thingsidonttellmytherapist

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

I had therapy yesterday. I completely shut down. I looked at my therapist once at the very end. My body was just small and tense, and I looked at the floor.

We spent most of it in silence. My therapist mentioned that I was a totally different person this session from the last. Completely open last session and then extremely shut off this session.

And they're right. I didn't have the words. I couldn't get any words to come out. I'm having nightmares. I'm having flashbacks. I can't be intimate in any regard with my partner. I can't even be emotionally intimate. I can't seem to let anyone in.

So many things are happening, and I can't seem to say any of it. I'm drowning.

It does feel like im drowning for good this time.

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

I have been lying to everyone all the time “Are you feeling any better?” Yes. “Do you still want to hurt yourself?” No. “Are you safe?” Yes. “Do you still have thoughts about killing your self?” No. “Are you going to take care of yourself?” Yes. “Do you have plans to kill yourself?” No. In reality I think I’ll be dead this time next year but I’m not telling anyone, I just want to go home.

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

Thing is, the more hurt i am, the more i protect others from what hurt me

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

It's when the truck coming at you sounds like a relief that you need to start to worry again

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

my urge to kill myself is increasing by every second

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

Normal people are outraged at the mere idea of cutting themselves and having lasting scars, yet i feel like i needed more to be legit even though my scars look shredded after the 7 years of cutting i put them through

I’m fucked. A normal person wouldn’t want more scars.

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

Fantasizing about sitting on the bathroom floor with blood gushing from my wrists as everything starts to go blurry

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

it feels like i will never be able to get rid of the feeling that i don't belong anywhere.

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

i do find it funny that while the concept of being abused by a narcissist is definitely a thing where i live, the actual term “narcissistic abuse” is not.

“actually the term narc abuse is a well known thing” it’s not tho, ur just american.

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

When their hands met on the glass I totally lost it.

Moments in The Star Beast that had my soul leaving my body:

3/4 The Emotional Journey of the DoctorDonna

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

Sorry I never responded to your DM

I was overwhelmed by the concept of

Being Perceived

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

[thingsidonttellmytherapist]

Oh no!!!! It's right!!!