#so I had to call the bank
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What part of anxiety disorder life is “panic attack at the dispensary” asking for a me
#I figured it out#but there was a line#and I didn’t know I had to pay with debit#and I didn’t know my PIN number#so I had to call the bank#and I was holding up the line#so I stepped out#and panicked#and reset my pin#and kept apologizing#and the guy at the counter was like#ma’am you are at the weed store#you need to relax#everyone else here is high#and does not care#we just wanna sell you pot#and watch cartoons#which oddly helped#babby’s first trip to the weeditrician#taking myself off trazodone#I can’t do it anymore
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JACK DRAPER [GBR] d. TOMÁŠ MACHÁČ [CZE] || VIENNA OPEN QUARTERFINALS || 10 25 2024
#sorry im not fucking calling it 'erste bank open'#i saw this camera angle and had a vision. did the vision translate? not really. but i made them and at this point idgaf#jack draper#tomas machac#atp tennis#ms.gifs#made the court blue asf on purpose so you could see the ball. sorry it looks weird
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jonathan sims, head jonathan of the jonathan institute, jondon
#featuring such amazing characters as jonathan sims#gertrude robinjon#jolias bouchard#jontin blackwood#jonsha james#jonothy stoker#joliver banks#the bit is falling apart so imma call it here#i wrote all this while i didnt have my phone on me and decided if i had a j in my signature i would be unstoppable#because mm pretty cursive j#ebb rambles#the magnus archives#jonathan sims#the archivist
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lol didn’t think someone giving money would give me anxiety
#to the judge that’s gonna see this case next year and the lawyer that is representing it assuming the state idk how this all works#why has the person to say the least get to go a whole year without consequence? a known criminal who after stealing from me and being#released and again getting arrest now for gang violence or some shit she was let go? she maybe associated to the group that killed that boy#last year. and here i am panicking because im afraid to carry cash. im paranoid that imma go outside and my car will be missing. i’m get#panic attacks when i drive to close to that gym and tired going back but physically cannot get out of my car and i start to cry in the#parking lot. i’m not sitting at work shaking forcing myself not to cry because someone handed me cash and i’m afraid someone is going to#steal my purse again. you think that’s not a big deal and honestly i didn’t think it was until my purse was gone. my cards stolen and used.#my key missing EVERYTHING in my purse GONE. so many things in there plus the purse i had money and all that is stuff i paid for now im out#all that cash i’m out 500$ for a key replacement i stopped feeling safe leaving my house all my non replaceable things gone and everyone#spoke to me like it was my fault and had to stand their crying while adults told me not to use a gym locker ??? but in the same breath telli#telling me this isn’t the first time she’s done this she has a warrant for her arrest she’s known to steal cars i’m the problem and there’s#nothing they can do to help me. so while i cry because all the money i had lost and never got back i had to do ALL the work to call my bank#track where my cards were being spent at call the jpay line she transferred money to look up the person she cashapped money to call the#business she was actively spending money at ask the manger if she is currently there and if they could give the police all the receipts and#video of her there for them to act like the hero’s for my brother and i tracking her down while you all belittled me#FUCK YOU AND FUCK HER i can’t be fucking normal about STUPID mundane shit i’m stuck here shaking and crying and what you tell me later it’s#not a big deal? give me all the content of your car and wallet or purse or backpack take nothing out and see what you’re left with and how m#much you need to spend to drive your car again and to tow your car home let a stranger have all your cards and address and tell me you feel#safe#OH and for the gym to tell me they know about her she used to be an employee there she doesn’t have a membership so they don’t know how she#got in and they can’t help but she did steal from another girl that night and an employee last month and who knows how many more ppl like#that’s convenient you pos sounds like she has friends that still work at the gym and open the back door for her or just let her in that’s#crazy no ? and this is all alleged because when if i lost all these things i can’t speak on what did or didn’t happen that’s some crazy bull#shit anyways the towing company felt bad for me maybe because i hadn’t stopped crying they gave me the key replacement number and told me to#mention he referred me so i could get a discount and the layman felt back for me because when i called him i started to cry and when he told#me the price i cried harder so 500$ was the cheapest but pretty much my whole check#key man*#bad** LET ME FIX TAGS#allegedly all these ppl are privileged kids from a privileged background that grew up in a sheltered community and thing there’s no#consequences to their actions because of the lack of accountability from their parents who willing pay for people to look the other way
