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I'm a doctor, not a miracle worker.
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#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wen ning#wei wuxian#wen qing#jiang cheng#Truly Massive disclaimer here: I am a Jiang Cheng enjoyer. I like his character. I enjoy that he is very flawed and volatile.#This episode of the audio drama has a lot of great breakdown scenes featuring JC - and they all deserve a feature.#But underlying this comic is a small meta comment of 'ah man I have too many comics of JC just wailing sadly'#My goal is to draw 6-8 comics per episode - I sometimes have to truncate and cut good scenes out.#Especially when a large majority is just different flavours of trauma and toxic relationships to your self-worth.#I would also like to make a note here that just because you lose the ability to do something that is very tied to your core identity-#-does not mean your life is over. It will feel like the end of the world. It will send you into a spiral of grief. It will hurt so badly.#Sometimes we do not realize how tied up our identities can be in certain things until we are cut loose.#You don't lose yourself. I promise the pain will fade in time. I promise you will find other things to tether you. I promise you will be ok#Life moves forwards. Time moves forwards. You move forwards.#Ego death just means an opportunity for ego rebirth. You are never committed to being the same person forever.#To wrap this around to JC: Yeah I love the twist with the core transfer but man I would have loved to see JC accept the loss.#Obviously it happens for a reason (story) but I can have my AUs. I can have these 'what-ifs'.#described in alt text#I'm trying it out! *please* give me feedback - I want to eventually Add image ID to all of these comics one day
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EDYN TIDESTRIDER, CHALLENGER OF THE UNDERSEA, RIVAL OF THE DEEP. WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOUR BROTHER WAS CHOSEN TO BE A WEAPON OF THE GODS? HOW WILL YOU UNDO WHAT THEY HAVE DONE TO HIM?
#jrwi fanart#jrwi show#jrwi riptide#edyn tidestrider#cw blood#EDYYYNNNN TTIDESTRIDERRR OHH HOW I LOVE HERRRR#THIS IS A PAGE FULLA REEAALLY OLD DOODLES AND REALLY REALLY OLD DOODELS AND NEW DOODLES. ENJOY.#ONLY CLEANED IT UP A BUNCH TTODAY AND IM ACTUALLY SO SO HAPPY W IT WEEEEE#WHAT WAS IT LIKE? DOWN IN THE UNDERSEA. TO VISIT YOUR BROTHER WHENEVER THE ADULTS WOULD LET YOU#A KID WHO DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT WAS GOING ON OR WHY HER BROTHER WAS BEING TAKEN AWAY OR WHY HE KEEPS GETTING HURT#OR WHY THE ADULTS JUST KEEP LETTING IT HAPPEN. ITS FOR THE BEST? FATE OF THE WORLD AND ALL THAT? HEY WHO THE FUCK IS IN CHARGE HERE#HOW DO WE STOP IT. HOW DO I STOP IT. THERES PEOPLE OUT THERE WORKING ON SOMETHING. ARITIFICIAL LEVIATHAN YOU SAY?#WE COULD BUILD A THING TO RIVAL THE GODS. WELL. SIGN ME UP. IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU#WHAT A FASCINATING THING SHE ACTUALLY SAID. 'IM GOING TO UNDO WHAT THEY DID TO YOU' HELLO?? EDYN? WHAT DOES THAT MEAN#WHAT EXACTLY DID THEY DO TO HIM. OTHER THAN THE PROPHECY TRAINING. YOU CAN UNDO THAT? YOU CAN UNDO ALL THAT? HOW?? HELLO???#LIKE SURE I JUST SPOUTED MY THEORIES I THINK SHE WANTS TO KILL GOD BUT THATS JUSTA THEORY... A GA#WHAT IS EDYNS GOAL AND WHY CANT SHE TELL ANYONE OOUUUHHH EDYNNNN CMERE EDYNN CMERRE STOP WALKING AWAY CMERE. COME HERE.