#long post tw

[dcvinefcmme]

@cfdante

I can't believe childhood is over. SUCCESSION (2018-2023)

[userhalsey]

JODIE COMER ph. Elizaveta Porodina Modern Weekly China, June 2024

[crackanronpa]

[Source]

[h3lian]

༝ Chris Art dump from last few months.

[lcdyinlecther]

@zakariaxwolfe

Kaz shrugged. “Kill us, and you’ll never find Kuwei.” Van Eck appeared to consider this. Then he stepped back. “Guards to me!” he shouted. “Kill everyone but Brekker!” Kaz knew the instant he made his mistake. They’d all known it might come to this. He should have trusted his crew. His eyes should have stayed trained on Van Eck. Instead, in that moment of threat, when he should have thought only of the fight, he looked at Inej. And Van Eck saw it. He blew on his whistle. “Leave the others! Get the money and the girl.”

— SIX OF CROWS, Chapter 45

[lionheartedmusings]

the thing about q!bad recreating the soulfire base basically block by block and planning to surprise the team with it is that it says a whole lot about him, where is was during purgatory, and where he is now.

q!bad spent months trying to burn bridges and push people away, he effectively placed himself in a distrusted position on the island, his children (the only reason that man breathes) vanished in the middle of the night, he was actively torturing himself and kidnapping people. he was a man on a mission, sure, but time and time again he reinforced to us the audience that he wasn't *happy* about what he had to do. his plan — whatever his plan is — is something he deems necessary enough to have been alright with ruining his own life. as he said to q!baghera: "i'm expendable".

suddenly there's hope in egg island, but egg island is actually a hellscape and he's trapped without his biggest support systems — q!bagi, q!baghera, q!foolish, and even to an extent q!forever were the people he had to take down, they couldn't be there for him anymore. and from his team? other than q!tina and q!aypierre, he wasn't close to anyone or was just... directly antagonistic towards them (mainly q!pac and q!tubbo).

and then the funniest thing happened — he found family in hell and in people he never truly expected to be comfortable around.

he grew to respect and care for q!tubbo, he grew much closer to q!tina, his relationship with q!aypierre was tested and strengthened, he found a connection with q!niki and by god, he protected q!pac — who'd once been terrified of him — with his life. even the people who didn't log on often, he grew to see as part of his pack in a way he (and i) didn't see coming.

when soulfire mains talk about them being the perfect example of found family, that's what we mean. slow, careful changes that grew into love and protection beyond belief — enough that when green gay ninjas were split, everyone was welcomed with a warm hug and a cup of tea, now part of the family undoubtedly and forever. just like that.

their family was hitting their stride when purgatory ended and q!bad tanked a nuke to his back to save his son, and now his bookshelves are all knocked over and his memory's slipping. he's dying, he knows he's dying, and he's holding on by a thread for dapper and pomme even if he's aware that he can't just "bear it" much longer. he's isolated again, hiding and lying about his condition, watching the world turn and knowing his clock is ticking... sometimes he knows nothing at all.

and in this moment of pain, and solemn realization of the end of this version of him?

he's spending his time rebuilding the last place that felt like home block by block, talking openly about how he feels nostalgic and misses their base, their god awful spawn, the memories they made. his time with his daughter has been spent down there.

i know we as a fandom have theorized that one of these days, his memory's gonna snap down there and he'll think he's back in purgatory and it'll be a mess. sure. but right now?

right now that rebuilt base means love, and friendship, and family, and safety. it's the last place things were okay, and he felt cared for in a way that frankly your children can't provide.

a group of ragtag mismatched people got put together in a poor man's hunger games and they saw this demon — bloodthirsty, destructive, full of cold calculated murderous intent and a need to win for his child and instead of being horrified, running away screaming from his fangs and his claws?

they loved him. they found the gentleness beneath the blood and guts. they called him their attack dog because he's so full of love and so protective, and would tear anyone to pieces to protect their family.

team soulfire saw q!bad in a way no one in the island had, and they loved him for it — even when he drove them up the walls and they had to hold the leash tight, they loved him.

and now he's remade their home.

[taminoe]

• SYDNEY SWEENEY for Variety (August 2023)

[meerawrites]

Meaningful addition.

