#tw: insecurity

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 22

Chapter 22 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Buck is completely blindsided by Eddie’s sudden request to divorce. In an attempt to talk about it, they end up fighting, which makes the possibility of a divorce only more looming.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn)

Warnings: referenced emotionally abusive parents, insecurity

~~~

Chapter 22: Till Divorce Do Us Part

Buck nearly drops the glass he’s washing at Eddie’s words. Scrambling for a moment, before he squeaks out: “What?”

“I think we should get divorced,” Eddie repeats those horrible words, staring down intently at the dishes he’s drying instead of Buck.

“Uhm, why- wha- what brought this on?” Buck stutters, trying to be casual and failing. He can’t show how much this crushes him, can’t let Eddie know how much he wants him to stay.

Internally he is quickly combing through the past few weeks to see if he can come up with the answer himself. To see if he should have seen this coming.

With Carla in the picture things have been going better, but he didn’t realize it was ‘Buck can be replaced’-going-better. Eddie never said anything to indicate that would be the case.

Besides, financially it would be difficult to maintain Chris’s new school – which he loves – and Carla, not to mention their mortgage. So that doesn’t make sense. Though it is possible, a treacherous voice in the back of his head tells him.

He missed the school tour and Halloween, but he couldn’t do anything about it. Eddie personally tried to get him off for Halloween, he knew it hadn’t been on Buck. Is that he thinks that if he can do that alone, he can do it all alone?

It would make sense, but Eddie involved him, right? He helped prep for Buck’s tour, hell, Buck toured the school. He is registered there. Is Eddie immediately going to change that now that Chris is in? Was it just to present a more stable life to the school to get Chris in?

No, that doesn’t feel like Eddie. Eddie is kind and good, even if he’s a bitch sometimes. He pep talked Buck about getting to be there for Chris. That can’t be it. He understood.

Oh god, he must have met someone. They’d always said they would just divorce once other people got into the picture, it has always been nothing more than a marriage of convenience, not a lifelong commitment. The reminder leaves a foul taste in his mouth and he can’t help the jealousy at whatever mystery woman Eddie met. One he didn’t share anything about, he might add, even if he’s now divorcing him over her.

Not wanting Eddie to break it to him, he quickly continues talking before Eddie can. “Oh, of course, my bad. Why didn’t you say? What’s her name?”

“Maddie.”

Wait what?

“Excuse me,” Buck coughs, choking on his own spit.

Next to him Eddie flushes a brilliant shade of red, which Buck would have been able to appreciate more, were he not in the middle of getting his heart broken. Even though he really shouldn’t. Eddie has never been into him, he always knew that, but it truly felt like they were in this together, like this was a commitment on both their parts. Yet here he is.

Though, he never thought it would be Maddie. Maybe this girl Eddie met just happens to share the name or something?

He gets distracted by Eddie’s strong hand slapping him on the back until he stops coughing. His face concerned, though turns back into something horridly, awkwardly uncomfortable once Buck starts breathing normally again. It would be funny, if the circumstances were different.

“Not like that,” Eddie says and Buck can’t help but be relieved, because while he knows jealousy isn’t cool, he knows he will be insanely jealous of the woman that will quite literally snatch his husband away from him.

To cover for his relief, he hides the happy note in his voice by joking: “Good, cause otherwise Chim might kick you.”

“Shut up,” Eddie groans, still very much embarrassed, but at least not as tense anymore. “I’m trying to be nice.”

“By suddenly ambushing me with a divorce?” Buck counters, cringing when it sounds a little too raw, too accusatorial.

Eddie doesn’t meet his eyes. He hasn’t really for the entire conversation. He just stares at the drying rack and picks up a plate, angrily drying it in silence. Buck desperately wants to fill the silence like he so often does, chattering for the sake of chattering. Eddie likes it when he babbles, said so himself when he came home after touring the school.

Home… like he soon might not have anymore, because of Maddie? Because Eddie thinks divorcing him is being nice? He’s so confused and a little hurt. It’s enough to give him the patience to wait Eddie out.

Sure enough, a minute or so later, Eddie breaks. “I just don’t want you to miss out on time with your family because of me.”

The failed attempt to tell Maddie three days prior comes back to him, but he never guessed that this is what Eddie would take from it. That now that Maddie is here, Buck would rather want to spend with her than with Eddie and Chris. That he has real family to spend time with now, because this was never his family to begin with, no matter how much house they played.

“Is this about Christmas?” he asks. “I can still try and see if Maddie wants to spend it with me, so you can enjoy it with Chris and tía Pepa.”

“What?” Eddie frowns.

“If you don’t want me at Christmas so you can have one with only family, you can just say that. I get it,” he says, feeling the bile in his throat.

Eddie whips around so fast he startles Buck a little. For the first time he looks at him, eyes burning fiercely. “What the fuck are you on about, Buck? It won’t be only family without you there.”

Despite the bit of warmth bubbling up in his chest, he can’t help but feel like Eddie is merely saying it because he has too. An obligatory inclusion only done out of guilt. Now it’s his turn to look away, as he quietly says: “We’re a marriage of convenience based on very convoluted circumstances. It’s okay to not want to include me.”

“No. Just no. Fuck that, Buck. You raised Chris, practically more than me. We do our taxes together, we do chores together, Abuela gives you secret family recipes. You’ve been here through more shit than anyone else, of course you’re family,” Eddie explodes.

“Well, divorcing me isn’t really sending that message,” Buck yells back, knowing it is too much, but unable to keep the hurt to himself.

“I’m trying to help you,” Eddie argues.

“It’s not working, Eddie,” Buck retorts, more desperate than angry.

“Maybe it would if you weren’t so incredibly stubborn, Evan,” Eddie says, the words hitting Buck harder than any punch would have.

Eddie might be used to people who argue back; Shannon, his parents, tía Pepa. But Buck isn’t an arguing person, not really. He can get angry and argue, but he rarely does. Prefers not to. However, the ‘Evan’ is too much. It doesn’t sound like how Eddie used to say it, he sounds like Buck’s parents.

He can feel himself shutting down and he puts the sponge on the counter before he says: “No. I am not doing this. I’m not fighting with you and you’re not calling me Evan.”

His voice is calm, but it’s not because he’s no longer upset, it’s just that his emotions have taken a vacation, because that is the only way he’s getting through this situation. With one last look at Eddie’s face – who looks devastated, a fact that would probably do something to Buck were he not feeling the way he is – he turns on his heel and walks out of the kitchen and to his room.

The door closes behind him with a definitive click and Buck just stands in his room for a moment. Today has not been what he expected when he climbed into bed this morning after his shift. His bed is still unmade, civvies still littering the floor. His room looks lived in. Loved. He can’t imagine not waking up here with the Diazes down the hall.

Mechanically he makes his bed and puts the clothes on the chair or in the laundry respectively, his body slowly becoming his own again.

Meanwhile in the kitchen Eddie is staring at the door through which Buck just disappeared, dishtowel still in his hand. He can’t believe he just did that.

He is trying so hard to make life easier for Buck and all he did was cause more problems. It’s seemingly the only thing he’s good at. Buck deserves so much better than his bullshit, but he can’t even give the guy his freedom back without fucking it all up.

Eddie should have known better. Buck never argues, doesn’t like fighting with people. He doesn’t even like it when others fight around him. The only times Eddie truly seen him angry and act on it, is with Eddie’s parents and that is only when they truly pushed too far. So to fight with him? To throw his name in his face like that after all he knows about him? That’s practically unforgivable.

He has to make this right.

Making the bed and putting his clothes away makes Buck feel better. He has settled down back in himself and calmed down enough to replay the conversation. What Eddie said didn’t make him feel great and he hates the idea of getting divorced, but it’s what they always said they’d do. He can’t not hear Eddie out, because he doesn’t want it to happen. That’s not fair on Eddie.

Still, he wonders what sort of divorce Eddie will suggest. If Buck will get to help with Chris as much as Eddie always promised or if Eddie’s solo success will make it that Buck will get a smaller role in Chris’s life.

Buck really doesn’t want to hear it. But he has to. He tries to comfort himself with the fact that Eddie seems to genuinely think it’s in his best interest. It’s not malicious, he should maybe hear Eddie out. If he isn’t still angry.

As if summoned, there is a soft knock on his door. Immediately his nerves start up again, but his resolve also hardens. He doesn’t want Chris to come home in a house where he’s fighting, he never wants that for Chris. So he calls out: “Yeah?”

“Uhm, ���m sorry,” Eddie says, the words a little muffled. He’s never been great at them when it isn’t his female relatives, so the fact that he’s saying those words to him at all is kind of touching. “Can- Can I come in?”

“Are you going to yell at me again?” Buck asks, not in the mood to be yelled at more in his room, because that means he can’t run to his room. He might be too forgiving sometimes, but he’s not completely stupid.

“No, no, I shouldn’t have yelled at all,” Eddie answers embarrassed.

“Then you can come in.”

The door is opened carefully and Eddie pokes his head in first, scanning the room and Buck to see if anything is out of place. If there is a threat. It’s a little heartbreaking and a little sweet at the same time.

“Wanna sit?” Buck asks, gesturing to his bed and very much trying to stop his brain from playing connect the dots between Eddie on his bed and other things that can be done on a bed.

Eddie nods, sitting down and looking around Buck’s room. Buck sits next to him, but Eddie doesn’t look at him. He’s used to the quirk and doesn’t take offense, instead waiting Eddie out again. It is clear he has something to say, he just doesn’t know how or is too uncomfortable to say it yet.

“Sorry,” Eddie finally says after a long silence. Two sorries, practically a record out of Eddie.

