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Flanders Fashion Institute 1999 Happy New Year
Flanders Fashion Institute, Antwerpen 1999, 36 pages, 14,5x17,2cm
euro 80,00
email if you want to buy : [email protected]
Angelo Figus, Anna Heyler, Anne Demeleumeester, Raf Simons, Jurgi Persoon, Veronique Branquinho, Bruno Pieters, A.F.Vandevorst, Martin Margiela, Anke Loh, Dirk Bikkenbergs
Flanders Fashion Institute is a unit of Flanders District of Creativity and stimulates entrepreneurship in the fashion industry in Flanders. FFI sensitizes designers about business skills, guides them in their career and promotes fashion from Flanders.
23/07/23
orders to: [email protected]
ordini a: [email protected]
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#Flanders Fashion Institute#Happy New Year 1999#nineties fashion#Ann Demeleumeester#Raf Simons#A.F.Vndervorst#Martin Margiela#Dirk Bikkenbergs#Antwerpen#fashion books#very rare publication#fashionbooksmilano
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oh. Well that’s not right.
That isn’t what he said. Like AT ALL.
The difference here to me is huge, and it’s bothering me to hell because I’ve been waiting for this scene to be animated for YEARS.
“Your survival” “raising you” “snatching you away” — all of these phrases emphasize Ciel’s life in a way that prioritizes ‘Ciel’ in that equation.
The manga’s translation, on the other hand, positions these phrases in an objectifying tone: “Your life” “cultivating it” “robbed of it”. Concern isn’t so much about ‘Ciel’ but rather his life. It’s Ciel’s soul that is of greater consequence to Sebastian at this point.
When Sebastian’s making that calculation of distance in his head, it’s out of fear of being robbed of his shit. He doesn’t imagine Ciel being physically put in danger;
he just sees him in the clutches of someone else.
The musical tone of this moment also just feels so dissonant to me man… Like this isn’t a triumphant “I’ll protect you” moment — this is a creature defending its hunt. Ciel is literally being reminded that he is indeed still a meal in the eyes of his protector. How scary is that?
Well not nearly scary enough if you’re crunchyroll apparently. I mean, “raised you?” Like ok mom.
But y’know, if you take Crunchyroll’s version of the translation with the tone of the score, it reads a lot better than if it kept to the og translations ig. So maybe I shouldn’t complain at all. Maybe I’m just being a stinker.
#first public tantrum everyone we made it#im very rarely a stickler for sticking to exact lines of dialogue but if ur gonna change the whole tone of the scene…#just immediately made me go all squinty eyed when that dialogue came up#also idk if I need to say this but not ship#kuroshitsuji#black butler#public school arc#weston college arc#ramblies
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I love the QSMP. Not only has it introduced me to many amazing international creators, it's also introduced me to the French and Brazilian community, who are so sweet, funny, and chaotic in their own unique ways. I love seeing fans sharing their culture and learning from one another, and I myself have learned a lot this past year. I think it's incredible how QSMP brings so many different people together – all of us united in our love and passion for this project and its goals.
But passion can often evoke strong emotions, and these strong emotions aren't always positive.
The past few months, I have seen multiple waves of hate, bad-faith generalizations of communities, and racist remarks directed at fellow fans – especially those who are part of the French / Brazilian community. This kind of behavior is inexcusable, and is in direct conflict with the mission of QSMP, which is to break language barriers and unite communities.
We are a global community with a variety of people from different backgrounds. Miscommunications may occasionally occur because of cultural differences and/or language barriers, but we should use these moments as opportunities to learn and engage with other people rather than assuming the worst about them and starting fights.
Although certain issues can be resolved with communication, sometimes it’s better to block and move on. Avoid spreading negativity or hate, and save yourself the headache of interacting with people who are just looking for someone to argue with.
No matter what community we're a part of or what languages we speak, we're all here to have fun. Please remember to be kind to each other. We have more in common than we have in conflict.
