#unrehearsed beauty

[jacobwren]

On Goodreads, my first book (from 1998) and my current book are momentarily tied at 14 ratings with an average rating of 4.14.

https://bookhugpress.ca/shop/author/jacob-wren/dry-your-tears-to-perfect-your-aim-by-jacob-wren/

[comatosebunny09]

Astarion’s the ex-boyfriend who reluctantly let you go because he felt like he wasn’t good enough.

He’s the ex who took some time away to mature before he could face you and your companions again.

It was nothing you did—Gods, you were perfect. He just wasn’t ready for what a genuine relationship entailed. For what it cost.

When Withers reunites you, you secretly hope to mend things—and, secretly, so do your friends.

Your conversation is seamless as if you hadn’t spent all these months avoiding one another like a sickness.

He smiles more. Your laughter’s lighter now. He’s no less beautiful than he was six months ago. His touch still makes your skin prickle with static electricity despite its harmlessness. Still makes your heart stutter, and those dragonflies stir in your belly, and you’re a nervous little wreck, aren’t you?

You part ways with see you laters as opposed to goodbyes because the latter would imply you’re done for good. But fate has a tricky way of meddling with your lives and bringing you back together like driftwood returned to the shoreline.

Eventually, you become acquaintances, running into each other by happenstance throughout Baldur’s Gate.

Bumping hands whilst reaching for a book in the library. Encountering each other at the night market, exchanging familiar smiles and nods—Gods, darling, you’re still as terrible at scoping out a good deal as ever, he jests with that customary waggle of his hand.

Then, you become friends again. Close friends. And eventually, he becomes a constant in your life once more, showing up to your home each night with the promise of wine and juicy gossip—it’s all just a ruse to see you.

Though your breaths hitch in tandem each night you find him seated close to you on your settee—your thighs brush together, your pinkies graze, and his lips “accidentally” touch your cheek—you don’t want to ruin things. Don’t want to dredge up those old feelings. Fester those old wounds because, of course, you still pine for one another.

But you don’t want to muck up your rekindled friendship by once again rushing into something he may still not be ready for.

So you settle for breaking your own heart each night, smiling like a drunken, enamored fool while he rests his head in your lap. And you twirl his pretty little curls about your fingers, watching his lashes flutter, and his cheeks redden with your blood—you still offer it to him from time to time. That’s what friends do, right?

And though your lips twitch with a question, with that urge to ask what happened to us—with a need to lean down and kiss him—you stomp down those impulses.

You’re content with sitting with him like this, watching a smile round his lips and his chest quake with a fond chuckle because maybe he’s still as much taken by you as you’ve always been by him.

And maybe it’s just you being wishful. Maybe it’s the candlelight playing tricks on your eyes. Perhaps it’s the wine warming in your veins, making you delusional.

But you feel his hand at your nape, slowly drawing you closer. And the world around fades into a beautiful bokeh when your lips meet, and your neck hurts from the angle, and maybe your lips are a little chapped and unrehearsed after all this time, but…

Well, it’s every bit of perfect. Just like you remembered it.

[rius-cave]

If Adam and Lucifer had a wedding this would be their vows

Lucifer: *says the most beautiful vows that you can think of*

Adam: i promise I won't tell you to make me a sandwich

OKAY ACTUALLY

My thoughts are, Lucifer says the most beautifully rehearsed poem you've ever heard, full of imagery and promises and sweet words.

AND THEN

I FEEL LIKE ADAM WOULD ACTUALLY TRY TO COME UP WITH SOMETHING ACTUALLY MEANINGFUL AND ROMANTIC

But he's AWFUL at that shit so he fucks it up and is like "aaahh FUCK IT, LISTEN TO ME YA LITTLE SHIT"

and then actually starts spilling out his heart right then and there, unrehearsed, and it's CRASS and MESSY and he starts swearing a lot and probably says an inappropriate thing or two. But it's RAW and EMOTIONAL and SO HONEST- that it actually gets most of the attendants sobbing quietly, as well as Lucifer.

