#uh it got a bit long but yeah
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my thoughts on roach having a journal:
i think it’s a tattered thing that’s bursting at the seams. to me, roach is the kind of person who uses something to the point where it’s unrecognizable.
so for his journal, the bundle of pages is near completely separate from the cracked leather binding. and he doesn’t know how to fix it so he just wraps a rubber band over it twice over and tosses it in his bag. whenever he runs out of paper, he just stuffs more at the end. the pages in the beginning are yellowed from the dirt while the ends are usually a crisp white.
there’s an egregious use of post-its. either things that he remembers after the initial entry, doodles, or him wanting to provide smaller details that don’t really apply to the writings but still feels worthy of remembering. he likes to look at it from the side and see the vibrant pinks, greens, and yellows of the post-its throughout the journal.
he tried at first to keep it neat but he just gets too into the writing and suddenly his words are tipping downwards, out of line. his pencil has ripped through many pages because his emotions can get overwhelming, slaps a post-it right over that too. the ink always changes entry to entry and is slightly smudged.
unlike soap’s journal that’s filled with drawings, roach tapes things that he’s found into it. he likes how physical it is, likes running his fingers over the textures till the item softens and slightly loses form. when that happens, he tapes a big strip of transparent tape over it.
he just doesn’t really trust himself to catch all the details and that’s something so intensely important to him, so he’d rather steal a piece of that reality and keep it close.
#i think it’s cute that roach and soap are journal buddies#just some of my headcanons if they would like to PROVE ME WRONG AND RELEASE HIS JOURNAL? i would be happy#gary roach sanderson#roach cod#uh it got a bit long but yeah#roach’s journal#southro headcanons#i’m gonna go eat now i had to get this out of my head#god i have too many typos and grammar mistakes i’m embarrassed
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I feel like SV girlies haven't seriously considered "codependent mutually obsessive JuliNemo" yet and that's a shame, really. I've seen a lot of wholesome ChampionRank (really cute but a rehash of every wholesome yuri I've ever seen, not much original content here and that's okay) and one-sided obsessive yandere!Nemona ChampionRank (REALLY do not like the villainization of Nemona's neurodivergence but eh, you can do whatever you want forever) but not as much "these two get on like a house on fire. and boy, it's dry season" ChampionRank.
Where is "battle-hungry socially starved trainwrecks who have no one but each other" JuliNemo. Where is "oh god these two exacerbate each others issues into the stratosphere and this can only end in disaster but I can't look away" JuliNemo. Where is "bringing out the worst in each other and scaring the hoes" JuliNemo. Where is "you two are perfect for each other. Never change, just never involve anyone else in any of this" JuliNemo. There's so much potential here. Toxic codependent yuri save me
#pokémon#pokemon sv#championrankshipping#julinemo#babbles#my juliana is such a mess#she does not make friends easily and can't keep relationships for long at all#whenever someone enters her life she aants to make the best impression so she lovebombs them incessantly#and that either comes across as too much too fast or causes people to get too attached.#but she's young. she is very young. and the people who bothered to match her energy had ulterior motives#so now she's too afraid of getting too close to someone#she'll act the part but never show her true self#and at the slightest hint of genuine connection she'll RUN.#this of course clashes horribly with Nemona's own overbearing personality and loneliness#you know how she wants you to be her ideal rival. and you end up becoming exactly that.#yeah to my Juliana this was kind of a nightmare because. as much as this toed her boundaries#she isn't so inept as to not recognize a bit of herself in Nemona. so she decided to ride this out and appease her#and UH OH! she got attached. fear and need for control and validation from feeling wanted mixed in her head#and she started matching Nemona's energy and the two jumped into dating too fast and oops. they're codependent now#they literally can't handle being away from each other for more than two days or they start going feral#i wish i had the energy to write this one because i'm fascinated by this horrible dynamic. i want to study them in a rat maze#edit: i feel like i should clarify that this interpretation relies on Florian existing and being the one to help Penny and Arven#Florian isn't without his issues. he's a huge people pleaser too. but he's more of a doormat who can't say no
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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for the asura ask game: 2, 3 & 5 for Ruju
Just an asura ask game
Thanks for the ask!! Cracks my fingers... You really went right for the messy ones there. Time to free more Rat Lore, but this time Familial Drama Edition! (You know the drill, under the cut it goes!)
2. Where were they born? Did they like the place? Did they grow up there or did they move away at some point? Do they wish things went differently?
Ruju's youngest years were spent out in a small settlement around Mount Maelstrom, not too far from the Crucible of Eternity. It was mostly populated by other Inquest personnel who, like his mother, were just living nearby to maintain an easier commute-- and some of them had progeny of their own, too. They didn't exactly get along.
(That was how he earned his distinctive gold false tooth.)
Ruju hated everything about the place; the surroundings were dangerous so he couldn't go anywhere, the other kids were jerks, the adults always acted so weird about him like they thought one wrong move might get them chucked into the volcano(because it very well might), and that wasn't even mentioning the facility itself. He might've been young but he certainly wasn't stupid; whatever was going on in that place raised every hair on the back of his neck. To him the only good thing about it was Sylffa, a progeny of one of the few resident asura who WEREN'T working at the Inquest facility.
And then the home lab accident happened, and Ruju's parents decided maybe mixing home life and work wasn't such a great idea.
After that his father brought him to Rata Sum and he saw them both a lot less from then on. They still came by each evening, but he mostly relied on the household golems if he needed anything; their ambition had always come first and that wasn't about to change anytime soon. That almost felt like a blessing, though.
Looking back, he wishes he'd just ran away from it all sooner.
3. What's their family like? Are they still around? Do they like them and get along? Are there any expectations coming from them?
WHEW BOY. Ruju's family life was... Not great! Here's some mockups of his parents to start; Klixx on the left, Kroma on the right.
