furthermore, they produce a lot of trash as plastic (unnecessary) packaging! It would be easier just to say "starting eating organic food", but for poor people, buying grapes or apples, even not organic, costs more than buying cookies full of fat, sodium and carbohydrates (not talking about all the chemicals). I personally, think about non conventional food plants as an alternative since most of them are super resistant to weather changes and easy to rise. I wanna know what you think about

Hi! Thanks for getting in touch. The long and short of it is, I hate industrialised farming. It pollutes the air, soil and water, poisons and impoverishes farmers, increases the likelihood of zoonotic pandemics, reduces the genetic diversity of plants and encroaches upon wildlife territories. We need a massive return to local, small-scale regenerative agriculture if we are to feed everyone and equitably share the earth with other species. But you’re right, it has to be done in a way that’s just and fair for people who can currently only afford plasticked, pesticided and processed food, as well as making a living for farmers. We’re all on the same side here, but people often don’t realise that. I also think we need to massively diversify our food plant range - a system that relies on just a few staple crops is insanely vulnerable, especially with more and more extreme weather coming our way. So many plants I was raised to think of as ‘weeds’ are not only edible but highly nutritious and often medicinal. Where are the dandelion farmers? The mycologists selling turkey tails? And foraging should be taught in all schools so kids can feed themselves in the wild and pass these skills on to future generations. As with most climate solutions, I don’t think it’s an either/or - I’d welcome pretty much any solution as part of a wider melting pot of alternatives. The only thing I won’t budge on is that we have to change, because the way we in the North and West farm right now just isn’t sustainable.

[jo-the-nerd]

ALSO SPEAKING AS SOMEBODY WHO ONLY KNOWS THE BARE MINIMUM OF GOOD OMENS AND THE INEFFABLE HUSBANDS i just wanna say im pretty sure bg3 has their equivalent in bloodweave (gale [the one played by tim downie] + astarion)

my defense:

autistic book nerd and king who has the Audacity to fight God + chaotic theater gay that gives cat vibes and may need Therapy

aziraphale and gale sound like the type that would have solidarity in old man knees . idek if thats canon for aziraphale but it sure as hell is for gale

aziraphale and gale rhyme holy shit thats becoming a legitimate bullet point AJSJSJSJA

the book nerds live in their own private library . gale has a whole ass wizards tower while aziraphale has his book shop (that iirc he doesnt even sell the books in it ???)

crowley and astarion are the same fruit men . i also dont know how to explain that crowley just gives me 8 strength vibes as well . even if he was an angel you cant tell me this man can lift more than three books at once

"fuck the gods that did nothing for us. what if we chose each other" vibes from the both of them (idc what the other endings for gale are hes denouncing mystra in my canon bc i say so <33)

is aziraphale the type to have a cat . he seems so . how about a cat w wings (<-a tressym) . theyd absolutely bond over that

if you replaced the cutscenes of astarions little hissy fits w crowley i think itd honestly still be pretty in character

if i manage to pirate good omens one of these days i will be confirming if my hypothesis is correct <33

Ooooh now we're talking :)))))) I'll try to be brief (< lying)

yup that's them.

'may need therapy' we all know they do, the 'may' is only there bc they either won't admit it (Aziraphale & Gale) or would have to get dragged kicking & screaming before ultimately weaseling their way out of it looney tunes style (Crowley & Astarion)

Aziraphale is an old man in all aspects except one (biologically), however Crowley is the same age and he would definitely have old man knees. he doesn't know what to do with his joints half of the time due to being snek

yeah there are no books being sold in that bookshop fgfjkfggnv. like, it's all first editions and what-not so i totally get not wanting to give any away but then why open a shop??? instead of a collection???

yk what, fair enough. Crowley is a noodle, those arms aren't doing much more opening doors for his angel. tbf he can lift multiple potted plants at once but that's more spite than anything

i could also totally see Astarion doing the Crowley Walk(TM)

"fuck the gods that did nothing for us. what if we chose each other vibes" so true, no notes.

aziraphale doesn't have a pet (yet) but I think he would love a cat (I mean, he's got Crowley hanging around, basically the same). A tressym is just a very peculiar step up from that (consider: it has it's own wings to match him and Crowley, which is really adorable!!)

crowley's hissy fits are great and can likewise be replaced with Astarion's.

similiar additions which would probably still be in character:

C slammed Aziraphale into a wall for calling him nice

C went out into the middle of the street when he got really frustrated/anxious and exploded lightning from his body

C agreed to take care of the bookshop, not selling any books etc. but tossed any books he was holding into some corner whenever

both of them evaded the immediate ire of their higher ups by pointing out a technicality that amounted to 'this word is explained to be different from the one you're using, but through a miniscule footnote on the last page of this giagantic book'

Aziraphale has an incredible hard time overcoming the trauma and toxic mindset upheld by his superiors, including how he views himself and his partner (that one's just sad, sry)

Solid ground for a hypothesis I'd say :))

[prxtze-l]

Ophelia lived alone in the woods where no one paid her any mind. Camelot was a pretty big kingdom so no one ever thought about anyone living outside of it.

She lived her life peacefully in her small cottage and her garden, only going out twice a week to sell her herbs and plants to the people in the kingdom and going to the market for supplies.

