#tws incorrect quotes

[zb1bies]

jeonghan: We're having a baby.

tws: Oh, congratu-

seungkwan, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

or respectively..

jeonghan: We're having a baby.

enhypen: Oh, congratu-

seungkwan and hoshi, slamming adoption papers onto the table: It's you, sign here.

[incorrectbatfam]

Alfred gets sick of Bruce breaking and losing stuff on patrol so he gets a label maker and starts naming items after the kids

Alfred: I got you a new phone, just like you asked. Its name is Jason. Try not to let it die.

Bruce, tearing up: Why would you say that—

[p1nkshield]

Damian: Todd prepare. I’m going to kill you!

Jason: you can try but it probably won’t stick!

Bruce: what is this about?

Jason: I sent baby pictures of knife child to the robins group chat.

Damian: WHY DO YOU EVEN HAVE THOSE TODD?!?

Jason: If I wanted something I would bribe Talia with them.

Damian: what? LIES! NEITHER OF MY PARENTS WOULD STOOP TO SUCH A LEVEL RIGHT FATHER?

Bruce: …

Damian: father?

Bruce:… how much?

Damian: FATHER?!?

Bruce: name your price!

Damian: NO!

[secretidentie]

Tim for literally no reason: Hey Jason do yk where I can get some cocaine

Jason: Why tf do you need cocaine

Tim: I'm a teenage CEO why tf do you think I need cocaine

Jason: Fair enough. But I'm still not selling you cocaine

Tim: Why not? I just want to hang out with the other young finance bros

Jason: Hey dick head, tell your brother I'm not giving him cocaine

Dick: Tim are you okay? do you want to talk about this??

Tim: Uhg I'm fine. You're the one ones who said I should stop drinking coffee

Jason: and you thought this was a good alternative???

Tim: Come on I'll only do a little

Dick: Is this coz we spoiled the ending of wolf of Wallstreet

Tim: Why can't I just have some? You do!

Jason: No I don't

Tim: You're a crime lord

Dick: Yeah isn't it like part of the job

Jason: WHAT NO Stereotype much. I've never even seen cocaine up close

Tim: YOU'RE A CRIME LORD

Jason: Yeah not a drug dealer THERE'S A DIFFERENCE

Tim: I should have known your not cool enough to have drug dealer connections

Jason: OKAY YOU KNOW WHAT I'M GONNA BUY A FUCK TON OF COCAINE AND DO IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU JUST TO RUB IT IN

Dick: Woah woah that's enough both of you. No one in this house is doing drugs. If anyone talks about cocaine again I'll tell Bruce you said you want to start a new crack epidemic. He'll make you sit in at strangers AA meetings and read through old case files of ex dealers and their autopsies. Don't. TEST. me.

Tim: ............

Jason: ............

Tim: Can you sell me meth?

[batfam-stuff-posts-0]

Judge: Does the defendant have any special requests?

Tim: Death penalty.

Dick: Tim, it was just a parking ticket-

Tim, leaning into the mic: Please kill me.

[frownyalfred]

Tim, interrupting one of Two-Face’s long-ass monologues: --just stop being a cunt, okay?

Two-Face: and I — excuse me?

Tim:

Two-Face:

Tim, crossing his arms: wassup?

[incorrect-batfam-quotes-mostly]

Tim: this sucks, I'm gonna-

Tim: *remembers Dick said s*icide jokes aren't good for him*

Tim: be the best detective this town has ever seen

[midnightsunnyday]

Lucifer: What a wonderful end to a perfect evening.

MC: I agree. I had a lot of fun with you tonight, Lucifer.

Lucifer: I'm glad to hear it. Though perhaps we should continue said "fun" in my room?

MC: That's ok, I'm feeling a bit tired anyway, so I'll head on back.

Lucifer: No, what I meant was we should allow ourselves to get further acquainted...alone...in my room.

MC: Oh, Lucifer, I already spend plenty of time alone with you. No need to get possessive.

Lucifer: That's not what I...look, what I'm saying is I'd like to know you more intimately, preferably without your clothes, if you catch my drift.

MC: Oh, so I see.

Lucifer: Indeed.

MC: ...

Lucifer: ...

MC: ...So are you saying you hate my outfit? Because I tried to go for a more casual look but--

Lucifer: I'M TRYING TO HAVE SEX WITH YOU.

MC: WHY ARE YOU YELLING AT ME?

