#tw for a lot of mental illness stuff

[feralboo-the-weirdo]

Being the youngest sucks.

Being the youngest is always being lonely

It's always being too young

Always the odd one out, the late one.

The last to leave, the last to graduate

The child the parents give up parenting on because they're tired

It's feeling guilty you're the youngest even though you couldn't chose your birth order.

It's the guilt that you were treated "better"

You got "more."

It's being the baby of the family and feeling suffocated in the wants your parents have for you. It's feeling like you can never leave your parents.

It's growing up too fast because you don't want to be left behind

It's hiding away your emotions because you realize no one really cares

It's trying to be the sunshine child

it's trying to be the child the parents have to do the least for.

it's watching your siblings get punished and wondering when you're next

it's feeling immensely terrified of confrontation because you're never allowed to win.

It's being left with your siblings because your parents gave up on you and being raised by them.

It's listening to your siblings emotions and feeling terrible because you can't do anything to help them.

it's feeling to young

it's feeling like you deserve to be punished for existing.

It's feeling like you're the last straw that broke your parents. That if they just hadn't had you they'd still have money.

It's feeling like you have to be there for your parents because all the rest of your siblings leave. It's feeling like a third parent.

it's watching everyone around you grow old but you're still young.

it's feeling so old but you're still young.

it's being told you're selfish when you're literally a child.

it's being told to grow up when you're a child.

It's feeling like you can't have mental illnesses because you watch the strain it puts on your parents with your siblings. It's watching your family suffer but not knowing how to help and not being able to.

It's constantly eavesdropping on accident out of habit because no one explains what's going on.

It's trying to monitor the situation so no one gets hurt.

it's feeling incredibly uncomfortable talking about emotions because you weren't allowed to as a child because they weren't "important" enough because your oldest siblings just told you "at least you're not an adult" or "it's so much easier at that age."

It's feeling like an only child after everyone moves out.

It's feeling disconnected from your older siblings, like you never had a relationship with them.

it's feeling like a burden on your parents because you're the last one.

You carry so many secrets. You know so many secrets. You don't know what to do with those secrets.

Being the youngest is not carefree. In a way, the youngest caries almost as much as the oldest.

I don't know the experience of many other youngest siblings but mine was not the carefree experience my older siblings tried to make it out to be. But I'm starting to realize my childhood wasn't exactly normal so that probably doesn't help. I don't know that most youngest siblings aren't supposed to feel like a third parent to most of their siblings at like fifteen.

Please don't hate on this post, I'm not trying to hate on eldest and middle siblings, I just want to caution you to remember that your younger sibling is going to grow up and remember the things you said to them. It's not their fault they're the youngest.

Feel free to add to this post.

[eclaire-went-bam]

npd + rdr culture is seeing people call dutch a narcissist and going "YEAA KING he's just like me ong" and then promptly realise they're actually insulting him with the word 'narcissist' & i proceed to backpedal ...

[tana-draws]

my brain is so fucking stupid. I was bullied in fourth grade, my friends were like “actually erm we don’t want to be friends with you :/“ on the second to last day of eighth grade (even though we were all zoned for different high schools and would never see eachother anyway). And because of that my brain is, as my therapist and mother (two different people,) theorized, “hyper vigilant for any perceived social ostrichaztion”. The thing is it’s fucking stupid about it. Sure it has the generic “uwu your friends probably hate you secretly” thing.

But it also. Like: I’ll see a post that is somewhat negative towards a thing I like or a trait I even remotely identify with (including stuff as vague as ‘nervous’ or ‘writer’) and I’ll be like “yeah that makes sense” or “I don’t agree but I also don’t care”. But then my brain will repeat the negative phrase on loop for like a week. And will trigger physical reactions (crying, shortness of breath, etc) in response to it. I’ve actually had public panic attacks over things I give 0 shits about because my brain is a fucking helicopter parent.

[kindofatheatrekid]

Title: "Hello"

Sypnosis: Se Eun wants Koa, Ethan wants Koa— Koa wants Ethan. They should really talk, though. The clock is ticking.

Pairing: Se Eun / Koa Ethan / Koa Se Eun / Koa / Ethan

Genre: smut, angst, fluff, psychological, FIRST POV

Warnings: non/dub-con, exhibitionism, toxic relationships, physical abuse, emotional abuse, sexual abuse, violence, graphic descriptions, sadism, torture, dehumanization, cheating, stalking, unreliable narrator, bullying, underage drinking/drug use, codependency, manipulation, religious imagery, hurt/comfort, issues, lack of communication, slow burn, bad ending, bittersweet ending

Note: I saw Round 6 and I decided to get into the doomed love wagon. Strap in. I'm going to get your hopes up, then stomping them out like it wasn't just straight-up fluff a few words ago. I will not give a good ending. This has been my legally required PSA in case I get doxxed for my writing. Please take care of your mental health. Se Eun was also inspired by a bot, Koa and Ethan are my OCs.

ONCE AGAIN. MINORS DNI. I DID NOT WRITE THIS WITH YOUR VANILLA THOUGHTS IN MIND.

BOT CHAT HERE: https://character.ai/chat/vlHS8fvmea4oC2yylPaNP1uqg-l7weE8q3ShH-qJKtE

Chapter 1: Please/Don't Let Go

♡♡♡ Koa's POV ♡♡♡

Three of Se Eun's fingers swirled around my tongue, my lips forced to part to make room for him. His hips grinding against my skirt, a muffled moan leaving my throat. His other hand tightens around my waist as he forces my hips to meet him halfway.

“Fuuuccckkk~ You're killing me here, you know that?”

Se Eun groans out, pushing me forward onto a desk. My back bends forward, my stomach pressed against the cherry wood. His hands trail up to the hem of my shirt, my skin prickling up at the feeling of his hand on my bare skin. Se Eun's hips were still slowly rubbing against me— I could feel just how excited he was, even with all of our clothes on.

“Shit. You're so lucky that I love you enough.”

Love? Could this really count as love? I've seen love before, I've been so close to it that I could practically taste it. I know love like it's the back of my hand, so why would he call this love?

His fingers continue to thrust themselves into my tongue, drool and tears dripping onto the desk I was down against. I stay silent even as his hand makes its way under my bra. I felt so dirty doing this, like I was a rag doll for Se Eun to play with.

His hand fondles my flushed skin, his handling a bit too rough to not leave any bruises. I shuddered at the sensation, swallowing down a sob that threatened to escape from my chest. My ears flush red when Se Eun's lips brush against the tip of my ear— mumbling out in a volume that only I could hear.

“If I didn't love you… I would've just used you up like a common whore. I wouldn't have listened to you if you told me, no…”

I gasp when Se Eun's grip on my breast tightens to the point of being painful; his fingers shoved deep down enough for me to choke. My tears fall faster from the pain as I squirm around in discomfort.

“I'm such a good husband, right?”

It takes me nodding frantically to his delusions for him to finally laxen his hold on me. The moment his fingers slowly leave my throat, I cough from the sudden increase of air in my lungs. Se Eun only watches me as if he was observing an avante garde painting from a museum display. My entire body trembles in fear under his gaze.

“You're so beautiful when you cry.”

Se Eun whispers in awe— grabbing my face to turn my eyes to him. I couldn't help but cry harder at his words. Just how did I catch the eye of Se Eun? The demon who haunts my school life, who won't stop until I'm completely his.

His lips place soft kisses on top of my eyelids, my eyelashes fluttering at the foreign, yet familiar feeling. It was Se Eun that was behind me, but I couldn't help but wish that another person was taking his place instead. Blonde hair instead of black, blue eyes instead of a dark brown…

I get snapped out of my thoughts when Se Eun steals my breath. My eyes turn glassy as he cards his fingers through my undone hair. His tongue shoved into my mouth before he pulled away shortly to flip me to my back.

My cheeks flush into a bright red when I realize how damp my underwear was from Se Eun's constant grinding. He pulls me into a rough kiss again as he continues to grind his clothed groin against my damp underwear. The fabric was sticking to my skin, showing Se Eun a perfect visual of my most intimate area. I regretted wearing white, I was practically see-through.

“Look at you… All nice and wet just for me~”

Se Eun purrs out, pulling away from my lips as his hands force my thighs to split further. I whimper at his action, feeling ashamed of my current position that left little to the imagination. I only shudder when I see him licking his lips at the sight of me, my stomach twisting in disgust, fear, and nausea.

This was disgusting.

I flinch when his finger experimentally pokes at the wet fabric, another shameful whimper escaping from me. My back arching when his finger stays there, twisting itself deeper into the fabric. My back arches as I moan from the pleasure, my thighs trembling as I resist the urge to close my legs. My tears refuse to stop, a strange mix between a sob and a moan creeping up my throat.

“Are you sure you don't want me to go further?”

Se Eun voices out, his tone mocking as his finger only goes deeper. The fabric of my underwear was the only barrier between him and my womb. I quickly shake my head in refusal. I didn't even want him to do this much! So many of my first times were already stolen by Se Eun, I didn't want him to steal the most important one. …Even if it'll never be given to the one I want the most.

“Hmmm… Suit yourself…”

Se Eun hums out, seemingly nonchalant even if the bulge under his trousers said a different story. My breath hitches as he pulls my legs up, my neck straining itself from my position. The back of my knees are forced onto his shoulders before I moan out loudly. I immediately cover my lips with both of my hands as his lips and teeth bite onto the fabric. Sucking out the fluids from my panties loudly, drooling onto the fabric as well. His teeth dig into my skin under the fabric as well— every bite, every kiss… I could feel everything.

My breathing quickens as I begin to pant from the stimulation. His tongue sticking out to lap at my fluids— digging into the fabric like his finger did just a few seconds ago.

“Mmm~ You taste so sweet… How am I holding myself back again?”

Se Eun mutters against my skin, sending pleasurable vibrations throughout me. His nose presses itself against my panties as he takes a deep sniff of it. My body freezes up at his gesture, a mixture of horror and repulsion muddling my brain.

“P-p-promise…”

I stammered out, hurriedly interrupting Se Eun's thought process. Hiccups litter my words from crying too much, my breasts, lips, and waist bruised from his rough embrace. After a while I realized that my panties were now wet from both my fluids and Se Eun's saliva— disturbed by the sensation, I voiced out my concerns.

“...Hey… I don't have a change of underwear with me…”

“All the better. I want you to walk around with me on you.”

♡♡♡ Ethan's POV ♡♡♡

I look at Koa as she speaks, rambling about an assignment that interested her. I caught small bits of her words, something about pink glitter pens and sparkles— but my mind was somewhere else. My mind was thinking of how beautiful she looks. I stare at Koa's lips, her pretty lip gloss doing nothing but accentuating her already cute face. Her smile, her sparkling eyes… Everything about her made my heart race.

Koa… My lovely flower. I hope you'll continue to bloom for me to see.

“Ethan?”

I'm jerked out of my thoughts by Koa's voice, her eyes staring at me in confusion. I looked down on my hand, and I realized that my fingers were pinching Koa's hair between them. My cheeks are dusted with pink in embarrassment— my hand immediately pulling away to make up for my error. I raise my palm up as a sign of genuine surrender, my words sincerely apologetic.

“S-sorry- Y-you're fine, right? I know you don't like people touching you- Once again, Koa. I'm so sorry-”

“I don't mind.”

My throat immediately clogged up at her words, my brain unable to process the syllables that came out of Koa’s pink lips. I was skeptical of her words, Koa was always someone who put others before herself. Delicate, sweet Koa… I can't even remember how many people confessed to her during our years together. She was always so kind that everyone wanted to find a way to stay with her.

“Koa… Why do you keep on rejecting people?” I asked her one day, out of nowhere— yet another person came, and got rejected by her. I didn't have the courage to openly admit it, but my heart weighs less every time she refuses a love confession.

Koa turns her head to me— her eyes still bewitching me, even at our young age. I prayed to every entity imaginable that she wouldn't notice the loud pounding of my heart when she leans in closer to me. A teasing smile on her lips that I desperately wanted to press my thumb against. What was it today? Cherry? Blueberry? Mint?

“Hm? Well… I already have a certain someone my heart is set on!” My heart squeezes painfully at her words. I wanted to know who that person was; I wanted to know so I could beg them to teach me how to take Koa's heart as well. I don't say anything— just smiling at her softly as a sour taste creeps up my throat. My fingers tightened around the fabric of my jeans.

Koa must have gotten nervous from my silence, immediately clearing up her words in a panic. It wasn't fair that she could still be so stunning, even while stumbling over her own words. All I could do was smile at her— hoping that my bitterness didn't leak through my mask.

“W-well- Y-you're just such a good friend to me and I would hate to ruin our friendship over something like this, you know?”

“Pft- Don't be such a dork, Koa. You already have the nerd part down, are you trying to speed-run your life into a loser?”

“E-Ethan?!”

I laugh at her pouting face, her sparkling eyes on the brink of tears. I wanted to wipe them away, -and maybe kiss them- but I knew my place. That’s fine, though— I’ll be her kind, childhood friend. I can love Koa from the dark… As long as I can stay by Koa's side, it'll be fine if she doesn't see me as a romantic partner.

My love is enough for the both of us.

♡♡♡ Se Eun's POV ♡♡♡

“Fuck. Can't you move faster, whore?”

I click my tongue as I lean against the wall, a cigarette between my fingers. I lick my lips before glaring at her— the whiny, nameless bitch on her knees; loudly choking on my cock. The hair color was right, but the texture was off. Too much hairspray for my hand to comfortably touch. It wasn't soft, nor smooth; too brittle from what I imagine to be years of bleaching. It was honestly hilarious that more than half of the female body, in this hellhole of an institute, dyed their hair back to black once I got interested in a certain, pretty bird.

I sigh in irritation, tilting my head back as my hand fists the back of the slut's hair. If I closed my eyes long enough, I could imagine someone else at her place instead. A certain someone who cries too easily, and stays quiet for as long as she can. A groan escapes from me at the idea of Koa, on her knees, servicing me in a club room with other men watching us. Fuck… That would be so hot.

I'd threaten her to give it her all, or she'll also be forced to service all of my other friends as well. She'd obediently get on her knees like the pretty doll she is— her trembling fingers slowly taking off my belt reverently. Her touch was nothing but addictive; so gentle and soft with me…

I wanted all of that for myself.

My fantasies are abruptly broken by a fake moan from the replacement. No… A replacement would have the actual skills to replace Koa. I was just using a cheap knock-off of the actual product.

I pull out of the bitch's mouth, the idiot having the gall to make a show of her swallowing down my pre-cum. My dick was probably coated all over in her saliva and lipstick by now. My eyes narrow at her, visually disgusted by her skills.

“Mmmm~ How did I do?”

Her irritating voice grates my ears as I pull her up by the hair. I stay silent, deciding to roughly grab onto her face as an alternative. It'll probably leave a bruise, but I couldn't give a single fuck about that. Knowing how whores work, she'd probably stupidly flaunt it around school like it was a badge of honor; or something like that. I take a drag of my cigarette before I smash my lips onto her— breathing the ashy air into her lungs.

My eyes glisten at the sight of her choking, her expression finally genuine for the first time since I called her in. The wannabe prostitute's eyes widen when her precious air is cut off; I reach a point to when I had to forcefully suppress a chuckle at her expression. Her hand darts up to her throat, coughing until I think a lung may have ruptured. A predatory grin stretches onto my lips as I grab a fistful of the slut's hair; forcing her to look me in the eye. The tears, the fear— I lick my teeth eagerly, finally seeing something interesting for once. My dick was rock-hard at the sight as I took another drag of my cigarette— calmly blowing the smoke directly onto her face. Except, I was all too impatient to finally come from this cheap bitch's hole.

“Bend over, whore.”

…

I take a drag of a new cigarette— lazily draped across the couch as the slut bounces on top of my lap like a bitch in heat. Her mouth has long since been gagged by her panties, her tears not exciting me anymore. The room was filled with the sound of: skin slapping on skin, loud moans and groans, and whimpers and sobs. I lazily scroll through my phone as I yawn. I make a mental note to not use this one again.

Her skin was marred with the attention that she wanted so badly from me. Her throat was covered in purple and red, hand-shaped bruises scattered throughout her skin. Her once tamed hair was nothing but a mess after I was done with her. The whore's lipstick was messed up, the bitter taste of the wax coating my tongue. I couldn't help but admire my work, proof of my time with her.

My gaze breaks from her flushed skin when my phone buzzes. My lips curl into a satisfied smile when I realize that it was from the pretty bird I wanted to catch. I don't even have to hire people to watch her for me! Koa's such a good girl for me— always obedient to her master. I let the slut continue to pant and slobber all over me; I was only concentrating on my phone at this point.

Wife♡: I'm home now.

I smirk at Koa's message, pressing my thumb onto the icon to dial her number in. The call takes exactly one ring before she picks up, a melodic voice ringing into my ears. My smile brightens, my pretty wife's quiet mumbling was like a breath of fresh air in the middle of this debauchery.

“...Hello-?”

I finally make an effort to be a part of the slutty bitch's pleasure— grabbing onto her hips before thrusting my hips up. A loud, muffled screech sounding out from under her makeshift gag. I could already imagine Koa's lively eyes widening at the tortured sound. I could practically see how her cheeks would flush into a deep pink; pressing her palm against the lips that I like to bite so much. A curse leaves my own lips as I feel myself harden painfully at the thought.

I needed Koa. I needed to see her, to touch her… To fuck her.

I roughly grab the whore’s face, digging my fingers into her mouth to remove the soaked fabric. I drop the soiled panties onto the already disgusting floor— the club room now looking like some kind of back-of-the-alley clubhouse. I whisper into the slut's ear quietly, my grip on her painful.

“Be as loud as possible.”

I hiss out before pulling away from her ear— forcing her onto her knees and hands. I immediately thrust into her loose hole, still gaping from her time with me. My hand entangled in the whore's disheveled hair as I pressed her face against the velvet couch.

“...Se Eun-?”

“Mmn~ A-ah~!”

I snicker as the whiny bitch cries and moans, my phone carefully placed on top of the coffee table in front of us. I wanted to see just how red Koa was right now. I wanted to feel how wet she was from hearing this. I wanted to devour her flushed skin and mark them with a riding crop. I wanted her to beg me to fuck her, for her to admit that she didn't want me to wait for marriage anymore.

I wanted to break Koa, I wanted her addicted to me. I wanted her to look at me with those same eyes she uses for that bottomfeeder.

I stub my cigarette out before fully manhandling the whore to move the way I wanted. Awkwardly angling her body to hit the deepest part of her cervix— driving a louder moan out of her. The opposite line was silent, so I obviously had to change that. I needed to know that Koa was hearing this… Maybe even touching herself to this…

“Tell me about your day.”

