#unless it was extremely recent or i REALLY liked it or REALLY hated it!!!!!

[kerosene-saint]

my bad memory effects me in such weird ways.

[raspberrybluejeans]

tbh one thing that im so grateful for tumblr being my primary social media about is that I'm able to experience so many stories without spoilers.

As soon as I'm interested in something I can blacklist the tag/word and then I don't see people saying spoilers and I get to experience the story myself!!

I don't think theres any other social media that lets you hide spoilers like that!! So everyone else has to rush and binge things but I can take my time and not worry about the story being ruined

[saltyfilmmajor]

Hasan Minhaj’s Bit from Homecoming King about playing your cards with immigrant parents…

[paganinpurple]

AO3 Etiquette -UPDATED

Based on both decent and not so decent replies, I have made some changes to my original post below.

It would seem a whole new kind of AO3 reader/writer is emerging and it is becoming clear not everyone quite understands how the website community works. Here is some basic guidance on how most people expect you to go about using AO3 to keep this a fun community archive that funtions correctly:

As well as likes, kudos is for when the story was interesting enough to make you finish reading. If it sucked or was badly written, you probably left. If you finished it, you liked it - so kudos.

If you really liked it, you should try to comment. It can be long and detailed or a literal keysmash. Writers don't care, we just love comments.

No critisism unless the author has specifically asked or agreed to hear it (so use your notes to say if you want some constructive feedback). Even constructive critisism is a no-no unless an author note tells you it's okay. No, posting it online is not an open invitation for that. Many people write as a fun hobby or a way to cope with, among other things, insecurity and just want to share. Don't ruin that for them. I've seen so many authors just stop writing coz they can't handle the negative emotions the critism brings, and it's only meant to be a fun thing shared for free (pointing out tagging errors is not included in this).

Do not comment to ask the author to write/update something else. It's tacky and off-putting and will probably have the opposite effect than the one you want.

There is no algorithm, it's an archive. Use the search and filter function to add/remove the pairings/characters/tropes etc. you want to read about and it will find you the fics that fit the bill.

For this to work, writers must tag and rate stories. This avoids readers finding the wrong things and missing the stuff they want. I don't care how cringy that trope is in your eyes - it gets tagged.

The tag exception is if you don't want to tag a million things or spoil your story, you can rate it as "chose not to use warnings," and maybe tag the bare minimum.

Don't censor tags. How can someone exclude a tag if the word isn't typed out correctly? There are no content bans for terms so don't censor them.

If the tags are mostly content/trigger warnings, especially if they are things considered very fucked up or graphic, you might want to use "dead dove - do not eat" to ensure people know that you're not messing around with tags and what they get is exactly what you've warned them about.

Character A/Character B means a ROMANTIC or SEXUAL relationship of some kind. Character A&Character B is PLATONIC, like friendship or family.

Nothing is banned. This is an rule because banning one thing is a slipperly slope to banning another and another, until nothing is allowed anymore. Do not expect anyone to censor for you. Because of the tags system, you are responsible for your own reading experience.

People can create new chapters and sequels/fic series any time after they "complete" a story. So it's considered perfectly normal to subscribe, even to a finished story. You can even subscribe to the author instead just to cover your bases.

Do not repost stories or change the publishing date without an extremely good reason (like a complete top to bottom rewrite or an exchange youve written for going public). It's an archive, not social media. No one cares what's the most recent, only what fits their tag needs.

Instead of deleting a story you wrote if you hate it - consider making it anonymous or orphaning it so others can still enjoy it, without it being connected to your name anymore. If you still want to delete it, fair enough.

It's come to my attention that metaworks ARE allowed on AO3, which is something I wasn't aware of. So if you do post an essay or theory, please tag it as such so others can choose to search for it or exclude it. Art is also allowed.

The only reason this archive works is because NON ONE PROFITS. Do not link to your ko-fi or patreon or mention monetary gain in any way or you violate the terms and risk having your account removed. If anyone does link, it leaves the archive open to people claiming it's for profit and having the whole thing removed.

I KNOW there's plenty more I missed but I'm trying to cover most of the basics that people seem to be struggling with.

I invite anyone to add to this, but please explain, don't berate.

[byelacey]

so you want to keep a great pyrenees as a pet

recently a little comic i made did big numbers on here and i keep seeing tags like "gotta get me a great pyrenees" and like AWESOME there are SO MANY of these big boys looking for adoption, especially in the US but i feel like as a person who got a pyr as their first dog (because i'm insane) there are some things you need to know - they BARK. all day and all night. they've been bred for barking. this is not bond spyxfamily borfing this is LOUD and CONSTANT. barking is their job. working pyrs protect their livestock by looking intimidating, bluff charging and barking very loud. they're also often naturally nocturnal, which means a lot of their barking is done at night. if you're the type who doesn't enjoy loud noises for most hours of the day, reconsider keeping a great pyr as a pet - they are LARGE. they are large when they are hormonal, idiot puppies. their bodies grow VERY FAST but their brain takes 2-3 years to catch up and during that time you've got a 75-150lb puppy on your hands. everything is more expensive because your dog is big, too. beds, accessories, food, vet stuff, medication, grooming, *everything is more expensive* for big dogs. get yourself some pet insurance. you'll thank yourself later. - they're sensitive creatures who form strong bonds with their flock. if you're keeping one as a pet: congratulations, you're now this dog's flock. separation anxiety is huge. they're meant to be guarding their flock, and if you go off without them, they're gonna worry about you. they also don't take well to you shouting at them for doing their job (barking very loud at wayward leaves). i'm serious. they're so so sensitive. - they're extremely smart and independent, which reads as stubbornness to us. they think they know better because they've been bred to work on their own, without humans around to tell them what to do. they're gonna pick up commands really fast, but they do shit on their own time. and recall? forget it. "an off-leash pyr is a dissa-pyr", as the saying goes. this is not a dog you'll be able to have off-leash, as he's gonna do and go wherever he damn well pleases - THAT BEING SAID as they are a large breed dog (extra large, actually), training is extremely important. small untrained dogs can get away with a lot more than a large dog. some people are afraid of dogs. you need to teach your pyr early and often what isn't a threat to you so they aren't causing trouble with their guardian shenanigans - they shed. they drool. they're large, double-coated dogs with big jowls. i have cleaned drool off of every surface of my house, including the ceiling. they blow their coat twice a year and also shed undercoat all of the time. i brush mac once a week during regular season and every other day when he's blowing his coat so that his coat stays healthy and doesn't become impacted or matted. - EDIT: someone just tagged this with a great point as well. you need a lot of space for a pyr! a fenced backyard, at least, with a fence tall enough they can't easily climb over (6ft preferably). they aren't high energy dogs but they do get a lot out of being able to roam around and patrol their yard. they are not apartment dogs (unless you walk them a lot, and you hate your neighbours) admittedly my fenced backyard isn't huge, but mac gets around 2-2.5 hours of walking per day, split between a morning & afternoon walk. they need the mental stimulation of walking around and sniffing stuff! if i haven't scared you off yet, owning a great pyr as a pet is a difficult, but rewarding experience. try and find a breed-specific shelter, there are many, because unfortunately these dogs are overbred in the US (either on purpose or by accident), and they're also often surrendered as puppies because people didn't know what they were getting into. a shelter will also take your lifestyle into consideration when pairing you up with a dog, because they want to find permanent homes for these guys.

anyway i think that's it. and if you have a pyr i am wishing you a very (show me your dog)

[miwiheroes]

Bylers, we need to talk about something…

I’ve been having a lot of thoughts pertaining to what will happen in season 5 relating to byler recently, as have we all, but I’ve also been wondering about the audience’s reaction to it if it happens.

Actually, i’ve been more concerned not about the GA’s reaction, but our reaction to how they handle it. I just want to say beforehand, that I might be projecting my issues with negativity and conflict (i’m a very very optimistic person it’s rough being on social media these days lmao) and I also very much believe that they will make byler canon in some way or another. It just makes sense with the narrative. But I fear we will never be happy with how they do it and we never learn from our previous mistakes lmao

Before season 4 came out, I sort of was a fan of byler, but i was very very casual, as in I didn’t interact with many fan theories, I wasn’t on twitter (still not on there because I have a phobia of negativity eek) and I wasn’t on tumblr, I would occasionally check out the edits and fanarts and I think I was just Aware of it, because I always root for the gay ship to happen ofc..