“It’s okay,” Buck says with a small smile, knocking their shoulders together.

“No, it’s not,” Eddie says, the indigence on Buck’s behalf apparently enough to help him over his discomfort. “I was a dick and you didn’t deserve that. You shouldn’t just forgive me like that.”

“Eddie, what good will it do to stay mad?” Buck states, sternly yet gentle, leveling a look at Eddie as he does.

“I don’t know? Boundaries or something?”

“God, you’re so clueless it’s sad,” Buck snorts, earning a glare. To clarify, he adds: “I can stay mad at you, but then we’ll just be fighting. Us fighting makes me sad. You’re obviously sorry and you didn’t mean it, I don’t need more than that. I’d rather just hear what you wanted to say, before it became a fight.”

“I was telling you that you’re family,” Eddie reminds him, suddenly keen to jump on the change in topic. “I thought you knew you were.”

Buck thinks the sad, kicked puppy vibe Eddie has going on now is worse than when he was mad at him. He can feel his own cheeks darken anyway, because Eddie is including him in family. Under no uncertain terms no less. It’s more than he ever dares to hope for, even if he dreams of so much more.

Timidly he confesses: “I mean, I did. I do. You- you just told me to enjoy time with family, as if I don’t do that every day. It got to me.” He looks Eddie in the eye when he says that and can see the guilt in them as the realization dawns on him.

“That’s not what I meant, at all.”

“Then what did you mean?”

“I just- I- ugh,” Eddie groans in frustration. “You’re always doing things for me. Always helping me, us.”

“I like helping out and it’s more just doing my part, we’re partners, remember?” Maybe it’s good to remind him of that, maybe that will make it so he’ll soften the blow.

“You shouldn’t have to lie to your sister.”

“And divorcing her will solve that problem how?” Buck asks, now more confused than anything. It is clear that Eddie feels guilty about something, but Buck can’t imagine what. He’s always happily been here, Eddie knows that, right?

At least that might mean he isn’t trying to get rid of Buck now that he can do it solo? Maybe he feels bad that Buck doesn’t have the support of family like he has and wants to try and fix that for him.

Not that Buck calls what Eddie’s family does support (except for Pepa and Abuela). I mean, his parents outright hate all his choices and his sisters aren’t involved in his life enough to have much of an opinion and most of the extended family is either purposefully left in the dark or a little shitty about it too.

Still, it’s sweet that he’s trying, makes Buck feel better about the whole divorce thing, but he doesn’t get how that will help.

Eddie actually perks up slightly as he gets prompted to explain his thought process. It would be kind of adorable, except he is going to explain why divorce is a good option. Now, Buck always knew this marriage would end in divorce, but he’s still going to cling to it, cling to this life he has. It is mildly pathetic, but he doesn’t care. If Eddie can be reasoned out of it, Buck is going to reason to all hell.

“Well, if we get divorced, we won’t be married anymore, thus not breaking any rules. We can say we were already in the process when I started that’s why we didn’t tell anyone. They’ll probably understand and then you can tell Maddie without worrying about her having to keep it from Chimney or us having to worry about her telling him.”

Buck isn’t sure if it’s because he wants this marriage to work for as long as possible or if Eddie just didn’t have time to think it all through, but he can’t help but immediately poke holes in it.

“How will that change anything? We’ll still be written up by HR for not saying, probably separated over it and that is if we don’t lose our jobs. We still lied, Eddie And we’d probably still be a risk, because we’d be raising Chris together. I’d have to check, but it won’t surprise me. Then were will we be at?”

Eddie is quiet, frowning slightly.

When he doesn’t say something, Buck answers his own question: “If we lose our jobs, we won’t be able to afford Carla, we might have to sell the house, and Chris will have to stop at Durand when he just found his place there. Let’s face it, we’re in too deep to ever tell the 118, if I want to tell Maddie, she has to keep it from people.”

At his words Eddie’s frown only deepens and Buck realizes he just told Eddie he’s stuck in this marriage. As much as he wants to be with him, he doesn’t want it because Eddie feels trapped, because Buck wormed his way into a life that was never his to begin with and did what he always did: make himself necessary, so he wouldn’t be abandoned.

“Look,” he starts again, this time more gentle, “if you find someone or you don’t want to do this anymore, we can get divorced behind the scenes. We’ll figure out custody and a schedule so Chris won’t lose a parent again, I promise. But divorce won’t change this thing with Maddie.”

It’s quiet and this time Buck lets it be quiet. Eddie is processing his words and figuring out what he feels about it, that’s no easy task.

After some time, Eddie throws up his hands and – dare he say it – pouts: “It just feels unfair.”

“What does?” Buck asks, a little amused by Eddie’s reaction. And because said reaction makes it seem like Eddie is seeing his side and not divorcing him. Big win for Buck.

“I get to talk about Chris at work, get to take time off to spend it with him, I get to tell family and not worry, and you don’t. It’s unfair,” Eddie exclaims, once again angry on Buck’s behalf, but not directing said anger at Buck. That makes it funny and touching, instead of hurtful. A world of difference.

“It does kind of suck,” Buck admits, because it does. He loves Chris to death, loves his family, he would love nothing more than to brag about it.

But maybe it is for the best, because he’s pretty sure everyone will realize he’s madly in love with Eddie the second he gets to take the mask off and that will mean Eddie will find out about it, because the 118 is horrible at staying out of each other’s business, and then Eddie will run far away from him and break his heart, because Buck isn’t meant to be in love with him. This is a platonic marriage. Platonic.

“See!” Eddie says, vindicated. “We should fix that.”

“As much as I am usually pro-fixing things, this isn’t something that needs to be fixed,” Buck says quickly, before Eddie can take it and run with it.

“It isn’t?” Eddie doesn’t believe it for a second.

“I mean, it would be nice, but it’s not the end of the world. I still get to be Chris’s papi and trust me when I say I brag in those pick up lines at school. Besides, the school interview was an off day, I’m usually better at charming my way into a shift swap. I won’t miss everything. Plus, I am so going to kick you off the science fair team, that’ll be my show.”

Eddie can’t believe how unreal this man is. That he’ll turn anything into a positive, that he sees helping Chris with a science fair project as something fun, instead of a chore. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Buck asks, confused.

“For just being here.”

“Of course I’ll be here,” Buck smiles and it sounds like a promise.

Eddie desperately wants to cling to it, because despite asking for a divorce like an hour ago, he doesn’t want Buck to leave. His own papi always left, his mom turned against him, Shannon left, Abuela was forced to move, army buddies slipped through his fingers. He’s always been on his own, but Buck never left, never made Eddie feel like he wouldn’t be in his corner. He doesn’t want to lose that.

“Me too,” is what he ends up saying, because anything else feels too much like rolling over and showing the soft underside of his belly. He hates doing that.

Still when Buck smiles, it feels like it’s enough. Buck always makes him feel like he’s doing enough.

Buck is over the moon with the promise, the promise that Eddie won’t just leave him like everyone else always seems to do. However, he needs to make sure they’re actually on the same page, so he bumps their shoulders together and asks: “So, are we good? Or do I need to find a lawyer?”

“Nah, we’re good,” Eddie says. Then he clears his throat, obviously done with the emotional talks for today as he asks: “We still have some time before pick up, wanna play some video games?”

“Hell yeah, I’ll kick your ass any day,” Buck grins.

“Bold words for a man, who always loses.”

“You let us play Rainbow Road and we’ll see if you still say that,” Buck bickers, as they get up and make their way to the living room.

Slowly the normal atmosphere returns again and you’d never think they’d just got close to a divorce or that they’d even argued.

Chris is happily oblivious as they pick him up together, just excited they’re getting ice cream and not asking why. Both watch him smear his face with chocolate ice cream fondly. He’s gotten his love for chocolate ice cream from Buck, who is licking his own cone, while Eddie eats his rum and raisin scoop. His actual favorite is citrus, but he never gets it. Buck knows though, he buys it ‘for himself’ sometimes and pretends he doesn’t see the scoops that go missing.

They both know it’s apology ice cream for Chris, who will never know how close they got to turning his life upside down an hour or two ago. It had been Eddie’s idea, the ice cream, and Buck wonders how long he’s going to do the silent guilty thing, where he doesn’t say anything, but tries to make up for something anyway. It always makes Buck feel a little weird.

Fortunately, he needn’t have worried, because after a week of Eddie cleaning obsessively and refilling his coffee like he’s a waiter trying to get a tip, they go back to normal.

It happens when they’re at work, Bobby makes a delicious casserole. Buck is enjoying it when he feels a nudge against his foot. He looks over to Eddie, who looks down at his plate, then at Buck with imploring eyes.

Fondness explodes inside his chest and he gives an indulgent eye roll, even if his insides feel gooey at the silent request, before he asks: “Hey, Bobby, can I get the recipe for this?” getting a triumphant grin from Eddie as he does.

Bobby explains the recipe, while Buck lets the casserole be, so Eddie can go in for seconds. The whole interaction settles something in his chest, finally letting himself believe that Eddie meant what he said during that day.

In a way, it’s been good for them. A kind of check in to see where they stand. They both have an out and both have assured the other they don’t want it.

Buck is still waiting for the day Eddie does, for the day he’ll come home from a date and know that this is the one. He knows his heart will break when he signs those divorce papers, but the knowledge that Eddie won’t just leave him, soothes the sting of that future.

Eddie, on the other hand, has been assured that Buck still wants to be here, that he doesn’t just want to run and isn’t waiting for the day Eddie will be able to do it by himself. They’re partners. A team. He doesn’t have to do it alone, Buck doesn’t expect him to. It’s not a chore to him.

So, they move on, both more secure in themselves as they work together as they’ve always done, while Christmas slowly approaches.

~~

A/N:

