#ive had a headache all day so im blaming it on this

[charklenee]

Im bored here is chase x y/n [house md] part 1

I have clinic duty today and I've never felt more exhausted. Working five to nine is already hard, but in addition to the headache I got from my hangover, it's a new kind of hell. I knew I shouldn't drink an excessive amount of liquor during a week day but what more can I say? I was in a state of absolute vulnerability and had a rough time processing an end to my two-year relationship, with my now ex-boyfriend. My head ached tremendously and I could feel a beating pulse on the back of it. I closed my eyes and relaxed my shoulders and sat calmly on the chair in House's office.

He walked in his sneakers with his cane towards the coffee pot and poured a glass for himself.

Currently, I'm still closing my eyes and ready to pass out any moment. I had enormous eyebags in dark shades of brown and black. Slightly smudged mascara and eyeliner was still visible because I haven't washed my face since last night. My hair was scuffed in a bad way, but I managed to clip it so it wouldn't be unbearable. I looked like a mess, I sound like a mess, my hair looks like a mess, and I have clinic duty today. This day couldn't not get any worse, right?

"Patient is in a severe state of comatose," House said while sipping his coffee.

"And?" Cameron replied.

"What is the word "severe" implying?" Chase said with furrowed eyebrows.

"It means she is half-dead and in a state of comatose "

"Great.." I say. "Just put her on the IV and wait for her to emerge from her beauty sleep three decades later, easy-peasy."

House turned his head from the whiteboard and looked at me straight in the eye, "oh yeah, I thought of the same thing, well obviously - are you hungover, Dr.?" House said it in the most sarcastic tone he could possibly say and I was about to tip over the edge of my seat listening to his rambling.

"Yeah. I am, House. I'm going to literally faint any minute now -have you done a tox-screen on the patient, might've been drug related."

"Patient's tox screen was clear, no sign of anything related to drugs." House said.

"Organ failure? Kidney? Or maybe cardiac arrest?" asked Foreman urgently.

"So you meant to say that half-dead meant bruised and butchered?" Chase replied to House.

"She's full of scars head to toe and has nasty fleshy wounds, my guess is high blood sugar is an underlying cause of all of this." House said.

"Hyperglycemia as an underlying problem?" I said with my eyes closed and palms covering my face.

"Yes, three points to the alchoholic." House pointed.

Chase was looking at me all concerned but I honestly don't need that kind of attention. I need something like a rebound, alchohol could get me far, but not far enough to forget. Memories of him linger, linger so dearly, hauntingly.

Chase said coldly, "Wake up, House told you to draw blood." He tapped my back whilst I was covering my face.

"Yeah..I'll do it." I said, in a breaking voice.

"Damn, what did this guy do to make you look like this." He left to check up on the patient.

He stopped and looked at me before he went out of House's office.

After a few minutes, I got the sample and I did some tests. I was looking through the microscope at the office and examining the patient's blood culture. There he was, he walked in. He slided the door and tried to not make it obvious he was there for me, but I could tell the opposite from his glare piercing through the back of my mind.

"Yeah, I'm here for you. Are you okay? I brought some juice for your hangover. I know we don't get along and I hardly know you but please just take the juice."

I stood up and stray away from the microscope. I folded my arms, "it's nice to think that somebody is here for me during times like these, but I don't quite enjoy being somebody else's guilt. I don't want your pity, Dr. Chase. But I will accept this juice, thanks."

He handed me the juice and glanced down, this somehow made me guilty for treating him like I did. I keep blaming my shitty behavior because of a break-up. I guess it's somehow true that it did lead up to this behavior but it is also my fault I don't take care of myself.

"Chase. I'm sorry I was acting all bitchy, I-"

"Yeah, I get it. I did pity you, from personal experience I felt a need to help, I guess."

"Oh, yeah. Thanks for the juice."

"Hey.." Chase said softly.

"Yeah?"

"Do you need a rebound, I could help you. It could ease the pain. No alchohol, no meds, just you and me. We could talk your feelings out. I don't want to smell your vodka scent anymore."

"Sure, whatever you say." I initially was thinking it would lead up to this but when I heard the words I just gave up and followed to his sayings because I think something like this could bring me some sort of rejoicement.

"I have clinic duty. I'll be at your place at seven."

"Deal."

[im-smart-i-swear]

There is a very very very importrant piece of buddy lore that i dont think ive ever shared with ANYONE before but which is FUNDAMENTAL to who they are and how they see themself. Idk why ive never said this before lmao but its Importrant.

So. Ok. The biggest reason why bud feels so guilty about what happened all these years ago still is beacuse, in that moment, when he was trying to kill keith - it was the happiest he has ever felt, before or since. And it haunts them.

They were being mind controlled by haggar, and in my specific interpretation i think its fascinating to think of it not as her literally using him as a puppet, but rather putting him in an altered mind state of sorts? Manipulating his thoughts and emotions until hes willing to do her bidding. Idrk how to explain this lol, but basically i mean that she, through her weird witch shit, turned bud into a '''willing''' servant. Shed just tell him what to do and hed do it bc that's what he Should Be Doing, beacuse that Feels Right. Bc at the moment he genuinely believes hes doing the right thing

Throughout those months w the paladins bud was undeniably having a Bad Time (and also making it everyones problem, rip lance...). so when he finally breaks and haggar gets a hold on him... He doesnt have to think anymore. All he has to do is follow orders, and god, isn't that so much easier? Isnt this so much better? It feels right, to follow instructions blindly, even if he can hear his friends screaming at him throught the fog. That's not importrant anyway.

What im trying to say is- between the exhaustion, the weird mind control shit, the constant headaches and clone programming... Somehow, that total loss of control had the effect of feeling terrifyingly, intoxicantly good. And that's why they can not forgive themself for what they did, even after all these years

To be clear, this is exactly what haggar intended to happen. This was her goal. If your puppet doesnt think the things hes doing are wrong, he wont even try to fight you! But to buddy pinning all the blame on the witch feels too easy. Too tempting. Can they really say it was all her when they vividly remember the peace, the satisfaction they felt when they carried out her orders? Is this really something you can go back from?

Blaming themself is their way of taking back control, in a way. The idea of being completely stripped of their free will, being molded like clay until they fit someones mold - its such a terryfying thought to bud that theyd rather blame themself than admit that complete and utter vulnerability. They werent manipulated into being a puppet, no no no no, they did this all themself! Beacuse they felt like it! Haggar just told them what to do and they did it all bc they wanted to, they were in control the whole time!! Theyre just a sick bastard who did this and enjoyed it. Haha...

The constant crushing guilty they carry around wherever they go is, in their mind, the only way they can make up for this. They cant forgive themself, they cant move on, they will carry this burden until the day they die. Its what they deserve. They have to try and be a good person, and no matter if they succeed at this or not the guilt will always be there. They are a monster, they are unredeemable. It doesnt stop them from trying. But they are always aware of this looming presence that is their guilt.

This is also why they view themself as diffrent from the other clones. Stick isn't a bad person bc he helped haggar out of self-preservation and was also a child at the time. Soup isn't a bloodthirsty monster(and neither is shiro) bc she didnt have a choice. But to bud, they DID make that choice themselves. And that makes them a horrible person.

[shizekarnstein]

You can't stop people from being upset about sbaciel some people have had their kuro experiences ruined by those people bullying them :/

Oh yeah ive read all sorts of accounts and it doesn't surprised me bc at the end of the day all fandoms are like that. It sucks; cyberbullying always sucks, fandom or not. I dont blame ppl for developing a strong dislike bc of those experiences, as is their right. If leaving the fandom is what its best for them in order to feel better, i can only applaud them for prioritizing themselves and their needs. In general tho, as long as it doesn't escalate like that the best way of dealing with things that arent your cup of tea in the internet its simply to block the users and content you dont like. If ranting makes you feel better, rant in your safe spaces and tag it. Being constantely fighting tho doesnt fix anything. The thing with trends that are popular and you dont agree with its that theres nothing you can do to oblige ppl to comform to your views, so i repeat blocking is the easier way to save yourselves from headaches. As a grown woman, im way past letting weirdos in the internet even think of having the ability to bother me with their bullshit.

[samporterbbridges]

Ok, here’s a question/prompt for you, when do you think higgs fell in love with sam? And when did Sam fall for higgs?

Uhhhh okay so this is super long and I really need to stop doing this and just respond to asks normally. But yeah I’ve been thinking about this response all day, and I’m not even home yet to properly edit this so yeah this is what my brain threw up ((I’m so sorry Anon this probably doesn’t even make sense and it’s a little more than what you even asked for)):

It definitely takes a really long time till they actually fall in love tbh

I have another post from a while ago (I think it was another ask), talking about how Higgs has to basically redeem himself, and one way to start is that he’s helping Sam with deliveries, so they’re together a lot for a really long period of time.

It starts out pretty slowly for them to even get on good terms, Sam doesn’t even speak to him much in the beginning, but Higgs, of course, never stops talking. He’s still an asshole in the beginning, always trying to push Sams buttons, but Sam is patient, and he’s too smart to fall for those games anymore.

It’s probably Higgs who falls first. It wasn’t intentional, of course, he does think Sam is attractive, but that was all that was there at first, but then, then Sam is just...so decent, and kind, to him of all people. Higgs isn’t used to stuff like that from other people.

Sam, who absolutely hates touch, reaches out and grabs his arm to steady him as they’re walking down a pretty steep hill and Higgs looses his balance.

Sam, who has no obligation to him, constantly checks on how he’s doing. Need a drink? Want to stop for a bit?

Honestly it’s just because Sams not used to having a constant companion other than BB, so he’s not really used to having to make sure someone else is keeping on with him on missions. Sure, there’s escort missions, but those are different, this is an entirely separate person with his own amount of cargo.

Sam’s kind of irritated having Higgs there at first, and he’s not any bit comfortable being around him, he doesn’t sleep when taking rests between deliveries for a really long time in the beginning. He never lets Higgs out of his sight either. But god does he wish he’d shut up.

Though he will admit it’s not always so bad having someone else around, someone who can help him carry the weight of several packages for once. He doesn’t miss the days of carrying over 50kg on his back that’s for sure. And sometimes, only SOMETIMES, and don’t ever tell him he said this, Higgs can be funny. Sams not alone with just BB and his depression thoughts anymore.

God okay what was the question again? Oh yeah the moment they both fell. ((Can I ever just answer something without going into a long ass multi paragraph rant?))

So Higgs is the first to realize what’s going on, they’ve been working together for a pretty long time at this point, and it’s a bit of an understatement to say they’ve grown close during this time. They’re both fond of each other yes, but neither of them really figured out what they really feel until this moment.

They’ve got a very heavy and very important delivery from Capital knot, all the way to Port Knot. It’s a pretty long trip, and Sams getting tired, he won’t say anything but Higgs can see it. They’re in the mountains when some heavy time fall hits. BBs immediately getting scared, of course, because Sams getting stressed, he’s stressed, carrying over 30kg on his back, he’s tired, and now they’re surrounded by BTs in the mountains. They have a pretty close call, and it ends with them loosing a lot of cargo, because once it gets bad, and it gets bad, Sam fell over, and was having trouble getting away with all the cargo, Higgs just grabs Sam and hauls him out of there as fast as he can.

Sams pissed, asking him “why the hell did you do that?! We lost the cargo! What were you thinking?!”

Higgs then realizes it there.

He was terrified at the mere thought of Sam getting hurt. Something that’s absolutely silly to worry about given that Sam can’t even die, but still it’s something that upsets him to think about. Sam even yells at him for it “I’ve been through this before! I’ve dealt with BTs on my own, I’ve even fallen off of cliffs out here on my own before. It doesn’t matter. It’s not like I can’t come back. So dont bother worrying about it”

“I just....I couldn’t see you get hurt...”

“I just told you! I would’ve been fine I’m used to it. So why do you-“

“Because! I-“

Oh.

OH.

Not only does Higgs figure it out in that moment, but Sam also reads between the lines too.

Higgs loves him. It’s a lot to process. For both of them.

Higgs is having an entire crisis. He doesn’t even really understand what it means to love someone. This doesn’t feel like the love he’s ever known. He doesn’t want to hurt Sam. He never wants Sam to hurt ever again. But know it’s weird, and Sam hasn’t said anything, and now Higgs thoughts are racing. Why would sam ever feel anything like that for him?

Does Sam love him back though?

Sam thinks about this all night. He can’t even look at Higgs for the rest of the day. He feels bad, he’s not upset with him, but he’s just not sure what to say.

It’s been a really long time since he’s loved someone like THAT. Not since her.

He’s his friend, yeah. Of course he cares about him. And he feels horrible for getting mad at him, especially now that he knows what Higgs is feeling. He’s probably hurt him, just storming off to his private room without even looking back at Higgs. Shit he’s really fucked this up huh.

He’s not sure how he feels though. They’ve been through a lot together, but he’s never really thought about having romantic feelings about anybody.

He has to sleep on it.

And when he wakes up he full on panics.

Higgs isn’t there.

They let Sam know that he just took off and left early this morning.

“Figures. We always knew he’d leave eventually. It was pointless to think he really wanted to help.”

And it hurts Sam to even hear that. Would Higgs really just leave.

He feels such a heavy pressure in his chest, like his heart was dying inside of him.

It’s not even just the thought of Higgs betraying him and leaving, but even just the idea that he was gone for good, never to see him again. No more trips together, no more stupid comments from him, no more Higgs.

Oh god...is this what he was feeling yesterday? Is this why he saved him?

