#tws incorrect quotes

[zb1bies]

jeonghan: We're having a baby.

tws: Oh, congratu-

seungkwan, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

or respectively..

jeonghan: We're having a baby.

enhypen: Oh, congratu-

seungkwan and hoshi, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred gets sick of Bruce breaking and losing stuff on patrol so he gets a label maker and starts naming items after the kids

Alfred: I got you a new phone, just like you asked. Its name is Jason. Try not to let it die.

Bruce, tearing up: Why would you say that—

[p1nkshield]

Damian: Todd prepare. I’m going to kill you!

Jason: you can try but it probably won’t stick!

Bruce: what is this about?

Jason: I sent baby pictures of knife child to the robins group chat.

Damian: WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THOSE TODD?!?

Jason: If I wanted something I would bribe Talia with them.

Damian: what? LIES! NEITHER OF MY PARENTS WOULD STOOP TO SUCH A LEVEL RIGHT FATHER?

Bruce: …

Damian: father?

Bruce:… how much?

Damian: FATHER?!?

Bruce: name your price!

Damian: NO!

[secretidentie]

Tim for literally no reason: Hey Jason do yk where I can get some cocaine

Jason: Why tf do you need cocaine

Tim: I'm a teenage CEO why tf do you think I need cocaine

Jason: Fair enough. But I'm still not selling you cocaine

Tim: Why not? I just want to hang out with the other young finance bros

Jason: Hey dick head, tell your brother I'm not giving him cocaine

Dick: Tim are you okay? do you want to talk about this??

Tim: Uhg I'm fine. You're the one ones who said I should stop drinking coffee

Jason: and you thought this was a good alternative???

Tim: Come on I'll only do a little

Dick: Is this coz we spoiled the ending of wolf of Wallstreet

Tim: Why can't I just have some? You do!

Jason: No I don't

Tim: You're a crime lord

Dick: Yeah isn't it like part of the job

Jason: WHAT NO Stereotype much. I've never even seen cocaine up close

Tim: YOU'RE A CRIME LORD

Jason: Yeah not a drug dealer THERE'S A DIFFERENCE

Tim: I should have known your not cool enough to have drug dealer connections

Jason: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA BUY A FUCK TON OF COCAINE AND DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU JUST TO RUB IT IN

Dick: Woah woah that's enough both of you. No one in this house is doing drugs. If anyone talks about cocaine again I'll tell Bruce you said you want to start a new crack epidemic. He'll make you sit in at strangers AA meetings and read through old case files of ex dealers and their autopsies. Don't. TEST. me.

Tim: ............

Jason: ............

Tim: Can you sell me meth?

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests?

Tim: Death penalty.

Dick: Tim, it was just a parking ticket-

Tim, leaning into the mic: Please kill me.

[incorrect-batfam-quotes-mostly]

Tim: this sucks, I'm gonna-

Tim: *remembers Dick said s*icide jokes aren't good for him*

Tim: be the best detective this town has ever seen

[skyeconch]

[Y/N & Jason relaxing on the bed]

Y/N :

Y/N : I kind of feel like an orange

Jason, sleeping on ur chest : I feel like a tomato..

Y/N : no— *laughs*

Y/N : I mean like— eating an orange 😂

Jason : oh 😲 we got one in the kitchen 😊

Y/N : but… I don’t feel like peeling it

Jason : I’ll peel it for you

Jason : I’ll cut it for you

Jason : I’ll sauté it. Whatever you want

Y/N : *overwhelmed by cuteness aggression and hugs him tightly*

Jason, voice muffled : babe, I need to breathe!

[midnightsunnyday]

Lucifer: What a wonderful end to a perfect evening.

MC: I agree. I had a lot of fun with you tonight, Lucifer.

Lucifer: I'm glad to hear it. Though perhaps we should continue said "fun" in my room?

MC: That's ok, I'm feeling a bit tired anyway, so I'll head on back.

Lucifer: No, what I meant was we should allow ourselves to get further acquainted...alone...in my room.

MC: Oh, Lucifer, I already spend plenty of time alone with you. No need to get possessive.