So when season 4 vol. 1 came out I was excited about the direction they were taking byler, and I could see that it was finally canon that Will was gay, rather than theorised. When season 4 vol. 2 came out, I had not been on sttwt or st tumblr during the time between the volumes because I had other fandoms prioritised around the time. I watched the Van Scene with my parents and suddenly I was acutely aware of just how gay they were (because I always get scared of watching anything queercoded around my parents lmao).

By the end of season 4, I was like YES! this season was amazing for a byler set up next season, although i was more focused on other characters too. I then kind of saw the byler script stuff but not the full extent of it, and I saw many edits and fanarts of them but that was it!

Now it’s 2024 and I have a major hyperfixation on byler, (due to the season 5 bts and the fact stranger things keeps popping up on my fyp it’s crazy) and now I’m on byler tumblr (not twt tho .. sorry) to find all the evidence I can and get all hyped up for s5! But I’ve also seen old posts from around 2022…

Literally every single one was extremely disappointed from season 4 vol. 2, and I was confused, seeing as I was very happy with it and I liked byler (my fave byler scene is from vol. 2 and no it’s not the van scene). If I’m being totally honest, and I might get some hate for this, I think we all had wildly, wildly high expectations and the disappointment was our own doing.

I personally never really judge a show before it’s finished (obviously not sitcoms and shows like that) unless it has really really terrible writing ofc, but I always choose to reserve judgement until all the character arcs are wrapped up and I can look back and see why things were made to be.

I understand the whole anger with Mike’s behaviour towards Will and how Will was treated poorly by him, but isn’t that the point? Mike loving Will back in season 5 would then be more satisfying after all that. It’s a set-up for the next season, no?

I don’t know why or how people thought that Mike would suddenly resolve all his internalised homophobia or something during that season, and I reckon if the whole season had come out at once instead of two volumes (i hate the two volumes thing sm omg) people would have been much happier because we wouldn’t have had time to create insane theories or unrealistic expectations that, let’s be real, were not in line with what we have seen so far with byler.

So, I just want to say that I’m a little afraid for season 5, because I know that byler will likely be canon, but people just won’t be happy because it won’t be in the exact way that they had theorised. Sorry to break it to you, but you, random person on tumblr, are not a screen writer. More specifically, you’re not a screen writer for stranger things.

I think it’s fun to theorise at the moment, but I just want to remind people that this pattern has happened before and we never learn? Like, none of our theories are coming true. Not one of them. Did I theorise the exact van scene? Did I theorise the part at the end where Mike grabs Will’s shoulder? No. But am I happy with those scenes? Hell yeah.

So on the build up to season 5, I just want to caution everyone to not assume that specific things are going to happen when it’s just a result of an echochamber (such as the milkvan breakup scene being right at the beginning or the painting being brought up). You’ll just be angry for no good reason.

The only reasons I’m personally going to be angry with how they handle byler is:

1. If it’s not canon and Will’s love goes unrequited/ he has another love interest somehow…

2. If either of them die after having a relationship during season 5 (bury your gays is stUPID)

3. If one of them dies before the other gets to tell them they love them/ kiss

4. If they get together without Mike apologising (it could be in literally any way, obvious or not) for his poor behaviour.

But that’s it, the rest of it is literally up to them.

Hope ur not too mad, but it just needed to be said.

[thisdreamplace]

for those who struggle

i recently got sent an anon message about frustrations surrounding the law, and how non-dualism hasn't made it any easier for them, but actually just more frustrating to the point where they're officially walking away from everything and wanting to just go back to live as they knew it before any of this.

the truth is that, oversimplification runs rampant in this community. as well as, hiding behind the realities of how difficult it all can be, because people are afraid of affirming that it's difficult or identifying with difficulty... but when we hide from this experience and try to come off as if it doesn't affect us, while simultaneously trying to give out advice, there tends to be more damage than good happening. the oversimplifying isn't the fault of anyone, as the truth is most of this is simple. but in actually living it, it tends to not be simple at all. the ego will fight till the very end to keep things the way they are, even when they hurt us. and that is worth being honest about.

when it comes to non-identification and indifference, this is not meant to be used to as yet another way to pretend something isn't happening or push down your feelings or gaslight yourself. i see these posts like, "just ignore the 3d and don't identify with it and you would have already have what you wanted" ..... this doesn't actually really help anyone, unless you're a person who strives on that kind of mentality. but i think a lot of people need a little more gentleness and realness, otherwise this journey wouldn't have been so difficult and painful. we'd all just get it overnight, but clearly, this community stays extremely active for a reason. because the million ways its already been explained still leaves so many confused and frustrated.

indifference is a daily practice, and it is NOT one that includes pretending something doesn't exist in exchange for getting what you want. it is actually, the extreme opposite. it's by acknowledging what's there... and allowing that to be what it is. the non-identification comes in from how you choose to see YOURSELF in relation to whatever that thing is. "this is painful, this sucks, i hate it... but that doesn't mean tomorrow won't be better for me. it doesn't mean my life is doomed..." etc etc etc. it's this very small flip within yourself, that actually leads to results. not trying to force yourself into believing you aren't even who you are when you've identified as yourself this entire life. remember that god's name is I AM, and literally nothing else.

and doing something to get something else is just... not it. it's time for you to truly want to feel better, regardless of anything else. that's why so much of this starts to get trickier than it needs to be.

non-identification is literally as simple as realizing... you are bound to no past, and you have the opportunity of every future you can possibly imagine. why ? because non-identification is literally just non-attachment. when you're not attached to this idea of who you were, of the struggles you used to face, you're able to allow in different experiences. and y'all... this as simple as being able to say to yourself, "i am allowed to experience something new" and don't let your fear of the unknown stop you from experiencing something new.

here's where it doesn't feel so simple though. how can you just stop identifying with this whole human self when the traumas of the past keep coming back to haunt you ? thats the thing. you don't just stop identifying with it. you let this be a process, a non-linear path to liberation. slowly, but surely, if you keep at it everyday, even when you feel you're only going backwards... one day you will realize how much more free you are. how much more easier it is to move into a new beautiful story for yourself, one that isn't contiminated by your past. but let today be today ! and whatever may come, let it come.

this is why just focusing on yourself is so helpful because if you're simply doing the best you can for yourself and your feeling state, the daily dramas are no longer your ruler.

the gag is that, the more you just do these small daily practices of sitting with yourself, choosing to not engage in the stories you used to identify with in the past, and allow new experiences to come to you... the more easy it gets, the more the truth of yourself begins to show itself on its own. you have to realize that the days are going to keep passing by anyway... so stop counting them, and just commit to yourself.

i also want to quickly note that so many seem to leave out the fact that behind all of this, within the pure nothingness that is also everything. behind our human identifications and all the things we have experienced in our lives, there is unconditional love. and when we actually begin to stop identifying so deeply with who we thought we are, we are lead right back to unconditional love. love in its purest form. so, use love as your guide when things get too difficult. it's the truest thing to who you really are.

you have to let allow yourself to experience the beautiful, despite how strange it may feel. because it's going to feel strange if you've never really experienced it before, and the ego is going to fight because even when it's good, the unknown is still strange and scary. and you never have to be perfect at this to get to experience the things you want, believe it or not. i know that i still have a long way to go on this journey, there may be much more time before i ever get to fully experience the promise in full, but that hasn't stopped me from experiencing the desires of my heart on a daily basis. that's because i used these simple things, these small little flips in how i chose to see life. even if the anxiety never went away, or it was a more difficult day full of tears... this is way more possible for you than you realize. if only you're willing to allow your life to be different than it's always been. just that small allowance, opens up all the doors.

xo dream 🕊

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for kind of manipulating a friend in hopes she'll stay away from my not-so-really partner?

