#tw: mention of abusive parent

[keldae]

A kiss to a scar, birthmark, injury, or other marking for your galemancer ❤️

Devi loved nighttime around camp. In the peaceful darkness, all was calm and relaxing, giving the party a needed reprieve from the stress of the day. That it meant she could retreat into Gale's cozy tent with the wizard in question only sweetened the deal for her.

Right now, she was on her side, facing Gale, lightly shivering as the cool night air tickled her exposed skin, damp as it was with sweat. Her heart had finally slowed back down after a round of passionate sex, one that made her grateful Gale had remembered to put up a silencing ward around the tent (lest other members of the group start yelling for the couple to fuck off). He had cast the spell already to clean away the mess they had left between her thighs; now he reclined on his side, his head propped up on his hand, fondly gazing at her. His other hand reached out, tracing over her cheek and ear with his fingers, a gentle, soft touch that made Devi feel safe and protected with him.

“You are a work of art,” Gale murmured, tracing the contours of Devi's face as though committing her to memory. “You are poetry taken flesh and sent to live among mere mortals. You are a treasure that deserves nothing less than the finest pedestal on which to display your beauty.”

Feeling a not-unpleasant warmth on her cheeks, Devi smiled at Gale, almost shy as he praised her. “You make me feel worthy of adoration,” she softly said. “You make me feel as beautiful as a goddess.”

“If nobody has told you before that you are beautiful to rival even Mystra, then every other lover you’ve had has been negligent. Worshipping you and your beauty is a blasphemy that I will happily partake in.” Gale’s eyes were soft as he gazed at Devi, his thumb tracing her lips. “Gods, how did I get so lucky as to have you here with me?”

Smiling, Devi kissed the pad of Gale’s thumb. “It turns out that I have a weakness for handsome wizards who snuggle me to sleep and read me bedtime stories.”

Gale chuckled softly. “And this wizard is incredibly grateful that you picked him, out of everyone you could have chosen to love.” He went quiet for a moment, his thumb shifting to trace the scar that cut vertically across Devi’s lips. “I don’t think you told me how you picked up this mark, my love…” he quietly said, his brow furrowing. 

Devi shook her head slightly. “I didn’t,” she softly confirmed. “I… angered Father and he threw a glass bottle at me. It missed me, but the shards of glass from when it hit the wall beside me left their marks. The one on my forehead was from the same bottle.” 

For a second, fury flickered through Gale’s eyes, followed by sorrow as he leaned in close. His lips touched the scar on Devi’s mouth, a gentle press that nearly made her cry sheerly from how tender his touch was; then he moved enough to kiss the scar on her temple. “Your father will have plenty to answer for when I meet him,” he muttered. “You will never suffer another wound at his hand again – I promise. Nobody harms my beloved.”

Feeling her eyes burning, Devi scooted closer to Gale on the rumpled bedroll, her hand settling on his shoulder. “Gods, I love you, my protective, handsome wizard,” she whispered, leaning in to kiss his neck.

“I love you too,” Gale murmured, kissing her forehead again over her scar. He leaned back a smidgen, just enough to take in more of Devi’s body with his gaze; his eyes settled on her neck tattoo. “You haven’t told me the story of this one,” he murmured, leaning in to kiss the tattoo.

Devi shivered as she felt Gale kiss his way over her skin. “So… I’m going to start by saying I was seventeen and fuelled entirely by spite and poor decisions,” she said with a little laugh. “I had found out that Father was planning to sell me to some lord’s son or nephew or something, and he wanted me to look pretty.” She heard Gale lowly growl something uncomplimentary at her father as he listened to her story. “My partner at the time, she had a friend who had a friend in Wyrm’s Crossing who could do tattoos… and, well, roses are my favourite flower. They gave me a drink of something that would dull the pain, and by dawn, I had this.” She wrinkled her nose and ruefully laughed. “I fainted once while they were doing the tattoo – it hurt so bad to have done.”

Gale winced as he pulled back from kissing the tattoo to meet Devi’s eyes. “I can only imagine the pain of a tattoo, forget having that on your neck, of all places. Can I safely assume that your father did not approve?”

