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schrijverr · 29 days ago

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I Didn’t Declare Martial Status

Divergence from chapter 13, where Eddie doesn’t tell Buck that he was taking the job at the 118, so his first day is a surprise to Buck… and subsequently a surprise for everyone else involved. Especially when Eddie learns that Buck has never mentioned he’s married to anyone there.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie

Warnings: internalized homophobia, referenced near death experience, insecurity

~~~

Eddie is looking over all the offers he’d gotten. His mind keeps coming back to the 118’s offer and spiraling into all the reasons he shouldn’t, before he moves on to looking at another firehouse, only to come back to it and start the cycle again.

After a few rounds of this, Eddie shoves the 118 under the ‘already rejected’-pile. He knows he can find it easily again should he want to, but for now it has a final air that allows him to put it out of his mind.

It’s not something he should want. He should just give it up.

By the time Buck returns from his run, Eddie has actually managed to temporarily forget about it and is focusing on the other offers he’s considering. Though he is now distracted by Buck hanging over the back of the couch, the smell of sweat invading his nostrils as Buck looks at what he’s doing. “Oh, wow, you got a lot of offers.”

The smell is familiar and Eddie smiles reflectively as he tips his head back to be a little shit. He smirks: “You jealous?”

“Uhm, excuse you, I got a lot of offers too,” Buck guffaws, mock offended.

“Sure, you did,” Eddie says playing at patronizing.

“Har, har,” Buck replies, before nodding at all the files and asking: “Have you got your eye on one yet or are you still trying to decide?” He rounds the couch and falls down next to him, eagerly saying: “I’m pretty connected, I can give you house gossip if you want. So you can make a better informed decision of course.”

“Of course,” Eddie snorts, as he thoughtlessly hands him the pile of offers he’s considering. He is always down to hear what’s up and hearing a perspective that’s different from a Captain trying to sell himself is important. So, he just says: “Hit me.”

Buck sorts through the pile glancing at the firehouse numbers as he goes, he keeps up a running commentary on all the houses. “82, oef, they have Hollywood, you hear all sort of weird shit. But sometimes you get to meet famous people, that’s kinda cool.”

“I hate that idea, toss it on that pile,” Eddie points to the rejection pile.

“136, I don’t know them, but they do good work from what I hear. Only good things about the Captain.”

“Oh, that’s good. Give that one here.”

“Hey, the 221, we actually work with them sometimes. Good people. Competent.” Buck hands that one over as well, then grabs the next one. “The 54? I heard their Captain was selling photo shoots with the fire engines on the side, but that’s grapevine work and he’s still Captain, so could be just rumor. Maybe you should take that so you can tell me if it’s true.”

“I’m not joining a firehouse just to satiate your curiosity, Buck. Put it on the pile.”

“Mean,” Buck pouts with a twinkle in his eyes. Then confused he says: “Station 217? You’re contemplating the harbor station? Eddie, you’re not going back into a chopper, are you?”

Eddie grimaces at the fearful look in Buck’s eye, he didn’t want to put that look there when he was having so much fun moments before. “Not really. I just figured I have the experience.”

“Yeah, great experience,” Buck mutters, staring hatefully at the file.

Wanting to move on, Eddie plucks it out of his hands and puts it on the rejection pile. “I wasn’t done sorting everything yet. It wasn’t serious.” He points at the next one saying, “What about this one?”

“The 108,” Buck shakes his head, “those guys have Franklin Canyon park, lot of lost hikers. Haven’t heard anything bad or good about the team, but search and rescue? Not as great as people make it out to be. Most people that get lost are just stupid.”

“Okay, so not that one either,” Eddie decides.

“Station 6? Really?” Buck exclaims. “This is quite the sales pitch. From what I heard, the last guy left because of gross misconduct. Word is there were two of them, but they pinned it on one guy.”

“Jikes, I wouldn’t have guessed,” Eddie says, taking the file and putting it on the reject pile.

“That’s why you have me,” Buck grins.

“My hero,” Eddie smiles back with an eye roll.

They make their way through the whole pile, whittling it down to just a few. Eddie still isn’t sure about any of them, but it’s good to get the bulk out. So, he’s more than happy to clear it all away when Chris comes back with tía Pepa from their shopping trip.

As he puts the files away in his room, the rejected pile is so big that it slumps over and falls off the dresser, coating his floor. Annoyed, Eddie sighs and goes to pick them all up. As he does, his eye falls on the offer from the 118 once more.

He picks the offer up, reading it again: ‘a capable yet reckless firefighter, who needs someone to balance him out.’

Eddie knows he can balance Buck out.

Eddie knows how Buck pours his all into everything.

Eddie knows that might mean that one day Buck will pour so much of himself into his job that he doesn’t come home at the end of his shift. Reckless isn’t a word one tosses around easily.

If he has Buck’s back out in the field, like he does at home, he can prevent that from happening. It’s not selfish to want that, right? It’s for Chris. He already lost a parent once, if Eddie can stop it from happening again, he should right?

For days it plays on his mind. It feels silly to think he could make the difference when Buck is ever in a position where he might not make it out. He’s been out there for a year already, Bobby even called him capable. He knows what he’s doing. If push comes to shove, Eddie won’t be the deciding factor.

But what if he is? What if Buck’s recklessness does him in one of these days and Eddie could have prevented it, but he didn’t? Would he be able to live with himself? Would Chris?

The thoughts keep him distracted and Buck catches on that he doesn’t want to talk about it. It makes Eddie feel terrible, but he can’t share this with Buck.

Buck already does so much, carries so many of Eddie’s burdens and he never thinks he’s good enough, what kind of friend would Eddie be, if he told him he didn’t believe he was good enough at his job to stay alive? That Eddie thought he needed him there to supervise.

But it’s not that.

It’s not that he doesn’t trust Buck to be good at his job. He trusts him so much. He knows – knows it in his bones – that Buck will do everything he can. And it’s that thought that scares Eddie. He doesn’t want to know what it’s like to do it without his best friend. Without his co-parent.

Shannon walking out was one of the hardest days of his life, but Buck made that day better. He survived because of Buck. And he can admit that Shannon was almost a stranger at the end, how will he make it through if it’s Buck that falls away?

It’s a possibility, he doesn’t want to to think about, but that ‘reckless’ is staring back at him, forcing him to contemplate it anyway.

Still, saying yes feels like he’s doing something he’s not supposed to. Eddie can’t explain it, but something inside him is screaming to say yes, while also telling him to feel bad about it, like he’s revealing a secret he’s supposed to keep, though he doesn’t know what that secret would be.

In the end, he’s all but settled on the 221, even tells Buck as much. It’s a good house and he can run into Buck on calls. It’s a good compromise.

He takes his phone with the plan to call the 221 back and accept their offer. Then finds his fingers have put in the number for the 118 instead. Almost in an out of body experience, he sees himself call Bobby Nash and accept the offer.

Eddie is going to work at the 118.

Afterwards, he’s so embarrassed of doing that that he doesn’t say a word to Buck. He knows it’s not going to stop him from finding out, but he tells himself he’ll just call Bobby again, explain why he’s changing his mind and Buck doesn’t have to know. Eddie can just take it to his grave.

He doesn’t take it to the grave.

Instead, he finds himself on the morning off his first day getting wished good luck by Buck and lightly teased for showing up pretty early for a first day. But Eddie takes it in stride, he needs to mentally prepare himself for what’s about to happen.

He has half a mind to show up and immediately ask for a transfer. However, that is also embarrassing and Eddie has put himself through enough already.

By the time, he gets to station 118, he’s pep talked himself a dozen times and convinced himself it’s going to be fine. Buck won’t mind. It’s not as if Eddie has to tell him why he picked this station. No one will have to know. He can just say it was a surprise.

Meanwhile, Buck is feeling so nervous for Eddie’s first day. He played it pretty cool, but he desperately wants it to go well for him. However, he also knows that if it goes well, he won’t be necessary anymore, which makes him hope a little that it goes badly. Which naturally makes him feel like a horrible person.

Overall, he wants it to go well of course. It’s not going to be over in a day and Eddie hasn’t mentioned anything about divorcing Buck when it goes well. He shouldn’t be borrowing trouble from the future.

Still, he craves to know every single detail about Eddie’s first day. And that is overbearing and he shouldn’t if he doesn’t want to scare Eddie off. So he promised himself that he’s only going to text Eddie once around lunch and not spam him. He’ll hear about it over dinner. He’s not going to say ‘quiet’ to increase his chance of running into the 221 and thus Eddie.

He is thinking about it though.

Safe to say, he’s wound up tightly when he enters the firehouse and Buck deals with that by talking, so that is what he does. He ends up putting his foot in his mouth a little, but it keeps him distracted and that’s all that matters.

Then Chimney is suddenly distracted from the conversation by something behind Buck, saying: “Okay, that is a beautiful man.”

“Where’s the lie,” Hen agrees after looking over to what, or who, Chimney is commenting on. “And I like girls.”

Bobby seems amused by their reactions and Buck is just glad for this distraction. He doesn’t care what it might be. So, he looks around as well only to find-

“Eddie?”

All eyes are now on him, but he doesn’t even notice. Because that is definitely Eddie. Eddie is in his firehouse right now. Eddie is in his firehouse, while he is supposed to be on his first day. Meaning that Eddie has to be on his first day at his firehouse. Eddie works at his firehouse.

“You know that guy?” Chimney asks. Then when he doesn’t respond, he asks Bobby: “Did we know Buck knows that guy?”

Tuning out whatever answer is given, Buck suddenly finds it within himself to move, starting to walk faster and faster as the relief of seeing Eddie takes over until he’s running. It’s so irrational, but in this moment, it’s so fucking good to see Eddie. Who cares that he saw him less than an hour ago?

Naturally, Eddie hears him coming, turning around and grinning at Buck. It’s mischievous, as if he pulled some great prank. In a way, he did. Though, there is an undercurrent of nerves, he probably is a little anxious about Buck’s reaction.

He shouldn’t have worried, because Buck is only thrilled to see him. Unluckily for him, the only way Buck knows to get all the emotions out, is by wrapping Eddie up in a big hug, physically lifting him off the ground and squeezing him tight as he shakes him left to right. “Eddie!”

“Hi,” is all Eddie replies, sounding a little weird due to being squeezed, but also amused.

The others have come running too and are watching the whole spectacle with confused looks on their faces. Chimney speaks up after a few beats, asking: “Uh, Buck, why are we shaking the new guy?”

