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tmisaccidentreportbook · 2 years

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MAG030, Killing Floor

Case #0130111, David Laylow Release date: August 3rd, 2016 First listen: 5th November, on the walk home. I remember walking past the Rushy Lake wall as the statement was starting.

In which I sat down to start writing, pulled up the episode, saw the title, and walked away to go make dinner early… I’m also going over my messages with dodgylogic at the time of the first listen and this one is in her Top 3 episodes.

- So I’ve done a little looking and I was somewhat shocked to see that Dalston is actually in London. Now, disclaimer, country bumpkin here, but it’s within the A406 ring road so as far as I’m concerned, it’s London. And the fact that I’m shocked, is exactly what I think this statement is going for; the fact that this sort of work is going on so close to major populations. Ok, now, I’m probably going to fumble this, but I don’t think it had computed in my brain, I’ve just always envisioned abattoirs out in the countryside, close to farms and with plenty of room. Or alternatively, the whole process handled by a butcher, because, yes, I grew up in a the sort of village you’d expect to see on the front of a biscuit tin and we have a traditional family butchers. They did damn good work during the pandemic, chased out folks who’d driven in to buy up their stock when they have an ageing an immobile population that depend on them. Taylor's Family Butchers, big respect. Anyway, I’m examining this now because historically, yeah, the animals would be driven into town to be butchered and processed in the community they were going to be sold. Makes sense. So I think it may be quiet telling that my brain had just glossed the concept over. Bit embarrassing and stupid really, my university town had an abattoir site until it was torn down in 2014. I think it’s a Premier Inn now.

- ‘I won’t say which one.’ I get that fear. There’s been so much I want to write about, about my work. Exciting things, entertaining things, things that need to be muttered into the ears of law makers with all the threat of King Claudius’ poison. But I haven’t and when I do, I keep it vague, although the discerning could probably work it out. Because my employer hasn’t the clearest guide lines on social media use and such and it became a whole lot easier just to not. Which made it all the more galling when the social media teams did put up stuff and got it wrong. It’s not like they had the experts to ask a few offices away, or failing that, the internet to ask, but I will leave that rant for the foot soldiers being kept from saying their piece for another time. But yeah, saw folk higher up the chain posting whatever they want and I was there in the knowledge if I put anything up, it would come down on me like a tonne of bricks, so forget it. Also, my industry is pretty niche and fairly incestuous, and I’ve seen stuff come round to bite folks in the arse.

- ‘I never did (get a weird vibe)… Maybe that says something about me, though.’ I work with animals. Have done for near a decade now. And people always ask me how I take the deaths, because there are a lot of them. I’m not sure if I’ve hardened or if my mentality of ‘Every day is a knife fight with God’ has solidified, but in most cases, it elicits a sigh and a small swear before I start the process of preparing for our vets to perform a post mortem. Not often does an animal’s death impact me to the point I where I grieve, it has happened, but not often. These aren’t pets of mine, they’re more like strange little work colleagues, that have a natural life expectancy much shorter than my own.

- ‘…every damn animal in that place knew exactly why they were there.’ I can believe. It doesn’t matter how well it’s cleaned, but cattle alarm pheromones will stick around and induce fear and stress to other cows. You spook one, you spook the herd. And the herd that comes after that. And the one after that. That’s before we even talk about the stress of a new environment, noise, travel etc.

- Hearing David talk about the ‘casual human brutality’ is difficult. Really difficult. Because you know it happens, not just the abuse itself, but the fact that the observer can become so numb to it. Can disassociate what is happening given time and practise. I’m thankful to say I’ve never witness what I’d consider ‘human brutality’ to animals, but I have seen ‘unnecessary carelessness’ which has often had me gritting my teeth and saying something. It’s typically down to a difference in husbandry practises. And I try and be civil. And if I couldn’t be civil I’d go get our vet, who is a woman who takes exactly zero shit and has no problem telling the collection manager exactly where he can stick it if he refuses to wear gloves despite me asking him, twice.

- ‘… just noisy meat.’ prolonged pained conflicted noises

- ‘…you start to kind of see people as meat too.’ I wonder if that’s the case in other professions too. Probably not to such a severe level of disassociation maybe, but do morticians look at people and measure them for a coffin? Do forensic pathologists try and see what would be cited as the cause of death? Do surgeons think about how much pressure they’d need to apply for the first incision?

- ‘…it’s hard to believe in any special spark that makes us humans any different.’ Mood. The only thing that makes us special is that we figured out agriculture and domestication of other species. All goes down hill from there.

- ‘…we could turn into a lifeless carcass just as easily.’ The human body is so fucking ridiculous. I am saying this as someone with a first aid level of medical training, I am very much a layman here, but the fact that we can lose limbs, multiple limbs, and pull through is incredible and wild. But you roll over funny and you can say good bye to walking or you hit you head just wrong and it’s lights out. Humans are so squishy. We make no sense.

- ‘I only worked it for a few months, and now I can’t work on any killing floor anywhere.’ Very sensible, good working practise and all, but this is a terrible jump for my brain to make and I can’t decide if it’s terribly disrespectful or poignant or both, but I recently learnt about the Sonderkommandos that worked the crematoria of Nazi death camps and how teams were liquidated at random intervals and… yeah.

- Yeah, I need a mug of tea now.

- ‘Of the people who’d worked the killing floor for over ten years, do you know what percentage went on to commit murder? One hundred percent.’ I’d like a citation of this study please. I would like to read it. But I’ve also done a quick search of more recent studies, and I realise that it’s too long since I’ve needed to read any scientific paper with anything more than surface level understanding. And while study David references would have been carried out in the 50s, there are still concerns to this day. A 2021 study, drawing data from U.S., Australia, South Africa, Turkey, Brazil, Denmark, and Ireland, found that there is a higher prevalence rate of mental health issues, depression and anxiety in particular, those affected tended to employ a variety of both adaptive and maladaptive strategies to cope, and there is some evidence that slaughterhouse work is associated with increased crime levels. Worrying, as the U.K. slaughterhouse industry has a 70% migrant workforce, people already vulnerable.

- ‘They call it “stunning”, but that’s never sat quite right with me.’ Yeah, that’s… that’s just lobotomising. more concerned distressed noises

- ‘The Bleed Crew’ is at once a horrifying concept and a baller band name.

- Tom Haan. Interesting, complicated one. The fact that he is from China and doesn’t appear to speak much English is a good representation of how the U.K.’s slaughterhouse industry relies on an immigrant work force who may otherwise be short on options for employment and are, unfortunately, easy to take advantage of. On the other hand… yikes. I have ague memories of this being discussed and Jonny unintentionally feeding back into some unfortunate stereotypes. I don’t know what prompted him to make Tom Haan Chinese, whether it was an honest desire to have more cultural variation in his characters, but he accidentality walked face first into the wall of racist stereotypes.

- ‘…but in practice no-one asks to be moved (from the killing floor). It shows a weakness that most of the people working there aren’t comfortable with.’ Iiiiii’m gonna go out on a limb here and say ‘most of the people working there’ are under the influence of toxic masculinity and a protestant work ethic amongst other things.

- ‘My feelings weren’t really working back then.’ (Hears this.) Concerned noises. (Remembers my darker days of late 2020.) Concerned noises at half an octave higher.

- ‘… in perfect English, ‘You cannot stop slaughter by closing the door’.’ Sinister in many ways; the actual words, the supposedly hidden grasp of English, and also, ok he doesn’t specify the accent, but if it IS in perfect BBC English… look, we’re the bad guys in movies for a damn good reason. And considering the British Empire’s historical relationships with mainland Asia… yikes.

- I’ve done some jobs where I was able to just switch my brain onto idle and go through the motions. I would find it therapeutic, especially one volunteer role I had at a foodbank processing stock takes. And it was wonderful because it was like reverse retail therapy, I had some semblance of control over something for 2½hrs on a Monday morning because I put the cans where they went on the shelves, and the background was a lovely group of recent retirees and stay at home dads who were happy to be a listening ear to a twitchy early 30s lass who was just trying to get her bearings. The point is, it worked because that trance like state made me very receptive, and thankfully what I was receiving was good vibes, kind advice, and tea with slightly stale biscuits. David is receptive to a circle of hell in that state.

- ‘It was the silence that finally brought me back to myself.’ The troupe of ‘it’s quiet… too quiet.’ is one of the most unnerving ones for me. Especially when there’s meant to be animal noises about; livestock, bid song etc. Because they’ll know things before we ever could.

- ‘There was no clock in that room.’ Is that typical? Or safe? Or is this just for spooks?

- ‘I surprised myself a bit with how quickly I accepted this situation.’ Another example of someone accepting the situation and dealing and processing it. I wonder if there’s a part of the psyche that realises that realises that what’s being experienced is something eldritch and unknowable and so shuts down logic and reasoning and instead concentrates on survival.

- Ok, so we’ve got a labyrinthine complex, our lone hero, and we’ve had cows coming through… Theseus and the Minotaur anyone? Also, sidebar, did you know the Minotaur of legend actually had a name? Asterius or Asterion, meaning ‘child of stars’.

- ‘These rails would never normally follow the passages of the slaughterhouse like this, and that fact bothered me, though I’m not quite sure why.’ Some little animal part of the brain still screaming ‘WRONG, NOPE, BAD’. I’ll do that, I mean, you’ve seen how I try to make the timelines behave when it can so easily be explained with ‘eldritch fuckery’. But I think I remember getting real bogged down in the delicacies of the heart surgery in Iron Man 3 that the science of the Extremis procedure completely washed on by.

- ‘Meat-bone separators, splitting saws, scald tanks.’ Delightful names.

- ‘… I don’t know how long I wandered. It felt like hours, though.’ Wibbly wobbly ooky spooky timey wimey.

- ‘The sky was a dull pink – the colour of blood being washed into a drain.’ … Yikes.

- ‘… and I began to cry. It was like something numb within me had shattered, and I couldn’t… I just couldn’t.’ I think it’s clear that David had been struggling with his mental well being before the incident took place, struggling and aware as he asked to be removed from the killing floor team. But this emotional and mental self awareness is refreshing in these statements. Especially from a man in an industry as rife with toxic masculine ideals as this.

- ‘(The scent of blood) had a strange sort of comfort to it, as it was the smell of the slaughterhouse as I had known it.’ I think the underlying horror of this other place, this abattoir in waiting is exactly that, it’s waiting. The threat is there and it hasn’t been actioned yet, it’s just waiting.

- ‘Pigs, cattle, sheep, I think I even saw a few humans in the pile, though without heads or limbs it’s hard to tell the difference between them and pigs.’ YUP. There a reason pig carcasses get used in forensic science to demonstrate the changes a cadaver goes through.

- ‘But (Tom Haan) didn’t make me fire it. I did that myself.’ Ooof, buddy.

- ‘I wish I felt bad about his death, but I don’t. I don’t feel anything at all.’ Good grief, please seek professional help.

- It got discussed in one of the Q&As that for an Avatar to… ascend shall we say, that a death was typically involved, or at least a metaphorical death. With some Avatars, the deaths have been of others; Peter Lukas’ with Jon becoming the Archivit, Jude Perry with her banking colleague, Agnes Montague with her own mother. Tom Haan’s death seems to be his own chrysalis, if this is indeed the point at which he ascended from agent to Avatar. Seems fitting, that it should be the case for The Flesh.

- I did a surface level google and couldn’t find an Aver Meats in Dalston, but there’s reason to believe that this London is not Our London, so I might leave it there. It might be Jonny has had to invent a business, it might be that if there is an abattoir in the area, they have a discreet web presence that I’m missing.

- ‘…which I would say are symptoms of PTSD, but he has strongly declined to seek treatment.’ Oh buddy, no, seek help. David was aware that he wasn’t well mentally and he’s emotional state was declining. If anything, he’s well on the way to the mental state that was so often referred to in the studies done on slaughterhouse work and crime.

- ‘… he had been renting a house in Clarence Road for almost a decade, and it was in quite a state of disrepair when he left.’ Between this and MAG018 The Flesh really seem to be murder on property, don’t they? Dread to think what the fridge looked like.

- ‘Immigration authorities are somewhat useless…. No official effort has been made to locate him, and the police were reluctant to open a new case, so we didn’t push it.’ Well… doesn’t that just make you feel fucking warm and fuzzy on the inside. Oh what? That’s rage? Oh no, yeah, that tracks.

- ‘… having trouble retaining builders, four of which have already quit.’ Interesting, considering it’s another male dominated field. I wonder if that was indeed Tom Haan’s ascension and the transformation has left a permanent scar on the site having it ‘already seemed to be way too big’.

- And I think there’s some very important discussion to be had about the industrialised meat industry. It has gotten monstrously big, and faceless, and removed, and wasteful. That image of carcasses just falling off conveyor belts and into a pit for presumably grinding up, is a terrible, wasteful image, of animal and human life and of the meat as a resource itself. I don’t know enough about butchery to know what sort of percentage of an animal goes to waste when processed for meat these days. I don’t know, I know small scale butchers will work differently but small scale and specialist butchers are harder to find and can be more expensive to buy from. I will buy local from suppliers I trust as best I can, but I’ve got the privilege of living in a market town in a rural area. And while I have the resources now, between working for a charity and the cost of living crisis, I’m having to think carefully, And I have the resources, a lot of folks may not. It grinds my gears how, like with fossil fuel burning and global warming, the ethical guilt of meat, egg and diary production is foisted onto the individual consumer who may have limited access and financial freedoms to chose, when really animal welfare and husbandry should be protected and held to a higher standard legislatively and support offered and research done properly. I know they try but I’ve heard some DEFRA horror stories and a few bad apples, whole barrel, you know the drill. Still not over the hell they put us through during the 2020 AI outbreak. Ok, I’m getting off the soap box, it’s gone midnight, I’m ranting with no receipts.

- I’ve done a little bit of butchering in my time. I’ve been part of keeper teams that’s tended tigers and lions. I’ve butchered what I think was horse meat, delivered in blue plastic barrels and thawed overnight. I’ve worn the butcher’s gauntlet, got 2 as curios on my bookcase Mum found at a car boot for me. I’ve plucked more quail and gutted more rats than I care to remember. But I’ve only ever had to kill a handful of animals, and that was always as humane euthanasia after veterinary training. Still fucking sucks.

#the magnus archives #MAG030 #The Flesh

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7fckingidiots · 4 years

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Would you be alright with writing some HCs about the brothers and a MC who's a trans guy? Sorry if it's a tall order or too vague, they're a big comfort for me and I'd like to see what ideas you have bcs your headcanons are fantastic ;w;

HELL YEAH DUDE!!!! IM ALSO TRANS!!! AH!!!!! demigirl rights :3 but i also find a huge comfort in the boys and i hc all of them as trans because no one can Stop Me •• but i really hope you enjoy these and remember you’re valid and i care u so much! Also i hope you don’t mind but i kinda made it gender neutral so every trans folk could enjoy!

The Brothers With A Trans MC

Lucifer

He didn’t know until you came out to him honestly. He knew all his other siblings were trans but with all the work Diavolo gave him and adding new students from different realms on top of that he hadn’t really had time to notice any minor changes in you.

He feels guilty about this and immediately makes sure(like everyone else)to ask for your pronouns, name, and how you would like to present yourself from now on.

Fixes your ID cards and your papers with Diavolo right after dinner

God. He’s such a dad and he gets you things that have your new name on them. You wake up to see you have a new pencil case with your name embroidered on it with matching pencils. God.....he’s so weird i love him so much

Asmo does most of your clothing shopping but for formal wear he takes you shopping! He’s not about to buy you some cheap tux or gown ok it’s gonna be over 2000 grim and he’s gonna get you three of them STOP HIM

He’s not the best with verbal affection so he writes down notes that are like “you looked very handsome/pretty today.” or when he first starts writing them they’re like “you’re a boy/girl/kid. i’m proud of you.” Thank u mr morningstar

You want surgery or to start hormones??? He will stop all his work with Diavolo and spend forever looking up things for you, he wants you to be as safe as possible(pls he almost fainted after he realized you’d have to give yourself a shot like everyday dhdhdhjdhd hc that demons/angels don’t have to do hormone therapy i’m so JEALOUS)

Practices saying your pronouns in his study when you first come out. He just wants to make sure you feel as safe as possible in his care(and he remembers how terrible it felt to be misgendered)

Guess what....he loves you no matter what :)

Mammon

You’re blind as hell if you couldn’t see his top scars but I respect it

King DOES slip up on your pronoun change but always immediately corrects himself. Satan has a spray bottle that he sprays Mammon with when he does it. Mammon is NOT amused but the same can’t be said for Belphie.

Gender affirming activities??? Oh yeah like robbing a bank?? That’s pretty gender neutral and trans right?? Yeah!!! Wow such a good supportive brother.

If you want you can wear the formal wear Lucifer bought you to the said bank heist. Boom trans rights

You can practice painting his nails or doing his makeup if you’re too nervous to do it on yourself first!! Dw if it’s bad he also can’t do makeup or paint nails so once you let him return the favor you’re both laughing and Asmo is distraught.

KING at dying hair he will get you whatever you need and if you want an entire different hair cut entirely he’s ON it

Very used to being Loud and Brash but if you need someone to talk to about anything really he always calms down and sits down to listen to whatever you have to say.

Lots of gendered gifts from him. This said for men??? Oh ok adds to cart. Oh pink??? For ladies??? yeah that can go in there too

You’re never gonna believe this.....But he loves you and supports you :)

Levi

He was the first one to come out to you at the house!! He was just so excited! Same hat!!!

Gets literally any video game where you can design the protag/have custom pronouns and will play games like that with you for hours

Would you like a pride flag.....for u.....He has too many.....Please take the trans flag please he has no room....he bought in bulk for a pride event and didn’t consider the consequences of his actions

Miku binder but irl. He will get if for you but unironically.....thanks King. He just likes binders with patterns and i respect IT

Dysphoria?? He gives you his hoodie bc that was his trademark dysphoria hoodie and i GUESS for you he can share............he would give u anything just ask nicely he’s sensitive

Reads any character that matches up with your gender and is like!!!!! That’s you!!!! OMG!!!! You in da IRL

Goes back and edits his tweets if they use your old name or pronouns(also has he/they in his bio. this is for nothing just makes me :D)

If you haven’t chosen your name he’s gonna suggest so many fictional characters. POV levi kin assigns you.

You listen to music together that just has Trans Vibes.....maybe u cry together but there’s no judgment!! It’s just nice :)

God it’s wild but! He loves u and thinks ur great :)

Satan

Enby Satan. That’s all :)

He’s very quite about it, he supports you! He’s just not loud like his brothers

He brings you book about gender studies and LGBTQ history that he thinks would interest you(there some of his favorite books and they’ve made him feel the most comfortable in his gender)

Gives you a name list if you haven’t named yourself yet! He cares about you and wants to make sure you have the right name that suits you

He’s the one that tells you that it’s ok if you’re still figuring it all out, learning about yourself is a very tricky process and if anyone knows that it’s Satan

Any of the brothers would kill anyone who misgendered you but with Satan that shit is ON SIGHT

Asks you how you know and what were the signs that gave it away to you, but only if you’re comfortable telling him!! He just finds everyone’s experience interesting and would like to know yours as well.