Both of his parents were hardcore Inquest, and neither of them were particularly pleasant people. His mother Kroma was a researcher who largely specialized in the study and manipulation of magical energies, and was an elementalist like Ruju. While not much of a fighter, she was highly recognized for her cold ambition and intense work ethic; no obstacle could hold her back for long, moral quandaries included. Pretty much everyone who knew her was stunned when she settled down at all, even if she got right back to work shortly after.
His father, however, was an Inquest debt collector-- but not just any Inquest debt collector. He was the type that high-ranking overseers sent in to cut off any further questions. Klixx shows up on your doorstep? You better hope you have a will and that you hid it somewhere very, very secure. The guy was known for his brutality, and more notably, for making his targets disappear without a trace. The Arcane Eye had tried many, MANY times to recruit him to their own team to no avail; they only gave up after he sent one of their 'messengers' back in a box, charred to a nearly unidentifiable crisp with a simple unsigned note attached. 'This cremation is a complimentary free sample. Next time it's coming with a bill.'
As far they were concerned, their progeny was meant to continue and extend their legacy; the pair formed a long-term contractual relationship specifically to benefit both of their own ambitions. Having a kid was just one facet of that. They expected Ruju to exceed expectations just as much as they did, and in very much the same ways. Instead they got a kid who struggled with focus and memory issues, couldn't sit still, hated lectures, frequently zoned out, didn't take notes well, and lacked any kind of identifiable ambition. He was bad at basically everything that asura society expected for success.
All that insecurity, self-hatred, projection, and so on that Ruju struggles with throughout his entire life? Yeah. That didn't exactly come out of nowhere. They made no mystery of their displeasure.
It was shortly before his college years that Ruju started really resenting them for it all though, and when they were eager to send him off even to the point of using their own status to add a bit of extra pressure? Ruju took it and ran. It got him out of that dingy little apartment cube and meant he didn't have to hear every night about how disappointing he was. They saw it as one last chance to redeem himself, he saw it as his easiest way out of a home he hated.
During those years they occasionally bailed him out of a Peacemaker cell, but Ruju knew it wasn't out of kindness; they just wanted to cover their own reputations, simple as that. And truth-be-told, part of him relished draining their bank account and embarrassing them by then. Petty and self-destructive as it was, he didn't really care how much of a scene he made because they'd absolutely hate it.
(Mind you, they were also trying to keep anyone from noticing and studying his magical abnormalities, but he didn't know that!)
After college he never hears from them again. They expected him to go into the Inquest like them, but he wanted no part of that. It's not until the Crucible of Eternity that he finds out about the studies being discreetly conducted on him while he was in Rata Sum-- and that his mother didn't survive the facility's security breach.
Ruju never really decided how to feel about that. In a way, her final act was the only reason he ever learned the truth, and whether he liked it or not... She'd still cared enough to keep his identity secret.
His father, though? Ruju has no idea, but hopes he stays missing.
He doesn't know what he'll do if they cross paths again.
5. What's their approach to romance? Do/did they have any partner? Are they more interested in relationships with a predetermined end date or are they looking for a stable long-term relationship? Is the option of having/adopting progeny on the table?
Saying Ruju's relationship with the concept of romance is messy would be a massive understatement. Truth is? It'd be a stretch to say he even HAS an approach to romance at all. The guy's charisma stat is somewhere in the negatives and it just keeps dropping.
That's not to say he hasn't had crushes though-- he certainly has! Ruju just never bothered to pursue them, either due to lack of confidence or just being such an absolute disaster that he fumbled it on sight and slunk away in shame. Or, better yet, he fumbled some BEFORE he even realized he had a crush, only noticing he liked them AFTER he's already spent like 2 years being an insufferable jerk. There's definitely been at least a few of those.
So, the fact this guy has never dated is probably not a surprise.
And after becoming the Commander? That adds a whole extra layer of complexity to the situation. While there's a part of him that appreciates people looking up to him for once, Ruju knows full well that someone who is only into him because of his famous hero shtick is going to be SORELY disappointed once they get to know him. He wants someone to like him for who he is, not who they think he is.
Given his many insecurities and low self-confidence, what he really needs is stability; someone that makes him feel safe and secure, but can still firmly grab and ground him if he's being unreasonable. Taming his fiery nature takes a patient and thoughtful hand.
All that in mind, the guy might put on a tough act but he's basically a porcupine made of butter. Even the SLIGHTEST amount of warmth and affection melts him into a puddle. He's the type who'd be trying very, very hard to make sure a partner is happy, and puts extra effort into figuring out what a partner likes so he can make sure they're happy. (He's also surprisingly cuddly, though he'll NEVER admit this) At his core, Ruju's love language has always been through action. As for future plans... he's very much a loyal to the end type of guy. A contract with a set end date would just remind him of his parents-- and he wants NO part of that similarity. He'd much rather go with the flow than formally predetermine anything-- and he ESPECIALLY wouldn't be interested in combining it with work in any capacity. If they have to part ways, they'll cross that bridge when they get there. Even then though he wouldn't necessarily hold a grudge though, probably still willing to be friends if they're also open to it.
The question of progeny is... Complicated. Prior to Aurene, there's no way he'd have felt like he could be a good parent-- and even after helping raise her, he still doesn't really feel like that was his ideal role. With his own messed up childhood he's very, very worried about not just being a bad influence, but letting his own upbringing influence him. Ruju isn't really confident that he'd be able to give a child the healthy environment they deserve, even if he wanted to.
If Ruju had a partner that he knew could help him learn as they go, though, he might agree to it... Tentatively. It'd be a really hard decision for him to commit to. But when push comes to shove, Ruju wouldn't actually be such a bad father; the guy has a lot more love in his heart than he gives himself credit for. He doesn't have any particular preference in mind between adoption or raising a child of their own. No matter the circumstances he'd love them just the same.