[itsbeenmyhonor]

i saw an instagram post of this ballet couple and it's actually making me feral ????? i didn't know i needed a "riorgail as ballet dancers" fantasy but oh my god ?????? hold on tight y'all.

imagine:

empty studios with low lights, late at night. he's in nothing but tight shorts and she's in her leotard. the room is warm, always so warm. but they don't care and have been in there for ages, even after their hours of other rehearsals for the day. she's a soloist and he's a principal with the company and he has made it his personal mission to help her ascend the ranks since she was in the corps and he was a soloist because he truly believes in her talent. it doesn't matter how tired he is, he will always stays late with her to work on technique, partnering, whatever she wants, but only when she asks. he's always praising her and constantly finding any excuse to call her pretty through complementing how she moves. he's loves teaching her new skills and gets so excited the first time she nails them, which is usually faster than the average dancer because she's so dedicated. and his heart sings every time she says she can't wait to show him how much better one of them has gotten since last time he saw her do it. and she teaches him too, each of their little meetings is full of choreography she dreams up, trying it out with him to see what works and what doesn't. this is how they truly learn each other's minds, bodies, souls. what the art really means to them, what they mean to each other. it's no surprise that they dance their very best with each other because they have the most trust in one another. whether it's in front of an audience or just the two of them, they always have an electric chemistry, gibing each other everything in their performances, even when it's only for a mirror. AND THE MIRROR! don't even get me started! constantly staring. like always. warming up, class, rehearsals, their own little practice sessions. always. she's stabbed herself with a needle while sewing the ribbons onto her pointe shoes before because she got distracted when she caught his gaze in the mirror. and they always stand next to each other at barre. they usually get there early to stretch together and talk before class prevents them from doing so for a couple hours. and they're also usually struggling not to get distracted in said class but they can't imagine standing apart for that long. and when they're in different rehearsals throughout the day, they make up for it by spending hours with their hands on each other after. bare chest, open back leotard. hand in hand, to balance her or with her fingers wrapped around his to do a turn. quite literally throwing her around sometimes in various lifts. he's never dropped her. he refuses to. and sometimes they have moments while practicing their pas de deuxs where they'll abandon the choreography completely and just dance. something sacred in how it's unrehearsed and unhurried. two forms intertwining as one within whatever classical music envelops them that night. she somehow always ends up lifted into his arms. he slides her down his body and pulls her into the most soul-crushingly beautiful kiss. she often tries to rise up onto her toes to meet him and even though she's still shorter than he is, the angle is always just perfect. that part is very well rehearsed. and when it's done and they're breathless from the dancing or the utter lack there of, he'll help her untie the ribbons around her ankles and knead at her calves, kneeling between the straddle she makes with her legs to stretch as she digs her fingers into some place in his neck that feels divine every time. they press their sweat slicked foreheads together, just breathing, sometimes dotting balm onto each other to help their sore muscles. she always bundles both of them up in their layers so their muscles don't get cold on the way home and forces him to drink water on the way out because he forgets in his desire to make sure she's taken care of first. and they do it all again the next day. <3

[wheneclipsefalls]

I feel rather excited for the alpha neteyam x beta reader, can we have a little sneak peak?

Absolutely! This alpha neteyam request has a beautiful story which has led to it being ove thirty pages and counting haha😅 I will warn y'all now, this fic is going to have a lot of angst. Luckily there is some good fluff and smut to make it all better🥰

Sneak Peak of "Withered" (coming soon)

unedited

“Neteyam, what are you doing? I thou-”

“Where are you injured?” You twitched when he reached a hand out to inspect your flicking tail too. Confusion swarmed within you. You had sputtered and struggled to put together a full sentence.

“It has been three days, Tanhi. I blew one day off as exhaustion or a fluke and the second as pure coincidence but surely only an injury would keep you away from the hunt for three days.” His eyes finally met yours again when there was no wound to be found. His tall frame had towered over yours as he reached out to cup your cheek. 

That familiar warmth and adoration you had for him had returned within an instant. 

You stepped back, successfully out of his grasp.

“I’m fine.” You replied simply. 