This is more communication Eddie has done than in all his years of life combined, but by god, Buck will have normal conversations with people and Eddie’s crush on Buck will make him do wild shit to get Buck to stay (even if he doesn’t know that’s why he’s doing it) ((I am manifesting this energy for Eddie in 8x09))

And yes, last chapter was a bit of a fake out, I fully enjoyed all the comments and felt very evil, made my week, thank you so much <3

Also shout out to Eddie for the giant brick wall he built his a brain and just doesn’t allow him to examine his feelings for Buck too deeply, like I know repression is one hell of a drug, but seriously? This is getting out of hand and I’m writing you!

[nevermore-grimes]

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 🪞

Dividers by @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more

Role(s): Primpara Age: 33 Gender: Transgender Female Pronouns: She/her Species: Human Birthplace: Knowhere Sexuality: Pansexual Spotify Playlist(s): Mirror Mirror

More Info

TW: Mentions of plastic surgery and suicide

Venice was born and raised on Knowhere, and her mother idolized Nevermore’s work as “Justice Incarnate”, leaving Venice to feel ignored and largely unloved.

Wanting to gain her mother’s approval, Venice vowed to live her life as closely to Nevermore’s as possible.

So, Venice began to alter her life to try to fit Nevermore’s mold. She watched clips of Nevermore that made the news to study her fighting style, completely changed her closet to dress like Nevermore, and even got plastic surgery to look more like Nevermore before going under an alias that was similar to Nevermore’s name.

This actually worked, filling Venice with a sense of pride and self worth.

Once her mother died, Venice felt like she’d wasted her whole life fighting a losing battle, only to have nothing left for herself (or of herself).

So, Venice vowed to find Nevermore and make her pay for the hell she indirectly put her through.

But, her first confrontation with Nevermore ended in her being so overwhelmed by defeat that she committed suicide.

Venice was later revived in The War Saga, but she was revived with her own face, no plastic surgery included.

This, however, didn’t magically solve Venice’s issues, and Nevermore made it her mission to help Venice find her sense of self again. So, the two grew to become allies, and even friends.

Meanwhile, her job at S.H.I.E.L.D. introduced her to Giffany, who she eventually grew feelings for, and after Giffany’s succubus reveal, the two ended up dating.

[pollenallergie]

I’m so glad I’m out of that stage in my life where I was so insecure that even just seeing a girl who was blonde and petite made me insanely jealous of her. Like as a teen, I would’ve irrationally hated Chrissy Cunningham (and by extension, GVD because that’s how irrationally insecure I was) from the moment I saw her just because she is everything I wanted to be back then. However, since I was introduced to the legend that is Chrissy (and the lovely GVD) as an adult who’s learned to be much more comfortable in her own skin, I’m able to truly appreciate her beauty and know that her being beautiful doesn’t make me, someone who is just about the complete opposite of her, any less beautiful. Also, specifically in the case of Chrissy, I’m able to get a lil crushy-wushy on her and daydream about like holding her hand and doing adorable couple-y shit with her… the way the bi gods intended. 💕✨

[jammyjams1910]

When is it my turn to not have dark body hair that grows back right after I shave, then I won't be scared to wear anything that doesn't cover my entire body

When is it my turn to not have this stupid underbite in my teeth, then I won't feel ashamed to show them at all

When is it my turn to not have this condition that makes my enamel thin, then people can stop calling my teeth gross

When is it my turn to not have feminine curves, I absolutely hate having curves, this may not make sense to some but being genderfluid & often not feeling feminine, and going to a school where a lot of boys are also dealing with hormones, and I already hate being the centre of attention, having feminine curves at my age is absolute fucking hell for me (hopefully this makes sense cos I already feel uncomfy typing this out)

When is it my turn to not be covered in acne and insect bites, I started getting this when I was only 10 and I got bullied everyday for it

Everyone in year 5 was still pretty and youthful while I was the only one who looked like an ugly monster, being an early bloomer is the fuckin worst

All the girls in my year always wear shorts and t-shirts in PE cos they don't need to worry about their body hair since their's light coloured and barely show at all, meanwhile over here, last night I shave myself, next day its back again cos it's that easy to see

When will I ever not have these insecurities and actually feel comfortable in my own body

[purifytheair-mysanguinebeloved]

fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK

i cant fuck this up again

fuck im so scared

help me please i cant fuck up the only good thing in my life

[ryartchus]

♥️.

[muimira]

[touchlikethesun]

oh my god how did i only put it together now that luo binghe cooks for the people he loves as a response to the trauma of food insecurity he experienced as a child. like from binghe’s perspective, his adoptive mother died of starvation because he wasn’t able to find food for her in time. no doubt this is seared in his mind no doubt conscious or not he’s always making sure there’s enough food for the people he loves. like no freaking wonder he’s so freaking cagey and protective over the meals he makes for shen qingqiu omg 1 + 1 = 2

[dandelionsresilience]

Dandelion News - September 15-21

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1. A beam of hope for North America’s most endangered sparrow

“Dozens of conservationists, gathered some distance away to avoid spooking the skittish sparrows, celebrated the [release of the 1000th captive-raised sparrow] in an unprecedented recovery program that in only a few years has doubled the bird’s wild population, from a mere 80 five years ago to some 200 today. […] “What we have achieved is the best case scenario.””

2. U.S. overdose deaths plummet, saving thousands of lives

“"In the states that have the most rapid data collection systems, we’re seeing declines of twenty percent, thirty percent," said Dr. Nabarun Dasgupta, an expert on street drugs at the University of North Carolina. […] According to Donaldson, many people using fentanyl now carry naloxone, a medication that reverses most opioid overdoses. He said his friends also use street drugs with others nearby, ready to offer aid and support when overdoses occur.”

3. Propagated corals reveal increased resistance to bleaching across the Caribbean during the fatal heat wave of 2023

“”[… Y]oung corals bred for restoration are a lot more resistant to bleaching under extreme levels of heat stress than the prevailing corals on the reef." [… Unlike with the previous propagation strategy, fragmentation, e]very time a population reproduces, new offspring receive newly mixed sets of genes through recombination, making them different from their parent colonies and thus enabling adaptation.”

4. Habitat Management Helps At-Risk Butterflies

“For a number of at-risk butterflies in the United States, habitat management can play an important role in keeping them from going extinct. [… “In] places where people are actively engaged with ways to manage the habitat, the butterflies are doing the best,” said Cheryl Schultz, a professor of conservation biology at Washington State University[….]”

5. Study: Protecting the ocean helps fight malnutrition

“[The study] found that fish catches in coral reefs could increase by up to 20 percent by expanding sustainable-use marine protected areas — that is, areas where some fishing is allowed with restrictions[, … and] that sustainable-use marine protected areas have on average 15 percent more fish biomass than non-protected areas. […] “Allowing regulated fishing in marine protected areas can support healthy fish populations, while also having a positive impact on the quality of life of surrounding communities.””

6. [FWS] Advances Effort to Create Urban Conservation Footprint in Tucson

““We want to continue to work together to create an urban footprint to improve access to nature, conserve habitats, and improve air and water quality.” […] The area provides habitat for several federally listed species, including southwestern willow flycatcher, western yellow-billed cuckoo, and Mexican garter snake. If protected, the area will also help connect critical habitat for jaguar and Chiracahua leopard frog.”

7. ‘Exciting’ solar breakthrough means energy can be kept in sustainable batteries that don’t overheat

“The technology is based on a specially designed molecule of carbon, hydrogen and nitrogen that changes shape when it comes into contact with sunlight. These are common elements - providing an alternative to other technologies relying on scarce materials like lithium. […] A unique feature of the system is that the molecules also provide cooling in the photovoltaic cell[, which can store solar energy “for up to 18 years.”]”

8. Sea turtles make big comeback on sandy beaches at 2 British military bases in Cyprus

“[… The] number of nests surpass[ed] last year’s record count by nearly 25%, environmentalists said Tuesday. […] “The steep increase in turtle nests has been the result of a consistent, systematic ‘hands-off’ approach, together with enforcement efforts to minimize illegal, damaging activities on nesting beaches[….” D]aily patrols by volunteers ensure that aluminum cages set atop the nests remain in place to protect the turtles from predators like foxes and dogs.”

9. First ever photograph of rare bird species New Britain Goshawk

“The last documented scientific record of the bird is from 1969[….] Working closely with [“the Indigenous Mengen and Mamusi peoples”], WWF hopes to support local stewardship to safeguard the future of these incredible biodiversity hotspots through community-led conservation.”

10. Hospitals begin offering breakthrough radiation therapy for metastatic cancer tumors

“[First,] a patient is injected with a radioactive glucose (or sugar) tracer. The machine picks up the tracer in real time and in bright colors, [… then] reads a signal from the cancer cells breaking down the tracer. [… “The] machine is automatically and autonomously reacting and responding to those signals by shooting radiation back to their source[….]””

September 8-14 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[kyuhu]

love is in the air or maybe not idk

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 14

Chapter 14 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Buck realizes that their scheme might be harder than expected and, in a moment of panic, he starts a fake rivalry with Eddie. The two of them are forced to play it out and figure out a way to get it over with to cement Eddie’s place at the 118.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn)

Warnings: internalized homophobia, insecurity, injury