That was until she earned the curiosity of a certain blond prince.

WC: 1.8k

Previous | Next Chapter

˚ ༘ .˚🌱୭ ˚. ᵎᵎ

It's been a year since Ophelia ran away from the orphanage and found the cottage, by now she already fixed and redecorated everything. She woke up to the sun shining through her window, yawning she got up from her bed and walked to her kitchen. It was a bit cold since she only had her nightgown on from the night before but she was used to the chilly morning.

She began cooking breakfast for herself. It was just a simple plate of pancakes. But before she could dig in, she heard scratching from her door and rushed to open it. Ophelia opened the door to a fluffy white cat.

"Good morning, Heinz," she greeted the white cat. The cat, Heinz, just meowed at her back and entered the house. She always assumed he was a stray from the lack of a collar and how he was always dirty whenever she saw it every morning.  She always wondered where he'd run off to every afternoon only to come back the next day.

She once tried giving him a bath but that didn't end well. Let's just say there were a lot of torn curtains and water splashed everywhere.

Ophelia shrugged off her thoughts and closed the door. She opened the cupboards above her kitchen counter to fetch Heinz his meal. She brought him food so everytime he visited her he'd have something to eat. Grabbing a spare bowl from her dish rack, she poured the tuna in. "Here's your meal Heinz," she called out to the cat.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

After eating her meal she took a quick bath in the springs near her cottage and changed out of her nightgown. Ophelia now wore a brown dress, a black cloak, and black boots.

On her way out, she took a basket that was filled with seedlings she grew. She was about to leave until Heinz ran at her before she could close the door. "You wanna come with me today Heinz?" she asked the cat, even if she knew he couldn't answer her back.

She walked a few feet away from the cottage before turning back, she placed the basket down next to a waiting Heinz. Ophelia held out her hands akin to a music conductor and the ground suddenly trembled, plants from all around rapidly grew in sync, vines dancing and curling around the cottage enough to obscure it from anyone who wandered near.

Ophelia dropped her hands back to her sides when the cottage was fully covered. "That should do it," she picked up the basket from the ground and Heinz, who climbed up to her shoulder. She bunched up her dress and cloak and began to walk out of the forest.

She stopped at a stone wall that blocked her path. "Well that won't do. Right Heinz?" she asked rhetorically but the cat meowed back. Without a second later a branch from a nearby tree grew towards their direction. She hopped on and the branch began to lift them over the wall.

"Thank you, mister tree!" she exclaimed as they stepped off the branch, now over the wall. She waved away the tree branch as it retreated back to the forest.

Ophelia looked around the alley they landed in to make sure the coast was clear. After confirming that it was safe she began to head to the town's market. "Do you want anything before we set up the stand, Heinz?" she looked at the cat that was still perched on her shoulder.

The cat only looked at her and meowed. Nodding as if she understood him she continued on her way to the market.

She snuck through the dark walkways towards her small stand. The market wasn't that busy yet as it was still early in the morning. Ophelia took off her cloak and started to clean the small stand and set up a few pots. She took out the seeds from her basket and began planting them in each of the pots. Growing them as she did so.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

An hour later and she finally finished setting up her stand. By the time she finished, the market was starting to bustle. During her preparations Heinz wandered off to who knows where. She patiently waited until the nice elderly lady from a nearby stand approached her.

"Good morning, dearie!" the old woman greeted her. "Good morning, ma'am!" Ophelia greeted back. "Are you going to buy another plant?" she asked the woman. The old woman always went to her stand whenever it was open and always bought something. Ophelia wouldn't be surprised if her backyard was already filled to the brim with plants growing everywhere.

"You already know it! Anything new you decided to grow this week?" the woman inquired. "I have this new plant I decided to experiment with. It's called a Bougainvillea. It grows in different colors!" she told the old woman.

The old woman awed at the plant. "Well I'll take it!" she cheered. Ophelia taught the woman about everything she needed to know to grow the flower as she sold it.

"Have a good day, dear!" the woman shouted to her when she walked away. Ophelia waved at her as a response.

The day went as usual, people buying her plants from time to time and talking to her. She was well known around the town's market but no one ever knew what her name was. They just referred to her as the beautiful young lady who sold plants in the town's market.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

Hours later, the sun was beginning to set. Houses and market stalls lit up their areas with lamps. All except Ophelia who began to close her stand. She removed the remaining plants from their pots and turned them back to seedlings. She moved them to small bags with dirt and replanted them.

Once she was done, she gathered all the remaining seedlings and put them at the front of her stall. She left them there for anyone who wanted to take them. She had enough to spare so she couldn't really care.

As she was leaving she met up with Heinz. They walked through the busy streets of the market blending into the crowd.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

Somewhere else in the kingdom a certain blond prince snuck out of his bedroom window and into the bustling market that was already lit full of lamps. He wasn't allowed to leave his room after being grounded.

Apparently you weren't supposed to wander away from the knights when they were patrolling, especially when they're guarding you, the prince of the whole kingdom.

𖤣.𖥧.𖡼.⚘

Earlier that day, Tedros was exiting the palace grounds with the knights that were patrolling around the kingdom. Bidding his father farewell, he followed the knights on their horses to the different places around the kingdom.