His tail swatted in the humid air and those golden orbs had squinted into slits. The focused attention of that look full of suspicion was enough to hold you down to your spot. You swallowed the lump in your throat and as you tried desperately to keep the fidgeting at bay. It was one of the few times you were grateful to be beta because surely an omega would shrivel under the pressure of his looming presence. 

“I don’t like when you lie to me, Tahni. Now tell me why I’ve had to go without my little star for three whole days.” Neteyam placed his hands sternly upon his hips, ears twitching forward as if preparing to take in your explanation. An explanation that you felt could not be shared. Doing so was bound to undermine your plans, completely destroying the efforts that had been made. 

“The group seems to be more than sufficient without my guidance.” You don’t dare to meet his eyes, your own orbs trained at the ground instead. In a moment’s notice his sculpted body is once again inches away from yours. His warmth came off of him in waves, along with the heady aura of alpha pheromones. 

You couldn’t hold back the shiver that ran down your spine when he placed heavy hands on your shoulders and bent over your frame till you could feel his calm breath against your ear. Neteyam’s tail wrapped around your thigh. A part of your brain told you to run, understanding that alluring danger that awaited you, while the other yearned to curl up against his impressive physique. 

You couldn’t understand how any omega managed to be around this male without completely dropping to their knees.

Suddenly you had some sympathy for the girls that had always fawned over him. 

“Tell me the truth, sevin.” The heated words tickled at your ears and made your heart skip a beat. It was foolish to think that there was any chance of lying to Neteyam, the mighty warrior that walked with the confidence of the supernatural. 

So you did.

You had scrambled to messily explain how it would be best if the two of you spent less time together. Unfortunately this unrehearsed synopsis included an approach that painted yourself as the foolish beta with a crush on the Omatikaya prince and therefore unable to handle herself around him. It was not the perspective you had hoped for, but it was the only one that could have been presented in your state of jumbled thought. 

Neteyam shook his head, an almost fond smile upon his lips. 

“Tahni, you really do not like to make things easy for me.” A bitter laugh escaped his throat. The sound put you slightly on edge but there was no trace of anger in his expression. Amusement was easily perceivable in the raise of his hairless eyebrows. He had taken your humiliating and pathetic explanation in stride, in fact, he had found humor in it. 

“I thought I’ve made myself clear.” You were swooped into the encirclement of his arms in one quick motion. You squeaked and braced yourself against the warm muscles of his abdomen. “You are the mate I seek.” 

His words had thrown you into a spiral, your heartstrings plucking into rhythms of heightened emotion. It was almost too much to take in. A part of you still found security in denying these bold claims but there had been too much evidence at that point. Neteyam Sully had in fact been courting you. 

His head lowered, nuzzling at your face until you finally looked up at him. Your lips were only a breath apart. 

“If you’ll have me.” Neteyam whispered. 

This little snippet is subject to small changes.

Thank you to the anon that requested this one shot (hopefully you know i'm talking about you😚). Writing this has been so fun and also very emotional. I can't wait to finally finish and have everyone see it <3

[vintageshanny]

Elvis lovers - it’s that time again! This week’s question is…..what are your top three live song performances? I definitely have not heard all the live stuff that’s available, so I’m really excited to see all of your answers and add them to my playlist! ❤️❤️❤️ Don’t forget to put the reasons why it speaks to you! Reading about everyone’s love for this man just makes my heart swell. 😘❤️

Such a Night (March 25, 1961 Pearl Harbor) - This concert is amazing, and this song in particular just puts me in a good mood. The little growling noises he does throughout are just so sexy, and the song is so upbeat. I love that you can hear the playful dynamic between him and the audience. There are so many amazing songs from this concert that he rarely performed again - Reconsider Baby, It’s Now or Never, I Need Your Love Tonight. And the corny jokes are already in full effect! He was really just his dorky self on stage, and I love it so much!