#QSMP#mod talk#Additionally: we should avoid stereotyping entire communities for reasons I hope are obvious.#I think everything will work out in the end#I don't typically see this kind of stuff on here but I figured I'd post this anyways since I'm posting it to Twitter too#It's understandable that emotions are high because of everything that's happened to the QSMP community the past few months#but it's very sad to see fans attacking each other#everyone's a bit on edge it seems. I rarely use my personal Twitter but I opened it today and saw some close mutuals snapping at people#then after stepping away and calming down coming back to a conversation and apologizing#it's sad to see everyone in this state#So... comments from the peanut gallery I suppose. I do hope this helps someone though#I don't usually post things like this because frankly-#I don't think every single drama / controversy / whatever necessitates a public statement from every single member of the fandom#but I've been thinking a lot about this#Anyhoo. Hopefully I can start sharing clips again tomorrow. I've been moving the past week and life was hellish#hopefully things ease up a bit now
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#discord#i'm fascinated by how other people use discord#for me it's almost exclusively private servers#followed by a few very small public servers but i'm only occasionally active on those#i'm *in* some big public servers but i barely check them and almost never actually say/do anything#i have a personal server but i rarely use it lol#but i like. *never* use private chats/dms/whatever you want to call them on discord#only in very very specific instances#i don't have any like. ongoing private chats#just curious how i compare to the majority#this has been an original post#discord use poll#my polls
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freenoodles request!! Tang smoochin his husband on the snout and Pigsy getting extremely flustered!! (I love these old gays so much they are my fathers actually) ((real)).
he caught him off guard
Here are your dads, thank you for your request!! Very cute concept to draw out thank you very very much :D !
Small bonus! heeheehoo :3c
#heehee them <3#Threw a small hc into this!!:#Even if they do live together they very rarely get to the restaurant at the same time#Be it because Tang has to go to work somewhere else or because he refuses to wake up at 8 am with pigsy every day to open shop- either work#They've worked out a schedule/times that Tang comes in and Pigsy keeps a close eye on the clock every day waiting for him#He also probably prepares a spare bowl of noodles just for him a few minutes before he should get there#Got to make sure husband is safe!! and well fed!!!!#Also the hc that they both get kind of flustered by sudden unexpected affection from the other especially in public#They are very husbands your honor this is my testimony#lmk pigsy#lmk tang#lego monkie kid#monkie kid#freenoodleshipping#lmk freenoodles#It is 2 am and my brain is refusing to word smart sorry if any of these tags are worded weird auaghh#He was late in the first place because he was brainstorming ways to fluster his husband just for funnsies#snout kiss proved to be very effective!!#Zaacoy art💫
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Aerois did not have enough Spellclash and Sky jousting, so I need Altheya to make up for that with lots of knights and tournaments. Therefore I present to you Altheya knight AU!