Spells for fucking DAYS Satan personally kills body dysphoria the best he can(mainly bc he’s HIGHKEY afraid of you getting surgery he hates knives so much)

Makes your comfort food for you when you’re feeling down about yourself and will read whatever you want to hear outloud to you.

!!!!!! GET THIS !!!!!! He loves YOU :0

Asmo

Fucking excited!!!! This means you two are going to buy so much clothing together and he gets to style you let’s GO

Buys you whatever you want but he will make you try it all on so be CAREFUL what u wish for.....ur gonna be there till the store closes yeah......

Paints your nails with the trans pride flag!! Also does your makeup and gives you tips on how to look more masculine or fem!!

VOICE LESSONS

He will help you lower or raise the pitch of your voice if it KILLS him. It eventually becomes like a mini class after school

Helps with internalized transphobia! Hes dealt with his fair share and knows how awful it can be and he will NOT being having you experience that as well we r practicing Self Care now

Picks apart any one who misgenders you until they’re crying he has NO fucking time for that behavior in this HOUSE

Sometimes self care is eating whatever you want and sitting in the dysphoria hoodies while watching chick flicks with Asmo

He likes dressing you up but he’s always sure to set boundaries so he never puts you into something that makes you feel uncomfortable

ALSO edits his posts and takes down anything that makes you uncomfortable!!

He loves you so much!!!!

Beel

another one to hand you The Dysphoria Hoodie and it’s very large and comfy!

he’ll help you make out a work out routine that will help you get the body you want and it makes him really happy to work out with you :)

he’s gonna hold your hand if you have to take shots and will give you puppy eyes if you don’t let him. He’s just worried!!!! He wants to help

stands behind you whenever you’re nervous about coming out to someone, he will NOT have someone making you feel bad or misgendering you

he’ll see food with trans pride colors and gives it too you, probably doesn’t even know what it is half the time but it made him think of you so he makes sure to get it for you

he doesn’t trip up on any of your new pronouns or name and makes it seem like he never even knew them. dead name???? what’s that??? a type of sauce?????

will let you vent to him whenever needed and will always make you a sundae after you’ve finished. it’s comically huge but it’s tasty and does make you feel a lot better, thanks beel

makes sure you remember to take off your binder if you’ve been wearing it for more than eight hours! and if you’ve been wearing heels to feel more fem he reminds you to take those off too and has a pair of slippers for you in his room that you can wear instead

hey! get this! He loves you so, so much :D

Belphie

you’re trans? ok kid join the club. he doesn’t make a big deal at all

are you still gonna cuddle with him and join him in his quest to make lucifer’s life difficult? yeah? ok then cool what’s ur name

if he hears someone misgender you he waits till you’ve left the room and just kills whoever did it, dude’s unhinged what did you expect from him honestly

he’s actually really curious about any hormone therapy you’re on and likes listening to you rant about it to him. he likes seeing your face light up and it partly reminds him of lilith

calls your hormones something stupid like “oh dude, your gamer girl juice arrived.” or “hey your little man potion is here.” ...thanks belphie

will NOT let you sleep in a binder or push up bra!!! not healthy!! let ur chest breath guys

like mammon, he gets you gendered gifts but they’re so fucking weird? you didn’t need a girls version of a collectable hot wheels set???? he got you blue lightning mcqueen sheets?????? those EXIST here????!!!!! when does he even shop......

introduces you to new people like “this is our resident boy/girl/human. they don’t do much but i think they’re cool.”

he really does care about you but he remembers when he came out he just didnt want people to make a big deal about it so he’s just doing what would have made him feel the most comfortable, but you can still see how much love he has for you when you look into his eyes

he loves you, so, so much :)

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beauvibaby · 4 years

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not okay - m.barzal

Request: can you write an imagine with mat where the reader was crying before and maybe struggles with depression and mat calls her after a game and she’s crying but she tries to rub it off and mat senses something is wrong so he facetimes her and he sees she is crying so he comforts her

You watched the game, you always watched the game, but you weren’t really watching, your eyes followed Mat up and down the ice, smiling softly every time they scored, but your brain couldn’t process the information. Your thoughts kept going back to the sadness lingering in your chest, the way you’ve been so on edge today, the way even your so called best friend had called you out on at work, in front of everyone. You were mortified, but you could get passed that, what you couldn’t get passed was how the feeling was staying longer than normal, sure Mat was gone, that always hurt, but never enough to make you be the way you are right now. You curled even further into the blanket, sniffling as the tears started again, the game being long over and you knew you’d be hearing from Mat soon, when he got to the hotel, it was too late for them to travel home tonight so he’d be here fairly early tomorrow, you had taken the day off just so you’d be able to enjoy having him to yourself for a day. Thinking of him calling only made you cry harder, wether it be in an attempt to ge the tears out before he called, or that you knew he would tell something was wrong. And just like that your phone rang and you truly contemplated letting it go to voicemail until you calmed down, telling yourself you’d call him in a little bit saying you had been in the shower. He wouldn’t believe you, and you knew that, you hated taking showers late at night, the way your hair would dry all smushed into the pillow drove you crazy.

“Hello?” You answered, barely keeping your voice level, “hey!” He was his usual cheery self, especially considering they just won another game in the bubble. “You played so good, babe, I’m so proud of you!” You forced out, and that wasn’t a lie, of course you were immensely proud, you always would be, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to be more enthusiastic. “Thank you.” He responded, you could hear people talking in the background. “Mat, go celebrate with the boys.” You told him, as badly as you wanted to talk, you could feel your facade wearing down and you didn’t want to burden him with this, you knew he already felt bad about having to be away from you. “Baby, are you ok?” He questioned, you moved the phone away from your ear, letting yourself take a shaky breath. “Yes, yeah, just tired.” You lied through your teeth, and you didn’t expect him to buy it, but he did as he gave you a quick I love you.

“I don’t know, she was just acting weird, man.” Mat sighed to Tito as he threw himself down on the bed, “like you made her mad? Or somethings wrong?” Tito raised a brow, sliding his phone into his pocket. “She didn’t sound mad, she sounded like she was crying, I didn’t want to pry, what if I make it worse?” Mat explained to his friend, rubbing a hand over his face. “You’re her boyfriend, you’re supposed to pry a little, she just needs you to ask.” Tito spoke wisely, standing to his feet, “call her back.” And with that he left his friend alone in the hotel room.

Your phone started ringing and you panicked as you scrambled to wipe the tears off your face, you knew it wasn’t worth it, he would clearly see the puffiness in your eyes. You answered the FaceTime call and watched as his face fell, “baby, what’s wrong?” His voice was so gentle, it only made you cry harder, he sat up in the bed, watching through the screen, only wishing he could reach out and hold you close. “Nothings wrong.” You squeaked out, sinking further into the blanket. “Y/N.” He sighed, “I know you and I know you’re not crying for no reason, talk to me, please.” Mat pleaded with you, “I’m just sad, that’s all.” You looked down, not being able to stare at his hurting eyes any longer. “It’s ok, you know, you don’t always have to be happy.” He assured you, he knew sometimes you struggled and although he couldn’t personally understand how it felt, he did everything he could to help you feel better. “I know, but I want to be, and I wish I wasn’t crying over this, I hate when I can’t control my emotions.” You ranted, annoyed with yourself. Mat sighed, and you took it the wrong way, “I’m sorry.” You whispered and he went wide eyed, “no, don’t apologize! I wasn’t-I’m just trying to figure out what to say to help.” He rushed, you couldn’t help but laugh through your tears at the way he panicked. “I’m so confused.” He deadpanned, looking at you through the screen, you sniffled, wiping at your eyes. “You just try so hard, it’s really sweet.” You admitted, watching as he smiled lazily at you. “Of course I try, I’d do anything to make you smile baby.” He whispered, you laid on your side, holding the phone out in front of you. “Can we just talk? Not about the crying, but just anything, please.” You asked sheepishly, feeling a little better as you listened to his voice. “Yeah, we can do that.” He laid back in his bed, mimicking your position as he started telling you about something stupid Tito did at practice.

Eventually you both ended up falling asleep on the phone and when Tito walked back into the hotel room he laughed at the sight of the two of you on FaceTime knocked out cold. He took a picture of Mat and sent it to you so you’d see it when you woke up.

Taglist: @thathockeygirl @literarycharleton @softstarkey

#mat barzal #mat barzal imagine #mathew barzal imagine #mathew barzal #mat barzal fluff #mathew barzal fluff #imagine #imagines #nhl new york islanders #nhl writing

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chrisevansszn · 4 years

Text

THE BERMUDA TRIANGLE 🔺️🔺️🔺️ PT 6

Word Count 1.3k

“Noah text me and I thought it was you. I replied that I want the baby to have brown hair and blue eyes. Noah has black hair and brown eyes. I fucked up bad. He’s so pissed. He told me to get home now.”

“Fuck. Shit. Do you want me to come with you?”

“Hell no. Are you crazy? I’m a dead woman.”

“Don’t talk like that. If he does anything to you. Call me. I will drop everything for you.”

You give Chris you address and head out the door to face Noah. This is probably the last day of your marriage.

You grab your coat and purse and head out the door. You look back to see Chris standing there very concerned with his hands on his hips.

You take a deep breath and push the elevator button to go down. The car ride was silent, all could hear was your tires hitting the road. You turned off your radio. Your anxiety was through the roof.

You pull up at home and just sat in the car. This was about to be a shit show. You decided to leave your purse in in the car just in case it gets too crazy. You walk in the door. Noah is standing in the kitchen waiting on you. You both sit and stare at each other for a few minutes.

It’s time to come clean.

“Noah…I’ve been having an affair.”

Silence

“I already knew that.”

You looked confused.

“You think I am stupid. You never stay the night at any friend’s house. You always find a way home whether someone drops you off or you take an Uber. You’ve been leaving out at night not returning home. You fucking disabled the ring doorbell! How stupid!”

You swallow.

“Who are fucking Y/N? Enlighten me. Is he your baby’s father? We’ve been together for over a decade and not even one close call.” Noah’s is beginning to yell.

“I don’t know who the baby’s father is. It’s between you and the other man.”, You are literally whispering right now from being so embarrassed.

“And that is?” Noah sits up a little more and tilts his head. Takes a drink from his whiskey glass.

“A coworker.”

“A coworker? You get to see this fucker EVERY SINGLE DAY?” He’s basically yelling right now.

“You’ve been working so much, and I felt neglected! You don’t have time for me anymore. The getaway to Florida was the first time in a long time that you even paid any attention to me. The sex is boring, and I don’t love you anymore Noah!"

The next thing you knew Noah threw his drinking glass at your but barely missed. It hit the wall behind you. You looked up to see Noah charging at you and you threw your hands up. He slammed you in the nearest wall. He had you pinned.

“I have been saving lives while you have been here being a fucking whore.”

You hear your living room door burst open and look over to see Chris. Oh God no! The look in Chris’ eyes showed that he was ready to kill!

“Chris!” You hollered.

Noah lets you go.

“This is the mother fucking you’ve been screwing?”

“You are fucking right. I’ve been dicking down your wife bitch! Oh, and she’s having my baby too.”

Lord Jesus that made your pussy throb.

Noah charges towards Chris and Chris hits him with a quick right hook. Noah flys back and Chris runs to Noah and clocks him again.

“Chris please.” You pull Chris’ arm to drag him away from Noah. Noah is touching his mouth and it’s bleeding.

“Don’t you ever put your hands on a woman again!” Chris yells. “Punk bitch!”

“Chris leave please. Now…go!”

“I’m not leaving without you, are you crazy?”

“I will wait outside until you come out.” Chris walks out and stands by his car.

You turn to Noah.

“This marriage is over. I am in love with Chris. I am going to be with him.”

“Get your fucking shit and I want you out. Out of this house and out of my life.”

“I am going to go pack some clothes. I will get the rest of my shit when you leave out again for work, so we don’t have to see each other.”

You walk upstairs and grab a suitcase. You pack everything that is important, clothes, shoes, products. Everyday stuff. You take a deep breath and walk downstairs and out the door starting your new life. Chris is still outside. You walk up to him and give him a kiss on the cheek.

“Let’s go home baby.” He speaks.

You both make it to Chris’ apartment and your phone begins to ring, it’s your mother. Noah probably told her what just happened.

“Hi Mom.”

“Y/N, what is going on between you and Noah? You left him for another man? And he man got you pregnant? What in the world.”

“Mom, calm down and listen.”

You tell your mother everything. Yes, you had an affair, you are pregnant, and you are in love with another man. You know this mess is going to take some time to calm down, but your heart wants Chris. You stay on the phone for about another 30 mins but don’t introduce Chris because now is not the time.

“Hi Chris.”

You go and sit next to him on the couch.

“Hi there.”

“How are you feeling?”

“My adrenaline is going right now with everything.”

You smile.

“I understand. How is your hand?”

“It’s fine. It hurts a little that about it.”

You get up to go get ice for his hand and come back to watch tv and cuddle. You order take out for dinner and head to bed. You never thought in a million years that you would be in this kind of situation. You just have to take it a day at a time.

The next day you get in contact with a divorce lawyer. You want this process over with as soon as possible. You continue for the next few weeks living with Chris. Everything is going great, and no one at work has a clue until….

Noah creates a Facebook post going on a rant about the event that have taken place. You knew the divorce paper would be served today but you didn’t think he would take it to social media! Your phone begins to blow up with people trying to let you know what is going on and asking questions.

Your bestie Carrie sends you the screen shot.

“Look at this bullshit Chris!”

You show Chris the post.

“Oh my God he is bonkers. What is that going to accomplish?”

“I don’t know. He leaves for Arizona to go work this weekend. I am going to get the rest of my shit and try to get the house on the market."

You are trying to stay as calm as possible to not upset the baby. You and Chris decide to work from home for the rest of the week to get a game plan going for work. You both know people will talk but there are bigger fish to fry now.

That Saturday, you and Chris drive over to your home with Noah. You notice his car in the driveway. That’s weird he should be gone by now. You roll your eyes and walk to the door. You turn the knob, and the door is not locked. Weird.

You walk in and holler that you are there and just picking up some more stuff.

Nothing.

You walk around. You see Noah’s keys and wallet on the living room table. OK…

You walk upstairs to the bedroom, and then to the bathroom because the door was opened and lights are on. You see Noah’s lifeless body in the tub.

“CHRISSSSS!” You scream out while running out the house. He meets you at the door.

Noah is dead!

@chris-butt 💙

#cevans #chris evans #chris evans fanfiction #chris evans x reader #chris jamal evans #marvel #andy barber #defending jacob #stevenomad

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the-daily-multi-fandom-post · 4 years

Text

Body switch -

Requested :

Warnings: , body switch, a few swear words. I’m not sure what else.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

“Bonnie Bennett!!” Y/n screams as she looked into the mirror in the bathroom.

She already knew something was wrong when she woke up in Damon Salvatore bed. But looking in the mirror to see Damon looking back at her scared the crap out of her.

She rushed to grab Damon’s phone off the night stand beside the bed to call Bonnie.

“Bonnie Bennett, get your ass to the Salvatore boarding house now!” Y/n exclaimed as she looked down at herself.

“Damon what’s wrong?” Bonnie groaned as if she had just woke up. Y/n forgave her because it was fairly early.

“This isn’t Damon, Bonnie! It’s Y/n!! You know the girl who’s known you since you were in diapers!!”

She could hear Bonnie laugh in the other side of the phone which made her 10 times more flustered.

“Alright, say I believe you. Tell me something only Y/n would know.”

Y/n rolled her eyes as she started to think of something.

“6th grade you had a huge crush on the foreign exchange student. So you tried to learn some of their language to talk to them. But you actually said-“

“Alright alright I believed you! Y/n, how the hell did you and Damon switch bodies?” Bonnie question, making y/n roll her eyes at her friend.

“Probably yesterday when you were trying to do that spell and accidentally spilt that potion on me and Damon. Maybe it took a couple hours to set in or something.” Y/n tried to give an explanation.

“Y/n, if your on Damon’s body. That mean he’s in yours. Where we you last night?” Bonnie asked her friend through the phone.

“Bonnie, meet me at the lockwoods.”

“Why were you there?” Bonnie asked.

“Well.. you’ll find out soon. I gotta go.”

Okay, by-.” Too late you already hung up the phone.

You rushed to get dressed. (Since Damon apparently doesn’t wear anything but boxers to sleep in). Then rushed down stairs to get in Damon’s car and drive as quickly as possible to the Lockwoods mansion.

“Mmh.” Damon hums as he slowly starts to wake up. Feeling a few kisses on his neck.

“Good morning beautiful.” He heard a soft yet deep voice whisper. He slowly opened his eyes to only be met with Tyler lockwoods brown ones.

“Ahhhh!!!!” Damon screams as he rolled over falling out of the bed onto the cold, hard wooden floor.

“Y/n, are you okay?” Tyler called out as leaned over the bed looking down at an Y/n.

“Tyler! What the hell?!” Damon screams as he pulls the blanket off the bed and wrapped it around his waist. Even though the baggy shirt Y/n had on was covering her whole body.

Tyler looked at y/n (Damon) confused.

“Are you okay?” Tyler quietly asked as he stood up from the bed. Nothing on but black boxers.

He walked over towards Damon and Damon groaned.

“Put some clothes on lockwolf . That’s just gross.” Damon said looking at Tyler who was only in his boxers. He then moved his head away from Tyler, who had stopped in his steps.

“Okay what’s going on?” Tyler questioned as he looked at his girlfriend.

“I’m not y/n!” Damon exclaimed as he looked at Tyler who had just put on his shorts and a tank top.

“What?”

“Look, I’m not y/n. I’m Damon. You know the almost 200 year old vampire. Yeah! I don’t tango with wolves. I don’t swing that way..” Damon spoke harshly looking at Tyler.

“Oh my god!” Tyler said as he started to think. “How long have you been in her body?!” Tyler asked as he thought about last night.

“I guess this morning, I’m not sure! How the hell am I suppose to know?!”

Tyler shrugged as Y/ns phone rung. Damon rush over and grab it, almost dropping it in the process.

“Hello? Y/n?!” He practically yelled into the phone.

“Damon! Thank god you answered the phone.”

It was weird for them both to hear their own voice talk back to them.

“Look, Damon, I’m on my way and so I Bonnie. I don’t know how this crazy shit happen, but Bonnie said, she’ll try to help us get back to normal.” Y/n started ranting as Damon rolled his eyes.

“Great, well while Im in your body I found out a few things about you.” Damon started to tease.

“What?” Y/n was confused as Damon was teasing.

“Well, Mr. lover boy here as a way to waking you up. Oh, and since when are you two a thing?!” Tyler rolled his eyes as he walks out the room.

“Oh god, Tyler. I forgot about that. Whoops.” Y/n said with a nervous laugh. He could practically hear the blush in Y/ns words.

“Hey, y/n let me ask you something? Does he wake you up every morning kissing your neck calling you beautiful?”

Y/n blushed then played it cool.

“Aw, is someone jealous?”

“No, just wondering. I don’t think he’ll be able to look at you the same for a while.”

Y/n rolled her eyes and groaned.

“Whatever I’m pulling in the drive way now.”

Bonnie came in right behind her and they rushed into the house.

