#Guilt TW
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Text
Half of all ‘activist’ posts on tumblr are just:
“‼️⚠️Stop whatever it is you’re doing and fucking listen! If you don’t read this and do exactly what I say the world will be irreparably ruined. Everything and everyone you love will be gone!⚠️‼️”
*Proceeds to describe a US-only problem*
“If you ignore this post you’re a terrible person who deserves to die! You have to do exactly what I tell you and you have to do it quick or we’re all doomed and it’ll be your fault!!”
*provides a change.org survey only available to US americans*
#maria talks about things#tumblr#activism#tw death#death cw#unreality#politics#us centrism#guilt tripping#guilt tw
140 notes
·
View notes
Text
How is this even happening?
What am I doing?
I love the idea of self-destructive behavior and the one person I want…
Embodies that.
#bpd#actually bpd#mental health awareness#bpd feels#bpd mood#mental illness#mental health#emptiness#mentally exhausted#shameless#guilt tw#tw sh destructive behaviour#i need sleep#need you#bpd love#fp bpd#bpd vent#bpd thoughts#bpd splitting#bpd problems#self destructive behavior#bpd stuff#bpd fp#bpd culture is
18 notes
·
View notes
Text
(¸.• ♛ → she cleaned quickly herself, the last thing she wanted abigail to see was blood all over her but she did what she had to do, she didn't want to die because she was scared of that, she couldn't help it. "abi..." she called her when she found her, so happy to see her alive and safe. "are you okay? are you safe? i was trying to look for you, i was so worried." but she didn't want to lie to her either and she feels guilty for the first time in her life when it comes about killing someone not for him but for doing this when she was trying so hard to be different.
random starter for @vcndetta (abigail)
27 notes
·
View notes
Text
Always Kid, Always
Or: I rewrote Pat’s death scene
This is pretty heavy, so mind the warnings and read at your own risk!
Thanks to @snaillamp for helping with medical things. They’ve got an ask Enjar game going on, go check them out!
cw: major character death, graphic depictions of mortal injuries, blood, brief mentions of other bodily fluids (vomit, urine), medical treatment, institutional indifference to human life, emotional whump, hurt no comfort, grief, guilt, Dead Dove Do Not Eat
Pat has been condemned.
The human capital council voted 3-2 to deploy her, along with the rest of Turquoise. He and Henle had gone up on the stand, two years worth of medical records with him, and told them in no uncertain terms that this will likely kill her. Her powers are tearing her body apart. It’s not just her nerves anymore, it's her blood vessels and internal organs and muscles and bones. Any use of her powers could be her last.
They agree with them. They say it’s dangerous for her. They also say that this villian, whatever the fuck his name is, is more dangerous “For everyone,” they say. It’s bullshit. They have other heroes. Heroes that won’t die. Heroes that can’t die.
The mission is stupid and dangerous and everybody knows that. It doesn’t matter. It’s for the greater good.
Joseph, though he hates it, though he knows it’s selfish, can’t help but think “fuck the greater good.”
He doesn’t hunt down any of the council members. He doesn’t slam them against the wall and yell at them until he’s red in the face because it won’t change anything.
Pat has been condemned.
***
The locker room is utterly depressing
The normal banter is gone, replaced by oppressive silence. Everyone suits up slowly, painfully, speaking only to ask “can you zip me up?” or “can you buckle this for me?” His medic patch feels more obtrusive then normal, like an annoying itch that won’t go away. The already heavy bag feels crushing.
Pat’s hair is done up like it normally is, tightly pulled back in two french braids so it will t under the helmet. As she laces up her boots, he can see the black and orange compression socks she’s wearing underneath.
She catches him looking and smiles, the corners of her green eyes crinkling.
He tries not to puke. It’s awful.
The helipad is worse. They’re up high, the city spread out around them, as they wait for their ride. Pat stands next to him, chewing on her lip. He turns to her.
“If you don’t want to go inside, we’ll find another way. I’ll take the heat. Martin’ll take the heat. Henle’ll take the heat. We will keep this off you.”
She dips her head. “It’s okay. They picked me for a reason. This dude? What he made? It’ll kill you.” Her eyes glimmer with tears. “I can’t let that happen.”
He could say the same.
“We can abort. I will fight for you on this, Pat. All of us will.”
“No.” She shakes her head. “He’s dangerous. For everyone. I signed up for this. I knew what I was getting into.” The helicopter roars overhead. “It’s for the greater good.”
It’s too loud, and they have to stop talking.
***
The villain’s base looms on the horizon. It’s boring looking, like some sort of factory or warehouse, but it's not.
Warehouses don’t have lasers.
The building is mostly empty, because even villains know that you should try to protect your employees from further harm. Per the plan, Pat charges straight into the heart of the compound, hands on fire, eyes glowing, and very tachycardic.
Even though they can’t see her, it’s obvious where she is. Just follow the violent thrum of energy and the rumbles reverberating through the floor. It shakes the whole building, rattling the windows. Pat is busting through door after door after door, but she’s getting there.
For a brief second, there’s a pause. Joseph thinks that maybe she’s made it.
Then, a violent shockwave shakes the building, nearly taking him off his feet.
That’s it. That’s the discharge that will kill her. The clock has started. She’s dying now.
He silences his com, ignoring Martin’s voice ordering them to leave the building, warning that it’s unstable, and goes deeper inside. Running as fast as he can, he traces Pat’s steps, following her path of destruction into the heart of the building.
She’s crumpled on the warehouse’s concrete floor, glass windows blown out around her, lying in a rapidly growing pool of blood. “Pat!” He yells as he approaches, looking her over.