My Babe (Elvis Live 1969 Disc 9 - August 25, 1969 Las Vegas Midnight Show) - This is one of my favorite blues songs, and I was so excited when I first saw that Elvis covered it. (If you like blues, listen to Little Walter’s version. It is a great song, and I wish that Elvis had sung all the verses - I’d love to hear him sing “When she’s hot there ain’t no coolin’ her.” 😉😍) The amount of sexiness he oozes in this vocal is almost criminal. When he sings “she don’t, she don’t, she don’t, oh God,” I bet every woman there felt something…unspeakable. And the grunting! Whew…I need to recover from just thinking about this performance. 🥵 Really everything from this first Vegas run is just superb - the bluesy arrangement for Heartbreak Hotel is another favorite for me.

Funny How Time Slips Away (Elvis on Tour Disc 3 - April 14, 1972 Greensboro) - I love this song so much, and this particular version just does things to me. Right before he starts the song, he asks them to turn the house lights up, and when he says “I-I-It’s funny because I-I-I can’t see you really,” his sweet little stutter just melts my heart. Then when he sings, “How am I doin’? Well I’m sweatin’ a little bit baby, but I guess I’m doin’ fine,” it makes a lot more than my heart react. 😉😍😂 I just love how you get a feel for his interaction with the audience in this performance, and I like when he says “let her have it, man, let her have it” to security (I think about someone trying to get a scarf). My other favorite live performance of this is at Madison Square Garden. In that one, you actually can hear him stutter while singing a line, and I love that he goes up and hits that falsetto note when he sings “Remember what I told you,” and then drops way back down. I think he just had a lot of fun singing this, considering it’s kind of a sad song.

Runner-up goes to You’re the Reason I’m Living (March 22, 1975 Midnight Show). I think this is the only time he performed this live (someone correct me if I’m wrong), and it feels like just a beautiful dedication to his fans. Again you can hear his sweet stutter before he starts, and I like how you can hear him direct the band on what to do during the song. He performs the song so beautifully and then concludes by saying “That was, probably you could tell, totally unrehearsed.” Um, no, I could not tell that at all because it was amazing! ❤️

Again tagging past participants, but if you love Elvis and his music, please join in! 😘

@whositmcwhatsit @be-my-ally @thatbanditqueen @ellie-24 @plasticfantasticl0ver @lookingforrainbows @prompted-wordsmith @flwrs4aust @iloveelvis @argeriant18 @loving-elvis @alienelvisobsession @ab4eva @manebioniclegali @deke-rivers-1957 @rjmartin11 @c-rosenn @elvisalltheway101 @satninroses @doll-elvis @devilsflowerr @missmaywemeetagain @presleysdarling @troubleinapinksuit @cryingabtab @generoustreemystic @samfangirls

[the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf]

I Didn't Have To - Dr James Wilson x peds!reader

description: Insecurity is a terrible thing.

word count: 650

requested: no

authors note: just a short little blurb I wrote that I wanted to share! I'll be damned if I'm gonna stand here whilst there are no new james wilson fics on this app! I won't stand for it!

Masterlist

REQUESTS OPEN FOR PEDS!READER- request here

The morning sun bled through the partial blinds and bathed the two conjoined lovers in light. Wilson brought up a hand to rub away the sleep and then let it fall to rest on her shoulder. He was always amazed at how soft her skin was, thinking he could touch it every day if he let her. The gentle strokes aroused her from her sleep.

“Morning.” Even still half asleep, her voice held a cheery note that brought a smile to his face.

“Morning, my love.” He leant down and pressed a kiss to her still puckered lips. He then proceeded to deliver a kiss to each eyelid. She giggled at how ticklish this was. Wilson practically swooned at her innocence. How did he get such an angel? Who trusted him with something this fragile? As gentleman-like as he tried to appear he knew there were spots in his past. Yet here he was with a woman who’s past was as pure as her spirit.

“Darling, we need to get up.” She groaned. “I know baby but the sooner we get up the sooner the day passes and then the sooner we’re back here, together.”

This did the trick as she ungracefully threw her legs over the side of the bed and pushed her limp body up so the carpet took the brunt of her weight. Wilson followed.

The two stood shoulder to shoulder in the bathroom at Wilson’s apartment, which had become her second home over the past few weeks. Some, well House, may say it was too quick but they only ever wanted to talk to each other, see one another, and be near one another. Three blocks between their apartments kind of complicated that.

