#tw bad therapist
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Hear me out:
Evil therapist.
Whumpee gets out of whatever situation they’re in with Whumper and goes to therapy, turns out their therapist is some sort of demon/being that feeds off of fear and trauma
So they just keep milking the information out of Whumpee about how they were hurt, all under the guise that it’s to help them but really it’s so they can feed
#whump#whump blog#whump community#whump writing#whump scenario#tw bad caretaker#bad caretaker#tw therapy#tw bad therapy#tw bad therapist#tw demons#tw nonhuman#tw fear#tw trauma
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I dont have a lot to add on other then THIIIIIIS, my older sibling was in therapy and anti-depressants and all the medication did was not only fade out the Delores I’ve feelings, but EVERYTHING ELSE, I’m talking zero emotion in their own words, and all therapy did was fuck them up more! Therapy is at worst something that can make you feel worse then before therapy, at best it can save your mental health, but YOU NEED TO HAVE A GOKD THERAPIST THAT WONT DOWNPLAY YOUR SHIT BEFORE YOU CAN GET BETTER.
i do think therapy recommenders on here wildly irresponsibly downplay its potential risks lmao starting obviously w/ the threat of psych and criminal institutionalisation which is structurally inherent to the patient-physician relationship but also the maybe more mundane risk of simply receiving treatment that is bad for you and counterproductive. i do not know where the idea came from that therapy is 'at worst useless'. at worst it fucks you up majorstyle
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a couple wips. I don't really like drawing lately
#jake english#dirk strider#dirkjake#homestuck#idk if any of this counts as gore or whatever but#tw: implied gore#dirk is my muse (this is a bad thing)#edited to remove me calling my art shitty bc my therapist told me to be more positive also it isnt shitty its just not up to my standards
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So i was in therapy (unfortunately its for depression and not hrt) and I was talking about gender dysphoria, my transphobic parents and the way society treats trans people. I had to stop talking because my therapist started crying. I just sat there quietly until she stopped crying because I what am I supposed to do in that situation?
#so i was like#therapist#therapy#depressing shit#sorry for being depressing#tw depressing stuff#tw depressing thoughts#gender dysphoria#tw dysphoria#transphobes#bad parenting#bad parents#started crying#quietly#what am i supposed to do#i dont know#what was i supposed to do#what do i do#what do i even do#transgender#trans issues#trans pride#trans positivity#trans people#trans community#trans
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That one time like three years ago when I convinced myself for a few months that I was really a terrible person who somehow managed to accidentally lie and manipulate my entire family, friends, teachers, and even my therapist and specialist doctors into believing I was a good person (I genuinely believed that I wouldn’t have had all the trauma and friendship issues if I wasn’t a bad person. This was a lie. You are amazing if you are reading this)
#sad but true#depresso#tw depressing thoughts#depressing life#sorry for being depressing#sad thoughts#guys really it’s fine i’m in therapy#therapist#therapy#friendship breakup#friend loss#bad friend#friendship#medical trauma#trauma
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Too tired to draw, what is this curse. I wanna draw so badly but can't even focus on the screen, augh
#talk tag#rant#i guess?#i feel super bad about complaining in here#but where else would I go with it#I just got a stressful job and keep messing up#not the job itself. but relationships with coworkers#it's so stressful bc I don't wanna come across as mean#it's just my face/voice when I'm not constantly making sure it's soft and nice#I don't wanna be mean#can't just go and say “it's the neurodivergence”#since I don't even know wtf is wrong with me#<- afraid of therapists#bc if I go to even one therapists and disregards my struggles I may just cry. and impostor syndrome again#rambling in the tags#will delete this later#i just needed to get this out#I also keep infodumping to clients and not sure how that's gonna fly with the bosses#...probably not well#english is hard today wtf#tw vent
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Dabi is surprisingly a lightweight. You honestly would’ve never figured by looking at him, but as you think back on it, you’ve never really seen him drink a lot. Not when there were celebratory parties, or when things didn’t go right for him. It’s why you’re so shocked when you convince two shots into his system, why he suddenly looks so loose, why his grin splits so wide.