Sams trying not to cry. If he cries, BB will cry. He has to stay calm, figure out what to do next.

Maybe he does love him. Or maybe he’s just scared of loosing someone he’s grown so close to. So used to having him around. A constant in his life.

No, Higgs wouldn’t leave. He wouldn’t leave Sam.

Higgs didn’t leave.

He looked like he was just about to fall over, packages stacked on his back as he staggered into to building.

Sam just stands there staring at him, so many words bubbling within him, too many emotions ready to spill out all at once.

Higgs tries to keep up his confident mask, thinking of a witty remark to make as he smiles that oh so charming smile of his, but he’s still a little unsure of how Sam feels about him now, now that they both know. So there’s no point in pretending that he didn’t just hike back up the mountains to go and retrieve a whole bunch of cargo just for Sam. Because he loves Sam, and he doesn’t want Sam to be mad at him. He’s sure Sam already knows this.

“I uh...I got them all back.” He says as he’s putting some of the heavy boxes down, laughing a little awkwardly as he’s waiting for Sam to say something.

He’s not sure what he was expecting, but it’s definitely not Sam walking over to him, and putting a hand on his shoulder, something that’s probably a lot for him to do.

“I’m sorry for uh, yelling at you yesterday.”

Higgs wants to wrap his arms around him, he wants to be close, but he doesn’t. His face heats up and he’s almost pretty sure Sam can feel how fast his art is beating.

“It’s fine. Really. I’m uh...sorry for yesterday too. I didn’t uh, I mean I really shouldn’t have-“

“Are you trying to apologize for being in love with me?”

“Should I?”

“No. I don’t think I want you to ever apologize for that.”

“Are you sure? Cause once you accept this package there’s no returning me.”

“What”

‘Oh god I might actually be in love with this big idiot.....’

[ars0nism]

actually the worst overstimulation moments are when ur overstimulated from people you love. like i have two chaotic stepsiblings & theyre young and one of them has hyperactive adhd and i love them !! i love them a lot !! theyre adorable & sweet and one of them gave me a bracelet with my name (chosen name!!) on it and the other one i can bounce sonic facts off of bc its one of my special interests and its his hyperfixation but being around them for too long makes me itchy! i want to hang out with them i want to be like my sister and be there for them but every second spent with them is so horribly draining & i think thats the worst overstimulation. fuck theme parks, fuck class, the worst overstimulation is from your favorite little kids

[thecherrygod]

i am an adult so if i want to deal with my loneliness, depression and any other issue with alcohol by myself on a saturday night well that is my problem

[jxmbi]

⠀

[paroxysmal-distaste]

proximity. || ch13, weird

IVE LITERALLY BEEN GONE ONLY BC IM GOING INTO UNIVERSITY IM SO SORRY HERE'S A CHAPTER UIJKRF THIS HAS BEEN SITTING IN MY DRAFTS FOR MONTHS

◬ Chapter 13 - Weird ◬ ◬ Pairing: Bill Cipher x Fem! Reader ◬ ◬ Date Published: 27/05/2019 ◬ ◬ Word Count: 5146 ◬

Sixty degrees that come in threes. Watches from within birch trees. Saw his own dimension burn. Misses home and can't return. Says he's happy. He's a liar Blame the arson for the fire. If he wants to shirk the blame, He'll have to invoke my name. One way to absolve his crime. A different form. A different time.

...

The entirety of your night was spent tossing and turning, clutching the sides of your head the same way you would if you had a headache. What you had, however, was worse.

Gaining Bill’s powers hadn’t taken a toll on you this badly. Not before, anyways. It’s like your body was allowing you to slowly digest each ability as a way of adjusting and preventing you from going into instant shock (or death) from the sudden change. Evolutionary, perhaps?

Sure, you could handle a little intangibility or teleportation, things that very much differed from your normal ‘day-to-day’ metal control or electrical generation- but last night marked the beginning of a new problem.

Every. single. hour was spent trying to ignore the cacophony of overlapping thoughts from hundreds of different people at once.

Out of both curiosity and as a way to feed your sanity, you managed to tune into the mind of a random but strange individual, probably someone only a few kilometres away from you, only to be marvelled at how disgusting and unfiltered their thoughts were.

Made sense, these were their thoughts- it’s why they’re so personal, and it’s not expected someone could involuntarily end up reading their mind anyways. In some manner, who were you to make judgements about someone in the privacy of their own head? But after hearing that man’s dialogue, you had opted for trying one last time to sleep (out of horror), forcing the multiple human voices to be hushed into white noise.

But those whispers of rhyme… what did they mean? Was it because of Bill?

Your mind drifted off to the events of yesterday.

"Na-ah-ah, doll. You didn't think I'd forget about you calling me your boyfriend, now did you?"

Ugh.

You hated the way Bill made your face glow multiple times a day. Just the very recollection made a bad taste spread across your tongue. Call it a blow to your pride or genuine embarrassment, you didn't care- all you knew was that you didn't like it.

Obviously, your embarrassment was due to his teasing and that would be fine if you had to only dabble in his presence every once in a while, like a proper friend. But he was attached to your hip. He saw every reaction he wanted and he was basically living with you at this point, so moments of embarrassment for you were as clear as day and came more often than not.

After hearing his question, you got a little defensive, turning your head from him, absolutely mortified you had just walked into a trap that will give him enough fuel to last him weeks.

“It was the first thing I thought of! What the hell did you want me to say?” It was a hoarse whisper shout at best, and your eyes flickered to the group of teenagers behind Bill.

Bill’s grin grew so incredibly wide you wanted to slap him for being so annoying. You let out harsh air through your nose as he closed his eyes lightly and tsked, shaking his head.

“Why would that be your first thought?”

You paused.

Ironically? It wasn’t actually your first thought. But still, you could’ve said he was your cousin or family member... you later realised. You chewed on your bottom lip, staring at the ground in thought.

“Doll?”

“Hm? Oh.” You tilted your head up at him, hands on your waist defiantly, “I would’ve told him we were friends but the last time I visited I told him I had no friends, so it was just a precaution. I was being paranoid.”

He snorted, “You got that right.”

You lightly smacked his arm, muttering ,"Which part," before adding, "You're really not the sort of person I'd usually be caught dead hanging out with anyways."

He quirked an eyebrow, a flicker of disdain flashing across his face so fast that it scared you.

"For someone that doesn't have any 'friends', you've got quite the mouth on you." He replied almost a little too quickly, as if he was ready to pounce at any sign of your rebellion.

"I don't have any friends because I don't want any. Sort of requiring too much effort–especially with my time spent on people I'm never going to talk to again 5 years from now. Not because of my personality or anything." You sounded unsure now, and perhaps a little insecure. Pure pure coping right now.

Friends were something you had barely stayed in contact with, but it still hurt to not have anybody checking up on you. After a while it was something you got used to, and nowadays having friends seems to be more of a burden than anything else. It didn't matter, you told yourself, you've got your work to focus on.

"Maybe that IS why you don't have any."

Your mind had already drifted into another hazy thought and the 'friend topic' was now gone. Hearing Bill's comment had actually made you falter in what the hell he was going on about this time.

"I hope you realise how bad that sounds." You replied absentmindedly, slapping a hand over your forehead and cringing when you realised what you said.

"Hm? Your mind's going there, huh?" He smoothed his hand over his opposite forearm, smiling at you with eyes half-lidded. The look would be complete if he had a cat's tail waving mischievously behind him. Or maybe the Devil's tail.

You flushed trying to cover up your mistake and backtracking, "Not like that, God." A glance from side to side and then back to Bill made you squint at him this time, "...Besides, I don't see your friends anywhere."

"I don't just keep my friends nailed to my sleeve, doll. Not anymore. They're waiting for my return in my dimension, you'll see." He smiled sleazily at you, like he knew more than you did.

God, it was annoying how he seemed to have a response for everything.

You snorted as his grin grew wider, "No but seriously doll! Last time you visited, you also hadn’t met me.” He used both hands to refer to himself proudly and raised his eyebrows like what he was saying was factual and he was just waiting for you to get it.

“Aww, what are you saying? That you do see me as your friend?” You held your hands together, and batted your eyelashes, scrunching your nose with a smile.

Bill rolled his eyes, “Unfortunately for you, doll, I’m not your boyfriend.” He diverted his attention to the teenagers talking behind the two of you, a fire lighting up inside his eyes when he settled his vision of fury on Dipper.

“Very funny. What would I know about relationships? Clearly you're the expert– pathetic me would stand no chance in the presence of Bill Cipher.” You spoke sarcastically, whispering the last part, deciding to play along mostly out of curiosity.

I mean, who could really blame you? This dream demon talked so much mad game, it would be next to impossible to not feel even an ounce of intrigue in whether or not he's actually managed to be hooked into the life of another romantically. "So tell me, have you ever been in one?" You asked boldly, gnawing on the inside of your cheek.

Bill looked away, "I don't know what you're referring to."

Your eyebrows furrowed, embarrassment beginning to creep up your neck at the question, "You... you know what I mean. Relationships."

“...I don’t like to engage in human affairs,” he huffed, turning to examine his surroundings. The action was suspiciously avoidant and you crossed your arms and tilted your head, a gleam beginning to show in your eye.

“Wait. So you’ve never-” you caught yourself as the words began to fly off your tongue and into the air.

Bill whipped his head over at you after eavesdropping at the Pines and your brother’s conversation, “What? Whaddaya mean?”

You blinked innocently.

“I mean,” you fiddled with the hem of your coat, regretting indulging into your , “You’ve… you’ve never…?”

If Bill knew what you were hinting at, he definitely didn’t show it. His face showed how perplexed he was and he nudged his head to tell you to continue. Another trap? Probably.

“Out of all the trillions of years you’ve existed, and the billions you’ve had in contact with humans, not one time, as a human… have you ever…” You avoided his gaze.

He squinted.

If he wants to play games, so can you. Ask and see his reaction. Then... gaslight gatekeep girlboss? You weren't sure, you were just curious to see what he would say if you referred to something more. Curiosity, that was it.

“Had contact with a human.”

Bill’s eyes widened, his milky one catching your glance.

Now he was getting it.

“So that’s the human affair you were referring to.”

Your own eyes widened and you frantically waved your hands side to side, partly in an attempt to see his reaction before taking it back like an absolute coward, "No, I just meant the whole relationship part! Not that intimately. Unless you wanna answer- I meant, you’ve never had a significant other before? Not even as a deal?”

Nailed it.

He stared at you as if you were slimy. “As a deal? How desperate do you think I am?”

“Not sure if you want that answered, to be frank,” you stuck your tongue out to the side as he crossed his arms and glared at you.

Bill looked like he was going to retort quickly but B/N’s voice from behind interrupted first, “Guys, I’m taking my leave now!”

Right, you had forgotten that you were conversing outside the Mystery Shack, with a couple of teenagers having their own talk a few metres away from you.

And that brought you to here, at home.

As soon as you arrived home, you dropped your body onto the couch and fell asleep. Bill must've noted this earlier because when he wrapped his arm around you to teleport the two of you home, he murmured something about your obvious eyebags.

You sniffled and didn't reply, slightly ashamed that your disgustingly unstable sleep schedule was beginning to show on your face.

When you awoke however, the last thing you expected to find was a warm thick crochet blanket you kept in the linen laid across your body. Well, across was an overstatement. It looked like someone threw the blanket in your direction and hadn't bothered to straighten it out.

It was as if the intention was there, but the effort wasn't.

You sighed, Bill.

Your toes curled as you stretched your legs and you hazily opened your eyes, blinking to unblur your vision. What you did not expect was Bill's transparent eyeball inches away from your face.

"Y'ellow."

A shrill scream left your throat and you, quite terrified, scurried your body back to lean against the couch arm rest, breathing heavily as Bill only burst into laughter and pointed at you, "You should have seen the look on your face!"

Your hand automatically went over your heart as you took a deep breath and closed your eyes, in some effort to calm down. Smacking your lips together, you clicked your tongue and looked away from him for a second, finding the words to express your annoyance.

Rubbing your eyes harshly, that's when you noticed that it was Bill floating in front of you. Not his human body, but his triangle outlined form - the same way he looked when you first met him.

You raised an eyebrow at him, "Wait, how are you- oh my God." You half screamed as your eyes trailed to the doorway, where Bill's body laid, his eyes hallowed out.

It looked like a legitimate corpse- it's mouth wide open, its soulless and limp display like... well... a puppet. Bill really has outdone himself this time and your top lip wavered, "W-what the hell did you do?!"

Bill's single eye trailed to the stiff and cold body laying on the ground in front of your room.

"Oh, that?" He pointed before flying over to it, attempting to kick it only to have his foot go through it, "Apparently these meat sacks need rest, so I figured if I just leave it for a while, I won't have to actually sleep."

You frowned, pinching the bridge of your nose. Despite his mental age, this had to be one of the stupidest logical fallacies he's ever displayed, "Bill, you still have to sleep in it. If you go back in it later, it's not going to be any less deprived of sleep than it was before. Your soul may not require the sleep, but the body does and it probably needs something to occupy it to really count as 'sleeping.'"

Bill didn't reply, but instead went back into Brendan's body, the hallow eye sockets filling with eyeballs and his skin brightening. He stood up, and dusted himself off. "Happy now?"

"Sure." You replied, letting your back hit the couch and pulling the blanket over your shoulder. "Now go away, I want to sleep some more."

"Aren't you forgetting doll? We have to go shopping for tomorrow's party! Remember the plan?" He squatted himself down in front of your body and lifted a hair strand away from your face, a gesture that made you swat away his hand.