“Damon!!” Bonnie yelled as they walked in.

“He’s right behind you.” Jeremy said pointing to Y/n.

“I’m hurt, Jer. Real hurt.” Y/n said as she placed a hand over her chest.

“Damon and Y/n somehow switched bodies. Don’t ask me how, we aren’t completely sure.”

“Oh my god, does that mean you, I mean Damon is upstairs with ty?”

Bonnie looked at Y/n confused then she put two and two together.

“Oh my god!” Y/n vamp sped up the stairs to Tyler’s room.

She saw Tyler walking down the hall,

So she darted into Tyler’s room without being seen.

“Since when did you have boobs?” Damon asked as he looked down his (y/ns) baggy shirt.

“I mean I know you’ve always had them, but gosh they are huge!”

“Stop looking at them!” Y/n said as she walked into the room. Damon was standing in front of the bed, just randomly looking down at his (y/ns) chest. She rolled her eye and walked over to the closet in the room. She grabbed a (y/f/c) t-shirt and pair of black jeans, and a bra.

“Get dressed.” She demanded as she handed the clothes to Damon.

“Fine.”

After a few minutes Damon got dressed and came out of the Bathroom looking pretty good. Except for the hair. It was all over the place.

“Sit down on the bed and I’ll do your hair.” -God I never thought I’d be doing my hair in someone else’s body. Y/n thought as she rolled her eyes.

She brushed then braided her (Damon’s) hair. Then braided like she normally would.

“You have to behave. We need to get this over with!” Y/n exclaimed as she looked over at Damon who was pulling at the straps of the bra.

“This stupid thing is like a torcher device.”

“Welcome to every life of a woman, now come on.”

———-

“Okay, I’ve been through all the groimores and still can’t find the spell from yesterday!” Bonnie exclaimed as she closed the heavy spell book.

“Okay, we’ll do you remember what spell it was? Or some of the words?” Y/n asked as she kept going through the groimore in hand.

“Not really.” Bonnie mumbled as she threw her head back in stress.

“Well I need a stiff drink and you need to feed. I can’t have my body all weak when I get back in it.” Damon said as he got up from the couch.

Y/n looked at Damon and then to the rest of the gang.

“What?! I can’t feed I’m human.” Then she thought about it. She’s in Damon’s body. She has to.

“Fine.” She huffed. “But we take my car and I drive.” She said as she grabbed the keys to her (your dream car).

Damon nodded as he followed her out to her car. As she was getting in the front seat she could barely squeeze into the seat.

“Jeeze, am I that short or are you too tall?” She mumbled to herself, but Damon laughed.

“Your short.” He snorted out as he tried not to laugh to hard.

“You better shut up before I compel you to.” Y/n threaten as she started the car.

“You can’t you take vervain and have a vervain bracelet.” Damon spoke as if he knew something she didn’t.

Y/n laughed at him as she took his wrist in hers. Showing him he had no bracelet on. “Did you take your shot of vervain this morning?” Y/n asked with a smirk in her voice.

Damon frowned as he started to worry.

“Where’s the vervain bracelet?” Y/n chuckled as he spoke.

“On the dresser at my house. I take it off when I get a shower, but sometimes I forget to put it back on. Which is why I take vervain each and every morning. But that was 24 hours ago.” She smirked as she started to drive.

“I’m kidding.” She lies as she started to sped up. Damon let out a breath of relief. “No I’m not.” She laughed as she drove down the road towards the Salvatore house to get some blood bags.

“Look if your that worried about it. I have some extra vervain in the glove box.” Y/n laughed as she watched Damon very quickly open the glove box searching for vervain.

After he took the vile of vervain letting it get into his system he looked at her in a weird way.

“You know it’s kinda weird to have a vile of vervain in your glove box.”

She looked at him with a cocked eyebrow.

“Well it might have just saved your life.”

After Y/n grabbed a handful of blood bags and Damon getting his hidden supplies of bourbon from his room they went back to Tyler’s house.

When they got there Y/n had finished off two blood bags in her third one. Damon was telling her not to get to attached to it. That she would put him on a feeding frenzy when he was back in his body.

After hours of helping Bonnie look through what feels like hundreds of spell books, 2 more bags of blood and Damon going through a bottle of liquor; Bonnie finally found the spell she needed.

“Okay, I think I found it.” Bonnie said as she shows the spell to Y/n and Damon.

“Well what are we waiting on. Let do it!” Y/n exclaimed as she happily stands up.

Damon stumbled a little bit from being intoxicated as he was in Y/ns human body and not in his vampire one.

“Okay hold hands. While I say this spell. If you start to feel something weird just say something.” Damon and Y/n nodded as the held each other’s hand.

Bonnie started the spell as the rest of them watched.

While Bonnie started chanting the spell all the candles in the room flared up making the room brighter and hotter.

After a few minutes of bonnies chanting both Y/n and Damon started to feel a tingling sinsation in their body.

Then after a few minutes all the candles went out and so did Y/n and Damon. Both were passed out in the floor unconscious.

“Hey, wake up. Damon, Y/n wake up.” Elena softly spoke as she tried to wake the two up.

Y/n woke up first. Rubbing her eyes as she sat up. Looking around she seen everyone looking at her.

“Why are y’all all staring at me?” Tyler looked down at her and chuckled.

“Do you not know what happen?” Y/n asked as she sat up.

“You don’t remember what happen?” Caroline asked as she walked closer to her friend.

“I don’t know. I remember waking up this morning and then I had this crazy dream that I woke up in Damon’s body.” She explained rubbing her temples.

“That wasn’t a dream, that was real. Somehow, you and Damon switched bodies. We assume after Bonnies potion spilt on the two of you.” Matt continued Caroline’s explanation.

Slowly Damon started to wake up and then explain to him what had happened. But still they weren’t 100 % sure if it was Bonnies potion that had spilt on them or what it could have been.

#the vampire diaries #stefan salvatore #Tyler lockwood x reader #damon salvatore x reader #stefan salvatore x reader #supernatural #x reader #tvd #the originals #damon salvatore #jeremy gilbert #tyler lockwood #elena gilbert #reader insert #jeremy gilbert x reader #bonnie bennett #caroline forbes x matt donovan #caroline forbes

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infinite-xerath · 3 years

Text

Runeterra Retcons 4: Varus

Unlike the other Champions I’ve covered, Varus’s history is surprisingly straightforward. He was released all the way back in 2012 and, as far as I can recall, was the first Champion to ever receive any sort of major promotional material in the form of a short comic. He’s very straight-forward in both concept and design: a man willing to sell his soul, his very humanity, for revenge on the people who took everything from him. Given that this was before Kalista was added to the game, Varus had little choice but take matters into his own hands by bargaining with a vaguely-defined Eldritch being who would give him the power he needed in exchanged for taking over his body.

Original lore here

Varus’s lore is a very traditional revenge story, albeit with a slightly interesting twist in that he is the maker of his own tragedy. Varus opted to place his duty over the well-being of family and, in the process, was unable to even TRY to protect them while his village was being reduced to burning rubble. Out of grief and rage Varus turned to bargaining with the very entity he fought so hard to keep confined now that he no longer has anything to lose.

I and many others liked Varus’s story, and to be honest, Riot could have honestly just kept him more-or-less the same when they updated him post-retcon. Just remove the mention of the League and maybe better-define what the black flames were, and you’d be good. In fact, Riot technically did the former, as his second lore is basically identical save for removing any mention of the League of Legends.

Now, it’s at this point that things start to get a little more complicated. Now, if you want a more comprehensive breakdown of the Darkin and their history, I advise you go check out the part centered around Aatrox and his long and convoluted history, but tldr: the Darkin were a race of beings of whom only five remained, and it was later confirmed with Rhaast that they’re specifically a race of living weapons with the ability to possess whoever wields them. Now, while Varus was specifically possessed by an ominous black flame called Pallas, many drew parallels between him and the other Darkin characters, especially since Varus’s also seemed to be alive.

Given that the flames were never really elaborated on or given a proper origin story, Riot decided that it would probably be best to just go ahead and retcon Varus into being a Darkin as well, and nobody had any real qualms with this. It was a common fan theory for years, so why not? Just change the story a bit so that the flames were actually just a Darkin bow all along and boom, you’ve pretty-much done all you needed to properly fit Varus into the new post-reboot Runeterra.

Well, apparently Riot did not feel this way, as it was with Varus’s 2017 retcon that they decided to finally give fans a proper origin story for who and what the Darkin were. That origin story goes a little something like this.

Alright, so Varus is now an alien. They decided to make Varus himself the Darkin, rather than the man who would later claim the bow. OK, that’s fine. I mean, the whole alien thing is kinda weird and still very vaguely explained, but again, my full thoughts on the history of the Darkin as a whole can be seen in the Aatrox analysis. What I think is most important here is that Riot made an attempt, however sloppy, to explain who and what the Darkin were and finally give context to why Aatrox and Rhaast are such big threats to the world.

Now, it’s the next change that got a lot of controversy around it. Rather than just change the name of the Ionian guard who let Varus possess him, the guy who lost his family to the Noxian invasion, Riot decided to replace him with a pair of entirely new characters: Valmar and Kai, a duo of gay Ionian hunters.

Now, I’m just gonna get this out of the way: I’ve got no real qualms about gay relationships in media. Hell, we have a few LGBT Champions in the game already, and even some in the broader expanse of the world. My main gripe comes from the introduction of Valmar and Kai themselves, and how they’re just sort of these… Nothing characters. I mean, in the first lore, we knew who Varus was. We may not have known him well, but we could at least get a general sense of his character: he was proud of his skill, committed to the duty given to him even at the risk of his family, but ultimately succumbed to grief and rage when his decision caused him to lose everything he held dear. Varus was a good man warped by the loss of his home and loved ones, and that made him a fairly compelling character.

Valmar and Kai are… Two gay hunters. That’s it. That’s literally all we know about them from the bio alone. I mean, yes, Riot released a comic to further expand on these characters, but if your answer to the questions raised in your story are “go and read this extra supplementary material for context,” that’s… A problem.

On the topic of supplementary material, Riot also released a music video about Varus. It’s… OK. I personally don’t care much for the song but the visuals alone are really well-done. It’s supposed to detail the conflict between Valmar, Kai and Varus, but most of the context behind it is explained in the comic and short story.

Honestly, Varus’s retcon is kind of baffling. I mean, he didn’t receive a visual rework, his kit remained pretty-much the same as it’s always been, and he doesn’t even have any new voice lines in-game to indicate that he’s three different guys all stuck in one body. In fact, people who play him in-game without reading the lore probably wouldn’t ever be able to guess as much. Riot went to so much effort promoting Varus’s lore update with a music video, a new bio, a new color story, and a three-part comic, but they really haven’t changed anything about him in the game itself. They put more effort into him than they do for most ACTUAL Champion VGU’s. So… Why?

Admittedly, this is where I’m going to delve a bit into conspiracy theory territory, but I genuinely believe this is a case of Riot trying to push League’s first openly queer relationship. Seriously, Valmar and Kai are the first time a character in League has been confirmed gay IN THE LORE ITSELF and not just through a random tweet. Now, the word “pandering” gets thrown around a lot these days, and I don’t really like to use it, but it really does feel like Valmar and Kai were added JUST to have a confirmed gay couple in the lore.

The fact that they’re not even acknowledged IN THE GAME ITSELF really makes the whole thing feel like an attempt to just appeal to the LGBT crowd, though I’ve seen plenty of people in that community react… Less than positively to the portrayal. I mean, two gay guys are literally trying to hold back a corruptive, even influence with the power of love. I don’t wanna delve too much into the political side of things here, but that’s honestly about as cliché and stereotypical as you can get. Fans in general were extremely displeased that the man they knew as Varus, this genuinely tragic figure from the original lore, was replaced by two guys who’s only defining character trait is how much they apparently love each other.

Apparently, these complaints came through loud and clear, as Riot would update Varus one final time after deciding to retcon the whole alien plotline. So, let’s have a look at how his current, canon bio handles him.

Alright, well… Riot heard the complaints, but whether or not they fixed him is another matter. It seems like they tried to give Varus back his original origin story, basically making the archer we new from his first bio Shuriman. The problem is that there’s significantly less context for him now; we don’t know anything about his family, we don’t know why the temple he’s guarding is so important, and the story never even explicitly states that his family died!

I guess it’s implied because the Ascended acknowledged his “sacrifice,” though him being rewarded by becoming a demigod doesn’t quite have the same impact as exchanging his life and soul for a shot at revenge. On top of that, Varus seems pretty quick to give up on the whole “sacred duty” thing, despite the story claiming that being the thing he “he held above all else.” It all feels like a botched effort to mix his original bio with the new Ascended lore that Riot tied in with the Darkin.

Then, of course, there’s Valmar and Kai, who are… Still just gay hunters. They haven’t been expanded on at all. They helped drive the Noxians off from their home, Kai was apparently wounded, and Valmar decides that dipping his lover in an ominous pool of evil to save his life is a bad idea. Seriously, the bio states that they “inadvertently” freed Varus, but there was nothing accidental about it! There was no bargain, they weren’t tricked, it was literally just one guy making a stupid decision that got him fused with his lover and an ancient evil being.

Also, can we address the fact that Varus still wants to avenge the destruction of his race? Who does he want to avenge? The other Ascended? The Ascended who literally warred with each other for centuries? The same Ascended that HE FOUGHT AGAINST during the civil war for control of Shurima? Did Riot just… Forget that he’s not an alien anymore in that brief paragraph? They stated earlier that he was a cruel, merciless killer who just went to slaughter whoever he was told to slaughter, so for some reason I don’t feel like he’d care all that much about his “race” being felled. Oh, and there’s also still the unnamed warrior queen, who I THINK is meant to be a precious Aspect of the Sun? It’s never really stated in the bio itself.

Alright, enough ranting. Varus’s current lore suffers from one major fault: it is trying way too hard to tell several stories all at once. It tells the story of Varus as a human, Varus as an Ascended, Varus as a Darkin, the “story” of Valmar and Kai, and how they got fused with Varus. The writers tried way too hard to cram everything into a single bio and, as a result, nothing is elaborated on. Nothing is really explained, we don’t get to know the characters who are involved in the gestalt entities now known as Varus, and reason for his current existence AS a gestalt entity are just kinda silly, if we’re being honest.

So, how can we fix this? I admit: this was a tough one. There were a lot of different directions I could go when rewriting Varus’s lore, but I decided to take the Kayn approach, where the human host in the focus of the bio. Originally, I did have a whole bio written out for Varus and how he became an Ascendant, but I ultimately realized that I was going to run into the same issue Riot did: trying to cram way too much into a single character overview. So, instead, I chose to focus in more on the story of Valmar and Kai, and how the Darkin Bow was freed after ages of confinement. Without any further ado, please enjoy.

For years, the Darkin Bow has remained confined within the Ionian city of Pallas. The bow’s true nature has long been lost to time, though legends say it holds the spirit of an ancient god from a vast desert land. Others claim that the bow itself is something much older and viler than history itself dares to remember. Whatever the truth may be, the people have Pallas have guarded the bow for generations, choosing only their most skilled warriors from the task. Among them, none seemed better-suited for the task than Kai and Valmar.

Kai and Valmar were inseparable since they were children. Kai, a prodigy marksman, was known for his sense of humor and fierce resolve. Though infamous for his pranks, Kai would never hesitate to step in and defend someone in need, no matter how poorly the odds stood in his favor. By contrast, Valmar had trained in the ways of swordsmanship since he was old enough to grip a blade. Diligent and studious, Valmar was what many considered a model samurai in the making, yet he was also unendingly curious about the world and the many wonders it held.

At a glance, Kai and Valmar seemed near-total opposites, yet the two formed an unbreakable bond from the day they met. Kai would often accompany Valmar to explore the surrounding wilderness, only for Valmar to shelter Kai whenever one of his pranks went awry. As each boy matured, mastering the bow and blade respectively, their bond became something deeper than simple friendship. Valmar was a part of Kai, and Kai a part of Valmar. Neither was complete without the other, and so it came as little surprise that when Valmar was chosen to guard the Temple of the Bow, Kai soon followed.

Together, Valmar and Kai drove off many would-be thieves seeking to claim the cursed weapon’s power as their own. The two fought as one, each arrow from Kai’s bow in perfect sync with every swing of Valmar’s blade. Eventually, they came to be known as the Locust and Mantis, for the whirring of Kai’s arrows and the elegance of Valmar’s blade. It was believed that none could stand up to their combined might… Until the Noxians came.

From their post at the temple, Valmar and Kai watched in horror as the invaders stormed their home, setting fires and killing anyone who dared to stand in their way. For the first time, two warriors found themselves at odds; Kai wished to help defend the people of Pallas, but Valmar insisted on protecting the temple. In the end, neither had much choice in the matter, for the Noxians soon had them cornered on the temple steps.

Valmar and Kai fought for hours, their combined might slowly waning against the invaders’ onslaught. Kai’s strength was the first to give out, yet before death could reach him, Valmar stepped in the way to shield his partner from the blow of a Noxian axe. Kai watched in horror as Valmar fell to the ground, lifeless. Enraged, Kai fired all the arrows he had left before taking up Valmar’s sword, slaying the Noxian forces assaulting the temple. Even still, he knew it would not be long before more came, seeking to claim the forbidden bow.

In that moment, Kai heard a voice calling to him from within the temple. It promised him vengeance and the strength to fight back. Driven by rage and grief, the wounded archer let the voice guide him inside, just as more Noxian invaders began their ascent up the temple’s stairs. It was there, in the darkness, that Kai at last set eyes upon the cursed weapon he and Valmar spent years protecting: a bow thrumming with unearthly power. Kai hesitated for only a moment before grasping the bow, letting its power wash over him.

Kai’s mind was filled with images and thoughts not his own: a vast desert empire, a man made a god, betrayal, war, and finally, imprisonment. These were the memories of Varus, an Ascended being who devoted his life to serving Shurima, only to be abandoned in his time of need. His bitterness and hatred had summoned the Darkin Bow, granting Varus the opportunity to seek revenge on those who had wronged him. In the end, Varus was sealed within the bow, becoming one with it… And now, he would become one with Kai as well.

As Varus’s memories filled Kai’s mind, the Darkin’s power corrupted his body. Varus prepared to usurp Kai’s form entirely, but to his surprise, the Ionian’s drive for vengeance matched his own. Kai was prepared to give anything to avenge Valmar, his fallen half, yet he would do so with his own hands rather than entrust the task to a fallen god.

Even as their minds fought, the archers’ new, fused body moved on pure instinct. One by one, the Noxian forces in Pallas were felled by crimson arrows born of pure malice. Seeing the corpses of his kinsmen and the ruins of his home only fueled Kai’s rage, which in-turn empowered the Darkin in his grasp. Finally, the two archers came to an agreement as the Noxians fled: Varus would lend Kai his strength, in exchange for the Ionian’s body once Kai’s vengeance was complete.