He sees a steady stream of blood oozing out of her leg.
“Hey kid,” He says, kneeling down by her side. “Pat, c’mon.” He quickly ties a tourniquet around her mangled left leg, trying to stem the bleeding. She screams as he tightens the windlass and clips it in. He quickly searches for any more major bleeding, hands patting up and down her body while he calls for help. Helicopter. Here. Now.
He finds a jagged hole in her chest. Her sternum seems to be half gone, replaced by a deep pool of red. Fuck.
“Ex-exhale?” She whimpers, eyes wide with worry. Her face is clammy and her breathing is fast and she looks like she’s about to cry.
“Joseph. Call me Joseph, yeah?” he says, tearing open a package of gauze and jamming the contents into her chest. Her blood is warm as it coats his fingers, and it's awful.
The scream is even worse, loud and piercing and heartbreaking. “I know it hurts, just stay with me, yeah?” he says as he keeps packing, watching the gauze turn pink and then red as it’s saturated completely.
There is one thing in this world that can save her right now, and it’s a healer. If he can get her to the helicopter, then maybe she’ll make it. He digs out his IV kit and seizes her arm.
“I-I think I’m gonna..” She says, her breath catching.
“It’s okay, I gotcha,” he says. Her veins are too sunken back. There's no way he’s going to be able to get an IV in.
“I don’t wanna die," she hiccups. “Please, I don’t wanna die.”
His fingers press into her neck and find her pulse. It’s weak and thready. Her breathing is slowing down. She’s dying.
“I’ve got you,” he says, “I’m going to do everything I can to help you.” It’s a lie, because there's nothing he can do. She’s lost too much blood, and she’s bleeding out internally, and there's not a damn thing he can do about it.
“‘M sorry, Exha-Joseph.” Her voice wavers, and she starts to cry even harder. “Please, I don wanna go,” A gasp escapes her blue tinged lips.
He wraps his hand around hers, bloody blue nitrile intermingling with shaking and cold flesh. “It’s okay Pat, I know it’s scary.” He comfortingly squeezes her hand. “I’ll be here to help.”
She whimpers, and she looks up at Joseph again. Her eyes are pleading, and she looks so desperate to keep living. Another tear rolls down her cheek, and she gasps again. “ ‘m, sorry. ‘M so sorry, ‘oseph.”
“It’s okay, you’re amazing, kid.” Tears well in his eyes, and he lets them fall. They both know what’s about to happen. He takes her in his arms, maneuvering her shaking body onto his lap.
“ ‘m sorry I couldn’t be better.” Her words are barely audible, voice raspy. She heaves another breath in, body almost convulsing with the eort.
“You were great, Pat. I couldn’t have been more proud of you.” He smiles down at her as the tears fall freely.
“Thank you, ‘oseph,” she slurs, blinking very, very slowly.
“Always, kid, always,” he chokes out, watching her eyes slide close. Her pulse is still there, but only barely.
“I love you, Pat.” Her breaths are getting further and further apart.“From the moment I met you, I knew you were going to be amazing.” He squeezes her hand, one last time.
A horrid, horrid silence passes over everything. “I’ve gotcha’”
Her chest rises.
“Always, yeah? Fucking always.”
It falls.
It doesn't rise again.
She’s dead.
She’s fucking dead.
The tears come harder, and he lets them. He yells, loudly and painfully. Anger erupts in his mind.
Why her? Fucking why!
Her skin is gray, muscles too relaxed. She looks so…almost…alive. There's a warm feeling on his thigh, where her legs are resting.
She’s pissed on him.
Carefully, he sets her down, closing her lifeless eyes and bowing his head.
Everything hurts. His mind is screaming.
“Exhale to Guardian, Exhale to Guardian,” he says into his coms, half on fire, half numb.
“Guardian on, location and report,” Martin’s voice responds.
He’s quiet for a very long second. “Surge is dead.” He grits his teeth. “Repeat, Pat is dead.”
The words land like a jetliner plummeting out off the sky
Martin orders him to return. They disregard the helicopter.
Everything is very quiet.
It doesn’t feel real.
It is.
***
The ride back is even quieter than the ride there. Everyone sits together, heads held low.
Even breathing seems wrong.
Halfway there, it hits him. This is why INSUPA uniforms are black. To hide the blood of those they let die.
It’s soaked into the lower half of his uniform from kneeling and sitting in it. The piss stain is still drying too, but its not as noticeable. His gloves were so sopping wet that it got under his fingernails. The smell of iron stills burns his nostrils.
He has to look horrible.
The words play over and over again in his mind.
“Pat is dead.”
“Pat is dead.”
“Pat is dead.”
“Pat is dead.”
By the time they arrive at the centre, everyone is crying. No one tries to hide it. It doesn’t matter.
Pat is dead.
Pat is dead and it was preventable.
Pat is dead, and it is partially their fault.
But mostly, it’s his.
He bypasses the locker rooms and starts to march straight for the council's office. They’ll pay for this, he’ll make them. The patch is heavy on his shoulder.
“Joseph, no!” Henle yells at him.
He keeps walking.
They yank him back, pressing him against the wall. “I can’t let you do this.”
“They let her die, Henle, what you let me to do!” Everyone is looking at them. It doesn’t matter.
They lean in closer. “You’re smarter than this.”
“Henle..”
“You charging into that office and punching the teeth out of them will not change anything. Not for the better, anyway.” Their face is deadly serious, though their eyes are bloodshot from crying.
