#tws incorrect quotes

[zb1bies]

jeonghan: We're having a baby.

tws: Oh, congratu-

seungkwan, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

or respectively..

jeonghan: We're having a baby.

enhypen: Oh, congratu-

seungkwan and hoshi, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred gets sick of Bruce breaking and losing stuff on patrol so he gets a label maker and starts naming items after the kids

Alfred: I got you a new phone, just like you asked. Its name is Jason. Try not to let it die.

Bruce, tearing up: Why would you say that—

[p1nkshield]

Damian: Todd prepare. I’m going to kill you!

Jason: you can try but it probably won’t stick!

Bruce: what is this about?

Jason: I sent baby pictures of knife child to the robins group chat.

Damian: WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THOSE TODD?!?

Jason: If I wanted something I would bribe Talia with them.

Damian: what? LIES! NEITHER OF MY PARENTS WOULD STOOP TO SUCH A LEVEL RIGHT FATHER?

Bruce: …

Damian: father?

Bruce:… how much?

Damian: FATHER?!?

Bruce: name your price!

Damian: NO!

[secretidentie]

Tim for literally no reason: Hey Jason do yk where I can get some cocaine

Jason: Why tf do you need cocaine

Tim: I'm a teenage CEO why tf do you think I need cocaine

Jason: Fair enough. But I'm still not selling you cocaine

Tim: Why not? I just want to hang out with the other young finance bros

Jason: Hey dick head, tell your brother I'm not giving him cocaine

Dick: Tim are you okay? do you want to talk about this??

Tim: Uhg I'm fine. You're the one ones who said I should stop drinking coffee

Jason: and you thought this was a good alternative???

Tim: Come on I'll only do a little

Dick: Is this coz we spoiled the ending of wolf of Wallstreet

Tim: Why can't I just have some? You do!

Jason: No I don't

Tim: You're a crime lord

Dick: Yeah isn't it like part of the job

Jason: WHAT NO Stereotype much. I've never even seen cocaine up close

Tim: YOU'RE A CRIME LORD

Jason: Yeah not a drug dealer THERE'S A DIFFERENCE

Tim: I should have known your not cool enough to have drug dealer connections

Jason: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA BUY A FUCK TON OF COCAINE AND DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU JUST TO RUB IT IN

Dick: Woah woah that's enough both of you. No one in this house is doing drugs. If anyone talks about cocaine again I'll tell Bruce you said you want to start a new crack epidemic. He'll make you sit in at strangers AA meetings and read through old case files of ex dealers and their autopsies. Don't. TEST. me.

Tim: ............

Jason: ............

Tim: Can you sell me meth?

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests?

Tim: Death penalty.

Dick: Tim, it was just a parking ticket-

Tim, leaning into the mic: Please kill me.

[bertieorangy]

MC, peacefully cooking dinner : (◜〰◝)

Sylus, already regretting what he’s about to do :

Sylus : Bitch, what’s for dinner

[The peaceful atmosphere dropped]

MC : ..grilled cheese..

Sylus : . . .

[Sylus hands MC the loaded gun, before kneeling down]

Sylus : Just shoot me to end my suffering, please. I don’t deserve your forgiveness.

MC : Sylus—

[frownyalfred]

Tim, interrupting one of Two-Face’s long-ass monologues: --just stop being a cunt, okay?

Two-Face: and I — excuse me?

Tim:

Two-Face:

Tim, crossing his arms: wassup?

[incorrect-batfam-quotes-mostly]

Tim: this sucks, I'm gonna-

Tim: *remembers Dick said s*icide jokes aren't good for him*

Tim: be the best detective this town has ever seen

[midnightsunnyday]

Lucifer: What a wonderful end to a perfect evening.

MC: I agree. I had a lot of fun with you tonight, Lucifer.

Lucifer: I'm glad to hear it. Though perhaps we should continue said "fun" in my room?

MC: That's ok, I'm feeling a bit tired anyway, so I'll head on back.

Lucifer: No, what I meant was we should allow ourselves to get further acquainted...alone...in my room.

MC: Oh, Lucifer, I already spend plenty of time alone with you. No need to get possessive.

Lucifer: That's not what I...look, what I'm saying is I'd like to know you more intimately, preferably without your clothes, if you catch my drift.

MC: Oh, so I see.

Lucifer: Indeed.

MC: ...

Lucifer: ...

MC: ...So are you saying you hate my outfit? Because I tried to go for a more casual look but--

Lucifer: I'M TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

MC: WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

[kiame-sama]

Fem!Reader: Fuck it.

Yan!Lilia: I thought the term was "fuck you"

Fem!Reader: Fuck me yourself, you coward. *Saunters away*

Sebek: How dare-?!

Yan!Lilia: *loosens his tie* boys, I expect you all to honor and respect your new mother figure. *Chases after reader*

Silver/Sebek/Malleus: eh??

[ssslimyboy]

Janus, drunk: I don't know why people make such a big deal out of lying. You just say stuff. You still think my name's Janus.

Roman, also drunk: WHAT.

[zb1bies]

jeonghan: What did you guys do?

tws:

jeonghan: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to Cheol again or not.

[incorrectbatfam]

Dick: I think I’m coming down with something, I’ve been feeling kinda nauseated lately.

Tim: Maybe you're pregnant.

Bruce: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot right now, Tim because he suggested it or me because I just had a heart attack.

[incorrectsterekquotes]

deaton: Let's put this matter aside for the time being. stiles, looking around nervously: Can only you see the Time Being? deaton: Huh? stiles: Is it standing near me? deaton: Who? stiles, on the verge of a panic attack: The Time Being.

[aventurineswife]

Aventurine, in Reader’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night?

Reader, knocking Aventurine off: WHAT THE HELL?!

Aventurine: Ow—

Reader: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor!

Aventurine: I had a nightmare.

Reader: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old?

Aventurine: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there-

Reader, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL!

Aventurine: That is not what I meant—

Reader: Silence in the presence of your ruler, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground!

Aventurine: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too.

Reader: Yeah, okay-

Aventurine: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night?

Reader: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while.

Aventurine, gasping: The ruler slept comfortably with a peasant in their bed!

Reader: I did not consent to this-

Aventurine, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden!

Reader, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s five-foot-six, he’s got blonde hair.

Aventurine: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it.

Reader: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me.

Aventurine: Oh, maybe together we could—

Reader: NO.

Aventurine: Just to save water—

Reader: No!

[sdv-said-what]

The perfect couple.