#tw: insecurity

[schrijverr]

I Didn’t Mean to Say I Do, but I Do. I Do. 43

Chapter 43 out of 50

Secret marriage of convenience buddie slow burn AU, where Buck and Eddie have been married for years so Buck could adopt Chris and no one at the 118 knows.

In this chapter, Eddie begins to work through his internalized homophobia with Bosko, unsure what if he can go home. He doesn’t know how. Buck is trying to keep Chris’s spirits up as they wait for him to find peace with himself and find his way back. To just talk to Buck again.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie

Warnings: internalized homophobia, insecurity

~~~

Chapter 43: The First Step Is Admitting It

Bosko sits with Eddie as he cries for the life he wants and partially has, but that was never his to keep. It feels like he’s crying for hours. His head hurts and his eyes are aching and puffy. It’s very not charming and he’s glad he doesn’t have to go into work tomorrow, because he’s not sure how to explain the traces of tears that are bound to still be visible then.

She softly tells him that it’s okay, that he is allowed to love Buck, that he’s not failing him or anything else he’s internalized.

“I know it doesn’t feel like it, because I didn’t think so either, but you’re going to be okay. You’re good too. You’re allowed to feel all the things people told you you’re not supposed to. You’re allowed to exist, Eddie. You’re allowed to be you,” she says intently as she shakes him lightly to make her sure her words sink in.

It’s the first time anyone has ever told him that so bluntly, he thinks. Buck made him feel like that, Chris too, but no one else ever did. Papi doesn’t like who he is, mom certainly doesn’t and he’s pretty sure Shannon stopped liking him the moment she got to know him better, but by then it was already too late.

Eddie has felt shame for as long as he can remember. It clings to him like a second skin and trying to believe what Bosko is saying, feels like skinning himself.

He’s a mess.

At some point, he stops crying, just retreats into himself. Bosko leads him to the couch and he curls into himself, while she makes them some tea. Mayo still hates his fucking guts (and he can’t blame her), but Butter nudges his arm until he lets him sit on his lap, cuddling into him as he mindlessly buries his hands in his fur.

Bosko comes back with two mugs, handing one to Eddie, before plopping down next to him on the couch. He takes it with a mumbled thanks, feeling a bit embarrassed about his breakdown. She must notice, because she says: “If it makes you feel any better, I cried all over Ronnie and he’s my Captain.”

Eddie shudders at the thought of ever letting Bobby see more than a glimpse of this side of him. He could have gone to the others maybe, but Chimney truly can’t keep a secret to save his life and Hen… Well, she’s nice and he trusts her. Maybe he could have gone to Hen, but she would have tried to help and he couldn’t have accepted that. Plus, she is just as nosy as Chimney is. They all are, honestly.

He loves them, but this would not have stayed personal. The only person he would have trusted is Buck and he can’t exactly go to Buck about this, now can he?

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says, suddenly overcome by gratitude. “I know I’ve been a dick, so thanks for still being here.”

“Yeah, you are a bit of a dick, but I like you anyway,” Bosko says with a smile. “And Butter likes you, so you’ve been vouched for.”

“Mayo hates me, though,” Eddie points out, though he feels slightly better about it anyway.

“Mayo hates everybody,” Bosko laughs and Eddie manages to laugh too.

They drink their tea in silence, both letting the comfortable moment wash over them. After a while, Bosko breaks the silence by asking: “So, I know bits and pieces, but how did you come to marry Buck when you’ve only just realized you love him and kind of spiraled about it? Wouldn’t you have spiraled before?”

“I mean, I guess I should have, but it was never like that,” Eddie sighs. “I always swatted the thought away, because it wasn’t like that, I wasn’t like that. People who commented didn’t have the whole story anyway and I’m not homophobic, why should I care what people think even if they’re wrong, you know?”

Bosko snorts, then says: “Sorry, too soon?”

Somehow, it’s kind of comforting, so he grins: “Nah, not too soon.”

“Good, because that is hilarious, Diaz,” Bosko laughs.

“Yeah, yeah, laugh at my pain,” Eddie faux-complains.

“I’m allowed, I put up with your shit,” she informs him happily. “Anyway, you never answered the first part. How did you two end up married? With a kid, no less.”

And Eddie just tells her. He’s been struggling with thinking about how the two of them came together, didn’t even want to hear about it, but now it comes pouring out. He’s let himself look his past in the eyes, openly and honestly, has let himself think about Buck and has acknowledged that he loves him. He said it out loud and there has only been kindness in return, even if it’s mixed in with Bosko laughing at him.

So, he tells her about a young teen desperate to prove something, though he never knew why. How that got a girl pregnant and how that girl always knew he didn’t love her and how he ran instead of trying to love her, because on some level he knew that too. How they divorced and how she moved on and how he was secretly glad, but also didn’t want to face it, until he was forced to face it, because she ran just like he did.

He tells her how he came face to face with Buck and for the first time, how it felt like someone believed in him, like he knew what he was doing. How Buck is his first friend, his first actual friend. One, who stayed by his side and didn’t run when it would have been easier. How he only got closer and closer, until Eddie didn’t know how to live without him.

As he talks, Bosko listens closely, nodding along and making noises to show she’s still listening.

The mood drops as he finishes off: “So, yeah, uhm, that’s how we got here. And now I fucked it up and he probably hates me and I’d be lucky if he even wants to be my coworker anymore. I’m gonna have to leave the 118 when he is good to work again. Think the 136 wants me back?”

“Don’t be an idiot,” Bosko says, swatting at him lightly.

“What?” Eddie exclaims. “I’m not being an idiot. Didn’t you hear what I just told you? I’ve been creepily in love with him and forcing him to stay married to me for years and now I’ve abandoned him for weeks. Of course he hates me now.”

“He didn’t want to divorce you, dumbass. The two of you literally fought because he didn’t want to divorce you and he’s picked you over and over again. Didn’t you just say he always stayed by your side and didn’t run even if it would have been easier?” she reminds him. “You’ve been going through something, figuring yourself out is fucking hard. If you tell him, he’ll get it. You two can work through this.”

“Then I have to tell him, I can never do that,” Eddie immediately says.

“Because then he’ll know you were ‘creepily in love with him and forcing him to stay married to you’?” she checks, looking mightily unimpressed.

“Yeah! Exactly.”

“Eddie, it is homophobic to say that.”

“No, it’s not,” Eddie frowns. “It’s true that it’s creepy to be close to someone when you have a crush on them and think things about them while they don’t know.”

Bosko pinches her nose and curses under her breath, before straightening herself back out and looking at Eddie again. “Okay, let me phrase it like this; was it creepy for Chimney to befriend Maddie, even though he liked her?”

“I mean, I guess not, but that’s different, he didn’t marry her.”

“Forget about the being married for a second,” Bosko groans. “You and Buck are friends, right?” He nods. “You got married as friends and you’ve only ever acted as friends, correct?” He nods again. “And you’ve never made an advance on Buck that was unwelcome, just thought about how great he was and how you wanted to kiss him and shit.”

“Don’t say it like that.” Eddie blushes heavily. “And of course not! I don’t want to do anything he doesn’t want me to.”

“Then pray tell, how it is creepy that you are friends with a guy, who wants to be your friend, by the way, and how that is any different from Chimney and Maddie?” Bosko asks.

Eddie thinks about it for a moment, then realization dawns on him: “Oh my god, it was homophobic.”

“Thank you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Thanks,” Bosko repeats, this time less ‘I told you so’ about it. “Homophobia is a bitch, internalized homophobia especially. It’s gonna take a while until you can stop that.”

“Internalized homophobia?” Eddie says confused. She used the term before, but he’d been focused on other things then. Now, it registers and he has no clue what she means by it.

“Oh shit, you truly are a baby-baby gay,” Bosko says, slightly horrified. Eddie also doesn’t know what that means, so she spends some time explaining both terms to him, as well as expanding on internalized homophobia with some examples about her own life.

Eddie feels uncomfortably seen by her and it begins to settle in what it means for him, now that he has accepted he loves Buck. Now that he’s no longer running. The things he has to get used to and work through.

“I don’t think I’m ready to go home yet,” he confesses softly. “I- I can’t- I need to process all this, before I can face him.”

“Okay,” Bosko nods simply.

“Okay?” Eddie repeats, unsure if he heard right. He expected her to push back, push him to face Buck like she’s done for most of the evening.

“Yeah, okay,” she confirms. “Processing all this can be a lot and with your complicated mess of feelings and life, I’m not going to force you to live a domestic life with your crush when doing that pushed you to start punching people. You can stay on my couch until you’re ready.”

“Thank you so much,” Eddie says gratefully, so relieved she is going to let him stay.

She hold up her finger, then says: “But, only if you call him. You got to at least tell him that you’re okay and working through stuff. You don’t have to specify what, but talk to him.”

“Yeah, yeah, of course.” A phone call still feels impossible, but Buck deserves more from Eddie. He deserves to have Eddie try. For them. For their family.

He can break his own heart to let Buck go, but he can’t let himself break Chris’s. Chris deserves to have his daddy and his papi in his life. He isn’t going to fuck that up. He can be a good father. He can be… gay and a good father.

Bosko looks at the clock and says: “Though maybe not tonight. It’s already 2:00 AM. Are you not exhausted? How long have you been awake?”

“Uh, around lunch,” Eddie replies, starting to feel the exhaustion now that she mentions it.

“Bedtime it is then. Get your ass off this couch so I can put some bedding on it. Do you want to borrow a shirt to sleep in? No offense, but you kind of reek.”

“That would be nice,” Eddie says sheepishly. He came her straight after that fight and never changed or showered. It is pretty disgusting.

Bosko ends up herding him into her bathroom, lending him some of her boxers and a shirt, before telling him to not use her conditioner, because it’s expensive. Eddie has never used conditioner in his life, so that’s easy enough.

While he showers, she makes up the couch into a makeshift bed. It’s not as comfortable as his own couch, but it will have to do. So he thanks her before they bid each other goodnight.

He tosses and turns the whole night, trying to figure out what to say tomorrow, until he finally falls into a fitful sleep.

The next morning, his own nerves wake him. Again, Bosko is still asleep and he is glad for that as he sneaks onto the balcony. Butter follows him, settling on his lap when he takes a seat. His purrs soothe Eddie as he gets out his phone with shaky hands, before pressing call.

“Eddie? Oh my god, are you okay? Where are you?” Buck greets him as he picks up, sounding relieved, but also like he doesn’t fully believe it’s real.

Guilt floods Eddie’s system at the words. He should have never doubted Buck’s ability to be worried about him. “I’m okay. I’m at Bosko’s place,” he answers quietly, subdued.

“Bosko’s place?” Buck repeats, a weird tinge to his voice.

“Uh, yeah, I worked with her at the 136? You met her at the shield ceremony,” Eddie reminds him.

“I know who she is,” Buck snaps, the anger he is right to feel coming through now. “I’m just trying to figure out what’s so important about going there that you couldn’t come home or even pick up your fucking phone.”

Eddie winces, he deserves that. “I’ve been running, kind of.”