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this is like i’ll take care of you. it’s rotten work. not to me, not if it’s you. to me
#spiral from the book of saw#so I made it have a less yellow green filter bc I get that since it’s a saw (adjacent) movie it has to have#all the yellow green blue and red turned all the way up so I put a romantic drama film filter on it just stick with me here#spiral#spiralshipping#zeke banks#william schenk#william emmerson#anyway let's stick this quote to everything like it's 2019-20 again do u guys remember that ?#no im kidding it had its time in the limelight . but let me have this#it woulve been more relevant if id seen this movie when it was released i feel like im so late on spiral and saw stuff :((#this is like a spiral jumpsacre on my blog bc i have not even mentioned it at all on here but im sort of losing it 🙃 im actually really#into it :/ i know how divisive it is among sawheads (<- not what theyre called. or maybe they are idk)#saw
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aye can i get a fuckin uuuhhhh
break. on my burger
#shit chat#family cw#got sicker than i have been in years my bank closed my checking account on accident work is nightmarishly busy#and my mother is sending strings of long voice memos in the family group chat again#i simply will not be listening to them. at most i'll ask my dad or brother for the sparknotes version#bc her pattern for the better part of this year has been radio silence. no attempt at communication whatsoever#and then BAM like 5-10 min worth of voice memos screaming crying sobbing shaking#I DON'T KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO TO GET MY CHILDREN TO FORGIVE ME. I'M CRAWLING ON MY KNEES ON THE DESERT FOR A HUNDRED YEARS REPENTING#WHAT THE FUCK IS FAMILY FOR YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU MORE THAN ANYTHING AND I'M SUFFERING SO MUCH AND I'M ALONE BECAUSE#MY FAMILY ABANDONED ME. I HAVE NO ONE. I DON'T KNOW WHAT I DID BUT I'M BEGGING. I NEED HELP I NEED MY KIDDOS AROUND ME PLEASE I'M DYING#followed by several minutes of sordid updates on her shitty miserable life#which is tbf pretty shitty & miserable. she's extremely physically disabled & mentally ill#her partner had a severe stroke a couple months ago and is still recovering. they've both been in & out of hospital#neither working. partner's adult son who lives with them is the only income in the household#partner's permanently disabled mother also lives with them. plus 2 large dogs 6 cats and 3 each of chickens & ducks#they're in court suing their landlord bc he's trying to evict them but the property is an uninhabitable shithole to begin with#but like. whenever i do make the mistake of responding to one of her groupchat tantrums#she's just like 'oh you know me im a survivor :) i just miss yous is all :) now that you're here i'm gonna bitch about my life for an hour#and ignore everything you have to say and show active disdain & boredom whenever you tell me anything about yourself or your life :)'#and if i offer help she refuses it#like it's just a bid for attention. expecting unconditional love and absolution and salvation from us bc That's What Families Do#she doesn't actually seem to give a shit about any of us as real people. just this ironclad delusion of unconditional family support#that she frankly has not earned#my brother actually did go visit her in the hospital on thanksgiving. driving 2hrs out of his way to do so#and she was a raging passive aggressive bitch to him and threw the gift he'd brought her back in his face#ma'am i know you're Going Through It but so are the rest of us & frankly you've given me zero reason to want to interact w/ ur caustic ass#plus this is petty but yet another way in which she doesn't listen to me & makes no attempt whatsoever at genuine relationship#i've told her numerous times that responding to groupchat voice memos is hard for me. that i love & miss her#and if she wants to see me or needs help or whatever to please contact me one on one either by call or text#nope. refuses to respond to/initiate individual contact. ONLY traumadumping in the fam chat. TLDR MY MOM IS A DISFUNCTIONAL TOXIC NIGHTMARE.