“Oh, he was livid that I cost him the deal, since the lord in question thought the tattoo was ugly and refused to agree to the contract.” Devi smirked. “It was worth his rage and the punishment I got from him. I think that might have been the same partner who got my ears pierced too…”

“She was either a terrible influence, or an excellent one,” Gale chuckled. If Devi focused, she could hear the suppressed anger in his voice, directed at her father. “How did that relationship end, if I may ask?”

Devi shrugged. “Apparently I was an experiment for her to see if she liked women or not. She decided one day that she missed being with a man, told me we needed to go our separate ways, and I found out maybe a tenday later that she was a month pregnant at the time.”

“I wish I didn’t know that feeling,” Gale muttered. “A previous partner of mine, before Mystra, did something similar to me, when I was much younger. I didn’t know for certain that the child wasn’t mine until he was born with suspiciously pointed ears… to a human mother.”

“Oh, that bitch,” Devi growled, her hand gently rubbing Gale’s shoulder.

Gale ruefully chuckled. “I had a few choice words of my own for her when I told her to go to a particularly low level of the Hells. Tara nearly clawed her eyes out – not to mention how furious my mother was.” He snorted. “More insulting was how she tried to tell me that she was part Elf, despite me knowing that she was entirely human. I’ve never had my intelligence insulted like that before, or since.”

“You are far better off without that lying bitch in your life,” Devi murmured with a nod. 

“Indeed… particularly since it means that I get to have you in my life instead.” Gale smiled fondly at Devi and leaned in to kiss her gently. “You are a gift that I treasure, every moment that I am blessed to spend in your company, my love.”

Devi smiled as she kissed Gale back, scooting closer to him. “Which one of us is the lucky one again?” she murmured. “I’m pretty sure it’s me – the uneducated thief who fell for a handsome, compassionate, smart-as-all-hells wizard.”

“You are a master thief, my darling – you stole my heart months ago.” Gale chuckled. He leaned back slightly from the kisses, his eyes roaming over her exposed skin, his hand following his eyes over her body. He stopped at another scar on her forearm, his brow furrowing. “What was the story behind this scar?”

Devi looked at the scar and made a face. “That one was an accident. My brother Jehn was teaching me how to fight with knives, and he was demonstrating a strike that I was meant to block… he told me while he was trying to stitch me up afterward that I was supposed to block with my own knife and not my arm.”

Gale winced again. “Oh, Devi…”

“In my defence, I was… eight years old? Nine?” Devi shrugged. “I was young, and just learning how to use knives. Jehn didn’t mean to hurt me, and he did feel terrible about it.” She contemplated the scar again. “Honestly, the stitches he did to try and fix it hurt more than the initial wound.” 

“It’s a marvel that you didn’t bleed out or acquire an infection from that, or lose partial function in your hand,” Gale murmured, lifting Devi’s arm so he could tenderly kiss the scar. “How many more wounds did you get from Jehn while he was teaching you how to fight?”

“That one was the worst one from him, you’ll be happy to hear,” Devi assured him. “I got a few more cuts on my arms, and a couple of shallow wounds on my stomach – by then, he’d managed to steal some healing potions that he could use to patch me up from the worst of the wounds, so I was fine. And I gave him his share of wounds back – nearly broke his nose once.”

Gale softly chuckled. “That’s my girl,” he murmured, making Devi’s heart skip a beat in her chest at the endearment. He leaned in and rubbed his nose against hers for a moment. “My sweet, perfect star. Gods, you are so perfect – scars and all.”

Smiling, Devi snuggled up to Gale, as closely as she could manage, and lowered her head so she could kiss the orb brand across his heart. “First in my heart,” she whispered, feeling Gale drape his arm across her body so he could hold her closer to him. “My heart belongs to you, Gale – fully and utterly.” 

She felt Gale’s arm tighten across her as he gently nudged her head back so he could nuzzle her face. “And I promise to take the best care of what you’ve entrusted to me, my love,” he softly said. “Your heart will never break while it is in my hands.”

“And neither will yours,” Devi promised, setting her fingers across Gale’s heart. She saw his smile before he kissed her again – tenderly at first, then with more passion and lust in his touches as he gently pushed her onto her back, his thigh nudging her legs open for him again.