~~~

Chapter 14: Second First Meeting

Buck arrives to the station already in uniform, he spots Eddie in the locker room changing into his own uniform and is dying to go over there and check in on him. However, he has already changed, so it’ll be weird to just go over.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be weird, Buck is a social person, he’d want to know the new face. But maybe that’s too familiar, which is what they’re trying to avoid.

Before he can make a decision, the choice is taken from him by Hen and Bobby who greet him as he comes near them. They’re standing in the path towards the locker room and Buck is embarrassed to admit he didn’t notice them until they start speaking.

Suddenly feeling the need to do something in character, he starts rambling about body fat. He wanted to submit to the calender, because it sounded fun and he likes his body, is proud of it. Plus, it’s for charity. Then he got a little carried away into a rabbit hole about it. It hasn’t been effecting the meals he’s cooking at home, but he’s been putting in more time at the gym.

That devolves into a whole other conversation, until Chimney suddenly derails it. “Okay, that, is a beautiful man.”

“Where’s the lie. And I like girls,” Hen agrees, looking over Buck’s shoulder to where he knows Eddie is.

Buck turns around too, because knowing who is there already is suspicious. He spots Eddie puling on a shirt and aches to agree with Chimney and Hen, it wouldn’t be weird, they were already talking about attractive men and even Hen agrees that Eddie is beautiful. However, admitting that feels like admitting he’s in love with Eddie and he doesn’t want anyone to know about that. Ever.

So he looks at Eddie, who is looking very attractive and very much in cahoots with him and he wants them to be even more in cahoots, scheming, whatever. But he can’t. Everyone will know something is up if he agrees Eddie’s attractive. It’s irrational, but his brain doesn’t register that. All he knows is that he needs to do the opposite of that, so he says: “Who the hell is that?”

“That’s Eddie Diaz, new recruit. Graduated top of his class just this week. Guys over at station 6 were dying to have him, but I convinced him to join us,” Bobby tells him, because of course he does, he has no reason to think that is Buck’s husband he’s talking about. Why would he? That was the whole point.

Noting that the deflection worked, Buck decides that this is permanently the best course of action for now. “What do we need him for?”

They all laugh at him and that doesn’t feel great, even if it’s my his own design, because he’s acting stupid on purpose. And when Bobby starts telling him about Eddie’s accomplishments, he wants to bite that he knows that, thank you, he raised his child while he was on said tours and nursed him back to health after the stunt that earned him a Silver Star. But he manages to bite his tongue.

He can just back out now, go follow after everyone and have an amicable interaction with Eddie, before smoothly diving into team work. It’s sensible, but a part of his brain feels like he’ll give the game away, so he follows after the others with a bit of a frown on his face.

When Eddie sees him, he raises his brows slightly, asking what the face is all about. As the others look somewhere else, Buck drops it for a second for something more apologetic.

“Eddie, this is Buck,” Bobby says. “Buck this is Eddie. He’ll be your partner in the field from now on, I expect you to keep him in the loop.”

“Yes, Cap,” Buck nods, before looking at Eddie without saying a thing.

Luckily, Eddie seems to pick up what he’s putting down and in a more polite tone than he had greeted the others with he says: “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Buck says, a word he has never said before, but felt correct in the moment. Though, right now his correct feels kind of dumb, but he’s in too deep now. They’re both in too deep.

Everyone is just looking between them, picking up on the tension. If Buck is honest, his own tension is not so much Eddie as it is everyone else. He is a horrible liar and he doesn’t know why he ever agreed to this and now he started something and he doesn’t know how to get out of it and he’s sure it’s written all over his face.

However, before he can spiral further, he is saved by the bell, all of them quickly getting into their gear as they go to their first call of the day.

That is good. Being on a call is good. He knows what to do on calls, he likes being on them, talking with people, helping them. It’ll be good to get out of his own head about the whole charade, scheme, cahoots thing they have going on.

There is only one problem with this, usually Eddie isn’t on calls with them and Buck is only now realizing that Eddie looks super hot in that uniform and he’s even more hot when he’s being competent. Which makes getting his mind off Eddie really fucking hard.

Of course his focus is all on the patient when they lift him off the pump and onto the ground, but then Chim. Hen and Eddie are working on him and he can observe them. Mostly Eddie though.

Buck is a little offended that Eddie gets picked over him to help, but then again Eddie was an army medic and he just has EMT training. Plus, he’s a little distracted by Eddie’s Eddie-ness, so maybe it’s best for him to be on the side.

Then Bobby’s voice snaps him into action: “Buck I need you to get a 14-gauge angiocath. We need to start decompressing the pleural cavity.”

“Alright, alright,” Buck says more to himself as he gets everything and starts working on the patient.

“Want me to help?” Eddie offers, which isn’t unusual.

“I got it,” Buck assures him, not wasting more words, but Eddie gets it. They can communicate with minimal words, even if it might sound curt to others. He wants to focus on the patient, Eddie understands. “Hang in there, Hector,” he tells the man.

He goes to insert the gauge when Eddie’s voice stops him. “I’d go lower.”

“What?” Buck is so sure he remembers right, checking his own mental catalog again and finding what he’s doing there. Confused he says: “Uhm, no. Second intercostal space. Midclavicular line.” Eddie should know this.

“The chest wall is thinner at the fifth intercostal at the anterior axillary line. There’s a decreased chance of injuring any vital organs. I’ve treated guys with collapsed lungs in combat,” Eddie explains.

Buck is willing to believe him, but with his qualifications, he’s not sure he just wants to do something outside of the book. If this goes south, it’s his ass on the line. So, he looks at Bobby, letting him make the call.

“Do it,” Bobby confirms.

“Please,” Eddie says, holding out his hand to take the gauge from Buck. And Buck hands it to him, getting a: “Thank you.”

It’s a little cute that Eddie’s being polite in the middle of an emergency like that and not entirely like him, especially not with Buck. However, he must still be a little nervous too, wanting to put his best foot forward. Buck can’t help but be fond, however, he remembers himself on time so the snort he’s already letting out on time sounds a bit harsher than it should be.

“Can you help me out with the shirt?” Eddie asks and Buck knows he could do it by himself, he just knows Buck too well to leave him idle like that on a day like this. So he rolls his eyes as he goes to help, suppressing a smile.

Eddie gets the gauge in and Hector deflates as they’d hoped, coming to and becoming more stable so they can transport him. And like that, Eddie has survived his first call and very successfully Buck might add, the others even take time to point it out.

“Yeah, good call,” Buck also says, much like the others. He does it very seriously, giving Eddie a magnanimous nod as he does so, playing up the approving elder vibes.

As expected, Eddie gives him a deadpan look – though Buck can see the amusement in his eyes – and doesn’t reply beyond that, just getting back in the engine with everyone else.

Buck is happy to have Eddie there and working with him on a call went well, smooth. Having the two of them at the same house was the right call. It’s nice to click that well with somewhere out there instead of having to get used to someone new every shift.

However, being back from the call means having to be in the firehouse without acting weird around Eddie. Buck still isn’t sure how to do that. He took the ‘I need to warm up’-route, which he is starting to regret, but he’s in it now.

So, he flees to the work out section when he can. He can’t be weird with anyone if he’s working out and it will help getting the jitters out.

Eddie joins him soon after, back towards him as he softly asks: “What are you doing?”

“I panicked,” Buck hisses back.

