#we are having a panic attack
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That is actually so much fun, you are doing poetry right there. Just because it's more usual in poetry to use commas in random places and alter the order of the words but also, you can do that in narrative?
I use it because I love words and putting a comma here makes this adjective not be of this subject so you have to know that it is for the other and gives a new taste to the phrase. Or when you read it you have to make pauses here and here and also here so you know that the character is having a panic attack.
Also, I have been writing in the same phrase for over a minute my sibling in Christ you need to BREATHE. NOW.
okay, yes, I know that comma isn't supposed to be there but I want the reader to take a breath! I want a pause! Stop trying to correct me, I'm trying to control the flow of reading
#lil something#writing is so fun#i can make you breath every two words because there is a comma >:)#and now you know#we are having a panic attack#or the weird point after every word to make more impact
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I feel like if you're using a lot of disposable plastic bags in your day to day life, you've gotta do something sustainable to make up for it. Like using bamboo toilet paper or eco friendly cat litter or something, yknow
Honestly I exaggerate for comedic effect, while I DO routinely use ziplock bags to hold spaghetti I cook maybe once a month and the bag itself is usually for freezer storage. I actually throw out maybe one bag a week? I DO hate washing plates and tupperware and junk but that usually just means I eat sandwiches without a plate.
I agree though that needless waste should be avoided, and I do avoid it- biodegradable bags and recyclables, empty butter tubs used to store leftovers, etc.
This said, though, not applicable necessarily for myself but for a lot of others- I feel that it's importat to remember that there are many people who legitimately NEED things like plastic straws, or catheters, or pre-packaged foods
And the idea that that's a moral failing that individuals need to personally make up for when a single billionaire blows out more CO2 in a long weekend than I will in my whole life on a superjet meet-cute in the Bolivian rainforest between humvee drag races funded by the river-polluting textiles plants they planted in a third world country to avoid EPA laws and give an entire village stillbirths and stomach cancer is an idea that those very same bigwigs have spent a LOT of time and money investing in planting in the public psyche.
Like- Glass bottles are infinitely recyclable, so why are so many drinks in plastic now? Loads of drinks manufacturers used to buy them back and clean them for re-use, so why did they stop? If they chose to make something out of a limited and environmentally irresponsible material, why is it my failing to track down a correct process of disposal for them? What if there are none in my area? Do I lobby for more recycling plants in my area? Do I set aside some of my limited time outside the pain factory of my job- which I have more than one of, thanks to rising costs of things just like that drink I just emptied- to properly dispose of this company's waste FOR them?
Say coca-cola just rolled up to your town and started dumping millions of empty plastic bottles in the street, going, "wow, you should really think about building and staffing a recycling depot, it would be really shameful of you to just put these in the trash." When companies purposefully use materials with limited lifespans- because yes, even plastic can only be reused so many times- and tell you it's your own fault if it harms the environment- that's essentially what they're doing, just with more steps.
Yes, its important to be as environmentally concious as we can in our day to day life, but responsible sustainability is not catholicism. We don't get good boy points from our lord and savior Captain Planet every time the average low-income household gathers together to hold hands and repent for a single-use plastic that allows them to access something they need.
Entire families could eat trees and shit dead lithium batteries for years and still not do as much damage to the planet as an average dye plant or braindead celebrity does in a week just for fun, and I'm mad about it
...this went on longer than intended.
TL/DR: DO recycle and minimize waste, but don't beat yourself up over the little waste you can't avoid, and follow the money.
EDIT: Part 2
#I swear to god if any one of you in the notes calls me terminally online or pretends I'm saying you can just dump bags in the ocean#Yes definitely do your best to live sustainably#But also#You personally are not killing pandas#Unless you are in which case please stop#We put too much money into pandas but let them go in peace#Go do some yoga#Sorry if this is a lot but I have a friend with OCD who has legit panic attacks over stuff like this#Like they have to throw out a ripped plastic grocery bag they've had for six years instead of using it to weave yard furniture or smthn#And they'd go into a spiral about killing the planet#So like#I have strong feelings now
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Journalists in gaza are posting their last message.
What are we waiting for, what have we allowed to happen?
Ismail and motaz are the same journalists in this video by the way. They're people who always find light in the dark. Praying for them and all Palestinians.