This, Devi thought as she kissed Gale back, running her fingers into his hair and arching her body into his as she tried to touch as much of him as she could, was home – in Gale’s arms, warm and safe, and loved in a way that she had never experienced before. She would follow this man into the lowest of the Hells if he had need of her, and some part of her heart knew that he would gladly follow her there too.

I am the luckiest girl alive, was her last coherent thought before she gave herself to the pleasures that Gale made her experience again.

[incognitopolls]

"Abusive" includes forms of abuse like physical, mental, emotional, or any other form.

–

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[wilwheaton]

if you know this secret handshake some of us use today, i see you and i’m so sorry.

I don't celebrate Father's Day (or any other Hallmark holiday) for reasons that will not surprise you if you know anything about my life.

But I do celebrate all the other children of fuckers and pieces of shit who survived like I did, who broke the cycle of generational trauma like I and my sister did, whose mothers forced them to praise and worship their abuser "because it's father's day" like mine did, who fucking hate the endless reminders to celebrate the dad we never had (in my case, because he chose not to be a dad to me like he chose to be a dad for my brother. I guess being a bully was more satisfying to him).

I see you, friends. I see you, and I know you see me, and I am both grateful and sad. We know this secret handshake we wish we didn't know. We know a very specific kind of loss that only we know, a type of lingering pain that never really goes away entirely, that can only be reduced to part of the background noise, but can crank itself up to 11 without warning.

I just want you all to know that I see you, and I love you. I know how tough it is, how much it hurts.

I want to specifically make meaningful eye contact with all of my fellow survivors who are also dads, who show up for our kids in spite of the pain and loss. It's such a challenge, and it means so much. We broke the cycle and that is massive. I'm so proud of us.

[furiousgoldfish]

I have an update about this situation, which if you didn't read it, was about me finding out that my parents are searching for me, going door to door and asking people on the street if they know me, even asking with my fake name. They found someone who did know me, and they chatted, and this person later called me and told me what had happened, to which I freaked out, asked them not to share any details about me, and explained that I had ran away due to violence and that I'm terrified of these people.

Now knowing that my parents are out there looking for me, I spent the next few weeks locked in, afraid to go out, only going to work and back, and sometimes disguised so I wouldn't be recognized. I didn't run into anyone on the street, nobody came to my door, I didn't get any other phone calls, so I eventually relaxed and decided that it was okay to be outside, even if they are looking, unless they find me directly where I live, I could easily escape on bike, and they wouldn't know where I went.

The other day I got the phone call from the person who talked to my parents, and they asked me to come over, to be gifted some extra clothing. I was scared, worried that it was a trap, that my parents somehow got this person to cooperate and to bring me to them, but I decided to be brave and go anyway, since the chance of this was very low, and on the phone they reassured me that I could forget that last situation. Still, when I got there I startedly looked around to see if anyone was in there, but it was all empty.

I got some extra details of what happened; it was my mother and a friend looking for me, my father was not present. This person admitted to actually knowing me, and where I live, so my parents know someone who is in contact with me right now. However the person didn't share my address with them, which is why I was still safe.

Then the person revealed they actually got a call from my mother later that day, and they had an argument over the phone. The person repeated what I had told them – that I ran because of violence, because I was forced to work to deserve to eat and sleep there, because of death threats, torture, neglect, and my mother responded angrily 'You don't know what kind of trouble they were causing me!'. Then my mother still tried to convince this person that she cares about me and is worried about me, but the person rebutted with 'you should have cared when they were younger', and when my mother wouldn't stop asking for information, the person said that if she calls again, the police will be called and hung up.

Now this was very interesting to me, firstly my mother getting a police threat upon trying to find me, that is extremely good, satisfying, reassuring, positive, made me so happy. I was in a good mood for the rest of the day just thinking about what kind of reality-check that must have been, to have other people threaten with police and stand in their way of getting to me. I feel it was the first time someone actively protected me and it feels like I've been waiting my whole life for that to happen, and I never thought it would.

