#tw medication misuse

[borderline-culture-is]

CW: MEDICATION MISUSE, mentions of suicidal ideation

BPD (+ GAD) culture is impulsively x9 taking the normal dose of the beta blockers prescribed for your panic attacks because your FP hasn't responded all day and its causing extreme anxiety which is also exacerbating your auditory hallucinations + paranoia + suicidal thoughts

.

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

tw: meds, mentions of drug misuse

i got two bottles of ativan instead of one because my psychiatrist accidentally sent the refill to both costco and cvs. good thing? bad thing? idk yet but at least i have it because ive needed it a lot recently as ive been very paranoid and while it doesn’t help completely (since it’s for anxiety) it at least helps me calm down a bit, but i gotta make sure i dont constantly overtake up to four times my prescribed dose because i have so much. my impulse control will really be put to the test….

[fortheloveofpiggy]

Last night I accidentally got high as balls on nose spray (completely an accident please be careful when taking shit like that unlike I was) and vex fronted to help and he’s usually uptight but he was too high to be so pet our cat binx and talked to our sys bf and now he thinks he’s binx’s best friend smh

[mime-rodeo]

what is it with people nowadays using the word “narcissistic” as a replacement for toxic or abusive? even if we are ignoring the fact that this sounds ableist towards people with NPD (which we shouldn’t ignore btw but just for the sake of this argument) y’all are not even using it in its ORIGINAL definition, as in “a person who has an excessive interest in or admiration of themselves”. you’re just using the word for whoever slightly pisses you off. “my friend was kinda rude to me yesterday, she’s so narcissistic” IM BEGGING YOU DO EVERYONE A FAVOR AND PICK UP A DICTIONARY

[whump-about-it]

Last Hope

@whumpril Day 10: Adrenaline

CW: Probable misuse of medication (not for plot purposes, but because I'm not a medical professional and am basically making this up), criminal Whumpee, blood loss, fear of death.

Nothing had gone as planned. Whumpee was supposed to get into the compound, download the virus, and get back out. It wasn't supposed to take more than an hour. They weren't supposed to run into anyone. Least of all Whumper. Now Whumpee was bleeding uncontrollably from a knife wound in their chest, and running blindly through the labyrinthian facility trying to escape Whumper and find some kind of exit.

Thank God Caretaker had insisted on coming along. Whumpee had argued that this was a one man job, and they could drive their own getaway car. But Caretaker was a worrier, and apparently a vindicated one now. Whumpee could only hope they would get back to them to hear Caretaker tell them that themselves.

Struggling to stay focused as they ran through the building, trying to remember where they had gotten in from, Whumpee turned down a dark hallway lined with doors. Whumpee hadn't remembered being in this area of the building before, but with Whumper at their heels they could barely complain about the ample hiding places it provided and stumbled forward, one hand staunching their bleeding as best they could and the other grabbing at doorknobs, hoping against hope that one of them would swing open. Finally, at the end of the hall, one of them did with such a loud screech it made Whumpee's blood run cold even as the slipped in and locked the door behind them.

The dark room beyond seemed to be some sort of chemical lab. The walls were lined with counter spaces topped with severely sterile looking machines and locked cabinets. A part of Whumpee's mind drifted towards the idea that there was probably something valuable to steal in the room, before a sudden thunder clap of pain radiated from their chest through the rest of their body so intense that their knees gave out underneath them and they fell to the floor muffling a cry.

It had vaguely occurred to Whumpee before that the only reason they had gotten as far as they had as of yet was because of the adrenaline pumping through their body and numbing the pain and panic coursing through them. It seemed to have been starting to ware off now though and the room swam in front of Whumpee as they rolled onto their back and grasped the bloody hole in their chest with both hands. The contact elicited a disgusting squelching noise and another thunder bolt of pain that made Whumpee's eye site go grey momentarily.

Concentrate! They ordered themselves, their eyes sweeping around the room dizzyingly. There was a window at the far end of the lab. Whumpee couldn't tell if it opened or not, but they could at least be able us it their barings as to where Caretaker might have stationed themselves if they could get to it. That would be no use though if they bleed to death before they got out of the compound, which was a dangerously real possibility right now, so Whumpee continued to scan the room until their eyes finally landed a large metal box screwed to an adjacent wall with FIRST AID written across it in large red letters.

Whumpee pulled themselves into a sitting position and the world wavered in front of them. They could feel the little blood they had left in their body rushing away from their head and heart and towards the open would between their upper ribs. A nauseating feeling washed over them and Whumpee had to fight the urge to pass out. They knew they wouldn't wake up again if they did. This also served to confirm that there was no way Whumpee was going to be able to stand in their current condition. So once they'd gotten their senses back Whumpee resolved to start scooting across the floor on their butt, holding their gushing wound with both hands and fighting for consciousness the whole time.

When Whumpee was halfway to the first aid kit however, they suddenly became aware of the sound of heavy footsteps rapidly becoming louder. They froze and pressed themselves up against the nearest cabinet, holding their breathe as they listened to Whumper's familiar footsteps run down the hall past the room they were in, then back a few seconds later, disappearing back the way they'd come and back into the depths of the compound. Whumpee gasped for air as they heard Whumper's footsteps disapear. There was was a sudden rush in their heartrate that didn't seem so dizzying, and a shock of renewed adrenaline ran through them that they used to leverage themselves to their knees to quickly crawl the rest of the way to the first aid kit.

The adrenaline had run out by the time they got there, and Whumpee teetered on the edge of consciousness as they pulled the first aid kit from it's box on the wall and flung it open. Breathing was getting so painful that Whumpee was beginning to wonder if the knife had punctured their lung after all.