#my god my god#i am not in Palestine but i am hurting for my country and I'm tired for my people how do they feel? when they're right there#ismail jood shared this#can't stop thinking of his son#i am full on having a panic attack#but we can't let despair one#we will be their voices#please don't tire and don't stop!#from the river to the sea palestine will be free#palestine#gaza#israel#important#current events#free palestine#ethnic cleansing#free gaza#gaza strip#gaza under attack#journalist#journaling#journalism#we are not numbers
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Was it casual when I made the margins of your list of rules I didn’t agree with wider because I knew you write in the margins? Was it casual when I bought you a multiple-hundred dollar customized chef coat because you mentioned that you thought mine looked cool? Was it casual when our coworker started wearing the assigned uniform and I said she was ‘dressed like you’ even though everyone else also wore the uniform? Was it casual when I waited all night after the soft open of our restaurant to bring you coffee after you ignored me for weeks and got yourself locked in the fridge?
#WAS IT CASUAL WHEN I WAS HAVING A PANIC ATTACK AND THE ONLY THING THAT CALMED ME DOWN WAS PICTURING YOUR FACE?#thinking about them#the margins…..#she didnt like the non-negotiables but not only did she print them all out for him she MADE THE MARGINS WIDER because he writes in them….#should we all just kill ourselves?#sydcarmy#the bear#the bear fx#sydney adamu#carmy berzatto#sydney x carmy
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I know this is ostensibly a gag scene poking fun at Kakashi's humiliation at being asked to read his smut out loud for The Mission, but CONSIDER:
Catastrophically burdened by the notion that his affection is a lethal curse upon its subjects, this poor man has heretofore never once said "I love you" aloud in his 30 years of perpetually heartbroken life.
#carly's naruto shower thoughts#this is a wholeass panic attack#I'm watching naruto for the first time#kakashi#naruto#like if we were trying to embarrass him the important code words could have been egregiously smutty#but they went with I REALLY LOVE YOU
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Traumatized people are often advised to 'keep it under control' and 'find a way to contain it', and I always felt it was a fault of mine, if I freak out, or panic, or have an anxiety attack, or can't stop shaking or shivering. Now that I no longer have extreme bouts of panic, I'm starting to understand how much fear, panic and pain I contain within myself every day.
If I'm in a place that makes me anxious, I stay still, I do nothing. If I'm panicking, I will modify my behavior to the point where nobody around me will be able to see and realize that I'm panicking, I will seem happy, and pleasing. If I'm experiencing intense rage or frustration, I will shut down and won't respond or interact with anyone until I figure out what is a reasonable and logical thing to do. I am containing everything, constantly. And it's only a part of what I've been containing and keeping under control, I used to contain terror every day. I am used to circumstances where I had to act normal under threat of violence, threat to my life, every single day. I had to walk around like nothing is wrong while I was dissociating so heavily I couldn't tell if the world was even real. I was blaming myself if there was a momentary lapse of control, if the panic I was containing for months leaked out of me a little. The thought of not being able to keep it down terrified me.
I blamed myself for not being able to keep mountains of fear, grief, anger and panic under a guise, which a human being is not supposed to do. Our reactions of fear, panic and rage are there in order to point out that something is deeply wrong, that we're unsafe, that our circumstances need to change and we need safety, now. Keeping that shit contained and controlled is trying to bypass human instincts, fighting against human nature, and I did that, we all did that, because it was the only thing we were ever told to do with it. We'd be punished for anything else, threatened for any other kind of response that isn't containing and keeping it down.
And now when keeping it down is no longer humanely possible, because we did it for so long we wore our entire spirits down, now we get told we need to do more of it? More of pretense that things are fine, more of guilt and shame for not managing to be a closed human container of panic and pain? We were never supposed to keep that much in. Keeping all that inside and learning to control myself taught me to be what I am right now, keeping any inconvenient emotion down only so I could break down in private, or try to keep it down indefinitely, because I don't know any other way to live anymore. Fighting against my own instincts and fawning at others is just who I am now, and it's not who I'm supposed to be. Panic is supposed to be loud and alarming, pain is supposed to be heard, people are supposed to react with offering safety and change of circumstances that led to this. Not telling the scared, pained and panicked people to 'keep it down'.
#cptsd#ptsd#trauma#panic attacks#containing panic#containing anxiety#victim shaming#abusers never get told to keep their violence and abuse under control#only we have to keep our reactions contained
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Steve and Gareth as Cousins, no longer a warm-up and now called Lifelines, part three! I’ll throw it up on A03 when I finish the fourth part.