Second thing is her 'you don't know what kind of trouble they were causing', because she wasn't even denying the accusations of violence and torture! She blatantly did admit that yes, I had to work to deserve to live as a child, I was beaten, neglected, I was threatened death, I was kept in sub-human conditions, but she just felt it was justified! Because I was 'causing trouble', which is a lie, I did everything she asked me when I was a kid. It's like she still thinks me standing up to her violent abusive husband was 'me causing trouble' excuse me why did you marry that thing, and then never stood up to it? I had more backbone as a child than she has as an adult and this was 'me causing trouble'. I stood up to him because it was the right thing to do, because he was attacking me and my siblings, what do you mean I was causing trouble defending rest of the family from violence and absorbing it so the rest of you wouldn't have to. Ungrateful lying coward.

And also her saying I was the awful troublemaker doesn't check out with the rest of her story; if I was such a menace why is she out there looking for me? Why is she not blessed that I am gone and she can finally enjoy your life? Would you actively seek out someone you have to control with death threats from how much trouble they're causing to you? The lie is falling apart.

This has me very calmed down and grateful that not all people are cowards and unwilling to stand up to abusers. I've never seen this before, in my experience, people were always ready to bow down to my parents and see me as an ungrateful horrid creature who needs to be put into their place. This person has known me enough to see that I'm honest, fair, hardworking, kind, accommodating, they even told me that they can see there's nothing twisted about me. They understood that my situation is one of a struggle and that I have to work hard to survive, and often expressed that I struggle too much compared to others. And this isn't someone I'm on constant contact with, we talk once a year. I was surprised they picked up on this much.

I'm feeling better about the situation now I understand I was defended, I'm not that afraid anymore. I did get upset that my mother is trying to convince people that I was just so bad I deserved all, but at least not everyone believes it. I mean, it's ridiculous for anyone to believe a child could possibly deserve this, but I know a lot of people who do believe that. I thought everyone would side with my parents forever. Feeling better knowing there's one person who sided with me, when it was crucial for my safety.

[hhhhleb]

connected to this concept of birth giving and this comics ⚠️heavy topics below beware⚠️

so this idea sat in my head for a while what if sans not really a brother for papyrus..? well not biologically(or magically…) at least so i thought how could he get in this position and came up with some ideas for starters all this 'low fertility and forced injections of lust' reminds me so much of The Handmaid's Tale(i've watched only like 10 episodes but i got the main idea of reproductive abuse it portrays) so this and the concept of Gaster experementing on his children(on "child" in this case) just fused into this concept -> what if gaster tested his lust injections on sans 'cause em.. no body's gonna know?like maybe he didn't gave birth to him, he just found sans below some magic object and raised him in his closed laboratory to get more knowledge about fertility and lifegiving topic. gaster might forced this soulling artificially and that's how sans got paps and may be gaster tried to End this Experiment 'cause sans's little soul was at risk but sans rebelled and ran away or something idk all these things are very ethemeral in my head

or it was just another monster, some stranger or someone close and "trustworthy". may be sans wanted it. may be not. every option has it's own interesting themes to exlore really.

one thing i'm sure about is that paps doesn't know and after gaster dissolved in the Core sans might not know neither.. they're happy to be brothers and that's all they need actually

[annaliseblr]

can shows stop redeeming shitty parents? i thought brooklyn nine-nine finally changed this when i saw captain peralta, where they ended the ep with jake confronting his father, but then they brought him back next season and gave him a really random redemption arc. then rosa's homophobic parents got redeemed, which didn't annoy me as much bc her dad at least properly apologised to her, and her mom definitely put a lot of work into fixing things - they changed, jake's parents didn't.

9-1-1 is by far the worst offender of this i've ever seen. buck and maddie's parents emotionally abused and neglected them their whole lives, to the point where maddie was essentially raising buck on her own at the age of nine and buck only ever got attention when he was injured, maddie didn't leave her abusive husband in part because her mother would just say, 'i told you so,' and buck became the human embodiment of passive suicidality. then they just?? forgave them?? in one episode?? then chimney's shitty dad came back, and he made amends with him bc his daughter 'needed a good relationship with her grandparents.' eddie's dad was never around and the only things he did that involved eddie were yelling at him for trying to help his mother when she was in labor and declaring him the 'man of the house' at age 10. also, both his parents hated his wife, treated his son like an infant, and tried to get custody of said son. but he forgave his father and practically never addressed anything his mother did.