Joseph is silent for a moment. “She’s dead, Henle.” He breaks, fracturing into a million pieces. The tears are like a waterfall. “I sat there, and she was crying and apologizing.” He wipes his eyes. “She said she was sorry.”
Henle pulls him into a hug, and Joseph lets him, still sobbing violently. “She looked so sad. She begged to live. She thanked me.” His mouth gapes open. “This is my fault. If I hadn’t…If I hadn’t encouraged her to…fuck…if I hadn’t…” He slowly melts to the floor, hyperventilating.
They don’t let go. “Hey, shhh, breathe with me, yeah.”
Joseph tries his best, carefully watching their chest, trying to match its movements. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles.
“You’re okay.” They let go, and Joseph relaxes back into the wall. “How about we go get you cleaned up?”
He’s suddenly hyper aware of the dried blood itching his skin. He wants it off.
“Please, yeah.”
As he walks towards the locker rooms, he finds himself crying once again. The anger flares. It’s going to eat him forever.
She didn’t have to die.
She didn’t have to die.
She didn’t have to die.
Taglist: @pigeonwhumps @rainydaywhump @painful-pooch @rainbowsandwhumperflies
#worlds babbles#whump#major character death#injury whump#blood#medical whump#guilt tw#tw grief#medic caretaker#hurt no comfort#emotional whump#Joseph oc#Henle oc#Pat oc#yeah I’m sorry#Joseph “what’s scene safety” Schneider#have some pain#I hope it makes you cry in the toilet like I did#😭😭😭
26 notes
·
View notes
Text
closed event starter for kikyo & tifa !! @vcndetta
"kikyo?" the girl called out; her eyes shining with tears- after what she had done.. it was hard not to feel immense guilt.. the voice had been silenced- and her life no longer felt threatened- but how could she live with this.. all these questions raced in her head, but for now she tried her best to focus on the fact- that she- kikyo was okay. "-i'm so glad you're okay- you're okay right?" she asked; wiping at the stray tear she couldn't keep from falling.
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
Closed starter for @thetorturedmusesdept (Kida x Milo)
Kida's heart dropped at the sight in front of her. She hadn't gotten to him in time to protect him. He had protect her and she failed him. She felt it like a pit in her stomach at the sight of him laying there, dead. She ran to his side and dropped to her knees beside him. "Milo..." She placed her hands on his cheeks. "I am so sorry." She was really struggling to get the words out. She bent down and rested her forehead on his, wondering if there was a way that she could have prevented this, saved him.
She needed to get him home. Get him out of the streets and somewhere safe. If it was true what they said about this city he might wake up. Come back to her. But she still felt like she should have been able to do something to keep him from this pain. She was luckily strong and able to sort of carry him home. It was difficult, but she would do it, for him. Get him home and safe. It was the least she could do.
Finally she managed to get him home and laid him down on her bed. She didn't know what to do. She needed to help him but how could she. She took the crystal from her neck and went to heal the wound but there was no wound to heal. Still she placed it to his chest, sending out prayers to her gods, her parents to bring him back to her. She needed him. "Please come back to me, my love. I need you." She placed her hands on his cheeks, pressing a kiss to his lips. She wouldn't leave his side. Bringing a chair up beside the bed, sitting down on it to wait. Her crystal still on his chest. She didn't want to move it from him, in case it might help him. Eventually she did fall asleep, her head on the side of the bed beside him, while sat in the chair.
#long post tw#miloreply#miloxkidathread02#kida & interactions#murder mention tw#death tw#murder tw#injury tw#guilt tw
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
☆゚.*・ ◞ is that caroline forbes on bourbon street ? the eighteen / forty-nine year old vampire who stay in the the french quarter ? i heard they are married to klaus mikaaelson. they are notoriously known for being loyal & protective but also stubborn & dogmatic. which is probably why they are considered the damsel out of distress around town. i wonder if they had their tarot cards reading, yet? either way, the cards on the table will reveal their fate soon enough
stats !
full name: caroline forbes. nicknames: care. gender: cis woman. pronouns: she/her. sexuality: bisexual. spouse: klaus mikaelson children: josie & lizzie saltzman ( surrogate ), hope mikaelson ( step-child ), william, nikolas, & faith mikaelson ( biological ) traits: compassionate, overwrought, protective, reliable, devoted, & reticent. species: vampire. neighborhood: the french quarter occupation: administer at the mikaelson boarding school for the young and gifted. label: the damsel out of distress
lil bio ! ( death, guilt, and grieving tws below )
becoming a mother to josie and lizzie fundamentally changed caroline's life. after turning into a vampire she had been battling with the fact that motherhood was not in her future. not only was that not the case, her family would soon to grow bigger than she'd imagined when it had been just she and the girls. reconnecting with klaus and adding to her family was everything. as william, nikolas, and faith were born, caroline tried to balance the work she valued very much at the school, being a devoted wife and mother, and looking for some sort of loophole for the merge.
losing lizzie left caroline in shatters. guilt of not being able to save both her children from something so horrible weighed deeply within her. still she had to stay strong for the rest of her family. maybe she got a little overbearing after. checking in on her children a little more than normal, worry wormed into her heart and fear of losing another child ached. she couldn't help it.
as time passed caroline tried to heal, to rid herself of the pain in hopes to try and honor the living. her family helped, working helped, as long as she didn't lock herself away she could carry on, and she did. with her children grown and flying the nest caroline is tries not to overwhelm herself with work and her worries. making time for things that make her happy. she's going to live forever, life will throw things her way eventually and like always she'll fight like hell.