#high rollers#rollonsunday#altheya#altheyatde#daisy thistleheart#ophelia d'larosa#In the knight AU everyone is a knight and is doing knight stuff#like tournaments and all that#Little Daisy might not seem like a formidable opponent because she’s young and doesn’t look very strong#but her fighting style is that of a much more experienced fighter#Almost like she isn’t herself when she’s fighting#Ophelia is sort of the dark mystery knight from a far away land#and there are so many stories about her that couldn’t possibly be true#or could they?? surely not right#She is rarely ever seen without her helmet in public so her identity is a mystery to most as well#which doesn’t help with the rumours either#So so so obsessed with this new AU you can’t even believe how bad it is😭#I’m sorry Gruff I know being a knight is your thing but you’re the last one on my list to draw for this I’m so so sorry
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boy in silly sitting positions compilation
#cats#I especially like the last one where he just has one single paw poking out of that box for some reason lol#I still have costumes to post and like a billion other things.... grr... constantly failing at staying active on social media aughh#I think because currently my Main Focus is on trying to get my game done and stuff.. which basically just means sitting and writing all day#so there's not much to post about. Though I know the Good At Social Media thing to do would be to post about the#writing and share progress and talk about the game and characters or whatever to try to build interest or something but that is SOOO weird#to me.. I could maybe get it if it was like a tiny tiny discord groupchat of playtesters with like 5 people in#it.. But something about talking openly about things before they happen is weird to me?? Like presumptuous feeling or something#''oooo guess whats gonna happen LATER!!!'' like.. how do you know.. what if it doesnt. what if you dont finish it. what if its not the way#you think it's going to be. what if something changes. etc. Like I literally avoid movie trailers and game trailers for the same reason ghj#Even if it's not ME doing it it just feels... weird.. Maybe it has to do with my OCD and how I just don't like talking about ''future''#things in Certain Terms. Like if I was going to say ''Oh yeah sure. come over to my house in a few months''. I would have to follow it up#with like ''HOPEFULLY you can come over to my house in a few months'' or 'They'll come over in a few months MOST LIKELY''. Because just#stating that something will happen matter of factly takes for granted like.. what if somehting horrible happens and I DONT have a house#in a few months? or what if something bad happens to me. or to the person coming over? I can't ever DEFINITELY say with 100% certainty#that one could ACTUALLY come to my house in a few months. anything could change. So I have to allot for that in my phrasing. hbjjkn#There are a lot of situations where you're expected to just Assume Things but for some reason that bothers me. My brain literally does not#even Assume the most basic things.. like how do *I* know that just because it's someones birthday that they want to be wished a happy#birthday? what if they dont? everyone is different and has different preferences. I should check with them first. or wait until they public#ly announce that theyre accepting birthday wishes. I have to allot for all 5034859069 rare possibilities at any given time and never take#anything for certain. etc. ghjbjhbh.... ANYWAY.. I have been feeling a bit sick lately as usual.. but still slowly making progress on some#things. Moslty I need to edit costume photos. make sculptures. and work on the game. Going back reading some of the old writing from like#2018 and suprisingly I don't have to change that much of it? In fact I like it mostly. so that's good. I would be very interested if I were#playing the game myself. Though that doesnt mean much since my tastes are so niche lol..#Still really want to clear some of my million tumblr drafts as well... alas and aughh and ooughh and so on and so forth. Between all of my#evil appointments other such things...why cant I have one billion dollar to retire into relaxed hermit artist life of no stressors.. bleas
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goodness knows
“If you see somebody stealing from a store, what should you do?” Fairy Godmother reads slowly, bouncing the end of her little golden stick along the chalky words written on the board. “It’s alright, just say whatever comes to mind.”
The silence in the remedial goodness classroom is deafening.
They’re all going to fail this stupid class. They’re going to fail, and be kicked out of princess school, and then Mal’s mother is going to disembowel them slowly and painfully once they get dumped back on the isle like the awful, terrible villains they are.
Failure is not an option.
“Mind your business?” Mal offers. She’s genuinely not sure what answer Fairy Godmother is reaching for with her little golden pointer stick, but anything she can guess has got to be better than nothing at all. They’re clearly not supposed to join in with the theft. Stealing isn’t very in line with the forces of goodness. Maybe they’re supposed to leave extra cash as compensation for the last guy? It would be better for the dude running the store that way. Maybe that’s why Fairy Godmother is asking them such a stupid question. Maybe it’s a test to see how well they can think about the needs of others and not just themselves.
“Mm,” Fairy Godmother hums, nodding. “That’s a good guess, Mal. Anyone else?”
Carlos raises his hand, because he’s a fucking nerd.
Fairy Godmother beams at him. “Yes, dear?”
“Take advantage of the distraction?” he guesses. “If they’re not paying attention they deserve to be robbed. It’s a moral lesson.”
“Yeah, take advantage of their fuckup and steal their stuff too.” Jay adds, without raising his hand.
“You guys, we’re not supposed to steal here!” Evie says. At least her hand is up, even if Fairy Godmother isn’t calling on them anymore. “We’d obviously kill the guy. He shouldn’t have to bear the shame of knowing that he allowed his wares to be stolen.”