Y/n spat her toothpaste into the porcelain bowl. Her hair was brushed and all that was left was the face. She took out her cosmetic bag from her permanent drawer and began applying a controlled number of creams and powders. James came from behind and began placing kisses on the exposed skin of her shoulder.

“How can one, who already looks as beautiful as one does, feel the need to alter their beauty in any way.”

“Stop it, you don’t have to say that.”

“I didn’t have to sleep with you, and I still did that.”

She turned to face him, accusingly, “You saying you didn’t have fun.”

“I think we both know the answer to that.” She giggles as he sends her an unrehearsed wink.

She returns to the brushing of her cheekbones. “Anyways that’s rich coming from a man who spends hours blow-drying his hair.”

“It’s not that—I like taking care---thinking that I look good—I mean its not like---my body’s not—” he fiddles with his hairdryer as he tries to justify himself to her, refusing to look up.

She halts her movement when she hears his stutters. She makes her way over and takes his body into her arms so she can make him meet her gaze.

“Hey. Listen to me. I didn’t just fall for you because you are intelligent, sensitive, funny, kind, sweet and because you care about me more than anyone ever has” she began to brush his hair back so she could gaze into his eyes. “but also because you are cute and unbelievably sexy. And even if you weren’t, I wouldn’t care, because all those other things matter to me a thousand times more.” She finishes her thought with a deep kiss pressed to his lips.

“You don’t have to say that.”

“I didn’t have to fall in love with you and I still did that.” She giggles before skipping off back to his room to get changed.

He reaches up his fingers to brush where her lips touched his. Grinning like a schoolboy, he followed her path so he could soak up as much of their time together as possible.

[vaperarmand]

my school did an unrehearsed staged reading of gnomeo and juliet. i still haven’t seen the movie. as a g+j expert, do you think i should watch it?

okay first of all. scream. oh to have been a fly on the wall/audience member at your school's unrehearsed staged reading of gnomeo and juliet.

second of all. if i had a time machine i would go back to tell my 6th grade ish self and say "someday a stranger will refer to you as a gnomeo and juliet expert. and everything will have been worth it."

finally i hate to say it but it has been so long since i've seen it (though i feel a rewatch is imminent) so i can't give a fresh take on the quality. nor can i speak to its merit among shakespeare adaptations though i know it very much doesn't take itself seriously. which i like. actually the hyperfixation on g+j accompanied a very sprawling and more longlasting love of elton john which i think is the real merit. the original song is really good and the crocodile rock re-record with nelly furtado is also very catchy and fun. his music is also included in really clever and fun ways. so in that sense i think it makes a great movie musical of sorts, more comparable with a project like rocketman than a shakespeare adaptation. so unless this staged reading also incorporated some of that sweet and beautiful music i would ultimately say yes it is worth a watch. plus the character designs are very fun

[beyourselfchulanmaria]

Bill Evans's "Peace Piece" is an unrehearsed modal composition that he recorded for his "Everybody Digs Bill Evans" LP in 1958. It is hailed as one of the most beautiful and evocative solo piano improvisations ever recorded.

[followcb]

Kaleidoscopic Wonder

warriors armed with

poetry and prose

life-force from stardust

celestial spiritual ethereal

essential universal wisdom

eternal DNA stranded

amid earthly situations

desire for reinvention

love as breakthrough innovation

such an unconventional

convention

creative expression

to exorcize suppression

an antidote for repression

infinite wisdom carves

into ebony, our totem’s story

testament scribed,

our life’s glory-

poets’ veins bleed

compulsive need

a shared telepathy

stained of empathy

originating from divine

perception, dual conception

twined between stanzas’

waltz - our exalted words

an emotive evolution . . .

unrehearsed feeling to aching

beauty captured, wriggling

beneath pens’ ink

intuition stitched, we

commit to being

complicit with syllables

express what's suppressed

undress that which is oppressed

attempt to puncture

balloons of institutional thinking

dysfunctional gerrymandering

redefine freedom as a spiritual design

a concept to realign

love and empathy for humankind

that we might . . .