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
Whumptober 2023, Day 3 & 4: Solitary confinement, shock
Whumptober 2023 Masterlist
Read at your own risk! They're only snippets of a larger story, with no resolution that will be posted online anytime soon; they are being posted out of order; and the characters don't have names. Enjoy!
Contents: blood (barely), guilt, arrested, fear, angst (a lot—what else is new?)
Previous | Masterlist | Next
Word count: 600 || Approx reading time: 3 mins
Solitary Confinement
Teaser: There was no running, not for him. Not anymore.
"They'll kill me if I'm lucky / They'll torture me if not"
All the scholar could hear was his own rapid, fraying breath.
The panicked rasping.
The frantic gasp of each intake of air as he tried desperately to regain his senses.
Dead. He’s dead.
They’d thrown him inside, heedless of how his sight failed him and his feet stumbled and scrabbled beneath him. Now he lay motionless, tasting blood, pretending that this was all part of his plan. He didn’t move from where he’d fallen.
He’s dead, and I killed him.
He couldn’t move. He barely wanted to. The deed was done; the choice was made.
I’ll distract him, he’d promised.
He’d known what he was sacrificing when he walked into their midst.
Now. Run. Please.
There was no running, not for him. Not anymore.
The room was quiet, but it was distinctly unlike the soothing peace of the library where he had spent so many hours of his life. This—this was an ominous quiet, heavy with dread, slippery with promise. The promise—and memory—of death.
Leave him in there, they’d said, until the prince arrives.
The thud of a body striking rough stone rang in his ears. It was only once he was already prone—still reeling from the impact—that the scholar realized it had been his own weary, grief-stricken bones and his own torn skin scraping against the floor.
Let the prince decide what to do with the bastard.
The scholar’s wrists stung, unused to anything harsher than the silk of his shirtsleeves. He wore metal bands now, heavy and pinching and dark, suppressing what little magic he possessed—the only weapon, truly, he had to wield. Snuffed out, as much a prisoner as he.
Magic he’d used to kill a man.
Dead. The word repeated in his mind. The commander was dead, and soon, the scholar would be, too.
Quiet.
So quiet.
Too quiet.
He loved such stillness, usually—relished it. Most of the time, it meant solitude. Solace. The tender whispers of turning pages, muffled footsteps, and contented sighs.
Today, it meant something else:
Death.
He hadn’t meant to.
But he had.
I chose this.
He’d chosen her.
Soon the prince would arrive to decide his fate. He would know what his old tutor had done. He would pass judgment and, in all likelihood, sentence him to death.
I didn’t mean to.
The scholar had written the end of his own story, or rather, he had tried. He could never have imagined that this was where his life would lead him—to an empty, airless holding room, mere corridors from the dungeon cells that would no doubt become his tomb. And what for?
I did it for her.
If he closed his eyes, he could feel the ghost of her hands in his.
Don’t get hurt, she’d said. A promise he’d known—even as he agreed—he could not keep. He wondered what she would say if she could see him now. If she—more full of fight than he had ever been—would rage and rail to see him prostrate and shaking. Or if, instead, she would merely weep.
Get up, she would urge. Please.
The barest sliver of him wished his cruel, craven mind—soaked with pain and fear and shock and terror—would let him be, that his conscience would simply rest. He almost—almost—wished her voice would just stop.
But if it did, he would be left with the emptiness and silence of the room, and in a sea of fear and foreboding, he would drown.
If it did, the scholar knew, he would never again hear her voice, out loud or in his head, so when death came for him, he would be nothing more than a wretched husk of a man, despised and heartbroken and alone.
Previous | Masterlist | Next
#whumptober2023#no.3#no.4#solitary confinement#shock#oc#original content#fic#arrest tw#murder tw#guilt tw#blood tw#arrested#fear#angst#death mention#lps man of letters
17 notes
·
View notes
Text
Was that [RUBY CRUZ]? Oh no no, that was just [VI], a [CANON CHARACTER] from [ARCANE]. They are [TWENTY-FOUR] years old, use [SHE/THEY], and [ARE NOT] aware that they are not actually from Washington DC. Too bad they can’t stray from this city for long
Vi, was born as Violet, in the underground city of Zaun. She lived here with her parents and younger sister, Powder, up until the failed rebellion by members of the Undercity to establish independence from the 'Topside' city of Piltover
As they made their way through the aftermath of the failed revolt against Piltover, Vi and Powder come across Vander -one of the leaders of the uprising- and almost immediately after they see the bodies of their parents, having fallen in the fight against the Topside's Enforcers
Vander goes on to adopt the now orphaned sisters, and along with their also adopted brothers, Mylo and Claggor, they go on to form a new small family of their own. But as Vi grew older, so did her discontent with the growing inequity between the Undercity and the Topsiders, feeling that the latter were evil in their selfishness and exuberance. She grows to feel far less than the Topsiders and wants more for her sister than what they've currently been made to live with
One day, when she's about 15, Vi leads her siblings on an excursion into Piltover with the goal in mind to burglarize a lavish apartment noting that clearly no one on the top-side was going hungry
Unfortunately, the attempt ends with an explosion that set off a chain of events that Silco -a chem-baron producing and pushing a drug called 'shimmer' in the undercity- would take advantage of in order to finally get his revenge on Vander for having been betrayed by the man after their attempted rebellion failed
Silco uses an ambitious young enforcer, Marcus, to pressure Vander into giving himself up to Piltover in retribution for the explosion in order to save the kids. Before Sheriff Grayson and her team can take Vander topside though, Silco steps in with Deckard -a teenager mutated by shimmer- in order to kill her and her team, save Marcus, so he can take Vander himself
After learning that Silco has Vander from her young friend Ekko, Vi prepares to lead a rescue mission and asks that Powder stay behind, the idea of risking her sister too much to add to everything else. However, things take a turn real quick once Vi and the boys manage to get to Vander. Unbeknownst to any of them, Powder would proceed to follow after her siblings anyway, and in the chaos of the fight between Silco's goons and Deckard against VI, a bomb of Powder's design would go off. Mylo and Claggor would die in the aftermath. Vandor goes on to inject himself with shimmer in order to face off with Deckard -who Silco has sent in Vi's direction- but ultimately appears to sacrifice himself in order to save Vi from the collapsing building
Overwhelmed by the loss of the majority of her family, Vi is distraught to learn that the bomb that killed Mylo and Claggor was set off by Powder. Her anger and grief taking over, she proceeds to call her sister a jinx before striking her and running off. After a moment, realizing the massive mistake she's made, Vi turns back to see Silco approaching Powder but, before she can run back over, she's drugged and taken prisoner by Marcus
She spends the next seven years locked away at Stillwater prison, constantly battling with the guilt of having abandoned her sister that night and being in the dark as to what ultimately happened to Powder.