"we need more weird queers!!"

you start parroting TERF talking points the milisecond someone says they are a lesboy or gaygirl

you cry when mspec lesbians/gays exist

you refuse to use neopronouns or it/its, even when those are a persons only set of pronouns

you expect a-specs to experience attraction in some way (yes, that includes platonic attraction)

you exclude intersex people

you can't even accept furries.

[layla-keating]

THE SUMMER I TURNED PRETTY 2.07 "Love Affair"

[joshdonnas]

In which Ainsley makes an innocent question and gets subjected to The Joshdonna Show ™️ (featuring Sam).

17 PEOPLE (2x18) | The West Wing (1999-2006)

[qominsi]

JI CHANG WOOK as PARK JUN MO THE WORST OF EVIL (최악의 악) | 2023

[curiositymemes]

STICK SEASON: WE'LL ALL BE HERE FOREVER.

taken from the 2023 album by noah kahan. trigger warnings for mental illness, trauma, medication, references to suicide, and the exquisite agony of life in rural new england. feel free to change wording and pronouns and provide context as necessary. do not add to this list.

northern attitude.

how you been? 

you settled down?

you feelin’ right? 

you feelin’ proud?

you settle in to routine.

what does it mean? 

i’m not how you hoped.

you’re gettin’ lost.

scared to live, scared to die. 

you’re feelin’ lost.

stick season.

you must’ve had yourself a change of heart.

now i am stuck between my anger and the blame that i can’t face.

it’s half my fault, but i just like to play the victim. 

i’ll dream each night of some version of you that i might not have but i did not lose. 

i thought that if i piled something good on all my bad i could cancel out the darkness i inherited from dad. 

i miss the way you laugh.

you once called me forever now you still can’t call me back.

that’ll have to do.

my other half was you.

i hope this pain’s just passin’ through, but i doubt it. 

all my love.

how have things been?

well, love, now that you mention it.

i’m sayin’ too much, but you know how it gets out here.

now i know your name, but not who you are.

it’s all okay, there ain’t a drop of bad blood.

you got all my love.

if you need me, dear, i’m the same as i was.

what i’d give to have you out of me.

i still recall how the leather in your car feels.

and at the end of it all, i just hope that your scars heal.

i swear i was scared to death.

i smiled stupid the whole way home.

you said, ‘i’ll never let you go.’

she calls me back.

there was heaven in your eyes. 

everything’s alright.

look at me and don’t you lie.

don’t you hold your head up high.

for bullshit, i do not have time.

do you lie awake restless?

why am i so obsessive?

this town’s the same as you left it.

the radio is taunting me.

i don’t get much sleep most nights.

i’m seeing you in every dream.

if only i could fall asleep. 

i’ll love you when the oceans dry. 

i was too afraid of living life in your footsteps.

come over.

it was there when we got here, will be there when we leave.

you won’t have to guess who they’re speakin’ about.

i’m in the process of clearin’ out cobwebs. 

i was takin’ the wrong meds; feels good to be sad.

my house is just barely big enough for my family.

my mouth was designed for my foot to fit in it.

i promise you, darlin’.

you won’t ever go back.

i know that it ain’t much.

i know that it ain’t cool.

you don’t have to tell the other kids at school.

someday i’m gonna be somebody people want.

new perspective.

makin’ me nostalgic.

we were kids; but that don’t make this less hard.

if i could fly i doubt i’d even do it. 

i’d probably get high and crash or somethin’ stupid.

gave me your word.

i can’t pronounce it.

no thing so sure that i can’t learn to doubt it.

everywhere, everything.

would we survive in a horror movie?

we trust everyone we meet.

we’re littered with scars from our preteens.

i wanna love you ‘til we’re food for the worms to eat.

‘til our fingers decompose, keep my hand in yours. 

i know every route in this county.

maybe that ain’t such a bad thing.

i’ll tell you where not to speed.

it’s been a long year.

orange juice.

honey, come over.

it’s yours if you want it.

we’re just glad you could visit. 

feels like i’ve been ready for you to come home for so long.

i didn’t think to ask you where you’d gone. 

why’d you go?

my heart has changed and my soul has changed.

you just asked me to hold you.

it made you a stranger and it filled you with anger.

my life has changed.

the world has changed.

don’t you find it strange that you just went ahead and carried on?

are we all just pullin’ you down?

strawberry wine.

darling, speak to me.