how to get away with murder thankfully never redeemed jorge castillo, which i approve of, but then connor's dad, who literally said he knew connor, and he knew oliver wasn't right for him (which is absolutely insane to say when you ran out on your son when he was 12) [he still could have been part of connor's life while being with ted!!]. and it basically just ignored that connor's mom let him, a teenager, have sex with a man in his twenties. because letting your son get raped is fine, i guess. and then annalise's dad, who didn't believe her when she was raped by her uncle, came back into her life. yay.

and then there's community. what annoys me is that they let jeff and pierce's dads be thrown into unforgivable territory (which i approve of, honestly - they sucked and advanced gay and cooperative escapism in familial relations are two of my favorite episodes), but britta's parents deserved forgiveness and britta was somehow in to wrong when she was molested and her dad took the guy's side??? she had to forgive her parents? that was just unfair and blatantly hypocritical.

stop redeeming horrible parents, please.

[uncanny-tranny]

It's weird how people paint "daddy issues" and even "mommy issues" as, like, a joke or a failure on part of the person who has those issues, rather than recognizing that daddy and mommy issues stem, for so many people, from abuse. What this all is is just abuse apologia, and nobody seems to either notice or maybe even care.

When somebody with daddy or mommy issues opens up about the "why," I can't ever seem to shake the fact that they tend to have gone through a ton of abuse and bullshit as a child. It's just crazy that other people would look at that and see a joke or a failure of the once-child who was abused.

[selfship-shinigami]

your F/Os despise your abusive parents. they adore you and are proud of you, no matter what your parents tell you.

[mlgrace]

i love (hate) when someone points out that child abuse, especially certain forms, are still normalised and overlooked by society as being necessary and harmless in the long term and beneficial despite numerous forms of empirical evidence suggesting otherwise says something like “uhm actually i got *abused in whatever way is mentioned* and i turned out fine”. people will literally say “yeah i have no actual definitive proof that the mistreatment i endured doesn’t impact my life today. and even if i did i’m still one person whose subjective opinion doesn’t negate decades of research with larger sample sizes. but you have to believe me. child abuse is fine actually. trust me”

[a-sip-of-milo]

"But if you never have kids, who's going to take care of you when you're old?"

So, your reasoning for wanting/having children is so you've got someone who feels obligated to take care of you? Sounds abusive but okay.

DNI if you believe in cluster B abuse.

[nothing0fnothing]

My mom always used to tell me that I was so much more mature than the boys my age because "girls mature faster" and always told me to date older when I started dating.

The men in my family would tell me that the best way for me to succeed was to 1) get really thin 2) get really hot 3) marry an elderly man months from death 4) inherit his money after he died.

Constant discussions about how I shouldn't be dating teenage boys because teenage boys "only want one thing" and I should be waiting to date till my mid 20s when they've "calmed down".

But yeah it was totally my fault when a man in a position of power over me in his late 20s started dming me when I was 13 and I thought it was normal.

[spicyicymeloncat]

Funny how when you physically/emotionally/materially punish people for doing/getting something wrong, usually they develop a fear of being wrong and thus don’t know how to accept being wrong, how to make up for it, or grow as a person.

If you’ve told a person that their only options are to be right, or to be wrong and die, then they treat being right as a means of survival, being told they’re wrong as a threat to their safety and that there is no improving after being classed as wrong.

They become afraid of being wrong, convinced they can’t be wrong if nothing bad is happening to specifically them, and they do not know any methods to improve the situation outside of self punishment.

Proper conflict resolution skills are so vital.

[furiousgoldfish]

I'm going to sit down and try to explain this with patience, to everyone who still thinks calling out narcissistic abuse is 'ableist' or 'dehumanizing to the narcissists', and that abuse is something we're all equally capable of.

I don't think you understand what narcissistic abuse is, or how it differs from the other kinds of abuse. We can agree that all and any abuse is damaging, traumatic and scarring, but narcissistic abuse is so extremely pervasive, hidden, strategic and unbelievable, to the point where I can't honestly tell it's something any regular human would be capable of. And even more than this, the survivors of this particular type of abuse have found it extremely, extremely difficult to figure out they've been abused, even when they've been put through extreme, devastating, and absolutely dehumanizing scenarios. Realizing that your loved one is a narcissist requires your entire world to break down, and every piece of your heart shatters in the realization, and it takes months, even years to accept it.