#fuuuuuck shes so mysteriousss what is she HIDING!!shes also so so so so angry i fucken know she is. shes so gentle and so sweet and timid#but she is ANGRY and shes SMART and clearly shes AMBITIOUS bc shes TALKING TO THE FUCKING BIG HEAD HONCHO O THE FUCKEN NNAAAVYYYYY#ALSO WHO IS NICHOLAS. IF THATS EVEN HIS REAL NAME. WHO DID YYYOU MEET EDYN. DO YOU HAVE A WISH TO BE GRANTED EDYN???#CHEWING ON THE BARS O MY CELL I NNNNEEEEED TO KNOW MORE ABOUT EDYN IM SO CURIOUS IMG ONNA KILL PEOPLE#i said once in another post 'the oath an eldest sister takes on is on par w that of a paladins-#-and sometimes upheld w the very same ferocity'. I REALLY LIKED THAT LINE.#pleeese... if u can hear me.. pls join me and draw edyn w unbridled plasmatic rage abt the way her brother was treated by the Elders#also pls draw her SCARY. I NEED HER TO BE SSCARY. PLEEASEE I NEED HER TO BE JUST AS VIOLENT AS GILLION BUT INA ICE COLD WAY#JUST AS VIOLENT JUST AS STRONG JUST AS MUCH OF AN AQUATIC MONSTER. im sure u see the vision.#ok i gotta go t bed now i got work in tha morning n i should nnot be stayin up this late. if u hav thoughts abt edyn pls scream abt em#okay byyyyeee goodniiigihhttttt
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"not all men" but not in a men's rights way, in a "it's important to remember that men aren't the only perpetrators of cruelty, abuse, and evil and that subconsciously or consciously training yourself to view men as inherently evil and everyone else as inherently safe inadvertently puts you in a position where you're both vulnerable to attack or harm from people you otherwise wouldn't suspect, AND causes you to limit the number of allies you might have in a time of need" kind of way.
#This is why I worry a lot about young women (teens and twenties) who seek comfort and validation in r//adf//em circles. Many of them have#been hurt through rape or abuse—commonly at the hands of fathers/brothers/uncles or otherwise trusted adults—and have decided that men must#be cruel because both they and their female/female + queer friends have similar stories of abuse. So they seek out others who share this#belief but in doing so they make themselves vulnerable to further abuse and manipulation. I haven't really observed r//adf//em circles long#enough to be able to say what I'm about to say with certainty but I would put money on the idea that being a RF on social media shares the#same hallmarks as being in a cult because the behavior of the adherents is far too similar than that of tradwives or any other modern cult.#Other RF's use the hurt and abuse these young women have experienced and twist and manipulate their truth to foster a sense of#us-against-them cruelty against a population that could in actuality be their fiercest allies. It's such a vicious and relentless cycle.#That's why when I see RF's on here all I feel is pity — both for the cruelty and abuse they've witnessed and suffered but ALSO for the way#they've allowed that abuse to be weaponized against them... many before they were too young to realize it was even happening. We as a#society have got to get better at protecting our young girls and women from r//adf//em ideology. I don't even mean that in a#“destroy the patriarchy” kind of way because that's such a lofty and disorganized goal. I mean it in a “we have to go into uncomfortable#spaces and show these girls love and empathy because right now the only people validating them are people who use their hate and mistrust#against them and if we want to save our young girls and Queer sisters from this pipeline we have to do the dirty work“ kind of way.#But anyway.#jack.txt
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the particular bad guy of this episode, a little apprehensively: the audience wants to see me die?
