#tw self doubt mention

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

Infinity: LuLu, you think I’m smart, right?

Lunar: You’re the smartest.

Infinity: So I’m not dumb?

Lunar: Not at all.

Infinity: And I’m not ugly?

Lunar, now holding a knife: I’ll kill whoever told you that.

[mullet--head]

hey tw for this post it's gonna be full of self doubt

I think my mom is right, I think faking all of my identities just because I saw them on the internet

It doesn't matter that I researched them and was actually in denial before coming to terms. None of it's real. I'm not real. The people in my head aren't real. Donatello didn't rape me. I'm not fused with a younger version of me. My favorite fictional characters are bot in my head. I am not any fictional characters. I am not a baby. I am not any animal other than human.

There's no way.

[qtubbo]

i wonder how much of tubbo's skewed ideas about death come from fred and how much is from purgatory. i think fred and the funeral is meant to be the main factor, but tubbo has also made it clear that he has not forgotten purgatory. at the beginning he was stuck in an endless loop of dying, then he became the killer, and then the final battle was centered around who died first. in the past month death has been one of the most significant parts of his life.

You get so used to death it hardly seems real anymore.

[fairycorewalterwhite]

Vent

tw for SH

my older sister just got a 4 thousand scholarship to the most famous university in my city and as I’m writing this she is on the phone calling her entire family and I should be happy for her, I mean she’s been working her whole life for this, but I just can’t be happy for her, she’s so smart and I’m not, she’s a perfectionist and takes it out on my family, we are never enough for her, she’s constantly hurting me or making fun of my friends or telling me not to mention any “gay things” in front of her boyfriend and I should be happy for her, I really should be but I’m in my room writing this because I just need to let it out, i need to vent to people who don’t know me personally, she is never going to get out of my life and she is never going to lower her expectations, she’s constantly doing something to piss me off and it always fucking works! I’m so fucking done but I’ll never get rid of her and I’ll never be as smart or as pretty or as skinny or as fit as she is because those just were the cards I was dealt in life. She is never going to give me any empathy when I confide in her about my worst issues, she forces me to tell our parents who never understand the shit I go through and act like I’m being dramatic or make it about them when I’m forced to show them my scars. I’ll never live up to the expectations she set for herself and us. None of use will and people always tell me family comes first when I hear stories about how these sibling issues were present in my uncles who BEAT EACH OTHER UP I can’t help but feel cheated out of the sisterly relationship everyone always treats as holy. She treats us like trash and gets rewarded

[bleetusmcyeetus]

But what if they hate me and want me to fall in a volcano and die actually

[oflostinfound]

"Hax...you okay?..." They reach a hand out tentatively towards them.

|| 💛 ||: ❝ Go- Away! ❞ || 💛 ||: ❝ Get lost! ❞

Hax curls up tighter on themself as the two distinct voices echo out. Fingers curled in their hair, arms pressing tightly to the sides of their face. Trying to hold themself together- literally and metaphorically. They could feel the seam down the center of their face, feel themself slipping. They were terrified- but that fear only fed into what was emerging from inside them.

Hieron can read minds, they already know how much of an awful person you are. They're just being nice- If they touch you they'll know just how much of an awful person you really are.

|| 💛 ||: ❝ I SAID GET LOST-! ❞ || 💛 ||: ❝ please leave- ❞

[warsinmyhead]

[Musing] A Little Dirty How Things Started

TW: 18+ College parties, drinking, insults about other people, homophobia, run-ins with people, people using other people to get back at exes, college life, mention of someone showering, blowjobs, language, mention of cheating, mention of an X-acto knife, mention of absent parents, breakups

Notes: This is set before Jimin joined Kingsman and both guys are in undergraduate for university. This incident was a one-time instance for the pair – Hiro does not harbor romantic or lustful feelings for his elder today. Additionally, Jimin does not have any romantic feelings for Hiro. (This incident does make him wonder if he really only likes girls as he originally thought.) For more information on the NPC characters mentioned, please click on their names for the background: Namseon | Tal | Yena

[ OOC: Here it is folks! The backstory that started the blog and fleshed out Hiro and Jimin beyond being just characters living in a drabble. ]

"Watch out for that one. Heard he's a real fuckboy."

Jimin paused from grabbing a water from the fridge and he jerked his head in the direction of the party host, Namseon, who was pointing out a young man locked in a heated kiss with a girl.

The girl had cupped the boy's face in both hands and they hadn't broken apart yet for air. Jimin thought he recognized the girl from one of his first year classes, but the guy she was kissing didn't look familiar to him.

He closed the fridge door and raised a brow in Namseon's direction. That earned him an eye roll and the host motioned for Jimin to come closer, so he didn't have to shout over the music and noise.

"Pretty sure he's a transfer student and I know for a fact that he's not her boyfriend," Namseon shared. "Also heard this kid's been seen at other parties making out with other girls."