Prior parts can be read here: Part One / Part Two
First things first, the most amazing @ sereinpetrichor managed to track down the OG Twitter thread this runaway train is based off of!
It was this thread by @gatorthots, the Tumblr version of which can be read, here. All blame for this idea firmly rests on their brilliant, plot bunny inducing shoulders.
The other, follow up thread I mentioned was this one by Silas, whose tumblr name I do not know.
As always and forever, shout out to the most amazing @chalkysgarbagefire who helps me edit/plot/pats my head while I’m crying in their inbox bc the words aren’t wording right.
Warnings: Steve and Robin are canon (S3) drugged. I took a slightly (kinda sorta) more realistic approach. Vomit mention, canon threat of violence/guns (the Russian guards) Mention of pantsing/past bullying, Steve and Robin’s drugged asses not understanding personal space, Dustin’s canon...Im gonna go with assholishness? but like, I think its more than he’s a young kid and doesn't quite have the emotional growth/awareness yet in this kind of insane situation to know how to react to the whole address/torture bit (really who does)/its a defense mechanism--and Gareth sort of has a panic attack.
Whatever the hell they had been drugged with, Steve and Robin went from 'giggly happy fun time' to 'vomiting into toilet bowls while loudly wishing for death’ awfully fast.
Gareth was not an expert on drugs. He knew Eddie wasn't either (the guy never dealt anything stronger than your average psychedelic--had some agreement with his Uncle about only selling "the 70s basics") and repeated looks towards him proved Eddie was still trying to figure out what Steve and Robin were on.
Answers hadn't exactly been forthcoming--Eddie's gently made attempts at ferreting out information had only caused more confusion.
Like why the two of them were so freaked out about a gate, or what had made Robin gasp, and then laugh so hard she cried when Steve had made a particularly rough noise then muttered; "Even that sounds better than Tammy Thompson."
Either way, Gareth was mostly trying to figure out what the hell they were going to do, because sobering up in a busy, public mall wasn't exactly the best idea.
"I regret," Robin tried to say, in-between gagging. "I regret--hrk--"
"Me too." Steve moaned, head resting against the stall wall. Gareth, still caught up in panic, had been permanently regulated to door guard while Eddie alternated between sweet talking, rubbing backs and offering quietly whispered advice.
"Let's go back in time and ignore the whole silver cat thing." Robin continued, slumping back down onto the floor.
"Wouldn't have mattered." Steve muttered. "Dustin would have figured it out without us. Kid’s too damn smart."
"So?" Robin grumbled, quietly thanking Eddie as he once again brushed her hair out of her face.
"So he would have gone down there anyway, which means I'd be down there anyway." Steve concluded. "We shouldn't have gotten you involved though."
He shakily pushed himself up, staggering to his feet and looking like bambi on ice while doing it.
Eddie quickly came round to offer his help, hands spread as Steve groaned out a curse and clutched his head.
The older took a step forward right as Steve lurched back, unbalanced and shaky.
"Oh shit." He said, eyes wide as he crashed backwards into Eddie, the latter catching him with a grunt.
Despite the entire situation, Gareth found himself stifling a laugh as Eddie wrapped his noodle arms around Steve's chest, trying to hold the other up without falling himself.
"Come on big boy, why don't we just siiiit back down." Eddie said, slightly breathless as he helped guide Steve back to the floor. "There we go…"
They did so outside the bathroom stall, Eddie sinking into a kneel as Steve sort of flopped down on top of him.
Blinked a few times, like the drop had rattled what little sense he’d managed to recover in the last few minutes.
A pleased noise came out of his cousin's throat, and holy shit was Gareth going to have blackmail for life, because rather than vacate Eddie's lap, Steve just turned around in it.
Reached up with one finger outstretched and proved himself to be very much still under the influence as he touched Eddie's nose.
"Boop!" He said, and then giggled as Eddie dropped onto his ass in surprise.
Gareth watched Robin as she took the whole thing in, from Steve's snickers to Eddie's shocked expression, eyes growing wide in excitement.
He failed entirely to cover his own amusement when Eddie abruptly found himself with two sailors invading his personal space, each taking turns to boop his nose.
“Uh.” He managed to get out, blinking rapidly and at a loss for words. “Ah.”