“Yeah, a mercy killing.” Carlos agrees “Better that we do it quick.”
“No—“
“We steal a gun and kill him with that. It’s the quickest method.”
“No!” Fairy Godmother squawks, “No! You are supposed to call the authorities!”
Oh, they’ve seen this in the news. They’re supposed to wait for adults to do the violence for them.
“No offense, Fairy Godmother,” Mal says sweetly. “But I think we’d rather just kill them ourselves. We don’t need to wait for the authorities to do it for us.”
#my fic#don’t look at the larger implications of this shhhh#they’re talking about……some very specific incident that was publicized only because it was so rare#there is no gun violence in fairy tale land
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The thing about "love is a sacrament that should be taken kneeling" is that it really doesn't fit marriage proposals because it is actually a sad and very catholic coded tbh sentence about humility and worthiness from someone who was at their lowest and it ressonates with me for the parts I agree but also for the parts that I don't and that make me think of an anxious teen on his knees doing one ot the most important rituals (the Confirmation) for a religion he doesn't really believe and that doesn't really accept or believe in him because he wants to make his mom proud and happy (De Profundis was hard for a lot of reasons but I was not expecting my catholic upbriging to be one of them).
The other thing about "love is a scrament that should be taken kneeling" is that everytime someone points out it's not actually about romance they complete it with "is tots about bjs" and like I can see why better than I can see romance but previous perfomance does not equal future results Wilde can write things that aren't puns nor inuendos (shocker I know). So it's not about blowjobs. But like if you want to use it as so, go wild, have fun. Just don't spread it as if it was intencional.
#i just remember that before even finding a tumblr post about it as a fun fact I jad read De Profundis#and this quote as one of the ones that if the book was mine not from the public library +#i would have marked with shit that ressonates with my religious trauma#and I agree that no one should be forced to love other people that u can't be a dick and expect love that humility matters#but i also don't feel like the whole the only ones worth of love are the ones that think they aren't is good or healthy#but is very very catholic#wilde goes latin and all on this part#de profundis#oscar wilde#i 100% made this post because i found an rqg meme about it but instead of going funny my brain went#hey remember the catholic guilt this part made you feel over thinking you deserve love#i do get where wilde is coming from tho#also just want to make it clear that de profundis is not a catholic nor christian book at all#is not even a book#it just has parts where Wilde dealing with his own thoughs on religion and they are rare but i felt them
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there's a variety of thoughts going through the minds of the employees of Lobotomy Corp when everything begins crumbling, being reshaped into a Library- victory, resignation, shock and dismay. the Sephirot are calmer, their agreement with Angela set and signed as the former facility begins shifting and warping, their consciousness being packed away, neatly stored in books until the AI calls for them- they'll get what they want in the end. it's okay, they believe, and close their eyes.
except for Binah, the Sephirah infamous for being so cold and sadistic, holding your hand in hers. she inhales sharply when she feels your form begin to dissolve into light, the memories of all your repeating deaths stored freshly in her mind, where everything else is hazy and vague from being poked and prodded at. her fingers only slip away when she tries to reach for you, a small frown on her face and a hint of fear in her eyes.
no. she wants to say, but her voice flutters away like pages. not again. not this again.
i can't lose you again.
