#Therapy is good

[spaceshipsandpurpledrank]

This just in: according to UK alcoholism > therapy

[bo-bo-bean]

"Saying sorry a lot is a trauma response"

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

I think we should normalize active parenting. Like we have plenty of examples of neglectful parents, we should get some of active parents. Also, to all the parents already doing the stuff below, great work.

I don't have kids, but I was a kid, and I think these are things parents should know.

If your child comes to you with a concern, no matter how insignificant or stupid you personally find it, take them seriously. It is important to them, even if it isn't important to you. Also, they wouldn't bring it up to you unless they thought it was important. Taking your children's "smaller" concerns seriously will make it far more likely they will come to you with the biger ones. Also, if it's a problem you can't solve, there is no shame in getting outside help, even if it means "exposing" the fact things aren't perfect. You cannot solve every single one of your child's problems alone. And you should help them solve problems, so you aren't solving everything for them. They do need to learn how to solve things on their own, like fights with siblings, or schoolwork. WITHIN REASON. If your child brings up to you that one of their siblings is depressed, or is struggling with something else like that (I.e. an eating disorder or self harm, or other mental illnesses), or otherwise heavy concerns, IT SHOULD NOT BE THE CHILDS RESPONSIBILITY TO FIX IT AND HELP THE SIBLING. YOU ARE THE ADULT. NOT THEM.

No child should EVER have to be the one dealing with these things because you don't think they're important, and you want to ignore them. Just because it's common that most siblings have to be a third parent doesn't mean it should be. Sweeping it under the rug is easy, but you SHOULD NOT make your child deal with it because they knew you didn't care.

Children and teens will match your energy. If you don't care about what they say the chances of them talking to you, and/listening to you decrease dramaticlly.

Also. The same goes for when they're excited about something. Positive reinforcment will make them far more likely to succeed becasue they know you'll care. They figured out how to tie their shoes? AMAZING. They drew a really really crappy stickfigure drawing of a person petting a cat? Tell them what you like about it, (colors, bold lines, etc) and maybe sandwich in a suggestion for how they could make it better.

Further, If your child is upset about something, don't belittle them because you don't think they should be upset about it. at that point you're past they shouldn't be upset about it, they ARE upset about it. Also, this moment, right now, for them is the hardest they have ever lived. Just because they're not an adult and they're not struggling with the same things as you, doesn't make their struggles any less valid. It might not seem like it because you know that not getting an A in math is not the same level as not being able to pay rent, but it's on that level for them. Just because it's "kid" struggles, doesn't mean it's not a struggle. They deserve to have their feelings validated just as much as you do, even though it's not an adult problem. Stuff is really really really hard as a kid because you don't have the skills to cope with things and you're experiencing a lot of things for the first time in high dosages, and it's hard.

Do with this what you will, but I wish my parents had done ANY of this when I was growing up.

[probablywhisper]

Oh goodness, guys I’m a multi shipper at heart and Hazel was my first OC and in the Undertale fandom

So yeah unfortunately she might have a lot of boyfriends

So Hazel x Dust, ship name Pyroclastic

(Though Hazel only has minor fire associations)

Also this version of Dust has had therapy so hurray

Also also someone tell me who this guy belongs to

[iamenoughonmyown]

I'm so grateful for my therapist 💕🧿 she has saved my life on countless occasions. She stayed one hour extra when I was having a really rough night. She holds space for me and helps me on my journey to heal and love myself and she inspired me to become a clinical psychologist like her. 🥹🌻

[ultimateaclrecovery]

My therapist asked me Tuesday if I thought part of why I keep debating whether to stay with my boyfriend or not (for those who missed it I broke up with him in March and then got back together a week later because I hadn’t actually given him a chance to respond to or change to the things I was unhappy about) was because I struggle with my making decisions in general.

And wow did that hit me like a ton of bricks. Now I’m no chidi from the hood place, but like I do agonize over a lot of decisions. (See my recent flight angst and every meaningless poll I’ve made here.) and it sounds weird but it was deeply relieving. It’s nice to know where a lot of the angst comes from. It also explains in part why the idea of breaking up with him feels like it would be a relief, because then the decision would be over and I wouldn’t have to make it anymore (in addition to the schedule relief) whereas staying together is more ongoing decision so the decision angst continues.