Around a few hours in, he saw something that caught his eye. The knights he decided to follow were posted by the market. He was advised by his father to observe the knights, saying it was important for him to know the state of the kingdom.

Tedros looked at the busy knights patrolling around the market and walked towards the area where people were surrounding. He couldn't see what they were so excited about but by the sound of the people pushing each other he could tell it was interesting.

He almost couldn't hear anything from the mixed voices until a soft voice cut through the crowd. "Everyone please calm down, there are plenty of plants for all of you," at the sound everyone suddenly calmed down. To anyone else they would've assumed it was the voice that calmed them down but to Tedros he saw how a plant in particular started to waft it's scent through the crowd.

'That's unusual...' Tedros thought to himself.

The crowd calmed down enough that he could finally see where the soft voice came from. It was a girl, probably the same age as him. She looked beautiful. His breath got caught in his throat. He felt his face grow hot.

She looked so kind. He was so caught up in his own thoughts that he didn't realize he was the only one left of the originally small crown and the beautiful girl he was admiring was trying to talk to him.

"..ello? Sir? Would you like to buy anything from my plants?" He snapped out of his thoughts when he saw the beautiful girl staring at him waiting patiently for him to say anything.

Once he realized his embarrassment he sputtered over his words. "Uh– uhm..." He couldn't muster up anything to say.

"I'm assuming you're new to my stall. Would you like a recommendation?" The girl patiently asked him.

"Y-yes..!" Tedros internally face palm himself of making a fool of himself again.

The girl chuckled. "You're weird but in a good way," she told him. Tedros wanted nothing more than for the ground to swallow him at that moment.

"Since you're new to this whole thing, I would recommend a snake plant. They'll thrive in any light condition but you'll have to take care of it," she took the small snake plant that was growing from a small pot. "But it is a bit pricy though," she worried.

"That's fine! How much is it?" Tedros didn't really care about the plant. He just wanted to talk to the girl as long as possible. He got out the pouch filled with gold coins from his back pocket.

He took some out, "will this be enough?"

The girl looked at him baffled. "That's more than enough! But I don't think I have any change for that amount..." she looked at him worriedly.

"It's okay. You can keep the change," Tedros replied enthusiastically. He always made girls swoon with his status. Surely this would woo her.

"But–" she started only for her to feel him take her hand and giving her the gold coins. "Take it," he said genuinely.

"If you say so... Would you like me to put this in a bag?" She accepted the coins and went under the desk to get a bag.

"That would be pretty girl– I mean– pretty good! Pretty good," Tedros caught himself from making a fool of himself again.

Once she finished bagging the plant she handed it to Tedros. He took it from her and was about to thank her, when the knights approached the stand.

"Your Majesty!"

He turned to them but looked back at the stall. The girl was nowhere to be seen. "Huh? Miss?" He called out but didn't receive a reply.

Before Tedros could start to find her the knights arrived. "Your Majesty, you are not supposed to leave the knights' side," the knight that seemed to lead the others scolded him. 

Without getting another word out he was escorted back to the castle, still holding on to the bag fearing he'd accidentally drop it.

Outfits:

⤷ nightgown

⤷ cloak

⤷ boots

⤷ dress

A/N: Hope you liked the first prologue chapter!

[buf309]

I showed my bro your MTNN art since we used to watch & read it years ago. I also told them you were into Sxf which resulted in the following ideas for a crossover between the two:

- Ver 1: Yako is an exchange student attending Eden.

- Ver 2: Yako is an established P.I. & is hired to find out who Twilight is.

- Neuro knows the Forgers are a fake family but he enjoys them for the entertainment value.

- Neuro messes with Loid for fun.

- Yako's mom & Yor become friends & swap "recipes".

- Neuro encourages this much to everyone's horror.

- Neuro calls Anya 'Hatchling' & is surprisingly good with children.

- He also tosses her out the window to see if Yor or Loid would catch her first.

- Neuro finds out about Anya's abilities while Anya finds out Neuro is a demon due to said powers. Unspeakable chaos follows.

Thank you for your patience @monsoonceroom, I kinda forgot about this ask for a while haha 😅 I have a whole crossover storyline planned, but I don't know if I could draw it or not, since my hands are full at least until the end of next year (my WIP list is one meter long folks |||OTZ )

Anyway, I can give you the summary of what I've cooked up (in my head) with this MTNN x SxF crossover:

Our spyboy Twilight was tasked to retrieve a weird radioactive artifact before it could be sell on the black market. Turned out, that thing was one of the 777 Demon Tools (how it was there is not important, 'coz I dunno 🤡) When Twilight touched that thing, it zapped him into the MTNN world.

... right into a middle of somewhere which looked like a demonic ritual in a cult, what with those big pots on open fire and those questionable globs inside.

Neuro whooshed down from the ceiling like he always did and gave our spyboy a heart attack.

After a bit of ruckus (some gun-shootings and some bullet-catchings), they decide to sit down and talk things out. Neuro recognized that stray tool as one of the scouts that he sent out to search for a way back after the timeskip at the end of MTNN manga. Twilight obviously wanted to go back to his world, but Neuro said he didn't wanna because he had no energy to activate such tool.