The only way we can possibly figure it out is to connect the patterns. And patterns of the narcissistic abuse are focused on erasing one's own sense of self, one's perspective and ultimately, complete control over someone's emotions and behaviours. This is often done from early on, the grooming process starts at age zero, your value, worth and usefulness is determined by them, and you cannot wrangle yourself free from it on your own, not without someone confirming to you that you've been held captive, that your free will has been taken a long time ago.

Unfortunately, I have to give some examples, because I don't think it can be explained otherwise. When I was 2 years old, a narcissistic person found it a nuisance to watch over me, and they beat me up every time I disobeyed. I was a toddler. Then they proceeded to convince me that I was a demon, and would burn in hell regardless of what I do for the rest of my life. I've been brainwashed by this person to believe I was not a human being, had no human rights, that it was correct and regular for me to be locked up, beaten, and that it was my fault every single time, even when I did all that was asked of me. This person then had me comfort them after they would beat me, because it was a stressful experience for them. I wasn't allowed to cry. I would be beaten for making a face expression they didn't like. It was random and unexplainable.

Another narcissistic person created a game where they would give me wrong instructions for a task, then torture me when I did exactly as they instructed me to. It got to a point where I would beg them to tell me what to do correctly, and they would respond with a laughing 'you should be old enough to know this' and they would be even happier to beat me up and scream at me for getting it wrong. This person not only threatened to kill me regularly, but often made me believe I was in my last few seconds of life, putting me in position where I believed I was about to die. They forced me to work for them in unsafe conditions, heavy physical jobs, where I was not allowed to say I'm tired, not allowed to cry, and even after I'd do everything, they would still tell me I didn't deserve to eat. I was a child. I didn't think for a second I was being abused. I was already brainwashed to believe that everyone else had it worse, and that I was lucky.

I had no identity besides existing for them, I had no free will except to try and make myself into something they could use, and if I didn't do a good enough job, I'd be ostracized. They loved beating me, screaming at me and making me cry, and then they'd leave me in a room crying without being allowed to make any noise, while they laughed in the room next to me, as a family, loudly so I could hear what a great time they were having. They would treat other children gently in front of me in order to try and make me jealous. They would revise every part of what they did to me if I ever tried to bring it up. I wasn't allowed my own perspective, opinion, or complaint. I wasn't even allowed to remember the abuse correctly. I would be locked in a room and questioned and punished if my opinions weren't to their liking.

I don't believe this is something anyone is capable of doing. I don't believe anyone of us is capable of torturing a kid until the kid begs to be killed. I don't believe most of us are capable of erasing a child's point of view, their reality, their humanity to the point where the child is forced to live a life where they will either comply or be killed, and they will be tortured no matter what. This isn't a regular thing that a person can easily do.

Luckily, us who have been through this, have noticed that there is a specific pattern to their behaviour. That they use almost identical phrases with which their invoke guilt, fear and hopelessness. That they can go frighteningly fast from rage to laughter to acting hurt. That they enforce their will over ours with a specific type of terror that triggers both our survival instincts and our compassion and shame. That we've been groomed by them in an almost identical way - to not believe that we're allowed our own feelings, memories, opinions, point of view, or freedom. That we have learned to exist only to be an extension of them.

We also all noticed that we're all absolutely, beyond terrified of them, and that we don't feel we're allowed to say it, or think it. That we're taught by terror to keep believing that they're good people, that they do none of it on purpose, not even the most extreme, insane, egregious abuse. That they will go to any length, even committing more atrocities, to escape accountability. That they use tactics of darvo, gaslighting, double-bind, planting insecurities, triangulating, future faking, discarding, love bombing, mirroring, smear campaigns, projection, scapegoating, silencing, throwing tantrums, victim playing, like it's in their second nature. That they're genuinely, absolutely terrifying and almost unreal in how far they're capable of going. And most of all, that they are dangerous, and capable of completely turning another human being into their puppet, and never think for a second that it might be wrong. To them, we are nothing more but toys to manipulate, control, and discard. We are disposable. There is no limit to what they can do to us, because to them, we are not alive. They would do to us what normal people wouldn't do to a corpse. And they feel superior for it.

