#adult survivor of csa
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
My mom always used to tell me that I was so much more mature than the boys my age because "girls mature faster" and always told me to date older when I started dating.
The men in my family would tell me that the best way for me to succeed was to 1) get really thin 2) get really hot 3) marry an elderly man months from death 4) inherit his money after he died.
Constant discussions about how I shouldn't be dating teenage boys because teenage boys "only want one thing" and I should be waiting to date till my mid 20s when they've "calmed down".
But yeah it was totally my fault when a man in a position of power over me in his late 20s started dming me when I was 13 and I thought it was normal.
#narcissistic abuse#raised by narcissists#vent post#toxic parents#complex trauma#parental abuse#childhood trauma#dysfunctional family#dysfunctional household#grooming victim#grooming survivor#tw grooming#trigger warning: grooming#adult survivor of csa#tw csa vent#csa survivor#tw csa mention#tw csa#toxic mom#toxic family#child abuse survivor
74 notes
·
View notes
Text
The worst aspect of having diagnosed PTSD is the unpredictability of it: not being full-blown triggered when you feel that you should, then being completely devastated by little things. Identity-confusion aside, this frustrates me. I recently had someone echo, word-for-word, what my abuser told me during a sexual activity about my performance, and I only felt vaguely detached from the situation, and had some slight difficulty with staying in the present. Meanwhile, I can accidentally put something flavored with artificial cherry in my mouth, and I will wake up five hours later in an emergency room.
Please share your thoughts on this, if you have any.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Antis are a prime example of why gatekeeping is actually good sometimes....
#They invade other people's spaces then act surprised when the space isn't catered to them????#anti dni#proship#profic#comship#proship do interact#proship safe#Anti anti#And like they come into fandoms for edgy stuff like South Park then act surprised when the fandom is also edgy????#Like?????#🍖🌈#🌈🍖#Also the grown adults coming into CSA survivor spaces and telling them they deserved their trauma?? Like....#Sometimes gatekeeping isn't actually that bad actually.
168 notes
·
View notes
Text
#'vent art#'trauma vent art#'csa#'sa#survivors guilt#seen a whole bunch of people talking about how they feel awful for not telling cause other kids probably got hurt too#we were just kids. it was never our responsibility to tell. they shouldn't have done it in the first place. adults should have noticed when#they did.#its not your fault i promise#this piece is my little attempt to combat some of those feelings#'csa vent art
124 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#tw csa#why is it that nobody cares about you as a csa survivor once you're an adult#it feels like everybody just wants you to deal with it on your own#at least that has been my experience#not even when your trauma is untreated#but by god don't you dare bother anybody with it#nobody wants to hear about bc it's uncomfortable#and therefore it's creating this environment of “don't you dare say something!!!” which is exactly what i was taught as a child#it makes me furious#like hello i didn't pick this#pls don't feel pressured to respond or anything i just need to vent#i'm sorry for the oversharing#i am going insane#venting
13 notes
·
View notes
Text
DID is like compartmentalized childhood PTSD.
#sometimes#when it doesn’t feel as blurry#here’s biscuit (the shit that happened that one time)#here’s jinx (the shit that happened that other time#)#ect etc etc#the squid system 🦑#nebula 🪐🦑#childhood trauma#csa survivor#did system#adult dissociative system#dissociative identity disorder#actually dissociative#actually traumatized#actually traumagenic#did osdd#endos do not interact
74 notes
·
View notes
Text
rewatching house led to me infodumping at my mother about ao3 and gen z purity culture and honestly . if she didn't want these things to happen to her she shouldn't have had children with a man so incredibly neurodivergent
#there was a logical progression to the infodump . but i fear it was only logical in an adhd way#bc my friend went ''u can rlly tell this is early 2000s bc they wouldn't let him say things like that today''#which led to the ''they Could theoretically make it but like . toned down and also no character would ever be able to agree w him''#which led to the thing of how audiences seem unable to separate depiction from endorsement#like the whole ''if a character is transphobic and nobody in-world calls them evil and wrong then the creator must be transphobic'' thing#which led to the tag system on ao3 and the proship/anti thing abt whether the existence of the archive warning system means they're —#- endorsing/supporting works that contain 'problematic' themes and content#which led to me ranting abt the reasons Why ppl create dark media (eg a story abt csa could be written by a nonce or a survivor)#and my mother was just Sat There like 🧍🏻♂️ bc she's a 60 yr old woman and doesn't care about fanfiction or proship/anti discourse#i do this rant/infodump a Lot tho like it's on my mind very often . i love rambling for nearly an hour abt stupid internet culyure#also the quote i think best sums up my entire stance on the proship vs anti thing is from sarah z's video on it#''i am a tax paying adult woman not a member of a fucking fandom war sports team'' which is so me except that i'm a man n i don't pay taxes#((i'm not a tax evader i just don't meet the threshold to pay them))#anygay . i get on a plane in like 15 hours and i need to sleep#jay screams into the void
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Being an adult survivor of childhood sexual abuse is so weird because what do you mean sex is normal and healthy? I have literally no framework through which to understand that.