#project moon#lobotomy corporation#library of ruina#binah#binah lobcorp#binah library of ruina#once her floor is opened and she's straightened herself out the first thing she does is look for you#and when she does find you she hugs you in front of everyone#rare display of public affection from her#before letting go and smoothing out your clothes#tells you very quietly that she's happy you're back
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they should make a life where you don't have appointments, work, school and scheduled events every single day for months on end
#i just wanna spend like 2 full days rotting in bed is that too much to ask#december i'm going on a vacation with family + gf and we're trying to schedule a lunch/dinner so that we can go over the itinerery#and other stuff like my gf is diabetic so she's going to tell everyone the procedures in case of an emergency etc#and the soonest i'm available for that is oct 20th like bruh#every week day i've got classes 7:30-11:50 work 13:00-17:00 and then gym therapy or futsal practice at night#oh and sometimes the professor that i'm the student assistant (? monitor in pt) for wants me to go to her night classes#and then on weekends i've got futsal practice sat morning usually a match either saturday or sunday legal advice clinic 4x a semester#and then birthdays friend group meetups (with ppl i haven't properly seen in a WHILE so i don't wanna bail) family stuff or gf's family stu#oh and i take care of the finances of our futsal team so there's that as well#and then when i'm free i spend my time with my love (who i mostly see on either day of the weekend and sometimes for dinner on weekdays)#those are my favorite “appointments” i love spending time with her so much but even though we have quite a few staying in dates we also#pretty frequently go out to cafes restaurants parks meet up with mutual friends etc#so like... no bed rotting ever adfdsal#honestly i am not THAT busy compared to some ppl that i know#like i work from home most days of the week commute only 20 min to college am not a part of any study group etc etc#but man... that vyvense sure is working cause i do not think i would be able to do what i do now when my adhd was unmedicated#also i'm thinking of maybe getting a new internship next year cause even though i love my current one it's in public law which atm#is the field i'm thinking of getting into after school but getting into private law in brazil with only public law uni experience is#incredibly difficult. so i wanna be 100% sure i actually want public law. which means experiencing private law.#which means a private law internship#so i'm wondering how the fuck imma be able to pull that off next year#at least it pays much more than my current one! like probably double!#but honestly even with all the shit that i do and wishing i had more time for myself i've actually been so happy lately#i'm learning more at uni than i used to be able to i do pretty well at my internship i've got wonderful friends both old and new#my family is well and we get along like always i switched positions in futsal and am doing suprisingly good as a goalkeeper#and i'm in my first ever relationship. it's been almost 8 months till we made it official and it blows me away how good it's been#like we haven't faught once. disagreed on a couple things sure. but not a single fight and tbh even disagreements are very rare#idk we communicate and give each other grace and i just feel so loved. she knows me so well. i love her so so so so much.#like man just this saturday we were having an early dinner at a bakery. she stopped what she was saying and just stared at me smiling#and like i couldn't hold eye contact. cause she's so so fucking beautiful and she was looking at me with so much love and i had to look awa
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Little story from today:
So I went to the library for the first time since like 2019 and i needed to get a new library card since mine was very much out of date, so i (after a LOT of convincing myself) walked up to the receptionist and VERY nervously asked about a new library card, gave him my old one and i’m so sure he could see exactly how much i was shitting myself because my hands were shaking so much 😭 anyway, he asks me how old i am, to confirm my address all that stuff, i’ve calmed down a little since i’m like ‘oh okay maybe i won’t get outcasted for trying to get a new card’, he asks if my first and last name was still good.
Instead of backing up like i usually do and saying it was fine, i asked if it would be possible to change my first name!!!!!! Anyway the point of this was: Peter (i think that was his name i was genuinely terrified the whole conversation though) thank you idk what you did but i didn’t start crying so you did something right
And now I have a library card with my chosen name on it :D
#rambles#the rare occasions#i overcome my social anxiety#i think it helped that it was kind of loud (for a library anyway) because there were people doing some knitting thing in there as well#but genuinely#peter was very patient with me#also#another win for libraries?#fucking love libraries#peter if you see this know you made my day#story time#public libraries
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Me: I'm not sure if my health can withstand a commute. Should I try to go in tomorrow?
Apollo: no
Me: should I plan to work from home?
Apollo: no
Me: ...
Apollo:
Me: migraine?
Apollo: migraine.
