#u think hating me will get u attention
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yk when i think about it, especially when im watching the anime with people who havent read the manga, the reason a lot of people who only watch the anime and didnt read the manga misinterpreted saikis character so badly is definitely in part because of how damn fast paced the anime is š
like that little smile and eye shine frame is there for not even half a second in the anime, so its easier to miss it and assume that he really did only finish those workbooks to get coffee jelly ā ļø its much more clear if you get a good look at how he reacts here that hes just a silly little tsundere and a fucking liar
#this might be really obvious but im silly#LET ME YAP !!#dont read this as me making fun of anime only fans#i was literally one until like a few months ago#i just think its unfortunate how different the vibe is#obviously i love the anime though#there are still some things i straight up don't understand how people miss though#like people who watch the whole anime and still think saiki hates teruhashi or nendo specifically#like ? he has some of his most affectionate scenes with them#but i think maybe its because they missed so many of the more subtle details#that by the time they see saikis offu or him saying he and teruhashi make a great team.. it appears more sudden to them than it really is#so they either completely ignore those scenes or dismiss them as fanservice#ugh#its. literally not fan service at all and makes perfect sense if you pay attention#idk how u can watch the sweetest line ever 'we're invincible together' and deny that saiki cares about teruhashi#in general its actually just impossible to end the show thinking he hates any of his friends unless u just ignored things on purpose#even if u ended at the first season like a lot of people#but im just saying i guess i get why its a little less obvious in the show#saiki k#tdlosk#the disastrous life of saiki k.#saiki kusuo#meows post
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I don't often post my non kink related art but I'm tryna get the attention of someone else in the community and am too shy and cringe to reach out so. Here, have this portrait I did of Hanzo Shimada. With my finger. On ibis paint. This took me four hours. Progress for proof below.
#we have so many similar interests and im trying to not be cringe about that š§āāļø#hi im autistic and some people are really really hard to reach out to lol#anyways ove/watch fandom please don't look at my fat kink blog i cannot handle normie anon hate rn#plus id. what u think bc u play OVE/WATCH#idc* oops#not retyping all that#and if you have seen this art on animo and noticed i updated my signature no u didnt!!!#i dont want people on amino knowing im a fat guy that thinks it hot to get fatter#let me be kinky in peace#hanzo#hanzo art#hanzo shimada#hanzo fanart#overwatch fanart#watch either get no notes at all like all my other art or spark the first fatphobic harassment campaign against me bc i dared#to post out my uaual tags#anyways#artists on tumblr#trans artist#overwatch#my art ALWAYS gets ignored its such a SHITTY FUCKING FEELING !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! thats WHY I NEVER POST IT !!!!!!!!!!!!#but whatever im not normal and need to make friends somehow#when people learn to give the attention my art is worth ill post more#but yall on this site NEVER. do ( at least on ever blog I had before this one)#i just dobt post much of it here bc whats the point? no one gives a shit about my intrests and skillls#im just. pretty face to look at#and thats all ill ever be or amount to#bi polar ramblings ig ig ig
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guy who only asks questions if they feel insightful enough to be worth asking and only hangs out if there is smth to do together <- deeply uncomfortable of the idea of wasting someones time
#yes i was constantly accused of not paying attention for asking questions i didnt know someone already asked why do you ask#maybe it does sound a little sad when i put it as 'i feel most comfortable when i feel like im not wasting the other persons time'#but its more like i want the other person to feel like im putting thought or at least care into it even if i dont express it very well#its weird feeling like im not giving back enough in the conversation but not knowing why or being confused by the idea#of someone who just likes to listen to me talk and not waiting for their turn to speak like i do like. arent you tired of it yet>?#how are you not thinking of ways to get out of this conversation yet??? it fascinates me bc ill never understand it#i like how we are now talking abt not letting yourself feel like a burden for asking for help and letting people help you#but i am on the other side of the spectrum where i want to feel needed when we hang out or else i wont know how to let u know me#yapping#diary#I hate feeling like this cuz it feels like im coming up with new and creative ways to defend myself instead of being myself
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The JD vs Amber Heard stuff was actually insane. I didn't keep up with it because I disagreed with the sheer principle of publicizing something like *that* but the misogyny was MASK OFF...