(emojis to find later: 🌸🌸🌸)

ok so this is kind of insane and im very mentally ill (self-diagnosed; done lots of research and have come to the conclusion of bpd, diagnosable according to the dsm-5) so this won't sound very rational or. normal. but here we go

so i (15FTX) have a classmate (15F?) who i've been in a close friendship with for 1.4 years. let's call her vick for this ask. i fell in love with her about a month into our friendship and it grew into her becoming my favorite person. i think of vick 24/7 and i put a lot of care and love into her, we're even planning to move in together into a dorm for university. i confessed to her about my love in october 2023 and she confessed she'd been having "weird" feelings about me since the first month of our friendshsip as well, but she doesn't know if it's anything romantic or not. we have stayed friends due to religious reasons but she has also said she wouldn't have minded us dating if religion wasn't a factor (we're muslim).

i've been pretty committed and loyal to her ever since i confessed and i consider her more important than anything, but i don't get this back and im fine with that. i can deal with it for the most part. it makes me jealous when she interacts with others so casually, but she obviously has the right to have other friends and care about other people and i absolutely know im not allowed to interfere with that no matter how i feel.

enter our other classmate (14F), who i'll call flower for this ask. she was fine at first and had noticed my jealous stares and made jokes about it, saying she had no intentions of "taking my wife from me" and often jokes about being scared of me. we're on good terms and we chat often at school like normal friends.

but recently, flower has started being extremely touchy-feely with vick, taking vick's hand and putting it on her thigh, leaning towards her, making extremely suggestive jokes... and this is a special treatment to vick, too, flower doesn't do this with anyone else in the world. i love vick much more than she ever could and not even i have such confidence with her. beyond that, vick's pretty uncomfortable with physical touch too, so i never risk making her uncomfortable and do my best to not touch her unless she touches me first despite being a very physically affectionate person myself. and there's flower, being all willy-nilly with vick like it's all fine and i feel kind of betrayed seeing flower be like that when i try so hard to accomodate vick's preferences.

you can guess that flower's intimate treatment for vick, who i love with all my heart, has caused me to hate flower with a burning passion. she's like a physical roadblock in my relationship with vick and im tired of it.

so i had an idea.

this merely started the last day of school before the break, and i can't continue it now because i don't have any oppurtunities to see flower, but what i started doing was i would be very affectionate with flower myself.

i would compliment her, make jokes, initiate conversation, it even came to the point flower joked about falling in love with me. i feel scummy doing this because i will never return whatever affection she'll develop for me, but im genuinely tired of flower and this is the most ethical thing i can think of.

by doing this, im hoping flower will see me as the person to pull all her joking advances on. this way, i won't feel like she's taking vick away from me, and i can be sure vick won't abandon me for flower. i also know i sure as hell won't be abandoning vick for flower, so this way my relationship with vick will basically be secured and flower will just be a nuisance that comes and goes and i'll just have to pretend i like it, which will be much easier than pretending to be fine with flower being affectionate with vick.

now i don't even have to type out all the ways i could be the asshole here but this is the most ethical thing i can think of, like i said. it's a win/win situation. vick pays more attention to me so im happy, flower's advances are redirected to me so flower's happy and im not in danger of losing my relationship with vick. i know vick doesn't care much about flower either so she'll be fine too. so everyone's happy! and flower's never gonna know her close friend from highschool actually hated her guts, so she won't ever be sad either.

but um. you know. the whole manipulating out of envy part of it and all.

just talking with vick about it isn't an option because vick already knows how much i hate it, but i guess she's only ever seen it in a joking environment where i was making light of it so she doesn't really know how much i hate it. i also can't just tell her to stop talking with someone because it makes me sad. i guess im being hypocritical because this also means i shouldn't manipulate someone away from her just because it makes me sad but i actually can't stand it it genuinely makes me suicidal and homicidal in many ways and this is the only thinng in my power that i feel like is okay-est to do

therapy is not an option my dad has a degree in psychology so he'd say "just talk to me instead" and he would think im crazy if i actually said anything about all this to him + he's extremely homophobic

ok that was a lot. um.

aita for manipulating flower away from vick just to have peace of mind?

What are these acronyms?

[velveetacrackncheese]

I know it's been like forever, but are you still a fan of Viv and her work

Honestly when it comes to her, no. Even if there's some things I've learned to appreciate in some of her more recent stuff (Except Hazbin S1, I thought it was genuinely awful and the more I think about it the more disappointed I truly am with it.) my main gripe is that it seems that Viv still treats people like crap. My opinion of her has continuously waned over the years from someone who was obsessed and having had a parasocial relationship with her and her work, to the point where I felt obligated to defend her for the sake of the "fandom" back then. Pretty wack behavior coming from myself honestly, and like I said I was a prick! I treated naysayers and critics of ZP like garbage, and while there was venom being flung towards me and other fans as well, some of it also being cruel and uncharitable, I can't pretend I didn't contribute to the toxic culture emanating from her fanbase. It's very interesting to see that the more modern incarnation of Viv's fanbase is arguably still just as toxic, but on a bigger scale. People no matter where you go, and regardless of when in time, seems to have a strong opinion of her. Either love her to death or hate her to the point where that becomes its own obsession. Well, unless you've actually had a connection with her, it seems like you're either one of her favorites, or someone who she burnt bridges with.

There's of course the genuine non-drama stuff, like ohhhh fuck dude, she drew some weirdo shit which I could honestly care less about. There's reasons to not like her, and it isn't that. It's not even really her work period, but more so allegations regarding how she's difficult to work with, cruel to certain past associates to an almost comical degree, and is still pretty uncharitable to even her most charitable critics. The stuff with KenDraws kinda was the nail in the coffin for me, transphobia is not going to get a pass from me, sorry! I don't know how true this is in particular, but how The Hunicast was treated after the Hazbin pilot also left me with a pretty real sense of disgust. It's wild seeing a show like Hazbin Hotel flourish through A24 and Amazon, all the while trying its damn hardest to cleanse itself of its indie roots. Apparently donations to the Hunicast was used to fund the pilot, and after the pilot it kinda seemed like Viv just didn't really appreciate how much they contributed to that project. Honestly, I don't think Hazbin would be what it is today without The Hunicast.

That, and of course there being all the dollcreep stuff, the way that the fandom at the time wrongfully demonized dollcreep and took Viv for her word to the T, following what was a highly uncharitable read from fans which led to harassment despite the drama between the two being personal, and that being made into a public concern when it reallllllllllly should not have been. Transphobia also being an abundant issue in this regard. JoJo as a character was created as an extremely petty way to bash Jo and in hindsight, is incredibly revolting, and ohhhhh also transphobic. The Erin Frost situation, in which of course featured Viv devotees to also take her testimony as uncharitable and lies despite having never worked with Viv herself. Employees being paid like... what, $35.00 per second of animation which is crazy. So not only a toxic work environment, that toxicity just festering cuz Viv herself is toxic. Her tendency to seemingly just bully the people she surrounds herself with, hell even getting people blacklisted apparently? I'm sure there's a lot more I can get into in all honesty, and what's being mentioned here is barely scratching the surface! There was a point in time where I had agreements with what were, back then, blogs dedicated to critiquing Zoophobia and in hindsight, yes, there was a lot to rightfully criticize. Lot of stuff in that webcomic was genuinely not great and despite the immature attachments that I had back then, there were points I'd openly conceded to. Which led to Viv blocking me, and that led to me being pretty sad! Honestly thought I'd did something wrong or that I like... "Betrayed" her which is fucking insane. It was something I ruminated on for literal weeks. I look at my older posts on here and it's so fuckin clear that I was not mentally stable, at least to me, and that was reflected in the wild ass shit I was saying. I'm glad I've changed but dear god I was such an asshole, and it's crazy to think that I was some kind of figurehead in the fandom at that time. Nobody should've been looking up to me, cuz holy shit I was a stupid teenager.

Also, generally speaking, this doesn't have much to do with Viv as a person as much as the early fan community surrounding her work that existed from like 2015 into 2018, particularly on tumblr, but I'd developed relationships with other people in the fandom that led to some pretty traumatizing experiences for myself and for others that I knew personally. I won't get into details about that, but the culture for the fandom at the time housed some SERIOUSLY sketchy people, and there were people who were just open and active groomers. Zero accountability for any of that btw, yeah awesome fucking community, guys. "Like and Reblog if you're a true fan." jfc.

So uh, yeah. Naw I can't say I'm much of a fan, and I'm not convinced that she's actually some nice, pleasurable person, who conveniently stumbles into situations where her alleged good nature is CONSTANTLY put into question due to actions that are pretty well documented and accounted for. I've still watched Helluva Boss episodes, although at this point it feels like I'm beating myself because I've progressively grown more disenchanted with it as time has passed on. Despite that, it's still Spindlehorse's best stuff. I say Spindlehorse in particular because while I don't really respect Vivienne, I respect the crew who are the backbone of those episodes. Hazbin has some narrative themes that I'm not particularly fond of, the pacing is a mess, and the character writing is not good. Characters have entire musical numbers dedicated to them despite either serving a very minor role in the story or just being absent for the entirety of the season. I'd go on and list my gripes with ZP, but it feels weird to bash something that is nearly a decade old now. Probably doesn't represent Vivienne's current capacity for craftsmanship, visually speaking, and in regards to the writing; Were I to go back and review what those old critique blogs had to say, I'd probably add onto them instead of being as dismissive as I was.