People abused by narcissists from early age are likely to develop the most complex and extreme disorders, complex ptsd and dissociative identity disorder being some of them, because that's what it takes to survive being a child and existing next to a narcissist. This means that small children need to be shattered in pieces in order to please the narcissist. Others that are very common are eating disorders, anxiety, depression, paranoia, avoidant personality disorder, panic disorder, and compulsions to cater to everyone's needs, to the point of our own destruction. This is what they make of us, on purpose, in order for us to be of use to them. And they will forever insist it's their right.

When I'm saying the word 'narcissist', I am not referring to 'anyone diagnosed with npd', I am referring to a person who will do this to a child, and insist on doing it for the rest of the child's life. I am writing it because I don't want children to have to live like this forever. I am not aiming to dehumanize the narcissist, their actions show who they are, I am saying, be careful and aware that this person will dehumanize you. That you are disposable to them. That making you feel good in order for you to like them, is a game to them, and one they're very good at. That playing the victim at you and demanding justice, will easily manipulate you into standing against the victims of abuse and talking down to them for 'dehumanizing their abusers', and being 'ableist to the npd', after being tortured past the point of return by those people.

A lot of us are permanently damaged by what's been done to us. We are not asking for justice. We're not asking for revenge. We are asking to be safe. We're asking for this to stop. We're asking for children not to be left alone with people who are dangerous to this level. We're asking you to understand that a narcissist left alone with a child means a child in danger.

It's common to not be aware just how bad it can go, because we think that most humans know not to torture a child. We believe that nobody would do things to children that narcissists do. If you read the stories of the survivors, you'll find out what actually happens behind closed doors. The themes of torture, dehumanization, sexual abuse, brainwashing, violence, and extreme cruelty are common, even towards toddlers.

I need you to not attack those children when they grow up and say they no longer want to be around narcissists. I need you to understand that they know what they're talking about when they say it's not safe, that they want to be protected. The society already failed to protect them at their most vulnerable, and they had to make it alive by their wits alone. And now you won't even let them speak without attacking them? It's inexcusable.

If you want to know about the narcissists, read what their victims have gone through. Then make a judgment on whether we're allowed to speak, and whether it's worth warning others to hold caution. I've heard and read stories of narcissistic parents sex-trafficking their own child, holding them captive and locked up and convincing them it's right to do this, using brutal punishments to 'train' them into inhumane slave-like behaviour, keeping the children in state so terrified the children wished they were dead. And in all those cases, they still convinced the children to love their parents, and to never blame them for any kind of abuse. Yes, even in the sex-trafficking cases.

Fighting for those children to realize that they didn't deserve that, is the only correct thing to do. Fighting to help them realize they're in danger, and that they deserve safely, it's not only right but extremely necessary, it's what we all should be putting all of our energy into.

Wanting to keep others safe will never be wrong. Wanting to protect those who still have their identity, their sense of self, their undamaged humanity, their free will and their point of view, that's worth fighting for! And above all, those who already lost it all, need to be protected. We cannot allow for already badly wounded people to be dehumanized over and over again. Nobody deserves that.

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

I think we should normalize active parenting. Like we have plenty of examples of neglectful parents, we should get some of active parents. Also, to all the parents already doing the stuff below, great work.

I don't have kids, but I was a kid, and I think these are things parents should know.

If your child comes to you with a concern, no matter how insignificant or stupid you personally find it, take them seriously. It is important to them, even if it isn't important to you. Also, they wouldn't bring it up to you unless they thought it was important. Taking your children's "smaller" concerns seriously will make it far more likely they will come to you with the biger ones. Also, if it's a problem you can't solve, there is no shame in getting outside help, even if it means "exposing" the fact things aren't perfect. You cannot solve every single one of your child's problems alone. And you should help them solve problems, so you aren't solving everything for them. They do need to learn how to solve things on their own, like fights with siblings, or schoolwork. WITHIN REASON. If your child brings up to you that one of their siblings is depressed, or is struggling with something else like that (I.e. an eating disorder or self harm, or other mental illnesses), or otherwise heavy concerns, IT SHOULD NOT BE THE CHILDS RESPONSIBILITY TO FIX IT AND HELP THE SIBLING. YOU ARE THE ADULT. NOT THEM.