Steve caught the metalhead’s awkward, red-faced expression and proceeded to drop his head to Eddie's shoulder, muffling his laughter against the man's vest.
The helpless look his best friend sent him was one Gareth would remember for a long time.
“O-kay.” Eddie said, frazzled, as Steve recovered far too quickly, turning to rest his cheek against a slim shoulder as he walked two fingers up Eddie’s battle vest and towards his hair. Likewise, Robin had discovered Eddie’s wallet chain, and had begun fiddling with it.
One finger curled around a strand of brown hair and Eddie jerked his head, removing the tempting piece away from Steve’s hands.
“I know you’re used to getting whatever you want, your highness.” He said, his own hand smacking against his waist before Robin figured out the other end of his chain ended in a handcuff, “But you of all people should know the hair is off limits.”
Completely undeterred, Steve just gave him a loose, easy grin. “It’s so pretty though.” He complained, fluttering his eyelashes in a blatant attempt to try and turn on the ol’ Harrington charm. “You can touch mine if you want.”
Yeah, Gareth’s blackmail was getting better by the second.
He might even get a new piece for his drum kit out of it, if this kept up.
Free weed too, considering Eddie’s blush was now fire-engine red.
“Man,” Eddie said in a clear bid to deflect the entire situation (and Steve’s fingers) away from his hair, “the last time someone called me pretty was right before I got pantsed—-is Tommy H hiding in one of the stalls again?”
Steve picked his head up, confusion crashing down his face.
“Did he do that?” He asked.
Then, with growing horror; “Do you think I’d do that?”
Eddie raised an eyebrow. “Isn’t that your whole little court’s M.O.?”
Steve sucked in a breath, looking downright hurt. "I wouldn’t do that." He insisted, eyes wheeling from Eddie to Gareth and back, as though hoping Gareth would back him up.
“I’m not--I’m not friends with Tommy anymore.” Steve continued, voice growing smaller as he spoke. “I’m not friends with anybody anymore, except maybe Dustin.”
It sounded so defeated; trodden on and subdued that Gareth stepped forward automatically, to do--something.
Provide the fucking comfort his cousin was oft denied and hug the guy.
As always, it turned out to be the wrong move.
"Oh thank god." A kid said, seconds after bulldozing through the main door and nearly bowling Gareth over in the process. "I found them!" He shouted over his shoulder as swept into the room.
“Speak of the devil.” Steve said flatly, and even drugged, he managed to pull himself back together from distressed to stoic in mere seconds.
The curly-haired kid--Dustin apparently--stormed right up to the pile of humans splayed on the floor, hands on his hips. "What the hell. We told you two to stay put!"
Steve rolled his eyes as Robin booed him.
“Have you forgotten what’s happening? Or how we’re kinda in a Red Dawn situation?” Dustin continued, looking like he’d just escaped from a summer camp.
The kid even had a walkie talkie clutched in one hand, of all things.
“We know.” Steve and Robin deadpanned at once, before looking at each other; Steve pointing a finger towards Robin and Robin pointing one back.
This caused the kids to trade their own long suffering, “can you believe this shit” faces.
"We need to go, and the only way we’re gonna get out of here unnoticed is if we blend in with the crowd." Dustin said impatiently. “Now come on Steve, get up already, you've had worse.”
"I really don't think I have." Steve muttered, but moved to push himself to his feet anyway.
Eddie beat him to it, and he and Gareth both hovered nearby in case Steve was still unsteady.
Thankfully, the kids' presence seemed to sober up Robin and Steve both.
Not actually sober, that wasn't how drugs worked, but whatever was left of the fun was sucked right out of the bathroom, replaced by two teenagers who were sort of functional on whatever they'd been drugged with.
Stress and adrenaline, Gareth knew, could overcome a lot of things. Including Russian "truth serum" apparently.
“Yeah well you're lucky you got found by these guys and not anyone else. " Dustin continued pointedly, before turning his attention towards Gareth and Eddie both. "Thanks for watching our friends, but we've got them from here."
Gareth made a sort of unhinged, disbelieving noise.
“No, no you do not.” He declared, anxiety clawing at his gut at the mere thought of abandoning Steve to two children.
"I don't think you heard him." The girl stepped forward, braids swinging about her face as she lifted her chin and nailed him with a cold glare.
As if this entire situation couldn’t possibly get weirder, Gareth suddenly realized she had a helmet in her hands and knee pads on.