Now on borrowed time, Kai has but one objective: to find and kill everyone he holds responsible for the destruction of his home and the death of his partner. To Varus, however, the destruction of Noxus is but the first step toward a much larger goal: revenge against the gods who betrayed him, and the world that sealed him away…

So, that’s my take on Varus’s lore. Now, the first thing you’ll probably notice is that I only have one of the lovers being possessed. Frankly, I felt that this was probably the best direction to go with; Riot still hasn’t updated Varus in any meaningful way to include Valmar and Kai in any of his voice lines, and something tells me that, being owned by a certain Chinese company, they probably never will. Given the circumstances, I figured it was probably best to give him a backstory more befitting of his in-game voice lines, which still portray Varus as a man on borrowed time who’s giving what little he has left in pursuit of vengeance.

Even so, I decided to try my hand at fleshing out Valmar and Kai. The first thing I did was change them from random hunters to trained soldiers tasked with guarding the temple. This not only harkens back to Varus’s original lore, but it also gives them more of a reason to stand their ground against the Noxian invaders. I also wanted to flesh out their personalities a little more, because I’ll be completely honest: I legitimately couldn’t remember which one was which even after skimming back through the comic. I forgot that Kai was the one who was injured in the original story, not Valmar, but quite frankly it matters so little given how poorly their characters are fleshed out.

Now, as for Varus himself… Well, like I said: I did have a whole bio written out for him that ties into the new Darkin lore I introduced in my Aatrox analysis, but I decided to focus the story more on Valmar and Kai and only have that backstory briefly alluded to. A tad disappointing, I know, but hey, it’s still more than what we learned about Rhaast from Kayn’s bio.

So, that was Varus, the Arrow of Retribution, otherwise known as Riot’s botched attempt at LGBT representation. He’s a far cry from what he started out as, and yet, hilariously, he’s really not on account of them still not updating anything about him in-game. In that respect, the Varus you play as in League isn’t really even the same character(s) presented in the lore. While I still firmly believe that his backstory never needed to be changed so drastically in the first place, I least wanted to present the potential that this direction held, and how badly the opportunity was squandered.

Oh well. At least the music video still looks nice.

#Runeterra Retcons #Varus #League of Legends

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enigma-im · 4 years

Text

Like a Virgin

Rating: Mature Relationship: Incubus x Female!human Warning: betraying of trust, broken friendship, incubus are cum brains, comfort, fluff, no sex

Word Count: 7797

Can an Incubus and a virgin be friends?

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"Tatiana, or Tina. I know it starts with a T. Either way she was crazy, even for my standards! I couldn’t bring myself to say no to her though, her energy was intoxicating," Silas rants. I pay attention for the most part but he caught me in the middle of something. He just kind of started talking. Honestly, I don’t mind his stories, they are funny or interesting most of the time. I secretly think I'm the only one he talks to about this cause I'm the only one who listens. Add comments here and there. Everyone else is too busy trying to get his attention just to get an excuse to look at him.

"Your appetite is going to get you into trouble if you find yourself struggling to say no," I pass him a sly grin. Out the corner of my eye, I see him rest his crossed arms on the table. I feel him staring at me, probably thinking of some stupid joke. I fiddle with my tablet as I finish my document.

"What about you, I can't be the only one having weird sexual adventures. Even someone as quiet as you must have some really kinky shit to tell," Silas rest his head against the table. Just in the corner of my vision. I ignore him for a second as I write my last sentence.

I look over at him," what's that?"

"What's the weirdest sexual encounter you have had," he repeats. I cock an eyebrow, eyeing him for a second.

I turn back to my tablet," I've never had sex." I don’t notice him recoil from me. I open up my email and send over the file to another coworker. Once I finish I turn off my tablet and give Silas my full attention. He looks shocked. His mouth is slightly open and his eyes wide.

"what," I ask.

"You never had sex," he tilts his head. His eyebrows furrowing in concern.

"Nope, never have," I shrug. It's not a big deal, I know if I really wanted to then I can find some stranger. Still, that has never been alluring. I would rather be in a committed relationship before I do anything like that.

"How old are you, aren't you like 24? How can anyone live that long and not at some point had sex," he asks.

"I just haven't, it isn't a big deal," I begin to get embarrassed. When I was a teenager I thought about sex often. As I got older it has lost its appeal. I never dated in college because I was busy with work or school. Then finding a job I didn’t really bother with dating. After 21 I just didn’t care anymore.

Silas doesn’t share my sentiment.

"Is it a religious thing? Are you waiting till marriage or..," he sits down next to me," like you are pretty, I can't imagine you haven't had offers. Then its got to be a personal choice. So spill it, what's up." I begin to fold into myself, his questions making me nervous.

"I just haven't. there haven’t been any situations where I've had the choice. Not that I've put myself into those situations either way. So let's just drop it," I cross my arms and turn away from him. He grabs my chair and turns me back to face him. His face is serious, I've never seen him serious before.

"Are you interested in it? Are you asexual," he keeps questioning. Wanting to get away from his scrutiny I get up, knocking his arm from the chair. I walk around the seat, keeping it between us. "its ok if you are, I'm just trying to wrap my head around this," he tries to clarify.

"I rather not talk about this, if you don’t mind. My break is over so I'm going to go back to my office now," I try to be calm. I'm not going to hold this against him. He is an incubus, so I understand his interest in the topic. It doesn’t mean I have to answer him.

He drops it," alright, sorry. Didn’t mean to pry. Have a nice day, Chloe." with that we part ways.

I don’t see him again till the next day. What a weird day that was too.

"Hey, Chloe," someone stops me in the hall.

"Hey," I look the man over. He is a tall lanky fellow, short black hair and glasses. I remember seeing him around but his name evades me. I think it starts with an R.

"So I heard you are into local bands. You mentioned visiting Ricardo's on Saturdays. I was thinking, my brother's band is playing this weekend and I was curious if you would like to come see him," he asks. The entire time he is talking I'm trying to think of his names. Robert, Richie, Rhett? It takes a second for me to realize he asked a question.

"Oh, this Saturday? I'm going to visit my mother, my cousins are coming in for the weekend so I wanted to stop by and say hi," I answer honestly. I'm curious about his brother's band though. It's nice of him to promote his sibling like this.

He drops his shoulders," right, maybe another weekend then?"

"Yea, just let me know when he plays again. I'll stop by and check him out," I smiled curtly," but I really got to go, see you around?"

"Yea, sure. Later, Chloe," he waves. He looks a little dejected but I can't find myself to care.

The day gets a little weirder when I'm visited by another coworker.

"Chloe, working hard as usual," I look over my desk to Derek. He is a short stout fellow with brown hair. Derek is a funny guy but I found his personality to be too overpowering.

"Of course, hard work promotes better values," I curtly smile. I believe that is the end of the conversation until he steps closer to my desk. He rests his elbows on it, leaning beside me.

"Working hard all the time, when do you ever take a break. Perhaps we can grab lunch later? Get out of the building. I know a nice little pizza joint down the way," he offers.

"No thanks, I'm lactose intolerant so pizza doesn’t agree with me. Also, pizza without cheese is an awful idea. I may not be able to eat it much anymore but I know cheese makes a pizza," I try to joke. I know Derek is being friendly like usual but I can't bring myself to tolerate him today.

"Then how about the Chinese place on by the bank, they ha-,"

"Derek, stop bothering Chloe and get your ass back here," someone calls from out the door. Derek jerks his head over, glaring at the woman down the hall.

He turns back to me with a grin," Guess I have to pester you for a date later, till next time." with that he gets up and leaves. I watch him go with a confused look.

"He was asking me out?"

The time till lunch is filled with men, and a few women, coming up to me. For the most part, I think they were all asking me out. Some stumbled over their words so I didn’t understand. The ones I do know for sure I politely decline. I don’t wanna date, especially not someone from work. Most of them take it nicely, a small few are rude. Like Jose.

"Why not," Jose glares," it will be fun."

"I'm just not in the market for a boyfriend right now," I try to inch around him so I can head to the cafeteria. He slams his palm into the wall beside me.

"Not in the market? Silas told me otherwise," he leans in with a smirk.

"Silas told you," I stare confused. Pushing myself into the wall to get away.

"Yea, he said you were interested. Mentioned you would be an easy thing too," he tries to lean in closer. I dart underneath his arm, not bothering with him anymore. "Hey, we aren't done," he calls down the hall. I stop and glare at him over my shoulder.

"You ever talk to me again, I'm calling HR," I sneer. He rolls his eyes but walks off.

That dick! Not Jose, but Silas. What he doing telling everyone I'm interested? Telling people I'm an easy lay or something.

I change my course from the lunchroom to Silas' office. I stomp up the step, clenching my tablet in a tight grip. I slam open the door and march inside. I find him sitting in his chair, bent over his desk writing. When the door bangs against the wall he looks up. He starts with a smile but drops it when he sees my glare.

I slam my hands on his desk," Don’t you ever butt in my love life again. If I find out you are telling people that I'm 'easy' again I will cut your damn balls off. Do you understand me?" he sits back in his chair a little worried. Perhaps a little scared. My words take a second to sink in for him. Once they do he sits up.

"I never told anyone you were 'easy'. I said you they should try asking you out. Who said you were easy," he furrows his brow.

I slam my hands on the desk again," You shouldn’t be telling anyone anything about my interest. I never asked for your help, I never wanted your help. I've been asked out all day and you know damn well I don’t want that kind of attention."

He stands," What do you mean you don’t want that attention? You need that kind of attention. It isn't healthy to sit alone all day every day in your apartment. I want you to be happy, and I think this will do that. Excuse me for trying to be a good friend." I glare up at him, he glares back.

"If this is your idea of being a good friend then I rather you weren't," I sneer.

"What are you saying," he crosses his arms.

"I don’t want to be your friend. Friends I want around are ones who respect my privacy, not someone who makes people treat me like a thanksgiving meal. If I don’t want a relationship that is my fucking choice, Silas. Don’t talk to me or talk to anyone else about me. We are done," I push away from his desk. Moving it a little in the process. Then before he can say a word I stomp out his office. Running the conversation through my head till I'm gritting my teeth.

Who does he think he is telling people to proposition me. Does everyone in the office know I'm a virgin now? Everyone is going to look at me like a challenge. See who can get into my pants first. Fucking pigs. Silas the piece of shit.

The entire day is ruined until I get home. I put on some PJs and watch my favorite show. I don’t need Silas, the asshole. If I wanted help I would have asked him.

The rest of the week I avoid Silas. Which is harder than I thought. He seems to be everywhere I go. I head to the copying room, he is in there. I walk down for lunch, he is there. I go to a coworkers desk and he is talking with them. I can't tell if he is doing it on purpose or it’s a coincidence. Hardly matters, ill just sit in my office like a hermit.

Friday, just before quitting time I get a visitor. There is a knock on my door. I look up and my polite smile drops.

I look back down at my work," get out."

"I was going to ask if you are done throwing your tantrum but I see you aren't," Silas says walking in the room. I try my hardest not to look up. If I have to act like a child for him to leave then I will. I hear a chair squeak against the tile floor. I accidentally glanced up at him. He is sitting with his arms folded over his broad chest. He is staring straight at me, waiting for me to answer. I won't.

"Come on, do you want me to apologize? I don’t know what I did wrong but ill say sorry anyway. I'll be the bigger person here, I'm sorry Chloe. Is that better," he asks. I barely notice my grip tightening on the pen till my paper rips. The pen digging too hard into the page.

"You honestly don’t know what you did wrong," I grit my teeth," you selfish dick head." I glare up at him. He doesn’t seem phased. Knowing him he probably never been in a fight with a woman. Use to them falling at his feet because of his sexual prowess. Ain't going to work here.

"I tried to do something nice for you and you ignore me like a child. So excuse me for being a little confused," he snaps.

"Are you fucking kidding me right now? You have everyone in the office looking at me like I'm some kind of challenge. I get asked every day by people to go out with them to bars. Knowing they are only hoping to get in my pants. Trying to get me wasted enough to sleep with them so they can come here and brag they got me first. I never asked for your help. If I wanted to get laid I would have done it by now," I cross my arms. Glaring over at him, daring him to downplay my feelings on this.

"If you could have gotten laid then why haven't you done it. I've been trying to wrap my brain around this all week. You are an attractive young woman and you have never gone out to get someone. I know you are interested in it, you listen to my stories with such open wonder. I thought for the longest time you have, you hold your own in a conversation about it so well. Why are you a virgin," he asks. I don’t need to answer him. I don’t have to justify my choices. Yet, I feel like I do.

"Because I never found the one. I don’t trust anyone enough to not hurt me after. Most of the guys I might have had sex with I knew they would either leave before I woke the next day or brag about it to friends. I was always the pretty one, nothing more. Hell I know I got my job because I was attractive. I don’t want a one night stand or a simple night of pleasure. I want a relationship, I want to trust them not to leave me once they had their fill. I'm not just a body to be used, I'm a person," I finally answer. It's true, I haven't trusted anyone. Everyone makes sex into a simple thing. Just shared pleasure that doesn’t have to mean anything. But to me it does, I want the connection. To please someone while they want to please me.

He sits there for a second. Eyeing me as he thinks.

"What makes you think that those people aren't in it for a serious thing? Who has made you believe that people are just there to use you," he asks calmer.

"Because you talk about doing that every day," I scowl," answer me honestly. Have you ever stayed the night at one of your partner's home? Made them breakfast the next morning as thanks for the night before." he tries to glare at me but I know the truth. I may not trust people to fuck me but he doesn’t trust people to want him after. I've known Silas for almost a year and this is a fact I gathered early on. No one wants a relationship with an Incubus. They are known for being unfaithful so why risk it?

"No," he drops his head, " I'm sorry Chloe." this is more sincere. I wasn’t ready for that. I know our relationship isn't much. We are friends because of the circumstances. If we didn’t work together then we would have never even spoken to each other. I never expected him to actually apologize.

"thank you," I mumble. He lifts his head and looks at me through his lashes.

"Are we still friends," he asks. It comes out soft, to my surprise. I think about it. I don’t think I can trust him after this. The little faith I had in him was gone once he told everyone I needed to be fucked.

"No," I answer. I find I can't look him in the eye when I said it. I do notice his shoulders dropping.

Without another word he stands, nods, then leaves. After that, I don’t see him as much.

The weekend comes and goes. I get to see my cousins and forget about the situation for a while. The week goes smoothly. I don’t see Silas at all that week. Come to hear it, most people haven't seen him. He comes into work and doesn’t socialize like he used to. I want to feel responsible for that but I know it isn't me. We weren't that close. He is a social butterfly, talks to everyone. I was just the only one who didn’t actively flirt with him. I listened to what he had to say, I was polite.

After about two weeks I forget about him. I don’t worry about his whereabouts or comings and goings. Some coworkers still try to get me to date them but more are asking me about Silas. I don’t care.

Its Saturday and I'm sitting on my couch. I flip through Netflix for anything new to watch. Shoving handfuls of chips into my mouth. The oil getting on the remote as well as my pants.

There is a knock at the door. I jump at the harsh noise of a fist against wood. It echoes through my apartment. I stare at the entrance, waiting for the sound of footsteps down the brick stairs. Instead, I get another knock and a voice.

"Chloe, I need to talk to you," the voice is muffled. It’s a man for sure, but unless I get up and check I don’t know who it is. I place my bowl on the table then walk over to the door. Knowing the dangers of opening up to anyone I grab the bat near my fridge. I step over and peak through the eyehole. I see a fisheye view of Silas. His hair is sticking to his forehead and his clothes look wet.

"Chloe, please," he drops his head to the door. Part of me wants to open it just so he can trip forward. But another part wants him to leave now.

"Go away," I yell. Still looking through the hole I see his head pop up. He looks directly at the peephole now.

"Chloe, please. Just five minutes, that’s all I ask," he holds out his hands. I can see he is dripping wet.

"Why should I," I yell back.

"Because I want to apologize. I've had time to think and I really need to talk with you," he is practically begging. I have never heard him beg. Even in his stories, he is never the one to be a sub, to beg for anything. He is probably used to people throwing themselves at his feet just to get a taste of him.

I try to fight my goodwill. I shouldn’t let him in. but it's raining out and he is standing here soaking wet just to talk to me. Yet I don’t owe him anything, just let him get sick. Still, I'm curious.

With a sigh, I grabbed the doorknob. Pulling it open with a reluctant grimace. This better not be a mistake.

I look up at a soaked Silas. His white button-up is taunt to his torso. I can see his undershirt easily now. His black slacks are dripping over his shoes and onto the doormat. He looks tired. Black rings under his eyes along with his cheeks being hollow. He doesn’t look healthy.

"You look like shit," I deadpan. I didn’t want to be the first one to talk but I couldn’t resist the jab.

He chuckles," yea, I've noticed. Can I come in?" I look him over again. He isn't coming in here dripping all over the place.

"You are soaked, ill grab a towel," I turn and walk to the linen closet. I grab a towel and walk back over. I nearly trip when I see him taking off his shirt. Kicking his shoes off beside the mat. He balls up his shirt then reaches back and grabs the undershirt. I get to see his flat stomach, then his toned pecs. Silas isn't buff by any standards. He has definition but not great mass. He doesn’t have abs but his stomach is flat and toned. His chest is broad but it isn't strong. Only his arms hold any girth. His biceps and shoulders being the only things with muscle.

He looks up at me," Sorry. Thought it would be easier if I had less to dry." I come back to myself.

"It's alright, here," I walk over and hand him the towel. Not looking at him anymore. I turn away from him and go to my couch. Sitting on the farthest end. I watch as he dries himself before stepping in. he wraps the towel around his waist then removes his pants from underneath. I look away as he does.

"You can look, I'm not showing anything," he laughs. I still don’t look. It's hard to be mad at someone when they are half-naked in your living room. Cant give a proper glare if I'm blushing. He is the first man I've seen to this level of disrobe.

"What do you want," I decide to get to the point. I don’t want him here longer than he has to be. After a second of him not answering I look over at him. He is staring down at the ground, his hair blocking his eyes.

"I miss you," he starts. I look at him confused and skeptical. I don’t trust him. He looks over when I don’t answer, " I wanted to respect your choice of not wanting to see me but…" he sighs.

He takes a moment to collect himself," I've been a mess without you. I couldn’t understand why either. I know I liked talking with you but this feeling is a lot. I think about you constantly, I catch myself walking to your office often. It hasn’t been just my thoughts you are ruining too." he looks up at me, in the light, his face looks terrible. The low light makes his face look almost skeletal. I can see the shadow of his ribs under his pecs. Has he not been eating? Then it clicks, he hasn’t been feeding.

"What did you do," I find myself asking," are you feeding?"

He shakes his head," I haven't since we stopped talking. I can't bring myself to go out. For the first week, I was confused. I forced myself out the second week but I did something I haven't done ever. I said no to someone. I didn’t want to fuck them, the idea of it was sickening at the time. I had to ask my brother what was happening. Maybe I was sick and needed some help. My brother told me differently." I watch him, worried about him but not wanting to show it. I've known the guy for a year, we got a little close. The time I've known him I never heard him having this issue. He has never not fed. He is a man whore to the max! this is so out of character.

"What did he tell you," I ask. He opens his mouth to answer but shuts it. He tries again but nothing comes out. He drops his head to his shoulder, wincing. Running his fingers through his wet hair and adjusting his towel too much.