don’t you say a word.

you thought you were cursed?

i’m in love with every song you’ve ever heard.

if i could lose you, i would.

all the time we used to have.

the things i miss but know are never coming back. 

no thing defines a man like love that makes him soft.

growing sideways.

finally found some middle ground.

i said, ‘i’m cured.’

i divvied up my anger into thirty separate parts.

i’m still angry at my parents for what their parents did to them.

it’s a start.

but i ignore things and i move sideways ‘til i forget what i felt in the first place.

i know there are worse ways to stay alive.

everyone’s growing and everyone’s healthy.

if my engine works perfect on empty, i guess i’ll drive. 

i forgot my medication, fell into a manic high.

now i’m sufferin’ in style.

why is pain so damn impatient? ain’t like it’s got a place to be.

if all my time was wasted, i don’t mind. 

i’ll watch it go.

it’s better to die numb than feel it all.

halloween.

the dawn isn’t here, the sun hasn’t rose.

they got money to make and children back home.

i worry for you, you worry for me.

the bridges have long since been burnt. 

i’m leavin’ this town and i’m changin’ my address.

i know that you’ll come if you want.

i’m losin’ myself.

i’m seein’ my life on a screen.

i know that you fear that i’m wicked and weary.

i know that you’re fearin’ the end. 

i only tell the truth when i’m sure that i’m lyin’. 

homesick.

are you bored yet?

the weather ain’t been bad if you’re into masochistic bullshit.

this place is such great motivation for anyone tryna move the fuck away from hibernation. 

time moves so damn slow i swear i feel my organs failing.

i stopped caring ‘bout a month ago, since then it’s been smooth sailing. 

i would leave if only i could find a reason. 

i got dreams, but i cant make myself believe them. 

i’ll spend the rest of my life with what could have been. 

i will die in the house that i grew up in.

i’m homesick. 

still.

i don’t wanna say goodbye.

it only falls into place when you’re fallin’ to pieces.

you miss something that you can’t place but you can’t deny it. 

you can’t stay here.

it’s hard to face and it feels too ugly.

it’s like i’m still here with you. 

can i fix what is broken?

the view between villages (extended). 

for a minute, the world seems so simple.

i am not scared of death.

i’ve got dreams again.

there is meanin’ on earth. 

i feel so far from it.

it’s all washin’ over me. 

i’m angry again. 

the things that i lost here, the people i knew.

they got me surrounded for a mile or two. 

i found a town big enough for anything i want.

i’m not a city girl, by any means.

it still has a lot of meaning to me.

i grew up there. 

your needs, my needs.

you ain’t gotta tell me what it means.

i promise to be there this time. alright? 

you were a work of art.

that’s the hardest part.

i’m naming the stars in the sky after you.

dial drunk.

i promised to forget you.

i ain’t takin’ any fault.

am i half the man i used to be? i doubt it.

forget about it, whatever.

it’s all the same anyways.

i ain’t proud of all the punches that i’ve thrown. 

for the shame of being young, drunk, and alone.

i gave your name as my emergency phone call.

i’d die for you.

from charmin’ to alarmin’ in seconds.

i’ll let the pain metastasize.

i beg you, sir, just let me call.

let’s wait, i swear she’ll call me back.

son, are you a danger to yourself?

fuck that, sir.

son, why do you do this to yourself?

paul revere.

this place had a heartbeat in its day.

nothin’ was the same.

it just ain’t that simple, it never was.

one day i’m gonna cut it clear.

i’m not from around here.

i’ll leave before the road crew’s out. 

i’ll turn up the music and i’ll forget.

i’m not ready to let go yet.

i’ll just pretend i didn’t hear.

it’s typical, i fear.

folks just disappear.

if i could leave, i would’ve already left.

no complaints.

i thought i had something and that’s the same as having something.

i get mad at nothing.

i pull no punches, then feel bad for months.

thought i was raised better, tried to fake better.

now the weight of the world ain’t so bad.

i saw the end, it looks just like the middle.

i filled the hole in my head with prescription medication.

who am i to complain?

now the pain’s different. It still exists, it just escapes different.

yes, i’m young and living dreams.

i’m in love with being noticed and afraid of being seen.

call your mom.

oh, you’re spiralin’ again.

don’t you cancel any plans.

