#tw bad thoughts

[icarusredwings]

This post is dedicated to my wife. I see you, my love. And I can't be more than proud of you, my darling honeybee.

_________

Thinking about how Wade has to eat while doing something or else he just... can't.

Logan first noticed it about 4 days into moving in. That Wade will watch stuff on his phone or eat in the living room in front of the tv. There's no in-between.

One day, he makes dinner and sets the table, him and Al, sitting there, ready to eat, but Wade is hesitant. He sat down just fine but when it came to actually eating he just... stares.

He starts talking, rambling, ranting about anything. He even asks Logan to tell him a story about something, any war, anyone. "You ever meet anyone really cool? Like Elvis or something?"

"Not particularly." He mutters after swallowing.

He starts picking at his fingers in his lap. His foot is tapping, and he feels so guilty. He watches as Al finishes her plate, talking about how delicious it was and thanks him.

And Wade thinks so. The food is simple. It doesn't smell bad either. So why can't he just eat it? It's not like it was bad. Logan wouldn't feed him expired food or make him bad stuff on purpose.

'It's just pasta. Come on, you love pasta' he tries to tell himself but cant seem to actually put any food in his mouth.

Every time he tries, he ends up just putting it back down.

Eventually, there are tears in his eyes.

"Wade..? What's wrong?"

He shakes his head, smiling that bullshit grin he gives when he doesn't know how to explain the fact that his brain was screaming at him that he didnt deserve the food, trying to conviece him that it was rotten, convience him that he was being poisoned or that if he ate this something bad would happen.

But now he's between a rock and a hard place because if he doesn't eat Logan will think he hates his cooking and will leave. He'll move out.

And what if he takes puppins with him? What if he thinks hes a bad dog dad because obviously if he cant feed himself how will he take care of puppins? What if he-

"Wade!"

He jumps a bit, looking at him with big watery eyes.

Something in Logan's concerned face makes him feel worse. ".. y-yeah?"

There's silence.

Logan then sighs, his shoulders falling, scooting over with his plate as he sits next to him.

"... Have I ever told you about the time I accidently blew myself up and Rodgers laughed at me?"

He shakes his head, staring at him. "S-stevie laughed at you?"

Logan nods, beginning to tell the story.

And just like that?

Wade's fork finally reaches his mouth, sometimes glancing down at his plate, but mainly keeping his attention on Logan, smiling and interjecting at times.

He needed distraction.

From the meanies in his head that much preferred the words of a story or tv show then to be alone in the quiet.

"Wait wait wait-" he says, his plate already half cleared, about to shove some more in his mouth. "You sniffed it out and STILL stepped on it??"

"Heh.. yeh.. well. That's what happens when your stuck in a trench."

"Did it stink in there?" Another bite.

"It was terrible. That's why I couldn't smell the mines." He jokes, smirking as Wade laughs, covering his mouth.

Going to stab another piece he realizes that its gone. With another guilty look, he glances to the plate then to the stove, and Logan last.

"Is... is there more?"

Logan knew better then to question him. He had to do something similar with Kurt, talking him through his first few full meals. He didnt believed someone like him deserved fancy mansion food.. well.... Logan didn't either that first week. But Chuck was there.

And now Logan was there for Wade.

Funny how that came full circle..

"Yeah." He gets up, bringing him the entire pot, pouring another helping onto his plate, Watching as Wade shoveled some more in his mouth with a grin.

"So- Mmh- Pars uh yu jus' wen evrwhre??"

Logan smiles, now its his turn to laugh. "Not quite. But sure as hell felt like it."

_______

And this is for any of my fellow people whos brains are mean to them. You are loved. There is nothing wrong with you. I want you fed. I dont care what it is, Fed is better than nothing. So if that means you will survive off of nuggets and a show about lego monkeys? Then so be it. Im so proud of all of you. And I will never ever judge you for your process. Do you know why?

Because you have survived evert hard day that life has ever thrown at you.

WOOWW!! Look at you!! You bad ass! God damn you are so strong!! Look at you go! I love you.

And keep pushing my little ducklings. Keep swimming.

[yourmamakira]

"FIGHTING WORDS" Carl Grimes, she/her

Set in the Alexzandria Era after Carl lost his eye. His very protective girlfriend overheard the local kids talking about Carl behind his back. and needless to say, no one had anything to say about Carl ever again. [ANGST, to SLIGHT FLUFF]

Carl has been in a coma for weeks. His girlfriend had never left his side after the incident. Her depression had gotten so bad it took Daryal, Glenn and Rick to hold her down to force her to eat and drink water.