... And he'd almost certainly develop a reputation for being TOO supportive if anything. If nothing else, he'd never let them believe for one moment that he doesn't love 'em to bits. (Even if he embarrasses them a LOT in the process by being a total goof all the time)
#GW2#Guild Wars 2#GW2 asks#GW2 asura#Commander Ruju#my posts#WHEEZES. took me a bit to get back to this whoops#(I got busy for a little while there due to life reasons)#thanks for the ask though!! this was a lot of fun to tackle#I've definitely thought a fair bit about ALL of these so hence. they got. uh. very very very long there HHJDGSH#I could've gone on WAY longer but i'll spare you all#as an extra note I didn't include above: Ruju's actually pan but leans somewhat more towards masc partners#this was not something I planned but after testing what characters he'd like that was the conclusion HDJDHD#now will he ever actually HAVE a partner and therefore make that relevant? nobody knows not even me#and as a soft note: he's very much the type to lean a lot on his cooking because it comes most naturally to him#so his go-to early on is to figure out what a partner's favorite dish is and make it exactly the way they like it most#also yeah he'd be the dad in the crowd cheering SO loud for his kid that literally EVERYONE can hear him DHJDSGSHSGH#as I said. embarrassingly goofy. kinda endearing though#ANYWAY. chucks this into the tags and scurries away (I still have a few more to do so I'll finish those up in the coming days)
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Got samurai to 60 on Yulan and finally got to use this top in a glam~
Bonus charm point: cute little back window 🥺
#ffxiv#ffxiv screenshots#neri's screens#i'm throwing them in the tag but these are very zero effort shots lol#i should be in bed but spent too long matching pieces so i wanted to show it off immediately#anyway uh yeah#i spent very long going through ec and marketboard all#“nope. nah. nu-huh”#then went “you know what maybe i can get the martialist top to work” and went to glam dresser#only to find that past me had saved that top from some void ark run#never got it to work on hawu'li but yulan tends to look very nice in sleeveless outifts#miiiiight toss the horns and switch the katana but we'll see#also dyed crystarium gloves fit pretty nice too but i love those m viera gloves#so yulan gets to show a bit skin as a treat lol#little magnolia
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hey guys do y’all remrmber me ..... i am alive and doing well 👍👍
#very VERY sorry for suddenly leaving so long ago#idk i just. leave my social media accs randomly sometimes idk sometimes i need space ig#but i wanna try n be a lil more active on here again <3#a lot has happened since i’ve truly been active on here but welp such is life#i have an active dnd campaign n more close friends now#and i almost booked tickets for the bronze vb olympia match !!#sadly they were all sold out :(#there’s still some old ass asks in my inbox i wanna get to eventually !! taku n anon z i see ur asks! i will answer them !!#might take me a bit to get used to tumblr again. generally not sure just how active i’ll be#we’ll see ig#in case anyone actually reads this especially if i know you: hey!! hello !! i missed you all :((#especially taku n anon z ofc !! <3#bc i mostly only rlly talked to you guys haha#i’m on anti depressants now n actually doing much better in case. anyone was wondering haha#and i’m once again neck deep in a tokrev phase bc i just got a friend into it (we watched the whole of s1 together)#(it took us 5 days)(we were on a school trip n didn’t have anything better to do)#so. uh. yeah#hopefully expect some tokrev stuff from me :3#glad to be back guys <3#really missed this tbh#☆—`elys rambles
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bilingual (I am Italian-Japanese Gio truther) Giovanni who also learned English VS Ghetsis who only knows English (I think he also knows Latin but that's less applicable). Ghetsis would be so peeved that he'd been 'outdone'
Japanese-Italian Giovanni >>>> But honestly I've been thinking about this and while I love the language barrier team rr content, seeing how many regions in pokemon are based on Japan (first 4 gens basically), how Alola is connected to Kanto (pretty sure there was a city in there inspired by Kanto culture), how the currency is based on yen, I believe that Japanese is the dominant language/culture in the universe rather than English.
Having said that Giovanni would still learn other languages outside of Japanese and Italian because it's just good for business. And Ghetsis knows Japanese for the same reason, but other than that he'd only know like ancient languages he needs for his historical research. So he'd still feel outdone because while knowledge of dead languages is cool for showing off it's not that useful in day to day life lmao (at least it lets him understand the modern languages somewhat but still not nearly on the conversational level). Basically jack of all trades vs guy whose knowledge is needed in specific situations (and you just know that he acts soooo full of himself whenever Gio needs his expertise).
#ask#giovanni#ghetsis#terribledadshipping#implied at least#anyways sorry for taking so long with answering hfdgkdfhdjf college kept me busy and my gf got me a bit into tekken so yeah#i have two more overdue asks i want to make art for as well#also take everything with a grain of salt ive only had basic english-focused linguistsics and my knowledge of the series is spotty at times#so uh yeah. criticisms welcome#Japanese Italian Giovanni my beloved#also context this was sent after ive rbed a comic about giovanni beating himself up because he invited ghetsis and lysandre to join team rr#but didnt realize they wouldnt speak japanese lmaooo
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This morning, my therapist called me to let me know she's setting up her own practice via telehealth (which is what we were using Anyways) & asked me whether I'd want to follow her there. She still has to set stuff up with insurance stuff But her out of pocket stuff is like HALF what I've been paying out of pocket for the company she was in. So I was like, Hell Yeah let's do it
So im gonna keep up with appointments, maybe once a month or so, just so I have the accountability + the ability to ramble about what I've achieved. Bc that's been rly nice for me. I'll have my therapist back!!!! And better than ever, if only because I have to pay so much less for it 😂😂😂
And ALSO, today I put in my course request for the orchestra into the form. So different from just two weeks ago, where I was practically begging to be given a chance to audition. I was sitting in the same spot of the lobby even, but putting in my official orchestra request instead of sending an email as I vibrated in hope and anxiety. I Got It tho. And the class won't even be that late in the day. It's really exciting.
