#to do like it felt like a last resort. I hated mysel and my life and wanted out but I guess u can’t overdose on painkillers
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I feel like I died so many years ago
#like yeah there’s been good parts to my life but overall the negative defo outweighs the positive#n I think everyone can tell I’m just miserable being here#I’ve spent most my life being depressed and suicidal than i have been happy#n it really does say a lot tbh like i just don’t think I’m a person capable of living life and being happy#everytime I talk to my mum I feel like by being here I just keep worrying her bc my life doesn’t seem to improve#she said it seems like things are just getting worse over better#n she’s right tbh like every year I’ve just deteriorated more and more#I feel so dead#like this just doesn’t feel like ‘living’ I genuinely have wondered sometimes whther this is just hell#n I’m not religious lol but it doesn’t feel like this is what it’s supposed to be like…#for years ever since I was young I didn’t think I’d live this long#when I attempted years ago I did want to go but maybe some part of me did it for attention bc I was struggling and I didn’t know what else#to do like it felt like a last resort. I hated mysel and my life and wanted out but I guess u can’t overdose on painkillers#unless it’s a hell lot#even tho I did take quite a lot#n like some part of me does want to stay I want my life to be better but it just doesn’t seem to change even when I keep trying#my mental health just ruins everything#i just ruin everything#journal
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