Hang in there, they told themselves. You just need to stuff the wound. Whumpee collapsed against another set of cabinets. Most of their energy spent, and ran a bloody hand over the supplies in the kit, feeling rather than seeing for the packets of gauze. Instead their hands ran over something plastic and cylindrical. Hovering over it out of exhaustion more than curiosity, Whumpee quickly realized what they were feeling. It was an EpiPen.

It took Whumpee several seconds to figure out why their slowing heart leapt with joy at the feeling of the medical device under their finger tips. They didn't have any allergies, and though they'd been trained in how to use an EpiPen, they'd never had need to before.

Epinephrine. Adrenaline. Their mind sluggishly eked out the thought, followed by a half forgotten memory of Caretaker explaining to them how adrenaline worked by constricting blood vessels.

It was a terrible idea. Part of Whumpee knew that. But they were desperate, and probably not thinking straight. And they knew that if they didn't stop the bleeding somehow they were going to be dead soon anyway.

Slowly Whumpee's fingers closed around the EpiPen and they dragged it out of the first aid kit and towards their body. It took them several tries before they managed to get the safety cap off, but once they did they held it up with a shaking hand and hovered over a space just above their wound. They knew that when being used for it's intended purpose, you where supposed to stab the patient in a larger muscle. But when used for bleeding Whumpee considered that they wanted it as close to the veins they were trying to target as possible. Whumpee sucked in what they hoped wouldn't be their final breathe and bit the inside of their cheeks to gag their own scream then drove the pen into their muscle with all their remaining strength, pressing the button at the opposite end before the pain could paralyze them.

Please let this work. Whumpee prayed to any God that might be listening. This is my last hope. Please let this work.

Authors Note: I just want to reiterate that I am not a medical professional and am nearly 100% certain that Epipens can not actually be used to stop bleeding. Please don't try to use them for anything other than their intended purpose.

[shannaraisles]

Oh dear fluffy gods and all their plushies, WHY are people suddenly using the word “”degloved” to mean not wearing a glove? The word has an HORRIFIC meaning! Stop being lazy and just using the nearest word that sounds right! Seriously!

I realise it is a pretty niche word to immediately KNOW it doesn’t mean something innocuous, but it set off a shudder down my spine.

True definition of degloved under the cut - trigger warning: gore and traumatic injury.

To be degloved or to have a degloving injury means that all or the majority of skin, muscle, fat, and connective tissue has been stripped from a limb, usually a leg.

UNgloved means not wearing a glove.

[ichorandseafoam]

So the thing is over the summer I don’t take my adhd meds- I only take them during school. But I still got more, cause it was easier through the pharmacy that way. So I currently have a bunch of extra adhd meds. The other thing is that taking twice my dosage of adhd meds makes me actually able to function. (I’m meant to take it in the morning, I took it in the morning and then same amount in the afternoon). When I got my original prescription, I noticed a bit of an improvement, but it didn’t really make me more productive. With twice the amount, the executive dysfunction is like not an issue. I can do things that aren’t fun or interesting. It’s absolutely bonkers; my grades are better than ever and I feel so much less anxiety and self-loathing.

The problem is that eventually I will run out of my extra meds, and have to go back to the dose I’m meant to take. I want to ask my psychologist to increase my dose, as I know it will make me more productive, but I don’t want her to think I’m abusing them or anything.

[yandere-daydreams]

Screening: Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978).

Pairing: Yandere!Carlisle Cullen x Reader (Twilight).

Word Count: 2.1k.

TW: Wildly Unbalanced Power Dynamics, Medical Malpractice, Blood, Controlling Behavior, Deliberate Social Isolation, Misuse of Prescription Drugs, and Generalized Twilight. Dead Dove: Do Not Eat.

It might’ve just been the isolation getting to you, but you were starting to think that your doctor wasn’t completely human.

Not that you’d ever say so out loud. At best, it was awful thing to think about a man who’d only ever been kind to you and, at worst, it proved yet another symptom to your ever-developing, ever-worsening illness had cropped up and would need further treatment to correct. You knew better than to say things that would make you seem more sick than you already were, but it was hard to stop yourself from lingering on the idea – especially considering you only had books, sleep, and his company to pass the endless time. Admittedly, it’d been a while since you’d seen another person, but you could’ve sworn he was paler than he should’ve been, to the point of bloodlessness. He never ate or drank around you, but sometimes when he spoke, the light would catch on his teeth in a way that made them look too sharp, too prominent. You might’ve been dreaming, but once, after you took your medicine but just before you fell asleep, you swore you saw him taking the cap off of the blood sample he’d taken a few minutes prior, like he planned to do something aside from—

You heard a door open and instantly, your paranoia was dismissed in favor of more interesting stimuli. In this case, that came in the form of your doctor, Carlisle Cullen, stepping into your bedroom, an inhumanly perfect smile already painted across his inhumanly perfect lips.

…maybe you should tell somebody about your little conspiracy. If only to be absolutely sure that you were really losing your mind.

“Good morning,” he said, and it occurred to you that you hadn’t thought to check the time, yet. Your life existed in three states: alone, asleep, and with Carlisle. Only that last one really mattered – the other two could easily be lumped into the same category helpfully labeled ‘waiting for Carlisle’s next visit’. “Have you been keeping yourself busy?”

“I’ve only been awake for a couple hours,” you explained, shrugging as he took his usual seat in the chair left next to your bed. He was always polite enough to ask about the boring details of your day, and you were always embarrassed enough to skirt around just how little you had the energy for. Most of the time, it was all you could do to pull yourself out of bed and yourself to eat before retreating back into your little safe haven. On a good day, you’d be able to go for a walk, maybe respond to a few of the calls you were constantly missing, but most days weren’t very good. “Reading, mostly. Thanks again for the recommendation.”