Spyboy pointed to the horror fest in the background and asked if that was Neuro's next meal. The demon just blankface told him that was for Yako, to celebrate (troll) her latest heartbreak (arresting another creepy stalker by kicking that guy in the face then giving him a mind-breaking talk until he cried his way to the police station.)

Then, an explanation about puzzle this and that:

Neuro did that abstract demonic thingie of his and pointed out that Twilight had a hint of a puzzle on him but it had not ripen yet, and that was the only reason Twilight was still here, in Neuro's office/territory.

Yako arrived at that exact moment and managed to smooth things out. They knew this man as some kinds of secret agent, and he knew them was working as a private detective duo, weird choice for work occupation, but not like he could judge them.

Twilight was surprised that the demon's partner was a young girl Yuri's age. When he asked her about the horror cookings, she was exasperated but confirmed with him that yes, that was normal for her, and yes, she could really eat all those just fine, no problem. Yako asked him to wait a bit for her to search for a small puzzle, so Neuro could send him back asap, because she was worrying about possible dimension paradox etc. etc.

Her earnest reminded Twilight of his girls and her iron stomach of Yuri, he offered to cook her a proper meal in exchange.

So, they went out to search for Neuro's puzzle, Yako's grogery, and Twilight got an eye-opening tour about a world where peace was archived.

After making a personal all-you-can-eat buffet for one, the demon detective duo sent Twilight back to his home as promised. Neuro gave him another scout tool to keep for emergency, because he didn't want to lose track of such a possible great puzzle meal. Twilight was just confused about this bizzare day of his and wondered what he should tell in his report to Handler.

Jump ahead to the future, the detective duo were bored out of their mind in a slow day, when there was suddenly a big explosion in the middle of their office. They found their strange agent curling up over a big white dog and a small girl, and a black-hair woman hovering over him in a protective pose. They were all heavily injured.

The woman snarled something at them, but Yako could only understand a few words, warning them to back off she guessed. The agent looked around in surprise, he struggled to loose the little girl's vice grip on his clothes, gave her to the woman, and turned to face the duo.

The puzzle had ripen, giving off such a rich and complex sense of emotional anguish that made Neuro drool in hunger. If he ate this puzzle, he could sustain his energy for a long while, like the that time he ate that HAL guy's puzzle. Hearing this, the agent calmly told Neuro that he would hand over the "puzzle", in exchange, he wanted them to help his family, give them treatment and shelter until they could heal and get out of their hair.

Neuro told him bluntly that with his injured state, the energy drain might kill him afterward. The agent looked back at those behind him, then nodded, agreed to the risk.

The woman pulled the agent back by his collar and shouted something at him. They argued in a foreign language that Yako couldn't understand but she could guess the gist of it. Yako and the other woman might not speak each other's tongue, but they both had the same sense for when the men in their life about to pull something stupid. It seemed to be universal.

Yako poked the demon in the arm, silently told him to behave with her eyes. Neuro gave her his "deeply displeased face(TM)", when she wouldn't back down, he shrugged and relented. He just had to be more careful and stop before he drained everything then, a child play.

They just let their guests getting out all of their grievance with each other first before telling them the good news. The detective office seemed to gain a new source of entertaiment in their near future.

...

The end, I guess?

This crossover makes more sense in the POV of the MTNN cast than the SxF cast. I can honestly think of nothing else to add to balance them more evenly 🤷‍♀️

[sheinthatfandom]

Well some good news we were able to get our covid shots and with the good rx discounts and the pharmacist doing a solid on that using the cheapest option she could it still cost a lot but not $600 so that’s good but we were also able to get free flu shots cause she had vouchers for us (I hope her pillow is always cool that her plate bank account and gas tank is always full)

Beanie is donen for a nap now and we both got the double bandaids lol

Debating if I should put the photo under the cut or not but

other personal stuff under the cut

I started selling off some of my hellaverse pin collection the ones I’m most ready to part with. I was hoping to not have to just yet but the pins I made aren’t moving and I just can’t put more money into making my own pins if they’re not selling. It sucks to get rid of something I was so obsessed with but our health was more important. Beanie is just glad the person I sold the pins to didn’t want the lenticular one she loves. Hubby’s court case is coming up we thought it was the one with the social security disability but it’s the one against his job for basically going to the doc and having him say he can go back to work before he ever even had his appointment which is illegal but the lawyer said to not expect much from this first hearing it’s an establishing one. His ss diability case isn’t even until next year and that’s got me worried.

Also idk what happened but on insta a lot of my friends are now sending me I love you and I’m glad you’re here messages and it’s nice but also I’m like not all of ya’ll are on tumblr so like how’d you know I was feeling some type of way or is it just a nice message and you thought let me send it to Loren.

I’m almost done with the zelda game im really enjoying it and it was so nice to have something fun and positive to focus on. Unfortunately now my thoughts are gonna go back to the uncertainty of this next term and to a lesser extent the anxiety over the in-law Xmas party. For the most part I expect everyone to behave but there’s 2 one that’s for sure coming and one that might not come who might say some shit and start some shit and I might hit them with a crock pot………. We’ll see how this goes.