rediscover what matters

from the tatters bleakest night

shrouded in frosted manacles

hindering our words’ movement

elongate shadows

into dawn, writers sipping

sunlight’s elixir

we sweat and swear

through our laughter’s

exchange, deranged

poets in love with language

pour us another sip

permit these lips

to cipher lyrics

preserve faith

rupture disbelief

imagine honesty

a constancy bender

into unreality

where love prevails

a dreamscape dripping

of Kaleidoscopic wonder

this cosmic verse -

our healing remedy

from a world splintered

with overthinking

☆☆☆☆☆

©️ @followcb & @rhapsodyinblue80

April 9, 2023

This is our first collaboration since Oct 2022, and months of life-changes, that have given both of us, newfound wings - each in our own way!

Thanks @rhapsodyinblue80 (Diane) for your friendship and willingness to share your creative muse!

CB

[jacobwren]

People who have read Dry Your Tears to Perfect Your Aim before it's out seem to like it. All the more reason to preorder:

https://radicalcut.blogspot.com/2024/07/dry-your-tears-to-perfect-your-aim-is.html

(Goodreads is not something authors should be looking at.)

[ginger-snap-talkin-nonsense]

You like Over the Garden Wall? What makes it so good? (Genuinely curious question not trying to be snarky)

Well for one its characters are fantastic. Wirt is charming and delightful despite objectively having a lot of flaws to overcome, Beatrice is hilarious and a great foil to Wirt, Greg is "ball of sunshine" done perfectly, and the Beast is a terrifying but never overplayed villain.

The music is great, all of it fits the show wonderfully and Elijah Wood's not good singing voice as Wirt really accentuates the charm. The music is all diegetic and feel like it (fun fact during the tavern song they purposely put Wood on the spot to get that genuine sense of unrehearsed discomfort that Wirt has to give off).

Its plot is great, it serves its theme about growing up and learning how to take responsibility for yourself well, while also managing to be compelling and fun in its own right. Unlike similar stories it's happy to admit that its setting is a metaphor for something dark (purgatory, in this case) but never dwells on it. It's intentional, but never overstated. The show doesn't want you to dwell on the lore or concept, it just wants you to accept it as an interesting facet. Its narrative through line actually reminds me a lot of Daniel Handlers work in that regard and I love the prose of ASOUE.

And of course it goes without saying that it's breathtakingly beautiful like holy shit what a gorgeous piece of animation I could frame any individual frame on my wall as high art.

[orleans-jester]

From Maddy to Bastien

- I hate the times when I wake up and the only parts of you that I can find are your hairs strewn on the imprint of your head in the pillow. The same pillow where you thrash about in the throes of your worst pains and the pillow you lie upon in our shared pleasures

- I love knowing that you’re there for our daughter, up with her whether it be in the morning or the middle of the night and that’s why you’re not in bed but tending to her, changing her, quenching her thirst with milk that came from me so it’s like I’m there despite sleeping.

- I hate waking up with alarm clocks coming from my cellphone, the beeping and the songs that sometimes go off and bring me out from the dreams because the first thing I always want to hear is your voice unrehearsed when it’s scratchy and hoarse and you say my name perfectly each time.

- I love the times when you come home from your night wanderings and you smell like the trees and the breeze and your hair so crazy like you were swinging on a trapeze and my heart starts to burst because out of anyone in the whole world you came home to me

- I hate the way that when we go out together, I sometimes end up with pebbles getting inside of my shoes and it hurts so I need to stop and I need to kick it out because it reminds me that life can be so cursed with something so insignificant and I could be that for you

- I love that you told me how you forget things but you’ll never forget that you love me and when I feel small and like I’m not as good as I could be or should be, I remember that outburst from when you asked if I was your girlfriend and I wish I could say yes again

- I hate when I remember that you had a life before me because I didn’t have one before you, I hate the idea of your hand being in someone else’s and I hate that you had to see mine in someone else’s and you’ve been well versed in living without me but it’s okay because it’ll never happen again

-  I love when I wash the dishes and you help to dry by using those embroidered hand towels that Sally made us as wedding gifts and how I’ll sometimes stand there long after the bubbles dispersed and reflect on how lucky we are to have things obviously ours

- I hate how much I love the scars that you shoulder as evidence that you love me and that you cared even when times were bad and they must remind you of the hard times but I loved you before the very first of those bursts hit you I promise I promise I promise I did, I do.