One day she's approached by the dismissed enforcer, Caitlyn Kiramman, who offers to find a way to get her out in exchange for help getting more evidence to help bring down Silco and his shimmer operation
Once out, Vi does in fact help Caitlyn, but her priority is in finding Powder and attempting to make things right by her. However, she comes to learn that in her absence her sister has now adopted the moniker of Jinx and willingly works for Silco -even seeing him as a father figure
She finds herself constantly conflicted between wanting to do everything she can to get her sister back, and helping Caitlyn get the evidence she needs in order to ensure Silco is taken down
This culminates in a final confrontation between the sisters, where a Jinx now fully affected by both her own mental illness and the effects of the shimmer that was used to save her life, takes extreme measures to try and eliminate the threat of Caitlyn who she feels has taken Vi away from her
During the confrontation, Jinx kills Silco and in the immediate aftermath cements her newfound identity as Jinx by using a hextech rocket of her own design to take aim at the Council of Piltover, as Vi and Caitlyn look in unable to do anything about it
In D.C. Vi is completely unaware of any of that though and she will remain unaware until, at the very least, the final season drops so she can be made aware of everything all at once
As far as she's concerned, her sister's name has always been Jinx, and they've never really spent more maybe a day apart. The blue-haired girl may be a tad eccentric and maybe a little too trigger-happy for Vi's liking, but she's never actually hurt anyone and Vi doesn't believe she ever would
Vi currently has her own place (though with how 'at home' she allows Jinx to get, one might be forgiven for thinking otherwise) and is working as a bouncer
Her wiki: https://leagueoflegends.fandom.com/wiki/Vi/Arcane
@strawbrryrush
#hw: intro#†vi zaun† intro#†intro†#death tw#conflict tw#explosion tw#violence tw#guilt tw#manipulation tw
2 notes
·
View notes
Note
𝚃𝚁𝚄𝚃𝙷 + do you blame yourself for Fu's death?
"I...I don't blame myself as much as I used to."
The first few months, almost full year, was horrible for Ling after arriving home. He was hit so suddenly and self-blame and guilt was something he carried with him heavily. He remembered how he wanted Lan Fan to blame him, even hate him, just so he could ignore how he was feeling. He was so tempted to ask her but he held back.
Even if he worked through it and was recovered from that dark period for the most part, he knew there was always going to be blame, even if it wasn't as intense as the beginning.
"But...yes. I do blame myself and I think I always will."
[Truth or Dare meme]
#Ling answers#ow#my heart#really the first few months were awful for him#death mention tw#self blame tw#guilt tw
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
holy shit, what is happening.
it’s all lost in the universe now,
and will not escape the black hole of my heart.
You live there now.
#bpd#actually bpd#mental health awareness#bpd feels#bpd mood#mental illness#mental health#emptiness#mentally exhausted#artists on tumblr#sleepy#sleep deprived moment#sadness#sad poetry#sad thoughts#tw self h4rm#tw self destructive thoughts#guilt tw#depression#emotions#chaos
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
𝔽𝕝𝕠𝕒𝕥𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕤𝕥𝕖𝕡𝕤 𝕗𝕣𝕒𝕘𝕞𝕖𝕟𝕥 #𝟙 𝔸 ℙ𝕆𝕆ℝ 𝔻𝔼𝕍𝕀𝕃
𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠 𓃬𓃠
Mastertag
AHJSOWNXOQNIXNQ I CANT BELIVE I'LL FINALLY WRITE ABOUT MY OWN CHARACTERS AAAAAAA
TY ALL MUTUALS AND PEOPLE TO INSPIRE ME TO DO THAT
THIS IS JUST A BLOOD LOSS WHUMP DRAFT,BUT WHO CARES AAAAAAA
pls tell me if you want to be tagged for more stuff like this idk
Word count: 1674
𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠
Warnings
;Suicide/suicide attempt
Blood loss
Torture hints/mentions
✨️Trauma,Of course
Mourning(????? Mild mourning???