Beanies just so excited about seeing her cousins and I don’t wanna take this away from her. The kids are fine honestly they’re good kids it’s some of the parents.

So yeah I’m trying to focus on positives my brain is already like words are hard again so no clue when the two fics I was actively working on will be finished especially while I’m also trying to download my fics and fics from other authors I’ve enjoyed cause again who knows

[mcflymemes]

PROMPTS FROM STEP BROTHERS *  assorted dialogue from the 2008 film

this house is a fucking prison!

we're in the bathroom!

i don't believe in belts.

it usually starts by you telling me a little something about yourself.

i'm going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap and beat the shit out of you.

this wedding is horse shit.

you guys have an outstanding track record.

i was faking. i used ninja focus to slow my heart rate down.

i smoked pot with johnny hopkins.

you're not gonna come down and say hi to me?

i thought we'd begin talking about your parents' divorce.

i want you out of my fucking house!

i just want you to know i hate you.

oh stop it!

i dont have to swear to shit!

you must feel just terrible.

i owe you an apology.

you gotta keep an eye on it.

you take that back.

we do it because we love you.

hey, can i ask you something?

this is my house now.

what do we do now?

you're failures!

i wasn't fired from my job. i was laid off.

whoa, calm down, man. i'm just joking.

you know what? i still hate you.

you were dead. i saw you die.

sweet jesus! i love korean food!

maybe someday we could become friends.

do you wanna do karate in the garage?

we could hug.

i didn't want the salmon! i said four times!

it sounds a lot like the plot of good will hunting.

how old were you when they got divorced?

why are you so sweaty?

this is what i live with!

this is just like cold case files!

get out of my face, or i'm gonna roundhouse your ass.

was that a fart?

in no way, shape, or form do i feel any feelings of intimacy towards you in any way whatsoever.

what if i were to tell you i could sell this house for 30% above market?

oh, i'm exhausted.

well that's fine.

i always wanted to be a dinosaur.

i can taste it on my tongue.

we're here to fuck shit up!

on the count of three, name your favorite dinosaur.

i swear, i'm so pissed off at my mom.

i remember my first beer.

we can bicker about this all night, but what's done is done.

i would follow you into the mists of avalon.

shut the fuck up!

you're alive! oh my god!

my little brother is even a bigger asshole than you are.

i'm just saying, you need to think about your options.

i'm not gonna call him dad.

did you touch my drum set?

he had the craziest look in his eyes.

you have the voice of an angel.

believe me, i've told him that.

hey, you're embarrassing yourself!

do you want to talk about some of those feelings?

we like to shit with the door open.

guess what? i hate you too.

now the tuxedos seem kind of fucked up.

you better not go to sleep, 'cause as soon as your eyes shut, i'm gonna punch you square in the face.

stop being a fucking dinosaur and get a job.

hey, you awake?

are you fucking crazy, man?

you're not feeling this?

i tea-bagged your drumset.

i know you two are technically married.

i'm not going to! ever!

my best friend is ben affleck.

look, i didn't touch your drum set.

okay, i'll be honest with you. i did fart.

you know what's good for shoulder pain?

we're putting the house on the market.

don't even think about it.

what's your problem?

i would've done the exact same thing.

did we just become best friends?

i feel like i'm smarter than most of the people who go there.

you and your mom are hillbillies.

it stinks. and this is a small room.

obviously... you don't know me.

my penis is tingling right now.

we make our own beef jerky.

you better not get in my face.

where are we moving?

ready? one, two, three.

i think it's time for a change. for both of us.

your voice is like a combination of fergie and jesus.

i know that we started out as foe.

i've seen him do it.

this house sucks ass.

the clown has no penis.

we are living the dream.

i'm just thinking about our life together.

what kind of dreams are you having?

shut up!

it was in international waters, so they couldn't prosecute him.

i hope you stay still when you sleep, 'cause i'm gonna put a rat trap between your legs.

why do you have randy jackson's autograph on a martial arts weapon?

you leave me money for pizza?

well what about us?

we literally have never done any of those things.

what's this all about?

shut your mouth!

what the fuck happened?

[raineydaysghoul]

DC characters as things I've heard at school

Wally: why Dick

Dick who shaved his head: because I can

Dick: I was gonna shave my eyebrows to look like Mr. Clean

Wally distraught sounds:

------

Oliver: what kind of shoes does Optimus prime wear

Roy: I don't know

Oliver: vans

-------

Hal: your mom

Burce: my mom's dead but thanks

Bruce: she's in a jar so we could bring her to school

-------

Diana: have a good day. Don't get pregnant!

-------

Jervis to 1 of the robins: ya ever hear about shrooms?

-------

Assignment on mental disability

Two-face to Harvey: look it's about us!!

-------

Hal: John was in the Marines but we don't hold that against him

-------

Tim: Frankenstein's monster is hot

Bart: idk that's kinda subjective

Tim: IT IS STATED IN THE BOOK!! HE IS ATTRACTIVE!!!

Kon: I kinda agree with Bart that's pretty subjective

-------

Constantine: can you imagine telling your partner you have herpes

Constantine singing: I-have-herpes. Please-don't-leave-me.