“Running? From what? Should I be worried here?” Buck asks, still pissed off, but now more in the worried territory again and slightly more calm.

“Uhm, I- I don’t think so? I just-” Eddie makes a frustrated noise. This is not how he wanted this conversation to go. “I’ve been working through some things. Well, I need to work through some things, because I had been working through them, but not in a great way and-”

“Eddie, slow down,” Buck cuts him off. He’s been so relieved Eddie called, then worried, then pissed off and now he’s worried once more. Eddie isn’t the rambler, Buck is. Right now, Buck needs to know what’s happening, needs to know what the problem is, so he can fix it. So, he needs Eddie to be calm and focus. “Tell me slowly; what’s been going on,” he instructs. Over the line, he can hear Eddie take a deep breath.

Butter is purring loudly with how nice Eddie’s stressed petting is. It’s nice, makes him feel like he’s not as much of a monster as he thinks. That helps him swallows his nerves, before he confesses: “I’ve been street fighting.”

“What,” Buck chokes. Out of everything, this was pretty low on his list of possibilities, so low, it wasn’t even on there to begin with.

“It was just a friendly thing at first to cope with the stress, but, uhm, then it got out of hand and it- it got bad, Buck. I was scared to go home,” his voice is small and he’s ashamed of it, but here, alone on this balcony with only Buck to hear, he lets himself feel scared and small. He’s safe. Buck might be mad at him, but he knew the second he heard his voice that he was safe.

Indeed, Buck doesn’t disappoint, asking: “And are you okay where you are now?”

“Yeah, Bosko caught me at one of my fights, I- I realized I fucked up. She offered up her couch while I sort myself out. I’m quitting, so I, uh- I’m kind of staying here now. While I do that.”

“You’re not coming home?” Buck asks and Eddie wants to crawl into the feeling he gets when Buck says the word ‘home’ and stay there forever, but also crawl out of his own skin at the disappointment in Buck’s voice.

“Not yet, no. I’m sorry. I- I know I should have been home, I know I haven’t been, but I- I don’t know how to be home right now.” To his horror tears start to form in his eyes. His first instinct is to push them down, but then he remembers where that got him, so he lets them flow. Silently, they drip down his face.

“Do you- do you know when you’re going to be ready to be home again?” There is something fragile in Buck’s voice too.

“Uhm, no,” Eddie says, because he doesn’t. It feels like the wrong answer, it feels like he should be going home right now and embracing Buck and begging on his knees to be forgiven, to be loved, but that is exactly what he can’t do. He’s ruined enough, he can’t ruin it more by dumping this all on Buck before he figures himself out. Before he’s safe.

“Chris misses you,” Buck tells him and it doesn’t feel like a change of topic, but like an attempt to persuade him.

“Yeah, I- I heard your voicemail,” Eddie replies, voice thick. He feels horrible about not seeing Chris, about abandoning him too.

“Oh…” Buck is quiet for a moment. “Can you not see Chris or can you just not come home?” The underlying ‘can you just not see me’ hangs unspoken in the air between them. “Maybe you can pick him up for school tomorrow? Before your shift.”

Eddie is still scared about doing something to hurt either of them, but it also feels like he released some of the pressure by talking about it. Butter isn’t scared of him. He hasn’t hurt this fragile creature. He’s been gentle. Besides, he’s no longer angry, he’s just exhausted. Exhausted and confused and not ready. He’s just not ready.

However, just being not ready isn’t a good enough excuse. He’s never been ready to care for Chris and he has already failed so many times, but by god has he always tried and like hell is he going to stop trying now. So with a hoarse voice, he says: “Yeah, yeah, I can do that.”

“Good, good. He’ll be thrilled to hear that,” Buck says and Eddie can picture the wobbly smile that’s on his face. He wishes he could make it better, but he doesn’t know how. Buck is the one who is good at fixing things, Eddie only breaks them. “Want me to wake him so you can talk to him?”

“No. Uhm, no, it’s okay. He needs his rest and I- I’ll see him tomorrow,” Eddie says. He feels like a mess, he doesn’t want Chris to see this part of him. He needs time to pull himself back together.

“Oh, yeah, of course,” Buck agrees, while clearly disagreeing. “What do you want me to tell him? He needs some sort of explanation, he knows you’re not working.”

They talk a little more about the logistics of it all. It’s stilted and uncomfortable, a lot is unspoken between them. Eddie feels a longing to say more, but he can’t bring himself to do so and Buck probably knows that there is more. It’s like there is glass between them. Eddie hates feeling so distant from Buck, but he doesn’t know how to bridge it.

When he hangs up, he feels vaguely hollow. He knows he did the right thing by calling and that it worked out in the end, but a small selfish part of him wished Buck had been more angry, instead of this quiet, sad understanding that Eddie doesn’t fully grasp. It feels uncomfortable to not understand him, he’s always understood Buck. It’s one of the many things he has broken.

He has no clue how he’s going to come back, if he can even come back to this family he had, the one with Chris and Buck. But that is something for him to figure out. It feels like a new start and he doesn’t know of what yet. It’s scary, but also a little exciting.

The following two weeks continue on in this weird limbo.

Buck explains to Chris that Eddie is helping out his friend, like Buck had to help out tía Maddie, so he can’t be home as much as they want him to. Chris is clearly not very pleased with it, but he lights up when Buck tells him Eddie will be bringing him to school.

He doesn’t see Eddie when that happens, since he’s in the kitchen, while Chris goes to meet Eddie at the door. It absolutely sucks to know Eddie is so close, but not being able to see him or talk to him. Not being able to assess what’s wrong.

Eddie needs space for figure himself out. Space away from Buck. It’s tearing him up inside, but he puts on a brave face and manages. Eddie is clearly going through something, he heard that much in his voice, and it’s something Buck can’t help him with. It’s going to be something he has to get used to when this all ends, might as well start now, even if his heart tears itself apart over it.

Hen texts him asking if it all worked out and he texts her that it’s all okay, Eddie just had a flat tire and they’re good now. Neither of them feel like letting the team in on this. Buck might not have all the details, but it feels private, sensitive. He understands not wanting the 118 nosing about while having to work with them each day. Buck is even a little glad he’s not back at work yet now that this is looming over him.

So, yeah, Buck manages. He hands the phone over to Chris at night so daddy can be there for bedtime and stays in the kitchen when Eddie drops Chris off or comes to pick him up.

Meanwhile, Eddie is trying to figure himself out. To create a place for himself where he is at peace with who he is and where he stands in the world. Not fighting people is hard, but he and Bosko spar one time and it doesn’t feel out of control. It feels just nice. Like a work out would. Not like anything special.

Eddie goes to a gay club, kisses a guy and it feels great and like he wants to throw up. It’s right, but it’s wrong. He wants to do it again, feel something close to what he felt. But the guy is okay looking, yet not attractive to him. Not really. Not like Buck is…

He learns a bunch of new terms, like demisexual, which makes him feel at home. And he meets a bunch of queer people from all walks of life. Listens to stories that resonate deeply, allowing him to lose a bit of that anger and the shame. Allows him to let go of the idea that these feelings are something he has to control, something he has to beat into submission.

Beyond that, he briefly gets to meet Heather and Kelsy when they drop of Tubs and he and Bosko spend all night analyzing what their interactions were like and if they have faith in the relationship while Eddie falls in love with Tubs.

He finds peace with himself, releases the pressure that had been building inside him in different, healthier ways, until the urge to punch someone has dissipated. Until he feels safe again. Both for himself and for others.

However, finding peace with himself, doesn’t mean an answer to the Buck conundrum appears before him.

The time spend away from him only confirms what Eddie already knows; he is deeply in love with Buck and it’s not a fleeting thing. It’s not going to go away, not anytime soon at least. It lingers in every quiet moment and fills the space between his organs until it is everywhere and he doesn’t know how to be himself without it.

Bosko tells him he should just rip the band aid off and tell Buck, face the rejection or embrace the possibility that Buck might love him back. But Eddie isn’t so sure.

Having the rejection might help him move on, but it’s also too painful to even think about. If he never tells, Buck never has to know and maybe he can fix this and go back to how they used to be, learn to live with the torch he carries for Buck silently. Keep him close and never let him go.

It’s an utterly selfish thing to do and he knows it, but he wants to. He wants to keep Buck. Wants to keep his friend. His person. If he just gives himself more time, maybe he can work out a way to be forgiven. To make it right.

The idea that Buck might love him back is too ludicrous to Eddie to even consider.

As the second weekend comes closer, it becomes clear that Eddie isn’t coming home soon. Chris returns with a good grade for his project and Eddie congratulated him in the car much like Buck did when Chris got home. However, Chris doesn’t seem happy with it.

While the two of them eat dinner, Buck asks: “What’s wrong, Superman? An A might not be an A+ like you hoped, but it’s still incredible. You did really well. What got you so down?”

Chris shrugs and pushes the food on his plate around. “I thought that if I did well, daddy would come home to celebrate, but he’s working this weekend and staying with his friend.”

Buck’s heart breaks for Chris, but there isn’t much he can do. Eddie is working through something and that’s important too. Not to mention that he’s actually working, not running like before. He can’t change that for Chris, even if he wants to.

“That does suck, buddy, but we can still celebrate,” he says, trying to inject enough cheer to convince Chris. “What do you think about the two of us going to check out the pier this weekend? We can try to win some cool prizes, maybe win a big one to make daddy jealous for missing it.”

It’s not perfect, but Chris lights up at the idea. “Can we, papi?”

“Of course,” Buck smiles back. He might not be able to fix what is going on with Eddie, but he can fix this. Going to the pier together sounds like a great idea. A bit of fun, it’s just what they all need to get their minds off everything.

~~

A/N:

wave emoji, wave emoji xp

Y’all I have discovered the glee of subjecting everyone to this, people calling me evil in the comments is fueling me >:3

[nevermore-grimes]

𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐚 𝐈𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐝𝐮𝐜𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧: 𝐕𝐞𝐧𝐢𝐜𝐞 🪞

Dividers by @/animatedglittergraphics-n-more

Role(s): Primpara Age: 33 Gender: Transgender Female Pronouns: She/her Species: Human Birthplace: Knowhere Sexuality: Pansexual Spotify Playlist(s): Mirror Mirror Associated Tag(s): Chronicled

More Info

TW: Mentions of plastic surgery and suicide

Venice was born and raised on Knowhere, and her mother idolized Nevermore’s work as “Justice Incarnate”, leaving Venice to feel ignored and largely unloved.

Wanting to gain her mother’s approval, Venice vowed to live her life as closely to Nevermore’s as possible.

So, Venice began to alter her life to try to fit Nevermore’s mold. She watched clips of Nevermore that made the news to study her fighting style, completely changed her closet to dress like Nevermore, and even got plastic surgery to look more like Nevermore before going under an alias that was similar to Nevermore’s name.

This actually worked, filling Venice with a sense of pride and self worth.

Once her mother died, Venice felt like she’d wasted her whole life fighting a losing battle, only to have nothing left for herself (or of herself).