Also, something I can attest to personally, and you'll have to take me for my word on this, but I used to be a $50 patron to her Patreon. One of the benefits was that you got to be a part of her discord server where she'd chat with fans once a month and I got to be in a few of those vc chats. I recall her being petty even then, and if my memory doesn't fail me, there was a time where she like... called someone's older brother a f*ggot because he insulted Kesha and her general preferences in music lmfao. She genuinely got upset and all teary over that confrontation and ended the call early, and the other people in the vc were tryna comfort her. Looking back that now, feels so.... weird. Shit, I mean charging people so they have the chance to just talk to you, monetizing that feels weird, and kinda gross. Wish I could have my money back for that, ngl. No Bueno.

[skellish]

Please help a disabled (seeking disability) trans woman keep her apartment!

Hi everyone, my name is Delia, I’m a 25 year old trans woman with several disabilities, such as ADHD, possible autism, BPD, depression, anxiety, CPTSD, chronic fatigue, et cetera. I need real help in order to keep the apartment that I fought so hard to get. I am seeking disability right now, but it is going extremely slowly and I don’t know when I’ll see any help from the government. Let me explain a bit of my situation.

Medicine has never really worked for me, and I recently decided I needed to come off wellbutrin because it was making my anxiety a lot worse, as well as depleting my ability to really feel anything at all, so my doctor recommended I stop and try a new med. I can’t afford to go to the doctor very often so I stopped the medicine a month ago and am going back in September to try something different that will hopefully help.

Essentially, I live in income based apartments and lately, my disabilities have been either preventing or seriously hindering me from getting to my job. I used to work basically full time at my deli job and it became too much due to me being burnt out for like the last 5 years, so I had to cut down. I work three days a week now, and it’s already becoming too much again because of said perpetual burn out and medication withdrawal. I have either been missing work entirely or been late every single day, and they haven’t fired me yet but I fear the worst is coming soon.

Right now, my rent is $372, my water bill is already behind, power bill still needs paying, and I only have ≈$100 in my bank account right now. I am planning to yard sale both this Friday and Saturday, and next, and get some more cash before it is due, which is on the 10th of August. On the 10th, they will serve me an eviction notice to get out by the 20th unless I can get the money.

I am asking here if anyone could spare anything, any amount is immensely appreciated. I have been on my own for a few years now with little to no support, and I've always despised needing or asking for it, but the fact of the matter though is that this is my last Hail Mary to save my sinking ship, and I'm desperate.

I know most folks here are also struggling though, and I hate to make this post, but I am kind of at my wits end in regards to keeping this apartment. This has been my first somewhat stable home in pretty much my whole life and I'm terrified of being forced to move yet again. If I can just get this month’s rent paid, I will be able to find a new, more tolerable job in the meantime while I am seeking disability benefits, and then hopefully keep the ball rolling.

Any amount will help, I am honestly begging and I will appreciate anything anyone can spare, be it a donation or a share.

Update 8-12-24: so we have made some good progress here and I am thankful. Sadly some unforseen expenses had come out, so not exactly where I'd like it, but it is coming along. I've just got 8 ish days left to come up with the rest though, so. I am considering selling my Playstation, and that was unconscionable previously, so things are fairly dire.

V3nm0: @Skellish

C@sh@pp: $Skellish69

Goal: $372

Current: $110 / updated: $190, (still need $182)

[psychedelic-pebble]

AAAAAH okay so i came across your page a few days ago, and i LOVE LOVE LOVE the way you write for fiddleford. i also saw your recent post about slowing down because life is a little too much right now, so feel free to ignore this, but i'd love to hear other hcs and or more drabbles for fiddleford, nsfw or sfw. he's just so cutie patootie

eek thank you!! writing for Fidds is always so fun, he’s such a silly little goober. i’ve cooked up some headcanons both sfw and nsfw (will be under the cut), so i hope they will do! eat up fellow Fiddleford lovers

Young!Fiddleford HCS!!

Warnings: None for the first half, although there is NSFW content under the cut, so MDNI.

Pairing(s): Young!Fiddleford x Reader

SFW

Fiddleford is generally protective, not to an extreme degree, but he wants to make sure you’re safe and happy. He’s not the confrontational type most of the time but if someone is actively harming you he’d stand up for you.

He loves displaying his affection in somewhat silly ways, and not overly grand gestures. Sure, if it’s a really special day (anniversary, birthday, etc.), he’d make plans and do things with you, but not in an over the top manner.

Like the previous hc, he’d probably take you on smaller dates or more casual things like picnics. Not the type for fancy rich restaurants, not that you’d mind. He has some good spots that make you feel just as loved and appreciated, if not more.

Seeing you do even somewhat domestic tasks warms his heart. Whether you live together or not, seeing you cook him breakfast early in the morning or help you do menial tasks around the house makes him feel all the more connected to you.

That being said, I do think he would be the type to want a long term relationship and future with you. He’d like to spend his life with you and eventually settle down together, maybe buy a nice house somewhere and enjoy each other's company on a day-to-day basis.

He doesn’t like arguing, he‘ll always admit to his faults and hold himself accountable when he’s in the wrong. The last thing he wants is to hurt you, and if he does by accident, the first thing he’s gonna do is try to fix things and make you feel better.

He’s kind of indifferent about PDA, doesn’t mind it, doesn't hate it. He does like it when you hold his hand, although he’d get moderately flustered and have to keep his cool.

NSFW below!! Be warned!

Like I wrote in my other post, he’s likely to be very shy in the bedroom. It’d take a while for him to warm up to it, and he gets flustered embarrassingly easily.

He’s decent at being dominant, although it’d take a bit for him to get good at building up that persona. He wants to do what you like, so he doesn’t risk doing anything that might make you uncomfortable.

He can top if he really tries though, it’d take a couple tries but he’d eventually get decently good at it!

In my humble opinion, I like to think of Fidds as a sub-switch. He doesn’t mind topping, but he’s not the best at it. Asks you a lot if he’s doing okay or if you’re enjoying yourself.

I think he’d really enjoy being a submissive top with a dominant bottom. He’d like being told what to do, especially if you’re ordering him to do it.

Praise kink praise kink praise kink!!!!! Oh my god, call him pretty boy/good boy or anything along those lines and his mind will fizzle out. Tell him he’s doing a good job too.

You have to encourage him to touch you at times. His hands would hover above your waist, desperately craving to grip it but not wanting to hurt you unless you tell him outright that you want him to. Even then, he’d be gentle so as to not rough you up too bad.

If you top him, he gets adorably flustered and embarrassed. Insists that “he should be the one pleasuring you”, and you have to reassure him that this is more than pleasing for you.

He can’t keep quiet for the life of him. Even if you cover his mouth he can’t help the whimpers and whines that escape.

He’s not particularly good at making out, but he enjoys it. Whimpers and swears into your mouth because he can’t help himself.

He covers his face with both hands with an embarrassed groan if you talk dirty to him. It's not that he doesn’t like it, no, he just gets so embarrassingly turned on that he can’t handle it.

[strayheartless]

AGSZC and being read to:

Inspired by this ask answer by @rottenpumpkin13 ❤️

I do not apologise for the amount of pain I’m inflicting recently. But know that I am also in pain.😅

Angeal: bedtime stories were important to Angeal’s bedtime routine growing up. He liked when his dad read to him because he did all the voices and made shadow puppets on the wall with the bedside lamp. They couldn’t always afford books, but there was a local library and Gillian seemed keen for him to be imaginative and creative.

As he got older, guided reading homework was a good way to spend one on one time with either parent, and Angeal lived for calm evenings sat leaning on his father as his mother cooked dinner and Angeal read aloud bolstered by their soft praise.

As an adult Angeal is less interested in fiction and fantasy, instead loving history and horticulture books. He does enjoy fiction about self discovery -especially if the protagonist is escaping to heal in nature- but he mostly likes to learn when he reads.

Genesis: As one would expect, Genesis lives for reading. As a child His Nannie read to him and her soothing Banoran lilt smoothed out any of that anxious energy that bothered him though the day. For Genesis one of the most painful things about his childhood was that his mother never read to him. She was never in the mood to listen to him read and even when they had mother son days, she would send him to bed with a promise of tucking him in and saying goodnight, and never would. These were times when little Genesis sat on the end of the bed all night waiting with a story book in his little hands and his heart hurting.