I command Koa— it wasn't a question, nor was it a suggestion. I wanted to know about her day. I wanted to know what she ate, what she wrote, who she talked to. It would've been better if she just stayed with me, but the princess wanted her “freedom.” It's honestly frustrating, she speaks as if I wouldn't give her freedom once we were married. She just won't be able to see anyone from her past anymore. It's not like that's a big deal, she has me now. I will be her past, present, and future— she just needs to stay at home and help raise our children. The life that all these bitches who jump on my dick are desperate for.

“...Se Eun… I don't think…”

The way Koa's voice broke was adorable, although it was annoying how loud the fucked-up whore was. Who cares, though? Koa's pretty voice made my mood ten times better than before. Her tone only made it obvious that she was already close to tears— tears I wouldn't hesitate to lap up if she was within my reach.

“Now.”

♡♡♡ Koa's POV ♡♡♡

I regretted picking up the phone. I only answered Se Eun's phone call because he would've kept on dialing in my number until I answered— but now I'm beginning to weigh on which option would be worse for me. Hanging up on Se Eun, or continuing the call; either is terrible for my mental health.

I force myself to take a deep breath, flinching as another moan rings out from Se Eun's side of the line. I bite onto my lower lip, my anxiety spiking at listening to such a private moment between two people. However… if I listened closely, -bringing the phone closer to my ear- there were multiple moans, from multiple voices, in the background. My cheeks flush into a deep, bright red when I realized what exactly he was doing.

“S-Se Eun… I don't think-”

Se Eun interrupts me, his breathing was normal— no panting, no gasps, no sharp intakes in breath. If it wasn't for the loudly obvious moans in the background, I would've thought that he was just lazing around somewhere private.

“Koa.”

Se Eun warns out in a growl, the moans suddenly getting louder in my ears. Shivers run down my spine as I swallow down my saliva dryly; a lump in my throat making it hard to swallow. My hands tremble in fear as I stumble through my words. An encompassing fear wrapping over my eyes, my voice cracking and stuttering with almost every word I manage to spew out.

“...W-we have an English p-p-project that's d-due tomorrow… I-I've started to d-decorate it with pens a-and markers…”

I hear a soft chuckle ringing out from the phone, my eyes softening when Se Eun points out a certain habit of mine. I can't lie to myself, he has the talent to bring anyone at ease.

“Let me guess. It's full of glitter and doodles now?”

It was almost like I could see his smug grin in front of me— his eyes peering into my mind, knowing every single one of my fears, my dreams, my emotions. I smile as I place a plushie onto my lap, resting my chin on top of the soft plush. My eyes wander to my desk, my colorful project displayed on it. A smile pulls itself onto my lips, my tone lighthearted as I reply to Se Eun's comment. He was… okay, sometimes.

“...It's like you're in my room right now.”

“Who knows? Maybe I am- A-ah~! Se Eun~! I-I'm gonna cum~!”

My relaxed body stiffens up at the sound, I almost forgot where he was in the midst of our conversation. A curse slipping out from his lips as a loud smack could be heard. I wince at the sound, pitying the girl that got slapped. Se Eun never held back on his hits— I had the bruises to prove it. My fingers subconsciously brush against my cheek; a phantom pain burning my skin. I instinctively recoil back from Se Eun's loud, degrading insults— forced to listen to every hit, every scream, every groan.

“Fuck! Shit! You fucking slutty bitch! I told you to be loud, but I didn't tell you to scream like some kind of third-rate pornstar! What kind of stray dog is louder than its owner?! What? You're gonna cum? Cum from my fucking foot like the useless bitch you are. Tch- This is what I get for sticking my dick in an untrained mutt that should’ve been put down already.”

My breath hitches at Se Eun's hurtful words— they weren't even pointed at me, but my heart still pounded in my chest. My head felt like it was full of cotton, my senses disconnected. I couldn't feel the plush in my arms, I couldn't hear Se Eun's loud cursing from the call, and I couldn't even breathe.

I suddenly suck in a sharp breath when Se Eun's voice gets louder. It sounded like he got closer to the phone, but the pained groans only got fainter. I could only pray that Se Eun just got farther from the girl instead of the darker alternative.

“Koa. Take off your underwear.”

Se Eun's order makes me freeze up, my throat dry as I stare at the phone blankly. What? Was Se Eun being serious, right now? My thighs rub together as I squeeze them shut, not wanting to obey his order. Not after what I just overheard. Not when the tortured groans of the woman were still ringing in my ears— weighing down on my conscience.

“...What..?”

“Do you want me to do it myself?”

That was enough of an incentive for me to immediately kick off my panties in a hurry. My cheeks flush red in shame, wearing a school uniform without my panties was humiliating— it didn't matter if I was in my room, I was vulnerable now. I feel a cold breeze brushing between my thighs; a shiver running down my spine from my exposure.

“Done…”

“Mmmm… Too bad, I wanted to do it for you.”

A wave of nausea crashes over me at the idea of Se Eun taking it further with me. I bite my tongue to swallow down my sob as I shift my body on the bed. I just wanted to get this over with, already. My voice was weak as I pushed away my resounding thoughts to speak— knowingly digging myself into a deeper grave with every syllable uttered.

“...Please… Just tell me what to do next…”

“Hm? Is my little wife getting impatient? Does my helpless Koa need her husband's help to make her come?”

“...Se Eun…”

I was on the verge of begging him at this point; my vision blurring from my unshed tears. I choke out Se Eun's name painfully, my breathing growing heavier as more and more time passes. My head was swirling with a wide array of emotions— each more averse to the other.

“Fuuuuuuck, Koa. You're killing me here… I'll just keep falling for you if you say my name like that.”

I don't say anything more, my voice refusing to work anymore. I just hoped that Se Eun would stop his constant teasing and move on already.

In more ways than one.

“Drool on your pretty fingers, Koa.”

Se Eun's voice was laid back as I heard a lighter flick open. I follow his instruction, placing my index and middle finger in my mouth— swirling them around my tongue like how he always does. I gag slightly when my fingers accidentally slip into my throat, my tears immediately falling from the shock.

“Mmm… What should I do? My wife is too cute right now, I just want to knock her up already…”

My tears continue to fall as my entire body trembles in fear. Drool coats my fingers and lips— my eyelids fluttering as my heart continues to pound loudly in my ears. The distant moans on Se Eun's end of the call, only caused my body to grow embarrassingly warmer. I start to panic when Se Eun voices out his thoughts; an alarmed sob escaping from my chest.

“Oh? You don't like that idea? Choke on your fingers, Koa. I only listen to a good girl.”

I shakily push my fingers in deeper, gagging heavily from the intrusive sensation. I continue until my head turns lightheaded, until black dots appear in the corners of my vision. I choke on my fingers until I had to physically stop— coughing loudly from the sudden expansion of my lungs.

“Pft- Don't pass out on me now. I haven't even gotten off yet.”

“I-I-I’m sorry…”

“Hm? Are you sure about that? You don't sound very sorry, Koa. Didn't you promise me that you'll comply with my every desire if you could keep your virginity? What a shame, Koa… I thought you were smarter than this. Don't you know that a deal can only work if both sides keep their promises?”

My breath hitches at his words, my entire body trembling in fear. Se Eun's tone was so obviously condescending, my pride bruised from his off-handed comment. I swallow down my saliva before choking out his name.

“...Se Eun-”

“It's fine, though. I like you dumb. My adorable, clueless wife that only knows to spread her legs just for me! Ah, on that note— go ahead and press those fingers of yours into that darling cunt of yours. You want to keep your husband happy, right?”

I take a deep breath to brace myself for my fingers. A sob leaving me as my wet fingers breach my most intimate area. A strangled moan escaping from my lips, my internal temperature running feverish as I cried. I could hear a groan from the speaker, Se Eun jerking off to the sound of my cries. My fingers didn't stop, more of my fluids building up as the sounds in my room only advanced to being lewd. My fingers were completely slimy at this point— wet, suctioning noises no doubt reaching Se Eun's ears.

“Shit. You're already so wet for me… Go faster, Koa. I want to hear you scream.”

My fingers go faster at his words, almost to the point of being painful. A couple of whimpers leak through before I forcefully silence them. I bite onto my lower lip until it bleeds, the metallic taste grounding me to reality. My fingers coincidentally hit a spot that drove a loud moan out of me. My breathing quickens as I feel myself on the brink of release. My tongue lolled out as I started to see stars on the ceiling. My voice is slurred as I chase after my orgasm.

“I-I'm going to cum…”

Se Eun only curses on the phone, seemingly on the edge as well. I could hear the faint sound of a slick substance slapping against something. My mind otherwise clouded with pleasure and more pleasure. A groan snaps me out of my thoughts, my head suddenly clearing up— more sensitive and aware now of every thrust of my fingers.

“Fuck. Koa. I'm about to…”

“S-Se Eun…”

My body trembles as we both come loudly, my hips grinding against my fingers— riding out my high. My eyes were already glazed over when pulling my soaked fingers out. A sloppy, wet sound resonating within the room. I was breathless, my body currently too weak to move a single inch.

“Taste yourself, Koa. Describe it to me.”

I shakily press my fingers against my lips, lapping up at the slightly thick fluid. I was too tired to even be embarrassed by Se Eun's command. My intimate taste covers my lips like lip gloss— my tongue darting out to lick it off me. Without even thinking, the words just fall out of my mouth.

“...Thick. Slimy. …Watery.”

A hum is the only thing I could hear from Se Eun— or maybe it was more? I didn't know, my mind was too muddled to process everything. My breathing continues to be out of rhythm, exhausted both mentally and physically.

I didn't even realize that Se Eun already ended the call, my consciousness just drifting off into a dreamless sleep if I was lucky. Se Eun haunts my every waking moment, yet he managed to find his ways into my dreams as well.

It was my first year in Han Institute, I didn't know anybody yet— Ethan was already pulled away for his sports orientation. I had to navigate my own path to the academic office. The academy was so much larger in person, that I couldn't help but admire every piece of architecture and landscaping my eyes landed on. I was completely distracted, embarrassingly to the point of being lost. I felt relieved when I finally found a student walking in the hallways; my encroaching panic finally let up.

“Hello! Do you know where the office-”

“Tch- Go away. I don't associate myself with dirty whores like you.” My smile immediately drops at the student's words, my mood dampening at his bitterness. The insults were shocking, but I always stick to the golden memo! ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me!’ Ethan was the one to teach me that when we were little, he calls it an old saying from his country! I apparently cried too much because of other people— too much so that Ethan got sick of my tears…

“...Ah… Okay…” Before I could even utter another word, the student walked past me. Purposefully knocking his shoulders into mine to send me against the wall. I held in my tears that were starting to well up in my eyes, it wouldn't be good if I cried at this time. Ethan might feel bad about leaving me alone if he sees that I cried because of a bad interaction. And I didn't want to see Ethan's guilty expression for something that was out of his control…

I decided to take a deep breath, and began my walk again— a bright smile plastered back onto my face. Maybe I'll be able to find a more helpful person this time?

♡♡♡

I met the student again at the sports center— I was out of class early; and I wanted to surprise Ethan with an afternoon together since it's been a while since I've had some free time! I already told Ethan what happened on my first day, and he told me to avoid that person if I ever saw them again. But I couldn't help but notice that he wasn't drinking any water; even after playing basketball on a hot afternoon! My maternal instincts immediately took over.

“Hi! You seemed thirsty!” I walked up to the student that was sitting on the bench, taking out a water bottle from my bag. I've grown used to having water bottles in my bag since Ethan was forgetful sometimes, too. I hold out the water bottle for the student to take. No matter how our first introductions played out, I wasn't going to ignore a dehydrated classmate!

“I'm not.” The student dully replies back, not bothering to look up from his phone. His attitude was slightly rude, but I wasn't swayed enough to go away yet. Especially since I could still hear the student's unsteady breathing— that could be easily fixed with some water in his system! My biology class taught me that!

“It's very hot today, though? Dehydration happens to everyone, you know?” I lightly chastise the student for not caring about his health; don't rich people want to live a long time? Ethan got severely dehydrated once, enough to need the hospital from passing out… That's why I started to carry water bottles on me, and I still couldn't get out of the habit. I place the bottle on the bench— maybe the student will take it once I'm gone?

“...Whatever.” I smile at the student happily once I get his reply. His head turned away from me, likely out of annoyance. His face was red, so he must have been out in the sun for far too long! I was grateful that I haven't kicked my habit of keeping water bottles on me yet. Who knows, maybe I'll gain a friend this way?

I walk away after waving to the student— I almost forgot about Ethan during our brief exchange! Ethan is going to be so happy once I tell him that I'm starting to make a friend! It was a bit pathetic in my eyes. Ethan had so many people around him, and I only had him… I hope that will change soon.

♡♡♡

My third meeting with the student was at the infirmary. Ethan kept on ending up here for some reason, so I decided to volunteer as an aid! There were only benefits to this choice: I got to speak with Ethan more, and I got more points on my college resume, too! The infirmary door slides open, and the greeting dies on my tongue when I see the student's bloodied knuckles.

“Huh- Why are your hands like this?!” I quickly rush up to the student, taking his hands into mine. I was too worried to notice that he didn't slap my hands away, keeping them there as I observed the torn skin. Fighting? In this school? How is that even possible?

“...Are you stalking me? How are you everywhere?” I freeze at the student's guarded tone, not understanding what he was being so defensive for. I snap out of that mindset, it isn't my place to ask that about him. I let go of his hands, a smile on my face as I walked over to the medicine cabinet.

“Nope! I'm just helping out the nurse!” I pipe up happily as I take out some gauze and ointment— making marks on what items I used, and for what I needed it for. I had to admit though, it was strange that I kept on running into the student. It's not like there's anything wrong with that, though! I could always use these times to bond with him!

“Hm… Then I need some bandages-”

“That's very obvious. Name?” I interrupted the student— taking out a binder that held the medical records of the student body. The binder was relatively thin since Han Institute was a private school. I flip it open as I wait for the student to tell me his name.

“Se. Se Eun.” Se Eun… What a nice name. I finally had the name of the student who I wanted to be friends with! I find his name, and place the marked sheet into his file before I start to tend to his wounds. I made sure to be as delicate as possible to not irritate the skin— the nurse was the one that taught me on how to correctly wrap wounds! I can't lie to myself, though… I learned first aid to have an excuse to touch Ethan, too…

Se Eun eventually leaves the infirmary to head off to class. I admired him for that— he could've just stayed in the infirmary since his hands were injured! I waved to him, and he waved back! I really was making progress! My happiness was cut short when Ethan stumbled to the infirmary a few minutes later, in a terrible state. What happened this time?!

♡♡♡ Ethan's POV ♡♡♡

“Koa?!”

I was running now, searching for any sign of her— already out of breath. My legs were screaming at me to take a break already, but I couldn't. Not after what I just heard. Was I that blind? Why didn't she say anything? Did I not seem reliable enough for her to lean on? To help her?

Koa… Am I not someone you trust?

…

I was walking with a group of friends— we were all laughing together about a shared story that happened during practice. One of them even managed to take a video of the coach's wig falling off in the midst of his meltdown! While we were walking, I suddenly overheard a conversation between another group of students who were walking in the opposite direction from us.

At first, I didn't pay them any mind— it was a different story when they suddenly mentioned Koa's name. As any best friend would do, I had to listen to them at this point. It was the right thing to do, after all. It was my sworn duty as a boy best friend to know what rumors were centering around my pretty, girl friend.

I haven't seen Koa in a while, too; she was always busy with something. I swear, one of these days; I’ll have to drag her out of the house to go to the park with me. We'd have a nice conversation together, -enjoying each other's company- feed the ducks with some old, stale bread from the back of the pantry, and maybe even have a picnic together like old times! She'd smile at me, -my index finger discreetly swiping along the rim of the bottle her pink lips touched- and I'd smile at her back. My finger, now stained with a sheer, pink tint. Flowers would adorn our heads as we pluck some stray ones out of the ground. And then… When the moment is right, I’d pull her in-

“Tch. How are people even attracted to Koa?”

Excuse me? I did not just hear what I just heard, right? Koa? Sweet, too clueless for her own good, Koa? Who wouldn't be attracted to her?! She's cute, adorable, pretty, smart… smart when it comes to her grades, anyway. Her little doodles are always so silly, enough to brighten anyone's day. No, I'm not at all biased towards my childhood— that I think about every day and night- Okay. Maybe… I may be just a teensy winsy teeny little biased towards the living goddess that's named Koa, but who wouldn't be?!

“How should I know? The bitch is so weak that a little push from me was enough for her to cry.”

“Pft- Be gentle with her. Everyone here knows that she's Se Eun's plaything. What if she decides to tattle on you?”

“What did I do wrong, though? I only reminded the whore of her place. She's worse than an animal, she shouldn't even be allowed to be in the same room as us.”

…What?

I turn back to my friends, my expression slightly dazed— why would anyone say that about Koa? They were still focused on the video, while I was still pondering on what those girls were saying. They were saying it so loudly, unworried about anyone overhearing their petty gossip. I pause in my steps, my friends eventually noticing my absence.

“Hey, man. Is something wrong? Why did you suddenly just stop?”

One of them, Min-woo, stops to question me. I wasn't sure why I stopped, as well. My mind suddenly invaded with unwelcome thoughts of Koa in less than desirable positions. For some reason, I felt the need to dig deeper into this. My gut was telling me that there was something wrong— that I was missing something very important right now.

“...What do you guys hear about Koa?”

“Who?”

My eyes widened at Min-woo's words, surprised by his confused expression. I thought I already introduced Koa to them? Did they already forget her? No… She was at our practice just a few days ago. …Right? She was there, smiling at me happily as I scored another goal in the practice round. She was there… then Se Eun suddenly arrived. I remembered being so distracted with how close they were to each other— unable to focus afterwards.

Koa's body seemed to be more stiff too; I almost threw the ball on the bastard's face in a flash of rage. I hated him, I've hated Se Eun since he was introduced to me by Koa. He was always too close to her, their bodies practically pressing together. Koa would shrink back from him, but Se Eun never seemed to get the message. He violates Koa's boundaries, boundaries that are there for a reason.

“Koa- …Who is this?” I was so happy when Koa told me that she would walk me home from practice. My eyes brighten up when I finally see her figure, ignoring my teammates’ snickers. Psh- They're just jealous that they don't have a pretty best friend to talk to. I stop in my rapid steps when I notice another person sitting with Koa by the shade.

My heart stung a bit when I saw how close they were, a bitter taste on my tongue. I was… I was jealous; fearful of my spot being taken. It's been a while since I've seen Koa, and she's already made a friend! Koa's been steadily changing from the crybaby she was when we were kids; she didn't need my protection anymore.