No child should EVER have to be the one dealing with these things because you don't think they're important, and you want to ignore them. Just because it's common that most siblings have to be a third parent doesn't mean it should be. Sweeping it under the rug is easy, but you SHOULD NOT make your child deal with it because they knew you didn't care.

Children and teens will match your energy. If you don't care about what they say the chances of them talking to you, and/listening to you decrease dramaticlly.

Also. The same goes for when they're excited about something. Positive reinforcment will make them far more likely to succeed becasue they know you'll care. They figured out how to tie their shoes? AMAZING. They drew a really really crappy stickfigure drawing of a person petting a cat? Tell them what you like about it, (colors, bold lines, etc) and maybe sandwich in a suggestion for how they could make it better.

Further, If your child is upset about something, don't belittle them because you don't think they should be upset about it. at that point you're past they shouldn't be upset about it, they ARE upset about it. Also, this moment, right now, for them is the hardest they have ever lived. Just because they're not an adult and they're not struggling with the same things as you, doesn't make their struggles any less valid. It might not seem like it because you know that not getting an A in math is not the same level as not being able to pay rent, but it's on that level for them. Just because it's "kid" struggles, doesn't mean it's not a struggle. They deserve to have their feelings validated just as much as you do, even though it's not an adult problem. Stuff is really really really hard as a kid because you don't have the skills to cope with things and you're experiencing a lot of things for the first time in high dosages, and it's hard.

Do with this what you will, but I wish my parents had done ANY of this when I was growing up.

[secretspiritmoodboards]

Moodboard for Kevin Khatchadourian (We Need to Talk about Kevin) abusive mom/neglected/self harm/feeling dead/red/black themes For an anon~ Hope you like the look!

We're closed for now, thank you~

[uncanny-tranny]

To parents of trans kids who are scared of their kids facing transphobia:

Don't force your child out of being trans. Don't force them to detransition. This is not how your child from facing transphobia. Realistically, you are pushing them toward more dangerous situations because they will be desperate to find acceptance from anywhere they can.

I can't imagine how it feels to be a parent and worry about your child's safety or life because they are trans in this world. You have my full sympathy. While I can't speak from the experiences of a parent, I can speak from the experiences of a trans person who was once a child and why the above line of thinking is dangerous.

When I came out as trans, there was a huge proportion of time where my dad was very resistant to my transness. I couldn't understand why, but I believe part of why he was so resistant was because he was afraid somebody would assault or kill me because I am trans. That is a huge burden for him to think about. However, he went about this (valid) fear in a very destructive way.

He threatened my transition, he threatened to force me to detransition, and he threatened a lot of things. I retreated away from him, I couldn't talk to him about anything. I felt confined, unaccepted. I am lucky my friends and school were accepting, because I was vulnerable. Others haven't been lucky - so many people in that position have been taken advantage of by truly evil people.

You might think that you are protecting your child by making them appear cis, but that isn't how that plays out. Your child won't feel accepted, and chances are that if something horrific happened to them, gd-forbid, they won't come to you about that. This isn't protection, and I am sorry to say that. I am sorry that this isn't simple.

Here is how you can protect your trans child:

Make it clear you support them

Teach them self-respect, and how to listen to their gut feeling

Teach them appropriate versus inappropriate ways people can interact with them. Make sure they understand what harassment and abuse can look like - verbal, physical, and sexual

If you are still concerned for their physical safety, sign them up for self-defense classes

Leave the floor open for them to express how they are feeling and what they are thinking. Be non-judgmental when they are upset or worried

Please remember that trans people are painfully aware of the consequences of being trans in a transphobic world. Hell, one of the first trans people I learned about as a kid was killed as a result of a hate crime. We are aware of the world we live in. We have to live with that knowledge, and that is why it is imperative that you allow your trans child to express who they are and how they feel. You very well could save them by doing so.

We protect trans youth by empowering trans youth.