Like yes, I'm an adult woman and I understand logically that there is nothing wrong with exploring my sexuality with my girlfriend and sharing feelings of desire and being desired, but also, I sort of don't want to.
I don't want to be looked at sexually. It makes me feel vulnerable. Vulnerability with your partner isn't bad, but it's also a mood killer. I don't want to look at my girlfriend sexually either. It makes me feel perverted and dirty and like I'm making her dirty by imposing my sexuality on her. Its fully in my own head, my girlfriend doesn't share these feelings. My girlfriend is, obviously, an adult woman and she likes to feel desired by her partner from time to time but I just can't seem to untangle all that sexual abuse trauma enough to give that to her.
It's hard man. I know it's not my fault. I know what other people did to me isn't a reflection of me, but I'm in this situation and it makes me feel like I'm sexually incompetent. I have girl friends and when we have girl talks about sex, it seems everyone in my peer group is having awesome, shame free, liberated sex, while I'm annexed to the prude corner, doomed to a life of shameful orgasms and sexual inadequacy.
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
The physical repulsion of being able to recall childhood memories.
#the worst is if they were positive at the time#or even neutral#it now that im an adult i am able to recognize how horrifying they really were#plus the bonus of dissociating so it feels like it didn’t happen#but you recognize how horrible and heartbreaking and disgusting it was#blurry ❓🦑#anaconda 🦎🦑#idk who is fronting#🦑 lore#dissociative vent#dissociation vent#vent post#vent sfuff#did system#childhood trauma#csa survivor#endos do not interact
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
as a CSA survivor I honestly think that the number one way to prevent child abuse is to surround kids with adults who treat them with respect. partially because it means there are people for kids to turn to in times of crisis. but also it makes kids way less vulnerable to the magnetism of “wow this adult is the first person to treat me as a human being. better do whatever I can to keep their respect”
9K notes
·
View notes
Text
To me it was heavily implied that Onaya was a leannán sídhe, a magical woman from the fairy mounds who takes human lovers, often thought to serve as a muse like figure- though she eventually drives her lovers to madness and death.
I think some of my more favorite episodes of Star Trek is when something absolutely incomprehensibly weird happens, things that break or nearly break the already bent rules of physics Star Trek operates under.
Like "The Muse", S4E21 of DS9. What exactly was Onaya? It could apparently use psionic energy and chakra points to stimulate the minds of creative people, and in doing so seemed to drain them in some way, eventually causing permanent damage and death to the subject. It was also, apparently, extremely long-lived if not immortal, as it claimed inspiring creative people as far back as Keats from Earth, who died in 1821, hundreds of years in the past. Then, when it is confronted at the end of the episode, it turns into a ball of light and passes through the walls and out into the vacuum of space.
Who is it? What is it? Are there more of its kind? How did its powers really work?
Nothing is explained. It's never mentioned again.
10/10 incomprehensible, I love it.
(also this is the Odo/Lwaxana wedding episode so it's a favorite of mine for that reason, too)
#I have complicated feelings about that episode because it feels like someone in the writing team realized putting Jake in relationships with#Adult women while he was a teenager was fucked up#And chose to write an episode where for once the older woman is rightly portrayed as a predator#But after that the fact that this has happened. Multiple times is left hanging#Idk I don't think the ds9 writers would've handled an arc explicitly about CSA survivors well but. I dislike that it's left hanging
25 notes
·
View notes
Text
One of the most wonderful things about the adult survivor community is the presence of older women in the community. These are women who bring their maturity and their experience to those of us who are only just finding our voice. Women who, even decades past their abuse and years into therapy still now share their stories. They're nothing but frank and open about how even now, their early experiences adversely effect them.
These women are the first to tell us younger people to not compare ourselves and our social, emotional and career progress to our untraumatised peers because age is the only factor we have in common with them. These women are the first to tell us its okay to still be hurt and reeling and struggling ten years after the abuse, because they are decades past theirs and deal with the same feelings we do. They are there to bring us hope and support when we need it because they understand, and are our cheerleaders even when we feel like our victories are too small to celebrate.
These women are the backbone of our community and have been my beacons of light when my world felt very alone and very dark.
Thank you. All of you. But especially Cathy, who has been my personal rock since I started this blog and long before. I'm not sure where I'd be without you. I cannot repay you.
#adult survivor#adult child of abuse#adult survivor of child abuse#abuse survival#child abuse survivor#abuse survivor#csa survivor
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
Because apparently we are still having this discussion in 2024..
Donna does not have “the mind of a child”. I can kind of see how someone might interpret that, but it’s not canon and therefore REALLY weird and infantilizing towards mentally ill adults. The only thing Donna’s file says is that she has severe mental illness. My theroy is DID but let’s save that for another day.