“And that was your solution?”

“Well, I had to do something, what did you want me to do? Be besotted with you?”

“I didn’t expect you to have a problem with me!” Eddie says, a little louder than all the other things they’ve said so far, as he turns to face Buck.

Before Buck can answer or they can lower the conversation again, they spot Chimney, who has come up to work out as well and who totally caught what Eddie just said. Fuck. They both give each other a caught look, before Eddie goes all in, raising his voice more as he says: “So, what’s your problem, man?”

“What’s my problem?” Buck repeats, giving himself time to attempt to come up with something, before blurting out: “You. You’re my problem.” Eddie sends him a ‘what the fuck, dude’-look and Buck flashes a helpless look back, he also doesn’t know why he said that, but it seemed the most logical at the time.

“Why?” Eddie asks, making him realize that Chimney is still watching their argument and he should probably have a reason for saying that Eddie is his problem.

“You’re too familiar,” is what he finds himself saying, before he can think it through. Though once he says it, he can’t regret it. It makes sense. It’s not a lie and it will deflect any weird closeness they have by acknowledging it.

“What?” Eddie chokes and it might sound disbelieving or offended, but Buck can see the amusement twinkling in his eyes. The fucker is enjoying Buck digging himself into a hole.

As the whole day has been; in for a penny, in for a pound. “You heard me. You’re too familiar, there is supposed to be an adjustment period, but you just waltz in here like you know everyone a bit already. It’s weird that you fit in like that.” Now he has to stop himself, but it turns into a love confession about how well Eddie fits everywhere.

“Look, I in no way meant to be too familiar or step on anyone’s toes. I hear you’re a good guy,” he says, his eyes doing a little amused sparkle that makes Buck roll his eyes. “I’m sorry I got too familiar. I’ll give you some space. Be unfamiliar.”

And with that Eddie has successfully ended their fake spat, gathering his things and leaving the gym area. Buck tries not to miss him as he watches him go.

“What the fuck was that?” Chimney asks, snapping Buck’s attention back to him, instead of staring after Eddie.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he huffs as he turns back to his exercise, even though he knows very well what he means.

Chimney sends him a look that tells him Chim also knows he knows. “Come on, Buck, don’t play stupid. You’re like a golden retriever, man’s best friend and all that. It’s usually impossible for you to not get along with people. What the hell did Eddie do to you? Shit in your dinner?”

Buck scowls at that, it’s not like Chimney is wrong and he knows he’s being an asshole to Eddie, even if it’s just a little bit, but Eddie is being an asshole right back, he should get also get interrogated about it.

Not that they know Eddie is being an asshole back, because he has perfected being polite and cutting, so he actually has a poker face and he went all polite and understanding in their fight, while secretly laughing at Buck the whole time. It’s so unfair.

“He just rubs me wrong,” he says in the end, before he adds: “I just need to get used to him. We worked well together out there,” because he doesn’t want Chim to think he’ll never like Eddie when he actually likes Eddie so much. A bit too much, but who’s counting.

“Hm, alright,” Chimney hums after a moment, before letting it go, an unreadable expression on his face.

Eddie and Buck mostly avoid each other for the rest of the afternoon. Eddie honestly doesn’t know what Buck was thinking, but he panicked was a pretty reasonable explanation, he supposes. Still, this is not how he imagined his first day would be like. Though, he should have guessed their plan wouldn’t go as smoothly as they had hoped.

So far Eddie loves working at the 118. He is a pretty private person and has no qualms keeping most of his life to himself, but he can’t deny that he feels comfortable with them. He can definitely see himself become work friends with Chimney and Hen, and Bobby seems like a good Captain that he’ll happily serve under.

And then there’s Buck.

Working together with Buck today has been as fun and easy as Eddie hoped. They communicate seamlessly and have an easy back and forth, Eddie doesn’t have to feel awkward getting to know a partner, having to open up to get that, he can just slide back into the friendship they already have. At least, out in the field.

Because due to Buck’s panic the two of them are now caught in some weird rivalry when they’re off the field and Eddie doesn’t really know how to get out of it or what to do with it.

They’ll need some sort of story if they want to move on and be friends, but that might take time if they have to play it out all the way through. Bobby will probably remove Eddie before then, since he’s been hired to be Buck’s partner. Or they’ll come clean and clear it up that way, but that will still result in Eddie getting moved, just with way more embarrassment.

It isn’t that he is embarrassed of Buck or like homophobic about it. Gay people can do whatever they want, it’s not his business and he knows that he is technically gay married, even though they’re both straight. People have assumed often enough, he doesn’t mind. But the thought of having to explain it all to the 118? To have to lay bare his failures as a parent that led him to depend on Buck and drag him down with him, when it’s clear they all love him? It’s terrifying.

Eddie should request a transfer instead, say he doesn’t mind working with Buck and that he likes the 118 a lot, but that it will be better for him to join the B shift, instead of being Buck’s direct partner. They tried the ruse, it’s not working out, it’ll be for the best.

He has all but made up his mind, ready to bring it up to Buck when they get home for tonight so he can approach Bobby next shift when the alarm rings and they all make a break for the rig.

They all have their spots in the rig. Buck told him all about that first day where he sat in Hen’s spot, shuddering as he relived it. So, Eddie remembered Buck telling him where everyone sat, so he wouldn’t do that himself.

Eddie’s spot is across from Buck.

Neither of them know what to do with that.

Luckily, the call itself is a distraction from the awkward ride, because some dumbass got a grenade stuck in his leg. Yes, a grenade. You don’t see that every day, even when you’re an army medic, Eddie should know.

Buck and Bobby go in while Eddie goes to the ambulance. He wants to go in with them, it feels weird to leave Buck alone like that, especially when there’s an explosive involved. He hates their plan a lot right now, he’s sure Bobby would have send the two of them if they hadn’t been fighting earlier.

The decision he made earlier to quit this shift sits wrongly in his bones as he watches Buck disappear into the house, his shoulders tensed for an explosion as he readies the ambulance.

However, Bobby is already separating them, he’s probably not going to keep Eddie on this shift for long. He curses Buck’s panic and waits for the radio to crackle. Before all this, he didn’t worry about Buck when he was on shift, but now that he knows when Buck can endanger himself, he can’t stop worrying. It’s annoying.

Despite his annoyance at himself, he can’t help, but be incredibly relieved to see Buck exit the house next to the gurney.

He is also a little hopeful about getting to keep his job when Bobby forces Buck into the ambulance with him in an obvious ploy to have them get along. The man must have a lot of faith in his decision making skills and Eddie is grateful for it.

Reluctantly Buck gets in the ambulance, Eddie has to bite his lip to not laugh at the wide eyes his friend has. He is even more stressed out about their little scheme.

The drive starts off in professional silence. Johnson is still driving and neither of them really know how to act now. Buck tries to push a little about the wounds he saw in the service, he always wants Eddie to talk and Eddie wants to do anything but talk. It’s actually a bit of a spat, which sells their bit he supposes, though he glowers at the wound regardless. Only for his heart to drop.

“Pull over!”

Soon they’re all standing outside, Charlie in the ambulance slowly bleeding out while they decide if he’s safe enough to help. It’s infuriating. It shouldn’t matter. They should be helping. Eddie should be helping. He already let Greggs die and for what? Because it was too dangerous? He’s not letting that happen again. Not on his watch.

“He doesn’t have an hour,” Buck realizes as they’re talking, something Eddie is also realizing.

Suddenly he finds himself saying: “I can do it. If he doesn’t go to surgery soon, he’ll die.”

“You’ve done this before?” Bobby asks.

“Well, none of the guys I served with were dumb enough to shoot a live round in themselves, but I'm familiar with the ordnance,” Eddie says.

“I’m in,” Buck immediately pipes up, because of course he’s in. Him and Buck have always faced everything together from the moment they met, dealing with Shannon leaving, raising Chris. Even when Eddie left for war, they still dealt with the battle behind that decision – Eddie’s parents – together.

So, soon they’re in the ambulance together, working on getting the grenade out. It’s tense and both of their attention is entire on Charlie’s leg. Eddie isn’t sure he could have done it with anyone other than Buck by his side.

It’s not until they get the grenade into the box and are working on clamping the arteries so Charlie will make it to surgery that they can talk a little, finally having the privacy. Unless you want to count Charlie, but he’s now unconscious.

“I think I went a little overboard with the whole not knowing each other thing,” Buck says.

“Yeah, no shit.”

“How are we going to get out of this? I mean, we need to come up with something, right?”

“Heard you talking to Bobby before we got in,” Eddie muses. “About how he wanted us to bond and this was a way to get real close.”

“That was a joke about us exploding and becoming indistinguishable from each other as the force turned us into goop, Eddie,” Buck deadpans.

“I know that, you idiot,” Eddie rolls his eyes, placing the last clamps. “I’m just saying, they might buy it. You’re not the type to hold a grudge, they know that. This is bonding enough, right?”