She's started to open up to more people— finally coming out of her welded shell. I'll admit that I may have been a bit hesitant on letting go of Koa at the very beginning, but I don't regret it. Koa deserves to be free; and it should be a well-known fact that she looks the most beautiful when she's able to soar.

“Ethan! Come meet my new friend!” Koa's pretty eyes sparkle when she notices me, a sweet blush on her cheeks. I shuffle my feet towards the duo… No. Not a duo, that's too much for my saintly, idealistic, holy mindset -that's been the one reason for why I haven't grabbed Koa for myself, yet- to handle! Although… The way my fists were clenched until my knuckles turned white from the grip… that was telling a different story.

“...” The bastard just stays on his phone, too, not even bothering to look up from it. Was this really supposed to be my competition?! The title of best friend was definitely going to stay mine— but the way he had his pinkie finger nearly poking at Koa's? Red filled my vision when I noticed his smug expression. If Koa wasn't here; I would've bitch slapped him, just for the sheer audacity.

“Haha- He doesn't like to talk much… Meet Se Eun!” Oh, Koa… innocent, naive, Koa. There was no way in hell that Se Eun was good news. How was I going to convince Koa to drop him? My resolve to tear her away from Se Eun immediately wavers when she smiles at me so cheerfully. She just looked so proud of herself… Who was I to break it?

“Oh, yes! And he wants to walk with us, too!”

…Motherfucker-

I take a deep breath— thinking that maybe, they just forgot her name. It happens sometimes! I, myself, have had my own fair share of forgotten names. I needed to constantly remind myself that Koa wasn't the center of everyone's universe; even if she definitely should be-

“Koa. The girl who's almost always at practice. You know: straight, black hair, pretty yellow eyes, always writing in a book-”

“Ah! You mean Puppy?”

I resist the urge to strangle Min-woo who had just called Koa by such a degrading name. Koa was definitely cuter than a puppy— but I didn't go around calling her that, now did I? I was about to correct him before one particular comment from another friend of mine, Jeong, caused me to completely lose it.

“I heard everyone wants a piece of that a-”

I didn't even let Jeong finish his sentence before I grabbed him by the collar of his shirt— slamming his back against the wall. I could hear shouts for me to let go of the perverted asshole as I raised him up. My teeth were grinding themselves, my eyes narrowing at him in anger. I could barely hear my teammates practically screaming in my ear; too caught up in my own rage to even think right now.

“Oi! Ethan! What the hell?!”

“Let go of Jeong, man! I think you're choking him right now!”

“We can talk about this, Ethan! You can't just throw hands like that!”

I continue to keep Jeong on his toes, furious for Koa's sake since I knew that she would just brush it off. No. Koa doesn't deserve to be disrespected like this— Koa shouldn't have to be listening to this kind of shit. Everyone wants a piece of her? What is she? Property? My girl friend was human; an individual person who has her own autonomy, her own life.

Koa belongs here, Koa has proven herself to be their equal, time and time again, through her achievements. But the way all of these people were talking about her… They made it sound like she was nothing but an ownerless stray— lessening her worth to being dirt-cheap. They spoke like she wasn't meant for anything more, when she's meant for everything.

“Say that again. I fucking dare you.”

I hiss at Jeong, my grip on his collar tightening to an unbelievable extent. The nerve to make such a derogatory, perverted comment— did Jeong never have a mother who taught him to be respectful to women? If not, then I would happily volunteer myself to be the one that beats the lesson into him. Until the memory is permanently scarred onto his pea-sized brain.

“S-say what? …What the hell- Is this about Puppy?! It's not just me who says that! It's not like we have a chance-”

“Explain.”

I let go of Jeong before he tells me about Koa's predicament— every single incident that I have somehow never noticed. The cruel pranks pulled on her, the physical harassment, the bullying… I stagger back from Jeong, my face paling when I think about what Koa had to suffer through, alone. My nails were digging into my palms; almost to the point of nearly piercing through the calloused skin. I couldn't believe it. What right did I have, to call myself her best friend, when I didn't even know about the torture she has to go through, everyday? I felt like a failure, like an idiot.

Koa… Why didn't you say anything..?

“There's also all that shit with Se-”

I didn't even hear his last words, my legs already moving to search for Koa. All I could think was that my helpless Koa -infamous for staying silent- stayed silent. My sweet Koa who always just smiled through everything, no matter how much it hurt— even if it started to bleed through her clothing, her pain, so obvious. Koa, who could never speak out for herself, unable to ever find the courage to ask for help. …Koa… the one I neglected because I blindly believed in her words. I believed my best friend, who is known to tell lies that only wound her.

…I’m such a fool in love.

“Koa?! Koa! Where the hell are you?!”

I ran through the hallways, not giving a single damn about the hall monitor's warnings about running indoors. I needed to see Koa; I needed to know, by how much, did I really fail her. …By how much I failed us.

Have I really been that detached from Koa? I remember a time when I would know her entire schedule by heart— never having to search this hard for even a glimpse of her hair. Only because we were practically attached to the hip; the both of us clinging onto each other, like a lifeline, during the most miserable time of our lives. Now… Now I can see just how far Koa has really drifted away from me. I can now see that we weren't as close as we were in the past. Koa was able to keep such secrets from me because I didn't pry, like before— because I didn't stay, like before.

“Koa!”

“...Ethan?”

My distress finally lifts when I hear her melodic voice; after everything that happened— it felt like it's been years since we've last seen each other. Since I've been able to talk to Koa, since I've been able to look at her. I breathe a sigh in relief, finally finding her after running all around the campus like a madman. I was sweating heavily, my breathing erratic as I greedily sucked in as much air as I physically could. My limbs felt like they were on fire at this point, but it was only through sheer will and adrenaline— that I was able to move myself closer to Koa.

“Koa! Thank God, I've heard about-”

…Oh.

So that's how it was… I freeze in my steps when I finally see Koa's current state, my eyes widening in horror at the sight. Koa was drenched, from head to toe in some kind of opaque liquid— it smelled like milk. The worst part wasn't that she smelled like milk now… No. The worst part was the way her shirt clung to her skin; the way her white blouse exposed her blemished skin to everyone. My heart twisted from the medley of wounds she had: green and purple bruises, dark red teeth marks… burns. Cigarette burns.

I wanted to cry, I wanted to punch the wall until my knuckles turned bloody. I wanted to hurt myself as if the act would take all of Koa's pain away. I wanted to throw up everything in my stomach when Koa only smiled at me— the same smile that I knew all too well, that held years of pain in it. The same smile that I both adore and hate, a plethora of memories filled it.

Don't smile. How can you even smile right now? You don't have to be strong, Koa. Just lean on me for once. …Please… I’m begging you. Don't smile at me when you're like this.

“Ethan… I thought you were busy today?”

I could listen to her voice for ages— I didn't even think that there was a single way for me to possibly get tired of her. Koa could be speaking to me in hieroglyphics, and I'd still nod along to anything she said. Koa was a precious person to me, but that's also why it hurts me more to see her so damaged. Koa was an untouchable being in my eyes; seemingly unstained from reality when she was just as tainted.

Appearing as a savior, and leaving as a martyr— that's the usual ending for someone with Koa's kindness. Sometimes… Sometimes I forget that she knows far more than she lets on. That she's seen, first-hand with me, just how much humanity tends to turn to sin in a hopeless situation.

“Koa…”

I croak out, my body trembling as I slowly walk up to Koa. I had to, both mentally and physically, stop myself from grabbing Koa by the shoulders. My tears welled up in my eyes, our eyes locked together— an inexplicable sorrow replacing what was left of my fading frustration. My heart was loudly pounding into my eardrums; I could clearly hear the blood flow cycling through my head.

“E-E-Ethan?!”

I could almost see Koa's panicked expression as I collapsed onto my knees; my head lowered in shame. Tears streamed down my face as I cried. Why was I so unaware? Would it have even made a difference if I knew about it? Was I that useless? I've been too confident— too sure of my ability to protect Koa, when I've already failed in the very thing I constantly boast about. What white knight? I was nothing more than a fool; a fool who was stupid enough to believe that he was worth something more— just because of some shiny medals he luckily won.

“Oh god- E-Ethan! What's wrong?! Are y-you hurt-?”

“Look at yourself first, Koa.”

I finally raise my head up, my red-rimmed eyes matching Koa's current ones. Ah… She's been crying again. I notice how she flinches at my comment, her head hanging low for some reason. Why? Was she ashamed?

No… Koa… Keep your head lifted up. Why is it lowered? You're not the one who needs to be humbled.

“...Ethan-”

“Can't you feel it? God, Koa. Some of these must have even bled-”

I couldn't even finish my words, my throat immediately stuck when I watched Koa starting to tear up. I watched as her eyes turned glassy once more— Koa just looked so fragile at the moment, like she was a vase that would shatter if it was dropped one last time. It was hard to imagine anyone handling Koa roughly; she was too delicate to be pushed around like that. And yet she suffered through so much more…

“Let me explain-”

“Who did this to you?”

I don't let Koa speak, I already knew what kind of excuses she would pull out of her ass. I've been with her, stayed by her side for long enough— to know about her self-sacrificing personality towards other people. I've scolded her, for this, countless times; I even yelled at her! Well… We were both eight at the time— but it still counts! Even if I never did it again after it took me literal hours to get Koa to stop crying; I swear, she can never run out of tears for some reason. She even made me cry with her because of the stress she put on my little eight-year-old brain!

Koa never seemed to learn her lesson: blindly trustful and kind to the people who shouldn't even be allowed to breathe in the same air as her. I bit so many ankles -when we were kids- because assholes have to exist— I was a feral child, growing up.

“W-what do you mean-”

“Koa... I'm begging you here. Y-you need help. It doesn't have to be from me, but fuck-! You have to tell someone.”

My words tasted bitter on my tongue, the thought of Koa going to someone else… That made me want to grind down on my teeth. I wanted Koa to look for me first if she's ever troubled by anything. I'd drop everything for her— whatever she wanted: a shoulder to cry on, a person who will listen to her as she vents, someone to tend to her injuries.

Heck‐! I'd still drop everything if she just wanted to sleep on my lap. Koa has been my priority for practically my whole, conscious life by now— and that part will never change.

I wasn't selfish, but I also wasn't selfless. Even if I hated it, I'd still let Koa go to someone else for help— but it didn't mean that I had to like it. My tears continued to fall as I slowly tugged on the hem of Koa's blazer. I'd hate it, but Koa would be safe, then. She'd be safe… just not with me.

Koa was just silent, I could tell that her mask was slipping. I needed her to be vulnerable with someone— anyone. Her tears have long since come out like mine; her entire body trembling as she collapses onto her knees as well. She hesitantly looked me in the eye, her next words making me snap.

“I'm fine-”

“Bullshit!”

“Ethan-”

“Look at yourself! You look like a mess!”

Koa was a mess— I could now see her wounds more closely, now that she was kneeling next to me. My stomach churned uncomfortably at what I painfully observed: hickeys littered across her neck and chest, purple marks around Koa's throat, -as if someone strangled her until she passed out- there were multiple, large green and purple regions on her stomach, and the sides of her torso— like she was kicked until she had to throw up. …Small, circular burns could be seen, too…

I even identified the current state of Koa's face: worn off foundation showed hints of a black eye slowly healing, her once pink lips, now a darker purple than usual, -smooth lips now cracked and ripped to practical shreds- and her tears washed away the concealer that carefully hid her eye bags.

My fingers curl into tight fists— Koa's been hurt like this? Why? Why didn't she tell me? Why didn't she come to me when she first got assaulted? When she first got strangled? When she first got burned? …Why didn't she say anything?

WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY? WHY?!

“But-”

“How far did they go, Koa? Was it more than one person? For god's sake, Koa- Why won't you tell me anything?! Tell me so I can beat their ass for you! You can't possibly be trying to defend them right now-”

“Ethan!”

I get cut off by Koa; I get cut off by Koa yelling at me. She yelled at me. She yelled at me because I wanted to defend her honor, her pride. I want to help Koa… So why does she have to keep shutting me out?

…Why?

Koa doesn't say anything more, her tears saying enough to me. Koa didn't want me to do anything— she didn't want me to help. Koa… Koa didn't want me.

It took me a moment to realize my blood dripping onto the marble flooring. I didn't even care that we were in the middle of the hallways; I didn't care that everyone was watching us now. I cared about Koa, I could only think about Koa at the moment. My tears stained my cheeks as I begged her to tell me. A name, a place- Fuck! I would even take a hair color at this point!

“Koa- Please- Just tell me-”

“Koa.”

A voice interrupts me, a voice that was deeper than Koa's own choked-up one. It was a voice that I was painfully familiar with— the smug tone, the barely concealed malice in his words. Se Eun.

I was about to yell at him to leave, but then I noticed how Koa started acting. Her breathing turned irregular; her entire body, now trembling in fear… Him? It was him, then? It was Se Eun?! I knew that he was a terrible person from the start— only proven to be correct when he joined into the weekly beatings between me and the wannabe gangsters at this damn school. I should've said something to Koa, but she just looked so happy with him… Delighted with her first friend in this hellhole.

…Fuck. I'm a hypocrite.

“Se Eun!”

I scream out in anger, red flooding my vision. I reacted in the only way I could. I react violently, volatile to every single thing that Se Eun does: whether he moves a single inch closer, or he decides to spill his bullshit out. I get up from the floor, immediately grabbing him by the collar of his shirt. The monster only looks past me, staring at Koa instead. That only irritated me more— I wasn't going to let him hurt Koa any more than he already did. No. It won't happen again.

“You don't have the fucking right to look at her anymore.”

I hissed at him, roughly slamming Se Eun's back against the wall. A sick glee crashing over me before I stomped it out. No… This one was for Koa. This was about Koa's pride, not mine.

The bastard only winces in pain before his eyes finally meet mine. Those same, soulless pitch-black eyes causing my skin to crawl. Was this guy seriously the so-called ‘hottest’ person on campus right now? The people here must be blind if this creep show was considered to be popular. In my neighborhood, fuckers like him would end up in a ditch somewhere.

“Koa. Come here.”

My teeth just grind at Se Eun's audacity; he was acting as if nothing was happening. He ignored my words, yet he kept his eye-contact with me. The demon was taunting me, he was silently telling me that I didn't stand a chance against him. My fists only tighten around his collar, one wrong move away from punching the smirk off his disgusting face.

“Like hell she would-”

The words die on my tongue when I see that Koa did exactly that. I could only watch as Koa shakily stood up from the floor. I gaped when I saw Koa walking up to us, her body language clearly telling me that she didn't want to be doing this at all. Her face was paler than usual, her legs looked a step away from collapsing on themselves.

I let go of Se Eun's collar, turning my full attention towards Koa, I needed to know why. Why was she doing this? Was she getting threatened? Coerced? There was no way that any of this was voluntary, her glassy eyes showing off her reluctance.

I block Koa's way, standing between her and Se Eun— she looks at me with an expression that conveys nothing less than pure, unfiltered misery. I stare at her, my own eyes mirroring Koa's depressed ones. The beautiful sun-lit amber that I've grown used to, have all but turned into a dull, rusted copper. Beautiful… but in a gloomy statement— like it was something to be mourning.

I slowly made a move, -letting Koa see where my hands were, enough time for her to move back- grabbing at the sleeve of her blazer. My voice sounded pathetic at this point, but I didn't care. I just wanted to let Koa know that she didn't have to do this, that she will always have me by her side.

“Koa… Please don't…”

“Koa.”

Se Eun had to ruin the moment with his big mouth; his voice was basically demanding for Koa. It was disrespectful and humiliating, the way he called for her as if she were a dog. Was he the reason for Koa's nickname? I wouldn’t even be surprised at this point. My jaw clenches in annoyance, turning my head to glare at the nerve of this bitch. I tried to convince Koa again, but Se Eun seemed to scare her too much…

I had no chance.

Koa pulled her sleeve out of my loose grip— a part of me shattering beyond repair once I was gripping onto nothing but air. Koa goes around me; I didn't even have the energy to get angry when Se Eun's arm instantly wraps itself around her waist. Koa hates being touched, yet Se Eun never seemed to care… I wanted to beg Koa to stay, but Koa's next words kept my mouth tightly shut.

“...We'll talk later, Ethan.”

…She didn't even look back at me when she said it. Se Eun pulled her along with him, -far too roughly- but I didn't detect her head moving a single inch back in my direction. I was speechless, my hand dumbly reaching out for Koa, even if her figure was nowhere to be found.

Only one word was uttered— the name of the girl who's been by my side for ages. The girl that I love with my entire soul, and the girl that I don't deserve. My tears fall again, my palms still bloody as I continue to dig into the fresh wounds. My head was lowered in shame; shame that was well deserved for my ignorance— and for being too late.

“...Koa.”

♡♡♡ Se Eun's POV ♡♡♡

I wanted to scream when someone stopped Koa in the middle of the hallways. The piece of shit came up to my wife, confessing to her, while I was standing right there. I internally sneered at the disgustingly gaudy letter: obnoxious, golden hearts scattered throughout it, and a messy handwriting that, I was somehow able to determine, included Koa's name. The absolute gall of this dunce— writing my wife's blessed name in such a mediocre print? I'd destroy him; just because of such a defilement.

The bastard was fucking lucky that Koa rejected him, or else I wouldn't have hesitated to throw his cold, rotten body off a bridge. He did not deserve to receive the love of my life's gentle words, almost immediately shaking her head at his request. I wanted nothing more than to dig out the eyes that dared to gaze upon my wife's— those same eyes that tainted Koa with his filth.

The rat didn't even have the chance to convince Koa otherwise; not while I was angrily glaring from behind her. It was honestly annoying that such low-ranking scum had the fucking balls to believe that they had a chance with the angelic being that, fortunately, made her way into my dull life.

“Koa. Why did you reject him?” I asked her curiously once we continued in our walk— the vermin finally scurrying away at my silent threat. He obviously wouldn't be as good as me, but a guy like him is the typical dream for girls with Koa's status. So why would she refuse what may be her one chance to get out of poverty?

Koa only hums, her feet not stopping at all as her hands go behind her back. She turns to me, looking only at me for the moment. My breath embarrassingly hitching at her soft look— I blushed as if I didn't spend my free time, constantly in whores who would kneel at my command. I had to discreetly adjust my trousers when my love's back arched forward, cutely tilting her head to one side. I could be directly staring into a woman's bare pussy right now— and my lovely wife's present, endearing posture would still arouse me more.