-------

Booster about Ted: he's thick. He's a big boi

-------

Talking about school house rock live

Hal to Barry: I wanna melt your pot

-------

Tim: I would sell my anal virginity for a candbar

--------

Hal to Barry and Oliver: Wanna have a threesome

Oliver: Hell no!!

Oliver: It's gots to be a foursome. There has to be a girl

--------

Tora to the rest of the JLI about Bea: just because she's a immigrant doesn't mean she's Hispanic

--------

Booster talking about Of Mice and Men: can you blame her. George is fine af

[dolphindive85]

We Need a Girl Chapter 5- the photo shoot

Chapter 5

Hannah could tell from Marcus’s particularly pearly whites today that he was pleased with her. She reflected a little bemusedly on the more solemn and occasionally downright scolding meetings she’d had with him before. Meetings where he’d chastised her for flipping off pervy event reps, or where it had got back to him through some little snitch that she’d point blank refused to strip naked and take polaroids with a camera man who she was supposedly meeting with to discuss an EP front cover. There had been one particularly tricky meeting where Hannah really thought Marcus was going to drop her for good. Hannah knew her temper was always a boiling pot with a shaky lid, and Marcus had warned her that another “fuck-you fest” with someone they were trying to schmooze really would be it. Luckily, he had told her, there was just too much of a gap in the market for a “song writer with pin up potential” for him to give up on her yet. She supposed she should be grateful for this, but since that comment she’d had a terrible feeling it was a matter of time before Marcus tried to get her to dress up as a sexy 50s sailor and salute the camera or something equally fucking dreadful. He reminded her a little of a shark when he smiled like this: so wide, so many teeth.

“Hannah, it sounds like you’ve been really excelling. Jeff’s been so pleased with how you’re working the camera, says you’re a natural. There’s great chemistry on set, it’s really going to draw new eyeballs to the show they hope.” 

Marcus was a businessman, and he knew he didn’t need to tell Hannah which eyeballs she was being counted on to draw. Hell, it didn’t even matter. A view was a view, and views meant more advertising, and more money. 

“Right, great. That’s great news. They want me to do more?”

Marcus shifted slightly. “Yes. The conversation around exactly what that looks like is still ongoing. But yes!” He was still treading carefully. Surely Hannah couldn’t be naive enough to think that a masculine-targeted show like this one didn’t need their female cast member to have a certain appeal. But then she’d been incredibly oblivious to opportunities in the past. Marcus felt assured that Hannah would quickly see that this was a chance too good to miss, and compromise was always part of chances in entertainment. He’d compromised keeping such a fucking liability on his books, because he knew that, with the right light and a small enough t-shirt, he could sell what Hannah had to offer.

Oblivious to the machinations of the deal, Hannah smiled at the promise of more time in the show. She did like being part of the Jackass group. They had all been nice to her. SteveO and her had been friends for a long time, and hanging out with him more was a lot of fun, if you liked bruises and weed, which, luckily, she always had. Her skating had improved loads with the help of the group. Even Bam, who she’d been tempted to write off as a spoiled big mouth after the night in the bar, had held her hands and coached her across skate ramps, long sleeves flapping and laughing like a little boy. She trusted them. It felt good to be a little kid with them, all scraped knees and giggling. Running away from grown ups and trying to find the next funniest possible thing to do. 

And Johnny. Her whole body lit up when he was on set. He was so polite to her it was almost formal. He watched like a hawk when she took part in any stunts, eyes dark and arms folded. She wanted to break his resolve and make him laugh again, and she was constantly on the look out for ways to do it. 

“SteveO are you sure you want to look loaded in these pictures?”

“Yeah dude I wanna see how big I can make my pupils go in the pictures” he replied, spraying cleaner onto a rag and breathing deeply.

Hannah watched a little doubtfully, but she didn’t want to harsh her friend’s fun. They were in the parking lot at the shoot, and Hannah’s stomach was doing backflips. She’d washed her hair and blow dried it, and it looked bouncy and fresh. Instead of the usual ‘work uniform’ she’d adopted of baggy t-shirts and cargo shorts, she’d chosen a tank top and long skirt. She felt a little self-conscious, but she tentatively trusted the others enough now to try something different for this special occasion. 

She linked Steveo’s arm and dragged him inside, where the rest of the boys were waiting. There was a cooler of beers on the floor, and Johnny, Dave, Ryan and Bam were sat with open bottles. They looked up when they saw them come in. “Oh hey nice of you to decide to join us!” called out Bam. “Sorry dude I had some very important errand to run.” said SteveO, sniffing in a way that Hannah thought was a bit obvious. “Oh yeah sure thing SteveO” laughed Johnny. Hannah reached out and playfully messed up Bam’s carefully coiffed hair, and he swatted her hand away. “You’re dressed like a girl today Hannah” Bam teased. “Careful, Jeff and Knoxville will remember they’re too chivalrous to let you have any fun.”

“No one was feeling chivalrous enough to wait for us before you cracked into the beers though?”

“Hey, it’s 9am somewhere” deadpanned Ryan, and tossed her and SteveO a bottle each. 