nate, with more sincerity than anything he's said to anyone in her presence before: like you wouldn't believe
#and he's not wrong#leverage#my favorite#tv shows#watching the stork job and the way that parker instantly goes 'we have to bail' after seeing the kids has me Feeling a Certain Way#bc i think it's partially like. i think she knows the feeling of 'the known sucks but at least it's the known'#how many times was she let down? was her hope that things would get better left to die?#i know she goes to save them all later but maybe at the time she was just thinking... 'don't give them false hope'#her insistent use of the phrase 'we can't save them' is just. augh. parker bb no#and eliot saying to sophie 'he's right' re nate's sticking to the plan of saving one vs trying to save all of them on the fly is smarter...#just ouch. reminds me of the fishing job where eliot's goal is 'GET HARDISON OUT' and the very clear reluctance with which he tells hardiso#'yeah. i have an idea what they're gonna do. it's gonna be bad. are people gonna die? probably'#bc he doesn't want that! he doesn't want to leave people in the lurch! but GET HARDISON OUT takes precedent for him#and he's doing the same thing here. GET LUKA OUT is taking precedent. he doesn't like it any more than sophie does#i just. ghenghnehganf. i have a lot of Thoughts and Feelings about eliot's priorities and how they intersect with his job as the hitter#he's the physical guy. he has to be not just realistic he has to be the pessimist bc if he doesn't plan well enough? he friggin dies man#eliot's always thinking of 'what can a human being survive' bc AS THE HITTER that's HIS weakest point#GHENFGHENFGGHGHEWLAFHGGLRHGI#i have normal feelings of normal intensity about eliot spencer#and parker for that matter! very normal#eliot spencer#parker#you pierce my soul#personal#abbie needs a twitter
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been really into dead games lately
#p4au#persona 4 arena ultimax#persona 4 arena#persona 4#sho minazuki#labrys#labrys persona#persona#fighting games#been playing someone and he keeps beating my fucking ass w sho. so this is also self indulgent#i wanted 2 do more w this but its just been sitting finished like this forweeks andim not gonna do anything else w it so. puts it here.#i went thru all the trouble of lining it anyways so why not sob emoji#but i actually love these characters so much#labrys worlds first robot from boston i love youuuuuuu#and sho and labby they. holds their dynamic up to the light and rotates it like we are the same and we shattered the same just glued oursel#selves back together differently... but traumabond of having been thru the same fucked up lab shit#sigh#care for eachother in some weird way they empathize..but also not gonna let either stop their goals.#epitome of i wish we could have met under different circumstances :(
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i may be stupid
#(but im not sure)#a doodley#i am not going to lie to you guys i am insanely scared of anti depressants. and adjacent medication.#first of all like ive said i dont think i need them#im doing way better than last yr(s) despite being in the same circumstances. i did in fact will my brain to get it together.#i told my doctor i think my issues are a result of my environment and that is what i think it is.#i dont think meds cld help change my innate personality flaws#second of all sorry but my ****** is all i have i cant risk losing it to the side effects#idk! like. idk. you guys really dont get it it really is just laziness for me#since i was a kid i just didnt have Goals and its continued to my detriment#i was also raised to doubt all my decisions so here we are#im sure my friends think im lazy bc what ive described to them IS laziness#im like the only person i know without hashtag goals and life motivation...and all my friends have mental health stuff too#so its not that...! its personality. its laziness#its literally like the ''my son is 35 and refuses to get a job and does nothing all day'' reddit posts#with ''he's not depressed he's lazy you should just kick him out and refuse to keep providing for him'' comments and all
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Well, I took a plunge and investment into a personal trainer today for the next 90 days upfront. Nervous but excited!
#i did meet her on her insta page BUT she focuses on queer women's fitness#and we had a zoom meeting and honestly i love the program#it's very personalized and she really liked my vibe w wanting to better myself while i keep working on my doctorate#ive lost 33lbs on my own w diet changes but i have abig goal to achieve beyond the next 12lbs#and i also want to Look like i work out#so we'll see how it goes#im a little bit like damn thats a bit of pocket change but at the same time#30 / day w all the instruction and support is really worth it for me#personal#fitness#weight loss mention#anyway i need a nap bc my period said it is Sleepy time#im also waiting on a parcel for my new keyboard to arrive#so im just sat here like PAKIDGE???????????