"Why is it so hard to tell you," he groans," I just want you to know that I'm honestly sorry about telling everyone. At the time I thought I was helping but it isn't till later that I realized you never wanted my help. Also that it isn't the help I wanted to give you. I want you to be happy, truly I do. In my dumb cum brain way of thinking I thought that my way of helping would be what makes you happy. I'm sorry. I still want to help but now it's more complicated. If not selfish now."

I sit up," what do you mean?" I'm worried. If his way of helping before was to make me a living target for people at work, I hate to see what it is now.

"I have to tell you something, and I need you to work with me on this. I don’t know if I can say it if I'm being honest," he runs his fingers through his hair again," you know I care about you. We have been friends for a while. I cherish our conversation, you were the only one who listened. Not even the sex stuff but everything. Like when I told you about my insecurities, I knew I could trust you with them. I know you are someone I can trust, and I want you to trust me." he walks over to the couch. Flopping on the other end. He leans over and looks me in the eyes. The action sends a tingle down my spine. His eyes are searching, I can feel him searching.

"What are you doing," I lean hard against the arm of the couch. He scoots a little closer. Still looking at me, in me. It feels invasive. After a second he smiles.

"You know one of my powers is emotions. On the account I feed off them it should seem self-explanatory. Either way, I can see a person's feelings. Strong ones radiate from someone like a beacon, do you know what I see when I look at you," he cocks a brow. I shake my head," I see loneliness. When we first met it was like being slapped. You were pouring with it. So I was drawn to you, wanting to fix that in some way. My intention was pure, I wanted to see you smile. Make your day less alone. When you stormed into my office I could feel the rage boiling off you. It was suffocating. But now, now I can see fear, worry, and affection. Fear for what I'm saying, worry for me, and affection for me. So, Chloe, I will tell you what I came here for." he scoots close enough for our legs to touch. He grabs my hands away from my chest, resting them in my lap. Then he just stares at me, a smile gracing his lips.

"What," I mumble, "What did you come to say?"

"That I'm in love with you," he finally answers. His words are like a jolt down my spine. It's of both joy and rage. I rip my hands from his hold. He frowns.

"Fuck you," I hop over the arm of the couch. Putting as much distance between us as I can. He watches me as I pace the room. He looks sad but I couldn’t give a damn at the moment.

"You don’t get to fucking say that," I snap at him," you don’t get to be an asshole then decide you did it out of affection. That isn't how this works, Silas." he jumps from the couch. Walking over to me but I hold my arm out to stop him.

"Please, Chloe," he tries to talk.

"No, don’t 'please Chloe' me. This isn't fair, this isn't ok! You don’t get to ruin my work-life then march in here two weeks later saying you love me. You lying piece of shit," I point at him. As he hears my last words he sneers. Grabbing my hand he pulls me close. I fight in his hold, not giving him the satisfaction.

"Chloe," he shouts, "Stop." he wraps his arms around me, pinning my arms to my sides. We glare at each other, "I may have been less than savory but I will never lie about my feelings to you. You can kick me, punch me, spit on me, but know that I tell the truth. I care about you, I want you, I love you. Do you understand me?"

"I don’t believe you," I squint up at him. I fight in his hold again, he lets me go with a sigh. I back up far enough away that I feel he cant grab me. He still looks dejected. His fist clenching at his sides for a second before he wipes them on the towel.

"Chloe," he looks up between his lashes, " after I last saw you I was sad. I missed our conversations. I talk to everyone at work but you are the one I looked forward to seeing. I always knew I had feelings for you. I never pushed anything cause I didn’t want to lose you because of who I am. See, no one wants to be friends with an incubus, think we are a bunch of silver-tongued sluts. My last close friend stopped talking to me when he got a girlfriend. He thought I would steal his girl away, how ridiculous.

"But after that day I starved. I couldn’t bring myself to feed off anyone. The idea of touching someone was disgusting. I thought I was sick. Not once did I think it could be any other reason. So I called my brother after the first week. I was- I am- in pain. I'm starving like you wouldn’t understand. When I called him and told him he asked if I was in love with anyone. I laughed at him, of course not. Then he asked again, then before I could actually think on it your name popped up. Suddenly it all made sense. My brother said that I'm bonded to you now. I didn’t know what that meant, sounded a little cliché. It seems that I have made a connection with you, I cannot bring myself to feed on anyone else. I won't even if I had a choice because all I want is you. All I need is you. All I can think about is you." I try to glare at him. I really try to be mad but I look at his body. He looks so weak, so malnourished that it hurts me.

"bonded," I ask," what does that mean for me?" I still don’t trust his words. I know how convincing he can be. Yet I know there is truth there. He would never starve himself for anyone.

He takes a step closer but stops when I take one back," nothing. Not unless we… it means nothing to you."

"Not unless we what," I ask. He looks at me, glancing between my eyes as he thinks. He doesn’t answer me, instead, he turns to the couch and sits. His leg spread and his hands on his face. He sighs. I take a step closer," Silas." he sighs again. Dropping his hands to his lap he looks me over.

"Can you do that again," he mumbles.

"Do what," I ask wearily. He runs his hands over his thighs.

"Can you say my name, its intoxicating to hear my name come from your lips," he grips the towel.

I fold my arms," just answer the question." he rolls his eyes before dropping his head back to the couch.

"It doesn’t matter, just give me a second and ill leave," he grumbles.

"No, I let you inside so you can answer my question," I snap. He lifts his head a bit to look at me. Giving me a once over before dropping against the couch again.

"I will answer if you answer one question of mine," he offers.

"No, I don’t owe you anything," I sneer.

"Humor me," he tilts his head," Please."

I glare at him for a second but give in," fine."

Silas watches me for a moment," Do you like me? Before all this. Before I fucked up royally. Did you even for a second think of me as an option?"

I ponder lying for a second. Of course, I've thought of him. He is literally sex personified. Even besides that he was funny, I liked talking with him. I knew there wouldn’t be a chance, he was too interested in partying and sleeping around. It wasn’t my taste. I rather not date a man whore. But he made a good friend, I got along with him well enough.

"For a second. But I had no interest in dating someone who has a body count in the triple digits," I jab. He doesn’t acknowledge that part. He looks hopeful for a moment.

"Was it because I was an incubus or because I was me," he sits up.

"Nope, I answered your one question, now answer mine," I chide.

He ignores me," Did you like me or what I could do? When you had that thought did you think because of the pleasure I could give you or because you enjoyed me?"

I balance on my other foot, looking away from him," Not unless what, Silas?"

He stands," Chloe, did you like me. Answer the question." I try to speak but he talks over me," Chloe, how did you want me?" I try again but he interrupts," Chloe!"

"Fine, I liked you! You were funny and silly. You liked stupid memes and hate tomatoes in your salad even though you always buy them with tomatoes. You stop talking anytime you saw a cute dog, it was adorable, and you actually listen to teen pop music. I couldn’t have cared less that you are an incubus, that didn’t matter. I liked you and all your silly quirks," I snap. He stares at me shocked. I turn away, I cant look at him.

"Chloe," he whispers. He sounds closer. I still don’t look. "Chloe," he mumbles near my ear. I feel his hand grab my arm. Unfolding them and bringing them around his waist. I let him, not having the fight anymore. I hold him lazily while he wraps his arms around my back. Pressing my head to his chest.

"You hurt me," I mumble against him," I trusted you not to tell everyone. It wasn’t really a secret but I didn’t want everyone only talking to me because of that."

He pets my back," I know. I'm sorry. I will do anything to make it up to you. It was a terrible thing to do and I will do whatever I can for you to trust me again. All I ask is you give me a chance." I can't answer but I nod against him. I feel his chest deflate as he sighs in relief. Holding me just a little tighter, kissing my hair.

We stand there in silence for a moment. I hear his heartbeat slowly against my ear. It sounds weak. I can feel his spine along my fingers. He really is starving.

"Silas," he sighs again," you need to eat." he nods against my head.

"I can't," he whimpers," the thought of eating from anyone but you make me sick." I lean back in his hold, looking at his gaunt face.

"Is there another way for you to feed," I ask," I know you can get like snacks from other emotions."

He presses my head back against his chest," Don’t worry about me, alright. Just let me hold you and that will be enough." I don’t push it.

"Then, can you tell me about being bonded?"

He stops breathing, "Do I have to?"

"Yes," I answer. He huffs.

"If we ever make love then I cannot feed from anyone else. You wouldn’t grow weak from me, and you could read me like I read others. It’s a very deep thing, it cant be broken after that," he finally explains. I gasp into his chest.

"Read you," I ask. I run my fingers over his spine. I can feel the hairs rise and his body shiver.

"Right now you are sad, and emotionally drained. I can read that from you," he explains," you would be able to do that with me." I nod. There isn't much I can say to that. He is right, I'm so drained. I want to be mad at him but seeing him as this hurts. Seeing him so weak and starving. I don’t want to believe he cant feed from others. That the idea of being with anyone else makes him sick but the evidence is there. I'm tired of thinking, I know this feels right.

I lean back and look up at him. He stares right back. I reach up and grab his jaw with one hand. Pulling him down to me. He doesn’t resist, probably too scared to. I stop him when our noses touch. His eyes are beginning to close and his lips are slightly parted.

"You will never do what you did again, do you understand me," he nods," if you hurt me even a little we are done. I never want to see you again or hear from you. Is that clear?" he nods again. I guess that finishes it. I lean in and take his lips for mine. When we meet it feels like fire. Like my body slowly began to engulf in flames. Starting at my lips then working over my body. Silas groans into my mouth, pulling me closer. My legs sit between his, his knee hitting my thigh. His crotch sits flush against my stomach. I can feel his cock from under the towel. I wouldn’t say he is hard but he is getting there.

I reach up and cup both sides of his face. Pulling him just a bit closer as he sucks on my bottom lip. Nibbling and licking as his hands pet along my back. He is a great kisser, I find myself thinking. I meet his tongue with my own, I feel his chest rumble against mine. I lure his tongue into my mouth where I suck on it. Feeling a familiar tingle in my stomach as I do.

Without warning, he pulls from me. Spit hanging between us that he catches with his tongue. He stands straighter, still petting my back. His eyes are black like I've never seen before. His mouth is parted showing off his teeth, his fangs.

"Chloe, you are more potent than anyone I have ever tasted," he growls as he drops his head to my neck," But I cannot bring myself to take from you anymore right now. I still need to earn your trust." he kisses my neck with a few lazy pecks before licking me. He growls, his teeth pressing against my throat. I don’t notice my heavy breathing, but I do notice his.

"Silas," I sigh. I'm not sure what I was going to say but knew I should talk. He groans, bucking his hips against me after he hears his name.

"Do it again," he licks my neck.

"Silas," I peck his cheek. He bites my neck, it feels like electricity coming from his teeth.

"You are too divine," he whispers against my skin. He quickly leans back, tilting his head to his shoulders. He looks a little dazed, his cheeks are less taunt but he still has bags under his eyes. Licking his lips he gropes my hips. "I'm sorry love, I seem to be a bit drunk off you already," he laughs," I may need to sit down." he lets go of me and nearly falls as he turns to the couch. I grab his arm and help him to the seat.

He falls against the loveseat, making it hit against the wall. His head drops against the cushion, his hands spread wide on the sofa. Silas lazily drops his head to the side, looking up at me. He pats the seat next to him.

"We aren't doing anything else but please sit. I need to touch you," he slurs. I can't help but chuckle at his drunk state. I take the seat beside him. He quickly grabs me and pulls me close. Our sides flush, he rests his hand on my thigh.

"Little drunk? Does this happen often," I ask with a smirk.

He eyes me with a weak grin," not at all. Not since I was young. I have built a tolerance but yours is very strong. Like the hardest of liquors but I rather compare you to a glass of fine wine." I find myself rolling my eyes at him. The flirt.

We sit in silence for a while. Just enjoying each other's company for the time being. I get a moment to think about him, about what he said. It's strange to figure that he of all people could be in love. Let alone in love with me. I try to doubt it but I can't bring myself to. He seemed so distraught when I called him a liar. Like I hit him or something. It's hard to think he could ever be interested in me, actually enjoy our conversations. He talked with everyone at work, the social butterfly compared to me. He was just a friendly guy, it kind of came with the territory.

"I should be getting out of your hair now," he mumbles. I look up and see he is falling asleep. His head tilted back and eyes closed. He doesn’t make an attempt to move just yet.

"Sleep on the couch, you can leave in the morning," I sit up. I stretch my arms above me, groaning with the exertion. I jump when his fingers glide along my side. He chuckles. I glance over and his eyes are just barely open, a soft grin on his face. He drops the grin and pets along my hip.

"I can't believe I never saw it before this," he stares," it was always there."

"What was always there," I ask as I sit back on the sofa. He adjusts his hand so it's wrapped around my middle. He leans on his side so we are face to face.

"You are so beautiful. Funny, charming, smart, kind, and best of all, you like me," he grins. I find myself grinning along with him." but it has always been there. I've liked you for a while but I knew you wouldn’t go out with someone like me. Hell, I couldn’t promise you that id actually stick around too long. But recently, even before my dumb move, I think I've always loved you. It's easy to see it now. Looking at you makes my heart feel at home. I can say for certain that I will never leave you. Unless you tell me, ill be right by your side." I look at his eyes for lies. Any indicator that he wasn’t being honest. I found nothing, just genuine care. This is what I've wanted for a while. Just open tenderness with another person. I think I can forgive him for being an idiot.

"kiss me," I look down at his lips.

He leans back a little," don’t be asking for things you don’t understand now. I'm just coming down from being drunk if we kiss I can't stop this time."

"Good, I don’t want you to," I smile up at him.

He sits up," no, I got to take you out on a date. Actually, try to woo you. I owe you that much, if not more." I crawl over and straddle his lap. He instinctually reaches up to hold me but thinks better of it at the last second. His hand hovering over my thighs. I run my hand up to his bare chest, feeling his warmth. I look up at his conflicted face. He looks down at me but then looks away.

"Take you out to a nice restaurant, shower you with compliments and bring you flowers. Then-oh," he groans as I kiss his chest. I'm not really sure what I'm doing, having never gotten this far before. But touching him feels right. I brush my arms over his sides, noticing his ribs aren't as prominent. I kiss down his sternum then over to his nipple. I lick over it, smiling when he gasps. Before I could continue he grabs my hair and pulls me back. His eyes are black again and he looks dazed.

"Dinner, Movie, Flowers, gifts. I will do those things you understand," he growls. I nod," Good." in a second his lips are on mine. His grip on my hair is used to tilt my head. Diving his tongue into my mouth quickly. Licking along my teeth and tongue. I feel him under his towel, poking between my legs. I want to grind on him but I think better of it.

Just as quick as he kissed me he pulls away. Hissing with his eyes clenched.

"Chloe, I'm not that strong. I've never had to use control before. I'm certain I will not be having sex with you tonight, I cant. Even if you have forgiven me I still owe you something better for your first time," he opens his black eyes," I will treat you to a lovely night out. Then I'm going to take you to my place where I will worship you. But till then I beg you to have pity on my control." I'm a bit shocked at what he said. He will take me to his place? From all the stories he has told I've never once heard him taking someone back to his place. It's almost a rule for him to not take anyone to his home.

"To your place," I asked still shocked.

He grins," of course. Be hard to leave the next morning if I'm at my house," he tries to joke.

"You have never taken someone to your house," I clarify.

"Well you aren't just anyone, are you," he cocks a brow," you are way more important than anyone before." I reach forward and kiss him again. He startles for a second before getting into it. I pull back after a short moment.

"Dinner next weekend," I ask.

"I'll pick you up around seven," he grins.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Scarping the bottom of the barrel for past stories because I am in a rut right now in writing. I have this cute orc story but fuck, I cant write! so here is a work in progress I edited so I don’t have to write an actual ending.

Also this character is totally me, like I was not subtle at all. I reread this like a month after I wrote it and I'm like ‘oh this is me, that's rude’.

also, also. If you aren’t interested in sex, there is nothing wrong with you. sometimes you don’t find it appealing and that’s ok, don't let anyone make you feel bad for that.

Check out my Archive| Masterlist| Main Blog

#incubus #monster lover #monster boyfriend #Enigma-IM #fluff #comfort #exophilia #starving #Silas

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cosmic-affinities · 4 years

Text

BKDK DM fic/Twt thread

BKDK Soulmate Mind Reading Word Count:1322

AU Summary: Everyone has a soulmate, at 16 you gain the ability to hear/read their thoughts, the only way to stop the mind reading for good is to kiss your soulmate (If the pair has previously kissed they have to kiss again after they come of age)

This is a Ficlet/DM fic/ twitter thread thing SO that just means it is not structured the same way as something I would post on AO3. The format is much more loose and is more so me detailing a plot from start to finish rather than an actual fic. I write these in a chat so the spaces are message breaks, after I hit send on a message. I hope you give it a chance! I have another one of these posted on my twitter (this one is over there too!) which you can visit here

A BIG BIG thanks to @we-stanjirou for encouraging my bkdk rants that eventually become these fics and for getting me to finally post them!

The mind-reading starts at 16 and it happens on your birthday (so there are a couple of months where Bakugou can hear Deku’s thoughts before it’s mutual)

You have to focus on it for it to work, it’s not just someone else in your head all the time (unless you are unfocused and kinda just listening)

They become roommates because they were training in Bakugou’s room and busted up two walls and, instead of giving Bakugou a new room, Aizawa moves them both to an extra room on the fourth floor slightly bigger than the rest of them because they would have to share

They were stressed about it cause they were both crushing hard while also having their soulmates voice in their head

They both tended to try and keep the voice away unless they were alone but now that they were sharing a room it was a bit more difficult, they each caught themselves listening to the voice before bed or in the shower, etc

When Bakugou focused on it a majority of the talking was vaguely about people or it was detailed work

He figured out that his soulmate went to Yueii because they were thinking about principal nezu one day

He really tried hard to not pay any attention to the voice but he couldn’t help wanting to know

Deku on the other hand was really curious about who is soulmate could be but he never got any hints about it, he guessed he was never listening at the right time

When they became roommates they found themselves thinking about their soulmate more and more often, leading to them accidentally reading their souls mates thoughts just because when they began to think a little too much about their roommate they redirect themselves to a more abstract concept

Bakugou heard a curious thought one night ‘I wonder who /he/ thinks about at night.’ before he could even process the question his mind supplied ‘Deku obviously’ and he could only hope his soulmate wasn’t listening to that (sadly he wasn’t)

The next time something big happened it was in class, Aizawa had given them some free time and the class ended up having a big conversation

Bakugou had been commenting vaguely but mostly keeping to himself

Deku had been lost in thought

At one point Bakugou sent a light push at Kirishima for something stupid he said when he heard the voice say

“I wonder if /his/ soulmate is Kirishima”

(they can tell when the voice is about them, special soulmate bond)

His immediate reaction is to scoff and he whispers a quite “tch shitty hair is not my soulmate”

Deku looks over and says “did you say something Kacchan?” and Bakugous focus on his soulmate voice drops

He quickly patches things up saying “tch no I didn’t fucking say anything” although he was a bit unconvincing

Deku let it go and Bakugou let out a breath hoping no one else caught his response

The implications of his soulmate 1-knowing who Kirishima is and 2-wondering about their ‘relationship’ right after they interacted didn’t hit him until a few minutes later

His eyes widened and he looked around him knowing that one of these shit heads had to be his soulmate and he, unusually, had a preference

He glanced at Deku and wondered if he was reading his thoughts

He decided to try something, he wanted to try and push his way into his soulmates head, whoever reacted would be his soulmate, it was better than not knowing

Bakugou turned away and focused and repeated in his head “are you listening”

Once he stopped he focused on the voice which responded with a repeating “I’m listening”

He smiled and began repeating “I’m in class A and I’m pretty sure you are too”

After he replied he took a look around, no one seemed to be acting weird

Deku was trying very hard to not make it obvious that he was freaking out a little

There was only one person in class A that he would want as his soulmate but that was unfair to both of them (Kacchan and his soulmate)

Bakugou took the chance to focus on the voice again and heard “you’re right I am”

Bakugou decided to kick it up a notch, the voice seemed panicked and he figured whoever it was, was on the verge of reacting

So he decided on “by the way shitty hair isn’t my soulmate, he and pinky can hear each other even if they don’t know it”

After a moment, one he assumed his soulmate took to focus on his thoughts, there was a crash

Behind him Deku had dropped his textbook into his desk, surprised to hear Kirishima and Mina be called by nicknames only Kacchan calls them, in his head

In order to try and keep his cool he let out a quick “sorry lost my grip!”