He’s a clinger, you’ve also learned as you’ve started observing the blue eyed man where he shoves his face into the crook of your neck. His body bends over almost uncomfortably to fit into the position, and you can’t help but flinch a little when his damp breath blows a quiet little raspberry on your flesh.
omg wait my favorite thought is of you not even necessarily being a heavyweight, you can just handle your liquor a little better than anyone expects. you love to knock back drink after drink, convince Dabi into some stupid competition that he falls for because he’s such a little nerd and secretly wants to impress you. he does it thinking you’ll be the drunk one first, the one hanging off of his arm and hopefully his dick by the end of the night.
it belatedly shocks him when it’s the exact opposite. when he’s slurring a little and smiling at you, when you watch him through low eyes with a wide grin, when he wraps himself around you like a python, when you shake his face gently as you squish his cheeks together in hand. he’s just so utterly obsessed with you in these moments, and maybe it’s the liquor in him, but he knows his lowered inhibitions are only bringing forth the feelings he’s always suppressed.
drunk sex with Dabi where he’s the one too loose limbed and limp and weak. he flops onto bed like some rag doll with his arms and legs spread wide, but he musters up enough strength to release the heavy weight of his cock from its confinements. doesn’t do much besides lift his head from the pillows with a point to his crotch and a lazy grin, an announcement of, go ahead and hop on already before he’s flopping back down again, ready to lay back and get fucked like how he knows he deserves.
#at first I wrote about him getting whisky dick and not even realizing it and being so embarrassed about it the next morning#but it made me laugh too hard and I was like#no one will enjoy that dude shut up AJSHDKDJDJD#but omg lightweight baby that can only cling to you and whine to go back to your room to fuck#only to pass out immediately on the bed lmfao#I love him I’m gonna str*ngle him so bad#anyway I finished all my work for the week and now I feel empty so I will be moving onto next weeks work tomorrow LOL NERD#but everything next week is simple too so why not get it out the way ya know????#after that I might sit down and actually write another fic since it’s been a little minute#everyone voted for therapist obsessed bkg next but I kinda wanna write something emotional for touya now lmfao#I’m becoming so obsessed with him and it HURTS!!!!!#I can only handle one ☝🏻 at a time or else I start getting the shakes#also omg my regular dr is making me go to the heart dr bc she said my anxiety worries her for my physical condition aksjdj embarrassing#okay bye I’m gonna read a little and sleep#—new treat in the streets! 🍫#dabi treats! 🍬#tw: alchohol mention
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Mouthwashing Spoilers
TW: Addiction and Self Harm
I wanna go on about Swansea's final monologue but it's hard to put into words, but I'm gonna try anyways cause it's a short, but strong story about autonomy again. This post ended up significantly longer than I wanted though
It's the autonomy to choose the "less healthy" option because it's appealing to you. It's the moral assignment to normality and stability. An alcoholic is an alcoholic by choice, technically, but do they owe us otherwise? Is it morally reprehensible to enjoy taking LSD at a party? Should we see someone as less than because they relax with a xanax instead of a hot shower? It's not healthy. We know that. We've seen anti-drug ad after ad after ad. But is that the part that's morally wrong, in and of itself? Does enjoying the drugs and chaos make Swansea a worse person?
Like him talking about his entire life and ending it by saying between the "stable" "normal" life and him waking up every morning with a new hangover, he preferred the latter. People always talk about getting clean and fixing their lives and Swansea did it! He did the thing "good men" do! A wife and kids and a trade job and sobriety! He was doing it! He was finally "worth" something!
And he hated it! I mean I don't know if he actually hated/despised it, but he misses his previous life. He misses drugs and partying and living like you might not wake up the next day. He said the thing that changed him was seeing himself dead in a ditch under the bright beam of a streetlight. Now he's looking down the barrel of a gun. And as he looks down it, he looks back. That was his preference. It felt good to be like that. And he wouldn't be here if he stayed there
We always have a narrative about drugs or gambling or sleeping around where a person suddenly realizes that they aren't "doing anything" with their life and becomes stable and it's always played like addiction is a false pleasure. Swansea got to the stability people said would be the real pleasure of life and that just wasn't true for him. One bad paycheck could've been the difference between his stable life and falling apart anyways. His lifestyle was going to kill him someday apparently, yet he's staring down the barrel of a gun at his steady trade job to feed his wife and kids.
I don't know quite how to word it but Swansea is the poster child for rehabilitation. There's this weight to him saying his alcoholic period was the best time of his life. Like it just hits at that pang that makes people wear DARE shirts while smoking weed and post those videos of smoking 100 cigarettes at once. Anti-vaping ads tell you about the damage they do to your body but everyone knows that already. Everyone knows "this is what your brain looks like on drugs." I smoke medical marijuana and it isn't good for my lungs but it's good for my pain. Doing drugs isn't good for me and I know that and that's sorta the point sometimes.