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Bonus:
2.22 (46) / 2.24 (48) / 2.25 (49) / 2.35 (59) / 2.39 (63)
#like servant like sultana huh? but this time it's *Mahidevran* who apparently mirrors Gülşah as we see her rule later. both got these#positions so unexpectedly - it should've probably been someone else but it's them and they're *thrilled* as they can finally achieve what#they've always wanted through these promotions: to command power over these so despised people that have disrespected them; that they've#been embarrassed by; that have even taken their most cherished away; for Gülşah it's something more general/all-encompassing opposed by#many people while for Mahidevran it's something more specific opposed by a single person but both *feel* that same drive to seek#accountability and justice to the point of enacting revenge anyway. they both ultimately get carried away by that pull. they both operate#by letting people know they're in charge through pulling rank as an absolute lecturing that precise tradition and order that puts them#above brazenly issuing orders to discredit and/or outright punish those who've offended them: it's one person Mahi/Gülşah have a particular#beef with during their rules (Daye/Hürrem respectively) but Gülşah didn't show any resentment of Daye until that point thus Daye is more#the cumulative power Gülşah is starting to lord above while Hü is that exact hurt for Mahi bringing it all back to the general vs. personal#there're other notable differences here like in their speeches about order/tradition because quite a part of Mahi actually believes in#the good these traditions can bring and their necessity as much as she resents their restrictive ruthlessness but Gülşah doesn't believe in#any tradition really she just mirrors what she's seen and known her entire life using it just for her goals no more no less;#for Gülşah all will be okay only when they do what she says because she's so understandably insecure about her authority over *everyone*#while for Mahi all will be fine only when the order is kept in general including there being no unrest among the concubines#(hence peace; another pre-Manisa to post-Manisa transitional point perhaps?); they both want 2 certain ağas to “understand” but while they#say they do without much/any question for Mahi no matter how much they dislike it they are almost forced to by Gülşah and they don't hide#not their dislike but *disregard*; even Gülşah's short rule is telling of her position: SS dismissing her is completely out of her control#she's removed before even doing all that much - another symbolic reminder of how little agency she has - while SS dismissed Mahi because#she truly screwed up a lot in spite of her being framed this is the one time she was given *all* the agency; they both encounter the person#they're replaced with but with Gülşah it happens immediately to highlight the out-of-reach suddenness while with Mahi it happens afterwards#as a result almost. I included the bonus parallels because while Mahi didn't rule the harem then it was almost a set-up for that with a S2B#bent to it while Gülşah as treasurer highlights that this is indeed a harem within the harem; it's Mustafa's harem now as a preparation for#Manisa while also being a culmination of Gülşah's own arc (I kind of like that in spite of their relations being brought back to normal#Gülşah still doesn't have that many scenes with Mahi or in general compared to S01; it adds to this little rule's culminative feel)#also Mahi looking carefully through the concubines to truly pick who she thinks is best while Gülşah is just ecstatic to make calls at all!#magnificent century#muhteşem yüzyıl#mahidevran sultan#gulsah hatun
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The thing about preshow questions is I really can't be mad at obvious repeat questions (ex. watering the plants) because for sure there may be more casual fans there and those make sense as a funny question to ask by someone who's not as closely following the fandom, and I can't be mad at the people who always ask the like "what's your favorite thing about this city/the tour/etc." kind of questions because while I know they'll be annoying and just say "hehe all of you and this moment right now" other people wouldn't know that and they'd theoretically be good questions on their own. however. the people who are trying so aggressively hard to be funny. even more so when it's clear they have been following previous shows (ex. the will you wear wigs askers). THAT drives me up the fucking wall.
#like as much as i do have the goal to help limit repeat questions i try not to be like some of the people who get super pissed#about repeats and try to police what people can ask because that accomplishes nothing but making people feel shitty#but god. there is a certain point#and tbf i just have always had a hard time with interactive dnp content with phannies trying to be funny#like a lot of those moments in the stereos make me cringe#and i think that's just a me thing that even people i would probably find funny in general i have a hard time with in those contexts#but like. there are so many questions out there that would result in a more interesting response than the same stock#'oh my god our fans are so weird haha' response that a lot of those ~funny~ questions get#and i wish we would strive for a little more here