Hannah looked round for a bottle opener. Noticing, Johnny stood up. “Aw fuck off Bam, just cause you don’t mind making a girl cry doesn’t mean we’re all a bunch of brutes.”

He opened Hannah’s beer and handed to her, smiling. “Here ya go doll, and I think you look real nice.” Hannah grinned and knocked back a mouthful of beer. “I mean I know how much everyone likes my animal t-shirts so I can get changed back if you think that’s more the vibe we’re going for.”

As she’d predicted, there was a groan as her animal t-shirts were denounced by the group at large.

“Those fucking t-shirts man-“

“Fucking birds staring at me while I’m trying to work-“

“Those t-shirts have autism man I swear, a wolf howling at the moon, or a giraffe head and a tree. Where do you even buy a t-shirt like that in this day and age.”

“They are a waste of a killer rack man, makes you look 12 years old.” Ryan shook his head, disgusted. 

Sipping her beer and smiling at the barrage of criticism that her t-shirts tended to elicit, Hannah thought that for such a straight group they could sure bring the claws out when it came to fashion. 

Jeff approached, with who Hannah assumed was the photographer. He was tall, with a thin moustache and side burns. Hannah would guess he was 40, 45 perhaps. He was also, she noticed with a sinking sensation, staring right at her chest. His eyes didn’t so much linger as laser focus on to them. The worst thing was Hannah actually liked her boobs, or at  least she had done. Back home she’d got them out with ease, but in this town it felt like they entered the room 10 steps ahead of her, creating their own first impression. The rest of her arrived unwelcome and un-greeted behind them. About a month into life in LA, she’d taken to covering them up and pressing them down whenever she could. Apart from today, when she’d felt at ease enough to get dressed like she wasn’t attempting to smuggle out contraband. Clearly this had been a huge mistake. She folded her arms and moved her hair to the front, like that would make any fucking difference. 

The shoot started and Hannah tried to relax. They snapped pictures of the group. They tried to one up each other looking for the silliest thing to do in the next photo: Dave England dropped his trousers. Bam jumped into Ryan’s arms, Johnny kicked Ryan in the nuts. SteveO ricocheted around it all like a pinball. Laughing, Hannah joined in, encouraging Ryan to put his hand out and let her stand one legged in his grip before promptly toppling down. The camera flashed, catching the fall and the group collapsing under Hannah’s weight. 

Groaning on the floor, the group took a moment to get back to their feet. As they righted themselves, Hannah could see Jeff, Marcus and the camera man conferring, gesturing towards her and nodding.

“Right we want to try something different.”

“Boys, take 5. Then we’re gonna split into groups for photos. Hannah, we want you to try this on.”

“What is it?” Asked Hannah doubtfully.

Jeff looked a little shifty, and held up a white bikini. It had skull and crossbones symbols over the tits and across the butt it said ‘Jackass’. 

The men around her broke into laughter.

“Oh man good luck with that.” Said Bam, doubling over. “You gonna try and fit cargo shorts under those bikini bottoms Hannah?”

“Aw fuck dude that is so awesome, that’s gonna be a smokeshow on you Hannah. That’s hot!” SteveO babbled, draping himself over Hannah’s shoulder and talking fast.

Johnny clapped his hands together, throwing his head back to laugh. “That’s a Jackass branded bikini? Aw hell I didn’t even know we made those. We all gotta get one.”

Still laughing, the boys and Jeff walked to the cooler and helped themselves to another beer while Hannah’s costume change went ahead. 

Hannah stood holding the scrap of fabric in her hands, her knuckles white. She stared down at it feeling unable to move. What the fuck was she going to do?

“Marcus I don’t feel…comfortable with this. I would really rather not wear that.” She spoke quietly, a hush that she hoped wouldn’t bring the attention of the rest of the crew. Hannah looked imploringly at Marcus, trying to convey with her eyes the words she wanted to infer without having the shame of saying out loud: help me! Do something!

Marcus sighed.

“Hannah, like I said, this is a big opportunity. I don’t think you should assume you’ve got the kind of influence here as to get away with seeming difficult to work with.” 

Hannah flinched. “Fucking hell Marcus you’re supposed to represent me. If I wear this that’s it, I’m just… just eye candy here” she hissed, but apparently not quietly enough. People were starting to look. Johnny and Bam were glancing over from the beer cooler, and the photographer approached her and Marcus. He’d clearly assessed the issue and interjected breezily. 

“Honestly, sweetie, your face isn’t going to sell this magazine, but those are.” he gestured vaguely to her breasts. “So come on, let’s get our jobs done, alright?”

Feeling her face flush red, Hannah sucked in a breath. “Fucking hell.” and marched away. 

In the dressing room, Hannah put on the bikini. It barely covered her boobs, the white fabric and string leaving very little to guesswork. She hadn’t shaved, and the string tie bottoms sat high up on her legs. Hannah browsed the rack of clothing in the room and pulled on a pair of denim shorts. She presumed pubes weren’t something this group was ready for. She appraised herself in the mirror. “Fuck this fuck this fuck this” Hannah whispered, pressing the palms of her hands to her eyes. She took a deep breath. Do not be a fucking baby Hannah thought to herself. This photoshoot was meant to be a special moment. So what if she was wearing a bikini. SteveO was shirtless! This was fine. Obviously SteveO was also very obviously pinging out of his mind, and his body was different. It was a bit, a canvas for a joke. She hesitated, and opened the door to head back out, desperately hoping that the drama of the last 10 minutes had gone over her costar’s heads. 