I don't know it's just this weird pang where I know what Swansea means, just not to nearly the same extent. I don't have an addiction so I don't think I could fully understand it. Maybe a better thing I could relate it to for myself is self harm. It's not healthy sure, but who do I owe health? Myself? Other people? And what is healthy? Is it feeling better now? Is it resisting now and feeling worse for it until it stops? What if the coping skills I learn make it worse? What if they make it better? Do I want it to get better? Does Swansea want to get better? What would better feel like to either of us?
Who knows until you try. Swansea got a collared shirt, a mortgage, and a credit card. He got a job and a wife and kids. He got sober. He got healthier, depending on your definition.
But did he feel better? He's looking down a barrel of a gun and he has to decide if he feels better. It doesn't seem like he regrets his new life. He says he wants his kids to be better than him. He wants good things to happen for them. He saw himself as one bad slip away from falling again. I don't think he felt better though. I think he got healthier. He likely would've ended up in the ditch he dreamt about, but we don't know that. We also don't know if that's what he'd prefer. But, we do know he got healthier, depending on your definition.
#mouthwashing#tw addiction#tw self harm#It got a little personal in the end but I keep watching that scene cause it reminds me of a convo with my therapist#It's been a lil under a year since I last self harmed#but he told me that things like addictions and self harm are tools#they're neutral actions that either make you feel better or worse#and that's usually up to the circumstances around the action rather than the act itself#Taking narcotics might fill you with shame or make you feel giddy. Maybe even both#Self harm can make you feel embarrassed but cathartic#That's unhealthy#now what?#There needs to be something to replace that feeling or you'll just crave it until you can't stand the feeling anymore#And sure you can talk about will and self control but why? Who are they doing this for? Themselves? Friends? Family?#Cause there's so many factors that can make that difference and sometimes the answer is 'No one'#So you crave and is that healthier? I'm not saying to self harm again or break your sobriety#But there's gotta be something to replace it. AA and NA use a higher power and ppl use nicotine gum for smoking#Essentially what I'm saying is that it's not the end of the world to enjoy your addiction#Is it unhealthy? Absolutely. Wounds can get infected and drugs can be laced or you can OD#But is it morally wrong for Swansea to say those were the best days of his life?#Is it wrong for him to live the sober life and decide he preferred his alcoholism?#My therapist doesn't want me to harm myself. He'd prefer for me to learn new coping skills to replace it. And I did#The urges still come up for me sometimes. He says they come up for him too. Less so. But they do#He says a relapse could happen. What's wrong with that? You just start over with a new goal and a new skill. And if that skill is worse?#Well that original tool is there until you get a new one. It's not great but it feels better than a new bad tool#And maybe it's okay to fiddle with that old tool if you don't wanna bother with a new one again
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*big sigh* I wish I was undisturbed by sexual content.
(Edit: ok to reblog now if you feel it relatable or just want to save the post. I was feeling insecure earlier but I'm better now)
I'm not talking about light suggestive stuff like a kiss or cuddles, I mean straight up sex even when *that* part it's censored. I don't mind naked or semi naked bodies but sexual acts it's what I can't stand.
One would think that getting exposed to it would make you develop some tolerance, but no.
I thought if I just scrolled past it to get to the stuff I actually want to see it wouldn't bother me, but it does.
I already have filtered some tags that I think are mostly used but sometimes someone forgets to add the tags or uses tags that I don't have filtered or what I think is the worst, uses the wrong tags.
It sucks because it's no one's fault but I always have to get jumpscared by an image I don't want to see, and it sucks that just because of that I get my mood ruined. It's so stupid. The way I get so uncomfortable by this just- ugh.
I run from the sexual artwork, but the robots with penises are faster.
#lyna rambles#vent#tw vent#using Tumblr as my therapist once again#I feel bad sometimes coming here to vent but it's the only place I feel comfortable venting#and I have seen more people do it all of the time#but it feels like I vent about stuff like twice a month
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you would have thought that i’ve learned my lesson by now about going into the ocd related tags on this goddamn website… and yet!