Buck pulls a thoughtful face as they start to move Charlie, before he grins at Eddie: “You know what, I think they will. Good to have you aboard, probie.”

“Still not calling me probie,” Eddie shoots back, but he can’t deny that it sounds incredibly fond.

With that, both of them get out of the ambulance, pushing the gurney with Charlie on it away from the ambulance as fast as they can, before handing it over, so they can get their gear off and the robot can move in on the ambulance.

Bobby is there, so Eddie guesses this is the moment. The mock argument they had was poking fun at Buck, but this feels like a performance and he cringes at himself when he says: “You’re a badass under pressure, brother.” He has never called Buck brother before and he’s unsure why he felt the need to do so now.

“Me?” He sees Buck bite his lip to stop himself from laughing at him, then duck his head to make it bashful. Honestly the guy could be an actor.

“You can have my back any day,” Eddie says and he means it too. He always means it. He never wants anyone else to have his back.

“Yeah,” Buck agrees, then, because he’s Buck, who will be a little shit when he can be, he adds: “Or, you know, you could- you could have mine.”

Eddie laughs. “Deal.”

Their performance is a success, because Bobby looks incredibly pleased with himself as he approaches them. “Nice work, fellas. I’m glad you both made it out of there.”

“The guy’s a professional, Cap. I was never really worried,” Buck grins and Eddie’s heart floods with warmth at the genuine pride he sees in Buck’s eyes.

Luckily, he never has to investigate that feeling. Ever. Because the ambulance they were just in blows up.

It’s a little funny to see Buck and Bobby jump up at the noise and Eddie feels a little smug at their shocked and impressed faces when they turn back to him. Slightly too chipper, he grins: “You guys hungry?”

Bobby declines, but Buck enthusiastically agrees – not that Eddie expected any different when he offered – and he’s glad it’s just them so they can be just them. Though he doesn’t miss Bobby’s proud look before they leave. At least they convinced him they can get along, Eddie is pretty sure he won’t be moved now.

Eddie takes Buck to a burger joint near the station. He’s maybe a little too excited about paying even though he and Buck have shared finances. It just feels good to treat Buck with money he is earning after all he’s done for him.

Once they’re seated, they clink their burgers together in a sort of toast as Buck grins: “To your first successful shift at the 118.”

“And my first paycheck,” Eddie grins back.

“Yeah, and hopefully the end of our rivalry,” Buck laughs.

“I still can’t believe you did that,” Eddie says, way too amused about it now that it’s behind them.

Buck blushes and scowls, though it’s more of a pout on him. “I was put on the spot, you haven’t experienced their nosiness first hand.”

“I did a little,” Eddie scoffs, remembering the interrogation about his Silver Star.

“That was nothing, just wait until they actually want to know something,” Buck snorts and Eddie starts to dread signing up for the 118 just a little.

After their burgers, they both get into their cars and drive by Abuela. Eddie tells her a bit about his first day, feeling like a little kid again, telling her about his first day at school. Meanwhile Buck is getting Chris, appearing moments later with the sleeping form of their kid in his arms as both Eddie and Abuela lower their voices as to not wake him.

Buck kisses Abuela on both cheeks, maneuvering gently so Chris doesn’t bump into anything, before Eddie gets the doors, saying his goodbyes, then coming to help buckle Chris in. He’ll tell him about his shift as promised over breakfast.

When they come in for their next shift – still both in different cars and at different times since Chris has to be dropped off – Hen and Chim look a little apprehensively as they run into each other at the locker room, but Buck just smiles at him and calls out: “Hey, Eddie, did you know that grenade launcher that guy shot himself with yesterday started in production in 1969 and has been in use since the 70s?”

“Oh really?” Eddie asks, as if he didn’t repeat the exact model so Buck could look it up yesterday.

“Yeah, apparently they were designed as an under barrel device,” Buck starts up a ramble about all the information he found as they make their way to the loft.

Above them Hen and Chim relax slightly when Eddie doesn’t get annoyed at Buck’s rambling and when Buck doesn’t start peacocking again. Though they look confused as well.

It’s not until the two of them dive into a pool to save a kid with a microwave cemented on his head that they truly seem to believe it.

And with that Eddie is also officially part of the 118, accepted by all its members

~~

A/N:

I know these are two shifts in the show and Maddie comes to LA in between, but I’m kind of playing with things for everything to make sense, it wouldn’t be an AU if it was a direct copy of canon xp (season 2 is where I start taking serious liberties)

[angelyuji]

homelander realizing that you could make a great mom to ryan and kidnaps you, but realizes you were partly why ryan is not like him??? yeeah im thinking thoughts.

tw // physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, implied noncon, homelander being homelander

honestly the ending got pretty sad idk why i think its cuz i feel so bad for ryan becuz he deserves so much better than shitty homelander and i wish his mom didnt die poor baby angel :( anyway....

"what have bullshit are you teaching him." john's face, twisted with wrath, was only a few inches away from you. you try to inch back, but he grabs your face. gripping your jaw with one hand, he forces you to look back at him. "answer the fucking question, (y/n). what poison- what LIES are you teaching my son?" your face hurts and you feel tears well up in your eyes.

"dad, she's not doing-" ryan tries to interject, to stop his father, but john raises a hand at him.

"don't. don't protect her. talk now, (y/n), before i really get angry." his eyes flash red and you feel your heart stop.

you sniffle, "john, i swear i'm not teaching him anything. i don’t know-” before you could finish, john backhands you, sending you to the floor. your vision goes white from the pain and you can’t help the screaming sobs coming out of you. when you look up, you see ryan in tears. you can’t even muster a smile to make him feel better.

“ryan, go to your room.”

“but-”

“NOW.” you hear ryan’s defeated steps go up the stairs. your scalp stings as john grabs a fistful of your hair to pull you up. “my son is the most powerful creation on the planet alongside me. i will not let you turn him into a pathetic, worthless worm like you. understand, (y/n)?”

his face is close to yours. you can feel his fury and you nod, afraid to speak.

"say it. say you understand."

you choke, "i understand... i'm sorry, john." his grip loosens and you collapse to the floor, shaking wth sobs. you hear him huff quietly to himself.

"so fragile and weak, why would you think ryan should be like you and not me, his father?" you look up at him and he stares down at you. you try to speak, but he holds a hand up. "i don't want to hear it." you look down. the room fills with silence, interrupted occasionally with ryan's footsteps from upstairs. "fucking pathetic." you hear him mumble. "go upstairs and collect yourself. i don't want to hear your sniffles when i fuck you tonight." he rolls his eyes and waves you away.

you stumble up the stairs and finally make it to the bedroom, collapsing into the bathroom. you sit in the bathtub, knees against your chest, sobbing.

"y/n?" a small voice comes from in front of the door. you quickly wipe your tears.

you clear your throat, "come in, sweetheart!" you watch as the door is opened, hesitantly. ryan comes in, slowly, and closes the door behind him. he looks at you, eyes filled with guilt. he sits down next to the bathroom. "you're growing up so fast..." you try to smile and brush your hand through his hair.

ryan puts his head down on the edge of the bathtub, "i'm so sorry, (y/n)..." your heart hurts and you cup his face in your hands.

"none of this is your fault, ryan. you did nothing wrong." you watch tears fall faster down his face. you pull him into a hug. the edge of the bathtub was digging into your skin, but you felt ryan relax and you knew you could be in pain for a little while longer.

[flwrkid14]

A Love That Hurts: Tim and Danny’s Toxic Tango

It didn’t start like this.

In the beginning, their love had been easy. They found comfort in each other—a soft place to land when the rest of the world felt too sharp. Tim loved Danny’s laugh, the way it lit up a room even when everything else felt dark. Danny adored Tim’s quiet strength, the way he always seemed to know how to pick up the pieces.

For a while, they were each other’s saving grace. Tim helped Danny feel grounded, giving him the stability he hadn’t known since Amity Park became more battlefield than home. Danny made Tim feel alive, like he wasn’t just another cog in the Bat-machine—like he was someone worth loving.

But that kind of love is hard to hold onto when you don’t know how to nurture it.

------------------------

The cracks started small: an offhand comment here, a tense silence there. They chalked it up to stress, but the arguments began to escalate, unraveling the love they’d built. Neither of them knew how to fix it, so they didn’t try.

One fight bled into another. Danny’s voice was sharp. “They’re my friends, Tim. Something you’d know about if you still talked to yours. When was the last time you even answered Cassie or Steph? You’re too busy trying to fix things that don’t need fixing.”

Tim didn’t hesitate. “And when was the last time Val actually came through for you? She’s got her own problems—why does she need to patrol with you? Are you just keeping her around for the nostalgia? Or are you afraid of letting her go?”

Danny’s lips curled into a bitter smile. “Right, because you’re the expert on letting go. How many of Kon’s clones are you going to try to ‘save’ before you realize it’s never going to bring him back?”

Tim flinched, his voice low and venomous. “At least I don’t run back to my exes when I feel like I’m losing control. What’s next, Danny? You calling Sam and Tucker to bail you out?”

