#adult survivor of csa

[nothing0fnothing]

My mom always used to tell me that I was so much more mature than the boys my age because "girls mature faster" and always told me to date older when I started dating.

The men in my family would tell me that the best way for me to succeed was to 1) get really thin 2) get really hot 3) marry an elderly man months from death 4) inherit his money after he died.

Constant discussions about how I shouldn't be dating teenage boys because teenage boys "only want one thing" and I should be waiting to date till my mid 20s when they've "calmed down".

But yeah it was totally my fault when a man in a position of power over me in his late 20s started dming me when I was 13 and I thought it was normal.

[kenkinning]

The worst aspect of having diagnosed PTSD is the unpredictability of it: not being full-blown triggered when you feel that you should, then being completely devastated by little things. Identity-confusion aside, this frustrates me. I recently had someone echo, word-for-word, what my abuser told me during a sexual activity about my performance, and I only felt vaguely detached from the situation, and had some slight difficulty with staying in the present. Meanwhile, I can accidentally put something flavored with artificial cherry in my mouth, and I will wake up five hours later in an emergency room.

Please share your thoughts on this, if you have any.

[ivan-braginski-2001]

Antis are a prime example of why gatekeeping is actually good sometimes....

[blatantlyhidden]

.

[mildew-mop]

DID is like compartmentalized childhood PTSD.

[charliespringverse]

rewatching house led to me infodumping at my mother about ao3 and gen z purity culture and honestly . if she didn't want these things to happen to her she shouldn't have had children with a man so incredibly neurodivergent

[nothing0fnothing]

Being an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse is so weird because what do you mean sex is normal and healthy? I have literally no framework through which to understand that.

Like yes, I'm an adult woman and I understand logically that there is nothing wrong with exploring my sexuality with my girlfriend and sharing feelings of desire and being desired, but also, I sort of don't want to.

I don't want to be looked at sexually. It makes me feel vulnerable. Vulnerability with your partner isn't bad, but it's also a mood killer. I don't want to look at my girlfriend sexually either. It makes me feel perverted and dirty and like I'm making her dirty by imposing my sexuality on her. Its fully in my own head, my girlfriend doesn't share these feelings. My girlfriend is, obviously, an adult woman and she likes to feel desired by her partner from time to time but I just can't seem to untangle all that sexual abuse trauma enough to give that to her.

It's hard man. I know it's not my fault. I know what other people did to me isn't a reflection of me, but I'm in this situation and it makes me feel like I'm sexually incompetent. I have girl friends and when we have girl talks about sex, it seems everyone in my peer group is having awesome, shame free, liberated sex, while I'm annexed to the prude corner, doomed to a life of shameful orgasms and sexual inadequacy.

[mildew-mop]

The physical repulsion of being able to recall childhood memories.

[identitty-dickruption]

as a CSA survivor I honestly think that the number one way to prevent child abuse is to surround kids with adults who treat them with respect. partially because it means there are people for kids to turn to in times of crisis. but also it makes kids way less vulnerable to the magnetism of “wow this adult is the first person to treat me as a human being. better do whatever I can to keep their respect”

[bijoumikhawal]

To me it was heavily implied that Onaya was a leannán sídhe, a magical woman from the fairy mounds who takes human lovers, often thought to serve as a muse like figure- though she eventually drives her lovers to madness and death.

I think some of my more favorite episodes of Star Trek is when something absolutely incomprehensibly weird happens, things that break or nearly break the already bent rules of physics Star Trek operates under.

Like "The Muse", S4E21 of DS9. What exactly was Onaya? It could apparently use psionic energy and chakra points to stimulate the minds of creative people, and in doing so seemed to drain them in some way, eventually causing permanent damage and death to the subject. It was also, apparently, extremely long-lived if not immortal, as it claimed inspiring creative people as far back as Keats from Earth, who died in 1821, hundreds of years in the past. Then, when it is confronted at the end of the episode, it turns into a ball of light and passes through the walls and out into the vacuum of space.

Who is it? What is it? Are there more of its kind? How did its powers really work?

Nothing is explained. It's never mentioned again.

10/10 incomprehensible, I love it.

(also this is the Odo/Lwaxana wedding episode so it's a favorite of mine for that reason, too)

[ashbeneviento]

Because apparently we are still having this discussion in 2024..

Donna does not have “the mind of a child”. I can kind of see how someone might interpret that, but it’s not canon and therefore REALLY weird and infantilizing towards mentally ill adults. The only thing Donna’s file says is that she has severe mental illness. My theroy is DID but let’s save that for another day.

When Miranda calls her mentally underdeveloped, “underdeveloped” does not mean childlike. You have to understand that Miranda is specifically talking about Donna’s cadou affinity, which Miranda deems unfit due to the fact that Donna has shared hers amongst Angie and the other dolls-making her “weaker” in Miranda’s eyes.