As an adult Genesis is most offended when people complain about his reading aloud. It helps him self sooth and he will literally read anything put in front of him ms LOVELESS will always be his comfort read, but he has been known to enjoy vampire romance and high fantasy novels too.

Genesis is at his most relaxed when reading to his friends or when Angeal or Sephiroth return the favour by reading to him. As kids he and Angeal read to eachother and it’s Genesis’ safe place to be read to by him. Sephiroth’s voice is, however, the one that can put Genesis to sleep in a good way. It is an extremely important part of a bonding process to Genesis that he can share language and stories with them in this way. His friends understand that this is Genesis’ most intimate love language.

Sephiroth: he was never read to as a child, unless you count that short barely remembered time with professor Gast. He also has a vague memory of a brown haired woman who smelled like flowers and dirt but he doesn’t know who she was. He read aloud alone or with his tutors and it always felt sterile and uncomfortable growing up.

As an adult he craves being read to like nothing he’s ever craved before. It aches so painfully that Angeal and Genesis see it on his face when they do. There has been many times when they have tactfully not drawn attention to the tears he sheds when Angeal reads him a kids book he’d never had the chance to read. They never point out that he clings to Genesis like a enraptured toddler when he shows him illustrations in his book of folk law. Reading out loud is still extremely difficult for Sephiroth, and he’s not always comfortable enough to do it. But the nights that he is are so special that none of them talk, just bask in it.

Zack: Zack is not a big reader. He wasn’t really very creative as a child and bedtime stories were kind of lost on him due to his attention wandering. His mother created a way to engage him creatively by telling stories in a “choose your own adventure” kind of way that had Zack moving and thinking but this didn’t really work for bedtime.

Growing up getting Zack to do his reading logs was a pain because he hated being made to sit and look. He did it, but it was an ordeal for everyone involved.

As an adult Zack still doesn’t really get any pleasure from reading or being read to. He can’t sit still long enough and prefers movies and video games. He likes things that keep him moving and engaged.

Cloud: reading with his mama was always Clouds safe place as a child. A lot of his childhood was spent with his nose stuck firmly in a book as he leant against his Mama’s legs as she washed dishes; or curling up in blankets but he fire listening to her read. This makes reading an incredibly personal thing to him and it horrified him to find out that Sephiroth never had that, and that Zack didn’t want it.

For Cloud the only bright spots of his childhood were the books he read with his mother and the moments they shared together. It was the time he felt the most loved and when it’s gone Cloud finds that the ache is one that never leaves. He doesn’t read like that with anyone else until Denzel and Marlene, and he hopes that they have the same associations with his voice as he had with his mothers.

He finds comfort in listening to others read and like Genesis it is one of his most intimate love language but you have to be truely special for Cloud to share that with you.

[soggyriceee]

Hey girlie!! So I saw the “I’m fine” one you did with Captain price and I absolute loved! (u’re so creative, it’s impressive) anyway I wanted to ask if you could do something similar for König maybe?

Like how it went after “strawberry” please 🫶🏻

im fine | Konig

summary: request

lowkey sub Konig but like.. he’s topping??? oral(f!recieving), fingering, unprotected p in v, both of you guys are some horny desperate fucks

Konig hadn't touched you for a while. it was becoming more he was scared of you than just not interested in having sex. he wouldn't cuddle you, not unless you explicitly asked. even then he was always tense and sort of standoffish about it. he rarely kissed you, scared he'd grab you for a kiss a way that scared you or made you uncomfortable. he was genuinely scared of you and scared of hurting you.

but you hated that. it made you feel like had you not passed out and said that word, you guys would be good now. but it was too late. the trauma from that night sticking with both of you. and Konig wasn't trying to make it that way. he did often kiss you but very quickly, he would hold your hand but very loosely. hugs were spread thin. he was so upset with himself still, he hadn't realized his distance was disturbing you.

so tonight you had decided to have a sit down conversation with him about it. because you needed more than what you were getting. it was affecting the relationship and your own anxiety tremendously. you needed his touch, romantically ad sexually. it had literally been three months.

you had been on the phone with your friend about this for a while, shopping for dinner tonight. " I think its good to open up about that to him. in my opinion sex plays a major role in a healthy long lasting relationship." she said as you stepped up to the self checkout POS. "I know.. im making a really nice dinner tonight hopefully it will get him to listen more. do you think that'd work?" you asked, tapping your, well his, card.

your friend was extremely supportive of your communication with him about your sex life. she didnt understand the concept of being with one lover. often times she blamed it on her parental issues. but despite her lack of understanding for that, she always tried to give you the best, most logical advice she could. "I think whatever you do, this man will listen to you. I dont think you need to cook a whole meal, but it could help. but hold on, one of my hookups are calling." and quickly the call ended.

the drive home was silent for you. your usual music now paused. you were too caught up in thinking the night over, you were manually driving at this point. you hadn't even fully processed that you were pulling into your driveway until you saw your neighbor wave at you. you smiled, giving a small wave back as you put the car in break.

as you stepped into the house, bags in hand, the house was pretty quiet. Konig was awake when you left, cleaning the kitchen since you had done the shopping. you placed the bags on the kitchen floor, looking around the spacious house for your tall boyfriend. but he wasn't in sight.

instead of putting the groceries away, risking the ice cream melting in the bag, you made your way upstairs, looking at the photos of you an Konig on different vacations you took together. as you reached the bedroom, you heard what would usually turn you on, but this time made you panic. you heard Konigs moans. and another woman.

now, of course, this is a heart stopping moment for anyone. whether it was just porn and physically another woman, he was getting off to another woman. and maybe thats just the thoughts forming from how distant Konig's been recently. but you felt like throwing up in that instant.

but when you softly pushed the door open, your anxiety somewhat smoothed out. the more you opened the door, the more it sounded like you. as the door opened enough for you to see Konig, you were meet with one of the most unholy sights.

on the bed, Konig had his head thrown back, whimpers leaving his slightly parted lips. as you moved down his body, you took into mind the sweat on his neck, his slightly shaking legs and curled toes. and while all of the was hot to you, what was most appealing about this scene was what was in his hands. in his left held his phone, an old video of him pounding into you missionary, focusing on your boobs bouncing up and down as he thrusted into you. in his right h however, was a pair of your red laced panties, his hand moving them up and down his cock.

you let out a quiet whimper at the scene, watching as his hand picked up speed as your voice in the phone cried out "im cumming". it was a bit embarrassing to hear yourself play back, but you didnt care about that. you were too focused on Konig. "m-me too like.. cum with me" he groaned out in response to you in the video, his hips bucking up. as soon as you came in the video, he came too. his hand dropped his phone, gripping onto the sheets instead as his cum covered your panties, some of it seeping through the thin cloth and onto his chest or thighs.

his breath was shaky, eyes slowly opening from the high. he hadn’t realized you in the door yet, so this was your time to escape. but of course, with your luck and horrible timing, your alarm for your birth control went off. you both jumped, your body shifting backwards to leave the room but tripping over your self in the hurry, falling to the floor. “i-i’m so sorry i j-just heard something and wanted to see what it was i -“

Konig quickly stood from the bed, pulling his pajama pants up and walking over to you. “no i’m sorry i shouldn’t have- i should have heard the car.” he lifted you up, walking you to the bed. “is your foot okay? did you land on it weird?” he asked softly, kneeling down to take your shoes off and examine your ankle. “no.. i’m okay.” you replied.

it was silent for a moment, his hand wrapped around your ankle even though he was done checking on you. but after a bit it got uncomfortable and you decided to talk first.