Danny laughed, hollow and sharp. “You really think I need them? I’m here, Tim. With you. Maybe if you spent less time in your spreadsheets, you’d see that.”

The fights always ended the same: one of them storming off, slamming doors, followed by hours of silence. When they apologized, it wasn’t about fixing anything—just avoiding another explosion.

Neither could admit the truth: they weren’t protecting each other—they were just too afraid to let go

------------------------

Danny didn’t just distance Tim from his friends; he actively cut them out. He deleted Cassie’s texts before Tim could see them, until eventually, she stopped trying. When Tim noticed, Danny shrugged. “She’s probably busy,” he said casually, though his tone left no room for argument.

Tim didn’t push. After all, he wasn’t innocent. When Val invited Danny to patrol with her, Tim was quick to sow doubt. “You really think Amity Park can’t survive one night without you? Or is it just about her? Seems like you don’t trust me to be enough.”

Danny hesitated, his frustration visible, but he stayed. Over time, Val’s invitations stopped, and Danny didn’t ask why.

------------------------

Sam and Tucker’s visit to Gotham was no different. Danny had been excited to see them, but when the weekend came, Tim hit a low point.

“Do you really need to see them right now?” Tim asked, his voice soft but pointed. “It’s been rough lately. I thought you’d want to focus on us.”

Danny faltered, guilt creeping in. “They already planned the trip…”

“And what about me?” Tim pressed, his voice taking on an edge. “Am I supposed to just sit here and wait while you run back to them? Is that what this is?”

Danny canceled the plans. He didn’t explain, just sent Sam a curt text: Can’t make it. Something came up. He ignored the flood of concerned messages that followed, shoving his phone into a drawer.

When Tim noticed the tension, he didn’t comment. Instead, he doubled down. “You’re better off without them. They don’t understand this life. Not like I do.”

Danny nodded, even as the distance from Sam and Tucker grew into something he didn't know how to bridge.

Tim wasn’t immune to Danny’s tactics either. Bruce invited Tim to family dinner, but Danny’s reaction was immediate. “You’re seriously going to leave me here? After everything?” he asked, his tone more accusation than question.

“It’s just dinner,” Tim said weakly, but Danny’s narrowed eyes stopped him.

“Right. And how long before you’re ‘just’ staying overnight at the Manor? Before Bruce drags you back into his plans? You think they care about you? They care about what you can do for them.”

Tim stayed, sending Bruce a quick excuse. When Dick called the next day, Tim brushed him off with a clipped, “Busy.” Danny noticed the tension but said nothing, a smug satisfaction flickering in his eyes when Tim didn’t bring up the family again.

When Damian later referred to Tim as “too busy playing house,” Danny felt a pang of guilt that he quickly buried under pride. At least Tim was his, now.

------------------------

They were each other’s shields against the world, but it came at a cost.

Danny missed Sam and Tucker fiercely but couldn’t bring himself to reach out, not when Tim would undoubtedly notice. Tim felt the growing distance from the Bats like a weight he couldn’t shake, but he didn’t try to repair it—not when Danny so clearly needed him more.

The truth was simple and ugly: they weren’t protecting each other. They were controlling each other.

Danny missed the Tim who made him feel safe. Tim missed the Danny who didn’t flinch at “I love you.” But neither of them could stop. Because if Sam and Tucker weren’t there for Danny, and the Bats weren’t there for Tim, they only had each other.

And maybe that was the point.

[calicoconstellation]

Hot take: SNAP/EBT (foodstamps) should be usable for buying hot ready made food. Not allowing poor people to get takeout is just punishing disabled people who can't cook just cause we're poor. I shouldn't have to choose between my last spoons and eating.

Second hot take: able-bodied poor people who can cook also deserve takeout. Everyone has days they're too exhausted to cook. No one should be punished for being poor. Easy access to food shouldn't be a fucking privilege.

-Saffron

[hidden-snow]

𝑆𝑘𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐵𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠

Requested by @strongheartneteyam

Rating // +18

Warnings // Body insecurities / Smut teaser at the end/ Jealousy / Body image issues / Might be triggering for some readers

Word count // 1,950

You’d never been ashamed of your body before. You’d never had a reason to hate your body before. Sure, you were shorter than most Na’vi girls your age, and you weren’t as thin as they were. Your body held more flesh and you had a bit of a belly that went along with your thick thighs and curvy frame.

With Neteyam, though, everything about you was perfect.

Courtship was something every Na’vi girl dreamed of when growing up, fantasizing about how her future mate would ask her, as well as their future afterwards.

You were no different.

What you weren’t expecting was for Neteyam to be the one to ask.

You’d had a crush on him since childhood and, due to the close bond you both shared, it was no surprise when he started gifting you small intricately-designed bracelets and elegant necklaces, asking you into a courtship with him.

You’d have to admit, you tended to match a person with a stereotype and, even though you were thrilled out of your mind at the prospect of a happy family with the boy of your dreams, you’d thought he was into a different type of woman. A thinner type.

He was quick to snuff out that stereotype, showering you with praise and adoration, and constant kisses all over your body at night when you were expected to be sleeping instead. He knew your body like the back of his hand, having explored almost every inch of you. His favorite thing to do with you was to kiss your thighs, trailing his lips upwards to your belly, before resting his cheek against your stomach.

You would lay there, fingers gently running through the beaded thin braids of his hair, as his head rose and fell with your relaxed breathing.

Trouble didn’t arise until Neteyam started branching out with friends of the opposite gender. Girls would flirt with him in a desperate attempt to take him from your side. He was usually very quick to shut it down and, should you have happened to hear about it later, he made sure you heard about the situations from his own mouth first.

One day, though, you were headed to see him, a handful of picked flowers in your hands to give him as a gift. You had to do a double take, seeing him sitting on the ground while talking with a girl. A skinny girl with thin limbs and the same amount of fingers as him. A skinny girl with a tall frame and pretty black hair.

A skinny pretty girl.

You couldn’t remember him mentioning a new female friend, but it wasn’t like you were against it. You didn’t mind, as long as he made sure to keep her in the friend space and nothing more. You trusted him.

Shaking off your stupor, you approached and gave him the flowers, and the smile on his face was brilliant and dazzling, bright as the stars at night. Your heart fluttered at the smile and you couldn’t help but return it with a sheepish one.

The next day, he was with that girl again. Talking and laughing, as if the bestest of friends. Standing on the edge of the field, arrows drawn back tight, they looked at their targets for a moment before releasing the strings, watching the arrows sink into the bullseye of the trees they’d been aiming for. They looked at each other, smiling in pure pride and happiness, and you can’t help but falter.

Especially when you heard the whispers.

Whispers of people all around you, talking about how perfect of a couple they’d make together. That was the first time you’d begun to feel insecure. That was the first time you’d begun to compare yourself to someone else in the village.

Sure, you were a halfling, just like Neteyam and the other children. You were born from the union of a Na’vi mother and an avatar father. Like Lo’ak, you had five fingers on each hand, and you had the slightest dusting of eyebrows upon your face.

You weren’t the best at archery, nor were you very good at hunting in general. Sure, you’d passed your iknimaya well enough, but you still weren’t one of the best. Instead, you preferred helping with cooking the meals for your people or crafting jewelry and clothing for your fellow people.

This girl… she had more in common with Neteyam than you ever would.

Clutching the bracelet you’d made for him tight to your chest, that was the first time you’d ever fled from him.

It felt like your chest was on fire, like your heart was physically ripping in shreds. Because in that moment, you realized that the whispers were right; he deserved her. She would be perfect for him. You would have to let him go so that he could truly be happy.

When he came to find you, you were sitting in your hut, hunched over a loom, weaving a new top for your mother to wear. He’d asked you to go flying with him, something you both enjoyed doing with each other.

You’d kept your face down to hide the tears and the trembling of your lips as you shook your head, claiming to be busy at the time. After constant pushing for him to go and fly with his new friend, he left, but you could feel the disappointment that radiated off of him in waves. Each wave smashed against your tender heart like a hammer, cracking it more and more the longer you thought about it.

Thus began a new cycle.

You were pushing him away, trying to get him to realize that he’d found his match and she wasn’t you. Distance was what he needed. Distance and time. And then he’d see her and he’d fall in love and he’d be truly happy.

At least, that’s what you thought.

To Neteyam, you were simply being stubborn and cold. He had no idea why you were doing this or why you were behaving the way you were. The nights of snuggling, the days of talking and just being together, they were all over.

He missed you.

A lot.

In an attempt to figure out a solution to your sudden coldness, he turned to the wiser adults. First, he’d spoken to Mo’at. Then his parents. And finally, he’d sat down with your parents to find out what the root of this problem was.

No one had any idea what could possibly have caused this chaos between you and him. They were as stumped as he was.

One thing that did stick to him, though, was something his father had told him.

“Neteyam, girls are fragile, but they’re also strong willed and smart. They trust men with their lives, until they don’t. So if you’ve started doing things you know Y/n wouldn’t like, you need to figure out what it is and stop it.”