Self hatred
Major character death :)
All warnings happen almost randomly,But not immediatly,Like— I gotta first explain and then the fuss happens you know
𓁹 𓁿 𓁹 𓁿 𓁹 𓁿𓁹 𓁿 𓁹 𓁿 𓁹 𓁿 𓁹
The dizzness was starting to became hard to ignore
Damm,It was expected,You cant lock yourself in the bathroom after accidentally torturing an innocent and then go free like nothing
Well,In her defense,Carmen did not knew that liam was innocent
Now she was the monster here,Isnt she? She had good meanings,The suspect's actions were too much to get ignored by the police Even if she was there,All by herself,She could still hearing her friend's cries that night....
She didnt know what happen in the woods until she saw wesley,Her best friend,Cover in a blanket while sitting in the border of an ambulance
They were shaking,All bloody.Carmen couldnt let the things like that!! Since childhood carmen was told she was 'way too impulsive' And why would they care?! She only did what was needed
Blood didnt stop coming as the yells didnt stopped. They wanted her to go out of the bathroom. Now.
Of course,The needed was to kidnap liam and torture them just like he did with wesley....
So one good day,She grab choloform and kidnap him in the middle of the night
How fun!,Guts,Blood,Burns,And a little syringue to make sure they dont pass out
The begs where even more satisfactory considering that,It was probabily how wesley beg in liam's hands,he deserve it!
What was not fun Was the call....
After being done with liam,And without any more ideas She decided to call wesley!,Yay!
Little problem,She did not tell wesley anything about her little plan ....Carmen was sure they would accept no matter what.
Or maybe she fogot it? In all the rage?
Staying awake was hard,Breathing was hard. She deserved it thought. They were always right and this wasnt the exception.
or Atleast thats why she throught
It didnt matter now
God,Wesley was mad.
So,So mad :(
And they had the right to be it! It was the wrong person!! Carmen is the heartless monster In here.....Atleast that was Wes said.....
"B-But I did it for.... you!"
"YOU'RE A MONSTER— I CANT BELIVE SOMEONE CAN BE THIS...TORTUROUS!"
God,And they used to be friends
Dear fucking God,It was truth....
Liam was aslo bleeding out,Atleast kind of
Carmen was so careless that she sewed up the wound with the first Thing she found,It wouldnt last forever
But the diference is that wesley was there for him
Such a backstabbed!,Or was she?
Did it care anyway?
Why was wesley yelling at her to get out?
Why did they wanted her alive?
Wesley was just there,Outside the bathroom,Trying to get who was once his friend out,For their own fucking sake
Liam was still there too,Watching quietly the blood stain the floor under the bathroom's door;All while squirming slighty In pain
The sedatives of the first aid kit did barely anything,Atleast he wasnt crying
Wesley was scared too,Goddamit,They were way too scared of anything that happen
Why the fuck did they told carmen about it? Knowing how she was?
It didnt matter now,They went mad and they know it.
They aslo knew that she was way too sensitive for reasons that they told eachother on countless outings to eat, walks, just being together
The worst part it was how close they were from eachother,And how that somewhat end in this absolute Mess
Now wesley has to cope with Not one,But two persons bleeding out.
Why do they always need to be so rude?
They felt way too guilty too
Guilty about the person in the couch who didnt hurt them,But everyone thought against it because they say "He look similar"
Well,They didnt know it was gonna end like this.
They didnt know how Mad carmen was for someone hurting them
How much Rage in order to find someone to blame
It wasnt till then that they noticed The stain that they relized it. All the restroom was quiet since they kick the door open to the basment And find their best friend torturing an innocent person,Liam They didnt think carmen could do this and yet? It was there Just there And the worst part its that All was Her fault,Thats what she thought. Carmen was alredy blood-stained when she run upstairs trying to hide from wesley,Who didnt stop yelling at her how much of an horrible person she was And in part,It was right,The problem is that She alredy knew that. She alredy knew that So when wesley saw the blood under the door,open the damm bathroom door, He wasnt ready. He had to leave liam just to... Just to see it? How one of the most important persons in his life was laying om a pool of her own blood.
Well,She regret it.
How do you deal with the thought that you're a monster who deserved to be put down?
Its not like somebody would care anyway,Is not like they would care anyway
by this point,The blood lossed was enough to just
Pass out
Wesley was terryfied. Standing there,In the bathroom door....
Liam was still laying on the couch,In pain after Everything that carmen put them throught horryfing torture...
How was they supposed to fix this?
Was it any way to do it,Was it possible?
And now they were crying.Over the dying figure of someone who tried to be a good person And failed.
𓃠 𓃬𓃠
Carmen was...confusing
A year ago,They were the one in an ambulance
And they werent that...bad
wesley remembered how bad it was... They remember a strong hand dragging them to the white van They do remember the pain,They got beat up and starved But that was nothing compared to what carmen did to liam
What was most heartbreaking it was that there was no "villian" to blame
The ones who actually kidnap them were in fact,An entire gang.
They got confused following instructions and end up getting the wrong guy
Wesley
The gang promised them that,If they didnt say a word they would free them and never meet agaim
Wesley accepted
And now they're here
With two people on the ambulance
All because they didnt talk...and because carmen went insane
was it her fault tho?? Wanting revengue for her friend??
Was it wesley's fault? They were too focused on trying to keep liam alive they didnt notice when carmen— ... Carmen was only concern. It was her fault the way she decided to be ruthless about it But she didnt deserve...death. She thought she did tho That was wesley's fault.
Wesley was shocked when carmen,Practically drunk called him to say to him that she kidnap one of the suspect and gut him alive.
And other unspeakable stuff that left Liam way more broken than Wesley. All in one night.
The second worst night!— who would guess it...
Wesley tried to get an first aid kit being on the restroom, trying to atleast help liam
Even so,They did not measure their words....