“do i not satisfy you anymore?” you blurted out, swallowing the tears and lump in your throat. his head shot up, shaking it quickly. “no no i just.. i don’t know. everytime i imagine me making a move i get scared you’ll push me away or remember what happened last time and.. i don’t know.” he said, looking down.

again silence filled the room. “i wouldn’t push you away, Konig. it was an accident. and we talked it out the same night. but don’t you see the effect it’s had on us? we barely even kiss now.” you said, looking at his lowered head. “i know.. im sorry libe. i just don’t want to hurt you again.”

he finally looked up at you, head resting on your thigh. his fingers danced up your opposite inner thigh, maintaining eye contact. a blush spread across your face, looking away from him. “what?” he asked softly, stopping right before your clothes pussy. you looked back at him, swallowing. “j-just been a while since you touched me like that. a bit nervous.” you chuckled.

he hummed softly before shifting, his head raising from your thigh. “lay back for me.” he said, raising the dress up your body to your hips. before you could respond, you were gently pushed down, Konigs other hand on your hip. “this is me apologizing.” he said before disappearing between your thighs.

his fingers curled around your panties, pulling them down to your ankles. grabbing either one, he rested them on his shoulder before leaning down, connecting his lips to your pussy. gasping, you closed your eyes.

his tongue ran up and down your slit slowly, circling gently at the clit every time. he moaned into your pussy, hands finding your hips and gripping them firmly. he pulled your clit between his lips, sucking gently as he mixed his saliva and your wetness together. “f-fuck Koni~” you whined, fingers finding his hair.

he groaned at that, using it as motivation to keep fucking your pussy onto his face. “missed this pussy so much mien libe.. tastes so fucking good.” he groaned, moving your hips against his face. his tongue moved around to spell his own name over and over, claiming your pussy as his. but that was a given.

while his tongue abused your swollen clit, his hand snuck under your thigh, allowing two of his long, slim fingers to slide into your cunt. gasping, your back arched slightly off the bed. “y-yes Koni just like that.” you cried out, pulling him deeper into your pussy.

his fingers moved in a “come here” motion in your warm pussy, his tongue still spelling his own name on your clit. your legs slightly raised from off his shoulders, toes curled as he fucked his fingers in you faster.

Konig was so painfully hard at this point, his tip leaking pre cum all over. he was breathing heavy in your pussy, motivated to keep going more and more. “keep going baby.. i’m so close.” you cried, opening your eyes finally to look down at him. he heard you, just was too lost in your pussy to even respond.

your slick covered his fingers, making a light sloppy sound as he pushed them in and out. “hear that libe? pussy is so wet for me. my poor baby needed this so bad didn’t she?” he cooed, opening his eyes to look up at your face, your mouth slightly opened and eyes rolled back. you couldn’t even respond to him, you were too focused on the orgasm coming quick and fast.

your stomach twisted and your pussy clenched around his fingers and he knew you were close. your legs shook a bit more, hands moving to the sheets. “coming Koni i-i’m coming.” you cried, feeling your orgasm shake your whole body.

now since you and Konig hadn’t had much of a sexual life, this orgasm shook your whole body anew. your eyes rolled back, his name rolling off your tongue loudly as your orgasm sprayed on his face. he chuckled, dragging his tongue flat against your pussy. “yea libe that’s it. keep coming for me such a good fucking girl.” he groaned, slowing his fingers down inside your pussy.

your body rested flat on the mattress, legs still shaking gently as you came down from your orgasm. Konig stayed between your legs, licking up the last bit of cum around your pussy. “you taste so good maus.. wanna sample?” he smirked, raising his body to press his lips against yours.

as you both made out, his hands gripped the back of your thighs, pushing them up. his hips humped against yours, feeling his cock press against your pussy. the kiss was deep, passionate. his hand snuck around the side of your neck, gripping it firmly as his tongue danced with yours.

“please Koni.. need you.” you whimpered, thrusting your hips up to meet his. he smirked, pulling away from your lips as a line of saliva connected you both. “i know libe.. need you too.”

he stood, pulling his sweats down to reveal his fully hard cock, tip bright red as pre cum leaked from the tip. his hand gripped it, pumping it while he looked at your shiny pussy. “think it’s ready for me libe? think this tight cunt can take it?” he asked, rubbing his leaking tip against your already wet pussy. you whined, moving up to try and get him to slide even the tip in.

he looked down at you, slapping his cock against your pussy. “want it that bad libe? take it. go on.” he said, repositioning the way he was standing, resting his hands on your knees as your legs were already on either side of his waist.

your hand reached down, pulling him gently into your pussy. he huffed out, gripping your knees as a small gasp left your lips. “oh fuck.” he groaned, closing his eyes as he bottomed out in you. your hips connected, his tip hitting your womb entrance. “come on then.. fuck me.” you said confidently, looking up at him.

he chuckled, looking down to you as his hands slid down your legs to your hips. he slid all the way out your pussy before pushing back in, both of you letting out a whimper. “are you okay?” he asked, sliding back out. you gave him a quick nod, looking up at him. “don’t be a pussy.. come on. fuck me.” you demanded.

he grinned , pushing back in before finding a steady deep pace. your hands found his forearms, gripping them tightly as he plundered into your pussy, sliding in and out with ease. his head threw back, mouth falling open. “missed this pussy so much libe.. takes my cock so well doesn’t it.” he moaned, nails digging into your skin.

“yea? y-you love this pussy h-huh?” yoh moaned, clenching around him. he whimpered a yes, looking down at you. “so much libe.” he whined, picking up the pace slightly. his tip brushed against your womb, making your eyes roll back. konig raised one of his legs, resting his knee on the mattress as he lifted your hips up slightly. of course, this new angle only made the both of you louder.

“fuck it’s so good Koni” you whined, your fingers moving down your body to your swollen clit again. he was so lost in your pussy once again, he couldn’t even form a coherent sentence.

in fact, his mind was so full of your pussy, he hadn’t even realized how close he actually was to filling you up. “s-so close.. gonna fill this tight pussy up.” he moaned, looking down at you. you both made eye contact, only adding to the sexiness of the moment.

from impulse, your hand reached up to his throat. and this surprisingly got a positive reaction from Konig. “fuck libe.. your so fucking hot. g-gonna make me cum.” he moaned, pounding into you faster. as his hips moved faster against yours, you both felt your orgasms taking over.

“come in me Koni.. please.” you whined, gripping his throat harder. as you did so, his legs shook slightly, feeling all his come shoot out into you. “fuck come on me libe.. c-cum on me please.” he whined, body collapsing over your. his hips kept the pace just enough for you to cum over him as well, body shaking beneath him as your grip on his throat loosened.

both of you laid their peacefully, panting as your orgasms came and went. your eyes shut closed and the last thing you were able to hear from Konig was

“i love you more than i can express.”

aghhhh i hope you all liked this one xoxoxoxoxo

[system-of-a-feather]

Full Integration, Final Fusion, Functional Multiplicitly, and General "Spirituality"

(Disclaimer: this is a very long post)

Heyyo, this is a bit of a hodgepodge of connected topics that I was thinking on this morning. For those that don't know, after like three months of being a really solid fused whole, we really decided that we needed to redivide back into our core parts to recenter, rebalance, and reorganize ourselves since our fused whole was loosing sight / vision of the "plot". We don't consider this "splitting" because we are still in - what we like to call "full integration" - and we don't really engage in much dissociation when we do this as the means of how we do this largely stems from the way we perceive, engage with, and view the concept of "self" and "identity." Our system highly values the mastery and art of a very fluid and ever changing sense of identity and self. This morning - thank you Chunn brain for batting our collective brain from the usual urge to get out of bed and get started with our day to give us time to really sit with our inner selves - we spent about an hour and a half and a small half hour nap just laying there thinking among ourselves and I wanted to share a few.

I think at the moment I am still mostly a fused whole and I had considered trying to go to Ray or Lin for them to write this, but it didn't feel right to go to Ray brain and Lin brain directly told me "Dude, this thought line started with Riku-dominant fused brain, trying to have someone else write it would be a disservice to the reflection. Let Riku or Riku-dominant fused brain do it, it's their thought." and you know, fair point. I think I'll use this post as a temporary "bye few thoughts" and love letter to our parts as a fused whole before leaving it to the individual specialists to do their things.

So introduction to this post aside, hello and temporary soon to be farewell before I choose to temporarily redivide into my main parts. Today is May 15, 2024 and I'm gonna document this a bit for when I come back whenever that is and kind of see if my fused-whole perspective and nature changes - mostly for myself. Online I go by Feathers, irl I just go by our chosen name.

I'm a (mostly, technically non-denominational independent, but most of my views and perspectives come from and align closely with) Zen Buddhist. I'm nonbinary vaguely transmasc (not really though?) intersex individual with the pronouns of they/them. I am extremely pro-endo and if I honestly felt like sticking around longer, I was thinking about writing a much more nuanced essay on tulpa-terminology discourse with my current reflections as a fused whole and as a pretty avid Buddhist but, unforunately, unless one of my parts still shares the same insight AND interest, that essay will have to wait for me to potentially be back (hey, Riku or Chunn might still want to who knows). I dunno what else to say, I love bird, Bleach, walking, driving, listening to music, video games, writing, art? I dunno man, I'm just me.