NO LIKE FRL IT WAS SO INSANE
#ask tag#Tbh like#The thing is iād already known and been misinformed about the case for a long time prior so I started off thinking depp was innocent#And then I remember when I realized he was very much not partially Bc of the hate I was seeing towards Amber Heard#Like the exposed texts of him saying extremely sexist violent stuff about her and everyone just dismissing that#It became clear that I was wrong from the get-go like that he actually was horrible and I assumed everyone else would realize that too#but then the more ppl dismissed or mocked the real indisputable evidence she brought up#The more I saw that ppl didnāt actually care#They were just excited to be evil and dismissive towards a woman#Lmao sometime after that I stopped giving a fuck about āmale mental healthā bc clearly theyāre not being as shunned as they pretend they r#Sorry is that controversial#Iām just saying if u reversed the genders that trial wouldāve played out way differently#The concept of male victims and men with poor mental needing extra attention and care bc theyre sooo marginalized bc theyāre men#And they dont get respect and support like those selfish abused women#Shouldāve died after this case#Bc whenever there are male victims they get all the support and attention from everyone#Female victims get This#Like dont get me wrong thereās stigma#But the stigma for male victims is ālol youāre like a woman now thatās funnyā ālol so r u gayā#The stigma for female victims is āyou evil bitch how could you ruin his life you deserved worse you bitchā
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when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.
when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.
#studyā in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#IF U SAW ME POSTING THIS YESTERDAY. no u didn't.#i wanted to change things again (who is surprised!!) and decided to just rewrite it all rip.#me taking a few weeks off from this blog and then coming back with a brand new terry / jane hc? more likely than u think.#purely self indulgent too i might add!#every day i battle with making my terry portrayal canon to jane's timeline so jane can have her mother in every verse not just#selected ones.#but. her not having her mother is ultimately important to my writing of her and sfjasfjas >:( hate myself for it.#so here be a brand new addition to my timeline that gives jane SOME time with her mother!!! bc i need it for my mental health.#i imagine when terry dies her body turns to smoke in the void. almost like what happened to billy when jane was spying on him.#and he stopped her connection and faded in front of her.#and jane also visited terry a lot in the void because it allowed her to see more memories of her mother.#i hc that she had a real grasp on that before s3 when she looks into billy's memories.#terry (even in her catatonic state) WANTED jane to see what happened to her in hawkins lab.#so she'd want her to see the good stuff too. her childhood. andrew. her grandmother that raised her and becky.#all the good memories!#so when terry dies jane loses all that completely.#which leads to jane grappling with the conflict of whether or not she should have kept visiting terry in the void which eventually led to#her death.#because if she hadn't connected to her. she'd at least be able to look back on all those memories.#jane becomes obsessed within those months and barely speaks to anyone else.#in any free time she has. she's in the void with terry.#her own physical body grows very weak after a little while but she pays no attention to it and even gets into heated arguments with becky.#because becky is jane's carer and needs her safe and healthy. needs to look after her.#but jane is so adamant about the fact that this is her MOTHER and she's finally able to speak to her.#UGH i have so much to say abt this actually i sense a brand new addition to my timeline coming on.#ANYWAY. i'm emotional about them that is all.
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This is lowkey a stupid ass question but is your username jrue ships like different ships involving jrue or is it jrueās hips ššš
yes !
#THERE ARE NO STUPID QUESTIONS š¾!!!!!!!!#makin me pull out my teacher voice on u#BUT the lore of the url change was basically .. yes!#i wanted it to be abt jrue's hips while also encouraging jrue ships !#i wanted it to be open to interpretation#i think more ppl read it as jrue ships tho so i say it's jrue's hips to draw attention to it bcs i mean. cmon. theyre gorgeous#BUT! it is up to open interpretation as always <3 i just wanted to let yall know theres options#altho.. for a man who could be named jrue ships... me having zero POSTED ship fic for him is... some false advertisement#AW WELL#IM A BUM š¤ !#thank u for the curiousity LMAO a lot of ppl think it's jrue ships and for good reason#they think better of me and my lust for mini fridges..#i wanted it to be a little fun and frisky !#i should change my ao3 name to match but me so la-Z..#ANYWAYS! THANK U FOR UR INTEREST !#this was fun to answer! i love all questions!!#but yea i always hated argumentative essays bcs i could never do that black or white#the foreshadowing of my open to any pronouns even tho im very much Masc future#unrelated but his blinged out cross necklace is so fucking funny#he would def be that girl lugging around a 50lb bright pink stainless steel waterbottle with a handle#and a million did u pray today and jesus loves u stickers#around Everywhere she goes#i need him#and i need him to get FAWKED#multiple options !!