"He said we got this. So scram." She flicked her fingers out in a dismissive sort of "shoo" gesture.
"And leave my drugged cousin with his new girlfriend behind!?" Gareth challenged right back, emotions far too raw and frayed to care he was snarling at a little girl. "I don’t think so!”
"Cousin!?" Dustin bit out, sounding almost betrayed for some reason, at the same time Robin who'd been climbing to her feet with Eddie’s help, shouted; "I am not his girlfriend!"
Steve, clearly unwilling to entertain whatever fight was brewing, clapped his hands together.
"Yes cousin, Dustin. It's a type of family member." Steve said, after they all flinched and looked to him. He at least looked steadier on his feet this time, though Gareth still lingered nearby in case he took a wrong step.
"I know what a cousin is, Steve!" Dustin shot back.
“Then why are you acting like a lunatic?” Steve complained, and Gareth got to watch in real time as Steve pulled on the persona he often wore in high school down around him. “You said it yourself, we don’t have a lot of time. Worse, I don't know if anyone saw Gareth and Munson here with us.”
He jerked a thumb sideways in Eddie’s direction, not that anyone couldn’t figure out who “Munson” was.
“They stay with us until we’re out of this mall.” Steve finished, before he started towards the door.
One step he was Gareth’s cousin, drugged and vulnerable because of it.
The next he stood taller, talked smoother, took charge with an aurora that said he expected everyone to listen to him.
It was fake as hell, but it worked.
“I know you’ve got a plan Dustin, so spill it.” He commanded as he walked.
Dustin, despite all the squawking, did just that.
xXx
Of all the things Gareth had expected to see upon escorting their little ragtag crew out of the bathroom, groups of intimidating, mean looking assholes wasn’t on the list.
He found himself repeatedly nudging Eddie in the ribs, unable to take his eyes off what was clearly a checkpoint as he staggered to a halt.
It was one thing to be told people were after Steve and the “Scoop’s Troop” As Robin had jokingly named them.
It was another entirely to see the security guard directly in front of him look over a woman’s ID before apologizing to her, a sleazy grin matching his oily pony-tail as he waved her on.
They really were looking for someone.
Not someone, Gareth realized in dawning horror.
Them.
Robin apparently, came to the same conclusion seconds later, because she snatched Steve and Dustin’s arms both, hauling them backwards.
“Argue about Dustin’s address later, we need to find a different way out.” She hissed quietly as she tried to slowly reversed direction, movements still a bit sloppy.
She might have even gotten away with it, had Sleazy Pony-Tail not turned and made eye contact with Gareth right after she spoke.
His eyes swept over him, then to the rest of the group, freezing like a cat that had spotted its prey.
“Abort, abort!” Dustin sputtered, wheeling about on his heel.
Erica, whose name Gareth had learned when she kicked him in the shin after he asked why an actual infant was running around with Steve and Robin, pointed towards the escalators before she beelined over to it, ducking into the center and riding it down like a slide.
Something Eddied was downright delighted to copy.
Gareth might have enjoyed it himself, had he not been looking over his shoulder to see not one, not two, but four security guards giving chase--and gaining.
“Fuck, fuck, fuckikity fuck.” He heard Robin chant as she shot past, Steve planting himself at the top as he made sure everyone got down to the next level before sliding down himself.
"Do not let them leave!" One of the guards yelled to the others, accent clear as a bell.
"Holy shit that guy's actually Russian." Gareth found himself saying as he skidded across the floor and bolted after the others, Steve hot on his heels.
He had kinda expected the Russian thing to be some sort of drug influenced inside joke and not an actual, honest-to-God Soviet.
Which led to the question of why the fuck adult men in security uniforms had drugged random teenage retail workers.
Food workers.
Whatever the fuck one called a two people who scooped ice-cream in sailor costumes.
"There's another group up ahead!" Eddie yelped, swerving sideways and nearly taking Erica out while doing it.
Noise erupted ahead of them in the form of foreign shouting and loud, harshly barked commands to “Freeze!”
‘Oh hell no.’ Gareth thought wildly, as he caught the form of the giant fricken gun the guard closest to him held.
“Split up!” Dustin howled, and before anyone could comment about how bad an idea that was, Gareth found himself being yanked sideways.
Steve swore loudly behind him as Robin, who’d crashed backwards, pulled him in the opposite direction and in a second their group broke in two. Gareth, Eddie and Dustin going one way, Steve, Robin and Erica another.