When Miranda calls her mentally underdeveloped, “underdeveloped” does not mean childlike. You have to understand that Miranda is specifically talking about Donna’s cadou affinity, which Miranda deems unfit due to the fact that Donna has shared hers amongst Angie and the other dolls-making her “weaker” in Miranda’s eyes.
Just because Donna “plays with dolls” also doesn’t mean she has the mind of a child. Like this woman canonically murders people, regardless of if it’s Miranda’s fault or not, and does so by knowingly drugging her victims and letting those same dolls (controlled by HER) to slice and dice them.
I’m tired of being perceived as a creep by those who conjured up this unverifiable narrative. Calling anyone who finds Donna attractive pe**philic is also a really big accusation to put on someone, especially when you believe something that was never canon. As someone who is a survivor of CSA myself, you are doing nothing of value to help us. Especially if you’re going to accuse us of such things.
Stop infantilizing mental illness and mentally ill people, too.
Donna may be my little gothic cupcake smoochie bear, but.. she’s still a full grown adult who very much thinks like one and ✨kills people✨.
Rant over, back to our regular program
#resident evil village#resident evil 8#donna beneviento#re8 village#mother miranda#hi yes I’m also a mentally ill adult#who has a haunted doll collection#personal ash blurbs
208 notes
·
View notes
Text
<3
lolicon: um actually a child being assaulted is actually the hottest thing ever. i get so turned on by the idea of an adult abusing a minor!
random individual: that's disgusting, how could you have such little empathy for survivors of CSA? and why are you not ashamed of the fact that simulated child porn arouses you?
lolicon: no no you are completely misunderstanding what i am saying. i actually meant that i am superr turned on by the idea of a FICTIONAL, ANIMATED child being abused by a FICTIONAL, ANIMATED adult. therefore i am completely correct and this means what i am doing is harmless. also you're kink-shaming me.
random individual: but that makes no sense. you haven't provided any actual reason as to why lolicon is safe to consume, why should i agree with you?
lolicon: *sexual threat*
Relationship between child pornography and child sexual abuse - Wikipedia
Is Japan turning a blind eye to paedophilia? - BBC Three
Effects of pornography on young people - Wikipedia
#actually proship safe#proship safe#proshippers please interact#proship#proshipping#anti anti#proshipping is harmless#proud proshipper#proshippers do touch#profic#profiction#proshippers welcome#profic safe#comshippers are valid#comshippers please interact#proshipping is valid#proshippers are valid#proshipper safe
197 notes
·
View notes
Note
I think it's important to include that Bogleech actually lived through the satanic panic, unlike probably a lot of people arguing that his viewpoints are similar??? Hello???
it fucking sucks bc i genuinely enjoy his creative content, awful hospital specifically is very good, but his weird insistence that Certain Immoral Art has a unique, direct effect on real actual life that other dark art lacks has just ruined it for me
Yeah, i was never a follower of his, anon, but it sucks he was ruined for you.
It's just weird how some of the people who should get how Satanic Panic this all is (horror people, furries) suddenly get blinders on. Oh well.
#bro people saying its a slippery slope to censoring everything#and that itll lead to censorship of everything like gay stuff in general#my dude did you just admit you cant tell the difference between a gay person and a pedo? because thats what they imply wheb they say that#this is exactly what im saying i dont think people should just be able to look on the surface web for this stuff........ like you shouldn't#you shouldbt be able to fucking google cp even if it's fiction???? why is this an issue???#theres a difference between pokemon is secretly making kids satanists and hey normalizing child x adult relationships has had tangible#efftcs on people#LIKE MEEEEEE! :D#i really wish! people didnt act like child and adult was so hot! because i fucking did it as a kid because of that you fucking freaks#nice that a csa survivor is continuing to perpetuate it. id tell you to kys but i dont want bog to be mad at me#contrats! you're now the predator. good job!#the only thing stopping me from wanting to tear you to bits with my teeth is bogleech really is not the kind of dude who would want that.
370 notes
·
View notes
Text
a lot of csa is perpetrated by other children, or by parents/close relatives; the reality of the stranger danger idea of csa is that it's far less prevalent than these first two cases
however, among csa survivors who WERE harmed by adults outside their family, there is a recurring theme and that theme is that said adult would groom them first by treating them as a person. by listening to them and their problems instead of yelling at them or ignoring them or shutting them down. by treating their words like they're as important as any adult's. sometimes by offering shelter or help from an abusive home or school environment. by affirming them and making them feel like they're not a second class citizen person and human. by giving them attention and care.
and i am not saying all of this to exonerate child abusers or say the children were lucky to get that attention. i am pointing out that many many kids are so dehumanized and abused in their everyday life, with no ability to escape, that it's natural that they'll turn to the person who simply treats them as a human being even if with ulterior motives. and maybe the whole csa stranger danger would be less prevalent if children weren't systematically disenfranchised
169 notes
·
View notes