Her mood had deteriorated drastically, she was more angry, she was less active, she never smiled anymore and she didn't know who to blame for what happened to Carl. She knew it wasn't right to Blame others for the accident. but she had nearly lost the one thing keeping her going in this Hell that used to be a world, she had every right to be upset.

she sat in the armchair next to the bed Carl lay in peacefully, she slipped between sleep and alert wake. She didn't even let the nurse come into the room to check on Carl unless absolutely necessary, and when anyone else was in beside her and Carl, her hand stayed on her and Carl's Gun that slept in her holster.

her eyes shot open and her hand bolted to her gun as the door to their room swung open. In walked the one and only Daryl Dixon, and for once he was without his crossbow. he walked in with his usual gruff demeanor and closed the door behind him.

The girl took her hand off her guns and crossed her arms as she returned to watching the sleeping Carl.

Darryl came over and sat in the seat opposite of her. he crossed his arms before speaking.

"You need to go outside. He ain't wakin' up any sooner with you watchin' him like a hawk. He ain't goin' nowhere, and you don't have to go that far. Jus' needs to get outta this room."

You glared at him through your hooded eyes. but inevitably he was right. carl had been like this for weeks and every second you watched him it felt like your body was slipping farther into a black hole.

Daryal then spoke again, "You need to be in your best health for when he wakes up. you need ta' take care of em', not him take care of you. how you gon take care of him like this?"

he had you stumped with his words. he was right, how were you going to take care of Carl and you couldn't even take care of yourself?

you let out a sigh and began to get up, he followed suit but then stopped you by holding out his hand. you huffed while rolling your eyes and took your guns out of your holster. he didn't know about the knife in your boot thank goodness, but knowing him he probably did.

you passed him up with a glare while leaving the house and strolling out into the street you hadn't seen in weeks. There wasn't much to do here. Besides the few teens that roamed, but you mainly kept to yourself and Carl.

you never really talked much these days, nothing worth talking about. Many thought you were mute at first meeting you, but that narrative quickly went out the window whenever you got too upset. Memory's of all the times someone had pissed you off to bad and you cussing up a storm regardless the person.

you walked the streets passing by people and not saying a word. You came up to a small bench and decided to take a seat and just take in the fresh air, you had to admit, it did feel nice on your skin to feel the breeze and not that stuffy old room that felt more like a prison rather a room.

a few minutes had passed and you had begun to get up being done with your reminiscence before you spotted a group of teens headed your way.

You despised these inhabitants of Alexandria greatly, and their children were even more unbearable. You started past them before one of them decided to take it upon himself to cat-called you, despite you clearly being madly in love with Carl, these specific group just love to torment you.

"Hey, Miss Mute! How about I show you what a real man looks like in bed while your one eyed freak of a boyfriend's out!" He and his friends cackled like hyenas while shoving him around, as if what he said was the greatest thing in the world.

you slowly spun around and sneered, you decided to brush off his remark of the incident, knowing nothing good would come out of beating his ass, "Your tiny shrimp dick doesn't even come close to a real man. My one eyed freak of a boyfriend at that." he stopped laughing and his gooneys ooed like kindergarteners.

He tilted his head to the side as he stepped closer then he should have. "The fuck did you just say to me, bitch?" You stepped closer to him and you could feel his stank breath up your nose, it made you want to vomit on the spot. But you continued to talk your shit.

"I said, you have a big ass head, and a small as Dick. Your breath also smells like walker ass. need I say more?" Your head tilted to the side and your eyebrows furrowed.

his face contorted into one of anger, he scoffed then chuckled dryly as if he thought a funny thought in his fucked up head.

He raised his hand and tried to touch your hair, but you moved your face and roughly grabbed his arm putting it behind his back so he couldn't move. you then put pressure on his back as he cried out loudly in pain.

"you ever touch me again, and I will fucking kill you!"you yelled out aggressively. You were not in the mood to be fucked with.

He couldn't even respond with words as he just continued to cry like a baby for anyone that would dare to help him.

His friends all backed up out of fear of being next. They started yelling at you to let him go but you didn't listen and continued to nearly break his arm.

