#using tumblr as my diary lol

[kuschelkissen]

I think the main thing with drawing smut for me is that... I just lack so much of what is needed for that lol

You need to be at least somewhat secure with drawing anatomy. And I'm not. Not at all. Even with pose references it's kinda hard for me to pull off. Especially if you have somewhat dynamic poses with shortened limbs due to perspective. I always feel like it looks weird.

And finding pose references for smut is a whole different can of worms LMAO.

Like for one, finding them already is difficult, and then I always run into the same problem: in drawn references, the proportions are almost always ... off. They're usually exaggerated, long limbs, broad shoulders, tiny waist, you know your "typical" anime style. And while I don't think my style is anywhere CLOSE to realistic, I still think my proportions are usually... well, at least CLOSER to realism than your typical anime. I don't (or try not to) draw the legs as 2/3 of the body. I don't mind when other people do it, don't get me wrong, but I just am not personally able to do it in a way that I think looks good. So I already have to adjust for that and we loop back to problem number one, my not-really-that-great knowledge of anatomy...

The other thing I notice in a lot of drawn references: the characters have very different proportions to each other. Usually you have a broad, muscular top and a slender, more fragile bottom. Idc if this is because people have a certain preference in their BL or because they provide a pose that is for your "typical" male/female look, but it is not helpful for me, because I AGAIN have to adjust this, because I often have ships with very similar body-build (even though I often see people change that to fit their need, but well, that's a different topic lol).

Recent example:

Pose by mold_19, sadly not on twitter anymore and I have no idea where they moved to SOB

"Do it badly!" I'm TRYING. Okay? I really am. But it's no fun if I struggle so much! I love drawing, and I don't often care for the mistakes I make, I've mostly left my perfectionism behind when I started drawing again 3 years ago, but if I struggle so much with even getting the base sketch down because everything just looks BAD and WRONG, it sucks all the fun out of me.

And then there is the other thing...

I struggle with drawing expressive characters, idk why it is so difficult for me, but well, here I am. I tried getting better with that Emoji-Drawing-Challenge, but even that is difficult to me because I have problems adjusting the very over-the-top expressions into my own style.

And oh boy, do I struggle with smut-expressions ^^' it is SO HARD for me to get the expressions somewhat right...? I drew some smut a bit ago and when I shared it, the first question was "is he enjoying himself?" because, well, he's supposed to, but I agree his face didn't really convey that.

Needless to say, that sketch is still a sketch because I cannot for the life of me get that stupid face of him to look RIGHT. I don't want him to look like he's about to cry, I don't want him to look like he's in pain, I want him to look like he's having a lot of fun actually. 🙃

"Do it badly", yeah, but I don't want to draw stuff that will be misinterpreted in such a way. ^^'

And then... though, admittedly, this is the least of my problems, just a matter of fact:

Drawing smut is kinda... fruitless. I mean. You have to find a platform where you're even allowed to upload it to begin with. And while it used to be "sex sells", I don't think this is the case anymore lol

I mean, there are people that still pull great numbers with nsfw art, but I'm certainly not one of them. Not that I pull great numbers with my regular art either, which might already be the core of the problem, but my smut just gets maybe a handful of likes and that's that. And yeah yeah, numbers don't count, and all that, hence why none of you will ever get to see the smut sketches I do and discard, but if I share stuff, I want it to be seen, and since people obviously don't like my smut, why even share it in the first place?

I don't even know where I'm going with this rant at this point. Just needed to vent in the hopes my brain would finally let it go, realise I'm not made for drawing smut, and stop making me try lol

let me draw fluff instead, I think I'm kinda okay with that.

[midnightclover]

Summon Night: Swordcraft Story (ATLUS, 2003)

[heertohbadisadhai]

if i ever write about you in my diary and you accidentally get to read it, just know that i’m actually an excellent writer, don’t flatter yourself over how beautifully i’ve described you thank you so much

(only applies to all the crushes i’ve had so far)

[keresyk]

This evening I got lightly hazed by one of the guys at work, which put me in a foul mood

I came home and got my belt loop stuck on a door handle and got so filled with rage that I kicked it so hard my big toe still hurts almost 6 hours later, then rage cleaned- first behind that door, then a corner of the hobby room that has needed doing for like 8 months. Then I realised I had insanely low blood sugar so I cooked dinner.