Since when did you become the self-appointed kissing police? Jimin almost shot back, but thought better of it. Namseon was no friend of his, but the guy had hefty ties as a chaebol to an old money family who got into this school as a legacy student. Jimin met him in Intro to Architecture and was roped into helping Namseon study and pass any partner-related assignments. For some reason, this seemed to make the chaebol think that Jimin was his friend and often the help sessions were repaid in the form of inviting Jimin to the parties his fraternity threw regularly. Tonight, Jimin planned to show up for a couple of minutes, then leave to focus on his studies. He's learned his lesson that even though the chaebol is rich, as are many of the fraternity members, they're complete cheapskates when it comes to drinks and food.

Another boy from the fraternity passed Namseon and Jimin, and leaned closer to share that the girl they were watching was single as of tonight.

"She caught her boyfriend hooking up with the girl from the Rowing team," the boy explained. He nodded at Jimin before excusing himself to mingle with the other attendees.

"Okay I stand corrected then," Namseon shrugged. "But yeah, I'd avoid this kid Ji. He's probably hooking up with most of the campus at this rate. Hell, I thought someone said he made out with a guy!"

While the pair were talking, the boy in question had pulled away from the girl and excused himself, making his way to the kitchen.

Namseon noticed this and he patted Jimin on the shoulder, before making some excuse up about finding one of his frat brothers and leaving Jimin alone in the kitchen.

Jimin checked his phone and decided it would be a good time to split any way. It was early enough where he could get some work done on his thesis proposal and outline, as well as start studying for a midterm on Thursday.

"Where did you get the water from, hyung?"

Jimin looked up from his phone and saw it was the young man Namseon was complaining about. His face was slightly flushed and Jimin noticed there were smears of lipstick all over his mouth. On instinct, he gestured to the areas where the remnants were and the other boy quickly darted past him to find a paper towel or napkin to wipe it off.

"Shit, thanks! I didn't know she had so much lipstick on!" the young man said as he used a clean napkin to remove the cherry red marks.

"Don't worry about it," Jimin replied with a shrug. "Water should be in the fridge. If you're looking for the beer, it's in the coolers but its the crappy cheap stuff." He put his phone away in his pocket and was about to exit the kitchen to head back to his dorm. He heard the fridge door open and he heard the young man sigh and mutter that the waters were all gone.

Feeling generous, Jimin turned and threw the bottle he was holding in his hands. "It's not open."

The young man fumbled with the bottle and bowed his head as Jimin left.

############

"Thanks for the suggestions for Jeju," Tal said as he ran into Jimin after class. "Tonight I have one more midterm, then I'll be flying out tomorrow morning."

Jimin waved it away like it was nothing and he asked his roommate again if he needed a ride to the airport.

Tal shook his head and explained that the rest of the group planned to call a rideshare and split the cost between them. "Wish you could come – you said it's been ages since you've gone?"

"My class went there on a field trip when I was little," Jimin recalled. "I kind of remember picking mandarins, but yeah it was a long time ago. Don't worry about it, with how my schedule worked out, I would have had to fly out at the end of the week and miss a lot of the activities you guys planned. Plus, I'm trying to help my aunt and uncle save a bit of money."

Tal nodded and checked his watch for the time, noting that he had enough time to eat an early dinner, cram a bit more studying in, then he'd have the midterm. "Is it dorky for roommates to do dinner together outside of the cafeteria? I ran out of credits, but I promise we'll do something cheap."

Jimin laughed and disagreed as he pulled up his phone to search for nearby places to grab food that was good, but not too expensive. He scrolled through and asked Tal what he was in the mood for.

"Bibim guksu sound good? It's always believed that eating something spicy before a stressful event helps take away the stress," Jimin proposed.

"As long as we're not talking 'melt your face off spicy', then yeah sounds good to me," Tal responded.

"This place is a block and half away – they give student discounts too," Jimin shared. He pointed in the direction of the restaurant and felt someone loop their arm around his shoulders.

"There you are! I am freaking out about Prof's midterm and you're the guy I need to talk to!" Namseon declared. "Sorry about ditching you a couple of nights ago – needed to make sure Haejoon was back with more stuff for the party. Did you the fuckboy make a move on you?"

Jimin blinked and he remarked that he couldn't help Namseon right now. "Tal and I were grabbing dinner – you remember my roommate, right?"

Namseon glanced over at Tal and raised a hand in greeting. "Hey and the fuckboy comment wasn't about you, it was this kid I saw making out with Yuna? Yiren? I forgot her name, but she was with the Young Liberals Club president when she came to the party."

"For the record, the guy went looking for a bottle of water when I saw him," Jimin added as he moved Namseon's arm off of his shoulders. "I didn't stay long because I have midterms and my thesis draft."

Tal glanced over at Jimin's phone and pointed in the direction of the restaurant. "Hey Ji, I'll get dinner and maybe we can do roommate dinner after spring break. I really should cram more, 'cause my exam's in 3 hours." He raised a hand casually to bid Namseon goodbye and walked off in the direction of the restaurant.

############

"That's not Gothic, that's Romanesque," Jimin sighed, trying to be patient with Namseon. Thanks to the chaebol, Tal left to have dinner without him and Namseon took that to mean Jimin was free to help him cram for the midterm tomorrow. FML...

"Boys, we will be closing soon," a librarian assistant informed the pair as she approached their table.