He yelled louder as your pressure increased. Your face hot with anger that he even dared to touch you after making a nasty comment about your boyfriend.

You then heard yells of a few adults calling you name but you still didn't let up.

Then out of no where two pairs of strong arms grabbed your arms and you thrashed in their hold.

The boy you had previously had in a hold jumped up to his feet and held his arm in pain, "you crazy bitch! That bullet should have Killed Your boyfriend!"

He yelled out and suddenly your thrashing stopped, you looked up at him with a dark look and his face went cold. He knew he had fucked up.

You harshly ripped your arms away from your holders and ran up to the boy with a flying fist, it knocked him on the ground and you kept on punching. His face become black and blue and Messy with blood, your knuckles ached but you didn't care.

It took a total of four adults to pry you away from the nearly unconscious boy, but by then you had already lost all cool.

You stopped struggling in their hold and spit on the boy you had just beat to a pulp.

Your breathing was irratic and it became very clear to everyone that you were extremely unstable. You caught your breath and spoke down darkly to the boy who cried out in pain. He spotted you stepping one step closer and backed up out of fear.

"If you, or anyone else is this god dam town, ever speak bad about Carl ever again. Your gonna wish your sorry asses became walkers after i'm through with you! Do you FUCKING HEAR ME??"

The boy nodded vigorously as more and more people came over to stare at you with fear.

You yanked your arms away from the men and everyone backed up and cleared you a path as you turned around to go back to you and Carl's room.

You made it up there and slammed the door and began pacing back and forth. You were so Pumped with adrenaline that you didn't even notice the empty bed where Carl laid before.

The door swung open and in came a seething Daryl, followed by a worried Glenn and a Very Concerned Maggie.

Daryl came over to stand infront of you and you mean mugged him. He gave you a harsh push and you feel backwards into a chair.

Maggie and Glenn both Yelled but their cries went Unheard by the both of you. You death gripped the arm rests of the chair you sat in as you glared up at the yelling Man that had became your father figure over the course of this apocalypse.

"I told your ass to take a walk! Not Pumble some kids face in! Now That kids gonna need Stitches that we don't have Just because you couldn't control your Anger over some Dam words! Now I heard what them kids said to you, what they said about Carl. But what if That dam wanna be president decided to Kick you out because you beat up some kid they thought was innocent?! You don't think before you Hit! And we can't have that type of stupidity in this world! Get your fuckin' act together! Or you're gonna be in some deep fuckin' shit."

He left off with those words and left behind a shaking and teary eyed child on the Chair. Your leg bounced rapidly as tears fell from your eyes but no sound came out.

You didn't know any other way to let out what you were feeling besides violence. It was your only option given that Carl wasn't in a good shape to calm you down like he usually would.

You were unknowingly left alone in the room and that left you with your thoughts. You stood up and began throwing, kicking and breaking everything and anything in the room that could be thrown kicked or broken.

You continued until another voice entered the room, another voice you hadn't heard in a long time.

"Y/n..?"

You spun around and anyone could tell just by looking at you that you were not okay.

Your eye bags as eye bags, your hair was widely unkept, your knuckles bled from throwing things, hitting things and beating the shit out of kids and unsuspecting walkers. You shook with every breath you let out, and your voice was raw from yelling into your pillow with Sobs you couldn't control.

Carl Slowly made his way into the room as he carefully walked to you like you were Fine China. He stopped right in front of you and then suddenly encased your form.

You stood there for a few seconds, asking yourself in your loud head 'was this real?'

But as you felt the heat off his skin, the soft melancholy beat of his heart. And his soft But ragged breaths. You knew your boyfriend was real.

You slowly encased his body and you couldn't stop the tears from falling down your face. You began sobbing, wetting his shirt like it was raining from the clouds.

Your loud sobs shook the house that you both occupied but You didn't care. Your throat became dryer and dryer and you sobs grew raspy as you clutched Carl Closer to your body.

You were a broken record falling apart without the other half that was the love of you life. Carl rubbed your back and whispered sweet nothings into your ear.

You continued to sob until you couldn't anymore. Your legs grew tired as your body grew heavy, you hadn't slept in days. And it was evident on your face.

His big hands cupped your face and used the pads of his thumb to wipe away any stray tears from your eyes, your hurt and abused soul seethed through your eyes and he could see what you had been going through with just a glance at your tear stained face.