I still feel awful and like I'm gonna cry and I've wasted the evening. I don't know how to tell my partner that I wish he could find a middle ground between smothering me and ignoring me when I'm upset. I wish he wouldn't take it so personally when I'm upset. I feel like I've put in the effort to learn how to cheer him up when he's down, and that effort hasn't been reciprocated.

I hate how, in like 24 hours, I can go from feeling pretty good about myself, to the worst chasms of self-esteem.

[a-girlsdigitaldiary]

at the doctors & im still scared like a little girl

[thefrogdalorian]

I had a dream we saw the first teaser trailer for the Mandalorian & Grogu movie!! It was grainy, leaked footage (the fact even my brain knows that will probably be how we see it first is hilarious).

Frog lady was on a surfboard(?) in somewhere that looked like the Mines of Mandalore with a bunch of bright red tadpoles swimming around her.

There was a lot of action and fighting, Din was taking down everyone in sight anD THE BESKAR SPEAR WAS BACK!!!!! At one point Grogu did a flip from behind him and took out an enemy too? It was epic.

I think I also remember there being a snow covered mountain of some kind?? Lots of aerial shots and pretty landscape. Not sure what that was about. I couldn't get much from the plot but if Frog Lady shows up in the Mando movie now... I manifested this...

[prophecyofgray]

i know that i should be using the beginning of the semester to edit my book as much as possible because i want to have 6 chapters done by the end of the year and this is the least busy i will be until then. however i am falling into a slump of I Do Not Want To <3

[loderlied]

constantly sitting here with The Guilt like ‘i know i’ve massively fucked up somehow but i just haven’t realised it yet’ it’s truly like sitting on train tracks with no train in sight… you know it’s coming though

[x-enocyon]

Fighting for my life to participate in Yeehawgust this year <- guy who is moving in a week

[skitskatdacat63]

Can someone assure me it's okay that I haven't finished any drawings in over a week 😭😭

[auriidae]

my brother and i went on a 4-hour walk to a different town and back today and recited, like, the entirety of the steven universe movie from memory (complete with songs!)... both of us have only seen it twice but we are both Insane 👍 it was very fun!

[freakscircus]

so this is my last year of my program, and the last summer before i graduate and i have seriously overcommitted my time in every possible way..... i'm teaching my own summer class for six weeks, i'm taking on some extra grading, and i'm onboarding for a different job for my last year that moves away from teaching. then of course i'm moving and we are going on a northern ontario road trip in july. i am so excited for all of these things!!! but when i think about how i'm going to do them all while trying to finish writing my dissertation, my head spins. our land also needs some work and my partner is super capable and has done almost all the house repairs we need (besides things that require specialized help like electricity) but i want to help with gardening and fixing up the chicken coop. luckily all the extra work i'm taking on means we have more money for camping stuff, new furniture, sheets and towels, etc which will be fun to pick out. but i really couldn't do work and house stuff without a partner. this week while i wrap up final grades and finish a few writing projects, K is painting our entire house!!!!!!!

[ariiiloves]

I havent cut my hair in likeee five months?? And its the longest i've ever let it get since 2020 (cause I keep cutting it) I wonder how long will this last

[swordsonnet]

it's not all bad news though: my antidepressants are finally working so my mental health is a lot better, i've got a rollator now to help me walk, and i'll probably get a support worker in a few weeks!

[sarcasticpotatoz]

Whoaa what's this, I'm making my annual original post?? And it's finished art? I've outdone myself (Rambling + separate top/bottom art under cut)

This is really vent-y bc I'm very frustrated with myself! But we go on. It's meant to be viewed as a whole but I think it can work as two different contrasting/complementary mini-drawings, so, separated versions plus an upright version of the bottom bit because I thought it was fun <3 (don't look at the mouth being a little uneven too hard lol).

I managed to finish this within like, a month of conceiving the idea and wanting to start it which is an achievement for me, I think, so. Progress! It also features some of my best hands I think so double progress!!

Anyway, the more I look at this the more I realize it looks like something my 13yo self would think is the coolest art ever and would wish I could make which I have mostly positive feelings about I'm pretty sure.

Ok rambling over, thanks for looking at my art ! <3

[chiosblog]

god shes so beautiful aaaaa I wanna kiss her so bad