The book he’d lent you – a dry historical drama with characters as bland as water and a plot as boring as sin – sat open on your lap, but you’d only gotten through half a chapter before giving up. It was hard to believe Carlisle was only a few years older than you, sometimes. You couldn’t imagine how someone who seemed so young could have such awful taste.

Still, he looked pleased, his pleasantly aloof expression taking on a defined note of satisfaction. “It’s important to keep your mind occupied while your body’s recovering. You wouldn’t want to waste all of my hard work by letting yourself die of boredom, now, would you?”

“No, doctor.” It was stupid to try, but he’d set himself up for it. You couldn’t seem to stop yourself, your heart beating just a little faster as you grasped blindly for the impossible. “You know, there’s this friend of mine who keeps asking when she’ll be able to visit, and I thought it might help pass the time if—”  

“You’ll have to find a way to let her down.” Carlisle’s voice was smooth, calm. You did your best not to sulk, but still, he let out a labored sigh, only a touch too professional to roll his eyes. “It’s for the best. It’s good that you stay active, but you know what’ll happen if you overexert yourself, don’t you?”

Vaguely. It was hard to remember the details of your condition, and you weren’t in the mood for another lecture. “I do, doctor.”

“And you’re going to behave your check-up, aren’t you?”

“I am, doctor.”

“And that’s why you’re my favorite patient.” Your compliance was rewarded with a beaming smile, an appeased nod as he pulled his old-fashioned leather doctor’s bag into his lap. “We better make good on that promise before you change your mind, then.”

You didn’t protest. Honestly, you didn’t say much of anything. You never talked during your exam, preferring to let Carlisle go through the necessary motions with as little interference as possible. Instead, he filled the silence with mindless chatter about his children and how they were doing at the local public school, the hospital’s ongoings since you were unofficially discharged, and your favorite – Forks’ particularly colorful smalltown gossip, from the sheriff’s wayward daughter moving back into town to the spike in bear sightings on the local hiking paths. “It’ll be a busy week,” he mentioned, as he finished taking your blood pressure. “You might have some unexpected company, after all.”

At that, you perked up. You met nearly all of Carlisle’s assistants (medical students, you guessed, judging by their ages) by now, and even if you didn’t care for all of them, it was still nice to see someone other than him. Your least favorites were the dark haired twins – the wiry boy who always seemed to be biting back a smirk and the pixie-like girl who always acted like she knew something you didn’t – and you were particularly fond of the blonde girl… Rosemary, or maybe Rosaline. She was nice, compassionate, kind enough to keep you company even when Carlisle wasn’t in the room. More importantly, she brought interesting books – romance and horror, novels like Dracula and Carmilla and Interview with a Vampire, always handing over with a sweet smile and a hushed reminder not to let Carlisle know she was breaking his rules. Looking back on it, you probably shouldn’t have accepted anything she tried to give you. You would’ve hated for her to get in trouble just because she was trying to be nice.

Rather than voicing your overwhelming bias, you watched intently as he slipped the loose cuff off of your arm, tucking it back into his bag and removing something else, something long and silver and sharp. Immediately, your gaze shot back to your lap, your throat going dry in an instant. The next time you managed to spit something out, it was nearly too quiet to be audible. “…is there any chance we could, uh, I don’t know,” You paused, shrunk into yourself. “…skip the phlebotomy, this time?”

Carlisle’s answer was as swift as it was ruthless. An airy laugh, a jagged twist to this smile as he took up the needle properly and turned it over in his hand, looking for defects. It was already attached the glass syringe and, even worse, an empty vial; just a touch bigger than you remembered it being, the day before. “And take that kind of risk? How little do you think of me, (Y/n)?”

“It’s not you, it’s just—I already feel a little faint, and you take one every day, and—” You cut yourself off, inhaling sharply. “I just don’t know if it’s really necessary. Considering how careful you are and everything.”

“You’re right, I am careful. Which is exactly why I have to do this each and every time I come to see you.” He sighed, shook his head – suddenly more of a patronizing, paternal figure than any kind of medical professional, let alone peer. “You understand, don’t you? Without regular testing, your condition may worsen, and if you get any sicker than you are now…” You stiffened as he trailed off, bracing yourself. You knew what came next, what always came next.

“You’ll have to go back to the hospital, angel.”

It was strange, how a voice as smooth and as beautiful as his could be so difficult to listen to.

You didn’t like Carlisle. You hated his condescending smile, his repetitive rambling, his terrible taste in books and his creepy little students. You hated how little he let you do, how he talked about your illness – always skirting around the details, never giving you enough information to know whether you were on the verge of dying or a few days away from making a full recovery. No, when you were honest with yourself, you didn’t like him. Hated him, even.

But you couldn’t go back to the hospital, with its blank white walls and sobbing patients and strange, mind-altering drugs that put your sleep and made you feel like someone was biting into your throat. It’d been a miracle when Carlisle first told you about his domestic services, when he offered to have you discharged in exchange for only the promise that you wouldn’t seek care that didn’t come from him. Arrangements were made, your rent and bills taken over by some nameless, faceless local charity, and for the first time in months, you got to go home. You could live with Carlisle and his once weekly, now daily check-ups. You could live with the fact that you didn’t remember the last time you’d gotten to make a decision for yourself.

And, if you had to, you could live with paying for your freedom in blood, too. As long as it meant you didn’t have to go back to that terrible place.