So, Venice vowed to find Nevermore and make her pay for the hell she indirectly put her through.

But, her first confrontation with Nevermore ended in her being so overwhelmed by defeat that she committed suicide.

Venice was later revived in The War Saga, but she was revived with her own face, no plastic surgery included.

This, however, didn’t magically solve Venice’s issues, and Nevermore made it her mission to help Venice find her sense of self again. So, the two grew to become allies, and even friends.

Meanwhile, her job at S.H.I.E.L.D. introduced her to Giffany, who she eventually grew feelings for, and after Giffany’s succubus reveal, the two ended up dating.

[pollenallergie]

I’m so glad I’m out of that stage in my life where I was so insecure that even just seeing a girl who was blonde and petite made me insanely jealous of her. Like as a teen, I would’ve irrationally hated Chrissy Cunningham (and by extension, GVD because that’s how irrationally insecure I was) from the moment I saw her just because she is everything I wanted to be back then. However, since I was introduced to the legend that is Chrissy (and the lovely GVD) as an adult who’s learned to be much more comfortable in her own skin, I’m able to truly appreciate her beauty and know that her being beautiful doesn’t make me, someone who is just about the complete opposite of her, any less beautiful. Also, specifically in the case of Chrissy, I’m able to get a lil crushy-wushy on her and daydream about like holding her hand and doing adorable couple-y shit with her… the way the bi gods intended. 💕✨

[jammyjams1910]

When is it my turn to not have dark body hair that grows back right after I shave, then I won't be scared to wear anything that doesn't cover my entire body

When is it my turn to not have this stupid underbite in my teeth, then I won't feel ashamed to show them at all

When is it my turn to not have this condition that makes my enamel thin, then people can stop calling my teeth gross

When is it my turn to not have feminine curves, I absolutely hate having curves, this may not make sense to some but being genderfluid & often not feeling feminine, and going to a school where a lot of boys are also dealing with hormones, and I already hate being the centre of attention, having feminine curves at my age is absolute fucking hell for me (hopefully this makes sense cos I already feel uncomfy typing this out)

When is it my turn to not be covered in acne and insect bites, I started getting this when I was only 10 and I got bullied everyday for it

Everyone in year 5 was still pretty and youthful while I was the only one who looked like an ugly monster, being an early bloomer is the fuckin worst

All the girls in my year always wear shorts and t-shirts in PE cos they don't need to worry about their body hair since their's light coloured and barely show at all, meanwhile over here, last night I shave myself, next day its back again cos it's that easy to see

When will I ever not have these insecurities and actually feel comfortable in my own body

[ryartchus]

♥️.

[muimira]

[touchlikethesun]

oh my god how did i only put it together now that luo binghe cooks for the people he loves as a response to the trauma of food insecurity he experienced as a child. like from binghe’s perspective, his adoptive mother died of starvation because he wasn’t able to find food for her in time. no doubt this is seared in his mind no doubt conscious or not he’s always making sure there’s enough food for the people he loves. like no freaking wonder he’s so freaking cagey and protective over the meals he makes for shen qingqiu omg 1 + 1 = 2

[dandelionsresilience]

Dandelion News - September 15-21

Like these weekly compilations? Tip me at $kaybarr1735 or check out my new(ly repurposed) Patreon!

1. A beam of hope for North America’s most endangered sparrow

“Dozens of conservationists, gathered some distance away to avoid spooking the skittish sparrows, celebrated the [release of the 1000th captive-raised sparrow] in an unprecedented recovery program that in only a few years has doubled the bird’s wild population, from a mere 80 five years ago to some 200 today. […] “What we have achieved is the best case scenario.””

2. U.S. overdose deaths plummet, saving thousands of lives

“"In the states that have the most rapid data collection systems, we’re seeing declines of twenty percent, thirty percent," said Dr. Nabarun Dasgupta, an expert on street drugs at the University of North Carolina. […] According to Donaldson, many people using fentanyl now carry naloxone, a medication that reverses most opioid overdoses. He said his friends also use street drugs with others nearby, ready to offer aid and support when overdoses occur.”

3. Propagated corals reveal increased resistance to bleaching across the Caribbean during the fatal heat wave of 2023

“”[… Y]oung corals bred for restoration are a lot more resistant to bleaching under extreme levels of heat stress than the prevailing corals on the reef." [… Unlike with the previous propagation strategy, fragmentation, e]very time a population reproduces, new offspring receive newly mixed sets of genes through recombination, making them different from their parent colonies and thus enabling adaptation.”

4. Habitat Management Helps At-Risk Butterflies

“For a number of at-risk butterflies in the United States, habitat management can play an important role in keeping them from going extinct. [… “In] places where people are actively engaged with ways to manage the habitat, the butterflies are doing the best,” said Cheryl Schultz, a professor of conservation biology at Washington State University[….]”

5. Study: Protecting the ocean helps fight malnutrition

“[The study] found that fish catches in coral reefs could increase by up to 20 percent by expanding sustainable-use marine protected areas — that is, areas where some fishing is allowed with restrictions[, … and] that sustainable-use marine protected areas have on average 15 percent more fish biomass than non-protected areas. […] “Allowing regulated fishing in marine protected areas can support healthy fish populations, while also having a positive impact on the quality of life of surrounding communities.””

6. [FWS] Advances Effort to Create Urban Conservation Footprint in Tucson

““We want to continue to work together to create an urban footprint to improve access to nature, conserve habitats, and improve air and water quality.” […] The area provides habitat for several federally listed species, including southwestern willow flycatcher, western yellow-billed cuckoo, and Mexican garter snake. If protected, the area will also help connect critical habitat for jaguar and Chiracahua leopard frog.”

7. ‘Exciting’ solar breakthrough means energy can be kept in sustainable batteries that don’t overheat

“The technology is based on a specially designed molecule of carbon, hydrogen and nitrogen that changes shape when it comes into contact with sunlight. These are common elements - providing an alternative to other technologies relying on scarce materials like lithium. […] A unique feature of the system is that the molecules also provide cooling in the photovoltaic cell[, which can store solar energy “for up to 18 years.”]”

8. Sea turtles make big comeback on sandy beaches at 2 British military bases in Cyprus

“[… The] number of nests surpass[ed] last year’s record count by nearly 25%, environmentalists said Tuesday. […] “The steep increase in turtle nests has been the result of a consistent, systematic ‘hands-off’ approach, together with enforcement efforts to minimize illegal, damaging activities on nesting beaches[….” D]aily patrols by volunteers ensure that aluminum cages set atop the nests remain in place to protect the turtles from predators like foxes and dogs.”

9. First ever photograph of rare bird species New Britain Goshawk

“The last documented scientific record of the bird is from 1969[….] Working closely with [“the Indigenous Mengen and Mamusi peoples”], WWF hopes to support local stewardship to safeguard the future of these incredible biodiversity hotspots through community-led conservation.”

10. Hospitals begin offering breakthrough radiation therapy for metastatic cancer tumors

“[First,] a patient is injected with a radioactive glucose (or sugar) tracer. The machine picks up the tracer in real time and in bright colors, [… then] reads a signal from the cancer cells breaking down the tracer. [… “The] machine is automatically and autonomously reacting and responding to those signals by shooting radiation back to their source[….]””

September 8-14 news here | (all credit for images and written material can be found at the source linked; I don’t claim credit for anything but curating.)

[kyuhu]

love is in the air or maybe not idk

[angelyuji]

homelander realizing that you could make a great mom to ryan and kidnaps you, but realizes you were partly why ryan is not like him??? yeeah im thinking thoughts.

tw // physical abuse, mental/emotional abuse, implied noncon, homelander being homelander

honestly the ending got pretty sad idk why i think its cuz i feel so bad for ryan becuz he deserves so much better than shitty homelander and i wish his mom didnt die poor baby angel :( anyway....

"what have bullshit are you teaching him." john's face, twisted with wrath, was only a few inches away from you. you try to inch back, but he grabs your face. gripping your jaw with one hand, he forces you to look back at him. "answer the fucking question, (y/n). what poison- what LIES are you teaching my son?" your face hurts and you feel tears well up in your eyes.

"dad, she's not doing-" ryan tries to interject, to stop his father, but john raises a hand at him.

"don't. don't protect her. talk now, (y/n), before i really get angry." his eyes flash red and you feel your heart stop.

you sniffle, "john, i swear i'm not teaching him anything. i don’t know-” before you could finish, john backhands you, sending you to the floor. your vision goes white from the pain and you can’t help the screaming sobs coming out of you. when you look up, you see ryan in tears. you can’t even muster a smile to make him feel better.

“ryan, go to your room.”

“but-”

“NOW.” you hear ryan’s defeated steps go up the stairs. your scalp stings as john grabs a fistful of your hair to pull you up. “my son is the most powerful creation on the planet alongside me. i will not let you turn him into a pathetic, worthless worm like you. understand, (y/n)?”

his face is close to yours. you can feel his fury and you nod, afraid to speak.

"say it. say you understand."

you choke, "i understand... i'm sorry, john." his grip loosens and you collapse to the floor, shaking wth sobs. you hear him huff quietly to himself.

"so fragile and weak, why would you think ryan should be like you and not me, his father?" you look up at him and he stares down at you. you try to speak, but he holds a hand up. "i don't want to hear it." you look down. the room fills with silence, interrupted occasionally with ryan's footsteps from upstairs. "fucking pathetic." you hear him mumble. "go upstairs and collect yourself. i don't want to hear your sniffles when i fuck you tonight." he rolls his eyes and waves you away.

you stumble up the stairs and finally make it to the bedroom, collapsing into the bathroom. you sit in the bathtub, knees against your chest, sobbing.

"y/n?" a small voice comes from in front of the door. you quickly wipe your tears.

you clear your throat, "come in, sweetheart!" you watch as the door is opened, hesitantly. ryan comes in, slowly, and closes the door behind him. he looks at you, eyes filled with guilt. he sits down next to the bathroom. "you're growing up so fast..." you try to smile and brush your hand through his hair.

ryan puts his head down on the edge of the bathtub, "i'm so sorry, (y/n)..." your heart hurts and you cup his face in your hands.

"none of this is your fault, ryan. you did nothing wrong." you watch tears fall faster down his face. you pull him into a hug. the edge of the bathtub was digging into your skin, but you felt ryan relax and you knew you could be in pain for a little while longer.

[schrijverr]

Hi, Eddie. Hope I’m Not Bothering You?

Divergence from chapter 9, where Buck decides to go through with calling Eddie after making it out of the plane crash. His side of the conversation is overheard by Hen, who has some questions for him when they make it back to the station.

On AO3.

Ships: Buddie, Henren

Warnings: referenced minor character death, referenced near death experience, insecurity