You groaned, "Bill please, we can do that later. Just let me sl...." Your hand waving in his face caused him to gently grab your wrist and set it down, "Doll, I might just have to leave my body again if you don't get up right this second."

You sat up suddenly, "I'd rather die."

"Now that's the spirit!"

"Alright, you seem to know Gravity Falls more than I do. Where to?"

The two of you were stationed in the middle of the Gravity Falls town, with a variety of stores surrounding you. To be quite honest, it looked larger from the inside, especially with the escalators on either side of the mall indicating a second floor.

"Gravity Malls. But that place is disgusting. I don't want any old peasant streetwear. I want to look charming." Bill flashed a cheesy grin and shut his eyes, almost as if to imagine cloudy visions of paparazzi photographing him or something.

"Let me see what I have and what we can afford." You reluctantly pulled out your phone and removed three five dollar notes and a coin from its case pocket. "I have $17- nope, never mind. That is a chocolate coin."

"Think you can cover for me? I'm not very liquid right now." Bill turned his pockets inside out and a white moth flew out of it. That's how poor he was. You raised an eyebrow and blinked at him quizzically.

"What if I conjure something? I mean what good are these powers if I don't put them to use?"

Bill nodded, "As much as I hate to admit it, you are almost as strong as me, but that doesn't mean your fleshy body is." He pokes your side, "Think you're up to it, doll?"

"How hard can it be? It can't be that difficult." You stated, squirming away from his touch and looking up at him with your eyes wide.

"That's both cute and ignorant, sweets."

You laughed, shaking your head, "Well, I'm not even going so it shouldn't be a problem to only focus on your outfit."

Bill stopped and turned to you, grasping your shoulders dramatically, "What! I thought we had a mutual agreement! A deal, even."

You gently removed his hands from your shoulders and stared at him, "Bill... I don't know... I don't think it's a good idea using Old Man McGucket. I've heard he's a little wacko now. I don't doubt he's a nice man but I'm skeptical on how he could be of service to us."

"It's the best chance we've got! You do want this portal completed, don't you?"

"Yeah, but what am I going to say? 'Hey, can you help me assemble a portal leading to another dimension?'" You asked rhetorically in a dumb and mocking voice, Bill rolling your eyes at your lack of confidence in him.

"You need this just as much as I do, you just gotta confide in my ability to sway others. It worked on you, didn't it?"

"You KNOW that's not true. I only agreed because we both mutually benefit from ridding me of your insane powers." You walked ahead of him as the two of you strode through the double doors of Gravity Malls.

"That's how it always starts, doll. That's how it aaaaalways starts." He jogged a little to keep up with you and you only rolled your eyes at his mindless comments.

"Oh you shush," you put your hand on his face and pushed aside, Bill spluttering at your sudden contact to his delicate features, as he would call them.

"Hands off. Besides, I'll do the talking. I just want you to fancy up a little! You're too... high strung."

"So those are your true intentions." You bit your lip, "The whole thing just seems weird to me- it's not really my... scene. Usually it's me, my work and I. What the hell do I know about a masquerade ball? Which is, super old fashioned by the way." Waving your arms about, you ultimately stopped your movement outside of a store called 'Edgy on Purpose' and spun around for his reply.

"Come on, sugar?" He neared you, licking his top lip, "For me?" The new nickname made your eye twitch.

"You just gave me even more of a reason not to do it." Honestly, this whole event seemed really intriguing and maybe a little fun, but with your lack of sociability, you did not want to fumble, especially in front of Bill.

Bill groaned, rubbing his temples indecisively. Wow, he was the fed up one?

"Okay, then please? For you? You gotta live a little, ya know? Otherwise you'll never have those friends you always complain about not existing."

You groaned, eyes shut and in deep thought, crossing your arms and tilting your head to the side.

Maybe there's no harm in it.

"Letting that slide. But... alright. I'll go." Your lips were pulled taut into a straight line, but it was to hide the smile that you knew so well that Bill would eat up. Surprisingly, as soon as you uncrossed your arm, Bill grinned and pulled you into a hug, catching you, (and probably anyone, since its Bill) off guard. You tensed, your arms stiff and set on your sides. Honestly you would've hugged him back if you weren't so dumbfounded.

"You won't regret it." He said, suddenly realising what he was doing and pulling away, patting your back roughly and brushing off his shoulder. Had to be one of the most out of character actions from Bill, so much so that you questioned if maybe someone else had possessed this body for a second. He seemed more indulged in his own reaction to even begin to notice the warm glow emitting from your cheeks, something you slapped yourself in the face lightly for feeling.

"I-I hope so," you mustered weakly.

"Right, so because you're new to this, we should find ourselves a more basic version of our outfits. A base, if you will. Something that just matches the colour."

"Have anything in mind?" You questioned.

Bill tapped his chin in fake thought, "Tell me if you get the picture, doll." He suddenly grabbed the back of your head and pulled it towards his own, your foreheads just barely connecting. He shut his eyes, almost as if he was getting you to read his mind.

On cue, you felt an image manifest itself in your brain and as it grew clearer, you realised what it was. "Woah, that's kind of cool," you breathed, more about the mind connection than anything else.

Yellow, almost a gold shimmering tailcoat, with black sleeves, gloves and tailored pants. That was Bill's idea? Sure.

You cocked your head but didn't say anything particular about it, "Guess we'll need a yellow shirt and black jeans." The two of you walked into Edgy on Purpose and awkwardly went on the look out for what you needed.

After picking the two articles of clothing off of the nearest rack, Bill suddenly spun around, almost causing you to trip over, "What colour dress are you going for, doll?"

Right, you were attending too, you almost forgot. You shrugged, "I don't usually do this so I don't really know where to start. Any pointers?"

Bill scanned the store, eyes squinted before pausing. He walked over to a rack, pulled a summer dress off and held it up for you to see.

"How bout it, doll?" He waved the dress at you and wagged his eyebrows in a silly manner, seemingly proud of the choice he made upon seeing the broad grin forming on your face.

Your fingers rubbed at the end of the dress, feeling for the fabric's quality. "Wait- how did you know F/C was my favourite colour?"

"How did I know that you talk in your sleep?" Bill's own smile disappeared almost as fast as it appeared and he lowered the dress, "Who's Oliver?"

You gaped like a fish, "E-excuse me?"

One hand on his hip showed how much he was demanding an answer for someone who should not be in any place to be asking invasive questions, "You heard me, doll, who is this 'Oliver' character ?"

The phrasing of his question was enough to make you giggled but you relented with the pressing question of: how does he know about your ex?!

"Were you- did you- You watched me sleep!?"

"Yes. Who's Oliver?"

You turned away, both embarrassed and irritated, "No one, just an old flame."

Bill waved his hand up and down, as if to signal you to keep talking. You squinted your eyes, "I heard he lives here now, so I don't know... I was thinking about him for a bit. That's probably why I dreamed about him briefly."

Bill looked at you, very annoyed, "Why didn't you mention it before?"

You swung around, shocked that he would say that. "Why would I? It's not really something I would bring up. To be frank, I didn't think even you cared that much about my personal life unless it benefitted you. Am I wrong?"

Bill frowned, not knowing what to say.

The feeling bubbling up in your chest hurt a little, and you weren't sure if it was the sudden mention of Oliver's name all over again or Bill's reaction that made you feel so sick.

"It's not really an experience I'd like to detail again."

"My mistake, doll."

"Its... whatever, let me pay for these." You snatched the dress from his hand and walked a few metres to the cash register, leaving Bill stunned. He wiggled his fingers as his arm was bent and held close to his torso, unsure of how to approach you next.

You exhaled, passing your clothing items to the cashier. She looked at you slyly, "How long have you two been together?"

Your eyes shot up, clear contempt swirling within them, almost as if to challenge her to continue, "Sorry?"

The guilt would come later for how rude you were being, it just seemed like the world kept throwing hints at you about Bill– and you had no idea how to take it.

The cashier looked taken aback by the emotion in your pupils before she pushed her lips up in the direction of Bill, "Him. That man, you two were arguing about something. You just looked like you were a couple and I was going to offer a piece of advice."

"Urm, what makes you say that?" You asked, feeling slightly uncomfortable as you took out your money from your phone case.

The cashier trained her eyes on him, "The way he looks at you."

You turned around, only to make eye contact with Bill. His pursed lips turned in a smile. You immediately felt bad now for your previous reaction.

"Thanks." You mumbled, taking your bag with newly bought items, walking to Bill and dragging him by the hand.

Bill visibly brightened at this, "Getting touchy already?"

Weird. He said 'hands off' not long ago. I guess he doesn't like anything in his face.

Aaand you're overthinking again.

You shook your head dismissively, pressing your lips together, "No, the cashier was just... being weird." You let go of his hand at the mention of it, and wiped it against your coat.

Bill fake pouted.

"Let's go home. We've got some party outfits to make."

“The answer is yes, doll.”

“Hm?” You tweaked your head to catch Bill laying on the couch, book in hand. No idea where it came from, since it wasn’t yours- but he didn’t seem morally grounded enough to not commit petty theft, so you settled on that.

“You asked me earlier if I’ve had… that human contact.” He gave you a side glance.

Your eyes nearly bulged out of their head, “Oh-! But... but I thought you said you didn’t engage in human affairs. I guess, unless it benefits you?” You sat up from your own seat, shifting to make yourself comfortable for this conversation.

Seated where you were, you had been laying the newly bought clothes on the table and dressing them on a mannequin, with a lot of struggle.

Bill obviously didn't help, so it was mostly silent with the two of you basking in each other's company. That is, until Bill randomly spoke.

“I said I didn’t like to engage, not that I didn’t.” He snapped, shutting his book and mirroring you, staring across the room mindfully.

You watched his jaw clench, “You know, if the topic makes you uncomfortable, we don’t have to-“

“Don’t patronise me.”

You gulped, looking away and tucking your legs beneath your chest. Bill cast a glare towards you before sighing, “It wasn’t part of a deal, like you said. But I had to persuade some people my own way. Sometimes the situation called for it, and a demons’ gotta do what a demons’ gotta do.” You didn’t miss the glimpse he gave you to gauge your response and you tightened your lips.

“Well," you paused, "...It sounds like a very regrettable stage in your life.”

“It was- is. Having to associate with meat sacks in that manner, doll- it was torture. Not in the pleasant kind either. It was…” he wiggled his fingers, staring deeply at them like they held a secret.

“Wait, are we talking about the same thing? How… how far did you go?” The lump in your throat demonstrated how unfamiliar you found discussing a topic you weren't experienced in. Luckily, Bill was on the other spectrum- knowledge truly was a curse at times.

However, it was because you were inexperienced that hearing about a demon's own form of affection appeared so interesting.

“You know… the act where humans press their lips on each other? Just the very thought of it makes me want to flip myself inside out.” He was somewhat like a child- all this intimate conversation disgusted him.

“A kiss?”

“Gah, I know what it is, I’m not 1 billion.”

“Well what else do you want me to call it? Because that’s what it is- it’s kissing. Generally it’s not that unpleasant, so I think you might’ve just been kissing the wrong people.” You crossed your arms, ignoring the nudge in your skull saying, What do you know? You've only kissed like two guys. Not even.

“What? And you know?” He sounded disgusted, and you furrowed your brows, sulking.

“Uh, yeah- I’m human?”

“Right right, sorry doll. I had forgotten you and Oliver probably got it on many times over.” He air quotes you with his fingers, a resentful scowl growing on his face.

The mention of his name again in a private setting versus a public one like the mall made you unbelievably upset, “Hey- don’t… don’t say that.”

“Look what this stupid vessel is doing to me. I’m becoming more human! I'm... feeling... things. It's dreadful." Bill stared at you, like you were the source of his problems, "Doll, all the more reason to hurry this up so we can go our separate ways." He suddenly stood up and began to leave the room, riling up your emotions more, "Hey! Running away never solved anything! It's cowardly!" You bit your lip, regretting that last part.

He stopped walking and eerily turned his head over at you, "Not wanting to engage in pathetic chatter with a proletarian isn't cowardly. It's self preserving."

You stared at him, amazed at his sudden cruelty while he just scoffed and continued to walk away. A sigh escaped your lips. With Bill? It's always 3 steps forward and 10 million microsteps back. He brought up the topic too!!

Progress with Bill was almost impossible, but to say you hadn't seen a change in his behaviour towards you for the past few days, would've been a total lie. Now it looks like that had all unravelled. What had happened? What did you do wrong? Maybe he was right, maybe he was turning more human. You hoped it wasn't something that ignited from you.

Maybe that's why he surprised you when you were napping with his translucent form. He tried to cover up his reasoning with his twisted humour in seeing you frightened at the corpse-like appearance of Brendan laying on the floor, hollow and lifeless.

Bill knew you were going to see it at one point so he might as well have called attention to it himself and explained it.

It meant-

It meant that that little sneak was lying. He didn't leave Brendan's body so he didn't have to sleep in it. He's not stupid- Bill should know that leaving a body doesn't suddenly make it replenish itself.

Suddenly, it occurred to you why.

He left it because he could feel himself becoming more human.

So he was trying to spend some time in his normal default form because he probably felt himself getting carried away with his mind conforming to how a human brain thinks.

To how a human brain feels.

He probably felt scared. Embarrassed, even. He was changing into something he wasn't comfortable with.

Bill was slowly becoming more and more human, and you weren't what you could do about it.

taglist: @spilled-mi1k | @crystalsdoodles | @kenryug | @bones-baggins

If you want to be removed or added to my taglist, send me a pm for which story!