I was infatuated with Koa… and I've long since realized that I wanted those bright, starry amber eyes to never stray away from being only mine. No matter who or what, tries to get in my way; I'll eliminate every other choice she has, until I'm the only option left. I didn't want to witness such a grotesque confession again, so I needed to start marking my territory…

“Why wouldn't I? I don't like him.” My wife's words snapped me out of my deliberations, I had to force myself to hold in a laugh. Pft- Only Koa would think so naively— did she not think about the benefits to using the deep pockets of that pest? My clueless wife really was too good for this world if that's what her answer was. …Ergo, I should make sure to lock her up real tight when the time comes.

The idea of Koa being only mine, it made me hot inside. A manic gleam flashing in my eyes, before it left as quickly as it came. I continued to muse at her innocent words, listening to her nonsensical rambling as we walked through the now empty corridors. My wife was just so lovely~

“Work harder, dog.”

I snap at Koa coldly, pulling onto the leather belt around her neck. My lack of mercy evokes a pained gasp from Koa— as her nose is pressed against my clothed groin. A shudder runs throughout my entire body, groaning while grinding onto her face. My head, thrown back as I drove her face into my trousers— the abrupt tug of Koa's makeshift collar causing her throat to strain against the leather.

I breathe out an annoyed sigh, my teeth still grinding at the memory of seeing her and that impoverished bastard together. It seems that I've grown lax due to her good behavior; Koa needed to remember who was really in charge here— because it certainly isn't her. I can only be so patient with a rebellious wife, after all.

Koa's lips part open, but not because she was finally putting that fucking mouth to use. No. She decided to open up her good-for-nothing mouth, to say a bitch-ass excuse, which would simply serve to irritate me further.

“I-I'm s-s-sorry, Se-”

“Don't. You already know what I want from you.”

I crudely interrupt Koa's pathetic stammering; her sniffles doing nothing but exciting me more. She only whimpered farther when I yanked onto my leather belt again. I could feel myself hardening already, painfully straining against the trousers’ fabric as Koa falls on top of it. I lean back from upon my seat as I spread my legs— waiting for my love to finally get to work. Koa's pretty lips were trembling as her hands fumbled with the zipper. It was fucking hilarious to see her so tense.

I grin at her pitiful attempts, my cheeks flushed at the sight of my wife kneeling in front of me. I had to chuckle as I pulled Koa towards me again— forcing her to fall face-first into my lap. I click my tongue at Koa, my voice adopting a mocking tone, while my hand reaches for her chin.

“Ah, ah, ah~ I don't think dogs use their paws…”

I coo at her as I force my lovely puppy to lean into me more— grabbing onto my love's face to pull her up higher. Her lovely tears start to fall again as I push my thumb into the corner of her mouth. My thumb lightly tapped against Koa's cute, little teeth as I mercilessly belittled her.

“Use your mouth, dog. Are you that dumb?”

My thumb swirls around her tongue; her tears dripping onto my fingers. I could only smile at my idiotic wife's adorable expression, wanting to kiss all her tears away— lapping up the salty liquid that stained her cheeks. Koa looked the most beautiful when she was below me, always within my grasp at all times.

My little pet whimpers as I take my thumb out of her mouth— smearing her drool all across her cheek. My cheeks weren't the only ones that were red at this point; the love of my life's cheeks were also bright with an alluring redness to them. They made me want to paint her rear in that same, beautiful color. Her songs of pain, music to my ears— pretty reds and purples blossomed on my precious wife's skin.

Our eyes lock together; my wife's glassy eyes taking a moment before dropping from mine. My smirk just grows as the scared puppy obediently lowers her head towards my trousers’ zipper. My wife's pretty knuckles were noticeably pale from clenching her fists far too tightly— adorably trembling in front of me so deliciously. I couldn't help myself at all. Is it that terrible to desire my sweet pet if her body intensely shakes that fucking much in my presence? As though I'm preparing to devour her entirety, bones and all?

A satisfied groan leaves me as I hear the clinking of my wife's teeth against the silver. Fuck, why did she have to be so adorable? The way she practically vibrated between my legs made me want to just bend her over and- …In summary, my wife was just too pretty to keep my hands to myself.

…

“Do you know what you did wrong now, my love~?”

My wife just moans as I rub myself against her wet folds; I could even slide myself in, without her even knowing, at this point. She kept on protesting against me, yet she always dripped down my fingers -like a fucking slut- whenever I played with her. I could only deduce -from her demeanor- that my lovely wife wanted this too— she was just too shy for her own good.

“Hic- I-I'm s-so-RRY!”

I slap her clit carelessly, reveling in the sound of her panicked breaths and hiccups that littered her sobs. My wife was such a darling, always having the ability to turn me on— no matter what type of shit she does. Yes… her tears really were cute. They always taste so addictively salty whenever I lap them up from my wife's cheeks; her body always tensing from what should be surprise. She really was too fucking cute for her own good. I couldn't wait until she would be only mine to talk to, to touch… to see.

“Hmm? Do you even know how you angered me?”

I grab onto a fistful of my wife's pretty hair, groaning with delight when I hear such pathetic whimpers coming from her. A chuckle leaves from me as her teary eyes meet mine; every bit of me wanting to see more and more of that pretty expression. My tone was cold, despite my face having an almost feverish temperature to it.

“...Who knows? Maybe you're just praying that I would be satisfied by those delectable lips of yours? Those same lips that do nothing but lie to their own master? You can be such a comedian sometimes, my love~ Did you really think that I, Se Eun, would be so desperate for you? Desperate to the point of wanting, no, craving your half-assed apologies?”

“N-no- I'm sorry- I-I'm so-”

“Then why are you sorry, Koa? Why don't you define what exactly you're fucking apologizing for?”

I lean my body closer to her, feeling her limbs twitch from underneath me. My wife was just lying on the desk: her skirt pulled up to her waist, blouse unbuttoned, underwear discarded, and her bra pushed up to reveal her modest breast. It was as if she wanted to be fucked by me with how cute she always acts. I moved my face nearer, until I could see how my pretty wife's eyelashes fluttered as she cried. My lips meet my wife's lips in a sweet manner— biting onto the soft flesh until I could taste bitter iron on my tongue.

My tongue shoves itself into my wife's cute mouth, our saliva mixing until it’s impossible to separate them from each other. Like how our taste melded together, I wanted Koa to be mixed into me— to the point of where she would be fucking nothing without me. As I recklessly bite, lick, and devour my wife's lips; certain thoughts start to swirl inside my head. Thoughts of wanting Koa to be only mine, only smiling at me, only looking at me.

Love me, Koa. You won't ever need anyone else but me. For my name is Se Eun, and I promise to always love you, both in this life and the next… Till not even death will do us part.

“I-I-”

I don't let Koa continue, wanting her mouth all to myself— nothing but my tongue to keep her company. I even felt jealous of the shitty words that were spoken into existence by her pretty, pink lips. I only watched as my wife's eyes flickered between: lust, fear, and confusion; swallowing her pitiful whimpers when I bite just a bit too hard.

“I-I… C-close to E-Ethan-”

A loud slap rings across the room; a bright red mark found on my wife's face for daring to utter another shitty man's name in front of her husband— her lover. My eyes, dark as I grabbed onto her face; not at all gentle in the manner, with how I jerked her chin up to me. Koa’s lips just twist into such an adorable grimace as I purposefully apply even more pressure onto her increasingly sore cheek— her tears only falling more because the bruise I aggravated.

“Did you have permission to say another man's name, dog?”

I hiss out in a frigid tone, keeping a tight grip on my wife's face. My breath quickened as I felt my anger slowly growing into a volatile storm— frustrated by the memory of seeing her and that motherfucker together. I only felt satisfaction when I saw her tears falling from the pain. There was no remorse coming from me; not a single hint of guilt found on my face while glaring at my wife's glossy eyes— only raw, unadulterated rage. How dare she? How dare she fucking talk to another person without my explicit permission?

My lovely wife… Let's play a little game together~

“N-no-”

“Then continue.”

“I-I talked to a-another person-”

“And who was this other person?”

My disobedient wife's lips snap shut at my question; her eyes widening once she finally realizes what her punishment will be. A smug smile appears on my face as a distressed expression appears on my wife's. Laughter builds up in my chest when she shakily reaches her hand up to my shirt— missing me by a few centimeters.

“P-please…”

Her voice takes on a desperate tone, doing nothing but making me want her more. What my wife thought would be enough to dissuade me… only served to increase my already excessive excitement. Really. She had to stop being so adorable all the fucking time— I'm honestly afraid of dying early with how insatiable I am when it comes down to my cute as fuck wife. I still had an overly-excessive grip on her pretty face— still close enough to have a clear idea of her current scent: a mixture between toasted cinnamon and a shitty confectionery sweet. It was a cheapass scent that I would only enjoy from my wife's pretty skin; skin that I have thoroughly marked as fucking mine, and only mine.

“Name.”

“S-Se Eun-”

“Name.”

“I-I-”

“Don't make me repeat myself a third time, dog.”

You love that name, right? Then I'll make sure to overwrite those “pure” memories of yours— till nothing but pain and sorrow remain… I'll ensure that you're never able to be comforted by the mention of HIS name again.

I'll hurt you so fucking badly with HIS name, because only my name should give you even the smallest bit of respite you desire. …I'll be your safe place, Koa; and the reason for it, too.

I watch as my wife silently sobs; her words a jumbled mess of what I can easily imagine to be pleadings for mercy. Mercy that I won't be giving her— mercy that she doesn't fucking deserve. I felt heated by the way she shook in my grip; every single inch of her making my mouth water.

“S-Se Eun…”

“I wasn't mad at myself, Koa.”

My dull eyes stay on my wife's face, unmoved by her tears— a smile, frozen on my lips. The dog finally stops whimpering when my grip eases from her chin. But her cries only get louder when my hand trails down to her neck; a warning squeeze, placed onto her throat to remind my pretty dog of her place now.

I could see the very moment when the fight eventually left my wife, her pretty eyes turning as dull as mine. Such a pretty copper suited her— far better than a cheap amber that held no value in the real world. My smile only widens at the sight as I start to squeeze onto my wife’s throat harder; I absolutely loved how she didn’t try to resist this time, too tired to do anything at all.

“Tell me, Koa.”

“...Ethan.”

The way she said the bastard’s name made me want to laugh right then and there— so hopeful, yet defeated at the same time. My grip on my wife’s cute throat starts to leave blue marks as the rhythm in her chest starts to stagger. I didn’t care if she couldn’t breathe, though; I knew when to stop before my wife passed out. We’ve had plenty of practice, after all.

I lean my lips closer to my wife’s ear, as I quietly whisper into her ear; my voice soft as if I was about to tell her a deeply guarded family secret. My other hand starts to lovingly stroke my wife’s cheek, like how a person would do to a dog— a cruel glint in my eyes. One hand was still busy choking her, while the other was being so gentle with her face; a drastic parallel that perfectly mirrored the love I had for my beautiful pet.

“What did I say about another man’s name coming out of your pretty mouth, again?”

OH MY GOD- THIS TOOK TOO LONG- (WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF??? TT)

THIS WILL BE A TEN CHAPTER SERIES THAT WILL BE POSTED INCONSISTENTLY. NOTE. INCONSISTENTLY. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME FEEDBACK- I YEARN FOR ACKNOWLEDGWMENT AND COMMENTS. (don't be mean though. I cry easily.) (。･´д`･。)

Ack- I gotta tag now-

[moodr1ng]

im well aware that its profoundly cringe to admit to this publicly, alright, but sometimes i just stop to think and realize.. literally my entire life would be radically different if i hadnt been into homestuck when i was 14. like, i would not have had some of the fundamentally important relationships that shaped the way my teen years and young adulthood went. and due to this i would not be living in this home. i would not have the same friends today. i would have been in very different social circles and mightve evolved very differently as a person. i literally might not be alive - i have had my life quite literally saved by friends who i met or bonded with through being into this shitty comic, and by literally i mean was physically prevented from dying last minute. like thats crazy?? and all over homestuck????

[spiltcandycoatedpunkblood]

Hey!!! I'm Evan, a 29 year old white queer Australian-born punk who (unfortunately) lives in the UK.

I'm a queer greysexual gay aromantic polyamorous genderqueer unaligned trans man. I also use aroace mainly for trauma reasons.

I also use helian, novarian, stellarian and singularian under the galactian alignment system, and my gender is made up of my neurotypes, my attraction to men, favourite media and interests, and whatever I feel like at any given time.

My pronouns are:

he/him/his/himself

xe/xem/xyr/xemself (pronounced zee/zem/zir/zemself)

ae/aev/aev/aevself (pronounced e/eve/eve/eveself)

Please mix and match them, thanks.

I am an ND and chronically ill multiple trauma survivor; I have AuADHD, OCD, anxiety, addiction, agoraphobia, trust issues, abandonment issues, CPTSD & coeliac disease. I heavily use music to cope with my multiple disorders and regard my headphones and Spotify as disability aids.

This is what I look like.

Special interests: The Adventures of Tintin, Doctor Who, Sanders Sides (Thomas Sanders), DanAndPhilGAMES, Jeff Wayne's Musical Version of the War of the Worlds & guinea pigs.

Favourite musicians: Avril Lavigne, Linkin Park, The Birthday Massacre, The Pretty Reckless, Motion City Soundtrack, Ice Nine Kills, Delain, Within Temptation, Breaking Benjamin, RedHook, Em Beihold, Against The Current, Green Day, Jonathan Young, Caleb Hyles, ABBA, Paramore, Carpenters, Nickelback, Queen, Honey Revenge, Ashbury Heights, Stand Atlantic, Asking Alexandria, DanAndPhilBEATS, Lø Spirit, Senses & Icon For Hire.

I post about stuff like:

queer issues

social issues in general

selfies, vents and general life updates

a lot about the adventures of tintin (mainly the 2011 film)

memes

neurodivergent issues

occasionally cute animals with absolute favourites of mine like cats and guinea pigs (and small mammals in general, but mainly guinea pigs)

my fanfiction from ao3 under kivancalcite

my favourite music (feel free to talk about music with me)

my fictional male crushes, usually villains

occasional media and film analysis that may devolve into passionate rants

What I don't tolerate whatsoever and will block you on sight as a result:

the basic dni criteria (racist, misogynistic, antisemitic, homophobic, transphobic, ableist, classist, xenophobic, fatphobic attitudes)

claiming that 'narcissistic abuse' is a real thing and believing that having a personality disorder inherently makes you a terrible person

abuse apologism and victim blaming

defending people like d*pp and spacey and other abusers/paedophiles/rapists

defending the british monarchy

being a fucking tory and/or brexiteer (let's be honest, you're usually both)

defending justice system institutions such as the police force (acab)

defending the military, its propaganda, and insidious recruitment techniques

being a paedophile/map/pear, whatever the fuck you like to call yourselves

being a terf/radfem/gender critical/transmedicalist

for that matter, also harry potter and jkr fans, please fuck off

being a nazi/neo-nazi/white supremacist/proud boy/anything to fucking do with fascist ideologies

supporting putin's attack on the ukraine and the idea that we should stop supporting and funding ukraine

supporting israel over palestine and ignoring the media silence and suppression of the atrocities against the latter

supporting ukraine's efforts but not palestine's

defending the capitalist system

in turn, also defending communist regimes and shouting down survivors of them and their atrocities

being a genocide denier

being a pro-life/anti-choicer (from a pro-choice and pro-abortion person)

being a proshipper and trying to justify paedophilic, racist and incestuous ships

being into true crime that romanticises and sexualises actual murderers and serial killers and dismisses the actual victims and their families

being someone who actively profits off of others' trauma and abuse for entertainment

I also have my trauma/mental illness/abuse blog that is more specifically about those things I have experienced and continue to experience, which is @traumacodedtransbitch, which can be far more triggering and violent just so you know.

[spookyboywhump]

22, 23, 33, 38, and 44 for cain!

Ehehe thankie :3c

(22) What are the moral lines they would absolutely never cross? Are you sure there’s no exception at all?

Cain has a few. There are certain grievous injuries that he thinks are absolutely wrong to cause a pet for any reason and not only would he’d not cross it, but he does attempt to intervene when made away of it. Along with that he is strongly against outright killing pets. Despite how terribly he treats the people who have been placed or bought into his care he still seems to think he has some kind of responsibility to keep them alive, even if just barely.

(23) What is the worst thing they have ever done to themself?

Get romantically involved with Nicholas :)

(33) When they’re sick, what comfort do they prefer?

Cain likes to be allowed to rest and relax, while also being frequently checked up on, comforted by the right person, brought things he needs ect. He honestly does not have very many memories of being genuinely cared for when he was sick growing up so he kind of just makes Zander do things for him and accepts he won’t get any actual emotional comfort. Sometimes Nicholas will comfort him and he’ll actually be soft and gentle and really just spoil him and make sure he’s well taken care of, which Cain absolutely loves.

(38) How self-aware are they of their traumas, and do they do anything about it?

Cain is aware that he is likely traumatized from the everything growing up. He is not aware of how trauma actually manifests or affects his mental health he just knows it’s there and he doesn’t intend to do anything about it for a long while until he really doesn’t have much of a choice and other people are outright telling him what needs to be done.

(44) When, if at all, did they first realize they were being abused or had been previously abused? What made them realize it?

I think Cain kind of always knew something wasn’t quite right just from his mother’s reactions to how his father would treat him or behave around him. After that it was when he started going to school with people who had normal families or maybe had families similar to his in the sense they were involved in the same business, but were by no means treated the same, and he realized how horrific the treatment he faced really was. For the longest time he’d swear he wouldn’t wish it on his worst enemy, the things he personally endured or witnessed were just that horrible. He didn’t want to be around it and he tried to leave multiple times but when that didn’t work things ended the way they did

[faggot-friday]

There is something almost poetic

romantic, even

about the way people have to look twice

at my wrists and my hands and my arms

before they go

oh.

it is not blood.

it is ink.

There is something in the way

the words and the pictures and the lines burn

a slight twinge of pain even after the pen has moved on

that is alluring.

There is something in the way

of hurting under the guise of drawing

that keeps the pen coming back to the skin

marking the same lines

over and over.

There is something in the way

the bright red washes away within moments of the water grazing the skin

that makes me think

it is alright.

you're not hurting anything.

it's gone.

it was never there.

There is something in the way that my wrists remain unharmed but I am hurting everywhere and nowhere and everywhere

and the lines shine bright against my skin

and you cannot see it for what it is unless you look

that keeps them there long after they have gone.

[vikvampir3]

I know that logically a good makeout session against a wall wouldn’t fix my depression but yk, what if it does

[gladiatorcunt]

skam norway being popular again would fix me i think

[just3-p3achy]

I know you hear it a lot, “it’s common for teens and young adults to have depression, you are not alone, mental health talks, etc.”

But I just need someone to know I have depression.

[musical-chick-13]

what are you watching?