#(cue it starting immediately afterwards)#i managed to take some painkillers in time to stave the migraine off but i still felt like shit the next day#so i couldnt have worked regardless#this was monday night (and tbf sunday & monday were *extremely* tiring days. i was falling asleep while crocheting & playing ac#which is rare even considering my fatigue issues)#yes/no divination has been great as a way to consult apollo without pulling out the tarot deck (which is more time consuming and takes#a *lot* more spoons)#the only issue is that when i do the stones or tarot i tend to get on a Divination Kick tm which is. not helpful b/c what am i going to do??#i've already finished asking what i needed to ask???#i should probably funnel that burst of dopamine/hyperfixation into researching different methods actually#gonna add that to the routine#also! working out the kinks with the yes/no method. doing it on my floor? no good. inconsistent results. Feels Bad. Loud#doing it on my bed? wonderful 10/10. very consistent results. Feels Good. not loud#i still do tarot on the floor though b/c having a flat sturdy surface is nice#for reference: my commute is 2-2.5 hrs each way via public transit. the sensory experience drains me *very* fast if im not careful and#we're in Purgatory Weather season where it's *juuust* warm & humid enough to maybe be a problem but isnt one For Sure#*and* the state fair is on so the trains are gonna be packed when im trying to get home#coriander says#helpol#hellenic pagan#hellenic polytheism#apollo#theoi#pagans of tumblr#hellenic community#paganblr
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OK I swear the reason I'm showing you this will have context in a couple days! But also, the fact B&N has a section dedicated to "well he may be a ten buuuuut" and included my current crime of "he's blonde" is like. Dang. Called out.
Didn't help I saw this with a guy and I said "oh no, my blonde enjoyer crimes called out!" and he said "better than redheads" and I'm like. "Sir, I have to inform you of my previous crime." and he was not pleased as he said "Fish... why....."
#moe talks a lot#not art#this will be much more relevant to my art in a couple days but just know#that ive had a field day staring at these and noticing unintentional bullshit#such as ! note how they are all kinda average writing size OR p big except for the tail one#which is kinda small and i feel like the person who wrote it is like this is the opposite of a '10 but -' ... thats a plus...#but then you also have all of them starting off lower case EXCEPT He's a man-child#oh absolutely gotta cater to the man-childs esteem and capitalize that one#this might be incredibly funny to me but i am not letting it be rebloggable im so sorry#also i like how he calls me fish in public bc despite having known me since 4th grade#he got in the habit during our ffxiv days during skype calls with someone in another state#so instead of using my in game name of Tuna vs my actual skype name Salmon#hes like fuck it we ball with just Fish#so i am fish to him and it carries over irl when we hang out which is rare but still#this is the same guy who was on the phone with his wife while we were wandering around and he just#watches me walk off with a very serious determination and i hear him say#hold on babe fish just walked over to a makeup store and is staring#so he walks over and asks me whats up and i point to a shelf and say dude#and he looks where im pointing and asks his wife#hey honey do you want main character energy? fish found some lipstick for that#and i hear her over the phone saying what very flatly#and he had to explain that there was a shelf advertising main character energy in sephora#his wife said no which is fair (they were also closed lol)#also the same guy i beat up on accident who lied to his football coach about why he had such fucked up shins#bc he knew his coach liked me as a very kind and quiet and obedient student#and my buddy was like i cant tell him you kicked me so much i bled...#and i just ????????????? hey what you never mentioned bleeding to me? dude? you KEPT MAKING SHORT JOKES#KNOWING ID KICK YOU IN THE SHINS? you never thought to say maybe stop that or maybe just stop picking on me#anyway yeah this guy and i have been through some weird times and most of them are my fault
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Literally can't pay my rent until I get paid for September, which hasn't happened yet. Today is Friday, and Monday is the last day of the month. I'm so tired of being poor.