He kissed your tears away with his chapped lips and your eyes fluttered closed. Your breathing leveled out after crying for hours in his shoulder. He grabbed your hand and led you over to the bed.

He laid down in the spot he had been for weeks and you laid on top of him. You looked into eachothers eyes until you couldn't keep them open anymore.

The two of you fell asleep to the sounds of each others breathing.

You knew you would have to deal with the consequences of what you had done, but you could deal with them later.

Now? The two puzzles peices had finally clicked back together where they belonged, and as long as you had Carl. You didn't care what was next. As long as whatever it was, was beside him.

HIIII, this chapter is kinda sad, sadder then I usually write at least, and this had more reader then Carl so I'm sorry about that but I really hope you guys enjoyed this, and if you wanna see more of Mr grimes please request and I'll get back to you :3

[ask-stardrop]

Um...so....

Star...?

Are You going to be ok?-

(Dealing with Jack being under Control of The Creator, Dustdrop aka Dust risking His life to Save Jack and kill The Creator, Having Flashbacks of The past and Dealing with Bad/Dark Thoughts....)

[the-hufflepuff-next-door]

Drowning

each day I search for the beauty in the faces of others wondering why it’s so hard to find it in my own

wondering why I can’t seem to love what I am losing myself each day looking for myself in the wrong places hoping I’ll feel better as someone else

hoping to never wake up at all

hoping that someday it won’t be as hard that I will describe myself differently

that I’m not what I know I am: Ugly, Worthless, A Waste of Space, until I have fallen too far from humanity

until there is nothing left all I am is lonely with no hopes, no dreams, and no End

[rossary-of-the-rose]

TWs: IMPORTANT PLEASE READ!

Just a hasty TW pinned post, occasionally I write stuff about self-h@rm, su!c!de and bad mental health on this blog. If these topics trigger you with anything at all please don’t interact with my posts, even my light-hearted fandom ones as tumblr could recommend you some of my other stuff and it’s too big of a risk to take. Thanks for taking the time to read and I hope y’all are okay out there! ❤️❤️

(also sorry for yelling at you in the title, it’s just really important and I needed to make sure people would read it if they visited my blog)

[celestialudenburn7]

cw vent, gore

hi can someone please rip out my ribs? Maybe throw my organs in a blender? Can my spine be cracked open along with my kneecaps? Not to forget my head, which deserves to be skewered up upon a spike.

[plotsjotsandespressoshot]

Honestly if minion doesn’t make it, I don’t see the point in keeping going

[belovedrat]

tw vent abt relationship issues with a significant other

I’ve never vented to other ever so im scared but i need help

I’m a horrible partner, I should just be alone, im a idiot

I wish i could be more active with him but when i see a notification pop up from him, I get like scared it a way or well I don’t know how to explain it

He’s the sweet person ever, I love him still. But I feel like I need to end the relationship.

I’m hurting him he said and I know I am with not interacting. But I don’t know how to fix this.

How can I be more active and talk with him everyday? Are there any tips? I don’t even know how I am able to respond to his message.I’m scared about what he may say.

I’m too fucking depressed and my home life is fucking stressful and my school life is stressful because of that I just forget about everything and everyone

I disappear and ignore everything. And im so horrible that I don’t pay attention to him. I keep making fake promises im a horrible fucking partner.

I wanna change.

I wanna fix my horrible habit of not messaging him for days. I just don’t know how to. I know it seems simple but there’s something physically stopping me.

I dont wanna leave him but I don’t wanna hurt him any longer, he deserves better. But I love him so deeply im so stupid for starting this habit

I wish I could go back in time

Does anyone even know what I can do.

I’m too young and too mentally drained for a relationship, and there’s too much going on in my life , we have a online relationship, so we message and call each other

He’s homeschooled and while he has his own problems he’s mostly online 24/7

And I got school , family issues and so much more, and can’t always be online 24/7. I just lose all motivation to do anything besides surviving into the next day.

I just need some help, what can I do to start being better and being more active with talking to him.

What can I say to him ?

[greentrickster]

Ugh, I had a brief flashback to 2017 this past weekend and it's still kicking me while I'm down, would have preferred a 2020 flashback, much easier to handle. :(

[ijustwannadisappearrr]

so , it’s been a while and for some time some thing got so much better. I have been clean for a year now, and i have to thank my ex girlfriend because she helped me so much. I don’t if i talked about her in the past but she is the love of my life. A month ago she left me when i was at my worst. She said to me that she wanted to leave for a couple month but she couldn’t. She said that she was relieved when she left me , and i spend my time thinking if everything that we passed was a lie.