Namseon groaned and Jimin checked his phone for the time. He saw there were missed texts from Tal, and he made a note to respond and apologize for what happened earlier. His roommate was an exchange student from Southern California and his Korean was slightly better than elementary, but not perfect. Still, he had shown a lot of positive interest in multiple elements of the Korean culture beyond the pop culture stuff like K-dramas and K-pop. While roommates of exchange students weren't required to be buddy-buddy with them, Jimin and Tal clicked and the native student couldn't help but want to show Tal the good places during his year in Korea.

"Looks like I'll be ordering delivery," Jimin muttered when he saw it was past the time the cafeteria would be open.

"Ah good idea Ji," Namseon remarked. "Maybe I'll do that too – chimaek?"

"I was thinking cold noodles, but maybe I'll just get kimbap at the convenience store," Jimin concluded. He didn't want to deal with delivery fees at this hour since a lot of students probably had the same idea of ordering food while cramming for exams.

Namseon made a face about kimbap and murmured that he'd pass on joining Jimin at the convenience store. "I had kimbap for lunch today and the stuff I got at the grocery store was bland. Well, thanks for the help Ji. I think I feel a little better about this exam tomorrow."

Jimin nodded as he packed up his books and notes in his bag, while Namseon headed for the doors to the library.

"Oho! Namseon-hyung right?"

Jimin lifted his head slightly when he heard the voice and he bit back a laugh when he saw it was the guy from the party dashing up to Namseon, to the other's dismay.

"Yeah what do you want?"

"Thank you for the awesome party a few nights ago!" the young man blurted out. He bowed respectfully and added that the music was great and the house was really cool.

With the chaebol distracted, Jimin decided to use a side entrance to exit quietly. He scrolled through his messages and read Tal's.

Tal

Sorry Ji – didn't mean to ditch you but I did really need to stick to my plan. Plus the restaurant was slightly behind in orders so I didn't have much time to cram. Sent 15:49 PM

Don't buy anything at the 7-11 – I grabbed bibim guksu to go for you. Don't Venmo me – it's the least I can do for you being an awesome roomie. Sent 15:53 PM

Thank whatever being up there for Tal...

############

Jimin rolled his wrist a few times before picking up his pen to continue adding more to his essay during the essay portion of the exam. He scribbled a few descriptive sentences that indicated the image shown on the screen was a prime example of Gothic architecture in Europe. He flipped back to the multiple choice pages of the exam and skimmed his answers one last time before concluding he was confident in his responses. He closed the exam and his essay reply book and rose from his seat to turn in everything.

Namseon was crossing something out in his essay a bit furiously and Jimin wondered if it had to do with not knowing the exam content, or because he ran into the guy from the party last night at the library.

According to Tal, when he got back last night, the guy's name was Hiro and he was a transfer student from Japan. Jimin had described the incident at Namseon's stupid party between bites of noodles and Tal realized that the guy's description matched Hiro.

"We're in Korean History together," Tal shared. "Even though he's from Japan, he said he's actually Korean, but his dad married a Japanese lady, hence his name. What's Namseon's issue with the guy anyway?"

"Apparently he's the self-appointed hookup police and hates anyone who comes in and makes out with people at parties," Jimin deadpanned after wiping his mouth with his napkin. "For the record, I don't care about this guy or what he does. Also, Namseon's not my friend."

"Was gonna say," Tal trailed off. "Yeah Hiro's nice, maybe a little overly formal with the bowing to thank everyone, but he implied that his stepmom was making her kids be all formal and shit. I don't know him super well, but yeah he's not a bad guy. Maybe Namseon's just confused because of a potential language barrier. He sometimes talks slower to me like I'm stupid."

Jimin yawned and stretched his arms out as he walked back to his dorm, planning to change into his gym clothes and workout for a bit. Tal was gone all next week, which meant he had the room all to himself. He could go home and visit his aunt and uncle, but right now he wanted to take his mind off of everything and focus on doing some lifting and running.

############

He was surprised someone was at the door when he returned from his workout.

"Oh hyung, this is your room?" Hiro asked as Jimin approached him. "I was trying to return an X-acto knife to Tal – he was nice to loan me his for a project while I was waiting for the one I ordered to ship."

Jimin flashed the young man a polite smile and nodded as he produced his keys to unlock the door. He removed his sneakers at the door and placed them on the rack by the door. With a free hand, he held the door open for Hiro and said he was welcome to come in.

"Sorry, Tal's already on spring break," Jimin apologized. "You can leave the X-acto on his desk and I'll let him know you stopped by." He pointed to the desk in question and closed the door behind Hiro. He fished out his phone and quickly shot a text to Tal to let him know that Hiro stopped by to give him his knife back.

Hiro placed the case with the knife on Tal's desk and shoved his hands into his pockets. "So you're his roommate?"

"Yes, I'm Ahn Jimin, Engineering and Computer Science," Jimin responded as he extended his hands. "He said yours is Hiro, right?"

Hiro accepted Jimin's hands in his and shook them. "Yes, Park Hiro – I'm studying Graphic Design." He dropped his hands and paused when his phone buzzed in his hoodie pocket. He removed it and winced as he looked at the screen.

"I'm sorry hyung, I need to run, but it was nice meeting you!" Hiro said as he made a beeline for the door.