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🥲 the world really has it out for me rn
#mica rambles#i had an absolutely dreadful week so i wanted to treat myself to a new game to hopefully feel a bit better#only for the money to be taken from my bank account and for steam to tell me that my purchase didnt go through#which means A. im even more broke than before B. i need to call my bank tomorrow and C. no game TvT#i couldve dealt with something like this literally any other time but rn it really feels like the universe is testing me#tbd
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Sky:CotLxVocaloid/Miku collab where you get a new call that plays a little “mi!” sound when you press it normally, but then does a “ku!” sound when you long press it hit post
#sky cotl#hatsune miku#skyblr#thatskygame#sky children of the light#I wish I had editing skills or a decent editing software or an actual miku voice bank#so I could edit that over some cotl footage#also I think if this was a real thing tgc would probably make it an iap. the first call of its kind#boy I sure hope I am not jinxing anything by saying that#talk tag
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I think its very telling of the liberal frame of mind that now that Trump has won again, there are multiple creators on tiktok teaching people how to migrate/leave the country. As if that's an option for everyone?? Like who is that advice for. The vast majority of us cannot afford to pick up and leave, find a residency in another country and jobs that can support ourselves/families, work through the citizenship process, and then get nationalized? It's an expensive process, most countries require either a parent born on the land or that you own land and live there for 5+ years, AND again, expensive as all shit??? Like what are we to do. We literally cant all leave. Many of us know people who wouldn't even be eligible to immigrate elsewhere, since some countries have Actual Health parameters you have to meet to migrate (see Australia not allowing diagnosed autistics to immigrate). Not to mention friends and family members who are immigrants working through the process here in the US still. That's not an option for most people. It's just giving white-liberal, one intersectionality per person vibes. Its stupid, and reductive.
#us election#im so sick and tired of being told every election that its the most important election of our lives#but then as soon as it goes the other way suddenly these same libs are ready to abandon ship#so it clearly wasnt the most important election bc youve always had the option to leave and now are#fuckin hypocrites ill be here suffering through the conditions of whatever this administration brings#and ill still be donating to funds in gaza and to the food banks here and helping my neighbors and serving my community bc im not a COWARD#ill still be making calls on behalf of the Innocence Project and giving my Xmas money to the tribal heritage center where I live#so fuck you entitled libs who have the privilege to just up and leave instead of helping the people around you who dont have that privilege
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Several months late, the landlord finally picked up the dehumidifier from my kitchen
Would've been nice had I been told they were coming though 💀 so I could've cleaned up the grocery bags on the floor that I hadn't put away yet 💀💀💀💀💀
#speculation nation#at least i did do the dishes yesterday so the kitchen is in much better shape than it was before. still not great though.#i wonder if i could put in a complaint lol. like Please dont enter my unit unannounced 😭 that's a violation im pretty sure 😭😭😭#actually i might call them. like Hey. can you guys um..not lol#well. the office is closed now so i cant call them. but i wonder if i should email.#i also wonder if it's even worth the fuss. like if they dont bother me about the state of my apartment then like oh well ykno?#except i very much did have a hospital bank statement out in full view which is kinda personal information lol. lmao even.#... actually yknow what i think i will email. bc like. even if they dont complain. it's kind of embarrassing lol.#had i known they were coming i wouldve done that little bit more before leaving. and i shouldve had the option.#this certainly wasnt an emergency. i should have gotten notice. they conducted a violation of tenants rights.#and YEAH ok people might say i should just keep my apartment clean always regardless of if someone is coming.#and while thatd be nice. get this. im a full time student with adhd and ive been having a HELL of a time lately.#so no i hadnt fully put away my groceries. and i left some empty bags on the floor. bc i didnt think itd matter.#so Yeah im going to email them with a friendly 'hey next time could you guys pls give me 24 hour notice? like it says in the law? thanks :)
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I build a fitsch :D
oh my gosh ANGLERS !!!!! they’re such silly creatures… so demure n mindful . don’t get why people are scared of them they have super cool mechanisms and funny jaws and rhhh… lovely creatures
THIS ALSO REMINDS ME !!! i need to buy that oarfish lego in daiso ong… (my account balance is negative three hundred)
#i remember this guy help up the canteen line for 20 minutes because his card had a negative balance n it was so funny 😭😭#he started calling the bank n shi cus it was apparently a mistake#wrylu#꒰📫꒱₊˚⊹
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Barnes & Noble won't let me make an online purchase 😭
#it's literally under $50 why do I keep getting an ''error we can not commit your order'' message 😭#I probably need to call my bank bc this has happened before I had an order elsewhere that got canceled as soon as I submitted it#bc my bank flagged it as fraud and didn't tell me#didn't even give me the usual ''DID YOU MAKE THIS PURCHASE? SELECT YES OR NO'' message#it's so annoying smh#I just want sea of tranquility and none of this rocks 😭 and OTGW on dvd