"This isn’t happening." Gareth muttered, words made in a sort of pleading denial as he and Eddie turned the corner and immediately vaulted over the counter of an Orange Julius. “I smoked or drank or did something and this is a hallucination that is not. Actually. Happening.”
Dustin at least, was smart enough to dive around the counter instead of over it, sliding towards them on his knees.
Eddie quickly yanked him down to the floor in-between himself and Gareth once he was close enough to grab, one hand going over the hat to shove the kids head down.
Annoying or not, he was at least several years younger than them, and Gareth could practically feel Eddie’s protective instinct kick in as he kept his hand on Dustin’s head.
Together they tried to silence their breathing as the guards’ shouting continued on behind them.
What was worse than their noises though, was when they unexpectedly and suddenly, went silent.
Gareth’s breath felt far too loud as the stillness gained a suppressive weight, pressing down harshly against him and making it harder and harder to inhale.
‘Panic attack.’ He realized, thoughts a touch detached. ‘You can’t afford to have a panic attack right now.’
Not when it had a high chance of getting them all killed.
Slowly he moved his own free hand, placing it atop of Eddie’s, fingers gripping down in a way that was no doubt painful.
Eddie glanced over to him and Gareth thanked every single time he’d smoked way too much weed, because his best friend immediately clocked what was wrong.
Turned his hand over, so that Gareth could hold onto it atop Dustin’s hat.
It didn’t help with the knowledge that his very much still drugged cousin and his equally drugged not-girlfriend were also hiding somewhere, or that there was significantly more Russians than there where terrified teenagers (and one--whatever age Erica was.)
Flashlights cut shapes into the wall overheard, trailing along the Orange Julius menu. Quiet voices covered even quieter footsteps and Gareth had the sudden realization the probability of there being more than one guard carrying a huge gun, was very, very high.
Worse?
This part of the mall wasn’t that big. There were only so many places to hide, and as such, only so many places to look.
Death comes for everyone eventually, but Gareth hadn’t exactly expected it to show up before he hit twenty.
Not that they could do anything but wait. Pray to God and the universe and any other higher power he could think of to intervene, head pressed hard against the wood behind him as the small noises drew nearer.
What he hadn’t expected was for said prayers to get answered in the form of a of a fucking car being thrown into the Russian’s like bowling balls.
“Run!” Dustin shouted, and Gareth wasted absolutely no time in doing just that.
The only goal on his mind was to find Steve, get out, and then have a very long discussion about what the hell this all was, in that exact order.
#fun fic facts I kept writing Orange Julius as King Julian#so thats my new fake 80s store#Tagline can be “yay I’m a sacrifice!”#Pre steddie#steddie#steve harrington#eddie munson#gareth emerson#platonic stobin#gareth is eddies robin#gareth is steves cousin#gareth and steve cousin au#Poor Dustin is mad jelly steve has a cousin that isnt him#we will dig into that later#tw drugs#tw vomit#tw guns#tw panic attack#Steve and robin have already had their scene I just moved it back so he is aware she is a lesbian#I will make it clearer in the next part#Drugged steve has no personal boundaries and homeboy would not at this point consider the stuff wit heddie flirting with Robin ALSO#digs into later#that was gay steve#HELLA gay#the more robin gets to know steve the more shes convinced half the basketball team is queer af#0o0 fanfics#denial is a river in Egypt that Gareth is struggling to swim down
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Like we literally can’t even fulfill some of the goals that they set. That makes no sense.
And there December stuff is just repeats of old things including the Christmas event.
The event we are playing now is the last one and it’s not even a banger what the hell
#obey me shall we date#obey me news#legitimately having a panic attack#this is my hyperfixation I literally don’t know what else to do in life
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Cleaning up my art folders and I found some art from like 3 years ago that I never posted bc I had shame. well, im here to post it now and boy, did I sure love putting valjean in Situations™️
#jean valjean#javert#les mis#les miserables#valvert#mayor madeleine#valvert fanart#oh me of 3 years ago would be having a panic attack at the thought of posting these#but we are so much less repressed now :)#nsft
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blitz was selfish af for not letting millie carry out the job just bc it reminded him of his imaginary family with stolas. it’s fucking sinsmas let her get paid.