Everyone but Bakugou believed him fully and continued with their conversations

Bakugou decided to push even harder and say “it’s you isn’t it, I’m right”

Deku just barely held back a squeak and then announced he was going to use the restroom

Bakugou knew this was his chance and left a few minutes later

He figured Deku might be overwhelmed so he stopped pushing thoughts and decided to actually talk to the damn nerd

He hoped he would find him fairly easily and he was right, Deku had only turned a corner and then stood against the wall

Bakugou walked up slowly and cleared his throat while he was still far away enough so he wouldn’t startle Deku

Once Deku looked up at him his eyes widened and he let out a “Kacchan!” and then Deku took a deep breath and said “Did you have to do that in the middle of class?!” and Bakugou smiled, of course, his nerd was just worried about all of the extras in the room

“I saw my chance and took it, you were the one thinking that shitty hair was my soulmate”

At the word soulmate, the reality of the situation hit them both and Deku wondered out loud “I wonder if Aizawa knew when he put us in the same room” (he did)

Bakugou shook his head slightly and said “you’re gonna have to keep saying our thoughts out loud, I don’t plan on being able to hear them after today”

Deku was confused for a second until he remembered the way to stop being able to read your soulmates thoughts and blushed darkly

“Really now? you really want me to say them all out loud?” Deku shot back with a raised eyebrow (the effect was slightly dulled but the bright blush)

Bakugou laughed quietly and took the comment as an ok (it was more like an enthusiastic yes but that’s beside the point)

He slowly closed the distance between them and landed a solid peck on Deku’s lips

Bakugou had begun to pull back, not wanting to overwhelm Deku once again but he was chased backward

They eventually made their way back to class staggering their entrances by a few minutes

Once Bakugou walked in Aizawa said “Bakugou, Midoriya come here for a moment”

They made their way to the front and Aizawa squinted his eyes at each of them

“Midoriya was everything resolved?”

“Yes sir!”

“Good maybe now you two won’t be so distracted in the middle of my lessons, go take you seats”

They both took their seats and then look at each other before bursting out with laughter

Everyone looked at them weird and questioned them, they both just said “nothing don’t worry about it”

For the rest of the class, they held hands around their desks facing the wall

No one was surprised to see their room had the beds pushed together and how much friendlier they became with each other leading up to the big reveal of their relationship

#Bakudeku #izuku midoriya #my hero academia #boku no hero academia #izukatsu #katsuki x izuku #katsudeku #Bakudeku fic #katsuki bakugo #bakugou x midoriya #twitter threads #twitter #bakudeku ficlet #bakudeku dm fic #bakudeku dm fic 2 #soulmates mind reading

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lilithsgayadoptednephew · 4 years

Text

Holy Hands

Fandoms: Shall We Date?: Obey Me! Not Rated Graphic Depictions Of Violence F/M, Other Complete Work

Chapter List

Chapter 26

How could MC possibly hide from him all day in such a small house? Lucifer searched every room including the basement, then he checked the town, finally he double-checked the house and still came up empty.

He would find them, he wanted his answers and he'd get them one way or another. That being said...he missed them. They always avoided him now unless they were reminding him to eat. He wanted to get back to how things were before they'd moved to earth. When they could banter and have fun in each other's presence.

What had changed?

As the night fell he retired to MCs room, defeated. The only way they could've evaded his search was if they'd sprouted wings and flown away. He could see them now standing on the roof to take off.

The roof…

MCs room was on the second story, but the garage roof was only one story tall. Which meant in theory…

Getting up from MCs bed he walked to their window and peered through the curtain.

Sure enough there MC sat on a convenient ledge of roof just under the window, face turned to the night sky. He felt victory well up in him as he opened the window to address them.

"Ah so I've finally found your hiding spot." Lucifer smirked in triumph as he stuck his head out the window. With a sigh they dropped their head.

"Good evening Lucifer," they didn't look at him as they spoke. "What have you eaten today?"

"Everything you've made me eat, you know I don't need you doing that. I'm fully capable of feeding myself."

"Have you drank water today?" They asked blandly. Lucifer cringed, water was something he wasn't fond of indulging in anymore.

"Yes… a little."

"Ok"

Then there was silence.

"Why can't you just tell me why you're avoiding me?" He pinched the bridge of his nose.

"Oh, is that what you wanted to know? I had no idea…"

"You will tell me."

"That right there"

"What?"

"That" MC twisted around to face Lucifer. "You haven't actually asked, you've just demanded an answer." They turned back around and looked at the sky again. "I don't owe you anything…" Even though their words were irritated, their tone was simple and wistful as they looked up at the starry sky.

"You don't seem to understand MC, you–"

"Stop talking from the window and get out here" they shook their head. Lucifer stopped and examined the small window. It was a tight squeeze but he managed to step out onto the roof. Standing beside MC he saw what they were staring at. The trees blocked a lot of the surrounding light pollution. The stars showed brilliant strips in the sky, even the Milky Way was visible. They were never this bright in the Devildom.

"Have you considered that you're just...too distracting?" MC interrupted his admiring the sky. He looked down at them but they didn't meet his eyes.

"What do you mean?"

"I have nine people in a house barely fit for two. And…" they shook their head.

"And what?"

"It doesn't matter, I'll figure it out. It's just taking a lot of work." Lucifer looked down and thought to himself. Thought about how much work MC was actually doing for all of them. Picking up extra shifts, making sure his brothers were comfortable, making sure Lucifer did basic things he should be able to do himself.

Maybe they had been a little justified in accusing him of slacking, from an outside perspective it did look like he'd given up. He looked down at them and thought, maybe looking down on them was the whole problem. He sat beside them, demon next to human, and he asked again with less force.

"What is it?" MC paused before answering.

"We're broke"

"What?"

"I'm completely out of money…" they buried their head in their arms folded on their knees. He was immediately in solution mode, no longer would he be slacking.

"That's alright, my brothers and I can work, we've done it before. It's the least we can do after all you've shared with us."

"Okay, but let's not think about it, not out here" they looked back up to the stars. The night air shuffled the inky branches of the surrounding trees, an ominous scene against the starry sky. "I don't think of real things out here."

Lucifer watched their face, a small smile on their lips. They looked tired, but peaceful.

"Why do all of our conversations have to be tense?" He didn't even know he was speaking until he'd asked. He had no proof they'd ever loved him, but he had a suspicion, and now they only ever tried to make him go away. They gave him a strange look but answered anyway.

"I tried to be on good terms with you, I just...you freaked me out when you yelled at me."

"Pardon?" Lucifer didn't remember yelling at MC.

"Before…" they waved their hand at the general situation. "This...you tried to take Acacia's phone away, remember?" He did remember, but that felt like a lifetime ago. Technically it was since he'd died.

"I was not in a good place." He admitted tightly, staring ahead of him.

"Yeah I know you were stressed and scared, but a lot of what you said... wasn't ok." Now Lucifer was confused.

"I understand I may have yelled when I shouldn't have, and I spoke in a rude manner, but I didn't say anything I didn't mean."

Wrong move. MC stood and looked down at him. "Then we have nothing to talk about." They started to leave, Lucifer wasn't going to stop them, if they were going to act like a child that was their problem. They stopped and stood for a moment. Then they lowered themself back down to sit beside him again.

"No, we do have something to talk about. Avoiding each other isn't helping this so we're gonna get to the bottom of it." With that they turned to him. "You meant what you said? For real?"

"Yes, I did mean it. It's my job to keep you safe as long as you're in the Devildom, well it was, and that means sometimes you just have to trust what I say."

There was a tense silence.

"That is not what you said"

"You call me a liar?"

"No I think your memory's shot from the stress you were under and the fact that you drowned recently." They placated.

"Fine" he conceded, "what do you think I said."

"I wrote it down." They deadpanned. Springing up from their seat they climbed into the house.

"You what?" He had not expected them to have recorded the event. He heard them dig around their room for a minute before returning to his side. They opened their journal and thumbed through it for a while, finally coming to the page they were looking for.

"Here," they pointed to a passage scrawled on the page. It was hard to see in the dim light but they read it aloud easily.

"'You must be confused MC, the only one who will be figuring this out is me. The rest of you are to stay out of trouble here in the house.'

'You are mine to keep and you will do as I say.'"

They gave the book to Lucifer so he could see better. They'd doodled some very disturbing and angry imagery that dangerously resembled his demon form. "Yeah then your horns and shit came out and you tried to back me into a corner."

Lucifer stared at the page. That's...not how he remembered it.

"I...said this? Looked like this?" He asked, even though he already knew the answer. It seemed like something he'd say unfortunately.

"Yeah, but you were really stressed." They shrugged.

"I didn't mean to sound so...possessive. I don't know how I was trying to sound honestly." He shook his head and gave the book back to MC.

"Wanna hear my guess?" They raised an eyebrow. His curiosity got the better of him.

"By all means."

"Well, and stop me if I'm wrong, but I think at least subconsciously you don't understand I'm...a person." They paused to gauge his reaction, his face remained carefully neutral. "You're a person, obviously. You have a unique thought process and outlook and values...but you're so far above a human like me, you never really grasp that I have that too. Just as much as you."

He couldn't help feeling a little patronized by their psychoanalysis, but he had agreed to it. They were on a roll now.

"I think you see me as more of a pet. Something too ignorant to know what's best for it, something you have to protect and order around so it doesn't get itself killed."

That one hit him a little too close. Had he really thought of them like that? He had to admit now that he was drawing comparisons, MC did hold a similar place in his mind as, say, Cerberus.

"Why?" He asked suddenly. MC was pulled out of their rant.

"What?"

"Why do I do that?" The question sounded rhetorical, but MC thought about it nonetheless.

"Maybe it's because you think so highly of yourself? I mean you're the Avatar of Pride and the definition of pride is to put yourself...above... God…" they trailed off, lightbulbs going off in their brain. "I bet that's it."

"What is?"

"God. God made angels to love him always, no matter what, you weren't given a choice."

"What does that–"

"Shut up and let me put this together" they waved him off. He wasn't comfortable with the subjects they were breaching, but they were on an interesting path. "God gave the humans the choice of whether or not to love him but he never gave the angels that choice. You see yourself above God and God didn't see your autonomy, so why should you see that in a human?"

He was actually really uncomfortable now, and it must've shown because he MC stopped their conspiracy there.

"Perhaps...my issues with my father went deeper than I realized." He said quietly.

"Oh no...I broke my own rule." They chuckled. He raised an eyebrow. "No thinking about real stuff on the roof." He was happy they were trying to lift the mood slightly. The roof really did feel like a place dark thoughts didn't belong.

"Ask me something stupid" he said. MC blinked at the unexpected request.

"Why?"

"Because I miss talking to you about meaningless things." He sighed. MC smiled, it was a simple enough reason.

"Ok lemme think" they were quiet for a moment. "Ok got it, so...nah that one's too stupid." They shook their head.

"No what is it?" He insisted.

"Heh ok well...is Satan like...your son?" They asked. Oh no, that was a weird one.

"That's complicated, you see he is made from my anger so in a way he's...how would a human say…a clone?"

"Really" they seemed genuinely interested.

"Yes" he was encouraged that they weren't unnerved by the subject. "Though I suppose in a way he's my... son" he admitted. "More than he's my brother."

"Then why do you call him a brother?" He didn't speak for a moment.

"I was far too young to be called... especially since I wasn't very fond of the man I knew who was called 'father'." He shrugged. The blush on his face gave away his embarrassment, but he didn't seem uncomfortable any more.

"Your turn." They said.

"To ask you a question?" He guessed, they nodded. He had a few silly questions he could ask, but he decided against it. They had made him very uncomfortable before and he couldn't just let that go without retaliation.

"Why did you stop loving me?" He decided to ask. He wasn't upset, but he was curious. He'd expected them to be thrown by the presumptuous question, but they took it in stride.

"I didn't." They shrugged

"Then what do you want from me?" He turned to them and fixed them with a stare.

"Nothing" now that he couldn't believe. How could they claim to love him but not want anything from him?

"You must be confused, surely you love something about me that you want. Is it protection? Status? Loyalty? I can offer you a lot if you just tell me what it is." His tone sounded light, but inside he was pleading. He'd had feelings for them for so long he was willing to give them anything their heart desired. And that was before they'd taken in his family, shared everything they had and resurrected him from the dead.

Didn't they know he owed them the world?

"'you must be confused'" they mimicked his tone. Did he really sound that condescending? "I don't want anything from you Lucifer. That's not how loving someone works."

He rolled his eyes in disbelief and they laughed a breathy laugh. As if having to explain it was silly to them. They thought for a moment on how to best put it into words.

"I love you...like I love the night sky" they decided. He looked up again at the beautiful night tapestry. "It's too far away to reach, but that's ok because I don't need to touch it. It's far too vast for me to understand, but I don't have to understand it to love it. It's there whether or not I show up to see it. And it's so beautiful no words could ever describe it." Their wistful eyes weren't on the sky as they spoke, but on Lucifer.

"It owes me nothing." They finished.

He was left speechless at the comparison. They had said no words were enough to describe the night sky but Lucifer had to disagree. What they'd just said was far more beautiful.

He was silent as he sat beside them, human next to human. He was silent for so long they must've thought the conversation was over. They stood slowly and bid him a quiet "night" before climbing back into their room. Lucifer just stared at where they'd disappeared from.

He thought he loved MC, but his idea of 'love' as a form of control was a far cry from the exalting definition they'd given him. To see someone just as they are, and to expect nothing. MC was a perplexing human indeed, their dignity and intelligence something he'd sought to own. Never taken the time to just see. As he thought of them he understood a little better that in the end they weren't his.

And they owed him nothing.

#obey me!#obey me fanfic #Holy Hands

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transbionic-shieldmaiden · 4 years

Text

a really long post about my stupid HRT adventure

cw medical stuff, tumors.

context: there was a post about getting on HRT that I read but I decided this was too personal to go in a reblog. donut rebagel, but feel free to reply.

ohhhh man, so like obviously i’m glad other people have had a better time than I when it comes to getting on hrt but i really gotta rant about the issues i had, because I had a hell of a time getting it DESPITE NOT ACTUALLY RUNNING INTO GATEKEEPING. so, story time:

this got long, so have a read more.

So I have executive dysfunction, which I cannot recommend. For me at least it comes in a package deal with a bunch of plasticbrains things I’m very much a fan of (stims! hyperfocus! being trans!), but I’d still very much like to not deal with it. And I also have social anxiety. Which overall is not a great combination of issues for dealing with the medical system.

Case in point: figuring out I’m trans was the catalyst for getting me to actually seek therapy (at MIT medical, which -- sidenote -- is free for students and I can’t recommend them highly enough), but what this actually meant was I took basically an entire semester to make the phone call to get an appointment, which was scheduled for a month after the call*. So far so great.

Anyway, as my therapy continued I kept coming in and complaining about dysphoria and being like “man i wish i could start hrt! but i won’t, because that involves talking to strangers :(” and eventually my therapist was like “so like. regular medical, which can prescribe hrt, is literally one floor below us. i can walk you down and schedule an appointment right now.”

and i was like “uhhhh wait i didn’t actually want my problem solved that means i have to talk to strangers!!!” but like obviously this was the social anxiety talking because i did actually want hrt. so my therapist walked me down to medical and i scheduled an appointment with the one Trans Doctor (tee-em) at MIT medical (like seriously this woman is as far as I can tell the PCP for like half of MIT’s trans population, we stan).

so the way this worked out is I needed three appointments: one intake appointment which was largely informational, one appointment with a physical checkup and a blood draw, and finally an appointment once the blood draw results came in. So I went in to the firs appointment, scheduled the second once it was done, and then MIT medical stole my blood.

And when that appointment was done I...didn’t schedule the third.

Cue several months passing due to executive dysfunction and social anxiety.

So I finally get myself together enough to schedule the last appointment, and I go in...and it turns out I have abnormally low testosterone. And I was all ready to be like “Oh no...isn’t that a shame...how terrible...” but the problem is, low testosterone in conjunction with my other blood metrics...was possibly a sign of a brain tumor.

That sounds worse than it actually is -- the brain tumor in question would’ve been benign, so it wouldn’t have been cancer. It does occasionally lead to blindness however, and low testosterone from said tumor would obviously not be very visible once I was taking spironolactone. So we needed to make sure I didn’t have a tumor before we could proceed with HRT. I was sent to take another blood test, optimized for the time of day when testosterone levels peak, and was therefore in the strange situation of being a trans woman hoping for high testosterone levels on a blood test.

Alas, it seems I was truly too trans for my own good, for it turns out the second test was even lower than the first.

This meant I had to go in for another blood test, and I had to get an MRI. And of course remember that every appointment I make here means 3-5 weeks depending on scheduling, all while I’m engaging in the standard MIT pastime of drowning in psets. Which is not fun when you’re depressed from dysphoria, let me tell you.

The MRI rolls around and it’s in this area of the Boston metro area Where The T Dares Not Go. There’s a bus stop near the clinic, but I have only been on an MBTA bus once and I really didn’t want to miss my appointment. So I hop in a lyft and soon it’s time for me to go in the Big Science Tube.

So here’s the thing about the Big Science Tube. It’s loud, it’s cramped, and in my case at least you get pumped with Contrast Juice which like goes in your brain or something? idk i’m not an MRI tech. I actually found it to be a not entirely unpleasant experience, because it sort of feels like you’re in a cryosleep chamber or something and I’m a huge nerd. But it’s also...massively disorienting. You can’t move, your vision is limited to the inside surface of a white cylinder, the whole thing is making Noise and vibrating, there’s the Contrast Juice sloshing in your brain...Oh, and at least in my case they let me listen to satellite radio while i was vibing in the science tube. Thing is, I don’t generally like radio music, since I tend to like individual songs more than genres, so I picked the jazz station. I figured this would ensure fairly enjoyable music the whole time, instead of a weird roller-coaster of songs I like, songs I hate, and songs I haven’t heard (the vast majority).