~~~

Hen is still shaken herself. Mass casualty events always make her anxious and slightly despairing, always make her want to hear her wife’s voice. Hear her son.

It’s already late, so the latter doesn’t happen, but Karen picks up the phone and talks with her for a bit as they drive back to the station. Hen leans against the window, letting the words wash over her. She’ll listen better some other time, Karen knows this is more about the comfort of hearing her be okay.

When she finally feels human again, she thanks Karen in a soft murmur, promising to drive home safely, before she hangs up.

After that, she finally tears her eyes away from the streets zooming by outside. Most in the rig are sleeping, having called spouses or partners. The only outlier is Buck, who is staring at the lit up contact screen of someone. Hen can’t make it out.

On his forehead is a little crease and he keeps biting his lip. She is about to ask if he’s okay, when he suddenly takes a deep breath, before he clicks the screen, bringing the device up to his ear. Curiously, Hen keeps quiet, listening.

It barely takes a second, before whoever Buck just called to pick up. From where she is, she can’t hear what is being said, but she can hear Buck shyly say: “Hi, Eddie. Hope I’m not bothering you?”

Hen watches as Buck’s eyes turn surprised, then bashful. Whoever this Eddie is, it’s clear Buck is fond of him. Very fond. And Eddie is probably also fond of him, because he must have expressed concern for Buck to reply with: “I’m okay, just took a small dip in the ocean, but it’s alright. Ice baths are good for you, right?”

That last part makes him want to strangle him, because ice baths are not a proven thing and what he just did very much wasn’t an ice bath. It was a near death that almost gave her a heart attack.

Fortunately, Eddie must agree, because Buck goes: “I am, I am. No hypothermia, I promise. Hen gave me a blanket and I’m going to make sure I’ve stopped shivering before driving home.”

It’s a little strange to hear her name said to someone she doesn’t know. It becomes obvious that Eddie is someone close to Buck, maybe even a boyfriend. He did stop sleeping around after all. However, she half expected that they all would have known if Buck started dating. He’s not one to keep that sort of thing to himself. So, this puts her off slightly.

She doesn’t know what Eddie replied to that, but Buck sounds a little confused as he says: “Uh, yeah, that was the plan, yeah.”

Eddie must disagree, because Buck frowns: “What? No.”