Once again, you didn’t say anything, but you didn’t resist as he sighed and ran a sterilizing pad over your forearm, the antibiotic strong enough to burn. You clenched your eyes shut, but that did nothing to block out the feeling of a thin elastic band being wrapped around the crook of your elbow, of his needle pushing through your skin and burrowing into the vein underneath it. There was a second of pressure, of knotted soreness, and then, the syringe was gone and you were left feeling just a little colder, just a little more empty than you had before.

Even after opening your eyes, you kept them trained on your lap. You easily could’ve spent the rest of his visit in silence, but metal clinked against glass as he rushed to cap his vial and suddenly, you needed to hear the sound of your own voice. “I think I might be getting paranoid,” you managed, with a breath of a laugh. “For a few minutes this morning, I was able to convince myself that you were… I don’t know, an alien studying humanity, or something.”

“If I was, I’m sure that I would still pick you as the best possible specimen for my examination.” It was hollow comfort, but you smiled anyway, nodding along. Your medication came next, in the form of a small, chalky white pill that you still struggled to swallow under Carlisle’s vigilant gaze. You managed to choke it down, though, and as always, the effects were instant; a sudden clearness, blankness, followed shortly by an exhaustion so thick and so heavy, you couldn’t remember what it’d ever felt like not to be tired. You tried to hold yourself up, but faltered – buckling under your own weight. Carlisle chuckled as he caught you, helping you lay down with a soft squeeze to your shoulder, a feather-light kiss to the top of your head. “Sleep, angel. It’s good for you.” And then, his grin still pressing into your scalp. “And try not to dream about vampires, this time.”

So he did know about Rosalie’s books. Pouting, you shrunk into yourself, letting him drag the comforter over your abruptly immobile body as your eyes eased shut, as he pulled away – a vial of your blood still warm in his hand. It would’ve been impossible to stop yourself from falling asleep, but you managed to stave off unconscious long enough to watch him remove the vial’s carefully applied seal, to unscrew the air-tight cap with the kind of tenderness you’d only seen him use while taking your temperature or petting his fingers through your hair after he thought you were already too far gone to remember. He did a lot of things when he thought you weren’t looking, didn’t he? You’d never really noticed that, before.

Through your eyelashes, you watched him bring the vial to his lips before everything went dark.

[konigsblog]

nurse!reader and patient!könig

tw: noncon, intoxication, misuse of medication

könig tried to be patient with you. he tried not to force himself onto you, but the more you flaunted your body to him, the more agitated he became. you'd give him medication, ones that made him dizzy and at ease, fucked-out stupid and giggly. he took everything you said either as a joke, or you flirting with him!

it was humilating when he'd grope you unexpectedly, breathing deeply into your ear through stuttered pleas, the tightness in his boxers only growing as he throbbed and ached.

könig eventually took matters into his own hands. he found your water bottle, taking the medication you usually gave him to make him all loopy and fuzzy, and poured it into your drink. you'd sat beside him, with laboured breathing, becoming a giggly mess!

in your vulnerable state, and through könig's pain in his arm, he pushed you down onto his medical bed, tearing your panties off and rolling up your uniform. he fucked his thick fingers into you; pumping them as they quickly got covered in sweet slick. all you could do was shake and sob quietly, feeling scared and weak against him. although, the way he rubbed your clit was driving you insane, moaning sweetly into his mouth between sloppy, drugged kisses.

you didn't even realise his intents at first, ‘til your patient was fucking his hard, big cock into your slicken, wet pussy! his tight balls smacking against your ass with each hard thrust. you gripped his shoulders, your legs pulled and forced over them, giving him a better advantage at fucking deeper into your swollen folds. you felt used; raw and sensitive. he chuckled, seeing you all drugged up on his medication was just driving him closer to the edge. his sensitive, pink tip began leaking more; pearly droplets of white cum oozing out the head of his twitching shaft.

he knew it was wrong, but he couldn't stop; he could only get faster, to release deep into you. tearstained cheeks and dizzy eyes looking into his silver ones, bucking and rutting into his little nurse until he was spurting thick ropes of seed into you, and you were clutching your gummy walls down around his girthy dick and squirting all down his bandaged abdomen.

you only realised what was happening when you woke up, panties soaken with cum and slick. :(((

[inuette]

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[anthonys237thfreckle]

i need need need headcanons for anthony with a gf who’s like got a career in STEM and she’s super smart and as an actor he’s amazed by her lmao.

this is so cute! thanks anon

I’m looking for a woman in STEM - Anthony Ramos x F! Reader

prompt: headcanons for Anthony who’s girlfriend is in STEM - i’ve picked biomed for a degree since my mom wanted me to do biomed in high school

TW: mentions of academic stress and panic attacks, mention of drugs used in medicine, mention of mental illness

🔬 when you both first met, and he first asked for where you graduated from, let me tell you - mans did NOT expect you to say ‘Cambridge’

🔬 ‘Oh, so like Cambridge College in Massachusetts?’

🔬 This man omg

🔬 When you said ‘No, England’ he felt goosebumps cause like ‘geez louise CAMBRIDGE?’ and when you casually said you did biomed he was like ‘wait what-’

🔬 ‘Me? Oh, I did Musical Theatre’ he says matter of factly, and you’d add ‘Oh, I played piano when I was in elementary-’

🔬 You’d be the definition of a perfect golden child. He knows that couldn’t have been easy

🔬 When you two do start dating, he’s always bragging ‘Oh my girlfriend does lab research for this new supplement for this drug for schizophrenia in children-’ HE’S A PRO YAPPER. Especially in interviews.

🔬 He’s so proud of everything you’ve done - doing medicinal research at NYMC (New York Medical College)

🔬 Maybe in the winter as you two are baking (you always make sure the measurements are perfect, never letting him measure anything out lol) he always says baking is an ‘art’

🔬 ‘Actually babe, it’s chemistry’ you’d chuckle, taking a bite out of some gingerbread cookies, and ever since, he’s jokingly kept a lab coat and goggles and chides you for ‘not tying your hair in the lab’.