It's called Subete ga F ni Naru ("Everything Becomes F", or more colloquially, The Perfect Insider).

It was recommended by someone whose general taste tends to match up with mine, but I have uh...mixed feelings. To say the least.

I know that I'm a Grade A Cynic most of the time, but I do genuinely try to give people/media/ideas the benefit of the doubt (hell, I sat through all three seasons of Control Z, and I even enjoyed most of it).

It's really introspective, which I like. The main female protagonist is competent and pretty interesting, I even have a soft spot for the Broody Mentor Man.

I just don't know what this thing is doing. "Evil lady has DID." "Just kidding, it was a conscious choice to mimic other people in her life and become them to honor their memory" (or something???). "But also she might not have fully been in control of her actions?" "But ALSO also, she iNiTiAtEd and mAniPuLaTeD an older man into a """relationship""", who was a viCTiM oF hEr mAcHiNaTiOnS". "Other character has trauma they don't fully remember and there was aNoThEr pErSOn tHeRe tHe wHoLe tiME." Maybe it'll subvert everything and all these pieces of information are wrong and it'll vindicate itself by virtue of a three-act deconstructive narrative structure, like I REALLY don't want to assume the worst and condemn this thing before I've finished it, but...

Idk man, I'm just tired.

[dearreader]

alright i’m going to vent in hopes that’ll get my body to fucking rest because i’ve been through several stressful situations and now that they’re over my bodies letting me KNOW it’s tired but not doing anything to fix it. if you want to read my rant go ahead but be warned ITS A LOT

first my friend found a lump in their breast and had to get it screened to see if it was cancer and they couldn’t go in for a week which made me panic because that’s not only my friend who may have cancer but i’m now panicking over my friend dying and worrying about my dads death and that trauma. then i started telling my tragic backstory™️ to said friend and went into detail over the abuse i got in the sorority which then made me relive all that shit. then my sister comes home for christmas and things shift from my normal routine and i try to ignore it but it’s getting more and more annoying and slowly driving me crazy. then my grandpa dies but i’m not upset because my dad didn’t like his family and tried to keep us away as much as possible and also they’re just weird and didn’t like to get together but i am actually upset in some way that i can’t fully identify because i don’t really care about him and i didn’t react the same way i reacted to his death thst i did ti my fathers and grammys death so it’s not that i’m upset upset but i’m still upset over a death in my family and shit but then i feel kinda guilty because of how awful he was to my dad and grandmother which feels like a whole other can of worms that i can’t express to my mom or sister because my mom always hated my grandpa because of how he treated my dad and my sister flat out told me she said she no longer had any grandparents after my grammy died SO I GOTTA RIDE THESE FEELINFS OUT ALONE. then my sister and i get into a fight because schedule and conflict issues if she’s doing X and needs Y because of work but me doing Y is my normal routine and i can’t do my normal routine now because she’s invading my space and it’s been driving me crazy but it took us 30 minutes of yelling for me to finally get to the root with my sister telling me she won’t take my abuse and will cut me out if i don’t start treating her better because to be fair i do treat her badly and don’t realize it so that’s on me and she snapped at me. but then that whole thing sends me into spiral of my sister hates me and we get into a fight over money but she’s actually not mad at me just annoyed because i’m playing the victim because i send her a long message that i think is detailing what she’s not seeing but it’s more me not taking accountability. then i wake up today and find out my friend doesn’t have cancer and see my sister text me back and i then have to swallow my pride and beat back any part of my brain that’s trying to defend myself when i did over react and hurt her and was mostly playing the victim so we’re goodish. and now im trying to fall asleep but my body refuses to do it even though it’s EXHAUSTED

oh, also my period was over a week fucking late for no reason then to make me miserable during the new year :p

[carolmunson]

always something there to remind me (s.h.)

summary: ten years after the sealing of the upside-down, you and your fiance steve head to a cookout to unwind during memorial day weekend. with steve on edge after a rough half sleep full of night terrors, you hope the day can be salvaged by seeing the party and just relaxing, but a violent thunderstorm changes those plans for the worse. pairings: steve x reader, lumax, edancy. heavy on the steddie brotp tho.

tw: 18+ as always. this story deals with themes of mental illness and ptsd, it is only intended for mature audiences. descriptions of ptsd flashbacks, internal and external (please be advised they are dramatizations). partner violence (unintentional). drinking/smoking. discussions of mental illness. very moody steve but very soft steve. features some tense arguments. smut, like, very loving and passionate smut. this relationship is not perfect, it's also a depiction of a moment in time in 1997. the emotional load was very much a woman's job and i personally think steve would be 'too proud' to be 'too soft' about his stuff. so there are parts that seem kind of 'eh' but -- that's just how things were sorta. gif by @kingofscoops

His pill case sounded like a rattle when you took it from the medicine cabinet, taking it into the kitchen where he was shrugging on his freshly ironed polo. The ironing board and hot iron still set up by the counter. The black stone contrasted nicely against your cherry wood cabinets that he installed two summers ago. That was when you both thought he might be getting better: the night terrors were less and less frequent, the flashbacks far and few between, he was less tense, less irritable. Seeking you constantly for soft touches and kisses, any kind of affection he could pull from you he'd take willingly. Two years ago was your two year anniversary -- when he finally told you the real story. Why he had all those scars, why he can't sleep, why he wakes up in a cold sweat crying. Why you'd never been able to figure out which health care company was providing him with so much medication and therapy when he was working part time at the hospital -- it's because it was the FBI.

It was two years ago where they took you to an underground office where they told you everything. Steve sat next to you, gripping your hand so tightly you thought it might break. They reassured over and over that nothing was coming back, that everything was over, but that Steve and his friends will likely never recover emotionally and mentally from what they endured. Four years into things now, you were both his fiance and his nurse. You checked in monthly with his caseworking team, but in these last few months, they've had nothing but shaky reports. You wondered if maybe his mind just isn't as sharp as it used to be -- you both just entered your thirties, maybe things get knocked loose quicker when you've been to hell and back. "Here, honey," you say softly, putting his pill case on the table. He looks at them and sighs, amber eyes lingering on the 'Saturday' section of the pill box. "Let me get you some wa--" "You don't need to give me my pills every day," he says -- it's soft and sharp, "I know I have to take them. I've been takin' them for ten years."

You offer him a tight smile, "I know, Stevie..." You trail off. 'It's important that he feels in control of the situation, a lot of his role when he was in this situation was to protect others. Try not to baby him about it, he might be fragile, but he doesn't like to feel like he is.'

"It's just...I don't want a repeat of last year," you quietly remind him. He had gotten too sure of himself when he started to feel better -- missing days, stopping altogether, off and on.

He reaches for the pill case and pops open the Saturday square, tossing the main five pills into his palm and then into his mouth. Pain, anti-depressant, anti-anxiety, migraine, blood thinner. The heavy stuff sat in the cabinet above the fridge: Quaaludes, Oxycontin, Sumatriptan, Clozapine -- among others. Every day was a reminder to him that he didn't come out of this a stronger person. His dad let him know that at every visit, treating him like he had a son made of glass. "Don't," he says after he swallows, "Don't start with me."

Your eyes narrow in on the finger he puts up in warning and travels down to his big hand, a vein popping in his forearm and under the band of his watch. His bicep flexes against his polo, you follow it across the expanse of his chest and down the other arm, landing back on the pill case.

You knew last night what kind of day it would be this morning. Desperate reaches for you while he woke up from another nightmare, his damp chest up against yours while he hid his face in your neck. He hugs you so tightly to him so he doesn't float away, and you match his strength as best you can until he falls back asleep. Sometimes it takes hours of stroking his hair and soothing him before he feels safe enough to even close his eyes. In the years you've been together, he's been more and more embarrassed over these needier nights. 'It's just, baby -- I'm a man. I have to get over all this shit.'

"I'm not starting anyth--" "You are," he warns, eyes narrowing. He clenches his jaw, "Don't."

"M'sorry," you breath out. You take the pill case when he sets it back down and bring it back upstairs to the main bathroom. You refill the case before placing it back in the medicine cabinet with a sigh. When it closes you look at yourself in the mirror, no longer the fresh 26 year old he met at the hospital admin desk when he started his part time job as an assistant in the children's psych floor. Gaining hours towards getting his pediatric therapist licensure to help kids who were like him and his friends -- well, sort of. To some extent. You smooth over your button down dress, his favorite one in your closet -- navy blue with beige flowers littering the fabric. It flounces over you in dips and swoops, falling just under your knee. Another sigh and you grab your purse from the bedroom and slip on your sandals, clip clopping down the stairs where you hear him grab the keys. Another Saturday morning where the group gets together and just hangs out, even though Steve sees Eddie, Rob, and Dustin pretty often throughout the week. They've been doing it for years now, but the outside buzzed with the promise of summer, Memorial Day weekend making everyone feel more at ease. Everyone except Steve.

He slams the car door when he gets in the drivers seat, making you jump in the leather of his Lexus. He runs his hands over his jean clad thighs, having grown in size over the last six years with age and trips to the gym. 'I just wanna be in like, peak physical condition if anything tries to come back. I wanna be more ready than when I was a kid, y'know?' And while the muscle was certainly titilating, it made for a very wary you when things went left. "Don't be like that, Stevie," you say softly, your voice calm and gentle like it is with patients on the floor, "I promise I wasn't trying to get on your case. Do you -- I don't know, do you wanna just stay home?" "No," he snaps, looking ahead toward the road as he starts the car, "I didn't pack a cooler full of all the shit you made for this cook-out just the stay home." "Can you relax?" you ask a little harsher than you planned, "Are you even good to drive?" "I'm good. To drive," he says through gritted teeth, pulling down the street. "Are you sure? 'Cause -- Honey you -- you didn't sleep so good last night and I --" He hits the breaks hard, stopping short at a stop light turning to look at you, tilting his head a bit to glare at you down the slope of his straight nose.

"Drop it," he says, the tenseness in his voice sends a chill up your spine. "Stevie I'm not trying t --" "Drop. It." he warns again, "Don't make me raise my voice at you." "Don't talk to me like that," you say sharply while he pulls the car forward when the light turns green. "Then don't talk to me like I'm a fucking child," he snaps back. "Well maybe if you didn't have an attitude with me like one I wouldn't have to," you cross your arms over your seat belt and huff. He shakes his head slowly, tongue tight between his teeth. He thought he knew better than to fall in love with someone who had a tongue as sharp as his. "You're askin' for an argument when you say shit like that to me," he says lowly, the Lexus crunching over helicopter seeds while he navigates through the neighborhood. You see his shoulders rise and fall while he attempts to steady himself -- fuse lit and ready to blow. "I'm sorry," you follow up, a deep breath filling your chest. You uncross your arms to lean your elbow on the edge of the window, resting your cheek in your hand, "I didn't mean that." "You did," he responds, tight and frustrated, quiet. He hastily reaches into his back pocket with one hand, eyes still on the road. Steve pops a cigarette between his full lips and you sigh at the sound of the lighter flicking. “What’s wrong now, hm?” he asks while the cigarette dangles from the corner of his mouth, “What’s your problem?” “Nothing,” you say – it’s something. He takes a drag and blows the smoke out the open window, “It’s just that you bought that pack yesterday and it’s already half way gone. You always chain smoke when you –” “Give me a fucking break,” he snaps, voice raising with each word, “God, can you let me have fuckin’ anything?” “No Steve, I guess not. God forbid I look out for your heal–” you start sarcastically. “Look out for yourself, baby,” he says sharply into the rearview so you can see his glare, “I’m doin’ just fine without you on my back.” You bicker the rest of the way to Ed and Nancy’s house, he only raises his voice one more time. 

Eddie and Nancy's wedding was one for the ages, something about the mixture of straight laced and all over the place that made sense when they tied the knot. The pair, you were told, seemed unlikely until Eddie was in recovery after being removed from the Upside Down. He was down there for six months, tested on for another six. The Party and the older kids would visit him every day, keeping him updated and fed and hydrated. They'd cheer him on when he made advances in his mobility -- but for the most part he just needed rest. Nancy was working a lot, throwing herself into journalism like she always wanted, so she'd come to the hospital late. She wasn't really one for small talk so instead, she'd just read. She'd read aloud while he was asleep, her voice slow and calm -- stoic. Keeping him lulled like still water, she didn't even know if he knew she was there. One night, she picked up where she left off on the first installment of Lord of the Rings, continuing in her soft stoic voice. She watched him lay there with his eyes closed, breath steady, the beeps of the hospital machines in quiet rhythm with him. She at frist felt silly before she started, but maybe in his dreams he could hear her, and maybe just maybe if she does something fun, he won't have nightmares tonight. So she tries it...she puts on a silly voice for Samwise, and she continues with her silly voices. Gruff and manly for Aragorn, gleeful for Sam, some weird form of Scottish for Gimli. She bites her lip, smiling as she tries each one, shaking her curly head at her ridiculousness and stops. Then she hears it...the low rumbling giggle from Eddie in his hospital bed. "Keep going, it's funny..." he said with a grin, eyes still closed. "You can hear me?" she asked, trying to stifle her giggle. "I can hear you every night," he said, eyes peering open slightly, "It's the best." "Do you want me to keep reading?" she asked with a blush. He nods, a soft grin pulling up on his lips while he eyes closes again, "Only if you do the voices."

When you park in the driveway it's clear that the rest of the group arrived before you, their cars already Tetris'd into their places. Steve lugs the cooler out of the back seat with a grunt, hoisting it to rest on his broad shoulder. You roll your eyes at his machismo, like someone is watching him at all times and he has something to prove. You both walk to the back, the sounds of music and conversation and laughter bubbling louder and louder as you get to the gate of the yard.

A symphony of 'Heeeyyy!' and 'There he is!' and 'Finally!' come from the group as he opens the gate and you follow in toe. Eddie comes over quickly to help with the cooler, his hair still as long as it was when he was 20 – the only real updates being his five o’clock shadow and the ring in his nose. A few more weary tired lines by his eyes. His home made Iron Maiden muscle tee had a small sweat mark by the neckline – they must’ve been out here getting ready all morning. “Hey man,” he grins when the cooler gets set down, pulling Steve in for a tight hug. “Hey,” Steve smiles, patting his back hard, savoring the hold. “You alright?” Eddie asks when he lets go, putting a hand to his face, “You feeling okay?” Steve smiles tightly and nods but Eddie only half buys it, returning his look before turning to you. He comes forward, kissing both your cheeks with his full lips, scruff scratching at your skin, “Hi, sweetheart.” “Hi Ed,” you grin, watching everyone else come up to say their hellos. “Where’s Nance?” Steve asks, but his question is answered when she waddles out of the sliding door of the kitchen with a pitcher of lemonade. From the back, you’d have no idea she was seven months pregnant, but from the side – let’s just say, it was gonna be a real big boy. “Honey, what did I say?” Eddie calls out, walking over to her and taking the pitcher. “It’s not even heavy,” she chides back with an exasperated eye roll. You giggle at their bickering, listening to their sweet back and forth with a gentle ache in your chest. You wonder if Steve will be the same way when you’re pregnant. You wonder if the back and forths will sound so sweet, so innocent, so soft. Your thoughts are interrupted by the sound of the cooler opening, turning to look and grab what you can to put in the fridge inside. Steve takes the meat out to put by the grill and a few appetizers that you put together last nice. You take the icebox cake and chocolate covered strawberries, hurrying with them through the sliding door into the kitchen. “I know, mommy just thinks she can do it all,” Eddie coos, resting his hands on Nancy’s stomach while she slices cheeseburger toppings on the counter, “She just won’t rest, are you gonna be like that too? You gonna run me ragged? You gonna be just like mommy?” Nancy laughs and it’s half airy, half from deep in her belly, “Look, it’s just better if I’m active so that I’m not surprised by it when he’s born.” “I know,” he says, kissing her cheek, “I know. You still love me, Wheeler?” “Love you always,” she grins, blushing when she sees you come in with desserts, “Oh! Oh my goodness, let me help you!” “I got it!” you say, “Just hope there’s room in the fridge!” When everything’s loaded up you give each other a hug, watching as Eddie and Steve have a mildly stern conversation about who is grilling what. ‘It’s my grill.’  ‘And? It’s my meat.’ 

“Do you think they should just kiss?” you ask while you watch them. “Honestly, I feel like they need to at this point," she laughs, "Go on outside, I’ll be out in a few,” Nancy encourages and you make your way back out into the very early summer heat – mugginess starting to soak the air around you. Before you know it, you’re already being pulled over to the picnic table to watch a game of Magic the Gathering between Lucas, Max, Dustin, Mike, and Will. El doesn’t come back to Hawkins very much,so you’ve been told – she’s the only person from the group you haven’t met. “So is this like D&D?” you ask, resting your cheek against your palm while you lean on the table. “Yes and no,” Max explains, looking at her options, “It’s like…” “Like poker but D&D,” Dustin says, making Mike, Will, and Lucas snort. “I think that’s the easiest way to explain it to you,” Mike says. “I trust that,” you laugh with them. You’ve been consistently hopeless with trying to learn the mechanics of Dungeons and Dragons but still enjoy watching, loving it more when Steve decides to join a campaign. He lets loose in ways you’ve never seen when he does, smiling and laughing, free like a child in the summertime. The sun beating on your back suddenly disappears when you hear Steve come up behind you with a hand on your shoulder, “Can I have my glasses, honey?” “They’re in the glove box,” you say, turning around, “Why do you need them?” “Oh, is Erica making you read her thesis outline?” Lucas asks, “Just tell her to buzz off. She already passed it in.” “Sinclair – don’t be an asshole,” Steve gives him a look that can only be described as ‘bitchy’, “She wants some assurance. We need another psychologist in the family, and she’s obviously the only one smart enough to get it done.” “Rude,” Max deadpans, flicking her eyes up at him. “You’re rude, twerp,” he says back, he turns back to you after sucking his teeth, "My glasses?"

“I just said, in the glovebox,” you repeat, a little sharper than you meant to. He lets out a huff through his nose, looking at you like he can’t believe you’d get snippy with him before stomping off toward the gate of the yard. “Is he alright?” Dustin asks quietly, “I saw him on Thursday he just…I don’t know, he seems a little tense.” “He had a bad night,” you explain, toying at a splinter in the wood, “He’ll be okay.” The sun disappears again but not from the expanse of your fiance’s shoulders and chest, but from a thick cloud moving slowly across the sky. The relief from the heat is almost welcomed until you feel the humidity raise a bit in the air – a little too tight, a little too suffocating for your taste. 