“Sorry, I got excited for a moment.” Buck puts Eddie down carefully, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly.

“Excited?” Hen repeats, but Buck ignores her.

Instead, he directs himself at Eddie and says: “I thought you were taking the 221’s offer. Hell, I didn’t even know Bobby gave you an offer.”

“It ended up on the rejected pile by accident,” Eddie lies with a shrug. “Thought it’d be funny. Kind of a surprise?”

Buck recognizes that it’s a question, asking if it was okay. This basically ensures that Buck will continue getting time with Eddie no matter what happens, so it’s more than fine with him. He grins brightly and replies: “Well, I’m certainly surprised.”

Some of the tension leaves Eddie’s shoulders and his grin becomes more real.

The moment is broken by Hen, calling out. “Hello? What is happening? Is anyone going to explain why Buck just shook the new guy like a cocktail shaker? No?”

“Oh, sorry,” Buck apologizes again. “This is Eddie.”

“Hello, nice to meet you all,” Eddie says with a little wave. “I look forward to working with everyone.”

“Uh, yes, everyone, this Eddie Diaz, our newest recruit,” Bobby gets spurred into action, seeming to recover from the confusion. “I didn’t realize you two knew each other?”

“Really? I thought it would be in our file,” Eddie frowns, now the one being confused. He looks over at Buck for guidance.

Buck winces and grimaces apologetically, explaining: “I, uh- I didn’t declare martial status.”

Silence.

Then all hell bursts lose. Everyone is yelling with all sorts of variations of exclaiming their surprise and disbelief, as well as demanding when that happened and why he never told anyone. Buck feels incredibly overwhelmed, which is not at all helped by how Eddie’s face hardens into something unreadable and stern.

The anxiety from earlier is back with full force and Buck desperately tries to come up with a good excuse to explain himself, without having to confess to how deeply in love he is with Eddie. Nothing comes to mind, nothing he could get away with anyway.

He’s saved by the bell. The alarm starts ringing, quieting everyone down as they freeze for a moment, before Bobby jumps into action: “We’re coming back to this after. Everyone, be professional.”

That’s enough for everyone to jump into motion, getting to their gear and to the vehicles as they make their way to Eddie’s first call. Buck still doesn’t know what to say and Eddie is clearly giving him the cold shoulder.

Hen and Chimney are staring at the two of them with wide eyes, being nosy as they try to get some sort of understanding of the dynamic here. Buck has never felt uncomfortable like this with everyone and he wishes he could turn back time. Make a better choice.

After a few beats of awkward silence, Hen cautiously starts the conversation. “So, Eddie, uh, how long have you two known each other?”

“Three years,” Eddie grits out, while Buck winces.

“Sooo, when did the whole marriage thing happen?” Chimney asks when Hen doesn’t get killed by Eddie for talking to him.

“Two years ago, before I went on my third tour to Afghanistan,” Eddie says, which causes all eyes to swing to Buck, judgment clear as day.

All of them remember Buck 1.0 and it’s not a good look, but Buck doesn’t want to piss Eddie off more by mentioning it’s not like that. Even though he has no clue why Eddie isn’t telling everyone that it’s not like that. Buck doesn’t mind people thinking they’re married for real, but a part of him thought Eddie would be more defensive about it. He doesn’t know how to feel about being wrong about that right now.

The tension – which had never fully left – is back in full force with everyone sitting in it without a clue what to do. They’re all relieved when they arrive on the scene.

During the call, they are professional like Bobby ordered. Eddie fits in well with everyone and Buck tries to remain in the background best he can. He hates it when people are mad at him and he’s pretty sure everyone is mad at him. He first needs to figure out how to make it better, before he wants to risk his skin again by getting the attention back on him.

However, he does have a job to do, so he has to at some point.

Eddie steps in because he cares and is good at what he does, so he doesn’t want to see the man they’re rescuing hurt worse when it could have been avoided. But Buck is intimately aware that the way Eddie is talking to him is different than usual.

Everyone tells Eddie he did a good job and Eddie takes that with his usual politeness and a bit of relieved satisfaction. But Buck doesn’t get to do that, doesn’t get to celebrate a job well done – his first job well done – with Eddie, when that’s all he wants to do.

So, the drive back isn’t much better and the moment, the engine rolls to a halt in the firehouse, Eddie is out of it and stomping over to the lockers.

Buck is sure Bobby will want to talk to them about this, because there are rules about this sort of thing, but he doesn’t care in that moment. Eddie is hurting. And he’s hurting because of Buck. He has to fix this first. So, he just hurries after him without looking at the others once. He’s gotten enough disappointed looks in his life, thanks.

In the locker room, he slows his stride to something more tentative. Softly he says: “You’re mad at me.”

Eddie slams his locker, but doesn’t look around. “Of course I’m mad at you, Buck.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t want you to be mad at me, I just-” He cuts himself, helplessly gesturing for a moment, before continuing: “Just what was I supposed to do?”

“What were you supposed to do?” Eddie asks incredulously, turning around to face Buck. “I don’t know, maybe mention I exist? How about we start there? Three years. We’ve been raising a kid together for three years. And that wasn’t important to mention to the people you consider friends? The people I’ve been hearing about every day for the past year? Do they even know about Chris? Do they know about anything?”

“Uh, no, but-”

“Of course they don’t,” Eddie seethes, not letting Buck finish. Eddie hunches in on himself and looks away. “You know, if you didn’t want to be here anymore, didn’t want to do this anymore, all you had to do is say.”

“What? No! That’s not what this is,” Buck exclaims.

“Really? Because it’s really starting to look like it,” Eddie snaps.

“You don’t understand!”

“Then make me understand,” Eddie yells.

They’re facing each other now, both standing almost nose to nose, breathing heavily as their anger grips them tight.

After a moment, Buck sighs and drops on the bench, burying his head in his hands. “Chris is yours, Eddie, he’s always going to be yours,” he says tiredly. “Nothing I can do can change that. One day, you’re going to find someone you actually love and divorce me and I’m going to lose him, lose my family.”

He looks up and meets Eddie’s gaze. “Do you have any idea how it feels to know that you can lose all you have at any moment? Not even keep a part of it? It’s terrifying. So, no. I didn’t tell my coworkers about you. Or Chris. Didn’t mention I had a family I was about to lose.”

“Buck…” Eddie starts, not knowing what to say. How could he have been so blind to Buck carrying all of this?

“No, Eddie. Don’t. Just don’t,” Buck shakes his head. “I know it’s what we agreed on, I know it’s going to happen and it’s fine. It’s fine. I just want to explain myself. I didn’t mention any of this, because I thought you’d divorce me the second you got those certifications. Every day, I wake up and I’m surprised I still have this. Every day, I ask myself why you’re still here.”

He looks so fucking heartbroken and Eddie can’t stand to have Buck feel that way. Have Buck think like that. However, what comes out is: “You’re a fucking idiot.”

“Wha?”

Eddie grimaces and corrects himself. “Sorry, I mean- You’re not just going to lose Chris. Lose this family, our family. Chris loves you. You’re his father. I’m not gonna let another parent walk away from him, especially when said parent doesn’t want to go. You’re gonna be in his life forever, man, I’m sorry, but you’re stuck now.”

“Do you mean that?” Buck asks with those wide, wet baby blues of his.

“I mean it,” Eddie swears.

Immediately, Buck is tearing up for real, flying off the bench to pull Eddie into a bone crushing hug, that is both similar and not at all like the one he got earlier today.

Earlier today, it was a bone crushing hug, sure. But Buck had grabbed him around the waist and was squeezing the life out of him, because he sometimes gets all these big emotions and he needs to shake something to get it all out. Eddie had felt a swoop through his stomach at how easily he’d done it, but it was a casual hug. An amusing one, if he’s honest.

This hug isn’t like that. It’s again Buck squeezing him to get a big emotion out, but he’s thrown his arms around Eddie’s neck this time, gripping the back of his shirt tightly and hiding his face in the crook of Eddie’s neck. He’s completely surrounded by Buck, yet also holding him up. He’s being his pillar. Having his back.

It’s where Eddie thrives, where Eddie is at his best. He’s always screwed up everything, except having Buck’s back. Though it seems he’s even messed that up, because Buck has been thinking for a year that Eddie would just abandon him without a second thought. To marry someone he loves.

The thought is ridiculous and he can’t help but feel twisty and upset at it. He squeezes Buck back fiercely and whispers: “I don’t want to divorce you, you idiot.”

“You don’t?” Buck replies quietly, as if he’s afraid of breaking something fragile.

Eddie just realizes exactly what his thoughts did and in rapid succession memories he’d repressed, pushed down so deeply, he’d forgotten they existed, come bubbling to the surface. He swallows thickly and holds Buck close, so he can’t step back and see his face. “Uhm, no, I- I don’t. I think?”

He underestimated Buck’s strength, or maybe he isn’t really fighting, because Buck manages to free himself from his hold. Though he doesn’t step back, stays connected from sternum to toes, just leans back enough to look Eddie in the eyes. Buck’s own eyes are wide and filled with something uncertain, but hopeful. He repeats: “You think?”

“Uh-huh.” Eddie nods, biting his lip and looking away. He should step away from Buck now. He should run as far as he can. He’s not supposed to do this. He’s not allowed to want this. However, his feet remain frozen to the ground and his heart keeps beating in Buck’s direction.

Buck’s face does something complicated as he tries to figure out how to respond. In the end, he settles on: “Can you tell me more about what you mean? Like, don’t want to divorce as in this is good for now and you’re not thinking about it, even when you don’t need me per se. Or, don’t want to divorce as in you want to keep this forever?”

“The last one,” Eddie confesses in a whisper, even if he shouldn’t. It’s always been too easy to talk to Buck. Scarily easy. He tells him things he shouldn’t. Fear beats in his throat and his fingers spasm on Buck’s waist. He didn’t even realize he put his hands there.

He glances down and quickly lets go, looking back up to Buck instinctively to apologize. But when he meets his eyes Buck is grinning widely, seemingly not caring. Awed, he asks: “You mean that?”

Wordlessly Eddie nods, before he clears his throat and says: “But I- I only just kind of realized that, like- like just now, and I don’t- I don’t know what it all means yet.”

At that, Buck’s grin softens, always so understanding, so kind. So good to Eddie, even when he feels like he doesn’t deserve it. “That’s okay,” he says. “We’ll figure it out. I kind of want the last one too.”

Tentatively, he leans in, planting a soft kiss on Eddie’s cheek. Blood rushes to his face and a small voice yells at him that this is wrong and he shouldn’t, but it’s drowned out by how good it feels, how much he craves to feel it again.