🔬 You’d tell him about how hard high school and college was for you, having to get a scholarship, going to British private schools because the medicine industry is mad competitive and honestly, you need to show something off in your application.

🔬 You’d tell him how even though you did Cambridge IGCSE and A level courses all throughout high school, it was no match for what England had in store for you - panic attacks became a weekly thing.

🔬 I mean, you did Pure Math, Biology, Chemistry and Psychology A and AS levels for gods sake - its an absolute mindfuck.

🔬 He’s always there to reassure her how smart she is and that she’s human no matter what - that college is over, and the drug trials will end up great, and a bunch of kids will get some damn good medication.

🔬 He LOVES it when you come watch his shows and movies. It means the absolute world to him.

🔬 Soon, he kind of drifted away from theatre after Hamilton, and started in film, and would always get super excited whenever he’d get some remotely science-y role.

🔬 Like in In Treatment, he’d come to you for help for some advice on his role, on some deeper level analysis (not as deep as an actual therapist guys, just a psych student level) and you’d be squealing with pride when you see him on TV.

🔬 And when he got into the more Sci-Fi movies like Transformers, he’d tell you ‘it’s not that deep, baby.’ whenever he’d catch your brows furrow in confusion at the misuse of a niche scientific term

🔬 He’d be so happy when he landed Twisters, even though you weren’t a meteorology student, your use of organic chemistry would def have some revelations when watching Kate use some form of polycarbonate.

🔬 ‘they’re right! they use silver iodide for cloud seeding!” you’d giggle.

🔬 affectionately calls you ‘nerd’ all the time.

— for anyone not british, igcse is from grades 9-10 and a levels are a bit like AP! but like they have a lot of depth. you’re not expected to do more than three.

[ghostlyschizophrenic]

tw: drug misuse, suicidal thoughts, mentions of self harm, medication talk

kinda asking for advice but don’t feel pressured to read or give advice, it’ll be good for me to write this out anyway

my ativan is able to be refilled again… i’m debating if i even want to pick it up. i haven’t taken any in almost 3 weeks because i took pretty much my entire months prescription in one week and i already pushed the limit on getting more from my psychiatrist for that last prescription so i went kinda cold turkey for the last few weeks and after getting through the first few days of withdrawal its been okay-ish

my biggest fear isn’t me starting to abuse ativan again, it’s my access to it. i’ll probably start abusing it again, i’m not in a great place and i already have given in to other forms of s/h. i’m going through huge mood swings every day and i go from borderline manic to borderline suicidal within hours. sometimes the hypomania turns into mania for a few days and i don’t sleep more than an hour for a few nights and i take the ativan to come down. sometimes the depression really sets in and i plan my death and i just numb myself to stay alive.

i guess what scares me is if my comfort techniques stop working. i have to sleep with headphones playing my comfort playlist so loud i can’t think and my head kinda hurts because all i can think about is how much i wanna die and how id do it. i have always done self indulgent fantasies before bed and ive gotten to a point im having people talk me down in my fantasies, to save me, because i can’t do it on my own. i worry though that one day ill just give in, that in a moment of weakness i take too much. that i have so much pain that i can’t numb it without ODing

i would just not pick it up but i have been having frequent panic attacks and that’s WHY i’m prescribed this medication and going through intense fight or flight responses on a regular basis without help has been destroying my nervous system. also my doctor would know that i didn’t and i don’t want to have to explain why

idk, it feels like a lose-lose situation. i had panic attacks this frequently before and in such specific situations i developed a trauma response to the area id have them that still triggers me almost 10 years later and i just don’t want to go through it again, i really really don’t. but i also don’t want to die, no matter how much my suicidal thoughts want me to.

inherently, instinctively i want to live. i’m so so close to living the life ive always wanted and it’s so close my mouth waters for it. i just… i feel like no matter what choice i make im being pulled back down.

fuckin sisyphus-ass situation

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

aita for not enabling my friends eating disorder?

tw for eating disorders and misuse of medications for weight loss ⬇️

so recently my friend K has been really irritable and snappy with me lately. it's probably because she hasn't been eating a lot and has been losing a lot of weight really fast. i'm not here to blame or belittle her for her ed as i have also had an anorexia problem in the past but she's being a huge bitch and has terminated our entire friendship over ozempic. fucking OZEMPIC

for some background we are both in high school and live with our parents and my mom is a type 2 diabetic who just started taking ozempic. because of this my mom started losing a lot of weight on account of the decrease in appetite and this really inspired K.

so one day she had the gall to ask me to STEAL MY MOMS OZEMPIC just so she could lose a few pounds. this completely threw me over the edge because it was hard enough actually getting my mom the ozempic because of PEOPLE LIKE HER who only want to use it for weight loss are buying it all up and making it harder for people who actually need it to get ahold of it.

she tried to convince me and even bribe me to get it for her. i obviously said no because my mom needs it to LIVE and it escalated into a huge argument. she even had the gall to bring up the fact that she helped me through my ed and that wasn't willing to help her through hers. which is two entirely different things?? I was just starving myself and therefore not hurting anyone but my self and not trying to bribe someone to get me their fucking diabetes medication that they need to live.

(i'm also like 99% sure that K didn't do any research as to what ozempic is bc she is someone whos terrified of needles and wont come near one you and need to inject ozempic into your body. and secondly there is no way in any universe in which I steal the pen for her and its not obvious that i took it since theres only one pen per box and is only enough for one month of injections. theres no way my mom wouldnt notice)

anyway we haven't spoken in weeks and I miss my best friend. I wish we could talk again but K was being a huge asshat and I need to know if this was worth losing our friendship over. so aita here?