Carmen felt hurt. Attacked,Even so!
by a Friend. That she thought she could trust... But could she? They instead called her inhuman and disgusting Because? Just for wanting revengue? Camen felt alredy sick when she lock the bathroom door and got left alone with her thoughts... Thoughts that didnt stop ominously chanting what wesley said. Liam was innocent you heartless monster.
Liam was innocent.
Liam was fucking innocent
All this time it was wrong
Because liam. Was. Innocent.
There was no one to blame more than the monster that looked back in the mirror The monster that did all of that to an innocent person The monster that cried while hearing who was supposed to be their friend yell at her for all that she has done Nothing but a fox that deserved to be put down
She was gonna get killed anyway,If she didnt do it,The police would.
So...she did it
Eventually wesley give up and just stay,Trying to keep liam alive
Wesley thought that carmen would just hide in the bathroom
The police would kick the door open and all would be over
Carmen felt backstabbed.
Wesley wouldnt even care,Probabily.
He did.
He did when they understood that it went more far than that....
She was dying. Atleast liam was stable She wasnt. Wheb the ambulance finally arrived to the place,Wesley finally got to open the door snd rushed to her The cuts in the wrist were too deep. Too bad. While he tried to hold on her,To just try to stop the bleeding and made her sit up,To just have a last moment!... She lean in his ear whispered with hatred,Her voice straned because of the blooe loss
:"Hypocrite."
the whisper of the devil. A self-proclaimed demon
Wesley was destroyed
Liam was healing
And carmen died. That very night,Commited suicide
All because wesley went mad. All because they didnt say a word
All because carmen was impulsive,And ruthless
All the pain for revengue,All the death for guilt
All for nothing at all.
𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠 𓁹𓃠
YAYYYYYYYY I FINISH IT
TYSM ALL OF U
@theres-whump-in-that-nebula
@sillywhumpcreature
@whumpy-wyrms
(The ones who anwsered the last post :3)
:D
Pls tell me if you want a taglist,I think im gonna do more content if you guys like this <3
i gotta admiiit this wasnt what I had in mind buuut...again is just a draft sooo
Yes.
#whump#emotional whump#blood draw#kidnap whump#First time writing AND posting#Be kind pls im trying#major character death#Following Floating Steps tag#My writing#writeblr#Whumpee turned caretaker#Yeah we got all the weed here lmaooo :3/j#guilt tw#cw suicide#tw blo0d#I HATE THAT IS CENSORED LIKE THAT???#Anywayyyys#Whumper turned whumpee#Is not what u think#guilty whumper#Regretfull whumper#The story is still a wip#I know theres plot holes#gore ment tw#Self hatred tw#Pls tell me if i need to tag something else!!!#Carmen Pace (oc)#Wesley Mitchell (Oc)#Liam barret (oc)
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
It had been a while since Connor experienced his whole body freezing on the spot upon seeing a face he hadn't expected to see. It couldn't be her, could it? 'It must be Alyeria.' He thinks to himself before making his way to the roof of the building beside him. He followed her from above until he was sure it was her. The young man safely drops down from the roof, landing upon his feet in the ally across the street from her. "Aunt Fred?" He calls out to her as he waits for the walk light to signal for him to cross. Connor felt his guilt adding up within him as he approached her before stopping an awkward amount of space away. "It's really you..." @spellbcok
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Whumptober 2023 - Day 31 - Gladiator/Slave AU
I did it!! I made it through all 31 days of Whumptober!!
This one gave me a hard time to start with, just trying to think of an idea, mostly because I was nearing burnout. But once I actually got the idea (based on something Izzy and I brainstormed at one point) it flowed pretty easily!
This of course takes place a good bit after the other pieces I wrote for this au this month, after they’ve gotten to know each other. Bruno belongs to the lovely and wonderful Izzy!
Taglist: @painful-pooch , @sssunshinebreeze
The Shadow of Death Masterlist
No. 31: “I thought that I was getting better.”
Contains: lady whump, implied past noncon, fear of noncon, guilt, shame, self-deprecating thoughts, slavery
.
.
“You’re so stubborn!” Kamaria groans, throwing her head back. “When are you ever going to stop trying to get me to take the bed? It’s not going to happen!”
“I’m stubborn?” Bruno puts one hand on his chest as if aghast. “You’re the one who refuses to take the bed! I’m just trying to be a gentleman!”
“I’ve told you, you need it more than I do. You’re the one going out and fighting nearly every day. You need the rest.” She pokes playfully at his arm, something she’d never have dreamed of doing not that long ago. With Bruno, though, everything is different. She feels more relaxed, more like a person, than she has in years.
“You’re just too stubborn to take care of yourself. The most stubborn man I’ve ever met.” With a final poke, she wanders away from the bed, back toward the corner where she usually sleeps.
He follows her across the small room. “Well you’re certainly the most stubborn woman I’ve ever met. Wouldn’t even speak for so long I was convinced you were mute. Won’t take anything I offer you, won’t listen to anything I say -”
Kamaria whirls around to face him, chin jutted and eyebrow raised. “Maybe I just don’t like you.” They both know that isn’t anywhere near true, though actually admitting how he makes her feel is one area where she really is stubborn.
Bruno’s eyes are sparkling with playful mischief. “Now listen here…” His hands land on her shoulders, bumping her back into the wall.
Whatever he might say next melts into a meaningless hum. Kamaria’s body reacts automatically, muscles going limp and expression blanking as her breath sticks in her chest.