He feels like a fucking idiot when he does it, but he can’t help but touch his cheek with his finger tips, looking like a maiden from a movie. But Buck just watches him with fond eyes, just holding him while he processes.

After a few seconds, Buck asks: “Was that okay?”

Again Eddie nods, embarrassingly quick and flushes more, leaning forward against Buck’s chest to hide away. He stays there silently for a few seconds, then with a muffled voice, he says: “That was okay. More than okay. I think I’m figuring it out.”

“That’s good,” Buck replies and Eddie can hear the grin in his voice.

They stay like that for what feels like forever, just holding on to the other and letting their breaths and heartbeats sync up. It’s bliss and Eddie wonders why he denied this to himself for so long. This safety, this warmth.

But it can’t last forever, because the moment gets broken by Chimney, who says: “The other disagree, but I said this conversation looked kind of done, so… Are we going to get an explanation or are you two going to do this all day?”

Embarrassed Eddie pulls back immediately, nearly tripping over his feet. He feels absolutely mortified, what a first day to have. All these people must think he’s an idiot.

Without being conscious of it, Buck automatically moves to steady him, the move ingrained and a habit from years of being around Chris, as well as molding himself to be in tune with Eddie’s every move and stumble.

“We’re coming, just give us a moment,” Buck says.

“Alright,” Chimney says, eyeing them suspiciously. “I’ll tell Bobby to put on some coffee, but you better be quick. And no funny business.”

“Chim!” Buck exclaims scandalized while Eddie wants to disappear into the ground.

“What? Won’t be the first time,” Chimney calls back, already backing away.

“Fucking hell,” Buck mutters to himself, before turning to Eddie with concern. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine,” Eddie assures him, still sounding kind of strangled as he tries to get his heart rate down.

“They’re going to ask questions, I wouldn’t want to say anything that makes you uncomfortable, but we do have to explain something,” Buck says. “What do you want to do?”

The thought of letting anyone in about this new thing he only just realized about himself is terrifying, but Eddie knows they have to explain. He doesn’t want to ruin Buck’s friendships, because he is an idiot, who didn’t realize what he made Buck feel and what Buck made him feel. He’s seen the looks they send him, they weren’t happy with this. “We tell them the truth.”

“Alright,” Buck agrees easily. Then he pauses. “And what is the truth?”

“Uhm, that- that we’re figuring it out, starting today?” Eddie suggests nervously.

“I can definitely work with that.” Buck smiles wide enough to light up a solar system and Eddie can feel something inside him unclench.

Still, he says: “But you can do the talking.”

“Course,” Buck huffs with amusement. He slings an arm around Eddie and says: “No problem. Now let’s go, before they send out a search party, because they have dirty, dirty minds.”

“Don’t say that,” Eddie tells him, becoming red with mortification.

“Ah, it’s okay,” Buck assures him, with a light hip check. “This is not weirdest thing we’ve shared with each other.” He pauses. “Though, it is up there.”

“You’re not helping,” Eddie informs him.

“But you want to keep me anyway?” Buck asks and it’s meant to be a tease, but there’s an undercurrent of insecurity that Eddie picks up on.

“Yeah,” he says. “I want to keep you anyway.”

At that Buck actually skips up the last few steps and a bursts of fondness goes through Eddie at the sight. Yeah, he definitely wants to keep this man. Though, he would have preferred it, if he didn’t have to do this right now, he mentally adds when the table comes into view, everyone seated around it.

“Hi,” Buck greets everyone slightly too cheerful for the situation, sitting down at the table and leaving a chair next to him for Eddie to take, which he does more cautiously.

He has barely sat down, when Hen says: “Okay, explain.”

“Yeah, no, of course,” Buck nods. “Everyone, this is Eddie Diaz, he is my husband. Though, you probably got that already.”

“Yeah, we got that already, dumbass,” Chimney says.

“What he is trying to say, is that we’re trying to understand is why you never mentioned or… behaved like you had a husband,” Bobby takes over, clearly uncomfortable with the knowledge they all hold and probably feeling like they should share it with Eddie, but not wanting to just blurt out without having the whole picture.

“That is because we only started figuring it out. Today,” Buck replies. “Like ten minutes ago today. We weren’t- It wasn’t like that before.”

“Okay, now I’m confused,” Hen says.

“Only now?” Chimney retorts, getting an elbow in the side for it.

“Let me just start at the beginning,” Buck says, sending quick a look at Eddie, who nods.

“That might be for the best,” Bobby agrees.

“Four years ago, I was still traveling around, got stranded in El Paso without funds and started working on a farm there. Not that important,” Buck starts. “Anyway, I met Shannon, we became friends. She had a kid, Chris, he was three at the time, and had just divorced Eddie, as it turns out.”

“Wait, you met her a year before you met Eddie?” Hen does the math quickly.

“Yeah, he was in Afghanistan. I babysat Chris sometimes and was pretty close with them by the time Eddie came back a year later,” Buck answers.

“He was close with your ex-wife? How did you two end up married? Sparks at first sight?” Chimney asks, directing the question at Eddie.

Eddie looks a bit uncomfortable, suddenly reminded of that part of him that had been glad that Shannon had been maybe cheating on him. That makes more sense now, but it’s not the time. “Uh, no. Shannon walked out on Chris, signed over full custody to me and got on a plane without saying a word. Buck was babysitting Chris when it happened. So that’s how we met.”

That part of the story always makes people uncomfortable – not that they share it often, exactly because of that reason – so Buck clears his throat and quickly moves on. “We did become friends right away. With Shannon gone, I offered to help Eddie look after Chris and we kind of did that for that first year.”

“Wait, you two have kid?” Chimney suddenly realizes what that means. “You’re a parent?”

“Yeah, Christopher,” Buck says excitedly, always ready to brag and feeling more confident in claiming Chris now then when he first got here. He pulls out his phone and shows them a picture. “He turned seven a bit ago. It’s honestly crazy how much he’s grown. He’s a super smart kid, definitely doesn’t get that from us.” “Hey!” “He loves the zoo. Really good at biology and he’s a grade ahead in reading level.”

“He seems like a great kid,” Hen smiles, knowing that’s what you want to hear. Probably means it too.

Chimney, however, does not know that and exclaims: “I can’t believe probie Buck is a dad. That just feels wrong. You’re such a frat bro, it hurts.”

“I’m not a probie anymore and I was only in a frat for one semester, before I dropped out,” Buck argues, trying not to let the comment get to him.

Before Chimney can make it worse, they’re all interrupted by a giggle. Everyone looks over to the sound to find Eddie trying to stifle it. He waves his hand around for a few seconds, before choking: “A frat bro? Buck?”

“What’s so funny about that?” Chimney wonders in confusion.

“He does have massive frat bro vibes,” Hen agrees with an apologetic grimace.

“It did seem the most likely.” Even Bobby picks their side. Ouch.

“Are you guys serious?” It seems like Eddie’s eyes are going to bulge out of their sockets. “Wow, you guys are truly serious. You’ve clearly never seen him do broccoli Godzilla or argue with a six year old about bedtime.”

“Hey, broccoli Godzilla worked and you agreed about bedtime, I was trying to be bad cop for once,” Buck protests, though he’s smiling as he does. A warmth goes through him at how Eddie sees him, truly sees him. Not as a frat bro, but as a father. Chris’s father.

“Broccoli Godzilla?” Hen repeats with amused confusion.

“Yeah, when Chris was four, he hated broccoli, so we did broccoli Godzilla where we pretended to be Godzilla ripping trees out of the ground and eating them. It was the only way he would eat them for a year,” Buck explains.

“And that worked?” Hen asks and Buck nods. “You truly are a parent,” which makes Buck beam.

“So, how did this end up in you two being married as… friends?” Bobby asks, trying to get them back on track, but unsure if he’s on the right one.

“Oh, yeah, so we did that for a year, but then Chris had to get surgery twice and medical bills are expensive, so Eddie had to re-enlist, but his parents wanted to take Chris, so we got married so I could adopt Chris so they couldn’t,” Buck quickly runs through it. He doesn’t want to get into the shitty-ness of Eddie’s parents on his first day in front of everyone.

“I got injured on my tour and we decided to stay married until I had recovered, so Chris could stay on Buck’s insurance. And me too, I suppose,” Eddie pipes up, telling the part Buck hates without prompting, just because he knows him so well.

“Yeah, I thought he would divorce me when he was better and started working again, so it felt weird to talk about it,” Buck picks the story back up. “So, I didn’t mention any of it to you guys. Then today happened and we realized we kept being married, because neither of us wanted to divorce. So that’s a recent development.”

Everyone processes for a moment, before Bobby breaks the silence. “I honestly don’t know what sort of paperwork I’ll have to give you two.”

The statement is so mundane, but also so absurd that it highlights frankly just how ridiculous the whole situation is. From Buck just running off to sweep the new guy off his feet to suddenly realizing they’re married, to thinking they’re watching a marriage implode in real time, to finding out they’ve started dating today.

All of them burst out into laughter, any tension that had still been there dissipating.

It takes a while, before they manage to get control of themselves, but once Buck manages, he smiles at Bobby and says: “When you figure it out, we’ll fill it in. You think they’ll let us continue working together?”

“We’ll have to see, I can’t promise these things,” Bobby says apologetically. “We have to make sure it won’t affect you in the field.”

“If that’s the case, we don’t have to worry,” Eddie pipes up, nudging Buck and smiling at him when he looks back. “We make a great team.”

“Hell yeah,” Buck grins widely too.

The others look a little more skeptical, but to be fair, their teamwork today has been less than stellar with the lack of communication and then a cold shoulder. However, by the time the two of them are pulling a grenade out of a man’s leg, that worry is gone. They do make a great team.

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nevermore-grimes · 6 months ago

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𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 🪞

Dividers by @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more

Role(s): Primpara Age: 33 Gender: Transgender Female Pronouns: She/her Species: Human Birthplace: Knowhere Sexuality: Pansexual Spotify Playlist(s): Mirror Mirror

More Info

TW: Mentions of plastic surgery and suicide

Venice was born and raised on Knowhere, and her mother idolized Nevermore’s work as “Justice Incarnate”, leaving Venice to feel ignored and largely unloved.

Wanting to gain her mother’s approval, Venice vowed to live her life as closely to Nevermore’s as possible.

So, Venice began to alter her life to try to fit Nevermore’s mold. She watched clips of Nevermore that made the news to study her fighting style, completely changed her closet to dress like Nevermore, and even got plastic surgery to look more like Nevermore before going under an alias that was similar to Nevermore’s name.