While I stand by this analysis in general, I do not recommend jazz as the soundtrack to the big science tube.

All this is to say that by the time I got out, I was extremely out of it and loopy. Oh, I also forgot to mention: I did not sleep well the night before. My sleep schedule is a mess at the best of times, and I was very nervous. So I am...completely off the shits by this point, not to mention extremely hungry and thirsty. They tell you to drink a lot to flush the Contrast Juice from your system, so that works out OK. In theory.

I get out, stand by the bus station for a bit, and conclude the bus isn’t coming. I walk across the street to a McDonalds, figuring I could really use some food and liquid. Which was correct.

...Except the bus came and went while I was in there, and looking at the schedule on my phone revealed I’d have to wait another half an hour for another.

This is where I make a terrible mistake. I look at my map, see that Harvard...isn’t too far from where I am, and Harvard has a T station! Perfect! So I, completely loopy from the MRI, still dehydrated because I haven’t gotten nearly enough liquids from McDonalds, decide to WALK TO HARVARD. It was a 30 minute walk, through unfamiliar territory, and I cannot stress this enough: I. Was. Off. The. Shits.

So I walk to Harvard using my phone’s GPS and whatever brain cells were not full of Contrast Juice, somehow managing to navigate through this random neighborhood and over the bridge without getting too lost or getting hit by a car. As I reach Harvard, I realize that this is a bad place for me to be in my current mental state: it’s bustling, full of standard college craziness; i think there was a guy in a chocolate bar costume which I could not process at the time. Oh, and I’ve never been to the Harvard T station so in my condition I struggle to find it. And when I do get there...well, here’s the thing about the Harvard T station: It’s huge. There’s several floors of underground bus terminals and an absolute warren of tunnels. Perfectly navigable, if you’re sober or know the area.

I am of course none of these things.

Still, somehow I find my way to the train, but that wasn’t even the end of my problems! Because, you see, my dorm is twenty minutes from the nearest T stop! So even once I get back to MIT I still have lots of walking to do. I don’t remember how I got back at that point; I think it involved a lot of drinking fountains.

Anyway, I guess this was supposed to be about me getting HRT? So it takes a while for the MRI results to get back, but it turns out I don’t have a tumor. However, in the meantime my parents have been pushing for me to freeze some sperm cells, so that I can have kids someday. Here’s the thing: I do not want kids. I do not expect to ever want kids. And if that changes, I’d be quite happy to adopt kids. But my parents are offering to pay for it, and the risk-averse part of my brain is like “oh...maybe i should do it...just in case???”

It takes me a month to actually call a fertility clinic. In the meantime, I am struggling in my classes; dysphoria is not conducive to educational success. It was not a good time to be me, let’s just put it that way. Finally, I make the call, and uhhhh it turns out sperm freezing is really expensive? And you have to go in for an intake appointment...then do some tests...and then...

So at this point I say, fuck it! And I get on HRT the next week. In total it took me like...a year to get on HRT, depending on how you count it? And all this without anyone actually gatekeeping me on being an Invalid Trans or whatever. But it’s all good, because now I’m far happier and more together than I ever thought I can be. The moral of this story is: HRT good, executive dysfunction bad, and don’t wander through Harvard while completely off the shits from MRI aftereffects.

*this is the one issue with MIT medical; their services are great but also in high demand. the system is a bit better once you actually get into it though.

#genderfeels #trainsbionic-shieldmaiden #plasticbrains #personal #donut rebagel #medical cw #tumors cw #the word of the shieldmaiden

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samporterbbridges · 5 years

Note

Ok, here’s a question/prompt for you, when do you think higgs fell in love with sam? And when did Sam fall for higgs?

Uhhhh okay so this is super long and I really need to stop doing this and just respond to asks normally. But yeah I’ve been thinking about this response all day, and I’m not even home yet to properly edit this so yeah this is what my brain threw up ((I’m so sorry Anon this probably doesn’t even make sense and it’s a little more than what you even asked for)):

It definitely takes a really long time till they actually fall in love tbh

I have another post from a while ago (I think it was another ask), talking about how Higgs has to basically redeem himself, and one way to start is that he’s helping Sam with deliveries, so they’re together a lot for a really long period of time.

It starts out pretty slowly for them to even get on good terms, Sam doesn’t even speak to him much in the beginning, but Higgs, of course, never stops talking. He’s still an asshole in the beginning, always trying to push Sams buttons, but Sam is patient, and he’s too smart to fall for those games anymore.

It’s probably Higgs who falls first. It wasn’t intentional, of course, he does think Sam is attractive, but that was all that was there at first, but then, then Sam is just...so decent, and kind, to him of all people. Higgs isn’t used to stuff like that from other people.

Sam, who absolutely hates touch, reaches out and grabs his arm to steady him as they’re walking down a pretty steep hill and Higgs looses his balance.

Sam, who has no obligation to him, constantly checks on how he’s doing. Need a drink? Want to stop for a bit?

Honestly it’s just because Sams not used to having a constant companion other than BB, so he’s not really used to having to make sure someone else is keeping on with him on missions. Sure, there’s escort missions, but those are different, this is an entirely separate person with his own amount of cargo.

Sam’s kind of irritated having Higgs there at first, and he’s not any bit comfortable being around him, he doesn’t sleep when taking rests between deliveries for a really long time in the beginning. He never lets Higgs out of his sight either. But god does he wish he’d shut up.

Though he will admit it’s not always so bad having someone else around, someone who can help him carry the weight of several packages for once. He doesn’t miss the days of carrying over 50kg on his back that’s for sure. And sometimes, only SOMETIMES, and don’t ever tell him he said this, Higgs can be funny. Sams not alone with just BB and his depression thoughts anymore.

God okay what was the question again? Oh yeah the moment they both fell. ((Can I ever just answer something without going into a long ass multi paragraph rant?))

So Higgs is the first to realize what’s going on, they’ve been working together for a pretty long time at this point, and it’s a bit of an understatement to say they’ve grown close during this time. They’re both fond of each other yes, but neither of them really figured out what they really feel until this moment.

They’ve got a very heavy and very important delivery from Capital knot, all the way to Port Knot. It’s a pretty long trip, and Sams getting tired, he won’t say anything but Higgs can see it. They’re in the mountains when some heavy time fall hits. BBs immediately getting scared, of course, because Sams getting stressed, he’s stressed, carrying over 30kg on his back, he’s tired, and now they’re surrounded by BTs in the mountains. They have a pretty close call, and it ends with them loosing a lot of cargo, because once it gets bad, and it gets bad, Sam fell over, and was having trouble getting away with all the cargo, Higgs just grabs Sam and hauls him out of there as fast as he can.

Sams pissed, asking him “why the hell did you do that?! We lost the cargo! What were you thinking?!”

Higgs then realizes it there.

He was terrified at the mere thought of Sam getting hurt. Something that’s absolutely silly to worry about given that Sam can’t even die, but still it’s something that upsets him to think about. Sam even yells at him for it “I’ve been through this before! I’ve dealt with BTs on my own, I’ve even fallen off of cliffs out here on my own before. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like I can’t come back. So dont bother worrying about it”

“I just....I couldn’t see you get hurt...”

“I just told you! I would’ve been fine I’m used to it. So why do you-“

“Because! I-“

Oh.

OH.

Not only does Higgs figure it out in that moment, but Sam also reads between the lines too.

Higgs loves him. It’s a lot to process. For both of them.

Higgs is having an entire crisis. He doesn’t even really understand what it means to love someone. This doesn’t feel like the love he’s ever known. He doesn’t want to hurt Sam. He never wants Sam to hurt ever again. But know it’s weird, and Sam hasn’t said anything, and now Higgs thoughts are racing. Why would sam ever feel anything like that for him?

Does Sam love him back though?

Sam thinks about this all night. He can’t even look at Higgs for the rest of the day. He feels bad, he’s not upset with him, but he’s just not sure what to say.

It’s been a really long time since he’s loved someone like THAT. Not since her.

He’s his friend, yeah. Of course he cares about him. And he feels horrible for getting mad at him, especially now that he knows what Higgs is feeling. He’s probably hurt him, just storming off to his private room without even looking back at Higgs. Shit he’s really fucked this up huh.

He’s not sure how he feels though. They’ve been through a lot together, but he’s never really thought about having romantic feelings about anybody.

He has to sleep on it.

And when he wakes up he full on panics.

Higgs isn’t there.

They let Sam know that he just took off and left early this morning.

“Figures. We always knew he’d leave eventually. It was pointless to think he really wanted to help.”

And it hurts Sam to even hear that. Would Higgs really just leave.

He feels such a heavy pressure in his chest, like his heart was dying inside of him.

It’s not even just the thought of Higgs betraying him and leaving, but even just the idea that he was gone for good, never to see him again. No more trips together, no more stupid comments from him, no more Higgs.

Oh god...is this what he was feeling yesterday? Is this why he saved him?

Sams trying not to cry. If he cries, BB will cry. He has to stay calm, figure out what to do next.

Maybe he does love him. Or maybe he’s just scared of loosing someone he’s grown so close to. So used to having him around. A constant in his life.

No, Higgs wouldn’t leave. He wouldn’t leave Sam.

Higgs didn’t leave.

He looked like he was just about to fall over, packages stacked on his back as he staggered into to building.

Sam just stands there staring at him, so many words bubbling within him, too many emotions ready to spill out all at once.

Higgs tries to keep up his confident mask, thinking of a witty remark to make as he smiles that oh so charming smile of his, but he’s still a little unsure of how Sam feels about him now, now that they both know. So there’s no point in pretending that he didn’t just hike back up the mountains to go and retrieve a whole bunch of cargo just for Sam. Because he loves Sam, and he doesn’t want Sam to be mad at him. He’s sure Sam already knows this.

“I uh...I got them all back.” He says as he’s putting some of the heavy boxes down, laughing a little awkwardly as he’s waiting for Sam to say something.

He’s not sure what he was expecting, but it’s definitely not Sam walking over to him, and putting a hand on his shoulder, something that’s probably a lot for him to do.

“I’m sorry for uh, yelling at you yesterday.”

Higgs wants to wrap his arms around him, he wants to be close, but he doesn’t. His face heats up and he’s almost pretty sure Sam can feel how fast his art is beating.

“It’s fine. Really. I’m uh...sorry for yesterday too. I didn’t uh, I mean I really shouldn’t have-“

“Are you trying to apologize for being in love with me?”

“Should I?”

“No. I don’t think I want you to ever apologize for that.”

“Are you sure? Cause once you accept this package there’s no returning me.”

“What”

‘Oh god I might actually be in love with this big idiot.....’

#this is so long #ive had a headache all day so im blaming it on this #im sorry ill get better at this with time #death stranding #sam #higgs #goldenbridges #probably sure ooc #idk how to write them yet #i havent even finished the game but this is basically an AU #really just want a redeemed!higgs #also i have a feeling non of my headcanons are consistent yet cause theyre developing every day so im sorry if this is obvious

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pkmnsdarkqueen · 4 years

Text

Drabble-So calls my heart to bad decisions. (Hoenn)

Based on this , cause I can’t get it out of my head and I think it’d be funny to give mini versions of the crack ideas I said. The keep reading thing is broken so I’mma have to keep it long sorry.

Hoenn: (using some interactions with @cleverest-admin and @psychic-master-will for this.)

“It still hurts.” “Really I wonder why that might be. It’s not like you just decided to put your hand on a glass tube filled with lava or anything.” “Shut up it’s not my fault I want to touch glowing things that look like the most incredible lava lamps I’ve ever seen!” “No of course it’s not! It’s called genetics, and you getting the stupid gene.”

Karen snapped tilting her head back slightly as she made her jab. Catching the glare from Will she smirked returning to messing with the wires. They had run around the Magma base for awhile now having their fun dropping paper on the lava tubes to see how long it’d take them to catch on fire, snooping through drawers, and at one point finding some old uniforms and trying them on. Karen still had on the hoodie for the girl’s uniform. What? It was a comfy hoodie.

“Oh my genetics are bad miss ‘I learned how to square dance cause I enjoy country music so much, and you also confused the wires again. You sure you aren’t colorblind?”

Will snot right back at her. Karen felt the wires in either of her hands start to be tugged away by an invisible force, and knew exactly who was causing that. Giving him a dramatic sigh she stood up arms crossed to let him finish what she started. In all honesty she was thankful for the help, but the tone of mushy emotions were to be left out of these adventures.

“Alright now you’re done showing off let’s check out where this one goes. We have yet to get to Maxie’s room, or any admin, and the offices are always the most fun.”

She chimed refitting the cover on the teleportation pad. A part of her really did hope it was an office of some kind. These were usually where secrets could be found, and where they would spend the most time cracking jokes about the place. Sure it might be a bit mean spirited, but they ripped into their own actions as well. It kept things fun.

“Ladies first as they say.” “What? Afraid you got the wires wrong and are going to end up a mangled mesh of person on the other end?” “First of all, that is gross. Secondly, I never doubt myself-” “Yes you never doubt yourself when it involves something stupid.” “You are just as guilty of that hypocrite, but fine I’ll go first if you’re so scared.” “Real original!”

Karen had to yell the last line since he was already stepping on the pad and off to who knows where. As per with the other pads the person to go first would tell the other the coast was clear, so she waited. Then waited a bit more. Ok so far they had heard from the other within a few seconds of zipping off. Why was this taking longer?

‘Will, hey whatcha seeing over there?’

The woman thought to herself hoping he was tuned into her head. I mean he ought to be if he was going through. Silence. Ok this was getting concerning. Without a second thought Karen stepped on the pad herself feeling her feet quickly lift, and then land again now in a completely different room. Except it wasn’t a smooth entrance seeing as how Will hadn’t fully cleared the next platform and she crashed into him the two having to catch each other.

“Will! The hell?! You went radio silent you know this isn’t the place to-”

In the middle of her lecture she let her eyes look over the room seeing nothing of note. More red walls, a desk, Tabitha, a bed, wait Tabitha. Her head went from scanning the room to looking at the admin who was currently also staring at them mid way between wrapping a mug in some bubble wrap. Ok she was caught up now.

“So Karen this is Tabitha, nice fellow, we’ve chatted a few times actually before I found out he was with team Magma, but we’re still friendly with each other right?” “Uh....sure, I would like to know what you guys are doing here though. Hi again Will, Karen.”

Tabitha answered starting to break his frozen state and set the half wrapped mug down. He was clearly confused honestly having every right to be. I mean they were trespassing. Sure the place was in the process of being abandoned but still it was weird to see two elites from a different region just stomping around, one wearing a magma hoodie?

“Wait before we answer that I just want to ask why you said ‘again’, to us both. You two have also met before?”

Will addressed pointing between Karen and Tabitha.

“I mean yeah, a bit. Just casual stuff sorta.” “We went on a blind date with each other like a year ago. A good time, uh didn’t work out though.”

Tabitha answered filling in the gaps Karen wasn’t filling out. Behind the mask eyes went wide as the dark type user’s went down. Oh here we go.

“Wait a blind date!? I have been trying to get you to go on one for ages and you never will do them! Also a year ago! I knew you were sad about getting rejected by that other guy, don’t tell me that’s what drove you to finally go on a blind date!? Karen when things like this happed you gotta tell me so we can go get ice cream and rant about how awful boys are. I can’t believe this betrayal. My own best friend, a lying hoe.”

The psychic ranted crossing his arms in a huff as he glared at her. He wasn’t really as hurt by this as he was making it sound which is why Karen rolled her eyes to it. Tabitha though had no idea what was happening and just kept shifting his gaze between the two feeling rather out of place. In his own home too!

“Ugh, we’ll talk about this later. Sorry for bothering you Tabitha, we’re just...like....huh there isn’t a good way to put this. We’re trespassing for fun cause it’s a bad tradition we’ve developed, but if you want maybe we can help you pack up?”

Karen offered awkwardly not knowing what to do with her hands and giving him a double thumbs up of all things combed with a guilt filled smile. The pause wasn’t long, but the atmosphere had a way of making it feel so much longer. Tabitha sort of just shook his head and sighed.

“I’m good. I’ll be done in another hour or two I guess come back then to have you’re run of the place just promise me the most you’ll take is two partial uniforms. I’m not the only one who needs to come back and get stuff.” “Actually we’ll just only take the one I’m more team aq-oof! Magma, but I know better than to steal things.”

He answered cut off before he could finish his original statement by a jab in the side by Karen’s elbow.

“As he said we hear you loud and clear, bye Tabs!”

She called pulling her partner in crime back on the teleport pad leaving the baffled admin behind.

#drabble #for fun #cleverest-admin #(i'm thinking about doing all of them but we'll see)

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ximaginedreamsx · 5 years

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Unbound

Chapter 6: The Mystery of Takuya

Restless tension hung heavily in the atmosphere of the room as everyone attempted to absorb the sudden, disturbing bit of information they were just given.

Urahara's gaze shifted back to Grimmjow after a few moments. "You're saying that Aizen is plotting to come after Orihime? And you're absolutely certain of this?"

The Espada's scowl deepened. "What reason do I have to lie?"

"You have EVERY reason to lie!" Rukia snapped suddenly. "How do we know that you're not the one Aizen sent to capture her in the first place?!"

Grimmjow cast a bored glare at the ranting Shinigami. "As boldly stupid as ever... Do you ever use that useless chunk of dead weight you dare refer to as a fucking brain? Tch...if I were the one sent here to complete such a boring task, I would've done it long before now. Aside from that fact, I'm pretty damn sure that arrogant bastard wouldn't have sent someone he himself was trying to kill to do his dirty work."

"Hmmm...he has a valid point..." Uryuu reluctantly agreed. "That and he just doesn't seem like the type that Aizen would send in for a task like that."

Ichigo looked over at Grimmjow. "So then who would he send to complete that sort of task?"

"His emo clown lapdog, Ulquiorra." Grimmjow replied. "He sends that son of a bitch to do everything."

"...That guy..." Ichigo muttered, remembering his confrontation with the green-eyed Espada.

"While that is a good thing to keep in mind, our main focus as of right now should be what we're going to do to prevent it from even occurring." Urahara stated; he then looked back toward the auburn-haired girl. "Orihime, I'd like for you to stay here with me the time being. I'll have Takuya and Renji go with you to your home to pack anything you may need."

Orihime nodded an "ok," her own mind still trying to process the details of her sudden possible endangerment. A hand suddenly came to rest upon her shoulder, causing her to jump slightly. She turned to see Takuya looking at her, a hopeful smile on her face.

"Don't worry, ok?" she spoke reassuringly, giving the girl's shoulder a squeeze. "Your friends are here for you, and I'm sure everything possible will be done to make sure that you are kept safe."

"That's right." Ichigo piped up in agreement. "You don't have to worry about a thing, Orihime. We've got your back!"

A smile slowly returned to Orihime's face. "Yeah...thanks guys." she said quietly.

"Alright, you three should probably head out now for the sake of handling things early." Urahara suggested. "And Renji...it'd be best if you changed into a shinigami just in case."

"Right." Renji said as he stood to his feet. Ok you two, let's get going."

The two girls stood up as Renji changed into his shinigami form, and exited the shop shortly thereafter. Urahara watched until they were out of the shop before turning back to the rest of the group.