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i actually have a hard time understanding childe's character and is mostly because of other people's takes + im like so scared of mischaracterizing him
#like when ppl where saying he doesnt kill and people were calling that mischaracterisation#and then they turned around and called him a sociopath who doesnt care about others (sooo not true its painful)#its not that its a middle ground- both versions are just. not him#i think childe kills not because he's some homicidal maniac but because its his duty to the tsaritsa#and while he does not do it on text from my pov is like heavily implied? yk? her majestys weapon?? feared in battle?#but the word duty is important#i think childe wants to be good- more than anything#he wants to be a good brother and a good son and a good comrade#and being a harbinger is what has allowed him to do so#being her majesty's weapon is both a prision and liberty for him#he can take care of his family. he can find strong opponents. he can gain strength.#he cant make meaningful connections with others. he cant always do the work he wants to do. he cant (always) be the good guy#last part is the most important to me. its clear during liyue he didn't enjoy putting innocents at risk#but he does so anyway- out of duty#and here is My Interpretation: childe knows his position and knows it will force him to hurt others#which he doesnt enjoy#and to cope with that he seems to have convinced himself that if he only hurts those who are bad then it means he himself is not bad#for childe that is enough. except we know it isnt#the fatui is a deeply unethical organization- even if their goals are pure their means arent and we know that#childe thinks that separating himself from his coworkers and just trying to hurt those who he (or the fatui) deems as bad is enough#but it isnt enough ! because he still is contributing to said organization- he is by extenction enabling their unethical actions#he isnt good#and thats what i love about him#him not killing wouldnt make sense because then what is his internal struggle? why is then that the older members of his family hold +#so much contempt for him#if he were just a silly malewife who just likes to battle - why would his father have sent him to the fatui in the first place#along the same vein him enjoying killing and finding no issue with it wouldnt make sense either#because again then where is the conflict- by several voicelines is clear childe doesnt care much about himself / has a low self esteem#childe knows whats right and whats wrong and he knows that what he is and what he does isnt right#yet he still does it. out of naivety or (and i like this answer more) duty
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imagine thinking that trans men are inherently bad or evil or predatory on the basis of gendered privilege and societal power structures. cringe
#transmasc discourse#like the idea that trans men gain male privilege and kick down the ladder to beat on the queer community is astonishingly stupid at best#the idea that transphobia or queerphobia as a whole doesn't affect them because they're Assimilating With The Oppressors is like#man fucking what is up with people yknow#gender essentialism is fucked up and it's the same force that's beaten down on bi ace and transfem people#the fact that this has turned into 'trans rights but only for the women' by some dumb-fuck shitstains is awful#no. trans rights for all.#like let me explain what I mean here: trans men aren't seen as men by transphobes#it's not 'oh you're a fella? crack a cold beer and let's bash some gays'. passing as a man has just as much risk to it as passing as a woman#because a man who will attack a trans woman as someone who is not a woman will most likely attack a trans man he does not see as a man#with the same violence he might level against a cis woman#that's just on the masc side. i can't speak for any violence against trans men by cis women but I can see how cis women discredit trans men#by claiming them as Lost Lesbians and Sisters In Arms who've been lost due to the Trans Agenda#like people shit on bi people because they have 'passing privilege'. but we know that bi people face homophobia#and other issues about their orientation. the idea that trans men get their Boys Will Be Boys card is to focus on a tiny selection#that *potentially* has the power to he a shithead - like a queerphobic asexual person or a malicious bi person#and paint an entire group of diverse people as literally the worst interpretation you can imagine about them#like consider that you have your own issues and/or biases in regards to people you like and want to hang out with#and stop calling entire groups of people invaders and oppressors whose entire goal is to upend the community#and turn the power of queer people against them#i understand how it feels to feel powerless and to have somewhere where you feel supported and safe#but if you're going to see pain and hate in every group who shares your experience but gives you an ick for whatever reason#there's a solid chance that the Righteous Crusade against them is - in fact - your own personal dislike wielding a modicum of power#that essentially functions the same way that hetero- and cis-normative standards and people have rejected you.#it is essentially you becoming the bully. and just like bi and ace and transfem people before I won't stand for it#trans men are my people.