This actually worked, filling Venice with a sense of pride and self worth.

Once her mother died, Venice felt like she’d wasted her whole life fighting a losing battle, only to have nothing left for herself (or of herself).

So, Venice vowed to find Nevermore and make her pay for the hell she indirectly put her through.

But, her first confrontation with Nevermore ended in her being so overwhelmed by defeat that she committed suicide.

Venice was later revived in The War Saga, but she was revived with her own face, no plastic surgery included.

This, however, didn’t magically solve Venice’s issues, and Nevermore made it her mission to help Venice find her sense of self again. So, the two grew to become allies, and even friends.

Meanwhile, her job at S.H.I.E.L.D. introduced her to Giffany, who she eventually grew feelings for, and after Giffany’s succubus reveal, the two ended up dating.

#primpara: venice #madd #maladaptive daydreaming #maladaptive daydreams #para portal #paraportal #paracosm #parache #tw: insecurity #tw: suicide #tw: angst #tw: plastic surgery

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pollenallergie · 2 years ago

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I’m so glad I’m out of that stage in my life where I was so insecure that even just seeing a girl who was blonde and petite made me insanely jealous of her. Like as a teen, I would’ve irrationally hated Chrissy Cunningham (and by extension, GVD because that’s how irrationally insecure I was) from the moment I saw her just because she is everything I wanted to be back then. However, since I was introduced to the legend that is Chrissy (and the lovely GVD) as an adult who’s learned to be much more comfortable in her own skin, I’m able to truly appreciate her beauty and know that her being beautiful doesn’t make me, someone who is just about the complete opposite of her, any less beautiful. Also, specifically in the case of Chrissy, I’m able to get a lil crushy-wushy on her and daydream about like holding her hand and doing adorable couple-y shit with her… the way the bi gods intended. 💕✨

#personal #tw: body image issues #tw: insecurity #sorry for the rant #but all the chrissy content i’ve been seeing lately made me realize how grateful i am to no longer be an insecure teen #like all that insecurity made me straight up spiteful #and it also got in the way of me fully exploring/appreciating my bisexuality #i hope that those insecure individuals who continue to harass GVD online can grow like i did and get over their own jealousy #i mean i never did anything that extreme when i was insecure… but i know that many of their brutal actions are rooted in the same feelings #to those of you who still carry around that insecurity and bitterness…#know that you can never truly be happy until you learn to be comfortable in your own body #you don’t have to love yourself #you don’t even have to like yourself #you just have to learn to regard your body with more neutrality #stop criticizing your body and just accept it for the way it is and you’ll be soooo much happier #i promise

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jammyjams1910 · 2 years ago

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When is it my turn to not have dark body hair that grows back right after I shave, then I won't be scared to wear anything that doesn't cover my entire body

When is it my turn to not have this stupid underbite in my teeth, then I won't feel ashamed to show them at all

When is it my turn to not have this condition that makes my enamel thin, then people can stop calling my teeth gross

When is it my turn to not have feminine curves, I absolutely hate having curves, this may not make sense to some but being genderfluid & often not feeling feminine, and going to a school where a lot of boys are also dealing with hormones, and I already hate being the centre of attention, having feminine curves at my age is absolute fucking hell for me (hopefully this makes sense cos I already feel uncomfy typing this out)

When is it my turn to not be covered in acne and insect bites, I started getting this when I was only 10 and I got bullied everyday for it

Everyone in year 5 was still pretty and youthful while I was the only one who looked like an ugly monster, being an early bloomer is the fuckin worst

All the girls in my year always wear shorts and t-shirts in PE cos they don't need to worry about their body hair since their's light coloured and barely show at all, meanwhile over here, last night I shave myself, next day its back again cos it's that easy to see

When will I ever not have these insecurities and actually feel comfortable in my own body

#venting again #wow well done me #tw: insecurity #insecurities #tw: vent #jammyjams talks #jammyjams spills the tea #jammyjams loses their sanity #i hate my body #i hate how i look #without any denial I truly do believe I'm ugly

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purifytheair-mysanguinebeloved · 2 years ago

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fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, FUCK

i cant fuck this up again

fuck im so scared

help me please i cant fuck up the only good thing in my life

#yandere #darling #purifytheair #yandere irl #darling irl #irl darling #irl yandere #lovesick #red #fear #tw: relationship fears #tw: fear #tw: insecurity #relationships #fuck im so scared please

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muimira · 9 months ago

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#new art yeaaah #we have GOT to stop drawing this guy #my art #gintama #sakata gintoki #cw blood #tw blood #sorry for deleting I got insecure but I will be brave

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dandelionsresilience · 2 months ago

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Dandelion News - September 15-21

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $kaybarr1735 or check out my new(ly repurposed) Patreon!

1. A beam of hope for North America’s most endangered sparrow

“Dozens of conservationists, gathered some distance away to avoid spooking the skittish sparrows, celebrated the [release of the 1000th captive-raised sparrow] in an unprecedented recovery program that in only a few years has doubled the bird’s wild population, from a mere 80 five years ago to some 200 today. […] “What we have achieved is the best case scenario.””

2. U.S. overdose deaths plummet, saving thousands of lives

“"In the states that have the most rapid data collection systems, we’re seeing declines of twenty percent, thirty percent," said Dr. Nabarun Dasgupta, an expert on street drugs at the University of North Carolina. […] According to Donaldson, many people using fentanyl now carry naloxone, a medication that reverses most opioid overdoses. He said his friends also use street drugs with others nearby, ready to offer aid and support when overdoses occur.”

3. Propagated corals reveal increased resistance to bleaching across the Caribbean during the fatal heat wave of 2023

“”[… Y]oung corals bred for restoration are a lot more resistant to bleaching under extreme levels of heat stress than the prevailing corals on the reef." [… Unlike with the previous propagation strategy, fragmentation, e]very time a population reproduces, new offspring receive newly mixed sets of genes through recombination, making them different from their parent colonies and thus enabling adaptation.”

4. Habitat Management Helps At-Risk Butterflies

“For a number of at-risk butterflies in the United States, habitat management can play an important role in keeping them from going extinct. [… “In] places where people are actively engaged with ways to manage the habitat, the butterflies are doing the best,” said Cheryl Schultz, a professor of conservation biology at Washington State University[….]”

5. Study: Protecting the ocean helps fight malnutrition

“[The study] found that fish catches in coral reefs could increase by up to 20 percent by expanding sustainable-use marine protected areas — that is, areas where some fishing is allowed with restrictions[, … and] that sustainable-use marine protected areas have on average 15 percent more fish biomass than non-protected areas. […] “Allowing regulated fishing in marine protected areas can support healthy fish populations, while also having a positive impact on the quality of life of surrounding communities.””

6. [FWS] Advances Effort to Create Urban Conservation Footprint in Tucson

““We want to continue to work together to create an urban footprint to improve access to nature, conserve habitats, and improve air and water quality.” […] The area provides habitat for several federally listed species, including southwestern willow flycatcher, western yellow-billed cuckoo, and Mexican garter snake. If protected, the area will also help connect critical habitat for jaguar and Chiracahua leopard frog.”

7. ‘Exciting’ solar breakthrough means energy can be kept in sustainable batteries that don’t overheat

“The technology is based on a specially designed molecule of carbon, hydrogen and nitrogen that changes shape when it comes into contact with sunlight. These are common elements - providing an alternative to other technologies relying on scarce materials like lithium. […] A unique feature of the system is that the molecules also provide cooling in the photovoltaic cell[, which can store solar energy “for up to 18 years.”]”

8. Sea turtles make big comeback on sandy beaches at 2 British military bases in Cyprus

“[… The] number of nests surpass[ed] last year’s record count by nearly 25%, environmentalists said Tuesday. […] “The steep increase in turtle nests has been the result of a consistent, systematic ‘hands-off’ approach, together with enforcement efforts to minimize illegal, damaging activities on nesting beaches[….” D]aily patrols by volunteers ensure that aluminum cages set atop the nests remain in place to protect the turtles from predators like foxes and dogs.”

9. First ever photograph of rare bird species New Britain Goshawk

“The last documented scientific record of the bird is from 1969[….] Working closely with [“the Indigenous Mengen and Mamusi peoples”], WWF hopes to support local stewardship to safeguard the future of these incredible biodiversity hotspots through community-led conservation.”

10. Hospitals begin offering breakthrough radiation therapy for metastatic cancer tumors

“[First,] a patient is injected with a radioactive glucose (or sugar) tracer. The machine picks up the tracer in real time and in bright colors, [… then] reads a signal from the cancer cells breaking down the tracer. [… “The] machine is automatically and autonomously reacting and responding to those signals by shooting radiation back to their source[….]””

September 8-14 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

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kyuhu · 2 months ago

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love is in the air or maybe not idk

#lietpol #hws poland #hws lithuania #uhhhh #violence tw #kinda #anatomy is weird??? Also Feliks hair/head as always #affectionately blaming tonitoewyn for sending me a tiktok that may have been unrelated but motivated me to draw this yay #death mention tw #like not really but implied??#idk I'm always so insecure with tag warnings sorry

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schrijverr · 27 days ago

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I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 14

Chapter 14 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Buck realizes that their scheme might be harder than expected and, in a moment of panic, he starts a fake rivalry with Eddie. The two of them are forced to play it out and figure out a way to get it over with to cement Eddie’s place at the 118.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie (slow burn)

Warnings: internalized homophobia, insecurity, injury