#speculation nation#also general bonding with friends etc etc. very nice.#it's like. my day took a real turn for the better. my gender communication class was covering relationships today#including abusive relationships and how people express love.#the abusive relationships one had me like. actively a little uncomfortable hfkshfkd not like it was BAD bc it's important to teach the signs#but especially when it came to the Volatility sign i was just like. yup. uh huh. yeah. yup. hfksbfmsbc#because it. hit Real close to home for That One shitty relationship way back when#most days i forget i was in an abusive relationship And Then I Remember.........#anyways thankfully we didn't have a discussion over that. but we Did have a discussion over how often we say 'i love you'#professor was asking for a numerical estimate. and some people were saying like 5 or 6 times a day#meanwhile me realizing i only ever really say that to family (human-wise). and i only see or talk to family every so often.#but i say it a lot to my cats. a Lot. theyre my babies. i love them so much.#so i got kind of stressed and overwhelmed thinking about how the most i say is like 'ilu' but only to like one friend and only rarely.#even in romantic relationships i havent said it for the most part. bc it's mostly not been true and i Dont Like To Lie.#so i got to thinking about Why and had a thing of 'am i heartless??' etc etc. but i think i really am emotionally distant#which i think stems from the fact that i dont trust much of Anyone to be in my life long-term besides family#and the only non family i feel comfortable Sometimes saying this kind of thing to is someone ive been friends with for nearly 8 years now.#so i guess i trust that theyll be here longterm. so i feel less anxiety about expressing it.#my friends told me that they see i still care tho in the ways i act and try to take care of them.#so. not heartless. i just struggle with telling people how i feel.#hfmahfmshfms so yeah bit of a weird day but it got better!!!! and now i am. chilling.#gonna play more sims 2. yes.#abuse ment/
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HI IT'S SQUISHY fic ask game time:
F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.
I: Do you have a guilty pleasure in fic (reading or writing)?
R: Are there any writers (fanfic or otherwise) you consider an influence?
X: A character you enjoy making suffer.
:3
YAHOO HI SQUISHY TY FOR THE ASK >:33
ok uhhhh uh uh
F: i think if i had to choose anything, it'd probably be the cat petting circle scene from and who do you think i'll be (without you)?, because i am. really really bad at juggling more than like 3 characters in a scene and this has FIVE and it's still really fun to read, at least for me. it's dynamic, though admittedly the attention still mostly falls on kuwabara and yusuke (sorry keiko </3 i wish you were more prominent in this one but alas) everyone carries some weight. i'm also not great at understanding (and thus writing) anger, so yusuke's bubbling frustration through the scene is like.. kinda cool to me. (a/n: eikichi is kuwabara's cat lol)
i'm also including another two from this same fic bc i think they're neat as well :)
(i'll put a transcript of the screenshots at the end under the read more)
honestly, i love writing yusuke's dialogue no matter what he's saying, so this fic's got a few moments i'm very fond of, but didn't include. anyway it's the only good thing i've ever written (<- exaggerating, but it's probably my favorite fic i've written, and maybe favorite prose piece)
i also remember enjoying some of the dialogue between sagawa and majima in tough love for loveless things, and i assume i liked a lot of the stuff for i long for you and your expert hands, but i... haven't revisited that one in a long time (idk why but i'm a little afraid to?? i haven't forgotten it though), so i couldn't point to anything specific really ^ ^'
I: hm... i think i overindulge in characters just talking about nothing, at least when it comes to my writing. if i like them, i like hearing them talk about nothing, and it tends to bloat scenes and drag on, i figure. i also tend to gravitate towards really specific intensely described points of imagery that barely come up again and totally break the flow of the scene (oops). in terms of guilty pleasures in reading, uh...? i'm kind of a sucker for werewolf stuff because i got that dog in me. im drawing a blank ig sorry <3 OH i've always been hopelessly fond of whump / hurt/comfort / sickfic STUFF. legit since i was a child. i like it when they're out of it i like it when they're woozy. and anything with dumb hijinks and/or slapstick is good to me. comedy's hard and i like seeing idiots be idiots. and really introspective/inner monologue heavy pieces are mmmmwah for writing and reading
R: oh man. whatever i'm currently reading often ends up influencing my writing in noticeable (to me) ways. one time i was writing smth for my fiction writing class and i typed out a sentence that felt at once like smth dr seuss would write (you'll never guess what unit my children's lit class was on) and a line from lolita (because that's what i was reading at the time). it's a mashup that worked weirdly well. ANYWAY to actually answer the question, the little prince ruined me as a kid, and a lot of the way i express sadness and emptiness is channeling saint-exupery there. currently, arkady martine and andzrej sapkowski have been influencing my scenery descriptions in particular, because that's what i was most recently reading, but earlier this year i remember cormac mccarthy's the road finding its way under my pen a lot. for really flowery stuff (i don't think you see it much in my fics, but it's not Never), i think of alfred tennyson's maud quite often. this is not a conclusive list im just empty brained :P
X: ohhohohohohhh. god help me but i love making all of them suffer. to love something is to vivi/dissect it. currently kuwabara is the one i'm putting through the most though (<- channeling personal issues into this orange guy), but majima and kiryu were always lots of fun to break down >:). perhaps that's the real answer to the guilty pleasure section
[SCREENSHOT 1]:
“Hey, why’s she goin’ to Kurama and you and not me?” Yusuke complained, pouting at Keiko.
Kuwabara piped up. “Maybe it’s ‘cuz they have manners, unlike some of us.”
“Or patience,” Botan offered.
Yusuke stuck out his leg and prodded Kuwabara’s arm. “Yeah, and how’re your manners workin’ out for ya? You still look like someone’s been playin’ tic-tac-toe on your hands or did she become a saint overnight?”
“Shut up, Urameshi.”