[skyeconch]

[Y/N & Jason relaxing on the bed]

Y/N :

Y/N : I kind of feel like an orange

Jason, sleeping on ur chest : I feel like a tomato..

Y/N : no— *laughs*

Y/N : I mean like— eating an orange 😂

Jason : oh 😲 we got one in the kitchen 😊

Y/N : but… I don’t feel like peeling it

Jason : I’ll peel it for you

Jason : I’ll cut it for you

Jason : I’ll sauté it. Whatever you want

Y/N : *overwhelmed by cuteness aggression and hugs him tightly*

Jason, voice muffled : babe, I need to breathe!

[kiame-sama]

Fem!Reader: Fuck it.

Yan!Lilia: I thought the term was "fuck you"

Fem!Reader: Fuck me yourself, you coward. *Saunters away*

Sebek: How dare-?!

Yan!Lilia: *loosens his tie* boys, I expect you all to honor and respect your new mother figure. *Chases after reader*

Silver/Sebek/Malleus: eh??

[ssslimyboy]

Janus, drunk: I don't know why people make such a big deal out of lying. You just say stuff. You still think my name's Janus.

Roman, also drunk: WHAT.

[zb1bies]

jeonghan: What did you guys do?

tws:

jeonghan: You’re not in trouble, I just need to know if I have to lie to Cheol again or not.

[incorrectbatfam]

Has Bruce ever packed the kids lunch when Alfred wasn't there? How'd it go?

[Wayne Enterprises]

Tim: Finally, time for my break.

Tim: *opens his mini fridge*

*dozens of apples fall out*

———————

[the library]

Steph: *chugs a gallon of milk*

Cass: *bites into a bread loaf*

Barbara: I'm not even gonna ask.

———————

[day patrol]

Duke: *opens his lunchbox*

Duke: *sighs*

Duke: *pulls out his bat-skillet*

Duke: *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg* *cracks an egg—*

———————

[West-Reeve Middle School]

Damian: Kent, I will trade you your cupcake for this head of lettuce.

Jon: ...

Jon: Deal.

———————

[Bludhaven]

Jason: Bruce packed our lunches. He said we're supposed to share.

Jason: *hands him a bag*

Dick: What'd you get?

Jason: A frozen turkey. You?

Dick: *opens it*

*fire alarm goes off*

[incorrectsterekquotes]

deaton: Let's put this matter aside for the time being. stiles, looking around nervously: Can only you see the Time Being? deaton: Huh? stiles: Is it standing near me? deaton: Who? stiles, on the verge of a panic attack: The Time Being.

[aventurineswife]

Aventurine, in Reader’s bed: Morning… how’d ya sleep last night?

Reader, knocking Aventurine off: WHAT THE HELL?!

Aventurine: Ow—

Reader: What were you doing in my bed? You were supposed to sleep on the air mattress on the floor!

Aventurine: I had a nightmare.

Reader: You had a nightmare? What are you, five years old?

Aventurine: Listen, I needed to feel comfortable and I was getting this perverse power dynamic vibe from me sleeping on the floor and you sleeping up there-

Reader, in a royal accent: Why yes, how high and mighty I am up on my twin XL!

Aventurine: That is not what I meant—

Reader: Silence in the presence of your ruler, who sleeps a lofty twelve and a half inches above the ground!

Aventurine: Listen, I’m not ashamed. I slept comfortably when I got up on your bed and I’m sure you did too.

Reader: Yeah, okay-

Aventurine: You know what? I wanna know. How’d you sleep last night?

Reader: …That was the best I’ve slept in a while.

Aventurine, gasping: The ruler slept comfortably with a peasant in their bed!

Reader: I did not consent to this-

Aventurine, dramatically: But my liege, our love is forbidden!

Reader, on the phone: Hi, is this the front desk? Yeah, there’s a bed bug in my room and he’s five-foot-six, he’s got blonde hair.

Aventurine: Ask them if they have one of those “Do Not Disturb” signs. I’ll put it on the door next time we… do it.

Reader: Okay, I'ma go shower and wash all of the you off of me.

Aventurine: Oh, maybe together we could—

Reader: NO.

Aventurine: Just to save water—

Reader: No!

[sanders-sides-uncorrect-quotes]

Virgil: what if every spider you've ever crushed thought it was like living in your house with you the whole time and one day you just flew off the handle and murdered it. Like it just thought you were hanging out together.

Virgil: Has every spider died while feeling a sense of betrayal?

Thomas: Virgil you guilt tripping me will not get rid of my arachnophobia