#i still cringe to call myself 'poor' bc i have my own apartment and can afford groceries#and even fun stuff like museums and cafe visits and public transport sometimes#but the reality of the matter is that after i pay off my student loans every month#i do not have enough money left to pay the following month's rent#and that's the way it's been my whole life#all my groceries and museum visits and coffee come from those few hundred euros left over#my whole life i've been choosing between 'having savings' and 'having even the smallest most humble life' and obviously i choose the latter#i never go to the movies#i buy all my clothes second hand (got some this past month after not having bought any new clothing in almost two years)#i have visited a museum TWICE this year#i go to restaurants like... once a month max#i am living the most frugal life that i possibly can without denying myself all pleasures#i don't even have netflix or anything like that! i only very rarely order delivery! i cook my own damn meals!#you get the picture#and yet still: one single missed paycheck is enough to potentially fuck up my life seriously#i've never missed a rent payment in my life but i'm scared it may happen this time#just wrote to HR of my former employer (who is supposed to still be paying me through october) to politely ask where my paycheck is#it's probably coming today (i sure as hell hope so) but if it doesn't... i legit don't know how i'm going to pay my rent#my rent is 673 euros and i only have 400 in my bank account#i probably have enough food in my pantry to survive for a month if i had to#but i've never missed rent in germany before (or ever) and i have no idea how long they'd wait before evicting me for non-payment#i'm scared. and i'm tired of being apparently the only fucking person in my social groups who is this poor#i am an over-educated 37-year-old professional who typically gets classed with the 'expats'#but one missed salary payment has me thinking about eviction and affording groceries#this is what i mean when i say i'm an immigrant. not an expat.#those people with their apple watches and co-working spaces and spontaneous trips to thailand or brazil are... a world apart from me#how come everyone i meet is so damn rich? where do i find fellow poor friends?#anyway i'm stressed. and i'm so so tired of spending my mental energy worrying about money#cosmo gyres#personal
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there's a song i heard once, while showering, in 2019, on a music application i no longer use, which was streaming out songs at random. It had a really strong, thumping rhythm. i think it was fast enough you coulda done CPR to it, or maybe just slightly slower. all i remember of the lyrics was that it said once, or perhaps several times "on a row-boat" thump thump thump thump thump (👈 the quick rhythm). it had that kind of alt, indie, folksy feeling to it that a lot of music i listened to then (and now) had. sorta like Blitzen Trapper
when i heard it in the shower i had that odd sort of "i don't like this song now, but if i hear it again i'll probably start to like it" feeling that happens to me fairly frequently. i made a note to myself to look at the recently played songs on the application, and write that one down, and to listen to it again because why not enjoy music! why not!
well, i was showering to get ready for class. i left. i forgot to check. the song has vanished into the cracks of digital algorithms that have probably been replaced and retooled several times over by this point. as i remember it, i start remembering my memory of it, recalling not the original listening of it, but my recollection of recalling remembering listening to it, and the fragment of song i have, no matter how small, gets more distorted, gently warped to accommodate my musical taste (which is itself, impermanent, ever-changing) more and more over time.
THIS is only notable because every time i tell friends and family about this song, the reaction is nearly unanimously "oh, let me try finding it" and various music apps are searched for any song mentioning a row boat in any capacity. a few months ago, i told my family, and we spent an hour after dinner where everyone took turns playing songs which mentioned row boats (some very good) while i listened for a moment before saying, over and over "no—it Thumps. the song Thumps."
and it has occurred to me that at some point, the song will be lost to me entirely (which is not a huge loss! i did not like the song Yet. i only felt the potential to like it, the same way I feel about New York, I Love You But You're Bringing Me Down by LCD Soundsystem) either because i have forgotten it entirely, or because my memory has created a new song which i like a little more, but which has never existed, so that if somebody ever properly found the song and played it for me, or I came across it myself, i might only passingly consider its familiarity before dismissing it as pale imitation, perhaps inspired by the Definitely much better song i am looking for (which does not fully exist, even in my own head.)
#rare personal post#this is not bad btw its very funny#my memory is not air tight but thats fine it doesnt need to be#and genuinely it was sweet when my family all tried their best to help me on this extremely doomest quest to find a song i heard once#five years ago#this does not matter to anything at all i just needed to jot it down somewhere and tumblrs public diary format is so convenient
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