~~~

Chapter 14: Second First Meeting

Buck arrives to the station already in uniform, he spots Eddie in the locker room changing into his own uniform and is dying to go over there and check in on him. However, he has already changed, so it’ll be weird to just go over.

Or maybe it wouldn’t be weird, Buck is a social person, he’d want to know the new face. But maybe that’s too familiar, which is what they’re trying to avoid.

Before he can make a decision, the choice is taken from him by Hen and Bobby who greet him as he comes near them. They’re standing in the path towards the locker room and Buck is embarrassed to admit he didn’t notice them until they start speaking.

Suddenly feeling the need to do something in character, he starts rambling about body fat. He wanted to submit to the calender, because it sounded fun and he likes his body, is proud of it. Plus, it’s for charity. Then he got a little carried away into a rabbit hole about it. It hasn’t been effecting the meals he’s cooking at home, but he’s been putting in more time at the gym.

That devolves into a whole other conversation, until Chimney suddenly derails it. “Okay, that, is a beautiful man.”

“Where’s the lie. And I like girls,” Hen agrees, looking over Buck’s shoulder to where he knows Eddie is.

Buck turns around too, because knowing who is there already is suspicious. He spots Eddie puling on a shirt and aches to agree with Chimney and Hen, it wouldn’t be weird, they were already talking about attractive men and even Hen agrees that Eddie is beautiful. However, admitting that feels like admitting he’s in love with Eddie and he doesn’t want anyone to know about that. Ever.

So he looks at Eddie, who is looking very attractive and very much in cahoots with him and he wants them to be even more in cahoots, scheming, whatever. But he can’t. Everyone will know something is up if he agrees Eddie’s attractive. It’s irrational, but his brain doesn’t register that. All he knows is that he needs to do the opposite of that, so he says: “Who the hell is that?”

“That’s Eddie Diaz, new recruit. Graduated top of his class just this week. Guys over at station 6 were dying to have him, but I convinced him to join us,” Bobby tells him, because of course he does, he has no reason to think that is Buck’s husband he’s talking about. Why would he? That was the whole point.

Noting that the deflection worked, Buck decides that this is permanently the best course of action for now. “What do we need him for?”

They all laugh at him and that doesn’t feel great, even if it’s my his own design, because he’s acting stupid on purpose. And when Bobby starts telling him about Eddie’s accomplishments, he wants to bite that he knows that, thank you, he raised his child while he was on said tours and nursed him back to health after the stunt that earned him a Silver Star. But he manages to bite his tongue.

He can just back out now, go follow after everyone and have an amicable interaction with Eddie, before smoothly diving into team work. It’s sensible, but a part of his brain feels like he’ll give the game away, so he follows after the others with a bit of a frown on his face.

When Eddie sees him, he raises his brows slightly, asking what the face is all about. As the others look somewhere else, Buck drops it for a second for something more apologetic.

“Eddie, this is Buck,” Bobby says. “Buck this is Eddie. He’ll be your partner in the field from now on, I expect you to keep him in the loop.”

“Yes, Cap,” Buck nods, before looking at Eddie without saying a thing.

Luckily, Eddie seems to pick up what he’s putting down and in a more polite tone than he had greeted the others with he says: “It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Buck says, a word he has never said before, but felt correct in the moment. Though, right now his correct feels kind of dumb, but he’s in too deep now. They’re both in too deep.

Everyone is just looking between them, picking up on the tension. If Buck is honest, his own tension is not so much Eddie as it is everyone else. He is a horrible liar and he doesn’t know why he ever agreed to this and now he started something and he doesn’t know how to get out of it and he’s sure it’s written all over his face.

However, before he can spiral further, he is saved by the bell, all of them quickly getting into their gear as they go to their first call of the day.

That is good. Being on a call is good. He knows what to do on calls, he likes being on them, talking with people, helping them. It’ll be good to get out of his own head about the whole charade, scheme, cahoots thing they have going on.

There is only one problem with this, usually Eddie isn’t on calls with them and Buck is only now realizing that Eddie looks super hot in that uniform and he’s even more hot when he’s being competent. Which makes getting his mind off Eddie really fucking hard.

Of course his focus is all on the patient when they lift him off the pump and onto the ground, but then Chim. Hen and Eddie are working on him and he can observe them. Mostly Eddie though.

Buck is a little offended that Eddie gets picked over him to help, but then again Eddie was an army medic and he just has EMT training. Plus, he’s a little distracted by Eddie’s Eddie-ness, so maybe it’s best for him to be on the side.

Then Bobby’s voice snaps him into action: “Buck I need you to get a 14-gauge angiocath. We need to start decompressing the pleural cavity.”

“Alright, alright,” Buck says more to himself as he gets everything and starts working on the patient.

“Want me to help?” Eddie offers, which isn’t unusual.

“I got it,” Buck assures him, not wasting more words, but Eddie gets it. They can communicate with minimal words, even if it might sound curt to others. He wants to focus on the patient, Eddie understands. “Hang in there, Hector,” he tells the man.

He goes to insert the gauge when Eddie’s voice stops him. “I’d go lower.”

“What?” Buck is so sure he remembers right, checking his own mental catalog again and finding what he’s doing there. Confused he says: “Uhm, no. Second intercostal space. Midclavicular line.” Eddie should know this.

“The chest wall is thinner at the fifth intercostal at the anterior axillary line. There’s a decreased chance of injuring any vital organs. I’ve treated guys with collapsed lungs in combat,” Eddie explains.

Buck is willing to believe him, but with his qualifications, he’s not sure he just wants to do something outside of the book. If this goes south, it’s his ass on the line. So, he looks at Bobby, letting him make the call.

“Do it,” Bobby confirms.