“Come on, Eddie, you don’t have to do that. I can drive just fine,” Buck tries to convince Eddie, but Hen mentally hopes Eddie wins this. Buck is still pale and shivering. He shouldn’t be driving. She is half starting to feel bad about listening in on a private conversation when Buck hits her with something that piques her interest: “What about Chris?”

Eddie was already a new name and a surprise, but adding Chris is suspicious. She doesn’t want to assume or judge when she doesn’t know, but that sounds questionable. Why would he need to check if a random other guy is okay with Eddie supposedly picking him up?

She already thought that Eddie might be a boyfriend. She can understand him not sharing, since he never mentioned anything about his sexuality. He might just not be comfortable being out. But now, she has to wonder if there is another reason he didn’t mention it. If it’s an affair instead.

This is almost immediately tossed out as possibility by Buck saying: “He needs sleep, you could accidentally wake him. I’m good to drive, I swear.”

Hen knows that concern. That is parental concern. Did Buck start dating a parent? Is that why he didn’t tell them, because he didn’t want to get the flack and jokes?

Now, she feels bad for him, because she knows that they would have made jokes about it. Buck isn’t an immature kid or anything, but he has a frat boy vibe. She thinks it’s sweet of him to want to help and with the way he is with kids, he’d probably be alright, but they would’ve teased him regardless. It makes her guilty that that prevented him from asking for support.

“You don’t know that,” Buck sulks indignantly.

Hen blinks back into the conversation, putting her musings aside to focus. It takes her a second to connect that response to Buck’s assurance that he’s okay to drive. Seems that Eddie agrees with her assessment of him, despite not being able to see him. That’s kind of romantic.

And it seems that Buck is also won over by it, fondly rolling his eyes as he goes: “Alright. Fine. You win. Come pick me up.”

Almost immediately after, Buck pouts: “No need to be smug about it.” Eddie says something, then Buck’s pout deepens as he quietly exclaims: “I’m not pouting!” There is a beat, then Buck rolls his eyes: “Ugh, you’re such a dick sometimes.” Hen can’t stop the small grin on her face at that.

Then he suddenly falls silent. Hen’s smile drops. It doesn’t seem like the listening silence, Buck’s eyes get a little watery and he chews his lip, as if he’s considering if he should say something at all. Despite herself, Hen holds her breath as she waits for Buck’s decision.

When he finally speaks, there is a vulnerable note in his voice that she has never heard there before, but instantly recognizes when she hears what he is saying. “But Chris- He’s okay right? I know that’s stupid, I just… There were kids on that plane, you know?”

Her heart does a familiar constriction. She still feels exactly like that every single time with Denny, but it was so much worse at the start. This is Buck’s first mass casualty event. Maybe even his first big accident since he starting dating this dad. Of course he must be terrified and unsure if it’s okay to ask if the little guy is okay.

It’s very sweet and she can’t help but watch how Buck’s eyes get wide and his face flushes, a pleased little smile tugging on his face, before he shyly asks: “You will? I mean, you don’t have to, but, uh, thank you.”

The smile grows a little and he looks practically giddy as he says: “Yeah, I’ll meet you two outside.” Then after a beat: “Bye, Eddie. See you soon.”

He hangs up and looks at his phone a bit, smiling, but unsure what to do with himself. In the end, he nods a few times, then clicks the screen off, before stuffing it back into his pocket. With a little grin on his face, he watches them pull into the firehouse.

Everyone starts to wake up, the familiar sounds and corner of pulling in rising them. Bobby has been sitting in the front seat, but Hen doesn’t think he’s been listening. He seems kind of zoned out, which is unusual for him, but then again, he’s only been here 18 months. This is the first time she’s seen him this close to losing his life. Maybe that’s normal for him.

They all climb out of the rig and trudge towards the showers. Hen would pull Buck aside to ask her questions and give the encouragement he might need, as well as help or advice. However, he is still soaked, so instead she says: “Make sure it’s lukewarm when you start. I don’t want you to hurt yourself.”

“Thank you, Hen,” Buck smiles and Hen is glad to see he’s dealing better with the losses they’ve suffered today than when he started. This Eddie is good for him.

Everyone washes the gross ocean smell and salt of themselves, with most of them leaving in their own cars or getting picked up. It’s been a long shift and Hen is glad they can hand it over.

She herself would usually already be on her way to drive home and collapse on top of her wife. But she wants to check on Buck before she leaves and satisfy some of her nosiness. Both to support a potential fellow queer parent and to have gossip to bring to Chimney in the hospital, since he can’t be here to collect it himself.

So, she doesn’t instantly crawl behind the wheel when she comes out of the shower. Instead going to sit down next to Buck and nudging him with her shoulder as she asks: “Are you okay, Buck?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine,” he smiles tiredly at her, damp hair curling at his temples. “Just called for a ride, my arms feel like they’re going to fall off.”

“I hear you, I’m gonna sleep so hard when I get home,” Hen smiles back. Then she makes her move, curiously asking: “Eddie coming to get you?”

Buck stiffens in surprise, giving her a confused look.

Apologetically, Hen says: “I couldn’t help but overhear your call on the way here, sorry. I didn’t know you were seeing someone.”

At that Buck flushes a bright red, seeming mortified as flails his hands and goes: “Oh, uh- No, no, it’s- it’s not like that.”

Now Hen feels uncomfortable and wrong footed. It’s not like she’s never been wrong before, but it doesn’t happen often and she was so sure. “Oh, I’m sorry, I just- I guess, I assumed. My bad.” A beat, then curiously she can’t help but ask: “Then who is Eddie? And who’s Chris? He sounded like a kid.”

Buck’s face does something complex, before settling on a grimace. “It’s complicated.”

Hen nods quietly to herself a few times, trying to figure out what to say. She started the conversation, it feels weird to just end it now. However, she knows how annoying it can be for people to poke. But she’s also nosy. In the end, she asks: “Complicated as in you’re not willing to tell me or…?”

“Complicated as in it’s a long story,” Buck finally sighs, rubbing his face. “I’m married to Eddie, adopted Chris.”

Now her eyes nearly fall out of her sockets. Maybe that assessment of it being an affair wasn’t that far off, but Buck wasn’t having an affair with Eddie, but cheating on Eddie.

Oblivious, Buck continues, only making it worse: “Eddie was in the military. He got injured, so I’ve been kind of providing for now. Chris is a great kid, I’m going to miss him.”

“Uhm, Buck…” Hen says, as in ‘what are you on about?’

“Yeah?” he asks, looking to be completely genuine.

“I- I don’t mean to assume – again – or judge,” she lies, “but leading an injured person on and fucking over a kid, is a horrible thing to do.”

“What do you mean?” he frowns, looking confused. Hen’s heart stops. She honestly thought Buck was a good kid, someone who’s heart was in the right place. She warmed up to him. God, she really should have known better than to trust a frat boy vibe. Of course he doesn’t even realize that what he’s doing is wrong.

“You’ve been sleeping around left and right,” Hen exclaims. “And clearly he doesn’t know that by how he’s acting. And clearly you’re aware it’s going to blow up in your face and tear your family apart and all you can manage is that you’ll miss him?”

Blink. Blink.

“Huh? Oh… No! No, no, that is- that’s not what is happening.” With wide eyes and grand movements, Buck desperately tries to convey that this is not the situation.

“Then what else is happening?” She honestly can’t come up with an explanation that will make all this better.

“It’s a marriage of convenience. Eddie’s straight. He only married me so I could adopt Chris and take care of him while Eddie was in the army. The plan was to divorce when he came back from tour, but then he got hurt, so we didn’t so he can recover. But he never wanted me in his life. It was just easy, you know. Once he can work, he’ll divorce me and- and I’ll lose it all…”

Tears come to his eyes and his voice wobbles when he forces out that last bit of explanation. He seems devastated, but trying to hide it and kind of failing at it.

Again, Hen finds herself wrong footed. That sure is an explanation that will make all she thought better, but that is also so much worse. She can’t imagine knowing there is a deadline to having Denny. To be married to someone who doesn’t love you, but just uses you.

She gets dealing with that has been so hard. It explains why he was practically spiraling when he got there. The sleeping around, the exploding at a patient, the way he never fully commits to team drinks after work.

It’s clear Buck is all in. That he loves Chris and Eddie. His family. That he doesn’t want to lose it and isn’t ready for it to end. And she can’t imagine how anyone could do that.

But it still doesn’t sit right in her stomach. Sure, she didn’t hear what Eddie said, but she’s pretty sure he’d been worried about Buck catching hypothermia, as well as strong armed Buck into getting picked up when he wanted to drive home, and at least comforted him about Chris. None of that sounds like a person that would just kick Buck to the curb.

However, she doesn’t know Eddie and she does know Buck, who is sitting right next to her looking like he’s about cry. So she definitively says: “Well, then Eddie is a dick.”

“Hen!”