What are these acronyms?

[cowgurrrl]

Don't Let This Darkness Fool You

Summary: Joel's journey to sobriety [1.1k]

Author's note: idk how i feel about this

Warnings: 18+ MINORS DNI, ANGST, TW ADDICTION, misuse of drugs and alcohol, mention of Sarah's death and Ellie's time in FEDRA school, chronic pain, symptoms of withdrawal, Joel trying to make peace with his past, happy ending

The first time Joel goes to a meeting, he sits in the back and says nothing. He watches person after person get up and talk at the front of the room like it's the easiest thing in the world. He doesn't move. He can barely breathe in the musty church rec room as he listens to their stories and finds pieces of himself in each. The survivor left to carry on when everyone else died or left; the bereaved parent; the ruthless dealer shaking down clients to make ends meet; the addict.

Joel never felt the need to examine his relationship with substances. He drank and smoked and made bad decisions as a teenager and into young adulthood, which is partly how he became a single parent at twenty-two. After Sarah was born, he didn't have the time or energy to party anymore. Sure, he had a beer or two here, but never anything close to a bender. He always had to wake up for work and make sure Sarah got to school on time. He would just be setting himself up for failure if he drank heavily.

Then Sarah died, and nothing mattered anymore. The FEDRA doctor gave him a bottle of painkillers for the stitches on the side of his head, and he never thought twice about it. At first, it was manageable. A drink here, some pills there. His kid had just died. He was allowed to grieve however he wanted to, or that was his reasoning, at least, when it became harder to get under control. He would go from being fine to the throes of withdrawal and back to the hazy stupor that rendered him incapable of function. It was a cycle. One that Tess and Tommy hated, but he was always sober when they needed him to be, or he tried to be.

That entire year spent with Ellie, he was more scared of what would happen if he did touch the stuff than if he didn't. His objective was no longer how fast he could get his next fix. It was how fast he could get Ellie fed or somewhere safe. When they finally settled in Jackson, he felt like he could relax without the help of a neat whiskey or a handful of menacing white pills. He was good. He kicked his nasty little habit that followed him for decades and cold turkey at that. He was fine. Until the trauma from the previous twelve months finally caught up with him.

His back was permanently fucked up from falling off the horse in Colorado. He got horrible headaches, which were probably the result of one too many hits to the head and neck. His wrist clicked in pain every time he moved it too fast, and he couldn't sleep. The Jackson doctor cautiously prescribed him anti-anxiety medication and painkillers. And goddammit, if those little pills didn't make him feel the tiniest bit better. He could feel the spiral start again but was too scared to voice it or ask for help.

It wasn't until that night when he stumbled home drunk and a little high after a patrol shift and found Ellie doing homework at the dinner table. He slurred an apology, and she eyed him like a dangerous stranger when he sat across from her. They got into a fight. Joel doesn't remember what it was about, but he remembers going to bed feeling stone-cold sober even though the alcohol was still thrumming through his veins. In the morning, Ellie admitted that she hated when he drank because it reminded her of the FEDRA soldiers loudly coming home from QZ bars. Drunk men with authority and weapons are enough to scare anyone, let alone a little girl. Joel promised her it would never happen again, and he fully intended to keep his promise, but he'd be lying if he said it was easy to quit.

His hands shook in pain for the first few days, and he constantly felt sick. He was sweaty and irritable and uncomfortable. It didn't help that the other patrolmen would ask him to join them for a drink after patrols. He almost folded once. He was almost over the threshold of the Tipsy Bison before he doubled back and ended up at Tommy's door, crumpling in on himself from pain and withdrawal. It was Tommy who mentioned something about the drug addict's anonymous support group. "I'll even come with ya." His brother offered as he rubbed his back like Joel was a fussy infant instead of a grown man.

So, that's how Joel found himself white-knuckling his way through a DAA meeting with Tommy at his side. Tommy assured him that everything said in the meeting was privileged and couldn't leave the church doors. Joel was safe to say anything, and he would receive support. Still, he was so scared. He just sat and watched. It would take two more months of tears, sleepless nights, and fighting temptation before he found the strength to walk down to the front of the room.

"Hi, my name's Joel and… I'm, uh," he stumbled. "I'm an addict." He shared the bits of his story he felt comfortable sharing, but his hands wrung nervously the whole time. He was waiting for the room to turn on him or for the world to end (again), but it didn't. He said the worst things about himself and everything was… fine. "I just… wanna do better for my," he breathed deeply. "For my Ellie." He awkwardly thanked the group and moved to sit back down when the group leader, a kind-looking woman named Shawna, stopped him.

"How long have you been sober, Joel?" She asked softly, and he cleared his throat.

"'Bout four months, ma'am." He said, and she quickly turned to grab something out of her bag. Before he could ask what she was looking for, she pressed a dented circle into his hand and smiled.

"Now, it ain't as pretty as the ones back in the day, but you should be just as proud." She said before encouraging the group to applaud Joel. He felt silly receiving the praise, but when he sat back down, he couldn't ignore how much better he felt.

He didn't look at what Shawna gave him until after the meeting. He thought it was a personal thing he should see only when alone. He waited until his boots were off and he was comfortable on the couch before fishing the wonky thing out of his pocket and looking at it. It was obviously made from scrap pieces of metal, and the engraving was all wrong, but the words "4 months sober" still made him beam with pride. Joel stared at it for a few minutes before walking upstairs to Ellie's empty room and scribbling a note on her desk.