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[birdybirdnerd]

Do you have any hcs for your stanarrator? :D In somewhere else and orbiting bodies! I just finished reading both and was curious, I love hearing authors thoughts, no pressure to answer hehe ^^

oh man ive got so many its not even funny holy shit. gonna put these under a cut bc i can talk for days

so im not gonna go super into like. serious headcanons for somewhere else stanarrator because honestly a lot of it is plot relevant and i dont wanna spoil too much about whats upcoming, but ill happily dump a bunch of fluff for them before moving onto orbiting bodies bc honestly theyre two Completely different creatures

idk if im gonna go into it in the story but i consider somewhere else nar to be agender! he chose the body he did just bc it felt right, but has no strong opinions on how hes referred to. in the game hes referred to himself as an 'it' before, and so prior to his humanization that was all he was. might have him play around with gender presentation later on, especially if i can have him and micah bond more since theyre also a flavor of nonbinary, but ive already got enough bonding shit between the boys and the seguras that i might save it for a side-story oneshot thing, idk

stanleys love language is listening and acts of service. narrators is gifts and words of affirmation (if he can ever get over himself and also learn what Feelings (tm) are)

aksdjfs so one of my most popular posts is about nar getting into tabletop games to work on his control issues and not to spoil anything but... that is exactly whats gonna happen at some point. that post was literally me rambling out of context abt story planning, its hilarious to me it escaped containment. but yeah one of his problems is letting a story develop naturally, letting the characters do their own thing and seeing where it goes; he gets so mired in the details of the plot, that he forces the characters into doing actions that would be considered out of character, just to keep things moving along the way he thinks they should. in the parable, where he was god and stanley was the only player, it was easier for him to railroad and thats one area where bitterness cropped up. in the real world, with multiple players playing their own characters and no real power over their fates? itd be good for him to be able to tell a story collaboratively, to indulge in what he loves and was essentially made for, without it messing him up or him messing others up through it

nar is the epitome of britishness at first glance. except. he cannot drink black tea. the tannins give him a headache, he discovers to stanleys endless delight. stanley meanwhile is so immune to tannins he can chug black espresso straight and its horrifying for everyone to witness thank you for coming to my ted talk

alright and now for orbiting bodies :>

first off, im saying this here and now, and im gonna try my damndest to work it into the next installment whenever that comes out but this version of stanarrator isnt romantic and wont be. we need more aros that fuck, and while theyre undoubtedly important to each other, you can be close and intimate without it being romantic in nature. so yeah fuck your best friend go crazy its fun

blame royce for sticking this phrase into my lexicon but these two are absolutely constantly engaged in a rabid switch fight. i mean have you HEARD the countdown monologue? yeah orbiting bodies narrator is sub as fuck but this man Will dominate stanley at some point. very soon ehehehe

also, since nar was the one that made his own body, he has full modding capabilities over it. this means he can make it look and act entirely how he wants to, including messing with the parts of it and swapping them out. this is a surprise tool that will help us later

oh oh and sort of tangentially related to that: while he obviously does feel everything thats done to his vessel and experiences things from it from a first person pov, its not Him. doodlingbot had a similar thing crop up in their blogs canon, but what im talking about boils down to this: if anything were to happen to the body, like, say, it getting pushed off the cargo lift, thats not the end of things lmao. at any point nar can sever his connection to the body, including severing specific things like physical sensation. then its just a matter of loading it back in, good as new and then proceed to smack stanley good for being a little shit lmao

anyways yeah. im not good with headcanons that arent plot relevant but have fun! might add more on later if i think of them :>

[grink]

whatever!!!!!! ive had enough i hate my job i hate the social game with my coworkers i hate having pots i hate being nauseous constantly every day i hate working i hate keeping track of money i hate making food i hate eating i hate the headaches i hate the computer i hate the phone i hate people expecting a single thing from me because i will only ever disappoint i hate all the unknown social rules no one ever tells you i hate feeling othered in every possible situation i hate feeling like im showing up every day with my shirt on backwards and nobody tells me anything and everyone else just figures it all out on their own while i grow more and more isolated i hate that every community ive ever been a part of has been ruined by this capitalist need for attention and all musicians and artists are small business owners with brands to sell and of course i dont blame them for doing what they have to do to survive but i hate that they have to do it i hate that the only free thing to do is watch people selling their brand on youtube tiktok instagram twitter even on tumblr the competition for attention is everywhere everyone is a brand i swear ill never be happy til i have no job no obligations no need to eat food or drink water nobody to impress i just wanna be left alone to sleep all day im so exhausted im in tears i need help and i dont belong anywhere!!!!!!!!!!! this is what it means to be human

[santigarcia]

fly away with you

an ezra x reader fic~

rating: m for smut; virgin reader; some violence 

word count: 6,780

summary: Waking  up with no memory after a head injury, you find yourself in the presence of your rescuer - a handsome stranger named Ezra. 

a/n: I AM SO SORRY i’ve had this fic like...finished but i just never got around to posting it. i had it broken up in chapters, but i just decided to post them all here w/ breaks to signify where the chapter would have ended. (im also adding the first two parts - so if anything seems familiar this is why!) 

Ringing. There’s a loud ringing in your ears. Your vision is blurry, and that ringing won’t stop. You can’t hear anything else, and you’re not sure what you’re seeing. The color brown and green seem to blur together. What happened? Did you hit your head?

Reaching up to touch your temple, you feel wet. Your hair having been matted down with something sticky. Pulling your hand away, you look at it. Not that it does any good because your vision is still blurred. But there’s enough red on your fingertips to know it is blood.

Suddenly you smell it, your blood. And dirt. And earth.

Something else is mixed in, maybe smoke? Something in the air is foul.

The air.

You panic. Where’s your helmet? How long have you been breathing in this air? It’s the air you smell that’s foul. What if it’s toxic? Frantically you try to get up, but you can barely get your legs under you. You’re still too dizzy.

When your vision finally clears, you see your helmet on the ground next to you. There’s a large crack leading to a hole. Shards are everywhere. Some have blood on them, and you assume this is where your head injury is from. But upon further inspection, you see blood on the rock nearest you.

What happened?

It’s still foggy, but you try and retrace your steps from the day.

You had been with your cousin, whose whereabouts now you have no idea. It wasn’t even your choice to come along. But he claimed that your hands were the steadiest, and you’d be best for the harvesting. You had no idea what he was even talking about. You only agreed because your home world is the last place you want to be right now. And hey, he said he’d pay you so why not?

The ship ride over was a nightmare. It was smooth sailing quite frankly, but you’ve never been a fan of space travel. You like it on the ground. Though at the present moment the ground is covered in your blood, what a day it’s been. And you can barely remember it.

You do remember harvesting a couple of those things, you can’t even think to remember what your cousin called them. It wasn’t easy but it wasn’t hard either. You did just fine.

You also remember some arguing? Something was happening? There were these other people?

It’s starting to come back to you, but this air is getting to you. How long have you been walking? Are you even going in the right direction? You feel dizzy again and things are starting to spiral.

Then everything goes black.

A voice this time brings you out of your stupor. You can’t make out what they’re saying, but you can make out it’s a male voice. It’s not your cousin, this voice has a thick accent.

You blink several times to clear your vision again, and you take in your surroundings and this stranger.

First you notice you’re inside laying on a cot of some sort. Everything in the room is an olive green. An ugly yellow light shines overhead. It’s very dim. The space is small, it seems to be a large tent. There’s medical supplies and strange photographs on the wall. Where is this?

The man is sitting near you in a metal folding chair. He’s got no choice but to sit close to you, there’s not any room in this area.

He’s in a suit not unlike your own. His face is kind. His voice is deep, but nonthreatening. Light scruff dusts his cheeks and jaw, and his eyes are pleasant. There’s a small blond streak in his brown hair. And a haggard scar on his cheek. His kind eyes and kind smile almost seem out of place next to that scar.

He’s still talking, but you can’t make out what he’s saying. He’s gesturing with his hand. Just one. It’s only then you realize he’s missing his right arm. You feel dizzy again. What if this man is dangerous? Or did he just lose that arm in some accident?

You reach up to touch your temple again, and you feel cloth. A bandage has been wrapped around your head. And you notice, other than a slight headache, you’re not in any pain.

“Where am I?” you wonder aloud. Your throat is so dry your voice croaks.

“At last, the lady is with us!” the man speaks and this time you understand him. His voice sounds nice. That accent is so strong. “Alas, I must admit, I myself do not know where this is. But I was out and about on my harvest when I saw you lyin’ unconscious on the ground. You were gaspin’ for air. So, I took it upon myself to bring you to shelter and here we are.” he gestures with his arm while he looks around the room. That ugly yellow light shines on his face, and suddenly the light is not so ugly on his tan skin.

“Thank you,” you tell him sitting up a little. You’re still feeling dizzy, but you feel safe. “What happened?” you think aloud again. And where is your cousin?

“I heard what sounded like gunfire off in the distance,” he explains, “that’s how I came to find you.”

“I was with my cousin; did you see anyone?”

“I am afraid I only saw some bodies, miss. You were the only one I saw alive.”

Your cousin, and whoever attacked you must have been near where you first woke up. But in your daze, you started walking and missed the bodies entirely.

You were warned this was dangerous work. Sniffling, you wipe your nose with the back of your hand. Grief and shock are setting in. Your cousin is gone, and your harvest.

“I’m stuck here,” you whisper.

“Nonsense,” the man smiles, it’s a warm smile. He seems so kind. You want to trust him. You may have no other choice. “I could not in good conscience leave you behind. You have suffered a mighty fine wound to your noggin, and your poor lungs have breathed in this nasty shit air we got around here.”

He is talking so fast that you can barely keep up.

“Now, I’m sure you’re a-wonderin’ if you can trust me. And right now, little birdie, I’m all you’ve got.”

In any other situation, if a stranger called you a pet name, you might recoil. But he says things so casually, you don’t feel any malice or perversion behind it.

“You can help me harvest, and I can get you outta here. There is my offer plain and simple. You can surely decline, but if your cousin is gone, my condolences. And you have no way to get home.”

Home. You don’t want to go home. You don’t want to stay here, but you don’t want to go home.

“What’s that?” he leans forward, his eyes squinting. He’s trying to hear; you didn’t realize you’ve just said that out loud. “Where are you from?”

“Zulara,” you mumble.

He winces, clenching his teeth, “I do not blame you one bit for not wantin’ to head on back to that planet. I am currently residin’ on Anvarvis V, and I’d be glad to take you along with me.”

You sit for a moment weighing your options. You’ve heard good things about Anvarvis V. or was it IV?

“We’ll split the harvest 50/50?” you ask.

He nods.

“Ok. It’s a deal,” you nod and stick out your hand.

“Alright,” he grins. “I’m Ezra, what can I call you?”

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 And that’s how you began a partnership with Ezra. You worked well together. Tuns out you were really good at the harvesting part, and Ezra’s wit and charm made him a good salesman. He brokered deals and sold the product you’d harvested for a lot of money.

You’ve been so busy; you’ve not even gone to his home planet yet. But somehow you liked this life with him. There’s space enough of his ship for you, and you quite enjoy his company.

Truth be told you enjoy his company more and more each passing day. Your cheeks warm now when he calls you “little bird.” Your heart leaps into your throat if he ever touches you.

That first week with him he touched you a lot. Yes, okay he was checking the bandage on your head, but his fingers would graze skin and he was standing so close to you.

That’s when it first started you think. Being so close, seeing his soft lips surrounded by a dark stubble. His gentle brown eyes looking over your wound.

Maybe you were just lonely. Or maybe it was sharing such a small space with your rescuer. But you had a crush that only seemed to grow.

It started to suffocate you being so close to him and not being his.

The two of you fell into a natural routine and you grew accustomed to seeing him shirtless. That first time seeing him without a shirt almost sent you over. You ached to touch his olive skin. He looked so warm. You had to force yourself not to stare.

He thought you were looking at his right shoulder, where his arm used to be. And he began to ramble on about how it happened. You were embarrassed because that’s not what you were looking at, but you listened to his story all the same. He was opening up to you.

Ezra has the gift of gab, and he talks nonstop. But if you ever have anything to say, he listens with a deep interest. You’ve never felt so heard before. He never talks over you. His constant talking if often stories or little tidbits of trivia, but after that night of him opening up about his arm, things changed.

He was almost always in a good mood, but when he couldn’t complete a task due to his arm, he’d be a little grumpy and frustrated. But after telling you what happened, he let you help him without protest.

Maybe he got the feeling he could trust you back.

“Thank you, little bird,” he always said. And the last time he said it, you know he saw your cheeks turn red.

You figure at some point he’ll ask, or you’ll admit your feelings. You’re not sure which, but both options scare you. You’ve never done this before.

Back at home, you spent most of your life in school or working. There was no time for relationships, as much as you wanted one. You read stories of lovers, you kept them hidden under your mattress. The want was there, but no experience to fulfill that big question in your mind of what it’s like.

What it feels like to be loved by someone, to be held. You always were a little shy about the sexual parts of the book, yet those were the parts you couldn’t tear your eyes away from.

“What are you thinking about over there?” Ezra’s voice cuts in. A deep blush stains your cheeks. You’d been remembering of a story you’d read where a man pleasures a woman with his mouth. You look at Ezra’s mouth and feel your stomach drop and pray he can’t read your mind.

“Nothing,” you chirp at being caught.

“From that look on your face, I’m gonna wager a gamble and say it’s definitely something clanking around in that head.”