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Me starting another bg3 run where I will make virtually all the same decisions in mostly the same order as if there isn't different branching paths
#the horrifying idea of things going differently if i choose something different#my ass sitting here wanting other content for it as if i'm not actively refusing to make the choices to get other content#i've still only romanced astarion bro#i had my og. the EXACT copy of my og but durge this time.#began a karlach run to romance wyll and am still in early act 1 so nothing will happen for a long ass time#and i left that because i missed my paladin. the party feels incomplete without them bro#started a rogue/fighter run of one of my ocs retrofitted into the game.#but also am incapable of staying true to the character cause i'll miss stuff if i do and i need to do EVERYTHING explore EVERYWHERE#nearly couldn't get over the hurdle of having no strength and no speak with animals (so karlach and wyll gotta speak to critters)#then just started a sorcerer to try to really push myself to branch out. but all it did was reaffirm that being a spell caster sucks#no jump cause no strength no health no armour no decent melee. like motherfucker pick a struggle#luckily that oc is into music so sorcerer-bard here we come#but every single one of these bitches is good aligned#(and anything i SHOULD do different i don't cause there's still different varoeties of good but alas)#still haven't romanced another party member (but that's not ENTIRELY my fault!!!!)#my og/og durge was the same person i couldn't just romance someone else. they got with astarion i don't make the rules#karlach WILL romance wyll if i ever get farther in#my rogue/fighter oc is heading the baldur's gate for his boyfriend and they have an open relationship so he COULD fuck other people#alas he would never due to his own issues#BUT THIS WILL CHANGE#my sorcerer/bard (who is the boyfriend of the rogue. just imagining the plot as if he was on the adventure or rogue was in baldur's gate)#and he WOULD fuck other people no strings attached#so my goal is to fuck all potentially non-monogamous party members#so lae'zel shadowheart astarion#wyll is a slow burn so that's emotional depth we wouldn't put in#gale is king or monogamy (plus him and this character together would make the rogur pass the fuck out)#karlach is complicated because of the no touch thing? hard to say how much emotional depth ends up required there#meanwhile shadowheart has mentioned she does no strings attached hook-ups#lae'zel propositions you ten seconds in for a good tumble#and from romancing astarion i know fucking the first time seems like it'll just be casual hook up time and i needn't go further
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tagging hayden’s photos with ed tags is extremely irresponsible. stop it.
#evidence of life#ethel cain#what the hell you guys#tagging anyone w/ such is ofc but this is what i mostly see as a smth smth horror religious regional gothic literature lifestyle girlblogger#like i’ve had up to here with some of y’all#there’s also a certain style of blogging that seems to go with these accounts so i have to ask#who are you performing for? what are you trying to emulate? what is /your/ personality? who /are/ you?#like no offence you’ll never be an it girl if your goals are to be carbon copies of your perception of it girls sorry to say but it’s true#y’all make me want do that charm school idea that had years for similar reasons#like y’all wack let me teach you some etiquette and inspire you to have your own signature#we cannot progress with all the same parts mary#tempted to tag ethel cain core n preacher’s daughter bc those are the tags that i’ve have beef with since about late fall 2022#that’s when the daughters of cain had a huge shift i feel i have several hypotheses about why and no i’m not going to completely blame ty#TT*** ughhh it’s more about expectations of musicians n fan culture when most are familiar with industry baby performers#maybe if someone gives me likeeee $10 or $20 dollars i’ll post my essay lite posts (girlblogger opinion and analysis time like i intended)#at least i’m still posting SL related stuff and the motif tags but yk ://// i’ll regain the confidence i know it#like your mum suck me good in my jorts fr#edit: lost some followers after posting this lol this is what did it or was it my tags looks like i’ve got to do another bitchfest either wa
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Just wrote my "reflections on this year" post and it's a 5 paragraphs long essay, so I'm not posting all that
#yeah this one can stay in the notes app on my phone instead i think. so here we go. short and more laid back version now#i have many thoughts and feelings but the main point is#that suprisingly being at your worst doesn't have to mean not being able to achieve any great things#however achieving great things also doesn't have to mean finally feeling great. it might mean feeling weird and empty for no reason instead#so yes i'm proud of how much i've grown this year. and that i also did anything at all that's an achievement in itself#in a way it's incomprehensible to me still. that yes i can do many things. however it's also okay if i can't do other things#there's no easy solution or easy explanation to any problem but THIS MUCH i do know now:#that if you want to do a thing and it terrifies you you have to do it 1000 times and it will suck and feel awful each time#but eventually it will no longer be much of a big deal at all. and