Documentation aside anyways, I gotta figure out where I want to start. I think I will actually piss my high-school English teachers off and start with the LAST thing in the title card. I might loose a lot of close minded white anti-endos here, but hey, if you are that close minded, then its your loss cause I'm just talking about late-stage recovery as a person with diagnosed DID that is considered polyfragmented. It's a fun conversation to have with other people with DID aiming for recovery so, if you're hell bent on hating people talking about plurality form a non-DID lens enough to disregard cool information, that's your loss. (Thank you XIV brain, crediting that to you for part of our goal today)

Buddhism, Spirituality, Plurality and Our Perspective of Full Integration

According to Buddhism, and one of the largest concepts and principles of Buddhism that we believe the most in and actively work to practice and cultivate the mindset of - is that the concept of "I" and the concept of a singular, distinct, and separate self from the world and others simply does not exist - only the experience and illusion of experience exists. I was talking about it with @quoigenicfromhell in DMs since they were interested in talking shop about Buddhism.

To save myself a whole effort of rewriting a discussion on how one can hold together the clear sensation of existing and being an individual with the idea and Buddhist understanding that the "self" does not exist, I'm going to copy a little bit of what I wrote in response to them. If it doesn't make sense cause its in a bit of Buddhist jargon, then oh well, I'm lazy, it's written for an audience that has done some reading and looking into Buddhist thought so RIP yall srry not srry (Thank you Chunn brain lol)

Honestly the development and understanding of holding those two things together (the non-self and non-existence with the clear experience of self and existence) is largely a lot of exploration on the understanding and respect for the experience without applying too much value or regard to said experience. Its kind of a hard thing to understand just based off of words alone and like all things Buddhism, its one of those sorts of things you really gotta sit on and explore in your own mental space, but like

The experience of self and personhood and existence is a denied concept in Buddhist thought, but its not a bad or incorrect thing, the experience of self and existence is kind of considered an inherent expression of life and the world and while its important to be cognicent that it is an illusion that can cause suffering and muddy an individuals ability to see Things As They Are, the experience and illusion of self is additionally an entirely natural thing to experience and is an important part of being able to, well, be

I kinda of personally perceive it kind of similarly to say a part in a system. Innately the part is not (at least in my experiences of systemhood) a literal entire separate being and thats an important thing to acknowledge for a number of reasons (life organization and direction, system accountability, etc) but its would also be incredibly foolish to completely ignore that the part operates, experiences themselves, and lives in the world (both inner and outer) as if they were an individual of their own

In the same sense that a part in a system can be seen both as an individual and a part of a whole / collective depending on what perspective and demands the moment needs. An individual can be seen both as the individual expression of a self informed by the arguably incorrect illusion of isolation OR as a part of the whole worlds expression depending on what serves the moment the best. I largely kind of see myself as part of a system that is the world much like I see my parts as part of a system that is "me". While the self may be an illusion, its not an experience that can be denied and it is an innate expression that in its own right can prove to be a great teacher So you deny the concept of a self but respect and revere the experience and innate natural expression of self

With that context in mind, while we do not believe in the concept of self and find that trying to seek out a concrete idea of a singular person and singular self in society is a source of extreme suffering, stress, and displeasure, we DEEPLY revere and honor the expression of self. As we see it, in a complete ideal and impossible the world would be in perfect harmony if we let the world express itself as it naturally does. We find that the experiences of self - in whatever form they take - are inherent and natural expressions of the world as a whole and to try to shape oneself to fit a specific image - may that be societally imposed or internally / personally imposed or a sense of envy or any sort of clinging or desire to a specific version / image of self - is a disrespect to the innate beauty found in the natural expression and a means of adding disharmony into the world.

As a result, our system and whole aims deeply, above almost all else to exist simply as we naturally would in any moment time to time. If we find that something we are doing with our sense of self is drawn and influenced too much on a "I should" or "I want" or "I wish" or "I hope" then we tend to pause, self reflect, and ask if we are actually existing in our natural state, or are we trying to fight against our natural state of self to fit into a self-imposed idea of what we "should be".

As a result of that, our system deeply values our flexibility, fluidity, and ability to change any aspect of ourselves, any opinion we hold, any identity label we consider, and our overall presentation in all ways and forms to a very high level. The desire to be consistent and predictable serves us little in simply practicing on "being" and finding the true and simply-run life that we want. That then results in why our system so casually flips around in system size, fusions, redivisions, how we refer to ourselves, etc. We find very little value in committing to labels and concepts and do whatever is natural for us.

Additionally, another large aspect of Buddhism our system deeply reveres and appreciates is the acknowledgement that there are "Buddhas" - or in less Jargon terms, potential for everything both internal and external to be teachers and guides into finding a sense of peace and simplicity in the world - and that it is deeply important to cultivating peace, happiness, and insight to actively always be seeking out the "Buddha" in everything and everyone. It's important to reflect, engage with, and talk with those "Buddhas" as they are the best and number one way to gain the insight that brings happiness and peace into life and removes excessive suffering and stress.

As many Buddhists agree (at least of the Mahayanan branches), everyone is inherently a Buddha because the world and everything is a Buddha. The only issue people have is that they can not connect, hear, and see clearly enough to be in that state due to a large number of human conditions - one large one being the aforementioned illusion of self.

Having lived my life as someone with DID and having gone through a lot of trauma therapy, self reflection, communication and coordination with my parts, and all that to the point we have reached functional multiplicity over a year plus ago and been able to hold a fully fused state for over three months, I feel like its a given to say that of ALL things in the world, the "Buddha nature" of my parts have been the best and most insightful teachers I've ever had. We revere each other's strengths and specialties greatly as each of us have taught the other great strengths, great understandings, great insights, and great appreciations that have collectively brought us so much peace and happiness. It's not to say any part is "enlightened" because each part is also deeply flawed and struggling in their own realms, but it is largely by working and talking and supporting one another and ACTIVELY looking to one another for insight and lessons about the world and our existence that we are able to reach a uniquely peaceful space.

For us, its an incredibly important practice - both for self care and in the art / spirituality of Buddhism - to regularly talk and engage with these specialized and uniquely-wise (and uniquely stupid - thank you XIV) parts of ourselves to gain deeper insight and overall understanding of ourselves and our place in the world.

In the same sense, it is why - despite being completely capable of operating as a fully fused whole - we regularly choose to INTENTIONALLY redivide into our parts. And no, its not us "splitting again" or even really throwing up any real level of dissociation / dissociative barriers. If anything, we usually do this through meditation and mindfulness.

It's a Buddhist practice, its not a mental disorder and its not stemming from the same mechanism's DID stems from. It might operate *based* on the foundation our history with DID stems from, but at this point in our healing, the way our system operates at functional multiplicity that is intentionally chosen to be that way AFTER reaching "final fusion" has a number of differences from how it operated before we reached general full integration.

Again, for those more familiar with the tulpa-terminology discussion, you might be able to see where I would have a long post delving into a highly nuanced and more middle-ground perspective of that syscourse from the paragraph above this one, but I'm gonna leave that cause I already know this post is long and it would detract from the purpose.

At this point, my system is mostly an "intentionally created one" to Western label standards. We personally do not see any significance or binary in plural VS singular people beyond it being a label some people identify with and not. Plural VS Singular is a false binary perpetuated in white, western, and european society and while I respect that perspective and view in a space that is primarily filled with white, western, and/or european individuals, I am going to firmly state that and expect you to give me that same respect. (and if you refuse to give me that same respect, then you are close minded and being very white / western lmao <- thank you XIV, again)

And so the other related but slightly different topic away from the more philosophical, esoteric, mysticism sounding topic of Buddhism...

Full Integration, Final Fusion, and Functional Multiplicitly

At this point, what we used to call "Wishiwashi Recovery" we kind of have taken to just calling "full integration" generally as a means of really breaking apart the suggested categorical and boxed binary of "final fusion" and "functional multiplicity" as our own experience and discussion with other systems at and near full integration have made us realize that the difference between functional multiplicity and final fusion is FAR more a spectrum than it is two seperate categories. Some systems stick to one end, some to the others, but the largest difference is in external and internal expression of the parts and less any fundamental or biological / clinical difference; at least not in terms of integration. (Note: Integration =/= Fusion; Integration is the general connectivity and accessibility of parts with less / limited / no dissociation)

It's a false binary to say Final Fusion or Functional Multiplicity and its why a lot of the "ones bad and ones good" syscourse is dumb. They're two heads of the same Doduo and they should be kissing. (JOKING, thank you Riku-Aya brain)

With that said, our system, as we've made clear, regularly and freely practices sliding and flying all over that spectrum as just how we like to engage with ourselves. We change between the two as we see fit and having spent probably like 9~ months in functional multiplicity and 3~ months in final fusion I wanted to share some pros and cons of both sides.