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#oh my goD could my mother stop stealing all my fucking stuff for even 1 fucking week jfc#im gonna scream#she thinks that bc she's the one paying the majority of the rent and is technically my caregiver bc im too disabled to do certain chores etc#that she is simoly entitled to everything in the apartment and can do whatever she wants#steals my food steals my drinks steals my products steals my laundry card etc#now she's stealing my clothes and pyjamas#the fuck dude#i have severe skin allergies and have very selective clothing i can wear w/o a painful reaction#and now she's just. taking that too#the same way she takes the select few foods that don't set off my issues or allergies and steals the drinks that keep my blood sugar up#and steals the unscented hypoallergenic products i have to use#it never fuckin ends this woman is so self-absorbed and arrogant i rly cannot handle it sometimes (most times)#the irony is that she's a teacher and regularly works with kindergarteners who can understand 'don't touch what isn't yours'#and gives regular lectures to her students of all ages about respecting other ppl's belongings and never assuming u can take something#gives a big ol spiel about attentive listening and boundaries and respect on a daily fuckin basis from 8 am to 8 pm for her 2 teaching job#then comes home and immediately disregards that to take everything that isnt hers / disrespect my belongings and space#and yell at me when i tell her not to / get mad at her for doing it#ma'am.#ur 5 yr olds understand this. so do ur 8 yr olds. u r 60 MF YEARS OLD WHY CAN U NOT COMPREHEND THIS#nah actually the worst part is that she *does* understand it. she simply doesn't care#she would never do this to anyone else just me. bc im disabled and a burden and she hates having me depend on her for things.#idk if its vindictive or bc she feels like i owe her for basic care and decency or if she just enjoys lashing out like a petty bitch#i stopped trying to figure it out a long time ago#all i'm fucking asking is for her to STOP STEALING MY SHIT#is that so much to beg for. is it#ugHdjddjsk#someone find me a wall i need to bash my head against it#(or maybe hers. that might be better)#ask to tag#negative
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I feel like I died so many years ago
#like yeah thereās been good parts to my life but overall the negative defo outweighs the positive#n I think everyone can tell Iām just miserable being here#Iāve spent most my life being depressed and suicidal than i have been happy#n it really does say a lot tbh like i just donāt think Iām a person capable of living life and being happy#everytime I talk to my mum I feel like by being here I just keep worrying her bc my life doesnāt seem to improve#she said it seems like things are just getting worse over better#n sheās right tbh like every year Iāve just deteriorated more and more#I feel so dead#like this just doesnāt feel like ālivingā I genuinely have wondered sometimes whther this is just hell#n Iām not religious lol but it doesnāt feel like this is what itās supposed to be likeā¦#for years ever since I was young I didnāt think Iād live this long#when I attempted years ago I did want to go but maybe some part of me did it for attention bc I was struggling and I didnāt know what else#to do like it felt like a last resort. I hated mysel and my life and wanted out but I guess u canāt overdose on painkillers#unless itās a hell lot#even tho I did take quite a lot#n like some part of me does want to stay I want my life to be better but it just doesnāt seem to change even when I keep trying#my mental health just ruins everything#i just ruin everything#journal
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The secret to good school is good funding. One day, I dream of a world where all schools have options for their children. Personally, I think it's pretty important for that sort of thing to start out early. See if you're actually into that think BEFORE you're 100k in debt and hating your life.
My area has some awesome architecture. One time, I wanted to do a project on it, and my teacher said it was too complicated. I cried, like genuinely left that class, found a place to sit down, and just cried. The buildings were pretty, and I wanted to talk about them. I really do love the amount of thought put into those buildings. The people who made them are dead, but their art is still there. A bunch of dudes 100 years ago sat down and designed this theater. Then more came in and built it. And here I am, sitting there.
Architecture is so awesome in the way that it's interactive. It can survive longer than any human.
definitely!! being able to explore interests before you gotta choose one for your career is soso important i rlly wish i got to try out some more shit before i had to settle on smth
also sameee my city has a lot of old architecture (especially my school. some of the buildings are falling apart but they're very old and very pretty) and im like just in awe of it like architecture is an art but it's more than an art because unlike a lot of art it's not just something to look at it's somewhere someone lives or works or goes with friends and makes memories like a lot of art doesnt have a practical function but architecture does and it serves as a setting for so much of people's lives and that's really impactful and so awesome because there's architecture everywhere and it's all so beautiful *dreamy sigh*
also sucks that ur teacher sucked i hate when teachers/profs won't let you do projects on what ur passionate abt like passion is the basis of learning why aren't u supporting that....