Lucifer: That's not what I...look, what I'm saying is I'd like to know you more intimately, preferably without your clothes, if you catch my drift.

MC: Oh, so I see.

Lucifer: Indeed.

MC: ...

Lucifer: ...

MC: ...So are you saying you hate my outfit? Because I tried to go for a more casual look but--

Lucifer: I'M TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

MC: WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

[incorrect-gravescest]

[source]

💚: ...I can't believe this fucking worked.

🩷: See? Now that everyone hates my fictional boyfriend Clyde, they'll pay out the ass for me to move out and you and I are sitting pretty. And you said my Hollywood makeup kit was a waste of money! Not so much a waste now with these movie-quality bruises, is it?

💚: Even for you, this is fucked up.

🩷: I'm over here playing chess to help secure our future and you're stuck playing whack a mole. Morals don't pay the bills, beloved.

[kiame-sama]

Fem!Reader: Fuck it.

Yan!Lilia: I thought the term was "fuck you"

Fem!Reader: Fuck me yourself, you coward. *Saunters away*

Sebek: How dare-?!

Yan!Lilia: *loosens his tie* boys, I expect you all to honor and respect your new mother figure. *Chases after reader*

Silver/Sebek/Malleus: eh??

[frownyalfred]

Tim, interrupting one of Two-Face’s long-ass monologues: --just stop being a cunt, okay?

Two-Face: and I — excuse me?

Tim:

Two-Face:

Tim, crossing his arms: wassup?

[zb1bies]

shinyu: HELP! I TOLD JEONGHAN HYUNG I’D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN’T COOK!

kyungmin, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag and spilling it all over the table: are you asking me for help?

[incorrectbatfam]

Has Bruce ever packed the kids lunch when Alfred wasn't there? How'd it go?

[Wayne Enterprises]

Tim: Finally, time for my break.

Tim: *opens his mini fridge*

*dozens of apples fall out*

———————

[the library]

Steph: *chugs a gallon of milk*

Cass: *bites into a bread loaf*

Barbara: I'm not even gonna ask.

———————

[day patrol]

Duke: *opens his lunchbox*

Duke: *sighs*

Duke: *pulls out his bat-skillet*

Duke: *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg—*

———————

[West-Reeve Middle School]

Damian: Kent, I will trade you your cupcake for this head of lettuce.

Jon: ...

Jon: Deal.

———————

[Bludhaven]

Jason: Bruce packed our lunches. He said we're supposed to share.

Jason: *hands him a bag*

Dick: What'd you get?

Jason: A frozen turkey. You?

Dick: *opens it*

*fire alarm goes off*

[aventurineswife]

Aventurine, in Reader’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night?

Reader, knocking Aventurine off: WHAT THE HELL?!

Aventurine: Ow—

Reader: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor!

Aventurine: I had a nightmare.

Reader: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old?

Aventurine: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there-

Reader, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL!

Aventurine: That is not what I meant—

Reader: Silence in the presence of your ruler, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground!

Aventurine: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too.

Reader: Yeah, okay-

Aventurine: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night?

Reader: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while.

Aventurine, gasping: The ruler slept comfortably with a peasant in their bed!

Reader: I did not consent to this-

Aventurine, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden!

Reader, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s five-foot-six, he’s got blonde hair.

Aventurine: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it.

Reader: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me.

Aventurine: Oh, maybe together we could—

Reader: NO.

Aventurine: Just to save water—

Reader: No!

[incorrectsterekquotes]

deaton: Let's put this matter aside for the time being. stiles, looking around nervously: Can only you see the Time Being? deaton: Huh? stiles: Is it standing near me? deaton: Who? stiles, on the verge of a panic attack: The Time Being.

[random-twst-things]

*Walking to class together*

Mc/Y/N/Yuu notices his backpack: Why do you have a backpack of Mr. Trein's cat?

Idia, turns around: Why you such a fucking bitch? 😒

Mc/Y/N/Yuu: Jesus fuck dude 😨

Mc/Y/N/Yuu: Rude much!

Idia: 😑

*Mc/Y/N/Yuu turns around to show a Hello Kitty backpack*

Idia: ...

Dividers by/from @/cafekitsune