Scrambling, you try to think of anything to change the subject. He’s watching you squirm, and he’s delighted in it. Maybe it won’t be too hard after all to tell him if he can already see it.

“When’s the next sell?” you ask, nibbling the skin off your bottom lip.

“Pretty soon,” he replies. “I will head out soon. Won’t be gone long. Will you be alright to wait here until I make a triumphant return?” he grins.

You nod, returning his smile. You feel a heat pooling in between your legs. You shift a little in your seat trying to relieve the pressure. As soon as he’s gone, you’ll do something about it.

Two nights ago, you touched yourself thinking of him. That was the first time. You’d seen his bare ass when he was exiting the shower area. He had to have known you might see, and you couldn’t decide which thought thrilled you more. But the image of him naked was seared into your mind. And that night while he slept soundly, you touched yourself - wishing it were him.

You’d come up with a dirty fantasy, one you will play out again as soon as he leaves. And he can’t leave soon enough.

Normally, you’d go with him. But this buyer is a familiar one and can be trusted. You’re not worried about Ezra taking care of himself in a fight. He’s been in plenty of a scrap or two.

But if you’re honest, your brain is so clouded with the thought of getting a release you’re not worried about him in the slightest.

The thought passes in your mind you don’t know how long he’ll be gone, so you elect to leave your pants on. You lay down on your bed in your little corner of the ship.

The main hanger is around room, your beds are on opposite walls but still in the same room. So, you can see his bed from yours, and you consider going over to his bed, but you’ve already got your hand down your pants thinking about him on your bed.

You begin to tease yourself and you’re already wet from your own imagination. You think of him naked. What he looks like from the front. What he must look like when he’s hard for you. You think of his lips, and how his hand feels. What they must feel like on sensitive skin. You think of his stubble scraping your thighs. How good his long thick fingers would feel like inside of you. How he’d be gentle taking you for the first time.

Your thighs shake and you clench around your fingers wishing it were him.

The release hits you hard, and you gasp. It echoes through the ship. Your breathing is heavy but beginning to calm, when suddenly you hear:

“Well hello there little birdie!”

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 Horror floods through your veins and your heart is pounding in your head. You’re still coming down from your high, while fear spikes within you. Your eyes are wide, and you’re frozen staring at him. Your mouth is hanging open, and his mouth is curved in a playful smirk. 

When tears begin to fall from your eyes, his expression softens completely. 

“Little bird, I-,” he sticks his hand out trying to demonstrate he didn’t mean to embarrass you, but it’s too late. Tears pouring down your cheeks you run into the bathroom chamber and push the button to close the door harshly. It hisses loudly, and the moment it closes you sink to the floor. Cheeks red with embarrassment. 

In those books you’ve read, maybe the character wouldn’t have cared. And would have let the man know what she was doing. But this just isn’t how you wanted this to happen. As much as you do want Ezra to know you want him. The shock of the moment startled you. 

Ezra outside in the main hangar is uncharacteristically quiet. You can hear him rummaging around. From the sound of it, he’s taking off the bulky outer suit. It takes him a moment since he only has the help of one arm. 

He’ll be sitting down on his bunk and unfasten the clips and zippers. He grits his teeth sometimes, other times he bites his lower lip. You tease him about the different faces he makes when he’s concentrating on something. 

Deciding to clear your mind further, you turn on the shower. For a moment you hope he doesn’t need to take one after being outside, but you imagine he’s letting you have your space for a moment. 

While you shower, you try to decide what you’re even going to say. 

“Hi Ezra, I was touching myself thinking about you.” 

Well. That might not be a bad way to start. But that feeling of nerves hits your gut. What if he doesn’t want you back? What if he does want you? 

You mull this over in your mind and wash yourself clean. Normally the thought of being naked in here while he’s out there has sent you a thrill. Now you’re even more aware of him. 

You decide you do want him. But you don’t know where to start. Him seeing you is one way to break the ice. 

Gathering your courage, you wrap a towel around yourself and exit the bathroom into the main hanger. Your eyes fix upon him, and every nerve is on fire. 

As expected, he’d changed out of his suit. He’s sitting on his cot in comfortable pants, a worn black Henley, and some socks. His hair is sweaty, but it’s sticking up in multiple directions from obviously running a hand through it. His right arm sleeve is tied in a knot near his shoulder to stay out of his way. He’s got something propped up on his left knee, and he’s practicing his hand strength with his left hand. He pauses when he sees you, he doesn’t speak. 

He’s waiting for you to say something first. He can read the terror in your eyes as you step closer. Giving you full attention, he frees his hand, and watches you approach him slowly. 

When you’re right in front of his spread legs, he reaches out a hand to grab yours. 

“You doin’ alright there little bird? You are tremblin’ like a leaf on a tree with strong winds blowin’ every which way.” 

You open your mouth trying to think of what to say. You’d forgotten your entire plan you’d cooked up in the shower. Now that you’re here in front of him and he’s looking at you with those soft eyes, your mind is blank. 

You almost wonder if you should just drop the towel and climb on him, but you can’t help but want some romancing. 

“Say what’s on your mind little bird, I see the wheels turning in your head.” 

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” is all you can think to say. But are you sorry? You don’t know what’s going on. 

“I’m not,” he grins, but the grin softens, and his eyes are gentle. He stands and presses his palm to your cheek. Shaking a little from the touch, you lean into his hand. “But I am sorry that my presence startled you so, and that I saw such an intimate act without your permission. I admit I was only present for the uh, grand finale as it were, but on my honor, I will not speak of this again if you would prefer it.” 

Your cheeks darkened as he spoke, and you can see the look in his eyes. It’s a gentle attraction. 

“I-” you start but only blush deeper under his gentle gaze. His eyes are big, he’s listening intently. 

“I understand your profound embarrassment, but there is nothing to be ashamed of seeking a fine release such as that. If I may say little bird, I’m only sorry I was not the one to give it to you.” 

Your eyes widen at the last sentence. You swallow hard. 

This is it. 

“You want me?”

“I do little bird. I have for a quite a spell now. You are, simply put, the sweetest thing I have ever had the pleasure to know, and you have brought a light into my dark life I did not know I was needin’.” 

His hand is still on your face, his thumb brushes you bottom lip. 

“I want you too,” you give him a shy smile which he returns, “only I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

“You surely seemed to know a few moments ago,” he winks. 

“Ezra,” you groan and bury your face in his shoulder. 

“My sincerest apologies,” he teases, “I already broke my promise.” 

He’s trying to make you laugh, which it does. And the two of you share a moment of laughter before you pull back to look up at him again. 

“I’m serious though, Ezra. I don’t know how to do this. I’ve never-”

“Never what?” he repeats, thumb rubbing your flushed cheeks. 

“I’ve never even been kissed,” you tell him. 

“Well, little bird. It would seem the honor has been bestowed to me to teach you the lovely ways of liplockin’.” 

“What do I do?” you whisper, which he seems to find amusing. 

“You know something, I have never once been in situation quite like this in my lifetime.” 

That coaxes a smile from you, and you’re already feeling relaxed. 

“I can’t say that I have either,” you laugh. 

“First step, is to close those pretty little eyes of yours.” 

You close your eyes, and smile, you trust him. You think back to when you met him all those weeks ago when he saved your life. You certainly didn’t imagine this happening then. 

“Now, tilt your head just a little,” he pushes a little with his hand guiding you. “And open that mouth of yours, just a smidge.” He pushes down your bottom lip with his thumb. 

His voice stops, and you feel his breath on your face. He smells like mint and sweat. You decide it’s a good smell. 

You feel the tip of his nose first press against the top of your cheek. Then his lips gently press against yours. His tongue just barely touches your lips. His stubbly chin and upper lip scrape on your skin in a way you didn’t know you’d love this much. His hand holds your face gently, and what he doesn’t say, or can’t say during this kiss, is he wishes he could wrap his other arm around you. 

Your knees buckle, and you let go of the towel that’d you’d been holding on to so tight and mold your body to his. A strong thigh is in between your legs, your hands cup his face and you pull away gasping. Your heart is fluttering.

He’s slow to open his eyes, the smile splits his face before his eyelids even flutter open. 

“Now that,” he licks his lips, “was simply divine.” He leans in and places a couple quick pecks to your lips getting a laugh from you. 

You take a step back, and the towel is going to fall. And you were going to let it. But much to your surprise, his hand stops it by pressing his hand against your chest, keeping the cloth from exposing you to him. 

“Hold on now,” he breathes. “That little heart that’s fluttering under my hand has surely had enough excitement for one day. And as much as I would love to see that body of yours, I am not wanting to take you to bed in this dirty old ship. I would rather take you home. Since I am unfortunately missing a tool of the trade, I am not experienced in taking lovers into my bed with ol’ lefty here. It’ll be a learning experience for us both little bird. You alright with that?” 

You nod, putting your hand over his on your chest. 

“Then let’s get you home.” 

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 Your head is pounding, and you can see him. Your cousin. It’s like you’re on the outside looking in. You see the clearing of trees and two men with your cousin. It’s a standoff, everyone is frozen. There you hear a sharp crack somewhere in the woods, causing the men to take fire. One man shoots your cousin, the other steals the harvest from your cousin’s dead hands. Then that man is shot, he killed his own partner and took the harvest from his hands. He turned around to face you, and you saw his face. 

It was Ezra. 

With a sharp gasp, you jolt awake. Sweat is on your brow, your heart is racing, and you feel sick to your stomach. Panic sets in because you can’t remember where you are. 

Looking around you realize that you’re home, with Ezra. 

After your kiss with him, he got the ship ready and punched in the coordinates to head home. His home, but now it would be yours. You expressed to him your apprehension of space travel, and he took down the med pack to give you a medicine to calm your nerves. 

“Fear of flying is not uncommon,” he’d told you warmly with a kiss on your cheek. 

After the flight and landing, he gave you another medicine to help your lungs adjust to the air of this planet. 

You were so nervous, but full of excitement! You have a new home with this wonderful soul. 

The planet is gorgeous. The ship landed out the outskirts of the city. It’s nighttime so you can see it’s all lit up, and it’s blue. Every light is a twinkling blue. 

“It’s beautiful!” you’d gasped. Ezra was proud to show you his home. 

He was not originally from this planet; this is where he lives now when he isn’t prospecting. 

He owns a small house is near the outskirts. He could afford a city apartment if he wanted, but he preferred living out away from the hustle and bustle of city life. He likes his view of the trees from his living room, which are also blue. 

His house is humble. One bedroom, one bathroom, a quaint kitchen, a small table, and a sitting area. The shelves and walls are covered in artifacts and trinkets from other world’s he’s visited. You love it. It feels like a lived-in home. 

“We will have to share this bed unless you want me to take the couch?” Ezra tells you when you collapse onto his bed. It’s been too long a day with all the space travel. 

“I don’t mind,” you tell him, and he grins easily. 

“No gettin’ to business tonight little bird. I gotta rest, you do too.” 

You nod, you’re too tired for that. Though if he wanted to, you wouldn’t have said no. 

You fell asleep that night with his body close to yours. 

He’s still close by when you wake up from your dream. 

“Little bird?” he asks waking up, rubbing his eyes with his hand. “You alright?” 

You scramble out of the bed to get away from him. Your heart is beating so fast. 

“It was YOU,” you gasp, tears are beginning to fall. 

“Me? Birdie, I do not have a damn idea what on this planet you are referring to.” 

“You shot and killed my cousin! I saw it in my dream!!”

He sits up and tries to calm you down. 

“Little birdie-”

“Stop calling me that!” you cry. You hug your arms around your waist. 

“Look at me. Look at my face.” He waits til you look at him, there’s no joke or smile on his face. His eyes are wide, and you can tell he’s upset you’re upset. “I did not kill him. I didn’t even have my gun with me when I found the bodies.” 

You think back to when you first met him, and what you can remember from then, he didn’t have a gun on him. 

“But it looked so real,” you sniffle. 

“I had hoped this would not happen to you, but one of the side effects of the medicine I had given you is nightmares. You’re on a new planet, in a new place. It would not be a surprise to me if you had weird dreams. Now as to your cousin, I do not think you will ever uncover the mystery of his death. I can recall to you what I saw again if it will ease your mind.” 

You sniffle again and nod. 

He tells you what he remembers, and you do trust him. But that dream still felt so real. 

You had been finishing up a harvest when your cousin went to look for another. Your memory is hazy after that. 

Ezra fills in the gaps based on what he saw. He’d seen two bodies; one was your cousin and then another man. Your harvest was gone, and there were footsteps leading in another direction. Ezra, not wanting to get into it with this guy, went the opposite way. Which is when he found your shattered helmet and blood. He followed your footprints which led him to you. 

“So, I killed my cousin,” you bury your face in your hands, sitting down on the bed. 

“You are making less and less sense,” his eyebrows crease. 

“You said there was a large branch and I must have tripped, so me tripping sounded the alarm causing the gunfire to go off,” you being to cry into your hands. 

Ezra scoots closer to you to wrap and arm around you. He holds you close to him and kisses your hair while he shushes you. 

“That was a whole tricky situation and no one’s fault. I have been in a sticky situation like that before and it would seem that people who are trigger happy need no cue to fire away. You are not at fault. Besides, if all this had not occurred, I might not have met the love of my life.” 

You look up from your hands, tears still in your eyes. 

“What?” 

“You heard what I said,” he kisses the shell of your ear. 

Crying now tears of joy, you throw your arms around his neck and kiss all over his face. He topples backwards, laughing the whole way down. 