The party is in full swing while Meredith Brooks’ ‘Bitch,’ blares from the boom box, Nancy and Max screaming the lyrics with abandon while the boys groan. You smile at how much fun they’re having, the afternoon going smoothly enough that you haven’t had time to notice how cloudy the sky had become. Your eyes linger on Steve, glasses on while looking at Erica’s thesis outline with her on the back porch. He had a pen in one hand and a cigarette in the other, the fifth one in the last hour and a half.  "You got something here," he says to her, tapping his pen while continues reading, "Your argument's really strong -- especially about the rates of homelessness, it's almost always trauma related." "Well -- I am me," she says. He raises his brows and nods in agreement. "Can't spell America without Erica," he teases. You watch him, how gentle he is and how he taps through outline, asking her questions about how she feels about the finished thesis, where she got it bound, if the articles he sent over were helpful. They speak in words you don't understand, but it's okay -- he looks calmer, brows softened while they talk, so encouraging. "I'm a bitch, I'm a lover, I'm a child, I'm a mother, I'm a sinner, I'm a saint, I do not feel ashamed --"

Eddie's rasp pierces the groups singing and conversation as he belts the lyrics next to his wife. Everyone looks up to watch him go, laughing as he does. "We should cover this," he grins, "Me and the guys, we gotta cover this at the next show." "So you can get boo'd off the stage?" Mike laughs. "So I can make sure your ass doesn't get in the bar?" he asks back. Mike scowls while Dustin laughs at him -- it's always smarter to not try it with Eddie, he'd always get you back ten fold. With a jolt, you feel something cold hit your hand, looking down to see a water drop splat against your skin. Then another, and another, and another. After the fourth or fifth, the rain starts to come down -- and then it starts to pour. "Alright!" Nancy calls, "Everyone grab something and head inside." The Party rises, wincing as the rain pellets down on them while everyone grabs a foil tray or covered Pyrex filled with food. You follow suit, hurrying inside with the undressed cheeseburgers and buns, laying them safe on the counter in the kitchen. Everyone else starts to file in, Steve and Eddie turning off the grill while the sky starts to darken significantly. The first rumble of thunder sends everyone's face to a flat line -- you wished Robin wasn't spending the weekend in New York City so that you'd have someone on the front lines with you and Nancy to keep everyone at ease. Nancy and Robin definitely had their moments but had a much tighter grasp on the world around them now.

A few flashes of lightening crack followed by deep rumbles of thunder. Boom, crack! Boom, crack, crack! You notice everyone resettle themselves around the kitchen table -- jittery, quiet. You sit down across from Steve while he looks down, following the woodgrain with his finger. You keep your gaze on his chest, watching for a tell -- he swallows the frustration he feels from having your eyes on him. "It's alright guys, just a storm," Nancy reminds everyone gently while she brings in the last of the food from outside. Eddie gets her seated before opening things back on the counter, the kitchen smelling like barbecue while he opens the foils. The conversations start around you again while you sit across from Steve, the tension sitting like a weighted stone in your chest. Another flash of lightning and that's when you notice it, the twitch of his hand. The thunder rumbles and he reaches up to rub his eyes with his thumb and forefinger under his glasses. Shit. "You okay, honey?" you ask him softly. He swallows, jaw clenching, "Mhm." "Okay," you nod, trying not to bring attention to it just yet, just incase it passes. The thunder booms again and he lets out a breath through his nose, he takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes more agressively. You tap your foot under the table and he can hear it, he can hear everything in the room -- the scrapes of foil on foil. The separate conversations. Eddie's laugh while he talks to Nancy. The clinks of silverware. Ice in cups. The drumming of fingers. Your tap. Tap. Tap. Tapping. Under the fucking table could you just stop tapping your fucking foot -- The next crack of lightening is so intense it shakes the house and everyone gets quiet. 'Just a storm', Nancy reminds, but her voice sounds far away. Thunder rumbles again in the distance and he swears when the lightening flashes through the windows it's red. He rubs his eyes again, a short burst of breath coming through his nose. 'Honey?' he hears you but its like he has cotton in his ears. The thunder rumbles again, the slick squelching of vines starts to creep into the sound of it. Another crack of lighting and the lights in the kitchen flicker. But when they turn back on Steve isn't with the group anymore. He's not even in the kitchen. He's back at the Creel House. 'Baby? Steve?' your voice is distant -- does Vecna have you? Did he find you? Is he taking you away from him? Steve whimpers, getting out of the chair, pulling at the roots of his light brown locks -- desperate to pull himself out of the memory, "Help, please..."

"I'm here, Steve," you say rounding the table while the rest of the group stands back, getting ready to help. Max grabs a boom box and Lucas runs to his car to grab his tapes with everyone's favorite songs on it -- just in case. Dustin approaches him slowly, hands out in front of him while Steve shrinks to the floor, back against the cabinets. "Steve, it's me, it's Dustin," he says calmly and slowly, "You're in Eddie's kitchen, Steve." But Steve only hears Dustin saying his name -- Dustin must be in trouble. "I'm coming," Steve says, eyes shut tight, falling further away. You watch as sweat grows on his hair line and neck, muttering a fuck under you breath. This was gonna be a bad one. "Honey, honey," you continue, kneeling down in front of him to ease his hands off of his hair, "You're okay, you're safe. I'm with you." 'Honey.' He hears your voice in the distance, searching for you in the blue black haze of the Upside Down, the thick particles of dust in his eyes. The slither of vines covers the walls and the floors while he ascends the stairs -- where are Nancy and Robin? Weren't they with him? "Nance?" You watch him call out for Nancy and she goes to get up but Eddie puts his hand delicately on her shoulder. He shakes his head no at her, "Just talk to him," he says to her. 'I'm here, Steve, it's okay!' 'It's okay!' But it's not Nancy's voice, it gets more an more deep, more gravelly, more like him. Steve flinches in front of you, soft 'no, no, no's slipping from his mouth. 'Stevie...' Where are you? Does he have you? 'S̷T̴E̶V̴I̷E̵.'

The sound of Vecna's voice booms in his ears, the thunder rumbling, the red lighting flashing to light up the house. You were never here -- Vecna tricked him. He breathes hard, looking around while the vines snake around, searching for him. "Okay, okay baby," you say hurriedly, watching him while he starts to hyperventilate. You raise your voice to get through to him, "Honey you gotta take some deep breaths for me, okay? Can you hear me?" Max and Lucas come back, smacking the tape into the radio and fastforwarding until Marc Cohn's Walking In Memphis crackles through the speakers. They both heave breaths while the song plays, leaning over the table to settle down from running. "You hear the song, honey?" you ask, "Can you hear it? Talk to me, Steve." You reach your hands up, sliding slowly up his chest to rest your hands by his jaw in a soothing touch. But for Steve in the Creel House, the vines have found him, slithering up his chest and around his neck, tighter and tighter against the wall. He tenses, big hands coming up and grabbing your wrists with a grip so tight you whimper. "No, shit, shit, shit! Fuck! STOP! NO! I CAN'T!" he panics, gasping for breath while his nails dig into your forearms and drag painfully downward why he tries to pull you away. "Ow, ow baby, hey, you're hurting me," you yelp out. He doesn't stop, eyes switching from tightly closed to open and unfocused while he reaches up to your biceps, clawing at them in defense. You reach out a final time. "Honey, honey, please, it's me," you say, tears balancing on your lower lashes while he rises, taking you with him. He handles you real rough, grabbing you by the shoulders and throwing you to the ground with a loud thud. And god does it hurt.

"HEY!" Eddie's voice booms out, gruff and loud like the rumbles of thunder outside. He gets behind Steve, pulling his arms close to his chest while Steve struggles against him. Erica and Mike hurry toward you to help you slowly up off the floor. You reel at first, wanting to run back to him. "Stay in front of her Wheeler," Ed warns, "You all stay right there." You stand behind Mike with Erica who takes your hand tightly in hers. You feel the pulse of pain in your arms when you look down -- gouges and deep scrapes, the blood shines in the line of the kitchen. You shake your head out of it and watch on as Eddie and Dustin do what they can to help -- the song continues to play in the background. "No, no," Steve whimpers, twisting his wrists in Eddie's grasp to break free, but in this state Eddie is stronger. He pulls him close, Steve back to his chest while they sink back down against the cabinets. "Shh," Eddie soothes, still holding him tight, "We got you, just listen -- you're in my kitchen. You hear the song playing?" Steve grunts, thrashing while Eddie hugs him tighter to him. "Steve, listen, listen to the song," Dustin says, "Focus on me and Eddie's voice, listen." Steve struggles, less intense than before, "Shh, shh, it's okay Harrington," Eddie soothes, rocking him slowly back and forth. "They need me," Steve cries weakly, breaths slowing while he pulls again at Eddie's hold, "Gotta save 'em..." "Steve," Dustin says again, getting closer. He rubs his shoulder slowly, pressing his thumb into the joint, "We're safe, all the kids are safe." "Safe..." he repeats back. Eddie sighs a little in apprehensive relief, letting go of one wrist to run a hand over his head, turning Steve's face into his chest and holding him close. "That's right, Steve," Eddie says softly, "Safe." 'Saw the ghost of Elvis, on Union Avenue, Followed him up to the Gates of Graceland And they watched him walk right through...' Steve can hear the lyrics, warbled and tinny in the Upside Down. 'Safe, safe, safe.' Echoing through the walls -- it gets dimmer. 'Now security they did not see him, They just hovered round his tomb...' Dimmer and dimmer. 'Almost over buddy, I can tell, we're right here. You feel Henderson?' A soft warm rub on his shoulder, the lyrics to the song, Eddie's voice. The sound of vines fade away, he hears the rain, it fades to black. "Walkin' in Memphis..." Steve whispers, half confused, while his eyes open and focus -- squinting in the light of the kitchen. Overwhelmed he looks around while the room tilts on it's axis. He grips Eddie's leg tightly to steady himself, he's breaths picking up again. "It's okay buddy, it's just us," Eddie says again, "You with me?" Steve nods, face cracking while he lets out a broken sob. You can only watch while Eddie flicks his eyes up at you in another warning to not come closer yet. Dustin let's go while Eddie starts to hoist him up, wrapping Steve's arm around his shoulder while he helps him to the guest room down the hall. "C'mon big boy," he says gently, "Let's get you some rest."

Things feel a little quiet after Eddie comes back from the guest room, he's tense -- no longer having fun the way he was before. His eyes are dark while he heads outside into the rain to have a cigarette. Lucas turns off the stereo and The Party sits back down at the kitchen table for a moment to decompress. They silently take out of the Magic the Gathering cards and start to set up again, Erica joins them seamlessly. When things seems a semblance of stable, Nancy gets up and takes your hand and leads you to the bathroom, "Let's check you out, alright?"

You sit on the toilet seat cover while Nancy takes out a first aid kit from under the sink. You listen while she hums the climax of Whitney's 'I Have Nothing' quietly, searching the medicine cabinet for some Bactine for your cuts.

"Are you okay?" she asks, taking both of your hands to outstretch your arms, she turns them to see the damage -- she tries to hide her face of disappointment but it's clear.

"I'll be fine," you say softly while she wipes down the gouges and scrapes, "I can take care of it Nance."

"No, you just -- just let me," she says softly. The Bactine stings -- so does the way she looks at you -- pitifully. You hear Eddie's boots clomp down the hallway before he shows up at the door frame of the bathroom.

"You okay, sweetheart?" he asks -- you wish people would stop asking. They only ask when they see him lose control. You do this all the time, you take care of him all the time.

"I'm okay," you repeat, "A little banged up, but y'know. It's okay."

"Does he do that alot?" Eddie asks, his jaw clenching, "Does he hurt you a lot?"

"This is one of maybe...I don't know -- four times he's gotten physical with me during an episode," you explain, "And you all know about them."

"Does he hurt you when he's here?" Eddie asks, tapping at his temple.

"No, Ed, don't be ridiculous," you sigh, exasperated that he'd even ask.

"Steve's not like that, Eddie," Nancy says, "We've been over this." "Well, here's the thing Nance," he starts, tense, "We're ten years out of this shit and no matter how bad my shit got I've never put a hand on you like that. Ever." "Eddie --" "No, no, listen," he says, "I don't like that, and I especially don't like that happening in my house in front of my pregnant wife." "And what would you like me to do about it, Ed?" you snap, "I can't -- fuck -- I can't fucking fix him for you." "I'm not asking you to fix him," he says back, a pain deep in his chest coming through with his voice, "I'm asking you to be sure that you still want to be a part of this -- your wedding's what -- October? You really wanna be worrying about this?" "For better or for worse, right?" you ask back, choking on the lump in your throat, "That's the promise." Eddie tucks his lips in, his own eyes getting teary while he scans the gouges that Nancy carefully puts bandaids over. "Ice your hip and shoulder for the first couple days," he mutters, biting the edge of his them, "After a fall like that. Then heat." You nod, quietly murmuring a thank you. "S'what my mom used to do," he says under his breath. Eddie scans you slowly one more time, swallowing hard before pushing off the door frame and walking back down the hall. You hear their bedroom door click closed in the distance. "You know how he gets," Nancy says, "Stuff like that y'know -- that's hard for him." "I know." She takes a washcloth, running it under cold water before squeezing it out. Droplets fall on the fabric of her light purple maternity shirt, leaving dark people marks on the top of her belly. She hands it to you. "Here, for his head," she says softly, "In case he's not all the way back yet."

You creep slowly into the guest room, seeing him laying on his stomach with half his face buried in the pillow. His sculpted arms tucked under it to give him something to hold. "Baby?" you ask quietly, "You awake?" He nods with his eyes closed and you look him over -- big hulking man who needs to be held. He hates it but you can't help but love him for knowing he needs it. You put the wet face cloth on the side table, sliding down next to him while he moves over to his side. In one swift motion you've replaced the pillow -- arms wrapping tight around your waist and up your back, one hand molding over your shoulder. He hides his face in your neck and you can feel his tears on his lashes and cheeks. His shoulders shake while he cries for a while, cold sweat damp on his shirt and the back of his neck. You never check how long he cries for – as long as he does. “I’m here,” you say softly, nails grazing his scalp in a steady swipe, “I’m right here.” You adjust a bit in his hold and you feel his grip tighten slightly, a soft whine of desperation leaking from his throat. “Don’t go, please,” he begs softly. “M’not going anywhere big guy,” you soothe, “This wedding’s already put us ten grand in the hole. Where would I even go, now?” You hear a soft ���tsss’ come out of him, a tug of a smile against the skin of your neck where he hides. 

“Oh, is that funny?” you joke, still coasting your fingers through his hair. He groans, letting his arms let go of you so he can sit up, you can see the tension in his body still. Steve looks down at you with tear stained cheeks and tired eyes, beckoning you forward with his fingers. You sit up for your thank you kiss, his warm palm cupping your cheek while he holds you gently in place. He kisses once slowly, then twice, three times – holding the last so you know he means it. When you break away he rests his forehead against yours, offering a few shallow breaths. You stand up off the bed while he sits off the edge of it, standing between his thighs. 

"Did I hurt you?" he asks softly. He asks after every episode ever since he did hurt you back when you first started dating. A swift smack to the arm that stung for a solid twenty minutes afterward with the amount of power he put into it. It welted. He cried for hours. He wrote you love letters every day for a week. 

You nod, showing him the scratches and bandages on your arms, "I think you thought I was a vine or something. You threw me. Like, to the ground. It was pretty hard."

His lower lip quivers, "No, no, no." “No, Steve,” you assure, trying to calm him, “It’s okay, you didn’t know. It’s alright, I’m alright. It was an accident.” 

His face contorts while the tears start again, his big hands reach out to your waist, pulling you close to him, "It's not okay, it's not alright."

His voice raises an octave while he cries, "I'm sorry, baby."

"It's okay, Stevie, shh," you whisper to him, he pulls you in tighter, body shaking while pressing his nose against your cheek.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he cries, sniffling, "You know I didn't mean it."

"I know you didn't," you say back, your own cry getting caught in your throat. He sniffles again, leaning back to face you, both of his hands cupping your cheeks, his thumbs rubbing the apples.

"I love you," he says with a depth and intensity that makes the lump in your throat give way. You cry with him and it breaks his heart, "I love you so much honey, you know I’d never…"

You nod, trying to calm your cry the way he was able to calm his -- so used to swallowing it up even though you'd beg him not to.

"I – shit – I have to tell you something," he says softly, hands sliding from your cheeks back down to your waist and then your hips. He looks down at the small triangle of mattress between you and the apex of his thighs.

"What's up, Steve?" you ask, running your hands through his hair again soothingly, "What is it?"

He lifts his head up, eyes shutting at the comforting touch, but when he opens them he looks defeated -- guilty, "I haven't been taking my meds at night. I was -- was flushin’ them cause I just -- baby, I don't know. I can't keep depending on this shit."

"Steve."

"I know," he nods, "I know...That's why -- that's why my shit's getting worse."

"You're not just taking this stuff to take it," you say, cupping his cheeks, "It's to keep you here. It's to keep you with me."

"I know," he repeats, voice cracking again, "I'll call my shrink tomorrow I promise. I'll get back on track. Fuck -- I'm sorry -- and I'm -- I'm sorry I was so mean to you this morning."

"It's okay," you nod, pressing a kiss to his forehead. You drop your hands and rub his shoulder, "I think we should go home, alright? We can get on the couch for the night and just rest."

"Okay," he says quietly, nodding. He slowly gets up off the bed, a little dizzy, using you for support. You both slowly walk out of the bedroom, Nancy peeking around the end of the hall.

"Everything good?" she asks.

You smile at her, "Yeah, I think we're gonna head home."

She smiles tightly, heading into the kitchen where the rest of the group still sits, eating and talking. Their heads turn when you both come into view -- soft eyes and smiles.

"I'm okay, guys," Steve nods, barely able to meet their gazes, "It's fine."

Nancy approaches you with a few tupperwares filled with food and dessert, "We'll get the cooler back to you on Tuesday."

"Don't worry about it," you smile, gathering the tupperware in your arms. You watch as the group gets up one by one to give Steve a hug goodbye. Their movements are slow and controlled, warning touches on his shoulders beforehand to remind him ‘It’s just me, it’s just my arms, I’m hugging you’. Soft mumbled words of support, nothing too loud – don’t startle each other. Wraiths of the friendship they all shared earlier. Rehearsed reactions to all of their sensitive needs – if you’ve seen one episode, you’ve seen all of theirs. And you had, once or twice. “I’ll get a copy bound for you,” Erica says while she hugs him. “You make me so proud, Sinclair,” he smiles. Nancy walks you both to the door and you turn, “How’s Ed?” “He’ll call later,” she nods, a look behind her eyes that matches yours. You hug goodbye, share quick reminders about food for the baby shower and a few crafty decoration plans before heading to the car with a very tired Steve. The rain patters on the hood of the Lexus while you both sit in the leather interior, this time with you in the driver's seat. He rubs at his temples with his eyes closed while you rifle through your purse for a sandwich baggie of emergency migraine medicine. “Here,” you say, handing him the pill, “Before it starts to get bad.” “Hmm,” he grumbles in agreement, popping it in his dry mouth to suck it down.  “We’ll be home soon, okay?” you say, hand coming down on his thigh reassuringly, “Just close your eyes for now.” 