Just because Donna “plays with dolls” also doesn’t mean she has the mind of a child. Like this woman canonically murders people, regardless of if it’s Miranda’s fault or not, and does so by knowingly drugging her victims and letting those same dolls (controlled by HER) to slice and dice them.

I’m tired of being perceived as a creep by those who conjured up this unverifiable narrative. Calling anyone who finds Donna attractive pe**philic is also a really big accusation to put on someone, especially when you believe something that was never canon. As someone who is a survivor of CSA myself, you are doing nothing of value to help us. Especially if you’re going to accuse us of such things.

Stop infantilizing mental illness and mentally ill people, too.

Donna may be my little gothic cupcake smoochie bear, but.. she’s still a full grown adult who very much thinks like one and ✨kills people✨.

Rant over, back to our regular program

[nothing0fnothing]

One of the most wonderful things about the adult survivor community is the presence of older women in the community. These are women who bring their maturity and their experience to those of us who are only just finding our voice. Women who, even decades past their abuse and years into therapy still now share their stories. They're nothing but frank and open about how even now, their early experiences adversely effect them.

These women are the first to tell us younger people to not compare ourselves and our social, emotional and career progress to our untraumatised peers because age is the only factor we have in common with them. These women are the first to tell us its okay to still be hurt and reeling and struggling ten years after the abuse, because they are decades past theirs and deal with the same feelings we do. They are there to bring us hope and support when we need it because they understand, and are our cheerleaders even when we feel like our victories are too small to celebrate.

These women are the backbone of our community and have been my beacons of light when my world felt very alone and very dark.

Thank you. All of you. But especially Cathy, who has been my personal rock since I started this blog and long before. I'm not sure where I'd be without you. I cannot repay you.

[milkdrinkingchampion]

<3

lolicon: um actually a child being assaulted is actually the hottest thing ever. i get so turned on by the idea of an adult abusing a minor!

random individual: that's disgusting, how could you have such little empathy for survivors of CSA? and why are you not ashamed of the fact that simulated child porn arouses you?

lolicon: no no you are completely misunderstanding what i am saying. i actually meant that i am superr turned on by the idea of a FICTIONAL, ANIMATED child being abused by a FICTIONAL, ANIMATED adult. therefore i am completely correct and this means what i am doing is harmless. also you're kink-shaming me.

random individual: but that makes no sense. you haven't provided any actual reason as to why lolicon is safe to consume, why should i agree with you?

lolicon: *sexual threat*

Relationship between child pornography and child sexual abuse - Wikipedia

Is Japan turning a blind eye to paedophilia? - BBC Three

Effects of pornography on young people - Wikipedia

[ridragon]

I think it's important to include that Bogleech actually lived through the satanic panic, unlike probably a lot of people arguing that his viewpoints are similar??? Hello???

it fucking sucks bc i genuinely enjoy his creative content, awful hospital specifically is very good, but his weird insistence that Certain Immoral Art has a unique, direct effect on real actual life that other dark art lacks has just ruined it for me

Yeah, i was never a follower of his, anon, but it sucks he was ruined for you.

It's just weird how some of the people who should get how Satanic Panic this all is (horror people, furries) suddenly get blinders on. Oh well.

[stackslip]

a lot of csa is perpetrated by other children, or by parents/close relatives; the reality of the stranger danger idea of csa is that it's far less prevalent than these first two cases

however, among csa survivors who WERE harmed by adults outside their family, there is a recurring theme and that theme is that said adult would groom them first by treating them as a person. by listening to them and their problems instead of yelling at them or ignoring them or shutting them down. by treating their words like they're as important as any adult's. sometimes by offering shelter or help from an abusive home or school environment. by affirming them and making them feel like they're not a second class citizen person and human. by giving them attention and care.

and i am not saying all of this to exonerate child abusers or say the children were lucky to get that attention. i am pointing out that many many kids are so dehumanized and abused in their everyday life, with no ability to escape, that it's natural that they'll turn to the person who simply treats them as a human being even if with ulterior motives. and maybe the whole csa stranger danger would be less prevalent if children weren't systematically disenfranchised

[ineffectualdemon]

A lot of people who claim to be concerned about child sex abuse sure aren't willing to deal with the reality of grown survivors of child sex abuse

There is idea that victims of CSA are children and do not exist outside of the time they were abused as a child.

We are an episode of Law and Order SVU and not actual humans who grow up

The reality of grown adults who survived child sex abuse and having long lasting impacts from that trauma that is messy and socially uncomfortable doesn't help them make arguments that hinge on invoking the perfect child victim

The reality we live is so egregious to them they want to erase us

We're only useful to them in reliving on trauma for their horrified entertainment. The messy reality of living with the aftereffects makes us a problem or "dangerous" or "attention seeking"

If they actually cared about CSA then they would give a damn about the grown survivors of it