stayed on the line with you the entire night ‘til you let it out and let it in.

don’t let this darkness fool you.

i’ll drive all night.

i’ll call your mom.

oh, dear, don’t be discouraged.

i’ve been exactly where you are.

if you could see yourself like this.

you’dve never tried it.

stayed on the line with you the entire night ‘til you told me that you had to go.

throw a punch, fall in love, give yourself a reason.

don’t wanna drive another mile wonderin’ if you’re breathin’.

won’t you stay with me?

you’re gonna go far. 

this is good land, or at least it was.

it takes a strong hand and a sound mind.

it makes me smile to know when things get hard, you’ll be far from here.

pack up your car.

put a hand to your heart.

say whatever you feel.

be wherever you are.

we ain’t angry at you, love. 

you’re the greatest thing we’ve lost.

the birds will still sing.

we’ll be waiting for you, love.

we’ll all be here forever.

we spent so long just getting by.

that’s the thing about survival; who the hell likes livin’ just to die?

you told me you would make a difference.

it won’t be by your own volition if you step foot outside this town.

it’s all we’ve had for always.

you’re gonna go far.

if you wanna go far, then you gotta go far.

forever.

let’s drive for no reason.

you look fine in the evening.

honey, it’s starting to storm.

used to wish i meant anything to anywhere, to anyone.

i’m glad i get forever to see where you end.

i won’t be alone for the rest of my life.

i’ll meet a girl in the heat of july.

i’ll tell her so she knows.

i’m broke, but i’m real rich in my head.

when i hold her close, i might loosen my grip, but i won’t ever let her go.

[potentialbreakupscng]

💋/for sirius from james !! - @wizardingsouls

the past months since his release have felt like a fever dream -- unsure if he can trust his mind and how it's seeing things. he can't remember the last time his hair has been this short -- last he remembers it hit to his lower back even with the mats and knots from twelve years of neglect. he doesn't remember shaving the hair off of his face that he could barely even call a beard -- and vaguely remembers a familiar voice teasing him about finally being able to grow something. he remembers the conversations he had in azkaban, the ones with his friends that were gone. mad mumblings to himself, james, lily, and remus. he escaped when he saw peter on the front of the prophet, swore that he would seek revenge against the man that they had trusted more than anything -- but ended back up in a cell.

he's not sure where the madness stopped and the man begun -- what was real and what wasn't, especially after narrowly escaping a demetors kiss when all of his past had been brought up. his parents abuse, the way he'd almost torn their friends apart the first time, james and lily dying. he thought he'd been broken before -- but he's a shell of the man he used to be. the boisterous, confident and obnxious man is a shell of himself. barely speaking sentences, trying to understand why -- how his mind has crafted such a beautiful place for him to be in. with remus and james -- older than he remembers them, which is even more odd. prongs and moony were always young when he'd talked to them before, and lily had always been there, too. eventually he allows the façade to win, cracking jokes and feeling himself relax for the first time in over twelve years. the madness even allows harry to visit -- to see him again and to see the emerald green eyes that match his mothers attached to the face of a young james. in the evenings he allows himself to feel the false warmth of the two men that sirius has loved most in this world, finds comfort that he remembers how warm they are.

maybe if he'd allowed himself to allow the madness take over from the start, he would have been better off.

it's odd, he thinks as the façade has the three of them together for an evening, that remus isn't drinking. between the three of them, he'd always been the one to hold his liquor the best -- and was one of the few things the otherwise insecure person had almost prided himself with. their conversation shifts to hermione -- when had hermione been here to have a conversation with them? he barely knows her. only met her briefly in the shack -- why would the madness add her to this conversation? a chuckle is shared between them about how clever she is for having figured them out. a silence follows, until james is the one to ask the question that's been lingering in the air between them since their reunion.