When Ellie gets home from studying with Dina and Jesse, she finds the coin on her desk beside a note in Joel's blocky handwriting. It reads, "Every single one is for you. It's all for you."

[murder-cookie-dust393]

I saw the yandere hcs for lord Oyster and I saw the ending of them comforting and thought it was kinda cute so I'll bite for hcs! I got an idea for a type of reader I don't see often but I find the trope interesting. May I ask for hcs of a yandere clotted cream x poor reader?

Bonus little addition to reader if you want: maybe, to make it by, reader works really hard...day and night...and often neglects themselves, like they skips meals, barely sleeps due to a mixture of work and stress, work themselves to the bone just to make sure they have a roof over their head and food on the table?

Just always curious how yanderes react to a love like that lol! Sorry if this sounds weird! Just stumbled upon the idea of poor reader and thought it was interesting!

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND- I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO THOUGHT THE POOR MC TROUPE WAS INTERESTING.

[disclaimer: I’ve never had such a situation so I’m just going off of other people’s experiences]

Tw: spying through documents..?, Hierarchy misuse(?), Clotted gaslights ppl

• Let’s say MC is like a cook or something for idk any form of public gatherings. They work their arms off trying to quickly get lots of food cooked- that tastes good enough.

• Even if more they have lots of co-workers, they still have to do so much to have enough for so many people. Hell, they’re still cooking to keep making enough while the gatherings go on.

• Clotted Cream found a little defect in his food, maybe a dessert that was a bit undercooked. So he quickly sneaks into the kitchen to tell one of the chefs, just so they could fix the food before anyone makes a commotion. After all, he is a very kind-hearted, empathetic consul isn’t he…?

• He ends up talking to MC, showing the small defect. To his surprise, MC is panicking like crazy, afraid of losing their job. They quickly go out to the foods and take the tray of the desserts with a defection and shove it in the oven. They’re thanking him greatly, bowing a few times.

• Clotted Cream notices their hands look a little wrecked, with a few bandages over their fingers. “…Say, are your hands alright? They look to be in a quite- rough state.”

• MC is surprised at the question, answering that they have to work a lot to get the food out in time.

• Clotted Cream ends up talking to them longer than needed, and he’s- interested to say the least. He wonders what they’re life is like, given he was adopted into a noble household.

• Clotted Cream ends up scouring through official files to scour more information about them…He ends up seeing all the bills MC is paying, it could be literally anything: debt, medical, whatever. He feels an odd sense of pity? Or is it…something more humane?

• He ends up throwing himself into a hole of complete curiosity- and soon obsession. He wants to know more about their life, how they survive their endless hours of work. He works endless as well- but not in the way they do.

• At every public gathering, [where they’re serving food] he’s talking to them more than he is to the guests, always asking questions about their life and how they’re doing.

• At some point, he can’t take it anymore, seeing them suffer to keep their surviving. So one day, MC finds that all the bills they had to pay are just gone. Paid for. It confused them.

• The next day, MC goes over to the bill issuer, questioning things. Which the bill issuer responds, “Oh, a cookie came in and said he was your fiancé so he paid them all for you.”

• MC, absolutely flabbergasted, tries to question the bill issuer, wondering who the cookie was. But the bill issuer didn’t know. Only noticing he had green eyes. He’s in a disguise.

• MC goes back home, confused af. For one thing, they don’t even have a fiancé, and two, they don’t even know who this dude is.

• Meanwhile, Clotted Cream is laying in his bed, giggling like some girl that has a stupid school crush. He couldn’t believe he managed to get away with it! Not that it would matter, he could easily trick people into thinking the two of you were engaged.

• A few days later, when MC comes home from a long day at work, they notice literally ALL of their stuff is packed up. And guess who comes out from the closet with clothes in his hands? That’s right, sir fucking Clotted Cream.

• Before MC can even question him, he pressing a kiss to their cheek and smiling. “I’m just getting everything ready for you to move in with me! Don’t worry darling, this is the last of everything.”

• MC can try everything to question and defy him, but he’s just pulling the “I’m sir Consul, I can ruin your life. Now love me.”

• Poor MC, going from poor to confused and weirded out.

• If MC is compliant, he’s a needy mf, who’s super affectionate behind closed doors. Constantly giving them hugs and compliments.

[Ok- ngl this was self-indulgent. I would say this is my longest post on here lmao]

- Celina

[incremates]

dabi's scarring/physicality in canon and post canon. tw for general body horror/body yuckiness/body trauma/burnt flesh talk/medical talk below:

the first thing to note here is that at the time he's sixteen, 70% of his body is burnt beyond recognition, or so garaki informs. now almost a decade later, dabi's body is now roughly 85% burnt. despite the 15% increase, the 85% comes from careful calculation on dabi's part rather than reckless overuse of his quirk. while dabi's personality changes and regresses around endeavor, he's actually a calculated individual outside of those interactions. we see that expressed multiple times throughout canon, and there's no way he could've survived this long if he wasn't both cautious and smart when it comes to his own body.

the sheer amount of burns means he has to be incredibly careful with how he moves. fortunately (or perhaps the opposite) for him, he expresses that he doesn't "feel" much of the pain anymore. while this is true for new wounds, i don't believe this is the case for old wounds. for any time he reopens a wound, or a new inch of skin is burnt, he will be feeling in in a matter of days. he handles this chronic pain by misusing narcotics and stolen prescription meds.

onto the nature of his wounds. it can be hard to discern exactly how this purplish-raised skin acts. does it behave like normal skin, is it scar tissue, is it a scab? in truth, it's a bit of all three. naturally, when his quirk is activated from the same spots, the same places will be injured over and over again. overuse of his quirk will then cause the burns to spread farther and farther out from the origin point of the quirk activation.