“I love you too,” you say between kisses. “I’m sorry I accused you of murder,” you laugh. 

He laughs, rolling over so he’s on top of you. He kisses your face and dries your tears. You start to writhe under him when you feel him beginning to harden on your thigh. 

“What do you say to some breakfast and then we come back to this bed huh?” 

Feeling a little bold, you reach down to cup him through his sleep pants. He gasps out in surprise and buries his face in the crook of your neck. 

“Why leave?” you ask, unsure of what to do, but you like touching him. You continue to, until your stomach rumbles loudly. He raises an eyebrow teasing you, even though you still have your hand around his cock. “Fine,” you laugh, “breakfast first.” 

 XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 While Ezra makes breakfast, you look around your new home. Since the house is small and his voice carries, you ask him questions about different objects, and he rambles on from the kitchen.

There are photographs of him when he was younger, those are your favorites. You’re looking at one particular photograph, when he had both arms and no blond streak. He looked like a completely different person.

Your thoughts are torn away when you hear him call your name.

“Could you reach that spice for me off the shelf?” His one hand is too busy to stop and reach. “Just set it down on the counter there,” he nods. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” you smile and wrap your arms around him from behind. Kissing his cheek, he hums. “I’m sorry I’m acting so strange, I think I’m a little nervous,” you admit kissing his shoulder blade.

“Well birdie, it is no small feat to be joined in a union with another person in such an intimate fashion, especially when one is not experienced. It is a lovely thing but can be an overwhelmin’ experience. I am glad to assist and ease the knot in your belly of nerves.”

“I love the way you talk,” you smile kissing his shoulder again.

“And I quite love the way you are holdin’ me right now.”

“I’m sorry again about this morning. I’m sure that’s not the morning you had in mind.”

“No to worry. Grief and change do a wonder on your mind. I know that from losing my arm.”

“Tell me how you got that blond streak in your hair,” you murmur and lean your cheek against his shoulder.

“Now that is an interesting story!” One of which he tells for the rest of the morning. And when he’s done, you’re still not sure what exactly happened. But you laughed and all but forgot about the nerves in the pit of your stomach.

So much so that when he stands and reaches out his hand for you, you’re not sure what he’s doing.

“You ready?” he asks, motioning his head toward the bedroom. Your heart skips, but you nod, yes.

He leads you back into his room, and has you sit down on the bed. He moves around the room setting the mood. First, he pushes a button on the wall that lowers the curtains, dimming the room. He closes the door behind him and sits next to you on the bed.

“How does this work?” you ask a little timid, but very eager.

“Lay back,” he tells you. He lays down on top of you and begins to kiss your face and your lips. Anywhere his lips can kiss, he kisses. Your cheeks, your ears, your eyelids even. The tip of your nose.

Then he moves to your neck and chin and jaw. He adds some bites to your neck, and sucks on your clavicle.

“Can I?” he asks tugging on the hem of your shirt. You nod, and with his help, you pull it off exposing chest to him now. You swallow, feeling a little shy watching him eye your breasts.

You’ve never seen him so speechless. Instead of talking, he puts his mouth to use and suckles your perked nipple into his mouth. His hand cups your other breast and thumbs over your nipple. When you gasp, he sucks harder and pinches his fingers harder. Your hands fly to his hair and you pull. He growls a little and you feel slick between your legs.

“Ezra?” you whine. Your breast is shiny with his saliva, and there’s a sting left behind from his teeth and grit from his facial hair.

“What do you need birdie?” He murmurs into you flesh. His hand smoothing down your skin and gliding over your tummy and to the waistband of your pants.

“Ezra wait,” you gasp.

“Are my ministrations too fast for your likin’?” he questions, lips dragging along your stomach. He’s trying to make you laugh again, or at least relax you further.

“I-” you pause.

“It’s ok,” he smiles and kisses your tummy. “Help me?” he says tugging on your pants a little. You help him push your pants and underwear down, and you watch in equal parts arousal and embarrassment as he sees you.

He touches a pointer finger to your entrance, touching the slick gathered there. He dips inside and you arch your back feeling the drag of his finger inside. His thumb brushes your clit and you jolt.

“Now remember, I am not as well practiced with my left, so you’ll have to excuse any inexperience on my part, though I do know how to please a lady.”

“Ezra!” is all you can think to say when he slides a second finger in.

“But as it seems, you’re enjoying this regardless. That’s good,” he smiles and presses a loud kiss to your thigh. He doesn’t stop the toying with your clit. Even after you hit that first high and come around his fingers. He keeps going. Teasing you just a little more. “You are doin’ so well my girl,” he purrs.

He looks up at you when he pulls his hand away, his grin is pure lovesick. Your eyes are hazy from the high you’ve just been given, and there’s still more to come.

“I want just one more from you before we get down to it alright?” He tells you. He’s working his way up the bed, and you’re not sure what he’s doing. He pulls the pillows together, and he flops down on his back, his head on the pillows. “Alright little bird, c’mere,” he says and taps his chin.

Taking his meaning with heat covering your body, you climb up and carefully lower yourself onto his face. His tongue and mouth ready to accept your heat. You groan in unison as he makes the first lick. You’re still so sensitive from before, but wow it feels good.

Oh.

This is really good.

His mouth, of course, of course his mouth is as skilled in pleasure as it is in talking. His tongue moves expertly on your flesh as if he’s done this to you a million times. You’re coming on his tongue in mere minutes.

His arm is tight around you, and you buck against him as you come down.

His eyes open, and he looks up at you, he’s quite pleased with himself.

“Now if this isn’t the best view a man could have then I don’t know what is,” he smiles, his eyes lingering on your breasts for a beat, then back up to your face.

Carefully, on wobbly legs, you lay down on the bed, and Ezra works to take off his pants. You lean up to look at him, he’s on his knees now, naked. He’s stroking himself lazily, getting ready for you.

“Can I?” you sit up reaching for him.

“Be my guest,” he reassures, and you wrap your fingers around him. He winces and groans a little. “It has been far too long since I’ve been held but someone other than my own hand.”

He feels nice, and you have the desire to keep moving your hand until he finds his high. But he pushes your hand away.

“I do appreciate the eagerness, but if you keep that up, we won’t get to all the fun. Lay down for me alright?”

You do as he asks, and he pauses for a moment. He’s thinking.

When he gets the idea, you see it come across his face with a little “oh!” and a grin. He lays down on top of you, you’re chest to chest.

“Little birdie, I need you to wrap your legs around me? Got it?” You nod and do as he asks. From this position you can feel the tip of him at your entrance. Putting his weight on you for a moment, he reaches down between your bodies and lines himself up with you. “There might be a little bit of a pinch, but we’ll work ya through it alright?”

You nod again, and he pushes inside. He moves his hand back up to smooth your hair out of your face. He moves slowly, watching your face, kissing you more to get you relaxed. Once he’s fully inside, he waits.

He gives you a moment to breathe, then when you give the ok, he moves. His arm is up by your head now, keeping him from putting his whole weight on you and giving him some leverage. His thrusts are steady, and your body moves with him, gasping each time he hits that spot in you.

“It pains me that I cannot reach down to tease that lovely pussy of yours, but birdie, you gotta touch yourself for me. Can you do that?”

You slip your hand between your bodies and touch yourself in rhythm with his thrusts.

“Good girl,” he coaxes. “Don’t stop,” he tells you nibbling your ear. And you don’t. You keep going until you feel the high approaching. When it hits you, he’s not far behind. His cock twitches and pulses, and he comes deep inside you.

Exhaustion hits him and he puts more of his weight on you. Now with a free hand, he pushes your hand away and touches your clit again just to touch you a little one more time. That touch has you jolt, and he laughs darkly in your neck.

“Ezra?”

“Mmm?” he looks up at you, and you start to smooth his hair back.

“Can we do this again? Tonight?” you bite your lip.

“Hmm,” he pretends to think. “I’ll have to think about it.”

“Ezra!” you laugh and playfully hit his chest.

“Okie,” he shrugs and begins to blow raspberries on your chest.

You stay with him then, tangled in the sheets all morning. And all afternoon, and into the evening. You can barely keep your hands off one another. And there’s not much desire to go prospecting any time soon, not when you’ve discovered something much richer in each other.

xx

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[prissypickle]

Im having an awful night. I had a breakdown and I showed it on my insta story. I got a letter in the mail saying my primary care left and she has been the only doctor I’ve ever had that understood me. Im 342 pounds and you know how most doctors blame EVERYTHING on weight even a headache. Well she doesn’t. She only blames things that are actually caused by weight. I went to see my gyno the other day. They said “well you could get these constant yeast infections... because you’re overweight” which isn’t how yeast infections work. She understands me. She has pcos too. She gets things done. I got released from the hospital from asthma from Oregon smoke fires and she immediately put me on preventative asthma medications. My back hurt from tearing my muscles in my chest and back. She gave me muscle relaxers heat and advil. Another doctor would say “lose weight” I was throwing up everytime I was eating. She had me get an ultrasound then sent me to a hepatologist, I had bowl issues boom wrote a refferl. Other doctors ive had it wouldve taken me months of complaining for them to get them to do something for me. Also I’m eligible for weight loss surgery for health reasons and I just needed a referral. But I know I won’t get it from another doctor. It’s impossible for me to lose weight with all the medications im on. The pcos. The endometriosis. Its just impossible. The most i can lose is 10 pounds. I wont ever find another doctor like her again and it just hurts. What hurts worse is I was talking to my mom because I was in a crisis and she literally started talking to my sister in the middle of when I was crying and talking to her. Its just been a real rough night. Im gonna head to bed because I don’t really wanna talk to anyone so goodnight 💜

[sup4l3e]

I’m Crazy...

I’m insane...

I've lost the plot..

I'm hopeless..

I'm worthless..

I'm unloveable..

I'm pathetic..

I'm weird..

I'm strange..

I'm not okay...

I'm a psycho... (ok this one for me might be true... question it, go on try it! i dare you! ;0 lol)

BUT...

I AM!!!

Those are just some of the things my own mind tells me on a daily basis ... yes here it comes a blog about anxiety and depression... omg!! i know right the cliche of it all. like who hasnt written a blog about depression before ...

oh woe is me! am i right?

well... thats where you're wrong!

(before i start i want no sympathy im not writing this for the "aww's" and the "bless her" comments, i dont want sympathy or empathy ... this is simply because ive experienced and lived with depression for about 14 years and if i can help one person feel better about themselves by reading this or help someone realise that they are not alone then, well, i can rest easy tonight. If anything i want to empower people)

I lived for so many years in the dark, keeping all of this too myself and you know what it did? absolutely sweet FA apart from making me so much worse, it gave ammunition to those little voices, telling me all of the above, making them win!

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago that talking about my experiences and how im feeling would help.

i didnt realise until about 2-3 years ago how many other people around me were going through the EXACT same thing.

Two and a half years ago i was a completely different person, i was sheltered, i was in a very toxic relationship ... with myself. Most people would disagree, they'd say i was actually in a toxic relationship with my ex partner; but i cant blame him. Dont get me wrong he was toxic and looking back i was lucky to get out when i did, however i am also grateful too him, because he showed me exactly what i dont want in my life. and being fair to him i'd lived with my own toxicity in my mind for a good 10 years before him, so god forbid i'd give him the satisfaction of all that praise coz by god did i do a damned good number on myself without any of his help. ;)

In all honestly though, i do blame myself and my own mind, because 2 and a half years ago those little voices in my own head were the only thing i was listening to, they were winning. I wasnt listening to my family who were worried sick about me, who were practically begging me to tell them what was going on in my head, who i shut out, ignored and pushed away because i couldnt cope and you know what? they didnt deserve that at all. i live everyday regretting that i put them through that, So i now live everyday hoping to make them proud of me and live each and everyday with a promise. I do however live every day regretting that i didnt let them in earlier because if i had of i wouldnt have gone through the hell i did and i wouldnt have genuinely believed "this is what i deserve" "no-one else will love you" "no-one else wants you" "no-one cares"... i wouldnt have had too live a LIE.

The lie was people did love me, i just couldnt see it, people did care about me, i just wouldnt hear it, i needed their help, i just wouldnt speak it; because at that point in time my own mind was telling me that i didnt deserve any of that, and that nobody would ever want to do that for me. So i found sactuary in a toxic person who in the long run made me the strong person i am today because if it werent for him i'd never have the confidence in myself knowing what i overcame, and if it werent for him i wouldnt have seen my family and loved ones take charge and say "Leanne enough is enough" .. they gave me the metaphorical slap across the face i damned well needed and brought me back to reality, they categorically wouldnt allow that behaviour to carry on anymore and for that i will forever be grateful!

i made a promise to them that day that i would always tell them when i was getting low again and i made a promise to myself that day that i would keep them in the forefront of my mind in all of my decisions and i would also promise to try and help anyone else who was ever in the same position i was in.

depression is a funny old thing, everyone will experience some form of depression throughout their life, some people are genetically wired to experience it, some people will experience it from a young age, some dont experience it until very late on in life, some experience it from sad/happy/overwhelming life events, some unlucky souls just never find happiness. but no matter what EVERYONE will, at somepoint experience depression. in this blog im going to try and explain how i've learned to manage and cope with mine.