############

Not many students chose stay behind on campus during spring break. Jimin didn't have any plans, save for getting ahead on his thesis and trying to get back into a routine with sleep, eating, and exercise. Exam periods really fucked with his schedule; he wasn't a gym rat, but it was nice to get away from classes and his laptop screen to focus on lifting weights or running mindlessly on the treadmill. Namseon was thankfully away on vacation, which meant Jimin could have a rare week plus some days without the chaebol breathing down his neck.

It was Saturday morning when Jimin was returning from the gym when he heard someone calling his name from behind. He whipped his head over his shoulder and saw it was Hiro jogging over to him.

"I'm sorry for dashing off earlier! It was my sister calling," Hiro explained once he caught up. "Oh are you headed to work out – I won't keep you!"

"No I'm done, I'm going back to shower and think about breakfast," Jimin replied. "Don't apologize – take the calls when you can. I don't talk a lot to my sister because it's too expensive and reception sometimes isn't great."

Hiro tilted his head and Jimin explained that he too had a sister. "She's in Africa helping kids. It's something she's wanted to do since we were in school. What about your sister? Does she work or go to school?"

"She works for our stepmother," Hiro shared. "I think she wants my sister to take over the business someday. She's a CEO of a luxury and professionals transportation options like private cars and limo buses." He paused and remembered Jimin mentioned breakfast. "Is it okay if I join you? I haven't had breakfast yet either."

Jimin nodded and explained he was going to head back to his place and shower first.

"Is it okay if I hang out and wait for you? I'm sorry if that's rude, but my roommate's a slob and he has a girl over now," Hiro rambled.

"He didn't give you notice?"

"No he's pretty hung over from last night. He does this all the time," Hiro groaned.

The pair walked back to Jimin's dorm and Jimin unlocked the door. Sneakers were left at the door and he gestured to the reclining chairs in front of the TV for Hiro to sit and wait for him.

Hiro sank down in one of the chairs and looked around the dorm room curiously. It was cleaner than his place and he liked that Tal decorated his side with artworks of schematics for various items like cameras and cars, while Jimin's included some pictures of family and friends.

"I never did thank you, Jimin-hyung, for being so nice to me at the party," Hiro called out.

Jimin stuck his head out from the bathroom and shot him a confused look.

"The water and the warning about the beer quality," Hiro clarified. "Also you've been so nice to me when we've run into each other, even though I'm probably bothering you. I think Namseon-hyung looked unhappy the other night when I stopped him to say thanks."

"Eh he was making me review some information last minute, but he was probably going to fail the exam anyways. You didn't hear that from me," Jimin replied.

Hiro blinked in surprise and slowly stood up from his seat. "I thought he was your friend?"

"No, he only talks to me because I know the material," Jimin explained through the closed door. "He's taking the class as the Art requirement and thought it was easier than Intro to Pottery or Intro to Photography. Most of the time he's complaining about his small problems and wants my help with the assignments or understanding the content. The only reason I was invited to the party was because he thinks it's a good thank you for saving his ass all the time in class."

Hiro fell silent as he processed this bit of information. It did make some sense, seeing as he didn't think Namseon had much in common with the Engineering/Computer Science double major. He walked closer to the bathroom door and paused a few feet from the entrance. He heard Jimin turn the water off and he twiddled with his fingers.

"What did you want to eat? I hope I don't sound like a cheapskate, but please don't suggest something Michelin starred that is pricey," Jimin called out. "I don't have the clothes for that kind of place and I'm trying to save money for my aunt and uncle."

"Hyung, are they okay? Your parents can't help them?" Hiro asked, looking a bit worried.

"My dad abandoned me and my sister at my aunt and uncle's house," Jimin sighed. "Mom died giving birth to me. We're not poor, but I'd say we're middle or working middle class. I'm trying to be considerate and not spend a lot of money when they're helping with some of the costs for college." He stuck his head out and shot Hiro a sheepish look. "I'm sorry, can I ask you to grab me some underwear from the top drawer? I forgot to grab a clean pair before I came in here."

Hiro nodded and quickly made his way over to the dresser. He used one hand to steady the top of the dresser and the other to open the drawer. His eyes scanned the rows of undershirts, socks, and landed on the underwear piles neatly stacked inside the drawer. He retrieved a black pair from the pile and blinked when he noticed the size on them.

"Hyung, these don't look like the right size, if you don't mind me saying," Hiro murmured as he handed over the underwear.

Jimin made a face and shook his head. "Contrary to not being a tall or big guy, I need to go up a size. I think you can figure out the rest." Before he could close the door, Hiro placed a hand on it and tilted his head.

"You're joking, right hyung?"

Jimin shot him a deadpan look and sighed. "I wish I was joking, but I've had this problem since puberty. I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about it. It's kind of embarrassing."

Hiro flashed him a thumbs up and murmured that he'd let the elder get changed.

############

Days later, Jimin heard someone knocking at the door and he frowned as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. He threw back the covers and walked over to the door to see who it was.

"Good *yawn* morning Hiro," Jimin murmured. He used a hand to cover his yawn and he frowned slightly. "It's a bit early – something wrong?"