#ask#i love architecture buildings r so pretty my school especially like i hate school but im like so scared to have to leave campus and all my#favorite buildings like i think buildings are unique as an art bc they have a sense of nostalgia that a lot of other art forms dont and they#hold a lot of memories and like there's so much variety esp in cities like the way different buildings work off each other is sp beautiful#and like the scale pf buildings make them so impressive like esp if youve watched them get built like buildings just feel so powerful#theyre made of so many little parts that come together and they can be changed and made new and they can be a beautiful facade for ppl to#look at and they can be filled with ppl's lives and ugh i love buildings i love architecture#like literally our city has quite a few nice buildings that ive had to have ppl drag me away from staring at them and everytime i go to#[redacted city] that has So many different architecture styles like im chatting during the whole time im there about the new modern styles#that are being built and the more established areas w old townhouses and how they play off each other and abt the placement of certain#buildings at key points for how they affect the skyline or how the heights of some buildings are used to draw more attention to certain#areas and ough. also hadnt been mentioned yet but i am also the same way abt landscaping i go oughh oughh fhe color choices for the bushes#against the bricks oughhhhh the way they framed the yard the way the garden plays off of yhe suttounfung buildings oughh#im kinda like that abt everything though if something can be framed as an art im like drooling and banging my head against the wall and#going oughhhh can u see the vision i see the vision everyone come snd look at this and see what the artist was intending to achieve w this#it is my horrible beautiful whimsical heart that makes me yhis way
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I literally donāt know how to talk about and process this without sounding like some sort of weird incel but maybe thatās whatās going on
#like#I just want a support system itās not that deep#but I hate feeling all triggered and emo and whatever abt it as if Iām some sort of tragic martyr#Iām just another 20 something living in USA with no good social support services#like this is just what happens#like Iām processing to myself in the tags and it sounds like something some drag queen would roast you for#like hi you never got enough attention from your parents and itās obvious#like girlllll??????#I need to chill#no I do need to let myself process these emotions like I know what the healthy mindset is for this but GODD#a nerve was hit apparently#like thereās no more looking for parental figures the older you get#the people you wanted to be your parental figures are now just like your age???#what the fuck do I do with that#volunteer at a nursing home I guess#how do people stop pitying themselves forever about this and just live their lives like what the fuck#how do u do that when u still feel like u donāt have a solid support system irl like I guess really no one was coming to save me from#my parents like Iām just stuck here with no idea of where else to go#I have been getting very good at keeping myself open to change and new beginnings and whatever#but holy FUCK can someone hurry up and like let me live at their place for free and be nice to me and I will also be nice to them and maybe#I will be able to make money in a way that is not traumatizing and then we pay off our house and are friends with everyone and can handle#whatever life throws at us#like what about that huh#like what the fuck#ok I think I got all the weird ranting and being stupid and processing out
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#i donāt wanna get jumped so iāll censor this but i have opinions#so much of what * have done in these past few months has caused i*llit to get so much undeserved hate and i gotta confess that because of it#* is starting to rub me off the wrong way#and i understand the brainwashing that went into it so i am not hating or mad or anything of the sort#but i am a little :/#theyāve been doing so much with that greeting situation and first of all i think they are pushing it and showcasing their naivety#but other than that all the attention theyāve been bringing to it has caused i*it to get so much hate for no reason#and i dont even know that group but i think itās surreal for u to make such a big deal of how u were ābulliedā (which we could discuss at#length) and then do things that only cause people to jump another group that has absolutely nothing to do with the situation#and all for that damn hag#like fuck all the adults first and foremost but u should also not make the situation worse for somebody else who has nothing to do with it#the comms major in me hates this so bad#i dont wanna say things i may regret but im slightly annoyed
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in his eyes they could be enemies to lovers