A bit of a backstory of my depression, it started around the age of 14-15, my depression. I dont know where it came from but it was right around the time of my GCSE's, college, boys, hormones, and being diagnosed with PCOS (for those of you who dont know what that is its Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) i was told at a young age of 14 that i had some sort of syndrome which "would only matter when i got older", and that i had some of the prettiest ovaries the sonographer and gyneacologist had ever seen... in hindsight that wasnt going to be the compliment i first thought it was or the dismissive statement they portrayed it and brushed it off as, at all! THAT diagnosis changed alot of my life, however i will get back to that.

As most teens do around here I started studying for my GCSE's at just 15 years old. i was so stressed out i started actually hearing a screaming voice in my head. i suffered panic attacks daily, sometimes a few attacks a day, and that is where my anxiety started and then, good old depression smashed me in the face. i found the more stressed i became, the more id hear that screaming inside my head which then lead me to thinking " holy fucking shitballs im hearing voices im actually insane" therefore leading to more anxiety and panic attacks. so much so i would come home exhausted at 4pm everyday crawl into my pyjamas and climb into bed ready to do it all again the following day. (dont get me wrong i sat most nights on msn using the latest flashing emojis for EACH and EVERY letter of the alphabet, to the point it looked more like hyroglyphics and obviously getting the colours just right with the codes to make your name and status show in a rainbow. but that was all done in pj's curled up in bed because i couldnt manage much else ... however, if my mam asks i was revising and doing my homework THE. WHOLE. TIME, not talking to my friends about how hot a certain crush's bum looked that day ha! am i right! :P xoxo)

This was all a massive thing for me to go through aswell, due to the fact my dad has mental health issues and lives with schizophrenia, so, naturally at this point, you can imagine i was picturing myself in padlocked straight jackets and padded cells, talking away to the screaming voice in my head. the funniest thing was this screaming voice wasnt saying anything nasty or bad it was just my thoughts screaming at me like everything was angry, so genuinely just everyday life thoughts but those screaming at me, like, imagine thinking "leanne dont forget to pack your PE kit" but in the voice of Gunnery Sergeant Hartman from Full Metal Jacket... it. was. TERRIFYING!

Anyways, so yes high school was a massive contributor, then i made the choice to leave college at 17 because i, like many others, didnt have the faintest clue what i wanted to be when i grew up (little did i know id live the life of peter pan and neverland would be my sesh house OIOI!!!) In leaving college i went into full time work, as a 'temp job' until i decided what i was going to do... unfortunately, 8 and a half years later i was still their prisoner! haha, Nah, dont get me wrong i met some absolutely amazing people in that job and i did love it but i knew at the end, if i didnt get out it was going to kill me off. I'd gotten to the point in that job that i cried myself to sleep knowing i had to go back in the next day. that place contributed alot to my depression not because it was a bad job but because id made a wrong decision and was stuck there. i had to leave.

my next massive contributor, and this is where i divulge some of my REAL heartbreaks. PCOS - Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome or what i like to call Poly fucking Cystic fucking Ovary fucking Syndrome or "lets just fuck shit up!" (no im not bitter about it at all lol) because of this shit, from the very young age of 14 (like puberty isnt hard enough - spots, hair in places you never wanted boobs growing overnight, bleeding once a month being the biggest inconvenience) i have also had to deal with weight issues, hersuitism, depression, anxiety, hormones that sent me bat shit crazy, pain, headaches, fatigue, you name it i had it. but the biggest heartbreak, being told that id always have difficulty concieving and carrying a child. Anyone who knows me, and knows me well, knows i have always wanted to be a mam. (and not the sesh mam who looks after all my drunken idiotic friends on a night out ... coz i swear thats all they ever think i do lol) I mean a real mam, to a real baby. and being told at a young age that i had the prettiest ovaries the gyneacologist had ever seen wasnt the compliment i thought it was because it turned out my ovaries were absolutely covered in cysts. And for years i have tried to have a baby but alas nothing ever happens. i've had a few close calls and ive miscarried, or at least i think i did, the test came back positive but then about 3 days after that pretty pink second line, i had the heaviest period i had ever had for around 4 hours and then my body went back to normal as if nothing happened. it broke my heart.

They say the human body is delicate and intricate and should be treated with respect... i say its a machine and its a absolute twat at times, and why should i respect what in essence has caused me heartbreak from a young age FOR NO FUCKING REASON. but hey ho... life. goes. on.

so... thats my life story or just a snippet of it. and some of the reasons why i have depression.

heres how i cope...

Well, for a long time.. and i mean a VERY LONG time i didnt. i hid it, i hid away from the world. i drank alot. i avoided family, i avoided my best friends, i avoided anything that would have brought me back to reality.

For a long time though, thats what i needed. now im not saying running away from your issues is easy and thats what you should do because its definitely not. im saying i NEEDED to do it at the time because i had no other way of coping and i NEEDED too to learn what not to do in the future. So masking, for me, was better than facing things 'alone'. In that time though, i made my issues alot worse and in fact caused more issues. it hurt my family, my friends and well hurt myself too, because in the long run i still had to sober up and i still had to deal with the same issues that got me down in the first place, i ended up in debt which contributed further too my issues. I did some very silly things which when i look back on them now i could have hurt so many people. i took an overdose of painkillers at one point around 2 and a half years ago. I felt so weak i saw no other outcome but instantly regretted doing it and made myself sick so that they came back up. i've told my mother and close friends about this previously but i think to really show how much i've learned and to reach out to anyone who is feeling the same way i did, to tell them IT REALLY DOES GET BETTER AND EASIER. i think saying that, shows my honesty throughout this post and allows for my experience and honesty really show that i want to help anyone going through the same thing.

Masking just makes the pain go away for a short period of time. learning from your pain and making it your strength is how you really overcome your own mind and depression.

It wasnt until i realised i was never alone, just how selfish and stupid id been all that time, because in masking, hiding and running away, id stupidly stopped myself from a faster recovery, less heartache, less pain and mental and physical torture. and really i stopped myself from helping others in the same position as me.

it wasnt until i learned to make my pain my strength that i truly found peace in who i am.

i still have days where those voices wont shut up, and they win and thats ok.

i still have days where i cannot climb out of bed and thats ok.

i still have days where i cry and the pain is too much and thats ok.

because i learned all of it really is ok! everyone has those same thoughts the same feelings the same illnesses. and i know that tomorrow WILL be a better day.

you just need to learn how to make it and own it as your own!

nothing has changed for me, all of those things are still true they're still real, my body hasnt miraculously healed itself, i still made poor life choices, it hasnt changed my hormonal imbalances but it has changed my mindset. it has changed my life. i made a choice to change my mindset and not let it beat me i decided to let people in. my family are my guardian angels because they never gave up on me, they dragged it out of me and frogmarched me to the doctors for the help i needed but some people dont have that support in their lives.

i'm lucky enough now, to have lived with this for long enough to know my signs, and when i know what i call, "going dark" is coming. basically when i start slipping and losing control of it again, i identify it and know how to manage it head on. unfortunately my body because of the stupid "intricate machine" i have and how broken it is (believe me the day i can swap out into an AI robot body imma sign straight up for that shit imma have me a body like Jennifer Anniston) my body however tends to go into a meltdown, i end up with more migraines, pain and infections. i also get extremely tired to the point i can sleep for a good 15-20 hours a day and thats not me being lazy (although if sleeping were an olympic sport i'd be the universal champion of it BED=LIFE) thats really me needing to reset. at that point in time when i know this is coming, thats when i reach out; i tell my friends and my family "I'm not okay" because i know now i can do that, i can talk to them.

i, personally, take medication daily, and for some reason we live in a society where people are actually shamed for doing so. i know if i dont take those 2 little tablets every day i will lose control and become a shell of who i really am. my seratonin levels drop and i practically become a robot barely functioning. so why should i be ashamed of those 2 little 'happy pills' which make me the person i want to be and know i truly am! no chemical imbalance is going to get the better of me! if i can have the help, im damned sure going to take it. along with the happy pills, aswell as alot of sleep, sunbeds, spending time with family and friends whenever i possibly can, i now have a job that i love, i also retrained as a beautician, and i love going to the gym and swimming whenever i can, ive found i can manage mine alot better. one thing that massively changed my life was limitting when i drink. i rarely go out drinking anymore and the reason is because i know deep down i will end up in a very low state afterwards. alcohol is a depressant and i wont allow that kind of thing to get me down. so now instead i choose to drink once a month if not less. i havent cut out the drink completely i just know if i want to get blinding drunk i need to be in a very happy place to do so. so i am careful where i drink, who i drink with and what i do whilst im drinking and unfortunately much to my neighbours disgust that tends to be in the house whilst singing along to whitney houston or disney songs at the top of my lungs, but thats how i know i'll not plummet the day after, and lets face it anyone whose heard me singing knows whitney had nothing on me ;)

In all seriousness though, the best advice i can give anyone living with depression is talk to someone, talk to your family, talk to your neighbour, talk to your friends, talk to your doctor, talk to your dog, your cat, the postman, the man on the bus who sits oddly close too you... just talk to anyone. tell them how you are feeling tell them your experiences. tell them what is getting to you. Find someone who you can trust, find a stranger. write it all down in a blog. video it. GET IT ALL OFF YOUR CHEST! SAY IT OUT LOUD! Just. Bloody. Talk! please!

everyones experiences with depression are different some people mask it, some people show it, some people (like me now) shout it from the fucking rooftops because im not afraid of my emotions anymore.

everyones ways of coping are different too, some people find the gym helps, some rely on medication, some rely on talking therapies... there are so many different ways of coping out there now... the only way that doesnt work is not admitting something is wrong and fighting your own mind without help, knowing something isnt right but still doing nothing about it. The only way of not coping is living a lie, you dont have to do this alone!

Basically do those things just for you, the ones you've always wanted to do! get that tattoo you wanted, quit your job, retrain, change your hair colour, buy that car, buy that dog, book that holiday.

do what makes YOU happy!

live for you and open up, people would rather know how you are feeling than see you struggle or ultimately not be here.

open up you never know someone might be feeling the exact same way you are and it could bring you closer.

but remember most importantly:

You ARE NOT Alone..

You ARE NOT Crazy..

You ARE NOT insane..

You HAVE NOT lost the plot..

You ARE NOT hopeless..

You ARE NOT worthless..

You ARE NOT unloveable..

You ARE NOT pathetic..

You ARE NOT weird..

You ARE NOT a psycho..

You ARE NOT strange..

And..

You ARE okay...

You ARE Beautiful..

You ARE Worth it..

YOU ARE Loved

i hope this helps...

thank you ☺

[snakeeyedfangs]

Body Dysmorphia and family involvement.

I need to vent. Im so tired.

Man do I wish my mom would listen and remember to not shame her shape and ask me for thoughts on her (dysmorphic image) she has of her own body. Pinching the skin on her arms, saying she doesnt know how she got this fat, pinching at her stomach (with virtually no fat and if she did it still wouldnt matter.) Walking around my room half naked or fully naked knowing I have such a bad reaction to it. Having to see her younger boyfriends family this weekend to go light fireworks and worrying that she looks bloated and not fit. How she only thinks about dieting when she has to be seen soon but then shames herself day in and day out with cheat meals or not eating at all and drinking till shes in bed for days blaming bloat and headaches on something out of her control. I hate that Ive become someones journal. I hate she keeps doing this after Ive starved myself and she encourages me to do so. Because thats a low carb pro, and that any way I try to live diet wise that isnt low carb is seen and received with disgust and an aggressive response. So I cant make her happy unless Im starving myself, why is it so normal for her to blame her body when its her mind that needs the work. So many times Ive listened to these same things and not once has she tried to change it healthily. I get its because shes insecure and hurting but Ive never lived a day of my life I liked even a single part of myself and she had the time of her life when she was my age. I hear her views of herself every day, at the same time I hear her say how much we are alike. Im so disgusted with myself to the point I have only kept two people in my life because Im petrified of people from my past seeing me and seeing I never could lose all the weight. I pass up so many opportunities because I never feel comfortable in my heart or my skin. This is so sad so toxic and Im tired. I dont know if Ill ever feel comfortable being loved. I feel so completely stuck and horrible.

•To everyone that goes through body dysmorphia with parents or siblings that encouraged the mindset, Im with you and I hear you. Try to allow yourself to take pictures and enjoy your life.

Every time I look back on body check photos Id disguise as photo memories with friends, I think I look fine, fully knowing how badly I thought I looked then.

Try to think of yourself now how you would in 6 months time reflecting back. You would be kind to yourself, so you should be now too.

[linumlena]

im so mad at my mother and her boyfriend

i have to temporarily live them and in the meantime they went out to meet with a group of over 10 friends, against all common sense

and take a wild fucking guess what happened

now we are all stuck inside

none of us cant taste or smell anything

mother went through a rough fever

ive been feeling pretty awful for the past four days, all of my joints and muscles hurt just constantly

im scared of developing breathing problems

constant dry cough and headache

im so mad at this, so so so mad - had they not gone there, none of us would be here now, sick like dogs

ive been doing so well, following all the rules, doing everything right

all it took was that one idiotic meeting that they just fucking had to go to

if it was me who has made a mistake, i would have just swallowed it and just felt stupid, but it wasnt even my fault

if this evolves into some permanent health problems, im going to blame them for the rest of eternity, i swear to fucking god

[michaelmyersmalewife]

LEVIATHAN | 15. Epilogue | MASTERLIST

words: 3k+

A/N: and there it is :') im still in shock that the second ever fic i finished is fuxjcking about godzilla of all things (and clocking in at about 80k+ words in total, it’s the longest thing ive written so that’s fitting i guess) but ngl, i had the most fun writing it and i actually felt motivated and even excited to start a new chapter ?? and it feels almost a little weird to see it end; anyway, it always feels nice to finish a project ur passionate about, no matter how self indulgent it is

you can also support this fic on wattpad & ao3

Jodie adjusted the mic on Dr. Graham's blazer.