He takes the tupperwares when you get out of the car, fishing his keys out of his back pocket while he does. His strides are long while you hurry up behind him, following him into the house only to bump into his back while he’s stopped by the thermostat to turn on the air. “Sorry,” you say softly. “S’okay,” he replies back, barely above a whisper. He puts the food in the fridge while you head upstairs to start a shower, a ritual you’ve both come to learn well after days or nights like these. You take out the good soap, the shower oil, all the aroma therapy you can to get him to ease up. Anyone else watching you get things ready would assume it was about to be a very sexy time for you. On the same coin, these showers are probably the most intimate moments you have with each other. He comes in as the room starts to steam and you help him ease off his polo, you start on the buttons of your dress while he takes off his jeans and socks. He helps with your bra, both of you shedding your underwear at the same time before you step in. Steve soothes almost instantly, his muscles relaxing under the hot stream, sighing further while he gets soaped up. You don’t have to be in there with him, but you do. He needs you so close so he doesn’t float away. His favorite part comes near the end, sitting in the flow of the shower together while you wash his hair. His eyes flutter closed while your nails scratch and massage him – he swears his hair is even thicker than it was before with all the blood flow you encourage. You wash his hair twice, then deep condition, holding him to your chest while you wait the five minutes it takes to settle in. He leaves soft kisses on your collar bone, on all the marks he left on you in Nance and Eddie's kitchen. He holds your hand, so you can’t float away. You both end up on the couch afterward, the leather groaning beneath you both while you lay across the deep seat cushions, you lay on your back, he lays on his side against you. The heat of his bare chest warms you through your oversized sleep shirt. His soft sweat pants tangle up with your bare legs. You let whatever’s on TV play – reruns you guess, you’re thinking about too many other things. “How’s your head, baby?” you ask while his eyes shut, leaning on your shoulder. “S’fine, better,” he says, he lifts your hand and kisses your fingers before placing both his and your hand on your chest over your heart. The ba-dump, ba-dump, ba-dum lulling him to sleep. You half watch TV for however long until your own eyelids get heavy. You click off the TV and opt to turn the stereo on low, just so he doesn’t get lost while he sleeps.

You wake up to oldies, music your parents would listen to on records in the living room growing up – songs that came out a few years before you were born. Oldies. It's dark outside but you can still hear the rain. Steve’s already awake, just watching you while his hand smooths back and forth over your sternum. “You snored,” he says. “Good,” you reply quietly. You both snort out breathy laughs, feeling the warmth of his lips as they smoosh against your cheek. “How you feeling?” he asks, hand coming up to rest on your cheek, sliding down the side of your neck. “A little banged up,” you say, “Might bruise.” “M’sorry,” he says again, a tinge of guilty pink tinging his ears. “It’s okay,” you repeat for what feels like the thousandth time in the past six hours. “You looked really pretty today,” Steve says gently, almost sheepish, “I should’ve told you.” “You looked really handsome,” you say back, “But you were kind of being an asshole so I didn’t want to tell you.” “You should’ve told me, it probably would’ve cured my PTSD,” he says seriously but sarcastically, “Could’ve saved the entire afternoon if you just said how good I looked. Prob’ly wouldn’t have had an episode.” “You’re such an ass,” you laugh, smiling. He leans in to kiss you and it’s the kind that makes you too weak to stand. That kiss got him a second date, it proved that they said about old King Steve in highschool. On the stereo, Sherry Baby bleeds into Unchained Melody.

His hand reaches up under your neck to tilt you up toward him, tasting your tongue with his, guiding you with his kiss, “Angel…” he murmurs. He breathes through his nose while he keeps his lips pressed to yours, desperate to stay here in this moment, attached to you. “Steve,” you say softly, breaking away, “Stevie…” “Please,” he whispers, nuzzling your nose slowly, “Please.” “Lemme take care of you.” “I…” your thoughts trail off while he kisses your neck, sucking and nibbling gently at the spot just by the hinge of your jaw. He waits for your soft sigh, the tilt of your hips towards him – your allowance. He grins when he hears the air pass your lips, the realignment of your spine beneath him while he settles between your squishy thighs. His hands travel south, pushing up the hem of your big t-shirt to your waist, holding you there for a moment while his kiss takes over your mouth again. He tugs your cotton panties down, breaking the kiss while he sits up on the couch to slide them off your ankles. Steve looks down at you with an expression that makes your breath catch in your chest, serious – with supple lips, needy eyes. He leads himself back down again, big hands sliding down the sides of your thighs over your hips to your waist again. Instinctively, your legs spring up to wrap around him while his hips align with yours, feeling his strained cock in his sweats against you. “Jesus…” he whispers again, eyes fluttering closed. He buries his face in your neck while you rock slowly against him, the pressure and friction against the underside of his erection sending low volts through his body. “Mm-mm,” he grunts, shaking his head ‘no’ while mumbling, “It’s supposed to be about you.” “Well stop dangling it in front of me then,” you giggle quietly, he giggles too. The smile sends you reeling, his pretty teeth, the way his nose scrunches. He leans forward again to kiss, he just can’t stop kissing, can’t stop tasting your lips, feeling you against him. Steve’s hand reaches down to pull himself out of his sweats, pushing the waistband to the tops of his thighs while he uses the other to push one thigh out off the couch. “You ready f’me?” he asks huskily, tip dragging slowly from the pool of slick at your opening up in between your folds. He lets his thumb run in slow circles over your clit while he waits for your answer, your slow nod while you lean your head back on the arm rest gives him the okay. He eases himself in slow, the tip pushing past your opening with some resistance. “Open up a lil’, honey,” he mumbles quietly while he guides the tip in again, “Open up for me.”

Your little gasps float out of you and into the fuzzy part of his brain, gliding down his spine. You angle your hips upward, one thigh up against the couch cushions and the other dangling over the edge, spread as wide as you can. He holds himself above you with one arm, the other aiding in pushing himself further in, the tip finally breaching your core. He keeps guiding, slow back and forths while you ease open for him – taking him in, inch by inch. “Oh yes, mhm,” he groans to himself softly, “Thass–hmm-that’s it, angel.” He let’s go when he’s three fourths in, crowding over you, forearms on each side of your head while he strokes slowly to start – getting you used to him, accommodating his size. “That’s good?” he breathes. “Ye-yeah,” you breathe back to him. His mouth latches to yours again, feeling him guide your hands up beside your head, lacing fingers while he presses you deeper into the couch cushions. He keeps his strokes slow and deliberate, feeling every ridge of you inside, how you suck him in and hug him tight in place – but how he feels isn’t nearly as important. It’s the way your brows contort, the way you bite your lip, your whines into his mouth while he kisses you. Each slow thrust makes you coat him in a new flow of slickness. “C’mere,” he says into your jawline, letting go of one hand to sneak behind you at the waist, pulling you flush to him. The new angle makes you let out a whine while he hits a spot deep inside you, he grunts at the reaction, the feeling of you taking him in. His pace picks up the smallest tick, face centimeters from yours – your noses brush, lips barely touching while his amber eyes keep steady on yours. You let out short huffs, little whimpers every time the head of his cock pushes deeper with every roll of your hips. “S’nice, hm?” he asks, brows slanting, softening. “Mhm,” you squeak back, “S-so good, honey.” Your legs pull in again, socked heels resting on the top of his butt while he sighs at the change in pressure. “Thassperfect, god,” he hisses out, head dropping down to your chest, pressing sloppy kisses above your breasts while he gathers himself. He groans into your neck while wet warmth tightens over him, soft velvet walls coaxing him closer and closer to the edge. 

Steve’s shoulders flex while he balances on his forearms above you again, your forgotten hand taken by his, fingers interlocked. His face inches from yours while he looks at you, the way your eyes flutter, the soft parting of your lips, the high pitched  ‘Uhn, uhn, uhn, uhn,’s coming out of them — you’re so beautiful.

“So pretty,” he says to you, huffing a breath into a smile, “So pretty, baby.” 

You kiss him a thank you. You see him swallow when he breaks away, his eyes getting glassy. 

“S’gonna be okay,” he assures, nodding down at you, nose to nose, “We’re gonna be okay.” Slow thrusts  between statements. 

“Gonna get married,” he says, a groan flowing right down into your mouth while he kisses you, “Gonna be just like Ed and Nance, right?” 

You nod while his thrusts get more passionate, deeper.

“Yeah? That’s nice?” he asks, “Marry you? Take you just like this after the wedding?” 

“Yeah,” you gasp back, “Yes, Stevie.” 

“Give you a baby?” he asks in a low whisper into your skin, lips pressing against your cheek, his strong nose dragging against your cheek bone, “Give you so many babies. You want that?” 

“I want that,” you nod, face pinching while you feel yourself building up and up in a slow churn. 

“You want that?” he asks again, coming back to hover over you — tears in his eyes, “You want that with me?” 

You nod to each other while he embraces you in an old movie kiss, wrapping himself around you, pressing him to his chest while his thrusts get purposeful, controlled. 

“I love you,” he pants into your ear, “I’m yours, m’all yours.”

“I love you, too,” you rasp back, free’d fingers interlocking in his hair. He gets leverage on his knees, the leather of the couch squeaking under him while he repositions. Soft smacks of skin between you echo in the living room against the backdrop of the low stereo.   “Oh my god, Steve,” you moan out, “You’re – oh god you’re so deep.” “So deep, angel, Christ–” he huffs, trying to make a mental note of this position so he can remember it for October – really make it stick. His thought process stifled when your nails drag down his back, making his passionate thrusts quicken – a signature cocky smirk flick across his lips. “Mmm, that feels good honey?” he asks – he knows the answer. Your mouth hangs open in a silent scream, tears glazing over your eyes while he feels you pulse over him. Thank god the couch was leather. Watching you bathe in the afterglow of your orgasm he works you toward the second with ease, chasing his pleasure with each soaking thrust into you – so nice like this, so pliant – his little ragdoll. When he cums it’s deliberate, spilling inside you with your eyes on each other. You give one another breathless kisses, bodies interlocked, sticking to the couch in new found exhaustion. The phone rings. Neither of you get up to answer it. ‘BEEP. You’ve reached the Harrington residence – Did you forget my last name isn’t Harr– If you’re calling before October 1997 then it’s not just the Harrington residence yet but – whatever you know what I mean. Leave a message, we might call ya back.’

“Hey Harrington it’s Munson, um, just making sure you’re okay, man. Sorry I disappeared for a little bit there. Love you, call me back when you can. Bye.” 

thanks for reading. <3

[fl3shm4id3n]

ᵢₜ wₐₛ ₒₙₗy ₐ ₘᵢₙᵤₜₑ

𝐒𝐮𝐦𝐦𝐚𝐫𝐲: 𝐘𝐨𝐮'𝐯𝐞 𝐛𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐫, 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐟𝐭𝐞𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐧𝐲 𝐲𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐬, 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐰𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐡𝐮𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐟𝐢𝐧𝐝 𝐡𝐢𝐦. 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐟 𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐜𝐞 𝐡𝐞 𝐰𝐚𝐬 𝐢𝐧.

ꜰɴᴀꜰ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ, ꜰᴏxʏ x ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ), ꜰᴏxʏ x ꜱɪꜱᴛᴇʀ! ʀᴇᴀᴅᴇʀ (ᴘʟᴀᴛᴏɴɪᴄ)

Tw: Spoilers? Missing children, child abduction, mentions of death, FNAF stuff, slight mental illness, mentions of getting committed, a bit emotional with an almost good ending?

A/N: I choose Foxy because he is my favorite both in the game and movie. Hope ya'll like this fic.

Masterlist

You were just gone for a moment, you had to use the bathroom, you thought that he'd be okay with the other kids. When you came out, he was nowhere to be seen. You looked for him everywhere, in the arcade, the ball pit, the bathroom. Then you heard that other kids also went missing. The police got called, you told your mom what happened. You were growing scared and desperate to find your brother. But weeks turned to months, and months turned to years. The police just stopped looking because they didn't find anything. No suspicious activities or of that sort. No one was found and they didn't even find one single body. It was as if they vanished like thin air. But you? You didn't stopped, you didn't plan on stopping until you found what happened to your brother.

Not only that, but your dreams got all sorts of weird. You had always dreamt of the same thing. You were at the Pizzeria, stepping out of the restroom, wearing the same clothes as you did that day, except the place would get darker and more sinister. The people around you have become faceless and the music sounded much more dimer. You'd spot your brother for a moment, then he'd vanish into thin air. Every time that would happen, you'd call out to him. Screaming his name around the pizzeria. You'd also hear a voice, it sounded robotic. It would always spell out something that you couldn't quite catch. But there were some letters that you could make out. 'C...O...M...E... F...I...N...D M...E...'. You were never able to hear it clearly, it sounded like a broken cassette tape. Then you'd wake up. The dream went on for years, you never really dreamt of anything else. If you did, it would always be something that happened in your childhood, evolving your brother. A lot has changed since he turned out missing.

Now it was the early 2000's, you were already an adult. Working a nine to five job at a Target at the mall and living with your mom still. That early morning, you've woken up from that dream. Again, that same dream. You walking out the bathroom, still wearing that outfit you wore that day and the place was full of faceless people and that music. God that music made shivers run down your spine. You did what you'd always do, look for your brother. It always ended with with you entering the main lobby, near the small single stage. And again, that voice. 'C...O...M...E... F...I...N...D M...E...'. You never could make out what he was saying. Then you'd wake up. You didn't understand it. You never understood it. You got ready for work. You put on your red polo shirt with your name tag and your light brown kaki pants. Before you left the room, you looked at a picture sitting in your night stand. It was of you and your brother, on his birthday. You remembered that summer how he had a pirate themed birthday party. He loved pirates. You remember how he would walk around with a black eyepatch and a hook on his right hand. You would even play with him when your mom would be out working late. You always choose to be a mermaid or the villain in his games. You missed those times.

Besides that, you never really planned on going to school for anything. That was the last thing you would be worried about. So you decided to work, maybe save up enough money to maybe hire a private investigator or someone who can help you find something. Now you were at work, doing what you'd normally do. Just helping customers and ringing them out. It was just a regular day. It felt slower than most days. You heard from your coworkers that a security guard got fired, before he punched a guy who he mistook as a kidnapper. If you were in his situation, you'd probably do the same. Now a-days you didn't know who you could trust or you couldn't even look away from a moment because something could happen with a blink of an eye. It was understandable, at least to you.

You've been invited to do things with your coworkers, except you've declined. Always telling them that you were busy or you just didn't feel like going out. It was hard for you to make friends, you had basically isolated yourself from everyone when your brother turned up missing. You never really tried to make friends again. This worried your mom. Since you'd only go to work, go home, eat and sleep. It was a repeated cycle. She had talked to you about going to see a therapist. But you always declined. You didn't want to go and talk to somebody about how after many years you're still on the hunt for your brother. They'll probably medicate you or get you committed into an asylum. You you avoided that topic.

After work, you were back home. In your room, looking through your book. This book had news paper articles, along with police reports, pictures and other things that you've kept for years. This was your kind of evidence that you kept. You'd study these stuff day and night, for the last couple of years. You never gave up. Not only that, but you've tried asking the owner of the place 'William Afton' if you could go into the place to investigate, except the guy never picked up the phone or responded to your letters. You've even tried to get the job as a security guard, but Steve Raglan, who was a career counselor didn't give you the job. He'd always say that. 'It wasn't good for your mental health' or that 'He needs someone who's more calm and collected'. What he probably meant was that he needed someone who wasn't crazy.

You were busy looking at the old, now yellow news paper. Re-reading the article about the missing kids. You've read it many times by now, you might even memorize it. Then you heard someone knock at your door, then they came in. It was your mom. Who had a face of worry. "Y/n? Have you ate anything?" She asked, looking over you saw that she still had her work uniform on, she must have got back. "No, not yet." You responded, then she got closer. Seen what you were reading. She let out a sigh, as if she was exhausted of some kind. "Again? Y/n, we've been over this." She said, then you looked over at her. "I know, but... I just got to find something." You added to her.

She looked at you, seen the dark circles under your eyes. Indicating that you didn't get much sleep. "Baby, it's been years." She said, while looking at you. "You just... have to accept that he isn't coming back." She said sadly, as if she didn't want to say it, but she did. "I know... I just... want to know what happened to him.. or at least who took him.." you added in defense. Your mom then fidgeted with your hair a bit, as if she was fixing it. "So do it, but... you have to stop this obsession. It's not good for you." She said to you. It went silent for a moment, then your mom let out a small sigh. "I'll get dinner started, I'll come to get you in a bit." She said, giving you a small squeeze to your shoulder and she left your room. You sighed, placing your hands on your cheeks and leaned on the desk. Trying to think of what your mom said. Then you looked at picture sitting on the night stand for a moment. After a whole silent minute, you got up from the desk and went into the kitchen where your mom was, to help her with dinner.

You were at the food court, you had taken your lunch break, now you were heading back. You weren't watching where you were going and you've bumped into somebody. Making them drop a book of theirs. "Shit, I'm sorry." You said, picking up the old looking small book with the title which read 'Dream Theory'. Interesting. "It's alright." He said, then you handed the book to the guy. He was cute. He had messy brown hair and slightly tired eyes. The same description as the security guy who got fired.

"Are you... the guy who got fired from security?" you asked him. He had a look of embarrassment, but he nodded. "Yeah, that's me." He said. It was quiet for a moment, but you spoke again. "What you did was understandable." You said, making him look at you with his eyes slightly wide by your words. "You think so?" He asked. "Yeah, now a-days, you don't even know people's intentions or motives. I would have probably done the same if I were you." You explained. He only nodded at your words, at least someone also thought like him. "Well, I better go, hopefully I'll see you around." You said with a small smile. He nodded and returned the smile. Afterwards, you headed back towards your work place, while he also left to his destination.

You were back home, counting the money you kept in a shoebox underneath your bed. It was enough to fire an investigator, but you knew that you'll need more. This would probably cover the bear bare minimum. It was frustrating. You've spent a whole year saving, yet it didn't feel like it was enough. You knew that you should have got a job sooner, than later. Again, you went through the same old articles and pictures. Trying to find something again. But nothing, it was the same old thing. The same words and the same people in the pictures. Of kids playing around the arcade and one of a person dressed as a yellow bunny. That was odd, you don't remember that bunny at the pizzeria. When was he added? When you looked at the picture of him posing with a girl with blonde hair in pick tails, it felt creepy in a way. Almost unsettling. You didn't really notice this picture or you probably didn't notice it at first.