"together forever, remember?" he speaks up, silver eyes landing on the mirage of an older james potter than he can remember -- a gentle smile on his lips. he sets his drink down and watches as james moves toward him, head tilting back to look up at him -- a best friend, lover, and a soulmate wrapped into one person peering down at him. almost too real feeling hands move to cup his cheeks -- and silver eyes flutter closed when he's brought closer and for the first time in over a decade their lips meet. sirius finds himself melting into him, tattooed hands gently resting over the hands that rest on his cheeks. he gets lost in the warmth, in the feeling of kissing james potter again. silver eyes open as they pull away, landing on james's and for a moment letting himself feel the warmth that always came from him. a gentle smile graces his lips, his free hand reaching up to brush some of the other man's curls from his forehead -- always the most unruly hair. the crinkles in the corners of his eye, the warmth of his skin under his fingers as they brush along his forehead to move his hair away from his face. james's lips are upon his again, and he eagerly responds -- clinging desperately to him because it all feels real.

too real.

sirius's hands jerk away from the mirage of james potter in front of him, abruptly pulling away as silver eyes open wide to stare at the mirage that even when shoved away doesn't seem to go away. "no," he mutters to himself, jolting away from the hands that reach out for him, "don't -- don't fucking touch me." he's let this go on for too long. none of this is real -- none of this can be real. heels of his hand press into silver eyes, rubbing violently at them as if it would erase the false images in front of him -- but even that doesn't erase the two sets of concerned eyes that stare at him. "this isn't -- this isn't real. you're" he points to james with a trembling hand, "not real. this isn't real. you're dead."

eyes snap over to remus when he speaks, and he feels both of them approaching as if they're corning and trying to catch a scared creature. "shut the fuck up, you're not real either," he snaps and the glass in his hand goes flying toward the mirage to prove that this whole thing isn't real. the sound of the shattering glass fills the room as remus skillfully dodges the projectile and it shatters on the wall behind them. sirius lunges grabbing anything to throw and destroy to prove that this isn't real. that they aren't real. blinded by images of finding james potter -- screaming to find his glasses because of how blind he is without them -- sirius barely hears the sound of harry's voice as he peers around the corner. harry, living with him? with them? it has to be a dream. he watches as remus darts across the room and guides harry up the stairs -- flinging anything he can in their direction and they disappear up the stairs. a glass shatters in his hand from gripping onto it too tightly, blood dripping down from the palm of his hand onto his wrist -- he doesn't feel the pain, because why would he? it's all not real. this isn't real. nothing he's experienced is real. he's still in azkaban. he has to be. he knows james potter is dead -- and has been for so long. tears stream down his cheeks as he screams over and over again that this isn't real. that james is dead. he's too far gone. he let the façade win and now he can't get back. magic seems to surge through him, sending furniture and other objects flying through the air -- much like when a child first discovers magic and can't control it. being years out of practice, rotting in a jail cell. suddenly, there's a pain in his skull, sharp and skull splitting. . something that's happened since his sixth year at hogwarts -- after his parents tortured him over and over again with the cruciatus curse until he finally decided to run away. he crumbles to the ground, covered in glass shards. bloodied hands move to grip onto the side of his head -- then pound over and over again into his temples as if trying to get the voices that are telling him that this is real out of it. as if it's going to stop the tearing sensation caused by years of abuse. he lets out a heart breaking scream, asking everything to just stop.

and it does. finally. the sharp pain in his head, the tightness in his chest.

tattooed fingers grip onto his hair at the base as the silence is broken when sobs fall past his lips when his entire body trembles. he shakes his heat, tears streaming down his cheeks and when he feels strong arms wrap around him he doesn't try to push them away, and instead collapses into the man that he swears is still a mirage. "this isn't real," his voice is soft and whispered, trembling as bloodied hands move to grip onto the arms that are holding onto him, "you're not real, prongs. i let this go for too long."

[honorhearted]

"I hardly care about all that," Benjamin persisted, squeezing her hands. "I understand what you're saying -- I do -- but my heart feels nothing but warmth and affection for you. Why should I deny myself just because it's what society dictates? Since when has society been right about us?"

Anne nearly recoiled at his words. Her eyes were wet, and she continued to deny him. “I want you, Ben. But there's more. I-I’ve not been entirely honest with you..."

Watching her withdraw, a look of confusion crossed his face before he quipped, "And what's next? Did you steal a book from the library?" Despite his teasing remark, it was clear by Anne's unsmiling face that this was no laughing matter.

Drawing a breath, she said in a rush, "My real name... is not Anne Wynter. It’s Annelise Sophronia Shawcross."

Bemused, Benjamin offered a helpless shrug. "And why is that so terrible? In the war, I went by John Bolton -- I was a spy, a blackguard...the absolute lowest of the low. Spies are deemed cowards, Anne, not heroes, so I can hardly fault you for choosing a name that...what? Protected you, I presume?"