And not that that means we won’t break up still in the future, there’s a reason for the doubts after all but it’s nice to identify the source of some of the comfort and that it’s an okay source. Removes some of the meta worry (being worried about the angst, don’t have to worry about being stressed about the decision if you know you’re just stressed because decisions are hard)

She also brought up how we can’t ever be 100% sure of anything and that it’s okay to have things not be perfect.

So know I have made myself a little decision making spreadsheet to help me track how I feel about my boyfriend and whether or not I want to keep dating him. The hope being to stop the doom spiral from anytime something slightly upsets me and deciding that must mean he’s the worst for me and I need to break up with him and die alone. Because that’s not helpful or representative really of whether he’s a good fit for me or not.

And maybe it’s slightly neurotic to rank how feel about interactions with my bf, but I love me some data. And laying things out clearly to really see patterns. And see what’s actually happen verses getting distracted by doom spiraling (or conversely letting one good moment (or good sex and all those feel good hormones) ) over shadow the rest

[writebackatya]

“Maybe YOU should go to therapy!” -Your blorbo if they could talk back

[jasontoddsguns]

actual thought i had today: hm. i should go back to therapy so i can rant about how much i hate people push the reconciliation narrative on jason todd. this would definitely be a good use of money and time. and also be a very thinly veiled cry for help because i would speckle in details about how similar bruce and my parents are.

i need to get out of the house more my brain is rotting

There is no good way to respond to this, but therapy is always a good idea 👍

[msc137]

so far in therapy, whats been the most rewarding part?

i expected therapy to be like, sort of an endless list of things i was doing wrong, but it hasnt been. its been really nice to hear that there are some things ive been doing right.

like, just this last wednesday, when i told dr vep about my, uh, relapse. she said it was good that i drank around someone i knew instead of going off around a bunch of strangers.

sidenote: her expression was fucking hilarious when i told her that the reason i missed my last session was that i had amnesia. and then her jaw dropped even more when i told her that i owe another favor to the person that caused said amnesia.

i think its also been pretty rewarding to just, hear from someone outside of it all just how fucked up and insane my life is sometimes.

[captain-lessship]

sometimes life is about choosing a skrunkly older man and treating him well in your mind, knowing you’ll get a deep enjoyment from it and that’s it.

[anxietiesman]

a quote from ~therapy~ today that really resonated with me!

just because the trauma that was imposed upon me throughout my life wasn't my fault, that doesn't mean that it isn't my responsibility. sure, it can be helpful and even appropriate at times to get reassurance from others, or even rely on other people sometimes, but that doesn't mean i can make it my only source of validation or reassurance.

[rivvyelf]

On Therapy

Warning: I'm going to discuss about my 1 minor and 1 major trauma of mine. The minor one involves being deceived and the major one involves death.

This is a bit untimely, as I realized I was shadowbanned 3 days ago and thought nobody would see this post. And yes, I do write for myself but I also believe in sharing wisdom. Because I'm shadowbanned, I can't comment on posts, respond to comments (outside of these posts), or message people, and I don't think my reblogs and likes even show up. I think only people who follow me can see this post, but oh well. Hopefully, it doesn't take months or years like others who've been shadowbanned for this post to be seen outside my circle.

I'm putting a "read more" separator here.

I'm piggybacking @brasideios' post from 3-4 days ago on therapy and the importance of seeking it compared to the massive potential disaster of unresolved trauma and untreated illness. I'm going to share my experience of 1 minor trauma and 1 major trauma of mine and how therapy could've helped both.

Minor trauma: Deception

This was years ago so I didn't realize that I was still affected by me being gaslit years ago. I thought I was friends with someone. I commented a bunch on their FB posts. Later found out those comments were deleted. I asked why. Instead of telling me that they didn't want my comments to be seen by peers outside our circle (social butterfly), they tell me that it was FB's fault. I kept on commenting, and those comments kept on being deleted. Asked FB, FB denied such a glitch. Confronted friend. Things got ugly, but the worst that came was a broken friendship.

It was only recently that I realized that I don't have a trigger, per se, but a fuse that can be lit if I make compliments to people I've interacted with a bunch before, but those compliments get erased without any explanation. It's a fuse because it'll easily turn off if the person gives a reason. If there isn't a reason, the longer time goes the less rational I become. I realize now that it's because I didn't want to relive that memory, the feeling of being lied to, of being deceived, and losing a friendship (if we ever had one, to begin with).