“What? He is!” Hen exclaims. “If he is only using you for money and child care and is then kicking you to the curb, then he is a dick and you deserve better. You’re married and adopted Chris? You can take that man to court when it comes to it. Cause he’s an asshole.”

“No, no, he’s not,” Buck immediately goes to assure her. “He’s the best person I know. I just-”

“Buck? That’s- I-”

Both their heads snap up at the stuttering. They’d been turning to each other more and more as they spoke, slowly getting in their own bubble, both forgetting that they’re still in the locker room of the firehouse.

Hen thinks it might be one of their colleagues who just also had to hear the batshit lore Buck just dropped on her, but when she looks it’s not one of the people on their shift. Instead it’s a brown haired, brown eyed man, who is looking almost as devastated as Buck did moments ago. It hits her that this must be Eddie.

“You think that’s what I’m doing?” Eddie finally finds his voice, sounding like a kicked puppy.

Buck stumbles to his feet, immediately assuring him: “No, no, I know you’re not using me for my money or whatever. You were hurt, I want to hel-”

“No, not that, Buck,” Eddie cuts him off, looking angry on Buck’s behalf. Maybe Hen did pin him right that first time. Because he seems more upset now: “You think I don’t want you there?”

“Uhm… No… I mean, maybe?” Buck replies, the answer clearly being ‘yes.’

“Buck, what the hell!” Eddie says. “You’re my best friend, of course I want you there. You’re not allowed to just walk out on us. I- I can’t-” He stops himself with a swallow and Hen guesses there is a story there.

“Hey, hey, I’m not going to leave,” Buck shushes him. “If you want me here, I’m going to be here. You are my best friend too. Of course I’m not going to walk out on you or Chris.”

Eddie nods a few times and Hen can see him push down tears and straighten his shoulders, pretending like he never did anything close to crying ever. “Good. That’s good.”

Hen seriously wonders if they’re ever going to talk more about this or ever mention the tension between them that she can clearly classify romantic. God, these two idiots probably don’t even realize any of this and she has got herself caught up in this. She could’ve been at home in Karen’s arms by now. At least it’ll be proper drama to tell Chim when she visits.

It seems like neither know what to do with themselves now. In the end, Buck puts them both out of their misery, asking after an awkward silence: “So where’s Chris?”

Eddie is grateful for the change of topic, a fond smile on his face: “Asleep in the backseat. I came to see where you are, figured I’d let him sleep. Didn’t wake up all throughout the entire thing. I swear he gets from you.”

“Oh like you’re one to talk, you can barely be dragged out of bed in the morning,” Buck teases, his shoulders relaxed again and eyes sparkling at the comment of Chris getting something from him.

“People just aren’t supposed to be awake that early,” Eddie shrugs, before moving. “Besides, I don’t think you’re waking up easy tomorrow. You look dead on your feet. Still think you could have driven home?”

Buck sends him a half hearted glare. “Oh shut up.”

“I think the words you’re looking for is ‘you were right, thank you, Eddie, for picking me up instead of letting me do something stupid,’” Eddie retorts with a bad impression of him, before starting to usher him towards the car. “Now, go check up on Chris, I’ll grab your bag.”

“Oi, I don’t sound like that,” Buck complains, but he starts to do as told. The exhaustion has truly hit by now, probably not made better by the emotional conversation. Still, Buck has the mind to throw a: “Goodnight, Hen,” over his shoulder.

She smiles. “Goodnight, Buck.”

Eddie watches Buck go with a fond smile for a moment, checking that he can make it on his own, then turns to her again. “Uhm, I’m Eddie. It’s nice to meet you,” he says, looking a little uncomfortable as he holds out his hand.

“Hen. Nice to meet you too,” Hen shakes it. Then she indicates a bag, “That one is Buck’s.”

“Thank you,” Eddie says, giving her a grimace-smile. She watches him grab it, then move towards the door, pause and turn back to her. He hesitates for a moment, then says: “I don’t know exactly what caused him to say that, but I promise that is not what I’m doing. Buck is the best thing that happened to me, I- I would never- It’s not-”

He starts stuttering, before he gives up, cringing at himself. Hen thinks it’s probably a gay mental barrier and internally rolls her eyes, but externally, she just smiles. “I believe you. I think he needs to hear it more than me. It was a rough call.”

“I’ll tell him,” Eddie vows. Then makes an awkward move, says: “Uh, goodnight,” before speeding out of the firehouse.

Hen watches him go for a second, then shakes her head to herself. Today has been weird. She misses Chimney. He would have made today more weird, but also more fun probably. She contemplates swinging by the hospital before going home, but ultimately decides against it. It’s late, they both need the rest.

Instead, she texts him, then Karen, before going to her car. She needs to face plant on her beautiful wife for a bit.

~~

A/N:

The entire phone conversation for those interested:

E: “Hello? Buck? Is that you?”

B: “Hi, Eddie. Hope I’m not bothering you?”

E: “Of course you’re not bothering me, you dumbass. I just saw your unit on the news at that crash. Are you okay?”

B: “I’m okay, just took a small dip in the ocean, but it’s alright. Ice baths are good for you, right?”

E: “Oh my god, please tell me you’re trying to prevent hypothermia.”

B: “I am, I am. No hypothermia, I promise. Hen gave me a blanket and I’m going to make sure I’ve stopped shivering before driving home.”

E: “You’re driving home?”

B: “Uh, yeah, that was the plan, yeah.”

E: “That plan is stupid. I’m picking you up.”

B: “What? No.”

E: “Uhm, yeah.”

B: “Come on, Eddie, you don’t have to do that. I can drive just fine. What about Chris?”

E: “Chris can survive sleeping, or I can buckle him into the backseat.”

B: “He needs sleep, you could accidentally wake him. I’m good to drive, I swear.”

E: “Buck, you’re in no condition to drive.”

B: “You don’t know that.”

E: “I do know that. You’re a stubborn shit and your definition of ‘fine’ and ‘little’ are off, so you’re gonna stay there and let me pick you up.”

B: “Alright. Fine. You win. Come pick me up.”

E: “Ha.”

B: “No need to be smug about it.”

E: “No need to be pouty.

B: “I’m not pouting!”

E: “Hm, sure.”

B: “Ugh, you’re such a dick sometimes.” … “But Chris- He’s okay right? I know that’s stupid, I just… There were kids on that plane, you know?”

E: “I get it, I check on him all the time. I’ll buckle him in, so you can see him soon.”

B: “You will? I mean, you don’t have to, but, uh, thank you.”

E: “Of course, I will. It’s no problem. I’ll see you two at the station, then?”

B: “Yeah, I’ll meet you outside.”

E: “Goodbye, Buck.”

B: “Bye, Eddie. See you soon.”

[flwrkid14]

A Love That Hurts: Tim and Danny’s Toxic Tango

It didn’t start like this.

In the beginning, their love had been easy. They found comfort in each other—a soft place to land when the rest of the world felt too sharp. Tim loved Danny’s laugh, the way it lit up a room even when everything else felt dark. Danny adored Tim’s quiet strength, the way he always seemed to know how to pick up the pieces.

For a while, they were each other’s saving grace. Tim helped Danny feel grounded, giving him the stability he hadn’t known since Amity Park became more battlefield than home. Danny made Tim feel alive, like he wasn’t just another cog in the Bat-machine—like he was someone worth loving.

But that kind of love is hard to hold onto when you don’t know how to nurture it.

------------------------

The cracks started small: an offhand comment here, a tense silence there. They chalked it up to stress, but the arguments began to escalate, unraveling the love they’d built. Neither of them knew how to fix it, so they didn’t try.

One fight bled into another. Danny’s voice was sharp. “They’re my friends, Tim. Something you’d know about if you still talked to yours. When was the last time you even answered Cassie or Steph? You’re too busy trying to fix things that don’t need fixing.”

Tim didn’t hesitate. “And when was the last time Val actually came through for you? She’s got her own problems—why does she need to patrol with you? Are you just keeping her around for the nostalgia? Or are you afraid of letting her go?”

Danny’s lips curled into a bitter smile. “Right, because you’re the expert on letting go. How many of Kon’s clones are you going to try to ‘save’ before you realize it’s never going to bring him back?”

Tim flinched, his voice low and venomous. “At least I don’t run back to my exes when I feel like I’m losing control. What’s next, Danny? You calling Sam and Tucker to bail you out?”

Danny laughed, hollow and sharp. “You really think I need them? I’m here, Tim. With you. Maybe if you spent less time in your spreadsheets, you’d see that.”

The fights always ended the same: one of them storming off, slamming doors, followed by hours of silence. When they apologized, it wasn’t about fixing anything—just avoiding another explosion.

Neither could admit the truth: they weren’t protecting each other—they were just too afraid to let go

------------------------

Danny didn’t just distance Tim from his friends; he actively cut them out. He deleted Cassie’s texts before Tim could see them, until eventually, she stopped trying. When Tim noticed, Danny shrugged. “She’s probably busy,” he said casually, though his tone left no room for argument.