Keiko spoke up from her spot on the floor. “Aw, I think she’s just sweet. Right?” She put her chin on her folded arms and gently rubbed at Eikichi’s cheek. With a warm smile, Keiko turned her head into her arms further, squishing her face, openly endeared. “Even if she bites sometimes.”
“Finally, someone gets it,” Kuwabara moaned. “Keiko, tell Urameshi that for me, will ya?”
Yusuke didn’t buy it. “If she was sweet she’d be sweet to me, too.”
“Benevolence is nearly always conditional,” Kurama said, leaning over to rub Eikichi’s ears. “Perhaps she senses your standoffishness and simply chooses not to engage with someone who does not seem to want her.” Kurama’s brilliant green eyes swept back to Yusuke for emphasis. “You two may have that in common.”
“Wh—?!” Yusuke spluttered a bit, before settling on, “Watch it, fox boy.”
“Aw,” Botan giggled, “Yusuke, it’s alright, you know. Some of us just have an animal-like charm. Meow meow!” She hooked her hands like paws.
“Right, and I’m saying Eikichi’s not so charming. I mean, she’s been ignoring you, too, Botan, whaddyou think?”
“Oh, she’s just lovely! Simply adorable,” Botan cooed.
“Heheh, looks like you’re outnumbered, Urameshi!”
[SCREENSHOT 2]:
Rocking his chair back lazily, Yusuke noticed Kuwabara’s scratch-laced hands and whistled. “Damn, Kuwabara. It’s kinda beating you up, huh? That cat o’ yours. You look like you just fought me, only smaller.”
“For the last time, Urameshi, Eikichi’s a she! Quit it with the it crap or I’ll knock you into next Sunday brunch.” He jabbed his chopsticks at Yusuke pointedly. “And I don’t think you could get any smaller.”
“Yeah, yeah, whatever. She’s beating the shit outta you. But what’s with that? I thought kittens were s’posed to be all cute n’ cuddly.” Yusuke swirled his drink thoughtfully before taking a swig.
“You’ve never had a kitten, have you, Urameshi?” Kuwabara deadpanned. He had the right to do that now that he was a cat-rearing expert, as if he hadn't learned it very recently himself.
“No. ’M not really crazy about animals. Neither's my mom.” Under his breath, Yusuke added, “Knowing her, that’s probably for the best.”
“Wh—? How?!”
Yusuke shrugged.
Kuwabara huffed. “Ugh, she’s teething right now, okay? And I haven’t got her a scratching post yet. She’ll grow out of it, you’ll see.”
“Whatever you say, man. Just try not to lose any limbs waiting for her to get manners, arright? Don’t wanna make our fights even more one-sided. That’d just be sad.”
“Yeah, right, Urameshi.” Kuwabara puffed out his chest. “Eikichi could take two o’ my limbs and I’d still wipe the street with ya.”
“Hey, try beating me with four limbs first, tough guy.”
The conversation devolved into threats and bickering from there, culminating in little more than wrinkled uniforms and mussed hair-dos, and one final exchange.
“You haven’t even met her, Urameshi, so how could you know what she’s like?”
“‘Cuz you’re carryin’ the proof right there, stupid! Look, don’t take it so personal. I just don’t feel like spending all day roughhousing with someone that far beneath my weight class, even if she is the precious little angel you say she is."
[SCREENSHOT 3]:
Yusuke lounged on the floor, Eikichi sitting on his chest and staring down at him.
“What’re you starin’ at, Stinkass?”
Kuwabara scoffed loudly, fluffing out the pillow Yusuke would use.
Yusuke smirked at him. “Oh, I’m sorry, your highness, I left my manners at home.” He cleared his throat. “What are you staring at, Her Royal Majesty the Queen Stinkass?”
“Man, why'dya only pick mean pet names to give ‘er?” It came out a bit harsher than he meant.
“What?” Yusuke began to sit up, but stopped when he remembered Eikichi’s place on him. He dropped back down and shut his eyes lazily. “These aren’t pet names, they’re, like, insults. That I don’t mean.”
“So ‘Stinkass’ is your idea of an affectionate nickname?”
“Gee, you don’t have to make it sound so damn girly. I’m just callin’ her that ‘cause I like her.”
“Ooh~ so you like her, huh?” Kuwabara sat up on his knees and—once Eikichi got the hint and clambered off—smacked Yusuke’s face with his pillow, holding it over his face. “Whatever happened to not bein’ mushy, tough guy?”
Yusuke wrenched the pillow from his grip and lazily swung it at him, not bothering to get up. “Hey, you told me she doesn’t judge about that sorta thing, right? And I’m learnin’ there’s benefits to bein’ mushy, like kicking ass better.” He shifted to crack his back, then sighed, relaxing into the floor. “I’m just sticking to my way, and sometimes that means calling her Kuwabara’s Favorite Little Shitblaster or whatever.”