“Please,” Eddie says, holding out his hand to take the gauge from Buck. And Buck hands it to him, getting a: “Thank you.”

It’s a little cute that Eddie’s being polite in the middle of an emergency like that and not entirely like him, especially not with Buck. However, he must still be a little nervous too, wanting to put his best foot forward. Buck can’t help but be fond, however, he remembers himself on time so the snort he’s already letting out on time sounds a bit harsher than it should be.

“Can you help me out with the shirt?” Eddie asks and Buck knows he could do it by himself, he just knows Buck too well to leave him idle like that on a day like this. So he rolls his eyes as he goes to help, suppressing a smile.

Eddie gets the gauge in and Hector deflates as they’d hoped, coming to and becoming more stable so they can transport him. And like that, Eddie has survived his first call and very successfully Buck might add, the others even take time to point it out.

“Yeah, good call,” Buck also says, much like the others. He does it very seriously, giving Eddie a magnanimous nod as he does so, playing up the approving elder vibes.

As expected, Eddie gives him a deadpan look – though Buck can see the amusement in his eyes – and doesn’t reply beyond that, just getting back in the engine with everyone else.

Buck is happy to have Eddie there and working with him on a call went well, smooth. Having the two of them at the same house was the right call. It’s nice to click that well with somewhere out there instead of having to get used to someone new every shift.

However, being back from the call means having to be in the firehouse without acting weird around Eddie. Buck still isn’t sure how to do that. He took the ‘I need to warm up’-route, which he is starting to regret, but he’s in it now.

So, he flees to the work out section when he can. He can’t be weird with anyone if he’s working out and it will help getting the jitters out.

Eddie joins him soon after, back towards him as he softly asks: “What are you doing?”

“I panicked,” Buck hisses back.

“And that was your solution?”

“Well, I had to do something, what did you want me to do? Be besotted with you?”

“I didn’t expect you to have a problem with me!” Eddie says, a little louder than all the other things they’ve said so far, as he turns to face Buck.

Before Buck can answer or they can lower the conversation again, they spot Chimney, who has come up to work out as well and who totally caught what Eddie just said. Fuck. They both give each other a caught look, before Eddie goes all in, raising his voice more as he says: “So, what’s your problem, man?”

“What’s my problem?” Buck repeats, giving himself time to attempt to come up with something, before blurting out: “You. You’re my problem.” Eddie sends him a ‘what the fuck, dude’-look and Buck flashes a helpless look back, he also doesn’t know why he said that, but it seemed the most logical at the time.

“Why?” Eddie asks, making him realize that Chimney is still watching their argument and he should probably have a reason for saying that Eddie is his problem.

“You’re too familiar,” is what he finds himself saying, before he can think it through. Though once he says it, he can’t regret it. It makes sense. It’s not a lie and it will deflect any weird closeness they have by acknowledging it.

“What?” Eddie chokes and it might sound disbelieving or offended, but Buck can see the amusement twinkling in his eyes. The fucker is enjoying Buck digging himself into a hole.

As the whole day has been; in for a penny, in for a pound. “You heard me. You’re too familiar, there is supposed to be an adjustment period, but you just waltz in here like you know everyone a bit already. It’s weird that you fit in like that.” Now he has to stop himself, but it turns into a love confession about how well Eddie fits everywhere.

“Look, I in no way meant to be too familiar or step on anyone’s toes. I hear you’re a good guy,” he says, his eyes doing a little amused sparkle that makes Buck roll his eyes. “I’m sorry I got too familiar. I’ll give you some space. Be unfamiliar.”

And with that Eddie has successfully ended their fake spat, gathering his things and leaving the gym area. Buck tries not to miss him as he watches him go.

“What the fuck was that?” Chimney asks, snapping Buck’s attention back to him, instead of staring after Eddie.

“I don’t know what you mean,” he huffs as he turns back to his exercise, even though he knows very well what he means.

Chimney sends him a look that tells him Chim also knows he knows. “Come on, Buck, don’t play stupid. You’re like a golden retriever, man’s best friend and all that. It’s usually impossible for you to not get along with people. What the hell did Eddie do to you? Shit in your dinner?”

Buck scowls at that, it’s not like Chimney is wrong and he knows he’s being an asshole to Eddie, even if it’s just a little bit, but Eddie is being an asshole right back, he should get also get interrogated about it.

Not that they know Eddie is being an asshole back, because he has perfected being polite and cutting, so he actually has a poker face and he went all polite and understanding in their fight, while secretly laughing at Buck the whole time. It’s so unfair.

“He just rubs me wrong,” he says in the end, before he adds: “I just need to get used to him. We worked well together out there,” because he doesn’t want Chim to think he’ll never like Eddie when he actually likes Eddie so much. A bit too much, but who’s counting.

“Hm, alright,” Chimney hums after a moment, before letting it go, an unreadable expression on his face.

Eddie and Buck mostly avoid each other for the rest of the afternoon. Eddie honestly doesn’t know what Buck was thinking, but he panicked was a pretty reasonable explanation, he supposes. Still, this is not how he imagined his first day would be like. Though, he should have guessed their plan wouldn’t go as smoothly as they had hoped.

So far Eddie loves working at the 118. He is a pretty private person and has no qualms keeping most of his life to himself, but he can’t deny that he feels comfortable with them. He can definitely see himself become work friends with Chimney and Hen, and Bobby seems like a good Captain that he’ll happily serve under.

And then there’s Buck.

Working together with Buck today has been as fun and easy as Eddie hoped. They communicate seamlessly and have an easy back and forth, Eddie doesn’t have to feel awkward getting to know a partner, having to open up to get that, he can just slide back into the friendship they already have. At least, out in the field.

Because due to Buck’s panic the two of them are now caught in some weird rivalry when they’re off the field and Eddie doesn’t really know how to get out of it or what to do with it.

They’ll need some sort of story if they want to move on and be friends, but that might take time if they have to play it out all the way through. Bobby will probably remove Eddie before then, since he’s been hired to be Buck’s partner. Or they’ll come clean and clear it up that way, but that will still result in Eddie getting moved, just with way more embarrassment.

It isn’t that he is embarrassed of Buck or like homophobic about it. Gay people can do whatever they want, it’s not his business and he knows that he is technically gay married, even though they’re both straight. People have assumed often enough, he doesn’t mind. But the thought of having to explain it all to the 118? To have to lay bare his failures as a parent that led him to depend on Buck and drag him down with him, when it’s clear they all love him? It’s terrifying.

Eddie should request a transfer instead, say he doesn’t mind working with Buck and that he likes the 118 a lot, but that it will be better for him to join the B shift, instead of being Buck’s direct partner. They tried the ruse, it’s not working out, it’ll be for the best.

He has all but made up his mind, ready to bring it up to Buck when they get home for tonight so he can approach Bobby next shift when the alarm rings and they all make a break for the rig.

They all have their spots in the rig. Buck told him all about that first day where he sat in Hen’s spot, shuddering as he relived it. So, Eddie remembered Buck telling him where everyone sat, so he wouldn’t do that himself.

Eddie’s spot is across from Buck.

Neither of them know what to do with that.

Luckily, the call itself is a distraction from the awkward ride, because some dumbass got a grenade stuck in his leg. Yes, a grenade. You don’t see that every day, even when you’re an army medic, Eddie should know.

Buck and Bobby go in while Eddie goes to the ambulance. He wants to go in with them, it feels weird to leave Buck alone like that, especially when there’s an explosive involved. He hates their plan a lot right now, he’s sure Bobby would have send the two of them if they hadn’t been fighting earlier.

The decision he made earlier to quit this shift sits wrongly in his bones as he watches Buck disappear into the house, his shoulders tensed for an explosion as he readies the ambulance.

However, Bobby is already separating them, he’s probably not going to keep Eddie on this shift for long. He curses Buck’s panic and waits for the radio to crackle. Before all this, he didn’t worry about Buck when he was on shift, but now that he knows when Buck can endanger himself, he can’t stop worrying. It’s annoying.

Despite his annoyance at himself, he can’t help, but be incredibly relieved to see Buck exit the house next to the gurney.

He is also a little hopeful about getting to keep his job when Bobby forces Buck into the ambulance with him in an obvious ploy to have them get along. The man must have a lot of faith in his decision making skills and Eddie is grateful for it.

Reluctantly Buck gets in the ambulance, Eddie has to bite his lip to not laugh at the wide eyes his friend has. He is even more stressed out about their little scheme.

The drive starts off in professional silence. Johnson is still driving and neither of them really know how to act now. Buck tries to push a little about the wounds he saw in the service, he always wants Eddie to talk and Eddie wants to do anything but talk. It’s actually a bit of a spat, which sells their bit he supposes, though he glowers at the wound regardless. Only for his heart to drop.

��Pull over!”

Soon they’re all standing outside, Charlie in the ambulance slowly bleeding out while they decide if he’s safe enough to help. It’s infuriating. It shouldn’t matter. They should be helping. Eddie should be helping. He already let Greggs die and for what? Because it was too dangerous? He’s not letting that happen again. Not on his watch.

“He doesn’t have an hour,” Buck realizes as they’re talking, something Eddie is also realizing.

Suddenly he finds himself saying: “I can do it. If he doesn’t go to surgery soon, he’ll die.”

“You’ve done this before?” Bobby asks.

“Well, none of the guys I served with were dumb enough to shoot a live round in themselves, but I'm familiar with the ordnance,” Eddie says.