I realized this after the fact because it happened again, except I put all of the blame on myself. I didn't directly ask "Why are you deleting my comments?" I blamed the social media site, believed the best in the person I was communicating to, and so on. I still don't know what happened... and let's be honest here, I probably won't. By the time I realized that the website was working fine, the long fuse was now a short fuse. Things snowballed. Comments kept on getting deleted. In one day, as I chose to unlock my likes and follows (may close those again if I get more spam accounts communicating with me), all of the remaining comments I gave to that person were deleted. I couldn't handle it. Ended up making them uncomfortable. We don't communicate anymore.

I still am beating myself up over this because if I had a therapist at the time, they would've easily identified the memory in the past that I identified a lot quicker. Then the solution could've been: politely ask them why comments are being deleted. Stop commenting on their stuff, wait for a response for like a month. Then prod again. Be patient. People are busy. If there's no response within a reasonable amount of time, just don't make a big deal out of it and do other things. Forget about the person and carry on with what you're doing. Don't let your imagination take over.

All a reasonable therapist would've asked was "Do you remember if a similar event ever happened to you in the past?" and things would've probably been resolved quickly, for good or ill.

Now I know, some of you are saying "Hey! That's a simple question, you should've thought it yourself at the time." To which I respond, "There's a term in history called 'backseat historian' and you're one right now." Unresolved trauma leads to illogical responses. And I'm paying for that right now. So, even for things you thought were buried and done, it could arise again, like it did with me.

Now on to the Major Trauma: Death

My mom passed away in early 2021. It was hell. Lost 1.5 years of my life because I just... we never said goodbye. And a growing part of me believes that once we die, we'll never see each other again.

Now this one would've required a very very special therapist who was an expert in Ruist culture. I didn't want a therapist that was trained in classic Western Psychology because Chinese culture was absolutely almost ruined beyond compare by Imperial Europe and America (Anti-LGBTQIA+, reinforcement of binary gender down to adding gendered pronouns in written Chinese, Stalinism, Short Hair for men [okay that's my personal belief], clothing, spheres of influence, etc.) and psychology played a massive part! I needed an expert in filial piety and annihilationism (I think that's the belief that once we die, there's no afterlife and we disappear forever).

For me, I was in a state of despair that nobody could really understand me. So I didn't seek therapy. 1.5 years down the drain. I regret that decision because, yeah, there's a high likelihood where I just storm off after the first 5 minutes, but referrals exist and I could've done a lot more research.

It wasn't until I started creatively writing that I began to heal. I write stuff that my Mom doesn't agree with (the changing of history, getting certain Chinese culture details wrong, LGBTQIA+ since she was Christian and I didn't hear her say a good thing about homosexuality). Believe it or not, this helped a lot.

But I'm certain a therapist could've dug that out too. Creatively writing about topics that would make a deceased person yell at you isn't exclusive to Ruist/Chinese culture. It probably would've taken a lot of time, swapping around different therapists, but I feel that I could've healed quicker if I went to a therapist.

Yeah, that's my story. Glad you stuck out until the end if you made it this far. Don't be afraid of seeking a therapist.

[inthepoemsandthesands]

therapy

it was so easy to blame my parents

for not getting me help

for not noticing that i needed it

i blamed them so i did not have to blame myself

for not advocating

for being scared

for disregarding all the advice i give to other people

but now they noticed

and im still scared

and what i've thought i needed for so long

maybe won't work after all

[cleosven]

Sometimes I wonder what Dr. Kinbott would think about me if she read my books before a session like she read Wednesday’s 🤔🤔🤔

[that-wierd-guy]

Hah jokes on you, i already need years of therapy anyways so thats not gonna be a problem.... yeah maybe i should look for one anyways.

Never fear, for I am a (unlicensed/terrible/illegal) therapist!! I have about a 2% success rate with my patients. Don't ask what happens to the other 97%! My usual rate is about $29,000 an hour, but as a special deal for you I'll work for a bowl of clam chowder. You may set up an appointment with my receptionist (don't look her in the eye though, because she will feel challenged and be compelled to assert dominance by ripping off your face).

I look forward to our first session!

[loonyblobs]

Total damsel in distress right now....

Just need a therapist instead of prince charming.