Anne was far from finished. She regaled him with a story of love and heartbreak, and exile -- both from the home and family she loved.

"Anne..."

"In the eyes of my family, I do not exist, Ben. I am more than just a tarnished woman. I am a fraud, a liar. I am a ghost."

"But you're not," Benjamin persisted. "Anne, you are the woman I love..."

"And I do not deserve your love, Ben," she cut in. "Selfishly, I want it, but I know I do not deserve it. I do not deserve happiness."

Finally, a needle of frustration pierced into his tone. "And why is that?" he demanded. "Who told you you don't deserve love and happiness? And what's more, why in God's name do you believe it?" Scoffing, Benjamin took her face between his hands. "If I accept you, why must any of this matter? You changed your name, you lied, you lost your innocence to a monster...that's no different than my lies, and murder, and deception. I didn't just kill in the name of my country, Anne, I..." Trailing off, he swallowed. "A couple times, I killed for personal reasons. And by your account, I suppose that means I am undeserving of love, too...and I would agree, had I not met you. You've saved me from the exile of my heart."

Is that all? Anne didn't know what she expected, but it wasn't this. It wasn't the relieved chuckle he gave, as though she had told him a meaningless secret. Anne knew he was kind and caring, that he was likely to forgive harsh words or foolish mistakes, but her past with George was too heavy to brush off. And it was becoming too heavy to burden as well.

He rambled on, confiding in her his own childish misgivings, and yet it didn't help lessen the guilt she felt for keeping so many secrets from him. She had lied to him about who she was. She had made a contract to never speak of her past, to erase Annelise from the face of the earth lest she condemn her sisters to a similar fate. But keeping such a thing from someone she loved was slowly killing her.

“Yes, b-but you are a man. Y-You’re not expected to remain pure and untouched. As a woman, I…” She shook her head, trying to make sense of the situation. Did he not understand the severity of her mistakes? Did he not understand how much a thing mattered? It had been part of the reason she'd been forced to leave home at sixteen, forced to erase her past and start over. She offered a sad smile, hesitant to believe the worst of it had passed.

“Ben, I…” She wanted to tell him everything, to bare herself to him in her entirety. To pull back the layers of her façade and show him the scared girl that lay beneath. “I do not deserve you.” It’s all she can manage to say without breaking down.

Her brows knitted together at his words. Did he truly think his time in the war and the hardships he endured made him less worthy of love? For Anne, her mistakes were nearly unforgivable. She had maimed a man, scarred him for life because she'd foolishly wielded a blade in self-defense. And it that weren't enough, if she were to ever find a husband capable of looking past her clouded past, it would not change the fact that she would always be tainted. If she bore his children, they would come from an impure womb, no matter how much she loved and cherished her husband. And furthermore, George was still out there, bloodthirsty and vengeful.

“I want you, Ben. But there's more. I-I’ve not been entirely honest with you..." Gently, she pulled away. She didn't want to cling to him, not when there was a chance he might push her away when he knew the full truth. She wouldn't be able to handle a wound that deep, so she pulled away on her own and hoped her legs would be strong enough to carry her.

Anne closed her eyes and took a deep breath. This was the tipping point. This was where the test of their love either flew or plummeted to the ground with a deafening crash. He had excused the horrid words she'd said to him in a moment of anger. He had been kind enough to look past her lack of virtue, but she was about to admit the extent of her façade and, with it, the extent of her sins.

"My real name... is not Anne Wynter. It’s Annelise Sophronia Shawcross." Her own name felt foreign on her tongue, like a dead language that had been killed nearly a decade prior. She hadn't uttered her birth name since she left home. The last time she'd said it aloud was when she whispered her goodbyes and her grievances into the crashing waves below her on her sudden departure to the Isle of Man. She hadn't spoken her name out loud in almost ten years and a part of her worried she never would.

"When I was sixteen, I gave my heart--and, foolishly, my body-- to a monster, a-and I have been paying for it every since." Speaking the truth aloud felt cathartic. It felt like a weight was being lifted from her chest, but now she was at risk of being swept away in her lies. "I was sent away, exiled from my home so that my sins, my crimes, would not spur a scandal that might spoil my sisters’ prospects for marriage. In the eyes of my family, I do not exist, Ben. I am more than just a tarnished woman. I am a fraud, a liar. I am a ghost." With a shuddered breath, Anne rose her eyes to look at him. "And I do not deserve your love, Ben. Selfishly, I want it, but I know I do not deserve it. I do not deserve happiness."