there's no workarounds with this#you have to make that first step or it will never get easier and will always feel like the unachievable thing that only others get to enjoy#and also that there's no end goal after which you can finally enjoy life as it is or be happy with who you are#i guess the realization that it was okay to be who i am all along and i didn't have to make up for it in some way#was the biggest shock of them all. it will take a long while to really bring this mindset into life but you know. we can get there#and here it is. the same essay but only a bit shorter and in the form of tags now#weirdest year ever both the best and the absolute fucking worst. but there were many things to be happy about and feel grateful for still#so. happy new year! thank you everyone for the support this year and i hope we can all finally catch a break in 2025. it's about time#goosepost
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recent things
#With the heatwave combined with being ill for like an entire week it seems I've lost like 16 days this month#where I basically did barely anything... grrr.... The passage of time... My Enemy...#Now that I can finally hold down food and stuff I'm feeling a little better mostly and my sickness has probably passed. But I still#feel weird a little bit like.. some lingering weakness or something. I think I'm just already having so many Problems at all times even in#my 'Normal' state that whenever I get sick or something my whole system is thrown off for a while lol#I'm supposed to be writing like 2000 words a day still ghbjhb... I've had multiple days of maybe 1000 - 1500. And a lot of days#where I write maybe 20 - 300. I've still been chipping away at the same single quest dialogue for all 20 something#days this month so.. AUGH.. Though that also counts the 16 days I did nearly nothing but be sick and overheated#I finally edited that whole big sims video I wanted to post!!! but now there's an issue with it ... T o T#My fault for still almost exclusively using windows movie maker in 2024 lol.. but HHHHhh.. It's like every once in a while randomly#a fully edited video will not be able to be exported. so evil for this to happen to my first sims build tour in a while. but alas..#ANYWAY... I have been slowly working on little things here and there.. in my little scraps of time.. Wishing to be fully productive at#some point. Maybe I can finally finish and post some things soon. like costume photos or sims videos and etc.#BUT HEY.. that solitaire thing is crazy to me.. I don't think I've ever finished a challenge in under 20 seconds#before. huzzah.. tripeaks squad.. OH.. and an image of#curly tail boye.............. he..... I took him to the vet for a check up and he seems surprisingly okay for a 16 year old. except he has#a mild thyroid issue or something so I'll have to give him medicine. But every time he goes in I'm always expecting them to be like#Sorry. Your Son Is Truly Doomed. or etc. so I'm always shocked when he's fine... a strange boy with many strange behaviors#so I can never tell if he's just Being Weird or if he's sick or soemthing ghjbjh#Also the bad thing about never ending summer heat is that when it IS finally cool for a few days. I don't want to do ANYTHING. It's like wh#n it's hot I feel too sick to do anything. And then when it's cooler I'm like 'OUU the first cool day in WEEKS.. i want to just relax and#fully ENJOY the coolness..'' So it's always constant warfare with my body like.. NO ..we cannot SLEEP. We must utilize this small patch#of Non Heatwave to finally be productive and finish things while we don't feel sick. But then it's like ''ohoho...to lay in the cold air of#the morning restfully.. i shall have a little nap with a blanket on for once.. perhaps.. tee hee'' Always at war with the Tired Sleepy#it seems. AAAANyway...... grr............ slowly finishing things. still usually missing my target writing goals..#Hopefully will have some actual art or costumes or something to post soon. Fumbling through the summer weather as usual lol
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I'm literally itching to draw something for arcane s2 but I'm completely buried under university stuff, man I wish we had 14 days a week 😭
#I have two translations due tomorrow#one due Thursday#and a very big lit translation project by the end of next week#I'm also helping my little brother with a biiiig project like a conference speech!!!#which is a very good thing btw like rn that's my number one priority I'm so so fucking proud of them aaaaa#but yeah with everything going on now I don't think I can squeeze in some art for a week or so#it's alright the ideas and motivation will wait for me!! (self reassurance)#shrews ramblings#I will now be rambling about arcane s2 a bit so don't read further if you wanna avoid spoilers#there's so much to unpack what the hell 😭😭😭#I'm holding the caitvi kiss scene sososo close to my heart <3#ignoring the breakup that happened in the same episode fhskdhjshdjdh#also cult leader Viktor yay??#I have so many thoughts on that one#the fact that unlike in league here he didn't do that to himself#it was Jayce#fucks me up so bad#especially with the 'I should've died'#I cannot take this guys#can we just talk abt how Mel is the only one person there still mostly stable and clear minded set on good goals?#and she got kidnapped?#we're so cooked#I'm obsessed with the soundtrack btw#heavy is the crown lives in my head rent-free#anyway#if I do sketch some stuff be prepared for it hehe
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