Was he doing something wrong?

He didn’t know. If he tried to ask, you’d brush him off and walk away, acting like everything was just fine, even if it wasn’t.

So, he turned to his new friend. Sitting down under the shade of a tree, he spilled out his heart to her, confessing his love towards you, as well as his confusion over your sudden coldness. She listened patiently, nodding as if she knew exactly what was wrong.

When he’d gotten to the end of his rant, she smiled.

“What is it? Do you know why she is acting this way?” he’d asked softly and she nodded again.

“I believe that she might be jealous of our friendship. Some rumors have started of late. Adults talking about how you and I would go well together. Even though we are only friends, I’m sure she has heard them and believes them.”

He was falling into a whole new level of confusion. It wasn’t like you to listen to gossip and rumors. You’d always thought that sort of thing was petty and cruel. So why would you listen to it now?

That was when he decided he’d had enough of it all. No more cat and mouse games. No more playing around. He was going to get down to the bottom of this with you one way or another.

He approached you in your little crook of the world, determination making it hard for you to push him away.

“Y/n, I’m not leaving until you answer me,” he stated, hands firmly planted on your shoulders as you stared up at him with wide eyes.

“Why are you behaving like this? Did none of this even matter to you? Everything we have built together, all of it. Does it no longer matter to you anymore?”

You were frozen, finally forced to face the conflict of your actions, and you didn’t know how to respond other than to break into tears in his arms.

“She would be so much better for you,” you sob softly as he cradled your body close to him. “She is skinny and tall and beautiful. She is good at all the things you’re good at and she has so much in common with you. She would make you so much happier than I ever could.”

You spill out every thought, every feeling that had been stowed away for weeks in your head.

He listened patiently, letting you ramble until you had no words left to speak.

And then, he pulled you over to your mat, pushing you flat on your back, hands planted on each side of your head.

“I love you. You make my life interesting, Y/n. No one could ever come close to replacing you. I love you and your beautiful body. Your funny jokes and your frustration. I love that cute little groan you make when you miss your target. I love helping you aim your arrows because I can feel your skin against mine and it fills me with warmth. I love cuddling with you at night and kissing every inch of your body. I love talking to you and listening to your exciting stories. Your mischievous adventures always thrill me the most. I’d rather listen to you talking about what you’ve done all day than talk to anyone else.”

He moved down to dust his lips lightly against your own, cupping your jaw gently with his hand.

“I think it’s time to remind you of how much I love you.”

His voice was soft, as quiet as a whisper, and it sent shivers up your spine. You were crying, but it was from relief. He wasn’t going to leave you because he loved you.

It was something he wasn’t going to ever give up on.

His fingers brushed down your body, light as a feather, touching every inch of your skin. And once he’d touched every part of you, he began to trail kisses down your skin, pulling your thighs up over his shoulders so that he could kiss the flesh of your legs. His teeth lightly graze the inner parts of your thighs and you just relish in his gentle kisses and light touches.

He returns his lips back to yours, drawing you into a deeper, more heated kiss. Fingers gently pull your tewng off, discarding it nearby, before he wiggled out of his own. His hands gently press against yours, fingers slotted between your own to grip your hands tightly as he rubbed his girth in between your thighs.

“I love every inch of you,” he whispered as he parted from your kiss. “Every inch of you belongs to me, just like every inch of me belongs to you. I will never throw you away for anyone else.”

[eevees-hobbies]

um um um Eve I had a bad day today and I was wondering if you could (please feel free to ignore me if you’re not interested or I’m annoying!!) write something about some of the windbre boys showing off their chubby gf 👉🏼👈🏼 they can get smutty or stay wholesome, whichever is easier for you. Maybe ume, togame, sakura, endo, and hiragi? Idk if that’s too many people. I hope you’re having a great day!!

Author’s Note: Hi, Anon! I’m sorry to hear you had a bad day,and even though I’m fulfilling this request a few days late (sorry!) I hope that the little piece below makes you smile even a little bit. I’m a thick girl myself, so I love when writers talk about readers' curves, rolls, cellulite, big asses, BREASTS, BIG THIGHS (oh my). Also, please don’t say you’re annoying because you aren’t and never could be, babe 💕. Sorry for not writing for Endo yet (I still haven’t gotten to him in the manga!). I enjoyed writing this. Sakura, please marry me!

Content Warning: Made with fem! reader in mind :) Reader x Haruka Sakura, Reader x Hajime Umemiya, Reader x Toma Hiragi. It's fluffy, except Hiragi does try to sneak something inappropriate in there. Also, tw: for body insecurities.

Word Count: 892 (it’s not about size, it’s what you do with it!)

Dividers by Saradika

Haruka Sakura

Quite frankly, Sakura is tired of your bullshit tonight. You’ve been acting out of the ordinary, hiding behind him, avoiding eye contact with others, and talking barely above a whisper.

“What is wrong with you?” His dual-colored eyes search yours for any indication of what might be your problem. 

“You haven’t given me shit all night, and it’s startin’ to make me nervous!”

You briefly let out a small laugh, but it’s so barely detectable that Sakura can’t savor the sound. 

You open your mouth but avert your eyes from him. “I…I’m being dumb, but I don’t like the way this dress feels on me. I shouldn’t have worn it, and now people are s-staring at me…”

Sakura looks around at the packed bar. Sure, he notices glances, but he knows what it’s like to be looked at as though you’re shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe, and that’s not what he’s seeing. He leans closer to you, his face so close that you can see the individual hairs of his eyelashes.

“Look at me. Everyone’s looking at you because you’re fucking gorgeous, and if someone did have anything to say about your dress,” he pauses, “my new favorite dress, I’ll kick their fucking asses!”

You look up at Sakura in pure adoration, love, and devotion—feeling the insecurity wash away as he looks down at you as though you are the only person in the entire world that matters–and to Haruka Sakura, that’s the case.

“The man that you are, Haruka.” 

Hajime Umemiya

You stand nervously in the bathroom of Cafe Pothos as you splash cool water on your face. You feel on the verge of passing out as anxiety grips your throat and chest, making it hard to breathe.

Quick but soft knocks at the door break you out of your panic attack, and Umemiya’s soothing voice reaches you, “Y/N, my friends are here. Are you ok, babe?”

You are not ok.

You’ve been dating Umemiya for months, and everything had been perfect until he planned a meet-n-greet with his friends. Residual insecurity from partners who were cruel after their friends disapproved of you and what you looked like set you into a spiral that you couldn’t break out of.

But it’s now or never.

You pull open the door and give him your best attempt at a smile for someone who was just having a panic attack in a public restroom.

Umemiya knows exactly what’s going through your mind without you having to say it, and despite his constant praise of you, he understands that sometimes actions are far more effective.

He grabs you by the hand and pulls you into the central area of the cafe, where all of his friends sit. You want to crawl into yourself as all eyes are on you, but before you shut down, Umemiya speaks first.

“Guys! This is my girlfriend, Y/N. Please don’t embarrass me in front of her; she thinks I’m cool.” 

Hiragi offers a kind smile, “Well, she’s going to be disappointed because there’s not a cool bone in your body. Nice to me ya, Y/N. He talks about you all the time.”

Your eyes get wide as you look up at a blushing Umemiya. 

“Really?”

Someone you recognize as Tsubakino chimes in, “All the time, and who can blame him when you’re so cute?”

“Hey, guys, leave the complimenting my girl to me, please. Not trying to have you steal her.”

You feel Umemiya’s hand squeeze yours, and your shoulders relax as you wonder what you were worrying about to begin with.

Toma Hiragi 

Hiragi sighs heavily as he listens to the continuous chatter of Umemiya who is giving a long-winded update on the state of horticulture efforts across North America. It’s a random topic, but Umemiya is in hyperfixation mode, and there’s no stopping him once he gets started.

You’re sitting with them, trying not to let your mind wander in case there’s a pop-quiz on the subject.

Hiragi looks at you and rolls his eyes with a smile; you manage a barely silent giggle in return.

Twenty minutes pass, and the torture ends; as Umemiya squeezes out of the booth and you stand up to allow him to pass, Hiragi follows suit, placing a hand on your stomach and giving the soft flesh a gentle squeeze almost on instinct.

Your face heats up because surely Umemiya saw that, but if he did, he says nothing as he waves goodbye to you both.

You quickly turn to Hiragi once Ume is out of sight, “Toma! Why’d you do that!?”

His brows furrow in confusion at your sudden outburst, “do what?”

“You grabbed my stomach in front of Ume and it was NOT an innocent grab!”

“There you go, being a pain in my ass again. What are you talking about? Ume knows you’re curvy, everyone knows, and I’ll be damned if I let you police my squeezing of you in public.”

“You are an undeniable pervert that should be on a list with other perverts!”

He shakes his head and pulls out his gas-kun10. For someone that he loves beyond a shadow of a doubt, you still somehow manage to stimulate the wrath of his poor digestive system.

“You owe me for that smart-ass remark, girl. You can sit on my-”

“TOMA!”