#anyway YEAH#i feel kinda eh (/anxious) about most of my fics after a bit (currently the case for blue moon revisited all of my love and i long for you)#for probably no reason at all tbh so.. kinda weird saying 'yeah i don't like any of the ones you read and were v nice about sorry </3'#but that's the best i got for ya atm squishy#AGAIN thanks for the ask i'll send one your way as well i uh didn't think this one would take so long to write out oops#nyarla dni
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the sinus headaches are already not great but Extra Shit has been added to the pile and im just sat on that right now trying to figure out what the fuck to do
#ive uh not processed it yet and it also wont really shake out for a little while now i guess but .. yeah#long story short my friends who ive been A Trio with since we were 11 might be done with each other#theres a LOT of additional factors but theyre splitting a house share so one can go live with a boyfriend#and in the process it sounds like theyve made a lot of selfish choices for some unknown reason#ngl theyve pissed me off a little bit for being so weird and reclusive since theyve had the boyfriend as well but only with us#its ... yeah i dont know what alls happened because i dont live with them#but i just cant fathom how they got to this point quibbling over the contents of their shared house of 5 years#over a boyfriend whos been around for 2 or 3 years ..... to ruin a friendship of 18 years ????#again i dont know the whole story but i trust what the friend whos still good at talking to us to not lie about them being screwed around#i just dont get it at all how to reconcile what ive been told with who ive known over half my life#theyve felt off .. or wrong for a while now tbh ... i miss them#i havent seen the other one since before may ...#the thought that mightve been the last time we all hang out is kind of killling me inside lol#and it was also pretty weird and stilted again because it was very boyfriend-centric#this always happens to me lol ive lost count of all my school friend groups who end up basically fighting over me after they fall out#its a MAJOR trauma point for me and i thought we kind of grew past that but i guess i was wrong#ive been catching myself with a weepy eye or a single sob all day#i dont know what to do i wanna know what the fuck happened and what was worth doing this for#i wanna confront everyone and ask for a fucking explanation as to why my single life solid bedrock is falling apart#i mostly wanna dig a hole and die in it ... im fine im safe but im bothered by like ...#what a total fool ill look like if i just melt down at work ... i might find the mental health first aiders list and write an email lol#im like not okay cksbdkssj fucking hell#i have some hope but its ... its hard out here#i need to go to bed fuck#id dont neeeeed thiiiiisss im gonna choke on life agaaaiiinnn#the battle to keep my shit together enough to at least not self-sabotage ??? its testing my patience#rory's ramblings
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Once again, the only writing I have to offer is dnd-related, and once again, it's also both angsty and whump-y. This is expanding on a scene that got glossed over in a session MONTHS ago, but uh, anyways, here you go:
tw for references to serious physical injury
He felt rather than saw Sigmar shake his head. “I should never have left you. If I’d known she’d bring Deadringer into this… I shouldn’t have let you go off to fight someone like him without me.” Once again, Rook was surprised at the weight of the emotion in his mentor’s voice. He wanted to say It’s not your fault. Or maybe, I would have done it anyway, but his mouth wouldn’t cooperate. So instead he just rested his head on Sigmar’s shoulder. The damp chill that had come over him on the way here was getting stronger and he leaned into Sigmar’s warmth. “‘S cold,” he mumbled. Sigmar picked up the pace a bit, a worried edge creeping into his voice. ��Come on, come on. Just a little further.” Rook’s eyes were heavy, and his awareness of the world was fading. He heard a door open, was dimly aware of a brightly lit, white-painted room, of being laid down on a bed. He could hear people talking urgently, unfamiliar voices joining Sigmar’s. His muddled mind only caught fragments of their words. “Concussion … Severe blood loss … Not enough…” Multiple sets of hands touched his skin, and the familiar warmth of healing magic (when had being healed become familiar again?, he wondered dimly) flooded his body.
#my writing#dnd writing#oc: Rook#*Liars#morrigan plays dnd#for a bit of context: this was the session where Rook got killed by one of his own party members who was being body-controlled.#but he doesn't know that and no one ever told him.#and he was in pretty rough shape after being revived and the healers were both out of spell slots.#so he stayed in rough shape for a bit and we were still Doing Things so he was just kinda getting worse lmao.#and this took place at the end of the day when we got back to the Winters' mansion and Sigmar was finally able to take Rook to a healer.#but godddd. the ''I would have done it anyway'' and the ''when had being healed become familiar again'' KILL me. MURDER me.#the former bc uh yeah my self-sacrificing idiot bastard who doesn't know how to value himself.#and the latter bc he was on wolf's ship for over two years and never was healed magically during that time.#(and probably got very little if any magical healing while he was hiding in the feywild.) So he got used to healing the ''slow'' way.#and he hadn't been magically healed in a LONG time until the bard healed him. And it's just so fucked for him to have this realization now.#bc it's a hint at the fact that he's gotten attached to the party. that he sees himself as a part of their family#even if he isn't sure he deserves it.
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does henry know that henricus can turn into that cat or is it a secret
thats a good question. it's a secret for like, 2 years (the reason for henri keeping this a secret is a long story LOL) but henry eventually does find out and he thinks its like the most awesome thing ever. because like, henry likes the idea of animals but he is very nervous all the time and doesnt know how to interact with them and he worries that they wont understand him. which is normally true (sad) but henricus going cat mode means that he can get used to the idea of a cat in his house. and henricus trusts henry a lot so he will tenatively accept pets.
#also dumb semi-relevant magic lore tidbit is that you cant normally cast any magic while you sleep so spell effects wear off when asleep.#so if i ever draw henricus sleeping as a cat that is not true he simply has his eyes closed and he is chilling. but he cant sleep as a cat.#the only exception to the sleep rule is henricus's insane self-inflicted curse thing hes got goin on. which sounds really awesome but it#turns out that this rule naturally exists for a reason. because your body needs to rest and recover after using magic.#my poor sap has magic-induced chronic fatigue on top of his regular chronic fatigue. sad well he'll be okay i promise#oh yeah 1 more thing. basic timeline is like. henri's childhood -> runs away at 17 and runs into henry -> lives with this guy till hes 20#-> [other lore i have failed to elaborate on. ~ 6 months] -> [undeveloped bit: 3-4 months] -> [end of story + slight timeskip]#at least. thats what it is if i dont change it again anyway LOL#so like uh henri is with henry for 3 almost 4 years and theyre close nearly the whole time but henri only starts rlly talking during that#last year. it takes that guy so so long to open up but henry is so patient.#ANYWAY. hi lol thank u for the ask yayyyy#anis gaymer moments#oc tag
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hey, i understand if you don't have the energy/motivation, and i don't want to force you. but i think you should consider exercising a little! even if its just 30 seconds. you might find that moving around actually makes you feel better than not moving! i personally get exercise in by (sometimes) pacing around when i'm deep in thought; maybe taking a walk outside and/or listening to a nice audiobook could work for you? (sorry if im making you uncomfortable! and feel free to call out bad behavior
i don’t think this is a weird or bad thing to say at all. thank you so much for this ask. like actually
#after i got this i went and stretched and got some push ups in which i havent done in a while#exercise always makes me feel a bit better but i also always forget to do it or i put it off bc it will take ‘too long’#and then it takes like. 7 minutes UEHEUEJSGSJSH#went and brushed my teeth and showered too. which are not things you’re supposed to do at 3pm but eh. we ball#i also watered my plants. so if i don’t do anything else today i can at least say i did that#one of them is drying up btw and i have no idea why …… i google it and it tells me that i either water it Too Much or Not Enough#and it’s like girl. make up your mind. either one or the other#he already almost dried up once but then he started getting better and getting new leaves. but now he’s doing it againnnn idk why!!!! Freak#also i wouldn’t have minded taking a walk at all but i’ve already spent the last 2 days walking until evening#and also there is. um. a uh. a snowstorm outside. and i don’t wanna walk through the snow.#so er. happy april 30th#normal weather👍#anyway yeah thank you anon it really did help. tjey werent lying#cramswering
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Ok I'm curious, could you elaborate on art school education when you have the time?