Tim didn’t push. After all, he wasn’t innocent. When Val invited Danny to patrol with her, Tim was quick to sow doubt. “You really think Amity Park can’t survive one night without you? Or is it just about her? Seems like you don’t trust me to be enough.”

Danny hesitated, his frustration visible, but he stayed. Over time, Val’s invitations stopped, and Danny didn’t ask why.

------------------------

Sam and Tucker’s visit to Gotham was no different. Danny had been excited to see them, but when the weekend came, Tim hit a low point.

���Do you really need to see them right now?” Tim asked, his voice soft but pointed. “It’s been rough lately. I thought you’d want to focus on us.”

Danny faltered, guilt creeping in. “They already planned the trip…”

“And what about me?” Tim pressed, his voice taking on an edge. “Am I supposed to just sit here and wait while you run back to them? Is that what this is?”

Danny canceled the plans. He didn’t explain, just sent Sam a curt text: Can’t make it. Something came up. He ignored the flood of concerned messages that followed, shoving his phone into a drawer.

When Tim noticed the tension, he didn’t comment. Instead, he doubled down. “You’re better off without them. They don’t understand this life. Not like I do.”

Danny nodded, even as the distance from Sam and Tucker grew into something he didn't know how to bridge.

Tim wasn’t immune to Danny’s tactics either. Bruce invited Tim to family dinner, but Danny’s reaction was immediate. “You’re seriously going to leave me here? After everything?” he asked, his tone more accusation than question.

“It’s just dinner,” Tim said weakly, but Danny’s narrowed eyes stopped him.

“Right. And how long before you’re ‘just’ staying overnight at the Manor? Before Bruce drags you back into his plans? You think they care about you? They care about what you can do for them.”

Tim stayed, sending Bruce a quick excuse. When Dick called the next day, Tim brushed him off with a clipped, “Busy.” Danny noticed the tension but said nothing, a smug satisfaction flickering in his eyes when Tim didn’t bring up the family again.

When Damian later referred to Tim as “too busy playing house,” Danny felt a pang of guilt that he quickly buried under pride. At least Tim was his, now.

------------------------

They were each other’s shields against the world, but it came at a cost.

Danny missed Sam and Tucker fiercely but couldn’t bring himself to reach out, not when Tim would undoubtedly notice. Tim felt the growing distance from the Bats like a weight he couldn’t shake, but he didn’t try to repair it—not when Danny so clearly needed him more.

The truth was simple and ugly: they weren’t protecting each other. They were controlling each other.

Danny missed the Tim who made him feel safe. Tim missed the Danny who didn’t flinch at “I love you.” But neither of them could stop. Because if Sam and Tucker weren’t there for Danny, and the Bats weren’t there for Tim, they only had each other.

And maybe that was the point.

[calicoconstellation]

Hot take: SNAP/EBT (foodstamps) should be usable for buying hot ready made food. Not allowing poor people to get takeout is just punishing disabled people who can't cook just cause we're poor. I shouldn't have to choose between my last spoons and eating.

Second hot take: able-bodied poor people who can cook also deserve takeout. Everyone has days they're too exhausted to cook. No one should be punished for being poor. Easy access to food shouldn't be a fucking privilege.

-Saffron

[hidden-snow]

𝑆𝑘𝑖𝑛 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝐵𝑜𝑛𝑒𝑠

Requested by @strongheartneteyam

Rating // +18

Warnings // Body insecurities / Smut teaser at the end/ Jealousy / Body image issues / Might be triggering for some readers

Word count // 1,950

You’d never been ashamed of your body before. You’d never had a reason to hate your body before. Sure, you were shorter than most Na’vi girls your age, and you weren’t as thin as they were. Your body held more flesh and you had a bit of a belly that went along with your thick thighs and curvy frame.

With Neteyam, though, everything about you was perfect.

Courtship was something every Na’vi girl dreamed of when growing up, fantasizing about how her future mate would ask her, as well as their future afterwards.

You were no different.

What you weren’t expecting was for Neteyam to be the one to ask.

You’d had a crush on him since childhood and, due to the close bond you both shared, it was no surprise when he started gifting you small intricately-designed bracelets and elegant necklaces, asking you into a courtship with him.

You’d have to admit, you tended to match a person with a stereotype and, even though you were thrilled out of your mind at the prospect of a happy family with the boy of your dreams, you’d thought he was into a different type of woman. A thinner type.

He was quick to snuff out that stereotype, showering you with praise and adoration, and constant kisses all over your body at night when you were expected to be sleeping instead. He knew your body like the back of his hand, having explored almost every inch of you. His favorite thing to do with you was to kiss your thighs, trailing his lips upwards to your belly, before resting his cheek against your stomach.

You would lay there, fingers gently running through the beaded thin braids of his hair, as his head rose and fell with your relaxed breathing.

Trouble didn’t arise until Neteyam started branching out with friends of the opposite gender. Girls would flirt with him in a desperate attempt to take him from your side. He was usually very quick to shut it down and, should you have happened to hear about it later, he made sure you heard about the situations from his own mouth first.

One day, though, you were headed to see him, a handful of picked flowers in your hands to give him as a gift. You had to do a double take, seeing him sitting on the ground while talking with a girl. A skinny girl with thin limbs and the same amount of fingers as him. A skinny girl with a tall frame and pretty black hair.

A skinny pretty girl.

You couldn’t remember him mentioning a new female friend, but it wasn’t like you were against it. You didn’t mind, as long as he made sure to keep her in the friend space and nothing more. You trusted him.

Shaking off your stupor, you approached and gave him the flowers, and the smile on his face was brilliant and dazzling, bright as the stars at night. Your heart fluttered at the smile and you couldn’t help but return it with a sheepish one.

The next day, he was with that girl again. Talking and laughing, as if the bestest of friends. Standing on the edge of the field, arrows drawn back tight, they looked at their targets for a moment before releasing the strings, watching the arrows sink into the bullseye of the trees they’d been aiming for. They looked at each other, smiling in pure pride and happiness, and you can’t help but falter.

Especially when you heard the whispers.

Whispers of people all around you, talking about how perfect of a couple they’d make together. That was the first time you’d begun to feel insecure. That was the first time you’d begun to compare yourself to someone else in the village.

Sure, you were a halfling, just like Neteyam and the other children. You were born from the union of a Na’vi mother and an avatar father. Like Lo’ak, you had five fingers on each hand, and you had the slightest dusting of eyebrows upon your face.

You weren’t the best at archery, nor were you very good at hunting in general. Sure, you’d passed your iknimaya well enough, but you still weren’t one of the best. Instead, you preferred helping with cooking the meals for your people or crafting jewelry and clothing for your fellow people.

This girl… she had more in common with Neteyam than you ever would.

Clutching the bracelet you’d made for him tight to your chest, that was the first time you’d ever fled from him.

It felt like your chest was on fire, like your heart was physically ripping in shreds. Because in that moment, you realized that the whispers were right; he deserved her. She would be perfect for him. You would have to let him go so that he could truly be happy.

When he came to find you, you were sitting in your hut, hunched over a loom, weaving a new top for your mother to wear. He’d asked you to go flying with him, something you both enjoyed doing with each other.

You’d kept your face down to hide the tears and the trembling of your lips as you shook your head, claiming to be busy at the time. After constant pushing for him to go and fly with his new friend, he left, but you could feel the disappointment that radiated off of him in waves. Each wave smashed against your tender heart like a hammer, cracking it more and more the longer you thought about it.

Thus began a new cycle.

You were pushing him away, trying to get him to realize that he’d found his match and she wasn’t you. Distance was what he needed. Distance and time. And then he’d see her and he’d fall in love and he’d be truly happy.

At least, that’s what you thought.

To Neteyam, you were simply being stubborn and cold. He had no idea why you were doing this or why you were behaving the way you were. The nights of snuggling, the days of talking and just being together, they were all over.

He missed you.

A lot.

In an attempt to figure out a solution to your sudden coldness, he turned to the wiser adults. First, he’d spoken to Mo’at. Then his parents. And finally, he’d sat down with your parents to find out what the root of this problem was.

No one had any idea what could possibly have caused this chaos between you and him. They were as stumped as he was.

One thing that did stick to him, though, was something his father had told him.

“Neteyam, girls are fragile, but they’re also strong willed and smart. They trust men with their lives, until they don’t. So if you’ve started doing things you know Y/n wouldn’t like, you need to figure out what it is and stop it.”

Was he doing something wrong?

He didn’t know. If he tried to ask, you’d brush him off and walk away, acting like everything was just fine, even if it wasn’t.

So, he turned to his new friend. Sitting down under the shade of a tree, he spilled out his heart to her, confessing his love towards you, as well as his confusion over your sudden coldness. She listened patiently, nodding as if she knew exactly what was wrong.