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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#Seven’s Public Diary#vent#vent post#cw negative#cw health issues#‘You’re such a heartless and hateful person.’ well have you ever considered that i’m not really a hateful person and i just hate You#like. call me whatever you want to i guess. im definitely selfish and probably heartless but hateful? idk abt that.#i only feel like i hate people that have given me good fucking reason to. sorry i dont have an infinite supply of tolerance & forgiveness??#but im a wee bit fucking stressed so you’ll have to forgive me for being a bitch. well no one Has to forgive me. do whatever you want#‘That 10-day old pasta salad is making me feel sick.’ MF that was made TODAY. IT’S FRESH AND THERE’S NOTHING WRONG WITH IT#if you feel sick how about you look down at the fifteen empty beer cans on the floor next to you and ask them what they think did it#dumbass. whatever man i have bigger problems than your self-induced tummy ache#i feel sick too but i know it’s my fault so i’m not bitching about it. i gave you fresh food while I ate the old stuff to keep from wasting#food. because you act like you’re fucking allergic to leftovers. and yeah it had probably gone off and that’s why I feel sick#but what you ate tonight was fresh as could be so we’re sick for two Very different reasons. and i know how to admit when it’s my fault#everything is my fault. my teeth and gums hurt and that’s My fault for not taking care of them. apparently 3 root canals wasn’t enough#for me to learn my goddamn lesson. i never do. so i’ll have to spend more money on that soon and thats My fault. the dog’s teeth need#cleaning too and that’ll come out of my pocket and i guess that’s My fault for not taking care of him either#i think i have another goddamn UTI and that’s definitely My fault so another $100 trip to urgent care it is i guess!#my Random Nerve Pain has moved to my hands so i can’t use them too much or it fucking hurts and i guess that’s my fault???#my neck pain is back and thats my fault for not clearing my bed off enough to sleep in a comfortable position#my eye keeps twitching and i guess that’s my fault too. i don’t know anymore i just wanna throw in the towel man im so tired#god the UTI tests i wasted money on are arriving tomorrow and if they’re packed in a way that shows what’s inside then i’ll have to explain#That to whoever brings in the mail. great great something else to worry about all night#the living room floor is caving in so now there’s Two room’s floors that need fixing so that’s super fucking fun! 😃#i need to talk to my bank and i need to talk to a tax professional and i need to learn to drive and i need to get an autism diagnosis#well i don’t Need the last one but i want it so bad. but im scared. that i’ll go to all this trouble and they’ll say i don’t qualify#and god it’s NYE now. Besties i’m not gonna get that NMbD NYE fic ready in time. i just can’t make myself write these days. i’m sorry.#i doubt anyone is gonna be That disappointed but I Am. in myself. 3 fucking years now i’ve failed to finish it. w h y. i Want to write but#there’s just too much on me rn. but when is there Not. sigh. idk what i’m gonna do but something needs to change. in my life. soon.
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i can't believe how much this company apparently does not want my money
#this is about marqueetv#my debit card expired this month and they emailed me about it before i went and got a new one#there was actually a mixup w the bank sending me a new one in the mail. they had smth wrong w my address#but i sorted that out w the bank and got a new debit card on friday#so i went to update my payment information and they said that there was something wrong w my card??? call my bank???#reader there is nothing wrong w my card#it's been good enough to make several other large and small purchases since friday#but i was like eh ok anyway i guess i'll try plugging in paypal (after i updated my card on paypal)#wouldnt accept paypal either for completely different reasons??? seemingly???#and i emailed support about it. you know. friday night as i was experiencing this problem#STILL havent heard back from them and their support is apparently available 7 days a week (though not 24 hours a day)#so??? you dont want my money??? is that it you dont want my money?#tales from diana#i got their 3 months for 99 cents fall discount deal#and the month expires on october 3rd#so... if i have to update my payment info after that... will my deal go away??#dunno and that's honestly kinda less important to me#i've enjoyed this month enough that i've thought yeah i could pay 9.99 a month for this#like i like the library they have a lot#if you don't know what marqueetv is it's a lot of plays and operas and documentaries#very focused on the performing arts and 'high culture' but i mainly got them for rsc productions#still there's some other stuff i wanna watch...#well i might not get to once thursday comes#they LITERALLY do not want my money#like. ok#i wanna give you my money
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currently rotting in my bed after work after getting the devastating news that my paycheck got delayed right on rent/bill week
#i am so fucking mad#luckily i was able to call everywhere for payment extensions and partial payments since I had ~400 stored in my bank account#this is throwing off all of my future plans for this month tho >:/#oh well it is what it is#tho this is starting to make me nervous that this'll end up happening again for this upcoming check too#guess i won't be sleeping much the rest of this week lmao
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