#bpe!#oc art#morro is probably like 'hmph....... hes making fun of me for listening to p!atd'#they hate each other for like no reason#the way kai exists in my mind is silly to me#he's popular except he has negative rizz#hes like clone high frida mixed with gsnk mikorin#theres no filter between his brain and his mouth#he thinks somone is cute and then he just be saying stuff#his side of beef w morro probably comes from morro initially does not gaf about him#so hes like 'pay attentions to meeeeš¢' and then just messes with him to get that attention#'u should be addicted to shutting the fuck up' 'u wanna kiss me so bad it makes u look stupid'#except kai in actuallity is the one looking stewpid
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need you to know i genuinely enjoy your blog - part of what makes it great is that its clear that you go outside and party and fuck!! so many people in this website just donāt fuck š¤§
omg !!! ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø donāt replicate my sin u will go to hell
#asked#anonymous#ALSKALSKALSKLKSLAKSLAJSLAJSL#i donāt party i end them#iām the police but instead of confiscating the drugs iām doing them all & everyone hates me for it#iām like a pig findin a truffle#i wish i could stay inside forever and just die but im an adult#has to leave the house today even#gave more directions#still exhausted#still so much shit to do#i should be euthanized#ok real talk i hope none of yall look up to me bc u shouldnāt šš donāt look at my substance use & think āwow aspiration !ā itās a problem &#itās bc of Trauma that i am An Addict#like aspire to overcome rape & assault & druggings & robbery & sex work & abusive relationships & abandonent issues & being poor &#like QLSKALKSLAKSLAJSLAKSLAKSL#LIKE LOOK AT THAT !!! laugh at my misery bc it is very funny but dont aspire to it !!!!#except for the pigeons i think everyone should feed the pigeons & should try feeding pigeons & also look at pigeons & watch the pigeons & th#think abt pigeons & love pigeons#not the point but like fr do NOT have insane amounts of sex itās not cool or swag itās honestly very sad ALSKALSKLAKSLAKSLAKSLAK#like getting flashbacks are INSANE bc iāve blacked out so many memories#no actually u should have insane amounts of sex i mean risky sex & sex for attention like iāve hooked up w people i wouldnāt ā¦ solely bc#they would give me attention that i crave like itās not even āattentionā itās just āfeeling close to a personā like i wouldāve been HAPPY to#just get a HUG or a CUDDLE but to do that i had to have sex (OR SO I THOUGHT BC I HAVE NO BOUNDARIES)
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my best friend (no. 4, i'll start assigning emojis soon for lore followers) asked me about BPD and i told them i'd talk more about it in person because BPD is the exact overlap of my own lived experience (note: i am not diagnosed but have extensive history with BPD in a secret more confusing way) and my psychological interest. but like now i'm thinking about it and generally speaking i think anything that was a symptom towards BPD i experienced has either grown more mild now that i'm out of an active trauma situation, OR has just become part of what i consider my amorphous CPTSD thing,
but i do like. think about the efforts to avoid perceived/real abandonment. and maybe i've not gone to the lengths some folks might with this but to be honest the more i think back to my own personal history the more i realize that i do in fact repeatedly do insane shit to avoid abandonment š
#NEVER beating the abandonment issues allegations#haunted by the time someone tried to break up with me and i told them they could cheat on me with other people so long as they didn't leave#ALSO haunted by the idea of breaking up with my ex causing me so much anxiety i was physically sick and begging then like very soon after#i lost pretty much all interest in my ex š ALSO thinking about getting into my first relationship so that person wouldn't leave#ALSO thinking about being unable to sleep at night knowing that if i don't get a job i will never see my dad again (NOBODY SAID THIS)#also almost ******* ****** because my friends were at an unknown location together so i was convinced they hated me#also feeling ******** at the thought of my favorite professor not liking me as a student. & spending my 1st r acting out so id see them#Um. anyway i don't have BPD but i'm never really beating the allegations for it anyway#mostly because BPD and CPTSD are so similar and you have to wonder if they'd be different diagnoses if we didn't have-#-such a carceral system that stigmatizes BPD and certain kinds of survivors and condemns them to never being treated like humans <-#who said that omg...#when i lay it out it doesn't even really sound like i have abandonment issues because these all seem kind of normal#but i think maybe that's insane. I don't know. kisses u with tongue#i'm able to have healthy friendships now sometimes but some people i am deep seededly convinced will leave and betray me#and i don't really know what distinguishes one person from another but it does kill me inside !#Shout out to best friend no. 2 & no. 5. i text one when i'm episodic so i can get her attention & the other i consistently like.#Will do literally anything for so that they don't leave me
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tbh tho i think my art is fugly af LMFAO