She’s been pinned like this many times before. It’s best if she just lets it happen, and if her mind is as absent as possible.
But then his hands fall away. Vaguely, she registers that he’s stepping back, and his voice comes into focus again when he calls her name. She blinks, and her lungs suddenly resume working. Her eyes dart back and forth, taking in Bruno, his distance from her, the crushed look on his face…and it dawns on her what, exactly, she just did.
“Kamaria, I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean -”
“Don’t.” Her voice comes out in a croak. Shoving away from the wall, she brushes past him and walks the few steps to her corner. The fear and dread that had set in so instantaneously are still there, gripping her chest, and the fact that she’s feeling that about Bruno is sickening. She sinks to the floor, wrapping her arms around her knees as tightly as possible to try and hide the trembling.
“I wasn’t thinking. You know I would never -”
“I said don’t.”
She does know. She hasn’t always known, but she does now, she trusts him, which is something she never thought she’d say about any human male, ever. And that’s the main reason, besides the instinctive fear, that she’s so shaken up right now. She hates herself. Her stupid self had to turn pliable and pathetic just because the position she ended up in reflected one used against her many times in the past. Now she’s made Bruno feel guilty, which he doesn’t deserve. It feels like she’s erased months of progress in their relationship in one brief moment.
She’d been getting so much better. Life…Bruno…everything was so much better. She hasn’t had to be afraid in so long, he’s even protected her from the guards that want to make advances.
But now it’s like she’s right back where she started, curled up in this corner, unable to even look at him.
“Kamaria.” He crouches down to her level, but stays back to give her plenty of space. “Talk to me? Please? I want to know what you’re feeling.”
In her periphery, she can see how devastated he looks. But she can’t talk to him. She’s too ashamed of what she is, too afraid that she’ll look at him and see an assailant - her master - instead of the kind, caring man she’s come to know. She buries her face in her knees and stays silent.
After a long moment, Bruno releases a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’ll leave you alone.”
She hears his footsteps retreating. He can’t go very far in the tiny room, but only a minute later the food slot on the door opens, and she hears him talking to someone out in the hall. Locks click, and the door creaks. Kamaria almost lifts her head, almost says something to stop him. If they’re letting him out of the room, it can only really be for training or a fight, and he’s already so tired all the time. He doesn’t deserve to have to leave just because she’s such a mess.
But she hesitates, frozen in place, and the opportunity is gone. The door shuts, and the room is empty. She didn’t want to talk to him. She doesn’t want to be alone with her thoughts and her steadily growing guilt, either.
Kamaria gives in to the burning behind her eyes and lets the tears flow.
#whumptober2023#no.31#lyric#i thought that i was getting better#original content#fic#implied past noncon tw#fear of noncon tw#guilt tw#shame tw#slavery tw#self deprecating thoughts tw#shadow of death#kamaria the assassin#bruno stenberg#brumaria#lady whump#lady whumpee#high fantasy#whump writing#whump series
6 notes
·
View notes
Text
closed starter for josh ! @purelybilateral
hannah already was having the roughest of times; trying to comprehend how she was alive.. that night- she saw beth- die.. a memory burned in the back of her mind; she wandered why she wasn't the one to go.. why beth couldn't of been the one to make it- but.. it's when she remembers, she didn't make it.. she was stuck- and starving.. starving so much she found herself forced to eat what remained.. -guilt that stuck with her; but after that.. after her survival kicked in- everything went black.. she was simply a shell of who she formerly was- not hannah washington- younger sister- twin to beth- best friend.. - a fool, no.. she was taken over by a parasite- the wendigo spirit.. it ate away at her mind; using her solely as a meat suit.. now.. here she stood, at least when she was dead.. mind turned off- she didn't have to face her consequences.. realizing - beth was probably still dead- everyone probably found them- and realized hannah ate beth.. -but did she even want to see her friends? she should've, right? but it wasn't just guilt that ate away at her.. it was anger- she died.. all for a cruel prank.. beth died because of the prank.. -she had to wonder, how did josh hold up? -.. sam, how was she.. the only true friend she had from that group- that night.. but before her mind had more chance to travel; brown eyes spotted a familiar face.. josh, her heart instantly dropped to the pit of her stomach; nausea washing over.. tears couldn't help but to well up in her eyes, "josh?" the girl called out; "-is that really you?" she countered; maybe part of her afraid this was another prank.. but how- she wasn't back home, -and her brother wouldn't do this to her.. but was this a mirage- a hallucination.. was her mind this sick? but still, she was naive afterall and bit the bullet.. walking closer, "-please tell me it's you,." she cried, "-i've missed you so much, big brother." words she meant; she wanted to run into his arms.. but knew- knew that wasn't an option not until he opened his arms first.. how would he react- it's not everyday your dead sister comes back, -that's not a thing that happened.. but- her mind could hardly think mind over reason.. she was just relieved to see him.
#:)#monster tw#death tw#cannibalism tw#wow such fun tws!!#mental illness tw#starvation tw#( hannah;replies )#( hannah & josh )#parasite tw#possession tw#guilt tw
15 notes
·
View notes
Text
Logan had packed his bags with his key items to move back into the school. One bag was slung over his shoulder as he walks into Charles' office with just two knocks as he opens the door. "So, how many of the kids complained bout me missin some classes? Given what happened on Valentine's day, figured it was better if I made myself scarce." The last thing he wanted was to lose control inside of the school and have a repeat of the will be famed Westchester incident. A day Logan could never erase from his mind no matter how hard he tried. @mischiefxmuses
13 notes
·
View notes