"Well, I suppose we won't go into anything further until they've returned." he said, opening his fan. "Until then, how about we have some more tea?"

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The walk to Orihime's apartment was quiet and uneventful, much to Renji's own relief. Once inside the apartment, Orihime immediately began packing up clothing and other such necessities into a large suitcase with Takuya's help, while Renji stood outside and kept watch. Within fifteen minutes they completed their task; Orihime took a few extra seconds afterwards to double-check and make sure she had everything she needed before the two headed out the door.

"Okay, we're ready." Orihime said as she locked her apartment door behind her.

"Alright then. Let's head back." Renji said, taking the suitcase from the auburn-haired girl as they began their trek back to Urahara's shop.

Only a minute or so after the trio began their short journey, Renji suddenly stopped in his tracks, causing the two girls behind him to bump into him slightly. Orihime cast a nervous glance up at the red-haired man.

"Renji? W-what's wrong?"

"...A hollow." Renji muttered, his hand immediately going to his zanpakutou. As if on cue, a loud howl erupted from somewhere a mere few feet in front of them. "And from the sound of it...it's pretty big."

Takuya's eyes widened in fear at the revelation, and she suddenly felt as if she couldn't move as horrid memories that had been successfully locked away in the back recesses of her mind came flooding back to the surface. Her steady breaths transformed into shuddering gasps in that instant, drawing the attention of both Orihime and Renji.

"Takuya?" Orihime called softly, turning to face the panicking girl. "Takuya...it's gonna be -"

She was abruptly cut off when the hollow stormed into view. As Renji had guessed, the creature was huge, standing about as tall as a three-story building. Its legs were short while its arms stretched down to the ground, and its mask was oblong in shape; a hollow hole decorated the center of its reddish body.

Raucus laughter echoed from the creature when it spotted the trio. "Hah, I thought I smelled an extra tasty snack around here. Seems my senses weren't fooling me after all." it bellowed.

"The only thing you'll be tasting is my Zabimaru as it hacks you to pieces, you bastard!" Renji yelled as he charged forward. "Roar, Zabimaru!"

His zanpakutou instantly extended into a long, jagged whip, and hurtled viciously toward the hollow. Just as the first segment reached it, it vanished seemingly into thin air. It did not escape Renji's senses, however, as he immediately charged in the direction it landed a second later. It growled loudly in newfound frustration, pausing only for a moment to glance at the slice wound on its shoulder before it suddenly began charging toward Takuya and Orihime, howling as it did so. Orihime quickly stepped in front of Takuya and activated her Santen Kesshun.

"Stay away from them, dammit!" Renji yelled as he hurriedly moved to impede the hollow's path.

"I must have it! Such deliciously rare and unusual spirit energy...it MUST be MINE! No one will stop me from having what I have sought out for so long! You can hide from me no longer, girl! Surrender yourself now and become one with my flesh!"

The hollow was mere inches away from Orihime's glowing shield when Zabimaru wrapped itself around the creature and dug its spikes into its body. Then, with a power tug, Renji forcefully retracted his zanpakutou; with a screeching cry, the hollow was destroyed, evaporating into nothing. With a collective sigh, Renji sheathed his weapon and Orihime dismissed her Santen Kesshun. Immediately afterward, the auburn-haired girl turned to console Takuya, who was trembling like a dry leaf in the wind. A second or so later, Renji joined the two girls.

"Are you two ok?" he asked.

"Yeah, we're just fine." Orihime replied with a slight nod. "Takuya's just a little shaken up is all."

Renji turned his attention to the ebony-haired girl, who stood there with her eyes closed taking deep breaths...an attempt to calm herself, he assumed. After about a minute, her trembling had completely stopped and she reopened her eyes.

"Are you ok, Takuya?" he asked.

"Yes, I think I am now." Takuya answered as she looked up to meet the red-haired man's gaze. "Thanks for saving us."

She then turned to Orihime. "My thanks to you as well. Maybe one day I'll be able to return the favor."

"No, no, you don't have to worry about anything like that. I'm glad to have been able to help." Orihime chimed, grinning goofily.

"Well, let's not waste anymore time." Renji said, picking Orihime's suitcase back up. "We need to hurry and get back to Urahara's before anything else decides to show up."

"Right." Takuya and Orihime agreed in unison.

With that, the trio resumed their trek back to Urahara's shop, this time electing to run the rest of the way to get there quicker. As they ran, Renji momentarily glanced over at Takuya. His brows furrowed slightly as he looked away, only partially giving away his concerned curiosity.

She says she's ok, but I still saw a glint of fear and helplessness in her eyes. And then there's that weird spirit energy...I wouldn't have even noticed it if that hollow hadn't mentioned it. There's definitely more than meets the eye with this girl...

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Grimmjow sensed it before it even reached the shop - the incredibly bizarre spirit energy that had snapped him out of his tired trance. His eyes shifted over the group around the table.

Tch, seems Kurosaki and his friends haven't noticed a thing...but Urahara and that other guy seem to be all too aware...

HIs permanent scowl deepened further as he determined the source of the energy - Takuya. Nothing about the ebony-haired girl had seemed even remotely out of the ordinary to him. From all appearances, she was nothing more than a lowly human...or at least she was until now. Confusion buried him deeper in his thoughts.

That energy...it's nothing like that of a hollow, nor is it anything like that of quincy, and it only vaguely resembles that of a shinigami… Just what the hell is this girl?

The sound of the door sliding open drew him back into reality, he and everyone else looking up as Renji, Orihime, and Takuya walked into the dining area. He immediately trained his gaze on the ebony-haired girl. The unusual energy still lingered in the air around her, but was slowly disappearing and becoming untraceable.

"Welcome back." Urahara greeted casually. "I'm glad to see you've all returned safely, despite the hollow you encountered."

"Yeah, thanks." Renji muttered.

"Orihime, why don't you and Takuya go ahead and get your things situated in the room you'll be staying in?" the shopkeeper suggested. "It's down the hall, the second door on the right - next door to Takuya's room."

Oh yeah, good idea." Orihime said. She then retrieved her suitcase from Renji and shuffled down the hallway, Takuya following behind her. Once he was sure they were out of earshot, Urahara turned his attention to the rest of the group.

"There is something we need to discuss, as that sudden hollow attack has made it unavoidable." he spoke quietly. "It is the issue of Takuya."

"The issue...of Takuya? What, like something's wrong with her?" Ichigo asked.

"No, that's not it at all." Urahara replied. "I'm about to give you the particulars on how we met her. It's actually quite interesting."

Ichigo gave the shopkeeper a suspicious look. "Ok...?"

Urahara cleared his throat before he began. "We met Takuya exactly three weeks ago this day, ironically enough...when we rescued her from a hollow attack that destroyed her home."

Silent shock descended upon the group as they slowly registered what they'd just been told. After about thirty seconds, Tessai began to speak.

"On that day, a group of four large hollows were making an adamant attempt to reach the girl, who was trapped beneath some of the debris of what remained of her home. They were so fixated upon reaching her, in fact, that they did not even notice our arrival on the scene, which allowed us to make quick work of them and free the girl from her entrapment. She has been staying with us ever since then."

Ichigo traded glances with Renji before shifting a glare to Urahara. "What's your point in telling us this?" he asked, anger surfacing in his tone. "What the hell's so damn interesting about hollows destroying someone's home?!"

"Now, now, calm down Ichigo. We haven't even told you the interesting part yet." Urahara said.

Ichigo huffed as he waited impatiently for the shopkeeper to continue, a frown settling on his face.

"The interesting detail in all this is not simply Takuya's miraculous survival of this ordeal, but the manor in which she was able to survive." Urahara explained. "Spirit energy unlike anything we've ever felt radiated from the spot beneath the debris where she was trapped, and it had covered the debris on top of her in a faint blue light...almost like a shield. This energy was generated by Takuya herself, though we soon discovered that she is completely unaware of it."

"...Wow." Chad remarked.

"Wow indeed." Uryuu agreed. "A shield strong enough to thwart the simultaneous attacks of four large hollows... This must be some serious power."

"Why didn't you tell us about this before now?" Ichigo asked. "Why keep something like this a secret?"

"Shortly after we rescued her, the energy she emitted faded into nothing and did not resurface again...until today." Tessai replied.

Ichigo arched an eyebrow. "Today?"

Urahara nodded. "That's right. However, the only ones of us to sense it were Tessai, myself...," he paused momentarily as his gaze shifted over to the wall where the Espada sat in silence, "and Grimmjow...which, now that I think about it, doesn't surprise me at all. We also assume Renji picked up on it as well, due to that hollow attack."

Renji nodded in confirmation.

"We've yet to determine the nature of this unusual energy of hers, nor do we know the true measure of its strength." Urahara commented, snapping open his fan. "I suppose that will remain to be seen, should it ever resurface again."

"So even with all this, you would still entrust her safety to a hollow?" Rukia asked suddenly. "Why don't you just let one of us protect her instead? It's our job as shinigami after all..."

Urahara sighed. "You have a different set of problems to concern yourself with now. Takuya isn't in any immediate danger, but we can't say the same for Orihime. Protecting her is your top priority now. Takuya is well taken care of."

Rukia frowned. "But -"

"Shut it, Rukia." Ichigo muttered flatly, abruptly cutting the girl off. "He's right. Quit trying to refute everything for once."

Rukia shot a death glare at the orange-haired boy, but did not speak again. Silence once again overtook the atmosphere of the room, leaving everyone to ponder about the long and difficult road they had ahead of them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Nightfall had descended upon Karakura, covering the town in a cloudless, midnight blue blanket speckled with millions upon millions of tiny points of twinkling light and a nearly full moon at the center of it all. Takuya sat in silence on her bed, her knees hugged to her chest and her tired eyes trained on the sky. She could not see the moon from the small window above her bed, but the glittering beauty of the stars was enough mesmerize her and draw her mind away from the day's events.

A small sigh escaped her, and shortly thereafter a broad yawn. Sleep called out mightily to her, urging her body to succumb to its need to rest...but she willfully resisted for fear of the nightmares she knew would immediately assail her the instant she closed her eyes. They had been seemingly endless the first time she'd endured a hollow attack. For an entire week, her subconscious mind was tormented with horrifying dreamworld scenarios in which she was chased down and almost eaten alive by hollows, resulting in several sleepless nights...

That is, until the final night she'd been swept into yet another nightmare...when a mysterious hero appeared out of nowhere, saved her from the encroaching hollows, and then vanished without even the slightest utterance.

The nightmares ceased after that - much to her great relief - but it left her wondering about her mysterious dreamworld savior. He brows furrowed ever so slightly in thought as she hugged her knees closer to herself. All I could make out was a black silhouette...never an actual face or anything. Hmmm...maybe it was a shinigami or something...?

"Hey...girl..."

The sudden sound of the male voice at her room door startled her greatly; after a second or so, however, she relaxed a little, recognizing who the voice belonged to. She slowly got up from her bed and silently padded to her room door. Sliding it open, she stuck her head out and immediately saw him leaning against the wall on the opposite side of the door.

"...Grimmjow?"

"I know what happened to you know...you were attacked by hollows in the past." the blue-haired Espada said. "The reason why that crazy ass shopkeeper would still task me with guarding your life in spite of that knowledge...is unknown even to me."

He then turned to look at her, intensity of his cerulean gaze not allowing her to look away. "Know this, though...while I will always loathe the shinigami with the passion, and despise the humans for their naivety and ridiculous feelings, you are the only one among them all...who can say you needn't fear me. I am indebted to you...and I intend to return the favor."

Takuya gasped inwardly, and her gray eyes widened as her brain began registering what was just said to her. Grimmjow looked at her for a few seconds longer before pushing himself out of his leaning position and turning so that his back faced her now.

"And that is something that you shouldn't take lightly."

Those final words hung in the air as she watched him go back down the hallway and into his room. She pulled herself back into her own room a second later and slid the door closed, her eyes still wide with mild shock. The Espada's words had finally begun to sink in as she walked back to her bed; moments later, the fear shrouding her heart receded, and a small smile found its way to her lips at the sudden reacquiring of her desire to sleep. She then proceeded to climb under her blankets and close her eyes.

"I don't have to be afraid..." she murmured into the air. "...Everything...will be alright..."

And with that, she fell into a peaceful sleep.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5

#bleach #unbound fanfic #grimmjow jaegerjaquez #grimmjow x oc #chapter 6

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hi-im-dazey · 5 years

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A few things to think about when writing sex scenes

I want people who write fanfiction about gay relationships, when they are not gay themselves, to try to remember that men aren’t gay because they want to be women, they are gay because they want to have sexual relationships with men. One or both of the couple may or may not have a gentle, caring, lighter, more domestic side, but they are still dudes.

When you take one of the couple and basically turn them into “the girl” of the couple, you may as well just write het fiction at that point.

A gay man getting turned on when his boyfriend is in a sex-shop cheerleader costume, is not really an accurate portrayal of how it works.

Also I think it’s safe to question the feasibility of how often, according to fanfiction, a gay man refers to his lover’s tender flower as, well, a tender flower, or a pussy, or (strangely enough in one fiction) a cunt.

If you think guys are hot, then think about the things you think are hot about them. You like character “x” in a suit? Well, guess what, character “x” also looks hot in a suit to his boyfriend/love interest.

His love interest is not looking at the way those dress slacks hug his ass, or how those sweatpants do nothing to hide his underwear choices or reciprocal interest, or how that tee-shirt really accentuates his arms and chest, and thinking:

“Wow, I bet he looks hot in a dress.”

You like the way character “y” holds himself when he’s walking? That’s probably one of the things his love interest likes about him too. You think he’s got a sweet smile and a nice rumbly voice? Guess what? So does your protagonist!

DO NOT TURN ONE OF YOUR MEN INTO A GIRL SIMULACRUM, that’s not gay, that’s stereotyping and projecting hetero-normative relationship roles and gendered actions onto characters who don’t need them.

AND it is a big self-hate moment to have one man surprise another with feminine dress so he can convince the male presenting party to fuck him “Wow you look hot dressed as a chick, now I can fuck you”... This isn't a bugs bunny cartoon, let your gay male characters appreciate and love men, that’s what being gay is.

Also please note, panty kinks are much more prevalent amongst Hetero males. The amount of gay panty kink fanfiction out there is way over proportionate to its actual existence as a thing.

LUBE.YOUR.ANAL.SEX.

And please, please... please Try to remember Anal Sex just is not happening without severe damage to all body parts involved without adequate lubrication. Blood, spit, water (?!?!)*... these things are not adequate lubrication. And you need to remember that the receiving hole is not the only thing that will get injured, dick skin is delicate, it chafes easy just from enthusiastic, yet dry, hand jobs.

It’s not going to feel good, or in most cases, even be possible, to drive dry dick into a dry hole. So maybe you want your sub or bottom (not the same thing, BTW) to “really feel it” but you have to remember that that anal ring is gonna scrape the happy right off your Dom or top (again, not the same thing).

Attempts without will hurt both parties bad enough that in the future they will never not have lube with them when they intend to get laid or fuck someone. People who like anal play keep lube handy. And the “having to stop and do something else to get off” when you discover you are out of lube is a much more reasonable love-making option than going in dry and NO ONE who likes anal play will tell you differently.

*Blood clots, coagulates, and dries pretty fast, plus it sticks to things and sticks things to other things as it dries, There’s a reason bandages are treated so they won’t stick to wounds. Basically blood will not lubricate and in fact will make matters worse.

*Spit, unless you include a healthy amount of mucus, is not viscous enough to act as a lubricant, in other words, it’s gonna dry before you get the coated member anywhere near the licked hole. and if you think it’s sexy to fuck someone with mucus you should probably make a content warning tag for that so people can avoid it.

*Water dries fast and is not viscous enough to provide any lubrication. Also sex in a body of water is EXTREMELY difficult and in most case down right impossible, and the water will wash away any natural lubrication that maybe happening from a person capable of making their own, and any water based bottle lube you have applied (one of the many reasons water based is great because it WASHES OFF EASILY IN WATER)

Female anatomy notes:

Vaginas snap right back into shape, no matter how many dicks, toys, fists... whatever, have been in them. No matter the size, or number of times the vagina has been enjoying sex, it does not get “wrecked”, “loose”, or “flappy”. It tightens right back up. The only thing that can change the shape or “tightness” is giving birth and even that (barring incidence of medical stupidity during delivery) is temporary and once healed from, minor. Vaginas are built to take dick, squeeze out the resulting babies, and repeat the process.

(Not that you have to use your personal vagina for any of that, but that is what it has evolved to do and recover from doing)

ETA: I think I pissed someone off because they got all reposty and annoyed about being “told how to write” I am not sure this post was the cause of it, because they were ranting about how they read it rather than what it actually says and did not repost the original with their comments because it would invalidate their claim.... So just to make a few things clear: When you are writing about two men in a relationship, forcing one to be the girl is the fan fiction equivalent of asking a gay couple “which of you is the woman?’

Relationships exist without straight gender roles. Men who want to be with Men, want to be with Men. So if your goal is a sweet, engaging, realistic, romance between two men, please respect your men. Or, if you need there to be a woman, write it with a woman.

Also tips on writing believable gay romance is not the same as telling someone not to write what they want. Just pointing out things to avoid if you want to write it believably, is not attacking your writing. (and if you feel like it was attacking you personally, maybe you should examine that on your own time.)

If you really like putting a guy in a dress and turning him into the wife and your fans get off on that and buy you Kofi and whatnot, great. BUT these tips are intended for writers who would like to write realistic relatable romances between two (or more) gay men, when you yourself are not two (or more) gay men.

Second thing this person got weirdly pissed about:

Anal sex lube. ( they also got pissed about condom use as if I’d insisted on it, I did not mention condoms except in the tags where I point out that adults negotiate fluid bonding on the fly all the time. So not really sure where they got that panty twist from)

Ok so if you're gonna die on the hill of NO LUBE, (how dare I tell someone not to use three really bad choices for lube options, I must be a monster)

Be aware: Everyone who has actually had anal sex is getting to that dry entry/bad lube choice moment and Noping the fuck out of your story.

Look, you can have one of your character spew magical unicorn lube, or have the no-tell motel provide it along with their hourly rates, or have one of your characters carry it just in case or whatever, OR you can get people to leave your story unfinished when you have them all turned on and ready to go and then suddenly drop the feeling of having a giant dry dick trying to to tear into them and yuck their yum.

If your goal is to get people to enjoy your story thoroughly (insert dirty suggestive eyebrow wiggle here) then you really should strive for not destroying the mood you built with something as weird as steadfastly refusing to write as if lube exists and is needed.

ALSO yes it’s fiction, but, unfortunately sex education in this country ranges from non-existent to super crappy, if someone is reading erotica and looking at porn to get a handle on how it all works, I’d rather be a person who advocated lube use, than the person who tried to pretend anal sex can happen without it.

#writing sex #writing sex you don't do #maybe don't write about sex you haven't had or at least researched #also look up some anatomy #I know school suck at teaching this stuff now #the internet isn't always right either #talk to people ask questions #you may not realize it but people who are afraid to ask will learn from reading these stories #be accurate and give good info just in case someone is learning from your story #also grownups negotiate fluid bonding and eschew condom use all the time #it's just how it is #if you have verified test results and consent to it barebacking is a thing

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