that said, let's start at the point of origin.

as we see from the flashbacks provided, toya's flames manifest around his chest. as he continues to train, he discovers that he can manifest them on his arms. given the patterns of the scarring, he can also manifest them on his back. those three points are going to burn the hottest for the longer periods of time.

because of that, the area right around those origin points act more like scabs than tissue or skin. this is what reopens/re-burns the most when his quirk is activated. these areas also hold the most amount of nerve damage, so it's less felt when these wounds are tampered with. they often crack when turning or extending. occasionally, these wounds have to be dressed and tended to, so infection doesn't grow.

onto the area near the origin points. this would be his sides, up his arms, down his legs, and his neck. this acts more like new scar tissue. this will be the "brightest" shade of purple, as it's not too far off from being in a scab-like state. this will re-tear if there's too much extension or use. these areas are also the second most likely to reburn, pulling it back to a scab-like state, and must be rehealed. these areas actually hold the most amount of pain, since it's in this incomplete state between scab and scar tissue.

the areas farthest from quirk origin points. these areas include his hands, cheeks, feet, and eyes. these points operate the closest like normal skin, though can't be considered so. they are still horrifically burnt, but act more like older scar tissue than new scar tissue or scabs. these areas don't provide too much pain until it's reburnt. then, because these areas have the most amount of nerves, it causes dabi quite a bit of pain. these are the most tangible, and can take some movement before splitting.

i want to briefly point out his joints and motion spots. no matter how "healed" they are, any over-extension will cause pain and may even split. this is mainly seen on his lips. when smiling or expressing too wide, the corners of his lips will split and bleed. i want to draw attention to dabi's "blood" tears for a moment. since his tear ducts are burnt, he's unable to cry. this causes internal bleeding and eventually drip out of his cheek wound.

onto upkeep of these wounds. we've all seen the staples. my dabi wears gold, by the way, instead of silver. the staples are meant to keep the skin from sloughing off. it promotes the healing of tissue and tendons beneath, but it's primarily to keep the skin on his body. otherwise, he'd likely die of hypothermia as the skin burns of sloughs off. the placement of the staples are updated as needed, but as i mentioned before dabi is very careful about overuse of his quirk. it's not until after meeting endeavor that the staple placements have to be adjusted. after a hard mission or after taking some hits, he may have to re-staple himself, but that's out of bodily injuries caused TO him, rather than something he does himself.

if the staples are removed, his body parts will hang by the tendon alone!

his daily routine does have to be modified in order to accomodate for these wounds and the chronic pain accompanied with it. when showering, he must be careful of how long these wounds are exposed to water. his showers have to be relatively quick, and relatively cool. afterwards, he has to fully dry and be incredibly careful that no moisture is left on the wounds before dressing. in addition to showering, he also prefers to wear loose clothing, as tight clothes tend to up against the wounds and cause them to re-open or rip from the staples. dabi also sleeps a lot. not only is he a creature who enjoys routine, sleep helps the healing process, and more often than not, he can nap or sleep for a few hours.

geten also mentioned the smell, so i think it's important to note as well. he remarks that toya smells like burning flesh, and that is absolutely true. he regularly smells like charcoal or "burnt". along with this, he smells like tobacco from the cigarettes he smokes, and very... chemical from the hair dye he uses.

onto post-canon. first of all, this is what he canonly looks like.

yikes. now this form is created because of the "supernova" toya becomes, which seems to completely burn his body, and almost replace his internal organs with a glowing blue flame. here, though, we see that his eyes are returned to him and he can look upon his family. he seems to retain vision there, too - so it's not just an aesthetic addition.

in my post-canon verse, this supernova that toya becomes is a result of the quirk given to him in the final war. rather than actually cause life-ending damage to his insides, the quirk was contained in itself and spared him death. instead, the burns and injuries we see above are due to his body's natural inclination to not handle such intense heat. at this point, toya is being treated like a severe burn patient. he'll stay in this fancy tube for around 3-4 months. while in this tube, he's mostly in a coma-esque state, only being awake for a single hour a day to talk to his family.

after 4 months, there will have been enough internal healing to be able to transfer into the burn ward of a villain hospital. here, he's more conscious and more "with his senses", rather than the regressed state we saw in the final war. he starts mandated counseling sessions during this time, and lawyers are finally able to take his statements for proper sentencing. skin grafts and plastic surgeries begin at this time to help restore his appearance.

after another 4-5 months in the burn ward, he will be transferred to a more "residential" area of the hospital. at this point, he's able to be awake most of the day. he also starts physical therapy. it's important to note that toya will never be "able-bodied" again. his nerves are too damaged, and it's just not possible for him to live on his own. he starts learning to walk again, using forearm crutches to help his gait. he practices using his hands again, though he'll never be able to write. he also undergoes speech therapy to be more easily understood. he starts to look more like himself after the plastic surgeries, which will continue to take place every few months until his appearance is fully restored.

after about a year of intense treatment, toya is finally released to natsuo's and fuyumi's care. toya's quality of life does have a sway on his sentencing. because of that, he's sentenced to house arrest under the care of the two listed before. endeavor is the last person he needs to be with from a mental standpoint, given enji is his abuser and the one who neglected him time and time again. rei, herself, is in no place to be taking care of him, either.

he chooses to go with natuso, as they were bonded the most. as he adjusts to this new quality of life, he does have mandated intense therapy. toya will never be able to use his quirk post-canon. he "can", by technicality, but he's in such a fragile state, despite looking more healed than ever. it would be a bad idea, and the grafted skin can easily split again. in general, he's too weak to even muster the strength to conjure a flame. despite the state his body is in by the end of it all, he's finding peace at last.