- I love how you believe in the angels and the prayers and the power that they can hold, and you’ve never stopped believing despite ghosts and threateners and every fucked up thing this world ever nursed towards you but you believe you beautiful soul you believe

- And I hate when I love these things and hate when I love and the whole world can be a mess and it can be confusing and the moments are fleeting and things are topsy turvy and often times reversed but the only stable thing is you and you and you always

[ I imagine she writes bits of this each night and one day just hands it to him, part of getting things out, the good things and the bad, to let the world do what they want with them ]

[author-of-all-sins]

It's only been a thousand years...

In the echoes of a thousand years past, I often found myself drowning in love's vast, But as the white winter descended, serene, It kindled a flame where darkness had been.

I was but a soul amidst the typhoon's dance, In the heart's upheaval, aching in its trance, Yet amidst cyclones, in silence profound, I heard whispers of "suffer," an unyielding sound.

Not bound to the rocks, nor drained of my tears, In love's tangled web, amidst hopes and fears, For love, a witchcraft, and lies its disguise, In the darkest of nights, beauty oft lies.

I shan't compare light to the depths of night, Nor the lamb's innocence to the wolf's might, No other's embrace shall quench my soul's thirst, Let the well of my being be sealed, unrehearsed.

For it's only been a thousand years...

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #40

Unexpectedly, I was out and about almost all day today.

I went first to the place with all the nice people. I brought the candied orange peels to share with everyone. The leader spoke today about the importance of being kind and welcoming to everybody. The notion of being inclusive and doing right by our fellow man instead of just paying lip service to love was spoken on. The balance between knowing that we are all scarred from life and also knowing that we are still indescribably beautiful was spoken on. The balance between knowing that we must be held accountable for our mistakes and strive to do better while also knowing that we are all inherently lovable and good was spoken on. Afterwards, the lovely gentleman who plays piano began to play a couple of different songs from Undertale; when I gave him the music box, he excitedly asked me to send along to him some video game song that he could learn to play. I had trouble deciding, so I made a list. You can find it here; maybe you'll enjoy some of these:

Since I only sent it to him yesterday, I wasn't expecting to hear any of what I sent today. Nonetheless, I was surprised and delighted to hear His Theme from Undertale being played on the piano! I was so moved that my eyes started leaking the water that I drank before leaving the house this morning, hahaha!

I was confused when he seemed ashamed of the few mistakes he made as he played. Mistakes are the natural result of effort; when the results of that effort produce joy, awe, and wonder without anyone getting hurt in the process, how can we spend so much energy focused on nitpicking how that effort was executed?

It's similar to watching someone who speaks a second language be ashamed of their accent; how do they not realize that the fact that they can even speak a second language at all is already amazing? Why focus on the accent instead of on the fact that you have the power to speak to so many more people, and on all the effort it took to get to the point that you can do such an incredible thing?

So the man who speaks music sometimes gets an, "I'm doing this on the fly to make someone else smile because I'm brave enough to do this unrehearsed" accent. It means that he might have to endure a harsh inner critic to put this smile on my face. How can I look at that and be anything other than awestruck? How can he look at himself and be anything other than awestruck by the kaleidoscopic vibrance of his own existence?

But then I realized that I fall into similar traps all the time; I lose track of "good enough" in my quest for "flawless" more often than I'd like, and sometimes the paralysis from this stops me from trying things in the first place.

Here's the thing, though: one of the most wonderful aspects about being alive is the fact that things don't need to be flawless or even complete for them to still be beautiful and perfect just the way they are. I wish that this was a thing that more people understood. I wish that this was a thing that I could understand better when it comes to myself or anything I do. I'll continue to work on it until I know it in my bones; it's important.