#i reached out to the last therapist i was seeing to try to reestablish weekly meetings#but dear god i’ve been compulsively scrolling through the tags and online forums to make sure that my experiences are the same as others to#prove i actually have ocd and that the intrusive thoughts aren’t subconscious desires#WHICH BAD UNHEALTHY#ESPECIALLY BECAUSE IVE BEEN DIAGNOSED#but also fucking of course the ocd related tumblr tags particularly pocd would be full of insane discourse and reassurance seeking#like fork found in kitchen#i really hope i’m able to get back into therapy soon#and maybe get back on medications#vent#tw ocd
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#tw suicide#idk i feel like i am probably gonna kms after TIT#i would do it sooner but i asked one of my friends to come with me and it would suck if i made him go alone#and it is something to look forward to which is helping me hang on i guess#but ughhhh once uni starts again in september i know everything is gonna fall apart.#i already got an extension on my thesis due to being a useless shell of a person who can't motivate themselves to do anything atm#but i was supposed to get some work done over the summer and have so far done nothing#hence why i want to kms before i have to talk to my fucking supervisors again and admit yet again that i simply cannot do this 😭#and it's not just this. my executive dysfunction has been so bad over the past couple of years and it's only getting worse#to the point where i can't imagine being able to work at all. and if i can't work i can't get out of my parents house#and then what the fuck is the point.#every time i see someone on here talking about bonding with their parents over dnp I'm like damn what's it like#to have parents who actually want to talk to you DSFGJJKL i know they let me live in their house at my big age#but that's only bc id literally be homeless otherwise and they're not like evil. they just don't love me#also went through a deeply embarrassing breakup recently#tl;dr ive been in love with this person for over a decade and i thought they were the dan to my phil or vice versa.#then after 10 years they left me and i'll spare the details but it has me wondering if they ever loved me#i thought it was a “let's live together and get a cat one day” relationship#but now i feel like for them. it was just a “sex and video games” type situation#i am trying soooo hard to at least be creative bc that makes me happy sometimes but it's hard to not be overly critical of myself#and now im getting to a point where i can barely even find any joy in this space any more. for a bunch of reasons#most of which revolve around me being extremely sensitive. and this is like my last bastion of dopamine so that fucking sucks#idk i don't see the point in my life any more. a social worker actually told me recently that i should consider euthanasia so.#it's just completely over for me i fear#this is not even mentioning all the damn migraines. and all the other ways in which my body simply doesn't work properly#sorry for this weird ass vent I'm not in therapy any more bc i couldn't find a therapist willing to treat me+all my diagnoses at this point#and im scared my friends will stop wanting to talk to me if i talk to them about this. several of them already have#the 2 friends i have left anyway. that's a whole other thing. when they said it's hard for autistic ppl to make friends i took that persona#so uh at this point it's vent here or develop a substance abuse problem. and im already halfway to having a substance abuse problem#anyway dan and phil for the love of god please fucking post something tonight. unfortunately you are my only hope
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A comic about mortality and befriending a death God
#Death anxiety#Thanatophobia#For the past few months i’ve been having increasingly bad intrusive thoughts about death and the after life#And my therapist recommended me that I make my own character that represented my thoughts on death and such—#So thats how this comic came to be!#Meet The Out of Body Experience!#Death tw#Including that jic#For any creatives that are struggling with death anxiety or in my case death OCD I genuinely do think transferring those compulsions into#Something more positive like art is very helpful. Thats why I’m making this post tbh#Ive seen how people here struggle with exactly what I have and I wanted to bring out something positive from what my therapist taught me#Hopefully I’ll help some people in return :]
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i should just find the board of my insurance and try to kill myself in front of them. maybe that will lead to something.
#suicide tw#i am not that desperate and deep into my suicidality again but i want to inflict problems on these ppl so bad#other ways we have considered for getting therapy were:#faking a suicide attempt#forgery of documents#and threatening the next therapist with a knife until they give me the document i need#so as you can see. this is going splendidly#spike spoke
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it sucks that so much of my family has also dealt with cancer but it's really lovely that they were able to give me warnings about things
#a friend of mine just had a computer glitch and lost a bunch of work and i said it sucked and i'm sorry and asked if he could email his prof#and he's i think just really upset about it as i would be too bc that does suck so bad#but i don't have the energy to commiserate. i feel like a steaming pile of shit right now. i only got home 30 minutes ago from the hospital#and i have to go back tomorrow and then spend the rest of the day probably feeling like this while also having to go to another appointment#bc i need to get my earrings changed out so i can take them out for my body scan#and then going home with earl and setting up. and finally getting a bday gift to my friend as well and dropping that off#i feel increasingly gross and sick rn and this was just one injection#but my relatives were like 'listen. no one in your life is going to get this unless they've had cancer. and it sucks but that's how it is'#and i'm just very glad i got that heads up because i'm getting a lot of love and support from relatives now#esp the ones who also dealt with cancer#but it's just been radio silence from friends. and i get it i get they have their own lives and might not know what to say#but it does still hurt a little#i do have one friend who has been lovely and accommodating with the diet i have to be on#but my other best friend is just. i think with his school he has his own friends and his own life but. yeah. it just hurts a little#maybe i'm being irrational idk. something to discuss with my therapist today at our appointment#not everything is about me etc etc#this is the same friend who lost his work that i mentioned in the tags#cancer tw
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Having demand avoidance in a medical setting is literally hell. Like, patient autonomy is already absolute ass. It's only made worse when doctors CONSISTENTLY tell you what to do and act like you HAVE to do it instead of consulting with you first like normal fucking people.