Hiro swallowed hard and rubbed the back of his neck. How did he want to go about this? Sure he wanted to thank the elder for being decent and not actually assuming he was something he wasn't, but there was something about Jimin with the eyes and surprising facts that made him curious.

"I wanted to tell you that Yena-noona kissed me at the party, not the other way around," Hiro said as he shoved his hands into his pockets. "I heard people talking, but I wanted to let you know that I didn't want the kiss. She was trying to find someone hot to kiss to make her boyfriend jealous and I happened to be walking by."

Jimin paused and rolled his eyes. "I really don't give a fuck who you or Yena kisses. It's your choice, right? Although, I'm sorry she did that to you. Did you tell her that you didn't feel the same?"

"I need to to do that," Hiro mumbled. "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you up. I kind of thought you'd be up or back from the gym. I mean, I noticed you're trying to do the gym in the morning before breakfast. I swear I'm not stalking you or anything, but I think it's cool that you're so dedicated hyung."

The elder covered his mouth to stifle another yawn and he murmured it was no big deal. "I should get up now and not sleep the day away. You still having problems with your roommate again? If he's being inconsiderate, try telling the Housing office. They might be able to find you someone else to room with."

Hiro waved his hand to the side slightly and Jimin stepped to the side to let the young man in.

"I wanted to ask you if it's bad that I want to report my roommate to Housing for typecasting me," Hiro said once the door was closed behind him. "I'm pretty sure he requested a Japanese roommate because he asks me about Pokemon, sake, and samurai culture. It's really annoying because, well, I'm not really Japanese. I am Korean – my mom was Korean and my stepmother's Japanese. Like you, my mom died giving birth to me. My dad remarried and we had to move to Japan because that's where my stepmother works."

"You could share your concerns," Jimin mused. "Technically he's not allowed to ask for a specific roommate or type of roommate in terms of cultural background, but it sounds like his scope of Japan is very narrow. If I'm being honest, I was a little nervous to get someone who was only here to stalk K-drama actors, but Tal's sound and he seems interested in all of the aspects of the culture. He stretched his arms up, exposing the lower section of his abdomen and Hiro blinked when he saw the muscles.

The younger male looked around the dorm room and swallowed the lump in his throat. "Also...I'm sorry if this is very forward and maybe a bit rude, but I kind of wanna blow you hyung. I don't know how to explain it, but um, you're kind of a mystery to me and I find myself wanting to know more." He felt his face getting red and he rambled that their dialogue the last time got him thinking. "You probably have some great girlfriend already and I don't wanna make you feel weird, but –"

"Wait, either I'm really tired and not fully awake, or you just said you wanna...blow me?" Jimin asked with a confused look. "I don't know how I feel honestly. I mean, I did date a girl, but we broke it off before I started college. She was kind of snappish and I think it ended due to a big misunderstanding."

It was Hiro's turn to look confused and he added that his hyung seemed to have his life together for the most part. "Wait, was she also Korean?"

"Actually I don't know," Jimin sighed. "She had family in the armed forces and they moved all the time. My aunt became friends with her and I think we agreed to date to make my aunt happy. But towards the end of the relationship, she got it in her head that she thought I wanted a blowjob and that's not what I wanted. Long story short, she almost choked on the monster and I don't wanna traumatize anyone again. Actually, I've been single since the break-up and I'm not sure how I feel about dating anyone anymore."

Hiro snickered and he zeroed in on Jimin's shorts. "You call it the monster?"

############

Maybe this is some bizarre, alternate universe dream he's having. Jimin's not against same-sex couples but he's never really looked at guys in that way. He's not against girls, but maybe he'll chalk the nightmare with the last girlfriend to the main reason why he's been so adverse to letting someone get close to him.

But for some reason, he's agreed to let Hiro take a look at the monster for himself. Maybe the sight will make the young man take him seriously and see that 7.5" is nothing to joke about.

Hiro sank to his knees once Jimin freed his dick from his shorts and boxers. Oho, hyung wasn't kidding – it was huge.

"You weren't kidding hyung," Hiro murmured in a hushed tone. "So how bad was your ex's blowjob?"

"She choked trying to fit me beyond the tip," Jimin muttered a bit sleepily. "Also her teeth came close to scraping up the sides and she had – yah!"

His sleepy eyes opened as he felt something rough brush against the slit and he reluctantly looked down to see Hiro leaning forward, tongue flicking at the slit. He used a hand to stop Hiro and he looked the younger male in the eyes.

"I didn't pull my pants down for you to try to hurt yourself," Jimin uttered. "I thought you wanted to see so you could stop thinking I'm weird for buying a bigger pair of underwear."

"She didn't cover her teeth – that's the problem you had," Hiro replied with a thoughtful look. "Also I don't think she started slow – it's not always the best idea to go in all at once." He met the elder's eyes and pouted slightly. "C'mon hyung. You've had a long, stressful week of midterms – let me help you. You were so nice to me, so why not let me pay you back a little?"

"Normal people buy others a meal, versus blowing someone they've known for a little over a week in their dorm room," Jimin sighed. "Look, I'm flattered, but maybe you should ask someone else."

"Can we make a deal?"

"What?"

"You go in with an open mind and if you don't like it or I'm struggling, we stop," Hiro offered. "If you want, you can pretend I'm some girl you really like or wanted to date."