We returned home briefly, but then went out for pizza. It began to snow quite heavily outside along the way. I don't really like the snow, because the snow is cold and the cold makes my entire self hurt (for me, being touched with an ice cube hurts more than being burned on the stove), but I have a feeling that you might enjoy it, so after we returned home from pizza, I went right back outside to snag a few pictures for you. Here they are:

I hope you'll pay special attention to those last few photos. I hope you'll see that the snow angel with one wing is just as lovely as the snow angel with two. I hope you'll see that the one-winged snow angel still has a place beside the snow angel with two.

I hope you'll see that you don't have to be flawless or even complete in order to be lovable, worthy, and good just as you are. Because I'll tell you a secret - not a single living creature is flawless or complete, and that fact about us is the thing that makes us ALIVE.

Think about it - a thing that is already flawless and complete never has to learn, grow, or change. Only dead or inanimate or static things fit that description. Do also consider that it is in the learning, growing, and changing that we are at our best and most beautiful. It is within our flaws and shortcomings that we are perfect. The love that exists within the struggle to endure the necessary pain to become kinder, gentler, and more loving for the people around us is where we are the most perfect. We are at our most perfect when we are overcoming destructive childhood conditioning. We are at our most perfect when we are treating someone with love even as we are gently holding them accountable for their mistakes. Without our flaws, these things wouldn't exist. The capacity to strive to choose love over annihilation or oblivion would not exist. Light cannot exist without darkness to compare it to. We need both sides of the coin for our little pocket of SOMETHING in the vast sea of NOTHING to continue to exist. And that coin has to SPIN - CONSTANTLY - if it stops moving, it falls over, static, inanimate, lifeless, dead.

We are all works-in-progress for the entire duration of our existence - no matter how many fancy (or not-so-fancy) meat-mechs we cycle through. We spend all our time learning, unlearning, falling down, getting back up, being stuck in place, moving forward, getting hurt, being afraid, and loving things and being brave anyway. We are all prismatic contradictions woven together into a thermodynamic miracle, and somehow we still have the audacity to believe that we are ordinary or powerless or less-than-beautiful. If you look at that from the right angle… it'd almost be comical if it wasn't so sad.

It's almost like… like watching butterflies believe that all they'll ever be is primordial soup as they chill out in the darkness of their cocoon, not even able to fathom that the soup is necessary for the next step, not even able to fathom that there will even BE a next step. It's a little silly like that.

And when we're done, we return to where we can remember all we have been so we can incorporate what we've seen into the bigger picture. And when we go back to start a new cycle, we forget it all once more so that we can begin again, washed and fresh, with new and curious eyes, no matter how many cycles we've gone through before. And if that's not the most beautiful, refreshing, and perfect thing there is, I don't know what else it could be.

Here is another example of an artist who wraps up what I clumsily tried to say quite nicely. This one says it better than I can, and thankfully, this one is still alive:

I… think I will end this here. I feel a terrible, terrible headache coming on. It's gonna get hard to think soon. Maybe I'll just go to sleep.

Hey, stay safe out there, okay? You haven't tried everything yet. Please remember that you're lovable and good, even if you might not always feel or act in accordance with that fundamental truth.

I'll keep writing to you. Every day.

Your friend, Lumine

[record-of-the-day]

Let's talk about: Farewell Transmission

During a phone interview with Justin Taylor for The Faster Times, Molina describes ‘Farewell Transmission’ as perhaps “one of the most heroic recording moments of all time” for how the arrangement came together with originally unscheduled musicians, live and improvised.

In his own words: “We put, I think, about 12 people in a room and recorded that song live, completely live, and unrehearsed. I showed ‘em the chord progression, they had no idea when it would end, and we just cut it. Steve [Albini] did a beautiful job. I noticed that at one point when it was a little too loud or a little too soft he came and opened a door to make it work, because it was just an ambient recording. When you hear that song kick off everybody knows it, and what’s so disturbing to me is the way that I ended it is I was dictating to the band and Steve—I go “Listen. Listen. Listen.” And then at one point they all stop. It’s great.”