#aren’t they like fucking poor they could use the money#helluva boss#hb#hb millie#helluva boss millie#millie helluva boss#blitz helluva boss#blitz hb#millie hb#anti blitz#helluva boss critical#helluva boss criticism#anti blitzo#anti stolitz#but the way he was willing to mock moxxie when he was literally having a panic attack#over the exact same situation he was in#unlinke blitz tho#moxxie isn’t selfish and wouldn’t take away others’ paychecks over his own struggles#those people could have bullied australian kids online those people could have been serial killers#what we do know is that the target was a cheater that woman wanting him dead makes sense
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bowser's fury is a very intense game, i can't imagine mario is keeping a level head 100% of the time. knowing you could actually die with little warning at any given moment gets to you, who would have guessed! good thing junior is there to be right about everything all the time
#makedy#super mario bros#bowser's fury#loosely based on an interaction my cousin and i had the first time we played the game. although in my case i played it more up for laughs#humor to cope with the horror#alternatively mario playing a vine boom sound effect on his phone before having a panic attack
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What if we were both magic prodigies and it otherized us in different ways and we devoted ourselves to protecting a family member who has general other goals & priorities. What if we both did self-sacrifical devotion in opposite ways.
What if we were dark mirrors of each other and where I've grown overcontrolling you've grown complacent. What if, bought as a servant into a pretty loving home, ownership and control is what love looks like to me, and to you neglected and lonely growing up, love is gratefully taking any scraps of it you’re lent.
By belonging to someone, even if she comes back injured or fails at finding Delgal, she feels like she belongs and is cherished, by owning someone he feels safe in them not leaving him.
She’s what’s tethering him do you see… And he’s the only thing giving her direction and purpose in her state. She needs a compass and he needs a support.
They’re both so out of it 😭 It’s the weirdly intense and unearned mutual trust and reliance on each other?? They’re each other’s weird little comfort codependent teddy bear. Or at least they were headed towards that before SHE DIED THEN HE DIED THEN THEY BOTH FORGOT ABOUT EACH OTHER AND NEVER MET EVER AGAIN. Though she’s also the guard attack hound keeping him safe… And vice versa he heals her and can rewrite her very being with just one wave of his hand. They’re both so so mentally and physically vulnerable both but they cling onto each other. They can’t perceive things accurately but despite it all someway somehow they stumble into something closer to resembling companionship just before they both die. Falin is just that kind and Thistle is just that lonely. Overworked. We both haven’t lived for ourselves in a very long time, haven’t we.
They both have a similar devotion to the people they love but again the difference is that Thistle starts overtsepping while Falin is self-effacing. The other difference between them is that people care about Falin <3 People have given up on Thistle long ago, and he has given people reasons to, while people refuse to give up on Falin. Yaad has a mini arc about it dw about it it’s ok he’s not all alone in the end 😭😭 He reached out for Marcille’s hand but they already all wanted to help him, they just had to be given the chance to, Yaad just had to be given the chance to, it’s okay I’m okay
Hey what if we learned to get in touch with our own identity and the world around us and living in the present again through being in the worst codependent situationship ever.
Falin and Thistle sitting in a tree, sucking on flowers together because they’re h-u-n-g-r-y 💕💕💕
I bet he’s only ever thought of flowers as useless ornaments. Weak weeds. But she shows him they’re tasty and useful and good and pretty in their own right too and deserve existing without proving their worth and waaa <33 Thistles…... Did you know thistles taste sweet if you remove the thorns and eat them?
"Even as a chimera, her kind nature remains" you can’t suppress her in the way that matters. You can’t soothe him in the way that matters. It’s doomed. You’re doomed. It’s all doomed. Save me.