“I’m in,” Buck immediately pipes up, because of course he’s in. Him and Buck have always faced everything together from the moment they met, dealing with Shannon leaving, raising Chris. Even when Eddie left for war, they still dealt with the battle behind that decision – Eddie’s parents – together.

So, soon they’re in the ambulance together, working on getting the grenade out. It’s tense and both of their attention is entire on Charlie’s leg. Eddie isn’t sure he could have done it with anyone other than Buck by his side.

It’s not until they get the grenade into the box and are working on clamping the arteries so Charlie will make it to surgery that they can talk a little, finally having the privacy. Unless you want to count Charlie, but he’s now unconscious.

“I think I went a little overboard with the whole not knowing each other thing,” Buck says.

“Yeah, no shit.”

“How are we going to get out of this? I mean, we need to come up with something, right?”

“Heard you talking to Bobby before we got in,” Eddie muses. “About how he wanted us to bond and this was a way to get real close.”

“That was a joke about us exploding and becoming indistinguishable from each other as the force turned us into goop, Eddie,” Buck deadpans.

“I know that, you idiot,” Eddie rolls his eyes, placing the last clamps. “I’m just saying, they might buy it. You’re not the type to hold a grudge, they know that. This is bonding enough, right?”

Buck pulls a thoughtful face as they start to move Charlie, before he grins at Eddie: “You know what, I think they will. Good to have you aboard, probie.”

“Still not calling me probie,” Eddie shoots back, but he can’t deny that it sounds incredibly fond.

With that, both of them get out of the ambulance, pushing the gurney with Charlie on it away from the ambulance as fast as they can, before handing it over, so they can get their gear off and the robot can move in on the ambulance.

Bobby is there, so Eddie guesses this is the moment. The mock argument they had was poking fun at Buck, but this feels like a performance and he cringes at himself when he says: “You’re a badass under pressure, brother.” He has never called Buck brother before and he’s unsure why he felt the need to do so now.

“Me?” He sees Buck bite his lip to stop himself from laughing at him, then duck his head to make it bashful. Honestly the guy could be an actor.

“You can have my back any day,” Eddie says and he means it too. He always means it. He never wants anyone else to have his back.

“Yeah,” Buck agrees, then, because he’s Buck, who will be a little shit when he can be, he adds: “Or, you know, you could- you could have mine.”

Eddie laughs. “Deal.”

Their performance is a success, because Bobby looks incredibly pleased with himself as he approaches them. “Nice work, fellas. I’m glad you both made it out of there.”

“The guy’s a professional, Cap. I was never really worried,” Buck grins and Eddie’s heart floods with warmth at the genuine pride he sees in Buck’s eyes.

Luckily, he never has to investigate that feeling. Ever. Because the ambulance they were just in blows up.

It’s a little funny to see Buck and Bobby jump up at the noise and Eddie feels a little smug at their shocked and impressed faces when they turn back to him. Slightly too chipper, he grins: “You guys hungry?”

Bobby declines, but Buck enthusiastically agrees – not that Eddie expected any different when he offered – and he’s glad it’s just them so they can be just them. Though he doesn’t miss Bobby’s proud look before they leave. At least they convinced him they can get along, Eddie is pretty sure he won’t be moved now.

Eddie takes Buck to a burger joint near the station. He’s maybe a little too excited about paying even though he and Buck have shared finances. It just feels good to treat Buck with money he is earning after all he’s done for him.

Once they’re seated, they clink their burgers together in a sort of toast as Buck grins: “To your first successful shift at the 118.”

“And my first paycheck,” Eddie grins back.

“Yeah, and hopefully the end of our rivalry,” Buck laughs.

“I still can’t believe you did that,” Eddie says, way too amused about it now that it’s behind them.

Buck blushes and scowls, though it’s more of a pout on him. “I was put on the spot, you haven’t experienced their nosiness first hand.”

“I did a little,” Eddie scoffs, remembering the interrogation about his Silver Star.

“That was nothing, just wait until they actually want to know something,” Buck snorts and Eddie starts to dread signing up for the 118 just a little.

After their burgers, they both get into their cars and drive by Abuela. Eddie tells her a bit about his first day, feeling like a little kid again, telling her about his first day at school. Meanwhile Buck is getting Chris, appearing moments later with the sleeping form of their kid in his arms as both Eddie and Abuela lower their voices as to not wake him.

Buck kisses Abuela on both cheeks, maneuvering gently so Chris doesn’t bump into anything, before Eddie gets the doors, saying his goodbyes, then coming to help buckle Chris in. He’ll tell him about his shift as promised over breakfast.

When they come in for their next shift – still both in different cars and at different times since Chris has to be dropped off – Hen and Chim look a little apprehensively as they run into each other at the locker room, but Buck just smiles at him and calls out: “Hey, Eddie, did you know that grenade launcher that guy shot himself with yesterday started in production in 1969 and has been in use since the 70s?”

“Oh really?” Eddie asks, as if he didn’t repeat the exact model so Buck could look it up yesterday.

“Yeah, apparently they were designed as an under barrel device,” Buck starts up a ramble about all the information he found as they make their way to the loft.

Above them Hen and Chim relax slightly when Eddie doesn’t get annoyed at Buck’s rambling and when Buck doesn’t start peacocking again. Though they look confused as well.

It’s not until the two of them dive into a pool to save a kid with a microwave cemented on his head that they truly seem to believe it.

And with that Eddie is also officially part of the 118, accepted by all its members

A/N:

I know these are two shifts in the show and Maddie comes to LA in between, but I’m kind of playing with things for everything to make sense, it wouldn’t be an AU if it was a direct copy of canon xp (season 2 is where I start taking serious liberties)

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angelyuji · 5 months ago

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homelander realizing that you could make a great mom to ryan and kidnaps you, but realizes you were partly why ryan is not like him??? yeeah im thinking thoughts.

tw // physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, implied noncon, homelander being homelander

honestly the ending got pretty sad idk why i think its cuz i feel so bad for ryan becuz he deserves so much better than shitty homelander and i wish his mom didnt die poor baby angel :( anyway....

"what have bullshit are you teaching him." john's face, twisted with wrath, was only a few inches away from you. you try to inch back, but he grabs your face. gripping your jaw with one hand, he forces you to look back at him. "answer the fucking question, (y/n). what poison- what LIES are you teaching my son?" your face hurts and you feel tears well up in your eyes.

"dad, she's not doing-" ryan tries to interject, to stop his father, but john raises a hand at him.

"don't. don't protect her. talk now, (y/n), before i really get angry." his eyes flash red and you feel your heart stop.

you sniffle, "john, i swear i'm not teaching him anything. i don’t know-” before you could finish, john backhands you, sending you to the floor. your vision goes white from the pain and you can’t help the screaming sobs coming out of you. when you look up, you see ryan in tears. you can’t even muster a smile to make him feel better.

“ryan, go to your room.”

“but-”

“NOW.” you hear ryan’s defeated steps go up the stairs. your scalp stings as john grabs a fistful of your hair to pull you up. “my son is the most powerful creation on the planet alongside me. i will not let you turn him into a pathetic, worthless worm like you. understand, (y/n)?”

his face is close to yours. you can feel his fury and you nod, afraid to speak.

"say it. say you understand."

you choke, "i understand... i'm sorry, john." his grip loosens and you collapse to the floor, shaking wth sobs. you hear him huff quietly to himself.

"so fragile and weak, why would you think ryan should be like you and not me, his father?" you look up at him and he stares down at you. you try to speak, but he holds a hand up. "i don't want to hear it." you look down. the room fills with silence, interrupted occasionally with ryan's footsteps from upstairs. "fucking pathetic." you hear him mumble. "go upstairs and collect yourself. i don't want to hear your sniffles when i fuck you tonight." he rolls his eyes and waves you away.

you stumble up the stairs and finally make it to the bedroom, collapsing into the bathroom. you sit in the bathtub, knees against your chest, sobbing.

"y/n?" a small voice comes from in front of the door. you quickly wipe your tears.

you clear your throat, "come in, sweetheart!" you watch as the door is opened, hesitantly. ryan comes in, slowly, and closes the door behind him. he looks at you, eyes filled with guilt. he sits down next to the bathroom. "you're growing up so fast..." you try to smile and brush your hand through his hair.

ryan puts his head down on the edge of the bathtub, "i'm so sorry, (y/n)..." your heart hurts and you cup his face in your hands.

"none of this is your fault, ryan. you did nothing wrong." you watch tears fall faster down his face. you pull him into a hug. the edge of the bathtub was digging into your skin, but you felt ryan relax and you knew you could be in pain for a little while longer.

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touchlikethesun · 2 months ago

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oh my god how did i only put it together now that luo binghe cooks for the people he loves as a response to the trauma of food insecurity he experienced as a child. like from binghe’s perspective, his adoptive mother died of starvation because he wasn’t able to find food for her in time. no doubt this is seared in his mind no doubt conscious or not he’s always making sure there’s enough food for the people he loves. like no freaking wonder he’s so freaking cagey and protective over the meals he makes for shen qingqiu omg 1 + 1 = 2

#why can’t i let cute things just be cute #i need to go tf to sleep #svsss #luo binghe #tw food mention #tw food insecurity mention

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calicoconstellation · 1 year ago

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Hot take: SNAP/EBT (foodstamps) should be usable for buying hot ready made food. Not allowing poor people to get takeout is just punishing disabled people who can't cook just cause we're poor. I shouldn't have to choose between my last spoons and eating.