I would also like to put a disclaimer that this isn't meant to be "positives and why this side sucks" as much as it is the differences in life style according to our opinion and our experience. Both final fusion and functional multiplicity are absolutely WONDERFUL things overall and we love both states. If we got "stuck" in either, we would still be immensely happy. The purpose of this part is just to share certain differences in how we experience the two different ends. The Cons in these case are only "cons" relative to the "alternative" and not "to not ever reaching either"

Functional Multiplicity Pros:

A lot more clear and direct communication between parts internally that allows for a SHIT ton of internal banter, productive conversation about complex topic and perspectives from unique and diverse perspectives; the communication is a lot more intentional and a lot more in focus so its easier to properly sit and attend to the complex differences and sometimes conflicting directions

It's honestly just a lot of fun, not gonna lie. A lot more dramatic and extravagant expression + brain friends in a more overt sense

Easier to let certain parts of the brain take "breaks" - it's not the same as it is with not-fully-integrated DID but compared to Full Fusion, certain parts of the brain can "tune out" easier than not

More palatable to DID / OSDD spaces online

Easier to focus and use a wide variety of skills, interests, hobbies, and thinking patterns by simply just having a specialist part take their look at it

Generally easier to target specific boxes to look into as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Pros:

Quick and a lot more inherent understanding of all parts on a general gut level without necessarily needing to fully think about everything and listen to every opinion and perspective; there is a lot more of an inherent understanding, trust, and awareness of the collective whole which makes decision making and seeing whats good for the system as a whole a lot easier

It's honestly way more calming, relaxing, and solid feeling. There is a unique sense of confidence, understanding, and trust within yourself and you have a HUGE arsenal of skills and interests that come from the combined parts that you've lived as

You are a lot more present and aware of your life and you actually get to live YOUR life and have all parts of yourself be engaged in life; no part feels really left behind or is caught off guard from having their brain partially turned off. The awareness is really present and engagement is so much more complete.

More palatable in real life and non-DID/OSDD spaces

Easier to simultaneously use skills from multiple parts at once; very much a jack of all trades all at once situation

Generally easier to integrate multiple complex and otherwise seemingly detatched boxes of memory and the past as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Functional Multiplicity Cons:

Takes more intention, focus, and often time to get the same level of full understanding of the whole system when making decisions. It can be slow and it requires a lot more internal engagement which can make it harder to be fully present in life

Sometimes you can get what I call "lite" amnesia where a part was not paying attention and doesn't fully process what was going on / what is going on and so sometimes you get poor attention-driven "amnesia". It's small and easily recovered by simply going "hold up wait" and thinking back or asking another part

Harder to use skills from different parts at the same time; albeit definitely still possible and only "harder" relative to final fusion

Generally harder / requires intentional discussion between parts to integrate multiple complex boxes as you process all the newly accessible memories and information from being highly / fully integrated

Final Fusion Cons:

Less direct and overt bantering and discussion between parts (still present by the way, just less frequent and less overt). It can be a little less fun (still is fun cause they are sill there) and it can be a bit harder to fully see the extent of a more extreme perspective

It can be tiring and overwhelming to be aware and present so much for so long if you were accustomed to the breaks DID / OSDD tends to give parts

Easier to forget to use a lot of the skills and hobbies that may have been more niche to less-dominant and less-prominent parts; you don't "loose" the skills, you just aren't accustomed to using them as much so you can just kinda forget to use them

Harder to focus on a targetted recovered memory / information that you want to process and can sometimes be a bit overwhelming trying to connect a number of things at once

And this is all just to say that both are absolutely astonishing and great places to mentally be. The main point is that - for us - sometimes one state works better for us in the moment and another state works better for us later and that's completely cool cause - as aforementioned - the difference between plural vs singular is not a binary one for us anyways.

Anyways, I don't know how to wrap this up so I'mma just post it

Ideally today we will focus on cultivating our independent parts and return to Functional Multiplicity end of the spectrum so I guess tata for now

-Feathers

EDIT and PS: Anyone is allowed to add their thoughts to this so long it is in good faith.

[stuffed-gutz]

if I can b honest for a second.. I really really really hate people who position themselves as sex positive while being very puritanical & judgemental about other people's preferences or like. Negative and mean about kinks and virginity.

Someone I know said recently that kinks like ryona are ones only virgins have bc they have no real sexual experience, and how gross it is because of that, while this person also positions themselves as sex/kink positive. That really rubs me the wrong way!!

There's nothing wrong with purely fictional kinks, and there's nothing wrong with being a virgin, and there's nothing wrong with having extreme kinks AND being a virgin.

We live in a culture that's hyper obsessed with sex while also being extremely judgemental and gross about how other people are or aren't having it, and its literally setting up a scenario where you lose no matter what unless you're having PIV missionary sex within marriage with the lights off.

This is why we need freaks and weirdos now more than ever tbqh

[macabresymphonies]

With the news of cancellation of Good Omens S3 into a 90 minute finale I sort of find myslef reminicing about where does the border between seperating art from the artist lie.

As a preface I'm gonna say I don't have any particular attachment to Gaiman's body of work as a whole. Western comics were never really popular where I'm from outside of extremely niche circles that graduated into standard niche circles only recently, with Gaiman's visual and literary works included. So this opinion does not stem from any particular nostalgic place. As far as I'm aware the situation is currently still under investigation, but there is concrete proof that Gaimain is, by the traditional definition, no longer considered a "good person" or at least not aligning with his previous public persona. I'm not really an authority to speak on the topics involved in the scandal and I'm really here just to ramble on my own personal blog about art and artist relationship, I'll leave the rest to people who know what they are talking about. Good? Good.

I know it's easy for to denounce, degrade or disprove work made by people we find out were some sort of morally corrupt or did awful stuff in their life. This usually stems from the fact it's hard to believe someboy who's in empathetic and introspective enough to write about topics that resonate with many people so well would still choose to hurt vulnerable people around them or to generally engage in activities that mean to do harm to others.

If we take JK Rowling for example, as heartbreaking as it must have been for most fans of her works to find out about her hate campaigns and such, if we look objectively at the body of work in question it was already brought many times it was a bit problematic. Class issues, race issues, character development and morality weren't really well handeled topics in her books and the whole pedestal was really based more on the whimsy of it or mythos that people enjoyed getting immersed into. Even that was put into question with many plagarism allegations, as such, while flabbergasting from a fan's perspective, from outsider's perspective it wasn't really that thought provoking. "Bad person's books turn out to be pretty bad after all" type of situation that's pretty common among people, especially with writing that's generally consider to be "cool", but ultimetly hollow when it comes to emotional stakes.

Another thing is actors that did bad or immoral things. Generally unless an actor doubles as a writer for stuff they star in, it's not hard to imagine that they are actually wicked people behind the curtain. It was a "funny movie trivia" for years that some actors who played the sweetest most innocent characters on screen were awful when the cameras stopped rolling so it's not that hard to detach yourself from their work. Especially when you consider that it's technically not their work to begin with, just because Bratt Pitt plays an important character in Fight Club, does not mean the whole movie should be shunned, because that's just punishing other actors, director, screenwriters even the OG book's author for sins of one person who's personal life was irrelevant to the work in question.

Gaiman is a special case to me, because despite his actions, his work has been universally regarded as very emotional, empathetic and generally very introspective. I was not an avid fan but I did see merit in his work and ideas he helped create. To write stuff like that you need to be in some way selfaware of your own morality and emotions while also being an empathetic enough to be able to imagine how your characters feel. He touched upon a lot of topics, including stuff he's accused of, while also getting praised on how he handled them.

We want to seperate art from the artist and claim it's impossible only when that art relates directly to the artist's immoral deeds (like in Jeepers Creepers), but to me it's just that we don't want to consider the fact that somebody can be so introspective and emapthetic and STILL use their position to hurt people. To write about the emotional damage caused by cruelty and malice of others and then do the same is incomprensible to us and it either speaks really badly about the person or about our understanding of what it means for somebody to be a "bad person".