The studio was cold and she felt her skin goose pimple as she stepped back out of the dressing room. The feedback was instant.

“Aww no way what’s with the shorts? I wanted to see the branding on the ass.” Dave called out from where he was sat by the beer cooler.

“Yeah well you fucking wear them then.” Hannah snapped back. Her insides felt jagged and hot. 

“Jeez” said Dave, holding up his hands in a mock surrender that indicated to everyone he didn’t know why she was being such a bitch. 

“Hannah you look so good dude, oh my god” SteveO approached her, hands outstretched, but was intercepted by Johnny. “O-K SteveO let’s get you onto liquids instead of gases.” he said, putting his hand firmly on Steve’s shoulder.

“OK fantastic Hannah we’re ready to go. Bam and Ryan and Dave, you’re gonna to a set together. And SteveO, Hannah, Johnny you’re gonna do a group shot. Then we might do some individuals.”Jeff directed.

The three of them stood together in front of the camera. 

“You OK?” Johnny asked her in an undertone.

“Yep, all fine.” she said, avoiding his eye. 

Marcus and Jeff stood by the monitor. 

The photographer seemed to have realised SteveO was beyond direction, and so focussed his instructions on Hannah and Johnny.

“Johnny, put on your shades. Yep, now twist left. OK, take a sip of your beer.That’s it, great.”

Johnny was so at ease in front of the camera. Even with her bikini on, Hannah was sure Johnny would be what drew everyone’s eye. 

“OK now a little closer together.” said the photographer, gesturing for Hannah to move in towards Johnny.

By now SteveO was on the floor and Jeff stepped in. “SteveO, come with me, let’s get you a coffee or something.”

The photographer breezed past the exit of one of his subjects.

“And turn to the side Hannah, face Knoxville, right up next to him, that’s it”

Hannah was now stood with her boobs pressed against Johnny, his arm loosely round her. 

“OK now put your arm up, around his neck.” Hannah draped her arm around Johnny, 

“Now bite his ear.”

“Excuse me?” 

“Johnny, put your hand on her ass.”

Johnny raised his eyebrows and looked at Hannah, “You mind?” he asked.

“Um, no, I don’t mind.”

She felt him place his hand gently on her. His hand was big, and it cupped her ass cheek easily. She felt his hand squeeze slightly and relax. She looked up at him and met his eyes behind his sunglasses.

The camera  flashed.

“OK fantastic. Now Hannah turn to me. That’s it. Now lean a little forward, little more…”

Hannah’s adrenaline was turning to annoyance as the photographer attempted to contort her to show as much chest as possible.

“OK now arch your back, open your mouth…”

“Why don’t I just deep throat the fucking microphone, is that more what you had in mind?” she snapped. Johnny let out a loud laugh, doubling over with his hands on his knees. The click of the camera paused as what she’d said settled. 

“I’m so sorry,” began Marcus, leaping into action, but Johnny waved him away.

“All creative input is welcome on set, no bad ideas in brainstorming.” he wheezed, reaching out and ruffling Hannah’s hair. “You’re funny.”

The camera man smiled his thin lipped smile. “Let’s do some individuals.”

Hannah went first. She felt sure that the camera man had become more aggressive in his clicking since her outburst. Jeff had come back, leaving SteveO to sleep it off in the changing room, and he tossed her a beer as he passed by. “Hey, shotgun this!” he called, and Hannah obliged, happy to show off her skills. The camera clicked and flashed as she knocked back the beer, reaching to wipe her mouth triumphantly afterwards. Ryan and Johnny applauded and whooped from their camping chairs, both waiting to be called up for more photos. “OK, now let’s lose the bikini top.”

Hannah let out a shocked laugh. The fucking nerve of this guy. She reached behind her back as if to undo her bikini strings, and instead pulled out a middle finger, and flipped off the camera. 

[crmsnmth]

Bell To Bell

I'm not sure what you want me to do It changes so frequently that I can't keep anything on deck And you'll push the blame And I'll take because that's how this works

You blame it on the pills I'm taking But they make me sleep Not fight and scream against brick walls You had to have noticed the cynic standing behind them

Your voice is screaming profanity and curses In just that dull you way you talk But your so good on paper I'll tell you, that's a pretty hard sell

Has your vanity kicked you down tht i wanna every join in every failure you've got coming It's the only time I'd side with this planet So sure, if that's what it takes to bring success Got anymore crappy limericks to share

The fight's about nothing, not a thing but we'll make it about everything again and again This is getting to be quite exhausting A boxing ring instead of a living room I don't see this has any better

The neighbors are listening I guess they never had choice Even that doesn't stop the barking thing we've got Bite me, fuck off, and please god, don't fucking touch me

I'll try to run but you'll grab ne by the shirt So sick of fights but it's the only thing we're good at Blame games and manipulation We are the answer to what happesn when you put a liar with a liar

There is something very wrong with you I could say the same

Look at the pot calling the kettle black