#Spoilers#dungeon meshi manga spoilers#Thistle#falin touden#thistlin#OOOOH UNHEALTHY RELATIONSHIP THAT SOMEHOW WORKS OUT SAVE ME#I need them to be traumabonded kittens to not separate post-canon#I’m seeing a raise in post-canon thistle content/interest which makes me v happy#Fumi rambles#Falin learning to disobey orders with Thistle is one of my fave things. EAT THAT CURRY GIRL!!!! Nvm that it’s gonna get you killed#It’s good for the character arc#Falin and thistle sitting on a web o-b-s-e-s-s-i-n-g <3#This is somewhat of a tldr of my huge thistlin post. Plus some thoughts i had in discord or twitter#Keeping it for another day but tbh if you see their dynamic in canon as her thinking/having picked him as her mate it changes nothing#about her behavior which I find funny. Thistle accidentally claimed himself a parrot mate bc he’s bad with monsters confirmed#Ik my thing of them learning to relax and live in the present moment again is pretty fanon BUT IT’S WHAT KUI POINTED TOWARDS#With her calming him down from a panic attack and eating berries. With the baths for dandruffs. Etc. Thistle hasn’t socialized in a long#time and he wouldn’t if it wasn’t a tool he needed to interact with BUT it’s still socialization and it’s getting him in touch with his#surroundings again even if just a bit slowly but surely!! The Toudens have a superpower in reaching Thistle. Bless#How’s that one post go again. he refuses to develop he's part of the problem he maintains the cycle he's trapped in the cycle.#she's growing she's finding her place she escaped her original role she wants to help people she will never save him she will never save hi#Something something they have to abstract each other bc relationships with humans have always been too charged and unsafe#Only by seeing each other as more concept than person more object than peer can they truly be vulnerable#Like the fuckedupness lf their dynamic and state is WHY they’re so attached. Why their dynamic could be so raw and needy#The stars aligned in the worst way. Mission successfully faile#Tfw we both need to feel needed
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More Thunderbirds Are Go! With an idea I couldn't shake; Kayo being the only one qualified to escort Penny to society events and "discourage" potential suitors (while shamelessly stealing Gordon's girl)! 🌸🗡️
The boys are all cute but Scott will have half a drink then idly drop some unhinged traumatic experience into polite conversation; Virgil will start lowkey stalking the unvaccinated guests; John hasn't come out of hiding since the Charity Auction Incident™; Gordon will free the buffet crabs into the ocean before showing off "cool" x-rays from the time he broke every bone in his body; and Alan will eat too many desserts, feel ill, then end up hiding under the table to play video games. Kayo is Penny's only hope of preserving any dignity! 😮💨
#thunderbirds#thunderbirds are go#kayo kyrano#lady penelope creighton ward#gordon tracy#josie's art#her ladyship recruiting a strong; confident; sensible lady instead of any disaster tracys has the parker seal of approval#frankly a crime we never got a girl power teamup WITH gorgeous formalwear#kayo would have a gun strapped to her thigh meanwhile john has a panic attack when penny lets go of his arm in a crowded room#like SAME buddy but penny what were you thinking..... if john needs enrichment just take him to the arcade and put him on the claw machines#no nervous breakdowns AND he'll win you a cuddly toy!#anyway i may post sporadically but i think about TAG every day of my life. i bought a TOS tracy island at the car boot today#it was £8 and still makes all the noises; i do not have room for it in the house but it's here now :V :V :V#i saw one for £5 a while back and regretted passing it up ever since so i went momentarily feral. no ragrets
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Life and money stress continues, so today I actually called the mattress place I applied at to speak to the manager and plug my name. At first it was a pretty generic call but I was like, "Actually though, funny story, I met the owner on my first competitor shop when I was working for another company and he asked if I was looking for work."
"You met the [redacted]??"
"Yeah, it's been years I doubt he'd remember me but it made me want to work with him!"
She then said she'd give him a call rather than just forwarding my name along, so fingers crossed networking and shameless self promotion can win in the end.
#ramblies#if i get a job we can look at moving and a king bed and plan wedding stuff without having a panic attack#the industry is so wretched that I cannot wait for a paycheck that probably won't come for six or more months#my modeler friend has gone six months between every job shes had and she's amazing but lucky for her she can afford it cause her partner#is loaded but that's not the case we're in
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Americans checking the election updates:
#severance#scary numbers#are we all having the same collective panic attack#2024 presidential election#kamala harris
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When someone says they wanna fuck that old man and it's a rock star who's been drenched in sex appeal for decades and has fucked hundreds of women I do respect and enjoy that, but when someone says they want to fuck that old man and it's Conan Christopher O'Brien, a man drenched in sexless Catholicism who is 90% leg and 100% heart, well, I just think that's pretty darn neat.
#have to see how this one goes down with my beatles mutuals lol#to be clear I dont want to fuck any of these people#I'm really enjoying being gay#i guess I'd fuck paul for the nostalgia factor of having mediocre sex with a boring ass dude who loves the beatles#but if the world were a fair place we'd all be fucking conan#except that would probably give him a panic attack#so maybe instead we just give him a high five idk#conan obrien#conan o'brien#op
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