It had been a long time since she had seen her so nervous, not since the mass awakening. But she couldn't blame her. She tried giving her a reassuring smile, but the woman was staring just past her shoulder, at the wall behind them.

"Uh, Dr. Graham?" Coleman cleared his throat as his head peeked through the door. "You're on in about in a minute."

Vivienne snapped to attention almost immediately, and Jodie stepped away. The doctor wrung her hands as she took a deep breath, taking a tentative step towards the door.

It was a big day, one that could potentially take a step toward mending Monarch's relations with the government and the public alike. Or, it could just make it worse. Jodie already felt her heart thunder in her chest, the start of a headache forming in the back of her head. She had suspected the oncoming barrage of conferences and hearings and the like after Boston, but she didn't think it would happen this soon.

"You got this, Viv." she punctuated with a thumbs-up.

The smallest of smiles appeared on her face before she turned away. Taking a deep breath, Dr. Graham stepped through the door, and in the brief moment before it closed Jodie could see the flashing of camera lights illuminate her form. Now, all she could do was wait.

Sitting down at one of the tables in the small, rectangular room, she pulled out her tablet from her bag. Things had been so hectic - what with being tasked with co-running the Monarch archive that Sam had created - that she barely had any time to catch up with her usual journalistic endeavors. She scrolled through the influx of newsletters that had flooded her inbox over the past couple weeks. It was odd, suddenly seeing 'deforestation halts across the globe', '14th species to be taken off the endangered list', and 'coral reefs restored' among other things. The general public was still unsure about titans as a whole, but their importance was undeniable.

Suddenly, she could hear Vivienne's muffled voice from just beyond the door.

"The Rise of the Titans was an unspeakable tragedy, one that we may never truly recover from. And while we've done all we can to track and contain the ones that were released, we have confirmed that they've begun to retreat to their natural habitats on their own. But it seems that is only the beginning. We believe that there are more titans to be discovered, ones that Ghidorah's call was not able to reach."

There was a massive uproar after that, but Jodie drowned them out. Or, tried to at least. Just then, a notification popped up at the top of the tablet's screen. It was a video call - from China's Yunnan Province. Opening it without hesitation, a livestream filled the screen.

It was Gill. Jodie had been waiting in anticipation for the stream to start, as she was just as excited as the rest of the expedition team for the trek into Mothra's temple. Though, Gill probably had her beat in that aspect.

The feed crackled every now and then, the soft fuzz of radiation seeping through the camera. It was dimly lit, but a fair amount of what looked like a tunnel was illuminated by a handful flashlight beams. It looked like they were walking down a spiral staircase, if those stairs had been carved straight out of the earth. Every now and then they would pass by tall, wide pillars. Just ahead of Gill's point of view were two figures leading the expedition.

In the background, just behind the door, the rabble died down and Graham continued with her speech.

"Which is why Monarch is currently developing a more effective means of dealing with the titans that will potentially..inevitably..wake in the coming years. More effective than our current containment facilities. Now, these plans are still in early development but we will make sure to provide you with regular updates as the project progresses. Which leads me to our next point,"

They had been walking for a while now. And every now and then someone would speak, but their voices would be difficult to make out. Just how far down had they gone?

Suddenly, the static on the camera spiked, filling the screen for a brief second before stabilizing. The feed was still fuzzy, but Jodie could tell they had entered a large chamber. As the flashlights fanned out, Gill's camera swept through the chamber.

There was a raised dais in the center of the room, and on either side were impossibly massive statues. They were identical, and they both depicted women standing almost protectively, their arms splayed out, pointing to something between them. Something massive.

Gill and the two figures that had remained ahead of her approached the object, while the others continued inspecting the rest of the room. One of the figures turned around, looking at Gill with raised eyebrows. It was Chen, and it wasn't too out of the question to assume the person by her side was her sister Ling.

They both pointed their flashlights at the object.

"As of now, Monarch will be operating with full transparency. In accordance with the United Nations, 60 years worth of our documentation regarding titans will be freely available to the public. And with each new discovery, there will be no more secrets. No more hiding. In a post-Godzilla world our mission was to provide a means of defense against every titan we uncovered. And now we believe that staying informed is the greatest defense of all."

Gill's camera was facing downward now, glancing at the EKG monitor in her hand. It was steady, but every other few seconds she could hear the beep of a heartbeat. The object on the massive platform was alive. Jodie felt a wave of chills rush down her spine.

Gill and the twins focused their flashlights onto the object, condensing into one beam. Jodie suppressed a gasp as she realized what the object was.

It was an egg, a giant egg about the size of two buses stacked on top of each other. It was a dull blue and yellow, with light white-ish spots accenting the striped pattern. She heard Gill laugh, unbelieving of the find. She turned to face the twins, and they had each lay a hand on the egg, staring up at it with the lightest of smiles on their faces.

Covering her bases, Jodie thought to herself. She couldn't help but smile along with them.

"We hope that with this new development, we can navigate this new era not just together, but with the titans as well."

_____

Darkness.

She couldn't tell if the void she was in was the size of a crawlspace or the entire universe. But what she did know was that it was pitch black, and it was cold.

She took a step forward, but found that she was frozen. She tried to wriggle her fingers, kick her legs, anything that would allow her the slightest of movement, but it was all futile. Elena could do nothing but silently scream into the abyss, the deafening silence threatening to push at the fabric of her mind.

She was about ready to give up her struggle until she heard it. The laughter.

That same lilting cackle.

It kept echoing throughout the space, three separate sounds melting into something so loud she thought her eardrums would pop. She wasn't sure if she was screaming or sobbing, but she had to find a way out.

Get out get out stop laughing let me OUT -

Elena shot up in bed, eyes wide and tear stains trailing down her cheeks. That was the third time that month where she had "The Dream", as she had been referring to it as. With a shaky hand, she wiped the drying trails away with her palms, quietly looking around her room. It was cold, and the blanket was so warm, but yet she rubbed the sleep from her eyes, brows creasing in annoyance as she reached for the alarm that blared in her ears.

She lay there in the stiff bed for a moment, face half-buried in her pillow as she stared ahead in the dimly lit room. There was an ache in her bones that had never quite left her since the battle of Boston, and some days it wasn't anything more than a dull stiffness that would soon fade as the day went on. But there were others where it spread anywhere it could reach, seeping into her limbs and leaving her wanting to never get out of bed again. Today was one of those days.

For all its inconveniences, she couldn't hate the feeling - not completely. She liked to think of it as proof that she was alive. But that didn't mean it wasn't a bitch to deal with.

Eventually, she knew she would have to drag herself up and out unless she wanted someone knocking at her door, so she did. Swinging her legs over the mattress, she pushed herself up, shuffling to the bathroom. Brushing her teeth, the lukewarm water hitting her face in the shower - it all felt hazy through the sheet of grogginess that still clouded her mind. It wasn't until she looked at the time while getting dressed that she finally snapped back to reality.

Grumbling to herself, she shot out into the hall of Castle Bravo's living quarters, messily tying her hair back in a ponytail as she walked.

It wouldn't have taken her so long to reach the command center had she not decided to stop by the mess hall, picking up a cold bagel and a cup of black coffee. Discreetly popping a painkiller in her mouth, she took a swig out of the cup, walking over to the figures standing in front of an array of controls.

"Well, it's about time." Dr. Stanton said, glancing over his shoulder before returning to his screen, staring intently at the steady beeping that came from the monitor. "Tall, dark, and atomic over here isn't the most patient of lizards, you know."

Elena made no comment save for a roll of the eyes as she ambled over to the front of the room, approaching the wide window that took up half of the wall. Godzilla was just on the other side, multiple drones flagging him like remoras with their floodlights trained on his form. He didn't look particularly upset, but he didn't look too happy either. It was hard to tell with him sometimes. But he seemed to be in a good mood nonetheless, or about as good a mood as the newly crowned "king" could be. But that was likely due in part to the minuscule figure just ahead of her.

Sitting cross-legged on the floor was Madison.

She looked up, giving her a quick wave and a small smile. Elena gave her a friendly nod, crossing her arms and trying not to look directly at the titan as she leaned against the window. Elena wasn't too keen on being around the titan even now, but the child had insisted she be there to 'send him off'.

"Am I interrupting?" she asked.

The girl shook her head. "Nah, he's gonna leave in a little while anyway."

She nearly sighed from relief. "Busy schedule, huh?"

"I guess," Madison shrugged. "Says he's got somewhere to be."

Not too far away from them was a large, mobile screen. Hooked up to it with a handful of thick wires was a familiar device. The ORCA 2.0's soft humming thrummed throughout the control room as a series of words appeared on the screen.

> YOU MAKE IT SOUND SO CASUAL

Madison snorted. "I'm sure whatever you need to do isn't as dramatic as you say it is."

> IF ALL GOES WELL

> THEN HOPEFULLY IT WON'T BE

Elena slightly raised a brow, but she decided not to ask any questions. Since Boston, her fear of the lizard had significantly faded, but she still found herself on edge whenever she was around him, no matter how much Madison reassured her.

"You won't be gone long, right?"

> YOU WORRY TOO MUCH

> TINY SPEAKER

Madison grinned sheepishly at the comment. Smiles like those were rare for her. From her mother's detainment to her father insisting she be given a "proper" education outside of Monarch's programs, Elena suspected the time she spent using the new and improved ORCA were moments of relief. It almost reminded her of..her. Or at least a long lost version of herself.

In that moment, Godzilla's eyes wandered from the girl over to Elena. She felt herself stiffen, but the lizard himself didn't seem to notice. At least, he didn't make it obvious that he did. Instead he let out a snort, a trail of bubbles fluttering above him. Madison had tried coaxing her into talking to him, even to say a simple 'hello'. But she wasn't sure if she was ready, not yet.

> I'LL SEE YOU

> WHEN I SEE YOU

As he began to turn around, Madison waved him off. Elena simply watched, taking a bite out of the bagel still in her hand. With a strong whip of his tail, he shot away from the base. The drones around him returned to their stations, and the ORCA 2.0 quieted as its translation feed shut off automatically.

"Where did he say he was going anyway?" Elena asked as she watched the titan disappear into the blue.

Madison stood up, smoothing out the jacket that had bunched up behind her. In a voice that was all too calm, she answered.

"Skull Island."

_____

Mateo led the men clad in black uniforms down the dimly lit corridor.

Despite their seemingly calm demeanor, they made him nervous, what with their heavy boots and steely gazes. None of them were talkers by any means, but that wasn't what made them seem..off. It was something in the way they acted, the way they spoke that unnerved him. It's not that they didn't act human, it's that they were trying too hard to be. That was especially true for the man that he assumed was their leader. Mateo had known people like him before, hungry for power no matter the cost. He didn't ask many questions, for at this point he just wanted their deal to be over and done with. Despite how uneasy they made him, he couldn't back out now. They were the ones that had approached him, after all.

And even if he could refuse them, it wouldn't have made much of a difference. The world had been changed forever. Much of his family and friends were either dead or scattered around the world due to the mass evacuations held just mere months before. He hated remembering it, how he could have been there for his family.

He had happened to be out at sea when Rodan woke from his slumber deep beneath the island's volcano, and he had been near enough to witness the drop of a bomb that left the waters lifeless. And during Ghidorah's storm, he had managed to make it to shelter. When it was all over, not many of his old relations were left. But he still had his boat and his fishing gear, even though they hadn't served much of a purpose since then. The island's seas were barren, and all the fish that had been killed during the bomb were poisoned.

But somehow, luck had been with him. He had made a good catch, and the strange men had come to pay him for it. Or they would just kill him and take it without a word.

They didn't look like any of the military folk he had ever seen, but they had a similar air to them. And in his experience, that usually did not bode well. But he had run out of choices, and he couldn't do much other than continue to lead them further down the warehouse.

"It's a brave new world, my friend." he told the leader with the calmest tone he could manage. "Such things as this have become much more valuable since the rise of the king."

The leader said nothing. Mateo swallowed nervously.

"Took nine fishing boats to raise it," he continued. "My men, they don't ask for much. Just enough to help their families."

Finally, he saw the entrance to the room where their prize lay.

"Can't fish here anymore..everything's dead."

As they reached the open warehouse space, he saw his men waiting to the side. They all seemed just as uneasy as him. But not because of the swarm of men behind him, but by the source of the stench of death that permeated throughout the room.

He flipped on the lights, and prayed that it was what they were looking for. His coworkers stepped away from it, recoiling as if it could strike them at any moment.

Even in death, covered in seaweed and barnacles, his once golden scales dulled by decay, Ghidorah's head was still terrifying. He had seen it happen, when Godzilla tore it off with his bare teeth and dropped it in the sea just before the bomb hit. He didn't have the slightest idea as to why these strangers payed him and his men to fish it out, but he knew - vaguely - how much titan parts ran on the market. He refused to dabble in that sort of thing, as something about it made him feel wrong. But evidently, whatever they were planning to do with it, the leader had no such qualms.

The leader stepped into the light, walking so close that he was able to touch the creature. As the white-haired man placed a hand on its slimy, rotting flesh, he stared up at it with an unsettling expression. His eyes were as placid as a lake, almost expressionless, and yet he was smiling. But there was nothing denoting happiness in that smile. It was the sort that his father used to call la sonrisa del diablo.

For the first time since his arrival, the man spoke.

"We'll take it."