"I wouldn't go that far – no girl wants to deal with this. Correction, no person wants to deal with this," Jimin responded with a shake of his head. "Forget blowjobs, I'm afraid I'll rip someone apart!"

"You didn't answer my deal," Hiro reminded him.

"I'm hesitantly saying yes, but I really don't think this is a good idea dongsaeng," Jimin said. "If you end up in the hospital, there's no way I can afford a lawyer to defend myself against your family."

"Tsk, I'm not going to sue you," Hiro snorted as he leaned forward again and resumed licking the tip. He paused as he used one hand to gently guide Jimin's dick closer to his lips. "By the way, I'm one person who wants to deal with this. Maybe someone else out there will too."

He wet his lips and took the tip slowly into his mouth, gradually a little more until he felt the tip hit the back of his throat. Anything else he couldn't cover with his mouth he used his hands to massage and rub.

The older boy felt his eyes fluttering shut as his dick was slowly swallowed inside the younger male's mouth. No canines or teeth like his ex, just something warm and wet around his dick. Was this what it was supposed to feel like? His mind struggled to process the situation – here he was, in his university dorm room with a guy he met a little over a week ago, someone he had zero romantic interest in (and vice versa), and he was allowing this guy to blow him. If his ex had known what to do, would he have enjoyed it back then? Right now, he was lost.

In a mix of curse words in English and Korean, the thought hit Jimin at last: What did he want? Why did this feel good but yet so...

[superheroes-diary]

I need to get worse

I need to get so much worse that people start to worry about me

I am going mental and just read my bf's texts with a girl he had a thing with before we started dating and she told him she stopped eating and he felt so sorry and comforted her

Meanwhile when I'm in a mental breakdown and self harming in the room next to his and cry on my bed right next to him he doesn't even look my way

I need to get so bad people start worrying about me please let me have this at least fucking once in my life

I need to feel valid I need to feel like somebody cares about me even if I don't

I've been picking myself up from absolute shit my whole life and I'm tired

I need somebody to care.....

[lexivass]

.

[baphofemme]

threw my razors out

[snowe-zolynn-rogers]

New Moon, trying on a dress: Hey, Dads?

Halo: Yes, child?

Horizon: Yes, Moon?

New Moon: Do I look stupid? I feel pretty but am I dumb? Is something wrong with me for liking dresses and feminine stuff?

Halo: There is nothing wrong with you.

Horizon: Is this about that woman calling you a slur earlier?

New Moon: Yeah…

Horizon: She’s not worth the space in your thoughts. If you are indeed discovering about yourself that you do not identify as male, there is still nothing wrong with you.

New Moon: And if I want to be a girl?

Halo: You are still loved and accepted, nothing is wrong with you. She is factually incorrect. You are a perfect person. You are smart, kind, pretty, and much more important that she will ever be.

[smol-sirens-garden]

I am definitely not doing so hot today. Every time I think I am cheering up or feeling better something else happens and maybe I am reading too much into some little things but that's just my mental state right now.

For context because last night all I said was bad news. I found out a friend from high school passed away. I am dealing with both grief and guilt from it because I hadn't talked to her in 10 years. I knew she was sick ad dying and I still didn't reach out so she probably died without understanding why I cut contact and it was nothing against her because she was the sweetest person. I just had a trauma response as a result of her brother.

More context: I was at a sleepover for her birthday and we were going to go to the mall the next day and had ride tickets there. SO we are looking at dinner and something small said set her brother off and he physically attacked her. It was so sudden and with me right there I got scared and didn't know what would happen next but despite my uncomfort for some reason going to my house instead was not an option. SO the rest of the night I was anxious and didn't really sleep. I was anxious the next day too and we ended up forgetting the ride tickets and just exploring. I found myself distancing and having panic attacks if we drove past her neighborhood. I probably shouldn't have had a strong reaction like that or taken it out on her but I was so timid.

In the end I blocked eventually and didn't reach out despite her wanting to because someone did reach out on her behalf to me once and I ignored that too and looking back I feel so bad because she didn't deserve it. I am really struggling with this death more than I thought I would.

It also doesn't help that I just went to another celebration of life for someone who kinda helped raise me so to speak (He was basically a family friend from the legion I knew my entire life) and am questioning the hell out of my relationship lately.

I just have not been happy.

[steadypet101]

CW/TW: Loss of family member mention, c**cer mention, de*th mentioned, self doubt, and long post

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"The Drake's Mother's Day memorial"

The family of three take a time of remembering of their wife and mother, Nancy Drake. Before her death, she was a fun-loving, free-spirited, and kind person who wanted to change the world with kindness. It has been three years since she died from cancer. But her family can't let her legacy and spirit die, for they know that she is always with them no matter what.

History:

Nancy Williams was born in New York City. She first met her husband Ned when they were in college. Soon, they got married and had two daughters together. She was once a most promising employee at the TCRI and a loyal partner to Cynthia Utrom. They work together and they work on science together. While Nancy wanted to work with science for good, she had no idea that her boss wanted to work on science to create mutant armies and for evil.