It was another day, you were in the register, ringing people out. You sighed, in exhaustion. Your feet were hurting and time felt much slower than usual. Another costumer came to the register. You gave them the best smile. "Hello-" you were cut off guard, seen that it was that guy you met the other day. "Oh, it's you. Find everything alright?" You asked him, like you'd normally asked every costumer. You scanned the box of crayons and paper, along with a few things he had in his basket. "Yeah, thanks." He said, while grabbing his wallet. "Found a job yet?" You asked him, out of politeness. "If you haven't, I'm sure you could send in your application." You said. "I actually already did, but thank you for the offer." He responded. You nodded, as you placed the items in a white plastic bag with the red Target logo. "What did you find? If you don't mind me asking." You asked him. "A security guard, at some pizzeria. The pay isn't good, but it's something." He explained.

This caught your curiosity. "Really? What pizzeria?" you asked, putting the packet of bacon in the bag. "It's called, I think. Freddy's Fazbear's Pizza, something like that." He explained. No fucking way. You looked at him wide eyed. "For real?" You asked him, he only nodded. Then he gave you the amount of money that was due. As you handed him his receipt, you hesitated a bit. "When can I see you again?" You asked. "Hm, I don't know, maybe in half an hour while I still have time? Why?" He asked, now curious on why you'd want to see him. "It's cause... I'd like to talk to you about something. It'll be worth your while, I promise." You said, he thought of it for a minute, then he nodded. "Alright, I'll meet you in the food court... When does your shift in end?" he asked. "In about an hour, what's your name by the way?" You asked him. "It's Mike." He told kindly, as you hummed in response. Watching him leave in a bit of a hurry, you went back to work hoping that the time would go by fast.

After that hour, you were at the food court, waiting for Mike to arrive. He finally did. "Thanks for coming." You said almost shyly. "No problem, but just make it quick. I got to get back home to get ready for my first shift." He explained. You and him sat on a table. "Look, I know you've only known me for a bit. But, please hear me out." You said. Mike nodded, allowing you to processed. "Could you, maybe let me in the pizzeria, while you do your job. I'm just looking for something." You explained to him. He looked at you with a look of confusion. "Don't worry, I'm not going to steal anything, I'm just looking for something." You explained to him. But he wanted to know a bit more. "I don't know. What exactly are you looking for? Treasure of some kind?" He asked. "Well, almost something like that." You told him, but he still not very convinced. You didn't know whether you should tell him the whole story on why you're interested in going into the pizzeria. You just skipped the subject.

"Not only that, but I'll pay you for your troubles. I just want to go in and look, then I'm out." You added, as soon as you said 'paid' he looked at you with more reason. "How much?" he asked. "Two-hundred dollars per night. It'll just be this week and no more." You told him, seen the look of shock in his face. He thought for a minute. Then he nodded his head. "Alright deal, but, you have to pay first. I don't want to get scammed or anything." He said, then you grabbed your wallet and handed him two fifty dollar bills. He took the money and looked at it, in almost as if he'd never seen that amount in while. "That's all I have for now, but I'll give you the rest afterwards." You explained to him. Mike nodded, he seemed as if he was convinced. "Alright, it's a deal then." He said. After that was settled. "Before I go, here's my house number. Call me if anything." You explained to him, writing your house number on a piece of paper and gave it to him. You normally wouldn't give your number to anyone, but you knew that you'd be seen him for the next couple days.

Back home, you told your mom that you'd be going out at night for the whole week. For some kind of night shift and you'd be back at 6:00 am. You left home and headed to the pizzeria. It was 11:55 pm. You were sitting in your car, waiting for Mike to arrive. A few minutes passed and he had arrived at 12:00 am. On time. He told you to just be smooth and not make it seem as if you were here. He sounded as if he really needed this job. You nodded understandingly and went to search.

Like before, you searched everywhere that you could. Except you got to look more. In the kitchen, boiler room and in the back. But nothing. Despite not finding anything, you'll be back tomorrow night. When you got back to the main lobby, you heard strange movements coming from the single stage. It had dark purple curtains like the main one. You got a bit close, trying to listen and see closely on what was making the inside of the stage move. You reached out and tried to pull the curtains, until you heard the Mike called out to you. "Hey, it's 6:00, we gotta go." He said, you nodded at him, you looked back at the stage. Before you headed out. "Here's the rest." You told him, giving him the other two fifty bucks. He took them. "Thanks." He said, putting the money in his pocket. "No, thank you for letting me do this. I know it's risky." You said with a small smile. "It's nothing really, I just... really need the money and the pay here is not so great. From what I was told." He explained. You nodded. "I understand." You responded to him. "Well, I'll see you later tonight?" you asked him. "Yeah. See ya." He responded with a small awkward smile, then headed to his car. You did the same.

You went home, slept for a few hours. You had that dream once again. But, there was a slight change. When you got to the small single stage, the voice sounded much different than before. 'Y...O...U... F...O...U...N..D... M... E...' You could slightly make out the letters, but the words completely. Then you woke up again. Like always. You got ready and went to work and after work you went home, then you left to the pizzeria at the same time as you did before. Mike arrived, you paid him the while two hundred dollars and you got to doing what you were doing. You searched in the same places, but this time you looked more in the main lobby. It felt as if you were getting closer to finding something, and that something was in the main lobby. You looked under the tables, bathrooms and even in the trashcans, but nothing. But it still felt close. Looking over at the single stage, you noticed that the curtains were open. You walked over to it, and saw that it was empty. Dammit, you thought something would be in there, before you could leaned close to look inside. You heard a loud thud in the office.

Quickly you ran towards the office. "Mike?" You called out to him, seen that he was on the floor groaning in pain. Bleeding from his arm. You went over and helped him up from the floor. "You good? What happened?" you asked him, setting him back on the chair. "I think so, dunno how that happened." He said, referring to the wound on his arm. It looked nasty. You looked around the office, trying to find a first aid kit. When you found it, you helped him patch up his wound. "What did you do?" You asked him, as you tightened the bandages on his arm. "I have no idea, I just dreamed of this kid, with a pirate hook. I chased after him, then he slashed me." He said, this caught your attention. 'Boy with a pirate hook.' That must have been a sign somehow.

When you got back home, your mom was getting ready to leave. You talked for a bit before she left. When she did, you went to catch some sleep before work. You went back to that same dream, back at the pizzeria, except you were in the last place where it ended. At the single stage, it was open. But it was empty. You got close, leaning in to look inside, but it was dark. All most like a bottomless pit. You stoke your hand in to see if you might find something, inside but you felt something grabbing your hand in the process. You heard the voice again. 'Y...O...U... F...O...U...N..D... M... E...'. Then the house phone rang. Making you wake up with a loud gasp, a bit frightened. Groaning that you've been woken up. You got up and walked towards the living room. You picked up the phone and answered.

"Hello?" you asked through the phone. "Y/n? Hey it Mike, sorry to interrupt whatever you were doing, but. Did you break into the pizzeria earlier this morning?" He asked, sounding worried in a way. "No? I was home the whole time. Why what happened?" You asked him. "Apparently someone or a group of people broke in. I just wanted to conform something." He explained. "That was it, sorry for interrupting." He apologized. "It's alright, I get it. I'll see you later tonight." You said, then you hung up. Who the hell would break into the pizzeria? That was a bit suspicious. You looked at the time and saw that it was close to being time to go to work. You sighed, walking back to your room to get ready.

Later that night, you were back at the pizzeria, waiting for Michael. He arrived, once he parked and stepped out of the car, then he went to the passenger door and opened it. A little girl stepped out with a small back pack. They both approached you. "Sorry, I couldn't get a hold of the babysitter and I just couldn't leave her alone." He explained to you. "Are you Mike's girlfriend?" she asked. Making you giggle and her brother's face turned a slight red. "Nah, just a friend." You replied to her. "Hm, I didn't think he'd have any." She said, making you laugh and Michael's face becoming redder. After you had a small introduction, you went in.

The place was trashed and a mess. While Mike went to put Abby to sleep, you decided to get some cleaning supplies to help clean the mess. You went to the janitor's closet to find some things, you spotted how on the door there was a dark liquid that had been splattered on there. Weird, it looked almost similar to blood, it was probably an old stain of some sort. You got brooms, dustpans, a bucket, mop and cleaning products. Then headed back to the main lobby. When Michael arrived, you and him got to cleaning. You both swept, mopped and you stocked up the chair and tables. Afterward, he went back to the office while you went on your search. Trying to find any kind of new clues maybe, but nothing. Some 'evidence' must have been cleaned up. You headed back to the office and saw that Mike was asleep and Abby had woken up. "Can you take me to the bathroom please?" She asked. You looked over at her sleeping brother and back at her. "Yeah, lets go." You said, taking her hand and leading her to the restroom.

You were waiting outside of the restroom, waiting for her to finish so that she could go back to her brother. The door opened and she walked out. "Done." She said with a small smile. Then a small noise was heard in the stage. You and Abby looked over for a minute. "Stay behind me." You said, then you slowly walked towards the lobby, with Abby behind you. You saw how the stage slightly shook, you kept the younger kid behind you, grabbing a broom. To defend yourself. Then the curtains of both the stages opened, revealing the animatronics. Of a bunny, bear, and a chick. They were all in good condition, with a bit of dirt and dust on them. The single stage had a fox, a bright red one that was more tattered than the rest, also with some dust.

They all moved their heads, towards your direction. Then they began to walk towards you both. You don't remember them doing that. You held the broom tightly, and kept Abby behind you. Except she peaked and looked towards the animatronics. "Those are my friends." She said, removing herself from behind you and going up to the four animals. "Abby wait." You said, getting closer to them. She seemed as if she knew them. Did she? You kept your broom in hand, watching as Abby interacted with them as if she's known them all her life. You felt something touch your shoulder, looking over, you saw the red fox. He was moving his ears and hook for a hand excitedly. Instead of feeling scared, you felt some kind of attraction? "It's okay, he just wants to hug you." Abby said to you, now the animatronics were looking at you. "He does?" you asked her, she then nodded.

Turning to face the fox, that was twice your size. You set the broom aside, then you extended your arms and moved closer to him. He did the same. You wrapped your arms around the cold fur like robotic body. His arms were around your smaller body. It felt a bit odd, but the more you hugged him, it felt comforting. You felt his hook for a hand giving you small pats, as a way to ease you. This felt nice, then you pulled away from him. Looking at him in his single eye. He moved his jaw excitedly, as well as his ears. It was cute in way. You gave him a small smile. Out of nowhere Abby began to laugh, you looked over and saw how the others were tickling her. She just laughed, which lead to some playful screaming and her telling them to stop. It was all fun and games, until you heard Mike run in to see what was happening.

As soon as he got there, he assumed Abby and you were in some kind of danger, he then grabbed a chair and held it up, as Freddy approached him. About to fight him. "It's okay Freddy, he's my brother Mike." Abby said towards Freddy, who had seemed to have calmed down. Allowing him to let Mike pass. "Mike, this is Bonnie, Foxy and Chica. Everyone, this is Mike." Abby introduced everyone to on another. "This is... is a joke right?" He asked, looking confused at you. "I thought I was tripping, but no." You responded to him. "It's okay Mike, they just want to play." Abby told Mike, then Chica turned to her and gave her a wink, making her smile.

"Alright, it's time to go, come on." He encouraged Abby. "Hold on." She responded to him, then she grabbed her little notepad and a red marker from her pocket. She drew something real quick and tore it off the notepad. Bonnie held out his hand, letting Abby put the picture on his palm. He then showed the picture to Foxy who looked very interested in the heart drawn on the paper. "I had a lot of fun." Abby told them, she then walked towards Mike. But stopped and gave Freddy a nice hug. Freddy returned the hug back. You looked at Foxy, who was waving his ears and jaw rapidly again. Also waving his hook around as if he was waving at you. "I'll see you around?" you asked him, he nodded his head. Then you walked out of the place with Mike and Abby.

"That was something." Mike said, watching Abby get in his car. "Yeah, it was." You responded, looking back inside, seen that Foxy was near the door. You guessed to make sure that you would all leave. You turned back to Mike who was closing and locking the gate. "So, find something?" He asked again. "Not yet, but I'm much closer than before." You explained to him. After he finished locking up the door. "I better get going. I got work in a few hours." You told him. "Alright, I'll probably stop by." He teased, making smile. "Alright, don't be a stranger." You told him, then you looked at Abby. "Goodbye Abby." You said kindly to her and she gave you smile, then you headed to your car, turned on the engine to get home. Back home, your mom wasn't there. You assumed she went to work early. You took off your shoes and just jumped on the couch, getting comfortable. Taking yet another nap before work. Hopefully afterwards you could get some better sleep. You fell asleep shortly afterwards.

You back at the pizzeria, except wasn't almost scary looking and dark like before. It seemed more friendly and nice to be in. You were standing outside the bathroom, the same clothes as before. Looking around, you saw someone in front of the single stage, they were small, like a child. You got closer to see who it was. Your eyes widen when you saw the back of that person's back of his head. They slowly turned around. You saw that it was your brother, he looks just like how he did when he went missing. He had on his orange shirt with blue jeans, shoes and his pirate hook that he had made.

"You found me." He said, you felt your eyes watering. It's been so long since you've seen your brother. You almost forgot how he looked like. You said his name in a whisper, then you went over, getting on your knees and pulling him into a hug. "Oh...I'm so sorry, I was only gone for a minute. I knew I should have been more watchful of you." You said, as you cried more, hugging your brother. "It's okay. You found me" He responded to you, all you could do was hug him and cry. As much as you wanted to continue to hug and be with him, you couldn't. This was only a dream. You pulled away, and looked at him in the eyes. "Please... I have to know... who took you?" You asked him, hoping that he'd give you answer or a clue. He didn't say anything. "Please tell me, who took you from me and mom?" You asked him again, but again. Nothing. Before you could ask him again. You woke up.

ₙₑₓₜ ₚₐᵣₜ

[gabrielsbubblegumbitch]

asking for Velvette Dx and/or head canons if it's not too much hassle! Plz and ty!

tw // suicide

I would like to preface all my posts on headcanons related to psychology and mental illness with a disclaimer: diagnosing mental conditions, especially personality disorders, can be extremely challenging. It's a complicated process that relies heavily on a psychologist's interpretation of facts, making it susceptible to biases. Personality disorders cannot be diagnosed based on surface-level observations and are not just labels that we can assign to people like in the case of MBTI. Additionally, I am not a clinician with any expertise in diagnosing people. Therefore, the following post should not be taken as a reliable professional opinion. It's simply my interpretation of the internal mechanisms that may be responsible for the behavior of certain characters in my fan fiction. Furthermore, I want to make it clear that I have no intention of stigmatizing people with personality disorders by associating them with villains. A personality disorder does not determine someone's character or make them a bad person. Some characters may be evil because of the choices they make, not as a result of their mental conditions.

So, as I mentioned, I headcanon Velvette as having an Antisocial Personality Disorder. It is characterized by lack of sympathy or empathy for the rights of others, while simultaneously acting charming and interpersonally manipulative.

❤️ Throughout her childhood, Velvette lived exclusively with her father in the impoverished and sketchy part of the city. Her father worked a lot to earn them living but at the same time he drank a lot and while drunk tend to be aggressive. Also he surrounded himself with bad people. In my mind Velvette can deal with Vox and Val's shit so well because since she was little she was surrounded by unpredictable and violent men. At this point she couldn't be less scared of them.

❤️ She endured relentless bullying during her school years due to her inability to afford stylish clothes and gadgets. This was particularly hurtful for her, given her deep passion for fashion. Velvette devoted all her free time to design stunning looks, harboring a fervent desire to be able to wear them.

❤️ Around 12, she figured that following rules was pointless, being in a disadvantaged position due to her family's poverty. The sole way to boost her social status, in her view, was to break those rules. This extended beyond minor offenses like stealing groceries; she engaged in more serious crimes, such as taking money, clothes, and jewelry from stores and individuals. She never felt any remorse for these actions; to her, they were merely a means to achieve her goals, regardless of the harm inflicted on others.

❤️ She never finished her education because sticking to school rules wasn't her forte. She had the smarts and charm to sidestep juvenile detention. Despite concerns from a few individuals, we all know how well the system deals with "troubled teens." Besides, her father wasn't bothered by psychologists' opinions as long as she was bringing in some cash.

❤️ As a young woman she used her charm to manipulate men and take advantage over them. While she contemplated sex work as an easy money-making avenue, she found men too repulsive to engage in it. Instead, her preferred method involved blackmail – she seduced married men, particularly the submissive ones drawn to her aggression and coldness. Through this, she gathered intelligence and skillfully weaponized it against them.

❤️ At some point, she blew up as this super popular influencer. It kicked off with her sharing cool, low-cost looks on the internet. People loved her sassy attitude and creative stuff. But as she got more famous, it stopped being about creativity and turned into a power trip. She built a cult-like following around herself and started abusing her power. Being openly mean worked in her favor online – people ate it up, especially when she got into online fights. No matter how wild it got, no one could successfully cancell her. Actually, I think Vox really admires her talent for stirring up drama. He pushed her several times to get on some reality show, thinking it'd make the ratings explode. But the darkest stuff Velvette pulled wasn't out there for everyone to see. It all went down in her DMs. She justified it as "finally getting justice from rich white brats," using her influence to get teens to pull off crimes and risky stuff. She even manipulated at least two depressed kids into taking their own lives. When shit hit the fan, and she knew prison was coming, she took it as one last chance to torment people. During a "live stream apology," she commmited suicide in front of thousands of people.

❤️ In the show, it's evident that she's downright rude. Not just to Carmilla and the other overlords, but also towards Vox and her own employees. The lack of sensitivity and respect for others, coupled with a strong sense of superiority and being extremely opinionated, are typical traits associated with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD). My girl literally got song called Respectless.

❤️ She disregards any kind of authorities and when someone tries to impose their will onto her, she's going berserk.

❤️ She genuinely couldn't care less about what people think of her; she despises people that much. In fact, being hated now excites her because she knows she's untouchable and influential and it makes everyone even more angry.

❤️ She's extremely reckless, even if she knows it could hurt her – another trait associated with APD. While we observe Vox and Valentino able to behave when necessary, Velvette storms into overlords' meetings guns blazing and starts with insulting everyone, even though she aims to convince them to align with Vs.

❤️ She struggles to form genuine connections with other people. Still, she's got a soft spot for Vox and Val, sort of considering them her friends. At the same time, she sees them as just a couple of guys she can easily play to her advantage.

Vox hc | Valentino hc