Mainly because my friend went to art high school and feels she wasted all the years there while I've been self-teaching myself for a few months by just messing around, so I was wondering just how different the two approaches are :0
Oh, I have lots and lots of thoughts on art education. I do feel that I need to preface this with the whole "my experience is not universal", bc all my feelings about art and art education stem from my own experiences of being self-taught and then getting actual formal college degrees in art.
The shortest version of my long rant, under the cut, is that there isn't a superior way to learn art. With art education, you run the risk of getting bad teachers who don't teach the subject well, and you can also run into teachers who aren't open-minded about approaches to art that differ too much from their own--the flipside, of course, is that there are sometimes amazing teachers who can challenge you to try new things you'd never had thought of on your own, or who have already made a lot of mistakes that they can tell you about so you don't have to make them yourself. With being self-taught, you have to figure out everything on your own, and sifting through online tutorials or reading books can be difficult to find "actually useful and well-explained" advice, but you do also get the freedom of doing literally whatever you want and really focusing what you learn based on what you're actually interested in. Each has it's pros and cons, but neither is technically better or worse, per se, although education of any sort comes down a lot to each person's situation in life, as not everyone has access to education or even the tools for making art.
For the long, long expansion of my thoughts and some of my personal experiences with art education specifically...
In short, I'm technically entirely self-taught, despite holding two different art degrees. Aside from some feedback I got from my 8th grade art teacher (who had agreed to look at my hobby art in her own spare time outside of class), I basically taught myself to draw entirely on my own, using various "how to draw" books, online tutorials, and just a lot of general experimentation and continued drawing on my own. Which meant I made a lot of mistakes, or didn't try out certain things, or got frustrated bc I couldn't figure out how to do something, but overall I had a lot of fun. The actual art classes I took in middle and high school? Well, I took a life drawing class in high school that taught me how to draw from life, a skill I never would have acquired on my own bc the process for learning that skill requires a lot of patience, and personally, I find life drawing to be extremely boring. My high school art teacher was also allowing blatant copyright infringements to occur in her class, which was something I learned years later when taking a media law class in college to learn about copyright law specifically, so I guess I learned what to not do as a teacher if I manage to become one, but I didn't learn a whole lot of actual art skills or even really improve my art in any significant way. I never actually learned anything like the elements of art and how to use them, or color theory, or any of that, in class or even on my own, but because I was constantly looking at lots of art online, and making art on my own and experimenting with new things, I ended up learning all of the "essentials of art" intuitively, sort of like how children learn the grammar of whichever language(s) they grow up speaking without learning the actual formal grammar of the language. Which I think a lot of artists actually do as they continue to make art, even if they don't realize it.
Anyhow, moving on. I personally really enjoyed my undergrad illustration degree. Now, to be fair, if someone was willing to pay me to attend college for the rest of my life as my actual career, that is what I would do bc I love learning, and I love the challenge presented by college courses. But do I feel like I learned anything new about art in those classes? Yes and no. I took a lot of art history classes bc I had never had any art history before college, and found I loved the topic a lot. The life drawing classes I was required to take felt like a waste of time bc I already had that skill from the one high school class, and I spent most of those classes fighting the teachers about why we should have less nude models (bc nudes are super easy to draw from life, but clothing is very, very difficult, and I wanted to learn how to draw clothing as a challenge bc I was bored in those classes). I spent one class teaching the entire class how to use Photoshop bc the teacher's method was absolute BS and I could do everything faster and easier than what we were being taught bc I had been using the program for years (the teacher even joked about how I had hijacked the class, to which I'm still not sure was meant to be friendly or malicious). The "Anatomy for the Artist" class I took was one of the most useful classes I've ever taken, and really helped me with drawing not only humans, but anything with a skeleton and muscles, since the teacher's approach made it so I learned the skill of using actual real-life anatomy as a means of creating art from the knowledge of anatomy (and I lucked out for this class bc I had an adjunct who was there to cover the actual teacher who was on sabbatical, and from what I heard from classmates I would have learned nothing from the usual teacher's approach to the class; I hope the teacher I did have found a good stable job bc she was amazing). Most of the actual core illustration classes helped me improve my art a great deal, but not bc they taught me anything--more so, it was that I had to create a lot of art for them, and find creative solutions to the challenges the projects would present (there were lots of "illustrate this abstract concept without using x, y, or z imagery" or "create an illustration within these specific parameters" which really required me to think about how to plan and go about completing the final project). Somehow, the actual "foundations classes" that I took--where I was supposed to learn things like design theory, the elements and principles of art, color theory, etc.--well, let's just say the teacher was on his way to retirement, and didn't teach any of that really well, so I still ended up going through my undergrad more or less on intuition and the art skills I had cultivated on my own. Mostly, college art classes were useful in helping me to improve my art, not because I learned new things (although I did learn some new things), but rather because I needed to make lots and lots of art in a relatively short time, and making art constantly is the fastest way to improve.