#also “”“”medical necessity“”“” is NOT an excuse here.#ive been to plenty of doctors that thoroughly discuss a range/timeline of treatment and explain it IN DETAIL before saying “thats what i-#-recommend“ instead of just going ”okay were gonna do this. im gonna explain the prep to you a mile a minute and if you have any follow up-#-questions im just gonna repeat part of my spiel with no clarification. and if i cant answer your questions too bad :)“#not to mention how many doctors just force you to do things that WILL NEVER WORK#like one therapist tried forcing me to do emdr when i was only IN HER TOWN for the summer and i had no internet access when i was at college#im pretty sure emdr takes several weeks to work and i did not have that kind of time available to me. i couldnt just drop out bc of ptsd.#also the number of times ive had to decline an ESI is stupid. I've already had 2! they didn't work! i had a bad reaction to the meds!#why am i being forced to do it again?#also back surgery. i cant do that because i am a white trash rural kid and our home (which we built ourselves) CANNOT be accessible enough#for spinal surgery recovery. but i went to the surgeon and he was like “thats valid! and also surgery literally wouldnt help you so idk why-#-they sent you here.“ : l It's cool to be right all the time lol#its like. no wonder i developed medical demand avoidance after so much traumatizing and malpracticy bullshit in my life#demand avoidance#medical demand avoidance#chronic illness burnout#chronic illness#chronic pain#medical tw#ptsd#disability#medical neglect#medical trauma#vent#this might be too personal. if i do delete it ill have it rb'd on my boar-deer-whitetrashbutterfly blog first#idk i just havent really been able to find anyone else talking about this specific effect of being chronically ill/disabled.
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rant teehee 🤭
How are you so entitled that two people whispering to each other irks you to the point that you cannot eat your food.
and every time I say something that effects me in a negative way, you have to follow right after me.
a few days ago, I told dad that I felt sick.
and you just butt in and went “oh yeah, I’ve been feeling sick all day. I feel awful.”
and when I told you that I felt really bad about my body and that I felt way too overweight, you said “yeah, I feel like I’m so fat.”
like, I know you have never been taught differently because dad thinks that there is nothing he can do, but you do not need to be the main focus. Please, let me have my own problems without having to worry about comforting you.
I need you to not get angry the moment something doesn’t go your way or when someone says something you don’t like.
I need you to not blow up at me when I try to call you out on your behavior.
I need you to not scream at me to shut up and leave you alone when I try to talk about your behavior in a calm manner.
I know dad says you just don’t know how to process negative emotions very well, but I really need you to grow up and mature.
because there is only so much of your behavior I can take before I get agitated at you and then I get in trouble for “continuing the argument”
I don’t know how you have gotten away with this for so long. And I don’t understand why you continue to get away with it.
but please stop.
I cannot be around you for extended periods of time.
I feel so guilty for thinking like this.
I feel like I should give you the benefit of the doubt, but I cannot keep doing this to myself
I can’t keep pushing my frustration away because “you don’t know better” but I cannot do anything but bottle my emotions when it comes to you, because you will not allow me to express them.
you should be old enough to let me tell you that this is badly affecting me, but the slightest mention of anything negative that you have done and you yell at me like I’ve lost my mind and I’m suggesting something absurd.
#🌾#Not me crying as I write this#This is kinda hard on me#It’s making me have bad habits 😚#womp womp#At this point I have been convinced that I am in the wrong and being unreasonable#Because you are too childish and immature to care about my well-being.#Tw vent#tw rant#Acting like nothing is wrong is the only way for me to cope atp#I don’t know what else to do#Oh yeah#My younger sister is a narcissist if you can’t tell#Not diagnosed by a therapist#But it’s pretty darn clear
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