When he’d gotten to the end of his rant, she smiled.

“What is it? Do you know why she is acting this way?” he’d asked softly and she nodded again.

“I believe that she might be jealous of our friendship. Some rumors have started of late. Adults talking about how you and I would go well together. Even though we are only friends, I’m sure she has heard them and believes them.”

He was falling into a whole new level of confusion. It wasn’t like you to listen to gossip and rumors. You’d always thought that sort of thing was petty and cruel. So why would you listen to it now?

That was when he decided he’d had enough of it all. No more cat and mouse games. No more playing around. He was going to get down to the bottom of this with you one way or another.

He approached you in your little crook of the world, determination making it hard for you to push him away.

“Y/n, I’m not leaving until you answer me,” he stated, hands firmly planted on your shoulders as you stared up at him with wide eyes.

“Why are you behaving like this? Did none of this even matter to you? Everything we have built together, all of it. Does it no longer matter to you anymore?”

You were frozen, finally forced to face the conflict of your actions, and you didn’t know how to respond other than to break into tears in his arms.

“She would be so much better for you,” you sob softly as he cradled your body close to him. “She is skinny and tall and beautiful. She is good at all the things you’re good at and she has so much in common with you. She would make you so much happier than I ever could.”

You spill out every thought, every feeling that had been stowed away for weeks in your head.

He listened patiently, letting you ramble until you had no words left to speak.

And then, he pulled you over to your mat, pushing you flat on your back, hands planted on each side of your head.

“I love you. You make my life interesting, Y/n. No one could ever come close to replacing you. I love you and your beautiful body. Your funny jokes and your frustration. I love that cute little groan you make when you miss your target. I love helping you aim your arrows because I can feel your skin against mine and it fills me with warmth. I love cuddling with you at night and kissing every inch of your body. I love talking to you and listening to your exciting stories. Your mischievous adventures always thrill me the most. I’d rather listen to you talking about what you’ve done all day than talk to anyone else.”

He moved down to dust his lips lightly against your own, cupping your jaw gently with his hand.

“I think it’s time to remind you of how much I love you.”

His voice was soft, as quiet as a whisper, and it sent shivers up your spine. You were crying, but it was from relief. He wasn’t going to leave you because he loved you.

It was something he wasn’t going to ever give up on.

His fingers brushed down your body, light as a feather, touching every inch of your skin. And once he’d touched every part of you, he began to trail kisses down your skin, pulling your thighs up over his shoulders so that he could kiss the flesh of your legs. His teeth lightly graze the inner parts of your thighs and you just relish in his gentle kisses and light touches.

He returns his lips back to yours, drawing you into a deeper, more heated kiss. Fingers gently pull your tewng off, discarding it nearby, before he wiggled out of his own. His hands gently press against yours, fingers slotted between your own to grip your hands tightly as he rubbed his girth in between your thighs.

“I love every inch of you,” he whispered as he parted from your kiss. “Every inch of you belongs to me, just like every inch of me belongs to you. I will never throw you away for anyone else.”

[eevees-hobbies]

um um um Eve I had a bad day today and I was wondering if you could (please feel free to ignore me if you’re not interested or I’m annoying!!) write something about some of the windbre boys showing off their chubby gf 👉🏼👈🏼 they can get smutty or stay wholesome, whichever is easier for you. Maybe ume, togame, sakura, endo, and hiragi? Idk if that’s too many people. I hope you’re having a great day!!

Author’s Note: Hi, Anon! I’m sorry to hear you had a bad day,and even though I’m fulfilling this request a few days late (sorry!) I hope that the little piece below makes you smile even a little bit. I’m a thick girl myself, so I love when writers talk about readers' curves, rolls, cellulite, big asses, BREASTS, BIG THIGHS (oh my). Also, please don’t say you’re annoying because you aren’t and never could be, babe 💕. Sorry for not writing for Endo yet (I still haven’t gotten to him in the manga!). I enjoyed writing this. Sakura, please marry me!

Content Warning: Made with fem! reader in mind :) Reader x Haruka Sakura, Reader x Hajime Umemiya, Reader x Toma Hiragi. It's fluffy, except Hiragi does try to sneak something inappropriate in there. Also, tw: for body insecurities.

Word Count: 892 (it’s not about size, it’s what you do with it!)

Dividers by Saradika

Haruka Sakura

Quite frankly, Sakura is tired of your bullshit tonight. You’ve been acting out of the ordinary, hiding behind him, avoiding eye contact with others, and talking barely above a whisper.

“What is wrong with you?” His dual-colored eyes search yours for any indication of what might be your problem. 

“You haven’t given me shit all night, and it’s startin’ to make me nervous!”

You briefly let out a small laugh, but it’s so barely detectable that Sakura can’t savor the sound. 

You open your mouth but avert your eyes from him. “I…I’m being dumb, but I don’t like the way this dress feels on me. I shouldn’t have worn it, and now people are s-staring at me…”

Sakura looks around at the packed bar. Sure, he notices glances, but he knows what it’s like to be looked at as though you’re shit on the bottom of someone’s shoe, and that’s not what he’s seeing. He leans closer to you, his face so close that you can see the individual hairs of his eyelashes.

“Look at me. Everyone’s looking at you because you’re fucking gorgeous, and if someone did have anything to say about your dress,” he pauses, “my new favorite dress, I’ll kick their fucking asses!”

You look up at Sakura in pure adoration, love, and devotion—feeling the insecurity wash away as he looks down at you as though you are the only person in the entire world that matters–and to Haruka Sakura, that’s the case.

“The man that you are, Haruka.” 

Hajime Umemiya

You stand nervously in the bathroom of Cafe Pothos as you splash cool water on your face. You feel on the verge of passing out as anxiety grips your throat and chest, making it hard to breathe.

Quick but soft knocks at the door break you out of your panic attack, and Umemiya’s soothing voice reaches you, “Y/N, my friends are here. Are you ok, babe?”

You are not ok.

You’ve been dating Umemiya for months, and everything had been perfect until he planned a meet-n-greet with his friends. Residual insecurity from partners who were cruel after their friends disapproved of you and what you looked like set you into a spiral that you couldn’t break out of.

But it’s now or never.

You pull open the door and give him your best attempt at a smile for someone who was just having a panic attack in a public restroom.

Umemiya knows exactly what’s going through your mind without you having to say it, and despite his constant praise of you, he understands that sometimes actions are far more effective.

He grabs you by the hand and pulls you into the central area of the cafe, where all of his friends sit. You want to crawl into yourself as all eyes are on you, but before you shut down, Umemiya speaks first.

“Guys! This is my girlfriend, Y/N. Please don’t embarrass me in front of her; she thinks I’m cool.” 

Hiragi offers a kind smile, “Well, she’s going to be disappointed because there’s not a cool bone in your body. Nice to me ya, Y/N. He talks about you all the time.”

Your eyes get wide as you look up at a blushing Umemiya. 

“Really?”

Someone you recognize as Tsubakino chimes in, “All the time, and who can blame him when you’re so cute?”

“Hey, guys, leave the complimenting my girl to me, please. Not trying to have you steal her.”

You feel Umemiya’s hand squeeze yours, and your shoulders relax as you wonder what you were worrying about to begin with.

Toma Hiragi 

Hiragi sighs heavily as he listens to the continuous chatter of Umemiya who is giving a long-winded update on the state of horticulture efforts across North America. It’s a random topic, but Umemiya is in hyperfixation mode, and there’s no stopping him once he gets started.

You’re sitting with them, trying not to let your mind wander in case there’s a pop-quiz on the subject.

Hiragi looks at you and rolls his eyes with a smile; you manage a barely silent giggle in return.

Twenty minutes pass, and the torture ends; as Umemiya squeezes out of the booth and you stand up to allow him to pass, Hiragi follows suit, placing a hand on your stomach and giving the soft flesh a gentle squeeze almost on instinct.

Your face heats up because surely Umemiya saw that, but if he did, he says nothing as he waves goodbye to you both.

You quickly turn to Hiragi once Ume is out of sight, “Toma! Why’d you do that!?”

His brows furrow in confusion at your sudden outburst, “do what?”

“You grabbed my stomach in front of Ume and it was NOT an innocent grab!”

“There you go, being a pain in my ass again. What are you talking about? Ume knows you’re curvy, everyone knows, and I’ll be damned if I let you police my squeezing of you in public.”

“You are an undeniable pervert that should be on a list with other perverts!”

He shakes his head and pulls out his gas-kun10. For someone that he loves beyond a shadow of a doubt, you still somehow manage to stimulate the wrath of his poor digestive system.

“You owe me for that smart-ass remark, girl. You can sit on my-”

“TOMA!”

[to0needy]

i’m so fucked up that i think my therapist finds it annoying when im scheduling appointments with her