Second hot take: able-bodied poor people who can cook also deserve takeout. Everyone has days they're too exhausted to cook. No one should be punished for being poor. Easy access to food shouldn't be a fucking privilege.

-Saffron

#i just had the best fucking hot sandwich and I'm so mad about it #chronically ill #fuck capitalism #actually disabled #tw food insecurity

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hidden-snow · 9 months ago

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𝑆𝑘𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐵𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠

Requested by @strongheartneteyam

Rating // +18

Warnings // Body insecurities / Smut teaser at the end/ Jealousy / Body image issues / Might be triggering for some readers

Word count // 1,950

You’d never been ashamed of your body before. You’d never had a reason to hate your body before. Sure, you were shorter than most Na’vi girls your age, and you weren’t as thin as they were. Your body held more flesh and you had a bit of a belly that went along with your thick thighs and curvy frame.

With Neteyam, though, everything about you was perfect.

Courtship was something every Na’vi girl dreamed of when growing up, fantasizing about how her future mate would ask her, as well as their future afterwards.

You were no different.

What you weren’t expecting was for Neteyam to be the one to ask.

You’d had a crush on him since childhood and, due to the close bond you both shared, it was no surprise when he started gifting you small intricately-designed bracelets and elegant necklaces, asking you into a courtship with him.

You’d have to admit, you tended to match a person with a stereotype and, even though you were thrilled out of your mind at the prospect of a happy family with the boy of your dreams, you’d thought he was into a different type of woman. A thinner type.

He was quick to snuff out that stereotype, showering you with praise and adoration, and constant kisses all over your body at night when you were expected to be sleeping instead. He knew your body like the back of his hand, having explored almost every inch of you. His favorite thing to do with you was to kiss your thighs, trailing his lips upwards to your belly, before resting his cheek against your stomach.

You would lay there, fingers gently running through the beaded thin braids of his hair, as his head rose and fell with your relaxed breathing.

Trouble didn’t arise until Neteyam started branching out with friends of the opposite gender. Girls would flirt with him in a desperate attempt to take him from your side. He was usually very quick to shut it down and, should you have happened to hear about it later, he made sure you heard about the situations from his own mouth first.

One day, though, you were headed to see him, a handful of picked flowers in your hands to give him as a gift. You had to do a double take, seeing him sitting on the ground while talking with a girl. A skinny girl with thin limbs and the same amount of fingers as him. A skinny girl with a tall frame and pretty black hair.

A skinny pretty girl.

You couldn’t remember him mentioning a new female friend, but it wasn’t like you were against it. You didn’t mind, as long as he made sure to keep her in the friend space and nothing more. You trusted him.

Shaking off your stupor, you approached and gave him the flowers, and the smile on his face was brilliant and dazzling, bright as the stars at night. Your heart fluttered at the smile and you couldn’t help but return it with a sheepish one.

The next day, he was with that girl again. Talking and laughing, as if the bestest of friends. Standing on the edge of the field, arrows drawn back tight, they looked at their targets for a moment before releasing the strings, watching the arrows sink into the bullseye of the trees they’d been aiming for. They looked at each other, smiling in pure pride and happiness, and you can’t help but falter.

Especially when you heard the whispers.

Whispers of people all around you, talking about how perfect of a couple they’d make together. That was the first time you’d begun to feel insecure. That was the first time you’d begun to compare yourself to someone else in the village.

Sure, you were a halfling, just like Neteyam and the other children. You were born from the union of a Na’vi mother and an avatar father. Like Lo’ak, you had five fingers on each hand, and you had the slightest dusting of eyebrows upon your face.

You weren’t the best at archery, nor were you very good at hunting in general. Sure, you’d passed your iknimaya well enough, but you still weren’t one of the best. Instead, you preferred helping with cooking the meals for your people or crafting jewelry and clothing for your fellow people.

This girl… she had more in common with Neteyam than you ever would.

Clutching the bracelet you’d made for him tight to your chest, that was the first time you’d ever fled from him.

It felt like your chest was on fire, like your heart was physically ripping in shreds. Because in that moment, you realized that the whispers were right; he deserved her. She would be perfect for him. You would have to let him go so that he could truly be happy.

When he came to find you, you were sitting in your hut, hunched over a loom, weaving a new top for your mother to wear. He’d asked you to go flying with him, something you both enjoyed doing with each other.

You’d kept your face down to hide the tears and the trembling of your lips as you shook your head, claiming to be busy at the time. After constant pushing for him to go and fly with his new friend, he left, but you could feel the disappointment that radiated off of him in waves. Each wave smashed against your tender heart like a hammer, cracking it more and more the longer you thought about it.

Thus began a new cycle.

You were pushing him away, trying to get him to realize that he’d found his match and she wasn’t you. Distance was what he needed. Distance and time. And then he’d see her and he’d fall in love and he’d be truly happy.

At least, that’s what you thought.

To Neteyam, you were simply being stubborn and cold. He had no idea why you were doing this or why you were behaving the way you were. The nights of snuggling, the days of talking and just being together, they were all over.

He missed you.

A lot.

In an attempt to figure out a solution to your sudden coldness, he turned to the wiser adults. First, he’d spoken to Mo’at. Then his parents. And finally, he’d sat down with your parents to find out what the root of this problem was.

No one had any idea what could possibly have caused this chaos between you and him. They were as stumped as he was.

One thing that did stick to him, though, was something his father had told him.

“Neteyam, girls are fragile, but they’re also strong willed and smart. They trust men with their lives, until they don’t. So if you’ve started doing things you know Y/n wouldn’t like, you need to figure out what it is and stop it.”

Was he doing something wrong?

He didn’t know. If he tried to ask, you’d brush him off and walk away, acting like everything was just fine, even if it wasn’t.

So, he turned to his new friend. Sitting down under the shade of a tree, he spilled out his heart to her, confessing his love towards you, as well as his confusion over your sudden coldness. She listened patiently, nodding as if she knew exactly what was wrong.

When he’d gotten to the end of his rant, she smiled.

“What is it? Do you know why she is acting this way?” he’d asked softly and she nodded again.

“I believe that she might be jealous of our friendship. Some rumors have started of late. Adults talking about how you and I would go well together. Even though we are only friends, I’m sure she has heard them and believes them.”

He was falling into a whole new level of confusion. It wasn’t like you to listen to gossip and rumors. You’d always thought that sort of thing was petty and cruel. So why would you listen to it now?

That was when he decided he’d had enough of it all. No more cat and mouse games. No more playing around. He was going to get down to the bottom of this with you one way or another.

He approached you in your little crook of the world, determination making it hard for you to push him away.

“Y/n, I’m not leaving until you answer me,” he stated, hands firmly planted on your shoulders as you stared up at him with wide eyes.

“Why are you behaving like this? Did none of this even matter to you? Everything we have built together, all of it. Does it no longer matter to you anymore?”

You were frozen, finally forced to face the conflict of your actions, and you didn’t know how to respond other than to break into tears in his arms.

“She would be so much better for you,” you sob softly as he cradled your body close to him. “She is skinny and tall and beautiful. She is good at all the things you’re good at and she has so much in common with you. She would make you so much happier than I ever could.”

You spill out every thought, every feeling that had been stowed away for weeks in your head.

He listened patiently, letting you ramble until you had no words left to speak.

And then, he pulled you over to your mat, pushing you flat on your back, hands planted on each side of your head.

“I love you. You make my life interesting, Y/n. No one could ever come close to replacing you. I love you and your beautiful body. Your funny jokes and your frustration. I love that cute little groan you make when you miss your target. I love helping you aim your arrows because I can feel your skin against mine and it fills me with warmth. I love cuddling with you at night and kissing every inch of your body. I love talking to you and listening to your exciting stories. Your mischievous adventures always thrill me the most. I’d rather listen to you talking about what you’ve done all day than talk to anyone else.”

He moved down to dust his lips lightly against your own, cupping your jaw gently with his hand.

“I think it’s time to remind you of how much I love you.”

His voice was soft, as quiet as a whisper, and it sent shivers up your spine. You were crying, but it was from relief. He wasn’t going to leave you because he loved you.

It was something he wasn’t going to ever give up on.

His fingers brushed down your body, light as a feather, touching every inch of your skin. And once he’d touched every part of you, he began to trail kisses down your skin, pulling your thighs up over his shoulders so that he could kiss the flesh of your legs. His teeth lightly graze the inner parts of your thighs and you just relish in his gentle kisses and light touches.

He returns his lips back to yours, drawing you into a deeper, more heated kiss. Fingers gently pull your tewng off, discarding it nearby, before he wiggled out of his own. His hands gently press against yours, fingers slotted between your own to grip your hands tightly as he rubbed his girth in between your thighs.

“I love every inch of you,” he whispered as he parted from your kiss. “Every inch of you belongs to me, just like every inch of me belongs to you. I will never throw you away for anyone else.”

#avatar fandom #avatar twow #avatar the way of water #avatar fics #avatar #neteyam te suli tsyeyk'itan #neteyam sully #neteyam #neteyam atwow #neteyam avatar #body insecurity tw #body insecurities #neteyam x omaticaya!reader #neteyam x you #neteyam x y/n #neteyam x reader

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