I feel betrayed even if she didn’t cheat on me. I feel stupid for believing in something that wasn’t even there. I feel my heart collapsing every time i think of her. I feel stupid and angry at her for making me believe that she was loving me , that she liked me. I feel so stupid.

The fact that this past month i had so much anxiety that i thought that i was gonna die because of it. I lost so much weight and the thing that i usually enjoyed now they make me feel sick.

I cant do anything about it , i cant try to win her again because of the reason she told me . She left me with no choice. She left me alone.

She promised multiple times that she wouldn’t leave me ever, and that she wouldn’t hurt me like every one else in my life. But she did in fact hurt in much way worse than everybody else.

And i can’t tell her that. That she is making me bleed from my heart. I can’t tell her because i will lose the only connection that i have with her.

She said when she left me that i was one of the most important people in her life. Lately it doesn’t feel like that. I think she knows that she is hurting me but she doesn’t care at all.

I hate how she is continuing to live her life like always and im here crying my self to sleep.

I don’t have anyone but her. I don’t talk to anyone but her. And now i cant tell her how much i miss her, i can’t tell her anything about my day, i can’t tell her how i’m doing and my problems.

I have no one to talk to. I lost everyone. Im a failure.

All i wanna do is actually cut my self so there is a time to think about anything else. I want to stop feeling like this.

I just wanna end it. I cant take it anymore.

The fact that i’m so close to end it all makes me worry. Nobody would care if i leave. I have no one to live for. I lost everyone.

So the question is :

What i’m still doing here?

[inky-goddess]

i fucking hate my thoughts im off my meds because they werent working and now my thoughts are worse and worse

[pikansanok]

Random thought...

Y'know, I would kind of draw Stinkoman hanging from parapets with a red public-privy-smelling rope around his neck, referencing to the scene from the first Thy Dungeonman game where the enchanted rope glows a mustard red, smells like a public privy and kills Thy Dungeonman, but that would be very dark and probably mistaken for something more sinister, possibly resulting in it being taken down. I don't want to draw it.

[the-arcade-doctor]

[ there's only one logical thing to spend this money on.. ] [ J:\\ YEAH, LET'S SAY IT AT THE SAME TIME TO PROVE THAT WE'RE STILL IN SYNC. ] [ a sturdy enough hangman's rope. ] [ J:\\ DRUGS AND HOOKERS- OH MY GOD WE'RE BOTH FUCKED UP. ]

[randominstake]

So i did it

I wrapped a string light around my throat but my momma saved me thanks to my boyfriend, i cant beleive i almost did that

[j-restlessgeek]

Got sad thoughts :/, now exhausted good night :3

More under the line cause it had to get out (tw bad thought/ suicidal (don’t read))

No idea where it came from but I got a horrible emotional crash (no idea why; my day was great, like really great, I got to ramble about science to a friend for a long time (which I am still very happy about), my sibling shared more of their new fascination with me and finished their model today, plus watched one of my fav movies) as I was about to go to bed and yet immediately being hit by the worst self-doubts in over a year, immediately suicidal and that the world would be better without me in it anf what a waste I am and that am more useful dead than alive. So I spent the last thirty minutes sobbing and crashing from bad thought to bad thought. The episode seems to be over now and am heading for bed, hopefully without another attack. So yeah good night again.

[possibly-a-table-or-just-gay]

Sad pathetic vent hours hit please don't read it if you have any shits to give about my wellbeing-

You ever have that moment when all the people around you are chatting about the weekend they had and all the friends they have and its a completely normal conversation but youre near tears because you're scared of social situations and don't ever have the energy to talk to people but you crave the feeling of belonging and security even though deep down youre know you'll never have that because all you do is make things awkward and everyone and everything perfectly fine without you there and you're just a waste of peoples time and attention and no-one actually gives a shit about you without having to like if you hadn't been born into a family or forced into a tiny school nobody would listen to a word you said and you'll never make a meaningful mark on the world you're just an NPC in your own fucking life and you'll probably be dead by twenty anyway so what's the point in trying and wow I'm crying now when did that happen-