One day, Utrom overheard Nancy that she was planning to have another baby. A second sibling for her first child, Susie, to bond with. Utrom, who has a top secret experimental fertilized egg she has been working on and wanted to test on it on a human being, reaches out to her trusted employee and informs her that she is willing to help her to go out with another healthy pregnancy by being part of the IVF program. She lied to Nancy by saying that many women came up to her and asked for her help when they couldn't conceive babies of their own. Nancy believes her, and she and her husband have agreed to let Utrom do her work. The process was a success. Nine months later, they have a second daughter, Tiffy. No one in the family knew she had telekinetic and mental abilities until she was at least 6 years old. It was from that moment on that they believed that she was blessed with a gift, not knowing she was a weapon for Utrom and a pawn for her own army.

11 years later, after the death of former employer Baxter Stockman, Nancy overlooked and overheard what Utrom's plans about mutating animals and re-engineering their genetics to create an army of mutants and Tiffy was her main goal to create mutant children as weaponry. Nancy confronts her boss about this, telling her that this was not their work. Utrom then threatened her not to speak any of this to anyone, not even her detective husband. Angry, Nancy wants no part to any of this and out of the work. Before she left the building, she took all the file evidence and took lots of photos to show proof to the news media and to the police of what Utrom was doing. Utrom, who already saw Nancy from the surveillance cameras, did the most despicable thing; she shot her now, formerly trusted employer with a small dart on the back of her head with a chemical that has enough radiation to give her a brain tumor. Feeling dizzy, Nancy passes out and collapses, and Utrom calls the ambulance to rush her to the hospital, claiming that she had passed out for no reason while destroying all evidence that traces back to her. Waking up from the hospital, Nancy had no memory of what she saw and heard from her former boss and what she was planning to do with the mutant army, but all she knew was that she needed to protect her family from her. She has not returned back to her old job since and wanted to become a stay-at-home mom.

A couple of months later, after Tiffy's 12th birthday, Nancy suddenly got sick and became ill, and the family was all worried about her. They went to the hospital to figure out what's going on, and the doctors confirmed that Nancy had an unidentified brain tumor inside of the back of her brain. She has gone through chemo therapies, but she's not showing any signs of getting better, and it concerns her, the rest of her family, and hospital staff. They were all saddened when they were told by the staff that Nancy had a few months to live. The Drake family spend their final moments with her before she stays at the hospital due to her brain tumor quickly spreading and feeling more weak and sick. Before she passes away, she told her husband, two daughters, and the rest of their family members that she loves them all very much and everything will be okay as they knew when she passes on, she's no longer suffering and will be with God as they're a Christian family. She died in her deathbed a few days later. The funeral was made for her a week later, and the Drake family became even closer than ever. Even though they have no idea what kind of brain tumor that killed Nancy, all they know is that she's at peace.

Tiffy has more guilt than anyone could have known. She believes that it was all her fault that her mother had cancer and died. She knew she was special, but she thought that was the reason her mother was gone. She blamed herself for being born for three years, and her family helped and reminded her that it wasn't her fault. But later, she realized that none of this was her fault for she would soon discover that she was born her extraordinary powers for a reason. She will help with the Ninja Turtles, April, her sister, and her two friends to stop Utrom from her evil plans and to make sure no animal or humans will be weaponized. She will avenged her beloved mother.

To celebrate Mother's Day without Nancy, Ned has a Virgil and prayers for his late wife with his two daughters by his side. They would make Mother's Day poems and letter for her and remind her how much she means the world to them. The three have missed her dearly every day. Ned would cook himself and the girls a special family dinner to celebrate her life and for Mother's Day, knowing that Nancy will always be there with them.

Sorry if none of this story makes any sense. I hope y'all like this.

[how-gross]

July 25, 2023 — 7:01pm

Rlly wanna tell my therapist how for the past year and maybe the years before that, I have not felt actually happy even when doing exciting, fun stuff with my friends and family. Like I feel like I don’t feel actually alive, not at all, instead I feel as though I’m just going through the motions, not genuinely expediting anything with hope or joy but just the feeling that I have to.

Like, during those times, such as my trip to Puerto Rico, or my trip last year to Schlitterbahn Water Park, the little hangouts I would go to with my friends or when I hang out with my friends— It actually feels like I don’t feel anything, and it feels like I’m faking my happiness.

And it’s not just that but I feel as though nobody will ever truly and genuinely try to help me, it just feels as though they would only help me to benefit themselves and they don’t actually care about me. It’s hard for me to believe anyone actually cares about me. It feels like can’t trust anyone to truly be there for me, I can’t believe anyone when they say they’re there for me and they truly care for me without believing they have ulterior motives. I can’t cry to my mom about these things because she’ll think I’m different from her perfect little girl and she’ll think I have to go to a mental hospital (at this point who knows) and the most she’ll do to help is claim I need to pray to God and ask him to take it away, and my dad won’t do shit because he’s a deadbeat asshat who complains when I ask him to help with school (even though he barely does anything; which is why I don’t ask him for stuff).

But don’t know how to explain that to her without her thinking I’m faking or thinking it’s extreme enough to send me to a mental hospital— idk man I’m scared.