[botanikos]

Good evening! 

While I hate to make such a large announcement and “kill the vibe” for the weekend, I really do need to set something straight. The world outside of roleplay is tumultuous and full of horrors, ailments, and struggles unique to each day. Writing is a hobby for many of us, I assume, and a reprieve from the chaos that hounds us. However, I cannot speak for anyone else; these are my words, and my feelings. 

I made this blog as a means to connect with others and write! Roleplay, to me, is what I have always enthusiastically described as collaborative storytelling. Not only that, but it is one of the easiest and most accessible and enjoyable means of relief for me. I get on my silly little blog to write and goof off. To step away from everything else around me. Sure, occasionally I let my own feelings for the day seep into my writing - but who doesn’t use their muse as a means to an end when things have been a little rough? In the end, I am here to have fun!

Like anyone else, however, I am unfortunately and fatally…human. I have feelings such as doubt, anger, frustration, anxiety, joy, compassion, etc.. There will be times where I may have the desire or need to let these feelings be known in an OOC post. It is my blog, and that is my right! That is every individual’s right; your blog should always be your safe space, and that is exactly what mine is: A safe space. That being said, I work hard to keep my blog safe not only for myself, but for my mutuals or anyone who might come across it. I tag anything and everything I should or can, when I remember to do so and as I see fit. What I will NOT engage in however, is drama, venting, or negative specific vague-posting. And I refuse to consistently let it be a constant presence any longer. 

WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? 

My blog will remain a safe space for anyone seeking comfort, reprieve, or looking for advice provided we are mutuals. You may always approach me with any questions or concerns, especially if it is in regards to my/our writing or content on my blog. I encourage any discussions to be held in privacy between us either through tumblr IM or Discord (available upon request or when I occasionally offer it on the dash). 

I will NOT unfollow anyone for the occasional vent post. OOC venting and feelings are FINE! I make those too! My blog will have a LOT of OOC postings throughout the week and even peppered between replies and activity. My DMs are ALWAYS open if you are having a particularly hard time, and need someone to talk to (albeit, I may be delayed). 

What I WILL UNFOLLOW FOR includes but is not limited to: harassment of any kind, bullying, constant negativity, constant trauma dumping, constant acknowledgement of anonymous hate-mail, constant complaints of lack of interaction (ONLY if I have knowledge that I have reached out multiple times or reason to assume others have done so too), negative or derogatory vague posting of other users. Also, please keep in mind that I have other responsibilities outside of tumblr. While I may not immediately receive your message, see it, or response to it, it does not mean it will go ignored! Though it is no one's business, I have my own chronic conditions and experience varying degrees of social burn-out. I love chatting but can become easily overwhelmed! Give me time!

IN REGARDS TO BLOCKING - I do not block anyone without reason. So far, I have only ever blocked spam or porn bots. However, if I grow uncomfortable or have reason to doubt the safety of my space, I will not hesitate to hard block. You will not be given a warning, because again, I do not do this often / at all thus far. And for me to take this sort of action, it simply means I am unwilling to communicate my discomfort and for what I believe to be, good reason. I do not immediately block people I unfollow because on most occasions, if I unfollow someone it is either A) an accident or B) just that I don't vibe or see us interacting anytime soon or in the future. This does not inherently mean this won't change! Maybe later on I have expanded my abilities or have newfound interest / new perspectives! Neat! But unfollowing does not warrant an immediate block from me. Blocking is a SOLID and DEFINITE sentence. I do not do it lightly.

Please understand that I still wish to be a positive presence and will continue to do my best to provide this! But even I have my limits, my own external struggles, and I am weary… So very, very tired. 

If you have any GENUINE questions or concerns, please do not hesitate to reach out to me! I value communication and compassion above all things, and will happily engage in a civilized conversation about anything you might find unclear. 

Thanks for reading! 

Jude

[margotrobie]

EMMA D'ARCY AND OLIVIA COOKE "What was both of your first days (on set) like?" Interview for JOE.ie. August, 2022