That all said, I still never really got the point of things that I kept seeing or hearing as common art advice. For example: "Use references." Okay? What does that mean? What does that look like? How do I do that? I was never taught that once, and it was only partway through college that I figured out that people meant "look at a photo of a real person to figure out a pose or something" and not "learn about the subject you're trying to draw so you have an understanding of that subject that allows you to draw it from your imagination how you want". And honestly the former advice is useful but...only useful to a point, so I'm kinda glad I never learned it bc it would have stunted my development and presented a roadblock. In either case, I was never taught how to use a ref or what "use a ref" meant in my formal art education, and by the time I figured it out on my own, my repertoire of art skills made the advice moot.
So what's all the long and short of this? Is art education a sham and useless? Well, not entirely, but maybe sort of. It really comes down to which teachers are teaching the subject, and how they do it. I only had a handful of art teachers who were really able to get me to think about art differently and push me to learn more and improve. But I also had a friend in my undergrad class who had never drawn in his life and he found most of the classes super useful bc he wasn't coming in being self-taught and already drawing. We were at different places in our art journeys, and so we got different things out of the college classes.
I do feel overall that the focus of my college classes was more productive than the lack of focus from my high school classes. Would I tell everyone who wants to get better at art to go to art school? Hell no. I got a degree in art because I love it, and because I had hoped to work as a video game concept artist (for which one does need at least a BFA to get hired by most companies). Of course, by the end of my degree I had figured out the video game industry in America was absolutely not a place I wanted to be working for my own health, but my frustrations with how my art education had been structured, paired with the fact that I spent a few classes actually teaching my classmates things, made me think I might make an okay art teacher. But even my wanting to be an art teacher still comes from a place of deep love for art. For those who just want to take up art as a hobby, self-taught is fine, and sometimes it will be better than getting stuck with a bad teacher who'll crush the enjoyment of art. Yes, I think a well-structured art course could help someone learn art and become confident in their art, which is part of the reason I want to try teaching it (esp. bc it took me years to learn some things that a good teacher would have just like, covered in a core class), but like...self-taught or school-taught, there isn't a superior way to learn art. They're both just very different approaches.
#I think I got a bit off-topic from your question at the end there so uh...sorry if this doesn't really help answer your question#I maybe should have slept on this before answering but also I'm like#really really passionate about art and Will Not Shut Up About Literally Anything Art-Related#a few of my coworkers have been subjected to hour-long rants about art bc they asked me one (1) thing#anyhow I think art education CAN be good it's just...like any education it really relies on good teachers and a good curriculum#and yet being self-taught I know it's entirely possible to learn all the basics needed for making art on your own so#like#yeah#I dunno#anyhow#I love art a whole lot and I do not regret going to college and getting two different types of art degrees#no matter how useless certain members of my family think they are#(to be fair graduating in the middle of a pandemic was not in my future plans)#anyhow if you want to just mess around making art and having fun that is honestly one of the best ways to learn art#actually just messing around and having fun is the best way to learn most things#so...yeah!#unsuspecting-person#I still don't have an ask tag
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challenging u to go p rank p-2
Buddy I don't even have p-2 unlocked yet :x
#moss talks#I keep putting off p ranking act 2 because i know when i do it's actually so over for me#act 1 seemed doable to me because it wasnt like? too bad? like yeah 3-1 was pretty rough and i struggled a bit with 2-1#but other than that it was pretty chill! (before i immediately exploded and combusted after trying p-1)#act 2 has 4-2 and 4-3 and also 5-2 and 5-3 and uh. um. yeah. also leviathan sucks imo#i could. maybe be okay on 5-3? it's just long and time is my only concern since i'm a lil slow#the two levels on greed are going to absolutely KICK my ass tho. 4-2 is genuinely the level i'd say i'm the worst at#SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE OF ALL THE GODDAMN HOT ASS SAND#and the last room in 4-3 is. god it's rough i think it took me at least 20 attempts just for that room when i was doing violent#oh no u got me thinking abt it now. augh. maybe i will actually start soon. maybe
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“When’s the last time you ate?”
soft sentence starters | accepting
When it came to food, Ekira was never one to eat much- or eat at all. Being a traveling musician didn't pay well-- whether it be a handful of gold or a single one, it was a struggle for the bard to find certain necessities. Baths could be obtained by wading out in the creeks they'd find on their travels- laundry, too, could be dealt with in the same instance- the ground they walked upon was their bed, and the canopy of trees underneath their home.
But food was a different thing entirely- and while on some occassions they could forage from the world around them, even salvaging didn't last too long when it was time to pack up and move on.
Stealing food extended to a single fruit or vegetable they could salvage for however long they'd be able to, until it either rotted or they were to their very last slice, and on the more desperate occasions they'd eat the spoiled food entirely. Winter especially was difficult during this time, where tavern prices were up and the trees were completely barren-- leaving Ekira hungry during the winter months.
And having eaten their last slice of rotted celery just a little over a week ago, it came as a surprise to Ekira that Onceler had asked the question. Though, maybe they were so lost in thought they couldn't hear the sound of their own growling stomach. "Huh?" they stammered, head lolling sluggishly. "...Eat? Oh, uh, les'see... 'bout... ten days ago?"
#🌻 | ic.#triggerbigger#AHH IM SO EXCITEDDDD ngl ive always wanted to explore this little bit of ekira and now it's HAPPENING#sorry this ended up. so long omg i got very excited BAHAHA#but uh yeah gestures at ekira. help this fucking thing
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