[chrissturnsfav]

Following the anon i sent so I was thinking that singer!reader has always struggled with loving her like thighs and stomach or smt but hear me out if you’re comfortable with it maybe some mentions of self harm like

A scenario

So reader and Chris are laying in bed cuddling or some shit and he’s like tracing his fingers up and don on her thighs and he notices her scars orrr

They’re laying and he compliments her and she goes on a rampage of how she’s not and how ugly her stomach is or smt

⋆.˚✮ rapper!chris knows how to make singer!reader feel pretty

tw: mentions of body image issues

you're sat on the edge of the couch in chris' big living room, scrolling through photos on your phone. your gaze lingers a little too long on a paparazzi picture of yourself from last weekend, your legs prominently featured. a familiar wave of self-doubt washes over you, and before you can stop yourself, you mutter under your breath, "fuck, my thighs look huge."

chris, who’s been freestyling under his breath while jotting down lyrics in his notebook across the couch, freezes mid-bar. his head snaps up, and his eyes narrow, like he can’t believe what he just heard.

"hold up, what'd you say ma?"

you glance at him, trying to play it off. "nothing, forget it," you mumble wearily as you shake your head.

"nah, nah, we ain't doin' that." he gets up, his notebook abandoned on the coffee table, and strides over to you. "what’s this bullshit 'bout your thighs?”

you sigh, trying to avoid his gaze, but chris crouches down in front of you, his icy blue eyes locking onto yours.

"they’re just... big," you mumble. "like, bigger than they should be."

chris scoffs like you just insulted his entire existence. "bigger than they should be? mama, stop fuckin' wit me right now."

you try to laugh, but it’s weak. "i’m serious, chris. i see all these girls online with these slim legs, and then there’s me. i just feel...i dunno...out of place, i guess."

he sits beside you, shaking his head, still looking like he’s offended on your thighs’ behalf. "you’re trippin'. hard. have y'seen yourself? like, really looked at y'self? 'cause if y'did," he says, reaching out to lightly squeeze one of your thighs, "you’d know your thighs are perfect. thick, pretty, sexy as hell—are you serious?"

your cheeks heat up, and you roll your eyes, but he’s just getting started.

"y'know what your thighs say to me?” he continues and smirks a bit, leaning in. "they tell me you're perfect, tell me y'got the full package. tell me you’re built like a model, and that i’d be a dumbass not to appreciate you."

you can’t help but laugh at his over-the-top delivery, and he grins, knowing he’s getting through to you as he brushes his fingers lightly over the smooth skin on your thigh.

"listen baby," he starts, using his free hand to gently cup your jaw and turn your face to his, "i know the world tries to tell girls all this bullshit 'bout what they’re supposed to look like, but lemme tell you sum'n real: you are it for me. all o'you. those thighs you’re trippin' over? they’re one of my favorite things 'bout you."

he moves his hand down to your knee, his thumb drawing little circles. "so stop comparin' yourself to edited pictures on the internet, aight? you’re real, 'n you’re beautiful, 'n if anyone’s got a problem wit' that, they can see me 'bout it."

your chest feels lighter, the weight of insecurity lifting under his unwavering gaze and heartfelt words. you smile, finally meeting his eyes.

"okay," you whisper.

"okay?" he teases. "that’s it? after i jus' dropped the most fire compliments of all time?"

you laugh again, swatting his arm. "thank you, chris. really."

"'course," he says, pressing a sweet kiss to your forehead. "now stop geekin', i gotta go write a verse 'bout how my girl’s got the finest thighs in the game."

you roll your eyes, but your smile lingers long after he’s returned to his notebook on the other side of the couch.

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲: i'm not comfortable writing about self harm, so i hope this was good!

thank you for reading!! <3

tags: @sturnobsessedwh0re , @idrk2292 , @mattsbrat , @ribbonlovergirl , @swagalicious260 , @sturnhyyhblog , @matthewsroses , @mattsdemi , @emely9274 , @frankoceanfanpage , @ifwdominicfike , @marrykisskilled , @strnilolover , @cayleeuhithinknott

@chrissturnsfav ™

[oflostinfound]

For Hax Sadderday!

Do you really think you'll make a good parent? I doubt you can count being around Eath as experience in that regard.

No, you're going to crash and burn and if the child survives, they're going to come out more fucked up than you.

It had been something that'd been eating away at them for awhile. Thoughts like those. Their own parents were... they said it was tough love but deep down they knew better, knew how it fucked them up later down the lines. How they'd still have nightmares, moments of panic when someone they loved raised their voice or a hand at them.

The strangers words hit deep to their core and their normally proud and confident persona seems to shatter.

|| 💛 ||: ❝ I- I can try to... I could try to be a good parent, I would try to but- ❞

Their hands are shaking and their posture shifts. More defensive, scared, panicked.

Why did they think they could do this? Be a parent- a good parent. They were already so messed up, so damaged, of course they would fail. Of course they would do nothing but hurt this child, and innocent life they foolishly thought they could take care of.

Tears well in their eyes, and their heart pounds in their chest as they try to breathe,

|| 💛 ||: ❝ I can't-- I can't do this. I can't do this I- ❞

Their stomach turns, and a hand slaps over their mouth before they find the nearest trashcan and empty the contents of their stomach.