#not in a '>w< eeeek! i wish i could drawww š„ŗ i can only cobble such measle crap with my lowly peasant paws.. *unveils mona lisa*'#sense but like a my style makes me want to hurl whenever i look at it bcs it's a constant reminder that it can only be what i can make it be#and bcs it looks bad to me then that means i cant make things look good if u get my sense like#idk man š!! im just sick of being scribbly!! and not clean! i wanna ink my art! have crisp lines! dark lines!!#not have to put stupid darkening filters on everything bcs i cant color or shade so my art is just stuck with the blinding white background#well the frustration is more how i CAN color and shade.. i CAN ink my lines with a darker one#lets not excuse my laziness now cmon ted omg dumbass bitch#it's just that doing so makes me . crazy#my attention span like. crumbles when i try to add color or ink over lines bcs thats Such a commitment to me#i HATE leaving things unfinished when it seems so monumental#like unfinished sketches or prompts? fine. those are sketches. little prompts. even if u post it it's shit#but starting big things is a COMMITMENT.. with CONSEQUENCES ! ! i just want to avoid them ig#it's like im stuck between art being a fun lil past time and being a perfectionist actually so no. no it is not#but also i NEED to draw i NEED to write SOMETHING! SOMETHING!! then i realize the weight of things and purposefully hinder myself#then later hate myself for hindering even tho it felt so good and right in the beginning ORGHH or WHATEVER#idk one of my friends told me my style reminded them of the new tmnt movie (which has been praised yeah#for like beautiful ugliness tho) and like. i KNOW it's a compliment... but. why did it make me Feel š like i wanted to rip my art 2 shreds#once i lined my art and my friend (an artist i admire) said smthin like 'omg finally! ted lined art! gorgeous!'#& i KNOW. I KNOW IT'S A COMPLIMENT. BUT WHY AM I THINKING LIKE. SO VIOLENT. NOT ABT THEM. BUT MY SHIT NOW#like UGHHH i just HATE feeling trapped and helpless when actually theres help available but im just DUM!! JUST LINE UR ART TED#art is like playing sport is like making good grades is like working well is like being a good friend is like being a good person#literally. just be GOOD.#it's all a performance to me ARGHARGH! I HATE THE JOKER! I HATE BEING CRINGE@! RAGGHH I HATE THIS SHIT#<- mfs when no basketball#mfw i cannot avoid enlightenment via the meaningless distractions i codepently craveRAGGHG!!!!!!1!
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Putting on last year's trans rigs stream from Drawfee before i have to get ready to go out with my mum and her bf today (bc i have the worst feeling in my gut he's gonna make that An Thing for me if given the chance today, aka whenever i eventually need the restroom while we're at Mystic)
#text post#Housemate was amazing and helped me calm down a bit before ae went to work bc my brain woke up in meltdown mode over this tbh#it sucks bc like. im excited to see my mum despite the Everything with that lmao#but im not excited for how her bf has been acting since they got here (and it's been day 1 out of 7 days)#with some outright homophobic comments while Housemate and i hosted them briefly at our house yesterday afternoon#not abt us but like. i mean. u know we're both queer so#doesn't really matter if it's abt us or not it's still fucky and makes me worry abt how he's gonna be today!!#doesn't help that he really wanted to go to Italy with her instead this summer#(despite the passive aggressive complaints from him & mum to a degree abt how expensive it was for them to come out here)#(we're ignoring the fact that a European trip would be even more expensive lmao tho i do think if they want to/can afford it they should go)#like. the Vibe from him has just been that he'll be Just Polite Enough but that he didn't want to be here#and he doesn't expect to have any fun and it's like#dude i am Trying. i and Housemate have looked up stuff to do that includes things he likes (like guns and historical weapons)#we tried making comments abt that yesterday like hey u might like this but if there's anything u have in mind already#and he was just. whatever idc but then made comments that made it clear he's not excited for anything else#like museums or the beach for sea glass hunting or the bird sanctuary or even the zoo#and all have places to rest/sit plus restrooms and food so I don't think it's a worry abt facilities thing for him#i think he's just fed up that I'm still involved in my mum's life since i moved and like#yes there's a detangling of the umbilical cord i and my past therapist were trying to eventually get my mum to cut#since cutting it myself in any attempt has had her metaphorically taping it back together#but like. it's not entirely on me here. I'm trying to set boundaries and make sure she's giving him more attention than me since he's w/her#more than i am now#i know he's upset when she helps me financially too (i offer to pay her back but she always refuses it) bc she took me aside yesterday#to give me some cash for the time with them for souvenirs/fun stuff i might not buy otherwise bc im trying to be mindful of money#aka still waiting on money my fkn job should have already paid me like. a week or more ago now#he makes her happy so even if he hates me i still care abt his frustrating ass#and i do want him to have as much fun as he can while still relaxing during the trip out here#but i feel like im gonna have to physically shake him by the shoulders screaming this before he listens#and even if he listens he probably won't believe me#sorry for the tag essay the edible hasn't kicked in yet can u guys tell lmao
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